Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I stand I front of myself in the mirror, tears blurring the vision of the dress I tried on. It was a looser fit than before, but not lose enough. The contents of my stomach always emptied not so long after meals, lost somewhere in the pipes that rest beneath my house. And I stare at my bruised frame, cursing myself for the damage I am causing to myself. All because the only thing I want to feel is pretty. I make myself sick because I know this is all wrong. I know because it is only reassurance that I have gained over the years. Yes i’m aware I need to come to terms with my body, love myself unconditionally and all that, but I don’t. I can’t.

Im struggling, but they tell me it’s an excuse and im just lazy. Sure im lazy on terms but it’s more than that. They say they understand but they clearly don’t when i tell them why they just tell me im making up stuff. I suffer from Diagnosed ADHD and I haven’t been diagnosed for depression but im pretty sure I have it. I have no motivation to do anything anymore, well not anything but you know. A lot of the things I used to enjoy it takes effort to do. And I’m failing classes, but I don’t know how to explain it I just can’t find the motivation to do anything outside of school, including homework. I have to legit force myself to do homework. And then my parents pressure me by threatening to take my phone away, which, valid, but for me it’s my only safe place because I have a lot of friends on here who actually understand and know things that my parents don’t because they would accept me. I feel like crying everyday but there’s no tears that come out. I just wish my parents knew how my brain worked and what I was feeling even though I still don’t fully understand. I guess life really isn’t fair.

After I had finished making dinner, I left some dirty dishes in the sink to wash them after I was done eating dinner. While I was having dinner, one of my roomate's girlfriend entered the kitchen saw the dishes and washed them herself. When I saw the clean dishes, I felt kinda embarressed because I felt like she was lowkey forced to wash the dishes because I had left them there, making me look like a dirty lazy pig.

In order to show her my gratitude, I wanted to give my roomate (who had shared with me some snacks a few times) and her some grapes, becaue that was honestly the best I could give them. She was showering while I was preparing the grapes and putting them in the cutest cups I could find, and, when she came out the bathroom, I stopped her in the middle of the hallway. The problem is that she was not wearing her PJs like I thougt she would. Instead, she had a towel wrapped around her. So, the situation turned a bit awkward and, as a stupid being I am, I just stood there awkwardly and offered her the grapes. She told me (as politely as she could) that she didn't want them, but maybe her boyfriend did and then she started walking to their bedroom. I thought that she was going to ask her boyfriend if he wanted the grapes, so I followed her to the room, but she just closed the door once she reached there, making me look like a creep that had just followed her to the room while she was practically naked :)

Even though it was something really random and stupid, it made me feel very bad, but as the self-gaslighter I am, I told myslef to pretend that nothing happened. So, I just went back to the kitchen and kept the grapes, and then I went to the bathroom to wash my teeth. As I was washing my teeth, I heard their door opening, and after a few seconds of giving myself a pep talk I exited the bathroom because I thought that my roomate actually wanted the grapes like his girlfriend had told me, but there was no one there, leaving me quite confused. I also had to pee, so I entered the bathroom again. When I was done, another roomate told me that the other guy wanted to enter the bathroom, but since I was inside he turned around, but then I opened the door (cause I thought he wanted grapes), making him think I was done, so he directed himself to the bathroom again. However, I entered the bathroom again (cause I had to pee), pissing him off.

So, basically I had embarrassed twice in less than five minutes, when the only thing I wanted was to give those people grapes!!!! After thinking for a while, I think I'll be avoiding them for a while for my own sake lol.

man, i was so pumped about this new gig i scored. you ever just hype something up in your head like it's gonna change your life? that's where i was. imagining myself in this dream job, strutting in with that big shot energy, taking over the world one meeting at a time. i thought, finally, i'm about to be where i've always wanted, doing stuff that's meaningful and transformative. but damn, was i wrong. got there and everything felt like a major letdown. the work is dull, the team barely talks to one another unless it's about something trivial like the damn coffee machine breaking down, and don't even get me started on the so-called "growth opportunities" – what a joke. And suddenly, all that confidence I had just plummeted. it's like when you save up all your money for the concert of your all-time favorite band, only for the lead singer to show up inebriated and mumbling half the lyrics. feels like i’ve been suckered into buying a timeshare in disappointment town.

