Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

The whole situation feels straight out of a bizarre drama. To set the frame right: I am openly gay, having come out when I was 16. My parents were accepting, yet they insisted I keep this a secret from my older brother, who I’ll call Dean. They mentioned that Dean held some rather harsh views about homosexuals, which put me on guard. We drifted further apart when I moved for university at 18, and honestly, we hardly ever talked.

Fast forward to the present, life’s been pretty good. I landed a respectable job in our hometown and I’m sharing a lovely life with my boyfriend, Max. Our harmony was disrupted abruptly a few days ago by an unexpected call from Dean. Given our distant relationship, I feared it might be an emergency.

Dean started the call gruffly and went straight to the point – he was getting married to his fiancée, Yen, next year. This was news to me, not even knowing he was seeing someone. I kept the conversation light, congratulated him, and discussed trivial wedding details. When he mentioned that the wedding invites would be sent soon and that I could bring a plus-one, I casually mentioned I would bring Max along. This triggered Dean; he lost his temper and bombarded me with offensive slurs, making it crystal clear he didn’t want my boyfriend at his wedding. Shocked and hurt, I ended the call without uttering another word.

I informed Max about the incident, and he was incredibly supportive, distracting me with a cozy evening that helped me unwind. The next day, I texted my parents about the incident, then headed to work. I was oblivious to the chaos that was brewing back home.

By the end of my shift, my phone was inundated with messages and missed calls from puzzled relatives and my parents, demanding an explanation. I recounted the ordeal to my parents later, who shockingly suggested that I should apologize to Dean for “forcing my lifestyle at his wedding.” The absurdity! I defended my stance but ended up receiving a barrage of messages from relatives, pressuring me to make amends with Dean and my parents. Despite all this, Max reassures me that I’ve done nothing wrong, yet I can’t shake off the feeling of unease.

Now, imagine if this scene unfolded on a reality TV show. Cameras rolling as family dynamics and personal beliefs clash dramatically. The element of a divided family grappling with acceptance and the revelation of private issues in such a public format would certainly draw reactions ranging from shock to support. Viewers might be torn between choosing sides or might become emotionally invested in advocating for acceptance and equality. Reality TV thrives on such conflicts, and my story could have easily been a pivotal, teachable moment.

Am I wrong for being upset over the family reaction?

Over the past few years, I've been the owner of a piece of land in a semi-rural community, which is governed by a Homeowners Association (HOA). This HOA consists of barely a dozen homes spread across an expansive 1000 acres, allowing us quite a bit of privacy from one another. Alongside my property lies a shared space that's home to what we've informally termed a "pond," although it's much more of a headache than anything picturesque.

The pond is replenished by a creek that ventures through my land via an irrigation headgate and a small channel. After the neighbor who previously tended to the pond passed away, managing this inconvenient body of water became my responsibility—most notably because it directly impacts my property. This has turned into a full-time nuisance, handling everything from unauthorized visitors fishing or letting their dogs swim, to outsiders trying to ice-skate on its unstable surfaces.

More troubles piled on when a beaver set up camp, frequently blocking the pond’s drainage and flooding adjacent farmland. Needless to say, the affected farmer was not pleased, and I ended up facing the backlash. Even though the HOA includes several other members, none stepped forward to assist with these relentless issues. After some digging of my own into legal documents and rights, I discovered that not only did the water rights for the headgate belong solely to me, but the pond and the irrigation channel weren't part of the common area at all—they were on my land.

To add to this revelation, I found out that the pond wasn’t naturally occurring but was instead a dug-out pit created for road fill by the initial developer, who then rerouted the irrigation to fashion what only resembled a pond. This backstory explained the constant maintenance headaches.

Recently, a landowner living a mile off mentioned he was constructing an actual pond and the excess soil from the excavation would cost him a hefty fee to dispose of. Seeing an opportunity, I proposed he dump his clean fill in my ersatz pond. With this arrangement benefitting us both, I proceeded to close the headgate and began draining the troubling pond. Despite the fact that I finally had a solution at hand, some in the HOA protested, claiming they enjoyed the aesthetic value of the water body. In response, I presented them with a simple choice: contribute $10,000 annually for its upkeep or allow me to fill it in and restore the area with native grasses, funded by the incoming fill payments.

Their refusal accompanied by a volley of insults left me bewildered—how can one deem me selfish when actively opting not to shoulder any of the burdens or costs I've been handling alone?

