Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Recently I’ve found out I have something called aphantasia, this is where you don’t have a “mental image”. When I close my eyes I don’t actually physcially see anything, which I thought was the norm. I don’t know why, but this has been seriously getting to me. I feel like there’s something wrong with me, and it compounds to making me feel worse because why am I so upset I don’t see pictures when I close my eyes? Also on top of that, I was preparing to go on a dmt trip, something I was so excited for, only to learn people with aphantasia are far less likely to ever break through.

I’m 29, I’m a woman, and yeah I’m married but most days it feels like I’m living with a ghost who pays bills and leaves socks near the bed. My husband works all the freaking time. Like ALL the time. He leaves early, comes home late, eats like he’s in a race, then opens his laptop or stares at his stupid phone. I get it, jobs are hard, money matters, blah blah, I’m not dumb. I know he’s not out partying or cheating or whatever dramatic movie crap. He’s working. But still, I feel alone in my own relationship and it’s making me feel like crap. Is that needy? I don’t even know anymore.

Sunday is supposed to be “our day” but lol no. I basically see him on Sunday and even then he works a few hours from home. He says it’s “just catching up” but it eats half the day, then the other half he’s tired and scrolling emails. Last Sunday I made pancakes because I thought maybe we could have a cute morning, like normal couples do. He took two bites, said “thanks babe,” then answered a work call in the hallway for 35 minutes. I sat there with cold pancakes like some sad idiot. I wanted to throw the plate, not gonna lie. But also I know he’s stressed and I know he’s doing this for us, so I feel bad being mad. That’s the worst part, I’m angry but also guilty, like my feelings are being annoying on purpose.

I don’t want a perfect husband who brings flowers and writes poems, ew honestly. I just want him to look at me without checking if his phone buzzed. I want one damn dinner where he’s actually there. I’ve told him this before and he says he knows, he’ll try, work is crazy right now. But “right now” has been like forever. Am I supposed to just wait until life magically gets less busy? Because I’m scared one day I’ll stop caring and then it’ll be too late. I love him, I really do, and I don’t think he’s a bad guy. I just think he forgot I’m here. Has anyone else been married but felt single as hell?

My wife and I have been wed for over three decades. A few years back, we bought the farm from his folks and managed to pay off the mortgage in full. Beyond that, we constructed our dream home right on this land and have established a robust cattle-raising business. Despite our strides in independence, his family frequently seems to need assistance, particularly his two sisters and a few of his nephews. It's important to note that, when his own parents and his sister with Down Syndrome needed care and none of his siblings stepped up, we took the responsibility—even though our own children were still quite young. We felt compelled to act, fearing that otherwise, the state might intervene. From my perspective, family looks out for each other, so looking back never crossed our minds. This decision, however, didn't seem to sit well with his side of the family, as though by taking ownership of the family farm, we owed them more.

Recently, I came into a reasonable sum of money left by my own parents. My husband, kept in the dark about the exact amount, has expressed his displeasure. He’s not privy to the account details. His latest proposal involves digging into this inheritance to build a house on the farm—originally his family’s—for his sisters, liberating them from the burden of rent and the harsh living conditions of apartments. His plan extends to us covering their property taxes and insurance, insisting they can't manage those expenses, though they'd handle their utilities. He sees no need to impose any rent on them.

Why should I draw from the inheritance, which my parents painstakingly accumulated, simply to provide for my husband’s sisters, who don't seem motivated to improve their own circumstances? This money feels deeply personal, like a legacy meant for me, and possibly for our children.

I'm leaning towards investing the bulk of it into trust funds for our children. And part of me is entertaining the thought of using my inheritance to start afresh on my own terms, which might mean considering a divorce. Does this make me selfish for not wanting to funnel these resources into housing for my husband’s siblings on our farm?

Imagine if this familial dilemma were aired on a reality show. The reactions would likely be polarized, with some viewers sympathizing with the duty to family, while others rally behind the conviction to secure one's financial legacy and personal happiness. The presence of cameras could amplify family tensions, drawing widespread public opinion and perhaps skewing personal decisions under the weight of external judgments.

