Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I graduated college today but instead of being happy, I feel sad. :<

“you’re happiest when you make me sadder” — JADE, “Natural at Disaster”

slop, slop, slop. sounds like a poem doesn’t it? but really, it’s a word i constantly hear for ai-generated content. i always think to myself that there is good slop and bad slop, but now, i guess ai slop is just…slop.

ai slop is all over the internet, and people just shit all over it like it’s their problem. news headlines use it, twitter users use it, the comments section uses it. merriam-webster declares it as word of the year. i’m so sick of hearing that term from whoever uses it, be it an anti or a news outlet.

along my 99 problems as a synthographer, this is one of them. i generate beautiful anime stuff with ai, write character descriptions for them, make posters with it, all that stuff. yet they’ll simply dismiss it as “slop”, even if i just generate a guy or girl with cat ears.

i can’t even shake off that comment who told me to “go fuck yourself ai slop trash.” that was few months ago, yet why is it still lingering here with me?

slop, slop, slop…the more i hear it, the more i see it, the more i feel sick, tired, and angry. i guess my friend was right. all these comments let’s me offend me. maybe that’s why i can’t move on from them. have i been online too much? do i have to say “i’m supposed to be an adult, but fuck it, i need a minute” again? are they even happy when they make me sad? when will things get better again?

It’s a long story and I’ll say it the short way and the long way cuz, someone might want the full story others want the short story.

(btw for context the person I’ll mainly be talking about is a girl but I don’t know their pronouns so I’ll refer to them as they/them)

Short story(also mb for any grammar mistakes):

Basically it’s the first day of school and in one my classes I saw them (for context they are a girl but I don’t know their pronouns so I’ll refer to her as they/them) and immediately i felt like this attraction in a way so I guess u could say I liked them. But yeah, I liked them ever since then.

Long (ahh) story:

First day of school and tbh I wasn’t rlly expecting anything other then just more people ofc and unfortunately socializing; and in one of my classes I saw them, out of every new person in that class there was just something just them, I can’t really explain it since for me I usually have to know a person in order to have a crush on someone but I kinda just felt this incessant like connection? Throughout the whole semester we caught each other looking but we never rlly talked. Turned out they transferred to my core (I’m in cadets) which was unexpected saying that out of everyone in that grade or my classes that go to cadets they somehow transferred to my core (I’m delusional Ik) and we used to say hi to each other more but I think it just got more… awkward? I don’t have any classes with them rn which in a way is a relief but also sad. I’ve never felt this way towards someone and for months I’ve been wondering what’s about them that I see or idk. It’s a rlly weird and confusing feeling especially for someone like me who doesn’t rlly like liking someone yet I still like them.

So ig the question I’m asking is has anyone ever felt this way? Or does anyone know what this might be?

Anyways whatever anyones answers are, I thank u for taking the time to read either or both of time and responding.

Hope everyone is okay and found what your looking for; good morning, good afternoon, good night

I'm in culinary school.

First semester still, but already sidelined during group projects because my inability to catch-up or get along with my classmates. We're girls in dorms. Call me a pick-me, but the boys are easier to deal with because a) I don't live with them and b) they actually do kinda listen more? I guess that's just the perk of pretty much having the same personality as some of them. I wouldn't say this is strictly a girl issue - but my GOD, do they get rowdy at night (the girls) and I'm suffering from lack of sleep. Should I even be telling them to quit, because it should be common sense not to cackle and disturb others at night? I live in one room with only one roommate. I've had psychotic episodes and I've had to pull out of class early today because they were making offhanded comments about me, which I get that they make about each other - but I'm not okay with it.

Imagine having to live with this for pretty much all semester, it just gets worse because they just swipe by the boundaries. And being hyper-sensitive to change of atmosphere and situation due to trauma, it makes me feel even more stressed and alone and I was seriously considering SUICIDE and self-harm. I feel like due to my anger, I view it as the best "TAKE THAT" option. See how much I hated them and how much they were the cause of my stress that I'd kill myself because of them. Let the memory of my bloodied body haunt them forever.

