Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Job opportunities had been slipping away from me recently, making it nearly impossible to secure a position due to the expanding void on my CV. To bridge this hiatus, I've started volunteering at a regional nonprofit organization.

Does this make me a bad individual because my motives aren't completely selfless? I mean, I'm trying to patch up my resume and keep my skills sharp too.

I wonder what would happen if this whole scenario unfolded on a reality TV show. Would the audience judge me for leveraging volunteer work to enhance my job prospects? Or would they support my approach to keeping active and contributing to society in whatever way I can, even if part of the reason is self-serving? It’s strange to think about how perspectives might shift under the spotlight of public scrutiny.

its like no one understands me or my struggles. sounds like im a pick me but its true. ive got no one to talk to, to trust. everyone would tell the nearest asshole about how "emo" i am for my struggles. my country does not take self harm well. youd get called out in your schools hallways or get called emo constantly. most adult tell you youre seeking attention and ignore your struggles. i constantly self harm. it calms me down seeing the blood drip from my arms. i have always loved blood, i dont know why. ive always intentionally made myself bleed to drink it. or just to look at it. maybe its cause my experience with hostpitals from a young age. my sister got terminally sick when i was 5. i was in and out of school to visit her. she went to hostpitals all over the country. my family once forgot me in a hostpital. but ive been there so much that i practically knew my way around. nurses were always sweet and kind. always had a look of pity because of my sister. they knew she would never make it. maybe people would understand a litle if they knew my whole story. but no one ever looks at the big picture. they just look at the ugly parts AND THEN HAVE THE AUDACITY TO JUDGE YOU. i hate people, idc if this gets rejected atleast someone read it if it did.

I think I have an website idea, (or SAAS) and I think it has potential, but I’m not too good of making websites, so my question is that is there a way I can find someone who is willing to do like I partnership, like idk how to explain it. Like they will NOT be getting paid first cause it’s not ur typical employment, like we both could like own the website they design and build it . I give ideas. They could even give ideas. Since we both own it. Like abd then when it actually starts making money we both have the income . So at first we both will be working on the website and we will just see how it grows. I am tryna find this person online

One day, our neighbor came over and mentioned he was thinking about trimming the trees between our properties since they mostly grew on his side. I was a bit surprised but told him that the trees were fine on our side. We liked the greenery and had a few families of cardinals living in the trees and bushes. I thanked him for bringing it up and he assured me that he’d trim them lightly. I emphasized that he didn't need to trim our side at all.

I thought I was saving my neighbor some money and trouble by not worrying about our side of the trees.

A week later, we came home to find the trees along our property line completely butchered. He had cut every bit of green off those poor trees. Now we have a clear view of his messy backyard, and we've lost the sound barrier for when he’s out there playing (badly) the guitar. The cardinals are gone; they probably found new nests elsewhere. To make things worse, our neighbor hired his friend’s kids to do the trimming, and they left a huge pile of branches and debris in our yard. Our neighbor knows we are recovering from a fire and lack the tools and vehicle to clean up the mess ourselves—nor should we have to.

He left our yard a mess and didn’t even offer to clean it up. It stayed that way for three weeks.

When the leaves started falling, I went out to rake. I'll admit I was PMSing and this is a bit immature, but each branch that was too big to fit in my leaf bag, I just tossed right over what was left of our living fence and back into his yard.

Yesterday, the neighbor texted my husband asking if we threw the branches over and complaining that he hurt his back and can’t get out there to pick them up. My husband got flustered and lied about kids running through the yards. I say, "FUCK THAT, YES, I threw those branches back into his yard." I know I could have handled this better, but honestly, I was really pissed that he cut down all our greenery after we asked him to leave it and then left a huge mess for us to clean up. So the branches were fine to leave in OUR yard, but he couldn’t possibly clean them up if they are in HIS yard. Am I the only one seeing it this way? I hate that I put my husband in this position, but I think it’s best to be honest. Plus, I think I’m totally right! Am I wrong here?

