Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I keep talking to a friend I could trust on Discord after a grooming incident, and then I see so many notable members of the community I tried to be successful in finally get all the roles, but I’m left in the dust thanks to a groomer.

Which got me thinking

That groomer HAD a game that thankfully didn’t reach popularity but the fact that it got any sort of following is baffling to me.

Which got me thinking

I tried to be successful for 3 years, always failing thanks to some asshole. How are they still big and popular, especially with how they indirectly but still blatantly led me to the groomer because I needed help with art, and I tried replacing each person that betrayed me because I was desperate?

It’s called cheating. Everyone has the rights to share their creations to the world. Hard effort doesn’t matter as long as it comes from the heart and as long as people give others their time to shine. People that harassed me might have heart (may be a black one but my point still stands), but the latter? They did not help me at all. Begging for free art is bad, but NOBODY told me it was unacceptable kindly. They passed it off as “oh you’ll get them next time” or “I don’t talk to [slur]s like you.” I wanted help after a community dumped me previously. I since then apologized for any behavior, but the scars still remained, and now they’ve reopened after the grooming incident. Funnily enough, the groomer is STILL in that site and is even friends with an admin.

Cheating should get you NOWHERE in life. How did they cheat? They took advantage of a rookie artist with a young soul. Most people did poor jobs explaining how art truly works and instead dumped me by a single mistake, leading me to find someone, until I found my then best friend and turned out to be a manipulating asshole. I’m still left in the dust with no niche and forced to start over while these so-called “veterans” got a following through cheating and manipulation. Their art might rock and they might have a good sense of humor, but they’re not worth it if their heart is so locked up and sadistic.

Even though one person is already pending consequences, I really, really want to cancel them so hard they’d feel depressed for their sorry ass life of touching children instead of grass and leave the internet forever. I can’t say the name however since “it might ruin research” but that shithead really deserves it, and I want zero trace of them ANYWHERE. As for the people who had led me to them, I want the same punishment as that groomer. Directly or not, they were still taking advantage of me and leading me to the groomer. However, I do think the groomer deserves more than just a life sentence for even talking to me at my lowest.

Another thing is Discord. I've been doing a decent job handling my schedule on Discord, keeping it around three hours, and it feels good to finally have a friend I can talk to every day, but I'm also worried about something. Is it really Discord's fault?

How do I go about all of this while still keeping the research? Are the people that indirectly led me to the groomer also at legal fault due to immorality? Am I supposed to use Discord to attempt to get friends and keep sharing my art with them if research is still ongoing? Is revenge like this really justified considering it was prolonged? My parents want to sue Discord for failing to keep me safe, but I believe friends are more important than being a millionaire. What do I do?

ok so like i don’t wanna sound mean or ungrateful or whatever, but my boyfriend is sooo clingy and i honestly don’t kno what to do about it anymore. like at first i thought it was cute, you kno? he’d always text me good morning and good night, always want to talk and tell me how much he likes me and stuff. and yeah, that felt nice at the beginning, cuz i never really had someone like pay that much attention to me before. but now it’s like... too much. like way too much. he wants to talk all the time, like literally 24/7. if i don’t answer his text in like 10 mins he starts asking if i’m mad or if something’s wrong or if i’m "losing feelings" 😩. like no dude, i was just doing homework or eating dinner with my fam, calm down!! i can’t even breathe without him needing some kind of reassurance, and it’s starting to really bug me.

it’s not just the texting either. he always wants to be with me at school too, like during lunch or between classes and even when i’m just tryna hang out with my other friends, he’s there. always right there. and i feel bad saying this but like... sometimes i just wanna chill with my girls without him clinged to me like glue 😭. one time i told him i needed a lil space to just hang with my friends and he got all quiet and moody for the rest of the day, like i did something wrong. like i’m not even allowed to have time without him or something. it’s starting to feel like i’m in this relationship with a puppy who cries the second you leave the room. i know that sounds harsh but fr that’s how it feels sometimes. nd the more i try to pull back a little, the more he pushes in closer.

