Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I'm only going to speak of a specific medical issue I'm currently dealing with right now. Which probably isn't actually a good thing that I'm typing this on a digital device... But I sorta have an addiction to digital device use. Not specifically social media, but just the use the digital media.

Anyway...

According to the CA Emergency Room. It's normal for me to have ocular migraines. They said that the excruciating pain would be normal. But also, according to my Psychiatrist, I can only take Advil or Tylenol😭! Due to certain circumstances.

The symptoms I have when the ocular migraines happen are:

Complete and utter pain starting behind my left eye. It migrates to pain in my left nostril. Then the pain moves along to my upper left side jaw. The stickles down to my lower left side jaw. The it enjoys a nice right through the left side of my neck. And ends it's painful adventure through my left are down to my pink finger🤕!

Light and temperature play a factor too. If it's too bright... It hurts🔆. If the temperature is too cold... It hurts🌡️. And unfortunately for me... I run really hot... So these migraines make it difficult for me to adjust the temperature, since I haven't learned how to use my cousins thermostat thingy on the wall🫠. And all I need is the left side of my face, neck, and arm to be warm... Not my whole body😫!

At least the Nivea lotion I have is really good at drying my skin out, so I don't have to worry too much about the sweat🥵!

But that's not the point.

I went to the ER while I was in pain and unbalanced as well... And they said it's normal😒.

I went to a neurologist as well... All test came back normal😮‍💨.

I went for blood work... Guess what... Normal🥴.

So, according to many doctors opinions... Being in immense pain, and not being able to walk is... "Normal" for someone who doesn't experience this everyday😑.

Also, the cause of symptoms are based on how much I'm anxious about something, someone, or somewhere😥.

And my life right now is just all about that anxiousness🤪!!

And I wouldn't be responding to any story's/things I've written on this site for a while. Until I get better. I do like to respond to comments... So when I'm better... I'll respond to all the comments or questions later😌🙏🏻✨!!

Hello, i am 35 weeks pregnant and currently living at in laws house as my husband wanted me to deliver the baby in his hometown and as i dont have my mom so his parents can support us as they cannot come over to our house. I am living without husband as he is back home for work and comes on weekends. I asked to stay with my sister but my in laws are so controlling they want the child to be born at their known hospital and want things their way. So lately things have been so challenging with mil as she is so nosy and overcaring that she sometime s make me cry as i have no oersonal space and she keeps checking on me whole night and always on my head like helicopter. She even taunts me all the time on how to our tym is different we used to work and had no facilities and todays kids dont have any challenges. She decides all baby preparations and whrn i suggest something she is like no ill will not allow that for child and she keeps on insisting and preparing clothes of my brother in laws daughter who is of 4 year to reuse only then despite of gender and condition of those clothes and pushing me to not buy things for newborn due to evil eye before birth. This woman is driving me crazy for overcaring and pushing me to eat after every hour and drink milk. I am diagnosed with cholestasis a liver condition where doctor asked me to not eat fatty food but she keep on giving me fried food to eat and pushing me saying doctors are crazy these days

What’s the point of life… Like yea, you wake up, shower, eat, do whatever work or go to school, go home, sleep. It’s just a cycle and it’s getting pretty fucking tiring. All this just to die? I understand that there’s more to explore, but what ab the people who genuinely want nothing to do with it? Are we just supposed to stay until we lose our shi and take matters to our own hands? Likeee I don’t mean to sound suicidal and all but like what are we here for? I rlly don’t wanna be here… Evb ik is just so shitty and tiring and draining. I’ve been burnt out for a year or two and nobody even noticed.

Pls read this.

It's now 2026. I'm gonna be 14 in February. I fucking hate this. The future, it's too unpredictable! Like, I can survive. I’m weird if I do my own thing. Who notices the cleaners or waitresses or maids? I’m gonna be okay because no one can hurt me, because they don’t notice me. Best thing I can also do is not go to college either, most successful people dropped out and went their own paths. I’m going my own path, just a slower one, of giving up the risky waters. No one swims in Mangalore seas, those who do are idiots, just wanting to play with their own life. Who even wants to learn about marine life, or history? Seriously, only history you learn from is this kind and how likable you are. I should care what others think, my dad’s wrong to say no to that. Who’d wanna learn about Vietnam or Thailand or India, most them are anyways mean, rude and like polluting the ground. Those who do doctorates for literal fish, to others, it’d be weird. I won’t be word nor trendy, just nothing. It’s easier than being both lanes, anyways. Most kids after realizing they can never be a cool kid from a weird kid soon chose the beige route, at least that’s still a color. You said I’m allowed to be a nobody, I can live with that forever, considering I already ate up 7 years. It’s not judgement, it’s grace on my part, just like giving up. I’m allowed to just be a no one. I can endure, people can sit with that. They don’t sing, “I’m a survivor, I’m not gonna give up” for no reason! I can manage. It ain’t even that bad. Humans are resistible. I can live with being nothing to others, be in routine. Unshakable but predictable routine. Many people live like that. You may say I’m 13, but trust me, I can be smart like that. I just need to remove my curiosity, that intrusive aspect of me to come out of my safe space and be hurt. Don’t go to college, wake up, pass school, form no friendships, eat, sleep, bathe, relieve myself, work in some small job till I finish whatever mortgage and rent I have until I’m 64, so it all over again from 18-64, assuming my work life lasts that long.

