Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Job opportunities had been slipping away from me recently, making it nearly impossible to secure a position due to the expanding void on my CV. To bridge this hiatus, I've started volunteering at a regional nonprofit organization.

Does this make me a bad individual because my motives aren't completely selfless? I mean, I'm trying to patch up my resume and keep my skills sharp too.

I wonder what would happen if this whole scenario unfolded on a reality TV show. Would the audience judge me for leveraging volunteer work to enhance my job prospects? Or would they support my approach to keeping active and contributing to society in whatever way I can, even if part of the reason is self-serving? It’s strange to think about how perspectives might shift under the spotlight of public scrutiny.

Losing my husband unexpectedly was a heart-breaking experience that left me grappling with unbearable sorrow and navigating an uncertain future. Honestly, there were moments when I felt completely lost and alone, questioning how I could possibly move forward without him by my side. Amidst the overwhelming grief, my mum became an incredible pillar of strength for me. She offered a comforting presence during my darkest moments and helped me find a way out of the grief abyss. I had to ask myself, where would I be without her unwavering support and kind words during these trying times???

My mum's wisdom and compassion were nothing short of lifesavers. Every morning she called, ensuring I knew she was there and that I wasn't facing this new reality alone. An unplanned bonus to her supportive presence was her uncanny knack for knowing when I just needed someone to listen, without uttering a single word in return. We joked quite a bit, which was a much-needed breather from the suffocating heaviness of grief. She had the extraordinary ability to bring back a little sunshine into my life. Can you imagine what a gift that is?? Her thoughtful hugs and cups of tea were small gestures that went a long way to settling my scattered mind. Mum wasn’t afraid to take the reins and help me with daily tasks that suddenly felt monumental. 💪 Household chores, meal preps, even a few Netflix nights that started to fill up the void ever-so-slightly. It’s funny how parents continue to surprise us even when we’re adults, isn't it?? Her invaluable guidance taught me to honor my emotions, yet remain hopeful about the future and acknowledge that it’s okay to ask for help. My healing journey would be incomplete without recognizing her selfless love and encouragement that equipped me with the strength to move forward each day. 🧡

This will be very long, but that's just how much I need to let out. So, let me begin.

I used to have a friend group, it felt like the world was mine when I'm with them. Plus, I was sort of the leader. But later, we all had separated because of most of us transferring to different schools. I wanted to keep touch, of course, but over time, we drifted apart. We still text, but what's bothering me is one of my friends from our group who I should say is one of the closest to me.

At first,we were both venting to each other about our new environment, but lately, I noticed he getting way less present. In our group chat, when I text her personally, she became more distant. I found out that she probably has new friends. So of course,she'd already forget us since she has a replacement now.

I wish I'm like her. Someone who can easily forget others. Because the more I remember, the more it hurt. Moreover, at my new school, I turned into a quiet kid. New kid, so everyone already has friends and has no room for me. Ignored, invisible even when I try to participate, they wont acknowledge me. Be it my peers or the teachers.

This made me feel lowly. Another thing if like to vent about (told you, there's a lot) is about my appearance. I'm short, wear glasses, not exactly that fair... I wish I can be pretty. I always wonder how other girls can look pretty, even if they look like me. I think it might be because of their fashion. One more thing I can only wish for. I want to wear outfits like them. They all look pretty, elegant and trendy. Like people others would walk by and say "wow, she's beautiful". But whenever I express my desire to wear pretty outfits, my family would tell me that it 'doesn't suit me' or like 'when are you gonna wear it?' .

My sister is trendy. She can go out on her own, buy clothes without worrying what others would think. She's tall, pretty, smart, admired. I'm only a year younger but I can never look as mature as her. She has her own bank card, her own purse... When I ask for these, my parents would procrastinate buying me one, I'll end up never getting it.

I just want to be like them. I want to have friends, go out with them, look pretty, go to fancy events (my school never does them, while my sister's always has these events), I just wanna feel wanted. But I'll always be the average, unwanted, background character. I wanna feel important in someone's life just like how important my friends are to me. I wish I can be someone who doesn't break down crying from just a few nice words from a stranger on the internet. I just want to be someone else who's not this pathetic me.

