Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I'm 16 years old ftm and gay.

I've accepted myself ever since i've figured out i was trans, i've always been an ally of the lgbtqia+ community and i always will be.

The thing i struggle with is hearing all the negative comments about the trans community and about the lgbtqia+ community in general. Because no matter where you are there will always be someone who doesn't accept it. I understand people have different views of things, but why do we normalise hatred so much? love is love and trans men are men. And the same goes for trans women they ARE women.

It fills me with rage that people can't let other people be who they are. You don't choose to be trans or gay, it's not a choice and it isin't just something that can be 'fixed'. Hearing people say things like "being gay is just wrong" or "being trans is bullshit" really hurts. I don't judge people for being straight, because love is love right?Why should we bring someone down just because they don't fit the standard?

I personally don't watch the last of us but why would you cast someone who is cis to play the role of someone who is trans? it WILL hurt the trans community, because to someone people it will be seen as "trans men ARE women" when they are NOT. They had the opportunity to cast a trans ftm teen, and to some people it isin't that serious. But it IS that serious. We deserve good representation and i wish that other people could see that we are human too.

We aren't freaks, no it's not just a phase we are going through, just because we don't fit the so called 'norm' doesn't mean we don't deserve to be treated the same way.

I was employed in management at a bustling resort nestled in a sought-after vacation spot. Our resort regularly hosted weddings, and as part of the planning, the event coordinator typically reserved a block of rooms for the attending guests. It was routine for a manager, like myself, to handle the check-in for the bride and groom. Before their arrival, the coordinator warned me about the bride's demanding nature.

The bride specifically requested a room on the topmost floor, nearest to the shoreline. We accommodated her as much as possible by arranging their stay in the Honeymoon Suite, which was on the third floor with a sweeping view of the ocean. However, this did not satisfy her. She became irate when I informed her that it was the highest and closest room available. At the front desk, she melted down, causing quite a scene as I tried to explain the limitations.

A coworker sensed the escalating situation and went to fetch the event coordinator as the bride lashed out vocally at both me and her fiancé. The poor man was profusely apologetic, trying his best to soothe her. She eventually accepted the room keys, but it wasn't long before she returned, this time demanding that we evacuate the neighboring rooms and those directly beneath hers. Of course, this was impossible as those rooms, priced at $640 per night, were fully occupied.

Fortunately, I was not on shift during their actual wedding night, but the stories reached me by the next day. From verbally abusing the serving staff to ejecting the band for playing a tune she disliked and engaging in a full-blown altercation with her mother-in-law, she seemed to have left a trail of upheaval behind her. Despite the grandeur of their $40,000 wedding, she managed to sour the experience for many.

The groom, aware of the challenging situation, left a box of wine for our front desk staff as a gesture of apology for his bride's behavior. Out of all the challenging brides I've encountered, she certainly took the crown for the most unforgettable.

Imagine if scenes from that day were captured in a reality show. What a spectacle that would have been! Given her dramatic outburtemps, the episode would likely feature me trying to mediate an almost constant stream of complaints and unreasonable demands, peppered with her outbursts resonating through the corridors of our resort.

Now, thinking of such an intense day being part of a reality show really makes me wonder how bizarre and unnervingly entertaining that would appear on screen. Would the viewers sympathize with our team, or would they be enthralled by the bride’s over-the-top drama? I can only imagine the chaos, and somehow, I'm thankful it was just another day at the resort and not an episode for the world to see.

