Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I never thought I’d end up here, but here I am, dreading every single morning when my alarm goes off. I hate my job. There, I said it. I’ve tried to convince myself that it’s just a phase, that everyone feels like this sometimes, but it’s been almost a year, and nothing’s changed. If anything, it’s gotten worse.

The work itself isn’t even that bad. I mean, it’s not what I’m passionate about, but it’s tolerable. The real problem is the people. My boss is one of those micro-managers who has to be involved in every tiny detail. No matter what I do, it’s never good enough. I’ll spend hours on a project, only for them to nitpick and make me redo the whole thing for no real reason. It’s exhausting and makes me feel like all my effort is pointless.

Then there’s the office culture—or lack of it. Nobody talks to each other unless it’s about work. Lunch breaks feel like detention, with everyone silently eating at their desks or scrolling through their phones. I tried to make friends when I first started, but everyone already seemed to have their little cliques. After a while, I just gave up.

What really gets to me, though, is the constant pressure. It’s like they expect us to give 110% all the time, but they don’t give anything back. Overtime is practically mandatory, but don’t expect a “thank you” or even acknowledgment for staying late. And forget about a raise or promotion—that’s a pipe dream. It’s hard not to feel bitter when you’re working so hard and getting nothing in return.

I keep telling myself I should just quit, but it’s not that simple. I’ve got bills to pay, and the job market isn’t exactly booming right now. Plus, there’s this tiny voice in the back of my head that keeps asking, “What if the next job is just as bad—or worse?” It’s like I’m stuck in this cycle where I hate my job, but I’m too scared to leave.

Even at home, I can’t seem to escape it. I’m constantly checking emails or stressing about the next deadline. It’s like my job has taken over my entire life, and I don’t know how to take it back. My family keeps telling me to just hang in there, but they don’t understand how draining it is. By the end of the day, I’m too tired to even think about applying for other jobs, let alone pursuing something I actually enjoy.

Sometimes, I wonder if it’s me. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this kind of work. Or maybe I’m being ungrateful because at least I have a job. But then I think about how miserable I am, and I can’t help but feel like there has to be more to life than this. Doesn’t there?

If anyone else feels this way, I’d love to know how you’re coping—or if you’ve managed to get out, how did you do it? Right now, I just feel stuck, and honestly, it’s hard to see a way forward. All I know is, I can’t keep living like this. Something’s gotta give.

Last weekend, my 15-year-old daughter hosted a sleepover with four of her close friends. They seemed to genuinely enjoy each other's company, and all behaved respectfully towards my husband and me. While the response from most parents post-event was appreciative and positive, one of the mothers had several criticisms concerning how the sleepover was managed.

To begin, the issue arose because the girls had decided to take a dip in our pool. When sending out the invitation, I had explicitly asked each parent if their child had permission to swim. Responses were affirmative, with exception of this particular mother who didn’t reply directly but ‘liked’ the message. I took this as a passive approval, especially knowing that these girls recently passed a compulsory swimming test in their physical education class. Moreover, my husband is a certified lifeguard, having trained and qualified under a Red Cross program, which reassured us of their safety.

The mother’s second complaint revolved around the snacks and dinner served, stating it was unhealthy. At a sleepover, some leniency with food is generally accepted and I see no harm in allowing some treats. The criticism extended to the movie selection that evening; the girls picked “The Fault In Our Stars”. Due to the mix of ages between 14 and 15, the only restriction I had set was against R-rated films. Lastly, the mother disapproved of the girls staying up until midnight. Yet, they did manage around 8.5 hours of sleep, getting up at 8:30 the next morning, which I believe is reasonable for a sleepover.

The dissatisfaction was communicated through a text from the mother the following day, thanking me for hosting but labeling my decisions as ‘questionable’ and ‘inappropriate.’ I responded politely, expressing that without clear communication of her preferences beforehand, I couldn’t have known her expectations. Her next reply chose to blame me entirely, and despite my apology to mitigate the situation, she chose not to respond.

Thinking about how these interactions would fare if it were part of a reality TV show adds an intriguing layer. There's often drama in such shows, and criticism, even trivial, can be sensationalized for entertainment. Viewers might align with either party, sparking wider debate and speculation on social media, possibly empowering or chastising one's parenting decisions publicly. Would the critique have been as severe, or would the reality TV context have amplified the drama for better storytelling?

