Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

My wife and I have been together for a delightful six years. When we initially became a couple, she was quite slender. Over the years, she's put on a little weight. Now, she has a fuller figure, which I personally find very attractive. To me, her size doesn’t matter; she's the love of my life, and I absolutely adore her.

Earlier this year, an excellent job opportunity arose in my hometown, offering nearly twice my current salary. Considering our goal to pay off our mortgage, I accepted the job. Since my wife manages our home full-time, we spent several months discussing how this change would influence our daily lives. By April, we had a plan established: I would reside with my parents during the week and return to spend the weekends with my wife.

The initial few months of this arrangement were tough, however, I cherished the moments spent with my wife. Unfortunately, it seemed the change was harder on her than anticipated. She began withdrawing socially, stopped wearing makeup, and swapped her form-fitting clothes for looser alternatives. While her change in attire didn’t bother me per se, it was upsetting to see her struggling.

Last month, I decided to take the first week of September off from work to surprise her for her birthday on the 4th. Prior to my return, I went shopping for her gifts, picking out a light pink corset lingerie set with a matching thong from Victoria’s Secret—light pink being her favorite color. I also bought her some jewelry, flowers, and a Ninja blender she had been wanting.

I commenced my drive home on August 31st, excitedly revealing to my wife that I had taken the week off to celebrate her birthday. I teased her about her gifts being in the car, and eventually yielded to her pleas to let her open them early. When she reached the last gift—the lingerie—her initial smile faded. Confused, I asked what was wrong, to which she retorted, “Are you serious? A small? Are you fucking serious?” I explained that it had always been her size, but we could easily exchange it if needed. Her reaction escalated quickly; she began crying, locked herself in our bedroom, and furiously told me not to touch her when I attempted to comfort her. Her accusations flew, asking if she was just an object or a plaything to me, which was never my intention. Hurt and bewildered, she demanded that I leave, claiming I had ruined her birthday.

Looking back, I can only imagine how this would play out if it were part of a reality TV show. Likely, the viewers would split, some sympathizing with my intention to please and surprise her, while others might criticize the choice of gift considering the sensitive nature of women's sizing. Reality TV thrives on such personal dramas, but the real focus should remain on understanding and communication in such situations.

bassically, its only like the third day back at school? and my mental health has already plumetted. like people decide to just drop their shit on me and run like its the wind. one of my friends wont stop traumadumping whenever I'm near. and another is just going around showing videos of him cutting himself. and everyone is just constantly dropping their trauma onto my back without asking. nor do they ever consider it might be fucking triggering.