If this ongoing dispute were part of a reality show, imagine the drama and twists! Viewers would likely be hooked, seeing both the daily challenges of managing the property and the intense confrontations at HOA meetings. It would stir up debates on property rights, community responsibility, and the lengths one might go to protect their peace. Would the audience side with me, or see me as the villain in the story?

I took a nap earlier that was an unintentional 9 hours. During that entire time, not a single one of my friends messaged me to check in on me or strike up any conversations. It felt like that once I stopped putting in the effort for a little while, no one actually gave a shit about me. It feels that once I stop trying, I cease to exist in their memories. My one friend is putting more effort into their polycule lately and it feels like because of that they don't care to message me at all until it's late in the evening and the only thing they're messaging me for is to say goodnight and make empty promises to talk to me more in the morning. They're allowed to be happy, I'm happy they are- but what about our friendship? It feels selfish to ask that, feels selfish to want them to stop paying attention to them for more than five minutes to talk to me again. Hell the only time they talk to me like they used to anymore is if one of their wife does something that severely upsets them.

I’m pathetic. I’m 26 and I’m so attached to my mum. She is the only person in the world who truely understands me and who I can talk to about anything. She didn’t ask to have a daughter who’s so broken that she can’t do anything independently. I’m such a burden on her. I wish I had someone else to talk to so she doesn’t have to be burdened by it all. It’s not fair on her. I know she loves me but it’s not her job to fix her broken full grown daughter. Honestly I wish I could keep it all inside so I don’t bother anyone but it’s too much. I’ve wasted my life being depressed and now I’m too far gone. I’m so alone. I’ve dug myself into a hole that I can’t get out of.

ever had one of those holiday flings that just knocked you on your ass???? well, that was me this summer. spent almost a month with this guy and damn, those were some of the best days of my life!!! first real love, you know??? now i'm back home and honestly, it feels like i'm missing a part of myself. it’s been 4 months and i can’t shake him off my mind. 🤷‍♀️

back then, everything was freaking perfect. sun, sea, and him—the trifecta!!!!!! we did all the typical touristy crap, but somehow, it never felt cliché, just magical. every night we'd hit up the beach, talk about shit, and it was like our souls were vibing, ya know? or maybe it was just the cocktails talking, hell if i know!!! one night, i swear, he said he loved me. and i believed it. god, was i naive for buying that??? but in the moment, i didn't give a damn. 😏💔

now back home, drowning in real life bullshit. college sucks, friends are the same old buzzkills, and doesn't help when all i think about is him. texting is alright, but it's sooooo different than hanging out. 🙄 long-distance blows. what’s the point?????? can’t help but wonder if he even misses me or moved on. was it all just a sick joke???? but if it was, why was it so damn sweet????

everyone says move on, "there's more fish in the sea," right???? i'm not buying that crap right now. it’s annoying how everyone pretends to know better. like, maybe I want to hold on to this pain a bit more, learn from it, i guess. love is a goddamn emotional rollercoaster. anyone else ride this hellish ride too???? honestly, i just want to scream and maybe slap some sense into myself. but hey, life goes on, yeah???? just wished he was still in it...

i'm sitting here at my desk, staring at the blank document on my screen, wondering, am i really losing my edge? am i depressed or just lazy? it's baffling to me how, year after year, i've noticed this creeping loss of motivation at work, and the worst part? i can't pinpoint why!! for a 31-year-old guy working in IT, motivation is supposed to be my fuel, but for some reason, it feels like i've been running on fumes. i used to innovate, execute tasks with precision, and thrive in problem-solving scenarios. but now... it's like my engine's stalled and i can't find the damn key! why is that???

is it just age? i can't deny, as a male growing older, perhaps there are societal expectations that weigh heavily on my shoulders, but still, that shouldn't kill my drive... should it? my workflow has become such a mess. i manage to perform the minimal viable operations — barely making deadlines, ticking off tasks like a robot on autopilot. it's such a grind, and i find myself asking, what's the point? where'd my thirst for success in this industry go? is this some kind of existential problem?? i'm getting tired of hearing myself think all these "whys" without answers! getting ported from one project to another doesn't help either — continuity's dead in my professional life. but, truth be told, it's not external forces dampening my spirit; it's something internal.

