Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Not a day goes by that I don't ask where she might be. I don't know, but I somehow feel like she'll return sooner or later. It's as if the distance we took had been a time for closure.

We became engaged, but she immediately asked me to distance ourselves. We didn't bother maintaining contact through other means. The one we had was simply our face-to-face meetings. She didn't bother with this aspect, and I didn't want to insist. I felt tense.

I don't know why it didn't go further, nor do I know the reason why she cut me off. It's the feeling that I make her tense because we're dating, and also because of the other people's needs. I have to admit, I felt that the other people didn't want our union, and it's a lie that people respect unions; they play a lot of games to destroy them.

Likewise, I left contact between us, despite everything, and I strategically managed to get her to store me among her contacts. I can't communicate with her because she's blocked me, but that already means she's putting me in a holding pattern and she can turn to me. I had to do it discreetly, so she'd have an excuse for blocking me, and not just leave me hanging or reject me, which would make my head spin.

The relationships surrounding her were definitely an issue for me, as well as for her. I was trying to get out of there. It's hard to give in to your personal desires when those around you pressure you to change the subject. I don't think I'm being a panderer or someone who's doing things in vain, but I won't deny that this is tiring. You can't tell anyone, and people, if they're interested in making you give in on something, pressure you to know; they're not interested; it's all at the expense of their own interests.

In fact, when we agreed or started dating, she was in another relationship that she still couldn't get out of. Deep down, I feel like she's looking for motivation through, well, a relationship with me, where she's not worried about what I'm doing or how I'm doing it. Of course, the perfect remedy is this distancing, but it's not routine and therefore isn't supported. Rather, the tension induced by the abnormality of the situation isn't understood by many. The fact that it's new makes it hard for me to share, mainly because it arouses terrible prejudices.

My boss even wanted to intervene in the matter, one I had, but since he wasn't attending the place where I was, and also because he didn't need it for anything other than his own fears, I ended up making up an excuse in front of his superiors, making him and another woman who was pressuring me look like a bunch of exaggerated people.

In short, the strange thing about the situation lies in, first of all, this distancing, which for me, as from what I'm seeing, is resulting in support for her, and at the same time, the persistent belief that sooner or later she'll end this distancing. However, now that I'm reading this, it doesn't surprise me, because I'm allowing her to live her life, maintaining stability regarding my anxieties, something she didn't even remotely have with her boyfriend. In the long run, this situation is a spur of attraction for her.

i hate myself because my family doesnt believe i have adhd and mental health problems even through i do have adhd and mental health problems because i am really getting overwelmed really quickly when i have so much do in the household

I feel like we can't talk at all, friends. I feel like we can't talk much on social media. We're judged too much. On Telegram, I'm judged too much. A strange guy came to judge me as crazy. To speak to me in charming, meaningless language. To tell me that what I write formally is hurting the group. Who does he think he is? I can express myself however I want. When I write these posts with beautiful formality, with the desire to see beautifully what's happening to me, what's happening to me, I feel that instead of inspiring him to be a better person, he actually backs down.

How is it possible that posts like mine, which offer such a detailed analysis of my behavior? Very pleasant, very detailed, very beautiful, and also written with refined data, can inspire such destructive criticism as to say that I'm hurting the group, that I'm making it difficult for the group to coexist. Doesn't he realize that what he's providing is an improvement? How disrespectful.

Why, instead of hindering good progress, don't you go somewhere else to do it? There was a guy who wanted to be my ceiling, and I didn't like that. I don't think anyone does. I hate that guy deeply; it doesn't do me any good. Those people who put a ceiling on someone aren't good people. They're always obstacles. By the way, there's a space on Telegram where they tell me that their space is the privileged one for expressing themselves, as if they were the superiors; it turns out I'm very distrustful. It's impossible that I found one of those people in an emotional support group. How is it possible that I found a guy like that?

The previous day, along with a classmate, they told me I was an artificial intelligence. That they should kick me out of the group for that. Can you believe it? I can't believe that because of my writing style, which is what I mentioned above, they considered me one of those things. The problem isn't that; the point is that they told me they should kick me out. How are they going to kick me out after expressing myself? How, after expressing myself through my beautiful writings, are they proposing to kick me out? It was something I couldn't believe. They were monsters. I couldn't believe it. The other guy I mentioned, the one I mentioned earlier, told me I was an artificial intelligence. He insisted, even when I told him no thousands of times. The guy I mentioned earlier insisted, despite being scolded, that I was an artificial intelligence. They even went so far as to claim that my writings couldn't have been written by a human being. I felt extremely offended, angry. I'd never encountered such an offense to myself.

