Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

ok so I think my sleeping problems might be getting worse

I've always, and I mean ALWAYS had trouble falling asleep at night.

But now, that problem has multiplied tenfold, and now I'm finding it hard to stay asleep if I manage to fall asleep, and then once I'm up, I'm up, there's no hope of going back to sleep.

Normally I'd ignore it and think it was normal, because trouble with sleep just is for me.

But it used to be that I'd go to bed at, like, 8:30 PM (EST) and fall asleep at like half past 10 PM (EST), but now it's I go to bed at 8:30, fall asleep at, like 1:00, wake back up at like 2:30 and am awake for the rest of the night.

Literally I can hardly focus as I'm typing this, autocorrect has been my best friend lol

but Im worried how it'll affect me in school, because I've never lost this much sleep over the span of three days.

its also affecting me getting to school in the morning, I've been more at risk of missing the bus lately because I just cant get out of bed. I try with my outfits in the morning, even when I'm tired, but tody I'm so freaking tired my outfit it a hoodie and leggings, and the leggings have a hole in the leg.

and on top of all this, I didn't see my best friend this morning and now i'm worried.

My husband cheated with his ex wife before we got married. I found out about a month before the wedding. I went ahead with the marriage because I was blindly in love. They have to talk all the time because they have a young child. I'm ok most of the time but when I have to be around his ex at sports, birthday parties, ect. It weighs on my mind. I start to scrutinize their every interaction.Last week, I was at their daughter's ball game and when she got a runner out, he looked toward his ex to share that moment with her. I've decided to quit going to going to games and this has made him mad. I also compare myself to her. She's taller, thinner, and younger. They have a friendly relationship and it eats me up. He says it's just for their daughters sake. His daughter is 8 and still sucks her thumb. We argue about this too. I want her to stop but it g do odd t bother him. I said it was embarrassing to be with her in public. He says I have mental problems and I'm being immature. What are your thoughts and or suggestions.

At 18, I recently started college at a prestigious university, which I'm thrilled about. However, my cousin, also 18, had his heart set on this school ever since middle school but was rejected. He experienced a major meltdown when he learned he didn't get in, which I only heard about since I wasn't there with him. His reaction was intense, particularly as he received his rejection just days before my acceptance arrived. My acceptance, which also included a generous scholarship, seemed to ignite a storm.

My cousin, along with my aunt and uncle, bombarded me with calls, texts, and unexpected visits, pressuring me to surrender my spot to him. He was infuriated by my acceptance, claiming his grades and dedication surpassed mine, even though I participated in numerous extracurricular activities, which he dismissed as irrelevant. He went as far as accusing me of stealing his dream, and warned me I'd likely drop out because I couldn’t handle the pressure like he could.

Their campaign to make me change schools lasted until my departure day. My cousin dropped by to declare that if I went through with attending, we were no longer family since I was so ready to snatch his dream away. Brushing off his remarks, I left for college. Now settled in, I'm enjoying my time; my classes are engaging and my roommate is fantastic. Yet, my cousin continues to lament on social stories about betrayed dreams and worthless hard work, which is quite tedious.

Imagine if this drama unfolded on a reality TV show, the viewers would have a field day! There would be team meetings, dramatic music every time my phone lit up with texts or calls from my family, and perhaps a teary confessional scene where I question my decisions under the immense family pressure. How the audience would react to this familial tension and my cousin’s public outbursts, it would probably make for some highly-rated episodes!

So, what do you guys think? Was it wrong for me to proceed with my education at this school? Should I have considered attending another institution just to keep peace in the family?

