Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

For as long as I can remember, I've been the go-to organizer for all of our group activities. Whether planning getaways, dinners, or gatherings, it was a role I thoroughly enjoyed — until it became less about fun and more about expectation. Recently, my role as the organizer has morphed in the eyes of my friends, who playfully nicknamed me the “mom” of our group. At first, it was amusing when they commented on my punctuality or joked about not having to sweat the small stuff because I'd have it covered. But when "Mom" became my moniker in our group chats, the term of endearment felt more like a taken-for-granted label.

Our latest trip was meticulously planned by me, as usual. I organized everything from the Airbnb to the itinerary. While I hoped for some involvement or at least gratitude from my friends, all I got were more jokes and no offers to help. Pushed to my limit, I decided to cancel the entire trip. This led to an explosion of disappointed and angry reactions from my friends, who accused me of being an overreactor and spoiling the fun needlessly. Now, they’re offended, and I’m left questioning my decision: Was canceling the trip an overreaction on my part?

Moreover, the expectations and lack of recognition have left me feeling undervalued, prompting my drastic decision. If I can't enjoy our trips without feeling like a caretaker, maybe it was time they took on some of the responsibilities themselves.

Imagining how this scenario would unfold on a reality TV show adds a dramatic layer to the situation. There would likely be dramatic music as I announced the cancellation, followed by the shocked faces of my friends, each reacting in their unique ways. Interviews would follow where each friend laid out their frustration and confusion, and I'd explain my perspective in a tearful confession. Social media polls might pop up, with viewers siding either with my decision or against it, and dissecting every element of our group dynamics. It’s intriguing to think about how public opinion might sway in such a context.

Did I make the right decision cancelling the trip?

i grew up believing something was off, but i couldn’t quite put my finger on it. it wasn't until i hit my late twenties and started therapy that the pieces clicked. both of my parents exhibit behavior that's frighteningly consistent with narcissistic personality traits. my therapist used the term “narcissistic perverts” once, and it rattled me, because it fit too well. not in a dramatic, made-for-tv kind of way, but in the slow, insidious kind of manipulation that wears you down without you even realizing it. it’s exhausting living with the constant feeling that your emotions are invalid, your achievements are never enough, and your boundaries are optional suggestions they feel free to ignore whenever it suits them 😒

my dad masks his manipulation behind a facade of reason and logic. he’ll say things like “i’m just being honest” or “you’re too sensitive” whenever i try to call him out on his emotionally dismissive behavior. growing up, he would tell me i was “too dramatic” whenever i cried or got upset, even if i had a legitimate reason. like when i came home from school one day in tears because a teacher publicly embarrassed me—his response? “you probably deserved it.” that sentence never left me. it etched itself into my memory as one of the countless times he made me feel small. he doesn’t scream. he doesn’t throw things. but his silence and cold logic cut deeper than any raised voice ever could.

my mom, on the other hand, plays the victim card like it’s her career. everything is always about her. if i tried to talk about a bad day at work, somehow it would spiral into a conversation about how she once had it worse. i remember mentioning i was struggling with depression in my early twenties, and her response was, “you don’t know real pain until you’ve been a mother.” i just stood there, numb. there was no space for my pain, only hers. she uses guilt like currency—reminding me of the sacrifices she made and how ungrateful i am for not calling every day. “after everything i did for you, this is how you repay me?” is her go-to line whenever i set even the smallest boundary.

what makes it worse is the gaslighting. when i bring up specific moments or confront them with how their actions made me feel, they either deny it happened or tell me i “misremembered.” it’s like arguing with a wall that changes shape every time you touch it. nothing sticks, and you start questioning your own perception of reality. this constant emotional distortion makes it hard to trust others—and harder to trust myself. even now, when my friends validate my experiences, there's still a little voice in my head whispering, are you sure you're not just being dramatic again? 🤷‍♀️

lately, i've been distancing myself. i limit contact to occasional texts and birthdays. part of me feels guilty—like i’m being a “bad daughter.” but another part, the part that’s finally learning to breathe, knows this space is necessary. healing doesn’t mean pretending it never happened or forgiving before you're ready. sometimes it means stepping back, protecting your peace, and acknowledging that some people—yes, even parents—are toxic. do you ever wonder how many people walk around thinking they’re broken, when really, they were just raised by people who shattered them without ever lifting a hand? if you’re reading this and it resonates, i hope you know: you’re not crazy. you’re not dramatic. you’re not alone. 🖤

