Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Im 15, female I feel like I can’t turn to anyone right now even to family and friends, but I can’t even talk to anyone anyways because my mom had taken away my phone for a month because of my grades and I’m not sure when I’ll get it back. And my family can’t even handle their own feelings and yell too much so I don’t know or wanna know how they would handle mine, I’m uploading this on a computer by the way. I don’t have a problem with my phone getting taken away but she thinks I’m too distracted with it even though school ended a month ago, so when I went on call with one of my friends on a zoom meeting because I was getting lonely and I didn’t have anything else to do. She came in my room and I tried to turn off my computer because I knew she would get angry and she did. And she was also mad at the fact that I was trying to hide it from her, so she just started yelling at me how I never tell anything to her but I don’t like to because she assumes the worse about me when I explain. She asked if I was hungry after she yelled at me but I said no because why would I wanna eat around her right after that so she walked out of my room leaving my door open and started yelling again that she’s gonna take away my door and that I can choose not to eat then become anorexic and she made sure I heard too then she was just like “but Im right though” like that would give her an excuse to say that. I honestly don’t know why she even said that, it’s not even about the devices anymore. I didn’t know how to react when she said that I felt so numb at the moment. This was too difficult for me to tell anyone I know and her words hurt me so bad for the past few days and even now she did that right before my birthday in June. I didn’t really want to do anything for my birthday the next day. And I feel like all of that is too normalized in my family and maybe it’s because of generational trauma idk anymore because my mom acted normal towards me the next day. My relationship with my mom wasn’t always like that though I was a mommy’s girl because my dad is present in my life, and after my mom said all of that she was like “what happened to my little sunshine” but I don’t know what happened either. This summer break made me realize that school is an escape from my house and I think all of done this summer was lay in my bed and hope no one came to bother me in my room. Im pretty scared for the future especially the future generation because as I keep getting older expectations get higher, I know it may be apart of life but maybe Im not fit for existing here. I do hope I can get through it though because things can change in the future. This was hard for me to share even anonymously please be kind to me.

I have been constantly in a bad mental state, started recording my emotions down every now and then to keep a record and most of them were very low and I often recorded being depressed and uncomfortable around my family and people in general. I am seriously struggling with my life and thought about ending it a few times. I started mild SH to not get caught by my parents. I told my mom that I needed help but I was ignored. Due to my family being extremely religious they thought that my struggle was because I wasn’t close enough to god or something. They won’t let me get therapy and I’ve reached a point where I can no longer talk to anyone and all I do is pretend I’m okay because I know I’ll never receive help. I honestly don’t know what to do with my life anymore.

I'm not ok, I think. I haven't slept in three days, haven't eaten a thing today except for some Smarties and don't plan to eat anything else. I just feel like I'm sinking in the deep end. All my friends are changing and I'm left behind, the same as I've always been, wondering where everyone else went. I just need to grow up, people tell me that all the time, sometimes to be reassuring and sometimes to be insulting, but I can't, I don't change even when everyone else does. I'll always be me, the one who hides everything inside and only shows people what they want, but yet I'm still hated and ridiculed because I did something wrong, because I refused someone's help, because I forgot to be who they wanted me to be. I just wish I could show them the person inside, with no fear that they'd hate me more than they do. Everyone around me only tolerates me, and barely at that. Maybe I'm being a drama queen, people often say that I am, but I'm just so sick and tired of being misunderstood. They see me as an attention seeker when I try to hint at the fact that maybe I need more help than I'm letting on. Everyone's tired of my crap. I constantly give people issues, I start fights, I don't deserve to be here. People would be better off without me. Don't worry, I have something to remind me that death is never the only way out of things. But that reminder hasn't been working as well lately. Nobody really even likes me. I'm a hypocrite, and idiot, a weirdo, and nuisance, a burden on this world. I'm hanging on but barely. I keep stumbling through the tunnel but the light is getting dimmer. The clouds are coming back. The sun is gone. I am unlovable and unloved. No one wants to even try with me anymore. And it's not like I can tell anyone this. They'd never understand.

