MIL Stories

I feel like I could write an entire collection of lengthy books on all the crappy things my MIL has done in the time that I’ve known her (almost 9 years.) But I’ll keep this one recent, since it’s a holiday in America where I’m located. So this is a Thanksgiving version.

A little backstory: my spouse had a major surgery about 2 months ago, and has had minor complications after (incisions had the start of an infection, still having some bleeding). We switch off each year for Thanksgiving on which family we are going to see; last year it was my partner’s side, so this year it was my side. We see my family 2-3 times a year, whereas we see my partner’s family at least three times as often. My parents are also divorced, so when we DO go see my family, we have to spend the time traveling from house to house.

The weekend BEFORE Thanksgiving, my MIL says she wants us to make the 2.5 hour trip down to see them since my SIL who goes to college 20 mins away from us was going down that way for a concert. Didn’t really see what the concert had to do with us traveling since we weren’t going but I digress. We suggested they come up to see us, as my spouse is still recovering from surgery and it made more sense to us to not have two cars, ours and my SIL’s, drive down. We are always the ones who have to drive to THEM, not them come to us. My MIL said no, because she didn’t want to. So when my spouse tried to reason with her that it would be hard on their body to be in a car for 2.5 hours, plus we lease so adding unnecessary miles to the car isn’t smart, my MIL tried guilting my spouse by saying, “I’m not going to be around forever.” We find out from my FIL that he would be driving my SIL down to her concert which was in another state, so they would essentially be gone all day Saturday (the day my spouse and I would make the drive) and my spouse had to work their remote job on Sunday for 8 hours and then we would have to leave right after so we could go grocery shopping, do laundry, etc to prepare for the week. So we wouldn’t even see my FIL and SIL while we were there. My MIL would just sit there with us in the living room, watching Facebook reels on her phone at full volume, then go to bed at like 8:30 PM and leave me and my spouse to watch their dog along with our dog who is much smaller.

Fast forward to the Thursday before we would make the drive, and my spouse is having a lot of body pain and visits their surgeon for their 6-week post-op check up. Their Dr says they need another week of bed rest, which means we can’t go see my in laws and also means we have to shorten our trip to see my family (which is honestly fine by me because I was dreading the trip anyway.) I text in our group chat to let the in laws know, and only my FIL responds. He is a really understanding guy and was of course more concerned for his child not yet recovering, but we haven’t heard a peep from my MIL. But of course she’s been posting on Facebook.

My SIL tells my spouse that their mom, my MIL, has been texting my SIL and asking if we were still going to make the trip to see my family. As if my SIL would know or as if it’s any of her business. She also has my FIL send my spouse a text to say something like, “Just wondering if you traveling to see ___’s family is a good idea…”

Today, the day I’m writing this, is Thanksgiving day, and so both my spouse and I text in our group chat to tell my in laws happy holiday and send some photos. My FIL does respond, says something like “you’re missing all this” and sent just a picture of basic foods that we were also having. My SIL sends a text as well. But we have heard nothing from my MIL. My MIL is always complaining to my FIL—who then relays this to my spouse—that my spouse does not reach out enough, that my spouse never texts my MIL, things along those lines. But the phone works both ways—and as the parents, even though my spouse is an adult, the responsibility to maintain the relationship should be my MIL’s responsibility. Of course my spouse doesn’t feel compelled to reach out to my MIL because of the fact that she is a narcissist. They always call my spouse on Thanksgiving because my spouse says my in laws always try to ruin my spouse’s mood because we aren’t there, even though we have been switching off for the last 6-7 years.

I think the thing that bothers me the most is of course how they make my spouse feel like crap, but also the fact that my MIL is ALWAYS assuming we see my family more, which in her mind means we like them more “because they have more money” (which isn’t true). They have met my family, they know them. My dad and my FIL go camping together for a week in the summer. They KNOW me… And something else that bothers me is they told us they were going to have us “stay for dinner” on Sunday before we left. My spouse finds out from my SIL that this dinner was going to be Thanksgiving dinner. With them nearly a week before actual Thanksgiving. When it’s my in laws’ year for us to spend Thanksgiving with them, we don’t go see my family a week early to celebrate the holiday with them. My family gets they had their turn the year before and will have their turn again the next year. My in laws were going to try to sneak it in there. That’s shady to me and disrespectful to the boundaries my spouse and I have set and also disrespectful I feel to my family. Ughhhhhh it just frustrates my spouse and I.

