Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

The last time I was here, I talked about my struggles in getting employed as an autistic girl with issues that directly go against the expectations of a job.

Well, against all odds, I got one! And it's my dream job! Wow!

...or so I thought.

It's zero-hours, minimum-wage, because that's all I could get and I know better than to hope for more. That's not the issue.

The issue is that while my bosses are super accommodating and have tried to allow me my adjustments, I've come to find there are parts of this - and likely every job - that I just can't tolerate.

I come home exhausted and in agony from walking around every day even if I've been allowed to sit as needed.

Customers find fault with me no matter how pleasant I try to be (and then complain to my bosses instead of just telling me? why are people.).

The staff reactions to my existence vary from passive-aggressive judgement (not paranoia, I have caught them laughing at me) to constant verbal digs that I know won't be solved since the one responsible for that holds a lot of responsibilities in the company and I am far more replaceable.

There's a severe lack of routine and communication in a way that is mostly unavoidable due to the nature of the job, supply issues that cannot be easily fixed meaning I get the backlash when we run out, and everything is too loud and too much pretty much all the time.

I've tried my best, I've been there just over a month now, and I was hoping I'd be able to ease into it as we went but over time the cracks are beginning to show in a big and dreadful way. It's like I got everything I wanted, but it's all come out wrong and now it's hurting me instead.

I have no time for hobbies or even basic self-maintenance - I can't cook, I can't clean, I can't anything. I barely eat now - either no energy after work or so anxious I throw up before it. Showering happens only if I force myself to wake up early to do it. My room looks like a bomb hit it, and the sink is full of dishes that neither I nor my dad have the energy to wash.

I don't feel human, which sucks because I'd just got good at feeling human before all this - now I just work and then I come home and shut down until it's time to work again.

"So quit. Just leave, and find another job" - but if I quit I'm back to jobcentre hell and my emotionally abusive dad will never let me hear the end of how he was right that I'd fail at this job.

It's awful but it really doesn't feel like there's any 'good' outcome for me here. I wanted change and I got it, but now I want to go back to how it was.

It's just down to what I'm willing to tolerate more - this job or more years of jobsearching, which will be made longer by the fact I GOT a job, lasted a month, and then left.

I could stay in a job that I hate, that physically hurts me and saps all my energy for anything at all even on the shortest shift, but at least I get paid (until they decide to let me go, like every other place, probably, but we'll burn that bridge when we come to it.)

Or, I can quit, be tormented by my immediate family about it, and go back to soul-crushing jobsearch hell where there's nothing for me AND I'm paid far less, but I'm not in physical pain and I get to actually feel like a human person some of the time.

Neither option is good for me, but I worry I'm going to be pushed into choosing sooner rather than later, so I'd like your thoughts.

In Malaysia, I got too excited at a mall and wandered away from my mom, causing concern. My dad, fearing dangers like kidnapping, got angry, yelled, hit me, and said hurtful things, like blaming my love for art and claiming he only cares because I’m his child, not out of love. His words made me feel selfish and unempathetic, even though I regret what happened and love your family. Since then, I’ve been anxious, cautious, and focused on helping my mom, wondering if it's just teenage emotions or if there's truth to his criticism.

so here's the deal. i work in an office where it seems like nobody really wants to hang out with me. it's kind of weird, you know? like, when lunch rolls around, everyone scatters into their little groups but somehow, i'm not included in any of them 🤔. they talk to me during work, sure, when they really have to. but outside of the necessary stuff, it’s radio silence. i get it, maybe i’m different or i just don’t click with their vibe. but hey, does it always have to be this way? wouldn't it be nice if people tried to include everyone once in a while?

it's not like i’m unfriendly or anything. i mean, i smile, greet people in the hallway, and even say "good morning" hoping for a return. it's not like i've got a boomerang attitude or something that'll come back to bite them; but still, nada. it's like i’m invisible in the social scene here. sometimes, i wonder if there's something i could change or whether they even notice. do you ever think that maybe if we sat down for a meal, they’d discover we’ve got common interests? or is that wishful thinking on my end?

i think of all those quotes like, "if you want to make friends, be a friend," and try to apply it. i’ve initiated small talks and water cooler chats, but they seem just... obligatory. like, when monday rolls around and we do a quick weekend debrief, it's always just the essentials. nothing more. feels odd, right? maybe i'm not putting enough out there, or they’re just set in their routines. either way, i don’t hold it against them. everyone’s got their own thing going on. who knows? maybe in time things will change.

so here i am, trying to understand this whole situation while keeping it chill. it might not be an episode out of "The Office," but the hope is real. perhaps one day, i'll understand that a lot of people feel isolated in certain environments at times. and maybe, just maybe, i'll grab a lunch mate. i’m not gonna let this get me down. what’s that old saying? “good things come to those who wait?” so, i wait. we’ll see what happens.

not my typical post this is a horror but no option for horror

this is chapwr one lmk what u guys think

Chapter One — The Hollow Tree

I ran but she caught me when the moon slipped behind the clouds and the world went silent.