I wonder how people would react if this situation was on a reality show. Would viewers think I overreacted or would they side with me, understanding my frustration and the mess our neighbor left us with?

you really would destroy others’ lives simply so you’re a little happier, huh? you don’t give a FUCK about how others feel unless its how they feel about YOU. don’t try and deny that. you’re not doing it to change, you’re doing it to make a change in our lives. you’re trying to uproot our lives so you can be the oh-so dramatic friend that is unpredictable. you think our lives are some GAME, don’t you? you think that because you had your big exit means we suddenly don’t give a fuck. BUT WE DO. nothing is changing that. you can say “oh please don’t be mad at me” all you want but if you’re hurting and destroying others who genuinely care about you so YOU can have brand new friends who your fuckass brother won’t complain about then maybe we have the right to be angry. fuck you.

OK so back in july i was talking to this boy named apple ok and me and him started talking after me and this boy named cookie broke up like 3 weeks ago at that time. SO we were in a talking stage for like a month but it was on and off bc i got grounded. But at the fair when i was hanging out with these 2 girls i saw him at the fair and i didn't recgonize him until like 2 days aftre l But when i got ungrounded we did IT and unfortunatley my mom found out and she blocked him without yk me knowing until like 5 days later. Fast forward like 4 months later after me and this boy lets call cactus broke up apple added me on snap on thanksgiving day saying happy thanksgiving and i was like "y did u add me?" and apple was like "ïdek how i added u im js drunk rn" So a week later my friend lets call her red head she showed me the ss of apple saying he wants a round 2 with me. but reminder he has a gf moving forward i asked him if it was true and at first apple was like no comment denying it and then he said yes. So that day i got his number and we talked. But the next day we did IT. But before we did It i was like "wouldnt it be cheating like she loves u like really loves you" and apple was like " ït wont be cheating if she doesnt see or find out" Just to be clear i knew his gf lets call her bunny back in janurary bc she followed me on tik tok first and she used to be close bsfs with my cousin before she moved schools. So apple would like talk bad ab bunny to me on call and when he was arguing with bunny over text when he was on call with me and he told me that they were arguing bc of the ss that my friend red head told and showed bunny. And apple was like gaslighting bunny and was like saying that red head edited the ss and that bunny was delusional. So 3 weeks later i texted bunny lettiing her know what happened before she finds out by some1 else and just to be a girls girls and she decided to be VERY DELUSIONAL and called me weird and dumb even tho shes still with him. Bunny was like "It doesn't matter if it was his idea you still went to his house" Like girl what??!! but they are still together. now So im gonna crash out bc apple gaslighted her again EVEN THO HE SAID THAT HE DIDN'T EVEN WANT HER AND COULDN'T BREAK UP WITH HER BC OF HER OLDER BROTHER AND HIS GRANDMA, But the thing is after me and cactus broke up apple and cactus were friends AND WAS HANGING OUT BRO THEY BOTH WORK AT APPLESBEES 2. But they are opps now so idek. ALSO APPLE LITERALLY VENTED TO ME AB HIS WHOLE BACKSTORY LIFE AND HIS DAD WHAT??! Btw apple wanted a round 2 with me bc he found out bunny (his gf) was talking to her ex again apparantley and when he confronted her she lied to his face. But he also told me that he was lowkey thinkin ab a round 2 when me and cactus was dating.

I'm taking care of a 4-month-old puppy for a week, and I want to know some advice for it.

Thanks.

I love my best friend. He's kind, sweet, amazing, and he listens and understands me so well. But I can't have him... I can't express any love besides platonic love for him cause he knows I have a bf and is friends with him. (my bf is cool if I date or like other people in our relationship.) I'm in love with my best friend, he treats me well, treats me nicely, and gosh, he's so cute. I don't know what to do, I love this boy with all my heart and we've known each other for years now. I want to tell him how I feel just so he can just reject me and I get over it more easily, but I don't want to ruin our friendship. What should I do?

