Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

To preface, yes, I am still a young adult, and logically I understand that I have many years ahead of me and many more people I've yet to meet. But I can't help but feel helpless about my current situation.

In brief, I'm deeply in love with my best friend and I have been for just over 2 years now.

As for the messy details, both of us were in relationships not that long ago, both with people in our wider group of friends. I broke up with my partner partially due to not knowing if I was ready for a long term relationship, partially due to festering guilt over my feelings for this friend (which I had since before getting into that relationship). He broke up with his because they didn't feel compatible, and he is aroace and wasn't able to meet their romantic needs.

To me, he is one of the most attentive, kind, funny, and wonderful people I have ever met. I am not a people person, and even people I like drain my energy. But I feel like I need to spend time with him to recharge. Of course, nobody is flawless, I just find him absolutely irresistible. Maybe it would be easier to deal with these feelings if they were clearly unrequited, as I assumed they would be considering his identity, but this isn't exactly the case?

He doesn't really drink, and even when he does he almost never gets drunk. The first time he ever got truly drunk around me was after we were both newly single, and he told me he loved me and that he felt a way about me he'd never felt for anyone before. I didn't want to take this 100% seriously considering how drunk he was (he didn't even remember saying it!) but he repeated it again later, sober. Since then, we have become very close. In my eyes, and in the eyes of those around us, we act essentially like we are in a relationship. Yet, we don't call it that. It's 'nothing official', and he doesn't want it to be anything like that. To make it messier, neither of our exes know about this, nor do our friends in that particular circle.

It's painful and confusing; to be held through the night and cooked breakfast in the morning, to be kissed and told I'm lovely, to be told "I love you," and know there is an undertone of "Not quite in the way that you mean it." (This is something we have directly discussed and that he has told me).

I feel like I need to be loved romantically and the security of a relationship. I am also not asexual and would like sexual intimacy he has no interest in—he will do some things on request but it seems more like a service to fulfill, so I don't really ask. I know this situation is not healthy. I just don't think I can bring myself to be distant with him. The time we spend together is when I can feel the most at home in body and mind, and he's helped me feel happiness like I've never felt before. He has quickly become my rock, especially as I have recently become physically unwell quite quickly, and he's taken on burdens in looking after me with no complaints.

There is no way I'm falling out of love with this man any time soon. I'm stuck like this, swinging between euphoria of spending time with him and insecure spiralling about his identity or lack of attraction towards me. He wants things to carry on as they have been, but I don't know if I can handle that. But if I were somehow able to tear myself away I think I would feel just as much pain, if not more, mourning our closeness. I think I'm doomed either way.

TL;DR: I am in a messy, doomed situationship with my aroace best friend.

This summer, a gang of twelve friends, including myself, decided to spend our vacation together by renting a spacious house. I was tasked with the collection of the rental fees so I could secure our accommodation. While several friends promptly paid their share, others procrastinated or completely dodged my requests.

Due to the delay in payments, the initial house we had set our eyes on was taken by someone else because I couldn't make the deposit in time. Scrambling to find an alternative, I stumbled upon another vacation home. It was equally appealing but could only accommodate eight people. Since I only had the funds that were given to me, I went ahead and booked it.

Weeks passed, and suddenly the remaining four friends were ready to contribute financially. I explained that the original choice was no longer available and that we'd settled for a smaller place. I suggested that we could make use of extra inflatable mattresses to accommodate everyone. They were not pleased, insisting that if they were paying full price, they deserved their own rooms. I pointed out that everyone was paying the full rate and it was only fair that we share the available spaces.

This resulted in two of them backing out of the trip altogether, while the other two decided to book a room in a hotel roughly 30 minutes away from where we would be staying. Needless to say, they weren't happy about the switched plans which I admittedly settled without their immediate input.

The rest of the group, seven to be precise, were perfectly content with the arrangements.

Honestly, I can’t help but feel conflicted. Was I wrong here? It seems logical to me that plans had to shift given the circumstances.

