Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

so I've had like problems feeling happy or normal and stuff for like 3 years now, and I think I've finally figured out the root of why I feel like I cant let myself feel happy for too long. I have literally no problems, my parents are the sweetest people in the world, I'm avarge enough looking I shouldn't feel as self conscious as I do, and I have a fair amount of friends and I would definitely have more if I wasnt constantly too tired because just existing without feeling sad is exhausting. I put in probbaly about 80% of my energy just to make myself feel normal daily. my friends ALWAYS feel the need to stop by the bathroom between every clas period so every time i have to see myself compared to them and then hear them say "omg im so ugly" or "my hairs so flat today" and like i know they are allowed to like be self concious too or like just comment stuff about themselves but its so tiering. i cant walk properly in the hallways because i feel too tense and overthink how to walk wayy too much. i like compulsivly run my hands through my hair, espcially when im nervous, and ik it probably looks weird bc i do it so much but it stopped being about fixing my hair and now its like somthing i need to do otherwise i will get too tense or smthn it just feels horribly uncomfertable if i dont do it when i need to. so anyways I've noticed that whenever I wake up I'm in a certain mood and that will be my mood for the day almost no matter what. like it could be a pretty good day but if I wake up in a bad mood it might be ruined. like, its not even what other people do or what happening in my life, I have NO REASON to be sad enough to want to kill myself. now right now I don't want to but what's kinda weird is two days ago I was literally planning it, like my mood changes so fast. I have trouble planning things because I never know what mood I will be in, and so it ruins my productivity and I literally have to like wait for a feel good day because i litterally cannot concentrate on anything. i skip meals alot too, but never because i think im fat i know i dont have like anorexia or somthing like that but even if im like REALLY hungry and i have food that would not be that bad if i have to like get up to get it or ask for somthing, ill just choose to starve. like and other times ill have food and i just wont want to eat it. i feel like if i acc want to eat a decent meal i need to enjoy the food, and if im just eating because im hungry i wont eat. the problem is i just end up fasting till the end of the schoolday after eating nothing at all. like i will acc go an entire day with no food, and just eat dinner when i get home. idk if im just lazy or picky or somthing but my friends kinda commented on it and i was wondering if i should be like, worried about it? because i know running off of no food all day cant be good for you, but i feel like i have to like force myself to eat somtimes. i honestly kinda enjoy the feeling of being hungry at this point? like idk what that means but like i would prefer that to being full. another thing is i feel like even when i eat like a ton of food i never get full? like i feel hungrier after somtimes. i think that might be why i prefer to starve instead of eat and feel hungrier too ig. besides food, i will straight up ignor homeowork i know im gonna get in serious trouble for not doing, and that honestly seems kinda normal but i feel like alot of times i will just choose to suffer even if its a super easy fix to make myself feel better. so ive been wondering if maybe the reason i dont get better is because its not anything around me i need to fix, its because im constantly sabatoging myself. i was curious what you guys would think, becuase i honestly dont know where to go from here. im not like sad right now but my life is very reppetative and i know there are so many things i could do to make it better but i just dont. i really hope im not just lazy but if you think i am please give advice idk whats going on😭. so anyways thanks for reading this huge rant

I've been struggling with my mental health for a long time and despite this I've always tried to keep the most positive outlook I could, but recently I've felt as if that wasn't possible. I've always been weird and avoidant of people due to paranoia, anxiety, OCD, autism symptoms and emotional inconsistency which has made it difficult to maintain relationships. Suffice to say, I've gotten along with people to the point that I could show them an empty side of myself that didn't care whether he was hurt or not, but I feel like now that's the only part of me who can function with others. I like that part of me, and I feel like I'm okay as long as I trust him to take care of things, but I don't know how I'm supposed to live my own life.

I've always had a lot of things that I'd been passionate about but those things like drawing, watching anime, learning languages, learning history and pretty much everything except for math doesn't really have a place in my life anymore since I've started college. I can still enjoy my hobbies but I feel like as a 19 year old male, watching trashy shoujo anime and liking moe stuff is kinda weird. Having obsessions feels like something to be ashamed of as well and every time I get into something I feel like I'm always going to be stereotyped for it. Apart from that, my fascinations with dark things like gore and pain are obviously things I'll have to keep hidden. I've basically abandoned the notion of someone who'd be able to save me or be there for me because I know I just get too attached and mess things up in relationships like that.

I always had the notion that everyone else was in the wrong for making me feel like I had to hide, but now I think I'm at the point where I'm accepting that I don't belong anywhere. I don't want to change and I don't want to die but I can't live in society the way it is being the way I am. I used to want to change the world, but now I feel like someone like me, with all my issues would just make it worse.

