Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Tbh there isn’t much of a story, more needing to take things off my back. If at any moment u feel uncomfortable just stop reading and do or go somewhere else. Well… ig here it is.. I hate myself, Ik it’s a thing that most ppl say or think but for everyone it’s different I think. I hate everything about myself, but I think I mostly hate the fact that I’m gay, masc, and fat. I go against everything. I feel like everything’s been going for the worst but I don’t want to stop, I just act like it so the ppl who care don’t help me as much. But I didn’t lie, I don’t want to not to stop, I like the feeling of anything bad really. Ik it sounds bad but it isn’t I swear. I think for once my dad is right.. maybe being gay is a disease after all, I mean I was happier when I was young and identified as straight, I didn’t worry if anyone thought I was a wannabe boy or if every girl friend I have thinks I immediately like them just because I say I’m gay. I think that’s way I started doing what I am, started to slowly just not eat. It started little, just skipping lunch at school, then not eating anything in the morning or at lunch at school, then after a year of that the pain went away and I didn’t really weight wise, I didn’t have stomach pains anymore. I felt empty. I felt.. feel out of control. Then fast forward this December it went from normal to really good, I didn’t care what my mom felt for me eating less then 100-300 calories for about 3-4 days on end. I remember them, it was a dream and if I had a choice I’d do again, I don’t regret it. I think I lost about 3kgs in that span or maybe more idk. Anyways now im 77kgs still losing. I was about 86kg im mid November or maybe a bit lower. And if I could say anything about how it’s been I’d say it’s addicting. The scale, I mean Idrc anymore if I do or don’t have muscle anymore. Idk what’s so addicting about the scale but it is, I don’t even really care to eat at this point, I just do it because I have to live and so my mom doesn’t call a therapist for me or smth like that. But that isn’t what I wanted to say, what I wanted to say is that these are the few but main reasons why I hate myself and I think it’s the minimum at the very least. So ig my question is, does anyone feel the same? Am I as fucked up as I seen to be?. I wish u all are okay and happy. Good morning, good afternoon, good night

Honestly just wondering, at what point is it enough to say that there's no reason to be alive. I feel like I could probably achieve some of the things that I may have wanted in the past, but I genuinely think I'd just rather kill myself.

Between interpersonal success and self actualization, I'd say those are the only things which could motivate me to keep living, but I just don't think it's practical to expect anything from myself in the kind of timeline that would make it worthwhile. I deal with paranoia, autism, panic disorder, BPD, OCD, and a very faint sense of identity. I have creative hobbies like art, music, learning about different cultures, studying languages and learning about history, but none of them would lead me to a stable job. As far as physical health, I've been struggling to gain weight and put on muscle due to diet and I hesitate to make changes to my diet due to my OCD. I consider myself average to unattractive as far as looks go, and I honestly don't even care because I hate others more than enough not to care what they think. I'm not on speaking terms with my mother, my father and both of my sisters rarely speak to me even though they claim to care about me, I have a couple of online friends from high school but I don't speak to them often either. I'm in a couple of communities at my university but in all of them I'm basically the guy that no one knows how to approach.

Until now, I'd wanted to change the world for people like me who are struggling despite having had some kind of potential, but idk, I'm tired. I know that people like me never get anywhere in life, that I've never had a stable relationship in my life and that puts me years behind everyone else developmentally. I know that I've had enough bad experiences that I'd just rather save myself the regret and hide in my room all day, but at that point I'll just be doing myself a favor by letting myself rest instead of continuing to deteriorate.

I'm young, I've been told that I'm an intelligent person and that I have a lot of things going for me, but every time I try to act on the smallest ambition I have, I regret it. I could very feasibly get a girlfriend this year or in the next couple months. I could very feasibly get a part-time job to start working on my resume. I could very feasibly talk to program administers about the projects I've wanted to do after graduating and get real support on those, but I don't really care. Modern dating sucks and though I'd like to have someone, chances are they disappoint me or disgust me like everyone else, and I don't ever really buy myself anything so I'd only be working to be out of my dorm. I don't even really care at this point about changing the world, people like me shouldn't exist. I wanted to create a world where no one like me would have to exist but everyone like me is probably just gonna kill themselves anyway.