Anyway, like I said earlier I have sooo many stories. I feel like this one is pretty tame actually. If anyone would like more (and trust me, I have been itching to spill these stories to someone) please let me know. Venting about it all does really help, but it’s not fair to my spouse to convent to them and I would never talk badly about my one family to my biological family.

Cheers friends, and to all who can relate to this, I see you and I’m sorry.

I tried looking it up online... But I still don't get it🫠. And there are different meanings or definitions📖. So, I'm hoping real humans can inform me about what the abbreviation... MIL... Means🙇🏻‍♀️✨. This was one of the categories to write on iiwiars.

Hello, i am 35 weeks pregnant and currently living at in laws house as my husband wanted me to deliver the baby in his hometown and as i dont have my mom so his parents can support us as they cannot come over to our house. I am living without husband as he is back home for work and comes on weekends. I asked to stay with my sister but my in laws are so controlling they want the child to be born at their known hospital and want things their way. So lately things have been so challenging with mil as she is so nosy and overcaring that she sometime s make me cry as i have no oersonal space and she keeps checking on me whole night and always on my head like helicopter. She even taunts me all the time on how to our tym is different we used to work and had no facilities and todays kids dont have any challenges. She decides all baby preparations and whrn i suggest something she is like no ill will not allow that for child and she keeps on insisting and preparing clothes of my brother in laws daughter who is of 4 year to reuse only then despite of gender and condition of those clothes and pushing me to not buy things for newborn due to evil eye before birth. This woman is driving me crazy for overcaring and pushing me to eat after every hour and drink milk. I am diagnosed with cholestasis a liver condition where doctor asked me to not eat fatty food but she keep on giving me fried food to eat and pushing me saying doctors are crazy these days

I daydream about my mother in law dying. I will maintain my composure when that day comes but it will probably be one of the happiest in my life. To never have to endure her presence again.

Hubby and I are from different countries/cultures.

We ended up moving to Australia before Covid struck 😒 we eventually settled in and life moved on around the world. My in-laws all live in one area. Hubby and I settled nearby and everything was fine. The kids love their grandparents and they are good to me.

However…

I miss my parents so much. I am an only child and my babies are their only grandbabies. It breaks my heart. But hubby is good to me and supports us well. In-laws are good to me too. Just the culture differences get to me sometimes. In-laws have other grandchildren nearby. They are “well off” so they tend to live their lives separate from their children. That’s fine. I’m used to family in your face everyday lol.

The thing that bothers me is they will pass on spending time with their grandkids just because. They want to shop or go out for dinner on their own. We have invited them over and they will refuse without a reason. I’m aghast because I know my parents would kill to spend everyday with their grandbabies!!

I know I can’t change anything. I hate it’s so expensive to fly to Australia! I hate my parents are not well off and can’t afford to visit! They’ve come once and are saving up to come again. Hubby and I have even told them we can help a bit. My dad has offered to send my mom on her own just to save money. I hate that for them! I want them to be next door and my babies see them everyday and be loved so much by two more people! My parents are one of the best in the world! They are so wonderful and sacrificial! They deserve the world and especially their only grandbabies to be nearby to hug and kiss and love on them all day everyday!!!!

Two years ago, we moved about 300 miles away. It sucked for me because now we are not near family. In-laws have come to visit once. Once! In two years. Again, I can’t believe it. They can afford to travel but choose not to. My parents would give anything to see us once every two years! I’m trying to respect their decisions but can’t help think of my parents. I get so upset with my in-laws in my mind. I guess that’s how they stay “well off”, don’t spend too much money. It just annoys me for the kids. They deserve loving grandparents nearby 💔

For starters, hubby and I come from different backgrounds/cultures.

We had another baby about six months ago. After a few weeks, my in-laws came (from out of town; ~500miles away) to help out. They were great with the other kids: did school drop off and pick ups, went to the playground, read them books, etc. Since it wasn’t my first, I recovered better and felt pretty good. We discussed cooking schedules and I offered a few meals here and there. The visit was a success and they went home.

