Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I think I'm such a fool. I'm going through a weird phase in my life. My grades are bad, I'm so insecure about my weight and appearance. My friends are acting weird towards me. My mom fights with me every day. School is so boring. Nothing's fun! In 10 days, I'll be turning a certain age for girls, but I don't feel happy. What's wrong with me? I don't feel like I have the right to feel sad or bad. I should be grateful for the life I have, right? And I also can't stand caring about what other people think. What if I fail physics? I think those are just girl problems. I don't know how to feel better. I think reading would be good. Are there any good books for 15-year-olds? I have to go, but I hope I'm not the only one going through "problems."

I'm a sophomore in high school, and I'd consider myself an artist. I have endless ideas for all sorts of things to draw, paint, sculpt, sew, build, you name it. I admit I'm better at drawing and all that than a good amount of people since I've always been interested in art and have been improving my skills and learning for my whole life. Although, I can't feel good about any of my work. I always criticize myself and compare myself to other people and I can't stop. It started around 7th or 8th grade, when things were first starting to get rough for me as I grew older and realized things my parents hid from me and I never thought about before. My ideas got more complex and I started pressuring myself to do better. People around me are good at drawing, and I hate it. I can't stand people being better than me at the only thing I'm relatively good at. I have anger issues and I get mad quickly and say and do things to my friends out of spite for them being better than me and I later regret it deeply because I love them and I'd never want to hurt them. It drives me absolutely crazy. No matter how much people say they love my drawings or how talented I am I just can't accept it. I even tried prioritizing my art over school work, last and this year I draw in my notebooks almost every class period for the entire duration. My grades are bad and I have to leave my current school because of it, which is driving the stake deeper. Whenever I have an idea and try to act on it through my art, it always turns out horrible and far from what I wanted. I can't do anything right. People say I'm talented but it's not talent, I wasn't born good at anything, I've just been drawing for so long I happen to be better than some others. Currently I feel as if I haven't improved in years. I try all the tactics and tips I see online but nothing sticks, nothing helps. I wanna quit but I can't. Drawing is my thing, I'm supposed to be good at it. I'm horrible at the one thing I'm supposed to be good at and it's tearing me apart. I'm not smart, I don't play sports or instruments, this is all I have. I can't improve and I can't do anything. I've stepped away and came back to projects but I end up hating them all over again. Everything has to be perfect, everything has to be the best, but it's not.

I am tired about feeling like a failure.. I have done a mistake and I want to find amends to it.. But all I feel is I am tired I can't anymore..

My boyfriend feels hurt and I know I have hurt him but I don't know how to make amends. I know I am the worst person present.. I have let him down always.. I feel like I am the bad person in his life.. Somehow whatever happens I end up being the bad person.. I get angry I shout.. I don't know how to process anything.. I don't know how to go on.. I have made a decision to end my life right now.. I feel like I have no purpose and no motivation if things will be alright.. I have no hope left.. I can't change the situation nor myself and nothing is getting solved anymore.. So I have decided to die

I've been feeling this way for months, more or less since i entered this new phase of my life (high school), and to be honest, I thought it would be pretty much the same as previous years. For the past year or two, ive felt lonely. I have friends and some classmates to talk to, but friends i can talk to about this? i don't have any, and my best friend is going through a tough time right now so im not one of her priorities.

Let's get to the point. I've taken these classes after regular school hours as part of a volunteer program—sometimes in class and sometimes outside of school—but that's pretty rare, so it's usually just at school. I’ve had these friends—I’m going to use different names that are almost the same: Amy and Mila. Amy has been my friend since I was 12, and we were paired up for middle school. I met Mila in 7th grade, and at that time I was going through a lot: stress, changes, the end of important friendships, and I was starting to feel lonely.

I started relying heavily on Amy and Mila; they were the only refuge I had, so when I had a little problem with my friend (I’ll change her name too) Sarah, I leaned on Amy way too much. I knew Amy had this friend I personally didn’t get along with—we were just classmates, but we couldn’t find anything in common to get along as friends the way she and Amy did.

