Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

hi uh I dont know why I decided to do this bc all I wanted to do was vent to someone but I wish I could just go back to therapy. but um basically I have been having some problems with my dad since I was about 10 (I'm 13 btw) uh sometimes it would just feel like he wouldnt listen or pay any attention to me and I feel like sometimes he just picks on me I guess.. uh this week I have been non stop thinking about why he hates me bc all this week before I go to bed he says something that just makes me break down or sometimes have an anxiety attack but its ok uh bc I have my mom I guess who is barely home enough for her to protect me from my dad bc she has work she always has work and I'm always just sad I'm always sad and my dad just makes me just flat out depressed I've tried therapy but I just couldn't speak about it bc she thought I was there bc I joked on a ai chat abt kms bc I wanted food bc I was starving and I didn't eat that day and my dad told me to WAIT so he could finish cooking dinner and wouldn't even let me have a snack. recently I've been just crying myself to sleep bc it feels like he hates me and I don't care anymore I hate him and I hope as soon as I get to the age I have enough money to move out.

I'm tired of not being recognized. Nobody pays attention to me nor acknowledges my existence properly.

I tried other sites to vent, but nobody responded or even let me speak. It feels like there’s nothing special about me anymore. I don’t feel unique, and I need someone to make me feel alive, to make me feel like I’m worth something.

It became overwhelming, and I started to feel a profound sense of desperation, crying uncontrollably. I want someone to acknowledge me, but there are no people, no topics to talk about, and nothing about me that seems interesting.

I almost gave into SH again after months of not doing it; but with all my will, I made it into cold water before that happened. It wasn't even enough... Well, whatever. I'm now here

I guess it’s just me and my past regrets. I’ve come to realize that most people either act like it never happened or talk to someone else to share their sorrow, and somehow that works for them. So, I'm probably just another idiot.

Our CEO has a very unrealistic expectations to us. She would give the work at 11am and have the result by 1? What the fuck? Am i not allowed to take my lunch????

I feel like my life is a huge joke. I feel like I’m the punching bag in a fight club.

When I was around 12, my grandparents had both passed away and I was moved states away. I loved my grandparents, and they raised me. My dad was not in my life at any point, and my mom was barely present.

My mom had a long distance girlfriend at the time, and both her and the girlfriend pressured me until I finally agreed to the move. I’ll call the girlfriend Jane. Jane constantly told me ways my life would be better, and later escalated to how much happier my mom would be if I agreed to move. It was very manipulative.

Once we moved to another state, about 9 hours away from all of my family, things became unbearable. Jane was emotionally abusive. She was a full blown narcissist. She made my mom financially dependent on her. I was cursed at for hours on end daily. Jane would call me derogatory names constantly. If I simply forgot to unload the dishwasher, I was screamed at. Nothing I did was ever good enough. For the first year I would go out to my mom’s car and sob. My mom would come check on me, and I would beg her to take me back home. She never did.

After years of abuse, I tried multiple times to kill myself. I finally told Jane and my mom that how they treated me made me miserable. Jane’s response was to threaten to call the police and have me arrested for insubordination. I was 16 at the time, and had no idea if that was something she could do. Instead of getting help and therapy that I begged for, I was punished. I wasn’t even allowed to shave my legs, which was horrifying because I played sports year round and it was volleyball season. There is so much to share about my life with Jane, but I’ll move on.

At 17 I graduated and started college. I made sure to get housing on campus so I could get away from my mom and Jane. During the semester, I enlisted in the army. During my time in the military, I went no contact with my mom and Jane. I did everything to ensure I never had to go home. If I wasn’t staying in barracks, I would stay in my car or at a boyfriend’s house.

Years later I went back to school, and stayed with my boyfriend’s family. When we broke up, I had no choice but to go home. Jane was dying with cancer. I moved back in October, and by December she died. She was absolutely horrible even dying. She tried to be abusive, but with me being older and able to evade her it wasn’t successful. My mom told me in private many times that she couldn’t wait for Jane to die. It’s now been years since Jane died. I’m no contact with my mom again.

My relationships, intimate or friend, have also been horrible. My very first serious boyfriend raped me and SA’d me. I stayed with him for 2 years, because I thought that was how relationships were. Jane constantly told me how I should make sure I keep him because I’ll never deserve or get anything better. I was 16 and believed her.

My next long relationship was 4 years and was the boyfriend I lived with. He cheated religiously. Everytime I tried to leave he would sob and lay down behind my car. If I would get upset and not want to hear his excuses, he would hold me down and scream in my face. He treated me terribly.