I regret my life. I gave myself a suicide date when I was 14 and said I'd wait until I was 28 (I figured my life already sucked enough then that I'd give myself another 14 years just to see), but genuinely, why would I? I feel so far behind everyone else that something as basic as going outside gives me panic attacks. Everyone who tries to help me ultimately gets pushed away by my paranoia and I just don't have a place in society unless I go out and create one for myself which takes time, effort and skill which would mean that one way or another I lose out on my entire youth getting to the point where I would have been if I hadn't been neglected or born with these issues. I'm in therapy and it overall hasn't helped me to do any of the things I need to do.

I don't want to keep playing the "if only" game. It is what it is and I want to stop being forced to pretend that one day I'll live a normal life. Lemme know if this counts for a good enough reason to kms.

Just to sign off I miss my friend a lot. She was the last person I think I could trust and I'm debating whether or not having her cut me off last year was a good enough last straw.

I keep asking myself this question every day: how to stop worrying about the future? Because honestly, I don’t have a clue. Maybe I used to, back when life felt predictable, when you went to school, got a degree, found a job, and stuck with it until retirement. But now? Now everything is changing so fast, I feel like I can’t even keep up. And it’s not my future that keeps me up at night—it’s theirs. My kids. They’re still young, still in school, but I keep thinking, what will the world look like when it’s their turn to step into it? What will jobs even look like in 15 years? We tell them to study hard, to pick a career they love, but what if those careers don’t even exist by the time they get there? What if everything we’re teaching them now is useless in a world run by AI, automation, and technology that doesn’t even exist yet? It terrifies me. Because how am I supposed to guide them when I don’t even know what’s ahead?

I see it already—companies replacing workers with algorithms, AI writing code, making art, answering customer service calls. I read articles saying entire industries will disappear, that jobs we once thought were secure won’t exist anymore. And the worst part? Nobody seems to know what will replace them. I try to imagine what my kids will do when they’re grown. Will they need a degree, or will universities be irrelevant? Will they compete with machines for work? What if no matter how smart, how hardworking they are, it won’t be enough because the rules of the game will have changed? I want to tell them that if they study, if they put in the effort, they’ll be okay. But I don’t know if that’s true. And that’s what scares me the most. I try to remind myself that every generation has faced uncertainty, that the future has always been unpredictable, that worrying won’t change anything. But the truth is, I feel powerless. I can’t stop the world from changing, and I can’t guarantee that they’ll be ready for it. All I can do is teach them how to adapt, how to think critically, how to keep learning even after school ends. Maybe that’s the answer. Maybe instead of worrying about what jobs will exist, I should focus on raising kids who can handle whatever comes. Because in the end, the future isn’t something I can control—it’s something they’ll have to navigate on their own. And maybe, just maybe, that will be enough.

I've had multiple close friends before. and we always break up because of me somehow.

here was one time me and two of my close friends were studying. one of them said she dreamt of me dancing, naked. I thought it was hilarious. but when we went to class the next day, mind you, I'm only close to those two I heard everybody laughing at the back and I heard someone laugh out loud talking about my naked body. at that time I was sitting alone to study the other two talking with others. literally the whole class was talking about my naked body I was offended I didn't want to talk to them anymore and blablabla. but they say that im heartless because they cried and said sorry but I won't forgive them

the next one I had another close friend. she accused me of ruining her project then said something that was totally out of her character that really hurt me because she would never say anything like that before. I had this one art book of mine she's also a talented artist so she likes to paint my drawing because she mostly does digital. I would lend her the book so she could color it. I NEVER once asked her myself to paint it but I let her since she wanted to. but then when we fought she ripped all of my drawing which I spent hours on because she said I she colored them so she has a right to take it without compromising with me first. then I cried because all of my hard work was gone just like that. she said I don't deserve to cry and that she's the one who's supposed to be crying

then another one, I started talking to her because she looked lonely then we became close obviously I would share my personal stuff with her but then she told people that I was after her money. the thing is she's never even bought me anything. and I'm the type of person that never asks anyone to pay for me infact I would pay for them. and she's not even that rich.

