Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I'm at the point in life where I don't really know what I want in my life anymore. I'm still in highschool, a senior to be in fact, I should have had my plan already ready by now but it's not.

I honestly didn't think I made it this far but here I am I guess.

Anyway, yeah. I don't know what I want in life anymore. I want to become a doctor or an engineer yet my family doesn't have enough money for either, plus they would have preferred if I had just focused on preaching. So my dream jobs are clearly out of the way.

I'd be an artist but that doesn't really get you anywhere does it? Especially with the rise of ai 'art' and so many better and more talented artists- it'll be nearly impossible to make a name and a living.

Writer? No. I used to love writting but now I have no passion for it as much as I used to. Plus my writting is mediocre, boring and plaid even.

Maybe a family women? No. I'm not exactly good enough to be a trophy wife or a housewife.

Religion? Well I don't know. I do love God. I really try to but the thing is that religion kinds destroyed my relationship with God. Does that make sense? I love God, I just don't like what some (or most) of his people had done to his name.

Suicide? I don't know. My religion has only ever taught me that death is death. Nothing happens. You don't go to an afterlife, or hell or heaven not you don't get reincarnated. You just go to a deep slumber.

And as much as that sounds good to me, it scares me.

So yes. There doesn't seem to be a path for me anymore. I guess to put it simply; I'm lost. Very very lost.

It isn't helping that graduation is coming up soon, that means my time to make a choice is limited.

To be honest, I really do just want to best for me and others. So I hope to whoever is up there to lead me to it

I think I like most music... But I can't really tell. I usually adjusted to the music other people liked. Or I simply was too afraid to stand up for the music that I actually liked.

I remember being in elementary school and I saw my first K-pop video... I can't remember who they were, but this girl who seemed to be nice wanted to share her interest in music... K-pop. I was young and honestly pretty stupid back then... And scoffed at her saying it wasn't real music... She then said, if you don't like the music, at least look at the cute boys... I looked, I blushed and the lied and said..."they're not my type"... And that was a forking lie!! I have sinned! I love K-pop now... But I was again, very stupid and judgemental back in my tiny-tot days.

My favorite group is Stray Kids... But my mom would always mistake them for Stray Cats🤣!! If any K-pop came on the radio, my mom would be like... "Is this the Stray Cats"😂!? Mew😹! At some point I just agreed that my favorite K-pop group was officially Stray Cats whenever I was with my mom!

My favorite songs from them mostly consist of their Oddinary album. But I like the song Railway, Red Lights, and Drive... Yes, my brain is sludge and I need to touch grass... So what🤪! Railway's music video kinda creeped me out though... Since it seemed to have a horror theme to it. I respect the horror genre, but I would've readily watch it willingly... Unless it's Stray Kids(Stray Cats)!

Alexa doesn't seem to register when is say..."Alexa"..."play Stray Kids Oddinary Album". She doesn't seem to understand that Oddinary is an original word by Stray Kids(Stray Cats). So I have to manually tell her the title and group I want her to play for me😭! But get this... She understands what Maxident is! Or was it Maxidant? I can't remember the spelling?

I don't know if I like art? I always thought I did. But whenever I'm around real art fans, I just feel like an uneducated potato. And I honestly don't wanna hear the stories behind art or their meanings. I simply enjoy the way they look. If they bring any feeling to me without any description or knowledge given to me. But again, being around art buffs... It's not easy to make conversation with them when they seem to wanna talk about the artists, or their techniques, or the meaning behind a certain piece of art. I just like to look at it. Plain and simple.

It seems unbelievable, but I'm in love. As I unburden myself to her in these terrible ways, I find light in the way I see her as attractive. I no longer distance myself, and I confess, out of prejudice. Which surprises me, really. You don't know where your mind is going in this business. One moment you think one way and the next you think another. It's as if I still can't appreciate how beautiful the moments with her were.

