Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

ever had one of those holiday flings that just knocked you on your ass???? well, that was me this summer. spent almost a month with this guy and damn, those were some of the best days of my life!!! first real love, you know??? now i'm back home and honestly, it feels like i'm missing a part of myself. it’s been 4 months and i can’t shake him off my mind. 🤷‍♀️

back then, everything was freaking perfect. sun, sea, and him—the trifecta!!!!!! we did all the typical touristy crap, but somehow, it never felt cliché, just magical. every night we'd hit up the beach, talk about shit, and it was like our souls were vibing, ya know? or maybe it was just the cocktails talking, hell if i know!!! one night, i swear, he said he loved me. and i believed it. god, was i naive for buying that??? but in the moment, i didn't give a damn. 😏💔

now back home, drowning in real life bullshit. college sucks, friends are the same old buzzkills, and doesn't help when all i think about is him. texting is alright, but it's sooooo different than hanging out. 🙄 long-distance blows. what’s the point?????? can’t help but wonder if he even misses me or moved on. was it all just a sick joke???? but if it was, why was it so damn sweet????

everyone says move on, "there's more fish in the sea," right???? i'm not buying that crap right now. it’s annoying how everyone pretends to know better. like, maybe I want to hold on to this pain a bit more, learn from it, i guess. love is a goddamn emotional rollercoaster. anyone else ride this hellish ride too???? honestly, i just want to scream and maybe slap some sense into myself. but hey, life goes on, yeah???? just wished he was still in it...

Eversince i started middle school my mom has been so harsh on me. i mean I get it, its to get ready for the future, but that doesn't mean calling me a biatch, saying to go fock yourself, I wish you were never born, I wish you weren't a burden, I wish you knew how to say sorry, I wish I knew, I wish I could actually, I wish to die. I just WISH I can actually learn to love, to accept, to learn to say sorry, to just restart. Im sorry mom, I wish I listened to you earlier, I don't want our relationship like this, I don't want my mom to not care for me anymore, I want to have the relationship were mom and daughter are bestfriends, I'm sorry for this, I wish... I just wish, i wish i was never born so i wouldn't be a burden, i just wish wish wish, I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense

So my parent was really strict before and barely let me do anything, but I started to have a lot of anxiety and just by making the smallest mistake I would start having a panic attack because I was so scared of failure and not being enough that it got dangerous and even developed into a phobia. My parent got really mad at me for always messing up because of my severe anxiety and manic depression from their expectations being too high. They called me 'ungrateful' and always using my mental health as 'excuses' just to get things. I tried to explain why I act like this, but they were having none of it. I just stopped trying to explain myself and just told them what's really happening in my head and body, but they just said it was another one of my excuses to get something,but I was just trying to tell them that they needed to start following the accommodations my safety plan says and they just waved me off, gave me one of my devices and started ignoring me for days.

So the thing is I'm in first year in my engineering college and 2nd sem. So I kinda used to run into this guy like rarely while commuting to college in public bus and like barely see him at college and I like him. And then at like my 3rd last exam went to him and asked his name, his department and told him my name. If I remember I used to have eye contacts with him like from my pov and then I get like 3 day gap for each exam and on the last day of exam which was like almost 6-7 days after I asked him his name he sent me req in insta and I accept his req. And then he texted me first too and asked why I asked him his name. I told him I wanted to get to know him seriously and we kinda ended up talking and realized we both kinda have same interest and hobbies. So I ended up asking if we could meet up and we met 2 times during the break and so he walked me home during these 2 meetups and when I told him about my case he told me he doesnt remember me at bus but rather used to see me sometimes during canteen from faraway and like most times my back. And it's been like 17 days or smth and now he doesnt text me first and college started from this week's monday and I asked him about text he says I find it boring to text and like I dont know what to say so I dont text. And when I asked him about how he should also ask me to meet up instead of me only he said you should plan the meetups. But then again when I'm with him he mirrors my way of talking like yesterday when I went like mhmm he goes like mhmmm and I went mhmm mhmm and then he also went like mhmmm mhmmm and then another time when I went like ahaa he goes like ahaaa too. And then he walked me home too yesterday? Like he goes like probably I need to go with you too. And then he told me how he used his money which was given to him to buy jacket to eat with me when we met up 2 times in the holiday and during the meet up at holiday he even held my bag like the stuff till I got home and we even shared the same umbrella and yesterday he got on bus and like asked if I wanted the window seat before sitting down by extending his hands and then he also kinda avoids eye contact with me but like we shared the same food, like I mean he ate from the same spoon as me and so I met him today at bus while traveling to college and he sat beside me and then again he avoided eye contact like talked straightly without turning to my side and so I don't know anymore. I'm just overthinking and overthinking. He also mentioned how he downloaded insta and tiktok to follow me and said like how he first just wanted to ask me why I asked his name and then somehow it's like this. What should I do????? This shit so confusing me.

