Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Ok so has anyone had relationships where you just go like romantic stuff? no sexual anything (apart from kissing ofc) bc like idk why but anything entirely sexual is really starting to irritate me 😭 but is that even possible in this day and age? Especially with teenage boys minds now 🥀 like the vids I’ve seen are so oddd

[Translated from Spanish. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

I feel terrified of going outside and being completely judged for it. I don’t like talking, I don’t like expressing myself. I don’t even feel capable of being with a girl. I don’t want to be with one. I feel like I’ve become a mess of ideas—so many ideas. Like I’m shedding layers of myself.

I feel like I’m not okay—but also that I am. I feel like I’ve been in a transformation process for a long time now. Like I’m moving toward my true self, peeling off old layers of experiences. I used to think I had matured, but really, I had just kept layering one cover over another. I don’t know how else to explain it.

It feels like I’ve been unfolding my form. This has been happening for quite some time. I think it’s because I finally feel whole in a new group. Yes, I feel like I belong—with a girl, specifically—and I love that feeling. It’s been going on for a while now, I repeat. She’s not physically present, but the way we are keeps the group alive. I don’t feel the need to be with anyone else. Being distant from her makes me feel her presence even more. I feel like I can be alone—but still in her company—and it’s truly amazing.

My parents didn’t understand this, but personally, I don’t care. The process is happening either way. These are the catharses I’m experiencing. I don’t feel like there’s anyone else out there waiting for me—and I don’t need them. I feel like my life is on track, and I can live the way I like. In this group, I feel that’s respected—and it’s fantastic. I’ve committed to pursuing a career, and I rely only on the approval of the principles this group shares.

Looking back, all that time I supposedly "got sick" or "went through somatic suffering"—I think I was really just trying to re-locate myself within this group and within the system that surrounds us. It’s like saying: I’m done with the old societal structure, with the weight of those layers. Here, in this group, we are free. Again, I don’t feel I need anyone else.

These catharses—what I say—are just to release things. I speak things about myself, but they’re temporary. It’s like I’m passing through them. I think I’m heading toward something, but I realize I only needed to shed that layer—to see that I never really wanted that thing. I don’t know, but I feel like this process I’m going through isn’t something many people experience—maybe no one. It’s about leaving behind all the groups you once belonged to. You feel like you belong to just one now, and all the others are just places you visit occasionally.

I feel like I’ve always been okay. I was never truly unwell. I just needed—without realizing it and even fooling myself—to reposition myself within society. Now I understand all the disappointment I’ve felt. I thought I wanted to be with a girl—and it turns out I don’t. Especially not one outside my group. I feel more distant from her. I don’t know what to do with those feelings I had for her. Whether she’s around or not makes no difference—same goes for her mother.

Life is happening. Nothing feels the same anymore. No one believed me—and I didn’t even need them to. I thought I had forgotten about this group. Maybe I did. But I now realize it was a version of it where she, the girl from my group, was someone who abandoned me and hurt me. And now she’s not. Being in this group makes her devoted and respectful—and I love that. Before, I felt like she was spiraling toward a nightmare that could’ve even ended her life—God forbid—with something as terrible as a knife. I hope I was wrong.

I don’t know what comes next for my life. I’ve never faced something like this. It’s all been about letting myself be carried by the current—and that’s it. Like I entered a kind of crisis only to come out the other side, finally shining. I don’t know if I wish things had been different. Probably not. I feel like I’m in a much better place now, where I’m allowed to bloom on my own terms. I didn’t feel that before. This group is about feelings, not about upholding painful old paradigms—a bitter photo album that, in my opinion, is always ugly.

It’s amazing how that other girl—the different one—has become almost a ghost to me. Hearing her mother’s distant voice, feeling how, as I got closer to them, they faded further away… it was indescribable. Psychologically, despite the distance, I feel closer to the girl in my group. And I think that’s the whole point. Because with her, I sense a real structure—something genuine. Not like in my family, where all they focused on was finding flaws. That was bitter through and through.

I feel like I’m in paradise—even though I’m still in the same house, in the same place. The people around me might be nearby physically, but they can’t really reach me. I’m a stranger to them now. Just like she, the girl in my group, is a stranger to her environment. In fact, she was already acting that way the last time I saw her in person. It’s clear now: her spirit was already with me—expressed in the way I feel so deeply supported by her.

