Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

A couple of years ago, I had a fight with my dad over getting my device taken away from me. While I was leaving the argument, I slammed the door behind me due to how pissed I was. My dad proceeded to open the door, grab my wrists and give me a huge smack and yell at me. My sister and mum were away at this moment so I went to cry on the couch without an apology.

A few years later, we go to this cat cafe one day to shoot the breeze. He tells me he booked an appointment but going up to the receptionist, she says the appointment didn't register. He starts yelling and complaining while I'm just standing there awkwardly. I look over to the only customer in the waiting room and he looks awkward too. I remember while walking out of the building I heard him say something about leaving a negative review on the business' google page and I'm just over it. It was only half an hour later at a shopping centre where on top of that embarrassing moment he kept on yelling at me that I own barely any clothes that I broke down where he continue badgering me about why I was crying (read the room, dipshit).

Tonight I was eating dinner with my dad and sister, I put in yoghurt into my food and said to my dad "you put out yoghurt instead of sour cream" which we typically put on this meal instead. I give him sort of a joking-annoyed face and he suddenly goes ballistic about my attitude (the pot calls the kettle black...) and basically throws the sour cream and a spoon onto the table. I continued eating my dinner in silence and then went to my room. An hour later he comes in and apologises, which would have been fine but he gets anger at these small things so frequently that I'm having a hard time accepting it but basically says that its my fault for having an attitude.

These are only a few instances of shitty things he's done because if I listed them all, this post would be a novel. I'm just so sick of him. He's such a miserable sod and so damn hypocritical that I'm surprised my parents are still together when its obvious my mum is afraid of him too (for instance, after another 'yelling at employee' incident, my sister starts to complain and mum basically responds with "let's just see how he goes" instead of doing anything about it). I like to think I'm a forgiving person and I try to give the benefit of the doubt but he makes it so damn difficult. It feels like I'm walking on eggshells every time I do something remotely mean-spirited. I honestly might just dump him in a retirement village when I'm older if this continues.

i had a bf, i genuinely loved him more than anything in this world, i was ready to do everything and anything for him. i was very serious about him so i thought ok let me do it with him, i was happy at first, but later things changed..

the first time we did it idk it was so lusty but i ignored it. and then as time went he used to become distant and barely texted me, and if we ever met it was only making out and sex, and particularly cuz he kept begging for it. i was very stupid enough to agree to everything although he treats me like im his fwb. he used to beg me for blowjob and sex and he'd keep asking until i say yes, one day i slapped him cuz he was forcing me to do it, he faked his tears so hard BYE WTF. but ukw i still had to console him and let him cry on my shoulders for what he did, i felt so shit, what had i gotten myself into in the name of love. and once again we met, had sex, midway i started crying, i had never weeped so loud infront of a man or anyone at all, i cried and i asked "why dont you love me anymore" he said no i do love you and tried to brush it off, his words never matched his actions, he was cold and distant, used to meet his ex behind my back.

once we had broken up, that time i had flirted with a dude and after few days my bf and i started talking again cuz we thought of getting back and thought we could fix the problem. i came clean and told him bout flirting with someone. he told me tht he never expected this whore behaviour from me, and my periods had been late that month too, he told me he didnt care if i was pregnant and wanted to block me completely. i was scared, but after few months i found out that he had A WHOLE RELATIONSHIP going on right after we had broken up for sometime. he was so egoistic to do tht to me.

things got messier, i kept letting him in me and idk i really was stupid, and then i broke up cuz i couldnt stand it anymore. he used to blackmail me and say shit like i tried to cut myself i hung myself and bs like tht, he didnt let me live in peace, so i told his mom. he texted me with so much anger and said "just cuz you are on your luteal doesnt mean you act up bitch", i was so. i just yea damn.

after i broke up i went thru depression, i realised all this time he was just using me for my body, i genuinely became suicidal and couldnt take it anymore. someone i trusted wanted me only for my body, and still had his eyes wandering even after i gave him everything.

i somehow came out of it and two months passed by.