It was like feeling like I had no place anywhere, friends. That my voice, my words, my desire to improve, had no place anywhere. It was one of the most terrifying experiences I'd ever experienced. How could they kick me out of anywhere for expressing myself? Besides a place of support?! It was something I couldn't believe. I wanted to die after that. I never thought I'd have such an experience, ever. Besides, my writing was beautiful, pretty, precious, and didn't bother anyone. They only considered it harmful because it bothered others, because their writing style wasn't theirs. Because I wasn't like them, should I leave? Or should I lower myself to being like them? Everyone's writing is a very personal thing; or rather, their improvement, because that's what I aim for with these writings. It's working with anxiety. How the hell could they frame my process? That's harmful to anyone's health! Both physically and emotionally! How can monsters like that exist on social media? I still can't believe it. It was a truly terrifying experience.

I just wanted to write calmly in that Telegram group. Relaxed, calm. And that's what happens to me. Also, for a long time now, I've been in need of consolation. I confess, I need to talk a lot. I feel very accomplished about things. I feel like I need to talk to someone, but they're not there. She's a girl who should have arrived a long time ago, but she hasn't. I don't know where she is, and I'm worried about her. I don't know what to do about her. I feel like something happened to her or something. I don't know where she is. I swore I'd leave her—I confess—so I could get her out of a negative situation, so she'd somehow reach out to me, and yet she hasn't. I've seen it work with other people, but not with me. Well, I'm being grim: I respected her space. I feel like that's why she should come. Knowing she's with a respectful person, who gives her peace, who doesn't control her life. Why isn't her life coming? Could it be that someone managed to control her life and I don't know them? I feel like she doesn't value the effort I'm making to wait for her. I don't know what to do to run into her. She was supposed to be my life partner, at least, that's what I expected. I feel like I wasted my time looking for a way for her to be with me, also for her pleasure. It can't be that she did this to me, it can't be that she's I'm going through this. This is hell. How could I have lost her?

I had a huge blackout that lasted almost an hour last month, and now I'm in the hospital, rotting on a bed. Professionals found out that I had an untreated anemia that had lasted for way too long and now it's actively ruining my organs because my body can't stock iron, causing me to be really tired all the time, my skin is really pale, I have difficulty to breath, sleep, eat and walk. My legs are shaking a lot when I'm on my feet and I'm always cold. To top it all, my periods are extremely painful and causes me to lose a lot of blood. Unfortunately, my body reacts really negatively to the various treatments, and now the nurses and doctors are stuck. They stay optimistic with me and my parents, but the look on their face each time they make tests with me, I'm starting to feel that my fate is sealed. I try to change my mind by reading and listening to music, even watching Youtube when I can but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel like I'm actively dying. I'm really scared, because I don't want to die without even reaching adulthood. I have all of my friends here, my dog, and my little brother. Everyone except my parents and my brother are already acting like I'm gone, even my friends, which doesn't help. The doctors try everything, but nothing seems to work out fine, or atleast it's not enough. I'm starting to lose hope. My mom cries a lot, because she thinks it's her fault, and my dad can't look me in the eye. My little brother is the only positive one, and I don't want to fail him by leaving him behind. Sorry, I sound like a whiny loser because anemia is not cancer or something serious like that, but it truly feels like I'm dying on this bed. I just needed to vent, because I don't want to worry my parents even more, and my little brother is too young to understand.

So, what would people have thought if they had seen this on a reality TV show? (I hope I did this right, I never used a site like this one before.)

Okk so the second half of the school year and damnn I have a LOT of free classes I can both come later to school and leave early and yk what I’m happy but here’s the thing WHAT DO I DOOOO??? My parents r so draining to be around and even as I was in school today I wouldn’t mind staying longer if it means I don’t have to be with them, but what am I going do tho?? Some days I’m having a special class in the morning so don’t have to worry about them but after school and the other days?? ‘Get a job’ I PHYSICALLY CANT ‘Volunteer’ good suggestions but something feels off I don’t have any friends so can’t chill at their house or hang out with them. Theres a library near but I can’t be there every single day till June??? I mean I could.. i have a lot of personal work to be done, ok good suggestions but what else?? And I lwk want smt far bc the only negative thing about my school is its way too close want to chill in the supermarkets near it? What if I see one of my parents?? Just chill near the park/grass area(well I wouldn’t do that people from my school there and way to awkward) and parents too. Take the public transport? PARENTS COULD ALSO BE ON THERE Theres a fast food place near the school but as u imagine near a school it’s gonna be always crowded so uber eats might be seeing a lot of me this year! Also connects to this - this Friday the 2 classes I have both teachers just said we will go see a show and like yh so basically a free day I don’t even have to go school WTH? I couldn’t have gotten this amazing blessing with nice and chill parents?? But lwk not wanting to see this show , it’s so crowded and just not a good space for my head , hopefully I can get out after I get registered. Maybe do a good delivery hmm anyway yh fine if u don’t have any suggestions thanks for reading too!