See! People are a liability! I can be me to me only! People can live long fulfilling less without these burdens. People really are hell, Sartre was right. I can be rigid, have my own fun life and be with no one, they’re worthless anyways. They all judge, so why bother looking even for one person if it doesn’t exist? You literally said, “Humans don’t need applause, but we do need some meaning. Meaning doesn’t have to come from people, but it has to come from somewhere. Fish, oceans, history, art, dolls, stories. Those are not liabilities. They are anchors.” I’ve had them all my life. I can live with them, make them my friends, since people are a waste. I may be able to survive this year, but I can thrive the rest by this routine! You said people are optional, so why bother with any kind of relationship? Most successful people don’t even have sustainable relationships with people! I can make with next year! I’m 13, I can deal with it. How am I even wrong to say people are hell? You said I’m allowed to not like people, so that means I can handle no one. They all suck anyways. If I want someone as a friend, it won’t matter because it won’t last. I just know it. It’ll be that way. I won’t be surprised by good person who stays because they don’t exist. That’s in movies only where someone is cool like that. Again, pure fiction. No matter how I act, nice or mean or quiet, I’m a nobody to them. It won’t last and it won’t matter. I hate seeing friend groups because they feel stupid. I’m a proud incel girl. I can be a fucking incel, I'm 13.5, it's a good fucking title for me.

See? People are a risk. I can live like an introvert. Work, eat, sleep 7 hours, watch some favorite stuff, draw, repeat. It’s a life many adults do anyways for a while. Look what traveling did to me, it made me sick. Only bad thing now is I’m going to a new home in a few months, which I have to convince my parents somehow I should stay here, my original home. If some real kids can convince their parents not to divorce, I can convince them to not leave and just have them you know, stay and enjoy their investment of the house, even though they spent money on it. I’m smart for saying moving is bad. The kids there will look at me weird, and even if I’m in the same school, I don’t care. New big neighborhood men’ means it’s a social death sentence for me. I’m allowed to stay at home. My original home is safe. You said I CAN not make any friends, so that means I CAN not seek out anyone unless it’s a doctor or anything, but driving, work people, friends, restaurant workers, nope. I’m not gonna drive, I’m not gonna go to college, or pursue any of my interests. Just be a cashier, it’s low stakes and nobody cares for me. Good. Good life. Then I can go home, draw, bathe, pay rent, eat dinner, and sleep. Be Yoshikage Kira, minus the murder aspect. Just have a quiet life and be the background guy forever. It’s easier. That’s my quest for stillness. I may want friends, but since life hasn’t given me any despite me changing, I just simply can’t get them, I’ll give that up and just study, just pass exams, somehow manage 9th grade in IGCSE from CBSE, somehow manage without my original tuition teacher, and just draw and watch stuff and walk in my house because it’s a villa, and even though it’s a big neighborhood, no. I don’t deserve to exist as myself, so I’ll just be the nobody’s of the world. I was nice, my classmates didn’t notice, I was mean, still. Quiet, still didn’t notice. I’d rather just leave at this point. Not life, but just being a person in society, just a person in outskirt city. I hate it when I see people smiling with friends because I know the truth, it’s not gonna last. Since nothing lasts, nothing matters. I’m 13 going to 9th in a bit, so this matters. The last thing to actually matter. Everything matters because we as humans have such short lives, despite everything being temporary. I’m 13, and in the next 10 years, I’ll live in the outskirts. I’ve already lived in the outskirts of school long enough, I’m used to it.

I don’t matter. No one liked me no matter how I acted. I just concluded I can be a wallflower forever. I’ve lived as one anyways long enough to get used to it being permanent. I’m a crazy diamond like Syd Barrett, eventually his reassignment was the reason his band succeeded. Only thing is at least they remembered Syd, who’d remember me and me where I was? My family won’t matter because when you’re an adult, you leave them behind. It’s what everyone does, no matter what dad says about “leaving if your job is also far away, but otherwise you can stay with them”. No. Just let me be still. Forever. I’ve died inside before I even got to see anything good, because it doesn’t exist. Now that we’re moving in a few months, it’s not a new leaf, it’s a new wasteland. A new bad land unless I stay behind in my home, which is 35 minutes away from the new place. Imagine the new kids there who are also disgusting monsters. They’ll only reject me because I know the truth, change is bad. Even before a child says hi to me, I need to role with an iron fist and fight them back with poisonous words, or push them if I have to. I don’t know, I’m scared of these freaks. My subconscious may want some peace, but we got to think logically about this. I’ve survived 7 years, I can survive the next of life. I’m not gonna stack now because I’m on a trip and I don’t see much kids unless they’re coming from school, which even then it disgusts me seeing them laughing together because they think it’s a good time that lasts for only 3 days.