so well when I was a kid I had a dad and he will always hurt my mom I never like her seen in pain by my dad.. I tried to help her but she push me away and didn't do anything until one day she decind to go the boxing and I was proud of her but then that when she change she became rude like my dad and I was scared and when I started to grow up even more things got different my sister who's was born was 2015 she was a rude to me a lot and nice but she always used to lie to my mom and dad that I did something it hurt me too much and I was getting pare with my older sister that she was pretty sweet nice kind .always got A's on her test/grades I wanted to be like her but I just let everyone down I am a stupid daugther who does nothing right I always get called annyoin rude a bitch and whore and miskat why do I have to be like this so I did the worst thing but before I will you guys I used to scrach my neck and made it into a cross it stranded for me something that I did bad anwyas back to the aprate soo well what I did bad was sh (self harm) I did it all over my body I didn't know what do to then my mom found out and too me to theryp... and they wanted me to get send to a mh (mentle hospiled ).....

I hate commiting to people, they're unpredictable and it takes to much effort to stay friends or whatever else a relationship may want to tilte itself as. At times my mental health is just doing bad, or I just realized how bad they actually are. Other times I feel like they don't need me, or don't actually like me. So I leave. People always make me so tired, no matter how hard I try I end up leaving them idk why... and I may be a horrible person but at least I'm starting to realize that people arent for me. I don't need them. Theres a hole that no one can ever seem to fill.

I feel almost completely alone deep down. The people in my life seem to just abandon me at my lowest moments now. And I struggle with extreme disdain and self loathing. Yet I also feel like I’m being ridiculous at times, like I don’t deserve to be feeling the way I do because I haven’t experienced enough badness in my life. I don’t get therapy enough. I make poor choices continuously. I am really at the edge of losing hope for myself entirely. And all of it sparked from girl problems, or at least, the recent parts of it. So I guess, what would people have thought if they had seen all of this on a reality tv show?

im not sure if this is the right category for this but i just need to get it off my chest so sorry if i start rambling a little bit

im 18 and honestly have been contemplating whether or not i should be alive right now.

for the last six months, my life has been pretty miserable. people talk about the uni experience like it’s some exciting thing but for me it’s been nothing but a source of dread and anxiety. i had a pretty rough last two years of high school where my grades plummeted to C’s in some classes and while i did get decent grades to get into uni itself, my uni grades have been so much worse. it’s been really hard seeing it happen because growing up i associated my worth as a person with my grades and therefore with bad grades im basically less than your average person. i failed some classes in my first term and i have been trying to rectify it this term but i lost my dog almost exactly a month ago tomorrow and have felt myself spiralling deeper down this depressive? episode if you could call it that.

for the last 11 years my dog’s probably one of the only people who has loved me unconditionally. im sure my parents’ love me but it always felt like if i didn’t meet their standards i was useless and a disappointment. they know about my uni grades which sparked a lot of strain on our relationship. as if there wasn’t enough already.

and i know people’s go to response is oh you need to talk to someone!! whether that’s a friend, sibling, or family but like my situation is different. i don’t think my friends could really help me with this and my parents aren’t very approachable and my brother is like 10. i love my parents wholeheartedly and while i get that being the oldest child means that they learned how to parent through me it’s just so hard being told that family is always there for you when i know that’s not the case. my dad’s there physically but not mentally and emotionally for his kids and my mom tries to be but she’s got a quick temper and constantly makes little comments about my appearance, weight, acne etc.

anyway we just got into another argument after they found out i got a bad grade on a midterm and it kind of made me realize how much i hate myself and my life. it kind of scares me that not even 15 minutes ago i was thinking about when i was back at my dorm i could just take a crap ton of painkillers and fall asleep and hope i don’t wake up or take a hike and get lost in the woods on purpose.

i also realized that some of my habits in the last couple months have been pretty self destructive/ could be seen as sh? like i stay up all night on my phone mindlessly watching a tv show/movie, reading books or comics even when my eyes are burning and then when i fall asleep it’s like im asleep for hours or like mindlessly playing video games(which have always been a coping mechanism/decompressor) for hours on end despite knowing i could be using the time to be productive.

i’d just like some sort of sign to keep going, something to motivate me because im very close to just ending it.

