Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I've always been somewhat of a recluse, deliberately steering clear of social media and generally shying away from the spotlight. My wife knows this well, yet she refrains from uploading my photos online, though I’ve never explicitly forbidden her from doing so. I’ve always preferred simple, quiet celebrations for events like Father’s Day or my own birthday, keeping any unnecessary attention at bay.

Recently, I was diagnosed with a very treatable form of skin cancer. Detected early, the prognosis was excellent, with a negligible risk of serious consequences. As an engineer, I approached the situation with a level of detachment, comforted by the statistics and my doctor’s positive outlook. Naturally, I confided in my wife, who became overwhelmingly concerned despite my reassurances. We decided that it would be best to keep our children in the dark about my condition, sparing them any worry over something I believed to be a minor issue. My wife reluctantly agreed.

However, just days later my father contacted me, alarmingly inquired about my “battle with cancer.” It appeared that my wife had disclosed my diagnosis on Facebook that morning. When confronted, she defended her actions by claiming I hadn’t specifically asked her not to share it online, only to avoid telling our children. Frustrated but resolute, I convinced her to remove the post.

My treatment progressed smoothly, and soon, I was officially in remission. My doctor cheerfully informed me that while they avoid saying "cured," effectively, I was. Overjoyed, my wife and I hoped to move past this chapter. Or so I thought.

This past weekend, I arrived home to find a street bustling with cars and many more parked in my driveway. Confused, since no significant dates had come to mind, I entered the house only to be greeted by a surprise party celebrating my remission. I was completely taken aback – my wife knew my stance on surprise gatherings and yet had organized one for something I considered deeply personal. Claiming a sudden need to return to the office, I quickly excused myself, grabbed a few inconsequential files from my study, thanked the guests, and left. Later, my wife confronted me, leading to an argument where I expressed my disapproval of her turning a personal milestone into a public celebration.

Following the incident, there's been a noticeable tension between us. My brother even called me out, labeling me an 'asshole' for my reaction, suggesting I was too harsh.

Imagine if all this drama unfolded on a reality show. Viewers would probably be divided, some sympathizing with my need for privacy, while others might argue that my wife’s actions, though misguided, were rooted in love and deserved a more gracious response from me. It could have become a classic episode filled with conflict, emotional interviews, and maybe even a reconciliation scene, grabbing the audience’s attention with genuine, raw human experience.

Am I wrong for feeling upset about my wife's public celebration of my private health matter?

you know what's frustrating? as a 51-year-old man in today's ever-evolving world of IT, i find myself surrounded by young, energetic team members who are fresh out of college and brimming with new ideas. year after year, i'm met with the same scenario: eager juniors who think they have it all figured out (but they just use claude code and they know nothing). it's baffling how they waltz into meetings wielding their technological prowess as if they are the kings (or queens) of the digital realm. i mean, really??? sure, technology is advancing at breakneck speeds and yes, there are things i learn along the way too, but come on! oftentimes when i attempt to share my decades worth of experience or provide guidance, i'm brushed aside like an old newspaper. that can be so bloody offensive!!!

isn't it amusing how life works sometimes? we spend our youthful years building knowledge and skills only to discover that we're becoming dinosaurs in our own fields because youngsters view us as outdated! well not me pal!!!!! just because you're young and tech-savvy doesn't mean you’ve got it all sewn up like grandma's quilt - though gosh knows it might take more than a stitch or two to patch up that attitude lol! what really gets under my skin is this presumed superiority complex... quoting shakespeare here this 'insolence born from demands' seems fitting doesn’t it?

i guess these whippersnappers do come armed with innovative solutions now and then. lord knows I’ve seen them save our bacon once or twice when systems crashed spectacularly! so sure??!! there’s value in diversity!!! if we merge experience with novelty maybe we'd strike gold ha??? maybe listening will bridge generational divides! shifting paradigms huh.... truly takes patience & diplomacy both ways!!!