Imagine this scenario being played out in a reality TV show format. The tensions and drama unfolding around the decision-making and accommodations might actually boost viewer ratings. Cameras could capture the heated discussions, the moment of booking mishap, and even the reactions of the group as they navigate this less than ideal situation. It would be intriguing to see the broader audience reaction, whether they would side with the planner facing a tough situation or sympathize with those who felt slighted.

I'm curious, if I were on a reality show, would the viewers think I handled the situation fairly?

Hi, it's me again, X, here with another vent.

I've been boggled by the news lately about this universal Comprehensive Sexuality Education (CSE) that's becoming a worldwide standard. In the Philippines, the Senate is now discussing the Anti-Teenage Pregnancy Bill, which suggests that CSE would be taught to students. What's more concerning is the claim that they're considering teaching masturbation to children as young as 0-4 years old.

I mean, maybe it's just me, but I grew up preserving traditions and religion, and for me, isn't this just so wrong to do? I understand the importance of educating the youth, but introducing such topics at such a tender age feels inappropriate.

Moreover, I believe that to prevent children from engaging in sexual activities at a very young age, we should limit their exposure to such topics in the first place. Teaching them about masturbation and the pleasures of sex seems counterproductive. Instead of reducing teenage pregnancies, this might encourage them to experiment more.

Why not implement laws that hold parents accountable for their children's actions? Providing explicit knowledge and exposure to children seems like we're tolerating, if not encouraging, them to engage in such activities. If they were more aware of the consequences, perhaps they would think twice before acting.

Again, this is just me. I'm not into politics; I'm just thinking of humane ways to deal with these kinds of topics.

so my caregiver keeps telling me to kms and that she wishes I was never born, controlling where I can and can't go, controlling what I wear, eat, and drink and alot of other stuff, I dont know what to call it, like at this point I have all the councilling that one can habe and CPS isnt even listening they just believe everything my caregiver says. idk what it would be if everything like that is going on I mean I think its some sort of mental abuse but idk.

I'm a Respawner, and I've been planning on leaving this world via respawning and then leaving a stand-in behind. It sounds like a pretty cool and nice idea, but the thing is, the decision is quite permanent and could be risky if not handled carefully (imo). Respawning in general is pretty safe though, and Id be more than happy to respawn to my desired reality. But the struggles in my current reality are really holding me back and I barely have any motivation to respawn or shift realities. I barely feel any love for my desired reality and it's people and I'm wondering why I should continue.

1. I've been trying to shift for a year and a half. I've been trying to respawn for 2 months. I've spent and dedicated a lot of time to this lovely life-altering passion and hobby, and I'd be sad to leave it behind after all the efforts I've made.

2. I'm emotionally attached to my desired reality, to shifting and respawning and to all the people I've made connections with via channeling.

3. This life is shit and I honestly need better. Why not when I literally have the ability to make my life better.

I'm just unmotivated and angry and I feel like not fulfilling my dreams out of pure spite for the universe. But I've tried so hard and fought so much and loved a lot so I'm staying and I'm respawning this December. My plan is to shift to a waiting room and then respawn to my desired reality. I'm taking a calm, directed response to this and I'm trying to manage this at once. I hope my time comes on time and I get to be happy at home. See ya never!!!

Omg I don’t even know what to do. Like, I feel so freaking guilty but at the same time I don’t even know if I should tell him. My bf doesn’t know… and maybe it’s better that way? I swear I never meant for this to happen. I love him, like for real love him. But it was just one night, and it didn’t even mean anything. It was so stupid. We had this fight, nothing crazy but I was mad, and he was being all distant so I went out with my friends. And then there was this guy… I didn’t even like him like that, but we were drinking and talking and idk, it just happened. One second we were just laughing and then the next… I don’t even wanna say it. I keep telling myself it was just a mistake, just a dumb moment that don’t matter, but every time I see my bf I feel like the worst person alive.

