Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

In our early thirties, with a solid seven years of marriage behind us, my life took an unexpected and tragic turn when my husband George suddenly passed away a few months back. Coping with his death has been the most challenging period of my life. In those first numbing weeks, I could barely function. Thankfully, George’s mother was right there to support. She took care of all funeral costs, a gesture for which I was immensely grateful, considering I was in no state to manage anything.

Only recently, I recalled that George had a modest life insurance policy set up through my workplace. I had completely forgotten about it amidst all the grief. After processing the claim, the payout wasn't vast, but it was sufficient to cover my moving expenses back to my hometown and perhaps even a down payment on a small house where I could start anew.

However, the atmosphere changed once my mother-in-law discovered I received this insurance money. She became very upset and demanded that I reimburse her for the funeral expenses, accusing me of taking advantage of her son's death. Her words were not only harsh but deeply wounding; she went as far as to label me as selfish and suggested I was profiting from our loss. At that time, I wasn’t even aware of the insurance policy. Now, as I struggle with my grief, her accusations of me being heartless only increase my pain.

I understand she is grieving too, but attacking me doesn't seem fair. I am merely trying to find a way to heal and begin life anew, something I believe is essential. Given all this, wouldn't paying her back seem like I’m just trying to appease her anger? Right now, I'm at my limit and need to focus on rebuilding my own life.

What if this whole ordeal was under the relentless scrutiny of a reality show? Considering how they thrive on conflict and emotional outpourings, the portrayal of our disagreements could potentially paint me in a terrible light or, conversely, rally support for someone trying to heal from such a substantial personal loss. The public's reaction could vary drastically—some might sympathize with my situation, while others might side with my mother-in-law, viewing my actions through a lens skewed by dramatic narratives.

I’m expectant, albeit somewhat anxious, about the reactions and perhaps criticism that might come my way from sharing this.

I wonder, if I refuse to pay her back, am I being unreasonable?

man, i woke up this morning and I just definitively don't feel good.... i'm 28 for crying out loud, you'd think I'd have my shit together by now. i'm not even sure what's wrong, like, there's nothing specifically happening to cause this funk. is this just adulthood, or am i missing something crucial? seriously, how do other people keep it together so seamlessly while I'm over here struggling to get out of bed most days?

all week i've been stuck in a vicious cycle; i'm tired, but can't sleep; i'm hungry, but can't eat; and don't even get me started on working. sometimes i think to myself, "is there something bigger at play here?" maybe there's some universal energy or something screwing with me. you know that old quote, "sometimes we need a little darkness to see the stars"? it's kind of comforting, but what if it's total BS? like, aren't there stars in the daytime too? 🤔

so my attempts to remedy this have been textbook: i've tried meditating but the silence only made me more anxious. hit the gym, thinking some exercise would help; instead, I felt more exhausted than ever. someone suggested "retail therapy"—what a load of crap. spending all that money I don't even have just stressed me out more. basically, i've run out of options, and I’m starting to think my only salvation might be an alien abduction or something equally drastic. maybe a fresh start on a different planet might do the trick.

despite all this, i'm trying to stay hopeful. i mean, people always say "this too shall pass," right? but what they don't tell you is how slow the passing can be. life does suck sometimes but I guess that's part of "the journey". and if life throws me any more curveballs, I’ll just swing for the fences or whatever—because what’s the alternative? sulking in misery? nah, not my style. i'm clinging to any shred of optimism left like a lifeline—because seriously, what else can one do?

so here I am, spilling my guts online like that’s gonna fix anything. but maybe, just maybe, someone out there can relate or offer a piece of advice that's not straight out of a self-help book. have you faced similar BS and come out on the other side? don't hold out on me, share the secret—what's the meaning of life, or at least the key to feeling like a functional human being again?

I'm now 35 weeks into my pregnancy and have been staying at home, waiting for my maternity leave to start. My partner, on the other hand, continues to work and usually gets home around 4:30 PM. By that time, I'm just beginning to prepare dinner, usually ready by about 5:30 to 6 PM.

This routine has been quite standard since I stopped going to work. When he arrives, he often mentions he's hungry because he hasn't had much to eat all day, sometimes only a small snack or nothing at all. I've suggested packing lunches for him, often with leftovers, but he constantly refuses, claiming he isn't much of an eater. Before we lived together, he would generally order something for himself, but now he waits for the dinner I prepare.

