Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

[Translated from Spanish. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

I feel like I had a good day today. I felt clearheaded as I reflected on the nature of my relationship with my father, which until recently had been extremely tangled—and therefore problematic.

My father lives with his partner and her daughter, and I live separately. There’s a sister I know nothing about, and my mother is a shared figure between us whom we both have essentially discarded due to her abusive behavior and controlling tendencies. My father still interacts with that whole group—except with me. Our interaction is practically nonexistent.

He lives with that pair, has to work with my mother, and I have no idea what kind of relationship he has with my sister. Essentially, my father carries a heavier family load than I do, on top of working and studying. As for me, I don’t have much of a family context. I work and explore creative outlets. In that sense, I assume I have more flexibility, though I don’t waste time either—unlike him. Our reflections come from different modes: his from contrast with a loaded family routine, and mine from being detached from such a routine. In the end, it leads us to the same thing.

My father provides financially—he pays for my housing and gives me money for small luxuries. I, on the other hand, cover my own breakfast, lunch, and dinner, house cleaning costs, snacks, and personal entertainment. In that way, we’re even.

We both stay in our own spaces—he in his academic bubble, and I in my freedom. I’ve left behind the academic setting as a symbol of discarding the past, while he reclaims it by investing in expanding his knowledge. Both of us, in our own ways, have tried to break away from the events of the past. However, things resurfaced after a long period of imposed silence.

That silence stemmed from problems with my stepmother. Contact resumed when I began expressing things I hadn’t voiced during that time. After that, my father started controlling me through opaque conditions, designed to avoid disapproval on either side and to prevent conflict. Eventually, I stopped playing by those rules, to the point of disrupting the family structure—just as he had once disrupted my principles of freedom and personal growth. That led to a kind of balance: he and I have both suffered the same, so now we can approach each other with both caution and independence. From this, I conclude that I’m safe and sound in regard to this relationship.

Being able to visualize this long-evolving dynamic in an organized way gives me the clarity to approach other relationships that I now need to study more closely.

Now, I’m approaching a young woman. She’s in a misogynistic relationship—against her will—trapped in a group dynamic that pushes her to stay, even though it benefits only her partner. He retains dominance because he hasn’t been subjected to guilt or rejection like she has. She’s had to face rejection from both families involved in the relationship, while he remained accepted by both. She reached out to me over a year ago, seeking a transition—a way out of that group and into something with me. And I believe we’re making progress. Based on my observations, that relationship is doomed to end over time. I feel hopeful, knowing she’ll be safe and free to grow. And I’ll have the honor of witnessing the evolution of a masterpiece—human freedom and diversification.

I used to think her relationship mirrored the one I had with my father. But it turns out to be the opposite. In her case, she fought hard to maintain the relationship and ended up rejected by both families. In my situation, I fought for justice against the abuse from both my mother and stepmother. I didn’t necessarily depend on my father’s support, though at times he offered some. In the first case, neither of us were accepted. In the second, I wasn’t. That part mirrors her story. But I wasn’t fighting to keep the relationship with my father—I felt that relationship was already safe. If I go deeper, in the first case I was defending my father from my mother’s abuse, which even he couldn’t justify. In the second, with my stepmother, the conflict began because I wanted to prevent her from interfering in our relationship. In that sense, the girl and I are similar.

When I reconnected with her, after her ordeal with the two families, she was conditioned into blind obedience to her partner—much like I was with my father. She expressed this openly, and like me, she got involved in activities that exercised the mind and helped her move forward. That happened with my support. With those experiences, I began to take back ground that had been dominated by her partner—just as I had done with my father. And so, she ended up under my influence, although I never ruled out the possibility of her reconnecting with her partner. So maybe it doesn’t make sense to say I helped her leave that relationship—she had already left, even if I was physically beside her.

Then, once I regained those points of influence, the only thing left for her was to stop letting her partner control those same points. But that doesn’t happen just by distancing—it takes initiative to reclaim them. That’s how autonomy is achieved. With my father, I reclaimed those points and then learned how to hold influence without using it—creating balance and empathy. With her, the goal would be for her to reclaim influence and apply it to her partner, to reach a similar empathetic point. That would create enough separation to finally end that relationship. This reclaiming process could be seen as her learning from my way of doing things.