Living like this, I feel like I'm slowly disappearing and like I'm giving in. In some ways it feels like losing the parts of myself that make me who I am is just a matter of course, it doesn't matter to me anymore because it's something I should have accepted a long time ago, but if I could I wish I didn't have to change to live.

I worked as a pharmacy technician from 2018 to 2025, and for the first couple of years, I had to navigate a pretty toxic environment with two older women, whom I’ll call Gloria and Haven. Gloria was notorious for her drinking problem, and the only reason she kept her job was because she was the ex-daughter-in-law of the owner. Haven, on the other hand, was dealing with hormonal issues, which made her quite difficult to work with. I tried to keep my head down during this chaotic time, especially with COVID hitting and our pharmacy getting hacked. Gloria's constant absences and messy personal life created a lot of tension, and while some wanted to support her, I felt it was unfair that she was expected to be the glue holding everything together. Eventually, she got fired in 2022, but by then, I had already been dealing with the stress of Haven's constant criticism. She often apologized for her behavior, but it still took a toll on my mental health. I remember one instance where I was trying to split an oblong pill, and no matter how I explained that it wouldn’t break evenly, she kept insisting I was doing it wrong. It was exhausting. I showed her my pills, and she reacted strongly, saying it was disgusting and questioning how I would feel if I had to take something that looked like that. Her loud and dramatic nature made me feel even worse, and when she demonstrated how to break the pills, it turned out to be the same method I was using. I was terrified, feeling like I could never do anything perfectly. Afterward, I decided to talk to my manager about quitting and possibly going back to school. He offered to handle the situation and said we’d discuss it later, but I left early that day, overwhelmed and in tears. I still haven't fully recovered from that experience. The woman who confronted me has since changed after getting her thyroid checked and even apologized, but the embarrassment stuck with me. Then there was Danny, another technician who, despite being a gay man, had a knack for making people uncomfortable. He often boasted about his sexual exploits in a room full of older women, which felt completely out of place. I tried to ignore him, but it became increasingly difficult to deal with his inappropriate comments.

He started off by playfully teasing people about their mustaches, which seemed cute at first, but quickly turned into a brutal and uncomfortable vibe. It was like he was trying to assert dominance in a really awkward way, making everyone around him feel uneasy. Thankfully, he eventually left, but not before taking frequent smoke breaks during busy hours, only to return insisting he needed to control everything. Now that he's gone, there's another technician, let's call her Linda, who's always complaining about not being able to sit down, despite it being a stand-up job. She’s in her fifties and constantly talks about her miserable life, including her abusive marriage, which she seems to think is her only option. I’ve tried to encourage her to consider a life without that relationship, especially since her kids are grown, but she seems too scared to be alone. Meanwhile, I ended up becoming the pharmacy technician supervisor, not because I wanted to, but because I was too much of a people pleaser to say no. It turned out to be a huge mistake; the added responsibility and constant issues made every day feel overwhelming. She kept playing with the same old stuff and constantly complained about wanting to retire. I already knew her backstory—her husband had been abusive, and she believed marriage was her only option for survival. I suggested that there’s a whole world out there beyond marriage and maybe she should consider leaving him since their kids were grown and he had no hold over her anymore. I sensed her fear of being alone, but I didn’t want to dig too deep into that. I was busy dealing with too many mentally ill people myself, just trying to get through my workday. Eventually, I became a pharmacy technician supervisor because I was a people pleaser and didn’t stand up for myself. They figured since I didn’t push back, they’d promote me and give me a raise, which turned out to be a huge mistake. I hated that role; it came with so much responsibility and endless problems, making every day feel like a repeat of the last. It was like living in a hellish version of Purgatory. Unlike the show "Severance," where the characters have a clear divide between their work and personal lives, my memories from work haunted me constantly. I despised my job and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Thankfully, I managed to find a work-from-home position in the worst job market imaginable, but I still carry the weight of my pharmacy experience with me every day. Since I started working from home, I've been grappling with some serious PTSD. I’m not full-time at my old job anymore, just working every sixth weekend, which isn’t too bad. However, my manager keeps piling on more facilities and sites for us to handle, and while my colleagues are managing, I’m overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. I’ve had chances to return to my old job or even explore new opportunities in pharmacy, but I feel like a shell of my former self and struggle to function in that environment. On the weekends I do work, I actually enjoy it; I loved the job and the pay, but the toxic atmosphere really took a toll on me. It’s wild to think that three people who made my work life miserable are gone now, yet I’m still haunted by the verbal abuse I endured. Gloria was outright racist, Haven was emotionally unstable, and Danny was just a miserable guy who thrived on making others unhappy. When I left, Danny expressed jealousy over my new job, but he’s not happy where he is now either. Looking back, I should have left that job much sooner. I spent six years there, always thinking I needed to quit, but the pay kept me stuck. Now that I’ve been working from home for four months, I’m grateful, but I still haven’t healed and instead find myself dealing with PTSD. Thanks for letting me vent; it helps a bit. I have a few friends to lean on and I’m in therapy, but I still can’t shake this feeling, so I appreciate the chance to share my thoughts with others.

