Anonymous Venting for Mental Health and Emotional Support

For context, bird refers to women who continuously chase and allow themselves to be mistreated by men and cater to their feelings.

My dad was abusive for years. Physically, emotionally, and sexually. And my mom and him had a rough relationship as well. But no matter how much my dad mistreated us, she stood by him no matter what. It’s infuriating.

I wanted to go to a private school for college because of the awesome engineering program. I had a lot of scholarships, money from the state, and a huge 100k scholarship from the school itself. The school is expensive but it seemed worth it. However, a part of me that held back was the part that knew i would still need my parents help, aka using their veterans status to help me get scholarships and other money. I was very hesitant, and I told my mom and the family counselor about that and they told me “oh no no just think of it as the government giving you money”.

Years later, I get a scholarship to help pay for housing, and my mom approaches me and says stuff like how I should be grateful that I’m in the financial situation that I’m in because it’s all because of my dad. Mind you, she makes double the amount he makes.

She is so predictable. Just a stupid fucking bird. No amount of money undos what he’s done to me. He could pay for my next house and car and I wouldn’t take it. I wish I never went to the university. I wish I stuck to my intuition and went someplace else, so I wouldn’t have to credit him. I just want to drop out and go somewhere else.

I hate them so much. And no one here is going to tell me that I should be gracious. That man and his family have traumatized me and damaged me. His aunt beat me until my eyes were bleeding, damaging my eyes to this day. He would beat me, gaslight me, and molest me for 16 years. There is nothing he can do that would make me accept any sort of apology, financially included. I just don’t want o be indebted to him and I can’t cut contact. I don’t want to lose family but who knows at this point. I don’t know what to do at this point. If anyone has any advice or suggestions, I’d really appreciate it.

It's very difficult for me to let go of that blockade, because it was a bitter experience, very hard for me. Living with that feeling of being blocked for so long was awful, terrible, something I never want to relive. It's horrible to be blocked at your own workplace; it's dreadful. You feel completely excluded, marginalized, out of touch, without any appreciation whatsoever, especially when the authorities do absolutely nothing. It's unbelievable, the lack of consideration is brutal. But of course, the point is that being blocked, in a way, doesn't necessarily mean you're blocked. The fact that a communication channel is closed doesn't necessarily mean communication has been cut off. It's necessary to adapt the relationship to the situation, especially if there's a work-related aspect involved, in order to make the whole thing truly effective. My friend decided to dedicate herself to it, to commit herself fully. She couldn't allow her efforts to be wasted. She was actually looking out for us, for the work; she acted collaboratively with it, and she certainly did a great deal of good. Of course, I'm speaking from my own perspective, and legally speaking, I'm as clean as the paper it's written on.

What happened at the office was a nightmare. Because of this mental block, I've felt dizzy, like I'm having trouble moving around normally, like I always do. I've had to be indifferent to certain situations, and I feel like it's been harder for me to be at the office because those cases where there are possibilities, where there are resources, aren't being taken into account. In fact, I feel like, because of this mental block, I'm sacrificing my work for the sake of us. But something has to be done; we can't just pretend nothing is happening, not at all. It's difficult for me to get around at work with this block, because I also feel that there will be times when it will be necessary to contact my friend, but the bosses themselves think it's not necessary, when it is, it is, it's not a matter of putting up with it, of pretending nothing is happening, I'm made invisible in my work spirit, it's made clear that I'm not part of the coworkers, I'm excluded from the office for good, with that block, I'm left out, and a few simple hugs don't make a difference. I don't sit in the office because I'm not part of the whole office, because I've been completely restricted from one part, and an office is all of its parts. But I don't think they understand that at all. I've definitely had to live like that, marginalized, outside the office, and nobody has noticed at all. And if I do say something, people will focus not on ethics, but on immediate consequences, because I don't perform any specific function. They don't think about the worst-case scenario, but rather about the current normality, something I used against my boss to corner him, to make his arbitrariness his worst nightmare, because that's precisely where his problems came from—when I stood up for him, when I was able to recognize when he was out of control, and in that way, expose his tyrannical spirit once and for all.

