Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

do u ever see happy couple or family, or hear talk about it, and then ur instantly reminded u dont have a family, u have a house full of people but none good to turn to, none u can be urself with, ur just lonely, "friends" maybe idk, but there not safe to open up or they probably truly dont give a fuck, and are probably far away from u, and ur not sure who to trust and ur lonely forever, and were in a shitty world even then at least could be spent with nice people, no i dont even have that, im not even interesting person myself, i dont do or know interesting things, and if i dont work be productive my worth just vaporizes away, nobody would want me around if i dont contribute, nobody would care, if they did then there probably got there head in there ass, and im always will be second to someone else anyway

So my friend is mad at me because I refused her help. She said I got "mad" when she tried to help me, which I DIDN'T. I just said "I don't need help" and that was it! But now, she's over here, talking shit behind my back! LIKE IF YOU HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM WITH ME, SAY IT TO MY FUCKING FACE. And someone I THOUGHT was my friend is just taking her side. Ok, maybe I've been a little bitchy lately, but that's because I have things going on in my own life. If you cared to ask how I'm doing once in a while, you'd know! I'm actually about to fight her. She wants me to "grow up"? Yeah. I will.

I don’t even know where to start. For as long as I can remember, there’s been this feeling deep inside me, a constant whisper that I’m not good enough. Every day, I ask myself, why do I hate myself so much? And every day, I come up empty. It’s like I’m stuck in this loop, and I can’t figure out how to break free.

The crazy part is, from the outside, you’d probably think my life is fine. I have a decent job, supportive friends, and a family that loves me. But none of that seems to matter when the voice in my head tells me over and over that I’m a failure. It’s not like I choose to feel this way—it’s just there, like a shadow I can’t escape.

For me, the self-hate started small. I’d beat myself up over little things, like saying something awkward in a conversation or getting a bad grade in school. Back then, I thought everyone did that. But over time, those thoughts got louder, and now it feels like they’re all I can hear. No matter what I do, I’m constantly second-guessing myself. Did I handle that situation right? Did I offend someone without realizing it? Am I even worth anyone’s time?

Social situations are the worst. I’ll be in a group, and instead of enjoying the moment, I’m obsessing over whether people actually like me. I’ll replay conversations in my head for days, analyzing every word I said and convincing myself I sounded stupid or needy. The worst part is, even when people tell me I’m fine or that I’m overthinking, I don’t believe them. It’s like my brain won’t let me accept anything positive about myself.

And don’t even get me started on my appearance. Some days, I can barely look in the mirror. I pick apart every flaw, every imperfection, and wonder how anyone could find me attractive. I know it’s unhealthy, but it feels impossible to stop. Social media doesn’t help either. I’ll scroll through Instagram and see all these perfect people with perfect lives, and it just makes me feel worse. I know it’s fake, but it still gets to me.

At work, it’s the same story. I could spend hours on a project, pouring everything I have into it, but as soon as I hand it in, all I can think about are the mistakes I might have made. Even when I get good feedback, it doesn’t stick. Instead, I focus on the one piece of criticism or the one thing I think I could’ve done better. It’s exhausting.

The thing is, I don’t even know where this self-hate comes from. I didn’t have a traumatic childhood. My parents were strict, sure, but they loved me and did their best. So why do I hate myself? Why can’t I shake this feeling that I’m not enough, no matter what I do?

I’ve tried all the usual advice—positive affirmations, journaling, even therapy. And while those things help in the moment, the feeling always comes back. It’s like there’s this wall between me and actually believing anything good about myself. I’ll write down things I’m proud of or things I’ve achieved, but they always feel small compared to the weight of everything I think I’ve failed at.

One of the hardest parts is how isolating it feels. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way—there are forums and articles and videos about it—but in my daily life, it’s hard to imagine anyone else struggling like this. Everyone around me seems so confident, so sure of themselves. Meanwhile, I’m over here just trying to make it through the day without falling apart.