we started talking again. the worst decision i made. we tried to date again and we stayed for few days we tried to fix everything but nothing worked, i was very insecure and had trust issues, as time went i logged on to his insta acc, i saw so many women. so many fucking women that i just i couldnt, he had called me a bop to everyone in those two months when we werent together and he had done so much. when i confronted him about it he said "my friend did everything". his own friend didnt accept on doing it. it was very evident tht he was lying. the level of pain i had gone thru was so bad but i put myself thru it on my own. right after i broke up and he had tried to message me everywhere and one of the msgs read "go have sex with another guy and get pregnant, if you ever want abortion money just text my friend and ill send it to you" and i had no words, ive lost my v card only with him.

next day after breaking up he went and met another girl and few days later hooked up with his ex. but yea sure im the whore according to him

idk but him using me for my body was the worst trauma ever. its been months and im still not over it

Growing up, our family strongly believed in the spiritual and clairvoyant gifts of my mother. Despite everyone’s unwavering faith in her abilities—including my father and my two sisters—I’ve always found myself on the outskirts of this belief system, questioning its validity at every turn.

Whenever I’ve tried sharing my doubts with my parents, I’d argue, "Mom, I tried to believe, but it just doesn’t click for me. You can’t even explain how your visions work; how am I supposed to take that as truth?" My father, on the other hand, staunchly defends her, often citing examples where her predictions about his future have materialized precisely as she foretold. Furthermore, she has a clientele who not only return for her services but also provide compensation, which makes it clear to him that her abilities are genuine.

My inner turmoil intensified recently when my mother foresaw me being involved in a car accident, a prediction that materialized about a week later. Thankfully, it was a minor incident, with me being the obvious culprit due to a lapse in concentration. The situation has now turned into ammunition for my mother, reinforcing her claim to foresee future events, which only fuels my frustration. To me, this could have just been a coincidence, yet she presents it as indisputable proof of her powers.

Recently, we had a heated discussion where she took it upon herself to instruct me on my driving habits, all based on her visions. She imposed rules that I should not drive and must call her every time I’m about to ride in a vehicle, which feels overly controlling. Keep in mind I’m 24 years old, and this overreach makes me feel like I’m losing autonomy over my own life. Her prophetic insights now not only disrupt my independence but also strain my relationship with her as they overshadow our interactions.

I earnestly desire nothing more than a simple, loving relationship with my mother—one that isn’t overshadowed by the constant cloud of her prophetic claims.

Imagine if this situation unfolded on a reality show—cameras rolling as family dynamics clash over clairvoyant claims. Viewers would likely be split; some might applaud my mother’s concern for my safety, interpreting her actions as protective and loving. Others might sympathize with my plight, viewing her preventive measures as excessive and suffocating, stifling my independence under the guise of care. The drama would certainly draw attention and provoke discussions about the balance between parental guidance and personal freedom.

What does everyone else think? Would you feel constricted if your life was influenced by someone else's visions?

I have a friend named Sydney who was diagnosed with cancer recently. Thankfully, her doctors believe it's treatable because they discovered it early.

Last weekend, a group of us, including myself, went to support her. I've known Sydney since our college days, but I'm not very familiar with some of her newer friends, as I don't live close by.

During our visit, Sydney shared about the treatment plan her doctor recommended. Suddenly, a person from her circle, whom I met only during this gathering, intervened. "You're not seriously considering that, are you?" she exclaimed, proposing a raw diet she claimed could cure the cancer.

Initially, I tried to remain neutral and suggested, "Yes, maintaining a healthy diet is crucial to keep your strength during treatment."

However, her friend countered, "No, why would you use actual poison instead of what nature provides us?"

She elaborated on the benefits of phytonutrients against cancer cells and hinted at a conspiracy within the medical industry to push unnecessary treatments. As the night progressed, Sydney shifted from being skeptical to somewhat convinced by these claims.

Eventually, I couldn't hold back and told Sydney, "It's good to maintain a healthy diet, and you can explore what you wish in addition to your treatment. But to abandon your medical plan for a salad is both naive and dangerous."

Another friend suggested Sydney could postpone her medical treatment to try this diet, thinking it wouldn’t harm to delay for a few weeks. Sydney seemed tempted by the idea of fewer disruptions to her life and no hair loss.

