Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I’m 16, a boy, and I’m writing this because I don’t know where else to put it. My parents are ALWAYS yelling at me, like all the time, and it feels nonstop even when I’m doing nothing wrong. I try to stay polite and calm, I really do, but it still gets loud fast and my head just shuts down. I stand there listening, nodding, waiting for it to end, and I dont even remember half of what they say after. It makes me feel completly worn out, like I’m already tired before the day even starts. I’m not trying to be dramatic or blame them, I’m just explaining what happens. The yelling isn’t one big moment, it’s small stuff adding up, over and over, until it feels heavy. I go to my room after and sit there staring at the wall, feeling depressed and quiet, wondering how something so normal can hurt this much. I keep telling myself to breathe, to be respectful, to not react, becuase reacting only makes it worse and longer. I know they probably think this is helping me, and I try to look at it objectively, but it still sinks into me slowly;

I don’t think my life is terrible, and that’s part of what makes this confusing. From the outside everything looks fine, and maybe it is, but inside I feel tense all the time. The yelling follows me even when the house is quiet, and it makes me doubt myself alot. I do my school work, I clean, I listen, and I stay out of trouble, yet the volume never really changes. I’ve learned to measure my days by how loud they get instead of how good they feel, and that feels sad to admit. Still, I’m trying to stay hopeful in a low key way. I take short walks, think about the future, and remind myself that this won’t last forever. I believe that having my own space one day will matter, and that I can choose to be calmer than what I grew up with. There are moments when my parents talk normally, and those moments show me that change exists, even if it’s rare. I try to stay polite, stay neutral, and not let thier voices become my inner voice. If you’ve dealt with parents yelling like this, how did you get through it without losing yourself? I’m honestly asking, not for attention, but for perspective. Even feeling depressed, I still think patience and consistency can lead to something better, and I want to believe that staying respectful now will help me later, when things are quieter and I can finally breathe.

I am surrounded. I see the faces and hear the screams of days long over. I wake up screaming. I hold conversations with others, who carry on such interactions, whilst phantoms of past evils dance before my eyes.

How can I ever tell anyone??? I have tried. I am trying still. I am so afraid. So much violence and death. So much pain, so much pure, unfiltered filth and depravity takes up my childhood. I wear the scars on my face and on my body like little music notes, each one playing the rhythm of my anguish. I try to control the anger. I try to control the fear. And, despite everything, I've made small victories. But they are fleeting. I can't do it alone... but idk if I can do it at all.

I try to tell myself; forgive yourself. You were a boy. You did not choose then, but you must choose now- will you drown, or will you swim? But I don't know the difference. Every time I find footing, I slide down. I've wounded some who've tried only to bring me comfort. I've wounded myself. Inside there is another me, one who failed the tests of abuse, one who is pure Wrath and Vengeance and only the darkest parts of me. He hates everything. He hates me. I, for my part, am so afraid. I shake. I cannot breathe. When I finally try to get help, the Other comes- doubting, damning. Cursing. He tells me- I tell me- that I am weak. That I must be a Man, that I must take Vengeance upon my own blood for the unforgivable evil they have perpetrated. But I can't. All the hurt spills over me... and no matter how truly angry, even if justified, I become.. I can't do it. Where part of me wants to burn everything, where part of me wishes to inflict my pain on those who caused it, I find I do not have the stomach to become that guy. Perhaps that's all that separates me from them.. likely more than that. I know I have a heart it's just broken. I am broken. 26 years old.. I've lived 60, in every other way. What do I do? Will I never beat this??? God help me, God answer me.

I just want to clarify that I love my friends. I've actually talked to them about this. This is just one thing that has been bothering me about them, and I know they just want me around. But I think I've had my patience run thin this week ever since a new game came out. My friends all complain when someone else does this to them, but THEY'VE BEEN DOING IT THEMSELVES. It's been grating me, like my brain is perpetually hearing nails on chalkboard and I just want to let it out.

