Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Lately I just feel like I haven't had much enjoyment, actually that's just been my whole year. I did turn of age this year so that's good. Recently, I've been having bad health anxiety but I've been managing, today is just hard. It's exhausting and I wish i didn't have it, it's been making me have suicidal ideations, I'm constantly worried about every sensation in my body, thinking that I'm about to die. To help myself, I just accept death and see it was comfort so I'm not super scared. I'm not overweight and workout. Sometimes I get scared to workout because I think something bad could happen. Seeing online that active people or athletetic people can still die is also scary. I remind myself that those cases are rare and I'll be fine but even if they do happen, I'd try my best to be calm or accept my fate. I used to be a workout from but now I'm scared to do certain things. Ited helpful to know that I'm not alone tho and that's others go through the same thing. I also hate having veins, well not hate as they are needed but I don't like seeing them and feeling them inside my skin. I also dislike eating unhealthy foods, it's like every bite is closer to a health problem but that's kinda all of what my family buys, even frozen healthy foods can be unhealthy, it's like everything in American foods is trying to kill you which makes me eat less and go to bed hungry by accident. Living like this is tiring. Any help or advice is appreciated.

So I saw this guy a few months ago at school since we have the same club. I'm a transferee that came from an all-boys school and we're both in our second year of high school right now. I had to ask one of my close girl besties (calling this specific one AN) to help me find out what he likes so that I could hopefully ask him out, and she did find out he was gay. I got to know what he likes to eat, where he lived, how good were his grades in his classes, those kind of sorts.

Then just 2 weeks ago I planned to ask him out, and AN helped me get everything I needed just so I could hear him say 'yes'.

But when I confessed to him (calling him AR), he said he already knew and was still thinking about it. Because someone leaked my plans to him (this wasn't AN who leaked, I checked it already). I said I'd respect his decision even when he said no and until I received an answer from him directly, I'd keep my distance. And I did. Fast forward next week, and he said he didn't think we would work out.

So I continued to keep my distance from him. Then just yesterday. AN said AR asked her out.

She said yes, and said AR was straight now.

I don't know why he said no to me, not even giving it more than a week, then moving on to someone else. I still made sure to keep my distance from him (which means keeping my distance from AN as well), but I just don't think it's normal for people to take that short to move on. I just don't think it's fair that AN got to have the boyfriend that I couldn't get. Because I'm new to him. But AN and AR had a year to get to know each other.

I had a crush on this one guy back at my old school (calling him BA, yes it's the same person as the one in the story I had made a few months ago), and I don't know which is worse: having a crush on a guy for 2 years without saying it out loud to him, or finally asking someone out only for them to say no.

So it got me thinking.

Why does it still not matter?

Even when I try and put effort, or when I just love them silently,

they all find someone new. And that someone just ain't me.

When will I get to experience the joy of having someone else to love?

Because I left my family a long ass time ago.

They still can't love me.

I can deal with that.

But whenever I find someone new?

I wish we can just be together right then and there.

I tried a dating app awhile ago, I think two months now, and matched with a really sweet girl but it ended poorly to say the least. She told me that she was monogamous and acespec like me, but then tried to polybomb me, basically saying though she could see herself in a relationship with me that I wasn't worth monogamy. I'm still really hurt by that, it was the first time I really tried putting myself out there after a lot of trauma in my life (which she knew about- was one of the few people to not just treat me like crap right off the back for it. I told her more than I have ever told most people, not everything, but a lot) and so now I'm just... Sad.

I feel like I just don't belong anywhere. I'm intersex and transfem, preferring T4T, but my being intersex makes a not small number of the trans community say I "don't count" or "can't be trans" among other things. On top of that, it seems like there are no acespec or monogamous trans people, especially not transfems. I will just call myself queer and sapphic leaning for the sake of this post. It's not a lie, it's not wrong, it's just also not completely correct and doesn't say the whole picture.

