Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

How can I stop feeling insecure in those big meetings with a roomful of older men? It's infuriating when they don't bother to listen to my ideas, even though I know my stuff. I'm 32, a woman in this male-dominated industry, and it's always the same story: heads nodding politely but ignoring me! The energy in these meetings feels so off-balance sometimes... maybe it's because I find myself second-guessing everything I say?

I'm not the only one who's felt sidelined at work, right?! There's got to be a way to make my voice heard without resorting to shouting or making a scene. Confidence is key... they say. But how do you maintain it when you're navigating such toxic waters? It's like walking on eggshells every damn day.

This isn't just about me trying to "fit in." How can we have productive meetings if forward-thinking ideas are dismissed just because they come from someone who doesn't fit their mold? Frustration grows and productivity wanes. What's it going to take for these guys to finally sit up and take notice?

I've been outperforming some of these men by leaps and bounds! Yet the doubt creeps in whenever I'm expected to present something crucial. It's not fair! I want solid feedback on my proposals!! not condescension or dismissal.

I won't let this intimidate me forever! There's hope yet... I'm determined to find strategies that empower and bolster my confidence despite this perpetual obstacle course. So here it is: how do you stay secure in your skin when everyone around you seems intent on undermining your authority?

yet im not sad. Not anymore. I go out and eat do shit on my own. I have social circles, people i talk to, but i get this feeling that at the end of the day my path is the one that strays. If my path comes across with yours, so be it, but im not banking on having anyone on this path with me. Sad? Sometimes. Tragic? Depends. Liberating? Depends on you past experience. Am i enjoying it? Sure, but at this point idk if its cause im used to the crippling loneliness or if i have truly changed for the better.

And i actively defend this lifestyle from people. I be going out at 2 am gettin burgers on my own, and i tell people i be hanging out with people. Whats with the lie? I suppose... i no longer have hope that people will understand.

Ironically, im putting this out there just to be seen.

Alexithyma

noun

the inability to recognize or describe one's own emotions.

My friend is married and has a wife and a kid. I love him platonically and I've often worried that us being close can be perceived as anything other than pure friendship. I'm a girl for context. We're both in our 20s. I've never been in a relationship, but all my friends including him are aware i'm not interested in dating. I'm also on the asexuality spectrum. Our friendshio has always been pure but things have been getting weird. I wonder if it's my fault. I'm heavily engaged in fandom things whereas he isn't. Anyway he'sknown since forever that I read fanfiction, even messed up kinds. Smut fic makes me fall asleep. Recently, he asked if there was any tropes i liked and I told him. But Idk why despite telling him im on the ace spectrum he kept relating it to me in a sexual way? It made me uncomfortable because i never imagine myself when I'm reading those. They've always been abstract to me. He's also recently been giving out hypothetical if i were single scenarios and I want to run away because it sounds like theres something more to it and I dont want any of that. I cant help but feel mad that he's being like this. I dont want to label but he's been dumping things on me emotionally that he won't dump on his wife, even though I've told him repeatedly he should.

My friend keeps telling me worrying things like sometimes he just wants to kill humself but what's the point and how he's numb and depressed. and same thing I tell him to talk to his wife or go to a therapist. It's been so draining and I'm getting so anxious. Like why are you being like this 😭

I love him dearly as a friend but how he's acting makes him seem like such a sleaze right now (i told him about things i like reading in fiction and he keep relating it to me sexually) and it's frustrating because he doesnt feel safe anymore :(

I've got two daughters, who are each unique in her own way; I'll refer to them here as Julie and Elaine. Julie is the older one by just a year. Their adolescent years could not have been more different. Julie was a challenging teen, always finding ways to sneak out at night, getting caught up in minor thefts, and constantly fibbing about her activities. School was a battleground for her, and nothing came easy. Meanwhile, Elaine was pretty much the poster child for good behavior, excelling academically and staying out of trouble.

