Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

first of all, i dont actually have any really bad problems so you dont have to feel bad for me.

I feel like me friendships end up the same alot of the times, by them treating me badly, for example this one friend group im apart of is the kind where everyone is cussing about eachother but we all know we are joking most of the time, but then when there is actually some drama im apart of, i know what would hurt a person but i just dont wanna do that and they just say the most bad thing about me. I feel like almost everyone friend group im apart of is this kind of where everyone is always shittakking eachother but j just want to be apart of one where everyone respects eachother, of course a joke sometimes is completely ok but im so tired of constantly getting shitted on. Why do people always stab so much where it hurts? Do they not know, or do they do it on purpose. This had happend to me in 3 friend groups and im starting to feel like its problem on my side, im thinking for some time i fould be having paranoid personality disorder, should i talk to a psychiatrist? Is it my fault? Please, i will value advice

PS: also sorry if its quite chaotic

My girlfriend and I (I'm also a girl btw) have been dating for a year and ½ now, and for the first 11 months it was great. We loved each other, and we were comfortable around each other, and we felt safe. We would show physical affection daily, and it was both of our love languages. We would spend so much time together.

But then the bullying started. It was a range of homophobic comments and slurs, to even my girlfriend getting physically attacked by one of these people. The bullying was sorted out a few months back, but things haven't been the same since. Me and my griflriend haven't held hands in months. We haven't shown any physical affection in months. My girlfriend doesn't tell me everything anymore and we've just drifted apart. Because ever since the bullying we've been too scared too be ourselves again. And it hurts me so much because I want to hold her hand, to hug her but she is too scared now because of the homophobia. I understand but it stil hurts.

I still love her but i think all the bullying changed her, and we both know she doesn't feel that way anymore. We haven't broken up though because both of us have been too scared to say it.

I feel so alone because she was the one person who knew everything about me, who still loved me and now we're so distant.

Yea that's right. I feel like dying in my family. No one understands me. My mother has constantly abused me, beaten me up, given me so many bruises ever since I was young. I got headfalls. I used to get burnt with spoons heated on stoves when I was young. If I would ever talk about going out, like playing outside, or asking them for something to eat or anything, I would constantly get beaten up. My dad would never do anything. He would just stand there on a corner and say, bear with it, as if he's consenting to whatever is happening to me right now with my mother. It has always made me feel like I don't belong here. They just gave birth to me for the sake of it, for producing a child and to compete with the family. Ever since I was young, I used to get beaten up every single day for the most childish reasons. One time, I went to school and came back and didn't study and said that I'm going to go out and play and didn't come back for after the, you know, curfew time. My mother just locked me up outside for like half an hour and I just got so scared and anxious because she used to say that, she used to threaten me that people would rape me, that men would kidnap me and rape me when I was that young. I was like in fourth grade. Imagine saying that to a fourth grader, let alone your own child. It just broke me. Completely. I got extremely tired of staying here. Now I finally have the chance of moving out this country itself, if i won't get it, idk what i might do to myself.

hey, so i'm sitting here going out of my mind with all these worries. i'm a mum with two boys, 13 and 15, and i can't stop thinking about what kind of world they're gonna be facing in the future. like, how the hell are they gonna find a job when AI is taking over everything? am i alone in this? i mean, everywhere i look, it's robots this, automation that, and it's got me wondering what kind of job market's gonna be left for my boys. maybe you've read articles or seen those doomsday predictions about robots turning us humans obsolete? it's not a peaceful thought. schools don't seem to prepare them for a future where creativity and humanity are the only things machines can't replicate. 🤔 and let's not even talk about the pressure these kids face, like, how can they compete with an algorithm that never sleeps, never gets tired? it just feels like a losing battle, and i don't know if i'm supposed to tell them to shovel coal or learn coding at this point.

plus, it's not just the job market, right? everything just feels like it's spiraling out of control. we're dealing with all this climate change craziness, and who knows what kind of world they'll inherit. i sometimes wonder if i should just be teaching them wilderness survival skills instead of algebra. it's hard not to feel like, what's the point? even my parents and their endless wisdom have no clue what's coming next—they're baffled by smartphones, so imagine trying to explain AI threats to them. 🤦‍♀️ you ever feel like you're in an episode of 'black mirror,' but there's no fast-forward button, just gotta wait it out? and the school systems? don't even get me started! schools are still teaching stuff that's been outdated since i was a kid. honestly, who needs cursive writing now? it's just like, come on, shouldn't we be focusing on skills that'll actually help them survive in the future?

