Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

After dating for three years and facing financial difficulties that forced us to live separately with roommates, my partner (32F) and I (27F) are thrilled to finally move in together. This marks the first time both of us will create a living space that's entirely our own, without having to share it with others.

Raised in a staunchly Catholic household, I was exposed to rigorous religious practices from a very young age, which included church every Sunday and frequent prayers. Despite resisting confirmation and enduring my mother's disapproval of my bisexuality—strangely enough, she seems more accepting of homosexuality generally—I eventually moved out at 18 and maintained a cautious relationship with her. She has somewhat softened over the years but still persists in inviting me to church weekly, even though I've expressly asked her not to.

She's polite to my girlfriend largely because she knows I would prioritize my partner over her, especially after my girlfriend was unjustly labeled as a predator due to our age difference. My girlfriend herself has had a painful history with religion, having suffered abuse at the hands of her family after being outed at a young age, all justified by religious beliefs. Her faith in a higher power remains, although she rejects organized religion and worship.

Our collective experiences have led us to establish our new home as a sanctuary free from religious influences. This includes prohibitions on praying, displaying religious symbols, proselytizing, and even discussing religion-related topics. This decision is particularly irksome to my mother, who finds it difficult to abstain from sharing church-related stories with us, and bristles at our rule to conceal her cross necklace while visiting. She accuses us of hypocrisy, but I've stood firm, reminding her of her fortunate position in my life despite our strained relations. Even some friends suggest we might be acting excessively, twisting our traumas into a form of retribution.

Imagining if our life was a part of a reality TV show, I wonder how viewers would perceive our strict no-religion policy in our home. Likely, it would polarize opinions, with some sympathizing with our need to create a safe, secular space due to our past traumas, while others might view us as overbearing or intolerant towards my mother's expressions of faith.

Is the no-religion rule in our home too strict?

When i was young I had a few inappropriate sexual encounters that I think have ruined me more than I realized. As an adult I'm addicted to porn. Not only that, when I first got the internet I was exposed to everything. Gore, porn, underage porn, everything. Now when I'm online I feel like I turn into a numb zombie, with a one track mind. a ride I can't get off, there is no escape and I feel like death is the only way to redeem myself or put an end to these compulsions.

As an adult I spend more time finding porn than actually looking at it. for the last few years I have been trying to find new, different stuff to be excited about. This has turned into me losing control. When the idea pops in my head I jump into the passenger seat of my own mind. I feel like I have no control. I start digging, grey out, then come back to reality, disgusted, depressed, and frantic.

I spend most of my waking hours depressed, frantic, and paranoid. The addiction is no longer fun or satisfying. it is a pure compulsive behavior and I really don't know what to do. The reason for the extreme guilt and disgust is due to the sites I visit. I've always sought amateur Webcam type content, I think traditional porn is too fake. the problem is some of the sites I found with this type of content had underage content. In the moment, it doesn't bother me, afterwards I want to die.

in reality those thoughts are not in my mind. I have come to the conclusion that I seem to be addicted to "finding something not meant to be found" or even worse, im addicted to depression. when i feel good about myself, have a good day or get some kind of self confidence boost, it sends me into a spiral and I feel like i need to remind myself im a huge piece of shit and kick me down where I need to be.

i have never saved or shared any illegal content, the disturbing thing is if you just google the right words everything is easy to find and access. I cant tell anyone, I even started therapy but can't speak the real truth. I don't even know if this is truly anynoymous, at this point I feel like turning myself into the police just so I can be removed from all access to the internet. I don't believe im a bad person, I don't actually have perverse thoughts about doing anything taboo. I'm just addicted to digging into the depths of the internet, getting disgusted with myself, and finding a valid reason to end my own life.

ill probably get judged here, but i really need advice on how to be the person I truly am and get rid of this monster taking over my brain.

I swear to god I have collage so much literally I hate my course and now I can’t even change it and I don’t know what to do bc I can’t js drop out of collage so idk what to even do I hate it so much I thought it was going to be a lot better but no it is the exact same as skl

I HATE COLLAGE !!

No like acc despite it

The last time I was here, I talked about my struggles in getting employed as an autistic girl with issues that directly go against the expectations of a job.

Well, against all odds, I got one! And it's my dream job! Wow!

