Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Have y’all heard of enoclophobia? A phobia of crowds, it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but for me it’s overwhelming

Basically my family owns a small business company, and they’re been forcing me to do presentations on the lastest products since I was young. And since there are lots of people in the auditorium, I panic, but I shouldn’t make humiliation of myself in this big event, so I just manage. By the end of the presentation, but face is blue;;

I’ve been telling my parents for years that I don’t want to be the heir of this company, and I don’t want to do these presentations, but I’m forced to, even my long term crush is going through the same situation, she doesn’t have any phobias tho… she doesn’t like me back bc of how stupid I act while on stage, buts it’s a natural born phobia, I wish I could get rid of it but how?

So, I was in love with online person I met, and he goes by a nickname 'Hanata'. I don't know his real name, but he's so nice and seems so miserable and needy..

So I feel in love with what I thought was him

But instead, I realized I fell in love with the vision of him in my head

does anyone else get that thing when someone hurts you, or does something bad and you get really angry. and you want to hate them, but you know the things they struggle with, and their life story and how much of a good person they are so you cant just hate them?? like why cant you just be a horrendous person so I can hate you for what you did?? instead of feeling guilty for being angry at you. its not fair.

Look I don’t or didn’t know what to put as the topic. However; day by day, hour by hour, year by year, month by month I’m less ok. If your anything like me it’s hard to tell someone or even talk to a trusted adult about what your going through. I may not know you but welcome to whatever this fuckin thing is… life is mysterious yet hurts because you never know what will happen. My parents want what’s best for me yet I don’t know what’s best for me, I don’t have a path. I don’t have a journey to follow, I’m going with the flow going day by day not knowing where I’ll end up or how I’ll feel by the end of the day. I mean fuck, I skipped work and got so drunk I just needed to feel something, I needed to feel like I could feel things again. Yet it didn’t matter it didn’t help, getting drunk or high won’t help.. sadly… I’m terrible with talking to people I’m awkward I’m socially awkward I’m anxious and scared and anything possible. I know I need to find what I’m good at but it’s like everyone around me isn’t rooting for me, but is pushing me to do things I can’t do or I don’t want to do. Don’t let that happen to you. Because you need to follow your heart, your head, and follow your own path not one someone forges for you, not one someone is forcing you to do. Follow whatever you want to do. Never feel pressured to do anything, take your time and soon enough you will end up ok. Maybe not today, or tomorrow or a week from now fuck maybe not even a year from now but we were all brought onto this earth to do smth we just need to find out what.

I know the title is silly. It's my attempt to lighten what is bound to be a pretty depressing situation to write out.

So I'm autistic, but autistic in the way where it's almost -ALMOST- not a problem. I can speak well, I can go out in public and not visibly stand out if I try not to (unless I open my mouth), I'm smart and kind and not prone to outbursts. I keep myself and my surroundings clean enough. HOWEVER. I still need help. I can't open cans or use can openers, I can't hold a bag for long or it hurts my stupid oversensitive hands, I never got the hang of folding clothes or tying shoes. I'll forget to eat sometimes, forget to shower sometimes (though never if I have somewhere to be), and I'm totally nocturnal on account of the only friends I have being digital and overseas. People in real life don't stay, or worse, they do and they bully me. My diet is almost entirely beige, I can't use a bus without getting lost if the route is unfamiliar, the list goes on and on. The things I can do are many, and I love my hobbies no matter how unprofitable they are, but the few things I can't outweigh them by societal importance. Jobs reject me because I can't answer the phone or stand up for the whole shift, and I need to do only one or two tasks, not eight.

This is where the title kicks in - I like to joke I have Old Timey Disney Princess Syndrome, in that there is literally no solution for my problems that doesn't involve waiting for someone else to please, please swoop in and fix it for me:

Want my own house? Wait for someone with money to agree to live with me.

Want a job? Wait for someone to say yes to an application AND they have to agree to my limited scope of things I can actually do.

Want to go out somewhere? Wait for someone to be available to take me.

It's crushing me. I'm doing everything I can to try and move along - I want SOMETHING in my life to change, but it's like I'm on a treadmill. It doesn't seem to matter how hard I try, nothing changes. If anything, the situation gets worse year upon year. I've recently turned 24, so my job prospects are now the lowest they've ever been because I'm now competing with fully-able people my age who who finished university, and I couldn't even go because I got bullied so hard everywhere else.

I know a lot of people who will look at this story and go "wow. what a whiny victim, no such thing as 'can't', just get up and DO IT." and to that I say, "don't you think I've tried?"

