Anonymous Venting for Mental Health and Emotional Support

Artificial intelligence has its issues with me, but it's not like that between my friend and me. Everything reminds me of her; everything always involves her. Personally, I don't want anything more to do with my boss. Everything revolves around him feeling at ease, and I don't want to help anyone feel at ease, to calm them down, under any circumstances. That goes against my principles, and they didn't seem to understand that group. For this group, the boss's peace of mind is what matters, so he can move around freely and we can feel safe—that's their way of thinking. He's the reason we're okay, and without him, we're in trouble. And believe me, I'm independent and I take risks. The world is meant to be lived, and that's something she possesses, allowing me to experience it the way I want, in my own way, and allowing me to be with her the way I want. In fact, she trusts that I won't conform to others, so there will always be a space just for her. Something she herself does with me. I don't feel the need to protect my privacy with her; rather, I feel completely inspired to talk about my life no matter what. She's the best, unlike my boss, who doesn't understand that, because he believes everyone should be better off, and the only way to achieve that is by pushing the most capable to the top, which is precisely what causes his stumbles and leaves others behind, all because it's supposedly for the best of the group. What a failure of an individual.

I won't deny that I'd like to write her name in these lines, but I don't want to because I feel I want to get to what that name represents for me, and it's exciting to say it. Thanks to her, I was able to interact with those people who frightened me, precisely because of how beautiful they were, and therefore imposing in their environment, but with her, I learned to navigate life beyond that effect of beauty, at least the traditional kind. Initially, because I established the following: I am the owner, a notion that seemed somewhat strange to them, given that beauty made people change towards them, unlike others. Someone dared to stand up to them, and by doing so, they understood that I was, in some way, part of their group. Furthermore, there was someone who faced their tests head-on, who confronted them. While a test consists of seeing if something happens, and that happens is based on something concrete, then the test expresses a defined world, the outside world, and not being part of that outside world creates the feeling of being inside. Well, I won't be part of the group professionally, but I recognize them, and that certainly leaves a place there.

In addition, my spirit is the opposite of what my boss was like, that paternal figure who does whatever he pleases and revels in the way women treat each other when he's not in control. My temperament is the complete opposite, and that's why my boss favored me, both in terms of his affection and his influence. Of course, I didn't agree with him, and it was beyond his control. He was always wary of me, to the point of interfering in my life. In fact, he did this with everyone under his supervision. It was his way of ensuring he got ahead without problems, but these are a part of life, and even though he dealt with them, he did so hastily, trying to prevent anything from happening. In fact, he did this with everything, but it led to a completely unstable life, and of course, people would try to get out of it by any means necessary. And of course, he was a manipulator, using whatever he saw as a way to gain control. The word "dominance" is definitely not part of my character, and that's what this young woman observed. This led me to always try, in every context, to be a guide regarding communication, my work situation, and even how I treated her. Of course, this meant defining our place in the company and making her, naturally, need to act on our behalf through a restrained but fair tone, allowing for openness—something she doesn't do with others, not even if her own mother asks her to. The other girls in her group don't see any harm in this; quite the opposite. They see that she has gained a close friend, something that didn't happen before, and someone who appreciates them for more than just their looks. In essence, it's a welcome respite for the group from the vicissitudes of their environment. It's not pleasant to be feared and therefore restricted in one's actions, as this can be seen as an invitation to abuse, demonstrating that they choose manipulation to benefit from their beauty.

My boss was determined to dismantle that group, as it was defiant of his principles. They weren't willing to submit to him. In essence, my boss seeks control over everything, by any means necessary, to avoid any obstacles. He wants everything to be easy for him, but this tendency leads him to excesses, and then, feeling comfortable, people start to fight back.

We all feel comfortable, and under the assumption that there are rules, they aren't allowed to be, but the idea was to involve everything: the bureaucratic aspects and life outside of them, the social aspects. In this sense, the authorities were reluctant to speak publicly, because they must defend to the employees the principle that they operate based on their freedom to socialize while also being able to do their jobs—a vital balance for any company, since situations can arise in both areas that could be detrimental to everyone, and the issue is public, not confined to just one group within the company. However, my boss doesn't operate from that perspective, unlike many others there. Everyone operates from their own limited perspective instead of acting within the constraints of their position and status, in a way that fosters empathy regarding how the company operates. This attitude is evident at parties, where people socialize to share comments, but never discuss the internal matters of each group. At work, however, there is restriction. In this sense, parties allow for the silencing of internal situations, preventing them from being exposed. Company parties function as a veil, concealing details of each group's inner workings and, at the same time, provoking those who might be interested, thus allowing them to be denounced, for goodness' sake.

