Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I’m 20 years old.

I’m a guy, and up to this day I’ve never had sex. Not because I never wanted to, and not because I don’t have desires or feelings. I simply live in a country where people and the government are extremely sensitive about anything related to sex, to the point that a person has to hide their natural needs like they’re committing a crime.

To be honest, I’ve always been attracted to women older than me. Women who are more mature, experienced, and emotionally intelligent. But every time, there’s either fear of being judged, social restrictions, or the feeling that even having these desires is somehow forbidden.

Sometimes the loneliness becomes exhausting. Pretending everything is normal while inside you’re full of desire, curiosity, frustration, and emotional pressure.

I honestly don’t know what the solution is.

I don’t know how someone is supposed to deal with these feelings when there’s neither the possibility of a healthy relationship nor the freedom to even talk openly about it.

If anyone has advice, experiences, or any kind of solution, I’d genuinely appreciate hearing it.

I am tired about feeling like a failure.. I have done a mistake and I want to find amends to it.. But all I feel is I am tired I can't anymore..

My boyfriend feels hurt and I know I have hurt him but I don't know how to make amends. I know I am the worst person present.. I have let him down always.. I feel like I am the bad person in his life.. Somehow whatever happens I end up being the bad person.. I get angry I shout.. I don't know how to process anything.. I don't know how to go on.. I have made a decision to end my life right now.. I feel like I have no purpose and no motivation if things will be alright.. I have no hope left.. I can't change the situation nor myself and nothing is getting solved anymore.. So I have decided to die

Yes very random i have wanted a tablet since 2022!! My parents say they can get it for me but I don’t think that’s happening. Rn I can’t afford the regular $800+ iPads so is temu an option? So I just want to use the tablet for drawing!(and animating!) drawing on my laptop and phone hasn’t been very comfortable..

Im about to graduate highschool and so of course I constantly get asked "what are you doing to do next". And somehow i manage to talk about my future in a way that I even start to believe i have it figured out. But as soon as the conversation ends I realize that i really dont have my shit together. I thought I had it all planned out, ill get an apprenticeship, go to college for the course ill need to move up in my field, make better money, and all will be good. But as much as I talk about it i cant figure out where to start, I know what i should do but i dont know how to do it, i get stuck in a loop of thinking I know what im doing and then have it hit me that i have no clue where i am. Im not stupid, i can do well in school, infact ive been keeping my grades high 80s and 90s but my last year was rough and its going to make it hard for me to get into a good school with those stains on my transcript, I dont know how to start but i know i have too soon. If i can get this figured out eventually im going to make a book to tell people what to expect, because i can only wish i had a book to guide me through all of this now. I will figure it out, even though i feel like i cant right now. I just wish i was actually as organized as i make people believe i am.

I sit here at 5:30 in the morning—about 12 hours before I celebrate Friendsgiving with all of my friends. I made my mom’s famous deviled eggs. I hope they taste just as good as hers, but I won’t know this year. Only my taste buds and my heart will know, since we always measured with love and tasting as we went.

My mom passed a little over two months ago, and I can say that losing a parent never gets easier—at least in my experience, it seems to be that way. Oddly enough, my dad’s anniversary is on Thanksgiving this year, and he passed the day after almost five years ago.

I haven’t been able to sleep a wink. I’m tired, but with no signs of going down any time soon. I lie awake thinking of my mother’s last moments and hurting over all the ways she could’ve died. But life gave her the worst hand with cancer.

My poor mama. My strong mother who was still strong in her last days and moments—always holding on. I sit here missing her more than ever. Knowing she’s not with me this year, cooking with her and celebrating Thanksgiving—even after Dad’s passing—is the worst thing ever.

I’m grateful that tomorrow I get to spend it with all my close loved ones. But fuck, guys—this fucking sucks. There’s nothing I wouldn’t give for a loud Thanksgiving where everyone was in the house being loud, a movie always playing in the background, and giving the cats a little turkey.

I’m so grateful that even though my relationship with my parents wasn’t perfect, they loved, nourished, and did the best they could. I wish I could’ve told my dad that if I were given the chance. But I lost him too young to really understand life. Same with Mom—but you grow up more and more as you lose people.

I’ve been crying all night, just mourning, and I felt like I needed to type something out. I’m sad and hurt, and the world keeps on turning. But there’s one thing that keeps playing in the back of my mind.

