Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Everyone in my school hates me now, I started this new school and I ended up dating this girls ex and I ended up causing half the school to hate me, now I get bullied over and over again by people and all my friends keep going to other schools, not only that but my depression is coming back and I feel like I can't talk to anybody because nobody wants to listen.

My parents won't get me a therapist when I know I need one. I'm unable to get diagnosed with anything because I'm too young and it's always just "hormones" ugh I wish someone would just listen to me

I don't plan on being around much longer, I don't see the point of it, I'm so tired of everything, the bullying, the mood swings, I've had this idea in my head for ages now, one where I don't wanna be here anymore, I've tried before, multiple times and it's never worked, I just want it to work or for me to get better, I don't know what to do but I'm so tired of being here.

I am in a very bad period right now and I keep asking the same dumb question, what happens when you cry too much, because I think I am doing some kind of damage and nobody says anything usefull about it. I do not mean one dramatic cry and then sleep. I mean a stupid repeated event, like my body is running a broken program and the output is tears, pain, more tears. My eyes burn all day. The skin under them is red and sore and kind of hot. My nose keeps switching between blocked and leaking and I am honestly sick of this gross fluid circus. My head feels packed with pressure, mostly around the forehead and sinuses, and I cannot tell if that is stress, inflammation, fatigue, dehydration, or just me going to hell in small pieces. Have you ever cried so much your throat hurt after even when you were not even speaking anymore? Because that keeps happening to me and it feels absurd. My chest gets tight. My breathing goees weird. I try to regulate it like some proper adult with self-control and then some tiny useless thing happens and I break again. People keep saying crying is healthy and that is such lazy crap. Too much of anything becomes wear and tear. That is basic logic. The autonomic system goes into overdrive, pulse elevated, muscles rigid, stomach unstable, sleep architecture ruined. Yes I know how that sounds, too clinical maybe, but what else am I supposed to call it when my whole body acts like it is under constant load. I drink water and still feel dry. I close my eyes and they twitch. I sit still and my face feels swollen and wrong, like it belongs to some miserable stranger. Maybe that is normal; maybe I am just weak and making it bigger in my own head, but I do not think so. I think the body can only process so much crying before it starts billing you for it. That is what this feels like. A bill. A penalty. A system notice saying I exceeded tolernce and now every part is irritated.

What makes it worse is that I do not even cry for one clean reason now, which would at least make sense. It used to be one event, one loss, one insult, one actual cause. Now it is procedural and embarassing. I spill coffee, I cry. I answer a message, I cry. I cannot find socks, I cry, which is pathetic and yes I know it sounds stupid as hell. Last week I cried in the shower so long my legs felt weak after and I had to sit on the floor because standing felt too complex for me at that point. Yesterday I cried before eating, during eating, and after, which is disgusting and probably not ideal if we are pretending I am a functioning person. My appetite is unstable. My stomach does this acid thing, then hollow, then nausea, then nothing. Sleep is fragmented and thin. Concentration is bad. I read the same line three times and still do not absorb it. Cognition feels blunted, like every crying episode strips off one more layer of function and leaves me dumber and slower. Maybe I am overstatng it. Maybe I am not. I doubt everything now, including basic symptoms, because being like this makes you feel insane and cheap. But I can still observe facts. I get headaches, facial pain, shaky hands, fatigue, dry mouth, a sore throat, and this ugly emotional hangover that does not clear by morning. I become rude because I am tired and honestly angry. I sound formal because if I say it plain I will probably just start swearing like a complete animal. So here is the direct version. I do not know how my body could react if this keeps going. Maybe nothing dramatic happens. Maybe I just keep degrading in these small, mean, stupid ways until this becomes my standard operating condition. That thought scares me more than one big collapse, actualy. Slow failure is still failure, and I am tired of pretending this is just sadness when it feels more like prolonged physical malfunction.

Vent cause I Need to get this out of my head. I am really sorry for falling behind in school and tests, and being dead weight and making 10 out of 11 people in my classroom hate my guts. But the past three months have been absolute hell. I've gotten stranded in the middle of road, in winter, three times. Have been sick and grieving twice. And Just anxious and overworked in general. I won't ever tell them that cause I do know it's also my fault. Cause I can't get It together. I just can't. I've tried. A lot of everything for almost 6-ish years now, being dead-tired, overwhelmed and anxious. I don't do It on purpose and I hate being dead weight but this Is just the best i can do right now. Sometimes none of the things I try work. And I end up where i am right now, sick, dead tired and with a test tomorrow. Wish me luck. I'll probably survive. 🤧

Recently I’ve found out I have something called aphantasia, this is where you don’t have a “mental image”. When I close my eyes I don’t actually physcially see anything, which I thought was the norm. I don’t know why, but this has been seriously getting to me. I feel like there’s something wrong with me, and it compounds to making me feel worse because why am I so upset I don’t see pictures when I close my eyes? Also on top of that, I was preparing to go on a dmt trip, something I was so excited for, only to learn people with aphantasia are far less likely to ever break through.

