Friendship Stories

So I dated a guy in my first year of uni, and we broke up kind of mutually trueing summer break as we were living in different places for summer jobs and I felt like I needed time to figure out who I was (I was 18, who doesn’t). Me, him, and this other girl were quite good friends in first year, she was my best friend. In the fall I got a feeling she was maybe hooking up with him.

Also a bone to pick with my ex: he said one time that girls and guys can’t be friends outside of romantic partnerships. I had then asked him about said female friend to which he said she was the exception (while we were dating). I didn’t ask but after working on homework one night, I left her apartment and she texted me to come back because she was upset. She told me she hooked up with my ex, but it was just a one time thing no feelings involved. I’m hurt that she didn’t tell me before that it was a thing. I learn later from mutual friends that it has been going on for weeks at this point many times. We spent a lot of time alone together so there was definitely times to tell me. I was hurt that she didn’t tell me, then lied to me then didn’t care. To make things worse we are in the same program so are together in every class.

After this I swear she’s trying to be me. I change my Instagram profile pic to a picture of me as a baby, and she did the same right after. She would show my friends music of artists she thought they’d like, but they were artists I introduced her to. She liked one of my travel Instagram account pictures that she didn’t follow, months after we stopped talking (there are 10 people that like pics on that account) compared to hundreds on my main. She just makes me mad now. They didn’t date for the first while hooking up bc he didn’t want a relationship but eventually she gave him a we’re dating or ending this thing. So they’re dating now, and have dated longer than me and him did.

Also quite a while later in the future, my ex messages me a reel (they’re still dating). Not the weirdest thing but he hadn’t in like 8 months. And she also would not love him messaging me. We hadn’t spoken at all for a long time. And it happened to be on the day we started dating. I feel like there is a slim chance he remembers that but it was weird. Anyways, thanks for listening.

i don’t even kno when it got this bad. maybe it was always like this, and i just never really noticed. or maybe it happned so slow that i didn’t even see it comin, like a room gettin darker when the sun sets—you don’t realize how bad it is until ur just sittin there, completely in the dark. but here i am, and the truth is i have no one to talk to. no family, no friends, no one who actually cares whts goin on in my head. i wake up, go to work, do wht i have to do, come home, and thats it. days blend together, weeks go by, and i cant even remember the last time someone asked me how i was doin and actually ment it. at work, it’s just small talk, the same fake smiles, the same empty convos about the weather, weekend plans i dont have, and tv shows i pretend to watch just to have somthing to say. and honestly? i don’t even think they’d notice if i stopped showin up. they’d just replace me, move on, forget i was ever there. that’s the worst part—knowing that i could disappear, and it wouldn’t change a damn thing.

i keep tellin myself to fix it, to reach out, to try harder, but it’s exausting. every time i even think about talkin to someone, my brain convinces me it’s a bad idea. they dont really care. they’ll just think ur pathetic. what do u even have to say that matters? and so, i say nuthing. i sit in silence, drownin in my own thoughts, lettin them eat me alive bc, really, what else am i supposed to do? and the crazy part is, i see people every day. i work around them, i pass them in the street, i hear them laughing in restaurants, talkin on the phone, making plans, livin life. but it’s like i’m on the outside of it all, watchin through glass, completely invisible. i wanna say something, to matter to someone, but i wouldnt even kno where to start. nd after a while, u just stop trying. u stop hoping. u stop expectin anyone to care. and maybe that’s the real problem—not that i have no one to talk to, but that i’ve stopped belivin that will ever change. maybe i already gave up. maybe i never had a chance.

I've never felt this way before

I'm going through broken heart syndrome

I said some mean things to my closest friend who I have feelings for

Basically accused her for lying about something

We discussed about my feelings for her and she told me she doesn't have feelings for me although she kinda misled me into believing that she did

But she values our friendship

I couldn't sleep knowing that she doesn't like me even though I felt optimistic that she did

After I said those hurtful things, she is seeing me in a different light, and saying that she can't even imagine being friends with me

We're co-workers and we're part of a friends circle

I can imagine things being different but it physically hurts me to think that we can't stay friends

I’ve kind of given up of naming friends. I seem to have developed an angry personality like I can’t seem to enjoy company and I’m just unhappy and mad all the time. All interactions seem to be going wrong and I just can’t care. Like the people around me I know for sure don’t find me fun to be around but I just can’t care now like I tried to be close now it just pisses me off.

