Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I find myself wrestling with this constant question about life expectancy when it comes to individuals with cerebral palsy. Being a parent of a child who was diagnosed not long ago, these thoughts persistently invade my mind, making it difficult to focus on the truly important things in life. It's baffling because cerebral palsy itself can vary greatly from person to person. Some might have mild symptoms and lead relatively normal lives, while others might face more profound challenges. I truly wish I could get a straightforward answer, but it seems elusive.

The questions circle back repeatedly: will my child live as long as expected? Or do we need to prepare for something different altogether? I guess it's human nature to seek out clarity when faced with uncertainty, yet here I stand questioning myself at every turn. Am I searching for reassurance or dreading inevitable news that no one wants to hear? Rationally speaking, we know that each person is unique and outcomes can't always be predicted with exactitude, but emotionally... it's just disheartening.

I think part of me realizes I'm overly dwelling on this conundrum instead of cherishing the moments that really matter. The time spent contemplating what's uncontrollable seems futile in hindsight, but anxiety doesn't operate on logic alone. At least that's what they say right? Maybe what I'm doing is overcomplicating things by placing too much emphasis on factors outside anyone's control rather than focusing simply on love and support for the one whose journey means most.

Growing up, I always felt like the odd one out in my family 🧩. Even though we shared the same house, the same blood, it was like I was on the outside looking in. My parents seemed to naturally gravitate toward my siblings. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t seem to fit into the puzzle that made up our family dynamic. They had their own way of showing love, I suppose, but somehow, it always felt like it never quite reached me. There’s this memory that sticks with me—a time when my mom was talking about my younger brother. She said, “He’s the one with a promising future.” That one line felt like a slap, subtle but sharp. It was like I was written off, as though I didn’t measure up. Why did I always feel like the scapegoat, the one who got the short end of the stick? 😔

At school, I wasn’t exactly invisible, but I wasn’t much more than a background character either. Sure, I’d get the occasional nod in the hallway or a quick “Hey” when someone passed by, but those interactions felt more like a reflex than a real connection. It’s not like I’m terrible to be around—I can crack a decent joke, I can listen, I can hold a conversation. But still, there’s this constant nagging feeling that people are just going through the motions with me. I’ve wondered—am I just not interesting enough? 🤷‍♂️ Maybe I’m missing some unspoken rule, some secret code that makes people click. People always say, “You’ll find your people,” but when? I feel like I’m always just outside the circle, close but never quite inside. And honestly, it makes me wonder—am I the problem, or is it just the way things are?

Social media doesn’t help. I scroll through my feed and see picture after picture of friends hanging out, doing things I wasn’t invited to. It’s like watching a movie where you’re not part of the cast. Each post feels like a reminder that I’m not really part of the story. But to be fair, it’s not like anyone’s purposely trying to exclude me. It just sort of... happens. And I can’t help but wonder: Why does it feel like nobody really likes me? 🤔 But if I’m being honest, maybe I’m part of the reason too. Maybe I’ve built this wall around myself, out of fear or maybe frustration, and now it’s keeping everyone out. I don’t have the answers, but I can’t help but ask—do we sometimes create our own loneliness without even realizing it?

Apologies if the category doesn’t fit. I couldn’t find a better one.

I just want to be liked. I don’t know if it’s just me being too in my head, but it feels like people only talk to me because I’m useful, entertaining, or they’re literally paid to do it.

I can’t have a conversation with my girlfriend without her venting her frustrations to me. I understand that she needs catharsis, and I want to be there for her, but I’m tired of doing it every conversation. I also can’t bring it up, though, because what if I’m just an asshole for thinking this?

And with my friends, I can’t talk about anything beyond surface level jokes. I don’t know if that’s just how friendships are, but I feel like it’s not actual friendship.

Beyond that, everyone in my life is literally paid to talk to me. I won’t go into detail for anonymity, but my family is out of the picture.

I just want to be seen. Genuinely. With no string attached. Which is probably why I’m here, lol. Thanks for reading.

My thoughts are all over the place and disorganized, so there's no way any of this is gonna be orderly and well thought out, I'm just going to throw my mind at the keyboard and send what comes out.

