Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I'm not very good at saving money sometimes and I'm trying to change so I want to know some good tips to be smarter at it.

Thanks!

It was just probably my imagination or just probably delusional about it lol

Ok, here we go...I'm stuck in this rut of how do I proceed from here kind of thing. In a nutshell, I've been friends with this guy for about 4-5 years now, but we really started becoming best friends over the last two years. We're both in our 30s. About 7 months ago we started really hanging out more and having weekend movie watching sessions and dinners. He would reach out to me more then and engage in conversation, as well as asking to hang out. We never got past the cuddling stage, but I could definitely feel the chemistry and attraction between us. I know we were both holding back because I was just finishing up a divorce and I wasn't yet officially single. About 5 months ago, I got brave and admitted having feelings for him. We are both very open with each other about anything on our minds. The conversation was cordial, but he stated that he didn't know if he felt that way about me and wanted to "cool" things off because of the fact the divorce wasn't official yet. I completely understood from a moral perspective and respected that (not looking for judgement on this though). The kicker part is when we continued the convo, I flat out asked if he would ever see a future with us in it or if the idea of "us" is out of the question. He said he didn't know, and couldn't see into the future, but he wasn't going to close the door on the idea of there being an "us". He also is the type of person who would say if there wasn't a chance. So naturally, you can see how this gave me hope.

We didn't hang out as much after that and we still don't as frequently, BUT here's the kicker part(s): we still talk almost every day (even if he's not as talkative as he was in the beginning when things felt newer), he still confides in me, I still get invited to go with him to visit with his parents every other weekend (his parents/family loves me), we'll get quick dinners together, he's gifted me several things in the last two months, etc. Basically what is missing from before is the amount of quality alone time we get. Maybe he isn't committing to that because he doesn't want to give the wrong impression, but when we aren't in a busy phase at work/life, he will actually reach out suggesting getting back into watching shows together. I also wonder if he doesn't want to jump into anything because I'm still only a couple months divorced and he doesn't want to give others the impression that I got divorced to be with him (which isn't the case. he was not the reason for my divorce in the least)

SO THIS IS WHERE I'M STUCK. I'm so smitten with him, and have never felt this way about anyone, and don't have anyone else in my life, so on one hand I kind of say to myself, I'll take what I can get. On the other hand, I wish I could just walk away and give it some distance to let him figure out if he wants me to be that special someone in his life. He hasn't been in a relationship in A WHILE, so part of me also wonders if he's just super used to his solidarity and is really out of practice. My mind always asks myself, if there was no possibility of us being a thing, wouldn't he have just said that there was no possibility of that instead of saying he wasn't "closing the door" on that potential? Also, if there wasn't the possibility, why would he go to the lengths he does with certain things still? IDK! These are things that I feel people our age wouldn't do if they were "just friends" with each other and my close friends/family agree.

If you've gone through something like this, or had someone you know go through this, or you're genuinely just good at reading people and situations and have advice/opinions to offer, I'm all ears!

Tell me an incident which makes you believe in god

My aunt had a saying when we where little that was a snippit from a church song reworded that went "Jesus said love everyone treat them kindly too, if your heart is filled with poo, no one will live you". To be honest why is it that my family acts like thats a foreign concept, and we aren't even foreign where a freaking white medium Christian family. Its like no one knows how to be kind and no one knows what being a decent human being is like.

On another note I kinda feel like a hyprocrite for wishing for everyone to be different, because i'm the one who cant pick up on social cues and always says the wrong thing. And at this point in my life I feel like saying I have mildish high functioning autism sounds like a stupid excuse.

I have a bunch of sister, mostly older and a twin as well (non identical) and they make me want to kill myself and i'm not saying that in a joking way. Like how is it that every friend I make leaves me for my extroverted sister? It's not like i did anything wrong i really tried to stay their friends but after they meet alice they act like im boring. Some of my other sister seem to always put in the effort to make it seem like i'm trying to be weird and mentally ill but I wish I wasn't, because its not like im even a cool level of mentally ill, im the type that gets called slurs and doesn't make friends unless its to people who don't have there own friends. Even then they always then meet each other through me and kind of forget about me.

