Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

i started my onlyfans account like a year ago, just for some extra cash, but i didn’t expect how quickly it’d take over my life. i’m 21, i thought i could handle it, just treat it like a job, you know? but it’s like this thing where the lines between work and life get real blurry. i’m on my phone all the time, messaging with clients, keeping up that sexy, flirty energy that makes them feel special. it’s addictive, not just the money, but the attention too. i catch myself checking messages during lunch, replying when i should be chilling, constantly waiting for the next notification. it’s not like i even know these guys, but their messages give me that little rush, like someone’s thinking about me, wanting me. sometimes it feels empowering, other times it’s just draining. does that sound messed up?

i’ve had friends say, “girl, you need to set boundaries,” but it’s not as easy as it sounds. when your income depends on how responsive and available you are, it’s tough to step back. i’ll tell myself, just this one time, just a few messages, and suddenly an hour’s gone. the worst part? i’ve started sexting outside of work hours, not because i want to, but because it feels like the only way to stay relevant in the game. even when i’m not on the clock, i’ll catch myself drafting flirty texts in my head, thinking about angles, what i’d say to hook them in. it’s like my brain’s wired for it now, constantly on edge, thinking, “how can i keep them coming back?” it’s not healthy, right? but how do you just stop when you’ve made it your normal?

sometimes i look at my phone and think, “what am i doing?” i used to be so social, going out, hanging with friends, but now my social life is basically these online chats. i know it’s my choice, i know i’m the one who opened the account and started down this path, but i didn’t expect it to get this deep. it’s weird because i’m not even in a relationship, but i feel like i’m constantly ‘with’ someone through these texts. like my real life’s on hold while i live in this virtual flirty bubble. maybe i need to find a better balance, or maybe it’s just part of the hustle. i don’t know. ever been in a situation where the thing you thought you could control just takes over your whole mindset?

it’s been six months since I moved to New York City, and I can’t shake this feeling of loneliness. being 29 and living in such a bustling city is supposed to be exciting, right? well, I thought so too. As I walk around the streets filled with lively faces and vibrant energy, I find myself feeling disconnected and isolated. the sheer size of the city amplifies my loneliness; it’s ironic how one can feel so alone in a crowd. sometimes, I wonder if others feel the same way; do they also walk around with an invisible barrier between themselves and the world around them?

to combat this loneliness, I decided to engage in some volunteer work. I thought that maybe helping others would not only distract me from my own feelings but also help me connect with new people. I signed up at a local food bank and participated regularly, serving meals and sorting donations. while it was fulfilling to see the smiles on people's faces, I still returned home feeling hollow. the relationships formed during those moments were fleeting and shallow; it’s not like I was building lasting connections. I had hoped for more than just a brief encounter; I wanted to form friendships and find a sense of belonging. instead, I left with the same heavy heart, counting the days since I moved to this city.

during my time volunteering, I made small talk with a few people, sharing brief exchanges and pleasantries. however, I would return to my empty apartment, and the silence would feel deafening. it seems that despite the efforts I had put into trying to engage with others, I still found myself without real friends or a support system. I have considered joining clubs or classes, but the thought of walking into a room full of strangers is daunting, and I often find myself hesitating. does everyone feel this uncertainty when meeting new people? am I the only one struggling to find my place in a city that never sleeps? 🤔

even though the loneliness has been overwhelming, I refuse to let it consume me. I remind myself that I chose to live in New York City for a reason, and I believe that the opportunities for connection are boundless. I have been exploring new hobbies, such as painting and attending community events, and while I have yet to forge lasting friendships, I remain hopeful. each day brings new possibilities; it’s a matter of putting myself out there. perhaps it is just a matter of time; I trust that with patience, I will find my tribe. the journey towards connection can be incredibly challenging, but I strive to remain positive and cultivate a sense of gratitude for the experiences I have had so far.

in conclusion, my loneliness has led me to reflect on myself and what I truly desire from my life in this magnificent city. I acknowledge the pain of feeling disconnected, yet I see it as a stepping stone towards personal growth. while the struggles may feel heavy now, I am motivated to keep moving forward and seek connections that will enrich my life. ultimately, I know I am not alone in my journey. so, if you find yourself feeling lonely too, how do you cope with it? what steps do you take to connect with others? let's find solace in sharing these experiences, for perhaps together we can navigate this vast city and create meaningful connections in the process; you never know what could be just around the corner.