My stupid subconscious may crave hope for one friend now that it’s a neighborhood, but I don’t like it. It’s proven wrong many times with horrid “SMALL TALK”, so I don’t believe it. I wish I had one person who would just leave me alone in this thought, and they’d agree. Too bad they’re not real. The Saya to me, the Fuminori. I wish I had a person who’d share this vision with me, and love me for thinking the same. They’d love me for hating this pathetic world, because they do too. I don’t care if it’s not healthy, if it isn’t, what’s the point of “health”? Humans are shits anyways. Why should I care if I want something better if it doesn’t exist? It’s like wanting a unicorn, it’s not real. Why search someone so fucking fake? My stupid self is that, stupid for wanting better, for believing they exist, for wanting to have another go and thinking that maybe moving a good idea. I’m tougher for saying it isn’t and being rigid. It’s immature of me to maybe look out for more, when there isn’t.

Too bad now in a few days I'm gonna go to a dumb dance class I only said yes to from mom is to please her. I don't believe I'm a good dancer, even fi the teacher said to mom I did an "advanced dance lesson" better than beginners. That's a fucking lie! I don't believe you because I don't believe myself! Those kids didn't laugh to seem respectful, they aren't being honest, they're trying to fake niceness. Just like fucking life. Where the pros treat the new guy with pity, I don't need fucking pity, I want people to berate me because that's honesty to me! And when someone hates the world and wants to burn it as much as I do, I'd be more than friends, because we share the same true vision of the "Earth". Too bad school itself is gonna start day after tomorrow, because guess what, there's the fucking rigged system! The ruler, the principal, may claim we are a united body, but we're all divided into cliques and crews, fuck her. I hope she suffers a painful death with HIV. Fuck the future, fuck the adults, and fuck anyone who isn't a Saya! Fuck!

I have an elder brother named Michael, who has long struggled with social boundaries due to his learning disabilities. Despite being in his 40s, Michael has rarely left home and never held a job, leading to him having no friends. He has a brusque personality which often takes over family gatherings, where he dominates discussions with his incessant "fun facts," oblivious to whether anyone is interested.

My siblings and I have always had a strained relationship with Michael, primarily because our parents allow him to overshadow any social event he's part of. This behavior was one of the reasons behind my older sister’s decision to elope; my mother persistently tried to carve out a significant role for Michael at her wedding.

Now, as I plan my wedding to my fiancée Mel, the issue of Michael’s involvement has resurfaced. Nick, my youngest brother, will be my best man, while my sister and her husband are also playing major roles in the event. My wife-to-be is adamant about having a traditional wedding, unlike my sister who felt forced to elope.

From the outset, Michael criticized the engagement ring I chose for Mel, bombarding us with unnecessary "fun facts" about how diamonds are overpriced and suggesting I should have opted for a cheaper, second-hand ring instead. His relentless lecture on the history of engagement rings really tested our patience, yet our mother simply chuckled and encouraged him, calling him "the professor."

Mel decided then that Michael could not attend our wedding, insisting that if my parents defended his behavior, they would also be uninvited. She is determined not to let our wedding be overshadowed like my sister’s was.

When discussing wedding plans with my mother, I had to remind her of the shopping incident that pushed my sister to elope: Michael had tagged along and gave a prolonged, unsolicited tutorial on wedding dresses. I made it clear that Michael was not invited and that if my parents wished to attend, they would have to respect our decision.

The conversation did not go well. My father tried to argue that Michael’s chatter was harmless, but I firmly explained that it was the exact reason why people avoid him. Eventually, our discussion hit a deadlock, and I ended the call, uncertain if any of my family would attend.

Since then, my mother has been frantically messaging everyone, trying to paint me as the villain for excluding Michael. Mel and I are in agreement; my brother's presence, and possibly even my parents', would disrupt our special day.

If our family drama were part of a reality show, I can only imagine how the audience might react. Producers might spotlight the situation, presenting it as a classic case of family conflict. Cameras would likely capture every dramatic disagreement, possibly casting me in a harsh light for excluding a family member with disabilities. However, they could also showcase the tensions that arise from managing family relationships in special events, sparking debates on the balance between accommodating relatives and maintaining one's boundaries for their mental peace and happiness.