I know hanging out in silence or parallel playing is a thing in group calls, I do it too. But don't fucking call me or ask me to join a group voice call, only for you to do something else entirely to the point of ignoring me. One example is my friend always asking me to join a call, then just out of the blue decides "OH I need to go on a bit of a walk, brb!" one fucking minute after calling me. They don't even hang up and call later, they just fucking leave me in the call for 30 minutes to an hour to wait for them (I know because one time I stayed to see how long they're gone for, I hang up on them now when they do this).

Another example is one friend asking me to hang out with them, but when I come in, they're all playing a game together. They'd ask me about my day, but when I do tell them but then they're too fucking busy playing that they don't even respond to me. It's one thing if I came in, fully knowing you guys are playing and I just want to see you play a game. It's another to outright ask me to make time for you guys, and just flat out not even acknowledge me. What was the point of calling me here in the first place?

It takes a lot out of me, too, since I get easily tired with social interactions (I love socializing, my energy level is just very low). It's even more exhausting when they specifically ask for my attention, and they just outright fucking ignore me even though THEY asked me to join them.

I don't know, I know it's not that serious. But sometimes, it just feels like they're not respecting my time at all when they do this, and it gets so exhausting.

I like this guy, c, he is cute, funny, sweet. Literally checks all the boxes.

I've known C from school for 2 years but the first time saw him I was sitting I

In the school cafeteria and saw him walking by through one of the windows. My first thought was "oh, he's kinda cute". I didn't have any classes with him that year and didn't see him until the first day of school the next year.

The first day of school came, and because I am sooo lucky, I had art first period with both of my younger sisters. We arrived to class and he assigned us seats. I was sitting at a table with a girl and guy who are a grade lower than me, same grade as my sisters, and C. (C is in the same grade as me). Over the next 3 months I had the best time at this table, he made me laugh so hard.

Suddenly, my art teacher gave us new seats, and I wasn't sitting with C anymore. I was already sitting alone at lunch so being isolated from people who made me happy sucked even more. Eventually this really kind girl, G, invited me to sit with her and her friends during lunch. Me and G are now best friends. Well one of these girls, K, like C too. I was to afraid to tell anyone of my crush, plus I also wasn't sure it was a crush yet. Unfortunately, k and c ended up dating for a while and I decided I would never tell anybody my crush. Well the school year came to an end and they broke up. I left him alone and didn't see him again until next school year.

This school year c was in my science class. The second I saw him all my feelings immediately came back. He would occasionally talk to me and I would catch him looking at me across hallways and the cafeteria. I was elated. Little did I know my school was going to bump up to advanced science. I, of course, took the opportunity as it gave me a high school credit, unlike the other course. So, things went along as normal, c would still look over at me and I would look over at him, but neither of us ever made a move.

Then I have a sleepover with G and she convinces me to get his number and text him. She ended up finding his number and texting him on my phone, I was scared shittless, like I was a HOT MESS. He ended up not remembering me from art, or knowing my name, or even the fact that we had science together a month ago. That hurt, like a lot. I gave up, he wouldn't start the conversation, his texts were dry, and he never talked to me in school. Of course I would still get butterflies whenever we were close to each other, but I tried to convince myself I didn't like him. I told my friends my crush was over, I didn't text him again, and I pushed all thoughts of him out of my brain.

THEN I FIND OUT HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND

(This is like 2/3 months later)

I here one of my friends casually mention that C and V make a really cute couple to my other friend. My heart dropped. V was the one girl at school that I would constantly compare myself to.

She's prettier than me, has more friends than me, is cooler, taller, funnier, hotter, of course c wanted her, hell I wanted to BE HER.

I pushed down my feelings but now G is dating one of Cs friends so whenever me and G hang out with Gs bf he's always there, and it's SO AWKWARD CUZ I STILL LIKE HIM AND I THOUGHT HE LIKE ME

but apparently I'm just some delusional teenage girl who actually needs to chill out, cuz he has a gf, who's not me.

I don't know what to do, I've tried liking other guys, but I almost have to force myself to like them. I've tried ignoring him. I've tried talking to my therapist about him, not the fact that I still like him but she was there for when I started texting him and stuff.

If you guys have any suggestions for getting over somebody, that would be great.

