Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I just needed a place to rant this out without the other side being a loved one or friend….I’m not well, I go to therapy twice a week at this point and the more I’m aware of how my mind works, what makes me tic, the more my thoughts race and I close off from loved ones. My history with relationships hasn’t been a great one, littered with bad endings and abusive partners…it’s like I’m a magnet for negative energy. I’m trying to heal but with my recent finding of I’m going threw PMDD (just putting a name to the mental hell I was already going threw) I feel hyper away of my thoughts and my emotional spirals and I can’t help to think my loved ones lie to me when they say I’m not a burden and it’s ok….im sure they’d drop me for someone more stable who involved less work…so I sit here and cry thinking it would just be easer to be in another abusive relationship so I wouldn’t worry about being a burden…that it was just the treatment my broken mind deserved and I could forever just live in this chaos I seem to feel calm in vs being always unsettled in the tamed relaxed environment I’m finding in my recent relationships….its just easer to be used then loved is how my brain takes it…what would you do if your mind just wanted to relax in the arms of the ones who abused you?

“supposed to be an adult, but fuck it, i need a minute” — tate mcrae, revolving door

if there’s one think i’ve learned from being a synthographer (or ai artist, as many would call it) for 4 years and counting, it’s to ignore the mean comments that people throw at me. but honestly, it feels like i’m not learning my lessons here. especially the case of sora 2.

seriously, when sora 2 came out, i feel so ecstatic about it. anime now actually looks like anime. videos feel more lifelike. some people even share japanese commercials on youtube. it’s amazing honestly.

problem is, i can’t go to youtube or reddit or pretty much any social media without someone ranting about how sora 2 videos are soulless slops that shouldn’t have existed in the first place. i’m so sick and tired of it, especially that i have to summarize it because why bother going thru it when all they’re saying is toxic and abhorrent?

i can’t even open the comments too for the same reasons. i can’t bear all the words and topics they’re throwing around, not just criticizing sora 2, but pretty much any ai-generated work in general. “ai art isn’t art”, “ai is bad for the environment”, “ai slop”, “clanker”, “we should kill the ai artist”, my god the list goes on. i could even build a receipt or a poster series from all this if i want to. this made me hate people a little bit, even if ironically i make anime portraits with character descriptions in them.

all this constant doomscroll of anti-ai comments and posts left me wondering: am i back to square one? there are times where i work on myself so that i can create again without judgement from the peanut gallery, but i kept coming back like a revolving door. it’s so fucking exhausting. i can’t enjoy anything i like without someone criticizing bc it’s “ai-generated.” i’m living in a constant battle as a synthographer where i always tell myself: fuck all this man, i need a minute.

it made me think about quitting something that i love over the years too. it’s like they’d be happier if i just don’t share my works or erase myself from existence. i can’t take this anymore.

I’m done with my life. The academic session began in April, and my exams are scheduled for the end of January. Right now, August is already halfway over—it’s the 20th today—and I feel like I’ve fallen far behind. Most of my classmates are ahead of me, while I struggle to understand anything in class. It feels as if I’ve been dropped into a higher grade where I don’t belong. Everything seems beyond my grasp.

It stings to see my peers following along with ease while I just sit there, staring at the blackboard in confusion. I was never like this before. For the first time in my life, I feel lost in class. This is 10th grade, and I feel trapped, unable to move forward, constantly pulled away by distractions.

My laptop, which should be helping me study, has become my biggest enemy. Social media, random motivational YouTube videos, anime content, Instagram scrolling, venting to strangers online for attention, even sleeping after school—these habits are dragging me down. I thought my relationship with a classmate was a distraction too, so I distanced myself from her. But even after cutting off contact, nothing changed. I can’t blame her anymore—this is my own battle.

I barely scraped through the first unit tests with poor grades, cramming the night before exams. If I’m honest, I haven’t properly finished a single chapter to the point where I could confidently answer questions from it. I’m still procrastinating every day. On top of that, I struggle with the habit of watching porn, which only makes me feel weaker and more paralyzed.

