Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Idk how to say it but trigger warning: suicide??? forgive me 😕. No category fits this so I just picked the closest. 4 years ago, I lost my sister due to her taking her own life, I remember the day very vividly. And at first, I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t cry a lot and when I did it felt fake. Everything was strange for the next few weeks, just walking past her room and seeing she wasn’t there in her room on her phone or doing whatever, not having her sitting besides me during car rides, not having her bothering me every day. Even with still having my parents and brother, it still felt like a huge, really big loss. Everything felt quiet and empty, the house, going out with my family. Nothing felt the same anymore, my parents were depressed and I guess I was too young to notice. I was angry at her for that, how she made my parents feel, what she did and how it affected all of us. Maybe my age at the time was what made me so numb, or maybe I just haven’t processed it. We moved out some months after what happened, my parents couldn’t bear living in that house anymore. I began going to therapy because my parents made me go, I didn’t like it and never wanted to go. It took me like 1-2 years to finally begin feeling sad with her absence. I cried and my anger at her vanished and instead a deep feeling of guilt and sadness began to take place. I thought of what I could’ve did that caused what happened. And that guilt inside me began turning into a deep hatred for myself because I felt and thought and really believed that its my fault that it happened. I hated myself because I think I was a bad brother to her and that I couldn’t see details or anything that would have let me know how she was feeling, or maybe I did see them, and just didn’t pay attention to them. The hate for myself made me want to die, it’s made me hurt myself. It really hurt and I feel stupid now for doing that, but back then it felt like I deserved it. Those 4 years later, im older now, even older than her, finally some beard began growing and some moustache too, I got a broader chest and I’m finally taller. Now I hallways have a serious/neutral face, not looking like the happy kid I was before. There’s a family portrait in the entrance of my house, including my sister in it. Whenever friends that I haven’t known before it happened see it and ask who’s that. I never have anything to say to that. If I say my sister, they’d ask where is she, if I say someone else they’d ask the same thing. I just ignore the question and hope they don’t pry further. Something similar is when people ask if I have siblings, I say 1, which is my brother, but it feels wrong not saying 2 anymore. My family is still affected deeply by what happened, its not the same anymore and never will. My mom feels like it was her fault that it happened, some people even blame her for it, but I don’t. She’s really one of the best moms anyone could have. I don’t know how bad or well my dad is doing, he’s more closed off and I feel bad for not really checking on him or my mom. Now I regret not taking therapy seriously, it was a really good opportunity my parents gave me, the therapist was so nice and I didn’t take the opportunity now leaving myself with these unhealthy feelings instead of probably moving on and maybe being better. I began dreaming of her, dreams where she was still alive, or that instead of her actually taking her own life it was just a failed attempt and that we got her help and everything turned out okay. Every time I woke up I would cry, begging to god and praying it would be reality. I look at her photos every now and then and damn, I see what a beautiful person I lost. I look at my hands and just can’t believe that these hands once held my sister. I just look at myself in the mirror and just wonder how different how life would be like if in my place, my sister would be here. She was smarter, she was a better person, she’d be in a better place Im in right now, living better than how I’m living right now, maybe these fights with my parents wouldn’t have happened, maybe they wouldn’t be so stressed. Maybe the room I have right now would look better if it was her room. Maybe if I died instead of her, my parents wouldn’t have felt so bad like they did with my sister, or if I just died or never have been born she’d still be alive. I still go to school that she was in, which me and my brother have also always been in. I see the teachers that also gave classes to her. One time a teacher recognised me as her brother and asked me how she was, with her not coming. To avoid being asked anything more, or having to be vulnerable, I said she’s okay and nothing more. It made me quiet and pensive the rest of the day. I don’t blame him, no one really knows apart from her close friends and mine. It’s hard to bottle up how I feel, I would say it can become physically tiring. I suppose it takes a toll on you, I couldn’t handle it one time. I just broke down at school, crying like a baby. I have friends that helped me through it, and the counsellor at school helped me too. She called a teacher that knew me and my siblings too really well. I was surprised at how nice she was because when I was a kid I thought she was mean. But I really have to thank her for that hour long talk I had with her. I remember seeing the expression on my parent’s faces later that day, they seemed worried about me. I almost went back to therapy but I refused for some stupid reason. I’m not sure why but it wasn’t really talked about later. Now, like really now, present day, nowadays, I feel differently from how I felt back then. I personally would say I’m better, I’ve finally gone abroad which was my dream since I was a kid, I’ve grown up now and I don’t have to lie about my age just say I’m at least 13+, I’ve met new people which are actually pretty cool, I started playing football (American football) and turns out I’m pretty sick at it, I’ve taken an interest in drawing and even though I suck im going somewhere and most importantly, I don’t want to die anymore. I still feel bad because of what happened and I still feel that guilt and I blame myself for what happened. Ive vented to people and that helped a lot. I’m a bit proud of myself for being able to take some steps to move on and live better. Just now I noticed how much I wrote 😬, I haven’t even seen other posts on this site so I don’t know if this one sticks out like a sore thumb but idc I vented and I really needed it. I don’t think lots of people will read all this, but if you do, hi!!!!!!!!! And thanks.

