Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

ive always been different. even when i was little i noticed it. i had meltdowns at school and sometimes i would run out of the classroom. everything got too loud and too confusing. kids stayed away from me. some were scared. i got bullied a lot. it made me think something was wrong with me.

i wanted friends. i wanted to be like everyone else. but i didnt know how. it felt like i missed out on learning something everyone else just knew. my parents tried to help. they got me on meds and into therapy. it didnt fix how alone i felt. it just made me feel guilty for being a problem.

growing up i barely had any friends. most of the time i was by myself. even in high school, when it seemed like everyone had groups and plans and people to count on, i had maybe two or three people i could really trust. and even then i was scared. i felt like if they ever knew the real me, they might leave too. and if they did, i would have no one.

im bi but i dont tell people. its not because im ashamed. its because im terrified of losing the little bit of connection i have. i know if i tell the wrong person, i could lose the only friends i trust. and if that happens, thats it. im alone again. completely. and i dont know if i can handle that. id rather hide it and keep something than be honest and lose everything.

the only thing that worked for me was baseball. when i played, i wasnt different. i was just part of a team. ive played since i was a kid. no vacations, no parties, no normal stuff. just baseball.

for a while that was enough.

now i know im probably not going to make it. im not getting drafted. im not going to play pro. and i dont know what to do without it. it was never just a game to me. it was my whole life.

now im studying accounting. im good at numbers, maybe because of my autism. people say its a smart choice. they say it will get me a good job. but i dont like it. its just surviving. working and paying bills and doing it all again the next day. i hate it. i hate that dreams dont matter unless they make money.

i thought about coaching but it doesnt pay enough. so i have to give that up too.

i feel stuck most days. like i missed too much already and now im building a life that wont make me happy. people told me i was going to do great things. and now if im not the best at something, i feel like im nothing.

i dont talk about this much. i dont want to make it anyone elses problem. i dont want to just survive. i want to actually live.

i really need someone to talk to

i’m a 16 year old girl, laying in my bed, and something is genuinely fucked in my head- people say that for attention and people say that like they want it but this isn’t that- for the past 6 years i’ve had extreme antisocial tendencies as proclaimed by my psychiatrist, and i just don’t know what to do. i feel stuck. i don’t know how to change in an environment that insists that i cannot and never will. i really just need someone to talk to; i told a real life friend, they thought i was insane. i need the anonymity.

I hate my life so fucking much.

For the last 4 months I have been feeling so depressed, numb and alone and every night I sittl in my bed thinking to myself what has my life come to and I in the last 3-4 months I have had at least 2 mental breakdown a week ( that isn't me trying to flex in any way ) and cryed multiple times some times to the point I can't breathe or I fall asleep. This has oveousley been since I started college last September and my mental health just went down hill as I wasn't and still am not going the right support at college for my mental health and just over all my other needs That are clearly stated in my EHCP . The only thing I actually asked for and got was a laptop which I have load till June and the only sort of help I get is on a Thursday and Friday form an member of staff . when I should have someone on a Wednesday which again I did. But sadly it only lasted till the October half term as they gave that person to someone else and lefft me with no one and the worst thing about this hole situation is the or staff members of the support system at the college have been lieing to the support person I have on a Thursday and Friday by saying that I have had help in my lesson when that particular starf members wasn't with me and that is all day every Wednesday. I know it's not there fault or mine but surely they know what students need help. I must admit that every Wednesday when I get home from college I end up helping my mum with jobs then I go up to my room and sit on my phone untill it's time for dinner then I do other jobs around the house then got back up to my room and sit on my phone until it's time for me to go to bed. But I don't full asleep straight away or at all as I'm normally up until about 1-2:00in the morning as I end up having more than one panic attack or a meltdown because I'm so overwhelmed or I will cry myself to sleep..

side note the reason I have an EHCP is because I have Adhd.

and as some of you may know 5days before Christmas I got the devastating news that my nan that live in Weymouth sadly passed away and it didn't hit me hard at first but it sertenly has now and I'm feeling so incredibly numb, depressed and lost. and I just can't amagen how I will get through this year and the coming day as we all find out when her funeral is going to be and how I will cope when I'm at her funeral or when I'm back at college.

