Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

sometimes it really feels like no one even sees me, like i’m just some background noise in my own house. my parents are always busy yellin at each other or complainin about bills or stressin over stuff that i guess matters to them but like, never once do they ask how i’m doin. not even a simple “you okay?” or “how was your day?” it’s like they don’t even remember i exist unless it’s to tell me to do chores or turn the music down. i come home from school, go straight to my room, and that’s it. dinner is usually silent, if we even eat together at all. nd if i say something, they either ignore me or act like i’m bein dramatic. like bro, sorry i have feelings?? and my little sister gets all the attention too, like if she even sneezes mom rushes over like it’s the end of the world, but if i say i’m tired or sad, i just get told to stop being lazy. like wow thanks, that really helps.

at school it ain’t much better either. i got a few people i talk to but it’s not like real friends. more like people i sit near in class and joke with sometimes, but no one who really knows me. i don’t got that one friend who texts first or checks in or invites me to stuff. most weekends i just sit in my room scrollin on my phone while watchin the same shows over and over. nd sometimes i post stuff online hopin someone will comment or like it just so i feel like i’m not totally invisible. but most the time it’s just silence. everyone says “reach out” if you’re strugglin, but like… reach out to who?? the people who already don’t notice me? my parents who only care when i mess up? sometimes i just wanna scream like HELLO I’M HERE, but i already know it wouldn’t matter.

i try to act normal at school, smile and joke around so no one thinks anything’s wrong. but inside i’m just tired. tired of feeling like i don’t matter. tired of pretendin like it’s all fine. nd i kno people got it worse, i do, but that doesn’t make my feelings fake. i just want someone to care. like really care. not just when it’s convenient or when they want somethin from me. i don’t need big speeches or anything, just someone to say “i see you.” someone to sit with me even if we don’t talk. cuz right now it just feels like i’m floatin through life, watchin everyone else live while i’m stuck in this loop where nothin changes. maybe one day it’ll get better, maybe i’ll get outta this place, find people who make me feel like i matter. but right now? it feels like no one cares about me. and honestly… maybe they never did.

I'm not even shocked at this point hahahah they've done that to me before years before they gonna do it again right now lol 😂

my partner and i have been together for a couple of months now. he and i both have BPD aka Borderline Personality Disorder.

today, i found out that he claimed one of his friends as his FP or Favorite Person. i know this friend, i talk to them sometimes but as far as i was aware, this friend isn't that close with my partner since they just met recently. but somehow, they became his FP.

there's nothing wrong with it because i understand that you can't control when these things happen, but i guess it's just making me upset since i'm his partner and it feels weird knowing that i am not his FP, despite having known him for longer + we're literally together.

i don't know if i'm overreacting or not. i've already communicated with him about how i want to be put first sometimes, because usually it's me reaching out or it's me starting a conversation or me planning dates and stuff. but he hasn't done anything at all even after promising he'd try to change this. i'm even overthinking about how he might be cheating on me with this friend.

anybody out there with bpd or a similar disorder, can you give me some advice? should i break i off or should i try to talk with him more?

I’m becoming a junior in high school soon and Im recovering from a suicide attempt. So my mom is pretty strict and especially with grades so she kept a close eye on my grades growing up and I already had excellent grades because I wanted to impress her, my world basically revolves around my mom since my dad isn’t present in my life because he had gotten married to another woman when my parents split. I kept my grades steady and I made sure to ace every test and do extra credit so my mom could praise me, she bragged about me to the rest of my family and it felt good. It wasn’t until I started high school she began to pressure me more, I didn’t have a lot of friends because I studied during breaks and lunches for upcoming tests. I had also joined clubs and a sport in my freshman year, it made me tired but I wanted to hear my mom say that I did so amazing and I’m so smart. In my sophomore year is when I felt like I began to have a hard time because I felt so isolated from the other students having fun but all I could think about is my mom. And when one of my grades dropped to a letter down in my classes my mom saw and got really mad at me at home she lectured that B’s will get me nowhere in life, I’m acting lazy like my dad and she didn’t give birth to failures. And I just cried and said I’ll do better next time and my mom just said “One of these days you won’t get to have a next time.” And after that day she took my phone and laptop away to help me focus better but she had also started to talk down at me even when i wasn’t doing anything and complain loudly in the house enough so I can hear and feel guilty. I’m not close with anyone in our family either so I couldn’t tell anyone about this. Teachers praised me but I wasn’t comfortable enough, I didn’t know how to cope so I resulted in harming myself for some dumb mistake I did in a test. I don’t want to get into too much detail about how I attempted but all I could think about is when I woke up in the hospital bed with my mom crying next to me asking why I did that and why i didn’t tell her. I just wanted her to hug me and tell me it’s okay. But I’m in therapy now I still love my mom and I’m grateful for her taking care of me playing both parts as a single parent and I’m okay, a little numb because it felt surreal that I did that.

