Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

!!VENT!!

sure.. haha its my first time talking or writing about my feelings :) but I'll try to explain it as clear as i can. so.. i dont know i feel so so sooooooo overwhelmed and stressed even in smallest things, but i keep procrastinating and it makes me hate myself more... i wanna do it but i just cant.. its like my mind acts on its own like copying the homework from answers and not doing it myself - i wanna do it, i do really! but... ugh.. i hate it.. and this is the first problem i guess..

and others are like, hmm maybe very very low self esteem?? haha i know it sounds pathetic but i cant even trust myself with simplest things.. for example lets say i did the dishes an hour ago, then my mom comes and tells me that i havent done it. And i'll automatically start rethinking about it, doubting myself and manipulating myself into thinking i really didnt do it... i know its just my lame fantasies and overthinking.. but it makes my life even more harder... generally we can say my memory, head, imagination and everything related with mind is a mess!! complete dark mess!! it feels so so soooo foggy that i cant even think properly sometimes....and other problem is that i dont even trust myself with my own freaking emotions or thoughts!!! i feel like my mind is manipulating me into thinking or just making up my emotions and opinions.... i dont even trust myself.... let alone others.... i dont even trust my parents fully.... and i feel bad for it... they've done nothing but love me and support me... spend dozen of money for my education and wants.... but what about me?... im a psychopath who even doubts her love for her family!!! i feel like im faking everything and im just a evil ungrateful heartless monster inside.. who dont deserve this much opportunities.. support... love.. and trust.... they rely on me while im also lost and trying to find myself through the darkness and fogginess of my mind... i feel so useless... talentless... like my friends and family would be better off without me causing them to worry about my crazy mental health, extreme mood swings minimum twice a day, my dark jokes that worry them instead of making them laugh.... and my teachers.. who trust me... believe that i could get into good uni and take 8,5 or 9 score from IELTS (yea, english isnt my first language) while im just a dumb mess that doesnt deserve all of these... i think ur getting bored or smth... i just dont know what to say or how to explain this.. this failure.. me... oh yea another thing :) haha my writing is messy too... anyways wish u patience dealing with me!!! XD

and also i feel like my mind is a monster... it is actually XD when i wanna improve myself, when i wanna get out of this mess... my mind dont let me... it wants to be depressed... suicidal... stressed all the time... telling me that i dont deserve to be happy when im also a burden to others... and a lot more... i dont even understand it myself

I should start by saying I have kids. I am extremely grateful for that. Tonight I’m just thinking about all the stuff I’ve sat on for 3+ years from my babies because I pictured myself so actively watching other peoples kids and raising them with my own. But no one asks me to babysit or brings their kids here. Just makes me sad. I have a bottle & sippy, snack cups, a high chair, a play chair, a bouncer, a play pen, a changing mattress, a bassinet, an extra car seat even. Literally “just in case” and there’s never an “in case” from the people in my circle. I’ve always been the “lady that’s good with kids” my entire adult life.. I worked with kids for years before changing careers. People used to ask me to babysit constantly before I had my own. It’s just weird being at this point and always picturing myself being the mom with all the kids at her house but all the kids are just mine. I know it’s probably something stupid to be sad about, but I can’t help it when I see the stuff in the back of the cabinet. I know people probably just assume I don't want more kids here on top of my 3. I have twins in preschool and my oldest is less than 2 years older… but I wish they would just ask anyway.

Three months ago, our family grew with the arrival of our first child. As expected, adjusting to this new life has been challenging for both my partner and me. Our little one hasn't started sleeping through the night yet, and we're both tackling full-time jobs again. In the past, dividing housework equally has worked well for us, but recently, my husband's efforts have been slipping.

For instance, he was responsible for cleaning the baby bottles one evening, and they were so poorly done that I had to wash them all over again. He accidentally dropped the breast pump parts into the garbage disposal and damaged them. Additionally, he has neglected to properly clean some clothes after our baby's messes, leading to permanent stains. These incidents have been increasing, and it's becoming frustrating.