I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do. If I tell him, it’s gonna ruin everything. He’s not the kind of guy who just forgives something like this. He’s gonna hate me. And I don’t blame him. I hate me too. But if I don’t tell him, then what? I just pretend like nothing happened? Every time he tells me he loves me I feel like he wouldn’t if he really knew me. And what if someone else tells him? Like what if one of my friends lets it slip or something?? Omg I would die. I keep thinking maybe I should just tell him first, but then I think about the look on his face and I just… can’t.

I keep going back and forth. Sometimes I think, ok, it was just a mistake, I love him, we can move past it. But then sometimes I feel like I don’t even deserve him anymore. Like, maybe I should just break up with him before he finds out, maybe that would be easier. But I don’t want to lose him. I just wish I could go back to that night and undo everything. But I can’t. And now I have to live with it, whether he knows or not.

Entertaining family and friends has always been a passion of mine, especially for festive occasions and birthdays. I am generally the mastermind behind the lavish Christmas gatherings and often the host for various birthdays at my place. I put a lot of effort into crafting a delectable menu, cooking everything from scratch, and ensuring the space is beautifully decorated. Since embracing the role of host a few years back, I added touches like Secret Santa for Christmas and sometimes organize games or karaoke depending on the event.

Prior to this change, our family gatherings were quite modest—just a simple meal that might include a barbecue, ordering pizzas, or enjoying traditional dishes and a store-bought cake for dessert. These gatherings were very straightforward: come over, eat, and then head home. There wasn't anything particularly wrong with that but having a deep affection for Christmas, about four years ago, I volunteered to host and decided to elevate the entire experience. Everyone was impressed and they showered me with compliments. Over time, my culinary and event planning skills have significantly improved, and I take great pride in the lively and memorable events I create. Soon, my relatives began to request that I host their birthday parties as their gift, which I gladly embraced. It’s worth noting that my immediate family includes around 9 or 10 people, making these gatherings manageable and not overly costly.

Now for the recent problem. During the latest events, such as the previous Christmas, and the birthdays of my mom, uncle, aunt, and my husband, I've noticed an unpleasant change in attitude among the guests.

For instance, I sent out detailed invitations indicating that the parties would start at 3:30 pm. However, some family members would arrive at noon, questioning why I wasn’t prepared. At my husband's birthday, they noticed that I was still setting up decorations and complained about the absence of food (despite being informed that it was an early dinner). They implored me to stop decorating and start cooking as they were hungry, which I found quite rude.

Ultimately, everyone started to meddle, eating snacks and rushing me to adjust everything to suit their preference, which ultimately dismantled my original plan for the event. The party did not unfold as envisioned, and after hastily preparing the food, several guests departed immediately after eating, leaving just six of us to continue the evening.

This pattern was repeated at other celebrations: arriving too early, criticizing my readiness, eating, then leaving.

This brings me to a recent conversation with my mom, who inquired about my plans for this year's Christmas. I responded that I wasn't planning anything due to their last display of ingratitude and my decision to step back, which sparked an argument. She accused me of being unable to "take a joke" and advised that I should "learn to accept help and adapt to our family's way."

The conversation was unresolved but left me questioning whether I was reasonable in my feelings. My husband supports me, but I'm curious about impartial perspectives...

Imagine if my situation were part of a reality show—how dramatic and revealing that episode could be! The cameras capturing every early guest, every complaint, and my frustrated attempts to meet unforeseen demands. It could really offer a unique perspective on boundary setting and familial relationships in high-pressure situations.

Are my expectations for family gatherings unreasonable?

The love of my life is not talking to me but I badly wanna talk to him but I don't wanna message him first 😭😭😭😭

Reading through all the tales of tricky in-laws, I thought it was time to share my own story about my future MIL, who I'm beginning to believe has a bit of a mean streak.

I'm 26, and my fiancé, who's 28, and I have been an item since our high school days. His father absolutely adores me, but his mother seems to have taken an instant disliking from the day we met. Despite my best efforts to warm up to her, she's remained cold and distant. The tension came to a head during a family dinner at their home meant to celebrate our recent engagement. While serving myself, she commented rather sharply that I should watch how much I’m eating to 'lose some weight' for the wedding. It stung because, although I'm no fitness model, I do keep active and healthy.

