Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

My brain tells me I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to be happy. It has been like this for a long time. I know its not rational but it doesn't stop it from feeling true and interfering with my life. For example, I impulsively subscribed to a dating app, I guess because I was lonely and wanted a connection. Anyway I've started chatting to this guy who is really lovely. The healthy and rational part of me would like to see where this goes, but my brain is telling me I don't deserve to be a relationship so I should break it off. I think soon I'm going to break and just ruin this opportunity for myself. I guess its also unfair of me to begin dating when I'm still struggling with this thought process. Plus I have hated myself for as long as I can remember, and as the saying goes, you can't expect someone to love you when you can't love yourself. I don't know what to do.

its like no one understands me or my struggles. sounds like im a pick me but its true. ive got no one to talk to, to trust. everyone would tell the nearest asshole about how "emo" i am for my struggles. my country does not take self harm well. youd get called out in your schools hallways or get called emo constantly. most adult tell you youre seeking attention and ignore your struggles. i constantly self harm. it calms me down seeing the blood drip from my arms. i have always loved blood, i dont know why. ive always intentionally made myself bleed to drink it. or just to look at it. maybe its cause my experience with hostpitals from a young age. my sister got terminally sick when i was 5. i was in and out of school to visit her. she went to hostpitals all over the country. my family once forgot me in a hostpital. but ive been there so much that i practically knew my way around. nurses were always sweet and kind. always had a look of pity because of my sister. they knew she would never make it. maybe people would understand a litle if they knew my whole story. but no one ever looks at the big picture. they just look at the ugly parts AND THEN HAVE THE AUDACITY TO JUDGE YOU. i hate people, idc if this gets rejected atleast someone read it if it did.

So i met a guy on a video game and he starts flirting with me and my friend and then tells us about his previous crushes and hookups while flirting with us and when my friend confronts him about it without my permission and tells about my feelings to him; he says he doesnt really know how to talk to girls and we just forgive him but i start to make fun of him the way he makes misogynistic and derogatory jokes towards me.

Then i meet a new guy who totally seemed awkward and uninterested and saw potential in him and he just asks for my pictures and doesnt send his; gets weird amount of attention from my female friends, rarely spends time with me, when i refuse to send him my pictures he guilt trips me; tells me he loves me within a week of knowing me;I start to roast and constantly talk about the guy who makes fun of me to get my revenge and im labelled as obsessed and cheating on the guy im talking to because he didnt know that i used to have feelings for the guy i was making fun of. i later told him about all about it and then i broke up with him and he later sends his picture and says “i knew long distance wouldnt work out this is why i am sending my picture right now” i later gave him closure about why i wanted to break up. he later goes and talks shit about me to my friends but when i do the same; he got mad and just blocked me. i have tried multiple times to apologise, sent 100+messages trying to talk to ppl but they dont wanna listen. i was told later in december by the guy i used to like and the one who used to make fun of me actually did have feelings for me after-all. i’m so sick of these lies and manipulation