I feel a little annoyed. I have nothing to do. I'm on vacation. Tomorrow should be a day I plan to go to work, but vacation takes me out of my routine. It's not something I enjoy. I loved being there at work. I felt like they were forcing my mind to focus on something else. Without work, I feel like my days will be the same, that I won't face anything new. Being alone in my house fills me.

The solitude of my house is overwhelming. I don't feel like reading or writing anything, even though I have that hobby, because I'm flooded with ideas. It's not a question of therapy, which has me very disappointed. I haven't been lucky enough to find a good therapist either. It saddens me not to have relationships that go beyond work.

There are two girls I interact with. Work is the only place where I have relationships because on the outside, they're barely a one-off contact, even though there are intentions from beyond. These girls only interact within the workplace, and the approaches that are appropriate for such events always involve the fear of losing out on a matter beyond the workplace.

I feel very sad. I have no one to talk to. I won't talk to my coworker or my boss, with whom I felt that supportive company. I enjoyed their games, their considerations, and those scoldings that reinforced order. I felt protected by this, as well as by higher-ranking authorities, who I feel respect me in a loving way. When I'm at home, it's just me.

My father may be there, who is the only person I count on, but I have to admit that nothing is the same for him. I barely see him once a week, and it's only to maintain the relationship as a means of supporting me with income. It's something I feel hypocritical about, although lately I've tried to keep contact brief so as not to raise as many hopes as possible for a future beyond such encounters, for a closeness that could pave the way for us together. These meetings, precisely, allow us to emphasize that everyone is on their own, as long as the economic issue is present, since otherwise it will become a struggle in which there will be attempts to disrupt each other's routine, just as meetings would be more numerous each week.

Frankly, I loved being at work. Now, my only friends these days are my walks, the television, and access to the internet, nothing more, where no one speaks to me knowing it's me, but instead I rejoice in more knowledge, which, for the one I have, is already overwhelming due to the fact that it creates a distance from others, which has long since tired me out. I have to admit that distancing myself from my reflections has given me the benefit of being more in touch with others, due to the fact that I don't sophisticate my language. However, I feel this has been a betrayal on my part, since I truly enjoy such a matter.

I love my husband very much. He's always been there for me and he's very supportive and I feel very fortunate to him in my life. That being said he also has some neurotic tendencies. I'm well aware of them and I'm pretty sure he's had them since forever. His parents have kind of warned me about them but I'm a very understanding person and for the most part I can easily address his tendencies and then kind of calm him down.

I'm also somewhat positive that he's probably on the spectrum and refuses to get tested because of the negative connotations. I was recently tested and I'm on the spectrum as well, high functioning but it just helps explain some of my unique tendencies.

Some of his "tendencies" are also linked to separation anxiety or abandonment issues. I don't know where they stem from I just know that when we are separate from each other, his actions feel exacerbated.

He's away at a conference right now and he always gets super clingy when he's away. I don't do anything different and just live my life how I do everyday but he's always blowing up my phone and if I don't pick up or respond to his text, he gets super clingy and worried, and like even more clingy than before. If I don't pick up his text messages or his phone calls, he will check my location just to make sure I am where I say I am. I've never cheated on him, I will not cheat on him. I have been cheated on before and I think it's terrible. When we first entered our relationship 8 years ago, We express to each other that we had both been cheated on and that it's something we would never do to each other. We both agree that if we want out of the relationship, it's easier to tell the other person that rather than to play with their emotions . We also have a very open and honest communication relationship. We talk daily and we tell each other everything. It does not bother me, it's like we are best friends.