i can't believe another year has come and gone, and here i am, 54 years old, sitting back and reflecting on the events of the past year. it's been a ride full of ups and downs, hasn't it? sometimes it feels like time just slips through my fingers, like sand in an hourglass. but guess what? i survived another one, and I have my health, my family, and somehow the world feels new again. seriously though, how good is it to be surrounded by your loved ones on new year's eve, right? we were all huddled up in the living room, telling stories and laughing like a pack of hyenas. you know those moments when you're just so happy you could burst? that's what it was like. everyone was in high spirits, and looking around, i couldn't help but feel incredibly blessed. and all of them were healthy, thank God! if i'm being honest, it's challenging at times not to worry about the future. there seems to be so much uncertainty, especially with everything happening around the world. you watch the news, and it's hard not to digest all the negativity that gets thrown at you. how many times have you caught yourself thinking, "what's next?" but then i remember the quote from that one song, "life's what you make it," and i think, if i focus on the positive, maybe, just maybe, things will turn out alright. 🙂 i'm sure you can relate. sure, i've got my fair share of regrets and wish i could hit rewind on a few decisions, but that's life, isn't it? you live and you learn. i remember my parents always saying, "don't sweat the small stuff," and i'm really starting to get that now. it's like, what's the point in stressing over things you can’t change? honestly, it's been eye-opening for me to just let things be and, as the classic beatles song goes, "let it be." there's a comfort in knowing that i'm not alone in my worries and thoughts. we’re all just trying to navigate this crazy world we live in, doing our best to put one foot in front of the other. and when you take a moment to step back and look at the bigger picture, you see the beauty in the chaos. speaking of beauty, i can’t help but gush about nature and how it's been my saving grace through all of this. you ever just go outside, take a deep breath, and remind yourself of all the things you're thankful for? i try to do it as often as possible. maybe i'm just getting sappy with age, but every time i hear the birds chirping or feel the breeze against my face, i can't help but thank the earth for its never-ending wonder. there's something so grounding about connecting with nature. it puts everything into perspective for me. you ever notice how everything just feels right when you're sitting under a starlit sky, lost in your thoughts? it’s like the universe is telling you, "hey, don’t worry too much." i guess what i'm trying to say is that, through all the uncertainties, I’m grateful for what I have. i’ve been blessed with a supportive family who lights up even my darkest days and friends who are like family, who always have my back. you can't buy that kind of love, you know? it’s priceless. when you strip away everything else, isn't that what life’s about? creating memories with the people who matter the most is what makes it all worthwhile. sure, i might not have all the riches in the world, and my bank account is nothing to brag about, but feeling this deep sense of gratitude is richer than any treasure could ever make me. the question now is, as we move forward, how do we keep this mindset? how do we keep reminding ourselves of what's truly important when life throws us a curveball? i know i’ll try my best, even if it means slipping up here and there. so, yeah, thank you, earth, for everything you've given me – more than I could ever ask for. here's to another year of figuring things out, loving the people close to us, and appreciating the small joys day by day. let's keep reminding ourselves to breathe and take life as it comes because it's the only way we’re truly going to make the most of what we have. what are your thoughts? looking forward to hearing your take!

Hey everyone, just last week my flatmate Sophie hit me with some pretty big news—she’s pregnant, and not just a little bit, she’s seven months in! It began with a text from her saying we needed to talk urgently, and naturally, I assumed she’d be moving out to find a bigger place with her boyfriend when the baby arrives. Surprisingly, it was quite the opposite; she told me I have to leave to make room for the nursery and for her boyfriend to move in.

Now, here's where it stings; I'm not rolling in dough, I’m actually on an incredibly tight budget and can’t afford another place to live! Nonetheless, Sophie insisted that I need to vacate the apartment immediately to give her space to prepare for her new arrival. Looking around, the rental scene in our area is just insane—everything's either way over my budget or downright dilapidated.

When I tried to explain this to Sophie, things pretty much blew up. She accused me of sabotaging her experience of motherhood by not giving up my spot for her and her growing family. I do pay my share of the rent, and my name is on the lease until the year’s end. I stood my ground, telling her that if she's the one needing different accommodations, it should be her who moves. I even offered to find another roommate to cover the rent with me.

This set her off even more, making her cry, and her boyfriend even stepped in to tell me to back off and leave them alone. Since then, she hasn't stopped sobbing, but I really think I’m not wrong here for wanting to stay.

Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to move out?

Imagine if this whole drama unfolded on a reality TV show—there would definitely be cameras zooming in on every teary disagreement and probably confessional booths where I'd vent about being pushed out of my own home. Viewers would no doubt be picking sides, voting on whether I should fight my ground or just pack up and go for peace’s sake. It would be a whole spectacle, surrounded by public opinion and probably swaying some sympathy votes from the audience.

