Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

hi I'm fox(19 female)

so about 1 years ago I joined a youth group for lgbt teenagers, there I got re-acquainted with a friend (firefly 21 male) I met 5-year prior. a couple weeks later he some of his friend(butterfly 21 female) & ( Hound Dog 21 male) joined the youth group . I'd seen both of his friends before but had never really talked to them , anyway we all became a friend group. that summer I got particular close to butterfly and I realise I really liked her and I wasn't sure if she felt the same way until, firefly told me he absolutely believed butterfly had a crush on me as well. so we went on flitting for at least 9 months. one day I was planning to meet up with her and talk her how I feel, so a week before I sent her a message as her if she was free to meet up, she didn't answer me for 2 months , of course after 1 week I asked the others if they had heard anything. Hound dog, said he hadn't heard anything, but firefly said that butterfly was just going through somethings and didn't really want to talk ( of course this hurt me a bit but anyway). over the next 3 months firefly keep reassuring me that it had not to do with me. in the 3rd month firefly eventually, told me and butterfly that we need to talk about because it was "effecting his mental health " ( side note I understand that this was a complete normal response if I had been as him question but he was the one who would ask me if butterfly had text me back. )

so butterfly and do have a conversation about it. from the conversation I understood why she didn't text me back. I had still have feelings for her and firefly knew this. so one day he said I don't think she ready for a relationship. which made sense until, not even a full month later he released he had feelings for butterfly. and they got into a relationship.

so I bit my tongue and pretend it didn't bother me.

now you maybe wondering what did Hound dog think about this hole situation. he completely agree and supported me. (side note: Hound Dog and firefly are no longer friend, has for me and firefly, well that complicated, you see firefly is the type of person who you feel like he'll get himself killed at any moment so I still want to keep an eye on him. ) so now comes the reason why I'm writing this,

2 day ago butterfly opened up to me about how she didn't feel good about the relationship and that she felt really low in energy when she around him.

for any you want to know yes I still have feelings for her but I'm suppressing them

So my question is what do I do?

if you have any questions please ask and I'll try to answer them in an update or in the comments.

Background: At the age of 20, I saved up and purchased a VIP concert ticket for almost $500 without informing my parents. This decision came shortly after a disagreement sparked by a previous incident where our car hit a deer; a situation I was visibly upset about and vocalized my frustration, much to my parents' displeasure. My parents, who are in their early forties and hold conservative Christian beliefs, were already strained from their own unresolved disputes.

Story: My intention was to wait until my birthday in July to tell my parents about the concert, hoping the celebratory atmosphere would make them more receptive. However, they preemptively discovered the expense on my bank statements, leading to a series of intense confrontations. This revelation has caused significant tension within our family, with my siblings caught in the middle. My older sister, 22, and younger brother, 14, sympathize with me but also think I should have approached the situation differently by discussing it with our parents first, given their known perspectives.

Since discovering the ticket, my parents have been pressuring me to cancel it, accusing me of humiliating and undermining their authority. They believe that as a Christian, I shouldn't engage in such 'worldly' activities and that by insisting on going, I am not only disobeying them but also endangering my moral well-being. These disputes have escalated to the point where I feel somewhat alienated at home, prompting my siblings to take on more responsibilities to ease the situation.

From my parents' standpoint, they are hurt by my lack of communication and feel that as my guardians, they should be consulted on such significant decisions. They fear for my safety and spiritual health, viewing the concert as a potential path to sin.

Reality Show Scenario: If my family drama and I were featured on a reality show, the audience would likely be divided. Viewers might empathize with my desire for independence at 20, while others might side with my parents' concerns for my well-being and their emphasis on family values. The tension, arguments, and emotional moments would certainly keep viewers hooked, showcasing the stark contrasts in mindset between different generations within a conservative family.

hey everyone, so i'm an 18-year-old guy and i've been feeling this odd vibe from my mother-in-law. maybe i'm crazy or overthinking things but it really feels like she wants to sleep with me. it's kinda stressing me out because it's not something you'd expect right? but there are these small signs that make me doubt myself and question what's really going on. she's been extra friendly lately, not in a motherly way if you know what i mean. it's more personal, a bit too close for comfort kinda deal. and sometimes she gives these compliments that seem to have a different undertone, not just the usual 'you're doing great' encouragement.

now don't get me wrong i'm polite as heck and i try to maintain a good relationship with her but there's this boundary ya know? i start wondering if maybe it's all in my head and nothing's actually happening. yet when we talk the way she looks at me sticks for a moment longer than i'd expect it to in normal social dynamics. i'm definitely not trying to jump to conclusions here 🚩just want some advice on how to handle it without making waves or causing unnecessary drama. has any of y'all ever dealt with something similar or am i just caught up in my own paranoia?

