Friendship Stories

So yesterday the Marching Band season started

I have a friend who's in marching band. she's three years older than me, she's really awesome and she has GREAT taste in music.

I met her last year in last year's marching band season. (last year was my first year.)

Also last year, I had another friend.

He was pretty cool. We met because of a mutual friend I had made during that year's Spring Trainings.

We became pretty good friends.

The music that year was really stressful. I ended up crying in the hallway, considering quitting, but he gave me a pep talk.

I started to really like him.

Then, in the middle of the season last year, he stopped speaking to me for no reason at all.

And then, yesterday, first day of spring Trainings, I had to see him again.

It hurt like crazy.

I'm a horrible friend. I say stuff I don't mean, and it's usually hurtful or something. And I hate myself for it. All my friends (except one) have stopped talking to me, I've vented about it on here before, but now I understand why. I'm a mean, horrible person. No wonder they all hate me. I try to be myself but the person I truly am is a jerk. Maybe if I'm someone else they'll like me again. I constantly feel the need to change myself for them, so maybe that's what actually needs to happen. Maybe I do need to change. Maybe if I make the right changes, they'll talk to me again. Maybe if I'm interested in the same things as them, if I talk the way they do, if I act like them, if I think like them, if i have the same sense of humour as them, they'll be friends with me again. Because I know they'll never love who I really am. They'll never accept me for the asshole I am inside. I need to be more like them.

Hey me.

I see you sitting there, blasting Glass Half Empty on loop through your earbuds in the middle of class. I'm doing the same thing, too. Those lyrics are so relatable, aren't they? Anyway. I know Bowie, Trinity, and Harvie are still ignoring you. I know that Johne and Amelia still forget you're there sometimes. I know that Angel is your only friend left that sees and hears you. But hey, things'll get better. I think. You know, let's just reflect on the past four years before we get to high school. How's that sound? and when we're seniors, we'll reflect on our high school years too. Here we go:

Remember 5th grade? when you and Trinity first met? When you dated Livvie? Remember her? I forgot what school she goes to now... Oh well. But remember recess, playing with all of Trinity's little plastic animals? Remember there Kermits? You never did really become part of that... But that's besides the point. 5th grade was fun! I miss it. I bet you do too.

6th grade was when you met Amelia, Harvie, and Maddie. I still remember the exact places we sat at lunch. The third round table, and you always say next to Amelia. And you would give her your cheeseburger (which you got everyday) even though she had a lunchbox. Those were the good days... Ah well. They're gone now. But those days were easy, you never had to worry about whether or not your existence would be remembered the next day. EVeryone was interested in the same things, and we were all one friendgroup, and there was no stress about who liked who. That is, until you started liking Amelia. But you never asked her out, did you? I don't blame you. Stuff like that is really stressful.

And 7th grade! That was when you met Bowie, Angel, and Johne. Remember how you and Bowie started out? kinda awkward, I remember. Emma had been saying for a while that you and Bowie would be best friends. And you became best friends, didn't you! You two had such fun together. Then Trinity and Amelia started dating. Then you and Maddie started dating. Then you broke up with Maddie. And then you and Bowie started dating. 7th grade was ok.

But 8th grade... That's when everything fell apart. You broke up with Bowie, yet you two still stayed best friends. Nothing changed between you two, except maybe that you'd make jokes about when you two dated, things like, "why did I ever date you" whenever one of you did something dumb. But then... people started drifting. The friendgroup split in half. One half even moved tables at lunch. That was your half. And the other half stopped speaking to you and you only. Even Bowie, who was on that half. And then you started turning invisible with your own half. Even on your birthday. At least you still had Angel. But some days, you were invisible to even her. Depression got the best of you, didn't it? It still has me in its holds.

But listen to me now: you can't let yourself disappear. Get new friends. Ones who see you and hear you. Don't let the old ones turn you invisible. They don't define you. Even if things seem hopeless now, you'll get through this. You have to. And if you don't, then at least you tried, right? so try. Don't let go just yet. Don't give up until you can't go any further. It may seem like you can't now, but you can. Trust me. The apathy and depression may be bad, but you'll survive it all. Maybe. Possibly. You've almost made it to high school. Just keep pushing, and you'll get there. I get it, you want to just fizzle out, to just give up. But you can't. Keep going. Do it for Angel. For Sam, too, even though you can't talk to him anymore. But he'd want you to keep going. So keep going.