let me tell you about the point when reality hit. we had this big project that i was amped about... finally, a chance to shine. but turns out, the whole thing was just smoke and mirrors. the higher-ups didn't even care about the quality. seemed like they were more into playing politics than actually getting any meaningful work done. my input? brushed off like i'm some peon who speaks gibberish. my self-esteem took a nosedive off a cliff. it's all learning experiences they said, but hell, learning what? learning to suffer in silence while others pretend to paddle the broken canoe? what they don’t put in the job description is that sometimes the job is less about what you do and more about how you fit into the dysfunctional puzzle. gives you some gnarly flashbacks, doesn’t it? someday they’ll write this crap into a tragic comedy and we can all have a good laugh. ever read kafka? feels like that but without the cool existential reflections and too many office memos.

but hey, i'm not gonna sit around here sounding like debbie downer. i'm trying to find that silver lining in all this. recently, i started focusing on the small stuff. like, okay, the job sucks, sure, but that doesn't mean every day is a wash. i’ve met one or two folks who are genuinely decent, which is a rarity. sometimes we grab a beer after work and share horror stories, it helps to blow off steam. the thing is, the truth hurts but it's also kind of liberating, right? i'm learning (slowly, mind you) that i ain’t defined by a lousy job or how the higher-ups see me. that's just a blip on this radar we call life. and man, if there's one thing i've picked up, it's to keep an open mind and not let disappointments tether you. life’s too short to be bogged down by unrealized ideals. chase something else, like finding a passion or a hobby. who knows, maybe i'll be the next youtube sensation cooking questionable recipes. i mean, what’s life without a little spontaneity and gamble? So how do you cope when the daily grind gets you down? just curious if there's any universal hack out there we're all missing. 🤔

I have this friend, Carly, who’s 23 and we've been tight ever since our freshman days back in high school. She’s been chasing her musical dreams in LA lately. Carly always had a knack for writing; she even got her degree from a reputable private liberal arts college in California, majoring in Creative Writing. Most of us who know her well were betting she’d go into songwriting. However, Carly decided to take on singing instead. She's already dropped three singles and has an album in the pipeline, but honestly, they're just not good. Her vocal timbre really doesn’t cut it—it’s rather flat and nasal, plus she has this odd way of modulating her pitch. Watching her perform live is even more of a struggle. The crowd of friends she's made in LA keep cheering her on, telling her she’s phenomenal. I’m just worried about how far their praises will carry her before someone in the business pulls the plug and tells her straight up, “you can’t sing.”

What worries me more is thinking what if she ever ended up on one of those reality singing shows? Like, imagine her getting up there with that same supportive crowd, only to face the harsh critiques from seasoned judges in front of a national audience. Could you just imagine the humiliation? It’s hard enough seeing her wade through local gigs, but that level of exposure and raw feedback could really break her.

How does one deal with this? Is it kinder to let her keep dreaming while everyone around nods and smiles, or would a true friend intervene before the reality becomes too painful? Waiting it out seems like watching a ticking time bomb. Is sitting back really the answer?

My journey all started when I got knee surgery for my meniscus tear. In this story my empire was destroyed only to be rebuilt with unstable ruble.

