Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

i am just so tired. i am a second semester senior and i dont feel the joy everyone else feels right now and it feels like my life is in shambles and i have noting together. my family is dysfunctional, im slowly losing a grip on my grades, all my friends hate eachother (please see my college apps are ruining my friends story because suprise suprise its gotten worse), i have litearlly nothing going for me and i am writing this while sobbing uncontrollably. i am so tired, my mother has cancer so i take care of everything, litearllty everything you can imagine in a household. bills? did it. sister's swim practice? already omw. cooking? already meal prepped for the whole week. except im under appreciated and burnt out i am depressed and anxious all the time but i cant talk to my mom about it because shes already so sick i cant do that to her, my poor baby sister is going through middle school drama and im her only parental figure, and my dad hates me like he goes out of his way to ignore me and i have to look like i can hold everything together and be put together and go to school and run my four clubs that im president of and deal with my crappy friends who keep shoving their college acceptences in my face and ask me about mine and mock me and still do research and work three jobs and act like everything is ok. im so tired of life im so tired of living like this i sleep at 2am and wake up at 4:30 in the morning and i drink so much caffine everyday just to stay awake and i still have to do good in my four ap classes because everyone said i took five last year why cant i handle it. i hate everything about my life and baout me right now. i have nothing going for me no prom date no boyfriend no one to love me or to love no college to look forward to i hate my body i hate my face i hate everything about me i hate how some underclassman look up to me and i hate being called slurs and a bop and a whore around school just because i like to dress and look a certain way i hate the steryotypes i get i hate everything i wish something genuinally terrible would happen to me i dont even have time to go see my thearpist and no one understands and i cant talk to anyone. there is no light at the end of the tunnel. im so tired.

Hey, guys. So, I've been grappling with a bit of a morally gray area lately, and I could really use some outside perspective. Is it bad to watch porn? I get that it's a touchy subject, and opinions on it vary greatly. Sometimes, I feel like everyone does it, but no one talks about it, almost like it's this secret secluded to the hidden corners of our lives. The alluring consumption of adult content is accessible as ever due to modern technology and the privacy it offers, yet the stigma surrounding it remains quite palpable. It leads one to wonder about its implications, both psychologically and ethically. I mean, sure, on the surface level, indulging in pornography feels like a harmless escapade, almost like ordering takeout instead of cooking. But is it nearly as innocent as it seems?

There's something undeniably magnetic about the immediate gratification it offers, and let's face it, the variety is vast. However, I can't help but feel that there's a darker underlying current. Does it adversely affect our perception of reality? Impacts cognition and behavior? Or maybe even our relationships with others? These questions keep swirling around in my head. The industry sure is a juggernaut, boasting millions of viewers but is it all coming at a hefty price? Does it heighten unrealistic expectations or foster an unhealthy cycle that one struggles to escape from? I know personally, it's hindered my capacity to connect meaningfully with partners at times. And the feeling of guilt lingers, a byproduct of wondering if I'm feeding into something more sinister. Are others feeling this duality of pleasure and guilt too, or is it just me? Ugh, it's complicated, isn't it? 🤔

she was more still is everything. we never did date but our friendship so close like we almost should or at least it was I was too scared I didn't tell anyone or her how I felt kept it to myself. My friend respect to go about it but I just told them I didn't. but I was the worst mistake I could have done. that could have been my chance to finally get her. My chance to live a life with her. she was perfect she's she's not like other girls she was different she got me and I got her her beautiful brown eyes, her smile her laugh her humor. everything was perfect about her. a few months passed by and she tells me she has a crush. It was one of my friends. probably one of the closest too. track season comes by I see them cuddling and sitting next to each other on the bus while I think that could have been us. and I had to go through that every single ride to a meet. during this time I just wished that I could go back and let her know how I felt and maybe I would have had a chance. may eventually become boyfriend and girlfriend and that's when I decided to try to get over her it was almost hardest thing the summer had passed by and they were still together. and obviously I was happy for her and him but deep down I wanted it to be me and her. again a few months pass by it was now December they had broken up. she told me the reason was that they would talk about their problems but he wouldn't do anything about it. so she gave up on him and broke up with him. present day ever since she broke up with him we've been talking a lot more often now but that was only because he didn't like when she talk to me. now that feeling I had before I was coming back that spark between us.

