Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I think that I don't feel very happy with my career but I'm truly scared to start all over again. My family's afraid that I will not "succeed" (I don't like that term) if I become a 24/7 artist but I don't wanna see myself sad and disappointed with my path. I know that being an artist is too hard but at least I wanna give it a try. But I don't know, I've been crying a lot today because of it. It's not that I hate my job but I sense that I'm not truly satisfied.

I feel like everything's strange since she's been in my life—well, them. Everything's strange. I feel like I can't write calmly. I'm afraid of straying from the norm they want. When I post things on my social media where they're not present, I feel like they're watching me. Also, when I write, I feel like they're pressuring me to keep me insistent when I write, and so they can accuse me of being pushy, obsessive, or something like that.

I don't feel good around her. Her boyfriend is an arrogant person who likes to make others feel bad, and he's also extremely violent, and about things that connect with his past and aren't really a topic of conversation. With her, I feel like every time she has the chance to criticize me for something, once I'm comfortable, she just does it; first she gives in, and then she leaves, pretending to act in ways that keep me quiet or keep me unaware of the issue.

I don't know why these people wanted to associate with me. I feel the hugs from her boyfriend are absolutely fake. Once, I felt like she pulled me in for a hug, and I felt like she was going to accuse me of being a stalker, a pervert. These people really don't give me a good feeling.

I was with her once and said goodbye, thinking she was going to come with me, but no, it turned out she left with her work group. However, when I said goodbye to them, they displayed a strange, absorbing silence. They gave me the impression they were upset with me because of a possessive spirit. Frankly, I acted like nothing was happening, but it really seemed strange to me. Added to this is the fact that several of them, the women in that work group, seem extremely expressive and confident, leaving it up to you to decide whether they're looking for something or not. More than once, I half-assedly tried to get closer to see what the outcome would be, only to be met with rejection, which I dodged. Of course, this group likes to provoke when something gets out of order, invading the normalcy with which they treat you. That order consisted of everything regarding its members being consensual. For God's sake, it's a work group! How can they pretend to be like that?! They seem like those typical dysfunctional families, who are meddlesome in everything related to their members, and like things the way they like them, so as not to lose profits.

The disorder was palpable. Furthermore, that girl liked to encourage her boyfriend to get into situations that always bordered on the limits, provoking others, while being complacent when it came to coworkers. It seemed that her bosses, somehow, maintained the situation or had gotten used to it.

I also didn't like that girl was insinuating things about her relationship, saying that things were going badly, and at the same time treating her as if he were her husband or something. On top of that, she expressed that her environment put too much pressure on her; I saw her numerous times.

What I found in those people was a complete disaster. A total disaster. I don't want them in my life. They are invasive, they provoke others, they push boundaries, and no one does anything to prevent these situations. What this seems to me is a group of victims, who also like to have order in everything around them, with everything they interact with, typical of victims. Furthermore, this is at a prestigious university. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The overload, due to the excesses, is becoming degrading to me. I have to get away from all these people immediately.

I will definitely leave some things behind, however, I will not be in a place where this behavior is encouraged. Besides, it was the university where I studied. I wondered, how could they have ruined it like this? For me, it was practically a luxury, even though I am Catholic. And it is also one of the best in the country. This had to be a nightmare. I wondered, "Where were the priests?" Besides, if the place where I worked, and where I observed the scenes with her boyfriend, was the library, what were they like in other places that are less important to students? I feel like there's no room for peace there, no way. I wanted to have a good time, to be comfortable, but under these relationships, under these people, it's impossible because I have to move as they please. I understand why they chose to associate with me, with extreme kindness. For me, my beloved university, being that library where I liked to study and it was the best place for that, was completely lost.

I felt each of those employees using their positions purely to socialize, instead of using them to work. She sometimes neglected her responsibilities; I had to remind her of her duties. The most horrible thing is that her boyfriend was a sexist... I honestly wanted to die. I can't believe what I witnessed.

I find myself in a unique position that I can't quite put my finger on. At 23, I feel like I should have a better grasp on what my relationships are supposed to look like, yet here I am, questioning whether I’m in a queerplatonic relationship or something that defies categorization altogether. It’s complicated when the emotional bonds of friendship start feeling very much like partnership, yet the labels we’ve been given don’t seem to fit. You know that feeling when you have a deep connection with someone, where the lines between friendship and romance are so blurred that you’re left wondering if you should just throw caution to the wind and embrace whatever this is or if you need to examine it more critically?