Sometimes, I wonder if I’ll ever feel differently. Will there ever be a day where I wake up and don’t feel this weight on my chest? Or is this just who I am—a person who’s destined to hate themselves no matter what? I want to believe that things can change, but honestly, I don’t know how to get there.

If you’re reading this and you’ve felt the same way, I wish I had answers for you. I wish I could tell you how to stop feeling this way, but I’m still trying to figure it out myself. All I can say is, you’re not alone. And maybe that’s the first step—just admitting that we’re struggling and trying to find a way forward, even if it’s messy and imperfect.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but for now, I’m just trying to hold on to the hope that it doesn’t have to be like this forever. Maybe there’s a way to break free from this cycle. Maybe one day, I’ll look in the mirror and see someone worth loving. Until then, I’ll keep asking the question, why do I hate myself?—and maybe, just maybe, I’ll find an answer that helps me heal.

i really miss my best friend, we haven't had a proper conversation in around 3 weeks. I know she's semi online playing games and posting notes on Instagram. She recently got a boyfriend and I'm so happy for her because she deserves all the love in the universe. i guess it just bothers me that we haven't had a conversation because she's my closest friend, and one of the only ones i talk with one on one. And the only one who i can have deep conversations with one on one, that's mainly because i don't have a lot of friends especially irl. which isin't on her of course, i just miss her a lot and i have a hard time accepting that i don't have a lot of people to talk with the same way i talk to her.

i miss talking to her and she reposted tiktoks about how draining it is to reply everyday, and i really get that. she sometimes takes a few days off to focus on herself but she usually comes back in a couple of days max a week probably, but it had never been over 3 weeks. and with my birthday coming up im afraid she will maybe not even text me then. and she isint obliged to but i know it will just really hurt me if she doesnt.

m 16

Hey... this is gonna be tough to say.

TW // talk about rape

so... my partner, K, has been raped a few times in her life. I understand it to a degree, having been sa'd multiple times and raped once myself, but I can't seem to silence my thoughts. Whenever I am alone thinking, I for some reason start to think about the fact that she was raped, and I get urges to ask for descriptive details about them, things like who it was, what their relation was to her, where it happened, how it happened, what they did, basically things that should never be asked. I am not necessarily afraid that I am going to slip up and end up asking them, but I'm worried where they come from, because it feels almost like i want to know the details so i can imagine myself in that situation. Almost like I want to have lived her life and experienced all the good and bad she's been through and its kind of eating me up. I can't seem to understand why i want to be her so badly.

This will be very long, but that's just how much I need to let out. So, let me begin.

I used to have a friend group, it felt like the world was mine when I'm with them. Plus, I was sort of the leader. But later, we all had separated because of most of us transferring to different schools. I wanted to keep touch, of course, but over time, we drifted apart. We still text, but what's bothering me is one of my friends from our group who I should say is one of the closest to me.

At first,we were both venting to each other about our new environment, but lately, I noticed he getting way less present. In our group chat, when I text her personally, she became more distant. I found out that she probably has new friends. So of course,she'd already forget us since she has a replacement now.

I wish I'm like her. Someone who can easily forget others. Because the more I remember, the more it hurt. Moreover, at my new school, I turned into a quiet kid. New kid, so everyone already has friends and has no room for me. Ignored, invisible even when I try to participate, they wont acknowledge me. Be it my peers or the teachers.

This made me feel lowly. Another thing if like to vent about (told you, there's a lot) is about my appearance. I'm short, wear glasses, not exactly that fair... I wish I can be pretty. I always wonder how other girls can look pretty, even if they look like me. I think it might be because of their fashion. One more thing I can only wish for. I want to wear outfits like them. They all look pretty, elegant and trendy. Like people others would walk by and say "wow, she's beautiful". But whenever I express my desire to wear pretty outfits, my family would tell me that it 'doesn't suit me' or like 'when are you gonna wear it?' .

My sister is trendy. She can go out on her own, buy clothes without worrying what others would think. She's tall, pretty, smart, admired. I'm only a year younger but I can never look as mature as her. She has her own bank card, her own purse... When I ask for these, my parents would procrastinate buying me one, I'll end up never getting it.