Lately I feel like I live with someone who has already decided I’m the villain before I even open my mouth. My daughter is fifteen, and I know, I know, people love to say, “Teen girls are hard,” like that sentence is supposed to cover everything, but some days the way she talks to me honestly feels personal. I’ll ask something normal like, “Hey, did you finish your homework?” or “Can you put your plate in the sink?” and she’ll hit me with this exhausted eye roll and that sarcastic little “Oh my God, can you not?” like I just ruined her entire life by existing in the kitchen at the same time as her. It sounds small when I type it out, but when it happens over and over, morning to night, it wears you down. Last week I reminded her to bring a jacket because it was cold, and she snapped, “I’m not five, stop acting like you own me.” I wasn’t even trying to control her, I was literally just being a mom. Then later that same day, she texted me asking if I could drop off the charger she forgot, and of course I did, because that’s what I do, but she barely looked at me when I showed up. She just grabbed it, muttered “thanks,” and ran back inside. I sat in the parking lot after that and thought, wow, when did basic kindness become too much to ask for? The messed up part is that she’s not like this with everyone. Her friends think she’s hilarious. Teachers say she’s “spirited” and “smart,” and family members still call her sweet because she can turn it on when she wants to. So then I start wondering if this is just what she saves for me because I’m the safe person, or if she actually resents me in some deeper way and I’m too clueless to see it. People say, “She’ll grow out of it,” and maybe they’re right, but that doesn’t really help in the moment when your own kid is talking to you like you’re some annoying coworker she hates. And yes, before anyone jumps in, I have tried being softer, stricter, more patient, less naggy, more understanding, giving space, having heart-to-hearts, all of it. I even told her once, very calmly, “You don’t have to like me every second, but you do have to speak to me with respect,” and she laughed, which somehow felt worse than yelling. Maybe some of you have been here too;

What makes it harder is that I’m not pretending I’m some perfect parent who has never messed up. I have lost my temper. I have repeated myself too much. I have probably asked too many questions when she clearly wanted to be left alone, and I know teenagers hear concern as criticism half the time. When I was her age, I thought my own mom was “doing the most” over everything, and I definitely said a few nasty things I wish I could take back, so part of me tries to remember that and stay fair. Still, there’s a difference between normal teenage attitude and feeling like your child has contempt for you. A few nights ago we were in the car and I asked how school was, just trying to connect, and she said, “Why do you always act fake interested?” That one really got me, because I am interested. I know the names of her friends, the teacher she can’t stand, the singer she has on repeat, the fact that she likes her toast barely toasted, the way she gets quiet when something is really wrong even if she says she’s “fine.” I carry all these tiny details because I love her, and yet somehow I’m the person she talks to the worst. Her dad says not to take it so personally and that she’s pushing boundaries, testing independence, all the classic parenting-book stuff, and maybe he’s right, but he also doesn’t get the full blast of it like I do. There are these random good moments that keep me from going completely bitter, like when she fell asleep on the couch last month and still looked like my little kid for a second, or when she showed me a dumb meme and laughed so hard she snorted, or when she had a rough day and let me rub her back without shrugging me off. Those moments make me think the real her is still in there, and maybe this is just a brutal phase neither of us knows how to handle. But I wont lie, it hurts. It hurts to be the person making the meals, buying the shampoo, remembering the dentist appointment, staying up until she gets home, and then getting treated like I’m this huge problem. Has anyone else had a daughter act like this and then eventually come back around, or is there something I’m missing here? I’m trying really hard to stay balanced and not turn this into a “kids these days” rant, because I do think being a teenager right now looks exhausting in ways my generation didn’t deal with. But I’m also a human being, and some nights after she goes to her room, I just sit there thinking, why is my teenage daughter so mean to me?

I'm a teen and I've been friend with this guys for around 3 or 4 years. He has autism spectrum and struggles with friendships and relationships. When I first met him he was really in a bad mental situation, he wanted to die and kept SH himself. In that period that I think lasted around a year or two he always texted me and I was there to help and in the end I managed to make him stop. He got better until one day a friend of ours decided to spread humors he was manipulative and a bunch of other lies, that was I think around a year ago. I was always there to help him but for some months now he started smoking every day and drinking (he's still a minor), he also started SH a bit again, not as bad as before but it's still something I'd rather he not do.

I keep trying to help me but it's always this loop of me asking him to try to stop, him promising but restarting immediately after.