I don't know what category this would go in, I don't know if this is even the right place to put this, I just googled 'anonymous places to vent' and went with this. I have no one to talk to and just don't know what to do about anything.

Everything. Just everything, look at what Trump and his cronies are doing, and no one is even trying to stop them. They're just complying in advance, or showing their true colors, both maybe. I keep trying to reach out to charities that are supposed to help LGBTQ folk flee the country or flee red states to blue- no one is helping me. No one. ONE out of the twenty or so I've written answered me, but then suddenly stopped once they said they were going to arrange a video call with me after I confirmed my identity. Rainbow Railroad told me 'America still protects my rights' so they won't help me. They won't even help me get to a blue state despite saying they help with that as well. I think they blocked my emails...

I never even got to live. I wish I was joking saying this, or exaggerating, but I'm not. My father kept me hostage, pretty much, from ages 17 to 22 or so. Sabotaging doctor's appointments, hiding my college acceptance letters, letting me get more and more disabled. More and more dependent. I've had so much crap happen in my life, various flavors of trauma from many different people, most people supposed to love and protect me. That's just one example and the one effecting me second most right now, it has the most relevance.

I'm 25 now, intersex and trans, and trapped. I am afraid to even try to get an ID and passport now despite never having one in the first place because what if someone looks at me and decides it's invalid based on how I look purely and I don't get to travel? Don't get my documents back? That's been happening to trans people trying to flee and yet no country is trying to stop Trump from the outside in seeing this all? Preparing to rescue us even if we have no documents? This is blatantly genocide, they're making us stateless and banning our travel, denying existence and removing government documentation of so many things...

I have been screaming for help for years. YEARS before this. About this, about other things, no one listened. No one ever listens, I need too much help and have too much wrong with me so I'm "not valuable." No one wants to help me and I'm running out of time day by day. I can't keep fighting. I even wrote an Australian government site that says they're taking in queer refugees, begged for help, admitted that I have nothing to offer but that I can learn skills if just given the chance and a bit of help. No one replies, of course, but I expected that. I'm just so tired. Scared.

Why is my life worth so little?

My family, who all either voted for this or skipped out because they had the privilege to as it 'didn't affect them' are around me laughing and unbothered. I just want to scream at them to shut their mouths. Shut up. You don't get to vote for my demise or otherwise treat me like shit for being afraid then sit there laughing, smiling, while I'm here barely making it.

I guess I just want to ask what steps do I even take first? Before someone says therapy, I'm already in it, my therapist doesn't even know what to say or do to help me and yes I'm on meds. I keep getting cycled through them because everything I try I have a terrible reaction to or it does absolutely nothing. I don't know what to do. And no, I'm not trying to encourage violence or am I saying I'm going to do anything to myself, just in case that needs to be made clear. I'm just laying myself bare. I'm just needing SOMEONE to help me. Or at least just hear me, not give me empty, hollow words and "coping mechanism advice" like hotlines (even TrevorChat) do.

I'm just so tired.

Alright, folks, here's the deal. I've been dealing with some heavy stuff and it's apparently confusing to people around me. You ever get to that point where you're like, 'How did we even get here?' Because that's my constant thought recently. I've got friends asking why I'm distancing myself and being all weird but honestly, it's just managing my own mental bandwidth. Like when you've been clocking in too many hours on Zoom meetings filled with endless corporate jargon and then you need some time alone to just detox. Seriously, these virtual meetings are taking a toll on my sanity sometimes with relentless pinging of notifications from work chat apps driving me up the wall. We're all in this tech-driven hamster wheel and I swear half the time I feel like shouting Basta enough already! There's really only so much 'synergy talk' one can listen to before wanting to run for the hills.