(its my first time posting on here, i just needed a place to vent and feel heard)

long story short, when i was around 5-8 (dont remember exactly) i was sa'd by my older brother and his best friend at the time. i was way too young to understand what was happening to me, all i knew is that it felt bad but they wouldnt stop. thankfully this only happened once because i told my mom, but then it was never brought up again, until a couple weeks ago.

the thing is that i never thought of it as SA because it felt too horrible admitting to myself that i am a victim. that being said, this trauma began showing up as me hating femininity, wearing baggy clothes to the point i didnt even undress at the beach/pool/during summer, i absolutely hate the idea of coming across as vulnerable, smoking, substances, SH,etc... in november of 2024 i finally accepted the reality. it felt so horrible that i relapsed in smoking but i thought it was better than relapsing in SH.

long story short, ive made a lot of progress since then. i told my therapist about it and it was the first time i cried in therapy in 5 years, i told my mom about it and she was very loving, but i still cant overcome it.

the nightmares and flashbacks stopped after i managed to talk to my mom about it. but theres one thing left to do, and that is to talk to my brother about it.

the reason why this is like the final boss of overcoming the trauma is that he's made advances on me in the past. not recent, but around 4 years ago he tried to get me to let him 'penetrate' me. apart from that, he's also made comments on my body when i was forced to wear dresses for formal events, talking about how big my boobs are, or how sexy i am. he has also sent me a picture of his dick in the past. thats as recent as last year.

sexual trauma is such a huge part of my subconscious identity that i am almost a legal adult and ive never been in a relationship. i dont wear makeup or dress in a feminine way cause i see it as being vulnerable. ive also never talked to my irl friends about any of this, even tho im craving to have someone listen.

i let my brother get away with so much because our dad passed away a few years ago, and i felt like my brother just wasnt in his right mind. that being said, a lot of what i mentioned happened before my dad's passing and even then, i let him get away with it because dad was an alcoholic.

surviving trauma is hard, but i think surviving the aftermath is even harder.

the first time i admitted to myself that the sa did in fact happen, i threw up.

I'm 21 and i lived a reverently hard life with an alcoholic father and drug addict mother, life wasn't easy but my older sister made it work. When I was 12 my oldest sister hung herself and my best friend shot herself 2 months later. i know death, and death knows me too. I've done all stages and moved past my emotions. but a few months ago, an 17 year old girl who i knew, lived with, helped her father raise her and love her was hit by a car at 5 in the morning because she rode her bike with no lights or reflectors. for a while i told her to use a light. i couldn't get her off the streets. i tried so so so fucking hard but i couldn't. so i showed her how to survive the streets. who to trust, who too watch for, what to watch for, how to watch your back without looking suspicious. she loved boxing, so me and her would practice for hours in the driveway leaving bruises on each other and laughing. right before she died i moved away 2 hours away from my home, my people, my village, everything i knew to move in with my boyfriend as i wanted out from under my father and in a life of my own. but she died. that 2 hour drive felt like 2000 years. everyone says i spoke a beautiful speech at her funeral but i barely remember it. i just remember her being so cold, telling her ill see her again one day and crying into her fathers chest [he's my uncle just not blood uncle] i came back with my boyfriend and helped move his family into a new home, i started a new job and have been struggling so so much. me and my boyfriend went through a period where we were fighting a lot. the moment things were getting better i found out he was on a fetish app talking to multiple girls and sending dick picks. he lied to my face and act like he didn't know i knew. things have finally started moving past that. but I'm stuck. i want my riley back, my fighter, my smoke buddy, my soul snatcher, my hot headed, spicy beautiful little girl back... i was only 4 years older then her but i felt like her mother. i loved her like i was her mother. i showered her when she was depressed and couldn't. i hand feed her right after and brushed her hair, dressed her and took her out. i want those days. id take seeing her severely depressed then in that casket because at least with one she's alive even if its barely. I almost got fired and on the edge of being fired. i feel like I'm not enough. i wasn't enough for my sister and best friend. i wasn't enough to keep her alive and smarter with her decisions, i wasn't enough to have him not cheat on me. I'm not enough to do good at work. I'm not enough. I'm never enough. I'm always too much or never enough. how can i move past something that turned my whole world upside down and across the galaxy. I'm so tired. and not in a "i wanna go to sleep" way but in a "see them all once again for eternity" kind of way. what do i do.......

I have toxic family environment so I can't study, they disturb my mental state so I am unable to focus on study and I am stressed if I don't study my future will be spoilt

So, I JUST performed at a convention with my dance team 4 hours ago. A member was unfortunately ill the day of, which meant reworking the formations and dance 2 HOURS before the performance to make it look more cohesive.

I love and am proud of my dancing journey, and how much I've improved over the years. My hard work has brought me to the point where I'm prided as "one of the best" in the group.

I had a member who once told me: '"If you of all people aren't able to nail the dance, who else would?"