I'm terribly depressed, I always have been, there's been times where I'm at my lowest and I end up in a hospital, then there'll be times when things get better and I start to feel happy, but as life goes on I start to care about the good parts less and less and the bad parts become more and more unbearable.

I'm in one of those low parts now, and I just don't think I care enough to dig myself out again. The best part is that it's literally all my fault! I used to blame everything around me for all my sorrow and suffering, but I'm starting to realize that I'm the source of... All my own problems! My mother was a psychotic and abusive piece of dirt, and the rest of my family wasn't much better, I used to blame that for my depression. Money has always been a big issue, and I used to blame that. Every single friend I ever make ends up hating me and hurting me, before never talking to me again, I used to think that somehow, that wasn't my fault!

I have no friends now, I'm 21 and I've never had a girlfriend, I actually met a girl I really liked not too long ago and pretty much immediately, I found myself straight up telling her to block me because I'm a friggin psycho! So of course she did the smart thing and, ya know, did. I have coworkers and random people I know a little bit telling me I'm a great person, I'm cute, I'm funny, I'm great to be around, but I can tell that every time I do anything I mess it up. Any time I meet anyone, I make it worse. It's becoming so hard to care. I know I'm the problem, and there are so many things I could do to turn my life around, I have so many options! I really don't even have that bad of a life, it wouldn't be that difficult to turn everything around if I really tried, but I just can't find the energy to try! I know if I died, it would hurt some people, I have a brother, I have nieces and nephews, they would be sad, but I find that I can't even make myself care about their feelings any more either!

I could've been way more specific and detailed with some things, but that's the general idea, I push everybody away, I hate myself more than I hate anything else and refuse to let people close, I know for a fact I deserve to die, but every time I attempt to, I give up at the last second like the coward I am. If anyone reads this, they're probably going to give me advice, and tell me how I can try to make things better, but I don't even know why I'm making this at this point, because I know I'll disregard any actual friggin advice that I get!

So I'm just going to suffer, and I'm gonna keep putting on a happy little mask for everyone else, and I'm going to keep feeling alone and closed off, and I'm gonna keep up the pathetic victim mentality, and I'm gonna keep letting my life fall apart more and more, until there's nothing left of me! Because that's the only way I know how to live! Nobody can help, no therapy can help, no drugs can help, no amount of money and security can help, I'm the only one that can make me happy and I refuse to do so, because screw me I guess! I'm not allowed to be happy! Have a good day!

My dad is a conspiracy theorist and it’s driving me insane. I think he is losing it mentally because he spends hours outside at night taking pictures and manipulating them to see crazy faces in the pixels and making up monsters. He makes me look at them all the time, He will wake me up in the middle of the night to look at them. If I don’t see what he sees, then he gets mad or upset with me. He is convinced that he has seen ghosts and talked to demons and made a deal with them.

Today he has been trying to convince me that the earth is flat by showing me a YouTube short. Yesterday he tried to convince me that dinosaurs weren’t real. I’ve tried to tell him I don’t like conspiracy stuff unless it makes sense, mainly about like company’s drama and stuff like that. He got upset and thought I didn’t like him and that I hated him, I tried to explain it to him and he still felt the same way for like a week. I felt bad and ended up just giving in to his delusions. I just tell him I see the stuff in the pictures, but I don’t believe the earth is flat and that dinosaurs weren’t real. He said I was stupid for believing in that. I just said that I had my opinion and I had his which he was thought stupid but agreed. Honestly I’m kinda getting tired of it because he will fake being possessed and make his voice deeper and slower. Sometimes he will fake pass out and me and my little sister have to shake him to get him to not fall over or to wake up. Sometimes he does it when we are in other rooms but will cough fake but loudly and if we don’t go in to help him, he will yell “Thanks for all the help!”. It’s kinda hard to deal with him like this when I already have derealization and him trying to convince me that everything is fake and that we live in a simulation and that we are just a giant test like the hunger games or some shit

I feel like i’m missing out on the college experience and idk what to do.

for context: I (18F) am a relatively high-achieving student that was sent to a smaller, lower-ranking university in a more conservative part of the state. I got an extremely good scholarship offer (B/MD program if u were wondering). immediately, I was torn about coming here. My hometown is right next to a larger, better school and all my friends were in this area + I loved my home city and the community. I was heavily pressured by my parents (yelled at multiple times and threatened to not help pay for my college) to attend this smaller school. it was still ultimately “my decision” for the reasons that 1) I would get the experience of living on my own 2) again scholarship is not offered anywhere else.

