Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I have this friend, Carly, who’s 23 and we've been tight ever since our freshman days back in high school. She’s been chasing her musical dreams in LA lately. Carly always had a knack for writing; she even got her degree from a reputable private liberal arts college in California, majoring in Creative Writing. Most of us who know her well were betting she’d go into songwriting. However, Carly decided to take on singing instead. She's already dropped three singles and has an album in the pipeline, but honestly, they're just not good. Her vocal timbre really doesn’t cut it—it’s rather flat and nasal, plus she has this odd way of modulating her pitch. Watching her perform live is even more of a struggle. The crowd of friends she's made in LA keep cheering her on, telling her she’s phenomenal. I’m just worried about how far their praises will carry her before someone in the business pulls the plug and tells her straight up, “you can’t sing.”

What worries me more is thinking what if she ever ended up on one of those reality singing shows? Like, imagine her getting up there with that same supportive crowd, only to face the harsh critiques from seasoned judges in front of a national audience. Could you just imagine the humiliation? It’s hard enough seeing her wade through local gigs, but that level of exposure and raw feedback could really break her.

How does one deal with this? Is it kinder to let her keep dreaming while everyone around nods and smiles, or would a true friend intervene before the reality becomes too painful? Waiting it out seems like watching a ticking time bomb. Is sitting back really the answer?

I feel like everything's strange since she's been in my life—well, them. Everything's strange. I feel like I can't write calmly. I'm afraid of straying from the norm they want. When I post things on my social media where they're not present, I feel like they're watching me. Also, when I write, I feel like they're pressuring me to keep me insistent when I write, and so they can accuse me of being pushy, obsessive, or something like that.

I don't feel good around her. Her boyfriend is an arrogant person who likes to make others feel bad, and he's also extremely violent, and about things that connect with his past and aren't really a topic of conversation. With her, I feel like every time she has the chance to criticize me for something, once I'm comfortable, she just does it; first she gives in, and then she leaves, pretending to act in ways that keep me quiet or keep me unaware of the issue.

I don't know why these people wanted to associate with me. I feel the hugs from her boyfriend are absolutely fake. Once, I felt like she pulled me in for a hug, and I felt like she was going to accuse me of being a stalker, a pervert. These people really don't give me a good feeling.

I was with her once and said goodbye, thinking she was going to come with me, but no, it turned out she left with her work group. However, when I said goodbye to them, they displayed a strange, absorbing silence. They gave me the impression they were upset with me because of a possessive spirit. Frankly, I acted like nothing was happening, but it really seemed strange to me. Added to this is the fact that several of them, the women in that work group, seem extremely expressive and confident, leaving it up to you to decide whether they're looking for something or not. More than once, I half-assedly tried to get closer to see what the outcome would be, only to be met with rejection, which I dodged. Of course, this group likes to provoke when something gets out of order, invading the normalcy with which they treat you. That order consisted of everything regarding its members being consensual. For God's sake, it's a work group! How can they pretend to be like that?! They seem like those typical dysfunctional families, who are meddlesome in everything related to their members, and like things the way they like them, so as not to lose profits.

The disorder was palpable. Furthermore, that girl liked to encourage her boyfriend to get into situations that always bordered on the limits, provoking others, while being complacent when it came to coworkers. It seemed that her bosses, somehow, maintained the situation or had gotten used to it.

I also didn't like that girl was insinuating things about her relationship, saying that things were going badly, and at the same time treating her as if he were her husband or something. On top of that, she expressed that her environment put too much pressure on her; I saw her numerous times.

What I found in those people was a complete disaster. A total disaster. I don't want them in my life. They are invasive, they provoke others, they push boundaries, and no one does anything to prevent these situations. What this seems to me is a group of victims, who also like to have order in everything around them, with everything they interact with, typical of victims. Furthermore, this is at a prestigious university. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The overload, due to the excesses, is becoming degrading to me. I have to get away from all these people immediately.

