Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I'm about to choke. It's 4:20 am right now. I'm doing homework for tomorrow and some assigments i had to turn in ages ago. I'm trying to take my mind off things because i swear i'm so close to throwing up. I'm too scared to sleep. I'm so scared of what tomorrow will be like. Sometimes i wish It could be night forever. It's funny beacuse i used to find It scary. Sometimes i still do. But honestly I think i find It better to bask in the dark and not be able to see an inch from my nose, than to stay out during the day where i can perfectly see all the ways i messed up. Where i, and everybody else can see how much i failed and dissapointed myself and those around me who wanted me to be better than this. I wanted to be better than this. I still do. I'm trying to be better. More productive, more polite, more present, more responsible, smarter, nicer, Better. But i can't. I keep on failing. I keep on messing up. And i'm so tired. I'm always so tired recently. It doesn't matter what i try, or how much progress i make, i end up messing everything up. And It's exhausting. I've been this tired for ages now. Everything feels so hard, everything Is so tiring. I feel like a burden to those around me. I'm becoming everything they hoped i wouldn't. And i'm wasting all that they did for me. All because i can't pull myself together. And i don't understand. Why? Everybody else does It. Why can't i? What am i doing wrong? Why can't i be better than this? I want to be better. And i'm trying. But It all keeps going down the drain.

so lately i've been OBSESSED with this guy Noah Kahan

so I took one of my fav songs by it and made my own version of it

if you've heard the song you'll probably notice I kept a few of my fav lines the same cuz they're too good to alter :P

the song I redid was You're Gonna Go Far

and I have no idea if my version is good or not lol

so here it is:

I never ever felt so damn sorry

As when I saw you drive away after screaming,

"I never ever want to see you again"

I regret all that I said

This is good land, or at least it was

It takes a strong hand and a sound mind

All our kids are gettin’ so old, aint they?

They’ve been leaving out of town, like they can’t wait

Half don’t even live in the same state

If they got an appointment, they’ll be late

This is good land, or at least it was

It takes a strong hand and a sound mind

I never smile, but I know when I get rough,

Ooh, you got enough

Ooh, you got enough where you are

And while I yell and scream across the yard

Ooh, you'll be far

Ooh, you'll be far, far from here

So, you packed up your car, I put my hand on your heart

I said, “This is what you want,

But you ain’t gonna get far”

But I ain't angry at you, love

You're the greatest thing I've lost

The water still flows, the sun will still shine,

And everyone knows

One day, we’ll all die

I ain't angry at you, love

I’m just waitin’ for you, love

And I’m always here forever

And I’m always here forever

I sure am

My heart’s been achin’ since you left

Thinkin’ ‘bout what I said

“You know, you won’t go nowhere.”

But you know I’ve, you know I’ve been livin' just to die

You told me you would make a difference

Well, I got drunk and shut you down

It won't be by your own volition

If you step foot outside this town

But it's all we need

For always

So, you packed up your car, I put my hand on your heart

I said, “This is what you want,

But you ain’t gonna get far”

But I wasn’t angry at you, love

You were the greatest thing I've lost

The water still flowed, the sun still shined

And still, we all know, someday, we’ll all die

I wasn't angry at you, love

Was just waitin' for you, love

And I’ll still be here forever

And I'll still be here forever

You know, you went far!

You know, you went far!

You know, you went far!

You know, you went far!

Yes, you did (ooh)

If you wanna go (go) far

Then you gotta go (go) far

So I don’t really know how to start this off but… my family all have addictions. All smoking or drinking. And I’m scared I might end up like them when I’m older.

So, my grandparents smoke cigarettes and cigars when they aren’t around the family and honestly I love that they hide it from us? Rather than just do it in my face and look at me. And I think they’ve tried to stop quitting so even more probs to them!!

