Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I'm not able to see my dad for like a few weeks or something, and my older brother is supposed to be taking care of me while he's gone, but every single day is just the WORST when he's around me. He always yells, shoves me around, hits and punches me and even pushed me down a flight of stairs. It's just the same stuff all day long. It's always over the dumbest stuff imaginable too, like why did you punch me cos I was hungry at night?? Do keep in mind that I was hungry cos he barely feeds me. I've tried to be nice and get along with him so many times, but he always laughs at me or just bullies me. I literally never did anything to him?? Anytime I've been 'rude' or negative or whatever, it's in response to him being mean to me. I'm so damn tired of all of this, but I'm too scared to say anything; my dad thinks we just bicker about unimportant stuff. It's 12am, and he's got his tv on really loud just cos he knows it stresses me out. I'm sick and trying to sleep, but he won't let me. I'm just so tired.

so me and my friends, we love to travel. who doesn't, right??? but this time we're planning a trip and it's such a headache coz we're all in the lgbtq+ community and we don't wanna end up somewhere shitty where we'll be judged or worse. i mean, why do some places have to be so backward about people just living their lives?? like get over it already! 😡 anyway, we've been looking at countries that are more chill, but it's still kinda scary coz you hear stories of people having bad experiences even in places you think would be safe... one minute you're enjoying your iced coffee and next thing you're dealing with some bigot who's decided to ruin your day. ugh!!!!!

we've looked into europe because, duh!!! it seems more open-minded but again there's always some level of risk involved. what if someone decides they don't like the way you look or who you're holding hands with?? 🙄 it's exhausting to think about how careful we have to be when others just take things for granted without a second thought. then there's social media painting everything as rainbow perfect when in reality that's not the case for everyone... like come on!!!! stop sugarcoating!!

had an experience once where we were on a supposedly 'inclusive' beach vacation spot (won't name it now) but got side-eyed by locals every damn day. can't even relax without being judged!! honestly thinking maybe we should just stick to our roots and explore things locally... safer bet i guess. yet here we are still wanting an adventure without any drama attached. is that too much to ask for????

As someone who captures weddings through the lens of a camera, I've encountered my first situation where I’m seriously considering declining to cover an event. I secured a wedding booking back in February and had a preliminary chat with the couple, where they mentioned a broad destination without pinning down the exact location. I agreed on the condition that they would update me accordingly. Similarly, they didn't provide a specific time for the event.

Over the following months, I attempted to reach out for details but my messages were left unanswered. By mid-June, with the wedding fast approaching on the 30th, there was still radio silence from their side.

Driven to find answers, I contacted another vendor involved in the wedding. Shockingly, I learned that the couple had shifted their wedding site to a spot three hours away, now planning to start the event at 5 AM, followed by a two-mile trek to the venue. All this, and still no word directly from the couple themselves. Additionally, the vendor hinted that these plans might not even be final.

Despite having received payment upfront, we had never formalized a contract detailing the agreement's specifics. Now, just five days away from the event, I find myself in a dilemma whether I should cancel. The thought of traveling all that distance only to possibly find the venue changed again is daunting.

If I cancel, I think it would be fair to offer a full or at least partial refund due to the circumstances. However, I’m open to suggestions on how to handle this professionally. I was hesitating for the category between the one I chose and the Bridezilla category... hard to choose :)

Imagine how this scenario would unfold if it were part of a reality TV show. Cameras following every tense moment as I struggle with the decision, juxtaposed with the intrigue of the wedding couple’s erratic planning. The drama of it could captivate viewers, showing the real challenges faced by wedding vendors, often hidden behind the glamour of the big day. But would the public sympathize with my predicament or see it as an overreaction? The suspense and possible conflict might make for riveting television but would certainly add another layer of stress in reality.