After I went home and Jane died, I dated off and on. I had better short term relationships, and most ended because we didn’t meld all the way. They were all mutual and civil breakups, but nothing lasting more than a couple months at most.

My current relationship has been for the last 3+ years. We just celebrated our one year wedding anniversary a couple days ago.

In August, I cut off my best friend. I’m going to call her Alice. Alice was my first friend when I moved here. She was my maid of honor when I got married. Our friendship had never really been the best. She constantly threw me under the bus and talked bad of me behind my back. She would use me as a scapegoat to her parents, and honestly I didn’t care because it wasn’t like my life could get any worse with mine at the time. Once we got older tho, she would talk about me to my boyfriends. When I asked her to stop, she would claim to have every right to talk about whoever she wanted to whoever she wanted to. She could be pretty nasty. Most of the time they were lies or just complete misunderstandings that she turned into huge ordeals. All of this improved over the last couple of years, and I thought we were past it. I thought she had matured. In August, we had a skirmish. I had been self isolating, and she was furious with me. She was angry that I hadn’t been talking to her. I explained that I hadn’t talked to anyone, and I was apologetic that she got included. I did try to explain that talking to her was difficult. She would constantly leave me on read, or respond with one word replies. She never acted as if she cared, and I was always a burden to her. I would have understood if I was this Debbie downer, but I wasn’t. The burden I put on her, was asking to spend time together. Before I started isolating, I tried with all of my friends to reach out and establish some sort of talking. Most didn’t reply at all to my, “hey how are you?” Alice responded, but she blew up on me. She told me she loved me but she just couldn’t hang out or give me any semblance of communication because she was so exhausted. I told her that the only reason I was texting was to actually see how she was. I knew she had been stressed with her job, and I wanted to check on her. Which was the truth. After that conversation, I stopped reaching out. I stopped trying. I adopted a “let them” policy. Months later in August she blew up on me for it. When I tried to explain how I had been doing with my own mental health, she stopped replying. She told me that she couldn’t be there for me and that she was too upset. For context, I was feeling pretty worthless and unwanted. Nothing incredibly heavy, and it was the first time I’d talked to her about my mental state in almost a year. After her reaction, I told her I didn’t really want to talk to her for a while. I wanted some boundary to feel safe and respected. Within a couple of days, multiple mutual friends blocked me. I learned from one that Alice had shared a completely made up lie. She had painted me to anyone who would listen that I was an absolute villain in a completely made up story. I shared with the same friend evidence of what actually happened. They confirmed that she was telling a horrible alternate version to make herself a victim. After that I was done. I cut her off and haven’t spoken with her since.

About a month later, I was finally getting over and accepting that I had no family or friends. I had my husband and his family. I was feeling terribly alone. That same September, I found out that my husband had been cheated on me since the beginning. He had multiple affairs. He had online relationships with countless women.

So yea. That’s the shortest way to get my story out. I feel like every single person I’ve let into my life has hurt me. I feel devastated. I don’t want to be alone, but no person who was supposed to love me actually loved me and didn’t hurt me. When I think about all of the hurt I’ve had in my life, I can’t help but wonder what past sins I committed that would warrant such pain in this life.

I'm learning Korean just for the fun of it (I'm a Kpop fan, don't judge me)

It's proving WAY harder than I originally thought ngl-

but I'm using Duolingo, and I listen to A LOT of Kpop, so I should be good ig?

idk

but listening to kpop in theory should help, it's possible (the lead singer of one ok rock [japanese] learned English by listening to Linkin Park so...)

When I told my friend I'm learning Korean, she said "Bro no way-"

It's hard for me to say, but I feel I can't recover or continue the relationship with this girl. I have to leave her because there's no room for her in my life. I've already tried every way. She's in her own world, and I'm in mine, and any attempt would feel forced and aimed at destroying us both. I personally doubt this girl is considering these conditions, but I feel I can do it. Leaving her would be an act of respect for her routine, her development, and her desire for a new person, given that I can't have a negative impact on her and therefore be scarred, since she has the right to find her. I can't allow myself to be the one to destroy that dream, so it's fair and necessary that we discuss the fact that I'm not the new person she's looking for, given that, as I insist, I'm not in a position to support her, primarily because of the way her life is structured.

