Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Can a therapist count as a life coach ? Maybe, I don't know. I figured it's a close thing, so I tagged it like this. Do tell me if I'm wrong though ^^'.

Anyway, I've been seeing a therapist for a few months now, and I don't know how to feel about them. I've been telling them my issues with my mom and stepdad and how they've treated me since childhood. Here's a list of some things that I mentioned in therapy without the heavier stuff :

- Criticism over my looks, behavior and scholarly achievements

- Yelling at me over the most minute thing ( ex : me wearing sweatpants in summer as a teenager )

- Wanting to act as if everything's fine after an argument

- The cycle of basically everything's fine for a period of time, but then they find something to be angry about whatever I'm doing

- My parents not listening to me and minimizing when I'm trying to bring up my concerns

- Things that involve my mom not really holding men that touched me innapropriately in the family accountable ( which includes my stepdad )

There are some things that I haven't told my therapist, and in all honesty, I think I already gave an idea of where my grievances lie. I'm not going to say what exactly happened, because I feel I can talk all day about those, and I don't want the post to be too heavy. Here's the thing though, I've told my parents in an admittedly harsh way that the moment I have enough money, I'm moving out, and I'm going to cut contact with them. I've also told that to my therapist, as well as me being angry and tired of the cycle that's been going on since I was a kid. There was a part of me that was a little vindictive towards my parents (still am a bit, but less as time goes on), but I ultimately want them to leave me alone. Where I don't know how to feel about that therapist is, I told them about all of this, and they consider me keeping my distance with my parents to be me acting like a teenager having a rebellious phase, and that me not talking much to my parents was actually hurting me (despite me having already brought up one of these points up above). That's because I always cry whenever I talk about how my parents' actions towards me affected me. I don't think me distancing myself from them is what's actually hurting me though, it's the memory of all the hurt I felt that's making me cry and their mere presence. Maybe I'm just in my feelings and I'm overthinking and even being a bit dramatic, but ever since I had my first appointment with that therapist, they reminded me of my parents in the sense of minimizing something that felt pretty chaotic to me for multiple years. They even asked me "apart from [insert grievances], what did they do ?", and it felt like they weren't taking the "less impactful" stuff seriously, all because they weren't as significant as me getting touched innaproprietely or something violent.

I am aware I have my shortcomings, so do tell me where they lay. I might bring my concern to my therapist next week (though I'm scared of what they might say). I hope you have a good day/night, and I'll see you soon <3

It starts small. So small I almost don’t notice it at first. Just a tightness in my chest, like I’ve forgotten to breathe properly. My thoughts get a little louder, a little faster, like someone pressed fast-forward on my brain and now it’s running ahead of me, out of control. I try to ignore it, tell myself it’s nothing, that I’m fine, but my body has already decided otherwise. My hands feel weird, kinda tingly, kinda numb. My stomach twists into knots, and suddenly I feel like I might throw up, even though I haven’t eaten anything in hours. But the worst part? No one around me has a clue. I could be sitting in a room full of people, having a completely normal conversation, nodding, even laughing at the right moments, and no one would know that inside, I’m barely holding on. That’s the thing about a silent anxiety attack—it doesn’t look like what people expect. There’s no hyperventilating, no shaking, no obvious signs. Just me, stuck in my own head, trying to act normal while my body is screaming at me that something is very wrong.

I’ve gotten good at hiding it. Too good, maybe. I’ve had these episodes since I was a teenager, and over the years, I’ve learned how to perform through them. I know how to keep my voice steady even when I feel like I can’t breathe. I know how to smile and nod while my heart is pounding so hard I swear it’s about to explode. I know how to keep eye contact, to ask the right questions, to seem present, even when my mind is looping through the same terrible thoughts over and over again. What if I pass out? What if I embarrass myself? What if I just lose control completely? And the scariest part? No one ever notices. They just keep talking, keep moving, keep living their lives, while I sit there drowning in my own head. And then, just when I think it can’t get worse, the exhaustion hits. Like my whole body just gives up after the fight. My muscles ache, my brain feels foggy, and all I wanna do is sleep, but I know when I wake up, it could all happen again.