I'm a 20-year-old university student living in the dorms for the summer, and my roommate, Amanda, who is 34, shares the space with me. Despite our age difference, Amanda and I bond over countless things, and she often treats me like a younger sister, making our living situation quite pleasant and familial. Unlike most students who might prefer dining out, I am someone who generally cooks her meals, but I do occasionally indulge in eating out.

Amanda often accompanies me to these meals. Sometimes it’s just the two of us because my circle of friends is busy, or she herself would extend an invitation which I happily accept. Over time, I noticed Amanda began to treat me more often, generously covering our meal costs, despite her financial dependency on her parents since she doesn’t hold a job. I’ve frequently insisted on handling my own bills, but she has always brushed off my suggestions.

On a celebratory occasion after our midterms, we decided on a slightly upscale sushi restaurant. Amanda, who typically orders generously due to her larger appetite, chose several sushi rolls and dumplings for herself, while I settled on a single sushi roll and water, mindful of my tight budget and smaller appetite. Halfway through the dinner, Amanda dropped a bombshell. She suggested that I should pick up the tab for both of us this time. Taken aback, I questioned this sudden expectation as we had never agreed on such an arrangement. Amanda responded with indignation, mentioning how she had paid during previous outings and it was now my 'turn'.

When I expressed unawareness of any such agreement and highlighted our disproportionate food orders which my budget couldn’t cover, she lashed out by criticizing my financial situation, calling upon my parents' wealth as a reason for why I could afford it. I explained that while it was true my education was generously financed by my parents, my actual cash flow was tightly governed by them, supplemented only by my summer job earnings. This left her sulking and silent for the remainder of our meal. I, ensuring no further complications, requested separate bills.

Since that meal, there hasn’t been much conversation between us and I'm concerned about the potential damage to our friendship. Could it be that I was too harsh in not covering her this one time, or was Amanda's expectation unreasonable?

Imagining if this scenario unfolded on a reality TV show, the drama would certainly be heightened. Cameras would zoom in on our tense expressions and possibly onlookers’ reactions for added impact. The conversation would likely be painted in a dramatized light, potentially influencing viewers to pick sides. Emotional confessionals from both me and Amanda would insert personal insights, making the audience sympathize with one or the other based on the personal backstories and explanations regarding our financial standings.

I'm unsure now—am I wrong in this?

sometimes i just wonder, you know? like I have everything anyone could dream of - a great career, loving family... but the question is: do I really deserve to be happy???!!! seems kinda weird to even ask when life's practically throwing rainbows at my face. 😂 seriously though, why am I not dancing in the streets with joy or jumping out of bed every morning? ugh

there's this constant nagging feeling like I'm living someone else's life, or maybe a movie where they got it wrong casting me in the lead role. I remember this one time I was at a family gathering. everyone was laughing and celebrating, and I just sat there, feeling like a ghost in my own life. I could hear the conversations, see the smiles, but inside I was pretty much screaming. it's like I was on the outside looking in, and I couldn’t shake the sense that I didn’t belong. how is that possible?

and yay for hollywood-style success, but behind the curtain of awards and family dinners, there's an emptiness that's hard to shake off. I mean... if everything on the outside screams "you made it," then why are the inside voices such jerks? is guilt an accessory to success now? I think about all the people who have it much worse than I do, and that just makes it worse. it’s like I’m not allowed to feel this way because I have it good, but that doesn’t stop the feelings from creeping in.

I keep asking myself if I'm just being ungrateful. I know I should be happy, grateful, content. but there’s this heavy blanket of doubt that wraps around me, making everything feel dull and gray. I’ll catch myself scrolling through social media, looking at people posting about their amazing vacations or milestones, and I can’t help but feel like I’m missing something. sometimes I wonder if everyone else has a secret recipe for happiness that I just can't seem to figure out.

the other day, I was sitting in my office, staring at the wall, and I thought about how I used to dream about being in this position. back in college, I thought once I graduated and landed a decent job, everything would fall into place. but here I am, ticking all the boxes, and yet I still feel like I’m wandering around in a fog. it’s frustrating. I know what I should be feeling, but it just doesn’t match up with reality.