I will definitely leave some things behind, however, I will not be in a place where this behavior is encouraged. Besides, it was the university where I studied. I wondered, how could they have ruined it like this? For me, it was practically a luxury, even though I am Catholic. And it is also one of the best in the country. This had to be a nightmare. I wondered, "Where were the priests?" Besides, if the place where I worked, and where I observed the scenes with her boyfriend, was the library, what were they like in other places that are less important to students? I feel like there's no room for peace there, no way. I wanted to have a good time, to be comfortable, but under these relationships, under these people, it's impossible because I have to move as they please. I understand why they chose to associate with me, with extreme kindness. For me, my beloved university, being that library where I liked to study and it was the best place for that, was completely lost.

I felt each of those employees using their positions purely to socialize, instead of using them to work. She sometimes neglected her responsibilities; I had to remind her of her duties. The most horrible thing is that her boyfriend was a sexist... I honestly wanted to die. I can't believe what I witnessed.

I couldn't finish 3 of my exams. I couldn't the last 2 questions of biology, I couldn't finish 1 section in Hindi, and I couldn't finish half the paper in maths. I will fail even all the subjects. Maybe I didn't study enough for all of them. I'm a failure to everyone. I'm a failure in life. I don't have friends, I studied but I didn't have practice, I'm apparently rude to everyone and everything, I can't even draw like my beloved artists, I can't do art in the future because you'll replace me, and I won't pass school next year. It may be the second term and I have one more, but it's not enough. I'm not enough. I've never been. The list should've helped me because I would've been a great human, not the defective fetus my parents were given. That's all I am. Failure. Always will be, unless I figure out a way to just stop. Stop harming others with this mess, because my existence of failing alone is bad.

Nobody wants a failure, nobody wants to fail. Because look where failure got others. People failed to check the reactor core of Chernobyl, many people of Ukraine and other countries died. Someone scored very low in school, he was held back a year and continues like that, even though he's happy now. Someone failed a driving test, so they never drive again because they probably ran over someone. Someone failed an exam, and their parents beat the hell out of them or they get horrible treatment. Someone out there failed to get his family any food in a poor village and they die. See? Failure hurts and it destroys. I hate it when books tell kids in school failure should help you learn. It helped me learn to not fail and resent it. My parents may have been fine, but I don't care. I'm a failure, and I should leave the house because I said so. Dad's right when he says lots of Indian families hate failure, I should too. He's not right when he says it's not good.

Look where it fucking got me. I feel like I failed in everything. How am I gonna make it in this world? I won't. If I fail in one more thing, I'm a useless child. I hate it when they say you can learn and do better from failure. I hate it when dad says not to fear failure. Look where failure got others in the real world! Death! Destruction! Famine! Held back a year! Abuse! More death! This will happen to me. It will. Didn't failure hurt them?

That's why I'm a problem. I may have been born by loving parents, but right now I feel like they secretly hate me, even though they seem fine. I burnt everything I touched, maybe this fail is it. I failed at maintaining 1 friend, at succeeding exams, at being nice and humorous, at being smart, at looking good and being in the trend, many things. I'm pathetic. I'm the worst thing ever to happen. Why even though I studied I couldn't finish the paper? I'm too slow like a snail, that is! I hate it when my mom said not to think on her behalf. Making predictions is what we do. So even if she scored 5th topper IN SCHOOL, why is she telling me she also failed? It's a lie! Farce! She's lying that she failed. She's not showing love, it's a story she cooked out of her ass. If I hate myself, I'll get better. I'm a worthless, useless, piece of shit, vagina candle smelling, stupid, pig-like, hairy, baboon-ish creature who deserves to not live for all her fucking failures.

