Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I don’t know why, but everything I do is wrong for some reason. If i unintentionally do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, move wrong, I get yelled at.

Only a few days ago, I had a few things lying around. I didn’t have to time to clean yet, I’ve been busy with school and work. Ofcourse, I got hit. It doesn’t hurt but it’s scary. Everytime I hear them yelling, I’m scared that they’ll come up to me and hit me, even if I did nothing wrong. I just can’t help but freeze or even flinch when they raise their hand at me yet they still wonder why I refuse to hug them anymore, like to be near anyone or for others to be in my space.

I often prefer to be at school rather than at home. I dread going home, I like it at school. I’ve recently gotten a really good review on my behavior. They told me I was an outstanding student. I liked it. My parents don’t ever tell me that because im not good enough to them and i know it.

Sometimes, i wonder if the reason why i hate personal touch within my family is something that I struggle with mentally, but don’t know about yet. I’m just really conflicted. I honestly can’t wait for the day I turn eighteen. Only a year to go. I really want to move out as soon as I can.

I am not a good person. At all. That's all i can't think about. I can't move i can't do anything all i can't think about Is that i ruined so much for so many people. I can't stop imagining just how much better things would be If i wasn't here. I ruin everything no matter how much i try. Everytime i mess up and ruin everything for everybody. I'm too scared to get out of this bathroom, i'm too scared of everything that Is going to happen. Everything Is so overwhelming. There's so much work and so many tests. I don't have the capabilities for this. I can't make It. I don't even know how i made It here. Three years ago i had promised myself it would be different. I promised myself that these years would be different, that this school would be different, that i would be different. And i tried i really tryed to keep that promise but i failed. I fell back into the same spiral. I broke my promise. I dissapointed everyone including myself. My grades a crashing. Everyone hates me. And i'm ruining the relationship ship i had with the one friend i had after i gave my all to be friend her for two years and a half. Right now i Just want to stay in this bathroom and stare at wall. And just never get out. I Just want to hide. Dissapear. It would be better for everyone If i wasn't here.

so I'm in a trio with 2 of my close friends

most people say it wont work but for like a year its been working quiet well untill tga went on holidays and came back

because me and Barney have gotten closer and are now a duo and we are kinda leaving her out

but its going into winter and we wnat to go indoors where as she wants to stay outdoors at lunches so we go inside with out her so idk I feel like I'm gonna lose them both cause Barney is talking about moving schools so idk relay anymore

I also believe I don't deserve them and are a bad friend even tho both of them say how gold I am but I feel like idk its just like I don't belong

So for almost a year now I have had the hugest crushes on one of my straight (girl) friends. Now obviously, I am unable to control who I have feelings for, but it just won't go away and I'm exhausted. She doesn't know. Also, it's insanely hard living daily life (I see her every day) and trying to act normal. Not to mention love has been in the air or something lately because all of these people around me have been getting together and it's making my feelings so. much. worse. I never knew how intensely lonely I could feel until half of my friends, my sister, and all these other people had newly developing relationships while I am stuck in the trenches. I keep overthinking every interaction we have, looking for signs that aren't there, and never will be there. I have this gut feeling (probably just hope and bias) that maybe if I wait just a little longer, something might happen. I have no idea what to do because I know I'll get rejected and telling her will probably just make things awkward. My feelings have just grown so big and I constantly feel lonely and sad and tired. I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this. But even then, what would I do? (Maybe not reality TV, but some sort of side character plot line in a coming of age movie perhaps. Let me know what you think I guess.)

Thanks for reading?