I wish I knew how to stop it. I wish there was a switch I could flip, some way to tell my brain, hey, chill out, nothing’s actually wrong. But logic doesn’t work when anxiety takes over. People say things like just breathe, just relax, but they don’t get it. If it was that easy, I wouldn’t be feeling like this in the first place. I try grounding techniques, counting things in the room, touching something solid, focusing on sounds around me. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn’t. The only thing I know for sure is that I can’t keep living like this, constantly waiting for the next wave to hit. Because that’s the worst part of anxiety—it’s never really gone. It’s always just waiting, lurking in the background, ready to take over the second I let my guard down. And honestly? I don’t know if I’ll ever be free from it.

I feel like love has knocked on my door. It seems like some stories are approved and published, while others aren't. I feel like I'm standing in front of the love of my life, the person I've loved the most for a very long time. I can't wait to be without her for one more minute. I can't stop thinking about her, and it's not in an unpleasant way, a back-and-forth, but quite the opposite. This time, I like the feeling I'm experiencing, and it's sensational. I also feel like it's two-way, not just a one-way thing. I feel like this time we're both on the same wavelength, not one going in one direction and then the other pulling, and so on. It's the best thing that could have happened to me in my life. I don't really like it when some stories are published and nothing is said about them, unlike others; it's like leaving aside things that are separate from one another, and it's not pleasant.

I want to be with that girl I met in that library. It's not a lie; I feel like we both love each other deeply. To hell with it, whether others believe me or not, to hell with the structures I have to break, I only want to be with that girl forever. I'm tired of so many failed attempts with girls, always ending at a distance. But how long will that end? For so long, I've been waiting for the doors of love to open before me. I can't waste it under any circumstances; this only happened to me once as a child, and now it's happening again; it's the same feeling.

I don't know where she is, not even her name, I just know that I love her deeply. I wish she could penetrate my WhatsApp—I feel like all my stories are equivalent to the same thing; I feel like every one you post, every one you comment on, every one you should let me know. I feel like love has finally come to me. How many years have I been searching for that feeling I felt as a child again? That's why I embarked on this personal journey again, because I felt it was there, just dormant. I can swear, I've found it again.

I can't let this girl leave my life under any circumstances. I couldn't handle that reality. Ever since I realized that girl loved me, but because she neglected her feelings, I couldn't be with her. It hurt so much. I'm exhausted from so many romantic disappointments. This has to be my chance. I pray that it is. I can't take another one. If it is, I feel like I'll go down the drain.

When I was a kid, I made so many mistakes with the girl with whom I felt that special something. I despaired. I broke up with her because of that, via Messenger message, precisely because of that, because I couldn't stand it anymore. I feel like it's been haunting me for the rest of my life. I was a kid too. From that moment on, I haven't had another girlfriend. I can't believe that right now I'm experiencing that same feeling of connection again, that same feeling of wanting to be together. From so much writing, from so much digging myself out, I managed to reach that possibility again, that I might experience something rich with someone, something pleasurable, something full of joy, not confusing, but rather euphoric.

How is it possible that in such vague encounters this girl and I have felt the same thing? It's simultaneous. Maybe I was wrong when I said that love existed—I feel like a woman's daughter isn't talking to me because I didn't look further; she's sort of directing that beyond; it's obvious she likes to be mischievous in terms of rebelling against her mother, but I wasn't going to do that. I feel like I do feel it here, I do experience it. When I left seeing this girl, I only felt joy and more joy, and I don't know why; I think I've only seen her twice, and it was by accident. I don't even know what she studies, or anything about her life, I just knew that I loved her. It can't be, this seems to be, what they call love at first sight.

Damn! I feel very excited—on another website, these kinds of stories were deleted, and I didn't understand why. I never thought I'd experience this love at first sight thing. I mean, with that girl, I was just being sketchy, the way she likes it, and that was it. Always remembering such an act of respect, which I know hurts when someone doesn't remember you. I feel like we somehow connected; I remember that wherever I was, she passed by me, and I looked at her many times, and then I realized how much it bothered her, and I bowed my head, just like she did, and we connected. I felt like we understood each other in a very, very deep way, and it's fascinating to find someone like that in this world.