all my friends are committed and/or got acceptences to colleges that are top 10 or so and im the only one who hasnt gotten any back yet. this wasnt an issue until they started asking me every single day whether i got any decisions or if ill just commit to a state school while talking bad behind my back about how im stupid for months and i didnt say anything. i dont think im stupid, ive worked incredibly hard i have a higher gpa and class rank then all of them and international ecs but ive always tried to actively help them out. today one of them called me to brag and gloat that they got in my dream school that i had gotten deferred from and made sure to reiterate it over and over in a 15 minute call before i had to hang up despite saying congrats genuinually for the first 10 minutes. i feel like an asshole for being upset about this and if i tell anyone how i feel i will be an asshole so im venting here, are my feelings even justified.

so, i just started this new job, right? i’m 26, a guy, and was pretty excited at first because i thought it would be a cool opportunity. they talk about "synergy" and "dynamic team environments" and stuff, but honestly, it's just not my vibe. 😩 the onboarding process was like a total brain freeze, like, who thought making me watch 10 hours of training videos was a good idea? 🙄 and the people? well, they seem nice enough but have this weird corporate speak that makes me feel like i’m in a 90s sitcom—everyone is pretending to love their jobs. i mean, why do we have to "circle back" on every little thing? like, can’t we just have a convo without all the jargon? for real, if i hear the term "low-hanging fruit" one more time, i’m gonna lose it. and don’t even get me started on the break room; have you ever seen someone make coffee so tragically bad? it’s like they’re trying to punish us! and then there’s the daily stand-up meetings where we go around and share our "wins" and "challenges" like it’s some motivational seminar or something; i’m just sitting there thinking about how i haven’t even figured out the office printer yet. honestly, it makes me question everything—like, is this what adulting is all about? the projects are monotonous and all they do is pile on the work; at this point, i’m wondering if i should just ghost them and disappear like i was never there. but part of me is like, "what if this is just the phase every job goes through and it gets better?" but does it ever really get better? like, do you all just put up with this stuff or what? should i stick it out a few more weeks? people say it's always tough at the beginning, and i really don’t wanna be the guy that quits on the first round; but then again, my mental health is kinda crucial too. the last thing i want is to end up dreading my mornings and counting the hours till freedom while sitting at my desk like a zombie. does anyone else feel like they’re just running in circles at work? sometimes it just feels like a game and not a very fun one. so, if quitting is on the table, how do you even do that gracefully? i’ve heard horror stories about people just walking out and burning bridges, but i genuinely don’t want to end up being that guy who storms out while flipping off the boss; i just think about long-term consequences, like networking—am i ruining future opportunities? and that’s not my goal at all. during these days, it seems like if you don’t play the game, you’re out. 😬

i guess the conundrum is whether i really want to be part of this ecosystem or if it's just my fear of change and the unknown creeping in. what’s the line between making it work and recognizing when something is just not right for me? i mean, should i really just stick it out to prove a point? they say perseverance is key, but then again, there’s a limit to how much tolerating nonsense one can do. it feels like i’m sitting at this crossroads every single day, stuck in a loop where my brain tells me to adapt and my gut screams to run; i feel like i need a sign or at least a coffee that doesn’t taste like burnt rubber. there’s too much pressure already; we’re already competing with 1000 emails and trying to keep up with KPIs, and why do we even need to quantify every little success? can’t i just do my job without feeling like i need to report every minor achievement? and then it dawns on me, is quitting really an option? i’ve put in minimal emotional investment; what’s the worst that could happen if i just bagged it early? my job satisfaction score is at an all-time low of about one out of five stars and the thought of another day in this mind-numbing cycle is simply tragic; does anyone have any advice? 👀

