Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Who is utterly techie. Dunno if he likes me a lot or hates me a lot 😭😆😆😆😆😆 I am reallyyy confused.😭😭

So I face this situation where there's a pretty big discrepancy in salary between me and my friends (when I say big, I mean BIIIIG... like if my friends were european 🤣). They know about it, of course, and the thing is, they often expect me to pay for stuff whenever we're out. It's not just once or twice but almost every time we go out for dinner or drinks, I'm kinda expected to cover the bill, including tips 💸 I mean, it's not like I don't want to share my good fortune with them but after a while it feels like I'm being taken advantage of.

I've read some articles about setting boundaries in relationships which suggest open communication as key (like Forbes mentions that in their piece on professional relationships) but it's easier said than done 😅 How do I bring this up without sounding rude or pretentious? Excuse me if that's not the best word to express what i mean; What I intend to say is that I'm trying to maintain harmony in our friendships without burning bridges.

Moreover, I'm aware financial disparity can create tension within social circles. It seems inevitable yet addressing it requires diplomacy and tact 🤔 Am I overthinking it? Perhaps it's just my imagination running wild with no clear resolution at hand... My concern is that if unchecked, this pattern could potentially erode our friendship over time.

I sometimes hear people suggest splitting bills evenly as an approach but isn't it awkward asking friends who earn less than you do for their share? Having read podcasts on financial harmony among friends gives various perspectives but they all boil down to one simple question: how do we navigate conversations around money respectfully while still maintaining equity?

At times I've considered bringing it up casually next time there's a group hangout scheduled. Maybe something like 'hey guys let's try Dutch-treat tonight' or whatever might sound friendly enough not imposing at all; Guess I'm looking for advice from others who have been through similar predicaments.

Every time my brother and father are left to do things they always do the worst possible things, just today my brother decided to coax my dad into buying a car he can't afford (even with monthly payments) because my brother wanted to co-sign on it, and they keep doing more and more stupid things and it just makes me angry, especially since they're way older then me so I'd expect more from them, though I guess that's stupid to expect.

so yeah

I write songs sometimes

on the way home from after schol band practice yesterday

I came up with a song in my mom's car lol.

I only have most of the chorus

I need to know:

1: is it good?

2: what line should I add to finish the chorus?

It's in the style of like, think Three Days Grace or Linkin Park

here it is:

"And all the colours fade to black

I can't keep going forward, but I can't turn back,

I'm conflicted,

I am stuck,

I'm so sick of feeling numb,"

So that's it

I need another line but idk what to put

and I have no verses either but I'll figure that out myself lol

My relationship with my mom has always been fraught with tension. During my teenage years, the emotional and mental abuse I endured was severe. Our arguments were a daily occurrence, propelled by her high expectations for me in both academics and sports like tennis. My effort was constantly scrutinized, and despite my diagnosis with ADD and being prescribed medication that helped me achieve straight A’s, she continued to criticize my effort level. Her controlling behavior even extended to monitoring my weight, scolding me for any gain, and sending me to various weight loss camps from a young age. One summer, she forced me into a counselor role at one of these camps, leaving me stranded when I needed transportation home after everyone else had quit.

The loss of my high school tennis coach, who was like a father figure to me, was a devastating blow during my freshman year. His unexpected death left me deeply saddened, but my mom’s insistence on maintaining perfect attendance at school prevented me from grieving. My mourning was dismissed by her as drug-related behavior, to the extent that she threatened to drug test me. Although she briefly acquiesced to group therapy, she soon pulled me out, disrupting my healing process. Her harsh words that God had taken my coach away because I didn’t value him enough are words that have scarred me deeply.

As our arguments escalated, I would often threaten to sever ties once I left for college, expressing in a letter that I didn't ever want my future children to suffer her influence. This led her to make significant improvements in her behavior. While our relationship has somewhat mended and she has shown attempts at rectifying her actions, occasional remarks and tensions still emerge during visits, though the relationship has improved markedly from my younger years.

Recently, my parents have been pressuring me about marriage and grandchildren, expressing a deep desire to become grandparents. Having been out of a relationship for three years and unsure about wanting children, my admission was met with disappointment and accusations of selfishness. My mother lamented their potential missed opportunity to be grandparents, suggesting my decision was an unfair punishment for her past behavior. Though her efforts to reform our relationship are evident, lingering feelings of resentment make me question my own desires regarding parenthood. The thought of denying her the chance to be a grandmother brings guilt, especially as it also affects my father who has been largely supportive.

