Anonymous Venting for Mental Health and Emotional Support

I’m so sorry you had to have me. I’m sorry I’m not any better. If I could walk out a door and it would mean that your life would be free of me, I would do it. I’m sorry I’m such a lazy kid. I can’t help it, mommy. Your daughter is so so tired. I’m pretty sure I have depression, but I can never get diagnosed. I’m sorry mommy. I’m such a rebel. I’m sorry for ignoring you. I’m sorry for being a burden. I’m sorry I never follow what you say. Sorry for staring at you in a mean way. Sorry for ever being born and ruining your teenage years. You never deserved that. You deserve your freedom. Now, I’m sorry if one day I ever decide that I want to go and disappear for forever. I don’t see a future for myself, mommy. It’ll just be my siblings with you along the way, and if you ever cry on the day that I die, I’m sorry for breaking your heart.

My whole childhood(until 10 years old) I spent in the biggest room of our little house, alone and surrounded only by plushies and markers. Dad was always away for work. Mom was busy with her own job. I was left alone. No one to talk to, no one to play with, and no one to hug but myself. At first it may seem like they didn't care at all, but no, my parents are amazing people, they were just... busy.

(And yes, I know most people here would much prefer some sort of cheating drama but this is a venting app okay? also sorry if I make any writing mistakes english isn't my first language)

Two years later Im sitting in my room, now living in an apartment, reading smut after smut in an attempt to feel any kind of connection. school is horrible, each day feels like routine and my only way out is doomscrolling and spacing out with music on full volume in my headphones, pretending life is okay. I feel this void inside me, this sickening urge to seek out somebody, anybody who would just hold me for hours on end. I long for an embrace and yet I am too scared to ask for it straight up because I am not used to speaking. That's where the second thing comes in — my speach. J constantly stutter, I struggle with expressing my opinions, I have sudden waves of talking whenever I get the chance, and I will never be able to speak out about the void inside me. That moves on to the next thing:I'm afraid of telling th8s to my parents. Why? Well, dad has his own trauma and he shows it by joking about spanking me with a belt, by saying "growing up strong can only happen if you have been hurt in childhood" and it drives me nuts. Also, my mom is all about being all supportive and modern, but the whole "always calm down first" thing? And worst of all, drum roll please, therapy is shamed in our country! Another thing I want to mention is praise — I never got much praise beyond my drawing skills and my ambition for learning english. So now, whenever I get complimented, I always reask to make sure it's not a joke, that they mean it, and is a desperate attempt to get more praise. Because toys can't tell me of I'm good at something or not.

Alright, I think that's enough. Thank you for being here, and thank you for listening!

(https://youtu.be/bCoMKguyo7w?si=4WpOGA-Err0zJXIF)

Every year on my birthday, I find myself caught in a whirlwind of well-meaning chaos. As an autistic person, fully processing and reacting to family and friends sending me video messages with birthday wishes often feels like trying to walk through a funhouse distortion mirror room. Their genuine affection is clear, and for that, I am perpetually grateful, yet the pressure to deliver an adequate response in return is exceptionally daunting. In receiving a video message or even a traditional card, I often wonder, what’s the best way to thank these wonderful people who took time out of their day to make mine special? Should I simply reply with a text or perhaps even attempt my own video message back? I've tried various methods over the years, but somehow I always feel that my responses fall short in expressing the depth of my gratitude. My family, bless their hearts, are always enthusiastic, and their messages burst with joy and colorful confetti of random anecdotes and jokes, but deciphering these signals and responding with matching enthusiasm proves challenging, like solving a puzzle with a few missing pieces.

Reflecting on my personal anecdotes, I recall the time my cousin orchestrated an entire virtual birthday party, complete with coordinated games and a delightful slideshow of childhood photos. While I was deeply touched, I found myself flustered in the aftermath, unsure of how to respond appropriately. I thanked them, of course, but did my gratitude seem genuine, expressed solely through typed words and a scattering of emojis? In these moments, I consider whether my difficulty in conveying my feelings might be unique, or if others, regardless of circumstance, share this subtle plight. Despite my responses often feeling understated compared to the warmth I receive, I am hopeful that my family feels appreciated. This leads me to believe that genuine gratitude, though complex in expression, need not be extravagant. A heartfelt "thank you" can indeed speak volumes when delivered sincerely. Might there be a perfect balance between expressing gratitude and maintaining my own comfort? I continue to seek it, steering through the maze of social conventions, with each birthday providing another opportunity to refine my approach and, I hope, bring more serenity and authenticity to my expressions of thanks.

