Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

For a month now, I have felt many negative emotions (more than usual) and have been extremely demotivated in my life.

I think my boyfriend is also unhappy because of my current state and I feel guilty. Right now I am so weak mentally, it's hard to change. I am trying but the efforts are so big and the results so tiny.

I wish I could see a therapist but i can't afford to see one at the moment.

I feel so helpless.

Any tips on how to shift mindset? or how to be more gentle with myself? idk i just wanna change, i hate myself

discovering my husband's infidelity has left me in an emotional quagmire. i'm a 51-year-old woman who thought she'd seen it all. yet here i am, blindsided by betrayal. it's like being shocked awake from a pleasant dream into a cold and harsh reality. my heart feels like it's been shattered into a million little pieces, and all logic dictates that tears should be streaming down my face. but nothing happens. why can't i cry when i want to??? i wonder, silently questioning my emotional resilience—or lack thereof. isn't it human to express sorrow this way?

i know that confronting him would be tempestuous and I plan to ask for a divorce. but this sense of numbness is troubling me deeply. does the body go on some kind of emotional strike when it senses too much despair, i wonder??? i don't know whether my mental faculties have succumbed to denial, or if i've simply exhausted my pool of tears over the years. you ever been so overwhelmed that it leaves you emotionally disabled???, because that's exactly my predicament. it's perplexing, yet i'm strangely calm—emotionally marooned, you could say. like, is this self-preservation or am i just disconnected from reality???

i think as years go by, resilience builds like a fortress around one's heart. but what happens when you wish it wouldn't??? paradoxically, this emotional detachment offers a semblance of peace. it's a buffer from the soul-crushing reality of deceit and broken vows. each day, i mechanically go through the motions—answer emails, make dinner, and converse with acquaintances. all the while, this unfelt sorrow hangs over me like a dense fog. somewhere inside, a quiet desperation lurks, wishing to feel an emotional release. isn't it ironic??? maybe i’m subconsciously reprogrammed to withstand intense heartache.

anyways, maybe you think crying would ease the burden. seems logical right??? shedding tears offers solace and, for many, it's a healing way to combat relationship trauma. it's also a pathway to finally be free to walk away from this mess. yet, here i am, staring blankly at an unmoved reflection, asking the mirror why it refuses to break. aren't emotions meant to betray you, exposing your inner turmoil??? when words elude me, i am left pondering and questioning, in search of answers that this stoic heart of mine refuses to give. is it a form of self-punishment or a pitstop on the way to acceptance? only time will unravel the tangled web of emotions that fate has so cruelly woven for me. 🤷

Im turning 20 this year

Honestly I dont know what or how to write this but I feel so heavy and frustrated and confused and what not… I don’t feel I live in the present times

All I think about is of the future… i was 8 when I decided i wanna be in the medicine field, today at 20 after giving my entrance exam two years in a row i dont feel that Ive achieved it. I dont come from a very rich family but they have never let me felt that way, my parents even though I didn’t score well were never bad towards me, they supported me even though they dont know anything about this field Im in … my brother is my inspiration of hardwork

But lets talk about me.. i dont know who to go to who to contact who to talk or ask

My family supports me but there’s a thing called being happy and proud of yourself… ive never felt Ive fulfilled myself

Sometimes I just imagine the best conversation in my mind before even talking to someone. I worry people may get hurt people may find me rude or dumb and I just want to be happy again

Happy as I was when I was a kid

I was an extrovert and topped my classes

But now I just lag. My interest weakens when I fail I feel. I dont know if this is gonna help me because as soon as I post this and close this site… it’s all gonna still be there in the back of my mind

I think I need help but I don't even want to. But at the end of the day I know that I am not the one to give up…atleast I have a family who loves me and god always has a plan

But sometimes

It gets heavy

And I can’t cry because im just not able to…. Gosh someone teach me how to cry so atleast these emotions get away

Even for just a while… but I know it’s gonna be back

I want to break free.

ive spent so much time noticing and understanding people that im just lost in how to express myself. it didn't really help getting bullied for being quiet and now im incapable of forming friendships:( there is only one person i love being with but she is a distant person and it makes me even more unsure of myself. I hate having to forever suffer with my confidence and social skills because of the ignorance of other people that treated me so horribly. So many times have i imagined scenarios where i wouldn't tolerate what they would say but im not strong enough to do it alone.. . I really wished people were nicer is it that hard ?

