Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I love my parents like most kids. I’m 13, female. My mom, she’s strict but sweet. She always tries her best despite being tight on money, my dad is always there for me to talk to whether it’s about something stupid or deep concepts. My dad is silly and fun and while my mom is more laid back and strict on me I know she loves me and wants the best for me. They’re not bad parents but what’s really affecting me is their divorce. They’re got divorced a while ago, about 3 years now I think. Ever since then they still live in the same apartment, it’s my mom but my dad stays here. I don’t know why I think money reasons. Either way my dad gets really bad mood swings and easily gets angry. He’s also a bit paranoid I will admit. Recently my mom said we have to get our passports done again so we can go see my grandpa and in case I have any upcoming trips as I go into highschool. My dad for some reason was not happy about that. Usually they argue over text. While I’m still upset and can clearly tell when they’re fighting at least they keep it out of the hearing of me and my sister. It’s gone years since their last argument out loud. Today broke it. My dad yelled at my mom when she asked if he’d bring me to my tour of the highschool before my graduation. He said she was making him out to be a bad parent because he didn’t want to go and somehow that spiraled into how he didn’t want to get our passports done. He thinks my mom would take me in my sister away. She would never. I don’t know their thoughts but I KNOW my mom would never do that. They were yelling. It hurts to hear them yell. I wanted to cry but there’s nowhere I can be alone to cry because I share a room with my sister so I took a shower to cry in there. I was worried, am worried. Not about me. More about my parents and even more for my sister. She’s currently 10. She was 6 or 7 I think when she witnessed my parents get into their first and only physical fight, which was the breaking point of their marriage. It had been rough before then but that was what broke it. They had been screaming at each other and my dad accidentally pushed my mom into our room. I had been holding my sister on my bed and covering her ears, I was scared but I was more scared for her. I didn’t want her to have to hear that. But I only had two hand, not four and I couldn’t cover her eyes like I wanted. She was crying and she managed to break away to get to my mom and dad who weee struggling against each other. I was scared before and even more scared then. She was in the danger so I ran over and pulled her back so maybe she wouldn’t accidentally get hit. Ever since then whenever my parents fought out loud I’ve always been scared for her. How she felt, how would this effect her? I don’t even know if it does affect her, she always looks so neutral, maybe she’s used to it because she grew up in it. Either way I’m scared for her. I’m scared for my parents. I’m scared that they’re really going to break it off, that I’ll have to be moved around every couple days on a schedule between houses to be with them. I’m scared that it might get physical again. They’re divorced but they’re still living together, there’s nothing to stop that. If that happens could me and my sister not be able to see our dad again? Would the court think he’s not fit to be around us. I love my dad. I’m scared, so scared.

I truly wish I never told you who I was. And who I wanted to be. I never expected the absence of words I hated so dearly to effect me in such a way. I wish I never told you I was nonbinary. And that the names made me feel gross sometimes. I wish I was still propped up on your chest while you whispered our nicknames into my ear. I miss being your pretty girl. I miss being your wife. I miss feeling like I mattered to you. I miss you showing off your girlfriend to everyone you know because I was the prettiest thing you've ever seen. But now your to scared to call me pretty. To nervous to tell me I look beautiful. All of our compliments and sweet names are filled with anxiety and it hurts me to hear the pain in your voice. I hope you know I love you. And I hope you know.. that if I could take it all back and just stay quiet about who I was. I would. In a heartbeat.