Im considering ending it tonight because Im tired of being treated like Im some stupid step child by my own grandmother its either that or I call my dad and see if I cant move me and my pets over to his farm

No worries stalking me as long as you have a male phalange

Me and my partner have been together almost 2 years this year, and recently his mother passed away so I really tried my best to show my support from him and even try to cheer him up, I'm not rushing for him to get better immediately since losing someone you love isn't easy. But by the time he's shwoing positive energy or vibes around me and even saying that he already moved on as I further asked him if he is okay and such, I thought that everything would go back to normal.

Yesterday I accidentally fall asleep because I was really tired, but I didn't chat my partner that I fell asleep and such. So he's been giving me the cold shoulder which i really hate because its hard to make up with him when he's acting like that, but as much as possible I really tried to put my pride down as due to the issue that he is dealing with.

Just today I was asking if he is okay then he lashes out to me entirely on how he waited for hours and I didn't even bother updating him, even a simple one would've been nice he said, which I repeatedly kept saying my reason but he's still angry at me.

This hasn't been the first time that it happened but it's slowly killing me inside, I know that I should consider and try to understand his feelings that's why as much as possible when he's angry at me I dont argue with him and repeatedly kept saying sorry and I'll try to be better. One of the things that has marked my mind is that after I said that I'll be better ge said back to me that "you're only making it worst" and by the time that I need to go hom at his mom's funeral I happen to overhear the word "irritating" which I think he was referring to me because I kept on insisting that I need to go hom because I needed tl do something.

I'm really trying my best even pushing myself out of my boundaries even sometimes disobeying my parents orders just to be with him, it's slowly hurting the pain that I have been repeatedly been feeling over and over and over again keeps building up why is it unfair when it comes to me. Whenever I get angry it doesn't have to be like this complicated and hard to reach out to me why when it comes to him I would struggle a lot.

Im slowly getting tired, I still love him but im getting tired, I want to keep going but it's getting harder and harder.

I just want everything to end

just been wondering, why do i feel like my boyfriend doesn't love me???? i mean, he used to be so into everything we did together, y'know? now, it's like, all he does is zone out or scroll through his phone whenever we hang. 🤔 i might be overthinking, but this sudden distance is really messing with my head. was it something i said or did?? or is he just into someone else????

sometimes i think back to when we first started dating. those were the days!!! we'd talk for hours!!! laugh at the dumbest things!!! and just vibe like crazy!!!!! but now it seems like there's this invisible wall between us, and it's thick as hell. 🤷‍♀️ he used to be so attentive, but these days, trying to get him to open up is like pulling teeth. do guys just naturally go through this weird phase, or is it more serious than that????

and what's with the mixed signals??? one minute he's showering me with affection, and the next he's a ghost. makes me wonder if he's really that into me, or if he's just playing games to keep things interesting. 😒 can't help but think that maybe i'm just not enough for him. am i just being paranoid or does anyone else feel the vibe shift as intense as i do???? can't be the only one, right??

anyway, i've tried talking to him about it, but it always ends the same way. he brushes it off like i'm just seeing things, or worse, he gets defensive. is it wrong to want some reassurance every now and then???? it's not like i'm asking for the world, just a little bit of effort, you know?? feels like i'm the only one trying to make this work, and that's just, ugh, frustrating. 😤 i'm really at a loss here, like, what should i even do next????

who knows, maybe i'm overanalyzing the whole thing. maybe this is just a phase or something. but if he's really not feeling it anymore, then what's the point???? just want things back to how they were before all this crap started!!!! things should be simple, like, why complicate them?? bottom line is, if it doesn't improve, we might just be over. and that's just brutal to think about. so, what do you reckon??? am i being dramatic???? or is it time to face the music and move on???? 😕

(its a fictional language it's not meant to be understood and I don't want feedback. don't reply to this.)