It’s fascinating considering what might happen if my life were part of a reality show. Would the public sympathize with my difficult childhood and ongoing struggles, or would they judge my decisions and reluctance to forgive? Could the external pressure and audience opinions sway my personal decisions or would I hold my ground?

Am I being unreasonable for not wanting children because of my rocky past with my mom?

i’ve been thinkin about this a lot lately, like way more than i probly should, but i just can’t help it. i go to this school where so many kids are rich or like... pretty well off. not just talkin new clothes or fancy phones, i mean actual money. like they get picked up in shiny cars, talk about their summer trips to europe, have the newest gadgets before they even come out. nd then there’s me. my shoes are always a little worn out, i still got the same backpack since 7th grade, and when ppl talk about “weekend plans” mine are usually helpin my mom clean or babysit my cousin. my family’s not just “not rich,” we’re broke-broke. i don’t blame them or anything, they work hard, they love me, we just never had much. and while no one at school has ever been mean to me about it, not once, i still feel it. like this quiet voice in my head always whisperin “you don’t belong here.”

what sucks the most is that i do have friends. like, good ones. they include me in everything, they don’t care i don’t have name-brand stuff or can’t always go out when they do. they joke with me, they listen, they’re just... normal. and i try to act normal too. i laugh, i join in, i smile. but inside, i’m always thinkin about what i’m missing. i feel like i have to try harder just to be at the same level. if we’re doin a project, i work extra hard so they don’t think i’m dumb. if we’re hangin out, i make sure i’m funny or helpful or something, like i gotta earn my place all the time. and they never asked me to. they never made me feel like i’m “less than.” but that don’t change the fact that i still feel less than. i can’t stop comparing. even if i got the same grade or the same laugh, i still feel like i’m catching up to everyone else’s life.

i don’t even talk to anyone about it, not even my best friend. how do you even say, “hey, i feel small around you sometimes even tho you’re nice to me”? it’s not their fault i feel this way. it’s just... the way everything is. the way i grew up always worrying about bills or food or how to fix something ourselves because we can’t pay someone to do it. nd even when i’m at school, doing fine, gettin decent grades, i still feel like one wrong move and i’ll slip and they’ll all realize i’m not like them. it makes me scared to dream big sometimes. like, who am i to think i can be something? go to a big college? have a cool job? buy my mom a house? sounds fake when i say it out loud. it’s hard to believe in yourself when everything around you has always told you to settle. and even harder when you’re in a place full of people who already have what you’re fightin for.

so yeah, how to overcome inferiority complex? hell if i know. i’m still figurin it out. maybe it starts with stopping the comparisons, or reminding myself that money don’t make someone better than me. maybe i gotta start believing my friends actually like me for me, not what i have. i guess i gotta remind myself that i’m smart, i’m funny (sometimes lol), i’m kind, and those things matter too. but it’s not easy. some days it’s like carrying a weight i can’t drop. but i’m tryna be better. i’m tryna hold my head up even when my shoes are scuffed. maybe i don’t got all the stuff they got, but i got my own story. and maybe one day, i’ll look back at this and realize i was enough the whole time. just gotta keep goin. one step at a time.

i don’t even know why I’m so nervous after all these years, maybe because I’m 54 now and everything feels more fragile, even the things I thought I had figured out. I’ve been working in this company for more than 20 years, through restructurations, new managements, endless workflow updates and all the “as per our last email” nonsense that comes with corporate life. and now that I finally have something for myself, my little office at home, the massage table set up, the kinesiology charts pinned on the wall, my magnets sorted in a drawer like some kind of treasure chest, I’m scared stiff of telling my boss I’m quiting. Isn’t that stupid? after two decades of performance reviews, KPI check-ins, regular compliance training and being told I’m “a strong asset”, I should be able to say one simple thing: “I’m leaving.” But he likes the job I do, he always says it, sometimes I even think he relies too much on me. And he doesn’t believe in kinesiology at all, he once called it “that body energy thingy you see on TV” and laughed. So how do I bring this up without sounding like I’ve lost my mind, or like I’m running away from the whole production chain just to go hug crystals ✨?

