Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

not my typical post this is a horror but no option for horror

this is chapwr one lmk what u guys think

Chapter One — The Hollow Tree

I ran but she caught me when the moon slipped behind the clouds and the world went silent.

Her grip closed around my ankle with a strength that belonged to graves and forgotten things. I fell hard, the breath knocked from my lungs, my palms sinking into the cold mulch of the forest floor. Dead leaves clung to my skin like the hands of the unburied, and for one hopeless moment I imagined that I, too, was sinking—downward—into the dark earth they all returned to.

A low hum trembled through the soil. A voice without words. A summons.

I twisted to look behind me.

I should not have.

She emerged from the dark like a memory that should have died centuries ago—long limbs bending in wrong directions, bones clicking against each other like rosary beads in restless hands. Her hair, long and dripping, veiled most of her face, though the smallest sliver of a grin stretched beneath it, white as moonlit marble and sharp as split stone.

The forest held its breath.

Even the wind dared not speak.

“Please,” I whispered, though my voice felt like it belonged to someone already fading.

Her head tilted. Not with mercy—no creature of mercy would be found in this place—but with recognition. As though she had been waiting, patient and starving, for the moment I would return.

The stories had warned me. My grandmother’s voice echoed, faint and trembling, from the deepest corners of childhood: Do not run from the Hollow Woman. She will come faster. Do not speak to her. She will hear you for a century. Do not look back. She is always closer than you think.

Yet I had done all three.

Her fingers tightened, cold as river stones, and she dragged me across the earth toward the hollow tree ahead—a towering corpse of a once-mighty oak, its trunk split open by some ancient and merciless storm. The gap gaped like a mouth, the inside impossibly dark, impossibly deep, as though it tunneled straight into the underworld.

The closer we drew, the more the forest changed. The trees bowed inward, crooked like mourners at a funeral. A smell seeped from the hollow—wet soil, rotting bark, and beneath it something sweet, like overripe fruit left too long in the sun.

“No,” I gasped, clawing at the ground. My nails scraped through moss and root, catching on stones slick with dew. My body obeyed terror’s instinct, but my mind was trapped in the slow, creeping dread that had haunted me since I first heard her voice two nights ago.

It had come with the storm.

I had been lying in my grandmother’s abandoned house—our ancestral ruin—when the lightning split the sky and the walls groaned like a living thing. A whisper curled through the cracks in the floorboards, thin as winter breath: Come back to me.

I thought it was grief. Or loneliness. Or the house settling around its last inhabitant.

But then the whisper came again.

And again.

And last night, when the moon was whole and bright, I saw her standing beneath the oak tree at the edge of the forest, her shadow stretching longer than her body should allow.

She had been waiting.

“Not yet,” I murmured, desperate, choking on soil as I fought against her grasp. “Please—not yet.”

For the first time, she paused.

Her grip, though unyielding, stilled. Slowly, achingly slowly, her face lifted, and beneath the curtain of her tangled hair I saw the hollow where her eyes should have been—deep, shadowed pits that seemed to draw in the light around them.

When she spoke, it was not with a voice but with a sound like roots cracking beneath frozen ground.

“You left me.”

My heart stuttered. A coldness spread through my chest, not the fear she inflicted but something older, deeper, something that knew her.

Because I had left her.

I didn’t understand why or how—but the moment she spoke, the truth whispered beneath my memory like something long buried scratching at the coffin lid.

“I don’t remember,” I whispered, and my own words tasted wrong, as if they were stolen from someone else’s mouth.

She dragged me another inch toward the hollow tree.

The moon finally slipped from behind the clouds then, its pale, shivering light spilling across us. For a moment—just a moment—she stopped moving. Her body stiffened. Her smile dropped into a grim line carved of stone.

The moonlight touched her skin, and she recoiled as though burned.

I felt her grip loosen.

Only a little.

Only enough.

With a cry torn raw from my throat, I twisted sharply, kicking with all the panic of a creature half-dead and unwilling to finish the job. My heel struck something soft—her face, perhaps—and her grip faltered.

I scrambled backward, breath ragged, legs shaking so violently they barely obeyed me. She hissed, a sound like a dying wind through hollow places.

But she did not lunge.

