Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

i woke up one day last month and something just clicked, not like a loud bang but more like the slow unlocking of a door i didn’t know existed; the kind that creaks when it opens and makes you feel something’s been waiting behind it for years. i was sitting at the kitchen table, eating cereal that went soggy way too fast and listening to her talk about some neighborhood meeting or whatever, and it hit me—i don’t love her. i respect her, i think she’s a good person, she’s loyal, she’s patient, she’s stable. but love? no. i don’t feel it. i don’t feel that fire anymore. haven’t in years. i think i kept going cause it felt easier to stay than to reset. like when your software keeps crashing but you don’t reinstall it because you’re afraid you’ll lose your files. that’s me. stuck on version 1.0 when i should’ve been on something newer, something that fits the current hardware of who i am. and i tried, i really did. i read books like "the five love languages" and watched those couples’ therapy podcasts and tried mimicking what they do. but nothing stuck. everything was like applying duct tape to a cracked foundation. no offense to her, really, i mean it. but how can you fake what doesn’t exist anymore? how long are you supposed to pretend that the system is fine when the core is corrupted?

maybe you’ll say i’m selfish or broken or that i should’ve figured this out earlier, maybe even before the wedding or at least before we decided to adopt a dog together. and you’re probably right. but this realization didn’t come from some dramatic event or external stimulus, it came quietly, like a notification you ignore too many times until it fills the whole screen. so i’ve started planning. not cheating, not ghosting her, just slowly building a framework for my reset. i’ve updated my resume, reached out to a few friends in other cities, thought about what it’d mean to just… start over. tabula rasa, as they say. no hard feelings, just honest reevaluation. i feel like life should be lived with intention, and if we’re just running on routines and habits, aren’t we just slowly dying instead of living? i want to live. i want to wake up one day and feel like my choices match my heart, not my obligations. is that wrong? maybe you’ve felt it too, that split between duty and desire, where one pulls you deeper into routine and the other tugs at something raw and real. i’m not blaming her, she deserves real love, not a placeholder husband going through motions. and i? i deserve to stop gaslighting myself into thinking numbness is normal. if you’ve ever felt that, like you’re a spectator in your own life, tell me, what did you do? how did you find the courage to hit reset without detonating everything around you?

The coworkers I work with in this outpatient lab grind on my nerves. maybe it's a me thing but they complain about literally every. single. thing. they complain about the fact that I get one day off every week (I work 4 10s they work 5 8s) completely ignoring the fact that we both work the same number of hours each week. They get annoyed the I use my vacation time. (fun fact that's part of my benefits. why would I not use the benefits I have) they get annoyed that sometimes when they come back from lunch there are 3 people in the lobby but ignore the fact that when they leave for lunch they will leave 8-10 patients in the lobby. And I'm pretty sure that if i was to register the patients in the lobby and put them under them to be drawn they would be annoyed they have to draw blood after coming back from lunch. But hey when they leave for the day that's okay if they leave with a lobby full of patients because god forbid they stay one minute past their scheduled shift . They feel like they are above the standards that they hold everyone else to like hypocrites.

(its my first time posting on here, i just needed a place to vent and feel heard)

long story short, when i was around 5-8 (dont remember exactly) i was sa'd by my older brother and his best friend at the time. i was way too young to understand what was happening to me, all i knew is that it felt bad but they wouldnt stop. thankfully this only happened once because i told my mom, but then it was never brought up again, until a couple weeks ago.

the thing is that i never thought of it as SA because it felt too horrible admitting to myself that i am a victim. that being said, this trauma began showing up as me hating femininity, wearing baggy clothes to the point i didnt even undress at the beach/pool/during summer, i absolutely hate the idea of coming across as vulnerable, smoking, substances, SH,etc... in november of 2024 i finally accepted the reality. it felt so horrible that i relapsed in smoking but i thought it was better than relapsing in SH.

long story short, ive made a lot of progress since then. i told my therapist about it and it was the first time i cried in therapy in 5 years, i told my mom about it and she was very loving, but i still cant overcome it.

the nightmares and flashbacks stopped after i managed to talk to my mom about it. but theres one thing left to do, and that is to talk to my brother about it.