- A little lesbian :)

So it's summer and the past few school year i have been really burnt out. I got very little sleep, I could barely get out bed i was often overwhelmed and stressed out and i didn't know what to do. There are so many things I want to do this summer with the base line of wanting to improve myself and get out of burnt out. But i didn't really know how to do that. Still don't tbh. So i tried to put some good habits in my routine (waking up naturaly, no screens untill after breakfast, going to bed at around 23 or so, having breakfast outside. And in the last few days i tried to slowly add a few more like reaching my step count and reading just a few pages before bed. And a i tried 'studying' the pages i've read (highlighting and making notes mostly) just cause, no real big reason just cause i found It interessing and i wanted to. And to be fair, It felt good. I felt really good. But today, i didn't do anything in particular. And i woke up at 5 am feeling restless and anxious and like i couldn't breathe. It's currently June the 24th, 6 am, i can't sleep anymore, i feel like i can't breathe tight, everything feels upsetting and too much even going back to sleep Is too hard, but i don't know what to do about It. It just feels so horrible because I felt like this, this tired, this stuck, this horrible and anxious for years now. During and outside school time. And i was getting excited because I thought that It was finally over that this was finally It and that I was finally making progress but i am not. I'm still waking up like this and crying in the middle of the night and i this feel just as bad and i Just feel so stupid because i don't know what Is wrong with me.

Heyah👋🏻😄!!

This dang app doesn't have a movie or TV option... So I clicked on the next best thing outta the options given✨👀.

Maybe I could've picked a medical option, but then the vibes of Apothecary Diaries wouldn't have come across... At least to me it wouldn't🫠.

Anyway... I want more seasons to come out but why do animes in general, usually stop at the 2nd season, or rarely stop at the 3😭!! There are so many anime's that I love, but they're just taking breaks for 10+ years, or discontinuing them🥲!!

I wanna see MaoMao enjoy her poisonous pufferfish, and all her shenanigans that she gets up to😂!!

Is Jinshi gonna spill the beans ever😱!! And no... I don't mean those beans😏🫘!! But seriously🥴!!

And why the fork did MaoMao call Jinish's male appendage a frog🐸!?!? That area looks nothing like a frog🤣!!!

And will we see if Jinshi and his mother gets together as mother and son🥹🙏🏻✨!? Is the book series completed and where to get the series if it is completed📚😍!?!?

Also does anyone wonder why Jinshi likes MaoMao's glare😠🐛!?

MaoMao with cat ears is so cute😻!! MaoMao in Mandarin is "Cat"... Right? I'm not sure🙃. But I think that's what it means? Cause when I was at a Hearts Alive Cat Café, an East Asian couple came in and kept calling all the cats "MaoMao"... So, I sorta figured that MaoMao meant cat😺. It's also funny cause MaoMao(the anime character) doesn't really find cats appealing😹!! Yet she embodies a cat quite well🤣!! My favorite character outta everyone is Lady Giokio(I'm aware I miss-spelled her name... Sorry🙇🏻‍♀️). The pink haired concubine🩷!!

In a relationship that seems perfect from the outside, it's funny how there can be an undercurrent of secrets just beneath the surface. My boyfriend, Jake, is everything I thought I'd ever wanted: charming, funny, and incredibly attentive. He knows how to make me laugh, how to listen when I need to vent, and he seems to genuinely care about my feelings. But there’s a layer of my life that he knows nothing about, and I question whether I should ever reveal it to him. Have you ever felt trapped by your own secrets, teetering on the edge of wanting to share but terrified of the fallout?

For the past year, I’ve been living with a burden that’s becoming increasingly heavy. Before I met Jake, I had a different life filled with reckless choices and a wild side that is almost entirely hidden from him. When I think about those times, I can't help but feel a twinge of embarrassment. I was carefree but also naïve, often putting myself in precarious situations that could have gone horribly wrong. It was the kind of life that seemed exciting at the time but ultimately lacked substance. As I delve into this side of myself, I realize how juxtaposed it is with the woman I’ve become since being with him. Would he still love me if he discovered what I had done, or would he see me in a completely different light, one that I can’t control?

The catalysts for my decision to hide this side of me were many. My past includes nights out that ended in chaos, relationships that were toxic, and moments where I put myself at risk, all in the name of fun and adventure. But I want to be seen as a responsible adult, someone who has their life on track. I carefully crafted a narrative to present to Jake; one where I’m a woman who’s made some mistakes but has learned from them, rather than a wild child who danced on the edge of danger. I often wonder if I'm betraying his trust by not being transparent about my history. Is holding back information simply an act of self-preservation, or is it a deceitful act in itself?

