Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

so I'm stuck in this weird thing where I'm like "OMG UR PROBABLY JUST CONFUSED ABT BEING BI UR NOT ACC" and "OMG IM BI I DONT WANT TO BE" and I keep going back and forth so I'm not even sure if this is about weather I am or not its me accepting it. I'm only 15 so if it doesn't matter and its not that important, but I think maybe focusing on this is like a coping stratagey bc obviously like every other teen I'm deppressed. I'm on anti depressants but we have to keep upping the doses so whenever they sorta get lower I just don't do... anything. I don't care about eating or anything. I just scroll on my phone till the day is over and hope tomorrow is better. anyways I've kinda gone of topic but ehhhh ig it doesn't matter. so if I'm gonna explain why I think I'm bi. Im like a super agreeable person, so when I was like in sixth grade and I started to get a crush on a girl in my grade, (and I didn't even know gay people existed) I just ignored it bc I was like "wth this isn't even a real thing boys date girls and girls date boys" but then I learned that u could date whoever u want to and I was like "ok cool" and at the time I didn't like connect the dots in my head. late 6th grade I remember the girl I was sorta crushing on was like going around saying to all the girls "ur pretty ur pretty" I forget why but when she got to me she said "ur super pretty"(I'm not but it was sweet of her lol) and I got butterflies and stuff. like I lit remember it still and I'm in highschool now DX. and so after that I started like exploring more Abt who I was and stuff I was probably too young to be doing that and I might still be but Idc. eventually I settled on me most likely being pan/bi (but I don't think pan anymore plus ppl make fun of u and I don't find the specific label too important I just need to know if I'm tricking myself in liking girls) and so I told my family and friends and OMG IT WAS SO BAD so one of my friends sent me barfing emojis for like three days, the other had no comment(I'm honestly thankful for just that), and the other other didn't even hear it from me she heard it like a week later and just agreed with the one who sent the barfing emojis bc she was low-key maipulative and just said it to get barf girl to feel like good idk. she later came out as bi herself but ofc everyone got over their homophobia by then......... so in middle school me and that girl (M) started like fake dating? like she called in a platonic marriage and we exchanged rings and all that middle school stuff💀. I remember we held hands in the hallway, kissed each other on the head and hand, and called each other pet names and at some point she told me that she acc sorta liked me but we never acc dated. I honestly felt like we were dating in my mind even if I pretended it was just friends. oh also M was bi. so I eventually told my parents that I was bi and um I'm living in a Christian household and I'm a Christian even though I'm bi bc if I'm honest I think the verses talking about homosexuality are mistranslated and don't apply to today. plus, there wasn't even a word for homosexual in that time (I don't think correct me if I'm wrong this is from a few quick Google searches lol) so my parents were like not kicking me out mad or even mad, they just got, uncomfortable. they said stuff like "we would never hate someone for something like that, but we don't exactly agree with it..." and I just hated feeling so awkward with them. we have always been close and after time had passed and my style had changed and I told my friends I wasn't bi anymore ig things got back to normal and now I'm terrified of messing everything up again. whenever my deppression lifts slightly and I start feeling normal again, I start to think Abt dating and I think of kissing a girl and all those videos I watch of christians say "OH NONO NO HOMO" come back and so I kinda shove it down. I'm pretty almost 1000000% sure I'm not a lesbian, but I feel like I'm not straight either. uhg and I keep going back and forth from beleiveing I'm bi to just being like "am I???? what if I'm faking?" but that might just be in my head.... anywaysssss idrk what else to say if u got this far thx for reading and pls let me know ur opinion Abt anything like weather or not u think I'm bi or smthnnn