could it be that i've hit a saturation point? is this how burnout feels? maybe i just need a break. stepping back might offer fresh perspectives, but i feel guilty! guilty for not being 100%... this loop's annoying — when i slack, i feel awful, but when i hustle, motivation peaces out. hell, it's a frigging paradox!!! is this common? do other people feel this tug-of-war? i think back to when i started in this field, enthusiasm sky-high. pipelines, coding, debugging — all were thrilling challenges. but now, they feel mundane. i'm not trying to be dramatic or entitled, i'm genuinely perplexed, questioning my state of mind. or perhaps industry's changes have left me jaded without realizing???

the worst part is, i'm caught in this limbo of indecisiveness. will making a drastic change fix things, or is it something i need to address internally first? therapy's crossed my mind, but am i ready to say i'm depressed? what if i'm really just a lazy bum??? but then, when i'm not working, this sense of guilt eats me alive. it's not like i hate my job — i still find aspects engaging, but the drive's disappeared. isn't that crazy?? people say, follow your passion, but what do you do when one's passion dwindles?? it's not encourage that i lack — colleagues and bosses have been supportive! it's like having all the resources with zero desire to utilize them.

this is the part where i'm supposed to figure it all out and give a massive, life-changing revelation. sorry to disappoint, but truth is, i'm still clueless!! am i depressed, lazy, or in need of a career pivot? can't tell. i'll keep pondering, trudging through, hoping answers will come eventually. for now, venting's all i got. meanwhile, i'll keep asking, do others deal with this crap too?? or am i an anomaly? would be interesting to know... let me know if you've been in a similar boat... and how the hell you managed to sail out of it! 🤔

I’ve always been the type to keep my head down and focus on my goals. I’m 21, in my third year of engineering school, and everything I do, every choice I make, is with my future in mind. I’ve sacrificed a lot to get here—late nights, weekends, even my social life. So when I met her, I thought maybe I finally found someone who could make all this stress a little easier to carry. She was fun, spontaneous, full of energy. The opposite of me in a lot of ways, but I liked that. She made me laugh, pulled me out of my shell, reminded me what it felt like to live a little. At first, it was amazing. I felt like we balanced each other out. I’d be buried in assignments, and she’d bring over takeout and just chill with me, no pressure. But things started shifting. The parties became constant. The calls stopped. The texts were shorter. And eventually, the rumors started.

At first I didn’t believe them. I didn’t want to. People talk, right? Especially in college. I told myself they were just jealous, or didn’t know what they were talking about. But then I started noticing things—Snapchats from clubs she said she wasn’t going to, random guys commenting stuff that didn’t sit right, her suddenly not answering for hours when she used to be glued to her phone. And yeah, I finally asked. She denied it, of course. Said I was being paranoid, that I didn’t trust her. And I felt guilty for even bringing it up. But then I saw it with my own eyes. Twice. Two different guys. And still she acted like I was overreacting. "It didn’t mean anything," she said. "I was drunk, it was a mistake." But it wasn’t a mistake if it happened more than once. It wasn’t an accident. It was a choice. And I can’t lie—it broke something in me.

The thing is, I know I should leave. Everyone tells me to. My friends are fed up with watching me go through this cycle of betrayal and fake apologies. But I haven’t. Not yet. I wish I could explain why. Maybe it's because I'm scared to be alone. I spent so much time focused on school that she became my only real escape. My only comfort. And now, even with all the lies, part of me still wants her to care. Still wants her to be who she was at the beginning. I keep holding on to the memory of that girl, even though I know she’s not coming back. And it makes me feel weak, honestly. Like I’m not the guy I thought I was. I always prided myself on being strong, being focused, having self-respect. But here I am, stuck in this mess, not knowing how to let go of someone who clearly doesn't value me. I'm torn between not wanting to be alone and not being able to accept the idea of staying with someone who could hurt me like that. I don’t know how to fix it, or if I even should. All I know is I’m tired. Tired of pretending I’m fine. Tired of the lies. Tired of loving someone who doesn’t love me back the right way.

One of my closest friends, also 27, is tying the knot later this year. She asked me to be her bridesmaid towards the end of the previous year, and I was thrilled to accept, though I did not anticipate the demands that would come with this role.

She scheduled her bachelorette bash over a holiday weekend in Nashville, resulting in higher costs due to surge pricing. Here's a breakdown of the expenses we faced for that event:

- Flight: $500

- Accommodation: $350

- Themed outfits: $100

- Meals and drinks: $200

- Gift for the bride: $50

When I saw these figures, I regretfully informed the bride that I couldn't afford to participate in the bachelorette party. This decision met with some disappointment from her side, but my finances simply didn’t allow for such expenditures.

