Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I'm way past the age where I can be an angsty, rebellious teen but my fucking god dude.

I've been dealing with their abuse for half my life - they neglected me as a child and basically threw whatever toy or game I wanted whenever I bothered them too much.

To most kids that sounds fun, but try not being able to even tell your parents you love them without them looking disgusted or dismissing you.

It got worse when I got older as well, as soon as I turned 18 they begun to take my fasfa money for college from my bank account and use it towards whatever they wanted. Bills? Clothes? Yep that's what it was going towards!

Eventually they even got mad at me once when I told them I'm gonna keep the money and they started demanding it as if it was their birthright to extort their only son.

It doesn't help that they basically ruined my childhood - I learned what sex was at like age 8...because of them. And I also got a knife pointed at me once by my own mother because I was being bratty.

It didn't help that they also verbally abused me, calling me stuff such as faggot, queer, loser, cunt, fuckface, etc.

This affected my childhood and teenhood by the way, I ended up being way more quiet because I was scared that if i did something wrong or said something wrong I'd get yelled at or beaten.

It got to the point where I'd actually go entire days without speaking because I was so scared of being punished.

And now that I'm no longer a minor, I can't do anything about them.

There were several times I regret not calling CPS when I was younger when they started beating me or yelling at me, or even doing cruel things such as locking me in my room, denying me access to the bathroom whenever I got a negative grade, etc.

I've been called a disappointment and mistake more times in my life then I can count - literally only cause I never met my parent's expectations or simply because I didn't see the same ideals they had.

I'm sick of it, I moved back in with them temporarily while I'm trying to save up to move out with my boyfriend. It's been a struggle to find a job since my parents refuse to network with me, refuse to help me in the slightest, and even gave me a deadline recently that I had 2 weeks to find a job or I need to sign up "for the service."

Like are you joking? In this economy? I've been applying for jobs for 3 months straight now what fucking makes you think I can just magically wave a wand and get a fucking job?

And I'll be real with you, since this anonymous. If I ever get forced to join the service I will deadass just hang myself or something.

It doesn't help that naturally, because of my upbringing, I've hid everything from them. Every relationship I've gone through, every breakup, every bit of character development I've had in the last few years they know nothing about.

So their vision of me is literally just a hermit that sits in a room all day playing games when that couldn't be fucking farther then the truth.

Anyways thanks for listening to me rant :3

Needed to get that off my chest considering I have nowhere else to really vent too...and boy does it feel good to finally air that shit out somewhere lmfao

Yesterday marked the birthday of my wife's longest-standing friend, and to celebrate, a dinner was organized at a local restaurant by her circle of friends. I was invited as a guest by my partner. To be completely honest, I've never really been keen on this friend, as she tends to be quite the drama queen, with a penchant for attributing every behavior and occurrence to her astrological sign. If I were to describe her in one word, it would probably be 'exasperating.'

Despite my feelings, I usually just keep to myself and let her do her thing during our encounters. However, during the birthday gathering, she started making a significant fuss about an error with her dessert order. To be fair, we had been waiting around 45 minutes for the desserts, so I understood her initial frustration, but she persisted in her complaints to an excessive degree. She then paused, declaring she was about to have a "Virgo moment," whatever that's supposed to mean. Under my breath, but unfortunately audible enough for others to hear, I muttered "you mean a tantrum." When she pressed me to repeat myself, I did, and explained that there's no such thing as a "Virgo moment" but simply an adult having a tantrum, leading to a brief argument and souring the mood for everyone.

Reflecting on it, I don't believe I was wrong to describe her actions as a tantrum—it was one—but voicing that opinion during her birthday celebration might not have been my finest moment. The conversation quickly became tense without any possibility of a positive resolution. I remained composed and did not escalate the confrontation, yet in hindsight, it might have been better left unsaid as it clearly had no constructive outcome. This incident made us leave earlier than planned.

To put things into context, I attended the dinner at the request of my wife. It was an event where partners were invited, and the meal was covered by her group of friends. While she wasn't excessively disruptive, such as screaming or throwing things around, her continuous complaints and attempts to confront the kitchen staff, despite their apologies, were enough to unnerve everyone.

If this squabble were part of a reality TV show, editors would likely play up the drama with tense music and close-ups, turning an annoying yet relatively mundane incident into a major clash for viewers. It's curious to ponder how the audience would react to such a scene—whether they’d sympathize with her feelings of disappointment over the birthday mishap, or side with me seeing her reaction as undue.