My being disabled and chronically ill also makes a lot of potential partners steer clear. I feel like I have no community for FRIENDSHIP let alone romance with all I have going on, plus being stuck in a deep red part of an already red state, I was attacked just trying to buy groceries a few weeks after the election so I'm even more hesitant to even try to go anywhere for anything. I haven't set foot back in that store, settling for buying food at dollar stores as they're the only other thing close to where I live, because I'm so terrified of people hurting me again. I've thought of trying a dating app again, but I'm afraid of being manipulated like before again, and with the state of things I can see dating apps soon becoming dangerous for the lgbtqia2p community in general.

The world just feels so hostile, I have so much going on (see my last entries and just... A lot I won't get into), all I want is someone to cuddle up to and get through the storm with. Someone I can lean on, let them lean on me, be myself with and be loved/accepted wholly. Give them that in return. I don't think I've ever had anyone really do that to/for/with me. Platonic, familial, romantic- nothing. Whole other cans of worms.

I don't know. I guess I just want to say watch out for people who lie about being mono then try to polybomb you, and if any of you who do that sort of thing are reading this, cut it the hell out. It's also not being bigoted towards poly folk to just not want to be poly or date anyone who is poly, quit acting like it is, and telling someone that they're not worth commitment essentially? Disgusting. You're poly, fine and dandy, don't shame people who aren't or try to trick them into it. That's also not be polybashing, either. I'm just, admittedly, very hurt and traumatized further after that experience. In order to explain just why, I'd have to give information that would doxx me however, so I will not.

I also want to say, I wish sex wasn't put on such a high pedestal in love, that there were more people who liked cuddling and emotional connection over intimacy in that way. I wish cis people didn't see me, intersex person, as a broken thing needing fixed- that trans people would recognize I'm part of the community and have no privilege over them. We are both hurt by the same bigotry, the same bigots, I just want community and to belong. I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to find my forever people, friends and love, make the family I never got to have.

Does anyone have any advice for what I can do in my situation in regards to attempting to date? Or am I a lost cause?

This site has become my way to scream into the void, I guess, I'm sorry I'm so depressing.

Vent cause I Need to get this out of my head. I am really sorry for falling behind in school and tests, and being dead weight and making 10 out of 11 people in my classroom hate my guts. But the past three months have been absolute hell. I've gotten stranded in the middle of road, in winter, three times. Have been sick and grieving twice. And Just anxious and overworked in general. I won't ever tell them that cause I do know it's also my fault. Cause I can't get It together. I just can't. I've tried. A lot of everything for almost 6-ish years now, being dead-tired, overwhelmed and anxious. I don't do It on purpose and I hate being dead weight but this Is just the best i can do right now. Sometimes none of the things I try work. And I end up where i am right now, sick, dead tired and with a test tomorrow. Wish me luck. I'll probably survive. 🤧

The other evening, right as my workday was wrapping up, my wife Lena gave me a ring. She was over at her brother James's place and was pondering over our dinner plans. After a brief chat, we all agreed to meet at a quaint restaurant close by. The place usually has a slight wait, so timing was key. Lena and James were roughly ten minutes away, whereas I was a bit farther, about fifteen minutes out. They said they'd head out immediately, so I hustled to get there on time.

Upon arriving, I was surprised to see from my parking spot that they hadn't shown up yet. Curious and a bit annoyed, I dialed Lena to check their whereabouts, only to discover they hadn't left their initial spot yet! Choosing to wait in my truck, they finally appeared after an additional fifteen minutes. Once reunited, I walked in to put our names down, but they showed frustration towards me for not doing it earlier. They argued that I should have anticipated and spared us all from waiting.

This isn't a rare incident; it's a recurring theme with them. They tend to delay their arrival intentionally, sidestepping any initial hassle like setting up or, in this case, signing in and enduring the wait. Fed up with this tactic, I decided to stand my ground this time. Knowing that they had delayed their departure until I almost reached, and after confirming Lena had indeed been tracking my location, I opted not to register us until they were present, insisting on sharing the burden of waiting.

When confronted in the parking lot, they didn't originally request me to check us in, yet were irritated when they had to wait, presumably expecting me to have handled it. As someone who values punctuality, their habitual tardiness to dodge wait times grates on me.