you ever feel like communication can be a bit of a minefield in couples? i'm 41 now, been there, done that with relationships, and it’s kinda wild how things change over the years. like, when you're young, you think love is all about the butterflies and passion, right? but then you hit your 40s and it's more about understanding what your partner really means when they say "I'm fine" 🤔. i mean, come on, we both know they’re usually not fine. it’s like this secret code, and you gotta crack it if you wanna survive. communication is key, they always say, but what happens when that key doesn't fit the lock, you feel? think about it, how many times have you had those awkward moments where you thought you knew what they wanted, but turns out you were totally off base? it’s like trying to read a book upside down. sometimes, it feels like we’re just talking in circles; have you experienced that? i remember this one time, me and my partner spent nearly an hour discussing where to order dinner. endless back and forth, and honestly, it felt ridiculous. it all came down to just burgers or sushi, but we both had different moods and preferences. at one point, i even joked, "why don't we just make it a burger sushi fusion?" but of course, that didn't help. i think every couple can relate to that, right? so then there’s the whole question of asking the right things. “how was your day” is a classic, but doesn’t really dig deep. have you ever tried asking, “what made you smile today?” or “what was the most annoying thing that happened to you?” those kinda questions open up a whole new world. you can really get to know your partner beyond the surface-level stuff. couple's questions can be a game changer, or they can backfire too; sometimes you might strike a nerve you didn’t mean to poke. you know that feeling when you’re just trying to connect, and you accidentally touch a sore spot? i used to think it was a disaster, but now i see it as an opportunity, right? after all, who doesn't want to deepen their bond? there’s this idea out there, “no pain, no gain,” and it feels kinda true when it comes to relationships. it’s like, if you don’t face the tough stuff, how can you expect to grow together? i find that even tricky conversations can ultimately strengthen your connection. and to be real, it’s not always easy. sometimes you just wanna avoid the hard talks and binge-watch a show instead, but skipping them doesn’t do anyone any favors in the long run. have you found a balance in that? like, when’s the best time to dive into those heavier topics? i guess there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. i’ve had mixed success; sometimes, a random Tuesday night feels right, and other times, the moment can totally kill the vibe, you know? but here’s a thought, maybe curiosity is the secret ingredient. if you approach conversations with a genuine interest in what your partner is feeling or thinking, it could really take the pressure off. think about asking them quirky questions too, like "if you could have dinner with anyone in the world, who would it be?" those can lead to some fun discussions. and let’s be honest, life is too short to always be serious. sometimes we just need to laugh and remember why we connected in the first place. it’s easy to get lost in the day-to-day grind, juggling work, kids, or whatever, and forget to take a moment to appreciate each other. have you found little ways to keep that spark alive? me and my partner started doing a monthly “date night” where we try new things together, from cooking classes to trying out different restaurants, or even just chilling at home with a movie marathon. it really helps break up the routine and keeps things fresh. the simple act of prioritizing fun together makes a massive difference, you know? we’ve had the cheesy heart-to-heart moments where we just sit and talk for hours about our dreams, fears, or even random stuff that pops into our heads. sometimes it's enlightening, sometimes hilarious, but it all comes back to connecting. i guess at the end of the day, it’s all about finding your rhythm as a couple, and embracing the ride with all its bumps; we might not have it all figured out, but as long as we are willing to ask questions and keep the conversation going, we’re on the right track, right? so here’s my question to you: what’s your go-to couples question?

Idk. Everything that i was terrified of is happening. If my younger self met current me she would cry or think im insane.

Like first of all theres my grades. Like not to brag but i used to be smart. Like smart smart. Like i skiped a grade when i was younger top 5% of my grade type shi. I was that anoying kid who like cried if she got a 85%. Im not kidding i got a panic attack over a 75% once. And then my grandma got cancer. And then the whole family was fighting and everyone told me my grades were the only reason my grandma was getting better. because i gave her smt to hope for. So i was like 12 and studying till like midnight and waking up at 4am to study and skiping dinner and recess and rushing lunch to study. I was forgettign about the bathroom to study.

But I liked it yk???? For some reason. Cuz like when i had perfect gradesmy grandma would like stop everything to listnen to me yap for HOURS. Or me and my mom would hang out all the time. And my dad took me out all the time. And ik it kinda made me bratty back then but i got TONS of presents. And it was like everyone listened to me and not my brother who used to get bad grades.

And then SOMETHING happaned. Idk i went to travel for vacation. Like a whole month resting, and i came back and i couldent focus. Like out of nowhere. I just couldent. My brain would space out whenever i tried to focus. And i wasent even thinking about important things. It was like percy jackson or kpop or when its acceptable to cross the street if a car is coming or like how a world would work if u needed to take a bath before midnight or u would die idk. Or i would obsess over my nails or my fingers or my scalp and like be picking on them untill they were bleeding.