Her grip closed around my ankle with a strength that belonged to graves and forgotten things. I fell hard, the breath knocked from my lungs, my palms sinking into the cold mulch of the forest floor. Dead leaves clung to my skin like the hands of the unburied, and for one hopeless moment I imagined that I, too, was sinking—downward—into the dark earth they all returned to.

A low hum trembled through the soil. A voice without words. A summons.

I twisted to look behind me.

I should not have.

She emerged from the dark like a memory that should have died centuries ago—long limbs bending in wrong directions, bones clicking against each other like rosary beads in restless hands. Her hair, long and dripping, veiled most of her face, though the smallest sliver of a grin stretched beneath it, white as moonlit marble and sharp as split stone.

The forest held its breath.

Even the wind dared not speak.

“Please,” I whispered, though my voice felt like it belonged to someone already fading.

Her head tilted. Not with mercy—no creature of mercy would be found in this place—but with recognition. As though she had been waiting, patient and starving, for the moment I would return.

The stories had warned me. My grandmother’s voice echoed, faint and trembling, from the deepest corners of childhood: Do not run from the Hollow Woman. She will come faster. Do not speak to her. She will hear you for a century. Do not look back. She is always closer than you think.

Yet I had done all three.

Her fingers tightened, cold as river stones, and she dragged me across the earth toward the hollow tree ahead—a towering corpse of a once-mighty oak, its trunk split open by some ancient and merciless storm. The gap gaped like a mouth, the inside impossibly dark, impossibly deep, as though it tunneled straight into the underworld.

The closer we drew, the more the forest changed. The trees bowed inward, crooked like mourners at a funeral. A smell seeped from the hollow—wet soil, rotting bark, and beneath it something sweet, like overripe fruit left too long in the sun.

“No,” I gasped, clawing at the ground. My nails scraped through moss and root, catching on stones slick with dew. My body obeyed terror’s instinct, but my mind was trapped in the slow, creeping dread that had haunted me since I first heard her voice two nights ago.

It had come with the storm.

I had been lying in my grandmother’s abandoned house—our ancestral ruin—when the lightning split the sky and the walls groaned like a living thing. A whisper curled through the cracks in the floorboards, thin as winter breath: Come back to me.

I thought it was grief. Or loneliness. Or the house settling around its last inhabitant.

But then the whisper came again.

And again.

And last night, when the moon was whole and bright, I saw her standing beneath the oak tree at the edge of the forest, her shadow stretching longer than her body should allow.

She had been waiting.

“Not yet,” I murmured, desperate, choking on soil as I fought against her grasp. “Please—not yet.”

For the first time, she paused.

Her grip, though unyielding, stilled. Slowly, achingly slowly, her face lifted, and beneath the curtain of her tangled hair I saw the hollow where her eyes should have been—deep, shadowed pits that seemed to draw in the light around them.

When she spoke, it was not with a voice but with a sound like roots cracking beneath frozen ground.

“You left me.”

My heart stuttered. A coldness spread through my chest, not the fear she inflicted but something older, deeper, something that knew her.

Because I had left her.

I didn’t understand why or how—but the moment she spoke, the truth whispered beneath my memory like something long buried scratching at the coffin lid.

“I don’t remember,” I whispered, and my own words tasted wrong, as if they were stolen from someone else’s mouth.

She dragged me another inch toward the hollow tree.

The moon finally slipped from behind the clouds then, its pale, shivering light spilling across us. For a moment—just a moment—she stopped moving. Her body stiffened. Her smile dropped into a grim line carved of stone.

The moonlight touched her skin, and she recoiled as though burned.

I felt her grip loosen.

Only a little.

Only enough.

With a cry torn raw from my throat, I twisted sharply, kicking with all the panic of a creature half-dead and unwilling to finish the job. My heel struck something soft—her face, perhaps—and her grip faltered.

