Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

My relationship with my elder sister, Clara, has always been somewhat turbulent. We are distinctly different people; she has a passion for all things fashion and beauty, while I prefer a more casual lifestyle, focusing on academia and my career. Although our interests diverge, I believed we maintained a basic level of respect and civility, until a recent incident made me question this.

Clara’s upcoming wedding has been the center of her universe lately. In an attempt to cut costs elsewhere, she asked if I could contribute financially towards her wedding gown as a “sisterly gesture.” Having just secured a well-paying job, I agreed to help despite finding her request somewhat unusual.

A few weeks ago, during a family get-together, I wore a dress that made me feel particularly confident, despite not being a size 2. To my disbelief, Clara commented loudly enough for everyone to hear that I was “brave” for wearing something so “tight.” I was mortified but chose not to cause a scene by responding.

Later the same evening, she remarked privately that she could never wear something like my dress unless she slimmed down, suggesting the dress was unflattering for someone of my size. This hurt me deeply, and I expressed how offensive her comments were. She dismissed my feelings, claiming she was "just being honest."

These events have led me to reconsider my financial pledge for her wedding dress. When I communicated my decision to her, Clara reacted angrily, accusing me of being selfish and petty. She even claimed that I was sabotaging her special day over a mere joke. Frustrated, I stood my ground, which prompted our parents to intervene, suggesting I should overlook her remarks and contribute as planned, emphasizing that "that’s what sisters do."

However, I felt that Clara's comments crossed a line. This situation makes me wonder if I’m in the wrong for reconsidering my support.

If this saga were to unfold on a reality show, audiences might be captivated by the dramatic fallout, speculating on whether my sister’s comments were genuinely tactless or strategically designed to make a splash on national television. Viewers could be split, with some applauding my stance to withhold financial support as a form of standing up for oneself, while others might view me as overly sensitive, siding with my sister and viewing her comments as benign sibling banter.

Just curious: If you were on a reality show how would you react?

okay so this isn't a sad story or anything but I just need a few gift ideas for my boyfriendddd. our 1 year anniversary is coming up but I have no clue what to get him. the past months we've been together, I got him all the gifts he's wanted. I've asked him what he wants but he says he isn't sure himself on what he wants. I already planned out a date at a restaurant and a lil picnic date at the park but I feel like it might not be enough. does anyone have any other ideas for what else I could do to make it really special for him? :')

i hate it. the feeling of being seen, like actually seen, not just people glancin at you in the street or passin by, but when someone really looks at you, like they’re tryin to figure you out, like they have questions, like they see somethin in you that you don’t even see in yourself. it makes my skin crawl. i overthink every little thing, how i stand, how i move, if my face looks weird when im just existing, if my voice sounds stupid when i speak. every time i step outside, i feel like im being judged, even if no one is sayin anything. and the worst part? i know most people don’t care, i know logically they’re all too busy with their own lives to be analyzin me, but my brain don’t listen to logic. my brain tells me everyone notices, everyone sees, everyone is thinkin somethin. so i shrink, i make myself smaller, i walk quieter, i avoid eye contact, i make sure i dont take up too much space, bc the less people see me, the safer i feel. but its exhausting. always second-guessing, always panicking about the tiniest things, always wishing i could just exist without feeling like im being watched.

nd it’s not just in public, it’s everywhere. online, in messages, even around people i know. every time i post somethin, i think should i delete it? does this make me look dumb? did i say too much? did i say too little? every time i talk to someone, i replay the convo in my head a thousand times, picking apart everything i said, wondering if i sounded weird or annoying. nd it makes me not wanna talk at all. like, if i never say anything, if i never put myself out there, then theres nothin to be judged, right? but then that feels just as bad, bc i want to connect, i want to be a person, i just don’t want to be perceived while doing it. i don’t want people to have opinions on me, to see me one way when i see myself another, to misunderstand, to assume, to put a label on me i don’t want. nd maybe that’s the problem. maybe i dont even kno who i am without other people’s perception, nd that’s why it scares me so much. bc what if i don’t like what they see? what if they see the real me, and i don’t even know who that is?