Hey, I know this is a dumb question to ask online but at this point I'm desperate. I'm wondering how to be happy

I haven't been able to feel truly happy in a long time and it's been getting worse. I'm having the same day every single day for half of my life. Even when i try to change it it doesn't really change not really

It's just the same day everyday with a few things being different

I wake up, get insulted by my family for the whole day, read stories, do my chores, walk in circles for hours, go to sleep, repeat. Yeah I've tried to change it I've tried not to be so "miserable" but I can't

My only wish is to go to highschool like other 17 year olds but even that won't come true. My only friend is my dad's friend's wife who I know pitys me and my mother just straight up left years ago

Me and my dad's relationship will forever be ruined after he acted like a pedophile to me when I was 14 then proceeded to call me mentally insane when I brought it up in August because I felt like it was eating me alive. He said that maybe I was hallucinating or having a dream

Sometimes I realise that people don't truly love me or like me or really care that much

People say "practice self love" but they need to realise it's not the same as your father loving you. Or anybody

I used to do the whole self love thing and take care of myself a lot but now I just can't find the will to do that. I haven't brushed my hair in months.

Most days my mind doesn't really absorb, just thinking about unicorns or whatever nonsense. But some days like this one, it feels gut wrenching like my stomach dropped

I'm turning 18 in December this year. Basically in one blink of an eye. I should change but it feels like I'm stuck in a pool full of thick Nutella and honey

But yeah I just want to know how to feel happy. And how to stop feeling so paranoid all the time it's ruining my life.

I know I shouldn't ask such a question online but I have nowhere else to go

I'm not insulting my father or anyone in this message, they'r nice but everyone has their issues and moments I guess. But I'm just saying my opinion, that it hurt me

You know, today has genuinely felt unreal. From waking up in the morning scrolling constantly without a signle muscle to pull me out until 10, to searching for job applications in hopes of eating away at my time in other ways, I felt like I have been aimlessly floating in this world without a single care. I currently have a girlfriend, and think about what could've been with my ex no mattter how much time passes. I feel like i'm going crazy, and I feel so dead. I don't know where to aim myself, and constantly strive to look for ways to become a better person, but the same feeling still exists deep inside of me. I also want to share that, me and my ex talked for months, and I felt like the way things ended were so quick that I was unable to gain closure, and no matter what I do, every girl for the rest of my life will be a rebound. does anyone know ways of being constantly productive. I want to live a life I can look back on, and smile at.

I am sick, and it's so annoying. It's "just" the flu, so of course it's not so bad when you think about others that have it way worse, but I just don't have time to be sick. I can't miss school (like I'm genuinely not allowed to miss more school, I've been sick so much this year), I can't miss practice because we have some tests coming up that will partially determine if I make the big teams this season (very vague, point is that these tests are important) and it's also just really fucking annoying to be sick.

Also, since it's not like a headache-type situation that goes away in a day, it's the flu or something like it. My head, body and joints ache, my nose is running, I'm feverish on/off and I'm coughing and sneezing all the time. And I know I'm gonna feel like this for at least a week because I always do when I get sick like this. But it's not just now I'm getting sick - I got a cold a week or so before Christmas and I swear I haven't been completely fresh since. And yes, I took time off from everything back then, but I just never freaking get over it. And it happens every year; I get sick in November/December and don't completely recover until like March, and in that whole time period it comes back periodically almost like once a month.

Anyways, I'm pretty fkn annoyed by it because now I can't get anything done for the next week because my body aches even just lying still, and once again I don't improve at all in the winter season. And yes, I've called my doctor but they said something along the likes of "oh you have the flu? Like you do every year where you can't get over it? Sounds tough, deal with it"

I want to leave. I want to leave. I want to leave. I want to leave. I hate it here and I can’t handle this anymore. I have never been chosen. I’m always the last one to be picked. I always will be forever. I wasn’t the wanted daughter. I wasn’t the wanted friend. I wasn’t the wanted girlfriend. I wasn’t the wanted wife. I didn’t get to have my baby I wanted for years. Maybe that lady was right. I don’t deserve it. Or maybe it was just a sign, He couldn’t be my baby’s father. How dumb am can I be.? How many times can I handle this before it’s over? You lie to them. You smile to them. You act like nothing had happened. How can I look at you when all I see is her? You wanted her and you won’t tell me it. I don’t know what I want but answers. I feel myself losing trying to understand why. Why will I never be the one? Is it truly because I don’t love myself? Anytime I love myself I seem to not want anyone around. Maybe it’s not even love. I sometimes feel I can’t love, like I don’t even know what that feeling is. My dream is to be alone but I can’t stand sleeping by myself.