Now, as the wedding approaches, there’s a new list of expenses each bridesmaid must cover:

- Bridesmaid dress: $180

- Professional hair and makeup: $230

- Professional manicure: $120

- Hotel for the wedding night: $400

- Shoes: $60

- Flight to the wedding venue: $360

With these costs piling up, I find myself at a crossroads. The standards set by my friend seem excessively high. Furthermore, her recent email outlining the costs for our outfits and beauty services carried a tone suggesting we should prioritize her needs, which left me frustrated. I'm torn between feeling like a frugal friend and an exploited one. Additionally, two other bridesmaids have confided in me, expressing their own concerns regarding the expenses.

Honestly, how would this situation play out if it were part of a reality show? Would viewers sympathize with the financial strain we bridesmaids are facing, or would they criticize us for not fully committing to our friend’s special day? It seems as though the drama surrounding this could very well turn into prime reality TV material, sparking debates about the real costs of being a part of a wedding party.

I'm truly uncertain about how to address these mounting concerns without causing a rift. Any advice would certainly be appreciated.

This is it. This is the time where I become quiet, sensitive, non-verbal. This entire week has been shit. The amount of things I’ve been called, “Things I’ve been called/and/or/talked about or have over heard.

Fat lesbian

Annoying

Uncomfortable

Loud

Bitchy

Gay

Weirdo

“I fucking hate your personality.”

“I’d rather turn my wrist into a waterfall then talk to you”

“It’s not that serious”

“Why do you even care?”

“I would never order a whole pizza for myself.”

“What did you say? I wasn’t listening.”

“Oh her? Yea she’s a fucking fat lesbian.”

“Go ask her out! It’ll be funny.”

“Oh shut up I know you’re lying.”

”

Is what I just got done typing out. In ONE. ONE WEEK. Ive been called or said all of this to or about. My boyfriend is now ignoring me. Putting all of his things on me. He has no idea what’s going on and he’s been very triggering towards me. He said less then 10 minutes ago, “I’d rather sleep then make my wrists waterfalls.” And I told him that he can just go back to sleep and that he was being very triggering and then he got mad at me. I love him so so so much. I have no friends. Not a single one, I just sent this to my therapist “ I’m feeling really suicidal and I’m just finding more and more stuff out and it’s just making it so much worse. I’ve been crying all week and no one to talk to. I’m scared to go to school, I’m scared of confrontation, im scared of looking people in the eyes in the hallway, I’m trying so hard. Way too hard. I’m slowly starting to go non-verbal and I haven’t said a word to anyone since Thursday. I’m pushing everyone out because I’m afraid to annoy them or be too much, my personality has completely changed and now even Lenny’s talking about me, I feel like no one really likes me and I’m freaking out every time I’m in a class with people I know for sure don’t like me and I start going non verbal and I have been skipping class because I know no one in there likes me in the slightest bit and I’ve been skipping classes because of people in there, when I lost my earbud on Thursday I started hyperventilating and I had a panic attack because I couldn’t listen to music. I’m turning my personality completely around and I can’t stand it. I live for talking, if I could I would talk to a deaf person in sign language just to talk some more. I only ever remember me being a sweet, kind, caring, talkitive girl. I thought I was pretty, I thought I would be liked. I completely changed everything just to be liked and it all was lost. All of my achievements are gone and I have to restart. I can’t think of any other way to dress, to wear makeup, how to talk, what words to use, what slag to use I have no idea how.i want to go back to my 5th grade self when literally everyone liked me and knew who I was and loved me. I don’t even have my own small group of friends anymore.”

I’m not living for anyone now. Not even for myself. I’m a walking corpse and I can’t do anything right. I’m just here. Always in the way. I can’t do this anymore and I have no idea what to do. I wanna go online school but my parents said no. I can’t live without someone to talk to. But if I have to. I will. For everyone else’s sake.