This might sound a bit silly but really, I kinda need help combating with these weird thoughts

I’ve vented here before, and I really appreciated the support and perspectives others shared. But there’s something I brushed off before, as that was not the central topic of the previous vent and it wasn’t a big enough problem, until it started eating me today, and it’s become hard to ignore

I want to draw more than anything in the whole world. I’ve been drawing for 8 years, starting from the simple concept of a cube to a whole world of anthro animals/inanimates, silly creatures, all fantasy related, even evolving my old characters. From wolf-folk to living game controllers, it’s like a modern fantasy world, just like drawing was to me! Unfortunately, I couldn’t find myself drawing after having a lot of hardships, but after all the support I received recently, and even regaining access to Discord, I might give it a shot again, hell I would LOVE to try it again, but there’s something deeper blocking me: my envy…

Ever since 2020, I’ve started looking up to niche artists online—ones who draw stylized, humanoid non-human characters (anthros and such) with this barely-explainable aesthetic (Five-fingers, making it premium. They’re like exactly human characters but with the most notable parts of the item/animal, but there’s no valid name for it I could find, and it’s not furry and I ain’t one.) By the start of 2023, however, I noticed something weird about each new artist I became obsessed with, almost like a pattern but on different communities and social medias, and it’s not exactly what I asked each artist I admired to have and stuff that almost seemed to either taunt me or I just don’t know that it is an aesthetic that exists. Poetic blood in art, cigar(ettes), dangling shoes, the same obsessions in the same indie games, same online communities, same aesthetic. They even behaved in two ways: Overly cutesy and giddy, or kinda assholish and deadpan. The latest artist I started admiring checked all the boxes in a week, then today they revealed that not only are they obsessed with the same game, but also with the character that one of my favorite “niche” online artists designed. It almost feels like it’s not a coincidence coincidence and not inspiration or a neat fact. It suffocates me.

I tried emulating these kinds of artists for a long time, still having a subpar art style that tries to emulate the magic of those artists, but it always fails in several aspects, including the pose I want to strike. I am not motivated to draw, despite how much my heart tells me to. I’ve tried filling every similarity box while also bringing slight nerdism on technology and being nice to others. Why am I not having a proper consistent niche then? I’ve been forced to restart TWICE, not getting any better and always ending in failure. I want to be friends with those artists too, but I can’t get into their indie interests, let alone even talk to them normally just to be friends. I have met a few, and the closest to a friend would be one artist I commissioned twice. They offered me a Toyhouse code, but I just don’t know how to go about being publicly online. What if I screw up as bad as previously? It makes me so anxious. I want to have my own niche fandom, and I want to be nice to others, but others treat me like shit and attempt to drive me off the internet by spreading rumors about me and even grooming me.

Now, I have questions for you guys.

1. What would you do if you were me?

2. Have you guys ever felt the same weird connection between people you admire? If so:

a. Do you think it’s weird?

b. Do you feel more jealousy than admiration?

Hello,

I am currently in university and I am so fucking tired of this shit. My hobbies don’t feel like hobbies; they aren’t fun because I always compare myself to others and wish I was better. I can’t stop comparing myself to others, I am plagued by my past mistakes and actions that I have done. It’s an endless struggle of self worth and image.

For reference, I got diagnosed with autism this semester, and a lot of struggles that I faced make a lot of sense. I struggle with rage and meltdowns, and a lot of apathy. There are times where I wonder if doing anything is worth it. I want to be creative but I get burnt out so easily and won’t do anything creative for months. It’s horrible.

My self image is at rock bottom. I can’t help but worry about what I eat, and how many calories it is. I constantly worry about being fat. For context, I have never been skinny but I have never been fat either. I powerlift now and am pretty buff (I like looking masculine because I am afab nonbinary). But I still can’t help but body check and wish that I was more lean so that my muscles would be more defined. I hate, hate my body, and I hate my breasts. They aren’t that big, maybe a B, but I fucking hate them so fucking much.

People say that exercising helps with mental health. I’ve been an athlete my whole life and it seems like every year my mental health just gets worse.

And I feel so fucking ungrateful for everything. I feel like a brat because I should appreciate this life that I have been granted, but my brain pretty much only focuses on the negative.

I guess I just want to know if there is any way to relieve this pain, this emptiness that I feel when I am driving home after a long day and I want to cry but I can’t. Or if it just gets worse after university.