She watched.

The moonlight kept her rooted.

I staggered to my feet. Pain lanced up my knee. Blood soaked into my sock. Yet I ran—not with hope, but with the terror of someone who knows the night is far from over.

Behind me, her voice seeped through the trees like mist:

“When the moon dies, you are mine again.”

And above the forest canopy, the clouds thickened—slowly smothering the light that protected me.

so here's the deal: i have been wondering why i am not attracted to anyone? it all started in my late teens, honestly. i just cannot figure out what is wrong with me !!!! like everyone around me seems to feel this magnetic pull towards someone but i never feel it !!!! i see them talking about butterflies in their stomachs, yet here i am, feeling nothing !! what a fraud of a life?!

when i was younger and naive, maybeeee i thought it would arrive eventually.. some big romantic fireworks that never came. even at work, seeing colleagues flirt and date does not trigger anything in me. no profession-related pressure to find a partner affects my drive! it's almost like there's an inherent lack of wiring – something only science can answer for me.

do isolated sections of society face similar emotional detachment ??? perhaps... but why do people keep asking if i'm alright when the absence of 'desire' or 'affectionate affinity' appears sufficient ???! sure, friends mean well... yet every inquiry into my solitary status grates on nerves frayed by persistent doubts scratching beneath confident masks!

is attraction really necessary companionship??? practically speaking – yes; emotionally confused-unprepared-indifferent optimist says meh ??!! comprehending whispered words confounds my logic more than understanding architectural blueprints does!! why can't they accept my choice ??? are labels such as single meant to imply negativity ???? infinity: therein lies truth hidden beneath constant probing!

I’m 19, and I’m starting to feel like my brain got wired wrong somewhere, because I seriously cannot fall asleep in a quiet room. Not “it’s a little harder” quiet. I mean the kind of silence where I can hear my own swallowing, the radiator clicking, the blood rushing in my ears, every tiny shift in the mattress, and suddenly my whole nervous system acts like it’s on graveyard shift doing threat assessment. The second everything goes still, my sleep latency gets way worse, like my body forgets how to cross over into actual sleep onset. If I put on a fan, rain sounds, some dumb video essay playing low, or even just the hum of an air purifier, I knock out faster. Does anyone else get that, or am I just broken in a really specific and embarrassing way? People always talk like silence is the ideal sleep environment, like that’s the gold standard, but for me silence feels aggressive. It feels like standing on a stage waiting to mess up. Noise gives me auditory masking, which sounds clinical, but basically it just covers the sharp little sounds that keep pulling my attention back up to the surface. Without it, my brain starts monitoring everything, like some cheap surveillance system that never powers down. I’ve tried the “healthy” stuff too. No caffeine late, dim lights, no phone for a while, trying to regulate my circadian rhythm, breathing slow, all of it. And still, the moment it gets too quiet, my thoughts get louder than any speaker ever could. I start replaying every awkward conversation, every bad choice, every unfinished thing in my life, and then I’m just laying there feeling stupid. It’s wierd because during the day I say I want peace, but at night peace feels fake. Peace feels like waiting for something bad. When I was younger I used to fall asleep on the couch while the TV was on and plates were clinking in the kitchen, and I think my brain decided that background noise equals safety, like that became the default setting. So now when I try to sleep in a perfect silent room, it doesn’t feel restful, it feels abandoned.

Last week I actually tested it because I was tired of feeling dramatic about it. First night, I turned everything off because I wanted to prove to myself I was just being dependent on a habit. The room was dark, clean, no notifications, no sound, textbook sleep hygiene. I laid there for what felt like forever, probably doing micro-arousals every few minutes, drifting for two seconds and then snapping back because the silence made every thought sound huge. My chest wasn’t pounding or anything, so I’m not trying to say it was some full panic response, but my baseline arousal was clearly too high. I kept thinking, this is ridiculous, normal people can sleep in silence, why cant I. I got annoyed enough to turn on a box fan at like 2:17 a.m., and I swear my whole body unclenched within ten minutes. That should’ve made me feel relieved, but honestly it just made me feel worse, because now it seems less like a phase and more like I’ve trained myself into some dependency loop. The next night I tried brown noise instead, and same result, asleep faster, fewer wake-ups, less mental static. So yeah, the data is pretty obvious, but I still don’t know what I’m supposed to do with it. Accept it? Fix it? Is this just conditioning, or is it hypervigilance, or am I giving it too much meaning because I’m 19 and already tired all the time and kind of burnt out in general? I know there are worse problems to have, obviously. Needing noise to sleep is not exactly a tragic backstory. But it bothers me because it makes me feel fragile in this dumb specific way, like I can’t even handle the default setting of a room. And the worst part is I’m not even sure I want to fix it if noise is the only thing that consistently helps. Maybe the real issue isn’t the sound, maybe it’s what happens in my head when there’s alot of empty space for every thought to echo. I definately trust a fan more than my own mind at night, and that feels sad in a way I can’t make sound less pathetic.