i am 41 years old and i am a woman and i am so damn tired of my own brain!!! ten years ago i cheated on my husband and yeah i know how that sounds and i know what people think and honestly i have thought it all myself a thousand times already!!! it was one stupid messy year of my life when i felt invisible and angry and bored and selfish and i made a choice that still sticks to me like gum on a shoe!!! my husband never found out and before you ask yes that fact alone makes me feel like a fake grown adult with a mortgage and a calm smile and a dirty secret!!! i go to work i cook dinner i pay bills i say thank you and sorry and good morning like a normal person while my head randomly screams remember that thing you did!!! it pops up when i am folding laundry or driving or brushing my teeth and i just want my brain to shut the hell up!!! i have read articles i have heard therapists say forgive yourself and move on and yeah sure sounds cute in theory!!! i even wrote it down once like some motivational crap from a podcast quote “you are not your worst mistake” and i laughed because wow that felt fake!!! i am rude to myself about it all the time and i replay the nights and the lies and the thrill and the shame and i hate that part of me and also hate that i cannot delete it!!! how do you stop thinking about something when your mind treats it like unpaid debt!!! do you ever feel like you already served the sentence but your brain keeps adding years!!!

i am trying though and i want to say that out loud because maybe someone needs to hear it!!! i am trying to stop beating myself with the same stick every damn day!!! i remind myself that ten years is a long time and i am not that woman anymore even if she still lives in my memory!!! i remind myself that guilt is not the same as accountability and that endless punishment is not noble it is just dumb!!! sometimes i literally say out loud shut up already and it helps a bit!!! sometimes i tell myself this is not useful thinking and i move on like a tired manager closing a bad meeting!!! i think about how many good years i have given my marriage since then and how many honest moments exist now!!! i read somewhere maybe in a random book or a stupid tweet that said “thoughts are just thoughts not commands” and yeah that stuck with me!!! i am hopeful in a quiet stubborn way!!! i think healing is boring and slow and annoying and not poetic at all!!! but maybe stopping the thinking is not about erasing it and more about not feeding it!!! so i ask you reading this do you have something old and rotten that your brain drags out for no reason!!! do you also want to move the hell on and live!!! if so maybe we both start today and decide that enough is enough!!! because honestly life is short and i am done letting one bad chapter act like the whole damn book!!!

I think I am going to go insane living with my grandmother because god forbid I am late to make my bed one day and suddenly I am a ungrateful do nothing when I have told her time and time again to just say when she needs me to help her I can not read her mind because when you offer to help she tells you no or gets mad. She wants me to find a job and I am trying my hardest but the job market isnt the greatest right now so I would lovee to see her try! I try and keep to myself just so I dont piss her off but today was the day I was late to making my bed and she said I know you are a busy women (sarcastically) but when are you going to make your bed and I responded with I was about to and her response was no you werent until I said something so I simply said no I was going to make the bed in a second to which she said dont get smart with me. I am a generally blunt and dry person as she knows and makes jokes about. Literally losing it over here and can not wait for when I get job and a house of my own.

I'm only going to speak of a specific medical issue I'm currently dealing with right now. Which probably isn't actually a good thing that I'm typing this on a digital device... But I sorta have an addiction to digital device use. Not specifically social media, but just the use the digital media.

Anyway...

According to the CA Emergency Room. It's normal for me to have ocular migraines. They said that the excruciating pain would be normal. But also, according to my Psychiatrist, I can only take Advil or Tylenol😭! Due to certain circumstances.

The symptoms I have when the ocular migraines happen are:

Complete and utter pain starting behind my left eye. It migrates to pain in my left nostril. Then the pain moves along to my upper left side jaw. The stickles down to my lower left side jaw. The it enjoys a nice right through the left side of my neck. And ends it's painful adventure through my left are down to my pink finger🤕!

Light and temperature play a factor too. If it's too bright... It hurts🔆. If the temperature is too cold... It hurts🌡️. And unfortunately for me... I run really hot... So these migraines make it difficult for me to adjust the temperature, since I haven't learned how to use my cousins thermostat thingy on the wall🫠. And all I need is the left side of my face, neck, and arm to be warm... Not my whole body😫!