I hate it soo much!! I hate it here, I hate existing so badly because I'm anxious every single second, I feel as though everyone's eyes are on me, and every time I move, it feels like I'm a robot because I'm conscious of my every movement. I move and talk how people want me to, and it's so hard to be myself because I fear that I will be judged. My anxiety is so bad I can't even show my true colors to my friends. I know they're good people, but I'm just scared. So scared, you know? I know they won't judge for every little thing but even so, I'm terrified. My traumas won't let me be the person I wish to be; I'm always holding myself back because I'm just so anxious. I hate feeling like this because I'm wasting my whole life acting like someone I'm not.

Do you ever get that feeling when your just laughing with your friends but then you suddenly remember that there's a never ending void in your body that can never be filled of happiness or any emotion in general since ever since you were born you were taught that showing literally any emotion except happiness is wrong that till this day you still think about it and still believe that the sadness and anger you feel sometimes is just a bother?

My aunt had a saying when we where little that was a snippit from a church song reworded that went "Jesus said love everyone treat them kindly too, if your heart is filled with poo, no one will live you". To be honest why is it that my family acts like thats a foreign concept, and we aren't even foreign where a freaking white medium Christian family. Its like no one knows how to be kind and no one knows what being a decent human being is like.

On another note I kinda feel like a hyprocrite for wishing for everyone to be different, because i'm the one who cant pick up on social cues and always says the wrong thing. And at this point in my life I feel like saying I have mildish high functioning autism sounds like a stupid excuse.

I have a bunch of sister, mostly older and a twin as well (non identical) and they make me want to kill myself and i'm not saying that in a joking way. Like how is it that every friend I make leaves me for my extroverted sister? It's not like i did anything wrong i really tried to stay their friends but after they meet alice they act like im boring. Some of my other sister seem to always put in the effort to make it seem like i'm trying to be weird and mentally ill but I wish I wasn't, because its not like im even a cool level of mentally ill, im the type that gets called slurs and doesn't make friends unless its to people who don't have there own friends. Even then they always then meet each other through me and kind of forget about me.

Lastly what i'm going to vent about is relationship stuff. So I have a girlfriend and she's nice and I think I like her? I don't really know what it's supposed to feel like. I felt like a bad partner for dating her not even telling her i'm genderfluid when she's a lesbian, but weirdly when i told her she didn't even act like she supported me more like it didn't matter. We are both very adhd and it's long distance anyways (just across town because we go to different high schools and we both don't have cars) so we don.t get to talk a lot so i feel like i'm not there for her anyways. Just in all I haven't figured myself out yet when it comes to romantic relationships, I might be on some spectrum of ace. But I'm just so done with people I just might be mixing up my feelings or something? I don't know. Oki thats it :))

At 26, I found myself yet again embroiled in a heated debate with my 80-year-old grandmother during our recent vacation together. Despite the overall joy of our holiday, she couldn't stop lamenting about the difficulties my mother imposes on her life. My grandmother fully supports my mother financially, feeling a duty-bound obligation as she is her daughter. After my ties with my mom weakened at 15, she'd likely be homeless now if not for my grandmother, mainly because she doesn't work and spends her time with questionable acquaintances who lead her to frequent evictions arranged by my grandmother. Every time my grandmother shares her latest troubles, I suggest letting my mom face her own consequences, a sentiment echoed by the rest of the family, yet she never complies.