I am a 23-year-old woman, and within my family, there's quite a bit of history and a touch of drama. My mom has two siblings, her sister Paula who's 47, and her brother Max. Max, unfortunately, has had his share of tough breaks; he has a long-term illness and went through a painful divorce about a decade ago when his wife cheated on him. Following the split, he also lost his job. This sequence of events really strained his relationship with my mom, even though she tried her best to support him. The fact remains that Max has always seemed a bit bitter towards her, likely because life seemed smoother for my mom with her stable health, a loving husband, and, well, me.

Recently, my mom turned another year wiser, and I planned a fabulous birthday event to surprise her. I grabbed plane tickets for her, my dad, and myself to visit Paula in the city where mom grew up. I also reached out to Paula in advance, and she was thrilled about hosting the surprise party. However, upon our arrival, I discovered that Max was also in town, something Paula had overlooked to mention, assuming his presence wouldn't be a big deal.

Initially, I was apprehensive because of their rocky past, but mom seemed genuinely pleased to see Max, so I figured things might just work out. On the eve of mom's birthday, I informed Max about the party and he said he’d be there after hanging out with friends.

Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned. The party started, but Max was nowhere to be seen. We waited and waited, calls went unanswered, and eventually, the evening wound down and guests had to leave. Max turned up past midnight, long after everyone was gone. I was furious and disappointed; I felt he ruined what could have been a perfect celebration. Paula tried to smooth things over by saying Max didn’t intend to upset anyone, but I was too annoyed to care.

Not long after, Paula invited us over again for Max’s birthday. I declined, unable to get past my irritation from the last incident. Paula suggested I could bake a cake, like I did for mom, reasoning that Max would appreciate it since he doesn’t have children of his own to celebrate with him. When I stood my ground, I sensed that Paula was hurt by my decision. Now, I can’t help feeling guilty, thinking perhaps I’m being too harsh on Max and that baking a cake might mend fences, not just for Max and me, but for him and mom too.

I wonder how this would play out if it were an episode on a reality show—there’d likely be dramatic music with close-ups of everyone’s reactions as tensions unfolded. Viewers might even sympathize with my stance, or perhaps they’d judge me for handling the situation too rigidly, generating plenty of buzz and debates across social media platforms.

so I just like kicked my friend's chair FOR FUN AS A JOKE I may add, and he turned around and said "Hey, don't hit me WOMAN" and I gave him a warning look and he said "Yeah, I said it!" and the teacher came over (shes w btw) and asked what was going on and my "friend" said "well SHE kicked the back of my chair and because they don't like being called a woman I called HER a SHE" and now I don't even want to be in the same room as him help me

so I have a friend Katy (not her real name) and I have a bit of a crush on her and the other day she kissed me on the cheek and today she gave me a hug in the hallway (she's big on physical touch from people she trusts) and so the intrusive thoughts happened and right when she released the hug I kissed her on the cheek and idk what her reaction was because I BOLTED as soon as I did it so now I'm scared I can't believe I did that OMG OMG OMG what do I do-? she's not in the class I'm in right now but I'm afraid if she finds me between classes-