The other evening, right as my workday was wrapping up, my wife Lena gave me a ring. She was over at her brother James's place and was pondering over our dinner plans. After a brief chat, we all agreed to meet at a quaint restaurant close by. The place usually has a slight wait, so timing was key. Lena and James were roughly ten minutes away, whereas I was a bit farther, about fifteen minutes out. They said they'd head out immediately, so I hustled to get there on time.

Upon arriving, I was surprised to see from my parking spot that they hadn't shown up yet. Curious and a bit annoyed, I dialed Lena to check their whereabouts, only to discover they hadn't left their initial spot yet! Choosing to wait in my truck, they finally appeared after an additional fifteen minutes. Once reunited, I walked in to put our names down, but they showed frustration towards me for not doing it earlier. They argued that I should have anticipated and spared us all from waiting.

This isn't a rare incident; it's a recurring theme with them. They tend to delay their arrival intentionally, sidestepping any initial hassle like setting up or, in this case, signing in and enduring the wait. Fed up with this tactic, I decided to stand my ground this time. Knowing that they had delayed their departure until I almost reached, and after confirming Lena had indeed been tracking my location, I opted not to register us until they were present, insisting on sharing the burden of waiting.

When confronted in the parking lot, they didn't originally request me to check us in, yet were irritated when they had to wait, presumably expecting me to have handled it. As someone who values punctuality, their habitual tardiness to dodge wait times grates on me.

They even labeled me inconsiderate for not putting our names down beforehand, despite my intention to instill a bit of equality in waiting. Was it wrong for me to want everyone to experience the wait this time, or was I justified in my actions to bring some balance?

Imagine this scenario playing out on a popular reality TV show. Viewers would likely be split, with some applauding my stand against habitual tardiness, while others might criticize me for creating unnecessary tension. Social media would buzz with opinions, memes, and possibly even polls siding with either me or my in-laws, turning a simple dinner plan into a highly debated drama.

From this experience, how do you feel about people intentionally arriving late?

My friend and landlord, Jeff, has always been close since we share a workplace and live next door to each other. We are both family men; Jeff has six children between the ages of five months and sixteen, whereas I have four, with the eldest being thirteen and the youngest at seven months. Recently, Jeff embarked on a full-scale renovation of his home, seeking my help in exchange for reducing my rent by $300 monthly. It seemed beneficial, so with my wife’s initial blessing, I started assisting him after work every day, except Sundays.

After work, I usually drop by my house to check on my wife and kids, then head to Jeff's place to lend a hand. The remodel includes updates to the living room, kitchen, two bedrooms, and the bathroom. About a week ago, however, tensions began to rise at home. My wife became unsettled after seeing me chat and laugh with Jeff's wife from our window. She felt neglected, accusing me of favoring the company of another woman. Despite my reassurances that there was nothing between Jeff's wife and me, my wife remained unconvinced. To avoid further conflict, I started avoiding eye contact whenever Jeff’s wife approached me, but this did little to alleviate my wife's distress. She refused to join me next door because she was uncomfortable around their poorly trained, overly energetic pitbull.

Matters escalated last Saturday when Jeff took a break to prepare dinner for his family, extending an invitation to me. After sharing a meal with them, I returned home to find my wife upset upon learning I had already eaten. She discarded the meal she had prepared for me and refused to converse with me for the remainder of the evening. The next day, during dinner, she pointedly mentioned there wasn’t enough food for me, suggesting I had plans to dine with Jeff’s family again. Her anger was palpable as she accused me of spending more time helping next door than at our home. Despite my attempts to explain that my interactions with Jeff’s wife were minimal and purely for assistance with chores, I awoke to discover that my wife and children had left, taking most of their belongings.

Feeling isolated, I reached out to my wife, only to receive cold responses disregarding my concern. Now, communication has ceased altogether, leaving me in a state of confusion and regret over the choices I made.

Imagine if this drama unfolded on a reality show, capturing each intense moment and confrontation. Viewers might rally behind my situation sympathetically or they might critique my obliviousness to my wife’s growing resentment. The dynamics of household and neighborly interactions would certainly keep an audience engaged, speculating on each character's next move and discussing the complexities of relationship trust and communication.

