Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I work in a hospital, as an Intern..

From half a month working in a certain department.I do every work on time, with discipline and punctuality.But there had been hardly a single day,when some senior of mine,for whom I work smiles at me.All over the duty time,they people seem evergreen irritated.They can't smile at you,they can't be normal looking towards you.Appreciation is never cup of tea of theirs.And yeah more over to that,you are asked to do,such helper works! "Fill my waterbottle," when the RO is just steps away!!! It seema like a maid of theirs, than a job that I am being paid for.... You are being taunted/scolded on every step.... without an option of giving reasons....Why are some people there of some sort?why can't people have humanity!!

Moomy, sorry if I swear in some of these and please promise not to get angry because I haven’t told anyone this and I feel like crap anyways

I couldn't finish 3 of my exams. I couldn't the last 2 questions of biology, I couldn't finish 1 section in Hindi, and I couldn't finish half the paper in maths. I will fail even all the subjects. Maybe I didn't study enough for all of them. I'm a failure to everyone. I'm a failure in life. I don't have friends, I studied but I didn't have practice, I'm apparently rude to everyone and everything, I can't even draw like my beloved artists, I can't do art in the future because you'll replace me, and I won't pass school next year. It may be the second term and I have one more, but it's not enough. I'm not enough. I've never been. The list should've helped me because I would've been a great human, not the defective fetus my parents were given. That's all I am. Failure. Always will be, unless I figure out a way to just stop. Stop harming others with this mess, because my existence of failing alone is bad.

Nobody wants a failure, nobody wants to fail. Because look where failure got others. People failed to check the reactor core of Chernobyl, many people of Ukraine and other countries died. Someone scored very low in school, he was held back a year and continues like that, even though he's happy now. Someone failed a driving test, so they never drive again because they probably ran over someone. Someone failed an exam, and their parents beat the hell out of them or they get horrible treatment. Someone out there failed to get his family any food in a poor village and they die. Someone who was a topper in 8th became a failure in 12th and never ever got accepted to any college EVER. See? Failure hurts and it destroys. It’s like a cancer, a mutation which occurs when a DNA code fails. Failure’s a prion, a cancer, a mutation. I hate it when books tell kids in school, failure should help you learn. It helped me learn to not fail and resent it. My parents may have been fine, but I don't care. I'm a failure, and I should leave the house because I said so. Dad's right when he says lots of Indian families hate failure, I should too. He's not right when he says it's not good. Stop lying, dad!

Look where it f—king got me. I feel like I failed in everything. How am I gonna make it in this world? I won't. If I fail in one more thing, I'm a useless child. I hate it when they say you can learn and do better from failure. I hate it when dad says not to fear failure. Look where failure got others in the real world! Death! Destruction! Famine! Held back a year! Loss of friends! Abuse! More death! This will happen to me. It will. Didn't failure hurt them?

That's why I'm a problem. I may have been born by loving parents, but right now I feel like they secretly hate me, even though they seem fine. I burnt everything I touched, maybe this fail is it. I failed at maintaining 1 friend, at succeeding exams, at being nice and humorous, at being smart, at looking good and being in the trend, many things. I'm pathetic. I'm the worst thing ever to happen. Why even though I studied I couldn't finish the paper? I'm too slow like a snail, that is! I’m fat, ogre-like and as ugly as someone’s hairy armpits. I hate it when my mom said not to think on her behalf. Making predictions is what we do. Stock workers do it to predict the market trends. Even if she scored 5th topper IN SCHOOL, why is she telling me she also failed? It's a lie! Farce! Fake! Farzi! She's lying that she failed. She's not showing love, it's a story she cooked out of her mother-head to comfort her child. If I hate myself, I'll get better. I'm a worthless, useless, piece of sh-t, v—na candle smelling, stupid, pig-like, hairy, baboon-ish creature who deserves to not live for all her f—king failures. If I hate myself, I'll get better. Isn't it how it works? I admit my failure, I remind myself of them again and again, and I'll improve. It’s what I’ve been told by someone I don’t remember a long time ago.

