Anonymous Venting for Mental Health and Emotional Support

It's strange, my family. I don't mean just because of the crazy shit either. Remove the gang shit, the drugs, the main plate- and I'm kind of a stranger to them. Weirdest thing.

Recap:

After it all blew over- or up, depending- and my siblings scattered too. Ended up on my own at 14.

Did what I could, when, and how. Time passes. I struggle, yeah. But I'm here. So:

About more than a decade later, very select members of my fam- mostly the distant rels- try to talk, or get in my life a bit. Here's the thing though: Even before, yk, the gang stuff- when we were a sorta normal fam- They treated me and my sister like mistakes. Not just beatings, but like, just rotten behavior. The rest? Watched.

So, naturally, we don't really speak to anyone. At all. My dad, for instance, feels guilty for leaving me in that environment. Took me a while to give him an inch, but I did. And it's been up and down. Same with grandparents: Guilt. But it's not just their conscience here, it's mine.

They come into my life, and yk, they know what they saw back then. But they seem to think they know it all. There are times I've shared some.. yk, fucked up shit. Real dark, things I seen or yk. And they look at me like they've seen a ghost. They say things like, not that they don't believe, but almost as a "Surely I'd have known about that" and its like BRO yall fuckin ran and left us behind. Maybe you SHOULD have known, but ya don't. Y'dig?

But it's not just that. Sometimes they get so..idk. Ig maybe them running off to live normal lives while me and sis got our shit rocked 24/7 sometimes prevents them from understanding that we are self made, self rescued. We didn't have help- and we didn't need it, yk, mostly, turns out.

So they come back into our lives, ask tough questions and when the answer is, circumstantially, horrific- they seem to know it all. They tell me "Ah you can't let that get you down.' Yes, good advice. Only I just told you I saw a man burn to death over 1000 dollars debt. Thats.. like wtf is that response? "Well that's unfortunate." UH??? WHA?

YOU asked ME!

If it ain't that, it's this weird misunderstanding that my struggles are trivial- idk if it's bc I'm young, and like some really stupid folk, they assume age limits your experiences- but they literally cannot understand how I'm traumatized. What's more, they're smothering me- or try to. They give off the "oh shit we really fucked him up, kinda failed, please please forgive us" but laced with a "let's try to make him who we want". And well, I don't take kindly to that. Ain't no one making me anything. Idk, does any of this make any sense?

Another thing I hate, is when they actually want to ask questions or.. talk about bad stuff, especially failures or things they did wrong, they sugar coat it, and I just.. nah. Nah bro. They treat me like this odd thing, a curious thing to look at and wonder about, and then ignore. Strangest thing really. Family is such a foreign concept to me, disgusting almost, I know that's my own experience but fuck, man. I think what's going to happen is imma make my peace and dip. They want control, they want to be nosey so they can judge. They want to ask questions and pick them apart, but shrink when the answer is given. That's like asking a vet if he's killed a man, or a paramedic if they've seen a man die, and getting disturbed when they say yes.

Idk. I guess I just didn't expect my entire bloodline to be a punch of spineless cowards.

Or, if it's not that,

OMG, I can’t believe I'm even writing this... So, we had this huge argument yesterday that was like about nothing. Literally, it was over which TV show to watch. 🤯 My boyfriend just blew up and got really aggressive (again!). He actually hit me: it's the second time now. WTF?! Like seriously, who does that? I'm just sitting there stunned and thinking 'is this really happening??' He's usually so sweet but when things don't go his way he flips out. It's hard because I care about him but man, I’m not gonna accept being treated like this anymore. Ugh, there's all these feelings swirling around but one thing is clear: I've got to do something about it.

