Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Alright, so I'm 39 and trying not to freak out, but it's hard not to feel like something ominous is scribbled across my life's blueprint. could it be the algorithm of stress, or maybe just the faulty wiring in my overthinking brain? the days scrape by and I've got this stupid itch, like a ticker tape in my head whispering "tick-tock, hun, something's coming." you ever stand in the shower and just watch the water swirl down the drain while wondering if you're circling right down with it??? bizarre, right? but seriously, what the hell is this gut-churning sense of doom that just lounges in my living room like it pays rent?

i blame it on the 'midlife crisis' stigma, which surely must be some twisted rite of passage. but i don't own a convertible or an absurdly-priced leather jacket, just a morbid fascination with my own mortality. is there an existential influencer somewhere saying, "and now you'll dread your birthday cake candles"? at this age, you'd think I'd have unlocked some dispassionate wisdom from life's inventory, but nah, feels like i'm playing a video game with a walkthrough written in pencil!!! like howdy, could someone patch this glitch, please? no cheat codes here, just wish I could delete this morose save file, you know?

but here's the thing, if i dust off my therapist's favorite cliches, it's like hitting pause and rebooting with optimism... "change is good!" or that irritating serene vibe of "you've got this." tedious but they might be onto something!!! i mean, statistically, with all the variables, I could live to garden with my grandkids, dodging any hardware bug life throws my way. don't you think it's hilarious how we can be both the protagonist and the heckler in our life’s script? maybe we're all just late-night telethon hosts, presenting dramatic predictions about the apocalypse of our souls. pfft, if i can troubleshoot systems as complicated as my own, enjoying that last cookie guilt-free seems doable enough. maybe, just maybe, this isn't some final destination trailer after all, but just a low-budget pilot for figuring out what it means to really live!

Basically, when I was 13-17, I did alot of terrible things online such as essentially repeatedly bullying others in an attempt of "trolling", making terrible jokes against groups of people (even if most were in private places where everyone knew it was a joke) and also mentioning NSFW topics or making NSFW jokes in groups with some younger people in it, even if again, everyone there knew it was either a joke or not directed at them, and they weren't uncomfortable with it or anything. When I was 17, I kept feeling worse and worse about myself and eventually tried killing myself. I failed with that and only ended up in the hospital. Now I'm 18, I fully apologized for everything, got therapy, and even got along with some of the people I used to bully back then and even managed to do some small things to make up for what I did for a few. However, I still feel terrible that people will keep beating on me for my past and that I won't be accepted in alot of places or communities for it and it makes me wish I died so I wouldn't have to deal with my life anymore as I have a feeling I messed up my life and will eternally have my past mistakes sticking on me. This got especially bad when I read about some other people, mostly youtubers, who did what I also think was obvious jokes during an edgy phase they had and later even got therapy and fully apologized for all of it, but people still made fun of their past and it makes me afraid that the same would happen to me if I would manage to build up my popularity more. Joining one of these groups of people on youtube that make videos and stuff together was always one of my biggest dreams and now I feel like I permanently messed it up because of what I did when I was 13-17 with how unforgiving the majority of the internet is about past mistakes, even after you got help.

I typically use a diary to write this stuff, but I feel like I need to post this again somewhere it can be seen, but not easily by the person it's about.

I've been crushing on someone for a little while, and only last month was I able to make moves on her. Things seemed to be going well, but then flirting was met with offputting responses, but I was never told to stop, as many times as I asked about whether it was fine or not. We know what each other look like, she's really attractive and all I got was "you're not bad" or something. I forget. Used to it.

But the other night changed everything. It seemed she had never been interested from the start, and it only took her mentioning a guy she liked for all of it to really come out. Like, why not just tell me right away? "Hey anon, before you continue, I'm just not interested in you" or something would have been nice way sooner. But no, I get to hear how "this guy is so hot" and he makes her just so happy and stuff, he makes her feel seen (something I've been doing for her for a while) and I guess he's just better in every way.