I went to my school carnival, it was fine, I guess. There were many people, and I only went there to buy some merch and stuff. I saw my classmates, said hi to a few of them, but otherwise I didn't do anything with them because they had their own groups doing their things, but I think I dressed well and I got a strawberry keychain, a small Amazonite tumble, and some stickers of K-Pop Demon Hunters and a chemistry version of "Iconic" with moments captured, to say, "Iconic moments captured". But yeah, it was fine, mom got some magnets, my brother hung out with his friends. Honestly, my loneliness now felt more hollow than sad. I told my mom maybe I was destined to be a hermit, and she said, "Even they live, and stop whining. We need to get something." And when I told her no one really greeted me, not that I expected them anyways since I belong in the garbage, she said, "It'll take time, please." Take time, it took 7 years. When we came home after a nice Oriental meal, it was really filling, mom noticed I end up scratching myself way more due to my eczema, and mom admitted she knew why because it gives relief, but when I told her I also do this because when everything goes to hell, I don't have friends, I score low in exams, I stop drawing, scratching is the only thing I'm good at. Mom looked at me weird, told me I live a privileged life, and that when her parents split she was worse off for a while, but weirdly, after I told her "Maybe my problems aren't real." And she said, "You think I said that? Try to think positively for once. It's a slow process." It has been 7 years already, I've given up the search for friendship and love, because to me, it's now a sin my body still wants. In fact, why bother with people? Love and friends are a risk, a liability, and scratching and thinking of doomsday is the only reason I'm alive. It's the only way I'm not getting into bad situations, because I don't trust people. I have eczema, I do get a relief, mom knows. You may say, "Oh stop this self-harm!" But this is from eczema, I've always had this. I have! It's just gotten slightly worse over the years in terms of skin. But it doesn't matter, because as long as I'm not getting an infection or at risk of dying, I'm just suffering a skin disorder. Even mom doesn't get it, because she's an idiot! Why do I even trust her!? She deserves to leave, and so does dad, and my brother who rubs salt in my wound by calling me "friendless", "ugly", "short", "stupid because you scored low marks" on a daily basis thinking it's a joke. I get it, you have more success than me! I'm a flopped movie! But one man who I forgot the name of was right, "People is hell". Hell is other people. That one author of "No Exit" was right. People are disgusting creatures. I may have yelled at mom today, but that's the freest I've felt. Hurting disgusting creatures is easier than living with them, considering I'm a warrior in a world of Hell. Making them feel bad with my harsh words. Hell is other people. Mom is delusional for wanting hope. I've hoped long enough, and it's a mere childish thing. We humans perceive things in our own ways, we may not share the same sights at all, and maybe the real world is just nothing, and we projected ourselves onto it like beings orbiting a mass in nothingness. It's some physics theory I heard somewhere. Her perception that it'll get somewhere is her being a human. My mom is forcing it down my throat because she's another mass of life my poor brain created wanting me to suffer. I'm right, aren't I? Isn't the theory correct? Isn't Sartre correct? Aren't I intelligent? Isn't my perception theory correctly recollected? Me being smarter than my peers, even the guy who told me the perception theory as a joke, I reflected and made it make sense. Guts thrived in being alone, he left Casca for 2 years to help himself after she got trauma, and he lived. He reflected so much, all when being isolated. From his team, his girlfriend, to beat Griffith! At least he had a reason to fight, what am I doing? People are anyways uncultured, stupid, mean, ugly pigs who deserve nothing, anyways. I'm really starting to get Dio and Kat from Euphoria more, people are trash! No wonder Dio became a vampire and Kat became who she is, people are trash and he's rightfully ashamed to be human. People are pigs because I'm better than them. Even my classmates are pigs. And you may also say again, "Oh but try therapy!" Enough with the therapist talk! My dad will never let me go to one ever again! I can never ever go to one because it's a fantasy dream! It's just a life I can never have, so the best I can do is just move on or trust mom, which she's already labelled "pig" in my head because parents slow down their children. I'm no longer hating myself, I hate everyone else for thinking I'm a freak for seeing the truth. Nothing matters because nothing exists. I'm a god in a world of pigs. I was only born as a girl unfortunately. Not that I feel gender dysphoria whatsoever, but people are pigs.

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

Greetings everyone,

I’m a 31-year-old male, and my wife, who is 30, recently settled into the idea of starting our own family after securing stable jobs and purchasing our first home together. As part of this new chapter, I suggested my wife should get her driving license, which she previously did not need while living in Boston. To support her, I provided an old car for practice and arranged lessons with a certified driving instructor. She successfully passed her driving test!

Although she was quite content with the car I first gave her, I wanted to surprise her with something special. Until then, I had been driving a 2011 Civic, and neither of us had ever owned a brand new car. Drawing from some savings, I decided to buy her a shiny new Mercedes A220, which she absolutely adored.

Now, this is where the main event unfolds.