At 26 years old, I find myself wandering through a labyrinth of ideologies that pit spirituality against organized religion; it’s as bewildering as trying to navigate a dense fog with no clear path ahead. A few weeks ago, I attended a church service that was supposed to be uplifting—the pastor eloquently spoke about love, grace, and the importance of community. I expected to feel enlightened, but instead, I dragged myself home feeling empty. I remember thinking, “Is this it? Is this what faith is supposed to feel like?” Similarly, on another day, I swayed to the rhythms of a local spiritual gathering that promised enlightenment through meditation and collective energy. People were chanting and holding hands, seeking connections beyond the physical. I wanted to feel that current of cosmic energy flowing through me, but instead, I was plagued by the nagging thought: “What if all of this is just a placebo effect?” It’s frustrating to oscillate between these two worlds—each with its proponents vigorously asserting their narratives while dismissing the other’s merit. A good friend once remarked, “Being religious means believing in something, whereas being spiritual means believing in everything,” which left me more puzzled than ever. Is it possible that these categories are merely constructs that serve to confine the vastness of human experience? Honestly, I don’t know; the ambiguity is suffocating. Just the other night, I sat cross-legged on my bedroom floor, surrounded by a hodgepodge of religious texts and spiritual books, feeling like I was compiling a thesis on a subject I barely understood. I skimmed some passages—Buddha’s teachings on mindfulness contrasted starkly with the heavy doctrines of the Catholic faith; one promised inner peace, the other eternal salvation. It's like choosing between two different types of refuge, both equally enticing yet fundamentally distinct. One may claim, “Follow your personal truth,” but what if your truth is yet to be discovered or, worse, fabricated? ✨

Why is it so difficult to harmonize these beliefs? In the pursuit of clarity, I’ve engaged in endless debates with friends who identify as yogis or fundamentalists; they each argue fiercely for their path, yet here I am, stuck in a perpetual limbo. One afternoon, I found myself in a particularly disconcerting conversation with a devout Muslim woman who discussed the beauty of prayer and community while I could not help but admire her dedication yet felt a pang of longing for the fluidity of spirituality that evades rigid structures. Is a structured belief system inherently restrictive? Or does it provide guidance where spirituality assumes an almost abstract, chaotic essence? I frequently ponder if these traditions are mere vessels of cultural heritage, and how absurd is it that instead of embracing the richness of diverse practices, I find myself shackled in indecision? I often wonder if faith is merely an escapade into the unknown, shrouded in the allure of transcendence but ultimately leading us back to the same existential questions: What is our purpose? What happens when we die?

As I exercise my cognitive faculties to decode the meanings of ‘spirituality’ versus ‘religion,' I can’t shake off the dire feeling that I’m constructing a metaphysical house of cards that could collapse with just the slightest breeze of doubt. “Why do I have to choose when possibly it’s all just an intricate tapestry of beliefs?” I silently scream to the universe, hoping for an answer that never comes. I turn to books, podcasts, and online courses—each touting formulas for a fulfilling spiritual life or an unwavering faith—but do they actually coalesce? Or am I just grasping at straws, hoping for a divine revelation that appears to allude me? I grapple with the paradox that my quest for truth grows heavier with the weight of expectation and self-imposed timelines; I find myself frantically circling back to my fundamental question: Do I desire the grounded morals of religion, or the expansive possibilities of spirituality? Each evening, I lay awake, hoping that someday both worlds can harmonize, creating a holistic framework that resonates with my soul rather than trapping it; Feeling lost has never felt more suffocating. It begs the question: Is anyone else out there wrestling with this dissonance? Does anyone grapple with whether to leap into the arms of tradition or float in the vast ocean of spirituality?

moved into a tiny village and guess what? I have no friends (that makes sense, doesn't it?). it's like being stuck in an episode of some old sad TV show where the main character shuffles around with nothing to do. seriously! you think moving would make life more exciting, but all these promises of 'fresh starts' feel totally fake now. imagine walking through narrow streets that either look deserted or filled with folks who've known each other since birth, judging every step you take; feels like i'm walking through a movie set every single time, only here i’m the extra nobody cares about.