I know what’s happening to me, but I don’t act on it. It feels like I’m waiting for some dramatic “rock bottom” moment—like in movies where the main character suddenly rises to the top after hitting their lowest point. But in real life, that moment never comes. Time just keeps slipping away.

Part of me dreams of becoming the top student in class, but right now it feels more like a fantasy than a real possibility. Even if I somehow worked hard, gave my all, and fought through every distraction, I know people wouldn’t see the effort behind it. They’d assume I succeeded easily, because I’ve always been considered a “good student.” That’s why I sometimes feel the need to tell my classmates about my struggles, as if my poor marks in the first unit test are proof of where I really stand.

But the truth is, I’m still waiting for something outside of me to change my situation, even though I know nothing magical is going to happen. My parents keep scolding me and comparing me to others, which only makes me feel worse. I want to rise to the top of the class, but right now, it feels impossible.

My wife is currently a teaching assistant for 7th grade while she's in college, aiming to become a full-time teacher. During summer, she enjoys volunteering at a camp for special needs students, which has never been an issue as our schedules matched. However, with COVID, I'm now working from home on different hours, and the camp is short on counselors. Lately, she's been asking me to help out in the mornings before my work starts, but I've been saying no because I prefer to relax before my job as a web designer.

This morning, after she asked again, we ended up in a heated argument. I told her that her volunteer "work" doesn't count as real work since she's not getting paid, and I'm the one bringing in money. I don't want to waste my energy on something that doesn't benefit us financially, especially when we have bills to pay.

She texted me saying she's disgusted with my behavior and plans to stay with another counselor at the camp for a few nights to think things over. Am I wrong here?

Imagine if this whole thing was on a reality show, how do you think people would react? Would they see my point or side with her?

i’ve been thinking a lot about how i’m the only one in my team who genuinely cares about what we do at work, and i mean really cares about the quality of our projects, the deadlines, and even the tiny details that everyone else seems to gloss over without a second thought... 😩 it’s not even that i’m some sort of perfectionist, i just believe that if we’re gonna do something, we should do it right, ya know? but lately, it’s becoming obvious that i’m the only one pulling this weight while the rest are chilling, and it’s driving me nuts; i wake up thinking about work, i go to sleep worrying about emails, and when i’m finally off, i’m mentally drained and just staring at the ceiling wondering why no one else seems to give a damn. it’s exhausting, and it’s starting to make me question if i’m the problem or if i just care way too much for a job that probably won’t even remember my name in ten years...

like seriously, i keep telling myself that i need to chill, that i need to let go and just go with the flow like everyone else, but i find it so hard to do that! maybe it’s because i’ve been conditioned to believe that hard work and dedication are the keys to success, or maybe it’s just my pride whispering in my ear, telling me that if i let go, i’m giving up on myself. but can i really keep up this pace without burning out completely? i’m 33, for crying out loud, and i’m already feeling like i’m 50 with the amount of stress i’m carrying. i see my coworkers leaving early, joking around, barely meeting deadlines, and i’m here, staying late, double-checking everything, and picking up the slack. it’s not sustainable, and it’s not fair; yet, i feel trapped in this cycle of overcaring because i don’t want to be “that guy” who lets the team down.

it’s funny, though, because when i try to ease off, when i tell myself to relax and not care so much, i get this weird anxiety, like something’s gonna fall apart if i’m not there to catch it. but the reality is, nothing catastrophic happens; the projects still move forward, the clients don’t scream bloody murder, and the world keeps spinning. it’s just my mind playing tricks on me, making me think that i’m the last line of defense for quality and integrity, but maybe that’s just my ego talking. 😅 i’ve started practicing little steps to detach myself, like logging off exactly on time, not checking emails after hours, and even taking my full lunch break away from my desk. and you know what? it feels... good. like i’m slowly reclaiming my sanity, piece by piece. it’s a weird adjustment, but i’m beginning to see that the sky doesn’t fall if i stop caring as much as i used to.