My high was a waste. My high of feeling better and more confident was an utter waste pulled out my a-s that I really regret because I feel so stupid. Don’t try to convince me failure is good for me. Failure is bad for everyone. Remember my examples? They’re true! I feel more useless than ever. Like my high of positivity and small confidence was wasted. What do you mean I should think more positive, if this is the sandpit it got me to? I hate it when people say it. I’m sorry, but I also hate the fact even my own family hates cynicism and honesty, even though dad embodies both. Hatred of oneself happens when that person understands they are nothing more than their flaws. I’m nothing more than a stupid, short, fat, hairy, ugly, brace-faced, curly-haired, unskilled, lazy, abusive sister, daughter, girl and even human being. Being “positive” is stupid. Look where hoping got me. I didn’t f-cking finish the goddamn paper. My hope that I will finish was a farce and a fart. Listen here, stupid sheeple. POSITIVITY GETS YOU NOWHERE. Say it louder for the people at the back! Don’t tell me to care for myself and look at things to make me happy. Don’t tell me to “LIST PAST ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS WELL AS THINGS

YOU’RE LOOKING FORWARD TO.” “LOOK AT POSITIVE IMAGES AND THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS TO CHANGE YOUR MOOD.” or even the stupidest, dumbest and most STINKIEST one, “WRITE DOWN NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND THEN RIP THEM UP OR THROW THEM AWAY.” How the actual hell does ripping up your negative make you better? IT DOESN’T MAKE ANYONE FEEL BETTER, FAKE SCIENTIST! I’M A PRODIGY, A TINFOIL-WEARER IN THE MATRIX OF FOOLS! DON’T SAY SUCH STUPIDITY, YOU HAGS, SLOTHS, MORONS, HAIR-EATERS!

Dad now thinks I’m a lying, dramatic, piece-of-sh-t daughter who’s only doing this to piss him off. Wow, great observation father! I just love how smart you are! I’m not upset, I’m aroused! I AM a psychopathic, cringe daughter! I am the Belle Gibson wannabe who successfully fooled the goddamn world into thinking she’s got cancer, when bloody lady’s got everything fine and set out for her! I’m a girl who’s farting out problems, and using my tongue! Ever considered cutting it off and removing my teeth? B-TCH?! WANNA F-CKING HURT ME? GO AHEAD. Not that you care if whatever I’m going through now is real or fake, I’m Belle Gibson, Moriarty, Kokichi, all chronic liars! I’M A LIE! And lies deserve to be killed and obliterated by God! IS GOD EVEN REAL? I don’t care, go ahead! Send me away to a sh-t Indian school where nobody cares and they all beat and probably r-pe me, because guess what, I’m toughening up! I’m having the ass of a monkey, callouses as hard a stone!! I’M THE LIAR I’M THE LIAR I’M THE LIAR GOD IS REAL I DESERVE TO BE PUNISHED I’M A LIAR I DESERVE TO NOT HAVE LOVE I’M A LIAR AND I SHOULD BE JAILED AND TORTURED AND R-PED AND KILLED AND SLAUGHTERED AND EATEN!!

So don’t even begin to think about how I can improve, because I can never, ever, ever succeed next unit, or ever, in life for ANYTHING. Plain and simple, 1 + 1 = 2.

It’s not love, nor a situationship, nor even friendship. It’s just two strangers who met one night. He started to open up to her comfortably, like he never had before. They are also neighbors, but on different floors.

The issue here is that he opened up to a woman who barely knows herself. She has zero self-confidence, overthinks everything, feels numb, and what’s worse, she is an attention seeker.

They almost had the same childhood trauma. She felt bad that he went through all that at such a young age. Exactly two weeks passed, filled with the best memories together, until he asked her for the third time to come to his room just for coffee. She accepted only because he asked in a way that made her feel like she was being questioned: “Why don’t you trust me?”

In his room, he kept assuring her that she was comfortable by asking and offering tea and snacks. It started with her crying when he told her why he has a missing finger and that he had tried to kill himself, but thankfully only lost his finger. Here, she started to tear up, trying to hide it, but when he saw it, he tried to calm her down and hugged her. She didn’t push away; she hugged him too.

When she was fully calm, she said, “We shouldn’t touch.” Then he replied, “I didn’t know what to do when I saw you like that.”

