Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I used to be a happy and loving person, always smiling, always happy to work my job. But ever since gambling was introduced to my life, all of that Changed. Work has been getting hard to do, I hate seeing other people, I hate doing anything. I just want to die.

I've lost faith in God, i've lost faith in friendship, relationships, even parents. Because nothing has ever helped me.

I Know it's mostly my fault, I don't blame anyone or anything. But I'm sick of living this way.

someone please, I want to stop, Please.

Hey girls & boys!

I am 19 and I am a woman. I have been with my boyfriend for six months. He is also 19. We are young and we try to be kind. Recently we had sex for the first time. It was my first time ever. I did not like it. I hated it. I tried again after. I still hated it. Every time after that I felt the same. It feels like work to me. I feel tired before and after. I feel pressure even when he is sweet. I like him a lot. I like his laugh. I like walking with him. I like texting dumb things at night. Sex is not that for me. I feel broken for saying that. A friend once said, “your body knows before your head.” I think about that a lot. I am polite about it with him. I smile. I try. I do not cry in front of him. I am hopeful because I am young 🙂 I also read posts online and people say it gets better. Maybe. But right now I dread it. I keep asking myself if this is normal. I keep asking if I am doing something wrong.

I remember the first time clearly. It was planned. Music was on. He was nervous. I was more nervous. I told myself to be brave. I told myself this is what couples do. It hurt a bit. It felt strange. Not romantic like movies. Not magical like people say. After, I felt empty. I did not feel closer. I felt further. I felt like I was pretending. The other times were similar. Sometimes worse. Sometimes I counted seconds. I feel bad saying this. He asks if I am okay. I say yes. I hate lying but I hate hurting him more. Someone online wrote, “sex is communication.” I do not feel heard there. I feel small. I feel like I owe something. I wonder if that is love. I wonder if love can be without sex. I am not angry. I am just confused. I am polite to myself too, I try. I keep a small notebook. I write things like, maybe later, maybe different, maybe not.

I ask myself the question in the title a lot. Is sex important in a relationship. People say yes. People say no. People say it depends. I think it depends on the people. I want to talk to him. I want to be honest soon. I am scared but hopeful. I believe relationships can grow. I believe consent is daily. I believe comfort matters. A quote I like says, “love is patience.” I hope that is true for us. I am not broken. I am learning. I am allowed to dislike things. I am allowed to ask for time; Do you think a relationship can be strong without sex for a while. Do you think love should wait. I want answers but I also want peace. I hope we find a way that feels good for both of us.

I'm almost 30. I swear I tried my absolute hardest to make a life for myself I wouldn't regret. I remember even from middle school age want to not-regret anything. I tried to make meaningful connections, do well in school, and be true to my desires.

I wanted a career I could be proud of, friendships and family I could count on, and most of all to fall in love.

I worked and worked and worked. I got into dental school and worked even harder. I hope you can understand how hard this was for me. I'm not naturally gifted. But I got through and graduated. I have at least a job now. I know that's good. But it's absolutely not enough. I thought if I fought my hardest I could make a life I love. But all I have is an empty life I hate.

My family cannot understand how I'm unmarried at this age. They are traditional and I have Indian heritage for context. My younger brother recently got married. After this my single status was very difficult for them to accept. I think now, they view me as unmarriable.

I have significant debt due to the cost of my education. I have full confidence I can pay it off within 4 years. But it is a constant source of stress for me.

I became very depressed during my education. And I have been diagnosed with major depression for 8 years. I did not take this lying down. I went to therapists. I'm seeing a therapist now. I've tried many medications. I've tried acupuncture, spiritual healing, and exercise/diet changes. But I couldn't shake it.

I have one good friend. But to be very honest with you they are someone who asks me for money consistently. I feel pathetic saying it, but it's the truth.

I think there is no escaping this terrible life. There is no chance for me to live happily now.

I know many many people are suffering in the same way I am. And my heart aches for them.

I want to know. Is there anyone who has been this low and found a good life after this? In my opinion, I am terminally ill and I fear there is no hope for me. I would appreciate any advice or perspectives.

It’s not a love story, but it honestly sounds like the beginning of a romance book. Here it goes, it may be lengthy.

Three months after I started my job, one night a guy walked in. Never seen him before and he walked up smiling at me, all confident. I gave him our rewards card and we were making a lot of eye contact but I tend to do that to a lot of people so I wasn’t really thinking much of it.