Was I too harsh during the birthday dinner squabble?

One day online I met a boy 13 year old me didn’t think anything of it we turned into really good friends then he asked me out I said “yes” because I liked him to the older we got the more off and on we became but we never fought or argued we just wanted to experiment other people I didn’t have a problem with it because we made a promise to eachother that we will always find a way back to eachother and get married and have kids things like that he was my first everything even though I seen him many times anytime I seen him it felt like the first time i couldn’t help but get shy everytime. As time passed by we got older we didn’t talk for a couple months because he got a girlfriend I respected it so it didn’t bother me one random day I got a FaceTime call from a number I didn’t have saved or didn’t recognize it was him we didn’t speak for 6 months and suddenly he calls it was like a dream kind of we laughed and talked he wanted to meet and he told me how much he missed me how could he miss me but he was still with her it didn’t make sense I brushed it off later that day I made an excuse to get off the phone.A couple hours passed and he texted me with a paragraph saying how he messed up and he’s sorry and he thinks we should be together when we are older or just stay how we are he said that he loves me but he loves his girlfriend too I responded “if you loved her you wouldn’t be texting me” he replied and said “your right but you’ve been there through everything at my lowest you were there I’m gonna always have love for you “ I replied “im confused what’s wrong why are you acting like this “ he replied “you wouldn’t understand I’m not gonna give up on us even if you do I’m so sorry” I started to get angry because nothing was making sense I replied “what do you think I am huh I’m tired of being everyones second option I’m not doing it you love her stay with her don’t text or call me “ he replied “how could you be my second option if you were my first choice “ I replied “if you were for me there wouldn’t be any choices” he replied “you fuck it up for us not just you me too we both did everytime we got together it was right person wrong timing that’s why I’m in this situation I’m in because we couldn’t get the timing right” he typed “let’s talk on Wednesday please “ I replied “okay”

He replied “I love you “

I replied “ I love you most”

The next day he texted me “Goodmoring text me when you wake up “

I texted back that I was up

Hours went by no reply

Then I sent a text at 7:34 pm

Didn’t go through

I turned to my sister and asked if I could use her phone I typed his number in her phone and sent a text

It went through

I sent another text

“Why did you block me ?”

He read it

I hear my phone “DING DING DING”

I go to grab my phone he unblocked me and said “can you just leave me alone you said to stop texting you and to leave you alone that’s what I’m doing “

“Did you text my girlfriend ?“

“Just let me be happy stop tryna ruin my relationship “

Tears form up in my eyes I didn’t understand why I replied “I didn’t text anyone “

3 days passed a notification popped up someone requested my account I requested there’s back boom I’m accepted I click on there story ……. My stomach started to turn my eyes felt like they were on fire it was his girlfriend posted him and her but that’s not only it her 3 highlight was a picture and in the picture there was a baby his girlfriend was 6 months pregnant it all started to make sense now I didn’t know what to do it’s not like I could do anything all I did was cry and cry I had to accept another women’s baby will have the eyes of my first love the eyes that 13 year old me looked into maybe in another life He didn’t break our promise .

Do I want him, or do I simply just yearn for the feeling of being loved by somebody? Am I simply just bored, suddenly craving the attention of someone else while still having the full attention of him? I am a horrible person. I am undeserving of being loved; I do not have the capacity to be loved for anything but my measly little body. My frail feelings have me running in circles, eager to figure out... what is wrong with me? Why am I like this? I am undeserving of love. I see why nobody ever wishes to have me.

I'm struggling so much I have a boyfriend. A boyfriend of 1.5 years, and I have no idea at all if I still have romantic feelings for him. I always want the best for him, and I truly do want to see him succeed in life, but I just don't know if I love him anymore in that way. I've begged for months on end just for him to listen. to understand how I feel. He doesn't get it. He only wants to change when I'm beginning to slip from his grasp, and it's the worst feeling in the world. Only now that I'm starting to lose my care factor, he wants to fix the issue I've had for a YEAR. It feels so horrible. To add to that, my guy best friend is being really weird .. like oddly affectionate. It has me feeling ... confused? causing my struggle to worsen, even? And not only that, but he has been borderline encouraging me to leave my boyfriend.

I'm so confused .. lost, even. I don't know what to do with myself. It doesn't help I'm struggling with severe depression (5 years, ongoing).