On other nights, she showed him her gloves and jokingly said, “We can hold hands with gloves on.” Then they were playing with the wheelchair like kids. He hugged her, and she didn’t pull away but hugged him more. He asked her, “Do you want to take off your gloves?” She said okay. On other nights, he asked how her hair looked and said he wanted to see it. She said she wanted to show him her hair but couldn’t (she is hijabi), but she did take it off.

On other nights, they started to hug in silence for hours and sleep together (clothed). All of that happened within one month.

Then one night, at the end of the month, she said, “Could we go back to being friends?” She wanted to argue, but he just said okay. Then he offered her to sit while he went aside. She said, “I want to leave,” and she left.

Here is what she told him exactly that night:

“I want to be friends like we used to be before. I know you like to talk comfortably alone, but we could meet in any garden outside and talk. I just don’t like where our friendship is going, and I know it’s against my religion. You know that was never me.”

He said, “I understand, and you are right. Actually, I am sorry that I hurt you. I know you are a good girl, and I pushed you to come here. And by the way, I spread Islam. See the Quran you gave me; I gave it to a friend. As you know, I don’t read English; I read it in my language.”

Then he walked to the edge of his bed (beside the window) to smoke and moved the chair toward her. “Sit,” he said. She replied, “I’m going to leave.” “Okay,” he replied.

Two days passed in silence. She asked him what was going on with their friendship.

He said, “You wanted that.”

She replied, “I said friends, not strangers.”

He said, “This is better for you. I don’t want to hurt you again, and I actually changed because every word you said was right. You are going to be okay.”

She said, “I didn’t mean to break the friendship. How can we fix it?”

He kept repeating his words, and she kept asking. In the end, he said, “Do you really want it to be fixed?”

She said yes.

He said, “Come.”

She came. They repeated the same conversation. Then he asked her, “Can we hug for the last time?” She said yes without hesitation. Then they slept together like before. He said, “This is going to be our last night.”

Then she left.

Two weeks of silence passed, then they met by coincidence. “How are you?” he asked.

“I’m okay. I missed how we were before,” she said.

“I know, I missed it too, but that’s good for you. You will be fine, don’t worry,” he said.

A week later, she texted him “hello” but deleted the chat, not realizing the message itself wasn’t deleted. The next night, he replied “hello.” She forgot she had even texted him, so the conversation went: hi, hi, hi. Then she said, “Man, say something other than hi.”

“Wanna come?” he asked.

She replied, “Really or a joke?”

“For only one hour,” he said.

“Okay,” she said.

They met, but that night was different from any other night.

She told him she started vaping. He told her not to, that it’s bad. He said he started to have chest cramps from vaping and advised her to stop. Then they started hugging. For the first time, they had sex. He kept asking if she was comfortable. They finished, and she left.

During those two weeks, she started to look for a therapist so she could understand herself and learn how to express her emotions, but that needed time. She went for a faster solution and vaped for the first time, although she knew she wasn’t allowed to, but she bought one anyway.

As time passed, her body started to give her warning signs due to the vape. She has anemia, so she simply threw the vape away.

A week passed. He texted her, “Are you asleep?”

“Trying to,” she said.

He asked her to come, but she said they could meet outside (she knew he would say no). He replied, “You know I just came back home, it’s okay, just forget it.”

“Okay, night then,” she replied.

The next day, she texted him, and they met. That night was short; they just kept staring at each other, then hugged. She told him she was on her period and that’s why she looked tired. They kept hugging until he fell asleep on her shoulder. She woke him up, told him to go to bed, and said she would leave. She left.

A couple of hours later, he posted a story of a depressed man. She commented, “Man, this photo says a lot.”

He replied, “I am okay.”

She replied, “You know I’m around whenever you need, even if it’s just sitting in silence.”

She feels bad for him, as she keeps telling herself that he is using her, but she isn’t sure yet whether he is honest with her or playing.

They both aren’t ready for marriage, and they don’t want to be a couple. Also, neither has feelings for the other.