When both girls entered high school, I felt it was time they should learn to be more independent, so I allowed them to go out on their own. Elaine handled this freedom with aplomb, but it wasn’t long before Julie was back to her old tricks, often shoplifting when out. Naturally, her independence was curtailed every time she took a step back in trustworthiness. This pattern repeated itself several times across different situations, whether it was about using the car or going on trips. By the time Julie was 16, we collectively decided on therapy, although she was vehemently opposed and grew even more restless and frustrated, feeling cornered and forced into something she despised.

She was also growing increasingly bitter toward Elaine, whom she viewed as the favored child, primarily because Elaine, abiding by the rules, faced fewer restrictions. When Julie turned 18, she chose to move in with my sister. Sadly, that situation ended direly when she stole from her aunt, who felt compelled to take legal action. This brush with the law was a wake-up call for Julie, and she began to mend her ways.

However, tensions surfaced again recently. I offered Julie a ride, during which she commented on Elaine's car, which she bought from another family member. Julie suggested she deserved a similar vehicle, hinting at unfair treatment compared to her sister. I tried to explain that the differences in their adolescent privileges were due to trust issues stemming from Julie's past actions, not favoritism. This explanation did not sit well with her, igniting a bout of anger for "bringing up her past."

My wife feels I might have been too blunt and that I should have approached the conversation more gently, even if what I said was the stark truth.

Imagine for a moment if all of this unfolded not just within the confines of our family, but openly, on a reality TV show. The dynamics and tensions would certainly be magnified under the scrutiny and commentary of the public and social media, potentially influencing our actions and reactions. Public opinion could sway perceptions of fairness or bias, perhaps even playing a role in how family issues are resolved. It raises an interesting question about the impact of external viewpoints on personal family matters.

I’m so embarrassed!!! And I feel like this is the end of everything!!!

Oh my god!! What is wrong with me! And I feel so bad!! So so sorry!!

Ok, getting to the point now. So little context here. I’m leaving for grad school in like 3 weeks. That’s it. 1,2,3, gone. And this last couple months has been a little hard. I’ve really tried to keep it under wraps, but it ALL came spilling out last night. Anyway, my boyfriend of 3 years is going on a trip. He goes on this trip every year to the same place with his dad and his brother. They plan for it for around the same time every year. But in turn for this one trip, my boyfriend must sacrifice any future time off. More context, I’ve been planning a trip right before I leave. Not even a full week, just 4-5 days. And I know from the past that if I ask I’ll be told no. So I didn’t really tell him I wanted him to come. But I do. I had this unrealistic expectation that he would not go fishing one year so he could come on a trip with me since he knows we don’t have a lot of time together left. And it’s a lot to ask of someone, so I kept it to myself. But all this week he’s been working extra long hours to compensate for leaving. And I made sure to be at the house every night so we could see each other a little before he leaves, but it was more like he would get home super late, eat dinner, we’d chat about our day for an hour, and he’d go to sleep. And of course he put off packing until the last day. I had had a long day, so I decide I want to have a drink chillax and read a book while I waited. I grab one, and I didn’t realize that I was so dehydrated that two drinks and I was drunk. Which isn’t normally that big of a deal. But he’d been packing for 2 hours and I was spinning and thinking of all the things that have happened this year- graduated college, moved in with boyfriend, went through 3 different jobs, best friend moved away, parents divorced, and all the little things throughout the week, and I had a panic attack. I was overwhelmed and drunk. And I feel so bad cause he had to comfort me, but he should have been packing and I was just a problem, and he probably is so annoyed and is questioning everything, cause everything came out! All my emotions and just all the build up and maybe I wanted a little bit of attention, cause there had been so little this whole week and there won’t be any next week, but it was the totally wrong way to go about it. I wasn’t planning on getting that intoxicated, but I didn’t do a very good job at monitoring myself either. Anyway, there were a lot of tears, some falling over, just an overall hot mess. And I told him all the things I was feeling- just everything! In no coherent order or way! And I feel so bad, cause it was such a asshole move of me!

