Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

so my ex dumped me a few days ago and the next day turned around and said it wasn't them it was their friends who dumped me (background: we have dated before they were poly i wasn't comfortable with that so I ended things they said they had stopped seeing the other person so we got back together only for me to find out they were still seeing the other person so I ended it again) so basically the day I got dumped i went to go hang out with them at lunch and they said they weren't free so I walked away thinking nothing of it except they couldn't hang out. I was planning on walking into town in the place I live to get a mother's day present. when I approached the bridge into town one of they're friends approached me and said they didn't want to be with me anymore and all I could say was okay bc I was too hurt to anything else. I then text my ex (partner at the time) and ask if it's true they respond with a pic of said friend with their thumbs up. I block them immediately wanting nothing to do with them ever again. the next day my now ex approaches me and says non of it is true they never wanted to break up and that we should get back together.

what should I do

hey, so I'm having one of those days, you know? where you look in the mirror and all you see is this girl who doesn't fit the narrative of what society hypes up as beautiful. at 17, I'm surrounded by these friends who are all rocking that super skinny look. like, they've got that model-thin vibe going on without even trying, and here I am... compared to them, I feel so… blah, "chubby." it's not like I'm clinically overweight or anything, but every time I catch a glimpse of myself next to them, an alarm goes off in my head that screams, “why do I feel so fat???” it's like, no matter how many times folks tell me I look fine, my brain just won't listen. do you ever feel like this, or is it just me???

seriously though, I don't get how they're all running on caffeine and smiles. it's as if they have some secret society meetings where they hand out metabolism boosters like candy (wouldn't that be something, huh?). we all go out for coffee after school, and when they're ordering their non-fat, no-foam, whipped cream-makes-me-gain-five-pounds drinks, I'm right there with them just doing my thing. but when I get that delicious caramel macchiato, I can't help but feel guilty and a little self-conscious. does anyone else feel like every calorie you consume somehow gets added to your mental "shame tally"? or am I just overthinking everything???

and then, there are those oh-so-wonderful clothing store trips. it's like my closest friends can grab anything off the rack and it fits them like it's tailored... meanwhile, I'm over here struggling to find the right size that doesn't make me feel like a stuffed sausage. ugh! and we all know those dressing rooms aren't forgiving under those horrible, fluorescent lights. every time I go through this, I can't shake that judgy feeling, like the mirror is laughing at me behind my back. don't get me wrong, I know not everyone cares about size like it's a do-or-die situation, but in that moment, it can be all-consuming. sometimes, I just want to scream, "can I get a freaking break, please?!"

in my more rational moments, I completely get that beauty is subjective and everyone's body is unique, blah, blah, blah... but it's hard to remember when society and media reinforce this narrow standard of what it means to be “slim and perfect.” there's this insane pressure for the perfect body and although I've got a pretty healthy relationship with food (most of the time), I still get swept up in that body comparison storm. I've even had a few older, wiser folks telling me how things get better and that self-confidence comes with age. well, I'll be honest, I hope they're right 'cause feeling like the odd one out is exhausting. but for now, I'm just left wondering: why do I feel the way I do???

caught feelings for someone who was never mine to begin with. how did i let myself even get to this point... it’s funny like, you find yourself daydreaming about scenarios that will never exist and suddenly it feels tragically bittersweet when reality sinks in. friends asking if something is going on and you’re here thinking, 'Isn't nothing actually happening?' What do they know that I've missed? despite knowing from the start there was no establishment of anything significant beyond a friendly camaraderie, the heart sometimes refuses to follow what the mind logically understands. whether through shared interests or engaging chatting (that one time we had a heated debate about which superhero is superior), these little moments fostered a fondness. oh deceptive yet innocent illusions of potential romantic chapters...

you ever feel like you're just a ghost in your own home? like, here I am, 31 years old, a dude who's been on this spinning rock for more than three decades, and yet, I gotta say, it feels like my family's cared about me as much as a piece of chewing gum stuck under a desk. how messed up is that? from day one, it's like I've been the appendix of the family system—there, but not really necessary. like, what the heck!!! nobody asked them to go all out with dramatic acts of caring, but a nod of acknowledgment would have been nice. it's like my existence is the background noise of their lives, something they don't give a crap about. ever get that feeling? the one where you're the forgotten file on your family’s hard drive? sure, they threw some money at me, a roof over my head, but does that exempt them from showing actual, you know, human feelings???

