Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I’m not really used to venting, but i don’t know what to do. I feel like i’m slowly drifting away from my friends both irl and online. Every time i sit with my friends at lunch in school i feel like im just sat there while they all laugh and have fun. Not to mention, i can never tell whether what they say is serious, passive aggressive or a joke. It’s even worse online because i can’t see their faces or hear their tone of voice. I don’t know what to do about it anymore- i just feel really rubbish about the whole thing. I’m too scared to ask about it though. It’s probably just a me problem but it sucks.

i have to admit, i sometimes find myself scrolling through porn sites, looking for something to kill time or just satisfy that curiosity. it’s not like i’m addicted or anything; i could go weeks without hitting that play button. but when i do, it makes me wonder if it’s bad for me? i mean, i can’t be the only one questioning this, right? 🤔 every time i watch something, i feel a bit guilty, like there’s this nagging voice in the back of my head, telling me it's a waste of time. is it lowering my standards for real-life intimacy, or is it just a normal thing to do for a dude my age?

most of what i see is so exaggerated and just plain ridiculous. these people look unreal, and it makes me think if i’m ever going to meet someone who’s got that kind of body or skills. i mean, do i have unrealistic expectations now? who knows? all those perfect angles and lighting make the whole thing seem so fake. yet, here i am, clicking on the thumbnails, falling into that same trap over and over. sometimes, after i’m done, i feel like i’ve wasted a good chunk of my evening, just staring at a screen when i could’ve been hanging out with my friends or playing video games. 🤦‍♂️

the whole industry seems messed up too, like there’s a lot of sketchy stuff happening behind the scenes. consent issues, exploitation, and all that nonsense. it’s kinda hard to enjoy something knowing that there could be some dark underbelly involved. should i be feeling guilty for watching? am i just supporting a system that thrives on all of that? it’s tough to reconcile the enjoyment of something that may have such a questionable ethical side. i guess i sometimes feel like a hypocrite, trying to digest content that could potentially harm someone else. ugh.

and let’s be real, when i compare it with actual physical connections with people, it’s a whole different ballgame. yeah, seeing hot stuff online is fun, but can’t match the thrill of actually being with someone. so, is it really worth it? it’s like, am i trading real experiences for something so artificial? what’s the point? at the end of the day, i think it might just boil down to personal choice. but honestly, i’m curious about what everyone else thinks. is porn bad or what? are we just using it as a coping mechanism or is there something deeper going on? let’s talk about it. 💭

"It's filthy disgusting

So ugly, I'm sure

I'm ugly, disgusting

And filthy for sure"

this lyrics reminds me of myself lol, like how come did i mastubrate wishing someone would rape me bc of how unloveable i am? im the youngest sibling, the loner, the ugly side character. i felt loved by the slightest affection, i felt chosen when i was sexually assaulted. i just wanted to feel loved. but since im not even half decent, i just know no one would date me, so i touch myself imagine it was someone else's just to feel loved. how pathetic.

This is gonna sound fucking dumb but I sometimes go online to make friends, people to chill out and... goon with. Its been something I do for years but you never get anyone truly long term, its all short term or you get ghosted. You get used to it. I recently met someone who was real good though. This person who would like all the same things I liked, we vibed well, we talked well. We'd talk all night sometimes. We found out we lived in the same state and might consider doing limited friendly things in the future. Now he blocked me. He blocked me because it turned out he'd rather goon with others and didnt actually care about me. I basically tricked myself really believing this person was different, they were special. Everything lined up, I mean everything lined up. I gave them a little bit of pushback, because they blew me off to hang with others this one time. At first I wasn't bothered by it but then they started to avoid me. I tried talking it out like adults, and they did talk with me. But after that they just fucking cut me out. I thought I did a good thing trying to speak my mind, not at all harshly or angry. Civil, no anger, not yelling, just a clean and honest talk. We established in our friendship to be open and honest. And yet I am rewarded with being dismissed once again proving my point all along. I don't want to be proven right, I wish I was wrong. I thought I made a good friend and I wish I did, over some dumb fucking gooning. Its so stupid. How, or where am I supposed to vent about that? I can't talk about something like that with anyone personally. Its... fucked up. I hate this, and I don't even think this site or whatever the fuck was even a good idea. But fuck it we ball I guess. Ugh. I should quit this stupid shit entirely.

