Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

My husband and I have 3 kids: two boys, 9 and 8, and a girl, 3. The boys have been driving us crazy with their constant fighting. We’ve had countless talks with them about respecting each other, but it hasn’t worked. Sibling rivalry is normal, but this is disruptive to us all, every day.

I told my husband last week that maybe the vacation wasn’t a good idea. He shut me down immediately and we went ahead as planned.

First off, the 3.5-hour car ride was (predictably) hell. The boys fought and riled each other up the whole time. Husband and I kept reassuring each other that things would be better once we got there and they’d be too excited to cause trouble.

We were wrong. At the rental house, they immediately did everything they weren’t supposed to.

Shoes on the white furniture? Check. Running in the house? Check. I turned my back for 2 seconds and the 8-year-old threw a box of chalk in the pool to keep his brother from getting it. At lunch, they were out of control. The 9-year-old ran away because he didn’t get his way.

We finally got to the beach, and they were being brats. Refusing sunscreen, fighting over toys, going farther out in the water than we allowed, and cursing.

By the time we got back to the house for dinner, I was fed up. They were ruining it for everyone. I told my husband we needed to go home; they needed to see a real consequence.

My husband insisted it would get better. I put my foot down and said either I was leaving, or we all were. He got super pissed and said it was unfair to our daughter. I agreed but saw no other choice. The kids burst into tears, begging to stay and promising to behave.

My mother, who came with us, was near tears too. She thinks her grandkids do no wrong and begged me to “just let it go,” but I refused. So, we left less than 24 hours into a 4-day vacation.

Half the ride home was spent with them sobbing, and my husband gave me the silent treatment. My mother decided to stay behind and started texting me, saying I had “ruined it for everybody” and “they’re only little once.”

Now, no one likes me except my 3-year-old. Are they right? Am I wrong?

Imagine if we were on a reality show! How do you think the viewers would react to me putting my foot down and cutting the vacation short? Would they see me as the villain or the hero of this story?

I never thought I’d end up here, but here I am, dreading every single morning when my alarm goes off. I hate my job. There, I said it. I’ve tried to convince myself that it’s just a phase, that everyone feels like this sometimes, but it’s been almost a year, and nothing’s changed. If anything, it’s gotten worse.

The work itself isn’t even that bad. I mean, it’s not what I’m passionate about, but it’s tolerable. The real problem is the people. My boss is one of those micro-managers who has to be involved in every tiny detail. No matter what I do, it’s never good enough. I’ll spend hours on a project, only for them to nitpick and make me redo the whole thing for no real reason. It’s exhausting and makes me feel like all my effort is pointless.

Then there’s the office culture—or lack of it. Nobody talks to each other unless it’s about work. Lunch breaks feel like detention, with everyone silently eating at their desks or scrolling through their phones. I tried to make friends when I first started, but everyone already seemed to have their little cliques. After a while, I just gave up.

What really gets to me, though, is the constant pressure. It’s like they expect us to give 110% all the time, but they don’t give anything back. Overtime is practically mandatory, but don’t expect a “thank you” or even acknowledgment for staying late. And forget about a raise or promotion—that’s a pipe dream. It’s hard not to feel bitter when you’re working so hard and getting nothing in return.

I keep telling myself I should just quit, but it’s not that simple. I’ve got bills to pay, and the job market isn’t exactly booming right now. Plus, there’s this tiny voice in the back of my head that keeps asking, “What if the next job is just as bad—or worse?” It’s like I’m stuck in this cycle where I hate my job, but I’m too scared to leave.

Even at home, I can’t seem to escape it. I’m constantly checking emails or stressing about the next deadline. It’s like my job has taken over my entire life, and I don’t know how to take it back. My family keeps telling me to just hang in there, but they don’t understand how draining it is. By the end of the day, I’m too tired to even think about applying for other jobs, let alone pursuing something I actually enjoy.

Sometimes, I wonder if it’s me. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this kind of work. Or maybe I’m being ungrateful because at least I have a job. But then I think about how miserable I am, and I can’t help but feel like there has to be more to life than this. Doesn’t there?

If anyone else feels this way, I’d love to know how you’re coping—or if you’ve managed to get out, how did you do it? Right now, I just feel stuck, and honestly, it’s hard to see a way forward. All I know is, I can’t keep living like this. Something’s gotta give.