I feel completely hurt. I have nowhere to express what I need to say, and believe me, there's a lot to say. However, I have to respect boundaries, because these are often just chat rooms, not places for venting. Now, all venting these days is also hindered by many apps, by the assumption that venting is a way to get support. But if we look at the concept, venting itself is support; it's not for a subsequent step. Openness is about context, and every context is a possible act, which, when put into practice, allows us to talk about this experience.

I don't feel comfortable writing on apps anymore, because you expect something more personal: something that feels as intimate as possible, something where we can connect with others in private. That's what often makes me angry on apps because of the comments. People perceive the lack of support as repressive, something they remain silent about, in effect, because their principles aren't aligned with what's being applied, nor are they the ones they share. They confront the fact that these apps start from the premise of being with us to establish their modus operandi. They understand that by being present, certain things are done, and this essentially consists of a kind of learned script. It's about being there, and being there means accepting whatever comes up, not necessarily trying to get closer to it. I feel that my current relationships have rebelled against this, and although I maintain the inertia of being this way, this realization makes me stop.

I'm afraid to share what I experience with these apps, mainly regarding the criticism of how they operate. People can read it, but the issue remains completely intransigent, fleeting, and doesn't lead to a collective awareness, even though it allows for a coexistence where everyone can coexist on these apps. What's relevant is that victim mentality where we try to make everything turn out a certain way, when the point is that the world should be for us to act according to the principle of allowing each person to reach their full potential from their individuality. As you can see, it's about allowing them space, just as it is for us, which in itself stems from what's possible. We can't aspire to a specific ideal; everything is within the realm of possibility because, even if we idealize, we are products of circumstances that lead to changes in the environment, and then in us, and so on.

I'll insist on the following: Who can we talk to about these things? These things should be, by any means necessary, part of the daily lives of the citizens of every town. That is to say, each member should live their life starting from and moving towards reflection on what life in society is, with all that this implies, and in which the structures lie. This allows us to observe, from our own experience, how we can participate and thus expand our horizons, whether within the same sphere but without reaching impractical discernments, or in other spheres, which allows us to discern the path taken previously. In principle, we see the difference between one kind of progress and another based on achieving a goal. We delve into those things that are superficially different but that always stem, like everything in life, from a certain generality. I believe this is what thinkers like Aristotle were referring to.

I feel that my eagerness to immerse myself in studies like these is for no other reason than to establish my position within it, that is, to gain a vision of the times in order to address them with care. For me, social standing is merely descriptive, and while it necessarily has consequences that must be considered, as it influences our progress, our true position in life is determined by who we are and what we face. This, in essence, is what allows us to feel our place. I know I sound redundant, but many fundamental things stem from this foundation, things that, precisely because they are so basic, often go unnoticed. At least, that was the case for me, and today I'm fortunate enough to be able to express it through this website.

It infuriates me that I can't express myself with complete freedom, which, for me right now, means expressing my anger towards the world, with all that it implies, within the context of my most catastrophic thoughts. And it is precisely because of this, this absence—this inability to establish a certain distance—that I have found myself completely immersed in these current impasses. If we think about it, turning the idea over in our minds, there are so many details that those thoughts don't see generalities, but specific things.

The world, and I say this with all due responsibility, is a whole that defies easy categorization. I'm sure some kind souls reading this are wondering why I don't write a book or something similar, given my writing skills. The truth is, I'm not ready yet, because I need to figure out how to translate these ideas for others within an institutional framework. I have my own ideas, and I think they're quite remarkable. I also have the right to express my opinions on whatever I want, and that includes myself. But today's readers are accustomed to institutional writing. I must admit it: that's why I feel so frustrated, and why I'm considering becoming an institutional member, but not before acknowledging this. I need my own perspective, to use academic language, as a translator of my own ideas. Even though it's the same language, the dialects make all the difference, and that's why we can talk about the foundation for socializing, and that's why we can talk about the foundation for making a living. Ultimately, every book is a social service, consisting of transmitting things, and I must nurture this communication, which is the basis for my books to provide me with some sustenance. Ultimately, being in society also requires a balance between those I know and those I don't, and with those I don't know, the only possible exchange is through bartering. Those I know, you could say, are the same, but we have to take what we know from among ourselves.