Heyah👋🏻😄!!

I'm a short girly, and I was wondering if being short is a good thing when choosing a person to date🤔? I'm also 24, and I worry that my 4 foot 11 inch tall frame might make dudes think of me as a child🫠? I get the "you're super cute" instead of "you're super pretty/s*xy" sorta thing.

Also, because I'm super short my body proportions might seem a bit odd, as I have a size H bust... And that has confused a few of my male and female friends, cause I look like one of those anime characters who's child-like but has an "unrealistic" chest size🥴. They're real by the way, and I've always wanted size C or D, but..... Money😭💸!!

So, I'm asking the public... Anonymously, if my short stature, and front watermelons would turn people off🫠?

Struggling with family basically...

I hate being an elder daughter who's supposed to be the 'perfect' child.

I need to get the best grades, but it's tiring and exhausting now.

Nobody really tries to understand MY point of view.

My mother is too stubborn and strict. She gets mad and disappointed if I don't get the perfect marks. She pretends to be caring, but indirectly shows her disappointment in me. Worst of all, I can't vent to my friends because I don't want to burden them when they're dealing with their own problems.

Also, I need to be that role model for my younger sibling. I can't afford any mistakes.

I'm the child that my parents don't love. My younger sibling is the favorite. I love my little sibling, but I want the same love too. I just want my parents to be proud of me, for once. To tell me that my efforts are enough.

My family are big on surprises🥳!! But thanks for Amazons new policy... The private lists when shopping aren't there😱! So, let's say I wanna buy my cousin an F1(race car sport) T-shirt from Amazon as a surprise... He'd see what I bought thanks to Amazon getting rid of the anonymity of who's buy the item and what item is being bought😭!!

This s*cks man🫠!!

My dad’s 66th birthdayy is tomorrow and my siblings and I (4 total) were planning to go out to dinner with him tonight to celebrate. Growing up, we never went out to restaurant or even got take out. Once we hit our teens we didn’t even eat at the dinner table together or at the same time. Now we’re all grown, with me being the youngest (30) and we’re trying to do things together that we never did such as a family dinner.

My dad is notorious for catching an attitude leading up to a holiday or occasion. I’m talking birthdays, Christmas, ground hogs day, the last day to do taxes. If it’s in a calendar, he automatically catches a mood at least two days prior to the day and holds it.

Somehow I was placed in charge of arranging this dinner and I was told to invite my oldest brother (my mother’s first born) and his wife to the dinner. This was done prior to the attitude. Yesterday, I get the message from my sister that he’s In a mood and going on a mumbling rant about whatever and I would most likely want to cancel dinner. I didn’t, I held out to figure out what was going on.

Now here we are todayy, there’s animosity in the air, he locked up in a room all day not speaking to anyone. So I have to text my oldest brother that we’re cancelling. — But seriously. It’s embarrassing. I don’t want to tell my brother that we can’t have dinner because my dad doesn’t know how to act. Should we have gone without him??

Why do i feel attached to people who hurt me? So like, i have this friend, whom i considered one of my few close friend, i told him i was bi, he was fine with it, but after a yew years he suddenly just texted me smth like "i hate people who's being special on purpose" "if you weren't bi you would be more special" "instead of posting art why not focus on getting a scholarship", honestly this hurts me a lot, i blocked him but for some reason a part of me wants to unblock him and still text him- like i miss him but i hate him idkkkkk- i also made friends with someone, i liked them a lot even tho they told me how to hrm myslf and took pictures of me even tho i told them dont, which made me uncomfortable, so why did i feel so sad and lonely when they were gone?

Hey folks, I'm at a point where I need to share my curiosity and confusion about something quite peculiar... Can anxiety cause tingling in your body? 🤔😅 I've been experiencing these sporadic tingling sensations and it's kind of freaky, not gonna lie. Now, I'm not exactly the type to catastrophize every little symptom... but hey, better safe than sorry!