I always thought the hardest part of my journey was behind me. All those late-night study sessions, the coffee-fueled exams, the internships, the pressure to graduate with honors—I thought once I stepped into the "real world," everything would finally make sense. But here I am, a year into my first real job, and I've never felt more lost or unmotivated in my entire life.

Back in college, I was the person everyone pointed to as the success story. The one professors used as an example, the one my friends admired. I thrived on deadlines, feedback, and clear expectations. Everything was structured, and I knew exactly how to succeed. Now, I sit at my desk, staring blankly at my laptop, wondering if this is really all there is.

When I landed this job, I was over the moon. Everyone congratulated me, told me how proud they were. I believed this would be the beginning of something amazing—a chance to finally prove myself. But the reality has been crushingly different. My work feels meaningless, just endless emails, pointless meetings, and tasks that seem disconnected from any bigger purpose. I spend most days feeling invisible, like just another cog in a machine no one cares about.

I don't think I'm lazy, or at least I never used to be. But lately, it's like all my drive just disappeared overnight. Getting out of bed feels impossible some mornings. I used to wake up excited about the day ahead, ready to tackle challenges and prove myself. Now, I hit snooze repeatedly, dreading the moment I have to log in and pretend to be engaged in work that doesn't excite me at all.

I've tried talking to friends and family about this, but most of them say things like, "Welcome to adult life," or "Everyone hates their first job." But is it really supposed to feel this empty? Is this what I've worked so hard for, just to feel drained and purposless every day?

I keep wondering if maybe I chose the wrong career, or if I was naive to believe I'd find fulfillment right away. The scary part is, I don't even know what else I would do. I've spent my entire life on this path, convinced it was the right one. And now I'm terrified that I'll always feel this way, stuck in a cycle of dread, disappointment, and total lack of motivation.

I wish I knew how to fix this, how to regain the passion and confidence I once had. Maybe it's just a phase, or maybe I need a change. All I know is that this feeling—this heavy, numb sense of "what's the point?"—isn't how I want to spend the rest of my career. I just wish someone would tell me how to get my spark back. Until then, I'm just here, drifting through days, wondering how someone who once felt unstoppable now feels so utterly unmotivated.

Eight years ago, after the birth of our twin children, my former partner and I decided to go our separate ways. We had been dating for just over a year when she became pregnant, and although we tried to stay together for the children, it wasn't meant to be. She soon found someone new and yearned to pursue that relationship. Our split, while peaceful, marked the beginning of a challenging co-parenting arrangement.

Initially, co-parenting went smoothly. However, when my ex remarried to a man who was also a single father, the dynamics began to shift. He had a daughter the same age as our twins and insisted that I should treat her as part of my family, expecting me to include her in gift-giving and outings with my own children. This demand complicated our interactions and subsequently led us to adopt a parallel parenting approach to avoid conflicts.

We share custody equally, and neither of us pays child support since we both have the children for equal amounts of time. I maintain a close bond with my twins and, during my allotted time, I focus on them without including the other children from their mother's household. Over time, their family has expanded to include a stepsister, a stepcousin who moved in three years ago, and a younger half-sister, adding more complexity to the family structure. Another child is possibly on the way.

The current disagreement stems from an upcoming class trip in November. The school our children attend is rather small, leading to shared classes between them and their stepsiblings. This trip, to an interactive museum, is quite costly, but I can afford it and my twins are excited to go. I decided to pay for them, but this decision didn't sit well with my ex and her husband. They felt that I should also pay for their stepsiblings' tickets or else let none of the children go. They argued this would avoid any feelings of exclusion and maintain family unity. I disagreed, emphasizing that it was my right and decision during my parenting time. This led to accusations from my ex’s husband that I was undermining their family dynamics and fostering resentment among the kids.

Do you support my decision? What do you think? Am I wrong?

so for context, I am an alter in a DID system, an introject of Tommy from a fan fiction called end of the world everyday. I miss them so fucking much. I feel so alone here without them, I've been stuck in this body for two fucking years without them. Why did I have to split from such a rare source? I'm fucking Moros, the god of impending doom, and I'm stuck in the body of a nineteen year old girl. I just want my brothers and my dad, and my mum, and all my friends. It's not fair that I'm the only one.

I know the title is silly. It's my attempt to lighten what is bound to be a pretty depressing situation to write out.