I've tried discussing this with him gently, acknowledging that fatigue is a factor but stressing the need for care in our responsibilities. His response is always about how exhausted he is from balancing work with home duties. I’m empathetic because I'm also stretched thin from working, pumping, recovering postpartum, and managing our home and child. However, when he failed to refrigerate the breast milk I had pumped and it spoiled, I reached my limit.

He said he'd manage everything that evening so I could get some rest. Grateful, I went to bed only to discover the next morning that the milk had been left out. He apologized, mentioning he sat down to unwind with a TV show and unintentionally fell asleep. That's when I made a unilateral decision to cancel our streaming subscriptions, PlayStation Plus, and theme park passes to afford a housekeeper. My rationale was simple: if he's too tired for basic chores, he's too tired for video games or day trips as well. We still have cable and other leisure activities but I believed hiring help would allow us both to catch up on some much-needed rest.

The backlash from him was severe; he was angry that I made these changes without his input. I thought I was making a helpful decision for us under the circumstances.

If this scenario played out in a reality show, viewers might range from supportive to critical of my decision. Cameras amplifying our household tension and my drastic solution could lead to heated debates among fans on whether my actions were justified or if I should have sought more dialogue before cutting off entertainment as a means to introduce household help.

Am I wrong for hiring a housekeeper without discussing it first?

I never thought I'd be someone who would complain about havin too much support from her parents. Honestly, most people would probably envy my situation, havin grandparents so involved and present. But lately, I swear it feels like they're takin over my house and my life. My husband and I just had our first baby—a beautiful little girl—and we thought havin my parents around would be the biggest blessing. But now, I find myself constantly frustrated, anxious, and overwhelmed. My parents have always been loving, but now they've turned into helicopter grandparents, hovering over every little thing we do. From how we hold our baby to the way we wash bottles, every single decision seems to need their approval. At first, I thought it was sweet, them wanting to help and be involved, but it quickly became clear that it's way too much. Like, seriously, do they really need to rearrange my kitchen cabinets because "it makes more sense" their way? Or constantly tell us we're dressing our daughter wrong, feeding her too often, or not enough? I mean, don't get me wrong—I appreciate that they're here for us, but it’s starting to feel like they're forgetting this is our child, our house, and our life.

The biggest issue, though, is that they're always popping over unannounced. I'll be sittin on the couch, exhausted after finally getting my baby down for a nap, and suddenly I hear the front door open and my parents stroll in like they own the place. No call, no text, nothing. They just assume that because we're family, boundaries don't exist. My husband tries to be patient, bless his heart, but I can see it wearing on him, too. The other day, they walked right into our bedroom to "check on the baby," completely ignoring that we were both still asleep. It was awkward, uncomfortable, and honestly disrespectful, even though I know they mean well. Every time I try to gently bring it up, my mom acts hurt, like I'm rejecting her help or saying she's a bad grandmother. My dad just gets defensive, claiming they're only trying to make things easier on us. But how can I tell them that they're actually making things so much harder? I don't wanna hurt their feelings—I love them dearly—but I'm an adult now, and I deserve to have my own space, my own rules, and my own way of doing things.

Setting boundaries with my parents feels harder than I ever imagined. I always pictured us being a big happy family, but this constant invasion of our privacy is straining everything. So how do you even start setting boundaries with parents who don't think they need them? I've realized it's gotta be about clear communication. I know it sounds obvious, but it's honestly terrifying to think of sitting them down and saying, "Look, we need some space." But I also know that if I don't speak up, it's never gonna get better. So, I'm planning to have an honest conversation soon—just me, my husband, and my parents. I need them to understand it's not about rejecting their love or pushing them away, it's about respecting the fact that we're our own little family unit now, with our own routines and preferences. I have to find a gentle way to say that while their intentions are great, their actions sometimes cross the line. Maybe I can suggest specific times they can come over, or ask them to call before they visit. Maybe setting certain tasks aside specifically for them, like babysitting once a week or family dinners every Sunday, will help them feel involved without overstepping. It's not gonna be easy, and I fully expect some hurt feelings and awkwardness at first. But setting boundaries isn't about hurting relationships—it's about protecting them. I believe my parents love us enough to eventually understand, even if it's painful at first. All I know is, if I don't start setting these boundaries now, I might end up resenting the people I love most—and that's something I refuse to let happen.

