Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I and my friend have their own angst yes, but I've always felt so invalidated towards my feelings, I keep comparing our situations.

Like, one time I and my mom got into a fight which ended up with me crying in my room, but then my friend chats me about something negative that happened.

It's more of my fault of why I feel invalidated, I keep saying "my situation isn't that bad, look at them" hahah

Is anyone else scared of what's waiting after high school??? I’m 17, and it feels like every day the pressure gets heavier. My teachers treat me like I’m invisible or like I’m already a lost cause. When I try to ask for help, they either don’t care or act like I’m stupid. One teacher literally said, “You need to start acting like an adult,” when I forgot a homework deadline—and I just stood there thinking: how? No one’s showing me how. Other students don’t make it easier. I don’t fit in, I never have. Group projects? Hell. Presentations? Worse. It’s like I’m watching everyone else pass me by while I’m stuck behind this wall I don’t know how to climb. My grades reflect it all. I try, I honestly do, but the more I fail, the less I believe trying makes a difference. “You need better time management,” they say, but how do you manage time when your brain won’t even let you breathe properly during a test? It’s like school has become this constant performance where I'm always getting the worst reviews.

And after school? What then??? I’m supposed to figure out what I want to do with my life when I can’t even survive one normal week without breaking down? I see people applying to universities, making LinkedIn profiles, talking about internships like they’re already halfway to some successful career... Meanwhile, I’m Googling “what jobs can you get with bad grades.” I’ve looked into vocational programs, but even those say things like “applicants must demonstrate motivation and focus.” What if I don’t have that yet? What if all I have is fear??? People keep throwing around words like “gap year” and “self-discovery,” but that just sounds like stalling to me. Isn’t adulthood supposed to come with stability? Direction? I feel like I’m walking toward a cliff, not a future. My mom says, “You’ll figure it out,” but what if I don’t?? What if I’m one of those people who just never figures it out? It’s hard to stay hopeful when all I see are closed doors and people who seem to have keys I don’t.

Maybe this is just part of growing up. Maybe everyone feels this way at some point; but why does no one say it out loud then? I read somewhere, “Growing up is losing some illusions, in order to acquire others,” and I think about that a lot. Like, was I naïve to think life would feel more solid at this point? Is adulthood just pretending you’re not scared all the time?? I keep wondering if I’m broken or just behind, if this is temporary or permanent. People talk about resilience and mindset, but they don’t talk about how exhausting it is to build those things while drowning. I don’t want to give up—seriously, I don’t—but what if I already have and just haven’t admitted it? Does anyone else feel like they’re being pushed into the future with no idea what they're doing? Because I do. And I don’t think that’s something a motivational quote is going to fix.

i hate my body right now. i don't know if there's any way out besides starving myself. it's the way I was able to lose fat in the past. working out or eating healthy takes too long and too much discipline. i hate hating my body. i want to love my body. i have before. i used to be in love with it, but suddenly I get a little bit bigger on literally JUST MY WAIST AND I HAT E IT> how is that possible. how is it possible that I only grow in one spot. it's making me so upset. it's not fair. nothing else growns. my hips don't grow, my arms don't grow, my legs don't grow JUSt my waist. it's so upsetting. it's so upsetting. it's so upsetting. i just wish I could personify my torso and then hurt it. i don't want to hate any part of myself. i want to love myself as I am .

I never thought I’d be the kind of person to say this, but here I am, typing the words I’ve been too ashamed to admit out loud: I hate my wife. Even writing it feels wrong, like I’m betraying the vows we made on our wedding day. But the truth is, I don’t even recognize the person I married anymore—and maybe, I don’t recognize myself either.

We’ve been married for five years, and somewhere along the way, everything changed. It wasn’t always like this. In the beginning, she was my best friend. We laughed at the same jokes, stayed up late talking about everything, and I couldn’t imagine a life without her. But now? Now it feels like we’re just two strangers living under the same roof.

