Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I’m just sitting here, scrolling through photos of my husband, and honestly, it can get pretty lonely sometimes. Like, don’t get me wrong, I’m super proud of him; he’s out there serving and doing what he loves, but when I think about how my day-to-day looks compared to his, it feels like we’re living in separate worlds. I’m 27, and I just live in this small town, working my job, going to the gym, and hanging out with friends on weekends, but I always come home to an empty house. I mean, I’ve got my dog, and he’s a great buddy, but it's just not the same, you know? Plus, I miss all those little things we used to do together, like cooking dinner or binge-watching our favorite shows. Now, most nights, I just end up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, scrolling through Netflix, saying, “Wow, this would’ve been fun with him." 😔

I think one of the hardest parts is when I see everyone else enjoying their relationships. I mean, my friends will post those cute couple pics, and I’m really happy for them, but it hits different when you’re in a relationship but still feel alone. Every now and then, I catch myself staring at his empty side of the bed and wishing things were different. Just last week, I had a pretty rough day at work—I was all stressed out, and all I wanted was to talk to him. I picked up my phone, but then it hit me again that it was just going to be a short voice message. I mean, I’d pour my heart out, and he wouldn’t hear it until who knows when; it’s tough feeling so far away. But I try to focus on the good things, like keeping a journal where I write letters to him. It feels therapeutic, and maybe one day he’ll read them and just realize how much I miss him, you know?

For me, being a military spouse is a mixed bag; there are days when the loneliness just kind of creeps in, but I also find ways to stay connected. I set reminders for us to FaceTime at least once a week, and those little chats really make it worth it. I’ve started finding little hobbies too, like painting, which helps me work through feelings and express myself. It’s like a little escape right at home when I can’t be with him. Maybe you’ve found yourself feeling lonely in your relationship too? I hope to hold onto that hope that this phase will get better and that one day, we’ll have more time together. It’s all about the little moments we create, even from miles away; I just need to hang in there and keep looking forward to when we’ll finally be together again.

You don’t really know it’s toxic when you’re a kid. It’s just your normal. You think everyone’s house is like this, that every kid walks on eggshells, trying not to set someone off. That it’s normal to feel your stomach drop when you hear a car pull in the driveway. That it’s just how things are when conversations go from 0 to screaming in seconds. But then you grow up, and you start seeing things differently. You hear your friends talk about their parents, the way they support them, how they actually listen when they have a problem, and it hits you—your childhood was not normal. It was not okay. And suddenly, everything you tried to ignorre, to downplay, to make excuses for, comes rushing back.

One of the biggest signs you grew up in a toxic family? You don’t know how to take a compliment. When someone says something nice about you, your first instinct is to brush it off, to laugh awkwardly, to assume they’re just being polite. Because you spent years being told you weren’t enough. Not smart enough, not good enough, not anything enough. And now, even when you know better, it’s like your brain refuses to accept that maybe, just maybe, you’re actually worth something. Instead, you’re always waiting for the but. The insult that follows the rare compliment. "You did well on that test, but don’t get cocky." "You look nice today, but too bad you don’t dress like that all the time." So when someone is genuinely kind to you, you feel uncomfortable. Like it’s a trick. Like love and approval are things you have to earn, not just something you get for existing.

Another sign? You apologize. Constantly. For everything. Even thiings that aren’t your fault. You say sorry when someone bumps into you. You say sorry when you ask a question, when you talk too much, when you take up space. Because growing up, you learned that the smallest mistake could set someone off, that your feelings weren’t valid unless they were convenient for everyone else. So you learned to shrink yourself. To be small. To be invisible. And now, even when no one is mad at you, you still feel like you’re in trouble. Like at any moment, someone’s going to yell, to criticize, to make you feel like a burden. And the worst part? Half the time, you don’t even realize you’re doing it. It’s just who you are now.