Greetings everyone,

All my life, at 30 years of age, the thought of driving filled me with intense anxiety. Conveniently, living in an urban center meant I could generally walk to my destinations, so I managed to avoid addressing my fear. However, my husband, Stan, aged 32, and I have been together for six years, married for three. During our time together, Stan attempted to play the role of my driving instructor. Unfortunately, his teaching methods were lacking, characterized by impatience and frequent outbursts which only exacerbated my fears. We used an old warehouse parking lot for practice sessions, where any minor mistake I made - such as not checking my mirrors long enough - would trigger a storm of yelling from Stan.

Amid all this stress, I confided in my brother, Paul, who is 33, about my desire to overcome my driving phobia. Paul and his husband, Chris, generously offered to help. Their encouragement and patience were a stark contrast to Stan's harsh approach. Surprisingly, I discovered that I wasn't a bad driver; I was just severely anxious.

The urgency to learn to drive was further fueled by Stan's condition that he would not consider starting a family with me until I had acquired my driver’s license. Driven by this motivation, Paul and Chris accompanied me to the DMV two weeks ago, where I passed my test and subsequently obtained my license. I even purchased a car recently with savings I had set aside for years, feeling a surge of independence with the encouragement from Paul and Chris.

Expecting Stan to be upset about my secretive approach, I was prepared for conflict. Although he expressed disappointment that I did not seek his help, the truth was his involvement only worsened my anxiety. Despite our differences, our love remained strong, and I hoped to move past this.

This Sunday, Stan planned a surprise at his parents' home—an intimate celebration in honor of my new driving skills. During the event, my mother-in-law praised Stan for his supposed dedication and support through my learning process. The misinformation overwhelmed me, and in the heat of the moment, I clarified that the true heroes behind my success were Paul and Chris, not Stan. This disclosure led to a rift; Stan has since been distant, and while some family members understand my position, others align with Stan, creating tension.

Had this scenario unfolded on a reality show, one might wonder how different the reactions could have been. Would the audience perceive my outburst as justified or see it as an overreaction? Perhaps the dramatic settings of a reality show would amplify the tension and lead to more extreme reactions from both Stan and the audience, turning our personal struggle into a spectacle for entertainment.

Amid this family drama, I find myself questioning, was I too harsh, or was I simply standing up for the truth?

I'd appreciate some thoughts on this: do you think I was too harsh at the party???

does anyone else get that thing when someone hurts you, or does something bad and you get really angry. and you want to hate them, but you know the things they struggle with, and their life story and how much of a good person they are so you cant just hate them?? like why cant you just be a horrendous person so I can hate you for what you did?? instead of feeling guilty for being angry at you. its not fair.

My partner and I have recently embarked on the adventure of finding our first home together. We meticulously crafted lists highlighting our essential needs, our wants, and absolute deal-breakers for our ideal dwelling. Our needs and wants largely overlapped—requiring multiple bedrooms for future children, a secured yard for our furry friend, and a home ready to move in without the need for significant repairs. There was, however, one critical deal-breaker for me: no homeowners' association (HOA).

Growing up, my parents owned a house under an HOA, and the frustrations and limitations they faced left a lasting impression on me. I've made it very clear that regardless of how perfect a house might appear, if it's governed by an HOA, I'm not interested.

Our house-hunting journey has been anything but smooth. We've found ourselves being outbid and priced out of preferred neighborhoods, and many of the homes within our budget have fallen short of our expectations. We've seen countless properties, faced several rejections, and even experience tense moments in our relationship because of the stress.

Recently, our realtor excitedly informed us about a new listing she believed matched our vision perfectly. My wife was immediately enamored with the photos and was eager to view it. However, upon checking the details, I noticed it was part of an HOA. I voiced my reluctance to even visit the property, given my strong stance on the matter.

Ignoring my reservations, my wife arranged a viewing with the realtor without my knowledge. She returned brimming with excitement and ready to make an offer, convinced it was "the one." She spent an entire evening trying to persuade me, arguing that it wouldn’t hurt just to make an offer. I was hurt and felt betrayed that she'd disregard my principal deal-breaker and proceed without me, but she persisted, trying to minimize the potential headaches an HOA could bring.

She's never dealt with the peculiarities of an HOA herself, and doesn’t fully grasp the potential headaches and restrictions they can impose. I reminded her that we had agreed any home purchase must be unanimously approved—that if one of us vetoes a property for any reason, we wouldn’t pursue it. Despite this, she continues to push for this house, now visibly upset and insisting we will never find another that ticks so many boxes. She feels I should compromise on the HOA issue and go ahead with the offer. Her frustration seems to be clouding her judgment, and she’s taking it out on me because of it.

