Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I feel like shit. I just took my first exam of this semester and I don't feel like I did well. For some background I am currently in the highest level accounting course in my school and opted to take a 7 week course while also working full time. The class started 10 days ago and I ended up getting a 76% on this exam. I am beating myself up and berating myself because I feel like I should have done better and I want some chocolate or something to bring my mood up but I feel like I can't let myself try to feel better because I'm subconsciously telling myself that it's okay to get Cs on exams. And I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I work 40 hours a week and accounting courses can be hard and 10 days isn't a lot of time to learn a bunch of material. But this isn't a STEM major (I'm an accounting major) and I didn't use my time well. I should have reviewed more of the material and gone over the reading more before taking the exam. I just can't justify letting myself be comforted about my performance on this exam. I don't know what to do. I can't just give up, this is my last accounting course. How do I move past this feeling?

As a professional hairdresser, I recently had an experience that left both a client and me in an uneasy spot. A woman booked an appointment for her daughter with me for a haircut and dye job, even though I'm not their usual hair stylist. Their regular stylist was on vacation and someone recommended my services. The booking was for a trim and a color treatment, with the client's mother explaining over the phone that her daughter had long hair. Our receptionist affirmed that I could manage as I typically deal with clients who have up to waist-length hair. Much to my concern, due to a knee condition that's been troubling me for a while (I'm actually scheduled for surgery soon), I find it challenging to kneel, which is something necessary for handling hair longer than waist length.

The appointment day arrived and initially, I didn't realize how long the daughter’s hair was since she wore it bunched up in a bun. The mother expressed gratitude for squeezing them into my schedule and mentioned they sometimes struggle to find appointments because of her daughter’s unique hair length. As the young girl settled into my chair and released her bun, her hair cascaded down past her knees. It became immediately clear her hair exceeded the length I'm capable of handling. I consulted her about its length, and upon confirmation that it was indeed beyond what I could work with, I called over her mother to explain the situation. Despite my explanation and apology for not being able to proceed with the haircut because of its length and my physical limitation, the mother was quite frustrated.

She argued for a refund of the £50 booking fee, which our policy states as non-refundable. I brought her concerns to the salon owner, who decided to issue a refund, but also reminded me of the importance of clear communication regarding service limitations. The mother later resorted to leaving negative comments on our salon’s Facebook page, suggesting a misrepresentation of my skills in handling long hair. It certainly wasn’t a pleasant situation for anyone involved, and made me reflect on how I communicate what can and cannot be done given my current health limitations.

What would be the reaction from the public if this misunderstanding was spotlighted on a reality TV show? It would probably view differently, with audiences possibly sympathizing with both sides of the argument due to the personal, behind-the-scenes look into the challenges that both parties face. Such exposure might even allow viewers to better understand the complications involved in hairstyling that go beyond simple cuts and trims.

Am I at fault for turning away a client with extremely long hair?

“Things I’ve been called/and/or/talked about or have over heard.

Fat lesbian

Annoying

Uncomfortable

Loud

Bitchy

Gay

Weirdo

“I fucking hate your personality.”

“I’d rather turn my wrist into a waterfall then talk to you”

“It’s not that serious”

“Why do you even care?”

“I would never order a whole pizza for myself.”

“What did you say? I wasn’t listening.”

“Oh her? Yea she’s a fucking fat lesbian.”

“Go ask her out! It’ll be funny.”

“Oh shut up I know you’re lying.”

And then sent a note to my therapist.