It was my birthday. I'm middle aged, have a husband and 3 children, the youngest is about to graduate high school. My eldest asked me earlier in the week if I wanted to go have a drinking date with him (we do this about every 4 mo or so) on Saturday. I thought it was a great way to kick off my birthday on Sunday! Then my youngest asks him if he's paying for my pedicure tomorrow (on Saturday) and he says no, we already discussed that. "I went on the hike for mother's day, she chose that over the pedicure." Then my youngest explains to him yeah, but tomorrow's her birthday, and to his merit he immediately recanted and said of course! Fast forward to Sunday. No special morning anything. Middle (married) son calls me with issues about his almost former landlord, and an update on the new place. 20 min into the conversation, I ask if he called me today for any other reason. Long story short, he sees the date and blurts out a happy birthday. I invite them to join us for dinner at a local steakhouse. They agree. Youngest rushes me out the door to collect her BFF as we race to get our pedicures, mine for aging, theirs for prom. Done, go drop off BFF, go pick up youngest's finished prom dress, then she leaves with BFF to the mall. I go lay down and take a short nap. Then wait on the couch, doom scrolling until it's time to leave for dinner. We all go together, eat, the steakhouse does their birthday rendition (yelling yee-haw). Come home, husband asks if I've showered today and I said no, I showered last night. He gives me almost the 3rd degree because our unofficial standing for nookie is Sunday nights at least each week. I go shower after a bit. He bakes a completely overly sweet cake I tried last week that he saw on TikTok, opens the microwave where he put it to cool, says happy birthday, you want some?

Now here's where I'm having issues. I'm not a materialistic person. At. All. I've often asked for things like a new vacuum or can opener for Xmas or birthdays and been rebuked because those aren't "FOR you", I should ask for things for me, not the house. This year I couldn't think of a thing I wanted. So that's exactly what I got. I got my nails painted because I do that with my youngest about twice a year and this time it lined up with my bday and my eldest got to gloss over forgetting by paying for it. My middle son showed up for dinner with his wife. Ta-da. My husband paid for dinner and baked a cake he meant to bake last week. That's it. No gifts. No candles. No family singing happy birthday. Oh! Almost. My sister sent me a strawberry plant starter kit from NC and my step mother gave me a generic card from church with $20 in it that she signed hers and my dad's names in and handed it to me when I went to their place to pick up something she'd made my youngest for prom on Saturday. Told me she knew it wasn't for a couple days, but happy early birthday. It was the day before my birthday. They couldn't even remember my birth date, though it's 2 days before my half-brother's (their son). I'm almost 50, he's 36.

So I'm sitting on here asking anonymously. Am I allowed to feel sad that I have a husband of 21+ years and 3 kids and for my birthday I got to eat with them and get my toenails painted? I got the gift of eating dinner, including dessert. I KNOW I'm not materialistic, but is receiving nothing to be expected when I don't ask for anything specifically?

Side note, I'm also 5mo post-hysterectomy and can't trust my emotions to be real or not anymore. This is a genuine question.

i ask myself this all the time, like literally every single day—why do i feel like i’m not good enough? no matter what i do, what i try, it never feels like it’s enough. like i’m enough. i look around at other people and it’s like they all got it figured out. they’re confident, they’re smart, they’re good looking, they know what they wanna do with their life and people like them. and then there’s me. stuck in this loop of overthinking everything, second guessing every word i say, every move i make. i try hard, like really hard. i stay up late studyin, i help people when they ask, i try to be kind, but still i feel like i’m just... less. like no matter how hard i try to be something, someone, i just keep falling short. nd yeah, ppl tell me to stop comparing, to just “be myself” but what if bein myself is the problem? what if no one actually likes the real me? sometimes it feels like people just tolerate me, like they wouldn’t even notice if i stopped showing up. i laugh with them, i hang out, but inside i feel so small, so invisible. like i’m on the outside lookin in all the time.

it messes with your head, u know? like u start wondering if ur even worth loving or caring about. i’ve had people leave without explainin, had friends slowly drift away like i wasn’t enough to keep around. nd i know it’s not all my fault, but when it happens over and over, u start thinkin maybe it is. maybe i talk too much, maybe i’m boring, maybe i’m annoying or just hard to be around. nd it makes me scared to open up, to trust people, cuz i keep thinkin they’ll see the real me and decide it’s not worth stayin. i wish i could feel proud of myself, like genuinely believe i’m doing okay. but even when something good happens, i just feel like i don’t deserve it. like it was luck, or a mistake, or someone else would’ve done it better. nd yeah, i smile in front of people, i act chill, but deep down it’s like there’s this constant voice tellin me i’m not enough. not pretty enough, not smart enough, not funny enough, not important. nd i wish i knew how to shut it off. i wish i could wake up one day and actually feel like i belong in this world, like i’m not just taking up space. but right now? i don’t. and it sucks. it really, really sucks.

