Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

i just feel so terrible rn. not physically, but mentally and emotionally. i overstimulated myself so much that i can’t even do anything like i used to. i can’t focus on classes much, while assignments are piling up on me. i can’t even get over the horror film i saw last night, and ai hate is getting more and more terrible each day. and if that wasn’t enough, my sprained foot hurts me sometimes.

all that while i wonder to myself: “am i just taking too many steps back?” i thought that i was improving, but i can’t even take a long, loooong break from everything. it just hurts. i want everything to stop.

sorry if all of this is word soup. i couldn’t take it anymore.

i can't believe another year has come and gone, and here i am, 54 years old, sitting back and reflecting on the events of the past year. it's been a ride full of ups and downs, hasn't it? sometimes it feels like time just slips through my fingers, like sand in an hourglass. but guess what? i survived another one, and I have my health, my family, and somehow the world feels new again. seriously though, how good is it to be surrounded by your loved ones on new year's eve, right? we were all huddled up in the living room, telling stories and laughing like a pack of hyenas. you know those moments when you're just so happy you could burst? that's what it was like. everyone was in high spirits, and looking around, i couldn't help but feel incredibly blessed. and all of them were healthy, thank God! if i'm being honest, it's challenging at times not to worry about the future. there seems to be so much uncertainty, especially with everything happening around the world. you watch the news, and it's hard not to digest all the negativity that gets thrown at you. how many times have you caught yourself thinking, "what's next?" but then i remember the quote from that one song, "life's what you make it," and i think, if i focus on the positive, maybe, just maybe, things will turn out alright. 🙂 i'm sure you can relate. sure, i've got my fair share of regrets and wish i could hit rewind on a few decisions, but that's life, isn't it? you live and you learn. i remember my parents always saying, "don't sweat the small stuff," and i'm really starting to get that now. it's like, what's the point in stressing over things you can’t change? honestly, it's been eye-opening for me to just let things be and, as the classic beatles song goes, "let it be." there's a comfort in knowing that i'm not alone in my worries and thoughts. we’re all just trying to navigate this crazy world we live in, doing our best to put one foot in front of the other. and when you take a moment to step back and look at the bigger picture, you see the beauty in the chaos. speaking of beauty, i can’t help but gush about nature and how it's been my saving grace through all of this. you ever just go outside, take a deep breath, and remind yourself of all the things you're thankful for? i try to do it as often as possible. maybe i'm just getting sappy with age, but every time i hear the birds chirping or feel the breeze against my face, i can't help but thank the earth for its never-ending wonder. there's something so grounding about connecting with nature. it puts everything into perspective for me. you ever notice how everything just feels right when you're sitting under a starlit sky, lost in your thoughts? it’s like the universe is telling you, "hey, don’t worry too much." i guess what i'm trying to say is that, through all the uncertainties, I’m grateful for what I have. i’ve been blessed with a supportive family who lights up even my darkest days and friends who are like family, who always have my back. you can't buy that kind of love, you know? it’s priceless. when you strip away everything else, isn't that what life’s about? creating memories with the people who matter the most is what makes it all worthwhile. sure, i might not have all the riches in the world, and my bank account is nothing to brag about, but feeling this deep sense of gratitude is richer than any treasure could ever make me. the question now is, as we move forward, how do we keep this mindset? how do we keep reminding ourselves of what's truly important when life throws us a curveball? i know i’ll try my best, even if it means slipping up here and there. so, yeah, thank you, earth, for everything you've given me – more than I could ever ask for. here's to another year of figuring things out, loving the people close to us, and appreciating the small joys day by day. let's keep reminding ourselves to breathe and take life as it comes because it's the only way we’re truly going to make the most of what we have. what are your thoughts? looking forward to hearing your take!

okay so i really don’t kno what’s wrong with me rn and i feel super confused all the time, like i got this bf right? he’s sweet and nice and he’s always there for me and we been together for like 7 months now which is kinda a big deal for me lol, cuz usually i get bored or annoyed but with him it’s been good mostly. but the thing is… there’s this other guy. and it’s not like i went looking for it or anything!! it just kinda happened. he’s in my class and we started talkin more and more, just being chill and stuff, joking around, texting late sometimes. nd now every time i see him my heart does that stupid little jump thing, ugh. i feel so wrong even typing this like what kinda person catches feelings for someone else while already having a boyfriend?? i feel like a terrible gf but at the same time i can’t help it. like my brain is screaming stoppp but my heart is like what if u like both?? and now i don’t even know what love is anymore.