I don't wanna hurt anyone. I don't wanna be an inconvenience. My brain hurts. I don't think I can keep going.

I was employed in management at a bustling resort nestled in a sought-after vacation spot. Our resort regularly hosted weddings, and as part of the planning, the event coordinator typically reserved a block of rooms for the attending guests. It was routine for a manager, like myself, to handle the check-in for the bride and groom. Before their arrival, the coordinator warned me about the bride's demanding nature.

The bride specifically requested a room on the topmost floor, nearest to the shoreline. We accommodated her as much as possible by arranging their stay in the Honeymoon Suite, which was on the third floor with a sweeping view of the ocean. However, this did not satisfy her. She became irate when I informed her that it was the highest and closest room available. At the front desk, she melted down, causing quite a scene as I tried to explain the limitations.

A coworker sensed the escalating situation and went to fetch the event coordinator as the bride lashed out vocally at both me and her fiancé. The poor man was profusely apologetic, trying his best to soothe her. She eventually accepted the room keys, but it wasn't long before she returned, this time demanding that we evacuate the neighboring rooms and those directly beneath hers. Of course, this was impossible as those rooms, priced at $640 per night, were fully occupied.

Fortunately, I was not on shift during their actual wedding night, but the stories reached me by the next day. From verbally abusing the serving staff to ejecting the band for playing a tune she disliked and engaging in a full-blown altercation with her mother-in-law, she seemed to have left a trail of upheaval behind her. Despite the grandeur of their $40,000 wedding, she managed to sour the experience for many.

The groom, aware of the challenging situation, left a box of wine for our front desk staff as a gesture of apology for his bride's behavior. Out of all the challenging brides I've encountered, she certainly took the crown for the most unforgettable.

Imagine if scenes from that day were captured in a reality show. What a spectacle that would have been! Given her dramatic outburtemps, the episode would likely feature me trying to mediate an almost constant stream of complaints and unreasonable demands, peppered with her outbursts resonating through the corridors of our resort.

Now, thinking of such an intense day being part of a reality show really makes me wonder how bizarre and unnervingly entertaining that would appear on screen. Would the viewers sympathize with our team, or would they be enthralled by the bride’s over-the-top drama? I can only imagine the chaos, and somehow, I'm thankful it was just another day at the resort and not an episode for the world to see.

I just had my first baby, and when we got discharged, we were sent home with this adorable "baby box" from the hospital. It was pretty surprising, especially since I'm in the US, and I thought this was something unique to Finland. It turns out my county collaborates with a local charity to provide these boxes to all expectant mothers. The box doubles as a crib and included a mattress, some baby outfits, and other newborn essentials.

Excited about this unexpected gift, I shared a picture of the box on Instagram to show my appreciation. Shortly after, my stepmom suggested I take down the post. She mentioned it might upset other new moms who didn't receive such benefits, including her own daughter, my stepsister.

When my stepsister saw the post, she expressed her frustrations that all she received from the hospital when her child was born were some basic supplies and a hefty bill. I decided to keep the post up not to boast, but to spread awareness about the charity’s efforts, and perhaps help other local mothers find out about this beneficial program.

However, my stepsister wasn’t too pleased and directly messaged me, explaining her struggles with raising a child with special needs and feeling overlooked in the family compared to others who appear to have it easier. Despite the tension, I chose to leave the post online, believing it could still aid mothers in my region.

Living far from my stepfamily, I'm only partially aware of the support networks available to parents of special needs children, and I suggested that they might explore similar help or seek counseling. Yet, I ponder if that was an insensitive remark due to my own exhaustion and need for advice.

If this scenario unfolded on a reality show, the drama and tension would likely be heightened, with cameras capturing every emotional outburst and perhaps polarizing viewer opinions. Some might sympathize with my stepsister's plight, while others might applaud the initiative to aid and inform local mothers, sparking debates on the ethics of sharing one's blessings during sensitive times.