Well, I discover many interesting things as life throws curveballs at me regarding the girl, since I always occupy a space where she's not present, generally speaking, although curiously, I'm always looking for her. Of course, this allows me to express that I'm not enjoying myself without her, which in turn makes my being with her evident to the group, because otherwise it would be a cover-up, not facing the public. The world of human relationships is a very interesting thing to me, especially when it involves the absolute destruction of the ideal of what a company should be, not under a rigid compliance scheme, but one where it needs its space to thrive, in terms of respecting the bureaucratic system. I don't know personally if there's anyone in the office who wants me to know this. Well, they act it out, but that doesn't make them aware of it. It's impressive to see how easily they're swept along by the current; they're like puppets, protecting themselves from conflict, from being marginalized. That's the main reason, I think, for this eagerness to go with the flow, and they've all mobilized to be part of it. To that extent, people are manipulated to achieve mobilizations, as long as they can justify it to others outside the group to guarantee stability within those other groups.

The spirit of individuality isn't established, and these people fill me with immense fear. I can't show myself as an individualist, as I've always been; it would be dangerous. And she can't show herself as someone who likes to socialize, not at all. We're not allowed either because it implies suspicion. Being together solves that problem, and that's why we enjoy this. This is true in every environment, based on how our family members define us.

The people in the office have rather strange notions of life. They don't know what forces they're dealing with; they live more at their mercy. I'm tired of writing so much about this, but I suspect it's because I haven't been to the office, not because I've been in my own world as much as I wanted, but because I'm trying to shape it somehow by not being there. I'm not there because of recent tragedies in my homeland. I feel that the world there is completely alien to how I understand it. They operate through group dynamics, not according to bureaucracy, but rather using it as a shield for their own forces to carry them out. Bureaucracy establishes the rules of conduct and what is permitted, thus creating a kind of arena where one survives by advancing oneself, by any means necessary. In this sense, one definitely doesn't understand what a company is, because bureaucracy serves as a guide for carrying out actions; it's the foundation for action, the basis from which groups are mobilized. In other words, what is inherent to these groups results in a way of mobilizing based on bureaucracy, within a particular form of praxis that, when compared to other groups, serves as an example of bureaucratic praxis. Otherwise, the idea that groups operate under a self-defined framework is embraced; that is, they don't become flexible but rather islands within the same organization. However, I can't explain this in a million years, precisely because such islands will fiercely resist change, since they are already defined. The consequence of these islands is precisely the need for gossip, in order to see where each group will strike, so as to carry out a practice. That is, such islands lead to gossip and a behavior that actually maintains them. It's incredible how this is seen as funny and no one does anything about it. In fact, the use of blindness to the misuse of bureaucracy is applauded as a defense, even though the matter is completely illegal and, by God's grace, complicity is complicity.

Personally, I don't know what I'm doing in a company like this. I think it's precisely because of this, because of these islands, that I'm with a girl where we're transparent, each on our own, but always together, precisely because we make our relationship unique, we make it so that we're truly there. We set aside formalities because it results in being just like this environment, and we absolutely don't want to be like that, not in any way. We're not interested in dealing with people like this, and we're fed up because it's all about appearances, and we're overwhelmed by clinging to them, by being scolded because of those prejudices, by suffering through events that are unrelated to what we committed to. We're tired of being absorbed and we don't want them. If the authorities lack the necessary competence to effectively unite us, that's not our problem, but we can't continue paying for their negligence. My friend does her best to avoid the people who want to take us in when I'm with her, and when it's my turn, I simply keep my distance. I like to be alone, and people take advantage of that, playing on the "shortcomings" of her not being with me, but I refuse because I'm with her. It hurts not to be involved in her affairs, but I recognize that she's somewhat intrusive. Besides, to do something that probably won't be significant, I won't contribute anything, and that's partly why people avoid her because she's always talking about them to others, in a way she thinks is funny, but others, precisely because of her inability to do anything and her exaggerating it, consider her narcissistic.

It's curious, but the bosses never want to be around her, perhaps to avoid revealing that they're seeking her out for some ulterior motive, given that she does indeed hold a privileged social position thanks to her skillful acquisition of material wealth and the frequency of certain things. The bosses don't want to lose her because of this ability, which could easily cause complications at the top. However, since her contributions are somewhat burdensome, this is undermined, leading to her marginalization by everyone else, who don't enjoy listening to her stories. Both the others and the bosses feel drawn in: the former to avoid losing her, and the latter for the benefits she might offer. In short, she's caught between a rock and a hard place. My boss wanted to distance me from her after she spread some gossip, but for me it was nothing more than a social grievance. Things got out of hand during an argument, and I stood firm in my position. Besides, it all turned out to be in my best interest to defend my work, while she vehemently believed it was something else entirely. Indeed, she was disoriented and didn't know what to do; she needed everyone's support.