I can’t help but feel like it was a mistake. Ik i’m here mostly to focus on school and my career but it’s so lonely. I was also goaded into getting a single room so I have no roommate. I did make friends (more like acquaintances) but none of them ever have time outside of class to talk or hang out because they’re either working or doing something else. it’s even worse because it seems like everyone is able to find medical jobs but I can’t? I’m literally the only one in my scholarship cohort that does not work a clinical job but i’ve tried numerous times and every time I was turned down by some bullshit specification post-interview that the application didn’t list in the requirements (eg “they only accept night shifts right now” when nowhere in the application did they say night shift only).

I feel like a failure. It’s basically been 25% of my college years and i’ve done nothing. I have a 4.0 but all I do is stay in my dorm and watch youtube or instagram reels. I can’t even find energy for my hobbies or what I enjoyed doing before.

I see stories or posts of my friends at other, more traditional “college experience” schools and I just feel more miserable. They have fun, hang out with people, actually have a community and stimulating classes. i’m just sad and friend-starved and understimulated. When expressing this to my parents all I get is “it’s just 4 years, it’ll be over fast.”

It makes me want to scream and rip my hair out. these are the most free, formative years of young adulthood and they treat my situation as if my depression is a worthy sacrifice for the future they want/expect of me. oh it’s just four years it’s no big deal. who cares if you’re miserable, this is so you can get into med school. like thanks dude, that really helps.

wtf do I do. I acknowledge that some of this is definitely my fault. I have a tendency to be distant to people and struggle to maintain consistent friendships. I’m trying to actively rectify this but it’s hard, it doesn’t help that i’m ADHD + anxiety. When I do work up the courage to ask people to hang outside of class they never have the time. Plus, I haven’t found people i’ve truly “clicked” with yet. A lot of my friends share the premed track but in terms of intellectual and cultural interests, we don’t share a lot in common. I like having friends who are politically active with opinions about media and culture that I can bounce ideas around with, but none of them seem keen on that and I don’t want to talk to a wall, yknow?

Any advice would help. I have scheduled an appointment with the school counselor but I am still waiting on that.

My mother has many friends. She has many activities. But she never seems to care about her children. I live 30 minutes away but she never comes to my house. I always go to her. She always has people around. But I never see her do anything for her children. It is very weird. We have always helped her. If one of her children is sick she does not care. My brother had a heart attack. My mother sends a message. But that is all. She can do anything, she has no handicap. If you come to her house she never ask if you want coffee or water. She just keeps on gardening or playing games. She makes her own lunch. Often I buy and prepare food for her. With other people she is very sociaal and gives food. A cold woman.

Im about to graduate highschool and so of course I constantly get asked "what are you doing to do next". And somehow i manage to talk about my future in a way that I even start to believe i have it figured out. But as soon as the conversation ends I realize that i really dont have my shit together. I thought I had it all planned out, ill get an apprenticeship, go to college for the course ill need to move up in my field, make better money, and all will be good. But as much as I talk about it i cant figure out where to start, I know what i should do but i dont know how to do it, i get stuck in a loop of thinking I know what im doing and then have it hit me that i have no clue where i am. Im not stupid, i can do well in school, infact ive been keeping my grades high 80s and 90s but my last year was rough and its going to make it hard for me to get into a good school with those stains on my transcript, I dont know how to start but i know i have too soon. If i can get this figured out eventually im going to make a book to tell people what to expect, because i can only wish i had a book to guide me through all of this now. I will figure it out, even though i feel like i cant right now. I just wish i was actually as organized as i make people believe i am.