So I'm autistic, but autistic in the way where it's almost -ALMOST- not a problem. I can speak well, I can go out in public and not visibly stand out if I try not to (unless I open my mouth), I'm smart and kind and not prone to outbursts. I keep myself and my surroundings clean enough. HOWEVER. I still need help. I can't open cans or use can openers, I can't hold a bag for long or it hurts my stupid oversensitive hands, I never got the hang of folding clothes or tying shoes. I'll forget to eat sometimes, forget to shower sometimes (though never if I have somewhere to be), and I'm totally nocturnal on account of the only friends I have being digital and overseas. People in real life don't stay, or worse, they do and they bully me. My diet is almost entirely beige, I can't use a bus without getting lost if the route is unfamiliar, the list goes on and on. The things I can do are many, and I love my hobbies no matter how unprofitable they are, but the few things I can't outweigh them by societal importance. Jobs reject me because I can't answer the phone or stand up for the whole shift, and I need to do only one or two tasks, not eight.

This is where the title kicks in - I like to joke I have Old Timey Disney Princess Syndrome, in that there is literally no solution for my problems that doesn't involve waiting for someone else to please, please swoop in and fix it for me:

Want my own house? Wait for someone with money to agree to live with me.

Want a job? Wait for someone to say yes to an application AND they have to agree to my limited scope of things I can actually do.

Want to go out somewhere? Wait for someone to be available to take me.

It's crushing me. I'm doing everything I can to try and move along - I want SOMETHING in my life to change, but it's like I'm on a treadmill. It doesn't seem to matter how hard I try, nothing changes. If anything, the situation gets worse year upon year. I've recently turned 24, so my job prospects are now the lowest they've ever been because I'm now competing with fully-able people my age who who finished university, and I couldn't even go because I got bullied so hard everywhere else.

I know a lot of people who will look at this story and go "wow. what a whiny victim, no such thing as 'can't', just get up and DO IT." and to that I say, "don't you think I've tried?"

Every single thing I have listed for you here, every single item, I have attempted to change or struggle through. I have wasted months or years trying to do things I'm simply not built to be able to do. I have worked myself to breakdown and therapy again and again. I have tried every option available, from self-employment to placements to toughing-it-out. I have tried left handed can openers, electric can openers, ring pulls. I have tried pre-bagged veggies in my diet, differently prepared almost every way you can think of. I have been on so many courses that my work coach has run out of courses to send me on. That is how hard I have tried, and still I have no results. I am exactly where I've been for the past six years.

I am still stuck at home with my borderline abusive father, doing all the chores as best as I can with very little praise for the effort while he comes home and passes out, and I have to accept that, because at least he's worked hard to feel so exhausted. I barely do anything except job applications and chores.

I had thought perhaps the answer was my boyfriend, eventually moving out to America to be with him, but uh...not anymore! thanks politics.

So now I just don't know what to do. I've run out of things to try, and I don't want to be another example of an autistic person driven to the Worst Outcome, but I don't know how much longer I can bear being like this without any change.

I'd appreciate any suggestions from anyone who's been where I am and managed to scrabble out of the pit.

Last week, I underwent significant surgery. Currently, I'm convalescing at home, instructed by doctors to take a two-week break from work, with a suggestion to slowly resume normal activities over the course of four to six weeks.

Unexpectedly, yesterday evening, my partner revealed that his son is hosting a sleepover with five friends tonight. It's already Saturday here. I was completely blindsided by this information; he had agreed to the sleepover without discussing it with me first, and it wasn't even for any particular occasion.

When I confronted him, feeling quite disturbed, I questioned why he would arrange such an event without my prior consent, especially at a time when I'm recuperating from major surgery. He dismissed it by saying he didn't believe it would impact me and admitted he had simply forgotten to mention it.

Overwhelmed by emotions, I broke down, expressing how neglected and uncared for I felt, given my current state of health. He persisted in underestimating the situation, suggesting that if it truly bothered me, I could spend the night at my mother’s place. Unable to bear the thought of a noisy household, and despite medical advice against driving, I packed my bags and drove to my mother’s house.

He has since sent me texts accusing me of overreacting, still failing to grasp the gravity of the situation. How can he not see the disturbance caused by having five teenagers over in a house with only one bathroom, and their gathering space right next to our bedroom where I need peace for recovery?

Now, in the silence of my mother's home, I ponder, was it wrong for me to leave immediately? Shouldn’t he, instead, have postponed the sleepover to a more appropriate time?