I met a guy online a little bit ago and we quickly discovered we had a lot in common and liked talking to each other. We eventually made plans to meet in person. (We confirmed we both were who we said we were and did all the proper safety steps like meeting in public etc) I traveled to where he lives. ( I know now that I should have had us meet halfway in a neutral location but it is what it is now.) we met in a public location and we had hugged and kissed and chatted a bit. He was very sweet but it was a little awkward. I figured maybe we just needed to get used to the in person dynamic. Things improved after a little bit of talking.I was feeling more confident. This is where things went south, I know I shouldn’t have but I did let him convince me to hook up with him at my hotel. I was incredibly uncomfortable and he even said he could tell I was uncomfortable. Not to mention it hurt horribly because he was very rough. He also said right after that he kept having flashbacks of his ex during it. We met up the next day for lunch and right in public he tells me he felt nothing when we did romantic stuff but he did like hanging out with me. I was floored by his coldness and the fact he would do that in a crowded restaurant. It was a relief in a way though because I felt uneasy about him to say the least. Intraveled home early and we have spoken since and he once again told me he could tell I wasn’t ready and that I was uncomfortable when we hooked up and that I was “lucky to have discovered that with him and he was caring enough to be patient with me”. I had tried to bring up some feelings I had from the whole thing like that it effected my confidence and he said it wasn’t fair to him for me to have feelings about the whole thing because he was moving on too. Am I wrong for feeling so torn up and gross about this experience? What do you think?

So, yeah, I have eczema. I'm 13 and I've had it since I was 3, so, it's been a decade. Mine can be red, flaky and swollen if I don't apply creams, but when I drink some antihistamines, put some steroid creams, and when it's only flaky I put moisturizer, I have minimal scarring, more like minor pigmentation. And no flakes, weirdly enough. Only side effect is acne similar to rosacea since they don't look yellow with pus, but maybe that's cus I'm 13. I got a blood test, and my mom told me the doc said I have an allergy to dust and cat fur, which happened a year ago, in Malaysia at Christmas, in one cafe, they had one fat cat, and when I was petting and rubbing, my eye swelled up in the hotel and I started feeling bad. That allergy came out of nowhere! And because I'm somehow way more analytical than my age (I wish I had the same amount as anyone else), I realized the atopic triad exists, and it's all lining up. I've had eczema since I was 3, and now I got cat allergy since last December. Only a mere year back! Asthma's next! It all makes sense because of the triad, and since my grandma (maternal) has asthma herself. So far my tonsils are apparently sensitive according to my orthodontist, and I often get tonsil stones every month. They're small, and appear less than last year, but I have huge crypts.

My doctor actually suggested biologics, because she noticed I use creams, before my mom declined and she suggested oral stuff, so I drank the fake-medicinal-cherry Predo and some other antihistamine, and I don't feel anything weird, besides them tasting gross. But I was panicking when I realized biologics meant NEEDLES IN THE STOMACH, because one lady put it in her belly like it was nothing, and months before, her skin was like an elephant's with scabs (no offense to her, but it looked really painful)! And I'm here like, "Great, now I'm gonna soon have my eczema-equivalent of insulin shots? What else is next, an inhaler!?" Great, I'm fragile. I have acne which my dad thinks is from dirt, eczema, allergies with swelling, and what else is next? Anaphylactic reactions? Asthma!? Man, I'm a china doll! I was even panicking about the asthma for a month. I even cried a few times, because I know of no one besides my grandma with asthma, and I've heard once you get it, it's lifelong, it can be bad, you can't do normal human stuff like wear wooly sweaters, or own fluffy animals, or go out and run without feeling horrible. And the inhaler felt like a CPAP, meant for people with bad illnesses. It just felt like a sign of weakness. I even came up with a full plan to eat so much sugary food, like think animal-style fries with jug chocolate milkshakes with ice cream sundaes, strawberry vape, and just give up! I'm fine now, but I thought about it then! Now I'm like, "Why? Why did I think that?"