I mean, we spend nearly all of our time together—cooking dinners, binge-watching shows, even having those deep midnight conversations that last for hours. There's a comfort level that’s reminiscent of a long-term romantic relationship, but we never actually call ourselves a couple. We’ve both made it clear that we don’t want to label our relationship in typical terms, but the nature of our bond seems to challenge the boundary between friendship and a queerplatonic relationship. At times, it feels like we’re almost like partners in crime; the way we support each other emotionally feels heavy with significance. But when I look for definitions to cling to, I often question if what we have is actually queerplatonic. Does it have to fit into a convenient box, or can it simply exist outside of labels?

When we’re navigating the world together, I notice how we interact with other people. Friends often ask if we’re a couple because we do share physical affection, like holding hands or hugging, which typically imply romance. They exchange glances that seem to suggest I should either embrace this label or clarify my feelings. In these moments, I can’t help but feel a bit anxious. Are we doing something wrong by not defining ourselves as a couple? Or is there a possibility that this unusual connection is valid just on its own, and it doesn’t need to conform to societal expectations? There's so much unexpected joy in our relationship that questions whether I should just lean into the ambiguity; I often vacillate between wanting to clarify and remaining in this emotionally rich, undefined space.

Navigating these waters becomes even murkier when it comes to communicating about our feelings. We touch upon it sometimes, but genuine discussions about what we’re feeling and whether we want to label our relationship always seem to get sidestepped. I’m left wondering if it’s fear that holds us back, perhaps a fear of disrupting the beautiful rhythm we have established. Or maybe it's the excitement of being in something unique that keeps us from placing a set name on it, feeling that labeling it could somehow dilute what’s special. So, I ask you: when it comes to relationships that are this complicated—where do you draw the line? Are we too hesitant to discuss the nature of our bond, or is there wisdom in letting it float in this undefined space where love, affection, and friendship coexist harmoniously? I’m truly curious to hear what others think about my situation;

So I don’t really know how to start this off but… my family all have addictions. All smoking or drinking. And I’m scared I might end up like them when I’m older.

So, my grandparents smoke cigarettes and cigars when they aren’t around the family and honestly I love that they hide it from us? Rather than just do it in my face and look at me. And I think they’ve tried to stop quitting so even more probs to them!!

Now my parents have always had a vape addiction.. first it started with weed/bongs stinking up the house, all the way to weed vape pens? And I’m actually so uncomfortable with putting that stuff in my body I VERBALLY tell them DIRECTLY I DON’T like it. And they still blow the smoke in my face?? I think it’s baffling after 10 years they just stopped caring about not doing it in front of me?? I remember them sitting in the bathroom of my old house, blowing smoke into the vents from bongs because they didn’t want me to know?? And I walked in on them doing that so i obviously asked(as the 7 year old I was). And they just tried to play it off saying “mommy just needs some relief”.. and then I soon started figuring out that they were smoking?? Not the same crap as cigarettes but weed?? I still think it’s disgusting either way and it’s made me grow a hatred for smokers, yes I know the nicotine is highly addictive but don’t you know how bad it is for your DEVELOPING CHILD to breathe in that smoke?? I think that’s why I have so many issues with my brain?? I don’t know though, it just really pisses me off and triggers me when they smoke around me. It makes me feel like I can’t breathe and I’ve had meltdowns about it because they can’t just NOT SMOKE around me, so we’ve compromised that whenever I was upstairs in my room they could vape in the living room. I’m still pissed at this because now I can’t enjoy my house and I’m trapped in my room all day, having to go downstairs in a smoke cloud?? And my dad still does it around me, making me yell at him and hate him more. He doesn’t respect me. He just laughs. And I know he’s trying to step up but I won’t forget what he didn’t do. Be a man for me when I was 7-13. I’m currently 13 for context and I’m just.. really mad and just sad?? Like I’m mad they won’t respect me but sad I call him my dad? I don’t know it’s just complicated and I’m just so frustrated and sick of him I have a shorter fuse around him.

And just last night he left the gas on the whole night, we all could’ve died so I’m pissed off. Even I could’ve (13f) known it was still on. And now the house is airing out, I’m not planning on speaking to him any time soon about “feelings” because he’ll just laugh in my fucking face like always and brush it off. I don’t feel seen. And I barely feel their love.