Sorry for this being so long, I actually have more to say, but I'll end it here. Just the thought of someone reading this whole thing is amazing. Just so you know, I appreciate you. I want to be someone who can provide comfort too. This makes me feel better, and I like that feeling. Thank you, thank you so much.

it's here https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dJrEwxBgKSUqyO-Mp80RhViNspWw7xsGC36JhAGY93Q/edit?tab=t.0

Growing up, my mother had little understanding of nutrition. The rule of thumb in our household seemed to be that anything labeled as "diet" was automatically considered healthy, regardless of its actual nutritional content. Mornings usually started with a bowl of cereal, and by dinner, we leaned heavily on fast food or microwave-ready meals. Snacks were no better: an endless parade of cookies and sugary treats from brands like Little Debbie. By the time I finished high school, I weighed nearly 300 lbs.

My wife, Laura, grew up under the complete opposite regime. Her family avoided processed foods, maintaining a diet rooted in whole foods. Inspired by her, our family has adopted a similar approach to eating, focusing on natural, unprocessed meals.

It wasn't until a series of health crises that my mother began to see the impact of her dietary decisions. After suffering her third heart attack and peaking at nearly 400 lbs, Mom couldn't afford her rent and had to move in with us to recuperate. Despite visiting nutritionists several times, she still seems either perplexed by their advice or convinced that their recommendations aren't realistic, sometimes even suggesting the professionals were body-shaming her.

Recently, the situation has escalated. Mom has been secretly ordering unhealthy food through delivery apps like Instacart and Uber Eats. Worse still, she's been giving the same unhealthy foods to my kids. This week alone, she's bought them fast food from McDonald's three times.

When I noticed another delivery arriving at our house, that was the final straw. I intercepted the Happy Meals intended for my children and threw them straight into the trash, making sure to cover them with cleaner to prevent any second thoughts. When I confronted her, emotions ran high. Mom insisted she didn't understand the harm, pleading that one meal wouldn’t cause any damage. My response was stern: this lifestyle wouldn't continue under my roof, especially not with my children's health on the line. The argument ended with me seriously considering moving her into a nursing home, a decision she didn't take well, branding me a bully.

Reflecting on the confrontation, it’s difficult not to wonder how such a moment would unfold under the scrutinizing eyes of the public, say, on a reality show. Would viewers see me as an overreactive villain, or would they empathize with a desperate attempt to safeguard my family's health? The nature of reality TV, with its penchant for drama, could paint the encounter in extremes, potentially escalating the tension for ratings.

Was I wrong to react the way I did?

Today, my daughter, who is 7 §yes, seven!), was wearing a sleeveless top to school, which is perfectly within the dress code guidelines, and she's dressed similarly on many occasions without any issues. However, a substitute teacher took offense, claiming the attire was inappropriate, and urged me to bring another shirt for her. Coincidentally, I was already heading out to a hockey game, where I play as the goalie for a local team, and you know, goalies are quite essential – we really can't afford to be late or miss a game last minute.

I found the substitute’s call quite infuriating as it insinuated my daughter’s outfit was indecent. I explained to her that the top was perfectly acceptable and highlighted my inability to assist given my commitment to the game. I definitely did not appreciate her stepping over the line.

The substitute teacher threatened that she would have to send my daughter home and insisted that either my husband or I should come to pick her up. I couldn't help but laugh, explaining the situation: my husband was working from home, and since I had the car for my hockey game, he couldn’t pick her up either. As a solution, the substitute made my daughter wear her blazer for the entire day. Now, she’s gone as far as to complain to the principal about the incident. My husband feels I should have complied by bringing another shirt and perhaps addressed or contested the issue with the school board or the principal later on.

Do you think I mishandled the situation?