Lastly what i'm going to vent about is relationship stuff. So I have a girlfriend and she's nice and I think I like her? I don't really know what it's supposed to feel like. I felt like a bad partner for dating her not even telling her i'm genderfluid when she's a lesbian, but weirdly when i told her she didn't even act like she supported me more like it didn't matter. We are both very adhd and it's long distance anyways (just across town because we go to different high schools and we both don't have cars) so we don.t get to talk a lot so i feel like i'm not there for her anyways. Just in all I haven't figured myself out yet when it comes to romantic relationships, I might be on some spectrum of ace. But I'm just so done with people I just might be mixing up my feelings or something? I don't know. Oki thats it :))

Yesterday marked the birthday of my wife's longest-standing friend, and to celebrate, a dinner was organized at a local restaurant by her circle of friends. I was invited as a guest by my partner. To be completely honest, I've never really been keen on this friend, as she tends to be quite the drama queen, with a penchant for attributing every behavior and occurrence to her astrological sign. If I were to describe her in one word, it would probably be 'exasperating.'

Despite my feelings, I usually just keep to myself and let her do her thing during our encounters. However, during the birthday gathering, she started making a significant fuss about an error with her dessert order. To be fair, we had been waiting around 45 minutes for the desserts, so I understood her initial frustration, but she persisted in her complaints to an excessive degree. She then paused, declaring she was about to have a "Virgo moment," whatever that's supposed to mean. Under my breath, but unfortunately audible enough for others to hear, I muttered "you mean a tantrum." When she pressed me to repeat myself, I did, and explained that there's no such thing as a "Virgo moment" but simply an adult having a tantrum, leading to a brief argument and souring the mood for everyone.

Reflecting on it, I don't believe I was wrong to describe her actions as a tantrum—it was one—but voicing that opinion during her birthday celebration might not have been my finest moment. The conversation quickly became tense without any possibility of a positive resolution. I remained composed and did not escalate the confrontation, yet in hindsight, it might have been better left unsaid as it clearly had no constructive outcome. This incident made us leave earlier than planned.

To put things into context, I attended the dinner at the request of my wife. It was an event where partners were invited, and the meal was covered by her group of friends. While she wasn't excessively disruptive, such as screaming or throwing things around, her continuous complaints and attempts to confront the kitchen staff, despite their apologies, were enough to unnerve everyone.

If this squabble were part of a reality TV show, editors would likely play up the drama with tense music and close-ups, turning an annoying yet relatively mundane incident into a major clash for viewers. It's curious to ponder how the audience would react to such a scene—whether they’d sympathize with her feelings of disappointment over the birthday mishap, or side with me seeing her reaction as undue.

Was I too harsh during the birthday dinner squabble?

Recently, I experienced the joy of tying the knot, and for my wedding, my spouse crafted a stunning dress specifically for me. It holds immense sentimental value because of the time and love invested in its creation. Shortly after our celebration, my sister Elaine, who is planning her own wedding for half a year from now, asked if she could use my dress for her big day.

Elaine and I generally get along well, so it was a tough decision, but I had to decline. I proposed that we go shopping together instead, hoping to find her a unique gown that she could connect with just as deeply. To my surprise, her reaction was less than favorable, and she accused me of being selfish. When my parents intervened, they took her side, arguing that family should share everything and that it was only for a day. They couldn't understand why I was attached to an object, given my usual stance on material possessions.

The pressure from my family was intense, but I had to protect something that was a symbol of such a significant life event. As a result, I've been labeled as the bad guy, and Elaine has nearly stopped talking to me. It's a hurtful situation, but I'm trying to stand by my decision, knowing the importance of the dress to me.

Isn't it a bit much to brand me as an antagonist for wanting to preserve a cherished item? It seems like Elaine might be letting the stress of wedding planning affect her more than necessary. But then, how would the dynamics change if all this was unfolding on a reality TV show? Amidst the cameras and the scripted drama, would sympathy lean more heavily towards preserving sentimental value, or would the spectacle of a heated family argument over a wedding dress take center stage? Reality TV tends to amplify personal conflicts for entertainment, so I can only imagine it intensifying our family's tension, possibly painting me as even more of an adversary or perhaps rallying public support for my personal attachment to the dress.

Asking here because I wonder - was I right to deny my sister's request to borrow my wedding dress, even amidst family accusations of selfishness?

The recent tension between my husband, Ben, and me has been quite intense, and it's left me wondering if I'm acting unreasonably or not.