Okay, so about the end of the school year last year I met a boy, we were long distance but we only live 40 mins away but neither of us had a way to see each other so we never did but we loved each other so so much. He used to be a drug addict but he started going to therapy for it ( I pushed him to go because he started looking very unhealthy.) eventually he quit and he’s been clean for a couple months now (from what I know) long story short he ended up ghosting me and we haven’t talked since last year. At least that’s what I thought, well I was under very strict rules at my house, I didn’t have a phone, all devices at 6pm in moms room, no seeing friends on school days, bedtime for me was8pm, stuff like that but I had an idea just to use Gmail to text him on my school iPad on an email I had made, so that’s the only thing we could communicate on, so FaceTiming became google meets, changed his name on it to Hailey so if I was on a call with him my parents would think it’s a girl, going out to friends was sneaking off and having them cover for me, yk the good old “strict parents raise sneaky kids” hits hard, but he’s changed since then, a lot. See, I’m 16 soon to be 17 and he’s newly 18. He had a scar on his chin that I’ve never seen before and I saw it and asked him about it, and before he answered I said that I have to same kind on my chin as well, saying it was from when I was a baby, when I asked after he then said “I got shot” i was so confused and scared, was it from a cop? Was it a robber? What happened? Hes completely changed his slang and his personality, yea I would be happy but he didn’t change for the better. He wasn’t the sweet, sensitive, loving boy I knew. He was more like a gang membe. He kept telling me how someone’s currently trying to kill him, and I’m scared that since I’m with him now I’m gonna get involved. Like what if me and him are at the park and that person sees? Will they come after him only or me as well? I’m not sure where this is even going just, I needed to vent about how much I miss how he used to be. He’s trying to make me do gang signs, he’s listening to drill rap (murder/drug music) and I’m scared he’s gonna never be the way he was. He use to tuck in his phone when he had to go. (mostly around 9 but I got super tired around then so he’d tuck in his phone till he got back) he would stare at me with love and I could tell, his eyes would look at me like I was the only person in the world, the big eyes, the smile, the eye contact, everything. He’s started calling me ml, I think it’s super cute because he acts all tough and scary but around me he’s sweet, he lets his guard down and i can just feel his love. But I felt it way more back then. For example, one time I told him that a song reminded me of him (what would I do by strawberry guy) and I told him to listen to it. He then replied 2 minutes later, calling me and crying that I make him feel so special compared to literally anyone and how he feels like I love him more than I could anyone, he even texted me saying “I’m sorry, I don’t want to make you mad.” I asked why and his answer crushed me in the best way possible. He said, “I said sorry because I don’t want to lose you. You have a special place in my heart and it’ll never leave even if you do.” And I broke down crying right there right then. He doesn’t even know it either, then when I re-showed him the song a little ago he said “oh yea I remember, nice song” and I felt my heart being squeezed. Nice song? What happened. I’m wondering if I did it to him, since I left him (I didn’t as I explained) and then he went on to change his behavior because he didn’t have anyone to talk to. But now he’s not responding and he still hasn’t. (3 days and he hates not talking to me and texts me every time he can) I don’t wanna be ghosted again or left. Otherwise we got close again for no reason. What do I do here?

I can't love someone without feeling totally insignificant, small and useless next to them. I automatically start to distance myself because I feel that this person deserves someone better, they would be better off without me, they don't need me, I'm nothing special and I'm nothing compared to them, I hate feeling this way , I don't want to push away the people I love, I don't want to push away, but I do when I start to feel insignificant next to them, when I start to think that maybe at any moment they will realize that I'm worthless and will leave me, maybe they deserve something much better than me, that anyone is better than me. I want to love someone without feeling less, without feeling that that person will leave me at any moment for the same reason.

i been askin myself this like everyday lately, why don't i have friends? it’s not like i’m mean or rude or anything. i try to be nice to ppl, i smile when i walk past them, i even try to jump into conversations sometimes but it’s like nobody really notices me. everyone at school got their group, their ppl they laugh with, eat lunch with, hangout after classes and here i am, sittin by myself most days. sometimes i pretend like i’m busy on my phone or i’ll act like i’m studyin so it don’t look so sad but fr it hurts. i see kids i grew up with, ppl who used to come over my house when we were little, now act like i don’t even exist. and idk what changed. maybe it’s me. maybe i got boring or weird or somethin and nobody wanted to tell me.

i keep thinkin about what i’m doin wrong. maybe i dont dress cool enough, maybe i say dumb stuff without meanin to. or maybe i’m just not interesting. i dont have crazy stories to tell or a million tiktoks to share like other kids. i mostly just stay home, play video games, watch youtube. nd when i do try to talk, it’s like the convo just dies. like i don’t kno what to say to keep it goin. nd when i do get invited to stuff (which is like once in a blue moon) i get so nervous i end up makin an excuse not to go. like what if i go and it’s awkward? what if they laugh at me or just ignore me the whole time? it's easier to just stay home sometimes but then i’m just stuck wonderin why i’m alone again. it’s a stupid cycle and i hate it.