[Translated from Portuguese. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

hi, i’m 16 years old, and i have depression and of course i didn’t go to a psychologist bc i know what i have, and if i go it would just be to confirm it, and yeah i do plan to go

today my day was wonderful until a simple video ruined it, my best friend sent me a video asking what i hated most about her so i said it’s when she says her body and hair are ugly, i was trying to cheer her up but it didn’t work, she said she’s more mature than me, that i’m immature because i say and do things without thinking, and she said she doesn’t trust me anymore, even though i said i was gonna change, but i don’t know how to change, i never had help for that, so i don’t know what i did wrong, man, i try to be that person who jokes around and laughs at everything but inside i’m falling apart, i told her i probably have smiling and silent depression, she has depression too and i thought she was gonna help me but she said i have to go to a psychologist for that, which isn’t wrong, but she said it in such a cold way that i never told her what i felt ever again, i don’t know what i have... i can’t change, and i’m hugely emotionally dependent on her, even when she does or says something that hurts me i just ignore it, but if i say something even if i didn’t mean to hurt her, she just doesn’t like it and when she’s mad about something she stops talking to me, in a way i understand her but i just wanted help even though i don’t know what to do...

I'm a 48-year-old father with two sons, Alex (15) and Max (12). Alex is practically my mini-me; he not only resembles me but also shares my passion for all things geeky. On the other hand, Max is the complete opposite and has been that way since he was young. He's always been drawn to athletics, a trait he probably picked up from my brother, who was a huge sports enthusiast and lived with us for a while when Max was little. It was my brother who introduced Max to sports, which led to him pleading with my wife and me to let him join a baseball team. Reluctantly, we agreed, and to no one's surprise, he took to it immediately. Personally, I’ve never taken to sports, stemming from my own childhood experiences as the outlier who had no interest in athletic activities.

Now that Max is 12, I notice he’s starting to embody the stereotypical jock persona, which troubles me. He even bullies his elder brother Alex by shutting off his computer during games or stealing his snacks. Recently, Max expressed a desire to shift to a high school with a robust sports program which includes baseball and football. I outright refused, banning him from football due to safety concerns and insisted he should attend the same private school as Alex, focusing strictly on academics. I even suggested he explore the arts, like theater or music. He reacted poorly, using profanity and storming out. I grounded him and decided to pull him out of baseball immediately, but to my astonishment, my wife interjected, allowing him to finish the season and supporting the school change they’d apparently already discussed. This led to a heated argument between us, as I felt she was undermining my parenting.

If this whole situation played out on a reality show, viewers might see me as either overprotective or too controlling, framing it as a typical drama between traditional parenting clashing with modern approaches. They would probably have a field day analyzing our family dynamics, the confrontation, and the parent-teen conflict that follows such decisions.

Ok so I actually just downloaded this app just to get this of my chest . OK SO LIKE THERES THIS BOY AND LIKE YK SINCE LAST SEMESTER/YEAR HE DEFINITELY STARES AT ME like honestly I wouldn’t totally mind it but HES SHORTER THAN ME AND LIKE NOT EVEN MY HEIGHT LIKE NO. ITS JUST UNCOMFORTABLE BUT LIKE HE DID AND EVEN THOUGHT WE AREN’T IN THE SAMR CLASSES ANYMORE HE LWK DOES STARE AT ME. Like this is something I would usually rant to friends about but I don’t have any <3 ok Sooo back to him like he definitely fine BUT HES SHORT and even at first I was like why is he staring like I’m literally taller than u 😭 BUT ITS NOT JUST THAT like once last year he was staring at me as I was getting stuff out of my bag and like I stared at him too AND BRO HE CLEARLY AINT SHY ABOUT IT BC HE KEPT ON LOOKING THE AUDACITY. I fumbled tho and looked away 💔 WELL I JUST WANNA RANT THAT WHY TF COULDN’T HE BE TALLER💔💔💔💔 man ig he’d continue id prob HSVE a crush on him for the rest of the year (is this technically a crush??? I HOPE NOT💔) also like yes I have ranted b4 and some one was like ‘just move on’ AND IM TRYING TO BUT FIRST I NEED TO PROCESS THESE EMOTIONS but I do kinda need advice on it tho like today as I was getting ready to leave I’m not entirely sure but i high-key felt a glance AND BRO I ALMOST DID DMT EMBARRASSING INFRONT OF HIM(thank God that didnt happen 🫡) and I DID NOT LOOK AT HIM. So Yhh that’s my rant

My friend is deliberately ignoring me for reasons I can't explain. I've just kind of shut off the world. My voice stopped working so I can't talk to him to let him know how I feel. I just feel like a horrible person. I can't do life anymore. I can't find any reason to stay alive anymore. Either I'm going to kms or run away. Probably the former.