Today he fought with another friend and he immediately texted me. They fought because he's intense as a person, such as physical touch and he's really blunt and brutally honest. I told him to apologize to her and to actually try to 'fix' that side of him with her because nobody shows 100% of their personality. He keeps being defensive and acting like what I'm saying to him is something impossible for him.

In the end I told him that I'm not his psychologist and that I can't do more if he doesn't even try.

I admit my answer was maybe harsh but really I was getting irritated and annoyed at him and I really held myself back from swearing at him.

For context: he has a very good family that supports him and he also has a psychologist.

A few nights back, I invited two of my good friends over for a sleepover. Both are the same age as me, and we planned to end the evening with some classic movie watching and unwinding. As the night drew to a close, and we began removing our makeup, I suggested they explore and use any of the skincare items from my well-stocked bathroom cabinet. I'm a skincare enthusiast and have a wide collection ranging from inexpensive brands to pricier, high-end products.

Shortly after, my friend Emily came out of the bathroom looking uneasy, and confessed she had accidentally dropped and shattered one of my top-shelf skincare bottles. It happened to be my SK II Pitera Essence, which cost me about $134 CAD. It's housed in a delicate glass bottle and was nearly full as I had purchased it just weeks before.

Immediately apologizing, Emily seemed genuinely remorseful. While I reassured her initially, things took a turn when I brought up the expense of the product. Emily was taken aback by the price and when I gingerly asked if she could compensate partly for it, she declined. Her rationale was that it had been an accident and since I had offered the products for use, she didn’t see why she should contribute financially. Since that conversation, there's been an uncomfortable tension lingering between us, and communication has been minimal.

The third friend who was present stayed silent and hasn’t picked a side, preferring to remain neutral.

Reflecting on this, I wonder how different the situation would play out if it were part of a high-drama reality show. Surely, the cameras would amplify every reaction and corner each of us into justifying our viewpoints more fervently. Perhaps in such a scenario, the tension would skyrocket, possibly leading to a dramatic confrontation or emotional reconciliation orchestrated by producers for maximum viewer engagement.

Should I have asked Emily for compensation, or was I being unreasonable given the circumstances? How do folks generally handle mishaps like these among friends?

I appreciate any thoughts or shared experiences on the matter. 😉

Alright, so I'm 39 and trying not to freak out, but it's hard not to feel like something ominous is scribbled across my life's blueprint. could it be the algorithm of stress, or maybe just the faulty wiring in my overthinking brain? the days scrape by and I've got this stupid itch, like a ticker tape in my head whispering "tick-tock, hun, something's coming." you ever stand in the shower and just watch the water swirl down the drain while wondering if you're circling right down with it??? bizarre, right? but seriously, what the hell is this gut-churning sense of doom that just lounges in my living room like it pays rent?

i blame it on the 'midlife crisis' stigma, which surely must be some twisted rite of passage. but i don't own a convertible or an absurdly-priced leather jacket, just a morbid fascination with my own mortality. is there an existential influencer somewhere saying, "and now you'll dread your birthday cake candles"? at this age, you'd think I'd have unlocked some dispassionate wisdom from life's inventory, but nah, feels like i'm playing a video game with a walkthrough written in pencil!!! like howdy, could someone patch this glitch, please? no cheat codes here, just wish I could delete this morose save file, you know?

but here's the thing, if i dust off my therapist's favorite cliches, it's like hitting pause and rebooting with optimism... "change is good!" or that irritating serene vibe of "you've got this." tedious but they might be onto something!!! i mean, statistically, with all the variables, I could live to garden with my grandkids, dodging any hardware bug life throws my way. don't you think it's hilarious how we can be both the protagonist and the heckler in our life’s script? maybe we're all just late-night telethon hosts, presenting dramatic predictions about the apocalypse of our souls. pfft, if i can troubleshoot systems as complicated as my own, enjoying that last cookie guilt-free seems doable enough. maybe, just maybe, this isn't some final destination trailer after all, but just a low-budget pilot for figuring out what it means to really live!

the Mayor is a busy and hardworking man on my street who has taken it upon himself to police us little people from his house on the hill.