It’s a long story and I’ll say it the short way and the long way cuz, someone might want the full story others want the short story.

(btw for context the person I’ll mainly be talking about is a girl but I don’t know their pronouns so I’ll refer to them as they/them)

Short story(also mb for any grammar mistakes):

Basically it’s the first day of school and in one my classes I saw them (for context they are a girl but I don’t know their pronouns so I’ll refer to her as they/them) and immediately i felt like this attraction in a way so I guess u could say I liked them. But yeah, I liked them ever since then.

Long (ahh) story:

First day of school and tbh I wasn’t rlly expecting anything other then just more people ofc and unfortunately socializing; and in one of my classes I saw them, out of every new person in that class there was just something just them, I can’t really explain it since for me I usually have to know a person in order to have a crush on someone but I kinda just felt this incessant like connection? Throughout the whole semester we caught each other looking but we never rlly talked. Turned out they transferred to my core (I’m in cadets) which was unexpected saying that out of everyone in that grade or my classes that go to cadets they somehow transferred to my core (I’m delusional Ik) and we used to say hi to each other more but I think it just got more… awkward? I don’t have any classes with them rn which in a way is a relief but also sad. I’ve never felt this way towards someone and for months I’ve been wondering what’s about them that I see or idk. It’s a rlly weird and confusing feeling especially for someone like me who doesn’t rlly like liking someone yet I still like them.

So ig the question I’m asking is has anyone ever felt this way? Or does anyone know what this might be?

Anyways whatever anyones answers are, I thank u for taking the time to read either or both of time and responding.

Hope everyone is okay and found what your looking for; good morning, good afternoon, good night

It's more of a religious conflict within myself.

I grew up Jewish... But not Jewish. My adopted family is Jewish. But I never felt Jewish. My mom was Jewish, but we only celebrated... Loosely, Hanukkah until I turned 12. Then I asked to stop cause buying and receiving gifts was too forking stressful! Also, birthdays and any gift-giving days stopped, but that's another topic for another day.

Anyway, I like to think I'm interested in all religions and no religions at the same time. It's hard to put my finger on it. I live with my cousins now, after my mom's passing. They're more Jewish than any Jewish people I lived near in my old life/old neighborhood.

I didn't know any holidays except for Hanukkah... And honestly... I still only know Hanukkah, cause there's many Jewish holidays that confuse me. All I remember is that Jewish Challah bread is so forking tasty! Cinnamon and honey challah bread is SO FORKING YUMMY🤤! And I usually HATE cinnamon... But in challah bread... Give me all of it😋!! I also like the apples and honey holiday... Cause there's apples and honey🍎🍯! I don't really like Jewish pastries... No offense to any Jewish people... Jam ain't my thing🫠.

Also, my cousin says that one of the differences between Judaism and Christianity is that Jewish people cannot be forgiven from sinning by only God. If a Jewish person sins to God, they are forgiven, cause God is understanding. But if a Jewish person sins against another fellow human, God only forgives if the person you sinned to has forgiven you. And therefore, there is no way out of saying, "I have sinned, I have shared my sin with God, he shall forgive me" even if the original sin was cause by the sinner who has done wrong by his fellow man/woman/person.

But based on Christianity, I like the easiness that it feels to feel somewhat absolved of sins based on the fact that one shares their sins with God and they themselves feel sorry. But I still like the fact that there's more restrictions on Judaism, cause it puts more responsibility on humans rather than having God shoulder everything... God's got a lot on his hypothetical shoulders man!