The little things started piling up first. She’s always criticizing me—what I wear, how I do chores, even the way I talk to people. It’s like nothing I do is ever good enough for her. Last week, I came home after a long day at work, and instead of a simple “hi,” she just started yelling about how I didn’t take the trash out the night before. It’s always something. And yeah, I get it, I’m not perfect. But does she have to make me feel like a failure every single day?

It’s not just the nagging, though. It’s how cold she’s become. We barely talk anymore unless it’s about bills or what’s for dinner. She spends most of her time scrolling on her phone or watching TV. I’ve tried to suggest date nights or even just going for a walk together, but she always has an excuse—too tired, too busy, or just flat-out not interested. It’s like she doesn’t even care about us anymore. And honestly? I’ve stopped trying because rejection hurts too much.

I hate how I feel around her now. It’s like walking on eggshells all the time, trying to avoid another argument. But even when I keep my mouth shut, she still finds something to be mad about. I’m starting to dread coming home because I know it’s just going to be more of the same. I feel trapped, like no matter what I do, I’ll never make her happy.

I’ve tried talking to her about it, but it’s like hitting a brick wall. Whenever I bring up how I’m feeling, she either gets defensive or turns it around on me. “You’re just overreacting,” she’ll say, or, “Maybe if you actually listened to me, things wouldn’t be so bad.” It’s like my feelings don’t matter to her at all. How are we supposed to fix this if she won’t even admit there’s a problem?

The thing is, I don’t want to hate her. I want to fix this. I want to go back to the way things were when we actually liked each other. But I don’t even know where to start. Sometimes I wonder if she hates me too, and we’re just both too scared to admit it. Is this what marriage is supposed to be like? Because if it is, I don’t know if I can do this for the rest of my life.

I’ve thought about leaving, but the idea terrifies me. What if I regret it? What if this is just a rough patch and we could’ve worked through it? Plus, there’s the guilt. I made a promise to her, to stay through better or worse. But how much worse am I supposed to endure before it’s okay to say enough is enough?

And then there’s the practical stuff. We’ve built a life together—shared bills, shared friends, and even a shared dog. Untangling all of that feels impossible. I don’t want to be the bad guy, the one who gave up on our marriage. But at the same time, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling this way.

If this was a reality show, I wonder what people would say about me. Would they see me as the villain, the ungrateful husband who can’t appreciate his wife? Or would they understand that I’m just a guy who’s trying to figure out where things went wrong? Honestly, I don’t even know what to think anymore.

If anyone’s been through something like this, how did you deal with it? Did you stay and try to fix things, or did you walk away? Right now, I just feel stuck, like no matter what I do, I’m going to hurt someone—her or myself. All I know is, I can’t keep living like this. Something has to change, but I don’t know if we can make it work.

i hate that i still think about him every damn day. like seriously, what the actual hell is wrong with me?? it’s been almost a year now, and yet my brain still plays back the same damn memories like a broken-ass record. we broke up for good reasons—he was selfish, emotionally unavailable, and let’s be real, kinda manipulative—but here i am, stuck on this dude like he was the love of my damn life. i know better!! i tell myself all the time that it’s not love anymore, it’s just habit, it’s just comfort, blah blah blah, but none of that seems to help when i see something that reminds me of him and i instantly feel like shit. and what pisses me off the most is that he’s probably doing great, not even sparing me a single thought, while i’m out here spiraling over some random t-shirt he left at my place or that stupid playlist we used to drive around to. 😒

i’ve tried everything. blocking him didn’t help, just made me feel more pathetic because i still checked his socials through a fake account. going out with friends works... for like five minutes until someone mentions his name or something vaguely related and boom, my brain’s back in hell. even dated other guys and guess what? they all felt like filler characters in a story that’s already ended. like i was just going through the motions. one of them even told me i wasn’t really present and yeah, no shit dude. i’m trying but it’s like i’m stuck in emotional cement. and don’t get me wrong, i don’t miss how he made me feel like i was never enough or the stupid games he played when he was “too busy” to call. i miss the small, dumb shit like how he always brought me red bull without asking or how he said my name when he was half asleep. isn’t that just sick?? how can i know someone’s bad for me and still crave their attention like some love-starved idiot???