For me, there's nothing more unpleasant than being in a group where these words, which are meant to embrace and open the world, can't be shared. For them, what matters is achieving survival, a production process that results in quick fixes without much oversight. They think about the future without a foundation for moving towards it, allowing it to unfold according to life's whims. It's about establishing flexible structures at all times; otherwise, one might resort to the most entrenched cultural flaws. But like everything else, it becomes an exercise in engineering to overcome the obstacle. I regret having to leave them, but their shared focus isn't growth, but rather clinging to the past to prevent it from happening, when precisely allowing it is what growth is: opening doors.

I have no talent, no real passion, im average or below average at everything I do. I resent my friends because they know what they wanna do, they found what they like to do, they have talent or just happen to have a fixation w something, which I don't, im boring. When people ask me what I've been doing w my life I don't know what to answer while I know that question its just an excuse for telling me how much they've done with their lives, I have never ever achieved something for my talent or something like that. im afraid im going to die without the pleasure of having done something of value while everybody around me feels like giants stepping on me while they walk. It got to a point where I don't know who am I, what I want or what was I made for, I feel stuck and spiraling through this angry sensation of everyone just achieving everything they want while im rotting in my 0 potential.

i don't really know how to say it without sounding like i am begging or being dramatic but i don't have friends and it feels weird because i am not even sure when it happened!! i used to think people just sort of stayed around if you were normal enough and nice enough and did not bother them too much?? but i guess that is not how it works for me!! i had people before who i talked to in class or at work or outside for little things and we laughed sometimes and it felt like maybe that was friendship but then when the reason to see each other was gone they just went gone too!! not in a mean movie way or anything like that just quiet and normal and kind of boring which makes it worse in a way?? because nobody did anything big and evil!! nobody betrayed me with a giant speech!! it was just messages getting shorter and plans not happening and me saying maybe next week and them saying yeah for sure and then nothing!! and i also did that sometimes so i can not act like i am innocent and perfect!! maybe i am hard to know!! maybe i answer too slow because i get scared and then i answer too much because i panic!! maybe i make people feel like i do not need them and then i sit in my room thinking why does nobody need me!! is that stupid?? maybe it is but it is still my real feeling!!

i remember one time i bought snacks because someone said they might come over and watch something with me and i cleaned my room badly but proudly like i was hosting a royal event even though it was just me shoving clothes under the bed!! then they said they were tired and could we do it another day and i said sure no worries!! i meant it too because people get tired and people have lives and i do not want to be that person who makes everything about me!! but after i said sure i just sat there with the snacks on the table and felt like the whole room got bigger and empty in a really ugly way!! i ate half of them and felt sick and then felt guilty for feeling sad about such a normal cancel thing!! so yeah i can see both sides!! people are allowed to cancel!! people are allowed to have other friends and families and problems!! but i am also allowed to feel like i am disappearing a little every time i get left on maybe!! do you ever feel like you are not hated but just not picked?? because that is the part that gets me!! i am not fighting with anyone!! i am not blocked by anyone!! i am just not the person anyone thinks to call when they are bored or happy or falling apart!! i guess i am writing this because i don't know where else to put it; maybe that sounds pathetic but i do not think it is only pathetic!! maybe it is just honest!! i think there is something really embarrassing about admitting you are lonely because people start looking for what is wrong with you!! are you too negative?? are you clingy?? are you boring?? are you secretly rude?? and maybe yes to some of it!! i have bad moods and i overshare and then i shut up for weeks!! i make jokes that land weird!! i say i am fine when i am not fine and then i get annoyed nobody guessed!! that is not fair to people either!!