I remember a crazy night at a festival. I was, of course, indulging in recreational substances, and I was trying to tell 20-something of my friends—my dearest boos—which some of them definitely remember from that evening. And in the best way possible, I’ll try to tell you what I said in a more coherent way (lol):

Remember where you are right now. Even if we come to this place once a year, and while it might not be enough for us, it’s all we have. And those moments are eternal, and they will always be there. I don’t ever want to go a moment without knowing you, and if this one moment is all I have, then we must make the most of it.

What I’m trying to say is that at the end of the day—whether you’ve lost your “tribe” or lost a member—remember those moments that no one can take away from you.

I used to think hard work and performance actually meant something, but now? I give up. Every day at my job, it’s less about who does the best work and more about who checks the right boxes. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I’m just showing up, doing my best, and watching people get ahead for reasons that have nothing to do with skill or effort. At first, I tried to ignore it. I thought, Okay, just focus on your own progress, keep your head down, and things will even out. But they don’t. Instead of real career development, all we get is more “woke” initiatives, endless diversity trainings, and company-wide emails patting themselves on the back for promoting people based on identity instead of talent. Don’t get me wrong—I believe in fairness, equal chances, all that. But that’s not what this is. It’s not about fairness; it’s about looking good on paper. I’ve watched coworkers bust their ass for years, only to get passed over for someone less experienced because “we need more representation in leadership.” It’s like performance doesn’t matter anymore—just optics. And it’s exhausting pretending it doesn’t get to me.

I’ve worked so hard to get where I am, but lately, I’m asking myself why? If the promotions, raises, and recognition are going to people based on factors completely outside of their work, then what’s the point? Every meeting feels like another round of performative nonsense. We can’t even talk about improving sales or efficiency without someone throwing in a forced social angle, as if productivity is suddenly a dirty word. And don’t even get me started on the “optional” events that aren’t really optional—if you don’t attend the latest DEI seminar or pride workshop, you’re suddenly not a “team player.” Meanwhile, the actual job we’re here to do keeps getting harder, expectations keep rising, and the only thing that isn’t improving is the people actually running things. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this new version of the workplace, but at this point, I don’t care anymore. I’ve seen what gets rewarded and what doesn’t, and it’s clear that playing fair isn’t the way to win. So yeah—I give up. Not because I can’t keep up, but because I’m tired of pretending this system makes any sense.

I've been struggling with a younger friend for a while. I know they are struggling and growing but there is only so much someone can put up with before its too much. They would consistently get very emotional and annoyed/angry when we had discussions about any topics that they found serious or made them uncomfortable. They would never be upfront about how they were feeling and would just get more and more defensive until they would blow up or they would just stop responding for hours to days.

They even acknowledged that they had issues communicating that they were feeling a certain way. I made it clear that all they had to do was say hey I need space or hey I don't want to talk about this but they would continue to dissappear first and then admit to being emotional.

I have my own struggles which is did not share with them often because they were going through their own stuff and I knew they were already having a hard time. I finally had enough of them acting like they have a moral high ground or some kind of understanding beyond what I did, even on subjects they admitted to not knowing anything about or not having seen what was going on.

So I asked them first if they were intentionally talking down to me and they were hurting my feelings and they just bulldozed over it and put words in my mouth about the subject we were talking about. Saying I was trying to control someone's actions when I was just saying that they should be held accountable.

It was uncalled for and even more self righteous and rude than the messages before, and it really seemed like they were not reading what I was saying at all and jumping to conclusions that I had said nothing about. Accusing me of being cruel and uncaring because I said I was feeling hurt and didn't appreciate how they were talking to me.

So I told them I was done. That it was for the best for both of us that this friendship was over because it was clearly hurting both of us if they really felt like I was being terrible and I didn't want to continue to be treated unkindly.

They responded by attacking my character and saying I was fake and they bet I was talking shit about them to my other friends and pages and pages of things that I had supposedly done and how I was obviously trying to hurt their feelings. That I thought they were a bad person and that's why I was acting this way.

I made the mistake of replying that I never said they were a bad person and that I do truly wish them well but this was no longer healthy and not that I didn't care.

They responded with even longer texts with the same repeated attacks about how I was cruel and I was obviously being cruel to them making this decision. That they wished I would talk shit because I'm a hypocrite for saying my feelings were being hurt when I was hurting their feelings by ending the friendship. It went on and on and they said they would never do this to me and that I always shut down when we had serious conversations and that they gave so much support to me when I didn't do anything to them.

And I'm just confused and hurt because I've not done any of these things, but they have. I may have been a little insensitive but I was never outright cruel. I always would be like this is a hard truth but I never just told them to get over things like they said I did. It's like they only read half my words and made up the rest.

