Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I feel like every guy that i talk to see me as like their last option.I mean i do not have any complaints about my looks or anything but idk why sometimes i feel desperate for pure love and affection and nobody has ever looked at me in that way even tho i feel like im averagely pretty idk.

you know, I've been cruising around on this application a lot, and I've seen tons of folks saying "this too shall pass," but honestly, I don't 100% get it, like, is it some existential thing or just a fancy phrase to throw around when stuff hits the fan? 🤔 I've seen it on different threads, and it's like an invisible hand trying to pat people on the back when they're down, but does it really work that way? it makes me think: is there a magic moment when you know things are finally over, like some official "passing" ceremony? It's a bit funny, isn't it? when stuff is bad, we kind of hold onto this phrase like it's gonna save the day or something. but then again, when things are good, we're all hoping they don't "pass" like the good times should just hang around forever. It's like needing assurances that bad times are temporary while secretly praying the good stuff stays put. 🙃 Then again, I remember someone said "these too shall pass" while quoting that ancient king who wanted a phrase that'd put things into perspective irrespective of a situation; isn't it wild how something from way back then is like, still relevant now? Our great-grandparents probably even used that line, and now here we are, borrowing from their wisdom. So, maybe it's not about timing but how we perceive situations and hold onto hope; or, is it more about prepping ourselves to ride the ups and downs without freaking the heck out?

In a day-to-day setting, it's helpful in giving people assurance and making them feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel, but with a seemingly perpetual cycle of passing and waiting for new days or events to occur, how do you stay grounded? sometimes I wonder if it's the world's way of saying also "hey, don't get too comfy," like a gentle nudge that life's dynamic and unpredictable, and that maybe no state of being is set in stone. And then, there are those people who casually drop "this too shall pass" as if they've got some golden master-key for all life's locks, and it makes me chuckle 'cause it's like, no one actually has the entire rule book for surviving life's storms, right? It's like we're all kindergartners in the grand school of life. Plus, the word "pass" sounds so passive and laid-back, almost like we're waiting for a magical transformation that requires no active participation, which is kind of comforting yet peculiar at the same time. Perhaps needing a phrase or philosophy that just sits with you on rough days without leaving a mark can be a strong enough testament to its value. "this too shall pass," even if not instantly comprehensible in its entirety, may indeed hold the soothing balm of enduring hope bundled in mere words, like a lifeline extended through time; and, wouldn't it be crazy if understanding its meaning was less about comprehension and more about how it feels? Seriously, stick those words somewhere prominent and let time scribe their meaning onto your soul with experience. just curious though: how do you guys see it? does it resonate like a silent companion during tough times, or does it all just seem overrated and blown out of proportion, in your opinion? 🤔 because sharing these phrases, seeking clarity, and expanding our grasp could be the start of untangling the threads of such enigmatic maxims. anyways, take care and good luck with the unraveling of life's chaos.

Recently I've been feeling really crappy; I've been getting a lot of headaches, a huge loss of appitite, and I've constantly felt like I was going to faint. I brought this up with my mom and mentioned how I'm probably anemic (since I've had multiple blood tests done to show that I have an iron deficency and I show an alarming amount of the symptoms), however, she just said it was because I didn't eat and I belived her. But then school started and I was getting up and down and whatnot a lot more and suddenly I'm literally fighting to not pass out in my algebra class and get trampled by the greasy football kids. So far, it's been happening for multiple days and I've also been losing sleep. My mom always blames the symptoms on things like me not getting enough exersise or not eating (both are not possible though as I live in a very mountain-y area and I have to constantly walk up steep hills at my school to get to some classes, and I HAVE been eating). It's not new either, II have been expiriancing these things for a long time, even though it's more recently they're starting to get worse.