I feel proud to be someone that my members view as "reliable" or as "an ace". It gives me confidence, and pushes me to work harder to fulfill those expectations. I always strive for a flawless, confident performance.

However, it has its drawbacks. My perfectionist tendencies and the pressure causes me to feel EXTREMELY depressed if I ever make a mistake.

In the performance we had today, my leader gave me the missing member's part and new formations to learn. During our last minute practices, everything went well and I thought I could handle it. I've done it before.

But on stage is a whole different ballgame because you're dealing with stage fright. After that, your focus is on fascinating the audience with your stage presence/expressions, which means relying on muscle memory for the dance.

I made AT LEAST 3 mistakes in there: I was in a wrong formation, I almost bumped into a member during her part, and I made up the missing member's part on the spot (because I couldn't remember what her gestures were). All of these were from the last minute changes we made.

What hurts even more I'd that I had coworkers and friends in the crowd who came to cheer me on. I also saw crowd cheering for me when I nailed a move, but I couldn't dare look them in the eyes when I felt myself messing up.

After the performance, I REALLY wanted to just hug someone and sulk quietly. But I didn't do that because I don't want my members to worry, make a big deal out of it, or for them to think that we did terrible.

For heaven's sake, I LOVE being at conventions. I'm a geek! It's one of my favourite places to be. I'm supposed to be happy right now, but I felt so upset and angry with myself. I couldn't stand putting a fake smile, pretending all was okay when I know I didn't perform at my best. Nor did I feel like enjoying the rest of the events or exploring the Artist Alley and merch, which is something I love doing.

So out of shame, I just left.

I know mistakes happen and I'll overcome this eventually, but I can't help but feel like I let my members, myself and everyone who cheered for me down.

I betrayed my boss because he betrayed me. He looked after his own image, not mine. I was going to be relegated to the office of an outcast, someone no one could do anything about, and I couldn't allow that. The resulting repercussions were going to be overwhelming, given how much I was being sidelined, and that's what prompted me to take action. It all started when a girl blocked me, something she hadn't done with the rest of the group, effectively excluding me and making me feel completely excluded, as if I weren't part of her life, as if I were different from everyone else, and that infuriated me. I told my boss, but he did nothing about it, and I had to intervene because I knew she would be able to tell others about it and cause further repercussions. I told other authorities, but they did absolutely nothing; in fact, they tried to stay as far away as possible.

I was very worried about the social repercussions, especially the fact that the girl might take advantage of the situation to pull tricks in her pursuit of a modicum of equality. My boss and his secretary made it seem like I had to be the strong one, that I shouldn't let her get away with it, leaving me completely helpless to the point where they pressured me into seeing a psychiatrist, accusing me of being weak and therefore potentially facing social repercussions. The issue was clear: I had to take action and be there for her. She could do whatever she wanted, however she pleased, but no one was going to do anything. Well, having said that, I understand that something was being done, and it was to make her look bad, to the point of trying to get her fired as soon as the first incident occurred. However, that wasn't the real plan, because it all started when I began talking to her, of course, after she had already started talking to me in person. My relationship with her was virtual. I couldn't just leave her helpless, nor could I turn a blind eye, especially since the girl and I were discussing the possibility of forming a group. In this sense, my boss tried to impose his will, using orders as a defense for me in any situation and running away, trying to avoid saying anything, hoping that what happened between the girl and me wouldn't come to light after the conflict.

He tried every possible way to obstruct us, to make her look bad, crazy, even to instruct me in violence, also because after the conflict and under the resulting blockade, she would be at a complete disadvantage, especially since she doesn't like to back down from her decisions, and even more so when it involves something that might make others doubt her. However, I didn't allow it. I played the victim, to completely undermine him, to make him look out of place. The boss demanded a deal with her to avoid causing them more problems, when it was my problem. He made threats about toys, which I silenced with real threats. He wanted to prevent me from associating with her at all costs, because if I did, it would reveal a situation of rejection within his group. The doubt about whether it existed would be taken as certainty, something that went against my principles. He was acting like a hero at first, but of course, there had to be some benefit to it. Quite rightly, they told me I was exaggerating, and I was, but that was living in my own world, something they could never penetrate.