But seriously speaking (or writing rather), am I wrong for wanting some peace? For stepping back when it feels like everyone else is running towards chaos at full speed? I swear I'm not trying to be dramatic or pull off some grand gesture of withdrawal from important relationships. It's about getting back in touch with ourselves without corporate emails constantly interrupting our personal space. Just because I'm setting up a Wall of Silence doesn't mean I'm donning armor against everyone and everything forevermore... Gimme a break! 😅 Maybe instead of assuming it's something they said or did wrong I'd appreciate it if folks would consider that sometimes people just need solitude—not as punishment but as preservation. A skilled pianist knows when each note needs silence between things and right now that's what I need… a pause moment in life's noisy symphony.

Suicide is justified

why shouldn’t we choose to exit? Death is inevitable anyway whether I die at 17, 47, or 89, the end is the same. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Helping, studying, relationships don’t fill the void so why keep patching something unfixable? Even if life improves later, that’s still a gamble right now suffering feels endless, and it’s unfair to force someone to endure just because “it might get better.” Life feels like theft, not gift born without consent, condemned to suffering, then robbed by death.

suicide isn’t just “choice,” it’s the end of all choices. If you exit now, you deny your future self the possibility of ever choosing differently. The amount of life experienced is the difference. If meaning is something you can create, then more time = more possibility. the void isn’t eliminated, it’s carried differently. That shift (existential acceptance) changes how much power the void has. Suicide blocks that possibility forever. I agree but I have no motivation to play this game.

you can decide whether to treat life as a burden or a canvas. The injustice of being born doesn’t mean the only justice is exit. Suicide hands victory to those who hurt you; living (even broken, even with void) is resistance. I agree and I don't want victories anymore.

I may never “fix” happiness, but i can still create meaning or peace and that possibility only exists if i stay. Right?? Yes but pain is unbearable and there's no way I can fill this void.

Uncertainty Principle (Heisenberg) Nothing is 100% fixed. Even particles don’t have definite positions/velocities until observed. Exactly: The “permanence” of my void is also uncertain. Just like particles, my inner state isn’t fixed. As we know Quantum Superposition A particle can exist in many states at once until measured.

Science and medicine can’t fill a void; it can change conditions so that the void stops swallowing everything. It can raise the floor (sleep, nutrition, meds), loosen the grip (therapy skills), and make room where meaning-making is possible.

“In quantum mechanics, X (a cause) doesn’t force only one effect (Y). It creates a range of possible outcomes {Y, Z, A…}. Which one becomes real depends on interaction/observation in life, that’s your choices and actions, But Possibility ≠ happiness it is only the chance. The void remains, yet the collapse is yours."

Suicide is a rational solution to suffering. you can't know what comes after death. If it's nothingness, yes, suffering ends. But if it's something (unknown state, spiritual consequence, ripple effect), the assumption breaks. I believe in nothingness. Life has no inherent meaning suicide is neither wrong nor right. Life has no meaning but precisely because of that, we must create our own meaning. Suicide "skips the responsibility" of creating. Yes, life is suffering, but the measure of a human is how they bear suffering and turn it into strength. Ending it early is abandoning your post. Since you didn't choose birth, the only place you do have choice is what you make out of this forced existence. Isn't it cruel to ask someone drowning in despair to wait for an uncertain tomorrow, when their suffering is certain today? void of meaninglessness certainty vs possibility. I Don't ask "what makes me happy?" I Ask "what makes me 2% lighter?" Still nothing works I'm not happy anymore. I used to believe When meaning is present, happiness sneaks back as a by-product. But I'm Wrong. Same with emotional rewiring. Only from stability can happiness grow. But slowly I'm feeling it will not work. Years of disappointment/ trauma condition me to "not expect joy" so even when it's there, i don't trust it. It's not the genuine happiness I feel. My brain doesn't take it. I have seen through the game of "do this be happy." i realize the loop is empty so happiness feels fake. I agree partially, studying 24/7

doesn't give me happiness but it can give me purpose. "Purpose sustains you when happiness can't." I do partially agree.

The unfair part of life is that we didn't choose to be born yet we're expected to carry on as if there's nothing wrong. When we didn't decide to whom or how we're born, why should we continue living a miserable life when there's a way out? There is far too much obsession with "success" and material gain, and not enough empathy. Suicide isn't selfish. What's truly selfish is neglecting someone so badly to the point that they want to kill themselves.

I feel like the only reason that suicide wouldn't be justified in the ultimate sense) is if your life still contains obligations (unfinished responsibilities to others, society, or even to yourself).