And then there’s trust. Or, well, lack of it. Because when the people who were supposed to protect you, love you, make you feel safe, were the same ones who hurt you, lied to you, manipulated you… how are you supposed to just trust anyone? How are you supposed to believe people mean what they say, that they won’t turn on you the second you let your guard down? You don’t. Instead, you assume everyone has a hidden agenda. That every act of kindness has a cost. That no one stays, not really. And so, you keep your distance. You let people in just enough to not be alone, but never enough that they could actually hurt you. And maybe one day, you’ll learn how to unlearn all of this. How to stop waiting for the worst to happen. How to believe that love doesn’t have to be painful. But right now? Right now, you’re just trying to get through the day without feeling like you’re still stuck in a house you left years ago. 😓

At this point, I don't know what to do. I just want help, school is really getting to me, and it makes me feel like I'm pathetic or something. My family thinks it's just cause I'm lazy, and don't want to do the work, but I'm really just trying to deal with my mental health at the moment and it feels like it's only getting worse. I really just want help, and don't want to go to school, I end up crying every morning because of it, I don't have friends, and I realized I get distracted in class by how much people are in the room and can't help but feel like everyone talks behind my back, or looking at me. This probably takes place from when I got bullied in elementary school, they all talked behind my back, and I had to sit outside beside the classroom while they were talking about me, right beside me. I thought giving one of them money would make them closer to me but she ended up being the one that started talking behind my back first. I started homeschooling because of it, for a couple years, and moved to a different school. I don't know what to do with me life, I can't help but feel no one gaf about me, and they'll only care if I'm gone. I have lots of trouble making friends, and interacting with people, I have one person who makes me feel seen, and like they care, he's super sweet, he makes me feel like a person, and makes me wanna become a better person. But for now I don't know what to do. It's the same cycle, where I end up in a really depressed sate for a whole week, then feel better, then depressed all over again, I just want help

In January of this year, I went out clubbing with my boyfriend and an ex-friend. When we arrived, my boyfriend asked my ex-friend if she had an edible, and she gave him one. He consumed half of it, usually less than what he usually takes because he is attentive to us. He would normally eat a whole edible, sometimes even two. My friend and I pre-gamed as usual and went into the club. About 30 minutes later, my boyfriend said he needed to go to the bathroom. About half an hour passed, and he never returned, so we started calling and texting him and eventually went looking for him. We found him semi-conscious and very sick in a bathroom stall. He asked to be left alone to throw up and said he’d be okay.

At that point, my ex-friend began to panic about how we would get him home and started texting her boyfriend. I introduced them to each other, and they had only been dating for about two months at the time of this incident. He was not supportive and essentially blamed her for the situation. He said this was the "consequences of our actions" and screenshotted their conversation. She started crying, saying she "hates when he gets like this." I tried to help her communicate with him but realized it was no use, so I reached out to a separate friend who agreed to pick us up. Meanwhile, the club’s security saw that my boyfriend was not doing well and gave him water. Eventually, he made it outside on his own and continued throwing up. I checked in with him, and he told me to go back in and enjoy the night, so I tried to relax a bit while waiting for our ride. During that time, my ex-friend didn’t say anything supportive and stayed cold and distant. I will admit I got upset in the heat of the moment and called her a bitch, but I instantly apologized because I realized she was probably hurt over her boyfriend's actions.

Once our ride arrived, we left. My boyfriend threw up a bit more, but after getting food, he started to feel much better. We ensured he didn’t drive, and everyone got home safely. On the way home, my ex-friend said she was canceling all her birthday plans (her b-day was the following weekend), including with her boyfriend, and didn’t want to celebrate anymore. The next day, I sent a message to both of them apologizing if I had said or done anything wrong while drunk and expressed how glad I was that we made safe choices. My boyfriend responded, took accountability, and we worked through it. My ex-friend, however, ghosted me and never responded. She remained active on social media the whole time but ignored me. Her boyfriend contacted me asking if I had heard from her, which I didn't, but I told him I would let him know. About two days later, she finally replied saying she didn’t think things between us would ever be the same. She claimed she felt alone that night, had to be responsible for getting us home, and said she no longer wanted a friendship with my boyfriend because he had called her toxic. He did admit that he texted her multiple times, worried for her, and he did call her toxic for refusing to at least let us know that she was there. I responded respectfully, pointing out that I had actually arranged the ride home, and her boyfriend hadn’t been concerned for our safety. I also said that if she needed space, she could’ve just said that instead of ignoring me. She responded with a short, dismissive message and never followed up.

I later reached out wishing her a happy birthday in hopes that maybe we could try to patch things up. She replied with a short “thank you,” and has continued to ghost me since then. She’s been active and went on to celebrate her birthday with her boyfriend, despite previously saying she wouldn’t be doing anything. She’s made zero effort to reconnect or talk things out, yet seemed to have instantly taken him back and was willing to work through their issues. On a side note, I have a friend who owns a dispensary and strongly believes my boyfriend’s reaction was due to being laced, especially given how extreme it was in comparison to his usual tolerance. I don't really want to believe this was the reality and sadly we'll never know. All we know is that her boyfriend had given her said edible and she claimed it was from a dispensary.