They decided to come back two months later since the kids had school events they wanted to see plus they could keep helping. No biggie. We welcomed them with open arms. It should be said that they brought their RV and stayed in that during their stays. We have enough space on our property and it’s not in the way by any means.

This visit was rougher. I will admit, communication was not as explicit as their first visit.

They weren’t taking the kids to school! I got everyone ready the first morning and even said “Ok, you guys are ready for school! Have a fun day!” In-laws were sitting in the living room reading books to the younger kids. I know they would have heard me. The last visit, Gpa would be waiting with keys in hand while I finished brushing hair and then walk everyone out. Not this time. He just sat there watching the little kids. I started doing the dishes bc I figured they would leave soon. After about five minutes, I realised “they aren’t going to take them, are they? I will have to take them.” I stopped washing the dishes and called out “ok time to go. In the van everyone.” Sure enough, gpa and gma were like “bye kids. Have a great day. See you this afternoon.” Since I hadn’t expected to leave, the baby was still asleep and I asked if they could just keep an ear out for the baby. They said, ”Actually, we’re going out for a coffee.” So, no. After wrangling all the kids into the van, I had to come back for the baby and put them in the van. Needless to say, the school kids were late. I had to get everyone out of the van, strap in baby, wrangle toddlers and guide the older two to the office then their classroom then back to van. I returned home. After about ten minutes, I get a text my MIL “We’re at [this cafe]. Join us after drop off.” That sounded lovely and nice but I was already home and baby back in the crib. I turned it down with a frown.

Fast forward. I’m doing all the dropping off and picking up with ALL my kiddos! But tell you what, we weren’t tardy anymore! 😩I’m having to cook every other day. Well, the cooking wasn’t terrible but the time when I had to start cooking was stressful bc they “eat by a certain time. Can’t sleep otherwise.” This visit was more of a vacation for them and more work for us this time around. I think they spent like 30 minutes reading books and playing with the kids and then it was “going for a coffee” or “going to lunch” or “we’re tired. Going to rest see you at dinner”. Every day. I won’t go into their comments. Not derogatory, just like “oh this is so nice and relaxing“ and I’m over here on my last thread!!!

Second trip was zero helping! They watched the kids for a short bit and we wouldn’t see them until after school and then dinner. The kids were always asking where Gpa and Gma were. I just had to say they went to their RV to sleep. We’ll see then at dinner. Poor kids just wanted their fun grandparents.

Thinking back. That trip was frustrating bc the kids wanted to see them and spend time with them and they wouldn’t stay in the house long enough. I know they are “old” and have the prerogative to rest. So why plan a trip you can’t handle? Stay home and rest. Don’t come and get the grandkids all riled up and not spend time with them. That’s what upset me. Do and say what you want to me but spend time with the grandkids!!

I don’t know why some people like to butt in other people lives? Specially sister in-laws. Don’t they have their own family to take care of? I am really frustrated about how they all keep butting in my life. As if I have less problems of my own but one more phone call of them to my mil just make my day more shitty. I try not to get affected but in the end it takes psychological toll on me, it keeps playing in my head like a radio and makes me feel miserable I can’t even complain about them to anyone 😕

I have no ambition. I like to be with my electronics so no one can bother me no one can tell me what to do because what’s the point. I loose motivation for any new thing that I do. I’m almost 20 years old and still living with my parents. I want to move out but even I don’t feel like I can. I want to talk to a friend but I’m nervous and no matter what I do I can never escape the nervousness. I know this seems out of place but I just need to vent. Because at this point I’m just lost

I've been with my partner for over 6 years. 4 years ago we moved into his mother's home with a promise from her that she would move out in a few months and that her house would be ours. It's now been almost 4 years and she's still here. Worst part is that she has a partner that is so disgusting. Like goes through the trash to find food disgusting. Anyway, in these 4 years she has made my life a living hell. Anything I try to fix or move or make my own she literally destroys or moves in order to make me angry. She tries to make it very clear that she's the one in charge. I honestly really do hate her. I have never in my life hated someone and to be brutally honest with you all I wish she would drop dead. There's so much in between that I could tell you all...but I also struggle with mental health issues and she's very old fashioned. She's very racist and is stuck in her ways. She doesn't even think mental health is real...she's just an ignorant, horrible woman. I cry myself to sleep alot. My relationship with my partner is really just non existent. He doesn't see what his mother has done to us...and unfortunately I am not financially stable enough to go be on my own. I'm struggling so much. Trying to be faithful to someone who in my eyes doesn't appreciate me and doesn't hear me out...I'm just so tired and sitting here now crying as I write this makes me realize that I deserve better. All I ever wanted was someone to love and to love in return. All I ever wanted was privacy and space in my own home. This house is not a home. This house is a prison.