My life is a dumb drama. Last year I went travelling with friends. To cut the story short I saw someone staring at me during my connecting flight . I posted about it in another site but the reality is that I don't know the person and also I think he just saw me there. I posted this in another website and these " people" who kept on stalking me assumed they know the person that I am rambling about!? Wtf? Or did I miss some story that I didn't know? Bad news he was with a wife/gf during that flight lol but kept staring at me. I somehow recognize the voice but whatever. Second, I don't get the point of all the stalking and sht when they don't even entry to TALK TO ME. In person. For what? I'm not overthinking at this point. They were watching my network activities since last year which isfcking illegal. For what reason? I dunno? Maybe they just want to fcking screw me or what? I really dunno.

I only seen to attract the wrong type of friends. They’re always manipulative or toxic or self centered and such. One of my friends called me names as a joke, another one ghosted me, another one uses me to get stuff from teachers, another one made fun of me when I called my mom because I was fainting in class, another one called me a snitch for telling her about my mother’s affair that has been heavy on me, another one gossiped about me behind my back, one is flirting with my crush, another one laughed off my mental health. I don’t know if I should have friends anymore. All my friends are like that and I don’t have family members who I can confide in and now I just feel lonely and pathetic. What should I do?

Hey so i wanna tell yall about my father. He is a good person , maybe i dont know. i will just describe him. my father is a househusband. My mom is a teacher she has to stay out in another city for the job. she comes home in the weekand. and my mom is a great lady. and my father? everyone say he is good. he cooks for my sibling and i , he does the housework too and he take care of us. But he calls me a whore,slut and what not..i feel bad and i am a fresh eighteen year old school drop out. my mom used to tell me her stories. my father abused her . He still does he doesnt respect her he sometimes calls her whore too. OK just last month i was talkking with my mother i was telling her how i will go away from home to study and ofcourse for my mental peace. I think my father heard. and he keeps on telling mr now that i will go to sell my body outside and be a whore he tells me i was born to be a whore and shit. believe me guys this happens like any other day but i cant stop my tears whenever i hear those words from my own father's mouth. and did i tell you he beats me too? Oh u should see how my shoulders and hands are full of deep ugly scars that would remain till my last day i guess. and i am typing in my pc and my left hand's ring finger hurts . It is all red and blue and the skin is tight. I got beaten today too. I am the eldest daughter btw. Hehhe thankyou for reading!

I am unable to express myself, and as a result, people misunderstand me, calling me weird or crazy.

​Nobody understands me. Since childhood, I have always just been myself, but my emotional growth is stunted because I grew up in a very volatile environment.

​I rarely got my parents' help when I needed it; I had to solve my own problems, feeling like I had no support. I sometimes cry, thinking about how lonely I feel inside.

​I've realized that people will only give you attention and care if you are providing them with benefits.

​Truly, I crave a little love. I envy people who were lucky enough to grow up in a good, happy, or at least an emotionally sound environment.

​Now, I feel I can never understand certain emotions, such as making bonds over time. I had some nightmare-inducing experiences in childhood that prevent me from having certain emotions.

​As of today, I want to grow, but I don't know how. Whenever I ask anyone for help, they either leave me, laugh, or just talk behind my back about how naive and witless I am.

I was born male and began to transition in 2022, my partner who was also transitioning at the time began to help me after I moved in with them, (hormones and such) but a bit after I started they started to have trouble dealing with the ways I was changing (my body, mind all that good stuff) and we ended up taking a break for a bit.

We came back together but I started to forget about taking my pills and eventually I might has well have detransitioned, I tried to talk to them at one point about thinking about it again (just thinking not even planning on anything) and that came with being told that they dont like women.

My partner never told me to stop taking my pills maybe I just did it myself because of the problems it caused. They stopped theyre transition too but now im left not knowing who I am, I have horrible anxiety and depression, compulsively pick and pull my hair, I get impulsive thoughts im embarrassed to talk about, I just feel messed up.

I'm 22, a guy. I've had 5 proper friendships in my life.

First and second one in school, after I moved states. They lasted around 10 years until I got into a relationship. They hated my boyfriend, so I got ghosted and blocked everywhere.

Third was a girl in the city i live in now, after I moved out from my parent's house. We got along until she got more and more toxic. She was 18 at the time, she acted like a spoiled 13 year old. Insulted, bullied and humiliated others. I quit that frie4ndship. She stalked me for 9 months.