After my sister, Laura, and her two children were evicted from their home, they had no choice but to move in with my wife and me. Initially, we were more than willing to help, but Laura's dependency on us has become overwhelming. We've had to constantly set boundaries, reminding her that just because we provided shelter, it doesn’t mean we are available to babysit her kids at all times.

Laura has also struggled with jealousy towards my wife, especially when she notices us enjoying our lifestyle. She has made several uncomfortable remarks whenever my wife purchases something new for herself, making snide comments like, "That must be nice." Regardless of how many times we've addressed this behavior, she doesn't seem to understand how inappropriate she’s being.

Things reached a boiling point last night. My wife and I returned home late from a date night, and Laura was up waiting for us. She confronted us angrily for not bringing back anything for her and the kids, accusing us of flaunting our lifestyle. It was one in the morning; her children were asleep, and yet, she insisted that they were being neglected and that she deserved to be treated occasionally.

That was the last straw for my wife. She told Laura that she needed to find another place to live as soon as possible because she could no longer tolerate the toxicity she brought into our home. She even warned that if Laura didn’t leave within 30 days, she would seek legal assistance to ensure it happened. Laura seemed shocked, thinking I would defend her. Instead, I supported my wife, telling Laura that she had indeed made herself unwelcome with her actions and attitude.

Although Laura tried to make amends the following morning by preparing breakfast, my wife was not appease. She discarded the breakfast and reiterated that Laura had 29 days left. My wife even left to consult with a cousin who is a lawyer to start the legal process.

In front of her children, Laura tried to play the innocent victim, but it was clear they sensed the tension. She later attempted to apologize to me, but I felt it was too little, too late. My wife was already making arrangements to legally ensure Laura's departure.

Imagine if all of this drama were unfolding on a reality TV show. The audience would likely be split. Some might sympathize with Laura due to her difficult situation, while others could resonate with my wife and me, understanding our need to reclaim our peace at home. The dynamic between helping family and setting boundaries is a common theme that could captivate a lot of viewers, creating plenty of buzz and speculation on social media about who's right or wrong in such a complicated family matter.

Are we on the wrong side here?

Hey! I'm looking for some tips to learn dutch and maybe danish too. I've been facinated and utterly mesmerized by Brugge, Amsterdam and Brussels.

So, I think that my next goal is to save a lot of money and then come back in less than two years.

If it's something free it's more than great for me.

Bedankt!

I'm a 29-year-old woman and my boyfriend is 30. We've been in a relationship for four years, and I have two children from a previous relationship that he hasn't adopted. Recently, his good friend invited us along to a couples' retreat that was to last four days. The event promised to include couple’s massages, romantic dinners, and more. We were all set to leave today. Once he told me about it, I immediately began searching for a babysitter for my kids.

Despite my efforts, securing a babysitter proved impossible. Their biological father rarely takes them, and their grandmother prefers to showcase them on social media rather than genuinely spend quality time with them. Normally, my boyfriend would ask his mother or sister-in-law for help since they’re close by, but he didn't make any moves to do so this time. In a last-ditch attempt, I contacted them myself yesterday, but they were unavailable. I assumed since I couldn’t make it, he would also choose to stay behind.

However, to my surprise, I woke up at 5 am today to find him packing his bags. Confused, I inquired about his actions. He matter-of-factly replied, "Uh, packing? I need to leave by 7 am to meet George." I questioned why he was still planning to go on a couples retreat without his partner, and I pointed out that his lack of effort in finding a babysitter suggested he might not have wanted me to attend in the first place. His response was curt: “If you wanted to go, you should have found a sitter. I don’t have time for this.”