Love y'all!💕

Okay, I feel so bad but I have two friends at school. I’m the weird shy person so not many people talk to me. My two friends at school are very loud and unintentionally rude and don’t understand most things. They are sisters as well.

When I first met them I was glad people were talking to me but no one else at the school really likes them so now the other people at school avoid me. My friends changed after a while though. Now they basically use me as their therapist because other people don’t listen to them. They tell me all of their problems constantly but their problems are just about how they are sooo tired because they stayed up late eating candy or drawing. Or how they hate having older siblings because they smell bad or something. I have some big family issues right now and I feel like I’m going to suffocate whenever they start complaining. They also force me to hang out with them during p.e. When I would rather do something.

They also talk very loud and at the same time. I get really overwhelmed and I hate when they joke about depression and self harm when I feel depressed and do self harm ( I haven’t told them that though because they never let me talk and I DO NOT open up to people)

I really don’t know what to do. I honestly don’t feel like we are friends and they are just desperate for friendship because all of their other friends left them.

So, yeah. I am too stressed out to do anything about it but I wanted to get this out of my chest.

so here's the deal... i'm just sick of all this body policing in certain cultures! like, have you ever heard of those russian families who are super into nudism? i mean, come on, why is it such a big deal if someone wants to be naked at home?? it's their space. their family. as long as they're consenting adults and there's obviously no funny business going on, what's the harm, right? but nooo, for some folks it's like every part of the human body has to be sexualized or controlled. drives me nuts!!! 🙄

and don't get me started on how everyone suddenly becomes an expert on other people's lives!! even people who aren't involved have so much to say about what should and shouldn't be done. everyone's got an opinion but nobody wants to actually understand the cultural significance or personal freedoms involved here. wanna know what really grinds my gears? when people start calling it 'child endangerment' without even knowing what they're talking about! bodies aren't inherently dangerous!!! sometimes family's just gotta bond in their own damn way!! ugh!

now, i'm not saying go out and join a nudist group or whatever if that's not your thing - totally get that it's not everyone's cup of tea. myself included sometimes lol 😅 - but maybe leave room for others to live life by their own terms? maybe try understanding before judging! we talk so much about openness and acceptance these days... except when it comes to stuff that makes us 'uncomfy'. well newsflash: growth happens outside comfort zones!!!

So I face this situation where there's a pretty big discrepancy in salary between me and my friends (when I say big, I mean BIIIIG... like if my friends were european 🤣). They know about it, of course, and the thing is, they often expect me to pay for stuff whenever we're out. It's not just once or twice but almost every time we go out for dinner or drinks, I'm kinda expected to cover the bill, including tips 💸 I mean, it's not like I don't want to share my good fortune with them but after a while it feels like I'm being taken advantage of.

I've read some articles about setting boundaries in relationships which suggest open communication as key (like Forbes mentions that in their piece on professional relationships) but it's easier said than done 😅 How do I bring this up without sounding rude or pretentious? Excuse me if that's not the best word to express what i mean; What I intend to say is that I'm trying to maintain harmony in our friendships without burning bridges.

Moreover, I'm aware financial disparity can create tension within social circles. It seems inevitable yet addressing it requires diplomacy and tact 🤔 Am I overthinking it? Perhaps it's just my imagination running wild with no clear resolution at hand... My concern is that if unchecked, this pattern could potentially erode our friendship over time.

I sometimes hear people suggest splitting bills evenly as an approach but isn't it awkward asking friends who earn less than you do for their share? Having read podcasts on financial harmony among friends gives various perspectives but they all boil down to one simple question: how do we navigate conversations around money respectfully while still maintaining equity?

At times I've considered bringing it up casually next time there's a group hangout scheduled. Maybe something like 'hey guys let's try Dutch-treat tonight' or whatever might sound friendly enough not imposing at all; Guess I'm looking for advice from others who have been through similar predicaments.

We were playing black ops 2 zombies, kinda blazed, and being goofy. He suddenly does this spot on impression of Watto- Anakins slave owner in the Phantom Menace- and I just broke.

