Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I swear I tried everything, but nothing ever works out for me. Every time I start something new, I suck at it. People always say "oh, you just need to practice" or "you’ll find your thing, don’t worry," but what if I don’t? What if I’m just bad at everything? I tried studying different subjects but nothing sticks. Math? Forget it, I barely pass. Writing? Takes me forever to put a single sentence together, and it still sounds dumb. Science? Idk, all the terms just go in my head and disappear like five seconds later. And don’t even get me started on anything artistic. I can’t draw, I can’t play music, I don’t have any of those creative talents people show off online. I look around and see everyone has something, like they’re naturally good at sports or coding or fixing things, and here I am, struggling to even find one thing I don’t completely suck at.

It’s not just school either. I tried manual work, like building stuff, and I always mess up. My dad once tried to teach me how to fix a sink, and somehow I made it worse. Tried helping a friend with his car and nearly broke something expensive. People tell me "just use your hands, it’s not that hard," but my brain don’t work that way. It’s like my hands and my head don’t connect properly or something. Even basic stuff, like learning to cook, I mess up. I once burned pasta—pasta bro, how do you even do that?! I feel like no matter what I try, I fail at it. And then I see other people who don’t even try that hard, but they’re just naturally good at stuff, and it makes me feel like maybe I’m just not meant to be good at anything. Like some people are just born talented, and then there’s people like me who can’t even figure out what they’re supposed to do in life.

I wish I had at least one thing, just something I could say "yeah, I’m good at this." But everything I try just proves over and over that I’m just average at best, useless at worst. It’s like I’m stuck in this loop of trying, failing, feeling like crap, then trying again because people say "don’t give up," and failing again. It’s exausting. And what scares me the most is that I have no clue what I’m gonna do in the future. Like, how do you pick a career when you suck at everything? How do you even function in the world when you got no skills? I don’t wanna be a loser my whole life, but at this point, I honestly don’t know what else to do.

so I'm a young animator in middle school currently trying to balance my new object show, school, and my various disabilities that make it difficult to even live properly. I love my show, it brings me joy, but I'm wondering if I'm fixating too much on it. my grades are fucked, im getting in trouble more, and the hiring process is certainly not helping.

In 6th grade I met this boy (J) he was shy but sweet, we were friends for a while that year but eventually in social studies I realized I liked him, alot. I told one of my (use to be) guy Friends in the form of a note they told J and he said he like me too so that's where it started. Today I still rember our first hug, first time holding hands, ect. we broke up a few times but we were children and did not know how relationships worked yet. we got back together in 7th grade and took it more serious and everyone loved us at the end of the year saying "Yall are the cutest couple" "I hope y'all last" "best couple of 7th grade" and I still agree with those still, we dated and of 7th grade (last year) over the summer and the start of 8th grade too! in till the week of Halloween in October. it was Monday, me and J had planed on going to the upcoming middelschool dance together but that morning before homeroom he told me he couldn't go because his dad said no due to low grades at not handed in work(NHIS) I'll be honest I wasn't alive that morning so my brain with not even alive but I was sad but said "okay" my goofy ADHD self remberd a time back I 6th grade befor J when I dated a guy (H) and we were supposed to go to that middle school dance but I wasn't feeling good that day due to hightend anxiety (I was diagnosed later on that yr) so me thinking back to 8th grade I was like hey what if I go with h to the dance?! (meant to mean that AS FRIENDS but I didn't get that out there.. terrible idea ik T^T) so in orchestra I have with H I said hey would u want to relive that dance we were supposed to go to in 6th grade (AS FRIENDS) he took that as cheating on J and asking him (H) out. well I heard later it got out to J that I "asked out" H and yeah now I know it seems like that. And befor I get yelled at I LOVEED J AND ONLY HIM I NEVER EVER THOUGHT OF H LIKE THAT (he was like a brother to meX_X) and in 4th peroid class changed I gave J our usual hug but he seemed hurt and upset. I had a gut feeling (TIME SKIP) later my friend messaged me telling that people said I'm cheating on J, at that moment ik I fliped up so instead of J finding out from rumors I messaged him telling him everything hoping to save our (8 almost 9 month relationship) I said if you want to say "goodbye" I understand completely and I am so sorry I did this to you (TIME SKIP) so we broke up he said its better to say goodbye so that happend and we both mentally felt like crap, and both our hearts were crushed.