However, today was different. He came home and asked if I could have dinner ready by the time he walks in the door, so he doesn't have to wait for me to cook. I explained that it's too early to have dinner fully prepared at that time and that he’s the only one who's really hungry then. We also have a 4-year-old, and serving her dinner so early just doesn't work.

He responded by saying that he discussed it with his colleagues at work, who claimed their spouses always have dinner ready when they arrive home. He expressed how frustrated he was about always having to wait sometimes an hour to eat. I told him it wasn’t my obligation to fix his eating schedule throughout the day and that he would need to rely on snacks because I wasn't planning on cooking dinner any earlier.

This made him quite defensive, and he tried to make me feel as though I was in the wrong. But I genuinely believe I haven't done anything wrong. It’s just not feasible to change the entire household routine to accommodate his unusual eating habits, especially when I’m this far along in my pregnancy and also taking care of our young child.

I can't help but imagine how this conversation would play out if we were on a reality show. Viewers would probably be split, with some sympathizing with his hunger after a long day's work, while others might argue that with a baby on the way and a young child already in the home, it’s unreasonable for him to expect meals to revolve solely around his schedule. Reality show audiences love drama, so this conflict could likely turn into a major plot point with people passionately defending both sides.

I. I miss you and i really want you back but i know it will take time. We gave ourselves 3 chances and we broke them all, Today i talked to you, i typed as if i was angry, you showed sorrow and wonder of the reason why, But i shouldn't of been rude. The first time we met i was so angry at you without even knowing it. This time it was on purpose. and many other times too. I might seem sick of you, and not able to chat with you for a split second. But in all honesty i yearn for your love and for you to hold me tight in your arms. i yearn for you to call me "my sweet girl" one last time. And even though I'm writing this out of sadness i'm just happy that i even met you. The day we first starting talking ive loved you ever since. I cant get rid of you. You are now attached to my life. Even after all the arguments, the bullying, the vents, the suicide attempts, the love, i still care and i always will so therefor you will always and Forever be apart of me. I love you Iaroslav.I really do.

ok so like i don’t wanna sound mean or ungrateful or whatever, but my boyfriend is sooo clingy and i honestly don’t kno what to do about it anymore. like at first i thought it was cute, you kno? he’d always text me good morning and good night, always want to talk and tell me how much he likes me and stuff. and yeah, that felt nice at the beginning, cuz i never really had someone like pay that much attention to me before. but now it’s like... too much. like way too much. he wants to talk all the time, like literally 24/7. if i don’t answer his text in like 10 mins he starts asking if i’m mad or if something’s wrong or if i’m "losing feelings" 😩. like no dude, i was just doing homework or eating dinner with my fam, calm down!! i can’t even breathe without him needing some kind of reassurance, and it’s starting to really bug me.

it’s not just the texting either. he always wants to be with me at school too, like during lunch or between classes and even when i’m just tryna hang out with my other friends, he’s there. always right there. and i feel bad saying this but like... sometimes i just wanna chill with my girls without him clinged to me like glue 😭. one time i told him i needed a lil space to just hang with my friends and he got all quiet and moody for the rest of the day, like i did something wrong. like i’m not even allowed to have time without him or something. it’s starting to feel like i’m in this relationship with a puppy who cries the second you leave the room. i know that sounds harsh but fr that’s how it feels sometimes. nd the more i try to pull back a little, the more he pushes in closer.

what really gets me is that i don’t even think he means to be like this. like i know he likes me a lot, and that’s sweet and all, but it’s like he doesn’t understand that people need space too. like, being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to be glued together 24 hours a day. i wanna miss him sometimes. i wanna have space to think, to breathe, to still be my own person. but every time i try to explain that to him, he acts like i’m breaking up with him or something. and i’m not! i don’t even want to break up. i just want him to chill out a bit. it’s just getting so hard to enjoy anything when i feel like i’m constantly babysitting his feelings. like, i can’t even say “i’m busy” without a whole dramatic convo about whether or not i still care about him. bro, it’s not that deep, i just got math homework 😭.

i really don’t know what to do at this point. i don’t wanna hurt him cuz he’s honestly such a sweet guy and i know he means well, but this clingy stuff is really driving me nuts. i feel like if i keep letting it slide, i’m gonna start really resentin him, and that’s not fair to either of us. but if i bring it up again, i’m scared he’s just gonna shut down like always and make me feel bad again. i’m only 16 and already feel like i’m stuck in this adult relationship with all this pressure, when it’s supposed to be fun and cute, right? i just wish he could trust that i care about him even if we don’t talk 24/7. idk maybe i’m the bad one here for wanting space, maybe i’m just not ready for this kinda thing. but i really hope he can back off a little without it turning into some huge thing, cuz if not… i’m not sure how much longer i can keep doing this.