so is it really my fault, like maybe I'm misunderstanding things or like maybe I'm too sensitive? because everyone seems to think that I'm in the wrong.. there's more actually but I'm not gonna write all my experience am I haha😅

At 18, I recently started college at a prestigious university, which I'm thrilled about. However, my cousin, also 18, had his heart set on this school ever since middle school but was rejected. He experienced a major meltdown when he learned he didn't get in, which I only heard about since I wasn't there with him. His reaction was intense, particularly as he received his rejection just days before my acceptance arrived. My acceptance, which also included a generous scholarship, seemed to ignite a storm.

My cousin, along with my aunt and uncle, bombarded me with calls, texts, and unexpected visits, pressuring me to surrender my spot to him. He was infuriated by my acceptance, claiming his grades and dedication surpassed mine, even though I participated in numerous extracurricular activities, which he dismissed as irrelevant. He went as far as accusing me of stealing his dream, and warned me I'd likely drop out because I couldn’t handle the pressure like he could.

Their campaign to make me change schools lasted until my departure day. My cousin dropped by to declare that if I went through with attending, we were no longer family since I was so ready to snatch his dream away. Brushing off his remarks, I left for college. Now settled in, I'm enjoying my time; my classes are engaging and my roommate is fantastic. Yet, my cousin continues to lament on social stories about betrayed dreams and worthless hard work, which is quite tedious.

Imagine if this drama unfolded on a reality TV show, the viewers would have a field day! There would be team meetings, dramatic music every time my phone lit up with texts or calls from my family, and perhaps a teary confessional scene where I question my decisions under the immense family pressure. How the audience would react to this familial tension and my cousin’s public outbursts, it would probably make for some highly-rated episodes!

So, what do you guys think? Was it wrong for me to proceed with my education at this school? Should I have considered attending another institution just to keep peace in the family?

Aight, so I got this problem and idk what to do. Valentine’s Day is like next week, and there’s this girl I really like… but I have NO CLUE how to ask her to be my valentine. Like, do I just text her straight up? Try to be funny? Make it casual?? Bro, I feel like an idiot even stressing over this but I don’t wanna mess it up.

I’ve been talking to her for a while now, and we text almost every day. Nothing too crazy, just memes, random convos, and stuff about school. She always replies fast tho, which I think is a good sign?? Or maybe she’s just nice lol idk. Either way, I actually like her and wanna make a move before some other dude asks her first.

The problem is, I’m trash at this kinda thing. Like, I overthink everything. If I just text, “Hey, wanna be my valentine?” is that too lame? Or what if she thinks I’m joking?? I thought about sending some kinda flirty text like, “So, what’s your Valentine’s Day plans? Cuz I heard this guy (me) is available 😉” but then I feel like I’d cringe myself into another dimension if she doesn’t respond how I hope.

Then there’s the classic “What if she says no?” I mean, yeah, rejection happens, whatever. But having to see her at school after that? BRUH. That would be painful. What if she shows the text to her friends and they all laugh at me?? Lowkey wanna just avoid this whole thing but at the same time, I don’t wanna regret not shooting my shot.

Maybe I should just go all in and send something dramatic like:

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at flirting, but will you be my boo?”

LMAO nah, that’s too much. She’d prob think I’m messing around.

Or should I just keep it simple? Like:

“Hey, so I was wondering… would you wanna be my valentine?”