what really gets me is that i don’t even think he means to be like this. like i know he likes me a lot, and that’s sweet and all, but it’s like he doesn’t understand that people need space too. like, being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to be glued together 24 hours a day. i wanna miss him sometimes. i wanna have space to think, to breathe, to still be my own person. but every time i try to explain that to him, he acts like i’m breaking up with him or something. and i’m not! i don’t even want to break up. i just want him to chill out a bit. it’s just getting so hard to enjoy anything when i feel like i’m constantly babysitting his feelings. like, i can’t even say “i’m busy” without a whole dramatic convo about whether or not i still care about him. bro, it’s not that deep, i just got math homework 😭.

i really don’t know what to do at this point. i don’t wanna hurt him cuz he’s honestly such a sweet guy and i know he means well, but this clingy stuff is really driving me nuts. i feel like if i keep letting it slide, i’m gonna start really resentin him, and that’s not fair to either of us. but if i bring it up again, i’m scared he’s just gonna shut down like always and make me feel bad again. i’m only 16 and already feel like i’m stuck in this adult relationship with all this pressure, when it’s supposed to be fun and cute, right? i just wish he could trust that i care about him even if we don’t talk 24/7. idk maybe i’m the bad one here for wanting space, maybe i’m just not ready for this kinda thing. but i really hope he can back off a little without it turning into some huge thing, cuz if not… i’m not sure how much longer i can keep doing this.

i'm unsure if anyone remembers me, but I was the dude who made those two posts a few monthhs ago. Just wanna do an update, she loved the flowers and was thankful for it since it was also her birthday just a few days after the closing day. Unfortunately, we had to part ways after that and now I'm a senior who's currently still moving on from her lol. And yes I did get rejected but in the upmost polite way possible, she was really sweet about it so it didnt sting much.

But now I'm back to square zero - I still see the same people in my classes, except herself and sometimes I just think about her but not in a too intense way of course. I'm also going to focus on my studies and more stuff in my school year and probably will stay out of falling in-love, kudos to the people who shared their views about my last two posts. Ik some were tough to read but it is very much valid and fair so yesyesyes I'm very sorry if my spelling and grammar is kinda mixed up right now, got really busy and haven't been focusing on literacy much but now I'm back and might do updates about what stuff is happening at this school year now. Anyway, I hope she's living her life and taking care of herself. Hope she meets the right person for her, and for the people reading this. I know it's long but thanks for sparing your time reading, hope you all have a great week. Take care ☺

I think I got my best Karen in my career... I let you see :)

It was nearing the end of my shift, and I was the sole staff member left, effectively making me the interim supervisor for the evening. Just as we were preparing to close down, a woman burst into the store, visibly livid over our lack of decaffeinated coffee options. Despite explaining that I was the acting manager, and that our coffee machines were already cleaned and shut down for the day as it was only five minutes until closing time, she remained unfazed. I suggested another café just around the corner, but this only fueled her anger further.

She lost her temper, threatening to "find a real manager and have my lazy self fired," before hurling a half-full cup of sloppy cappuccino residue at me. Her rage didn’t stop there as it looked like she was about to vault the counter in a fit of fury. Underneath the counter, my hand gripped a hammer, thinking to myself, "Please don't make me use this."

In a desperate bid to de-escalate the situation, I grabbed the phone, pretending I was about to call the police. This seemed to work as she stormed out. I quickly locked the door behind her for safety. Shockingly, minutes later, she returned, charging towards the door and smacked straight into the glass like a confused bird hitting a window.

If this episode were filmed for a reality show, imagine the dramatic music and slow-motion replay of the customer hitting the door, followed by a confessional scene where I’d express my astonishment and frustration over the night’s chaos. The viewers would probably be split—half sympathizing with me having to deal with such a wild situation alone, and the others howling with laughter at the surreal slapstick of the moment.

This kind of intense personal encounter really makes you reconsider the unpredictable nature of working in customer service. You never expect your night to turn into an impromptu action movie scene!