The weirdest thing is, I’m not unsure about the choice itself. I’m ready. really ready. I’ve read so many books, done trainings, passed exams, practiced on friends, even did a few sessions with co-workers who were brave enough to let me test muscle responses on them. One of them told me, “Honestly, it kinda worked,” which is still my favorite feedback ever. I’ve been doing the logistics too, registering my activity, checking insurance requirements, planning the client intake forms, trying to figure out how to explain muscle testing without sounding like a witch. everything is in place, even the scent diffuser that smells like eucalyptus went crazy last night for some reason. And yet, I freeze every time I imagine the conversation with my boss. He’s not a bad guy, just very...pragmatick. “Evidence-based or nothing,” he told me once when we were talking about stress. I know he’ll look at me like I told him I’m leaving to go join a circus. Should I try small talk first? Should I just say it straight? have you ever had to quit a job when the person in charge thinks your next career is bogus; because that’s exactly my situation and I feel like I’m rehearsing a script that won’t sound right no matter what?

Another part of me still remembers the early days when I was doing data-entry and he was still learning the ropes himself. there was this one time, during a big audit, where I stayed until midnight to help clean up the regulatory documentatoin, and he told everyone the next day, “She saved our asses.” That stuck with me for years, maybe too much. maybe that’s why I feel like announcing my departure is like betraying some old unwriten pact. But I can’t spend the rest of my life worrying about whether someone else is disappointed because I want to follow my own path. I’ve spent over two decades dealing with supply chain anomalies, preparing monthly reports, making sure the backoffice processes don’t collapse over a missing signature, and honestly it’s enough. My body is tired. My shoulders are constantly tight. last winter, I kept thinking, “If I’m helping everyone else stay on track, who’s helping me?” That was the moment I knew something had to change, even if the change made no sens to anyone else. My sister even told me, “At your age, people slow down, not start new weird careers.” But I’m not slowing down, I’m redirecting. Isn’t that allowed?

So now I’m drafting the resignatoin letter, with typos everywhere because my hands are shaking like an idiot. I wrote, “Thank you for the opprotunity,” and didn’t even correct it yet. maybe it shows how human this all is. Maybe it’s fine. The real challenge is deciding whether to explain everything or keep it short. Do I say “I’m becoming a kinesiologist and magnetizer,” or do I just say “pursuing a personnal project”? I keep hearing his voice saying, “We need you in the Q3 cycle,” and I know the timing sucks, but if I don’t do it now, I’ll never do it. life isn’t waiting for the perfect slot in the operational calendar; and neither am I. I keep thinking of that line from a book I read years ago: “Sometimes the door is open, but you have to be the one who walks through.” So maybe that’s what I’ll do. maybe I’ll sit down in his office, smile politely, and say, “I need to talk to you about something important.” And then I’ll just breathe and hope the world doesn’t fall appart. After all, if I can help clients align their energies, surely I can survive telling one man I’m moving on. Right?

My partner and I have recently embarked on the adventure of finding our first home together. We meticulously crafted lists highlighting our essential needs, our wants, and absolute deal-breakers for our ideal dwelling. Our needs and wants largely overlapped—requiring multiple bedrooms for future children, a secured yard for our furry friend, and a home ready to move in without the need for significant repairs. There was, however, one critical deal-breaker for me: no homeowners' association (HOA).

Growing up, my parents owned a house under an HOA, and the frustrations and limitations they faced left a lasting impression on me. I've made it very clear that regardless of how perfect a house might appear, if it's governed by an HOA, I'm not interested.

Our house-hunting journey has been anything but smooth. We've found ourselves being outbid and priced out of preferred neighborhoods, and many of the homes within our budget have fallen short of our expectations. We've seen countless properties, faced several rejections, and even experience tense moments in our relationship because of the stress.

Recently, our realtor excitedly informed us about a new listing she believed matched our vision perfectly. My wife was immediately enamored with the photos and was eager to view it. However, upon checking the details, I noticed it was part of an HOA. I voiced my reluctance to even visit the property, given my strong stance on the matter.

Ignoring my reservations, my wife arranged a viewing with the realtor without my knowledge. She returned brimming with excitement and ready to make an offer, convinced it was "the one." She spent an entire evening trying to persuade me, arguing that it wouldn’t hurt just to make an offer. I was hurt and felt betrayed that she'd disregard my principal deal-breaker and proceed without me, but she persisted, trying to minimize the potential headaches an HOA could bring.

She's never dealt with the peculiarities of an HOA herself, and doesn’t fully grasp the potential headaches and restrictions they can impose. I reminded her that we had agreed any home purchase must be unanimously approved—that if one of us vetoes a property for any reason, we wouldn’t pursue it. Despite this, she continues to push for this house, now visibly upset and insisting we will never find another that ticks so many boxes. She feels I should compromise on the HOA issue and go ahead with the offer. Her frustration seems to be clouding her judgment, and she’s taking it out on me because of it.