See you soon,

You.

At first, I felt fine, before I realized: In your eyes, I'm a demon, right? Without an ending, I'm still pretending like I attended your funeral today. Overconsumption of your own compassion, put on perfume of iniquity. Now I could never dream of doing anything in such a way like you did to me, so, give me a taste of sovereignty, a lantern in the night. Get me away from history, from the cycle's bitter light, from existing out of spite.

Now do you hate me? Are you afraid of me? Are you able to feel culpability? Come forth, and kill me! Bow down, and worship name! Take your time! All we have is eternity! My name is unknown, something I've never told. On my own, I declare, "I DON'T WANNA GO HOME!" I've got a cut-throat delight as we carouse while you writhe. I'll put your fear in my drink tonight. Tonight, I'm chewing up and spitting out your pride. You got an iron dye where only God'll find. I took a photo of shame to remember you by. True colours make a pretty-picture memory, returning less than you gave to me. I know infinity, she howls with the past, as they gouge each other's eyes. I know duplicity, who once was a child born in villainy. I know infinity, she howls with the past, as they gouge each other's eyes. I know what hides in me, if only you knew the same... Now do you hate me? Are you afraid of me? Are you able to feel culpability? Come forth, and kill me! Bow down, and worship name! Take your time! All we have is eternity! My name is unknown, something I've never told. On my own, I declare, "I don't wanna go home!"

Culpability: Responsibilty for a fault or wrong; blame.

Nobody feels culpability anymore.

Except me.

And the only culpability I feel is other people's.

Why does my girl best friend always constantly stay with her boyfriend even when he always lies to her and doesn’t spend much time with her( just for context both of them are my best friends I had been best friends with my boy best friend before they got together)

So let’s just call my girl best friend Amy and my boy best friend Ethan

So Amy always complains to me that Ethan is always hiding his phone and she eventually gets to the bottom of it where he has got pictures of girls on his phone and he is lying about having them, she has “broken up” with him too many times and I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t know what to tell her anymore coz I say to her it’s up to you what you do it’s not my relationship, she still goes back to him and forgives him but how many times is she going to repeat the same things all the time and she gets mad, upset and even blocks him and then unblocks him and then is all perfectly normal with him the next day , he always gets annoyed at me or take it out on me if he is frustrated about something but never his own girlfriend like I’m his best friend not a verbal punch bag, she never confronts him about it because she will get upset about how he will react, she doesn’t confront about him about certain things coz he always reacts the same he gets in a mood with her, he says I’m not doing this, I’m not listening to what you are saying because you are constantly going on,a woman has the right to say what she is feeling and if it is bothering her then she should be able to talk about it without someone getting annoyed about it or doesn’t want to listen because men know they are in the wrong they just don’t care, so what do I do about this guys

Ping

Ping

Ping

Make it stop

Ping

Ping

Ping

Ping

Another wave of messages come through

You throw your phone across the room

Shattered and broken

Yet still turns on

Ping

Ping

Ping

Another load of messages

Overloading your brain

You swipe open your phone

Wincing as the broken glass slices your finger

You open your messages

"Traitor"

"Cheat"

"Liar"

"Fake"

You switch off your phone

You can't do it

Ping

Ping

Ping

You burst into tears

Why do they hate me so?

I feel like I need to be cautious around a woman I’ve observed to be prejudiced. She feels almost like family to me, yet I sense that her prejudices keep her tightly bound—and although she tries to break free from them, it seems like they’re stronger than she is.

She’s a deeply religious person, and that terrifies me. Her way of enforcing rules—under the guise of "care"—comes across as imposing. I used to be like that too, but over time, I’ve distanced myself from that mindset.

Now I understand how others must have felt around me back then. She has a daughter—pretty, charming even—but the idea of being close to her, especially knowing who her mother is, makes me uneasy. I don’t know what secrets the daughter may be hiding, even though she presents herself as an open, accepting teenager. I feel like I can't step out of the mold they’ve placed me in, or else there’ll be trouble. Honestly, I think the wise thing for me to do is walk away from their lives. Now I understand how some girls used to feel about me.

