Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I now believe that dream jobs are a waste of time. This is why I have thrown out being an astronomer, and graphic designer. I have dream jobs for a reason. Because I won’t actually pursue them. I won’t pursue them whether it’s because I dislike math and don’t want to work in a math heavy field or if I enjoy the product more than the process, and because it is a low percent chance I’ll actually achieve it in a period of the world where hard work doesn’t guarantee anything and most likely won’t get you what you want . if I were to consider people facing doubts and similar obstacles I can only understand how a few of them get their dream job. It’s better to not waste my time and existence on dream jobs and get a job I have a significantly higher chance of getting.

I've never been able to understand myself or truly understand others. I've never managed to form a real attachment to someone without feeling like I'm lying to myself, and it's the same with my parents and friends. On top of that, I feel completely empty all the time. I can't even physically cry anymore—I feel hollow, like there's no solution. Yet, I've been seeing a psychologist for three years, as well as a child psychiatrist. I'm only 15, but honestly, I can't see myself making it to 25.

[Translated from French as IIWIARS is English only]

Ok so I’m gonna try and explain this the best I can but honestly don’t know if it’s gonna make sense. Lately, been thinking a lot about why I have like, commitment issues. Like why can’t I just be normal in a relationship? Every time things start getting serious, it’s like I freak out and just... want to run. It’s not like I don’t like the person or whatever but something about it just makes me feel trapped or suffocated.

So yeah, was dating this guy (let’s call him Jason) for like 6 months. Everything was good at first. We would go out, have fun, all that cute couple stuff you see in movies. But then one day he starts talking about “our future.” Like where we’re gonna live, getting a dog, even marriage. And I swear, felt like I couldn’t breathe. My head just started screaming like get out now. Sounds dramatic but that’s literally how it felt.

After that convo, started pulling back. Didn’t text him as much or made excuses not to hang out. Obviously, he noticed and asked me what was going on. And you know what I said? NOTHING. Just stared at him like an idiot because how do you even explain that you have commitment issues without sounding crazy?? Who wants to hear “yeah I like you but the idea of being with you forever lowkey freaks me out”? He’d probably think I’m a psycho.

Anyway, ended up ghosting him. Not proud of it but didn’t know what else to do. He texted me a few times asking if we could talk but just ignored it. Now he’s blocked and honestly feel like the worst person ever. Like, Jason didn’t even do anything wrong. It’s all me.

Started googling “commitment issues” and omg it’s like reading about myself. Apparently, it can come from stuff like childhood trauma or being scared of getting hurt. Didn’t have a horrible childhood or anything, but my parents got divorced when I was 10 so maybe that’s it? Don’t know. Just know that every time someone tries to get close, it’s like I start pushing them away.

And it’s not even just romantic relationships either. Even with friends, keep people at arm’s length. Will hang out and have fun but if someone starts calling me their “best friend” or talks about going on a trip together, it’s like I start making excuses. Can’t handle anyone depending on me for too long.

Wish I could fix it but no idea where to start. Therapy maybe? But the idea of opening up to a stranger about all this stuff kind of freaks me out too lol. Ugh, it’s like a never-ending cycle of pushing people away and then feeling lonely af.

If anyone’s reading this and has advice, please share. How do you get over commitment issues?? Because at this point, tired of sabotaging every good thing in my life.

I’m 13, female and I went on a website looking for someone to talk to so I could vent about my issues with my family. My family, while I love them, has flaws. My parents, even though they’re divorced, still live together in my Mom’s apartment with me and my sister. It had been a rough divorce and I’m not sure if I’m fully over it but I still have lasting things going on. My mom and dad mutter bad things about each other, mostly my dad though. Living in an apartment it’s easy to hear through the paper thin walls and his loud voice doesn’t help. I don’t know if my little sister notices or not but I hope she doesn’t. Anyway, I went on a website that was 18+ where you could talk to strangers anonymously. As expected there were a lot of weird people on there but I skipped past them and found a few good ones. I matched up with this one German guy. I live in New Jersey, USA so we’re nowhere near each other. I found it cool I could talk with someone across the world and we talked about the different countries and our lives. He told me he was 22 and I said I was 19 since the age was 18+. I probably shouldn’t have ever gone on in the first place but I was desperate for someone to listen to me. So we talked and talked. He was really nice and sweet and he listened to me and gave feedback. I told him my insecurities and he said that I was perfect the way I was and not to worry about it and let it drag me down, despite not even seeing a picture of me or anything! I felt so seen and heard. We both had cats. I had one and he had too so we talked about that and made jokes. He was funny and made me smile. So, when I started picking up on him flirting with me I was flattered but dread started to pile up. I liked the flirting, I never felt so nice like I had nothing to change or worry about. Not to mention I’m fairly socially awkward and not on the popular side in my school so while everyone started to date and experiment I lagged behind. Maybe a bit ridiculous I know but I always wanted something like true love. Or even just someone to cherish me like the guys in the books and shows.. and he gave me that. I told him I was part French but only by blood and I didn’t really know French but we still joked about it. I’m in French class so I knew a few French words and sentences so I showed him just as fun, things like how to order from a restaurant and whatnot. He said he had a thing for French girls and I couldn’t help but feel happy and the flutter in my stomach I never really felt before. The time difference was major and he had to go to sleep soon as it was very late at night, or rather early in the morning for him. I never flirted back but I did pick up on all of his. How he wished me goodnight in French, he called me hun, said specific things about comments I made that I knew he did intentionally. That problem is, I’m 13, not 19. It’s wrong and nothing will ever come of it but he doesn’t know that. I’m cat fishing him and I didn’t even mean to! I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been a genuine connection like that for so long and I feel so good around him, he said I make him smile by talking with him. But he doesn’t know I’m 13. I don’t want to let go of what we have, I’m afraid I’ll never find something like that again. I know it can never happen though. And even if I could manage to just stay on a friendly level I’m sure the feelings wouldn’t go away and it wouldn’t change the fact that I have to keep pretending to be 19. He’d find out eventually or at least get suspicious right? I couldn’t tell him, he’d be furious of course and I don’t want to lose the friendship and connection I have. I don’t know what to do now.

