Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

As the youngest in my family, I've always had a unique spot, especially when it came to my name. Unlike my siblings whose names were chosen out of tradition to honor other family members, my parents took a bold step with me. They decided to break from tradition and named me Sunny after something they genuinely liked rather than adhering to familial expectations.

Growing up, my name was a symbol of my parents’ free spirit and desire to do things their way. However, when I hit around 10 years old, I noticed a change in their attitude. They started occasionally calling me by my middle name, which felt odd, and I expressed my preference for my given name, Sunny. By my teenage years, I could sense their growing regret over their choice, yet I remained attached to my name.

Last year, they mentioned how some teenagers opt to change their names before finishing high school, aiming for something that might sound more mature. This was apparently meant to avoid future costs related to updating official documents like diplomas. Their hints became more direct over time; they suggested alternatives like James, nicknamed Jamie, and even Luke, but none resonated with me.

In June, the discussions took a more serious turn when they proposed a legal name change. They expressed guilt over giving me a name that was meant originally as an act of defiance against their families. They worried it appeared too whimsical for a man stepping into adulthood. Despite their concerns, I defended my name, appreciating its cheerful and hopeful essence, but they couldn’t shake their regret. Just last week, they came to me with official papers and a few selected names, urging me to make a choice. I stood my ground, valuing my attachment to my name over their change of heart, even though they pressed me to consider the practicalities of my future.

Am I wrong for wanting to keep the name I've cherished all my life?

Imagine if this situation unfolded on a reality TV show, where private family dynamics are suddenly thrust under the glaring spotlight of public opinion. The intensity of family pressure versus personal identity would be magnified, possibly leading to a heated and emotional episode. Viewers might be split, with some empathizing with my desire to retain my individuality and others siding with my parents’ concerns about practicality and maturity. The drama, no doubt, would add another layer to the already challenging situation, making it not just a personal but a broadly judged spectacle.

It's clear to me that climate change is a genuine issue impacting many around the world. However, I must admit I'm not particularly moved to take action myself. Frankly, the concerns closest to home are what matter most to me. It may sound harsh, but I suspect that's the reality for most people. Why should I disrupt my routine for global issues that don’t seem to impact my immediate environment?

Honestly, I've got my plate full already.

The way I see it, each person values their problems higher than others', and calling someone selfish for focusing on their own life seems unjust to me. Those pointing fingers are often no different; it’s natural to prioritize personal challenges over wider societal issues that might not feel as pressing.

Moreover, changing the course of global issues like climate change should be handled by government policies, not just individual efforts. It's unrealistic to expect one person’s actions to make a significant dent in such a massive problem.

Imagine if I were on a reality show spouting these opinions—how would the audience react? I'd probably be branded the villain of the season, the self-centered contestant with a disinterest in pressing global issues. Viewers might criticize my lack of commitment to environmental causes, leading to heated debates about personal responsibility versus government intervention in social media comments and discussion panels.

idk. I just feel kind of, no not kind of, very alone. I have a friend in one of my classes. I have lunch with two of my "friends," but one won't talk to me and the two of them are dating. I guess I can talk to my cousin at lunch, but he isn't in any of my classes. Kanna is a senior, I could only possibly see her during MB, but even then she's in colourguard and I don't see her. I haven't seen Barley all day, nor have I seen Ella.

That's not all that's going on. I enjoy writing stories, but I have an upsetting lack of inspiration at the moment. It effects my music writing too. Those two things are the only things I'm really good at, and if I'm bad at the only thing I'm good at... well, think Caine from TADC Episode 3, when Zooble told him his adventures sucked.

I just can't help but wonder: What happened? To me, mostly. When did I become... this? When did I become such an asshole to everyone? when did I get so bad at making and keeping friends? What happened to me? Why don't I change like everyone else? Why am I not pretty like everyone else? why am I so lonely, when everyone else has someone to talk to? I value all my connections and friendships, but what if there's no connections or friendships left for me to value? Why am I never enough, no matter how hard I try? I told myself this year that, if I were pretty, people would finally like me. So I got new makeup, I changed my clothes, got a new haircut but still I'm hated. Still no one talks to me. What's even the point of trying?