They even labeled me inconsiderate for not putting our names down beforehand, despite my intention to instill a bit of equality in waiting. Was it wrong for me to want everyone to experience the wait this time, or was I justified in my actions to bring some balance?

Imagine this scenario playing out on a popular reality TV show. Viewers would likely be split, with some applauding my stand against habitual tardiness, while others might criticize me for creating unnecessary tension. Social media would buzz with opinions, memes, and possibly even polls siding with either me or my in-laws, turning a simple dinner plan into a highly debated drama.

From this experience, how do you feel about people intentionally arriving late?

I have been in a relationship for the past two years with this man and i love him to death and would do anything for him honestly. But him not caring enough to plan anything or gift me anything not even a small rose on my birthday made me think he doesn’t feel the same about me anymore but he gifted me this veryy expensive bag last month out of the blue cause he felt like it and now when i confronted him about not gifting me anything he said to me that the bag was my gift which honestly i love and appreciate but he could’ve atleast planned a date if he wasn’t gonna gift me anything, he didn’t even post a simple story in Instagram wishing me or anything which is all right but its just that birthdays are the only days you can make someone feel extra special and if i am being honest i have been planning his birthday since January and his birthday is in august so it hurt me a bit that he didn’t do anything for me.

My bestfriednd always had bad taste in men, they're ugly with ugly personality, but her boyfriend right now is destroying the last bit of patience I had for her, basically the only good thing about that guy is that he's tall, but he's face heck it could give people nightmare, his personality? Manipulative, arrogant, egoist, narcissist and want to put his schlong everywhere, I tried multiple times to get her to see that he's a bad guy but nooooo "sHe cAn fIx himmmm " she ain't Bob the builder, heck her own life is crumbling apart because of him but she doesn't want to see it and now she doesn't wanna talk to me because "I'm a bad influence in her life...." I helped her study, helped her find a scholarship, taught her how to make a C.V and how to network, but naaaah, i'm the bad influence, i'm tired of acting like her mama and when that guy cheat ( I know he will cause he asked me for spicy picture)I ain't gonna wipe her tears, I will tell her I told you so, if y'all were in my place what would you do?

My brother-in-law recently approached me with a request for his birthday - he wanted me to buy him a new bed. It's been a struggle for him financially; he shares an apartment with our mother-in-law and barely makes ends meet. His monthly income is around $1,000 at best, and he often can't cover his share of the rent. He holds a job at a local fast food joint, working merely 16 hours a week over two days, and he resists the idea of picking up more shifts. He says the job exacerbates his anxiety, particularly because his manager doesn’t allow him to listen to music or use his mobile phone during shifts, which he feels infringes on his personal freedoms.

When he called, he also mentioned a list of desired birthday gifts that he circulates annually among family members (he's 24, mind you), with the bed being a top priority since he’s been sleeping on a sofa ever since he moved back in with his mother. While I didn’t mind the idea of spending $200 on the bed, his financial management seemed questionable.

This became evident when I learned that he was planning a lavish week-long trip to Universal Studios, aiming to save up $3,000 for it the following year. Needless to say, I was taken abreed. The juxtaposition of his financial struggles with his ambitious vacation plans didn't sit right with me. I confronted him about his priorities, suggesting he reallocate his fun fund towards something as necessary as a bed. Though I am comfortably off, making a six-figure salary myself, the principle of the matter irked me - seeking aid while saving for an extravagant trip seemed irrational.

I withdrew my offer to buy the bed, letting him know that he needs to rethink his spending habits. Am I an ass for doing this? Should I have just bought the bed and ignored his questionable financial ethics?

Imagine this scenario being played out on a reality TV show. The tensions and moral debates would surely make for dramatic television, sparking debates among viewers. Would the audience side with me in thinking his request was unreasonable given his saving goals, or would they perceive my decision as too harsh?