So about 3 weeks ago me and my friend and I decided to go to a pool hall well I was already in my pajama pants and a jacket (what I usually wear at night time) the pajama pants are like a extremly plush fuzzy material and the jacket was a super soft fleece I just simply enjoy being comfortable when im at home lol reason im going into detail about what I was wearing is because when we got too the pool hall everything was cool for a couple hours until my friend started talking smack to some guy well the guy pushes my friend and when he did I jumped between them and when I did my pool stick fell out of my hands and was laying on the ground. Well when I stepped between them I just so happened to be standing over the pool stick and 2 guys picked the pool stick up at the same time and racked yanked up hitting me dead in the middle of my balls I remember feeling the stick literally splitting my balls in half I remember looking down and seeing the fuzzy pants and the outline of my balls around the stick and the guy that was behind me rubbed my shoulder and said "you got a nice soft jacket on oh and your pants look soft too" and when he said that he reached down and twisted my dick while the pool stick was still between my legs i remember moaning extremly loud and grunting while he twisted and squeezed also at the same time yanking the pool stick up higher into my balls he finally let go and I dropped too my knees instantly I was extremly sore for about 3 days and my girl friend is extremly sexual and is still asking why I didnt wanna have sex for that week and she loves my pants and jacket i really dont know how too explain this to her

I have a big family that’s incredibly close. We have big family dinners every few months where we all meet at my great grandfather's estate and eat together. Typically, how this works is that the women go cook for the time they’re there and the men don’t, which I am fully aware is sexist as hell. That being said, I am one of the youngest people in the family and my protests mean literally nothing.

Some of those women choose not to cook; however, this is usually met with a level of ostracizing. The women who don’t cook are wives and long-term girlfriends, so they kinda already have a good family relationship established. When I have seen new partners not cook, it’s gone bad. Like completely ostracized, not speaking, cattiness, rudeness, etc.

This dinner will be in two weeks and my girlfriend was asked if she would attend. Initially, she said yes, which is great. I want for her to meet everyone and for everyone to get used to her being around, but when I explained to her the tradition, she was understandably bothered.

I told her that I understood where she was coming from; however, it was best for everyone if she just played along. I told her this isn’t a permanent thing and that I am only asking her to do this so that she can avoid bad treatment from the rest of the family. This is her first impression and I don’t think it’s best if we cause waves.

She told me that it’s unacceptable and that if she has to do that, she will not be going. I’ve tried to find a compromise with her on this, but she won’t budge and she’s pissed at me. She told me that if I think it’s acceptable to make her do this, I’m just as bad as everyone else, while my point is that she needs to make a good first impression.

Imagine if this was a reality show. How do you think my family and my girlfriend's reactions would play out on TV? Would the audience side with me, understanding the family dynamics, or would they see me as a villain for pushing her into such a sexist tradition?

Recently, I've been under the weather with what seems like a cold, and my partner, Emily, handed me some homeopathic remedies to help out. I ended up not taking them because I'm convinced that homeopathy is ineffective, simply offering sugar pills instead of real treatment. Emily was quite upset by this and called me narrow-minded.

When I mentioned the situation to my mom, she also felt that homeopathy wasn’t scientifically sound but suggested I could have just accepted Emily’s gesture or refused more tactfully since those sugar pills wouldn’t have harmed me. From my perspective, taking them would only reinforce the misconception of their efficacy, especially when I naturally recover, and Emily credits the homeopathic "medicine".

Was my reaction unjustified?

Imagine if this were all playing out on a reality show. Cameras rolling, capturing every detail of the disagreement between Emily and me, not to mention the family input. Viewers would probably be divided. Some might applaud sticking to scientific principles, while others might criticize the lack of compromise in a relationship. It would definitely stir up some drama!