I just want to be like them. I want to have friends, go out with them, look pretty, go to fancy events (my school never does them, while my sister's always has these events), I just wanna feel wanted. But I'll always be the average, unwanted, background character. I wanna feel important in someone's life just like how important my friends are to me. I wish I can be someone who doesn't break down crying from just a few nice words from a stranger on the internet. I just want to be someone else who's not this pathetic me.

Sorry for this being so long, I actually have more to say, but I'll end it here. Just the thought of someone reading this whole thing is amazing. Just so you know, I appreciate you. I want to be someone who can provide comfort too. This makes me feel better, and I like that feeling. Thank you, thank you so much.

My dad was always there for me except in the ways that i wanted him to be.

My school was paid for, there was food on the table, clothes on my back, and everything I needed growing up. In some ways he did his job as a father but when it came to me emotionally the parts of me that needed softness growing up till today he was never there. I can't remember him ever telling me he loved me. Even now it feels strange to say out loud.

As a little girl I used to wonder what it would feel like to have a dad who asked me how my day was, who hugged me for no reason, who made me feel safe enough to talk about anything with him.

Most of our conversations have always been about school and my grades. Whether I'm focused. Growing up that's what mattered to him. That and religion. If you stayed on track, if you prayed, if you got good grades, there was peace in the house.

We live in the same house and yet i feel like he's a stranger sometimes. How can two people share the same space for years and still know so little about each other? He barely knows me even though he thinks he does, you cant know someone you never speak to. I wish we could talk like a normal father and daughter. About simple things. About life. About how we're doing. Without it feeling forced or awkward or like we're both waiting for it to end.

Sometimes I wonder if it's my fault for not trying harder.

But then i think isn't he the parent? Isn't he the father? Shouldn't he be the one to take the lead, to reach out, to make it easier for me to come to him?

Instead there's always been this distance between us. Now when he travels sometimes I think about calling him. Just to ask how he is but I never do. It feels unnatural like trying to build something from nothing. I wouldn't even know what to say so instead I hear about him through my mum.

And sometimes I feel guilty for how distant | am because I know he's not cruel. His parents raised him with toughness and he became a father through that same language. Providing and protecting

It would've been nice to hear it once in a while. To hear him say "I love you" To feel known and understood by him.

How do you build a relationship with a parent when there's always been distance?

Honestly, there is more than just my school that i wanted to talk about, so ill put it in also right after school, first thing is that in school, im always told by my friends that most of our classmates or people in the school hate me, only cause they say im over dramatic, a main character, and more, i guess its cause im the only one who tells them to be quiet of fix the chairs when its required…

But its not like i dont know about this before my friends told me, i know people hate me, i always hear them whispering my name, mimicking my voice or even hearing my friends tell me they heard them say fat jokes about me, like that i only came to the certain event for the food..

I would tell a teacher, but i worry ill get hated even more… and its hard already considering most of the people there hate me, and i wont be able to tell my family either, cause last time i did they keep cutting me off and get mad when i snapped at them or tried stopping them from spreading their version of my story, where it would seem like im the one at fault…

But it might be true though, what if im the cause of such things?, what if even if i try doing it cause its good, ill only be seen as annoying?… what if im not soft hearted and in fact im just the over dramatic freak they say that cries or gets mad too easily?

What if when i tried venting to my friends, they were correct when they told me im the reason for such things and that im the cause of family drama, and that it is all in my head?…..