Her life isn't meant for new people, but that doesn't mean I can accommodate her to satisfy that desire. However, it's an extremely delicate task, and one she must oversee. Let's assume that she gives in at this moment, the game will tend to abandon her plans and other things, and that's not the idea. If she's going to do it, it should be gradually, considering each of the details into which her entire life can be divided, in order to create something satisfactory. Otherwise, she will be sowing the ultimate nest of violence, bitterness, and a relationship given to conflict as the defining axis of the story she can trace; an issue that, unfortunately, was the future when I saw myself with her, and which was totally heartbreaking for me. I don't know how there are people who can tend to do the same.

This act, without a doubt, represents an act of respect for her person, of love. I observe her as very vulnerable to suggestion and falling prey to one of those manipulative beings who opt for victimhood and are both skillful and unconscious at procuring people to hold them hostage without any evidence in front of others, despite the person feeling this way and the subject knowing it, but at the same time, due to their unconsciousness, ignoring it at all costs. I feel this is the mistake my father and my stepmother made many years ago, and I don't intend to make it again.

I can't deny that it pains me to leave her, given that she seems to me to be a very beautiful person, very dedicated to this new life, and, in addition, with feelings whose life, in effect, was to prevent others from feeling judged. I observed that her spirit of protecting others was undermining her, which reminds me of another girl who I thought was in those shoes with me but wasn't aware of her infatuation with me. She was a person, from what I'm seeing, with a vague self-esteem and who liked not to disappoint others, always making them feel good. This, it seemed to me, was affecting her studies, which were also outside her area of ​​residence. Indeed, it's tempting for anyone to have such a person slide toward you irremediably, given the intense sense of control we humans possess, but it's interesting when it ceases because it implies that the fear of the world collapsing and obstructing her access to it has been undermined, which expresses a greater openness to it. I feel I'm achieving that in this case.

That girl had a great sense of guilt. I felt that, just because she was a psychiatric patient, she was already sliding toward me, against her own feelings, and I feel that at this moment she was almost heading toward that point. However, when faced with someone who is on the verge of overshadowing her life, if I can do something, then let it be this way. It will undoubtedly cause discomfort, but the aftermath will be a rich radiance for her life. She will feel that there was respect, order, and consistency from people like me, who am a patient of the aforementioned type, and I also protect the identity of all of us who, I feel, are highly prejudiced, unfortunately not without reason, given at the same time by a society that doesn't welcome us, given the difficulties we cause because we don't have the tools to handle them.

In part, and it must be said this way, this has become a duty to my profession. Psychiatric patients don't seek to drag anyone down; we ruin people's lives, and much less are we people without a vision for well-being. Quite the contrary, we can be different, and I feel that is the image I want to give to that girl so that we may be respected. At the same time, I want to advocate for the functioning of psychotherapies, whose image today is very degraded, practically reserved for extreme cases, perhaps with a little more breadth than before. That such things do work, of course, with the patient's commitment. And at the same time, that the humanists, a group with which I incorporate, we are not people with problems or low self-esteem who were told to go to that place as an escape from them.

I also want to give a perspective on people who are lonely. We are not self-absorbed people, who abandon others, etc. I believe there are many very prejudiced groups, I insist, not without cause, but if I can do something about it, I feel I am protecting others and helping to distinguish those who do not engage in disrespectful behavior, abusing the way those groups characterize themselves.

I feel like I am giving that girl a huge gift by not insisting further. I don't think she will respond to me, and that, for me, means that she feels my respect, that she is dedicated to her own things, that she is not ready to leave there, and that is precisely the perfect motivation to satisfy that desire to have new people in her life. I am proud of my behavior in this sense.

Living together for a month now, but honestly, it feels like we barely share a word. I'm 23, and I moved in with my boyfriend eager to see where life's adventure takes us. Only I didn't expect most of our conversations to orbit around crypto currencies or him dreaming up the ultimate SaaS powered by AI... Of course, it's important to him, but where’s the part where we talk about our day, or laugh at dumb memes together? He’s either buried deep in his work or scrolling through his phone like it's a third limb, sometimes I feel like I'm a ghost drifting through my own home; invisible, unheard.

I’m not asking for serenades under the moonlight or love notes slipped under my pillow, just some basic human connection. But when I bring it up (rarely), he’s often too busy calculating ROI or trading stats to notice the void growing between us. So here I am, wondering: what am I even supposed to talk about with him, when it seems pretty clear his mind is hardwired to the blockchain and AI algorithms? I occasionally try bringing up topics outside his tech bubble, but then it’s crickets from his side. It's like I'm speaking in an alien language.