How should I address this mess with my wife effectively, considering the damage already done?

dunno who else to turn to for this, so hello online community!

let's call this friend H. i consider H a very close friend of mine. we've both been in the same boarding school, and i've been friends with her for the past 3 years. we always get roomed together so that's how we eventually started bonding. but she gets in these emotional moods sometimes and tends to take her feelings out on me.

it ranges from getting mad at me for the littlest things to full on ghosting me for days straight. the most recent one was, honestly, partially my fault, but in my opinion i didn't even do anything that bad. so we were the only ones in our dorm bathroom at the time, along with two of our other friends. it was late at night and H wanted to take a shower. i wanted to scare her and pretended like my friends and i left the bathroom, so we all stayed quiet while she was showering. she did call out to us multiple times, but she was laughing and giggling so i assumed that H knew that we were still in the bathroom and was playing along with the joke.

when H opened the shower door, she was still laughing with us. it was only until we entered the dorm that she suddenly started crying, putting on her clothes aggressively and then leaving, slamming the door shut. H called her mom right after that using a public phone and began to complain and rant about my 'terrifying' joke. we haven't spoken since, because i'm not going to apologize over something that was supposed to be a joke.

other than this, H has also snapped at me at random times, and by snapping, i mean screaming at me, shouting at me, randomly crying and telling me that i was 'bullying her' even though all i did was joke about how she sometimes slept too late at night or stayed in the shower for too long. perhaps my jokes were a bit mean, but i think H didn't need to yell about how i was 'such a bitch' and how she hated me for bullying her in front of all our friends just because i commented that she woke up late that morning. if H was really bothered with my jokes, why didn't she talk to me about it instead of screaming at me for it? H also confuses me because one day, she'll join in on the jokes and laughs along too, or makes a joke about me in return (which i don't mind, of course) but the day after that she'd be telling me that i'm a terrible friend for joking about her.

not only that, H complained to all my other friends about how 'mean' i was being, and 'cried' to them (it's not really crying because there's no tears coming out of her eyes but she makes weird sobbing sounds, so) about all my cruel and evil 'jokes'. i'm tired of being her villain. H knows i have issues with arguments that involve screaming because i had a bad childhood and i prefer arguments being settled through talking and communication rather than shouting, but she still yells and screams at me and doesn't apologize when i tell her it makes me scared and i want her to communicate in a calmer way. i also have issues with tone, and i have a hard time trying to figure out her emotions and stuff, so it really makes me feel sad when she accuses me of not trying harder to understand her.

her anger issues have taken such a toll on me for the past years we've been friends. i don't know how to tell her about my feelings without ticking her off and making her cry. i don't want to seem like more of a bad person to all our other friends, and i'm tired of being her scapegoat all the time. i'm so done with her just giving me the silent treatment without even trying to talk to me about what i did that made her angry. i'm so done with her just snapping at me angrily and not apologizing for it while i have had to apologize to her thousands of times for a small, petty joke. i don't know what else to do. i don't want to lose our friendship but i also feel like if this goes on for any longer i might go crazy lol

Sometimes the hardest place to be is in a relationship where you feel completely alone.

When your partner says you are “too dramatic” instead of trying to understand your feelings, it slowly teaches you to stop speaking. When trust was broken early in the relationship and the pain was never truly acknowledged, the wound never really heals.

Over time, something inside you begins to shut down. You keep doing your responsibilities, you keep showing up for the family, you listen when they need support—but when you need someone to listen to you, they are not there.

It’s a strange kind of loneliness: being physically together but emotionally invisible.

I am not perfect, but my feelings are real. Wanting to be understood, valued, and emotionally supported is not being dramatic—it is being human.