Unfortunately, not everything is wonderful. She reminds me of a girl I knew from college who fell in love with me and did everything she could to prevent it. In a crazy way, too, with the same people from the university supporting her. Her priority was her life before her feelings; that's how separated the issue was. In other words, her life was governed by her feelings; in fact, she had buried them in order to be with others, others enjoying themselves, and herself relaxing. What a miserable life, frankly. How can it be done? She ran away from her crush. Who knows if this is her first crush?

How many times does one fall in love in life? And the girlfriend overrides those feelings? How can that be? How is it possible that an entire university prioritized a union over a crush? This already shows that no one cares about who they are, only about maintaining order. What macabre selfishness. And they did everything possible to keep me in that same line, to destabilize me, to be at the mercy of suggestion, hiding the truth. Even my entourage participated in this. Is it fair? I don't think so at all.

We appeased, we sent that girl's feelings to earth unfairly. She had the right to be in love. Now, being in love will also identify with problems, given that after her mistreatment, which resulted in violence, I had to call a psychologist because I was the one who received her, supported by her people, even outside the university. Is this fair? We buried this girl's feelings. The simple fact of experiencing them, in a way, the way she had, sent her to hell. How could we be like that with her? And the worst part is that she's the one who told me to get out of her life when others had influenced me. Furthermore, she continues with the people who influenced her and who influenced me to such an extent. Furthermore, she influenced me with her violence. Is it really fair? Is it really fair that this girl can't experience feelings?

So, we all wash our hands. Everyone does what she wants and that's it, all to get out of the mess. No one admits responsibility, of course. In my case, I was over the moon, I couldn't admit any responsibility, but she even understood that. That thing with her was a disaster; it was a game with her feelings, an outrage, it wasn't fair. The worst part is that she defended me just so I'd leave. I remember seeing her with her hand trembling in front of me. Of course, I didn't trust her or anyone around her either. I was on my own, it was always like that, and they assumed it wasn't like that, who knows why, and then she had to push me away because of that assumption. But what a disaster it feels like.

In short, in that situation, what mattered more was order, everyone going their separate ways, the girl and me talking, than anything else. Everyone there was safe, except for her, who had given birth and was in the worst possible situation. Why didn't anyone do anything? Why didn't that university do anything if it even had a psychologist? Forty days had passed, and I couldn't believe that girl was like that, and on top of that, with the others all making bad faces, wanting to make her feel worse, since I'm capable of going to the necessary legal extremes. Is this fair? How selfish of all of us. No one cares about anyone.

How is this girl going to express her feelings now? Her feelings, the only way she had of expressing them, the only loving way, were sent to hell, and she didn't know what to do. Why did we have to be this way with her? Of course, I had to protect myself from her. Also, the question: Why did I include myself in this? If I was violated, I was incapacitated, and in addition to protecting myself from others, I had to safeguard my physical and perhaps even physical integrity. Why do I include myself in this mess? I have no business being in that mess.

What I observe, first, is that those around me encouraged my going to the psychologist, given the game with expectations—I was always congruent—no one supported what that girl felt—I did—and also always buried her feelings—I never did that. This is an environment that does not give rise to emotions and on top of that makes their expression grotesque as a result of this, when finding a chance, it becomes aggressive and therefore distancing the person from possibility and consequently, this makes it an absorbing environment and blurs the person because we are according to feelings, without them we are also something but given to Machiavellianism, that is, there are intentions behind it, and therefore she's not a person evolving, but completely out of step with the reality embodied in her psyche. Given this, I fully supported her.

That said, then, how can it be that I was the only one who supported that girl? How is it possible that I was the only one? Why didn't anyone else do it? Why am I the only one who has to act for her health? Out of respect for her? Does this even make sense? Furthermore, acting at all costs according to her decisions, whatever they may be, a question that I even had to make methodological. Why does it have to be this way? Why did I have to go to such extremes? I don't understand. Does no one want to take care of her, and only me, but going to such extremes and thus pushing her away? Why did this have to happen? Why should the only person who supports her be the one who has to distance herself, while those who aren't closest to her are left behind? It's not fair. No wonder she revealed herself to them! I'm already becoming somewhat aware of the situation, and she became aware of it before the second-to-last time I saw her.