I used to be really good friends with his daughter. growing up we were always together, I was over their house a lot like she was over mine so I'm not really sure what made him lose his mind.. perhaps he got old. maybe he was always crazy and was born with it.. I remember hearing about his brother who lost his mind MANY years back, apparently his brother beat a few men senseless.. all went to the hospital except for one... then he went to jail.

I remember all the times the people littering would drive him crazy. all the times he got in his car and followed people to their homes to throw the garbage they dropped into their car windows or on their lawns, how he made large colorful signs and found ways to zip tie garbage cans to the stop signs and telephone poles on the corners.

I remember hearing about his daughter... from his daughter, my friend, and I was so confused. I thought she was talking about herself in third person until I realized she had a sister much older than her that went to the same school as I did and who ran away from home because her parents were way too crazy. she said that her room was originally a different room but as soon as her sister left, climbing through the window and out onto the deck, they redid the room and moved her in there, putting big things like trees and a gazebo to block the windows. she said from that point on her parents were different, they hovered and lingered more, they pulled her out of school and enrolled her in expensive private school, blaming the public school for not only her sister's disobedience but probably the sister's gayness as well. I remember her parents installing cameras around the inside of their house as well as secretly having spyware in the TV's, phones and computers to record times, conversations, passwords.... she found out because we shared account information for a game that we were playing together so sometimes I would go on her character to collect things for her or level her up, vice versa. she said that whenever one of her friends would comment about a sign on at a weird time for her she would just assume it was me... until she signed on my account to help me out by collecting when I got punished for something I didn't do or deserve. she had never signed on my account before so she thought everything was ok.... then her mom, the same lady who would slap her openly in a store or yell and embarrass her in front of classmates and friends, asked her if she had anything to say for herself.. anything she was hiding or lying about. of course she was confused, she had no idea what was happening and her mother probably didn't explain anything either. she ended up grounded and started to ask to use my phone and computer more often, even when we were over her house. She admitted to me that she was using my stuff to talk to some guy she had a crush on and that she hid the number of an unapproved guy in the hole in her wall she got from kicking a soccer ball in the house. when her dad found out the whole only got bigger, he called that kid countless times over a week threatening him and then made a deal with her that if he would answer her call and talk to them they would allow her to see him again but of course he never answered the phone. gradually we stopped hanging out with all the activities they had her doing but at some point I had graduated from school and she was going to too. They were going to throw this huge party for her and invite their friends and family but days before he flipped out on my family about our fence.

At the time, before we even knew about plans for a party.. it was Spring and we had wanted to replace the rotted out pieces of fence before the dogs got out. We weren't going to ask for money but since it was originally his fence that he put and we shared that one side, we figured it would be safe just to let them know. From what I heard it went well, the mayor had said he wanted to fix it but with him being a really good handyman and master carpenter his back was shot, he asked for some time, again no worries we weren't asking him to fix it or anything. we actually needed more time to decide on the fence since we were going to go for the full perimeter fence and not just at one side or section. he said nothing about a party and nothing about not having money, we weren't even asking for money.

weeks went by and with no word from him we decided to go ahead and order the fence. it took days to be delivered and once it was delivered it look another few days to put it up ourselves. they didn't offer help or money, we didn't ask. we did it fast like that not only for our dogs but also not to really inconvenience anyone. just as we finished the fence and planting some of the plants and flowers we got it had started raining hard so we went inside. apparently this bothered the mayor. it rained the rest of the day... let's say it was a Sunday with work the next day, obviously no one came out for the rest of the night to do anything with the fence. the next day, Monday all day people would be working.. at least on our side. the mayor can't work long with his back apparently.