Moreover, I often find myself questioning the future we might have together. Will this secret haunt me, or at some point, will I feel compelled to share the truth? When we talk about our dreams and plans for the future, I can see us building a life together filled with happiness and love. But will I always carry the fear of him finding out on my shoulders? Would his perspective on ‘us’ change if he knew the entirety of my past? I can't help but to think: how would you respond if you found out your partner had a side they kept hidden? Would you view them through a lens of judgment or understanding, or would it make you question their integrity?

The thing is, I love Jake and appreciate the stability he brings to my life, but the shadows of my past loom over me, whispering that I am not the person he thinks I am. There’s a nagging sense of hypocrisy in presenting myself as someone who’s grown past that old life when parts of me still feel that urge for freedom and recklessness. Still, I choose to remain silent, at least for now. The thought of losing him terrifies me more than my own memories. Yet I am left wondering: is it fair to keep this piece of myself hidden, or is a relationship built on half-truths worth having at all?

I fucking hate my life, myself, the people in my life (besides one), the people not in my life anymore.

I feel so bad; this depression is killing me.

It already fucking killed me from the inside.

I feel rotten from the inside,

like i have this parasite in me that just kills my sense of time,

my ability to feel anything.

I just wanna feel. Feel happy, cared for.

I don’t wanna hurt, or be hurt.

I don’t wanna be wronged, left.

I don’t wanna be rotten,

scared of people seeing through the lies and driven away from me.

I hope i just dont wake up tomorrow,

no one text me,

so how will they know if i am alive or not?

They dont care if there is blood running through my veins,

oxygen through my blood,

if my heart is pounding.

No one fucking care in the end.

And the end? I’ve fucking reached it.

Im so done. I feel depressed,

so i reach out to people in the hope for just.. love, comfort, non-judgement.

And what do i get? ‘Space to heal’.

That you can’t heal the soul you didn’t break, doesn’t mean you can just fucking leave?

I literally told you i wasn’t your responsibility, and you take it as a yes for just ghosting me?

I never asked you to fix me,

i just long to be held. You abandoning me,

in the time i need you the most,

cuts deeper than the blade i use to just fucking feel something.

If, in the darkest time in the night,

my body just aches to hurt, bleed, harm.

Am i just supposed to give in?

Does it make you feel better that i have a possibility of bleeding out,

just because u can’t handle, change me?

That i feel unable to open up to you?

That i spend my time writing this?

Because only my fucking notes app listenings?that you are the reason i shed a tear?

Are unable to sleep?

Get bad grades from stress?

Look, i don’t blame you for my pain,

i blame you for ignoring it.

Do you feel better, now you left?

Because i ‘only text you to vent’?

Maybe i do,

BECAUSE YOU NEVER.FUCKING.TEXT.ME.

Do you want me to fucking beg you for a text? Is it that hard,

to just stick around when i need you?

I don’t want your pity, help, advice.

I know i shouldn’t cut myself,

i am aware that food is a live essential.

Do you think I’m that fucking stupid?

Do you see me as retarded?

You fucking do, don’t you?

Well i can’t ask you,

BECAUSE YOU WON’T FUCKING RESPONSE. Didn’t you say you care? Love me? Is this love? Leaving in hard times? Were it all just lies?

I really believed you.

When i told you i love you,

I did with every inch of me.

Why does everyone in the end leave?

Am i that fucking unlovable?

Or did they just got scared away,

by my rotten inside?

Oh well, can’t blame them.

And now you wonder why i don’t talk to you?

If i end up dead,

you’re one of my fucking 13 reasons,

and i hope it haunts you for eternity.

I hope your fucking soul is still lost,

wandering in the dark depths or the universe if you lay in your grave as your corpse rots away in the ground.

Actually, no, i don’t. I still love you.

I still care about you, how your day was,

how you slept, what’s going on in your head, your silence battles.

Even when i am drowning and youre just complaining about too much CO2 in your unlimited oxygen,

i’d still give you some of my air.