[Translated from Spanish. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

Jessica Romina Alcaraz Guzmán.

You cheated on me with your superior, you thought I wouldn't find out, you're the worst, you deserve the worst in the world.

I hope you find your other half or your other trash in the dumpster. You're scum.

for forever, i had tried to seem perfect. trying to be that constantly-motivating-setting-examples for my not so guided friends. but what do i get out of it when i cant be my own example? for far too long i havent been able to get out of bed without a bad mood.

Trigger warning: Loss and suicidal thoughts.

Being a 29 year old male, I fucked up my life so far.

I had depression and aniexty from my adolescent years that's been with me to this day. My mental issues has stopped me from finishing my college education, dating and working for most of my adult life. At age 19 I dropped out of college and threw away my close friends to become a gaming recluse. My parents worried for my future but I just just wasted my days away, planning to end my life at age 25.

At 20 I started taking care of my grandma who watched me in my younger years. She was the only reason I stayed alive. I was paid by the state to care for her, so I spent the next 9 years of my life caring for her as I became a hermit. I was with her for 5 days of the week; taking her to appointments, bathing, cleaning, and just checking up with her often. She cared for me back by feeding me, hanging out watching movies, talked, and gave me a grandparents' love.

At age 25 I fought the urge to kill myself. I contemplated a long time if I should still carry out my plan. In the end, I decided not to because of my grandmother. Without me, she wouldn't have help to live her own life. Around this time I reconnected with my friends and life seemed better.

At age 26 I needed better Healthcare insurance, so I started working another job. I was prepared to fail, become a social outcast, and be judged for being a depressed mess. I was wrong. I was more capable than I though; I excelled at my tasks and spoke to both colleagues and clients reasonably well. Sure, I had awkward first interactions and conversations.. But it wasn't all the time.

At 27 I got into a car accident that gave me a concussion. I still suffer side effects from this injury to this day. I'm not as mentally fast, more forgetful, and can't intake information nor speech from others well. My life is still spiraling down from this; with some of the aforementioned effects worsening some days.

At 29 my grandma moved away to live with other family; my dad wanted his siblings to do their part as her kids and care for her too. She passed 3 months after moving away. 4 months after she passed I resigned from my job. My work stress, depression, and aniexty was at a all time high. I was unable to sleep, suffered from chest pains/eratic heartbeats from stress, couldn't socialize with others well, and was not getting any work done.

I regret this decision.

Sure, I feel mentally clear now, but having no income and not able to find a job is worsening my mental again. I tried trading futures recentl6 but I only lost money due to my impatience.

Nowadays, I don't want to wake up. I spend my days lazing around in bed as I apply for jobs, attempt trading but to only lose my meager savings, and try to think of reasons to live. My current reasons are for my family and friends.. I can't imagine what they'll go through if I ever commit.

I hope to find a job by January; that's when my funds will be dried up. Until then, I'll try to start back a routine and care for my physical health again. Maybe I'll try running again.

Thank you for reading.. Oh, and if this story was on TV, would you watch it? Do you think the main character will enjoy life again and find a job? I hope he does, I don't want this story to end soon.

ppl at school tell me to kms and that apparantly im a lesbian even tho im straight (if you dont belive me , you should see mh addiction with ryan Reynolds) and i have a therapy friend , but i'm scared of them (i dont know if its coz they're really cool , or that i look up to them so much -since im so short , quite literally - or if , idk) so i cant alk t anyone , not my family , not really my friends... soo its being bottled up in my head , now i'm a really fucked up person tbh , i'm so touch/care-deprived that i want to be r@ped and m*rdered.... yeah

Hello all, I might sound a bit ridiculous, but I really need to vent. Yesterday, I picked up a regular-sized bottle of salad dressing for a dinner I was planning. To give you a bit of background, I handle most of our financial responsibilities—groceries, the mortgage, you name it. I usually get along well with my partner, but we recently had an argument over the most trivial thing. Typically, a bottle of salad dressing lasts me about one or two weeks because I don’t use much. We decided to have dinner together last night, and to my surprise, I noticed the entire bottle was empty. It seems like my partner used it all in just one day. I felt this was a bit excessive and selfish.