For as long as I can remember, I've been the go-to organizer for all of our group activities. Whether planning getaways, dinners, or gatherings, it was a role I thoroughly enjoyed — until it became less about fun and more about expectation. Recently, my role as the organizer has morphed in the eyes of my friends, who playfully nicknamed me the “mom” of our group. At first, it was amusing when they commented on my punctuality or joked about not having to sweat the small stuff because I'd have it covered. But when "Mom" became my moniker in our group chats, the term of endearment felt more like a taken-for-granted label.

Our latest trip was meticulously planned by me, as usual. I organized everything from the Airbnb to the itinerary. While I hoped for some involvement or at least gratitude from my friends, all I got were more jokes and no offers to help. Pushed to my limit, I decided to cancel the entire trip. This led to an explosion of disappointed and angry reactions from my friends, who accused me of being an overreactor and spoiling the fun needlessly. Now, they’re offended, and I’m left questioning my decision: Was canceling the trip an overreaction on my part?

Moreover, the expectations and lack of recognition have left me feeling undervalued, prompting my drastic decision. If I can't enjoy our trips without feeling like a caretaker, maybe it was time they took on some of the responsibilities themselves.

Imagining how this scenario would unfold on a reality TV show adds a dramatic layer to the situation. There would likely be dramatic music as I announced the cancellation, followed by the shocked faces of my friends, each reacting in their unique ways. Interviews would follow where each friend laid out their frustration and confusion, and I'd explain my perspective in a tearful confession. Social media polls might pop up, with viewers siding either with my decision or against it, and dissecting every element of our group dynamics. It’s intriguing to think about how public opinion might sway in such a context.

Did I make the right decision cancelling the trip?

Just curious as someone who's curious about the subject. Unfortunately the internet only tells me what happens, not how, or what the person feels specifically.

For cis gender males...

When you have hanky-panky time... Assuming that you have... Alone or with someone... What does it feel like for a male appendage to um... Have the red human fluid go down there🫣!? I sound ridiculous, but I'm not sure how to word this without there being restrictions😮‍💨. It's completely innocent... I swear🙇🏻‍♀️✨!!

I live in a home full of cis gender females. And one 60+ year old male(the dad figure of the house)... But I wouldn't ask the 60+ year old male... Cause he's also my cousin🫥. And that's just weird🫠.

I mean... Not saying it's not not weird here... It's just... Um... You know... Anonymous😅.

Anyway... The only thing I get from Reddit is...

"It's like warm and it's a build up and then it's a woosh!!" Does that make any forking sense😩!? Cause it doesn't to me🥴!!

And I'm specifically asking about just the red human liquid that flows to that area... Not necessarily the... Um... End result🫥.

I heard somewhere the end result does end up being tingly... But what does "tingly" even mean😫!! Like come on dudes, bros, any cis gender male or people with that particular appendage... Be more specific... What does it feel like🧐!?

And why does it get harder to the touch🤔!? Do people with this particular appendage feel the difference in that particular area🤷🏻‍♀️!?

I'm just really curious... As a very, very, very inexperienced cis female human in her early 20's... I'm just curious🫠.

And no need to answer if anyone is uncomfortable☺️🙏🏻✨... Or just simply doesn't know how to answer😶‍🌫️.

My spouse, Michael, and I cherish a petite yet profoundly significant ritual that blooms each year since we exchanged vows. The essence of this tradition isn't elaborate but holds immense significance in my heart. Each November, specifically on the weekend preceding Thanksgiving, we embark on a serene journey to a quaint town nestled by a lake, merely an hour's drive away. This tranquil outing involves leisurely strolls, heartfelt conversations, and the selection of a unique Christmas ornament. This ornament, tenderly chosen, symbolizes the essence of our year together. It’s a modest day out, yet it profoundly enriches our festive season.

Michael recently befriended a man at his gym named Jake. Their friendship flourished quickly which I think is wonderful, as Michael often shies from forming new friendships. Jake, a hiking and gaming enthusiast, shares numerous interests with Michael, making their bond even more special.

However, a predicament arose when Jake invited Michael for a weekend getaway, coincidentally planned for the same weekend as our cherished tradition. Michael approached me somewhat reluctantly about possibly rescheduling our annual trip so he could join his friend. I was taken aback at first; the thought that he would consider altering our plans wounded me slightly. Michael argued, perhaps sensibly, that changing the date wouldn’t impose any logistical issues.

Despite understanding his point, I couldn’t mask my dismay. This tradition is our sacred communion—a token of our shared life that perhaps holds more esteem in my heart than his. On expressing this, Michael seemed both taken aback and slightly agitated, insinuating that I was making a mountain out of a molehill.

After a brief discussion, Michael agreed to maintain our planned tradition, although I could sense his disappointment, which inadvertently filled me with guilt. Now, wracked with doubt, I ponder if my insistence on maintaining our ritual, pivotal as it may seem to me, is an overindulgence on my part.