When i was 5 we moved out to a cottage shared by 4 families ( we were friends and yes, there were 4 dif houses) me and those kids had such a grat bond, like when i fought with my mom i would go to their house and stuff. well some years later my dog died and they were the ones to help me out with that as well. After some time, our parents had a fight so we had to move out, so we couldn't speak, after a month it was my birthday and i invited that family at my party . turns out that my mom never actually send the invitation... when i found out i imidiately called the youngest friom the family wich i had the closest bond with and spoke to her .. i couldn't stop crying on this cal... and then after MUCH begging she came over at mine, that was the best day of my life... let's say now we went to church with my school and her school was there too. i asked my teacher with tears in my eyes if i could go say hi and she said no.. then she asked hers and se said yes.. when she came to hug me i started crying and the hole church was looking at me but i really didn't care at all and that is probably going to be the last time i ever see her..

My parents are good people but it’s just that I can’t feel that spark of familiarity with them even though they are my biological parents. And I just don’t know what to do

these days i felt alone and i feel like im the worst friend ever. im sure this problem can be settled asap if i choose to dm each of them and ask personally but im too scared.. also, this kind of thing happened before. you can say im quite tired when im always the first one to reach everyone and they cant do the same for me. idk how to tell my stories but it is actually stupid but im sad when i realized none of them choose to comfort me when everyone literally throwing hate on me and even called me ugly. idk if i should cut off with them or try to dm them when ive been hurting many times :(

And wish it'd been an actual bicycle instead. I'm a bisexual man living in an authoritarian homophobic country. A few years ago I experienced a heart-shattering breakup, as my only soulmate and only physical relationship I've had (a girl) left me over something stupid I did (got expelled from university and hid it from her; it was more the broken trust aspect of it to her than anything). I hadn't been a very happy man before that either. All my life I've felt isolated and alienated, being bisexual, overly sensitive, overweight, nerdy, introverted, and teetotal. I grew a thick shell around me to silence my inner child/core being and reduce the sensitiveness, and it worked. But it turned out that love brings it all back out, the good and the bad.

My soulmate was the only person I've ever felt a deep connection to, who felt like someone who really understood me or at least parts of me better than anyone could. With her gone, and most of my immediate family dead to cancer, Alzheimer's, heart attacks and whatnot, I was at a complete loss. I retreated back into my shell, and it was all extinguished again, the good and the bad. My capacity for tender, genuine love - which she'd been surprised greatly by, only knowing me as the sarcastic jester - and my oversensitivity, which sometimes caused me to read too much into some poorly communicated words or actions. I was in great pain for a few months and slept a lot, until the death throes ceased, and I went back to this bland apathetic existence of a dead inside sarcastic cynic.

Until a few days ago, when it felt like some kind of other person took control of my body. I'd been noticing it for a while, the ever-increasing buildup inside of me towards homosexual attraction. While normally I was more interested in women, I'd been noticing more and more attraction to men these last years. It lasted longer than usual and felt much stronger. And finally, something within broke and gave in to the urges. I found the two biggest underground resources for gay dating that still remained in my country and posted a profile there. I knew it was stupid, with every ounce of my rationality remaining, but I couldn't help but watch from the sidelines as the other me was overtaken by the fantasy of someone replying to my profile, and me getting to kiss a boy for the first time in my life...

But of course, nothing happened. I know, I know, it's even dumber to expect results in just a few days. However, there are a few things you can't escape from. A few people left comments like "well damn" and "pfft, good luck with that". I also met a guy online who is, unlike me, young and thin and feminine, and using those same resources, he struggled to find love for years, because apparently most people just want an ONS or FWB. If he didn't have a chance, what could I possibly hope for? Look at them, so young and pretty, most of them attracted to each other. Even if some of them want genuine love, what do I bring to the table? An unemployed overweight loser with a crappy apartment, approaching 30. I felt creepy, and sick, and like an abomination. Who cares that you want to kiss a boy and hold him forever and tell him how precious and sweet he is. Who do you think you are to deserve that?