So now the question is: When will she decide to take that step? Should I wait for her? What do I do in the meantime? Based on this reasoning, she needs to take the initiative. That’s why the question arises—and that’s why I must wait. But since I have no idea what her current situation is, I also need to assume she’s not present. So I must continue with my life as if she’s not there, because I lack the context. I don’t know when she’ll reclaim those points, or under what conditions.

At this stage in my life, I can’t factor her into the equation. I have to assume she’s no longer part of it. There’s no continuation—nothing more to do for now. Any thoughts I have about her current life would only be speculation, born from assumptions that don’t belong to me. And it’s precisely from that place that she must begin again, if she chooses to.

I feel like no matter what I do I'm just never good enough. and I try so hard and that's the part that hurts so bad because all I do is work work work and it seem like no matter how much advice take or "constructive criticism" they throw at me Im just never good enough for them whether it's gymnastics singing dancing acting I'm just never good enough I just felt like a disappointment . I have parents to support me and ridicule me at the same time and sometimes I just want to run away and never come back I wish I could but I'm not going to I just want to feel free and sometimes I don't feel me anymore I remember when I was younger and being The Golden child wasn't so bad but I'm supposed to be perfect in whatever I do and when I'm not and I cry because I feel like I have to be they tell me not to and that is not that big of a deal but then at the same time they keep telling me that it is.im going insane I just wish I was better at venting my feelings to the people that I know but when I try to so hard but I think that's all I have right now because I've been crying all night and my head hurts so bad. bye darlings have a good day

sincerely,

Melody (13 f)

hey, i’m not sure where to start this. me and my ex were together for a year and we broke up a year ago because he was really avoidant and manipulative. i got with a new guy pretty quickly after because he treated me so well i felt like he was saving me from the past relationship because it was so terrible. anyways fast forward to now, im still with my current bf and im happy with him but every now and then i do think about my ex but i dont have feelings for him. I just found out he has a new girlfriend and idk how to feel. it’s been a year since we broke up yet i feel a tiny bit jealous. feeling jealous about it makes me feel so guilty since i have a bf. i’m just not sure if it’s normal to be a little jealous even though you’re in a happy relationship. maybe i never got closure in that relationship? i’m not sure. i did end things suddenly and completely stopped talking to him because i was just fed up with the way he treated me. when we broke up i wished him the best and left. an hour later he sent me a long paragraph about how everything was my fault and how he thought i was cheating on him?? i didn’t respond to that because it was just so disrespectful compared to what i said to him. anyways i literally just found out about his new gf and i hope i get over this little jealousy, but if i dont does that mean i still have feelings for him? or need closure? if i needed closure and had to contact him to talk about it i would feel very guilty again bc of my bf. anyways i would appreciate any advice thank u!

My father and his new wife, both having lost their previous spouses, found solace in each other's company when I and my soon-to-be stepsister were just about five years old. They met through a support group for widowed parents, or at least, that's what they've always claimed. I've always had a sneaking suspicion that their romantic involvement kicked off far sooner than they're willing to admit, possibly because they're uncomfortable with the idea of having moved on so quickly given the circumstances and having young kids involved.

Life for us kids morphed into a mesh of shared outings and sleepovers, blending our families even before we truly recognized what was happening. My stepsister, Katie, was a particularly reserved child, hypersensitive to any form of critique and exceedingly shy. I found myself almost forced into the role of her protector and confidante, responsibilities that felt cumbersome even at a young age. When our parents finally revealed they were indeed a couple, my frustration only deepened as I realized Katie and I were indefinitely bound beyond mere friendship.

Katie clung to me incessantly in school, trailing my footsteps which only amplified my resentment. My father’s idea of us blossoming into sisters seemed more a figment of his desires than a feasible reality. Despite his insistence, my protests about needing personal space and time with other friends fell on seemingly deaf ears.

The arrival of our half-siblings only intensified the household dynamics. While I adored them, it was obvious my affection wasn’t mirrored towards Katie, which didn't go unnoticed by my stepmother. Accusations of favoritism and causing discord amongst the siblings were hurled at me, even though Katie's own aloofness contributed to her isolation. Efforts to integrate her more into our lives through family therapy were short-lived, mainly because the sessions didn't align with what my parents hoped to achieve.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was their plan for Katie and me to embark on our college journeys together. Desperate to maintain my autonomy, I secretly coordinated with my grandfather to escape this overbearing setup. This June, I moved in with him, opting for a local community college instead, much to my parents' dismay upon discovery. The backlash was severe – accusations of deceit and selfishness were rampant.