Growing up, my twin sister Emily and I have always shared a deep bond. Recently, however, that bond was put to the test due to her relationship choices. About a year ago, Emily began dating a guy named Ryan. I never had a good impression of him, though Emily seemed completely enamored, even mentioning marriage. This past summer, while I was shopping, a confrontation at the grocery store left me stunned. A woman approached me, mistaking me for Emily, and accused me of dating her ex and sending her hateful messages. She claimed that Ryan, the father of her three children, had abandoned them. Before I could correct her identity mix-up, she showed me messages that Emily had sent her. I couldn't believe Emily would become involved with someone so irresponsible.

When I confronted my sister, she initially denied it, but eventually she admitted that she had hidden the truth. Emily knew that I disapprove of men who shirk their paternal responsibilities, and she didn't want my judgment. That revelation strained our relationship, making me see her in a different light.

The situation escalated when Emily invited me over to announce her pregnancy with Ryan. I couldn’t hide my displeasure, especially towards Ryan. When he asked what my issue with him was, I openly called him a deadbeat. Following this, as I was leaving, Emily confronted me in tears, pleading for my support during her pregnancy. Despite my anger, I told her I'd try to be present for her, but I warned her that she might regret her decisions.

Now, Emily has texted me, demanding that I apologize to both her and Ryan. She's even threatened to cut ties with me if I refuse. This leaves me wondering, am I really in the wrong here?

If this rift between us played out on a reality show, cameras documenting every emotional outburst and terse exchange, I can only imagine the public's reaction would be divided. Some might side with Emily, viewing her pursuit of love and happiness as justifiable, regardless of Ryan’s past. Others might applaud my stance, resonating with my disapproval of Ryan’s negligence towards his existing responsibilities. The mix of family drama, moral dilemmas, and personal convictions would undoubtedly captivate an audience, adding layers of complexity to each viewer's perception based on their personal values and experiences.

Should I apologize to keep peace in the family?

I've been in a relationship for several years now.

At the start, everything felt loving, and the honeymoon phase was wonderful. My partner was always very vocal about how much they cared for me, and each day I woke up feeling hopeful and excited about what we would do next. Trips to the park, to the movies. Anywhere was a delight, as long as they were with me.

Still, we both had our flaws. Mine, I felt, were detrimental to the relationship.

I decided to seek therapy to work on myself.

Recently, both of us have been going through difficult patches in our lives. Although I tried not to burden them, I eventually allowed myself to lean on them for support. They lashed out in response. I didn’t know what was going on in their life because they hadn’t shared it with me. Once they told me they were hurting, I realized their harsh words came from a place of pain. While it wasn’t okay for them to take it out on me, I understood that something in their life must be very wrong for them to react that way.

I wanted to sit down with them and have an open conversation about it, but it’s been difficult. Every day, my partner curses at me, makes me feel like I need to progress faster in therapy, and shuts down the conversation before I get a chance to speak. They still refuse to admit they've done anything hurtful, let alone wrong. I want to be here for them, but I don't know if I can keep being their emotional punching bag. I’ve been waking up in tears every day, and now I’m genuinely scared to be around them.

I keep hoping that today will be the day they hear the sharpness in their words while they speak, take a step back, and apologize for how they've been treating me. But it hasn't happened yet.

There are moments in life when one feels the overwhelming urge to let tears flow, but inexplicably, the tears refuse to come. This paradox is driving me to madness. Why is it that when I most need the release and comfort of tears, they betray me? It feels as though my entire being is locked in a struggle between an intense yearning for emotional catharsis and an unyielding stoicism. “They say crying cleanses the soul,” I once read in a novel; right now, that sentiment feels out of reach. It's a bitter irony—wanting to cry to ease the aching heart, yet remaining stoic as a statue.