I'm asking him about how to spend points on this map we're playing, yk, come up with a plan. He hits me with the Watto "Annieee"

I burst out laughing and realized how bizarre the one scene in Attack of the Clones is. Anakin is searching for his mother, and he goes to watto for help. Tldr, he knows Anakin is basically a space wizard peace officer, and the first thing he says after homeboy is like 'yo, where's my ma?'

Watto: Ah that's great kid hey you wanna help me with some mafia deadbeats who owe me money? Annie please they owe me money' like WTF 💀💀💀 goofy ahh writing

Anyways

Year 12 is so god damn mentally draining. While I don't have really strict parents they are still brown. I know they say that they just want me to do my best and get what I can achieve I FEEL LIKE IM DROWNING.

bio, i like bio. its something i perform decently well in. my parents never pushed me towarsd the typical be an engenieer or doctor, i still find interest in science and maybe research stuff.

maths however is a different story. maths makes me want to kms. I was an academically gifted student at maths up till grade 9 or 10 but then everything fell. The only thing my parents care "most" about is maths.

after my recent maths test that's quite important i was stressing and they said don't worry about it, you'll do good and even if you don't as long as you tried hard.

that made me feel a bit better. however, a few days later i got my marks back and i did pretty shit. 17/40. for someone who needs to perform quite well. I dont know what happened but evey single day afterschool they WOULD NOT STOP ASKING ME WHEN I WAS GETTING MY MARKS BACK. my dad then says as long as you get 25 plus its fine.

wtf? The problem is that this test I actually fucking tried. i studied for 2 weeks, did the book chapters, past papers? and did worse than last time. my mental health is decreasing. I think im slowly starting to fucking spiral. i cant concentrate anymore, cant focus. i just cant do anything.

I dont what to tell my parents. say i got a 20/40 but i dont know

my reports come out in a few days so they will porbaly see where i sit compared to others i am fucking scared. they wont be mad just 'dissapointed' i want to fucking disappear and never shwo up ever ever again.

i hate school i hate maths. whoever created this system i hope you suffered because i hope it was worth sacrificing millions of kids' lives for somehtign so irrelevant. calculus? trig?

I’m feeling really suicidal and I’m just finding more and more stuff out and it’s just making it so much worse. I’ve been crying all week and no one to talk to. I’m scared to go to school, I’m scared of confrontation, im scared of looking people in the eyes in the hallway, I’m trying so hard. Way too hard. I’m slowly starting to go non-verbal and I haven’t said a word to anyone since Thursday. I’m pushing everyone out because I’m afraid to annoy them or be too much, my personality has completely changed and now even Lenny’s talking about me, I feel like no one really likes me and I’m freaking out every time I’m in a class with people I know for sure don’t like me and I start going non verbal and I have been skipping class because I know no one in there likes me in the slightest bit and I’ve been skipping classes because of people in there, when I lost my earbud on Thursday I started hyperventilating and I had a panic attack because I couldn’t listen to music. I’m turning my personality completely around and I can’t stand it. I live for talking, if I could I would talk to a deaf person in sign language just to talk some more. I only ever remember me being a sweet, kind, caring, talkitive girl. I thought I was pretty, I thought I would be liked. I completely changed everything just to be liked and it all was lost. All of my achievements are gone and I have to restart. I can’t think of any other way to dress, to wear makeup, how to talk, what words to use, what slag to use I have no idea how.i want to go back to my 5th grade self when literally everyone liked me and knew who I was and loved me. I don’t even have my own small group of friends anymore.

I feel I can't just leave my father like this. He's my doctor, and he doesn't deserve what he's going through, what I'm doing to him, leaving him, being at the mercy of such a huge mess because of me, and having to tolerate it. It's incredible how others want to take my parents' place at all costs. In fact, they don't know how to maintain it either, resorting to confusion worthy of the most serious and justified accusations.

In fact, I feel I can't allow my father to cease being my doctor because neither he nor anyone else has seen what caused my somatization. In fact, no one has been able to pinpoint the cause except for the therapist, who has been the most qualified professional. He, along with the other doctors, have applied desperate measures to resolve the situation, completely ignoring the psychological aspect. This has resulted in a sad, unsettled fishing ground, where everyone has tried to gain ground. In fact, I fear the doctors fueled this, and so did my father, an attitude that is immature from every point of view on both sides.