I'm just not that guy. I hate not being that guy. It hurts a lot, I just want someone I like to like me back properly. I have my shit in order, but I guess that's the one thing I can never have.

Slightly offtopic, but anime goes around and shows how great love can really be, and yet, as one of the many viewers they're curated for, it's just not something I'm going to get myself.

So fuck love, I guess. I'm sick of it, and I'm sick of trying for people who only appreciate me because I'm there, and not because I'm who I am. I want to be more than just some guy. I want to be a girl's guy.

I keep asking myself this question every day: how to stop worrying about the future? Because honestly, I don’t have a clue. Maybe I used to, back when life felt predictable, when you went to school, got a degree, found a job, and stuck with it until retirement. But now? Now everything is changing so fast, I feel like I can’t even keep up. And it’s not my future that keeps me up at night—it’s theirs. My kids. They’re still young, still in school, but I keep thinking, what will the world look like when it’s their turn to step into it? What will jobs even look like in 15 years? We tell them to study hard, to pick a career they love, but what if those careers don’t even exist by the time they get there? What if everything we’re teaching them now is useless in a world run by AI, automation, and technology that doesn’t even exist yet? It terrifies me. Because how am I supposed to guide them when I don’t even know what’s ahead?

I see it already—companies replacing workers with algorithms, AI writing code, making art, answering customer service calls. I read articles saying entire industries will disappear, that jobs we once thought were secure won’t exist anymore. And the worst part? Nobody seems to know what will replace them. I try to imagine what my kids will do when they’re grown. Will they need a degree, or will universities be irrelevant? Will they compete with machines for work? What if no matter how smart, how hardworking they are, it won’t be enough because the rules of the game will have changed? I want to tell them that if they study, if they put in the effort, they’ll be okay. But I don’t know if that’s true. And that’s what scares me the most. I try to remind myself that every generation has faced uncertainty, that the future has always been unpredictable, that worrying won’t change anything. But the truth is, I feel powerless. I can’t stop the world from changing, and I can’t guarantee that they’ll be ready for it. All I can do is teach them how to adapt, how to think critically, how to keep learning even after school ends. Maybe that’s the answer. Maybe instead of worrying about what jobs will exist, I should focus on raising kids who can handle whatever comes. Because in the end, the future isn’t something I can control—it’s something they’ll have to navigate on their own. And maybe, just maybe, that will be enough.

I recently purchased a semi-detached home and it's turning out to be a massive project. Everything needs an overhaul, right down to the framework.

My neighbors keep to themselves; there’s a father and a daughter who has special needs, and there are mumblings of a son and a mother, though I've never laid eyes on her.

We've just begun remodeling the bathroom, which unfortunately adjoins the daughter's bedroom.

This bathroom is a disaster - we have to demolish and replace everything, including the plumbing and light fixtures. It’s a huge job.

We began demolition four days ago, and immediately, the noise triggered the daughter’s loud, piercing screams. Despite the clamor of our equipment and our own ear protection, her distress was unmistakable.

The next day, her father came over, rather upset, explaining that his daughter is autistic and particularly sensitive to disturbances. He mentioned that our drilling had shaken loose some of her possessions, causing breakage. I apologized, and he walked away somewhat relieved.

However, that evening he returned, furious after work, and berated me and my brother Jake, who’s helping me out with the renovations. He shouted about our lack of consideration and stormed off.

Yesterday, he appeared again, visibly angry, accusing us of being ruthless for continuing the work despite his daughter’s evident turmoil. I saw his daughter looking quite shaken, which made me feel sorry, but I explained we needed to press on with the work.

Today, he demanded we halt our noisy work as his daughter was struggling to recover from her ongoing distress. He looked completely worn out.

I apologized once more but told him that it's his responsibility as a father to manage his daughter’s reactions, and that our renovation schedule couldn't accommodate their situation indefinitely.

He left angrily, and since then, my pregnant wife has been ignoring me, labeling me insensitive and harsh. She insists that if it were our child, we’d expect understanding from others.

I acknowledge the father’s frustration, but my brother and I need to finish this job promptly, and it's just not feasible to stop now.

