Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Suicide is justified

why shouldn’t we choose to exit? Death is inevitable anyway whether I die at 17, 47, or 89, the end is the same. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Helping, studying, relationships don’t fill the void so why keep patching something unfixable? Even if life improves later, that’s still a gamble right now suffering feels endless, and it’s unfair to force someone to endure just because “it might get better.” Life feels like theft, not gift born without consent, condemned to suffering, then robbed by death.

suicide isn’t just “choice,” it’s the end of all choices. If you exit now, you deny your future self the possibility of ever choosing differently. The amount of life experienced is the difference. If meaning is something you can create, then more time = more possibility. the void isn’t eliminated, it’s carried differently. That shift (existential acceptance) changes how much power the void has. Suicide blocks that possibility forever. I agree but I have no motivation to play this game.

you can decide whether to treat life as a burden or a canvas. The injustice of being born doesn’t mean the only justice is exit. Suicide hands victory to those who hurt you; living (even broken, even with void) is resistance. I agree and I don't want victories anymore.

I may never “fix” happiness, but i can still create meaning or peace and that possibility only exists if i stay. Right?? Yes but pain is unbearable and there's no way I can fill this void.

Uncertainty Principle (Heisenberg) Nothing is 100% fixed. Even particles don’t have definite positions/velocities until observed. Exactly: The “permanence” of my void is also uncertain. Just like particles, my inner state isn’t fixed. As we know Quantum Superposition A particle can exist in many states at once until measured.

Science and medicine can’t fill a void; it can change conditions so that the void stops swallowing everything. It can raise the floor (sleep, nutrition, meds), loosen the grip (therapy skills), and make room where meaning-making is possible.

“In quantum mechanics, X (a cause) doesn’t force only one effect (Y). It creates a range of possible outcomes {Y, Z, A…}. Which one becomes real depends on interaction/observation in life, that’s your choices and actions, But Possibility ≠ happiness it is only the chance. The void remains, yet the collapse is yours."

Suicide is a rational solution to suffering. you can't know what comes after death. If it's nothingness, yes, suffering ends. But if it's something (unknown state, spiritual consequence, ripple effect), the assumption breaks. I believe in nothingness. Life has no inherent meaning suicide is neither wrong nor right. Life has no meaning but precisely because of that, we must create our own meaning. Suicide "skips the responsibility" of creating. Yes, life is suffering, but the measure of a human is how they bear suffering and turn it into strength. Ending it early is abandoning your post. Since you didn't choose birth, the only place you do have choice is what you make out of this forced existence. Isn't it cruel to ask someone drowning in despair to wait for an uncertain tomorrow, when their suffering is certain today? void of meaninglessness certainty vs possibility. I Don't ask "what makes me happy?" I Ask "what makes me 2% lighter?" Still nothing works I'm not happy anymore. I used to believe When meaning is present, happiness sneaks back as a by-product. But I'm Wrong. Same with emotional rewiring. Only from stability can happiness grow. But slowly I'm feeling it will not work. Years of disappointment/ trauma condition me to "not expect joy" so even when it's there, i don't trust it. It's not the genuine happiness I feel. My brain doesn't take it. I have seen through the game of "do this be happy." i realize the loop is empty so happiness feels fake. I agree partially, studying 24/7

doesn't give me happiness but it can give me purpose. "Purpose sustains you when happiness can't." I do partially agree.

The unfair part of life is that we didn't choose to be born yet we're expected to carry on as if there's nothing wrong. When we didn't decide to whom or how we're born, why should we continue living a miserable life when there's a way out? There is far too much obsession with "success" and material gain, and not enough empathy. Suicide isn't selfish. What's truly selfish is neglecting someone so badly to the point that they want to kill themselves.

I feel like the only reason that suicide wouldn't be justified in the ultimate sense) is if your life still contains obligations (unfinished responsibilities to others, society, or even to yourself).

I don't feel happy... there's no happiness trust me.

Around three years ago today, I started questioning my sexuality. Thinking at first I might've just been confused, being that I was 14 at the time. One year passes, and I'm starting to have those thoughts again and realizing I seriously might've been BI. I tested out the waters a little with being able to tell my friends about me maybe being BI, and them actually supporting me. Although over the two years since then I've started to lean towards being gay, and now I'm seriously confused, scared, and worried. I've got no idea what to do, my parents are christens and they had no Idea about me being BI before.