Exhausted by the repetitive nature of her complaints, I asked her to change the subject, as I have no control over my mother and discussing it only brings me down. She reluctantly agreed and ceased mentioning it - for a while.

The death of my father less than two years ago still weighs heavily on me, yet my grandmother recently repeated a story from 2013—an agreement my father had with my grandparents to partially pay their mortgage, which she claimed disastrously impacted her life. I was only 13 at the time and powerless to influence the situation, nor can I change anything now, especially with my father gone. I urged her to stop rehashing my family's past issues during our time together as it's unchangeable and only reopens old wounds. She stubbornly persisted, labeling it "family history" and "just stating facts."

Frustrated and seeking a different narrative, I asked about my uncle's divorce, a subject she never discussed. She claimed ignorance, which I found hard to believe given her close relationship with him. Accusing her of lying in my aggravation, I tried to disengage from the conversation about my late father, but she persisted.

Afterward, she texted me, restless and upset, criticizing my supposed attack on my uncle, to which I responded that I’d merely sought information on an unfamiliar topic, rather than the same old grievances. I expressed my disappointment in her for speaking ill of my late father and demanded an apology. Unyielding, she bombarded me with texts recounting her maternal sacrifices. Upon her refusal to apologize, I blocked her.

Now, suppose this whole debacle unfolded on a reality TV show. How would the audience react to such a family drama? It might be captivating for viewers to see the raw and real emotional exchanges, but likely many would sympathize with the frustration of dealing with repeated family grievances. Some might argue that private issues should stay private and not be aired publicly, while others might appreciate the authenticity of the conflict.

Am I being too brutal on my grandmother?

They are so concerned if my dating life when they are all gay. They should just move on and get going as they are not perfect after all. A guy who takes 3 years just to wanna meet you is just a fcking waste of time lmao.

Many years ago, when I was just 18, my life took an unexpected turn. Following the tragic death of our parents in a car accident, my elder sister Lily decided to cut all ties with me. At such a critical time when support was paramount, she chose to leave, citing my immaturity and her desire to explore life without burdens. Left alone, I was forced to juggle multiple jobs while attending college, all without any assistance from her.

Recently, however, fortune smiled on me in an unexpected way. I received a significant inheritance from our maternal grandfather. This windfall has truly been a game changer for me in many ways. However, it also marked the return of Lily into my life. It didn’t take long before she began discussing her financial hardships, subtly suggesting how tough things have been for her.

The newfound interest in rekindling our relationship seemed directly tied to my financial status, which did not sit well with me. I confronted her, making it clear that I had no intention of sharing the inheritance. Her reaction was bitter; she called me selfish and ungrateful, emphasizing the importance of family during such exchanges.

Despite the pressures, I’ve remained firm on my decision. Friends have supported me, understanding the complexity and the hurt from past experiences. However, some relatives argue that forgiveness should lead my actions, which has left me questioning the balance between forgiveness and self-respect.

Imagine this scenario being part of a reality show—the dynamics and decisions around familial bonds and financial clashes broadcasted for all to see. How would the audience react to a confrontation where past abandonment is juxtaposed with sudden claims of familial rights driven by monetary gain? Would they rally in support of standing firm against manipulative reconnections, or would they encourage reconciliation regardless of past grievances?

Regardless, the challenge of navigating such waters is extensive. It prompts a broader conversation about the meaning of family and support, especially when tested by circumstances that involve financial gain or loss.

Growing up, my biological family often left much to be desired, leading my sister and I to form a deep bond with our friend, Hannah, and her welcoming family. Over time, they came to be more like parents to us, offering emotional support and even assisting us through college—something I am eternally grateful for. However, a rift began to form earlier this year following a tragic event.

Hannah's father passed away, a man who was much a father to us as well. His passing brought immense sorrow, intensified by the importance his family placed on funeral attendances. In their eyes, missing the funeral was akin to a profound disrespect to both the deceased and the family. Unfortunately, my sister harbors a deep-seated phobia of death and funerals, leading her to decide against attending. Despite my attempts to persuade her, she remained resolute, and the day came and went without her presence.