Right now, we are also in the stages of buying a house. While he was away I noticed a house that popped up on the market and I reached out to a realtor because I I thought it would be good to tour it before someone else makes an offer on it. The house is great. It matches all of our needs and while I was touring the house with my agent, I also had the pleasure of being on my phone with my husband through FaceTime. I didn't necessarily want to FaceTime him and I wanted to experience the house but he was adamant that I walk through the house with him. When we finish walking through the house I thought maybe we should put through an offer because it does meet all of our needs and it's in our price point. My husband was adamant that we need to tour it again with him in person before we put down an offer. I told our agent that I would prefer if she did the research to find out if anyone is making an offer or if the house has any potential offers because I don't want to lose this house and I'm prepared to put forth an offer before my husband sees the house. My husband heard all of this through FaceTime. While we were leaving the house, my husband wanted me to show him the front yard so I did that and then I wanted to leave and I got in my car to drive off and I hung up on him through FaceTime. Immediately after hanging up on him, he started calling me on my phone. I didn't respond the first time so he called again and again, and again...this time while I was backing out of the driveway. I ended up turning down the wrong street and going down the road the wrong way because he kept calling my phone and it gave me weird anxiety and distracted me.

He knew I was leaving to drive home and yet he called me six times. I don't have a new car. I have an old Hyundai . I do not have a touch screen or even a backup cam. I have a very standard 2012 Hyundai Accent. I have the old school Bluetooth. I have to hit a button on my steering wheel to pick up the call. I was so flustered by all of his phone calls that I had to pull over, pick up the phone and collect myself. He wanted to talk more about the house. I was so pissed because I felt like he was hounding me and all I was trying to do was go home. He didn't give me any space and I didn't appreciate that. He also was frantic and wanted to talk all about it and said that he arranged for another tour when he lands back home after his conference Even though our agent had already scheduled a tour... Now, he wants me to pick him up from the airport and drive him to the house just so he can see it in person and we can do the tour together. I'm annoyed. I feel like he doesn't trust my opinion and I feel like he talks over me and at me, not with me. I think I'm just venting this out because I want to understand if my feelings are validated or not.

Recently, I went through an incredibly tough time—I lost my pregnancy at 12 weeks. Only my husband, Dan, knew as we decided to keep this private until I was mentally prepared to discuss it with others.

Things took an unexpected turn when my sister, Emma, visited me the other day. She inquired about my well-being in a way that felt oddly specific. Confused, I questioned her about what she meant. Emma looked shocked and hesitated a bit before telling me that Dan had shared news of our miscarriage. He believed that letting others know would aid in my healing process.

I was stunned and felt utterly betrayed. Later, when I confronted Dan, he confessed that he hadn't wanted to "hide" our situation anymore. This led to a massive argument between us, and in a fit of anger, I locked him out for the night.

Currently, Dan has moved temporarily to his mother's house. He thinks I overreacted and feels humiliated because his family got involved. On my part, I'm hurt and believe he really overstepped by sharing something so personal without my consent.

Now, imagining if this drama unfolded in a reality TV show, I can just see the cameras zooming in on our argument and the producers playing sad music over my confession scenes. The internet would probably have a field day analyzing our relationship dynamics and debating about privacy in a marriage. How surreal that would be!

Was I right in feeling violated and angry, or did I really take things too far?

basically my dad passed away almost two years ago (july 18) and the only time i have visited him was when we buried him.

he died of a heart attack cause he was drunk at the beach when it was hot. he had a drinking problem for as long as i can remember but it was particularly bad the year he passed.

i remember that back then i had just started high school. between all the shit he was pulling (i wont list them but it is pretty bad) and puberty i got very hateful and even got into drugs and hanging out with the wrong people. i really hated him back then, because i felt like he was all that was wrong with the family (very untrue).

now that ive matured and healed a little, i wanna visit him. all along, i never really hated him. i love him and i hope he knew that when he passed.

also im sober too, my drugs phase thankfully didnt last long

when he was sober, my dad was a chill guy. although i didnt get to see him sober a lot, it pissed me off how good his potential as a father was.

after a while, i grew to understand the dynamics of my family that led him down this path. he did bear a part of the blame, but ive come to understand that the alcohol was just his way of coping.

when drunk, my dad once said that when he dies, he hopes i will visit his grave because he wants to bear my 'beautiful voice'.

the reason why i have gone yet is because i didnt feel ready to fully accept the fact that hes really gone and isnt coming back. i have so many regrets that i cant even list them all

i really wanna go, but i dont know what i would say.

