Friendship Stories

I feel that privacy is a fundamental point in everyone's life, and not everyone values ​​it because it is precisely in this space where the free development of ideas can occur. Privacy is ours when there is a set of circumstances that are constant over time, and whose alteration in the future is impossible from the present, unless there is an external circumstance that prevents it, and of course, it is exceptional in nature.

I remember an aunt who didn't value privacy because she initially based her way of being on judging, of course in part, my way of being based on conversations she had with third parties. Without a doubt, I wondered why she held these opinions if she wasn't part of them. She, along with my relatives, always liked family to be a certain way, and for another, the principles they held dear to them to be maintained outside of their control, as when interacting with them. Ironically, for the former, it was one thing, and for the latter, another.

I'm very expressive, since lately I've been constantly expressing my emotions, and that has given my life an interesting twist. It's impressive how much an event can lead me to develop, to the point where I've longed, I confess, to distance myself from anything that impacts my way of life. That is, I seek to be as constant as possible under certain circumstances, leading me to the point of not seeking out relationships that lead me to new experiences. I recognize that this is why, for some time now, I've been single: the fact that I'm a person who generates numerous ideas.

I like to be in constant circumstances, and although they also generate ideas, they turn into a constant deepening of them, leading me to see things more holistically, that is, interconnecting parts of one thing and interconnecting these things with another. When an eventuality arises that disrupts my routine, that is, such constant circumstances, they lead me to break with those ties, or at least with that structuring, temporarily, of course. Indeed, I know that issues outside of routine are fruitful, however, the point is that one was aiming for a certain path and it was derailed, that's what bothers me.

I have to admit it too, I feel that everything affects me. I'm not like other people, at least within their perceptions of themselves, and of course I'm talking about the group around me. I feel things with an intensity that is overwhelming to me. It's like feeling like those individuals, within the notion I have of them, who call themselves highly sensitive people. However, on this point I prefer not to argue. Although I have to admit that perhaps this lifestyle, where I always express everything I feel, is ultimately a mechanism of pressure on myself, simply for the sake of doing this exercise, to observe every detail and take action, something my family members engaged in.

My family members were simply perfectionists. They observed everything I did and retaliated accordingly. Any deviation was worthy of reproach. For me, it stems from their high anxiety about unforeseen consequences in their environment. This is the issue that drives me to constantly express myself precisely because the events of my life have led me to encounter surprises, just when I thought I was headed in a different direction. I recognize that such an effort to stay within the same routine satisfies this need. Furthermore, since it results in a form of interaction with others given my absence, it is an achievement for me with my environment. That is, I have achieved a certain path with it, which is that they do not interfere with it. Opening up has allowed me to focus on my feelings, on what I feel, and to feel, in some way, even in the midst of this type of interaction, safe with others. It makes me forget their actions, just as they also forget the interaction they had with me. In fact, this is what has caused me, even if it doesn't happen, to avoid the spaces they frequent.

I had never before faced this reality: the reason for my loneliness. By opening up, by staying within this safety zone, I have also managed to sustain it at all costs, because with the delicacy involved in social relationships, it is easy to be left alone. That is precisely what I have sought social security because I have felt it is the only thing I can achieve with others. Indeed, the events will be varied and there will be lowered expectations, but that leads me to shelter in my isolation and protect it. That is, I carry out processes that lead me to places I know I'm going to reach, something that didn't happen before. I repeat, it's my only successful social interaction...

