Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Because of my mom’s boyfriend I might sort of be forced to Canada. I’m 16 now. Because of everything going on it’s made me feel dissociated, anxious, more depressed, and I’ve been getting horrible thoughts again.

My mom’s boyfriend has consumed her life. At first in my other story I thought she was getting lost in the idea of love which I still believe but she also recently told me the abuse and how she’s afraid for her life and our (me and my grandmas) if she leaves.

He has threatened to send people to my home, threatened to hurt my mom, and I heard from my grandma that he held my mom and I think raped her while she was menstruating. Because of the threats and the way it seems that my mom isn’t really making an effort to leave him since today I found out she had gotten a freshly new tattoo of his name, Luis Garcia, on the middle of her chest in big bold letters. But besides that because of everything, my grandma wants to take me out to Canada with her but they’re gonna close the borders once I’m over there (it’s what she said) and I’d have to be over there for a few months but if that were to happen that means I’d lose my therapy since if I don’t show up for months or I don’t show up to a lot of schedule appointments they’re gonna pull me out of therapy and I’d have to get a new therapist all over again. This is my 3rd therapist.

I have an option to live with my aunt but I don’t think it would be possible because a lot of responsibility is being put onto my aunt like keeping care of all of my grandmas plants and animals while my grandma is in Canada.. and I don’t want to be a burden but I’m so tired of holding of everything in and if I lose my therapist I won’t have anyone because this family is full of “you don’t need therapy”, “you’re not depressed”, “you don’t have an anxiety disorder, you need a brain scan to tell that”, etc.

If I go to Canada I’ll have no therapy and I’ll lose my therapy because they’ll send the discharge papers, most likely no privacy and I’d be forced to sleep with my grandma and I’d probably be living with my uncles wife that doesn’t speak English and her daughter is extremely clingy and would probably beg me to play with her which I really don’t want because I enjoy my privacy and I enjoy my alone time like I’m sure plenty of others do, I’m not close with my uncle and I’d be embarrassing if I have to ask him to buy me pads since he’d be the only one working (I think?).

And I don’t even have much time to think of any of this because 1 - I was already told to start packing up. 2 - My uncle is gonna come soon before the borders close so I HAVE to go IF my dad signs the consent form for me to leave Rochester and to Canada (my mom and dad have part custody).

I don’t know what to do, I’m overwhelmed and I feel like I have no choice in any of this. It’s like they expect me to be strong but I’m only 16, FRESHLY 16. I haven’t been 16 for over a month yet. I’m so tired of feeling alone because I know how much language barriers there’s gonna be with everyone speaking Spanish and I have selective mutism (I’m Puerto Rican and I do understand Spanish but to a certain extent since no one really taught me Spanish or spoke Spanish to me). If I lose therapy I’m gonna lose all the help I have.

So about 2 weeks ago my best friend found out one of the girls he was talking too was also talking to me and he also found out we had sex 2 nights prior.. So he hit me up on a friday like any other weekend and said he wanted to hang out so I invited him over. As soon as he got there i was already in my pajama pants bc it was like 8:00 at night and these pants are kinda thick bc they are like a fuzzy material (but they are no where near as thick as blue jeans which is why he caused so much damage i think) and i didnt have underwear on bc of how soft the pants were i didnt really need any but anyways, he immediately brought up the situation and I told him it wasn't that big of a deal and as soon as I said that he reached between my legs with one hand and grabbed and pulled my dick upwards and kinda twisted it leaving my balls wide open and he was really able to get a grip on it bc i wasnt wearing underwear and with his other hand he punched me in the balls 4 times it was enough force i remember it making my eyes roll back and it made me moan which was kinda strange but that was just a natural sound that came out i went to the doctor 3 days after it happened bc the swelling never went down but all the doctor said was they were going to be extremely sore for a couple weeks they are still a little swollen now and extremly sore but the girl that started all this has no idea what happened and I plan on keeping it that way lol

People should stop judging people based on what they post on social media , messages sent to their friends and family or what insults and jokes they sent to their loved ones specially if it was done illegally without prior consent. They've only seen a 3 second conversation yet they haven't reflected to themselves they have gotten the messages illegally snooping into network and illegally obtaining them yet they want to be called " perfect". Oh and doxxing is also illegal add that to your "perfect" nature. Lol

Unfortunately for me, I want to be a creative person full time. There's been a series of attempts.