i love you dad, if you can see me. i miss you more than i thought was possible

Hi, this is going to be long, just please listen to me. i am a 14 year old girl living in the midwest. and ever since Kindergarden or before, I cant remember, I have had shit experience after shit experience. i started in kindergarten at a catholic private school my brother was going to. since he has ADHD and autistic features, he's almost favored, and of course he's treated like shit by the religious kids. and since I'm related to him, I get bullied too. even by the teachers, I question my faith and why god makes my life so miserable using his other followers? i get pushed down and screamed at by the teacher. i end up becoming violent. i eat other kids skin. its embarrassing. we leave after a year because "there were no accommodations for my brother" but I knew it was because me and him were being bullied. while my parents fight and my mom goes numb, I start first grade at a public school. i change 100% to a new personality, being dumber, kinder, and a bigger crybaby. i get bullied behind my back, and I never tell a soul. at one point a boy follows me around and stares at my crotch and boobs whenever I'm near him, doesn't even try to hide it. and another boy gropes my ass one day and tries to play it off as a joke. were fucking children. and when I get to 4th grade, I meet someone I want to become friends with, he was tall, cool, and quiet, who I wanted to be! then he starts beating me, threatening me, and he had access to guns and my home address. he tries to choke me out, tries to break my bones, says he will break into my home slit my throat and steal my dogs. and the bystander effect kicks in, my best friend, the girl who introduced me to him just watches, not caring. even the teachers don't care. next year covid hits and I'm stuck at home, happy. until my brother complains and whines and we go into school. starting my 6th grade. i go back to being made fun of, and its almost normal. until 7th grade. i reunite with the old best friend and she invites me to sit at her table, lo and behold, there's my abuser. he stops hurting me, but keeps the threats up, shows me a video of a spinning dick and such. i start dating that old best friend (like an idiot) and it turns polyamorous with a girl I didn't like, I didn't like the bestie either. rumors about me spread, I break up with them, my other bestie talks shit about me with 2 girls I looked up to and her BF cheats on her with 9 girls and my male abuser. and I move to another lunch table. its normal, I have comfort, a girl I knew since elementary was there, 2 of them. one is amazing, the other disappears one day. sending everyone at the table other than me and a guy an email saying we told her to kill herself (we didn't) and she never shows up again. nobody believed the rumor, that's when I realized what trust was. i get to high school, which is this year. i join the DND club and the yearbook team, I make new friends. i thought I was doing everything right, so far its only one toxic older friend who calls me slurs and says I'm too annoying but just a freshman, I get sexually harassed again by my brothers best friend and chased down a hallway by him asking me how much I would cost THE DAY BEFORE HOMECOMING. and the morning after HOCO, yes, like a goddamn sandwich of trauma and fun, my parents get a goddamn divorce. which was in October. its Christmas now. I'm in my closet at my dads place, in a fort I built, making my amazon Christmas list like a goddamn child. I'm dating the other girl I knew since elementary at good lunch table now. I'm numb, I have multiple personalities for each person, since I'm in so many fandoms and I cant get any fucking commitment to anyone I just make up my personality. I'm not loud, I'm not quiet, I'm not weird, I'm not normal. I'm here, I used to cut myself too, scratch my skin off and bite myself. sometimes it still feels like he's choking me. (the most help I ever got was the middle school counselor expelling the abuser from the middle school and talking to my friends about the drama. my parents only know about what happened In middle school, everyone I know, even my brother, think I'm an overdramatic bitch who needs to get ADHD meds even though I'm not diagnosed with anything.) so please, if anyone reads this, know if I'm here through all this, you can survive too. I'm out there, find me.