So I’m a 29-year-old guy, and I guess you could say I’ve hit that stage where life has shifted gears pretty fast, and now I’m stuck reflecting on what it means to still be a good friend when my circumstances have changed so drastically; my best friend and I have been close for more than 15 years, practically brothers, and while I’ve always thought of myself as someone dependable, consistent, and available, I can’t help but feel lately that I’ve been falling short in those categories because starting a family has naturally consumed a lot of my time, energy, and emotional bandwidth, and I don’t want him to feel left behind or like he’s not as important anymore because that is absolutely not true, but it’s tough, really tough, to maintain that same level of commitment when you’re balancing a full-time job, parenting duties, home maintenance tasks, and just the overall operational workload that comes with adult life 😅. We used to hang out almost every weekend, talk almost daily, and share every little update about our lives, whether it was venting about work stress, sharing new music we discovered, or just sitting in silence playing video games like we always did; now, our conversations are fewer, our meetups are sporadic, and most of the time I’m the one having to reschedule or cancel plans because something came up with my wife or kid, and although he says he understands, I can’t shake off the feeling that maybe he doesn’t completely, or maybe he just doesn’t want to admit it because he doesn’t want to pressure me, but in reality, it makes me feel like I’m letting him down when I know he probably misses the old dynamic as much as I do. I’ve been reading a bit about emotional labor, time management frameworks, and the importance of maintaining social capital, and while I can apply these theories at work or when organizing family commitments, applying them to a friendship feels oddly transactional, which is not what I want, because I don’t want our relationship to feel like I’m just “slotting him in” whenever I can, but sometimes that’s exactly what it looks like, and it frustrates me. I wonder—do I owe it to him to be more proactive? Should I set recurring reminders to check in, even if it’s just sending a meme or voice note? Would that feel authentic or robotic??? What does being a better friend actually mean in this stage of adulthood??? Is it quality over quantity now, or should I fight harder for quantity too??? I think back to all those years when he was always there for me without question, and it makes me worry that now he needs me more than ever, and I’m too distracted or occupied to notice. Some people say true friends don’t need to talk every day, and when they reconnect, it’s like no time has passed, but does that still hold weight when one person might silently feel the gap more than the other? There’s this concept in organizational psychology about “relational maintenance strategies,” and I wonder if I should treat our friendship in that structured sense—open communication, assurances, shared activities, even if limited—because clearly I need to recalibrate; I don’t want to overthink this, but I also don’t want to assume everything’s fine when maybe it isn’t. I want to learn how to balance the dual responsibilities of being a present family man while also not dropping the ball on a friendship that has been foundational to who I am, and maybe that means I have to be more intentional about the little things, like shooting him a quick text during lunch breaks, or planning something once a month no matter what, even if it’s just a coffee or quick catch-up call, because consistency might matter more now than spontaneity. At the same time, I also don’t want to ignore the fact that relationships evolve, and maybe he’s okay with less contact and I’m the one projecting, but if that’s the case, wouldn’t it still be polite and respectful to actually ask him rather than assume??? I guess what I’m really struggling with is how to reconcile this new version of my life with the old, without feeling guilty, because guilt doesn’t help anyone, and yet it lingers, making me doubt whether I’m doing enough, whether I’m being enough, and whether I even know what the definition of a “good friend” is anymore.

I keep circling back to the question: is friendship supposed to adjust naturally to life stages, or should it be actively managed like a project with KPIs and feedback loops??? That sounds sterile, but when time is scarce, intentionality is everything, right??? Maybe the real answer is to simply communicate—tell him what I feel, ask him directly what he needs, and go from there, instead of assuming or silently carrying this pressure on my own. What do you think—does being a better friend mean doing more, or just being more open??? 🤔

I’d really love to hear other perspectives because I know I’m not the only one facing this type of transition; do you think I’m overthinking it??? Or maybe underdoing it??? What would you expect from a friend if you were in his position??? Thanks for listening.

so like I've been questioning the possibility of being trans!!! but also not. because I feel like I want to be a guy, but I feel like if I transitioned, I'd end up wanting to go back, and then go back again and again and I just don't know. And if I were biologically a guy it would be the same; want to be a girl, transition, want to go back, go back, want to transition again over and over. it's so weird and I don't understand it. It's not like being gender fluid, where it changes; it's like being both but also one or the other and also neither ALL AT THE SAME TIME ALWAYS. It's so weird and I don't have a label to stick on myself or pronouns or anything

BUT also good thing my mom said I can go to the Renaissance Faire in three weeks so maybe that'll take my mind off of my whole gender thing

so recently i find out my male best friend of 3years has been ignoring me. I mean at first i thought he needs some time like cause he also has friends but every time we leave school I am who tries to find him and talk to him, I always try reach but not him. I am not trying to make this about myself cause even when we just stand next each other I feel like be does not want to talk to me and he knows about my difficulties with friends. And its not he does not talk to girls at all but its specifically me he is not talking to i feel very betrayed I'm not trying to act like a jealous female friend of some sort i just want to talk to me once again like we did in 8th grade. What should I do?