Now my parents have always had a vape addiction.. first it started with weed/bongs stinking up the house, all the way to weed vape pens? And I’m actually so uncomfortable with putting that stuff in my body I VERBALLY tell them DIRECTLY I DON’T like it. And they still blow the smoke in my face?? I think it’s baffling after 10 years they just stopped caring about not doing it in front of me?? I remember them sitting in the bathroom of my old house, blowing smoke into the vents from bongs because they didn’t want me to know?? And I walked in on them doing that so i obviously asked(as the 7 year old I was). And they just tried to play it off saying “mommy just needs some relief”.. and then I soon started figuring out that they were smoking?? Not the same crap as cigarettes but weed?? I still think it’s disgusting either way and it’s made me grow a hatred for smokers, yes I know the nicotine is highly addictive but don’t you know how bad it is for your DEVELOPING CHILD to breathe in that smoke?? I think that’s why I have so many issues with my brain?? I don’t know though, it just really pisses me off and triggers me when they smoke around me. It makes me feel like I can’t breathe and I’ve had meltdowns about it because they can’t just NOT SMOKE around me, so we’ve compromised that whenever I was upstairs in my room they could vape in the living room. I’m still pissed at this because now I can’t enjoy my house and I’m trapped in my room all day, having to go downstairs in a smoke cloud?? And my dad still does it around me, making me yell at him and hate him more. He doesn’t respect me. He just laughs. And I know he’s trying to step up but I won’t forget what he didn’t do. Be a man for me when I was 7-13. I’m currently 13 for context and I’m just.. really mad and just sad?? Like I’m mad they won’t respect me but sad I call him my dad? I don’t know it’s just complicated and I’m just so frustrated and sick of him I have a shorter fuse around him.

And just last night he left the gas on the whole night, we all could’ve died so I’m pissed off. Even I could’ve (13f) known it was still on. And now the house is airing out, I’m not planning on speaking to him any time soon about “feelings” because he’ll just laugh in my fucking face like always and brush it off. I don’t feel seen. And I barely feel their love.

who needs a bestie?? I miss someone

So recently I’ve been getting super worried because sometimes my vision randomly goes blurry, and I can’t tell if it’s because I’m stressed or if there’s something actually wrong with me. Like, I’m 16 and I already deal with a lot of anxiety from school, friends, and just life in general, but this new thing is freaking me out more than usual. When I’m sitting in class, especially in math or history when I have to stare at the board for a long time, it feels like my eyes just won’t focus and the words kind of smear together. At first I thought maybe I just needed new glasses, but I went to the eye doctor not long ago and he said my prescription barely changed, and that what I’m describing doesn’t really match up with my test results. He told me it might be stress-related, like “ocular fatigue,” and that kind of stuck in my head. So of course I went home and googled it, and I found all these articles and people online saying stress and anxiety can actually make your vision blur because of muscle tension or even breathing weird when you’re nervous. It made sense because this happens the most when I’m panicking, like during tests or when I have to talk in front of people. But at the same time I keep overthinking like, what if it’s something worse? I read about migraines with aura, blood sugar drops, and other scary things, and that makes me spiral even more. So now I’m just stuck asking myself over and over—could anxiety really be the reason my vision blurs, or am I missing something serious that needs attention?

There was one day that still bothers me a lot: I was doing a class debate, and my heart was beating way too fast, my palms were sweaty, and all of a sudden the paper I was reading from went blurry like someone smudged it on purpose. It lasted for maybe five minutes, then once I sat back down and calmed down, my sight went back to normal. That kind of makes me think it is anxiety-related, because when my body chilled out, the blurriness went away too. I even read that when you’re anxious, your body makes more adrenaline and cortisol, which messes with your breathing and blood flow, and that can cause temporary vision changes. It’s weird because sometimes it happens when I’m not even feeling that anxious, and that makes me question everything again; like maybe I am just overthinking but maybe not. My best friend told me, “you’re worrying about worrying,” and she’s probably right, but I can’t stop noticing it. I started keeping a little log in my notebook about when it happens, how I’m feeling, and how long it lasts so I can show it to my doctor if it keeps going. I don’t want to ignore it just in case, but I also don’t want to stress myself more if it really is just anxiety playing tricks on me. Do you think anxiety can actually cause blurred vision, or is that just something people say online? And if you’ve had the same thing, how did you figure out if it was harmless or something you needed help with; honestly it’s both comforting and confusing to realize that my brain and body can mess with each other like this 😅

Hi, I’m a non-binary 20 year old and I go to a Christian university (not my choosing but I get a really good scholarship there). I am also on the school’s powerlifting team. I am a biological female, but it fucking sucks to be in an environment where you have to shove yourself into a box to be excepted by others. Being perceived to others as female is so uncomfortable for me. And my teammates think in a very binary way, it’s horrible for someone like me. I’m not seen as who I am, but a woman first above all else.