He annoys me so badly, the very first day during orientation I went in late and the only spot open was beside him. He greeted me in an overly friendly way and it really weirded me out because I’ve always been under the impression that he didn’t like me. We were best friends in elementary school, but was so awful. He bullied me and would get our friends to target me to too, he said a lot of bad things about me, and he exposed me and other people to a lot of really bad things as kids which also makes being around him very uncomfortable. Then in high school we never spoke and we weren’t friends, and I remember that he talked about me behind my back. My best friend once told me that while speaking to her and a large group of people that he made fun of me for being autistic and for rocking back and forth and said he’d rather be friends with this one other weird girl who actually did bad things.

After that he kept going out of his way to talk to me and my friend and it was really weird. I decided to just ask him about it and I said “I feel like we’re not on good terms because you were saying bad things about me” then he told me that he hasn’t spoken about me in years and I told him that it was a bit ago, and that I just still feel weird about it. I told him what it was I heard and he asked me who he said it to, I told him a group and he asked who told me, but I told him I didn’t wanna say, it was cause he’s still friends with my friend though. He then apologized and told me that he didn’t remember saying that, but he’s sorry if he did, and that he doesn’t know if he was just having a bad day or what. He did keep apologizing, so it did seem like he meant it. After that he spoke to me a few more times, each was awful. In class we watched the frog in a pot video and the teacher asked us what it meant, first she asked him and he said something about being too stupid to know. Then she called on me and when I answered he just talked out in class about how smart I am, which I just found really weird and kind of embarrassing. Also once when my class was on break, a group of people went outside to smoke. I went to the side near the windows while the rest of my class was out the middle, then he came over to me and asked if I’m allergic people and points out how I’m standing by myself. He also points out how earlier that morning a teacher had offered me help and told me I look confused when I was just waiting outside a classroom. I say yeah, it was weird, then he says “she doesn’t know that’s just your face”.

There’s been other things too, but basically it’s just been stressful. At first I was trying to tolerate him in school so it wouldn’t be weird, but he’s a really hard person to be around, even though it’s brief

so I don't know what category to put it in or how to say this but its not a vent, I'm just confused and loss of words.

soo there's this guy (B) he's my bsf (N) brother. we dated before but I broke up with him months ago. now we are in a "talking"/"dating thing" idk its in between. anyhow we got each others number and we have been talking ALOT. yesterday afternoon we were talking and he asked me if I wanted to see a video he's been "making"/"made already" (yt video) I said sure and he sent a link to yt (I assumed it was anyway) but when I clicked on it...well... uhh.. it sent me to a p*_rn hub and I clicked out of it so fast and got traumatized. a minute later I thought maybe my phone was on something but no (I clicked on it diff times to see if I wasn't crazy but uhhh nawh it sent me to multiple different p*_rn hubs) I told him it wasn't a video to yt (acting chill abt it) but he said "oh" "did you watch it?" I said no, not to be weird. he eventually sent the right thing but I don't know what to do (its the next day) so do i confront him about it or just delete our convo and never speak to each other again?

SOS

idk if im gay or bi or straight or just confused. like i see this one boy in my school and he smile at me and my brain went all like fuzzy?? not like when i look at girls sometimes idk it just feel different. not better or worse just weird. i dont like hate myself or nothing but i feel like i wanna know what this is. i try look at girls the same way but it not same feeling even tho i still think they look pretty. my friends always talk about girls like oh she's hot or whatever and i laugh along but i feel kinda fake. like why i dont feel that strong? but then again maybe i do just not same time or same way. my brain go all confuse when i try think hard. i seen some gay stuff online too and some of it make me feel things, like not bad things just kinda like oh that’s nice, and i dont know if that mean something or if it just a normal thing like people curious. i read that some people just need time to figure and that you not gonna have all answers at once so maybe that’s me too;

i talk to my cousin once, he gay and he said it took him years to know. he said don’t rush and just feel what you feel, don’t push it away but don’t force nothing either. he nice and i trust him but still i scared to even say to friends or anything. they not bad people just always making jokes like calling stuff gay like it’s dumb or weak or something and that make me not wanna say stuff even if i maybe gay. i don’t feel ashamed or like i’m doing wrong but i also don’t wanna be laughed at or treated weird. i think about future too and if i wanna have a boyfriend or girlfriend and it feel like both could maybe happen?? but also neither maybe?? is that even a thing? like not choosing or just feeling okay with both and letting it go where it go. i wish school teach this stuff better instead of just making us read poems from old dead guys. we got feelings too and not everyone feel same and that okay. sometimes i just wanna talk and say all this out loud but my throat close up like i scared of my own voice.