Approximately a month after the Mercedes arrived, my old Civic unexpectedly broke down. The mechanic informed me it suffered from multiple issues, primarily electrical wiring faults that affected the engine power. My wife generously offered her Mercedes for me to use for work while we figured out what to do with the Civic.

Upon arriving at work, a colleague of mine (let's call him Chad), noticed the shiny Mercedes and approached me for a chat. He inquired about its price and where my usual Honda was. Just as I began to explain the situation with my Civic, he abruptly interrupted and asked if he could take the Mercedes for a spin. I politely declined, explaining that it was my wife’s car and I wanted to keep it in perfect condition for her. Chad seemed annoyed by this and briskly walked off.

As I continued towards the office, I sensed a few unusual stares from other colleagues. Later, while settling into my desk, a close work friend leaned over and mentioned that Chad had spread the word that I had become a snob with the new car, and even called me an asshole for not letting him drive it.

I’m puzzled about what I could have done differently. Was declining his request really that unreasonable? Any insight would be helpful.

If this were a scenario on a reality TV show, I wonder if the reaction would have been amplified for dramatic effect. Perhaps the cameras would have focused on Chad's reaction and the gossip throughout the office, turning a simple misunderstanding into a major plot twist. How do you think the audience would have reacted to this situation?

hi. I don't really want to vent to a friend nor family like my parents and my siblings(they're the closest family to me if I ever refer to family again just know I'm only referring to them) so I'm venting on here. I don't really want to vent to them because I don't want to burden them and I just don't want their advice or reassurance. I just want someone to understand what I'm feeling which I know my friends will but still.

here's why I feel like a horrible person

The thing about me is that I ALWAYS procrastinate until the last minute. It doesn't matter what it is. It's not like I think procrastinatig is cool, anything but that actually. I rather be a hardworking person but everything around me just feel so hard to resist. I feel like I SEEK dopamine 24/7. I barely study like I only study last minute and it feels horrible because I actually gets good grade. I feel like I don't deserve this good of a grade when I clearly see that others that get lower grade than me worked even harder. I know the grade thing will probably change soon and I will mess up one day and finally get something that matches my efforts. I actually happened to get to be a monitress which honestly I don't think people really think it's that big of a deal anymore but I really don't think I deserve it. At first, there was only me but then my class teacher convinced someone else to join. I think I got it because people felt pity for me, I'd definitely vote for the other girl if I wasn't one of the choices. She was hardworking, charismatic and very positive. Loud, cheerful and responsible, that's what a good monitress should be. I feel like the opposite to be honest, I volunteered just because I got a rush of confidence that I'm competent for it and I can improve myself if I were one but I was wrong. I'm such a irresponsible person. I've been late to school many times not because of medical issues but because I woke up late. Sometimes, when I accidentally do something wrong, I'd blame my family members (I mean not really blaming but like for example, "oh, because of 'smth', this happened") I just feel like nobody can rely on me because I'll always mess something up.

Also, I have super random mood swings. I feel like I get mood swings even more lately, and it's not like I want them. I mean who would want to be miserable. I get mad at the smallest shit ever like I'd be pissed if I knew somebody like me. For friends, I don't really act mad IN FRONT of them when they did something that piss me off because I don't want to seem like a horrible person so I just try to brush it off and not talk to them that much since I don't want to accidentally show that I'm mad. For family, I feel a bit more comfortable to express my frustration to because they can't just dump me one day you know. So most of the time, I'll just be acting like an asshole, acting frustrated with a high pitched voice telling them to stop annoying me or like just anything. I love my family so I want to treat them properly but I can't. Fyi, I have good moments with my family I just act like this sometimes.

One more thing, I'm like super shy. I've experienced countless interactions that just felt super embarrassing for me to even think off because they were just horrible. Yesterday, I had a french speaking exam(finals). I tried to convince myself everything would be fine but it was absolutely horrible. I couldn't understand some of the questions and I had the dumbest grammar mistake I could've ever made. After I finished, the teacher told me to call the other person so I did. I didn't want the teachers to notice my tears so I lowered my head then walked out. Unexpectedly, one of the teacher walked into the room and noticed me crying so she comforted me which was nice but didn't really help much.(or did it I'm not sure myself) One thing that really pissed me off was that one of the teacher had a high expectation for me. He even said he'll count on me. The only thing I can think of him right now is that he had an unrealistic expectation for me because I don't only suck at french speaking. I suck at everything related to speaking in general. Some of my friends texted me if I was fine and honestly I don't know. After I went home, I immediately got online and asked an online best friend to game. We talked and stuff. I did feel better afterwards.