My mom has NEVER been caring or even considerate towards others since I was little, even then, I believe I only remember her that way because most children under the age of 5 cling to their mother's hip.

My mother was a hardcore drug addict up until my little brother was born (I was 4) and she was forced into rehab so she could get treatment for the cancer they discovered in her thyroid during that pregnancy. My newborn brother and I lived with my nana during that time. When my mother returned, we moved. My mother has had a pattern of constant moving most of my life, up until the age of 9.

My mom after cancer treatment was different. She's never been the same since that, not that I can remember it well. My mom became aggressive towards me, often pinning blame on me, and constantly raising her voice, she switched to constant alcohol consumption in place of the drugs. My mom became a revolving door, men came in, and went out just as quickly, most of them, if not all of them, were losers as well. Slowly over the years she's stepped further and further away from me.

If we skip ahead to when I was about 11, my mother started seeing a new guy, another loser. Soon enough, she gets pregnant with my younger sister, and the guy my mom is with leaves in the blink of an eye.

In her 9 months of pregnancy, my mom got with two other men, both of them constantly staying in the home. The second of the two stuck around, he stuck around for 3 years, but that didn't make him any better than the rest. He was verbally abusive, to me, and my 7 year old brother. My mom didn't bat an eye, saying it was "plain discipline". We would get screamed at and spat at if we forgot to open the curtains during the day or missed a spot while sweeping. It only got worse.

I used to be ahead of everyone in my classes. I was smart, now I struggle to pass classes below my grade level. I was smart until my mom and her boyfriend made me stay home from school, sometimes for weeks at a time, so that they could go out all day, with no care about my newborn sister or I. I was 12 and I was the primary caregiver for a newborn baby. My resentment towards my mother didn't just grow during that time, it had multiplied by the minute. It reached it's peak at some unmemorable point in my life. I lashed out, getting physical with her and admitting my hatred flat out. I don't remember what happened after that, but it was only a mental decline from there.

I started to neglect my sister when she was in my care, not causing her harm, but letting her cry for a few minutes before trying to calm her. I would neglect my younger brother as well, often cussing at him and stepping on his stuffed animals. I would be reprimanded when my mom an her boyfriend got home, but at that point, I didn't care. I was already upset, a bit of yelling only made me cry, I grew used to it.

Me and my brother changed drastically in those few years until my mom eventually broke up with that boyfriend and kicked him out. My mom only broke up with him because he started to lash out at her. She still keeps him around though, making him pay to see my sister, who isn't even her biological father. It's sickening. She's had multiple boyfriends since then, most I can't remember.

As much as I hate to admit it, I find myself jealous of my younger sister, who is now 5 as I write this. I feel upset by her situation as well though, and my brothers. It is of my mothers accord that I have no father figure, she cheated on him 2 weeks before they were supposed to marry. She was 7 months pregnant with me at the time.

My younger brother, and sister especially, grew close to my mothers ex, both of them starting to grow close as he continued to pay for visitations. He tried to be there for me as well, and I admired him for that, though I never clicked with him. He changed, becoming caring and kind, a real dad to my siblings. My mom never changed.

When I was about 16, my mom kicked me out and I moved into a room in my nana's friend's house. I had to live off old peanut butter and bathroom tap water the entire time, until recent, when I got a cheap dive apartment.

Eventually, without warning, my mom cut her ex out of all our lives, including mine, replacing him with what she wanted me to accept as a father figure, a familiar face. The man my mom had cheated on my father with. Apparently the guy (who we'll call J) was divorcing his wife of 10 years, and got back with my mom, moving in with her and my siblings. It's cruel. I know my mom only cut he ex out of my siblings lives because she thinks J is going to be upset with her, and possibly leave her, for still having her ex around.

Now she's begging me to come home, saying J misses me. He left her when I was two. I don't know him.

My entire family, excluding my little sister, hates my mother. We all know what she is. She a self-centered, filthy excuse for a woman.

Recent examples to justify my personal distaste towards my mother include :

When I left mainstream school and got put into alternative school because of constant bullying and harassment. At the interview with the principal of the alternative school, my mom constantly spoke over him, making it hard for me to hear what he was saying. She turned the 20 minute interview into a 2 hour interview by not allowing me to speak, answering the principals question for me with incorrect answers, all while using her fake sweet and professional voice. She spent most of the time rambling on about how she was a cancer survivor, a single mom, and how she was going back to school for a social work degree. The principal had to reminder her multiple times that he was interviewing me, not her.