It sounds hardless. But my uncle is a fatshamer who says I'm ugly because I'm overweight. My grandma has lost her marbles and also talks about me being overweight. My other grandma is a nymphomaniac who makes me hella uncomfortable. The other uncles basically doesn't exist and the one I got along with really well died in front of me...and my parents are...Well...debatable. They want me to pay 400 in rent and that was fine when I earned 1800 by working 6 days a week for 8 hours a day (I'm on minimum wage) now with uni They cut my hours. I pay for everything myself and I pay for my little brother's stuff. I cannot afford 400 in rent. And they just said "stop buying things" and I'm like...I go out twice a week for coffee. That is it. The rest is spent on THEIR son. I cannot afford to move out because I have no secure job nor hours. But yet I'm the villain. And I have "no problems in life". I go to work where I'm being mistreated just to be used, judged and still be broke.

I was so young at the time we dated I was only 12 when we dated. He was 16 at the time and God it was awful..looking back into that I was in a awful relationship. I'm now 16 and I regret everything I was ruined like I became so obsessive and it hurt me so bad I tried to harm myself. he was nice sometimes but he was my first love and I thought it was so real even if it was online. I dated him for maybe until I was 13 and through those years he tried to commit in front of me on call and even stabbed his side of his waist and made me watch him bleed until he finally went to the hospital. he told me it was okay to do things on camera and to make myself bleed and sick. he cheated on me and would buy me things and make me feel so hurt inside. once my parents found out and made me leave all socials and stop talking but of course I found my way back to him when I was 14 and dated him until I was 15 and a half but it was too late. it was weird that day I spoke to him he was all happy and was saying all different things than what he normally said, he lived close to me state wise so he also mentioned he was finally going to let go and see me if I followed his footsteps and I was so confused. that same week I was shattered because it was just all over at the age of 15 I was getting calls from his family saying he was dead and a call from the police apologizing. I was completely ruined and heartbroken but now that I look back on it I shouldve never gotten with him over and over but I was young.

(DISCLAMER I DONT MAKE SENSE BUT I AM JUST RAMBALING)

so yesterday I "adopted" my friend Will (yk how like friends do that it's funny) and today I was talking to Katy and I mentioned how i'd adopted Will and I gave Katy a headpat and said, "you're [will's real name]'s sister now" and she said "no I wanna be the other parent"

and I thought she was saying it in like a way like as like a friend thing, like the whole friendly adoption thing, you know like platonic. so I was like "is that what you mean" and she said no, like actually

my brain kinda short circuited and I still thought she meant in a platonic way but now that my brain is fine I'm like- WHAT

so idk what the hell just happened

help?

so, the other day, my kids hit me with that classic line again: “dad, you’re overreacting!” honestly, it feels like a universal law in our household now. a simple mishap, like forgetting to take out the trash? suddenly, it's World War III in my living room. I swear, it’s like my reaction is some overblown sitcom scene, where I’m dramatic for no reason. I try to be chill, but something in me just snaps when I see their mess and the trash piling up. I mean, who wants to live in a pigsty, right?

last week, for example, I caught my youngest trying to microwave a sandwich. I’ll be straight-up with you, the thought of him making that decision just got my dad senses tingling. like, isn’t that a recipe for disaster? those moments when I see their creativity with food just make my heart race. I yelled out, “are you trying to give yourself food poisoning?” I heard the groans as soon as I caught that sparkle of enthusiasm in his eyes—"dad, calm down, it’s just a sandwich!" but seriously, what if it gets burnt? or worse, they try to cook one of those fancy burnt cheese things; it’s like playing with fire! I need them to understand that safety first; it’s about survival too.

then there’s the time they thought it was a good idea to ride their bikes down that steep hill at the park. I mean, come on! the thought of them flying into traffic gave me heart palpitations. I yelled something like, “you’ll break a bone or worse!” and they rolled their eyes at me like I’m living in a different era. it’s almost like they think their dad is just an overly cautious, ridiculous figure to bicker with. I just want to protect them, I swear it’s not just me being dramatic. there’s a fine line between adventure and stupidity, right? how does anyone know where that line is when you have kids who think they're invincible?

one evening, we were watching a movie, and there was a jump scare that made me spill my popcorn everywhere. I went off on a mini-rant, like, “why do filmmakers feel the need to jolt us like that?” my kids laughed, of course. “dad, chill out! it’s just a movie!” it’s like I became the punchline in their comedy show. I’ll admit, I can tend to get a little carried away. yet, how can I not when it feels like everyone around me is playing games with my heart rate? still, I sometimes wonder if I really am overreacting; maybe I should loosen up a bit.

truthfully, I think there’s a straight-up imbalance between their carefree nature and my protective instincts. I want them to explore and be free, but man, do I sometimes feel like a sitcom dad on the verge of a nervous breakdown. am I really overreacting, or do I just have an overabundance of caution that keeps shocking them? I thought being a parent would come with a manual or something. every day is this unique challenge, and I really gotta ask myself—what's wrong with them acting like my reactions are just part of their teenage amusement? it’s a real conundrum; should I embrace the chaos or keep pushing back, expecting them to listen?