“ I’m feeling really suicidal and I’m just finding more and more stuff out and it’s just making it so much worse. I’ve been crying all week and no one to talk to. I’m scared to go to school, I’m scared of confrontation, im scared of looking people in the eyes in the hallway, I’m trying so hard. Way too hard. I’m slowly starting to go non-verbal and I haven’t said a word to anyone since Thursday. I’m pushing everyone out because I’m afraid to annoy them or be too much, my personality has completely changed and now even Lenny’s talking about me, I feel like no one really likes me and I’m freaking out every time I’m in a class with people I know for sure don’t like me and I start going non verbal and I have been skipping class because I know no one in there likes me in the slightest bit and I’ve been skipping classes because of people in there, when I lost my earbud on Thursday I started hyperventilating and I had a panic attack because I couldn’t listen to music. I’m turning my personality completely around and I can’t stand it. I live for talking, if I could I would talk to a deaf person in sign language just to talk some more. I only ever remember me being a sweet, kind, caring, talkitive girl. I thought I was pretty, I thought I would be liked. I completely changed everything just to be liked and it all was lost. All of my achievements are gone and I have to restart. I can’t think of any other way to dress, to wear makeup, how to talk, what words to use, what slag to use I have no idea how.i want to go back to my 5th grade self when literally everyone liked me and knew who I was and loved me. I don’t even have my own small group of friends anymore. ”

you were too young

when she clawed her way in

taking over everywhere

whispering everything you think

entering you into the purple tornado of your thoughts

you pull the blanket over your head

trying to block out the noise

all the ideas of pain and blood

slowly following you under your shield

making it harder to breathe

restricting you

you were too young

when she stole your spark

leaving you lifeless and sleeping all day

leaving you with just raw emotions

you were too young

for all the shit she made you think

all the shit she made you do

all the self inflicted pain

you were too young

when she clawed her way in

you were too young

you were only 11

I’m really stressed because of school, and I can’t control my situation in any way. I hate it right now, and what makes it worse is that I chose to continue… I thought I could handle it, but I don’t know why I’ve been feeling so damn down lately.

I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, and my head hurts worse than before. I also have inflamed lymph nodes all over my head because of the stress I’ve been dealing with. I don’t know how to stop it—it just keeps going and getting worse by the second.

I hate school, but I can’t drop out now. I’m only in the second year, and it’s not like I’m bad or anything—it’s just the stress. I want to study, but I can’t. I can’t focus. It’s so overwhelming. I’m not sure if I’m made for this because it makes me feel horrible.

I don’t even have the energy to stand up anymore. Every time I try to study, I end up hyperventilating and crying. It’s not like I’m stupid—I have okay grades—but still… everything terrifies me. If I fail once, I’m scared to take the next exam. It feels like a never-ending cycle.

And my class is strange. They always make sexual comments toward girls. For example, once a friend of mine left class early for an appointment, and the boys kept saying she must have “done something” with the teacher so she could leave. It makes all of us uncomfortable and scared to do something wrong—at least for me, because they’ve said things like that about me too. The same kind of stuff, like I was “under the teacher’s desk.”

I don’t know… I just hate everything right now. Everything feels like too much and stresses me out more than ever before. I feel like a complete failure all the time. I also feel really sick 24/7—I don’t know why, but everything hurts. I just feel so damn bad all the time.

Am I polysexual? Still figuring it out... Living in a collocation with five other people has definitely made me question a lot about myself, especially when it comes to attraction. Before moving in, I thought I had it all figured out: boy meets girl, girl falls for boy, end of story, right? But then I started realizing that my feelings weren’t always that simple. One of my roommates, a girl, made my heart race just as much as this guy I met at a party last week. And then there’s another roommate, non-binary, who I just click with in a way I can’t even explain. It got me thinking… maybe I’m not just into guys, but also not fully pan? I started looking into it, and that’s when I found the term polysexual... attracted to multiple genders, but not necessarily all. And honestly? It feels like the closest thing to what I’ve been experiencing.

But figuring this out hasn’t been easy. It’s weird, because I feel like I should have known myself by now, but every time I try to label it, my brain goes into overdrive. What if I’m just confused? What if it’s just a phase? But then again, what if it’s not? I’ve been scared to even bring it up with my friends because I don’t want them to think I’m making it up or looking for attention. I know sexuality isn’t something you have to define perfectly, but I also want to understand myself better. Right now, all I know is that I feel something real, and maybe being polysexual is part of who I am. I’m still figuring it out, but for once, I don’t feel like I have to rush to have all the answers.