Suppose we were participants on a reality show, the dynamic of our disagreement could potentially play differently. Reality TV thrives on drama and conflict, so our situation could be exaggerated to attract viewers. The producers might highlight our dispute in promotional clips or episodes, possibly even portraying one of us as the antagonist to stir public opinion. The edit could focus on emotional reactions, possibly impacting how viewers perceive our decision-making and personal dynamic.

What should I do about the HOA conflict with my partner?

so, here I am, wondering if you can just, you know, wake up one day outta the blue and suddenly have OCD??! i'm no expert, but honestly, it kinda feels like it. i mean, i've always been a bit of a neat freak, but lately, it's like another level, folks. ever been caught up in something so intense that it almost feels like it just snuck up on you and smacked you in the face? that's what i'm dealing with right now.

it's like, now i can't even leave the freakin' house without checking everything, like, a thousand times. door locked? check. stove off? check. sanity intact? eh, who knows at this point. 😅 it’s wild, and honestly, it makes me think: can this really just happen later in life, or am i just losing my marbles? like, isn't OCD something you're either born with or not? why is my brain suddenly acting like it's under a microscope?

but, here's the thing: i'm not about to let this get me down. not a chance in hell. in a way, it's kinda fascinating how my mind's shifting gears, and yeah, maybe it's annoying as hell, but it also feels like a journey of self-discovery. and let's be real, who isn't down for a bit of a challenge now and then? i mean, my life's not falling apart or anything; it's just kinda evolving, if that makes any sense.

anyways, i'm figuring if it is actually OCD creeping in, then there's gotta be some way to handle this without losing my cool. ain't nobody got time to be stuck in their own head all day, right? 😆 so maybe it's time to cut myself some slack, try to lighten up, and see where this rabbit hole ends. you ever find yourself caught up in a similar loop? it's like swimming upstream, but, hey, one of us might as well find a way to laugh about it;

bottom line, i'm not letting this whole suspected-OCD-rabbit-hole thing dictate my life. sure, it feels like my brain’s playing tricks on me, but it's also kinda pushing me to grow a bit more. so to anyone else out there who’s suddenly questioning why their world’s started spinning in new directions— maybe it's not just a pain in the ass, maybe it's an opportunity to embrace what makes us tick. a twist in the plot that keeps things uh, 'scintillating' and kinda interesting, if you will. here's to rolling with the punches and feeling a bit less crazy in the process.

Hi, I don't know where to start but with this: My English and grammar sucks, please do not judge, just listen. I have been diagnosed with depression (MDD) and anxiety (GAD) just to give you a heads up.

My life is a total mess, from school, friends, and my own free time. I'm a whole mess. For about 3 weeks now, everyone who interacts with me (friends and family, too) I get super mad at. They don't even do anything, but everything about their presense makes me mad. When they talk to me (or attempt too), touch me (hugs, etc), or contact me. I just want to yell at them to go away, but it's hard in school and at home. I can't just pause and tell them to go away for the next 2 weeks until everything feels normal again. I love my friends and family but I can't deal with them at the moment and I don't know why. I feel 1 emotion: irritation. 24/7, all day, every day. I can't escape it. I want to be able to talk to people without feeling like I'm going to explode with anger. It's not fun, and before anyone says "selfish", I still listen or talk to them even when I really can't. I suck it up. Doesn't help though.

Another thing, I think people think I'm rude. I have bad humour, that's how I grew up. I grew up around bad jokes and I just grew onto them. My humour isn't like outrageously rude, I have morals, and you can tell when I'm joking. But people complain about it, or stare at me after I jokingly respond to something they say. They never mention anything though, they never tell me what I did wrong. So I keep doing it until someone has a "serious talk" about it with me saying that "this person" doesn't like the jokes I'm making and they feel sensitive to them. I don't understand why it takes people so long to say something, I'm not a rude person. I can understand if you don't want me to do something. But thats how I'm portrayed, as a rude/mean person who only cares about herself. But that's not even close to true. They don't know who I am or what my story is. I grew up ignoring my emotions and putting others first for the first 15 years of my life (Yes, when I was younger too). I finally started to listen to myself but I'm put into the box of "selfish". All I am doing is putting me first and listening to myself. My safety and wellbeing is my number one priority from now on since it got destroyed over the past years. People hate on me in secrecy and I can see it. They whisper or comment. I'm not a stereotypical "weird kid", I'm more on the popular side if anything. But every group says something, but they don't know me. I'm honestly so sweet. I suck it up for my friends. Literally every new friend I make, they say "I kinda thought you were rude but you're actually really sweet."