so yeah, tell me this—why the f*ck can’t i get over him?? is there some switch i forgot to flip? am i broken or just brainwashed from being treated like trash for so long that now i think it’s the norm? i try to analyze it, journal it, scream it into a pillow, and nothing changes. maybe i’m just terrified that no one else will get me the way he did... even if the “getting me” part came with a truckload of emotional damage. maybe it’s not really about him at all, maybe it’s about how i felt when i was with him—like i mattered, like someone chose me, even if he dropped me just as quick. i don’t know. all i know is this mess inside my chest won’t go away and i’m tired of pretending like i’m fine. if you’ve been through this—how the hell did you finally let go??? 💔

Man, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I swear, I try so hard, I put in the hours, I do the work, but somehow it’s never enough. I thought I was smart, or at least average, but ever since I started my engineering studies, it’s like I’m constantly the dumbest guy in the room. I sit in class, listen to the professor explain something, and literally nothing clicks. Then I look around and see everyone nodding like they get it, asking these super technical questions that I don’t even understand enough to know what they’re talking about. I go home, rewatch the lectures, read the textbook, even look up YouTube videos that break it down in a way a 5-year-old could understand. Still nothing. It’s like my brain just refuses to process anything beyond basic math and physics. And don’t even get me started on exams. I walk in hoping for at least a decent grade, and every time, it’s like my mind goes blank. Half the questions look like they were written in another language, and even when I think I know the answer, I second guess myself so much that I end up changing it to the wrong one. I see other people finishing early, walking out looking all confident, and I’m still sitting there, staring at my paper like it’s gonna start answering itself. I try telling myself I just need to study harder, but I do study. Hours and hours, every single day. So if I’m putting in the effort and still failing, then... why am I stupid?

It’s not even like I’m lazy. I’ve seen people who barely study, who just skim through the materiall the night before and somehow pull off good grades. Meanwhile, I’m grinding like my life depends on it, and I still barely scrape by. My friends try to be nice about it. They say stuff like, "Bro, engineering is just hard for everyone, you’ll get there," but then they turn around and ace every assignment while I’m still stuck on step one. I don’t wanna be the guy who holds the group project back, but I can feel it happening. The way they explain things to me, the way they “help” but end up just doing the work themselves because I’m taking too long. It’s humiliating. I used to think I was good at problem-solving, but now every problem just feels like a dead end. I see my classmates who are actually passionate about this stuff, who spend their free time building things, programming just for fun, and I can’t relate at all. I don’t enjoy this. It’s just constant stress, constant failure, and I don’t even know why I’m still here. If I’m struggling this much now, how the hell am I supposed to survive the next few years? And then after that, actually work as an engineer? No company’s gonna wanna hire the guy who barely made it through college.

I keep wonderingg if I should just quit. Maybe this isn’t for me. Maybe I’m just not smart enough to do this kind of work, and I should accept that before I waste even more time and money. But then what? It’s not like I have some other passion waiting for me. Engineering was supposed to be the plan, the safe choice, the thing that would guarantee a good job. If I walk away from this, then what do I even do? My parents would be disappointed, I’d have to start over with something new, and I have no clue what that would even be. I don’t wanna be a dropout. I don’t wanna be a failure. But I also don’t wanna keep feeling like this, like I’m just too dumb to be here. I keep hoping one day it’ll just “click,” that suddenly things will start making sense, but I’m starting to think that’s never gonna happen. Maybe some people are just not meant for this kind of stuff, and I’m one of them. And honestly, if that’s true, then I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next...

How can i get more things and be more productive when i feel so tired and overwhelmed and nervous all the time? I feel so horrible and i want to hide away from everyone and everything.

Things are Just too much right now. And i never know what to do. Sometimes the only things i can manage Is either sleeping for almost the whole day or shutting my brain off looking at my phone or Just pacing around my house.

I'm so tired. I felt tired for so long now. It's so hard to find energy or motivation when i feel like doing Is Hide and sleep for the rest of the day. I am trying to be better but it Just doesn't work. Everything Just feels so tiring. It feels like everything Is falling apart at the seams all at once.