At least the Nivea lotion I have is really good at drying my skin out, so I don't have to worry too much about the sweat🥵!

But that's not the point.

I went to the ER while I was in pain and unbalanced as well... And they said it's normal😒.

I went to a neurologist as well... All test came back normal😮‍💨.

I went for blood work... Guess what... Normal🥴.

So, according to many doctors opinions... Being in immense pain, and not being able to walk is... "Normal" for someone who doesn't experience this everyday😑.

Also, the cause of symptoms are based on how much I'm anxious about something, someone, or somewhere😥.

And my life right now is just all about that anxiousness🤪!!

And I wouldn't be responding to any story's/things I've written on this site for a while. Until I get better. I do like to respond to comments... So when I'm better... I'll respond to all the comments or questions later😌🙏🏻✨!!

I am not very use to have friends, at least not the kind of friends where you can just write something random during the day and not feel like you are disturbing them or being too dramatic. Most of my life, I was more the polite person in the background, the one who can speak with people, make jokes when needed, help with something practical, and then disappear without anyone really noticing. So when I became close to my friend almost a year ago, it honestly felt strange, but in a good way. We have alot of common interests, and our conversations can go from very ordinary subjects to oddly specific debates about things nobody else in my life would probably care about. I think that is why I started caring about him more than I expected. It was not some huge cinematic friendship, but more like a steady notification in my life that I was actually happy to receive.

Recently, he lost his mother, and I have been feeling quite clumsy about it. I want to console him, but I keep having the social confidence of a badly updated software release. I know grief is not something I can fix with a motivational sentence or a cup of coffee, but I also do not want to just stand there doing nothing. I sent him a message saying that I was really sorry, that I was there for him, and that he did not have to answer if he did not feel like it. Then I stared at the message like it was a professional incident report and started wondering if it sounded too cold, too much, too little, or somehow all of those things at once. I wanted to write something kind and not turn into a strange customer support email;

The difficult part is that I do care, very much, but I am not always good at the emotional “front-end” of friendship. Inside, I feel worried for him, sad, and even a bit protective. Outside, I probably look like someone trying to choose the correct button on a machine they have never used before. I remember one time, months ago, when I was feeling down about something personal. It was not a tragedy like losing a parent, of course, but I felt quite lost. He did not make a grand speech or pretend to have the perfect answer. He just listened, made one or two small jokes at the right moment, and somehow made the whole situation feel less heavy. I think about that now because maybe I do not need to produce a perfect speech either. Maybe I only need to stay available, gently, without forcing him to perform sadness or gratitude.

Still, I overthink everything. Should I message him every few days, or is that annoying? Should I offer to meet, or will that feel like pressure? Should I say “your mother” or avoid saying it because it might hurt? It is strange how caring about someone can turn simple communication into a full operational protocol. In my opinion, people who grew up with many close friendships maybe know these things more naturally. They understand the rhythm, the escalation level, the right amount of presence. I am still learning the basic user manual. I want to tell him that he can speak about her if he wants, or not speak at all if that is easier. I want to tell him that we can go for a walk, eat something, talk about nonsense, or just sit there like two tired people existing in the same room. But I also do not want to sound like I am planning a grief management workshop, because that would be terrible and probably very me.

I suppose the best I can do is be honest, warm, and a bit less afraid of being imperfect. He probably does not need me to become some wise philosopher with perfectly ironed sentences. He needs, maybe, a friend who remembers him, who checks in without making it all about himself, and who can keep a little normality alive while his world feels abnormal. I cannot remove the loss, and I know it would be ridiculous to think I could. But I can be present in small ways. I can send a message that says, “I’m thinking about you today,” even if it sounds simple. I can listen if he wants to speak, and I can accept silence if he does not. I can continue sharing our usual strange conversations when he is ready, because maybe ordinary things can also be a kind of comfort. I am not an expert in friendship, and I will probably make some awkward mistakes, but my intention is real. I hope that, even through my clumsy words, he can understand that he is not alone.