I thought that my brother was favored over me. My parents, my grandparents, and even my relatives. Now, it seems like I'm right. I felt horrible after all the years I spent trying and trying to get them to look at me. But who thought that he would bring me more trouble? It all started when my brother started to fight and yell at my parents when he hit puberty. I guess I'm more sensitive to sounds or conflicts since I was crying every night they fought. I just hated all the noise and the words that they spat out at each other. I didn't say a single word to my parents because I feared I would make them angrier. I said everything I felt to my friends, which later caused them to distance themselves. I was too naive to know that they were just young kid like me, not a therapist. After about 2 years of all the noise, I finally told my father I couldn't bear it anymore. My father was concerned after hearing about what I said, and I started to go to a nearby hospital for therapy and pills. But that didn't help. It only made me feel dull and empty, making my hands shakier. The pills didn't help at all. I started to cut myself, but I always ended up panicking and calling my dad for help. I was about 13 years old when I started that. Venting to my friends caused some trouble, and I ended up pushing everybody away from me. I was alone. After they left, I realized that I needed them more than anything. I started to leave school early or skip school for weeks. I even went into the psych ward, but only for about a month and a few weeks. However, that didn't stop my parents and my brother from yelling at each other. I was barely surviving. I spend the next 3 years in the same situation. Now, I'm a high school student in my country, with nothing much being different. A few days ago, my brother got into one of the top-rated universities here. This holiday was a living hell for me. He was smiling and bragging like an idiot. I hate him. How could he be so egoistic when he had torn my life into pieces? I had to go through all of that. I had to lose the people I loved the most, hurt myself, and think that everything happened because of me, like he said. I was a fool to notice that my brother was the problem. I can't even hate him because there's a stupid part of me that's saying that I shouldn't. Only because he's my brother. Because he's family. Even when he doesn't treat me like I'm his younger sister or like a person that's equal to him. I wish I was never here. I wish I wasn't his sister or my parent's daughter. I wish I could be somebody else.

Just curious as someone who's curious about the subject. Unfortunately the internet only tells me what happens, not how, or what the person feels specifically.

For cis gender males...

When you have hanky-panky time... Assuming that you have... Alone or with someone... What does it feel like for a male appendage to um... Have the red human fluid go down there🫣!? I sound ridiculous, but I'm not sure how to word this without there being restrictions😮‍💨. It's completely innocent... I swear🙇🏻‍♀️✨!!

I live in a home full of cis gender females. And one 60+ year old male(the dad figure of the house)... But I wouldn't ask the 60+ year old male... Cause he's also my cousin🫥. And that's just weird🫠.

I mean... Not saying it's not not weird here... It's just... Um... You know... Anonymous😅.

Anyway... The only thing I get from Reddit is...

"It's like warm and it's a build up and then it's a woosh!!" Does that make any forking sense😩!? Cause it doesn't to me🥴!!

And I'm specifically asking about just the red human liquid that flows to that area... Not necessarily the... Um... End result🫥.

I heard somewhere the end result does end up being tingly... But what does "tingly" even mean😫!! Like come on dudes, bros, any cis gender male or people with that particular appendage... Be more specific... What does it feel like🧐!?

And why does it get harder to the touch🤔!? Do people with this particular appendage feel the difference in that particular area🤷🏻‍♀️!?

I'm just really curious... As a very, very, very inexperienced cis female human in her early 20's... I'm just curious🫠.

And no need to answer if anyone is uncomfortable☺️🙏🏻✨... Or just simply doesn't know how to answer😶‍🌫️.

you really would destroy others’ lives simply so you’re a little happier, huh? you don’t give a FUCK about how others feel unless its how they feel about YOU. don’t try and deny that. you’re not doing it to change, you’re doing it to make a change in our lives. you’re trying to uproot our lives so you can be the oh-so dramatic friend that is unpredictable. you think our lives are some GAME, don’t you? you think that because you had your big exit means we suddenly don’t give a fuck. BUT WE DO. nothing is changing that. you can say “oh please don’t be mad at me” all you want but if you’re hurting and destroying others who genuinely care about you so YOU can have brand new friends who your fuckass brother won’t complain about then maybe we have the right to be angry. fuck you.

My relationship with my parents has always been rocky, and it's only gotten harder as I've gotten older.

Recently, I found out I was the beneficiary of a substantial inheritance from my late grandfather – about $125,000 intended to cover my college expenses. Thrilled, I hoped to use this gift to attend my dream university. However, my enthusiasm was quickly dampened by my mother.