...or so I thought.

It's zero-hours, minimum-wage, because that's all I could get and I know better than to hope for more. That's not the issue.

The issue is that while my bosses are super accommodating and have tried to allow me my adjustments, I've come to find there are parts of this - and likely every job - that I just can't tolerate.

I come home exhausted and in agony from walking around every day even if I've been allowed to sit as needed.

Customers find fault with me no matter how pleasant I try to be (and then complain to my bosses instead of just telling me? why are people.).

The staff reactions to my existence vary from passive-aggressive judgement (not paranoia, I have caught them laughing at me) to constant verbal digs that I know won't be solved since the one responsible for that holds a lot of responsibilities in the company and I am far more replaceable.

There's a severe lack of routine and communication in a way that is mostly unavoidable due to the nature of the job, supply issues that cannot be easily fixed meaning I get the backlash when we run out, and everything is too loud and too much pretty much all the time.

I've tried my best, I've been there just over a month now, and I was hoping I'd be able to ease into it as we went but over time the cracks are beginning to show in a big and dreadful way. It's like I got everything I wanted, but it's all come out wrong and now it's hurting me instead.

I have no time for hobbies or even basic self-maintenance - I can't cook, I can't clean, I can't anything. I barely eat now - either no energy after work or so anxious I throw up before it. Showering happens only if I force myself to wake up early to do it. My room looks like a bomb hit it, and the sink is full of dishes that neither I nor my dad have the energy to wash.

I don't feel human, which sucks because I'd just got good at feeling human before all this - now I just work and then I come home and shut down until it's time to work again.

"So quit. Just leave, and find another job" - but if I quit I'm back to jobcentre hell and my emotionally abusive dad will never let me hear the end of how he was right that I'd fail at this job.

It's awful but it really doesn't feel like there's any 'good' outcome for me here. I wanted change and I got it, but now I want to go back to how it was.

It's just down to what I'm willing to tolerate more - this job or more years of jobsearching, which will be made longer by the fact I GOT a job, lasted a month, and then left.

I could stay in a job that I hate, that physically hurts me and saps all my energy for anything at all even on the shortest shift, but at least I get paid (until they decide to let me go, like every other place, probably, but we'll burn that bridge when we come to it.)

Or, I can quit, be tormented by my immediate family about it, and go back to soul-crushing jobsearch hell where there's nothing for me AND I'm paid far less, but I'm not in physical pain and I get to actually feel like a human person some of the time.

Neither option is good for me, but I worry I'm going to be pushed into choosing sooner rather than later, so I'd like your thoughts.

i graduated last year and here i am still looking for my first job. it's not that i'm unqualified, but every time there's an interview lined up, the anxiety is unbearable. my heart races like it's about to jump out of my chest. some might say it's just nerves, but it feels way more than that. 😬 i mean, do they really need to ask those questions? those typical 'where do you see yourself in 5 years?' or 'what's your biggest weakness?'. they seem simple, yet they twist my brain into knots;

job hunting was never supposed to be easy, right? i read this quote somewhere: 'success is not the key to happiness; happiness is the key to success.' maybe if i could just get past this panic... but then again, these interviews are critical milestones in one's career trajectory. companies expect you to sell yourself at a moment's notice... feels like you're on trial sometimes. i know others struggle too but god it’s frustrating! 😤 why do i keep freezing up??

i guess industry lingo should help sound smarter or something; things like leveraging synergies or enhancing verticals. honestly though, will anyone buy that coming from someone who's never worked a day as a professional? even typing this out makes me question myself – why can't i just relax and let things flow naturally... or perhaps that's easier said than done?