I had this friend of mine, she was my first friend, we were together all the way from when we were in diapers till high school ended and then after she went abroad for university we drifted apart. Our relationship always felt toxic to me because I always felt like she didn’t place much importance to me, she would tell me that she won’t be able to talk to me before exams but would speak with everyone else, she would not tell me crucial stuffs like when would she leave or where she got admitted but everyone else would know ( I did ask her btw but I didn’t get any answer ). Weirdest thing is after she came back last time she looked for me she was probably confused why I was ignoring her as my other friends told me she asked questions about me to them.

Weirder is that I feel extremely guilty, I feel like what if we could go back to how it was before even though I know it probably won’t be good for me or her. So even though I’m scared out of my mind I am praying hoping that she atleast strikes up a conversation with me for once, she asks me about it, she questions me about what happened.

My other close friends and my family also know and they also say that our relationship wasn’t okay, it was not healthy but I don’t know why I am being like this.

[ this is taken directly from a desktop file I made recently. it was originally supposed to act as a message, but not anymore. take this into account. ]

hello. i won't say your name, you probably don't want me to speak it anyway. i look over all the shitty things you said to strangers about me every day. it reminds me of how you really think of me rather than how you want me to think. and yet you still wonder why i cut myself off. ironic, isn't it? all those things you said about me not understanding you, even if you did the same thing back to me tenfold. how funny must it be to make a big point about leaving me behind only to talk shit about me when i take a break? when i express my own beliefs and opinions rather than yours? when i do anything that you don't like? even if i didn't even know? and yet, i didn't cut you off for myself. ironically, i did it for you. you're making new friends, glorifying them to me as if i'm nothing. as if you're looking at me and saying 'see these people? let me tell you just how much better friends they are'. stop telling me what you think i want to hear. two-faced.

-b

It's no longer anonymous for me. I started venting here because I could get advice from people who don't know me. But someone who does know me knows my so-called "anonymous" username somehow, and I know his. I'm switching to a different anonymous venting site, where I can use a different username for each vent. I'm not telling where, for my privacy. Peace out people.

Are we all just crows to you now? Are you just above it all? do you keep people around, just to drop them later? Should I ever have trusted you? Because I'm thinking that you do just abandon people as you see fit. I'm thinking that I never should have trusted you. I'm thinking that you never gave two shits about me. And you know what? if you didn't, I don't care anymore. You do you. I'll do me. We can go out separate ways. I don't mind. Friends drift all the time. It's a natural thing. And honestly, the way you treat people is your problem, not mine. I'm not mad at you. Not anymore. I'm over it. And you can go ahead and turn everyone else against me as well. I've done just fine on my own before and I can do it again. see ya.

Ive been trying to hang out with my cousin more but everytime I join the discord call I feel like shes upset or one of her friends is upset I joined because they will say my name in a disinterested tone and I dont know if Im just reading too much into it because I am and have been anxious since my last and only friend group broke up I think Im just going to like stop joining or something I dont know I just dont want to be like hey guys! Include me pick me or whatver you know

I mean me and my cousin were talking 1 on 1 and she said I could dm her whenever but my anxiety is telling me different

so last year I had a friend Katy. She's really clingy and possessive over me and last year it got to a point where it was kinda suffocating. At that point I started distancing myself from her. Now, second day of school, she's in my lunch block and I don't really want to sit with her at lunch, I wanna sit alone and listen to music. But I don't want to upset her so idk what to do.

Around three years ago today, I started questioning my sexuality. Thinking at first I might've just been confused, being that I was 14 at the time. One year passes, and I'm starting to have those thoughts again and realizing I seriously might've been BI. I tested out the waters a little with being able to tell my friends about me maybe being BI, and them actually supporting me. Although over the two years since then I've started to lean towards being gay, and now I'm seriously confused, scared, and worried. I've got no idea what to do, my parents are christens and they had no Idea about me being BI before.

I was so excited for today, it's the first day of school and I was excited to see all my friends again . I was walking to lunch with my friend Mindy B when her girlfriend, Amy, came out of her class. I was friends with Amy for a long time but today she didn't even look at me. I just kind of distanced and now I'm sitting at lunch next to Mindy and Amy, but not close enough to talk easily.