Interesting to consider, what would happen if this incident unfolded not in everyday life but on a reality TV show? Surely, the dramatization of the scenario would amplify. Cameras would capture every detail of the tense conversations, and the audience could decide right then whose side they're on – the flustered hockey-playing parent or the steadfast substitute teacher. The resolution might even involve a dramatic public vote or a mediated session on what truly defines 'appropriate' school wear. Reality TV has a knack for turning simple disputes into captivating spectacles, after all!

i hate it. the feeling of being seen, like actually seen, not just people glancin at you in the street or passin by, but when someone really looks at you, like they’re tryin to figure you out, like they have questions, like they see somethin in you that you don’t even see in yourself. it makes my skin crawl. i overthink every little thing, how i stand, how i move, if my face looks weird when im just existing, if my voice sounds stupid when i speak. every time i step outside, i feel like im being judged, even if no one is sayin anything. and the worst part? i know most people don’t care, i know logically they’re all too busy with their own lives to be analyzin me, but my brain don’t listen to logic. my brain tells me everyone notices, everyone sees, everyone is thinkin somethin. so i shrink, i make myself smaller, i walk quieter, i avoid eye contact, i make sure i dont take up too much space, bc the less people see me, the safer i feel. but its exhausting. always second-guessing, always panicking about the tiniest things, always wishing i could just exist without feeling like im being watched.

nd it’s not just in public, it’s everywhere. online, in messages, even around people i know. every time i post somethin, i think should i delete it? does this make me look dumb? did i say too much? did i say too little? every time i talk to someone, i replay the convo in my head a thousand times, picking apart everything i said, wondering if i sounded weird or annoying. nd it makes me not wanna talk at all. like, if i never say anything, if i never put myself out there, then theres nothin to be judged, right? but then that feels just as bad, bc i want to connect, i want to be a person, i just don’t want to be perceived while doing it. i don’t want people to have opinions on me, to see me one way when i see myself another, to misunderstand, to assume, to put a label on me i don’t want. nd maybe that’s the problem. maybe i dont even kno who i am without other people’s perception, nd that’s why it scares me so much. bc what if i don’t like what they see? what if they see the real me, and i don’t even know who that is?

No I'm not the Joker. I had an unnecessary argument with some trolls online. It made me realize that I hate how everyone's an asshole and no one wants to have conversations or be civil. Even is always in the right even if they're wrong, especially influencers, they can't take accountability for their actions at all. I hate how billionaires get a free pass on taxes while some people in my country are debating between rent and food. I wanna go back to pre-iPhone era or go back to when we had trains. To be honest, I'd rather not exist at all.

The coworkers I work with in this outpatient lab grind on my nerves. maybe it's a me thing but they complain about literally every. single. thing. they complain about the fact that I get one day off every week (I work 4 10s they work 5 8s) completely ignoring the fact that we both work the same number of hours each week. They get annoyed the I use my vacation time. (fun fact that's part of my benefits. why would I not use the benefits I have) they get annoyed that sometimes when they come back from lunch there are 3 people in the lobby but ignore the fact that when they leave for lunch they will leave 8-10 patients in the lobby. And I'm pretty sure that if i was to register the patients in the lobby and put them under them to be drawn they would be annoyed they have to draw blood after coming back from lunch. But hey when they leave for the day that's okay if they leave with a lobby full of patients because god forbid they stay one minute past their scheduled shift . They feel like they are above the standards that they hold everyone else to like hypocrites.

I am married to the most amazing human being I have ever met in my entire life. We've never clashed very much since meeting each other, but now that he's lost his job, it's constant feelings of tired, burnt-out, overwhelmed, anxious, and depression. I know he's trying really hard to find a new job, but it's been months now. I can't keep working overtime and still not having enough money to cover all of our bills. It's giving me PTSD from an ex-boyfriend who I was in a similar situation with. He doesn't do much aside from cooking dinner every once in a while.... Our house is a mess, our fur babies are sometimes forgotten about... All he talks about is getting and selling weed...I'm just tired and I don't know what to do....