i am writing here very politely because i do not know where else to place this, and because the format asks for honesty without spectacle, which i appreciate, and because i am a woman who has spent years trusting her internal dashboard, my intuition, which has historically shown a low false-positive rate, almost annoyingly accurate, and now it is lighting up red and i am scared by that, not hysterical just concerned, like an analyst watching anomaly detection flags stack up with no clear root cause yet, and the subject is my husband, who i am quite sure is cheating on me even though i have no screenshots no lipstick no credit card receipts, just signals, micro-behaviors, shifts in cadence, metadata in the margins of our life, and yes i know about confirmation bias and availability heuristics and i try to correct for them like any reasonable adult, but my intuition has an audit trail and it has never failed, which makes this moment heavier, because if it is right then my marriage is compromised, and if it is wrong then i am the problem, and neither outcome is great 😕, i notice changes in his communication latency, the way his phone is now always face down which i once read was a “privacy management tactic” in a pop psych article, i notice grooming spikes before mundane errands, cologne at noon, gym shorts for grocery runs, and i tell myself correlation is not causation, very politely i remind myself of that rule, but then there is the tone shift, the politeness surplus toward me that feels like customer service not intimacy, and the absence of conflict which in relationship ops is sometimes a leading indicator of emotional outsourcing, i hate even typing that, it sounds dramatic, but i am trying to stay detached and objective, to speak in facts and probabilities not vibes, and still the vibe is screaming, my intuition is screaming, and that scares me more than the idea of cheating itself, because i have always relied on that internal compass for risk assessment, and now it is pointing somewhere i do not want to go, there are references people love to throw around like “trust your gut” or “the body keeps the score” and i have quoted those myself in other contexts, but when the gut implicates the person you built your life with, the advice feels cruel, like a systems alert you cannot mute, i have replayed conversations like call recordings, transcribed his words, noted semantic drift, affectionate language replaced by logistical phrasing, “let me know” instead of “i’ll be there”, and yes maybe this is just stress or aging or market volatility in a long-term partnership, i am open to that hypothesis, i would prefer it honestly, i am being very reasonable here i think, but my intuition keeps surfacing edge cases, the late meetings with vague deliverables, the sudden interest in data privacy, passcodes changing, and when i ask neutral questions i get what feels like over-explained answers, which any negotiator will tell you can be a leakage point, i am not angry, not yet, mostly i am tired and afraid and trying to remain courteous to myself and to him while i gather more information, because rash action has a high cost, and still at night i lie awake doing mental A/B testing of futures, one where i am right and must decide how to proceed with dignity, and one where i am wrong and must apologize for doubting, and both scenarios require emotional capital i am not sure i have, i keep thinking of a line i read somewhere, maybe a book maybe a tweet, “intuition is just pattern recognition trained by experience,” and if that is true then what pattern am i recognizing now, and why does it feel so urgent, so sharp, so unlike anxiety, more like clarity 😔, i am venting here because anonymity lowers the social risk and because i wonder, very politely, has anyone else had an intuition that scared them not because of what it said about their partner but because of what it forced them to confront about reality, and did you ignore it, did you validate it, did you run more tests or did you shut the system down, i am genuinely asking, because i am standing between data and denial and i do not know which is more dangerous right now.

I fucked up my maths exams today. It’s finals I can’t believe I made so made fucking small mistakes and it’s literally decreasing my marks. I EVEN TOLD MY PARENTS IT WAS WELL. I’m the only one who messed up my exams like this. I just wanna kill my self. I really wanna cry. I’m so scared to show my face to my parents.

I’ve been married for five years, and for most of that time, it truly felt like I was living in a dream. We rarely fought, shared the same values, and were building a life together that felt stable, even joyful. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love her.

But everything changed last year when she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It was aggressive. We tried everything — surgery, chemo, second opinions — but none of it helped. Now we’ve moved into palliative care. The focus is no longer on saving her, just on easing the pain.

A few weeks ago, she sat me down and told me something I wasn’t expecting. She said she had reconnected with her ex-boyfriend after her diagnosis. That at first, it was just talking — reminiscing, catching up — but over time, she realized she still had feelings for him. She told me she still loved me, but that she also loved him. And now, in what may be the final months of her life, she wanted to explore that connection again — not instead of me, but alongside me. She asked me to support her in it.

I asked if she had cheated, and she swore she hadn’t. She said it’s just been emotional, not physical. But I couldn’t shake what it meant. I tried to understand. I told her she was free to do what she wanted — I wouldn't make this any harder by talking about separation or divorce — but I also told her that I couldn’t keep pretending we were still the same couple. I couldn’t hold onto the version of us I thought was real, not with this hanging between us. Something had broken.

She was hurt, and I get why. She ended up going to stay with her parents. Since then, most of the people around me have turned cold. They see me as the one who walked away, the one who abandoned her when she needed support most. And maybe that’s true. Maybe I should’ve found a way to just accept it — to be there, unconditionally, knowing this is the end. But I couldn’t. I still can’t.

It's all coming apart, and it is my fault.

I think my sister is narcissistic?

I won't go into to much detail, because the past isn't relavent, but just to quickly summarize our current drama there has been tension between us for months because she wanted to watch a video, I told her no, she got angry at me, then she's made it her life mission to make me is miserable as possible. She shit talked me to all of my friends, told my commissioner to block me, refused to let me get into contact with people who commissioned me (logged me out of my account that I communicate to my customers on, then refused to let me have it back because 'she needed it more'), stole my package because it was "basically hers" cause I owed her a few dollars, She deleted multiple of my projects, she's been logging into my accounts and watching my activity on all of them, and she has been lingering in my room to see if I put anything new into it (she said this herself), and on top of that her lovely gaslighting! She keeps bringing up past events, hating on my friends to justify her honestly torment at this point towards me (things that I did when I was 15, I am currently 19) and it is making me miserable.

