Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

My mental health has always been a shit show and it has caused me to be a bad person to the people around me sometimes. I've also always had a kind of bad/dysfunctional relationship with my parents.

3 years ago, I lost my support system presumably because of something I did. I say presumably because I still don't know what exactly caused it but it might have been a small decision I made that tipped off an amalgamation of grievances between everyone. My support system decided to drop me overnight and I never got closure. I reached out to them to see if this was something that could be talked about because I was confused about it but was met with bullying and ostracization. They said some pretty mean things about me that I fear are now coming true. They told me I would never be able to make real friends and that I would always have a hard time succeeding in life.

This happened closely before I moved to a completely new country where i knew no one and because I was processing my loss, i had a hard time forming connections with anyone else. I'm three years in at a new school and I have no close friends, i have friends that have made it clear to me that i am not part of the "inner circle" and I am borderline being stretched so thin just trying to pass classes. My advisor tells me i might have undiagnosed ADHD but I don't know if I can take another blow to my ego of having a mental illness that can't be rationalized and is just something i have. My relationship with my parents are still no better, if anything only worse due them growing more stubborn with age, and me growing into an adult.

Sometimes, I feel like i was the same person my support system said I would turn out to be and that there is nothing I can do to escape that fate. I've tried hard, out of spite but there's only so much spite can fuel before it starts burning me too.

There's a face I put on all my life

The face of an angel

I look in the mirror only to find

The face of a stranger

I don't wanna feel a thing. Talking about makes me sick. You've got therapy and I"ve got no regrets. Yesterday I slept till sunset. Woke up on my bedroom floor again. I can't even count on half the people that I call my friends. Rolling through another blackout. I don't gotta act like I'm ok. Everything got better when I realized nothing matters anyway. I don't want your bad advice. Keep that baggage to yourself. I could show the whole world my scars. But that'd probably scare them all away. I would rather take another hit, put on a band-aid. I need help. I NEED HELP. I'm too STUBBORN to ask myself. I'm so tired, I'm unwell. I'm too broken to fix myself...

Don't know how much more I can take

I just know that I need to get better.

So basically, I was good friends with my ex, Eli, and I convinced him to join the XC team for fun since I was also on the team too last year. We both made it along with a couple of my friends. As I got closer with my ex, we started dating and after a couple of days, I honestly kind of just lost feelings for him, but dealt with it because I didnt want to seem like a bitch. And so like I spent quite a bit of time with my XC friends as I felt more comfortable with them, 2 of them J and M are one of my good friends, along with Ems and A, who are in my grade. (J and M are a year older than me. ) And so like I mainly hung out with J since she was an older sis to me yk? So like I hung out with her and sat down on the bus with her when we were going to one of our races, we were also doing karaoke with our XC team on the bus with our coach too. So we were blasting on some music and singing our hearts out. Me, Ems, and M were probably singing the most, basically screaming out the song lyrics (also to add M is a dude), so like as I was singing along with M, I took a glance at my then bf and he smiled but I could honestly tell he was like upset or like jealous. I didnt really think about it much, but I did tell Ems, which I told her in my native tongue, which she responed with a nod and gave me a look to tell her later when we got off the bus. So like when it was about to be my race, I felt really uncomfortable when I had to take off my undershirt because I knew that if I wore the undershirt, I would have over-heated with my jersey over it too, but I felt uncomfortable because my jersey was one of those sleeveless ones and it was a bit big on me as well, which it did show a bit of my bra, which I felt very uncomfortable. Oh and I was then talking to E about it in my native tongue while she whispered back in English. (She's not very fluent in our native tongue.) And when we went back, we were still having karaoke and then my bf was trying to gain my attention by showing me one of those AI generated videos of animals, which I thought was really weird. Now that I've broken up with him, I realized that he was being quite racist to me about my Asian heritage and that was a huge red flag! Also he then proceeds to date my friend, who at the time didnt know he was my ex, so I dont blame her. And then another one of my friends, this time is a friend I dont really like (im pretty sure she has an anime and asian men fetish), liked him and told me so yeah. So lowkey, mortal of the story is to not date people who are racist to you, and dont date your boy bsf.. (The letters and name are not their actual names as I do respect their privacy.)