You know when you love someone, but you really, really despise everything they are and their whole person, and their opinions and the way do and approach things. And your stomach twists in rage and hate and disgust when they're around? And you can't actually be Happy or love them quite right because you know you feel much differently inside? Better yet, you know when parents want their children to Learn how to swim and they just throw them in the water and Hope for the best? Yeah. That's what she does with everything. Not with me, cause i was a down right horrible child that was digusting and full hate. She didn't need to give any more. But she uses that approach with everything even important things. She throws them there. Makes important decisions and promises on a whim and hopes for the best. Except she never actually puts effort into anything. And past a certain point she gets tired and novelty of her new obssession dies out and She Just leaves It to rot. And most of the time It doesn't work. Things break and go to sh*t. And then she burst into rage and quits. Typical. It's funny cause She insists onto saying and presenting herself like the most important blessing that ever came on Earth. Which yeah. In a sense. Sure. She always starts with good intentions. And she has some solid values which i really admire. And she loves. A lot. But It's very hard to get her interest. And if she isn't interessed she ignores everything and concentrates on her newest obssession leaving everything to rot. She insists that I know nothing. And that i'm Just a scaredy cat and i exagerate. But she spent most of my Life yelling and shouting and shamming things and threathing to hurt me or destroy things I care about. And all those Animals she says she saved and loves? They flinch at every sound and movement and Hide and run away whenever they can tell she's mad. And i think that says more about her than it does of a misbehaving puppy. Maybe It's subjetive. But i honestly don't think that's love. Love and family shouldn't be built on fear and intimidation and d*ath threats. That is just picking the lesser evil to continue to survive. Recently she's been talking more about her family and i realize more and more how she Is and Why. And she's right they are worse. And their love for her was conditional. And she still loved them and still holds most of them in High regard. And that's another thing i hate about her. She so full of love. Even though she's clearly bitter about what they have done. But She lets that bottle up and takes out on others that in her regard are "under her". She's so full of love that rotted and turned into rage. And that Is something i will never forgive her for. I love her so much and i admire her a lot and i'm so sorry for cause she didn't deserve anything that happened to her. But love rots and turns into this horrible ugly thing that she passed down to me. And i hate her for It. I hate for everything. I hate her never putting effort into anything. I hate her for never listening. I hate her for always taking decisions for me. I hate her for being so superficial and fickle. I hate her for spontanuos and loving but also so full of rage and scary. And i hate her even more, because all those horrible things are exactly how she describes me. I hate that we're so alike in things in the worst ways possible. And i hate that we're so different that we Clash on everything. And can't have genuine things in common. And i hate her because I know she hates me too for those exact reasons. Though. To be honest i Guess this says as much about her than It does about me, since i'm all of this i'm saying out of hatred for her. And out of the bitter and sharp painfull feeling right next to the admiration I have for her. I am like her and much worse after all, all that hate in the pit of my stomach Is simmering and It's making more and more horrible by the day. She says i'm like them. Like him. But i've never actually known them and known what they're like so i can't be sure. What i am sure of though? I won't take responsibility and guilt for decisions she made and consequences she causes. I've already had horrible spirals and thoughts because of her, i have enough guilt to manage on my own . I've been trying to improve for years now and i think that starts with shutting her yelling out.

My husband cheated with his ex wife before we got married. I found out about a month before the wedding. I went ahead with the marriage because I was blindly in love. They have to talk all the time because they have a young child. I'm ok most of the time but when I have to be around his ex at sports, birthday parties, ect. It weighs on my mind. I start to scrutinize their every interaction.Last week, I was at their daughter's ball game and when she got a runner out, he looked toward his ex to share that moment with her. I've decided to quit going to going to games and this has made him mad. I also compare myself to her. She's taller, thinner, and younger. They have a friendly relationship and it eats me up. He says it's just for their daughters sake. His daughter is 8 and still sucks her thumb. We argue about this too. I want her to stop but it g do odd t bother him. I said it was embarrassing to be with her in public. He says I have mental problems and I'm being immature. What are your thoughts and or suggestions.

Ok so just now i found out that my sister has been self harming with blades and cutting herself not on the veins but on her hand where she won't bleed out to death and i was really shocked because i knew about it before and i didn't take it as serious because she was going through breakup and all and i didn't knew that she was continuously harming herself and i teared up because she is only 15 she shouldn't hae to go through this. Now i am the only one who knows and it hurts so bad i am crying rn literally as i write this . I don't know i asked her why would she do this she said 'my dad won't talk to me properly' and somr thing the thing is if i tell anyone else idk how they will react and talk about trusted adults there are none they would either scold her or do something to her only. I seriously don't know what to do and i cannot tell this to anyone i just told her if she wants to self harm next time pls call me so that i can prevent it . It is really messed up , our family does not believe in therapy and if i tell any adult they would just judge her and say mean things something like that .