Now, I'm left wondering, was I wrong not include stricter rules for the sleepover or to insist on clearer communication from all parents?

I am 38, male, and this is just a report, not a poem, not a cry, not a lesson, just a dump like on /vent because that is what this site is for. I wake up, I go to work, I fail quietly, I come back, I eat trash, I sleep, repeat, that is the system. I never had a girlfriend, not once, not even the fake high school one people lie about to seem normal. Women never looked at me like a person, more like furniture or a problem to avoid, and yeah I know you will say “it’s your personality” or “work on yourself” because that is the standard script, quoted endlessly like a broken motivational poster. I am not saying I deserve love, I am saying the data shows I never had it, and after 38 years the trend line is pretty clear. No close friends either, no one texting me first, no one asking how I am unless it is HR pretending to care. At work I suck, not in a dramatic way, just enough to always be behind, always be the guy who “tries” but never advances, and you know what happens to guys like that. People say life is about “small joys” and “gratitude” but that sounds like marketing language invented to sell books to losers like me. Objectively speaking, if you remove romance, social validation, and competence, what is left that makes this worth repeating every day.

I am not writing this to shock you, I am writing it because I am tired of pretending this is some deep mystery. Men like me are told to shut up and improve or die quietly, and women are framed as prizes we failed to unlock, which makes everyone worse. I can be rude about it because honesty is rude now. When you go decades without touch, without being chosen, without even being hated passionately, it does something boring to your brain, not tragic, just empty. People quote Nietzsche or Camus about meaning, like “one must imagine Sisyphus happy”, but Sisyphus at least had a story and an audience. I have a cubicle and a login. Therapy is another quote machine, more phrases like “reframe your narrative” and “challenge your assumptions”, as if this is a creative writing class and not a statistical dead end. Women don’t owe me anything, fine, but reality doesn’t owe me hope either, so why is hope mandatory. This is the part where someone says “it gets better” with zero evidence, or links a study, or tells me to lift weights, as if muscle mass fixes being invisible. I am not angry all the time, I am tired, which is different and more permanent; do you really think repeating an unwinnable routine counts as living.

Here is the clean version, stripped of drama and insults, like a lab note. Subject is 38, male, isolated, underperforming, unloved, future probability of change low based on past behavior. External incentives minimal. Internal motivation degraded. That is it. I am not standing on a bridge, I am sitting at a desk typing because typing fills time. People confuse questioning life with wanting to die, but those are not identical, one is philosophical and one is logistical. I can ask “what is the point of living” the same way someone asks “what is the point of this job” without planning to quit today. Still, if you are reading this, answer honestly, not kindly, not with slogans. If you had my stats, my face, my history, my absence of proof that effort pays off, would you continue out of principle alone. Or is life just something we keep doing because stopping would make other people uncomfortable. I read quotes, I read threads, I read success stories, and they all assume a baseline I never had. Maybe the point is just to run the clock until it ends, maybe there is no point and we are supposed to admit that, maybe meaning is a luxury item. I don’t know, and I am not asking for rescue, I am asking for accuracy. If the answer is “there is no point but you do it anyway”, say that. If the answer is “there is a point and you missed it”, say that too. I am detached enough to hear it.

Well I met her for the first time in university, we were not friends right away it took us some time to become friends and now we are best friends, let's call her Lily It's been a year or so, I don't usually trust people but I gave her a chance I still don't know why, I never had this strong feeling about her betraying me.

Lately, something happened between us but before that let me tell you what kind of friendship we have: (I have financial problems and someone spending money on me is a big deal for me but it is her love language according to her) She is from a rich family so she takes me out and pays without even asking me, there are multiple occasions I insisted on paying she did not let me, I tell her that I feel bad it feels like I am using her for money. Still, she would tell me it was fine and all I usually back out whenever she offered to go out and eat but she told me she does not have any other friends who would treat her like me, I am just honest about things and she is quite dumb when making serious decisions. Hence, she asks for my help mostly and trusts me that I won't misguide her and I try my entire best to not misguide her, I don't give her advice that she should choose this or that I just tell her that these are choices and these are their consequences if possible she decides by herself.

now there is this other friend of ours who we will call Cactus (yes I don't like him )

he is very manipulative and he likes to be the center of attention always, he wants us to treat him like royalty even when he is the one needing our help remind you this is a grown-ass adult who might be around 25 he is older than both of us by 5 to 6 years, he has this massive ego which is very fragile.