i still don’t have answer. maybe i never will get a big moment where i’m like “oh now i know”. maybe it gonna be little stuff adding up and one day i’ll just feel okay with whatever i am. for now i think it's fine to wonder and not know for sure. maybe you reading this feel same and that okay too. i’m just trying my best to be honest with myself and not hate anything i feel. i wanna like who i like and be okay with that. life already hard enough without me hating my own heart. so i gonna keep thinking and living and hoping that things get clearer. and maybe one day i’ll smile at someone and they smile back and it just make sense. 😊

[Translated from Spanish. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

I feel terrified of going outside and being completely judged for it. I don’t like talking, I don’t like expressing myself. I don’t even feel capable of being with a girl. I don’t want to be with one. I feel like I’ve become a mess of ideas—so many ideas. Like I’m shedding layers of myself.

I feel like I’m not okay—but also that I am. I feel like I’ve been in a transformation process for a long time now. Like I’m moving toward my true self, peeling off old layers of experiences. I used to think I had matured, but really, I had just kept layering one cover over another. I don’t know how else to explain it.

It feels like I’ve been unfolding my form. This has been happening for quite some time. I think it’s because I finally feel whole in a new group. Yes, I feel like I belong—with a girl, specifically—and I love that feeling. It’s been going on for a while now, I repeat. She’s not physically present, but the way we are keeps the group alive. I don’t feel the need to be with anyone else. Being distant from her makes me feel her presence even more. I feel like I can be alone—but still in her company—and it’s truly amazing.

My parents didn’t understand this, but personally, I don’t care. The process is happening either way. These are the catharses I’m experiencing. I don’t feel like there’s anyone else out there waiting for me—and I don’t need them. I feel like my life is on track, and I can live the way I like. In this group, I feel that’s respected—and it’s fantastic. I’ve committed to pursuing a career, and I rely only on the approval of the principles this group shares.

Looking back, all that time I supposedly "got sick" or "went through somatic suffering"—I think I was really just trying to re-locate myself within this group and within the system that surrounds us. It’s like saying: I’m done with the old societal structure, with the weight of those layers. Here, in this group, we are free. Again, I don’t feel I need anyone else.

These catharses—what I say—are just to release things. I speak things about myself, but they’re temporary. It’s like I’m passing through them. I think I’m heading toward something, but I realize I only needed to shed that layer—to see that I never really wanted that thing. I don’t know, but I feel like this process I’m going through isn’t something many people experience—maybe no one. It’s about leaving behind all the groups you once belonged to. You feel like you belong to just one now, and all the others are just places you visit occasionally.

I feel like I’ve always been okay. I was never truly unwell. I just needed—without realizing it and even fooling myself—to reposition myself within society. Now I understand all the disappointment I’ve felt. I thought I wanted to be with a girl—and it turns out I don’t. Especially not one outside my group. I feel more distant from her. I don’t know what to do with those feelings I had for her. Whether she’s around or not makes no difference—same goes for her mother.

Life is happening. Nothing feels the same anymore. No one believed me—and I didn’t even need them to. I thought I had forgotten about this group. Maybe I did. But I now realize it was a version of it where she, the girl from my group, was someone who abandoned me and hurt me. And now she’s not. Being in this group makes her devoted and respectful—and I love that. Before, I felt like she was spiraling toward a nightmare that could’ve even ended her life—God forbid—with something as terrible as a knife. I hope I was wrong.

I don’t know what comes next for my life. I’ve never faced something like this. It’s all been about letting myself be carried by the current—and that’s it. Like I entered a kind of crisis only to come out the other side, finally shining. I don’t know if I wish things had been different. Probably not. I feel like I’m in a much better place now, where I’m allowed to bloom on my own terms. I didn’t feel that before. This group is about feelings, not about upholding painful old paradigms—a bitter photo album that, in my opinion, is always ugly.

It’s amazing how that other girl—the different one—has become almost a ghost to me. Hearing her mother’s distant voice, feeling how, as I got closer to them, they faded further away… it was indescribable. Psychologically, despite the distance, I feel closer to the girl in my group. And I think that’s the whole point. Because with her, I sense a real structure—something genuine. Not like in my family, where all they focused on was finding flaws. That was bitter through and through.