I was troubled seeing her swayed by this renewed but false hope. I confronted the friend, "You could be endangering Sydney's life with such advice. Is that something you’re prepared to handle?"

The friend left the room upset. Some of her friends said my reaction was too intense, stating we should respect different opinions and let Sydney decide. Sydney appreciated the range of viewpoints, understanding that everyone was tense given her diagnosis.

I tried to calm the situation, but I feel like I might have disrupted what was meant to be a supportive gathering by turning it into a debate.

If this situation were part of a reality show, the scene could have escalated dramatically with cameras zooming in on everyone's reactions. The producers might have even highlighted this argument for trailers and teasers, sparking debates among viewers about the ethics of alternative treatments versus conventional medicine. Thoughts like, "Will this make me look like the bad guy? Am I just adding drama?" keep racing through my mind.

ever had one of those holiday flings that just knocked you on your ass???? well, that was me this summer. spent almost a month with this guy and damn, those were some of the best days of my life!!! first real love, you know??? now i'm back home and honestly, it feels like i'm missing a part of myself. it’s been 4 months and i can’t shake him off my mind. 🤷‍♀️

back then, everything was freaking perfect. sun, sea, and him—the trifecta!!!!!! we did all the typical touristy crap, but somehow, it never felt cliché, just magical. every night we'd hit up the beach, talk about shit, and it was like our souls were vibing, ya know? or maybe it was just the cocktails talking, hell if i know!!! one night, i swear, he said he loved me. and i believed it. god, was i naive for buying that??? but in the moment, i didn't give a damn. 😏💔

now back home, drowning in real life bullshit. college sucks, friends are the same old buzzkills, and doesn't help when all i think about is him. texting is alright, but it's sooooo different than hanging out. 🙄 long-distance blows. what’s the point?????? can’t help but wonder if he even misses me or moved on. was it all just a sick joke???? but if it was, why was it so damn sweet????

everyone says move on, "there's more fish in the sea," right???? i'm not buying that crap right now. it’s annoying how everyone pretends to know better. like, maybe I want to hold on to this pain a bit more, learn from it, i guess. love is a goddamn emotional rollercoaster. anyone else ride this hellish ride too???? honestly, i just want to scream and maybe slap some sense into myself. but hey, life goes on, yeah???? just wished he was still in it...

The love of my life is not talking to me but I badly wanna talk to him but I don't wanna message him first 😭😭😭😭

I don't know where else to vent, I feel like I've unloaded enough on a friend of mine and don't want to burden him any longer so...

My Grandma passed away not too long ago and there's some drama going on about the will. Apparently, some aunts and uncles have been manipulating Grandma to give them more things or be given things that other people have taken better care of. Like my cousin wanted to buy Grandma's house after she was moved out of it and she was willing to sell. But then some aunts got in her ear and made her make my cousin pay more for the house. One of the aunts said I would be named in the inheritance, my Mom thinks it's because Dad died and his portion would be split with his kids. She told me not to sign off on anything.

Then again I've heard her non-stop complaining about everything about Dad's side of the family which increased after he died. Pretty much have been discouraged from talking to anyone other than a select few she likes. Part of me understands considering some drama but also feel like she doesn't have the best judgement. She tends to talk down to me even though I'm an adult now and constantly calls me wet behind the ears even when I express interest in going outside my comfort zone and doing new experiences to be not so wet. But of course, she's the Mom and I'm the child so in her opinion she seems to know everything and she's always right, and I'm always wrong. When she asked for my credit card password and I said no she was all "Thank you for trusting me." But who in their right mind would share their credit card password with anyone? Who knows where that info will end up? Then there was the time in high school when I started having a tough time and asked if I could go to the doctor's to see if I had depression. But of course, she said no, I didn't have depression because I didn't act like she did when she had depression. Later I would get so nervous about school that I would get physically ill and I eventually called the doctor myself. And what do you know, I was prescribed anti-depressants. Recently, I was diagnosed with blood clots in my lungs but before that, I had a really bad cold that even took away my voice for a bit. But one night it got so bad I couldn't sleep and my chest was in serious pain. I had a bad feeling so I called 811, they suggested I get Mom to take me to a hospital. I tried to get her to but she refused, insisting it wasn't that serious. But it didn't get better and after half an hour I called a cab to take me to the hospital. There I was diagnosed with pneumonia and stayed there for just over a week, even spent two days in the ICU. When Mom finally came she was all apologetic but when I was checked out I learned she told relatives and friends the reason she didn't take me was because I wasn't clear enough. Even though both the 811 operator and cab driver saw it was urgent and that I was having trouble breathing. It was clear enough for them but not for her?