I have had this weird feeling for a few years now, but I kinda disregarded it bc idk it doesn't feel like much, but its honestly kinda unbearable. Its like I feel like sad and depressed inside but I cant like feel it besides this pit in my stomach and tightness in my throat. Its like the emotions are stuck and I cant just feel them and get them over with like I do with other ones. idk if its leftover from a few years ago, but I hate it so much because its not enough of a bad feeling that I give myself grace, but I deffinetly don't feel happy or calm or even nutural. I just want to feel sad or happy not this weird in between where I cant feel anything.

I hate my friendgroup. I'm talking to one friend, ok, and we're just chilling. Then one of my other friends come over and it's like I don't even exist anymore. Some are worse than others (Friend list follows: A, B, M, T, H, J, A2), like B will comepletely ignore me and then start yapping with H and T like nothing happened, and J and A are better, although once they start talking about Genshin Impact I'm gone in the background again. A2 is the only friend I have that doesn't make me feel invisible, and I cherish her for that. Right now I'm sitting in Band Class and T and B (the only friends I have in band) are sitting halfway across the room, talking to each other. They haven't glanced my way once, and only T has spoken to me and it was only briefly until she saw B sitting over there and moved to talk to him. I just hate being invisible. Why is it ME who has to be invisible? like, me and B used to be best friends. What in the world happened? Was it The Great Split, as I've taken to calling it? (that was when our friendgroup split into two parts, I've talked about the split on here before, it's not exactly a new thing.) B, T, and H are all on the same half... is that why they won't talk to me? But they still talk to the rest of our half, I see them talking with A, J, and M all the time. So what is it with me that I'm just invisible to them? and it's not just them, I'm invisible to my own half as well. I talk with A and J and M a lot more than I talk with the other three, but I'm kind of invisible to M a lot, and as I said before, once A and J bring up Genshin Impact there's no point in trying to be visible anymore. And not to mention the fact that I sometimes third wheel A and M. (they're dating.) I cherish all my friendships, but it seems like a lot of them are ending and there's nothing I can do about it except just watch as everything crumbles and dies. I'm forever alone, except when A2 is there. She's awesome. But I swear I can't anymore with this friendgroup. My legs are covered in fresh scars, because at night I can't see the light at the end of this ridiculously long tunnel. My story may come to an end sooner than I'd like to admit. All I want right now is someone's loving arms around me, telling me that things will be ok, that things will go back to the way they used to be, that I'll never be invisible again, that time is going to rewind to the good old days when nobody was invisible and nobody was depressed and everybody was heard and loved and supported but I don't have that person telling me all those things so nothing will be ok nothing at all and I just can't take anymore my story needs to end and when it does everyone will go back and read it and say "good riddance, that story was horrible" and they won't miss me and I can tell they're all waiting to see the end and I just can't do this anymore and if I can't end my story I'll continue it somewhere that isn't SC.

It’s honestly one of the hardest things to talk about, and I didn’t really understand it until it happened to my best friend. Her dog, Luna, passed away two weeks ago, and I swear I’ve never seen her so heartbroken. Like full-on crying for days, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, barely wanted to talk to anyone. At first I didn’t even know what to say. I mean, what do you say when someone loses a pet that meant everything to them? People always act like it’s “just a dog” or “just a cat” but to the person who lost them, it’s like losing family. And Luna was family to her. She grew up with that dog. They did everything together—walks after school, cuddles on the couch, even birthday photos. So yeah, when Luna died, it was like something huge went missing from her world, and all I could think was, “I hope I don’t say the wrong thing.”

I made the mistake of googling stuff first, trying to find the perfect words. But all the suggestions online felt so cold or fake. Stuff like “she’s in a better place” or “at least she’s not suffering anymore.” I didn’t wanna say those things. They felt empty. So instead, I just told her I was sorry, and that I was there if she wanted to talk—or not talk. I let her cry without trying to fix it. I didn’t push her to go out or “cheer up.” I think sometimes people try too hard to take away the pain, but the truth is, grief needs time. Whether it's for a human or an animal, loss is loss. So I sat with her, even if we just stared at the wall or watched TV in silence. I brought her favorite snack and let her tell me stories about Luna, even the ones I’d heard a hundred times.