It's just, it seems scary. Just, it may do it. It may have skipped a generation for mom, and 2 generations for dad (his grandma had eczema), but it may get me soon. I already got eczema. Asthma may come next, and I may live for about 70 years. My grandma being alive at 64 is somehow there. I may get it. I didn't get symptoms for cat allergies until December, and it's been happening ever since! Most recently, I pet a cat near a college, and my eye got swollen, my rash got worse, and I started sneezing. Just, even with the pet bit, I wanna have a cat, but now about the fur, I feel bad. And with lizards or reptiles, they don't have that sort of love hormone in them, so they're just seeing you in infrared and only see you as "Feed me, human". But hey, people make sacrifices, maybe this is one of them. Like, if you can't get a villa, get an apartment. But yeah, I'm doing better now, mentally, so please, don't panic about that bit. When I saw a Dupixent ad, it felt...interesting. They said the usual, Dupixent helps clear severe eczema in a few months with long-lasting effects, yada yada, but it also showed stuff like a girl playing some football, and a couple together, and they said stuff like, "Touch can show teamwork, touch can show love. We wanna make sure that touch feels like you and true." Welp, they are right that people will worry if I'm okay if I flare up. Who wouldn't? Last time I got rash on my eyelids, one dude in the pool asked me why they're red. He didn't inquire further, but still.

Like, one girl has perioral eczema, but she manages it well enough where I can't see it, but her lips are kinda dark with pink spots. One girl gets really bad reactions during peak summer. Meanwhile if I don't put cream, I get flaky-ah rash, if I put cream, I get acne on my cheeks, like small pustules, some are the red ones, some are blackheads. The doc suggested I take Dupixent, or actually biologics, but my mom doesn't trust her for some reason. Dupixent is a cure as much as Accutane is a cure. It's trendy, it's new, it's great. So why is mom saying we need to verify this with more doctors and not just one? It's not like vaccines where I could die, right? Why is she telling me to check with more doctors? Everyone with eczema uses it, right? I mean, come on, that lady had a huge glow-up! I bet she was able to sleep easier at night because she's not itching like heck at bed! So why is she asking for a second opinion? It's meant to be a long-term help for years, not a few months. While my eczema may not be as bad, it'll be cured by the needle. So please, whoever has eczema here, is mom being stupid or is she being smart? And tell me your experiences with finding treatment and living with it, I really wanna know. I feel isolated anyways with inherited atopic dermatitis.

My personal love languages are quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch.

Yes, a person can have more than one love language. And technically, according to the 5 Love Languages... Food isn't one of them😂!

Food most likely is part of all of them other than words of affirmation... Unless one uses foods to describe their romantic partner🤔. Or uses food to convince their romantic partner via analogies in conversation🧐.

Most people I've meet are hard to interact with in terms of the words of affirmation😭. I've seen and heard a lot of the rest of the Love Languages being preferred. But society has a tendency to focus on actions more than words. But I personally feel very loved if someone actually talks to me. Both in-person and texting and calling. I don't need to take up their whole day, but I'd like to talk with someone... Anyone... Who doesn't feel overwhelmed by my talking style or texting style 😮‍💨. I genuinely don't think there's anyone out there who'd remember, comment, and enjoy reading 2 pages of texts🫠. But I enjoy words... I really enjoyed hearing ones poetic self. Even if it's not profound... If it's original and coming from the heart that's all that really matters to me. Plus honesty of course... Cause someone can create and original and one from the heart, but sometimes the heart isn't always in-tune with the mind. That may sound confusing... And it's around 1AM. So, I'm a bit tired. So ignore any parts that you don't understand... Cause I starting to not even understand what I'm saying either🥴.

By the way, where are the bestest places to make online friends or find online dating🫠. That's safe and valid😑. Cause I technically, at the moment, can't leave the house due to social anxiety... And other reasons... But I'd still like to make friends. Even if it's not romantic partners🙃.

I don’t know, but even I’m confused about what’s happening. I hope... I really hope my suspicion isn’t true...

That I have a third eye. I don’t want to tell my family because I’m afraid of what they’ll say or that they won’t believe me. Even I can’t believe it myself...

It happened when my family and I attended the funeral of my dad’s friend. His daughter had died by suicide. I remember it was nighttime, and everyone there was busy playing card games and talking. I was sitting alone, using my phone, when I glanced at the coffin. I saw the girl's hand hitting the glass part of the coffin. I didn’t know if I was just seeing things, but after a few seconds, it disappeared like nothing happened.

Sometimes, on my way home from school, I see one or two kids asking for money. They look normal. I was about to give them some coins, but I was shocked when the coin passed right through the child's hand. Right after that, a classmate who was also heading home asked me who I was talking to and who I was giving money to. I told them it was the kid begging for money, but when I turned back, the child was gone. My classmate was even surprised and said they never saw any kid come near me.