Anyway, I don't feel like I belong in that office, and what it says on paper is a complete lie. It's barely a payroll. I think I sought it out lately to lessen the marginalization as much as possible, simply trying to make her my friend at all costs so I'd feel compensated for it. After several blocks, of course, after going through so much, in a desperate attempt to avoid feeling trapped, I don't think the authorities understand this at all. They can be however they want, their senses can act as they please, they can do whatever they want because they're pleased by others, by her, but as far as I'm concerned, I'm definitely dispensable, not at all. Seeing her post in the group chat hurts because I have to live at the mercy of uncertainty, have to find third parties to talk to her, and also find myself under her restrictions, just like what happened with my boss. I feel like I tore my boss to shreds by not standing up for me against this marginalization, by trying to silence her at all costs, by not doing anything about it. Well, resorting to aggressive, coercive tactics with her was the last straw and made me do everything possible to bring that criminal spirit to light.

In that office, they know absolutely nothing about mental health, and I have to navigate this constant tension to prevent them from telling me to just ignore her. They're not interested in human resources, they don't care, it's not a concern for them at all. They're completely out of touch with what a work structure is, and for that reason, I'm not going to waste my breath on them.

Let them resolve their problems and issues among themselves; after all, they are the ones who know best. Personally, I feel I can live without this girl, friend, whatever she is—it's shameful to call someone a friend who fired me, who got me fired, without any justification, in defense of my rights, even though I was well-placed. But I was never going to stop being a good citizen for her sake; in fact, I was going to strengthen my commitment, I was going to act as best I could, all to do my part, which, by the way, was appreciated later on at the company. But it wasn't free; it came at the cost of everyone now being embroiled in conflict, of a living hell being sown. Of course, I moved pieces, I moved funds. I think if the law had helped me, it would have created even worse problems for others, unfortunately. But seeing how I acted to do my part, to promote the greatest possible harmony on her part, and seeing how that company became a hellhole instead, with that girl, that feeling that I'm okay with her, within my means, and they aren't, is something I somehow feel. That's more rewarding than the law, because somehow it makes them feel like I do, that feeling of being singled out, that feeling of her being with you and you not knowing why, that feeling of being disoriented. It's gratifying that they're finally putting themselves in my shoes. And what's even more gratifying is the risk of her blocking me again, so that this girl will come face to face with someone she'll actually be afraid of, someone who will make her face the consequences of her actions. It's exposing her to someone with whom things aren't easy, by having the fights she's currently having at the company, putting everyone at risk of something happening, of turning everything into a living hell, of making them feel like they can't take it anymore. Seeing that point makes me feel completely relieved, because it makes me see that they're going through what I did, and that no one else saw. Ironically, even though I'm the one who could talk the most, I do nothing. I turn a blind eye, just like they did to me.

As for my boss, well, let him see what life is like, let it play tricks on him, let it put him in the middle of anger, in the middle of something that shouldn't have happened, let it make him lose everything, let it disturb his peace. That's what my last moments with him were like, and by the way, in his case, it really weighs heavily on him, it's enough to make that office his tomb. He doesn't care about my peace, and I'll do the same to him. He used to make a living by turning a blind eye and creating problems for me, with the girl doing her thing with me, without him seeing a thing. Now the situation has changed. Now I'm him with him, and the girl is doing things with him. The roles have changed, so that once and for all, they learn to respect me. Unlike all of them, I'm perfectly legal, but they aren't, not among themselves, and I'm not going to do anything about it to protect him. I'll turn my back on them. It's their problem if they come out looking good or bad; let them see what they do to me.