I have not been interacting with her because of the way she's been treating me, she finds this frustrating and takes every opportunity that I walk by her to comment on my physical apperance, my personality and my "lack of friends". I chose not to respond. This week, I thought things may have gotten better so I tried to approach her asking a geniune question. It was about tomodachi life, simple conversation, just asking how the game is because she had early access to it, she told be she was unable to run it on her computer, I told her I ordered a physical copy. She immediately accused me of lying, then when I clarfied she started asking me to share it with her, I told her id think about it, this seemed to irritate her even more, she then asked about a previous drama (for short context: she added me into a groupchat with people I was unfaimilar with where they were actively sending explicit photos, they were all alot older then me and they were making some.. interesting.. jokes, I started responding to some of the messages telling them to have some shame, yes it was petty, but there was no reason for her to add me into it) she claimed that me responding to her friends was harassment, and she told me that I should take accountability for it. I honestly, didnt care, I think revealing someone to nude pictures without their knowledge is far worse then a light hearted, almost playful, "have some shame". So I, yes im petty, ignored her, walked downstairs.

She follows me downstairs, screaming at me and calling me slurs, saying that im a harasser for sending messages in the groupchat and blaming me for giving her a panic attack when she saw me message in the groupchat. I told her to leave me alone, and stop harassing me, it was mocking, I kept repeating it over and over again to use her own logic against her, so shed leave me alone. I was being cocky, but I wasnt getting mad or verbally aggressive with her, she starts screaming that I never listen to her, I tell her that ive heard it 1000 times and im tired of her lies. she proudly declares she deleted my projects, I tell I already started a new one, So i dont care, she says good. She then goes on this whole tangent about how nobody in my family loves me, how im worthless and once my family sees through my "lies" they wont love me anymore, she says im insecure, lonely and manipulative, she says this is the reason why I dont have any friends. She goes on to call me the devils reincarnate, says that I had a master plan to make all her friends stop liking her (they stopped liking her because she sabatoged their reputations with blatant and lies, called them slurs, horrible names, blocked them everywhere, started a whole smear campaign against them i swear then expected them to come back to her. they disliked her for a reason.) She just said alot of awful things about me but I wasnt letting it get to me, I pointed out that she physically hurt me during an altercation, where she involved my mother, who looked at all the evidence and realized that my sister was lying once again, when my sister got caught, she pulled out her phone, recorded me, screamed and berated me, then threw a very thick dog treat that ended up hitting my head. I told her that somehow she finds this acceptable, but me messagign in the groupchat was a crime, she tried to go back to the groupchat, I told her I dont care, and I dont have anything to be sorry for, it was petty and stupid yes, but its not nearly as intense as anything shes done (PETTY I KNOW!). She cant win the argument because im tryna act like nothings getting under my skin, she screams that Im a worhtless loser as shes going up, I respond more mad this time, I say that she is the jobless one with no education so who is the real loser, she then screams "atleast im not ugly!" i asked her to repeat herself she calls me a "chud" and runs upstairs.

I told my mom word for word what happened, and my mum confronted my sister about it, and guess what my sister did. She told my mom that I lied and none of that happened, she told her that I started a conversation with her so (??) i couldnt hear her point, but she was denying everything, saying that I lied to gaslight and manipulate my mum into sympathizing and feeling sorry for me, then when my mom called her out on her lie, she screamed off the top of her lungs, got extremely aggressive, insulted me some more, then ran off.

Ive been spending time in the basement because im afraid of her temper and want to be left alone, ive been doing my homework and studying. She comes down, says that I am fat once again, says that I am hogging the tv (mind you, theyve been using the basement tv for three days in a row now), i tell her its not a crime to enjoy the new watching space she gets mad once again because ugh its alot of bickering, then she gets mad at me for rewatching invicinble, she calls me a "larp" (which means poser in the new age) and gets really mad that im watching invincible its so random, shes more mad about that then anything else, then she storms off.