lately, it’s like i’m walking around in my own body but everything feels off. like im not really here, like someone swapped out the real me and left this weird, tired, distant version behind. i still do all the same things—wake up, go to work, see people, even laugh at jokes—but none of it feels right. there’s this weird fog in my head, and even when im smiling, it doesn’t feel real. i keep thinking back to how i used to be. more energetic, more excited, more… alive, i guess. but now? now i just go through the motions and hope no one notices how weird everything feels inside. it’s like my brain is on autopilot and i’m just watching. and what’s worse is i can’t even explain it properly when someone asks what’s wrong? cuz i don’t know. i don’t know when it started, or why, or what triggered it. all i know is that i don’t feel like myself anymore—and that terrifies me.

some days are worse than others. sometimes i wake up and for a second i feel okay, like maybe today’s the day it breaks and i’ll feel normal again. but then something small happens—like i forget something stupid or someone says something in a tone that hits wrong—and boom, it’s back. the emptiness, the disconnection. i try to force myself to do the things i used to love. music, movies, friends, even food. but they don’t hit the same. i keep waiting to feel something spark again, something that says “yes, this is you,” but it just… doesn’t come. nd the more i try to force it, the more fake i feel. like i’m pretending to be okay because im supposed to be okay. i mean, nothing major is happening, i have a roof, a job, people around me. but still, this weight sits on me like i’m broken in a way no one else can see.

i thought maybe it was stress. maybe burnout or something. or maybe it’s just one of those phases people go through when they’re figuring stuff out. but it’s been weeks now, maybe even months, and i still don’t feel right. i’ve started pulling away from people cuz i don’t know how to be around them when i feel like a stranger in my own skin. i cancel plans or show up and zone out the whole time. nd it’s not that i don’t love my friends, i do. but i feel like im watching myself from the outside, doing and saying what i’m supposed to, while inside i’m just numb. or sad. or tired. or all of it. nd it makes me feel guilty too. like i’m wasting time, ruining things, making people worry when i don’t even have a good reason. so i just say i’m fine, just tired, hoping no one digs deeper, cuz i wouldn’t even know what to tell them if they did.

i just want to feel like me again. i want to wake up and not feel like i’m bracing for something i can’t even name. i want to look in the mirror and recognize what’s behind my eyes, not this dull, distant look that doesn’t match the person i remember being. i miss that version of me—the one who laughed loud without forcing it, who got excited over small things, who didn’t feel so... out of place in her own life. i don’t know how to get back there. or if i even can. but i’m trying. slowly. some days, just getting out of bed feels like progress. and maybe that’s all i can do right now. keep trying, keep showing up, even if i feel like a ghost of myself. cuz somewhere deep down, i know i’m still here. i have to believe that. even if i don’t feel like myself right now... maybe, someday, i will again.

so this morning in the hall on my way to Band class, a friend of mine passed, one of the Special Ed kids. Usually he just waves at me, and I smile and wave back, but today he said, "Can I have a hug?" And I said, "Sure!" and that was hours ago and I'm still smiling. That little interaction made my day a little better :D

here's your reminder that even the smallest of things, a little smile, a hug, even a compliment can brighten someone's day just a little!

i am a girl with a problem that feels basic and annoying, and i hate how predictable it makes me look. i have a biiiig crush on my best friend, the kind that leaks into every interaction like a system failure you can’t debug. we talk every day, share meals, share silence, share the boring logistics of life, and my brain keeps running a risk assessment that always ends in the same useless conclusion. i monitor my tone, manage boundaries, and pretend this is just normal friendship maintenance, when really it is emotional labor i never agreed to. the attachment feels asymmetrical, like i am over-invested in an asset with zero guarantees, and i am aware of it in a cold, technical way. i can label the feeling, map the triggers, and still not shut it down. i hate that i replay conversations for signal-to-noise ratio, searching for proof that i am not delusional. i hate that i am this careful, becuase careful people don’t fall this hard, or so i thought.

the worst part is that nothing is actually wrong, which makes it harder to justify my irritation. she is kind, consistent, and emotionally literate, which somehow makes the situation worse. there is no villain, just me quietly failing at self regulation. sometimes i catch myself acting like a product manager of my own feelings, prioritizing features like closeness while postponing the obvious bug fix. i keep thinking i can optimize my behavior, that if i tweak the inputs i will get a different output, but that is not how humans work. i know the standard advice about communication and honesty, and i know the potential fallout, and my brain runs through the scenarios like a compliance checklist. i don’t want to contaminate the friendship pipeline, but i also don’t want to keep investing in something that is draining my bandwidth. i feel stupid for wanting more, and i feel rude for resenting her for not magically knowing, which is unfair and definately on me.