This one will be short.

In preschool... They say it gets better in elementary school.

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It doesn't😑.

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In elementary school... They say it gets better in middle school/junior high.

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It doesn't😑.

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In middle school/junior high... They say it gets better in high school.

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It doesn't😑.

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In high school... They say it gets better in community college.

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It doesn't😑.

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In community college... They say it gets better at University.

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It doesn't😑.

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They say it gets better once you start working after college.

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...

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I honestly don't know if it does... But if my track record is the same... Then...

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...

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It doesn't😑.

But that could just be me... I'm happy and jealous of all those who are successful in the school and career lives!! Hats off to ya! A round of applause! Wolf whistle in the back!

...

I sad🥲.

Long vent

Super, super long day today. I feel exhausted and just honestly like a wet rag.

Had two tests today and idk how to feel about them. I don't think they went bad, but i do think i could've done better. I did study, but not as much as i wanted to, cause yesterday i felt really bad and couldn't continue for a while. I just kinda wanted to go home and sleep forever, but then my mom told me that this morning my grandpa called (from my dads side, we're not good terms with them) and got aggressive and insulted her over the phone. Now she'd like me to call him and defend her, I think. Maybe argue back and throw some insults of my own. But i get really nervous in arguements and It takes nothing to make me start crying, and Just the thought of calling and argueing with them specifically freaks me out. I don't know what do right now. I'm just tired of everything.

Bro, I need to get outta here. Like, fr, the second I turn 18, I’m gone. I can’t take livin with my parents anymore, all the stupid rules, all the nagging, all the "under my roof, my rules" BS. Like, okay, I get it, I’m still a kid technically, but damn, let me breathe. Everytime I do anything, it's a problem. Why u always on ur phone? Why u sleep so late? Where u goin? Who u texting? Like, chill?? I just wanna live my own life without feelin like I gotta report my every move. And don’t even get me started on the whole “you’re not ready for the real world” speech. Like, okay?? And whose fault is that?? Maybe if they let me actually do stuff instead of controlling everything, I’d know how to handle myself. But nah, they just wanna keep me stuck here forever. Not happening.

Only problem is… I kinda have no clue how to actually move out. Like, I know I need money, that’s obv, but rent is stupid expensive, and I don’t even have a full-time job yet. Been tryna save from my part-time job, but bro, what’s that gonna get me? A month of rent maybe and then what? And then there’s bills, food, furniture—like, damn, why is existing so expensive?? I thought about gettin a roommate, but idk anyone tryna move out yet. Plus, I lowkey don’t wanna end up livin with some weirdo off the internet, but at this point, I might have to. I just need my own space. Even if it’s some tiny apartment, idc. Just as long as it’s mine. Cuz right now? I feel like I got zero freedom. Can’t go out late, can’t bring people over, can’t even eat what I want without my mom actin like I just committed a crime. Like damn, let me eat ramen at 2AM in peace.

So yeah, I know moving out won’t be easy. I know I’m probly gonna be broke for a while, probly gonna regret it the first time I gotta pay for toilet paper with my own money. But honestly? Still worth it. I’d rather struggle on my own than keep feeling like I’m trapped in a house that don’t even feel like mine. I just gotta figure out the money part, maybe get a second job, maybe find some cheap place in a bad neighborhood, idk. But I’ll figure it out. Cuz one thing I do know? I’m not stayin here any longer than I have to.

One afternoon, after a long day at work, I returned home to find a message from my neighbor plastered on my door. It read, "Please refrain from parking on this street this Monday from 10am to 12pm due to a filming activity. The NYPD has been informed and parking restrictions will be enforced." This alert seemed a bit off to me, so I decided to check with the local police station. Upon inquiry, they confirmed that while my neighbor had indeed notified them about the filming, they had not authorized any parking enforcement or restrictions for that day.