Hey! It's Caralia. So if you've read Caralia and Luna part 2, you have the full story. This is NOT a continuation of that story. Go check that out, anyways!

So, as we previously know, Jaylen was part of the same friend group as Willow (girl that bullied me). btw, Willow went back to the original friend group she was talking mess about. Jaylen was telling me what happened yesterday, and it went something like this.

Jaylen texted that she was kinda friends with a controversial person Ria in a group chat with Willow and friends > The entire group was shocked, but quiet about opinions. > The following day at lunchtime, Jaylen was talking to Willow and friends and said that she was cool with Ria, but not completely friends > Willow was overreacting, jumping around, and yelling all about Jaylen's a traitor, a liar, and completely judging Jaylen for having separate friends. > Jaylen tries to handle it respectfully

As Jaylen was telling me, many people in that group chat started avoiding Jaylen, and Jaylen is going to confront Willow. STAY UPDATED!!

Last thing, thanks for reading. If you don't want to write a comment, vote in poll.

hey there, folks! so, the weirdest thing happened the other day, and it got me thinking about this peculiar phenomenon that's been a part of my life for as long as i can remember. you know when you're about to do something really nerve-wracking, like giving a speech or going on a first date, and suddenly, you feel that unpleasant urge to visit the restroom? well, that's exactly what happened to me, and i gotta say, it's both embarrassing and fascinating at the same time. have you ever experienced that? apparently, it's a pretty common thing and science has an answer for it, believe it or not; our bodies are just wired to respond that way. now, i'm not trying to bore you with a biology lesson here, but here's the gist of it: when we get nervous, our fight-or-flight response kicks in, and that triggers a whole bunch of reactions in our body, including the need to 'go'. it's like our bodies are preparing to run away from danger, and, well, we all know that running with a full bladder (or worse) is definitely not ideal. speaking from personal experience, it really does make an already anxious situation even more awkward. like, for instance, when i had this important job interview recently, i mean, i was sweating bullets and all, but then... the dreaded bathroom feeling hit me, and i was just like, 'not now, please!' i honestly don't know why it can't just wait, you know? wouldn't it be great if our bodies could just chill until a more appropriate time? honestly, i can't be the only one finding this both intriguing and downright inconvenient. so i remembered reading somewhere, might've been on a health blog or something, that this all relates to the sympathetic nervous system and the adrenaline rush that sends our bodies into overdrive. it's kind of cool how our bodies are so efficient in one sense, but, at the same time, it’s like, 'come on, what gives?' anyway, i've learned some tricks to calm my nerves a bit, like deep breathing and visualizing more relaxed situations, but let's be real, it's an ongoing struggle. you ever tried to focus on your breathing? i swear, sometimes it works, other times not so much. but hey, life is full of these quirky experiences, right? it's all about making the most of it and maybe even sharing a laugh or two at our own expense. so, have you ever found yourself in the same boat, or am i just being overly dramatic? ain't it funny how our bodies have a mind of their own sometimes? i'm sure there's probably a name for this whole ordeal, some fancy scientific term, but whether i remember it or not doesn't change a thing. guess we all just have to roll with it and hope that next time, our nerves will be a bit kinder to our digestive system. but all jokes aside, isn't it fascinating how human bodies are such complex machines? keep smiling, folks!

At 23 years old, I found myself startled by the insistent buzzing of the doorbell while cozied up in bed. In our no-frills apartment building, which lacks a concierge or any sort of fancy amenities, the buzzing generally signals a delivery. However, our tiny mailboxes aren't quite equipped for larger parcels. Since the pandemic began, many delivery services have adopted a policy where they consider a package officially delivered if they snap a photo of it in front of an open door - a policy that plays a significant role in this entire ordeal.

A few years ago, I had a somewhat bitter encounter with the man living below me. I had once accepted a large package for this grumpy neighbor during his absence. Despite knocking on his door daily for a week, there was no response. Eventually, he stormed up to my door, fuming and accusing me of hoarding his delivery. After presenting him with his undisturbed parcel and explaining my repeated attempts at contact, he snatched it without a word of thanks and stomped off. I vowed then never to meddle with his deliveries again.