What is her problem. Im also worried cause I was venting on my instagram account (THE NIGHT BEFORE) about how I felt lonely in the family cause everyone had their person but me, and then shes bringing up that im lonely unloved and nobody in the family cares about me. Do you think shes watching my instragram stories on my private account somehow? Im being really paranoid, sure, but shes been logging into all my stuff and that was like so ultra specific!

she even went through all my text messages with me and my mum! so i'm terrified to know how much control she has over my stuff-- I changed the passwords for now but I still feel paranoid as hell! I can't believe I trusted her with so much of my sensitive information. Its not the first time we got into a small argument which she escalates and tries to do anything in her power to hurt me! she's literally used her long nails to dig very aggressively into my arms when I told her that mum told her to take out the trash once, its not unlike her to get aggressive with me but it gets annoying when she cried harassment over a discord message but she physically hurts me, stalks me and is just creepy! She even admitted to me not even a week ago about how she dosen't actually care about any of this stuff she's just annoyed with me and everyone! so like-- what do i even do! this isn't even emotional its for the love of them game!

Do I just ignore her again? Im honestly scared of her.

i’ve been asking myself that question for a while now and i don't want to talk about that with my friends. like, i don’t do the stuff you see on tv or in movies, i’m not cutting or bleeding or anything like that. but sometimes when i get really anxious or angry or just... overwhelmed, i scratch at my arms or the back of my neck or even my legs, usually when no one’s around. i tell myself it's nothing, that it’s not serious. but then i look at my skin and it's red and sometimes raw, and i start wonderin if it does count. maybe i’m just being dramatic. or maybe i’m scared to admit that something's not okay with me. cause if i admit that, then what? do i tell someone? what if they think i’m just looking for attention? what if they don’t take me seriously cause i’m not “hurting myself the right way,” if that even makes sense.

i started doing it more during exams last year. the pressure just got to me and i felt like i was gonna explode. i didn’t even think about it at first — it was just a way to deal with the stress. dig my nails in, press hard, breathe, repeat. sometimes it helped me feel like i was in control, like i could focus my brain on that instead of everything else spinning around. but then one of my friends saw a mark on my wrist and was like “dude what happened there?” and i panicked. made up a story about my cat scratching me. i don’t even have a cat. i laughed it off, and he didn’t push, but afterward i felt so ashamed. like what the hell am i doing to myself? why can’t i just deal with life like a normal person?

it’s not like my life is that bad. i mean, i got a roof over my head, food, i’m doing ok in school, my parents are around even if we don’t talk much. but i just feel... numb half the time. and then randomly i’ll feel too much, like someone plugged my brain into an amp and cranked the volume up to 100. that’s when i start scratching. i guess it’s my way of trying to feel something real, or maybe it’s just a distraction. i don’t even know anymore. sometimes i do it and then sit there staring at the red marks, thinking “wtf is wrong with me.” other times i do it and just move on like nothing happened. like it’s normal. but it’s not, right? this can’t be normal.

i googled it one night and found people asking the same question. “is scratching yourself a form of self-harm?” and the answers weren’t super clear but most said yeah, it can be. self-harm isn’t always about blood. it’s about intention. and that kinda hit me. cause even if i’m not trying to “hurt” myself, i am trying to punish myself in a way. or escape something. or maybe both. i don’t know how to talk about it tho. i don’t even know if i want help or just someone to sit with me and say “i get it.” not fix me, not judge me, just get it. cause honestly the silence in my own head is sometimes the scariest part. i keep wondering if anyone else around me is going through this and just hiding it like i am.

so yeah, maybe scratching is a form of sh. maybe it’s not about what you’re using to hurt yourself but why you're doing it. i don’t want to keep doing this forever. i want to find a better way to cope. but for now, writing this is a start, i guess. if you're reading this and you’ve done the same thing — if you’ve ever sat in your room scratching at yourself and feeling like a freak — just know you’re not alone. i’m out here too, still figuring it out. still asking the same questions. and maybe, just maybe, that means we’re not as broken as we think.

My dad is a conspiracy theorist and it’s driving me insane. I think he is losing it mentally because he spends hours outside at night taking pictures and manipulating them to see crazy faces in the pixels and making up monsters. He makes me look at them all the time, He will wake me up in the middle of the night to look at them. If I don’t see what he sees, then he gets mad or upset with me. He is convinced that he has seen ghosts and talked to demons and made a deal with them.