I scrambled backward, breath ragged, legs shaking so violently they barely obeyed me. She hissed, a sound like a dying wind through hollow places.

But she did not lunge.

She watched.

The moonlight kept her rooted.

I staggered to my feet. Pain lanced up my knee. Blood soaked into my sock. Yet I ran—not with hope, but with the terror of someone who knows the night is far from over.

Behind me, her voice seeped through the trees like mist:

“When the moon dies, you are mine again.”

And above the forest canopy, the clouds thickened—slowly smothering the light that protected me.

so I've been friends with her for about 3 years, and I'm not even over exaggerating when I say she has no concept of things beyond what she has experienced. she literally thought sore teeth didn't exist because she never had them. so anyway she judges me for practically everything I do, and I swear its like she struggles being happy for me, when I literally went on call with her to give her advice while she was talking to a guy, listened and hyped her up for three days straight when the guy was all she ever talked about. so recently when we were volunteering these two guys came up to us and one was tall and kinda cute and the other was not ugly but he looked like REALLY young like out little brothers young, and the tall guy asked for my number and the short one asked for hers. I was already looking at her though because she has pulled all the guys in the past so I didn't even expect one to ask for my number. so afterwards we kinda just went on with what we were doing and she kept calling them chopped chuz when mine wasn't acc chopped... so like I kinda just acclimated to what she was saying and agreed but she literally wouldn't stop calling them chopped like literally doing it nonstop so I started getting deffensive bc he acc wasn't and it was annoying me. so she like reluctantly stopped for a bit. so I've been texting him and stuff and he is actually super sweet, but one time I asked her for advice for what to text because he said something I didn't know how to respond to and she just said "idk just stop talking to him" and switched the conversation to her. so I confronted her about it and literally reminded her about how I listened to her talk about her crush for three days straight, and she literally just disregarded it. she literally gets like upset when I talk about him. and on another tangent, I get tired super easily. like, get 12 hours of sleep and still be yawning in class tired. because of it, I don't always want to hang out after school with her, and recently she has started getting petty about it. whenever I say I don't want to hang out she literally says "ohh is baby too tierdd did she not get her Naptime" like what in the highschool musical bullying... like ik I'm making all of this sound like a joke but it's actually so draining. I don't think she realizes how many little comments she makes but they have gone from not thinking before speaking to passive aggressive and targeted. I'm not compleatly innocent either, I 100% have done things passive aggressively, but I make sure never to do them unprovoked, and always try to at least keep it in check. she has not only just started doing this either, she has not thought about what she says for the three years I've known her. it broke me down a bit, and she knows it. she just doesn't seem to care about what I have to say. she forces me to keep conversation going if I try talking or just interrupts me and brings the topic back to her. I somtimes say stuff like I wish I had more friends, but then she says 'your not gonna get any friends if you just sit around and never talk to anyone" and that's true, but then when I try to talk with new people she dominates the conversation, interupts me, and answers for me. she answers for me A LOT and it's actually so annoying. she is so hypocritical and will tell me not to do something, only to do the exact same thing herself. I just dont know what to do about her anymore. I guess I just want to know if I'm overreacting or not. there's a lot more, but that's way to long to write about.

thanks for getting this far

my boss texted me this holiday at 7am!! just asked me to send a quick message to an agent and this exchange lasted for roughly 10minutes. now Im just worried that if I keep doing this, then it will not only be 10minutes but hours someday. I dont know if its okay to oblige to requests like this on a holiday even if it took me only 10minutes to talk with the agent. is it okay to accommodate simple requests like this if you are on vacation? my boss tends to scold us in our group chat if we dont respond immediately and attend to matters. to be honest, the message wasnt even urgent at all. its a national holiday and everyone is on vacation!!

Does anyone know how to heal fearful avoidant attachment? Maybe you think it sounds ridiculous and maybe I sound ridiculous but believe me when I'm saying I've fought this thing tooth and nail. Fearful avoidant attachment is like living in a constant state of dissonance. You're caught waiting for the other shoe to drop, even if nothing indicates it's anywhere near dropping. A part of you wants closeness so bad but the second it's within reach, you're devising elaborate ways to flee from it. Have read therapists call this "protest behavior", illustrating our inner conflict perfectly.