This isn't really the only time she's done stuff like this though. for a long time I struggled with anxiety and she had said it was 'normal for my age' but when an actual doctor looked at my anxiety they said it was extremely high for someone my age, to which my mom agreed to like she agreed the whole time and only put me in therapy after that. She's also doing the same for the fact that I can;t sleep and refusing to let me go on any sort of medication for my anxiety or inability to sleep, when these are things I have been serriously struggling with since I was in the third grade. It just kinda feels like she doesn't belive me whenever I say something is wrong or ask for her help with that type of thing. I love her a lot and she's amazing, but I really wish that she would listen to me for once because it feels terrible when a doctor has to tell her something I've been telling her for ages for her to be concerned or just listen.

You know, one friend hasn't messaged me for 2 days. I don't know why. Maybe he's finally exhausted of me. I was earlier messaging him after every 1-2 hours, maybe I'm troubling him. But he seemed fine in school. He gave me one message today that he can't meet with me, but honestly, it could also mean he doesn't like me and he's too awkward to say so. He even messaged yesterday he was busy for many hours. So because I felt very bad, I slept trying to convince myself he's not leaving you, but honestly, it's a tough belief to keep up. I felt very tired wanting to message again. I was always messaging "Hi" or "Are u here?" Maybe I should get rid of this whole thing. The belief I can ever do it with anyone. That way I can focus on family, I think I'm ignoring them, that's what they tell me. Dad thinks I'm being mean. I think I'm holding on too hard. I should leave this full thing, leave him alone. Not everyone is actually nice.

I've been considering the NUCLEAR OPTION, which is leaving everyone behind. As in, I remove all contacts until I forget them, and never speak to them in school, since they've got their own lives going on without me. But my brother tells me to take it slow, message him less, and trust that he's not hateful of me. But what if he just ignores my messages because I message him "Hi" every 1 hour? Even my mom said he could be away at a staycation or busy somewhere or I don't know. I'm sorry to all of you I don't have the luxurious talent of being able to trust friends that they like me and to even have many friends which are meaningful! My brother thinks it's that easy? He says it takes time, yet he's the hot shot in his class and grade. It's always the popular kids who have it easy with life. It's always them with the delusional answers.

I don't even know how my brother's acting so respectful about a friend. I told him that guy is a trans boy, and while my bro did joke about it earlier, he proceeds to still call him a guy, they've never met! My brother's 12 and somehow, I feel like they'd get along better. Me and that friend may have similar interests and we have cool discussions, but my brother is more fun. I see him everyday play games with his friends and having fun online, meanwhile I'm just quiet like a loser next to him. I should inspire him, not give him an example of what not to be. Why is he even giving advice to me? He's not even met my friend. My friend may say he enjoys more quiet stuff, but my bro gets along with everyone somehow, so I lack somewhere. He's the popular funny kid, so when he says stuff like "I bail out of outings a lot!" or "I have some days I don't even play with them!", it sounds fake. I trust people out of family very less when they're quiet like that. It's like the world moves so fast, and I just failed to catch up. I'm older, I should be the idol, not him.

I felt so tired of crying I slept for 2 and a half hours. I don't know why, I just did. I love them so much, but sometimes it feels I'm not doing enough or I'm doing too much. Meanwhile they somehow got it figured out. Where did I go so wrong? I'm the reason a small boy I once knew thinks that I never changed. I hurt him. I hurt everyone. I cling too hard. If you'd seen that boy's face now, you'd feel the same too! Like you've done nothing but harm. That he remembers a version of you that you now hate so much.