Today he has been trying to convince me that the earth is flat by showing me a YouTube short. Yesterday he tried to convince me that dinosaurs weren’t real. I’ve tried to tell him I don’t like conspiracy stuff unless it makes sense, mainly about like company’s drama and stuff like that. He got upset and thought I didn’t like him and that I hated him, I tried to explain it to him and he still felt the same way for like a week. I felt bad and ended up just giving in to his delusions. I just tell him I see the stuff in the pictures, but I don’t believe the earth is flat and that dinosaurs weren’t real. He said I was stupid for believing in that. I just said that I had my opinion and I had his which he was thought stupid but agreed. Honestly I’m kinda getting tired of it because he will fake being possessed and make his voice deeper and slower. Sometimes he will fake pass out and me and my little sister have to shake him to get him to not fall over or to wake up. Sometimes he does it when we are in other rooms but will cough fake but loudly and if we don’t go in to help him, he will yell “Thanks for all the help!”. It’s kinda hard to deal with him like this when I already have derealization and him trying to convince me that everything is fake and that we live in a simulation and that we are just a giant test like the hunger games or some shit

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

yeah

idk know how to like

say this

without making it like

obvious

who its about

anyway

so like

it took me until like five minutes ago to figure this out

but I mean knowing me I've prob just been like

avoiding my feelings

for this long

bc like

what if they don't feel the same

like why is this what I'm thinking of

when I should be like

doing my work

like

why are they 99% of what I think of now

help me I'm going insane

*sobs*

and then like

what do I do with

with these like

these feelings

I don't wanna like

upset anyone

what do I do

ALSO HEY YOU (you know who you are) UHHHHHH YOU DIDN'T SEE THIS NUH UH UM ITS UHH THIS IS ABOUT ONE OF MY THEATRE FRIENDS TOTALLY HEH UM yeah...

Why? Why is this happening to me? I really don't get it. One year ago I would have been what people called a beautiful girl. Long hair, drenched in soft makeup, and tight clothes. So why did I cut my hair so short so suddenly? Why did I start to feel uncomfortable showing off my curves? Why do I get a void every time someone calls me with feminine pronouns?

I had a dream a week ago. Where I viewed myself as a boy. Is my brain accepting this too? Or maybe it's something deeper, that I refuse to acknowledge. To embrace.

Letting go of your old self hurts, but it's even more painful starting to love a new version of you.

Hello to whoever is reading, I hope you have a good day<3

Every day feels like an uphill battle!!! I’m 37, a housewife, and I manage everything in my household while trying to raise my two kids who are always bursting with energy. Some days, I just want to feel like a normal person again! But with the chaos of toys scattered everywhere, laundry piling up, and meal prep seeming like a never-ending chore, I find myself overwhelmed!!! Can anyone relate?!!! It’s easy to lose sight of my own needs when everyone else’s come first!!! Yet, here I am, crying for what feels like no reason at all. What is wrong with me?!!! I shouldn’t be crying, should I?!!! 🤷‍♀️

It’s not like I don’t love my kids!! I adore them, truly!!! But sometimes, I wonder if I’m going to lose my mind with the constant demands on my time and energy!!! I juggle their needs, their homework, their tantrums, and honestly, some days, I don’t know how to even put a smile on my face!!! Why do I feel so lost?!!! I’m always putting out fires and STRESSING!!! 😩 Maybe it’s the isolation of being a stay-at-home mom?! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I cherish the time I spend with my kids!!! But it can be so lonely without adult conversations!!! Does anyone else just feel like they need a break from the relentless cycle of parenting?!!!

Yet, I know this period is temporary!!! Somewhere deep down, I find hope!!! I think about how one day, my kids will grow up and maybe I’ll reclaim my freedom?! I constantly remind myself to appreciate the little moments that bring joy, the laughter that fills the air when we play or even those cozy movie nights! 🎥✨ I try to embrace the chaos, even when I feel like crying. It’s alright to cry sometimes, right?!!! It’s just one of those days!!! So, here’s to tomorrow!!! 💪 Let’s keep moving forward and cherish every precious moment!!!

I ain't one to air my laundry, but sometimes it's freeing to just lay it all out there. life throws curveballs, and boy, did i get hit by one. my husband, bless his heart, decided to test our vows a couple years ago. cheated on me, he did. now, i ain't saying i'm perfect, but that knock knocked the wind out of me. i'm 47, been around the block, and you'd think i'd seen it all, but nothing prepares you for your partner's betrayal. it ain't easy, letting go of that kind of hurt. easy living is what i wanted, but life had other plans. by the way, how long does it really take to forgive? learned from a wise soul that, "forgiveness ain't about forgetting, but about letting go of the hold that pain has over you." and ain't that the truth? let me tell you, releasing that grip ain't a one-and-done deal.