See..! It’s.not.that.fucking.hard.

What do you need to just understand it?

Do i need to buy you glasses?

Or will my suicide note be the thing you finally read, and don’t ghost?

Fuck, i am such a fool, ain’t i?

Since the Dogecoin boom of 2020, my father, who is in his mid-sixties, has developed a profound enthusiasm for cryptocurrencies. Throughout this journey, he has also managed to get me somewhat invested in the idea, convincing me to sporadically purchase various digital coins.

Initially, I wasn't fully sold on the concept of cryptocurrencies, certainly not to the extent of his belief that prudent investments could someday lead us to immense wealth. But I maintained an open mind, thinking there’s no harm in trying since I had some spare cash back when I was living at home.

However, nine months after moving out, my interest in cryptocurrencies has waned significantly. I’ve come to view them more as a form of gambling than a serious investment. In fact, I've secretly liquidated all my crypto holdings.

Despite my dwindling enthusiasm, my dad remains passionately onboard with the crypto hype. He spends his days absorbing advice from cryptocurrency experts on YouTube, has compiled detailed lists of which coins to buy, and rigorously tracks their performance. During a recent phone call, he mentioned that he wanted to use our next visit to guide me through the process of buying a new coin he discovered.

I responded somewhat dismissively, indicating my desire to step back from cryptocurrency investing. This was after several months of evasively answering his inquiries about whether I had invested in any new digital coins and brief, skeptical discussions on the subject with him and my brother. He questioned my abrupt decision, emphasizing the need for a rational reason to quit. I deflected, suggesting we change the subject.

When I eventually visited, the topic resurfaced as he pressed me to invest in the new coin. I firmly declined, explaining that I viewed cryptocurrency as mere gambling and preferred not to invest further. He was puzzled by my stance and probed for explanations, but I resisted, asserting my lack of interest in continuing the discussion.

This reaction seemed to upset him, particularly my refusal to engage further in the conversation, which he later described as rude during a follow-up call. He expressed disappointment over my abrupt shutdown of the topic, urging me to reconsider my approach to such discussions.

Additionally, imagining if this scenario unfolded in a reality show setting, the dynamics could be quite interesting. Reality TV thrives on conflict and emotional exchanges; therefore, the discussions and disagreements between us could be exaggerated or spotlighted for dramatic effect. It would be intriguing to see how audiences react to such a personal and financially charged debate, potentially siding with either my practical disinterest or my dad’s persistent enthusiasm.

Was it wrong for me to shut down the crypto talk with my dad?

What do you think about "social media detox"?

It's good?

It's bad?

I'm happy and stable but I think that I need to focus on more important things than spending time on social media

I’ve signed up for a laundry service at our college where I shell out a single payment at the beginning of the semester, and they handle my laundry throughout the year. It's a hit among students here, and they collect the laundry right from our dorm rooms every week.

My friend, Julie, can't seem to wrap her head around this concept and constantly brings it up. Every time she visits and spots my laundry bag ready to go, she has something to say about it.

"Why would anyone pay for this service?" she often scoffs, to which my response always is, "Why would I bother doing something myself when I can easily pay someone else to do it?"

I suspect she throws these kinds of comments around often, which might shed some light on why she isn't exactly Ms. Popular. It feels like most people I know are signed up for this service. Her continual jabs are honestly starting to affect how much I enjoy her company.

Recently, she blurted out yet another gem: "What a waste of money. The laundry service fees are exorbitant, and no one can really afford it." I couldn't help but retort that I didn’t find it pricey, suggesting that maybe it seemed costly to her simply because she's not as well-off. I'm not strapped for cash, so I’m sticking with the service.

She was really offended when I pointed out her financial status, even though, let's face it, she isn’t rolling in dough. Was it wrong of me to state that? But then again, she is, objectively speaking. Am I wrong for just stating the obvious?

Imagine if this whole confrontation took place on a reality TV show. The viewers would probably be divided. Some might praise me for standing up for myself against constant negativity, while others might critique me for what could be seen as a flaunting of privilege or lack of empathy towards different financial situations. Reality shows thrive on conflict and this scenario would definitely stir the pot, sparking debates on social etiquette and the tactfulness of discussing personal finances in friendships.