Suppose this scenario played out in a reality show setting, the audience might revel in the drama, eagerly awaiting my reaction or criticizing my insistence on tradition. The appealing appeal of reality TV often lies in observing how individuals navigate personal conflicts under the public's scrutinizing gaze. Would viewers champion my dedication to tradition, or would they perceive me as overly rigid and unsupportive of Michael’s new friendship?

Am I unreasonable for wanting our tradition to take precedence over his new friend?

Think about it, there's more benefits to it. You're less surprised by tragedy, you are alive because everyone are liars in your eyes, and when you get hurt, you already knew this was gonna happen.

Really? So far I've had no friends and my family hates that I'm negative. I'm not negative, I'm honest. They hate the fact when I tell them there's no hope in this planet, and that everything is pathetic, and how I won't even be rich and alive to see 20.

People already struggle in this era, so what else is next than to give up and be on the unemployment train? Or vouch for communism over capitalism? I even became negative and I'm happier that zone. It's my comfort zone.

The moment my friends moved on and had their own groups without me, I became the cynic, the dark, the grim. I soon realized at 13 to live in the world, you have to trust no one, not even your family or your home country.

You must hate everyone, and distrust everyone. You must live in fear and disgust of humans, because they try to force-swallow their nasty happy pills down my throat and "be positive".

My family doesn't love me, I'm just a resource, a toy given to them because they wanted to fill out a norm. Have a tall husband, short wife, and 2 kids, one girl and boy.

Benefits of being pessimistic (which even the adults on the room can’t see for some reason):

1) Has a lesser painful impact when being betrayed by something or someone because you low-key suspected the thing with you was a fake

2) Are actually more smarter some you are able to see the messy sides without being too surprised

3) Have enough permission to tell someone, “I told you so!”

4) Able to feel smart and actually be confident because you have enough evidence and gut feeling to prove your point that everything is hopeless

5) Able to understand the world is a mess because everything is too expensive, too less, people can be evil or bigoted, able to see and grasp the flaws of populist people (and people in general) more easily

6) Can rot and feel hopeless without feeling drained or physically affected because already predicted the (crappy) future, in fact can actually thrive in such mental states

7) Able to handle bleak honesty better (like being told “I don’t like you” or “You’re worthless and ugly”) because the pessimism tells you it’s true

8) Great personality trait to have because it meetings and in jobs you can be flat you “ruined” (correct word: told the truth) to your dumb, optimistic puppy employees

9) Can handle isolation and loneliness better (I lasted 7 years with no friends or contact to any classmates, and I’m 13!) because you know everyone, even the adults, around you are idiots to never understand

10) Can grasp the fact the adults are stupid and uncultured without crying because it was already predicted

I can do all that without feeling bad! I can fail and berate myself, and I'll be fine because I'm in my comfort zone. Isn't everyone happy in their zone?

I even felt embarrassed after I got excited because we went to a park we never went to and saw hoopoes, ring-neck parrots, mynas and it had some interesting empty restaurants and 2 colleges nearby, and then I petted a cat on a bench, until I started feeling more itchy, my eye swelled up red, and I realized the doctor was right when she said I have an allergy to dust and cat hair.

So see? I should've just sat, even though I liked walking, seeing the birds, the place itself, and having a nice bubble tea with my mom and brother. I should've argued with mom about my ideology that pessimism is the way to go, rather than let her read her book and me walk around.

That would've ended than us being peaceful and mom not yelling. That cat ruined it!

Sure it didn't bite or scratch me (I would've berated myself for rabies risk), it was oddly quiet and it was weirdly so comfortable to the point it sat on my lap and it didn't even try to attack me when I picked it and lightly threw it on the ground (it's a cat so it can land on its feet, and cat didn't even meow), and when I scratch and petted it, it seemed fine, it sat another time before I picked its belly and put it on the bench, and his eye also looked kinda swollen, until I started itching and my eye also got swollen, and mom in a kinda disappointed tone said, "Oh, why did you do that?"

Before we got bubble tea and I put the drink on my eye to cool it, then at home (after we picked my brother in the same park from his piano exam. You see, in one area there was an auditorium hub, and he did it there, we were just nearby) I put the ice pack on my rash, eye and mom put eye drops.

It's better now, but I shouldn't have done it! Still, I shouldn't have trusted my gut, and I should've never sat near that thing.

Hell, I should've argued with mom about my philosophy, instead of excitedly telling her about the hoopoes and ring-necks like an 8 y/o! I'm 13!

Isn't it just stupid I got excited over a dumb bird, and a bit confused why an Indian parrot was in UAE, and there was 6 of them near the college (it was Middlesex University in Dubai)?

I should've argued and be cynical, that's more grown up! I may have been happy while roaming around, but not everything happy is good!

And why was I even looking around the place and drinking that with my family? I should've asked for a coffee, like adults!