social media makes it worse too. everybody postin pics with their friends at parties, games, whatever. group selfies, funny videos, inside jokes i’m not part of. i try to not let it get to me but it does. it makes me feel like there’s somethin wrong with me. like im broken or somethin. nd the more lonely i feel, the harder it gets to even try anymore. some days i tell myself i dont need friends, like whatever i’m fine on my own. but then i'll hear ppl laughin in the hallway or see a group hangin out and it hits me all over again. humans are supposed to have people, right? nd i dont. not really. just me and my stupid thoughts tryna convince myself it’s not a big deal when deep down it is.

i dunno if it’ll always be like this. maybe when i get older i’ll meet ppl who get me. or maybe i gotta change somethin about myself first, i really don’t kno. all i kno is right now, it sucks. it’s like standing in the middle of a crowd screamin inside but nobody even looks your way. i wish makin friends was as easy as it looks in movies, like u just bump into someone and boom, besties for life. but in real life, it’s messy and hard and sometimes it don’t happen at all. nd im just tryin to hold on to hope that maybe, just maybe, there’s ppl out there who’d wanna know me too. i just gotta find em. someday. i hope.

any advices guys???

My friend has been complaining about their life for the past couple of years and at times it feels like everything is unfair to them over and over again. I have been supportive and listen to them while they complain about what they are going through, but when I want to complain about my issue or try to change the topic they don’t get interested or upset when I do that. I’ve helped them at times but I don’t think they listen to my advice at all. I just want them to stop complaining for a while so we can enjoy talking to each other again without one of us getting upset about it. That’s all I want.

I recently found myself in the role of a bridesmaid at my friend Clara's wedding. Clara and I go way back to high school; although we don't see each other often, it was still special to be included in her big day. She had also invited a group of our mutual high school friends, many of whom I hadn’t seen since starting university.

Just before the bridal shower, I discovered I was pregnant. This was particularly poignant as I had suffered a miscarriage after announcing my previous pregnancy not long before. Understandably, my boyfriend and I were cautiously optimistic this time around, agreeing to keep it quiet until we felt more secure in the pregnancy's progress.

During Clara’s bridal shower, the maid of honor encouraged a drinking game. I steered clear from alcohol, opting for water, and excused myself from drinking using the excuse that I had an early morning the next day.

All was well until halfway through the party when our tipsy friend, Carla, offered me a shot. I politely declined, but she was persistent, even whimsically offering to wake me up in the morning. Despite my refusals, she jokingly questioned if I was pregnant, to which I hesitantly responded with a flustered no. Sadly, my reaction sold me out. Carla loudly outed my pregnancy, leading to an unplanned flurry of congratulations from everyone.

Though the spotlight unexpectedly turned on me for a moment, I was keen to deflect the attention back to Clara. It was her celebration, after all, not mine. I managed to brush off the congratulations, assuming the alcohol might help everyone forget by the next day.

I wasn’t really enjoying the party since I wasn’t partaking in the drinking, and decided to leave early. A couple of days after, Clara texted me, expressing her disappointment about me choosing her bridal shower to announce my pregnancy. I quickly explained that it was unintentional and that Carla was actually to blame for blurting it out. I apologized hoping she would understand the mix-up.

Imagine this scenario played out on a reality show. It would probably churn up quite the drama, with cameras zooming in on everyone’s reactions. Close-ups on Clara’s surprised face, the amusing confusion amongst guests, and the inevitable sideline interviews where each guest gives their exaggerated take on the situation. The episode would probably be marketed as a shocking reveal with all the ensuing misunderstandings and confrontations making prime time entertainment. It’s bizarre how real-life misunderstandings could be someone else's reality TV gold!

Tonight, my brother invited his girlfriend over for dinner, which turned out to be an unusual evening. My family, being Taiwanese, typically uses chopsticks at meals, and this standard practice was at the center of tonight's drama. This was the first time I was meeting my brother's girlfriend, who is Caucasian, and without thinking much about it, I handed her a pair of training chopsticks while setting the table.