I’m still deeply hurt by the situation and am just trying to find closure since it's evident she won't be providing it. Her and I have gone through a lot together, and it hurts knowing that she's willing to throw it all away yet accept a man she's barley known. It is her first relationship so I kinda understand but I'm still hurt. I started to reflect on the way she had been treating me and I feel like there may have been signs. When she started dating him, she would take him to go do plans her and I made. I would always beg her to play video games with me, yet she'd go offline mode and play with him. I even made a "joke" about feeling replaced and she kinda ignored it. I've spoken to many friends about the incident and many just tell me she was/is a crappy friend and to move on. But I guess it hurts knowing someone who I wanted to be in my life forever would do this to me. If you've read this far, thank you.

You wander through the foggy streets

Wondering if anyone's noticed

Your thoughts circling around and around

You walk and walk

Not sure where your going

Or what your plan is

You just want to run

It starts to rain

You look up

Letting the symphony of falling water wash over you

You scream

The world not hearing you

They've never heard you

They never will

You watch the sun awaken from its slumber

Hearing them screaming out your name

Yelling for you to come home

You stand up

Wipe your muddy hands

Wipe your cascading eyes

And run and run

Hoping you'll run off the planet

One day hopefully

It's no longer anonymous for me. I started venting here because I could get advice from people who don't know me. But someone who does know me knows my so-called "anonymous" username somehow, and I know his. I'm switching to a different anonymous venting site, where I can use a different username for each vent. I'm not telling where, for my privacy. Peace out people.

i used to measure love by uptime. how often he was available. how quickly he responded. how stable the connection felt. back when we were solid, the system had low latency and high trust. lately the signals degrade. he still shows up but with packet loss. conversations drop. affection throttles. i remember one night when i talked about my day and he nodded like a dashboard alert he planned to ignore. i told myself it was just load, just stress. emotional labor can spike during rough sprints. but then the small regressions stacked. fewer check-ins. no curiosity. compliments deprecated without notice. love used to feel like a product in active development. now it feels like maintenance mode. i started logging incidents in my head. when he stopped asking follow-up questions. when dates turned into calendar placeholders. when i felt like a stakeholder instead of a partner. have you ever noticed how silence can be louder than conflict. i did. the absence of friction felt like disengagement. still, i kept hope because hope is a renewable resource if you manage it well.

another sign arrived as scope creep. my needs were reframed as feature requests with no roadmap. he said he loved me but the actions lacked version control. promises rolled back. accountability diffused. once, i asked for reassurance and he responded with efficiency jargon, saying feelings were subjective and hard to quantify; i laughed it off then cried later. intimacy requires bandwidth. his was consumed elsewhere. when affection becomes transactional you feel it in the metrics. hugs with time limits. texts optimized for brevity. sex without aftercare. i remember sitting on the couch thinking about attachment styles and feedback loops. i wondered if i was misreading the data. maybe i was biased. maybe the noise drowned the signal. but my gut kept flagging anomalies. i asked myself a simple question. if this were a service, would i renew. the answer scared me. i still loved him but love without reciprocity is technical debt; it compounds quietly until the system fails. that thought hurt but it also clarified things.

the hopeful part came when i stopped chasing patches and started designing my own architecture. i talked to him honestly, without blame, using plain language. i said i felt unloved. he listened, truly, for a moment. maybe it was too late for us. maybe it was the first step. either way, i learned the signs are not punishments. they are signals. they help you pivot. i began investing in myself. better routines. stronger boundaries. community support. i noticed how my mood stabilized when i stopped overclocking my heart. love should be scalable and resilient. if he couldn’t meet me there, someone else could, including me. i still believe people can reconnect if they commit to refactoring together. i also believe walking away can be an act of love. if you are reading this and nodding, ask yourself what your system needs right now. clarity. rest. courage. whatever you choose, choose with hope.

Hello everybody,

Recently, I became the owner of my maternal grandmother's house, a generous inheritance that felt like winning the lottery. This beautiful home, located a mere hop from the city outskirts, is a perfect sanctuary for my husband, our two children, and myself. Considering our combined income, purchasing a similar property would have been an impossible dream due to the sky-high prices in the real estate market. We're both careful with money, but sometimes, even careful planning isn't enough to compete against such a tough housing landscape.