Technically its not much of a school story but i couldnt find a similair tag.

My best friend(ill call her B) tends to say things on my behalf and it started off sort of small, she told our homeroom teacher that i had a mental problem which was why i was frequently not doing the homework, of course i was mad but i let it go but after that, people would come up to me and say "you have adhd, right?" Or just screaming "you have autism!" In the halls (both of which i dont have) i wasnt bothered much but it tends to get annoying if people just point and stare for something i dont have. Another thing she does oh so nicely on my behalf(note the sarcasm) is go up to my other bestfriend ( ill call her v, we are a trio) after they get into a fight which was practically happening every two dats or so, and hand her a note stating that she, B and i wont be friends with her anymore, i had no say in this and i keep ask her to stop since im never involved in their fights and would like to still be friends with v but she still included my name. After a big fight between them( i dont know what for) B stopped being friends with V even though v tried to make up and become friends again, ofc its her choice and id respect it but! She clearly doesnt respect mine since whenever i try to talk to V ( we are still close) she just comes up and goes " why are you talking to our classmate" in the most 'i want you to leave' tone and then grabs my hand and drags me away from her but she still manages to get jealous when v makes new friends and slowly distances from us. Im not sure if i should keep quiet or if i should just ask her to stop. Im just worried if i speak up that i would lose B, we are close and i feel safe around her, i dont want to destroy that.

In October, a situation unfolded that has since left my daughter giving me the cold shoulder and barely speaking to me. Here's what happened: My daughter, Emily, has a part-time job she attends after school for five days each week. This Halloween, her high school hosted a costume contest, and she and her buddies decided to participate as a group. After school, they went shopping for costumes together.

I fetched Emily and her friends from the store and saw the costumes they picked out. Emily spent $80 on her costume, which immediately set me off. I felt that it was an extravagant amount to spend on an outfit she'd only wear once, for a few hours at that. I voiced my opinion right there in the car, telling her it was a waste of money. After dropping her friends off, I took Emily back to the store and insisted she return the costume and any accessories she bought.

Consequently, her friends found someone else to fill her spot in their group. They ended up winning the contest and each got a portion of a $100 Visa gift card. On Halloween, Emily returned home from school visibly upset, feeling left out from the festivities and fun her friends had. I tried explaining to her that even after the prize split, she’d have lost more money by buying the costume than she’d have gained, but she couldn't see the logic.

A month on and Emily is still upset, barely interacting with me. Her father, my ex-husband, argues that I deprived her of a memorable experience with her friends, emphasizing that her job already causes her to miss out on plenty. He believes I should've allowed her this indulgence. My intention was only to teach her the value of money and the importance of making sensible financial choices. Could a cheaper costume not have sufficed, especially since it was to be worn briefly?

Imagine if this dilemma were aired on a reality TV show. Viewers might be split, with some applauding the lesson in financial prudence while others sympathize with a teenager wanting to bond with her peers over a special occasion. The discussion might bring various parenting styles to light, each defending what they believe is the right balance between guidance and freedom.

Was I wrong in my decision to make her return the Halloween costume?

Uhh, lil update about what I texted before, basically my ex girlfriend (let's call her uhh "M") M wasn't the best, she didn't support my choices and thought that she was the only one important in the relationship. She's 11, 2 years younger than me, and she had only 1 week long relationships until I arrived (ours was 1 month and 2 days). Now I understood why. She's a manipulative person and she threatened me to kill herself If I didn't become her boyfriend again. I left her because I was struggling to stay in a long distance relationship and fuck, my mental health had fucked itself, plus i was starting to understand how bad she really was... Now she told me that she s3lf h4rmed and she sent me the pics of it.. and she told me "next time I won't be telling you "tell K I love her" (k is a friend of M and mine) but it will be " hey I'm m's mom.. she c0mmited su1cide... May i know why?"" And well I feel like I did something wrong...