so, what about you? have you ever felt like you’re carrying the team on your shoulders while everyone else is just cruising? how did you manage to stop caring too much without feeling guilty or anxious? i’m trying to figure this out, to find that balance where i can still take pride in my work without letting it consume my life. it’s a work in progress, but i’m hopeful that i’ll get there. 🌅 maybe the secret is to care just enough, but not too much, to know when to let go and trust that it’ll be okay. i’m trying to remind myself that my worth isn’t measured by how much i sacrifice at work, and that it’s okay to prioritize my health and happiness over a never-ending to-do list. wish me luck! 🤞

For the longest time, I’ve been stuck in this cycle of excuses. I’d wake up every morning telling myself I’d make changes, that today would be different, but by the time the day ended, I was back to square one. Whether it’s eating healthier, exercising, or even just cleaning my space, I keep putting it off. I’d tell myself, "I’ll start tomorrow," but tomorrow never seems to come.

Yesterday was my breaking point. I was scrolling through social media and saw an old friend post about running their first marathon. I remember how we used to run together, how much I loved it back then. And now? I can’t even jog up the stairs without feeling winded. It hit me like a ton of bricks—what am I even doing with my life? Why do I keep finding reasons to avoid what I know I need to do?

I looked around my apartment after that. Clothes piled up on the floor, dishes in the sink from who-knows-how-many days ago, and a gym membership card collecting dust on the counter. That’s when it finally clicked—it’s time to stop. It’s time to stop avoiding the hard stuff, time to stop pretending everything will fix itself, and time to stop being my own worst enemy.

I don’t have a perfect plan yet, and honestly, I’m scared I’ll slip back into my old habits. But I know I can’t keep going like this. If I don’t make a change now, when will I? Maybe writing this out will help me stay accountable. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re feeling stuck too, maybe it’s time to stop and take the first step. We’ve got this.

Omg, I need to rant because my mind is in absolute **chaos** right now. There's this guy—let's call him **Prince** (and trust me, the name fits because he literally treats me like a princess). Like, I don’t even know what to do anymore because he is **so close and touchy** and I **can't tell if he's just like this with everyone or if I should be reading into it**.

So, Prince is **always** around me. Like, if I’m sitting somewhere, he’ll just casually come over and sit **super close**, to the point where our shoulders are touching. And if I move slightly, he doesn’t even shift away—if anything, I feel like he leans in more. **And don’t even get me started on the way he touches me.** It’s not in a weird way or anything, but he’ll randomly poke my side, rest his arm on my shoulder, or even put his hand on my back when he talks to me. And this isn’t just once or twice—**it’s a pattern**.

And then there’s the way he acts when we’re around other people. He’s always making sure I’m good, asking me if I’ve eaten, helping me with random stuff without me even asking. **He hypes me up all the time, too**—like if I do literally anything, he’ll be like, “See? That’s why you’re amazing.” And then he’ll just **stare at me and smile** like ??? Boy, what do you mean by that???

But here’s the thing—I **don’t know if this is just how he is or if he’s actually giving me signs**. Because when I do stuff, like talk to other guys or even just joke around with my friends, I swear I see him looking. And I mean **really looking**—like I’ll glance at him, and he’ll already be watching, and then he looks away really fast like he wasn’t just analyzing my every move. And when I don’t give him attention, he finds ways to get it. He’ll randomly bring something up just to talk to me or do something dumb to make me laugh.

The worst part?? He’s **so reassuring and supportive.** Like, I could be having the worst day ever, and he just **knows.** He’ll check in, tell me I’m strong, and that I deserve the best. **BRO, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT??** He’s so **emotionally present** it’s actually throwing me off. I don’t know if he does this for everyone, but I feel like he treats me **differently.**

So now I’m just sitting here questioning **everything.** Is he **just like this**? Am I overthinking? **Or is he actually dropping hints??** Like, I swear, sometimes it feels like he’s being lowkey flirty, but then I second-guess myself because I don’t want to look dumb. I just don’t know anymore, and it’s driving me crazy.