I'm not pretending it never happened, I'm admitting it did, and admitting how much of an avoidable situation it was!

It's a stupid stray cat, it's not like it's gonna cry if you leave it!

And I was even dumber for thinking it was a calm cat, it was, it didn't react much at all (I know it's not dead, his eye just looked weird, and I hope he was alright, showed no signs of sneezing, coughing or snot, his left eye was just swollen), even when I picked it up and put on the ground first, and then the chair, I shouldn't have trusted that fiend!

And why did my left eye also get swollen? Again, I was being stupid! People with allergies don't go anywhere near things they have reactions to, even if it's not anaphylactic!

Again, what allergic person goes near their allergies? Lord knows I was being stupid. I shouldn't have trusted it. It may have been gentle, maybe kinda old, but I shouldn't have even thought about going there.

This is one of the memories where being calmer and hopeful hurts you. This is the other chapter in my book of that.

Stupid cat fur. Can't even be a normal person.

But my benefits! Oh, don't tell me, "Be positive!" Again, it's happy pills institutions feed us to keep us controlled. That's like saying surgery is bad because people die from it. More people have lived!

If I apply the same with everyone, family, friends, teachers, strangers, I'll be alive. I won't be on the ground betrayed by a fraud.

More people have been hurt by surprises. So, the more I expect down, I can never be hurt. Better to never be hurt ever than get hurt once, right?

Come on, if I don't trust anyone, I'll be fine! It's how we work, right? People wall up all the time. Don't they?

I mean, army men don't trust EACH OTHER, so? I can wall up forever, or at least decades and be okay! It's how I managed without friends! Hermits did it! I can have that life!

Another thing, how does looking or doing things you like supposed to make you feel better when you failed at something?

Again, I didn't draw for months, and then during that time, I made mood boards and just sat at home doing nothing. Then, when I failed 2 of my exams, I turned to watch what I liked, created more boards, got back to making my doll, and eating, and wanting to go out to malls to cure my misery.

Yeah, useless. This is fleeting joy. This isn't the joy where you are happy for life. It still means I'm a failure to my family, even if my mom says I'm not a failure.

Exams will define my college selection, my grade promotion, and life! Says the woman who got 70/100, thinking she failed when she's top 5 scorers in school for getting 85-95!

Again, I always think she's lying. What's the catch? What's the hidden meaning behind, "We may argue but I won't leave you and stop loving you."

People leave when they have a big argument after many microaggressions, or maybe one big thing happened and they all hate each other! They fight and leave, it's the big thing that holed their relationship!

Movies show it, and they're praised as realistic, so explain this. My brain's a soldier in armor for knowing this and suspecting this.

Guess what? Okay, maybe my arguments are the micro-aggressions, until we have that BIG FIGHT, and she sends me elsewhere!

Don't tell me, mom, that you won't send me anywhere or deport me back no matter how angry you are, you will soon.

I have maturity in pessimism than my family, so at least I'm good at that and nothing else.

I'm smart. I'm confident because of it.

My mom spews trash when she says, "Don't talk about your miseries all the time or any bad thing all the time, we just did something good yesterday."

We may have binged a show we liked, had good food, went out to a new park we've never been to, and had bubble tea, but to keep myself not too happy, I have to remember the bad things.

Isn't it how we keep ourselves in check and not too...joyful?

Joy can make people do stupid things, and when you distrustful of everything, you'll have all the things trying to hurt you not hurt you.

Isn't numbness good?

And so what if it's a cage? Better than to fly in a forest where you could get eaten by an animal.

Flying's bad in that case. It's a cage that keeps me safe, with food, shelter, confidence, security, and my thoughts.

I'm fine here! In fact, I'm happier here than being positive. I'm happier here, it's how I've managed for years, I only got more emotional when I started listening to my heart.

It shouldn't be there! I should grow out of it. It may be screaming me to not be this "hard", but it's being stupid.

It's like a kid telling me not to watch TV today or I'll go blind today and need a walking stick.

See? I can be happy being alone when thinking negative, because how can anyone hurt me or leave me?

Bad things only teach you they're bad.

You break up with someone when you both couldn't control it, it was worthless.

If you studied and still failed an exam, it was worthless.

You had a friend who moved from you, that friend was worthless.

If this is "living", I reject living. I accept survival.

Seeing pain as bad, and emotions as bad, it's how I've coped for years now. I managed since I was 12, for some stuff, but it's increased now at 13.

I was okay until I listened once to my heart. That made me feel bad, and it made my mom be a "friend".

Who has their mom as a friend?!

I've been vulnerable to a teacher, and she took me too literally! She got me out of school for 3 days, when I felt perfectly fine to go!

And even I feel guilty, and now mom's all like, "You should now speak to me, because only I know you better than them."

Hag, you're my mom. Who has their moms as confidants!?