I was an active person before my injury working out 14 hours a week and eating a well balanced diet, I got at least 8 or more hours of sleep each night. I also had all A’s in my classes and a wonderful group of friends. Overall my life was stable and perfect in all aspects. When I tore my meniscus and got the surgery I was still resilient and hopeful for a couple months after. I went to physical therapy every week and was progressing more than the average person would. It wasn’t until March that the downers of life started catching up to me. I was starting to get burnt out from school since I had to make up for the weeks I was recovering. I also felt more depressed. At the end of the school year things really lightened up. I got on an antidepressant called sertraline, However I never took the medication because I had the idea that it would mess with me. Day after day I skipped my medication and it finally became summer break. And not even a week into summer break I just broke down. Apparently my mind was on its last stilt and just fell and all the stress came crashing down with it. I started having symptoms like mood swings and suicidal thoughts. So my psychiatrist put me on abilify to stabilize my mood because it switched often. My mood swings were from crying to feeling like I was the coolest person on the planet, this would happen a couple times a day. I soon had my first visit to a mental hospitable due to suicidal actions. Once I finished my stay my psychiatrist took me off sertraline and put me on cymbalta. I actually took cymbalta, however another symptom showed up and I started to have extreme anxiety at the start of July. Everything seemed like they were trying to keep me in this dream called life and the only way I could end it was by killing myself. I also started to take substances like nutmeg and LSA. I felt really unstable in life. I then started a php program that was short lived before going to the mental hospital for my second stay. At the mental hospital I started prazosin and trazodone. I was also diagnosed with derealization and depersonalization By August things started to get better but I started to notice I couldn’t control my actions and impulses as well anymore, I didn’t feel like I was my usual stable self anymore. In an attempt to get a thrill and escape I took a plant called Datura on five different occasions. The drug put me into a place of delirium that felt confusing yet safe. Soon my parents found out and stopped me from taking it again. I was still struggling till the middle of September. I took 62 pills of benadryl to get the same delirium I had on Datura. I continued taking benadryl till my parents noticed my pupils dilated. Then the next day they sent me to the mental hospital again. When I got out I continued life, still struggling. I also seemed to gain 90 pounds in three months. My psychiatrist was at the point where they were about to diagnose me with Borderline personality disorder. However me and my family decided to send me to a residential school in California before anything could happen and take off the school semester. At the residential we found out that I had Hypothyroidism and was put on lamictal and thyroxine. After staying at the residence for 2 months I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. When I got home I was put into a php where at some point I ended up eating a benadryl ointment cream as a last resort to get that delirium. The next day it was found out cause I was acting weird. Thankfully they didn’t send me to the mental hospital. I soon finished php and moved on to Iop. This was the time school started. In the first week of school I decided to drink 300mg of caffeine a night to see what happens and then decided to not sleep for three days due to nightmares. At this point I was starting to go into a psychosis believing I was meant to be schizophrenic in my next life so I should kill myself. The world also started to glitch and I felt Euphoric as hell. However, I decided to sleep on Thursday to Saturday and then decided to try staying up for 5 days on Sunday. I am now finishing night two while writing this. All being said, I truly hate myself right now. My feelings for myself switch from feeling like I am superior to everyone to feeling like I am unlovable and I hate myself. I honestly hate my personality so much to the point I want to actually commit suicide. I don’t know if this is a personality disorder or if I am just actually stupid or crazy. I used to have this stable personality but now my personality is reckless and moody. If anybody relates to this please tell me because I don’t want to be alone in this. (I'm not necessarily looking for a diagnosis I am just looking for others experience similar to mine)

sometimes i just wake up feeling like the weight of the whole world is pressing down on me, and it feels like i can’t catch a break from it all. i’m 28, and i guess i’ve reached that point where everything in life seems heavy; the bills, the job that never gives me peace of mind, and the constant pressure to be more, to do better. even though i try to keep my head up and push through, it feels like every step forward pulls me two steps back. i look at myself and wonder if i’m really doing what i was meant to do, if this struggle is supposed to be my reality. i mean, why should i keep going, right? but then, there’s this tiny spark inside me that whispers maybe it’s worth seeing where it leads, maybe there’s something ahead i haven’t seen yet. sometimes it’s not about the big achievements, but the small wins, like making a stranger smile or finishing a book that lifts me up just a little bit. i wonder if that’s enough to hold onto.

there are days when i sit quietly, sipping my coffee, and the silence feels louder than a crowd, but i still choose to show up for the day; it’s not easy. there are moments where i feel like i’m stuck in an endless loop of trying and failing, trying and failing, and it’s exhausting. but when i look around, when i see the sun peeking through the blinds or hear my neighbor’s dog barking like he’s calling out to me, i remember that there are little things that make life less unbearable. it’s funny how those tiny, seemingly insignificant details can pull me back from the edge of giving up completely. have you ever thought about that? how the smallest thing can spark a feeling of connection, even if just for a second? i’m not saying it fixes everything, but it’s enough to keep me from falling too deep. i try to remind myself that feelings, even the overwhelming ones, come and go; maybe that’s what makes them bearable in the long run.