My brother messaged me this. yeah but that boy is gone now he prolly dosent even remember u why wud he care then why did u msg him like that? (asking why I was messaging my friend every 1 hr) bro he dosent respond and u start crying.. hes been gone for 2 hrs thats not that mmuch so? js dont msg him as often now problem solved if theyre happy w u then how r u a burden (I then say I’ve been left out before. They act nice until they talk to someone else and it’s like I dont exist) then try to balance it why do u feel like giving up that means that u dont wanna be friends w rthem they like u for who u are why tf do u hate who u r wtf do u mean by superficial why do u hate that u have friends man it cud genuinly be a mistake (the moment one friend swapped a digit on accident in her number) bro its ur choice if u want friends lemme tell u smth imagine u have money u can buy a car u can drive but u say that i dont deserve the car how tf are u not worthy of buying a goddamn car (I then say "Maybe ur not good at driving, just like how I can’t decide whether I should worry or do the NUCLEAR OPTION and nuke all contact with them") r u gud in the head if ur not gud at driving but yk how to after some time ull get used to it and be better everyone starts fresh the nuclear option for that case is to spend all that money on nothing and js thinking what shud i do with it that money will go nowhere itll get u nothing cus u can already afford everything the only thing u wanted was now gone dont do the nuclear optio neven i started off like u im not born with it no one is because i didnt worry about all these things and dont say u cnat cus if ull never try ull never know and dont say uve tried too hard uve only lived 14 years and maybe somewhere itll all go fine its like a roller coaster aadhya ur so scared to go on i but when u do its fun and u wanna do it over and over again listen dont message if he dosent msg tomo then msg day after if he asks where wewre u yesterday js say i was out.

Yeah, life is so easy like a roller coaster. There's also a high risk of falling out or the ride slipping and going back. Now my friend's gonna think I'm weird for asking him, and then he'll block me and leave me out of everything. I am too much and too little. Never enough. And because you're so desperate on whether I wanna die or not, I think I'd rather be lonely than die. As harsh as it is, every adult does it. My grandparents have no friends, my mom doesn't go with anyone. I'm just the same unlucky person in the cycle. I don't possess the blue blood of my brother. I didn't message him at all today, but honestly, what if when he said he's busy, he meant "busy ranting to my other friends about how much I hate you".

I gave them one message now to both homies, they haven't responded. I know it's a 2 month holiday, but why, why does it feel so urgent to me? I gotta get everything done. Otherwise I'll just fade away. Like I did last time for a long while. I gotta look after my brother cus he's out with his group. Why is it that he ends up going a few times, while my track record of friends so far is...0. I've spent far too much time with family.

My family is suspicious. They don't message if they're busy or not and they only inform sometimes. One girl swapped her phone digits. Another one hasn't messaged me for 3 days already. One girl put it on silent but she responds sometimes. One girl said she messages very less and now in school she doesn't greet me at all and her classmates are kinda mean to me. And my first ever friend betrayed me by using my rage against me because she knew I was a moron then! And my mom says I can do what I want, so the NUCLEAR OPTION seems ideal. We have to approach this like a battlefield. We gotta understand their next move. If one of them is silent for a week, it's over. Done! I already understood this in my comments. You know what my second comment ever was on a video? Coisa estranha da porra is what he said. The first comment may have said AYYYYY THATS LOOKS TEAAAAA but we have to acknowledge the bad. Then that means the 2 months I spent was wasted on worrying and sleeping instead of having fun like everyone else. I don't wanna waste 2 months. If I was more direct, I'd have messaged them every 10 minutes. Then my brother and every other pathetic female out there would've had fun while I rotted away again! That was god's mistake for making me wrong.

if a another teacher gives me another 4x6 note card I might flip. Anyways… any tips for a girl?😫

I'm a 28-year-old woman currently residing with my mother due to my financial constraints, as I'm still completing my education with a college grant. My upbringing in the Adventist Church left me with some deep-seated emotional issues.

Since my father's death, my mother has entered a relationship with a new partner who practices an Afro-Brazilian faith. While I've expressed my struggles with religious discussions due to my Religious Trauma Syndrome diagnosed by a therapist, he has repeatedly tried to share his spiritual experiences with me. Despite requesting respectfully to refrain from this topic when we're alone, he has ignored my requests multiple times, causing me significant distress.

This repetitive breach of my boundaries led to a confrontation where I was firmer after he once again approached me with the same topic. I believed he understood my point after he became silent, perhaps feeling ashamed. However, he later complained to my mother, claiming I was rude, which resulted in a harsh rebuke from her accusing me of immaturity and intolerance. I explained my side, agreed to apologize for the tone but not for maintaining my boundary.

I personally apologized to him but reiterated my stance on avoiding religious conversations for my mental health's sake. He dismissed my approach, suggesting that adulthood involves tolerating discomfort. This makes me wonder if I'm really in the wrong here.