I’ve been more “sad” recently, to the point people are noticing and calling me out for it.

Honestly it’s super fucking embarrassing hearing your extra help teacher asking, “Is everything alright? You look like something bad happened??”. And then your friends tell you you’re a “weird kid” and “your other friends think you’re weird” and those are the same people you’ve helped get real mental help…?

I don’t believe im a bad person..? I’m nice- I try to be positive in the worst of the times, but now I’m just free falling. And nobody’s here to catch me, like how I did for others. No one truly cares for me,..? And honestly it’s… fucking awful. It’s little things piling on top of each other. “You got 2 points off your quiz, maybe you should study more.” Okay that’s fair. “You got 85/100 what a joke.” It’s not even bad,..? I’m sorry you’re spoiled rotten, all those fancy fucking tutors and teachers outside of school, the way you go out to eat every week while I’m stuck eating the scraps. It’s not even that I’m fully mad about grades, it’s something deeper, NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH.

But one thing I’m so fucking mad and upset with myself with is that I ruined my school poem, I have such deep feelings I can’t get them out. I’ll attach it next.

Trees zipped by,

And rocks flung off the tracks

An unmistakable rhythm of a heart in my grasp,

With torn leather beneath me,

Shrieking breaks,

And murmurs.

My stomach was churning with anticipation,

And my heart stuck in my throat.

I crinkled the wrapper between my thumb and forefinger,

Soothing my frayed nerves,

Waiting to leave for the aquarium for the first time.

Excitement.

Excitement,

This is my excitement.

And it’s paranoia,

I overthink every little thing.

“What if I hate the fish? What if I get off at the wrong stop? What if-”

My thoughts were swirling together like debris in a tornado.

“This is supposed to be relaxing-”, I thought to myself,

The conductor cut off my thoughts with

his booming voice,

“Next stop, (blank) Station.”

I know I could’ve done better. I could’ve fucking made it perfect, but I would’ve crumbled if I did. And this isn’t just about fish, it’s about whether or not I’ll be able to be good. Good enough to be chosen. God this is so stupid.. this was really pointless but what I mean is that I’m so frustrated and sick of everything, the repeated failure.

(Context im a 13 y/o girl in 8th grade if it does anything.)

If I suddenly blinked out of existence, I know the world wouldn't change much. Life would go on for most people. The people around me wouldn't be much different if I had never existed. Someone else would be sleeping in the room I'm in. There would be someone else to fill in my empty chair. My friends would still be brave, resilient, and some would still have a tough time opening up. Even though my existence is very tiny in the grand scheme of things, I hope I have had an impact on the people around me, no matter how small. I hope I have given them something to make them smile from time to time. I hope that they remember me down the road. Even if we drift apart, I hope they still think of me every now and then. I want to be the little bit of light in someone's day that makes them believe that there is still good in the world. I want to be the type of person that others know they can come to when they need someone to give their honest opinion. I want to be someone that people can open up to without fearing judgment. I hope that my friends appreciate my quiet presence, and I hope they know that is how I show love. I hope that the people around me know how much they mean to me. I wish they knew how much I've thought about them, wanting only the best for them. Even at the expense of my own wellbeing. I want to mean something to someone. Even if it's just small compliment I have given. And it may be selfish of me, but I could die happily knowing that I had a positive impact on one person's life. I just want to know that I have meant something to someone. Then maybe I could stop telling myself that no one would notice if I was gone. Maybe then I would believe that my life hasn't been a meaningless existence.

The birthday celebration I had planned for my wife Jennifer on Friday was supposed to be a joyous occasion. I always strive for her gifts to be a surprise, which can be a challenge since Jennifer tends to open every Amazon package that arrives, sometimes spoiling the surprise if it's her gift. This year, I thought I'd outsmart the situation.

You see, my sister Laura and Jennifer have always had a rocky relationship, primarily due to differing worldviews and values. Their conflicts mostly stem from Laura's past requests for financial help, which doesn't sit well with Jennifer. Though I manage our finances separately, lending money to Laura occasionally from my personal account — never from the joint one Jennifer and I share — and she has always been diligent about repayment.