A few months ago, a coworker who lives nearby found herself in need of transportation assistance because her car was at the repair shop. Seeing the predicament she was in, I volunteered to give her a ride home after work. Initially, I didn't mind the arrangement. I figured it was a temporary situation and was happy to help out. But as weeks turned into months, what was once a sporadic favor turned into an everyday expectation.

At first, the arrangement seemed manageable. However, it wasn’t long before it began to feel burdensome. The biggest issue was that she never offered to contribute to gas or any car-related expenses, nor did she reciprocate in any way. Additionally, my coworker wasn’t considerate of my time. She regularly made me wait because she wasn’t ready to leave at the usual hour, forcing me to stay late at the office more often than I preferred.

Eventually, the convenience of our shared rides wore thin, and I felt compelled to put an end to it. Last week, I gathered my courage and explained that I needed to stop driving her daily. I told her that my own schedule and responsibilities were being impacted, and I wanted to regain control over my own commuting routine. She seemed to understand during our conversation, but her behavior shifted afterward. She began giving me the cold shoulder, making the atmosphere between us uncomfortably tense.

The reaction among our other coworkers has been mixed. Some supported my decision to stop the rides, acknowledging the unfairness of the situation. Others seemed puzzled by my actions and suggested I should have continued to provide her with rides despite the inconvenience to myself.

Now, imagine if this dilemma was aired on a reality show. The heightened drama and varied personalities would certainly add an interesting twist. Viewers might be split, much like my coworkers, with some championing personal boundaries and others emphasizing compassion and community support. Camera crews capturing office dynamics and private venting sessions could potentially sway public opinion, painting me either as a pragmatic individual standing up for themselves or as standoffish and unhelpful.

Under the spotlight of a reality show, every subtle exchange and offhand comment would be amplified, possibly affecting not only public perception but genuine workplace relationships.

Am I wrong for wanting to reclaim my personal time and stop the carpool arrangement?

One of my closest friends, also 27, is tying the knot later this year. She asked me to be her bridesmaid towards the end of the previous year, and I was thrilled to accept, though I did not anticipate the demands that would come with this role.

She scheduled her bachelorette bash over a holiday weekend in Nashville, resulting in higher costs due to surge pricing. Here's a breakdown of the expenses we faced for that event:

- Flight: $500

- Accommodation: $350

- Themed outfits: $100

- Meals and drinks: $200

- Gift for the bride: $50

When I saw these figures, I regretfully informed the bride that I couldn't afford to participate in the bachelorette party. This decision met with some disappointment from her side, but my finances simply didn’t allow for such expenditures.

Now, as the wedding approaches, there’s a new list of expenses each bridesmaid must cover:

- Bridesmaid dress: $180

- Professional hair and makeup: $230

- Professional manicure: $120

- Hotel for the wedding night: $400

- Shoes: $60

- Flight to the wedding venue: $360

With these costs piling up, I find myself at a crossroads. The standards set by my friend seem excessively high. Furthermore, her recent email outlining the costs for our outfits and beauty services carried a tone suggesting we should prioritize her needs, which left me frustrated. I'm torn between feeling like a frugal friend and an exploited one. Additionally, two other bridesmaids have confided in me, expressing their own concerns regarding the expenses.

Honestly, how would this situation play out if it were part of a reality show? Would viewers sympathize with the financial strain we bridesmaids are facing, or would they criticize us for not fully committing to our friend’s special day? It seems as though the drama surrounding this could very well turn into prime reality TV material, sparking debates about the real costs of being a part of a wedding party.