It’s been six months since I lost him; my fiancé, my rock, my future. Some days, it feels like just yesterday that we were planning our wedding, picking out flowers, and arguing about seating arrangements—something so trivial now, right? Ever since that fateful evening when his car collided with that reckless driver, I’ve found myself this lost soul wandering through life, searching for fragments of happiness. I remember the way his laughter lit up the room, and how he always had this way of pulling me into his hugs that made everything else fade away. Now, those memories, like knives, cut deep and leave me aching. I try to fill my days with distraction, pouring time into work and waiting for the hours to pass, but no matter how busy I keep myself, there’s this hollow pit in my chest that seems impossible to fill. I mean, how do you even begin to find happiness again when the person you thought you’d share your life with is gone forever? I guess I’m just wandering in this grey space, regretting the future that will never be but also attempting to find these little glimmers of joy—like when I hear a song he loved or see a couple laughing together, and it kinda makes my heart squeeze just a bit, but then it's followed by this wave of nostalgia that I can’t shake off.

But here’s the thing—amidst all this confusion, I have this flicker of hope! I’ve started to think that maybe happiness isn’t a lost cause. I mean, who says I can’t find a way to smile again? I’ve been leaning into all those little things—like the scent of fresh coffee in the morning or how the sun hits the trees just right at dusk. I even signed up for a pottery class, which feels ridiculous at times because I totally suck at it, but it’s exhilarating to be doing something totally new and messy; it reminds me that life can be imperfect and still beautiful. I mean, am I asking too much? Just to feel that simple joy again? It’s a climb, and sometimes it feels like I’m on this never-ending uphill battle, but I’m learning to embrace the process. I read somewhere that healing isn’t linear, and I’m starting to accept that it’s okay to have days when I feel like crying or days when I feel like laughing uncontrollably. Every moment is a step, whether it’s forward or backward. Honestly, I’m not sure if I’ll ever truly feel ‘normal’ again, but here’s hoping that, one day, I’ll wake up and feel a little less burdened, a little lighter; maybe, just maybe, the sun will shine a bit brighter on my path ahead, and I’ll find that whimsical joy again!

My ex and I stayed friends. I genuinely tried to grow from yk what he told me when he broke up with me. I’ve been thinking about distancing myself from him for a little bit but tonight sealed the deal. He and his friend were having problems. If I’m being honest, he was being self centered while

His friend came to him about an issue with their relationship. Though it’s not my friendship. But what hit the nail on the head of whether or not to leave him was the fact he dropped my name in their conversation. He said “this is just like how OP and others act.” I had nothing to do with that and he had no business bringing me up solely. So I asked him straight up “wtf was that name drop” and said oh I feel bad.and that oh but that stuff is solved. So why tf do you feel the need to bring up me in a conversation not about me? That shot was unnecessary. And then he said “but there is some stuff that’s been bothering me.” It’s impossible to make him happy. I have tried so hard. And there’s still grievances he refuses to say. That’s why we broke up in the first place. I’m actually so tired of this.

i’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to cut off contact with your own parents. it’s not a decision you make lightly, it’s not something you wake up one morning and decide “oh, i’m done with them now,” and it’s definitely not a thing you can explain to people without sounding like the villain. but the truth is, it wasn’t just one big fight, or a betrayal that led me here. it was more like a million little paper cuts that eventually made me bleed out. each conversation, each snide comment, each cold shoulder... they stacked up like bricks around my chest until breathing became a chore. and now, i’m at a point where silence feels safer than words ever did.

there’s this misconception that going no contact is an impulsive act, a dramatic outburst, but let me tell you – it’s calculated, it’s weighed, and it’s born from years of exhaustion. for me, it wasn’t about punishing them; it was about protecting myself. there’s a sort of peace in not waiting for a call that won’t come, in not bracing for the disappointment that hits you when you realize the people who were supposed to love you unconditionally... just didn’t know how. i still remember the last time i tried to explain my feelings to them, how i said, “i just need space,” and they responded with guilt-tripping and accusations like i was betraying the family code. maybe you’ve felt that too, the subtle manipulation, the expectation that no matter what, you’ll bend because “they’re your parents” – but at what cost?

cutting ties isn’t about hate, it’s about survival. sometimes you’ve got to ask yourself, “how much more of myself do i have to lose before i finally put up a boundary?” i used to sit in my room after those long, draining phone calls, wondering if i was being too sensitive, too dramatic, too harsh. but with time, i realized i was just human, and there’s only so much hurt you can endure before you have to step away for your own sanity. and yes, the guilt still gnaws at me, especially on holidays or when i hear from relatives asking why i’ve become so distant. but i remind myself that self-preservation isn’t selfishness; it’s necessary.