Maybe it's cliché, but we genuinely didn’t sign up for this distant cohabitation, right? Moving in together was supposed to be about growing closer, sharing experiences, but I feel like I'm vividly relaying them to a wall sometimes. So what do others talk about when you feel disconnected? Or am I just expecting too much from this relationship already? Maybe I should jump into his world?? but how do I show interest in global crypto market trends when I barely understand what they mean? If this sounds familiar to anyone, how do you leap the chasm and bridge this gap? Or should I just accept that maybe, awkward silences are our new normal?🤷‍♀️

I'm currently residing in a different state from my friend, Jennifer (33F), who is in her own state. We were neighbors before life and circumstances led us to different places, and though we maintained a close-knit bond over the phone, it wasn't the same as meeting in person. Despite our enduring friendship, Jennifer has always had a tendency to stretch the truth, which complicate things sometimes.

During one of our usual text conversations, she mentioned feeling unwell and listed a few alarming symptoms including high fever and unusual bleeding. Naturally, I urged her to seek medical help, but she stubbornly refused. With growing concern, I contacted her cousin, Mike, who also happens to be a good friend of mine, to check on her since they live close to each other. Surprisingly, it turned out she had stopped communicating with him recently for reasons unknown. After multiple attempts to convince her to visit a doctor proved futile, I warned Jennifer that I might have to request a wellness check.

She finally agreed to let Mike visit to confirm her well-being. Shortly thereafter, she messaged that Mike had been over and confirmed she was okay. However, due to her history of lying, I felt compelled to verify this with Mike, who revealed he hadn't seen her in weeks. Confronted with her silence when I requested a video chat, I proceeded with the wellness check. Later, I received an irate text from Jennifer scolding me for my actions. Subsequent updates revealed she was actually fine, which left me bewildered and hurt by her deception. The day concluded with an aggressive message from her supposed "mother," threatening legal action, which I chose to ignore by blocking the number. It's been about a year, and communication has ceased, leaving me with lingering thoughts about the entire ordeal.

Imagining this scenario playing out in a reality show, the drama and intensity would likely heighten. Cameras following the frantic phone calls, the suspense of the wellness check, and the eventual confrontation could captivate an audience. Viewers might speculate on motives, discuss Jennifer's deceit, and perhaps even side with her for feeling violated. The reveal of her actual health status would be a pivotal moment, possibly leading to public debates about privacy versus concern in friendships.

Currently, we’re providing shelter to my sister Helen and her family after their house suffered damage from Hurricane Helene (yep... bad naming coincidence...). We’ve set some ground rules while they stay with us: they must respect our space, her boys are not allowed in my daughter Lucy’s room, and they need to move out as soon as their home is repaired.

Unfortunately, Helen's sons disregarded these rules and entered Lucy's room, rummaging through her belongings. They discovered one of Lucy’s special compression bras, which she uses for her theater roles. Since she’s been involved in drama from a young age, this bra, which resembles a tank top, is essential for when she needs to portray a boy or a young girl by flattening her chest to suit the character better.

The situation escalated when Helen found the bra and discarded it.

We only noticed it was missing when Lucy was organizing her theatre kit for a play rehearsal. She’s due to play Viola in her school’s rendition of "Twelfth Night," and this bra is vital for her costume. It wasn't just any item; it cost us $50 as most of Lucy's theatre expenses like makeup and costumes are covered by us.

I approached Helen about the issue, insisting she reimburse us so we could replace the item. However, Helen resisted, citing her financial hardships and questioning the appropriateness of Lucy owning such an item. She used the phrase "boys will be boys" to dismiss her sons' behavior. Our mother has always been lenient towards Helen and thinks I’m being overly strict, especially considering Helen's current status as a financially struggling single mother without a home.

All I want is for my daughter’s possessions to be replaced. Is it unreasonable to expect that?

If this scenario unfolded on a reality TV show, viewers might witness heightened drama with hosts and audience reactions potentially split. Some might sympathize with the plight of a family losing their home, while others could argue the importance of respecting belongings and personal space, creating a polarized viewer response.