Anyway, that’s my rant. I feel bad, and now I’m hung over and my boyfriend is probably glad to have some distance from me.

“Goodnight, mom,” I whispered into the darkness.

“Goodnight, my dear,” I saw the door open, the light from the hall momentarily pouring in, then the door closed, locking me in darkness once again.

Despite all that had happened that day, I was asleep before long.

----------

I opened my eyes, but I wasn’t in my bedroom. Rather, I was somewhere... else. Somewhere very else indeed.

I shut my eyes. I waited for my mind to calm down. Then I opened them again. I took a look at my surroundings.

I was in a place. Where this place was, I had no idea. But the whole place seemed strangely familiar. The floor was a checkerboard of white, red, yellow, blue, and green tiles. There were large white pillars every few feet. And the feeling the place gave me... a shiver ran down my spine. It felt temporary, like I wasn’t supposed to be there too long.

Well. If I was supposed to get going, I supposed I would.

I started wandering aimlessly, trying to find a door, but the space seemed to never end despite the fact that I could see the walls on either side of me and behind me. I walked and walked for maybe ten minutes.

I started to feel fatigued. Suddenly, something felt... off. Something was shifting in the universe. Something told me I’d been there too long.

I blinked. Before me was a door that definitely had not been there before. Hesitantly, I turned the knob. I pushed the door open.

Before me was a hallway. It looked like one you'd find in a hotel, except I couldn’t see an end. The corridor was poorly lit, and the walls lined with doors. None of them had handles.

This place gave me a weird feeling, just like the first had: I’ve been here before, this is temporary, don’t stay for too long. But it also felt kind of... in-between, like it was there and nowhere at the same time. Like a threshold between... realities.

I felt the sudden urge to get to the end of the hallway. Part of me wanted to act on that. But another part of me said to turn around and go back to the other place. And yet another part was telling me to...

Wake up?

I shook my head and started walking.

And I walked.

And walked.

A n d w a l k e d.

Andwalkedandwalkedandwalkedandwalkedand-

I reached the end.

Finally.

There was a door not unlike the one I’d come through. I reached out to turn the knob, to get out, finally. There was a sense of finality to this door, like it was the last.

But right before I put my hand on the knob, I stopped.

Froze.

Listened.

To a little voice in my head.

My curiosity.

What’s behind the other doors? I wondered.

I backtracked a few. One of the doors felt right. I stopped. I faced it.

Like all the other doors, it had no handle. But it was also different from the others. It seemed... familiar. And I knew I’d seen it before.

The door to my old house.

Hesitantly, I raised a hand. I knocked on the door. Exactly the same rhythm as I always used to knock on doors. Tap, tap, tap-tap, tap.

The door swung open.

I stepped inside.

I stumbled.

The room was familiar. It was my room, the one I’d had as a kid, before my family fell apart. I’d had that room until I was five, then my mom moved out, and then my dad moved out, and the house was sold.

I walked through the room, my room, in awe. I felt safe. Everything was as I remembered. It was a small room. Model airplanes hung from the ceiling. The walls were covered in glow-in-the-dark stars. The comforter was Cars 2 themed. The only light came from my favorite car lamp. It lit the small space surprisingly well. The desk across from the bed, the one I’d called my “work desk” was the same.

Everything was exactly the same.

Except...

On the desk sat a colouring book and a box of crayons, fresh and new. I flipped through the colouring book. Cars. My favourite thing when I was five. I sat at the desk and started colouring. After a while I was hungry. I looked around.

On the bed was a plate that held a grilled cheese sandwich with a side of ranch dressing for dipping. Next to it was a juice box. Grape juice. My favourite meal as a kid.

That hadn’t been there before.

I stood up and picked up the plate and juice box. I carried it back to the desk and continued colouring as I ate.

Vaguely I wondered whether I should probably find my way home.

But I was home.

Safe away from the pains of the real world, I could be five years old forever in my five-year-old bedroom.

And I was content with that.