that was in 2024 not its 2025 and about to be may aka the last month of school. j had a GF but she only saw him as a friend so that lasted a week and I've tried to move on and I just haven't felt the love thing people are supposed to do/have the only love I've ever felt for someone was with J and its still like that. now I don't like him like that anymore I just see him as a close friend and I know it wont be nothing more as I messed up. but you know after you felt/had something like that for so long or felt that way its like apart of you still holds on to them and their memories of you and them together. its like an invisible rope that keeps y'all connected. at a distance but United together and invisible. I just wonder if he or us could ever be a thing again, even if not the same but at least I still feel the hope. sometimes I wonder if its worth the try or risk. would I ruined it again, mess up our friendship which could be all we have left or try and we learn from our mistakes and heck can start our lives together because highschool is next year. or maybe I just seriously gotta let it go. what do y'all think? (also sorry its ALOT)

Last evening, a group of us decided to check out a recently recommended eatery by one of our pals, Charlie. Honestly, I wasn't all that thrilled since I hadn't heard much about the place, but I figured at least I'd be spending time with my friends.

Upon arrival, I skimmed through the menu but nothing really caught my eye. Reluctantly, I settled for a small starter and a milkshake, while the others opted for heartier main courses. When our orders arrived, my choice turned out to be less than satisfying, but I went ahead and ate it since I was quite famished. On top of that, I found the pricing overly steep; the milkshake was tagged at $8 and the starter at $6, making my simple meal a whopping $14.

The ordeal began when it was time to pay the check, which was considerably high due to the lavish orders by the rest of the group. One buddy suggested we split the bill evenly, but that didn’t seem fair to me seeing that I had ordered significantly less. I voiced that I’d rather just pay for my order. While some friends were understanding, a few, including Charlie, thought I was complicating things. They argued an even split was simpler, whereas I felt it unjust to overpay for what I had consumed, especially given my discontent with the meal and choice of venue.

The discussion caused a bit of a holdup—about an additional 15 minutes as we figured out the bill since I needed to pay by card at the counter, and the place was bustling which further delayed the process. Some remarked that splitting evenly would have saved time, but in the end, I only paid my $14. This whole scenario left me questioning if I had acted selfishly. It might have been quicker to just divide the bill, but I didn’t see why I should cough up an extra $10 for essentially no reason. Does standing my ground make me unreasonable?

Imagining this scenario unfolding on a reality show adds an interesting layer. The tension and drama over the bill could have been amplified, displaying varied reactions under the pressure of cameras and an audience. It’s possible I would be portrayed as the antagonist for stirring conflict, or maybe as a sympathetic figure standing up for fairness in social settings. Reality shows thrive on these interpersonal dynamics, and the scene might have made for a compelling segment, sparking debates among viewers about social etiquette and fairness.

Was I wrong for wanting to only pay for what I ordered?

Ben and I were partners for 15 years, having begun our relationship during our senior year of high school. Tragically, a few months ago, he succumbed to bone cancer. Although we lived in a country where same-sex marriage is unrecognized legally, it wasn't a major issue among the general populace. Ben’s relationship with his parents deteriorated after he openly declared his homosexuality at 17, leading them to expel him from their home. In contrast, my family welcomed him, supported his education, and provided the nurturing environment he needed.

I'm employed in Human Resources, and Ben was a talented IT professional. His skills in the field allowed him to earn a substantial income, enabling him to buy a house ten years ago, for which he single-handedly paid the mortgage. When he was diagnosed with cancer four years ago, he had to cut down on his work hours. Given the circumstances, I began to contribute towards the mortgage payments.

His battle with cancer was strenuous and painful and in March, we lost him to the disease. After his passing, his estranged family reappeared, expressing regret over their lost connection and the missed moments of his life. Things escalated when, a month ago, they asked when I planned to hand over the house keys to them, insisting they had legal rights since same-sex partner rights are not established here.