She also told me things that made me look the selfish one that broke the "promise". Yeah, I did promise her that I wasnt gonna leave her, but fuck. We are 11 and 13. What the hell did you expect from it? And now I think I'm the one who deserve to D1e and that should have K1lled h1m s3lf. I already tried it and damn, i should have finished what I was gonna do.. now I keep thinking im the monster who hurted her and almost make her d1e... And same for K becouse she's like a sister to M and she's struggling a lot too, and if M d1es, K d1es too, and what should i do if they do so?.. I hope they won't..

Recently, I accidentally upset a colleague at work. On Tuesday, they sent me an email on Wednesday saying I made them feel unsafe due to something that triggered them. I took note of the email and decided to give them some space, still being friendly but avoiding direct interaction to not make them uncomfortable. I also made sure to avoid the triggering topic whenever we interacted.

Unfortunately, my attempt to give them space backfired. On Thursday, I was called into a mediation meeting with some higher-ups and the concerned colleague. They asked why I hadn’t spoken to them directly about the email, thinking that my silence meant I was continuing the triggering behavior. I explained that I avoided direct contact to prevent appearing hostile, as they said they felt unsafe. They understood my reasoning, and we talked things out during mediation. However, on Friday, they took a mental health day because they still felt uneasy around me. I completely understand and feel awful for accidentally triggering them. I never want to make anyone feel unsafe, and I’ll continue to avoid the topic and be a friendly colleague in the future.

Here’s my dilemma: I was supposed to join a weekly group hangout with this colleague outside of work. Now, I’m uncomfortable doing so. Given they feel unsafe around me, I don’t want to risk triggering them again, which could lead to more work issues. My other coworkers think I’m being an asshole for not wanting to hang out outside of work and are pressuring me to continue as planned. I feel like my response is reasonable, but now I’m not sure. Am I wrong?

How would this situation play out if I was on a reality show? The drama and tension could be even more intense, with cameras capturing every interaction and the pressure to handle things perfectly. How would viewers react to my actions and decisions? Would they see me as considerate or avoiding conflict?

im tired of this life now, i can’t take it anymore

You say I always treat you bad and that I'm and ungrateful little b. But. Honestly when have you ever been nice to me? Bc I'm pretty sure that constantly snapping at me for every minor inconvience, blaming your every problem on me, threathing to hurt me or worse, unvalidating my feelings and efforts, talking crap about me, criticizing everything i do, looking for arguements every second and faking being worried about me Just to make me the bad guy and you the bleeding Heart victing---Just ain't It tbh. Don't expect me to act any better than what you've shown me. You don't deserve It.

I love my best friend so much she seriously means the world to me but I just need to vent about something. Since ive met her she’s always been a very negative person. She constantly makes choices she knows she’s going to regret with money and school and men then when those choices bite her in the ass she plays the victim. Nothing is her fault and there’s always something wrong. I’ve never answered the phone and had her tell me something is going good. She used to be part of the family everyone loved her but she drove everyone crazy with her constant negativity and whining that I don’t even want to bring her around my family (That and one of her bad decisions with men was with my cousin). My 21st is coming up and I’m so scared she’s going to ruin it or turn it into a pity party, and if she does I’m scared my family is going to say something to upset her. I’ve been working on myself a lot and I’ve been so much happier lately with what I’ve been doing but talking to her brings me down a lot when all she does is complain. With anyone else on earth o would just simply talk to them but I can’t with her she’s very sensitive and everything is a touchy subject with her. I can be myself around my friends and family and I can with her but there’s many moments where I have to walk around on eggshells. I know I’m complaining about her but I really do love her she’s my best friend and we’ve been through a lot together I just needed to get this out.

Can a therapist count as a life coach ? Maybe, I don't know. I figured it's a close thing, so I tagged it like this. Do tell me if I'm wrong though ^^'.