it’s been six months since I moved to New York City, and I can’t shake this feeling of loneliness. being 29 and living in such a bustling city is supposed to be exciting, right? well, I thought so too. As I walk around the streets filled with lively faces and vibrant energy, I find myself feeling disconnected and isolated. the sheer size of the city amplifies my loneliness; it’s ironic how one can feel so alone in a crowd. sometimes, I wonder if others feel the same way; do they also walk around with an invisible barrier between themselves and the world around them?

to combat this loneliness, I decided to engage in some volunteer work. I thought that maybe helping others would not only distract me from my own feelings but also help me connect with new people. I signed up at a local food bank and participated regularly, serving meals and sorting donations. while it was fulfilling to see the smiles on people's faces, I still returned home feeling hollow. the relationships formed during those moments were fleeting and shallow; it’s not like I was building lasting connections. I had hoped for more than just a brief encounter; I wanted to form friendships and find a sense of belonging. instead, I left with the same heavy heart, counting the days since I moved to this city.

during my time volunteering, I made small talk with a few people, sharing brief exchanges and pleasantries. however, I would return to my empty apartment, and the silence would feel deafening. it seems that despite the efforts I had put into trying to engage with others, I still found myself without real friends or a support system. I have considered joining clubs or classes, but the thought of walking into a room full of strangers is daunting, and I often find myself hesitating. does everyone feel this uncertainty when meeting new people? am I the only one struggling to find my place in a city that never sleeps? 🤔

even though the loneliness has been overwhelming, I refuse to let it consume me. I remind myself that I chose to live in New York City for a reason, and I believe that the opportunities for connection are boundless. I have been exploring new hobbies, such as painting and attending community events, and while I have yet to forge lasting friendships, I remain hopeful. each day brings new possibilities; it’s a matter of putting myself out there. perhaps it is just a matter of time; I trust that with patience, I will find my tribe. the journey towards connection can be incredibly challenging, but I strive to remain positive and cultivate a sense of gratitude for the experiences I have had so far.

in conclusion, my loneliness has led me to reflect on myself and what I truly desire from my life in this magnificent city. I acknowledge the pain of feeling disconnected, yet I see it as a stepping stone towards personal growth. while the struggles may feel heavy now, I am motivated to keep moving forward and seek connections that will enrich my life. ultimately, I know I am not alone in my journey. so, if you find yourself feeling lonely too, how do you cope with it? what steps do you take to connect with others? let's find solace in sharing these experiences, for perhaps together we can navigate this vast city and create meaningful connections in the process; you never know what could be just around the corner.

I’ve had a horrible couple months of being unemployed, procrastinating on school work to the point of failing, and overall going through a rough emotional headspace. I’ve taken this time to get to the root of the problem and really get to know myself and why exactly I feel the way I’ve been feeling for the past few years, it’s all been a cycle of going hard, burning out, and having nothing to show for it while everyone else seems to move along just fine… am I doing something wrong?

I have unmedicated ADHD so perhaps that has been quite an important step in realizing that my mental health and overall mental capacity is different to everyone else’s, and so it makes me feel so lonely and misunderstood especially when it comes to emotional topics, all my friends and family seem to turn away and not really get what I’m really trying to say.