Office politics haven't been easy. For quite some time now, everyone has been trying to tear my boss's team apart, by any means necessary, because his main departments, which he coordinated, have become a disaster, and that doesn't reflect well on him at all. He sought to keep those under his command subservient, by any means necessary, and even though he tried to hide it, they reacted aggressively to the slightest incident, trying to expose his hidden agenda. I distanced myself from him, precisely to his advantage. It wasn't easy, but it was possible. It was a gradual process, because one thing these kinds of cornered groups can't tolerate is arbitrariness. It's only when they're organizing their ideas that details get lost, precisely because of the pressure to maintain order. Order has to be re-established. My boss was someone who was terrified of being arbitrary, but he relied on the fact that everyone wanted him to be okay, that no one would support him. He relied on the prejudices surrounding drastic taxation and excessive reorganization, but I saw right through it and used it against him. When he believed he was in control, he ended up in a situation where there would be no rest. The group reached a point where they sought support from me, since it was out of their hands, and they couldn't get it at all. Instead, they kept falling apart, until they thought they couldn't fall any further, precisely because I wasn't doing anything. At that moment, I made my move: to denounce them and catch them off guard, so that the final rest they expected would only be a continuation of the problem. That they had interfered between my friend and me was something I wouldn't tolerate, and I wasn't going to let them forget it with a simple order lacking any bureaucratic backing. Instead, I was going to persist and persist until they saw their lives at risk. Problems would start piling up for him, because there were people waiting for something like this to happen, for it to get out of hand, so they could take advantage of the situation. He'd be out of position, unable to do anything else, unprepared, because now, the threat comes from the most unexpected places, and he can't be aware of everything. Acting hastily only condemned him further, paralyzed him—What a way of speaking! It's not contextual, just indicative, highlighting morphologies, and I don't like it; it feels out of character for me.

My friend was constantly confronting it, but she was always at the mercy of those loopholes too. There were things she was letting slide that would later explode in her face. But what gave me peace was that her spirit was innocent; she didn't perform complex maneuvers to protect herself, she was simply careless and didn't seek absolute protection from it, or expect it to be tolerated. So, in effect, we were talking about someone who acted humanly, erratically, just like me, who also fell into those traps, and who certainly rebelled when they took advantage of her, just like me. Like me, she felt like she was in the office, but her specific place there was only because of her boss's words, out of place, without it being the concrete issue. Right there we began to empathize, because like me, she felt like she didn't fit into an order, precisely because there weren't those clear job definitions. It was something that bothered her about her boss. She and I were practically the same, except she made her carelessness transparent, while I made a living by hiding it, of course, at the cost of doing other things outside the office that allowed me to stay grounded in my own world, to cultivate it. She, on the other hand, couldn't do that, because her life revolved around socializing, finding refuge in that. We were different, but at some point, we converged. My boss tried to silence the situation with her, to prevent it from continuing in the office under any circumstances, by protecting me first, then protecting his position, and then protecting her—in other words, a search for any kind of cover to protect him, always being careful about anything that could cause the situation to spiral out of control, anything that could change. He was only thinking about what was causing a stir and trying to stop it, but when he focused on her, he couldn't, because I had just made it clear that all his previous attempts were nothing more than control strategies, resulting in an impediment to socializing in the workplace. He was caught between a rock and a hard place, with me out of his control and him in his sights, radically, and that's something I sought to demonstrate. He tried to get out of it through my empathy, but he didn't succeed; he was living off what he thought I was doing, yet in the previous situation, he was living off the very thing that eradicated his ability to control me.

I have to admit that my boss wasn't as clever as I expected. He only lived by imposing rules, then focusing on his own affairs, which wasn't systematic. He always pretended his impositions wouldn't be challenged, but that's the problem. The point was to leave him without support, at the mercy of the arbitrariness inherent in our relationship. With just one such element, he was bound to shift his focus to strengthening his control. I really like how I'm speaking; talking in terms of "it" or "you" isn't pleasant because I don't see the conditions, but it can give me an idea of ​​what the journey is like in the same environment and what can be said to happen there, despite the conditions. That is, perhaps something generic that allows me to visualize other situations, but I don't think so. My friend and I exacerbated the arbitrary nature of his behavior, and it reached a point where he began to lash out at everyone around him. He no longer cared about appearances at all; he simply wanted control of the situation. He couldn't handle anything he couldn't control, anything unpredictable, because he couldn't find his footing, he was always off balance. It got to the point where he no longer knew what he was doing; instead, his own inertia of control, his dislike for her, his belief that she was a wretch, made her his enemy. He made himself his own enemy.