Ive been thinking a lot of this lately. ever since matric, and uni, I've been so loaded with my procrastination, slow working pace, and poor time management; I felt I was constantly behind and even it's an endless cycle. because of that stress, I was always in my room, glued to one spot fighting myself and fighting with time, motivation and discipline to study (I still am); and I hardly went out of my room, I hardly spent any time with my family, hardly spoke, you know how it goes.

now its long days at uni and endless work and assignments, and nothing has changed since matric. I don't get how I procrastinate so much. I've tried everything - changed study spaces, tried different methods, deleted all social media applications, used timers, read motivational phrases, etc etc. I just can't seem to study and maintain the concentration, the ethic, the discipline. and because of this, I feel like every other time I spend out of my room, my study space, is time wasted and Im running short and I can't stay out here and waste time. I literally don't have any responsibilities around the house, and I feel guilty but also grateful to my parents for being so ..you know. everytime I do go visit my grandmother, who stays right next to our house, she tells me oh I don't even see you anymore. you always so busy. but i die with guilt that they think I'm sitting and hustling and grinding away, when I'm actually studying for 10 mins and the other 4 hours eg, are distractions.

another thing, my siblings hardly see me. I don't see myself playing any role as a sibling, and I'm afraid that they'll lose that already weak connection with me. I come home so tired and stressed that I don't connect, speak, laugh with him. I hate to admit but I don't want them to go out and spend long enough time with another person my age and compare me to that person, saying they wish they had a sibling like that person. I know I'm not enough, I'm not doing enough for them to be close to me to miss my presence. if I'm not there, they've already gotten so used to it, like it doesn't affect me. like they didn't even think about me, forget missing me. and I know my siblings so its about "maybe that's what I think but they could be missing and not saying". I know them. I don't want that me not being there is not even acknowledged. I want tthem to feel my absence, the slight emptiness. and the worst part is I wasn't like this- distant, disconnected with them, obviously.

I'm genuinely really struggling. please help me.

i couldn't sleep for a year, because he left me. i still miss him sometimes. when i have a beautiful moment or day, and want to share it with him. i miss him like i miss my childhood. i won't be able to reach you, but i will remember. i hope you will be fine, i always mention you in my prayers. forgive me, my love. maybe next time

So I was hanging out of VR-Chat with a few friends in a military sim and we were doing combat as usual. My sister tells me that dinner is ready, but I cant leave because its FUCKING ONLINE, and I don't want to disrespect my friends by leaving suddenly. This little ASSHOLE TURNED OFF MY SURGE PROTECTOR without me knowing, leading to my headset dying out of nowhere. I spent a few moments trying to figure out WHY my headset is dead, and refuses to charge. I plug it back in, pull the entire cord out of the socket, just to figure out that she turned it off. I can't trust my family anymore because of shit like this. This is the FIFTH WEEK that I had to go black-comms (leave) on promotions day, because nobody in my goddamn household wants me to be happy, or have friends, and then they complain that I never go outside. THEY ARE THE ONES MAKING ME TOO GODDAMN NERVOUS TO LEAVE MY FUCKING BEDROOM! I asked her if she turned off my surge protector, and she denied it like the insolent disgrace that she is. My next suspect is my mom because the constantly ignores my privacy and acts like doors mutes every sound ever, and whenever I shot her a text, asking if she did it; she also denies it and says "Im sorry your headset died", as if that is going to magically charge my headset to 100% and replace the dying batteries in it. One of those two did it, because I KNOW my dad cant take his lazy ass upstairs, he's too much of a drunk to do that. I just want to go through ONE FUCKING PROMOTIONS MEETING without having to leave early before the promotions even happen; is that too much for someone to do? Its EVERY. FUCKING. SATURDAY with these people. NO! I don't want to go eat shitty seafood with a deadbeat, a dumbass, and a spoiled brat. NO! I don't want to go swimming in Florida heat with 1K mosquitoes sucking my blood. JUST LET ME PLAY IN PIECE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES.

(sorry for the amount of cussing, I get heated easily)

Being the black sheep of the family isn't easy, trust me, I know. I've always felt different from my siblings and it sometimes feels like I'm speaking a different language entirely. They all seem to have their lives figured out, with successful careers in corporate finance or engineering, while I'm here pursuing an art career. It's like I'm operating in a completely different system. "Why don't you just get a real job?" they say at family gatherings. It's frustrating but I try not to let it get under my skin too much.

The thing is, I love what I do. Painting and creating makes me feel alive, even if it's not as 'stable' as they'd like. It's not about proving them wrong but showing what true passion looks like. Sure, I might not have the typical 9-to-5 schedule or the steady paycheck that comes with it; yet my heart's invested in every brushstroke on canvas and that's something incredibly special to me ❤️. Sometimes it gets lonely being misunderstood by those closest to you but I've learned to find comfort in small victories and personal growth rather than external validation.