It's been two years since I lost my wife, Lily, in a tragic accident caused by a drunk driver. The pain of losing her has fragmented my life into pieces I'm still struggling to put together. My family, however, seems to remain oblivious to the depth of my grief. In fact, they never entirely embraced my marriage to Lily from the start.

In our family, there’s a tradition concerning a cherished necklace that is handed down to women upon marriage. It’s been in our family for many generations, and when Lily and I married, my grandmother entrusted it to me. This gesture was deeply meaningful as it symbolized some level of acceptance of my marriage to Lily. However, since Lily's death, my sister Emma, who always seemed to be the favored one, has set her sights on this necklace. She’s getting married soon and casually mentioned that since I am "no longer married," it should now be her turn to have it.

A recent family dinner escalated these tensions. During discussions about her upcoming wedding, Emma jokingly suggested that I should date one of her fiancé’s friends, adding insensitively that at least Lily wouldn’t be around to ‘haunt’ me. I was stunned into silence. Afterward, I expressed how hurt I was, and Emma dismissed my feelings, accusing me of being overly sensitive and urging me to "lighten up." She even suggested I entertain a fling with one of her bridesmaids who had shown interest in me during my marriage, completely disregarding my ongoing grief.

I stated plainly that I couldn’t attend her wedding if she persisted in diminishing Lily's memory and my grief. This led to a severe argument where Emma labeled me as "dramatic" and accused me of trying to ruin her wedding over a "small joke." My parents sided with her, reiterating that I should attend the wedding to support Emma and that the necklace should go to her as I was not "using it" anymore.

Since that evening, I've received unrelenting calls and messages from my parents, Emma, and her fiancé Luke, all painting me as selfish and stuck in the past. Luke even implied that I should be thankful the family has accepted me at all, given that I am gay—a remark that hints at their barely veiled tolerance rather than acceptance.

Am I really being unreasonable by considering not attending the wedding? I feel torn between standing up for my late wife's dignity and my grief, or just conforming to keep peace within the family. Sometimes I wonder how all this would be perceived if it were part of a reality show. Would spectators at home understand my pain, or would they too be swayed by the drama and the pressure of societal norms that often dictates moving on quickly from grief?

Sorry for any typos – it's tough to keep it together and typing this out after a few drinks to dull the pain of not just Lily’s absence but the rift within my family. Should I relent to keep the peace, or stand firm in honoring my late wife and my feelings? What would others do?

My fiancée, Emily, and I have been deep in wedding planning, eyeing a modest celebration towards the end of the year. It's to be an intimate affair with just around 30 guests, at a close family friend’s estate. We've taken a DIY approach to most aspects, from handmade decorations to digital invitations, all the way to buying our wedding cake from a wholesale outlet to stay within budget.

In contrast, we decided to splurge on a luxurious honeymoon as our big expense. Given this, I trusted Emily to manage the wedding dress purchase within the agreed financial limits.

I was taken aback when I learned that Emily had spent a staggering $10,000 on her gown—a dress she’ll wear just once. She justified it by saying it was the gown of her dreams and mentioned she’d agreed to what she felt was a "less glamorous" wedding at my insistence, an issue she had never raised before. While she believes she can cover the cost of the dress herself, it’s clear that our joint finances can’t take this hit without affecting other plans—specifically our elaborate honeymoon.

Realizing the gravity of our financial strain, I made the tough call to cancel the honeymoon. We had booked through a travel agency with insurance, losing only $250 each as cancellation fees—an amount that would have skyrocketed had we delayed our decision any further.

Emily’s reaction to the honeymoon cancellation was fierce; she accused me of making unilateral decisions and threatened to go alone. This dispute has since blown up with her family and friends criticising me heavily, whereas my own circle supports my actions. Amidst this turmoil, I can’t help but question: Am I in the wrong here?