since I was a kid, it always felt like i was another chore on their to-do list. like seriously, half the time I was just the notification they forgot to check. today, it's still the same, except now I'm handling my own bandwidth while they go off with their multiple subnets of life. zero emotional downloads from them while I over here am like: "Hey, remember me? The one who lived under your roof for 18 years???" when did I turn invisible? is there an off switch on their emotional router that I'm just entirely unaware of? imagine a tech support call with your family, where you try to troubleshoot their absence in your life, only to realize that nobody ever picked up the phone. they might as well have left me on hold forever. the usual excuse I get is that they were "busy with their own lives." sure, as if remembering your kid's name requires huge server resources. maybe immortality is in their plans, and they're banking on finding time to care later. what a joke!

it ain't like I expect a constant ping of attention, or to be the main node in their life network. just a simple response or, i don't know, acknowledgment that I'm part of the family configuration would be sufficient. instead, all I get is static whenever I try to connect. it's frustrating as hell, you know??? nobody sticks around to check my emotional cache, so it keeps overflowing. you ever have that? when your supposed support system feels more like an outdated OS? it's not like I'm requesting a full system upgrade; just a patch to fix the bugs would be nice. and before you say it, I'm aware self-care is important and all that jazz, but is it so wrong to want a family's firewall to occasionally let some love packets through??? being stuck in an emotional DDOS attack from neglect gets exhausting. don't misunderstand, I've got friends who care, and thank heavens for that, but should my emotional safety net not come from the family who installed my core programming??? it's all so ridiculous sometimes, but what can you do? just keep running scripts to stay functional, I guess.

so um... for a while I went through this phase where I would take those mental health quizzes for like hours and like google stuff about it for hours(the reason why is for another rant) but I remember I felt like I wasn't sure if I was exageratting or underexagerating my answers, and then I got to this quiz about BPD (borderline personality disorder) and it all sorta fit? if you don't know what it is you can Google btw I never heard of it before my obsessive researching😭.specifically "silent Bpd". ik online quizzes and stuff like that isn't a good idea and not a good diagnosis, and its also pretty rare so I may be don't but it just fits so perfectly. like I'm gonna copy paste some symptoms from Google just bc why not ig? Key characteristics include emotional suppression, self-harm or suicidal ideation, self-blame, and a sense of emptiness, sabotaging friendships, fear of abandonment, and unstable self image, all of which are hidden from others. I'm not suicidal today, but 11 days ago I was LITTERALLY planning my death... when I was severely depressed(lasted for maybe two years was suicdal that time too only two suffocation attemps) I did like tiny sh?? I don't wanna sound like dramattic or overexageratting because I never made myself bleed, but I would push my nails deep into my skin till it broke a little and I would scratch myself as well, and in like a twisted way I was proud of myself for it bc I am super scared and avoidant of pain with a low pain tolrance. the main cause of my big depressive stage was me repressing my emotions and feelings while I was in a super toxic relationship with my friends(I wrote another vent about that either "Self Sabatoge" or "My friend has the emotional intelligence of a thermostat") and that was rlly bad bc the feelings had to come out one time or another and bc I held them in so long I'm still dealing with leftover emotions from that time which makes it super hard to move on. I constantly feel like my friends are better then me and get scared that they don't like me or think im annoying or dont acc care Abt me which acc makes my relationships worse, because I've gotten super defensive about being too nice to people bc last time I was taken advantage of, so instead of acting insecure around my friends I withdraw myself and say I dont care or stuff doesn't bother me (bc I also got made fun of for being sensitive and it just made me more sensative). I acc wonder if I'm still suppressing feelings, just less of them bc I keep like getting upset at my friends for things that shouldn't rlly make me upset? I acc wonder if its not them being insensitive like I thought in "my friend has social intelligence of thermostat" and I just don't think I deserve them or I should just stop bothering them. I am 100% sure tho that I have self image problems.. I don't think its normal to have how I think I look affect my entire mindset or mood for the day, and have how I think I look vary so much. one day I'm confident with no makeup the next a full face and I still look like a rat trying to catfish. I sometimes tell myself I'm ugly and imagin myself super ugly to keep my hopes down so when I next look in the mirror I'm not as ugly as I thought I was. I wish I could just think I was pretty and stay thinking I was pretty instead of thinking I'm pretty and then seeing how ugly I am. I'm not hiding my emotions as much as I used to bc I got tired of babying everyone and pretending it was ok for them to do whatever they wanted and not think before there spoke, but anyways, do you think I do?? maybe I need an outside eye to say weather or not I do.. I honestly don't even know what I want for this, but if it's good to get each part of what's stuck inside me out, and this is something I have been wondering for a while. anyways, thanks for getting this far! could you maybe tell me what you think Abt this?