Upset, I watched him leave after he gave me a quick kiss on the forehead. About 15 minutes later, I received a text from him showcasing his luxurious suite decorated with flower petals, champagne, and even a heart-shaped bed. I responded with a simple, "Have a good time." He interpreted my message as hostile and replied accusing me of being clipped and unfairly blaming him for not finding a sitter. When I mentioned that a little assistance with the babysitting would have been appreciated, he called me an asshole and overdramatic.

In a hypothetical situation where these events unfolded on a reality TV show, the dynamics could potentially flare into an explosive situation. The cameras would magnify every emotional response, turning our private disagreement into a public spectacle. Viewers would likely be split; some may empathize with my plight while others might side with my boyfriend, arguing about responsibilities and commitments in blended families. The tension and drama would make for compelling television, but at the cost of personal pain aired for entertainment.

If you were me, dealing with this kind of partner response, what would your feelings be about this whole situation?

My anxiety is out of control because people and people I'm friendly with just suddenly don't turn up on schedule to the point I'm afraid I've done something wrong when I know I haven't done anything inheritably bad or said anything to harm them. I'm so lonely are try my best to make them but it's so much harder with anxiety.

a poem a wrote to my stepmum who abused me

Dear abuser,

How are you able to sleep at night?

After what you've done

All the anger and pain you've caused

The things you put me through

Dear abuser,

Are you happy now?

Breaking and bending teenagers spirt

Leaving wounds deeper than skin

Dear abuser,

How can you live with yourself?

Forcing teenagers to run away as their only other choice was death

Mentally and physically injuring them in the process

Dear abuser,

Does it feel good to get your way?

Is it everything you wanted?

Was it worth all the pain and suffering you caused?

Dear abuser,

I hope your happy now

I hope it was all worth it

The pain you put me through hasn't broken me

Dear abuser,

I know you will never get what you deserve

But this is my way of getting justice

I hope you read this one day

And realise its about you

Dear abuser,

I hate you.

Yours truly,

A survivor

I study international relations at university, and every day I feel like I'm not smart enough, I feel stupid. It's hard for me to read and understand the material, it's hard for me to learn English (and after all these years of studying it, I still don't fully understand how to use different tenses, etc.), it's hard for me to gain the knowledge that I will need in the future. I can't read and memorize material, I have some kind of concentration problem I don't know, and any noise distracts me. I read the material, but it doesn't stick in my head. I don't know how to write reports properly, I use artificial intelligence and hate myself for it, I want to stop, but I don't know how, I was never taught this, and I don't know how to learn to write them myself. I don't have time for anything. The last time I allowed myself to really relax was in the summer, almost two months ago, because since September I've been completely immersed in my studies. I spend all my time studying, and even so, I get minimal results. I have a group of friends, and for the second year (because I've been studying here for two years), I feel like the dumbest one in our group. I always get lower grades. They have more knowledge, and they study for free because they scored high on the national test, while I failed it, and now my mom has to pay for my education, and I feel guilty about it because I let her down, since she is the only one who earns money. Today we had to pass a document (we had to translate excerpts from the UNESCO Constitution from English into our native language and vice versa). I prepared for this as best I could, considering the amount of other homework I had. I tried very hard, and I was so exhausted that for the last few days I started crying over anything, especially because of fatigue. I thought that I would pass this test today and be able to relax with peace of mind over the weekend, finally letting go a little. But I failed. 7/10, although I really hoped that the teacher would give me an 8,( I don't think I translated that badly). What also upset me was that he said in front of my classmates that he wouldn't give me an 8 because, frankly, I did much worse than Vika (my classmate who doesn't like me very much and we are like rivals). I was so ashamed, I begged him, humiliated myself, asking to retake the exam, take another test and translate, anything, just for an 8. But he said to try my luck next week, on Thursday, with the other part of my group. I left so upset because this had already happened in my first year — I got a 7 and had to retake the exam (I could have stayed with that grade, but I have a perfectionist syndrome kinda, partly because of my family, so I also spent my time then in hysterics over that grade). Then I saw that my friend had written in our friends' chat that she had gotten a 9/10. That broke me. I'm happy for her, really, I just don't understand why I can't be the same. I don't understand why I couldn't get the same satisfactory grade, why I'm doing something wrong, why I'm never good enough, why I always come across as stupid. And I'm sick of how they (my friends) try to convince me otherwise. When they always get everything right. Never once did they needed to retake the exam. And then they tell me that the grade doesn't describe me. I would say the same thing if I had such knowledge, such grades. I don't want to talk to them now, I start crying when I go into the chat and read how great my friend feels now after the exam and how good she feels, how everyone congratulates her on her good grade, when I spent the day crying and thinking why I couldn't do the same. Did I not study enough? I don't get enough sleep because of my studies, I'm not hanging out with my friends (on the internet, we usually got together to watch a movie) because I'm busy studying all day long. And now I not only have to be ashamed next Thursday and retake the exam, but also do piles of homework. There is really a lot of it, every single day, and even several pieces, and now I can't take the burden of this document off my shoulders. I am very tired, in fact, I want to rest, I want to sleep well, I want to enjoy my life, but I can't. I no longer believe that I can achieve anything in life, that this is for me and that I will be successful, I no longer believe in anything. And I don't want anything. I pray to God every day that he would just take me while I'm sleeping, or even not necessarily while I'm sleeping. I just can't take it anymore, and I don't understand how others do it, how they manage. And now, even now, I can't relax, I'm doing my homework, and on the weekend I'll be doing work for the institute. And we don't have vacation until January. I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle this.