She believes that as the eldest child, I am obliged to reimburse her for costs she incurred from my early childhood medical procedures. Approaching her to transfer the inherited funds into my college savings account, she staunchly refused, asserting that the money was hers due to her sacrifices for me. Growing up, she frequently took money from me, including winnings from sports events and even once destroyed a safe given to me by my grandfather.

After cooling down for a few days, I prepared to confront her again, this time armed with detailed documentation. Since I was 13, I kept a meticulous record of all my earnings, now combined with my inheritance, totaling about $250,000. I showed her a detailed list of these transactions, hoping to reason with her, but instead, she became irate, insisting she was entitled to the money because of the medical expenses she had covered.

Realizing calm discussion was futile, and recalling past incidents where she destroyed my documentation, I safely duplicated all evidence on my laptop. When she grabbed and tore up my hard copies, I only added these losses to the grand total.

Two days ago, I sent her an email clearly stating my demands for the return of my funds, disregarding interest to keep matters simple. I included a final warning: if she did not comply, I would pursue legal action, factoring in costs for therapy resulting from our ongoing conflicts.

Did I push things too far? Am I wrong to threaten legal action against my own mother?

Imagine this scenario playing out on a reality TV show. Viewers would likely be divided, some sympathizing with the struggle of reclaiming one's rightful assets, while others might view the legal threats against a family member as too extreme. The dramatic showdowns and tearful confrontations could certainly captivate an audience, potentially painting me either as a victim or a villain based on the editing slant.

I'm on my journey to lose weight and I'm looking for an easy and always a healthy way to lose weight.

Thanks for the advices, xoxo

Well I met her for the first time in university, we were not friends right away it took us some time to become friends and now we are best friends, let's call her Lily It's been a year or so, I don't usually trust people but I gave her a chance I still don't know why, I never had this strong feeling about her betraying me.

Lately, something happened between us but before that let me tell you what kind of friendship we have: (I have financial problems and someone spending money on me is a big deal for me but it is her love language according to her) She is from a rich family so she takes me out and pays without even asking me, there are multiple occasions I insisted on paying she did not let me, I tell her that I feel bad it feels like I am using her for money. Still, she would tell me it was fine and all I usually back out whenever she offered to go out and eat but she told me she does not have any other friends who would treat her like me, I am just honest about things and she is quite dumb when making serious decisions. Hence, she asks for my help mostly and trusts me that I won't misguide her and I try my entire best to not misguide her, I don't give her advice that she should choose this or that I just tell her that these are choices and these are their consequences if possible she decides by herself.

now there is this other friend of ours who we will call Cactus (yes I don't like him )

he is very manipulative and he likes to be the center of attention always, he wants us to treat him like royalty even when he is the one needing our help remind you this is a grown-ass adult who might be around 25 he is older than both of us by 5 to 6 years, he has this massive ego which is very fragile.

well, Lily is very easily manipulated like very easily, if you tell her she did wrong even tho she didn't she will think she did wrong. and like I said it's her love language to spend money on people around her, she used to pay for cactus's food initially later she stopped Idk why,

whenever I tell her that Cactus is making me feel left out and I don't enjoy sitting with him and all, she understands not always but usually and we both would sit separately, I don't mind sitting alone but she won't leave me, even tho in the start she was closer to cactus than with me, but she would leave with me

this made Cactus not like me(I would be ignored in group conversations and all, and he made me feel lonely ), he thinks I'm the one telling her not to sit with him, I prefer to have as few people around me as possible while cactus wants us to sit with a huge crowd like 15 to 20 people, I don't enjoy large companies nor do I tell lily to tag along with me I don't mind it because I get overwhelmed with all these people and then cactus targeting me in front of all. there are multiple occasions he blamed me for Lily's actions, lily did defend me on multiple occasions but sometimes they were not enough she does not let me get away from him she knows I prefer not to argue over little things that's why I ignore him

cactus not only targets me he also doesn't like another girl,l Rose, cactus knows about her past mistakes and all, but he also used to tell BS behind her back all the time, he is so manutiplive he made her appear like a very bad person in front of her, later on, we girls started to hang out which made both me and lily realize she is not at all like what we heard from cactus instead we got to know that he is backbiting behind every single of us with one another,