Ever since my high school days, I've shared an incredibly close bond with my friend, Samantha. We've journeyed through life’s highs and lows together, ever since our freshmen year. Recently, Samantha entered an exciting phase in her life; she got engaged and her wedding is fast approaching in a few months. I was thrilled when she asked me to be part of her bridal party. Despite the distance, as I now live across the country, I've tried my utmost to be a supportive friend during her wedding preparations.

Earlier this year, I became a mother to a beautiful daughter who, unfortunately, faced some serious health challenges right from birth. She struggled with eating and consequently with weight gain. After numerous visits to various specialists, we were directed to a pediatric cardiologist. The diagnosis was heart-stopping; my baby girl had a significant hole in her heart, which posed a severe risk of heart failure at any moment. An urgent heart procedure was scheduled for her within two weeks.

I immediately reached out to Samantha with the devastating news, explaining my emotional turmoil in detail. However, her response seemed dismissally light-hearted, focusing only on the potential positive outcome that my daughter might start gaining weight after the procedure.

Following this, communication from Samantha dwindled to almost nothing. Instead of inquiring further about my daughter's precarious health, she requested photos from her bachelorette party. This left me feeling isolated and unsupported, especially during the subsequent nerve-wracking weeks leading up to my daughter’s surgery.

The feeling of abandonment intensified when I finally heard from her again after posting an update about my daughter’s successful procedure on Facebook. Her excuse that she had “forgotten” about my daughter's critical condition amid her wedding planning was a bitter pill to swallow. This negligence made me question the depth of our friendship.

Amidst these challenging emotions and the burgeoning medical expenses, I am contemplating withdrawing from her wedding. The thought of expending emotional and financial resources to attend an event across the country for a friend who seemed to have momentarily forgotten my plight is overwhelming.

Had this ordeal been part of a reality show, the audience might have been split. Some might criticize me for expecting too much from Samantha during her busy wedding planning phase, while others could empathize with my situation, criticizing her for not providing the support a lifelong friend should.

Honestly, I’m torn about attending the wedding. I’m trying to reconcile my feelings but am finding it extremely difficult. Would I be wrong to prioritize my family and emotional well-being over her wedding?

I've been trying. I've been really trying to be better. But nothing i've tried really works. Whenever i looks like i took a step foward i take two back. I don't know what to do. Lately things have been only getting worse. And i think my anxiety Is getting worse too. And i'm so tired. I'm so tired of feeling anxious. I'm so tired of trying. I'm tired of failing. I'm tired of feeling so horrible. I feel like i'm ruining everything. All over again. And i feel like i'm dragging my loved ones down with me. They don't deserve that. I'm sorry. I don't want to be like this. But i don't know how to fix It. The more i think about, the more i think that maybe i'm a bad person, and that maybe i can't fix anything afterall.

This is just a vent (tw mentions of sui**de)

I messed up last night. This whole week I've been going through a depressive episode and felt sui***al and I guess yesterday was my breaking point. I rushed to my room cause I wanted to be alone. My dad tried to talk to me and I started to cry so I turned my back cause I didn't want him to see my face, and he called me disrespectful. He told me to never cry cause its a sign of vulnerability and weakness but I can't help it. I rushed to the bathroom crying and locked the door cause I just wanted to be alone for a while, but he kept banging the door and yelling at me to get out. To sum it up, he tried to break the door down, and broke the glass near the door to enter, he yelled at me, I yelled back about how I've felt this way ofr 3 years and wanted to end my life (I just acted on my emotions without think and I regret it) I was called disrespectful, selfish and childish, and other kids have it worse than me (I already know that, which is why I feel even worse for feeling this way) my mom and sister tried to restrain me when I wanted to leave, leaving my arms sore (I literally just wanted to go to my room!!) What hurt the most is that I made them cry, even my dad had tear and I've never seen him shed a tear.

I'm not sui**dal right now and my emotions are in control, but I still feel alot like sh*t. My dad hasn't said a word to me and I'm to scared and ashamed to even look at him. My birthday is literally tomorrow and I've messed everything up. I hate it so much.