TW: Suicide and SA

How do I even start this? My parents screwed me over. I got my mom's anxiety, and my dad's depression and addiction. I didn't learn about any of this until it was too late. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for years, and the addiction gene just feeds of that shit. My parents treat my sister like shit and they fight a lot and vent to me about everyone and everything, so the addiction just moves me to another place in my mind. The first addiction I ever had was to hurting myself, and that nearly put me in the hospital. But I was getting help and had a couple good months, so I thought I was ok. But I didn't focus on the other problem developing. At first it was fine, but now I get blackout or close to blackout drunk every weekend (sometimes during the week), and I just want to stop, but I am surrounded by it all the time. I go to a party school and all my friends like to drink. I don't feel forced to drink, it just gives me an excuse to.

One time when I was out and drinking with friends, I was SA'ed. I had never been more disappointed in myself in my life and I wanted to disappear. Instead of taking the chance to make this a learning lesson, I continued to make horrible decisions. Only a few people know, but they only know parts. I told them that I only remember what he looked like and not his name, which is a lie. During the attack, I sobered up a bit, and I remember almost everything. I look over my shoulder a lot, hoping my past mistake doesn't come back to haunt me.

After a couple months, I hadn't gotten my period since the attack, and I was so fucking scared. I didn't speak or see any of my friends for 4 days, until after I took the test. The worst part of the whole week was the realization that I was not pregnant. At first, I had never been so relieved, but now I just feel like something is missing. I look at myself and I can feel apart of me missing. I don't know if it's the innocence I lost from that night, or what could have been.

I just got back from a trip with friends, and none of them really suspect anything of what I have been feeling. And I feel like a terrible person for feeling like this, because I should be happy and shit, but I'm not. This is not the worst I have ever felt, but it is close. I always thought I would grow up to be someone my past self would admire, but I think now I would just scare her.

I want to be not human for a bit. I want to take away my feelings, just for a time. Would that everything worse, probably. But at this point, I just want God to take away my pain.

What do you think!

Every single time i go shopping online , i end up buying nothing. Something like paralysis on analysis. When i take help from a family member, he end up buying even more disappointing deal cause he dont have patience . Family members who have patience don't know how to shop online. I am student with hectic study schedule, exams,deadlines . I barely get time to sleep. And being from middle class i dont have luxury to buy what ever i want without looking at price. I have to go through a lot of options for best price before actually buying . Its frustrating.

I used to be in a very big depression slump, it was very long. Lasted a span of 4 years at least. It started as deeply emotional. I was very sensitive and fragile to put it simply. But that later changed into hate and resentment. I am the oldest daughter in a traditional household. So when my parents started their seperation I was stressed about trying to makesure everyone was taken care of. But then I started to hate my family, hate how much they needed me for the house to be clean and for the kids to bed fed, and clean, and presentable for school. Until my younger brother started to show signs of depression too. It kind of snapped me out of it. Like it tore me in two that my little brother could feel like his life wasnt valuable the same way I saw my life. Fastforward I no longer feel that towards him. Im not so sure if hes still depressed but he is doing nothing with his life and it frustrates me deeply. He skips school and plays video games all day or watches videos. He has a GPA of 0 and is going to be a junior this year. This angers me. He didnt have all the responsibilies I had pushed on me growing up. While I had to literally physically move away from my family to focus on school and take many recovery classes to graduate on time. I guess the main cause of this resentment is that my mom tried talking with me about his mental health and trying to find a reason why he is this way. But when I was depressed I was just being a dirty and lazy kid that was making everything harder on her. I feel like I have regressed emotionally. I feel I used to have a lot more empathy than other but now I can only focus on how I feel in situations that cause me emotional distress. I didnt use to be this way. I dont know how to fix this empathy problem I have developed. I feel selfish and evil and filled with hate an resentment towards everyone and everything. Does anyone have some insight in how I can change this? I dont like living this way.

Ive thought about her a lot lately. I wonder where she is and I hope she’s happier now. But I just have so many regrets, why didn’t I try to contact her the year after she moved? We were so close, I had known her since kindergarten but I just wanted to act like I didn’t care. And maybe thats the problem, we’re all trying to act like we dont care and that nothing bothers us. Maybe thats why she did what she did, and maybe if someone showed her they cared she could be enjoying the life she deserved. Why can’t we just show the people around us we care. I miss you I really do. How can I ever really live happily when I know I didn't help her at all and now she's gone?