And honestly, I think that helped more than any fancy words could. Just being there, showing you care without making it about you or trying to make the sadness go away. That’s what I’ve learned so far—when someone loses a pet, you don’t need to come with a perfect speech. You just need to show up with love and patience. Let them grieve in their own way. One of the only things I did say that felt right was, “She was lucky to have you.” And my friend cried even more when I said that, but not in a bad way. I think it helped her know that Luna’s life was full of love, and that she gave her dog the best she could. That kinda thing matters. Sometimes we blame ourselves, thinking maybe we could’ve done more. So hearing someone else say “you did good” can really make a difference.

Now that it’s been a little while, she’s still sad, but it’s not as heavy as before. She’s started smiling again, even laughing sometimes. I think she’s gonna be okay, but I know she’ll always miss Luna. And that’s okay too. Pets aren’t just pets. They’re companions, comfort, joy, and unconditional love all rolled into one. Losing them is real grief, and it deserves real compassion. So if you’re ever in that position, where someone you care about has lost their furry best friend—just be gentle. Say you’re sorry, listen more than you talk, and don’t rush them to move on. Grief isn’t a straight line, and love doesn’t end just because someone is gone. Whether they barked, purred, or squeaked—if they were loved, they mattered. And that’s all anyone needs to hear.

So here's the bitter truth, I lost my husband and my son in a car crash just one week ago. Yeah, it's rough and honestly, it feels like someone ripped out my heart and stomped all over it. The world keeps spinning as if nothing happened. Like seriously? Because for me, everything's just... broken.

There's this void that I can't even begin to fill. Everywhere I look reminds me of them. The empty chair at the dinner table, the unoccupied side of the bed... It's enough to make anyone lose their mind! People keep telling me how strong I am but honestly, I don't feel it. Not one bit.

And let's talk about the people who say "time heals all wounds"—cut the crap! It's been a week and every damn second is torture. I'm stuck in this loop of what-ifs and could-have-beens, replaying moments we shared over and over again trying to find some comfort in memories;

But you know what? Even with all this pain weighing me down, there's this tiny sliver of hope flickering inside. Maybe I'll never fully heal (like come on) but I've got friends sticking by my side like glue keeping me from spiraling too far into darkness... And somehow that's enough for now.

Sometimes I feel as though, out of all the difficult partners one could end up with, I somehow ended up with the most challenging one. While I do believe I love him, there are moments when I wonder if we’re truly a good match. I often hear friends in strong relationships say that despite any hardships, loving their partner has always felt natural and easy. For me, it hasn’t felt that way—it often feels complicated, and that leaves me questioning whether we’re truly compatible.

Part of the challenge seems to come from the way he processes things. He tends to take a very long time to think before committing, agreeing, or even engaging with something, which can make even simple issues feel unnecessarily drawn out or difficult. At times, it feels as though he deliberately complicates things—almost like he’s testing me to see how I’ll handle it—which feels exhausting and unfair.

There are also dynamics in how he communicates that I find troubling. For example, he often insists on sharing his opinion, almost as if not doing so would mean his voice has been silenced. Yet, if the roles are reversed—if he has spoken but I haven’t—that imbalance doesn’t seem to bother him. To me, this feels selfish and inconsiderate, though there was once when I asked why does he always need to share his opinion even if he knows it will hurt someone, he frames it as part of his cultural upbringing. Personally, I see it less as a cultural trait and more as a learned behavior, especially from his mother, who carries a similar need to always assert her perspective.

While his mother is undeniably intelligent and accomplished, she also often comes across as dismissive or overly certain of her own views. Unfortunately, I see that same habit reflected in him, and it can make our conversations feel one-sided and draining. At times, I wish he could simply listen and observe without feeling the constant need to interject or assert himself.

I’ve been asking myself this question a lot lately, but every time the words am I gay cross my mind, I push them away, like if I don’t think about it, it’ll just go away. Except it doesn’t. I’m 32 years old, and I feel like I should have figured this out by now. But here I am, sitting in my apartment after another long day at work, replaying every moment in my life that’s ever made me question myself. I mean, I’ve always liked women—or at least, I thought I did. I’ve had girlfriends, I’ve been in love, and I’ve genuinely been attracted to women. But then why does this other side of me exist? The side that wonders why I sometimes feel something different when I look at a guy. The side that gets this weird flutter in my stomac when a certain type of guy walks by or when I watch a movie and find myself paying way too much attention to the male lead instead of the actress everyone else is drooling over. I tell myself it’s nothing, just admiration, but at some point, admiration starts feeling a lot like attraction.