Fourth was with an ex of mine, after a year of being apart we got to talk again. He's a nice guy. I adore him, in a very platonic way. He's been ghosting me for 2 months now for no reason.

Last one just broke apart today. A friend of 6 years told me about his struggles. I've been there for him for weeks now since he was feeling bad, but i ran out of tips and tricks. Ran out of solutions, so i simply suggested he'd go back to his therapist, that's what she's there for after all. He ignored me for the day and then started insulting me, calling me names, and much worse. I blocked him.

22 years. and not a single lasting friendship because all people turn out to hate me, ghost me or be toxic. I'm giving up on friendship.

not gonna lie, 37 doesn't feel anything like what i thought it would. sure, i'm older and theoretically wiser, but when it comes to self-worth? it's like i'm stuck back in high school, constantly questioning if i'm enough. i mean, you’d think by now i'd have it figured out, right? maybe it's just me, but society keeps pushing this insane idea that by a certain age, we should have it all together. yet here i am, feeling like a complete failure in various aspects of my life.

sometimes i wonder if it's society setting the bar so damn high, or if i'm just incompetent. ever feel like you're just going through the motions, ticking boxes but not actually moving forward? that's been my reality for a while. career-wise, i’m stuck in a job that's more soul-sucking than rewarding. my friends joke about their "real" jobs while i'm over here hustling in something that pays the bills but kills the spirit. who knew following passions could lead to this much existential dread? 🙃 how many others are out there, grappling with the same silent despair because they haven't “made it” yet?

and don't even get me started on relationships. it's not that i'm desperate for companionship, but sometimes the societal pressure feels like a chokehold. those phrases like "biological clock" and "settle down" aren't just words, they start to feel like accusations. even my family, who mean well, toss in their two cents every goddamn time we talk. as if i haven't considered it all before, as if i'm oblivious to the endless cycle of tantrums at family dinners. can they not see i’d figure it out if i could? the audacity! i swear, if i hear another "when are you going to settle down?" again, i might scream. am i really the only one who feels this exhausted by it all?

the worst part? social media. it's a double-edged sword that's mostly torture. scrolling through endless posts of other people’s curated versions of success just fuels the sense of inadequacy. everyone looks like they’re winning at life, and it’s hard not to compare yourself to yet another “inspirational” story. it’s as if speaking about feeling worthless online is the last taboo. why pretend to be perfect when nobody actually has their shit together? it's baffling. can we just agree that being in your late thirties is a confusing mess, and maybe it's okay to admit it sometimes?

so here i am, 37, female, feeling lost and stuck, but still trudging forward. does it ever get better, or are we all just faking it until we make it? who knows. i've accepted that maybe there's no one-size-fits-all answer and that maybe, just maybe, the key is to stop giving a damn about what everyone else thinks. a person can only handle so much “constructive criticism” before it just becomes noise. until i figure it all out, i’ll keep venting here. thanks for reading, whoever you are.

My stepdaughter, who's in high school, has a lifelong friend whose birthday celebrations in December have become a tradition for us. Together with my wife, we have two children, and we always make it a point to attend this annual party. This particular year, as my own family planned a significant holiday abroad over Christmas, we coordinated with her friend's mom to ensure the celebration wouldn't be missed, scheduling our departure two days post the event.

However, just this Monday, my stepdaughter returned home with news that the birthday was rescheduled to accommodate other relatives flying in, unfortunately well past our planned departure. Here's where the dilemma intensifies — first, altering our travel plans would be costly, doubling our expenses. Second, it clashes with my work-approved leave, which means cutting our two-week trip to just a week. Third, this trip is my rare chance to reunite with siblings I only see once a year during the holidays. Lastly, we had already aligned our vacation months in advance around the original party date.

Initially, I proposed asking her friend's parents to revert to the initial date, considering our arrangements. My wife didn't agree with that. My second idea was to modify only my stepdaughter's flight since she could travel independently; my wife also disagreed due to her close ties with the other mom and her personal desire to attend. Her solution was simple yet impractical for me — delay our entire family's travel. This suggestion only led to an escalating series of arguments throughout the week.

Last night, the standoff reached a peak when my wife insisted we prioritize the party, opposite to my plan of sticking to our original travel schedule with or without her. The argument spiraled to a point where my stepdaughter labeled me unreasonable, and in my frustration, I suggested grounding her, though my wife opposed, stating our daughter's reaction was warranted. Now, everything's just a huge, tangled mess.