Should I keep my "baby box" IG post up?

Last week, I impulsively decided to run a marathon with only a week's notice after learning I needed surgery on my rotator cuff. Since I couldn't engage in my favorite hobby, climbing, I've been supplementing with some casual running. Previously, I'd participated in a handful of races, including a marathon which I hadn't really trained for, so I figured why not try again? It seemed like a good way to stay active and feel accomplished as I geared up for my procedure.

A buddy of mine had also planned to run this marathon. Interestingly, she hadn't trained until it was almost time for the event. I thought it would be fun if we took on the challenge at a leisurely pace together. Throughout the week as I was hunting down a race bib, I kept updating her about my plans to join. She seemed okay with it until I finally secured a bib and shared my last-minute participation news on Facebook. That’s when things took a turn for the worse. She lashed out, claiming that the marathon was "her thing” and that by joining and posting about it, I was overshadowing her own efforts. She accused me of trying to steal her thunder, which was never my intention; I genuinely thought it would be nice to support each other.

On race day, we lost touch after just the first mile. I tried reaching out several times via text and calls but got no response. Hours later, she called back, way behind me, demanding I wait for her. Choosing to continue at my own pace, I politely declined, which she took as further evidence of me being a self-centered friend.

She didn't take it well that I was ahead, and, in an upset state, she quit at mile 16, taking a shortcut to finish with a better time than mine. I ended up finishing in 6 hours and 15 minutes, feeling proud of my achievement despite the circumstances.

Post-race, she remained adamant that I had intruded on her territory by running and has even withdrawn her offer to assist me post-surgery, claiming she felt betrayed. Her insistence that she "owns" running seems unreasonable to me, but perhaps I overlooked something in my approach.

If this whole situation unfolded in a reality show, I wonder how the audience would react. Would they sympathize with my desire to stay active and accomplish personal goals, or would they see me as the villain for stepping into what my friend considered her special domain? Reality shows thrive on conflict and resolution, so this drama could potentially be a pivotal storyline, drawing viewers to take sides and speculate on our motives and actions.

Am I wrong to have run the marathon, despite my friend’s claim on it as her own?

So a few months ago, my boyfriend found out about his younger brother’s cancer which was already at level four :(

He’s just depressed and trying to earn as much as possible for the surgery fees and he’s just different

He talked less and he touches grass less

How do u cheer him up? Even the doctors said that his beloved brother won’t make jt out alive unless he receives a heart donation

Im not too big of a writer so dont mind the grammar stuff.

I have too many thoughts going on rn. idk where to start ig ill start with my love life thoughts

I like this guy, I have had crush on this guy for like 5 yrs. ikr crazy. i don't feel like im meant to be loved. i hate thinking that about myself but i genuinely cant help it. his ex's are so pretty. they are prettier than me. they are skinnier than me. they are more confident than me. i can go on. whenever i see them, i feel jealousy(?), or idk i get mad. not at them but at myself. they didnt do anyhing wrong, they just exist and happen to at some point be his gf. im so stupid. my crush and i actually had a 1hr long convo (or idk maybe it wasnt 1hr long but it felt long). idk how the stars aligned that day. truly a miracle. we laughed alot, talked about diff things. it was fun. but u see im a bit stupid. he talks to every girl like that. and now that i think about it. that convo was just a simple convo between 2 people. he talks to his friends (who r girls). he teases them (in a way friends do). he sits with them. he plays games with them. ( its their friend group that consists fo like 4 guys and 4 girls). those girls are just normal friends to him. im good friends with those girls too (good enough that they invited me to their weddings) but im not a part of their group. i get jealous of them sometimes, seeing how he talks to them, teases them, etc. we never talked ever (except the time i told u about rn) even when we were in working in groups too. i do wish i get to talk to him again. ik we arent meant to be so ill just have fun like this. btw idk how to talk to guys ha ha ha. that could be the root of the problem.