The saga continued when it was time to pick out a wedding dress. I had little desire to include her, but she pushed her way into the appointment. Every dress I tried, she disapproved. When I finally found "the one," she bluntly declared it the most hideous yet, claiming no man would marry me in such a gown. But I stood my ground and chose it anyway, which led to her storming out. Later, she called my fiancé, demanding he break off our engagement over the dress choice. I was livid, and after some time to calm down, I sent her a message. I told her plainly that unless she could treat me with respect, she was not welcome at our wedding.

My fiancé thinks I might be overreacting, but I believe everyone deserves respect, particularly at their own wedding.

I can only imagine how all of this would play out if it were being filmed for a reality show. With cameras rolling, her dramatic exit from the dress shop and explosive phone call might make for sensational TV, however, it could also invite public scrutiny into whether her behavior was justified or if I responded too harshly.

What do you think? Was my response too much?

I know the title is silly. It's my attempt to lighten what is bound to be a pretty depressing situation to write out.

So I'm autistic, but autistic in the way where it's almost -ALMOST- not a problem. I can speak well, I can go out in public and not visibly stand out if I try not to (unless I open my mouth), I'm smart and kind and not prone to outbursts. I keep myself and my surroundings clean enough. HOWEVER. I still need help. I can't open cans or use can openers, I can't hold a bag for long or it hurts my stupid oversensitive hands, I never got the hang of folding clothes or tying shoes. I'll forget to eat sometimes, forget to shower sometimes (though never if I have somewhere to be), and I'm totally nocturnal on account of the only friends I have being digital and overseas. People in real life don't stay, or worse, they do and they bully me. My diet is almost entirely beige, I can't use a bus without getting lost if the route is unfamiliar, the list goes on and on. The things I can do are many, and I love my hobbies no matter how unprofitable they are, but the few things I can't outweigh them by societal importance. Jobs reject me because I can't answer the phone or stand up for the whole shift, and I need to do only one or two tasks, not eight.

This is where the title kicks in - I like to joke I have Old Timey Disney Princess Syndrome, in that there is literally no solution for my problems that doesn't involve waiting for someone else to please, please swoop in and fix it for me:

Want my own house? Wait for someone with money to agree to live with me.

Want a job? Wait for someone to say yes to an application AND they have to agree to my limited scope of things I can actually do.

Want to go out somewhere? Wait for someone to be available to take me.

It's crushing me. I'm doing everything I can to try and move along - I want SOMETHING in my life to change, but it's like I'm on a treadmill. It doesn't seem to matter how hard I try, nothing changes. If anything, the situation gets worse year upon year. I've recently turned 24, so my job prospects are now the lowest they've ever been because I'm now competing with fully-able people my age who who finished university, and I couldn't even go because I got bullied so hard everywhere else.

I know a lot of people who will look at this story and go "wow. what a whiny victim, no such thing as 'can't', just get up and DO IT." and to that I say, "don't you think I've tried?"

Every single thing I have listed for you here, every single item, I have attempted to change or struggle through. I have wasted months or years trying to do things I'm simply not built to be able to do. I have worked myself to breakdown and therapy again and again. I have tried every option available, from self-employment to placements to toughing-it-out. I have tried left handed can openers, electric can openers, ring pulls. I have tried pre-bagged veggies in my diet, differently prepared almost every way you can think of. I have been on so many courses that my work coach has run out of courses to send me on. That is how hard I have tried, and still I have no results. I am exactly where I've been for the past six years.

I am still stuck at home with my borderline abusive father, doing all the chores as best as I can with very little praise for the effort while he comes home and passes out, and I have to accept that, because at least he's worked hard to feel so exhausted. I barely do anything except job applications and chores.

I had thought perhaps the answer was my boyfriend, eventually moving out to America to be with him, but uh...not anymore! thanks politics.