well, Lily is very easily manipulated like very easily, if you tell her she did wrong even tho she didn't she will think she did wrong. and like I said it's her love language to spend money on people around her, she used to pay for cactus's food initially later she stopped Idk why,

whenever I tell her that Cactus is making me feel left out and I don't enjoy sitting with him and all, she understands not always but usually and we both would sit separately, I don't mind sitting alone but she won't leave me, even tho in the start she was closer to cactus than with me, but she would leave with me

this made Cactus not like me(I would be ignored in group conversations and all, and he made me feel lonely ), he thinks I'm the one telling her not to sit with him, I prefer to have as few people around me as possible while cactus wants us to sit with a huge crowd like 15 to 20 people, I don't enjoy large companies nor do I tell lily to tag along with me I don't mind it because I get overwhelmed with all these people and then cactus targeting me in front of all. there are multiple occasions he blamed me for Lily's actions, lily did defend me on multiple occasions but sometimes they were not enough she does not let me get away from him she knows I prefer not to argue over little things that's why I ignore him

cactus not only targets me he also doesn't like another girl,l Rose, cactus knows about her past mistakes and all, but he also used to tell BS behind her back all the time, he is so manutiplive he made her appear like a very bad person in front of her, later on, we girls started to hang out which made both me and lily realize she is not at all like what we heard from cactus instead we got to know that he is backbiting behind every single of us with one another,

there was this scene that was the main cause of my and Lily's downfall or so I think

some other friends including Lily were studying together there came the cactus along with a friend who is a damn creep, they asked us to let them join us for studying (cactus is not at all good at studying nor does he puts effort in studying but he acts almighty like "see I didn't study properly and still cleared the course" I'm like yea sure if grace marks are considered good sure be proud of yourself)

a day before this cactus asked me if I would help me study I said yes because it would help me revise too we had this conversation fofourike 4 times in a single day and every time I told him k I would help you out when I was done with the group study, what happened was that he was constantly disturbing and was annoying, others who were studying told him not to do it I did too I was exactly yelling or screaming or anything this sort I just was telling him to stop he didn't listen, creep whisper something in his ear and they got up and went away, then I did with my study I asked him over texts that I'm free, he told me that he was there to study not anymore I said okay whatever you want,

he called Lily and told her that I was extremely rude to him in front of all the people and that I think he won't be able to study without me, and even in texts, I was rude to him.

She texted me defending him over me even tho she was present there too that I wasn't the only one telling him to shut up or go away, she didn't believe me she said yea you were rude to him especially, I was devasted I responded normally like okay we will talk about this later.

I hated that she refused to believe me over him and she knows I never refuse anyone if they want me to help them out in studying and nor do I say things like they need me to help them or else they won't have a chance, she believed him.

I overlooked this but there is a thing that happened it's not related to me or Lily, it's about Rose well cactus knows her secrets and all (I don't judge her on anything those were mistakes or simply just her choices she didn't hurt anyone with these choices)

he had told everyone about it rose is unaware that people who she thinks are her friends are always judging her every move, the creepy friend of Cactus said something so terrible about Rose in front of Lily and Cactus, Lily told him off and not to say such things while cactus was laughing

Lily told me about it, and I told Rose about it because it was so terrible, and if I were in her shoes I would want to know about their true colors too

Lily got mad at me saying that she trusted me on this, i am wrong here in that I broke Lily's trust and told Rose about it, i did it in front of Lily to avoid any misunderstanding, i apologized to Lily for this but I don't regret telling rose about his true colors rose showed us cactus's chats with her being a sweet innocent man praising her and all while telling us the exact opposite of this, later lily said something I will never forget she said "cactus talks about rose behind her back and all but he is my friend he doesn't do it behind so it does not matter to me "

I was shocked to my core, cactus tells everyone about everyone's secret even his girlfriend's and she thinks he will not do this to her

what should I do now I'm scared to leave Lily alone with him, he will do unthinkable things, and she won't even realize

but I don't want to be around him

ik I broke her trust but rose does not deserve any of this either why should she suffer just because cactus wants to look like Mr know it all

I don’t kno when it started exactly. Maybe it was innocent at first, just little jokes, casual convos, a few laughs here and there. But now, I feel like there’s somthing more, something I don’t really wanna admit to myself. I’m a married man, been with my wife for years, we built a life together, and I still love her—I really do. But lately, there’s this thing with my coworker, and I can’t ignore it. It’s not like I’m doing anything, not really. We just talk a lot, joke around, sometimes she texts me after work about random stuff. And I know it’s harmless—I mean, we don’t touch, we don’t cross any big lines. But if it’s all so harmless, then why do I feel guilty? Why do I delete some of our messages before I get home? Why do I think about her when I’m laying in bed next to my wife?