After I reported him for using me as he pleased in the office and behind everyone else's back, completely disregarding her, it became clear that they were acting as an isolated group pursuing their own ends, making his supposed devotion nothing more than a sad facade. Everyone knew it, but the point was to speak out at a moment when they couldn't deny it. He simply let himself be carried away, trying to resolve everything he could, but everything was already out of control. Gossip was spreading, and he didn't know where the next blow would come from. The tragedy is that the blow didn't come from where he expected, from a place connected to him, but rather from a natural disaster in my country. I think he never imagined that even nature would join in, supporting him and all the prayers he prayed to God for. Under this understanding, then, the very people he trusted most, those who had been supporting him because of their loyalty to his escape and his mistreatment, had radically abandoned him, despotically and cruelly, without any feeling, and without offering any explanation. It was me, "God," his dependencies, the rest of the staff, and then his secretary joined in. Indeed, at this point, the subject has understood that nothing about his behavior is acceptable and that continuing the situation would be tantamount to placing himself at the mercy of life's whims and its repercussions—I never thought I'd reach such a conclusion.

This whole situation also stems from my interaction with a girl; she had no respect for my personal space. She was pretty, but she took advantage of that to touch me while I was in my own world. It seemed as if she was afraid of me, because of the stress I was under while writing, and she was trying to calm me down.

Six months. That's all it took for me to go from "I can't wait to start my career!" to "I don't want to go to work!!!" How did it come to this, you ask? Let's roll back time. At 23, fresh out of college, I was thrilled to start my first job. An office job, no less. The dream, right? Suited up, coffee in hand, feeling all grown-up. But hey, spoiler alert! Turns out, cubicles and fluorescent lights aren't the vibe I thought they'd be.

Day in, day out, the same routine. Wake up. Hustle to the office. Sit. Type. Sip coffee (repeat). Breathe stale air until I'm out the door again. But doesn't it make you wonder? How does anyone find joy stuck inside four walls, going through the motions like robots? Maybe you're one of those rare ones who absolutely love it. If so, hats off! But for me, it's draining—absolutely draining. I used to think anyone opposing the traditional office environment was just being dramatic. Now, I've joined their ranks. Surprising, huh?

To be clearer, the work itself isn't atrocious. It's the setting! The lack of fresh air, the monotonous view, the awkward water-cooler conversations about yesterday's game that frankly, I couldn't care less about. It's like being in a scene from "The Office" without the fun crew. Do you know that feeling when you're stuck in traffic, bumper to bumper, just wishing to teleport somewhere else? That's how office life feels to me. Every. Single. Day. Surely, there's more to life than this monotonous routine, right?

I'm starting to consider alternatives. Can I pivot my skills to something more dynamic? Perhaps a job that gets me outside, working with my hands or interacting with people in a more lively environment? Maybe I'll try my hand at being my own boss. People keep saying it's the age of the entrepreneur! And while the thought of veering off the beaten path is terrifying, it's also kind of thrilling. After all, didn't someone famous once say, "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone"?

I’m trying to stay optimistic, reminding myself that it's all a stepping stone, even the dreaded office stint. It has its perks, sure. And I still hold the hope that soon enough, I'll wake up, excited for the day instead of dragging my feet. So, to anyone who feels the same—I see you, I'm with you, and let's figure this out! Because who said we had to settle for mundane when the world offers a splash of vibrant chaos? Let's trade those office shoes for something more adventurous and make the daily grind a bit less... well, grim.

