Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I know no one can positively tell me how I'm supposed to be feeling or if what I'm feeling correct . Little bit of background about 5 days before Christmas I found out that my nan died and I've been struggling to come to terms with the news but I haven't exactly been overly sad about it but at the same time I have cried a hand full of time and I've had r the pit of guilt in my stomach as on my birthday I should of messaged her to say thank you for my parents but I didn't.

side note I also have ADHD so if you can give me some tip on how to deal with this I would be internally gratefull. and if you can in anyway tell me I'm not in the wrong for feeling the way

I am . 😢

I feel like I don't like this. I feel like I'm being dragged along by doctors, precisely for the purpose of getting them to lead me in my health care, which my father hasn't been able to do for reasons even he doesn't know. I'm very confused. My mother's power is being taken away.

In a way, I'm handing my life over to these doctors out of desperation. My parents, having failed to look after her, are instilling in me a deep distrust. In fact, I feel fear toward my family members. I don't know if my father, who is also a doctor, has hidden incidents regarding his profession with us, the family members. I feel like this family is capable of hiding anything to maintain the union, just as they do with my father. I hate that I can't express this with complete confidence elsewhere; my fear of censure is always there.

In fact, the last few times I saw him, my father was confusing treating me professionally with his desire to dominate me. In fact, I'm saying that he was more interested in possession than treating me as a doctor. He denied things. Indeed, my father had gone crazy. However, I feel these doctors are on the same path, that of being possessive rather than professional. In fact, I'm verifying it.

I'm currently in a state of urgency with these doctors to get them to stop being professional, to go further with me, to the point of treating me like a mother and a father. I don't know whether to obey the doctors because doing so would be betraying my father, and obeying my father would be betraying them. I find myself at a terrible crossroads. I wish things were simpler.

Why did my father throw me in with this group of doctors? The price is that there are many people out there seeking domination, by any means, and these doctors turned out to be one of them. In this sense, he exposed me to this happening. It was as if he was no longer interested in having me under his care, but instead exposed me to someone else, vowing to preserve me no matter what. During treatment, my father was so nervous, so indecisive, so sentimental that he didn't give me the chance to trust him with my life.

I feel that perhaps these doctors may be different, but the fact that they are taking positions in my life, regarding my health, is a very serious issue for me. This is playing with my health arbitrarily, just like he did with my father. There's no difference. They also don't take into account whether I want it or not. They exploit my desperation just the same. I keep insisting: I'm surprised by how many people are out there with a desire for power. Besides, it's even worse with the doctors because I can't repeat the attitudes I had, and I don't know what they're capable of, knowing their influence.

I don't know how my father could have exposed me to such beings. What a rootless behavior. It's as if he doesn't want to be with me; he's exposing me to someone taking me away just like that, and I don't like it. I wanted to stay with him, but at the same time, I feel like he made no effort to stay with me. He left me exposed to these kinds of people. Besides, how could he not be more attentive, or more attentive this time than with his friends? We're with people from the street, strangers; it was only natural that he would be attentive with these doctors. Why did he neglect me like this? I feel abandoned in my usual way, free from anything happening to me, without visualizing methods, ways of dealing with me, or anything like that. In other words, he also allowed my desire to leave his life to be satisfied.

I feel like this time my father didn't fight for me at all. In fact, he didn't even take an interest in how the doctors handled things with me. He wasn't able to go into details; he simply assumed things were done well without raising any questions. I feel like this means my father hasn't stopped loving me because he's supposed to take care of that, the medical side of things. Also, assuming things about the doctors when I told him not to interfere, I mean, my dad did everything possible to make this situation happen, to make these doctors take control of my life, even though I allowed it. He did everything possible, everything that bothered me and he knew it, to make me leave. It's as if nothing in our history had indicated anything to him, as if he had no capacity for reflection regarding the way I acted. It's as if he didn't want me with him.

It's like, ever since the treatment, I feel like he doesn't want me with him anymore, as if he wants to kick me out of being with him, and he doesn't realize it. My sister had the same feeling. It's gotten to the point where I don't recognize it. Yesterday she told me about a subject I liked, and he still hasn't sent me any materials. I feel completely abandoned by my father. In fact, I feel like he could have dealt with the treatment completely, calmly, without any problem, but he just put it aside. It's already happened I've done this several times. I notice that he's just thinking, and it's something that doesn't just happen with me. When something bothers him in his routine, he simply tries to get it out of his system, no matter who it is. Indeed, he's an extremely indolent person. Why does my father have to be like this?