so i just found out that my wife is pregnant with twins!! super exciting news, right!? but man, i'm honestly feeling all kinds of nervous too. we're in australia and thankfully got a good job so financially we should be covered; 👍 but what really worries me is the whole raising them part. it's like dude, two babies at once??? how tough is this gonna be as a first-time parent? anyone here ever been through something like this? i'm just thinking of the sleepless nights and all the baby stuff multiplied by two. it's kinda looming over like an ominous cloud even though it should be sunshine and rainbows!!!

seriously though, practicality aside for a sec...emotionally what's it like taking care of twins? im afraid i'll be dividing time between them instead of cuddling and bonding properly with one child at a time. i look at other parents carefully showing endless patience just with one little bundle - and then imagine balancing twice that! having em crawling around into different mischiefs while keeping everything sane sounds bonkers! think i need a trick or some kind of ninja discipline or maybe get cloned to manage haha!

my wife's been pretty optimistic about the whole thing which helps me calm down sometimes. she calls our future hectic life 'double the blessing' (cute right!!) meanwhile im munching on worries more than reassurements – these what ifs do not let go easily.. still imagine lining up pairs' clothes shoes school supplies playdates... how much organization brainpower will this require! feels like juggling plans along a track with tu uncharted courses every week?

I think I got my best Karen in my career... I let you see :)

It was nearing the end of my shift, and I was the sole staff member left, effectively making me the interim supervisor for the evening. Just as we were preparing to close down, a woman burst into the store, visibly livid over our lack of decaffeinated coffee options. Despite explaining that I was the acting manager, and that our coffee machines were already cleaned and shut down for the day as it was only five minutes until closing time, she remained unfazed. I suggested another café just around the corner, but this only fueled her anger further.

She lost her temper, threatening to "find a real manager and have my lazy self fired," before hurling a half-full cup of sloppy cappuccino residue at me. Her rage didn’t stop there as it looked like she was about to vault the counter in a fit of fury. Underneath the counter, my hand gripped a hammer, thinking to myself, "Please don't make me use this."

In a desperate bid to de-escalate the situation, I grabbed the phone, pretending I was about to call the police. This seemed to work as she stormed out. I quickly locked the door behind her for safety. Shockingly, minutes later, she returned, charging towards the door and smacked straight into the glass like a confused bird hitting a window.

If this episode were filmed for a reality show, imagine the dramatic music and slow-motion replay of the customer hitting the door, followed by a confessional scene where I’d express my astonishment and frustration over the night’s chaos. The viewers would probably be split—half sympathizing with me having to deal with such a wild situation alone, and the others howling with laughter at the surreal slapstick of the moment.

This kind of intense personal encounter really makes you reconsider the unpredictable nature of working in customer service. You never expect your night to turn into an impromptu action movie scene!

I know am like her. That's actually they main reason i can't stand her. Cause She thinks she sooo good and i'm the dirt under her feet but we're so much like each other. Better yet. She think we're not similiar at all and even openly said she dislikes me. Since i was like 7. Which f you. But also guess what? You're exactly like me. I know i'm Just as bad if not worse. I've been aware of that since forever. since she does nothing but remind me how bad and horrible i am. I've tried addressing this stuff to her. But to her? This Is normal. All the messed up stuff She does Is normal cause "She had It worse." And She Just gets worse. Maybe stewing in hate won't help. But since i can't talk to her since she won't listen. And i can't leave right now, venting and ignoring her Is the only thing i can do. (When i'll be able to leave i will. Even if just to get a break from her.) And honestly i think i have the whole right to be mad and hate her for wounds she caused. And i know for a fact what she does isn't right and i'm tired of pretending It Is. She doesn't deserve It. Cause she's not only horrible to me, and she's not only horrible to every since animal she "saved" once she gets bored and tired of them. She's horrible to others of our family too. She Just makes strangers thinks she's this adorable little princess. And yeah she did have It worse. But guess what? She stayed, for people who didn't care about her. She stayed and stewed in hate her whole Life and brought me with her. And now she's giving all that hate to me. I have the whole right to hate what she did and nothing will change my mind. Since realisticly speaking. I'll never be able to tell any of this, She never listens anyway. I am like her. A lot. But i'm trying to improve. I'm trying to be better. I am a bad person. But i don't scream at others day and night about minimal issues i brought uppon my self. I don't torture others for every single mistake they ever made. I don't "ban" crying cause it's not a good enough reason. I don't hurt others the way she does. She's stuck in the fantasy that she's perfect and above everyone else and She always will be. And i refuse to forgive her for that. ever.