Anyway, I've been seeing a therapist for a few months now, and I don't know how to feel about them. I've been telling them my issues with my mom and stepdad and how they've treated me since childhood. Here's a list of some things that I mentioned in therapy without the heavier stuff :

- Criticism over my looks, behavior and scholarly achievements

- Yelling at me over the most minute thing ( ex : me wearing sweatpants in summer as a teenager )

- Wanting to act as if everything's fine after an argument

- The cycle of basically everything's fine for a period of time, but then they find something to be angry about whatever I'm doing

- My parents not listening to me and minimizing when I'm trying to bring up my concerns

- Things that involve my mom not really holding men that touched me innapropriately in the family accountable ( which includes my stepdad )

There are some things that I haven't told my therapist, and in all honesty, I think I already gave an idea of where my grievances lie. I'm not going to say what exactly happened, because I feel I can talk all day about those, and I don't want the post to be too heavy. Here's the thing though, I've told my parents in an admittedly harsh way that the moment I have enough money, I'm moving out, and I'm going to cut contact with them. I've also told that to my therapist, as well as me being angry and tired of the cycle that's been going on since I was a kid. There was a part of me that was a little vindictive towards my parents (still am a bit, but less as time goes on), but I ultimately want them to leave me alone. Where I don't know how to feel about that therapist is, I told them about all of this, and they consider me keeping my distance with my parents to be me acting like a teenager having a rebellious phase, and that me not talking much to my parents was actually hurting me (despite me having already brought up one of these points up above). That's because I always cry whenever I talk about how my parents' actions towards me affected me. I don't think me distancing myself from them is what's actually hurting me though, it's the memory of all the hurt I felt that's making me cry and their mere presence. Maybe I'm just in my feelings and I'm overthinking and even being a bit dramatic, but ever since I had my first appointment with that therapist, they reminded me of my parents in the sense of minimizing something that felt pretty chaotic to me for multiple years. They even asked me "apart from [insert grievances], what did they do ?", and it felt like they weren't taking the "less impactful" stuff seriously, all because they weren't as significant as me getting touched innaproprietely or something violent.

I am aware I have my shortcomings, so do tell me where they lay. I might bring my concern to my therapist next week (though I'm scared of what they might say). I hope you have a good day/night, and I'll see you soon <3

I wasn't exactly sure what category to put this story in. I'm not exactly dating these people, and the reasons for that are super complicated.

My ex, Gunner, made me feel horrible. He said he couldn't date me because of my multiple personalities, which I get, I have mood swings, but I'm pretty sure what he was experiencing was just emotions. And also because I was adopted, I was "taken out of my natural habitat and who knows what I'd do." Which was said by Gunner's mother. Me and Gunner had only been dating for a week. I had to watch him date another pretty girl, who he stayed with longer than me. Me and Gunner only lasted a week, but we'd been talking for a month. After they'd broken up, she had a similar experience, saying he was extremely racist to her, and didn't want to be with her because her anxiety was something he couldn't "handle".

I sometimes wonder if maybe it is me who is doing something wrong. I know Gunner and me just weren't meant for each other, and I know something is wrong with him because I talked to Valeria (His ex). Gunner went around saying I was a bad kisser, which I know for a fact isn't true. He just needed something to around talking about, even though he'd broken up with me because of my background...? He's not fooling anyone.

A few months ago, I was talking to this boy named Jeremiah. We were good friends before we started talking, and my sister is the one who decided I should try to get with him. We'd only been talking a week before he ghosted me, and stopped talking to me. I heard from my sister, who promised that Jerry wasn't going to be like my ex, he said he "just wasn't feeling it."

We were talking today in pottery, when he told me that he thought I hated him. The way I heal is: I totally ignore the person while I cry and be sad over them. That's just how I am. Yeah, I see that as a red flag, but I can't help caring for someone I think cares for me too.

He told me today that I wanted to have a friends with benefits situation, and his friend Ethan started yapping about it, and telling Jerry how good of an idea it was. I just sat there. I know he's just going to use me with this whole benefits thing. And the reason I say "use me" is because that's what he's doing.

I had just gotten out of talking to someone, which only lasted a week. Wow, are you guys surprised? What's the pattern here? Hmm...

This guy's name is Tanner. Tanner and I have known each other since the seventh grade. He told me he's liked me since last year, but then just on Saturday, told me he's lost feelings for me. Okay, but how do you lose feelings that fast? It was clearly lust, not love. And he's been waiting to do stuff with me for a year, it's obvious. At first, I was so happy he liked me! Then, I heard the stories of him getting with girls, and as soon as he got what he wanted, ghosting them. Did I listen? No. I gave him what he wanted... I'm sure you can image what I mean. And, he ended up leaving anyways. Then, to make matters worse, I saw him, the next day, with his hand between Cory's thigh. Holding her hand in the halls, looking at her like he looked at me. Like he really likes her. Like he really liked me.