She seemed puzzled at first, then politely thanked me and didn’t make a further comment. I proceeded to finish setting up the table and didn't think much of my action. As we sat down to eat, my sister, who is 19, asked my brother's girlfriend if she had ever used chopsticks before or if she would prefer a fork instead. That’s when the girlfriend revealed, "I'm actually pretty good with chopsticks! I just got handed the training ones for some reason." Suddenly, everyone turned to look at me; I could feel all eyes on me at that moment. All I could muster was a bewildered response stating it seemed like "a logical assumption.”

Feeling the awkward tension, my mom quickly intervened, fetching her regular chopsticks. The dinner continued, but the atmosphere had changed. Later, my mom pulled me aside to quietly express her displeasure. She mentioned that my action might have made my brother’s girlfriend feel unwelcome or under assumption, pointing out that it was embarrassing and urging me to be more considerate in the future.

Imagine if this whole situation played out on a reality show. Picture the cameras zooming in as everyone’s gaze shifts towards me, the slow-motion replay of my confused girlfriend's expression, and the dramatic music as my mother retrieves the regular chopsticks. The viewers would probably be split; some might sympathize with my naive presumption, while others might cringe at the faux pas. No doubt it would make for an engaging episode, filled with awkward dinner scenes and family dynamics, sparking debates and social media buzz about cultural assumptions and personal sensitivities.

My 30th birthday dinner was meant to be a special occasion. Planned as a joyous family gathering at a restaurant, it was essentially the highlight of my birthday celebrations since I hadn’t organized a party. However, events took an unexpected turn earlier today when my brother and his wife called me, bubbling with excitement to share their news of expecting a baby. Naturally, I was overjoyed for them and we went through all the customary celebratory conversations. But then, they dropped a question that caught me off guard. They wanted to know if I would be okay with them announcing their pregnancy to our parents during my birthday dinner, explaining that since his wife had been feeling nauseous and wasn’t drinking, it would make sense to share the news now. They assured me they could wait and announce it at another family-focused event if I preferred.

The mere fact that they asked this of me stung a bit. It’s not been easy celebrating personal milestones recently, with numerous past birthdays ending in disappointment and my university graduation being overshadowed by the pandemic. Turning 30 felt monumental, especially considering I don’t plan on the traditional milestones of marriage or children anytime soon. With these thoughts heavy on my mind, I asked for some time to think and promised to call them back.

Feeling somewhat cornered, I decided it would be best if they didn’t share their news at my birthday dinner. They seemed to understand, but when I expressed how their request had put me in an awkward position, the conversation quickly soured. They became defensive and my sister-in-law even raised her voice. The call ended on a terse note, leaving me more distressed than before.

This upheaval completely soured my mood and the thought of sitting through a dinner pretending to be cheerful was unbearable. I ended up calling my parents to postpone the dinner, unable to provide a full explanation, which led to their obvious frustration and the reservation’s cancellation fee.

In a bid to clear the air, I reached out directly to my brother. I tried to explain the depth of my feelings and questioned whether he would have made such a request if it were another significant celebration, like an engagement dinner. The conversation was a long one, with pauses and equivocations, but it ended with my brother apologizing, though the damage was done.

Our rescheduled dinner now won't happen until far after my actual birthday due to my brother’s job constraints, making the whole event feel somewhat pointless.

On top of it all, the backlash from the family for the dinner being delayed and the resultant unpleasantness has been directed at me, making me question if I am the one at fault here.

Imagine if this scenario had unfolded on a reality TV show. The dramatic phone calls, the tense family dynamics, and the emotions riding high could have made for quite the episode. Viewers likely would have been split—some siding with me over the importance of respecting my birthday wishes, while others might argue that family news could enhance the celebratory atmosphere. The debates would swirl not just within the confines of my family, but across social media platforms, as the public weighed in on the family drama unfolding on screen.

Would you have let your siblings announce their pregnancy at your birthday dinner?

I sit here at 5:30 in the morning—about 12 hours before I celebrate Friendsgiving with all of my friends. I made my mom’s famous deviled eggs. I hope they taste just as good as hers, but I won’t know this year. Only my taste buds and my heart will know, since we always measured with love and tasting as we went.