I made up with Sarah when we moved up to 8th grade, but by then I was already pretty dependent on Amy. I couldn’t go anywhere she wasn’t, and when we were in groups or paired up, I’d get really anxious because I didn’t know if Amy would pick me or her other friends. It was awkward being in a group with her friends because, aside from not getting along with Amy’s best friend, I also had to be with (again, name changed) Nicholas, who had liked me and was my best friend, but because of a silly message, we drifted apart.

Sarah wanted me as her friend, and I felt the same way; we were close when Amy wasn't around. All that changed when we moved up to 9th grade (which is where I am now), and things changed drastically.

I was still me, and I think that’s the problem: I don’t have the same tastes as most of my classmates. I isolated myself quite a bit after I stopped hanging out with my old group of friends, and I had almost nothing in common with the people around me, so when they switched us up, I saw it in a way I didn’t want to see it.

In this class, after school, I ended up with Amy and Mila. Amy was still pretty much herself, a little change in her hair and all that, and Mila was still Mila. I thought I’d feel comfortable, but it was the exact opposite, and I immediately noticed how the two of them, having been together since the start of 9th grade, had become even closer. I wanted to be indifferent about it, but I can’t anymore because I feel alone in my class, and feeling like they’re leaving me out is even worse. They used to be my refuge from everything that was happening to me, and now I can’t be with them without feeling like an intruder, it’s horrible and awful. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this, and neither of them picks me when they form groups. I know it’s not their fault, but I feel terrible.

So manifesting.. law of assumption.. ive really been getting into these things. So usually it’s always like money and etc people want to manifest into their lives. Ok now I know to the ‘average’ person this is going to sound ehhh to……. But you know it’s always ‘life is what you make it’, ‘the only limits you have are the ones you have on yourself’ so magic. I want that. I’m aware of witchcraft and some other spiritual knowledge but yk like magic, teleport, energy blasts (ok don’t really want that but I hope you get) so manifesting magical powers specifically, I feel when ever I search something that has to do with ‘supernatural’ I see stuff like reality shifting or humans of this world don’t have the ability. Firstly I want it in THIS reality, secondly isn’t that technically a limiting belief? And how would I start unlimiting myself. I mean tbh there might be a bunch of people that know this and have ‘unlocked’ their powers but are just hiding. I hope this reaches people that are into magic kinda and also manifesting (coincidentally)

Omg, I need to rant because my mind is in absolute **chaos** right now. There's this guy—let's call him **Prince** (and trust me, the name fits because he literally treats me like a princess). Like, I don’t even know what to do anymore because he is **so close and touchy** and I **can't tell if he's just like this with everyone or if I should be reading into it**.

So, Prince is **always** around me. Like, if I’m sitting somewhere, he’ll just casually come over and sit **super close**, to the point where our shoulders are touching. And if I move slightly, he doesn’t even shift away—if anything, I feel like he leans in more. **And don’t even get me started on the way he touches me.** It’s not in a weird way or anything, but he’ll randomly poke my side, rest his arm on my shoulder, or even put his hand on my back when he talks to me. And this isn’t just once or twice—**it’s a pattern**.

And then there’s the way he acts when we’re around other people. He’s always making sure I’m good, asking me if I’ve eaten, helping me with random stuff without me even asking. **He hypes me up all the time, too**—like if I do literally anything, he’ll be like, “See? That’s why you’re amazing.” And then he’ll just **stare at me and smile** like ??? Boy, what do you mean by that???

But here’s the thing—I **don’t know if this is just how he is or if he’s actually giving me signs**. Because when I do stuff, like talk to other guys or even just joke around with my friends, I swear I see him looking. And I mean **really looking**—like I’ll glance at him, and he’ll already be watching, and then he looks away really fast like he wasn’t just analyzing my every move. And when I don’t give him attention, he finds ways to get it. He’ll randomly bring something up just to talk to me or do something dumb to make me laugh.

The worst part?? He’s **so reassuring and supportive.** Like, I could be having the worst day ever, and he just **knows.** He’ll check in, tell me I’m strong, and that I deserve the best. **BRO, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT??** He’s so **emotionally present** it’s actually throwing me off. I don’t know if he does this for everyone, but I feel like he treats me **differently.**

So now I’m just sitting here questioning **everything.** Is he **just like this**? Am I overthinking? **Or is he actually dropping hints??** Like, I swear, sometimes it feels like he’s being lowkey flirty, but then I second-guess myself because I don’t want to look dumb. I just don’t know anymore, and it’s driving me crazy.