I did something last year that could've made her hate me, and I don't like thinking about it, but here it is:

at the end of the year last year, I'm talking like last week of school, I was sitting at lunch with JJ, Amy, Will, Katy, and Mindy B. I made a random joke, like "'hey mom where do birds come from?' 'UH- BIRDS!'" and JJ, who's religious, was talking about Christianity when I made this joke, and he said to me, "Yeah, but where do those birds come from?" I get highly uncomfortable when people bring up religious topics, so I kind of blew up. I said that no one really cared and that he should just shut up. Of course after that I felt so horrible I could kick myself (and actually did).

Amy got upset with me, as well as JJ, but JJ forgave me. Amy obviously didn't. SO how do I make it right? I hate myself for what I said, and wish I'd never said any of it. So what do I do?

Since this is a place specifically designed for venting, I feel a bit more comfortable speaking here. I am a 21 year old girl who's in college right now, trying to figure out life and such. I am away from home for college and I miss my city so much. I am going towards a career that does not pay that well. I am not even that interested in it...just that I know it's something I can do. I have a few friends in this city who are nice people but none of them vent so I can't burden them with my story. Besides, their lives are much more interesting than mine. One has a friend she speaks to on a daily basis, two others have boyfriends and a lot of other friends with whom they can always have a conversation. My friends in this city have many other friends to talk to but all I have are them. If I tell them this, I am pretty sure I would be treated much differently but it won't be better, it would just be with more caution. I don't like that, I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable around me. The friend who I used to vent to is now busy all the time and she makes a lot of decisions in her life that only messes things up as she's enjoying the risks. She tells me I can speak to her about everything and it used to be that way but now that she's busy, most of my long messages get lost in the void of things she's into. I tell her that we can speak about my issues later because she has worse things going on for her. But deep down, I really do wish she would one day just listen to me and tell me what I need to hear. She always knew what to say...but nowadays she's looking to speak to me about her problems and I can't deny that because I know she would give me a listen if she was available too. My ex who I'm friends with and not completely over, he's busy too and when I vent I just don't get much...sometimes when I break down, he does help me but I don't want my brain to hold on till I let it out. I am going through a lot and I don't want to keep it in like that. And I often lash out at him for not listening to me. I should stop doing that... because of the relationship I had with him, I keep thinking he should be listening to me. But no one is entitled to that, especially since he's also very busy (and often gets sick) and he shouldn't be coming back from work all tired just to hear me vent. I feel like everyone's got someone but I've got no one.

I want to try getting closer to my friends in the city but since they already have friends they talk to, they don't need me for it. So it's very one-sided and unfair. I don't want to be in this situation.

I feel like I'm in an environment where my ability to socialize with others is disregarded, and on top of that, my closest friends and family struggle due to the prejudices others foster as a result of such circumstances. People don't usually appreciate these analyses I conduct to explain what's happening, and psychotherapists have become part of the group.

I like this way of life, but I haven't received any support to fully consolidate it. Support is always a camouflage to force me to abandon it, in a blatant way. The whole effort is to make me achieve what I was helped to achieve, given that the problems I identified as such are no longer pointed out but now begin to view them in a pleasing light, which is what I feel the therapeutic work I've attended was all about.

I can't deny that I feel disappointed by society. My family struggled to contain me, and I always tried to adapt according to the circumstances, without predetermining and consolidating a certain personality in order to defend it. Outside, there were also these difficulties, to the point where others either abandoned me or established a distant and superficial relationship. The times they've tolerated me, it's because they had no other choice, and the times they've resorted to influencing me to adapt, it's because they haven't seen any other way either. All of this is always aimed at achieving stability within the environment for the group I belong to, rather than consolidating their personality within it through defensiveness. In itself, everything has consisted of complacency with the environment, as my family pointed out, which makes me feel like I'm among people who are incapable of reinforcing their identity as a group. This is something I find regrettable and terrifying, because we are always at the mercy of others, and their movements can occur at any moment, and consequently, any other. Therefore, in itself, it speaks to the lack of stability other than that provided by the environment itself, and that, again, speaks to a lack of tools for self-preservation.