My mom passed a little over two months ago, and I can say that losing a parent never gets easier—at least in my experience, it seems to be that way. Oddly enough, my dad’s anniversary is on Thanksgiving this year, and he passed the day after almost five years ago.

I haven’t been able to sleep a wink. I’m tired, but with no signs of going down any time soon. I lie awake thinking of my mother’s last moments and hurting over all the ways she could’ve died. But life gave her the worst hand with cancer.

My poor mama. My strong mother who was still strong in her last days and moments—always holding on. I sit here missing her more than ever. Knowing she’s not with me this year, cooking with her and celebrating Thanksgiving—even after Dad’s passing—is the worst thing ever.

I’m grateful that tomorrow I get to spend it with all my close loved ones. But fuck, guys—this fucking sucks. There’s nothing I wouldn’t give for a loud Thanksgiving where everyone was in the house being loud, a movie always playing in the background, and giving the cats a little turkey.

I’m so grateful that even though my relationship with my parents wasn’t perfect, they loved, nourished, and did the best they could. I wish I could’ve told my dad that if I were given the chance. But I lost him too young to really understand life. Same with Mom—but you grow up more and more as you lose people.

I’ve been crying all night, just mourning, and I felt like I needed to type something out. I’m sad and hurt, and the world keeps on turning. But there’s one thing that keeps playing in the back of my mind.

I remember a crazy night at a festival. I was, of course, indulging in recreational substances, and I was trying to tell 20-something of my friends—my dearest boos—which some of them definitely remember from that evening. And in the best way possible, I’ll try to tell you what I said in a more coherent way (lol):

Remember where you are right now. Even if we come to this place once a year, and while it might not be enough for us, it’s all we have. And those moments are eternal, and they will always be there. I don’t ever want to go a moment without knowing you, and if this one moment is all I have, then we must make the most of it.

What I’m trying to say is that at the end of the day—whether you’ve lost your “tribe” or lost a member—remember those moments that no one can take away from you.

i'm sitting here at my desk, staring at the blank document on my screen, wondering, am i really losing my edge? am i depressed or just lazy? it's baffling to me how, year after year, i've noticed this creeping loss of motivation at work, and the worst part? i can't pinpoint why!! for a 31-year-old guy working in IT, motivation is supposed to be my fuel, but for some reason, it feels like i've been running on fumes. i used to innovate, execute tasks with precision, and thrive in problem-solving scenarios. but now... it's like my engine's stalled and i can't find the damn key! why is that???

is it just age? i can't deny, as a male growing older, perhaps there are societal expectations that weigh heavily on my shoulders, but still, that shouldn't kill my drive... should it? my workflow has become such a mess. i manage to perform the minimal viable operations — barely making deadlines, ticking off tasks like a robot on autopilot. it's such a grind, and i find myself asking, what's the point? where'd my thirst for success in this industry go? is this some kind of existential problem?? i'm getting tired of hearing myself think all these "whys" without answers! getting ported from one project to another doesn't help either — continuity's dead in my professional life. but, truth be told, it's not external forces dampening my spirit; it's something internal.

could it be that i've hit a saturation point? is this how burnout feels? maybe i just need a break. stepping back might offer fresh perspectives, but i feel guilty! guilty for not being 100%... this loop's annoying — when i slack, i feel awful, but when i hustle, motivation peaces out. hell, it's a frigging paradox!!! is this common? do other people feel this tug-of-war? i think back to when i started in this field, enthusiasm sky-high. pipelines, coding, debugging — all were thrilling challenges. but now, they feel mundane. i'm not trying to be dramatic or entitled, i'm genuinely perplexed, questioning my state of mind. or perhaps industry's changes have left me jaded without realizing???