The complexities of human emotions are intensely baffling. One moment, you feel utterly alone in a sea of people; the next, you're surrounded by warmth and love; yet, the tears are stubbornly elusive. Have you ever been in a situation where your emotions are all tangled up, but they refuse to unravel, leaving you trapped in an internal quagmire? It's like when you have an itch you can't scratch—aggravating in its persistence. There is some twisted frustration in needing an emotional outlet that remains tantalizingly out of reach. Isn't it funny how emotions have a mind of their own?

There was a time in college when I experienced a similar emotional gridlock. I remember walking down the bustling hallways, my mind a whirlwind of stress and anxiety, yet nothing on the outside showed it. My friend, noticing my pensive demeanor, quoted Shakespeare: "Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'erfraught heart and bids it break." If only it were that easy! But how does one articulate sorrow when the words won’t form? I wonder if everyone experiences these bouts of emotional constipation, or is it just me?

This brings me to ponder whether societal pressures contribute to our emotional suppression. We're so conditioned to put on a brave face, to maintain a facade of composed demeanor, and to carry on as though nothing is amiss. This is perhaps why our emotional outlets sometimes become blocked; we forget how to feel openly, caught in a web of expectations and obligations. It is a bewildering conundrum—being so in tune with one's emotions, yet utterly adrift; does anyone else feel this duality?

In conclusion, the inability to cry when one needs to the most is both a mystery and a torment. There's clearly no manual on how to navigate the intricacies of human emotions flawlessly. Each of us is an intricate tapestry of thoughts, feelings, and experiences, with crying being just one expression of our complex emotional spectrum. The dissonance between needing and being unable to cry might just be nature's way of reminding us of our vulnerability and humanity. Perhaps in time, I'll understand the purpose behind this emotional stalemate; perhaps not. Until then, I am left to ponder these musings and continue the awkward dance with my wayward emotions. Are emotions truly our ally or our nemesis?

Last night, we had a family reunion and I was already kind of in a bad mood since my had taken a nap bc of a hang over she still have from last night (she's a bit of an alchoholic) and overslept which caused us to be late to the dinner. once we reached the place we sat down and she started getting a little drunk agaiin thanks to the alchohol served, she started saying things (as she does when she's drunk) about me; like this waiter who looked a little older than me an make a living while i'm over here always cooped up in my room all the time(huh i wonder why); she also made some unnecessary comments about my dress (i asked her for help prior to the diner but she told me she didn't know and waved me off), i get that this was drunk talk and i shouldn't take it seriously but when it comes from someone who conributed in creating you it kinda hurts a little y'know? and then she started comparing to my cousins(average parent protocol atp)

and then it was time for a family group photo. I don't like to take photos that often so i tend to just scoot to the very edge of the group, and unfortunatley i was next ot her. She grabbed my waist which kinda scared me and i shved her away and then she started pulling me harder andlike digging her nails and screaming at me and i just got really stressed out. she would usually like swing an arm around me and all duirng group ohotos but never grab me which was whwy i kinda reacted that way. I know that i should'nt have acted out (especially in public like that) but i ws just really stressed at the time.

and after that she wasn't done with me yet and continuedscreaming at me saying that "i'm you're mother i should be allowed to touch you" and i told her that she grabbed me and it hurt a lot and she kept on denying that (keep in mind she's still drunk) and then this continues (by then i havd already put my earphones in so i could't here much of her slander) and even after the reunion she's still fighting with me. she gets up all ino my face which pissed me off (by thenim tired and just want he to shut up becasue she's etremely drunk by now).

and she's still fighting with me untilwe get into the car, my dad leaves us for us to settle down while he go finds the other family members to help them find their car and she starts hitting me, and my little brother is caught in between and i just wanted to pull him outta there because he was clearly stressed from the noise and trying to settle it down and my mom was grabbing him and isolating him from me it really hurt. she slapped me and made me hit my head a lot but at that point i was kinda numb for physical pain. i gave my little brother my earphones so he would have something to at least dronw out the noise.

and the things that when we were fighting i would say smt like "why do you hit me so much?" and she would say "you hate me! you don't love me!", and when i was rrying to explain she was making me uncomfortable whenn she grabbed me and i dont know what kinda mental gymnastics did she have to do to get from that to "i'm a danger to you!" "cal the police and arrest me!" "I'm a horrible mother!" "you're not a part of this family if i'm dangerous to you!"