I couldn't let my friend be harmed. I couldn't let a legal trick by the bosses take her away from me, especially since they encouraged this behavior. Their malicious actions, exploiting loopholes and turning a blind eye, allowed her to do whatever she wanted, without any limitations whatsoever. No one said a word to her unless she was backed into a corner. It wasn't fair. My friend was completely closed off. I can't say I obstructed the law because there was no open case or authority that could intervene, no relevant authority whatsoever. But I was going to find a way to protect my friend. We were developing a close relationship, and I wasn't going to let them take her away from me. I don't conspire with everyone, and it's not fair that I should lose my friends, especially one who guided me through those blocks, who prevented my bosses from finding me out as a harasser or abuser, even if that wasn't the case, but she protected me, she cared for me, and she also got me out of the clutches of this controlling boss I had. That definitely had to have some value; I mean, I felt like she was blocking me. The office blockades, and the way they were implemented, are against the law, indeed. However, I can't say I defended them, but I did everything I could to be with my friend, for us to become friends. I finally had that opportunity, and she was acting on it, so I protected her at all costs. I made my boss show his true colors, what he was made of, how he played with people's health, how he played with the rules and all that. He wasn't going to be seen as the hero of the greater good when he never earned it. He was going to use the girl as a prize, to completely deflect attention, to enforce the law as he wanted in his favor, abusing my friend's process of us becoming friends, of us being together. I confess, it's incredibly difficult to reason, especially after the writer's block. I still feel it, it makes me want to do something else while I write, it makes me want to run away from these words. I wasn't going to let my boss get away with it, especially when his work affected millions of people, turning them into some kind of commodity or something. I wasn't going to allow it. However, despite everything, I chose to act silently, calmly, so that I would always be protected. It's fine that she's my friend, but I also need my own legal protection to act, and I acted accordingly. Well, I feel that somehow I'm lifting my gaze, my head, after observing the block. I feel that somehow I was stuck there all this time, for quite a few months, and I mean quite a few. I feel that I can finally turn away and focus on something else.

That situation, with her as the aggressor, definitely hasn't stopped, and I don't know if anyone can take action. The truth is, I got out of it. Besides, if my boss reported me, it would ruin the rest of the office, just as he wanted, to save himself from everyone else's disgrace. He wanted to make me face the consequences of his actions, of being a scoundrel who manipulated the bureaucracy as he pleased, just like he did with me, manipulating promises. I had to weigh up the options: was it him getting away with it, doing whatever he wanted, destroying the lives of millions of people, or acting for the girl, who had me completely blocked at the office, but who was something I could live with. At least it would allow me to do something about my boss, who was already distracted, and put him in his place once and for all. The guy took me and did whatever he wanted with me, without my permission, under the guise of institutional protection, claiming it was abandonment. The girl can unblock me if she wants, just by saying so, but of course, that will raise other suspicions about other situations. However, that's not my problem anymore. I can only look out for myself, try to minimize the legal intervention while something can still be done, always under her watch, of course. Wow, I've spent so much time staring at that blocked phone; it's like it absorbed me completely, for God's sake. Somehow, that blocked phone led me to see the office, to get me out of there, to throw me out of its confines through my perception, to see where I was. It was the last straw, madness. I feel like I can finally see the office in the distance, as it always should have been. What a misfortune to have worked with such a corrupt boss, where I always had to turn a blind eye. The guy was clearly an abuser. What a relief to finally feel free from that mental block. I never thought I'd overcome it. I feel like it somehow forced me to strain my eyes, to look at everything, to describe it. I finally feel good, after so long. I couldn't file a complaint, but the authorities have been good.