Another example is when I booked my own appointment at my GP's office to discuss my meds and get an up on my dose. My mom called me while I was leaving, wanting me to come over and babysit. She asked what I was doing, and when I told her I was leaving the GP's office because I just got my dose increased she snapped at me, saying I made her look like a bad mother and I need to tell her these things (I was living with my nana at the time by the way. I rarely spoke to my mom at the time unless she needed me to lend her money or babysit).

I feel upset when I see my sister because she's grown into a little version of my mother, and my mom's killing her. My mom blames everything but herself, saying my sister must have a genetic disorder. My mom feeds my sister to keep her quiet. My sister weighs over 100lbs at the age of 5, she has leg issues due to this, as well as respiratory and cardiological issues. She's slowly dying, and my mom fails to acknowledge that, too occupied with herself.

My mother angers me, and I need to express that. My mother ruined me.

hey guys, you ever feel like you're just kinda on the sidelines and not really part of your own friend group? like you're there, but not really *there*? 😕 that's the vibe i've been getting lately, and idk if it's just me overthinking it or what; but man, it's starting to eat at me. so, here's the scoop... i’ve got this crew that i’ve been tight with since forever. we hang out all the time, you know, it's like one of those things where they’re practically your siblings, or so i thought. we used to hit up the mall, play video games till dawn, crash at someone's place, and just vibe. but these days, it's like when they make plans, they're almost always in some secret group chat that doesn't include me. and okay, maybe it's not a "secret chat," but it sure feels like it when you're not in on the inside jokes they crack later. like, it's all “dude, remember when...?” and i'm sitting there pretending to laugh ’cause it's awkward to be the only one out. don’t get me wrong, they’re not awful or mean or anything, they just get so caught up with each other that the world tilts their way, know what i'm saying? it's like that quote from 'friends', "we were on a break!", but i'm stuck on pause. low-key, it makes me reconsider if they’re really as close as i thought or if i’m just tagging along for nostalgia’s sake. like, do you guys think history justifies hanging out, or should it be more about how you connect now? 🤔

i bring it up sometimes, dropping hints like, "oh, man, i really loved those hangouts, we should do more of that"—you know, keeping it low-key and casual, but it never really leads anywhere. maybe they're just oblivious? anyway, i try to be upbeat and supportive. you know, offer the ride, share the playlist, the works. those meme wars we have online are fun, but it ain't the same as real deal interactions. it's confusing, right? one moment they're like, "bro, where have you BEEN?", and i'm thinking, "um, here, just not included." it's a weird space to be in, stuck between wanting to confront things and just shrugging it off, hoping it’s just a phase. you ever just want to shake things up, like propose something wild, but then second-guess if they’d think you're just being overly dramatic? my input is always met with a pleasant “cool, cool,” but i never see a callback on those; maybe i’m just not the glue, you know? or perhaps the dynamics have shifted, making me more of a benchwarmer than a starter in this friendship game. idk, maybe i should diversify my friendship portfolio, start meeting new people, perhaps at school where there’s no history hanging over my head. maybe i'm overanalyzing the situation, like one of those film critics who see plot holes in just relaxed, casual hangouts. but it'd be nice if they’d actually check in and notice. but hey, what about you guys? do you have that “aha moment” where you switch things up, or just roll with it? i understand we’re all busy now, prepping for college, juggling jobs and exams, and everyone’s in their lane grinding, but making time for your homies proves crucial to maintaining the bond, don’t you think? it’s like, you defeat the final boss together, that shared victory sticks, but when solo practices become all the rage, you’d think something as small as sending a "yo wassup" would be fair game. the odds are, someday soon, i’ll find my groove again, either with them or without, since this high school drama can’t make or break me, right? let’s face it, life won’t sugarcoat itself, and we might as well take the bitter with the sweet and just sip it slowly. you sit back, take the backseat for a minute, and rethink what this chapter’s teaching you ’cause fomo is part of the deal. thanks, guys, it’s just good to let this out sometimes, you know? 😊 cheers to y’all having the patience to hear me ramble. but what’s your take? have you felt low-key sidelined by your crew, and how do you usually handle it? ✌️

I just need to rant because my lovely grandmother decided to take it into her own damn hands clean my room and throw away the shoebox I use to prop up my laptop proceeded to ask me you use that thing and yes I do use a shoebox as a laptop holder because I can not afford a real one and its easy and cheap which she is all about being cheap. Leave my fucking room alone and you wont have to fish through garbage for something you knew I used because whenever she goes up here to my room she sees me using it. I came home from work for context to my whole room being rearranged and things thrown away that she knows I use.