So now I just don't know what to do. I've run out of things to try, and I don't want to be another example of an autistic person driven to the Worst Outcome, but I don't know how much longer I can bear being like this without any change.

I'd appreciate any suggestions from anyone who's been where I am and managed to scrabble out of the pit.

I feel a little annoyed. I have nothing to do. I'm on vacation. Tomorrow should be a day I plan to go to work, but vacation takes me out of my routine. It's not something I enjoy. I loved being there at work. I felt like they were forcing my mind to focus on something else. Without work, I feel like my days will be the same, that I won't face anything new. Being alone in my house fills me.

The solitude of my house is overwhelming. I don't feel like reading or writing anything, even though I have that hobby, because I'm flooded with ideas. It's not a question of therapy, which has me very disappointed. I haven't been lucky enough to find a good therapist either. It saddens me not to have relationships that go beyond work.

There are two girls I interact with. Work is the only place where I have relationships because on the outside, they're barely a one-off contact, even though there are intentions from beyond. These girls only interact within the workplace, and the approaches that are appropriate for such events always involve the fear of losing out on a matter beyond the workplace.

I feel very sad. I have no one to talk to. I won't talk to my coworker or my boss, with whom I felt that supportive company. I enjoyed their games, their considerations, and those scoldings that reinforced order. I felt protected by this, as well as by higher-ranking authorities, who I feel respect me in a loving way. When I'm at home, it's just me.

My father may be there, who is the only person I count on, but I have to admit that nothing is the same for him. I barely see him once a week, and it's only to maintain the relationship as a means of supporting me with income. It's something I feel hypocritical about, although lately I've tried to keep contact brief so as not to raise as many hopes as possible for a future beyond such encounters, for a closeness that could pave the way for us together. These meetings, precisely, allow us to emphasize that everyone is on their own, as long as the economic issue is present, since otherwise it will become a struggle in which there will be attempts to disrupt each other's routine, just as meetings would be more numerous each week.

Frankly, I loved being at work. Now, my only friends these days are my walks, the television, and access to the internet, nothing more, where no one speaks to me knowing it's me, but instead I rejoice in more knowledge, which, for the one I have, is already overwhelming due to the fact that it creates a distance from others, which has long since tired me out. I have to admit that distancing myself from my reflections has given me the benefit of being more in touch with others, due to the fact that I don't sophisticate my language. However, I feel this has been a betrayal on my part, since I truly enjoy such a matter.

Growing up, my family experienced a significant change when I was 9 years old. My parents decided to adopt a sibling for me— a sister named "Lily" who was 7. Coming from a background of neglect, Lily was understandably timid and fragile. My parents and I went out of our way to ensure she felt welcomed and loved, showering her with toys and attention. When Lily joined our family, I gladly gave up my larger bedroom for her and even let her decide on the theme and cake for my upcoming birthday. I adored having a sister and fully grasped why she received more attention.

However, this pattern of favoring Lily's preferences didn’t end as we grew older. Every family outing or decision favored her choice, even the celebration of my own birthdays. Lily’s demands governed our family dynamics; any opposition resulted in her throwing tantrums. Although I felt loved and supported in other ways by my parents, Lily invariably came first.

Feeling overshadowed led me to seek independence early. I landed my first job at 12, opted to travel with friends rather than family, involved myself in various sports and extracurricular activities, and seized every opportunity to be out of the house. The day I turned 16, I took my driver’s test, bought a car the following day, and later attended college on the opposite coast.

Now established and financially secure, I revel in enjoying the luxuries and freedoms I felt deprived of as a child. My wedding with my fiance "Kip" was meticulously planned to reflect our perfect day. We decided on a unique color theme: yellow for my guests, blue for his, and green for mutual friends. I chose a dress with green embroidery, while Kip selected a green boutonniere.