My boss was a complete scoundrel. When I achieved my goal, they tried everything to undermine my image, to suggest that I was taking advantage of the situation, that I was being narcissistic, for having denounced him, for having exposed his efforts to keep me the way he wanted me, and also for hurting the girl. However, this didn't go unpunished for him at all. First, there was the matter with the authorities, the complaint, and then there was another complaint, this time made public, more than justifying what I had told the authorities. They definitely made things worse for themselves.

There was a guy yesterday who caught my attention. He kept making comments that were trying to influence my way of doing things, to make me believe things, but in the end, he turned out to be like some kind of inner circle, with sacred secrets that he didn't want to be revealed. I wasn't going to be around someone like that. With every comment he made, I felt trapped, taking advantage of the friendly image we were projecting in public, and it was something I didn't like. I was playing along, always trying to distance myself, but he just kept getting more and more entrenched and wouldn't budge. More or less, that was my boss's way of doing things, at all costs. With me, of course, he operated based on his own principles. For example, we were talking about being out on the street, sharing intimate things. He was, and still is, an excellent person, but I just don't like to keep that kind of intimacy with others.

It resulted in a vague exchange of information, and it's not the kind of conversation I want to have, at least not occasionally. It was clear the guy had the best intentions and that his relationship wouldn't go any further. However, the problem is that in the long run, I was going to hold onto things that would cloud the relationship because I didn't agree with his methods; they're not my style. Surely, for someone else, it might be the same. And I understand him; being selective based on well-verified evidence is something one appreciates, and he was consistent throughout.

That wasn't the case with my boss, who acted based on nothing, on his own imagination, on his own world with me, trying to completely overstep the bounds of the context, the tone of the conversation, trying to go too far when there wasn't that friendly tone, when the context wasn't appropriate for them. He was completely out of place in the office; he was, and is, someone just trying to survive there. No matter how much the top boss talks about attending, about doing something about it, if she doesn't say so herself, I don't believe my boss at all. He uses anything and everything, emotional manipulation, to get things done; it's not prudent. This guy, well, he was reciprocal, it was hard for him, but he was. I confess he's not the type of person to force things, to always be in that state of anxiety, because it also depends on circumstances. So, getting close to him results in a comfort zone that will be hard to maintain at all costs. I'm definitely grateful to have met him and to have seen him from the start, with that mindset, and somehow I felt we were heading towards a point of convergence, but it's not the right time yet, and I don't know why. I have the feeling that he's capable of seeing it, which isn't the case with my boss, from whom I have no expectations, no reflections whatsoever. Instead, he seeks to persevere, moving in his own direction to then surprise you, which he calls convincing you. He's a manipulative person who tries to shift blame for things that aren't the proper way to act with others in an office, for God's sake. That kind of acting like you're not in the office is something I can't stand. This young man, on the other hand, was aware that he was out in the field, despite our differing, even opposing, principles. He was aware of the context in which he operated, and he wasn't abusive. He earned trust through sheer determination. My boss, however, didn't operate accordingly. In fact, I can feel that I wasn't obligated to be around this young man. I'd even say that he's already looking forward to getting rid of this whole mess with people. Like me, he wants to achieve something organized, but definitely not imposed, because things will eventually explode, and pretending otherwise is just wishful thinking—something my boss, for God's sake, definitely operates on.

That young man certainly has leadership qualities and is aware that he's not a big deal. He displays a pleasant caution, taking things slowly and allowing others to speak. However, my boss is completely out of control. I definitely found myself in the opposite situation to my boss.

Suicide is justified

why shouldn’t we choose to exit? Death is inevitable anyway whether I die at 17, 47, or 89, the end is the same. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Helping, studying, relationships don’t fill the void so why keep patching something unfixable? Even if life improves later, that’s still a gamble right now suffering feels endless, and it’s unfair to force someone to endure just because “it might get better.” Life feels like theft, not gift born without consent, condemned to suffering, then robbed by death.

suicide isn’t just “choice,” it’s the end of all choices. If you exit now, you deny your future self the possibility of ever choosing differently. The amount of life experienced is the difference. If meaning is something you can create, then more time = more possibility. the void isn’t eliminated, it’s carried differently. That shift (existential acceptance) changes how much power the void has. Suicide blocks that possibility forever. I agree but I have no motivation to play this game.

you can decide whether to treat life as a burden or a canvas. The injustice of being born doesn’t mean the only justice is exit. Suicide hands victory to those who hurt you; living (even broken, even with void) is resistance. I agree and I don't want victories anymore.