Also, is God in the form of a man still? Or is God an entity? Energy? Or simply a safe feeling? That guy feeling saying... Don't go into that "haunted house" or don't drink spoiled milk, even if you think it smells fine.

Some people maybe believe in multiple Gods. I also like to believe in such things, as well as the singl God that most people believe in. It also makes sense to think that God's can be it's own entity, like the clean stream, or a mighty tree that's stood for centuries! It's interesting who one would worship something that isn't forever, but super long lasting.

I also like some of the ideas of Buddhism. How there are a few Gods that make people feel safer. I personally feel the best when thinking of setting up an alter. I haven't set up one yet, cause I'm waiting to move outta the rental home. But again... I really like the 3 main Gods... And I like the God's that represent Protection, Peace, and Health. I understand that some might not understand, and that's okay... Heck... I'm just learning about Buddhism only last month! But it's fascinating!

Who says mixing different religions is wrong? I'd totally love to put different items around my home for different religions. And no disrespect... It's because I respect and admire these religions that makes me wanna partake.

I also really like the idea of believing and worshiping ancestors... Cause they've done a sh*t-ton of stuff for us to be where we are now... Why not respect them with an alter or at least a nice photograph to show respect?

I've also dabbled in spirituality. As sage, candles, and crystals also seem to make me feel a little better. Maybe not physically, but on a somewhat psychological level. The idea of safety that such actions bring. With words like "cleansing" and "positive energy". All those things factor into why I like stuff like that too.

I even enjoyed learning, but not partaking in Hispanic deities. They're fascinating! There was one... Or maybe two... I can't remember... That favored non-violent peace vs peace brought by violence. Of course they weren't as popular as the more stereotypical tough God's... But I still respect all those God's... Though personally... Human and animal sacrifices was a bit much for my liking... But hey, if it made them feel like they were safe... Who am ai to judge... Even though I personally don't condone violence.

I also liked learning about the Greek Gods and thought it would be nice to make an alter for one or two of the God's... Of course once I do more research to make sure the God's I choose got along with each other... Cause who'd wanna be worshipped with your arch nemesis😬!? I personally like Eros, since he didn't cheat or at least was able to keep it in his pants more than certain God's😑. And Psyche is also a very interesting God! Originally a human... Woo-hoo! Love wins all!! Woo-hoo! The crowd cheers!! Standing ovation for her ascent to Goddess-hood!

I don't know much about the Roman Gods, as they're very similar to the Greek Gods. And saying both Greek and Roman Gods together just confuses my sludge brain!

Also, black cats are actually good luck... According to Pagan beliefs, as well as science! Science has shown that Black cats have a better resilience in terms of survival. Unlike white cats, who usually have a bunch of medical issues. Both black and white cats are equally beautiful though. If I had the time, energy, and money, I'd get a black female cat named Yin, and a White male cat named Yang... Get it... Yin-Yang☯️!?

Anyway, overall, I think I'm in general a little confused... But very fascinated by everything.

The only thing is Cults that scare the shart outta me! But that's for another topic, and another day!

Like ok I have really wanted a friend, not just any friend like a close friend essentially a best friend if you would say. I wanted one of those since late 2022. <jst smt random-

In 2022, would I really say I had this person? I think so? She’s kinda the reason I want one of these people, bc yh she really did kinda vibe with me , even when i wasn’t really vibing with her. Like i don’t really remember but she was an AMAZING responder(ATLEAST that what I remember??) I was young then, I would say she’s the reason 2022 (ATLEAST March-June) was so good>

So we stopped talking, I moved and tbh Id say I don’t really have friends here. Like tbh ever since like I stopped being friends with her, I never have that person again since like I think I’ve been trying to find a person the same as her? Yk? Like I’ve tried making a best friend online but they just aren’t really a vibe like I wouldn’t even say theif ever be a best friend to me , and the other way around.