In our early thirties, with a solid seven years of marriage behind us, my life took an unexpected and tragic turn when my husband George suddenly passed away a few months back. Coping with his death has been the most challenging period of my life. In those first numbing weeks, I could barely function. Thankfully, George’s mother was right there to support. She took care of all funeral costs, a gesture for which I was immensely grateful, considering I was in no state to manage anything.

Only recently, I recalled that George had a modest life insurance policy set up through my workplace. I had completely forgotten about it amidst all the grief. After processing the claim, the payout wasn't vast, but it was sufficient to cover my moving expenses back to my hometown and perhaps even a down payment on a small house where I could start anew.

However, the atmosphere changed once my mother-in-law discovered I received this insurance money. She became very upset and demanded that I reimburse her for the funeral expenses, accusing me of taking advantage of her son's death. Her words were not only harsh but deeply wounding; she went as far as to label me as selfish and suggested I was profiting from our loss. At that time, I wasn’t even aware of the insurance policy. Now, as I struggle with my grief, her accusations of me being heartless only increase my pain.

I understand she is grieving too, but attacking me doesn't seem fair. I am merely trying to find a way to heal and begin life anew, something I believe is essential. Given all this, wouldn't paying her back seem like I’m just trying to appease her anger? Right now, I'm at my limit and need to focus on rebuilding my own life.

What if this whole ordeal was under the relentless scrutiny of a reality show? Considering how they thrive on conflict and emotional outpourings, the portrayal of our disagreements could potentially paint me in a terrible light or, conversely, rally support for someone trying to heal from such a substantial personal loss. The public's reaction could vary drastically—some might sympathize with my situation, while others might side with my mother-in-law, viewing my actions through a lens skewed by dramatic narratives.

I’m expectant, albeit somewhat anxious, about the reactions and perhaps criticism that might come my way from sharing this.

I wonder, if I refuse to pay her back, am I being unreasonable?

Mother-in-law story here but I am the MIL!

At 63, managing life as a bustling single mother and grandmother isn't simple. I live with three of my children, who are 22, 26, and 30 years old, along with my beloved grandson. Life is full but fulfilling in its own unique way. My eldest son and his wife, who live several hours away, visited us last weekend. During their stay, my daughter-in-law took a moment to express her concerns about my household's current situation. She tactfully mentioned her worry about her siblings-in-law not pursuing further education or long-term careers. Her remarks hinted that she found the lack of progress and independence in my adult children disconcerting.

Since their move, the frequency of their visits has lessened, which had puzzled me until now. When asked, my daughter-in-law pointed out the practical issues such as the lack of sleeping space, hinting that the living arrangements were hardly ideal for guests. It's been eight years since she joined our family and our relationship had always been pleasant. However, her recent observations, layered with a certain air of judgment, did catch me off guard. She's a professional nurse and played a significant role in encouraging my son to specialize in IT. Meanwhile, the rest of us have continued with our regular jobs, managing to keep ourselves economically stable.

Her insight into our living dynamics seemed to stir a notion that we were somehow lagging behind ideal societal milestones. This perspective, particularly as they consider starting their own family, seemed to magnify her apprehensions. Challenged by her viewpoint, my response, perhaps sharper than intended, suggested she might have married into the wrong family. This remark apparently wounded her, as my son later pointed out, indicating I had hurt her feelings. While she possibly meant well, her comments pierced me too, suggesting a dissatisfaction with our family dynamics.

On a different note, imagine if this scenario played out on a reality show. The sparks would fly! Reality TV thrives on the tensions that arise from such family dynamics and heartfelt exchanges. Cameras rolling as the confrontation unfolded would likely amplify our reactions for dramatic effect, perhaps encouraging viewers to take sides. The episode would probably conclude with cliff-hanger music, leaving the audience eager to tune in next week and see if family bridges are burned or built stronger.