there was this scene that was the main cause of my and Lily's downfall or so I think

some other friends including Lily were studying together there came the cactus along with a friend who is a damn creep, they asked us to let them join us for studying (cactus is not at all good at studying nor does he puts effort in studying but he acts almighty like "see I didn't study properly and still cleared the course" I'm like yea sure if grace marks are considered good sure be proud of yourself)

a day before this cactus asked me if I would help me study I said yes because it would help me revise too we had this conversation fofourike 4 times in a single day and every time I told him k I would help you out when I was done with the group study, what happened was that he was constantly disturbing and was annoying, others who were studying told him not to do it I did too I was exactly yelling or screaming or anything this sort I just was telling him to stop he didn't listen, creep whisper something in his ear and they got up and went away, then I did with my study I asked him over texts that I'm free, he told me that he was there to study not anymore I said okay whatever you want,

he called Lily and told her that I was extremely rude to him in front of all the people and that I think he won't be able to study without me, and even in texts, I was rude to him.

She texted me defending him over me even tho she was present there too that I wasn't the only one telling him to shut up or go away, she didn't believe me she said yea you were rude to him especially, I was devasted I responded normally like okay we will talk about this later.

I hated that she refused to believe me over him and she knows I never refuse anyone if they want me to help them out in studying and nor do I say things like they need me to help them or else they won't have a chance, she believed him.

I overlooked this but there is a thing that happened it's not related to me or Lily, it's about Rose well cactus knows her secrets and all (I don't judge her on anything those were mistakes or simply just her choices she didn't hurt anyone with these choices)

he had told everyone about it rose is unaware that people who she thinks are her friends are always judging her every move, the creepy friend of Cactus said something so terrible about Rose in front of Lily and Cactus, Lily told him off and not to say such things while cactus was laughing

Lily told me about it, and I told Rose about it because it was so terrible, and if I were in her shoes I would want to know about their true colors too

Lily got mad at me saying that she trusted me on this, i am wrong here in that I broke Lily's trust and told Rose about it, i did it in front of Lily to avoid any misunderstanding, i apologized to Lily for this but I don't regret telling rose about his true colors rose showed us cactus's chats with her being a sweet innocent man praising her and all while telling us the exact opposite of this, later lily said something I will never forget she said "cactus talks about rose behind her back and all but he is my friend he doesn't do it behind so it does not matter to me "

I was shocked to my core, cactus tells everyone about everyone's secret even his girlfriend's and she thinks he will not do this to her

what should I do now I'm scared to leave Lily alone with him, he will do unthinkable things, and she won't even realize

but I don't want to be around him

ik I broke her trust but rose does not deserve any of this either why should she suffer just because cactus wants to look like Mr know it all

Everything this I say to this girl she trips. The reason why I am mad now is because she swears she knows me everything, this pisses me off so badd. So basically we’re teens and today I come home after 4 something. I get out at 3:15, the house is supposed to be clean, I come it’s not clean. When I tell her, she swear up and down she’s clean more then me, then my moms gets on my ass about the house. Tbh if they don’t care I don’t either. I may have anger issues but when we’re having an argument she makes it seem like I’m jealous of her of insecure, and I’m like girl what.. and I tried actually talking to her but she’s says dumb stuff that makes me wanna actually wanna slap her. Back on the house thingy, she stayed home the entire day, and did nothing butt rearrange the pillows.. yall😂. But yeah my mom gets on my ass about everything so.. am I wrong? Or being pushy? (Sorry if you’re confused, I’m writing this while mad rn)

so, idk if i should really talk abt ai art here bc i fear i might get witch hunted or anything. either way, i wanted to talk abt my so-called list vents. this started…idk when, probably many months ago, and i would write down the same phrase over and over again in an unordered list, talking abt things that i’m very tired abt. this is the latest list that i’ve written, titled after a song by tripleS. i hope that i could open up abt my feelings abt ai as a synthographer here, bc i’m sometimes tired of bottling them all up.