so here i am, venting like this is a controlled environment instead of a mess. i keep things factual, almost clinical, to avoid admitting how much it hurts. i don’t romanticize it, i don’t write poems, i just log the data and feel tired. part of me wants to disclose and accept the consequences, part of me wants to de-escalate and reclaim my autonomy, and both options look bad on paper. i wonder if this is just an attachment style issue or if i am ignoring a clear internal warning. i don’t know how long i can keep pretending that my best friend is not the central variable in my emotional equation, and i am starting to feel a little bitter about it 😐. have you ever stayed silent in a friendship like this and called it maturity, when maybe it was just fear and alot of avoidance dressed up as logic?

I'm 24 and have been eagerly planning my spring wedding. One of my bridesmaids, who also happens to be my childhood best friend and is 22, has always been a big part of my life. Our personalities aren’t much alike; she’s much more sheltered and deeply religious compared to me. Five months ago, she started dating her first serious boyfriend and they're quite serious about each other, partly because he shares her religious beliefs and background. It’s quite likely they’ll end up married too, since they were each other’s first serious romantic partners.

In weddings, typically the bridal party pairs up, walking down the aisle and entering the reception together. However, my friend expressed a concern to me: she feels it would be disrespectful to her relationship if she were to walk with one of the groomsmen. Instead, she proposed that her boyfriend walk with her during these key moments—just walk with her then return to his seat, not actually be a part of the wedding party itself.

Honestly, I find this request a bit odd and I'm leaning towards saying no because it might disrupt the flow and traditional appearance of the wedding procession and reception introductions. Although I don’t believe her boyfriend suggested this idea, it does seem aligned with her own values, yet I can't shake off feeling that this could create an awkward situation. If I refuse, I suspect she won’t back out from her role as a bridesmaid, but it might strain our relationship as she could think I'm not respecting her relationship.

What's puzzling is how to handle this situation delicately without causing a fuss. If this were some sort of reality show drama, you'd expect the cameras zooming in as I navigate this friendship-testing dilemma. How would the audience react to each decision? Would they side with tradition or personal respect for her relationship? The pressure would definitely be amped up with public opinion thrown into the mix!

In a situation like this, how would you handle it if you were being watched by an audience? Would you stick to wedding traditions or customize the procession to respect your friend's relationship?

I want to start this off by saying that my dad isn't too bad most of the time. most of what he does, he does because he thinks it is the best thing for us. and a lot of the issues that I have with him are caused by the way that he was raised. I do love my dad, but sometimes he does things that hurt me a lot emotionally, even if it is unintentional.

the thing that I am really upset about right now is that he just threatened to shoot my dogs. I have a couple dogs that live inside the house. one of them has some issues with going potty inside the house. this is largely in part due to the fact that the lady who owned my dog before me never took her dogs outside, and trained them to use a litter box i side the house. now my dog never wants to go outside, but we do the best we can to make sure that she spends enough time out there. that being said, she still makes a mess I side every now and then. it is certainly not ideal, but i clean it up and move on with the day. well, today, she had another one of those accidents and my dad found it. he got all pissed off and threatened to unlike both of my dogs. I doubt he would even actually do this, but it still really hurts to have to picture my life without them in it. I love them so much, and I can't understand why he would threaten to take that away. he saw how hurt I was when our past dog passed. I could barely function, and I still miss her every day. I know that he thinks that saying that is just tough love and will make the problem better, but all that it does is cause unnecessary hurt and resentment. I wish I could talk to him about this, but he is the kind of person who doesn't want to listen to his teenage daughter once he gets an idea in his head because he wants to be the man of the house. I have tried talking to him about these issues, but he never listens. so I have just given up. I know he doesn't mean anything by it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. especially since he knows how hurt I would be if anything happened to them.