He came in again the next day, I picked up the shift last minute or I think a few days before. I can’t really remember but I just know I that I wasn’t originally scheduled. He walked in, holding eye contact with me the whole time then he walked to get a drink and came up to the counter. I greeted him, he said hey back. Started the transaction, noticed he had a crack on his phone in the shape of a bullet. As if someone had shot his screen and I pointed it out then asked how it happened. He told me then started telling me about how he just moved here but I wasn’t hip yet :( Finished and as he was walking away, he turned around and said “bye”.

A week passed and I was clocked out ordering food and I heard a voice, looked up and he was standing at the counter! I looked back at the ordering screen and as he was leaving, I seen him look at me out the corner of his eye.

Two weeks passed, I was on cash register for about 3 days in a row and I got annoyed with dealing with people so midway through my shift I asked a coworker if he wanted to switch stations. I be in kitchen while he’s on register. I’m in the kitchen for about 30 minutes and while I’m making a pizza, I get an order for chicken tenders. Look behind me, no one is standing at the screens. Then as i’m cutting the pizza, I just randomly look up and he’s standing first in line at the cash register. It was a long line because we were busy with people but only had two food orders which was not common at all. So when I noticed him, I will admit that I tried to go up there and “help” with the line to see him up close but another coworker was already there helping. Walked backed to the kitchen and not even a minute later, he’s walking towards the dining area, sits on the table in the middle that looks directly into the kitchen. My heart starts racing and I don’t know why! It’s never like this not even when I am dating guys. I was too shy to say anything to him. As I’m bagging his order, he’s up asking if it’s his before I can even print the label. I nod my head yes and we’re just looking at each other while exchanging the bag. He said “Thank you, bye” starts walking, turns around and says “I appreciate you”.

Another two weeks, It’s a rainy evening and there’s no customers in the store so I go to the back and get containers to restock some things and as i’m heading back, there’s two people in line. An older guy and a guy in a hoodie and beanie. The older guy is asking for help to set up his rewards account so I tell hoodie so can take him at the next register. I ask to scan his rewards and notice the bullet crack so I said “you’re the bullet guy”. and he smiled and said “yeah” but he wasn’t making eye contact anymore so I thought I made him uncomfortable and just finished the transaction in silent. He left.

ANOTHER TWO WEEKS!!!! I picked up a shift I know for sure was last minute because it was more recently. About two hours after clocking in, i’m sweeping an isle and look to my left and there’s a guy just looking at me from over a shelf. We stared at each other for about 5 seconds then I looked down then did a double take because I recognized him and he smiled so big and waved then I smiled back while waving then he walked towards a girl… ummm okay!

I seen him a few times after that but I never interacted with him because I wasn’t on cash register and I thought he had a gf so I never went out of my way to talk to him like I originally planned to on the day he smiled at me.

Then end of January I met a guy I started talking to, him and I only lasted two months, that’s a different story. But a few days after I met him, the guy came into my job. Eye contact on heavy but honestly I didn’t want to look at him because he’s so beautiful and I can’t hide my eyes. He came up the corner all like “Heyyyy,” and smiling and I said hey back and we started the transaction. As I was bagging his items, he started to help me and grabbed the bag. Before leaving said, “Thank you, thank you… I really appreciate you… Have a good night” that was odd from him. The “…” doesn’t do the pauses he did justice, it was more dramatic irl. Did some thinking and I came to the conclusion that he probably wanted to ask me something but changed his mind?? Idk

Three months passed and it’s now April. My job cut my hours a lot mid February and i was working one day a week every other week, it was brutal. For four hours at that! I got hired at a new job and decided to work my last day which was on a random Thursday when I am usually scheduled only on Wednesdays. I get to work, guy is no longer on my mind. I made up my mind that I was probably never going to see him again. My friend was on cash register but she was doing task so I was asked to take over. An hour later, he walks in and the sun is shining right on his face lmao, I know I sound crazy but that’s how dramatic it was! We noticed each other at the same time! Then i noticed that he walked in with a girl but a different girl and not to sound even more crazy but this girl lowkey resembled me. First girl didn’t at all, it’s like his typed changed.

They get their items and as I’m helping a lady in line they get behind her and I swear I can feel his eyes on me but I think everyone is looking at me so I don’t pay it no mind. She leaves, they walk up, placed their items on the counter. He places his drink in the middle of the counter, she places hers on the edge super close to her then folds her arms. When people do that, they’re usually paying separate so that’s what I originally thought. I almost told him his total but decided to ask if he was paying for her and he was so I went to grab the drink then reached for the candy bar the same time he did and our hands touched. First time we ever made contact.