I keep tellin myself it’s not cheating, because there’s no actual act, no betrayal in the way people usually think about it. But then I wonder… if the roles were reversed, if I saw my wife laughing with some guy at her job the way I do with this coworker, if she was gettin texts late at night, if she was goin out of her way to look just a little bit nicer when she knew she’d see him—would I be okay with that? No. No way. And that’s the part that’s messing with me. I know I’m playing with fire, even if it’s just a tiny spark right now. Maybe nothing will ever happen, maybe it’ll just stay this light, playful thing. But what if it doesn’t? What if one day I cross a line I can’t uncross? What if I already have, and I just don’t wanna admit it?

I tell myself that it’s natural, that everyone flirts a little, that it doesn’t mean anything. I mean, just because I enjoy talking to her, just because I look forward to seeing her, just because my heart beats a little faster when she compliments me—that doesn’t make me a bad guy, right? Maybe I’m just craving attention in a way I didn’t realize before. Marriage is great, but after years together, it’s easy to feel… unnoticed. My wife and I are comfortable, we have our routines, and I know she loves me, but sometimes it doesn’t feel new anymore. But this coworker? She laughs at my jokes like they’re actually funny, she notices little things about me, she makes me feel like I still got that charm. And damn, it feels good to feel wanted.

But then the guilt creeps back in, and I start wonderin—is flirting cheating? I know what the “right” answer is, what people say it is. But in reality? It’s not always so black and white. Because it’s not just about what you do, it’s about what you feel. And if I’m already feeling this guilty, maybe I already have my answer. Maybe I just don’t wanna face it.

For over a decade, I've been married to my husband, and throughout our marriage, his parents have been a continual source of stress. Recently, their intrusive behaviors escalated. Originally living in another state, they moved closer, positioning themselves midway between us and my husband's sister, making spontaneous visits a regular occurrence. These unannounced stopovers, where they would arrive at our doorstep expecting to stay several days, have always been a major inconvenience for me.

Preparing our home for guests is no small feat, especially with children. I've asked my husband numerous times to request that his parents inform us ahead of their visits or consider staying at a hotel, but he dismisses my concerns. Since he's usually occupied with work during their stays, the bulk of host duties—and accompanying stress—falls squarely on my shoulders.

Religion adds another layer of complexity to our interactions. My in-laws are devout Christians, while I identify more loosely with my Catholic upbringing. This difference in beliefs often puts me in uncomfortable situations, especially when they insist on overt religious practices like praying before meals and engage our children in discussions about faith that I find premature and imposing.

Beyond the personal intrusions, they also depend heavily on me for technical assistance—from updating their devices to handling online forms—since they recently sold their home and moved even closer, under an hour away. Their reliance on me has grown, disrupting my schedule and personal life even further.

Fed up, I told my husband that he needs to take on more responsibility in managing his parents' needs. This led to arguments and tension, as he faced the reality of balancing work with family obligations. Recently, when his mother requested immediate help with an online bill, I set a boundary, offering to assist on a specific day. She was not pleased, and their demands continued, leading to further conflicts between my husband and me, culminating in him outrageously suggesting divorce over these disputes.

Now, imagine if my scenario were showcased on a reality show. The cameras would capture every tense interaction and dramatic family dinner. Viewers would likely be split—some empathizing with my desire for boundaries, others perhaps viewing me as unreasonable. The pressure of public opinion might even force us to address these issues more constructively, or it could escalate the drama even further. How would my husband and his parents react to the world scrutinizing their every move? Would the added visibility bring us closer to a resolution, or push us further to the brink?

I am not his parents' keeper and refuse to be treated as such. It's time for my husband and his siblings to step up and share the responsibility.

Was I wrong for setting boundaries with my in-laws?

This sort of involves two things so basically, i had a maths test which i had been away to learn one of the topics and this topic took up two pages of my five page test, so i skipped the pages and i wouldn't say i did particularly well on the rest three so my estimated score is 20-30 percent. Im in one of the two advanced maths classes and my teacher is trash but that's not the point.

