Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

digital marketing. Selling digital products. Like ok that lek sounds easy BUT WHEREEEEE like I was signing up for one but it don’t have PayPal TFF U MEAN???? like I was having so many creative ideas too like ahhhg why like I need somewhere where I can sell ANYTHING AND CAN USE PAYPAL FOR MY STUFF and that web looked so promising 💔 until the stuff they said werent pro were pro?

So, I think some of read my vent in https://iiwiars.com/school/i-m-a-failure-long-version

And I showed it to my mom. She said it was nonsense of me to keep dragging this now because it already finished 2 days ago. She told me that the family still loves me, and no other family can ever love me the same way. What if she's lying? She said in life you shouldn't feel miserable and still allow yourself to change. I told her I can't change, and that I wish I could be faster because I'm slow compared to many others, but Moomy told me that it doesn't matter and I will still change and be good. What if she's lying? She also said that she can be my friend because she's my mom and so far she's been understanding. What if she's lying? She says that we all have a good time until I remember that we had a horrible argument/misunderstanding the night before, which she said she didn't forget, but she didn't wanna let it define her. What if she's lying? I'm hurt by the argument that day, and I feel like I was turned into a clown-like caricature, a "child creating her own problems to seek attention from others".

Surely I'm Belle Gibson, the Instagram lady who almost convinced the world she had cancer and they believed her genuinely (you should read the website above to know what I mean). My mom said that I shouldn't vent anymore and I should delete the thing, the big paragraphs I showed her, because it's not true. I told her that's not the point of a vent, and she said vents are apparently some stuff "people shove their ass in". Fuck her so much. I told her whenever I get angry, I wanna murder people, like, literally, and she called me a psycho. I told her I should've never said that and kept it in, but for some reason, bloody whore tells me to tell her EVERYTHING because she won't leave me behind! Bitch, you're lying, I know you are! Shut the fuck up, Moomy! Should I even call her that? It sounds wrong. Imagine having your mother as a friend, it'd be humiliating if any of my classmates saw me walk with my mom and brother in malls and not my friends, because I lack them. She told me I was good enough for now and I can improve, but not by "being miserable" because "I'm digging a deep hole I can't get out of".

I know she's been in many hardships, her parents divorced, financial issues, she couldn't have her dream job of being a doctor (she's an engineer now), yet she's never vented, because she's always been positive? That's some anime BS where the main guy says that! BS! I'm not digging a hole, am I? I'm telling the truth. Cynicism and hopelessness works because I'm not chasing fake happiness, I'm seeking the real truth. Again, it's embarrassing I'm having a "friendship" with my Moomy and not another person from class! Who even does that now? I don't even know anyone online! She's lying!

Eight years ago, after the birth of our twin children, my former partner and I decided to go our separate ways. We had been dating for just over a year when she became pregnant, and although we tried to stay together for the children, it wasn't meant to be. She soon found someone new and yearned to pursue that relationship. Our split, while peaceful, marked the beginning of a challenging co-parenting arrangement.

Initially, co-parenting went smoothly. However, when my ex remarried to a man who was also a single father, the dynamics began to shift. He had a daughter the same age as our twins and insisted that I should treat her as part of my family, expecting me to include her in gift-giving and outings with my own children. This demand complicated our interactions and subsequently led us to adopt a parallel parenting approach to avoid conflicts.

We share custody equally, and neither of us pays child support since we both have the children for equal amounts of time. I maintain a close bond with my twins and, during my allotted time, I focus on them without including the other children from their mother's household. Over time, their family has expanded to include a stepsister, a stepcousin who moved in three years ago, and a younger half-sister, adding more complexity to the family structure. Another child is possibly on the way.

The current disagreement stems from an upcoming class trip in November. The school our children attend is rather small, leading to shared classes between them and their stepsiblings. This trip, to an interactive museum, is quite costly, but I can afford it and my twins are excited to go. I decided to pay for them, but this decision didn't sit well with my ex and her husband. They felt that I should also pay for their stepsiblings' tickets or else let none of the children go. They argued this would avoid any feelings of exclusion and maintain family unity. I disagreed, emphasizing that it was my right and decision during my parenting time. This led to accusations from my ex’s husband that I was undermining their family dynamics and fostering resentment among the kids.

