Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

ok seriously i dont think i can survive tonight

i am scared to comeback home, i still remrmber my trauma from my dad its not going away, and he started shouting about how theres secrets being kept and i feel those secrets are keeping me alive and maybe free idk, im scared to come home now, i thibk killing myself is the only option, no ones saving me, im fucked, i dont deserve a family, im fucking everything up all the time, im lazy seriously

Sorry if some words sound a bit off. English is not my native language and I’m using a translator, but I really need advice on what I should do in this situation.

I met a guy last month at a very crowded nightclub, in one of the most expensive neighborhoods in my city. I’m aware of my own reality and background, but he was the one who showed interest first. He approached me and invited me to join him, but I was with some friends at the time. Later, at the end of the night, he came back to talk to me and we kissed. We exchanged Instagram, and the next day he messaged me.

We kept talking and getting to know each other’s routines, and after almost three weeks of talking, he asked me out and I agreed. It was honestly one of the best dates I’ve ever had. He was very kind and affectionate with me. We exchanged affection, kisses, and intimacy, and I felt a real connection. It was a very good and intimate moment. At no point did he make me feel less than him or comment on my financial situation or anything related to that — and I was aware of where I was getting myself into.

When I got home, I sent a couple of messages saying I was fine. The next day, he sent me just one message at 7 a.m. saying he had gone for a run. I replied normally, but after that, he never responded again.

Now I’m questioning everything. I don’t know if I did something wrong during the date or if he was just pretending to be interested this whole time. I don’t know if I should keep waiting for something from him or if I should just move on with my life. I didn’t send any more messages because I didn’t want to pressure him, but it has been four days since the date and he hasn’t reached out at all.

P.S:

I only mentioned his financial situation because it is very far from my own reality, and, honestly, it made me feel a bit insecure. I know these kinds of connections usually feel like something that only happens in movies, but this time I just wanted to give it a chance.

I truly don’t care about money. I came from very humble beginnings, and the only thing I look for in someone is loyalty and companionship. I don’t know what his thoughts are, but I believe I made it clear to him that I don’t have the same financial conditions as he does. I don’t want to believe that someone would choose or reject another person based solely on financial status.

Should I insist or just let him go? Did I do something wrong ?

Soo, my classmates told me that they kind of saw someone on her messenger app that has hearts labeled on em. (Like, they're trying to tell me that she's already with someone, you know.) And I'm unsure if it's true or not, but it's giving a heavy and unsettling feeling. Because I too, saw it earlier. At first, I thought it was just her parents (hey, some people love their parents a lot. But that's based on my POV.) but I also noticed that she hides it, like she's trying to not get caught at all. So now I'm rethinking everything, like as in. Was it worth it? Ten months of admiring from afar, planning this gift for her at our closing event, and pretty much thinking about how perfect she is in my perspective. Maybe I guess I'm not destined to do this after all? I don't even know man... The upcoming final exams are going to be the end of me, and I don't want to seem like an intruder in someone's relationship bcuz that'll make me look like a creep... I guess I should just give it up? Or maybe anonymously give it, like let someone else do the gift and say it's from an anonymous person. So that I won't have to bear the weight of nervousness because it's really my first time.. IDK MAN plz, maybe my intuition is right?? Or maybe its just parents or loved ones??? I cant stop of thinking about so much possibilities. :(

Last Friday evening, during our family dinner, my ten-year-old daughter, whom we'll call Emily, shared a troubling issue about her school environment. We were casually chatting about her science class and some projects she was excited about when she mentioned that her teacher's daughter, whom we'll name Beth, was also a student in her class. Instantly, alarm bells went off in my head because this situation seemed like a textbook example of a conflict of interest, and I nearly spit out my dinner.

Trying to maintain my composure, I inquired whether there was a special grading system in place for Beth to prevent any bias. Emily, looking puzzled by my concern, informed me that there was no assistant in the class and that Beth's mom treated her just like the rest of the students. I remember thinking back to my own naive school days and reassured her with a smile, patting her shoulder before she left the table. Later, when my husband got home, I explained the situation and my plan of action. I argued that it was obvious Beth could have access to the school material beforehand, and even if she didn't, her mom was likely to score her assignments leniently to boost her grades. That’s a typical parental instinct in such scenarios.

However, my husband suggested I was jumping to conclusions and might not have all the facts. His reaction surprised me. I’m usually not one to judge, but I felt like my husband and Emily were being extremely naive. I had a restless night, and first thing in the morning, I emailed the fifth-grade team leader demanding clarity on this issue. I didn't hold back in expressing my readiness to take this up with the principal if the suspected nepotism wasn't addressed. It’s disheartening to see our schools potentially compromising fairness, and it's frustrating that our tax dollars might be supporting this.