I'm just so done with everyone and their assumptions they make about me. There's so many assumptions. Why are we assuming peoples stories? You don't know what I've been through.

Have y’all heard of enoclophobia? A phobia of crowds, it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but for me it’s overwhelming

Basically my family owns a small business company, and they’re been forcing me to do presentations on the lastest products since I was young. And since there are lots of people in the auditorium, I panic, but I shouldn’t make humiliation of myself in this big event, so I just manage. By the end of the presentation, but face is blue;;

I’ve been telling my parents for years that I don’t want to be the heir of this company, and I don’t want to do these presentations, but I’m forced to, even my long term crush is going through the same situation, she doesn’t have any phobias tho… she doesn’t like me back bc of how stupid I act while on stage, buts it’s a natural born phobia, I wish I could get rid of it but how?

I'm about to choke. It's 4:20 am right now. I'm doing homework for tomorrow and some assigments i had to turn in ages ago. I'm trying to take my mind off things because i swear i'm so close to throwing up. I'm too scared to sleep. I'm so scared of what tomorrow will be like. There are so many tests coming up all at once, and my grades are only getting worse. I'm ruining everything i've worked for and now i feel like a failure. Two years ago i was actually doing well. i though things were getting better, that i was making progress but i ruined everything. I'm trying to be better. More productive, more polite, more present, more responsible, smarter, nicer, Better. But i can't. I keep on failing. I keep on messing up. And i'm so tired. I'm always so tired recently. It's so hard to do anything. Even things i used to love doing now feel like a chore. I'm stuck. I feel like a i'm falling behind while everyone else Is moving foward and i don't know what to do.

i'm just a dude trying to keep things chilled at home, but man, it's been tough lately. like i get it, every relationship has ups and downs, but i'm starting to feel more down than up, you know? So here's the deal: been married for quite some time now and we've got three awesome kiddos. they're my world... but with the wife... things ain't exactly peachy these days.

we used to connect on so many levels, but now it feels like we're just going through the motions. don't get me wrong—love her to bits—but sometimes that love feels a bit more like companionship rather than fireworks and rainbows (not that i'm expecting the honeymoon phase forever, lol). still, trying my best to maintain a happy vibe for the kids because they pick up on our moods quicker than i change socks 😂.

to be candid here... faking a smile when you're hurting inside is exhausting! conversating feels like such hard work when all we talk about revolves around school schedules or grocery lists. where's the passion gone? maybe i need to shake things up somehow... surprise date nights or something cheesy like that might help reignite whatever's missing 🤷.

and hey, before you say 'just communicaaaate,' trust me, i've tried. it's not always that easy.. words fail at times and end up leading us nowhere productive even when intentions are good 😔 why does keeping peace have to take away peace within oneself too? stuck between being supportive father/husband versus prioritizing my own happiness is one tricky spot!

I won't share my age or anything, I just need to get it off of my chest.

So, I have this friend, we can call her S to make is easier, S does sports, running, she serves at a church and grew up in a home where her dad was a marathon runner and had a spacious home growing up, no siblings.

I'm just here, no sports experience besides a bit of badminton and frisbe, no teams, I barely go out and I have to sleep with my dad to make sure he needs something, sometimes I sleep on my own bed in a room me and my older sister shares, my older sis sleeps in another bed.

I know writing this makes me sound whiny and pathetic, but I genuinely wonder if she knows if what she says about me is just a joke and won't affect me. "Your such a big back!" "Of course you take your anger out" "Imagine tryna insult me" along with being hypocritical, she would say were 'past a song' then proceeds to play it?? "No one cares that you ate 2 popcorn bags" Well I'm sorry, but no one cares that you thought a noise was something else or that you think the teacher did something 'sus' as you call it. It makes me get an overwhelming sense of emotions, anger, sadness or outright tiredness.

I know she means well but I can't seem to be well myself, I'm confused about my emotional state to the point where I rather be alone with a pen and paper than be with my actual friends, but instead, I lash out and do things I regret after calming down.

I hate this, I hate how I'm supposedly the friend she's talk to if she doesn't have anyone else to comfort or to talk to. I'll be talked to if we're either sitting together or she's with others she doesn't like.

But hey, in the end I'm just 'the introverted artist' friend. S, we aren't in some youtube shorts POV, its real life and what you say to me is gonna make me have second thoughts.

... Man, I sound like I'm complaining, sorry.

It was just probably my imagination or just probably delusional about it lol