Someone tell me what this means because I genuinely have no clue. **Prince, what are you trying to tell me?!?**

You ever have one of those friendships where you’re not sure how you’d survive without the other person? Well, that’s me and Jessica. I mean, life would probably be a hell of a lot duller without her sarcastic comments and loud laugh cutting through my everyday monotony. At 33 years old, I’ve realized it’s rare to find someone who not only gets your weird quirks but embraces them, likes an oversized sweater on a cold winter night. There’s this strange comfort in knowing that while the world can be filled with backstabbing and fake smiles, you have your best friend who unapologetically supports you, even when your life resembles a dumpster fire. 🔥

Jess and I met in college, both of us nursing unfulfilled dreams and a healthy dose of reality check. I remember one late-night study session that turned into us binge-watching terrible reality TV shows instead. We should have been revising for exams, but we were too busy critiquing the fashion choices of anyone who walked through that screen. Crazy enough, we somehow made it through college with decent grades, all thanks to the 'shared misery' index - if she was freaking out about her work, I could focus on mine. The amount of times we’ve nurtured each other through anxiety and doubt could fill an entire book if we wrote it. And isn’t that what friendships are all about? Building each other up, even when the world seems determined to tear us down?

But let’s not kid ourselves; there are days when I question why I even bother with this friendship. Sure, Jess brings a ton of good energy, but there are times it can feel like a toddler throwing a tantrum when they don’t get their way. Like that time she just showed up to my place unannounced with a bottle of cheap wine and an even cheaper movie, demanding we 'decompress.' On a Tuesday night. Seriously? Sometimes, I sweat bullets just thinking about how she manages to be both a wonderful support system and sometimes an exhausting drama queen. It’s an emotional rollercoaster I never asked to be on! 🎢 Honestly, I sometimes wonder if being this close makes me question her sanity or mine; still, she somehow balances my chaos with her own while insisting, “I’m just here to spice up your boring life!”

I guess that’s friendship for you. You recognize the red flags, that mix of frustration and loyalty bubbling beneath the surface, and yet you stay. You endure. And you lean on each other in those moments you just want to scream, "Why the hell are you like this?" But then there are moments of clarity, where I'd be lost in my thoughts and Jess would pop up out of nowhere saying, “Get it together, you got this!” It’s sincerely annoying yet oddly comforting; she holds me accountable without firing me up. It’s the kind of friendship that just makes you want to pull your hair out sometimes, but also genuinely appreciate the messiness of it all. And honestly, who can say they have that? 🤔 You ever find that friend who drives you crazy but is still your rock? What would you do without them???!

It literally cannot just be me but I swear whenever I'm angry I have to refrain from like hurt myself and I don't like cut myself or anything because I don't want the scars but like sometimes I'll bite i bruise and I know that's not good but sometimes I also bang my head against the wall not hard but sometimes enough to get a headache because when I try expressing my feelings or how I feel my parents do this thing with it's like say this or that and they be like well if I could do this and if I could do that blah blah blah blah blah but when I try to do that they say no we can't do that right now or no that's not going to work etc. and stuff like that and and it just feels like so much but I actually just got done crying again and this time I didn't bring my head on the wall and I did bite myself but it was like very softly at least for me it was soft because I didn't have a pretty high pain tolerance but yeah I am really proud of myself for not doing what I normally do and being able to stop myself for a second and calm down I think I'm a post on here a lot though because I don't really have friends because of homeschooled so yep. ( This was typed with voice text sorry if it suck but I feel like I can barely type rn) is this just me???

Sincerely,

Melody

After ending a failed marriage, I found love again and remarried. My new husband, Mark, came with four grown children from his previous union, and I too brought along four children of my own. From the moment I met Mark's children, their behavior was nothing short of shocking. All over eighteen, they were rudely self-centered and greedy, only reaching out to their father when they needed financial assistance or wanted him to purchase something for them.