After seeing my email, my husband advised me to think it over and possibly retract my complaint, citing potential embarrassment to ourselves and Emily. I left the room, shocked at his indifference. Communication between us has been minimal since, and I’m struggling to understand his reluctance to support what I believe is right for OUR daughter. Certainly, the school must have another teacher or an aide who could handle Beth’s grading to prevent any bias.

What has left me even more disturbed is my family’s reaction to my concerns; they almost make me feel delusional. But, am I really in the wrong here?

If this were a reality show, I wonder how the public would perceive my actions. Would they see me as a concerned parent fighting for justice, or as someone overreacting to a non-issue? The drama and confrontation might actually make for good television, highlighting how ordinary family conflicts can escalate and the lengths to which a parent might go for what they believe protects their child's interests.

My son’s father and I began dating in 2019. We were happy, no fights. I got pregnant and had our son in September of 2022. I broke up with him shortly after the birth because I didn’t want to raise two kids if I only gave birth to one. He’s a decent father, I can’t say that he doesn’t love our son and that he won’t do anything for him. My issue with him is his parenting style. He doesn’t really know what to do, and I can’t fault him for that because we’re both figuring things out as we go.

Our son lives with me full time. He has never had an overnight sleepover at his dad’s . I arrange all childcare while we work. I buy all of his clothes, food, diapers, arrange all play dates, doctors appointments, etc. I have the insurance, i paid for any and all cribs, pack n plays, car seats, etc. This isn’t to say that his dad isn’t supportive and won’t provide financially. I’m certain that if I asked, he would give (I just don’t ask). The problem is, he doesn’t think about any of this stuff. So why should I let him sleep over.

**Backstory** He lived with his parents when we were dating and just lived out last November. He never told me he moved. I found out because he posted something on social media and my brother privately texted me asking when he moved and I knew NOTHING about it. And I know there’s a new girlfriend in the mix that he’s probably living with because he accidentally called me her name when we were on a family ice cream date together. I’m not stupid, I can put two and two together.

Am I wrong for not allowing my two year old to not sleep over at his dad’s house when I don’t even know where he lives or who he’s living with?? (He did give me the address finally but I haven’t been over to check the place out).

I'm 15 and I'm feeling suicidal, the only reason I don't do it is because the few friends I have would be left traumatized and I don't want them to feel like shit because of me.

I hate my life, it's not bad per se, we're not poor but there's always something making me feel worse.

My dad gets angry at me for the littlest things and he's never helpful, he can't help in homework, doesn't do anything around the house other than cook. He gets angry like hell even only if I Huff around him that he'd say he'll slap me (he never did but it's still scary), my mom helps but she's overwhelmed, she's got work and me and my brother and then my dad because he cannot even do something that takes too much effort. I'm basically refraining myself from sharing opinions, saying what I really like or think or show anger when I get angry around him because anything could become a reason for me to get him angry.

He doesn't even fake to appreciate me, I get a good grade, well I was supposed to, there's no reason for me to even get a compliment, I get a bad grade and he shoves it in my face like it's fun that I did bad.

He's probably racist and homophobic, Ill never ever tell him my sexuality, and he keeps joking about me not being able to get a boyfriend otherwise he'll beat him up.

I cannot dress how I want, I'm not talking about miniskirts partying all night, I'm talking about not being able to wear simple alt clothing because he doesn't like it (he gets angry because of a choker, that doesn't even have weird shapes on it like satanist or something like that, it's just a heart in the middle).

I don't know what to do, I don't wanna keep going all this, all this shit just makes me worse and it feeds other insecurities I have and I don't know if there's a way to fix this. I don't want to ask them about getting a professional I can talk to because that way then I'd have to explain to them why I need it.

My intelligence is in decline, and it shows through my dropping grades and my sudden inability to form a single thread of rational/coherent thought, nonetheless converse properly with others. This might have been because I withdrew myself for the past few years, isolating myself from all social contact like a fool because I couldn't handle relationships anymore and pitied myself for being part of a broken home---it might've been because all the pain I felt back then messed up my brain.