the second big issue that I need to talk about is the church that he makes us go to. it is a Christian church, but it is horrible. it uses heavy fear mongering tactics, while preaching about love. the church is also quite sexist. they talk about love all the time, yet anytime anyone stops going to church or believes something different, they will turn their backs on them. I have grown up seeing my cousins stop going to church, and then hearing my family talk about how they are going down the wrong path and how terrible it is. they act like the worst thing a person could do is stop going to church. then when someone tries to ask a question and understand what is going on, they aren't met with love. they are met with yelling and anger because they are questioning the church. this to me seems the opposite of love and understanding. then, people preach about how we are worthless and there is no other good church out there. they also have extremely strict rules that if you don't follow, will keep you out of heaven. and of course, those rules are more strict for women. we are judged for not dressing a certain way, or for even being outgoing and vocal about your opinions. I can't wait to leave the stupid church, but i know that my dad is going to be upset with me. and then I am going to have to explain why I left, which is going to be terrifying. so unfortunately, I am stuck until I move out. I don't think he would disown me or anything for leaving, but he would definitely be upset. and I already know exactly how they are going to gossip about me. and don't get me wrong, religion has done a lot of good for a lot of people. but it has also been used as a tool to hurt and control a lot of people. I was brainwashed for the longest time to believe that I had such a wonderful family, and that I was so lucky that I was born into this church. then I started to realize how messed up everything was, and how messed up my extended family is that goes there. I don't have time to get into all the details right now, but just know that it is really bad. now, I can't stand anything to do with religion. it has been shoved down my throat so much all my life, that I can't have anything to do with it. which is tough because I would love to be part of a good, loving church community, but I just can't do that right now, and probably won't be able to for a long time. anyway, thanks for reading all of this, I hope you have a great day

Dealing with my parents relationship slowly falling apart. About 5 years ago my dad had stopped working and became a stay at home dad, except he never hung out with me or even was a dad, he was just a stranger in the house always on the couch looking at screen. I have to beg him just to make dinner, he soon turned depressive. My mom works multiple jobs, nannies multiple families, shoe store, gym, community center, and for rich families to look after their kids. My mom has been recently telling my dad to get a job, he brushes it off. So now my mom has began to be frustrated.

Present time about 3 weeks ago, I was in the car with my mom, driving me to hangout with my friend of 7 years. She suddenly speaks, "Hey, lilly-bug (nickname)... I want to divorce your dad. It's just that he hasn't been a good dad and hasn't been working, after 5 years laying around.." okay. Sure mom. I support you. I agree. I'm okay. Seriously I'm okay. Right? Anyway. I respond with a nod and tears spilling. She then speaking again, "I didn't think you liked him anyway, he never did anything for you..." you're right. He is a lousy piece of shit. But that's why I love him. I WANT TO KNOW HIM AND FEEL HIS LOVE GOD DAMNIT. but I'll never get that. Hell not even a damn hug. But I'll have to accept that. Not every family is perfect is it? There's always one person ruining it. Okay. I nod and start crying harder, causing her to say, "Come on, Lilly Jayne... Don't make me feel guilty.." GUILTY!? DON'T MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY? Mom you just crushed my world. You told me my life is going to change. And don't call me that or hold my hand. You'll only make me cry harder. So I force myself to stop crying but her words keep making it harder. I don't know why I'm so sensitive, she tells me that the world is mean and you have to be strong.

time skip. To Saturday. We were coming home from my grandma's house as I stayed the week, I love my grandparents,my grandpa is my father figure, i don't know what I would do if he died. Probably start cutting I don't know. Anyway. As we were driving we stop to get a drink, after we got a drink she says, "I've started to sleep downstairs in chrissys old room." uh. Yes it's confirmed, they are divorcing. I feel insane. So I just nod while gripping my pants as I tried to not cry. I don't know why I'm so sensitive. We just sat in uncomfortable silence.

And now this is present time. I can't look my parents in the eyes. Or even hangout with them. I cry every fucking night, hoping that my parents could just love each other and be mutual. Also I have to cook for myself and I'm in my early teens.

Three months ago, our family grew with the arrival of our first child. As expected, adjusting to this new life has been challenging for both my partner and me. Our little one hasn't started sleeping through the night yet, and we're both tackling full-time jobs again. In the past, dividing housework equally has worked well for us, but recently, my husband's efforts have been slipping.

For instance, he was responsible for cleaning the baby bottles one evening, and they were so poorly done that I had to wash them all over again. He accidentally dropped the breast pump parts into the garbage disposal and damaged them. Additionally, he has neglected to properly clean some clothes after our baby's messes, leading to permanent stains. These incidents have been increasing, and it's becoming frustrating.

I've tried discussing this with him gently, acknowledging that fatigue is a factor but stressing the need for care in our responsibilities. His response is always about how exhausted he is from balancing work with home duties. I’m empathetic because I'm also stretched thin from working, pumping, recovering postpartum, and managing our home and child. However, when he failed to refrigerate the breast milk I had pumped and it spoiled, I reached my limit.