I would like to be part of groups capable of reinforcing the presence of their personality in the environment, and not in those that are weakly structured and therefore provide a false sense of stability only provided by the environment. This makes me see the origin of those who go with the flow, and indeed, it seems that groups of this nature are the ones that populate the earth, at least within the country where I live.

Frankly, this type of spirit is not the example of someone who, I suspect, will sooner or later come back to me, so I feel it is necessary to seek out groups with such a capacity for reinforcement, and of course, that do not rely on popularity or a position of power, which are the elements on which some groups rely to maintain their way of being in the face of change. Indeed, it is necessary to make observations, at least in note format, to arrive at a systematic approach, but first, it begins with examining the material at hand.

You know, my friends, I have a hard time feeling comfortable around people. My biggest problem is that they have an extremely limited view of how to treat me, at least with those I've encountered. While I maintain a very sophisticated one with them, due to the fact that I'm always trying to give a response that, first, fits the person and, second, is foreign to their customs and those I'm used to. In itself, it unbalances me when I socialize, and that's what makes me feel the need to be alone.

I'm not interested in maintaining a language specific to a specific group, but rather, I'm interested in a language that allows me to be universal with all groups. I feel it's an interesting challenge because if I stay within a certain language, I'm not aware of what's happening in the group, given that language is there to be embedded and what it entails not distancing oneself in a way that schematizes circumstances. Furthermore, I prejudice what is external and not maintained by a norm among most groups, precisely to protect the stability of my group. Dear all, I feel that solitude precisely allows for openness to all groups, since it allows for observation and the development of responses to the development of boundaries that allow for coexistence between them and oneself. Those who are alone are considered to lack boundaries, and being alone in itself expresses that you lack the tools to socialize for this group, and that they are specifically for this group. For this reason, while there are several groups of this nature, and I haven't encountered any others, there is a diversity of language, and one must respond to it in a way that establishes consequences within the language used for a particular group if it is breached, thereby maintaining the identity of the group for me, as well as for the rest, as well as mine.

There are many people who possess this spirit, given that they insert themselves into such groups and, of course, base their actions on achieving the integration of the individual on an essence of victimhood if they fail, an issue for which one must be prepared. Indeed, then, loneliness itself, as we can see, is problematic for this social instance, and not because of loneliness itself, but because of the consideration of these groups. Loneliness, we can say, explores the thoughts that are generated within the same concrete routes of exploration of the world, precisely to give us ways to continue with this development of ideas, which in itself, I insist, is systematic, given that there is no group that holds ideas that are not such and that are assumed even as dogmas.

I have to say it: Loneliness, in today's world, is undervalued precisely because we have not been taught the ways to manage it. In itself, it has all consisted of remaining at the mercy of a group for the security that this implies, or the prejudice it entails. There is no longer concern for the context, which is what allows for non-violent behavior, and its failure to do so in itself concretizes the oft-discussed distrust among people that we all maintain when we are from different groups. In fact, I've come to view those solitary entities as a simulation of being solitary when in reality they are governed by the rules of a group, which in itself makes them belonging. Indeed, it must be said that we are part of a group when we abide by its rules, not by physical proximity, which doesn't explain those who appear alienated from the group to which they are considered to belong despite joining groups.

I believe that today it is necessary to discuss when we are part of a group, when we are inserted into the dynamics of a group, as well as the awareness of such elements precisely for mobilization among them or precisely their limitation given our ideology, which in itself is difficult, if not impossible, to result in a destructive outcome since it deprives us of support. I do not personally understand this fear conspired in such a way although I believe that it is the result of experiences in which the individual in question and others have not known what to do, which is why they resort to talking about a rough and impossible path to pass when the morphology of said path itself is expressed by the absence of tuned praxis and that precisely determine dark and impassable dimensions, being able to point out, right now that I speak of it, why the journey through such paths represent a terrain of uniqueness for when such characteristics are present in other aspects of life such as nature itself in the absence of human agents as well as certain mythologies, however, this is only to highlight, although I do not seek certainty but the development of ideas, which, its help is always felt, and its denial, it is complicated to help then will always be welcome in any way.