I don’t even know how to start this, but it’s been bothering me for a while now. I keep asking myself, why don’t people like me? Like, what am I doing wrong? I try to be nice to everyone, but it feels like no one really wants to be my friend. And honestly, it’s starting to feel really lonely.

In school, it’s like I’m invisible most of the time. I’ll sit with people during lunch or in class, but I’m never the one they actually talk to. It’s always someone else. When I try to join the conversation, it’s like they don’t even hear me, or they just give me this fake smile and move on. I can’t tell if it’s something I said or if there’s just something about me that makes people not want to hang out with me.

I thought maybe I’m too quiet or awkward, so I tried being more outgoing. Last week, I went to this party that I wasn’t even sure I was invited to (I overheard someone talking about it and decided to just show up). I tried talking to a group of people, but they kept looking at their phones or each other like they were waiting for me to stop talking. One of them even got up and walked away while I was mid-sentence. It was so embarrassing. I ended up leaving early and crying in my car for like an hour.

My mom keeps telling me, “Just be yourself, and the right people will like you.” But what if being myself is the problem? Maybe I’m just boring, or annoying, or too weird for people to care about. I mean, I see other people with their huge friend groups, laughing and posting about all the fun stuff they do together, and I just feel so... left out. It’s like there’s this secret code to making friends, and I didn’t get the memo.

Sometimes, I wonder if people even notice me at all. Like, if I wasn’t there, would they even care? Or would they just go on like nothing happened? And if this was a reality show, what would people think of me? Would they feel bad for me, or would they be laughing at how pathetic I look trying to fit in where I obviously don’t belong? Maybe they’d just fast-forward through my scenes because I’m not “interesting” enough.

I’ve tried to figure out what I’m doing wrong. Maybe it’s the way I talk? Or the fact that I don’t know how to make jokes like other people? Or maybe I come across as too desperate? I don’t even know anymore. I feel like I’m trying so hard to get people to like me, and it’s just making things worse.

It’s not like I haven’t tried making friends. I’ve joined clubs, gone to events, and even reached out to people online. But nothing ever really clicks. People will talk to me for a little while, but then they stop responding or just fade away. I don’t want to seem clingy, so I stop trying, but then I feel even lonelier. It’s like this never-ending cycle that I can’t escape.

I wish I could just stop caring. Like, who needs friends anyway, right? But the truth is, I do care. I want to have people I can talk to, hang out with, and just feel like I matter to someone. But no matter what I do, it feels like I’m stuck on the outside looking in.

If anyone’s reading this and has felt the same way, what did you do? How do you stop feeling like you’re not good enough? Or better yet, how do you get people to like you without feeling like you’re begging for their attention?

And if this really was a reality show, what would people say about me? Would they see someone who’s trying too hard and laugh, or would they actually feel bad for me? Honestly, I don’t even know anymore. I just want to feel like I belong somewhere. Is that really too much to ask?

Vent. My mom's going on a diet to loose weigh (and She's becoming slightly obsessive and weird about It, but whatever. It's her choice and i'm assuming She made her research) i'm also overweight, probably around her same weight (90/95 kg) and she wanted me to follow her on this diet ( to which i said no. Multiple times.) and to install a calorie tracking app. (She says she didn't but i'm not deaf and i ain't dumb. She often changes her words last minute when She realizes She upsets someone) I didn't really have a way to answer since She was fast about It and i installed It to supporto her. But honestly I want nothing to do with this. I like to cook and i want to eat what i'm in the Mood for. Plus i'm honestly not in a good headspace for this. There's a lot going on right now. I'm overwhelmed and burntout from school. Really tired. Struggling with sleep and Hygiene and workload and productivity. I'm working on building a nice space for myself, forming good habits, taking care of myself and creating a routine to study and have good grades. Plus. It's a fact. I like to eat. I like to cook. And sometimes i'm so low, exhausted and stressed out that my comfort foods are the only thing keeping me together. I don't want to be unsupportive but i'm so tired of hearing her talk about this. She's been talking about non Stop for weeks. And i'm not headspace to try It or even listen to her anymore. I'm so done. But now i feel so evil for snapping at her.