Do you support my decision? What do you think? Am I wrong?

2/2/25 2:19pm TW: TALK OF SELF HARM

"I feel when i question my skin starts to burn"

"why does my skin start to burn?"

fable - Gigi Perez

I've always struggled with self imagine, how to deal with my emotions and express them in

a healthy way.

Growing up i never viewed myself as beautiful and if i did it was cause i had a full face.

Growing up i never viewed my body as beautiful either.

I learned to starve myself, but why the effort if i was going to binge? but than again i was bulimic.

I fell in love with self imagine at roughly 8? sexualizing myself to get a chance at some sort of affection

"do you send?"

It felt good to be validated to dress cute, to be looked at...they paid attention even seemed to care.

Growing up my mom was an addict, she'd often choose her male partners over me, never cared about how i myself fell into addiction, how i was struggling to keep it together everyday.

I means you told me yourself you knew i was dabbling in drugs, hurting myself...hurting.

My dad had passed on earlier in my life so it was me and my half siblings.

I've come accustomed to being alone, I've grow comfortable with my own presence.

I can grow "lonely" often times, but I'd probably use the word yearning, yearning for connection more like conversation.

I often avoid people, groups, it doesn't really matter i just often seclude myself as much as possible, its like a back and forth battle between being alone and needing a spirit, in the end I'm usually alone by choice of course..

I found myself changing my appearance every week, my hair, makeup, style, opinions occasionally personality.

i wish i could explain myself fully, thoroughly, i need to be understood at least once i need to be heard even seen.

Eventually i thought i had tried everything, and well of course i wasn't satisfied i will never be. I'd learned what self harm was and so i had began from fifth grade to last year, I'm proudly clean though its a daily struggle to push the thoughts and urges away, I'm clean.

To feel the blade against my skin, the world seem comfortably quiet as my heart slows and my worries fade until due time.

I fallen in love with the pain the beauty of my scars. Actively engaging in self harm while being surrounded by people struggling with the same issue was difficult, i felt competitive and envious of people who had "better look scars" than mine, deeper ones, i wanted so badly to be validated to be loved thoroughly.

When i think back to those years i feel overwhelming with sorrow, i wish i had a me those years ago i needed me more than i needed anybody and yet all i could offer myself was cruel treatment and hurtful words. i didn't think I'd make it to 18, yet here i am in the flesh.

I have grown so much as a spirit and yet the only person who may care, who fully knows is me. Sometimes i forget I'm somebody too a being with opinions, motives, thoughts, and feelings.

I'm learning how to love what i see to accept it...me utterly.

I've developed a mindset, i have no competition, not in a "everyone else is ugly" type of way but i simply have no one to compare myself to.

On another note not only have i grown, so has me and my moms relationship, it started with her getting clean.

for context i’m a teenager and was trying to make plans with my best friend yesterday, but she didn’t respond for the entire day (very unlike her) so i was confused and texted her again to just come over the next day if she wanted since i had nothing to do and would probably be at home all day. she dropped by and told me after a few minutes of talking that she hadn’t replied to me last night since she was going to our mutual friends decent sized house party and “didn’t want me to feel jealous.” i was honestly a little hurt and shocked that she would say that, but she said it so casually so i laughed it off. she proceeded to tell me all these crazy details about how fun this party that i wasn’t invited to was. i’ve never rlly been to a real party before (only small get-togethers in basements and that type of thing) and after she left i was just so hurt that she or our other friend wouldn’t invite me, or at the very least just not describe it to me in detail when she knows i have never been to something like that. she’s not a huge party person either though (doesn’t wanna drink) so i’ve been wondering if i’m just overreacting and being a baby or if she was being a jerk. any opinions appreciated

i swear i dont even know whats wrong with me anymore. i cant stop thinkin about him like all day all night its just him in my head 24/7. like its drivin me crazy. we aint even talkin anymore but i still keep checkin my phone every 5 mins like maybe he’ll text or like maybe he’s thinkin bout me too (even tho i know he probly not). we was never official official but it felt real to me. we had a connection, the way he looked at me, the way we talked for hours, laughin about dumb stuff. nd now? nothin. just silence. nd it hurts more than i thought it would. like why can’t i just move on like a normal person?? why am i still stuck on someone who don’t even care if i’m breathin or not??