And so my grades where dropping ofc. But now its to the point where im failing 4 subjects. Subjects i like!!! BADLY. And my brother is the one slaying now so he gets all the attention. And i only do good in english and a bit in spanish.

And im bi and ace and its not like my parents care?? they just know im bi but they ignore it every time i talk about a girl its insane and it feels like their ignoring this thing that took me 5 years to accept ebcuz it makes them uncomftarble. Its not like they even ask questions. My mom says it dosent make a diference and she complains that i have labels exept when i think a girl is cute she just ignores it???!!

And i cant eat properly and i either eat too much or dont wanna eat berally anything for days, i dont have the energy to do everything im obsessive im messy im anoying idk how to do anything my mom fucking calls me autiistic and i cant fucking cry about anything the last 4 years it feels like im losing people all the time and i hate myself and i dont even wanna kms cuz it feels like im already dead.

It feels like theres a hole in my chest all the time and i wish i could drown and melt into my bed

I don’t even know what’s wrong with me anymore, but I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s like no matter what I do, he’s always in my head, like a song stuck on repeat that I never even meant to play. I keep telling myself to move on, to focus on other things, but then something happens—some tiny, stupid thing—and I’m right back where I started.

I see his name pop up on my phone, and my heart does that annoying little flip, even if it’s just a random meme he sent in the group chat. I pass by the hallway at school where we used to sit together, and I swear I can still hear us laughing, like some kind of ghost of what we used to be. And that’s the worst part—there was a “we” once. Maybe not in the way I wanted, not in the way I dreamed about late at night when I stared at my ceiling, wondering if he ever thought about me like I thought about him. But he was in my life, and now he’s not, and I don’t know how to deal with that. I tried, I really did. I deleted our old messages, I stopped looking for him in every crowd, I even forced myself to talk to other guys just to prove to myself that he wasn’t that special. But itt didn’t work. It’s like my brain refuses to let him go, like it’s clinging onto every little memory, every dumb inside joke, every time he smiled at me in that way that made me feel like I was the only person in the world. And maybe he never meant to make me feel that way. Maybe it was all in my head, some fantasy I built up because I wanted it to be real so badly. But even if it was just me, it still felt real, and that’s what makes it so hard. I hate how pathetic I sound, like some cliche lovesick girl in a bad romance movie, but I don’t know how to make it stop. I tell myself he doesn’t even think about me anymore, that he’s probably moved on without a second thought, and maybe that’s true. But what if it’s not? What if he misses me too, but he’s just better at hiding it?

What if I gave up too soon, what if I should have tried harder, what if this feeling means something and I’m just letting it slip away? I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore, except that every time I think I’m okay, something pulls me back to him, and I hate it, but at the same time, I don’t want it to end. Because if I stop thinking about him, then what’s left? Just me, alone, with nothing but the empty space where he used to be.

Each year, my parents organize a small getaway for our family, and this year was no different. Along with me, they invited my fiancé and my younger brother’s girlfriend.

I have been in a relationship with my fiancé for over two years and we got engaged about three months ago. My brother has been with his girlfriend since they were freshmen in high school, making her practically part of the family by now. However, this trip was to be the first our family would share with my fiancé, marking an exciting milestone for us.

The key detail here is that my fiancé is entirely dependent on his guide dog, a gentle and indispensable aid due to his visual impairment. This dog isn’t just a pet but an essential part of his ability to navigate the world.

The issue arose when my mother realized we intended to bring the guide dog along. She was taken aback and questioned whether that was really necessary. I was puzzled by her reaction—how could we possibly not bring the dog? She's a vital part of my fiancé's mobility and independence.

My mother expressed her reservations, suggesting that while she appreciated our situation, she preferred that the dog not accompany us on this particular family outing. I tried to explain how integral the dog is to my fiancé's daily life and that excluding her was not feasible.

The situation escalated quickly. My mother became agitated, calling me ungrateful and disrespectful. I felt a mix of disappointment and anger and eventually had to end the phone call to avoid saying something I might regret. Shortly after, my father called, attempting to mediate. He suggested I could assist my fiancé instead, minimizing the issue to a mere inconvenience. This suggestion was not only impractical but also insensitive. The argument heated up when I insisted on the importance of inclusivity and fairness, especially given that my brother’s girlfriend was invited with no objections.