the worst part is that i still like people!! i am not sitting here saying everyone is fake and terrible and i am the only deep person in the world!! i know some people are busy and some people are shy and some people already have full lives and maybe they do not even know i am lonely!! i also know friendship takes work and i have not always done the work right!! sometimes i wait for someone else to ask first because i want proof they care!! then they also wait maybe and then we both become ghosts!! that is kind of funny in a sad dumb way!! i have been trying little things like saying hello more and not acting like every conversation has to become a lifelong bond!! i try to ask about people and actually listen!! but sometimes after a normal talk i go home and replay every word like i was being tested and failed!! why is it so hard to just exist near people?? why does my brain make a small silence feel like a trial?? i do not want a huge group or some perfect life!! i just want one or two people who think of me without needing a reason!! someone who can text me something random and not make me feel like i am bothering them when i text back!! i want to be able to say i am having a bad day and not feel like i am filing a complaint!! maybe that will happen and maybe it will not!! i am trying to not turn bitter because bitter feels like a locked door from the inside!! but tonight i am tired and i am admitting it badly!! i don't have friends!! i have people i know and people i used to know and people i almost knew!! and maybe tomorrow i will feel less dramatic!! but right now it feels true and heavy and stupid and human!!

Last evening, a group of us decided to check out a recently recommended eatery by one of our pals, Charlie. Honestly, I wasn't all that thrilled since I hadn't heard much about the place, but I figured at least I'd be spending time with my friends.

Upon arrival, I skimmed through the menu but nothing really caught my eye. Reluctantly, I settled for a small starter and a milkshake, while the others opted for heartier main courses. When our orders arrived, my choice turned out to be less than satisfying, but I went ahead and ate it since I was quite famished. On top of that, I found the pricing overly steep; the milkshake was tagged at $8 and the starter at $6, making my simple meal a whopping $14.

The ordeal began when it was time to pay the check, which was considerably high due to the lavish orders by the rest of the group. One buddy suggested we split the bill evenly, but that didn’t seem fair to me seeing that I had ordered significantly less. I voiced that I’d rather just pay for my order. While some friends were understanding, a few, including Charlie, thought I was complicating things. They argued an even split was simpler, whereas I felt it unjust to overpay for what I had consumed, especially given my discontent with the meal and choice of venue.

The discussion caused a bit of a holdup—about an additional 15 minutes as we figured out the bill since I needed to pay by card at the counter, and the place was bustling which further delayed the process. Some remarked that splitting evenly would have saved time, but in the end, I only paid my $14. This whole scenario left me questioning if I had acted selfishly. It might have been quicker to just divide the bill, but I didn’t see why I should cough up an extra $10 for essentially no reason. Does standing my ground make me unreasonable?

Imagining this scenario unfolding on a reality show adds an interesting layer. The tension and drama over the bill could have been amplified, displaying varied reactions under the pressure of cameras and an audience. It’s possible I would be portrayed as the antagonist for stirring conflict, or maybe as a sympathetic figure standing up for fairness in social settings. Reality shows thrive on these interpersonal dynamics, and the scene might have made for a compelling segment, sparking debates among viewers about social etiquette and fairness.

Was I wrong for wanting to only pay for what I ordered?

Heyah👋🏻😄!!

I'm headed to Lake Havasu soon, and I know nothing about that place other than my cousins live there🏡. And I guess I also know that there isn't an airport there🛬.

If there's anyone who's been there or lives their, could you send some recommendations on what to do there please🙇🏻‍♀️✨!!

And yes... I'm aware that I could ask my family, but they be busy people too, and I figured that if you had time to read this whole thing, then maybe you had a tiny bit of your time to share your thoughts and opinions on the place I mentioned😊🙏🏻✨?

Eat good food and drink lots of water guys😋👍🏻!!

I'm struggling a lot right now and my grades are horrible but my parents refuse to show any compassion or get me help. they're fully aware that I'm not doing well and that I harm myself but they just don't care. they took all my electronocs and money to make sure I can't do anything until I fix my grades, and we all know it can't happen if I don't get better. they have been this horrible all my life but now it's worse than it's ever been. apart from the fact that they're incredibly strict they also love invalidating me in every possible way. I can't do this muc

I'm a 21-year-old girl, and have always had a tight bond with my elder sister, who's 25, despite our frequent disagreements. She's a bit of a perfectionist and tends to lash out when things don't align with her expectations. Recently, she reached out in the middle of the night as she started labor, requesting I care for her puppy. I agreed, and she painstakingly laid out detailed instructions, one of which was to ensure the puppy wore its safety harness while outside.