my friends keep tellin me to forget him, to block him, delete the pics, all that. nd i tried. for real. i tried to distract myself, go out more, talk to other ppl, even flirt a lil just to see if i could feel somethin again. but i don’t. its like no one hits the same. i see him everywhere too, like songs remind me of him, certain spots in school feel weird without him there. i even wear that hoodie he let me borrow still, even tho i know it’s dumb. nd the worst part? he moved on like it was nothin. he’s talkin to someone else now and actin like i never mattered. like i was just a phase or some fun thing he did for a bit. nd maybe i was. maybe i made it bigger in my head than it really was. but to me, it felt real. nd now i just feel stupid for fallin so hard.

sometimes i cry at night just thinkin bout what i did wrong. was i too much? not enough? did i scare him off by feelin too deep? i replay convos in my head, thinkin what i coulda said diff, what i coulda changed. nd yeah i kno, i shouldn’t blame myself, but how do u not when someone u gave your heart to just lets it go like it was nothin?? he said things that made me think he cared. he looked at me like i was the only person in the room. he made me feel seen, nd now i feel invisible. like i was only temporary. like i’m just another girl he’ll forget soon.

i just want it to stop. the overthinkin, the dreamin bout him, the way my heart still jumps when i see his name pop up somewhere. i wish i could just shut off the part of my brain that still misses him. that still wants him. but i can’t. he’s stuck in me. nd maybe one day i’ll get over it, maybe someone new will make me forget how bad this hurts, but rn? rn it feels like i’m gonna feel this forever. like he broke somethin in me without even tryin. nd he probly don’t even kno. or care. but i do. nd that’s what sucks the most. cuz even if he don’t feel nothin, i still can't stop thinkin bout him. nd i hate that i still want someone who dont want me.

“So you think being a lesbian is worse than being a rapist?“ was not something I wanted to hear in the first 10 minutes of class.

But I keep my head up, and laugh when something funny happens because what else can I do?

I can act like it doesn’t matter.

Who are you to me anyway?

But no one says anything

and the words keep coming like waves crashing onto the shore

“Who even cares about the LGBT community anyway?“

“Why are you so gay?“

“just put the boy or girl on the website, the other ones are too complicated“

Petty jokes that flaunt your obvious queerphobia like a trophy.

And I know the teachers are trying their best

But I’m so tired of them changing the subject

“Just let it go!“

“I’m okay with it, but sheesh.“

You get a slap on the wrist so they don’t have to actually deal with the problem

Everytime it gets okay enough for me to feel good for once

I get hit with something like “Homosexuality is a sin!“ or “isn’t it some sort of disease?“

which is so easy for someone straight like you to say

Who’s questioned skipping class because you can’t handle another trumpie telling you how to exist

Who’s never questioned who the right person to tell about your crush is because you don’t know how they’ll react

Who’s never had someone get up and run away from you after you told them about your sexuality

Who’s never had a friend say “I don’t talk to lesbians because I’m worried they’ll like me!“ behind your back.

No one’s blackmailed you for being straight.

No one’s said you’ve betrayed the opposite sex.

You’ve never spent a birthday party sitting next to some girl trying to convince you you’re too pretty for this “lifestyle.“

You’ve never sat there and taken all the comments and rude gestures while you talk to a person of the opposite sex because you’re too scared to tell them the truth.

You’re not sick.

You’re not a sinner.

And you don’t have to deal with the consequences of your actions

Because you have queer friends!