I just, like why on my last day?! It doesn’t make sense! I don’t see him for months then on my last day he comes in and we touch hands now I can’t get this thought out of my mind like it was fate. I was never the one to believe in fate but like this doesn’t make sense. I’ve never had interactions like this, with the same person multiple times ever in my life. I’ve had crushes and i’ve found men attractive but my body never reacted to them the way it does to this stranger! Idek his name and i can hardly remember his face but i still can’t stop thinking about him. I don’t like it. I can’t tell anyone im close to about this because then they’ll think im crazy. I already think im crazy. idk i just had to vent. i have a feeling that we’re going to run into each other again out in the wild but then i feel crazy for thinking that.

So me and my girlfriend hav been dating for around 5 months and it's been amazing I've never felt happier. Until recently she's become really obsessive and stopping me from going out with friends and family because when I do she tells me that I'm ignoring her and threatens to hurt herself and a bunch of other stuff. I love her to bits but her change has really put me out of it and idk what to do

I’m so sorry you had to have me. I’m sorry I’m not any better. If I could walk out a door and it would mean that your life would be free of me, I would do it. I’m sorry I’m such a lazy kid. I can’t help it, mommy. Your daughter is so so tired. I’m pretty sure I have depression, but I can never get diagnosed. I’m sorry mommy. I’m such a rebel. I’m sorry for ignoring you. I’m sorry for being a burden. I’m sorry I never follow what you say. Sorry for staring at you in a mean way. Sorry for ever being born and ruining your teenage years. You never deserved that. You deserve your freedom. Now, I’m sorry if one day I ever decide that I want to go and disappear for forever. I don’t see a future for myself, mommy. It’ll just be my siblings with you along the way, and if you ever cry on the day that I die, I’m sorry for breaking your heart.

I don’t know why, but everything I do is wrong for some reason. If i unintentionally do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, move wrong, I get yelled at.

Only a few days ago, I had a few things lying around. I didn’t have to time to clean yet, I’ve been busy with school and work. Ofcourse, I got hit. It doesn’t hurt but it’s scary. Everytime I hear them yelling, I’m scared that they’ll come up to me and hit me, even if I did nothing wrong. I just can’t help but freeze or even flinch when they raise their hand at me yet they still wonder why I refuse to hug them anymore, like to be near anyone or for others to be in my space.

I often prefer to be at school rather than at home. I dread going home, I like it at school. I’ve recently gotten a really good review on my behavior. They told me I was an outstanding student. I liked it. My parents don’t ever tell me that because im not good enough to them and i know it.

Sometimes, i wonder if the reason why i hate personal touch within my family is something that I struggle with mentally, but don’t know about yet. I’m just really conflicted. I honestly can’t wait for the day I turn eighteen. Only a year to go. I really want to move out as soon as I can.

I've reached a point where I really need some advice from outside my circle. Our school's athletic trainer, Laura, who joined staff two years ago, has always seemed exceedingly stern to me. Initially, I misjudged her demeanor as overly harsh, perhaps even aggressive. However, it turns out, she was merely insisting on basic respect. This became evident during a school meeting where numerous incidents involving her were reviewed. They even showed video footage from the school's security cameras, reassuring every parent there that the area was monitored.

The video revealed that the students behaved terribly towards her, often resorting to insults when she enforced rules. One incident stuck with me: a student required to take off their shoes for a balance test threw a tantrum when asked to comply. Eventually, the student removed their shoes but not without hurling a barrage of insults at Laura. Moreover, some parents unfairly criticized her for these actions.

Now, my daughter, Julie, who is a 15-year-old sophomore, is caught in a similar situation. She needed to complete a concussion test this winter to continue cheering. Laura had organized a practice session and scheduled specific times for each student to meet in her office. Unfortunately, Julie missed her allotted slot and tried to see Laura at the end of the day as she was about to leave.

Laura, sticking to her policy, refused to conduct the test then, which I found reasonable. Embarrassingly, Julie threw a significant fit over this. Now, Laura is on vacation, and until she returns, Julie can't perform her cheer routines, missing out on a lot of activities, especially with the upcoming Thanksgiving festival.

Julie is furious and wants me to challenge the school's decision. I declined, especially after viewing the security footage and seeing Julie's disrespectful behavior towards Laura. My wife disagrees and believes we should fight the decision, leading them both to think I'm being unreasonable.