Someone tell me what this means because I genuinely have no clue. **Prince, what are you trying to tell me?!?**

I posted a few days ago about how messed up the school system is and how i feel really exhausted and i reread it recently and was like WOW was I playing a victim. I realized that the entire post is painfully pity-seeking, and makes me want to cry. I'm not having a harder time than anyone else, and my situation is actually very good, so the fact that I am actively harping against a reality I have created for myself is just completely disgusting. I've decided to stop acting like a martyr and actually take responsibility for my laziness and realize that there is NOTHING special about my situation. It's just called being in high school. It's just called working hard for a future and not looking for attention for surviving it. The only true problem is me, and it's about time I take responsibility for my life. Thanks to the comments who helped me realize that.

PS. How do I tell if some of those comments are AI? they felt too similar idk it was creepy. If you are not an AI and you comment, add in the name of a fruit and don't use emojis.

It feels very uncomfortable when you had weeks (Eid Mubarak holidays) just being drenched in your room and not doing anything besides doom-scrolling on whatever the fuck sake platform you are on, I just felt like that because I felt so many things are so pointless whether I tried so many stuff so many stuff to do so I have some purpose, I don't really feel that my own self is very anxious, but generally I think I do because how many times I felt not being able to speak, but you know what I just found out I can really reach out to speak to any people, It's just I can't manage that how people would like to perceive myself, When I tried to be myself i just think that I am so fragile to being social 'cause of the words I am arranging that may be apparently awkward, this happens to so many groups of people I am trying to fit in, it turns out to be not so good, and all of these, me being very awkward makes myself being so outrageous and indecisive because I can't be better, I almost wiped out half of my house interiors because of all of the suffering, but I've had the chance of being serene for myself because I had this one girl I can be friends with, now I felt like me and her are just a distant acquintances because for some reason she's attracted with the group of boys in my class, this particular group of boys is the one I've tried to reach out with and felt so fragile because I cannot adapt with their behaviours and banter, that's why I didn't try to get to her again, and then I've tried to DM her, asking if we can be friends again like so back, she replied that we'll be friends no matter what, all the agony from myself got supressed after I chatted to her about this, but turns out it's just a short-term of cooling down, in the next few days I sent her messages that is left on read, now it gaves so much clarity that any of these being fit to the society shit are pointless, I've worsened myself because I am in the current phase of being indecisive because I'm tired of my attempts, But you know I would like to know if it keeps even getting worse so that I can enliven this shit instead of giving me frenzy BS that keeps make me despairing every hope, If you read this maybe you would be speechless because I may be typing shit, but if you understood any of these I'll be in touch for your insights whether it's a critic with blasphemy or not.

In an effort to manage my hectic work schedule better, I recently decided to prep my breakfasts for a few days in advance. It's something small, but it makes a big difference for me to have a meal ready each morning. Everything was set perfectly until my husband, Dave, unexpectedly halved the stash before I even had the chance to stow it in the fridge for cooling.

The items I prepared weren't elaborate, just simple grab-and-go meals. So imagine my frustration when I discovered that Dave had consumed five out of the twelve portions I prepared. That’s nearly half of them in one sitting! I had told him beforehand that I was prepping these meals to use throughout the week, so it wasn't a secret.

When I brought it up, gently pointing out how many he had eaten, I hoped Dave would understand. Instead, he suggested I should take it as a compliment. He went on about how, as his wife, I should feel pleased to cook for him and that he should have the freedom to eat any amount he chooses. His reaction escalated quickly, accusing me of not being supportive for merely mentioning it.

While I don’t mind sharing a bit—two, perhaps three portions would have been fine—the fact that he nearly depleted half the supply before I could enjoy even one left a sour taste. I can't help but wonder: am I overreacting? Is it wrong to expect to enjoy the fruits of my meal prep labor?