I can't f##king sleep as every time I try and sleep I end up having a bad dream ether about my nan or about what it feels like to die or to be dieing myself and the iner exsprances and the external exsprances that happen to you when you are dieing and I wake up from these dreams and end up having a panic attack.

please tell me it gets easier over time because I don't know how much longer I can put up with this for.

when I'm in the dreams it also feels like I'm being strangled by someone and I can't breathe.

I've been mulling over something for quite some time, and I'd love to get some perspective. There's this guy at university, let's call him Alex, who I can't help but feel drawn to. We have several classes together, and over time, I've noticed subtle signs that he might be interested in me too. You know, those fleeting glances across the lecture hall, the lingering smiles, and the undeniable chemistry during group discussions. Yet, despite all these suggestive signals, he hasn't taken the leap to ask me out. And it leaves me in a swirl of confusion and second-guessing.

Maybe I'm reading too much into things, but the way we interact is hard to ignore. For instance, there's this palpable energy when we talk – a kind of intensity that's not usual for just friends or acquaintances. We engage in deep conversations about our courses, dissecting the nuances in the curriculum and sharing our ambitions. It's not uncommon for us to exchange study notes, offering insights and perspectives that strengthen our mutual understanding. He's attentive, remembering small details I mention in passing, which only adds to my contemplation of his intentions. But then I wonder, why hasn't he asked me out if he feels the same?

One possibility that crosses my mind is that maybe he values our academic camaraderie too much to risk it by diving into a romantic relationship. There's always that fear of potentially altering the dynamics if things don't work out, right? It could be that he's prioritizing his studies, perhaps overwhelmed with the workload and conscious of not allowing personal matters to interfere with his progress. University life is demanding, with assignments, exams, and the pressure to maintain grades continually looming. Perhaps he feels that introducing romance would only complicate things.

There’s also the chance that he might be shy or uncertain about my feelings. Could it be that he’s just as insecure as I am? It's easy to misinterpret signals or doubt one's own perceptions, especially when emotions are involved. Social dynamics are complex, often requiring immense courage to navigate, particularly in a setting as public and scrutinizing as a university. I often ask myself if he is hesitant due to previous experiences or even advice he's received from friends, urging caution and patience. It makes me question whether making a move myself might alter his perspective, but societal norms often trap me in the conventional expectation that he should be the one to take the first step.

Of course, there's the possibility that I'm mistaken entirely, that I could be misreading his kindness and genuine nature for something more. This self-doubt seems to simmer beneath the surface, fostering a myriad of restless thoughts. Could it be that he's simply not interested, and I'm clinging to a narrative that isn't there? I've wrestled with this uncertainty for weeks now, hoping for a clear sign or moment that might offer resolution. Yet, the ambiguity remains, leaving me pondering and questioning how to navigate this realm of unspoken emotions. Can anybody relate to this predicament?

Hey everyone, I’m not usually one to air my personal stuff, but I really need some advice here. For the past few months, I’ve had this gut feeling that my wife might be cheating on me, and it's eating me alive. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but the signs are starting to pile up, and I’m just not sure what to do.

It all started when she began staying late at work more often. At first, I didn’t think much of it—she’s always been dedicated to her job. But then, she became super protective of her phone. She used to leave it lying around, but now she keeps it close and seems to be on it all the time, even at odd hours. And when I casually ask about her day, her answers feel...vague? Like she’s hiding something.

Then there are the little things. She started dressing up more than usual, even just to “run errands” or meet friends. It’s almost like she’s trying to impress someone. I’ve tried to brush it off, telling myself I’m being paranoid, but every time I bring it up, she gets defensive or says I’m just being insecure. It makes me feel like maybe I’m overthinking, but part of me feels like my concerns are valid.

To make things worse, I found a receipt for a fancy dinner that she said was a "work thing," but I know her company usually doesn’t do dinners like that. I keep second-guessing myself, and now I’m stuck in this loop of anxiety. I don’t want to accuse her without solid proof, but I also can’t keep living in this uncertainty.

So here I am, asking for advice. Has anyone else been through this? How do you confront someone you love without it turning into a huge fight? Should I even bring it up again, or am I just being paranoid? Any advice would be appreciated—I feel like I’m losing my mind here.