I recently had a conversation with my best friend about this. she was so excited about her new promotion, and when I congratulated her, I felt this weird twinge of jealousy mixed with guilt. why should I feel jealous? I love her, and I want the best for her. but then I thought, what if I’m not happy with my own successes? it’s like I’m stuck in this loop of comparing myself to others, and it’s exhausting.

there are moments when I think I can shake it off. I’ll have a good day, feel a spark of joy, but then it’s like this shadow just creeps back in, reminding me that it’s not enough. I went to a concert last week, and for a couple of hours, I was lost in the music. but as soon as it ended, that familiar weight returned. I could hear the cheers and laughter around me, but all I could think was how fleeting it all felt.

I mean, what’s the point of all this success if the joy is so hard to grasp? I start to wonder if I’m just chasing a feeling that’s always out of reach. is it normal to feel this way? I can’t be the only one, right? I see people talk about mental health and how it’s okay to not be okay, but then there’s this nagging voice in my head that says I should just be grateful.

i think back to my childhood dreams. I wanted to be someone who inspired others, someone who made a difference. but now, I’m not even sure if I inspire myself. it’s like I’m stuck in this weird limbo, where I have everything on paper, but I’m just not feeling it. I’ve tried meditation, journaling, even talking to a therapist, but the emptiness still lingers, like an unwanted guest who won’t leave.

I just wish I could understand why I feel this way. why can’t I just embrace the good things in my life? I’m tired of feeling like I’m on the outside looking in, like I’m watching my own life happen from a distance. I want to feel that joy and excitement that everyone else seems to have, but for some reason, it just doesn’t click for me. I guess I’m just here, wondering if I’ll ever figure it out, or if I’m destined to always feel a little lost in my own success.

I've come to the harsh realization that perhaps, I'm not the nicest person around. In my mid-thirties, I find myself surrounded only by a single friend and a girlfriend, yet I can't shake the feeling that I'm somehow superior to others. My lifestyle is quite reclusive; I shy away from any social gatherings related to work, and most of my routine revolves around my job, hitting the gym, smoking weed, and cycling. Traveling and cycling in the forest are my escapes, the rare times I don't feel swamped by depression.

Interacting with people, especially in groups, is a daunting task for me. The fear of turning red-faced and being judged negatively is always lurking. Thus, I avoid such situations altogether. There's a worrisome intensity in the way I live; I indulge too often in alcohol or getting high, viewing people merely as elements that enhance my own existence. My eyes wander too freely, admiring every attractive woman I come across, often blatantly flirting in the presence of my girlfriend. Even though these thoughts are never vocalized, I often catch myself belittling others or feeling utter disdain towards them internally.

I confess to being a staunch atheist, holding a disdainful view towards those who are spiritually inclined, believing myself to be smarter, better-looking, and stronger. The resentment builds whenever I see someone possessing what I desire, although I manage to keep this anger bottled up within.

Dominating these emotions is a profound sense of isolation, mixed oddly with a perverse comfort in wallowing in my misery. Sometimes, hurting my own feelings seems like a twisted form of pleasure, perhaps because it means feeling something at all.

My family background does little to lighten my outlook. My brother lives with the dark shadow of being a murderer and a former heroin addict. My father was a violent man, devoid of emotions, who ultimately took his own life. My mother, afflicted by illness so severe that she has been bedridden since my childhood, sparks a guilt within me for not taking care of her. However, I've chosen a path of self-preservation as dedicating myself to her care would consume my own existence entirely.

This life I've crafted for myself is one I despise, yet a part of me feels I shouldn't. With a good education, a well-paying job, and an undeniable appeal to women, I should feel fulfilled. Instead, I’m left feeling empty and, frankly, disgusted with myself for sounding like a self-pitying fool. What the hell is wrong with me?

Despite my efforts not to belittle others overtly, the impression that people don’t like me is hard to shake off. Loneliness is a constant companion.

If I were to join a reality show, my character might be polarizing. Would the audience appreciate my brutally honest introspections, or would they be repelled by my self-confessed arrogance and emotional detachment? It's intriguing yet terrifying to ponder how my persona would unfold under the constant scrutiny of cameras and a public audience.

I chose the friendship stories category but yeah it's related to friendship, love, family, work... I am like that.

Yeah, the title kind of gives my story away but i wouldn’t know how to explain this in any other way than that. I’m male, 16 and currently go to college (which is normal where I’m from, don’t worry)

I haven’t had these feeling before I started college, I never liked another guy in any other way than just friends but ever since I’ve been passing by this art school besides my own school, I can’t help but feel a little weird in my stomach. You know that feeling when you see someone you like? It’s just that.