ppl at school tell me to kms and that apparantly im a lesbian even tho im straight (if you dont belive me , you should see mh addiction with ryan Reynolds) and i have a therapy friend , but i'm scared of them (i dont know if its coz they're really cool , or that i look up to them so much -since im so short , quite literally - or if , idk) so i cant alk t anyone , not my family , not really my friends... soo its being bottled up in my head , now i'm a really fucked up person tbh , i'm so touch/care-deprived that i want to be r@ped and m*rdered.... yeah

He knows I'm fucking crying and guess what he doesnt care. I feel so stupid for getting attached to him. He just wants a gf just for the sake of having me with him. When he wants to he'll be a good person and attentive and caring but when I need it hes not there. Its better to be alone rather than be with someone who makes you so sad. I'm an idiot for staying with him because he needs me. He says if you leave me I'll be alone. But he wants to pick and choose when to be a good bf. I'm checking out of this relationship. I feel bad for him but fuck I just keep caring less and less.

Hey, I am a mother of a toddler and a business partner (of course with my husband) and WIFE to my husband. we are together 24/7 everyday dealing all the tasks of work and home.... I am lacking fun. Thanks to my bad childhood and the most nagging and control freak mother i never had a real friendship. That is still the case and i am not able to establish friendly relationship with anyone. Literally i am with a company all day around. To be honest my hubby is a 90% good guy but miser in terms of fun or romance. to give you context, i never had any gift from him in my 12 years of togetherness. when i am feeling utterly lonely even when accompanied - in terms of fun or having a life at all... am getting frustrated and i am starting to fight with him over small insignificant matters and things become more worse, i become more stressed and back to work life routine. I feel trapped. I do not have any company for the fun part of my life. I am desperately lonely in terms of a friend with whom i could share and just have a casual no tasky or businessy or home matter conversation. I am stuck, stressed and more than anything, i am angry at myself. To be honest, i do not know how to be happy with just myself.

My older sister, who is ten years older than me, recently decided to host a gender reveal party. We have our differences, largely because of our age gap and conflicting personalities, and sometimes she comes across as quite entitled. Despite that, she is still family, making it almost obligatory for my husband and I to attend her special occasion.

To give some context, my journey to motherhood has been fraught with heartbreak. I have been pregnant four times, but tragically, none of these pregnancies resulted in a living child. I've endured three miscarriages and the devastating loss of a stillborn baby who would be turning one year old. My husband and I have since been taking time off to cope with our losses, hoping to someday be ready to try again.

Upon arriving at my sister’s party, everything was overwhelmingly adorned in pink, hinting strongly at a girl. The absence of anything blue was puzzling, given the purpose of the event. However, when the reveal finally happened, it turned out she was having a boy. My sister's reaction was extreme; she became hysterical, shouting and cursing about her disappointment and how this wasn't what she had envisioned. Her husband wasn't pleased either, dismissing the event as pointless. Watching them, I felt a mix of sadness and repulsion, knowing I would give anything to have a child of my own. Unable to bear it, we decided to leave quietly, although it didn’t go unnoticed.

Later, my sister confronted me about why we left so abruptly without offering her comfort. I tried to explain that I couldn’t empathize with her reaction, which only led her to accuse me of being judgmental and unsupportive. She expressed how her dreams were shattered, now that she had to prepare for a boy instead of a girl. During our conversation, which escalated quickly, I ended up hanging up. Predictably, this was followed by a harsh text calling me a terrible sister. My parents also intervened, implying that I should have suppressed my feelings and supported her nonetheless.

Imagine if all of this had happened on a reality show. The dramatic reveal, my sister's public meltdown, followed by the family turmoil could have been sensationalized for ratings. Viewers might have been on the edge of their seats or pouring out support and criticism alike on social media platforms. The very personal pain and familial conflicts exposed on national television could have sparked widespread controversy and discussion about the appropriateness and emotional implications of gender reveal parties.