Recently I had a huge fight with my mom about triggers and trauma and she kind of threw it in my face that I’m gay and that long story short; feels ashamed. I thought about it long and hard, and it made me feel even worse. All my friends have something to show for themselves and have a good support circle in their lives, meanwhile I feel like I have to come home alone and find solace in myself whenever I feel pain… I understand no one is coming to save me, but having something to call my own and fall back on would be so great…. I’m slowly but surely getting there, but I can’t help like I have to do it all alone.

i’ve spent my whole life chasing the dream of being a pro footballer, y’know? every day, training on my own, with the lads, at the gym, trying to push myself harder than yesterday. i’d wake up early, sleep late, never stopped thinking about the game. but now, i’m 23, and it’s finally hitting me that maybe, just maybe, i’m not good enough. no club’s ever taken me seriously, and i can’t even get a spot to earn a basic salary from this. it hurts, honestly, because i gave it everything i had. my parents, bless them, they’ve been my biggest cheerleaders, always saying “don’t give up,” but i can see it in their eyes too – they’re worried about what comes next. i should’ve studied more, kept my options open, but all i could think of was football. now it feels like i’m standing at the edge of a cliff, wondering what to do next. do i keep pushing for something that’s not happening, or do i finally admit i need a plan b?

the thing is, i don’t even know what i’d do if it’s not football. i’ve put all my eggs in this basket for so long, i can’t imagine doing anything else. i didn’t focus on school, didn’t get a trade, nothing. football was my life, my identity. now i feel like a fool, and it’s scary. but i guess life’s not over yet. there’s still time to figure something out, even if it means starting from scratch. i’ve been thinking about coaching, maybe working with kids, trying to pass on what i know. or i could look at fitness training or something else sporty – something that keeps me close to the game. it’s not the big dream i had, but it’s a start, right? i’m not gonna sit around and mope forever, i just need to get my head straight and make a new plan; maybe this was never meant to be my path in the first place. have you ever felt like your dream was slipping away from you and you had to start again?

sometimes i feel embarrassed talking about this, like i’m letting everyone down – my family, my mates, even myself. but deep down, i know they just want me to be happy. it’s not about how much money you make or the career you have, it’s about waking up and feeling good about what you’re doing. i don’t want to waste more years chasing something that’s breaking me down. i’m still young, i’ve got time to figure it out, and i’m not afraid to work hard – i just need to be smart about it. maybe i’ll find something that gives me the same buzz as football. maybe it’ll take a while. but i’m not giving up on life, not on my dreams either, just shifting them a bit. at the end of the day, it’s about finding your own version of success, whatever that looks like. so why am i not good enough? maybe i am – just not for the path i thought i wanted.

I don’t kno when it started exactly. Maybe it was innocent at first, just little jokes, casual convos, a few laughs here and there. But now, I feel like there’s somthing more, something I don’t really wanna admit to myself. I’m a married man, been with my wife for years, we built a life together, and I still love her—I really do. But lately, there’s this thing with my coworker, and I can’t ignore it. It’s not like I’m doing anything, not really. We just talk a lot, joke around, sometimes she texts me after work about random stuff. And I know it’s harmless—I mean, we don’t touch, we don’t cross any big lines. But if it’s all so harmless, then why do I feel guilty? Why do I delete some of our messages before I get home? Why do I think about her when I’m laying in bed next to my wife?

I keep tellin myself it’s not cheating, because there’s no actual act, no betrayal in the way people usually think about it. But then I wonder… if the roles were reversed, if I saw my wife laughing with some guy at her job the way I do with this coworker, if she was gettin texts late at night, if she was goin out of her way to look just a little bit nicer when she knew she’d see him—would I be okay with that? No. No way. And that’s the part that’s messing with me. I know I’m playing with fire, even if it’s just a tiny spark right now. Maybe nothing will ever happen, maybe it’ll just stay this light, playful thing. But what if it doesn’t? What if one day I cross a line I can’t uncross? What if I already have, and I just don’t wanna admit it?

I tell myself that it’s natural, that everyone flirts a little, that it doesn’t mean anything. I mean, just because I enjoy talking to her, just because I look forward to seeing her, just because my heart beats a little faster when she compliments me—that doesn’t make me a bad guy, right? Maybe I’m just craving attention in a way I didn’t realize before. Marriage is great, but after years together, it’s easy to feel… unnoticed. My wife and I are comfortable, we have our routines, and I know she loves me, but sometimes it doesn’t feel new anymore. But this coworker? She laughs at my jokes like they’re actually funny, she notices little things about me, she makes me feel like I still got that charm. And damn, it feels good to feel wanted.

But then the guilt creeps back in, and I start wonderin—is flirting cheating? I know what the “right” answer is, what people say it is. But in reality? It’s not always so black and white. Because it’s not just about what you do, it’s about what you feel. And if I’m already feeling this guilty, maybe I already have my answer. Maybe I just don’t wanna face it.

When i tell you that every single one of my friends is talking to a guy, i am not kidding. I have not had a single boyfriend my entire life, no situationships, not even a talking stage.