Today i heard from my friend who is in the other advanced maths class and before they had even gotten their results for the same test, their teacher literally announced the worse scores and who got them IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS, WITH THE GOAL OF HUMILIATING THEM. The person who got the lowest score, I'll call him James, he got a 50 percent score. Keep in mind that it's advanced so it's basically a 60-70 percent standard score. The teacher bullied him in class. Literally. She purposely picked on him to answer questions with just a "you know why I'm picking you". In the school hallway, she pointed at him and said "look it's the boy who brought the class average down" and a whole lot of similar stuff. On Friday after another humiliating comment was thrown at him by the teacher, James snapped and shouted back. The teacher apologised after but i don't think that this sort of behaviour is excusable with just an apology. If a student were to ridicule another student the same way that she had, they would've faced a detention at least. And the fact that she didn't think of a way to help James, she just ridiculed him is disgusting and not something a teacher should do. She never thought that maybe the student wasn't bad, It was her teaching that was the problem.

That exact teacher is my homeroom tutor. Tomorrow we get our results but she probably already knows mine and i don't even want to imagine what she'll do to me if she did that to James who got a 50. Im not in her maths class, I'm in her pcg. She keeps saying to me that i better get a 100 because i skipped the swimming carnival.

I don’t understand it. My son is 10 years old, and to the outside world, he’s the sweetest, most polite kid ever. Teachers love him, other parents compliment me on how well-mannered he is, and whenever we go somewhere, he’s always the one saying “thank you” and “please” and acting like a perfect angel. But the second we’re alone, the second we get home and the door closes—it’s like he’s a completely different child. He snaps at me, rolls his eyes, sighs like everything I say is the most annoying thing in the world. I ask him to do something, and it’s “ugh, do I have to??” or “why can’t you do it yourself?” but if his teacher asks? Oh, he’s doing it without a problem. If his friend’s mom tells him something, he listens immediately. But me? The person who does everything for him? I get attitude. I get disrespect. And I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

I try so hard to be patient, to not take it personally, but honestly? It hurts. I see the way he is with others, how easy it is for him to be kind and gentle with everyone except me, and I start questioning everything. Am I too strict? Too soft? Am I doing something that makes him resent me? I read all these articles saying “kids act out with their parents because they feel safe”, but I’m sorry, that doesn’t make it easier. Knowing that he trusts me enough to let out his emotions doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting when he rolls his eyes at me like I’m the most annoying person on earth. I know kids push boundaries with their parents, I get it. But when your own child treats strangers better than the person who loves him the most? It’s a different kind of pain. And it makes me scared, scared that one day, when he’s older, this won’t stop. That he’ll always see me as the one person he doesn’t have to be kind to.

I’ve tried talking to him about it. I’ve asked him why he acts this way, why he can be so good for everyone else but not for me. And every time, I get the same answer—"I don't know." Like, he genuinely doesn't think about it. It’s not like he’s making some big decision to treat me worse than everyone else, it just happens. And maybe that’s the problem. Maybe he’s so used to me being here, being his person, the one who will love him no matter what, that he doesn’t feel like he has to be nice. But why does that make it okay? Why does unconditional love mean I have to be the emotional punching bag? I’m his mother, not his verbal stress ball.

I love my son more than anything, but some days, it’s hard not to feel unappreciated. Some days, I wish he could see how much effort I put in, how much I give to make sure he’s happy, safe, taken care of. I wish he would look at me the way he looks at his teachers, his friend’s parents, the nice lady at the grocery store. But most of all? I wish I knew that this is just a phase. That one day, he’ll realize how much I love him, how much I’ve done, and he’ll choose to be kind to me the same way he is to everyone else. Because right now? Right now, I feel like I’m giving my whole heart to someone who barely notices.

OKKK SO we all know how YouTube works pay u for ur videos. Okk so like I actually have lots of YouTube ideas 😭 BUT I CANT DO VOICE OVERS and my phone barely has any storage to have all those clips and editing. So like is there a way like I can like get hired for my ideas? Like they have a yt channel and what to start but don’t have ideas. If something like this exist is there a way to yk find them!? I’d totally ask this on Reddit but I’m scared of that app ✌️so basically it’s like hiring an editor for ur yt videos but yk HIRING THE IDEAS GUY

When my daughter, Emily, celebrated her 20th birthday, she had already been battling significant health challenges for nearly eight years. From major depressive disorder to social anxiety, and even grappling with anorexia and body dysmorphic disorder amidst two autoimmune conditions, her path had not been smooth. As her parent, I have been deeply involved in her care, and when her therapist suggested that an Emotional Support Animal (ESA) might benefit her, I agreed. Though I'm not a fan of animals personally, I saw the potential benefits for Emily's mental and emotional health.