This decision did not sit well with Hannah's family, especially her mother, who felt personally betrayed. She accused my sister of ingratitude, saying that by not showing up, she had dishonored a man who had done so much for her. Consequently, the family's warmth towards my sister cooled significantly, culminating in her being ostracized. They have since not invited her to their home, and even removed her when she attempted to visit.

Each July, the family hosts a large reunion, which my sister and I have consistently attended in the past. However, this year, only I received an invite. Upon learning this, my sister implored me to skip the gathering in solidarity with her. I found myself torn but ultimately decided to attend, which led to a heated exchange between us. She accused me of being insensitive, while I argued that it was predictable the family would react negatively to her absence at the funeral.

Adding to this, imagine if our situation were part of a reality TV show. Such formats thrive on conflict and emotional drama, and our story provides plenty of both. The cameras would likely zoom in on the family dynamics, perhaps portraying me in a complex light—supportive yet divided between my sister and my adopted family. Viewers would be invited to analyze and debate my decision to attend the reunion, potentially polarizing opinions and sparking widespread discussion regarding loyalty and familial obligations.

How would viewers react if I attended the family reunion on TV?

Living together with my fiancée and her young daughter has its sweet moments, but mealtime has started to become a bit of a battleground recently. As the primary cook in our household, I've always taken the lead on planning and preparing our meals. While I make sure to accommodate their taste preferences, my suggestions have been increasingly met with complaints like, “no, I don’t like that,” or “can we have something else instead?”

Just this evening, pleading for the chance to whip up a simple dish of pasta with homemade tomato sauce felt more challenging than it should.

Earlier today, while we were grocery shopping, I stumbled upon an item I hadn’t enjoyed for over a year. Excited, I pointed it out, only to be met with disdain from my fiancée and a rather unpleasant comment from my stepdaughter, likening the appearance of the food to diarrhea. This remark not only dampened my spirits but also left me feeling rather hurt.

Frustrated, I declared over dinner that they would need to take on the meal planning themselves moving forward. I mentioned that from now on, I could just prepare meals for myself if that would simplify things.

Suppose my ordeal was featured on a reality show. In that scenario, I can only imagine the varied reactions of the audience. Some might empathize with my frustration over the lack of appreciation for my cooking efforts, while others could argue that I overreacted by deciding to step back from cooking for the family. It would certainly spark a lively debate among viewers, each siding differently based on their personal views on family dynamics and responsibilities.

How do you see my reaction in the situation? Was I right?

Am I the problem? I've been asking that question all day. Every time I feel like I'm helping/trying too or protecting/caring for my friends/people it seems to never work or I cause problems more, more stress and more drama. Sometimes I don't even mean to hurt I'm just trying to fix things

maybe it some weird thing I do but every time I do something I think/Be live is right or helping it doesn't seem to work out and in the end I lose people more or I end up making wounds bigger and deeper. I've lost friendships and relationships to my "mess ups" so I get hated or hurt myself because I don't mean harm, sometimes I can be a lot but really all I want to do is heal and care for people, maybe I'm to "helpful" maybe I "cause the drama" maybe I'm not supposed to help and maybe I'm meant to be something different. I want to be happy and help others find the joy I found but maybe I've got it all wrong maybe people don't need me or want help and maybe I'm trying to fill some void that's been empty for years.

in the posses of "helping" You end up losing more than you "gain" overall...