When I confronted him, I simply suggested, “Maybe you could use a bit less so it lasts longer?” But instead of understanding, the conversation blew up into a massive fight. He laughed and accused me of “making a mountain out of a molehill over some dressing.” Since I’m the main one buying groceries and this isn't the first time that food has disappeared before I get a chance to enjoy it, I’m frustrated. We’ve talked about this before. He thinks I’m being petty about a few dollars, but from my perspective, it’s about being considerate since I’m footing the bill. It’s just us two in the house—no kids. So, am I being unreasonable?

Imagine if this was a segment on a reality TV show. The scene could dramatically zoom in on the empty salad dressing bottle as suspenseful music plays, then cut to our heated dialogue with viewers at home gasping at the audacity. How would the audience react to such an everyday disagreement blown up on screen? Would they side with me for seeking some consideration, or would they think I'm overreacting about something minor?

How do viewers think a reality show audience might react to my salad dressing dilemma?

I’m new to this and I just need to vent out some of my frustrations. Advice or guidance would be appreciated. There are not a prominent number of people present in my life that are familiar with this issue. If someone who has experienced this or knows someone who has experienced this wants to share some advice/feedback/ect, I would be indebted and grateful. Idk if this will be approved, hopefully it will.

———

I have noticed that my loathing comes in waves. I will have a moment of time where I feel fine and somewhat okay with myself. Revisiting the evidence that a homosexual relationship is fine, the Bible only condemns homosexual sex. However, I will fall back into that trap of loathing over the existence of my homosexuality, wondering “What if I’m wrong? What if even the mere concept of being in a relationship with a woman is bad, even if it is not sexual?” Then boom, I’m pulled back into a depressive episode that affects everything from my school, to even my personal relationships.

Even though I’m trying my darnedest to hide my struggling, part of me wants others to notice, so I can be given comfort or support. Is that attention seeking? I’m not sure, but that is the only way I feel comfortable enough ”asking” for help. I’m not great with words or emotions, so maybe if people can put the dots together and come to a conclusion, then my actions and what they see will do the work for me. So that I don’t have to walk up to them and initiate the uncomfortable conversation, they will do it themselves. The closest I came to genuinely approaching someone for help was the social worker, and she didn’t listen to me and dismiss my problems, claiming it was something else entirely.

I don’t think she can relate or empathize with what I’m going through. Sexuality in tandem with religious guilt is a bit more nuanced than simply feeling lonely or having a bad break up and feeling sad about it. I have tried talking to some of the other people who visited her. One of my friends visited her for her issue. She told me a very similar story, that the social worker listened to her for around five minutes and then proceeded to misinterpret the situation and spin it into something else entirely. Recommending something that for not help address the issue, usually it consists of “You are just lonely and need friends, get friends, ignore the issue, and focus on school. It is not that big of a deal because it a phase that we all go through,” (Well, a hyperbolic summarization, but that is what I and many others took away from her meetings.)

I have yet to meet anyone who has actually benefited from their visits with her. I think I’m better off confiding in one of my teachers, I know them, they know me, there is more comfort and trust. The problem with confiding with someone is no one is really familiar or understanding of my situation. From my own experience and observations, there is not a lot of people who know or are familiar enough with such a nuanced and risky situation. If I confide in my friends there will be two parties, the side that says “Hell yeah, kiss women! Screw your religion,” and the “Idk, just stop being gay and marry a godly man, lol.” Both are not helpful in the slightest, I can’t just abandon God, or stop being gay, (I have already tried.)

I empathize with the fact that she most likely does not understand what I’m experiencing. I’m not superb at communicating my emotions or being vulnerable. I’m too walled-off and emotional inept to be equipped with the necessary capabilities to effectively express my grief. I feel as if I can’t trust anyone with this information. It required a monumental amount of effort to push myself to even apply for the appointment, let alone attending it. I’m dreading the next appointment...