i guess the real question is, am i willing to keep trying despite it all? it’s easy to think about quitting when the weight feels too heavy, but then i remind myself of the people who care about me, even if i don’t always see it. i think about the future, the chance that maybe one day i’ll look back and realize this was just a rough chapter and not the whole story. do you ever think about that? that maybe the bad days don’t define everything? i know it’s hard to hold onto that idea when everything feels like it’s falling apart, but i’m trying. i’m trying because deep down i believe that tomorrow could be different, that there might be a reason to smile, a reason to breathe deeply and say, “i made it through this day.” maybe that’s why i should keep living, because there’s still a chance for things to change, and i’m curious to see what’s on the other side.

So here I am, 23 years old, sitting on my couch at 6 AM, scrolling through my phone like the rest of the world, and I can’t help but wonder if doing some morning yoga could actually help me chill out a bit, you know? Work has been an absolute circus lately—endless deadlines, demanding bosses, and that annoying coworker who “just loves to chat” while I’m trying to concentrate! Ugh! On top of that, my home life isn't exactly a zen garden either. It’s like a tornado of chores, family drama, and oh, let’s not forget the never-ending battle with my own mental health; I don’t need to tell you how exhausting that can be. Someone once said, “When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.” Is that true? Because at this point, I’d just like to be at peace without screaming at the top of my lungs. I keep hearing about how morning yoga is supposed to be this miracle cure-all for stress, but honestly, I can’t get over my own skepticism. I mean, sure, there’s something appealing about stretching out my tight muscles, especially when I’ve been hunched over my laptop for way too long—but will it really help? Every time I think about it, I picture myself in a yoga class, all zen and serene, looking like a complete novice! Have you seen how those yoga influencers contort themselves? Like, what even is that? And let’s not forget the smell of essential oils—it’s either heavenly or a total headache! I can just imagine showing up with my “I do yoga” sweatpants and completely whiffing a pose. People in the room would probably roll their eyes at me. “Girl, just breathe,” they’d probably whisper while I’m over there struggling to keep my balance. Yet, I feel like I should give it a try. Couldn’t I use a bit of that whole “namaste” vibe in my chaotic life? But then I wonder: could I actually commit to doing it regularly? I’m already 10 minutes late to everything, and adding a morning yoga routine to my schedule seems like a tall order, doesn’t it? I could see it now: me, madly trying to fit in downward dog before I rush out the door, only to be late again because I lost track of time trying to “find my center.” Lo and behold, my chaotic mornings would just get more chaotic! Would it really set a positive tone for the rest of my day, or just make me more irritable when I can’t get everything done in time? So many questions! I could just start with simple stretches at home—maybe throw on a YouTube video and pretend I know what I'm doing, right? They say even a few minutes of mindfulness can lead to better stress management; just breathe and focus, they say. But I find it hard to relax when my mind races with a thousand thoughts about what I didn’t do and what I still need to do. Like, why is life such a juggling act? Is it too much to ask for a little bit of balance? Probably, because let’s face it: my life has been more of a tightrope walk than a yoga class! I can't even tell you how often I've tried to squeeze in self-care, and yet, here I am, still feeling wound up like a string on a bow. But, as I delve more into this whole yoga idea, there's this nagging voice in my head pushing me to try something new, you know? "Step out of your comfort zone," it whispers. Maybe I really could use some calm in my mornings, even if I end up looking ridiculous and flailing about as my cat watches on, probably judging me, has anyone ever felt that? For some weird reason, I feel like I owe it to myself to at least give morning yoga a shot; who knows, it might even make me a better person at work and home. Plus, wouldn't it be awesome to actually have a chill start to the day instead of bursting out the door like a caffeinated squirrel? I'm still on the fence about it—do I really want to give it a go, or just keep watching random memes on my phone until the last second? Maybe if I push myself to get up a lil' early? I mean, the thought of being able to say I do yoga does sound kind of badass. And hey, I’m all about trying to make my chaotic life feel a little less chaotic; is it crazy to think that morning yoga might just hold the answer I've been looking for? Anyone out there make it work in their routine? I need help deciding here; should I take the plunge and roll out a mat, or keep dreaming of that blissful morning peace while I slip back into the chaos that is my reality?