i apologised for acting out in public when i probably shoulve' just sucked it up as she said and what not since everytime we take a rgoup photo she slings her arm around me (thats probably th eonly time we touchaso yeah that probably just gave me a headachre worse than when she shoved me into the car window. the way she grabbed my brother probably hurt the most tbh, i vowed to myself that i'd protect him and keep him safe from my parents but i just made things os much worse for him. and even after when my dad came bac did she stop saying anything, but once we got back she only continued. she strated hitting me more and screaming and repeating everything and she tore down the rack filled of things i genuinely care about. by then my dad came up and told her to stop and brought her away. i huddled up in the corner i think and started idk, becoming two people, i needed to clean up the mess she made but i also just wanted to sit there and rest, but i cleaned anyways while my parents fought outside. i heard something along the lines of "just go to sleep" (it was 2am) and that was it for then. after i finished cleaning my mom came back and started to scream at me again and getting me up agaiinst the wall and blocking my way when i was trying to do things, she pulled the "im a terrible mother" card and shoved her phone in my face trying ot get me to cal the police, it made me sick tbh, i apolohised again for the same thing just in case she forgot but also asked for my own since she kinda did hit me and onvade my personal space but she just huffed and she went back to her room (this actually made her look kinda like a kid which was a little unsettling per say)

and in the next 15 minutes she came back again to contonue screaming. she kept on grabbing and clawwing at my shoulder and wasit and generally just taunting me to "call the police" as she kept on saying. it honesty just gavenme the headache.

i know that during all that i was being as calm as i could possibly, letting her scream at me and what not. i was prettys sure she was drunk so i started making light of the sitautions like singing random meme audious or just making my own jokes to myself like if she was sticking her finger into my face i would go "wait, they dont loveme like i love you" (keep in mind it was 3am at that point and i cant say i was thinking straight either)

and eventually it got so bad because she wouldn't let me walk or have my own personal spcae (that i really like) that i went down, with my laptop to study for a test i have where my dad was watching tv thinking my mom wqas asleep. he asked me why i was still awake and coming down and at that point i just kinda broke down, and he went up and told her to stop repeated and harrasing me and all that. i couldn't sleep but i didn't feel like thinking at all, i just wanted to lay on the floor and breathe. my parents were fighting till maybe 4? im not toos ure sincei put on my headphones so silence it out. so yeah thats pretty much it but theres a few things that i wanna say about this:

- wheneve i tried to say something she would interrupt or she wouldn't take a single thing i said to consideration and pull out her own version of what i said and reply to that instead (probably bc of the alchohol)

- she would follow me around and grab me and taunt me and putting her face/finger/phone in my face which i think has just given me major claustrophobia

- she pulled the "i fought with your dad for you to go to a good school" card a lot but whenever it was just me or my dad, he woul always make sure i had the things i needed for school and always wanted to know i was happy or not, she's been pulling this card since i was idk, 5? and now that i think about it, someone who was againts giivng me a good education wouldn't want to further contribute to that no? she also said that she had to fight for me to have my own room which was also weird, idk who to trust anymore because it's not llike i can jyst ask my dad. but if she's lying then i think that she probabl had some delirious dream that was so vivid she belived it was true or maybe my dad actually didn't want me to have a good education but that would be really weird, but then again maybe he still doesn't believe in it but has no choice since he's already given in.

someone please tell me if this is normal and that i'm just being dramatic and that my teenager hormones are acting up

Okay, so my life is literally a mess

I’ve got three different guys giving me mixed signals, and I genuinely don’t know what to do with myself. Volley, my boy best friend, used to sit ridiculously close to me when he was dating my friend—like, shoulder-to-shoulder, legs touching, even though there was plenty of space. But now that they broke up, we don’t talk, we just stare at each other, and when I react with a “what?” (while looking disgusted), he smirks and chuckles EVERY SINGLE TIME. LIKE WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! 😩 And to make things more confusing, Headphones and Volley had a moment where Headphones called me “Volley's girlfriend,” and Volley just stared at him and said nothing. NOTHING. Then, when I confronted him about it later, he suddenly acted like it was annoying and brushed it off like it was nothing. I CAN’T TELL WHAT HE’S THINKING AT ALL. And to make things worse, we literally can’t talk because his friends know about our situation, and I can’t find an excuse to interact with him. So now we just make eye contact and suffer.