I don't feel either of them acted well. In fact, I'm open about going with one of them; I would definitely go with my father. If I go with another, the issue would be more complex, in principle, because there isn't the same structured trust that has existed for many years. On top of that, another person won't be willing to listen and sacrifice as my father does. In fact, the ground where everyone has their own life is at the mercy of being exposed. Indeed, the other professionals' fight for me is touching, but if I stay with them, it's detrimental to me in the long run.

The attempt to seize power by any means is impressive, even in the field of medicine. These professionals, including my father, should be ashamed. My body can't be a seizure of power, nor should any patient's. Truly, it's disappointing. Frankly, I don't want to speak to any of these professionals again. They don't measure the impact of their actions. In fact, they should have been even more cautious than my father if they wanted to win me over. I find them all worthy of distrust.

With my father, at least there are some comforts already established, even though the bond is the same as I would have with these professionals. That's why I see myself with this one. But, if I'm honest, I wish I wasn't with either of them because neither of them is committed to being in complete harmony with me. It makes me wonder: When will a mature person come into my life? In this case, I can't take care of myself as a doctor; in fact, I don't even like that question. That's why I say there must be someone who can at least adequately assist me in this. I don't know if I'm asking for some kind of guardian angel or something like that.

Why the hell should I depend on a third party? Why me? Why can't I depend on myself? Frankly, I don't understand. I wish things were different. I wish it all depended on emotions, but that would be like living in a daze and closing the door to that person if they came along. Why can't I trust any professional to help me?

In fact, I have to confess, I feel like the psychiatrist isn't helping me. She's not doing anything. I feel like therapy is just serving as a show for the professional. I hate that I'm serving that purpose. I would like a serious professional to treat me. When will that professional arrive, for God's sake? With which professional will I ever feel truly safe?

With which professional will I ever feel truly welcomed? With which professional will I feel they are leading me in the right direction? I feel in some way that I'm searching for my father in some professional, for someone outside who resembles him, given that I no longer seek him. However, that doesn't mean I've stopped searching for his personality in another person, just as it happens with my mother, and I hadn't realized it.

I have to say it: Where will I find the model of father I want? Where will I find the model of mother I'm looking for? Does it exist? Could it be that I'm there somewhere? I have to say it: Where will I find a substitute family model for mine? Whatever it is I want? Where will I be able to live in that family I so wanted? It was always my dream to live those years that I couldn't live and that I feel I deserve to live, that I feel that life owes me no matter what, because I feel that under no circumstances was it fair to have had a family so uprooted to the point of questioning whether there really was a family and not some kind of apartment with people who were living there by pure coincidence and by the grace of fate, which is how I felt at home, with no chance for anyone to leave.

Where is that house I love so much? Where is that home I long for so much? Where will there be that place where I feel I can live my childhood again? With whom will this be possible? With whom? Who will be able to make me fulfill that dream? Will the answer exist? Will it be worth it? Is it something I could regret? Damn.

I'm tired of searching outside for that childhood I couldn't experience with others around me. Although I confess, I feel I've achieved it, and that's precisely what my submission to my father was, the debt he considered he owed me, and I can understand why he pays it today, precisely for bringing me life and for having me live all these things when the conditions weren't favorable under any circumstances because, in the beginning, there wasn't anyone stable enough to help him with his, and that was exactly what he needed. I understand the financial support, the unchecked freedom, and the heightened restraint of my feelings; These were precisely the three missing elements he always wanted to give me, but for fear of the consequences of his environment, he never succeeded. These were devastating consequences that attacked him as the family's financial supporter. These extremes weren't something he should take into account.

I have to say it. After this text, I feel like I now understand my life as it is.