Every single thing I have listed for you here, every single item, I have attempted to change or struggle through. I have wasted months or years trying to do things I'm simply not built to be able to do. I have worked myself to breakdown and therapy again and again. I have tried every option available, from self-employment to placements to toughing-it-out. I have tried left handed can openers, electric can openers, ring pulls. I have tried pre-bagged veggies in my diet, differently prepared almost every way you can think of. I have been on so many courses that my work coach has run out of courses to send me on. That is how hard I have tried, and still I have no results. I am exactly where I've been for the past six years.

I am still stuck at home with my borderline abusive father, doing all the chores as best as I can with very little praise for the effort while he comes home and passes out, and I have to accept that, because at least he's worked hard to feel so exhausted. I barely do anything except job applications and chores.

I had thought perhaps the answer was my boyfriend, eventually moving out to America to be with him, but uh...not anymore! thanks politics.

So now I just don't know what to do. I've run out of things to try, and I don't want to be another example of an autistic person driven to the Worst Outcome, but I don't know how much longer I can bear being like this without any change.

I'd appreciate any suggestions from anyone who's been where I am and managed to scrabble out of the pit.

In a relationship that seems perfect from the outside, it's funny how there can be an undercurrent of secrets just beneath the surface. My boyfriend, Jake, is everything I thought I'd ever wanted: charming, funny, and incredibly attentive. He knows how to make me laugh, how to listen when I need to vent, and he seems to genuinely care about my feelings. But there’s a layer of my life that he knows nothing about, and I question whether I should ever reveal it to him. Have you ever felt trapped by your own secrets, teetering on the edge of wanting to share but terrified of the fallout?

For the past year, I’ve been living with a burden that’s becoming increasingly heavy. Before I met Jake, I had a different life filled with reckless choices and a wild side that is almost entirely hidden from him. When I think about those times, I can't help but feel a twinge of embarrassment. I was carefree but also naïve, often putting myself in precarious situations that could have gone horribly wrong. It was the kind of life that seemed exciting at the time but ultimately lacked substance. As I delve into this side of myself, I realize how juxtaposed it is with the woman I’ve become since being with him. Would he still love me if he discovered what I had done, or would he see me in a completely different light, one that I can’t control?

The catalysts for my decision to hide this side of me were many. My past includes nights out that ended in chaos, relationships that were toxic, and moments where I put myself at risk, all in the name of fun and adventure. But I want to be seen as a responsible adult, someone who has their life on track. I carefully crafted a narrative to present to Jake; one where I’m a woman who’s made some mistakes but has learned from them, rather than a wild child who danced on the edge of danger. I often wonder if I'm betraying his trust by not being transparent about my history. Is holding back information simply an act of self-preservation, or is it a deceitful act in itself?

Moreover, I often find myself questioning the future we might have together. Will this secret haunt me, or at some point, will I feel compelled to share the truth? When we talk about our dreams and plans for the future, I can see us building a life together filled with happiness and love. But will I always carry the fear of him finding out on my shoulders? Would his perspective on ‘us’ change if he knew the entirety of my past? I can't help but to think: how would you respond if you found out your partner had a side they kept hidden? Would you view them through a lens of judgment or understanding, or would it make you question their integrity?

The thing is, I love Jake and appreciate the stability he brings to my life, but the shadows of my past loom over me, whispering that I am not the person he thinks I am. There’s a nagging sense of hypocrisy in presenting myself as someone who’s grown past that old life when parts of me still feel that urge for freedom and recklessness. Still, I choose to remain silent, at least for now. The thought of losing him terrifies me more than my own memories. Yet I am left wondering: is it fair to keep this piece of myself hidden, or is a relationship built on half-truths worth having at all?

This is really dumb. I played a game before covid and throughout it and it helped me a lot. I’m on ft rn with my boyfriend (who is very supportive and sweet) but is playing a new game which is just like the old one (you probably can guess) and I mentioned it and he basically said it sucked. I said it was a game I loved and he just kinda tore it down which was new. Idk maybe I’m just reading in to much and I’ve been very emotional due to birth control lmao

I used to think hard work and performance actually meant something, but now? I give up. Every day at my job, it’s less about who does the best work and more about who checks the right boxes. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I’m just showing up, doing my best, and watching people get ahead for reasons that have nothing to do with skill or effort. At first, I tried to ignore it. I thought, Okay, just focus on your own progress, keep your head down, and things will even out. But they don’t. Instead of real career development, all we get is more “woke” initiatives, endless diversity trainings, and company-wide emails patting themselves on the back for promoting people based on identity instead of talent. Don’t get me wrong—I believe in fairness, equal chances, all that. But that’s not what this is. It’s not about fairness; it’s about looking good on paper. I’ve watched coworkers bust their ass for years, only to get passed over for someone less experienced because “we need more representation in leadership.” It’s like performance doesn’t matter anymore—just optics. And it’s exhausting pretending it doesn’t get to me.