To avoid any accidental gift reveal this year, I decided to have Jennifer’s birthday present sent to Laura's place. I planned to pick it up the day before the big celebration. However, things went south quickly when Laura texted to confirm the packages had arrived, and Jennifer saw the notification pop up on my phone.

Immediately, Jennifer assumed that I was financially helping Laura again and voiced her frustration, labeling my sister as someone who relies too much on others and never manages her affairs well. This led to a heated argument between us, during which I blurted out that the packages were actually her birthday gifts, which only served to escalate the conflict. In my frustration, I declared that I would return the gifts and cancel her birthday dinner.

The following argument only grew more intense, and I followed through with calling off the plans and had Laura send back the gifts. Jennifer was livid, calling me a jerk, declaring the whole debacle my fault. This has left me questioning whether I mishandled things or if I was right in standing my ground.

Now, imagine if this whole scenario played out on a reality TV show. The cameras capturing every raw emotion and angry word exchanged could have potentially swayed public opinion - either garnering sympathy for my attempt at a thoughtful surprise or painting me as the villain in the drama of a soured relationship with my sister being dragged into the frame. The very essence of our private conflict morphed into entertainment for others could shift perceptions drastically, based solely on editing and presentation.

Did I act correctly in this scenario???

It’s kind of stupid. I don’t even really know how to say it, or why I feel the need to throw it out here. But here I am.

Today’s my ex’s birthday.
We broke up over two years ago. We were together for four. And still, every damn year, May 16th hits me like a total bitch.

I try to carry on like it’s a normal day, but it’s not. It never is. I close my eyes and she’s *right there*. The memories come rushing back before I can stop them. Not really the good ones, even though there were a few, but mostly the bad. The heavy. The ones that never really let go.

It was the worst relationship of my life. I’m really not exaggerating it. I’m won’t get into the details—this isn’t the place, and honestly, I don’t want to go back there more than I already am. But it was toxic. Emotionally violent. Draining in ways I still don’t have words for.
And yet—part of me is *still* stuck there. Still trapped in a past I hate with every part of me.

I’ve tried to move forward. Tried to rebuild. And on the outside, it looks like I have. I’m stronger now. Sharper. She’s been gone from my life for ages; we don’t talk, we don’t see each other, we live in different worlds.
But today, I can’t fake it. I can’t pretend May 16th doesn’t mean something. That it doesn’t *still* mess me up.

I hate feeling this way. This ugly, twisted mix of pain, nostalgia, and quiet anger I don’t know where to put. It makes no sense. I didn’t ask for it. I don’t want it. I don’t *deserve* it.
But it’s here. So I’m saying it. Because maybe it’ll helps.
Maybe dragging this invisible weight into the light makes it just a little easier to carry.

Do I want him, or do I simply just yearn for the feeling of being loved by somebody? Am I simply just bored, suddenly craving the attention of someone else while still having the full attention of him? I am a horrible person. I am undeserving of being loved; I do not have the capacity to be loved for anything but my measly little body. My frail feelings have me running in circles, eager to figure out... what is wrong with me? Why am I like this? I am undeserving of love. I see why nobody ever wishes to have me.

I'm struggling so much I have a boyfriend. A boyfriend of 1.5 years, and I have no idea at all if I still have romantic feelings for him. I always want the best for him, and I truly do want to see him succeed in life, but I just don't know if I love him anymore in that way. I've begged for months on end just for him to listen. to understand how I feel. He doesn't get it. He only wants to change when I'm beginning to slip from his grasp, and it's the worst feeling in the world. Only now that I'm starting to lose my care factor, he wants to fix the issue I've had for a YEAR. It feels so horrible. To add to that, my guy best friend is being really weird .. like oddly affectionate. It has me feeling ... confused? causing my struggle to worsen, even? And not only that, but he has been borderline encouraging me to leave my boyfriend.

I'm so confused .. lost, even. I don't know what to do with myself. It doesn't help I'm struggling with severe depression (5 years, ongoing).

(I'm not fluent in english so plz excuse my grammar.)