I feel like I’m in paradise—even though I’m still in the same house, in the same place. The people around me might be nearby physically, but they can’t really reach me. I’m a stranger to them now. Just like she, the girl in my group, is a stranger to her environment. In fact, she was already acting that way the last time I saw her in person. It’s clear now: her spirit was already with me—expressed in the way I feel so deeply supported by her.

I matched with a woman on Tinder, and we had a short-lived romance that spanned a few months. She confessed that I was her first Tinder outing following a lengthy hiatus from the dating scene. Our connection fell apart after she disclosed that she was seeing another guy on the side, which made me feel exploited.

Not long after, I started seeing another Tinder match who shared that this was also her first date in a long time following a traumatic breakup of her engagement. I was understanding about her past.

It seems that this narrative is recurrent for me. Perhaps my easy-going and well-put-together demeanor, combined with being fairly attractive and easygoing, makes me the ideal first-Tinder-date type. Normally, these dates transition smoothly from a match to meeting for drinks, but they often reveal a lack of real chemistry and we part ways. It's left me pondering if I'm merely a stepping stone, warming them up for "better" dates.

From the onset with the most recent woman, I indicated my interest in a serious relationship and tried repeatedly to understand her intentions across multiple dates. Her responses were elusive. Moreover, she jokingly mentioned exploiting my professional contacts for a job opportunity in our shared industry, which added to my concerns. Despite my tentative feelings, it ended when she phoned to break up with me, admitting she had developed emotional connections with someone else.

Having experienced several breakups, I'm usually quite resilient, but this time I was overwhelmed with emotion. I felt like I had been instrumental in helping her regain her trust in dating, only for her to transfer those newly revived emotions to another relationship.

Really, it’s like I was just there to prepare her for the next guy.

My feelings are hurt; it feels like I was used.

She thinks I’m being unrealistic.

Am I mistaken here?

If this all played out on a reality show, the cameras capturing every awkward date and emotional moment, I wonder how the audience would react. Would they see my genuine efforts and sympathize with my feeling used? Or perhaps they'd critique my inability to see the signs and cheer her on for finding a more suitable match? It's one thing to live through it privately, but having thousands watch and weigh in might be a whole other level of drama.

i am 31, a man, and i started this new job 2 months ago, and the pattern looks bad from every angle i can measure. the onboarding was fast, the handoff was sloppy, and the team dynamic felt closed before i even got my badge working right. in the first week i tried to stay in my lane, learn the workflow, read the sop notes, watch the qa checks, and not break prod, but somehow every move i made turned into a small social failure. when i ask a question in standup, people go quiet like i pushed the wrong button. when i post in the group chat, i get the kind of reply that is tecnically polite but cold, like a ticket response and not a human one. at lunch, chairs are full untill i come near, then somehow nobody is hungry anymore. i know how that sounds, and i know people on the internet will say maybe it is in my head, maybe i am projecting, maybe this is just normal ramp-up friction. but when the same thing happens every day, in every channel, across every shift handover, it stops feeling random and starts looking like a trend line. i try to audit my own behavior like i am doing root-cause analysis on a failed deploy. was my tone off. did i miss a cue. did i over-explain. did i under-communicate. did i come in too eager, too stiff, too slow, too exact, too visible. i keep replaying each interaction like log review at 2 a.m., searching for the error code nobody wants to name. one senior guy corrects me in front of everybody for tiny process stuff, even when the actual kpi impact is zero. another person rewrites what i say in meetings and then gets nods for the exact same point. my manager says “give it time,” which sounds reasonable on paper, but in practice it lands like a placeholder, not support. after work i sit in my car and feel the whole day still running in my chest, like a machine that wont power down. depression is not a dramatic word here, it is just the most accurate one. i am eating less, sleeping weird, waking up with dread, then doing the full routine anyway because rent is real and adults dont get to blue-screen in public. i shower, i clock in, i update my tasks, i smile when needed, i say “good morning,” and i watch it drop dead in the air. maybe some of you know this exact thing, when a place is not openly abusive, not clearly hostile in a reportable way, but the enviroment is still rejecting you in a hundred tiny packets. what do you even do when no single event is huge, but the aggregate load is crushing. how do you tell if everybody hates you, or if you just entered a culture with bad documentation and worse empathy. how do you keep your self-respect when the room acts like your presence is a defect ticket no one wants assigned 😕