I can't think clearly anymore, and my head feels stuffy all day every day; it doesn't stop. I've said so many hurtful things to this girl I recently came to care about, because I didn't realize what I was saying as my brain short-circuited every second and automatically rushed to the first (and often inappropriate) thing that came to mind. I'm so frustrated with myself right now. Before my withdrawal I used recognize and manage people's emotions really well and be able to navigate my interactions with others with a degree of emotional intelligence; now I'm simply an airhead who's too stuck up in the clouds to concentrate on her words.

I also used to excel in school and was basically the "smart kid" in class. Now I've built up a reputation of holding her head in front of the whole class, crying, "I'm sorry; my brain is short-circuiting"; stupidly staring at her textbook with a blank stare when the teacher asked her to answer a question about what we read; and responding to "What American history topic do you want to write a poem on?" with "Bloody Mary."

I went to a doctor last November in search of answers, and it was confirmed that I had an iron deficiency (but not anemic yet). I took pills regularly afterwards, but even now that my iron levels are in normal range, I still experience brain fog. I told my doctor about this, and it just seems everything points to a mental problem. Yet I can't check with a psychologist because of circumstances that can't be helped. I can't do this anymore. I feel like an utter failure and feel so alone right now.

I have a 1 yr old bunny who I give medicine to every day, I was venting to my friend in school about how scared I was. There was another girl with us who was laughing and she said ”oh sorry I was thinking about something” I call bs, she’s a rude person and overall disrespectful and disruptive. While I was mid sentence she cut me off to say something funny she saw on TikTok. Later I had a lesson and my friend skipped the lesson to go outside and the other girl, let’s call her Mary. Mary told my friend ”that girl [my name] talks SO much” while she’s screaming in school and being a pain for everyone. I was just trying to talk about my SICK bunny but no I’m not allowed to speak apparently. How disgustingly disrespectful can you be girl??

so I just like kicked my friend's chair FOR FUN AS A JOKE I may add, and he turned around and said "Hey, don't hit me WOMAN" and I gave him a warning look and he said "Yeah, I said it!" and the teacher came over (shes w btw) and asked what was going on and my "friend" said "well SHE kicked the back of my chair and because they don't like being called a woman I called HER a SHE" and now I don't even want to be in the same room as him help me

Here is the Google Doc for the whisper. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HD_6uIuAvSYwy_zKGEj7rWaRgJnT5bxgMv-pJcE-Qsw/edit?tab=t.0

Anyways, longer version.

what if I gain a lot of weight in only a few months, because many people say at this age, you change weight drastically. What if I go from 45 to 60kg in only a few months, while I still stay 5'4"? I'd look chubbier since I'm not very tall. What if from February to 25th April, I can't fit in a tank top I probably bought somewhere during April itself for Joseph? Or my jeans won't fit? One cosplayer said she took 3 months to make an outfit, and when she wore it on 5th month to an event, she couldn't fit and she had to re-sew the thing and she felt bad because she got late. What if I go from my perfect beanstalk self to looking like a middle aged at only 14, because my fat got fatter? No woman likes being old, they all say that in their memoirs because they're fat, they got menopause, and they're weaker! How come my mom seems so chill at 44, she literally grows tiny but dark chin hairs which I have to pluck! I'll gain 20kg in only 2 months! They said drastic change, so it's drastic! I may eat the same, but if I eat slightly more, I'll get fat. Puberty hits people hard, and trust me, I've heard some women say they go from skinny to very curvy somehow. I don't wanna get fat, especially if the tank-top I'll buy or jeans I already own are stretchy or fit me just fine, and if they don't I'll feel bad because I'm buying extra when the wig and boots would be the most expensive parts already. Plus, imagine I go from S to L sized from the same food I eat, maybe I should stop snacking or eating so fast. 2 months can do stuff, maybe! What if I balloon from my already normal 45kg, which I don't feel bad about because that weight as of now is fine for me. What if I suddenly get hungrier in one month and start eating more, until I store fat instead of whatever other important nutrients? My dad may say if I eat a lot and fast it's good because my body needs to grow, but I don't care, the older you get, the slower metabolism is, so I'll end up 60kg in 2.5 months only. 2 months may be too early. What if I can't even fit the dress anymore, with my own clothes. I haven't fluctuated too much now, but what if I get some random hormonal issue that causes me to gain weight faster at 14?? My mom already grows small darker chin hairs because she's 44, and maybe she has PCOS, even when she tells me no like I asked something weird. She could be lying. Plus, what if my makeup looks bad on my face? I've seen kid cosplayers not even be able to put that because their parents didn't allow, and when they grew up with makeup they mock their younger selves for it. My mom may buy me eyeliner for the face lines and maybe an eyebrow brush to thicken my brows to resemble Joseph, but on one hand I'm cosplaying a guy as a girl, I may look ugly and too angry because of the eyebrows being too weird, the face lines may look ugly even if I concealed my face with the usual stuff, I don't have contact lenses so what if I look weird with my dark brown eyes, and I have braces so it's even worse and what if the wig also looks weird when I style it with hairspray and comb and how do I maintain it? I'm gonna regret going when I'm gonna become 25, I know it! At 25, you HATE when you were a kid, even if you had fun, because fun doesn't cover up bad embarrassment.