Just a few days ago, this policy was put to the test. The delivery man buzzed, requesting to drop off a parcel intended for this same neighbor, but I quickly declined to accept it on his behalf. Perplexed, the courier buzzed again, politely inquiring if I could at least grant him entry to the building to approach my other neighbors. Perhaps feeling guilty for my earlier refusal and recognizing the courier was merely doing his job, I buzzed him into the lobby.

Moments later, I was startled by a knock at my door. The door was slightly ajar, revealing the parcel now abandoned at my doorstep, with the courier busily photographing it. Anger flared within me as I kicked the parcel away and demanded he delete the photograph. He appeared to think I was overreacting and moved on to attempt delivery with another neighbor.

Was it unreasonable of me to react so strongly? The core of my frustration lies in the risk of another confrontation with that disagreeable neighbor. If he saw the photo implying I had accepted the delivery, and then the parcel subsequently went missing, wouldn't that spark an even larger dispute?

Imagine if this situation unfolded on a reality TV show. The dramatic confrontation, heightened emotions, and intense disputes could indeed make for riveting television. Viewers might speculate on the various outcomes, critique my handling of the situation, or empathize with the stress of dealing with difficult neighbors and ambiguous delivery policies.

Would the audience side with me, feeling the tension of potential conflict, or would they find my actions overly dramatic? Reality TV thrives on such interpersonal drama, and this episode would likely be no exception.

What if I was on a reality show in this situation?

Ive thought about her a lot lately. I wonder where she is and I hope she’s happier now. But I just have so many regrets, why didn’t I try to contact her the year after she moved? We were so close, I had known her since kindergarten but I just wanted to act like I didn’t care. And maybe thats the problem, we’re all trying to act like we dont care and that nothing bothers us. Maybe thats why she did what she did, and maybe if someone showed her they cared she could be enjoying the life she deserved. Why can’t we just show the people around us we care. I miss you I really do. How can I ever really live happily when I know I didn't help her at all and now she's gone?

My family adopted a cat in december, well she adopted us. And I wanna know how to make great games for her because sometimes she seems a little bit bored.

Soo from how u have lived. What do you think a 16 yr old should know? Or in the process of knowing?? Or like matured from??

So, here's the deal!!! I've been grappling with this feeling of not being attracted to anyone!!! Like, anyone at ALL!!! It's not that I've turned into some emotionless robot or lost the ability to appreciate a good Netflix series with a captivating lead actor; it's just that when it comes to the realm of attraction, I feel like I'm floating in some sort of void!!! Is there a term for this in the emotional intelligence handbook??? Maybe I missed the memo at the last group therapy session!!! The funny thing is, this isn't one of those existential crises where I ponder the meaning of life or explore the depths of some philosophical abyss - nah, it's much simpler than that and perhaps less dramatic!!! Gotta love the simplicity of life sometimes, eh???

Even when faced with the seemingly omnipresent societal pressure to "find someone special," it's like I'm holding the Hogwarts Express ticket to nowhere!!! Maybe I'm surfing through a dry spell in the emotional attraction department, or it's just that my internal radar's been jammed!!! Anyone else in the same canoe??? Because, honestly, I'm ready to trade stories like battle-hardened veterans of the romantic war zone!!! "Houston, we have a problem!", I jokingly say to myself!!! Is there a manual for this stuff, or did IKEA forget to include it with life's assembly instructions??? Yet, strangely, I'm not worried at all!!! It’s like I’ve read somewhere, "Not all those who wander are lost," a Tolkien gem!!! So, perhaps this phase, albeit perplexing, has a purpose, maybe self-discovery rather than chasing heartbeats!!! Ah well, guess I'll continue to navigate this peculiar territory like a semi-curious, half-exasperated detective until the plot thickens, bringing unforeseen revelations and maybe a snippet of insight!!! Until then, cheers to the void - it’s oddly liberating, don’t you think???

Everytime someone is trying to fix something it always comes out the worst but it's fine it is what it is lol