Sín, menskine kenniii. Wērn f mar esferski lexunis overwhelmed ankestor mendun mar esferski menskine enich jealous, sín, menskine kenniii. Wērn n mar esferski enich boziini munix laefter okrúnté, e esferski lukuntämä ketaint, sín menskine kenniii. Makrëp lexunis ter pressure lofe kemá mei lexunisen estômen, sín menskine kenniii. Agutén, mon menskine enich, ankestor mendanki kexądt laefter kennalesek elivia menskine enich jealous

Well, let me start by saying that I have a pretty small family. It's just me, my mom, my grandpa, and my aunt. I hate her, you know. She's 36, but she acts like a child. She lashes out at all of us, she gets jealous when we get something new, and she thinks we should buy her the same thing. Once she even wished (in front of my mom, her sister) that I would die of cancer (because I have a tumor) just because we upset her somehow, I don't even remember why she was unhappy. She had a boyfriend, but now they've broken up.

And here's the problem — New Year's. For several months, I begged my mom not to celebrate with my aunt, saying that I didn't want to because it wouldn't be a celebration, but just a nightmare. She would be jealous that I got presents, she would be unhappy about everything, she would get drunk, and I just don't want that. But the day before yesterday, when we were celebrating Christmas, she showed up, and my mom is too much of a people pleaser to say no. And now she thinks we're going to celebrate New Year's together. But I DON'T WANT that, and thinking about it makes me want to cry. And I'm telling my mom to do something about it while there's still a chance. Am I a terrible person for this? For not wanting to celebrate with her? I know it will lead to a scandal, but I'm tired of everyone worrying only about her feelings when, I remind you, she is a 36-year-old woman and the fact that she has no one to spend New Year's Eve with is entirely her fault. We shouldn't have to suffer because of it.

So, my question is, do I have the right to demand this? I don't want to compromise, I just want to celebrate with my mom. And at the same time (I know it's just my mental problems, blah blah blah), I feel guilty for not wanting to celebrate, I know. But I know that it will be a 100% ruined holiday.

Earlier this week at school, I had an experience that felt overwhelming, and I’m not sure how to explain it. At first, I thought it was a panic attack because my heart was racing, and I felt so on edge. But it went deeper than that. It felt like everyone was watching me—like every move I made was being scrutinized. Even thoughI looks around and everyone’s mouths were shut, I could hear whispering about how I just just die or how I’m walking weird or that I’m ugly. It felt like I had to control every little movement, or people would know that something was wrong with me.

 

Then, there was this moment in the hallway when I felt someone grab my shoulders. I turned around, expecting to see my friend, but there was no one there. I looked behind me more than once, but I still felt that pressure, like hands were there even though I couldn’t see them. It wasn’t just physical; it felt like someone was standing behind me, and the sensation wouldn’t go away.

 

My emotions were completely out of control. I couldn’t focus on anything, and my mind was racing so fast it was hard to process what was happening around me. When people tried to talk to me, it felt impossible to keep up with a conversation. I could only respond with one or two words, and even that felt like a huge effort.

 

It got so bad I’d look at a wall, and it seemed like it was moving, almost rippling. My brain would pick out random scribbles or patterns and turn them into faces or shapes, like it was trying to make sense of things that weren’t really there. It was beyond terrifying and terrifying, but I didn’t feel like I could explain it to anyone. But it felt like I was losing myself

 

After school, I went straight to my car, but I couldn’t even drive. I just sat there, completely, talking to myself. I’m not even sure how long I was sitting there—I lost track of time. Eventually, my sister called because she was worried about me not being home. Her call kind of snapped me out of it enough to drive home, but the feeling of being trapped in my own head stayed with me for the rest of the day.

 

I've been dying to write a singer-songwriter style song for a LONG time now

so here we go

I only have a chorus

here it is:

you say, you say,

"Everything's gonna be

okay okay"

Like you've done this before

But you ain't done this before

So don't say, don't say,

Cause nothing will be

okay, okay

Cause you ain't done this before

And I ain't done this before

And I also want there to be a part that goes:

And now I long to see

What do you still see in me?

But I'm struggling with the verses

so If I get something good I'll post it here bc my IRL friends are tried of hearing me yap abt my songs-

My brother-in-law recently approached me with a request for his birthday - he wanted me to buy him a new bed. It's been a struggle for him financially; he shares an apartment with our mother-in-law and barely makes ends meet. His monthly income is around $1,000 at best, and he often can't cover his share of the rent. He holds a job at a local fast food joint, working merely 16 hours a week over two days, and he resists the idea of picking up more shifts. He says the job exacerbates his anxiety, particularly because his manager doesn’t allow him to listen to music or use his mobile phone during shifts, which he feels infringes on his personal freedoms.

When he called, he also mentioned a list of desired birthday gifts that he circulates annually among family members (he's 24, mind you), with the bed being a top priority since he’s been sleeping on a sofa ever since he moved back in with his mother. While I didn’t mind the idea of spending $200 on the bed, his financial management seemed questionable.