Suppose we were participants on a reality show, the dynamic of our disagreement could potentially play differently. Reality TV thrives on drama and conflict, so our situation could be exaggerated to attract viewers. The producers might highlight our dispute in promotional clips or episodes, possibly even portraying one of us as the antagonist to stir public opinion. The edit could focus on emotional reactions, possibly impacting how viewers perceive our decision-making and personal dynamic.

What should I do about the HOA conflict with my partner?

Sigh I will just wallow in my feelings. I dunno what to think about it.. I wanna scream and shout and I dunno. Fck.

My relationship with my elder sister, Clara, has always been somewhat turbulent. We are distinctly different people; she has a passion for all things fashion and beauty, while I prefer a more casual lifestyle, focusing on academia and my career. Although our interests diverge, I believed we maintained a basic level of respect and civility, until a recent incident made me question this.

Clara’s upcoming wedding has been the center of her universe lately. In an attempt to cut costs elsewhere, she asked if I could contribute financially towards her wedding gown as a “sisterly gesture.” Having just secured a well-paying job, I agreed to help despite finding her request somewhat unusual.

A few weeks ago, during a family get-together, I wore a dress that made me feel particularly confident, despite not being a size 2. To my disbelief, Clara commented loudly enough for everyone to hear that I was “brave” for wearing something so “tight.” I was mortified but chose not to cause a scene by responding.

Later the same evening, she remarked privately that she could never wear something like my dress unless she slimmed down, suggesting the dress was unflattering for someone of my size. This hurt me deeply, and I expressed how offensive her comments were. She dismissed my feelings, claiming she was "just being honest."

These events have led me to reconsider my financial pledge for her wedding dress. When I communicated my decision to her, Clara reacted angrily, accusing me of being selfish and petty. She even claimed that I was sabotaging her special day over a mere joke. Frustrated, I stood my ground, which prompted our parents to intervene, suggesting I should overlook her remarks and contribute as planned, emphasizing that "that’s what sisters do."

However, I felt that Clara's comments crossed a line. This situation makes me wonder if I’m in the wrong for reconsidering my support.

If this saga were to unfold on a reality show, audiences might be captivated by the dramatic fallout, speculating on whether my sister’s comments were genuinely tactless or strategically designed to make a splash on national television. Viewers could be split, with some applauding my stance to withhold financial support as a form of standing up for oneself, while others might view me as overly sensitive, siding with my sister and viewing her comments as benign sibling banter.

Just curious: If you were on a reality show how would you react?

I'm a 20-year-old woman and im living with my parents while at collage since I can't afford a place to live also i live not that far from it. I love my stepfather a lot, he's been there in my life more that my biological father, which I am forever grateful. But sometimes his anger when i do some wrong, thinking i said something and i said something else or forget things, is too much. When I was younger, living with him, I was crying all the time because of how he screamed at me. Like i think i developed so many insecurity and anxiety of it. Now that I am older and talked to him about it, he always says “That is how i always talk, you should be used to it by now" And i am used to it im so numbed by it i just cry and block out whatever he says really even though i get that hes genuine criticizing me. I think he's frustrated of staying at home and not working and our economic troubles, that's why I try to help with paying stuff.

Sorry for the writing im just exhausted also I've made a routine of doing chores at the house so he doesn't call me out on it again. Then he comes and says, "why you always act like a robot”

Also, English is not my first language so there's might be some inconsistencies there's more i want to say but i have to do some assignments bye <3

Hello everyone, I'm currently facing a bit of a dilemma regarding my wife and upcoming house guests.

My wife, who is 31, and I, aged 36, have been happily married for 2 years. She has always been deeply committed to her wellness and mindfulness regimen. Her routine is iron-clad: waking up at 5am for yoga in our guest room, followed by a brisk run, and then making a noisy but healthy smoothie with her powerful blender. She also uses this time for meditation and journaling. It’s her sacred time, and she’s been upfront about its importance since before we married. I’ve occasionally hinted at using that room for my PC to clear up space elsewhere in the house, but she was clear about keeping that space for her routine since it was established long before I moved in.

Now, my sister, her partner, and their little 6-year-old are planning to visit us soon. To help them save on expenses, we agreed to let them stay with us. My wife suggested they could sleep in our living room that has an array of comfy sofas. However, I proposed setting up air mattresses in the spare room used by my wife and asked if she could perhaps hold off on her early morning blender use to avoid waking our guests too early.