the reason why this is like the final boss of overcoming the trauma is that he's made advances on me in the past. not recent, but around 4 years ago he tried to get me to let him 'penetrate' me. apart from that, he's also made comments on my body when i was forced to wear dresses for formal events, talking about how big my boobs are, or how sexy i am. he has also sent me a picture of his dick in the past. thats as recent as last year.

sexual trauma is such a huge part of my subconscious identity that i am almost a legal adult and ive never been in a relationship. i dont wear makeup or dress in a feminine way cause i see it as being vulnerable. ive also never talked to my irl friends about any of this, even tho im craving to have someone listen.

i let my brother get away with so much because our dad passed away a few years ago, and i felt like my brother just wasnt in his right mind. that being said, a lot of what i mentioned happened before my dad's passing and even then, i let him get away with it because dad was an alcoholic.

surviving trauma is hard, but i think surviving the aftermath is even harder.

the first time i admitted to myself that the sa did in fact happen, i threw up.

me and my bestfriend used to fight alot until one day she js unadded me. it bcame a point i cried every day and i vented so much i couldnt keep going i was so upset she was gone, i used to stalk her a lot cause i wanted her back and i missed her a lot. i remember on dec 31 2023 minutes before it was the next year we fought and all we wanted to do was just stop fighting and get thru the new year together, fast foward to march 2024 where she dropped me again and i felt so sad i started stalking her again, now its dec 29th and all i can think is her and i feel like i wanna killl myself because of it. i wanna talk to her and add her on snapchat but like i know she either wont add me back or will add me back and call me obsessive. someone tell me what to do please.

Can you hear me? Or am I mute? Can you see me? Or am I gone? Do you know me? Or have I changed? Can you find me? Or is it too late?

It’s too late. I can’t find myself. I have changed. I don’t know me. I am gone. I can’t see myself anymore. I am mute. I cannot scream.

GET ME OUT OF HERE GET ME OUT OF HERE GET ME OUT OF HERE GET ME OUT OF HERE GET ME OUT OF HERE GET ME OUT OF HERE GET ME OUT OF HERE

There is no escape.

This has been my fate from the beginning.

I am gone.

Who am I?

Do you know?

Am I who I was?

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I’m scared.

Who am I?

nothing left nothing left nothing left nothing left nothing left nothing left nothing left nothing left nothing left nothing left nothing left nothing left

I don’t know you.

Do you know me?

Was I ever ok?

This body isn’t mine.

It isn’t theirs.

It isn’t ourse.

It doesn’t belong to us.

I prob look insane rn but can i argue with that i literally am lolz

I hate my friend. It's like she never considers my feelings. She has never asked me how I am. Everyday it's like walking on a minefield around her, I don't know what will piss her off next. I hate how she makes me feel. Like I'm no one. I can't be my true self around her. I wanna end our friendship but that would mean I'd be alone for the rest of highschool. I cant make any other friends since I'm kind of a bullying target.

this is my first time posting to a website like this, so i'm a little nervous but i don't know what else to do. i've been dealing with some heavy weight recently and the problems that i once ignored are piling up on me and it's been really taking a toll on me. to give you a brief summary: my mother dislikes me, i've realized that i am somewhat disconnected from everyone in my life, opening up to people on an intimate, personal level scares me so i'm on this site instead, and lastly i feel weirdly hollow. every conversation with another person is incredibly painful for me, and i wish to cut contact with everyone and live my life as a recluse; at the same time i love people and i don't wish to separate from them. it's like, a weird oscillation of sorts. i don't want to sound too self-pitying but i wish that i could open up to others without any fear. for a long time i've always adhered to people, morphed myself accordingly but in the process i've fractured my sense of self lol and presently im trying to gain it back but ive realized just how empty of person ive been. i have so many problems but i feel like i can't tell anyone them and being emotionally genuine, with other people, is something that makes me want to throw up. distracting myself with projects, other people, or using the internet to forget about my reality. truth is, the few times ive 'opened' up to someone i tell them something miniscule that i don't truly care about just to keep the barrier there. my friendships i leave open and ambiguous, i've hurt a lot of people in the past because of this but i keep on moving forwards but this will definitely come to bit me in the future. i wish i could say that i feel remorse for them and i do, but it's never to the extent of their emotions. i do not love people, but i care about them even from afar and oh this turned into me ranting, lol sorry to whoever took the time to read this but you get the gist. there's a lot of other stuff as well but it'd be really awkward saying everything. i am attempting change but it's been hard, i'm getting somewhere though. just needed to get this off my chest lol, been feeling very depressed and heavy lately

Recently, my fiancée threw me for a loop when she requested that we scrap the $8,600 wedding gown I had previously purchased for her, in favor of a new dress—one that costs a jaw-dropping $33,000, which is more than half of our entire wedding budget.