i thought love was supposed to be this one person thing, like u find ur person and boom that’s it. no one tells u what to do when u catch feelings for two diff people at the same time. and it’s not even like one is bad and the other is better. they’re just… different. my bf is more soft and sweet, like the kind of guy who brings u snacks when u sad and listens to u talk for hours even if ur just being dramatic. the other guy tho? he’s more funny and confident and flirty and i feel all nervous around him and excited in this like crazy way that makes me feel alive. so what does that mean?? does that mean i don’t love my boyfriend anymore?? or do i just love them in diff ways?? idk if this makes me a bad person or if this is normal and ppl just don’t talk about it. i asked one of my friends and she was like “girl you gotta pick” but what if i don’t wanna yet? what if choosing means losing something important either way?? and like… what if i’m too young to even know what real love is and i’m just being stupid?? ughh my brain hurts fr.

some nights i lay there thinking maybe i just want attention or maybe im scared of being bored or maybe i like the idea of love more than the real thing, but it feels real. like when i think about both of them i get this ache in my chest and i just want them both to know how much i care. but that’s not fair right? i kno i gotta be honest and maybe break things off or make a decision, but i also don’t wanna hurt anyone. nd the more i wait the more i feel like im just messin everything up. i wish someone could just tell me what to do or if it’s even possible to really love two people at the same time. cuz if it is, then maybe im not crazy. maybe im just human. but if it’s not, then what the heck am i supposed to do with all these feelings?? everything feels messy and complicated and i just wanna scream into a pillow and not think about it but the thoughts always come back. being a teen is dumb sometimes.

Alexithyma

noun

the inability to recognize or describe one's own emotions.

Growing up, my life was deeply entrenched in religious practices, as both of my parents embraced faith as young adults, met at church, and centered their entire social existence around religious activities. About five years ago, I realized that I didn't share their beliefs, and ever since revealing this, our relationship has been strained, particularly with my mother. As a child, I often protested attending church and expressed my discomfort with having religion imposed upon me. My stance saddened my parents, especially my mother, who confessed that it made her question her faith. They explained that since I live under their roof and am financially dependent on them, I must abide by their rules, which includes attending church.

As I've matured, I've come to understand how fundamental their faith is to them and that they believe they are acting in my best interest. Thus, I attend church with them every week without complaint. However, I still struggle when they continuously bring religion into daily conversations. Seeking advice usually leads to responses laden with religious references, which don’t resonate with me. Although I've tried to explain my point of view, it often results in arguments, with my parents insisting that they are just trying to offer guidance.

Not long ago, during a lengthy car ride, they insisted on interrupting my music listening to share a biblical passage. This demand sparked frustration in me, prompting me to confront their forceful approach. The situation escalated, and as a consequence, they confiscated my phone for the rest of the journey. While losing my phone is trivial, the recurring theme of such disputes pains me.

Understanding my change of heart has been hard for my parents, but their insistence on incorporating Christianity into aspects of my life where it makes me uncomfortable seems like an infringement on my personal boundaries. Am I indeed being closed-minded by asking them to refrain from pushing their beliefs on me, or am I unjustified here?

If my situation was featured in a reality show, the reactions could be quite polarized. Viewers might side with me, feeling sympathetic towards my desire for personal belief independence, while others might regard my parents' actions as justified guidance for someone under their care. This could potentially lead to heated debates among the audience about the balance between parental influence and individual freedom.

ok not rn but in 2 years :D like everyone’s keep saying the ‘economy so horrible’, ‘no one’s hiring’ bro I don’t want to imagine how it will be in 2 years 😭 well it could be much better? Well like how should I prepare right now to get myself a job when I graduate??

My family adopted a cat in december, well she adopted us. And I wanna know how to make great games for her because sometimes she seems a little bit bored.

I’m 14- I’ll be 15 within the month, and I cant remember hardly anything of my childhood up until 14. I get that this is the time of edgy posting, with puberty and all that, no? But all I ask of you is to keep an open mind while you listen. I hope writing to you helps me recall.