Its easier to tell these through a message than to speak them, after all, i have no one left to talk this to, and if i tried getting therapy, my family would call me crazy… what could i possibly do?….. and am i too young and just misunderstanding everything even though i have felt this way for years now?….

sorry to be serious and i've been having trouble articulating myself lately sorry for that too. (not a danger to myself or others)

I guess for a really long time I haven't been able to feel any emotions or like purpose or anything but it was always manageable until recently. idk why but lately it seems a lot worse...I don't know what's real or what isn't anymore, i think this is real but I can't tell any difference either way, I know rationally and reasonably I am alive and other people are too, but they don't seem real either. I think I am a ghost. even physical sensations (cold, hunger) don't give me any sensations at all. I can't seem to physically talk to anyone these days (like I can't even tell people thank you when they hold the door for me anymore) and moving and walking and breathing even is honestly excruciating. and I have tried all those things people say to do a million times (exercise, good sleep, good food, water, etc etc etc) and none of it makes any difference. I feel like i'm high out of my mind, wandering life aimlessly, but I haven't taken anything. I am beginning to think if I tried to touch another person my hand would pass right through their shoulder. i guess i'm sort of at a loss. I used to do things like sleep in my contact lenses or walk to class without a coat to feel things but that doesn't even work anymore.

i trudged through the heavy snow today to sit on a bench at the frozen pond. I don't know how long I sat there, but it was a long time, because my entire body was shaking bad when I finally decided I should probably go. I never seem to notice things like that these days. I thought about visiting the campus infirmary but what do I say is wrong with me? obviously something but not something that I can name, nor something that they can fix. I kept expecting someone to suddenly sit down next to me, I don't know who, anyone, and we wouldn't speak, we'd just sit there together and look at the falling snow. but they didn't, and even though I dragged my feet on the walk back to my dorm no one ever appeared. that's not their fault. no one is going to save me. I know that. but I sort of hoped maybe there would be a magic figure, a fairy godmother or a wizard coming to whisk me away to a magical school. there wasn't, and there's not going to be. but I feel like i'm really running out of options here.

I feel deeply hurt because my boss has interfered with one of my friends, and that's something I can't allow. It's incredibly difficult for me to have friendships, and to just abandon them like that, especially after manipulation and by dictating the terms of my interactions with them, is disrespectful. It's an imposition on the very nature of my life that I cannot tolerate under any circumstances, and I feel compelled to stand up for myself immediately by any means necessary. For him to ask me if I'm doing this because I like this person, want a relationship, or something like that, is disrespectful. It's an accusation that I'm trying to turn a human being into a profile, and that goes completely against my principles.

This individual has interfered in my life beyond all bounds, and now I feel compelled to remove him by any means necessary and to report his actions. I see that he's completely out of control, and something must be done about it. The days are over when I supported his dominance, when he used me and our relationship as a means to achieve stability, which is to do so at my expense. I can't allow that. I'm there to work for the company, not for him, and it's clear that I'm definitely not with him to carve out my own territory. He doesn't control me, even if it means facing every hell imaginable. Personally, I'll fight for my life, of course. I need to be with my friend. I can't let circumstances push me aside. She and I are fed up with this. What we have is very special. We had difficulties at the beginning, but that's natural. I'm tired of this guy always interfering, making us blame each other, just like that, and hiding behind the machinery of his own narrative. This is serious.

Given the recent events in my country, I didn't hesitate and took advantage of the crisis to expose this scoundrel, to reveal his true nature, desperately seeking understanding. This is a mechanism to gain favor, even at the cost of bureaucratic abuse, constantly admitting and admitting, which serves as a smokescreen, masking what one doesn't see. He is a great individual without feelings, living off others to expand his power, but his days are over, as the authorities themselves, on all sides, have betrayed him, exposing him completely. He cares about no one but himself, and he has tried to make me sympathize with him through feelings, through empathy, but personally, I have no interest whatsoever in this miserable, heartless politician who has found ways to flaunt his machismo by exploiting a woman's vulnerability, just as he did with my friend.

I understand why this is happening with his secretary, who hasn't made any effort to leave in any way. Instead, she's normalized the situation and, when push comes to shove and he's in trouble, she's looking for ways to confront him about it, revealing that she lives only for running away, without any real grounding. They aren't good people in any sense; they thrive on manipulation, on the extreme control of subjectivity, on making the world turn out the way they want, without any mercy, relying on these group games that distract him. In fact, they even find it amusing to pry into one's private life, desperately trying to steal anything that might enhance their image within the company. However, those days of support are over too, because everyone in the company openly and clearly supports my relationship with my friend, who I believe is defending us. One always sees it through the doormen or those who are always present and observing, precisely because their profession is to make receptiveness to professions possible.