Imagine how people would react if our family drama was part of a reality TV show. Viewers would probably be on the edge of their seats, either criticizing my rigid stance or empathizing with the tough spot we're all in. The drama, the heated exchanges, and the stark decisions could really stir up the audience engagement, making it an episode not to miss.

It's outrageous that he's working with my former boss. In my opinion, he holds the title, but I no longer see him as a boss because he's doing his own thing. I don't see it as a position that limits my work at the company, but rather as one that only gives directions and sticks to them as far as they can, which is the very definition of a boss, formally speaking. Unlike other bosses, who go beyond that, they maintain their boundaries, but you can see that desire to push beyond them, like everyone else. However, that's not the case with this crook. I feel that I'm the one who should be dealing with him, in support of everyone, so as not to give him the impression that he's being sidelined, or at least give him some leeway so that the rest of us don't become blinded as a team. I have no other choice. At least what I have to do, which is answering emails, isn't exhaustive, but I'm the one who has to keep the group going right now, and otherwise, we'll fall apart. I'm tired of having to shoulder his responsibility, because it's clear he's not focused on work, but on anything else that isn't. I live under the constant pressure to preserve his image, no matter what, because otherwise he wouldn't know how to defend himself. He always needs to be at the mercy of whatever he can defend, because going further, getting involved, is something he couldn't do; it would show he's involved in something outside himself. In this sense, he's a difficult person to deal with, because he chooses an image that relies on being nowhere, and because of this, he ends up dominating everyone, of course, out of fear of privacy, of course, out of fear that it will lead to conflict.

This kind of person isn't someone I like, and I feel like he takes away time from doing my own things, from seeing everything from a more holistic point of view. I feel like it makes it hard to write, that he annoys me in general. In fact, I'm writing right now and I don't feel like it precisely because I feel like this guy is a burden, and I wish it weren't so. I even feel like I'm running out of words and I'm searching everywhere for the strength to keep writing the way I like. With him there, it feels more complicated; I have to think more. I don't feel capable of expressing myself freely, or practicing that freedom, because it drains my energy. I miss my freedom, but despite that, I feel that he's not the obstacle right now; rather, he wasn't the obstacle in the first place.

I've been noticing that as I write, I'm opening doors to a world, one I didn't know before, where danger doesn't reign in any way. I feel like things are going better for me with the girl I'm currently in a group with because I feel like I can go out into the world with complete confidence. I feel like I can say I have a group to start out with, unlike the one at home, which is more of an exclusionary act than anything else—a constant test of whether or not anyone is being abandoned. This makes us very observant of our surroundings and eager to escape them at all costs, because we don't like being constantly tested. We're always prejudiced against falling into the wrong hands or something like that, precisely because our own families shaped us and made us face off against other family members, forming factions. In fact, their way of living with us is based on these tests, which always seem insufficient. I feel that deep down, both this girl and I hate our families because of the deep-seated distrust that's masked by those who do favors and, in my case, abandon me completely. For my part, I had to hold everyone accountable, making them directly responsible, by providing evidence of their wrongdoing towards me, so that I could be free and at peace. At least now I have a relationship with my father where we both feel like equals, as it should always have been, by God, a relationship where each of us has our own life, can excuse the other's mistakes, but without compromising the other's quality of life, thus creating a middle ground.

I've always said, and I was reflecting on this a little while ago, that being with my father somehow made me accept all my other relationships. Before, it was about each of us having the space we wanted from the other; now it's about negotiating space, and that's what I'm discussing with my girlfriend. It's about each of us having our own life, but also being able to coexist with the other because there's something that connects us, whether we like it or not. I could apply these same words to my father, but they make me want other experiences just to achieve absolute solitude, where I wouldn't have to be part of any group.

Despite everything, going it alone seems counterproductive, given that I operate on principles that challenge the culture, confront it head-on, and prevent me from offering clear defenses. Instead, I have to maneuver until I manage to escape, meaning waiting for things to happen, not knowing when to step in, until they do, to prevent my silence from being used against me. This was something this boss abused a lot in the beginning, until I managed to get him to leave. It's striking to see how, the last time I went to the office—it was a meeting, a party—he ended up completely broken, totally detached from the office group, out of place, focused on his own needs and seeking satisfaction through others. That extreme work ethic and his lack of presence, his mind elsewhere, clearly showing that he wasn't there; he was completely shattered.