* i’m tired of people saying that it’s over or that we’re cooked

* i’m tired of people portraying us as villains

* i’m tired of artists wanting us to pick up a pencil or just about anything that draws

* i’m tired of artists poking fun at us when we can’t generate ai images offline*

* i’m tired of the backlash from an ai-generated comic about two fans and an aircon

* i’m tired of this one creator saying about the very first anime to be 95% generated with ai and it looks like garbage

* i’m tired of artists urging to find alternatives to ai art or death threats will come

* i’m tired of people saying that ai is [insert negative verb ending with “-ing”] the industry

* i’m tired of ai-generated videos abt the apocalypse or anything weird in general

* i’m tired of this so-called “prompt theory”

* i’m tired of not being able to try Veo 3 because it’s under a seriously exorbitant subscription**

* i’m tired of chatgpt being a yes man, as everyone says

* i’m tired of chatgpt poisoning my brain

* i’m tired of being the only person who knows about ai and messes around with it***

* i’m tired of animating a stick figure doing a baseball throw for an assignment

* i’m tired of seeking validation with a chatbot

* i’m tired of losing myself in this ai world

* i’m tired of being alive in this ai world

* i’m tired of these invisible bruises

* i’m tired of all this noise

* i’m tired of feeling like i’ve fallen

* i’m tired of going back to square one after everything works out

* i’m tired of saying “finals week or my final week”

* i’m tired of wanting to drown myself

* i’m tired of making myself write this every month, bc as ai improves, hate grows too

*good thing i have data duh!

**even if i can get it for free with an edu account, then what’s the point if i’ll never use it again if ever?

***i seriously don’t know anybody who does ai art as a hobby in my circle of friends

I was in a wreck almost 2 years ago it has made me only able to walk with crutches on good day and wheelchair on bad days me and my husband have been happy but recently he told me " 1 miss having someone to walk with and hold hands with and isn't a burden and someone I can walk along the damn with I didn't sign up to be a caregiver this effects me more then it does you

" when in reality I'm the one most effected because we have a kid I can't chase him and play with him like I should I'm missing out on doing stuff with him unlike my husband I watch them play all the time outside, since that day I just hate my life because of this I hate not being able to walk and hold hands play with our kid, he can get out of the house whenever he wants to l can't l'm stuck here 24/7 he doesn't even wanna take me out to eat or anywhere when I'm able to use a cane because he doesn't like people looking at him, l didn't ask for this I feel like a burden everyday since it happened and now l'll how he feels

i can't believe another year has come and gone, and here i am, 54 years old, sitting back and reflecting on the events of the past year. it's been a ride full of ups and downs, hasn't it? sometimes it feels like time just slips through my fingers, like sand in an hourglass. but guess what? i survived another one, and I have my health, my family, and somehow the world feels new again. seriously though, how good is it to be surrounded by your loved ones on new year's eve, right? we were all huddled up in the living room, telling stories and laughing like a pack of hyenas. you know those moments when you're just so happy you could burst? that's what it was like. everyone was in high spirits, and looking around, i couldn't help but feel incredibly blessed. and all of them were healthy, thank God! if i'm being honest, it's challenging at times not to worry about the future. there seems to be so much uncertainty, especially with everything happening around the world. you watch the news, and it's hard not to digest all the negativity that gets thrown at you. how many times have you caught yourself thinking, "what's next?" but then i remember the quote from that one song, "life's what you make it," and i think, if i focus on the positive, maybe, just maybe, things will turn out alright. 🙂 i'm sure you can relate. sure, i've got my fair share of regrets and wish i could hit rewind on a few decisions, but that's life, isn't it? you live and you learn. i remember my parents always saying, "don't sweat the small stuff," and i'm really starting to get that now. it's like, what's the point in stressing over things you can’t change? honestly, it's been eye-opening for me to just let things be and, as the classic beatles song goes, "let it be." there's a comfort in knowing that i'm not alone in my worries and thoughts. we’re all just trying to navigate this crazy world we live in, doing our best to put one foot in front of the other. and when you take a moment to step back and look at the bigger picture, you see the beauty in the chaos. speaking of beauty, i can’t help but gush about nature and how it's been my saving grace through all of this. you ever just go outside, take a deep breath, and remind yourself of all the things you're thankful for? i try to do it as often as possible. maybe i'm just getting sappy with age, but every time i hear the birds chirping or feel the breeze against my face, i can't help but thank the earth for its never-ending wonder. there's something so grounding about connecting with nature. it puts everything into perspective for me. you ever notice how everything just feels right when you're sitting under a starlit sky, lost in your thoughts? it’s like the universe is telling you, "hey, don’t worry too much." i guess what i'm trying to say is that, through all the uncertainties, I’m grateful for what I have. i’ve been blessed with a supportive family who lights up even my darkest days and friends who are like family, who always have my back. you can't buy that kind of love, you know? it’s priceless. when you strip away everything else, isn't that what life’s about? creating memories with the people who matter the most is what makes it all worthwhile. sure, i might not have all the riches in the world, and my bank account is nothing to brag about, but feeling this deep sense of gratitude is richer than any treasure could ever make me. the question now is, as we move forward, how do we keep this mindset? how do we keep reminding ourselves of what's truly important when life throws us a curveball? i know i’ll try my best, even if it means slipping up here and there. so, yeah, thank you, earth, for everything you've given me – more than I could ever ask for. here's to another year of figuring things out, loving the people close to us, and appreciating the small joys day by day. let's keep reminding ourselves to breathe and take life as it comes because it's the only way we’re truly going to make the most of what we have. what are your thoughts? looking forward to hearing your take!