If this scenario were part of a reality show, cameras would zoom in on the intense emotional debates and the tears, capturing each biting comment and painful silence. Viewers would likely be polarized, with some empathizing with the struggle for inclusivity and others siding with the supposed simplicity of the parents' request.

Given this strained situation, am I the wrong one here? Should family unity come at the cost of exclusion? How can we reconcile these differences without feeling like we've compromised our principles or our loved ones' fundamental needs?

I feel almost completely alone deep down. The people in my life seem to just abandon me at my lowest moments now. And I struggle with extreme disdain and self loathing. Yet I also feel like I’m being ridiculous at times, like I don’t deserve to be feeling the way I do because I haven’t experienced enough badness in my life. I don’t get therapy enough. I make poor choices continuously. I am really at the edge of losing hope for myself entirely. And all of it sparked from girl problems, or at least, the recent parts of it. So I guess, what would people have thought if they had seen all of this on a reality tv show?

For starters, I am a 16 year old boy who has a lot of friends, plays football and I live with my mom, dad and older sister. I am 5’8 or so, and I have weight issues. Nothing crazy, I’m around 196 pounds but my big issue is that I have serious confidence issues. I think it’s derived from my friends making fun of my weight too often. I get hurt from them but I don’t know how to stop them. They just don’t seem to care about my feelings. But beside that, I feel alone in the love department. I have never kissed anyone let alone had a talking stage. But lately I have been hanging out one on one with this girl Isabel, who has been my childhood friend for nine years now, and I’ve liked her since I met her. I’ve never felt any way about anyone the way I feel about her, but she’s conventionally attractive. She gets so much attention from boys who look way better than me. On top of that she goes to these parties where everyone gets drunk and fuck around with each other if yk what I mean. We share such a deep connection and I’ve never shared such a connection with anyone else. I was planning on telling her I liked her, and right when I was, a kid on my football team went behind my back and started talking to her. By the time I wanted to ask, she was already making out with him. Meanwhile I am all alone in my room. It’s not even like I wanted to just make out with her. I just wanted to have someone to cuddle with. To care for, and to spend time with. Being alone is the worst thing I’ve ever felt and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I could drop my friends. But I can’t drop her. When I found out she was talking to my “friend” I told her how I felt on text while in my anger and then we stopped hanging out. That was 2 months ago. Recently she asked if we could hang out. Guess what we talked about, how the guy she was talking to treated her bad. I wish she could just see that none of those guys like her for her personality, or any of the things that makes her special, but simply because of her looks. But, after we hung out guess what, I start to like her again. And I think we will hang out again, but it just feels like I keep asking her and she doesn’t even return anything. We haven’t hung out in a bit and I hate it. I want to talk to her on the beach while listening to Mac Demarco like we used to, but no. She just won’t make time for me. I’m so unimportant to her. She will drop plans with me so she can do other things and go to parties and I hate it. I just want love. I hate being alone having no one to love or care for. She’s been stuck on my mind for so long and I just can’t get over her. I’m sick of it. It feels like she’s playing games with me and I’m so done with it. Why can’t she just like me. Why do I have so many uncontrollable things in my life? My height? My baby face? And my depression? I just need someone. I say I’ll push through it and that this is a sign to push myself and work on myself for myself. And it probably is. But I’m just eating like shit every day and I need to change that. I don’t know if this rant has even made sense or if anyone will read it but yea. That’s my story. Someone push me to change please. I hate being alone.