That's when her need for support arose, and that's why she told everyone, surprisingly, in a frightened way—it's what they would have called "a complete mess." She simply acted according to her own social norms, completely disregarding her bureaucracy. My boss was totally in his own world, initially thinking I shared his principles. At least now he's understanding that I'm not on his wavelength and that I never liked her. The reason I went to him was to make him keep his word regarding a promise he had made to me, nothing more. However, his insistence on it, which wasn't transparent, made him think he had other motives, and also that he had no other option but to keep me on his side. Such a mindset is conducive to imposing his will, which is unfortunate.

I don't know how the girl is doing right now; I recently saw her in an Instagram photo posted by her boss. I can't move the girl, as long as she can radically differentiate herself from the other employees in relation to me. That is, she doesn't like to follow any formalities and needs that to be understood. This is part of her approach, where she abandons herself and gives herself over completely, thus establishing her difference from other coworkers, since she's a friend. I love her very much, but they didn't like her at the office because of it. I personally ignored her behavior; I couldn't control myself, and indeed, that always required going further, adapting to the circumstances, being timid, which was the way to achieve a moderate level of control over the situation. Furthermore, she, who is building her career, needed a life partner by her side, since she didn't have one, at least not at the office, at least not within this work environment. I don't know if she has someone else out there, the fact is that she doesn't move in accordance with others; she always moves alone, and that's quite complicated. She doesn't feel protected, at least not at the office. I don't think she'll ever leave me if she has to. I think she'll always carry me with her because I'm there to give her lots of affection, while she remains passive, receptive, and opens doors for it however she can. Without a doubt, it seems I have a place in her life, a unique one, initially, because I'm a stranger, and I've managed to overcome that, through actions, as it should be, more than with words. As a stranger, not being in the same context as her, where everything is defined and there are no gaps, everything lends itself to manipulation.

My boss, it seems, lived only for ensuring the group's image wasn't compromised. That's what he calls taking care of the group, a completely rigid thing that he tries to maintain at all costs, even playing the victim if necessary. He's definitely not someone who adheres to any principles, because for him, that would be rigid and risky for the future, for the world he inhabits. For him, being the one with the most bureaucratic power, it's considered the one who can obtain the most benefits, therefore everyone else has to fall because of him. His imposing way of doing things has caused him problems, because he acts on his own, not for the company's benefit.

Same old story with me. I'm like a broken record. I hate this. Some days I'm clearer, I can manage the flashbacks or the whatever. But other days I can't. I can't focus, I see images of things I don't want to see anymore or hear screams. Or I remember so vividly I get lost in the flashbacks for like, 3 seconds, and I even say what I'd have said, or did, during whatever moment I'm remembering. There's no Escape from it.

I hate that it's cost me so much. Of myself and ofc my pals. I just want this stuff out of my head. But that's impossible. Therapy be damned, I will always live with these memories, I know this, I've spoken to so many people with the same type of haunts, and it never, ever leaves. Will it persist to my deathbed? And always questions, stupid useless questions with no answer, but my childhood self is still asking why, how, why. Stupid! But I keep ah, keep on asking ahaha, ahhh fuckk man. fuck me. And sleeping, oh my love. My mistress(a full night's rest) fuckin eloped on my ass because I can't even get proper rest. Always screams.

Was easier when I wasn't in bed alone. Oh well. I wonder how much more of this I can take feasibly before idek. something has to change

I have been married to my husband for almost 20 years. We have kids together and have been relatively happy together- just the normal issues! I recently dropped some weight and strangely enough have started feeling insecure- which never have felt in all the years in our marriage. I just all the sudden had a sick/ empty pit in my stomach that something wasn’t right. So I started noticing things. He went to lunch with an attractive co- worker- which I was upset about and he thought it was funny. Then I noticed him being on his phone ALL the time and taking it everywhere with him. And a few nights while I was in bed I swear I saw him looking at girls online. I confronted him about it and he said it was TikTok and it was not anything. I swear I saw nudity. And so a few nights later I swear I saw him looking at girls again, and again he said I was crazy. He even gave me his phone (for a short time). But he is very good at lying and hiding things. I know what I saw. And now he will be on his phone and when I come near him I can tell he is switching out of what app or website he is on. I told him I think he has some other secret life on his phone and he just tells me I have lost it. And since then he has been disconnected, mean, ignoring me a lot of times and picking fights. So now I don’t know what to do. And then he will randomly be nice one day and buy me things. Its so up and down and before I brought anything up it was mostly all great days!