I may never “fix” happiness, but i can still create meaning or peace and that possibility only exists if i stay. Right?? Yes but pain is unbearable and there's no way I can fill this void.

Uncertainty Principle (Heisenberg) Nothing is 100% fixed. Even particles don’t have definite positions/velocities until observed. Exactly: The “permanence” of my void is also uncertain. Just like particles, my inner state isn’t fixed. As we know Quantum Superposition A particle can exist in many states at once until measured.

Science and medicine can’t fill a void; it can change conditions so that the void stops swallowing everything. It can raise the floor (sleep, nutrition, meds), loosen the grip (therapy skills), and make room where meaning-making is possible.

“In quantum mechanics, X (a cause) doesn’t force only one effect (Y). It creates a range of possible outcomes {Y, Z, A…}. Which one becomes real depends on interaction/observation in life, that’s your choices and actions, But Possibility ≠ happiness it is only the chance. The void remains, yet the collapse is yours."

Suicide is a rational solution to suffering. you can't know what comes after death. If it's nothingness, yes, suffering ends. But if it's something (unknown state, spiritual consequence, ripple effect), the assumption breaks. I believe in nothingness. Life has no inherent meaning suicide is neither wrong nor right. Life has no meaning but precisely because of that, we must create our own meaning. Suicide "skips the responsibility" of creating. Yes, life is suffering, but the measure of a human is how they bear suffering and turn it into strength. Ending it early is abandoning your post. Since you didn't choose birth, the only place you do have choice is what you make out of this forced existence. Isn't it cruel to ask someone drowning in despair to wait for an uncertain tomorrow, when their suffering is certain today? void of meaninglessness certainty vs possibility. I Don't ask "what makes me happy?" I Ask "what makes me 2% lighter?" Still nothing works I'm not happy anymore. I used to believe When meaning is present, happiness sneaks back as a by-product. But I'm Wrong. Same with emotional rewiring. Only from stability can happiness grow. But slowly I'm feeling it will not work. Years of disappointment/ trauma condition me to "not expect joy" so even when it's there, i don't trust it. It's not the genuine happiness I feel. My brain doesn't take it. I have seen through the game of "do this be happy." i realize the loop is empty so happiness feels fake. I agree partially, studying 24/7

doesn't give me happiness but it can give me purpose. "Purpose sustains you when happiness can't." I do partially agree.

The unfair part of life is that we didn't choose to be born yet we're expected to carry on as if there's nothing wrong. When we didn't decide to whom or how we're born, why should we continue living a miserable life when there's a way out? There is far too much obsession with "success" and material gain, and not enough empathy. Suicide isn't selfish. What's truly selfish is neglecting someone so badly to the point that they want to kill themselves.

I feel like the only reason that suicide wouldn't be justified in the ultimate sense) is if your life still contains obligations (unfinished responsibilities to others, society, or even to yourself).

I don't feel happy... there's no happiness trust me.

since 4th grade I've been getting bullied but I once prayed to god to make me more pretty but I didn't get it I got self-confidence and idk if that was actually god bc I'm religiously neutral but I don't know what changed

I don't want to share my knowledge with the office, my reflections, which will remain solely with me in the future. I'm not interested in doing so; it truly pains me, because they're supposed to know all these things, but they don't. They don't act according to protocol, but rather by chain of command, in a way that's almost military in nature. In every action taken, the law is involved; that's the spirit of the military, based on containing and preventing conflicts from escalating. This is the spirit the office aspires to, for God's sake.

They don't know how to behave in an office, and yet they make a living by pretending to be the wisest, and that's the majority. Ignorance reigns, and of course, where ignorance reigns, the one-eyed man is king. The one who can best escape the way things are is the one in charge, because he's the one who knows how to evade the defenses. That's why my boss was so rebellious in that office. I've been thinking about this for a while, wondering why this guy reached the point he did. The purpose of an office is unclear; documents serve merely as excuses, safeguarding authority and maintaining a facade. However, the focus is not on producing results, on hierarchical support, or on acting simply because someone is present—that's the spirit of any such presence—but rather on pre-established protocols. No problem, which is what I witnessed there, can be resolved by an order as an excuse, for God's sake. That office is a disaster from every perspective, and of course, the people are on the defensive because they don't know how to defend themselves. Instead, they use the image to sow doubt, to denigrate it; this is the key to surviving through the territorialization that no one told them to undertake. The company is merely decorative; there is no company. It has been hijacked by those in charge to do whatever they please, as long as the facade of a company is maintained.