Then there’s Headphones. Ohhh, Headphones. He literally jaywalked to walk with me to a boba place, we share food, and we talk during 2nd and 3rd period. BUT HE ONLY EVER RANTS ABOUT CHLOE. And I know Chloe doesn’t like him because she likes someone else, but he’s still hopelessly attached to her. And to make it even more painful, Chloe told him to confess to her on April 1st, which could either be the worst prank in history or just a terrible coincidence. And the whole time, I’m just sitting here liking him while listening to him talk about another girl. Yay, fun! 🙃 Oh, and he also sits in front of me in Science and constantly looks back at me, but when we lock eyes, he panics and looks forward immediately. And if that wasn’t enough, he sits with me at my lab table with my friends right next to Manager, so now both of them are always around me at the same time.

Speaking of Manager, THIS BOY IS THE MOST PLAYFUL, FLIRTATIOUS, AND CONFUSING THING EVER. Out of all my friends, he ONLY tells me pick-up lines and pokes my stomach, and it’s always some corny, flirty nonsense. AND HE SAT ON MY LAP IN THE LIBRARY??? After making my friend sit on the floor?? Meanwhile, Volley was just sitting behind us at a table staring and looking mad and jealous like he was about to throw hands. Like sir, please explain why you’re upset when we don’t even talk. 😭

But Manager is also friends with a girl I have beef with, AND Bella L (one of the most popular girls in school) still likes him, even though he doesn’t like her back. So that’s another layer of mess I have to deal with. And despite all this, I want to get closer to him because he’s fun, but I also want to get closer to Headphones because our connection is deeper, BUT ALSO I WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON WITH VOLLEY. Why is my life a love triangle—but with four people?! 😭

And the worst part? I can’t even choose between Manager and Headphones because they both have things I want in a guy, just split into two different people.Manager has the touchy, playful, flirty energy I love, but Headphones has the deeper, emotional connection that I also love. WHY CAN’T THEY JUST MERGE INTO ONE PERSON??

So now I’m just sitting here, confused, overthinking every eye contact moment, and waiting for the April 1st disaster to happen. 🎭✨

LIFE. IS. TOO. MUCH.😭😭😭

To provide some context, my parents went through a tumultuous divorce and currently, they do not communicate at all. I have my own family now—married with young kids—and we live in a house that's quite a distance from my father's residence. After his remarriage, which I did not attend, relations have been strained.

The occasion in question was my young son’s birthday. To my surprise, he wanted a full-fledged party even though he just turned three. Perhaps I was naive not to expect this; I quickly put together a guest list which included my son's friends and my mother, given her proximity and ability to attend at short notice. The celebration was delightful, and my son was thrilled. I shared some moments from the party on social media.

Then came a startling message from my dad. I’d rather not reproduce the message here, but it conveyed his frustration about not being invited to familial gatherings, my absence at his wedding, and his feeling that my mom has turned me against him. He warned of unspecified 'consequences' if this continued.

Confused, especially since I had just seen him at a family gathering on his side the previous month, I explained the impracticality of having him and my mom together, given the likely conflict. I suggested meeting up on another day so he could spend some time with my son. Regarding his wedding, I shared my discomfort about attending, stressing it wasn’t personal. His mention of 'consequences' did not sit well with me—I’m financially independent and, honestly, the idea of any material loss doesn't faze me much. Being excluded from his will or inheriting debts seemed the least of my worries.

Despite my efforts to explain, the conversation looped back to his grievances. I feel caught between maintaining peace and the desire for him to have a relationship with his grandchildren.

Adding to this, if our scenario played out on a reality show, I imagine the dramatic music ramping up as tensions unfold, with close-ups on tense faces. Viewers might be split—some empathizing with the need to keep family peace, others frustrated at my dad’s lack of understanding. Comments would probably flood in about family dynamics and managing elder relationships in modern settings.

I’m grappling with the idea of whether to limit our interactions as my siblings have chosen to do. It’s a tough call when you hope your children can know their grandfather, but not at the cost of constant family tension.

How would the public react to a reality show episode featuring this family conflict?

At 22 years old, my connections to my father's family have been incredibly sparse. My father has been gone for some time, and during his life, we barely mingled with his relatives, maintaining only the most minimal digital contacts via Facebook. Unlike some families that are constantly in touch, neither my father nor his family made significant gestures to bridge the gap between us.