There's genuine frustration at home now. But I keep thinking, what if our family drama was part of a reality show? Certainly, viewers might be divided. Some would likely argue that enforcing discipline teaches important life lessons, while others might feel sympathy towards Julie and criticize the school for not being more accommodating.

Heeeeeeelp meeeee

I am 17 I'm supposed to be at school right now but my mother is telling me to go to work in foreign country

(I'll be using country 1[ home country] and country 2 [foreign country] for anonymousy)

I'll name myself Pom for anonymousy, before going to country 2.. my mom already started treating us badly, literally a day before the flight my mom pointed a knife at my (little) sister and started hitting her with wood. I went there to shield her as I cried with her, All this because my sister refused to eat something..

In the hotel she acted like nothing happened, even calling us her "baby"

.. Once we stepped foot in country 2 we were greeted by our dad who's smiling. I didn't like it one bit, it gave me chills and those chills were a sign because

After just a few months of being in country 2, there were already shouting and fighting. We don't engage in them they engaged with us. Like the topic was supposed to be my dad's laziness then turned into me and my sisters (2) school expenses.

We got so tired we called the police on them because my father started threatening to break my (middle) sister's bones. Once we got to the police station, their tone changed to something more nice..

Us three looked crazy, fidgeting because we need to have a face to face conversation with them. But when we weren't able to we were asked to go home, because they promised they won't be sleeping in the apartment.

They lied and once we did get to the apartment and the cops were gone they re-entered the apartment and started saying so many bad thing to us.. that's when they said me and my (middle) sister should go back to country 1, like as if we didn't want to but we don't want to leave my (little) sister alone with them when they weren't the ones who would beat her up.

A day after packing, my mom came home and suddenly said "you don't need to go" I thought they would excuse their behavior for being stressed again but no she added "give me 10k" AND I LOOKED AT HER DEADASS. I don't know if I should laugh or not.

Everything died down a little after that, but..

There was a party in the apartment, just a family party one and my father who shouldn't drink started drinking (he was diagnosed with something that prevented him to drink..)

The next day my parents fought and me and my sisters went to a mall with my mom..

Again everything seems fine not until it was 3:20 I woke up from my father's singing. He was drunk again, my mother woke up and told him to shut it off

He didn't listen and said "In a bit I'd get my drugs haha" my mom was furious and asked "What?? Are you gonna grape your children too??" My dad replied "Yes, Mom's name, I will"

I was shaking in my room and texted mom to come inside the room, so he won't come in.. he didn't fortunately

And I asked my mom if we can go away from him just for a few hours and my mom reluctantly agreed. Once the few hours were up though.. and my mom wanted to go home, my father started yelling "Oy!" Repeatedly

Startled me and my sisters rushed outside. We're scared so scared..

After a month the situation has died down, but I feel uneasy.. and scared.

And even more so after my mother kept telling me to just work, because she's tired WELL I AM TOO.

She told me to stop school because im turning 18, well this is their choice.. THEY CHOOSE TO GO TO THIS COUNTRY NOW I GO BACK A GRADE, not because I'm dumb or have low grades I have a 90 on my card. It's because of the school policy.. (part1?)

sometimes, I find myself perplexed by my attraction to men. at 29, one would assume that I have gathered sufficient wisdom to navigate the dating landscape, yet here I am, grappling with a recurring frustration. my experiences with men have ranged from enriching to utterly disheartening. it's as if they oscillate between interesting conversations and exasperating behavior that leaves me questioning my choices. is it merely a matter of societal conditioning? or is there something inherently captivating about the male psyche that draws me in despite the red flags? 🤷‍♀️

more than once, I have encountered individuals who showcase traits that are both appealing and maddening. for instance, I appreciate a good sense of humor and intelligence, yet these attributes often seem to coexist with a lack of emotional maturity. it is frustrating to witness men flaunt their charm, only to retreat into a shell when the conversation turns serious. I wonder if this is a common experience or if I have a knack for attracting the emotionally unavailable. could others share their encounters? it leaves me pondering why I persist in seeking connections that feel so inconsistently rewarding. the highs are exhilarating, but they inevitably lead to lows that feel all too familiar. 😕

while I understand that every individual is unique, the patterns I observe are hard to ignore. the initial thrill of a promising date quickly dissipates into moments of uncertainty; am I asking too much? do they even realize the impact of their actions? trying to navigate this dating scene feels like an uphill battle that I am somewhat reluctant to fight, yet I continue to feel drawn to it. perhaps, I question my own motivations—what is it about men that keeps me returning for more? the search for companionship is universal, but the road to finding it feels uniquely fraught for me. maybe it's time for reflection and a deeper understanding of what I am truly seeking in this complex game of love. 💔

As a seamstress who owns her boutique, I've always cherished handcrafting wedding dresses as a special gift for my close friends. So far, I've designed two beautiful gowns fitting the unique styles of each bride. I genuinely enjoy both my profession and delighting my friends in such a meaningful way. However, my current situation is a bit complicated. I'm 26 weeks pregnant and actively reducing my workload in anticipation of my impending maternity leave, delegating major projects to my team.