How hard it was for me to recognize that she had become aware of the situation. Furthermore, it was a truly tyrannical effort for her. How would she feel if she didn't? Naturally, she explodes in anger and takes advantage of the situation, because she can't stand it anymore. After I brought her to the psychotherapist, she couldn't stand it anymore. It was going to result in the typical bias: she yells at me, explodes, and I say this is such and such. Fortunately, that girl trusted the wisdom of my decisions. It's not just about looking after her feelings, but also about setting boundaries, which is also about looking after them, given that she looks after me and her in an egalitarian and non-burdensome way for both of us, which allows us to be in this relationship. That relationship never ended. However, I must admit, I don't feel like I'm in love with her, under any circumstances.

With her, I admit it, I only supported her feelings as much as I could, as much as she allowed. The fact that she was in love with me was something I had to value because she considered me for a life with me, and I think that's a great honor, not a cause for annoyance or unworthiness in any sphere. I consider her feelings sacred in every way, and they should be treated that way, not with masks or anything like that, complacency or anything like that. I feel that I prevented the same thing they did to me with her. From what I can say from that experience, she was a responsible, fair person, constantly expanding her prudence, managing to uphold these values ​​even in conditions that were impossible for many people.

Meanwhile, I continue my love affair, which, frankly, I see is reciprocal. Fortunately. I hope to do things well.

I REALLY DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU HAVE your own ideas and requirements but don’t say them upfront. You wait until I’ve completed everything and then demand a full revision of my work.

From the start, it was agreed that I would be fully responsible for designing this website. But now that I’ve designed it, you keep insisting on changes. And then you tell me that if I had scheduled a meeting earlier, none of these issues would have happened.

You were the one who asked me to design it, and now you’re the one saying it doesn’t look good. In the end, you also want everything done according to your exact preferences. Why the hell didn’t you just lay out your design from the beginning? Now that I’ve done all the work, you want it entirely your way!

I really hate it when people keep their ideas to themselves and only start nitpicking after I’ve already done the work. If you’re so great at it, do it yourself! Damn it!

I must have been out of my mind to agree to be your business partner!

My dad’s 66th birthdayy is tomorrow and my siblings and I (4 total) were planning to go out to dinner with him tonight to celebrate. Growing up, we never went out to restaurant or even got take out. Once we hit our teens we didn’t even eat at the dinner table together or at the same time. Now we’re all grown, with me being the youngest (30) and we’re trying to do things together that we never did such as a family dinner.

My dad is notorious for catching an attitude leading up to a holiday or occasion. I’m talking birthdays, Christmas, ground hogs day, the last day to do taxes. If it’s in a calendar, he automatically catches a mood at least two days prior to the day and holds it.

Somehow I was placed in charge of arranging this dinner and I was told to invite my oldest brother (my mother’s first born) and his wife to the dinner. This was done prior to the attitude. Yesterday, I get the message from my sister that he’s In a mood and going on a mumbling rant about whatever and I would most likely want to cancel dinner. I didn’t, I held out to figure out what was going on.

Now here we are todayy, there’s animosity in the air, he locked up in a room all day not speaking to anyone. So I have to text my oldest brother that we’re cancelling. — But seriously. It’s embarrassing. I don’t want to tell my brother that we can’t have dinner because my dad doesn’t know how to act. Should we have gone without him??

Fuck. FUCK, MAN. Just. Fuck.

I can't.. I just need to get some of this out. Its drowning. Memories man. Feelings. Old and new.