I'll be connecting that accident to another quality I have. I CAN'T THINK CRITICISM AT ALL. I mean I knew I did something wrong but then I'll just say ok in a natural tone then crash out(be mad and cry ugly) by myself later. I actually appreciate comments about improving myself but I just cringe every time I read them. My English teacher would always put comments for writings and honestly I can't read them at all but I need to do I just silently cringe while looking at the comments. A part of me probably thinks I'm better than everyone which I don't think so. (this is so contradictory) Like I'm just so overly sensitive. It's even annoying me.

Probably the last point I'll mention here today, I honestly can't see why anyone would want to be friends with me. When I ask my friends why do they want to be friends with me, they often reply with a you're kind. I don't see it at all after all that points I've made do you, yes you the reader actually think I'm kind?. Sure, I've done many things for my friends but that's just basic courtesy compared to things they've done for me. I even reply to my friends text late sometimes just because I don't have the energy to text them.

By the way, I don't know why I do these or feel like this because I don't think I grew up with a abusive household or anything. I didn't grow up with the best parents ever but I think they're good compared to others. I didn't get bullied. I have supportive friends. but honestly I don't really think I have a lot of friends I mean like my friends would help but I'm probably not their no.1 choice if you know what I mean. It's like I'm left alone. I don't know why I'm SUPER shy. I've never asked to be shy, I want to be confident. I don't think I have social anxiety or anything because I can interact with my friends just fine. I don't want to exaggerate anything because I know they are billions of people suffering more than I'll ever be so yeah. This is the end of my rant, pretty long but I got it off my chest.

I'm not really sure how to write/explain this, so this story will probably be very messy and not make a whole lot of sense.

I am currently 19 years old, and I feel like I have nothing and everything. I feel as if I could go out and get anything I ever wanted like money or assets or whatever, but the one thing I actually want is someone who actually cares about me.

Over the years, interactions with friends and family never felt like they were talking/hanging with me, rather they felt like they were doing it out of pity. I have always felt like people I care about don't really care about me, and these feelings are only reinforced by a lot of old friends and family suddenly leaving me.

I used to have a few childhood friends. I used to be a huge extrovert back then when I was a kid. Two of my childhood friends, April and Suzy, "cut" contact with me. They didn't really cut contact with me completely, I still have contact with Suzy, but we never talk. April is a huge introvert so I never talked to her when we got older. Whenever I talked to Suzy she always gave me dry responses and conversations only lasted a few minutes if that. I used to think she was just busy but she eventually just straight up told me she didn't want to talk to me. I still have no idea what I did or said to make her suddenly hate me. I don't even know if she really does hate me.

The same situation somewhat applies to my parents, that I feel like they don't really care about me. When I was a kid, my parents always argued over everything, sometimes they argued with my brother. I was never part of these arguments since I was so young at the time. All I remember is the only time my parents would interact would be more arguing or if it was dinner time. The only time I really did anything with my parents was during holidays like christmas. I never saw my mom during christmas or thanksgiving, since she went somewhere else for holidays. My dad would tell me she was cheating or that she didn't care enough about me to go to holidays with my dad. During Christmas I remember the tree being filled with presents. I never really wanted to open any of them. To me they felt like toys I would get bored of in ten minutes, reinforced by the fact that at the time my parents would say they were from santa. I would always rip open the presents and after they were all open I would go play with my new stuff and my parents would go back to doing what they did every other day. My dad would watch football and my mom would watch netflix. I have no idea what my brother would do since he was always out doing something.

To be honest, I hate my brother. He's trans and goes by she/her now, but I respect him so little as a person that I don't bother with his pronouns, especially considering how angry he gets when someone misgenders him and the fact that he just sucks as a person. I respect pronouns but specifically not his.