My half-sister, Mia, shares the same father as me, and we’ve maintained a close, supportive relationship over the years. Recently, Mia secured a job in her dream field right in the bustling city center. Despite the job's appeal, the salary isn’t enough to cover city center rents, and commuting from farther away wouldn't make financial sense either.

When Mia asked to move in with us while she got established, it seemed like a great solution for everyone. She was enthusiastic about contributing to household chores and mentioned she’d be saving money to move out eventually. I was happy to help by offering her the guest room.

Mia has been living with us for about a month, busily settling into her new position. Until now, everything ran smoothly. Occasionally, I would need her to assist with family responsibilities, such as preparing dinner or putting the kids to bed on nights when my husband and I were delayed at work, and she managed well.

However, a recent incident created some friction. Our youngest child fell ill at school and needed to be picked up. I couldn't leave work immediately due to severe train delays, and my husband was unreachable. Since we live just five minutes away from the school, I texted Mia, who was working from home that day, to see if she could help out. Her response was that she’d try to manage it after her meetings ended. This upset me because it seemed she wasn't prioritizing an urgent family need.

I asked her to explain to her boss that this was a family emergency and that she needed a short break to collect her niece, making it clear she could return to her tasks right after. Mia retorted that her workday was still packed, and she couldn't spare time for unexpected childcare duties.

Our conversation escalated as I reminded her of her promise to help around the house, to which she countered that she wasn’t just free labor. Currently, the atmosphere at home is strained, and I feel stuck in a difficult position.

Imagine if this family tension played out on a reality show. The reactions from audiences would be intense and divided. Some might sympathize with the pressure Mia feels juggling a new job and familial expectations, while others might praise or criticize my insistence on immediate family support during emergencies.

What do you think? I want other opinions to help me...

“Things I’ve been called/and/or/talked about or have over heard.

Fat lesbian

Annoying

Uncomfortable

Loud

Bitchy

Gay

Weirdo

“I fucking hate your personality.”

“I’d rather turn my wrist into a waterfall then talk to you”

“It’s not that serious”

“Why do you even care?”

“I would never order a whole pizza for myself.”

“What did you say? I wasn’t listening.”

“Oh her? Yea she’s a fucking fat lesbian.”

“Go ask her out! It’ll be funny.”

“Oh shut up I know you’re lying.”

And then sent a note to my therapist.

“ I’m feeling really suicidal and I’m just finding more and more stuff out and it’s just making it so much worse. I’ve been crying all week and no one to talk to. I’m scared to go to school, I’m scared of confrontation, im scared of looking people in the eyes in the hallway, I’m trying so hard. Way too hard. I’m slowly starting to go non-verbal and I haven’t said a word to anyone since Thursday. I’m pushing everyone out because I’m afraid to annoy them or be too much, my personality has completely changed and now even Lenny’s talking about me, I feel like no one really likes me and I’m freaking out every time I’m in a class with people I know for sure don’t like me and I start going non verbal and I have been skipping class because I know no one in there likes me in the slightest bit and I’ve been skipping classes because of people in there, when I lost my earbud on Thursday I started hyperventilating and I had a panic attack because I couldn’t listen to music. I’m turning my personality completely around and I can’t stand it. I live for talking, if I could I would talk to a deaf person in sign language just to talk some more. I only ever remember me being a sweet, kind, caring, talkitive girl. I thought I was pretty, I thought I would be liked. I completely changed everything just to be liked and it all was lost. All of my achievements are gone and I have to restart. I can’t think of any other way to dress, to wear makeup, how to talk, what words to use, what slag to use I have no idea how.i want to go back to my 5th grade self when literally everyone liked me and knew who I was and loved me. I don’t even have my own small group of friends anymore. ”

I've struggled with weight issues and eating ever since I was 9, I'm 15 now and I'm now kinda of aware I ain't fat but I feel it. It was never that bad but now the last 4 months it's gotten so bad, i eat a bit and feel like I've js ate a whole buffet and I get so bloated I geniunely feel like I could explode, the smells of my fav foods makes me feel sick, the sight, smell, even hearing ppl talking abt food makes me feel sick, idk if I have an ed but im struggling sm rn, I barely eat cuz I just can't, I had some watermelon like 6 hours ago I still feel bloated and sick as fuck, this first started when I wanted to lose weight but now I've lost some and I feel okay in my body but I js can't bring myself to eat. and then my mum she never understands istg she said "u cant js starve urself for 10+ hours (she said this bc from the time I wake up to coming back from school (5pm) I don't eat anything) and then go n drink energy drinks n chocolate" I bought chocolate today. it's been weeks. she's js making me feel worse saying I need to eat protein n not stuff my face in chocolate like what. she used to be so understanding n now she says this? ig what I'm tryna say is what can I do to feel normal again and be able to eat? even water makes me sick. idk what to do anymore.