Everytime I look at these guys, I feel weird. I really feel weird. I’ve never found another man physically attractive in real life to a point where I’d just want to kiss him or get with him. It’s different online though.

I know it’s kind of wrong but I get off from looking at how other guys.. you know. It makes me feel a little disgusting and it’s not normal for guys to look at guys doing it. Most friends I know always talk about how they look at women while I’m just stuck here, looking at fucking men. Does that make me gay?

Or do my feelings for the emo guys from the other school make me gay? I need help. A part of me just want to like girls because everyone else does. I just want to feel like this is all normal and that I’m just straight

i remember reading an article which stated that life is a series of choices, and i found it resonates with my situation. my husband and i have been married for twenty years; we share a home and family but our life isn't as picture-perfect as one might think. his aggressive behavior escalates at times, leading to physical confrontations that leave me emotionally and physically drained. unfortunately, our two children are witnesses to these distressing episodes, and i feel guilty that they must endure it too. i'm weighing whether this relationship can be salvaged or if it's best to separate for everyone's well-being.

i've sought professional assistance from various resources on domestic violence intervention strategies and conflict resolution techniques. while some methods have proven beneficial in mediating disputes temporarily or providing clarity on certain topics, there's still an underlying friction that seems insurmountable. the challenge here lies in evaluating the effectiveness of therapy sessions versus living separately without allowing resentments to fester further.

well-known psychologist once said: 'Wherever you go becomes a part of you somehow'; which captures the essence of how deeply intertwined relationships impact personal growth both positively and negatively over time... The uncertainty surrounding whether such complexities should prompt immediate action remains prevalent but simultaneously overwhelms me considering potential ramifications upon everyone involved 🤔 My heart leans towards optimism hoping changes can transpire through continued communication yet realistic understanding necessitates acknowledgment when enough has been tried.

just been wondering, why do i feel like my boyfriend doesn't love me???? i mean, he used to be so into everything we did together, y'know? now, it's like, all he does is zone out or scroll through his phone whenever we hang. 🤔 i might be overthinking, but this sudden distance is really messing with my head. was it something i said or did?? or is he just into someone else????

sometimes i think back to when we first started dating. those were the days!!! we'd talk for hours!!! laugh at the dumbest things!!! and just vibe like crazy!!!!! but now it seems like there's this invisible wall between us, and it's thick as hell. 🤷‍♀️ he used to be so attentive, but these days, trying to get him to open up is like pulling teeth. do guys just naturally go through this weird phase, or is it more serious than that????

and what's with the mixed signals??? one minute he's showering me with affection, and the next he's a ghost. makes me wonder if he's really that into me, or if he's just playing games to keep things interesting. 😒 can't help but think that maybe i'm just not enough for him. am i just being paranoid or does anyone else feel the vibe shift as intense as i do???? can't be the only one, right??

anyway, i've tried talking to him about it, but it always ends the same way. he brushes it off like i'm just seeing things, or worse, he gets defensive. is it wrong to want some reassurance every now and then???? it's not like i'm asking for the world, just a little bit of effort, you know?? feels like i'm the only one trying to make this work, and that's just, ugh, frustrating. 😤 i'm really at a loss here, like, what should i even do next????

who knows, maybe i'm overanalyzing the whole thing. maybe this is just a phase or something. but if he's really not feeling it anymore, then what's the point???? just want things back to how they were before all this crap started!!!! things should be simple, like, why complicate them?? bottom line is, if it doesn't improve, we might just be over. and that's just brutal to think about. so, what do you reckon??? am i being dramatic???? or is it time to face the music and move on???? 😕

So here's the thing: Is it possible to love two people at once? 'Cause it feels like I'm caught in a damn tug-of-war. On one hand, there's Alex. We've been together for years and honestly, we just click! He's my rock and we've built this life that's so familiar and comfortable. But then there's Jamie... Man, when I'm with Jamie, it's electric! It's like nothing I've ever felt before...sparkling chemistry that just won't quit no matter how much I try to ignore it!!!

It's like living a double life and as much as I try to keep everything balanced, it's draining as hell. In the world of relationships (or whatever you want to call this), do you have to pick sides? Or is there some magical way where both can coexist without someone getting hurt? The scales are tipped, always leaning towards one or the other based on the day or mood or even what side of bed I woke up on.

