Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Since this is a place specifically designed for venting, I feel a bit more comfortable speaking here. I am a 21 year old girl who's in college right now, trying to figure out life and such. I am away from home for college and I miss my city so much. I am going towards a career that does not pay that well. I am not even that interested in it...just that I know it's something I can do. I have a few friends in this city who are nice people but none of them vent so I can't burden them with my story. Besides, their lives are much more interesting than mine. One has a friend she speaks to on a daily basis, two others have boyfriends and a lot of other friends with whom they can always have a conversation. My friends in this city have many other friends to talk to but all I have are them. If I tell them this, I am pretty sure I would be treated much differently but it won't be better, it would just be with more caution. I don't like that, I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable around me. The friend who I used to vent to is now busy all the time and she makes a lot of decisions in her life that only messes things up as she's enjoying the risks. She tells me I can speak to her about everything and it used to be that way but now that she's busy, most of my long messages get lost in the void of things she's into. I tell her that we can speak about my issues later because she has worse things going on for her. But deep down, I really do wish she would one day just listen to me and tell me what I need to hear. She always knew what to say...but nowadays she's looking to speak to me about her problems and I can't deny that because I know she would give me a listen if she was available too. My ex who I'm friends with and not completely over, he's busy too and when I vent I just don't get much...sometimes when I break down, he does help me but I don't want my brain to hold on till I let it out. I am going through a lot and I don't want to keep it in like that. And I often lash out at him for not listening to me. I should stop doing that... because of the relationship I had with him, I keep thinking he should be listening to me. But no one is entitled to that, especially since he's also very busy (and often gets sick) and he shouldn't be coming back from work all tired just to hear me vent. I feel like everyone's got someone but I've got no one.

I want to try getting closer to my friends in the city but since they already have friends they talk to, they don't need me for it. So it's very one-sided and unfair. I don't want to be in this situation.

So I've recently joined a new workplace, and it's a hotel. NGL, I got the job because I know the General Manager and was offered an opening due to my circumstances. Even though I have no prior experience in the industry, I did have experience with customer service and I'm totally willing to learn along the way.

Granted, it's six-day work-week and lower payment for me, but I get meals, a uniform with laundry benefits and a travel allowance. The best part is that it's close to my place and pretty safe for me to work in.

Also, everyone's been really friendly towards me.

This issue is that, despite being offered the job TWICE, once I finally accepted (I was reluctant because I didn't want take advantage of knowing the Manager, it felt.... I dunno, weird to me. But my situation made me accept), I find out that they don't have a workstation available for me. Not even a laptop. They were ok to have ME bring my own laptop and convert it to be used only with their applications, but wouldn't get me my own. They wouldn't repair a desktop they had literally sitting outside the Manager's office. And I'd brought it up multiple times, including to the Manager but after some half-hearted checking, it went back to the default of "You need to adjust". Nevermind that that new guy who came after me got them working on a setup for him (I wondered for a moment if it's because I'm a female that I was ignored)!

Additionally, the ones who've been assigned to supervise me/ use my talents have no idea what to do with me.

One of my supervisors is a lady who's so used to working alone that she absolutely won't budge or co-operate with me to get work done.

A major part of her reporting is extracted from an Excel sheet she uses to keep track of her work. She assigned me the task of helping her using that same sheet. That's on her computer. That can't be used by 2 different users at once.

Ok.... SO, I made a copy of the same sheet in Google sheets and shared the access with her. Her response? "I can't use this. I'll just use my Excel sheet".

............... Brilliant.

Ok, attempt #2 - I copy her sheet into a shared folder and update THAT for her. All she needed to do was use Ctrl+ A + C in the copy sheet and then paste the data into her own Excel sheet in her computer. Easy right?

Not for her! She said it's "double work" for her and she doesn't have the time.

I've asked her MULTIPLE times to give me just 5 minutes with her sheet to update it (I used the Google sheet version, so I can access it on her system.

She keeps refusing, saying she has too much work to do. BUT THEN, she complains that the sheet isn't being updated.

It is. Just on my Google sheets.

She only leaves the system when she's at a meeting with the Manager or at lunch. I've tried accessing her system then, but multiple times have been interrupted by guests and by the time they move on, she's back and I'm evicted.

As for my other supervisor, he had me working in the restaurant in the mornings, (nothing bad, just some waiter stuff that I was ok with) and wanted me to acquire feedback and contacts from event guests (pretty tough as I hadn't gotten the uniform then). BUT THEN, he said he wanted ME - a lone female - to go on what's called "sales/marketing calls" here. Basically, I've got to drum up new clients by visiting businesses in-person, like a door-to-door salesman. But alone.