I've come to the harsh realization that perhaps, I'm not the nicest person around. In my mid-thirties, I find myself surrounded only by a single friend and a girlfriend, yet I can't shake the feeling that I'm somehow superior to others. My lifestyle is quite reclusive; I shy away from any social gatherings related to work, and most of my routine revolves around my job, hitting the gym, smoking weed, and cycling. Traveling and cycling in the forest are my escapes, the rare times I don't feel swamped by depression.

Interacting with people, especially in groups, is a daunting task for me. The fear of turning red-faced and being judged negatively is always lurking. Thus, I avoid such situations altogether. There's a worrisome intensity in the way I live; I indulge too often in alcohol or getting high, viewing people merely as elements that enhance my own existence. My eyes wander too freely, admiring every attractive woman I come across, often blatantly flirting in the presence of my girlfriend. Even though these thoughts are never vocalized, I often catch myself belittling others or feeling utter disdain towards them internally.

I confess to being a staunch atheist, holding a disdainful view towards those who are spiritually inclined, believing myself to be smarter, better-looking, and stronger. The resentment builds whenever I see someone possessing what I desire, although I manage to keep this anger bottled up within.

Dominating these emotions is a profound sense of isolation, mixed oddly with a perverse comfort in wallowing in my misery. Sometimes, hurting my own feelings seems like a twisted form of pleasure, perhaps because it means feeling something at all.

My family background does little to lighten my outlook. My brother lives with the dark shadow of being a murderer and a former heroin addict. My father was a violent man, devoid of emotions, who ultimately took his own life. My mother, afflicted by illness so severe that she has been bedridden since my childhood, sparks a guilt within me for not taking care of her. However, I've chosen a path of self-preservation as dedicating myself to her care would consume my own existence entirely.

This life I've crafted for myself is one I despise, yet a part of me feels I shouldn't. With a good education, a well-paying job, and an undeniable appeal to women, I should feel fulfilled. Instead, I’m left feeling empty and, frankly, disgusted with myself for sounding like a self-pitying fool. What the hell is wrong with me?

Despite my efforts not to belittle others overtly, the impression that people don’t like me is hard to shake off. Loneliness is a constant companion.

If I were to join a reality show, my character might be polarizing. Would the audience appreciate my brutally honest introspections, or would they be repelled by my self-confessed arrogance and emotional detachment? It's intriguing yet terrifying to ponder how my persona would unfold under the constant scrutiny of cameras and a public audience.

I chose the friendship stories category but yeah it's related to friendship, love, family, work... I am like that.

For the longest time, I’ve been stuck in this cycle of excuses. I’d wake up every morning telling myself I’d make changes, that today would be different, but by the time the day ended, I was back to square one. Whether it’s eating healthier, exercising, or even just cleaning my space, I keep putting it off. I’d tell myself, "I’ll start tomorrow," but tomorrow never seems to come.

Yesterday was my breaking point. I was scrolling through social media and saw an old friend post about running their first marathon. I remember how we used to run together, how much I loved it back then. And now? I can’t even jog up the stairs without feeling winded. It hit me like a ton of bricks—what am I even doing with my life? Why do I keep finding reasons to avoid what I know I need to do?

I looked around my apartment after that. Clothes piled up on the floor, dishes in the sink from who-knows-how-many days ago, and a gym membership card collecting dust on the counter. That’s when it finally clicked—it’s time to stop. It’s time to stop avoiding the hard stuff, time to stop pretending everything will fix itself, and time to stop being my own worst enemy.

I don’t have a perfect plan yet, and honestly, I’m scared I’ll slip back into my old habits. But I know I can’t keep going like this. If I don’t make a change now, when will I? Maybe writing this out will help me stay accountable. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re feeling stuck too, maybe it’s time to stop and take the first step. We’ve got this.

Got lots of love to give but no one wants to have it. They want the toxic ones.

I grew up in a very religious family where our faith has always guided our lives and choices. The teachings I’ve known my whole life tell me that being gay is wrong, and yet, I feel these undeniable attractions that make me question everything. I’ve tried to push it down, to change, to pray it away, but it’s always there, a part of me I can’t ignore.

I don’t know how to reconcile my beliefs with who I am. It feels like every day, I’m torn between two worlds: the expectations of my family and faith, and the reality of my own heart. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Is this something I can change, or should I even try? I’ve heard so many opinions, but deep down, I just want to know if I can truly be at peace with both my faith and myself.

If anyone has gone through something similar, or if you have advice, I’d really appreciate hearing from you. I feel so lost and alone in this struggle, and I just need someone to help me see a way through this.