Two months ago, we welcomed our first child, a beautiful daughter named Emily. Transitioning into motherhood has been a mix of joy and chaos. Throughout my pregnancy, Ben was a pillar of strength and continually reassured me that he'd be an active participant in Emily’s early life, especially during the exhausting initial months.

Before Emily's arrival, Ben and his buddies had been organizing a men-only getaway this summer—a trip to a mountain cabin for a week of hiking, fishing, and lots of male bonding. While they discussed their plans, I’d pointed out that Emily would still be very young, and caring for her would be demanding. Ben promised that if it became too challenging, he would skip the trip to stay home with us. I held onto his words.

However, caring for Emily turned out to be tougher than we thought. The sleep deprivation, difficulties with breastfeeding, and the general adjustment to being new parents have been overwhelming for me. While Ben has been supportive, the enthusiasm he still holds for his upcoming trip is undeniable.

I brought up the subject last week, asking Ben if he could potentially skip the getaway, reminding him of his earlier commitment. He was taken aback and somewhat hurt by my request. He confessed his anticipation for the escape with his friends, emphasizing that he too needed a break. He suggested that his parents, who live close by, could assist me during his absence.

While I get that Ben might need time to unwind, I feel abandoned during a period when I need his support the most. I tried explaining that his parents' assistance, though valuable, isn't the same as his presence. But he argued that canceling now was unfair considering the planning involved with his friends. He assured me that he would ensure I had adequate support in his absence, but I felt let down.

Our disagreement has only grown, leaving us at odds with each other. Some friends suggest I should allow him the trip, noting it’s crucial for him to have a break, especially with the new stresses of fatherhood. However, others side with me, believing he should stay, given the promises he made and our current needs.

Am I wrong for asking Ben to cancel his "bro’s only" trip to help with our newborn, considering his earlier promise to do so?

If this ordeal were part of a reality TV show, one could imagine the drama and diverse opinions swirling around us. Cameras would capture every emotional plea and strained conversation. Viewers might see me as overbearing or deeply misunderstood, sparking debates and drawing sympathy or criticism alike, depending on the portrayed angle.

I never thought I would be the kind of person to even ask myself a question like this. When I got engaged to my fiancé three years ago, I was certain. Certain that he was the right choice, that we would build a life together, that the past was just that—the past. But lately, I find myself thinking about my ex more than I want to admit. It’s not that I don’t love my fiancé. I do. He’s kind, he’s supportive, he makes me laugh even when I’m stressed out of my mind. But no matter how hard I try, there’s still this small, stubborn part of my heart that belongs to someone else. And I don't know what that says about me.

Sometimes it hits me out of nowhere. Like when a song we used to listen to together comes on the radio. Or when I pass a certain coffee shop where we spent hours just talking about everything and nothing. And then all the memories come flooding back—the good ones, the ones that make my chest ache in that bittersweet way. I start wondering if he ever thinks about me too, if he ever misses those stupid inside jokes we had or the way we used to plan our future like it was some big adventure. It's confusing, because I don’t want to go back to that relationship. It ended for good reasons. We fought too much, we wanted different things, and in the end we hurt each other more than we helped. Still, part of me misses what we were before it all fell apart.

I’ve tried to tell myself that it’s normal. That maybe everyone who’s been in love before feels this way sometimes. That just because you move on doesn’t mean you erase the love you had. But deep down, it makes me feel guilty. Like I’m betraying my fiancé without even doing anything. He deserves all of me, not a part of me that’s stuck looking backward. And the worst part is, he’s done absolutely nothing wrong. He’s patient with me, he’s honest, he loves me in a way that feels safe and steady. Maybe that’s part of the problem. My relationship with my ex was never steady—it was chaotic and passionate and sometimes toxic. But it made me feel alive in a way that calm love doesn’t always manage. And I hate that part of me still craves that mess sometimes.

There are nights when I lie awake next to my fiancé and wonder if I’m making a mistake. If maybe the reason I cant let go of my ex is because some part of me believes he was “the one” and I just let him go because it got too hard. But then I remember all the pain, all the crying, all the days I felt like I was losing myself just trying to keep him. Loving him wasn’t healthy, even if it was intense. And isn't love supposed to be more than just fire? Isn’t it supposed to be peace too? I know that rationally, but my heart... my heart still hasn’t fully caught up sometimes.