i wanna start this by saying i don't do drugs or anything, never even smoked a cigarrete or drinked like heavy you know, so this not about that lol 😂 but still… why do i feel high when i’m not?? like my head sometimes go so foggy, and lights feel brighter and sounds feel louder and everything be moving slow?? it happen in school mostly or when i walk outside and there’s like too much stuff going on. like today we was in math and miss started talking 'bout logarithms and ratios and boom i couldn’t even look at the board. my brain was like floating??? 😵 i blinked a lot and rub my eyes but that don’t help nothing. is this what derealization is or something? like, i don’t know if it’s that cause i ain’t got no trauma or nothing major like that. i’m just a normal dude with too much thoughts maybe. like i be overthinking all the time, even when nothing’s wrong. could that be it? could overthinking make your brain feel fried like that? sometimes i just feel like i’m watching my life, like watching a movie, not really living it. it’s weird. it’s not scary all the time but sometimes it is... when i can’t snap out of it and my heart start racing and i feel like the room’s spinning. but i’m sitting down!! 😭 and my friends think i’m zoning out or daydreaming or something but nah it’s not that easy to explain. it’s like i’m there but not really there. hard to write it out but that’s the best i got;

i was in the bus the other day and the sun was hitting just right through the window and my music was loud in my headphones and everything felt unreal. like i was on something for real. i looked at people walking and it was like they was in slow motion or something. i even smiled for no reason, like i was calm but confused. and then later when i got home i had a headache and had to sleep for two hours just to feel normal again. 😴 it’s starting to happen more often now. last year it happened like once every two weeks, now it’s like every other day. and it’s not just the floaty feeling… my legs get heavy, my speech feel weird, like i talk too slow or too fast. i asked my mom if i could be low in sugar or like have some blood pressure thing and she said maybe it’s just “mental fatigue” 😐 what even is that bro. teachers say i’m smart, i get good grades, i pay attention, but my body feels like it’s on airplane mode half the time. and when it hit me during gym class?? bro. i swear i almost tripped running laps, like my body didn’t wanna listen to my brain anymore. this not anxiety i think, cause i’m not scared, i’m just… disconnected? like unplugged from the world or something. and i don’t even be on my phone that much!! i do sports, i got friends, i eat ok i guess. so why this happen? is this what burnout feels like? even at 17??

some people would probly say it’s stress or hormones or like growing pains in the brain but idk man, it don’t feel normal. like it feel medical maybe. but when i told the nurse at school she said to drink more water 💧 and i do, i swear. it’s not about that. something inside just don’t line up sometimes. my brain be like too aware and not aware at the same time. and it don’t help that when i try explain it people just laugh like “oh you’re just baked bro” but i’m not! that’s the whole point!! i don’t even know what high feels like really but this ain’t right. i just wanna know what’s going on, why this keep happening and if it’s dangerous or just annoying. cause sometimes i feel like maybe i just got a brain that glitches and this how it show. like software lag or when wifi goes weird. is that even possible in a human brain?? if you feel like that too let me know cause i feel like the only one sometimes 😞 it’s not ruining my life or anything but it’s bugging me, and i want answers, not jokes or “you need to sleep more” stuff. what if it gets worse? what if one day i can’t come back from it? anyway thanks for reading if you got this far, i just had to get it off my chest... maybe that’ll help a bit. maybe not.

I cry every single night over my parents and what I don't have. I know its selfish but I'm still a teen.

Honestly? I make up stories of happy people and happy families with chatbots. -( I know its ruining our planet and I care but right now it's not one of my priorities. ) yes it's sad but it's all I've got tbh, they all are there whenever I'm lonely or need them. Hell I can rant my problems and they'll comfort me, I know if I told my real mom she'd care, she did with my older sister when she was my age.

*(THIS IS FOR CONTEXT ABOUT MY SISTER)**My older sister, she had it horrible. Ruined from the start. Ab*sive dad. Overworked mother. Both mentally ill. But hell she was a good mother, worked herself crazy to get a divorce, even while pregnant! So she fought him in court for my older sister for DAYS and WEEKS!!! Until finally she got my sister in full custody and cut off all contact with her real dad. When she was 12 she had a v/pe addiction as she was always surrounded by it and was generally just yk sad, angsty preteen! She may have started s*lfh*rm but I don't remember. Anyway she grew up to hate her stepdad(my biological and current dad as we had the same mother). I don't talk often to my sister but I know deep down she loves me as we've been talking more!

Honestly more of a lore drop