man, it would be fantastic if i could just flip a switch and not worry. but seriously, how can you not worry about the future when every headline, every news article just screams apocalypse? i mean, even podcasts, which were my go-to escape, have turned into these doom and gloom fest about the tech-dystopia we're supposedly heading into. 😩 and social media? forget it, it's like living in a constant state of anxiety with everyone just adding more fuel to the fire. maybe i need to start dosing myself on some ignorance is bliss, but then again, can you really afford to be ignorant in a world that changes so damn fast? so if you're out here thinking it's just you—nah, mate, we're all riding this storm out together, just trying to figure out how not to lose our marbles in the process.

There I was, part of my dear friend Julie's bridal party. Julie has always had a bit of a tough time with money, but despite this, she's in the midst of planning her dream wedding.

Initially, she requested that we, the bridesmaids, cover the cost of our dresses. We agreed without hesitation. However, the financial asks didn't stop there; next was the bouquets. Eager to assist, I didn’t object until I learned they would cost a whopping $130 each! It turned out that Julie had her heart set on the most lavish bouquets available. I even proposed putting together the bouquets myself to cut costs, but she was adamant about getting the ones she had selected.

Among the bridesmaids, I'm the youngest, just stepping into my 20s, and perhaps because of this, I felt the financial pinch more sharply. Although a few others also seemed displeased with the escalating costs, I was the lone voice that addressed our concerns with Julie. I approached her gently, explaining my financial constraints and questioning the rationale behind spending so much on flowers that would only last the day.

To my dismay, my input wasn’t received well. Julie decided to exclude me from the bridal party altogether, relegating me to just the “after party” guest list before eventually withdrawing that invitation too. Now, I'm left bewildered by the turn of events, questioning if I was unreasonable.

Imagine if this scenario unfolded on a reality TV show! The cameras would zoom in on the dramatic split between once-close friends over wedding expenses, capturing every heated exchange and tearful confession. Viewers would likely be split, some sympathizing with my financial caution and others siding with the bride’s vision for her special day. Reality TV thrives on such conflict, and this situation could easily be a pivotal episode, sparking debates and discussions across social media platforms.

I'm left wondering, was I really being unreasonable, or just mindful of my own financial limits?

Sorry but she looks like a bridezilla here...

I'm done. Lol . Someone sent me a perhaps goodbye message but I am not quite sure if it was a goodbye text or whatever lol. What's weird is that he sent it after awhile of not being able to communicate with each other. For quite sometime. maybe perhaps another way of gaslighting me? Why would u even send a message if you are just saying goodbye? Lol I had enough of this drama I am DONE

i want to hit my head against a wall until my brain spills out. i'd bend over, crumpling down to the floor with a newfound lightness. my hands would reach out, towards the lump of misshapen meat on the carpet, grasping at the stem. i'd pull. and pull. and pull and pull. it would unwind in my hands, onto the floor like a spool of red thread. decorated along the pink tissue would be miniscule lines. microscopic letters; descriptions of events and people and places decipherable only by the innermost part of the self -- the heart.

and so, i would dig my fingernails in deep. deep. and deeper. deeper and deeper still. and then, my fingers would grasp the weakly pulsating bloody mass. i'd pull. and pull. and pull and pull. it'd tear out of my ribcage in a satisfying manner, with a sickly sweet squelch. blood would spill out of my concave chest and stain the white carpet. my thumbnails would find purchase in the surface of the organ, peeling it open like one would an orange, splitting open at the aorta and downwards past the purkyne tissue. inside, what is inside? i peer in. i wish i hadn't. there is no answer. none. none at all. none of this matters. i tear and tear and tear into myself for nothing. i drive a blade with practiced precision into the supple flesh of my skin in an attempt to peel it away and gain even a glimpse at the person i am within, naked and bare for none to see. there is no substance. i fall. no one hears. there is nothing to hear. for i am nothing, and everything at once. i have no substance to myself, but i mimic fragments of what others do. fragments. shards. a million glass shards when glued together don't form a mirror. engraved into my subconscious. an effort to please. to be neutral. to be perceived.

and then i receive it. an answer. an answer! at last, at last. i see it. i see it all. so clear. so clear indeed. i am a grotesque, misshapen amalgamation of everything and everyone i hold dear. a summation of everything equalling to nothing of substance. nothing of value. i know what i am.

i smile as i bleed out onto the red carpet.