Recently, my friend shared her exciting news of getting engaged, and naturally, I was thrilled for her. During our conversation, she asked if I would be creating her wedding dress. I immediately agreed, assuming there was ample time to work on her gown once she set a date. She revealed the wedding was planned for January 19th. Initially, I assumed January 19, 2026, which seemed perfectly manageable. But she corrected me—it was January 19, 2025! This left me stunned as it was just around the corner, barely five months postpartum for me.

Politely, I explained that the timeframe just wouldn't work with my maternity plans and asked if she might consider a later date if she wanted me to design her dress. She was firm on her date, and I didn’t push further, but I made it clear that under these circumstances, I couldn't commit to creating her dress.

She seemed not to grasp the amount of effort and time needed for such a task, especially questioning why I couldn’t simply make her dress during my maternity leave. In a moment of frustration, I might have been harsher than intended, questioning if she understood the stress it would entail on me while being pregnant.

This led to some tension within our friend group, as she expressed her disappointment publicly in our group chat, hinting that I played favorites and that my refusal was a clear indicator. Though I'm quite upset, a part of me feels remorseful. While I'm not confident enough to entrust my employees with the task of a full wedding gown—they're not quite there yet—I'm considering perhaps offering to design either a rehearsal or reception dress as a peace offering.

Imagine if this whole ordeal were to unfold on a reality show? The drama and tension would undoubtedly be heightened, with cameras zooming in for close-ups of the emotional exchanges. Viewers would be split, some empathizing with the pressure and health concerns I'm facing, while others might side with my friend, feeling her disappointment and interpreting my inability to commit as a personal slight.

What reaction might follow if I explained the situation on a reality show?

I'm 13 and I have had anxiety for as long as i can remember, but it was never extremely bad. But lately (the past 2 weeks) its been really bad. I have been waking up in the middle of the night sweating extremly hard, I had panick attacks alot to, and i'm sick of it. I am seeing therapist for over 4 years, and he helped me alot up until now. Can somebody please help?

i can hardly believe that I’m sitting here at 30 years old, feeling like the biggest loser on the planet. for years, I was under the impression that pouring my heart and soul into my career would eventually lead to some degree of success and fulfillment; yet, yesterday I received the delightful news that I was laid off from a job I devoted a decade to. there I was, the quintessential “successful career woman,” or at least I thought I was — no husband, no kids, nothing but a fancy job title that seems to have vanished into thin air. 👍🏽 it’s almost laughable how I’ve spent my entire adult life chasing this elusive idea of success while neglecting the more important realities of life.

what now? I sit here sipping my cold coffee, staring out the window, contemplating if I’m supposed to stick to my meticulously planned life goals. the irony is not lost on me; I envisioned a prestigious title and a plush desk, perhaps even a partner by my side, but instead I have a cat who looks equally disillusioned when I try to explain my unemployment, as if it understands my shattered dreams. my colleagues are posting job updates and accomplishments on LinkedIn, while I scroll through my feed, salty as hell, feeling like I’m living some bad joke. am I destined to be that one woman everyone remembers fondly but wonders why she never settled down? 😔

it’s truly incredible how quickly everything unravels, isn’t it? even amidst this chaos, I find myself reflecting on recent conversations with friends who often remind me that life is not merely about titles and accolades; it’s about experiences and connections. sure, it’s easier said than done when your mind is a swirling mess of doubt, but I think back to my last vacation, chilling on the beach with friends, laughing at ridiculous comparisons of our lives. I have traveled the world, but each journey was mostly solo, a grim reminder that I have yet to share these moments with someone special. still, my heart tells me there’s a silver lining; perhaps this is the universe’s way of saying, “Girl, it’s time to reinvent yourself!”; when was the last time I took a real risk, anyway?