My wife is still upset, and I’m now sleeping on the sofa. The neighbors are clearly unhappy with us too.

Suppose I was on a reality TV show with cameras capturing these confrontations and my family's reactions. Audiences would probably be split. Some might sympathize with the need to progress work on the house, while others could view me as the villain for not being more accommodating towards a child with special needs.

Am I the bad guy here?

I'm wondering, if you were to put this situation to a public vote, what would people say?

My boss tends to scold me on our workplace group chat. I try to just learn from the experience but it has been challenging because most of the time it is just about little things. I would really appreciate the decorum to just be civil (boss is not saying bad words when im called out) but just scolds me (you can read it in the tone of the message). I do not want to talk to her about it coz I do not want the conflict and she does tend to explode.

Soo, it was my first time applying for a job and it didn't go well. I submitted my application last Monday and when I went home I found out I gave the unedited cover letter, so I went back on Tuesday to resubmit the right one. Today, I emailed my application letter and resume then I sent it to the wrong email address, it was cc the first email was right but the cc was not. So I resend it again when I sent it I forgot to write the subject so I resent another one again. I just hope that they will email me back. Everything I did was a mess, I feel so stupid.

I never thought my life would end up like this—fighting over every little thing with someone I used to love. The divorce has been dragging on for over a year now, and it feels like I’m stuck in a nightmare I can’t wake up from. At first, I was angry, then sad, but now? Now I just want to know how to stop caring. How do you let go of something that consumes your every waking thought?

It started off civil enough—or at least, that’s what I told myself. We agreed to “keep things amicable” for the sake of our kids, but that plan went out the window as soon as lawyers got involved. Suddenly, it wasn’t about splitting things fairly—it was about who could one-up the other. I can’t even count how many sleepless nights I’ve had, going over emails from my lawyer or replaying arguments in my head.

The worst part is how personal it’s become. It’s not just about the house, the finances, or custody. It’s the way she twists every little thing I’ve done into some grand narrative about how I’m the villain. At first, I tried defending myself, writing long rebuttals to every accusation, hoping to prove my side of the story. But no matter what I said, it didn’t matter. The attacks kept coming, and all I got in return was more frustration and legal bills piling up.

My lawyer told me the same thing over and over: “Don’t let it get to you. Focus on the facts.” Easy for them to say—they don’t have to live with the emotional fallout. But they’re right. The constant back-and-forth has been eating me alive, and it’s gotten to the point where I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I’ve become bitter, snappy with the kids, and consumed by stress. This isn’t who I want to be.

So, how do you stop caring? I wish I had a perfect answer, but I’ve been trying a few things. First, I’ve stopped reacting to every little provocation. Not every battle is worth fighting, and sometimes, silence really is the best response. It’s not about letting her “win” but about protecting my own peace.

Second, I’ve started focusing on what I can control. I can’t change her behavior or the things she says, but I can choose how I respond. Instead of dwelling on her accusations, I’ve been trying to put my energy into being there for my kids. They don’t need to see me angry and broken—they need a dad who’s present and strong.

Lastly, I’ve started therapy. I was hesitant at first because, honestly, I didn’t want to admit I needed help. But talking to someone who isn’t involved has been a game-changer. It’s helped me process my feelings and realize that letting go doesn’t mean I’m giving up. It just means I’m choosing to move forward.

This divorce has taken so much from me already—time, money, and peace of mind. I don’t want it to take any more. Learning how to stop caring doesn’t mean I don’t feel anything. It just means I’m choosing not to let this define me anymore. And maybe, just maybe, that’s the first step to really moving on.

I have a very traditional family, especially my dad. He expects me to cook, clean, do his laundry, iron his clothes, and he controls everything. What I wear, what I do, how much makeup I put on, who I text—everything. It’s exhausting because I have to hide so much of my life. And I’m not even dressing inappropriately. I’m quite mature for my age and know what’s right and wrong.