[Translated from Spanish. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

I’ve always been very insecure and jealous in my relationship, somehow he made me feel that way, even though he never did anything wrong. I have his Instagram logged into my phone and I was always checking what he was doing. Until I decided to check his TikTok video history. I found a series of videos of a beautiful woman. I said the girl’s name to him and asked who she was, he said he didn’t know her, and I kept insisting, saying I knew he’d watched her. He said he thought she was pretty. Now I feel insufficient, stupid, ugly, trashy, and everything bad there is. I don’t have the courage to break up, and I’ve already cried a lot and he comforted me, apologized, and all that. What do you think I should do? But he always knew I felt insecure because I always opened up to him, but I know there wasn’t much to do, because he never gave me a reason to feel insecure or suspicious. It’s very hard to break up because a big part of the time I’m with him, I’m happy.

I gave birth in January to my first child on the 8th via c section, was not my first choice but I stopped dilating and needed to have emergency c section. Going home I felt on top of the world, my daughter was absolutely perfect and I had my whole family's support including my husbands side too. My mom was moving in with us this week too to come help out with the baby for the first few months. Well this emotional high that I was on quickly crumbled, at 5am 7 days after the birth I saw my mother die of a heart attack / stroke I really dont know I never got a answer from the emts and the death certificate said she died of natural causes. What I witnessed changed me, I had just got out the shower and my husband and newborn were asleep. I got out the bathroom and heard noise from downstairs and it sounded like my mom was struggling to breathe so I ran down as fast as my freshly cut body would let me and by the time I got down there she was beginning to panic and gasp for air. I was trying to keep composure and listen to her ask for her inhaler while also getting my phone to call the ambulance. I went back upstairs to get my husband i remember doing this twice but not how much time was in between. I was terrified, panicking and crying, the call lasted a life time to me the woman on the other end did not seem to understand my urgency and tried to keep me calm but I was literally losing the woman who raised me in front of my eyes. When my husband came down stairs he got my mom on the couch and once the paramedics came they tried relentlessly to save her and I couldnt watch i was falling apart they asked me to go upstairs and that is where I remained while I was living a true nightmare. Once they told me it was not looking good and that I should start making phone calls I felt like I was going to lose it but I began calling everyone and that was a traumatic experience on its own too. The next day and few days after are truly a blur. After I was left to put together the entire funeral arrangements and everything that related to her I was so numb it felt like I was having an out of body experience for the first month. I think that was my spirits way of coping and protecting me. My little bundle of joy became my emotional support baby, when holding her and being around her I could not even shed a tear. She was my rock and my reason for everything even more so than the typical similar feelings of new parents. Moving forward has been the toughest part of my spiritual journey in life so far. Though there are days that are so much more tough than others I know that my higher self or true self is there with me in those moments and we are celebrating the love that it takes to be a living loving person who makes eternal impacts on the universe. I hope that life continues to give me signs, every single day since my daughter was born I have seen 544. she was born 5:44 and my mom died at 5:44, when im least expecting i will look up and see 544 somewhere and I know that im where im supposed to be and that everything will be okay.

My bf: I don't want to go canoeing with you. It sounds like work, and I'm too busy anyway! Now here's something really fun, how about your drive me to my friend's daughter's who you've met 3 times's high school graduation and accompany me at her graduation party for 8 hours? Oh, and no drinking because you're the driver! Doesn't that sound like fun and not work?

