Unrequited love: loving someone who does not love you back

Three kinds of one-sided love in the stories

The stories under this theme are not all about the same thing. The most common is the crush that never became anything, as in I like a guy who doesn't like me back or the shorter one sided love. The second is a friendship where one side wants more, like the reader with a crush on a straight friend. The third is the hardest to name: a relationship that exists, but where only one person is in love, like why do I feel like my boyfriend doesn't love me?, one of the most read stories on the site, or why doesn't my boyfriend love me?

The replies are different for each, and the first thing they do is work out which one the author is in.

What the replies say about the crush that will not fade

For the first kind, the replies agree on something the author rarely wants to hear: the feeling is being fed. Checking the person's profile, rereading messages, arranging to be where they are, imagining the conversation that would change their mind. None of that is foolish, and the replies say so, but it keeps the thing alive. The authors who came back months later describe the same cure, which is contact at zero or at normal, nothing in between, and time.

The replies also push back on one belief: that the person who does not feel the same is the only one who could have made you feel like this. In nearly every thread someone describes the next person, years later, and how surprised they were.

When the person is a friend

The friendship case gets the most careful replies, because two things are at stake. Most replies advise saying it once, plainly, and accepting the answer, rather than years of hoping and hints: the hinting costs more than the rejection. A minority advise never saying it, to keep the friendship, and the thread usually ends with the author deciding which of the two they can live with. What the replies refuse is the middle position, staying close in the hope that it will change.

When you are in a relationship and only one of you is in love

The stories about a partner who stays but does not love back are the saddest and the most discussed. The replies ask a few things: what makes the author think it (words, acts, absence of both), whether the partner was ever different, and what the author gets from staying. They are not quick to say "leave". They are quick to say that asking the partner directly, once, is better than months of reading signs, and that a reply of "I don't know" is an answer too. The couple stories category holds many of these threads, and the guide on cheating suspicions covers the version where the doubt is about someone else.

Writing yours

Say which of the three it is, how long it has lasted, and what you have already said to the person. Leave out names and anything that would identify them; they did not ask to be described. You sign in with an existing account and only a generated pseudonym is shown; stories are reviewed before publication.

Questions and answers

How long does it last?

The authors who came back report months rather than weeks, and much longer when contact continued. No one in these threads describes it ending while they kept checking the person's profile.

Should I tell them?

For a crush or a friend, most replies say once and plainly, then accept the answer. For a partner, ask what you really want to know rather than hinting.

Is it normal to still love an ex?

Yes, and there is a whole thread on it in the is-it-normal stories. The replies are about duration and what finally helped.

Is it anonymous?

Yes. Your name and email are never stored, and other members only see a pseudonym generated from your account.