I don't feel happy... there's no happiness trust me.

Different types of people walk the earth and each with it own personality, some introvert, some extrovert and some ambient and within these categories lies many others that are measurable and non-measurable; confident, brave, experienced, shallow, indecisive, inferiority complex and many more.

Many embody different types and some battles with one to a brink they are about to collapse, some later break which make the people in their surrounding notice and empathise, judge, pity and even ostrcise them and many keep to themselves while torturing their inner-selves not because the don't want to but because they don't want the judgement, Empathy, pity from the society.

These type of people are surrounding you without you, some are around, some are your closest friends while some are your brothers -blood brothers or not- but you didn't notice them not because they hide it too deeply but because of the situation, they find the society nowadays as it treat them as weak and neglect them offering no help at all.

You that are seeing this may be among the people I am talking about or not but tou may be a well noticed person conscious of your surrounding and knows people in this same position, do not judge them or neglect or abandon them or ostracised them from your midst but try and support them because some may collapse and you will be asking "what there anything wrong with him before" 'is he suffering to that extent', 'I didn't know it was that deep'; all these are just aftereffects after the damage has been done.

Some may find ways to navigate their lives while battling inside if you know them support them mentally, emotionally, spiritually and in prayers because the society care less of these peoples and do not have time for them as they are all about ; I need to do this, i need to do that, I need to make money, I want to become a so called professional and so on .

I writing is bottling myself up, suppressing the turmoil and waves going on in my heart and head finding solution for myself and healing slowly through self meditation and medication which is why I am writing these not for everybody to read but for people in my position to pour out themselves as you have many people supporting you if not near you and are ready to hear what you heart has been screaming for a long time to pour out, as I know many has lot to say, some as little as a lake while some are as large as an ocean.

I’m not entirely sure what to put to be honest, I’ve tried multiple venting websites and there’s not much to say but here goes nothing.

last night at around half eight pm my cat, Bendy, passed away.

the whole night I stayed up crying to the point where I haven’t got enough sleep, I went to school today and I was so tired I didn’t even know what my own name was.

i haven’t got anyone in my life to speak to about this and I seriously don’t know what to do.

it’s even got to the point where I’ll burst out crying at anything cat related, literally before posting this I was crying looking at old pictures of him.

I don’t expect this to get much attention but meh.

Growing up, my life was deeply entrenched in religious practices, as both of my parents embraced faith as young adults, met at church, and centered their entire social existence around religious activities. About five years ago, I realized that I didn't share their beliefs, and ever since revealing this, our relationship has been strained, particularly with my mother. As a child, I often protested attending church and expressed my discomfort with having religion imposed upon me. My stance saddened my parents, especially my mother, who confessed that it made her question her faith. They explained that since I live under their roof and am financially dependent on them, I must abide by their rules, which includes attending church.

As I've matured, I've come to understand how fundamental their faith is to them and that they believe they are acting in my best interest. Thus, I attend church with them every week without complaint. However, I still struggle when they continuously bring religion into daily conversations. Seeking advice usually leads to responses laden with religious references, which don’t resonate with me. Although I've tried to explain my point of view, it often results in arguments, with my parents insisting that they are just trying to offer guidance.

Not long ago, during a lengthy car ride, they insisted on interrupting my music listening to share a biblical passage. This demand sparked frustration in me, prompting me to confront their forceful approach. The situation escalated, and as a consequence, they confiscated my phone for the rest of the journey. While losing my phone is trivial, the recurring theme of such disputes pains me.

Understanding my change of heart has been hard for my parents, but their insistence on incorporating Christianity into aspects of my life where it makes me uncomfortable seems like an infringement on my personal boundaries. Am I indeed being closed-minded by asking them to refrain from pushing their beliefs on me, or am I unjustified here?

If my situation was featured in a reality show, the reactions could be quite polarized. Viewers might side with me, feeling sympathetic towards my desire for personal belief independence, while others might regard my parents' actions as justified guidance for someone under their care. This could potentially lead to heated debates among the audience about the balance between parental influence and individual freedom.