OK so back in july i was talking to this boy named apple ok and me and him started talking after me and this boy named cookie broke up like 3 weeks ago at that time. SO we were in a talking stage for like a month but it was on and off bc i got grounded. But at the fair when i was hanging out with these 2 girls i saw him at the fair and i didn't recgonize him until like 2 days aftre l But when i got ungrounded we did IT and unfortunatley my mom found out and she blocked him without yk me knowing until like 5 days later. Fast forward like 4 months later after me and this boy lets call cactus broke up apple added me on snap on thanksgiving day saying happy thanksgiving and i was like "y did u add me?" and apple was like "ïdek how i added u im js drunk rn" So a week later my friend lets call her red head she showed me the ss of apple saying he wants a round 2 with me. but reminder he has a gf moving forward i asked him if it was true and at first apple was like no comment denying it and then he said yes. So that day i got his number and we talked. But the next day we did IT. But before we did It i was like "wouldnt it be cheating like she loves u like really loves you" and apple was like " ït wont be cheating if she doesnt see or find out" Just to be clear i knew his gf lets call her bunny back in janurary bc she followed me on tik tok first and she used to be close bsfs with my cousin before she moved schools. So apple would like talk bad ab bunny to me on call and when he was arguing with bunny over text when he was on call with me and he told me that they were arguing bc of the ss that my friend red head told and showed bunny. And apple was like gaslighting bunny and was like saying that red head edited the ss and that bunny was delusional. So 3 weeks later i texted bunny lettiing her know what happened before she finds out by some1 else and just to be a girls girls and she decided to be VERY DELUSIONAL and called me weird and dumb even tho shes still with him. Bunny was like "It doesn't matter if it was his idea you still went to his house" Like girl what??!! but they are still together. now So im gonna crash out bc apple gaslighted her again EVEN THO HE SAID THAT HE DIDN'T EVEN WANT HER AND COULDN'T BREAK UP WITH HER BC OF HER OLDER BROTHER AND HIS GRANDMA, But the thing is after me and cactus broke up apple and cactus were friends AND WAS HANGING OUT BRO THEY BOTH WORK AT APPLESBEES 2. But they are opps now so idek. ALSO APPLE LITERALLY VENTED TO ME AB HIS WHOLE BACKSTORY LIFE AND HIS DAD WHAT??! Btw apple wanted a round 2 with me bc he found out bunny (his gf) was talking to her ex again apparantley and when he confronted her she lied to his face. But he also told me that he was lowkey thinkin ab a round 2 when me and cactus was dating.

*** DISCLAIMER ***

sorry this is a vague post and maybe categorized as family drama since there are elements of it more predominantly than other categories i could select, there may be more elements of politics and stuff also but couldnt find the category

*** MAIN POST ***

1. i have trust issues with my father, i remember when i was still in school he suddenly smacked me, i was by no means a good kid but it was so sudden and still affects me up to today and counting, im still in same house as him and its not fun, sometimes he can go after my mother when she makes mistakes also, but still i agree with many things he says or that said mistakes can be stupid, as much as he might of changed or willing to, my gut feeling physically wont let me trust him

2. i see the worlds heading in a wrong direction, many goverments, especially uk right now, seems to be getting more oppressive, i want to leave but idk how, idk about working a job cuz it seems like ill just get exploited by capitalist and get trapped in a life that i dont enjoy, one where im too tired constantly, where i cant express myself easily

3. i need this question answered in an unbiased manner please, is life still worth living, is there genuine hope to look forward, even tho theres corporate exploitation at every turn, and i have no one to turn to without a filter, what is it, am i being too sensitive, should i just man up

Thanks all for reading

Entertaining family and friends has always been a passion of mine, especially for festive occasions and birthdays. I am generally the mastermind behind the lavish Christmas gatherings and often the host for various birthdays at my place. I put a lot of effort into crafting a delectable menu, cooking everything from scratch, and ensuring the space is beautifully decorated. Since embracing the role of host a few years back, I added touches like Secret Santa for Christmas and sometimes organize games or karaoke depending on the event.

Prior to this change, our family gatherings were quite modest—just a simple meal that might include a barbecue, ordering pizzas, or enjoying traditional dishes and a store-bought cake for dessert. These gatherings were very straightforward: come over, eat, and then head home. There wasn't anything particularly wrong with that but having a deep affection for Christmas, about four years ago, I volunteered to host and decided to elevate the entire experience. Everyone was impressed and they showered me with compliments. Over time, my culinary and event planning skills have significantly improved, and I take great pride in the lively and memorable events I create. Soon, my relatives began to request that I host their birthday parties as their gift, which I gladly embraced. It’s worth noting that my immediate family includes around 9 or 10 people, making these gatherings manageable and not overly costly.

Now for the recent problem. During the latest events, such as the previous Christmas, and the birthdays of my mom, uncle, aunt, and my husband, I've noticed an unpleasant change in attitude among the guests.