It’s not like I’ve never questioned it before. There were moments, little things throughout my life that should’ve made me stop and think. Like that time in college when my friend put his arm around me, and it sent this unexpected rush through me. Or the way I felt weirdly nervous around a certain guy I worked with a few years ago, even though I told myself I just thought he was cool. But I never let myself go further than that. I never really explored it because I didn’t need to, right? I was dating women, and I liked them, so that meant I was straight. Case closed. Except, now, after years of ignoring it, it’s like my brain won’t let it go anymore. It’s not just a passing thought that I can laugh off or push aside—it’s sticking with me, making me wonder if I’ve been lying to myself this whole time. What if I never questioned it before because I never gave myself the space to? Wat if I’ve been so caught up in doing what’s expected, in playing the part, that I never stopped to ask myself what I actually want?

The scary part is, I don’t even know where to go from here. How do you figure this out when you’ve already built a life on the assumption that you’re straight? Do I just start dating guys? Do I tell someone? And if I do, what if I’m wrong? What if this is just some passing phase or overthinking spiral, and I make a huge deal out of something that doesn’t even need to be a deal at all? I wish there was some test, some clear-cut answer that would just tell me, yes, you are gay or no, you’re just overanalyzing everything. But there’s not. And that’s what makes this so confusing. Maybe I’m bi, maybe I’m just figuring myself out late, or maybe I’m reading into things too much. All I know is, I can’t keep pushing it away. I don’t want to look back 10 years from now and wonder what would’ve happened if I’d been brave enough to actually face this. Maybe the real question isn’t am I gay, but what happens if I let myself find out?

On January 21, 2025, I came home from school overcome with anxiety. I only slept two hours the previous night to make time to finish schoolwork, and my inability to think coherently caused a flurry of irrational thoughts I couldn't understand. All I knew was that they surrounded the unusual behavior my close friend Kennedy displayed at school that day: she was avoiding eye contact with me, her reactions were slower, and she seemed so out of it.

I am 16f, and I have this close friend who I've only known for three months but connected deeply with because of the past painful experiences we shared and our identical issues. We both secretly admired each other for the past five years or so, hanging out with different people in the same classroom and a few years in the same friend group, but we never dared to approach the other because we simultaneously thought the other person didn't hold interest.

She was the one to initiate things in the October of last year, in a time when I wasn't stable mentally and had pretty much given up all notion of social interaction and friendships because of my apathy. I saw her "HMM WYD" text and felt so bewildered in the midst of my inner struggles that I might've feel into an extreme denial of her intentions. I acted like a bully to her for a while because of that. Or to be more precise, like a tsundere LOL

But she was so persistent and vocal about her fondness for me that I found myself acting in a way different from my usual emotionless and inexpressive self. To say the least, she saved me.

But then last week, she opened up about the dark thoughts she has and how her family sees her as someone with a "mental problem." Since then she admitted to me yesterday that she has been experiencing a strange uncomfortable feeling, that she "used to like me to such an extent" but that something changed inside of her regarding her feelings towards me. She said she didn't know why. She said it wasn't my fault she was feeling that way.

I miss her so much.

Hello, it's been a while since I opened this app. I don't know who I can talk about this to because I don't want to be judged by my friends, so I thought about talking here and ask for advice regarding this 🥲 There's this guy I like, since the start of the school year, he's the top 1 of our batch, really cute, and he's the youngest out of all of us. He's two years younger than me. I told his friend abt my small crush on him, and he told me that he's not interested in anyone and it's like he has his own world, after that talk I kind of hoped I had a small chance of him liking me back. But then recently, we had this class assignment in school where all of us should prepare a pretend wedding, and of course, in a wedding you're supposed to have a bride and a groom. I was chosen as the bride, and our class really wanted my crush to be the groom since we had past acting experiences where he was the male lead and I was the female lead. We asked him, and he replied with "What. I'll just stay at the food preparations... Give me 100k and I'll consider it" I don't know how to feel guys, I feel a bit heartbroken by that, but at the same time I don't know if I should feel this way since idk if he replied with that because I was the bride, or if he just doesn't want to be the groom I have been rlly obvious of liking him so maybe he's just uncomfortable with me. I just feel so sad and heartbroken because of his reaction like it made me rethink if I deserve to be loved ☹️☹️ His friend asked him again and we are still waiting for his reply because our classmates rlly want it to be him, but another guy stepped up and told me that he's willing to be the groom. Should I still wait for his reply or do we get the other guy instead to be our groom?? Sorry if it's kind of lengthy, I rlly need an advice guys 🙏 tysm!