Is anyone else scared of what's waiting after high school??? I’m 17, and it feels like every day the pressure gets heavier. My teachers treat me like I’m invisible or like I’m already a lost cause. When I try to ask for help, they either don’t care or act like I’m stupid. One teacher literally said, “You need to start acting like an adult,” when I forgot a homework deadline—and I just stood there thinking: how? No one’s showing me how. Other students don’t make it easier. I don’t fit in, I never have. Group projects? Hell. Presentations? Worse. It’s like I’m watching everyone else pass me by while I’m stuck behind this wall I don’t know how to climb. My grades reflect it all. I try, I honestly do, but the more I fail, the less I believe trying makes a difference. “You need better time management,” they say, but how do you manage time when your brain won’t even let you breathe properly during a test? It’s like school has become this constant performance where I'm always getting the worst reviews.

And after school? What then??? I’m supposed to figure out what I want to do with my life when I can’t even survive one normal week without breaking down? I see people applying to universities, making LinkedIn profiles, talking about internships like they’re already halfway to some successful career... Meanwhile, I’m Googling “what jobs can you get with bad grades.” I’ve looked into vocational programs, but even those say things like “applicants must demonstrate motivation and focus.” What if I don’t have that yet? What if all I have is fear??? People keep throwing around words like “gap year” and “self-discovery,” but that just sounds like stalling to me. Isn’t adulthood supposed to come with stability? Direction? I feel like I’m walking toward a cliff, not a future. My mom says, “You’ll figure it out,” but what if I don’t?? What if I’m one of those people who just never figures it out? It’s hard to stay hopeful when all I see are closed doors and people who seem to have keys I don’t.

Maybe this is just part of growing up. Maybe everyone feels this way at some point; but why does no one say it out loud then? I read somewhere, “Growing up is losing some illusions, in order to acquire others,” and I think about that a lot. Like, was I naïve to think life would feel more solid at this point? Is adulthood just pretending you’re not scared all the time?? I keep wondering if I’m broken or just behind, if this is temporary or permanent. People talk about resilience and mindset, but they don’t talk about how exhausting it is to build those things while drowning. I don’t want to give up—seriously, I don’t—but what if I already have and just haven’t admitted it? Does anyone else feel like they’re being pushed into the future with no idea what they're doing? Because I do. And I don’t think that’s something a motivational quote is going to fix.

i’ve spent my whole life chasing the dream of being a pro footballer, y’know? every day, training on my own, with the lads, at the gym, trying to push myself harder than yesterday. i’d wake up early, sleep late, never stopped thinking about the game. but now, i’m 23, and it’s finally hitting me that maybe, just maybe, i’m not good enough. no club’s ever taken me seriously, and i can’t even get a spot to earn a basic salary from this. it hurts, honestly, because i gave it everything i had. my parents, bless them, they’ve been my biggest cheerleaders, always saying “don’t give up,” but i can see it in their eyes too – they’re worried about what comes next. i should’ve studied more, kept my options open, but all i could think of was football. now it feels like i’m standing at the edge of a cliff, wondering what to do next. do i keep pushing for something that’s not happening, or do i finally admit i need a plan b?