Imagine if this situation unfolded on a reality show. The dramatic confrontation, perhaps in a confessional booth with dramatic background music, would highlight the tension. Viewers would likely be divided; some might sympathize with me for wanting to keep my meals, while others might side with Dave, seeing it as an overreaction. The dynamics of marital give-and-take could be scrutinized under the public and unforgiving lens of reality TV, possibly making the whole episode a talking point for viewers on partner expectations and respect over shared resources.

I'm working since november in a new job and at first I tought that it would more than the same but now I really like it and I'm really glad to be there. But now I have to travel in february with My family for almost three weeks and I'm kinda sad and guilty because I don't wanna leave this workplace and I know for sure that they're going to fire me. So, I don't know what to say or do... And I can't delay the flight because it was too expensive and my family bought it in october.

Its been awhile, yeah it is. I learned knew things and overcame many problems, i broke up with my now ex boyfriend along time ago

yeah. i took a little break since then, now im dating one off my close friend. Yes i regret it? or do i?....he and i were together before my late ex, and he was obsessive, ...and creepy,...he hurted me 2 times before?...and he said he change but idek....i gave him a chance?, he loves me alot, and idk ....he is a hoe tho...like ...posting girls up on his insta, saying bae...and wanting to fuck his friends?...i dunno whats with my love life..an i dunno what to do.

Last Sunday, I arranged a date with a girl named Mandy, whom I had become acquainted with through my friend's girlfriend, Sara. Mandy had always struck me as an amiable and engaging person during our brief interactions at football gatherings at my friend's place. Confident that she shared my interest in football, I invited her out to watch a game at a local sports bar, planning to also enjoy dinner and possibly play some pool.

After picking Mandy up, we arrived at the bar where she spotted a friend of hers sitting with a group. After a quick hello, we initially grabbed seats at the bar to eat. Shortly thereafter, Mandy suggested joining her friend's group. Reluctantly, I agreed. Post introductions, I felt quite out of place as Mandy immersed herself with her friends. Attempts at engaging others in conversation about football or other topics didn't pan out well, leaving me sidelined.

As the game neared its end, I informed Mandy of my plans to leave soon, to which she persuaded me to stay for one more drink. What followed were rounds of shots for her group, while I stuck to my soda due to driving responsibilities. Realizing she wasn't wrapping up as indicated, I reiterated my need to leave due to an early morning. Mandy seemed absorbed with her friends, almost oblivious to my departure, and after multiple attempts to gain her attention failed, I eventually left alone.

The fallout came the next day when Sara berated me over the phone for abandoning Mandy at the bar. Despite explaining the situation, Sara dismissed my feelings, suggesting I should have just joined in. Though Mandy was never truly alone, the ordeal has left me questioning if walking out made me a bad person.

Imagine if this scenario played out on a reality show, the drama would certainly be heightened with cameras rolling, capturing every awkward silence and disappointed glance. Viewers would probably be divided, some sympathizing with my feelings of exclusion, others criticizing my decision to leave without Mandy. It's funny how much more intense every reaction and decision can seem when you're under the public's eye.

Did I do the right thing by leaving the bar?