I informed them that the property was legally under my name, having purchased it from Ben shortly after his cancer diagnosis. This was also to secure that financially, everything would be clear and straightforward. They accused me of being unreasonable and claimed that Ben would have wanted his parents to have the house. Indeed, Ben had hoped the home might mend his fractured relationship with his family and even brought up giving them everything if it meant their reunion.

I suggested to his parents that I could transfer the house ownership to them if they compensated me for the four years of mortgage payments I made and agreed to take on the remaining debt. They reacted badly, indicating they couldn't afford it. They even proposed just taking over the mortgage without compensating me, which I refused. This ended in them threatening legal action against me, alleging that I had manipulated Ben, an accusation that they couldn't substantiate legally.

Since then, they haven't ceased contacting me, insisting it would betray Ben’s memory if I retained the house. While I understand they can’t reimburse me for the investments I made in our home, my conscience is conflicted. Some friends have suggested I should let the house go to find peace, but that just doesn't sit well with me. I know Ben might have desired to give them the house, yet now their demands seem driven not by sentiment but by opportunism. Truthfully, I don’t need the house, yet relinquishing it to them feels fundamentally wrong.

We hadn’t discussed what should happen with the home after his passing, which leaves me wondering: am I wrong for wanting to hold on to it?

If this story were featured on a reality show, the public reaction could be intense and divided. Viewers might sympathize with the emotional and ethical dilemmas I'm facing, yet others could criticize me for not prioritizing what Ben would have likely wanted for his parents. The drama and moral complexities could certainly captivate an audience, leading to hot debates on social media platforms and possibly influencing the viewers' perception of the rights and struggles faced by same-sex couples in similar legal situations.

basically in the little group i hang out with at school since over a year ago, theres this girl that i get along with but i didnt see her as anything more than a friend until like october of 2024 when i started having a little crush on her.

a while after that, i was at one of the friends' birthday party and we were hanging out and the girl in question tells me 'are u into girls? i asked Friend3 about you a while ago cause youre kinda cute but she didnt know either...' and i was so caught off guard that i just nodded along like she said something completely normal and then i crashed out when i got home 😭😭

im super avoidant and sometimes when i know i will run into her at school i take a completely different route or just stay in class the entire break..

sometimes i feel like she's flirting with me but idk if she really is because she liked one guy for a really long time but shes p much over him now.

its rare for me to have crushes and its honestly overwhelming me.. i havent told any of our other friends because im so scared she wont like me back and its gonna be embarrassing..

i sometimes make excuses to text her or talk to her and it seems to me like shes also happy to talk to me but since were both girls its hard to tell when shes flirting or when shes just joking.

Just give me a reason not to overdose on the iron supplements in the cabinet at my house.

This is probably going to be my final post anyway let me get into it.( for my context check my last post) Currently I’m just in the idgaf stage Ive truly lost pretty much lost a lot of hope almost all of it. I’m also just at the point where I don’t care to get better, I don’t want to get better, and I don’t want better for myself. I’m considering distancing myself from everyone(including friends,family, even teachers) and potentially cut off people as a whole. I’m also going to refrain from making new friends and telling people how I feel period it’s no one’s business. Honestly my plan going forward Is to just turn myself in and do my time and then after I finish my time I’ll kill myself. And my goal for being an astronomer is most likely dead at this point I’ll probably be dead before then and not do I really want to put in the effort to achieve it and improve my math skills so basically I’ve given up on it and to be honest it’s upsetting to think about. I’m also pretty apathetic and resistant to the idea of therapy now I’ve accepted that I don’t want to get better and it would be a waste of money for my family members to even pay for it because I wouldn’t cooperate and I would be hard to work with and it would also be a waste of time for the therapist. Anyway that’s all I wanted to say and I appreciate those who gave me support on my last post.

i dont even like looking in the mirror anymore. like fr, every time i do, i just find something else to hate. my nose looks weird, my face is too round, my skin is never clear, and dont even get me started on my hair. it’s like the more i grow up, the uglier i get. when i was a kid i didn’t care, i used to smile at my reflection and not think twice. now i just stare at it and feel worse. everyone says “ur beautiful in ur own way” but i dont see it. all i see is someone who’s never gonna be that pretty girl, the one everyone looks at, the one people say wow she’s gorgeous about. and what scares me is that if i already feel this bad about how i look at 16, what am i gonna look like when i’m older? what if it gets worse? what if im one of those ppl who peak in middle school and then just get uglier and older until no one even notices them anymore??