In all seriousness though, I've read articles that mention anxiety can manifest physically in strange ways. 'Mind over matter' they say, right? It's fascinating yet terrifying how our minds could potentially trigger such physical reactions. However, as optimistic as I like to be (thankfully), it would be reassuring to know if anyone has had similar experiences or insights. Maybe there's a logical explanation that could put my mind at ease? 🙂 Cheers for any input!

We dated for so long and i loved him so much and he loved me and we were absolutely perfect together he told me he’ll love me forever then decides to break up with me and it hurts so much watching him move on and love someone else and forget about me like what about me what about what we had was i not special to you how could you do this to me i just want you

I am tired about feeling like a failure.. I have done a mistake and I want to find amends to it.. But all I feel is I am tired I can't anymore..

My boyfriend feels hurt and I know I have hurt him but I don't know how to make amends. I know I am the worst person present.. I have let him down always.. I feel like I am the bad person in his life.. Somehow whatever happens I end up being the bad person.. I get angry I shout.. I don't know how to process anything.. I don't know how to go on.. I have made a decision to end my life right now.. I feel like I have no purpose and no motivation if things will be alright.. I have no hope left.. I can't change the situation nor myself and nothing is getting solved anymore.. So I have decided to die

yo, listen up, i'm just about fed up with this bullshit, man. i'm 25, right? good ol' quarter of a century and here i am, still living in my mom's basement. can't even get a damn job. fuck ai, bro. they keep saying how ai is the future and it's making our lives easier, blah, blah, blah. you know what? that's just a load of crap. i graduated, and all these companies are out here drooling over ai, replacing human workers like we're nothing. it's like, why even bother going to college, ya know? i'm racking up student loans, but for what? to be tossed aside by some piece of code? screw that.

i mean, let's be real here, ai is everywhere now. it's in our phones, in our homes, hell, it's even driving cars now! and while all these tech geeks are creaming their pants over it, folks like me can't catch a break. i apply for jobs left and right, scrolling through endless listings, and all i see is "experience with ai required," or "ai proficiency preferred." i ain't no tech wizard! i'm just a regular dude trying to get by. but no, all these companies want to invest in some shiny new robot that they don't even have to pay or give health benefits. yeah, real smart, isn't it? replacing real people with soulless, emotionless machines.

and don't even get me started on those automated recruitment processes. you think going through stacks of resumes would be a thing of the past. but nah, now i gotta deal with ai screening my application before it even hits a human's desk. yeah, that's right, good ol' mr. ai has decided i don't fit the criteria for half the jobs i apply for. excuse me, but how does a program with zero understanding of values, culture, or passion get to decide if i'm worthy of a job? i ain't saying i'm some kind of genius or anything, but damn, at least give a guy a fair shot. these algorithms they use are as biased as can be, and yet no one's calling them out. everyone's just nodding along like it's the new gospel or something.

what happened to the days when you could walk into an office, shake a hand, have a conversation, and get hired because they like you, they see potential in you? nah, now it's all about ticking the right boxes and having the right buzzwords on your resume. i get it, times are changing, gotta adapt and all that jazz, but it's no fun when you're left scrambling to keep up with this never-ending rat race. maybe i'll go back to school and get that "desired" ai proficiency or start networking with the right peeps, but damn, it feels like a losing battle sometimes. so, i ask you, reader, in this age of ai, where does a guy like me fit in?

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkk AI, fuuuuuck!!!!!!!

I swear, every day I walk into the office and feel like I’m just waiting to get exposed. Like someone’s gonna tap me on the shoulder and be like, “Hey, we figured it out—you actually don’t belong here.” And honestly? I’d just nod and say, “Yeah, I know.” Because that’s exactly how I feel. I’m a junior consultant in a huge, fast-moving company, and from the outside, it probably looks like I’m doing okay. But inside? I feel like I suck at everything. Every task I touch feels like a mess. Every presentation, every slide, every email I send—I triple check it, and I still feel like I’m doing it wrong. Everyone else looks so confident, so sharp and put-together, and I’m here Googling basic Excel formulas and hoping no one notices I’m not contributing anything meaningful in meetings.