I remember her carrying books, nervous, always trying to do her best. I couldn't get enough of her. I was in those shoes too. A few weeks later, going to the place—where he works, apparently sometimes—I identified the annoyance he felt about coming on a weekend, and I knew it immediately. I understood that annoyance, and also how hidden it was, and how naturally he expressed it. It felt like I'd found my soulmate a long time ago. I never thought anything would happen to me. It was a truly beautiful experience A week before, I remember, I was trying to get away from her. I always saw her looking for some scenario to start a relationship, and that was exactly what I did. Of course, that was something she didn't like when she saw it in someone else, just like me. I feel like we have these things in common, but there are several more. Where there's one, there's more. I definitely don't think about blaming a woman to get to her daughter; I know that was what she wanted with me, it was a counter to her daughter's pranks, which, apparently, isn't the first time she's tried to get rid of her.

After so much exploration, I saw that all those emotions were perhaps not what I thought they were. I admittedly let myself go. At first, I saw it as something grand, fantastic, phenomenal, but today I see it as something flat and relaxed. I thought I'd take her to the ends of the earth with all the luxuries, but I think I was a bit deluded. I hope that girl has settled down just like I have. Although, after falling into this lull, I confess, I don't know what to do. I thought there would be many more details, but I don't feel like I'm missing any.

So, after everything I've written, what did I feel? Indeed, we're talking about empathy, but that's not what I mean. What will I go beyond? Was this just a momentary joy? Will I never go out with her, and will it go any further? Will I then return to my boring old life? I don't see my life as a good thing right now, under any circumstances. I've already left there; I don't want to go back. I say it, truly, I want to be with this girl, I want to go out with her, and I don't think she'll take no for an answer. I know it's not right to be together, but how many times have I said that and realized there's no such love? How many heartbreaks have I had? I feel like this woman's daughter isn't talking to me because I didn't go further with her; Out of respect, and I feel like him distancing himself from me seems like a very toxic form of pressure. "When will I be with the new girl? When will I be with her?" "I feel like the thing with the girl didn't work out because I didn't want her, I didn't love her in any way; in fact, since I stopped trying with that girl, I feel like I'm no longer on the path to repeating my parents' story." "I feel like with this new girl, I'm heading towards a new story, a story where I'm finally with myself, where that's reflected."

I have to say it: I feel like I love this new girl, and that's it. However, I'm worried about making a mess, about the repercussions on my environment." "Another girl felt those feelings, and by becoming a mess with them, she lost me permanently; to the point that I had to permanently leave where I was so as not to feel her persecution. Plus, an entire environment supports her with the mess she'd turned her life into; how much damage can a person do when their life is about to fall on them or explode every now and then."

fuck the dumb government. Racism, genocide, robbery, kidnapping, transphobia, murder, all those nasty shitty things. You are right, this world is a hellscape. Just wondering, but maybe try finding any anarchic groups, because fuck the goddamn government! Kill trump! (those who wanna kill Trump , also I made the emojis yellow because I fucking hate the brown, black and white bullshit from the filthy humans, what good have we done to our Mother Earth? Too bad I'm a kid not living in USA, but if I had the chance, I'd nuke the full Earth. I'd wish the world got hit with an asteroid, and I'd die along with it. Pucci was right, the world I flawed, if he were real, he could've fixed it with the reset. But for now, let's just hope Trump dies. Stalin was right for communism! Look at Vietnam today, they're all peaceful! In fact, we need to start hope. We need a new mass group to hold protests in USA, because as of now it's the most powerful nation, to spread peace and be ruthless to those who don't chose the bad ones. We must show niceness with ruthlessness. We need to free the people of Gaza from that orange faggot. Too bad I'm a kid living elsewhere, so I can't do shit. What I can do when I'm older is advocate for equal treatment, which you hate everyone, treat them all badly. I wish I could burn the world, burn everyone, burn myself, and just...the universe would be healthy. I mean, come on, aren't my ideas good? What has kindness done, nothing! Gandhi died. Ho Chi Minh died. The British got to live like the motherfuckers they are, and now, NOW, they're only suffering, but not as much as my poor nation which has too many poor people because of their FAT ASSES SHITTING ON WHAT WAS BEAUTIFUL. if I was on Tumblr, I'd be loved. if I was in Britain, I'd join the punks and goths, who all agree with me, I'd be chain-smoking, nude-walking, berating, side-eyeing and yelling in protests about how broken the world is and how this can fix it. I'd murder Trump successfully, I'd kill those white guys who hurt those innocents in Gaza, I'd sign petitions to divide the USA into The Republic Nation and Democratia. Fucking murder ICE so badly, they should suffer the same as us, those horrible, disgusting fuckers. Fucking N*zis. You're right, this world is a hellscape. I want everyone to die except those who tell the truth like you and advocate for justice, not this demonic pieces of sh*t. Fuck