He said he'd manage everything that evening so I could get some rest. Grateful, I went to bed only to discover the next morning that the milk had been left out. He apologized, mentioning he sat down to unwind with a TV show and unintentionally fell asleep. That's when I made a unilateral decision to cancel our streaming subscriptions, PlayStation Plus, and theme park passes to afford a housekeeper. My rationale was simple: if he's too tired for basic chores, he's too tired for video games or day trips as well. We still have cable and other leisure activities but I believed hiring help would allow us both to catch up on some much-needed rest.

The backlash from him was severe; he was angry that I made these changes without his input. I thought I was making a helpful decision for us under the circumstances.

If this scenario played out in a reality show, viewers might range from supportive to critical of my decision. Cameras amplifying our household tension and my drastic solution could lead to heated debates among fans on whether my actions were justified or if I should have sought more dialogue before cutting off entertainment as a means to introduce household help.

Am I wrong for hiring a housekeeper without discussing it first?

I just need to yell at something right now in the middle of my ELA class and this is the only way I can figure out how because all the stress relief websites are blocked, i cant stab myself with pencil, yell at a teacher or blow up, and I need to look like i'm doing something. I am so unbelievably angry with my grades on an essay. everyone hates my teacher because he is super strict, crushes dreams and gives a lot of homework. I don't HATE him because I don't hate anyone and like to think of myself as a very empathetic person, but I am THIS close to pounding my head against a table because it is finals week and I had accepted the uselessness of this school support system months ago, yet here I am growing more frustrated. Between the repetitive mental health presentations, blaming of social media and high expectations, I have been stretched as thin as everyone else. Grades aren't bad in my family. They can't be. In middle school I worked extra hard to get straight A's, and was almost done with eighth grade when I learned that those grades don 't even count for anything on the long run. By then It was too late to change the way of existing that was drilled into me, and I even felt glad that I would have practice for high school, when the grades would go on my record. well here I am, halfway through the year and I have never been more tired. in addition, my grades have never been worse. Since the year began, I have volunteered twice, helped out at a bake sale, got first chair in band, learned to play hockey from the ground up, written 26 essays, ACTUALLY studied, prepared a duet piece with my friend for a competition, signed up for an extra online class outside of school for credit, joined weightlifting and marching band, stopped my friend from unaliving herself, gave up art for college credit classes, privately entered a short story contest, and not missed a single day. not when I got sick, not even after a car crash we got into on the way to school. I don't skip. I do my work. I have supportive friends. And here I am, wishing I could die. I think my body is trying to kill me. My stomach turns at the thought of eating anything, but I force myself to anyways because I need to have enough energy for hockey and dragging my backpack around, and I can't help but fight against my melatonin each night to stay awake for hours because my head keeps rushing and it's the only time of day when I can actually relax. I have to drag myself into the shower, and stopped wearing earrings, which sounds dumb and small but for me it feels noticeable. I am known for my giant, unique earrings, or at least i was, and they were one of the only things that made my feel like myself. Now, things like that don't feel worth the energy. But despite being exhausted, despite wishing I could end it all, I just can't. I know it would devastate my family and friends, and I just feel too busy to focus on any of that. I hate living, I hate trudging through the day, I hate working so hard I want to cry, and I hate that i'm failing anyway. I have A-s and B-s, which will never be enough to get me into a good college or have a meaningful future. My grandfather wants me to go to Cambridge or some Swedish university, and I want to make a difference in the world or something idk, But even if I had a 4.0, I would have to stand out somehow to be accepted anywhere. I've never been good at remembering or getting things in on time, but it's caused me to become a genius at lying. Excuses. Gaining sympathy. Taking advantage of my charm and empathy. I can get teachers to really like me without being a suck-up, and when I forget to turn something in, all it takes is a creative and specific story about a computer problem or something that is somehow their fault. I won't say I wish I didn't do it, but I can't, because it works and the extra time makes decision paralysis a little more bearable. AND YET STILL. STILL. I'M F*&KING FAILING AND NOTHING I DO SEEMS TO HELP! nothing I sacrifice, nothing I skip out on, nothing I do to myself helps. not even the "giving yourself breaks" things helps, because it never makes me feel any less tired and just sets me back. Even now, I am spending precious time in class to write this instead of editing a failed essay because I feel like it's the only way I won't scream. a 30/50. Handwritten, three-page report on irony used in To Kill a Mockingbird. Last essay, he told me to divide into more paragraphs. Now, the paper is covered in barely-readable scribbles that say things like "why did you indent again?" "dividing information makes it confusing" "And... WHAT?". The worst part, he acts like HE IS THE VICTIM! I have never met a more bitter man. He spends all class long harping about how the system has stuck him in a thankless gob where we stupid kids don't even listen to him after spending his whole life in school, like a martyr. He tells us that maybe if we studied instead of playing games on our computers, we would be as good as his AP class, or make an essay that was actually readable. It makes me fume. Infuriated at the way he doesn't seem to understand that we are fighting just to stay alive and people like me can't even have fun anymore, even if we had time. The worst part is that even if he did understand, I doubt he would care because this is the bare minimum for everybody. Dying every day and running on 5 hours of sleep. hating yourself and constantly competing. Sinking into depression in the back of your mind without having a minute to spare on escaping. There is no escaping. This is our reality. Our lives. Our fated failure. This is what they have made for us, and yet we are still told we aren't good enough.