I can’t look through his phone-it’s literally always with him and he is too good at hiding things anyway. So I have no “physical “ proof “ but I just know he is being shady. I don’t want to end a 20 year marriage over this , but I don’t want to continue like this either. I feel like now that I have outed him -he has pushed me away, so who knows how long this has actually been happening and I was just naive! I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to keep looking for proof- which is literally causing so much anxiety. And part of me just wants to ignore this and make it go away and go back to how it was before.

Owning a small business, especially in New York, comes with its own set of challenges and hurdles that we must navigate daily. Recently, I've found myself neck-deep in a sea of negative online comments targeting my little establishment: completely unwarranted, I might add! It's been overwhelming, to say the least. These aren't genuine complaints from unsatisfied customers; rather, they read like orchestrated attempts to tarnish the reputation of my newly launched cafe. Given the sudden influx and uniformity in phrasing, I strongly suspect it's a competitor who's taken this underhanded approach to gain an edge over us.

Having invested significant time and energy into building this dream (a place where passion meets hospitality) it's disheartening to see how easily nameless adversaries can manipulate digital platforms for their benefit. One would expect some healthy competition but not such malice. The other day, I reflected on an old saying: "If you can't beat them, join them," yet joining hands with unethical practices is not something I stand by. It leaves me questioning: does customer trust even matter anymore when sleazy tactics undermine genuine effort? Despite maintaining high standards in both service and quality, there's this constant shadow cast by negativity that seems all too personal lately...😟 How does one fight shadowy figures with keyboards as weapons; framing every win as tainted due to unseen whispers behind screens?

I've come to the harsh realization that perhaps, I'm not the nicest person around. In my mid-thirties, I find myself surrounded only by a single friend and a girlfriend, yet I can't shake the feeling that I'm somehow superior to others. My lifestyle is quite reclusive; I shy away from any social gatherings related to work, and most of my routine revolves around my job, hitting the gym, smoking weed, and cycling. Traveling and cycling in the forest are my escapes, the rare times I don't feel swamped by depression.

Interacting with people, especially in groups, is a daunting task for me. The fear of turning red-faced and being judged negatively is always lurking. Thus, I avoid such situations altogether. There's a worrisome intensity in the way I live; I indulge too often in alcohol or getting high, viewing people merely as elements that enhance my own existence. My eyes wander too freely, admiring every attractive woman I come across, often blatantly flirting in the presence of my girlfriend. Even though these thoughts are never vocalized, I often catch myself belittling others or feeling utter disdain towards them internally.

I confess to being a staunch atheist, holding a disdainful view towards those who are spiritually inclined, believing myself to be smarter, better-looking, and stronger. The resentment builds whenever I see someone possessing what I desire, although I manage to keep this anger bottled up within.

Dominating these emotions is a profound sense of isolation, mixed oddly with a perverse comfort in wallowing in my misery. Sometimes, hurting my own feelings seems like a twisted form of pleasure, perhaps because it means feeling something at all.

My family background does little to lighten my outlook. My brother lives with the dark shadow of being a murderer and a former heroin addict. My father was a violent man, devoid of emotions, who ultimately took his own life. My mother, afflicted by illness so severe that she has been bedridden since my childhood, sparks a guilt within me for not taking care of her. However, I've chosen a path of self-preservation as dedicating myself to her care would consume my own existence entirely.

This life I've crafted for myself is one I despise, yet a part of me feels I shouldn't. With a good education, a well-paying job, and an undeniable appeal to women, I should feel fulfilled. Instead, I’m left feeling empty and, frankly, disgusted with myself for sounding like a self-pitying fool. What the hell is wrong with me?

Despite my efforts not to belittle others overtly, the impression that people don’t like me is hard to shake off. Loneliness is a constant companion.

If I were to join a reality show, my character might be polarizing. Would the audience appreciate my brutally honest introspections, or would they be repelled by my self-confessed arrogance and emotional detachment? It's intriguing yet terrifying to ponder how my persona would unfold under the constant scrutiny of cameras and a public audience.

I chose the friendship stories category but yeah it's related to friendship, love, family, work... I am like that.

Hey everyone, I’m not usually one to air my personal stuff, but I really need some advice here. For the past few months, I’ve had this gut feeling that my wife might be cheating on me, and it's eating me alive. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but the signs are starting to pile up, and I’m just not sure what to do.

It all started when she began staying late at work more often. At first, I didn’t think much of it—she’s always been dedicated to her job. But then, she became super protective of her phone. She used to leave it lying around, but now she keeps it close and seems to be on it all the time, even at odd hours. And when I casually ask about her day, her answers feel...vague? Like she’s hiding something.