I think the hate for my brother started when I was about 8 or 9. He would always try and get me to do stuff and boss me around for no reason. He would also try and get me in trouble all the time, in hopes my dad would beat me. My dad is old fashioned so he would beat us if we fucked up. I think I really started to hate him when I was in my early teens. This was when my mom and brother had moved out, and my mom had custody of me. My brother took the role of the punisher for some reason so when ever I messed up he would be the one to punish me, usually by taking my xbox or phone away. But sometimes he would do it just because he could. My brother was a lot bigger than me, and he would take my stuff just because he wanted to, and would always make up some excuse about how it was "my fault" my stuff was getting taken. I remember breaking into his room to get my stuff back and running off to my dads house so he wouldnt be able to take my stuff.

I also kinda hate my dad. He's really old fashioned, and he was raised by farms people and grew up in the country rather than the city. I think my hate for him started when he had his stroke. He lost control of his left arm and left leg, and completely gave up on physical therapy. To this day he doesn't have control of his leg or arm and he might as well be an amputee or something. He uses his disability and the fact that he is my dad as an excuse to make me do stuff like cooking and his laundry. He basically treats me like a slave rather then a genuine person. All I ever do when I'm at his house is do my own thing till he eventually calls for me and makes me do some random chore for him. The only thing I remember him doing was buying gifts for me and being done with me. Even today that hasn't really changed. He still does nothing but watch TV and basically never talks to me. Even when we do talk it's always about him, and if we ever argue, and I make a valid point, he just completely shuts down and stops talking.

I'm not really sure if I hate my mom or not. I've been with her for most of my life since she was the one that had custody of me when my parents broke up. Me and my mom always had to move somewhere new. We probably moved into about 4 apartments and 2 houses in total. I never got to make any real friends because of it and eventually just gave up on trying to make friends. My mom was always watching TV just like my dad and I always was in my room doing whatever I felt like doing that day. I really don't have anything to say about my mom. She always kinda felt like a background character in a show rather then someone who was involved in the story.

I have always felt like that people don't really care about me. I wish I could bring it up to people but everyone would tell me off and I'd be better off talking to a brick wall. I have felt suicidal recently and have become more self destructive. I know I should seek therapy, but I'm not going back to the psych ward again, not now.

I'd write more but I have stuff to do, and If I went into every detail about how everything sucked I'd be here all day. I would be writing a book at that point.

How can i get more things and be more productive when i feel so tired and overwhelmed and nervous all the time? I feel so horrible and i want to hide away from everyone and everything.

Things are Just too much right now. And i never know what to do. Sometimes the only things i can manage Is either sleeping for almost the whole day or shutting my brain off looking at my phone or Just pacing around my house.

I'm so tired. I felt tired for so long now. It's so hard to find energy or motivation when i feel like doing Is Hide and sleep for the rest of the day. I am trying to be better but it Just doesn't work. Everything Just feels so tiring. It feels like everything Is falling apart at the seams all at once.

In my early twenties, I started working with a life coach named Lydia, who built her philosophy around achieving everything one desires despite feeling unfulfilled with her privileged background. Lydia, who was affluent with an upscale job, lived alone in a plush city apartment. She preached about manifesting one's dreams into reality, which resonated with me deeply.

I was drawn to her because she claimed that by manifesting our desires, we could attain perfection in all areas of life. Now, five years later, I realize I haven't achieved everything I envisioned, leaving me frustrated and skeptical. This experience has highlighted a recurring pattern in many promising messages from life coaches and inspirational books that claim one can 'have it all.'

Is it really feasible to achieve everything you desire, or is the concept far-fetched, especially coming from those who may not have experienced significant hardships or the trials of genuine struggle?

Imagine if I shared my frustrations on a reality show. The audience might resonate with my struggles or criticize me for following such idealistic advice. Would they empathize with the disillusionment, or judge the impracticality of chasing such a perfect life?

Do you actually believe you can 'have it all'?

Allogations have made me fear for my safety. If there is no proof of wrongdoing, is my safety still at risk?