Imagine the drama this situation would cause if it played out on a reality show! The cameras would zoom in on our heated discussions, and viewers would probably be split. Some might applaud my stance on mental health boundaries, while others might criticize me for not being more accommodating. The producers would eat up the tension and the mixed reactions from the audience would add even more spice.

Am I being unreasonable here?

I'm pissed beyond words on how to describe my feelings on Amalya, Sanvi R., and Angelina. I'm mad and feel them inconsiderate, rude, selfish, arrogant, cocky. and I'm masking it. I want to punch a wall to make myself feel pain and not that anymore (not self harm). Damn them. WHY am I like this. A person who can't handle their own emotions and think they're helpful to others. What the fuck is my mindset. It was in gaga ball. I said that Nishank wasn't out and the others said that he was. The girls then just said "You're just mad you got out" like... what the actual literal piece of shit. You're just a bitch, bastard and someone who needs to be humbled. Sanvi R was so shy, and now she's so fucking mean. Where did it come from. OH WAIT! I know... IT WAS THOSE FUCKING GIRLS. Even Deetya doesn't make me feel that anymore. In fact, she never made me feel that deep. And all those fuck ass girls are going to say is "You're overreacting" and when I walk in the hallways, I know they're going to talk shit about me behind my back. I'd rather not deal with this shit, but I can't handle it. I was actually punching a wall just to silence my pain mentally and emotionally. And that smug grin on Sanvi R's face. Damn her. Damn them. And worst, I know later, I'm going to blame myself for it. It'll make me insecure, upset at myself. Question Who I am and what I am. I hope high school never brings me this. Shit... 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

In case you don't get it, that's me being pissed, upset, unsure and doubting my life and whether I should live and then I'm masking it because I know that others will just ask "are you okay" and I know I'm not, but no one understands you more than your emotions. Not even yourself—your emotions. You may say you don't feel bad, but your emotions know what you truly mean.

Hey guys, so. I'm 13, and I have had eczema since I was 2. And one time with a dermatologist at 12, she did finally confirm I have eczema. I use moisturizers and hydrocortisone creams if it gets bad, and it's great. My new creams don't give me all that much hyperpigmentation, unlike other creams I've had, which is good! SO yeah. But a full-blown analysis, and the cause? Nah, no, it didn't happen. And I'm scared of dermatologists, because of many things. My grandpa used to be a dermatologist, and he used to be angry. Like, ultra-mad, so mad that as both an anesthesiologist and dermatologist, he'd yell at EVERYONE, when he'd have a patient he wouldn't really care, and when my dad (his son) got acne problems, the creams were so bad that if dad immediately stopped, his skin would dry fast and if he put the pimples would go but his skin would darken. And from watching dermatologists in movies and YouTube, they all seem very judgy, very weird, always obsessed with your skin (I know it's their job, but I mean OBSESSED), and would create new insecurities for you. And I've heard from my gut feelings if they're with teens, with any skin issues, they're gonna roast the hell out out of you, make you have more insecurities, and feel even worse about your look! Trust me, I have eczema and acne at the same time, and while cutting cashews has reduced my pimples, I get a teeny tiny amount of pimples right before my periods, but nothing horrible, unless the dermatologist says so and I need birth control. And eczema? How can a girl have it since 2?? I don't know, just how? I'm just weird like that. But yeah, I just feel weird, around any doctors. Like they'll only see me as some sort of sick body, and I already feel bad about my looks and chronic disease, because what if when I grow up, nobody would like me for it? All girlfriends I see online have perfect smooth skin. And I'm the crusty rock.

So bascially my day was horrible and I found this website and because the last website I went to when I went through things (okay I may have gone there alot but I thought thats what it was for!) I bascially felt like I was being shamed so I stopped going there. Anyway about my day.

Anyway so first the person I like wasn't at school and I wanted to talk to them because one of my friends decided to share my busisness (tell them I liked them) and there have been some signs that they might like me back. So I just wanted to sort it out. BUT NO!