Definitely, this attempt they were making to finally expose my boss, to show that he was doing whatever he wanted with the paperwork, was something I had to fully support, because he was truly corrupt. In fact, it seems to me that he wasn't applying any methodology or anything like that on purpose, with the aim of dismantling the current administration; rather, everything was learned on the fly. In other words, it was all intentional, and now I understand why they were trying to smear me, because I would see the things that would clearly expose them. The guy thought I wouldn't act based on my own knowledge, that I would take it all in stride, but that wasn't the case. I was always informed about everything, seeing the big picture. I wasn't going to let my friend be led astray and thus tear the administration to shreds. He'd also wanted to dismantle the other department we shared with for some time now, to do things his way. He was a criminal, from every point of view, undeclared, not protected by bureaucracy; however, this young woman wasn't acting criminally, she wasn't marginalizing me in any way, she was guiding me, making full use of the arrangement we had. She was acting with complete sanity, unaware that the law would see it as marginalization, and what she was doing wasn't marginalization. The blockade was simply defining our relationship within our environment, in the office, safeguarding it, making it possible, preventing it from collapsing, of course, for the absolute benefit of the hierarchy as a facilitator of information. Anything beyond work would be dangerous, it would inflame things. I couldn't allow my boss's opinion to dictate the matter, a clear abuse of external influence.

Frankly, I'm afraid to discuss this with an AI, to make arguments, because the issue doesn't apply. For her to be marginalizing me with a block shows a complete lack of understanding of the very essence of a block. The button says "block," but that doesn't mean communication is blocked. On the contrary, it allows, it shapes, it structures. That's crucial to understand. This isn't about just any relationship; it's about applying it to the relationship itself. That's the point. I wasn't going to let her effort go to waste. In fact, she's not being provocative with me at all; quite the opposite. She's helping the relationship flourish, even professionally. What she did was perfectly fine, despite any prejudices. She acted in favor of the job, its stability, so we could be together, so that work wouldn't be an obstacle in any way. She acted for us. Wow, it's hard for me to say this because the whole "block button" thing is often interpreted as a complete block, when it's not always like that. Because, I insist, it guides, coordinates, and establishes a form of communication that expresses a "no" that isn't appropriate. My boss wasn't going to abuse that, and I wasn't going to try to gain power over her. She's my friend, I love her very much.

I'm afraid that office doesn't know how to protect itself at all. I'm prepared to file a complaint against this girl, and if they respond aggressively, I can calmly state that they're marginalizing me and protecting her, that they're enabling this situation, and that the office has long been in need of intervention. I have absolutely nothing to lose, however, that's not my intention. What I do want is to be protected from any danger while I'm in that office, from that girl's behavior, in case there's any trouble, or from anyone else. Simply pretending that everyone else is different isn't enough to protect myself; I need to feel like I have the office under my control, that everything is in my hands. At least that way, people will leave me alone and allow me to do what I want. Ironically, this girl sacrificed herself, as well as the very authorities she so fiercely defended and loved, and everyone else—their jobs, their employment, everything. She unwittingly placed them all in my hands, all because of her closed-mindedness, her self-imposed nature, her insistence on always being the way she wanted, on having only the friends she wanted, and that's it. She defended others, embraced others, loved others, and because others couldn't handle it out of fear. They were all condemned by her. She took everyone for a ride, of course, all thanks to her absolute assumptions, her prejudices against me, her failure to know me, her refusal to go beyond her own rules, her belief that things are the way they are, without considering whether they are protected by law or not. In other words, she definitely doesn't keep up with the times. This is the risk of not preparing to be a citizen. The premises were under my absolute control, primarily because of my own boss, who now acts as a slave to my family to avoid problems, conflicts, and any legal issues, or to avoid tarnishing his image. The man dared to call my father and is now under the full force of his wrath, the height of his fury, all for wanting to push beyond his limits. My boss was a dangerous individual who managed to escape from everywhere and was resisting capture, and I turned him in, both to the authorities and to my family. In other words, the man dug his own grave in the office, without me being able to do anything more. The girl's blocking me is infuriating. Honestly, I feel completely marginalized, ostracized from the office, at risk of something happening that would prevent me from contacting her directly. This has really bothered me, because what happens in the group, what comes up publicly, is everyone's problem and ours alone. I don't feel taken into account at all; in fact, I feel totally excluded. Anything that happens involving her affects me, fills me with thoughts, and then I can't do anything but stay silent, hold back, simply disappear, at the mercy of this marginalization. Meanwhile, the authorities can do whatever they want, and behind my back, contact her however they please, and she allows it, leaving me out of the loop, thinking I'm the only one who hasn't been able to reach her.

