Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

My intelligence is in decline, and it shows through my dropping grades and my sudden inability to form a single thread of rational/coherent thought, nonetheless converse properly with others. This might have been because I withdrew myself for the past few years, isolating myself from all social contact like a fool because I couldn't handle relationships anymore and pitied myself for being part of a broken home---it might've been because all the pain I felt back then messed up my brain.

I can't think clearly anymore, and my head feels stuffy all day every day; it doesn't stop. I've said so many hurtful things to this girl I recently came to care about, because I didn't realize what I was saying as my brain short-circuited every second and automatically rushed to the first (and often inappropriate) thing that came to mind. I'm so frustrated with myself right now. Before my withdrawal I used recognize and manage people's emotions really well and be able to navigate my interactions with others with a degree of emotional intelligence; now I'm simply an airhead who's too stuck up in the clouds to concentrate on her words.

I also used to excel in school and was basically the "smart kid" in class. Now I've built up a reputation of holding her head in front of the whole class, crying, "I'm sorry; my brain is short-circuiting"; stupidly staring at her textbook with a blank stare when the teacher asked her to answer a question about what we read; and responding to "What American history topic do you want to write a poem on?" with "Bloody Mary."

I went to a doctor last November in search of answers, and it was confirmed that I had an iron deficiency (but not anemic yet). I took pills regularly afterwards, but even now that my iron levels are in normal range, I still experience brain fog. I told my doctor about this, and it just seems everything points to a mental problem. Yet I can't check with a psychologist because of circumstances that can't be helped. I can't do this anymore. I feel like an utter failure and feel so alone right now.

I'm a 48-year-old father who has been trying to navigate parental waters with my daughter, Lisa, who is now 15. She is my child from a previous marriage, and unfortunately, the relationship with her mother isn't great. This strife between her mom and me has unfortunately spilled over into my relationship with Lisa, tainting our interactions with underlying tension and resentment. Lisa has a sharp tongue similar to her mother's, often appearing rude and entitled, which she directed fully at my current wife, Rosemary, during our wedding a few years back, which she chose not to attend.

Rosemary, who is 38, and I later had a son and then not too long ago unexpectedly expanded our household to include her nephew Blake, a 17-year-old who had a tragic car accident leaving him with a disability. He's an incredible young man, integrating well into our family life despite his challenges. Originally, I had planned to give Lisa an allowance and a Cadillac Escalade for her 16th birthday. However, given our strained situation and Blake's necessity for transportation due to his mobility issues, I redirected this support toward him instead.

When Lisa learned about the discontinuation of her allowance and the redirect of the car to Blake, she reached out after months of no communication. Explaining to her that financial strains made it difficult to maintain the allowance stirred a cauldron of anger, leading to harsh words from her and involving her mother and stepfather, who threatened legal action. Despite knowing Rosemary's lawyer background offers some comfort in these threats, it's disheartening that our already fragile relationship might be heading towards permanent estrangement.

Adding to the family drama, if this scenario were to unfold on a reality TV show, it definitely would add another layer of intensity and public scrutiny. Viewers could be split in their reactions, some perhaps empathizing with Lisa’s sense of feeling replaced, while others might criticize her entitlement and lack of compassion towards Blake’s situation. The public loves drama, and this situation has it in spades, making it a potentially viral storyline that could significantly sway public opinion based on each episode’s portrayal of our family dynamic.

What do you guys think about my situation?

i hate it. the feeling of being seen, like actually seen, not just people glancin at you in the street or passin by, but when someone really looks at you, like they’re tryin to figure you out, like they have questions, like they see somethin in you that you don’t even see in yourself. it makes my skin crawl. i overthink every little thing, how i stand, how i move, if my face looks weird when im just existing, if my voice sounds stupid when i speak. every time i step outside, i feel like im being judged, even if no one is sayin anything. and the worst part? i know most people don’t care, i know logically they’re all too busy with their own lives to be analyzin me, but my brain don’t listen to logic. my brain tells me everyone notices, everyone sees, everyone is thinkin somethin. so i shrink, i make myself smaller, i walk quieter, i avoid eye contact, i make sure i dont take up too much space, bc the less people see me, the safer i feel. but its exhausting. always second-guessing, always panicking about the tiniest things, always wishing i could just exist without feeling like im being watched.