So I was sexually assaulted, abused and groomed at a very young age by another minor she was my best friend and everything she did to me I struggle with being hypersexual and suicidal + I cannot like myself or be healthy in a friendship with anyone I keep hurting the people around me and I am a very very bad person she made me this version of me and to this day I think it's my fault for being naive enough to let her ruin me I still look at that little girl and think she's so stupid she's getting beaten up on a daily, bullied, humiliated, forced to think she's disgusting, ugly and whatever else you can think of the night I got assaulted it was the only time I was allowed to sleep at her house she was weird the whole day making me change in front of her because girls must show each other everything I made it clear I didn't want to and it led to her taking off my shirt and fondling me this night ruined my sexual drive I have an addiction now and I absolutely feel disgusting and hate myself my body and my life but I want to continue living and to be happy so if anyone is reading this please help me through text (sorry for little to no punctuation and shitty grammar I am not from an English speaking country)

I love my job. After I finished maternity leave I looked for a job that I could turn into career down the line and a place I would be happy at vs switching jobs over and over for years to come. The job is great, the benefits are amazing. They even sent us on a spa day three months into me working there. Now I’ve been there almost 2 years and the employees still barely talk to me, they don’t invite me to hang out outside of work, and they don’t even notify me of changes they make to MY daily schedule.

**Note, I’ve been promoted twice since I started working there because my main focus is to learn, do the job and do it correctly. Other employees, as previously mentioned, my plans to hang out rather than doing the job.

Now we have a new doctor (AKA) boss to which I am the direct assistant to. The office is throwing her a welcome party and it’s not mandatory for me to go but it would look weird for me not to considering my position.

The thing is, this is a casual, after work, off the clock event that they’ve invited the office and their families to. I don’t want to go. I don’t and won’t feel comfortable sitting around for three to five hours with an office full of people that don’t like me. I’m allowed to bring my two year old but I can’t bring a friend or sibling or grandparent to help me watch him while I mingle (which is the purpose of the event). When they said we can bring family, they mean spouse or significant other , neither of which I have.

Am I wrong for not wanting to attend this party??

Bro, I swear, I used to be the hustle guy. You know, the dude waking up at 5 AM, hitting the gym, drinking coffee like it was holy water, grinding 12-hour days like I was building the next Amazon. And then I actually did it. Well, not Amazon, but I sold my company, made a nice chunk of cash, and now… I have nothing to do. Like, literally nothing. No deadlines, no urgent emails, no clients screaming at me. Just me, my bed, and the crippling realization that I have absolutely zero reason to get up before noon. And let me tell you, once your alarm clock stops being a life-or-death situation, waking up early becomes the hardest thing in the world. Like, what am I even waking up for? To stare at my ceiling? To scroll Instagram until I question every life choice I ever made? To drink coffee out of boredom instead of necessity? Nah man, my bed is too comfortable for that nonsense. 😴

At first, I told myself it was just a phase, you know? "Take some time off, relax, recharge," all that good stuff. But now? It’s been months, and I have officially entered pajama gremlin mode. My sleep schedule is so messed up that I’m basically nocturnal. I wake up, maybe make a smoothie if I’m feeling ambitious, then somehow the next thing I know it’s 3 PM, and I’ve accomplished nothing except opening 25 Wikipedia tabs about ancient civilizations and debating if I should start a podcast. And don’t even get me started on productivity hacks. I tried setting alarms—snoozed them all. I tried putting my phone across the room—ended up sleeping on the couch so I wouldn’t have to get up. I even tried the whole “just get up and make your bed” thing, but turns out, if you never get up, the bed stays made forever. Life hack? 🤷

And look, I’m not depressed or anything, I’m actually in a great mood most of the time. But there’s just this weird meh feeling when you have no goals left to chase. It’s like playing a video game where you already beat the final boss, so now you’re just wandering around the map, opening random chests for fun. I even considered starting a new business just to have something to do, but the thought of investor meetings and spreadsheets again makes me wanna hibernate permanently. Plus, what would I even start? "Sleepy CEO Coaching"? "How to Wake Up Late and Still Succeed"? 😂 Nah, man. Maybe I just need a new hobby or something. People say “travel the world”, but traveling alone sounds suspiciously like a lot of effort, and I’m pretty sure I’d just end up sleeping in different time zones instead.

So yeah, how to get out of bed? No clue. If you got tips that don’t involve waking up at ungodly hours or having an existential crisis, let me know. Until then, I’ll just be here, vibing in my blankets, waiting for life to give me a reason to put on pants again. 😆

Hello, thank you so much for reading this, I would really love to hear your opinion on this matter.