in short, I’m determined not to let this layoff define me or my future. I’ve got a list of ideas for side hustles and things I’ve always wanted to try but shoved aside for the glorified 9-to-5 lifestyle. I’ve been meaning to explore photography again, or even consider going back to school for something totally out of the box. the possibilities are endless, or at least they seem more appealing than wallowing in self-pity. so here’s my question for you, fellow venters: how do you bounce back when life hits you hard? is there really a light at the end of this tunnel, or am I just deluding myself with false hopes? I’d love to know; it’s just me and my cat, and she isn’t much for advice. 🐱

It’s honestly one of the hardest things to talk about, and I didn’t really understand it until it happened to my best friend. Her dog, Luna, passed away two weeks ago, and I swear I’ve never seen her so heartbroken. Like full-on crying for days, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, barely wanted to talk to anyone. At first I didn’t even know what to say. I mean, what do you say when someone loses a pet that meant everything to them? People always act like it’s “just a dog” or “just a cat” but to the person who lost them, it’s like losing family. And Luna was family to her. She grew up with that dog. They did everything together—walks after school, cuddles on the couch, even birthday photos. So yeah, when Luna died, it was like something huge went missing from her world, and all I could think was, “I hope I don’t say the wrong thing.”

I made the mistake of googling stuff first, trying to find the perfect words. But all the suggestions online felt so cold or fake. Stuff like “she’s in a better place” or “at least she’s not suffering anymore.” I didn’t wanna say those things. They felt empty. So instead, I just told her I was sorry, and that I was there if she wanted to talk—or not talk. I let her cry without trying to fix it. I didn’t push her to go out or “cheer up.” I think sometimes people try too hard to take away the pain, but the truth is, grief needs time. Whether it's for a human or an animal, loss is loss. So I sat with her, even if we just stared at the wall or watched TV in silence. I brought her favorite snack and let her tell me stories about Luna, even the ones I’d heard a hundred times.

And honestly, I think that helped more than any fancy words could. Just being there, showing you care without making it about you or trying to make the sadness go away. That’s what I’ve learned so far—when someone loses a pet, you don’t need to come with a perfect speech. You just need to show up with love and patience. Let them grieve in their own way. One of the only things I did say that felt right was, “She was lucky to have you.” And my friend cried even more when I said that, but not in a bad way. I think it helped her know that Luna’s life was full of love, and that she gave her dog the best she could. That kinda thing matters. Sometimes we blame ourselves, thinking maybe we could’ve done more. So hearing someone else say “you did good” can really make a difference.

Now that it’s been a little while, she’s still sad, but it’s not as heavy as before. She’s started smiling again, even laughing sometimes. I think she’s gonna be okay, but I know she’ll always miss Luna. And that’s okay too. Pets aren’t just pets. They’re companions, comfort, joy, and unconditional love all rolled into one. Losing them is real grief, and it deserves real compassion. So if you’re ever in that position, where someone you care about has lost their furry best friend—just be gentle. Say you’re sorry, listen more than you talk, and don’t rush them to move on. Grief isn’t a straight line, and love doesn’t end just because someone is gone. Whether they barked, purred, or squeaked—if they were loved, they mattered. And that’s all anyone needs to hear.

Omg I don’t even know what to do. Like, I feel so freaking guilty but at the same time I don’t even know if I should tell him. My bf doesn’t know… and maybe it’s better that way? I swear I never meant for this to happen. I love him, like for real love him. But it was just one night, and it didn’t even mean anything. It was so stupid. We had this fight, nothing crazy but I was mad, and he was being all distant so I went out with my friends. And then there was this guy… I didn’t even like him like that, but we were drinking and talking and idk, it just happened. One second we were just laughing and then the next… I don’t even wanna say it. I keep telling myself it was just a mistake, just a dumb moment that don’t matter, but every time I see my bf I feel like the worst person alive.

I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do. If I tell him, it’s gonna ruin everything. He’s not the kind of guy who just forgives something like this. He’s gonna hate me. And I don’t blame him. I hate me too. But if I don’t tell him, then what? I just pretend like nothing happened? Every time he tells me he loves me I feel like he wouldn’t if he really knew me. And what if someone else tells him? Like what if one of my friends lets it slip or something?? Omg I would die. I keep thinking maybe I should just tell him first, but then I think about the look on his face and I just… can’t.

I keep going back and forth. Sometimes I think, ok, it was just a mistake, I love him, we can move past it. But then sometimes I feel like I don’t even deserve him anymore. Like, maybe I should just break up with him before he finds out, maybe that would be easier. But I don’t want to lose him. I just wish I could go back to that night and undo everything. But I can’t. And now I have to live with it, whether he knows or not.