So, you know how when you're a teenager, your brain is rewiring itself as well? Like, your prefrontal cortex is very slowly maturing, unlike the amygdala with already matures. That means since the amygdala is a very emotional and hyperactive organ, it causes us to do more impulsive things than rational ones. No wonder at 13 I feel so angry, reckless, sad and anxious. Those emotions are shameful, they make me savage and horrid. I wish I had better control of myself. It makes me focus on one thing, usually shallow stuff, and forget the other, like an idiot. That's why I finish certain homework and not some. That's why say something horrible and regret it. I hate my brain, I wish I was more mature and less angry and chaotic. I've heard certain drugs like Xanax work as they reduce amygdala activity and soothe you, make you more relaxed and less anxious. They do that, right? And I heard that cutting my skin works by releasing endorphins, which will also soothe me. I hate my body, I hate how ugly and out of control I am right now. The drugs and cutting will fix me, in theory, they work I just know it. So please, I don't think I'm shameful, I think I'll be smart and lucky and not get addicted.

Back in 2018 I was dating this guy he was 2 years above me in high school I was 12 and he was 14 and things were going really well between us I really loved him (so I thought)looking back on it now it wasn’t love, so after a couple of weeks he introduced me to sexting and I just thought it was a game, but then it turned into weekly games and then touching was creeping its way into it, he kept touching me and I told him to stop it but he carried it on anyway on multiple occasions, at this point it had been going on for over 2 months but then it took a toll and he then started blackmailing me saying if I told anyone what he did he would leak my nudes to my family and friends and completely embarrass me , it was Christmas time 2018 and i caught him cheating on me and he ended things because he didn’t like me no more, at this point i was sobbing my heart out and then in January 2019 i finally broke down in tears in front of my mum and i told her what happened, we went to the police station and told them what happened and they said unfortunately we can’t do nothing more because he is autistic and you haven’t got enough evidence, from that day on I could still feel his hands on me in the shower, in bed, out in public I hated it, I went to this place called RASA they help you with ptsd from r@pe and trauma abuse, yes I got the help I needed but it still haunts me every single day and I still get nightmares and flashbacks because even tho it was a long time ago it never goes away, but one thing I really wish I had done is, I found the clothes I was wearing each time it happened and I wish I had took them to the police station and then maybe I would have gotten my justice

Sometimes i feel like sort of a burden. No one really talks to me, i usually have to start conversations. Or when the other person starts the conversation its just a quick one and they give off that they dont wanna talk to me. Maybe its just me but i miss being someone’s first choice. Would anyone choose me as their first option, or will i always be the side friend who people come to for advice only.

It’s pretty tiring but it’s ok, i have my gf. We dont talk much bc we’re both busy most days but i love her so much

Me and my gf have been together for almost a year. But honestly for the past few months shes been treating me like we’re just friends again.

It’s happened before and Ive talked to her about it but after that all our conversations just felt forced. Like she was just forcing herself to talk to me. I know she loves me and i love her but i feel like she’s not taking our relationship seriously.

She’s talked about getting married and whatnot but it genuinely feels like she’s only affectionate and talkative whenever she feels like it. Whenever we text its not the same like how we used to, the conversations are dry and boring and there’s no actual conversation going on.

I remember when we first started dating i couldn’t stop smiling and i was so happy that we finally got together but now it feels like we’ve just gotten used to each other and we’re just normal friends again.

Any advice?

A few years back, when I was in my second year of college at age 20, jarring—a college misunderstanding story—that still lingers in my mind, despite reassurances from friends and family that I wasn't at fault. During that year, I became friends with a freshman guy, age 19, who shared many of the same classes and extracurricular activities as I did. We clicked almost immediately and enjoyed casual chats and occasional lunch meet-ups with no hints of anything more, until one day when he asked me out. Given my zero experience in dating, I agreed, excited about the idea.

Surprisingly, he didn’t follow up on his invitation, and we continued to interact just as we had before. It wasn’t until many months later, at a basketball game in March, that things took an uncomfortable turn. He made a move to touch me inappropriately, which I didn't appreciate. I brushed him off and later on, when he tried again, I reacted strongly due to personal sensitivities and past traumas. Confused and upset by my reaction, he claimed he thought I was his girlfriend, to which I replied sharply and left.