OK so back in july i was talking to this boy named apple ok and me and him started talking after me and this boy named cookie broke up like 3 weeks ago at that time. SO we were in a talking stage for like a month but it was on and off bc i got grounded. But at the fair when i was hanging out with these 2 girls i saw him at the fair and i didn't recgonize him until like 2 days aftre l But when i got ungrounded we did IT and unfortunatley my mom found out and she blocked him without yk me knowing until like 5 days later. Fast forward like 4 months later after me and this boy lets call cactus broke up apple added me on snap on thanksgiving day saying happy thanksgiving and i was like "y did u add me?" and apple was like "ïdek how i added u im js drunk rn" So a week later my friend lets call her red head she showed me the ss of apple saying he wants a round 2 with me. but reminder he has a gf moving forward i asked him if it was true and at first apple was like no comment denying it and then he said yes. So that day i got his number and we talked. But the next day we did IT. But before we did It i was like "wouldnt it be cheating like she loves u like really loves you" and apple was like " ït wont be cheating if she doesnt see or find out" Just to be clear i knew his gf lets call her bunny back in janurary bc she followed me on tik tok first and she used to be close bsfs with my cousin before she moved schools. So apple would like talk bad ab bunny to me on call and when he was arguing with bunny over text when he was on call with me and he told me that they were arguing bc of the ss that my friend red head told and showed bunny. And apple was like gaslighting bunny and was like saying that red head edited the ss and that bunny was delusional. So 3 weeks later i texted bunny lettiing her know what happened before she finds out by some1 else and just to be a girls girls and she decided to be VERY DELUSIONAL and called me weird and dumb even tho shes still with him. Bunny was like "It doesn't matter if it was his idea you still went to his house" Like girl what??!! but they are still together. now So im gonna crash out bc apple gaslighted her again EVEN THO HE SAID THAT HE DIDN'T EVEN WANT HER AND COULDN'T BREAK UP WITH HER BC OF HER OLDER BROTHER AND HIS GRANDMA, But the thing is after me and cactus broke up apple and cactus were friends AND WAS HANGING OUT BRO THEY BOTH WORK AT APPLESBEES 2. But they are opps now so idek. ALSO APPLE LITERALLY VENTED TO ME AB HIS WHOLE BACKSTORY LIFE AND HIS DAD WHAT??! Btw apple wanted a round 2 with me bc he found out bunny (his gf) was talking to her ex again apparantley and when he confronted her she lied to his face. But he also told me that he was lowkey thinkin ab a round 2 when me and cactus was dating.

Hello,

I am currently in university and I am so fucking tired of this shit. My hobbies don’t feel like hobbies; they aren’t fun because I always compare myself to others and wish I was better. I can’t stop comparing myself to others, I am plagued by my past mistakes and actions that I have done. It’s an endless struggle of self worth and image.

For reference, I got diagnosed with autism this semester, and a lot of struggles that I faced make a lot of sense. I struggle with rage and meltdowns, and a lot of apathy. There are times where I wonder if doing anything is worth it. I want to be creative but I get burnt out so easily and won’t do anything creative for months. It’s horrible.

My self image is at rock bottom. I can’t help but worry about what I eat, and how many calories it is. I constantly worry about being fat. For context, I have never been skinny but I have never been fat either. I powerlift now and am pretty buff (I like looking masculine because I am afab nonbinary). But I still can’t help but body check and wish that I was more lean so that my muscles would be more defined. I hate, hate my body, and I hate my breasts. They aren’t that big, maybe a B, but I fucking hate them so fucking much.

People say that exercising helps with mental health. I’ve been an athlete my whole life and it seems like every year my mental health just gets worse.

And I feel so fucking ungrateful for everything. I feel like a brat because I should appreciate this life that I have been granted, but my brain pretty much only focuses on the negative.

I guess I just want to know if there is any way to relieve this pain, this emptiness that I feel when I am driving home after a long day and I want to cry but I can’t. Or if it just gets worse after university.