He always blames my mom when something goes wrong. My whole family is like this. Once, when my mom was in the hospital, I had to take over everything. I came home from school exhausted and still had to clean, take care of my brother, and handle so much more. I was completely drained and went to my grandma’s house. She noticed and asked me what was wrong. When I explained, my grandpa said, “That’s a woman’s job, of course she should be doing it.”

Whenever we have visitors, my mom, my sister, and I have to clean everything, while the men just sit and eat.

I also notice clear differences in how my brother is treated compared to me. When I was his age, I was abused. When I was little, I barely ate, and it would take me hours. My parents would lash out at me and hit me—I was only five. When I was sick and threw up, they hit me. When I did something like swearing, I got hit again. They pulled my hair, threw me around, slapped me, and even hit me with a belt. I was constantly scared and cried a lot as a child, and I think it still affects me today.

And my brother? Nothing. Not once have they ever hurt him. I’m not saying they should—but why me and not him? I know they didn’t want a girl. At least my dad didn’t. But still, it’s not fair.

Recently, my brother has started hitting me and constantly annoying me, but no one cares. My parents do nothing about it. He swears at my mom and me and everyone around him, and they just laugh. If I had done that, I would have been punished badly.

Even now, when I talk back, they get angry. Once, my dad accused me of wearing makeup even though I wasn’t. He yelled at me, and when I talked back, it didn’t take him long to throw the first thing he could grab at me. Then he kept throwing things—while we were at a relative’s house.

I hate that I have to carry all this responsibility while they still treat me badly and don’t show me love. I hate that being a woman feels so much harder than being a man. Sometimes I wish I had been born a boy—everything would have been easier.

I (F22) have been dating my girlfriend (F21) for 3 years.

🧡 We met 1-2 weeks before starting college, since we were going to be classmates. She was supposed to live in the dorms for free, but after 2 days, she hated it and invited herself to sleep over at my place (we barely knew each other). We hooked up that night - and she basically never left. Classic lesbian stereotype, I know.

🌈 At first, I hid from my parents that she was living with me since they were paying my rent and didn’t know her. After 2 months, we made it official. A few months later, she met my parents (they thought we were just friends) and they adored her. She came home with me every visit. After 2 years, I told them we were together, and surprisingly, they were super supportive - even got over their strong homophobia for her. Now they treat her like their own daughter, and my whole family loves her... even more than they love me, sometimes.

💼 She’s been a super supportive partner and has helped me a lot with my business. I honestly wouldn’t be where I am without her. But she doesn’t have a job, and her abusive parents don’t support her or even know about us. She lives off a small scholarship allowance and feels guilty for not contributing more. I got her a laptop, my dad got her a phone, but she refuses to let me hire her because she wants to earn her own money. I usually cover everything, and I don’t mind since my business does very well. We recently moved to another apt, and my parents still pay the rent for both of us.

💔 The truth is, I don’t think I ever truly loved her romantically. I was probably just scared of being alone in a new city and clung to her because we were both lesbians and colleagues. I mistook her vibe for something more masculine at first, but over time I realized she’s not really my type physically. I do love her personality - she’s emotional, artistic, and sees the world beautifully. I’d often find myself staring at other people, not fantasizing, just feeling a quiet frustration inside. In the first year we were very active se)(ually, but now I am forcing myself to do it. I'm not enjoying it.

🕳️ When I moved away for college, I was excited to live independently, but that never really happened. She moved in almost immediately, and we became co-dependent: always together, doing everything side by side. Now that we just finished college, I feel like I missed out on everything -freedom, partying, self-discovery. While others were out living, I was working nonstop on my business. I am succesful, I've even been on the news, but I feel empty, like I sold my soul for money. Sometimes, I think the only escape is death. I don't want to be in this relationship anymore, but I’m scared to leave. My parents love her and they’d never forgive me. They would never accept another girl, because SHE is the reason they stopped being homophobic.