Things really got to this point. There was a situation with a family member where he died, and precisely because of my silence, my lack of communication, I was left completely adrift. When she posted about it in the group, everyone else was able to do something, to talk about it, except me, without any justification. The authorities, however, were able to. What a terrible pain. It's hard to describe because I feel like I have to fight against the mental block it left me with. The impact is as if it wants to drastically stop me from writing, as if it won't allow me to write. The pain is so intense, the pressure is so overwhelming, it's just too much to write. When they announced his death, I didn't know if he had died or if he was already there. I was completely in a daze, not knowing what was happening, what was going to happen, what to do. I simply didn't write, and I was surprised that everyone else posted their condolences and all that. The girl couldn't give me the information; she was afraid of rejecting me. She didn't know what to do. She's someone who doesn't know what she's doing. However, under the guise of blocking her, she's getting into serious trouble, and I was just graduating from university, so I couldn't allow this. The person who was trying to manipulate her, even at the cost of making her give in, I tore her to shreds because that's definitely not the way to deal with her. Things didn't go according to the standards of support I had received, support that I felt was worthy of me, and that's why I got angry with her.

I feel like that girl is living the high life right now, despite being an aggressor against me, someone who marginalizes me, and I'm even allowing it. How can I be friends with someone who excludes me from her life, for God's sake? How can I be friends with someone I don't see as just another coworker? The thing is, I can't really consider her a coworker because that office doesn't behave like an office at all; it's more of a social hub. Rules are completely irrelevant there, which is why I didn't file a complaint. Even though there are contracts and everything, the spirit of the law is entirely nonexistent. There's nothing there that establishes a regulatory framework, and there are no authorities to enforce it. People there don't know the law, except to run away. Work is a joke, an escape from life. What matters there is socializing, not the company itself. The company is secondary; in fact, the company is used for socializing, not for actual work. My contract might say one thing, but reality is quite different. That's why I never acted according to the blockade; in fact, I made it the least important thing in the matter so that the girl wouldn't be ruined. In fact, that's why I told my boss to go to hell, so that whatever he did would radically undermine him, so that his much-loved reputation would be destroyed. I wasn't interested in the girl being reported in any way; I was interested in her getting ahead. After the roadblocks started, they began to take her seriously, and the issue of the social center was going to change radically; it was heading in that direction, it was going to be abused, of course, because the incentives weren't implemented on time, so that my boss could get away with it, destroy the life of that girl who wasn't aware of what she was doing, who was in the process of getting to know me—I'm glad to be able to write despite feeling that block, which is quite drastic; I've been writing constantly to get to the root of it, but it's not easy.

It had been many months of feeling blocked, enduring things. I couldn't allow my boss to take advantage of the law; it wasn't fair, especially since I had encouraged that young woman to fully embrace her spirit of socialization. They weren't going to get away with it. I couldn't allow her environment to condemn her. She had a right to a life, to get ahead, to progress, to feel part of society, and to not fulfill that sentence that she wasn't fit to be outside. How fortunate that young woman was, both in terms of the affection of that family and the affection of others. The young woman could improve, and she has, and it hasn't been easy. Besides, they were going to take advantage of her, not having provided the incentive in time, taking her by surprise, and I wasn't going to allow it, all because of those prejudices about women and all that. Definitely, I had to stop, pause, because what they were going to do to her was retaliation for her not conforming to the group; it was going to be an absolute crime.

I can't help but wonder sometimes if Albert Einstein might have had ADHD. You know, when you read about his life and how he was in school, it kinda makes me think about my own experiences. Like, I've always had trouble focusing on stuff that doesn't interest me, just like he supposedly did with math early on. My mind goes a million miles a minute and it's hard to keep things in order.

A buddy of mine once told me that Einstein was messy too, and I can relate so much to that! My workspace just looks like a tornado hit it half the time. Things everywhere and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to keep it neat. But who knows? Maybe that's just what helps creative thinking happen. It's frustrating though because people expect you to be organized all the time.