I remember when things were different between us. I remember the warmth in your eyes when you looked at me, how your voice would soften when you said my name, how your touch made me feel cherished. I used to believe with my whole heart that you truly cared about me and loved me. Now, I find myself questioning everything.It feels like your love has become conditional - as if I need to perform or give parts of myself away just to receive your attention. I've noticed that you respond when I offer my body, my time, my energy, my resources - but when I need emotional support, you seem to disappear. This pattern has left me feeling like an object rather than a partner. I feel like I must constantly earn your love rather than simply being worthy of it through who I am. The loneliness I feel even when we're together is overwhelming. I walk on eggshells around you, carefully measuring my words and actions, afraid that one wrong move will push you further away. Your love feels like it comes with fine print - conditions and clauses that I never agreed to but must somehow fulfill. Everything I worked so hard to build with us - the trust, the openness, the safety - seems to have vanished without explanation. When I try to express myself to you, it's as if my words evaporate before they reach you. You look at me, but you don't see me. You hear me, but you don't listen. The only time you seem truly engaged is when the conversation centers on things that make you feel good or validated. My pain, my concerns, my needs - these seem to be inconveniences to you rather than valid parts of our relationship that deserve attention.You say "I love you" with such ease, but those words ring hollow when not backed by action. Where is the affection that used to flow so naturally between us? Where are the small gestures that showed me I was on your mind? Where is the desire in your eyes that made me feel wanted? Your words and your actions tell two different stories, and the disconnect between them leaves me disoriented and questioning my own perceptions. Time after time, you claim you want to communicate and work through our issues. "Let's talk about it," you say. "I want us to work this out." But when the moment comes to actually do the hard work of relationship building, you check out. You offer surface-level responses or empty promises that things will improve. We both know the pattern by now - nothing changes. You go through the motions of caring without the substance of it. You create the illusion of effort without actually putting in any real work. Our nights have become a painful reminder of our disconnection. We go to bed with tension hanging in the air, issues unresolved, words unsaid. You turn away and fall asleep as if nothing is wrong, while I stare at the ceiling, replaying conversations and wondering what happened to us. Remember when we couldn't bear to end our days without hearing each other's voices? When falling asleep on the phone together was our ritual because we couldn't stand the separation? Now, days pass where we barely exchange meaningful words because you're always "too busy" for me. Yet somehow, in your supposedly packed schedule, you carve out time for her - the very person who betrayed our privacy by gossiping about our relationship. The same person you looked me in the eyes and promised you would distance yourself from. You hang out with her behind my back, constructing elaborate lies to cover your tracks, even though you know exactly how much this hurts me. It's as if my pain doesn't factor into your decisions at all. What cuts even deeper is how you deliberately bring her up in conversation, watching my reaction as if my discomfort provides some form of entertainment for you. When you casually mentioned that you used to have feelings for her, it was like a knife to my heart. That information serves no purpose except to make me feel insecure and question what's really happening between you two. Did you think about how that would affect me before you said it? Did you care? The contradiction between your words and actions has become impossible to ignore. You tell me I mean everything to you in one breath, and in the next, you treat me as if I'm nothing. You claim I'm a priority while consistently putting me last. You say you value our relationship while actively undermining it. I'm left wondering which version of you is real - the one who makes promises or the one who breaks them. I'm hurting in ways I never thought possible. There's an anger in me that burns alongside the sadness, a profound sense of betrayal that keeps me awake at night. What devastates me most is that you don't seem to notice or care about the pain you're causing. Or worse, perhaps you do notice and simply don't think it matters enough to change your behavior. I still remember how you used to look at me like I was the most precious thing in your world. How you would speak about our future with such certainty and joy. How your actions aligned perfectly with your words, creating a foundation of trust I thought would never break. Now I feel like an afterthought, something you step over or around on your way to what really matters to you. I need to know if what we had is real or if it was just an illusion. I need to understand if there's anything left to salvage or if I should stop pouring my heart into something that no longer exists. Most importantly, I need you to understand that love isn't just a word - it's a choice you make every day through your actions, your attention, and your priorities. Right now, your choices are speaking louder than any words you could say. I'm laying my heart bare because despite everything, I still care enough to fight for us. But I can't and won't fight alone. The question is: are you still in this with me, truly? Or have you already checked out while keeping me hanging on to false hope?

(18, job program student)

My horticulture teacher has been sharing emotional things that we don't need to hear about, and it's been pissing me off and making me uncomfortable. It's not directly at us, it's over our heads and to the assistant that she's comfortable with, but she says things like:

"Does a blow to your self-esteem,"

"Nothings keeping me here."

Among other things she'd openly vent about that would give me a weird gut feeling. Catering to an adult's emotions has been emotionally triggering for me (30s or 40s+ specifically). I don't say anything to give advice to her or make her feel better whatsoever, I'm more inclined to tell her to STFU. She wouldn't go out in full paragraphs, just a sentence or a few words.