But this has been bothering me in a way I can’t quite explain, an ache within me that tells me something is wrong. I feel like as a person, I only exist on the surface, an outer shell without a solid inner being. Or maybe it’s the other way around, like I’m buried in someone else? I don’t know where I am, but i’m not whole. I don’t know who I am, I do I know that’s still forming- normal at this age, but I feel like I was thrown into this body a year ago to pick up the pieces of someone who left without a trace. It’s so frustrating because WHERE DID THAT PERSON GO and why did they LEAVE me here. They’re not something I can prove, the only evidence I have of them is what people who knew them tell me.

But stay with me. The first time I felt awake or present as the me now was January 12th 2025, a MONTH ago, like I was shook from a daze. This might sound batshit insane to you, but remember what I’ve told you above. when my sibling made jest about part of my mother’s beating of me I didn’t even know took place, he asked, “You don’t remember?” I didn’t, but I *felt* it and was sure, like the flood the damn held crashed into me and swept me from my stagnant state. my heart began to race- head light and breath hard to find, panic, I needed to excuse myself. It took me days, but when I broke down, i finally felt like a breathing human again, for something I hardly think happened to me- like I recovered a piece of an otherwise blank slate (the beatings do not go on to this day, we have a good relationship). I journaled comprehensively about it. That was the first time I’ve felt connected to… something? I remember telling someone that I felt weird after that day, like a different person, that hasn’t gone away. But being able to remember something makes me realize how much I can’t remember, and that drives me insane. I try to remember why I still do things I do, what’s influences it, why I’m so anxious about people finding something out about me (that I don’t even know ?), so conscious about the words I use to formulate my thoughts, why they take so long for me to express, why I care about people, why I was too depressed to get out of bed a few months ago or to even hold friendships with people- and how all that just changed with a snap? That isn’t how it works. That’s what makes it even harder to trust myself as I am now. People ask me questions about myself, about an integral part of me, and I stare into space without finding a single answer. It makes me feel like I’m not real.

I’ve stumbled upon an old video of me today, one I had no recollection of, happily squealing in play with my family in our old apartment- and it sent me into a panic like the one before, it’s what got me to write this to you. There was nothing wrong with the content, but I’ve discovered it might be because I couldn’t identify that person as *me*, or seeing that apartment again paralyzed me with indescribable fear- and in tandem made me feel I was losing hold on myself again.

Enough of me. If you made it this far, I implore your perspective on the matter. How can I find what I’ve lost? Or center myself right again as this foreign person? Please leave your thoughts below if you have any- if you relate, or just wanna comment, I appreciate any of it.

Thank you -Anonymous scourge fan

I feel a lot of affection toward one of the doctors who treated me. In fact, I feel a sense of care that neither my father nor my mother had ever given me. I feel affectionate, loving, and for the first time, I don't feel like speaking ill of parental figures as I always have, and that makes me happy. I confess that I never liked speaking ill of my parents because I felt it was denigrating my past, my person, that part of me that was made up of them, but I couldn't help it.

In fact, I confess, I'm sorry to be writing about them like this because I feel it's distancing me from them, and I don't want to do that. I don't want to distance myself from other parental figures again; I'm not interested in doing that. I feel like I want to be with them, not cause them any inconvenience, no fights, just follow them blindly. Yes, that's exactly it.

I feel like I've put all my critical tools to work distancing myself from my parents, which was my greatest wish. I didn't want that to happen again. In fact, that's why I feel like these doctors are like paternal figures, and I feel like they've adapted me in some way. It fulfills me in part because I feel like they're replacing my parents, but I can't help it.

How can I not give them credit for being paternal figures if they've earned it? Even with their example. They're inclusive of me. I even feel like I'm part of the family, where I'm taken into account, where I'm a priority, where I'm taken seriously and with care. I feel like this made me feel completely cut off from the family. My parents were always willing to make me feel marginalized, but these doctors, on the other hand, make me feel like I'm part of something, that there's a system that loves me, that appreciates me, that wants me alive. With my parents, I felt like that was impossible because I was born among them, which didn't seem fair at all.