I'm just thinking out loud here because there are days where I feel like it's really holding me back. It'd be nice if someone famous like him shared a bit of what I'm going through. But let's be real, there's no way to know for sure if he had ADHD or not back then (or even if it'd matter). Still, curious thoughts cross my mind from time to time... 😊

I've come to the harsh realization that perhaps, I'm not the nicest person around. In my mid-thirties, I find myself surrounded only by a single friend and a girlfriend, yet I can't shake the feeling that I'm somehow superior to others. My lifestyle is quite reclusive; I shy away from any social gatherings related to work, and most of my routine revolves around my job, hitting the gym, smoking weed, and cycling. Traveling and cycling in the forest are my escapes, the rare times I don't feel swamped by depression.

Interacting with people, especially in groups, is a daunting task for me. The fear of turning red-faced and being judged negatively is always lurking. Thus, I avoid such situations altogether. There's a worrisome intensity in the way I live; I indulge too often in alcohol or getting high, viewing people merely as elements that enhance my own existence. My eyes wander too freely, admiring every attractive woman I come across, often blatantly flirting in the presence of my girlfriend. Even though these thoughts are never vocalized, I often catch myself belittling others or feeling utter disdain towards them internally.

I confess to being a staunch atheist, holding a disdainful view towards those who are spiritually inclined, believing myself to be smarter, better-looking, and stronger. The resentment builds whenever I see someone possessing what I desire, although I manage to keep this anger bottled up within.

Dominating these emotions is a profound sense of isolation, mixed oddly with a perverse comfort in wallowing in my misery. Sometimes, hurting my own feelings seems like a twisted form of pleasure, perhaps because it means feeling something at all.

My family background does little to lighten my outlook. My brother lives with the dark shadow of being a murderer and a former heroin addict. My father was a violent man, devoid of emotions, who ultimately took his own life. My mother, afflicted by illness so severe that she has been bedridden since my childhood, sparks a guilt within me for not taking care of her. However, I've chosen a path of self-preservation as dedicating myself to her care would consume my own existence entirely.

This life I've crafted for myself is one I despise, yet a part of me feels I shouldn't. With a good education, a well-paying job, and an undeniable appeal to women, I should feel fulfilled. Instead, I’m left feeling empty and, frankly, disgusted with myself for sounding like a self-pitying fool. What the hell is wrong with me?

Despite my efforts not to belittle others overtly, the impression that people don’t like me is hard to shake off. Loneliness is a constant companion.

If I were to join a reality show, my character might be polarizing. Would the audience appreciate my brutally honest introspections, or would they be repelled by my self-confessed arrogance and emotional detachment? It's intriguing yet terrifying to ponder how my persona would unfold under the constant scrutiny of cameras and a public audience.

I chose the friendship stories category but yeah it's related to friendship, love, family, work... I am like that.

Hey everyone, I’m not usually one to air my personal stuff, but I really need some advice here. For the past few months, I’ve had this gut feeling that my wife might be cheating on me, and it's eating me alive. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but the signs are starting to pile up, and I’m just not sure what to do.

It all started when she began staying late at work more often. At first, I didn’t think much of it—she’s always been dedicated to her job. But then, she became super protective of her phone. She used to leave it lying around, but now she keeps it close and seems to be on it all the time, even at odd hours. And when I casually ask about her day, her answers feel...vague? Like she’s hiding something.

Then there are the little things. She started dressing up more than usual, even just to “run errands” or meet friends. It’s almost like she’s trying to impress someone. I’ve tried to brush it off, telling myself I’m being paranoid, but every time I bring it up, she gets defensive or says I’m just being insecure. It makes me feel like maybe I’m overthinking, but part of me feels like my concerns are valid.

To make things worse, I found a receipt for a fancy dinner that she said was a "work thing," but I know her company usually doesn’t do dinners like that. I keep second-guessing myself, and now I’m stuck in this loop of anxiety. I don’t want to accuse her without solid proof, but I also can’t keep living in this uncertainty.