i see girls at school and on insta and they’re all so perfect. like seriously, how do they do it?? their skin glows, their makeup is flawless, even their “casual” outfits look like they came outta a magazine. meanwhile, i look like a potato most days. even when i try to get ready and look nice, i still feel like i dont compare. i’ll take a bunch of selfies and delete all of them. nd then i look at old pics of me from like a year or two ago and i already look diff—and not in a good way. like my face changed and not the way i wanted. nd then i start thinkin like, what if this keeps happening? what if every year i just keep lookin less and less like someone worth looking at? it’s not just about being pretty. it’s about feelin confident. nd i dont feel that at all. i feel like i’m slowly turning into someone invisible.

sometimes i’ll be scrolling and see those “glow up” videos and they just make me wanna cry. like good for them but what if that never happens to me? what if i stay the weird lookin girl with the awkward smile and the body i dont even understand? i feel like people just expect us to grow up and magically turn into these beautiful women, but what if i never do? what if i just stay this unsure, insecure mess forever? i try to tell myself that beauty isn't everything, that what matters is inside, blah blah—but it’s hard when literally everyone is judging everyone based on looks, even if they dont say it out loud. boys don’t talk to me unless it’s for help with homework. girls don’t compliment me the way they do each other. no one says “u look pretty today” to me. so how am i supposed to believe i’m beautiful in the future when i don’t even feel it now?

i kno people change and grow nd maybe i’ll feel better about myself one day, but right now? i’m scared. scared of what i’ll look like when im 20, 25, 30. scared that nothing will change or that it’ll change the wrong way. scared that everyone around me will glow up and move on and be admired while i’m just… there. the girl who could’ve been cute but wasn’t. nd maybe that sounds dumb, but it’s real to me. i just wanna feel pretty one day, like actually believe it without doubting every second. i want to wake up, look in the mirror, and smile for once. maybe that’s too much to ask. but it’s what i want. and i hope, more than anything, that future me isn’t still feeling this way. cuz that would hurt more than anything.

i’m twenty, in the middle of my university studies, and i still have at least three years before i can even think about finishing. i’ve been with my boyfriend for just two months now, and while things are going well between us, there’s this quiet but constant fear in the back of my mind that won’t go away. we’re not using any kind of contraception, which i know is incredibly irresponsible, but every time i think about bringing it up, i hesitate. it’s not that i think he would react badly — actually, he’s pretty understanding — it’s just that there’s this weird shame and discomfort around the subject for me. maybe i feel like talking about it would break the illusion that we’re just enjoying the moment. but what if enjoying the moment turns into a lifetime responsibility? i think about how a single decision or a single mistake could change everything i’ve planned for. i have goals, i have a future i’m working hard for, and the idea of pregnancy right now feels like it would dismantle all of that. i don’t hate the idea of being a mom someday, not at all, but right now it’s terrifying. do others my age feel this constant weight too?

i try to stay calm and rational, but my anxiety has been building up every time my period is even a day late. i read into every minor symptom — a slight cramp, a bit of nausea, even just being more tired than usual — and my mind jumps straight to the worst-case scenario. it's like i become hyper-aware of my body, overanalyzing everything it does. i find myself googling terms like "implantation bleeding" or "early pregnancy signs" in the middle of the night, even when i know it’s just me being paranoid. and yet, i don’t take action. no appointment with a gynecologist, no purchase of emergency contraceptives, not even a pregnancy test unless i'm really panicking. i wonder if this passive approach is some form of denial, like maybe if i don’t confront it directly, it won’t be real. but isn’t that dangerous? am i playing with fire out of fear of confrontation or some illusion of being in control? i know the biological and emotional consequences of an unplanned pregnancy can be massive, and yet i'm stuck in this cycle of fear and inaction. it’s so frustrating to know better and still do nothing. i feel like i'm failing myself somehow. 🫤