I've thought about reporting it, but I value the good relationship I have w/ her. And it would make things awkward and I feel like it would heavily embarrass her - but she done something wrong, I don't really need to give a full shit.

I think I might say something directly to her to keep things to herself, like "Can you keep these things to yourself?" I'd see it at something far better and quicker.

I've already had an incident where an assistant (who doesn't cater to me anymore) said that whenever I left early, they don't get paid as much in a day. I had a full-blown, horrible moral OCD panic attack that same night. He got scolded by 3 people (an ex-worker and 2 staff) when the news broke out, possibly even more

I'm not responsible for their feelings. I'm not responsible for their paychecks. I'm not responsible for their consequences that are set against them. I've been doing my best to reassure myself of that.

The best outcome is that she never vents in class again and I don't need to say a thing.

Me and my now ex boyfriend are in a weird situationship thing. He’s treated me better than how we were in our relationship. But he’s been talking to me about doing OF and I’ve been feeling so jealous. Before you say anything, I’m fully aware that I can’t control him and he’s his own person. But it’s hard when you have such strong feelings for someone and they do certain things that just strike you the wrong way. It hurts but I don’t necessarily have any right to say anything to him about and I can’t make him not do it. It really sucks.

so, here's the deal, guys. i've been dating this amazing guy for a couple of months now, and everything's going great. we're both 17, figuring ourselves out, and all that jazz. the thing is, he's super plugged into the whole LGBTQ+ community. like, he's got this crew, and they use so many terms i'm just not familiar with. i'm feeling a bit lost because i keep hearing the words "gay" and "queer" being tossed around like they're interchangeable—are they??? i mean, i thought i knew the basics, but turns out, i might be missing something.

so, picture this: we're hanging out at his friend's house, right? his buddy starts talking about this "queer art show" they're planning, and someone else chimes in with, "oh, it’s so great to see spaces that celebrate queer culture!" and i'm just standing there, nodding like i get it, but inside, i'm like "wait, what?" because i thought "queer" just meant "gay," but now it seems like it’s got its vibe and everything. i'm kinda stressed out 'cause i don’t want to seem clueless or, worse, offend anyone by asking, "um, what's the difference between gay and queer?"

i remember when i first told my parents about my boyfriend—they asked if i was "coming out as gay now?" and honestly, i didn't even know how to respond. i said, "uh, i think so?" but now, i'm hearing all these terms like bisexual, pansexual, non-binary, and gender-fluid, and i'm like, okay, where do i fit in here??? does liking a guy make me gay, or am i somewhere on the queer spectrum? i'm legit confused, and part of me is worried i'm just overthinking it. like, does it even matter as long as i'm happy? but still, i'm in this kind of identity limbo, unsure of what label, if any, suits me best.

now, i did what any self-respecting teen would do; i dove into the internet rabbit hole, reading articles and forums about all these different identities. from what i gather, "gay" typically refers to someone who's attracted to the same gender, right? but when it comes to "queer," things seem way more open-ended. some folks embrace it as a blanket term for anyone not straight, others as an act of reclaiming a word that was once an insult. but it seems to have this larger-than-life, almost rebellious energy to it, embodying a broader celebration of diversity. is that how you guys see it too???

part of me wants to just sit down with my boyfriend and ask, "hey, what do these words mean to you?" or "how do you feel about them?" maybe even confess that i'm kind of at a loss for the right vocabulary here. but, i can't help but worry he might think i'm not invested or that i’m just clueless. in the end, i guess this is part of the journey, right? figuring out how i identify, what these terms mean to me personally; it's just this process of questioning and understanding, getting comfortable with being a bit of a rainbow-colored question mark for now. who else has been here too? i'd love to hear your stories or advice 'cause i'm just trying to keep my head above water in this sea of new words and identities. thanks for listening!

How could I have ended up alone? I tried to do everything right with others. I tried to fit in with others. I tried to do everything to connect, and I still haven't succeeded. It can't be that at this point in my life, I've ended up alone. This is hell for me, from every perspective.