Here's the backdrop: I'm engaged to the woman of my dreams who belongs to a Native American tribe, and the wedding is going to take place on her home reservation. Before meeting her, I was already involved with the tribe, helping out where I could, like when I bought a mobile home for an elder whose daughter had been incarcerated, leaving her with three grandchildren to raise.

Thanks to these connections and my contributions, the tribe’s council has allowed us to hold our wedding ceremony there. I’m covering all the expenses for the wedding, which totals up to a fixed budget of $60,000. The event will feature traditional dancers, drummers, and a feast—all catered by women from the reservation. Our wedding is relatively small with 80 guests, including only my mother and my adult nephew from my side.

I genuinely appreciate how hard the tribe works to overcome economic difficulties, and I'm glad that our wedding can bring some financial benefits. My fiancée has always had grand dreams about her wedding since she was a small girl. I’m not particularly keen on wedding details myself, so the spotlight is all hers. I even opted to wear a black gown with tuxedo details to let her shine. My one firm stipulation was a strict $60,000 budget, and I hired a planner to ensure we stuck to it.

A while back, my fiancée found an $8,600 dress she adored, which was immediately bought and fitted. Then, as the wedding plans progressed, one of the tribal elders insisted that she should wear a traditional tribal gown crafted by a native artisan. The price tag for this culturally significant dress is a staggering $33,000, as it would be adorned with intricate beadwork.

When she approached me with this, I was shocked at the expense which would derail our set budget. I suggested perhaps selling the original gown and trying to compromise on the new one’s cost, but the conversation didn’t go well. My fiancée believes that not wearing the tribal gown would be disrespectful and humiliating, not only to herself but to her entire tribe.

Despite having the financial means, I've always been prudent with budgeting—understanding that’s how you sustain wealth. Now, my fiancée isn’t speaking to me, unless it’s to emphasize the urgency that the artisan needs to start on the dress immediately. I’m stuck and frankly, frustrated. What would you do in my shoes?

Imagining this scenario played out in a reality show, it's easy to see the drama escalating quickly. The cameras would feed on our tension, probably zooming in on emotional face-offs about tradition versus thriftiness. Reality TV thrives on such discord, likely painting me as the villain for not yielding or portraying my fiancée as overly demanding. It makes you wonder if true resolution can happen under the public eye or if the pressure would only deepen the divide.

What should I do about this wedding dress debacle? I think my wife is a bridezilla...

My cat goes outdoors and a month ago his brother who lived three houses from ours passed away from a tragic accident with a car. So, I think it’s too risky for her to go out but sometimes she can’t help it. I was wondering how can I change this behaviour?

Aight, so I got this problem and idk what to do. Valentine’s Day is like next week, and there’s this girl I really like… but I have NO CLUE how to ask her to be my valentine. Like, do I just text her straight up? Try to be funny? Make it casual?? Bro, I feel like an idiot even stressing over this but I don’t wanna mess it up.

I’ve been talking to her for a while now, and we text almost every day. Nothing too crazy, just memes, random convos, and stuff about school. She always replies fast tho, which I think is a good sign?? Or maybe she’s just nice lol idk. Either way, I actually like her and wanna make a move before some other dude asks her first.

The problem is, I’m trash at this kinda thing. Like, I overthink everything. If I just text, “Hey, wanna be my valentine?” is that too lame? Or what if she thinks I’m joking?? I thought about sending some kinda flirty text like, “So, what’s your Valentine’s Day plans? Cuz I heard this guy (me) is available 😉” but then I feel like I’d cringe myself into another dimension if she doesn’t respond how I hope.