I'm truly uncertain about how to address these mounting concerns without causing a rift. Any advice would certainly be appreciated.

well, here i am, 39 years old, lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and wondering why the heck i just can't seem to muster the energy to get out of bed. the relentless demands of family life have started to weigh me down, and the worst part is, it feels like no one notices. my three children, as much as i love them to pieces, are like tiny CEOs of their own chaotic corporations. breakfast, school drop-offs, extracurricular activities, homework, the list is endless. and my husband? 🤨 let's just say he's not exactly earning the father-of-the-year trophy. he's more of a silent partner in this venture, contributing minimally while i manage the lion’s share.

every day is a revolving door of tasks dictated by invisible time cards that pull me in every direction but towards what i need—rest. i’ve become the go-to project manager of our household, handling everything from grocery shopping and cooking, to emergency conflict resolution between a seven-year-old and a ten-year-old over whose turn it is to sit in the prized front seat. even our toddler has demands that rival a ceo’s morning agenda. however, as the perpetual first responder, my wake-up call is earlier than a rooster's crow; pre-dawn prep, lunches to pack, and laundry that's folded to military precision.

the reality is, i’m exhausted but i can't complain; it feels like my pleas fall on deaf ears. do you ever feel like your voice is a whisper in a room of shouting voices? family dynamics are complicated puzzles, aren’t they? society tells us that juggling motherhood, marriage, and a personal career is doable if we just try hard enough. but trust me, it's like trying to align misfit puzzle pieces. yet each morning, there remains the faint, stubborn hope that today will be the day my husband is better attuned or that the kids will navigate their own battles without conscription of 'mom' as their referee.

i find solace in quotes from Virginia Woolf, "Arrange whatever pieces come your way," even when those pieces have clearly lost their way. it brings me a level of optimism; there's hope in reflection and redirection, and perhaps that's where the solution lies. self-care isn't a luxury; it's a necessity. maybe it's time to reorganize the department of 'me' and delegate some tasks or even demand a little assistance in this familial startup. am i seeking too much? maybe. or perhaps it all starts by simply getting out of bed—one foot at a time, one step closer to balance.

wtf am I doing here...

Today was a taxing day for me. After my daily shift ended, I plunged into the task of baking a red velvet cake. The cake was for my younger sister, who just turned 12, and I wanted everything to be perfect, from its regal color to its fluffy texture.

Sinking hours into the preparation, I was quite proud of the outcome. However, the day turned sour when my mom came rushing into the kitchen. She has this compulsive habit—my family suspects it might be OCD—of tidying up constantly, although for her, it seems to be more about hygiene than mere neatness.

Whilst rearranging the contents of the fridge in her typical frenzy, she accidentally knocked my painstakingly crafted cake onto the floor. I stood frozen, anticipating her reaction which would set the tone for mine. Hoping for at least an apologetic word, I was dismayed when instead she erupted, berating me for being careless and extending her irritation inexplicably to my other three siblings.

Overwhelmed, I retreated to the bathroom and tears came, a release I haven't sought in years. It might sound silly, but it provided a momentary relief. Meanwhile, the chaos continued in the kitchen. My two older siblings attempted to mediate, offering her a different perspective. Rather than calming down, she defensively shouted back, suggesting somehow the blunder was my doing.

Further pressed, she shouted louder, "So is this my fault?" Her voice broke, revealing a hint of emotion that made me feel unexpectedly guilty.

She continued ranting about how fortunate I was that it was her who made this mistake as anyone else might have left the mess. Knowing her well, apologies were off the table; she has never uttered one in my 16 years. What I yearned for, more than anything, was that simple acknowledgment of error.

Abandoning the situation, I left the cake and the chaos on the kitchen floor, feeling somewhat guilty as she was left to clean up alone, possibly fueling her anger.

If this scene were unraveling in a reality show, the cameras would zoom in on the fallen cake, capturing every angle of the disaster and every ounce of emotion in our expressions. Such dramatic moments are a staple in those shows, and I wonder, would the audience sympathize with my plight or would they judge my reaction? Would the public's view influence her behavior, seeing as audiences sometimes sway what occurs onscreen? It’s something to ponder—how the presence of an audience might alter our familial dramas.

Given this tense situation, I often question if I was wrong for just walking away. Should I have stayed and confronted the mess and the emotions head-on?

I'm in my early 20s and just started at a mid-sized tech company in the San Mateo area about 1.5 months ago. The office has around 500 people, and things are mostly going well, except for one annoying issue - single-use EVERYTHING. Styrofoam cups, java jackets, plastic utensils, canned water, you name it. Every day, I see people with those waxy coated paper cups for coffee, water, juice, whatever. These can't be recycled, yet they keep ending up in the recycling bin.