I’ve worked so hard to get where I am, but lately, I’m asking myself why? If the promotions, raises, and recognition are going to people based on factors completely outside of their work, then what’s the point? Every meeting feels like another round of performative nonsense. We can’t even talk about improving sales or efficiency without someone throwing in a forced social angle, as if productivity is suddenly a dirty word. And don’t even get me started on the “optional” events that aren’t really optional—if you don’t attend the latest DEI seminar or pride workshop, you’re suddenly not a “team player.” Meanwhile, the actual job we’re here to do keeps getting harder, expectations keep rising, and the only thing that isn’t improving is the people actually running things. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this new version of the workplace, but at this point, I don’t care anymore. I’ve seen what gets rewarded and what doesn’t, and it’s clear that playing fair isn’t the way to win. So yeah—I give up. Not because I can’t keep up, but because I’m tired of pretending this system makes any sense.

To my stalkers.They will never see me speak and talk to me in person until they die. They will never meet me in person. They will never know how great I am in person and how funny I am and all those wonderful things. Lol.

I stand I front of myself in the mirror, tears blurring the vision of the dress I tried on. It was a looser fit than before, but not lose enough. The contents of my stomach always emptied not so long after meals, lost somewhere in the pipes that rest beneath my house. And I stare at my bruised frame, cursing myself for the damage I am causing to myself. All because the only thing I want to feel is pretty. I make myself sick because I know this is all wrong. I know because it is only reassurance that I have gained over the years. Yes i’m aware I need to come to terms with my body, love myself unconditionally and all that, but I don’t. I can’t.

The recent tension between my husband, Ben, and me has been quite intense, and it's left me wondering if I'm acting unreasonably or not.

Two months ago, we welcomed our first child, a beautiful daughter named Emily. Transitioning into motherhood has been a mix of joy and chaos. Throughout my pregnancy, Ben was a pillar of strength and continually reassured me that he'd be an active participant in Emily’s early life, especially during the exhausting initial months.

Before Emily's arrival, Ben and his buddies had been organizing a men-only getaway this summer—a trip to a mountain cabin for a week of hiking, fishing, and lots of male bonding. While they discussed their plans, I’d pointed out that Emily would still be very young, and caring for her would be demanding. Ben promised that if it became too challenging, he would skip the trip to stay home with us. I held onto his words.

However, caring for Emily turned out to be tougher than we thought. The sleep deprivation, difficulties with breastfeeding, and the general adjustment to being new parents have been overwhelming for me. While Ben has been supportive, the enthusiasm he still holds for his upcoming trip is undeniable.

I brought up the subject last week, asking Ben if he could potentially skip the getaway, reminding him of his earlier commitment. He was taken aback and somewhat hurt by my request. He confessed his anticipation for the escape with his friends, emphasizing that he too needed a break. He suggested that his parents, who live close by, could assist me during his absence.

While I get that Ben might need time to unwind, I feel abandoned during a period when I need his support the most. I tried explaining that his parents' assistance, though valuable, isn't the same as his presence. But he argued that canceling now was unfair considering the planning involved with his friends. He assured me that he would ensure I had adequate support in his absence, but I felt let down.

Our disagreement has only grown, leaving us at odds with each other. Some friends suggest I should allow him the trip, noting it’s crucial for him to have a break, especially with the new stresses of fatherhood. However, others side with me, believing he should stay, given the promises he made and our current needs.

Am I wrong for asking Ben to cancel his "bro’s only" trip to help with our newborn, considering his earlier promise to do so?

If this ordeal were part of a reality TV show, one could imagine the drama and diverse opinions swirling around us. Cameras would capture every emotional plea and strained conversation. Viewers might see me as overbearing or deeply misunderstood, sparking debates and drawing sympathy or criticism alike, depending on the portrayed angle.

My cat goes outdoors and a month ago his brother who lived three houses from ours passed away from a tragic accident with a car. So, I think it’s too risky for her to go out but sometimes she can’t help it. I was wondering how can I change this behaviour?