My father’s death struck when I was just entering my teens. By that time, I had already moved countries to live with my mom, and we were mired in financial instability. His passing was abrupt, and we couldn't afford to travel back for his funeral. During that period, I was left out of any funeral discussions, not invited to contribute in any memorials, and the silence from my father’s siblings was deafening—they didn’t even notify me directly about the arrangements.

What stung the most during that time was the utter lack of support from my father’s side. Despite knowing our financial plight, no one reached out or offered any assistance. It felt like they just carried on, dealing with their grief while ignoring ours. It was as if they barely acknowledged my existence or the financial turmoil his death threw us into.

Fast forward seven years, out of nowhere, I start receiving calls from these relatives. Apparently, there's a piece of land from my grandmother that requires my signature on some legal documents. With each follow-up call, they began to lay thicker layers of affection and offers of support—sudden declarations of love and proposals to send money or visit. I replied as cordially as possible to avoid conflict, but my frustration boiled over when one relative dared mention my father's funeral, reopening old wounds.

In response, I vented my feelings through a Facebook post, expressing my disgust and rebuking their belated expressions of love. The notion that I should reciprocate their feelings seems absurd—it's hard to love those who've been essentially strangers, bonded only by blood.

Reflecting on my outburst, I’m left questioning whether my harsh words were undue, especially towards relatives now in their twilight years. Perhaps they do see echoes of my father in me, but that doesn’t automatically obligate emotional allegiance from my side.

If this scenario had unfolded on a reality TV show, the spectacle would likely ignite a flurry of public commentary and speculation. Viewers would probably be split, some empathizing with my feelings of abandonment and betrayal, while others might criticize the harshness directed towards older family members. Reality shows thrive on emotional drama, and this confrontation has all the ingredients of a high-tension moment that could spark widespread discussion about family dynamics and personal pain.

Was my response to my estranged relatives justified?

Just a heads-up if the timeline or anything doesn’t really make sense, I am sorry but my memory of all the events isn´t all that accurate since the memories are from young age and filled with trauma.

I come from a broken and toxic family. Abusive father that left us when I was about 10 years old who kept manipulating and mentally destroying me for another year or so with sentences like "do you even like me and see me as your daddy" (which he told to me when he was leaving us and I was about 10 years old). Leaving me with mental struggles from a young age. From the memories I have of him when he was still with us, he didn´t participate in parenting in any other way than „I hear something is not right so I´ll go there and beat them “. Let´s say I was lucky because he wasn´t beating me since I was too young (about 5 or 6 at that time). Not the same fate had my mother and brother which is older by 4 years. Before he left us, he basically made my mother to quit her job to „stay with the kids “since he was earning enough and was paying for the mortgage of our house and after he left, he stopped paying for it fully. Which left my mother with 2 children, without a job and a house to pay for which she couldn´t afford. She ended up selling the house under-priced so we could move into an apartment but before that happened, we were staying at different family members for day or weeks depending on their willingness (this was going on for about half a year). After this was settled, she started looking for a new father for us and after some failed attempts she found an unintelligent loser who comes from a rich family and his dad is paying for everything and even employing him. This guy has no education or anything, but in the span of few years he started drinking and smoking heavily which was funded by my mother since he was getting paid a minimum wage and couldn´t afford his addictions on his own. After a about 2/3 years, he wanted a baby with my mother with the promise of cutting of his addictions which he ended up not doing and I have a younger brother now. I didn´t get along with this guy which is only like 10-12 years older than me at all and had multiple conflicts with him, one of them ended up with me calling police on him after he attacked me but was stopped by my mother. Luckily for him the people from police officers I called was his friends from the inn so he got out of it with just a warning and from that point our relationship was going downhill. My mother stayed with this guy for about 10 years in total before ending things with him for like the 5th time and hopefully this one will be the final one. My older brother got some serious trauma from our biological father and became really isolated and lonely which led to me being his pretty much only friend and I basically overtook the role of an „older sibling “and tried to be the one he can lean on to. My mother which is very aware of her constant failures as a parent to provide a „normal family “and all the stuff around became a real mess mentally which excludes both of my older family members from my ability to lean on or vent out to or ask for guidance. I struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts and attempts, self-hatred and loneliness. for a long time but I´d say I´m clean of most of it for like 4 years now. But my educational life wasn´t easy, I had no idea what I wanted to do in my life since I was really ambitious and constantly was trying out a lot of new things but almost always failing due to something and I never got any support or guidance from my mother so I felt hopeless.