Anyway, here’s what bugs me: mental health experts insist on "proactive intervention" or "self-reflection activities". Translation: daily journaling sounds more fun than tearing off bits of emotional armor? Or they promote consistent therapy practices, but, who's paying these bills? Like oh boy thanks for such practical advice I mean who isn’t excited about therapies that are two times more expensive than your regular cup of coffee! Yet shocker highly individualized approaches seem cheaper (note sarcasm;). How can I possibly consider detaching emotionally from every person that's just out there doing things which pretty much reiterates their own version of disappointing others?

Don’t want to sound blunt however bf of mine said "You should write self-gratitude lists"... Okay buddy guess nobody told him anxious detached gal likes witty humor not butterflies and cookies! Sure coaching suggests we foster bonds weekly with peers prioritizing safe opportunities instead higher actuation downtime alone building pseudo-courses aimed specifically designed getting disconnected sorts wrongs possible, voila quick-fix mindset shifted! The matter is neither physiological genetic driven factor rather suggest mindful individuals critique awareness attach systems deeply internal resolutions engage. That's it guidance worlds burnt incorrectly poll confusing lament without identifying nuances involved journeys navigating interpersonal interactions varying spectrums societal settings. Not assuming altogether nuance clarified either way suggestion count?

Look I don’t or didn’t know what to put as the topic. However; day by day, hour by hour, year by year, month by month I’m less ok. If your anything like me it’s hard to tell someone or even talk to a trusted adult about what your going through. I may not know you but welcome to whatever this fuckin thing is… life is mysterious yet hurts because you never know what will happen. My parents want what’s best for me yet I don’t know what’s best for me, I don’t have a path. I don’t have a journey to follow, I’m going with the flow going day by day not knowing where I’ll end up or how I’ll feel by the end of the day. I mean fuck, I skipped work and got so drunk I just needed to feel something, I needed to feel like I could feel things again. Yet it didn’t matter it didn’t help, getting drunk or high won’t help.. sadly… I’m terrible with talking to people I’m awkward I’m socially awkward I’m anxious and scared and anything possible. I know I need to find what I’m good at but it’s like everyone around me isn’t rooting for me, but is pushing me to do things I can’t do or I don’t want to do. Don’t let that happen to you. Because you need to follow your heart, your head, and follow your own path not one someone forges for you, not one someone is forcing you to do. Follow whatever you want to do. Never feel pressured to do anything, take your time and soon enough you will end up ok. Maybe not today, or tomorrow or a week from now fuck maybe not even a year from now but we were all brought onto this earth to do smth we just need to find out what.

it has been two months since we broke up. i still think about him every day. i wake up and his name is just there in my head. i wonder if he does the same?? does he pause when he hears a song we liked?? does he look at old pictures and feel that small ache too?? i try to stay calm about it. we ended things for real reasons. we both needed space. that is a fact. but feelings do not follow rules. sometimes i replay our last talk. i ask myself if he misses my laugh or the way i made coffee too strong. is it silly to hope he thinks of me at night?? i am not angry. just curious. just human. i keep telling myself that if i still care, maybe he cares a little too;

i cannot forget him yet. that is just the truth. i go out with friends. i work. i smile. life moves. but there is this quiet space where he used to be. do you ever feel that?? like someone left but their shadow stayed?? i do not stalk him. i do not text. i respect the break. that feels mature. still, when my phone lights up, i look fast. maybe it is him!! it never is, but hope is stubborn. i think time will soften this. i believe people who shared something real do not just erase each other. maybe he wonders about me on random days. maybe he smiles at a memory and keeps walking. that idea makes me feel calm. what if he is healing too?? what if we both are growing, even apart?? i choose to see it that way. it hurts a bit, yes. but it also feels warm. like something good existed. and maybe that is enough for now.

i just made this account to rant about how i cannot seem to stop thinking about this guy. we will call him alan.

i am a 25 y/o f. i have been in the most amazing relationship with my fiancee for the past year and a half. he is perfect you guys, and he treats me like a queen. i love everything about him.

since i was 18, there has been this guy who i met when i was in high school. we would talk occasionally and i eventually developed feelings.. was it lust? maybe. i was 18, fresh out of high school, naive, and i thought talking to an older man was the sexiest thing ever. so i was over the moon. i was naughty.

and then i find out he's married. we cut communication there. he even has KIDS. after i found out, we both decided to stop. we were just friends on social media where we would like each others' posts eventually. alan and i did not speak. i got into a very serious relationship, which ended in the worst way possible, and i was single for about two years. alan and i STILL did not talk.