I think I like most music... But I can't really tell. I usually adjusted to the music other people liked. Or I simply was too afraid to stand up for the music that I actually liked.

I remember being in elementary school and I saw my first K-pop video... I can't remember who they were, but this girl who seemed to be nice wanted to share her interest in music... K-pop. I was young and honestly pretty stupid back then... And scoffed at her saying it wasn't real music... She then said, if you don't like the music, at least look at the cute boys... I looked, I blushed and the lied and said..."they're not my type"... And that was a forking lie!! I have sinned! I love K-pop now... But I was again, very stupid and judgemental back in my tiny-tot days.

My favorite group is Stray Kids... But my mom would always mistake them for Stray Cats🤣!! If any K-pop came on the radio, my mom would be like... "Is this the Stray Cats"😂!? Mew😹! At some point I just agreed that my favorite K-pop group was officially Stray Cats whenever I was with my mom!

My favorite songs from them mostly consist of their Oddinary album. But I like the song Railway, Red Lights, and Drive... Yes, my brain is sludge and I need to touch grass... So what🤪! Railway's music video kinda creeped me out though... Since it seemed to have a horror theme to it. I respect the horror genre, but I would've readily watch it willingly... Unless it's Stray Kids(Stray Cats)!

Alexa doesn't seem to register when is say..."Alexa"..."play Stray Kids Oddinary Album". She doesn't seem to understand that Oddinary is an original word by Stray Kids(Stray Cats). So I have to manually tell her the title and group I want her to play for me😭! But get this... She understands what Maxident is! Or was it Maxidant? I can't remember the spelling?

I don't know if I like art? I always thought I did. But whenever I'm around real art fans, I just feel like an uneducated potato. And I honestly don't wanna hear the stories behind art or their meanings. I simply enjoy the way they look. If they bring any feeling to me without any description or knowledge given to me. But again, being around art buffs... It's not easy to make conversation with them when they seem to wanna talk about the artists, or their techniques, or the meaning behind a certain piece of art. I just like to look at it. Plain and simple.

At 30 years old, and currently eight and a half months into my pregnancy, I've had to take a break from work. Normally, I earn notably more than my husband, who is the same age and works at a local firm. We get along well with most of his colleagues, except for one particular woman, who is 24 years old. She hasn't earned the nickname but often insists she's like my husband's "work wife". This woman previously tried to critique my career driven nature, accusing me of trying to overshadow my husband, which he promptly dismissed.

Additionally, since I've been pregnant and out of work, she commented quite unnecessarily that I appear "too thin for a pregnant woman", insinuating underweight issues although I'm at a perfectly healthy pregnancy weight. Her remarks seem tinged with jealousy, perhaps disappointed that I hadn't ballooned past her own physique. She's also suggested that I'm "too old" for pregnancy, which she's done subtly as if to appear concerned rather than critical.

The incident that really stands out happened at a garden party hosted by my husband’s boss, where I was also invited. During the event, my husband commented on how refreshing his gin and tonic was. It's a favorite of mine, so I took a brief sip from his drink. That's when I noticed "work wife" staring intently. She approached quickly, launching into a lecture about fetal alcohol syndrome. I explained it was a small sip, but she persisted, questioning my judgment to the point where my husband had to step in and reassure her it was no harm.

Her response was shockingly rude; she told me if I wanted to "kill my baby," I should consider an abortion. This left everyone around, including my husband, utterly speechless. Reacting instinctively, I told her off quite bluntly to mind her own affairs. Although whispered, my reaction seemed both fitting and necessary under the circumstances.

Since then, she has bombarded my husband with offensive emails, dozens of calls, and numerous voicemails, which have escalated to the point where he reported her to HR; she resigned shortly thereafter. Nevertheless, her unrelenting contact persists, pushing us to block multiple accounts. Her behavior raises genuine concerns for her mental stability, and despite everything, I can't help feeling slightly guilty for possibly exacerbating her issues.