i know this isnt a bigdeal but please just i need someone to talk to about this

Today my mom took me and my younger sister to the dentist, my appointment was covered by my insurance/dental plan/ whatever you call it and unfortunately my little sisters wasn't. my mom treated us to food and stuff before which is kind of a tradition of ours, eat a good meal before getting your teeth cleaned, it's fun. But after we were done with our appointment my mom hadn't realized that the people at the dentist had added more things onto my sisters tooth cleaning appointment (like xrays and whatnot) and the cost came up to 500$, my mom was upset but tried to make the best of it by reminding my little sister that she cares alot about her tooth health because alot of my mothers family is unfortunately on the poorer end and their teeth are horrible because they cant afford to go to the dentist, and she was just saying that she was happy to see my little sister be cleaned. Then my little sister for no reason started getting mad at her, saying that she wasted her time because her teeth were perfectly fine anyways and getting all pissy over having to even go? which I thought was strange because she was the one who wanted to come, and was insiting on getting food and finding a place to go and my poor mother was trying still to make the best out of it but my younger sister continued to be rude to her for no reason, and this time she was laughing and i genuinley got upset but my mom just brushed it off... (sisters 16 btw). After this our mom wanted to spend some time at us at winners cause we had to pick up my twin sister, and she was talking about how excited she was to spend time with us cause its been forever and shes grateful like we agreed to spend time with her, and the minute we step out of the car my little sisters like "Im going to the toy section at walmart" and my mom was like "Oh are you sure?" then again, she was rude and completely dismissed my mother... i came to walmart with her to supervise her purchases and she went to the toy section and was trying to be some expensive monster high dolls, i told her not to spend to much money because we already spent ALOT today for her teeth and for food. she ignored me, and insisted on buying the toys. then texted my mom who said no. i tried to get her to buy a seven dollar calico critter blindbox thing, she was onboard till she saw the LPS toys and completely dismissed me. I continued to try and be nice to her because my little sister pointedly likes my twin much more then me, and out of desperation to form a better bond with her i didnt speak up anymore, but i kept inisting on buying something cheaper. Overall when we went to winners she was more relaxed cause she got what she wanted, me and my mom searched the racks, it was fun. then me and my mom went to buy food for my twin because she was coming out of her work, first day btw, it was like the entrance thing. My little sister kept telling us that we shouldnt because we would be wrong to buy her food without letting her choose, but i insited i knew what she would like to eat because she is my twin, and i chose right cause my twin was thankful that we brought her food when we came to get her.

But even my twin was being horrible to my mom, I get everyone was tired but it was genuinley so rude i was astonished. after finding out that my twin landed the job my mom expressed her concerns about her working around men, not that she was against them or anything, but my sisters job would require her to be in private spaces alone with unknown strangers for awhile. So my mom, in intent to enlighten my twin of the harm that could potentially come her way from not being careful started telling her story about how someone tried to spike her drink in her workspace (Well actually did)... and my twin and sister laugh? they laugh in her face? and i got mad, but i didnt want them to be upset with me so i said "guys she just told you a literal traumatic event that happened to her?" and my twin said "yeah yeah ive heard it before?" .... and my mom got upset and was like "life isnt lala land you need to understand that people have bad intentions and keep yourself safe" and they continued to make fun of her I cant even write what they said without it making me so mad. She asked for a life 360, and i convinced my twin to get on board with it.. JUST SO YOU KNOW, my mom is not a control freak at all, she just worries for us which is fair. we get home and im already upset, im helping my mom with the things we purchased in the car, helping her bring them upstairs and away, and then i come to my room exhausted from the long day and my twin and sister are there. And the first thing my twin does is demand me to grab my moms credit card to pay for the tarrif she got on a package. After all that disrespect in the car you just expect me to steal her card to spend it without her permission? I said to wait till i change into my pyjamas, i change my shirt and return to my room for some pyjama pants, and there she is again demanding me to grab the card. I say no, and she gets mad. She says and i quote "I have the page open for the payment already, just go grab it i only need to type in the numbers"?? this made me super upset i gave her some snarky comment and go to ask my mom for the card and she gets mad. WHICH IS FAIR. shes upset at my twin because my twin has spent money on her card for months without her knolwedge or permission, then my twin will yell at her when shes caught and ultimately play the victim despite the fact that she actively steals hundreds of dollars from my mom every month. I manage to calm my mom down, and make a deal that my sister wont spend anymore money on her card just let her pay for the tarrifs because it was me and my twins birthday gift... my mom leaves and my sister calls her crazy unreasonable and controlive. and i got mad. but i gently suggested that we should consider how she feels because shes spent so much money today and she probably dosent like knowing she has to pay a 40 dollar tarriff on a package that was ordered against her will. and my twin was now fuming despite the fact that her and my sister were in my room without my permission and were now using my tv. to appease them i let them use my tv, i made some playful comments about the show because my little sister was making a take and she had some flawed knowledge, i corrected her and got hit, like hard. I told her "that was to far, and seriously dont do that again." and she got so mad at me and told me to stop tryna act like a parent and that it wasnt a big deal. IT wouldve been funny if it was a playful hit but that was pure malice...