No emojis, nothing. Just straight to the point. But what if that’s too boring?? Man, this is why texting is so stressful. You can’t tell if someone’s actually excited or if they’re just being nice.

Also, when do I even send it?? If I do it too early, she might think I’m desperate. Too late, and she might already have plans. I feel like there’s some secret Valentine’s Day rulebook I never got.

Honestly, if this was a reality show, I wonder what people would think of me right now. Would they be yelling at the screen like, “JUST TEXT HER ALREADY!!” or would they be roasting me for overthinking so hard?? Probably both tbh.

But yeah, if anyone has advice, lemme know. Cuz right now, I’m just staring at my phone like an idiot, tryna figure out how to ask a girl to be my valentine over text without looking like a total clown. Wish me luck... 😥

I have a day at work and not gonna go in much detail, but let’s just say I made a mistake and yet everyone makes it feel like the stupidest idea I ever had. We are meeting. We cleared everything out, but I’m now feeling like I’m the bad guy all over again. Even my parents think that I did something stupid even though I can’t help it at times it’s just that I think what bugs me the most lately is the crying of others that makes me feel like I can’t stop it. They’re going to make it worse for me and I hate seeing crying. Everybody’s gonna blame me for one little thing. But I know a mistake. But it gets hard going to get this pressure specially from the people you’re working with cause they’re saying on their butts and not doing anything and you’re trying to do your best. I guess sometimes your best is not the greatest. Hopefully next week will be better.

I've been assisting my employer for nearly a year now, and after only two months into my tenure, I decided to resign from my weekend job at a local store. I wanted to reclaim my weekends, but when I informed my boss, he assumed it meant I was open to working occasional Saturdays—a commitment I never made. He has a quadriplegic condition, requiring around-the-clock assistance, which makes him very selective about his caregivers. Although I understand his need for choosiness, his excessively small team doesn't afford him that luxury. We’re just five in the schedule, which becomes challenging. As the youngest, the responsibility frequently falls on me to cover Saturdays when others are unavailable. This month alone, I've worked nearly every Saturday, leading to severe burnout. I've also started to believe I might be on the autism spectrum, which could explain the intensity of this exhaustion. I need a few days to recuperate after a week's work, but at 20, expectations on me are immense.

Besides work, my social support is dwindling. My best friend since second grade recently moved to Montreal, and my other close friend lives far enough that I’m too spent to visit. My boyfriend’s place is where I spend most of my free time, as socializing has become too taxing due to my job. My boyfriend often compares his factory job, saying his 10-hour shifts are tougher, which feels dismissive. After prepping my boss each morning and getting him into his wheelchair, my job isn't tough—handling his home and yard. However, it feels overwhelming when sleep-deprived, especially when he, possibly unwittingly, says things that upset me. It's been tough getting any validation for my feelings about my work; instead, they often get downplayed or ignored. I just wish for my Saturdays back; the rare weekends off aren’t enough for me to feel truly recuperated. It’s as if my feelings are invalid, though I know they’re not. He subtly makes us feel guilty for not taking shifts, knowing well he needs us, but I can’t sacrifice my well-being anymore. Does this make me selfish?

If my situation were showcased on a reality show, I wonder how the audience would react. Would they see my side and the exhaustion I feel, or would they deem me ungrateful for not dedicating more to someone in need? Reality TV often amps up emotions and maybe my genuine stress would resonate with viewers, or perhaps they'd judge me harshly, influenced by dramatic portrayals and edits.

I have this friend, Carly, who’s 23 and we've been tight ever since our freshman days back in high school. She’s been chasing her musical dreams in LA lately. Carly always had a knack for writing; she even got her degree from a reputable private liberal arts college in California, majoring in Creative Writing. Most of us who know her well were betting she’d go into songwriting. However, Carly decided to take on singing instead. She's already dropped three singles and has an album in the pipeline, but honestly, they're just not good. Her vocal timbre really doesn’t cut it—it’s rather flat and nasal, plus she has this odd way of modulating her pitch. Watching her perform live is even more of a struggle. The crowd of friends she's made in LA keep cheering her on, telling her she’s phenomenal. I’m just worried about how far their praises will carry her before someone in the business pulls the plug and tells her straight up, “you can’t sing.”