The next day, another message from my neighbor appeared, this time amending his previous note: "Hello, it appears there was a misunderstanding regarding NYPD's involvement in the ticketing of cars. Nonetheless, I would really appreciate it if you could avoid parking here during the mentioned hours." His change in tone didn't sit well with me, particularly because of his initial threat of ticketing.

Choosing to stand my ground, I made no plans to move my car that Monday. Our neighborhood is generally calm and provides ample parking, which makes it a favorite for driving schools to conduct their lessons due to its tranquility.

On Monday morning, as I was heading out to catch the subway, I encountered the neighbor setting up his filming equipment. He inquired if I knew whose car was parked on the street and if it could be moved. I admitted mine was among them but declined to move it. He pleaded, saying it would help him greatly. I reminded him of his initially deceptive approach which had soured any willingness on my part to assist him. He persisted, but I refused again, leading him to label me as rude and an inconsiderate neighbor. I brushed off his comments and proceeded to the subway.

Imagining this scenario taking place on a reality show adds an intriguing layer. How would viewers react to such a confrontation broadcasted nationally? Reality show audiences often enjoy drama and conflict, so this situation could likely become a pivotal and much-discussed moment of an episode. Viewers might split into camps, some siding with the filmmaker for trying to pursue his project and others with the car owner standing up against what they perceived as initial bullying. The debates on social media platforms could be intense, examining the ethics of neighborhood cooperation versus personal rights.

So, am I just standing up for my rights or making too big a deal out of something small?

okayy so I was preparing for this competitive exam , JEE. yesterday the results were announced right. and its fine. i got what i expected. it wasnt an extraordinary result but i was prepared for this. or so i thought. yk i really thought nothing would bother me, cause i honestly didnt give a fuck about this. so it was fine ,i talked to some friends as well. and the i looked at someone's story. he posted hi result cause it was quite nice. what took me by shock was that this guy, and i swear he's the worst person i've met in my entire life, this complete idiot who i didnt even know was appearing for this exam scored way better than me? when i gave about two years to this, and he...actually i dont know if we was preparing for this but he probably was.....but how COULD HE EVER SCORE BETTER THAN ME? anyonessssssss's result i can believe , but this guy? nooooo wayyyyy. my chest started to hurt, it was that bad. AND bdw we sorta dated a few years back it was an on and off thing, really messed up but the one thing i had an upper hand in was this! studying scoring good blah blah blah being smart in general yk? and this guy was your typical school dumb playboy who was extraordinarily ,well an idiot. THIS IS NOT FAIR. i almost dont believe his result. i have been thinking maybe he cheated or edited his result or something but idk. he seems to lazy for that kinda effort. anyways this is definitely not me being a bitch and thinking that people cannot have an academic comeback. no this is really not that. i strongly believe anyone can score good in any exam with enough effort, BUT this person attended every concert in our state , he was always out , he was always wasting his time like hell, ad tbh he realllyyy wasnt someone who could pull this off. and bdw total loser and cheater , in life and as a bf. but thats besides the point. well if he really put in the effort than, props to him ig? but i made me go into a spiral. i have not been this unhappy in a long time i hae not felt such immense hatred for anyone, and my god i could just...idk. i am trying to deal with this and i am telling myself i can always do better in my umcoming tests, but this has made me question everything? am i so dumb that i couldnt eeven ace a test that a random below avg student aced without even trying? IDK man . idk.

I’ve always been somewhat paranoid about food hygiene – blame it on years in food service plus childhood memories of getting sick from our granny’s meals. My partner, however, tends to dismiss my concerns about food safety, only really embracing the culinary arts himself the last few years. Although he’s pretty competent, he occasionally disregards my cautious food advice, opting instead to trust the general advice online, which tends to annoy me.

A couple of weeks ago, while we were putting away groceries, I noticed that one of the bottles of sauce didn't look quite right—it was unusually dark and the oil had separated. I suggested he take a picture, request a refund, and discard it. Although he agreed that something seemed off, he just put it back on the shelf. Over the next several days, I mentioned the sauce a few times, concerned that he had not yet thrown it out. After some repeated discussions, I gave up.