we came back home to the mayor's wife waiting for us. she nicely but very awkwardly said that we should finish the fence because they were going to be having a party Friday. we apologized for the inconvenience and finished the fence, planting some more before it got dark and rained again. the same thing happened, the mayor was unhappy thinking we left garbage for him to clean or didn't care much about his property even though it was raining. Tuesday it rained so the progress was halted but Wednesday we went back after work to fix a panel of the fence, we were even nice enough to plant some flowers on their side of the fence, put some dirt and fertilizer with grass seed down too ..yeah it wouldn't grow until later but it was something right? we were happy with the job on both sides and sealed the fence again, officially done with the fence. no one said anything, no one gave money... the next day Wednesday or Thursday he went out there and ripped all the flowers we planted on his side out, he moved all the dirt away and blew the seeds away. we didn't say anything to them about it. they got ready for their party on Friday and partied all weekend long... some time during the next week he typed out an anonymous note with all of our transgressions from living next to them and put it in our mailbox. we knew it was him right away and when we asked him about it he played dumb and then him and my stepdad had a screaming match outside. for the next few days he would randomly walk out on his deck, yell out of his house windows or from his porch "YOU'RE MAKING ME FIGHT WITH MY FAMILY" and play loud music in his house and in his yard and cars. he would prank call the police like if we were doing it and set off his car alarms and put car alarms at all hours too. to this day he's never apologized, his wife never apologized or said anything about his behavior, same like his daughter. I thought at the very least she would say something but no. he's dead to us, they all are.. but his behavior has only gotten worse. he's nitpicked other neighbors and sent them letters and had screaming matches in the front yard.. to the point where he messed with a Mexican and you had ALLLLL the Spanish from the area on our block and in his yard at 3am shirtless, chasing him around screaming... even the Spanish women were out there cursing them while holding their kids.

My boyfriend has been going through his hardest times, he lost his brother by a car accident, and he lost track of the criminal he was chasing after for more than a year, furthermore he was standing at the edge of the rooftop yesterday night— I swear I knew what that dark look on his face meant

In fact I was dumb enough to get rings already :(

But should I propose now with that high risk of getting rejected or should I wait until next year or whenever he feels better? Because I’m sure if I propose to him now, he’s going to throw dishes at me and shout at me so that he can feel better, and trust me I’m not in a toxic relationship…

I was watching nana edits, it's an amazing anime and I love it. Gonna get a tattoo. While I was watching it tho..my lamp blinked 3 or 4 times. I thought the power was gonna go out but nothing else in my room was doing that. Not the fan or anything. It stopped, idk why but it kinda felt like a kind ghost just letting their presence be known. I feel like a ghost, it feels like my friends and family have their relationships figured out and feel connected. I wish I had something like that. When I wanna die, I think about my sister and the playlist I made when I think about her. I watch videos about girls losing their older brother. Sometimes I really do just wanna leave earth, like right now, it feels good to finally let my feelings out like this. When I think about dying, it's silly but I think of a hot guy and he's my boyfriend, kissing him and stuff, that's all I want during my last moments, I'd be pretty content. I don't think anyone would really care THAT much if I killed myself. I would plan but I try not to let myself get to that level. I'm also a degenerate which doesn't help during dark times, like they're having fulfilling social fun while I e-sex men or plan hookups. I feel like a doomer, that was something I was worried of becoming yet I'm just here.

I'm 18, I turn 19 this year tho. idk why but aging is scary, like nothing to do with looks or anything but it's like life is serious and I'm on a ride that I can't stop and it's gonna keep going up. It's too vast, overwhelming, I can do anything now but like what, yaknow. I guess that's why I just resorted to sexual shit. I don't like this vast dull feeling tho, idk how to stop it, it's like stopping from being happy about shit I'm supposed to be happy about. Like I'm graduating this year, I got the hairstyle I finally wanted, gonna get a job, gonna start my career, gonna party, club, concert, dance, travel. I don't understand why my happiness isn't here...

How could I have ended up alone? I tried to do everything right with others. I tried to fit in with others. I tried to do everything to connect, and I still haven't succeeded. It can't be that at this point in my life, I've ended up alone. This is hell for me, from every perspective.