from an outside view, the facts are simple. i am still new. i do not control the legacy culture. teams can get weird around change, especially when throughput is stressed, deadlines are close, and people protect their part of the pipeline like it is private property. a new guy shows up, asks basic questions, touches process, slows velocity for a minute, and some people read that as risk. that does not make it right, but it makes it less mystic. i have started seeing that not every cold reaction means actual hate. some of it is ego, some burnout, some bad comms hygiene, some plain old cliques. still, the emotional result on my side is the same, and i dont want to lie about that. i feel lost a lot. i feel reduced. i feel like i am becoming smaller every day just to fit inside a system that already decided my value before my probation period is even half done. but i am trying to be objective and not turn one hard season into a final verdict on my whole life. so i started doing little controls. i keep notes on deliverables so i can see what is real and what is just fear. i verify requirements before execution, document blockers, close loops, and keep my language clean and short. i ask one person at a time instead of the whole room, because people perform less when there is no audience. i focus on qa, handoff quality, response time, and the small places where trust can actually be built. i do not overshare. i do not beg to be liked. i just try to be consistent, because consistency is boring and boring is often what makes people relax. i also remind myself that 2 months is not a full data set, even if it feels endless when you are depressed. a bad sprint is not the whole project. a rough team fit is not proof that a man is broken. maybe the answer to “what to do when everyone hates you?” is not one big heroic move. maybe it is smaller and less cinematic. keep your structure. protect your mind. talk to one safe person, even if it is awkward. update your resume quietly, not as defeat, but as capacity planning. keep learning the stack. keep your dignity off the floor. let time expose who is just guarded and who is truly cruel. and if this place never warms up, then maybe the hopeful thing is not forcing belonging where there is none, but understanding that another team, another manager, another floor, another job can still exist. i dont think i am doomed, even on the days i feel totaly unwanted. i think i am in a bad system, in a hard chapter, and chapters end. so i am asking you, honestly, what would you do here, and how would you keep your head clear without turning bitter. because i want to come out of this tired, maybe, but still decent, still standing, and still open to the idea that not everyone will hate me forever.

I am a single mother of two kids (6 months and 5 years). I chose to be a single mother (my kids are donor conceived).

I’m lucky enough to have a good job as a French teacher in a private school, and I have a paid-off house thanks to my parents' life insurance and inheritance.

Before having my kids, I saved a year’s worth of living expenses so I could take a sabbatical to recover from birth and bond with them. While on sabbatical, I still tutor some kids for extra income.

My friend (34F) just had a baby 2 months ago. She is the breadwinner in her household, and her husband has been unemployed since he was laid off during COVID.

It was great to be pregnant at the same time as my friend and have someone with a newborn, but things have turned sour.

She’s been saying how jealous she is of me being able to take a whole year off work, how she wishes she didn’t have to worry about losing their home, and how she doesn’t even have a couple hundred dollars in savings, let alone a year’s worth of living expenses.

I usually ignore it or brush it off because I kind of understand the stress she’s under.

About 10 days ago, she started hinting that she can’t afford daycare, and any mention of her husband taking care of their kid is brushed off. She then started remarking on how much free time I must have, which I deflected by saying truthfully that being a single mom to a baby and a small kid leaves me no free time.

Last night, she finally asked if I could “do her a favor” and watch her kid while she’s at work. I was firm but polite when I said that I couldn’t; I am not capable of watching two kids under 6 months.

She started almost begging me, saying she can’t afford daycare and if she doesn’t go back to work, she’ll lose her job and they’ll end up homeless. I brought up her husband again, and she said he wasn’t good with kids and isn’t capable of taking care of their kid.

I kept saying no, she kept pushing until it escalated to her calling me heartless, and me telling her that it’s not my problem she chose to have a kid with a useless man.

Now she’s blocked me, and I feel very guilty about what I said. I feel like shit.

If this situation happened on a reality show, I wonder how the audience would react. Would they think I was being too harsh, or would they understand my point of view? Would my friend be seen as sympathetic, or would people criticize her for her choices and the position she’s put herself in?

Getting the news that I had cancer felt like a punch in the gut. When the oncologist said those words, it was as if the world paused, and all I could hear was the incessant ringing in my ears. It's funny how moments like that can be so isolating, yet so communal at the same time.🎗️ Everyone knows someone who's battled this beast, yet it's always different when it's you. That feeling of being adrift in a sea of medical jargon—metastasis, chemotherapy, targeted therapy—it's overwhelming. But damn, I never pictured myself in this fight, not at this point in life. But here I am, and I guess the only way is forward; I've got to keep swinging.