Then there are the little things. She started dressing up more than usual, even just to “run errands” or meet friends. It’s almost like she’s trying to impress someone. I’ve tried to brush it off, telling myself I’m being paranoid, but every time I bring it up, she gets defensive or says I’m just being insecure. It makes me feel like maybe I’m overthinking, but part of me feels like my concerns are valid.

To make things worse, I found a receipt for a fancy dinner that she said was a "work thing," but I know her company usually doesn’t do dinners like that. I keep second-guessing myself, and now I’m stuck in this loop of anxiety. I don’t want to accuse her without solid proof, but I also can’t keep living in this uncertainty.

So here I am, asking for advice. Has anyone else been through this? How do you confront someone you love without it turning into a huge fight? Should I even bring it up again, or am I just being paranoid? Any advice would be appreciated—I feel like I’m losing my mind here.

For the longest time, I’ve been stuck in this cycle of excuses. I’d wake up every morning telling myself I’d make changes, that today would be different, but by the time the day ended, I was back to square one. Whether it’s eating healthier, exercising, or even just cleaning my space, I keep putting it off. I’d tell myself, "I’ll start tomorrow," but tomorrow never seems to come.

Yesterday was my breaking point. I was scrolling through social media and saw an old friend post about running their first marathon. I remember how we used to run together, how much I loved it back then. And now? I can’t even jog up the stairs without feeling winded. It hit me like a ton of bricks—what am I even doing with my life? Why do I keep finding reasons to avoid what I know I need to do?

I looked around my apartment after that. Clothes piled up on the floor, dishes in the sink from who-knows-how-many days ago, and a gym membership card collecting dust on the counter. That’s when it finally clicked—it’s time to stop. It’s time to stop avoiding the hard stuff, time to stop pretending everything will fix itself, and time to stop being my own worst enemy.

I don’t have a perfect plan yet, and honestly, I’m scared I’ll slip back into my old habits. But I know I can’t keep going like this. If I don’t make a change now, when will I? Maybe writing this out will help me stay accountable. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re feeling stuck too, maybe it’s time to stop and take the first step. We’ve got this.

Got lots of love to give but no one wants to have it. They want the toxic ones.

Hi so my love life has been shit and so I've written some piece. I have no prior experience in writing or anything. I just wrote whatever I wanted to and this is what i've written

BLASPHEMY

Author’s Note: This piece is my own personal story which is inspired to me by the song I love and relate, Kalapastangan by fitterkarma

“ I’ll die with a smile

As long as you are by my side

I’ll live with regret

If I couldn’t make you smile one day yet

It is blasphemy not to love you

It is madness not to think of you

If the world were to suddenly fall apart

You’re the first one I’d look for….”

If one were to ask how I feel about you, these words would always be the first to conquer my mind.

I can feel them rushing through the blood in every part of my body, engraving my soul. All my five senses; sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch, yearns for you only, only you….

How could I ever stop loving you? It’s a sin to even think of such dreadful thoughts!!!!

I wonder how much of everything was real to you? Maybe everything was fun to you, though it was never to me and will never be. I was foolish to think I ever meant something to you. My whole world crashed as I realized I’ll never be…

They are sick of hearing about you, they tell me to forget about you. But how could I ever!? One told me to admire you but how am I supposed do that only as I have always admired you from faraway…

It aches to have the thoughts of you forever disappearing from my life. It pains to let go of you.

I wish I never realized I love you…

They tell me to not overthink and I’ll be okay but what wrong have I done? Is it a sin to love someone very deeply? They don’t believe me when I tell them I’ll keep on loving you even if you don’t exist in my chapter anymore but I know for sure you’d be the one for me as long as you exist, even if years passes by…

Even though it was for short moment, I’ll keep it close to my soul for eternity. The thought of moving on, forgetting about you and falling in love with someone new genuinely kills me deep from inside. I was over the moon when you first texted me and I could feel happiness oozing out from myself during the times we spent together.

I curse the universe for this seriously. Why does the universe have to play this game to me? Ever time I wanted to forget about you, the universe would keep reminding me about you!! If only I never realized I loved you, if only you didn’t text me and met me; would I be in this much pain….

I don’t want these emotions to be fleeting, I don’t want to forget about my love for you. So, I can be reminded of this everytime if I start forgetting. If only you knew how much everything meant to me. You’d always be the one in my mind always and every passing moment, the one whom I look for amongst the places I go, knowing you’ll never be there….

I LOVE YOU “S”.

Music Credit: “Kalapastangan” by fitterkarma (lyrics translated by iyang)