How would you feel if your relative discarded your belongings?

so I'm stuck in this weird thing where I'm like "OMG UR PROBABLY JUST CONFUSED ABT BEING BI UR NOT ACC" and "OMG IM BI I DONT WANT TO BE" and I keep going back and forth so I'm not even sure if this is about weather I am or not its me accepting it. I'm only 15 so if it doesn't matter and its not that important, but I think maybe focusing on this is like a coping stratagey bc obviously like every other teen I'm deppressed. I'm on anti depressants but we have to keep upping the doses so whenever they sorta get lower I just don't do... anything. I don't care about eating or anything. I just scroll on my phone till the day is over and hope tomorrow is better. anyways I've kinda gone of topic but ehhhh ig it doesn't matter. so if I'm gonna explain why I think I'm bi. Im like a super agreeable person, so when I was like in sixth grade and I started to get a crush on a girl in my grade, (and I didn't even know gay people existed) I just ignored it bc I was like "wth this isn't even a real thing boys date girls and girls date boys" but then I learned that u could date whoever u want to and I was like "ok cool" and at the time I didn't like connect the dots in my head. late 6th grade I remember the girl I was sorta crushing on was like going around saying to all the girls "ur pretty ur pretty" I forget why but when she got to me she said "ur super pretty"(I'm not but it was sweet of her lol) and I got butterflies and stuff. like I lit remember it still and I'm in highschool now DX. and so after that I started like exploring more Abt who I was and stuff I was probably too young to be doing that and I might still be but Idc. eventually I settled on me most likely being pan/bi (but I don't think pan anymore plus ppl make fun of u and I don't find the specific label too important I just need to know if I'm tricking myself in liking girls) and so I told my family and friends and OMG IT WAS SO BAD so one of my friends sent me barfing emojis for like three days, the other had no comment(I'm honestly thankful for just that), and the other other didn't even hear it from me she heard it like a week later and just agreed with the one who sent the barfing emojis bc she was low-key maipulative and just said it to get barf girl to feel like good idk. she later came out as bi herself but ofc everyone got over their homophobia by then......... so in middle school me and that girl (M) started like fake dating? like she called in a platonic marriage and we exchanged rings and all that middle school stuff💀. I remember we held hands in the hallway, kissed each other on the head and hand, and called each other pet names and at some point she told me that she acc sorta liked me but we never acc dated. I honestly felt like we were dating in my mind even if I pretended it was just friends. oh also M was bi. so I eventually told my parents that I was bi and um I'm living in a Christian household and I'm a Christian even though I'm bi bc if I'm honest I think the verses talking about homosexuality are mistranslated and don't apply to today. plus, there wasn't even a word for homosexual in that time (I don't think correct me if I'm wrong this is from a few quick Google searches lol) so my parents were like not kicking me out mad or even mad, they just got, uncomfortable. they said stuff like "we would never hate someone for something like that, but we don't exactly agree with it..." and I just hated feeling so awkward with them. we have always been close and after time had passed and my style had changed and I told my friends I wasn't bi anymore ig things got back to normal and now I'm terrified of messing everything up again. whenever my deppression lifts slightly and I start feeling normal again, I start to think Abt dating and I think of kissing a girl and all those videos I watch of christians say "OH NONO NO HOMO" come back and so I kinda shove it down. I'm pretty almost 1000000% sure I'm not a lesbian, but I feel like I'm not straight either. uhg and I keep going back and forth from beleiveing I'm bi to just being like "am I???? what if I'm faking?" but that might just be in my head.... anywaysssss idrk what else to say if u got this far thx for reading and pls let me know ur opinion Abt anything like weather or not u think I'm bi or smthnnn

I think my sister is narcissistic?

I won't go into to much detail, because the past isn't relavent, but just to quickly summarize our current drama there has been tension between us for months because she wanted to watch a video, I told her no, she got angry at me, then she's made it her life mission to make me is miserable as possible. She shit talked me to all of my friends, told my commissioner to block me, refused to let me get into contact with people who commissioned me (logged me out of my account that I communicate to my customers on, then refused to let me have it back because 'she needed it more'), stole my package because it was "basically hers" cause I owed her a few dollars, She deleted multiple of my projects, she's been logging into my accounts and watching my activity on all of them, and she has been lingering in my room to see if I put anything new into it (she said this herself), and on top of that her lovely gaslighting! She keeps bringing up past events, hating on my friends to justify her honestly torment at this point towards me (things that I did when I was 15, I am currently 19) and it is making me miserable.

I have not been interacting with her because of the way she's been treating me, she finds this frustrating and takes every opportunity that I walk by her to comment on my physical apperance, my personality and my "lack of friends". I chose not to respond. This week, I thought things may have gotten better so I tried to approach her asking a geniune question. It was about tomodachi life, simple conversation, just asking how the game is because she had early access to it, she told be she was unable to run it on her computer, I told her I ordered a physical copy. She immediately accused me of lying, then when I clarfied she started asking me to share it with her, I told her id think about it, this seemed to irritate her even more, she then asked about a previous drama (for short context: she added me into a groupchat with people I was unfaimilar with where they were actively sending explicit photos, they were all alot older then me and they were making some.. interesting.. jokes, I started responding to some of the messages telling them to have some shame, yes it was petty, but there was no reason for her to add me into it) she claimed that me responding to her friends was harassment, and she told me that I should take accountability for it. I honestly, didnt care, I think revealing someone to nude pictures without their knowledge is far worse then a light hearted, almost playful, "have some shame". So I, yes im petty, ignored her, walked downstairs.