there’s also this overwhelming guilt that creeps in when i imagine the scenario actually happening. i picture myself having to tell my parents, explain to them how despite being the "responsible daughter" i always try to be, i let this happen. i picture the awkwardness of facing my professors or delaying my degree. even with my boyfriend, who i do care about, would things survive such a shift? we barely know each other on a deep level. what would co-parenting look like with someone i just met two months ago? we’re still figuring out each other’s boundaries, habits, values. how would we navigate something so life-altering without a solid foundation? and then i wonder — am i overthinking it all, or is it rational to worry this much? am i just another girl with a temporary freak-out, or is this fear justified by how unprepared and exposed i’ve allowed myself to be? i guess i’m writing this because i need to hear from someone who’s been here or is going through the same. how do you manage the fear of pregnancy when you know you’re not doing what you should to prevent it? how do you break the silence and finally take action, even if it’s just starting with a real conversation?

It’s not even like I woke up one morning and thought that... but yeah, I don't really know who I am anymore right now... It was a slow, agonizing realization, one that gnawed at the edges of my mind every damn day, like a relentless parasite. I’ve given up so much of myself for this relationship. My personality, my interests, my humor, my own fucking preferences. I remember how I used to laugh at stupid things, how I loved blasting heavy metal in the car and feeling the bass rumble through my chest. Now, I sit there in silence, pretending to enjoy his godawful indie playlists because, apparently, that's what "we" do. Do you see the irony? I don’t even know who I am because I’ve been eroded, worn down like some fucking rock in a stream. One little compromise at a time, I traded myself for this empty façade of “us.” But what about me?

I don’t even recognize my face in the mirror anymore. I used to wear bold makeup, vivid colors that made me feel fierce and powerful. Now, it’s all muted tones, subtle pinks, and nudes. Why? Because he said it was more “natural.” Natural? Who gives a shit? I used to stand up for myself, used to call people out on their bullshit, but now I find myself swallowing my anger like it’s some bitter pill I have to take just to keep the peace. I hate myself for it. I hate that I’ve become this quiet, compliant version of myself, a woman I’d probably roll my eyes at if I met her. And the worst part? He probably thinks I’m “happy” like this. Well, fuck that. I’m not happy. I’m trapped in a persona I created to survive this relationship, and I’m suffocating in it. How the hell did I get here?

I tried to claw my way back to who I was. I picked up my guitar again, the one I used to play every day before this relationship turned my world into a grayscale. But the strings felt foreign under my fingers. I couldn’t even remember the chords to my favorite song. It was like trying to speak a language I used to be fluent in but had completely forgotten. Do you have any idea how terrifying that is? To lose not just your interests but the muscle memory of who you used to be? It’s like my brain was reprogrammed, overwritten by his preferences, his needs, his fucking whims. And the scary thing is, I let it happen. Bit by bit, I chipped away at myself until there was nothing left but a hollow echo of the woman I used to be. And he didn’t even notice, or worse, he noticed and liked it.

Sometimes, I lie awake at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering what the fuck I’m doing. Who am I? Am I even a person anymore, or just some prop in his perfectly curated life? I fantasize about walking out the door, slamming it behind me, and reclaiming my fucking soul. But then I think about the logistics—where would I go, what would I do, how would I even start over? I feel like a ghost, haunting a life I never agreed to live, and I don’t know how to escape. I don’t want your sympathy. I don’t even want advice. I just want to scream into the void: I don’t know who I am anymore. And maybe, just maybe, if I scream loud enough, the real me might hear it and claw her way back. Or maybe she’s already gone. Who knows? 🖕

is it true when someone tells you life gets "better." as for a while now I have been struggling with my mental health and especially now I'm in college and fighting to get the help I need with my learning and with my mental health.

As at this very moment in time I feel so lost and depressed and alone. I've also had issues with sh in the past and these issues have come up again and I sh 2 nights ago . And I've also struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past as well. they were really bad whilst I was still at school as I was getting bullied and I also have really bad anxiety and that was making school harder for me as I would have to take time outside of the classroom to calm down and I also would disappear to the toilets to run my hands and wrists under cold water.