If my life were part of a reality show, I imagine viewers might be fiercely divided. Some would likely celebrate my quest for independence, while others might criticize it as selfish and rash. It would certainly stir up plenty of debates on family dynamics and individuality versus family obligations.

Am I wrong for wanting to pursue my own path? Was it right for me to move out and avoid attending college with my stepsister?

it's kinda hard to deal with the realization that you’re gay after trying to convince yourself for years that you’re straight. like, I wanted to fit in, y'know? society puts so much pressure on us to be this ideal version. I've dated girls, gone through the motions, but deep down it didn’t feel right. hiding was easier. I thought that maybe I just hadn’t met the right girl or I was just going through a phase; but here I am at 19, alone with my thoughts, and it hits like a ton of bricks. my friends don’t get it, and sometimes I don’t either. they talk about girls like it’s the best thing ever while I’m just sitting there, nodding along, feeling so disconnected from what they’re saying. I thought about it a lot, questioning if I’d ever come out. what if no one understands? you know what I mean? 😕

there's a part of me that wonders if everyone else is just pretending or if I'm the odd one out. I can't shake off this feeling like I’m pretending to be someone I’m not; like a whole life crafted around a lie. every time I scroll through social media, I think about how many people are living authentically. and here I am, struggling to embrace my truth. sometimes it feels like I'm caught in a cycle of denial, questioning my feelings—was I wired differently? was it all just confusion? I start overthinking, feeling negative and doubt creeping in like a shadow. it’s perplexing, yet oddly comforting to finally have a label yet still feel so unsure about every aspect of it. I wonder, does anyone else understand this? do you feel this stuckness too; do you know what that's like?

Why does my girl best friend always constantly stay with her boyfriend even when he always lies to her and doesn’t spend much time with her( just for context both of them are my best friends I had been best friends with my boy best friend before they got together)

So let’s just call my girl best friend Amy and my boy best friend Ethan

So Amy always complains to me that Ethan is always hiding his phone and she eventually gets to the bottom of it where he has got pictures of girls on his phone and he is lying about having them, she has “broken up” with him too many times and I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t know what to tell her anymore coz I say to her it’s up to you what you do it’s not my relationship, she still goes back to him and forgives him but how many times is she going to repeat the same things all the time and she gets mad, upset and even blocks him and then unblocks him and then is all perfectly normal with him the next day , he always gets annoyed at me or take it out on me if he is frustrated about something but never his own girlfriend like I’m his best friend not a verbal punch bag, she never confronts him about it because she will get upset about how he will react, she doesn’t confront about him about certain things coz he always reacts the same he gets in a mood with her, he says I’m not doing this, I’m not listening to what you are saying because you are constantly going on,a woman has the right to say what she is feeling and if it is bothering her then she should be able to talk about it without someone getting annoyed about it or doesn’t want to listen because men know they are in the wrong they just don’t care, so what do I do about this guys

ive always been different. even when i was little i noticed it. i had meltdowns at school and sometimes i would run out of the classroom. everything got too loud and too confusing. kids stayed away from me. some were scared. i got bullied a lot. it made me think something was wrong with me.

i wanted friends. i wanted to be like everyone else. but i didnt know how. it felt like i missed out on learning something everyone else just knew. my parents tried to help. they got me on meds and into therapy. it didnt fix how alone i felt. it just made me feel guilty for being a problem.

growing up i barely had any friends. most of the time i was by myself. even in high school, when it seemed like everyone had groups and plans and people to count on, i had maybe two or three people i could really trust. and even then i was scared. i felt like if they ever knew the real me, they might leave too. and if they did, i would have no one.

im bi but i dont tell people. its not because im ashamed. its because im terrified of losing the little bit of connection i have. i know if i tell the wrong person, i could lose the only friends i trust. and if that happens, thats it. im alone again. completely. and i dont know if i can handle that. id rather hide it and keep something than be honest and lose everything.