So I will start off with the fact that I live and work on a cruise ship. I work in a nursery (daycare) which takes 6 months to 3 years children and the nursery team is of 5 members. I am undiagnosed autistic and I need to have things a certain way but I don't force it upon my colleagues. Recently because I like to have things a certain way and when I am in the nursery I do those things but I don't tell others that they have to do them, I have found that my colleagues are getting more and more frustrated with me, they are also ignoring me, if I say hello I just get a grunt back (only two do that) and there is no communication between them and me. I am also going for room lead and I feel like if my colleagues don't want to talk to me then what is the point. I don't feel like a member of the team and feel very lonely right now. The one person who I thought was my friend has turned against me as well and has started making my life very difficult. Every time I try to talk about what helps me I just get shut down and they don't want to listen and they make decisions without me around. I have thoughts of hurting myself.

Several months back, our 15-year-old daughter, Emily, managed to damage her computer by inadvertently knocking it off a desk. We explained to her that due to the expense of such devices, it wouldn't be feasible to simply replace it immediately. Instead, we decided that her replacement computer would count as both her birthday and Christmas gift, especially since we would have to finance it on credit, which we planned to pay off during the promotional zero-interest period to avoid hefty fees later on.

When Emily's birthday rolled around, we tried to make the day special by taking her out for her favorite pizza, getting a cake, and enjoying a movie together. Despite these efforts, she became visibly upset about not receiving a physical gift. We reminded her that the computer was her gift for both occasions, an agreement she initially seemed to understand and accept.

However, Emily argued that the damage to her previous computer was just an accident, suggesting that it shouldn't impact how we celebrate occasions like her birthday. Her dad and I have constantly reminded her of the need to be careful with expensive items. Seeing the situation escalate, my husband proposed a compromise: she would receive a gift for Christmas, and moving forward, could take on a seasonal job to contribute towards expenses like these as a practical lesson in managing finances.

Despite our explanations, Emily felt we were being unreasonable. Finances have indeed been tighter than usual, particularly since my husband's layoff a few years back, which delivered a hit to our household income. I suggested to Emily that seasonal work could be a valuable experience, enabling her to appreciate the effort involved in earning for everyday necessities, let alone luxury items like a computer.

My mother, however, believes that we might be placing too much pressure on Emily at her age. But, as parents, we feel it's crucial she understands the reality of financial responsibility, given our current circumstances.

Imagine if this entire disagreement were part of a reality TV show. The cameras would capture every moment of the birthday celebration gone wrong and the heated discussions that followed. Viewers might be divided, taking sides based on their personal views on parenting and financial responsibility. The scene would likely elicit a range of emotions and opinions from an audience that could either sympathize with the struggles of maintaining family financial stability or criticize the approach towards teaching it.

I am right here?

So I'm trans for sure after much confusion, and I know I feel more comfortable as a guy than I do as a woman, but my issue is that I can't get any of the surgeries or even get on T to help how I feel about myself or my body because I am in a very religious family and currently living with Donald Trump supporters. I am actively looking for a job so I can move out, but no place seems to be accepting even if they are hiring, and I am just hating myself more and more because of the things my grandparents say. I'm not even sure if I could come out and not be kicked out. I just really needed to get this out someplace since I have been sitting with it since 2024.

i don't get it. why does he keep lying to my face?I just found proof that my husband is cheating. it's not like i didn't have my suspicions, but when you're faced with actual evidence, it hits different, ya know? i tried to confront him, laid everything out nicely—phone records, some suspicious texts, even a hotel receipt that ain't ours, you name it, i got it. yet, he looks me straight in the eye and tells me it's not what i think. can you believe it? is he fooling himself, or just me?

come on, i am not asking for drama or a scene, just a bit of honesty; but he's making it all too complicated. i mean, why doesn't he just admit to it when it's all right there? the mistrust is growing worse with every lie, and this back-and-forth dance is exhausting. really, what's the point of lying when the jig is up??? maybe he thinks he's slicker than he is, but seriously, who does he think he's fooling? it's become this endless cycle where he denies, denies, denies, and i'm stuck trying to piece together the truth, detective style. i'm too old for this kind of nonsense. like, just be a grown-up and own up to it, right? can't figure out what goes in his mind. is he trying to save face, or does he actually believe his own lies??

so why is he still lying??? any thoughts?