Sometimes the quietest pain is simply wishing the person you chose would see your heart the way you see theirs.

so I've been dating my partner for a few years now. it's generally been great, but I've started having this nagging feeling lately. they've been texting this coworker late at night and being kind of secretive about it too. honestly, I might just be overthinking it, but something doesn't sit right with me. I accidentally overheard a part of their phone conversation the other day, and I can't shake this uneasy feeling. they were laughing together about some 'inside joke' from work, which felt way too familiar for my liking.

i know communication in relationships is key or so all those self-help columns say anyway. still, I'm not sure if bringing this up makes me look paranoid or if staying quiet just sweeps problems under the rug. you hear these stories where coworkers develop emotional connections that lead to other things and trust gets broken down incrementally before anyone realizes… but am I reading too much into a couple of texts? maybe I'm letting personal biases skew my perception here.

I tried looking up reasons why people should talk through suspicions like these without sounding accusatory but I'm stuck trying to balance being honest and maintaining peace. work dynamics can be intense; especially if you're working on projects well past regular hours, everything blurs together sometimes… all-nighters become bonding sessions naturally turned a bit flirtatious(maybe). they often talk about how stressful their deadlines are; what if chatting's their way to vent as well?

this coworker's kind of a new addition to their team though, even been referenced as the "team morale booster" during dinner with mutual friends who've mentioned harmless office banter more than once(and giggled). anecdotal evidence can be misleading though: sometimes facts get lost in the sensational bits... sigh 😅 any advice on how to approach this without stirring unnecessary drama? doubting intentions feels invasive yet something spells trouble here.

lately, i find myself caught off guard by my reactions to even the smallest events. it's strange how watching a sentimental TikTok or hearing a slightly critical comment from a friend sends my emotions spiraling. some days i feel utterly indifferent to everything, while on others, i’m ridiculously sensitive, crying over trivialities that i wouldn’t usually bat an eyelash at. maybe it’s hormones, or perhaps this is simply what being a teenager entails. still, the inconsistency of my emotional state makes me question whether something more profound might be at play here. do other people my age feel this overwhelmed by basic, everyday situations, or am i just overly dramatic?

it's weird how sometimes emotions just hit differently, right? like yesterday, i was joking around with my bestie when she casually said something about how i take things too seriously. she wasn't even mean about it, just teasing me like usual. yet somehow, that casual remark lingered with me the entire day, making me feel unexpectedly inadequate and overly self-conscious. logically, i understand it was harmless banter, nothing worth dwelling upon, yet emotionally, it felt disproportionately impactful. later, scrolling through my socials, i came across a meme about being overly emotional, and instead of laughing it off, i genuinely related and felt comforted knowing others might feel similarly conflicted. it’s bizarre, isn’t it, how quickly emotions fluctuate from laughter to near tears, leaving you wondering if your reactions are typical teenage turbulence or indicative of deeper insecurities you haven't addressed?

sometimes i try stepping back, analyzing my emotional patterns objectively, hoping to uncover why i'm experiencing these drastic emotional shifts. perhaps i should consider external factors—lack of sleep, academic pressure, or social dynamics—as they undoubtedly influence mental equilibrium. additionally, adolescence inherently entails emotional instability, thus explaining why minor stressors trigger exaggerated reactions. despite acknowledging this logically, the sensation remains intensely personal and often isolating. so, here i am, articulating these thoughts to strangers online, hoping someone else might resonate and reassure me that feeling emotionally overwhelmed occasionally doesn't signify weakness or abnormality; rather, it merely highlights our shared human fragility. do any of you experience this emotional rollercoaster, and if so, how do you typically navigate these confusing, unpredictable feelings?

How disgusting it is to have to give my father information about my life. I don't want to give him any information about me, and I feel like he's pressuring me, with his absences, to give it to him. This is truly miserable. I can't stand being with my father anymore. I expected a recent response, and he didn't give it to me. I'm fed up. I'm fed up with how he wants this relationship to be. He once decided to see who I was dating! With the excuse that in the family, we men find bad people. This is the last straw.