You get a free pass!

You were just kidding!

And everyone believes you.

What do they care?

It’s not about them anyway

I’ve spent too much time pretending not to hear you

or that you meant something else

I’m not asking for much

But you don’t need to look at at through the lense of your religion

You don’t need to look at us through the lense of being less

You just need to look at us the same way that you look at people

Your fellow humans

All I ask is too be humanized

Is that too much?

I’ve always had a habit of joking about myself, but lately, I’m starting to think it’s getting out of control. Self deprecating humor was kinda my thing—it made people laugh, made me seem approachable, and honestly, it helped me cover up any awkwardness. At work, it felt like the easiest way to fit in. Like, if I made fun of myself first, no one else could. “Oh yeah, I totally butchered that presentation,” or “Classic me, messing up again.” At first, it was just harmless banter, but now? It’s like I can’t say anything about myself without adding a joke at my own expense.... It's like if self deprecating at work has ruined my confidence... And the worst part? I think people have started to believe it. At first, they laughed along, but now, I catch these looks—like they’re wondering if I actually am bad at my job. Maybe they don’t trust me to handle big projects. Maybe I’ve been so good at making myself the office joke that they actually see me that way now.

The other day, I overheard two coworkers talking about me—nothing mean, but one of them said something like, “Yeah, he’s funny, but you can’t really take him seriously. He even says so himself.” That hit me way harder than it should have. I realized that all these little jokes, all the ways I downplayed myself, were actually making people see me as... less. Less competent. Less reliable. Less professional. I’d been so busy making sure no one saw me as arrogant that I accidentally convinced them I wasn’t worth much at all. And honestly, now I don’t even know if I believe in myself anymore. It’s one thing to use humor to connect with people, but it’s another thing to make yourself look incapable. And now? I feel like I’ve spent the last year making myself sound like a joke, and everyone—including me—started believing it. The weird thing is, I never even felt that insecure before. But now? Now I hear my own words playing back in my head, and they don’t feel like jokes anymore.

Now I’m stuck trying to figure out how to undo it. I wanna be taken seriously at work, but how do I suddenly stop making jokes about myself without looking like I’m trying too hard? It feels weird to just start acting confident when I’ve spent so much time making it clear I wasn’t. And the worst part? Even when I try to stop, those thoughts are still there. Like, what if I really am just average? What if they’re right? It’s like I tricked myself into seeing myself the same way I made everyone else see me. And the truth is, I don’t wanna be seen that way anymore. I know I need to change this before it completely wrecks my career, but I don’t even know where to start. Maybe I need to fake confidence until it becomes real. Maybe I need to just stop talking so much and let my work speak for itself. Or maybe, I just need to figure out how to stop believing every joke I ever made about myself.

At first, I felt fine, before I realized: In your eyes, I'm a demon, right? Without an ending, I'm still pretending like I attended your funeral today. Overconsumption of your own compassion, put on perfume of iniquity. Now I could never dream of doing anything in such a way like you did to me, so, give me a taste of sovereignty, a lantern in the night. Get me away from history, from the cycle's bitter light, from existing out of spite.

Now do you hate me? Are you afraid of me? Are you able to feel culpability? Come forth, and kill me! Bow down, and worship name! Take your time! All we have is eternity! My name is unknown, something I've never told. On my own, I declare, "I DON'T WANNA GO HOME!" I've got a cut-throat delight as we carouse while you writhe. I'll put your fear in my drink tonight. Tonight, I'm chewing up and spitting out your pride. You got an iron dye where only God'll find. I took a photo of shame to remember you by. True colours make a pretty-picture memory, returning less than you gave to me. I know infinity, she howls with the past, as they gouge each other's eyes. I know duplicity, who once was a child born in villainy. I know infinity, she howls with the past, as they gouge each other's eyes. I know what hides in me, if only you knew the same... Now do you hate me? Are you afraid of me? Are you able to feel culpability? Come forth, and kill me! Bow down, and worship name! Take your time! All we have is eternity! My name is unknown, something I've never told. On my own, I declare, "I don't wanna go home!"