I have friends in high school but I don't talk to them much because I'm shy, my interests are much different from theirs, and I'm scared to open up to them. Literally every kid in class has met each other outside of school, I'm the only one who hasn't hung out with any of them outside of school cause my home is so far from most of theirs. My friends also know each other more and are much closer with each other than I am with them. I don't even think I've ever had an actual best friend. Plus my school is so freaking tiny so the chances of meeting someone who I truly vibe with is 0%, unless a new kid joins our class with is highly unlikely. I just feel so lonely.

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everything i do, everything i say feel wrong, i didnt actually mean anything, it was just old stuff i wanted to bring back, now i look like a creep to everyone i depend on, i am shaking as i write this, the more i try not to act like a creep the more the people who i consider friends point it out, i dont want to be in this state of me anymore i dont like myself at all, i did the same mistake twice and i feel like these people are faking their words just for me not to kill myself, i'm a man i'm supposed to be able to handle this but this is so hard to accept, it feels like the world turned its back on me, i dont want to live like this anymore, you can't tell me not to do something i'd regret for the rest of my life, i've regretted everything my whole life, anything i did just killed me right in front of you, either i am being too sensitive or you being too sensitive it doesnt fucking matter, i am dead, i started to hate everyone when i was 13, i was too young to feel that way, i crave happiness, i was not the person i thought i was, i am fucking suck

I feel like everything's in my hands again. According to studies I've done that explain how a girl and I operate, we've formed a group, thanks to previous groups. We collude based on these. Without going into too much scientific detail, I observe that the therapists or anyone around me has the ability to help me express the issue and thus discern details. I have to do everything on my own and through means that said environment includes us.

They come across as extremely obtuse people, based on prejudices. It's clear that when faced with new topics that also require their development, they don't give them any dedication. I don't want to imagine what that girl's environment must be like, or the things she'll say about us, trying to reconcile with it to avoid problems, surely bordering on the fact that this phenomenon that encompasses us is nonexistent or some kind of madness typical of a psychiatric hospital. At least in this situation, I can count on psychotherapists, many of whom dare to be our guide in relationships and, as a result, make us act on them. They, like my circle of friends, and most likely hers, talk about groups based on stereotypes without falling into the abstract realm, simply to fulfill said stereotypes, or profiles. But the fact is that they tend to assume concepts through scenarios associated with them without revising the definition, which could precisely point to other scenarios in which the same definitions apply. This becomes a headache for me because this issue with the girl is something I would like to talk to someone about, consistently and deeply, dedicating the necessary time to it, precisely to be able to discern what it is about between us and be able to act responsibly.

The attitudes people tend to resort to are that, due to their lack of appreciation for the details of the relationship—something that, in fact, only I can do—they simply, going a bit further than therapists, lead me to adopt evasive behaviors, leading to escalating conflicts with this person, and I'm not as fair to them as I am to them. In this sense, it seems that my environment is causing instability in my relationship, rather than guaranteeing its stability. Of course, I observe that they rely on the relationships I have with them to remain where they are, preventing this particular development that I'm experiencing right now. Keeping quiet will only keep this there, and it manifests itself in other ways, and frankly, they prefer to talk about it. I feel completely abandoned by those around me in the midst of these circumstances; I don't know how the girls will experience it, with their surroundings completely absent from the matter. Perhaps they will resort to avoidance, but the idea is not to fall into that same game.

It's exhausting to be alone and under pressure, because the fact that I have to keep quiet about it in my surroundings makes it a burden, a difficulty for me to interact with them thanks to their reactionary nature. It's a self-centered way of thinking; in other words, they're not considering my particular circumstances. All they say is that they can't handle me, and they want to deny it through my time with them and some communications, as is often the case. All under a sad desire to avoid feeling guilty. Furthermore, I feel invisible. How is it possible that no one has stopped to notice my expressions of feeling suffocated? Of not being able to say anything? People will say that the doors are open, but that only underscores this self-centeredness, an evasive approach consisting of only observing those things that favor their status of being okay with me when that's not the case.