I hate my father. Besides, he wants to know so much about my life when I don't want to give him that information. Besides, I don't want to give it to him. I don't know if he's giving it to the psychiatrist. I'm fed up. I'm fed up with this information being extracted from me. I feel like I can't take it anymore. And this tells me it's from a psychiatrist? I don't want to be there anymore. I'm not interested anymore. I'm working through the anger I had myself, because if it were up to her, pressuring me to be worse, then it would be going badly. Everything in the therapeutic treatment is being achieved thanks to my routine, not thanks to the psychiatrist. Instead of supporting me, the psychiatrist has only put more pressure on me. She once made me steer clear of some dentists who treated me, she molded me. I'm tired of her. Furthermore, she supported my father's medication, even though the character is my doctor. Hell, feeling obligated to give him information about what I'm doing with my life has reached its limit.

It can't be that the relationship with my father is the most problematic, an issue that's obvious from miles away, as is that with my mother. And they want me to see that on purpose? I'm tired of the psychiatrist, of her pressuring me, of her giving me useless, crappy pills. I don't want to keep taking that stuff. So far, what I've felt is pressure from that woman, molding, disapproval, bias. I can't stand that doctor anymore. I want to quit that therapy once and for all. On top of that, censorship. I'm not in therapy to calm down, but to do a job, and I won't do a job at the expense of that. That person can't be staking out my success when it's my routine. I no longer care about the opinion of my work, which is who sent me to that. I just want to be calm. I don't want to feel like I'm exposing myself in my private space. That's torture. I can't allow that. It's too much. I'm wasting my time. I don't want to see that psychiatrist anymore! I'm tired.

Why is it that at my job, what they've done is nothing but screw up my life? I don't want to be trapped with a psychiatrist! I want out of there; I feel too boxed in. I don't care that they don't give me anything, or any other support; I just want out of that psychiatrist. I'm fed up with being with her. Plus, she treated me badly outside of the session. I'm tired of defending myself from the psychiatrist; I can't take it anymore. I don't want to keep doing it like I did with my psychologist; that woman really traumatized me. That woman abused my privacy, however she wanted; she pushed aside my ideals, and she wanted to act like nothing was happening. I'm not going to allow that again.

I feel like I can't believe anything my father says anymore. In fact, I feel like the communication between us is more zero than ever. There are too many unseen things between us. This relationship between us is headed straight for disaster. This can't be tolerated by either side anymore. This has become a situation where everyone lives in their own world.

On the other hand, it's unfortunate that a girl, who for a long time, I don't even know what I did, I think that by becoming "her leader" at her request, I'll have to leave her alone, and if she comes back, she'll adapt to the circumstances. It's not possible for me to remain stagnant because of her. There's a new girl in my life, and I feel I want to get to know her better, appreciate her more, and that's interesting to me, and that's my right. I can't afford to remain stagnant with her; wherever, wherever she is, I hope that if I see her again, she'll find out about this and digest it well because I'm not going to put up with any scandal, and she knows it. In fact, of everything I've experienced, what I did, faithfully, was just that: make me her leader from every angle. I mean, you can only give her such an abstract group vision, because otherwise it's incomprehensible; there are so many details that won't fit together. I'm tired of going over the matter in circles. It's impossible to give her a common vision, it's not possible.

i dunno how many times i’ve been through this but it always feels like the first time. you meet someone, you get your hopes up, you think maybe this time it’s different, maybe she actually sees something in you—then boom! ghosted or hit with the “you’re nice but…” line. why is it always that?! why do they go on dates if they already not interested?? like, if u don’t want a second date, don’t go on the first one, right? 😑 it’s not like i’m weird or creepy or anything. i just try to be myself, talk, listen, smile—normal stuff. but somehow it never clicks. it’s always one or two dates, then silence. sometimes i even check my texts 20 times a day like an idiot waiting for replies that never come. pathetic. it’s not like i’m expecting a fairytale, but at least some honesty would be nice!