so, i sit here now, scrolling through old photos, thinking about what could have been if they had just tried a little harder, listened a little closer, or loved a little better. but i can’t change them, and i can’t keep sacrificing my peace to maintain a relationship that only drains me. i’m learning to accept that some doors are meant to stay closed, that not every story gets a happy ending, and that’s okay. sure, there’s a lingering sadness, an ache for what i wish i had, but there’s also relief in knowing i’ve chosen myself, finally. and maybe that’s the real takeaway here – that sometimes the healthiest love is the one you give yourself, even when it means walking away from those who were supposed to give it to you first.

does it ever get easier? i don’t know. maybe it’s just one of those things you learn to live with, like a scar that reminds you of a wound that’s healed but still aches when it rains. and when people ask me if i’ll ever reconnect, i just shrug and say, “maybe one day,” because who really knows? but for now, i’m okay with the quiet, with the space i’ve carved out for myself, and with the understanding that no contact doesn’t mean no love – it just means love from a distance. and maybe that’s enough; maybe that’s all i can give.

(Clive)

You know exactly who you are. and who I am.

Sapphire is confused. Cartter’s just himself, but honestly worse. Bax is indifferent, they never had any particular affection for anyone they knew. Mushroom has no idea what’s happened. I’m generally indifferent, you never were anything to me. Allen locked front, he doesn’t want to deal with us anymore, but I managed to get him to let me out for a bit. Aether just doesn’t care, he was tired of everyone calling him “unc” anyway. We gained a new one, Carlos, who thinks Allen could’ve handled it better.

(Sapphire)

Clive’s right, I am kinda confused, I don’t know why Allen did this. I just hope… nevermind. Allen wouldn’t want me to say that, and neither would they, I suppose… Cartter would say something, but he’s a little angry with Allen, and trying to hide that anger. What me and Clive are trying to say is don’t be mad at ALL of us, please. This was all Allen’s decision. But… he is happy with his new friends, and glad to see that you guys seem… generally still happy without him, at least on the outside. He read all your posts, and he’s… understandably shaken (I am choosing my words SO CAREFULLY here and still failing at keeping my head cool). His exact words were, “Nothing like going through your ex’s vent posts about you… I feel like an asshole. Probably cause I am, but… y’know.”

Hi everyone,

I’m very confused and I don’t know what to do. I have deteriorating mental health, and I also try to find the best in others and I always have so much empathy for others. I always care so much about other people and I take it towards myself to help them, even though it doesn’t concern me. Due to recent experiences, I now see just how easy I make it for people to take advantage of me. My boyfriend and I have been together for around a month. We are young, and we fell for each other fast, and we fell for each other hard. We are very similar in some ways, but different in others. When we first got together, I thought I was so lucky to have him. He came into my life when I was the most desperate, and he turned out to be so sweet and loving, I thought he could have been the best guy I could ever ask for. He seemed to always care about how I feel, he wanted to make me feel like the best girl in the world. I like to express my thoughts in writing, and I’ve written so so many messages about how much I love and appreciate him and all that he does for me. But naturally, sometimes we make playful sarcastic jokes. I’m okay with it! I know he’s joking, because I know he loves me. He and I used to worry I wouldn’t remember that due to my crippling self doubt and low self esteem, but now I’m thinking, he’s the one who needs to be reminded! Naturally, he’s a teenage boy, and he has a huge ego while also being super insecure. Anytime I say something that slights threatens his sense of superiority, he switches up on me. He acts as if I didn't write or say every kind word I’ve ever wrote or said, and instead makes me feel like I’m a horrible person (My biggest fear is being a horrible person) over a simple joke. Jokes he says to me all the time. Usually, these misunderstandings clear up quickly as we communicate, but yesterday, it was more than I could handle.