She follows me downstairs, screaming at me and calling me slurs, saying that im a harasser for sending messages in the groupchat and blaming me for giving her a panic attack when she saw me message in the groupchat. I told her to leave me alone, and stop harassing me, it was mocking, I kept repeating it over and over again to use her own logic against her, so shed leave me alone. I was being cocky, but I wasnt getting mad or verbally aggressive with her, she starts screaming that I never listen to her, I tell her that ive heard it 1000 times and im tired of her lies. she proudly declares she deleted my projects, I tell I already started a new one, So i dont care, she says good. She then goes on this whole tangent about how nobody in my family loves me, how im worthless and once my family sees through my "lies" they wont love me anymore, she says im insecure, lonely and manipulative, she says this is the reason why I dont have any friends. She goes on to call me the devils reincarnate, says that I had a master plan to make all her friends stop liking her (they stopped liking her because she sabatoged their reputations with blatant and lies, called them slurs, horrible names, blocked them everywhere, started a whole smear campaign against them i swear then expected them to come back to her. they disliked her for a reason.) She just said alot of awful things about me but I wasnt letting it get to me, I pointed out that she physically hurt me during an altercation, where she involved my mother, who looked at all the evidence and realized that my sister was lying once again, when my sister got caught, she pulled out her phone, recorded me, screamed and berated me, then threw a very thick dog treat that ended up hitting my head. I told her that somehow she finds this acceptable, but me messagign in the groupchat was a crime, she tried to go back to the groupchat, I told her I dont care, and I dont have anything to be sorry for, it was petty and stupid yes, but its not nearly as intense as anything shes done (PETTY I KNOW!). She cant win the argument because im tryna act like nothings getting under my skin, she screams that Im a worhtless loser as shes going up, I respond more mad this time, I say that she is the jobless one with no education so who is the real loser, she then screams "atleast im not ugly!" i asked her to repeat herself she calls me a "chud" and runs upstairs.

I told my mom word for word what happened, and my mum confronted my sister about it, and guess what my sister did. She told my mom that I lied and none of that happened, she told her that I started a conversation with her so (??) i couldnt hear her point, but she was denying everything, saying that I lied to gaslight and manipulate my mum into sympathizing and feeling sorry for me, then when my mom called her out on her lie, she screamed off the top of her lungs, got extremely aggressive, insulted me some more, then ran off.

Ive been spending time in the basement because im afraid of her temper and want to be left alone, ive been doing my homework and studying. She comes down, says that I am fat once again, says that I am hogging the tv (mind you, theyve been using the basement tv for three days in a row now), i tell her its not a crime to enjoy the new watching space she gets mad once again because ugh its alot of bickering, then she gets mad at me for rewatching invicinble, she calls me a "larp" (which means poser in the new age) and gets really mad that im watching invincible its so random, shes more mad about that then anything else, then she storms off.

What is her problem. Im also worried cause I was venting on my instagram account (THE NIGHT BEFORE) about how I felt lonely in the family cause everyone had their person but me, and then shes bringing up that im lonely unloved and nobody in the family cares about me. Do you think shes watching my instragram stories on my private account somehow? Im being really paranoid, sure, but shes been logging into all my stuff and that was like so ultra specific!

she even went through all my text messages with me and my mum! so i'm terrified to know how much control she has over my stuff-- I changed the passwords for now but I still feel paranoid as hell! I can't believe I trusted her with so much of my sensitive information. Its not the first time we got into a small argument which she escalates and tries to do anything in her power to hurt me! she's literally used her long nails to dig very aggressively into my arms when I told her that mum told her to take out the trash once, its not unlike her to get aggressive with me but it gets annoying when she cried harassment over a discord message but she physically hurts me, stalks me and is just creepy! She even admitted to me not even a week ago about how she dosen't actually care about any of this stuff she's just annoyed with me and everyone! so like-- what do i even do! this isn't even emotional its for the love of them game!

Do I just ignore her again? Im honestly scared of her.

It’s not love, nor a situationship, nor even friendship. It’s just two strangers who met one night. He started to open up to her comfortably, like he never had before. They are also neighbors, but on different floors.