So..I have this friend who's so sociable—anxiety fears her. Let's just call her "A". We are in the same circle since grade 10. Our other friends are "C" and "D"

We both transferred to a private school when we got into senior high school. We did not get the same section. I got a new friend here in my current section and so does she. I only have 1 friend here due to my shyness or what so ever. We were so close and it feels like we're sisters. Let's call her "B"

Second quarter started, I let A meet B. They are not that close because B is more shy than me, but she's good at communicating. "A" changed when she got new friends in her section too. She lies whenever we ask her to go with us just so she can hang out with her new friends. She tells us that her mom did not give her permission to go out with us. Then we see her story with her other friend eating together.

So here's when I started noticing something to my other friends. Sometimes "B" and "C" refuse it when I ask them to go with me because I have to buy something or I want to spend some time with them. But sometimes, when I ask them if they could go with me, they always ask me if "A" would come too. They would say "Yes" when I tell them that "A" would come too. I'm so jealous. They won't spend time with me if "A" doesn't want to go.

This is a recent one. So, there's this one university I really wanted to go to. I told my friends that I wanted to go there before, I think in February. They said they wanted to go too. And now that we are allowed to go apply into that one university, they say that they don't want it now. I expected them to go with me. And then there's "C" I asked her if she would come, but all she said was "Is 'A' going too?" I asked her, "What if she will go too?" and she didn't respond.

I'm so jealous of that one friend, but I love her, I can't hate her.

I opened up to A. I told her that "B" is not who she is today—she's cold with me today, kept ignoring me, and was so quiet school. I even sent A my conversation with B. and all A said was "Ahh..so you're going out with her tomorrow?" in a jealous tone. I did not answer her because I know she knows that B and I would go film our project tomorrow. I focused on "B" not being her self today. I told her "I don't know what's happening to B." After that, "A" just sent a big big like (👍) and starting to ignore my messages.

They know I'm that "One" friend who always laughs and makes jokes. So when A get very sweet with B, C, and D, I ask her "what about me?" but she just rolls her eyes as a joke to me then say "Heh, who you?" or in our language "Heh, sino kaba?" It hurts me but I can't show any emotions like sadness because I don't want to be alone. Whenever she says that, I just say "I'm just 'my name'" then laugh. I always joke because I don't want them to know what's inside my mind. I feel left out sometimes too because B, C, and D always opens up on "A" and not me. I started to think that maybe it's because I don't know how to comfort a person? is it because I always joke around? I make my problems as a joke so they won't think it's real. Sometimes I say "Tawanan mo ang iyong problema" or "Laugh at your problems." I got this line on a song. I forgot the lyrics. I find it funny so I started to use it whenever I feel stressed out. They laugh with me too. I opened up to them that I can't express my feelings that much, that I can't comfort someone or I find it hard whenever someone opens up to me. I actually feel happy and sad whenever someone opens up to me because I think they trust me when they opens up to me and i feel sad because nga I can't help them.

I think they think that every words I say is a joke haha. I hate being me.

Hello loml. I still think about you up to this day and it doesn't get any better lol. I hope you doing okay.

Both of my parents have decided not to attend my upcoming wedding in September, leaving me completely devastated. I am about to marry an incredible woman, yet my mother has abruptly refused to participate due to personal grievances, and my father, estranged for nearly a decade and from a culture that does not accept lesbian marriages, is hesitant about attending due to potential discomfort.

My mother's reservation stems from having to share the space with my uncle who, in the past, reported her to Child Protective Services when my stepfather was abusing myself and my brother—a situation she had been hiding. Although the intervention was justified, my mother has harbored resentment towards my uncle ever since, and she accused me of betrayal for confiding in him. She insists on maintaining her boundaries, even if it means missing her own daughter's wedding. To me, it feels like she could set aside her grievances for just one day, but she views my upset as an overreaction.

The situation has left me both angry and powerless. I wonder if my expectations are unreasonable or if my feelings are validly profound.

Imagine if this personal turmoil were unfolded on a reality TV show—cameras rolling as each family drama layer revealed itself in front of a national audience. The viewers would likely be split, some empathizing deeply with emotional struggles and familial rifts, while others might view the conflicts as overly dramatic or fabricated for ratings. The episode would likely stir up significant discussions on family dynamics, personal boundaries, and the importance of support during significant life events.