nd it’s not just in public, it’s everywhere. online, in messages, even around people i know. every time i post somethin, i think should i delete it? does this make me look dumb? did i say too much? did i say too little? every time i talk to someone, i replay the convo in my head a thousand times, picking apart everything i said, wondering if i sounded weird or annoying. nd it makes me not wanna talk at all. like, if i never say anything, if i never put myself out there, then theres nothin to be judged, right? but then that feels just as bad, bc i want to connect, i want to be a person, i just don’t want to be perceived while doing it. i don’t want people to have opinions on me, to see me one way when i see myself another, to misunderstand, to assume, to put a label on me i don’t want. nd maybe that’s the problem. maybe i dont even kno who i am without other people’s perception, nd that’s why it scares me so much. bc what if i don’t like what they see? what if they see the real me, and i don’t even know who that is?

(I didn’t know what to put for the category sorry)

I’m 14 years old (female). I don’t feel safe in public, and I haven’t since I was 11 because of men. It doesn’t matter what I’m wearing or were I am, men just stare. When I was 12, I went to camp with my mom and a man came over and asked how old I was. I told him I was 12 and he just came over to sit at the campfire with me, my mom, and my moms friend who’s camper was right next to ours. He just sat himself down asking where I was from and what I like to do. He then said “Maybe you and me need to hangout alone sometime”. I was incredibly uncomfortable the entire time, after he said that my mom asked me to “go get smth from the camper” as a way to get me away from him.

My moms husband (My step dad, but I don’t like him so I just call him her husband) would always watch me when I was around 8 because I lived with my mom at that time. My moms shower had a clear curtain that was just kinda blurry, I asked her not to let him in because he would come in and stare at my blurred figure through the curtain. She said she would keep him out but he did it again and he wouldn’t leave till I asked him to because I had to get out of the shower but the only reason he left was because my mom needed him. I stopped taking showers after that. One night I woke up and saw him in my room, I didn’t think much of it but the room was dark so I just laid there with my eyes open to see what he was doing. He took a pair of my underwear out of my drawer and just left. I don’t remember what happened, but I was running from him one day and locked myself in my room, but since my door didn’t have a lock I pushed my dresser against the door. I remember I was crying and I didn’t come out till my mom begged me to move the dresser away from the door. I told my dad how creepy he was and we got a restraining order for a year. Thankfully after that he aged me and I hated him so he didn’t talk to me. I haven’t seen him or my mother in a year and I couldn’t be happier.

Just the other day I went to the gas station a few blocks from my house with my dad and my sister. We walked in and I almost bumped into this guy so I said sorry and turned around to go to my dad who was standing at the ATM machine at the isle right next to me. The man followed behind me very quickly and I quickly went to stand next to my dad. The man stood behind my dad and looked at me then looked around before walking away. I wasn’t gonna say anything to my dad about it but my dad saw it and told me to stay close to him because he didn’t like how he followed and how he was looking at me.

Every time I go out now I feel scared, there’s always some man staring at me for way too long. I’m scared to leave my own house and I can’t go to stores alone out of fear that something will happen to me. I don’t want to have to worry about what I’m wearing, that shouldn’t be an issue. I never wear anything that shows a lot of skin. I just want to feel safe

I find myself in a unique position that I can't quite put my finger on. At 23, I feel like I should have a better grasp on what my relationships are supposed to look like, yet here I am, questioning whether I’m in a queerplatonic relationship or something that defies categorization altogether. It’s complicated when the emotional bonds of friendship start feeling very much like partnership, yet the labels we’ve been given don’t seem to fit. You know that feeling when you have a deep connection with someone, where the lines between friendship and romance are so blurred that you’re left wondering if you should just throw caution to the wind and embrace whatever this is or if you need to examine it more critically?

I mean, we spend nearly all of our time together—cooking dinners, binge-watching shows, even having those deep midnight conversations that last for hours. There's a comfort level that’s reminiscent of a long-term romantic relationship, but we never actually call ourselves a couple. We’ve both made it clear that we don’t want to label our relationship in typical terms, but the nature of our bond seems to challenge the boundary between friendship and a queerplatonic relationship. At times, it feels like we’re almost like partners in crime; the way we support each other emotionally feels heavy with significance. But when I look for definitions to cling to, I often question if what we have is actually queerplatonic. Does it have to fit into a convenient box, or can it simply exist outside of labels?