I believe she thinks I'm a goddamn idiot and so naive I need to have my hand held for every goddamn thing. If I could move out and cut out most people from the family I could but apparently I was hit with anti-employer spray because I can't get a job in my field to save my life. I feel useless but also feel like I could snap at any second. When I tell Mom how I feel, she turns it around and says it's my own fault for feeling that way. When I tell my siblings they either go on about how both sides are to blame or take Mom's side. The same Mom that screamed at them for other things, including one where she threatened to disinherit one of them from Dad's will for not doing what she wants. Granted it involved staying with a not-so-great romantic partner but her having a fucking meltdown only pushed that sibling further into the arms of the fucking creep so it took longer for my sibling to finally break it off with that jerk.

I do have a therapist that I talk to but he's not cheap and I leave still feeling furious. He does give good advice but I never feel myself in the right headspace to act on said advice.

It feels like I'm in a fucking soap opera only the people around me seem to think I'm oblivious to the whole shitshow. It feels like I'm one bad day away from exploding and I don't know how to defuse this timebomb.

My grandma today during hunting season mind you just asked if we should leave my 2 cats outside while we go to town and the fact its hunting season and that people around here hate cats with a passion it isnt a good idea which I told her that and she instead of letting them roam around just shoved them into the laundry room were the doggy door is and the gate outside has a gap they can get out of easy if they get scared of something

I posted a few days ago about how messed up the school system is and how i feel really exhausted and i reread it recently and was like WOW was I playing a victim. I realized that the entire post is painfully pity-seeking, and makes me want to cry. I'm not having a harder time than anyone else, and my situation is actually very good, so the fact that I am actively harping against a reality I have created for myself is just completely disgusting. I've decided to stop acting like a martyr and actually take responsibility for my laziness and realize that there is NOTHING special about my situation. It's just called being in high school. It's just called working hard for a future and not looking for attention for surviving it. The only true problem is me, and it's about time I take responsibility for my life. Thanks to the comments who helped me realize that.

PS. How do I tell if some of those comments are AI? they felt too similar idk it was creepy. If you are not an AI and you comment, add in the name of a fruit and don't use emojis.

Today is Sun, why the heck did that damn woman ask me NOW? She has 5 other days on the week to ask. She even texted. I can understand emails. Why TEXT? She asked for access to download the transcript of the meeting that SHE recorded. If she wants to work on that thing now, that's her own damn business.

I can ignore her, but this time I am mad.

I'm first time mom, my kid is sick, she is much much more difficult than usual.

(Names are fake for privacy even though I don't think either one of them is on here) So for context I grew up with this friend named Blake and he got with his now ex named Miranda at the time about a year and a half after we became friends. They were young and had a kid young but it didn't last because of how both of them were with each other, typical story of him not doing enough for both the relationship and as a father (He is a great father now) and her treating him bad because of it to where she got fed up with him and tired of being that person with him and left him. They both moved on almost 15 years ago and can't stand each other but get along for their kid, We all grew up together as a result so I know Miranda pretty well.

It started as a crush after they broke up, I was having a hard time and she was there for me when I needed it but she didn't know I was struggling that badly because I didn't talk about it so it was just genuine concern and help for me and I don't have a lot of that in my life, so it moved me. I'm not the kind of guy who acts on his emotions or goes after friends girls so I avoided her because of it afterwards. She found a few people over the years and I found someone also. I was with my ex-wife for over 10 years and after we broke up I ran across Miranda on a dating website. We both matched with each other but I just assumed it was to be funny since friends do that on dating websites to mess with each other and give each other shit and I never seriously thought she was interested. After we matched though I noticed I got excited and didn't know what to expect which confused me because I didn't know why I was excited and why I would expect anything when we're supposed to be friends and it had been years since that crush had happened and nothing came from it anyway but I realized I still had a crush.