She recommended that I acquire more female friends because I’m devoid of “girl-hood”, it irritates me that she deluded my feelings to something so trivial and simple. I have experienced this attraction ever since I was in elementary school. I have always been drawn to femininity and the female figure.

I have had the desire of wanting and desiring another woman carnally. Femininity is enthralling as well, I just can’t help but appreciate and bask in another woman elegance, beauty, and grace. I felt and experienced such deep-seated feelings for women that I never had for a guy. The feelings and appreciation for women span such a nuance that only I would know. It would be futile to attempt to put them down on paper (or in this case text.)

She telling me that not attracted to girls, that it is a phase that I can get over, and that I just want to be like them. I regret not correcting her on my perspective, however, I’m too effete to speak up any how. I crave the intimacy, connection, and something more carnal that one can only receive through a deeper more intimate relationship. What I desire cannot be found only in “girl-hood” or within the confines of a platonic relationship. As such, attempting to find solace in it with a woman in a platonic realm is futile, and only leaves an impression of emptiness more than anything.

However, I understand her position, she is not a woman whom is burdened by homosexuality such as I am. No matter what she does or attempts to do, she can simply not understand my feelings or experience, that is acceptable, I do not fault her on that. She is doing the best that she can from her limited familiarity on the subject, and I appreciate her effort.

Returning to the note on my sexuality, I’m frustrated. I feel deeply disgusted by the affections and desire that I have for other women. I’m sickened by the carnal nature of my lust for women. I feel grossed out when I have the desire to hold hands with another woman, cuddle with another woman, perhaps go on a romantic evening stroll with another woman. I’m angered at the desire to pursue a romantic and deeply intimate and deeply-seated relationship with another woman. Why am I like this? Why.

I feel nothing but guilt and shame upon myself whenever I think of ever experiencing something beyond platonic means with another girl. It is an intangible idea for me to yearn for. Whenever I experience these ideas I feel I have spat in the face of God and my faith. I’m perverse and degenerative for experiencing these feelings for other women. Why can’t I have been born normal, why could I have not been born fancying men instead for women, why am I like this?

I despise myself so heavily for what I feel. I’m so alone and trapped, there is no one I can run to without objection or disassociation. At times I wished that god made me a boy, that I was not born a girl. That is not to say that I desire to transition or anything akin to that. It is simply that I yearn to have been birthed as a biological male, so that I could love women without sin.

I’m so envious of heterosexual women and men in general that it sickens me to my core. Why was I cursed with homosexuality, what did do to deserve such a lonely and miserable state? I pray that men and heterosexual women never take their freedom for granted. They are fortunate people to not be burdened by guilt that people like me have to endure.

I beg that this is a phase, that I will move past this and become heterosexual. I hate my sexuality, I hate my vice, I hate it so much.

Why was a born to only be condemned or casted to be lonely, it is not fair. Why did you curse me with this God, why? I don’t understand, it hurts me so deeply, what did I do?

I just feel alone, hurt, and guilty. I’m mad that I can’t get over this. I think that it is gone, that I have moved beyond that point of grief. Then, it hits me again, and begin having doubts. I feel disgusted with my feelings and myself. I’m angry that no matter how much a pray or suppressed my homosexual urges and desires, they come back. I wish I didn’t feel this way.

man, i dont even kno what to say. like seriously, nothing matters anymore. i wake up, i do what i gotta do, i go to sleep, repeat. its all the same, every day. nuthing exciting, nuthing different, just the same boring ass life over and over. people talk about goals n dreams n all that bs but like, what for?? u work ur ass off just to be tired, just to pay bills, just to end up at the same place. so why even bother. i tried to care, i really did. but caring just make things worse bc u get disapointed, u get hurt, u get stress over things that probly dont even matter in the long run. so i stopped. now i just do what i need to do to get thru the day, nothing more, nothing less.

ppl say oh u just need to find somthing u love but what if i dont love anything. like fr, theres nothing that make me wanna get up in the morning. job? boring. school? waste of time. hobbies?? dont even have those anymore. use to try stuff, sports, music, even stupid things like learning to cook or whatever, but i sucked at all of it so whats the point. why keep trying when u kno u gonna fail. and dont even tell me "just work harder," bc working harder dont mean sh*t if u have no talent in the first place. so yeah, i gave up. not like in a dramatic way, just like, i dont put energy into anything anymore.

i see ppl all excited about stuff, making plans, talking about there future like they actually got things figured out. good for them i guess. but i dont see that happening for me. future just seem like a long ass road of more of the same bs. wake up, work, sleep, repeat. its like life is some game i never wanted to play but im stuck here anyway. so now i just stoped pretending. stoped acting like i care when i really dont. maybe one day somthing will change, maybe not. honestly? dont care either way.