1 - Animation

I was a grade A student in high school and took lots of AP's including AP art and design. My councilors said with my grades my state's flagship school would be a good safety school and the Ivy's where a reasonable reach. She was wrong about that and it's all been downhill from that conversation. Long story short I couldn't get into an art school with a scholarship. I went to the ONLY state school to accept me, could never get an internship all 3 years (had enough AP's to graduate early), and graduating with my degree in animation at the top 10% of my class with a portfolio reviewed by and references from 2 emmy award winning animation professors didn't mean anything to studios. I would go to networking and hiring events, portfolio and resume reviews, talk to recruiters, get referrals, even move to LA. All for 0 job offers after years of trying.

2 - Design

While I was trying to get into animation I worked a graphic design job. It didn't pay enough, especially for LA, so I beefed up my college portfolio to highlight my motion design stuff and started applying. A year passed with no interviews and I got laid off. I got a certification in UX/UI design and applied there too. Another year passed. I assure you - whatever job advice you have (talk to recruiters, send out 100s of applications, tailor your applications, ask your dad to get you a job) - I did it! Multiple times. No luck.

3 - Self Employment

Throughout this entire stint I would have side hustles I tried (and failed) to get off the ground. I tried to be a gallery artist. Sold one drawing. Had a painting featured at the High Museum of Art. Did some local art fairs (and sold nothing). Absolutely no one else ever cared about representing my work despite it. Okay. Cool. There was an online original painting business - no sales. Online art prints - 10 sales in 2 years. Art on stuff (notebooks, zipper pouches, etc.) - 7 online sales and I made money at in-person markets but never enough to break even on the booth fee. Alright; fabulous.

4 - Marketing

After my layoff year from the graphic design job I got a job as a marketing operations coordinator - so not even doing the marketing. Just fetching virtual coffee so other people could do it. I decided to lean in. If art doesn't want me, maybe money will! I learned as much about marketing as I could to apply it to a future business attempt. I got my PMP certification and applied to project management jobs. You can probably guess how well this went.

5 - Self Employment Take 4 (current)

I still work that marketing job. My company laid off everyone but me and my boss' boss. The company is in shambles so there's not really a clear job for me right now other than sending bills to accounting. So artistic. So fulfilling. If I have to talk to META customer service one more time I'm going to crash out. Since the lay offs at the job I've been applying elsewhere to almost no avail. I had 3 rounds of interviews including one with the CEO for a better paying marketing job!!! They then paused hiring. Seems both art and money don't want me. I've started another business - a stationery shop. 11 sales in 5 months - so the marketing knowledge is helping me do a lot better. But I had a collection launch today to crickets that sent me into a bit of a spiral.

THE DILEMA

I keep trying as MUCH and as HARD as I can to make my career cooperate. It just refuses to go my way. Any advice I can find online assumes I haven't tried, didn't do some obvious thing, or some empty motivational platitudes like "you haven't quit until you stop trying (like as if I don't have bills to pay)" is going to help. I've started therapy and my therapist is very helpful on everything else - but on this topic he tends to tell me to just follow my dreams. I feel like he has to watch me show up every day and sponsor events for promotion and work with influencers for marketing and post to 5 social media platforms every day and start a mailing list and start a youtube channel and read marketing books and go to webinars by my local SCORE mentors (all things I'm doing BTW) and yet still make 0 progress after keeping this up for a year to understand what I'm talking about. There is NO lack of trying - but nothing ever works. I just can't seem to be a full time creative. I can't even do plan B and make enough money for an apartment. I don't know what else to do or how to deal with these feelings. I'm always searching for some kind of solution, but the truth is it takes hard work, time, and luck to be successful and luck is just not on my side at the moment. To anyone who read all this - how do you manage to live your life knowing what you truly want isn't coming to you? How would you stay motivated in business 4 and somehow believe it's going to work after all the previous failures? What am I doing wrong? Is this normal?

I dunno what to do ahahahahaa.. the loml is stalking me. Hahahahah .. it's a bit a grey area it's a good and a bad situation pls help hahahahaha I'm going crazy.

Omg I don’t even know what to do. Like, I feel so freaking guilty but at the same time I don’t even know if I should tell him. My bf doesn’t know… and maybe it’s better that way? I swear I never meant for this to happen. I love him, like for real love him. But it was just one night, and it didn’t even mean anything. It was so stupid. We had this fight, nothing crazy but I was mad, and he was being all distant so I went out with my friends. And then there was this guy… I didn’t even like him like that, but we were drinking and talking and idk, it just happened. One second we were just laughing and then the next… I don’t even wanna say it. I keep telling myself it was just a mistake, just a dumb moment that don’t matter, but every time I see my bf I feel like the worst person alive.