If this scenario unfolded in the setting of a reality show, the dramatic escalation at the garden party would likely have been highlighted with strategic camera focus, possibly making me a sympathetic figure or, depending on editing, portraying me as overly defensive. The reaction from audiences would swing broadly based on their perception, potentially dividing viewers into camps of support or criticism over my blunt response.

Am I in the wrong for reacting the way I did, or was my response justified given her invasive and inappropriate commentary?

I love lying to myself.

“It’s for me, so I can be happier!”

It’s for him, because I didn’t want it to become toxic.

“I’m not mad!”

I’m pissed, but with myself.

“It’s ok. I don’t care anymore. they’re all in my past!”

My hands are shaking.

It wasn’t you.

It was me.

It was all me.

I’m right here.

Can’t you see I’m waiting?

I took too long.

I ventured to far.

While you were waiting.

So does that make me the monster?

Does that mean I’m in the wrong?

I was the problem, hiding all along.

M y h a n d s a r e s h a k i n g .

If I could take us back, if I could just do that

And write in every empty space the words “I love you” in replace

Then maybe time would not erase me

If you could only know I never let you go

And the words I most regret

Are the ones I never meant to leave

Unsaid Emily

Myself and my husband have been waiting for a new build house and currently living with my father.

One of the items we discussed getting was a tumble dryer for the house. Given that the flat I have just sold had some damp issues (but not major ones) we bought a heater dryer and we also had a combo washer dryer. (The dryer we hardly used because it had no temperature control and liked to melt things)

So we have discussed getting a tinkle dryer so that we don’t have the same issues in a brand new home. Plus this is so much water that goes into building a new home we have been told to let it breathe for 2 years after building and purchase. Plus we l won’t have radiators downstairs as we will have under floor heating and an air source heat pump.

So no damp clothes lying around. My mother in law (MIL) is very anti tumble dryers because I quote they are a waste of money and I didn’t have one and don’t have one blanket, so you don’t need one. To be fair she had 4 kids is retired bookkeeper and myFIL had a tight grip on the finances.

My husband and I are going to get one and last time I saw her I told her that we weren’t asking her for the money towards it in lieu of presents for birthdays and Christmas. That I don’t need her approval to get one that we could afford one that over selves. Last time I saw her, when I told her this she got up in my face and was quite agressive. I told my husband who did say the reasons why we wanted one as well that next time she brings the house up that he needed to with her.

We are due to see them after a while (they have been away) at the weekend and I am feeling a bit apprehension about it.

All the while we are also a trying to start a family and it’s just a bit much. I think I might snap if she says anything and I don’t want to be mean. But it’s not her decision or her house or her life. We are trying for a family and haven’t told many people.

So, let me set things straight first. My fiancée stands tall at 6'0 — and trust me, she revels in her height. It's almost like she enjoys this feeling of being superior just because she’s taller. Now, she’s got this friend from college, Lexi, who’s only 5’1. The rest of their group varies between 5'4 and 5'8, meaning both Lexi and my fiancée are quite noticeable when they’re snapping group photos. All these friends are also going to be bridesmaids at our wedding.

Just yesterday, my fiancée approached me with this thought that had apparently been brewing in her mind. She's contemplating kicking Lexi out of the bridal party simply because she believes Lexi's distinct height makes her stand out too much in photos and somehow steals the spotlight. She even expected me to come up with a tactful lie to avoid blowing up their friendship. When she told me this, I honestly thought she was joking, but she was dead serious.

I tried reasoning with her, explaining that the spirit of friendship and the joy of the day far outweighed any so-called aesthetic issues, but she wouldn't have any of it. Finally, I lost my cool and told her straight, "Sarah, I love you, but this is ridiculous. Lexi’s been your friend for over ten years, and to kick her out over something so trivial and beyond her control, like her height, is just cold-hearted. If it really bothers you that much, maybe suggest a pair of higher heels for Lexi, but cutting her off like that... It’s just wrong. You have the freedom to choose your wedding party, sure, but if you do this to Lexi, it’s gonna make me rethink us."