I never felt like part of the family. They never allowed me to. No matter how hard I tried to get inside, they kept me defensive about my parents. I simply had to keep quiet because it was them, as if they were the perpetrators of a massacre to which I was condemned without any salvation. Even with my family, they closed the door on me and left me in a dead end. I can't ask the doctors to play my parents, however, I see an interest in them in making me their son, given that, for some reason, I see that they have lacked that possibility, mainly due to their spirit of justice, commitment, and friendliness, which precisely constitutes a burden that is very difficult to compensate.

In fact, with another of the doctors, I feel a relationship, also familiar, in terms of a courtship, but it goes beyond that; it's even familial. The group of doctors who treated me feel like a kind of family that somehow adapted me, that opened their doors to me. I don't understand why. It's as if, despite the treatment having been completed, they had adapted me given the conditions I expressed regarding my parents, as if they weren't acting as caregivers, as if their job served as an excuse to fulfill that position from the perspective they can offer. Their pain over my situation, even though they didn't express it, was harsh, and this time, unlike what they could do with their friends or with someone other than the patient, they couldn't distance themselves from it, given that their duty was to care for me, and it remains that way. It's as if the grieving process they had to endure regarding me in order to transition to other patients had never ended.

It's strange. So, I have a new family, but the question is: How is this? Why did it happen to me? Why did I have to transition to a new family? This happened without anyone's permission; no one wanted this to happen. We're all giving in to our impulses just like that. We all turned our backs on the issue because there was no excuse to escape, but this time it's not possible. How could this have happened to me? Isn't it easier to walk around without family? I don't even see these doctors; they're distant. I vaguely know them, because of life's circumstances, on the same level of appreciation with which I view my parents. Why is it that I value them as family? I feel that the same distance I maintain with my family, I maintain with them. In fact, this doctor, who I didn't specify as my father but rather as my sister, was so distant, uncommunicative, she was my sister. What surprises me is that I experience this simple pattern of interaction as a substitute and satisfying family. I mean, I can't believe my family is so easy to replace. In fact, beyond them, I don't know anything, a question I experience with my blood family itself.

Is it that in my family, we are so empty? The doctors have given me vague interaction. Exactly what I've felt with my parents regarding working together. Is there so little in my family that unites us? The family relationship between us has been practical Especially that of us being in a work environment where my sister and I are the clients. How could this union have happened just like that? I can't believe my family is so simple and vague. I can't believe it. I can't believe I can replace it so easily. In fact, I feel more confident with these vague details.

I can't believe what I'm experiencing. And just like that, this emerged out of nowhere, just like that. With barely any planning. Furthermore, with selected personnel, I'm talking about doctors, for their work skills. What the heck was my family back then? I swore we were much more complex. Not one you could easily get anywhere. It makes me feel like my family, what we had between us, was just anything. Frankly, I can't believe it.

I feel like there was really nothing between my family and me. Not even with my sister and my parents, just a sad pity that camouflaged it. I never thought I'd discover this. Furthermore, the same frequency with which I see my parents is the same frequency with which I see the doctors I consider my parents. In fact, I trust the female one more, and she's the one who is open and concrete, a bit of a leader, just like my mother, and the male one is rude, drastic, but with a certain measure of restraint, and also authoritarian at times. I can't believe, I insist, that the same core group has formed as when I was at home, which for me was unstable and unstable, just as I experienced at the place where these doctors treated me. Furthermore, with the doctor I feel like my sister, equally distant, eccentric, lonely, and forced to do what she was doing to survive. I can't believe, I insist, that I've encountered the same core group of people.

What is my family then? A group of random people? What the heck did we have at home? Parents who propped up the situation as best they could, trying to get by without any success beyond support, and a sister who did whatever it took to look good with them and everyone else, while I was simply at the mercy of observation and finger-pointing. I insist, I can't believe the same modus operandi developed that existed at home; having, in other words, an emotional and rebellious inclination between my sister and me toward the world. I insist: What the hell did we have at home? Why did we have this at home? How could we have had such a simple, vague, and dysfunctional way of living together? Dysfunctional given that there was no review of the family's destiny despite the elements against it. What did we have at home? Simply, everyone pulling for themselves. The doctor I consider a father was distant from the case and didn't express it, like my mother. What did we have at home? It was everyone for themselves, after all, a sad attempt for each of us to survive. How could we have been so simple-minded? In this family, as a nucleus, there was no depth whatsoever. My parents, besides wanting to look good to those in authority, as always, and being clever at making one look bad, and acting as an inclusion.