I feel like my father, for a long time now, hasn't known what to do with his life. He's left it behind and simply prefers to focus on his job, which is where he does things well because all he does otherwise, given his lack of empathy, is destroy things. My father tries to get back on track, but it's always useless; he always achieves the opposite. I feel like he's never going to leave that comfort zone in any way; in fact, he never did since he became a father. None of us, let's be clear, care about his feelings, let alone support him in anything. He's carrying a very heavy burden, although that's also because he doesn't want anyone to interfere. Indeed, my dad will never get out of that, and hoping for change is unnecessarily giving me hope.

This same reasoning applies to my mother. That is to say, she will never leave, like my father, her job, her family, the prison walls. She's only interested, and since I was a child, it's always been that way: calm. This is the ultimate goal for both of us, and nothing more than that goal, using the tools that belong only to them and nothing more than theirs. Indeed, I recognize that I do this; however, I deny that it's my reality, given that when I leave my comfort zone, I seek an effective way out so that I can be supported by my routine. Unfortunately, this isn't the case with my sister, given that it's exactly the same with my parents, with the only difference being that she seeks to be Machiavellian, while I don't. My path through life is through good deeds without expecting anything in return, which in turn opens doors for me, although that's not why I do it. This is why my parents attacked me as a child, and I felt my sister was loyal to me in times of conflict. However, their preference for success was me, not my sister, since she was rejected because she was their faithful reflection.

I somehow feel that this was latent since I was a child, of chasing doctors, of going to another caregiver. It was always latent because I didn't have the tools for life, and now it's not much different. I don't have a life made up of friends; I am absolutely dependent on others, practically on others, since nothing is mine, except for some transportation issues, note-taking supplies, and electronic equipment, and I buy junk food since my father provides me with food. In fact, I feel at home, with the only difference being that I am alone and face life's challenges. However, this was already the case since I was a child, and I am also very careful not to get into trouble.

man, i was so pumped about this new gig i scored. you ever just hype something up in your head like it's gonna change your life? that's where i was. imagining myself in this dream job, strutting in with that big shot energy, taking over the world one meeting at a time. i thought, finally, i'm about to be where i've always wanted, doing stuff that's meaningful and transformative. but damn, was i wrong. got there and everything felt like a major letdown. the work is dull, the team barely talks to one another unless it's about something trivial like the damn coffee machine breaking down, and don't even get me started on the so-called "growth opportunities" – what a joke. And suddenly, all that confidence I had just plummeted. it's like when you save up all your money for the concert of your all-time favorite band, only for the lead singer to show up inebriated and mumbling half the lyrics. feels like i’ve been suckered into buying a timeshare in disappointment town.

let me tell you about the point when reality hit. we had this big project that i was amped about... finally, a chance to shine. but turns out, the whole thing was just smoke and mirrors. the higher-ups didn't even care about the quality. seemed like they were more into playing politics than actually getting any meaningful work done. my input? brushed off like i'm some peon who speaks gibberish. my self-esteem took a nosedive off a cliff. it's all learning experiences they said, but hell, learning what? learning to suffer in silence while others pretend to paddle the broken canoe? what they don’t put in the job description is that sometimes the job is less about what you do and more about how you fit into the dysfunctional puzzle. gives you some gnarly flashbacks, doesn’t it? someday they’ll write this crap into a tragic comedy and we can all have a good laugh. ever read kafka? feels like that but without the cool existential reflections and too many office memos.

but hey, i'm not gonna sit around here sounding like debbie downer. i'm trying to find that silver lining in all this. recently, i started focusing on the small stuff. like, okay, the job sucks, sure, but that doesn't mean every day is a wash. i’ve met one or two folks who are genuinely decent, which is a rarity. sometimes we grab a beer after work and share horror stories, it helps to blow off steam. the thing is, the truth hurts but it's also kind of liberating, right? i'm learning (slowly, mind you) that i ain’t defined by a lousy job or how the higher-ups see me. that's just a blip on this radar we call life. and man, if there's one thing i've picked up, it's to keep an open mind and not let disappointments tether you. life’s too short to be bogged down by unrealized ideals. chase something else, like finding a passion or a hobby. who knows, maybe i'll be the next youtube sensation cooking questionable recipes. i mean, what’s life without a little spontaneity and gamble? So how do you cope when the daily grind gets you down? just curious if there's any universal hack out there we're all missing. 🤔