I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do. If I tell him, it’s gonna ruin everything. He’s not the kind of guy who just forgives something like this. He’s gonna hate me. And I don’t blame him. I hate me too. But if I don’t tell him, then what? I just pretend like nothing happened? Every time he tells me he loves me I feel like he wouldn’t if he really knew me. And what if someone else tells him? Like what if one of my friends lets it slip or something?? Omg I would die. I keep thinking maybe I should just tell him first, but then I think about the look on his face and I just… can’t.

I keep going back and forth. Sometimes I think, ok, it was just a mistake, I love him, we can move past it. But then sometimes I feel like I don’t even deserve him anymore. Like, maybe I should just break up with him before he finds out, maybe that would be easier. But I don’t want to lose him. I just wish I could go back to that night and undo everything. But I can’t. And now I have to live with it, whether he knows or not.

I'm quite a sensitive person, I saw this video where this guy with his family, spread his mom's ashes into the lake and it spelled out "love" idk why but I started crying, even now, I'm tearing up. I think that's how my sadness started today. I feel ugly but not super ugly, I don't have a boyfriend, I have one online friend but we don't talk much, I have other online friends but those guys are trying to get with me or just being odd. I think I just need a boyfriend. I think I just need a hug or someone genuine to hang out with. I made a new online friend today but it feels fake. It all feels fake, I only talk to my friends when I'm in a good mood or just try my best to be friendly and all but during my worst moments, I don't have anyone. Who would love me or like me like this? I'm not supposed to burden them with this. I also feel insane. Maybe I'm just undiagnosed or something, idk.

I feel like I’m stuck in a freakin’ nightmare, living at home with my parents these days. Every night is a full-on war zone. My folks are constantly at it, like dogs barking at each other over the smallest things and I’m right there in the middle of it all. It’s not just shouting either. Sometimes stuff gets broken, and emotions run wild. I’ve thought about sneaking out just to get some peace of mind but man, what would come next if I did that? Would I even know how to handle being on my own?

It’s so frustrating trying to sleep or focus on anything when their voices cut through everything else. The vibes here are toxic as hell. Like, shouldn't home be where you feel safe and chill after a long day? But reality check, nope! It's places like this that make leaving seem like a dream move but seriously, where would I even go and how would I manage without getting caught up in something worse?

I mean sure, maybe I'd find a place eventually or crash with friends for a bit but let's be real: living solo ain't cheap or easy. I'd have to hustle for cash somehow and possibly end up homeless if things go south 😩 This decision feels way more complicated than it should be because even though living here sucks big time most days, it's still got basic needs covered (at least until the next screamfest erupts). So now I'm stuck feeling this urge to escape mixed with looming questions about surviving alone.

there's this guy im very attached to and like. But things ended like 2 years ago and i still miss him at times and feel like im going crazy all the time cuz hes in my head 24/7 which is very annoying. I have tried literally everything from no contact to no stalking and everything but after a few months i end up having crash outs from feeling loneliness and just missing him. That guy has zero interest in me. Doesnt want me. I feel like i might move on if i were to date someone else but i dont wanna date right now i just wanna focus on myself and live my life. And maybe look for a partner when i want to settle down or get married. What do i do. This guy that i really really like what do i do about it now. He ghosts me avoids me but i just wished he would block me instead of just ghosting. And kind of everything that happened between us broke me so much i dont think i'll ever even wanna be in a relationship ever again.

There is a cosplay event I wanna go to, and I'm excited because I've never cosplayed. But mydad may be in Qatar soon, so when mom says "I don't know", I'm the smart one for saying "It can't happen". She says he could come back earlier, but for the moment, I give up. Actually, for the next 3 months, I'll quit before I try. It's best anyways. Mom can't drive to Abu Dhabi on her own, she's too scared. It's pointless, anyways. I've failed far too many times, in a few years only, I'll reach 0. there may be creeps or someone who could do bad stuff to me, and Abu Dhabi is 1 hr away from my house, she's scared of driving that far, and who knows, maybe Joseph's hair is too tough even with hairspray and styling, and even then, I don't think I can go anyways because a disaster may happen. It's okay. I've failed exams, I've failed 2 art competitions already, I lack friends even though it's been many years to even have one, I look bad anyways, I'm stupid, so the best thing is to just wake up, brush my teeth, watch YouTube, and call it a day. I'll not even watch JoJo with mom, it's a dumb anime anyways.