We talked and I didn't make a move or a pass and just warned her what to expect being on these sites from what I've read from other woman on there. Dick pics, asshole guys, matching but not talking etc. it was a casual conversation but I couldn't help but wonder if she felt similar and that's why she matched too but just chalked it up to my brain just wanting that to be true so it would validate my feelings and said nothing. She didn't stay on there much longer and told me later the next day on the app that she was going to get off of the app because it was lame and what I was saying was true.

I kept my feelings to myself but it seems like they keep growing, I keep thinking about her even when I try not too or keep busy to not think anything at all but nothing seems to work and she is on my mind even though we haven't talked for in a long time. Miranda is currently with someone right now and has been for awhile but from what I've heard she's been drinking and depressed and isn't happy with him. Idk if they will last much longer but I'm stuck because I can't really tell her how I feel even if they break up or not.

I don't really think she feels the same and might find it weird especially if she only sees me as a friend, it could ruin things with her and also she's Blake's ex and I have no idea how he would feel about it and don't want to ruin a friendship of almost 20 years over this. I know him and while he would probably be cool to me or cool to me to my face, I know he wouldn't consider me like a brother anymore or close friend anymore either. If for some reason or way I did tell her and the feeling is reciprocated and I do end up ruining a friendship, what if her and I don't end up lasting.?? Then I ruined my friendship for nothing and end up alone with almost no one in both ways.

So this is my blessing and my curse, Im blessed because I see who she is and she's amazing and I'm glad I got to experience it but my curse is I don't think I can ever actually speak on how I feel to her without potentially fucking everything up either with her or Blake or both. I haven't told anyone except 1 person awhile ago but we don't talk anymore, so almost no one knows my real feelings for her. Instead I sit in silence while she gets with yet another guy who treats her like shit that she swears she loves. If I tell her to leave him then I look like I have alternate motives considering my feelings, especially if I did tell her eventually and it's not my relationship to meddle with to begin with when they could end up working it all out.

It's been driving me nuts and I had to say something to someone and get it off my chest, so I figured a place like this would be the best place to at least say something finally, even if it's not who I want to tell.

At 32 years old, I have a sister, Laura, who is 34 and has always dreamed of becoming a mother. Despite her longing, she never found the right partner with whom to start a family. After witnessing her struggle with loneliness and her ticking biological clock, I suggested she explore IVF to fulfill her dream of motherhood. I even helped her research clinics and understand the procedure, which she eventually decided to pursue enthusiastically.

Laura was financially stable enough to undergo IVF, but the cost meant she had to forego some luxuries and tighten her budget significantly. It took her four rounds of treatment, much to her distress, to finally conceive. Our entire family was overjoyed when she announced her pregnancy. However, the effort and resources it took were greater than she anticipated, and the expenses piled up higher than she initially expected.

While Laura manages to cover her day-to-day expenses, the financial strain of the treatments has left her in a precarious situation. Recently, she approached our family for financial assistance, given that maintaining her usual standard of living has become difficult. Our parents, now retired on a fixed income, expressed their inability to help substantially. Hence, she turned to me as her primary hope for financial support.

Just last week, Laura asked me for help financially. Having a wife and a newborn son of my own, and with plans to save up for a larger living space from our current one-bedroom condo, my financial priorities are tightly allocated. I expressed to Laura that, while I empathize with her, I am unable to support her financially.

Laura was devastated and labeled me as selfish, feeling betrayed given that it was originally my suggestion for her to go down the IVF route. Our parents also sided with her, dismayed by my refusal and reminding me of the importance of familial support. They criticized me for not standing by Laura when she was trying to achieve something I had encouraged. Despite my suggestion to offer other forms of support, such as daily dinners and the use of my economical electric car, Laura found these alternatives insufficient.

Balancing my immediate family’s needs and financial aspirations, I feel incredibly pressured and believe it is unjust to compromise our stability for personal decisions, even if they involve close family members. Still, the disagreement has led me to question whether I am being overly selfish.