I then started couslorling and that helped as at that point I was no just struggling to stay in class I was also struggling to get into class as I was having really bad panick attacks.

And throughout my counselorling setting I learnt new way to help myself get through the panic attacks.

That was untill one day where I was out of class because I was struggling with my anxiety and was in fact having a panic attack and my form tutor saw me and she said you look stressed and then she also said to me about trying some ways to calm down and I'd all ready tried 2 and they didn't work and then she said to me about her taking me to sit I'm her classroom as she wasn't teaching and at this point I had my head phones on listening to music to try and calm myself down and come out of the panic attack as I know that worked for me and she had my try one other way to come out of the panic attack which did sort of help it wa the s deep breathing trick nixed with listening to music and the 5.4.3.2.1 track that got me out of the panic attack then it was lunch time so I spent it with my helper and tryes to explain to her what happened but I couldn't so I just started to talk about something else.

This is the peak of my insanity. I hate everything. Everyone sucks. They all just lie and cheat and divide and become their own "clan", claiming unity. What the fuck is unity then!?!? This is my first day in school after 3 weeks, and gah! How I wish everyone would just die! It pains me to see teachers say "I bet you had a nice time speaking with friends on the holidays", fuck off. Actually, the teachers should die, for mushing those dumb children's brains that "Friendship is Magic", it's not. It's like saying God is real when it's not. In fact, this isolation for 7 years, no friends, has improved me, changed me. It made me smarter about the universe, that everything is a lie. I'm perfect, better than the school.

Tw grooming and suicide

I (15 almost 16) am in a perpetual self imposed hell. my abuser (20 almost 21) showed back up after months of completely abandoning me and you know, I thought that would make me feel better because wow. They kept their promise, they didn’t lie and leave me with this gaping hole in my chest. not really. The months they left were hell, my intrusive thoughts about being groomed quite literally crippled me to the point I commit suicide, got landed in the psychward for a while, and could not return to a normal headspace. I don’t know if i can say it’s worse but it’s not better, well that’s a lie. It’s better in the sense that I feel more normal to know they’re around, suddenly overwhelming intensity of the intrusive thoughts are gone. There’s the illusion that im okay. But now im even more dependent on them than before, while they were away I decided if I got a second chance I would do or give anything to keep them, to the point I’d ditch all my friends and family if they decided they actually loved me again. Currently, as further proof of how serious I am im cheating on my partner (15) for them, and I know I should give my all to someone who actually cares about me, I truly don’t deserve my partner but it feels fundamentally wrong to date anyone who isn’t hurting me. Maybe im just not meant for it. I’m planning to break up with my partner soon because I don’t want to betray them further while parasitically zapping all of their goodwill, but I can’t tell what the right way to do it is. I’m selfishly holding on.

It hurts me so much that I let you do all that shit to me and yet i still feel so disposable to you . Maybe thats how I’ll make my partner feel if they find out about all this shit, and then I’ll really be like my abuser. Am I not doing enough? I try to be interesting and suck up to your every whim, im different than when you left me. im entirely devoted to you, I try to give you space even though it feels like death. Maybe I should be more grateful you’re giving me the time of day at all. Be that 1-3 messages on average. Since we’re both a mistake of human beings this should suffice. Still, everytime you’re cold or short with me I feel so worthless I could genuinely die, I want to. I know you’re tired, I know you’re depressed and can’t talk much but everytime you take hours to respond to me at all I feel like falling deeper into this shitty cycle of shitty people and I know damn well there’s no way I can live a normal life again after this, and I can’t help but doubt the fact that you love me at all. If you leave me I know I’ll have to kill myself, cuz then there’ll be nothing else left to stop my intrusive thoughts from torturing me. I’m so disgustingly miserable it’s insane.

I’ll never shake away the pain

I close my eyes, but she’s still there

I let her steal into my melancholy heart

It’s more than I can bear

Now I know she’ll never leave me

Even as she runs away

She will still torment me, calm me, hurt me

Move me, come what may

Wasting in my lonely tower

Waiting by an open door

I’ll fool myself she’ll walk right in

And be with me for evermore