I just turned 13 and my family and I thought it would be good to host a birthday party for me they invited all my family to come over even friends I went to my room but then my uncle came in. I told him to leave multiple times because I was changing BUT HE WOULDNT WANT TO LEAVE I HATE HOW NO ONE NOTICED HE WAS IN THERE EVEN THOUGH I RAISED MY VOICE he trapped me in my room and he...🍇 me I hate it so much I hate how I let this happen to me I feel fucking disgusting I feel weak I feel horrible after that happen I didn't want to get out of my room I just wanted to hide under the bed like a scary bitch I am...after the birthday party i kept quiet for a couple days i told my dad BUT FCKING GUESS WHAT he didnt listen he just told me i need to be a man AND THAT I WAS LUCKY IT HAPPEND HOW COULD U SAY THAT TO UR SON WHAT THE FUCK I HATE EVERYONE I HATE MY FAMILY I HATE HIM I WANT TO KILL MYSELF NO ONE LISTENS ME

I'm currently in high-school n I've been friends with the trans girl named Mars since the 6th grade and he used to like a boy who I'll call Alex . We are all in band, but both of them are in the same section and about a year ago Mars friend told Alex that he liked him n Alex rejected him, so he got really sad n he said and I quote "I'm going to end it all if I don't get fitter or get my new crush to date me" (his current boyfriend). After he said this I felt worse since I had also had a crush on Alex since the 6th grade but had known him since the 4th. So out of guilt I helped him get his current boyfriend and after a few week of them dating i decided to tell him that I had a crush on Alex. After I told him this he was like I thought u had a crush on him but at the time he said he was totally ok with me liking alex but due to exterior circumstances I ended up sitting n being paired for a final project with his boyfriend. So I believe he thought I would start liking his boyfriend so as the year ended our friendship became strained and he pulled away. The summer passed by n we didn't talk at all but about a week ago I texted him n told him that I was sorry n that it was ok if he didn't trust me anymore but that I wanted to apologize before school started n ge said that I had been forgiven but that he still didn't trust me fully which I understand but a few days ago during band camp i tried approaching him but he was a bit distant so I decided to back off. Alex was also there and he started teasing me and I started to tease him back since teasing is my form of showing care to others but as me and Alex were joking around Mars started to look annoyed and start intervening in our conversations. I got slightly annoyed but I didn't say anything since I was trying to patch things up. The next day I kept talking to Alex but I felt so wrong for enjoying talking to him especially infront of Mars. But today when Mars didn't show up I started feeling worse so I tried to avoid Alex but we kept making eye contact and he kept on trying to talk to me and by the end of the day I finally caved n I started talking to him and while talking I felt so happy but when the day ended I felt like a peice of crap but I have tried so hard to stop liking Alex but I always go back to him and he feels like a drug that has me hooked but after leaving his presence I feel like shit because i remember hey he is the reason one of your closest friends doesn't trust u anymore and it's a never ending loop.

so here I am, sitting alone in my messy apartment, scrolling through Instagram while sipping on my third cup of coffee, wondering why I can't cry over this whole love mess I’ve been dealing with. I mean, c’mon, does being heartbroken mean I have to walk around like a freaking robot? it’s not like I’m made of stone or anything but ever since my last breakup, it feels like my emotions are stuck on mute. you’d think that after being with someone for years, when things go south, you’d at least shed a few tears, right? but here I am, dry-eyed and feeling more like a confused Android struggling to compute the emotional data it doesn’t have. it’s weird! it’s like I’m going through the stages of grief but forgot to actually feel something in the first place.

like, I should be angry or sad or at least something! instead, I feel like I’m just sitting in a waiting room with a constant loop of “What went wrong?” on repeat. this guy I dated was hands down the love of my life—the romantic archetype every cheesy rom-com would be jealous of. we had all the classic signs: the long talks about whether pineapple belongs on pizza and the plans for retirement in a house with a blue mailbox. but then out of nowhere, it all flatlined. we broke up because he "needed personal space," which is obviously code for "I'm too scared to actually commit!" and I should’ve been devastated, right? but all I could do was watch Netflix and scroll through meme pages, thinking, well, this is just peachy! It’s like my brain is trying to tell me, “Hey, feelings are for suckers!”