Our family home, where I've poured my heart and soul, is solely in my name. It's a splendid estate spreading across 3000 square feet, complete with a horse stable, hay barn, tack shed, a detached garage featuring a workshop and tool room, along with a garden shed. My affection for this property runs deep.

A couple of years ago, I decided to host a Christmas dinner for both sides of our extended family. I spent the morning preparing two lasagnas, chicken Alfredo, a variety of veggies, appetizers, and garlic bread. As everyone gathered, I laid out the appetizers while wrapping up the main courses. However, the first thing I overhear from Mark’s children is, "We already ate at Mom’s." This was frustrating to hear as they had been informed of the feast I was preparing.

The evening progressed to gift exchanges which went smoothly. However, the conversation soon shifted to our home. Mark’s children unanimously expressed their dislike for our home and discussed amongst themselves how, in the event of our passing, selling the home would be beneficial for them financially. Deeply hurt by this conversation, I excused myself and retreated to my room to devise a plan.

My youngest daughter, Emily, who is 18, shares my affection for our home and has grown up here. The following business day, I took her to the municipal office and executed a quit claim deed, transferring the property solely to her name. This move was strategic, snatching any opportunity for Mark's ungrateful children to claim the property in the future, and eliminating potential estate taxes.

Was I unjust in ensuring that these disrespectful individuals couldn't lay their hands on our family home?

Imagine if this scenario were to unfold on a reality television show. The dramatic reveal of transferring the home to Emily's name would certainly draw attention. Viewers would likely be split; some might applaud the decisive action to protect family assets from entitled hands, while others might criticize it for potentially stirring more discord within the blended family. The episode would likely end on a cliffhanger, leaving audiences eager to see the fallout from such a bold move.

After returning from a weekend trip, I went online to place a delivery order for groceries from a nearby store. I needed about 30 items but was informed right at checkout that 5 of those were out of stock. These were just snacks, so I wasn't too bothered. However, to my surprise, instead of an in-store employee, my order was assigned to a third-party shopper. I've noticed store employees doing the shopping before, so this was unexpected.

As the shopper proceeded, she kept informing me about more unavailable items. When she reached the point of telling me that a sixth item couldn't be found, I asked her to cancel the order. The shopping fee plus a tip seemed unjustifiable with such a substantial number of items missing. She then texted me explaining she was nearly done with the shopping, had already spent money on gas, and was relying on this for her income. I found this response quite unprofessional—it wasn’t what I expected, thinking a store employee was handling my order. I ended up calling the store myself to cancel, as my order had dwindled down to 19 of the original 30 items. Among these, some were just individual fruits and vegetables costing just a few cents. Because of these missing items including essentials like milk, meal replacements for an elderly family member, ground beef, and popsicles, I still needed to visit the store. It seemed improbable that they were out of all these things.

If this scenario unfolded in a reality show, viewers might be split. Some would sympathize with the shopper trying to earn a living, while others could relate to my frustration over not getting what I paid for. Debates could flare up over customer rights versus the personal circumstances of gig workers, possibly making this a poignant, controversial episode.

I just wonder, how would viewers react if this situation was on a reality show?

Glad to be here for this little anonymous confession... I don't want to talk about that with people I know!

I have this friend, Elise, who’s incredibly talented with the brush – her artwork is usually breathtaking. So, naturally, when our first wedding anniversary was approaching, I thought why not commission her to create a portrait of me and my husband in our wedding attire? It seemed like the perfect gift. Her portraits are usually so lifelike and beautiful, and she agreed to take the project for $700. Upfront, I paid a $300 deposit and sent her several photos as references.

Yesterday, Elise came over to show me the finished painting, and I couldn’t believe what I saw. My husband looked fantastic, exactly like himself, but the way she painted me was shocking. It was as if she completely changed my body – magnifying features in a way that was blatantly sexualized. My typically small bust was exaggerated, and my wedding dress was altered to reveal a lot more skin, even including a thigh-high slit that was never in the original design. None of this was in the reference photos I provided; it doesn’t represent how I looked at all on my wedding day.