My personal love languages are quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch.

Yes, a person can have more than one love language. And technically, according to the 5 Love Languages... Food isn't one of them😂!

Food most likely is part of all of them other than words of affirmation... Unless one uses foods to describe their romantic partner🤔. Or uses food to convince their romantic partner via analogies in conversation🧐.

Most people I've meet are hard to interact with in terms of the words of affirmation😭. I've seen and heard a lot of the rest of the Love Languages being preferred. But society has a tendency to focus on actions more than words. But I personally feel very loved if someone actually talks to me. Both in-person and texting and calling. I don't need to take up their whole day, but I'd like to talk with someone... Anyone... Who doesn't feel overwhelmed by my talking style or texting style 😮‍💨. I genuinely don't think there's anyone out there who'd remember, comment, and enjoy reading 2 pages of texts🫠. But I enjoy words... I really enjoyed hearing ones poetic self. Even if it's not profound... If it's original and coming from the heart that's all that really matters to me. Plus honesty of course... Cause someone can create and original and one from the heart, but sometimes the heart isn't always in-tune with the mind. That may sound confusing... And it's around 1AM. So, I'm a bit tired. So ignore any parts that you don't understand... Cause I starting to not even understand what I'm saying either🥴.

By the way, where are the bestest places to make online friends or find online dating🫠. That's safe and valid😑. Cause I technically, at the moment, can't leave the house due to social anxiety... And other reasons... But I'd still like to make friends. Even if it's not romantic partners🙃.

I was diagnosed with Alpha-Gal Syndrome and it's ruining my life.

Google:

Alpha-gal syndrome (AGS) is a delayed-type allergic reaction to a sugar molecule called alpha-galactose (alpha-gal). It is primarily caused by the bite of the lone star tick (Amblyomma americanum).

Basically, with AGS, I can't have any mammal meat, or the byproducts. With AGS, you can develop an allergy to dairy and gluten as well. I'm dairy reactive as of 3 months ago. I thought it would be okay but it's not.

From the start.