However, my wife strongly disagrees with changing her routine or giving up her space for the duration of their visit. She argues that the room isn't guest-friendly due to its lack of carpets, large windows, and walls covered in mirrors. She believes I’m using this request as a pretext to interfere with a routine I dislike, which isn’t true as I’ve always respected her space and rituals. Now, we’re at a standstill with her even suggesting that my sister should rather book a hotel. This feels excessive to me, especially since it’s just for three days. Am I unreasonable here? I feel that a short break from her routine for family could be manageable.

Imagine if our situation was featured on a reality TV show. The cameras would capture every disagreement and every compromise attempt, possibly blowing the situation

out of proportion. Viewers would likely be divided. Some might argue that personal space and routines are sacred and shouldn't be compromised, while others might see my request as reasonable family accommodation. The tension and drama would certainly make for compelling television, but I wonder if the public scrutiny would help us reach a consensus or just fuel more discord.

What should I do in this situation? Any advice?

My husband and I have a bustling household with four kids: one from my previous relationship, two from his, and one we share together. We've always aimed to be fair in our treatment towards all our kids, though it can be a challenge with our extended families. For instance, his parents occasionally take his kids on trips, while my child prefers not to go along if I'm not involved. We've never seen this as a significant problem since we ensure any family trips include everyone.

However, a recurring issue is with my stepdaughter, Emily, who quite often opposes anything the other kids or we enjoy. Take our winter trip to Colorado, which she initially was eager about until she realized the other kids were having fun too, then suddenly she wanted to cut the vacation short. This pattern repeats everywhere – zoos, museums, you name it, and if people are already happy about it, Emily quickly soured on the idea.

We thought it might be beneficial to offer her some one-on-one time with each parent. Despite trying that alongside joint activities to show parental harmony, the situation didn't improve. Even female-oriented days with her mom and me haven't gone down well, making it clear that over enthusiasm on our part somehow triggers her discontent.

Her peculiar behavior extends even to meals. If someone expresses liking for a dish, Emily is quick to criticize. She shows a peculiar preference for activities or things that others show no interest in, and this attitude prevails even when she's with her aunt and cousins. We have tried discussing her behavior with her sister, but the only insight we get is a helpless shrug and a blunt descriptor that’s best left unmentioned.

With persistent issues, we let Emily pick day trips, even suggesting she could bring a friend along, but even then, if anyone shows enthusiasm for her choice, she becomes discontent, griping that her ideas shouldn't be enjoyed by others.

This year's major planning involved a trip to Disney, a dream for my nephew who, due to his battle with cancer, has had limited social interactions and family experiences. However, as excitement built among everyone else, Emily immediately dismissed the idea as stupid, dampening the enthusiasm. Her dad, wrapped up in his seasonal workload, backed out, seeing the business necessity. So, I proceeded with the bookings for myself, my sister, my nephew, and our three kids, deciding not to include Emily, as she expressed clear disinterest.

My husband thinks excluding her might be too harsh, but with my nephew's special circumstances, I feared her constant complaints could spoil this potentially once-in-a-lifetime experience for him. So now, I'm left wondering, have I been unjust?

Imagine if this were on a reality show, the public scrutiny could intensify dramatically. Viewers might sympathize with the challenges of blending a family, while others could argue that my approach may encourage feelings of exclusion or resentment in Emily. The court of public opinion in such scenarios can be fiercely divided, with every action and decision magnified under the relentless spotlight of social media and television viewership.

I did post a story on this before, but it’s not showing up (gulp), so i’m doing it again. I’m not sure if this is the place where i’m supposed to post about this stuff but i have this issue. I like this tv show. A LOT. It’s been months (probably an understatement), where i can only really think about it. My mind turns everything into a reference, i’m always quoting it and i’m just constantly thinking about it. I’ve even caught myself embarrassing myself in class because the teacher called on me to answer a question which i didn’t know the answer to because i was thinking about that show.

Is this a normal thing or am i going crazy? My friends joke and say it’s like a hyper fixation, but i thought only neurodivergent people get those and im not diagnosed with anything. (At least i think it’s just neurodivergent people, im not sure. I haven’t really done much research so sorry if i sound stupid). I just need to know if other people have been through this and i’m not a weirdo for constantly thinking about it.