Everything for me has been so stressful. My friends at school, they can't stop bothering me every single moment of the day. Sometimes, they can't stop talking about random things that no one asked about, and theres times where they just forget I'm here. I kind of stand around every time they have a conversation, but every time a conversation actually includes me, It gets a bit boring or inappropriate. I recently got myself a boyfriend, but I wanted to keep it private and only share it between them. Of course, some of them can't hold a secret and told people. I got so mad, but I eventually worked it out, although I'm still really mad at her and now I feel like I can't share anything to anyone, which is usually a way that helps me deal with things. My boyfriends friends as well, they get really annoying and make weird comments every single time. I just don't feel like I have proper relationships with anyone.

I also do competitive sports, and I'm moving houses, so I also have to change sport clubs. I did a few trial lessons, and I hate that I can't talk to anyone. Everyone already knows each other, and I'm just.. there. I used to be so excited about all these things and now, I just feel broken. I have to leave all my current friends, who I have known for around 2-4 years, and none of them are coming with me. Every part of my social life is kind of falling apart and I just need help. I don't want to reach out for it because when my friends find out about this and get worried, they get all clingy, which I don't like at all.

People always say kindess is the most important thing, like if you be nice to people, good things come back to you. But honestly, I don’t know if that’s true anymore. I used to think it was, used to try real hard to always be the "good" person, the one who helps, the one who listens, the one who puts others first. And what do I get for it? Nothing. People just take what they want from you and then leave when they don’t need you no more. Like, I lost count of how many times I’ve been there for someone, helped them through something, only for them to forget I even exist once their life gets better. And it’s not like I expect a prize or anything, but damn, would it kill people to actually appreciate it? To remember?

I had this friend, right? She was going through a real bad time, like everything in her life was a mess. I was there for her every day, texting, calling, going over to her place, making sure she was okay. I did everything I could to help her. And she always said, "I don’t know what I’d do without you," "You’re the only one who actually cares." Made me think, yeah, maybe this time it’s different. Maybe this time someone actually values me. But guess what? The second things got better for her, she found new friends, started dating someone, got her life together, and just… forgot about me. Like I was just a tool she needed for that one chapter of her life. And that’s not even the first time it happened.

So what’s the point? Why should I keep trying to be nice, keep showing up for people when it never gets me anywhere? Sometimes I think maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m too stupid to see that the world doesn’t work like that. People don’t actually care about kindess, they just take what they need from whoever’s willing to give it. And then I look around, and I see all these selfish people, the ones who don’t care about anyone but themselves, and they’re the ones who actually seem happy. They do whatever they want, say whatever they want, and people still like them. Meanwhile, the ones who actually try to be good just end up getting used.

And don’t even get me started on how people treat kindness like weakness. If you’re too nice, too giving, people just assume they can walk all over you. At work, I tried to be the person who helped everyone, covered shifts, did favors, always said yes. And you know what happened? People just started expecting it. No one actually asked me anymore, they just assumed I’d do it. The second I said no to something, they acted all shocked, like I was suddenly a different person. And it made me realize, people don’t respect kindess. They use it.

Maybe I sound bitter, maybe I am. But I’m just tired of always being the one who cares more. Of always giving and never getting. Of always being the backup plan, the emotional support, the nice one. Because at the end of the day, kindess don’t get you love. It don’t get you respect. It just gets you taken for granted. And honestly? I don’t wanna live like that anymore.

so uh I sent you this link bc I just wanna tell you that i'm sorry for the huge argument we had it was over quite honestly the stupidest thing ever and idk why I'm not talking to you I just knew that eventually I was gonna say smt stupid and you'd actually hate me then- and I mean I did say smt real stupid lol, I'm rlly sorry for that but like i didn't rlly know how to tell you irl and ofc I didn't kick you off Disease :P I mean I could've if I wabted to but then who would decide whether or not Robin dies, right? so I mean you can reply to this on this platform or you can reply on the doc I sent you this on idrm, just know I'm sorry for what I said even if I don't remember what I said. and dw, things are fine now with me smt happened today that made me rlly happy :D I'll tell you about that if you wanna hear but if you don't that's fine :P

so I mean if you don't want to be friends I understand I rlly was an asshole to you and I did treat you like shit and i'm sorry for that, just know that I do care Abt you, and I'm sorry for yelling at you at lunch I didn't know it would trigger you and when you told me I was really pissed at that point and not thinking straight with my reply