I feel a lot of affection toward one of the doctors who treated me. In fact, I feel a sense of care that neither my father nor my mother had ever given me. I feel affectionate, loving, and for the first time, I don't feel like speaking ill of parental figures as I always have, and that makes me happy. I confess that I never liked speaking ill of my parents because I felt it was denigrating my past, my person, that part of me that was made up of them, but I couldn't help it.

In fact, I confess, I'm sorry to be writing about them like this because I feel it's distancing me from them, and I don't want to do that. I don't want to distance myself from other parental figures again; I'm not interested in doing that. I feel like I want to be with them, not cause them any inconvenience, no fights, just follow them blindly. Yes, that's exactly it.

I feel like I've put all my critical tools to work distancing myself from my parents, which was my greatest wish. I didn't want that to happen again. In fact, that's why I feel like these doctors are like paternal figures, and I feel like they've adapted me in some way. It fulfills me in part because I feel like they're replacing my parents, but I can't help it.

How can I not give them credit for being paternal figures if they've earned it? Even with their example. They're inclusive of me. I even feel like I'm part of the family, where I'm taken into account, where I'm a priority, where I'm taken seriously and with care. I feel like this made me feel completely cut off from the family. My parents were always willing to make me feel marginalized, but these doctors, on the other hand, make me feel like I'm part of something, that there's a system that loves me, that appreciates me, that wants me alive. With my parents, I felt like that was impossible because I was born among them, which didn't seem fair at all.

I never felt like part of the family. They never allowed me to. No matter how hard I tried to get inside, they kept me defensive about my parents. I simply had to keep quiet because it was them, as if they were the perpetrators of a massacre to which I was condemned without any salvation. Even with my family, they closed the door on me and left me in a dead end. I can't ask the doctors to play my parents, however, I see an interest in them in making me their son, given that, for some reason, I see that they have lacked that possibility, mainly due to their spirit of justice, commitment, and friendliness, which precisely constitutes a burden that is very difficult to compensate.

In fact, with another of the doctors, I feel a relationship, also familiar, in terms of a courtship, but it goes beyond that; it's even familial. The group of doctors who treated me feel like a kind of family that somehow adapted me, that opened their doors to me. I don't understand why. It's as if, despite the treatment having been completed, they had adapted me given the conditions I expressed regarding my parents, as if they weren't acting as caregivers, as if their job served as an excuse to fulfill that position from the perspective they can offer. Their pain over my situation, even though they didn't express it, was harsh, and this time, unlike what they could do with their friends or with someone other than the patient, they couldn't distance themselves from it, given that their duty was to care for me, and it remains that way. It's as if the grieving process they had to endure regarding me in order to transition to other patients had never ended.

It's strange. So, I have a new family, but the question is: How is this? Why did it happen to me? Why did I have to transition to a new family? This happened without anyone's permission; no one wanted this to happen. We're all giving in to our impulses just like that. We all turned our backs on the issue because there was no excuse to escape, but this time it's not possible. How could this have happened to me? Isn't it easier to walk around without family? I don't even see these doctors; they're distant. I vaguely know them, because of life's circumstances, on the same level of appreciation with which I view my parents. Why is it that I value them as family? I feel that the same distance I maintain with my family, I maintain with them. In fact, this doctor, who I didn't specify as my father but rather as my sister, was so distant, uncommunicative, she was my sister. What surprises me is that I experience this simple pattern of interaction as a substitute and satisfying family. I mean, I can't believe my family is so easy to replace. In fact, beyond them, I don't know anything, a question I experience with my blood family itself.