Imagine if this scenario played out on a reality TV show. Cameras capturing every intense emotion and harsh words exchanged might sway public opinion heavily. Viewers might perceive me as cold and unsympathetic or see Laura’s demands as unreasonable. The dramatic unfolding of family conflict, underscored by financial pressures and moral dilemmas, could indeed make for compelling television but might skew the reality of our difficult situation.

I wonder, am I being unreasonable by prioritizing my nuclear family's financial health over my sister’s request for support?

For the past three years, I've had no contact with my mother due to several deep-seated issues between us. The situation escalated when I discovered she had misappropriated $15,000 from me and incurred over $45,000 in debts under my name using my social security number. Throughout my life, she was emotionally manipulative, and she even attempted to sabotage my relationship with my now-husband before our marriage. For these reasons, among others, I made the decision not to invite her to my destination wedding.

The wedding day arrived, and about an hour before the ceremony, my maid of honor informed me that my mother had unexpectedly appeared, having travelled all the way across the country to attend without an invitation. I asked my maid of honor to escort her to my bridal suite so I could speak with her privately. During our conversation, I firmly explained that she would need to leave or I would cause a scene and embarrass her in front of the entire family. Despite her tearful pleas and attempts to manipulate the conversation, she ultimately agreed to leave.

Following the ceremony, several relatives approached me, expressing their displeasure over my actions. They argued that I should have allowed her to stay, claiming that she only wanted to witness her first daughter's marriage. I knew better; her presence was merely an attempt to regain control over my life. Since then, her side of the family has bombarded my phone with messages declaring that my husband and I are in the wrong and demanding an apology from us.

If this tense and emotional scenario were to unfold on a reality show, I can only imagine the heightened drama and public opinion that would surround it. Cameras capturing every tear and harsh word would likely polarize viewers, some sympathizing with my need to protect my peace on my wedding day, and others vilifying me for rejecting a parent, regardless of our fraught history. The heated discussions it would provoke among the fanbase could very well dominate social media, with team hashtags and all sort of debates.

Am I really so unreasonable as my family claims?

I don't know why I had to endure the treatment I endured. I feel like I lived surrounded by pure monsters, by people who wanted to change my life, who didn't love me. I don't know why I had to live through something like that. What did I do to the world to have to live through something like that? I had to put everyone in their place. It's as if they'd been waiting a long time for the day this would happen. I'd never seen such vengeful intent on the part of my family. I feel like it was the worst, on the part of medicine, on the part of the world.

I didn't understand why the hell the world turned against me. What did I do? I just wanted to be free from everyone. Why this eagerness to grab me? Do they think that because I'm a family member, I'm doomed to receive their punishment? They're all crazy. How many after-effects didn't they leave me with? How much did I have to write to survive the after-effects? So that these things wouldn't affect me in the future. And the psychiatrist ignores this! Why did I have to walk the path alone again? I don't understand. I feel like this is a very real reality for me. I'm having a hard time processing it fully.

It brings tears to my eyes. Why did I have to fight with my family? My departure was supposed to have made them reflect on their principles, but they weren't even capable of that. They only reflected on some brutal things, trying to figure out how to intervene with me. How could I be like this? Why the hell did I encounter such a bunch of macabre people? How long will I have to live putting them in their place? Don't they have the capacity to reflect? To learn? What the hell is wrong with them? Do you have problems there or something?

It can't be that I left for three years and these people only got worse. I can't believe it. They hit me, once, twice, three times, and now a fourth time. Who the hell needs to go to a psychiatrist? Me or them? It's clear they have serious behavioral problems. The same things happen again and again. They lack the ability to learn, they seek to do things secretly, seeking to do more harm. Why do these people only improve, leading them astray? Until when? Is it that a case in them cannot be trusted? Where is the education? I find it hard to believe that this I found is a family of mine. Personally, I say it, I admit it, it can't be that I found it, it's my blood. I can't believe this is my blood. Once again, pushing them aside, to the side, happened again. Until when?