I am definitely announcing with this, and proudly so, that a bad man has fallen and that he dragged his secretary down with him, because his hypocrisy is no longer believed in any way. His good intentions, support, and so on, only make us understand that what matters to them is manipulation at all costs. In fact, it was because of them that people distanced themselves from me, and I didn't realize it, but they all saw that there was indeed something about me that was out of place, and that it wasn't right to be a lover of emotions just to get something from others, but rather to become transparent, to integrate myself. I didn't want an isolated life as they intended, to the point that they tried to control my relationships with others. I really had to figure it out; it was almost spontaneous, I must say, because although it was ingenious, everything turned out to be easy for me.

It all stemmed from a routine that was itself based on another routine, one that took into account that something out of the ordinary was happening, something my boss and his secretary failed to consider. They tried to use their own tools, their own routine, to deal with me, even though I was clearly an outsider to their routine. Therefore, they refused to acknowledge they were in trouble and acted defensively. This is the problem, for them, of living in groups where normality is the imperative, not the practice. It's something many people don't see, and I think it needs to be discussed.

I don't feel comfortable around these people. Everyone rebels against them, and they don't consider any context. They live in perpetual victimhood, always aiming to perpetuate the dictatorship they created. Everything always gets out of hand, something always happens, and they live at the mercy of the fact that if it's not one specific person, then the issue is simply a matter of hiding. They live solely off their image, which is the only thing that protects them, and they attack anyone who isn't part of their circle by any means necessary, through gossip, through that string of things that justify any accident not as an accident but as intentional, precisely in their eagerness to accuse it of being entirely deliberate. They are monsters, and I can't believe I had to work with them, but well, it's out of my hands, and I am infinitely grateful for my perseverance, because, even though I didn't say it, I felt completely capable of handling them. They saw my complete trust as excessive, and it was precisely that illusion that led to their downfall. It is astonishing, without a doubt, to observe how these people smiled at their own misfortune, at their own ruin.

My friend was aiming for the same thing, from every point of view, but it all came down to setting limits, acknowledging risks, the possibility of loss, because not everything is permanent, not everything will always be there, no matter what, not everything is unconditional—well, nothing in life is unconditional, not at all. In fact, now that I'm thinking about it, thanks to this spirit she manages to integrate herself even more into the community, somehow making use of our practices, based on an integration with the other, a fair establishment consisting of confronting the other, under the freedom to defend oneself. However, with others, this doesn't prove significant; instead, they become submissive out of fear of conflict, and in itself, this is leading her to become dominant in the office, of course, except with me, since she knows I can see her attempts at confrontation. Of course, it all started with me confronting her, opening myself up to appearances and falling into that consistency resulting from not accepting the denial of those appearances. She operates with others, starting from the denial of herself, as a gesture that, otherwise, if they step outside of her comfort zone, they will find themselves facing a warrior prepared to face rejection; her denial consists of the fact that such rejection does not exist, in principle, because others act in accordance with her, when it does exist, and precisely because she denies that depth that I faced.

My best friend Leia, has a boyfriend in France, in other words we're in England and therefore they're online dating. I don't have a problem with online dating because I've done it before, but I don't like him. Not because he is French and in another country but because of him in general.

We were all friends, obviously they were dating and therefore it's different but me and him would play Minecraft. It was meant to be all 3 of us, but Leia was never in the mood simply because she was not in the phase.

Time skip, Valentine's day. They spend practically every day on call, calling till they sleep. Sleeping on call. Valentines was going to be the same. I wake up and find a message that it was Leia finally being on Minecraft! I have always wanted her to join ever since the world was made. I asked to join but I joined the world anyway, because I have technically been on the world longer than she has as a whole. I was told I was being "extremely rude" by her bf for simply joining.

Now thats a bit odd, yes its valentines day... But am I rude for simply being excited over my best friend that I know much longer than he does, bare in mind by 2 extra years of a sort simply from her being on a game that I wanted her to play all together for weeks? After simply 20 minutes. they left, he left minecraft on for me to carry on building, but thats it.