Honestly y'all, I'm kinda scared and confused at the same time 😩 Trying to imagine a future without him feels bizarre; yet facing a reality where violence becomes a norm isn't an option either. And yeah my mom would say leave... but it's not straightforward...or maybe it is? Why does love have to be so complicated though? Cuz deep down somewhere in me there’s hope he'll change but also a fierce need for self-respect screaming 'get out while you still can!' 😡 Going between feeling mad at myself for trusting him initially then back to missing the good parts of our relationship... my brain is literally on a rollercoaster here! Seriously though (and most importantly) standing up for myself matters more than anything else; I deserve better ✌️

so, i'm 21 and kinda at a crossroads here? i’m a girl and have been in a relationship with my amazing girlfriend for a while now. we vibe so well together. recently, she brought up the idea of having a fun night with her best friend who happens to be a guy. the thing is that she was super clear about what she meant: it wasn't just going out for drinks! 😊 yeah, that's right, like having us three bringing some extra spark to our... umm adventures?! can you see my predicament?!?!

anyway, i've never ever considered myself interested in guys but when she proposed the idea... didn't hate it; it felt intriguing!!! idek if I would call it curiosity or something deeper but part of me was interested. maybe that makes me bi or maybe it's just situational attraction?! who knows!!! i’ve read so much stuff online like Kinsey scale and labels preaching freedom and acceptance and all but they're only partly relatable?

i chatted briefly about this with one of my closest friends who identifies as pansexual herself; she's always been super supportive no matter what topics we dived into (totally love her for that). although when i tried explaining how his presence might add another layer entirely new and exciting dimension... she's convinced i'm just exploring latent bisexuality or something.

am i overthinking this or could it mean something real about myself? on one hand.. branching out seems thrilling yet daunting; anyone else experience similar conflicting feelings???? because this whole dimension is uncharted territory loaded with possibilities excitement nervous anticipation:)

having a mom who hates you is tough. i'm 17 and a guy, wishing things were different. when she admitted (while drunk) that she wanted a girl instead, it was like a punch in the gut. it's not just words; it affects everything. feeling unwanted sort of messes with your mind, you know? every conversation feels loaded with unspoken resentment, like walking on eggshells all the time. there's no natural ease or warmth which makes being around her hard. as much as i try to change her perception, nothing seems to work. trying to stay polite and respectful but it's exhausting. not gonna lie, there are times when i question my own worth 😂 what's worse is that internal doubt creeps into other areas of life too: school, friends and even future plans all feel tainted by this negativity at home.

I'm 16 now. I forgot all about Kanye and many other situationships. I have a boyfriend now. Nick and I have been together for 9 months now. He kinda gives me a reason to live. We don't argue much, we can't actually start arguments anyway. But when either of us is down or feeling tired of everything, we sort it out. Many times when I fought with my dad and aunt, i would hide in the small living room that's no longer used in my aunt's floor. I'd lock myself up and call him. He always eased me. Sometimes in the past, we had a lot of miscommunication. Mostly because he saw our future while i couldn't see my own. He'd say stuff like "don't say that" or "I won't let you". It never really solved it. He has that habit now too. But I want to believe I've talked him out of it. I still fight with my dad a lot. But now, it's politics too. And religion. Because genuinely, I'm tired of the church he brings us to. It feels like a cult. And all of the words they say contradict each one. Yet some have some ground to them. Like goverment hating us all. The political parties just being a cover up so monsters with no brain can hide under red maga hats. But the all loving God? How is he all loving if he "hates lgtbq", "hates immigrants", "hates different religions", "hates sinners"? I'm pansexual but I've only come out to a few friends and my boyfriend. So, the God I'm supposed to pray and ask for help hates me? Interesting point. Very interesting. Makes me believe that Satan was treated absolutely unfair. What? Not my fault the church is not really God and it's actually men who would rather have me a sex worker than a scientist. Whatever. The point is; Everything still tires me to the bone. I'm tired. Of pretending I like things. I hate the system. I hate the God that men have shown. I hate the goverment. I hate people who think violence is an answer to someone being different, whether it is skin tone, sexual preference or just fashion style. I hate people who think they know it all but aren't trying to see a point from all views. I hate how the victims are getting blamed while the abusers and rapists are walking free and are having good lives. I hate how sensitive I get over things around me. But am I really the sensitive one if nobody has empathy and sympathy in this day and age? How are you expecting me to think of my future and enter a society that hates me and would rather have me killed than see me walking on the street? Guess what, I don't have a future at this point. All I will see and hear is that the work I want to study and do for the rest of my life, which is chemical engineering, is not somethjing for me. Very few teachers believe that I'll actually get that job. Not just because the system won't let me, but also because I'm a woman. And a gifted one too. I ace school tests and exams like I'm playing a game. My teacher who does extra lessons to me for physics and chemistry so i can be ahead of people says he has seen brains like mine once in two decades. Maybe I sound egoistic. But shouldn't I be considering that I know what I can do but won't be able to do because of the damned stereotypes the whole world seems to hold onto for dear life? Anyway, that's mostly it I believe. Suicide still hasn't left my mind, it never did but whatever. My dad still doesn't treat it like I do but that's also never changed. The rest of the other vent is still the same. I just have Nick now being the best boyfriend ever and giving me hope everytime I fall. Love you all and thank you for sharing your points in the last vent. I did read them even though i didn't reply. Thank you all for caring.