I've read all sorts of relationship advice and tried applying some polyamory techniques but man... those aren't foolproof either! It seems more like an ongoing experiment than a sustainable solution; Headlines in my head screaming, 'Can you have your cake and eat it too?' Maybe I'm just being greedy or selfish wanting the best of both worlds while risking losing them both if anyone finds out.

But hey... life is short, right? Shouldn't we be chasing these intense feelings wherever they lead us? Emotions run high and maybe there isn't a clean cut answer here... Who knows if such love triangles resolve nicely like fairy tales suggest. Do I need to make peace with this chaos lurking within or drag everyone involved into an awkward conversation that might blow up in my face?!?

I've been dealing with this relentless issue that keeps creeping into my nights. It’s gotten to the point where I dread going to sleep because of this recurring dream...more like a nightmare, really... In it, I find myself plummeting from a skyscraper. The sensation is so real and terrifying that I can feel my heart racing. Just when I think I'm about to hit the ground, I’m jolted awake like I’ve been pulled from a deep sleep.

These dreams have been coming more often and are more intense now. Each time, I wake up feeling drained, like I've just run a marathon in my sleep. I can’t help but wonder what they mean. Is it my brain trying to tell me something? Am I feeling like I'm losing control in some aspect of my life? I’ve tried to research what this could mean, but it only leaves me with more questions. Maybe it's just my mind playing tricks during REM sleep, or maybe I’m really on the edge of some big change. The whole thing has me spiraling into deeper thoughts about my own psyche and what these dreams say about me.

Lately, I’ve started keeping a dream journal to track these episodes. It feels silly, but I thought maybe writing things down would help me figure out patterns or triggers. Instead, it’s just made me even more anxious as I realize how frequently they occur. Last night, I had three of them in a row. Each time, I woke up feeling like I was gasping for air. I can’t shake this feeling that something is off, and it’s driving me a little mad. What if it’s not just dreams? What if it’s a sign that I need to confront something in my waking life?

hey, just needing to clear my head a bit. i'm a 28-year-old guy, and i've been in my first real relationship for a while now. everything's going well, but i can't help wrestling with some insecurities. see, my girlfriend, who's amazing btw, has been in quite a few relationships before me. she's got this whole experience thing going on, and i sometimes feel like i'm playing catch-up. i know she loves me, but these nagging thoughts creep in, whispering stuff like, "what if she misses the excitement of past relationships?" or "are you good enough?" it's like imposter syndrome on steroids, and it's messing with my head. have you ever been in a situation where you felt less experienced than your partner, and how did you handle it? 🤔

i mean, communication is key, right? but every time i think about bringing it up, i'm worried it'll sound whiny or insecure, which obviously it is, but still. 😅 i don't want to push her away with my doubts. it's a vicious cycle, though – the more i tell myself not to worry, the more i actually do. it's like trying to ignore the elephant in the room. we all arguably bring baggage into relationships, but what do you do when you know yours might tip the scales? i've tried working on myself, becoming more self-assured, but remnants of insecurity still linger. do you reckon it'll always be this way? or is there a turning point where these thoughts stop showing up uninvited? maybe that's the million-dollar question for anyone in similar shoes. if you've got any insight, sharing would be awesome....

I've never been able to understand myself or truly understand others. I've never managed to form a real attachment to someone without feeling like I'm lying to myself, and it's the same with my parents and friends. On top of that, I feel completely empty all the time. I can't even physically cry anymore—I feel hollow, like there's no solution. Yet, I've been seeing a psychologist for three years, as well as a child psychiatrist. I'm only 15, but honestly, I can't see myself making it to 25.

[Translated from French as IIWIARS is English only]

I'm 15 (almost 16) and it's been years that I see the same pattern going on with my dad. Whenever I ask for something I have to earn it, even if it's going out with friends, and as soon as he doesn't like something he will start threatening about not permitting me to do it anymore. An example is that I have been asking to go to a concert of a singer I like and after a while they finally said yes and as soon as they said yes he's been threatening to send back the ticket if he feels like I didn't study enough or that I could be disrespecting him (to him disrespect is even only raising my voice a little, huffing or not hearing him or answering immediately when he calls me). It feels like for one nice thing I get I also have to get a thousand bad ones. I searched online and it says that it's like manipulation or emotional abuse. Also tbh I'm like less excited about the concert (which would've been my first one ever) now that I'm getting threatened for every single thing and I'm starting to think maybe I shouldn't have asked at all even though I literally just got it.