I love my mom so much, and my sisters being so blatantly rude and dismissive really hurts me. it also makes me upset because these guys are always preaching being kind and understanding why people do certain things, but apparently these ideas only apply to them. I know this isnt really a big deal but today I was just so frusterated, my sisters are typically much more rude to me but seeing them be so mean to my mother then have the audacity to sit there and think theyre justified in the matter makes me so mad.

sorry if the grammar is horrible i have a pounding headache and i just wanna dump this somewhere before i go to sleep

It was an unstable relationship—I was 29, she was 39.

She proved to be quite immature and inconsistent throughout the relationship, to the point of breaking up with me over the phone three times. The first time was entirely because I forgot to book a trip she’d been mentioning for months, and I had a lot of unresolved issues in my life to deal with.

On our first date at the motel, she was already making little jokes about pregnancy, and I set boundaries. When I set boundaries for the third time, she played the victim, saying she felt insecure.

She went through my entire Instagram and WhatsApp to see if I was chatting with other girls, and she always brought it up. I proved to her beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was just her and me, but I couldn’t see her messages to a certain extent.

In her circle of friends, she’d introduce me to everyone as her “trophy,” like, “Look at my hot new guy.”

She always insisted on paying for everything, and that bothered me so much that I put my foot down and said, “Either we split it or I’ll pay,” and she’d just reply, “We’ve already talked about this.”

She always gave me gifts, and I did the same, but in front of everyone, with flowers and chocolates.

I made future plans with her, like egg freezing, etc., because of the age difference, but her biggest concern was getting breast implants in the middle of the year.

She had a 17-year-old son; the boy didn’t talk to his father but really liked me—he missed me.

She often outsourced our intimate “crisis” moments to her friends; she was always the one who paid for everything when we went out, and I always warned her about fake friendships, like, “Try saying you're screwed—let's see who your real friends are.”

Twice she made up stories that so-and-so and what’s-his-name had sent her flirty messages; one was from a mutual acquaintance. I asked three times to see the messages, and her answers were evasive: “You didn’t want to see them before, so I’m not going to show you now,” “Oh, I’ll delete the messages,” “Oh, I’ve already sorted things out with him.”

Once at a party, that same guy she used to make me jealous came up to both of us and asked, “So, are we going to the motel?”

The ending was even worse and tragic; I felt used. What hurts the most is the disappointment—I had made plans for the future. I had to block her on Instagram for a while to give myself some space, and she was extremely offended. I was already talking to another girl on the phone, and that same day she called me 19 times asking me to fuck her, sent me a photo of the motel room key, and I went there.

She was completely out of her mind, dancing on the bed, I think she had the whole plan figured out. Before she called me to the hotel, her son called me and said, “Take care of my mom, don’t let her get home too late because she’s really drunk.” Before anything started, she looked me in the eyes and asked, “You haven’t slept with anyone, not even a little kiss?” I told the truth and was honest and said no.

I asked her the same thing; she said she hadn’t been with anyone, and then there was sex, kissing on the mouth, “I miss you” this and “I love you” that. Finally, she turned and grabbed her phone—all I could see was a male contact with the name and in the middle of a conversation full of hearts and emojis, she turned to me and said, “Yeah, on the day 8th I hooked up with a cop at the bar. He drove me home, and I had sex with him in the car.”

So I told her, “Why did you call me here? To humiliate me? Here’s what you do: don’t call me, just stay with him,” and she’s been blocked ever since. I got out of the Uber, just said goodbye, and asked her son if she had arrived. She blocked me from everything and only has my parents’ contact info. She’s all dressed up now. I saw a quick glimpse of her on a friend’s story at a party with what looked like a guy next to her—to the point where I went out to check if the guy was better or worse than me.