Some of my teammates have been good to me, but they don’t know my identity. They are all basically Bible thumpers and I feel so out of place. I’ve never told anyone on my team what my identity is, but I dress very gay, so I’m sure some of them might feel iffy about me. I am so scared about being outed, because I have no idea how they will react. I’ve heard the way some of them talk about LGBTQ+ stuff, and it ain’t looking too good for me folks. Am I cooked? Any other athletes who relate to this? I feel so fucking alone in this.

As a side note, I am not attacking Christianity, I just dislike how some Christians act hateful when the Bible says to do the opposite.

Why won't you talk to me? Did I do something to upset you? Do you not like the pins I made you anymore? I mean, if you don't like them, you can give them back or throw them out, I won't mind. I only spent 30 minutes drawing and colouring and cutting out and laminating each one just for you. But I mean, if you don't like them, I'll take them back. I'll throw them out, because they weren't good enough for you. I honestly have your best interests in minds.

Or is it something else I did? Did I say something bad? Did I upset you? Please just let me know what I did. Let me try to fix myself. I'm obviously broken. So let me know the ways I'm broken, so I can fix myself! I want to be the friend you want me to be. Let me know how I can change. Tell me how to be what you want me to be. I'll gladly change for you! All I need to make those changes is for you to tell me what's wrong, what I can change about myself, how I can help.

I can tell it's not you who's the problem. You still talk with the others like there's nothing wrong. It's just me you ignore. So obviously, I'm the broken one. Just let me know how I can be fixed. Please?

Heyah👋🏻😄!!

I was in search of a pearl necklace for my cousin's Bar Mitzvah, so I could wear them. And I don't know anything about fancy-pants jewelry🫠. My cousins that I currently live with are fancy-pants people😅. So, they suggested something unusual🫥!! "Just don't look at the price tag"🏷️. Like WHAT😱!!! It's also difficult to find "real" pearls with a decent quality... And I found a necklace with a bracelet and earrings for $50, but my cousins suggested one that was $150🦪. I ended up getting the $150 necklace set, but I feel like I'm waiting their money, even though they offered to buy it for me🥹. They've done so much for me after my mom passed away, that I don't know how to pay them back😭!! Of course they keep saying that I don't have to pay them back... But I was raised to believe that there aren't any free hand outs😮‍💨. And I suppose my overall view of the world is based on logic and contractual beliefs. If there isn't a contract, or an equal way to pay someone back for kindness, then I just feel very uncertain🥺. I hope everything will be okay, but I'm grateful that I get to wear a nice necklace... Even if it's only for a bit, since I don't know when I'll get my next job, since I'm on a break🫠.

Are we all just crows to you now? Are you just above it all? do you keep people around, just to drop them later? Should I ever have trusted you? Because I'm thinking that you do just abandon people as you see fit. I'm thinking that I never should have trusted you. I'm thinking that you never gave two shits about me. And you know what? if you didn't, I don't care anymore. You do you. I'll do me. We can go out separate ways. I don't mind. Friends drift all the time. It's a natural thing. And honestly, the way you treat people is your problem, not mine. I'm not mad at you. Not anymore. I'm over it. And you can go ahead and turn everyone else against me as well. I've done just fine on my own before and I can do it again. see ya.

I'm 24 and have been eagerly planning my spring wedding. One of my bridesmaids, who also happens to be my childhood best friend and is 22, has always been a big part of my life. Our personalities aren’t much alike; she’s much more sheltered and deeply religious compared to me. Five months ago, she started dating her first serious boyfriend and they're quite serious about each other, partly because he shares her religious beliefs and background. It’s quite likely they’ll end up married too, since they were each other’s first serious romantic partners.

In weddings, typically the bridal party pairs up, walking down the aisle and entering the reception together. However, my friend expressed a concern to me: she feels it would be disrespectful to her relationship if she were to walk with one of the groomsmen. Instead, she proposed that her boyfriend walk with her during these key moments—just walk with her then return to his seat, not actually be a part of the wedding party itself.

Honestly, I find this request a bit odd and I'm leaning towards saying no because it might disrupt the flow and traditional appearance of the wedding procession and reception introductions. Although I don’t believe her boyfriend suggested this idea, it does seem aligned with her own values, yet I can't shake off feeling that this could create an awkward situation. If I refuse, I suspect she won’t back out from her role as a bridesmaid, but it might strain our relationship as she could think I'm not respecting her relationship.

What's puzzling is how to handle this situation delicately without causing a fuss. If this were some sort of reality show drama, you'd expect the cameras zooming in as I navigate this friendship-testing dilemma. How would the audience react to each decision? Would they side with tradition or personal respect for her relationship? The pressure would definitely be amped up with public opinion thrown into the mix!