What makes it worse is that I try. Like, I’m not slacking. I stay late sometimes, I take notes, I ask questions (even though I feel stupid every time I do), and I keep telling myself I’ll get better. But I don’t feel better. I feel like I’m falling behind. When I get feedback, it’s always polite, but it’s never great. Stuff like “make sure you think through the structure more” or “watch your attention to detail”—basically, “you’re not doing well enough.” And I get it! They’re not wrong. I’m constantly redoing things, missing stuff, asking for clarifications on things I should’ve understood. It’s embarrassing. I keep wondering if this job is just too much for me, like maybe I’m not cut out for it. Maybe I faked it through the interview and now the truth is showing.

Sometimes I think about quitting. Like, just walking away and saving myself the daily stress and anxiety of feeling like I’m disappointing everyone. But then I wonder, what would I even do instead? I worked so hard to get here. Years of school, internships, interviews, all that effort just to feel like I’m drowning in a sea of “you’re not enough.” And it’s not like I don’t care—I care too much, honestly. I overthink every assignment. I draft emails and then stare at them for ten minutes, rewriting the same sentence four times. And then I see someone else send a message in thirty seconds and it’s perfect. I can’t help but compare myself to everyone around me. I know I shouldn’t, but when everyone seems to be thriving and you’re the only one struggling to keep up, how do you not?

I talk to my friends outside of work and they tell me I’m being too hard on myself. That it’s just imposter syndrome. That everyone feels this way when they start out. And yeah, maybe they’re right, but that doesn’t change how it feels. It doesn’t change the panic I get when I’m asked to “own” a task, when in my head I’m screaming “please don’t give me that responsibility.” I want to be good at this. I want to feel confident. But right now I just feel small. Like a mistake. Like a bad hire. It’s exhausting carrying this weight of not being good enough day after day, especially when you have to pretend like everything’s fine because everyone around you seems so capable and strong.

I don’t know what the answer is. I don’t know how to stop feeling like I suck at everything. Maybe I need more time, maybe I need to fail a few more times to really learn. Or maybe I need to find something that fits me better, something that doesn’t make me feel so incompetent all the time. But until then, I guess I’ll just keep showing up, trying again, even if I’m convinced I’ll mess it up. Because I don’t know what else to do. And maybe, just maybe, one day I’ll wake up and feel like I’m actually okay at something. Or at least not terrible. I’d settle for that.

Growing up, my sister Emily and I lived in a quaint little town which never quite felt like home to me. Eventually, the stifling atmosphere became too much, and I made my move to Chicago, where I found a vibrant, 24-hour city that accommodated both my lifestyle and my needs as a person with a disability.

A while back, in the midst of my apartment lease, I decided to purchase a home, settling on an 800-square-foot bungalow in a delightful neighborhood. It was move-in ready and cost me $220,000. By comparison, Emily bought a larger, 2,400-square-foot home that was 20 years old in our old town for just $170,000 last year. In our hometown, a place like mine might fetch about $80,000 tops. There's really no comparison in market dynamics between here and there.

Emily visited just yesterday to check out my new digs for the first time. She's always been a bit wary of Chicago's reputation and seemed underwhelmed by my bungalow, despite her prior admiration of the photos. She referred to it as just a "good starter home," though I intend it to be my forever home. Upon hearing what I paid for it, she quipped that she spent $50,000 less for a newer, larger home. I shrugged it off, expressing that for me, the value lies in the lifestyle and opportunities my new location affords, which seemed to strike a nerve with her. She accused me of looking down on our hometown and suggesting I was acting superior. I tried to smooth things over by suggesting we grab some food nearby, but she opted to leave instead, requesting gas money for what she felt was a wasted trip. I refused, standing my ground that she chose to leave early, which only heated the argument more until she stormed out, calling me a jerk changed by the big city life.

Honestly, it baffles me — this whole situation leaves me questioning who's really at fault in this sibling squabble, considering neither of us likes dragging relatives into our disputes. Yet, Emily has been airing the situation to her friends, painting me as the antagonist.

Imagine this scenario playing out in the full glare of a reality TV show. The tension and drama would certainly draw viewers in, projecting our private family matter onto a national stage. How would the audience react to such a raw and real-life familial conflict where the subtleties of personal values and life choices are laid bare? Would they sympathize with my pursuit of a fulfilling city life, or see me as dismissive of my roots? The scrutiny and perhaps the judgment of the public could add an overwhelming pressure to both our actions and decisions.