Last week, I underwent significant surgery. Currently, I'm convalescing at home, instructed by doctors to take a two-week break from work, with a suggestion to slowly resume normal activities over the course of four to six weeks.

Unexpectedly, yesterday evening, my partner revealed that his son is hosting a sleepover with five friends tonight. It's already Saturday here. I was completely blindsided by this information; he had agreed to the sleepover without discussing it with me first, and it wasn't even for any particular occasion.

When I confronted him, feeling quite disturbed, I questioned why he would arrange such an event without my prior consent, especially at a time when I'm recuperating from major surgery. He dismissed it by saying he didn't believe it would impact me and admitted he had simply forgotten to mention it.

Overwhelmed by emotions, I broke down, expressing how neglected and uncared for I felt, given my current state of health. He persisted in underestimating the situation, suggesting that if it truly bothered me, I could spend the night at my mother’s place. Unable to bear the thought of a noisy household, and despite medical advice against driving, I packed my bags and drove to my mother’s house.

He has since sent me texts accusing me of overreacting, still failing to grasp the gravity of the situation. How can he not see the disturbance caused by having five teenagers over in a house with only one bathroom, and their gathering space right next to our bedroom where I need peace for recovery?

Now, in the silence of my mother's home, I ponder, was it wrong for me to leave immediately? Shouldn’t he, instead, have postponed the sleepover to a more appropriate time?

Imagine this scenario playing out in a reality show setting—cameras capturing every emotional outpouring and the tension palpable in the air as disagreements unfold. Would the audience be split in their opinions, or would they rally behind me, empathizing with my need for quiet and rest during such a critical recovery period?

So, I have this ex, right? We've been in this super on-again-off-again thing, which honestly has been nothing but a theater of drama. Now get this—the other day, while fuming down the street about some misunderstanding, they bumped into my neighbor. This neighbor loves drama, apparently, as they've now swapped social media info and begun chatting. My ex got asked out, but hasn't accepted... yet.

Even though I don't particularly care about them dating, the thought bothers me somewhat because I've learned the hard way about keeping a safe, respectful distance from neighbors. It's just way too complex when you mix it too close, and neighbors are kinda unavoidable, aren't they? So, when I heard about this budding friendship, I had to admit it creeped me out. I just wish they'd keep things more distant and respectful regarding my personal space.

My ex, well, they're just in their early darting into adulthood and haven't really got a grip on how to navigate emotions or understand the necessity for healthy boundaries. Basically, their handle on their emotions is like a kite in a tornado. When something sets them off, it's not just a small show—it’s premium drama, and sometimes even a bit destructive.

Honestly, bringing this character flaw into consideration, I'm really worried. If this person has a history of making my life a melodrama series and now they're in touch with my neighbor, who knows what kind of mess might get started? My gut tells me this could spiral into another chapter of unwanted chaos, or worse, it could turn into a subtle game of emotional manipulation, given our rocky past.

Reflecting on all this, it makes me ponder—would it be completely out of line to ask someone you’re dating (or in my case, used to date) to not mingle too closely with your neighbors? Is it appropriate to ask them to withhold sharing too much personal info with people so close to home?

Imagine this scenario playing out on a reality TV show; the tensions, the alignments, the unexpected twists. Viewers would be hooked on how every interaction is magnified, analyzing each character's moves, predicting the fallout. How would the audience react seeing this unfold live? Would they take sides, or call out the apparent manipulation tactics?

What do you think? Is maintaining such a boundary reasonable, or am I just overthinking the whole neighbor-ex dynamic?

so uhh, my friend, (we will call her purple) I love her, and I even got matching bracelets for us, which I NEVER do! and guess what? my other friend (we will call him blue) STARTED DATING HER TODAY. I NEVER TOLD ANYONE I LIKE HER, AND GUESS WHAT? THE ONE I LOVE IS TAKEN FROM MY FRIEND, AND I CANT DO ANYTHIGN ABOUT THAT. ISNT IT GREAT? NO, ITS NOT. IT DOESNT FEEL GOOD, AND NOW IM GONNA HAVE TO LIVE THE NEXT YEARS OF SCHOOL LIKE THIS, KNOWING THAT THE ONE I LOVE IS TAKEN BY MY FRIEND. it hurts. it hurts so much. and I cant do anything about that. and if he ever sees or finds out a bout this, well then I'm sorry. I'm just so depressed knowing that she probably didn't even like me, and liked you instead. I know I sound jelous, or however you say it. but I already had a bad mental state, and this just got worse. #deppressionarc!