I'm a teenager. When It was quarantine, I've slowly gotten depression, anxiety, and all that stuff. One day, my mother didn't come home that night with my father since they both work 8 to 5. I was worried and asked where she was. My dad said she was staying somewhere else for the night, but my worries didn't die down. I later texted my mother asking where she was and she said that she was in the sidewalk and that she was going to sleep there. I was shocked and continued to text her until 12 AM. She told me to go to sleep, so I deleted out convo with her and cried to sleep. Later on that following week, I found out she was staying over her friend's house and slept over there, because she and my father got into an argument. Fast forward a couple weeks, our pitbull named Luna got out of her cage and got loose all over the outside of our house. We had gates so she couldn't leave easily. As my parents got home from work, we found out that she chewed on my mother's slippers that were outside. My father was irritated and when I was in my room, possibly playing my games or watching tiktok, I hear the throws of slippers my dad threw to Luna. Abusing her, I heard her pained howls but i turned a blind eye. I didnt wanna end up like her. That night, I also cried to sleep. One day, my mom was suspecting she had cancer. So she went on a checkup with my father. After a couple days, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was laying in my bed when my father came up to my bed and told me 'youre always on your phone. Decrease your screen time and at least care for your mother. Your mother had cancer now and she needs all the love and care." I interpreted this on how I understood what he said. When I heard that, I was horrible. I was helpless. I wanted to help my mother but didn't know how. Right when my father left the room, I burst into tears. Slowly breaking down. (My mom is fine and healthy now. She got her chemotherapy treatment done already, and does regular check ups.). In quarantine, I'm sure it was normal that some people like me got fat and all that. I was insecure of my fat body back then, and wanted to get skinny. But then one day, my father told me something before me and my mom we're about to go out. "You look pregnant" he says with a grin. If that were a joke, why didn't I laugh? After that day, I started to starve myself and started only eating 1 meal a day. It was a couple months, after my mom found out since I was throwing up due to not eating properly. I'm well off now, at least better than before. Back to quarantine, I had this trio I was part of since elementary. But when it was quarantine, things started to change. One day we started to fight all afternoon, and let's call one of them Anna, and the other Rachel. Rachel avoided the arguments, usually the peace maker or just agreeing to some statements one did to another. Anna and I were the ones fighting. She was always with her other friends, and I was thinking that she was replacing me and rachel with her new trio. Every argument was over text because it was quarantine of course, but I mostly ended with sobbing to my plushies on my bed in the afternoon. Time passes, it's 2022. We went back to school with just me and rachel as friends. We broke ties with Anna after finding out the toxic friendship. In the first year of my freshman year of highschool, I was doing well. Enjoying being with the new classmates. I loved how joyful they were. Until one day, in second quarter. Our car's battery broke and my father was irritated and frustrated with all the money he had to spend. (We're well off also.) He was angry as well that we didn't seem to care and only cared about our own efficiency on the car. We didn't. My mother, the wife she is. She tries to help. Offering to contact the car brand company so they'll fix it. My father then broke out and said "if you thought of it, you pay for it! It's easy." I can hear the anger even if it was in text. I was in school while that happened. I was reading the texts in out family gc, holding back my tears. Afraid anyone will see. After my father sent a few more messages, my mother then broke as well. "Fix yourself, (father's name.)! We aren't the cause that car broke down, so don't blame us!' I can feel her frustration through the phone. After my father sent a few more text messages, my mother left. I thought they were going to go through a divorce. After two hours or so, my mom was added back by my big sister. My parents then deleted their messages, and my father texted me, "sorry about earlier, okay?" I ignored his message. After all this, I now have eczema, because of genes and possibly stress. I am now acidic, I cannot eat too much food that contains acids. Such as apples. I have mental problems, and I can barely understand myself. (I have not seeked a therapist for all this, as I have been hiding this from everyone. I am a minor and most probably need an adult to consult to a therapist.)

I’ve moved all my life never in one house for long due to one parent. So I’ve never made relationships, either friend or love. Every time I do a few week later I move again. This parent always asked, “No girlfriend yet”, “Why don’t you go out with friends” and other of the sort. My answers were always “No” and “They are online”. I started online school a year or two before Covid as I was going to help take care of a family member but they never moved in, and with my constant move I decided to stay online, Covid didn’t help and I never had a high school life, prom or any of that. I did college for a year online as well but that’s because of something else in a bit.