Before I was diagnosed I noticed I was breaking out in hives, and they got bad. At one point I had to drive myself to the ER but my legs were so swollen they felt numb, it was terrifying. I had no idea why that was happening. I was eventually referred to an ENT Specialist to get tested for allergies. It was the standard allergy test and I needed bloodwork. Two weeks after the tests, I got the unfortunate news, I could no longer enjoy my favorite foods. I was devastated, depressed even. I was constantly in tears, barely eating, slowly slipping into depression. It took 3 months for me to finally accept that I could no longer have any mammalian meat or byproducts. At that point, I wasn't reactive to dairy or gluten, so it wasn't the worst. I was getting sick of eating chicken for every meal. I tried to cut meat completely but that just made me sick, and extremely weak.

With the help of my amazing fiancé, I started to get better mentally. I finally took back my life, I started working out, eating healthy balanced meals, it was amazing, until it wasn't. A few months before my 1 year check up for AGS, I started to just constantly be in pain again. It wasn't hives, it was the most painful stomach aches, mostly in my lower abdomen. I was freaking out, I didn't know what to do or why it was happening. Cut to my one year check in, I tell the Doc what I was feeling and all of my symptoms, then she gives me even more bad news: no more dairy.

It's been two months since dairy got cut from my diet and I'm struggling so much. People around me, at work, in class, even my own family, all keep calling me dramatic and tell me to suck it up. I CAN NOT JUST GET OVER SOMETHING LIKE THIS!! I went my ENTIRE life with no allergies, never been allergic to ANYTHING until now. I'm losing so much weight that I can't keep up with. I can feel myself slipping slowly. I've been in so much pain since not being able to have dairy, it's like my body is rejecting this diet. I have another appointment coming up soon, and I just have this feeling that Doc is gonna cut gluten out of my diet too. If that gets cut, I'll literally starve. Everything now tastes bland, no matter how much I season it. I try new recipes, my fiancé tries recipes and I just want to puke after eating anything because of how bad it tastes. I can't stay positive over this anymore. I'm sad and I'm sick of people telling me to get over it because I can't.

Okay, so this is super embarrassing, but I really need to get it off my chest. There’s this guy I’ve been crushing on for literally forever, and now I can’t stop thinking about him even though I know nothing is ever going to happen. Like, how do you even get over someone you never dated? It feels so dumb, but it hurts just as bad as if we’d broken up or something.

We met at this summer job last year, and at first, it was just small talk. But then, I don’t know, he’d always smile at me or laugh at my jokes, and I thought maybe he liked me back? I started imagining us hanging out, going on dates, all that cute couple stuff. Except none of it ever actually happened. He was super friendly to everyone, and I guess I wasn’t really special to him, even though he felt so special to me.

I didn’t even realize how deep I’d fallen until I saw him post a picture with another girl on his Instagram last week. It wasn’t even a super romantic picture or anything, but she was tagging him in all her stories, and they looked so happy together. My stomach legit dropped when I saw it. That’s when it hit me: he’s never going to see me that way. He probably never did.

So now, here I am, feeling like an idiot. It’s not like I can call it a breakup or cry to my friends about how “we” didn’t work out. There wasn’t a “we” to begin with. But it still hurts, you know? Like, why am I this upset over someone who probably never thought twice about me?

I keep replaying all the times we talked, trying to figure out if I just read the signals wrong or if I was just imagining the whole thing. Maybe I got carried away because I wanted it to be true so bad. And now, I feel so stupid because he’s out there living his life, completely unaware of how much space he’s been taking up in my head.

I tried all the “tips” people give for getting over someone. I deleted his number, unfollowed him on social media, and started distracting myself with other stuff like school and hanging out with friends. But no matter what I do, he’s still there, popping into my head at the most random times. Like, I’ll hear a song or see something that reminds me of him, and it’s like I’m back to square one.

What’s worse is that I feel so alone in this. Everyone else is dealing with real breakups, real relationships, and here I am, crying over a guy who doesn’t even know I feel this way. If this was a reality show, I bet people would just laugh at me. They’d be like, “Why is she making such a big deal over nothing?” And honestly? I’m kind of laughing at myself too.