the worst part is, i'm caught in this limbo of indecisiveness. will making a drastic change fix things, or is it something i need to address internally first? therapy's crossed my mind, but am i ready to say i'm depressed? what if i'm really just a lazy bum??? but then, when i'm not working, this sense of guilt eats me alive. it's not like i hate my job — i still find aspects engaging, but the drive's disappeared. isn't that crazy?? people say, follow your passion, but what do you do when one's passion dwindles?? it's not encourage that i lack — colleagues and bosses have been supportive! it's like having all the resources with zero desire to utilize them.

this is the part where i'm supposed to figure it all out and give a massive, life-changing revelation. sorry to disappoint, but truth is, i'm still clueless!! am i depressed, lazy, or in need of a career pivot? can't tell. i'll keep pondering, trudging through, hoping answers will come eventually. for now, venting's all i got. meanwhile, i'll keep asking, do others deal with this crap too?? or am i an anomaly? would be interesting to know... let me know if you've been in a similar boat... and how the hell you managed to sail out of it! 🤔

Three months ago, a new co-worker joined us at the office. We'll call her Sharon for anonymity's sake. Sharon quickly made a good impression, which is partly why I'm in a dilemma about the current situation.

At our workplace, we have a welcoming tradition, where after a new employee completes their initial probation period, we celebrate with a team lunch. Sharon recently passed her probation, and understandably, we organized a lunch outing to mark the occasion.

During the lunch, conversations flowed and eventually led to the topic of pregnancy and childbirth. Several colleagues shared their experiences, discussing the joys and emotional moments associated with their pregnancies. Though I participated in the conversation, I didn't share any personal stories. Sharon seemed to pick up on this and addressed me directly.

Sharon: “You had twins, right? That must have been incredibly special.”

I managed a smile and remarked on how I wished I had enjoyed my pregnancy and childbirth as much as everyone else seemed to have. Let me be clear, I wasn't sarcastic at all.

The truth is, my own experience was far from pleasant. Instead of magical, it was a nightmare filled with severe morning sickness known as hyperemesis gravidarum, excruciating migraines, and constant metallic taste that seemed to linger forever. The birth itself wasn't any easier—complications kept me hospitalized and away from my newborns during their first critical days.

Needless to say, I found no joy in those moments. However, I chose not to delve into these details with Sharon, giving only a vague response. Afterward, Sharon's demeanor towards me changed significantly. She became rather curt, and when I confronted her about her behavior later on, she accused me of being insensitive and undermining everyone else's experiences.

Since then, Sharon seems to have calmed down somewhat. However, she did organize a ladies' night last week and conspicuously left me out of the invitation list. I'm not particularly upset about not attending, but her deliberate exclusion has definitely made things uncomfortable. I'm not keen on stirring up more drama—life's already too full of that—but I can't shake off the weirdness of the situation. I wonder, was my comment genuinely insensitive? Did I unintentionally belittle their experiences?

Thinking about it, if my life played out like a reality show, how would viewers react to this fallout? Would they side with me, feeling empathetic towards my tough pregnancy, or would they criticize me for my lack of openness, possibly perceiving it as standoffish or unsocial?

Just trying to gauge the situation from all angles. Was my response at lunch really that bad?

I don't know what to do anymore

So on Saturday I went to Solo and Ensemble (music event) (I GOT SUPERIOR) and when I went into the high school's gym to practice my friend W was in there. We started goofing off, and he connected his phone to my speaker I was using for my piano accompaniment and started playing a song called "Brain Implosion Energy".

I added the shortened version to my playlist and have been listening to it on loop.

BIG mistake.

It's stuck in my head.

Just imagine, talking to your friends, but your head is playing over and over: "brain implosion energy ten thousand grams of pure caffeine cuz you cant overthink if your heart stops brain implosion energy ten thousand grams of pure caffeine just drink and drink and drink until you drop I love my brain implosion juice it makes my brain go RRRRRRR" For all eternity. Just playing over and over in that high-pitched bubbly vocaloid voice.

IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE.

my best friend Katy (not real name) is a bit su1c1d4l and she's not at school today