Lately it seems like I don't have friends at all anymore. They're still there, but they don't respond very much. We're gamers, and every time I message any of them to set up a game session, it's a no or no response at all or it's something to do with the games I play being shitty games. But they play those same games an hour later or a few days with others. I just don't know what to think anymore. It's like I don't matter or exist anymore. When I explain how I feel to a few of them, it's usually something with "life's just too busy" which I understand, but for a year straight? A few months straight? When you're playing the same game/s with others? And streaming it as well??? Just say you don't want to be my friend and quit playing around. Or better yet, just block me.

idk it's like i'm just blank

I am 17 and an oldest daughter. I have always tried my hardest to be a good kid. I get all of my chores done, I do my homework, I take college classes, I help out around the house all the time with cleaning, making dinner, taking care of my siblings, getting them to school on time, and take care of the animals. I have no problem helping out, and picking up tasks that someone else doesn't have time to do, or is too tired to do. I do it without complaining or making a big deal of it. I just get it done. lately I have hardly had any free time. I never get to sit down and actually do something I enjoy without being interrupted. and I don't think I have gotten a full night of sleep in months. my family knows that I get loads of homework, and they know that i am in the middle of my final week for my online college class. they also know that if they don't want to do something, they can make me do it. late I have just been feeling exhausted. I want to help out, but by the time I am done with jobs around the house, I have very little time, and no energy left to get my homework done. I come home, and I do all of my jobs, and as soon as I try to start working on my homework, I get handed a list of other jobs to do. I am not allowed to fight back on those requests, so I do it. I can't help but feel like my family is asking too much of me. they have started to expect me to be able to give 110 percent of myself all the time, and I just can't do it anymore. but I also can't fight back and say no because then I am not a good kid anymore, and then I am nothing. I want so desperately to be the perfect kid. I wonder if it's because I subconsciously believe that if I become the perfect daughter, then I will finally be appreciated. but it seems like no matter how much of myself that i give, and no matter how hard I try, it will never be enough. they will always expect more from me. even when I have nothing left to give. so I try my best to ignore my exhaustion that is always there, and keep going. I just don't know if it will ever be enough, but I don't know how to be anything other than the good kid who doesn't really need worried about or taken care of. even though what I long for the most some nights is for someone to take care of me. but how are the people in my family supposed to take care of me, if they can barely care for themselves? I am just so tired, and I want to be able to do the things that I enjoy doing again. I want to be able to go hang out with my friends every once in a while without being made to feel guilty about not being home to help out. how am I supposed to keep going, and giving more of myself, if I have nothing left to give? how can I find peace and time for myself again without feeling like a terrible daughter?

I remember the day vividly when a memorable bridezilla incident unfolded at our boutique. It was a typical afternoon, and I was assisting a lovely mother-daughter duo who were looking for the perfect wedding dress. Just as we were making some headway, another mother-daughter pair walked into the shop. Naturally, I greeted them warmly and asked how I could help.

The mother confidently stated they were there to pick up her daughter’s dress. I smiled and asked for their details to look it up in our system. As I scanned through the records, I couldn't find any purchase under their name. Frowning slightly, I informed the mother, "Ma'am, it appears you never bought the dress."

Her reaction was immediate and incredulous. "What are you talking about?"

I showed her the notes on my computer screen. "According to our records, you wanted to think about it and asked if we could hold the dress. We held it for two weeks, but when we didn’t hear back, we assumed you didn't want it."

Her response was sharp and demanding, "Well, we want it now."

I had to explain further, "It’s been over eight months. We sold the dress a long time ago. However, I can order you another one and expedite it here within a few weeks."

That's when the situation escalated dramatically. The mother erupted with anger, "This is unacceptable! We have her alterations scheduled in two hours! The wedding is a week away! I can’t believe you sold her dress!" Meanwhile, the bride was slumped against the desk, sobbing uncontrollably.

At this point, I noticed the original mother-daughter duo staring in disbelief. I tried to maintain my composure and handle the situation diplomatically. "Ma'am, we had no way of knowing you wanted the dress. You never called or put down a deposit. The dress isn’t yours until it’s paid for."

Despite my explanations, the mother continued to scream, and the bride continued to wail. Eventually, they stormed out of the shop. Feeling a bit deflated myself, I returned to the customers I had been helping.

Curious, the daughter I was originally assisting asked, "Does that kind of thing happen a lot?"

With a sigh, I admitted, "All the time."

To this day, it baffles me how some people can schedule alterations on a dress they never purchased, wait until the last minute to pick it up, and misunderstand the basic principles of buying and selling.

I think this story would have been hugely successful in a reality TV show! 😂