My boyfriend has been going through his hardest times, he lost his brother by a car accident, and he lost track of the criminal he was chasing after for more than a year, furthermore he was standing at the edge of the rooftop yesterday night— I swear I knew what that dark look on his face meant

In fact I was dumb enough to get rings already :(

But should I propose now with that high risk of getting rejected or should I wait until next year or whenever he feels better? Because I’m sure if I propose to him now, he’s going to throw dishes at me and shout at me so that he can feel better, and trust me I’m not in a toxic relationship…

Got lots of love to give but no one wants to have it. They want the toxic ones.

So umm.. I don’t really know how to put this. My dad’s been staring at my chest more often… and it’s really gross. He’s always been a “creep” and often watches vulgar stuff.. but before your wondering how old I am and all that I’ll tell you. I’m 13 and I matured pretty quickly? I look around a high school freshman? Like I’m 5’7 and I have yk.. boobs. Like it just feels weird saying this

So sometimes I walk around the house without a bra bc they hurt yk?? And my mom does the same. I mean I think it’s normal??? But anyway, my dad has a problem with staring for too long at people?? So I’ll be minding my business and he’ll just STARE. Like full blown stare with no thoughts, even if you stare back at him he won’t do anything??

So he’s been staring lower.. and I’d say I’ve been hitting puberty more.. so yk what happens. And idk it just feels so disgusting. Like the type of way I’d want to rip my skin off? I love myself but when he stares it makes me feel like a ball of sludge?

Idk what the point of this was but I just wanted to get this off my chest

so, i recently discovered my husband has been cheating on me for two years... apparently he says it's finished now but can i really trust that?! uncovering this betrayal only a few weeks ago, i'm still like a whirlwind of emotions overflowing with uncertainty... how do i move past this? it's frustrating to think that all those 'special' moments we shared were just lies disguising his deceit. what really grinds my gears is the audacity he had to carry on like everything was normal... lying straight to my face!!! Though i'm hurt beyond measure i can't help but question if there's a way forward from here or if i'm stuck in this agony forever.. my nights are restless as memories replay in an endless loop, us celebrating birthdays, anniversaries without even suspecting foul play. some tell me time heals, but what's tied to that clock? why should i even consider remaining stuck in something that's tainted by betrayal?. maintaining composure while contemplating next steps feels absurdly artificial given the upheaval in our life. trust shattered and heart in pieces, yet society expects pleasant smiles and swift moves along. it seems like painstaking reconstruction work ahead - mending what remains of respect and hope inside this fractured bond. perhaps forgiveness is a path worth treading??... after all everyone makes mistakes but looking past infidelity - tough as nails! grappling with raw pain alongside curiosity over future possibilities keeps the mind busy yet exhausted ..... therapist consultations are suggested by many acquaintances, whatever... cynicism furnished its permanent piece within me though digging through layers might eventually reveal clarity solutions optimism some claim linger there!

I have been struggling with negative thoughts for a couple of years now due to school trauma and bullying. In 12th grade, I had to stop attending school because I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Since then, it has been difficult for me to keep up with people. My mom doesn’t know how to help me. I was forced to transfer schools and pay for the whole semester, even though I only sometimes attended school for one or two days. My mom thinks I'm not trying, but I badly want to graduate, and it hurts when they call me lazy and say I don’t have the will to get better.

I used to be an honor student, but because of the harmful effects of what others did to me, I no longer recognize myself. I have engaged in self-harm in various ways and had to live alone. My mom thought that by sending me to a city alone, I would feel better, but it only made things worse.

I met my boyfriend, who helped me cope and inspired me to try again. I enrolled in pharmacy for two months and fell in love with it. My classmates were very kind to me, but I realized my struggle was mostly internal. I couldn’t control the thoughts of others or stop wondering if they hated my existence. I would suddenly leave the laboratory and cry at home, feeling weak. Now, I’m forced to study accounting online, which I also struggle with because I was a STEM student and find business courses difficult.

Nevertheless, I want to study pharmacy again if only I were given another chance. That field makes me feel truly fulfilled, and I believe I can thrive in it if given the opportunity.

Regarding therapy, I recently received my psychological evaluation results, and they disappointed me a little. The results were very clear, and I paid a lot for them. Now, I was told I can book a session only once or twice a month. From this schedule, I’m unsure if I can truly get better. Is this how it works?

As of now, I feel like I’m just waiting for an opportunity. I feel not good enough, and I'm dying everyday as I’m turning 20 soon.

What's a great advice to keep in touch with your long distance friends?