I'm a 16 year old male. I was born into a religious household, where Christianity was the most important thing for us. I won't be going into this exact part so much, but I want to offer some context. I was beaten up a lot since I was a kid. I still remember many of the things they did to me. Say, that time my mother struck me with the sharp side of a metal ruler for rolling on the ground as an 8-10 year old. I wasn't throwing a tantrum, I was just... rolling on a floor. With no one watching. And my clothes got a bit dirty for an event we had that day. I still remember that time she dropped me in an orphanage for eight hours straight after misbehaving in one of my Taekwondo classes... As an 10 year old. I still remember all of it. And how powerless I felt every time.

Since the start, they made me understand very clearly that I did not have control over my mother, neither on myself. If you're wondering where my father is, he "doesn't like to get involved" in those beatings, since then, my mother lashes into him. My mother has a history of mental illnesses (specifically, depression caused by her even sh#ttier mother). There was no fighting back. There was no chance for me to have a say in anything. My mother had the final word over everything. This only laid the groundwork for the things I'm going through now.

As any traditional christian parent, both my mother and father are extremely homophobic, transphobic, and my mother specifically is racist (and excuses herself by saying that she has black friends, but whatever. That's not the point here). As I entered puberty and started finding out who I was, I found myself liking what they deemed "girly" things. Long, fluffy hair (which, they never allowed me to have), the colors pink and red, Touhou project (a videogame saga)... Eventually, my parents suspected that I might be turning gay.

Every day, they would discuss with me. Every day, they would tell me to remove every single "girly" thing I had. I was pretty homophobic myself back then (and I apologize deeply), but I got forced into going through what a huge chunk of the queer community has to go through when coming out as something.

Every day, it was another discussion. A meaningless talk that extended for hours about my parents telling me that I was heading in the wrong path and repeating bible verses. They didn't want to change their minds. They only wanted to change mine.

Let's go to the present day. I... Don't feel well. I feel powerless and weak. I have seen first-hand that my parents would never accept me for who I truly am. I found out something lately. Every time I saw a trans woman, I could feel my blood boil. I found out... that it wasn't because I disliked transgender people. I wanted to be one.

Of course, I can admit it here. I want to be a woman. I want to be pretty, to be loved... And I know that, probably, that'll never happen. People at my school just see me as an autistic kid from which they ask homework when they need some. People exploit the fact that I'm extremely weak emotionally to their favor.

It all happened yesterday. I saw a video in Youtube of a trans woman telling her Highschool experiences with gender dysphoria. They were terrifyingly accurate with the things I was feeling... and I'll admit it. I felt so horrible while watching the video. It felt like being a wild animal in a cage, only able to watch other wild animals roam free and happily wherever they want. I can't do anything. I'm not anyone. I'm simply an insecure 16 year old.

She was able to achieve her goal, and she had other supporting her... why couldn't I...

I feel so isolated from others and myself. I have no one supporting me. No one asks me what I want. What I desire.

I desire to be a woman. and the thing I know about myself is that it's a strong feeling. I'm not making it up.

I just hate feeling like this so much. I hate knowing that, despite any path I choose to take, no one will love me regardless.

Not even my parents. I understand they want the best for me, but... they are the same ones that threatened me to never forgive me and take me out of their will if I ever come out as something. They would rather forgive me for murder than for choosing to be gay. And I'm not coming up with that, my mother told that to me.

I just... want to be a woman.

At the same time, I know I can't.

I feel like I have NO control over my own life.

I'm stuck like this for... who knows how long.

I stopped feeling comfortable with myself a long time ago.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm myself not a suicidal person, but...

I'm here because I need advice. I acknowledge that, maybe, I'm the wrong one, and I'm willing to accept that, if it is true.

WARNING: It can be triggering for people with ED, I am not sure tho, sorry this is my first time venting to someone.