For her 16th birthday, we welcomed a dog into our home named Juniper. It might sound dramatic, but Juniper transformed Emily’s life. She became more independent, her self-esteem flourished, and she visibly brightened. Now, four years later, she's not only juggling her college studies with impressive grades, but she also works as a part-time tutor and volunteers with the elderly—achievements that fill me with immense pride.

However, an unfortunate incident occurred recently that has thrown our peaceful life into chaos. Juniper escaped from our home and was tragically hit by a car in front of our house. After rushing her to the vet, we faced the grim reality that her recovery would require surgery costing around $2,000. Despite my comfortable salary, spending such a sum on what I considered a fading investment seemed unjustifiable, especially considering Juniper's age and potential for lifelong disability post-surgery.

In what I thought was a considered and humane decision, I opted for euthanasia. But when I informed Emily of this decision, she was devastated. She pleaded, offering her savings and promising to work more to cover the costs, but I refused. The potential impact on her mental health—and the possibility that she would have to sacrifice her volunteering, which had significantly aided her recovery—weighed heavily on me. My decision was final, even if Emily couldn't see the reasoning behind it. We went through with the euthanasia, making sure Juniper was surrounded by love till the end.

Upon our return, we found an inconsolable Emily. I tried to impart some hard-earned wisdom about the harsh realities of life, but communication broke down, and now she isn’t speaking to me. I can’t help but wonder if I should have involved her more in the decision or at least allowed her to say goodbye. While I remain conflicted, I also feel that Juniper had fulfilled her role in improving Emily’s quality of life, considering the relatively short time they spent together.

Imagine if this situation were unfolding on a reality TV show. The cameras would capture every tear and tense conversation, providing a raw, unfiltered look at our family's crisis. Viewers might be split, with some sympathizing with my protectiveness over Emily’s mental health and others vilifying me for my seemingly cold decision-making. The drama would certainly draw attention, but the real challenge would be maintaining our dignity and privacy in the inevitable backlash.

Recently I’ve found out I have something called aphantasia, this is where you don’t have a “mental image”. When I close my eyes I don’t actually physcially see anything, which I thought was the norm. I don’t know why, but this has been seriously getting to me. I feel like there’s something wrong with me, and it compounds to making me feel worse because why am I so upset I don’t see pictures when I close my eyes? Also on top of that, I was preparing to go on a dmt trip, something I was so excited for, only to learn people with aphantasia are far less likely to ever break through.

So basically here’s a short summary

I’m in a relationship with my gf and we’ve been together for about 3 years now and honestly it hasn’t been good. Iv been giving 90% and only ever getting 10% and it’s been like this for the past 3 years almost. Anyways this summer I got a new job and met this new friend and the minute we got together we clicked so fast and idk I kinda started to become physically and emotionally attracted to her. I started to really developed feelings for her and everything. I have to mention this new girl also has a gf. Well the summer ended but they hired me as a staff for another program that this girl is always involved in. So we started this new job again and she was there and we got even closer over the summer. We would text each other and everything and made plans to hang out outside of work and sometimes we would go grocery shopping together. We would text at like 4 am if we couldn’t sleep and just keep each other company. Well 2 weeks ago on Wednesday we had a really heart to heart conversation about life and I basically almost cried and she told me how much she cared about me and everything and then last Friday 2 days later she went cold and just refused to talk to me and it went on for week untill last Friday until I got the courage to speak to her because she’s been ignoring me and when she talks to me she told me how coworkers can’t be friends and how it’s not okay how close we got but I don’t get it I just don’t get it. She’s was friends with all her other coworkers but when it comes to me it’s different. It just hurts so much because I know I’m a shitty person for liking a girl while I’m in a relationship but she meant a lot to me and before she was my friend and I just miss my friend and the person I was able to trust, she told me she called about me and turned on me and I’m just so hurt

I'm not really sure how to write/explain this, so this story will probably be very messy and not make a whole lot of sense.