Then there’s the classic “What if she says no?” I mean, yeah, rejection happens, whatever. But having to see her at school after that? BRUH. That would be painful. What if she shows the text to her friends and they all laugh at me?? Lowkey wanna just avoid this whole thing but at the same time, I don’t wanna regret not shooting my shot.

Maybe I should just go all in and send something dramatic like:

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at flirting, but will you be my boo?”

LMAO nah, that’s too much. She’d prob think I’m messing around.

Or should I just keep it simple? Like:

“Hey, so I was wondering… would you wanna be my valentine?”

No emojis, nothing. Just straight to the point. But what if that’s too boring?? Man, this is why texting is so stressful. You can’t tell if someone’s actually excited or if they’re just being nice.

Also, when do I even send it?? If I do it too early, she might think I’m desperate. Too late, and she might already have plans. I feel like there’s some secret Valentine’s Day rulebook I never got.

Honestly, if this was a reality show, I wonder what people would think of me right now. Would they be yelling at the screen like, “JUST TEXT HER ALREADY!!” or would they be roasting me for overthinking so hard?? Probably both tbh.

But yeah, if anyone has advice, lemme know. Cuz right now, I’m just staring at my phone like an idiot, tryna figure out how to ask a girl to be my valentine over text without looking like a total clown. Wish me luck... 😥

what do you think is coursing my knee pain.?

as it doesn't seem to be gettin any better.and it is effected by the weather .

I am eating on physio but the doctors aty go won't help me and won't give me the pain killers that I know work..so I'm left take medication that don't always work and I'm actually taking more that I should be to just be I a little bit less pain.

Well I met her for the first time in university, we were not friends right away it took us some time to become friends and now we are best friends, let's call her Lily It's been a year or so, I don't usually trust people but I gave her a chance I still don't know why, I never had this strong feeling about her betraying me.

Lately, something happened between us but before that let me tell you what kind of friendship we have: (I have financial problems and someone spending money on me is a big deal for me but it is her love language according to her) She is from a rich family so she takes me out and pays without even asking me, there are multiple occasions I insisted on paying she did not let me, I tell her that I feel bad it feels like I am using her for money. Still, she would tell me it was fine and all I usually back out whenever she offered to go out and eat but she told me she does not have any other friends who would treat her like me, I am just honest about things and she is quite dumb when making serious decisions. Hence, she asks for my help mostly and trusts me that I won't misguide her and I try my entire best to not misguide her, I don't give her advice that she should choose this or that I just tell her that these are choices and these are their consequences if possible she decides by herself.

now there is this other friend of ours who we will call Cactus (yes I don't like him )

he is very manipulative and he likes to be the center of attention always, he wants us to treat him like royalty even when he is the one needing our help remind you this is a grown-ass adult who might be around 25 he is older than both of us by 5 to 6 years, he has this massive ego which is very fragile.

well, Lily is very easily manipulated like very easily, if you tell her she did wrong even tho she didn't she will think she did wrong. and like I said it's her love language to spend money on people around her, she used to pay for cactus's food initially later she stopped Idk why,

whenever I tell her that Cactus is making me feel left out and I don't enjoy sitting with him and all, she understands not always but usually and we both would sit separately, I don't mind sitting alone but she won't leave me, even tho in the start she was closer to cactus than with me, but she would leave with me

this made Cactus not like me(I would be ignored in group conversations and all, and he made me feel lonely ), he thinks I'm the one telling her not to sit with him, I prefer to have as few people around me as possible while cactus wants us to sit with a huge crowd like 15 to 20 people, I don't enjoy large companies nor do I tell lily to tag along with me I don't mind it because I get overwhelmed with all these people and then cactus targeting me in front of all. there are multiple occasions he blamed me for Lily's actions, lily did defend me on multiple occasions but sometimes they were not enough she does not let me get away from him she knows I prefer not to argue over little things that's why I ignore him

cactus not only targets me he also doesn't like another girl,l Rose, cactus knows about her past mistakes and all, but he also used to tell BS behind her back all the time, he is so manutiplive he made her appear like a very bad person in front of her, later on, we girls started to hang out which made both me and lily realize she is not at all like what we heard from cactus instead we got to know that he is backbiting behind every single of us with one another,