My partner and I have been on and off for 4 years now. I have a lot of self-esteem issues and issues with mental health like, anxiety and depression. I tried to be honest and tell them that I'm not ready for a relationship as I'm not in the heads pace to ne good to myself or them, but they don't accept the breakup and we end up getting back together. It seems no matter what I say or do we end up back together for a bit until again I feel insecure and ready to end things. We live in the same small town and they are really close to my family. We share bills, but don't live together. I don't have a high paying job and can't afford a

My boss is one of those people who thrive on marginalizing others, turning his back on them. When something happens, he ignores it, using silence as his main weapon, along with small gestures. But since I'm used to it with my father, I don't care. In fact, I suspect he tried to talk to my father and it backfired. Look, I see the guy and he doesn't know what he's talking about at all. He doesn't know what he's saying, how he's expressing it. The man has clearly been losing his mind for some time now. He's always blaming others for all his problems. I mean, the man doesn't recognize his actions, he doesn't know what he's doing. In fact, I have the impression that everyone in the office is trying to drive him crazy, justifiably, so we can avoid protecting him from falling into the trap where he'll be in for a rude awakening, precisely so we can finally have him at our mercy, under our control, and thus take complete control of the department, which has been out of our hands for quite some time. We don't know how much time we have left after the tragedies in my country, but at least something can be done. We can try to justify his current situation, taking advantage of his elusive nature and the trust of the authorities, who are women, given the pervasive sexism. We need to keep him under control; he makes everything he does work. We need to make all his strategies for clinging on a living hell. Bringing him down to earth only makes him escape again. While we can't get rid of him completely, since he threatens with gossip and other tactics, then let's play the game of subduing him until he changes or leaves. That way, we can have peace of mind and he can make the decision himself. But he has to understand that the company isn't his, and we don't have to submit to him, give him any special treatment, or anything like that. We've been subjected to this for too long, and we've had enough. In fact, one of the heads of the other department arrived late precisely so as not to be involved, not to support him in any way in that hell he'd gotten himself into, that the authorities had put him in, making him look desperate for recognition, like a chauvinist, someone who seeks power at any cost, justifying everything he does, running away from everything—that man who simply doesn't know where he stands and never has, and who uses work as an excuse, being himself completely useless; doing things is utterly pointless.

He wanted me to become part of a family with him so he could have control, but I didn't allow it. It's exhausting to keep zooming in on this issue. I'm tired and I'd like to dedicate myself to something else, to another area of ​​knowledge. However, I don't know what else to do, I don't know where to turn. I feel like my father would get angry if he saw me straying from the path I'm on. He'd be fed up, annoyed if he saw me going my own way, stepping outside my comfort zone, expanding my horizons into other areas of knowledge. For my father, being okay means staying within the established parameters, which in effect shows that he's abusive towards me. He keeps me trapped and at his mercy, but I'm tired of it. I feel I have the right to do as I please, not because of my age, but because I want a different path, I want to explore diverse interests, delve deeper into things. I'm tired of being confined by his rules, just as I'm tired of being confined by my friend's rules, of only focusing on work. We could be friends in that sphere, but I feel—and I have to admit it—that it's a form of coercion. He guides me solely through work, arbitrarily, out of fear of losing her. It makes me feel violated by her, all in the name of her safety, and I don't like that. There are no agreements or anything like that, of course. Making them would reveal her aggressive nature, which she applies to others, her tendency to lie and overwhelm them. It's unbelievable, but it was the only way she had of keeping me around. At the cost of violence, at the cost of that unspoken threat, which my boss imposed on me because I strayed from where he wanted me to be, because I was damaging his image, it's outrageous that he can somehow keep you where he wants you, without your permission. I feel like I'm being treated like an animal, and I'm tired of defending my friend because of it. In fact, I live, in a way, in perpetual conflict with her, and I make it clear to her, and at least she reacts, but not significantly. It's like pretending she can keep all the power she has, as long as she can't control it, and it makes me feel completely absorbed from my life. And I really don't think she understands this because of her thirst for power. I feel just as dominated as when I was with my boss.