After primary school I went to a secondary school where I was for 2 years before I started to fail it due to lack of interest and mental issues of that time, so I failed a year and changed a school. Pretty much the same happened but I was there for only one year and now I´m at my 3rd secondary school which I´m supposed to study for 3 years there. I´m basically halfway through but there are again some issues. I downgraded in the schools and currently the one I am at doesn’t have the best reputation since it has a lot of having unintelligent students and/or drug addicts. I was always a misfit but I didn´t mind, I enjoy being alone but on this school its different. I´m not alone, I am alone and being harassed/bullied without a way of fighting back Since I can´t defend myself physically because one of my classmates did and got kicked out of the school because „violence doesn’t have a place in school “and my headteacher and the school headmasters are powerless until they attack me physically which they are just not dumb enough to do. The end result of this is everyone I turned to for help in the school told me „I can´t help you, just man up and get through it “. I thought I had a solution for some time, since it is a school where they teach us manual work, we get the opportunity to go into a work while studying and getting separated from your class. I took the chance and was working for about half a year. Since it´s a seasonal job (we can´t really work in the winter) some time before Christmas I was told to go back to the school for the winter and a few days ago I was supposed to go there again for the first time after winter. The day I went there my supervisor told me I am fired. I was confused, but after some digging and deeper thoughts I realised that the son of the owner I didn´t really got along well with and he had a lot of friends and power over his daddy so that is my theory to why I got fired. Now to the current issues. I had a plan of skipping school during the winter so I don’t have to meet with my classmates. This plan was heavily supported by my mental state of getting physically sick, vomiting, having cold, and agonizing headache most of the time the day before or the morning of the day I was supposed to go to school. Which led to me having almost 80% of absence which is way too much and now that I am fired, I have to go back there basically without missing a day of school or I am out. The situation at home doesn’t help at all either. My brother dropped out of college but he got well paid job so now I am being looked down at by all of my family for being “unable to graduate even from secondary school even though I am smart” and getting fired. Few days ago, was my 20th birthday and at the day of a family celebration my close family circle gathered not to wish me or support me. They all came and basically started saying stuff like “its in the family that one child is a failure” or “you know, someone has to get paid a minimum wage”. But not a single one came and supported me, all of them just went to my 20th birthday and started mocking me and making fun of me. I feel absolutely lost and without a purpose with no one to turn to. So I ended up here on the internet asking help from strangers.

I just turned 18 and graduated high school last year and if I'm being honest about everything, I genuinely cannot see myself passing the age of 20. I still feel like I'm 12 years old about to start high school, I genuinely have nothing going for me in life, I have no friends; the ones I do have live in different states and are with their significant others, which is something I don't have. I feel like a burden for my family and they all have jobs and expect me to get one or start doing something with my life.

What can I do to change the way I feel?

I have been struggling with negative thoughts for a couple of years now due to school trauma and bullying. In 12th grade, I had to stop attending school because I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Since then, it has been difficult for me to keep up with people. My mom doesn’t know how to help me. I was forced to transfer schools and pay for the whole semester, even though I only sometimes attended school for one or two days. My mom thinks I'm not trying, but I badly want to graduate, and it hurts when they call me lazy and say I don’t have the will to get better.

I used to be an honor student, but because of the harmful effects of what others did to me, I no longer recognize myself. I have engaged in self-harm in various ways and had to live alone. My mom thought that by sending me to a city alone, I would feel better, but it only made things worse.

I met my boyfriend, who helped me cope and inspired me to try again. I enrolled in pharmacy for two months and fell in love with it. My classmates were very kind to me, but I realized my struggle was mostly internal. I couldn’t control the thoughts of others or stop wondering if they hated my existence. I would suddenly leave the laboratory and cry at home, feeling weak. Now, I’m forced to study accounting online, which I also struggle with because I was a STEM student and find business courses difficult.

Nevertheless, I want to study pharmacy again if only I were given another chance. That field makes me feel truly fulfilled, and I believe I can thrive in it if given the opportunity.

Regarding therapy, I recently received my psychological evaluation results, and they disappointed me a little. The results were very clear, and I paid a lot for them. Now, I was told I can book a session only once or twice a month. From this schedule, I’m unsure if I can truly get better. Is this how it works?

As of now, I feel like I’m just waiting for an opportunity. I feel not good enough, and I'm dying everyday as I’m turning 20 soon.