When we’re navigating the world together, I notice how we interact with other people. Friends often ask if we’re a couple because we do share physical affection, like holding hands or hugging, which typically imply romance. They exchange glances that seem to suggest I should either embrace this label or clarify my feelings. In these moments, I can’t help but feel a bit anxious. Are we doing something wrong by not defining ourselves as a couple? Or is there a possibility that this unusual connection is valid just on its own, and it doesn’t need to conform to societal expectations? There's so much unexpected joy in our relationship that questions whether I should just lean into the ambiguity; I often vacillate between wanting to clarify and remaining in this emotionally rich, undefined space.

Navigating these waters becomes even murkier when it comes to communicating about our feelings. We touch upon it sometimes, but genuine discussions about what we’re feeling and whether we want to label our relationship always seem to get sidestepped. I’m left wondering if it’s fear that holds us back, perhaps a fear of disrupting the beautiful rhythm we have established. Or maybe it's the excitement of being in something unique that keeps us from placing a set name on it, feeling that labeling it could somehow dilute what’s special. So, I ask you: when it comes to relationships that are this complicated—where do you draw the line? Are we too hesitant to discuss the nature of our bond, or is there wisdom in letting it float in this undefined space where love, affection, and friendship coexist harmoniously? I’m truly curious to hear what others think about my situation;

I'm usually knee-deep in work from a job that demands almost everything from me, and my partner, Alex, is fully aware of how strenuous it can be. Not long ago, I decided that it was essential to establish clearer boundaries regarding my availability after work hours. Specifically, I made it a rule not to take work-related calls after 7 pm. Alex seemed to agree with this new arrangement at first, appreciating that we could spend more quality time together without interruptions from my work.

However, last night, things took a bizarre turn. Around 8:30 pm, as we were settling down for the evening, my boss called. Sticking to my new-found boundaries, I chose to ignore the call. But Alex, to my dismay, questioned why I wasn't answering. I explained that it was part of my effort to prevent work from overrunning my personal life. Without hesitating, Alex picked up my phone and answered the call himself, telling my boss that I was "too busy relaxing to talk." I was completely embarrassed! The tone in my boss's voice was clearly one of irritation when I ultimately had to take the phone. I ended up spending the next 30 minutes sorting out work issues, a situation exacerbated by Alex's remark which made it appear as though I was neglecting my duties.

After I hung up, I confronted Alex. I was livid and explained how inappropriate it was for him to intervene in my work matters. He just shrugged it off, suggesting I was overreacting and claiming that I shouldn't feel ashamed for enforcing my boundaries around work. This whole ordeal has left me second-guessing both my boundary-setting and his understanding of it. Am I overreacting, or was his interference out of line?

Imagine if this scenario unfolded on a reality show. The drama would certainly amplify, with cameras capturing every moment of the exchange and potentially millions of viewers judging the dynamics of our relationship. Viewers might side with me for trying to establish work-life balance, or they could sympathize with Alex, perceiving him as supporting a more relaxed approach. The court of public opinion could dramatically sway in either direction, affecting not just perceptions but our relationship dynamics after being exposed to widespread scrutiny.

Was my partner's action on my work call justified?

Raised on my family's sprawling farm, my ancestors had tilled the soil for generations. Unlike them, I developed an early aversion to farm life, finding little joy in the endless dirt and the company of farm animals.

At the age of 18, I bid farewell to the rural lifestyle and relocated to a bustling city, embracing an urban existence I cherished, though I still visited the farm occasionally out of love for my family.

Sadly, three years ago, my mother passed away, and recently, my father died in a tragic accident at work. This left my younger brother, Daniel, and me as the only heirs to the family estate.

Having been financially supported by my parents throughout my life, I anticipated inheriting little and was content with just a few sentimental family items. However, during a meeting with the lawyer to discuss the will, Daniel and I were taken aback to learn that I had inherited three-quarters of the farm, with the remainder going to him.

The rationale behind such an unequal distribution baffled me, particularly since Daniel had devoted his life to the farm, unlike me. I suspected it might be because I have two children, but they were already provided for in the will.