I'm currently in my 32nd week of pregnancy with our first child, which my husband, Felix, and I are very excited about. Luckily, Felix works as a builder, so setting up the nursery was a breeze. We decided early on the style and theme we wanted, and now it's almost finished. It feels great getting this big task out of the way before the baby arrives.

However, my mother-in-law, who has always been a bit overbearing, has been a challenge, even more so after learning about the pregnancy. Despite trying to be supportive, her approach can be critical. For instance, she once suggested I should lose weight for the sake of my health and the baby's, fully aware of my past battles with anorexia. Usually, I let Felix handle her because of her overbearing nature.

Lately, as the nursery neared completion, her pop-ins have increased—especially inconvenient since I work from home. She often comes in, casually asks about my meals, and proceeds to invite herself to join. She doesn’t stop there, though; she often heads straight into the nursery and begins rearranging what Felix and I have set up.

Yesterday was particularly trying. She arrived unexpectedly, criticized my attire, and made a scene about changes I made in the nursery for safety reasons, like removing pillows and fairy lights from near the crib. I tried to explain, but she retorted with outdated advice and hurtfully questioned my potential as a mother. Overwhelmed and tired, I finally snapped and asked her to leave, which she did, albeit begrudgingly.

I wonder if I overreacted; Felix is already planning to speak with her about respecting our boundaries. But was it just pregnancy hormones, or was I right to stand my ground?

Honestly, I imagine if this were to happen on a reality show, the audience would probably be split. Some might cheer for standing up to such an invasive mother-in-law, while others might think I was harsh, interpreting my reaction as part of a dramatic storyline. Reality show or not, it's hard balancing others' expectations with your own during such a vulnerable time.

Was my reaction to my MIL over the top?

My youngest, Alex, is about to turn seven next week and has been buzzing with excitement at the prospect of his upcoming birthday celebration. He's settled on his dream treat—a chocolate cake covered with chocolate icing, his absolute favorite.

Unfortunately, my mother-in-law often puts her preferences first, and her response to Alex's birthday choice was no different. During a visit, Alex eagerly shared his birthday plans with her, only to be dismissed because she doesn't care for chocolate. She suggested that he should choose a dessert that everyone could enjoy.

In that moment, Alex remembered what he learned at a friend's birthday party. After complaining about the cake flavor at the party, we taught him that the birthday boy or girl gets to choose what they like because it’s their special day. So, with a bit of assertiveness that mirrored the lesson he learned, Alex explained, "It's not your birthday, so you don't get a say.” Normally, I might have called this disrespectful, but it was exactly what we had discussed before.

I supported him by echoing the lesson to my mother-in-law: "When it's your birthday, you can choose whatever you like." That did not sit well with her. She snapped, calling me and Alex names, which led me to decide that perhaps it was best if she didn't attend the birthday party with that kind of attitude.

This decision bewildered my husband, Tom. He even suggested we compromise by buying an additional cake that my mother-in-law would enjoy. However, I stood firm. I believe catering to her whim would only serve to confuse Alex about the boundaries and expectations we've set around birthdays and special occasions.

Tom eventually agreed, recognizing the importance of teaching our son that while he needs to be considerate, he also gets to enjoy his own day just how he wants. Unfortunately, my mother-in-law now expects an apology from Alex, even demanding a written note admitting his wrongdoing, which neither Tom nor I endorse as we don't believe Alex did anything wrong.

She's now threatening to skip the party and withhold his birthday gift unless she receives this apology, a stance that I find rather unreasonable. We've made it clear that her participation in the birthday celebration hinges on her respect for our family’s principles regarding special occasions.

Imagine if this scenario were part of a reality TV show. The drama and the exchange of sharp words might make for entertaining television, with audiences eagerly discussing and debating team loyalties. It would be intriguing to see how viewers might align themselves in such a familial conflict, where generational values clash over something as seemingly simple as a chocolate cake.

What would the audience's reaction be to this scenario on a reality show?

As a working mom, the need for a reliable childcare provider was paramount, which is why we were thrilled to find a wonderful nanny who bonded beautifully with our son. Initially, to smooth my transition back to work, we decided it would be a good idea for both grandmothers to spend some time with our son alongside the nanny. This plan, however, did not unfold as expected.