I met him when I was 11, and he was too. We had a little childhood romance and started "dating" when we were 13. He helped me get through my parents’ divorce, and I helped him with his own family issues... we really liked each other. We were each other’s first love, it was sweet, it was innocent. I felt at home with him. When we hit six months together, things were already falling apart, and I broke up with him because I was going to move to another city mid-year. He seemed to take it well, or at least that’s what I thought. We talked bad about each other afterwards, like teenagers do, of course.On my last day in that city, we were leaving school when he saw me from a distance, gave me a small wave… and cried. I cried too. But neither of us said anything or walked up to each other.After I moved, I sent him a text message saying EVERYTHING I felt. He responded and said he felt the same, but that it wouldn’t work because of the distance and because our story had ended. We still talked sometimes...Then in November, he came to my new city for a karate tournament. Our moms were very close, so he stayed at my house. When I saw him again, it felt like we were still together. I knew I was still crazy about him. At first, we were super shy around each other, but we eventually opened up. He had changed a lot, and so had I. That night, we sat on a couch downstairs in my building and talked for hours. We kissed and made promises we couldn’t keep. He slept in my room, and I slept in my mom’s. But we kept messaging each other all night. It was strange to think that he was here, in my house, in my room. At around 2 a.m., I went into my room and sat by the bed. We talked, laughed, and remembered everything. I took so many pictures of us. At 6 a.m., he left, and I cried so much in the lobby of my building. My love was leaving. From that moment on, the song "The Only Exception" became ours.We tried to keep in touch, but eventually he told me to move on with my life.In January, I went back to my hometown and we went to the mall, just as friends. I really liked it… I had written him a letter, but never gave it to him. I went to his house, and we ended up making out. I didn’t want to leave. The next day, I was already going back to my city.So we spent the whole afternoon watching series and just enjoying each other’s company. I left, and this time ,didn’t cry.We tried a long-distance thing again, but it ended when I found out he was dating a girl from his class, one of his friends told me. It felt like my world collapsed.He was different, you know? He could even understand my silence. I really loved him.Now, I just know that he’s doing some questionable things and that he’s dating another girl.Of course, I’ve had other crushes… but I always compared them to that sweet boy who once existed.I read the letter I had written to him today and realized how naive I was…I miss the boy I was once madly in love with.I really want to send a message, but sometimes not sending is better than being rejected.I just wish he knew… that once, it was him.

My partner always invalidate my feelings. He just brush it off whenever I start telling him of how he made me feel an outsider on our relationship and was never appreciated and cared for. I am so done!

Honestly my dad is a massive bitch and im so close to losing my shit. Everyone i talk to just goes like “oh but he’s your dad” ok but im his daughter. He’s supposed to be the man i look up to, he’s supposed to be an example for me to look at for the future, he’s supposed to be my father but honestly all i see him as is just a nuisance. All he does is complain and complain all day. He’s spent thousands of money over a game while me and my siblings are over here starving some nights.

I feel I can't just leave my father like this. He's my doctor, and he doesn't deserve what he's going through, what I'm doing to him, leaving him, being at the mercy of such a huge mess because of me, and having to tolerate it. It's incredible how others want to take my parents' place at all costs. In fact, they don't know how to maintain it either, resorting to confusion worthy of the most serious and justified accusations.

In fact, I feel I can't allow my father to cease being my doctor because neither he nor anyone else has seen what caused my somatization. In fact, no one has been able to pinpoint the cause except for the therapist, who has been the most qualified professional. He, along with the other doctors, have applied desperate measures to resolve the situation, completely ignoring the psychological aspect. This has resulted in a sad, unsettled fishing ground, where everyone has tried to gain ground. In fact, I fear the doctors fueled this, and so did my father, an attitude that is immature from every point of view on both sides.

I don't feel either of them acted well. In fact, I'm open about going with one of them; I would definitely go with my father. If I go with another, the issue would be more complex, in principle, because there isn't the same structured trust that has existed for many years. On top of that, another person won't be willing to listen and sacrifice as my father does. In fact, the ground where everyone has their own life is at the mercy of being exposed. Indeed, the other professionals' fight for me is touching, but if I stay with them, it's detrimental to me in the long run.