I am currently 19 years old, and I feel like I have nothing and everything. I feel as if I could go out and get anything I ever wanted like money or assets or whatever, but the one thing I actually want is someone who actually cares about me.

Over the years, interactions with friends and family never felt like they were talking/hanging with me, rather they felt like they were doing it out of pity. I have always felt like people I care about don't really care about me, and these feelings are only reinforced by a lot of old friends and family suddenly leaving me.

I used to have a few childhood friends. I used to be a huge extrovert back then when I was a kid. Two of my childhood friends, April and Suzy, "cut" contact with me. They didn't really cut contact with me completely, I still have contact with Suzy, but we never talk. April is a huge introvert so I never talked to her when we got older. Whenever I talked to Suzy she always gave me dry responses and conversations only lasted a few minutes if that. I used to think she was just busy but she eventually just straight up told me she didn't want to talk to me. I still have no idea what I did or said to make her suddenly hate me. I don't even know if she really does hate me.

The same situation somewhat applies to my parents, that I feel like they don't really care about me. When I was a kid, my parents always argued over everything, sometimes they argued with my brother. I was never part of these arguments since I was so young at the time. All I remember is the only time my parents would interact would be more arguing or if it was dinner time. The only time I really did anything with my parents was during holidays like christmas. I never saw my mom during christmas or thanksgiving, since she went somewhere else for holidays. My dad would tell me she was cheating or that she didn't care enough about me to go to holidays with my dad. During Christmas I remember the tree being filled with presents. I never really wanted to open any of them. To me they felt like toys I would get bored of in ten minutes, reinforced by the fact that at the time my parents would say they were from santa. I would always rip open the presents and after they were all open I would go play with my new stuff and my parents would go back to doing what they did every other day. My dad would watch football and my mom would watch netflix. I have no idea what my brother would do since he was always out doing something.

To be honest, I hate my brother. He's trans and goes by she/her now, but I respect him so little as a person that I don't bother with his pronouns, especially considering how angry he gets when someone misgenders him and the fact that he just sucks as a person. I respect pronouns but specifically not his.

I think the hate for my brother started when I was about 8 or 9. He would always try and get me to do stuff and boss me around for no reason. He would also try and get me in trouble all the time, in hopes my dad would beat me. My dad is old fashioned so he would beat us if we fucked up. I think I really started to hate him when I was in my early teens. This was when my mom and brother had moved out, and my mom had custody of me. My brother took the role of the punisher for some reason so when ever I messed up he would be the one to punish me, usually by taking my xbox or phone away. But sometimes he would do it just because he could. My brother was a lot bigger than me, and he would take my stuff just because he wanted to, and would always make up some excuse about how it was "my fault" my stuff was getting taken. I remember breaking into his room to get my stuff back and running off to my dads house so he wouldnt be able to take my stuff.

I also kinda hate my dad. He's really old fashioned, and he was raised by farms people and grew up in the country rather than the city. I think my hate for him started when he had his stroke. He lost control of his left arm and left leg, and completely gave up on physical therapy. To this day he doesn't have control of his leg or arm and he might as well be an amputee or something. He uses his disability and the fact that he is my dad as an excuse to make me do stuff like cooking and his laundry. He basically treats me like a slave rather then a genuine person. All I ever do when I'm at his house is do my own thing till he eventually calls for me and makes me do some random chore for him. The only thing I remember him doing was buying gifts for me and being done with me. Even today that hasn't really changed. He still does nothing but watch TV and basically never talks to me. Even when we do talk it's always about him, and if we ever argue, and I make a valid point, he just completely shuts down and stops talking.

I'm not really sure if I hate my mom or not. I've been with her for most of my life since she was the one that had custody of me when my parents broke up. Me and my mom always had to move somewhere new. We probably moved into about 4 apartments and 2 houses in total. I never got to make any real friends because of it and eventually just gave up on trying to make friends. My mom was always watching TV just like my dad and I always was in my room doing whatever I felt like doing that day. I really don't have anything to say about my mom. She always kinda felt like a background character in a show rather then someone who was involved in the story.

I have always felt like that people don't really care about me. I wish I could bring it up to people but everyone would tell me off and I'd be better off talking to a brick wall. I have felt suicidal recently and have become more self destructive. I know I should seek therapy, but I'm not going back to the psych ward again, not now.

I'd write more but I have stuff to do, and If I went into every detail about how everything sucked I'd be here all day. I would be writing a book at that point.