This became evident when I learned that he was planning a lavish week-long trip to Universal Studios, aiming to save up $3,000 for it the following year. Needless to say, I was taken abreed. The juxtaposition of his financial struggles with his ambitious vacation plans didn't sit right with me. I confronted him about his priorities, suggesting he reallocate his fun fund towards something as necessary as a bed. Though I am comfortably off, making a six-figure salary myself, the principle of the matter irked me - seeking aid while saving for an extravagant trip seemed irrational.

I withdrew my offer to buy the bed, letting him know that he needs to rethink his spending habits. Am I an ass for doing this? Should I have just bought the bed and ignored his questionable financial ethics?

Imagine this scenario being played out on a reality TV show. The tensions and moral debates would surely make for dramatic television, sparking debates among viewers. Would the audience side with me in thinking his request was unreasonable given his saving goals, or would they perceive my decision as too harsh?

A few months ago, I faced something I never thought I’d have to deal with—trying to comfort my best friend after she lost her mom. It was sudden, a heart attack, and it left everyone in her family completely shattered. I remember getting the phone call and just sitting there in shock. What do you even say when something like that happens?

When I went to see her the next day, I froze at the door. I had all these things running through my head, but none of them seemed right. “I’m sorry for your loss” felt too generic. “She’s in a better place” sounded hollow. And “let me know if you need anything” felt like something people just say, but never follow through on. I stood there for a good five minutes, rehearsing words in my head, and none of them felt like enough.

Finally, I rang the bell. When she opened the door, I could see how much pain she was in. Her eyes were red, her shoulders slumped, and she looked like she hadn’t slept at all. I panicked and blurted out, “I’m so sorry.” She nodded and let me in without saying much. The whole visit, I kept second-guessing myself. Should I talk about her mom? Should I stay quiet? Was I making her feel worse?

At one point, she started crying, and all I could think to do was sit beside her and let her cry. I didn’t say anything. I just put my arm around her. And you know what? She told me later that was exactly what she needed—someone to just be there without trying to fix it or say the "right" thing.

That experience taught me a lot about what to say to someone who lost a loved one—or rather, what not to say. I realized that people don’t need clichés or advice in those moments. They don’t want to hear “time heals all wounds” or “everything happens for a reason.” Those words might come from a good place, but they don’t really help when someone is drowning in grief. What they need is for you to acknowledge their pain and let them feel it without judgment.

Over the weeks that followed, I tried to be there for her in small ways. I checked in with her often, even if it was just a text saying, “Thinking of you today.” I didn’t expect her to reply, but I wanted her to know she wasn’t alone. I also made sure to listen when she wanted to talk, even if she repeated the same stories about her mom over and over again. I learned that grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and people need to process it at their own pace.

One thing that really stood out to me was how much she appreciated when people shared memories of her mom. At the funeral, a mutual friend told a funny story about how her mom used to sneak extra candy into her kids’ stockings at Christmas, even though she’d pretend to be strict about sugar. My friend smiled—really smiled—for the first time that day. It was a reminder that her mom wasn’t just gone; she was still a part of all of us through those memories.

Now, when someone asks me what to say to someone who lost a loved one, I always tell them the same thing: don’t overthink it. It’s not about finding the perfect words; it’s about showing up and letting them know you care. Sometimes, saying “I’m here for you” and actually being there is more powerful than any other words.

Another thing I learned is that support doesn’t stop after the first few weeks. In the beginning, everyone rushes to offer condolences and bring meals, but as time goes on, people get busy with their own lives. That’s when the person grieving needs support the most. I made a point to invite my friend out for coffee or walks months after her mom’s passing, and she told me those little gestures made all the difference.

Looking back, I realize how much I’ve grown through this experience. I used to feel helpless and awkward around grief, but now I know it’s okay not to have all the answers. Sometimes, just saying “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you” is enough. It’s not about solving their pain—it’s about being a steady presence while they navigate through it.

If you’re reading this because you’re struggling with what to say to someone who lost a loved one, I hope this helps. Just remember, you don’t have to fix anything or make it better. Let them cry, let them talk, or just sit in silence with them if that’s what they need. Your presence alone speaks louder than any words ever could.

I hate my friend. It's like she never considers my feelings. She has never asked me how I am. Everyday it's like walking on a minefield around her, I don't know what will piss her off next. I hate how she makes me feel. Like I'm no one. I can't be my true self around her. I wanna end our friendship but that would mean I'd be alone for the rest of highschool. I cant make any other friends since I'm kind of a bullying target.