🏠 I’ve been saving for a house abroad and told her it’s for both of us, but she hasn’t contributed financially because she doesn’t have a job. I’m not upset - most people our age aren’t making this much, but she constantly compares herself to me and feels like a failure. She has breakdowns because she can’t provide, even though most students don’t have it figured out yet. I tried encouraging her to freelance; she got one client and gave up. I have tons of business and investment ideas, but she won’t act on them. I can’t keep pushing her. I’m already exhausted from running my business and dealing with my own mental health issues.

🌍 I’ve always valued freedom, and marriage feels like a cage. I like being alone and dream of traveling the world. I could afford to do it now, but I can’t because she can’t afford it and feels guilty when I pay. I know she’ll get a job eventually and things might balance out, but for now, I’m sad my youth is slipping away. My past relationships were traumatic - one landed me in the hospital, another was a drug addict, one dug up her dead dog’s skull, and another cheated on me while I paid for everything because she was nearly homeless. This time, I chose someone kind and stable, not really my type, but safe. She’s never hurt me, but I’m still unhappy. And even though I know she’s not using me, I’m tired of always being the provider.

📱💬 I know you’ll judge me, and I don’t blame you. Last year, feeling lonely and needing a new friend, I started chatting with a masc lesbian on Bumble BFF. She had a girlfriend, so I saw her as a safe friend. She was adventurous, always traveling and doing extreme sports - basically the life I wanted. She wasn’t the issue... it was what she awakened in me. She was the version of myself I never got to be. We talked nonstop for months, and my girlfriend noticed. I felt happy texting the other girl - not se)(ually, just less lonely. My girlfriend got jealous, and I understood why, but I couldn’t stop. The girl broke up with her partner of 4 years and started dating around. I was interested in her stories because I was frustrated about my own relationship. She invited me to hang out, but my girlfriend asked me to cut contact, saying the other girl was flirting. I didn't tell my gf that that girl broke up with her partner, because I wanted to keep things safe. She eventually removed me from her following list and she unfollowed me, because I stopped replying to her texts, since my gf was mad.

💀 I want to be honest. I hoped we’d become best friends and maybe more. Some of our chats felt like flirting. She complimented me a lot, and we talked nonstop. After we started talking, I had a breakdown and told my girlfriend I didn’t love her and wanted to break up. She was devastated and she thought I was falling for that girl. I couldn’t break up for real because I worried about my parents and that my girlfriend would have nowhere to live. I told another time I wanted to break up, and she begged on her knees for me to stay. We’re stuck together for at least two more years because we’re doing our masters in the same city. I feel trapped and often think about su!cide as the only way out. The pressure from my parents, business, and her situation feels overwhelming.

💔 It’s been 1 year since I stopped talking to that girl, but I’m still frustrated my gf wouldn’t let me meet her. I think I developed an unhealthy obsession, hoping to run into her or reconnect. Now I see it was emotional cheating and wrong. I never even met her in person, so it was just lust stuck in my mind. Since then, my girlfriend lost trust in me and started trying to be more masculine, feeling like she was competing and getting easily triggered.

🚫 I’m stuck. Leaving my girlfriend now would ruin my relationship with my family, and she’d have nowhere to go. But staying makes me more depressed every day. I’m on medication and feel like my youth is slipping away. I regret not exploring more before her. I only slept with 2 women before. When I tried to break up, she begged me to stay and offered that I could sleep around while she waited but I refused because that wouldn’t be fair to her.

🪞I’m still dating her but feel guilty for leading her on. I’ve lost myself in this relationship and put on 10 kg. I hate the way I look. I wanted someone who would push me, but she’s my mirror. We even say the same things and act alike. We often leave the house messy because we’re both struggling mentally and isolated from friends. She had therapy for a while but stopped due to cost. Her therapist once told her that they knew the girl I talked to. It used to be one of their old patients but she was problematic. The fact that the therapist told my gf the confidential info about that other girl made me distrust therapy even more. Although I know people will say I need it.

Please tell me what you think about this situation. You can be harsh, because I know that what I did was not moral at all. I haven’t told any of my friends this, because I am afraid. All of our friends are common and they would think I am a s!lut. I have been keeping this inside for over one year. Thank you!