I made a joke in a group chat about how he didn’t want to go on a date with me. Thats already one thing, It’s not even that he couldn’t, he tells me all the time he is free all the time, he complains about not being able to see me, makes me feel terrible about it, and when I finally make an opportunity I’m content with, he simply didn’t want to go out with me yesterday. Immediately I apologized for what I said, I knew he found jokes like that hurtful and I deeply regretted what I said. I broke down. He didn’t handle his anger very well, especially when he knew I would get upset, almost as if he wanted me to get so upset - but that can’t be true, it won’t be true. Because all he tells me all the time is how much he loves me, how he wants me to get better, and I don’t think he would ever want to jeopardize that. He started with texting me “its fine, I don’t want to talk anymore, go to bed”. Typically, I would immediately give him the attention he so deeply wanted, and I would’ve began trying to fix things, when he hasn’t even apologized to me yet, he wrote : “i get you’re sorry, but I’m still mad, so just forget about it, maybe I’ll be more forgiving tomorrow, i dont care so you shouldn’t either”. I think we both knew how truly both of us cared a lot. Fortunately, I was too busy breaking down to my mom and sister and I left him on read. That’s an important detail because he saw how I wasn’t immediately giving attention like usual, and so he kept going. And it made me feel so so much worse. He texted a paragraph about how he didn’t understand why he acts in such ways, how much I deserve better than him, I should just leave him, he hates himself and he wishes he was a good person. He has never been so vulnerable with me, and I really appreciated that, and I really wanted to help change his mind - but my mom and my sister thought differently. They showed me how this is another desperate attempt to manipulate me into making him feel better about himself. If he truly cared about how I felt, he would’ve broken up with me, but instead he wanted to make me make the decision, because he knew I would never have it in me to leave him. Sometimes, he genuinely treats me unfairly and it so mentally exhausting. Where my mom and I see differently is that I believe he wants to change, and my mom believes he will never change. Because guess what, after spewing all of that, and again I read it but didn’t reply, he switched up AGAIN. He was very sorry, he wrote how grateful he was for me and how badly he wants to make it up to me and how much he loves me. Maybe it’s the manipulation and love bombing thats manipulating me once again, but this gives me hope that he truly does care, and he wants to change for me, and he wants to become a better person. And I want

to help him, I want to grow with him, no matter how draining it could get. My mom and sister and I came up with a straight forward simple reply. Addressing the overreaction, how his reaction manipulates me and makes me feel, and how I wish he could react differently since it is unhealthy for both of us. We’ve resolved the moment and the harsh feelings, but I don’t know how to go about this today. He replied thanking me for my honesty, and how much he wants to get better for me. I want to give him a chance.

I think I’ve decided that I will, and I want to grow as people together,

Can anyone give me suggestions on how to go about this today? This all happened last night, and I want to confront him today morning. Either beginning of the day or second half

Of the day.

So when I was in school me and my friends were arguing about which comes first egg or chicken but like some time I felt like they were double teaming so I tried to tell them and they wouldn’t listen so they started arguing at me at the same time I had a panic attack I told on of them and she said she didn’t care then she started saying I was a snitch and I didn’t care and it was my fault about what happened what she was talking about was 2 years ago in midfield school so I left and my other friend said I needed to apologized to her but I didn’t think I needed to so me and my friend made up I told my school friends about him and they told me to dump that friend so I blocked him on everything and I can’t get this argument out of my head.

My mother and I we don't have the easiest relationship. I mean the things are great until they are great. We can't seem to agree on anything. Plus she thinks I am naive and will get mistreated everywhere. I think she thinks I am stupid. She judges me for almost anything and everything, like how I talk, who I talk to, what I talk about. She judges the way I conduct myself, why I speak so much when I literally met my friend after 2 years. I don't know how to deal with this. I think I also I have severe mommy issues. I have a voice inside my head, mostly her voice that tells me that I am wrong, that i every step I take is wrong. So yeah that's my story. I want to change this narrative and I want to become a person of my own free of from all prejudices that my mother has set for me. I want to be free. What would you guys do if you would in a situation like this?

I just turned 18 and graduated high school last year and if I'm being honest about everything, I genuinely cannot see myself passing the age of 20. I still feel like I'm 12 years old about to start high school, I genuinely have nothing going for me in life, I have no friends; the ones I do have live in different states and are with their significant others, which is something I don't have. I feel like a burden for my family and they all have jobs and expect me to get one or start doing something with my life.

What can I do to change the way I feel?

hello , i want my identity to be anonymous and don't want to tell more about myself i am a 20year old female and i am a student. recently i asked a question to my boyfriend what is it if you ask i asked hi m about thier parents approval in this relationship where he is a muslim and i am a christian it was a very happy and healthy relationship of 1 year we were about to celebrate our 1 year aniversary and i asked this question at 18th of january 2025 i asked him what if your parents does not accept our relationship what would you do and he told that he wants both of us and i told him what if there is a situation arrives where you need to choose between me and your family what would you do ?? as a curious girlfriend i asked him this question and what he said stunned me within an hour or so he came to a conclusion that we should end it here and lets not go long way and get hurt and tells that he is doing this for me and told that he is doing this for me and he does not want to hurt you and keeps silent these all happened in call when i went to talk in real with him he ran away currently im in holidays and im in excruciating pain i dont know what to do but i think if we talk in real there might be a chance that he will realize what he is doing now should i do it ???