I'll do what other kids do on weekends, wake up, brush teeth, watch videos for hours, eat food, watch some more videos, sleep, walk around in the house, watch some more, eat snacks, watch more. I did it for 2 months of summer break, and even though I hated it, I'm used to it. There's no use wishing for a unicorn, especially when a horse feels impossible too. Johnny Joestar became below 0, he was in the negative, he hated it, but he's used to it. It's impossible to even have a cow, that's how stupid this shit is. It's okay, I'm a failure anyways. I thought life would be more humble because I wasn't very successful, just decent, so it's fine. Failure becomes painless, and painlessness increases when you don't hope and you don't even try. My Johnny doll will probably suck in the future when I finish him, so I won't finish. Johnny at least had Gyro. I've never had anyone my age for 7 years, so why bother trying to dress up, trying to succeed in exams this time, finish Johnny, or even try anything new? It's pointless, anyways. Life becomes so unpredictable, doing nothing feels like a nice change. I don't even have 1 Gyro, 1 friend who tries to care.

If I'm worth nothing, I'm in peace. The acceptance of nothing is peace

I mean, one book said people are allowed to think low of you, so I can do it as well. I have no idea why mom cares so much. Her daughter failed her exams, can't go to IGCSE for that reason, failed 2 art competitions, looks hideous, has no friends, has no outstanding achievements not even one, I spend her money on figures and books, with dumb comics or dumb art instead of successful business books for the future, so why does she still care? Now living is the only dumb thing I'm good at. DIO was right about "Heaven", if I knew my fate, I'd have accepted my fate to the negative numbers more easily.

I haven't changed. I'm convinced I'll never change. That's fine. Change is meant to be scary anyways. Stagnancy is sometimes the best outcome.

I’m done and convinced nothing will change. I'll still fail miserable until I decide my life is pointless, therefore I'll die somehow.

Why do you still care? I’m worth as much as fucking dog-shit, anyways.

Dad will leave, “I don’t know” will become “we can’t go”, and I’ll never succeed in anything. Mom should accept the fact she has a daughter who’s gonna be a failure in the future. They say failure helps you learn, instead, I feel as if I'm going from 0 to -1. I feel more useless than ever. Why try again if all I get is just bad outcomes. It hurts, it hurts too much and it's a pain I'd rather die than live with it. How does my family even live with this...leech? The fact that all their kid does now is fail, fail, fail. They should give me away. They should honestly, HONESTLY, tell me I'm a disappointment to them, and wish I died. Life would be better if I did. Failure has hurt me too much, and the only way to stop this pain forever is to sit down, scroll, eat, sleep, and so on until I'm 30, which is my death date. What's the point of trying to help a useless person, what's the point of being nice to yourself when you know you could've done better in LIVING? Fucking cunts.

Man, I gotta spill something. Like, I ran into my ex-wife just the other week, and it seriously messed with my head. You know how it is...went for a quick coffee and ended up in this weird emotional rollercoaster. Not that I didn't know she was still around, but spotting her after all this time was like seeing a ghost that still haunts the edges of your life. She seemed good and all, but that's not my thing anymore. Honestly, I was a bit all over the place for a day or two after. 🙄 Anyway, now I’m kind of hung up on this whole rebound relationship idea. You ever thought about it? They say jumping into something new after a breakup can help, but who's "they" anyway? Like, part of me says, "Yeah, go for it, bro!" but the other side is like, "Nah, maybe you're just trying to fill a hole and it’s not even gonna work out." You get me?

Been thinking about diming it back and not rushing into crap that doesn't even belong to me. Just cos my ex is doing alright doesn't mean I need to force myself into some setup with the next person who smiles at me. You ever feel like you’re in a race, but you’re not even sure it’s a race you wanna run? It's tricky. I mean, I’ve had times where I rebounded and times when I didn't bother, and looking back, well, I guess each had its pros and cons. Maybe some things just roll different for different people, you know? You'd think by now I'd have a concrete answer, but nah. Life's never that simple. Has anyone actually found their person on a rebound? Or do people just apply that idea like a Band-Aid, hoping it'll stick and do the trick?

And the truth is, when you're connected like I was with my ex for years, it doesn't just go away in a snap just because you meet someone new. But who am I kidding, right? People only see the surface and think you're all good. Soon as you’re not wrecked on the outside, everyone assumes you're ready to ride the dating train again. Reality check: it ain't that easy, at least not for everyone. For some, maybe it’s fine. Are rebounds basically like a relationship placebo or what? Fake it till you make it, or something like that?

I don’t know about you, but the last thing I want is to drag some poor girl into my half-baked healing process and end up making more of a mess. Just makes me wonder if it's worth it at all. I mean, does curing a broken heart with a temporary fix ever turn into something lasting? Like, damn, I don’t need to learn the hard way again. Trying to keep things chill and not dive head first into anything until I’m sure. That's just me being cautious or chicken??? pick your choice, whatever fits. ..