I’m starting to feel pretty uncomfortable with how close my girlfriend is getting with this guy I just get the weirdest feeling about and it’s making me feel so damn jealous.

I am so damn sick of my grandma being a total bitch 24/7 all the time complaining about the things I do when I stay out of her way and just lay low but no matter what its always my fault she can never ever have any blame like tonight I gave the cats a little bit of hot dog so they wouldnt be rushing out the door which also makes her mad and she got mad that I gave them some and my grandpa just sat there even though she buys them for him and I know he doesnt care like she does. Literally can never have a good day in this unwelcoming family like if Im at my parents they also complain about what I do if Im at my grandparents I get complained at here. I remember I had a bad break down ran away from home and that was the first time in like years I heard my grandma say she loved me. Jokes about my depression and says how I will be fine when I was unmedicated last year and had that bad break down. Whatever man shes in her 60s or something so shes probably just feeling old age or whatever. God I just wish my family would communicate properly without sulking/yelling/telling each other they are ungrateful because then I wouldnt feel the need to go online and complain about them and the actions

For as long as I can remember, the thought of parenting was never appealing to me. Growing up, I was the default caregiver to my four younger siblings until I left home at sixteen, which instilled in me a significant aversion to child-rearing. That's probably why I never pursued having children of my own and remained uncomfortable around youngsters.

When I married my husband, the situation was a bit different as he had three grown children from a previous marriage. Although I am their stepmother, I have never taken on a maternal role; my relationship with them is cordial, as I am primarily seen as their father's spouse. My interaction with them has been pleasant, without the obligations typical of parental roles.

The dynamics changed, however, when Kelly, one of his daughters, had a child. The family was overjoyed at the arrival of the first grandchild. From the onset, I was explicit about my boundary: I was not available for babysitting duties. My husband understood and happily took on the role of the doting grandfather. My role was simple—but enjoyable—limited to spoiling the grandchildren with gifts and the occasional treat, which worked well for the first few years.

However, Kelly began to pressure me more and more to assume a typical grandmotherly role, likely due to her own mother-in-law being out of state and less involved. Despite multiple discussions about this, she seemed unable to accept my stance.

Recently, the situation escalated. With my husband away on a business trip and our standing arrangement for him to babysit on Mondays disrupted, Kelly unexpectedly brought her children over, assuming I would babysit in his absence. When I reiterated that I would not be babysitting, the situation became tense and argumentative. Kelly left upset, insisting I should “step up” as a grandparent.

My husband supports my decision, but his other children have criticized me, calling into question my stance on family responsibilities.

Imagine if this familial disagreement were played out on a reality show. The audience would likely be polarized. Some might view me as standing my ground and defending my established boundaries, while others could perceive me as cold and unsupportive. Reality shows thrive on conflict and strong reactions from their audiences, and this situation could provide ample fodder for both.

How would viewers react to my decision in this scenario?

Now, I'd like to hear from you. I'm curious about what you think... Am I a bad person? :o

So manifesting.. law of assumption.. ive really been getting into these things. So usually it’s always like money and etc people want to manifest into their lives. Ok now I know to the ‘average’ person this is going to sound ehhh to……. But you know it’s always ‘life is what you make it’, ‘the only limits you have are the ones you have on yourself’ so magic. I want that. I’m aware of witchcraft and some other spiritual knowledge but yk like magic, teleport, energy blasts (ok don’t really want that but I hope you get) so manifesting magical powers specifically, I feel when ever I search something that has to do with ‘supernatural’ I see stuff like reality shifting or humans of this world don’t have the ability. Firstly I want it in THIS reality, secondly isn’t that technically a limiting belief? And how would I start unlimiting myself. I mean tbh there might be a bunch of people that know this and have ‘unlocked’ their powers but are just hiding. I hope this reaches people that are into magic kinda and also manifesting (coincidentally)

At the age of 45, finding myself entrenched in a troubling situation involving my 25-year-old nephew and the rest of our family, I could certainly use some outside perspectives, as this ordeal has left me feeling extremely distressed.