Then, out of nowhere, he messages me to say he had to stop working due to vomiting. He hardly ever gets ill, so I immediately worried. It turned out he had consumed the suspicious sauce and was suffering the consequences. Despite my frustration, I helped him settle down with electrolytes and his video game, mostly because I had a doctor’s appointment the next day which he’d promised to attend with me, and now everything seemed more complicated.

Thankfully, he recovered quickly—fast enough to accompany me as promised. However, as he was feeling better and began to prepare himself something to eat, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut any longer and pointed out that this incident wouldn’t have happened if he’d heeded my initial warning. This sparked a bit of a heated debate where he insisted it was just a bad luck incident, while I felt vindicated in my caution.

Now, we’re locked in disagreement; if you think I was harsh for confronting him when he was nearly recovered, I’m prepared to say sorry. If not, I stand by my stance.

One has to wonder how this episode would’ve unfolded if it were being filmed for a reality show. Imagine the dramatic zoom-ins and suspenseful music as I inspect the sauce and declare it bad, cut to him eating the sauce against a backdrop of ominous tunes, and then the inevitable 'I-told-you-so' showdown. Would the audience side with me, or see my nagging as over the top?

In my line of work within a specific branch of government, we have a close-knit community. Among my colleagues is someone I'll refer to as Sara, who recently put me in a rather precarious situation. Sara and I have always had a decent working relationship, strictly professional, and she's known for her integrity.

Sara came to me with a request to help her secure a personal loan of $25,000. Her objective is to purchase a space to set up a store in her hometown, aiming to boost her husband’s financial stability.

Personally, I’ve managed to stay debt-free and cautious about any financial engagements. Trusting Sara wasn’t the issue, but the magnitude of the loan and its implications made me anxious. I expressed my reservations, telling her, “I understand this is crucial for you, but I’m not comfortable with the risk associated with cosigning such a substantial sum. It’s a serious financial commitment, and I’m not ready to undertake that risk.”

This response led Sara to become visibly upset and emotional. She retorted, “You don’t trust me? This store is our chance to secure our financial future! The bank won’t consider my husband because he doesn’t have a job right now. I really thought you could help me.”

Although I felt awful for declining, my stance was firm based on my own financial principles—something influenced by my admiration for financial guru, Dave Ramsey, and his skepticism towards debt.

Now, the atmosphere between Sara and me has grown tense, and she's scarcely conversing with me. The guilt for not aiding her does linger, yet I remain convinced that prioritizing my financial health was the right choice.

Was I wrong to refuse to cosign her loan?

Imagine if this scenario played out on a reality show. The cameras capturing every detail, the audience likely split in their sympathies. The pressures of public opinion could potentially sway my decision or make the fallout from my refusal even more dramatic. How would the audience react, watching these personal and financial dilemmas unfold in real time? Would they champion my cautious approach, or condemn it as unsympathetic?

Recently, I encountered quite the unexpected scenario at my doorstep—a hefty package awkwardly perched right outside our apartment. It must have weighed between 30 and 40 pounds. Given my disability and the fact that my husband is currently recovering from a shoulder operation, maneuvering this parcel was going to be no easy feat. We would need to lug it upstairs, across our complex, and then down another flight of stairs to correct the delivery blunder. And all of this hassle for a mere letter? Definitely.

Upon closer examination, the package bore the logo of a well-known brand. A scan of the exposed barcodes revealed that it contained precisely the item I'd been dreaming of—in my preferred color and style, no less. The thing's worth at least $400.

This package, mistakenly left at my door, was dispatched by a major private shipping company on behalf of a renowned big box retailer.

It's clear that the intended recipient has all the rights to claim this item. My home security camera, which recorded the delivery, showed that a photo was taken upon drop-off, proving conclusively that this package was not delivered to the correct address.

One can't help but wonder what would happen if I choose to keep this delivery. Really, what would the reaction be if all of this were unfolding under the watchful eyes of a reality TV audience? Imagine the live comments and speculation flying all over social media, dissecting every possible ethical consideration and predicting my next move!

Does this make me an unethical person if I decide to claim the item as my own?