Sometimes I wonder if it's just nostalgia lying to me. Making me remember only the good parts and forget all the nights I cried myself to sleep wondering why I wasn’t enough for him. Nostalgia is a liar like that, painting the past prettier than it really was. I try to remind myself of the facts, the way he would leave me hanging for days, the way he made promises he never kept. But emotions aren't logical, and memories are trickyy. No matter how many times I tell myself I’m better off now, there’s still that ache when I think of what could’ve been, what we almost had.

I haven’t talked to my ex in a long time. Part of me wants to reach out just to see if he’s okay, but I know that’s a bad idea. I know that opening that door would only bring more confusion and hurt. So I keep my distance, for my sake and for my fiancé's. He doesn’t deserve half my heart. He deserves all of it. And maybe loving someone doesn’t always mean you’re supposed to be with them. Maybe sometimes love stays even when the person doesn’t. I guess that’s the lesson I’m still learning.

So yeah, maybe it is normal to still love your ex a little. Maybe it’s just part of being human. Love doesn’t have an off switch. But the important thing is what you do with those feelings. I choose to honor my past without letting it control my future. I choose to stay, to grow, to love the man who’s standing in front of me, not the memory of the one who left. And maybe one day, that stubborn ache will fade into something softer, something that doesn't hurt so much. Until then, I’ll keep moving forward, even when my heart sometimes wants to look back.

Lately, it’s felt like something inside me is breaking in ways I can’t fully explain. Like the pieces of me don’t fit together the way they should. I’m trying so hard to hold everything together, with tape, string, whatever I can find, but it still feels like I’m unraveling no matter what I do. And the worst part is, I don’t even know who I’m supposed to be anymore. I feel lost. I can’t figure out who I am or where I belong, because I can’t even be myself in my own home.

I always feel like I’m walking on a tightrope, trying not to slip up, because one wrong step means I’m going to get yelled at. Especially by my mom. It’s like I live under a microscope, every little thing I do wrong is magnified, and she comes down on me so hard for it. But when my siblings make the same exact mistakes? It’s like she just turns her head and pretends it didn’t happen. Like they get grace and understanding, and I get anger and disappointment. It hurts more than I can say.

It makes me feel like I’m never going to be enough for her. No matter how hard I try, it’s like I’m always doing something wrong in her eyes. I start to wonder what’s wrong with me. Why I’m always the problem. Why I’m the one who gets treated like a burden. And when someone you’re supposed to feel safe with makes you feel like you’re always falling short, you start to believe it.

I don’t say any of this because I want pity. I just want someone to understand. I’m tired. Emotionally, mentally, I feel drained. Like I’m constantly carrying the weight of not being enough. Like I have to be perfect to avoid getting hurt, but perfection isn’t even possible. So I feel trapped. Stuck in this cycle where I try, fail, get yelled at, and then try even harder just to not get hurt again. I’m scared to mess up. Scared to even speak sometimes.

And the more I try to bottle it all up, the more it eats at me. I feel like I’m crumbling from the inside out. I want to feel like I matter. I want to stop second-guessing every little thing I do. I want to feel seen, and loved, and like I don’t have to constantly earn my place. But right now... I just feel broken. And I needed to say that. Even if it’s messy. Even if it’s hard. I just needed you to know how I really feel

Idk anymore..... I'm an MLM but I'm falling for a girl, I keep denying myself every day, it hurts me. But if I accept myself then I will think to myself what my family always says to me "don't get a girlfriend!" It really traumatized me. I'm only comfortable with guys, but with women. I don't know

I'm at the point in life where I don't really know what I want in my life anymore. I'm still in highschool, a senior to be in fact, I should have had my plan already ready by now but it's not.

I honestly didn't think I made it this far but here I am I guess.

Anyway, yeah. I don't know what I want in life anymore. I want to become a doctor or an engineer yet my family doesn't have enough money for either, plus they would have preferred if I had just focused on preaching. So my dream jobs are clearly out of the way.

I'd be an artist but that doesn't really get you anywhere does it? Especially with the rise of ai 'art' and so many better and more talented artists- it'll be nearly impossible to make a name and a living.

Writer? No. I used to love writting but now I have no passion for it as much as I used to. Plus my writting is mediocre, boring and plaid even.

Maybe a family women? No. I'm not exactly good enough to be a trophy wife or a housewife.