My husband and I have 3 kids: two boys, 9 and 8, and a girl, 3. The boys have been driving us crazy with their constant fighting. We’ve had countless talks with them about respecting each other, but it hasn’t worked. Sibling rivalry is normal, but this is disruptive to us all, every day.

I told my husband last week that maybe the vacation wasn’t a good idea. He shut me down immediately and we went ahead as planned.

First off, the 3.5-hour car ride was (predictably) hell. The boys fought and riled each other up the whole time. Husband and I kept reassuring each other that things would be better once we got there and they’d be too excited to cause trouble.

We were wrong. At the rental house, they immediately did everything they weren’t supposed to.

Shoes on the white furniture? Check. Running in the house? Check. I turned my back for 2 seconds and the 8-year-old threw a box of chalk in the pool to keep his brother from getting it. At lunch, they were out of control. The 9-year-old ran away because he didn’t get his way.

We finally got to the beach, and they were being brats. Refusing sunscreen, fighting over toys, going farther out in the water than we allowed, and cursing.

By the time we got back to the house for dinner, I was fed up. They were ruining it for everyone. I told my husband we needed to go home; they needed to see a real consequence.

My husband insisted it would get better. I put my foot down and said either I was leaving, or we all were. He got super pissed and said it was unfair to our daughter. I agreed but saw no other choice. The kids burst into tears, begging to stay and promising to behave.

My mother, who came with us, was near tears too. She thinks her grandkids do no wrong and begged me to “just let it go,” but I refused. So, we left less than 24 hours into a 4-day vacation.

Half the ride home was spent with them sobbing, and my husband gave me the silent treatment. My mother decided to stay behind and started texting me, saying I had “ruined it for everybody” and “they’re only little once.”

Now, no one likes me except my 3-year-old. Are they right? Am I wrong?

Imagine if we were on a reality show! How do you think the viewers would react to me putting my foot down and cutting the vacation short? Would they see me as the villain or the hero of this story?

i have a best friend. She's been my best friend for the longest time after all my friends stopped being friends with me around some year in middle school, if i'm not wrong.

i've felt her love all this years—as a friend, of course. i felt so close to her, almost as if we were siblings. i always felt comfortable around her and just did whatever i want because i felt like she accepted me however i was.

Thing is, after all this long, long years, where things have changed drastically and we're definitely not as close as we used to be....................... i think i like her.

That shouldn't be a problem. Friends tend to fall in love with their friends and that's how they end up marrying and having a family and blah blah blah. It's normal and it should be.

*Should* be, because it's not normal.

We're both girls. And that...... kind of terrifies me.

i have nothing against homosexuals. i love y'all people, would never see a bit of hate from me towards you or anyone else. It's just—

Yeah, i have a faith. And *this*?

This kind of f*cks up everything.

i've dealt with this feeling for *a while* now. Tried to suppress them, tried to understand them, tried to forget about it.......

Nothing works.

It just feels so wrong however i look at it.

i don't like her in a way i can imagine or daydream about us being in a relationship and having a future together—no, i just-- i just want her to be by my side. To be together. As just friends, or a bit something else, in some sense(?). That she does love me back. That it would be mutual. That, even if she has lots more of friends aside from me, at the end of the day she still comes back to hug me and tell me she loves me.

i have never talked to her about this because— first of all, i'm shy, even with her. i've changed and i don't feel as close as we were back then. Just saying all of this here is embarrassing enough, because it feels like admitting something huge and making it *real*—it's scary. i'm doing this only because i'm desperate to let it out and it's anonymous. And, second— HOW THE HELL DO I GO AND TELL HER "hey, i think i like you. Not sure tho but what'd you think"?!! i wouldn't go and say it that way, but in ANY way i say it, i feel like i'm going to ruin a friendship i've taken years on to build, after being left by many and become isolated.

Look, maybe i'm just overly attached to her because she's literally my only friend left (and i feel like this is going to break any time) or idk i'm going through a phase or something. Or maybe i just admire her or something and i'm mistaking it for romantic love??