so i’ve been noticing this weird pattern lately, and it’s kinda stressing me out 😂. every time my period ends, it feels like my anxiety decides to have a party. i know hormones shift during the menstrual cycle, but dang, as soon as aunt flo packs her bags, it’s like my brain decides to throw a whole rave. i mean get this - i’m talking about unreasonable worries that just pop up from nowhere! you’d think when the cramps are gone and the mood swings are calming down, i'd be on the up and up. but nope, suddenly i'm anxious about things that don't even make sense. am i alone in this or what?

one time i was quoting shakespeare in class (to be or not to be type stuff) and halfway through it hit me that everyone was judging every word coming outta my mouth. felt like my heart was about to burst outta my chest emoji style 😅. it's funny because the rational side of me knows people aren't paying nearly as much attention as i think they are. i've done some google surfing, read a few articles suggesting PMS blues could spill over post-period but whatever scientific babble is there doesn't quite put me at ease when i'm caught in my jittery spiral 🙄. barring going full zen with meditation techniques or adopting a kumbaya lifestyle which isn't happening so fast for me right now,, has anybody found tricks or tips to curb this madness? even just somethin' small that helps ya catch a breath between bouts would be awesome!

I lied to my friends and the only friend left is still talking to me and she wants me to admit somtthing else to her but Iam so scared and anxious that shes just going to block me like the others and I dont know what todo besdies ignore it and hope she just thinks I dropped off of the platform

I invested a lot if love and emotion into this girl, who turned out to be dating someone else. I was even under the impression that she loved me with the compliments she's given me. It definitely hurts to think this is ending, and that someone else is the one providing her with love. But I suppose she loves someone else even more, and she's not mine to love. All needed from me now is to tank the hit to my chest, where it feels unbearably empty. I just feel drained and wasted. I'm the type to give our love more than I receive, and that's why. I'm so mad I cannot cry, i am in that damn spot where it stings but you cannot let it out, so you're just stuck with the pain. Anyway, that's enough whining, thanks for reading, as knowing someone might skim thru this does make me feel better. :)

i found out two weeks ago that my husband’s cancer is not just bad, it is the kind of bad where doctors lower their voices before they say anything. we have been married three years, which sounds like a tiny number when someone starts talking about “weeks” like they are coins in a jar. he has a dangerous cancer, almost at the final phase, and everyone is being careful with their words, which somehow makes it worse. nobody says “he is leaving soon” out loud, but it sits in the room anyway. i recieve updates, nod, ask practical stuff, then cry in the parking lot until my face feels like it belongs to somebody else. i keep wondering why crying gives you a headache, because mine is constant now. it feels like my skull is packed too tight, like my brain is pushing on the walls and my head will explode.

he is still himself in little ways, which is sweet and awful at the same time. he complains about hospital food, tells me my driving is still scary, and asks me to stop hovering like a weird little security guard. i laugh when he says it, but then i go to the bathroom and cry again, because laughing feels almost rude when the ending is standing right there. we are spending these last weeks together while we can, doing basic things, not dramatic movie stuff. we sit on the couch, watch dumb shows, argue about what to eat, and sometimes just hold hands without talking. i am definately grateful for that, even if it hurts. there is no villain here, not really. the doctors are doing what they can, his body is just tired, and i am trying to not make every second about my panic. still, i cry alot, and every cry leaves pressure behind my eyes like a bill i have to pay.

the headache is starting to feel like a second person in the marriage, just sitting between us. i drink water, take medicine when i can, put cold towels on my forehead, and tell myself this is normal. maybe it is. maybe crying this much just dries you out, tightens your face, messes with your sleep, and turns grief into pain you can point at. does this happen to your too, where the sadness stops being just emotional and becomes this heavy physical thing? i don’t want pity exactly. i know people go through worse, and i know my husband is the one actually sick, not me. but being the person watching is its own kind of damage. i love him, i am scared, i am tired, and i keep wiping my face so he does not have to spend his last weeks watching me fall apart;