I felt really uncomfortable with the portrayal and told her straight away that this wasn’t what I signed up for. I said I wouldn’t pay the remaining balance unless she revised the painting. She didn’t take it well and we ended up having a massive argument. Elise accused me of being unreasonable, and now, our disagreement has spilled over among our circle of friends. Some think I’m making too much of it, while others agree that the artist stepped over the line.

Imagine if this situation unfolded on a reality show – how intensified the drama would be under the scrutinizing eye of the public and with cameras rolling constantly! Viewers would be split; some might argue I overreacted about artistic interpretation, while others might empathize with the shock of seeing oneself misrepresented so starkly. The tension would likely escalate with each side arguing their perspective, possibly even leading to a dramatic confrontation filled with tears and tense exchanges. Reality TV thrives on such conflicts, after all.

What should be done about the portrait issue? How would you manage that?

Things for next year / my glow up

Work: cafe / Dairy Queen / last resort irrigation

HOODIES

Thin graphic sweaters (12-27$)

No hood(14-20)

Chunky(18-25$)

SHIRTS

tangtops(3-7$)

Shoulder show(5-8$)

Graphic tees(7.99-12$)

PANTS

pants that cover my feet(15-20$)

Baggy jean(12-29$)

Sweat pants(11-19$)

Leggings(6-14$)

SHOES

convers (49.99$-70$)

Chunky shoes(40-80$)

Tall shoes (49-60$)

MAKE UP

eyeliner(1-6$)

Mascara (3-9$)

Concealer (7-12$)

Eye make up(11-20$)

ACCESSORIES

hair bows (8-10$)

Rings(7-20$)

Necklaces(11-20$)

Belts (7-14$)

Bracelets (17-20$)

EXTRAS

Get lip piercing(13-18$ for Jewelry, 50-100$ for just the piercing and around 30$ for jewelry)

Get other side of nose pierced (180$ pretty much)

Maybe eyebrow (30-70$)

Nails(100-150)

Be quiet

ALWAYS have headphones or earbuds(10$ depending on how many I have to buy)

2 friends 3 max (birthday gifts at least 15$)

Ear piercings (30-150$)

Total (without tax or cents)

929.98$

Pick up as many shifts as possible

Nothing other than work for summer

Get tips

Clean great

(11.15$ per hour)

Maximum 8 hours per day to work

40 hours a week 7am-closing is 8 hours depending on staff

89.2$ per day (take away tax 55.75$)

Let’s say I get paid once a week of twice that’s 55.75$ a week if not then 111.5$ plus tips so round 120$ at best. If Rebecca pays me extra out of generosity mostly a 10$ bill

If I save up I can have 929.98$ by the end of month 8, by month 9 I’ll have 1,003.5$

I’ll start with the expensive things

Pants

Shirts

Belts

Nails

Shoes

Etc

2 months I’ll have 111.5$ unless I get paid more often and get a pay raise

Just close your eyes, the sun is going down. You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now. Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound.

(song: Safe & Sound by Taylore Swift, it's the only song i like by her, go listen to it if you need comfort :3)

ok, I'm really pissed at my band teacher right now. Today, she asked the flutes (that's what I play) to play together just us right as I was yawning, so I didn't end up playing because I was busy yawning. She said something along the lines of: "Ok, I'm about to cut you about of the performance. You are never ready, and it's usually you missing the most notes." AND SHE SAID THIS TO ME. Me, who never misses a note. Like, no way she said I'M the one who's never ready when there's those two girls next to me who don't put their flutes up until the last second. She just blamed all their bad notes and unreadiness on ME. I've been a scapegoat my whole life, band was my only safe place where I knew I was good as everyone else, maybe better, and everyone took the blame for their own shit. It was the one place where I didn't have to have a million fingers pointing at me. Not anymore I guess.