I'm envious of the friends I met, the ones I've interacted with, because they have lives, and I don't. I'm starting from scratch, like a newborn baby, except I don't have the chance to go to preschool. How do people like me want to start over? I'm looking for a new life.

It can't be that I have to settle for the life I had. In fact, I'm alone because I felt that the life I had, its relationships, were ineffective and actually harmed me in terms of my development, in terms of my ideals of taking care of myself, of my spirituality.

I was building a life based on trampling on that, however, I found it wasn't the path, because it didn't allow me to be free, to be critical, to be aware of what was happening in my life. It was like being at the mercy of injustice, of unconsciousness, and there's nothing worse than that. I feel that's why I stayed alone, because I didn't support those kinds of thoughts. My goal in life was to be conscious and to defend that no matter what, and frankly, I'm proud of it.

Unlike when I started writing, I'm happy to be alone if it means keeping a distance from people who don't advocate for consciousness, for self-exploration, regardless of the path I have to take. And I have to say, even in these, therapists have been a hindrance, which is why I also had to keep my distance. To this day, I'm glad to have recognized that both this environment and this help, in the end, only advocated for a defective, half-baked, and non-holistic development.

Without a doubt, many of your lives are filled with girlfriends, friends, and well-paying jobs. However, I need to point out, they are prisons, at which point you have decided to sell your conscience in exchange for conformity, in exchange for receiving defense and a position of power by following a trend in which other people are also involved, and not being alone when faced with a situation. Of course, all of this is based on not believing in yourself, and it's just the opposite; it's the starting point I want for my life.

Indeed, being alone, unlike in your case, which means having deliberately disconnected from relationships, in my case represents the constant reinforcement of my belief in myself, as a starting point, to safeguard my life. Without a doubt, this prevents me from being attentive to others. I will be attentive when there are commitments, but in the meantime, I won't. It's interesting to have them, but you also have to admit that they are out of your control, and they are better when they happen spontaneously.

I feel sorry for myself for reaching this point of remaining alone solely to strengthen my spirituality and allow life to move forward completely naturally, allowing it to be contemplated as such. Creating artificial moments is precisely covering up those spiritual points that need to be worked on, and that's what I don't want; I need to develop them in order to achieve this goal with spirituality. Now I understand why I have the life I have.

It must be said, in the midst of this accumulation, which indeed pressures and makes one feel overwhelmed, many take advantage of it to make suggestions, which is simply a way of taking advantage of a development of ideas, a boiling point of ideas, to gain a follower. This is an attack on their development, on their individuality.

I live in india from childhood I had severe anxiety issues , but it worsened from age 8 when I was medically diagnosed with thyroid and other hormonal imbalance meds and other remedies were too much for me as a child but endured as my parents were really concerned from them spends too much on my meds cause my condition sometimes worsens but at age 16 due to my incorporating roomates i was confirmed as OCD and depression it get cooled down at a point but till then I was already 17 and due to my health the result on my academics got bad. I asked my parents for 1 year drop as I can't give my open college entrance exam so somehow I thought I should use that one year to go in an excellent college and become successful and till time I will improve my skills but they didn't agree due to some called society opinion and now stu k on zu h a college whose name is only famous by publicity but not with education and faculty as it was my last option I had to move i thought may be faculty must be good but the here is also a ratta fixation and teachers don't teach properly didn't get our sem syllabus,HOD is a kind of person who doesn't take our studies seriously also this attendence survival game , too much assigments , frequent fest and then exam I am also a practical person who learns and understand by experiments but they only focus on unnecessary theory. Arguments with parents frequently by which this being time pass i truly got mentally sick again also migraines by this baseless study I feel like I can't become upto my parents expectation as an eldest one but I truly want to die or some kind of miracle happens.

My family is messed up. We weren’t the perfect family but we loved each other, we supported each other however everything went downhill when my father lost his job unfairly a while ago. Since then there has been constant fights, our relatives cornered us because we don’t really have any “importance” anymore. And to make matters worse our dad cheated on our mom! He swore on us that he would never do that ever again but 8 months later, me and my sibling caught him doing it again! How wonderful.