I guess I just need to get this off my chest, and maybe someone here will get what I’m going through, because honestly, I’m kind of spiraling even though I’m trying to stay calm and polite about the whole thing, you know?? I’m 37 years old, been single for what feels like ages, and my family never misses a chance to remind me about it, always these jokes from my siblings, like they think it’s harmless, but it digs a bit deeper every year because I’m trying, I really am, even if they don’t see it!! And suddenly, out of nowhere, someone walks into my life who makes me feel things I thought I left behind in my mid-twenties… and now I’m terrified about messing everything up before it even really starts?? Maybe that sounds silly?? Maybe you’ve been in a similar spot?? I keep asking myself if I’m overthinking or if this is just what happens when life finally throws you something good and you don’t feel prepared for it.

So, the thing is… she’s a stripper. And yes, I already hear some of you sighing or raising an eyebrow or thinking “dude, seriously??” which is exactly the problem, because that’s how my family will react, I’m pretty sure, and it’s driving me crazy before they even know anything. I met her at a friend’s birthday outing, and she wasn’t working then, she was just there, relaxed, laughing, talking like a normal person (because she is a normal person, but I’m embarrassed to admit it took me a minute to see that clearly). We ended up chatting for a long time, and she told me about her job in this kind of open, matter-of-fact way that honestly impressed me!!!! She wasn’t shy or ashamed, she just explained that it pays well, she’s safe, and she’s saving for something better. And all I could think was how confident she sounded, how mature, how honest, while I’m here stressed out because I can’t even handle my family’s dumb comments half the time?? Isn’t that ridiculous?? Sometimes I wonder if I’m the insecure one in this situation and she’s actually the one holding all the maturity.

The more time we’ve spent together, the more I like her… maybe even love her, which feels scary to admit but also kind of hopeful. She’s funny, she listens, she’s patient with my awkwardness, and she seems to genuinely care about who I am, not what I should be by some outdated family standard. I had this moment last week where we were having dinner and she touched my hand in this simple, gentle way, and it just hit me that I haven’t felt that kind of warmth or connection in so long. Do you ever get that sudden wave of “oh wow, this could be something real” and then immediately panic?? Because that’s me… every... single... day!! And then I start worrying again, like what will my brother say, or will my mom look at me with that disappointed half-smile, or will my cousins make their stupid jokes behind my back?? Why am I still scared of these reactions at my age?? I’m 37, for goodness sake, and yet I still worry like I’m some kid trying to hide a bad report card.

But here’s the thing I keep coming back to: maybe this is finally a chance for me to live for myself instead of for what people expect. Maybe dating someone who’s honest, caring, hardworking, and brave enough to choose her own path, no matter what people think, is actually a good influence on me?? I even told her the other day that I was worried about my family judging her, and she smiled and said, “One step at a time… we’ll figure it out when we get there.” And that kind of calm confidence shook me a bit, in a good way!!!! I’ve always been polite, always trying not to upset people, but maybe I’ve been too careful, too scared, too controlled by everyone else’s opinions. Isn’t it strange how we can be grown adults and still be trapped by stuff we should’ve outgrown years ago?? Does that happen to you too??

Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m hopeful… genuinely hopeful for once. I know there will be awkward talks and judgment and probably some uncomfortable family dinners, but I also know that she makes me feel alive and appreciated and seen. And isn’t that what we’re all looking for?? I’m not ashamed of her, not really, not when I’m honest with myself, just scared of the noise around us. But maybe I can learn to let that go, bit by bit. If you’ve ever gone through something like this, how did you handle it?? Did your family come around?? And if they didn’t, did you still move forward anyway?? I really want to believe that choosing someone who cares about me is the right thing… and maybe, just maybe, this is my chance to finally build something real!!

so I've been friends with her for about 3 years, and I'm not even over exaggerating when I say she has no concept of things beyond what she has experienced. she literally thought sore teeth didn't exist because she never had them. so anyway she judges me for practically everything I do, and I swear its like she struggles being happy for me, when I literally went on call with her to give her advice while she was talking to a guy, listened and hyped her up for three days straight when the guy was all she ever talked about. so recently when we were volunteering these two guys came up to us and one was tall and kinda cute and the other was not ugly but he looked like REALLY young like out little brothers young, and the tall guy asked for my number and the short one asked for hers. I was already looking at her though because she has pulled all the guys in the past so I didn't even expect one to ask for my number. so afterwards we kinda just went on with what we were doing and she kept calling them chopped chuz when mine wasn't acc chopped... so like I kinda just acclimated to what she was saying and agreed but she literally wouldn't stop calling them chopped like literally doing it nonstop so I started getting deffensive bc he acc wasn't and it was annoying me. so she like reluctantly stopped for a bit. so I've been texting him and stuff and he is actually super sweet, but one time I asked her for advice for what to text because he said something I didn't know how to respond to and she just said "idk just stop talking to him" and switched the conversation to her. so I confronted her about it and literally reminded her about how I listened to her talk about her crush for three days straight, and she literally just disregarded it. she literally gets like upset when I talk about him. and on another tangent, I get tired super easily. like, get 12 hours of sleep and still be yawning in class tired. because of it, I don't always want to hang out after school with her, and recently she has started getting petty about it. whenever I say I don't want to hang out she literally says "ohh is baby too tierdd did she not get her Naptime" like what in the highschool musical bullying... like ik I'm making all of this sound like a joke but it's actually so draining. I don't think she realizes how many little comments she makes but they have gone from not thinking before speaking to passive aggressive and targeted. I'm not compleatly innocent either, I 100% have done things passive aggressively, but I make sure never to do them unprovoked, and always try to at least keep it in check. she has not only just started doing this either, she has not thought about what she says for the three years I've known her. it broke me down a bit, and she knows it. she just doesn't seem to care about what I have to say. she forces me to keep conversation going if I try talking or just interrupts me and brings the topic back to her. I somtimes say stuff like I wish I had more friends, but then she says 'your not gonna get any friends if you just sit around and never talk to anyone" and that's true, but then when I try to talk with new people she dominates the conversation, interupts me, and answers for me. she answers for me A LOT and it's actually so annoying. she is so hypocritical and will tell me not to do something, only to do the exact same thing herself. I just dont know what to do about her anymore. I guess I just want to know if I'm overreacting or not. there's a lot more, but that's way to long to write about.

thanks for getting this far

Just give me a reason not to overdose on the iron supplements in the cabinet at my house.