I'm now 35 weeks into my pregnancy and have been staying at home, waiting for my maternity leave to start. My partner, on the other hand, continues to work and usually gets home around 4:30 PM. By that time, I'm just beginning to prepare dinner, usually ready by about 5:30 to 6 PM.

This routine has been quite standard since I stopped going to work. When he arrives, he often mentions he's hungry because he hasn't had much to eat all day, sometimes only a small snack or nothing at all. I've suggested packing lunches for him, often with leftovers, but he constantly refuses, claiming he isn't much of an eater. Before we lived together, he would generally order something for himself, but now he waits for the dinner I prepare.

However, today was different. He came home and asked if I could have dinner ready by the time he walks in the door, so he doesn't have to wait for me to cook. I explained that it's too early to have dinner fully prepared at that time and that he’s the only one who's really hungry then. We also have a 4-year-old, and serving her dinner so early just doesn't work.

He responded by saying that he discussed it with his colleagues at work, who claimed their spouses always have dinner ready when they arrive home. He expressed how frustrated he was about always having to wait sometimes an hour to eat. I told him it wasn’t my obligation to fix his eating schedule throughout the day and that he would need to rely on snacks because I wasn't planning on cooking dinner any earlier.

This made him quite defensive, and he tried to make me feel as though I was in the wrong. But I genuinely believe I haven't done anything wrong. It’s just not feasible to change the entire household routine to accommodate his unusual eating habits, especially when I’m this far along in my pregnancy and also taking care of our young child.

I can't help but imagine how this conversation would play out if we were on a reality show. Viewers would probably be split, with some sympathizing with his hunger after a long day's work, while others might argue that with a baby on the way and a young child already in the home, it’s unreasonable for him to expect meals to revolve solely around his schedule. Reality show audiences love drama, so this conflict could likely turn into a major plot point with people passionately defending both sides.

Today was a taxing day for me. After my daily shift ended, I plunged into the task of baking a red velvet cake. The cake was for my younger sister, who just turned 12, and I wanted everything to be perfect, from its regal color to its fluffy texture.

Sinking hours into the preparation, I was quite proud of the outcome. However, the day turned sour when my mom came rushing into the kitchen. She has this compulsive habit—my family suspects it might be OCD—of tidying up constantly, although for her, it seems to be more about hygiene than mere neatness.

Whilst rearranging the contents of the fridge in her typical frenzy, she accidentally knocked my painstakingly crafted cake onto the floor. I stood frozen, anticipating her reaction which would set the tone for mine. Hoping for at least an apologetic word, I was dismayed when instead she erupted, berating me for being careless and extending her irritation inexplicably to my other three siblings.

Overwhelmed, I retreated to the bathroom and tears came, a release I haven't sought in years. It might sound silly, but it provided a momentary relief. Meanwhile, the chaos continued in the kitchen. My two older siblings attempted to mediate, offering her a different perspective. Rather than calming down, she defensively shouted back, suggesting somehow the blunder was my doing.

Further pressed, she shouted louder, "So is this my fault?" Her voice broke, revealing a hint of emotion that made me feel unexpectedly guilty.

She continued ranting about how fortunate I was that it was her who made this mistake as anyone else might have left the mess. Knowing her well, apologies were off the table; she has never uttered one in my 16 years. What I yearned for, more than anything, was that simple acknowledgment of error.

Abandoning the situation, I left the cake and the chaos on the kitchen floor, feeling somewhat guilty as she was left to clean up alone, possibly fueling her anger.

If this scene were unraveling in a reality show, the cameras would zoom in on the fallen cake, capturing every angle of the disaster and every ounce of emotion in our expressions. Such dramatic moments are a staple in those shows, and I wonder, would the audience sympathize with my plight or would they judge my reaction? Would the public's view influence her behavior, seeing as audiences sometimes sway what occurs onscreen? It’s something to ponder—how the presence of an audience might alter our familial dramas.