I spent the entirety of yesterday in feverish, sleepy anxiety, so reminiscent of the worst days of my depression, and eventually went to sleep early and slept for 12 hours. I felt better the next day, sleep does help, but some fear, anxiety, and disgust was still there. People who hear my story always tell me how strong I am that I carry on despite everything. Bullshit. I've never felt strong. I just have extreme thanatophobia and anhedonia, not to mention being teetotal, so it looks like I'm strong from the outside. Still alive, and not drunk in a ditch, what more could you ask for. So don't worry, dear reader. I'm not gonna go and off myself after this - Death does not deserve such a gift, and never has, especially after all it's taken from me. But I do feel a part of myself dying again. Love and desire and the desperate scream of a child who didn't get to grow up properly and who's more touch starved than a pharaoh's mummy slowly evaporating and drowning out. Come tomorrow, I will be a functioning adult again. A husk of a man in reality.

Despite this, I will continue to do what I can to improve myself, of course. I will try to shut up my anxiety attacks, clean up the most used areas of my apartment to the best of my ability, and even eat less and go at it on my newly bought exercise bike - a poor man's Ozempic called willpower, that I'd always been sorely lacking, but anhedonia makes it much easier. Maybe, just maybe, years later, when I'm yet older, I'll have a chance to try again. Maybe I'll have a better body and financial situation. I don't know if I'll want to try. I'm so fucking scared to end up like Stephen Fry and start dating again when I'm already 57 or something. And I feel sick to the bone at the cruelty of this world, for putting me in a body full of desires that can't be fulfilled and fears that can't be avoided. Whatever. Life is unfair. Come nightfall, and take it all away. Shed a tear for me, dear reader - mine have dried up a long time ago.

Im 15 and ever since I got into middle school, I thought by the end of it Ill have a bestfriend but no. I feel like every friend I make - by next year/grade we split up and no longer in contact. Right now I have friends, but I know so well once we arent in the same class, they'd forget my existence or if their other friends were in the same class they wouldnt be with me. I always feel like Im the one chasing everyone - chasing my friend or friends, just to not seem like Im excluding myself. Yet I still feel left out cause no one cares whether Im around or not. I reached a point where I feel like people my age no longer want meaningful, forever lasting friendships. I dont know if Its only in my class or school but I was supposed to change schools and I saw it as an opportunity that'll be able to meet new people and possibly find great friends or at least one, however things didnt work out and Im now stuck till the end of the semester. I just dont understand why am I always the last pick ? Im trying to be patient and hopeful but Im scared overtime Its gonna hurt me so much especially of how long the semester is going to be.

There was a moment, not too long ago. Its still stuck to me - during class, I was chatting with my friend and classmate. We were then told to pick partners and play with each other. My classmate and friend stood and walked away while I just sat there .. they didnt even look back at me or asked me to join them. I know it sounds like Im excluding myself but I swear Im trying to include myself by every chance I get but It just gets tiring. I might as well accept it. I didnt want to just sit there so I partnered up with my other friend (her friends didnt want to play). Anyways, after class I wanted to jokingly tell my (first) friend about it but I just thought it was unnecessary, maybe I was overthinking it and it wasnt that serious.

I dont know who to talk to anymore. My mom never tries to understated me, she just shames me and calls me names. When I do talk to her, she just sees me as a pity and calls me emotional - sensitive everytime I cry. I feel like I can no longer cry anymore, like rarely. I just cant, especially infront of my mom.

I hate feeling this negative but those are just some of my thoughts. I just want someone loving, caring and understanding in my life. I dont want to rely on myself my entire life. It gets lonely.

So I play DnD 5e a lot. I'm not diagnosed autistic, but I wouldn't be surprised if I actually was; and if I am, then DnD is definitely my special interest. But I've only DM'ed campaigns for the entire time I've played, except for two sessions. So I look outside of my friend group. I search online everywhere. But I for the life of me cannot find a campaign to be in. It's starting to mess with me; I feel like a weird stress/anxiety, and if I don't play again soon I may go mad I fear

I used to be a happy and loving person, always smiling, always happy to work my job. But ever since gambling was introduced to my life, all of that Changed. Work has been getting hard to do, I hate seeing other people, I hate doing anything. I just want to die.