Imagine this scenario playing out in a reality show setting—cameras capturing every emotional outpouring and the tension palpable in the air as disagreements unfold. Would the audience be split in their opinions, or would they rally behind me, empathizing with my need for quiet and rest during such a critical recovery period?

sometimes i wonder if my best friend is actually the best friend to have in life; it’s like, he’s always around, but does that really make him a good friend? i mean, yeah, we hang out a lot, laugh at stupid stuff, and even help each other when something urgent comes up, but when i really think about it, it feels like he’s only there because it’s convenient. he listens, sure, but it’s not like he truly understands or cares deeply about what i’m saying. sometimes i catch him zoning out mid-conversation, or worse, he changes the subject completely. i guess i can’t blame him too much, we’re all busy, but it makes me question if that’s what a best friend should be. it’s weird, right? shouldn’t the person you consider your closest friend be someone who genuinely wants to know what’s going on in your head?

on the flip side, i have to admit he’s reliable in certain ways, like he’ll always show up if i need to move stuff or fix something, and he’s pretty good with tech issues. but when it comes to emotional stuff or deeper support, he kinda just backs off, or says something like “bro, you’re overthinking it” which kinda stings, you know? there was this one time i really needed advice about a family problem, and he just shrugged it off like it wasn’t a big deal. i’m starting to realize that maybe he’s just the friend for fun times, not for deep talks or serious moments. it’s confusing, though, because i don’t want to cut him off, but i also don’t want to rely on someone who doesn’t fully support me. what do you think? have you ever felt like your so-called best friend wasn’t really the best person to lean on when it counted?

and it’s not like i’ve got a ton of friends either, so cutting ties feels a bit dramatic, but at the same time, i don’t want to be stuck in a one-sided relationship. sometimes i tell myself to just lower my expectations, to keep it light and casual, but then i feel fake because deep down i want more from a friendship. i can’t help but wonder if i’m the problem, if i’m expecting too much from someone who’s just not wired for that deep connection. is it wrong to want a friend who’s both fun and supportive? or is it just unrealistic to expect both from one person? i don’t know, man; maybe i’m just overthinking it, but it’s something that’s been on my mind a lot lately.

I have lost one of my parent in early years. Stayed at relatives house for over 20 years. Faced a lot of trauma and when tried to make a gf outside of this world I got a heartbreak. At the age of 24 I feel life has no worth and I need support to live

I wil ltry to be short and clear :)

Is it wrong that I'm thinking of skipping my family's upcoming trip to Europe? Originally, I was on board when the idea came up, but after giving it some thought, I'm leaning towards not going. I prefer traveling with my fiancee, especially since we've discussed taking a significant trip together. Although I grew up traveling with my family almost every year until I was about 22, those experiences were mostly within the United States or North America, featuring low-key vacations with a few adventurous activities thrown in. Since everyone in my family is working full-time, our trips together have become quite infrequent.

The issue is, one of my parents is likely to take my refusal pretty hard. It could become a lingering topic of conversation and might even cause ongoing tension. While I cherish the bond I share with my family, I feel that at this point in my life, I’d rather explore new places with my fiancee. Am I being unreasonable?

Imagine if this scenario were to unfold on a reality TV show. How would the viewers react? Likely, there’d be a mix of support for my desire to travel with my fiancee, and sympathy for my family, particularly the parent who feels hurt by my decision. The dramatic element of family discord might even become a focal point of an episode, bringing its own twists and viewer engagement.

She used to be outgoing, growing her confidence with dresses and feminine clothing again and taking me out places with her.. she even did her makeup again after years without it cause she was feeling herself, even getting her nails done. She even took me out on a girls day just me and her and we had a great time.

Fast forward, she got a boyfriend. Locked in her room 24/7, always on FaceTime or regular call with him, there’s a camera in my moms room now that was put there by her boyfriend.. a whole situation happened where my, my mom, and my grandma all stood at my aunts house for a couple of days because of my moms bf and “safety reasons”.. he was drunk on beer when he introduced me and his daughter, and there’s more but it goes on.

Since they got together I’ve I guess you can say “observed”.. or “eavesdropped” a lot on their conversations since they’re usually loud even on the phone since he’s not allowed at my house (we live with my grandma and she said he’s not allowed). Here are things I’ve picked up that I think are both concerning and childish. For the record I’m 15, turning 16 June 15th of this year.

1 - He constantly accuses my mom of cheating and even assumes there’s a guy with her even if it’s just me and he doesn’t know I’m there

2 - He seems constantly insecure, telling my mom to go to her room and stay in there. She can barely respond to my texts because he’ll assume that my mom is texting another guy even when it’s her own daughter.