i actually have never dated anyone. ever. ever. ive had alot of crushes but never ever talked to them. never. no one has ever confessed to me ever. no guys has ever been my friend, ever. ive friends around me in a relationship, married, getting proposals left and right. truly happy for them. i celebrated all of it with them. but idk. ig i get fomo. im studying a 5yr long degree. im about to graduate in less than a year. i shoudlve had atleat one confession, mannn. even my mother once asked me "why doesn't anyone like you?" idk man. i really dk. maybe im just not meant to be loved and i think im accepting that slowly.

ik people say all that fun stuff like just wait, have patient. the right perosn will come when you least expect it blah blah. that stuff was comforting in the beginning, but not anymore. kinda became desensitized to it.

My bf: I don't want to go canoeing with you. It sounds like work, and I'm too busy anyway! Now here's something really fun, how about your drive me to my friend's daughter's who you've met 3 times's high school graduation and accompany me at her graduation party for 8 hours? Oh, and no drinking because you're the driver! Doesn't that sound like fun and not work?

I moved across the country to be with someone let everyone I know behind. Everything was perfect when we were long distant. We would talk everyday, FaceTime all day. Then after I moved it just seemed to stop. It’s the little things I miss. The good morning texts, the kisses goodbye of I’m sleeping and they have to work. Sending TikTok’s all day . All of it just stopped and o feel like I’m just being dumb.. like that stuff shouldn’t matter, but.. done some reason it does to me.

so, there’s this thing i’ve been doing lately and it’s probably the dumbest thing you’ll hear all day, but it works for me during those totally unpredictable, chaotic moments where i feel like the entire universe is flipping me the bird and my anxiety’s about to skyrocket into orbit; i’ve been forcing myself to just breathe, like literally standing there in the middle of whatever’s going down, inhaling so deep that it feels like i’m about to burst, then slowly letting it out like i’m some kind of zen master or whatever, and yeah it sounds super corny but focusing on your breath actually forces your mind to stop freaking out for just long enough to not lose it; i also try to write things down, and i don’t mean a fancy bullet journal or some crap you see on pinterest, i mean i grab the nearest scrap of paper, napkin, whatever, and i start scribbling every chaotic thought or worry or even a stupid doodle if i can’t find words, because there’s something about seeing it all outside of your brain that makes it less intimidating and gives you a bit of a laugh at how ridiculous some of it sounds; and then there’s my go-to move, which is just dropping everything and going for a walk, no matter the weather, and yeah, sometimes it’s pouring rain or freezing, but the sheer act of putting one foot in front of the other, feeling the ground beneath me and just noticing the tiny details around like the color of the sky or the way the air smells helps me anchor myself to reality; oh and don’t even get me started on music, because blasting your favorite playlist, the one that makes you feel like a badass, can literally change your entire mood and shift your perspective from ‘everything sucks’ to ‘okay, maybe i can handle this for a bit longer’; and if i’m really in deep, like spiraling kind of deep, i force myself to reach out to someone, whether it’s a friend who’ll let me vent without judgment or even just sending a quick “hey i’m struggling today” text, because as much as i hate to admit it, sometimes you just need to hear another human voice reminding you that you’re not as alone as your mind is making you feel; i also sometimes dive into something completely unrelated, like rewatching my favorite dumb tv show, because giving your brain a break from obsessing over uncertainty can be surprisingly powerful, and it’s not avoidance, it’s just giving yourself permission to rest and not be ‘on’ all the time; also, weirdly enough, i’ve found that setting the tiniest goals helps, like literally telling myself “just get through the next ten minutes” or “just clean one corner of the room” because ticking off even the smallest task gives you a tiny hit of accomplishment and sometimes that’s enough to keep going; but maybe the most important thing i’ve learned is to stop trying to predict or control everything because let’s be honest, none of us really know what’s coming next and pretending we do just exhausts us, so i’ve been trying to lean into the discomfort and tell myself “you’ve survived worse, you’ll survive this too” and weirdly enough, it helps to remember that i’m not the only one trying to navigate this crazy unpredictable life.