But every time i look at her—bathed in sunshine, beneath moonlight; under blue skies or a sunset of hues. Even sweating overwhelmed by summer heat or soaked in cold winter rain. She just shines. She's beautiful. She's so damn pretty it hurts. Her smile is something i want for only me. i'm guilty of feeling a little possessive in that way. But especially in the way she speaks—her voice, her words, her gestures. How she feels and how she shows it; in the way she does mundane chores or a complex project of any kind, of anything she's interested in.

i just......... Feel short of words.

i feel so in love that it truly hurts—because i like her, so much, and she seems unreachable... And even if she was at my very reach... It feels incredibly wrong.

i'm scared of ever saying something even slightly related to my feelings to her, because anything and everything feels exposing, from what i do and what i don't.

i just feel so stupid......

Being in love is difficult, i hadn't been in forever... i hate it... But i also lover her so much it kind of numbs the hate... But then i hate to admit it... Damn it...

Also, do i have to actually put that question it tells me to put at the end...?

I'm 15 (almost 16) and it's been years that I see the same pattern going on with my dad. Whenever I ask for something I have to earn it, even if it's going out with friends, and as soon as he doesn't like something he will start threatening about not permitting me to do it anymore. An example is that I have been asking to go to a concert of a singer I like and after a while they finally said yes and as soon as they said yes he's been threatening to send back the ticket if he feels like I didn't study enough or that I could be disrespecting him (to him disrespect is even only raising my voice a little, huffing or not hearing him or answering immediately when he calls me). It feels like for one nice thing I get I also have to get a thousand bad ones. I searched online and it says that it's like manipulation or emotional abuse. Also tbh I'm like less excited about the concert (which would've been my first one ever) now that I'm getting threatened for every single thing and I'm starting to think maybe I shouldn't have asked at all even though I literally just got it.

My mom recently told me to “save myself” and get out of my relationship — essentially, to run. Ever since, I can’t stop thinking about it.

My partner and I have been together for just over 4 years. He proposed about a year ago. We’ve had highs and lows, but now I’m wondering if the bad outweighs the good.

He has long-standing mental health struggles: specifically, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Complex PTSD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. He’s been slowly learning to manage them better. And to be clear, I don’t think mental illness excuses poor behavior, but I do believe it adds context.

I also have my own issues — I have an anxious attachment style, and while I’ve never been formally diagnosed with anything else, I know I carry some of my own trauma.

My mom knows about some of the incidents we’ve gone through. Sometimes, when he’s triggered or overwhelmed, he shifts into a cold, mean, and distant version of himself. He feels like a different person — which makes sense, given the DID. I try my best to support him and stay patient, but when these episodes last for days, it really affects me. I stop feeling loved or even seen.

He also sometimes talks to new people — sometimes romantically, sometimes not. We’ve had an open relationship on and off because his personality changes have made consistent boundaries complicated. But it’s hard not to feel insecure or like I’m being replaced, even though he says he loves me deeply and always will.

When he shuts down, he leaves. He won’t respond to texts or calls for hours or whole evenings. During the worst of these, I’ve called my mom in tears. Once, I asked him about someone he was messaging, and he exploded. He called me stupid, said I wasn’t “evolved enough” for him, and that he needed someone who trusts and motivates him. That crushed me — I was only asking for reassurance.

After these moments, he usually comes back, apologizes, and says he’s working on changing. He’s loving again, and we go back to “normal.” But it’s a cycle. The dark side always returns.

My mom thinks this is manipulation. She says he’s using me — I pay for most of our life right now, since he’s in school. She believes he apologizes just enough to keep me around because I support him financially and emotionally. She hasn’t seen the best parts of him… but she also hasn’t seen the worst. And if she knew everything, I think she’d try to physically get me out of here.

So now I’m left wondering:

• Is he being emotionally manipulative and possibly abusive?

• Or is this just a deeply broken person doing his best and deserving patience?

• Is my mom being overprotective, or is she seeing something I’ve been too close to recognize?

I’m stuck between wanting to support the person I love and wondering if staying means abandoning myself. What would you do?

(Is this the right category?...)