the boredom's brutal. watch paint dry kind of epic levels of bored; dying for social interaction that doesn't involve inner monologues or imaginary conversations with thought bubbles: 'what brings me here again?' everything i've read about moving it’s always this societal promise that if you transplant yourself somewhere new, suddenly life's problems magic themselves away. damn lies! met two people at the grocery store and they barely nodded back when I asked for cheese recommendations! 'breaking the ice,' they said. more like skimming along without causing any waves scared of potential cracks appearing anywhere in sight. tried quoting lines from my favorite shows (you know bingewatching while avoiding house chores), didn't even warrant a chuckle... Next time i'll try books.

it's been a wild emotional ride for me over the last few years, and who doesn't love a good rollercoaster of feelings, right??? i don't want to give my age but I am under 30, juggling life, career, and a relationship that's been steady for three years. yet here i am, still longing for my ex like a bad habit i just can't shake. ever feel like you're living in one of those cheesy romance novels where you swear you're moving on, but the protagonist just keeps pulling at your heartstrings? it's like i'm stuck in a chapter that's on repeat.

my ex??? gosh, talk about a classic case of someone who just understands your blueprint, the human API that, somehow, no one else can seem to decode. he was, or maybe is, everything you love but just can't have anymore. have any of you ever been there????? don't get me wrong, my current boyfriend is great; he's reliable like a rock-solid firewall for my emotional security, a good guy who checks all those conventional boxes. why, then, does my heart insist on taking unauthorized emotional backups of time spent with my ex??? he was a charismatic and intelligent coder whose algorithms synced perfectly with mine. he could spark these fireworks of laughter and warmth that felt more like home than home itself sometimes. "it's the past," they say, "let it go." but how do you delete code that's embedded so deep within your heart's source file??? damn, ‘ctrl+z’ doesn't work on feelings.

it’s crazy because i gain nothing from these daydreams except perhaps a cascade of emotions that flood my mental RAM with nostalgia. i've tried convincing myself again and again that i’ve moved on... you know, especially during those three a.m. self-improvement TedTalks i give to myself. yet, any unexpected notification could easily bring a memory dump, a simple name mention that effortlessly excites my synapses as i wonder where the hell his life's code has taken him nowadays. the human brain is an intricate web of neurons and chemistry, but honestly???? i sometimes wonder if it's the heart that really wears the pants in this relationship dynamic.

now listen, I'm not unfaithful or living a double life or anything, just stuck in this transitional period where one foot is on solid ground with my boyfriend and another slightly dipping its toe into a shallow pool of regret. it’s like being caught in an endless loop of emotional debugging—frustrating yet compellingly hopeful. am i the only one who feels this way??? should i just "git commit" to my current reality and disconnect from what should be a depreciating emotional asset???

the optimistic part of me is hopeful, as futile as it seems. isn't that part of life, of love????!! to hold on until something clicks into place, like a puzzle piece or a well-written script. i really believe that feelings are like machines—they require maintenance, upgrades, and sometimes, a diagnostic check. i just hope i find a way to restructure this emotional repository without corrupting it further.

and while i’m secretly rooting for an emotional resolution, my current love life condition seems like an endless test-driven dilemma with memories of the past persisting as background processes. i guess what's astonishing is how the human heart can function like a multi-threaded process, balancing multiple emotions with the grace of a precariously stacked jenga tower. for now, all i can do is keep pushing forward with this delicate balancing act, hopeful for a semantic patch that someday bridges the chasm between my past and present emotional states. so do any of you have a similar saga??? or is my heart the only one practicing this relentless emotional recursion???? tới lòng for sharing your stories, really helps to not feel alone in this digital ocean of unrequited love.