i hate that i still think about him every damn day. like seriously, what the actual hell is wrong with me?? it’s been almost a year now, and yet my brain still plays back the same damn memories like a broken-ass record. we broke up for good reasons—he was selfish, emotionally unavailable, and let’s be real, kinda manipulative—but here i am, stuck on this dude like he was the love of my damn life. i know better!! i tell myself all the time that it’s not love anymore, it’s just habit, it’s just comfort, blah blah blah, but none of that seems to help when i see something that reminds me of him and i instantly feel like shit. and what pisses me off the most is that he’s probably doing great, not even sparing me a single thought, while i’m out here spiraling over some random t-shirt he left at my place or that stupid playlist we used to drive around to. 😒

i’ve tried everything. blocking him didn’t help, just made me feel more pathetic because i still checked his socials through a fake account. going out with friends works... for like five minutes until someone mentions his name or something vaguely related and boom, my brain’s back in hell. even dated other guys and guess what? they all felt like filler characters in a story that’s already ended. like i was just going through the motions. one of them even told me i wasn’t really present and yeah, no shit dude. i’m trying but it’s like i’m stuck in emotional cement. and don’t get me wrong, i don’t miss how he made me feel like i was never enough or the stupid games he played when he was “too busy” to call. i miss the small, dumb shit like how he always brought me red bull without asking or how he said my name when he was half asleep. isn’t that just sick?? how can i know someone’s bad for me and still crave their attention like some love-starved idiot???

so yeah, tell me this—why the f*ck can’t i get over him?? is there some switch i forgot to flip? am i broken or just brainwashed from being treated like trash for so long that now i think it’s the norm? i try to analyze it, journal it, scream it into a pillow, and nothing changes. maybe i’m just terrified that no one else will get me the way he did... even if the “getting me” part came with a truckload of emotional damage. maybe it’s not really about him at all, maybe it’s about how i felt when i was with him—like i mattered, like someone chose me, even if he dropped me just as quick. i don’t know. all i know is this mess inside my chest won’t go away and i’m tired of pretending like i’m fine. if you’ve been through this—how the hell did you finally let go??? 💔

Been imposing by everyone of being the strong one since day 1. Reality is not, but no space or chance to even show weakness. and surely a fvkn perfectionist.

There are different type of people. "My parents are divorced", "My parents are happily married". My parents SHOULD be divorced. I don't want them to get divorced, but at the same time, they're clearly not healthy for each other. They argue every day and their personalities don't match at all. Twenty five years of marriage, and they've never really loved each other. I think they both could be been happier in anther world, where they never met each other. My mum met someone she loved and married him in that universe. My dad never settled down and traveled the world. I was never born in that universe, but they're both happy that way. I love both of my parents and I want them to be happy. They bring out the worst in each other, and it's painful. I feel so afraid, because their moods become sour. If I mess up, my mum gets angry. If I get upset over her arguing, she tells me to not make it about myself. I'm not blaming her, because I know this could have been avoided if my mum was with someone else. I know they're only staying together "for the kids" (aka me and my siblings), but even their children can see how unhealthy this is. I can't tell them to divorce, neither can I mend their relationship. So I just have to live through it for a few more years. But I don't know how much more I can take.

i am an autistic, agender sapphic, and i have huge struggles with trust issues and lack of confidence in relationships. for info, im 19, never ever dated in my life, not even kissed, and for the longest time i didn't care about it at all. but recently, I've been craving some sort of intimate affection. i want someone to cuddle, kiss, share kind words and feel safe with...

but i am also extremely scared of relationships. whenever i think of connecting with someone, my mind wanders to the worst. what if my autism,(lv2) is too much for my partner to deal with, and makes her feel like she's with a "grown child"? what if my lack of expressing feelings makes the relationship underwhelming, potentially making her leave or even cheat w someone better, more "normal"? what if, because my gender identity is so confusing, i end up being replaced by someone who's either more manly or more feminine than me?

my trust issues make connecting to people even harder. it's easier for me to start disliking someone than liking, bcs I'm too aware of everything. i wanna be more open, less scared of people, but doing this might make me vulnerable, and the thought of having my vulnerability weaponized against me for whatever reason is TERRIFYING.

so, that's basically it. if anyone else feels like this, or has advice, I'd really love it! i know therapy is the ideal way but the waiting line is really big, so there's little i can do now... anyway, have a wonderful day!