I have ocd, and I have been going to this therapist for almost 3 years now and I didn't really see an issue with them, they are very understanding and helpful. My parents when they first met the therapist, there was a little language barrier with my mother and the therapist, but they tried really hard to make this work. My father is the one who usually speaks to my therapist and till now there was no issue, well particularly from me, because it was going smoothly; my parents had this issue: That my therapist and I would have conversations and would not tell them anything what we discussed about, my therapist told me and them that the discussion(?)(I am sorry I am not sure what appropriate word I must use here) is confidential, my therapist explained my parents about my problems, my father understood the issues but I think he didn't like the fact that the improvement would take alot of time, but he did he his very best to support me and so did my mother and my elder sibling.....but they didn't really understand the severity of my ocd which really annoyed them and despite my therapist explaining it to them, they(my parents) would ask why? This was difficult for me because I was and still am having a hard time with my ocd. I failed 11th grade and did 12th grade in open schooling ( my parents didn't like it, but were very supportive, which was good for me). I passed 12th grade and somehow managed to get into an engineering college. My therapist advised us not to choose a difficult subject for my mental wellbeing. But no. I was doing fine in the first semester of college but by the end of it my mental health worsened and I lost all the mental strength I had to continue studying. I made it clear that this was difficult and I needed a year long break from college but my parents didn't want that. I told my concerns to my therapist who sort of agreed that I needed a semester's break, and explained this to my parents. They obviously didn't like the idea and assumed that my therapist put this 'break' mindset into my head and they weren't happy about it. I forced myself to continue college in 2nd semester but I really dreadful in the classes. So before my Lab exam I explained my mental health and difficulty in understanding and keeping up with college and I was mentally exhausted from my ocd. They didn't like it, things became chaotic to kinda to the point of physical and a lot of verbal abuse...I am not looking for empathy because I believe that I have my faults in here. In the heat of the moment my family said really heartbreaking things obviously but then started blaming my therapist for all of this situation, they said that my therapist brainwashed me into thinking certain things and how much I behave like an addict. A lot of bad things were said to and obviously I got affected by it. After a few days my family and my college teacher convinced me to finish the exams and now here I am suffering to even think something and at this point I am pretty sure my therapist was done with my parents shit and wouldn't really text me back when I needed their support... at one point I sent a long message telling my therapist how I didn't want to continue college being in this terrible state and I am not quitting on education! I saw a text from my dad's phone on a whim and turns out my therapist sent a whole screenshot of our conversation. I don't know what to do here everything is so unclear, I for some stupid reason checked my therapists reviews online didn't really find any negative reviews about them. I am confused here, my family dislikes my therapist and I don't know what to think of and am I wrong to assume that my therapist is not that great at all? Despite all the good things people said about her? What do I do????!!!!

I have a friend who I call my sister. It did not start out that way. We met in social interactive chat room. I was curious about my sexuality, and this space let me explore that. She came into that room and we chatted she almost left, but I got her to stay and chat.

Now mind you I was already in a relationship with my now partner of 20 years. At the time I met my friend me and my partner had been together about 10 years. My partner is rather non adventurous when it comes to intimate exploration. I wanted explore my sexuality before I made a full commitment. mind you I only explored online not in person. All this is relevant.

At the time me and my friend only chatted online and threw video chat. It was wonderful we connected as friends. Nothing sexual, just two friends chatting. Occasionally it got raunchy, but it remained online and not in person. She did not push and neither did I.

My friend was suppose to come out to visit, but she ended up moving to where I lived. She moved out with 2 friends who ended up stealing from her and abandoning her. They left her stranded. She had by then found work and had people who helped her when her 2 friends abandoned her.

Before things went south me and my friend after she moved out to where I lived hung out and explored and got know each other in person. One thing led to another and we got sexual. She was into women, and I was exploring that aspect of my life.

It lasted a good year or two (the sexual exploration). But, there was a rift that was happening between me and my partner, and I stepped the sexual exploration with my friend.

My friend also has some mental health issues. she has had 2 thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore when she was out living in the city I lived in. Each time I took it seriously. She lived there for 9 years. Then her only parent got terminally ill and she had to move back to help her parent. Mind at that time one of my own parents had died, and financially things were not looking good.

My friend asked if I wanted to move back to where she grew up. It was less expensive and when discussing it with my partner we agreed, and moved back to the city she grew up.