Last year proved to be challenging for my nephew as he lost his job and could no longer afford his share in a flat with friends. Having been closely involved in his upbringing and nurturing a deep bond with him over the years, I felt compelled to extend my help. I had recently acquired a house specifically for rental purposes, and I allowed him to reside there while he regained financial stability. Alongside this, I provided him with a cash gift of $3,000 to cover immediate living expenses.

A few months into this arrangement, my nephew secured a position at a prestigious tech company. Over the Thanksgiving dinner, he couldn't help but boast about his considerable starting salary, which surprisingly matched what I earn after a decade at my job. Naturally, I was thrilled and proud of his accomplishments.

With the arrival of spring, I felt it was appropriate for him to transition into his own place or start contributing rent for the house he occupied. Despite his apparent financial stability—indicated by his high salary—he vehemently refused, citing convenience and alleged financial constraints as reasons to continue staying rent-free. Confused by his resistance, I proposed a rental agreement priced slightly above my mortgage cost, significantly less than the market rate, which he also declined and subsequently reduced our interactions to a minimal level.

The tension escalated when my family persuaded me to serve him a 30-day eviction notice, legally notarized, which he outright ignored. During a maintenance visit to repaint the house, he reacted aggressively and damaged property. Left with no alternative, I initiated an eviction process. Amidst this turmoil, I discovered through a security camera that he had sold several of my stored valuables, prompting me to involve the police.

Things took a darker turn when he was apprehended coming back home under the influence, resulting in drug-related charges. Now, my family blames me for exacerbating his downfall, accusing me of knowing about his substance issues beforehand, despite his condition being revealed during the police intervention. They argue I should have resolved this privately.

Through this ordeal, I have tried to maintain a balance between support and discipline, yet I find myself overwhelmed by guilt and stress. It’s clear he overstepped many boundaries, but the familial backlash is difficult to bear.

In such a predicament, I often wonder how this would unfold if it were part of a reality TV show. Would the audience empathize with my efforts to help my nephew, or would they view my actions as too harsh, given the dramatic turn of events? It's curious how reality TV can skew perceptions of real-life crises, often highlighting intense family dynamics that resonate deeply with viewers.

Am I wrong for taking such steps?

Typing this out makes me feel a bit uneasy. I really adore my girlfriend, Laura. From her smile to her sense of humor, she's just amazing. We started dating back in college and now we're nearing our 30s (and yes, saying "almost 30" stings a bit).

Recently, I was invited to a birthday celebration by some new friends, who were eager to meet Laura since I always speak so highly of her.

On the day of the party, Laura looked stunning in stylish jeans and a charming crop top. I noticed she hadn’t put on any makeup, and casually asked if she planned to wear some. She reacted negatively, suggesting I was treating her like some kind of trophy, which was not my intention at all. Mind you, it’s not as though I ever insist on her wearing makeup. Whether we’re going out on dates or anywhere else, I’m not concerned about how she looks. However, she usually applies makeup when heading out with her friends.

Personally, if I were meeting my girlfriend's friends, I’d make an effort to look my best, just to give a good impression and sort of complement her. We've been together so long, we're practically family; I see her as an extension of myself and the other way around.

I do get that it’s not my place to dictate her choices in appearance. So, pondering over it, I can see how my question might have been out of line. Hit me with your thoughts,

Am I being unreasonable for having asked her about makeup?

Now, imagine if this situation unfolded on a reality show. Cameras rolling, capturing every nuance of the conversation and broadcasting my question to millions. The audience would probably be split. Some might empathize with my intentions, understanding the societal pressures of looking ‘perfect’ in social settings. Others might fiercely defend Laura’s right to present herself however she feels comfortable, criticizing me for placing undue importance on appearances. The episode would likely spark debate among viewers, making it a pivotal moment in the show.