I ask myself: Do these individuals really want family? Do these individuals really want to be with me? Where is the desire that verifies it? Where is the affection? It can't be that they're going back to the same mistakes as before. It can't be. It's clear that they don't want to get out of the same situation they're in with me. They're just making excuses, they don't want to be with me, but I've had enough of them. I've given them plenty of opportunities to change; it's been enough.

I feel totally disappointed in my family members. And not just in them, but in the doctors too, who clearly haven't reflected one bit on what happened, nothing short of a sad act of heroism. Where is a reflective world? It's impossible that no one has shared the cause of this explosion with them, it can't be. And they're healthcare workers! I can't stand these professionals any longer. Do they know how to socialize? If that's the case, it should apply to all cases, not just a select few. It's in diversity that things are seen. But what do I have to do with them? I don't see anything, I don't see effort, I don't see reflection. Where is the brainpower to move the world forward?

I feel deeply outraged. It's impossible that to this day someone suggested I celebrate Mother's Day again, as an adult, and also without knowing the circumstances, and also as someone who cares for children, and not just her, but also another who is a teacher. Why have I surrounded myself with these kinds of people? Where's the capacity for reflection? Are we just going to support the maintenance of a family structure? What if it's a façade, as is often the case, for the perpetuation of crime by one of its thousands of agents? Where's even the conscience of the citizenry? Frankly, I don't understand.

Is this what many people I've grown accustomed to wanted in people? These people are capable of bringing down a country. Am I going to be with them? For that, I'd rather pack my bags and leave forever, or at least, if I were to experience that, have the satisfaction of knowing that it was going to happen, and then formulate a support plan, but only by following the matter closely. That's being preemptive! Why does no one want to see that? Is that why no one wants to know what's going on in the environment, the people there? I mean, do I have to join them in that fall? It's not fair, I don't have to pay for the unconsciousness of others.

Dealing with my parents relationship slowly falling apart. About 5 years ago my dad had stopped working and became a stay at home dad, except he never hung out with me or even was a dad, he was just a stranger in the house always on the couch looking at screen. I have to beg him just to make dinner, he soon turned depressive. My mom works multiple jobs, nannies multiple families, shoe store, gym, community center, and for rich families to look after their kids. My mom has been recently telling my dad to get a job, he brushes it off. So now my mom has began to be frustrated.

Present time about 3 weeks ago, I was in the car with my mom, driving me to hangout with my friend of 7 years. She suddenly speaks, "Hey, lilly-bug (nickname)... I want to divorce your dad. It's just that he hasn't been a good dad and hasn't been working, after 5 years laying around.." okay. Sure mom. I support you. I agree. I'm okay. Seriously I'm okay. Right? Anyway. I respond with a nod and tears spilling. She then speaking again, "I didn't think you liked him anyway, he never did anything for you..." you're right. He is a lousy piece of shit. But that's why I love him. I WANT TO KNOW HIM AND FEEL HIS LOVE GOD DAMNIT. but I'll never get that. Hell not even a damn hug. But I'll have to accept that. Not every family is perfect is it? There's always one person ruining it. Okay. I nod and start crying harder, causing her to say, "Come on, Lilly Jayne... Don't make me feel guilty.." GUILTY!? DON'T MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY? Mom you just crushed my world. You told me my life is going to change. And don't call me that or hold my hand. You'll only make me cry harder. So I force myself to stop crying but her words keep making it harder. I don't know why I'm so sensitive, she tells me that the world is mean and you have to be strong.

time skip. To Saturday. We were coming home from my grandma's house as I stayed the week, I love my grandparents,my grandpa is my father figure, i don't know what I would do if he died. Probably start cutting I don't know. Anyway. As we were driving we stop to get a drink, after we got a drink she says, "I've started to sleep downstairs in chrissys old room." uh. Yes it's confirmed, they are divorcing. I feel insane. So I just nod while gripping my pants as I tried to not cry. I don't know why I'm so sensitive. We just sat in uncomfortable silence.

And now this is present time. I can't look my parents in the eyes. Or even hangout with them. I cry every fucking night, hoping that my parents could just love each other and be mutual. Also I have to cook for myself and I'm in my early teens.