The move was 2 years ago. I have since gone back to visit the city I use to live in for a friends wedding. My friend came with me because she recently had surgery and need help. I was the only one who has been helping her. Also her parent has since passed and her other parent passed years ago so she has no one. I stepped up to help her. So she came with us, and was miserable the whole time. Even though I took her to explore our old haunts while we were there.

On the last day she questioned me and grilled me about why our sexual interactions stopped. And I told her that I had lost my labedo and really had no desire for sex not just with her, but also my partner. Who I am still with. Still keeps hounding me about, three days after we have back to the city she grew up in. She is now talk about not wanting to be around anymore, how she cannot find a partner. How she has nothing to stick around for. Now that her only parent is gone she has no purpose anymore. How she cannot find any sexual release (she is hypersexual, due SA).

I am exhausted, I trying to get her to see how valuable she to as a friend and adopted sister. But it turns into arguments. I am doing my best but we are fighting. My partner say I just need to be patient with, but I don't take thoughts of wanting to end lightly. I am mentally and physically exhausted. I don't know what to do. What does one do? Any ideas? I am not afraid of being told I am in the wrong or what I have done wrong

look so there was this guy i was dating like since october ish and we were on and off a lot for like awhile okay maybe 2 months ago is when we like stopped being on and off so much. during the time i wasnt talking to him i met this other guy. now before i continue lets call my ex 1 and this new guy 2. so i started to really like 2 like a lot and i guess he started to like me as well. we didnt really define what we were but we would always say we were just friends right. so one night i was on a trip and i had an argument with 2 and i was just really sad and oh my god did i miss 1 so much. like i literally unblocked him and decided to text him . this was probably such a bad decision ever. after i texted 1 it was probably already really late at night so he didnt respond until the next morning. after he responded i started to talk with him a lot like A LOT to the point where we added eachother back on everything. now this was really bad bc i still was really in love with 1 but i kinda still had a crush on 2. a few days go by wtv wtv. and i was back from my trip so the night i got back i believe i decided to call 2. now it was like maybe 10pm around that time and sometimes when we call we just decide to screenshare and watch tiktoks wtv wtv. so anyway we were watching tiktok together until he told me to go to my ig dms. and i was like "what why?" and 2 continued to say "well i saw u followed u ex back, can u show me ur dms w him" now i obviously said no bc in the dms i was literally saying how i stilled loved him. so this proceeded for awhile of him asking to see the dms and i just continued to say no. then 2 threatened to block me or whatever and i was like what? now mind u i still had a crush on 2, it was really bad like i ended up blocking 1 and then wtv wtv happened. i fucked up so bad bro like idk WHY i listened to 2. but anyway maybe a few weeks go by later and i started to talk to my old friend and we didnt talk for awhile, lets call her 3 okay. so i started to talk with her blah blah and my ex came up into the topic along with her ex bc my ex and her ex are like best friends basically. anyway we started talking about them right until she had the smart idea to fucking re add him or whatever. so after that happens a WHOLE fucking gc is made bro. so my ex her ex and their other friend were in the gc. now 3's ex and the other guy start full on bashing me bro like being hella mean. now at this time me and 2 were arguing (again btw) so i didnt really gaf. i ended up leaving the gc bc i was just so upset over everything until MY EX added me bro. oh my god. so i added him back and we started talking. so at this point 2 was gone he blocked me bc i "did something wrong" apparently. and i was like yes now i have my ex back everything will be good. um no so after me and my ex start talking again 2 FUCKING ADDS ME AGAIN. oh my GODDD. it gets so bad bc now AGAIN i started to talk to both of them at the same time (NOT LIKE ACTUALLY TALKING OR WTV) and my feelings started going back to 2. so 2 knew i was talking to 1 but 1 didnt know i was talking to 2. so this was like really really bad. one day i was at school and 1 texts me and is like "yo why are u talking to 2 again i thought u were over with him" after i responded to this me and 1 had the biggest argument ever and he said "its either him or me im not doing this" and i said i was gna block 2 (which i never did and i WISH i did) so since i didnt block him in time 1 ends up unadding me again and i havent talked to him since. rn im kinda still talking w 2 but i FUCKING HATE HIM. like oh MY GODDD. hes so annoying hes literally so sensitive over EVERY little thing. like today he got upset bc i didnt snap him back right away. HELLO. bro i wish i was like born in the dawn of time bro where phone nd shit didnt exist so i wouldnt have to to this stupid streak nonsense. like when people say social media killed romance like it may sound corny but its so fucking true. irrelevant but, i really just want to get rid of 2 and start talking w 1 again. but i think 1 genuinely hates me. look idk what to do but i honestly might just block 2 and not end up talking to 1 bc i think i just need a break from like everything. like boy drama isnt worth it. but please i hope someone reads this so SOMEONE can answer my poll.