In a situation like this, how would you handle it if you were being watched by an audience? Would you stick to wedding traditions or customize the procession to respect your friend's relationship?

My relationship with my parents has always been rocky, and it's only gotten harder as I've gotten older.

Recently, I found out I was the beneficiary of a substantial inheritance from my late grandfather – about $125,000 intended to cover my college expenses. Thrilled, I hoped to use this gift to attend my dream university. However, my enthusiasm was quickly dampened by my mother.

She believes that as the eldest child, I am obliged to reimburse her for costs she incurred from my early childhood medical procedures. Approaching her to transfer the inherited funds into my college savings account, she staunchly refused, asserting that the money was hers due to her sacrifices for me. Growing up, she frequently took money from me, including winnings from sports events and even once destroyed a safe given to me by my grandfather.

After cooling down for a few days, I prepared to confront her again, this time armed with detailed documentation. Since I was 13, I kept a meticulous record of all my earnings, now combined with my inheritance, totaling about $250,000. I showed her a detailed list of these transactions, hoping to reason with her, but instead, she became irate, insisting she was entitled to the money because of the medical expenses she had covered.

Realizing calm discussion was futile, and recalling past incidents where she destroyed my documentation, I safely duplicated all evidence on my laptop. When she grabbed and tore up my hard copies, I only added these losses to the grand total.

Two days ago, I sent her an email clearly stating my demands for the return of my funds, disregarding interest to keep matters simple. I included a final warning: if she did not comply, I would pursue legal action, factoring in costs for therapy resulting from our ongoing conflicts.

Did I push things too far? Am I wrong to threaten legal action against my own mother?

Imagine this scenario playing out on a reality TV show. Viewers would likely be divided, some sympathizing with the struggle of reclaiming one's rightful assets, while others might view the legal threats against a family member as too extreme. The dramatic showdowns and tearful confrontations could certainly captivate an audience, potentially painting me either as a victim or a villain based on the editing slant.

I feel like I'm in an environment where my ability to socialize with others is disregarded, and on top of that, my closest friends and family struggle due to the prejudices others foster as a result of such circumstances. People don't usually appreciate these analyses I conduct to explain what's happening, and psychotherapists have become part of the group.

I like this way of life, but I haven't received any support to fully consolidate it. Support is always a camouflage to force me to abandon it, in a blatant way. The whole effort is to make me achieve what I was helped to achieve, given that the problems I identified as such are no longer pointed out but now begin to view them in a pleasing light, which is what I feel the therapeutic work I've attended was all about.

I can't deny that I feel disappointed by society. My family struggled to contain me, and I always tried to adapt according to the circumstances, without predetermining and consolidating a certain personality in order to defend it. Outside, there were also these difficulties, to the point where others either abandoned me or established a distant and superficial relationship. The times they've tolerated me, it's because they had no other choice, and the times they've resorted to influencing me to adapt, it's because they haven't seen any other way either. All of this is always aimed at achieving stability within the environment for the group I belong to, rather than consolidating their personality within it through defensiveness. In itself, everything has consisted of complacency with the environment, as my family pointed out, which makes me feel like I'm among people who are incapable of reinforcing their identity as a group. This is something I find regrettable and terrifying, because we are always at the mercy of others, and their movements can occur at any moment, and consequently, any other. Therefore, in itself, it speaks to the lack of stability other than that provided by the environment itself, and that, again, speaks to a lack of tools for self-preservation.

I would like to be part of groups capable of reinforcing the presence of their personality in the environment, and not in those that are weakly structured and therefore provide a false sense of stability only provided by the environment. This makes me see the origin of those who go with the flow, and indeed, it seems that groups of this nature are the ones that populate the earth, at least within the country where I live.

Frankly, this type of spirit is not the example of someone who, I suspect, will sooner or later come back to me, so I feel it is necessary to seek out groups with such a capacity for reinforcement, and of course, that do not rely on popularity or a position of power, which are the elements on which some groups rely to maintain their way of being in the face of change. Indeed, it is necessary to make observations, at least in note format, to arrive at a systematic approach, but first, it begins with examining the material at hand.

Heyah👋🏻😄!!

My bestie's boyfriend wants to propose to her💍.

They've picked out a wonderful oval diamond ring💍✨!!!