The six months we were together, the advice I gave her son seems to have been completely disregarded. What hurts me the most is that I’m suffering while she’s out there enjoying herself, looking beautiful, carefree, and loose, with new clothes, all dressed up as if nothing had happened.

She’s blocked me, and I’m not going back. I just feel used.

And I’m the sucker—while I’m depressed, she’s out there enjoying life, showing total disregard for me. Her friends didn’t like me; they’d say things like, “Oh, you really don’t bring any luck.”

“What are you doing with this guy? You two are totally incompatible,” and she’d reply, “He treats me like a princess.”

But something tells me that one day she’ll look back and realize what a mess she made—or maybe not…

I’ve already cut ties and won’t be coming back. She blocks me, then unblocks me sometimes on WhatsApp. Today I’m keeping her blocked, and she’s keeping me unblocked.

I don't know what she's trying to achieve with this, but ever since that day at the motel—as I mentioned in the comments above—she's been blocked, and she'll stay that way.

Two months later, she's already with someone else. I feel used, like a fool, like I wasted my time and put all my trust in a rotten person. It hurts a lot; while I'm struggling, she's doing just fine.

She pulled that whole revenge stunt at the motel because I blocked her on Instagram and explained that I needed some time to myself, and she didn’t get it. She said, “OH, SO YOU JUST HAD TO SILENCE ME,” called me a jerk, and said I’d been badmouthing her around because I mentioned to a mutual friend that she’d abandoned me when I needed her most.

My parents have her on WhatsApp and Instagram, and sometimes I slip up and go check her out. It’s so painful to see someone living their life normally as if nothing had happened; I feel discarded, used.

I saw a story from that mutual friend who spread the gossip, and she was apparently already sitting at a table talking to what looked like a guy. I feel so bad that I’ve been monitoring the city surveillance camera in front of her house to see if she’ll show up with someone.

Please help me bc i'm suffering.

(not really family dramma? but idk where to put It)

So it's currently 2.00 am of 22 of july. It's gonna be her birthday on the 28. I'm currently trying to prepare something nice. I'm gonna make a cake on the 27, i intend to make a card and i'm currently trying to make a handsewed sock cat pushie. But at the same time i have mixed feelings cause i think that's a good idea but also i think It's kinda crappy and unfortunatly i couldn't buy anything this year so i feel guilty, and also i'm a beginner in sewing and the pushie already has a lot of mistakes and i'm afraid It's gonna turn out ugly and i'm gonna have to remake It. At the same time i don't even know if i actually have the right to make this and give her any of that stuff bc she right about me being selffish and being a bad person and It Is true that i'm making her life worse. And today i couldn't stop thinking about It. I really am like them and him even when i'm trying to do something good. And what if she's right about me and i am like them, why am i really giving her this gift? Is It because I wanna be forgiven for being bad? Can i even be forgiven if i can never actually be better? Is all of this Just a pretense to feel better about myself and not feel as evil? Will this crappy mediocre gift even mean anything? Will i even make in time to do everything? Is She right about the fact that i am like them and that I should be with them cause their Just as bad as me? Idk my thoughts are mess and my head Is killing me right now.

I keep replaying the moment in my head—when i told her i wanted a divorce. after twenty years of marriage, saying those words felt like ripping out part of myself, but staying had become a different kind of slow death. she’s not well, her health is fragile, and that’s what makes it all so much harder. i’m not heartless. i still care. but i was living with someone who chipped away at my dignity for years. disrespect doesn’t show up all at once; it creeps in slowly. a condescending remark here, a dismissive gesture there, and before you know it, you’re invisible in your own life. i tried. really. therapy, talks, compromises that only I kept. and when i finally realized that no amount of loyalty would bring back the man i used to be, i chose to leave. but how do you stop the guilt when someone you leave behind is struggling physically? it’s not a movie with a clean ending, it’s more like walking out of a burning house that still has someone you once loved trapped inside. except that person won’t take your hand even when you reach back;