Cancer treatment is a whirlwind. One moment you're being scanned head-to-toe, the tech using words like "tumor markers" and "biopsy results," and the next, you're sitting in a too-bright room with fluorescent lights buzzing overhead, getting a rundown of your treatment plan. It's like they're plotting a military operation in your own body. They, of course, mean the well-meaning medical team—the oncologists, nurses, and specialists who keep telling me I need to stay strong. Sometimes, I think to myself, "Am I supposed to be grateful or terrified?" Because right now, I'm exhausted from these pep talks and motivational quotes. Doctors might have all the knowledge in the world, but they don't know what it feels like to sit on the other side of that desk, huh?

Yeah, I get it. Positivity is the mantra. But there are days when I freaking want to scream. I want to tell someone to take their platitudes and shove them. It's not easy managing the side effects of chemo—those surprise bouts of nausea that hit like a wave, the fatigue that feels like a weight is dragging me down. It's like my body is betraying me while we're supposed to be on the same team. Every day, I pop pills with names longer than a CVS receipt, timing them between sparse meals because my appetite is like a see-saw. And let's not forget the ongoing battle with insurance—pre-authorizations and phone calls that feel like a test of endurance.

Still, I've met warriors on this path who are nothing short of inspiring. There's Jane, who lost her hair but came to every session with a smile that could light up a room. She once told me, "This is just a detour, not the end of the road." Then there's Mark, who's in remission, and he swears by his mantra, "Hope is a weapon." These interactions are grounding—they remind me that I'm not alone, even if my journey is uniquely mine. The community is a powerful thing, and sometimes a simple “how are you feeling today?” can mean more than all the medical advice combined. Have you ever experienced that magic of connection that turns strangers into comrades?

In all this chaos, there's a weird, subdued calm that settles in knowing you're doing all you can. Despite the odds and the stats that doctors rattle off, I tell myself to keep fighting; it's both a command and a plea. If life is a series of battles, this is just another one, albeit a brutal one. But it surfaces a profound question—why fight at all? Do we fight to win or out of a sheer refusal to give in? So, while I may have days when every step feels heavy, I'll endure. Not just because I'm told it's the right thing to do, but because it’s who I am—a fighter, a survivor, maybe even a champion someday. So, to anyone else staring down this path, let's keep swinging, together...

This one will be short.

In preschool... They say it gets better in elementary school.

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It doesn't😑.

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In elementary school... They say it gets better in middle school/junior high.

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It doesn't😑.

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In middle school/junior high... They say it gets better in high school.

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It doesn't😑.

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In high school... They say it gets better in community college.

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It doesn't😑.

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In community college... They say it gets better at University.

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It doesn't😑.

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They say it gets better once you start working after college.

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I honestly don't know if it does... But if my track record is the same... Then...

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It doesn't😑.

But that could just be me... I'm happy and jealous of all those who are successful in the school and career lives!! Hats off to ya! A round of applause! Wolf whistle in the back!

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I sad🥲.

I have been friends with jemma for a very long time, or at least over 2 years. This past summer she invited me to join her at her church's sleepaway summer camp, which was around 5 days long. I agreed, thinking that it would be a great bonding experience and a way to get closer to God. Some context, I new only 3 other people going, none of which I was friends with.

We get on the bus to go to the camp and not even an hour into the bus ride I am sitting alone, jemma decided to hang out with a group of kids in a circle a little ways behind me. I only knew 1 guy out of all of these kids, lets call him caleb. He noticed that jemma had been kinda excluding me and called her out on it and invited/demanded me to join us in the circle, this was really nice of him, he even introduced me and made sure I was participating in the conversation. But jemma still wouldn't talk to me, she instead was completely focus on hanging out with some people she only met an hour ago, she's very extroverted and charistmatic, which works wayyyy in her advantage.

We get to the camp and jemma convinces me to bunk not in our assigned room, but with 7 other girls in a different room. The next day she ends up telling me that her and one of the girls are going to move into abbigale's room. They had been planning this allllll day, and only told me right before they finished packing up their stuff. She asked if i wanted to move rooms to, and because I literally knew nobody else there, of course i said yes. It didn't end up mattering anyways because the church leaders caught everybody switching rooms and made us move back to our original rooms.

Later that same day we went to the chappel, for our evening service. Our church plays a lot of music, and we all like to sing along infront of the stage. The thing is that jemma would walk away from me with these other girls, so i would be left alone the majority of the time. After the service jemma and this girl sophie, who was actually really nice, convinced me to walk around with caleb and this guy jemma liked. caleb and this other guy went back to their cabins to grab hoodies for us, cuz it was raining and we didn't want our hair getting all soaked, sweet right? Yeah, until you remember there are 2 guys and 3 girls.

I'm pretty sure you can quess how that turned out....