i eventually fall in love one more time, with my now fiancee. guys, i need you to understand how serious i am when i say this: he is everything i ever wanted in a man. he lets my sister live with us (my family situation isnt the best right now) and supports me in every single decision. i have never been loved this strongly. i feel like people would kill to have the love i have. and i am not saying that to show off, i just want to make people understand that this love is STRONG.

well, alan recently got a divorce and decided to message me. he knows i'm with somebody else. i am just so frustrated because this has gone on for almost 8 years. and i know i should be stronger and put an end to it but how and WHAT exactly am i putting an end to? i have never dated, kissed, had sex, or anything with alan.

timing is so funny and it is never, ever right. and i am such a strong believer that if the timing is not right, it is just not meant to be.

i have decided to completely block and remove alan from my life i feel like this is coming across completely differently than i want it to, but it is a very bittersweet feeling. he is part of my book, a chapter in my life even if it was small and not significant AT ALL. but that is still a part of me and of my history. my fiancee deserves this. i deserve this. hell, maybe alan deserves it too.

i am feeling nostalgic today! it is time to turn the page. i will look forward with anticipation and excitement to my future, my wedding, my family.. i just needed to get this off my chest, because i did not want to hold it in anymore!!!!

My boss operates with complete egocentrism. He wants to have the world under his complete control, the rumors under his absolute control, and in fact, he's built his life around that. However, in his zeal, he manages to evade the very thing that could be used to stab him in the back. He tries to avoid anything that might cause him problems, because he knows he creates them, and all at the cost of his nerves, of course, if he intends to hold the world together. The man hasn't even shown up for a party, while his secretary has. It's clear he knows that everyone in the company wants him dead, wants him dead, because there was a tragedy and it was proven that all he knew was how to escape, how to avoid taking responsibility, how to be unprepared for emergencies. I haven't seen him in a while, and what I remember is that he tried to approach me several times to come work with him through friendly conversation, but I didn't let him. I'm no longer in that situation with him, and the time I did was only to get away from him. I didn't want him in my life; he almost put me in serious trouble. He's someone I'm not interested in, someone who only causes me problems with his sneaking around, his refusal to face the music, all because he clings to his cowardly principles.

He tried to get rid of me, making me try to stay with the others, but it backfired. The funny thing is, I ended up with the most hated person in the group. Of course, it was also an advantage for her, since she was a girl, because she just happened to be with the most introverted person, which is somewhat paradoxical given the group she's part of at the office. We're both introverts, we interact in our own way, and that's what really annoyed my boss. He thrived on having to conform to everyone's expectations, always on the edge, constantly avoiding everything. We, on the other hand, don't operate that way; we allow ourselves to be ourselves. He tried to separate us, and that's precisely when I managed to turn the tables. We didn't end up on each other; he was completely devastated. His days at the company aren't just numbered, they're practically nonexistent, because the bad rumors, fueled by a real complaint, are wreaking havoc on him.

It's a shame I had to pull such a trick on this person, but otherwise he'd never respect me, and he needs to learn to respect people, especially introverts. Whether he likes it or not, this is an honest way of life, unlike him, who's a dishonest extrovert. He clings to authority to do whatever he wants, and those kinds of people definitely shouldn't be in this world, especially not with the state of our country right now. Well, I had to get rid of that guy, especially since I'm the student admissions coordinator at a university, for God's sake. I have a lot of management knowledge, but I'm not going to give it to him. He thought for a long time that he had me wrapped around his little finger, but as time went on, things turned out the other way around: every attempt he made to get his hands on me was thwarted. He was someone who didn't know what to do because he felt limited by me, and he didn't like that, so he got rid of me. He does that to people he can't control when he gets the chance. I was going to do that with the girl, since she was in the same situation.

The man isn't the fierce warrior he claims to be when cornered, when he's alone, completely defenseless. He's not as clever as he pretends to be; in fact, I've seen how quickly he can be exposed. Of course, he doesn't care about his image because, as I've said, he always leaves things out of character and depends on the support of others. I'm not going to support this image because it won't do any good. Instead, I need people to see what we're dealing with so we can take precautions now. Being in a job isn't about having it for the sake of survival, but about fulfilling one's responsibilities. Supporting something like that is supporting an abuse of power, and one definitely shouldn't be part of a group like that. I'm glad the secretary distanced herself from him, as she'd been saying he was the one who brought her into the world with his true nature. In fact, he always made her do all the work, making her the one who did the running while she did the work—typical of patriarchal families. He always made her feel responsible for his stress. He was truly a wretch, and when I left him bankrupt, all she did was smile. Of course, those are the typical gestures of someone who manages to compensate for that wounded, oppressed part of themselves, which no one else supported in any way because it would involve a very, very delicate power struggle.