To anyone who knows me/finds this. I'm so flipping sorry for trying to be something you don't need. I'm sorry for making it worse. you can fight me, hate me, say whatever you want to because clearly I'm meant to have a different story then I thought.

ur thoughts?..

i don’t even know why I’m so nervous after all these years, maybe because I’m 54 now and everything feels more fragile, even the things I thought I had figured out. I’ve been working in this company for more than 20 years, through restructurations, new managements, endless workflow updates and all the “as per our last email” nonsense that comes with corporate life. and now that I finally have something for myself, my little office at home, the massage table set up, the kinesiology charts pinned on the wall, my magnets sorted in a drawer like some kind of treasure chest, I’m scared stiff of telling my boss I’m quiting. Isn’t that stupid? after two decades of performance reviews, KPI check-ins, regular compliance training and being told I’m “a strong asset”, I should be able to say one simple thing: “I’m leaving.” But he likes the job I do, he always says it, sometimes I even think he relies too much on me. And he doesn’t believe in kinesiology at all, he once called it “that body energy thingy you see on TV” and laughed. So how do I bring this up without sounding like I’ve lost my mind, or like I’m running away from the whole production chain just to go hug crystals ✨?

The weirdest thing is, I’m not unsure about the choice itself. I’m ready. really ready. I’ve read so many books, done trainings, passed exams, practiced on friends, even did a few sessions with co-workers who were brave enough to let me test muscle responses on them. One of them told me, “Honestly, it kinda worked,” which is still my favorite feedback ever. I’ve been doing the logistics too, registering my activity, checking insurance requirements, planning the client intake forms, trying to figure out how to explain muscle testing without sounding like a witch. everything is in place, even the scent diffuser that smells like eucalyptus went crazy last night for some reason. And yet, I freeze every time I imagine the conversation with my boss. He’s not a bad guy, just very...pragmatick. “Evidence-based or nothing,” he told me once when we were talking about stress. I know he’ll look at me like I told him I’m leaving to go join a circus. Should I try small talk first? Should I just say it straight? have you ever had to quit a job when the person in charge thinks your next career is bogus; because that’s exactly my situation and I feel like I’m rehearsing a script that won’t sound right no matter what?

Another part of me still remembers the early days when I was doing data-entry and he was still learning the ropes himself. there was this one time, during a big audit, where I stayed until midnight to help clean up the regulatory documentatoin, and he told everyone the next day, “She saved our asses.” That stuck with me for years, maybe too much. maybe that’s why I feel like announcing my departure is like betraying some old unwriten pact. But I can’t spend the rest of my life worrying about whether someone else is disappointed because I want to follow my own path. I’ve spent over two decades dealing with supply chain anomalies, preparing monthly reports, making sure the backoffice processes don’t collapse over a missing signature, and honestly it’s enough. My body is tired. My shoulders are constantly tight. last winter, I kept thinking, “If I’m helping everyone else stay on track, who’s helping me?” That was the moment I knew something had to change, even if the change made no sens to anyone else. My sister even told me, “At your age, people slow down, not start new weird careers.” But I’m not slowing down, I’m redirecting. Isn’t that allowed?

So now I’m drafting the resignatoin letter, with typos everywhere because my hands are shaking like an idiot. I wrote, “Thank you for the opprotunity,” and didn’t even correct it yet. maybe it shows how human this all is. Maybe it’s fine. The real challenge is deciding whether to explain everything or keep it short. Do I say “I’m becoming a kinesiologist and magnetizer,” or do I just say “pursuing a personnal project”? I keep hearing his voice saying, “We need you in the Q3 cycle,” and I know the timing sucks, but if I don’t do it now, I’ll never do it. life isn’t waiting for the perfect slot in the operational calendar; and neither am I. I keep thinking of that line from a book I read years ago: “Sometimes the door is open, but you have to be the one who walks through.” So maybe that’s what I’ll do. maybe I’ll sit down in his office, smile politely, and say, “I need to talk to you about something important.” And then I’ll just breathe and hope the world doesn’t fall appart. After all, if I can help clients align their energies, surely I can survive telling one man I’m moving on. Right?

I think I have an website idea, (or SAAS) and I think it has potential, but I’m not too good of making websites, so my question is that is there a way I can find someone who is willing to do like I partnership, like idk how to explain it. Like they will NOT be getting paid first cause it’s not ur typical employment, like we both could like own the website they design and build it . I give ideas. They could even give ideas. Since we both own it. Like abd then when it actually starts making money we both have the income . So at first we both will be working on the website and we will just see how it grows. I am tryna find this person online