the only thing that worked for me was baseball. when i played, i wasnt different. i was just part of a team. ive played since i was a kid. no vacations, no parties, no normal stuff. just baseball.

for a while that was enough.

now i know im probably not going to make it. im not getting drafted. im not going to play pro. and i dont know what to do without it. it was never just a game to me. it was my whole life.

now im studying accounting. im good at numbers, maybe because of my autism. people say its a smart choice. they say it will get me a good job. but i dont like it. its just surviving. working and paying bills and doing it all again the next day. i hate it. i hate that dreams dont matter unless they make money.

i thought about coaching but it doesnt pay enough. so i have to give that up too.

i feel stuck most days. like i missed too much already and now im building a life that wont make me happy. people told me i was going to do great things. and now if im not the best at something, i feel like im nothing.

i dont talk about this much. i dont want to make it anyone elses problem. i dont want to just survive. i want to actually live.

So.. i have tried to calm down a bit but i still want to kill this childish woman.. my boss who hasnt paid me for my work just posted on instagram all about her new cane corso she recently flew home from ITALY... All while complaining how her company is all fucked and someone has been stealing from her... But all the employed (+me) knows she is a narcissistic crazy person who just "forgot" she cant use her company's money on dogs and cars.. and is now blaming everyone else. SO I have reached out to some people and I hope for everyone's sake that she stays far away from my home town that she invaded with her "oh so perfect summer bar" that turned out to be a shitshow and she couldnt realize that it doesnt help the restaurant one bit to give stuff out for free... This is the rant of the day.. i just dont know what to do at this point avout this evil little fly

You say I always treat you bad and that I'm and ungrateful little b. But. Honestly when have you ever been nice to me? Bc I'm pretty sure that constantly snapping at me for every minor inconvience, blaming your every problem on me, threathing to hurt me or worse, unvalidating my feelings and efforts, talking crap about me, criticizing everything i do, looking for arguements every second and faking being worried about me Just to make me the bad guy and you the bleeding Heart victing---Just ain't It tbh. Don't expect me to act any better than what you've shown me. You don't deserve It.

Recently, I've been under the weather with what seems like a cold, and my partner, Emily, handed me some homeopathic remedies to help out. I ended up not taking them because I'm convinced that homeopathy is ineffective, simply offering sugar pills instead of real treatment. Emily was quite upset by this and called me narrow-minded.

When I mentioned the situation to my mom, she also felt that homeopathy wasn’t scientifically sound but suggested I could have just accepted Emily’s gesture or refused more tactfully since those sugar pills wouldn’t have harmed me. From my perspective, taking them would only reinforce the misconception of their efficacy, especially when I naturally recover, and Emily credits the homeopathic "medicine".

Was my reaction unjustified?

Imagine if this were all playing out on a reality show. Cameras rolling, capturing every detail of the disagreement between Emily and me, not to mention the family input. Viewers would probably be divided. Some might applaud sticking to scientific principles, while others might criticize the lack of compromise in a relationship. It would definitely stir up some drama!