I wasn't comfortable with this and I've repeatedly told him that I had no experience with such things (being raised abroad in a different culture, I didn't even have the language down pat). I couldn't outright tell him I didn't want to do it or even know HOW to do it, because it would bring trouble to the Manager. As usual, my concern was ignored and I nwas just given an EXTREMELY basic, almost Cliffnotes style instructions on what to do. When I asked to accompany one of the employees who actually does it as part of their job, I was rejected with a lame excuse. I was even told by multiple people that sales calls weren't supposed to be part of my work.

But, hey, no-one who was actually in charge of my work cared. So I stopped caring.

One time when I asked for access the excel for my female supervisor ( I framed it I her as taking a 15 min break while I updated the sheet) her response was she can't give it because her work keeps her at the office upto 2 hrs past her shift end, but if I was willing to work extra time, she'll give my the system.

I just "Ok" and walked away.

She's been upset about my choice to leave on time as much as possible ever since she sprang an overtime request on me and I informed her that I had other plans and couldn't work late. Even though I ended up cancelling the plans because she asked, she was sour about it, asking why I was there after my shift end, and I had to point out that SHE asked ME to stay behind to help her..... And it wasn't even for anything that urgent. It was a task that could have been easily solved with a simple message forward. Even she knew everyone else had gone, but still wanted me to stay back.

So here I am. Trapped and trying very hard not to muddy the waters of my existence. While everyone's polite and friendly (upto a point) , I don't have any actual friends here or anyone who even understands me.

I'm just looking for advice o. How to survive working here without having a breakdown or pissing someone off till I get a better job.

This is one of my diary entries:

I feel sick. I hate my body, I hate how I can't stop myself from eating. I hate how I'm not athletic. I hate how my face looks weird. I hate my eyebags. I hate my tummy. I hate my tendency to laugh at everything. I hate my phobia of bugs. I hate my house. I hate how my bed dips everytime I sleep. I hate how it always feels like bugs are crawling on me. I hate my bad eyesight. I hate my yellow, crooked teeth. I hate the way I walk. I hate my style. I hate my tendency to complain. I hate my allergies. I hate how I feel that I am an outsider. I hate how I feel like everything and nothing at the same time.I hate how much I'm scared of people. I hate how awkward I am. I hate how I doubt God. I hate. I hate. I hate. And yet, I believe that there is things to love. Not in myself, but the people around. Maybe someday, I'll get a big hug from someone, and they'll tell me that they love me. It'll be warm, and fuzzy, and tooth rotting. I want that. I want what everyone has. I'm envious. I crave freedom. I crave friends who spam your phone. I crave friends who text you at midnight on your birthday. I want what my friends have. I know it's wrong, but it feels so right to resent people to make yourself feel better. It makes me feel a little bit better. Not really, but.. ugh.. i can't find anything to say. If you find this, I'm sorry. So, so sorry. I'm just a whiny, fat, ugly teenager. Sorry.

Being a mom is the most rewarding and terrifying thing I’ve ever done. My little girl is only two years old, but every single day, I find myself wondering: am I doing enough? How to be a good mother when it feels like there’s so much to figure out?

Some days, I feel like I’m nailing it. We play together, she laughs at my silly songs, and I can see how happy she is. But then there are moments when I feel like I’m completely failing. Like yesterday, when I lost my temper because she spilled juice on the carpet after I told her three times not to run around with her cup. She cried, and it broke my heart because all I could think about was, “What kind of mom yells at a two-year-old over juice?”

I read parenting blogs and watch videos on how to raise happy, confident kids, but it’s overwhelming. There’s so much advice out there, and half of it feels contradictory. Be strict, but not too strict. Let them explore, but set boundaries. Make healthy meals, but don’t stress if they eat nuggets and fries once in a while. I’m trying to do it all, but is that even possible?

I see other moms who seem to have it all together—perfectly dressed kids, Pinterest-worthy lunches, and spotless homes. Meanwhile, I’m just proud if I can get her to daycare on time with matching socks. Sometimes, I wonder if they’re struggling too and just hiding it better.

I love my daughter more than anything, and I want her to grow up feeling loved, supported, and safe. But how do I know if I’m doing it right? Is there some magic formula on how to be a good mother, or is it just about showing up every day and doing your best?

If anyone has advice or has felt this way too, I’d love to hear it. I’m trying so hard, but some days it feels like I’m just fumbling through.

There's a guy I have met in dating app with him I wanna have romantic feelings with him but he has friendly feelings n said he wants to friends and slowly develop into something but idk how long will it take. He said his past was not good because of hurry relationship n stuff.