My mom can’t even divorce him and leave because my mom never really got to finish her university education and does not have the financial stability. Me and my younger sibling are still students thus we are still UPSETTINGLY dependent on him, even though I do part time jobs it can’t ever be enough to cover up the costs.

I don’t understand, he says we don’t give him time but we try despite our busy schedule as students. I have to manage scholarships + 2 tuitions + my own studies together which barely gives me time to sleep but I still try to be there for them, all of my siblings do and so does my mom. But it is never enough for him. He is a good dad but god I don’t even want to keep connections with him after I leave this household.

I feel hopeless at this point, I wish I could run away with my siblings to a happier place away from my family nonsense. I genuinely wish my parents never got married and had us, sometimes it feels like it’s making everyone miserable.

For about a year or two I have suspected that I am undiagnosed neurodivergent, specifically ADHD and autism. I have always had major trust issues and that causes making and maintaining relationships to be a struggle. I am an only child, but my parents are.... something else. They consistantly make me feel down about myself, and often will tell me to "grow up" when I have a meltdown, as well as many other things that can be considered emotional abuse and trauma, especially from a neurospicy pov. i cannot tell them my suspicions, or how they were formed, as they will just dismiss them and/or get mad and me, tell me to stop looking for attention, and stop making stuff up. they also do not understand any of my personal life, as i have to mask and shield to keep them away from it, because i do not feel comfortable sharing anything with them. like my situationship, for example. there's this person who i have liked for months now. and there are many, many signs that they like me as well. unfortunately, the school year just ended without either of us doing anything about it, and now i have to wait three months to see them again, with only a very slight chance at seeing them in the next week or two.

I've been struggled with depression since I was in grade 3 or 4. I didn't know what "depression" is until I grew up. And now, I'm still dealing with it every single days.

So i'm currently in my final year in university, i have a lot of things to worry about included my family, my future jobs, my future life,... so i sometimes feel overwhelm. In the final year, you're usually go to a company or an office to start your internship, right? Me too, but things didn't work out like I planned. My step-dad said that he can handle this because of his "wide networks" so he can find me a good place for my internship. It was the government's office, i didn't like it at first but still accept it because it related to my major. But people at the office didn't welcome me because they saw me entering the office as a "nuisance" or "this girl is good for nothing, only rely on her dad relationship". Then they made things hard for me to get my CV accepted. So right now, I still didn't get my internship, meanwhile, all the students in my uni are starting their owns. My friends too, they talked about how cool and lively their work environment are. It made me feel embarrased and bored. Not to mention, if I don't get my internship, I'll have to re-do my class ONE MORE YEAR. And I can't graduate on time.

Also, I'm kinda lost these days. I missed all the plan I've made and rot in bed days after days. Even tho in my head, I know I should get rid of those bad hanits of mine but I just can't find the motivation for it. And my mother tended to force me on doing houseworks instead of letting me go out for fresh air. She said i have to take care of my younger brothers and the house. And whenever i do something that trigger her, she'll beat me and scream at me with harsh words. I've been like this since I was in Kintergarden🫠 well she even said "i wish you were never born to me" so yea, i'm used to it. You may think I'm weak or helpless but that's just how I deal with my life. I still live til this day, but I'm not sure I can keep up with living like this anymore.

I have two grown boys. Their dad was abusive. My parents were self centered. I lived a whole life not talking about myself and now I am middle aged and find that I let everyone else tell my story. I find that the only things my kids (and most people) know about me are the things they were told by other people, and those people (I am finding) were very unreliable. There is safety in anonymity but it is also very lonely. My children don't know who I really am. Family fills in the blanks with their own assumptions because they don't understand what motivates me or inspires me. Now that I see this pattern, I am trying to fix it first by letting my children know about me and my history. It is scary- speaking up about myself. But it would be scarier to leave the earth without anybody understanding me. We all want to be seen, at least a little bit, by the people who matter to us.