The issue here is that he opened up to a woman who barely knows herself. She has zero self-confidence, overthinks everything, feels numb, and what’s worse, she is an attention seeker.

They almost had the same childhood trauma. She felt bad that he went through all that at such a young age. Exactly two weeks passed, filled with the best memories together, until he asked her for the third time to come to his room just for coffee. She accepted only because he asked in a way that made her feel like she was being questioned: “Why don’t you trust me?”

In his room, he kept assuring her that she was comfortable by asking and offering tea and snacks. It started with her crying when he told her why he has a missing finger and that he had tried to kill himself, but thankfully only lost his finger. Here, she started to tear up, trying to hide it, but when he saw it, he tried to calm her down and hugged her. She didn’t push away; she hugged him too.

When she was fully calm, she said, “We shouldn’t touch.” Then he replied, “I didn’t know what to do when I saw you like that.”

On other nights, she showed him her gloves and jokingly said, “We can hold hands with gloves on.” Then they were playing with the wheelchair like kids. He hugged her, and she didn’t pull away but hugged him more. He asked her, “Do you want to take off your gloves?” She said okay. On other nights, he asked how her hair looked and said he wanted to see it. She said she wanted to show him her hair but couldn’t (she is hijabi), but she did take it off.

On other nights, they started to hug in silence for hours and sleep together (clothed). All of that happened within one month.

Then one night, at the end of the month, she said, “Could we go back to being friends?” She wanted to argue, but he just said okay. Then he offered her to sit while he went aside. She said, “I want to leave,” and she left.

Here is what she told him exactly that night:

“I want to be friends like we used to be before. I know you like to talk comfortably alone, but we could meet in any garden outside and talk. I just don’t like where our friendship is going, and I know it’s against my religion. You know that was never me.”

He said, “I understand, and you are right. Actually, I am sorry that I hurt you. I know you are a good girl, and I pushed you to come here. And by the way, I spread Islam. See the Quran you gave me; I gave it to a friend. As you know, I don’t read English; I read it in my language.”

Then he walked to the edge of his bed (beside the window) to smoke and moved the chair toward her. “Sit,” he said. She replied, “I’m going to leave.” “Okay,” he replied.

Two days passed in silence. She asked him what was going on with their friendship.

He said, “You wanted that.”

She replied, “I said friends, not strangers.”

He said, “This is better for you. I don’t want to hurt you again, and I actually changed because every word you said was right. You are going to be okay.”

She said, “I didn’t mean to break the friendship. How can we fix it?”

He kept repeating his words, and she kept asking. In the end, he said, “Do you really want it to be fixed?”

She said yes.

He said, “Come.”

She came. They repeated the same conversation. Then he asked her, “Can we hug for the last time?” She said yes without hesitation. Then they slept together like before. He said, “This is going to be our last night.”

Then she left.

Two weeks of silence passed, then they met by coincidence. “How are you?” he asked.

“I’m okay. I missed how we were before,” she said.

“I know, I missed it too, but that’s good for you. You will be fine, don’t worry,” he said.

A week later, she texted him “hello” but deleted the chat, not realizing the message itself wasn’t deleted. The next night, he replied “hello.” She forgot she had even texted him, so the conversation went: hi, hi, hi. Then she said, “Man, say something other than hi.”

“Wanna come?” he asked.

She replied, “Really or a joke?”

“For only one hour,” he said.

“Okay,” she said.

They met, but that night was different from any other night.

She told him she started vaping. He told her not to, that it’s bad. He said he started to have chest cramps from vaping and advised her to stop. Then they started hugging. For the first time, they had sex. He kept asking if she was comfortable. They finished, and she left.

During those two weeks, she started to look for a therapist so she could understand herself and learn how to express her emotions, but that needed time. She went for a faster solution and vaped for the first time, although she knew she wasn’t allowed to, but she bought one anyway.

As time passed, her body started to give her warning signs due to the vape. She has anemia, so she simply threw the vape away.

A week passed. He texted her, “Are you asleep?”

“Trying to,” she said.

He asked her to come, but she said they could meet outside (she knew he would say no). He replied, “You know I just came back home, it’s okay, just forget it.”

“Okay, night then,” she replied.

The next day, she texted him, and they met. That night was short; they just kept staring at each other, then hugged. She told him she was on her period and that’s why she looked tired. They kept hugging until he fell asleep on her shoulder. She woke him up, told him to go to bed, and said she would leave. She left.

A couple of hours later, he posted a story of a depressed man. She commented, “Man, this photo says a lot.”