Seeing Daniel's discomfort with the arrangement, I quickly assured him I would willingly transfer the majority of the land to him. Despite his initial protests, we agreed to resolve the matter privately at a later date.

I shared my decision with my wife, Lila, who was vehemently opposed. She argued that my choice was reckless, highlighting the farm's significant value. I contended that the land held value only for those with intentions to utilize it, which neither I nor our children had. Lila suggested keeping half the land just in case our children wished to farm in the future, an idea that I reluctantly agreed to.

Currently, Lila is not speaking to me, awaiting my final decision on the matter. This situation left me questioning: am I being unreasonable?

Picture this scenario playing out on a reality show. How would the audience react to such family drama and decision-making? Likely, viewers would be split, with some empathizing with my desire to do right by my brother, and others siding with Lila, arguing the practicality of retaining valuable assets. Reality television thrives on such conflicts, and this situation could provide ample fodder for dramatic scenes and viewer engagement.

I need some feedback to understand if my perspective on this family inheritance dilemma holds merit.

To make the backstory as short as possible I’ll simplify. At 11 my dad died. At 13 I entered foster care. All was drug related. After being in care for a few months no one wanted me and they put me in a mental hospital which is normal for teens. They drugged us there to keep us high and quiet. I lived there for two years to get ripped from that life to a farm life of no pills, religion, and no time out of the house. I went to school, church, and back at home to clean, so once I left that one I was 17 and free to the world ( I graduated at 17) I immediately jumped relationship to relationship, introduced to drugs, and after having two miscarriages I started drinking my sorrows. After a year after this started I was pregnant with my first. Things didn’t go well with the father and I, he was abusive and a m37h addict. I had no clue until we were in a shitty trailer and all my money was gonna and I was stuck. I have no family, nothing. I ended up smoking weed my entire pregnancy and allowed my half brother to adopt him (I only contacted out of desperation he’s the only bit of my dad left) he and I don’t speak other than about the baby but that’s about it. Its always been tense. After this I fell pregnant again after three months postpartum with a guy that I really felt was different. I truly still love him and that’s what makes this so hard. He smoked weed and so did I. He couldn’t quit and I wanted to but there was so much that made me feel hated and unloved. Things started getting physical and we were in that same trailer which was all but a shack. After the birth of my daughter at six weeks early the relationship between me and everyone became tense. Since she was in the nicu only certain visitors could come in alone otherwise I’d have to be in there. During a visit with my bfs mom she kissed my daughter on the forehead who might I add was at the time having breathing issues and was not breathing on her own. She was just born too early and it would take some time. But unfortunately I would have to fight to get a chance to keep her since I smoked weed. I got clean for a few months but my drug tests said I was still smoking. Once they signed off my rights, I started smoking again because I felt there was no reason to try. I drank again. I gave up. Then something snapped in me. I got back to just weed and way less than normal. I’m getting close to quitting. Today however, almost a year since my daughters birth, my bfs mawmaw decided to throw new info my way and it felt very malice and no one seems to care that she said it at all. Including my boyfriend who still can’t get clean either. She said that my daughter might have cerebral palsy and it’s because I did drugs while pregnant. I’ve already blamed myself for the entire year about any issue she has as is. I’ve wanted to do better but that’s where I’m stuck too. I have no car, no license, barely a job, and my relationship feels very… one sided. Controlled. When I get close to feeling like I can just do it homeless, he loves me more. When I fully trust and love him and everything feels at its best, he gets abusive. I know the obvious answers but at this point how things are, his family has money and if I leave I’ll never know another thing about my daughter. Ever. If I stay, I hurt myself to be there for her in any way I can. Even to get just a picture every other month, it’s worth the hell I go through. Being a mother biologically is still an awful and wonderful feeling. I want to be better, but everyone around me tell me how much I do wrong and any time I open my mouth they say I’m making excuses, they yell at me. I feel like a little kid but in the hospitals again. Just like an orphan they can’t quite just not help but what they do is worse than not helping. I want to break free and change but the only way at this point is fully being homeless and losing all my belongings. I don’t know what I could ask for on advice or anything. I just need some reassurance that I’m some way it’ll all work out for the best.