So here I am, asking for advice. Has anyone else been through this? How do you confront someone you love without it turning into a huge fight? Should I even bring it up again, or am I just being paranoid? Any advice would be appreciated—I feel like I’m losing my mind here.

For the longest time, I’ve been stuck in this cycle of excuses. I’d wake up every morning telling myself I’d make changes, that today would be different, but by the time the day ended, I was back to square one. Whether it’s eating healthier, exercising, or even just cleaning my space, I keep putting it off. I’d tell myself, "I’ll start tomorrow," but tomorrow never seems to come.

Yesterday was my breaking point. I was scrolling through social media and saw an old friend post about running their first marathon. I remember how we used to run together, how much I loved it back then. And now? I can’t even jog up the stairs without feeling winded. It hit me like a ton of bricks—what am I even doing with my life? Why do I keep finding reasons to avoid what I know I need to do?

I looked around my apartment after that. Clothes piled up on the floor, dishes in the sink from who-knows-how-many days ago, and a gym membership card collecting dust on the counter. That’s when it finally clicked—it’s time to stop. It’s time to stop avoiding the hard stuff, time to stop pretending everything will fix itself, and time to stop being my own worst enemy.

I don’t have a perfect plan yet, and honestly, I’m scared I’ll slip back into my old habits. But I know I can’t keep going like this. If I don’t make a change now, when will I? Maybe writing this out will help me stay accountable. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re feeling stuck too, maybe it’s time to stop and take the first step. We’ve got this.

Got lots of love to give but no one wants to have it. They want the toxic ones.

Hi so my love life has been shit and so I've written some piece. I have no prior experience in writing or anything. I just wrote whatever I wanted to and this is what i've written

BLASPHEMY

Author’s Note: This piece is my own personal story which is inspired to me by the song I love and relate, Kalapastangan by fitterkarma

“ I’ll die with a smile

As long as you are by my side

I’ll live with regret

If I couldn’t make you smile one day yet

It is blasphemy not to love you

It is madness not to think of you

If the world were to suddenly fall apart

You’re the first one I’d look for….”

If one were to ask how I feel about you, these words would always be the first to conquer my mind.

I can feel them rushing through the blood in every part of my body, engraving my soul. All my five senses; sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch, yearns for you only, only you….

How could I ever stop loving you? It’s a sin to even think of such dreadful thoughts!!!!

I wonder how much of everything was real to you? Maybe everything was fun to you, though it was never to me and will never be. I was foolish to think I ever meant something to you. My whole world crashed as I realized I’ll never be…

They are sick of hearing about you, they tell me to forget about you. But how could I ever!? One told me to admire you but how am I supposed do that only as I have always admired you from faraway…

It aches to have the thoughts of you forever disappearing from my life. It pains to let go of you.

I wish I never realized I love you…

They tell me to not overthink and I’ll be okay but what wrong have I done? Is it a sin to love someone very deeply? They don’t believe me when I tell them I’ll keep on loving you even if you don’t exist in my chapter anymore but I know for sure you’d be the one for me as long as you exist, even if years passes by…

Even though it was for short moment, I’ll keep it close to my soul for eternity. The thought of moving on, forgetting about you and falling in love with someone new genuinely kills me deep from inside. I was over the moon when you first texted me and I could feel happiness oozing out from myself during the times we spent together.

I curse the universe for this seriously. Why does the universe have to play this game to me? Ever time I wanted to forget about you, the universe would keep reminding me about you!! If only I never realized I loved you, if only you didn’t text me and met me; would I be in this much pain….

I don’t want these emotions to be fleeting, I don’t want to forget about my love for you. So, I can be reminded of this everytime if I start forgetting. If only you knew how much everything meant to me. You’d always be the one in my mind always and every passing moment, the one whom I look for amongst the places I go, knowing you’ll never be there….

I LOVE YOU “S”.

Music Credit: “Kalapastangan” by fitterkarma (lyrics translated by iyang)