Then im on a bus and this guy behind me lets call him jerk, Jerk decided to call everybody basically a gay slur but the man is not even gay hes straight. Then my friend who is in a relationship Jerk will not leave them alone. Showing them pictures of the guys family and everytime he waves his stupid hand in my face and kept saying,: get her attention, do it, do it, do it. Like no leave ME ALONE! Gosh then this guy joins in and starts betting her boyfriend to do the nastiest things. By this point I was so done the day was bascially horrible. But I hope everyone else had a great day!

Hi everyone, so this is my first time venting here and I don't know if anyone will read this but i have to tell someone.

(sorry if there are any typos or if my english is bad)

So basically I have this online friend who I have been friends with since 2024 (Marking 2 years this month), let's just call him E. He actually asked me to be moots on tiktok because he liked my videos and we were in the same fandom, so of course I said yes (which was a rare moment as I usually never befriended strangers) and we would text each other everday. He referred to me as his longest IBF everytime and so did I. But in 2025 in february we joined a discord server, that our mutual friend (let's call him SLT) introduced us to. Everything was fine and we met some new people. E and I were still very close and talked a lot. But then at some point in late August I was absent for a month till september, because i just did not feel well mentally. In that time, I would sometimes be on discord, but just not say anything. In all that time when I was gone, E never asked if I was okay or if I'm even still alive (I told him a lot about me in the past). E got closer to someone else who I will refer to as D (Who is in the same server btw). E and D texted each other everyday and even had a whole ass streak on tiktok, something E never had with me. E even wrote in his social media bios: "D is such a cool person" like he never said that about me. They played together, talked endlessly. It doesn't bother me of course, if my friends have other friends, but what DOES bother me is that he NEVER, not even once checked up on me and then calls himself my "best friend" If he can't even check up on me, while I'm gone, then what does this say about our friendship? So I was pissed, when I returned and we had fight where he unfollowed me everywhere at some point, but we made up because guilt was starting to eat on me fast and it affected my daily life and concentration at school. When we made up, he said that he didn't block me, because he still wanted me as his friend and to be honest: I get it, I love this idiot so much and he is the bestest and longest online friend I had as well. People in the server we're in even shipped our OC's but after my absent suddenly E and D shipped their OC's together. It annoys me how E started talking to me less and less and he was always like: "I just don't know what to say" Oh but you know what to say when you're with D? D and I are friends too but I lowkey hate him and I hate E too but I don't at the same time. I told E multiple times how I feel but he doesn't really understand it or ignores it. I told him: "If you don't want to be friends anymore it's okay, because not all friendship's hold forever" and he was like: "No, I do wanna stay your friend, I value our friendship alot" that made me SO mad and I asked him why he doesn't talk to me, then unless i talk first, which he just replied with: "idk what to say" like bro just shut the hell up. The fact that this bothers me so much is insane, I find myself getting angry and my mood turns bad to the point where i am mad at people in real life and let my anger out on them. I am actually scared to block E nor do I have the balls to leave the Discord server we're in. I have other friends there but the host (Who i am friends with too) is also friends with me and he will for sure ask why I left. So I don't know what to do because I hate E but I also don't, it just hurts because he does NOT value our friendship like he said he does. A simple "Are you okay?" would've been okay but instead I got replaced. Someone else who I call S, checked up on me despite the fact that he and I aren't even that close. I saw it the moment I deciced to return.

I don't know if anyone can help me but at least I got this heavy burden off my chest, it's been bothering me for months and It makes me sick.