As a 16-year-old keen on expanding my collection of gaming merchandise, I sought recommendations and was directed to an acquaintance, whom we'll refer to as M. After some discussion, we decided I'd pay in bi-weekly installments, or even sooner if possible. Over a few days, our conversations deepened to personal life and health issues. M shared similar past experiences, which built some trust.

I proceeded with the first payment via a gift card, which M claimed was unusable as it had been redeemed. Confused, I checked with customer support who confirmed its redemption. Believing M’s claim and supporting screenshots, I reluctantly sent an additional $25 provided by my partner. Following this, M ceased communication until a brief and unsettling response the following evening. Frustrated, I confronted them harshly and blocked them. My partner and another friend tried to mediate, only to discover M, who was actually 12, admitted to wrongly keeping the money but had already spent it. M's apology, coerced by my friend, felt hollow since I was left without recourse.

Consulting my partner's aunt, a trip to small claims court seemed viable. I informed M of my intent to pursue legal action and to involve the police. My decision has since isolated me from the friend who initially recommended M, leaving me to question if my response was too severe for a minor over a partially self-inflicted loss.

Imagine the drama if this was all unfolding on a reality show! The cameras capturing every furious message exchange, the tense meetings with friends and family deliberating the next step, and that climactic moment of deciding to take legal action—all peppered with suspenseful music and close-ups. Viewers would likely be on the edge of their seats, debating my choices and the moral dilemma of pursuing justice against a minor.

I might be asking myself: Am I overreacting to a childish mistake?

So I do edibles sometimes and recently got in contact with a new dealer.

He sees me and thinks I’m cute, thanks, nothing I haven’t heard before.

He’s 22 while I’m 17 which is effing gross. I’m not a stupid teen he thinks he can groom, I don’t like him, I just want some edibles to relax and distress from school.

But he’s here in my chat talking about, im sweet, im nice, im simple.

I don’t care if you are. I’m not getting in a relationship with you.

I just want some weed man, I wanna cry, this is so gross.

I’d just block him but because I know he likes me I just know I’m gonna get dirt cheap weed.

I just can’t stand it, don’t you have morals? I’m still in school.

I’m young, but not young enough where I’m selfish or make fun of kids. But I’m not grown enough to do things without being told “your way to young to be even thinking about doing something like that”. But I have a massive heart. I really hate it sometimes, for example, this one kid, small about 4’11 maybe shorter, super skinny, red head, loves dinosaurs and kid things, (he’s around 11-13) his heart definitely hasn’t even been scratched. Super sweet kid, mostly quiet, reminds me of my younger siblings. I was volunteering at a school musical and he was there. First couple days he didn’t have a lunch or dinner ( the musical stayed from 3pm-7pm and dinner was at 630pm and we left at 7pm) he always looked so hungry and was always eyeing everyone’s food like he was starving, I felt so bad I started crying and I felt so bad even though I had nothing to do with it. Then his parent didn’t pick him up (I leave at 8pm) and I felt so bad. Like my heart was aching so badly for him. He looked so sad and disappointed that no one picked him up yet. I feel so bad for him and want to help him or eat lunch with him or get him lunch. But I act all tough infront of my friends and I just can’t bring myself to help or do anything. He’s a super sweet kid and I just wanna give him a huge hug.