But it doesn’t change how I feel. If anyone else has gone through this, like crushing on someone so hard and realizing it’s never going to happen, how did you get over it? Because right now, it feels impossible. I just want to stop caring so much about someone who was never really mine.

Despite people telling me I'm pretty and intelligent, no one has ever been interested in me romantically. They always want me out of interest or for my body. I'm 19, and I'm starting to think that there's something wrong with me as time goes by.

It's true that, since I'm studying at uni, I don't have much time to focus on looking for a relationship, but even so, I think it's quite strange that no one has shown even a bit of interest in getting to know me as a person, rather than just using me. Furthermore, seeing that all my friends have had at least one relationship makes me feel even more "isolated."

I would like to know if this is a normal feeling and how I can improve my situation. Thank you so much.

I feel whenever someone in a movie grows up, they always leave their parents to be independent, and most of the time, they leave their old parents in senior homes because they hate them for being senile. I may not be an adult nor is my mother senile, but she's sure as hell probably a liar! Mom only did this because she noticed I was lonely in and out of school. You know what she could've done to make me for tougher? She shouldn't have been my friend, she should've left me there in my own thoughts so I can finally be independent. It's how dad survived school! He failed, he learnt it the hard way, and he's fine! She should fuck herself for even thinking that! Nobody's friends with their moms, they all hate their moms! It's what movies say. Plus, mom may not smother me with love by hugging and kissing me a lot, she may not over-compliment me, nor would she come to school with me, but she will soon. She will soon! Movies say it'll happen! Her listening more to me because I'm alone with no friends? Please, she should match my kind of honesty, she should tell me how friendless I am and how stupid I am for even caring about them, like every good parent on movies. Isn't it how military men get sturdier? I should've sent her the message, "Moomy, stop calling yourself my friend. It embarrasses me and I need you to be my parent, not my buddy. I’m not negotiating this. Respect the boundary. For you to be my parent, keep distance from me, like dad. Dad doesn’t see me as powerful, so you shouldn’t feel the same way either." What I said is normal. Movies say it, people online say it, successful people say it, they leave their family behind. It's all normal. Plus, it'll benefit me a lot. I heard it will! It'll make me more independent and brave! Everyone leave their parents, right? f I tell her she's horrid, simply because the movies say so, I'll be fine, according to the movies! Who has their mom as their best friend? Only toddlers do! Nowadays I see all girls my age go on their own out to malls with their friends. Meanwhile I hang out with my family like an idiot and I'm usually with my brother and mom! What if one of my classmates see me while they hang out with their friends in some mall in the future, because I lack friends? They'll think I'm weird, right? I should be independent, not parent-relied! I should be asking them for money so I can buy things on my own, not with mom and my brother! They said friends are good to have. So, if that's the case, the longer I'm alone and with mom, I'll be depressed, get a heart attack and die! Meanwhile all my classmates have groups and so does my grade, I'm one of the odd ones out with no one! And guess what, I'll die at 30 for that reason, again, like movies! All movies from 2000s show that when you hit 30 and still haven't achieved the list of being pretty, not fat (I'm 5'4", so I should REMAIN 45kg, from 13-30), you aren't dating anyone and you don't have friends, and you work in a lame job like engineering, you're gonna either die of depression or die from obesity from being 56kg! That's fat! Point is, mom's a fucking liar. I know she's been in many hardships, her parents divorced, financial issues, she couldn't have her dream job of being a doctor (she's an engineer now), yet she's never vented, because she's always been positive? That's some anime BS where the main guy says that! BS! I'm not digging a hole, am I? I'm telling the truth. Cynicism and hopelessness works because I'm not chasing fake happiness, I'm seeking the real truth. Again, it's embarrassing I'm having a "friendship" with my Moomy and not another person from class! Who even does that now? I don't even know anyone online! She's lying! My mom, being the idiotic bitch she is, even said, "You can be happy, without friends! Look at me!" You married dad, wasn't he your friend earlier?! He may have been in one of the longest situation-ships I've ever seen (seriously, they lived in different countries for a while before meeting more and finally agreeing somehow to fall in love and they somehow didn't break up after 16 years). She may not have office-friends that she meets all the time, but she sometimes chats with them. Fuck that ugly bitch of a woman. She's a lying whore! Always lies about life! Guess what, good thing I have plans to get myself an arranged marriage at 20, it's more stable. I even hate it when people say "Hatred kills the owner, not the person the owner hates". Again, that's nonsense! I can use my anger and channel it into a life plan. When I turn 20, I'll ask my parents to arrange a marriage with some random guy, then I can do plastic surgery to look cuter, I will do brain surgery to stop having that gut feeling of thinking mom's trying really hard and I love her, because logic ALWAYS outweighs emotion, and me and my husband will take photos of us only happy together and post it on Instagram to look cute and cuddly! Doesn't every child torch the bond with their parents? Don't they all leave their old parents to die alone in an old shelter because they hate taking care of them. They're normal. Right? So, for me to set boundaries, I have to leave her behind and hate her forever. That's maturity and independence, right? I heard doing all those things are good for the child, hating and leaving your parent, because you learn to be independent and amazing. My brain telling me, "This is the same feeling girls get over their exes, it'll be fine, sugar. Stop loving your mom, she's clearly not for you. In fact, hate her." Like it's an old lady with a Jersey accent. Even if my heart deep down feels like this is more accurate and that she loves me, and she tries very hard to be a good lady and she has helped sometimes, my brain tells me it's false and a farce. Maybe my brain is correct. Isn't everyone's brain the most logical organ? Why should I care if my heart cries whenever I deny that she's trying really hard and she makes me happy because she's my mom who listens and says it's at least a good idea to tell her, because she didn't beat me or treat me worse afterwards? Who cares? My brain should be the leader. Why does my heart keep telling me mom is a great lady instead? Why does it say, "You're sounding so mean, she actually loves you so much. Please, she also tries, and you actually enjoy being with her." My brain should be the one to tell me the truth. My heart's a liar and a cheat. Even if I do something I love because my heart asks for it, and even speak to mom, I should only listen to my head. Just why? Why is my other part telling me that? To care for Moomy, because in the end, she'll never leave you like a toy on the road. It's all fucking crazy! She's a liar and my love for her needs to be removed!