some people tell me, “you did the right thing,” others ask, “how could you leave her now?” and i honestly don’t have a satisfying answer to either. the guilt isn’t just about her condition—it’s about the idea that maybe i should’ve been stronger, more forgiving, more patient. maybe i failed some unspoken moral test. yet at the same time, don’t i have the right to protect myself too? we don’t talk about that enough—how emotional erosion can kill you just as surely as illness. i wasn’t trying to escape responsibility. i was trying to escape becoming a bitter, hollow version of myself. but now, every time someone says her name or i hear that she's been in and out of the doctor’s office again, it hits me like a sucker punch. do i reach out? would that help her—or just help me feel better? is guilt something that fades with time, or something you carry like a scar?

i guess what i really want to ask is—how do you know when you’ve done enough? when does choosing yourself stop feeling like abandonment? i read somewhere that “self-respect is the fruit of discipline,” and i’m trying to believe that choosing to walk away was an act of discipline, not betrayal. but most days, the line is blurry as hell. i keep showing up for work, paying the bills, calling our grown kids, pretending like everything is fine. but underneath, it’s like dragging a bag of wet cement everywhere i go. maybe guilt isn’t something to get rid of. maybe it’s just proof that you still give a damn. but it’d be nice if it didn’t show up every time i sit alone in a quiet room. so yeah—if you’ve ever had to choose between staying loyal and staying alive inside, how did you stop feeling like the villain in your own story?

i had a bf, i genuinely loved him more than anything in this world, i was ready to do everything and anything for him. i was very serious about him so i thought ok let me do it with him, i was happy at first, but later things changed..

the first time we did it idk it was so lusty but i ignored it. and then as time went he used to become distant and barely texted me, and if we ever met it was only making out and sex, and particularly cuz he kept begging for it. i was very stupid enough to agree to everything although he treats me like im his fwb. he used to beg me for blowjob and sex and he'd keep asking until i say yes, one day i slapped him cuz he was forcing me to do it, he faked his tears so hard BYE WTF. but ukw i still had to console him and let him cry on my shoulders for what he did, i felt so shit, what had i gotten myself into in the name of love. and once again we met, had sex, midway i started crying, i had never weeped so loud infront of a man or anyone at all, i cried and i asked "why dont you love me anymore" he said no i do love you and tried to brush it off, his words never matched his actions, he was cold and distant, used to meet his ex behind my back.

once we had broken up, that time i had flirted with a dude and after few days my bf and i started talking again cuz we thought of getting back and thought we could fix the problem. i came clean and told him bout flirting with someone. he told me tht he never expected this whore behaviour from me, and my periods had been late that month too, he told me he didnt care if i was pregnant and wanted to block me completely. i was scared, but after few months i found out that he had A WHOLE RELATIONSHIP going on right after we had broken up for sometime. he was so egoistic to do tht to me.

things got messier, i kept letting him in me and idk i really was stupid, and then i broke up cuz i couldnt stand it anymore. he used to blackmail me and say shit like i tried to cut myself i hung myself and bs like tht, he didnt let me live in peace, so i told his mom. he texted me with so much anger and said "just cuz you are on your luteal doesnt mean you act up bitch", i was so. i just yea damn.

after i broke up i went thru depression, i realised all this time he was just using me for my body, i genuinely became suicidal and couldnt take it anymore. someone i trusted wanted me only for my body, and still had his eyes wandering even after i gave him everything.

i somehow came out of it and two months passed by.

we started talking again. the worst decision i made. we tried to date again and we stayed for few days we tried to fix everything but nothing worked, i was very insecure and had trust issues, as time went i logged on to his insta acc, i saw so many women. so many fucking women that i just i couldnt, he had called me a bop to everyone in those two months when we werent together and he had done so much. when i confronted him about it he said "my friend did everything". his own friend didnt accept on doing it. it was very evident tht he was lying. the level of pain i had gone thru was so bad but i put myself thru it on my own. right after i broke up and he had tried to message me everywhere and one of the msgs read "go have sex with another guy and get pregnant, if you ever want abortion money just text my friend and ill send it to you" and i had no words, ive lost my v card only with him.

next day after breaking up he went and met another girl and few days later hooked up with his ex. but yea sure im the whore according to him

idk but him using me for my body was the worst trauma ever. its been months and im still not over it

I feel ive searching for so long but I can’t find stuff that related to what I’m doing. So I want to create a series, specifically one that each episode will be about 5-7mins long. So how that change stuff? What should I learn? Btw I mean a serialised one, I already have some plots and characters moments in my head. But I can’t find anythingggg. Someone please help.