TW: talk of suicide and sh

I have felt suicidal since I was 7 years old, im now nearly 15 and am just done, ppl keep telling me to kms and its getting to my head .

I'm way past the age where I can be an angsty, rebellious teen but my fucking god dude.

I've been dealing with their abuse for half my life - they neglected me as a child and basically threw whatever toy or game I wanted whenever I bothered them too much.

To most kids that sounds fun, but try not being able to even tell your parents you love them without them looking disgusted or dismissing you.

It got worse when I got older as well, as soon as I turned 18 they begun to take my fasfa money for college from my bank account and use it towards whatever they wanted. Bills? Clothes? Yep that's what it was going towards!

Eventually they even got mad at me once when I told them I'm gonna keep the money and they started demanding it as if it was their birthright to extort their only son.

It doesn't help that they basically ruined my childhood - I learned what sex was at like age 8...because of them. And I also got a knife pointed at me once by my own mother because I was being bratty.

It didn't help that they also verbally abused me, calling me stuff such as faggot, queer, loser, cunt, fuckface, etc.

This affected my childhood and teenhood by the way, I ended up being way more quiet because I was scared that if i did something wrong or said something wrong I'd get yelled at or beaten.

It got to the point where I'd actually go entire days without speaking because I was so scared of being punished.

And now that I'm no longer a minor, I can't do anything about them.

There were several times I regret not calling CPS when I was younger when they started beating me or yelling at me, or even doing cruel things such as locking me in my room, denying me access to the bathroom whenever I got a negative grade, etc.

I've been called a disappointment and mistake more times in my life then I can count - literally only cause I never met my parent's expectations or simply because I didn't see the same ideals they had.

I'm sick of it, I moved back in with them temporarily while I'm trying to save up to move out with my boyfriend. It's been a struggle to find a job since my parents refuse to network with me, refuse to help me in the slightest, and even gave me a deadline recently that I had 2 weeks to find a job or I need to sign up "for the service."

Like are you joking? In this economy? I've been applying for jobs for 3 months straight now what fucking makes you think I can just magically wave a wand and get a fucking job?

And I'll be real with you, since this anonymous. If I ever get forced to join the service I will deadass just hang myself or something.

It doesn't help that naturally, because of my upbringing, I've hid everything from them. Every relationship I've gone through, every breakup, every bit of character development I've had in the last few years they know nothing about.

So their vision of me is literally just a hermit that sits in a room all day playing games when that couldn't be fucking farther then the truth.

Anyways thanks for listening to me rant :3

Needed to get that off my chest considering I have nowhere else to really vent too...and boy does it feel good to finally air that shit out somewhere lmfao

This summer, following a complex surgery that necessitated a lengthy hospital stay and extensive recovery period out of town, I found myself needing substantial assistance. To make the convalescence more appealing for those who were coming to aid me, I rented a spacious seaside house equipped with a swimming pool. It was my hope that this scenic environment would provide a comfortable retreat for my friends and family who volunteered to support me through my recovery. A roster was arranged where my helpers could simultaneously enjoy a sort of vacation while attending to my needs.

My late husband's sister, Janet, was the first to arrive, taking advantage of the luxurious accommodations. She came over while I was still hospitalized, but left abruptly on the day I returned home, without even visiting me once during my hospitalization, citing the nuisance of traffic as her reason. Essentially, she did nothing for me, spending her time enjoying the amenities of the home instead. Before my surgery, I had informed her I was leaving $1,500 in the house to cover the cost of necessary household items, cleaning supplies, and anything our dog might need upon my return. I was both hurt and astonished when I found out she had exhausted all the money in just under a week.

With my health as my priority and conserving energy integral to my recovery, I turned off my phone, cutting off all communication. Despite my critical condition and the support I needed, there was no effort from her side to understand or assist during this challenging time.

Several weeks later, Janet's husband weakly scolded me for not reaching out to comfort her—that I hadn't sent messages or made calls to check on her wellbeing. My answer was unapologetically blunt: "Sorry, not sorry."

When I was well enough to return home, Janet visited. Our meeting was cordial until I confronted her about the misuse of the funds. She defended herself by saying that she had left receipts for everything she purchased, claiming arbitrary expenses that began even before she arrived, which included body wash, breakfast items, and even chewing gum. She also claimed she had stocked up the kitchen, though it was unclear for whom since only leftovers were found. Furthermore, she mentioned some expenses were charged to her own credit card—without providing receipts—and absurdly stated that I had given her the money as a gift, or that it was her expense account. Her sense of entitlement baffled me, especially knowing she had boasted to friends about her upcoming 'vacation' at my expense.