So I’m a 29-year-old guy, and I guess you could say I’ve hit that stage where life has shifted gears pretty fast, and now I’m stuck reflecting on what it means to still be a good friend when my circumstances have changed so drastically; my best friend and I have been close for more than 15 years, practically brothers, and while I’ve always thought of myself as someone dependable, consistent, and available, I can’t help but feel lately that I’ve been falling short in those categories because starting a family has naturally consumed a lot of my time, energy, and emotional bandwidth, and I don’t want him to feel left behind or like he’s not as important anymore because that is absolutely not true, but it’s tough, really tough, to maintain that same level of commitment when you’re balancing a full-time job, parenting duties, home maintenance tasks, and just the overall operational workload that comes with adult life 😅. We used to hang out almost every weekend, talk almost daily, and share every little update about our lives, whether it was venting about work stress, sharing new music we discovered, or just sitting in silence playing video games like we always did; now, our conversations are fewer, our meetups are sporadic, and most of the time I’m the one having to reschedule or cancel plans because something came up with my wife or kid, and although he says he understands, I can’t shake off the feeling that maybe he doesn’t completely, or maybe he just doesn’t want to admit it because he doesn’t want to pressure me, but in reality, it makes me feel like I’m letting him down when I know he probably misses the old dynamic as much as I do. I’ve been reading a bit about emotional labor, time management frameworks, and the importance of maintaining social capital, and while I can apply these theories at work or when organizing family commitments, applying them to a friendship feels oddly transactional, which is not what I want, because I don’t want our relationship to feel like I’m just “slotting him in” whenever I can, but sometimes that’s exactly what it looks like, and it frustrates me. I wonder—do I owe it to him to be more proactive? Should I set recurring reminders to check in, even if it’s just sending a meme or voice note? Would that feel authentic or robotic??? What does being a better friend actually mean in this stage of adulthood??? Is it quality over quantity now, or should I fight harder for quantity too??? I think back to all those years when he was always there for me without question, and it makes me worry that now he needs me more than ever, and I’m too distracted or occupied to notice. Some people say true friends don’t need to talk every day, and when they reconnect, it’s like no time has passed, but does that still hold weight when one person might silently feel the gap more than the other? There’s this concept in organizational psychology about “relational maintenance strategies,” and I wonder if I should treat our friendship in that structured sense—open communication, assurances, shared activities, even if limited—because clearly I need to recalibrate; I don’t want to overthink this, but I also don’t want to assume everything’s fine when maybe it isn’t. I want to learn how to balance the dual responsibilities of being a present family man while also not dropping the ball on a friendship that has been foundational to who I am, and maybe that means I have to be more intentional about the little things, like shooting him a quick text during lunch breaks, or planning something once a month no matter what, even if it’s just a coffee or quick catch-up call, because consistency might matter more now than spontaneity. At the same time, I also don’t want to ignore the fact that relationships evolve, and maybe he’s okay with less contact and I’m the one projecting, but if that’s the case, wouldn’t it still be polite and respectful to actually ask him rather than assume??? I guess what I’m really struggling with is how to reconcile this new version of my life with the old, without feeling guilty, because guilt doesn’t help anyone, and yet it lingers, making me doubt whether I’m doing enough, whether I’m being enough, and whether I even know what the definition of a “good friend” is anymore.

I keep circling back to the question: is friendship supposed to adjust naturally to life stages, or should it be actively managed like a project with KPIs and feedback loops??? That sounds sterile, but when time is scarce, intentionality is everything, right??? Maybe the real answer is to simply communicate—tell him what I feel, ask him directly what he needs, and go from there, instead of assuming or silently carrying this pressure on my own. What do you think—does being a better friend mean doing more, or just being more open??? 🤔

I’d really love to hear other perspectives because I know I’m not the only one facing this type of transition; do you think I’m overthinking it??? Or maybe underdoing it??? What would you expect from a friend if you were in his position??? Thanks for listening.

At this point, I don't know what to do. I just want help, school is really getting to me, and it makes me feel like I'm pathetic or something. My family thinks it's just cause I'm lazy, and don't want to do the work, but I'm really just trying to deal with my mental health at the moment and it feels like it's only getting worse. I really just want help, and don't want to go to school, I end up crying every morning because of it, I don't have friends, and I realized I get distracted in class by how much people are in the room and can't help but feel like everyone talks behind my back, or looking at me. This probably takes place from when I got bullied in elementary school, they all talked behind my back, and I had to sit outside beside the classroom while they were talking about me, right beside me. I thought giving one of them money would make them closer to me but she ended up being the one that started talking behind my back first. I started homeschooling because of it, for a couple years, and moved to a different school. I don't know what to do with me life, I can't help but feel no one gaf about me, and they'll only care if I'm gone. I have lots of trouble making friends, and interacting with people, I have one person who makes me feel seen, and like they care, he's super sweet, he makes me feel like a person, and makes me wanna become a better person. But for now I don't know what to do. It's the same cycle, where I end up in a really depressed sate for a whole week, then feel better, then depressed all over again, I just want help