I'm envious of the friends I met, the ones I've interacted with, because they have lives, and I don't. I'm starting from scratch, like a newborn baby, except I don't have the chance to go to preschool. How do people like me want to start over? I'm looking for a new life.

It can't be that I have to settle for the life I had. In fact, I'm alone because I felt that the life I had, its relationships, were ineffective and actually harmed me in terms of my development, in terms of my ideals of taking care of myself, of my spirituality.

I was building a life based on trampling on that, however, I found it wasn't the path, because it didn't allow me to be free, to be critical, to be aware of what was happening in my life. It was like being at the mercy of injustice, of unconsciousness, and there's nothing worse than that. I feel that's why I stayed alone, because I didn't support those kinds of thoughts. My goal in life was to be conscious and to defend that no matter what, and frankly, I'm proud of it.

Unlike when I started writing, I'm happy to be alone if it means keeping a distance from people who don't advocate for consciousness, for self-exploration, regardless of the path I have to take. And I have to say, even in these, therapists have been a hindrance, which is why I also had to keep my distance. To this day, I'm glad to have recognized that both this environment and this help, in the end, only advocated for a defective, half-baked, and non-holistic development.

Without a doubt, many of your lives are filled with girlfriends, friends, and well-paying jobs. However, I need to point out, they are prisons, at which point you have decided to sell your conscience in exchange for conformity, in exchange for receiving defense and a position of power by following a trend in which other people are also involved, and not being alone when faced with a situation. Of course, all of this is based on not believing in yourself, and it's just the opposite; it's the starting point I want for my life.

Indeed, being alone, unlike in your case, which means having deliberately disconnected from relationships, in my case represents the constant reinforcement of my belief in myself, as a starting point, to safeguard my life. Without a doubt, this prevents me from being attentive to others. I will be attentive when there are commitments, but in the meantime, I won't. It's interesting to have them, but you also have to admit that they are out of your control, and they are better when they happen spontaneously.

I feel sorry for myself for reaching this point of remaining alone solely to strengthen my spirituality and allow life to move forward completely naturally, allowing it to be contemplated as such. Creating artificial moments is precisely covering up those spiritual points that need to be worked on, and that's what I don't want; I need to develop them in order to achieve this goal with spirituality. Now I understand why I have the life I have.

It must be said, in the midst of this accumulation, which indeed pressures and makes one feel overwhelmed, many take advantage of it to make suggestions, which is simply a way of taking advantage of a development of ideas, a boiling point of ideas, to gain a follower. This is an attack on their development, on their individuality.