So it's summer and the past few school year i have been really burnt out. I got very little sleep, I could barely get out bed i was often overwhelmed and stressed out and i didn't know what to do. There are so many things I want to do this summer with the base line of wanting to improve myself and get out of burnt out. But i didn't really know how to do that. Still don't tbh. So i tried to put some good habits in my routine (waking up naturaly, no screens untill after breakfast, going to bed at around 23 or so, having breakfast outside. And in the last few days i tried to slowly add a few more like reaching my step count and reading just a few pages before bed. And a i tried 'studying' the pages i've read (highlighting and making notes mostly) just cause, no real big reason just cause i found It interessing and i wanted to. And to be fair, It felt good. I felt really good. But today, i didn't do anything in particular. And i woke up at 5 am feeling restless and anxious and like i couldn't breathe. It's currently June the 24th, 6 am, i can't sleep anymore, i feel like i can't breathe tight, everything feels upsetting and too much even going back to sleep Is too hard, but i don't know what to do about It. It just feels so horrible because I felt like this, this tired, this stuck, this horrible and anxious for years now. During and outside school time. And i was getting excited because I thought that It was finally over that this was finally It and that I was finally making progress but i am not. I'm still waking up like this and crying in the middle of the night and i this feel just as bad and i Just feel so stupid because i don't know what Is wrong with me.

man, i swear, i cant do this anymore, i feel like im just existing and nothing matters, like no matter what i do, its just the same thing every day, wake up, feel like shit, go to work, pretend im fine, come home, sit in my room overthinking everything, then go to sleep just to do it all over again, like what is even the point, im so tired, like not just sleepy tired but that deep inside tired that dont go away no matter how much i rest, i feel empty, i feel like nobody even notices me, like i could just stop talking and no one would even care, maybe they’d be relieved, maybe im just annoying, maybe im the problem, i try to tell myself its just a bad phase, that ill get over it, but i been saying that for so long now and nothing ever changes, people say "just talk to someone" but what do i even say?? hey, im miserable and i hate my life and i wish everything was different but its not and i have no idea how to fix it?? yeah, sure, that sounds real normal, theyll just tell me to "stay positive" or "it gets better" but how do they know that it gets better when every day just feels worse, i feel like im stuck, like im trapped in this life i dont even wanna live, and i dont see a way out, i see people happy and i wonder how they do it, how they wake up and actually look forward to things, bc for me there is nothing, i dont have friends, i dont have family that cares, i dont have a future that looks anything but miserable, and no matter how much i try to pretend like im okay, im not, and i havent been for a long time, i feel like a failure, like everything i touch falls apart, like no matter how hard i try i always end up back at zero, people say im young and i have time, but what does that even mean?? time for what, more of this, more feeling like i dont belong, more pretending like im fine when im screaming inside, im so exhausted, and i just want it to stop, i dont even know what that means anymore, all i know is i cant take it anymore, i keep thinking maybe something will change, maybe ill wake up one day and things will feel different, but they never do, and im scared they never will, bc honestly, i dont know how much longer i can keep doing this, its like my body keeps going but my mind checked out a long time ago, nothing makes me happy, nothing excites me, i see people making plans for their future and i dont even know if i want a future, bc what if its just more of this, more feeling alone, more failure, more emptiness, i try to distract myself, i try to push it down, but it always comes back, the feeling that im not meant to be here, that maybe i was never supposed to be here, that maybe im just wasting space, and i know, i know, people say "you matter" but do i really?? bc it dont feel like it, and i just dont know what to do anymore.

Heyah!! I haven't checked into this app for ages. But I was super-duper curious if anyone could help me find out if the singer from the TV show Lookism sings anything else other than "Fly Up"? I've found the dudes name, but when I look him up to see if he sings anything else... ZERO results😭!!! The only thing that shows up under the man's name is "Fly Up". But the singer had/has such a beautiful voice🥹🙏🏻✨!!! It always makes me cry during October season(my mom passed away in October). The MC cared about his mom after realizing that he didn't treat her all that great and blamed her for his appearance🥲. Then singing the song and realizing that she genuinely loved him.

Anyway... Back on the topic... Help🙇🏻‍♀️✨? Song, songs, songs. I wanna hear all the song if someone has the answer🤩🎶!?

Anyway... Good morning and goodnight💤! And happy 2026!!!