this story is based around my sister and what she does/is doing now she’s on her period(she’s almost eighteen btw and im younger). So last night I had went into the bathroom to use the bathroom while she was taking a shower and she just asked me a simple request of getting her chocolate milk and Dr Pepper and her cheesecake and since I’m a good sister I do, then she sees that and says “oh hey, im on my period so im prob gonna be asking for a lot” and I say okay because she usually always asks me for small things like getting her a drink and im used to that even though it is frustrating. But tonight I finally had enough because she has been forcing me to do so much for her like making her food even though she’s already in the kitchen and getting her money and getting her a drink and I feel like she’s just using that to her advantage. And I even turned the sound off of our microwave to avoid waking up our mom and as soon as I go to sit in the living room she turns it back on to try and get me to go over there and start making her food again. And not to mention she’s trying to gaslight(idk the proper word for it) me into making her food “properly” even though im doing it how she normally does it. And she said “okay but you usually come to me so I can stir my food and then you put it in for another minute” and when I dump it out and make her a new batch of noodles she starts to complain that they “weren’t” cooked even though they were, they were just soggy because of the water. And she could not comprehend that fact. And she’s been using the excuse that she was tired and that it’s only fair because she’s working and im not(im not even old enough to get a good job yet with good hours like her job) and she has been making me do all of the tougher chores like the kitchen and bathroom(bc she has a “weak” stomach) and all she does is just sweep the floors and dust and she usually bounces out halfway done sweep and makes me do the rest along with vacuuming and mopping most of the time. And she says it’s only fair because she buys me food(which is only when our parents force her to which is barely) and like im thinking “yo wtf you don’t have to, you’re forcing yourself to” and I don’t think she gets the fact that i have enough money to buy my own food either. Because I can pay her or my mom to buy me food and they will just as long as I pay them for it. And a while ago she asked if I had money to buy me food and I said no and a little bit after that my dad gave me some money as allowance and when she found out she was all like “okay so then you were lying to me about having no money just for free food?” And I tried to explain to her that it was after that and she didn’t even believe me and made a big deal about it. And the funniest thing about all of this is the fact that she expects us to be all buddy-buddy after this

My parents are really too in my business, yet not enough.

They are such hypocrites, saying this and doing another, thinking it doesn't apply to them because they're adults.

One time, I didn't want to wear the dress my mother chose for me for a party and she slapped me, grabbed my hair, pulled me and told me to pack my things and get out (I was 14).

Today, my father asked me to put my creme on (bcs of my eczema), I put the recommended amount (and the amount said in the instructions) on and told me to put some more even though it could give me rashes and itchiness all week. He started yelling at me for being too "stupid", even though the instructions were in French, the doctor who gave me the instructions spoke French and guess what? The frigging pharmacy who gave me recommendations spoke French. HE DOESNT SPEAK FRENCH. My mother sided with him, like the "good wife" she is. They expect "respect" yet they aren't decent human beings.

I have good grades at school, not to please, but to have a good future and run away from home the minute I get a steady income. (I'm 15 btw).

In October, a situation unfolded that has since left my daughter giving me the cold shoulder and barely speaking to me. Here's what happened: My daughter, Emily, has a part-time job she attends after school for five days each week. This Halloween, her high school hosted a costume contest, and she and her buddies decided to participate as a group. After school, they went shopping for costumes together.

I fetched Emily and her friends from the store and saw the costumes they picked out. Emily spent $80 on her costume, which immediately set me off. I felt that it was an extravagant amount to spend on an outfit she'd only wear once, for a few hours at that. I voiced my opinion right there in the car, telling her it was a waste of money. After dropping her friends off, I took Emily back to the store and insisted she return the costume and any accessories she bought.

Consequently, her friends found someone else to fill her spot in their group. They ended up winning the contest and each got a portion of a $100 Visa gift card. On Halloween, Emily returned home from school visibly upset, feeling left out from the festivities and fun her friends had. I tried explaining to her that even after the prize split, she’d have lost more money by buying the costume than she’d have gained, but she couldn't see the logic.

A month on and Emily is still upset, barely interacting with me. Her father, my ex-husband, argues that I deprived her of a memorable experience with her friends, emphasizing that her job already causes her to miss out on plenty. He believes I should've allowed her this indulgence. My intention was only to teach her the value of money and the importance of making sensible financial choices. Could a cheaper costume not have sufficed, especially since it was to be worn briefly?

Imagine if this dilemma were aired on a reality TV show. Viewers might be split, with some applauding the lesson in financial prudence while others sympathize with a teenager wanting to bond with her peers over a special occasion. The discussion might bring various parenting styles to light, each defending what they believe is the right balance between guidance and freedom.

Was I wrong in my decision to make her return the Halloween costume?