Today I went to the pharmacy to pick up some antihistamines, and the pharmacist asked if I was feeling better (I’d been unwell for months, mainly because of my shitty family). I wanted to scream: "Yes, for fuck's sake, I *am* better—I haven't spoken a word to my shitty parents in over a month, so you bet I'm better." I left the bag in the car and went to the supermarket; when I got back, I found my mother and sister rummaging through it. "What are these?" they asked, pointing to the antihistamines. For fuck's sake—I get that you’re illiterate and barely finished fifth grade, but "AERIUS ANTIHISTAMINE" is written in huge letters. Are you serious? Unfortunately for me, pharmacies don't sell drugs yet.

I don't know... what a shitty life this is.

25 years old and I haven't done a damn thing with my life.

25 years old and I’m not even free to go out alone to the supermarket ten minutes away.

25 years old and I spend my days in bed with headphones on, blasting music loud enough to shatter my eardrums just to drown out my thoughts.

What’s the point of bringing kids into the world and then raising them like shit?

And as if that weren't enough, they bully us for the state we're in and compare us to other people's kids.

Other people's kids don't have shitty parents.

Other people's kids are free.

Other people's kids didn't grow up forbidden from even stepping outside the front door to play with other children.

The kids my mother envies so much didn't have shitty parents.

What is the point of my life?

There is no point.

The only reason I haven't ended it all yet is the music I listen to otherwise, I’d miss out on new releases from the artists I follow.

And even if I did end it, my family wouldn't think about *me* first; they’d worry about what people would think.

have you ever found yourself tongue-tied, unsure of what to say when engaging with someone who has Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)? 😅 growing up, we're instructed to think before we speak, yet it seems this golden rule often gets lost when conversing with individuals who experience multiple identities. this unwitting ignorance can lead to awkward moments and, at worst, can be unintentionally harmful to someone navigating DID. while initial trepidation may be understandable, there's no need to turn communication into a minefield, right? isn't it peculiar how some people approach these situations with detached curiosity or flat-out skepticism instead of genuine empathy? merely seeing a person as a curiosity or entertainment piece can perpetuate stereotypes. simple things like asking, “which one am I talking to now?” might stem from well-meaning intentions but often land as a jarring reminder of their struggles rather than a quick entrée into befriending.

dismissing their reality by suggesting, “isn’t that just your imagination running wild?” invalidates their lived experience. who really benefits from making sweeping generalizations or assumptions like suggesting therapy focuses on integrating personalities? sure, at times people think they're being helpful, but often, it's time to self-question the given biases. 🤔 consider instead rendering your ears as a vessel for cautious listening without injecting unsolicited advice. it's really not rocket science, is it? imagine how dismissive phrases like “isn’t that just a movie thing?” would echo in contexts beyond DID. what makes us go default at downplaying complexities when closing the gap of understanding could be a simple matter of awareness enhanced with empathy? scrolling online forums to eavesdrop on the collective wisdom can be enlightening, but jumping to expert status without actual knowledge? probably not the best move, huh? let’s just accept that nuances exist in everyone and steer conversations with that in our hearts. is that fair to say?

I never had a full grip on what I want to do with my life, but its gotten even worse recently. My tablemates at lunch aren't going to the same school I am next year, and its hard to find anyone who 1. even supports queer people such as myself and 2. shares a common interest with me. my old tablemates hate my guts (maybe for disliking genshin due to it being problematic, but idk) and even after high school, I'm completely lost. the only thing I really am passionate about is freelance art and animation, and its hard to find a job that lets me do that on my own. plus my grades aren't getting any better, and I might not even graduate. I hate being stuck so fucking much. trump is NOT helping btw, I cant even transition when I turn 18 anymore, nor can I serve in the military like I wanted.