It was nice to meet them, but under the weight of this devaluing energy, I can’t say I want them in my life. Their deep involvement in things like religion makes me feel like they’re rooted in a kind of worldview that demands change in others—to align with what they believe is right—while barely acknowledging other people’s principles. It feels suffocating. I’m scared they might try to change me, in a way that doesn’t let me come back to myself—just through guilt.

I sense that, because I’m easy to pull along, I come off as attractive to her daughter—and that she engages with me mostly out of family guilt, at least from what I can tell.

I met them when I bought coffee from them. That interaction with the woman left me feeling that her every gesture was rigid, almost mechanical. I know she tries to be kind and patient with others, but I don’t want to go any deeper—I don’t want to see her anger. They seem “too good to be true,” and I feel like running away, because one day the mask is going to drop.

What sort of assumptions might they be making—without even realizing—while thinking they’re just protecting me? I’m honestly worried that they could interpret my behavior as harmful. Right now, I’m uneasy because the woman didn’t reply to me. She saw a few of my posts, which held values opposite to hers, and then I saw something she shared about toxic people. I’m afraid she was talking about me. I hate how she makes me feel—like who I am doesn’t align with the way she idealizes me. It makes me feel like I depend on her approval, and that’s a cage. That dependency brings on this anxiety.

[Translated from Spanish. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

These are people you’d want to test—just to be sure their helpful spirit isn’t being exploited. But within that family, it’s been easy to keep things safe as long as I’ve stayed at a distance. Still, I don’t know if there are unspoken lines I’ve crossed without realizing. Honestly, I feel like I’m walking through a minefield.

I want to get away from this family. They present themselves as tolerant, but their roots and rigidity make me feel like this is headed for something terrible—silent, hard to name, and even harder to escape once I’m in too deep. I now understand exactly why my friends used to avoid me. Running into someone from my past has turned into a waking nightmare—something that feels just about to begin. I never thought I’d feel this way about myself.

And what’s worse, I think they may be entirely unconscious of the harm they could cause. They might normalize my changes—as long as they lead to what they see as ideal. They’d applaud every part of the process, even when I’m clearly lost or hurting. It’s like they want me to fail just to guide me back toward who they want me to be.

I feel the risk of being erased. Maybe I’m just confused—but the burden of trusting that they’re not what they seem feels too heavy. Maybe that’s why I’m saying all these things, about how they appear to be—things I hope they wouldn’t actually do. Sure, I bet they’re different when you really talk to them, but the level of emotional effort they expect from others feels crushing and guilt-inducing. That alone makes me feel trapped. I’m scared I’ll test the waters just out of habit—and get stuck.

Honestly? Now I understand why no one wanted to date me before.

Why do i feel attached to people who hurt me? So like, i have this friend, whom i considered one of my few close friend, i told him i was bi, he was fine with it, but after a yew years he suddenly just texted me smth like "i hate people who's being special on purpose" "if you weren't bi you would be more special" "instead of posting art why not focus on getting a scholarship", honestly this hurts me a lot, i blocked him but for some reason a part of me wants to unblock him and still text him- like i miss him but i hate him idkkkkk- i also made friends with someone, i liked them a lot even tho they told me how to hrm myslf and took pictures of me even tho i told them dont, which made me uncomfortable, so why did i feel so sad and lonely when they were gone?

Leering, pointing, laughing

'Oh it's only banter'

'It's just a joke'

'We're only messing around'

'You can take a joke can't you'

I tread carefully around everywhere

Stares from everyone

Whispers and sneers

Fear weighing me down

Following the river of my tears

Every day the same

Glares and frowns

'Freak'

'She's nothing like us'

Every comment leaves a mark

Burnt into my skin

Etched into my brain

Carved into my heart

The cruel words tornadoing around my head

'Tramp'

Brusies from their bullets

Cuts from their words

Shattered like glass

Am I made of glass?