So I ended up getting soaked as we all walked around the campgrounds, which was basically a bunch of cabins in the middle of a secluded forest, at night. Eventually me and sophie get separated from everybody else, cuz we were talking to caleb's step-mom who was a volunteer there. The entire time we were walking around the camp, about an hour, they were all walking in a line next to each other. And guess where i was. Behind all of them. The guy jemma liked noticed i was kind of excluded and maybe i looked down so he asked if i was okay, and you know what jemma said, yeah, shes just quiet....

WHAT! THE! HECK!

Anyways me and sophie make it back to the hotel the girls were staying at and we were told that we needed to move back to our original rooms, my stuff was already packed up so i moved to my original room immediatly. Jemma still wasn't back, and we had a curfew, that she definetely didn't follow. She never ended up coming to our original room, instead she moved to the room with abbigale, with the girl she said was also moving with her. She somehow convinced the leader to not only let her move, but also let the other girl. Apparently there wasn't enough room left in the room for me, also apparently the girl you met not even 2 days ago takes priority over the girl you have known for 2 years....

Basically she brushed me off the next day and as the week goes on i hang out with other people, because every time i hung out with jemma i was excluded, which was something i was used to. She would exclude me allllll the time when we would hang out before this. But this was too far. Then she got mad at me for not hanging out with her, and hanging out with people who didn't exclude me. Like be sooooooo for real. I even invited her to hang out with me and my new friends on the last day because i knew she was really mad at me, which was completely uneccessary on my part, and she then told me that she was just planning on napping during the free time....instead she got an entire makeover with fake lashes and cornrows....which was an interesting choice because both me and her are WHITE white, but i can't really have an opinion on that.

The worst part was that at the end of camp the people in the room the me and jemma had moved into the first night found jemma's hoodie (we have matching ones) on the bathroom floor, and they almost had to throw it out because she didn't come to pick it up until right before we had to leave.

I end up sitting with sophie on the ride home and we had a good time. But when we got to the church and i saw my parent's she acted like we had soooo much fun together at camp and hugged me and told me she loved me and was going to miss me, but it was only because we were right in front of my parents....

I tried contacting her a little after camp to talk things through and instead of apologizing she blamed it on her feeling "off" the entire time we were at camp and tried to flip it around to me having more fun with another one of my friends than i do with her, which honestly came out of nowhere. I end up informing all of my friends about this and a week or 2 into the new school year we all decide we are going to distance ourselves from her.

Well 2 months later and they are all joking around with her, inviting her to their parties, and telling her everything i told them in confidence.

Yesterday i found out from my sister that jemma was telling people that i was "following her around like a dog" at camp.

Woooooowwwwwww

way to blame the victim....anywayssss. I told all of my friends this today and guess what, nobody cared. They all still hung out with her after school, made jokes with her, and probably even told her what i said to them. I love my friends but the thing is that jemma introduced me to these friends, so i can't expect them to not be friends with her any more. She can be really manipulative, like she has done realllyyyy bad things to these friends too but they just tolerate it.

I have this one friend ash, and she supports me wholeheartedly with the jemma thing, but she is also really mean at the same time. Like when i tried to vent to her about the new thing with jemma she just brushed me off and proceeded to tell me that she "is always secretly judging me", she can also get really defensive, for instance one day i asked if she could refrain from teasing me that day because i was feeling really down. Later that day i hear that she was telling me friends that when i "snapped at her the morning it ruined her entire day".

She also tends to make fun of the clothing i wear and my physical appearance, and whenever i say ANYTHING she just tells me "oh my gosh that sounded so fake", like gurl i was just saying goodbye to my neighboor, what are you talking about. but it makes me really self concious. I just feel like friends should lift you up, not drag you down.

This one was realllly long, so sorry for that, but if you ended up reading all of this thank you! I've just been feeling really insecure in my friendships recently, so if any of you guys have tips on how to navigate this, with jemma, or my friends, or with ash, that would be amazing!

Wrongfully accused and now wrongfully convicted and for what? I cheated on my then spouse, found myself in this whirl wind bad boy wrong side of the tracks lustfilled adventure only to wake up and find myZelf swept up in this unimaginable legal battle that I have lost. The judge bore down with that gavel and instantly my whole life came to a hault. One month. I've got one month left. One month left to be a daughter one month left to be a friend one month left to be my kids mother and I can't stand this anymore. The stress the anxiety the worry what will happen to my kids what will happen to my aging mother what will happen to me? I can't believe this is happening. One bad choice one wrong mistake my whole life gone . I want to scream I want to cry I want to die.

It takes a village. You need to work on building your village. I feel I have but many times it’s confirmed my village is not very robust or even existent. It’s heartbreaking. People are nice enough for awhile but then don’t (or “can’t”) show up when you really need it. What am I missing? What am I doing wrong?