look so there was this guy i was dating like since october ish and we were on and off a lot for like awhile okay maybe 2 months ago is when we like stopped being on and off so much. during the time i wasnt talking to him i met this other guy. now before i continue lets call my ex 1 and this new guy 2. so i started to really like 2 like a lot and i guess he started to like me as well. we didnt really define what we were but we would always say we were just friends right. so one night i was on a trip and i had an argument with 2 and i was just really sad and oh my god did i miss 1 so much. like i literally unblocked him and decided to text him . this was probably such a bad decision ever. after i texted 1 it was probably already really late at night so he didnt respond until the next morning. after he responded i started to talk with him a lot like A LOT to the point where we added eachother back on everything. now this was really bad bc i still was really in love with 1 but i kinda still had a crush on 2. a few days go by wtv wtv. and i was back from my trip so the night i got back i believe i decided to call 2. now it was like maybe 10pm around that time and sometimes when we call we just decide to screenshare and watch tiktoks wtv wtv. so anyway we were watching tiktok together until he told me to go to my ig dms. and i was like "what why?" and 2 continued to say "well i saw u followed u ex back, can u show me ur dms w him" now i obviously said no bc in the dms i was literally saying how i stilled loved him. so this proceeded for awhile of him asking to see the dms and i just continued to say no. then 2 threatened to block me or whatever and i was like what? now mind u i still had a crush on 2, it was really bad like i ended up blocking 1 and then wtv wtv happened. i fucked up so bad bro like idk WHY i listened to 2. but anyway maybe a few weeks go by later and i started to talk to my old friend and we didnt talk for awhile, lets call her 3 okay. so i started to talk with her blah blah and my ex came up into the topic along with her ex bc my ex and her ex are like best friends basically. anyway we started talking about them right until she had the smart idea to fucking re add him or whatever. so after that happens a WHOLE fucking gc is made bro. so my ex her ex and their other friend were in the gc. now 3's ex and the other guy start full on bashing me bro like being hella mean. now at this time me and 2 were arguing (again btw) so i didnt really gaf. i ended up leaving the gc bc i was just so upset over everything until MY EX added me bro. oh my god. so i added him back and we started talking. so at this point 2 was gone he blocked me bc i "did something wrong" apparently. and i was like yes now i have my ex back everything will be good. um no so after me and my ex start talking again 2 FUCKING ADDS ME AGAIN. oh my GODDD. it gets so bad bc now AGAIN i started to talk to both of them at the same time (NOT LIKE ACTUALLY TALKING OR WTV) and my feelings started going back to 2. so 2 knew i was talking to 1 but 1 didnt know i was talking to 2. so this was like really really bad. one day i was at school and 1 texts me and is like "yo why are u talking to 2 again i thought u were over with him" after i responded to this me and 1 had the biggest argument ever and he said "its either him or me im not doing this" and i said i was gna block 2 (which i never did and i WISH i did) so since i didnt block him in time 1 ends up unadding me again and i havent talked to him since. rn im kinda still talking w 2 but i FUCKING HATE HIM. like oh MY GODDD. hes so annoying hes literally so sensitive over EVERY little thing. like today he got upset bc i didnt snap him back right away. HELLO. bro i wish i was like born in the dawn of time bro where phone nd shit didnt exist so i wouldnt have to to this stupid streak nonsense. like when people say social media killed romance like it may sound corny but its so fucking true. irrelevant but, i really just want to get rid of 2 and start talking w 1 again. but i think 1 genuinely hates me. look idk what to do but i honestly might just block 2 and not end up talking to 1 bc i think i just need a break from like everything. like boy drama isnt worth it. but please i hope someone reads this so SOMEONE can answer my poll.

I REALLY DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU HAVE your own ideas and requirements but don’t say them upfront. You wait until I’ve completed everything and then demand a full revision of my work.

From the start, it was agreed that I would be fully responsible for designing this website. But now that I’ve designed it, you keep insisting on changes. And then you tell me that if I had scheduled a meeting earlier, none of these issues would have happened.

You were the one who asked me to design it, and now you’re the one saying it doesn’t look good. In the end, you also want everything done according to your exact preferences. Why the hell didn’t you just lay out your design from the beginning? Now that I’ve done all the work, you want it entirely your way!

I really hate it when people keep their ideas to themselves and only start nitpicking after I’ve already done the work. If you’re so great at it, do it yourself! Damn it!