When he was online in app I was really jealous but he told it was because he saw old friend n chatted in his hometown.

Then he compared his friend with me I was devastated.

I told him i will move on clearly but in reality idk what to do.

So yeah, you know everyone is "ugly" at 13? Well, I feel that way. I'm a girl, 13, and I feel ugly with a capital "UG". Wanna know why? Well, I have a very weird slim face with puffiness on the cheeks, I have some pimples on my hairline, near my nose and back, eczema scarring that doesn't go away unless I apply lots of moisturizers but you'll still know I'm itchy, hair with dryness in the scalp from eczema and I need medicinal shampoos, a nose which looks too round from the side at the bridge, lips that are just very awkward and not thick or thin, have whiteheads under my mouth, thin-haired eyebrows, eyes which are too big and brown which makes it look boring, a forehead that's two eyes big, black curly hair which needs oil, I'm very short at 5'4", and my weight so far is 44kg, and right now because my teeth are ugly and crowded, I wanted cute braces but instead I got the self-ligating ones which makes me look too nerdy, gross and very ugly. And I now have issues like eczema, acne, cat allergies, and I may get asthma since they all are in the atopic triad, so that makes me both unhealthy and very flawed. And my braces don't have any ligatures and my teeth are very crowded, so I look nerdy instead of cute like on Pinterest. And I'm built like a thin mom, yet I'm 44kg, maybe I need to lose weight. And 5'4" is short for a woman, since USA ladies are 5'7". I'm not even from USA, yet I look so ugly. And maybe, just maybe, I can do surgery to at least change my nose, and take veneers to fix my teeth.

so here's the deal: my kiddo just failed this year at school and we're trying to figure out how to get him motivated over the holidays. he's got ADHD, so focusing can be a real challenge for him. sometimes it feels like keeping his attention on one thing is like trying to hold water in your hands. i've been doing some research online, reading articles from places like Additude magazine, and they all seem to have similar advice but it's kinda confusing what actually works? you know, set goals that are achievable and provide structure (the kinda stuff that's easier said than done).

anyways, we're thinking of trying something new this summer... maybe something more hands-on or engaging, you know? i recently stumbled upon rock climbing as a possible activity. according to some parents in an ADHD support group i joined on facebook 🎯 it can really help with focus and discipline while still being a blast for kids who need to burn off energy. plus, he might just make some friends there who relate to his situation. would love any advice or stories you folks might have.

Trigger warning: Loss and suicidal thoughts.

Being a 29 year old male, I fucked up my life so far.

I had depression and aniexty from my adolescent years that's been with me to this day. My mental issues has stopped me from finishing my college education, dating and working for most of my adult life. At age 19 I dropped out of college and threw away my close friends to become a gaming recluse. My parents worried for my future but I just just wasted my days away, planning to end my life at age 25.

At 20 I started taking care of my grandma who watched me in my younger years. She was the only reason I stayed alive. I was paid by the state to care for her, so I spent the next 9 years of my life caring for her as I became a hermit. I was with her for 5 days of the week; taking her to appointments, bathing, cleaning, and just checking up with her often. She cared for me back by feeding me, hanging out watching movies, talked, and gave me a grandparents' love.

At age 25 I fought the urge to kill myself. I contemplated a long time if I should still carry out my plan. In the end, I decided not to because of my grandmother. Without me, she wouldn't have help to live her own life. Around this time I reconnected with my friends and life seemed better.

At age 26 I needed better Healthcare insurance, so I started working another job. I was prepared to fail, become a social outcast, and be judged for being a depressed mess. I was wrong. I was more capable than I though; I excelled at my tasks and spoke to both colleagues and clients reasonably well. Sure, I had awkward first interactions and conversations.. But it wasn't all the time.

At 27 I got into a car accident that gave me a concussion. I still suffer side effects from this injury to this day. I'm not as mentally fast, more forgetful, and can't intake information nor speech from others well. My life is still spiraling down from this; with some of the aforementioned effects worsening some days.

At 29 my grandma moved away to live with other family; my dad wanted his siblings to do their part as her kids and care for her too. She passed 3 months after moving away. 4 months after she passed I resigned from my job. My work stress, depression, and aniexty was at a all time high. I was unable to sleep, suffered from chest pains/eratic heartbeats from stress, couldn't socialize with others well, and was not getting any work done.

I regret this decision.

Sure, I feel mentally clear now, but having no income and not able to find a job is worsening my mental again. I tried trading futures recentl6 but I only lost money due to my impatience.