Being 31 sucks, man. Three months ago, I found myself on the ass-end of a layoff. My company had the nerve to tell me it was all 'cause of AI. Seriously? It's way more convenient to pin it on some sexy-tech revolution to pacify the stakeholders than to admit they just don't give a damn about those who actually bust their chops on the ground. Does anybody else sense this BS?

I've been scouring for jobs, pounding the pavement, and combing through job sites till my eyeballs gave out. Three months have gone by, and voilà—zilch, nada, nothing! Every "We regret to inform you" email slices deeper. Somehow that whole "dream big, you can achieve anything" mantra outran its welcome when all the job openings want people with no life, endless patience, and a unicorn-level of expertise. Are any of these hiring managers in touch with reality?

Nothing makes sense anymore. Each day is like re-living the Groundhog Day loop but without Bill Murray's charm. People say, "You just gotta keep plugging away," but when you've got rent gnawing at your heels and the radio's blurting out how AI's making sectors disappear, you start to think, "Why's this brick wall so damn peaceful?" Alan Watts once said, "The meaning of life is just to be alive." Right now, that's easier said than done. Who even has time to listen to that anymore?

It feels like drowning, frankly. It's not like I'm new to challenges, but fighting for a mere slice of the pie when it's been swiped out by non-human hands feels like some bad plot twist. You'd think there's a magic portal out of this numb-nuts existence, but no. All I want is to stop feeling like a hamster in a wheel, spinning with nowhere to get off. Does anyone out there get it? Or is existential crisis just a Tuesday thing now?

I vent not with malice but out of desperation and a sorta-shaky hope that commiseration might exist beyond my four walls. Maybe it’s time to pivot and think beyond what was once considered job security - maybe I'm just supposed to keep calm and carry on? Whatever dull wisdom that might hold, life sure feels meaningless right now. Staring at these walls makes as much sense as the crap I've been fed about AI. Are we left to merely grit our teeth and shout into the void without getting drowned out?

So, I've always been pretty sure in myself. I always believed that I knew myself well and I have always been sure in my personality. I don't know if this is just me overthinking, but I am turning 17 soon and I have realized that I don't really know if there is much depth to my personality. I have done a lot of growing in recent years, and I am far different know from the person I used to be. which is to be expected as a kid growing up. the only issue is that know I don't really know who I am. I know what I like, and don't like, but that's about it. sometimes I wonder if I am emulating my personality from certain aesthetics that I like. most of it feels like me, but sometimes I wonder if I am trying to hard to fit into one box, and other times I feel like I need to commit to one group so that I don't feel like an outsider. but my biggest issue is that I really don't know myself. and I am deeply afraid of having a shallow personality. I wonder if thats why I have a tough time making friends, or if thats why some of my friends will forget about me or ignore me. I realize that I am probably thinking into this too much, but I really am afraid of having a weak personality. does anyone have any advice for how to fix this and become a more interesting person? or for how to become more assured in myself? I really don't know why this has been bugging me so much. I think its worse because I used to be so self assured and know that I am getting older I am realizing that there are things about me that people don't like and it is just a lot to take in. anyway, thanks for being here for my rant