Also some specific questions-

Is it a bad when stuff happen to a characters than characters making stuff happen? Like does it demnish the plot?

How does a comic series (issues) differ from a tv series (episodes)?

what's the bloody point when you miss your ex, really? you're sitting there, 27, thinking you've moved past high school drama, but nope, you're right back there. they left you three months ago after three intense years together, and now you're spiraling into a bottomless pit of depression. is there a secret manual for getting over an ex that everyone else somehow got but you missed? if sharing this is going to make any sense, let's break it down.

to put it bluntly, it’s a daily grind. you wake up every day hoping for some magical cure or one of those flicks where you bump into someone in a coffee shop and everything just falls into place. spoiler alert: shit's not happening. your heart's tied to someone who might not have been the right puzzle piece after all. or maybe they were and universe is just screwing with you. you're stuck in a loop, thinking about her scent, her stupid laugh, the way she made you coffee on cold mornings. fair warning, you might become one of those coffee-obsessed nutcases pretty soon.

but seriously, what are your options when the loneliness eats you up daily? pretending you're okay is a common go-to. you dress up, put on that 'i don't give a damn' façade, but inside, oh boy, you know it's raining cats and dogs. you could dive into new hobbies or some self-help BS, but the reality is far from motivational quotes. sometimes, you're just lying on the couch questioning your existence or scrolling endlessly through social media pretending you’re searching for a life hack. it’s all a load of bollocks, innit?

sure, everyone sings the whole “focus on yourself” song, but let’s face it, they don’t know your pain, do they? it’s like everyone turned into self-help gurus overnight. everyone’s an expert in feelings except you. being miserable doesn't come with a handbook. eating ice cream or crying into a pillow is about as therapeutic as it gets. you want to ask the universe or whoever's in charge of this mess, “can I unsubscribe from heartbreak, please?” but you know better. it's not that easy, and you’re stuck trying not to curse your past life choices.

here’s the kicker – you're supposed to "move on" and "find someone better", but what if you just want a break from the circus of life?! let's be honest, there are no easy answers here. it's trial and error, with an extra slice of error just for good measure. you might miss her, but life's a bitch and life ain't waiting. are you going to keep reminiscing about the past or finally get off your ass and write a new chapter? time’s ticking, what’s your move?

My friend seems to be less interested in spending time with me

Ok, first off the religious group I will not mention by name as it is not the point of this post. However, I will say I do believe they are a cult because they recruit people, force them to give the "council" all the money they make, and by around 60 when they are old they throw them out of their housing facilities that they own. They cut people's connections with all family and friends no exceptions. If you can't make money they don't want you. They are not small I'll tell you that much. We were learning about different groups in American history. We were in about 6 small groups all discussing about the groups. When I saw the one about the "religion" that's when I said to my group they were like a cult. This group is still a thing today.

Anyway, in english class my group was discussing about the group and I said, "oh they're like a cult" then the teacher chimed in.

T: "That's a strong word"

Me: "Well that's basically what they are"

T: "how"

Me: "Well they make these cartoons that..."

T: "Well many people make cartoons that doesn't mean they are a cult"

Me: "well the cartoon...."

T: "I'm just telling you you shouldn't call them a cult and it's wrong"

Me: "ok fine"

She kept cutting me off before I could even explain my reasoning. But should I not refer to them as a "cult"? Am I an asshole for referring to a religious group as a cult? If you have any questions about the group I'm talking about I'll try to explain it in a way not to call them out. I do believe they are a cult.

Imagine if I was in a reality show and brought up this topic. Would people side with me or would they think I'm just being rude? How do you think the audience would react if I explained my reasons on camera? Would they understand or think I'm out of line?