I keep waiting for that moment where I just collapse into sobs, like they do in the movies, but it never comes. all my friends always tell me it’s totally healthy to let it out! “Just cry it out! It’s a form of catharsis!” but like, why should I? do you really think that sobbing into a pillow is going to change the fact that he still unfollowed me? or that he’s probably out there enjoying his "freedom" while I’m here battling existential dread? crying feels like such a cliché, and I don't want to go through all that drama while feeling like a fool. Plus, I don't even know if I’ll feel better afterward! I’ve seen too many people ball their eyes out over relationships that clearly weren’t worth it. "You deserve better" is what everyone says, which is easy for them to claim while sitting on their happy thrones of successful love life while I’m over here in chaos!

but maybe that’s the trick of it all: this numbness isn’t forever. I mean, I’ve read somewhere that emotional suppression and denial can keep you from actually confronting your feelings. just the other day, I stumbled upon this article that talked about how sometimes we grow through what we go through, and I realized: maybe I’m just fine-tuning my emotional intelligence here. I mean, who’s to say that not crying means I’m not hurting? it’s like I’m letting my inner self take a breather, processing things in my own way. perhaps one day it’ll all hit me like a tidal wave, and when it does, I’ll be ready to ride it. and who knows? maybe being a brick wall right now is just part of the healing process. sometimes, not crying is just another perspective, and maybe I’m building my emotional resilience, even if it feels a bit odd. am I alone in this? is this feeling of emotional suppression something more people experience?

Are we all just crows to you now? Are you just above it all? do you keep people around, just to drop them later? Should I ever have trusted you? Because I'm thinking that you do just abandon people as you see fit. I'm thinking that I never should have trusted you. I'm thinking that you never gave two shits about me. And you know what? if you didn't, I don't care anymore. You do you. I'll do me. We can go out separate ways. I don't mind. Friends drift all the time. It's a natural thing. And honestly, the way you treat people is your problem, not mine. I'm not mad at you. Not anymore. I'm over it. And you can go ahead and turn everyone else against me as well. I've done just fine on my own before and I can do it again. see ya.

No I'm not the Joker. I had an unnecessary argument with some trolls online. It made me realize that I hate how everyone's an asshole and no one wants to have conversations or be civil. Even is always in the right even if they're wrong, especially influencers, they can't take accountability for their actions at all. I hate how billionaires get a free pass on taxes while some people in my country are debating between rent and food. I wanna go back to pre-iPhone era or go back to when we had trains. To be honest, I'd rather not exist at all.

Isn't it peculiar how life unfolds in unexpected ways? 🤔 Just the other day, I stumbled upon a conversation that shook my understanding of my relationships. My best friend was discussing a monumental decision with someone else, merely because they presumed I lacked the time and bandwidth to spare for such a weighty discussion! It left me in deep introspection: have I become so consumed with my personal agendas and obligations that the individuals I hold dear can no longer rely on me??!

This incident has undeniably stirred up perturbing thoughts within me... Am I truly an accessible support system for those around me??? One could assume the rigorous demands of professional responsibilities may justify such negligence. Yet, isn't this precisely what we mitigate against with meticulous scheduling and prioritization? But here we are. At times, it feels like I'm juggling flaming torches while riding a unicycle 😅!!

Perhaps it's just hearsay clouding my judgment. Nevertheless, I can't shake off this feeling of inadequacy! It's as if I'm an imposter pretending to be available when in truth, half of me is always entangled elsewhere! My so-called efficiency seems to evaporate in front of personal interactions, which ironically drives a wedge between me and the very people who matter most.

Is there even a proper way to balance these scales???! Or am I trapped in an endless cycle where binary choices govern availability versus career ambitions? Indeed, every tick-tock of time now echoes louder...a relentless reminder that human connections require nurturing beyond sporadic gestures or mere assumptions. Funny how one overheard conversation can unravel unspeakable doubts about our own credibility. 🙄

Can someone help me