When Lily learned about our plans, she became upset, especially with the yellow, which she claimed did not suit her. She flatly refused to adhere to the color scheme. Unperturbed, I made it clear that anyone not following the dress code would not be welcome. On the day, Lily showed up in purple, contradicting the agreed-upon colors. After refusing to change, I asked her to leave and threatened to call security when she resisted.

While the rest of my wedding proceeded without issue, my parents later expressed anger over my decision to exclude Lily, thinking the color scheme was a mere jest and labeling my actions as harsh. My defense that it was my wedding and my right held little sway, and Kip supported me against what he saw as unfair treatment by my parents. Reactions from other family members and friends have been mixed, some believing I shouldn’t have invited Lily at all, others suggesting I should have compromised.

Imagining this scenario playing out on a reality TV show, chances are it would attract strong opinions from viewers. Reality shows thrive on conflict and dramatic, emotionally charged moments like this. Would viewers side with me for sticking to my plans, or view me as overly strict for the sake of a color scheme?

How would you have handled the wedding dress code drama?

And, let's be honest... am I a bridezilla?

i hate it. the feeling of being seen, like actually seen, not just people glancin at you in the street or passin by, but when someone really looks at you, like they’re tryin to figure you out, like they have questions, like they see somethin in you that you don’t even see in yourself. it makes my skin crawl. i overthink every little thing, how i stand, how i move, if my face looks weird when im just existing, if my voice sounds stupid when i speak. every time i step outside, i feel like im being judged, even if no one is sayin anything. and the worst part? i know most people don’t care, i know logically they’re all too busy with their own lives to be analyzin me, but my brain don’t listen to logic. my brain tells me everyone notices, everyone sees, everyone is thinkin somethin. so i shrink, i make myself smaller, i walk quieter, i avoid eye contact, i make sure i dont take up too much space, bc the less people see me, the safer i feel. but its exhausting. always second-guessing, always panicking about the tiniest things, always wishing i could just exist without feeling like im being watched.

nd it’s not just in public, it’s everywhere. online, in messages, even around people i know. every time i post somethin, i think should i delete it? does this make me look dumb? did i say too much? did i say too little? every time i talk to someone, i replay the convo in my head a thousand times, picking apart everything i said, wondering if i sounded weird or annoying. nd it makes me not wanna talk at all. like, if i never say anything, if i never put myself out there, then theres nothin to be judged, right? but then that feels just as bad, bc i want to connect, i want to be a person, i just don’t want to be perceived while doing it. i don’t want people to have opinions on me, to see me one way when i see myself another, to misunderstand, to assume, to put a label on me i don’t want. nd maybe that’s the problem. maybe i dont even kno who i am without other people’s perception, nd that’s why it scares me so much. bc what if i don’t like what they see? what if they see the real me, and i don’t even know who that is?

Just a heads-up if the timeline or anything doesn’t really make sense, I am sorry but my memory of all the events isn´t all that accurate since the memories are from young age and filled with trauma.