For instance, I sent out detailed invitations indicating that the parties would start at 3:30 pm. However, some family members would arrive at noon, questioning why I wasn’t prepared. At my husband's birthday, they noticed that I was still setting up decorations and complained about the absence of food (despite being informed that it was an early dinner). They implored me to stop decorating and start cooking as they were hungry, which I found quite rude.

Ultimately, everyone started to meddle, eating snacks and rushing me to adjust everything to suit their preference, which ultimately dismantled my original plan for the event. The party did not unfold as envisioned, and after hastily preparing the food, several guests departed immediately after eating, leaving just six of us to continue the evening.

This pattern was repeated at other celebrations: arriving too early, criticizing my readiness, eating, then leaving.

This brings me to a recent conversation with my mom, who inquired about my plans for this year's Christmas. I responded that I wasn't planning anything due to their last display of ingratitude and my decision to step back, which sparked an argument. She accused me of being unable to "take a joke" and advised that I should "learn to accept help and adapt to our family's way."

The conversation was unresolved but left me questioning whether I was reasonable in my feelings. My husband supports me, but I'm curious about impartial perspectives...

Imagine if my situation were part of a reality show—how dramatic and revealing that episode could be! The cameras capturing every early guest, every complaint, and my frustrated attempts to meet unforeseen demands. It could really offer a unique perspective on boundary setting and familial relationships in high-pressure situations.

Are my expectations for family gatherings unreasonable?

so I have anemia, or low iron. When you have this, your fingernails turn like whitish as does the inside of your bottom eyelid.

And it also comes with splitting stomach pain.

We have iron supplements at my house, since my dad, sister, and mom are all anemic too, but I can't remember to take them daily, and even when I do, they don't help much if I can't get enough iron in my everyday diet. It's a pain in my stomach, literally,

Randomly, when I'm overexerting myself or even sometimes when I just breathe a bit too deep or too shallow, I have to double over and just stay still for a minute because it's the only thing that helps against the pain.It makes it hard to do anything. PE, Marching Band, everything.

Thing is, I don't know whether I should go to the school nurse. I'm biologically female, so I'm afraid they'll push it off as period cramps.

What should I do?

I (F22) have been dating my girlfriend (F21) for 3 years.

🧡 We met 1-2 weeks before starting college, since we were going to be classmates. She was supposed to live in the dorms for free, but after 2 days, she hated it and invited herself to sleep over at my place (we barely knew each other). We hooked up that night - and she basically never left. Classic lesbian stereotype, I know.

🌈 At first, I hid from my parents that she was living with me since they were paying my rent and didn’t know her. After 2 months, we made it official. A few months later, she met my parents (they thought we were just friends) and they adored her. She came home with me every visit. After 2 years, I told them we were together, and surprisingly, they were super supportive - even got over their strong homophobia for her. Now they treat her like their own daughter, and my whole family loves her... even more than they love me, sometimes.

💼 She’s been a super supportive partner and has helped me a lot with my business. I honestly wouldn’t be where I am without her. But she doesn’t have a job, and her abusive parents don’t support her or even know about us. She lives off a small scholarship allowance and feels guilty for not contributing more. I got her a laptop, my dad got her a phone, but she refuses to let me hire her because she wants to earn her own money. I usually cover everything, and I don’t mind since my business does very well. We recently moved to another apt, and my parents still pay the rent for both of us.

💔 The truth is, I don’t think I ever truly loved her romantically. I was probably just scared of being alone in a new city and clung to her because we were both lesbians and colleagues. I mistook her vibe for something more masculine at first, but over time I realized she’s not really my type physically. I do love her personality - she’s emotional, artistic, and sees the world beautifully. I’d often find myself staring at other people, not fantasizing, just feeling a quiet frustration inside. In the first year we were very active se)(ually, but now I am forcing myself to do it. I'm not enjoying it.

🕳️ When I moved away for college, I was excited to live independently, but that never really happened. She moved in almost immediately, and we became co-dependent: always together, doing everything side by side. Now that we just finished college, I feel like I missed out on everything -freedom, partying, self-discovery. While others were out living, I was working nonstop on my business. I am succesful, I've even been on the news, but I feel empty, like I sold my soul for money. Sometimes, I think the only escape is death. I don't want to be in this relationship anymore, but I’m scared to leave. My parents love her and they’d never forgive me. They would never accept another girl, because SHE is the reason they stopped being homophobic.