I did open up to this, with my other best friend, Sophia on call because... It wasn't personally that fair? just because its valentines I have been pushed away. Sophia asked her friends to see if it's okay also, one of them has a boyfriend themselves and they all said it's not okay. Therefore I message them both.

The hilarious bit. I was practically in the wrong from their point of view.

I brought it up, long argument short, I apologised for 'intruding' and just played with Sophia.

Another situation with them!

So, it was a random day, he asked me if I wanted to play minecraft at all that day, HE asked so I thought why not? it was 10am, I was busy, I told Sophia I couldn't call her today cause I had plans to call him. Now, throughout the day, I called with Sophia anyway but told her I had to leave at 4. Throughout the time, he has not left minecraft since 10. That was 6-7 (I'm not brain rotted, and it depends if you count 10am also) he has played practically none stop. On the dot, 4pm we planed to call. "Sorry im not in the mood anymore, maybe another day." Sorry? You're not in the mood because you played none stop, if you wanted to avoid that, log off especially if you know the time and what youre doing. I didn't hang up on Sophia thankfully. But what if I cancelled other plans just for this? not 10 minutes notice. Bang on the time of 4pm.

I texted Leia the problem, we went back and forth, she simply told me "talk to him on the group, I'm not involved" thanks.

On discord, on the group chat, I was texting him, back and forth, I now have another friend Ellie because I needed help knowing what to say and also to put in text (I tend to forget important information to involve so they help, + it was to help me know if im in the fault or not).

During this argument, he was not apologising for cancelling the game. He believed he was not in the wrong, He was also a year older than me and like I said before, immature. Therefore he was brainrotted. I despise him to this day for all of that. a year older than me and his girlfriend and he acts like this?

Anyway, it lasted long, to the point Leia steps in simply saying "this has gone on for too long, therefore I am going to point out the problems."

He gets 2 sentences of pointing out what I have said, he shouldn't have cancelled the idea last millisecond. She calls him "baby" I get thats his nickname, but you're babying him... No? And I get 2 paragraphs for 'dragging it on' and what I had done wrong.

Now I'm practically pissed, shes not on my side because I'm dragging the situation on valentines day in this predicament and now this? and she babied him cause thats a nickname. Thanks.

Moving on, it went back and forth. I told her I am not mad at her, she was panicking I was mad and furious at her, I pointed out numerous times I am not. I am mad at her boyfriend. Yet she has a panic attack and he begs me to be his friend still numerous times.

Did I know about the panic attack at the time? No. she never told me till a week later. So I thought he was being a creep, I still wouldn't of accepted his 'deal' to be friends (exactly how he worded it) because im not dealing with an immature boy who cannot say sorry when even his girlfriend knows he was in a wrong, 2 sentences or not.

I ended it by unfriending him and leaving the group. That is practically how it all went down.

I hate how she picked his side, couple or not, I know her more by an extra 2 years. and im not online. So if it all went downhill, I am closest and also her parents dont know him and also against online friends. Make it make sense...!

my name is miriam and im almost 12. my parents are divorced and they can't agree on anything. im Jewish and my mom wants me to have a bat mitzvah at 13 and my dad wants me to have a bat mitzvah at 12. and none of them are willing to be flexible so now i'll have to study twice as hard. like this is supposed to be my breaking point, the end of my childhood, but what's the point if you have to do it all over again? and lately I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts because of family problems (ill go into that another time) so i don't really know what to do atp

Four months back, I found myself jobless after an unexpected layoff from a tech company. Having always taken pride in my work, this was a major blow to my self-esteem, and I've been grappling with a sort of identity crisis, discussing these issues with my therapist. However, I've always disliked idleness and yearned for the structure my routine job provided, which pushed me to start applying for new roles diligently. After several interviews that didn't result in job offers, I finally had a promising opportunity with a company I admired.