So, I know life could be worse. I could be homeless. I could have a terrible family. I could be injured. But recently life has been infuriating. I’m feeling terrible! And just so angry and sad and… honestly those words aren’t good enough tbh. Honestly the word I feel the most right now is looser. I’ve been out of a job for 6 months. Ya I know. I’m living at my boyfriends house. But I’m not seeing my friends cause they’re still in college and I graduated early. I was supposed to use the year as time to save money. But no. Just spend apparently. I’m uncertain about my grad school application. And overall just feeling looser. I should change my mind set, I’m a winner and just get back up, but it’s been kind of difficult. Especially when most my days seem filled with watching garbage on Netflix or YouTube. I can’t even say that I’ve been trying super hard. Cause I’ve honestly kinda been half assing life a little bit. My best friend is halfway across the world and I can’t even speak with her for the most part cause she’s doing a stupid mission for a religion I don’t believe in. I’d say it’s a waste of her time, but then again that would be hypocritical cause what the fuck am I doing. I’m bitter. I’m angry that none of the jobs I’ve applied to have hired me, angry that the job that promised me work in March hasn’t reached back out and instead is having my friend go. They have work and they won’t give me any! It’s pissing me off! I’m not even sure why not. Is it cause I plan on going to PA with my father in a few weeks. Are they waiting till after the trip to rehire me?! Because I would like some information! But everything in the workplace nowadays has to be some sort of game of the right ballance of professionalism and charm! And if so that would leave me with another month of no work!!! Ahhhh!! And my boyfriends gonna want his rent for April soon and I don’t want to pay it! Cause I’ve got like 2000 in taxes I’m going to need to pay for my independent contracting! And for gods sake what is wrong with my bf!!! He’s been so hard to be in a relationship with for the last basically year. I thought moving in together would strengthen the relationship from our previous long distance thing, but I am upset with it. It’s so.. so!! Just… meh. There are no fireworks, no playtime, no dancing, no laughing, half the time it’s heavy seriousness. And I don’t know if this is a phase because he wasn’t always like this, or if he was just pretending to be silly and fun and cutesy when we met. And now I need adventure but he’ll never go on an adventure with me. He values work over living life! And I’m debating texting my old boss up, he texted me a little bit ago, about work, but I’d only be able to work for maybe a month or a week or two before the other job rehires me, cause they said they want me back but they won’t give me a date! I just need a date!! I can feel the judgement from my mother and everyone around me! And I feel like I’m being crushed under the weight of never being enough and it’s double now that I’m literally doing nothing! And it’s been so long and I feel aimless and bored and lonely! And I miss my friends and school and I wish my relationship was better but it’s not and ya. And if I go to work with my other boss for a small amount of time I would prefer for a certain employee to not be there! Ah I hate him!! I’ve been there longer and he would act like my boss and he made me anxious and I would wake up everyday dreading seeing him. I liked that job before he was there, but here I am. And ya. Basically, I got a job that told me it wasn’t seasonal then turned out to be seasonal and now I have no job and am just waiting for them to give me work. They have asked me when I’m available I said I’m available right now, and then they gave work to someone else that I know. I’m pissed off. And all the other jobs I’ve applied to have been kind of dead ends. My mom keeps saying, “you have a degree you can literally do anything” no mom! It’s not so easy! Yes I probably could, but you have to be hired by picky ass people first! If you don’t want a garbage job doing garbage work. And what I really want to do is travel! But I don’t want to travel alone, but nobody in my life is in the position to just go on an epic adventure with me. I’m sorry this is so long. And it sounds like a bunch of excuses, but this has literally been my life for the last 6 months and I’m sick and tired of it!

My relationship with my mom has always been fraught with tension. From a young age, I learned that her needs and emotions took precedence, and I had to constantly manage mine to keep things stable at home. She had a skillful way of twisting situations so that if things didn't go as she wanted, she became the aggrieved party, always in the right, always unappreciated. It felt awful, but I clung to the hope that as an adult, I could establish boundaries and break free from this cycle.

As it turned out, not much changed with adulthood. I still found myself overanalyzing my words, adjusting my tone to avoid upsetting her and triggering her victim mentality. This year, I decided to host Thanksgiving, aiming for a drama-free celebration. Mom was invited but I was determined to maintain a peaceful environment.

The day started well with my dad telling jokes and everyone relishing the reunion. But as dinner commenced, my mom began with subtle digs about how I don’t reach out enough, and escalated to express how she’s the only one who values family. She vented about her sacrifices and unappreciated efforts in motherhood, claiming to be a victim of our ingratitude.

I felt my patience wearing thin. Eventually, I couldn’t contain it anymore and I confronted her, saying, “Mom, you need to stop making yourself the victim. It’s draining and it’s the root of our problems.” The room fell into an uncomfortable silence. Her reaction was of shock initially, which quickly turned to tears. She labeled me as cruel and heartless, dramatically leaving the dinner, with my dad casting a helpless glance my way.

Following the incident, my family has been polarized. Some relatives sympathized with my standpoint, while others criticized me for being harsh. They reminded me that she’s still my mother and warned of future regrets. But something in me feels that the confrontation was necessary to break the toxic cycle.

The altercation left me conflicted; I never intended to hurt her, least of all during a family holiday. Her inability to acknowledge her part in our strained relationship has exhausted me. Constantly catering to her emotional needs without regard for my own has been overwhelming.

Imagining if this altercation had unfolded on a reality show, the scene would likely be amplified by dramatic music and multiple camera angles capturing each family member's reaction in slow motion. Social media would probably be ablaze with opinions, hashtags trending, and perhaps polls questioning who was in the right. It’s strange to think about how such personal moments can be sensationalized for entertainment.

Am I wrong for confronting my mother despite the hurt it caused?