But somehow, I feel like maybe it was unfair. Even if their responses only made it feel more and more like they were trying to make themselves the better person and put me down to justify themselves. I only tried to be compassionate. I had only said, I hope you have a good life but this isn't good for either of us.

And they just threw all this stuff in my face about how I'm the worst and I don't understand it.

Was it really so wrong to not want them to continue to talk to me disrespectfully and hurt my feelings? Why did they suddenly have such an issue with things they said they had gotten over or that they understood after I said I didn't want us to hurt each other anymore?

They blocked me after sending their giant wall of text. I had to have someone else read it for me because it hurt so much but I saw their words for myself and have them still.

Even if they were hurting, was it really okay for them to act like that? To say I'm a terrible person for it all?

It’s the weirdest thing, waking up from a dream that felt more vivid than real life. Like, for a few seconds, you don’t even know where you are. Your brain’s stuck in that space between dream and reality, and everything around you just feels… off. That happened to me last night, actually. I had this dream that I was back in my old house, the one we lived in when I was little. The walls were the same faded green, the stairs still creaked on the third step, and my childhood dog, Max—who passed away years ago—was there, wagging his tail like he never left. I could smell the popcorn my mom used to make on Sundays, feel the soft carpet under my feet. Everything was so clear. And when I woke up, I felt this ache in my chest. Like I'd just been yanked out of a better version of reality, one where things made sense, where the past still existed in full color.

And it’s not just the places. Sometimes, it’s the people. You see someone you haven’t thought about in years—an old friend, a grandparent who passed, or even someone you’ve never met—and they talk to you like you’ve known each other forever. They touch your hand, look into your eyes, laugh with you. And in that moment, it feels real. Not just visually, but emotionally. It’s like your brain recreates every tiny detail, every feeling, every piece of memory, and weaves it into this beautiful (or sometimes terrifying) story while you're asleep. I’ve had dreams that were better than reality, dreams that gave me closure, and dreams that left me shaken for the rest of the day. How does the mind do that? How does it trick us into feeling something so strong that it lingers hours—even days—after we wake up?

I’ve read somewhere that dreams are just the brain’s way of processing things, like emotions we haven’t dealt with or thoughts we’re trying to push away. That kinda makes sense. I’ve had dreams about people I haven’t talked to in ages, and the next day, I’m thinking about them non-stop. Or I’ll have a super emotional dream, and when I wake up, I’ll actually be mad or sad about what happened, even tho it didn’t actually happen. One time, I dreamt my best friend betrayed me and I couldn’t even look her in the eye the next day. Of course I got over it (lol), but still, for a while I had to remind myself, “Hey, that wasn’t real.” And that’s what’s so crazy about dreams—they can influence your mood, your thoughts, sometimes even your decisions. Like your mind’s still stuck in that made-up world and hasn’t caught up with reality yet.

I guess part of why dreams feel so real is cuz when we’re dreaming, we’re not questioning anything. Our brains just go with it. You could be flying, or talking to a giant talking cat, or seeing someone who passed away, and none of it seems weird in the moment. You’re just there, experiencing it like it’s normal. It’s only when you wake up that you’re like, “Wait, what?” But when you’re in it, it’s your world. Your brain fills in all the blanks—how things smell, how people sound, how you feel—and you believe it. It’s wild how powerful the mind can be. I still don’t fully understand it, and I probably never will. But I do know this—sometimes, those dreams, the ones that feel so painfully real, can remind us of what we miss, what we love, what we’re afraid of, and even who we want to be. And maybe that’s why they stick with us. Maybe that’s why they feel so real. Because somewhere, deep down, a part of us wants them to be.

I’m constantly judged in my family and I feel like I’m not allowed to share my opinions. I’ve always hated zoos and beaches and parties and I’m uncomfortable with them. I’m constantly there thought because my family wants to go and I’m not allowed to oppose them. My brother though makes everything worse. He’s very manipulative and toxic. He wanted to go to an open zoo today and said it in a way to make it seem like mom’s idea which pressured my dad. I told them I didn’t want to go to a zoo so my brother made it sound like I want to stay home on my phone all day which made my mom furious. I honestly wanted to go out too but just not to a zoo. My mom argued with me and brought up my depression as a joke while my brother kept making sarcastic comments about me to make her even more furious with me. I came to the conclusion that sharing my opinion in this house is just not an option but even if I stay quiet my brother tells my parents that I’m “acting depressed again”. I just want all of this to end.