i know this isnt a bigdeal but please just i need someone to talk to about this

Today my mom took me and my younger sister to the dentist, my appointment was covered by my insurance/dental plan/ whatever you call it and unfortunately my little sisters wasn't. my mom treated us to food and stuff before which is kind of a tradition of ours, eat a good meal before getting your teeth cleaned, it's fun. But after we were done with our appointment my mom hadn't realized that the people at the dentist had added more things onto my sisters tooth cleaning appointment (like xrays and whatnot) and the cost came up to 500$, my mom was upset but tried to make the best of it by reminding my little sister that she cares alot about her tooth health because alot of my mothers family is unfortunately on the poorer end and their teeth are horrible because they cant afford to go to the dentist, and she was just saying that she was happy to see my little sister be cleaned. Then my little sister for no reason started getting mad at her, saying that she wasted her time because her teeth were perfectly fine anyways and getting all pissy over having to even go? which I thought was strange because she was the one who wanted to come, and was insiting on getting food and finding a place to go and my poor mother was trying still to make the best out of it but my younger sister continued to be rude to her for no reason, and this time she was laughing and i genuinley got upset but my mom just brushed it off... (sisters 16 btw). After this our mom wanted to spend some time at us at winners cause we had to pick up my twin sister, and she was talking about how excited she was to spend time with us cause its been forever and shes grateful like we agreed to spend time with her, and the minute we step out of the car my little sisters like "Im going to the toy section at walmart" and my mom was like "Oh are you sure?" then again, she was rude and completely dismissed my mother... i came to walmart with her to supervise her purchases and she went to the toy section and was trying to be some expensive monster high dolls, i told her not to spend to much money because we already spent ALOT today for her teeth and for food. she ignored me, and insisted on buying the toys. then texted my mom who said no. i tried to get her to buy a seven dollar calico critter blindbox thing, she was onboard till she saw the LPS toys and completely dismissed me. I continued to try and be nice to her because my little sister pointedly likes my twin much more then me, and out of desperation to form a better bond with her i didnt speak up anymore, but i kept inisting on buying something cheaper. Overall when we went to winners she was more relaxed cause she got what she wanted, me and my mom searched the racks, it was fun. then me and my mom went to buy food for my twin because she was coming out of her work, first day btw, it was like the entrance thing. My little sister kept telling us that we shouldnt because we would be wrong to buy her food without letting her choose, but i insited i knew what she would like to eat because she is my twin, and i chose right cause my twin was thankful that we brought her food when we came to get her.

But even my twin was being horrible to my mom, I get everyone was tired but it was genuinley so rude i was astonished. after finding out that my twin landed the job my mom expressed her concerns about her working around men, not that she was against them or anything, but my sisters job would require her to be in private spaces alone with unknown strangers for awhile. So my mom, in intent to enlighten my twin of the harm that could potentially come her way from not being careful started telling her story about how someone tried to spike her drink in her workspace (Well actually did)... and my twin and sister laugh? they laugh in her face? and i got mad, but i didnt want them to be upset with me so i said "guys she just told you a literal traumatic event that happened to her?" and my twin said "yeah yeah ive heard it before?" .... and my mom got upset and was like "life isnt lala land you need to understand that people have bad intentions and keep yourself safe" and they continued to make fun of her I cant even write what they said without it making me so mad. She asked for a life 360, and i convinced my twin to get on board with it.. JUST SO YOU KNOW, my mom is not a control freak at all, she just worries for us which is fair. we get home and im already upset, im helping my mom with the things we purchased in the car, helping her bring them upstairs and away, and then i come to my room exhausted from the long day and my twin and sister are there. And the first thing my twin does is demand me to grab my moms credit card to pay for the tarrif she got on a package. After all that disrespect in the car you just expect me to steal her card to spend it without her permission? I said to wait till i change into my pyjamas, i change my shirt and return to my room for some pyjama pants, and there she is again demanding me to grab the card. I say no, and she gets mad. She says and i quote "I have the page open for the payment already, just go grab it i only need to type in the numbers"?? this made me super upset i gave her some snarky comment and go to ask my mom for the card and she gets mad. WHICH IS FAIR. shes upset at my twin because my twin has spent money on her card for months without her knolwedge or permission, then my twin will yell at her when shes caught and ultimately play the victim despite the fact that she actively steals hundreds of dollars from my mom every month. I manage to calm my mom down, and make a deal that my sister wont spend anymore money on her card just let her pay for the tarrifs because it was me and my twins birthday gift... my mom leaves and my sister calls her crazy unreasonable and controlive. and i got mad. but i gently suggested that we should consider how she feels because shes spent so much money today and she probably dosent like knowing she has to pay a 40 dollar tarriff on a package that was ordered against her will. and my twin was now fuming despite the fact that her and my sister were in my room without my permission and were now using my tv. to appease them i let them use my tv, i made some playful comments about the show because my little sister was making a take and she had some flawed knowledge, i corrected her and got hit, like hard. I told her "that was to far, and seriously dont do that again." and she got so mad at me and told me to stop tryna act like a parent and that it wasnt a big deal. IT wouldve been funny if it was a playful hit but that was pure malice...