I'm supposed to have many friends at this age, not be alone with mom.

I can even fake with a few people to look cool! I'll figure it out!

Everybody else has friends. I don't. I'm 1 of the 2 kids in the class with no friend. There's only one girl, but if I spoke to her, it'll be awkward. She's very quiet, very soft-spoken.

If girls can fake boyfriends and then fall in love like in movies, I can do it with friends!

If I DARE get awkward, it's bad. Means I'm weak, shameful even.

I must fake it. I can forget it exists if the sky has smog in it. I'd rather breathe in my own breath than that in my cage.

Everything uncontrolled is bad! I'm allowed to be a hermit!

You may say hermits were missing human connection but they convinced themselves it was fine. Why can't I do that?

I'm a martyr for that. I'm a martyr for isolation.

So please, people here, what happened when you were pessimistic for a long while? I bet it benefited you more than gave you issues.

But be honest, tell everything...

Recently, I went through an incredibly tough time—I lost my pregnancy at 12 weeks. Only my husband, Dan, knew as we decided to keep this private until I was mentally prepared to discuss it with others.

Things took an unexpected turn when my sister, Emma, visited me the other day. She inquired about my well-being in a way that felt oddly specific. Confused, I questioned her about what she meant. Emma looked shocked and hesitated a bit before telling me that Dan had shared news of our miscarriage. He believed that letting others know would aid in my healing process.

I was stunned and felt utterly betrayed. Later, when I confronted Dan, he confessed that he hadn't wanted to "hide" our situation anymore. This led to a massive argument between us, and in a fit of anger, I locked him out for the night.

Currently, Dan has moved temporarily to his mother's house. He thinks I overreacted and feels humiliated because his family got involved. On my part, I'm hurt and believe he really overstepped by sharing something so personal without my consent.

Now, imagining if this drama unfolded in a reality TV show, I can just see the cameras zooming in on our argument and the producers playing sad music over my confession scenes. The internet would probably have a field day analyzing our relationship dynamics and debating about privacy in a marriage. How surreal that would be!

Was I right in feeling violated and angry, or did I really take things too far?

Ok SO. Im 18 (afab) and my father has been raising me on his own since I was like 3?? He himself has gone through an abusive and pretty traumatic life, however since I could think it has been... exhausting. To live with him. The alternative is worse, and I have literally no where to go. He likes saying rude (homophobic, demeaning, racist whatever you can think of) things because he thinks my reaction is "funny". FUNNY. like yeah sure me getting upset because I do not understand youre joking is FUNNY. Ive always, ALWAYS struggled with tone and in general social stuff. I dont know why, ive tried to get better but its literally a guessing game for me especially with my father but in general with everyone. My father has always had high expectations for me, he used to get REALLY mad at a C, he has gotten used to it in certain subjects yet hes still like "You wont get your Abi with this" (Im german, abitur is a qualification for University). Hes also really weird sometimes. as in. he will joke about me being his mother or girlfriend, even when i have explicitly asked him to stop. He also constantly threats throwing me out if I dont behave how he wants. I know he has had a rough life. I KNOW THAT. But i also know it doesnt excuse whatever the hell he does. He belittles me and then afterwards acts like a knight in shining armour, like "dont think those things about yourself!" like i didnt until YOU mentioned it! He also thinks I have BPD or some shit for no reason (he has refused to get me therapy multiple times) like hey. If you think I got something THEN GET ME INTO THERAPY LIKE I HAVE ASKED YOU TO. He can constantly track where I am, hes worried about me. i get it. BUT I TURN 19 THIS YEAR. show an OUNCE of trust in me. I have gotten like. everything I need in life, I ask for anything material, I will most likely get it from him sometimes in the future, but hey! Wild thought! Maybe you shouldve TAUGHT ME how to handle my emotions! I dont know how to do this shit! And hes not helping with yelling at me when I start crying about how im crying for no reason and that im an adult! This is all over the place im sorry its like 2 AM and i did this on the spot because im just. tired. I dont wanna end it or anything, my friends would be too sad for that but im just. So so tired. I dont feel like I have achieved anything with my life, i dont think im good at anything, i dont like who I am or how I look. I also dont know how to change it because whenever I try asking for help people reassure me that im fine the way I am. "Youre not annoying" "Eventually youll feel like youre good at something!" "Once you moved out everything will be better!" But what if its not? What if im just doomed? I know its stupid, im 18 I have like a century ahead of me. But it also feel like im just pushing a boulder up a hill. I want to be better, i want to move more but whenever I try to I literally cant. Its like my brain doesnt allow me to. And I have no one to talk to, no one to turn to. Like im not gonna unload all this shit on my friends? They know most of the story but I act fine now. And I have no other parent, no other adult to confide in. Again. sorry. All over the place and really depressing i suppose.