I am a 17yo and ever since I remember I hated myself and wanted to lose weight, I was one of the largest girls in class and all my friends were skinny and beautiful. Nobody has ever loved me, called me beautiful etc.. I have been trying to lose weigh since I was 10 I thinks, but I can't, idk why. I hate myself so much, I hate the feeling of my body, I want to cry when I feel my stomach while lying on the bed. I want to feel beautiful but I can't until I lose weight, but I can't lose weight and it's makes me so depressed everyday.

for a while, I've been feeling very lonely. i am very introverted, don't mind being on my own, and interacting with new people is very tiresome. but still, for some reason, I've been craving some kind of intimacy, some connection with someone, specifically with a woman. i want a girlfriend.

when i realized it, I was very cringed at myself. i always saw myself as self sufficient, no need for romance or sex... but suddenly i feel like this, wanting the embrace of a pretty woman, hearing kind words and affirmations, being truly loved, appreciated, being someone's important person...

so, i created this imaginary girlfriend inside my head, for me to fantasize about whenever loneliness hit me. I've always lived inside my own head 24/7, it's a trait of mine to just stop and think about things, wander in imagination, so it wasn't hard for me to sink into this fantasy.

my imaginary girlfriend is older and more mature than me, not in a "superiority" way, but in a way that helps me grow as a person and navigate this difficult world. she's kind, extroverted, funny, very gentle and almost motherly. flirty and spicy, but understanding of my boundaries as an extremely shy and embarrassed person. she's bigger than me, both in terms of height and body mass, and likes to put her weight on me for fun. she likes to bring me to different places, and is dedicated to letting me experience things and have fun outside of my comfort zone, but never pushing me uncomfortably far. overall, she's the half I'm missing(?)

but, after a while with this fantasy, i started to get attached to this image of her, and started to wonder: how will i leave this fantasy when i meet a potential real life girlfriend? how will i let go of my expectations, everything that i "built" with this imaginary woman? i know, i am probably embarrassingly delusional LMAO but i really want to be able to leave it behind eventually, because I don't want the girl in my future to feel like she isn't good enough for me. mainly, the thing i want to figure out is HOW to draw the line between what is just "my type" X what is an "hyper expectation" from someone.

does anyone else feel or ever felt this way? if so, how was it when you found a real person for yourself? i really want to hear...

so I've been friends with her for about 3 years, and I'm not even over exaggerating when I say she has no concept of things beyond what she has experienced. she literally thought sore teeth didn't exist because she never had them. so anyway she judges me for practically everything I do, and I swear its like she struggles being happy for me, when I literally went on call with her to give her advice while she was talking to a guy, listened and hyped her up for three days straight when the guy was all she ever talked about. so recently when we were volunteering these two guys came up to us and one was tall and kinda cute and the other was not ugly but he looked like REALLY young like out little brothers young, and the tall guy asked for my number and the short one asked for hers. I was already looking at her though because she has pulled all the guys in the past so I didn't even expect one to ask for my number. so afterwards we kinda just went on with what we were doing and she kept calling them chopped chuz when mine wasn't acc chopped... so like I kinda just acclimated to what she was saying and agreed but she literally wouldn't stop calling them chopped like literally doing it nonstop so I started getting deffensive bc he acc wasn't and it was annoying me. so she like reluctantly stopped for a bit. so I've been texting him and stuff and he is actually super sweet, but one time I asked her for advice for what to text because he said something I didn't know how to respond to and she just said "idk just stop talking to him" and switched the conversation to her. so I confronted her about it and literally reminded her about how I listened to her talk about her crush for three days straight, and she literally just disregarded it. she literally gets like upset when I talk about him. and on another tangent, I get tired super easily. like, get 12 hours of sleep and still be yawning in class tired. because of it, I don't always want to hang out after school with her, and recently she has started getting petty about it. whenever I say I don't want to hang out she literally says "ohh is baby too tierdd did she not get her Naptime" like what in the highschool musical bullying... like ik I'm making all of this sound like a joke but it's actually so draining. I don't think she realizes how many little comments she makes but they have gone from not thinking before speaking to passive aggressive and targeted. I'm not compleatly innocent either, I 100% have done things passive aggressively, but I make sure never to do them unprovoked, and always try to at least keep it in check. she has not only just started doing this either, she has not thought about what she says for the three years I've known her. it broke me down a bit, and she knows it. she just doesn't seem to care about what I have to say. she forces me to keep conversation going if I try talking or just interrupts me and brings the topic back to her. I somtimes say stuff like I wish I had more friends, but then she says 'your not gonna get any friends if you just sit around and never talk to anyone" and that's true, but then when I try to talk with new people she dominates the conversation, interupts me, and answers for me. she answers for me A LOT and it's actually so annoying. she is so hypocritical and will tell me not to do something, only to do the exact same thing herself. I just dont know what to do about her anymore. I guess I just want to know if I'm overreacting or not. there's a lot more, but that's way to long to write about.