I love my mom so much, and my sisters being so blatantly rude and dismissive really hurts me. it also makes me upset because these guys are always preaching being kind and understanding why people do certain things, but apparently these ideas only apply to them. I know this isnt really a big deal but today I was just so frusterated, my sisters are typically much more rude to me but seeing them be so mean to my mother then have the audacity to sit there and think theyre justified in the matter makes me so mad.

sorry if the grammar is horrible i have a pounding headache and i just wanna dump this somewhere before i go to sleep

So... I can no longer cry.

I used to cry as much as a normal kid, but my parents (my mum specifically) started yelling at me for crying. When my brother and I would argue, she always took his side even if he was arguing that 2+2=8 then yell at me. When i started crying after ~15-30 mins of her straight screaming at me, she would tell me that "crying is going to get you nowhere so be quiet" and that "there is no reason for you to be crying because you're in the wrong. you are going to get in more trouble after this if you keep this up". and so on. those were some of the lighter ones but you get the picture. she would tell me that crying was useless and weak and that it would get me nowhere. i started coming up with little ways to slow it down like holding my breath and blurring my eyes without letting the tears fall, or even running to the bathroom, wiping my eyes and coming back out. BTW, i was 5. then by the time i had learned to control my tears completely (at around 8) i started getting angrier easily as a way of coping. ofc my parents got mad for that even more than crying so now i'm almost emotionless. when my mum yells at me she now gets upset because i don't react. i will remain completely calm as if i dont gaf, then my mum will give up and my dad will get mad at me for not reacting.

this all seems good except for the fact that now when i am deppressed, i can't let it out at all. it is worse than you'd expect. basically, i feel everything worse but don't show it. it just goes into an invisible jar with everything else i've stored over the years. i'm 12 now and i sriously don't know what to do right now. on top of a whole lot of other things i hae going on rn, this is getting too much, even for me. and i don't crack.

is this normal or what bcz all my friends can cry. does anyone have any solution or any ideas? im trying here.

luv you guys and thanks for reading this ik its alot.

I want friends so badly, it drives me insane. I have 3 friends but I only consider one to be an actual friend, because the others are assholes. I can’t hang out with my friend often because they live about 30 minutes from me and they go to school while I’m homeschooled. I have bad anxiety so I’m not good at talking to people at all unless I know them, It’s so bad that I can’t even talk to people online to try and make friends because I get too scared and worried. I want to make more friends that live close by so I can hang out more often and just have someone to go out with.

I want to go out more and get out of the house, but I don’t go out alone because of my own experiences with creepy men and pedophiles. It’s not that I want some just to have with me, but I want someone who I can connect deeply with bf not have to think about how and when to drive 30 mins to get there or whatever.

I want to make friends in my area, but everyone my age in my area are just assholes, which was one of the reasons I went into homeschool other than anxiety.

I have this deep feeling inside me like I just want to be held and loved, just to be with someone and feel safe and cared about with. I don’t know if I’m ready to get into another relationship yet since I just got out of a year long distance relationship about a month ago. I just crave touch and affection, but also that level of friendship where I’m comfortable enough to be myself.

I always get jealous seeing people out with friend groups and talking about their friend groups, I know how fun it is to be in friendgroups since I used to be in one a few years ago. I want that feeling again. I don’t know how to explain it but I just feel lonely.

Sure, I have my family, but they just make me feel more alone. My grandma always talks about how I barely have friends and need more, when I’m upset bc my friend did something my dad just tells me everyone is assholes and I need to learn that, my little sister makes fun of me for barely having friends. I just can’t handle it anymore. I’ve thought about suicide and running away, but it wouldn’t help.

For years I have just been wanting that feeling that I know I’m safe with someone for who I am and that I’m loved

My daughter Sophie, just starting her freshman year, has had a standing tradition with her dad where they travel to see their beloved baseball team's opening game each season. Though I've never been overly fond of these excursions, I've held back my objections since both dad and daughter cherish this ritual.

This year, however, I raised concerns as Sophie would miss three school days, which seems impractical to me. I suggested to her father that perhaps they could switch their trip to the spring break and even offered the compromise of attending two games instead of one. Unfortunately, he was quite set on maintaining the original plan, citing that they've already purchased tickets and changing plans now would be too complicated. Despite his insistence, I believe the possibility of selling those tickets and purchasing others for a later date isn't as farfetched as he makes it seem.