I've been assisting my employer for nearly a year now, and after only two months into my tenure, I decided to resign from my weekend job at a local store. I wanted to reclaim my weekends, but when I informed my boss, he assumed it meant I was open to working occasional Saturdays—a commitment I never made. He has a quadriplegic condition, requiring around-the-clock assistance, which makes him very selective about his caregivers. Although I understand his need for choosiness, his excessively small team doesn't afford him that luxury. We’re just five in the schedule, which becomes challenging. As the youngest, the responsibility frequently falls on me to cover Saturdays when others are unavailable. This month alone, I've worked nearly every Saturday, leading to severe burnout. I've also started to believe I might be on the autism spectrum, which could explain the intensity of this exhaustion. I need a few days to recuperate after a week's work, but at 20, expectations on me are immense.

Besides work, my social support is dwindling. My best friend since second grade recently moved to Montreal, and my other close friend lives far enough that I’m too spent to visit. My boyfriend’s place is where I spend most of my free time, as socializing has become too taxing due to my job. My boyfriend often compares his factory job, saying his 10-hour shifts are tougher, which feels dismissive. After prepping my boss each morning and getting him into his wheelchair, my job isn't tough—handling his home and yard. However, it feels overwhelming when sleep-deprived, especially when he, possibly unwittingly, says things that upset me. It's been tough getting any validation for my feelings about my work; instead, they often get downplayed or ignored. I just wish for my Saturdays back; the rare weekends off aren’t enough for me to feel truly recuperated. It’s as if my feelings are invalid, though I know they’re not. He subtly makes us feel guilty for not taking shifts, knowing well he needs us, but I can’t sacrifice my well-being anymore. Does this make me selfish?

If my situation were showcased on a reality show, I wonder how the audience would react. Would they see my side and the exhaustion I feel, or would they deem me ungrateful for not dedicating more to someone in need? Reality TV often amps up emotions and maybe my genuine stress would resonate with viewers, or perhaps they'd judge me harshly, influenced by dramatic portrayals and edits.

Am I the asshole for buying everyone ice cream?

my family seems to think I am.

my grandma's birthday is in a few days but she's been sick and bummed out, not to mention I'm working a lot and my mom has been bothering me about cleaning my room... so I gave my grandma her presents early. which she loved but I suppose it was my fault because this is where this issue starts...

my grandma didn't feel great and wanted me to take her to the store, I went and while she was shopping I got gas. she gave me $10 towards it which was nice. I would tell her to keep it but for people that understand out there ...doing that is more trouble than it's worth. normally I would sneak it back into her purse or a coat pocket so it's a surprise when she finds money around but she wanted to get ice cream so I decided to use some coupons and order it ahead since she wasn't feeling well. however you want to think of it.... I used the $10 either towards my gas or towards her gigantic sundae, I wasn't going to ask for any more money.

I decided to buy my mom and stepdad a little ice cream too, I know what they like... but when I got home they didn't say thank you. my mother called me fat and uncontrollable, especially noticing that their 2 sundaes were a medium instead of a large like mine and my grandma's. my stepdad said he didn't need it and when the time came later for a snack they openly grabbed chips. they do this often so I'm bothered by it but probably not as much as another person would be or I should be.

meanwhile... everyone had gotten a different ice cream. I could tell which one was which by size and toppings. my grandma had her ice cream in her freezer, before she went to bed (8pm) she said she didn't feel good and wasn't eating it tonight, not a problem. I left and around 9 when I went for my ice cream, eating past the toppings I chose for myself I noticed the ice cream place messed up, that ice cream wasn't my ice cream.. I assumed it was switched with my grandma's or they just gave me ice cream with nuts which I do not eat so I put the ice cream back in the freezer to figure out tomorrow when I got up and my grandma was awake so I could dig through her toppings to see if that was actually 'her ice cream' under there and if it really was a mistake then I would just scoop my ice cream out and switch.