from that day, things changed. our house felt different, like the walls knew secrets they shouldn't. "once trust is gone, it's hard to earn it back." a cliché, sure, but reality is cliches exist for a reason. tried therapy, tried talking, tried understanding the why's and how's. maybe i could've seen it coming, maybe not. questions like a spinning wheel in my head, asking, did i do enough? was i overlooking the signs? but hey, blaming myself ain't gonna fix a thing. i've learned not to carry that burden. laid it on him, rightly so. he messed up, not me. relationships are tricky business, and cautionary tales abound. but man, it hurts to be the one people wag their tongues about, even if no names are named. staying put, that's my choice, 'cause the heart and mind have minds of their own. ever been in such a dilemma yourself? if so, you'll know it's a matter of picking the pieces, even when some might be missing.

'm figuring out the whole forgive but never forget thing. my puzzle's still got gaps, and that's okay. life's not about having it all figured out, is it? daily, i remind myself of the good times, but the shadows linger. ain't saying i'm a saint, but i'm being kind to myself. "to err is human; to forgive is divine," or so they say. not divine, just human, with all the flaws and sorrows that come with it. hesitations and doubts live rent-free in my head, but that's part of the package deal called moving on. we ain't perfect, not you, not me, not my husband. but i feel you gotta let people learn from mistakes, right? and if second chances are a deal-breaker for some, who am i to judge? life's too short to hold grudges, but it sure as hell ain't too short to forget. what about you? where do you draw the line between forgiving and forgetting?

I'm a 21-year-old girl, and have always had a tight bond with my elder sister, who's 25, despite our frequent disagreements. She's a bit of a perfectionist and tends to lash out when things don't align with her expectations. Recently, she reached out in the middle of the night as she started labor, requesting I care for her puppy. I agreed, and she painstakingly laid out detailed instructions, one of which was to ensure the puppy wore its safety harness while outside.

Complying with her instructions, I later took the puppy outside then back in. However, I didn’t remove his harness immediately upon returning. He dashed into the living room where my mother was engaged in a FaceTime call with my sister’s boyfriend. I finished removing the harness shortly thereafter, but it wasn’t quick enough. My sister, informed by her boyfriend of the slight delay in removing the harness, sent furious texts accusing me of neglecting her dog. Her outrage escalated to a phone call, during which she branded me as lazy and unreliable, and demanded my mother and I vacate her home. Furthermore, she decreed we would not see the newborn until we had regained her trust.

Around 2 AM, we left her place. I attempted to discuss the situation with her boyfriend at his arrival, only to be dismissed with a curt, “We’re having a kid, you don’t get an explanation.” That night, consoling a deeply distressed mother, I pondered over the potential repercussions of my sister's actions—her boyfriend missing crucial moments at the hospital due to her unfounded allegations, the impression my mom’s torment made on her in-laws, and the overall strain on family relationships.

The next morning, my sister called to apologize, attributing her overreaction to stress and hormones, and invited us to meet her baby. Although the visit proceeded without incident, she questioned my subdued demeanor. I expressed how hurtful her actions were, noting how her hostility and the subsequent eviction left a sour memory for all involved. Instead of acknowledging my feelings, she defended her actions, reiterated her offensive remarks, and asked me to leave. Our communication ceased thereafter.

I can’t help but reflect: if this familial drama unfolded on a reality TV show, would the audience be sympathetic to my predicament or view it as an overreaction? The public often relishes dramatic confrontations but also values strong familial bonds and understanding, especially during pivotal moments like childbirth. It's unclear how others might perceive our situation under the heightened scrutiny of a televised platform.

I fixed myself for you, just like you wanted me to! You wanted that, right? Of course you did. You saw I was broken and so I fixed it.

What did I fix? Well, I'm so glad you asked!

I'm not a Kpop fan anymore!

Why? You know why. You said it yourself: you saw my crushes on Kpop guys as parasocial. The connotation you gave the word was negative, so obviously you saw that part of me as broken. So I fixed it!

Here I am. New and improved!

Is there anything else you'd like me to fix?

...

oh.

You want me to fix that?

Don't worry, if it'll make you happy, I'll do it!

You'll recieve your new and improved Me in a day or two!

For now, enjoy the only slightly broken me!

Because this is what you want, right?

Of course it is.

And don't try to tell me otherwise. We both know I'll never be enough for you if I stay just the way I am. We both know I'll never be able to be a good friend to you if I'm just myself.

So let me change for you.

I might lose a bit of myself in the process, but if it makes you happy I don't care.