I come from a broken and toxic family. Abusive father that left us when I was about 10 years old who kept manipulating and mentally destroying me for another year or so with sentences like "do you even like me and see me as your daddy" (which he told to me when he was leaving us and I was about 10 years old). Leaving me with mental struggles from a young age. From the memories I have of him when he was still with us, he didn´t participate in parenting in any other way than „I hear something is not right so I´ll go there and beat them “. Let´s say I was lucky because he wasn´t beating me since I was too young (about 5 or 6 at that time). Not the same fate had my mother and brother which is older by 4 years. Before he left us, he basically made my mother to quit her job to „stay with the kids “since he was earning enough and was paying for the mortgage of our house and after he left, he stopped paying for it fully. Which left my mother with 2 children, without a job and a house to pay for which she couldn´t afford. She ended up selling the house under-priced so we could move into an apartment but before that happened, we were staying at different family members for day or weeks depending on their willingness (this was going on for about half a year). After this was settled, she started looking for a new father for us and after some failed attempts she found an unintelligent loser who comes from a rich family and his dad is paying for everything and even employing him. This guy has no education or anything, but in the span of few years he started drinking and smoking heavily which was funded by my mother since he was getting paid a minimum wage and couldn´t afford his addictions on his own. After a about 2/3 years, he wanted a baby with my mother with the promise of cutting of his addictions which he ended up not doing and I have a younger brother now. I didn´t get along with this guy which is only like 10-12 years older than me at all and had multiple conflicts with him, one of them ended up with me calling police on him after he attacked me but was stopped by my mother. Luckily for him the people from police officers I called was his friends from the inn so he got out of it with just a warning and from that point our relationship was going downhill. My mother stayed with this guy for about 10 years in total before ending things with him for like the 5th time and hopefully this one will be the final one. My older brother got some serious trauma from our biological father and became really isolated and lonely which led to me being his pretty much only friend and I basically overtook the role of an „older sibling “and tried to be the one he can lean on to. My mother which is very aware of her constant failures as a parent to provide a „normal family “and all the stuff around became a real mess mentally which excludes both of my older family members from my ability to lean on or vent out to or ask for guidance. I struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts and attempts, self-hatred and loneliness. for a long time but I´d say I´m clean of most of it for like 4 years now. But my educational life wasn´t easy, I had no idea what I wanted to do in my life since I was really ambitious and constantly was trying out a lot of new things but almost always failing due to something and I never got any support or guidance from my mother so I felt hopeless.

After primary school I went to a secondary school where I was for 2 years before I started to fail it due to lack of interest and mental issues of that time, so I failed a year and changed a school. Pretty much the same happened but I was there for only one year and now I´m at my 3rd secondary school which I´m supposed to study for 3 years there. I´m basically halfway through but there are again some issues. I downgraded in the schools and currently the one I am at doesn’t have the best reputation since it has a lot of having unintelligent students and/or drug addicts. I was always a misfit but I didn´t mind, I enjoy being alone but on this school its different. I´m not alone, I am alone and being harassed/bullied without a way of fighting back Since I can´t defend myself physically because one of my classmates did and got kicked out of the school because „violence doesn’t have a place in school “and my headteacher and the school headmasters are powerless until they attack me physically which they are just not dumb enough to do. The end result of this is everyone I turned to for help in the school told me „I can´t help you, just man up and get through it “. I thought I had a solution for some time, since it is a school where they teach us manual work, we get the opportunity to go into a work while studying and getting separated from your class. I took the chance and was working for about half a year. Since it´s a seasonal job (we can´t really work in the winter) some time before Christmas I was told to go back to the school for the winter and a few days ago I was supposed to go there again for the first time after winter. The day I went there my supervisor told me I am fired. I was confused, but after some digging and deeper thoughts I realised that the son of the owner I didn´t really got along well with and he had a lot of friends and power over his daddy so that is my theory to why I got fired. Now to the current issues. I had a plan of skipping school during the winter so I don’t have to meet with my classmates. This plan was heavily supported by my mental state of getting physically sick, vomiting, having cold, and agonizing headache most of the time the day before or the morning of the day I was supposed to go to school. Which led to me having almost 80% of absence which is way too much and now that I am fired, I have to go back there basically without missing a day of school or I am out. The situation at home doesn’t help at all either. My brother dropped out of college but he got well paid job so now I am being looked down at by all of my family for being “unable to graduate even from secondary school even though I am smart” and getting fired. Few days ago, was my 20th birthday and at the day of a family celebration my close family circle gathered not to wish me or support me. They all came and basically started saying stuff like “its in the family that one child is a failure” or “you know, someone has to get paid a minimum wage”. But not a single one came and supported me, all of them just went to my 20th birthday and started mocking me and making fun of me. I feel absolutely lost and without a purpose with no one to turn to. So I ended up here on the internet asking help from strangers.

It takes a village. You need to work on building your village. I feel I have but many times it’s confirmed my village is not very robust or even existent. It’s heartbreaking. People are nice enough for awhile but then don’t (or “can’t”) show up when you really need it. What am I missing? What am I doing wrong?