thanks for getting this far

I'm in my early 20s and just started at a mid-sized tech company in the San Mateo area about 1.5 months ago. The office has around 500 people, and things are mostly going well, except for one annoying issue - single-use EVERYTHING. Styrofoam cups, java jackets, plastic utensils, canned water, you name it. Every day, I see people with those waxy coated paper cups for coffee, water, juice, whatever. These can't be recycled, yet they keep ending up in the recycling bin.

Yesterday, I decided to put up some simple paper signs around the cup area. They said, "Consider bringing your own reusable mug to the office :) These wax-coated cups cannot be recycled. Our reliance on single-use items creates unnecessary garbage and furthers our dependence on plastic." Whenever I passed by the kitchen, I saw people reading the signs and felt super proud of making a difference! But today, when I came in, the signs near the HR area were taken down. So, I printed more. Again, they were removed within 2 hours. Since HR orders all the kitchen supplies, I suspect it's them. I'd talk to HR, but I feel like they're biased since they order this stuff. It's frustrating because, being in the SF Bay Area, we should be held to a higher standard of sustainability, especially as a mid-sized company. You wouldn't find this much single-use garbage in other offices around here.

So, am I wrong for being concerned about our office sustainability? How should I resolve this? Also, what if this was a reality show? Can you imagine the drama? Like, would people root for me or the HR folks? How would the audience react to my efforts to make the office greener?

im 16, and i have never felt worse about myself than i do right now and these last few weeks.

since i was a little kid, ive been in bad homes. No matter who i was living with, it has always been filthy and disfunctional. right this instant im living in probably the 2nd or 3rd worst home ive ever lived in. its filthy and miserable. i have a decently severe weed addiction that i adopted in november 2023 after smoking for the first time in august of that same year. my dad got me started (and still supplies me with it) and i dont really hate him for that? i might have killed myself a long time ago if it wasnt for the emotional suppression that weed does to me. Im probably high more than im sober. the weed addiction isnt that bad to be honest but i thought its relevant.

Covid fucked my one good relationship with my old best friend connor. barely talk to him anymore and the majority of my friends are online. I do online school right now, because going to school makes me want to kill myself.

but the thing is, i dont have many real life friends. and that fucking sucks. i dont do anything at all most days other than fuck around on games or fl studio. i have a job too but that doesnt help too much.

im fat. 248lbs at the moment and losing. its alot better than what i was (around 330-350 i dont fully remember). i feel like no one could stand looking at me in a romantic way because of my weight, which realistically i know thats not entirely true. my face isnt much better, i dont consider myself ugly, but i visibly look like my mother, and it fucks me up. i have a very bad relationship with her that i would need a seperate post to go into. tldr for that one is i havent seen her in person in 2 years almost, and she never calls me because shes a heavy drug addict, basically addicted to anything you could think of.

When i was 14 my life (which was already pretty shitty) went to hell. we got evicted due to our disgusting house. thats mostly because of my sisters and my dumb as fuck family who thought we could handle 2 extra drug babies who are not right mentally. after we got evicted, we moved in with my extended family for like 2 months. Thats 12 people in a 3 bedroom house. i hated it. but i got my first experience with my own room. because up until then i was always given the living room to sleep in because i was the oldest. when i lived with the extended family, they gave me a room to myself for some reason. something about genders shouldnt mix? theyre pretty conservative. after 2 months of living with them, we had to leave. we moved into an extremely shitty hotel, one room for everybody, 2 beds. then we moved into a much worse hotel that had 2 rooms. but super infested with roaches. i got so depressed i was getting physically sick. i stayed home from school for a week. after a while, i couldnt take it anymore. i moved in with my dad and here we are now. im writing this while its 5 am so this is gonna be hard to read, sorry its all fucked up and disjointed. honestly theres like 9 other things i wanted to include but maybe another time.

TL;DR

shitty house, shitty family, loneliness, and the want to kill myself