What worries me more is thinking what if she ever ended up on one of those reality singing shows? Like, imagine her getting up there with that same supportive crowd, only to face the harsh critiques from seasoned judges in front of a national audience. Could you just imagine the humiliation? It’s hard enough seeing her wade through local gigs, but that level of exposure and raw feedback could really break her.

How does one deal with this? Is it kinder to let her keep dreaming while everyone around nods and smiles, or would a true friend intervene before the reality becomes too painful? Waiting it out seems like watching a ticking time bomb. Is sitting back really the answer?

Everytime I relapse I feel like the most pathetic and stupid person in this world

How can i get more things and be more productive when i feel so tired and overwhelmed and nervous all the time? I feel so horrible and i want to hide away from everyone and everything.

Things are Just too much right now. And i never know what to do. Sometimes the only things i can manage Is either sleeping for almost the whole day or shutting my brain off looking at my phone or Just pacing around my house.

I'm so tired. I felt tired for so long now. It's so hard to find energy or motivation when i feel like doing Is Hide and sleep for the rest of the day. I am trying to be better but it Just doesn't work. Everything Just feels so tiring. It feels like everything Is falling apart at the seams all at once.

So here I am, 41 years old, a dude who’s been married for a good chunk of time, and it seems my wife has decided that couples therapy is a must. She thinks it's gonna fix whatever’s broken in our little world. I get it, maybe I’m not the best at pouring my heart out—that’s always been her forte. But every time we sit in those sessions, I’m blank. My mind's as empty as a bird-less sky, and it's pissing her off. She wants deep conversations; I’m more of a "cut to the chase" guy. The therapist throws out terms like "emotional bandwidth" and "communication barrier," and while it sounds sophisticated, it really just makes me feel like I’m taking a pop quiz I didn’t study for. Am I supposed to say what’s really on my mind or just nod and agree? Anyone who’s been there, what's the deal? 🤔

My wife hit me with a quote once, "The unexamined life is not worth living,"...; it sure sounds smart, but I'm still scratching my head about how it applies to our Tuesday at 5 PM therapy slots. I’m supposed to dig up stuff to talk about—things from the past, the future, "feelings" (whatever they are). But here’s the truth, maybe I'm scared of opening up. What if peeling back those layers just exposes more crap I didn’t even know was buried deep in my subconscious? And here's another thing: I've always been a "don't fix it if it ain't broke" guy, but maybe that's led to some cracks in the foundation. Friend of mine once said, "Marriage is like a poker game; you gotta know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em." Maybe it’s time I start holding up my end of the deal a bit better without turning every session into a game of 20 questions. I'm hopeful because change is possible, right? But damn, how do you even start? Anyone else out there in the same spot, any tips, or is it just blah blah until the clock runs out?

man, i dont even kno what to say. like seriously, nothing matters anymore. i wake up, i do what i gotta do, i go to sleep, repeat. its all the same, every day. nuthing exciting, nuthing different, just the same boring ass life over and over. people talk about goals n dreams n all that bs but like, what for?? u work ur ass off just to be tired, just to pay bills, just to end up at the same place. so why even bother. i tried to care, i really did. but caring just make things worse bc u get disapointed, u get hurt, u get stress over things that probly dont even matter in the long run. so i stopped. now i just do what i need to do to get thru the day, nothing more, nothing less.