Bottom line, are rebounds the real deal, or are they just a lame Sunday afternoon hangover cure that never sticks 'cause it’s not addressing the real problem... just asking for a buddy, haha

Lately it seems like I don't have friends at all anymore. They're still there, but they don't respond very much. We're gamers, and every time I message any of them to set up a game session, it's a no or no response at all or it's something to do with the games I play being shitty games. But they play those same games an hour later or a few days with others. I just don't know what to think anymore. It's like I don't matter or exist anymore. When I explain how I feel to a few of them, it's usually something with "life's just too busy" which I understand, but for a year straight? A few months straight? When you're playing the same game/s with others? And streaming it as well??? Just say you don't want to be my friend and quit playing around. Or better yet, just block me.

It is currently 2:30 AM and i have an essay ahead of me that I am still yet to write. It's not because I forgot about it - it's all I have been thinking of this day, but for whatever reason, I'll get side-tracked any time I start doing it. It's almost like I am allergic to getting work done. I always make an effort to do it, but it's almost like I make a counter anti-effort in a burst of inspiration for literally anything else. I feel awful writing it, and wish to be doing something else, which is why I am always doing something else instead. I'm past the point of being mad over this, because this isn't a first occurrence, instead I'm making the calculations that.. yeah i'll get a maximum of 2 hours of sleep today. Headaches, here I come!

I am a 34-year-old guy who tied the knot with the most amazing woman, who's 33, just four months ago. We’ve been a couple for over eight years, and it feels like we’ve known each other forever. My wife, Emily, is not only compassionate and caring, but she’s also highly driven in her profession. Given my long work hours, she handles a lot of our domestic responsibilities.

Financially speaking, I earn significantly more than Emily, about four times as much, actually, since I work in Healthcare. Despite this gap, she still earns a decent amount. Naturally, I find myself covering most of our expenses like dining out, weekend getaways, and shopping adventures. I don’t mind this at all. For bigger purchases, we share costs proportionally based on our incomes, and she manages to contribute around one-fourth towards our rent and groceries, even occasionally covering the cost of our outings.

Emily is incredibly close with her four best friends, and they chat every day. It's great seeing her supported by such a tight-knit group. They even have a shared savings account designated for “joint investments,” which they've been funding monthly for several years. Initially, I wasn’t thrilled about it, but it was her decision and her money after all.

Now, we’re hunting for a house in one of America’s priciest real estate markets. Emily mentioned she doesn’t have much saved up independently but has around $20,000 in the joint account with her friends. Previously, financial advisors have discouraged them from group investments in stocks, real estate, or business due to complications and tax implications.

Considering the substantial down payment required for a house, roughly $60,000-$70,000, I’m prepared to use nearly all my savings ($50,000). I suggested Emily should withdraw her portion from the collective fund to contribute. She was upset by the idea, insisting the money was promised to her friends for their group plans. She even proposed looking for cheaper homes, perhaps fixer-uppers, arguing I could easily save up again due to my higher income.

This left me quite frustrated. I felt it was unfair for me to deplete my savings while her money sat untouched in what, in frustration, I called a “stupid friend fund.” Is it unreasonable for me to expect her to use that money towards our home?

Imagine this scenario in a reality show setting—it would likely ignite significant controversy and perhaps create a divide among viewers, some siding with the need for personal obligations and others with the practicality of securing a family home over group investments.

I feel so frustrated. I have always wanted to go abroad and study as it would allow me some freedom and let me learn stuff by myself. However, due to some familial issues I was not able to go, don’t get me wrong I am grateful that I am even getting the opportunity to study in my home country but the issue is my parents are not letting me do anything. My older sister who went abroad for her studies in her 19s was able to learn a lot of stuff and is the “pride” of the family whereas I am the loser. I am constantly reminded about how my degree will hold no importance in the global market or how I can’t do simple stuff like going to the gym because our “culture” is different. Whenever I try to bring this up to my parents that I also want to learn something like my sister I get told I still have time, that I am not going to get married any soon???? What does this even mean? I am constantly compared with my sister ( fyi my sister is absolutely on my side and always tries to help me so none of this is her fault ), I get reminded about how my degree holds no value, about how the world will not even care about the degree I hold. I was SO excited for this new phase of my life but I feel so sucked out now, I am not even studying what I wanted but I am not showing the signs that I am upset about it. Whenever I tell my mom that sometimes I get upset that I was not able to go she tells me in a harsh way that I should be grateful but then they degrade my degree?? Funny thing is I got accepted into all the universities that I applied to ( both abroad and domestic ) yet I keep getting blamed / compared to because they could not send me.