This is gonna be about just like recently, so ‘highschool’ that’s what they call it here. Like ever since the 5th of September ive been sitting alone and I don’t think I have friends or atleast friends that are close, yk u sit with them at lunch, and all that close friend stuff. Like OK BEILVE ME I HAVE TRIED MAKING FRIENDS BUT EVERYONE CLEARLY HAS THEIR OWN FRIENDS. Like yk sciences in movies where a girl comes sit with the girl alone and they become friends and even closer, like seriously where is that person for me?? Where my friend that has ‘been through it all with me’ . Like around February this year I have been trying to manifest a friend but someone in a similar situation with me. Like they also have no friends so we hang out with each other but as uve prob guessed I don’t have them.

No cause I have tried I’ve tried with the new girl at my school (in like September I think?) the conversation was so one sided. Like I see her sometimes and I think shes still alone too, I’ve tried online making a bff I tried with a person , we exchanged flipping PHONES NUMBERS! I thought this will be it , but she really isn’t my kinda person. She says she hangs out with people she dislikes and she hates them, I was like then leave??? And she was like but IDONT wanna be alone. Ok yk I might be being petite but I literally tell her my situation and how I have no friends so why would she even say that??? Like abd overall her response ts are so bland like I think that’s a key thing for me in friends like fym ur a good ‘listener’ but not a good responder at that point let me just go talk to the wall

Well I think that’s all <3

So I don’t know if I want a best friend or someone who kinda relate to me and my situation?

I really hope someone actually gets this and not be like ‘it’s hard having no friends but u will find some!’

Now conspiracy’s are conspiracy’s facts are facts we all know evil exists denying the fact so many children just children forget the religions are being burned alive killed these are godless acts from godless people if that’s what u want to call them. They’re not from a particular god fearing religion but a godless congregation of evil ppl using segregation of race religion and their powers being these ppl being able to influence the thoughts of so many is scary in itself how mindless as a whole ppl are.to know regardless of this reptilian agendas and aliens and emerald tablets and nephlim giants wich is in the bible as well as other religious books it’s just astonishing to know how closed minded to common sense ppl have become they unite ppl when they feel it will bring numbers segregate when it gives a prosperous resolution for “them” to do so to at this point blame the government the religious leaders the aliens but their is a a common numeral to this and it is 80% of the population doesn’t think for themselves when 100% know what’s good and what’s bad and trust me won’t be quiet to preach to one another about it. Ppl need to wake up genocide happend according to American history to Jews?… well some don’t believe it’s true well now who does who doesn’t matter but truth is genocide is happening again and their is nothing making it right now to do it it was wrong then this is hypocrisy at the highest peak. Like I don’t kill dogs but I’ll kill brown dogs. I’m that makes sense cuz brown dogs aren’t worth it like this is straight mind fucked lunacy. Evil has completely taken over and if judgement day doesn’t come because of the wrong no matter how anyone try’s to turn it around they allowed it. If end days come it will come for this god will come for this and I’m scared but I know how much pain is there and times it by a200million suffering past present continuous because I know what’s happened to Jesus the prophets the messengers call them as you please was wrong time and time again chances were given but as a whole of humanity I am so disgusted in us only god can save us and have mercy on our souls because we haven’t left anything to show for the life the love the good he constantly gave us only sat complained because of this and that all I care is I’m standing on the right side of this I don’t care what happens to me at this point this is beyond return and I don’t need a fortune teller to tell me the end is near the end could have been near had we been strong god would be coming down for a much better reason than judgement everyone that keeps sticking their foreheads in the news commenting on their YouTube’s watching videos. Shut up and send a prayer for a change of heart in man’s soul to stop the evil from seeping through everyone’s heart for the defeat of this evil and the ppl and things that caused them ask for forgiveness. I just can’t tell you I don’t even use my phone anymore or watch the news there’s barely anything left good I just want to keep my loved ones and live with them as happily and let them know how much I love them and they mean to me every day till the end and if I can ever come across a way to curing this hell brought upon our lives I will stop at nothing … and as I typed this the answer came to me … I hope the answer comes to you after reading this exactly what it is we have to do.

My stepdaughter, who's in high school, has a lifelong friend whose birthday celebrations in December have become a tradition for us. Together with my wife, we have two children, and we always make it a point to attend this annual party. This particular year, as my own family planned a significant holiday abroad over Christmas, we coordinated with her friend's mom to ensure the celebration wouldn't be missed, scheduling our departure two days post the event.