The attempt to seize power by any means is impressive, even in the field of medicine. These professionals, including my father, should be ashamed. My body can't be a seizure of power, nor should any patient's. Truly, it's disappointing. Frankly, I don't want to speak to any of these professionals again. They don't measure the impact of their actions. In fact, they should have been even more cautious than my father if they wanted to win me over. I find them all worthy of distrust.

With my father, at least there are some comforts already established, even though the bond is the same as I would have with these professionals. That's why I see myself with this one. But, if I'm honest, I wish I wasn't with either of them because neither of them is committed to being in complete harmony with me. It makes me wonder: When will a mature person come into my life? In this case, I can't take care of myself as a doctor; in fact, I don't even like that question. That's why I say there must be someone who can at least adequately assist me in this. I don't know if I'm asking for some kind of guardian angel or something like that.

Why the hell should I depend on a third party? Why me? Why can't I depend on myself? Frankly, I don't understand. I wish things were different. I wish it all depended on emotions, but that would be like living in a daze and closing the door to that person if they came along. Why can't I trust any professional to help me?

In fact, I have to confess, I feel like the psychiatrist isn't helping me. She's not doing anything. I feel like therapy is just serving as a show for the professional. I hate that I'm serving that purpose. I would like a serious professional to treat me. When will that professional arrive, for God's sake? With which professional will I ever feel truly safe?

With which professional will I ever feel truly welcomed? With which professional will I feel they are leading me in the right direction? I feel in some way that I'm searching for my father in some professional, for someone outside who resembles him, given that I no longer seek him. However, that doesn't mean I've stopped searching for his personality in another person, just as it happens with my mother, and I hadn't realized it.

I have to say it: Where will I find the model of father I want? Where will I find the model of mother I'm looking for? Does it exist? Could it be that I'm there somewhere? I have to say it: Where will I find a substitute family model for mine? Whatever it is I want? Where will I be able to live in that family I so wanted? It was always my dream to live those years that I couldn't live and that I feel I deserve to live, that I feel that life owes me no matter what, because I feel that under no circumstances was it fair to have had a family so uprooted to the point of questioning whether there really was a family and not some kind of apartment with people who were living there by pure coincidence and by the grace of fate, which is how I felt at home, with no chance for anyone to leave.

Where is that house I love so much? Where is that home I long for so much? Where will there be that place where I feel I can live my childhood again? With whom will this be possible? With whom? Who will be able to make me fulfill that dream? Will the answer exist? Will it be worth it? Is it something I could regret? Damn.

I'm tired of searching outside for that childhood I couldn't experience with others around me. Although I confess, I feel I've achieved it, and that's precisely what my submission to my father was, the debt he considered he owed me, and I can understand why he pays it today, precisely for bringing me life and for having me live all these things when the conditions weren't favorable under any circumstances because, in the beginning, there wasn't anyone stable enough to help him with his, and that was exactly what he needed. I understand the financial support, the unchecked freedom, and the heightened restraint of my feelings; These were precisely the three missing elements he always wanted to give me, but for fear of the consequences of his environment, he never succeeded. These were devastating consequences that attacked him as the family's financial supporter. These extremes weren't something he should take into account.

I have to say it. After this text, I feel like I now understand my life as it is.

Why is my laptop being weird 😔 it's like someone is watching me I'm just scared that they might do something stupid it's like they just wanna see me like wth and and am I just paranoid but why do they wanna see me and do stupid sht to my laptop but whenever I double check they dont do anything it's like they just want to watch me talk on cam. Ugghhhhhhh.

My girlfriend grew up in a deeply religious family, but around two years ago, she began having doubts. It's not that she despises the religion; she just felt it wasn’t right for her. We met a year and a half ago, and have been together for a year now. When we first met, she was still unsure, but about five months ago, she confirmed she was agnostic. She hadn’t told her parents because she wanted to be absolutely certain.

Earlier this week, we were out and bumped into her mom. She approached us and started a conversation, asking who I was since we hadn’t met before. My girlfriend hesitated, so I stepped in and introduced myself as her boyfriend and mentioned that she was no longer following their religion. Both my girlfriend and her mom were taken aback. My girlfriend asked why I revealed that information. I told her that since she had decided long ago that she wasn’t Muslim anymore and we’d been together for so long, there was no need to keep it a secret any longer.

My girlfriend and her mom walked away to talk. Her mom was shocked but said she’d come to terms with it and was just glad that my girlfriend was happy. I thought it all went well.