At 27, I've come to question my longstanding friendship with “Nicki” who's also 27. We've known each other since high school where I was quite shy and she more outgoing, drawing me into her circle which I appreciated given my social struggles. Post-college, our paths reconverged back home, and living together sparked initial excitement. However, life priorities changed over the years, particularly when I started dating my current boyfriend.

Nicki’s codependence, which she acknowledges yet struggles to manage, started to strain our relationship. Her discomfort with the time I spent with my boyfriend escalated to excessive demands on my time, reflecting her fear of losing our bond. Though initially empathetic, I soon saw these demands as overbearing. Conversations intended to address boundaries and expectations only led to arguments. Eventually, after repeated confrontations over 18 months, I felt compelled to distance myself, even though we were still roommates.

This separation offered me clarity. Nicki had never truly celebrated my personal successes—whether in relationships, health, or career. Instead, she often seemed envious and would insist that prioritizing my own needs made me a selfish friend. Despite her starting therapy to address her issues, the resentment built up on my side might be irreparable, challenging the possibility of reconciling to the close friendship we once had.

Imagine if all this drama unfolded on a reality show—the tension and eruquipment would certainly hold viewers' captivated. How would the audience react to seeing such a gradual yet intense breakdown of a friendship? Likely, they would be split; some might sympathize with Nicki’s fear of loss, while others could resonate with my quest for personal growth and the need for boundaries. It would be an emotional rollercoaster highlighted by personal revelations and the stark reality of changing friendships.

I keep asking myself the same dumb question while making coffee in a kitchen that suddenly feels too big. Why do I miss someone who hurt me??? My wife cheated on me, then left like the whole marriage was a failed project she wanted to close out before quarter end. She packed her stuff in these neat little boxes, labeled everything, and somehow that made it worse. It felt like she had a clean exit strategy while I was still stuck in incident response mode, trying to figure out where the breach happened. I know what she did was wrong. I know trust is not a feature you can just patch overnight. But I still miss her laugh, her terrible singing, the way she used to steal my hoodie and act like it was hers forever. That is the messed up part, right??? The damage and the good memories live in the same folder, and I do not know how to seperate them.

Some days I am angry, and honestly, I think I deserve to be. Other days I catch myself wondering if she ate lunch, if she is sleeping okay, if she misses the dog, if she ever thinks about me when the house gets quiet. Then I feel stupid becuase why am I worrying about someone who made me feel disposable??? She said she was unhappy, and I can accept that maybe our relationship had problems. I was not perfect. I worked too much, shut down during hard talks, and treated “we’ll deal with it later” like some kind of maintenance plan. But cheating was her choice. Leaving was her choice. Still, my brain keeps running the old routine like nothing changed. I wake up and almost text her. I see her mug and feel my chest drop. I hear a car outside and think maybe it is her, even though I know it wasnt. Grief is weird like that!!!

I guess I miss the version of her I thought I had, not the version who walked out after breaking everything. Or maybe I miss being married. Maybe I miss having a person who knew my grocery order, my weird moods, my stupid jokes, and the exact tone of voice that meant I was trying not to cry. Is that love, or habit, or just my nervous system looking for the old baseline??? I do not know. I am definately not trying to make her the villain in every sentence, but I am also not going to pretend I am fine. I still love parts of her. I still hate what she did. Both can be true, I think. If you have ever missed someone who hurt you, did it make you feel broken too??? I keep hoping one day I can recieve a memory of her without feeling like I got punched in the ribs. Not today, but maybe someday!!!

I just turned 18 and graduated high school last year and if I'm being honest about everything, I genuinely cannot see myself passing the age of 20. I still feel like I'm 12 years old about to start high school, I genuinely have nothing going for me in life, I have no friends; the ones I do have live in different states and are with their significant others, which is something I don't have. I feel like a burden for my family and they all have jobs and expect me to get one or start doing something with my life.

What can I do to change the way I feel?