there was this scene that was the main cause of my and Lily's downfall or so I think

some other friends including Lily were studying together there came the cactus along with a friend who is a damn creep, they asked us to let them join us for studying (cactus is not at all good at studying nor does he puts effort in studying but he acts almighty like "see I didn't study properly and still cleared the course" I'm like yea sure if grace marks are considered good sure be proud of yourself)

a day before this cactus asked me if I would help me study I said yes because it would help me revise too we had this conversation fofourike 4 times in a single day and every time I told him k I would help you out when I was done with the group study, what happened was that he was constantly disturbing and was annoying, others who were studying told him not to do it I did too I was exactly yelling or screaming or anything this sort I just was telling him to stop he didn't listen, creep whisper something in his ear and they got up and went away, then I did with my study I asked him over texts that I'm free, he told me that he was there to study not anymore I said okay whatever you want,

he called Lily and told her that I was extremely rude to him in front of all the people and that I think he won't be able to study without me, and even in texts, I was rude to him.

She texted me defending him over me even tho she was present there too that I wasn't the only one telling him to shut up or go away, she didn't believe me she said yea you were rude to him especially, I was devasted I responded normally like okay we will talk about this later.

I hated that she refused to believe me over him and she knows I never refuse anyone if they want me to help them out in studying and nor do I say things like they need me to help them or else they won't have a chance, she believed him.

I overlooked this but there is a thing that happened it's not related to me or Lily, it's about Rose well cactus knows her secrets and all (I don't judge her on anything those were mistakes or simply just her choices she didn't hurt anyone with these choices)

he had told everyone about it rose is unaware that people who she thinks are her friends are always judging her every move, the creepy friend of Cactus said something so terrible about Rose in front of Lily and Cactus, Lily told him off and not to say such things while cactus was laughing

Lily told me about it, and I told Rose about it because it was so terrible, and if I were in her shoes I would want to know about their true colors too

Lily got mad at me saying that she trusted me on this, i am wrong here in that I broke Lily's trust and told Rose about it, i did it in front of Lily to avoid any misunderstanding, i apologized to Lily for this but I don't regret telling rose about his true colors rose showed us cactus's chats with her being a sweet innocent man praising her and all while telling us the exact opposite of this, later lily said something I will never forget she said "cactus talks about rose behind her back and all but he is my friend he doesn't do it behind so it does not matter to me "

I was shocked to my core, cactus tells everyone about everyone's secret even his girlfriend's and she thinks he will not do this to her

what should I do now I'm scared to leave Lily alone with him, he will do unthinkable things, and she won't even realize

but I don't want to be around him

ik I broke her trust but rose does not deserve any of this either why should she suffer just because cactus wants to look like Mr know it all

Hi guys,

Growing up, I endured mistreatment from one of my parents. When I opened up about it, my parents separated, and the abusive parent moved out. We stayed in the same apartment, I started therapy, and life moved on.

Still, I struggled with nightmares and flashbacks, particularly triggered by my bedroom. I requested to change rooms or at least rearrange mine, but my family refused.

This discomfort persisted, and I left home as soon as possible. Even now, visiting my family makes me uneasy, a feeling that intensified after I reported the abuse in 2021 and had to recount the details of the apartment.

Now, I stay with a friend during visits.

My mother recently acquired her aunt's apartment nearby and is fervently renovating it. She often sends me photos of the progress. While I get why she wants to share, I feel resentful that there was never such excitement about updating my own space or moving while I was there. She claimed we couldn't afford to move then, but now she's taking on significant debt, which might even fall on me, as she's buying the flat to finance her aunt's care.

Compounding my distress, my mother approached the friend I stay with to rent our old apartment. It feels like I'm losing my safe haven to the shadows of my past.

To others, it may just be a series of new beginnings, and perhaps to some, an apartment is just that. My mother argues that I'm being unreasonable and insists everything is fresh and free of past burdens. She believes I should wait and see once renovations are complete. I've explained that it doesn't feel that way to me and asked her to dial back on the renovation updates, but she hasn't adjusted her approach.