I'm just gonna refer to this person as Vi. So Vi was my close friend and also former crush. I had a huge crush on Vi when I was around 9 up until I was 14. Just for context, both me and Vi are female. When I confessed, Vi explained that she finds it disgusting to date a woman. At the time, I was really shattered by this and I still am until now. But let's fast forward to recently, I've finally managed to move on and fall in love with this girl who I'll just call as Kiwi. Since Vi was like a best friend to me regardless of what she said before, I told her that I really like Kiwi. I originally thought she was gonna be happy that I've finally stopped bothering her or anything. She got mad instead. She yelled at me for liking Kiwi and said that Kiwi is a big red flag for me. Even though she has never met nor talked to Kiwi before. This went on for a really long time until Kiwi got a girlfriend. Obviously, I was really heartbroken by this and tried to vent to Vi about this. But Vi dismissed my feelings and kept saying that she was right all along and I was just the idiot who fell in love. She also added that no one will like me as much as she does at all and I should be with her instead. If Vi had told me that years ago, I would've accepted it and gladly be her girlfriend. But now I really like Kiwi and I can't really just drop my current crush for someone who called me disgusting before. I told her I wasn't interested and apologised because I don't have any feelings for her anymore. She got even more furious after that comment and told me that I will never find anyone and I'll always suffer in romantical relationships. (P.S, I feel like this is a curse because it's true somehow. I am still unable to find love until today and I still suffer in finding love.) After that had happened, Vi went into my account without my knowledge, screenshotted the vents that I had vented to my friend about Kiwi getting a girlfriend and she posted it. I tried confronting Kev about this but she ignored me and changed the topic every single time. Soon, I started to give up and trying to communicate and it seems like she had also noticed it. But instead of trying to talk to me again, she spread a bunch of rumours about me online and told everyone all my secrets. The rumours got too intense at some point so I decided to just block her. After blocking her, I've received a few screenshots from friends. The screenshots consist of Vi telling everyone that she's glad that I've left her and I am a horrible monster. She also added that since I'm gone now she could easily spread even more rumours about me and laugh at me. Furthermore, she also wished that I would off myself one day and added how annoying I was and she had waited for this day to come for ages. Now I'm really wondering what I've actually did wrong and am I actually someone who messed up.

My wife, Laura, and I have been happily married for six months after being together for seven years. Laura isn't particularly close with her family due to a complex history, and since I've had a relatively good relationship with my own family, she suggested we live near them when she completed her studies last year. Everyone seemed to get along initially, so it appeared to be a good decision.

My family holds quite traditional views, especially the older generation. My great-grandmother firmly believed that family gatherings should involve women taking charge of the kitchen while men engaged in other activities like sports or watching TV. Although my brothers and I can cook—thanks to our dad who didn't grow up with such traditions—I'm not nearly as skilled as someone who might have started learning at a younger age. I always found these gender roles odd and made it clear to Laura from the start of our relationship.

Laura is a phenomenal cook, a talent she's known for far and wide. This skill made her quite popular during college, and it's something we both appreciate at home, especially on the days she cooks.

However, her cooking prowess hasn't been entirely well-received by the women in my family after we moved closer. They expected her to automatically join in the kitchen duties during family gatherings, and while her dishes garnered praise, it sparked jealousy and petty behavior from some of the female relatives. Despite the mean-spirited comments from them accusing her of not contributing enough while also trying to overshadow her, Laura tried her best to connect and fit in. It was disheartening to watch, and even my dad’s attempts to reason with my mom proved futile. To counteract this, I encouraged Laura to hang out with the men, thinking she might escape the hostility. She was initially reluctant but ended up enjoying herself, which unfortunately did not sit well with the women, who felt I should enforce the traditional roles.

My mom even confronted me, criticizing my decision to "allow" Laura to step back. I stood my ground, expressing that my wife’s well-being is my top priority and not up for debate. The tension has made family gatherings less enjoyable for me, although Laura remains hopeful that the dynamics might improve.

Were this situation to unfold on a reality show, public perception could vary dramatically. Viewers might be divided, with some sympathizing with Laura’s plight against outdated traditions, while others might support the family’s perspective on upholding customs. The unfolding drama could certainly spike interest and discussions among the audience, potentially spotlighting issues of gender roles and family dynamics in a broader context.

I' thinking about how the viewers would perceive our situation in such a public platform. Would they see the unfairness for what it is, or would they buy into the "traditional" way my family clings to?

I'm only going to speak of a specific medical issue I'm currently dealing with right now. Which probably isn't actually a good thing that I'm typing this on a digital device... But I sorta have an addiction to digital device use. Not specifically social media, but just the use the digital media.