im a kid. im not even close to being an adult. im the middle child. i can be quite picky with my food, so the whole day i didn't eat because i really disliked soupy pork and thats what we had to eat dinner for last night and breakfast and lunch then dinner and the day today is almost ending, i kept asking my mom if i could eat maybe canned tuna, or just an egg, anything else. she refused, she kept telling me to learn how to eat what's on the table and i didn't eat until 9 pm when i ordered mcdonalds with my OWN money, my little brother wanted food too so i added chicken nuggets so we could share, though i didnt add fries since my money wasnt enough. the food arrived and i called him down. he cried bc i didnt order fries, and he told our mom. i js went down and ate my food since i was rlly hungry and hadnt ate the whole day, and once i got upstairs to my mom's room since thats where i left my device, she started saying " you're really selfish, aren't you?" and i said huh? i asked him if he wanted chicken nuggets, he said yes. idk why he changed his mind. she then proceeded to call me more names and really wanted to let me know i am selfish 😂 i said " the fries were expensive, i couldn't add it since i didn't have enough money?? " and i js sat there on my phone, when she started mumbling to herself stuff like how she wouldn't feed me anymore, saying she'd feed me the wrappers if i left a mess, how im completelt selfihs and only think about myself. i js left the room, and now im sobbing in my room cause she really spammed the selfish button lmaoo. she then went down to scope the wholee floor downstairs to see if i had left a mess, but i left the kitchen light on which we always do. she proceeded to yell. im so tired of this, she porbablt doesnt even love me at all and is just forced to because she has me as her daughter

Written as a letter to my mom...

Dear Mom,

You promised me that you'd visit China were I was adopted.

You promised me that we'd drive up the coast of California.

You promised me that we'd visit where you grew up in Long Island, New York.

You promised to show me around Europe and the places you went on your college trip.

You promised me that you'd go to Las Vegas for the Chinese New Year decorations for the Year of the Snake.

You promised me that we'd visit Chilé were you spent your younger years.

You promised me that you'd be there for me on all those trips.

But the most important place that I wanted you to visit is walking me down the aisle if I got married.

I'm single again, but I would've wanted you to be there with me to comfort me when things well out between my boyfriend and me.

I know you're in a better place, and we always said, "Fuck Cancer!" But by God, by anyone who would listen, we'd promised that we'd travel the world together!!!

I'm tired, it's late at night when I'm writing this. I'm sleepy.

I love you!!!

Love, you're daughter who loves you to the moon and stars and back!!

[Translated from Arabic. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

well I don’t know how to start but I have a relationship with a friend of mine he is a friend of my ex-boyfriend and me and him studied for a year and before the final exams we used to go to the library together to study we would hold each other’s hands secretly and he would put his hand on my thigh and we would exchange touches but he loved me for the whole year and I noticed at the end of the year so we started getting closer to each other but during the exam his behavior changed and he became cold with me and now he told me that his feelings changed toward me and that it is because of several problems between us what should I do now

My father passed away not too long ago, and his death brought not only sorrow but also unexpected pressures from my family. My parents divorced when I was young, after my father discovered that my mother was having an affair with who now is my stepdad. My mom and stepdad married, and my stepsister, whom I'll refer to as Stella, became part of my life through this union. Frankly, my relationship with them has always been strained, as I couldn't shake off the role they played in disrupting my family's harmony.

My dad was quite successful and managed to save a considerable sum intending for it to support significant milestones in my life such as college fees, wedding expenses, first home, etc. Everything, including his estate, car, investments, retirement funds, and even his cherished cat, was left for me in his will.

A week ago, Stella came to me with a request that left me irate. She asked me to help out with her college fees, citing the usual dilemma: our parents earning too much for government aid but not enough to comfortably cover tuition costs. I refused unequivocally, stating that she should wait for her own inheritance if circumstances permitted. This didn’t sit well with her or our parents, who later confronted me to plead for financial assistance on her behalf. The argument escalated, and I was frankly told to leave if I could not "act like a generous sister."

Acting on their ultimatum, I moved back into my dad's house, taking with me all personal belongings I had at my mom's place. Since then, I’ve received numerous texts from my mom, stepdad, Stella, and other relatives, all painting me as selfish and heartless for not supporting Stella’s education.

Contemplating over the heated exchanges and the outright demands, it feels surreal, almost as if I am cast in a reality show. If this were a televised drama, the audience might be divided. Some viewers might sympathize with my commitment to honor my dad’s wishes, while others could vilify me for not aiding my stepsister. The tension, emotional outbursts, and moral dilemmas would certainly make for engaging TV, but that doesn't simplify my turmoil in real life.

Am I wrong to stand my ground on this?