“supposed to be an adult, but fuck it, i need a minute” — tate mcrae, revolving door

if there’s one think i’ve learned from being a synthographer (or ai artist, as many would call it) for 4 years and counting, it’s to ignore the mean comments that people throw at me. but honestly, it feels like i’m not learning my lessons here. especially the case of sora 2.

seriously, when sora 2 came out, i feel so ecstatic about it. anime now actually looks like anime. videos feel more lifelike. some people even share japanese commercials on youtube. it’s amazing honestly.

problem is, i can’t go to youtube or reddit or pretty much any social media without someone ranting about how sora 2 videos are soulless slops that shouldn’t have existed in the first place. i’m so sick and tired of it, especially that i have to summarize it because why bother going thru it when all they’re saying is toxic and abhorrent?

i can’t even open the comments too for the same reasons. i can’t bear all the words and topics they’re throwing around, not just criticizing sora 2, but pretty much any ai-generated work in general. “ai art isn’t art”, “ai is bad for the environment”, “ai slop”, “clanker”, “we should kill the ai artist”, my god the list goes on. i could even build a receipt or a poster series from all this if i want to. this made me hate people a little bit, even if ironically i make anime portraits with character descriptions in them.

all this constant doomscroll of anti-ai comments and posts left me wondering: am i back to square one? there are times where i work on myself so that i can create again without judgement from the peanut gallery, but i kept coming back like a revolving door. it’s so fucking exhausting. i can’t enjoy anything i like without someone criticizing bc it’s “ai-generated.” i’m living in a constant battle as a synthographer where i always tell myself: fuck all this man, i need a minute.

it made me think about quitting something that i love over the years too. it’s like they’d be happier if i just don’t share my works or erase myself from existence. i can’t take this anymore.

i've been feeling all sorts of confused lately. like, I don't know who I am anymore? it's like my identity is all jumbled up, and I can't sort it out. at 24, you'd think I'd have a clearer picture of myself, you know? but nope, here I am, second-guessing every little thing about myself. it's funny, isn't it? we spend all this time growing up and then realize we still have no clue what we're doing. just trying to navigate life with some semblance of purpose 😂;

i guess part of it is the pressure of trying to fit into the mold of what a 24-year-old "should" be. I've got friends who seem to have it all figured out. they know what career they want, where they want to live, and even who they want to spend their life with. and here i am, just... floating? it's like treading water, trying to find something to hold onto. it's not that i'm unhappy or anything. but sometimes, it feels like i'm just playing pretend in this 'grown-up' world. who else has this never-ending identity crisis?!

the weirdest part is how it flips so quickly. one minute, i'm all sorted and confident. the next, i'm questioning everything from my job to my weird taste in music. am i the only one who feels like their personality just never settles? it's like, i'm always trying to catch up with myself. maybe it's just part of the journey, finding bits and pieces until everything finally falls into place. maybe the whole point is in the mix of it all. do you ever feel like life is just a series of random self-discoveries?

anyway, i'm beginning to realize it's okay to change, to not have everything figured out. nobody's got it all together, even if it seems like they do. maybe part of me knowing who i am is accepting the uncertainty and rolling with it. even when it feels like chaos, there's a kind of peace in embracing that chaos, if that makes any sense. i'm just gonna keep going, exploring the parts of myself that make me, well... me. after all, life's too short to worry too much, right?! who knows where this rocky road of self-discovery will lead, but I gotta admit, there's something exciting about not knowing.

I've been with my partner for over 6 years. 4 years ago we moved into his mother's home with a promise from her that she would move out in a few months and that her house would be ours. It's now been almost 4 years and she's still here. Worst part is that she has a partner that is so disgusting. Like goes through the trash to find food disgusting. Anyway, in these 4 years she has made my life a living hell. Anything I try to fix or move or make my own she literally destroys or moves in order to make me angry. She tries to make it very clear that she's the one in charge. I honestly really do hate her. I have never in my life hated someone and to be brutally honest with you all I wish she would drop dead. There's so much in between that I could tell you all...but I also struggle with mental health issues and she's very old fashioned. She's very racist and is stuck in her ways. She doesn't even think mental health is real...she's just an ignorant, horrible woman. I cry myself to sleep alot. My relationship with my partner is really just non existent. He doesn't see what his mother has done to us...and unfortunately I am not financially stable enough to go be on my own. I'm struggling so much. Trying to be faithful to someone who in my eyes doesn't appreciate me and doesn't hear me out...I'm just so tired and sitting here now crying as I write this makes me realize that I deserve better. All I ever wanted was someone to love and to love in return. All I ever wanted was privacy and space in my own home. This house is not a home. This house is a prison.