Given this tense situation, I often question if I was wrong for just walking away. Should I have stayed and confronted the mess and the emotions head-on?

In what world is a college basketball coach worth 1.2 million dollars for an annual salary? How can a coach make more money annually than the University President? For that matter, how can a university president be worth an annual salary of over $500,000?! Hey good for them! If the university is willing to pay that kind of money then who are they to say no. I just think it is out of line for people who work in an office, Mondays thru Fridays with weekends, nights and holidays off to make more that $250,000 per year. Just saying.....

I am 56 years old and met my best friend in university when we both were 19/20 years of age.

In comparison to me she had a hard upbringing. Her mother had her with only 18, father left the family when she was a small kid and built a new family with a new woman. This new wife tried to cut her out of their life as much as possible and her father went low contact. Her mother turned to alcohol, became a heavy drinker, which resulted in my friend living in different families until she got her own flat when she was 16, supervised by the authorities. Later her mom married again, also a drinker, and they got 2 more children (her mom died in her early 50s). My friend struggled a lot, but successfully managed school and made it to Uni. Without financial support from home, she had to work. Some of her jobs where in the grey Zone: escort service or selling used underwear to weirdos. She also got herself older boyfriends to make ends meet. In general she had a disturbed view on men and relationships. Kind of understandable.

We went through uni and started our jobs which led me into another Country. We always held contact though it thinned out over time due to working and being apart 300 Miles.

When I married she was my bridesmaid (in our culture we usually have only one). I struggled getting pregnant and she with finding a partner. Due to her background she had Kind of weird expectations, always thought her men were unfairhful, though she always had something on the side, just to be save in case of being Left. Morally I never supported her lifestyle but I could relate as she never had a real dad, a safe home and Security.

Then she met a guy, got pregnant after one month and married highly pregnant. A party would be to come after giving birth. At This point she was reluctant me visiting her. I understood (new marriage, baby and house) and I also went through IVF and more at the same time.

When I was 40 I finally had my child. We had contact via phone, but never seemed to manage visiting each other. One day we talked on the phone when all of a sudden she turned to short answers and ended the conversation. This was the last time we spoke, ever.

After a few months she accidentally picked up the phone when I rang, said she is in a hurry, will come back later and hung up. It’s been more than 10 years……for years I tried to call her, sent birthday and x-mas wishes. Nothing in return. I was and am ghosted completely.

BTW: During our last phone call we didn‘t fight or argued. I remember that I was talking about my father in-law, coz they had just stayed at our place the week before.

I am 90% over it, still I would give the world to know what happened. Was it something I said or did? I do not want this friendship back, but I feel I have the right to know the reason. It would just be fair! Funny thing: she is working as a psychotherapist, being praised online for skills.

Wonder what the internet has to say?!?!

I struggle with social norms and over the years I have also become angrier and more selfish, with episodes of feeling hollow inside.

I always struggled with social norms - especially when it came to small talk and other niceties with family and friends. I always chalked it away to “I don’t contribute unless I have input”.

However, I was always someone who put others before myself, to the point where I started believing that I didn’t deserve good things for myself. I found a partner who helped me rethink that, and helped me learn to love myself more.

However, as I started to embrace self-love and pursuing my passions, I find it hard to strike a balance between wanting to be there for myself but also being there for others especially my partner. I got angry when I had to devote time and attention to others, thinking that I had finite time left on this earth to do what I wanted to (context: have been a working adult for 5 years at this point). I felt like they didn’t understand me (ironic cos I struggle with communicating my needs so how would they know lol).

What used to be struggling with social norms soon became apathy - I felt like I didn’t care about remembering an aunt’s name or visiting my partner’s hospitalised father. Some might say these are expectations while others disagree, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that I know I started becoming more apathetic towards anything but myself (though I still try very hard to show up for others.

One day it got so bad that I rationalised with myself that breaking up with my partner or losing important people in my life was okay.

I even looked up neurological / psychological conditions cos it felt like I was regressing to my childhood at some point because it’s my safe space. It’s very worrying because I know a part of me truly cares for and loves others, but can’t strike the balance between caring for myself and for others. My therapist told me that I had built such strong walls and paradigms over the years that I’m somehow self-sabotaging I.e. by crying for help while also pushing people away or being okay with losing my loved ones because I was always alone as a child anyway.

Perhaps a part of me still doesn’t believe that I deserve to be happy, and is wrestling with this impostor syndrome while the positive part of me is desperately trying to fight back. Maybe I still lack maturity. Or maybe I’m just not a good person.