Later that evening, realizing there had been a misunderstanding—that he had thought his asking me out meant we were officially an item—I sent him a message clarifying my stance and apologizing for the mix-up. He didn’t reply. Subsequent encounters were icy and awkward, and soon, I learned he had been spreading negative rumors about me.

Now, imagine if this whole ordeal was caught on a reality show? Undoubtedly, the drama would be magnified, potentially painting me in a very different light depending on the audience's perspective. The situation’s complexity mixed with public scrutiny might have twisted the perception of my actions, making the resolution even harder.

Thinking about it, should I handle this differently or was it just a misunderstanding gone wrong?

I recently celebrated my high school graduation, which should have been an incredible milestone. My mother, keen on commemorating the occasion, organized a party in June. However, my mom's side of the family, particularly her relationship with her sister, is quite strained. This tension has repeatedly placed me in the awkward position of being my mom's main source of emotional support during family gatherings.

At my party, instead of enjoying the event with friends and relishing the moment, I found myself embroiled in family drama. My mom constantly pulled me aside to comment on my aunt's demeanor, alleging she seemed "jealous" or "disinterested." This not only dampened the festive spirit for me but also kept me from fully engaging with friends and other guests. The joy of my graduation was overshadowed by an air of unease that my mom projected as she fretted over possible confrontations or remarks from her sister.

Looking ahead, another family function is on the horizon, and my mom has already set the expectation for me to be her emotional pillar once more. She reminded me, "You know how these things go, I need you there." This time, however, I decided to stand my ground. I expressed my unwillingness to partake in the ongoing drama between her and her sister, emphasizing my desire to enjoy such events without being caught in their longstanding feud. This did not sit well with her, and she accused me of being selfish and ungrateful, especially after the graduation party she hosted—which, ironically, she spoiled with her behavior.

Now, we're not really speaking, and to complicate matters, my aunt texted to advise me to be more lenient with my mom due to her emotional struggles. While I understand the complexities of their relationship and my mom's feelings, I am frustrated and exhausted from being placed consistently in the middle of their issues.

If my life were part of a reality show, viewers might be divided. Some might sympathize with my plight of being thrust into adult conflicts, while others might argue that familial loyalty should prevail, compelling me to support my mom despite the personal toll it could take. It's curious to consider where public opinion would lean and whether the heightened visibility would amplify the family drama or encourage quicker resolutions.

Am I wrong for refusing to serve as my mom's support in these family dynamics, despite her feeling abandoned by me, or is it reasonable to protect my own emotional well-being during such gatherings?

At 32 years old, I have a sister, Laura, who is 34 and has always dreamed of becoming a mother. Despite her longing, she never found the right partner with whom to start a family. After witnessing her struggle with loneliness and her ticking biological clock, I suggested she explore IVF to fulfill her dream of motherhood. I even helped her research clinics and understand the procedure, which she eventually decided to pursue enthusiastically.

Laura was financially stable enough to undergo IVF, but the cost meant she had to forego some luxuries and tighten her budget significantly. It took her four rounds of treatment, much to her distress, to finally conceive. Our entire family was overjoyed when she announced her pregnancy. However, the effort and resources it took were greater than she anticipated, and the expenses piled up higher than she initially expected.

While Laura manages to cover her day-to-day expenses, the financial strain of the treatments has left her in a precarious situation. Recently, she approached our family for financial assistance, given that maintaining her usual standard of living has become difficult. Our parents, now retired on a fixed income, expressed their inability to help substantially. Hence, she turned to me as her primary hope for financial support.

Just last week, Laura asked me for help financially. Having a wife and a newborn son of my own, and with plans to save up for a larger living space from our current one-bedroom condo, my financial priorities are tightly allocated. I expressed to Laura that, while I empathize with her, I am unable to support her financially.