I don't know why I had to endure the treatment I endured. I feel like I lived surrounded by pure monsters, by people who wanted to change my life, who didn't love me. I don't know why I had to live through something like that. What did I do to the world to have to live through something like that? I had to put everyone in their place. It's as if they'd been waiting a long time for the day this would happen. I'd never seen such vengeful intent on the part of my family. I feel like it was the worst, on the part of medicine, on the part of the world.

I didn't understand why the hell the world turned against me. What did I do? I just wanted to be free from everyone. Why this eagerness to grab me? Do they think that because I'm a family member, I'm doomed to receive their punishment? They're all crazy. How many after-effects didn't they leave me with? How much did I have to write to survive the after-effects? So that these things wouldn't affect me in the future. And the psychiatrist ignores this! Why did I have to walk the path alone again? I don't understand. I feel like this is a very real reality for me. I'm having a hard time processing it fully.

It brings tears to my eyes. Why did I have to fight with my family? My departure was supposed to have made them reflect on their principles, but they weren't even capable of that. They only reflected on some brutal things, trying to figure out how to intervene with me. How could I be like this? Why the hell did I encounter such a bunch of macabre people? How long will I have to live putting them in their place? Don't they have the capacity to reflect? To learn? What the hell is wrong with them? Do you have problems there or something?

It can't be that I left for three years and these people only got worse. I can't believe it. They hit me, once, twice, three times, and now a fourth time. Who the hell needs to go to a psychiatrist? Me or them? It's clear they have serious behavioral problems. The same things happen again and again. They lack the ability to learn, they seek to do things secretly, seeking to do more harm. Why do these people only improve, leading them astray? Until when? Is it that a case in them cannot be trusted? Where is the education? I find it hard to believe that this I found is a family of mine. Personally, I say it, I admit it, it can't be that I found it, it's my blood. I can't believe this is my blood. Once again, pushing them aside, to the side, happened again. Until when?

I ask myself: Do these individuals really want family? Do these individuals really want to be with me? Where is the desire that verifies it? Where is the affection? It can't be that they're going back to the same mistakes as before. It can't be. It's clear that they don't want to get out of the same situation they're in with me. They're just making excuses, they don't want to be with me, but I've had enough of them. I've given them plenty of opportunities to change; it's been enough.

I feel totally disappointed in my family members. And not just in them, but in the doctors too, who clearly haven't reflected one bit on what happened, nothing short of a sad act of heroism. Where is a reflective world? It's impossible that no one has shared the cause of this explosion with them, it can't be. And they're healthcare workers! I can't stand these professionals any longer. Do they know how to socialize? If that's the case, it should apply to all cases, not just a select few. It's in diversity that things are seen. But what do I have to do with them? I don't see anything, I don't see effort, I don't see reflection. Where is the brainpower to move the world forward?

I feel deeply outraged. It's impossible that to this day someone suggested I celebrate Mother's Day again, as an adult, and also without knowing the circumstances, and also as someone who cares for children, and not just her, but also another who is a teacher. Why have I surrounded myself with these kinds of people? Where's the capacity for reflection? Are we just going to support the maintenance of a family structure? What if it's a façade, as is often the case, for the perpetuation of crime by one of its thousands of agents? Where's even the conscience of the citizenry? Frankly, I don't understand.

Is this what many people I've grown accustomed to wanted in people? These people are capable of bringing down a country. Am I going to be with them? For that, I'd rather pack my bags and leave forever, or at least, if I were to experience that, have the satisfaction of knowing that it was going to happen, and then formulate a support plan, but only by following the matter closely. That's being preemptive! Why does no one want to see that? Is that why no one wants to know what's going on in the environment, the people there? I mean, do I have to join them in that fall? It's not fair, I don't have to pay for the unconsciousness of others.