As the title stated. I'm 27, male, living with my narcissist mother. I'm severely mentally ill. I also may have a disability but I can't afford assessment. I can't leave because I have no money. Been consistently applying for jobs. No one wants to hire me. I'm tired, angry, frustrated, and hopeless. I can't commit suicide, because I have a cat.

My cat is the reason I'm even here this long. I love her to death. Her name is Melissa.

My mom is trying to kill her. I see her using toxic sprays that can harm her. She over feeds her. I educate her on why. She pretends to understand but will do it behind my back. When I confront her, she acts stupid like she doesn't know what I'm talking about. Consistently lies to my face.

This been 7 years... And it's getting changing me for the worse. I want to hit her but I can't do that to my mother.

I want to runaway, but I can't leave my cat alone with her.

My cat is my savior. All I ever want is just to have some form of financial freedom so I can leave my mom, block her out of my life, and have my kitty be in a safe space with me.

But I guess that's too much to ask for.

I'm scared to rehome her. I also don't want to rehome her....my cat is VERY aggressive around strangers. The thought od betraying her and rehoming her will make her not trust anyone. She's very defensive and territorial (she's spayed).

I don't know what to do.

I fear if I leave her to shelters, they will just euthanize her... And my god, the thought if that will kill me.

I have had an idea...but even in this ve t space, I'm not comfortable opening up. But if I turn 30 and I don't see any improvements. I have an idea to bring me and my cat peace that we deserve at last.

It was last Christmas when I (27f) had the joy of inviting my family and friends to a unique “dinner and a show” experience, not only for the festive spirit but also because I had contributed to designing some of the costumes for the evening’s performance. We were all seated at a significant table close to the stage in a tiered theatre setting, where the seating arrangement included multiple levels of tables each descending closer towards the stage. Positioned at the back of our table, my seating placement put me exactly at head level with the table directly above us.

As we began to enjoy our meal served from a delectable buffet, an alarm suddenly went off right next to my ear. The couple from the table above was away filling their plates, and as the shrill beep continued unabated by my side, it became disruptively loud. After enduring the unpleasant noise for a couple of minutes, I noticed that the source was an iPhone. In an attempt to halt the disturbance, I reached over and lightly tapped the snooze button on the phone. I firmly planned to notify the couple upon their return, presuming the alarm could have been a simple reminder, possibly for medication.

However, my actions didn't sit well with my mom who was seated opposite me. She was visibly shocked and began reprimanding me for handling someone else’s belongings. Although I explained that I merely snoozed the alarm to cease the loud noise, she firmly lectured me on the inappropriateness of my actions, even suggesting the alarm could have been set for something crucial like medication timing. I remember retorting that I had only snoozed it and intended to inform the owners as soon as they came back. Nevertheless, my mom continued her reproach in front of everyone, including my friends and soon-to-be sister-in-law, criticizing my behavior.

Upon the couple's return, I immediately apologized for my action and explained the situation. They were understanding and even apologized for the inconvenience caused by their unattended phone alarm. Surprisingly, they weren’t upset about me touching their phone at all.

Since then, the incident has been a recurring topic. My mom remains unapologetic and firm on her stance, which has been somewhat embarrassing in front of family and friends. While many support my decision, citing the disturbance caused by the noise, some do share my mom's view on privacy and the sanctity of personal belongings.

In another light, imagine if this incident had unfolded on a reality show. How would the audience react to such a scenario? Would they side with me for trying to diminish a continuous annoyance, or would they agree with my mom's perspective on privacy? Reality TV thrives on these kinds of personal dilemmas and audience polls on such matters could lead to heated debates in the comment sections or even affect viewer perceptions of the characters involved.

Am I wrong for snoozing the phone alarm?