This parent suggested maybe I join the military, so I did, I enlisted in the Army. I spent a year and some change months clearing my medical and prepping. A few months before I was cleared I met my first and only girlfriend through a milsim we were part of. That’s again, for later. But I signed my life away as a 68W Combat Medical Specialist with a 4k bonus and was extremely lucky to choose a first duty station. South Korea, I never made it but woulda been great. So I ship to FT Sill OK for BCT and train. I made it a few weeks before my legs gave and I couldn’t stand. I went to the medical center and doctors and after a battery of tests and imaging, I stress fractured nearly every bone from my hips (inside and outer) to my feet, grade 1-4, I also ripped many of my muscles in my legs, and had something called Rhabdo-Myolosis. On top of that I was diagnosed with Osteoporosis and told I was of no use to the Army. I was placed on confinement to quarters for 72 hours twice while they were doing all the testing spanning to weeks. Terrible, I couldn’t lay on the bed so I sat on the concrete floor, cold, for hours and hours only able to go outside for meals. Watching my battle buddy’s come in for brief time trying to get info from them. What are you doing? It’s it tough? How are you? But it was in vein. White walls hum of the ac, occasional drill coming into to check lockers and throw something. Before I was discharged I was placed in a medical hold unit, C95 Adj Battalion. Basically for people really hurt and can’t stay at their training battery. I would say this was the start of my decent into depression and honestly lunacy. It was only 50 days in there but they were ever long. White brick walls, no windows, in crutches and medical boots like my 72 hour holds, A tv that was always off because of punishment. It was a prison, insane asylum and hospital in one room. Phone maybe 2 times a week but never enough to tell my family what’s happening. On call of hey I’m doing great I’m feeling strong, then I basically shattered my legs and I don’t know what’s happening, to finally, I’m useless and I will never be the same again. I went mad there, I’m not okay now either, I can’t be closed in, I need to see outside, and the bricks, ohh the bricks. If I ever see them I absolutely lose it inside. That was it, from I’m going to be a soldier and prove I’m worthy and have amazing dad lore for her and our future kids to, dang, I’ve lost my dream job. But I was going home to my partner.

My partner and I, met on a milsim for a game. We were extreme long distance being across the ocean but we made it work. It started 3 months before I shipped to BCT. And she stayed all through my training. I thought a few times I’d get Dear John’d but I was lucky. Nope. 2 weeks after I got home she got shallow, and we never played a game together even though that’s literally how we met and played daily before I left. So on the end of week 3 I said I k ow you want this to end. Just tell me so I hear it from you. She admitted she wanted it to end and in short I agreed to her leaving. She said she will stay till I get my help from the VA. I said no, I don’t want to force you to stay, and it would take years. That was it. 7 months gone. I really felt I lost it all then. My core dreams. I had my dream career, health and woman. Then in 3 months all was gone.

A few months later the same week I had plans to visit her country and her, I had to put my dog down. I was done at that point. Everything I had.

I continued seeing mental health services at the VA and long story short I was put in an inpatient psychiatric hospital. I met someone there and decided to give each other a chance. I had my first date ever, and had my first kiss ever. Finally feeling the human connection I had craved for years. But I shoulda known better. Nothing works for me. That night I cried tears of joy, someone cares about me again, the physicality of humanity is perfect, she cried to, but cause she still loved her ex. Told me a few days later. And after many talks, I found, she used me, the pictures we took, the date, everything was to get him to talk to her again. I said I can’t continue talking to you after that. I may crave that connection more now but not at the cost of fighting another guy for someone and being used to get to him. Just. No.

So now I’m back at square one. Alone. I don’t have a job because my health limits work and no one will hire with my conditions. Back to being online and trying to make it through the day.

My relationship journey began beautifully about two years ago when my partner and I entered into a committed relationship. Things between us clicked almost instantly, setting a tone of seamless harmony and bliss. At times, I even doubted my own worthiness of such a perfect match. However, as months turned into years and we decided to share a living space, the initial euphoria gradually gave way to frequent arguments.

Our disagreements started small, almost insignificant, but as time passed, they morphed into persistent bouts of bickering over mundane issues. It felt as though we were caught in a relentless cycle of conflict, followed by brief reconciliations. Although we were careful not to escalate things too severely, the past six months have seen a noticeable increase in the intensity and frequency of our disputes. Our relationship now seems to harbor more tension than affection, with sarcastic jabs and reactive outbursts becoming all too common. The situation has become exhausting, with our status alternating between being in a relationship and taking breaks.

In moments of frustration, I've often turned to my family and friends to vent. I'd share the specifics of our latest altercation and seek their perspectives. However, this habit took a turn for the worse when my partner overheard one of these conversations and was deeply hurt. He felt misrepresented as the villain in our partnership. This has led me to question the dynamics of seeking external advice. Is it wrong to discuss our private conflicts with others?

Imagine if our private squabbles were broadcasted on a reality show, with each dramatic moment scrutinized under the public eye. How would viewers react to such revelations? Would the external judgment and the pressure of audience opinions exacerbate our issues, or could it possibly lead to a swift resolution encouraged by the collective wisdom of the masses?