3 - He’ll talk to my mom sexually even when I’m around but I sort of assume that’s normal since my mom does the same..

4 - I peeked over my moms shoulder when she was texting at my therapist appointment and the words said “I belong to you” “you own me” because he was assuming my mom was cheating even though we were waiting in the place I go for therapy.. and he said “have fun with him” or something like that and she said “what’s fun about being in mental health”. I feel guilty but I also know it’s not my fault.

5 - This one is connected to the reason I had stood with my aunt over the weekend. She texted her boyfriend saying “I forgave you the first time for choking me”. This was I think a month ago now?? Idk.

Those are only some of the things and here are things about my mother. (She only does this when talking to a guy she’s with)

1 - She’ll tell men she’s on call with if I’m about to get my period or if I’m on my period whenever I mention that I’m cramping or I need pads and taking some of hers..

2 - She’ll make sexual gestures, phrases, jokes, etc around me and I’m not sure if that’s normal or if she’s just comfortable enough around me to do that sort of thing with the guys she’s with or on call with whoever she’s talking to at the time.

3 - She’ll talk to me about her sexual experiences and had told me about it when I was I believe 14? I’m not sure.. it could’ve been just beginning of this year.

4 - She’ll put me in view of the FaceTime knowing I’m uncomfortable with it but just to show her boyfriend that she’s not with another man.

I miss who my mom used to be.. it felt like it was me and her against the world but now it’s like she doesn’t even respond to me unless it’s to unlock the door for her since my aunt changed the lock on my door and didn’t give my mom a key because she chose her boyfriend. I feel like she’s so blinded by the idea of love that it’s suffocating and it’s like she can’t see past that and realize what it’s doing to the family.. choosing your boyfriend just because what he’s a “middle school sweetheart”? Yeah a guy who also “allegedly” put his hands on you, a guy who won’t stop accusing you of cheating, a guy who has you on camera 25/8, a guy who can’t respect your privacy and has you showing your hands so he knows you’re not “texting another guy”, a guy who accuses you of being with another man even when I’m in the room, a guy who you told “I don’t even use my fingers that’s how loyal I am” when I was right beside you in the same room, a guy you told “I only trust you”, a guy who was drunk off of beer when he introduced me and his daughter, a guy you claimed to have broken up with because he accused you of cheating so much and told you to 💀 but then got back together with him because it was a misunderstanding. She won’t even come to my room anymore to see me. She only texts me to open the door for her or when I am around her she’s talking on the phone and not with me. And she always has her phone on the entire room so he doesn’t accuse her of cheating even when I’m visibly uncomfortable.

This is a long rant but I had to get it off my chest..

I have two grown boys. Their dad was abusive. My parents were self centered. I lived a whole life not talking about myself and now I am middle aged and find that I let everyone else tell my story. I find that the only things my kids (and most people) know about me are the things they were told by other people, and those people (I am finding) were very unreliable. There is safety in anonymity but it is also very lonely. My children don't know who I really am. Family fills in the blanks with their own assumptions because they don't understand what motivates me or inspires me. Now that I see this pattern, I am trying to fix it first by letting my children know about me and my history. It is scary- speaking up about myself. But it would be scarier to leave the earth without anybody understanding me. We all want to be seen, at least a little bit, by the people who matter to us.

So here's the thing: Is it possible to love two people at once? 'Cause it feels like I'm caught in a damn tug-of-war. On one hand, there's Alex. We've been together for years and honestly, we just click! He's my rock and we've built this life that's so familiar and comfortable. But then there's Jamie... Man, when I'm with Jamie, it's electric! It's like nothing I've ever felt before...sparkling chemistry that just won't quit no matter how much I try to ignore it!!!

It's like living a double life and as much as I try to keep everything balanced, it's draining as hell. In the world of relationships (or whatever you want to call this), do you have to pick sides? Or is there some magical way where both can coexist without someone getting hurt? The scales are tipped, always leaning towards one or the other based on the day or mood or even what side of bed I woke up on.

I've read all sorts of relationship advice and tried applying some polyamory techniques but man... those aren't foolproof either! It seems more like an ongoing experiment than a sustainable solution; Headlines in my head screaming, 'Can you have your cake and eat it too?' Maybe I'm just being greedy or selfish wanting the best of both worlds while risking losing them both if anyone finds out.

But hey... life is short, right? Shouldn't we be chasing these intense feelings wherever they lead us? Emotions run high and maybe there isn't a clean cut answer here... Who knows if such love triangles resolve nicely like fairy tales suggest. Do I need to make peace with this chaos lurking within or drag everyone involved into an awkward conversation that might blow up in my face?!?