I feel just as dominated as when he was around. I don't feel free to talk about what I want, to reach an agreement, or anything like that. Instead, I feel like I have to let this girl lead the way. I feel seemingly free, but I'm not. I feel trapped by this absence, limited to doing what I want because I don't know her terms. I always have to deduce them. Before, I felt a certain freedom with my boss, within the confines of the office, where I didn't allow him to go any further. But with this friend, it's a different game. I feel like I don't know where we're going, what my future holds, what will happen if I do one thing or another. I feel completely immobilized, all because of this whole thing with pursuing her, and of course, she's provoking me too. I don't know why I gave in to her, I don't know why I went to her. She turned out to be my escape from my boss, definitely, but now I'm in a worse place, where I feel like I can't think straight, can't do anything. I have to live at the mercy of focusing on someone else to forget about the whole thing, and it's just not fair. I feel like that's how she's kept me under control, while she goes around shouting that she's so important. I feel hurt, subjugated, and it makes me wonder, when will this nightmare of control end?

I didn't go out into the world to be dominated, not at all. But I feel like I'm exaggerating, like what I'm saying can't be true. How could I have fallen into the same trap as before? Everything was supposed to be different, but it wasn't. I feel like I'm saying something that can't be true, that I'm confused, I feel like I'm in a place, not better, but already outside of all imposition, but a feasible place, I feel like I'm in that, it just so happens that right now I have to do something else and it's hard for me to write. I feel fed up with the whole office thing. I want to leave it behind once and for all. What's done is done, and I feel like I need to move on. But somehow, I'm reacting to this inertia, this need to distance myself, to not be a part of it. Even though I'm on vacation, it's more about completely differentiating where I am from the office. Firstly, because here I end up talking about it, unlike there, which is the fundamental issue. And it's truly embarrassing because I feel like my ideas don't resonate there. They're not prepared for them because they don't know how to read or listen. They detach themselves from the discourse, they don't follow it. When they speak, they don't see the conversation; they try to detach themselves from it by taking preventative measures. It's regrettable, but I also find myself surrounded by people who are, in this sense, completely alienated from the present. What other discoveries will I make in the future? I've already seen so many flaws in that office... I can't even see them as having come from some school, because they don't seem to have come from there. They may know things, about gossip, about social games, but they don't know how to intellectualize in order to socialize and socialize in order to intellectualize, and that's precisely the purpose of school. They are not prepared to be in the country, it must be said now.

i have a friend, well, i guess you could say he used to be a friend, but he's been tangled up in this whirlwind of drug and alcohol issues for years now, and it’s just so hard to watch. he’s 36, but honestly, it feels like he’s aging in dog years, you know? every time we meet, i see this shell of the guy who used to joke around and have these wild ideas about starting a band or traveling the world, but now he just shows up looking disheveled, like life is just pulling him down deeper and deeper. i remember last summer when we had coffee, he told me, “man, i’m trying to get clean,” but here we are, almost a year later, and he’s still in the same spot, bouncing between rehab facilities and temporary solutions that don’t really address the underlying problems. My neighbors probably think i’m his babysitter! there’s been several times i’ve tried to stage an intervention, but he just brushes it off, saying stuff like, “i’ve got this!” or “don’t worry, i’ll be fine!” but the look in his eyes screams otherwise. it’s like watching someone play with fire and pretending they’re not going to get burned. i know people say, “you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves,” but then what am i supposed to do? just stand back and watch? it feels so helpless when you see someone you care about slip away and you know the darkness is stronger than their willpower. sometimes, i wonder if i’m enabling him without even realizing it.

do you guys think that could be the case? i mean, when i look back, i’ve offered a place to crash, bought groceries when he was broke, even covered his bills here and there. should i just cut him off completely? it’s a tough call! one minute, i think, “okay, i’m really helping him,” and the next, i’m going, “no, this is not healthy!” i read somewhere that addiction is a disease, and while it’s hard to not take it personally, especially when he makes promises he can’t keep and then spirals back down, and i’m stuck over here being the ‘responsible one’ with my own life going just fine, then without my permission he drags me into his chaotic mess. i often find myself feeling resentful for the energy i’ve poured into this friendship, and then i feel guilty because i know he’s struggling. it’s like being caught in a paradox: wanting to help but also needing to protect my peace of mind! has anyone else dealt with this kind of friendship? it’s exhausting! some days i wish i could just mute the chaos, you know? then again, seeing him on good days gives me this flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, he’ll find a way out of this spiral. but those days are few and far between, often overshadowed by despair and anger.