What hits differently is how people's indifference makes me feel isolated. If I were on a reality show, viewers might see just how deep these "renovations" cut and could better understand why I can't just let go of the past as easily as they're redecorating.

Am I wrong for letting my emotions show and for telling her instead of acting thrilled for everyone else's sake?

As someone who captures weddings through the lens of a camera, I've encountered my first situation where I’m seriously considering declining to cover an event. I secured a wedding booking back in February and had a preliminary chat with the couple, where they mentioned a broad destination without pinning down the exact location. I agreed on the condition that they would update me accordingly. Similarly, they didn't provide a specific time for the event.

Over the following months, I attempted to reach out for details but my messages were left unanswered. By mid-June, with the wedding fast approaching on the 30th, there was still radio silence from their side.

Driven to find answers, I contacted another vendor involved in the wedding. Shockingly, I learned that the couple had shifted their wedding site to a spot three hours away, now planning to start the event at 5 AM, followed by a two-mile trek to the venue. All this, and still no word directly from the couple themselves. Additionally, the vendor hinted that these plans might not even be final.

Despite having received payment upfront, we had never formalized a contract detailing the agreement's specifics. Now, just five days away from the event, I find myself in a dilemma whether I should cancel. The thought of traveling all that distance only to possibly find the venue changed again is daunting.

If I cancel, I think it would be fair to offer a full or at least partial refund due to the circumstances. However, I’m open to suggestions on how to handle this professionally. I was hesitating for the category between the one I chose and the Bridezilla category... hard to choose :)

Imagine how this scenario would unfold if it were part of a reality TV show. Cameras following every tense moment as I struggle with the decision, juxtaposed with the intrigue of the wedding couple’s erratic planning. The drama of it could captivate viewers, showing the real challenges faced by wedding vendors, often hidden behind the glamour of the big day. But would the public sympathize with my predicament or see it as an overreaction? The suspense and possible conflict might make for riveting television but would certainly add another layer of stress in reality.

im not sure if this is the right category for this but i just need to get it off my chest so sorry if i start rambling a little bit

im 18 and honestly have been contemplating whether or not i should be alive right now.

for the last six months, my life has been pretty miserable. people talk about the uni experience like it’s some exciting thing but for me it’s been nothing but a source of dread and anxiety. i had a pretty rough last two years of high school where my grades plummeted to C’s in some classes and while i did get decent grades to get into uni itself, my uni grades have been so much worse. it’s been really hard seeing it happen because growing up i associated my worth as a person with my grades and therefore with bad grades im basically less than your average person. i failed some classes in my first term and i have been trying to rectify it this term but i lost my dog almost exactly a month ago tomorrow and have felt myself spiralling deeper down this depressive? episode if you could call it that.

for the last 11 years my dog’s probably one of the only people who has loved me unconditionally. im sure my parents’ love me but it always felt like if i didn’t meet their standards i was useless and a disappointment. they know about my uni grades which sparked a lot of strain on our relationship. as if there wasn’t enough already.

and i know people’s go to response is oh you need to talk to someone!! whether that’s a friend, sibling, or family but like my situation is different. i don’t think my friends could really help me with this and my parents aren’t very approachable and my brother is like 10. i love my parents wholeheartedly and while i get that being the oldest child means that they learned how to parent through me it’s just so hard being told that family is always there for you when i know that’s not the case. my dad’s there physically but not mentally and emotionally for his kids and my mom tries to be but she’s got a quick temper and constantly makes little comments about my appearance, weight, acne etc.

anyway we just got into another argument after they found out i got a bad grade on a midterm and it kind of made me realize how much i hate myself and my life. it kind of scares me that not even 15 minutes ago i was thinking about when i was back at my dorm i could just take a crap ton of painkillers and fall asleep and hope i don’t wake up or take a hike and get lost in the woods on purpose.

i also realized that some of my habits in the last couple months have been pretty self destructive/ could be seen as sh? like i stay up all night on my phone mindlessly watching a tv show/movie, reading books or comics even when my eyes are burning and then when i fall asleep it’s like im asleep for hours or like mindlessly playing video games(which have always been a coping mechanism/decompressor) for hours on end despite knowing i could be using the time to be productive.

i’d just like some sort of sign to keep going, something to motivate me because im very close to just ending it.