I feel really just numb today. I keep forcing a smile onto my face because it's my birthday, but whenever I'm alone I zone out completely and allow myself to feel nothing. This morning was really difficult. I almost missed the bus because I couldn't find a reason to get out of bed. But hey, I didn't miss the bus. Now I'm here at school, being ignored by people I now see to be my ex-friends. So why did I get out of bed this morning? I have no idea. I'm in band class as I type this, supposed to be practicing for Solo and Ensemble but listening to Paralysed by NF on loop while playing BitLife and ignoring the fact that my two ex-friends are sitting so close and not even glancing in my direction. Nobody at school knows today's my birthday except for Angel, my bestie. So woo-hoo, happy birthday to me I guess. Angel made a little birthday song for me: "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, let the gayness run through you, happy birthday to you" and yeah, when she sang it, I forced a laugh and a smile, but I didn't really feel much. I just thought, "Perhaps that was meant to be funny. Guess I'll laugh now." so yeah. Guess depression got the best of me or something. I dunno.

In January of this year, I went out clubbing with my boyfriend and an ex-friend. When we arrived, my boyfriend asked my ex-friend if she had an edible, and she gave him one. He consumed half of it, usually less than what he usually takes because he is attentive to us. He would normally eat a whole edible, sometimes even two. My friend and I pre-gamed as usual and went into the club. About 30 minutes later, my boyfriend said he needed to go to the bathroom. About half an hour passed, and he never returned, so we started calling and texting him and eventually went looking for him. We found him semi-conscious and very sick in a bathroom stall. He asked to be left alone to throw up and said he’d be okay.

At that point, my ex-friend began to panic about how we would get him home and started texting her boyfriend. I introduced them to each other, and they had only been dating for about two months at the time of this incident. He was not supportive and essentially blamed her for the situation. He said this was the "consequences of our actions" and screenshotted their conversation. She started crying, saying she "hates when he gets like this." I tried to help her communicate with him but realized it was no use, so I reached out to a separate friend who agreed to pick us up. Meanwhile, the club’s security saw that my boyfriend was not doing well and gave him water. Eventually, he made it outside on his own and continued throwing up. I checked in with him, and he told me to go back in and enjoy the night, so I tried to relax a bit while waiting for our ride. During that time, my ex-friend didn’t say anything supportive and stayed cold and distant. I will admit I got upset in the heat of the moment and called her a bitch, but I instantly apologized because I realized she was probably hurt over her boyfriend's actions.

Once our ride arrived, we left. My boyfriend threw up a bit more, but after getting food, he started to feel much better. We ensured he didn’t drive, and everyone got home safely. On the way home, my ex-friend said she was canceling all her birthday plans (her b-day was the following weekend), including with her boyfriend, and didn’t want to celebrate anymore. The next day, I sent a message to both of them apologizing if I had said or done anything wrong while drunk and expressed how glad I was that we made safe choices. My boyfriend responded, took accountability, and we worked through it. My ex-friend, however, ghosted me and never responded. She remained active on social media the whole time but ignored me. Her boyfriend contacted me asking if I had heard from her, which I didn't, but I told him I would let him know. About two days later, she finally replied saying she didn’t think things between us would ever be the same. She claimed she felt alone that night, had to be responsible for getting us home, and said she no longer wanted a friendship with my boyfriend because he had called her toxic. He did admit that he texted her multiple times, worried for her, and he did call her toxic for refusing to at least let us know that she was there. I responded respectfully, pointing out that I had actually arranged the ride home, and her boyfriend hadn’t been concerned for our safety. I also said that if she needed space, she could’ve just said that instead of ignoring me. She responded with a short, dismissive message and never followed up.

I later reached out wishing her a happy birthday in hopes that maybe we could try to patch things up. She replied with a short “thank you,” and has continued to ghost me since then. She’s been active and went on to celebrate her birthday with her boyfriend, despite previously saying she wouldn’t be doing anything. She’s made zero effort to reconnect or talk things out, yet seemed to have instantly taken him back and was willing to work through their issues. On a side note, I have a friend who owns a dispensary and strongly believes my boyfriend’s reaction was due to being laced, especially given how extreme it was in comparison to his usual tolerance. I don't really want to believe this was the reality and sadly we'll never know. All we know is that her boyfriend had given her said edible and she claimed it was from a dispensary.