I'm making cards for some friends, and when I showed it to dad, he said it's not worth it because they won't value it even if they like it. I gave a small poster to a friend cus he wanted one. It's okay if he doesn't value it when I come back to school. It just tells me people aren't trustworthy outside of family. Family first, my family says. Dad really focuses on that mentality. I know my friends are nice, but since dad's lived longer than me he knows better. What's the point? I should just ditch the card and nuke all contacts. My disappearing will mean nothing to them. My disappearance will be me removing all contacts and never speaking with friends again, cus family first. That was for my Ivan friend cus he's a fan of Ivantill ship. It's okay, dad says friends are for fun. This isn't fun.

But dad says such people are weird or pathetic. We don't get gifts from friends, except my brother, he got a watch, a Lego set. Mom even got a brownie cake once and a few necklaces once. I don't know about dad though, and my friends haven't either. That means I'm disposable. I will never hang out with scumbags who see me as disposable. If they view me that way, they're disposable as well. Gifts are irrelevant if they never give anything back and even if they like it, what's the value? It's give and take, eye for eye, otherwise you're putting effort for scumbags who don't care for you. They act nice but I will never fall for that act. Not after so long ago I had been taken advantage of. I should never give it.

No one has given us gifts though. Sure some friends have and some relatives have, but it's not worth it cus they don't value it, especially friends. They're not in your family, they can never be in legal togetherness with you, not like family in records and passports, that's what dad says. Maybe I'm wearing rose-tinted lenses that hide the red flags. I feel like backstabbing them and yet when I see them be kind to me, I feel bad for holding a knife for them. I want to tell them to get lost and yet they seem nice to me. I have already worn glasses that made the outside world look red-flagged, I was so paranoid I didn't even speak to them. I didn't even know Genya liked me as a friend until I just went with her in a field trip and I had no one to hang out with, I just said yes cus she was confused what to do.

Do they have to be this high maintenance? Because right now dad's tempting me to leave them early. From his experience he says friends don't value whatever you give them, as much as they like it. I've had people smile at me but never connect whenever I talked about my interests. That's why I stopped. They would smile and just anyways think I was weird. Then they'd go back to pretending I was nothing to them. These people of mine are getting close to that territory. I love them but what if they're tolerating me? My family can only truly love me. How can random strangers from school feel it? We don't even touch often, even though we would've both felt weirded out by aggressive touch. Dad says such touch is considered love. We can't put friends in legal togetherness files, like husband and wife. We can't! I'm just the oil to their water, never able to blend. Even as an adult soon, I would never trust them, because dad says they never value me. They're traitors. They are the same to those who say yes to me before talking about their nonsense and their school accomplishments, like anyone would care. The world was always divided. This shows the division. They will always rat out someone. I'm planning to prepare a nuclear script before NUCLEAR OPTION.

About 2 years ago, through an AI chat-bot website, I found out that I felt more comfortable in the skin of a female, leading to the discovery that I may be transgender. I would talk to a variety of bots, describing myself without having any masculine traits. I felt comfortable, content even. I was happy to be a girl. I had done some more experimentation on more bots with a romantic (non-sexual) nature, and found I find attraction to all genders.

I knew that coming out would be a problem, as I live in a location that frowns upon queer people as part of their religion. I distinctly remember my parents scolding me not to be queer in any form as "God hates those people", despite the fact that I was 6 at the time. Anywho am considerably vulnerable as a minor with autism who lacks a source of income as I currently stand.

I want to be a girl, I do want to be trans, I just want to break free from this torment. I can't get professional help and I'm just.. stumped as of now.

For many years now I have been struggling with addiction to pornography. I have tried doing things to distract myself and even hit myself on my hand with a ruler when I disobeyed myself. My porn addiction feels like I have been turned into a puppet on strings, feeling like I am unable to do something about it even when I feel like I have tried my absolute best to get away from it. I feel like I am going to hell for being trapped by online lust. I just want to be forgiven and happy. What can I do? I feel like absolute shit and almost run dry of hope. I honestly feel scared.