I am completely disappointed by the improvisation, by this game, by the fact that things aren't taken into account, and that a young woman paid the price for her negligence. A young woman leaked a text message, not knowing what to do with it, a message that clearly stated it was for everyone to read—that's the point, after all, there's nothing to hide, unless there's a secret agreement, and of course, it doesn't involve any illicit scheme, which never happened. That text, which I wrote, wasn't shared by anyone who told the young woman she was doing the right thing, that it was simply a matter of documenting the situation. Instead, they only focused on what she was doing, on the image, not the action itself, thus creating a bias that validated the idea that she was trying to mess with others with her overly open-mindedness, which even overshadowed her work at the office, which was relegated to the background. I ask again, who can I share these thoughts with if they don't share this mindset? Knowing how to manage a company is considered a matter for scholars, for goodness sake. Instead of being the foundation, instead of requiring constant reflection, it all seems to point to a continuous display of power through imposition. Do these people accept criticism? Of course not. They're so nervous about having their mistakes exposed that they live only to defend themselves. Naturally, they can't maintain a stable structure.

These people aren't prepared to work, unfortunately, and it pains me to say it like this. They aren't. There's no culture of collaboration. It seems the school system has failed completely. People come in and do whatever they please with a big smile. Personally, I see that they're neglecting their work, for no other reason than to avoid expressing, divulging, or, in popular terms, exposing themselves—that they came to socialize. And believe me, I was told what I was doing when I kept to myself. I wish I had someone to talk this over with, but that person doesn't exist. The girl I teamed up with there definitely doesn't seem ready for this conversation because her socialization framework, her starting point, is radically different from mine. That's why I say our socialization styles are opposites. But I won't deny that if we made the effort, if we focused, she would understand what I have to say, just as I would understand hers. But functionality is what would divide us, because we would see difficulties in fulfilling our respective principles, leading to conflict.

The girl connected with me because, unlike the others who were caught between one framework and the other, and despite those who were in the same framework and lived through disappointment, and the others—the intermediate ones I'm referring to—who followed these others, she found that those who shared her same spirit weren't anything transcendent; they brought her problems that couldn't be solved.

That girl found a sacred place, something concrete, from elsewhere, from another world, something unknown to her, which, of course, raised her highest standards of socialization to the point of grounding it in something unique. And I certainly showed her that this was possible, through her fear of losing it, something that was indeed achieved. We were in that process; she always knew she could connect with me, that I could protect her, because she was clear about my principles, which were based on a strictly professional framework. In turn, she offered me something interesting, which was that strictly social framework, the issue being explicitly like mine. We could protect each other, and furthermore, we could understand each other, feel each other, embrace each other. I feel we like each other, but we don't want to get involved in anything sexual or other intimate ways. Maybe there might be some other similar things, but always with the understanding that each of us has our own life, which is different from the other's, but that we can understand each other and that we are capable of living with our differences, unlike how others think. That resentment is what motivates us to be together, to seek that form of intimate contact, and to form a group in front of the office. We are on our own, given the way we are together, where the social structure is somewhat disappointing, as is the professional one. However, both serve as a way to be in that office, to allow our group to exist, since there is a defensiveness from both perspectives.

My boss and his secretary operated from this same mindset, but it always ended in disaster thanks to their attempts to colonize us in some way, by any means necessary, at the cost of preventing the disclosure or doubt of the results with the departments they managed. In our case, we keep our distance from others, and our work is completely out in the open. Indeed, we are more trusted by the group than the others, who then go their own way, definitely. We make an impact and stand out because our way of socializing is different. The others coexist by preventing conflicts and accepting one or two others, whereas we embrace them and transcend them. Life between her and me is a constant conflict, because her life, under the same circumstances, points in one direction, and my principles in another. But being opposed, they allow for a direction to be forged; in essence, a dialectic is found, since by being opposed, and therefore having something of the other, this direction can be achieved. It's not easy to talk about this with someone. What existed between my boss and his secretary was a clash of opposing viewpoints, where the one who projected the best image to the group in terms of interpersonal skills won. However, they didn't consider the consequences beyond establishing a tyranny of silence among the others to prevent themselves from falling short of the objectives others expected of them.

I mean, admitting I took these tests at the office would be like getting myself killed. I think it's very important to carry them out in order to achieve effective collaboration with the young woman.