However, just this Monday, my stepdaughter returned home with news that the birthday was rescheduled to accommodate other relatives flying in, unfortunately well past our planned departure. Here's where the dilemma intensifies — first, altering our travel plans would be costly, doubling our expenses. Second, it clashes with my work-approved leave, which means cutting our two-week trip to just a week. Third, this trip is my rare chance to reunite with siblings I only see once a year during the holidays. Lastly, we had already aligned our vacation months in advance around the original party date.

Initially, I proposed asking her friend's parents to revert to the initial date, considering our arrangements. My wife didn't agree with that. My second idea was to modify only my stepdaughter's flight since she could travel independently; my wife also disagreed due to her close ties with the other mom and her personal desire to attend. Her solution was simple yet impractical for me — delay our entire family's travel. This suggestion only led to an escalating series of arguments throughout the week.

Last night, the standoff reached a peak when my wife insisted we prioritize the party, opposite to my plan of sticking to our original travel schedule with or without her. The argument spiraled to a point where my stepdaughter labeled me unreasonable, and in my frustration, I suggested grounding her, though my wife opposed, stating our daughter's reaction was warranted. Now, everything's just a huge, tangled mess.

Imagine how people would react if our family drama was part of a reality TV show. Viewers would probably be on the edge of their seats, either criticizing my rigid stance or empathizing with the tough spot we're all in. The drama, the heated exchanges, and the stark decisions could really stir up the audience engagement, making it an episode not to miss.

So, I've been feeling REALLY trapped lately. I'm 48, in a relationship with my girlfriend for what feels like forever; we're not married, no kids or anything, just two people co-existing under the same roof (I own the house). The thing is, she’s been in burnout for a long time now and honestly... I don't think she's capable of living alone at this point.

Don't get me wrong, she's great in so many ways but it feels like I'm doing all the work literally and figuratively. I commute a lot because my job is far away; spending hours stuck in traffic each day just to provide for us... It's taking its toll. But here I am every day grinding my way to maintain this life we've built together when it doesn't even feel like mine anymore?

I'm not sure if this makes me an awful person but I don't love her like before. That spark has faded away over time which leaves me wondering why stay? But thinking about leaving and seeing her struggle tears me apart; am I supposed to just abandon ship when things get tough? Is it even possible to find happiness again without crushing hers?

There's no manual on how these things should work out... Sure some would say communicate more or whatever – easier said than done! It's exhausting being rational while submerged in emotions all around you!! Sometimes it feels like there's no light at the end of the tunnel... How do you even begin untangling years’ worth of commitment without losing yourself completely?! 😩😖

I should start by saying I have kids. I am extremely grateful for that. Tonight I’m just thinking about all the stuff I’ve sat on for 3+ years from my babies because I pictured myself so actively watching other peoples kids and raising them with my own. But no one asks me to babysit or brings their kids here. Just makes me sad. I have a bottle & sippy, snack cups, a high chair, a play chair, a bouncer, a play pen, a changing mattress, a bassinet, an extra car seat even. Literally “just in case” and there’s never an “in case” from the people in my circle. I’ve always been the “lady that’s good with kids” my entire adult life.. I worked with kids for years before changing careers. People used to ask me to babysit constantly before I had my own. It’s just weird being at this point and always picturing myself being the mom with all the kids at her house but all the kids are just mine. I know it’s probably something stupid to be sad about, but I can’t help it when I see the stuff in the back of the cabinet. I know people probably just assume I don't want more kids here on top of my 3. I have twins in preschool and my oldest is less than 2 years older… but I wish they would just ask anyway.

I'm not religious. I've been atheist for years but going to church camp for the first time made me almost convert back to Christianity. Just for clarity, my friend asked me to go to camp and since I had never been, I agreed. During this time I started questioning my faith. Though many things were currently going on in my life and at one point I hit my breaking point, which I knew would happen sooner or later and I tried to kill myself. This is what I wrote a month after when remembering it.