I must have been out of my mind to agree to be your business partner!

Greetings. I'm currently enduring the first year of my medical residency, a stage that's proving to be as relentless as anticipated. The hospital consumes my existence, requiring upwards of 72 hours each week, including weekends—a luxury I deeply miss for some downtime overlooking the Pacific from my balcony.

Last Saturday marked my initiation into the world of 24-hour shifts. The experience was grueling; I ended it with sore feet, an aching back, and a mind screaming for a reset button.

Come Sunday, my shifts were slightly less demanding, spanning from morning till evening. In whatever spare moments I found, I checked in on my partner Jamie, who telecommutes. We usually chat about our days, and this time, I got a promise from them to prepare my favorite meal—Katsu with brown rice drenched in plenty of Katsu sauce. My anticipation was high, as it had been ages since I enjoyed a home-cooked meal, given my usual lack of energy to cook post-shifts and odd hours closure of nearby eateries.

My commute home is generally an hour and a half ride, but a severe traffic accident prolonged it immensely that day. Arriving home famished, I was met with disappointment rather than the aroma of cooked rice. Finding the kitchen untouched, my irritation surged. Jamie didn’t respond when I called them, prompting me to search upstairs, only to discover them immersed in video games.

Our ensuing conversation was tense. I questioned why they hadn’t cooked as promised, and it turned out they forgot after being distracted post-work. I pointed out that a simple heads-up would have been considerate, allowing me to grab food on my way. My tone may have been harsh, but the situation warranted it, given my exhaustive work pace and their awareness of it.

Jamie snapped, labeling me unreasonable over what they deemed a "small oversight." Post-argument, hungry and frustrated, I left to satiate my hunger alone. While out, Jamie texted their food request, which I chose to ignore. Upon my return and realization that I hadn't catered to their late request, Jamie called me petty and retreated upstairs. I, too exhausted to retort, opted for silence, focusing solely on my meal, shower, and much-needed rest.

Had this been captured on a reality TV show, I imagine the spectacle would have drawn varied reactions from the audience—sympathy, judgment, maybe entertainment. Reality TV thrives on such personal dramas, painting vivid pictures of everyday struggles that resonate or repel. How viewers might side in such a scenario could highlight the divide in perspectives on professional stress versus personal obligations.

Who was more unreasonable in this scenario?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 months in the past couple weeks. He’s been really moody. I’m not sure what it is. I’ve asked him about it. I’ve explained that it’s making me feel down because he won’t explain and I feel useless as a girlfriend. The other day we were on call (luckily) as we haven’t called for a couple days and he was still upset so of course me being people pleaser I tried to make him laugh. I said that I was gonna hack and do school frame and spy on the campus cameras, (this is how we don’t take it seriously I would never do something like that) and he went into full detail of why I wasn’t gonna, and I told him that it was just a joke and that I was sorry. And then I said jokingly “you hate me, don’t you?” And he replied with “yeah, who wouldn’t hate a sensitive bitch like you” and I paused for almost 5 straight minutes wondering if you really said that or if I was just insane. he tried saying that he was just being sarcastic and that he didn’t mean it like that, but he yelled at me and I managed to squeeze out a “oh. Sorry.” And I hung up and cried myself myself to sleep. Ever since then he’s been really moody and I can’t even explain how different he is right now. I feel like he’s just lust. He only ever text me when he’s in a mood or when he wants something from me. I’m pretty much carrying the entire emotional relationship against me and him and just about a couple hours ago, he told me that he was cutting himself. I told him I wasn’t gonna be sensitive anymore. I told him to tell me what was going on as he wasn’t talking to me about anything and would just brush it off. I told him that I feel useless as a girlfriend. Which I really do. And how if he can’t talk to me who would he talk to my acknowledging? I am the only person ever talk to unless he’s hiding someone from me or people. I’ve told him I need to know that he can trust me and if he can’t, then I don’t know if we should be together anymore and I just asked him if he was gonna leave me because he has been showing no interest in me unless it’s for lust. I also feel like my body doesn’t excite him anymore. He’s really dry and always asked me to do something different and in person, he’s only ever talked about having sex. Never holding hands, never hugging never nothing only lust. I have told him that I don’t like the way he talks to me sometimes. I don’t think he realized what I meant. I’ve tried everything to do to go see him and he refuses to come see me even though he has nothing holding him back. Just he doesn’t want to. AITA for telling him that I don’t think he’s caring enough about me when I care too much about him? Even if he is in a bad place right now I still wanna feel special. I wanna feel loved. I’ve had my ups and downs and even I still push things away to comfort him. I feel like I’m giving up too much for him.