Sophie's dad is upset that I brought this up only now, but my argument is about prioritizing her education as she navigates high school. He’s adamant about keeping the tradition alive, but I can't help thinking about her academic responsibilities.

I keep wondering if this was all playing out on some reality show, how people would react to this family debate? Would they see me as the uncompromising mom putting down a long-standing father-daughter bonding event, or as a sensible parent prioritizing education?

Am I being unreasonable for not letting them go with the original plan?

I've just started at college and met a lot of new people and made a few friends.

I also feel like I don't fit in / like I'm the odd one out .

by that what I mean is I spend all lunch and brake in a separate room to everyone else as I find the noise really overwhelming and overstimulating and generally struggle in noiey inviroments.

will I ever find e anywhere I truly fit in. I also have Adhd and Anxiety. 💛😔🫶

I really wish I wasn’t sick. That people didn’t look at me as if I was a lost cause. That people didn’t have to worry about upsetting me, or think that I do things because I feel like I have to. I wish people didn’t walk on eggshells around me or feel the need to ask me a bunch of questions about my feelings. I wish people could realize that sometimes I do nice things because I want to, not out of obligation. I wish I didn’t hate silence around everyone but one person. But alas, I’m stuck with a brain that halfway works and the emotional range of a football field.

You know, I've always been a little awkward when it comes to talking to people, and now that I've started my first job at 22, you'd think I'd have figured it out by now. But no, socializing at work is still a mountain I struggle to climb, primarily because of my autism. It's like trying to decipher a language that I'm not entirely sure I understand, yet everyone else seems to speak it fluently. I see my coworkers engrossed in conversations about weekend plans, sharing memes, or even just working through the lunch break together, and I can't help but feel like an outsider looking in. I genuinely want to be part of this camaraderie, to share a laugh over a coffee run or engage in small talk like it's second nature. But man, sometimes it just feels like an insurmountable hurdle. Have you ever tried to speak up in a meeting, only to overthink every word and end up saying nothing at all? That's me most days. I remember reading somewhere that "conversation is an art that can be learned," and I'm holding onto that hope like it's my lifeline; it's about baby steps, right?

Yet, beyond my apprehensions, I've had moments that give me a glimmer of hope, little anecdotes that remind me that I can do this. Just the other day, I saw an opportunity while we were in the break room. They were talking about a Netflix series I've actually seen—one of those rare moments where my nerdy interests intersect with more mainstream ones. So, I dove in, cracking a joke about a twist from the show, and to my surprise, they actually laughed—genuine laughter, not just the polite kind. It was one of those small victories that can make a guy's entire week. I mean, who'd have thought that my encyclopedic knowledge of a Netflix plot would become my inroad into a conversation? Still, I'm trying to find more of those moments, where I can contribute something that doesn't feel forced or rehearsed. It's all about finding that sweet spot between contribution and comfort without feeling like a deer caught in the headlights of social interaction. Sometimes, I wonder if it's worth it to stress over fitting in when one of my favorite quotes by Maya Angelou is "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." Maybe that's a hint that I need to adapt my own viewpoint rather than stress over societal norms, you know?

Yeah, the title kind of gives my story away but i wouldn’t know how to explain this in any other way than that. I’m male, 16 and currently go to college (which is normal where I’m from, don’t worry)

I haven’t had these feeling before I started college, I never liked another guy in any other way than just friends but ever since I’ve been passing by this art school besides my own school, I can’t help but feel a little weird in my stomach. You know that feeling when you see someone you like? It’s just that.

Everytime I look at these guys, I feel weird. I really feel weird. I’ve never found another man physically attractive in real life to a point where I’d just want to kiss him or get with him. It’s different online though.

I know it’s kind of wrong but I get off from looking at how other guys.. you know. It makes me feel a little disgusting and it’s not normal for guys to look at guys doing it. Most friends I know always talk about how they look at women while I’m just stuck here, looking at fucking men. Does that make me gay?

Or do my feelings for the emo guys from the other school make me gay? I need help. A part of me just want to like girls because everyone else does. I just want to feel like this is all normal and that I’m just straight