He replied, “I am okay.”

She replied, “You know I’m around whenever you need, even if it’s just sitting in silence.”

She feels bad for him, as she keeps telling herself that he is using her, but she isn’t sure yet whether he is honest with her or playing.

They both aren’t ready for marriage, and they don’t want to be a couple. Also, neither has feelings for the other.

I feel drained tbh, my bestfriend blocked me today and I can't sleep.. I keep crying.. and pleading for forgiveness like a pathetic loser, which is I am a pathetic loser, I didn't mean to tease him too far I just wanna have fun, but I think the fun is too much.. I pushed it too far, I'm sorry

I am 38, male, and this is just a report, not a poem, not a cry, not a lesson, just a dump like on /vent because that is what this site is for. I wake up, I go to work, I fail quietly, I come back, I eat trash, I sleep, repeat, that is the system. I never had a girlfriend, not once, not even the fake high school one people lie about to seem normal. Women never looked at me like a person, more like furniture or a problem to avoid, and yeah I know you will say “it’s your personality” or “work on yourself” because that is the standard script, quoted endlessly like a broken motivational poster. I am not saying I deserve love, I am saying the data shows I never had it, and after 38 years the trend line is pretty clear. No close friends either, no one texting me first, no one asking how I am unless it is HR pretending to care. At work I suck, not in a dramatic way, just enough to always be behind, always be the guy who “tries” but never advances, and you know what happens to guys like that. People say life is about “small joys” and “gratitude” but that sounds like marketing language invented to sell books to losers like me. Objectively speaking, if you remove romance, social validation, and competence, what is left that makes this worth repeating every day.

I am not writing this to shock you, I am writing it because I am tired of pretending this is some deep mystery. Men like me are told to shut up and improve or die quietly, and women are framed as prizes we failed to unlock, which makes everyone worse. I can be rude about it because honesty is rude now. When you go decades without touch, without being chosen, without even being hated passionately, it does something boring to your brain, not tragic, just empty. People quote Nietzsche or Camus about meaning, like “one must imagine Sisyphus happy”, but Sisyphus at least had a story and an audience. I have a cubicle and a login. Therapy is another quote machine, more phrases like “reframe your narrative” and “challenge your assumptions”, as if this is a creative writing class and not a statistical dead end. Women don’t owe me anything, fine, but reality doesn’t owe me hope either, so why is hope mandatory. This is the part where someone says “it gets better” with zero evidence, or links a study, or tells me to lift weights, as if muscle mass fixes being invisible. I am not angry all the time, I am tired, which is different and more permanent; do you really think repeating an unwinnable routine counts as living.

Here is the clean version, stripped of drama and insults, like a lab note. Subject is 38, male, isolated, underperforming, unloved, future probability of change low based on past behavior. External incentives minimal. Internal motivation degraded. That is it. I am not standing on a bridge, I am sitting at a desk typing because typing fills time. People confuse questioning life with wanting to die, but those are not identical, one is philosophical and one is logistical. I can ask “what is the point of living” the same way someone asks “what is the point of this job” without planning to quit today. Still, if you are reading this, answer honestly, not kindly, not with slogans. If you had my stats, my face, my history, my absence of proof that effort pays off, would you continue out of principle alone. Or is life just something we keep doing because stopping would make other people uncomfortable. I read quotes, I read threads, I read success stories, and they all assume a baseline I never had. Maybe the point is just to run the clock until it ends, maybe there is no point and we are supposed to admit that, maybe meaning is a luxury item. I don’t know, and I am not asking for rescue, I am asking for accuracy. If the answer is “there is no point but you do it anyway”, say that. If the answer is “there is a point and you missed it”, say that too. I am detached enough to hear it.

I did post a story on this before, but it’s not showing up (gulp), so i’m doing it again. I’m not sure if this is the place where i’m supposed to post about this stuff but i have this issue. I like this tv show. A LOT. It’s been months (probably an understatement), where i can only really think about it. My mind turns everything into a reference, i’m always quoting it and i’m just constantly thinking about it. I’ve even caught myself embarrassing myself in class because the teacher called on me to answer a question which i didn’t know the answer to because i was thinking about that show.

Is this a normal thing or am i going crazy? My friends joke and say it’s like a hyper fixation, but i thought only neurodivergent people get those and im not diagnosed with anything. (At least i think it’s just neurodivergent people, im not sure. I haven’t really done much research so sorry if i sound stupid). I just need to know if other people have been through this and i’m not a weirdo for constantly thinking about it.