Here I am, turning to whatever higher power there is and praying, begging, and on my knees breaking down, asking for salvation. All of my prayers have been met with silence, just like they were previously. My faith which I no longer claimed has betrayed me again. If he won't save me, I'll save myself. I'll bring myself deliverance from this wretched life.

i cant even think straight because I’ve been crying for hours and I think I should just be gone from this world. Something crazy is going on with me and my friends and i cant even focus on anything but that, and I was supposed to go to a sleepover with my friends last minute because i need someone to talk to but when i went to ask my mom and my dad they both agreed that it was a bad decision to let me talk to my friends. I said I had no one to talk to and my mom literally said that i could talk to but she’s literally like 50 years old so how could she understand? i could never talk to her because she’s my mom and all the people i know that have tried to off themselves have gone to a mental asylum and came back so different i was scared. I cant talk to my friends anymore also because my downtime is on and i cant communicate with anyone except for my parents and im so completely exhausted with myself and im so utterly alone that i just think im done. I’ve never cried more than right now and i cant even see straight thats how blurry my vision is right now help me i have no one to talk to

I’m not looking for advice because I know I’m gonna get an abortion I’m just shocked. Condom broke, neither of us realised, I got pregnant. I’m getting an abortion this weekend and I know it’s the best choice I’m just scared. No one’s explained to me what’s going to happen I feel so embarrassed. 😭

Too exhausted and drained of energy from a relationship filled with deep affection and forbidden love. It often feels like all the effort in this relationship is one-sided. I always give, but never receive anything in return. The love bombing phase has ended. There was a time when I felt genuinely loved and cared for wholeheartedly. We both already have partners and children. We only meet in person at work, in the office. The relationship began when we started sharing stories about our lives, which eventually developed into something more intimate. The love bombing phase was the most beautiful period—it felt like being young again, like a first love. The relationship was full of excitement, with a constant desire to meet and be together. Every effort was made just to stay close, no matter what. It felt like I couldn’t live without them.

But lately, what I feared has started to happen. Their true nature is beginning to show. They lie often and look for reasons to start fights—just so they can spend time with others, which they never used to do before. They’ve also been interacting frequently with their ex, claiming it’s purely professional. However, they were once caught alone together in a car in a parking lot. I don’t know what they were doing—they claimed they were just going to grab a meal together. They’re increasingly working together on the same projects. They seem very enthusiastic when talking about this ex, who holds a high position in the company. They seem to admire them a lot. But they always get extremely angry when I bring it up, which only makes me more suspicious.

The more I express my doubts, the more they lash out—yelling and twisting the facts. They bring up my past mistakes but refuse to acknowledge their own. I love them deeply, so I’ve often ignored their faults and let things slide. But over time, it’s become too frequent and too much to handle. It's started affecting my mental health, making me lose motivation in both work and daily life.

What’s most disturbing is that they don’t let me interact with others. They don’t allow me to go out with friends, yet they often socialize with other men. I don’t know what to do anymore. Right now, I’m in a very sad place and don’t feel like doing anything at all.

nothing helps it doesn't matter how much I talk about it how much I journel how much I distract myself how much I treat myself how much rest I give myself how healthy i eat how much water i drink how much exercise I get how much I surround myself with people I love or how many times I call the hotlines. everyone gives the same advice "take small steps" "healing takes time" "just take a quick break or try a breathing exercise when it feels like too much" a breathing break isn't gonna help me maybe it wouldve three years ago but idk what I have but its not just what's happening around me its something fudemently wrong with me. no matter how good I have it I'll find I way to ruin it or make myself feel bad. it takes so much effort just to make myself function semi properly, to just exist. i cant tell what's wrong with me and at the same time I know. maybe its too many things and I'm just not sure which one, or maybe its none of them. I mean this cant be because of what's happening around me bc only one baddish thing has ever happened and it was basically my fault anyways. I just cant accept the fact people might acc like me and I know everything I'm scared of and hate about myself and do is irrational but it doesnt matter. this isn't somthing I can fix and its harder and harder every day to deal with it. I'm realizing I should've gotten help a long time ago, because now when people tell me to deal with it maybe I used to be Able to but I just cant anymore. every day I'm waiting and waiting every day even good days I'm dealing with it. I cant tell what I'm missing and if my problems are serious or not but if I don't get help that actually helps soon I'm just gonna end it. I'm tired of waiting for something that isn't coming. its never coming.