Culpability: Responsibilty for a fault or wrong; blame.

Nobody feels culpability anymore.

Except me.

And the only culpability I feel is other people's.

It took place yesterday, so I since calmed down. This is what I wrote yesterday in the comments of my story so that I could update y'all on this situation. I wish there was an update feature so that we can update the stories directly ^^'

I did my best to tell the story as accurately as I could, despite how emotional I was. If it ends up not making sense, I'm sorry.

Thank you to the people who took the time to read the first part of my story. I was already trying to heal myself on my own from my issues since I was young, but the comments I got made me realize that my comfort matters too. I have a habit of letting things stay as is because I don't want to bother anyone with my needs in fear of being selfish or conceited, but I know this is harmful to me. Thank you guys for helping me take a step to regaining my space.

It's daytime and today, my mom somehow decided to stay in my room to eat her breakfast while I was chilling in my room on my computer, which made me a bit uncomfortable. My stepdad tried to propose her to go back in her room since he's not using it anymore, but she refused, and that was it. Even if she was done with her breakfast, she stayed. I tried to endure it, but the discomfort kept being there, so I eventually tried to tell her get out of my room politely and calmly a few times. She kept refusing. It came to a point where she told me she was going to get mad if I continued to ask her. We ended up getting into an argument, with her calling me selfish and blowing up at me and me crying and blowing up at her as a result to me not feeling heard. I tried explaining to her that it's been since my teenage years that I let her use my room with me to sleep and that I just want the room for myself, at least for the day. I even pleaded and everything. I now know it's not the best way to try to communicate my feelings, but in the moment, that was the best way I had to try to get my point across, but she didn't take it well. She took it as me kicking her out of my room, and because she's paying for the roof, she won't get out.

With the commotion, my stepdad checked out what was going on, and with me screaming, I tried to explain to him what was going on. I didn't think I'd hear him say it, but he said that he understood where I was coming from and that I really just wanted privacy. (I'm surprised because I heard him saying, while he was on the phone with one of his brothers, that he hugged one of his relatives on purpose because they were uncomfortable with his presence). However, my mom kept calling me selfish for it. I screamed back at her as a response, again, because I didn't feel heard. She told me that she would get out if I apologized to her for telling her to get out of my room, and I retorted that she should apologize for calling me selfish. My stepdad tried to reason with me, saying that she surely understands, that she didn't call me selfish in bad faith, that she's going to get out, but to me, that wasn't the case. The only reason that she got out was because I mentioned how she was using my deodorant. I was trying to prove that this is not the only instance of her calling me selfish because of me trying to calmy tell her to not do something. The arguing kept going to the point that my stepdad had to get out. To do something else or to get out of the conflict, I don't know, but with the screaming matches that I was having with my mom, I understood.

We kept arguing a bit more, and I eventually tried to tell her again to please get out of my room. In her own words, she wouldn't, because she doesn't take orders from me. And she didn't. For at least 10 or 20 minutes, I was on my bed crying with my mom sitting next to me. In that period of time, I texted my stepdad "I told you, she wouldn't listen, she didn't get out". He eventually came in, saying that he won't go back to his words and that he would be sleeping on the couch and that my mom would sleep in her room. My mom tried to interrupt him by the way, but he kept talking and didn't let her get a word in while he was saying that.

Now she's out of my room, but yeah. To summerize, I now have my room to myself, but in the process, my mom yelled at me, and I said some hurtful things too because I was frustrated I didn't feel heard by her. With how emotional I got (still am), maybe I am part of the problem in this household.

For the people that saw my goodbye post. I didn’t succeed in my attempt. It’s just gotten worse as my family members know and now I will be getting a therapist soon. I just want to go. I don’t want to stay longer.