I remember mother and father fighting and the violence of it. He'd had enough, himself no better a place than us. A house of terror. No one was safe. But he's the protector. He's supposed to be the one with power, with Command. He's supposed to be the strong one. All the machismo falls away

She's broken him, at least then. He left. I cower in the corner. This is where it all began, where she gave herself permission to become the evil she did. I should have left. He turns to me, I'm on the balcony. Mom says she will kill me if I leave the house. I believe her. He remarks on her begininning drug habits, her whoring

I cry out for him. He turns and says "Don't worry my son!" he says it in Spanish. Our mother tongue.

"I'll come back for you! I'll come back for you!!!"

He doesn't. Not hard enough. Years go by, all alone alone. She does it all. I see it all. He knew enough, they all knew. the distant ones. No help, but they knew. he promised me he promised me, and now I struggle. now I'm broken and alone. wh didn't you come back for me dad? God damn you. Damn us all. I lost everything because of them. Left to die with her. Somehow lived. But I'm dead anyways, inside. Breathe in and out. Just need to breathe. God help me. I forgive him. I forgive my dad. He was broken too. But responsibility. parents responsibility. no excuse. his responsibility. should have done anything, even kill her. Wouldn't let my son suffer as I did. I'd never. they knew they knew what she was doing and they left me. God why did they leave me

Hi folks!

Ok, here is my story... I feel like I can't be right in this situation but I don't feel guilty either...

That evening, I went to pick up my three-year-old and five-year-old from daycare, as my wife had to accompany our eldest, who's 12, to a sports practice. Realizing the kids were probably hungry, and thinking a little treat would be nice, I decided to skip heading straight home and instead went to a nearby restaurant. While settling in, I glanced at my phone and noticed a message from my wife, revealing she had prepared dinner for the kids before leaving. Unfortunately, we were already at the restaurant, and it felt too disruptive to reverse course, so we went ahead with our meal out.

Upon returning home and when my wife arrived, I mentioned my late discovery of her text, and that we ended up dining out. This revelation didn't sit well with her. She was quite upset, accusing me of wasting the effort she'd put into making dinner. Despite my attempts to explain the misunderstanding and assure her there was no disregard intended for her efforts, she labeled my actions as inconsiderate.

Was my decision truly inconsiderate? Is it wrong to miss a text and make a decision based on what seemed best at the moment? I feel stuck no matter what I choose.

Imagine this scenario playing out on a reality show. How might the audience react? Would they sympathize with the spontaneity of dining out with young kids, or critique it as a lack of communication and respect towards the effort of meal preparation? Reality TV thrives on such disputes, often magnifying normal day-to-day disagreements for dramatic effect. Viewers might be divided, with some appreciating the father's desire to do something nice for his kids, while others side with the mother, feeling her efforts were disrespected.

Yesterday night turned into one of the strangest and most unsettling experiences of my life. I’m 41, married for 13 years, and I thought I had a pretty solid grasp of where my marriage stood, but last night really shook me. My wife went out with her girlfriends, which I’ve never had a problem with—she deserves time with her friends just as much as I do. Usually she texts me at least once to say where she is or when she’ll be home. But this time, I lost all contact with her. Her phone went off, no messages, no updates, nothing. For 24 hours I had no idea where she was. I barely slept, checking my phone every ten minutes, even calling some of her friends who gave me vague responses like “she’s fine, don’t worry.” Fine? How am I not supposed to worry when my wife is just gone without explanation? It felt like those long nights back when we were first dating, when she’d sometimes disappear after arguments, except now it’s not just some casual relationship—it’s our life, our home, our marriage. By the time she walked through the door the next evening, I was a mix of relief and boiling anger. I asked where she’d been, and she said she didn’t remember where she slept. Didn’t remember. Who comes home after a night out, missing for 24 hours, and just says that?