However, later my girlfriend messaged me saying I overstepped and it wasn’t my place to share that information. She planned to tell her parents in private when she felt ready. I argued that things turned out okay. She called me an asshole and said I betrayed her trust. Her siblings and friends, who already knew, also messaged me, accusing me of not knowing when to keep quiet.

So, even though things seemed to turn out fine... Did I mess up?

I sometimes wonder how people would react if this happened on a reality show. Would they see me as the villain for speaking up or think it was justifiable given the situation? The drama would definitely be intense.

I hate him. I hate how he makes me feel. I feel all the anger just pour into my heart when he comes around. Why do I hate him so much for so less? I always blame the abortion to be the reason but it seems like everything is pushed down. I hate how sorry he feels for himself. He sits in the bathroom, crying about how “mean” I am. I wouldn’t be mean if he didn’t keep trying to manipulate me. He lies. Lies. Lies. Lies. When I look over at him all I see is everything he’s done. He doesn’t comfort me when I cry and says it’s my own fault, because I don’t let him. He’s tired of me. I always runaway now when I’m tired. I cuss him out. I cheat back now too. Even after all of this he won’t let me go. He wants me to become an evil person so his “mistakes” and all of the shit he put me through gets swept. We’ve built this life together and started planning. Now I can’t even kiss him. I can’t even hold his hand. Whenever he touches my body I shiver in disgust. All I can think about is her. He doesn’t know how to comfort people but I’ve seen what he did for her. Just his “female best friend”. I hate all of his friends. They all are friends with his ex best friend and still hangout. I feel like I’m losing my mind trying to figure everything out. I’m trying to understand why or how. When did we go so bad? Now all we do is fight. The man I once loved is someone else.

I'm feeling a little bit sad because I'm messing all my progress with my healthy life style. I mean no junk food, go to the gym and all that stuff. I don't drink neither smoke since always because I don't like it so in that stuff I'm more than fine at least. I was doing it really great. But since june I've been eating a lot of junk food and not doing any kind of exercise and I'm truly disappointed with myself. I made a big promise and I don't wanna break it. I know can do better than this.

Due to my best friend aka the person I loved so so so so so much leaving me saying he didn't care and that I was a B I t c h I tried to kms but didn't due to the fear or pain

I hate school. It stresses me the heck out and I get social anxiety so when I have a presentation or something I either fake sick or just start crying. me and my friend both struggle with some mental health problems and it does NOT help in school at all. EVER. anyways school is really hard and its 6 freaking hours which is so so so so so so so long to just sit there and learnnnnnn

Hey there! I'm reaching out from this space because I really need to chat, but finding the right person to talk to... Well, it's complicated. I'm 19, and being a female in this rapidly evolving world sometimes feels like navigating through a maze with no clear exit... The desire for genuine conversation is strong, but I'm at a crossroads when it comes to whom I should open up to. Can you relate? I've tried reaching out to friends, family, even strangers on the internet, but something holds me back each time. It's as though there's this invisible barrier that stops me from pouring my heart out fully. Maybe it's the fear of judgment or maybe it's just the uncertainty of how they'll respond. 🤷‍♀️

I've always believed in the power of words, but it's puzzling how, in this digital age, we're more connected than ever, yet finding a genuine, open conversation feels so rare. "Isn't it ironic?" Every time I think about reaching out, I get flooded with what-ifs that make me retreat into my shell. But I'm determined!!! I want to open up and talk; to share my thoughts and feelings with someone who'd truly listen. The positivity lies in hope that someday, I will find that person who makes the interaction worthwhile.❤ In the meantime, the quest continues, and I'll keep searching for that special someone out there who resonates with my words, and somehow, makes sense of this journey; I hold onto the belief that every conversation has the potential to be a stepping stone towards understanding and connection.

How is the vibe here? :)

i feel so upset in life, i feel like things at the moment aren't going as plan, i cant be with the person I want t,. I have lost her. I feel very misunderstood at work that i had a mental breakdown on the way home. Lately I've been feeling very unwanted, I wonder if it'll be like this everyday. At times i wish maybe if i wasn't born i wouldn't have to live through this phase of negatively, and unfairness. I feel like im holding myself by a thread, i wonder how long ill keep this for i really hope i have the mental strength because i don't feel like continuing anymore. I wonder if being nice and very respectful is a bad thing now a days, i feel like because of that i have very much suffered from it. i feel used, mistreated, i pray and hope god takes me into a better path. : (