🏠 I’ve been saving for a house abroad and told her it’s for both of us, but she hasn’t contributed financially because she doesn’t have a job. I’m not upset - most people our age aren’t making this much, but she constantly compares herself to me and feels like a failure. She has breakdowns because she can’t provide, even though most students don’t have it figured out yet. I tried encouraging her to freelance; she got one client and gave up. I have tons of business and investment ideas, but she won’t act on them. I can’t keep pushing her. I’m already exhausted from running my business and dealing with my own mental health issues.

🌍 I’ve always valued freedom, and marriage feels like a cage. I like being alone and dream of traveling the world. I could afford to do it now, but I can’t because she can’t afford it and feels guilty when I pay. I know she’ll get a job eventually and things might balance out, but for now, I’m sad my youth is slipping away. My past relationships were traumatic - one landed me in the hospital, another was a drug addict, one dug up her dead dog’s skull, and another cheated on me while I paid for everything because she was nearly homeless. This time, I chose someone kind and stable, not really my type, but safe. She’s never hurt me, but I’m still unhappy. And even though I know she’s not using me, I’m tired of always being the provider.

📱💬 I know you’ll judge me, and I don’t blame you. Last year, feeling lonely and needing a new friend, I started chatting with a masc lesbian on Bumble BFF. She had a girlfriend, so I saw her as a safe friend. She was adventurous, always traveling and doing extreme sports - basically the life I wanted. She wasn’t the issue... it was what she awakened in me. She was the version of myself I never got to be. We talked nonstop for months, and my girlfriend noticed. I felt happy texting the other girl - not se)(ually, just less lonely. My girlfriend got jealous, and I understood why, but I couldn’t stop. The girl broke up with her partner of 4 years and started dating around. I was interested in her stories because I was frustrated about my own relationship. She invited me to hang out, but my girlfriend asked me to cut contact, saying the other girl was flirting. I didn't tell my gf that that girl broke up with her partner, because I wanted to keep things safe. She eventually removed me from her following list and she unfollowed me, because I stopped replying to her texts, since my gf was mad.

💀 I want to be honest. I hoped we’d become best friends and maybe more. Some of our chats felt like flirting. She complimented me a lot, and we talked nonstop. After we started talking, I had a breakdown and told my girlfriend I didn’t love her and wanted to break up. She was devastated and she thought I was falling for that girl. I couldn’t break up for real because I worried about my parents and that my girlfriend would have nowhere to live. I told another time I wanted to break up, and she begged on her knees for me to stay. We’re stuck together for at least two more years because we’re doing our masters in the same city. I feel trapped and often think about su!cide as the only way out. The pressure from my parents, business, and her situation feels overwhelming.

💔 It’s been 1 year since I stopped talking to that girl, but I’m still frustrated my gf wouldn’t let me meet her. I think I developed an unhealthy obsession, hoping to run into her or reconnect. Now I see it was emotional cheating and wrong. I never even met her in person, so it was just lust stuck in my mind. Since then, my girlfriend lost trust in me and started trying to be more masculine, feeling like she was competing and getting easily triggered.

🚫 I’m stuck. Leaving my girlfriend now would ruin my relationship with my family, and she’d have nowhere to go. But staying makes me more depressed every day. I’m on medication and feel like my youth is slipping away. I regret not exploring more before her. I only slept with 2 women before. When I tried to break up, she begged me to stay and offered that I could sleep around while she waited but I refused because that wouldn’t be fair to her.

🪞I’m still dating her but feel guilty for leading her on. I’ve lost myself in this relationship and put on 10 kg. I hate the way I look. I wanted someone who would push me, but she’s my mirror. We even say the same things and act alike. We often leave the house messy because we’re both struggling mentally and isolated from friends. She had therapy for a while but stopped due to cost. Her therapist once told her that they knew the girl I talked to. It used to be one of their old patients but she was problematic. The fact that the therapist told my gf the confidential info about that other girl made me distrust therapy even more. Although I know people will say I need it.

Please tell me what you think about this situation. You can be harsh, because I know that what I did was not moral at all. I haven’t told any of my friends this, because I am afraid. All of our friends are common and they would think I am a s!lut. I have been keeping this inside for over one year. Thank you!