the thing is, i don’t even know what i’d do if it’s not football. i’ve put all my eggs in this basket for so long, i can’t imagine doing anything else. i didn’t focus on school, didn’t get a trade, nothing. football was my life, my identity. now i feel like a fool, and it’s scary. but i guess life’s not over yet. there’s still time to figure something out, even if it means starting from scratch. i’ve been thinking about coaching, maybe working with kids, trying to pass on what i know. or i could look at fitness training or something else sporty – something that keeps me close to the game. it’s not the big dream i had, but it’s a start, right? i’m not gonna sit around and mope forever, i just need to get my head straight and make a new plan; maybe this was never meant to be my path in the first place. have you ever felt like your dream was slipping away from you and you had to start again?

sometimes i feel embarrassed talking about this, like i’m letting everyone down – my family, my mates, even myself. but deep down, i know they just want me to be happy. it’s not about how much money you make or the career you have, it’s about waking up and feeling good about what you’re doing. i don’t want to waste more years chasing something that’s breaking me down. i’m still young, i’ve got time to figure it out, and i’m not afraid to work hard – i just need to be smart about it. maybe i’ll find something that gives me the same buzz as football. maybe it’ll take a while. but i’m not giving up on life, not on my dreams either, just shifting them a bit. at the end of the day, it’s about finding your own version of success, whatever that looks like. so why am i not good enough? maybe i am – just not for the path i thought i wanted.

I moved into a house with two friends, R and E. I moved in earlier and introduced R to my friend group because none of her friends were at university yet. Before she met them, I told her I had feelings for someone in the group. Despite this, she began subtly flirting with him. When I told her it hurt me, she said she would never date him, but later invited him over privately without telling me and only informed me at the last minute.

Within the span of about a week, she told me she thought he was flirting with her and that she wanted to pursue him. I left the house for a few days, and when I returned, I told her that if she continued pursuing him, I did not want to be friends and wanted her to keep her distance from me. She responded by saying they were now in a relationship. This happened about a week and a half after I had told her about my feelings, and he had been my friend first.

At one point, I found R and the guy together in our kitchen. I told her that he could not be in the house, and this led to an argument. She attempted to apologise, but I stood my ground and told her to leave me alone and not speak to me. After that interaction, I did not approach or engage with her again.

E, the second flatmate, said she would stay neutral but acknowledged that R was in the wrong. Over time, R stopped coming to the house frequently.

As of 07/01/2026, R moved out without telling me and informed the landlord that she felt “unsafe” living with me, which she used as a reason to end her lease. A few weeks earlier, E had also said she planned to move out, initially explaining that it was due to worsening physical health and that she wanted to pursue treatment in her hometown. However, the landlord later told me that both R and E had stated they were moving because they did not feel safe living with me.

This was shocking to me, particularly regarding E, as we never had any conflicts. She continued to knock on my door, ask to spend time with me, and sent friendly messages, including wishing me Merry Christmas. I never harassed, threatened, or confronted either of them after the initial argument with R. I respected boundaries and left R alone. Despite this, both claimed they felt unsafe, which I believe was influenced by R’s original statement and E repeating it.

As a result of these events, I feel betrayed by both R and E, as well as isolated from my wider friendship group, who have distanced themselves from me after I set boundaries.

I'm so fucking upset by all this.

I love my best friend. He's kind, sweet, amazing, and he listens and understands me so well. But I can't have him... I can't express any love besides platonic love for him cause he knows I have a bf and is friends with him. (my bf is cool if I date or like other people in our relationship.) I'm in love with my best friend, he treats me well, treats me nicely, and gosh, he's so cute. I don't know what to do, I love this boy with all my heart and we've known each other for years now. I want to tell him how I feel just so he can just reject me and I get over it more easily, but I don't want to ruin our friendship. What should I do?