Religion? Well I don't know. I do love God. I really try to but the thing is that religion kinds destroyed my relationship with God. Does that make sense? I love God, I just don't like what some (or most) of his people had done to his name.

Suicide? I don't know. My religion has only ever taught me that death is death. Nothing happens. You don't go to an afterlife, or hell or heaven not you don't get reincarnated. You just go to a deep slumber.

And as much as that sounds good to me, it scares me.

So yes. There doesn't seem to be a path for me anymore. I guess to put it simply; I'm lost. Very very lost.

It isn't helping that graduation is coming up soon, that means my time to make a choice is limited.

To be honest, I really do just want to best for me and others. So I hope to whoever is up there to lead me to it

Is it just me or does it feel like when you’re going to relapse your whole body gets cold. Like for me when I get urges I get cold head to toe and I’m getting tired as well when it happens idk what to doooo about it

It's kinda funny when you're the only single dude in a sea of couples. Feels like I'm the odd man out. I'm 31, and while my mates are all wrapped up in their romantic dramas, I'm left watching from the sidelines. Never had a girlfriend, never been on a proper date. People look at me like I should be in some sort of crisis, but honestly, I'm just trying to figure out how to be okay with flying solo. Like, is there a manual for this? Society loves to shove the idea of love down our throats, but it's not like I'm missing a limb or something just because I'm not in love. They say everyone's journey is different, but when you're the last single soldier, you start questioning if their "journey" line is just a polite way to say, "Bro, you're screwed."

Now let's get real. Alone isn't the end of the world, though. There's this article I read once; author's name escapes me, but they mentioned how the ability to enjoy your own company is an underrated skill. So, I’m trying to hunt down that “enjoying-my-own-company” skill myself. They say solitude builds character or some crap like that. I mean, seriously, it’s not like I’m some antisocial weirdo. I've got my stuff sorted—job, hobbies, and a half-decent social life, but I’m missing that one box everyone else has ticked. You ever sit at a dinner table alone while everyone else is paired off? Doesn't it make you wanna scream, "What the hell went wrong, and where was I when everyone else was figuring out this relationship stuff?" 😤

The comparisons are a killer, though. Scrolling through Instagram, seeing my friends' bae-this and boo-that posts, sometimes I want to throw my phone into the ocean. But then there are days when I genuinely enjoy not having to answer to anyone. Personal anecdote: came back from a long shift once, made the world's nastiest greasy burger, plopped down to binge-watch Netflix for hours. My buddies couldn’t do that without getting an earful from their partners. Freedom is just a term thrown around, but for single guys like me, it's reality. Am I missing out on romantic getaways and couple goals, or am I living my best life without any chains? There's no bias here; just facts about different lifestyles.

Still, there’s this nagging feeling sometimes. Wondering if maybe, just maybe, something's wrong with me. I know it’s dumb as hell, but I can’t shake it off. It’s like this internal battle of wanting what they have but not fully committing to it. Healthy? Debatable; Necessary? Might just be. But these feelings of doubt and solitude are part of the human experience, or so the self-help books keep saying. I’m not searching for sympathy or solutions; just venting out loud, trying to find my footing on this solo adventure. So, dear reader, if you’ve got the magic formula for being cool with solitude, I’m all ears. Or perhaps we're in the same boat, navigating through this solo life without a compass but making the most of what we’ve got.

Can you hear me? Or am I mute? Can you see me? Or am I gone? Do you know me? Or have I changed? Can you find me? Or is it too late?

It’s too late. I can’t find myself. I have changed. I don’t know me. I am gone. I can’t see myself anymore. I am mute. I cannot scream.

GET ME OUT OF HERE GET ME OUT OF HERE GET ME OUT OF HERE GET ME OUT OF HERE GET ME OUT OF HERE GET ME OUT OF HERE GET ME OUT OF HERE

There is no escape.

This has been my fate from the beginning.

I am gone.

Who am I?

Do you know?

Am I who I was?

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I’m scared.

Who am I?

nothing left nothing left nothing left nothing left nothing left nothing left nothing left nothing left nothing left nothing left nothing left nothing left

I don’t know you.

Do you know me?

Was I ever ok?

This body isn’t mine.

It isn’t theirs.

It isn’t ourse.

It doesn’t belong to us.

I prob look insane rn but can i argue with that i literally am lolz