every time i see him pick up a drink or light a joint, i just want to scream! like, can’t he see where this leads? it’s frustrating to see someone throw away their potential for a high that never lasts! i don’t want to be the one who walks away when things get tough, but how long can you support someone who continues to hit ‘restart’ on their life? does loyalty have a statute of limitations? one of my buddies said, “love them from a distance,” which kind of stuck with me because it feels like the right balance – keep your distance but don’t stop caring. but it’s so difficult! that wavering line between support and detachment is a tricky one to walk. every time i hear his phone ring, my stomach drops, wondering if it’s news of an overdose or something equally heartbreaking. and who am i to judge? it feels so unethical to condemn someone for their struggles, yet living in this state of constant worry is exhausting. do you think i’m overreacting? because honestly, at this point, it’s starting to feel like his addiction is my addiction. anyway, he was supposed to come over last weekend, but he canceled last minute, as usual, claiming he was “too busy.” but deep down, i know it’s just another excuse. how much longer can i sit on the sidelines before he pulls me under, too? maybe i'm just thinking too much about it? but, am i really?

I’m 13, female and I went on a website looking for someone to talk to so I could vent about my issues with my family. My family, while I love them, has flaws. My parents, even though they’re divorced, still live together in my Mom’s apartment with me and my sister. It had been a rough divorce and I’m not sure if I’m fully over it but I still have lasting things going on. My mom and dad mutter bad things about each other, mostly my dad though. Living in an apartment it’s easy to hear through the paper thin walls and his loud voice doesn’t help. I don’t know if my little sister notices or not but I hope she doesn’t. Anyway, I went on a website that was 18+ where you could talk to strangers anonymously. As expected there were a lot of weird people on there but I skipped past them and found a few good ones. I matched up with this one German guy. I live in New Jersey, USA so we’re nowhere near each other. I found it cool I could talk with someone across the world and we talked about the different countries and our lives. He told me he was 22 and I said I was 19 since the age was 18+. I probably shouldn’t have ever gone on in the first place but I was desperate for someone to listen to me. So we talked and talked. He was really nice and sweet and he listened to me and gave feedback. I told him my insecurities and he said that I was perfect the way I was and not to worry about it and let it drag me down, despite not even seeing a picture of me or anything! I felt so seen and heard. We both had cats. I had one and he had too so we talked about that and made jokes. He was funny and made me smile. So, when I started picking up on him flirting with me I was flattered but dread started to pile up. I liked the flirting, I never felt so nice like I had nothing to change or worry about. Not to mention I’m fairly socially awkward and not on the popular side in my school so while everyone started to date and experiment I lagged behind. Maybe a bit ridiculous I know but I always wanted something like true love. Or even just someone to cherish me like the guys in the books and shows.. and he gave me that. I told him I was part French but only by blood and I didn’t really know French but we still joked about it. I’m in French class so I knew a few French words and sentences so I showed him just as fun, things like how to order from a restaurant and whatnot. He said he had a thing for French girls and I couldn’t help but feel happy and the flutter in my stomach I never really felt before. The time difference was major and he had to go to sleep soon as it was very late at night, or rather early in the morning for him. I never flirted back but I did pick up on all of his. How he wished me goodnight in French, he called me hun, said specific things about comments I made that I knew he did intentionally. That problem is, I’m 13, not 19. It’s wrong and nothing will ever come of it but he doesn’t know that. I’m cat fishing him and I didn’t even mean to! I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been a genuine connection like that for so long and I feel so good around him, he said I make him smile by talking with him. But he doesn’t know I’m 13. I don’t want to let go of what we have, I’m afraid I’ll never find something like that again. I know it can never happen though. And even if I could manage to just stay on a friendly level I’m sure the feelings wouldn’t go away and it wouldn’t change the fact that I have to keep pretending to be 19. He’d find out eventually or at least get suspicious right? I couldn’t tell him, he’d be furious of course and I don’t want to lose the friendship and connection I have. I don’t know what to do now.