Or maybe I should rephrase it being ‘alone’ yk I might just be saying this bc of my situation like I sit alone at school no friends but yk I have kinda learnt to deal with it and I’m still bothered but it doesn’t make me that sad anymore. Ok so the main thing in jan I posted a video saying ‘I want a movie where they idolised being alone instead of always makimg it seem like a bad thing’ with the caption- where the characters ACTUALLY have no friends and are still happy and surprising it did get a lot of views and comments 😭 but it was controversial in the comments apparently? Like some people were saying ‘cause it is depressing ? 💀’ others were saying like ‘no it’s not. We don’t always need to be with people’ OK LIKE I GET WHY SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE ‘humans need connection’ but just hear me out. Like believe me I HAVE tried making friends like I’ve gone up to a girl abd was like hey and whe low-key looked uncomfortable 😭 still regret doing it and just yesterday I tried again she was AWKWARD like hopefully u get what I’m saying like yes I’m sure that whole human connection thing makes sense but yk some people just don’t have good people in their lives. And BRO FONT GETME STARTED ON MY MOTHER. Like when I told her I have no one in school that I just sat alone she was like why don’t u try? like that’s not normal! We need people u need to change your mindset! But u see the thing is like bro I have kinda changed my mindset to not needing people bro if I badly wanted people till now my mental health will have become so bad🙏 like I kinda hope u understand my perseptive of wanting a movie like this? Like a character who has no friends and still is happy yk their entire life is based around others. I don’t wnat advice on making friends IVE TRIED I want to be truly happy alone

you know that saying "this too shall pass"? yeah, I see it everywhere and honestly, I’m kinda over it. I mean, do we really need a reminder that tough times won’t last forever? like, it’s kinda obvious, right? last week, I had one of those days where nothing goes right. I spilled coffee all over my favorite shirt, got stuck in traffic, and then my boss dropped a ton of work on me out of nowhere. it was just one of those moments where I wanted to scream. I remember sitting at my desk, feeling totally overwhelmed, and hearing my coworker say, "remember, this too shall pass." I smiled, but inside I was rolling my eyes, like seriously? you think I don’t know that? I know life is a rollercoaster, ups and downs and all that jazz, but it doesn’t make it easier when you’re in the middle of a low point. sometimes, you just want to vent without the pep talk. I get that people mean well, but it feels like such a cliché, ya know? just last month, I had a really rough breakup. like, it turned my world upside down. I was crying at all the random places, even in my car at red lights. one of my friends kept saying, “this too shall pass,” and I wanted to yell, “yes, but right now I’m just holding on to the box of ice cream and my sad playlist!” it’s frustrating when you just need someone to listen instead of throwing out some generic phrase. have you felt that way? sometimes it’s hard to see the light when you’re deep in the mud. I totally understand and appreciate the sentiment behind those words, but sometimes, I just want to wallow a little bit, you know? life feels like it’s throwing all sorts of curveballs, and every time I hear that phrase, it feels like yet another reminder that I'm stuck in this moment. so what if I want to sit in it for a while? sometimes I think it’d be nice to just let it all out and not have to hear someone telling me it’ll be okay. why can’t we just be real about how we feel sometimes? the world isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. it’s messy. you feel hurt, frustrated, and sometimes downright exhausted. that’s totally normal, right? my sister always tells me that life’s a marathon, not a sprint, and while I get that, dang, sometimes I just want to hurl my running shoes out the window and take a break on the couch with chips and a good show. it’s like we have this pressure to carry on and act like everything’s fine when really, it’s just not. I remember last year when I was stuck in a rut and couldn’t figure out what the heck to do with my life. friends would say, “hang in there; this too shall pass!” and I’d just nod, thinking to myself, "like, can you see I’m not actually hanging in there?" I wanted someone to recognize that my struggle was valid. we all deal with stuff differently. crying it out doesn’t mean we’re weak, and feeling frustrated doesn’t mean we’re not handling things. everyone has their moments, and I really think it’s okay to feel bad sometimes, without someone reminding us it’ll get better. like, when will it get better? I guess we just have to ride the waves and deal with it together. even when I see those words pop up again, in a post or a text, I’ll probably roll my eyes again. but I’ll also try to remember that everyone's just trying to support each other, even if it feels a little off sometimes. does that make sense? it’s tough, but I guess we just take it step by step, right?