I would never have supported that woman in her situation, and besides, any complaint I made would have been used to contradict her.

The secretary's situation was one of being trapped. Who knows what kind of messes she got herself into with him? It's clear she's the kind of person who gets involved in social situations that inevitably backfire on her sooner or later, if she gets involved at all. She seems to live only to please others in order to keep the group together and get some affection at the same time. I once supported someone like that, and I'm certainly doing well now, but in this case, I'm afraid there was nothing I could do, because the thing was, she was in the same job, and I can't afford to make drastic changes that would affect me. In fact, when the thing with the girl happened, it affected her work life, and I had to find a way to get her out of that situation, no matter what. She reported something that shouldn't have been reported, and because of her reputation, people thought she was trying to make me look bad, when in reality she couldn't handle the situation, the conflict we had. She couldn't control it and sought support from others, but they didn't see it that way.

That girl, like the secretary, was also trying to gain influence over others, and in fact, they were constantly vying for power. Wow, so many things happened in the office that people didn't even notice. Of course, when that conflict arose, it's worth noting that people forgot they were in an office, and I used whatever it took to support her side. In this regard, my boss tried to do his own thing; he wanted to distance me from her, and frankly, I didn't want to. He wanted me to use some pseudo-bureaucratic excuse not to speak to her, knowing it would affect her, but I refused to use that excuse. I did too many things to make him turn his gaze toward me, to make him feel that I was somehow obsessed with the girl, and thus provoke a confrontation. He and his secretary wanted to stand up to him, but while the girl was doing her thing with them—because she was also in the fight—and I was doing my own thing with them, the group couldn't hold its ground. Thinking he had the upper hand with me, he lost it, and then he didn't know what to do. They never thought anyone would step down from their pedestal, least of all my boss, so he didn't know what to do. He didn't recognize me, just like his secretary. For them, it's not normal for someone to drag them into conflict; their life revolves around running away from them. The girl was on the same page as me with them; in fact, even after everything happened, she's still at it.

That someone wouldn't care about their peace is something they can't understand, something strange to them, because they assume everyone wants it, no matter what, since they see themselves as the primary providers. In fact, they considered themselves the lords and masters of the office, even though they weren't the authorities, something they couldn't do. Quite a recap of this story, it just so happens we're not on vacation and I haven't put all the pieces back in their place.

You gotta do what u gotta do even if it's dumb to protect your peace 😆😆😆😆

We all have those times when we take a good long look at our lives and think, "Wow, my family is basically toxic." Yeah, that’s me, sitting here at 17, kind of over all the crap I’ve had to deal with since I was little; like, when did it become completely normal for people who are supposed to love and support you to treat you like you’re some low-life piece of trash? I mean, seriously? It’s been this way as far back as I can remember, and sometimes I wonder if anyone else feels like this or if it’s just me – does anyone else out there have a family that just doesn’t know how to be nice? It’s like I’ve been living in a sitcom that got canceled after one season, with a cast of characters who just can’t figure out how to act right. I constantly find myself waiting for the finish line of high school to come into sight because that’s when I know I can finally break free. You know, the moment where I can just stand up and say, “Screw you all! I’m outta here!” But here I am, still enduring endless lectures from my parents about how I’m not good enough or how I need to shape up because apparently, my life goals were decided by them when they thought having kids would be a walk in the park. How do they expect me to thrive when I feel suffocated by all their demands? It’s maddening! It’s disheartening to think that I’m surrounded by people who don’t even see my potential, who seem to want to keep me small and miserable. Like, where’s the understanding? Where’s the compassion? Where’s the basic human decency? I’ve tried to talk to them about how I feel, but every time I open my mouth, it’s like throwing a paper plane into a hurricane; all it does is get torn apart and blown away. Have you ever had a conversation that felt like you were speaking a completely different language? I can’t count the number of times I’ve faced resentment just for wanting to express my thoughts. It’s as if my voice doesn't even exist; it’s frustrating because I have dreams, aspirations, actual plans of how to better my life. I want to work hard and make something of myself, but instead of encouragement, I get subjected to eye rolls and dismissive comments. It’s unhealthy and toxic, and there’s no other way to put it! Honestly, I’d rather be alone than in a house where I’m constantly reminded of my so-called shortcomings; I have no clue how they think this is going to help me in the long run. And, sure, they say they care; of course, they do! But their version of care seems to be wrapped in criticism and negativity, which makes me roll my eyes so hard I’m surprised I don’t see my brain. There’s nothing quite like feeling like the black sheep of the family, which is ironic because I sometimes wish I could turn into a literal sheep and just roam peacefully, far away from all the chaos. Even when we’re all sitting together for dinner, it feels like a battleground where every stare cuts deeper than a knife. You can cut the tension with a knife; it’s palpable! The silences are more deafening than the arguments, where everyone just eats in a hollow, uncomfortable silence, avoiding each other’s gazes like I'm some kind of alien invading their planet; and for what? I’m just trying to survive here! I guess the only silver lining is that I’m learning resilience. I’m becoming stronger with each drama-filled day. I’m looking forward to the moment I can fly away and create a life that is mine, free from emotional blackmail; it’s almost like my own personal rebellion! I keep reminding myself that this toxic environment doesn’t define who I am or what I can achieve. I hope to find my own supportive community outside of this mess, a place where people encourage you to chase your dreams and don’t tear you down at every opportunity. I know there’s a world out there full of kindness and warmth, waiting for me to find it! Yes, I may have a toxic family, but I believe I can break this cycle! How many of you feels this way too? Isn’t it time we all just took charge of our own narratives and molded them into something beautiful?