Reflecting on this, the betrayal stings deeply making it clear this bridge is thoroughly burned. But frankly, what difference does it really make now?

One wonders how this situation might have played out under the public eye in a reality show setting. Would the viewers side with me, seeing Janet's actions as opportunistic and unsympathetic? Or would they find fault in my expectations and approach to recovery help? Reality shows thrive on conflict, and this real-life drama could certainly draw in viewers, sparking debates and discussions about family, responsibility, and trust.

I used to believe that after my skin were nothing, hollow and I wanted to tear my skin out just to see if there were nothing or not, it wasn't really an utter belief but like 99% of it. I still believe it sometime, this skin doesnt feel human, they're not, too artificial to be one, im not human, but not a robot, im a doll, I act like one, its loose once you observe it. Slack if you notice. My mind is not of my own, it whisper to me with a languange i know and dont know, I have to decode quickly to understand. This body is clay, its not human, this body is a doll, its not a human, everybody feels like a doll but logic says differently but I dont believe what they say until I see the flesh, I NEED to see the crimson to believe it, will i? Or will I think its fake again? My "loved one" faces are different, distant and artificial, theyre not them, theyre not people I know. Observing further for more than 3 seconds break my perception of such experience, something beyond my consciousness is controlling how I see things, they want me to think that its them when its not, you can clearly see it, its so obvious! Yet I pretend to act for them, theres no believer here, only the theatre remained, the voice is like a machine repeating words my loved one said, the movement is too doll like to be an actual human, an animal doesnt move like that, i know that for sure! They move freely but my loved one does not? Its weird. The face, its like the fabric felt, its inhumane, everybody else doesnt have that, just my loved one, theyre not them. Somebody is trying to trick me, somebody not human, is it God? God won't do this right? Of course mercy is not bestowed upon me, but one will not give much more suffering right? I, am a sinner after all, yet I believe him, is that not enough? Is anything I do not enough? Everything i do is nonsense, my belief is just not enough for God to give me such presents. Surely, only the sinner will get such suffering, such immeasurable test are not for the loyal are they or does God think I can withstand such torment? Does he want me to bite my flesh off? See my own blood to see whether im genuinely human or not? Is it that? But the knife are scary, I cant even cut vegetables! Im scared but why such torment are to be upon me? There's no others reason except of insanity. The ringing calls me to do it, this body is not mine to control, i cannot do it, something preventing so, is it want to live? Is it not? You too shall question that should you but you dont, why be silent all of the sudden? You always talk in language I cant comprehend, or rather im not hearing you at all? How do I explain this in text? Another voice but incomprehensible unless I hear it yes! A subtle ringing in my ears, tell me opinion, debate with me, and sometime get loud, its clearly just thoughts, like im debating myself! Im not hearing things! Its only the conciousness beyond me, beyond my understanding of normality that tell me do so! And how coud i say no? Its going internally, its clearly not a hallucination!How long was it again 1 month? 2? 3? I don't remember the feeling of wanting to tore my skin off to prove to myself, an urge thats only controlled by distraction, incredible that I have stayed for that long without a scar is it not? Its coming back to me how strong that belief was, I still am in string with it, its not thoughts of 24/7 no but this skin is not what it is, its not biological, you cannot tell me it is, you think i havent tried grounding before? I have, i have, i have, nothing work and really what's the point? Does it matter really, I'll still be "alive" dont worry! Once I try you'll see there's nothing behind it, it act like plastic, is it supposed to be? I think so, im only using my fingers, theres no harm in doing so is it? There's nothing behind it, no blood so why would it damage such body? It may hurt, of course it would. I just taken my antiphyschotic after writing this.

You know. I have believed my attempt worked before too and this is all just purgatory. But that one was less convincing, the body part was really convincing though. The mirror me is different, im looking at stranger, THATS NOT ME, cant you see that? Look at it! The face is not even mine, that body is not mine, its a complete stranger i dont know. seometime i feel like the ringing might be God telling me to rip my skin off to see how he has made me as a sinner, he has me plastic because of my sins cant you see that? The ringing tell

me to end myself, i have indulged in too much sins they say.

It somehow comforted me, the question has been answered, I can lay in peace but can I?

God hasn't confirmed that ill lay as dirt, I'll do his command once I have confirmation

September 13