Given she was unyieldingly firm about her overspend on the dress, and refused to discuss alternatives, it felt like we had no other options left. We originally planned to put the honeymoon expenses on our credit card for reward points, but spending $10,000 literally drained Emily’s savings, leaving inadequate funds and pushing us towards living off our monthly earnings with looming credit card bills.

Anticipating additional costs from the wedding only compounds our financial pressures. The strain of potentially accruitting debt from the honeymoon doesn't just vanish with our impending nuptials—it's a looming stress over our newlywed lives.

If our story were showcased on reality TV, how would the audience perceive it? Given the divisive opinions among our friends and family, the viewers might be equally split. Some might empathize with my rationale to secure financial stability, while others could argue that the emotional significance of a dream dress and a honeymoon shouldn’t be overlooked, viewing my decision as harsh.

A couple of years ago, a girl from the US came to my town in Europe over the summer to maintain her double citizenship to my country. I met her through our sport as she trained at my club during that summer to stay fit. She's a couple of years older than me, but we became quite good friends, and even after she went home to the US we stayed in touch and dreamed of visiting each other again - mostly of me visiting her in the US.

Anyways, she has now been doing her sport at a college in the US, and has sent me a kind of open invitation to come visit her and follow her busy student-athlete lifestyle for a week. I have a school holiday coming up in about a month and I've promised her to come visit for a week then. I can stay with her in her dorm and eat in her dining hall, so I would "only" have to pay for the plane tickets, but even that is a big expense for me.

Tickets to and from the US would cost me something like 1/6th of my savings (but they aren't that big, so maybe that sounds worse than it is), and even though I have access to a dining hall etc. I'll still have to buy some food and such when I'm there. My dad might pay for half of the ticket, but it would still be a very expensive trip, and even though I've already promised my US friend that I'll come, I can't quite get over how expensive it'll be for me.

I'm annoyed and frustrated over this specific situation, but it's not so much this one that bugs me as it is my family's finances in general. We (my mother, sister and I #divorcedparents) are constantly broke, and I honestly don't always get why or how it happens. My mom makes enough money that we should be doing fine in day-to-day life, including when somebody needs a new pair of shoes or whatever once a year, but every time we have to make a "bigger" purchase (e.g. a pair of shoes, a big grocery haul) she grimaces and is clearly uncomfortable with the amount of money we're spending. I barely speak to my dad because I can't do so without him trauma dumping and venting about exclusively his own problems to me, but I know he's at least as broke as my mom/us so even though he's promised to pay half of my ticket, I don't trust that he will or that it will be within the foreseeable future.

I know I can't really get mad at my parents for being somewhat poor, especially when I know my mom is ashamed of it when she has to borrow money from my sister and me or when she can't buy us everything we want. I feel like I can actually be angry at my dad because the main reason he's poor is because he's a lazy piece of shit and never has a job for more than 6 months at a time because then it "gets too boring" for him. I'm just tired of always being more broke than my friends and never knowing how it is we're wasting our money, and I can never go on a shopping spree or something like this trip that's coming up because I feel so guilty for spending money.

I've also thought of getting a job so I can start making my own money, but I don't know how I would ever find the time to it. I go to high school and train 1-2 times everyday except for sunday which is my designated homework day, so I genuinely don't have the time to also have a job. I'm literally spending some of my homework time on writing this, but I'm just so frustrated right now and I don't have anyone to vent to in real life.

I'm a horrible friend. I say stuff I don't mean, and it's usually hurtful or something. And I hate myself for it. All my friends (except one) have stopped talking to me, I've vented about it on here before, but now I understand why. I'm a mean, horrible person. No wonder they all hate me. I try to be myself but the person I truly am is a jerk. Maybe if I'm someone else they'll like me again. I constantly feel the need to change myself for them, so maybe that's what actually needs to happen. Maybe I do need to change. Maybe if I make the right changes, they'll talk to me again. Maybe if I'm interested in the same things as them, if I talk the way they do, if I act like them, if I think like them, if i have the same sense of humour as them, they'll be friends with me again. Because I know they'll never love who I really am. They'll never accept me for the asshole I am inside. I need to be more like them.