My bestie joked that we should go to a wedding dress store and try on dresses... Me included😱!! I'm not dating anyone... Let alone engaged🫠!! So, I don't know if that would be right for me to try on dresses🥴.

Plus, I'm 4 foot 11 inches tall with watermelons the size of H🫣!! I don't know any wedding dresses AT-STORES that would accommodate that🫥? But my bestie is 5 foot 6 inches tall and has average size fruits😊👍🏻✨!! Like... Hmmm🤔.... A larger honey crisp apple🍎... But 2 of them, since I don't know many people who only have 1 fruit naturally✨👀?

Anyway, what should I do, should I say, "sure" or "nah"? It would be nice to be there when she picks her dress... But I'm only seeing her for 3 days until I head back home for 2 days then hop back on a plane to fly across country🛬.

I don’t even know what’s wrong with me anymore, but I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s like no matter what I do, he’s always in my head, like a song stuck on repeat that I never even meant to play. I keep telling myself to move on, to focus on other things, but then something happens—some tiny, stupid thing—and I’m right back where I started.

I see his name pop up on my phone, and my heart does that annoying little flip, even if it’s just a random meme he sent in the group chat. I pass by the hallway at school where we used to sit together, and I swear I can still hear us laughing, like some kind of ghost of what we used to be. And that’s the worst part—there was a “we” once. Maybe not in the way I wanted, not in the way I dreamed about late at night when I stared at my ceiling, wondering if he ever thought about me like I thought about him. But he was in my life, and now he’s not, and I don’t know how to deal with that. I tried, I really did. I deleted our old messages, I stopped looking for him in every crowd, I even forced myself to talk to other guys just to prove to myself that he wasn’t that special. But itt didn’t work. It’s like my brain refuses to let him go, like it’s clinging onto every little memory, every dumb inside joke, every time he smiled at me in that way that made me feel like I was the only person in the world. And maybe he never meant to make me feel that way. Maybe it was all in my head, some fantasy I built up because I wanted it to be real so badly. But even if it was just me, it still felt real, and that’s what makes it so hard. I hate how pathetic I sound, like some cliche lovesick girl in a bad romance movie, but I don’t know how to make it stop. I tell myself he doesn’t even think about me anymore, that he’s probably moved on without a second thought, and maybe that’s true. But what if it’s not? What if he misses me too, but he’s just better at hiding it?

What if I gave up too soon, what if I should have tried harder, what if this feeling means something and I’m just letting it slip away? I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore, except that every time I think I’m okay, something pulls me back to him, and I hate it, but at the same time, I don’t want it to end. Because if I stop thinking about him, then what’s left? Just me, alone, with nothing but the empty space where he used to be.

I'm usually knee-deep in work from a job that demands almost everything from me, and my partner, Alex, is fully aware of how strenuous it can be. Not long ago, I decided that it was essential to establish clearer boundaries regarding my availability after work hours. Specifically, I made it a rule not to take work-related calls after 7 pm. Alex seemed to agree with this new arrangement at first, appreciating that we could spend more quality time together without interruptions from my work.

However, last night, things took a bizarre turn. Around 8:30 pm, as we were settling down for the evening, my boss called. Sticking to my new-found boundaries, I chose to ignore the call. But Alex, to my dismay, questioned why I wasn't answering. I explained that it was part of my effort to prevent work from overrunning my personal life. Without hesitating, Alex picked up my phone and answered the call himself, telling my boss that I was "too busy relaxing to talk." I was completely embarrassed! The tone in my boss's voice was clearly one of irritation when I ultimately had to take the phone. I ended up spending the next 30 minutes sorting out work issues, a situation exacerbated by Alex's remark which made it appear as though I was neglecting my duties.

After I hung up, I confronted Alex. I was livid and explained how inappropriate it was for him to intervene in my work matters. He just shrugged it off, suggesting I was overreacting and claiming that I shouldn't feel ashamed for enforcing my boundaries around work. This whole ordeal has left me second-guessing both my boundary-setting and his understanding of it. Am I overreacting, or was his interference out of line?

Imagine if this scenario unfolded on a reality show. The drama would certainly amplify, with cameras capturing every moment of the exchange and potentially millions of viewers judging the dynamics of our relationship. Viewers might side with me for trying to establish work-life balance, or they could sympathize with Alex, perceiving him as supporting a more relaxed approach. The court of public opinion could dramatically sway in either direction, affecting not just perceptions but our relationship dynamics after being exposed to widespread scrutiny.

Was my partner's action on my work call justified?