I’ll be honest, I lost it. I yelled at her like I haven’t in years. I accused her of cheating, because how else can you explain being unreachable for an entire day, coming home with vague and nonsensical answers? She kept saying things like “I think I crashed at someone’s place” or “we had too much fun, I’m not sure.” That just made me angrier, because I know her memory isn’t usually that bad, and even when she’s drunk she still remembers the basics. She didn’t smell like alcohol, her clothes didn’t seem dirty, and she acted almost too casual about it all. I felt like a fool, standing there with my voice raised, demanding answers, while she just shrugged and gave me half-sentences. After a while, I realized I wasn’t even getting anywhere—I was yelling into a wall. So I stopped. I sat down, let her walk away, and just stared at the table for what felt like forever. It reminded me of when my dad used to disappear for days when I was a kid, always coming back with some excuse, and how much I hated that uncertainty; now here I was reliving that same feeling, only with the person I chose to build my life with.

Now, a few hours later, I’m calm but still completely lost. I keep replaying it in my head, wondering if I overreacted by yelling, or if my reaction was justified. On one hand, I know trust is the backbone of any marriage, and disappearing without explanation for 24 hours is a massive breach of that trust. On the other hand, I can’t prove anything happened, and maybe she really was just careless with her phone and drank too much. But how do I get past the fact that her answers don’t make sense, that she seemed almost rehearsed in being vague? I don’t want to be the jealous, paranoid husband who jumps to conclusions, but I also don’t want to be the naive guy who ignores red flags. I’ve never felt this unsure before. Do I press harder for the truth, or do I let it go and hope it doesn’t happen again? Part of me thinks about counseling, another part thinks about giving her space, and another part thinks maybe I’m already losing her and this is the beginning of the end. Am I overreacting? Or would anyone else in my position feel the same way 😔?

so I'm a very easily irritated person. I'm a little insecure about the way my body looks so I usually just take selfies. I don't like taking pictures of my body.

Today, my family and I went to this one place it was very beautiful. I told them I just wanted to take a selfie. Then my sister keeps on asking me why not, why not, I got a little irritated. Then she said that I don't even want to take pictures with my own mother. The way she talks always makes me look bad.

Now my mother is taking her side saying why did I act out. She always makes me ruin the mood. Because everyone knows how I am so they never blame my sister. They blame me because I'm the one that got mad. I never said I didn't want to take pictures I just wanted to take selfies only that's all.

And somehow I'm the problem again.

She always does this. She always pushes me to the edge. I get mad. I'm the problem.

Just because of a single picture, to them I ruined the whole experience

Does anyone know how to heal fearful avoidant attachment? Maybe you think it sounds ridiculous and maybe I sound ridiculous but believe me when I'm saying I've fought this thing tooth and nail. Fearful avoidant attachment is like living in a constant state of dissonance. You're caught waiting for the other shoe to drop, even if nothing indicates it's anywhere near dropping. A part of you wants closeness so bad but the second it's within reach, you're devising elaborate ways to flee from it. Have read therapists call this "protest behavior", illustrating our inner conflict perfectly.

Anyway, here’s what bugs me: mental health experts insist on "proactive intervention" or "self-reflection activities". Translation: daily journaling sounds more fun than tearing off bits of emotional armor? Or they promote consistent therapy practices, but, who's paying these bills? Like oh boy thanks for such practical advice I mean who isn’t excited about therapies that are two times more expensive than your regular cup of coffee! Yet shocker highly individualized approaches seem cheaper (note sarcasm;). How can I possibly consider detaching emotionally from every person that's just out there doing things which pretty much reiterates their own version of disappointing others?

Don’t want to sound blunt however bf of mine said "You should write self-gratitude lists"... Okay buddy guess nobody told him anxious detached gal likes witty humor not butterflies and cookies! Sure coaching suggests we foster bonds weekly with peers prioritizing safe opportunities instead higher actuation downtime alone building pseudo-courses aimed specifically designed getting disconnected sorts wrongs possible, voila quick-fix mindset shifted! The matter is neither physiological genetic driven factor rather suggest mindful individuals critique awareness attach systems deeply internal resolutions engage. That's it guidance worlds burnt incorrectly poll confusing lament without identifying nuances involved journeys navigating interpersonal interactions varying spectrums societal settings. Not assuming altogether nuance clarified either way suggestion count?