Nowadays, I don't want to wake up. I spend my days lazing around in bed as I apply for jobs, attempt trading but to only lose my meager savings, and try to think of reasons to live. My current reasons are for my family and friends.. I can't imagine what they'll go through if I ever commit.

I hope to find a job by January; that's when my funds will be dried up. Until then, I'll try to start back a routine and care for my physical health again. Maybe I'll try running again.

Thank you for reading.. Oh, and if this story was on TV, would you watch it? Do you think the main character will enjoy life again and find a job? I hope he does, I don't want this story to end soon.

There's this person I really like. They are on the aromantic spectrum, and they have said that they really like me before. However they are in a friends-with-benefits relationship with a lot of people. This is a big problem for me since I can't deal with knowing that they have other people. Another thing is I have only known them for about a month and I get attached really REALLY quickly. For the past few days, they haven't been answering me texts and (because it's online only) I have no other way to contact them... any suggestions? Specifically about the fwb part because it really hurts :c

so I was just like sleeping in band class right? I wake up, and my 'friend'(are we even still friends? I dunno) takes the stand in front of me. out of curiosity I look to the stand next to them and go 'what about this one?'. they explain to me that it was broken and we leave it at that. however they'd been sort of purposefully avoiding talking to me{?) and so I ask 'hey are you mad at me?' pretty obviously I was scared, due to being brought up in an environment where everyone was mad at me all the time for no reason and caused me to have heavy people pleasing tendencies. then they started going off on me about how I always think people are mad at me and blah blah blah. thing is, they KNOW about my home life. but like they're being nice to all the other friends they abandoned me for. so I dunno.

When I come to the U.S., I was only 8 years old. My mom and dad bring me and my little sister from Mexico, saying we gonna have better life, better future. I believe them, I really do. But now, I am 26, and sometimes, I still don’t feel like I belong here. I do everything like American people—I go school here, I work here, I even speak English good (okay, not perfect, but good enough, I think). But still, when people look at me, I know they see different. They ask me, "Where you from?" and when I say, "Oh, I grew up here," they just look at me like they don’t believe me. Like I have to explain more. Sometimes I say, "I’m from Mexico," just to make it easy, but then they ask, "Oh, so you not American?" And I don’t know what to say. What I am? I am both. But also, maybe neither.

Life as first generation immigrant is... weird. I grow up in house where everything is Mexican—food, music, telenovelas, my parents speaking Spanish all the time. But outside, everything is American. I go to school, and kids make fun of my lunch because it smell “weird.” Teachers say my name wrong, so I stop correcting them. I try so hard to fit in, but at home, my mom tell me, "No te olvides de dónde vienes." Don’t forget where you come from. And I try, but sometimes I feel like I am too Mexican for Americans, but too American for Mexicans. I go back to visit family in Mexico, and my cousins laugh at my Spanish. "Hablas como gringo," they say. They right, I guess. But then here, people tell me, "Wow, your English is so good!" like they surprise. So, what am I? Where do I belong? I don’t know. And maybe, I never will.

My partner, Dan, has two wonderful little ones, Lily who's 4, and Max who recently turned 2, from a previous relationship. They're always with us since their mother left when Max was merely 4 weeks old, showing little to no interest in keeping in touch.

Recently, being 16 weeks into my own pregnancy, Dan and I decided a brief getaway before our new baby's arrival was essential. My mother agreed to look after Lily, Max, and our dog at our place while we took our weekend escape. Although she's been a reliable sitter for quick date nights or other short bursts when we needed help, this time around things didn’t go as smoothly.

Max is currently in a particularly fussy phase of toddlerhood where his breakfast must consist of semi-frozen berry Eggo waffles — no exceptions. He won't even touch them if they've been heated. Normally, I pull out a waffle from the freezer early in the morning to let it thaw just enough to remain slightly chilled, as he prefers. It’s not the breakfast of champions, but it saves us from a morning meltdown.

Prior to our departure, I detailed our kids’ routines in a note for my mom, highlighting their meal and sleep schedules to ensure consistency. However, on the first morning away, she rang up frustrated that Max was rejecting the scrambled eggs she prepared, not adhering to his current peculiar eating habit. I reiterated that Max would only eat the waffles as they were, but she dismissed it, claiming it wasn’t a healthy enough breakfast and that he needed to adapt to more suitable eating habits.

For the remainder of our trip, she ceased updating me about breakfast, but during a phone call, Lily nonchalantly mentioned that grandma was pretending the waffles were gone—even though Lily herself spotted them earlier. Prying further, I discovered Max was sometimes given just grapes, or skipped breakfast altogether. I immediately had Lily hand the phone over to my mom, instructing her firmly to stop withholding the waffles or risk losing her babysitting privileges. Reluctantly, she complied, but not without asserting that we were spoiling the children and overly indulging their whims.