Hi all, I just need some support. I spent the last 4 years building my life around the idea that my boyfriend and I would eventually move into our own place. The first year we looked up listings and everything but then it stopped year 2. I brought up other listings around the start of year 3 and he started spending a lot on expensive things :gaming equipment, printer etc. This made me think that oh yeah he doesn't want to get a house together (I live with him still in a rental property) I brought this up and he goes to tell me that we are no longer compatible but doesn't explain why. I wrote him a letter pouring my heart out and he didn't respond to it either, but he's been acting like he's my friend, even made me bacon the other morning and said i could stay as long as i need to. Am i hooding out hope that we can have an open communication relationship? How do I deal with being in love with him and knowing it won't work while staying polite and cordial while living with him still? Ive never lived on my own and so its a scary situation especially since I want to keep him in my life but know its probably for the best.

My boyfriend has been going through his hardest times, he lost his brother by a car accident, and he lost track of the criminal he was chasing after for more than a year, furthermore he was standing at the edge of the rooftop yesterday night— I swear I knew what that dark look on his face meant

In fact I was dumb enough to get rings already :(

But should I propose now with that high risk of getting rejected or should I wait until next year or whenever he feels better? Because I’m sure if I propose to him now, he’s going to throw dishes at me and shout at me so that he can feel better, and trust me I’m not in a toxic relationship…

i feel kinda isolated. not drastically but, in a way that makes me feel alone. I'm with my mom but, somehow that doesn't feel like it's enough.

my father left on my birthday and recently got engaged with another woman that neither my mom or myself know. my brother is two hours away from where i live and is also engaged, luckily i know her though and she's sweet. my sister has moved away with a friend and specified she will not be coming back. oh, and she'll also get engaged. my mom has a boyfriend and he has a nine year old daughter but we're not close. she never shuts up and it drains me so i subconsciously avoid her sometimes.

i dunno, i don't exactly know what to do anymore. i mean, i have a best friend but... i love them, i really do, but im starting to get awfully annoyed by them. it's just, a stage i think. not sure though but i kind of hate it a lot. i want to talk to them about this but then i worry if im making the whole thing about me and im projecting because when i usually vent i get really expressive, even in text sometimes and blow up even when i don't try to. undirected anger.

i recently had a dream whereas i had three siblings for some reason. the dynamics of tmnt which i am a fan of, kind of weird to admit but i did have that dream. it was the most enjoyable dream i ever had, even if i don't remember every detail. i only have two siblings but i remember a lot of laughing in that dream. happiness that i really crave. i was sad when i woke up. honestly, i think that reflects a lot on me lmao

i dunno, it feels like people keep leaving me, even if my mom swears she'll never leave me. why don't i believe her? genuine question, i can't bring myself to grasp it for some reason.

i live my life as an artist and a writer which says a lot, to be honest. why are we loners and why does it hurt so bad even if we enjoy it? something i've really thought about. it doesn't feel great at all.

by the way, my damn dog got taken from me by her stupid boyfriend too. keeps calling him his dog. it's my dog too, prick! actually, it's just my dog. he's an australian shepherd and yeah he's meant to herd but just because he lives with him temporarily doesn't make it his dog! does it? i don't know, i feel like im whining.

idk, point of this vent thing is cuz i really miss them, i guess. my own brain is telling me that too i guess, with the dream and all. i don't know what to do. i don't have much energy for school, either. crazy how we see our educators more than our own parents. i really wish it wasn't that way. i'm lonely, and people overlook the youngest sibling role as "spoiled and gets what they want" too much i think. more or less true too but, that's not all of it, man.

so, i guess i'm in a bit of a pickle here. i've been dating my boyfriend for quite some time now, but it feels like we're stuck on mute when we're together. whether we're out grabbing a bite or just chilling at home, there's this awkward silence lingering around us. i mean, i'm not asking for a dramatic rom-com montage, but a little conversation wouldn't hurt, right? it feels like i'm sitting across from a ghost sometimes. he’s always glued to his phone, and i'm just left wondering if there's something wrong with us or maybe just me.