Yesterday, I decided to put up some simple paper signs around the cup area. They said, "Consider bringing your own reusable mug to the office :) These wax-coated cups cannot be recycled. Our reliance on single-use items creates unnecessary garbage and furthers our dependence on plastic." Whenever I passed by the kitchen, I saw people reading the signs and felt super proud of making a difference! But today, when I came in, the signs near the HR area were taken down. So, I printed more. Again, they were removed within 2 hours. Since HR orders all the kitchen supplies, I suspect it's them. I'd talk to HR, but I feel like they're biased since they order this stuff. It's frustrating because, being in the SF Bay Area, we should be held to a higher standard of sustainability, especially as a mid-sized company. You wouldn't find this much single-use garbage in other offices around here.

So, am I wrong for being concerned about our office sustainability? How should I resolve this? Also, what if this was a reality show? Can you imagine the drama? Like, would people root for me or the HR folks? How would the audience react to my efforts to make the office greener?

It's winter, and I'm on my way to work using the local bus. My stop is at the end of the route, so buses usually stop for about 5-10 minutes before continuing.

I approached the bus and found the entry door shut. I knocked lightly to let the driver know I was there. He opened the door and said, "I'm on my break," then closed it again.

I stood there, baffled, trying to understand what just happened. So, fine, I'll wait. Five minutes later, I'm still outside in the freezing cold. I knocked again, normally, but the driver ignored me. I knocked once more, and he finally opened the door, saying, "Why are you being so rude? Can't you see I'm on my break?" I replied, "Man, it's cold. What's wrong with letting me in? You just need to push a button."

He let me in after that. It was the first time this happened in my six years of using public transport. Normally, the buses have the doors open for people to get on.

Looking back, it's really silly, but I wanted to share for a laugh. If this happened on a reality show, I wonder how people would react. Would they think I was the jerk or sympathize with me standing out in the cold?

Did I do something wrong?

My older sister, who is ten years older than me, recently decided to host a gender reveal party. We have our differences, largely because of our age gap and conflicting personalities, and sometimes she comes across as quite entitled. Despite that, she is still family, making it almost obligatory for my husband and I to attend her special occasion.

To give some context, my journey to motherhood has been fraught with heartbreak. I have been pregnant four times, but tragically, none of these pregnancies resulted in a living child. I've endured three miscarriages and the devastating loss of a stillborn baby who would be turning one year old. My husband and I have since been taking time off to cope with our losses, hoping to someday be ready to try again.

Upon arriving at my sister’s party, everything was overwhelmingly adorned in pink, hinting strongly at a girl. The absence of anything blue was puzzling, given the purpose of the event. However, when the reveal finally happened, it turned out she was having a boy. My sister's reaction was extreme; she became hysterical, shouting and cursing about her disappointment and how this wasn't what she had envisioned. Her husband wasn't pleased either, dismissing the event as pointless. Watching them, I felt a mix of sadness and repulsion, knowing I would give anything to have a child of my own. Unable to bear it, we decided to leave quietly, although it didn’t go unnoticed.

Later, my sister confronted me about why we left so abruptly without offering her comfort. I tried to explain that I couldn’t empathize with her reaction, which only led her to accuse me of being judgmental and unsupportive. She expressed how her dreams were shattered, now that she had to prepare for a boy instead of a girl. During our conversation, which escalated quickly, I ended up hanging up. Predictably, this was followed by a harsh text calling me a terrible sister. My parents also intervened, implying that I should have suppressed my feelings and supported her nonetheless.

Imagine if all of this had happened on a reality show. The dramatic reveal, my sister's public meltdown, followed by the family turmoil could have been sensationalized for ratings. Viewers might have been on the edge of their seats or pouring out support and criticism alike on social media platforms. The very personal pain and familial conflicts exposed on national television could have sparked widespread controversy and discussion about the appropriateness and emotional implications of gender reveal parties.