I only seen to attract the wrong type of friends. They’re always manipulative or toxic or self centered and such. One of my friends called me names as a joke, another one ghosted me, another one uses me to get stuff from teachers, another one made fun of me when I called my mom because I was fainting in class, another one called me a snitch for telling her about my mother’s affair that has been heavy on me, another one gossiped about me behind my back, one is flirting with my crush, another one laughed off my mental health. I don’t know if I should have friends anymore. All my friends are like that and I don’t have family members who I can confide in and now I just feel lonely and pathetic. What should I do?

I’m genuinely seeking some advice on a situation that persists at home, and I need an outsider’s perspective. My wife makes less money than I do, which is fine, but her default is to handcraft gifts for people. It’s a noble gesture for sure, but it becomes problematic when the recipient, like myself, would prefer something specific that isn't handmade.

Here's an illustration from my own experiences. Over the last few years, every gift from her has been something she made. Regardless of what I explicitly ask for, whether it's inexpensive or not, I end up receiving a handmade present. Take last Christmas, for instance. I had my eye on a few gadgets, but I unwrapped a hand-knitted scarf instead. Don't get me wrong, her gifts are thoughtful, but it’s been the same every time. For her part, I always make sure I buy things that she lists.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was my recent birthday. I didn’t ask for much, just a single book worth about $25 and even sent her the direct link to buy it. Instead, I opened my gift to find homemade bookmarks. Not only were they not the kind of bookmarks I prefer (I like wooden ones and these were cloth), but it also felt like my requests were ignored.

I guess my disappointment was visible because she immediately asked what’s wrong. I confronted her directly this time, explaining how these weren't what I wanted at all—reminding her of our numerous discussions on this topic. I returned the bookmarks to her, a bit abruptly, perhaps, and went out to get the book myself.

Upon returning, we ended up in a big argument with her accusing me of being ungrateful and calling me names. I understand that she puts effort into these gifts, but I feel like my wishes aren’t being respected either.

Imagine such a scenario playing out in a reality show! Likely, the situation would be magnified. Viewers would be picking sides, with some sympathizing with the wife’s heartfelt creations while others might side with the husband’s desire for gifts that actually meet his tastes. Comments and debates would light up social media, maybe even spark a trending hashtag or two, as people chimed in on whether it’s the thought or the gift itself that counts more.

How do you think this would play out on a reality TV show?? Would people see me as demanding or would they understand where I’m coming from?

My personal love languages are quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch.

Yes, a person can have more than one love language. And technically, according to the 5 Love Languages... Food isn't one of them😂!

Food most likely is part of all of them other than words of affirmation... Unless one uses foods to describe their romantic partner🤔. Or uses food to convince their romantic partner via analogies in conversation🧐.

Most people I've meet are hard to interact with in terms of the words of affirmation😭. I've seen and heard a lot of the rest of the Love Languages being preferred. But society has a tendency to focus on actions more than words. But I personally feel very loved if someone actually talks to me. Both in-person and texting and calling. I don't need to take up their whole day, but I'd like to talk with someone... Anyone... Who doesn't feel overwhelmed by my talking style or texting style 😮‍💨. I genuinely don't think there's anyone out there who'd remember, comment, and enjoy reading 2 pages of texts🫠. But I enjoy words... I really enjoyed hearing ones poetic self. Even if it's not profound... If it's original and coming from the heart that's all that really matters to me. Plus honesty of course... Cause someone can create and original and one from the heart, but sometimes the heart isn't always in-tune with the mind. That may sound confusing... And it's around 1AM. So, I'm a bit tired. So ignore any parts that you don't understand... Cause I starting to not even understand what I'm saying either🥴.

By the way, where are the bestest places to make online friends or find online dating🫠. That's safe and valid😑. Cause I technically, at the moment, can't leave the house due to social anxiety... And other reasons... But I'd still like to make friends. Even if it's not romantic partners🙃.

Move on and let go or die trying you too nosy for your own good huh? You think you are helping when in reality you are just making up excuses trying to find ways to put me to hell? "Creating scenarios in your fcking head? You think you know everything you can't even see me in person without insulting when u gay af as well