I guess that day I was just really out of it bc I felt so horrible over what had happened that morning and with my parents and my grades and everything else like my memory problems and my temper was shorter than ever so please ignore all the hurtful things I said to you (even if it didn't hurt you) bc I was kinda out of it that day

so this morning in the hall on my way to Band class, a friend of mine passed, one of the Special Ed kids. Usually he just waves at me, and I smile and wave back, but today he said, "Can I have a hug?" And I said, "Sure!" and that was hours ago and I'm still smiling. That little interaction made my day a little better :D

here's your reminder that even the smallest of things, a little smile, a hug, even a compliment can brighten someone's day just a little!

I’ve never been good at the whole social thing. It’s not like I hate people or anything, I just… don’t know what to do around them. I’m 30, I work in IT, and I spend most of my time either at my job or at home. If I’m being honest, I don’t really have friends. Not real ones, at least. There are coworkers I talk to, sure, but it’s all surface-level. Small talk about projects, the occasional joke, maybe a conversation about whatever new tech is trending. But it never goes beyond that. No one’s inviting me out for drinks after work, no one’s texting me on weekends to hang out. I see other people who have their group of friends, who go to game nights or out to dinner, and I wonder how they even got there. At what point do you go from “just coworkers” to actual friends? Because for me, that part never seems to happen. I go to work, I do my job, I go home, and that’s my life. And honestly? It’s starting to feel… empty.

I know I should be more social, but I have no idea HOW. I tried going to a meetup once—some group for people in tech who like gaming. Seemed perfect, right? But the second I walked in, it felt like everyone already knew each other. They were talking, laughing, making plans for things outside of the group, and I just stood there awkwardly, pretending to be interested in my phone. Eventually, someone started a conversation with me, and for a minute, I felt okay. But then the conversation shifted, people started making jokes I didn’t really get, and just like that, I was back to feeling like an outsider. It’s not that they were rude or anything. They were just… normal. Comfortable. And I wasn’t. So I left early, told myself I’d try again next time, but I never went back. That’s the thing—every time I try, it feels like it doesn’t work, like I just don’t fit in. So what’s the point in putting myself through that?

The worst part is, I actually want to connect with people. I don’t want to be the guy who spends every weekend alone, eating takeout and scrolling through Reddit, watching other people live their lives. I want to be part of something. But the idea of putting myself out there again, just to feel like I don’t belong, is exhausting. And the longer I stay in this cycle, the harder it feels to break out of it. I tell myself I’ll start saying yes to things—yes to after-work drinks, yes to social events—but when the time comes, I just make an excuse. Oh, I’m too tired. Oh, I have work to do. But the truth is, I’m just scared. Scared that even if I show up, I’ll still be the guy standing off to the side, not really part of anything. And honestly? That feeling is worse than just being alone in the first place.

So where does that leave me? I don’t know. Maybe the trick isn’t to force myself into social situations where I feel uncomfortable, but to start small. Maybe I should try to connect with just one person instead of an entire group. Maybe I should stop overthinking every conversation, worrying about whether I’m saying the right thing, and just… talk. I don’t expect to suddenly become the life of the party, but I don’t want to keep feeling this way either. There’s gotta be a way to get better at this, to feel like I actually belong somewhere. I just have to figure out how.

It takes a village. You need to work on building your village. I feel I have but many times it’s confirmed my village is not very robust or even existent. It’s heartbreaking. People are nice enough for awhile but then don’t (or “can’t”) show up when you really need it. What am I missing? What am I doing wrong?