Moreover, my mom and Lily clashed over her choice of attire; Lily loves picking her own outfits, leading to some quirky combinations like a mismatched pajama ensemble and tiara to daycare. My mom disapproved, wanting her dressed more traditionally for outings.

Back from our trip, amidst ongoing critical comments about our parenting choices from my mother, from waffles to wardrobe, and threats of limiting her time with the kids, I’m left questioning if my stance on the frozen waffles is turning us into overly permissive parents or if it’s just asserting a necessary boundary.

On a side note, I can only imagine the drama and scrutiny if our family dynamics were under the microscope of a reality TV show. Would the public side with my mom’s traditional views, or would they empathize with the challenges of managing toddlers with strong preferences?

Last week, I underwent significant surgery. Currently, I'm convalescing at home, instructed by doctors to take a two-week break from work, with a suggestion to slowly resume normal activities over the course of four to six weeks.

Unexpectedly, yesterday evening, my partner revealed that his son is hosting a sleepover with five friends tonight. It's already Saturday here. I was completely blindsided by this information; he had agreed to the sleepover without discussing it with me first, and it wasn't even for any particular occasion.

When I confronted him, feeling quite disturbed, I questioned why he would arrange such an event without my prior consent, especially at a time when I'm recuperating from major surgery. He dismissed it by saying he didn't believe it would impact me and admitted he had simply forgotten to mention it.

Overwhelmed by emotions, I broke down, expressing how neglected and uncared for I felt, given my current state of health. He persisted in underestimating the situation, suggesting that if it truly bothered me, I could spend the night at my mother’s place. Unable to bear the thought of a noisy household, and despite medical advice against driving, I packed my bags and drove to my mother’s house.

He has since sent me texts accusing me of overreacting, still failing to grasp the gravity of the situation. How can he not see the disturbance caused by having five teenagers over in a house with only one bathroom, and their gathering space right next to our bedroom where I need peace for recovery?

Now, in the silence of my mother's home, I ponder, was it wrong for me to leave immediately? Shouldn’t he, instead, have postponed the sleepover to a more appropriate time?

Imagine this scenario playing out in a reality show setting—cameras capturing every emotional outpouring and the tension palpable in the air as disagreements unfold. Would the audience be split in their opinions, or would they rally behind me, empathizing with my need for quiet and rest during such a critical recovery period?

Why can't I just feel normal? I'm 16 yet I already feel like there's so many expectations now. There are so many talented people in so many different fields at my age. I've been feeling okay but recently I've felt like there's so many expectations that I've set up for myself. I used to have a complicated relationship with age, I was raised by the internet all my life and I adored the feeling of being the youngest, like being dubbed as "mature" within an environment that was purely teenagers or adults. But age practically proposes nothing, and I'm glad I got out of that mindset. It didn't help that I maladaptive daydreamed for most of my life though, and hid behind a dumb persona. I feel satisfied with being a teenager, but now my past is causing me to feel... off. The internet is probably one of the only places I have right now that I can express my authentic self in one way or another. I'm trying to do my best, and sometimes I don't even notice that what I produce (art, conversation, etc) is even worth it without someone assuring me about it. All of these factors are making me feel ridiculous and pressured...

Sorry in advance for my bad English

People often told me that they wished they had my parents because im allowed to do so much stuff but in reality, im not that happy with my family at all. If I were to make a top ten of things that make me happy, my family would be at the bottom.

Sure, they buy me stuff, are kind of supportive in my choices but I don’t feel safe or comfortable enough to be myself. I hide clothes I know they’ll judge me on, don’t show them the stuff I make or things I’m passionate about because i know they’ll laugh at me or judge me for it.

For example, I recently went to a concert and had a very beautiful outfit. I was too scared to show them so I didn’t until he got home from the concert and their reaction was just like expected. They told me it was lame, that I looked ridiculous while all I wore was a dress with some tights and a headband. I didn’t get it. I missed the fun I had at the concert and my friends and it instantly ruined my mood. I cried after that.

At school, I can be myself. I show my friends all I’m passionate about and I don’t feel pressured to hide things. My teachers are very nice, I tell them a lot too but when I get home, I want to go away again. I didn’t wish I lived another life, I just wished I had another family.

And please don’t tell me that they’re just trying.. that parents get tired too or get angry sometimes too because it’s not sometimes it’s everyday and it makes me tired and sad. I don’t remember a day where I felt genuinely happy to be home.