I've come to the harsh realization that perhaps, I'm not the nicest person around. In my mid-thirties, I find myself surrounded only by a single friend and a girlfriend, yet I can't shake the feeling that I'm somehow superior to others. My lifestyle is quite reclusive; I shy away from any social gatherings related to work, and most of my routine revolves around my job, hitting the gym, smoking weed, and cycling. Traveling and cycling in the forest are my escapes, the rare times I don't feel swamped by depression.

Interacting with people, especially in groups, is a daunting task for me. The fear of turning red-faced and being judged negatively is always lurking. Thus, I avoid such situations altogether. There's a worrisome intensity in the way I live; I indulge too often in alcohol or getting high, viewing people merely as elements that enhance my own existence. My eyes wander too freely, admiring every attractive woman I come across, often blatantly flirting in the presence of my girlfriend. Even though these thoughts are never vocalized, I often catch myself belittling others or feeling utter disdain towards them internally.

I confess to being a staunch atheist, holding a disdainful view towards those who are spiritually inclined, believing myself to be smarter, better-looking, and stronger. The resentment builds whenever I see someone possessing what I desire, although I manage to keep this anger bottled up within.

Dominating these emotions is a profound sense of isolation, mixed oddly with a perverse comfort in wallowing in my misery. Sometimes, hurting my own feelings seems like a twisted form of pleasure, perhaps because it means feeling something at all.

My family background does little to lighten my outlook. My brother lives with the dark shadow of being a murderer and a former heroin addict. My father was a violent man, devoid of emotions, who ultimately took his own life. My mother, afflicted by illness so severe that she has been bedridden since my childhood, sparks a guilt within me for not taking care of her. However, I've chosen a path of self-preservation as dedicating myself to her care would consume my own existence entirely.

This life I've crafted for myself is one I despise, yet a part of me feels I shouldn't. With a good education, a well-paying job, and an undeniable appeal to women, I should feel fulfilled. Instead, I’m left feeling empty and, frankly, disgusted with myself for sounding like a self-pitying fool. What the hell is wrong with me?

Despite my efforts not to belittle others overtly, the impression that people don’t like me is hard to shake off. Loneliness is a constant companion.

If I were to join a reality show, my character might be polarizing. Would the audience appreciate my brutally honest introspections, or would they be repelled by my self-confessed arrogance and emotional detachment? It's intriguing yet terrifying to ponder how my persona would unfold under the constant scrutiny of cameras and a public audience.

I chose the friendship stories category but yeah it's related to friendship, love, family, work... I am like that.

Hey everyone, I’m not usually one to air my personal stuff, but I really need some advice here. For the past few months, I’ve had this gut feeling that my wife might be cheating on me, and it's eating me alive. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but the signs are starting to pile up, and I’m just not sure what to do.

It all started when she began staying late at work more often. At first, I didn’t think much of it—she’s always been dedicated to her job. But then, she became super protective of her phone. She used to leave it lying around, but now she keeps it close and seems to be on it all the time, even at odd hours. And when I casually ask about her day, her answers feel...vague? Like she’s hiding something.

Then there are the little things. She started dressing up more than usual, even just to “run errands” or meet friends. It’s almost like she’s trying to impress someone. I’ve tried to brush it off, telling myself I’m being paranoid, but every time I bring it up, she gets defensive or says I’m just being insecure. It makes me feel like maybe I’m overthinking, but part of me feels like my concerns are valid.