I never thought I’d end up here, but here I am, dreading every single morning when my alarm goes off. I hate my job. There, I said it. I’ve tried to convince myself that it’s just a phase, that everyone feels like this sometimes, but it’s been almost a year, and nothing’s changed. If anything, it’s gotten worse.

The work itself isn’t even that bad. I mean, it’s not what I’m passionate about, but it’s tolerable. The real problem is the people. My boss is one of those micro-managers who has to be involved in every tiny detail. No matter what I do, it’s never good enough. I’ll spend hours on a project, only for them to nitpick and make me redo the whole thing for no real reason. It’s exhausting and makes me feel like all my effort is pointless.

Then there’s the office culture—or lack of it. Nobody talks to each other unless it’s about work. Lunch breaks feel like detention, with everyone silently eating at their desks or scrolling through their phones. I tried to make friends when I first started, but everyone already seemed to have their little cliques. After a while, I just gave up.

What really gets to me, though, is the constant pressure. It’s like they expect us to give 110% all the time, but they don’t give anything back. Overtime is practically mandatory, but don’t expect a “thank you” or even acknowledgment for staying late. And forget about a raise or promotion—that’s a pipe dream. It’s hard not to feel bitter when you’re working so hard and getting nothing in return.

I keep telling myself I should just quit, but it’s not that simple. I’ve got bills to pay, and the job market isn’t exactly booming right now. Plus, there’s this tiny voice in the back of my head that keeps asking, “What if the next job is just as bad—or worse?” It’s like I’m stuck in this cycle where I hate my job, but I’m too scared to leave.

Even at home, I can’t seem to escape it. I’m constantly checking emails or stressing about the next deadline. It’s like my job has taken over my entire life, and I don’t know how to take it back. My family keeps telling me to just hang in there, but they don’t understand how draining it is. By the end of the day, I’m too tired to even think about applying for other jobs, let alone pursuing something I actually enjoy.

Sometimes, I wonder if it’s me. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this kind of work. Or maybe I’m being ungrateful because at least I have a job. But then I think about how miserable I am, and I can’t help but feel like there has to be more to life than this. Doesn’t there?

If anyone else feels this way, I’d love to know how you’re coping—or if you’ve managed to get out, how did you do it? Right now, I just feel stuck, and honestly, it’s hard to see a way forward. All I know is, I can’t keep living like this. Something’s gotta give.

A dude I once had a “it’s complicated” thing with love bombed and leave. But I couldn’t leave cause I was too attached. I did end up leaving but it left me traumatized and always wanting him back. I don’t want him back anymore but the trauma is still there.

After a couple of months of dealing with unemployement I’ve found out a job. But it’s not truly what I’m looking for so my plan is to keep it until the end of the month and then look for something else. The only good thing is that I don’t hold any kind of debt.

I think that I wanna work like a freelance on my area under my own rules. But I’m not the kind of person to record a stupid TikTok or even create a site on ig or similar sites, lately I’ve been about my digital footprint too.

On the otherhand I really like to stick on a routine but when unemployement hits sometimes it’s hard to keep the track of it too. But I’m trying to do some kind of exercise, maybe run at least.

The funny thing is that from time to time I got some kind of migraine which is unbearable.

But life is full of hope and I believe in happier times again.

So, sometimes I feel quite sad and forgotten when people forget my birthday. Like, I'd cry in my brithday because someone I saw as a close friend completely forgot about it. I mean I know it's normal for people to not remember everyone else's special day, especially if they're busy with life and all. But it still makes me very sad since over the past few years I've made them drawings, custom gifts and animations by myself and they've never remembered my birthday even once for those years. I just wanted them to greet me.

He was my first love. I loved him. But he didn't love me back. I was always there for him, if he needed me. Always there. Always. Yet he abandoned me. It Ruined me. I can't love anyone, the way i loved him.

It started off with a small crush—an innocent one. We started talking; she started flirting with me, and I went along with it. She saw me as an object. We fucked, looked at each other in the eyes, laughed together, laughed at each other. We call every day. She watches me eat because I have an eating disorder. We fucked again—maybe it was lust and her emotions taking over her, but it was a genuine connection to me. She started controlling what I wear and who I talk to. She’s always mad and cold towards me. She started texting me less. Her replies were always dull and distant. She hurt me. She would tell me to do things that aren’t appropriate, but whenever I say no, she guilt-trips me. She’s always the one who makes decisions for me. She started pushing me away; I tried making her stay. I was truly the happiest when I was with her. She saw me as something temporary. I thought we could’ve been something more. After fucking me, she got distant.