----------

In the real world, the world outside the boy’s mind, everything went on as normal. The boy went to school, came home, ate his food, switched between parents, all as he normally would.

But now, he did so with a dreamy, faraway look on his face. Like he wasn’t really there.

Nobody at school noticed. To them, the boy was being his usual weird self. They avoided him, as they’d always done.

Then a new kid came. He was nervous. He didn’t know anybody.

The new kid saw the boy. Thought he might be nice. Decided to introduce himself.

“H-hey,” the new kid said. “My name’s Bowie. I’m new. What’s your name?”

The boy looked at the new kid with the same, dreamy, faraway look.

“My name is _ _ _ _ _.”

“So you think being a lesbian is worse than being a rapist?“ was not something I wanted to hear in the first 10 minutes of class.

But I keep my head up, and laugh when something funny happens because what else can I do?

I can act like it doesn’t matter.

Who are you to me anyway?

But no one says anything

and the words keep coming like waves crashing onto the shore

“Who even cares about the LGBT community anyway?“

“Why are you so gay?“

“just put the boy or girl on the website, the other ones are too complicated“

Petty jokes that flaunt your obvious queerphobia like a trophy.

And I know the teachers are trying their best

But I’m so tired of them changing the subject

“Just let it go!“

“I’m okay with it, but sheesh.“

You get a slap on the wrist so they don’t have to actually deal with the problem

Everytime it gets okay enough for me to feel good for once

I get hit with something like “Homosexuality is a sin!“ or “isn’t it some sort of disease?“

which is so easy for someone straight like you to say

Who’s questioned skipping class because you can’t handle another trumpie telling you how to exist

Who’s never questioned who the right person to tell about your crush is because you don’t know how they’ll react

Who’s never had someone get up and run away from you after you told them about your sexuality

Who’s never had a friend say “I don’t talk to lesbians because I’m worried they’ll like me!“ behind your back.

No one’s blackmailed you for being straight.

No one’s said you’ve betrayed the opposite sex.

You’ve never spent a birthday party sitting next to some girl trying to convince you you’re too pretty for this “lifestyle.“

You’ve never sat there and taken all the comments and rude gestures while you talk to a person of the opposite sex because you’re too scared to tell them the truth.

You’re not sick.

You’re not a sinner.

And you don’t have to deal with the consequences of your actions

Because you have queer friends!

You get a free pass!

You were just kidding!

And everyone believes you.

What do they care?

It’s not about them anyway

I’ve spent too much time pretending not to hear you

or that you meant something else

I’m not asking for much

But you don’t need to look at at through the lense of your religion

You don’t need to look at us through the lense of being less

You just need to look at us the same way that you look at people

Your fellow humans

All I ask is too be humanized

Is that too much?

I feel almost completely alone deep down. The people in my life seem to just abandon me at my lowest moments now. And I struggle with extreme disdain and self loathing. Yet I also feel like I’m being ridiculous at times, like I don’t deserve to be feeling the way I do because I haven’t experienced enough badness in my life. I don’t get therapy enough. I make poor choices continuously. I am really at the edge of losing hope for myself entirely. And all of it sparked from girl problems, or at least, the recent parts of it. So I guess, what would people have thought if they had seen all of this on a reality tv show?

I have toxic family environment so I can't study, they disturb my mental state so I am unable to focus on study and I am stressed if I don't study my future will be spoilt

so yesterday I "adopted" my friend Will (yk how like friends do that it's funny) and today I was talking to Katy and I mentioned how i'd adopted Will and I gave Katy a headpat and said, "you're [will's real name]'s sister now" and she said "no I wanna be the other parent"

and I thought she was saying it in like a way like as like a friend thing, like the whole friendly adoption thing, you know like platonic. so I was like "is that what you mean" and she said no, like actually

my brain kinda short circuited and I still thought she meant in a platonic way but now that my brain is fine I'm like- WHAT

so idk what the hell just happened

help?