i’m 21, still a virgin, not that it matters but somehow it feels like it does. i know we’re not supposed to care about that anymore but let’s be real, everyone does. when you see everyone around hooking up or having stories to tell, it messes with your brain. it’s not about sex itself but just feeling like you’re part of the world, like you belong. i go on campus and see couples all the time, holding hands, laughing, doing all that couple-y stuff and i wonder if i’ll ever get to do that. i try meeting girls, usually through class groups or during campus events. and at first they seem to like talking to me, we laugh, we text, and i ask them out. we grab coffee or go for a walk, and i think “okay, this is going alright,” but then i get the vibe shift. you know that weird pause between texts, that tone change, and you just know they’re gonna bail soon. and every time it happens, i tell myself maybe i was too nice or too boring or too something. but how do you even fix that if you don’t know what the problem is?;

it’s hard not to internalize it. like yeah, people say “don’t take it personal,” but how can you not? it’s always me getting rejected. logically, i know it's just not a match or whatever but emotionally, it still hits. i’ve even had girls say “you’re sweet but i don’t feel that spark” and that spark word feels like a knife. what even is that spark? am i just incapable of generating it? is it something i’m missing? maybe i’m too slow, or too respectful, maybe girls my age want someone more bold or mysterious or whatever. i don’t even know how to act differently without being fake. and even when i try to be chill about it, pretend i don’t care, it still messes with me later when i’m alone at night overthinking every tiny thing i said or did. i try to stay busy, hit the gym, study, keep social but man it’s exhausting pretending this stuff doesn’t affect me.

so yeah, how do you even deal with this kind of rejection?? how do you stop feeling like you’re constantly not enough? is it supposed to get better or is this just how it goes for some of us? i’m not trying to sound dramatic or anything, just genuinely wondering if anyone else has been through this. not looking for pity either. just tired of feeling stuck in this weird space where you keep trying and hoping, and it keeps leading nowhere. and the worst part is, it makes you start doubting your own worth even when deep down you know you’re a decent guy. just wish i could stop caring so much, but i do. guess that’s the part that sucks the most.

I've been struggling with my mental health for a long time and despite this I've always tried to keep the most positive outlook I could, but recently I've felt as if that wasn't possible. I've always been weird and avoidant of people due to paranoia, anxiety, OCD, autism symptoms and emotional inconsistency which has made it difficult to maintain relationships. Suffice to say, I've gotten along with people to the point that I could show them an empty side of myself that didn't care whether he was hurt or not, but I feel like now that's the only part of me who can function with others. I like that part of me, and I feel like I'm okay as long as I trust him to take care of things, but I don't know how I'm supposed to live my own life.

I've always had a lot of things that I'd been passionate about but those things like drawing, watching anime, learning languages, learning history and pretty much everything except for math doesn't really have a place in my life anymore since I've started college. I can still enjoy my hobbies but I feel like as a 19 year old male, watching trashy shoujo anime and liking moe stuff is kinda weird. Having obsessions feels like something to be ashamed of as well and every time I get into something I feel like I'm always going to be stereotyped for it. Apart from that, my fascinations with dark things like gore and pain are obviously things I'll have to keep hidden. I've basically abandoned the notion of someone who'd be able to save me or be there for me because I know I just get too attached and mess things up in relationships like that.

I always had the notion that everyone else was in the wrong for making me feel like I had to hide, but now I think I'm at the point where I'm accepting that I don't belong anywhere. I don't want to change and I don't want to die but I can't live in society the way it is being the way I am. I used to want to change the world, but now I feel like someone like me, with all my issues would just make it worse.

Living like this, I feel like I'm slowly disappearing and like I'm giving in. In some ways it feels like losing the parts of myself that make me who I am is just a matter of course, it doesn't matter to me anymore because it's something I should have accepted a long time ago, but if I could I wish I didn't have to change to live.

In college, I’m part of a friend group that shares some common acquaintances with another group, which includes a girl we'll call Lisa. Recently, several mutual friends proposed a trip to explore a nearby city, a place I’d never visited before. Although there's a slight friction between our friend circles, I was keen on the trip and decided to join, despite my friends opting out.

Upon reaching the city, our group tossed around ideas for activities, and someone suggested visiting the largest zoo in the country. We agreed but just as we were about to buy tickets, Lisa announced, "Guys, I'm sorry, I don't support zoos,” opting to wait outside instead. Frustrations bubbled as the group wished she had shared this earlier, which could have helped plan activities inclusive for everyone. Consequently, we skipped the zoo and headed to the local shopping district.