To make things worse, I found a receipt for a fancy dinner that she said was a "work thing," but I know her company usually doesn’t do dinners like that. I keep second-guessing myself, and now I’m stuck in this loop of anxiety. I don’t want to accuse her without solid proof, but I also can’t keep living in this uncertainty.

So here I am, asking for advice. Has anyone else been through this? How do you confront someone you love without it turning into a huge fight? Should I even bring it up again, or am I just being paranoid? Any advice would be appreciated—I feel like I’m losing my mind here.

For the longest time, I’ve been stuck in this cycle of excuses. I’d wake up every morning telling myself I’d make changes, that today would be different, but by the time the day ended, I was back to square one. Whether it’s eating healthier, exercising, or even just cleaning my space, I keep putting it off. I’d tell myself, "I’ll start tomorrow," but tomorrow never seems to come.

Yesterday was my breaking point. I was scrolling through social media and saw an old friend post about running their first marathon. I remember how we used to run together, how much I loved it back then. And now? I can’t even jog up the stairs without feeling winded. It hit me like a ton of bricks—what am I even doing with my life? Why do I keep finding reasons to avoid what I know I need to do?

I looked around my apartment after that. Clothes piled up on the floor, dishes in the sink from who-knows-how-many days ago, and a gym membership card collecting dust on the counter. That’s when it finally clicked—it’s time to stop. It’s time to stop avoiding the hard stuff, time to stop pretending everything will fix itself, and time to stop being my own worst enemy.

I don’t have a perfect plan yet, and honestly, I’m scared I’ll slip back into my old habits. But I know I can’t keep going like this. If I don’t make a change now, when will I? Maybe writing this out will help me stay accountable. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re feeling stuck too, maybe it’s time to stop and take the first step. We’ve got this.

Got lots of love to give but no one wants to have it. They want the toxic ones.

Hi so my love life has been shit and so I've written some piece. I have no prior experience in writing or anything. I just wrote whatever I wanted to and this is what i've written

BLASPHEMY

Author’s Note: This piece is my own personal story which is inspired to me by the song I love and relate, Kalapastangan by fitterkarma

“ I’ll die with a smile

As long as you are by my side

I’ll live with regret

If I couldn’t make you smile one day yet

It is blasphemy not to love you

It is madness not to think of you

If the world were to suddenly fall apart

You’re the first one I’d look for….”

If one were to ask how I feel about you, these words would always be the first to conquer my mind.

I can feel them rushing through the blood in every part of my body, engraving my soul. All my five senses; sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch, yearns for you only, only you….

How could I ever stop loving you? It’s a sin to even think of such dreadful thoughts!!!!

I wonder how much of everything was real to you? Maybe everything was fun to you, though it was never to me and will never be. I was foolish to think I ever meant something to you. My whole world crashed as I realized I’ll never be…

They are sick of hearing about you, they tell me to forget about you. But how could I ever!? One told me to admire you but how am I supposed do that only as I have always admired you from faraway…

It aches to have the thoughts of you forever disappearing from my life. It pains to let go of you.

I wish I never realized I love you…

They tell me to not overthink and I’ll be okay but what wrong have I done? Is it a sin to love someone very deeply? They don’t believe me when I tell them I’ll keep on loving you even if you don’t exist in my chapter anymore but I know for sure you’d be the one for me as long as you exist, even if years passes by…

Even though it was for short moment, I’ll keep it close to my soul for eternity. The thought of moving on, forgetting about you and falling in love with someone new genuinely kills me deep from inside. I was over the moon when you first texted me and I could feel happiness oozing out from myself during the times we spent together.

I curse the universe for this seriously. Why does the universe have to play this game to me? Ever time I wanted to forget about you, the universe would keep reminding me about you!! If only I never realized I loved you, if only you didn’t text me and met me; would I be in this much pain….

I don’t want these emotions to be fleeting, I don’t want to forget about my love for you. So, I can be reminded of this everytime if I start forgetting. If only you knew how much everything meant to me. You’d always be the one in my mind always and every passing moment, the one whom I look for amongst the places I go, knowing you’ll never be there….

I LOVE YOU “S”.

Music Credit: “Kalapastangan” by fitterkarma (lyrics translated by iyang)