I’m feeling really suicidal and I’m just finding more and more stuff out and it’s just making it so much worse. I’ve been crying all week and no one to talk to. I’m scared to go to school, I’m scared of confrontation, im scared of looking people in the eyes in the hallway, I’m trying so hard. Way too hard. I’m slowly starting to go non-verbal and I haven’t said a word to anyone since Thursday. I’m pushing everyone out because I’m afraid to annoy them or be too much, my personality has completely changed and now even Lenny’s talking about me, I feel like no one really likes me and I’m freaking out every time I’m in a class with people I know for sure don’t like me and I start going non verbal and I have been skipping class because I know no one in there likes me in the slightest bit and I’ve been skipping classes because of people in there, when I lost my earbud on Thursday I started hyperventilating and I had a panic attack because I couldn’t listen to music. I’m turning my personality completely around and I can’t stand it. I live for talking, if I could I would talk to a deaf person in sign language just to talk some more. I only ever remember me being a sweet, kind, caring, talkitive girl. I thought I was pretty, I thought I would be liked. I completely changed everything just to be liked and it all was lost. All of my achievements are gone and I have to restart. I can’t think of any other way to dress, to wear makeup, how to talk, what words to use, what slag to use I have no idea how.i want to go back to my 5th grade self when literally everyone liked me and knew who I was and loved me. I don’t even have my own small group of friends anymore.

Hey, it's me. I have a question for you all. Well, a few ones, because I soon realized I'm a very deep empath and I love flagellating myself when I feel bad for someone (not literally), and today my YouTube's been popping up with people who experience autism. Folks like @Kaelynnism on YT really helped, and while you folks probably watch her too sometimes (or don't, I don't know, I'm stupid), it really helped me see from their POV. And I feel like garbage. I'm not diagnosed with anything, besides eczema but that's not really a mental illness, is it? But I can't help but feel terrible knowing the different experiences of you guys and how sometimes very sensitive you are to things. I feel like even if I BREATHE wrong you'll get mad, and it's my fault. That's why I got some questions.

For one thing, how bad are your triggers to sound, touch, taste, smell and atmosphere? Because I know a lot of you all mask up and pretend everything's fine, when really I should be doing that because it's sad when you do it. Another one, how bad can meltdowns get, so whenever I encounter someone who is, I should run away or comfort them by shutting up? Should I always agree to your rules or habits, even if I feel bad about some of them because to you they're right and I may hurt your feelings for asking you to not do it? Should I always nod and say yes to you even when I have no idea of your niche interests, and should I never tell you mine because they're not niche enough like yours? Should I always stay quiet when I'm with you? and when you're being too blunt I should take it in, even if it hurts? When you feel pain, should I forget mine? When you tell me or do something hurtful, should I excuse you because you're mentally ill? I'm not asking this with malice, I'm asking because I feel like a prick for even having a neurotypical brain and breathing.