I'm fed up with writing down everything I think. I don't like it because I'm always thinking, and it makes me afraid of thinking. I feel like I'm not writing in my usual concise way, and I'm relying on digital media to stay in tune with what's happening to me, to at least feel like I'm doing something meaningful with my thoughts, instead of just getting stuck there. This could also be used to be rebellious, which I don't want. For some time now, I've noticed I'm trying to understand my life more deeply. Currently, in my office group, I'm with a group of women who were against my boss. He took me in, even though he'd been trying to get me close for a while. I saw them as a way, I think, to make the group stand out socially, which isn't exactly easy to get in the office for fear of being targeted. With me, tricks are met with reprisals in that environment, given that I'm prone to them if you consider the possible connection between their public image and their own. That's why I represent security to them, and for me, the possibility of giving them affection. Of course, everything had to originate with my friend, who was the most withdrawn of all there, for that to happen. She wanted to show that her group was different, different from her, who was reserved, but that doesn't mean she should be abandoned. It doesn't imply possessiveness; quite the opposite. She fosters empathy so that I don't stray from her own image because she knows what it's like to be in that situation of expressing feelings and stepping outside of who she is. Initially, it's something difficult to maintain because people even resort to lies to survive. She needs it, and I'm not justifying her actions, but I must explain the mechanism because, whether we like it or not, we succumb to the effects of prejudice.

Everyone in that office has a tremendous fear of prejudice. I'm so tired of writing so much; it almost makes me want to stop moving around and just close my eyes forever—not in the sense of committing suicide. I write down everything I experience, and it's getting to me because there will always be things to write about. I feel chained down, I admit it.

My relationship with my parents has always been rocky, and it's only gotten harder as I've gotten older.

Recently, I found out I was the beneficiary of a substantial inheritance from my late grandfather – about $125,000 intended to cover my college expenses. Thrilled, I hoped to use this gift to attend my dream university. However, my enthusiasm was quickly dampened by my mother.

She believes that as the eldest child, I am obliged to reimburse her for costs she incurred from my early childhood medical procedures. Approaching her to transfer the inherited funds into my college savings account, she staunchly refused, asserting that the money was hers due to her sacrifices for me. Growing up, she frequently took money from me, including winnings from sports events and even once destroyed a safe given to me by my grandfather.

After cooling down for a few days, I prepared to confront her again, this time armed with detailed documentation. Since I was 13, I kept a meticulous record of all my earnings, now combined with my inheritance, totaling about $250,000. I showed her a detailed list of these transactions, hoping to reason with her, but instead, she became irate, insisting she was entitled to the money because of the medical expenses she had covered.

Realizing calm discussion was futile, and recalling past incidents where she destroyed my documentation, I safely duplicated all evidence on my laptop. When she grabbed and tore up my hard copies, I only added these losses to the grand total.

Two days ago, I sent her an email clearly stating my demands for the return of my funds, disregarding interest to keep matters simple. I included a final warning: if she did not comply, I would pursue legal action, factoring in costs for therapy resulting from our ongoing conflicts.

Did I push things too far? Am I wrong to threaten legal action against my own mother?

Imagine this scenario playing out on a reality TV show. Viewers would likely be divided, some sympathizing with the struggle of reclaiming one's rightful assets, while others might view the legal threats against a family member as too extreme. The dramatic showdowns and tearful confrontations could certainly captivate an audience, potentially painting me either as a victim or a villain based on the editing slant.

I have been born and raised in a pretty religious family, and I always had a good relationship with god but for the past few years ( since 2023 ) it has been so rough.

At first it was okay, I was upset but I still believed that god would help me or guide me but as days passed by I saw that my family and I just constantly went under extreme horrible bad luck and bad luck. People tend to say whatever god does, does it for the betterment for you but what is this? How can we believe that god will save us when it feels like he doesn’t even listen. It’s upsetting to see honest people suffer while selfish people thrive and people say that we shouldn’t say anything as god will punish them after death.

There is this pretty important thing coming up for my religion but honestly I’m not even excited, for the first time in my entire life I’m having second thoughts about whether or not I should perform it.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe god exists and I do want to fix my relationship with my religion but sometimes just sometimes, I just tend to think that it is all so pointless.

( sorry for the confusing rant lol, I just wanted to vent )