About a week ago, I received an invitation to participate in a time-sensitive written test as part of the job application process. Knowing my tendency to get nervous under pressure, I prepared intensively. I also emphasized to my husband, Henry, the importance of complete solitude during the hour-long test—I needed that duration uninterrupted. He seemed to have understood the crucial nature of my request.

On the day of the test, I secluded myself in our home office, the door firmly shut, hoping to ward off any disruptions. As the test progressed and the final fifteen minutes loomed, my anxiety peaked. Despite the intense preparation, I was under immense pressure to perform well. That's when Henry burst into the room muttering, "sorry ignore me ignore me." Panic set in as I tried to focus on my work, and I immediately asked him to leave. Instead, he began rummaging through the desk drawers, further invading my already frazzled concentration. Overwhelmed, I finally snapped, raising my voice to demand he leave immediately, which he did with a dramatic door slam.

After completing the test, I sought him out to apologize, explaining the stress I was under and reminding him of our agreement. However, Henry felt I had overreacted and couldn't grasp why I was making "such a big deal" out of his brief interruption. Now, over a day has passed, and he hasn’t let it go, still simmering with resentment.

In a scenario like this, had it been captured on a reality TV show, the scene might have been dramatically amplified. The cameras would have focused on the tension in the room, possibly even replaying the moment of my outburst multiple times. Viewers might have seen confessionals where each of us explained our side, adding to the drama. Reality shows thrive on these moments of intense emotion and misunderstanding, often blowing them up to entertain the audience. One might wonder if the audience would sympathize with my need for professional calm or lambaste me for my reaction under stress...

My goddamn family keeps on pressuring me to do all the bs they want me to do, instead of trying to let me have a choice. as if im their clone, ffs. i told my dad i didnt want to play basketball anymroe since my og basketball coach stopped teaching, and the first thing he did was say "Because you're lazy". He showed me a chinese coach who could teach me basketball, but they cant speak english. I saw a video on it, and I was confused. Confused as hell, I didnt know a single thing that was going on. I could speak chinese, sure, but I knew no basketball jargon in chinese. and my dad looked at me as if he taught me basketball in chinese. And he said "You do know how to understand. You're just too lazy to accept that. Am I right?" I couldnt even say no to that answer. I still wanted to play basketball. All he said was "Dont bother playing anymore, dont bother trying to ask if you can continue playing."

Hubby and I are from different countries/cultures.

We ended up moving to Australia before Covid struck 😒 we eventually settled in and life moved on around the world. My in-laws all live in one area. Hubby and I settled nearby and everything was fine. The kids love their grandparents and they are good to me.

However…

I miss my parents so much. I am an only child and my babies are their only grandbabies. It breaks my heart. But hubby is good to me and supports us well. In-laws are good to me too. Just the culture differences get to me sometimes. In-laws have other grandchildren nearby. They are “well off” so they tend to live their lives separate from their children. That’s fine. I’m used to family in your face everyday lol.

The thing that bothers me is they will pass on spending time with their grandkids just because. They want to shop or go out for dinner on their own. We have invited them over and they will refuse without a reason. I’m aghast because I know my parents would kill to spend everyday with their grandbabies!!

I know I can’t change anything. I hate it’s so expensive to fly to Australia! I hate my parents are not well off and can’t afford to visit! They’ve come once and are saving up to come again. Hubby and I have even told them we can help a bit. My dad has offered to send my mom on her own just to save money. I hate that for them! I want them to be next door and my babies see them everyday and be loved so much by two more people! My parents are one of the best in the world! They are so wonderful and sacrificial! They deserve the world and especially their only grandbabies to be nearby to hug and kiss and love on them all day everyday!!!!

Two years ago, we moved about 300 miles away. It sucked for me because now we are not near family. In-laws have come to visit once. Once! In two years. Again, I can’t believe it. They can afford to travel but choose not to. My parents would give anything to see us once every two years! I’m trying to respect their decisions but can’t help think of my parents. I get so upset with my in-laws in my mind. I guess that’s how they stay “well off”, don’t spend too much money. It just annoys me for the kids. They deserve loving grandparents nearby 💔