Our shopping excursion faced similar setbacks. Standing outside a popular clothing store, Zara, Lisa declared she wouldn't shop there due to its fast fashion practices, which she believed were harmful to the environment. This pattern repeated at several other stores, with Lisa citing environmental concerns each time. Though trying to be understanding, the repetition began grating on everyone's nerves.

The final straw came during lunch. As university students on a budget, we looked for affordable fast-food options. Lisa objected again, this time due to her vegetarianism and environmental reasons against fast food chains. Although I’m also vegetarian and tried to point out that this place offered vegetarian options, it wasn’t enough for Lisa. My patience wore thin, and I snapped, asking her to stop moralizing every choice we made.

Lisa walked away, likely upset, as my outburst didn't sit well with the others either. They criticized my reaction, not bothered as much by Lisa’s repetitive environmental advocacy. Reflecting on it, I can appreciate her intentions, but I was just trying to enjoy the day without constant criticisms of our environmental impact.

Had this scenario unfolded on a reality TV show, the reaction could have been dramatic and widely discussed. Would the audience side with me for seeking a day free from guilt, or would they applaud Lisa’s steadfast commitment to her principles? Reality shows thrive on such conflicts, and the viewers' votes or social media feedback could sway significantly based on their personal views on environmentalism and social etiquette.

Am I wrong here?

ALERT: This is probably TW. Don't read this if you think it could in any way negatively affect you.

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I'm having a breakdown. I hate my fucking body. It's disgusting. My BMI is 18, is very very much. I'm really fat. Ugh, I feel like tearing off all the fucking fat. I'm crying

A couple of years ago, a girl from the US came to my town in Europe over the summer to maintain her double citizenship to my country. I met her through our sport as she trained at my club during that summer to stay fit. She's a couple of years older than me, but we became quite good friends, and even after she went home to the US we stayed in touch and dreamed of visiting each other again - mostly of me visiting her in the US.

Anyways, she has now been doing her sport at a college in the US, and has sent me a kind of open invitation to come visit her and follow her busy student-athlete lifestyle for a week. I have a school holiday coming up in about a month and I've promised her to come visit for a week then. I can stay with her in her dorm and eat in her dining hall, so I would "only" have to pay for the plane tickets, but even that is a big expense for me.

Tickets to and from the US would cost me something like 1/6th of my savings (but they aren't that big, so maybe that sounds worse than it is), and even though I have access to a dining hall etc. I'll still have to buy some food and such when I'm there. My dad might pay for half of the ticket, but it would still be a very expensive trip, and even though I've already promised my US friend that I'll come, I can't quite get over how expensive it'll be for me.

I'm annoyed and frustrated over this specific situation, but it's not so much this one that bugs me as it is my family's finances in general. We (my mother, sister and I #divorcedparents) are constantly broke, and I honestly don't always get why or how it happens. My mom makes enough money that we should be doing fine in day-to-day life, including when somebody needs a new pair of shoes or whatever once a year, but every time we have to make a "bigger" purchase (e.g. a pair of shoes, a big grocery haul) she grimaces and is clearly uncomfortable with the amount of money we're spending. I barely speak to my dad because I can't do so without him trauma dumping and venting about exclusively his own problems to me, but I know he's at least as broke as my mom/us so even though he's promised to pay half of my ticket, I don't trust that he will or that it will be within the foreseeable future.

I know I can't really get mad at my parents for being somewhat poor, especially when I know my mom is ashamed of it when she has to borrow money from my sister and me or when she can't buy us everything we want. I feel like I can actually be angry at my dad because the main reason he's poor is because he's a lazy piece of shit and never has a job for more than 6 months at a time because then it "gets too boring" for him. I'm just tired of always being more broke than my friends and never knowing how it is we're wasting our money, and I can never go on a shopping spree or something like this trip that's coming up because I feel so guilty for spending money.

I've also thought of getting a job so I can start making my own money, but I don't know how I would ever find the time to it. I go to high school and train 1-2 times everyday except for sunday which is my designated homework day, so I genuinely don't have the time to also have a job. I'm literally spending some of my homework time on writing this, but I'm just so frustrated right now and I don't have anyone to vent to in real life.