Anyway...

According to the CA Emergency Room. It's normal for me to have ocular migraines. They said that the excruciating pain would be normal. But also, according to my Psychiatrist, I can only take Advil or Tylenol😭! Due to certain circumstances.

The symptoms I have when the ocular migraines happen are:

Complete and utter pain starting behind my left eye. It migrates to pain in my left nostril. Then the pain moves along to my upper left side jaw. The stickles down to my lower left side jaw. The it enjoys a nice right through the left side of my neck. And ends it's painful adventure through my left are down to my pink finger🤕!

Light and temperature play a factor too. If it's too bright... It hurts🔆. If the temperature is too cold... It hurts🌡️. And unfortunately for me... I run really hot... So these migraines make it difficult for me to adjust the temperature, since I haven't learned how to use my cousins thermostat thingy on the wall🫠. And all I need is the left side of my face, neck, and arm to be warm... Not my whole body😫!

At least the Nivea lotion I have is really good at drying my skin out, so I don't have to worry too much about the sweat🥵!

But that's not the point.

I went to the ER while I was in pain and unbalanced as well... And they said it's normal😒.

I went to a neurologist as well... All test came back normal😮‍💨.

I went for blood work... Guess what... Normal🥴.

So, according to many doctors opinions... Being in immense pain, and not being able to walk is... "Normal" for someone who doesn't experience this everyday😑.

Also, the cause of symptoms are based on how much I'm anxious about something, someone, or somewhere😥.

And my life right now is just all about that anxiousness🤪!!

And I wouldn't be responding to any story's/things I've written on this site for a while. Until I get better. I do like to respond to comments... So when I'm better... I'll respond to all the comments or questions later😌🙏🏻✨!!

so, here's the thing. i'm 27 and have been through a few relationships since my ex and i broke up around two years ago. every time i think i'm moving on, bam, memories flood back in like i'm watching a highlight reel of better times. i mean, is it normal to still be hung up on someone this long after a breakup? sure, i dabbled with new romances, hoping they'd be my redemption arc, but somehow, i always find myself circling back to thoughts of him.

i broke up with my ex back then for what felt like the right reasons. we just couldn't see eye to eye, and life got in the way with its chaotic flare. the split was mutual, you know? everyone tells me that's supposed to make it easier, but i sometimes feel like i'm stuck in emotional purgatory. like, were we really over? it's been two solid years. two whole years. does love really just evaporate into thin air after a while? 'cause it sure doesn't feel that way for me.

dating around was weird at first - like, comparing these new guys to him wasn't even fair, but it's something i couldn't help. i had to push through those initial post-breakup vibes, trying to convince myself i needed to move on. met some decent dudes, but nothing ever clicked the same. maybe it's my mind playing tricks on me, or maybe deep down, i'm holding out for my ex like he's some nostalgic superhero. can anyone else relate to that? does missing someone you broke up with feel absurd?

the question dangling over my head now is whether i should try contacting him. would that be a smart move, or just opening a can of worms? i'm torn between leaving the past in the past and risking dredging up old drama. after all, there's no manual on how long you're supposed to wait before reaching out to an ex, is there? i've been obsessing over it, checking his social media like it's my full-time job, always hesitating at the brink of reaching out. i guess the thought of potential rejection is terrifying.

part of me wonders if i even want him back or if it's just some drawn-out comfort zone i'm yearning for. maybe it's not even love but a deep-seated familiarity whispering sweet nothings in my ear; but shouldn't everything start with a question? should i make that leap and slide into his dms or just let bygones be bygones? at the end of the day, it's a gamble - and who knows, maybe one day i'll roll the dice, or maybe i'll just keep sitting here in this limbo of longing. 🤷‍♀️

I yearn for ppl but i ruin everything unknowingly myself. everyone leaves me. atp idon deserve anyone, i ruin everything. I'm a literal baggage to everyone around me. i should just stop expecting anything coz I'm gonna sabotage myself. I'm a total brainfuck.