OKOK SO MY DAD got like REALLY angry at me yesterday and i dont really get y??

also pls take everything i say kinda with a grain of salt cuz idk his POV and even if i try to be fair im going to kinda favour myself so...

But ok so my parents work A LOT. like i see my dad like sometimes once every 3 days a lot. even tho we live in the same house. (i see my mom more cuz she wakes up early). And this week has been extra stressfull cuz theres been kind of a faire?? (idk how to spell it) and basicly everyday theres a new even they need to prep EVERYTHING for considering dietary needs cultural diferences (people from diferent coutries come) etc etc. So theive been really tired. My dad is coming home early cuz hes so exausted some days.

But basicly, this is stressing my mom sm she got kind of a thing on her neck and her face. The doctor dosent know what it is, since it wasent smt she recognised, but its all red and itchy. The doctor thinks its a mix of stress, alergies, maybe fungi (fungus? idk) and the meds shes taking becuz she got really sick last year.

So my mom went to get it checked yesterday while my dad went home early. So my dad told me and my brother that my mom was in the doctor (since she often comes home waay after my dad) and that we were gonna pick her up later. Ofc me and my brother said ok. So we were hanging out watching tv and my dad got the message that my mom was ready. So he told us and he went to leave. So me and my brother just went to grab our jackets and i went to grab my sketchbook too (long story but i subcouciously hu57 myself if i dont have it??? im trying to fix that) and my dad told us to just come and that he would leave without us. So we got kinda angry but went without our stuff.

Idk if it is important to the thing but it is winter here and kindacold. Also my i was wearing a jacketish but it was a pijama kinda comfort jacket i shouldent wear outside my house. But me and my brother were kinda joking like and playing cuz my dad was in a good mood and we were happy but my dad got super angry and he was like yelling at us for a WHILE and he said we always disrespect him and that we treat him like shit and were gonna kill someone becuz well crash the car and i ofc got stressed so my brother said "dont say anything" and my dad said me and my brother and my mom were ploting against him and that he hopes god gives us children that disrespect us 3times more then we do becuz he dosent deserve this and my brother was crying and it was so wierd??

I kinda thought he was like using us as a vsorta explosion thing cuz he was stressed from work but i talked to my mom today and she said he did nothing the whole week and she prepared everything alone?? She wasent even saying it angry she was just saying like im worried about ur dad and stuff so i dont think it was a lie and it seems like smt he would do.

I can see his point that my mom had a rough week and it would be nice for us to be quick but we literally took less then 5 minutes to leave and i dont think it would make much diference if me and my brother grabbed a jacket and a pen in my case (the sketchbook was by the door i leave it there)

Heyah! I hope everyone is doing well.

I am recently going to move into my cousin's mansion in April, but I wanted to talk about ideal homes. Totally a long-winded subject. I know for many people(not all) they want to have a larger home. But for me(personally)... I think a home that's on the somewhat smaller side would be more of what I'd want.

I'd want to have a single-level home(NO STAIRS!!!). 2 bedrooms(master and guest). 3 bathrooms(master, guest, and powder). 1 Smaller kitchen(I'm not much of a cook). A small living room. Ideally no dining room. And having a smart use of storage would be nice. Since I own a lot of collections(Sea shells, crystals, books, etc). I don't care about clothing space... since I don't own a lot of clothes. I'm more of a nick-nack person, rather than a clothing person. I'd ideally like a washer and dryer in my home, as I grew up new a laundry mat and now would want the convenience of a washer and dryer of my own. Vinyl or any type of hard flooring would be nice... I am so forking done with carpet !!! I've had cats and dogs in my old home... and they k*lled my carpet!!!

I like East Asian mixed with modern art deco for the theme of my ideal home. I know for a fact that I wouldn't want a basement or an attic cause I don't like the psychological sh*t that goes on in horror movies... so, basements and attics are off-limits.

I think the main thing that would probably eat away at my budget if I ever did get my own home is the fact that I am completely afraid of the dark... like... I can't sleep at all if there is even a dark shadow in the corner. So, I'd keep my lights on 24/7 in the entire house. I also usually wake up to have water or a cold glass of milk in the middle of the night, and walking in the dark gives me a fright! So, lights on 24/7!!!

And if anything, I don't mind forgoing the guest bedroom and guest bathroom, cause small also means less to clean.

Anyway... I'm kinda sleepy since I took some pain medications due to my car accident... I'll write more stories later when I have more energy.