Complying with her instructions, I later took the puppy outside then back in. However, I didn’t remove his harness immediately upon returning. He dashed into the living room where my mother was engaged in a FaceTime call with my sister’s boyfriend. I finished removing the harness shortly thereafter, but it wasn’t quick enough. My sister, informed by her boyfriend of the slight delay in removing the harness, sent furious texts accusing me of neglecting her dog. Her outrage escalated to a phone call, during which she branded me as lazy and unreliable, and demanded my mother and I vacate her home. Furthermore, she decreed we would not see the newborn until we had regained her trust.

Around 2 AM, we left her place. I attempted to discuss the situation with her boyfriend at his arrival, only to be dismissed with a curt, “We’re having a kid, you don’t get an explanation.” That night, consoling a deeply distressed mother, I pondered over the potential repercussions of my sister's actions—her boyfriend missing crucial moments at the hospital due to her unfounded allegations, the impression my mom’s torment made on her in-laws, and the overall strain on family relationships.

The next morning, my sister called to apologize, attributing her overreaction to stress and hormones, and invited us to meet her baby. Although the visit proceeded without incident, she questioned my subdued demeanor. I expressed how hurtful her actions were, noting how her hostility and the subsequent eviction left a sour memory for all involved. Instead of acknowledging my feelings, she defended her actions, reiterated her offensive remarks, and asked me to leave. Our communication ceased thereafter.

I can’t help but reflect: if this familial drama unfolded on a reality TV show, would the audience be sympathetic to my predicament or view it as an overreaction? The public often relishes dramatic confrontations but also values strong familial bonds and understanding, especially during pivotal moments like childbirth. It's unclear how others might perceive our situation under the heightened scrutiny of a televised platform.

I've been struggling with my mental health for a long time and despite this I've always tried to keep the most positive outlook I could, but recently I've felt as if that wasn't possible. I've always been weird and avoidant of people due to paranoia, anxiety, OCD, autism symptoms and emotional inconsistency which has made it difficult to maintain relationships. Suffice to say, I've gotten along with people to the point that I could show them an empty side of myself that didn't care whether he was hurt or not, but I feel like now that's the only part of me who can function with others. I like that part of me, and I feel like I'm okay as long as I trust him to take care of things, but I don't know how I'm supposed to live my own life.

I've always had a lot of things that I'd been passionate about but those things like drawing, watching anime, learning languages, learning history and pretty much everything except for math doesn't really have a place in my life anymore since I've started college. I can still enjoy my hobbies but I feel like as a 19 year old male, watching trashy shoujo anime and liking moe stuff is kinda weird. Having obsessions feels like something to be ashamed of as well and every time I get into something I feel like I'm always going to be stereotyped for it. Apart from that, my fascinations with dark things like gore and pain are obviously things I'll have to keep hidden. I've basically abandoned the notion of someone who'd be able to save me or be there for me because I know I just get too attached and mess things up in relationships like that.

I always had the notion that everyone else was in the wrong for making me feel like I had to hide, but now I think I'm at the point where I'm accepting that I don't belong anywhere. I don't want to change and I don't want to die but I can't live in society the way it is being the way I am. I used to want to change the world, but now I feel like someone like me, with all my issues would just make it worse.

Living like this, I feel like I'm slowly disappearing and like I'm giving in. In some ways it feels like losing the parts of myself that make me who I am is just a matter of course, it doesn't matter to me anymore because it's something I should have accepted a long time ago, but if I could I wish I didn't have to change to live.

I've never felt this way before

I'm going through broken heart syndrome

I said some mean things to my closest friend who I have feelings for

Basically accused her for lying about something

We discussed about my feelings for her and she told me she doesn't have feelings for me although she kinda misled me into believing that she did

But she values our friendship

I couldn't sleep knowing that she doesn't like me even though I felt optimistic that she did

After I said those hurtful things, she is seeing me in a different light, and saying that she can't even imagine being friends with me

We're co-workers and we're part of a friends circle

I can imagine things being different but it physically hurts me to think that we can't stay friends

So yesterday the Marching Band season started

I have a friend who's in marching band. she's three years older than me, she's really awesome and she has GREAT taste in music.

I met her last year in last year's marching band season. (last year was my first year.)

Also last year, I had another friend.

He was pretty cool. We met because of a mutual friend I had made during that year's Spring Trainings.

We became pretty good friends.

The music that year was really stressful. I ended up crying in the hallway, considering quitting, but he gave me a pep talk.

I started to really like him.

Then, in the middle of the season last year, he stopped speaking to me for no reason at all.

And then, yesterday, first day of spring Trainings, I had to see him again.

It hurt like crazy.