Well, that blew up. She claimed I was using emotional blackmail against her and stormed off to her mom's. Now, she won’t talk to me and her mom bombarded me with angry texts for making her daughter upset.

Imagine if this whole scene had played out on a reality show. The drama and tension would certainly make for good TV, but I wonder if the viewers at home would side with me or see my approach as too harsh? Reality TV thrives on conflict and big emotions, and this situation certainly fits the bill. Would they see my fiancée’s request as unreasonable or view my reaction as an overreaction?

Now, suppose this scenario was a reality show moment, how do you think the public would react?

When my friend Anna (29f), whom I met at work and quickly bonded with, approached me to play a role in her upcoming wedding, I was initially hesitant. I (40f) mentioned that being a bridesmaid was something I did two decades ago, and frankly, I was not keen on being the "chubby older bridesmaid" among younger, slimmer women. Despite my reservations, intense family pressure and the thought that Anna must really value our friendship made me put my insecurities aside and agree to participate. Additionally, as a professional wedding florist, I offered my services for her big day, promising to waive the labor costs as my wedding gift, which was significant given her budget constraints.

The planning initially went smoothly; we discussed and agreed on the floral arrangements within her budget, amounting to $400. However, complexities began to surface starting with her bridal shower, which Anna had organized. She requested financial contributions from all the bridesmaids and required us to assist with set-up and other preparations. No problem there, until she started altering our originally planned centerpiece designs, necessitating an increased budget—something I flagged as potentially challenging.

Her behavior escalated at the bridal shower when another bridesmaid, Jane (26f), had to leave early to attend a house inspection, which infuriated Anna. Although Jane delayed her departure till 6:30 PM, Anna did not hide her displeasure, later labeling Jane as selfish in a text—signs of her emerging Bridezilla tendencies.

The complications didn't end there. Anna planned a lavish 4-day bachelorette getaway, which I had to decline due to recent surgery, a job change, and financial constraints owing to a car accident. Anna appeared understanding at the time, even when Jane also had to revise her attendance due to house closing commitments, but her reaction was anything but. She accused Jane of being a bad friend.

Close to the wedding, Anna seemed to aim at continuously reducing the floral arrangements to cut costs, eventually paring them down significantly from the initial plan. This constant back-and-forth and her reluctance to finalize the arrangements made the entire process frustrating.

Payment issues only added to the already high tensions. Despite repeated reminders, I didn't receive Anna's payment until the very week of the wedding when her mother finally intervened, sending the check just in time.

The rehearsal dinner set the stage for an uncomfortable wedding day, as Jane and I received cold shoulders from nearly everyone, excluding Anna's mom who checked on the payment status. On the wedding day itself, despite ensuring all floral decorations were spot on, the atmosphere remained icy. The bride's mother even requested changes to the bridal bouquet, compromising its design. The day ended on a sour note, with the groom informing Jane and me that we were somehow on Anna’s “bad side.”

Weeks later, an attempt to reconnect with Anna and discuss the event, remained unanswered, leading me to accept the silent treatment as her final word on our friendship.

In a curious twist, I sometimes wonder how a reality TV show would portray all this drama and turmoil. Would audiences empathize with my situation, or would they side with the bride, seeing my actions as unsupportive? Reality shows thrive on conflict and resolution—a dynamic editing might cast me as either a villain or a victim.

I can’t sleep. Why bother…? Y’know I can just… count sheep… one sheep… two sheep… three sheep… four.. sheep… god, I’m too tired to think of numbers. Atleast it made me sleepier, but… my storming thoughts aren’t gone yet. I think my girlfriend hates me. I’m not quite sure why I made this type of assumption… she sounds like she does. We argue almost daily about the smallest things… if I break up with her… then I might feel extremely miserable. I mean… I would like to, but… what about everything she has done for me…? I can’t let that slide at all… I want to cry, but I’m to tired… let’s just close our eyes and think of something else instead of… crying.