I don’t even know where to begin with this. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost three years, and lately, I’ve started to question everything. At first, he was so charming—he could make anyone laugh, had this way of making me feel like I was the only person in the world. But over time, things started changing, and now I wonder if he’s actually... well, a narcissist.

It’s like he’s got two sides. One moment he’s telling me how much he loves me, and the next, he’s criticizing everything I do, from the way I cook to the people I hang out with. He never seems to take any responsibility for things that go wrong. If we argue, it’s somehow always my fault, and if I try to stand up for myself, he twists things around until I’m the one apologizing. I used to think it was just his way of dealing with stress, but it’s been years now, and nothing seems to change.

A few months ago, I tried to talk to him about how I was feeling. I told him I felt like he only cared about his own needs and didn’t see me as an equal partner. I thought maybe this would be a wake-up call for him, but he just laughed it off, saying I was overreacting and too “emotional.” Since then, things have only gotten worse. It’s like he’s always testing me, seeing how much he can get away with.

I’ve started to read about narcissism, and the signs are all there—the lack of empathy, the need for control, the manipulations. It hurts to think about him like that, but it also feels like the truth I’ve been avoiding. I’m at a point where I don’t know if he can ever change. I’ve read stories online about narcissists changing, but they all seem too good to be true. Can a narcissist really change? Or am I just hoping for something that will never happen?

Sometimes, I feel like I’m stuck in a never-ending episode of a reality show, where everyone’s watching this trainwreck unfold and wondering why I’m still here. If this was really a reality show, I wonder what people would think of me. Would they understand, or would they just think I’m foolish for hoping he’ll be different?