So I (16F) met a guy (19M) on codm and we talked and dated for maybe a week and we had planned for him to come up to Washington from Cali and he even booked an Airbnb near me. So it’s the 4th of July and he says “baby if you do end up letting me hit then I have a surprise for you” and I’m so confused so I ask him what it is and he says “Well I know how religious you are and sex is more of a marriage thing and what do you do before you get married? You get engaged so I baught you something” and I’m like oh like a promise ring? And he corrects me and says he already baught an engagement ring for me. I FULLY panicked. Soooo I blocked him because I lowkey thought if we met up then I honestly might’ve gotten kidnapped. Jump to last night at like midnight and I have been considering unblocking him for a few days now but I decide that was the time I guess. He automatically texts and we were trying to talk and I was trying to explain it from my pov and he told me how I fucked him over because he wasted 3k on the Airbnb and I promised I would never hurt him but I did(plus I got with him 3 months after he got cheated on by his girlfriend of 3 years) he ended up becoming very very depressed and was telling me how he wanted to kill himself and he had a gun right there and we still talked but all day today I have been trying to get him to not kill himself. He hates his life rn and a lot of it was because I ghosted him for 6 days. I left him and he’s too depressed to do literally anything like he won’t work and he keeps telling me that he’s crying and every time he tries to eat or drink water he throws up. Also because he wasted 3k in the Airbnb and he can’t even work because of how depressed I made him and now he has no money and has an eviction notice. All last night and all through I’ve either been trying to get him to not commit or I’m just trying to help him do literally anything. I can’t even get him to stand up and honestly I don’t even know why he’s still talking to me. When I blocked him I honestly didn’t realize it would affect him this much and I feel like such an insensitive piece of shit. I hope I’m helping by talking to him. He always responds to me and I fell asleep and he texted multiple times during my nap so I’m just glad he still wants to talk to me. I just still feel kinda useless because he isn’t doing any better I don’t think. What do I do now?

i don't know why but it's always been like this. working as a financial consultant, i get sent all over the place for different missions every month or so. you'd think i'd be used to it by now. but nope, each new place i go, i find myself getting super attached to the people i meet there.

it's hard because just when i'm starting to really click with folks, it's time for me to pack up and move on to the next assignment. it's like my brain knows it's a temp thing but my heart doesn't get the memo, ya know? i've met so many cool peeps in different cities and worked with them closely on these projects... then bam, it's done and onto somewhere else.

i try to stay professional and keep a boundary of sorts but man, sometimes it just feels like i'm leaving behind friends not just coworkers. makes ending a mission kinda bittersweet even if the job itself is all wrapped up nice and tidy.

i dunno how others do it. they seem to handle this part of the gig way better than i do. maybe they've figured out some secret trick that keeps them from going all in emotionally or something.

6 months ago I finally told my therapist my dads been inappropriately touching me, CPS was called police etc. and ofc no one believed me. My mom says I misunderstood it. I’m overreacting. But she said if I was uncomfortable I could move out, so I did. I was “homeless” or couch surfing for a month and a half, now I have an apartment with a roommate. For three months I refused to see my dad, and then my sister guilt tripped me into seeing him saying I was tearing apart our family and I was being dramatic. But I am mentally falling apart seeing him, and I’m building up a grudge against other people that I love and I’m sick of feeling this way and idk what to do. Do I cut him out completely? Do I go to family gatherings and just ignore him? Our family has always been close, I don’t want to lose the ppl I love idk what to do…

We started as teenage lovers, got teenage children now, was able to get a permanent job where he was not able to finish highschool. Loaned about 17k and now my salary is only $122 a month, while the bills amounts $140...so the bills was compromised to provide food on the table. Now the mortgage is now 3 months unpaid, calls from the collectors has been ringing, incoming school year is fast approaching, money is badly needed for tuition, uniform and school supplies...it felt like it is gripping me from thinking so much... I'm so pathetic for staying, even marrying him when he can't provide anything. I'm so tired of pushing him to get a job when it ends up fighting and shouting...