The worst part is that all of this, everything I've written, I express to people who are strangers, because for them, it would be impossible, as it would reveal exactly what they don't want to see. This speaks to the fact that they aren't paying attention to my relationship with me in any way. The details they shed light on are ignored; it's like not being in it. I feel like no one has the capacity to support me in this, that they've left me alone and won't do anything to fix it, all because they want to stay in their own life, which they consider good in and of itself and don't have to change it, in their opinion. In fact, no one is interested in being with me through thick and thin, in this environment I've been thrust into.

I don't know how she's taking it; however, I only see difficulties, not for anything else, but for not knowing what to do in an environment that isn't collaborative, beyond perhaps going with the flow. In the midst of it all, I feel like I'm the only one capable of doing something for this relationship, for it to stay afloat, because, unlike many people, I dedicate myself to this, going against the grain of others. For her part, I'm far from such dedication, at least with specialized knowledge, because in her environment, she doesn't need it; she only knows that this is the case It affects her, and I do things that make things work, purely as a result of that dedication. Furthermore, I highly doubt that her environment would encourage her to support that dedication, given the fact that she's deeply embedded in it. For my part, I've managed to isolate myself as much as possible.

It's unpleasant to know that you're the only one who can do something about it and that nothing, absolutely nothing, is in your favor. The environment I'm in doesn't favor an individual modus operandi, but rather one that's simply standard. In fact, in my lifetime, I don't know of an environment that doesn't do this, and that's the one she's in, and it doesn't favor her. Wishing to count on her would be the same as counting on someone who pushes against me to learn; in other words, it would be an added burden. Being at a distance is how she can truly support me, unlike others who aren't and only feel like they're taking time away from my life, because they don't allow me to express myself as I am. I always have to be very measured so as not to trigger prejudices, and they harm me. I feel that's why I'm very reserved, and at the same time, it makes me understand why I tend to be somewhat popular.

I wish I had some kind of magic wand or magic powder, without referring to drugs or anything like that, that would make this whole journey end. It's like feeling a cross on top of me, and with others under social pressure, always supported by my feelings, and being able to reach points where people can take advantage, given that this occupies a busy part of my life. I wish things were easier, even through stories, poems, or some of those texts. I feel able to express myself to her because of the censorship on social media, which also seems completely excessive and without any consideration, constituting simple flaws of the platform. In part, sometimes I wish none of this was happening, or that I had never met her, however, not because of her, but because of the environment that surrounds me. I insist, she's doing well from a distance, since she doesn't carry weight; those who are part of it are very helpful; they can't do anything and therefore keep their distance. I'm talking about being part of it because there's a group among us, and that doesn't just go away.

I've been in a happily married life with my spouse Dan for over five years now. We both have solid careers and, thanks to our combined efforts, we're quite secure financially. While it's true that Dan earns a bit more than I do, we've never seen our finances as anything but shared. We work as a team and distribute our responsibilities fairly.

However, there's a persistent issue that has been bothering me; it involves Dan's brother, Joel. Over the years, Joel has repeatedly made snide remarks, labeling me a "gold digger" under the guise of humor because I earn less than Dan. He mostly does this in social settings, and while I usually brush it off with a laugh to keep the peace, it's become increasingly irksome. Despite my consistent contributions to our household, Joel's jokes suggest I'm merely living off Dan's earnings.

The situation escalated when Joel, along with his wife, asked us to financially assist them with their share for a family vacation, citing their inability to afford it. After discussing it with Dan, we decided against providing the help. Given Joel's ongoing disrespect towards me, supporting their leisure didn't feel right.

Upon our refusal, Joel attempted to dismiss my feelings by claiming I was overreacting and that his comments were just harmless fun. But I'm fed up. Now, Joel is upset, and some relatives are echoing the sentiment that I'm blowing things out of proportion and that "family should help each other." Though Dan supports me, part of me still doubts my decision. Am I just being overly sensitive?

Now, imagine if this whole scenario played out on a reality TV show. Camera crews capturing every sneer and comment from Joel, the tense discussions with family, and the dramatic showdown of our refusal to fund their vacation trip. Viewers would likely be polarized. Some might sympathize with my irritation at being unfairly labeled, while others could perceive my reaction as too harsh, perhaps urging more family solidarity despite the personal digs.

Am I wrong for not helping because of ongoing disrespect?