I’m still deeply hurt by the situation and am just trying to find closure since it's evident she won't be providing it. Her and I have gone through a lot together, and it hurts knowing that she's willing to throw it all away yet accept a man she's barley known. It is her first relationship so I kinda understand but I'm still hurt. I started to reflect on the way she had been treating me and I feel like there may have been signs. When she started dating him, she would take him to go do plans her and I made. I would always beg her to play video games with me, yet she'd go offline mode and play with him. I even made a "joke" about feeling replaced and she kinda ignored it. I've spoken to many friends about the incident and many just tell me she was/is a crappy friend and to move on. But I guess it hurts knowing someone who I wanted to be in my life forever would do this to me. If you've read this far, thank you.

I won't share my age or anything, I just need to get it off of my chest.

So, I have this friend, we can call her S to make is easier, S does sports, running, she serves at a church and grew up in a home where her dad was a marathon runner and had a spacious home growing up, no siblings.

I'm just here, no sports experience besides a bit of badminton and frisbe, no teams, I barely go out and I have to sleep with my dad to make sure he needs something, sometimes I sleep on my own bed in a room me and my older sister shares, my older sis sleeps in another bed.

I know writing this makes me sound whiny and pathetic, but I genuinely wonder if she knows if what she says about me is just a joke and won't affect me. "Your such a big back!" "Of course you take your anger out" "Imagine tryna insult me" along with being hypocritical, she would say were 'past a song' then proceeds to play it?? "No one cares that you ate 2 popcorn bags" Well I'm sorry, but no one cares that you thought a noise was something else or that you think the teacher did something 'sus' as you call it. It makes me get an overwhelming sense of emotions, anger, sadness or outright tiredness.

I know she means well but I can't seem to be well myself, I'm confused about my emotional state to the point where I rather be alone with a pen and paper than be with my actual friends, but instead, I lash out and do things I regret after calming down.

I hate this, I hate how I'm supposedly the friend she's talk to if she doesn't have anyone else to comfort or to talk to. I'll be talked to if we're either sitting together or she's with others she doesn't like.

But hey, in the end I'm just 'the introverted artist' friend. S, we aren't in some youtube shorts POV, its real life and what you say to me is gonna make me have second thoughts.

... Man, I sound like I'm complaining, sorry.

I've lost myself, I think. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm mad at everybody for reasons I can't explain. I'm upsetting everyone somehow but I don't remember when I say or do something to upset people. My memory gaps have gotten so bad that all of my friends probably hate me but I don't remember why. Where has my memory gone? who even am I anymore?

This morning I remember I got a small nosebleed and had some blood on my hands, and I'm used to nosebleeds so it's not a big deal. It ended as I got to morning holding (that's when everyone who didn't go to breakfast sit in the gym and wait to go to class) and my friend Emma was like "Did you get a nosebleed?" And I was like "yeah" so she handed me some tissues.

Then my memory skips to me talking to my friend next to me, the blood on my hand is mostly gone, and I can sense that people are upset with me, but I have no idea what I said now. I don't remember saying anything, or even looking at the person who seemed most upset with me. I just asked him, and he said I called him an asshole for trying to help him, and then when he asked what he did I said "Oh yeah what'd YOU do..." BUT I DONT REMEMBER ANY OF IT. Now he won't talk to me (even more so than usual, he's been ignoring me lately) and I'm genuinely scared at why this memory gaps happened. It's happened before, but usually I remember something, like a person's face, or what happened to make me say something, nut I don't remember. It's like my memory was wiped clean of that exact moment and I have no idea why.

Happy birthday to me I guess🎊🥳🎉!! April 9th😃🙏🏻✨!! Spending my birthday with family in Vegas. Then headed back to California to celebrate with my bestie in May🤩!! Super excited!!! I look forward to seeing my bestie😄!! I haven't seen her in months since I moved🫠. The Cali beach is calling me🏖️!! Many people I've heard don't think California is fun... I don't understand that, but maybe I'm just easy to please... To a certain extent😅. I'm easy to please when it comes to activities... But I'm a picky humor person or a picky eater, etc... so, again, certain things are easy for me to enjoy.

Anyways, I wish my mom was with me, but she passed away in October of 2024, so this is the 1st birthday I'm having without my mom😭. Definitely trying to have a positive day though😋👍🏻! Eating good food, drinking lots of water and Propel, and it's good to get money usually💸💰🤑!! But either way, I know I'm one of the lucky ones and I'm not denying that🙂. I hope everyone else has a wonderful day, and I'll try to do the same🙃.