i’ve been contemplating on ways to bridge that gap, to actually talk about things that matter or even the little nuisances of daily life. but here's the catch: every time i think about starting a conversation, my mind just draws a blank. like, what do people even talk about with their partners? are there specific topics that are considered safe and engaging, or do you just randomly shoot your shot and hope it lands? it's tricky because i don't want to come off as someone who's nagging or trying too hard, but at the same time, the silence is maddening. 🤔

does anyone else ever feel like they're just stuck in some never-ending loop of comfortable discomfort? i'm trying to be proactive here, considering subjects that might spark an exchange – maybe a hobby, plans for the weekend, work stuff, or even some playful banter. however, the doubt creeps in when i think about whether he’d even reciprocate or if it’d just be me talking to a wall. it’s a delicate situation. is it possible that we’ve just grown too comfortable with each other's silence, or is there a deeper issue at play?

i can't help but wonder if this is normal, you know? like, do all relationships go through this phase of stagnant silence, and do people just get through it by being patient and persistent? or is it a sign that this might not be sustainable in the long term? sometimes, i over-analyze the situation, thinking that maybe i'm overreacting, but then again, isn't communication fundamental? it almost feels like i'm walking on eggshells, just trying to figure out how to make things better without making things awkward.

so, i’ve laid it all out here. i’m seeking advice or insights on how to navigate this without causing unnecessary friction. how do you even start the conversation about not having a conversation? is there a way to break this cycle of silence without it becoming a dramatic ordeal? any tips or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated. i just need to figure out if it’s worth putting in the effort or if i should prepare myself for a different outcome. it's a bit of a conundrum, isn’t it?

Vent cause I Need to get this out of my head. I am really sorry for falling behind in school and tests, and being dead weight and making 10 out of 11 people in my classroom hate my guts. But the past three months have been absolute hell. I've gotten stranded in the middle of road, in winter, three times. Have been sick and grieving twice. And Just anxious and overworked in general. I won't ever tell them that cause I do know it's also my fault. Cause I can't get It together. I just can't. I've tried. A lot of everything for almost 6-ish years now, being dead-tired, overwhelmed and anxious. I don't do It on purpose and I hate being dead weight but this Is just the best i can do right now. Sometimes none of the things I try work. And I end up where i am right now, sick, dead tired and with a test tomorrow. Wish me luck. I'll probably survive. 🤧

it's kinda hard to deal with the realization that you’re gay after trying to convince yourself for years that you’re straight. like, I wanted to fit in, y'know? society puts so much pressure on us to be this ideal version. I've dated girls, gone through the motions, but deep down it didn’t feel right. hiding was easier. I thought that maybe I just hadn’t met the right girl or I was just going through a phase; but here I am at 19, alone with my thoughts, and it hits like a ton of bricks. my friends don’t get it, and sometimes I don’t either. they talk about girls like it’s the best thing ever while I’m just sitting there, nodding along, feeling so disconnected from what they’re saying. I thought about it a lot, questioning if I’d ever come out. what if no one understands? you know what I mean? 😕

there's a part of me that wonders if everyone else is just pretending or if I'm the odd one out. I can't shake off this feeling like I’m pretending to be someone I’m not; like a whole life crafted around a lie. every time I scroll through social media, I think about how many people are living authentically. and here I am, struggling to embrace my truth. sometimes it feels like I'm caught in a cycle of denial, questioning my feelings—was I wired differently? was it all just confusion? I start overthinking, feeling negative and doubt creeping in like a shadow. it’s perplexing, yet oddly comforting to finally have a label yet still feel so unsure about every aspect of it. I wonder, does anyone else understand this? do you feel this stuckness too; do you know what that's like?

Bro…

We have free will😦⁉️ if I’m unhappy w something do something about it. Like I get we can’t always change our situation and how we feel about them

LIKE IF SMT MAKES ME HAPPY I CAN GO DEEPER INTO THAT WTHH

But the classic saying…

‘You can change how you react to them’

Friends or no friends. My life is gonna continue. So I gotta stop this worry kinda and just do stuff(kinda limited rn but hopefully won’t be when I grow up 😭)

WRITE SMT DOWN ABOUT HOW UVE REALISES U CAN DO WHATEVER