I've lost faith in God, i've lost faith in friendship, relationships, even parents. Because nothing has ever helped me.

I Know it's mostly my fault, I don't blame anyone or anything. But I'm sick of living this way.

someone please, I want to stop, Please.

I heard some rough news the other day about a colleague, let's call him John. It's left me pretty stumped on what to say, honestly. Imagine this: John's world took a massive nosedive. First, he lost his wife. Just when you think things couldn't get any worse, the guy finds out he's been let go after dedicating 20 years to the same company. That’s some heavy baggage to carry. How do you even start to offer words of support to someone in that situation? It's like trying to find the right formula to express sympathy, but nothing seems to add up.

It's not like there's a manual or a script for situations like this, right? I mean, what can you possibly say that doesn't sound hollow or cliché? You could try those typical lines about staying strong or how things will get better, but who am I kidding? They fall flat pretty quick when you're staring down such harsh realities. You ever wonder if words really hold any power in the grand scheme? 🤔 Or do we rely on them just because silence feels too awkward?

John’s been a cornerstone in the company’s projects. You know how it is; dealing with complex deliverables and navigating industry-specific challenges. Now, after investing two decades of his life into this, he's dealing with a layoff. It must feel like an algorithm gone wrong. How does one process that kind of loss? I can’t even begin to wrap my head around being in his shoes, managing grief of losing his lifetime partner while the next moment, facing unemployment. Brutal combination, isn't it? 😟

I guess when you think about offering support, maybe it's less about what you say and more about being present. But even then, I doubt just being there fills that void, you know? It's like giving a temporary patch to a permanent problem. Do you think offering help with practical matters does more than empty words? Like assisting in job searches or sharing industry contacts? Maybe that’s a better approach than fumbling with comforting words that barely skim the surface of what he's going through.

Have you ever been in a situation where you're just at a loss for words, and it feels like whatever you say is going to miss the mark by miles? I'm wondering if there's a way to navigate through these waters without feeling like you're drowning alongside him. I guess all we can do is try to lend an empathetic ear, be ready when they reach out, and hope that our presence, however silent, offers some comfort. But seriously, what would you say in a situation like this?

i've never been more alone than before. my social circle has been getting smaller and smaller over the years. i recently got into a fight/discussion with one of my two only friends which i also had a situationship and i'll likely never ever going to talk to him again (he was venting to me about a situation and i was too sincere about that and plainly mean, i accept the fact it's purely my fault). i've been really angry about that and it's been 3 weeks since the last time we talked, I don't ever want to see him again really because even if i was mean, he didn't thought about my feelings since he literally abandoned me at my worst and he knew it, but i miss him... i miss him so much.

the other one doesn't talks to me nor reply to my messages, i've known her for like 7-8 years, we have always been great friends, but something i feel it's that i need her more than she needs me, and we both know it, and the only reason they have been my friend for so long it's because she doesn't wants to hurt me and make me commit suicide (i had attempts before, and she was there for me at those times and she was kinda the only reason I didn't). i've been growing paranoid about this, I don't want to get fully alone and I haven't talked to anyone at all for like 2 days straight. i feel that nobody has ever liked me at all. i feel desperate, so desperate. i'd like to make more friends, but i'm socially anxious and nobody really gets me at all, just them. martina is literally the person that makes me feel safe, understood, she's my sister of another mom, she's the only person that has ever understood me and the only one i can trust, but if it was all fake all along? i'm crying as i think about it, at the fact that maybe my love has always been unilateral and our bond was fake all along. i've created my whole point of view and philosophy around her, and the fact i never fully understood why she was my friend. that maybe it was part of my destiny to know her here and every other life i had, for us to be siblings... that idea has been shattering lately, and it's destroying my whole life, what little remains of it... i'm so alone, I don't know what to do anymore

I have an urge to try being poetic when trying to write about myself and if I don't fight it i've had moments where I've generated twice as much text as chat jippity is allowed to in one prompt on a few occassions (so that totals ~30k characters, in an hour or two).