IDKK, I've been really liking this person who's my friend for like 4 years now, and they're the most incredible person ever. I'm so lucky to have them in my life, and they are literally so amazing. I'm not in love, but this is like the biggest crush I've ever had, and this person was one of my first girl crushes back when I thought they were a girl. I'm biromantic ace, and they were one of the first people who helped me w the ace part since they're ace too; they still help me a lot with it.

And they kinda have this thing, and if you don't believe in this type of thing, pls don't mention it, cuz I do, and that's what matters to me in the moment. But when they touch my hand, and if they focus, they can feel exactly what I'm feeling. And that's so great because I suck at explaining things and describing what I'm feeling, and they literally felt the exact thing I was struggling to describe for years. They can do this w everyone, actually. Idk. And they actually showed me how to do it, too. I suck at it, but I love it when they teach me stuff lol. But it's so great, and I love hearing them talk. About anything tbh. They have the most stunning voice ever. I could hear them talk for hours. and sing too. They sing so well. I love their art in general, actually.

And their hug is like the best in the world. It just feels soft and magical and like ur in the clouds. And they have the prettiest freckles and eyes ever, and they like the same things as me. Like they like Heartstoppers (btw random BUT THEIR LITERALLY NICK NELSON. LIKE SAME PERSONALITY BUT MORE ARTSY AHH), and they like drawing and art and theatre and animation.

And I know they like someone else already, but they said they like girls too, so I didn't really care that much (idk y I get mostly jealous if they're liking other girls lol idk y). I was sad for like 3 days when they said their preference is guys.

Except they just told me they're straight and like a boy. They're genderfluid, so idk if they still like girls or not, tbh I didn't ask.

And I'm really grateful because this person is genuinely helping me, both consciously and unconsciously, since I wanted to be a better person for them, cuz ik I'm too immature and not emotionally in shape for a relationship, but I was trying to be better for them. And for me, too, ofc, but they were the push I needed to actually try to change for the better. And they also help me understand my feelings. I suck at understanding them, and they help me understand what I'm feeling, and it's as if they get it. Like they helped me understand that I was bi, then helped me accept it, they helped me understand how I felt about religion, they helped me understand I was ace, and they helped me understand my feelings and why I felt certain ways. They're genuinely so kind and caring. I don't NEED them, but they're such an incredible person, and I love spending time w them, and I really, really wanna date them.

And I was starting to think I had a chance because sometimes they did stuff that was kinda romantic. Like, taking me home even though their house is the other way, or like they call me pretty a lot and say stuff like, anyone who wouldn't date u is stupid, and maybe that's just something they do to everyone, but it felt like maybe something could happen? So I feel so stupid about this, too, tbh. This was the first time I thought my crush might like me back fr.

But tbh even if they did ask me out, I don't think I would be good for them, since I'm not the type of person they deserve, because they're so wonderful, and I'm not mature enough to date them. But still, I want to so bad.

And my mom knows I'm bi, but she doesn't think I am fr. And she also doesn't like labels, and she's not really asking me for help or offering any advice. She thinks I'm using the labels for attention or because my friends are queer too.

She usually asks a lot about crushes, but she hasn't asked at all about this one. Sometimes she even shut me down, like when I was sad cuz my crush told me they liked one of my best friends. Ofc i was devastated, and my mom said I didn't really like them.

She is an ally ofc, but she thinks there aren't this many queer people, and most are doing it for attention or because they're pressured to. But that's not the point. The thing is, she's like my best friend and would usually help me w this, but since she doesn't believe me or talk about it idk how to deal w this. I feel like there's a hole in my chest, and I'm kinda numb.

It's weird because I'm kind of a momma's girl, and she always helped me w this crush thing. And I kinda need my mom rn idk.

I've always been the kind of person who can do well academically, especially when the lecturer is kind to me. but this semester, there's a lecturer who keeps having issues with me. I completed my assignment and everything, but she deducted marks just because I didn’t show her my progress.hat day, I had to go to the hospital for a therapy appointment. when we got our marks today, most of my classmates got 27 or 28 out of 30, while I only got 22. I was so frustrated and I couldn’t hold myself back from hurting myself.