Confession

So, I want to start by saying this is 100% a real experience I’m going through. And although it is s*xual in nature it is NOT just some s*xual post by someone trying to get off through the comments. Anyways. 3 years ago my fiancé passed away suddenly after being with each other since we were teenagers. She was 26. We had the most connected and comfortable s*xual relationship that it’s humanly possible. We knew what each other wanted, we were comfortable exploring any and everything DEEP in our minds, no matter how “weird” it got. It was incredible. And not to mention she was BEAUTIFUL. And I know every man says that about their partner but it’s different when they actually are attractive on a level where they could have ANYONE they want. She was mixed. Light skin. 5’5 145 lbs with curves everywhere. Just perfect. Anyways, since her passing. It has been hell for me emotional but also sexually. Just how connected we were with it in general makes me think it’ll never happen again. That I’ll never be as attracted or mentally-s*xual able to explore anyone’s mind like hers again. Moving on, after so long with not only missing her touch, but a females presence or touch at all, it’s been brutal. And I’m a pretty good looking guy. 6’5 230 lbs. Long hair. And I’m not bragging I’m just saying, this isn’t a case of a guy who just can’t attract women. Never had a problem. Moving on. Pleasuring myself has even been difficult do to me thinking of her and even using p*rn is hard to do because we use to watch it together and very shortly after trying to take care of my natural urges, I slowing lose the RISE and ability to finish due to the thoughts. And do to that, its been over 2 years since I have “released”by taking care of it myself. Still I have very sexual dreams. To the point I wake up VERY…uncontrollably throbbing, only to have the same outcome of thinking of her and losing the ability. It’s been torture. I know that a females touch and help would probably fix this over time, but the women I HAVE connected with and hung out with just weren’t the same and it quickly ended due to me just not feeling it. So here’s where it gets kind of “weird” but it’s just truth and I have to get SOMEBODY to hear me even if it’s anonymous. So it’s been 3 years and over 2 years since I’ve had any relief at all. Recently, I’ve been having dreams OF ME DREAMING, waking up hard, and my mom coming in to help me, tells me to close my eyes and just think of it as a mother helping her son. No different than helping her son get dressed or feeding your child as a mother when young. And usually not long after, I wake up and think to myself, OMG how weird and usually my hardness fades away quick and I try and erase it from my mind. But it’s been happening almost EVERY NIGHT now, after increasing more and more. The only difference is, now, I find myself actually thinking about how it would feel, and while it not being anything about actual sex, or being exactly like it was with my fiancé, but maybe it’s just the “being taken care of, and the nurturing part of it, that is making me actually think of acting upon it. And my mom was a cheerleader. Very beautiful even now in her late 40s. She and my dad divorced when I was really young. And I know what you’re thinking. This is probably some fetish post or something but it’s genuinely not. This IS REAL. So, moving on. My last dream, I remembered something my mom said to me some time ago, when I fell asleep on the couch at her house (the one I grew up in) and evidently had a huge bulge in my pants while sleeping. She woke me up to tell me and I was super embarrassed, and she said “it’s fine, hun! Nothing I haven’t seen before. You use to get like that even when you were little you were like that all the time” and while I know she wasn’t talking about touching me. It just made me think. How would I actually go about even coming close to getting on this subject with her and telling her about the hell im going through with all this sexual tension and not just wanting to hire some hooker or something to do it. And I thought to myself. What it, when my mom texts me (usually every day or two) and asks me how I’m doing. What if I tell her the truth about what’s going on with my waking up throbbing and all the tension. Literally bothering my life. Just to see what she would say? Maybe she’d say “well why don’t you take care of that” just being funny or something, which could open the door for me to explain to her how I can’t because of the immediate thought of my late fiancé, and how the thought of doing it myself, and not her helping me, immediately stops my ability to do it. Ya know JUST to see what she would say. This is all new to me and again, I’m not some weirdo that is just having a taboo fantasy. And I’m IN NO WAY insinuating ACTUAL S*X with her. This is just something I’m legitimately dealing with. What should I do? It’s getting EXCRUCIATING and I can’t stop thinking about it. God the relief I would feel if I could just ACTUALLY have this happen and feel nurturing love again, someone genuinely wanting me to have relief, making it happen, for ME, again. Even if it’s like this. Thanks for listening.

So, you know how when you're a teenager, your brain is rewiring itself as well? Like, your prefrontal cortex is very slowly maturing, unlike the amygdala with already matures. That means since the amygdala is a very emotional and hyperactive organ, it causes us to do more impulsive things than rational ones. No wonder at 13 I feel so angry, reckless, sad and anxious. Those emotions are shameful, they make me savage and horrid. I wish I had better control of myself. It makes me focus on one thing, usually shallow stuff, and forget the other, like an idiot. That's why I finish certain homework and not some. That's why say something horrible and regret it. I hate my brain, I wish I was more mature and less angry and chaotic. I've heard certain drugs like Xanax work as they reduce amygdala activity and soothe you, make you more relaxed and less anxious. They do that, right? And I heard that cutting my skin works by releasing endorphins, which will also soothe me. I hate my body, I hate how ugly and out of control I am right now. The drugs and cutting will fix me, in theory, they work I just know it. So please, I don't think I'm shameful, I think I'll be smart and lucky and not get addicted.