ppl say oh u just need to find somthing u love but what if i dont love anything. like fr, theres nothing that make me wanna get up in the morning. job? boring. school? waste of time. hobbies?? dont even have those anymore. use to try stuff, sports, music, even stupid things like learning to cook or whatever, but i sucked at all of it so whats the point. why keep trying when u kno u gonna fail. and dont even tell me "just work harder," bc working harder dont mean sh*t if u have no talent in the first place. so yeah, i gave up. not like in a dramatic way, just like, i dont put energy into anything anymore.

i see ppl all excited about stuff, making plans, talking about there future like they actually got things figured out. good for them i guess. but i dont see that happening for me. future just seem like a long ass road of more of the same bs. wake up, work, sleep, repeat. its like life is some game i never wanted to play but im stuck here anyway. so now i just stoped pretending. stoped acting like i care when i really dont. maybe one day somthing will change, maybe not. honestly? dont care either way.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and to be honest, I’m a bit confused. I’m a 28-year-old guy who identifies as bisexual, but I keep hearing people talking about pansexuality and it’s making me question what I really know about my own identity. I mean, I’ve always thought of bisexuality as being attracted to two or more genders, while pansexuality seems to be more about being attracted to people regardless of gender. But does that mean pansexuals are more open, or am I just overthinking this? Like, can you even clearly define the difference between the two, or are they just different labels people use to describe similar feelings? I’ve had friends tell me that it really comes down to personal choice and how someone relates to their own attractions, but I don’t want to assume that my experience as bisexual is the same as someone else’s experience as pansexual. It’s honestly exhausting, and maybe I need to just chill out a bit, but these identities feel so fluid and I just want to understand them better.

I remember talking to this girl I met at a party who identified as pansexual, and it was kind of an enlightening experience. She talked about how she feels attracted to people based on their personality over their gender. It made me think about my own preferences and if I truly limit myself, or if I'm just as open as she is but with a different label. Sometimes I catch myself questioning if there’s a right way to identify, like should I be more fluid or should I stick to how I’ve identified for years? It’s frustrating because I certainly don’t want to misrepresent myself, but it also feels like there’s this constant pressure to define myself in a way that makes sense to others. Are these labels helping us connect, or are we just complicating things? If you’re reading this, what do you all think? Is there really a significant difference between being bisexual and pansexual, or is it just a matter of semantics? What’s your experience with these identities?

Hey, I know this is a dumb question to ask online but at this point I'm desperate. I'm wondering how to be happy

I haven't been able to feel truly happy in a long time and it's been getting worse. I'm having the same day every single day for half of my life. Even when i try to change it it doesn't really change not really

It's just the same day everyday with a few things being different

I wake up, get insulted by my family for the whole day, read stories, do my chores, walk in circles for hours, go to sleep, repeat. Yeah I've tried to change it I've tried not to be so "miserable" but I can't

My only wish is to go to highschool like other 17 year olds but even that won't come true. My only friend is my dad's friend's wife who I know pitys me and my mother just straight up left years ago

Me and my dad's relationship will forever be ruined after he acted like a pedophile to me when I was 14 then proceeded to call me mentally insane when I brought it up in August because I felt like it was eating me alive. He said that maybe I was hallucinating or having a dream

Sometimes I realise that people don't truly love me or like me or really care that much

People say "practice self love" but they need to realise it's not the same as your father loving you. Or anybody

I used to do the whole self love thing and take care of myself a lot but now I just can't find the will to do that. I haven't brushed my hair in months.

Most days my mind doesn't really absorb, just thinking about unicorns or whatever nonsense. But some days like this one, it feels gut wrenching like my stomach dropped

I'm turning 18 in December this year. Basically in one blink of an eye. I should change but it feels like I'm stuck in a pool full of thick Nutella and honey

But yeah I just want to know how to feel happy. And how to stop feeling so paranoid all the time it's ruining my life.

I know I shouldn't ask such a question online but I have nowhere else to go

I'm not insulting my father or anyone in this message, they'r nice but everyone has their issues and moments I guess. But I'm just saying my opinion, that it hurt me