So, when I say that Jerry is using me, it's because of what happened with Tanner. Literally a month ago, this boy whom I really liked, we "did it" but I'd only done it because I really like him, and I thought, if I did it, he would like me too. But, he didn't. It was really sad, because like everyone else, he ended up ghosting me too. Guess how long we'd been talking! A WEEK!!!

So, remember when I said it must be me who's doing something wrong? That's because of things like this! It must be my fault! I was talking to Jerry today, and he said Tanner broke things off because I'm too nice.

Guys, my love language is physical touch, and gifts. Tanner told me he didn't like me anymore, according to Jerry, because I'm too nice. I'm too nice? What? That's ridiculous. I know I can trust this source because him and Tanner are best friends.

Oh, and also, when Jerry was talking about that dumb friends with benefits thing, he said that if it did happen, he couldn't tell anyone, and that it is supposed to be secret. So, wait, he wants to do it with me, but I'm not allowed to talk about it?

It just shows he's literally ashamed to be with me.

All of this has been hurting my mental health. It's coming to a point where I feel kind of insane? And it's not like I'm doing it on purpose, I just really don't know if I can handle my heart being messed around with. It's only been a couple weeks that this has happened to me. I hate going around from guy to guy, but I'm also tired of being played.

That's not even the worst part about this.

I can't even tell anyone about this, which is why I'm glad there are sites like these...

So, we all know - lots of teens have Snap chat. I've been talking to this guy on snap, who actually just recently told me his age today. I guess it's kinda creepy because all along I've thought he was my age. He told me he was going to buy me a bunch of stuff, and that he loved me, and that we were going to get married.

Okay, so what's the problem, just block him! RIght?

Right.

I wish I could say that it was actually that simple. It weird. I know he's mentally ill, because he's 39 and I'm 15. But I just can't ignore him. It's not hurting me to say goodmorning to him, right? And besides, he listens to me. It's not like he's asked for my address, or for me to send to him, so he's not harmful. And although its really weird, and you guys probably think it's gross, its not like he's grooming me, right? And, sadly, I really like the attention. It would never work, because he's like 23 years older than me, but it's kinda nice he's the only person who hasn't made fun of me for being, well, me.

And I know he says I'm his fiance, and he'd do anything for me, and he wants to come see me in June... but I can't let him go. I do that, and I'm just as bad as all the guys at my school who are trying to ghost me. Why can't we just find people who like me for me? Who want to be with me? I want someone who wants to be with me, all the time. Who can't stand to be with out me. Who likes to hang out with me, who will let me braid their hair, laugh with them, has jokes, good style, can help me with my homework. Someone who won't leave just because, I have a good butt (Which was said by my friend Daryl who just wants to do me too) or because they just weren't feeling me, or because I'm adopted or well...

Because I'm too nice.

You see, cuz my parents are getting tired of me. They don't really care what I do anymore. But it's sad, because at these moments all I need is my mama. We found out that she might have cancer. I don't know if I'm glad, or if I'm scared. Why would I be glad? Because I was almost taken from her because of abuse. So why do I want her? Where was my bio mama when I needed her? Lynda was there for me, not Dominique. I've started taking pills again, sleeping more, smoking, eating less. I actually hate sulking around all the time and hating life. But, when you've been spit out and thrown away like a wad of ABC gum, I can't held but feel how other people treat me. And I wonder, does Cory even see how she looks? Getting with someone who does things with girls and then dips?

Or maybe she's blinded by love, like me.

Well, I'm rambling now. But you all get the point.

So what do I mean it's going to be the last?

The last time I ever said I love you ever again.

Because no one ever deserves my love.

And no one ever will.

My life is really hard I haven't been eating well,I lost lot of money in stock and bitcoin future not interested debt but financial stress.

I haven't been studying well as I'm a student.

My love life is fucked up. My boyfriend is not saying clearly if he love me because he sayels yes but he is in grindr telling around to people that he lost connection with me, I got to know when I asked him through a fake account.

I'm on the brink of suicide to be honest

Idk what to do.