I've been obsessing about this for a long time.

Why? Why are we alive? Why give life when it's easily taken away?

I don't want to die, that's scary. But I know that it's because that I've been given life that I'm scared of it being taken away.

I still have a long way to get there, but sometimes, I think really hard about it and it gives me this ugly feeling in the chest.

I want to believe that there's something beyond death but I just can't do it. How do people not think about their short lives? How can they live not thinking about their inevitable death? Because it gives me pressure, it pressures me to HAVE to leave something on earh, something that proves that I was once alive, something like a big invention, to be famous, inspire people.

Please, someone, anyone, make living forever possible. I don't want to leave my life, I want to stay here, read everything that exists, do everything that it's possible to do. I don't want to leave incomplete, without those I love, without the things I like to do.

All the time i always do my best to reach out and build connections with people. But most of it i just got ignored until one dah i reached the point where i’m so dont with building the connection with people and suddenly people think i am the bad one for not initiating things and reach out first? Like i’m jusy so tired and honestly gave up with interpersonal relationships

I keep rehearsing the line in my head, like it is a script, but my mouth stays closed when I sit on her couch. I am very polite. I say “yes ma’am” and “thank you.” I talk about sleep hygiene and stressors and coping skills, like I am trying to sound clinical for the session notes. The real sentence is that I have suicidal thoughts. No plan. No date. Just the thoughts, like pop ups, and it scares me. I do not say it because I picture her switching from calm therapist mode to risk assessment mode, and then confidentiality turns into a rule book. She knows my parents. They pay. My brain keeps yelling she will call them and say I am unsafe. I know there is duty to protect, imminent risk, mandated reporting, all that stuff, but it feels like a trap door under the carpet. I imagine a cascade: she documents it, asks about means, does a lethality screen, makes a safety plan, asks for consent to involve family, and if I freeze she escalates to crisis protocol. Then my mom crying, my dad going quiet, and me getting treated like a problem to be managed. I keep thinking, what if I say it wrong, what if “I don’t want to be here” sounds like “I will do it tonight.” What if I get sent to a hospital because I used the wrong words. I try to stay objective, like I am reporting symptoms, but my hands sweat and I talk about homework instead. Do you also do that thing where you translate your pain into acceptable bullet points so nobody panics;

Last session she asked what I am avoiding, very gently, and I gave the most boring answer possible. Later at home I tried to be logical. Therapists do not want drama, they want risk management and client stability, and they usually follow a decision tree. If there is no plan, no intent, and you can agree to a safety plan, the standard of care is often outpatient. That is what I repeat to myself because it helps. I can picture a version where I say, “I have suicidal ideation, passive and recurring,” and she nods like it is a normal data point. She might do a brief suicide risk formulation, ask about protective factors, and build a coping toolbox with me. She might suggest a psychiatric consult. She might ask me to reduce access to anything risky, and ask if I have one trusted adult, and that part could be my choice. If someone is in immediate danger, calling local emergency services is the right move. I still fear the parent phone call, yes, but I also notice hiding it is its own risk. When I keep it secret, the thoughts get louder, like they win by default. Also, I do want a future, even if it is small, like just finishing a week and eating breakfast. When I imagine saying it out loud, it feels like turning a light on in a messy room. Not clean, just visible. And visibility is kind of the first intervention. I am not saying it becomes easy. I am saying it can become more manageable, and a treatment plan is a real thing, not a moral failing. Next time I think I will ask her, politely, what her confidentiality limits are with parents, in plain words, before I disclose details. If you were in my chair, would you rather keep guessing, or would you rather know the protocol and build a plan that keeps you here for the next day, and the next?

all my friends are committed and/or got acceptences to colleges that are top 10 or so and im the only one who hasnt gotten any back yet. this wasnt an issue until they started asking me every single day whether i got any decisions or if ill just commit to a state school while talking bad behind my back about how im stupid for months and i didnt say anything. i dont think im stupid, ive worked incredibly hard i have a higher gpa and class rank then all of them and international ecs but ive always tried to actively help them out. today one of them called me to brag and gloat that they got in my dream school that i had gotten deferred from and made sure to reiterate it over and over in a 15 minute call before i had to hang up despite saying congrats genuinually for the first 10 minutes. i feel like an asshole for being upset about this and if i tell anyone how i feel i will be an asshole so im venting here, are my feelings even justified.