Laura was devastated and labeled me as selfish, feeling betrayed given that it was originally my suggestion for her to go down the IVF route. Our parents also sided with her, dismayed by my refusal and reminding me of the importance of familial support. They criticized me for not standing by Laura when she was trying to achieve something I had encouraged. Despite my suggestion to offer other forms of support, such as daily dinners and the use of my economical electric car, Laura found these alternatives insufficient.

Balancing my immediate family’s needs and financial aspirations, I feel incredibly pressured and believe it is unjust to compromise our stability for personal decisions, even if they involve close family members. Still, the disagreement has led me to question whether I am being overly selfish.

Imagine if this scenario played out on a reality TV show. Cameras capturing every intense emotion and harsh words exchanged might sway public opinion heavily. Viewers might perceive me as cold and unsympathetic or see Laura’s demands as unreasonable. The dramatic unfolding of family conflict, underscored by financial pressures and moral dilemmas, could indeed make for compelling television but might skew the reality of our difficult situation.

I wonder, am I being unreasonable by prioritizing my nuclear family's financial health over my sister’s request for support?

ok so I think my sleeping problems might be getting worse

I've always, and I mean ALWAYS had trouble falling asleep at night.

But now, that problem has multiplied tenfold, and now I'm finding it hard to stay asleep if I manage to fall asleep, and then once I'm up, I'm up, there's no hope of going back to sleep.

Normally I'd ignore it and think it was normal, because trouble with sleep just is for me.

But it used to be that I'd go to bed at, like, 8:30 PM (EST) and fall asleep at like half past 10 PM (EST), but now it's I go to bed at 8:30, fall asleep at, like 1:00, wake back up at like 2:30 and am awake for the rest of the night.

Literally I can hardly focus as I'm typing this, autocorrect has been my best friend lol

but Im worried how it'll affect me in school, because I've never lost this much sleep over the span of three days.

its also affecting me getting to school in the morning, I've been more at risk of missing the bus lately because I just cant get out of bed. I try with my outfits in the morning, even when I'm tired, but tody I'm so freaking tired my outfit it a hoodie and leggings, and the leggings have a hole in the leg.

and on top of all this, I didn't see my best friend this morning and now i'm worried.

hi. im a highschooler (17F) who's going into her senior year in august.

i feel like my friends aren't really my friends. it's as if i keep trying over and over to be a good friend, to be there for them, but they never care to do the same. i'm alone. i could walk into a room full of 100 people at my school and still feel completely alone. there is nobody who notices me the moment i walk in, nobody who makes me feel seen. i feel like a ghost.

it's the worst feeling i've ever experienced. sometimes i consider doing something awful to myself. objectively, i have a good life. i'm fortunate enough to have a roof over my head, and i'm on the track to being accepted to one of the best art schools in the world. but i'm tired. i'm so, so tired.

is there anything i can do to stop this loneliness? thanks for reading.

I swear my father is the most useless human being on earth. All he does is lay around all day and demand shit from us. He doesn’t gave a job, he’s not retired he just doesn’t wanna work. Mind you i am one of 4 kids. FOUR KIDS. The youngest among us is 7 years old. The only income we get is from the government which, no surprise, it’s not enough. He’s genuinely so fucking useless.

He literally walked into my room while i was on call with a friend and demanded i go study. Yes i get that i have finals but i need a fucking break. All this bitch does is sleep 15 hours a day and wake up at ungodly hours to play his shitty game all night and go back to sleep. And when he’s awake he makes it everyone’s problem.

I wish i could runaway with my gf. We’ve been dating for almost a year now and i love her. Genuinely life would be so much better if i didnt have an old hag nagging me everyday about shit he cant even do himself

My biggest mistake was telling my very superstitious parents that I have Sleep paralysis. Now I'm not allowed to sleep alone. For context I'm 19 and share a room with my sister. It's a fairly big room and i don't mind sharing. But now my sister has decided that she will sleep in our parents room because it's closer to charging point. I want to sleep in my room because who would choose to sleep on thin mattress while a perfectly fine bed is right there in next room. I told my parents that I will sleep in my room and they refused. I don't know what kind of monster or evil spirits they think will attack me if I ever slept alone but the only thing i know is that I'm getting back pain from sleeping on floor and i want privacy atleast at night. I don't know what to do