My mother-in-law, although she loves her grandson dearly, seems to have a challenging relationship with our nanny. It's become apparent that she's somewhat dismissive of the nanny's expertise, often undermining her by insisting on her own methods of feeding and handling the baby. Despite her good intentions, her approach sometimes compromises the baby's safety, which is unnerving. More importantly, she is prone to taking the baby to other parts of the building without notifying the nanny, adding to the stress. Her visits are also significantly longer than expected, stretching to almost a full day.

Today, upon returning from work while my husband was away, I found our nanny visibly upset, which is entirely out of character for her. She confided in me that she finds the dynamic with my mother-in-law too distressing and it's affecting her ability to work effectively. The nanny admitted that she dreads the days my mother-in-law visits, to the point where she's considering resigning. I was utterly dismayed and assured her that I would address the issue promptly, suggesting a possible adjustment to have my mother-in-law visit only on weekends when we are more available to supervise.

Sharing this situation over the phone with my husband was tough. I emphasized the seriousness of the issue, concerned about the possibility of losing a great nanny. The thought of setting boundaries with my mother-in-law is daunting—she hasn't taken well to suggestions in the past. My husband remains optimistic about his mother adapting her behavior, but past attempts suggest otherwise. It's saddening and challenging to see someone who provides care so integral to our family's functioning this unsettled.

I also sense a disconnect with my husband, who has not witnessed these interactions firsthand, making it harder for him to grasp the severity of the situation. He often asks for specific examples of his mother's behavior, which makes me feel like he might think I’m exaggerating the issue.

If this situation were part of a reality show, I imagine the drama and tension would escalate dramatically. Cameras would capture the raw emotions and perhaps the blunt conversations that need to happen. It could either lead to a swift resolution or more likely, amplify the family strain for the audience's intrigue. How would viewers react to seeing such a personal family conflict unfold on screen? Would they take sides or propose different solutions?

Am I being unreasonable to demand that my husband talks to his mother about limiting her visits to weekends? It feels necessary, but he seems to think I'm overreacting.

My husband, Alex, and I, both in our early 30s, have been navigating marital waters for several years now, holding hands for over a decade. Throughout our relationship, we've encountered rough seas, particularly because of my in-laws' behavior, with my mother-in-law (MIL) at the helm of our troubles. She has exhibited a pattern of control and intrusion, not only towards Alex but towards me as well, often manipulating him to try and bend me to her will in matters that frankly don’t involve her. She's been overbearing, outright disrespectful, and quite invasive. Fortunately, outright insults directly to my face are the only trespasses she hasn't committed.

I've repeatedly expressed my frustration to Alex, pleading with him to address the situation more firmly. However, his efforts have been tepid, leaving her behavior unchecked.

For years, I plastered on a smile and kept silent to avoid drama, but the grievances have stacked up so high that I'm constantly on the brink of eruption whenever we visit. I’ve even suggested to Alex that we should minimize our interactions with them for a while, but he insists on maintaining our visits. He's not blind to the toll it takes on me.

On a recent visit, the familiar pattern unfolded. MIL began her usual antics, and I reached my limit. This time, I voiced my objections, challenging every inappropriate and invasive remark she made. Taken aback, she questioned my sudden outspokenness. In a measured but clear tone, fueled by years of pent-up frustration, I confronted her about her continual disrespect. I told her plainly that she was reaping the consequences of her actions, of beds made and now to be lain in.

The atmosphere turned icy, and we soon left. Though I felt a surge of liberation from standing up for myself, the fallout was palpable. Alex seemed torn, MIL incensed. He later admitted he understood my feelings but wished to keep the peace, suggesting I apologize.

I stood my ground, stating that any future reconciliation would require visible change and respectful behavior from her end—that I wouldn't apologize for my outburst as it was neither disrespectful nor unwarranted. I reminded him of the numerous opportunities he had to intervene and that I had warned him no one would like it if I had to take a stand. I had never yelled or insulted her, so the idea of apologizing for my reactions felt absurd.

Imagine if this confrontation had unfolded on a reality TV show. Cameras rolling, capturing every charged word and sharp glance—a spectacle indeed! The drama would undoubtedly be heightened, with viewers on the edge of their seats, perhaps even siding with me or criticizing my outspoken moment. Reality TV thrives on these raw, emotional exchanges, turning personal battles into entertainment. Would the public see me as a villain or a heroine standing her ground?