I went to sleep. The next morning I got up and asked if she had eaten the ice cream, how she was feeling, etc..

"oh I was so sick last night. I got up in the middle of the night and had 'a little' ice cream blah blah.. why?"

"a little? oh ok good. I was wondering because I was trying to eat mine and when I got past my toppings on the one side I could see that wasn't my ice cream. I ordered everyone butter pecan with extra nuts.. I guess the girl was confused because I got butter pecan but with all my toppings on top"

"but you don't like nuts"

"yea I know. at first I thought maybe she mixed our ice cream up and I was going to check to see if you got my Oreo but since you had 'a little' how was it?"

"don't get me ice cream anymore"

?

"it tasted funny"

??? *walking to the freezer, prepared to get her ice cream to check but stops*

"it was probably my taste buds since I'm sick. yea, I ate the whole thing"

"... I thought you said you had 'a little'?"

"no I ate the whole thing"

"even though 'it tasted funny'?"

"well that was just my taste buds. I pushed through it"

"well.... I ...okaaay.. so.... what color was the ice cream?"

"it was ice cream"

"yes. what color? black? white? gray?"

"yea it was like black"

"that was my ice cream"

"you gave it to me!"

"yea because I thought it was yours. your toppings were on top. we both had different toppings so..."

"ok well then give me my ice cream"

...?

"the ice cream you still have. you didn't eat it right? the yellow butter pecan.. that was mine so give it to me."

"it has all my toppings on it.. you won't like that.."

"I'll pay you for it"

"no no it's ok"

I didn't take her money. I took off my toppings as best I could and gave her the ice cream. she complained to my mother about something because a while later my mother says something like "I can't believe you took her money, it's ice cream! her birthday is next week that could have been her present"

I didn't say anything and idk what was said by who but.... I got my grandmother at least $50 of stuff. sure she gave me $10 'for gas' but I'm paying for her Netflix and with her $10 Starbucks and the $12 ice cream for her... and that's just TODAY. I get people things all the time. PLUS I buy my mother's birthday cake and my grandma's cake every year....

I ignored what my mother and stepdad said again. I asked my grandma how the ice cream was, if it was better than the previous one. she said "it was ok. I still can't taste right but I know that there was no basically no toppings on it and the few things that were there weren't even what I liked. (name) you have to remember I like nuts. lots and lots of nuts, and caramel. this didn't have that"

"yea ..all the nuts and the caramel were on the first one you ate. this one I took the toppings off because I knew you wouldn't like it"

"yeaaa... that first one tasted funny. just don't get me ice cream anymore"

my mother walked by in that moment, overhearing, and decided to tell me that no one needed or wanted ice cream, and I should be more thoughtful since some people are lactose intolerant. my grandma and stepdad basically agreed saying they didn't ask for any of that.

so I guess I'm just some wicked witch pushing my evil lactose on people, talking about my topping agenda.

I used to dream of having a home, a family… a life filled with love and warmth.

But now, just thinking about it makes me feel sick

love doesn’t feel beautiful anymore. It feels heavy, even disgusting.

Maybe because I’ve been through so many failed relationships.

Maybe because I once loved someone narcissistic who made me hate everything love stands for.

Maybe because I gave so much of myself to people… and got nothing back.

Now, I feel numb. Like I’ve lost the part of me that used to feel.

Sometimes my mind drifts toward physical desire, but even that feels wrong. I’m a Muslim, I’m Arab and that alone comes with its own struggle and shame 😁

So I hold myself back. Alone. Every single time.

And maybe that’s why I started resenting men — or even the idea of starting something new with anyone.

I feel lonely, yes. Deeply lonely.

But I’ve pulled away from everyone. I barely talk to people anymore. I just bury myself in work and try not to feel.

I just want to feel okay again.

I want to be normal. To be human again. Like I used to

Hi everyone! I know this is a long shot, but if anyone is kind enough to help me with $50, I would be incredibly grateful. It would really help me out right now. Thank you so much for your kindness and consideration. ❤️