I want to be in a relationship soo bad.I want to have someone to love me dearly for who I am.I want to have somebody to hug me after a bad day.I want to have somebody there for me.But unfortunately i’m weird,i’m chopped and i think that everyone that ever liked me were just pretending.Oh and i also rejected someone that liked me and now i regret it.

I used to be a happy and loving person, always smiling, always happy to work my job. But ever since gambling was introduced to my life, all of that Changed. Work has been getting hard to do, I hate seeing other people, I hate doing anything. I just want to die.

I've lost faith in God, i've lost faith in friendship, relationships, even parents. Because nothing has ever helped me.

I Know it's mostly my fault, I don't blame anyone or anything. But I'm sick of living this way.

someone please, I want to stop, Please.

Im 24 for context and living with my dads parents who are expecting me to go to church but I dont even believe or want to be back in mormonism so Im just sitting here dreading it as they get ready for church.

Every day feels like an uphill battle!!! I’m 37, a housewife, and I manage everything in my household while trying to raise my two kids who are always bursting with energy. Some days, I just want to feel like a normal person again! But with the chaos of toys scattered everywhere, laundry piling up, and meal prep seeming like a never-ending chore, I find myself overwhelmed!!! Can anyone relate?!!! It’s easy to lose sight of my own needs when everyone else’s come first!!! Yet, here I am, crying for what feels like no reason at all. What is wrong with me?!!! I shouldn’t be crying, should I?!!! 🤷‍♀️

It’s not like I don’t love my kids!! I adore them, truly!!! But sometimes, I wonder if I’m going to lose my mind with the constant demands on my time and energy!!! I juggle their needs, their homework, their tantrums, and honestly, some days, I don’t know how to even put a smile on my face!!! Why do I feel so lost?!!! I’m always putting out fires and STRESSING!!! 😩 Maybe it’s the isolation of being a stay-at-home mom?! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I cherish the time I spend with my kids!!! But it can be so lonely without adult conversations!!! Does anyone else just feel like they need a break from the relentless cycle of parenting?!!!

Yet, I know this period is temporary!!! Somewhere deep down, I find hope!!! I think about how one day, my kids will grow up and maybe I’ll reclaim my freedom?! I constantly remind myself to appreciate the little moments that bring joy, the laughter that fills the air when we play or even those cozy movie nights! 🎥✨ I try to embrace the chaos, even when I feel like crying. It’s alright to cry sometimes, right?!!! It’s just one of those days!!! So, here’s to tomorrow!!! 💪 Let’s keep moving forward and cherish every precious moment!!!

I wrote a post here a couple of days ago because I was struggling with my own feelings towards my bestfriend. Quite a few people made some helpful comments and suggestions with im grateful for.

i decided to write some more in this post to clarify some things and hopefully get some more advice. this weird in between “situationship” (i hate that word) has been going on now for just under a year. over the course of this time it’s been a bit on and off, and we’ve butted heads and had conflict as you could probably assume. we’ve had the conversation of “what is this” quite a few times, but that was mainly in the beginning, when things were the most turbulent and confusing. the consensus of those conversations though, were that i wanted more, and that he wanted more too, but due to a past relationship he had he was wary because of distance.

i don’t mind how things are now. i’m not exactly pursuing a relationship currently, id be fine if i ended up in one, but it’s not my main focus.

i guess my problem is, i feel like i don’t know where at all i stand with him. and he makes it extremely difficult to ask, well atleast he has made it difficult in the past. so i wouldn’t even know how to approach it now.

any thoughts and advice are appreciated :)