I'm deeply in love with my friend, K. She's no shit EVERYTHING I've ever wanted in a person, AND she's the most attractive woman I've ever seen, I've never been so glad to be bisexual in my life. I've never wanted to care for and love someone as much as I do her. I want to love her and treat her the way she really deserves to be. She knows I want her and she knows a hint of how much I yearn for her (I'm wasn't overbearingly forward when I had admitted I wanted her), there's only one sticky issue. I've been not given a direct answer to my relationship inquiry, so I've kinda been jus left in this limbo of the unknowing. About 9 months ago I asked and she said she wasn't in the emotional headspace to be in a relationship, but she really likes me too. We've both made it obvious we find each other attractive, I compliment her at least once a day and she compliments me unprovoked too. She didn't ghost me after, we still talk frequently thankfully, and we even have plans for her to come down to my state to see me and my daughter. I'm not very emotionally or mentally stable, and one of my disorder's side effects is maladaptive daydreams, in which every one I have relates to her. If I want to fall asleep fast or I'm struggling to fall asleep, all I have to do is think about a situation where her and I are in each other's presence, it's a full proof method that has yet to fail me. I want to be able to provide for her and give her a comfortable, happy life. I want to sacrifice everything so she can have anything and everything she dreams of. With my explanation in mind, you you think I'll end up getting the girl?

I have no idea what to do. Like, I swear, my brain has been looping this same question over and over for weeks, and I still don’t have an answer. Do I break up with him? Or do I stay? I keep going back and forth. One minute I feel so sure that I need to end it, that I can’t do this anymore, that I’m just not happy. But then the second I actually think about saying the words out loud, I freak out. What if I regret it? What if this is a huge mistake? What if I let go of something that I’ll never find again? I feel like no matter what I do, I’m gonna end up hurting—either I stay in a relationship that doesn’t feel right anymore, or I leave and then spend months wondering if I made the worst decision of my life. And yeah, okay, maybe I’m being dramatic, but it feels dramatic. It feels like my whole world is balancing on this one choice and no matter which way I go, I’m gonna mess something up.

It’s not like he’s a bad boyfriend. He’s actually really sweet. He tells me he loves me, he texts me good morning and good night, he’s never done anything to hurt me. So why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like something is missing? I keep thinking that maybe I just got too used to him, that maybe I’m just bored, and that’s a me problem, not a him problem. But at the same time, shouldn’t I be excited to be with my boyfriend? Shouldn’t I want to text him, to spend time with him, to tell him things? Lately, I just… don’t. I see his name pop up on my phone and instead of getting happy, I feel tired. And I hate that. Because he doesn’t deserve that. He doesn’t deserve to be with someone who isn’t fully into it. But then I think about actually telling him, about actually breaking up, and it hurts. Like, I can already imagine his face, the way he’ll look at me, like I just shattered his whole world. And the idea of being the reason he’s sad? The reason he’s heartbroken? I don’t think I can handle that.

And then there’s the whole what if I never find someone else? part. I mean, sure, I’m only 15, I know that logically there are gonna be other people in my life. But what if no one else ever treats me as good as he does? What if I’m just being selfish and expecting some unrealistic movie kind of love that doesn’t even exist? What if I leave and then realize I just ruined something that could have lasted forever? And then I think about being single and it terrifies me. Not just the being alone part, but the whole starting over part. The thought of having to meet someone new, go through all the awkward first conversations, figuring out if we even like each other, getting used to a whole different person’s way of texting, of talking, of being… it sounds exhausting. And at least with my boyfriend, I know him. I know how he is, I know how to be around him, I know he loves me. And maybe that’s enough. Maybe I don’t need butterflies or whatever, maybe I just need to appreciate what I have. But what if I’m just forcing myself to stay because I’m scared of leaving? And if that’s the case, isn’t that kinda worse?

I wish someone could just tell me what to do. I wish I could fast forward to a year from now and see if I’m happier if I break up with him or if I’ll just be sitting there, crying over what I lost. But I don’t get to know that. I just have to decide. And I don’t think I can. I don’t think I’m ready. But how long can I keep pretending everything’s fine when it’s not?