My goal to live a long life is underway, so whatever else I can do in the meantime is a mere addition. I do not travel outside of routine spots, I do not engage with people without a clear mutual benefit, I do not alter my experience with any equilibrium-disturbing dead matters, recreative medicines or narcotics so to say. I'm by the majority vote still very young, 21 years, aiming, unreasonably and religiously, for seven times that or so. I figure, if anything, it's the one thing worth overestimating.

In order to avoid '30k-ing', or testing out the limits of the submission prompt box, I'll skim over the last 3 years, hopping a bit back and forth, starting at HS graduation. COVID shrunk my chances of developing connections, which on first year I've shrunk by my own means. Graduation was the only time I've had group photos with classmates, and past that I merely occasionally 'see', in its literal sense, so I notice elements resembling the elements of my classmates in the crowds of Warsaw, sometimes. This is the part where I mention I'm not a native english speaker, so in case my english reads odd, just know my native tongue sounds to people around me just as odd. Continuing: I've had a habit of giving art feedback to strangers on Discord. Not out of good will, but out of the drive for self improvement - it's worked wonderfully, I have no qualms to openly deem myself a comic artist to strangers, which I'd cringe in horror if I were to attempt in high school. Condensing, condensing, compressing, stitching... I've gone to college, I've quit because of anxiety and low hopes for the future, I've gotten a job to give me a number of 20 months of experience on my CV, quit that job because of low hopes for the future, had a 1.5 turns car rollover at 120km/h on a curve listening to aggressive music from musical artists less optimistic than me, which digging out from under the dirt I've had a big scratch across my chest. That was from when my cat jumped off of me like a week prior. The crash itself did no harm to me, as I was sat in the least damaged part of the car. I'm now enrolled in a daily college and weekend college, right before christmas, dazed by today's fumbled calculus exam, and confused by that being the most commonly shared experience by co-students, worried about my inactivity in regards to artistic endeavors. No one shares that sentiment, I think that's on me. I send 'merry christmas' to at least one acquaintance since 2023. We cannot connect the rest of the year because of my otherness. They've tried drawing and I really encourage drawing to anyone I meet, but no one has as much continuity and narrowness of thought as I've had whilst learning. I suspect that is because of the amount of humans we connect to - the less humans are on my mind, the better my focus and keenness. Great artists must've been very asocial if that is a universal relationship of art and us. I justify my strangeness with a haphazard attempt at finding the optimal spot between the two, art and us.

Golly this needs to be approved my a human before going anonymously public. I apologise then, I hope it is not already too much. I wish for, kind of, anything. I like humans and our languages, it's a shame there seems to be such a hard limit on that. I've not nearly exhausted my thoughts yet... dot dot dot. Maybe I just suck at ending things

PS. Ad. 'already too much' - it absolutely is. I wonder if I could get around that, anyway anyhow. 2026 goal perhaps. Cheers

No worries stalking me as long as you have a male phalange

when talking about a mama's boy, the term often comes with preconceived notions and stereotypes. it's not uncommon for individuals to immediately envision a man who is overly dependent on his mother. however, there are multiple layers to this label that are often overlooked. yes, some might align with the stereotype (a grown man living under his mother's roof, taking her advice as gospel, and perhaps unable to form fully independent thoughts or relationships) but that's not always the case 😅. delving deeper into what constitutes a 'mama's boy' reveals more nuanced characteristics.

for some, being close to one's mother isn't indicative of weakness but rather showcases a deep respect and affection genuine in nature and unfeigned by societal expectations. modern society sometimes ridicules this dynamic as immature or unhealthy when in truth every relationship operates on its own terms. these bonds can be complex; they offer support during times of hardship and provide guidance when life's path becomes unclear. in today's world where authenticity is highly valued, such relationships should be understood within their context before any judgment is passed.