Is it that in my family, we are so empty? The doctors have given me vague interaction. Exactly what I've felt with my parents regarding working together. Is there so little in my family that unites us? The family relationship between us has been practical Especially that of us being in a work environment where my sister and I are the clients. How could this union have happened just like that? I can't believe my family is so simple and vague. I can't believe it. I can't believe I can replace it so easily. In fact, I feel more confident with these vague details.

I can't believe what I'm experiencing. And just like that, this emerged out of nowhere, just like that. With barely any planning. Furthermore, with selected personnel, I'm talking about doctors, for their work skills. What the heck was my family back then? I swore we were much more complex. Not one you could easily get anywhere. It makes me feel like my family, what we had between us, was just anything. Frankly, I can't believe it.

I feel like there was really nothing between my family and me. Not even with my sister and my parents, just a sad pity that camouflaged it. I never thought I'd discover this. Furthermore, the same frequency with which I see my parents is the same frequency with which I see the doctors I consider my parents. In fact, I trust the female one more, and she's the one who is open and concrete, a bit of a leader, just like my mother, and the male one is rude, drastic, but with a certain measure of restraint, and also authoritarian at times. I can't believe, I insist, that the same core group has formed as when I was at home, which for me was unstable and unstable, just as I experienced at the place where these doctors treated me. Furthermore, with the doctor I feel like my sister, equally distant, eccentric, lonely, and forced to do what she was doing to survive. I can't believe, I insist, that I've encountered the same core group of people.

What is my family then? A group of random people? What the heck did we have at home? Parents who propped up the situation as best they could, trying to get by without any success beyond support, and a sister who did whatever it took to look good with them and everyone else, while I was simply at the mercy of observation and finger-pointing. I insist, I can't believe the same modus operandi developed that existed at home; having, in other words, an emotional and rebellious inclination between my sister and me toward the world. I insist: What the hell did we have at home? Why did we have this at home? How could we have had such a simple, vague, and dysfunctional way of living together? Dysfunctional given that there was no review of the family's destiny despite the elements against it. What did we have at home? Simply, everyone pulling for themselves. The doctor I consider a father was distant from the case and didn't express it, like my mother. What did we have at home? It was everyone for themselves, after all, a sad attempt for each of us to survive. How could we have been so simple-minded? In this family, as a nucleus, there was no depth whatsoever. My parents, besides wanting to look good to those in authority, as always, and being clever at making one look bad, and acting as an inclusion.

LIKE COME ON

THERES THESE TWO KIDS IN MY ENGLISH CLASS MAKING OUT EVERY FUCKING DAY LIKE I DONT NEED TO SEE THAT

PETITION TO MAKE PDA ILLEGAL?!?!??!?! LIKE PLEASE

this is a joke btw, while I do hate seeing PDA people can do what they want lol idc

Okay, so I have two friends. We have all been friends since first grade. We still hang out and make each other laugh when we have problems. We never vent to each other or get sad. We just laugh at ourselves. Lately though one of them has started venting to the other. The other says it’s perfectly okay to vent. When I was with the first one in private I complained and she said that my problems didn’t matter.

I’ve always been the shy one of the group and now they text and call each other more than they do me. Whenever they try to call me I don’t answer.

I feel terrible and I’m going through some problems right now so I hope my friends don’t hate me but they both like the same things and I don’t know what they are.

This is so dumb but I don’t have any other friends so…. Yeah.

I've been married for 20 years with no children. Due to medical error, my wife was incapacitated, and I became 24/7 home carer for 9 years. In recent years, we've seen significant improvement in mobility and function, but due to brain damage, my wife will never recover her memories or her personality. Our relationship unsurprisingly is now more like close siblings or housemates, not a spouse and lover. From being best friends, we now find ourselves having different views, preferences, and even desires. Because of Christian faith, we won't get divorced, and so my wife suggested I discretely find what is missing elsewhere.

I'm not looking for random one-time hookups or to be a sugar daddy. But I do crave the emotional connection, flirting, and excitement missing from my life. I just don't know how best to find a woman who seeks the same. I'm looking for my new best friend, initially online, until we know each fully. Then if if it's meant to be, naturally in person with a view to being each others FWB?