Everyone tells me to enjoy my uni years as they are the most fun and interesting years I will experience. The thing is I realized a place means nothing without having people in it. For the past year and a half I’ve tried looking for “my people” I went to every society event I could think of and I met so many people but I never got close to anyone. They always came in groups I was always alone and was hard to blend with them. I always reached out to them first and not once did I get a random message from anyone I’ve met. I was fine with being alone, studying at the library alone, going to cafes and events alone I didn’t mind it I found them chances to meet people but now I can’t stand it after mowing how hard I’ve tried so that I wouldn’t have to do these things alone. I’m fine with being alone but I just don’t want to have to be alone all the time. I get really frustrated and mad when I see the people I know post on their stories their hang outs and events they go to. I feel very left out and bored. I really did try I swear I’ve lost my dignity practically trying my best and always being happy and cheerful and fun to be around but I’m getting really tiered of it. I’ve lost all interest in everything

Honestly my dad is a massive bitch and im so close to losing my shit. Everyone i talk to just goes like “oh but he’s your dad” ok but im his daughter. He’s supposed to be the man i look up to, he’s supposed to be an example for me to look at for the future, he’s supposed to be my father but honestly all i see him as is just a nuisance. All he does is complain and complain all day. He’s spent thousands of money over a game while me and my siblings are over here starving some nights.

Sometimes i feel like sort of a burden. No one really talks to me, i usually have to start conversations. Or when the other person starts the conversation its just a quick one and they give off that they dont wanna talk to me. Maybe its just me but i miss being someone’s first choice. Would anyone choose me as their first option, or will i always be the side friend who people come to for advice only.

It’s pretty tiring but it’s ok, i have my gf. We dont talk much bc we’re both busy most days but i love her so much

I hate life :D

I always say or do something I don't mean, and then I can't apologise for what I said because I don't remember what I said. and I'm starting to think I have some serious memory problems because I can't remember a 2 hour concert. I don't remember what the songs were called, the faces of the people who performed, the songs themselves, I can't even remember the applause. All I remember from that night was the silly sound the band director made at the end of describing one of the songs, the sound was supposed to be the cry of a unicorn that was dying or something. And my mom's just like "oh it's your ADHD." Maybe that's it, but if I can't remember a two hour long concert or even a sentence I said or something I did it's gotta be something more than neurodivergence. I feel sick because I think I said or did something today that was insensitive, but I don't remember what it was, just that one of my friends was like "Don't do that, can't you see that's not what it is?" BUT I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT I SAID. OR WHAT HAPPENED TO MAKE ME SAY IT. and now I feel horrible, like I want to throw up then crawl in a hole and fucking die. And why shouldn't I? nobody will fucking miss me. I'm a nuisance, a burden on this world. I have become cumbersome to this world, to my friendgroup. I feel like I should relieve them of the burden that is myself. also me and some of my friends (B and E) are writing a story. E came up with the idea. We each have a character that we designed. But now I feel like I've completely taken over the story. E isn't on the doc much, and B is sometimes but only comments random things, never types anything himself. and I feel like I've just taken full control and I hate it when I do that, mostly because I do it on accident but I just got so many ideas and now I feel like quitting completely and letting the other two write it without me because I feel like they feel like I'm bossy and I don't want them upset with me. and my parents are also mad at me because my grades. I can't turn shit in because I lose it, or I don't finish it. Because literally every little thing fucking distracts me. I can't pay attention, I can't find my assignments, and my grades go to shit. I'm just so done with shit. I can't do this anymore. I just can't.

so i'm kind of not talking to my friends right now. I posted a vent on kandipad.com and one of my IRL friends saw it. we got into this huge argument. I don't really want to go into detail. But I haven't talked to anyone since the argument.

The vent was about how I feel like I'm a burden to everyone around me. Also how I feel like a horrible person, because I say things that I don't mean or that are insensitive but then I can't apologize bc I don't remember what I said. And how I accidentally took over a story me and two of my friends were supposed to be writing together.

One of my friends commented saying that I'm not a burden. I didn't (and still don't) believe him. So we got into this huge argument about like idek anymore. He said at some point that I was mischaracterising him or something, and how I needed to stop with the self-pity, and I told him to leave me alone. Then he said I was treating him like crap. And I just kept asking him to leave me alone until he did.

Which begs the question:

Am I the problem?