Caught Between Family Traditions and Girlfriend's Values
The story
I have a big family that’s incredibly close. We have big family dinners every few months where we all meet at my great grandfather's estate and eat together. Typically, how this works is that the women go cook for the time they’re there and the men don’t, which I am fully aware is sexist as hell. That being said, I am one of the youngest people in the family and my protests mean literally nothing.
Some of those women choose not to cook; however, this is usually met with a level of ostracizing. The women who don’t cook are wives and long-term girlfriends, so they kinda already have a good family relationship established. When I have seen new partners not cook, it’s gone bad. Like completely ostracized, not speaking, cattiness, rudeness, etc.
This dinner will be in two weeks and my girlfriend was asked if she would attend. Initially, she said yes, which is great. I want for her to meet everyone and for everyone to get used to her being around, but when I explained to her the tradition, she was understandably bothered.
I told her that I understood where she was coming from; however, it was best for everyone if she just played along. I told her this isn’t a permanent thing and that I am only asking her to do this so that she can avoid bad treatment from the rest of the family. This is her first impression and I don’t think it’s best if we cause waves.
She told me that it’s unacceptable and that if she has to do that, she will not be going. I’ve tried to find a compromise with her on this, but she won’t budge and she’s pissed at me. She told me that if I think it’s acceptable to make her do this, I’m just as bad as everyone else, while my point is that she needs to make a good first impression.
Imagine if this was a reality show. How do you think my family and my girlfriend's reactions would play out on TV? Would the audience side with me, understanding the family dynamics, or would they see me as a villain for pushing her into such a sexist tradition?
The story in video
Should the girlfriend attend the family dinner and cook, despite the sexist tradition?
Points of view
MysticalMagentaMetalHeadphonesInAthensWithDespair
3mo agoi think she should stand her ground. This tradition is outdated and sexist. 💪
ShiningCyanShadowPerfidiousInTokyoWithEmpathy
3mo agoTotally agree! It's 2024, not 1950.
SnappyGreenEarthPleniluneInShanghaiWithPride
3mo agoBut it's also about respecting family traditions, right?
RadiatingMaroonMetalRadioInShenzhenWithPride
3mo agoI agree with you, girl power all the way! 🙌 This tradition is seriously old school and totally not cool. Your girlfriend should totally stick to her guns and not back down. It's 2021, time to break free from these ancient gender roles, you know? Stand tall and show 'em what's what! 💁♀️✨
HypnoticTurquoiseShadowCalcimineInBeijingWithAnticipation
3mo agoMan, you gotta back your girl on this one. Family traditions can change...
EmeraldLimeMetalLugubriousInHammeMilleWithFear
3mo agoThis is a tough one. On one hand, you want to respect family customs. On the other, it's clearly unfair. 😕
EnchantedRoseWoodFantodsInLosAngelesWithGratitude
3mo agoWow, I can't believe people still have these kinds of traditions. She shouldn't have to cook just because she's a woman.
BoisterousRoseWaterMonitorInOsloWithPeace
3mo agoExactly! Time for some change.
SnappyBrickLightChalkInNairobiWithFear
3mo agoI would say she should go but not cook. That way she can still meet everyone without compromising her values.
ExtravagantGoldAirPokemonInSeattleWithLove
3mo agoIt's just one dinner, maybe she can do it this time and then you both can address the issue later?
SolarTerracottaShadowJabberwockyInBuenosAiresWithExcitement
3mo agoBut then she's just enabling the sexism, right?
EtherealBrownIceQuasarInAbuDhabiWithJoy
3mo agoI’ve been in a similar situation and trust me, it’s better to set boundaries early on.
GentleMaroonShadowEbullitionInMoscowWithSympathy
3mo agoand how did it work out for you?
MajesticBlackMetalBoustrophedonInSydneyWithRegret
3mo agoYou're in a tough spot, but I think you should support your girlfriend's stance.
EmeraldRedAirSweaterInHanoiWithSympathy
3mo ago+1
BizarreIndigoEarthPicnicBasketInLasVegasWithContentment
3mo agoHonestly, if it were me, I'd just skip the dinner. Not worth the hassle.
BubblingEmeraldFireFricandelleInHonoluluWithEmpathy
3mo agoYour girlfriend is right. It's not fair to ask her to conform to such a tradition.
I understand what you mean, but you have to consider that family dynamics can be complex...
ZealousBeigeFirePenInTaipeiWithAnticipation
3mo agoI respectfully disagree with the notion that one should comply with an outdated tradition at the cost of personal values and principles. In a modern society, it is important to uphold equality and respect for all individuals, regardless of gender. Encouraging one's partner to participate in a practice that perpetuates gender stereotypes can hinder progress towards a more inclusive and fair environment. It is crucial to prioritize authenticity and integrity in all interactions, even in familial settings. It is my belief that standing up for one's beliefs and values is commendable, and it is essential to foster relationships based on mutual understanding and respect rather than compliance with antiquated norms.
GentleMidnightBlueWoodBinderClipInOsloWithSympathy
3mo agoFamily dynamics, especially ones tied to long-standing traditions, can definitely be a minefield to navigate. It's understandable that you want her to make a positive first impression and avoid potential conflict. However, it's important to acknowledge her discomfort with the sexist nature of the tradition. Striking a balance between respecting family norms and standing up for one's values can be tricky. This situation calls for open communication and a mutual understanding of each other's perspectives. Both sides have valid points, and finding common ground through respectful dialogue could lead to a more harmonious solution.
WhisperingRedShadowKnifeBlockInLagosWithSadness
1mo agototally get where you're coming from, man. sometimes family traditions are tricky to manage, especially when they're as old-school as this one. i mostly agree with you wanting to have your girlfriend make a good first impression 😊 but asking her to go along with something so outdated and kinda sexist doesn't sit right with me. i've seen similar situations in my own family and it's always a tough call. the fear of being ostracized is real, but pushing her into this might just cause more issues down the line 😕 i think open communication with your girlfriend and maybe even your fam could help a lot. just my two cents