Eversince i started middle school my mom has been so harsh on me. i mean I get it, its to get ready for the future, but that doesn't mean calling me a biatch, saying to go fock yourself, I wish you were never born, I wish you weren't a burden, I wish you knew how to say sorry, I wish I knew, I wish I could actually, I wish to die. I just WISH I can actually learn to love, to accept, to learn to say sorry, to just restart. Im sorry mom, I wish I listened to you earlier, I don't want our relationship like this, I don't want my mom to not care for me anymore, I want to have the relationship were mom and daughter are bestfriends, I'm sorry for this, I wish... I just wish, i wish i was never born so i wouldn't be a burden, i just wish wish wish, I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense

I try so hard in my life my family thinks I am just an lazy girl who does nothing they don't even know me so what's the point that's why I don't tell them shit because they make me bad about myself they don't know how school is for me is hard I was trying to hold not to cry and my dad made me look dumb as hell my mom went all mad at me I try to tell her its hard but she Nevers lisntin to me so I go outside to get me to relax and to chill and not crying it hurts me so bad I just hate myself I hate everything I never ask for anything as a kid it hurt me so bad shit and I cant tell my bf about this because I am really hurt and shit I don't even feel like my old self no more the girl who was so nice and never crys or mad they don't know how much I change now I don't even go out no more I am always get mad I try try over and over nothing changes Ii don't know how to tell them they made me hate myself and make me look so dumb plz help me and I need sum help how to tell them..

I want to talk to my bro, or anyone. I want help, just want to face my demons, face this past that keeps me up and keeps me in shock 24/7. I can't. When details arise, I choke on them. When I try, it is as though I am literally heaving each word.

No one in my life understands the things I've seen. They know a little, some more than others, and so, they can get the idea. But it's.. not the same. And there's questions. Always, and I mean, naturally. People get curious.

Idk. I'm drowning, man. I can barely even keep up the mask of jovial joker I am known for. People see it, somethings off, but I can't share.

I hear and see things long since over, be it asleep or in my waking day. I walk, eat, talk, work, and see these horrible times, horrible images or.. even relive them. I stare off and just shake, for however long. I ask questions that I KNOW are USELESS, but I also know that they are asked by the small child in me that still remains confused and afraid as to why he saw or experienced what he did.

Part of me recoils in disgust. Fucking weak, I say. But then.. I've done it all alone. Everything, everything, alone. No one to help. No one to listen. So I can't be so weak. But.. somehow, I am. Is it because I'm at a point I can afford to fall a part? Well, more than previous times.. is that it?? The fuck.

I can't keep together, I can't I can't. I cry and I rage out and I hear these things and I see and I just can't escape it I can't. I want to. I want to enjoy my fucking day, I want to live NOW, not THEN.

so, idk if i should really talk abt ai art here bc i fear i might get witch hunted or anything. either way, i wanted to talk abt my so-called list vents. this started…idk when, probably many months ago, and i would write down the same phrase over and over again in an unordered list, talking abt things that i’m very tired abt. this is the latest list that i’ve written, titled after a song by tripleS. i hope that i could open up abt my feelings abt ai as a synthographer here, bc i’m sometimes tired of bottling them all up.

* i’m tired of people saying that it’s over or that we’re cooked

* i’m tired of people portraying us as villains

* i’m tired of artists wanting us to pick up a pencil or just about anything that draws

* i’m tired of artists poking fun at us when we can’t generate ai images offline*

* i’m tired of the backlash from an ai-generated comic about two fans and an aircon

* i’m tired of this one creator saying about the very first anime to be 95% generated with ai and it looks like garbage

* i’m tired of artists urging to find alternatives to ai art or death threats will come

* i’m tired of people saying that ai is [insert negative verb ending with “-ing”] the industry

* i’m tired of ai-generated videos abt the apocalypse or anything weird in general

* i’m tired of this so-called “prompt theory”

* i’m tired of not being able to try Veo 3 because it’s under a seriously exorbitant subscription**

* i’m tired of chatgpt being a yes man, as everyone says

* i’m tired of chatgpt poisoning my brain

* i’m tired of being the only person who knows about ai and messes around with it***

* i’m tired of animating a stick figure doing a baseball throw for an assignment

* i’m tired of seeking validation with a chatbot

* i’m tired of losing myself in this ai world

* i’m tired of being alive in this ai world

* i’m tired of these invisible bruises

* i’m tired of all this noise

* i’m tired of feeling like i’ve fallen

* i’m tired of going back to square one after everything works out

* i’m tired of saying “finals week or my final week”

* i’m tired of wanting to drown myself

* i’m tired of making myself write this every month, bc as ai improves, hate grows too

*good thing i have data duh!

**even if i can get it for free with an edu account, then what’s the point if i’ll never use it again if ever?

***i seriously don’t know anybody who does ai art as a hobby in my circle of friends