Eat good food and drink lots of water guys!!!

(Also... to clarify... I know that what I described isn't a "small house"... but it's significantly smaller than my cousin's mansion... which is why I'm saying it's small). When I lived in Cali... my ideal home was actually a studio apartment with lots of cool fold-in, fold-out stuff, and hidden storage stuff. But being on both poor and rich sides now... I think a middle ground would feel nice.

hey y'all! I'm signing off for the summer! (we have to turn in our computers) so I will see you guys later!!!!!!! cant wait to tell more crazy stories!

Lately, it’s felt like something inside me is breaking in ways I can’t fully explain. Like the pieces of me don’t fit together the way they should. I’m trying so hard to hold everything together, with tape, string, whatever I can find, but it still feels like I’m unraveling no matter what I do. And the worst part is, I don’t even know who I’m supposed to be anymore. I feel lost. I can’t figure out who I am or where I belong, because I can’t even be myself in my own home.

I always feel like I’m walking on a tightrope, trying not to slip up, because one wrong step means I’m going to get yelled at. Especially by my mom. It’s like I live under a microscope, every little thing I do wrong is magnified, and she comes down on me so hard for it. But when my siblings make the same exact mistakes? It’s like she just turns her head and pretends it didn’t happen. Like they get grace and understanding, and I get anger and disappointment. It hurts more than I can say.

It makes me feel like I’m never going to be enough for her. No matter how hard I try, it’s like I’m always doing something wrong in her eyes. I start to wonder what’s wrong with me. Why I’m always the problem. Why I’m the one who gets treated like a burden. And when someone you’re supposed to feel safe with makes you feel like you’re always falling short, you start to believe it.

I don’t say any of this because I want pity. I just want someone to understand. I’m tired. Emotionally, mentally, I feel drained. Like I’m constantly carrying the weight of not being enough. Like I have to be perfect to avoid getting hurt, but perfection isn’t even possible. So I feel trapped. Stuck in this cycle where I try, fail, get yelled at, and then try even harder just to not get hurt again. I’m scared to mess up. Scared to even speak sometimes.

And the more I try to bottle it all up, the more it eats at me. I feel like I’m crumbling from the inside out. I want to feel like I matter. I want to stop second-guessing every little thing I do. I want to feel seen, and loved, and like I don’t have to constantly earn my place. But right now... I just feel broken. And I needed to say that. Even if it’s messy. Even if it’s hard. I just needed you to know how I really feel

Soo.. I'm gonna be on my last yeah of hs this year. And the pressure is high.

So growing up i've been getting average and sometimes higher than average grades. In my country although 75 is considered passing in special science schools 85 is the passing grade, with 90 being the average and therefore the grade every student sought after including myself.

90-93 has been my consistent grades throughout elementary, my mother didn't really push me to study because as she said I was smart enough that I only need to listen to the lesson and be good to go. And it worked at first.

Entering Highschool I didn't really have to learn to study because well it was online and I just searched up the answers. By 9th grade when we had our first face2face I barely got 90. It didn't serve as a wakeup call, nore did 10 grade when I graduated with 91%. At senior high, in the first semester midterms, they gave us the grades we got. i got 88%.

Still passing I know, but my parents, my mother especially, started this whole thing.

For context my sister is in college, tuition is barley covered and my dad works his own business that isn't getting much customers. Although my sister got a scholarship that gives her free tuition, the school was too far my sister would have to live with my grandma. Which made my dad worry about her health, i don't really get the reason.

So now it's my responsibility to get a good scholarship. My parents are ok with sending me to that same school they didn't want my sister to go to because 'I can handle myself'. But still since my 88% I've been pressured to get better grades. After a shit ton of studying I got 92%in my first sem grade. With my second sem being 96%, mostly with the help of joining a contest which the training lasted the whole first half of the second semester's midterm, then a big dance contest against other schools that got me pulled out of class and me and the other dancers got a grade no lesser than the previous. So because I got 96 in my previous I also got 96 if you got what I mean.

Anyways I understand why my parents are stressing over college, sending two daughters would not be possible with my dad's income. But I kinda blame my dad for not sending my sister there.

Idk, im already looking through scholarships on different school, started studying now too. But i also dont like that I'm reminded everyday that if I dont get a good scholarship one of us would not be able to go to college at all. Suddenly I want to go to school agshahahhahah