Been imposing by everyone of being the strong one since day 1. Reality is not, but no space or chance to even show weakness. and surely a fvkn perfectionist.

so here I am, lying in bed again. 31 years old, male, and feeling like there's this weight on my chest that I can't shake off. my wife, bless her, keeps telling me to do something, anything really, instead of just staring at the ceiling. i just don't know if it's depression, or maybe i'm just stuck in this rut that's swallowing me whole. it feels like I'm trapped in this cycle of inertia, where motivation is a foreign concept and every day blends into the next without much differentiation. i wonder if it's normal to feel like this at my age? am I supposed to have it all figured out by now, or is everyone just pretending they've got their lives in order? the truth is, all I want to do is stay under these covers where it's safe and predictable. getting out of bed feels like scaling mount Everest minus the accomplishment. everything seems so incredibly daunting and exhausting even before the day begins.

i'm aware that i should probably listen to my wife; everyone says communication and action are key, but how do you act when you can't even muster the strength to care? it's like the more I think about doing something productive, the more drained I feel. the thought of tackling even the simplest task is paralyzing, and it's terrifying because it makes me question my capability as an adult; am i alone in this feeling, or is this a phase everyone goes through? should I worry about being present for responsibilities outside this room, or is it okay to take some time to figure things out? it's not that i don't want to improve, it's more that i can't envision what improvement looks like right now. why does it feel like i'm constantly fighting a battle against myself, and losing horribly? sometimes it's hard to distinguish whether this is just a temporary funk or if it's the prelude to something more concerning. does it get better with time, or does it require a drastic intervention to change? emojis don't usually cut it, but right now, i just feel like this 😞.

you ever feel like you're just a ghost in your own home? like, here I am, 31 years old, a dude who's been on this spinning rock for more than three decades, and yet, I gotta say, it feels like my family's cared about me as much as a piece of chewing gum stuck under a desk. how messed up is that? from day one, it's like I've been the appendix of the family system—there, but not really necessary. like, what the heck!!! nobody asked them to go all out with dramatic acts of caring, but a nod of acknowledgment would have been nice. it's like my existence is the background noise of their lives, something they don't give a crap about. ever get that feeling? the one where you're the forgotten file on your family’s hard drive? sure, they threw some money at me, a roof over my head, but does that exempt them from showing actual, you know, human feelings???

since I was a kid, it always felt like i was another chore on their to-do list. like seriously, half the time I was just the notification they forgot to check. today, it's still the same, except now I'm handling my own bandwidth while they go off with their multiple subnets of life. zero emotional downloads from them while I over here am like: "Hey, remember me? The one who lived under your roof for 18 years???" when did I turn invisible? is there an off switch on their emotional router that I'm just entirely unaware of? imagine a tech support call with your family, where you try to troubleshoot their absence in your life, only to realize that nobody ever picked up the phone. they might as well have left me on hold forever. the usual excuse I get is that they were "busy with their own lives." sure, as if remembering your kid's name requires huge server resources. maybe immortality is in their plans, and they're banking on finding time to care later. what a joke!

it ain't like I expect a constant ping of attention, or to be the main node in their life network. just a simple response or, i don't know, acknowledgment that I'm part of the family configuration would be sufficient. instead, all I get is static whenever I try to connect. it's frustrating as hell, you know??? nobody sticks around to check my emotional cache, so it keeps overflowing. you ever have that? when your supposed support system feels more like an outdated OS? it's not like I'm requesting a full system upgrade; just a patch to fix the bugs would be nice. and before you say it, I'm aware self-care is important and all that jazz, but is it so wrong to want a family's firewall to occasionally let some love packets through??? being stuck in an emotional DDOS attack from neglect gets exhausting. don't misunderstand, I've got friends who care, and thank heavens for that, but should my emotional safety net not come from the family who installed my core programming??? it's all so ridiculous sometimes, but what can you do? just keep running scripts to stay functional, I guess.