I have this one friend, lets call her jenna, she is in a month long relationship with this guy that another one of our friends, madison, used to date. Madison has had almost 3 boyfriends since her and this guy, the one that Jenna is now dating, broke up. My other friend, layla, is talking to this guy on snap and gets asked for her number like every other day. Even my really introverted friend, ashley, has secretly been texting this guy sense the begining of the school year.

And its not like im some random person that just lurks in the corner at my school, I sit with a pretty popular group of people, though i am the most quiet in that group. And its not like im super unattractive either, i mean i definitely am not pretty pretty, but i like to think i am average. i mean every now and then a couple girls from school will just walk up to me to tell me i have really pretty eyes, so that must count toward smt, right?

Not to mention, i see guys looking at me when they dont think i see them. BUT NOBODY ASKS ME OUT.

And whenever i do like a guy that i think likes me back, because they are lit always looking at me (im prob just delulu), they always end up liking someone else. One of them was the guy that was texting with ashley 😭 (but i didnt like him, he isn't my type).

I mean for the first couple years of school since i moved to this new state i was the stereotypical nerdy girl, so that might have smt to do with it.

Honestly, im probably just overreacting, it just kinda upsets me that nobody wants to date me.

Thx for reading this, hope u have a good morning/afternoon/night!💕

Here comes another sleepless night because all I can do is cry and think. Think about what normal people would call nonsense, but in this case it just… all adds up. So… I’ve been with my bf for more than a year. Since the beginning things were difficult. We would argue often, he wanted to break up multiple times, and I ended up turning my life upside town and changing 90% of me, mostly to „become myself again” and escape the influence of people I called friends, but I know that some things I did were all and only for him to stay. Now this part is almost „stable”, even tho there are still things that are wrong about me and I am aware of that and the cause of all of this (family issues, the fucked up way I was raised). But… ever since I can remember my bf used to mention his ex often. Always in a good way, recalling good memories etc. He told me A LOT about their relationship, how their mother liked him, how they liked to spend time together, damn he even sent me multiple pictures of them together MULTIPLE TIMES… I remember one time I said something bad about his ex, out of jealousy when he was talking about them again, and he got all protective, and almost aggressive like I just insulted someone important to him. He’s been never intimate with his ex, but he is with me every fucking time we see each other and this also makes me sick. Makes me feel like I’m his little cum bucket, walking piece of meat (mostly tits, ass and thighs) even tho he said he never saw me only in this way. I just can’t… when I recall the things he told me about his relationship with his ex, and when I compare it to what we have, I’m starting to fucking cry, because I feel like I’m never gonna be such an amazing partner like his ex was, I feel like he’s with me just to have anybody by his side. I can’t take the fact that I had to change so, so much only for him to not want to leave me, but his ex just came to his life and he was obsessed with them. They never annoyed him, but he told me multiple times how annoying can I get. Damn, he even told me how his ex would get him out of toxic activities, and how they would help him with his mental health etc, BUT I KNOW DAMN WELL I CANT DO SHIT LIKE THEM CUZ MY MOTHER NEVER TAUGHT ME HOW TO SHOW LOVE. I… I feel like I’m not even his real partner. Like I’m just there to fill the empty space. They broke up almost 2 years ago but still I can feel he misses them, but he’s never gonna admit it. He’s just comfortable with me. With chunks of meat to grab and sexualize. I wanna tear my fucking skin and replace it with his exes because maybe if I became them he would be finally happy and would not want to leave… I’m such a fuck up. I think I’m gonna cry again. Idk how this site works, I have no friends because I was kind of forced to cut ties with them, and I don’t have the strength to talk to anyone.

I feel almost completely alone deep down. The people in my life seem to just abandon me at my lowest moments now. And I struggle with extreme disdain and self loathing. Yet I also feel like I’m being ridiculous at times, like I don’t deserve to be feeling the way I do because I haven’t experienced enough badness in my life. I don’t get therapy enough. I make poor choices continuously. I am really at the edge of losing hope for myself entirely. And all of it sparked from girl problems, or at least, the recent parts of it. So I guess, what would people have thought if they had seen all of this on a reality tv show?

Hi.

I am in a relationship with my girlfriend for over 6 years now and I love her. When I met her she had a 3yr old son and we now have a son together. The issue now is that we constantly fight and we are drifting apart, I feel like I don't wanna be with her anymore and I have very dark thoughts, sometimes I wanna just end my life but I think about my son. I'm really sinking and I have nobody to speak to.

I have found comfort in playing with myself(wanking). I don't have friends, my life is just sad. The only reason I'm sticking around is because of my child, I really need help.

“i feel like crying, i don’t feel like myself / this isn’t like me at all” — TWICE, TT

2026 was supposed to be my person year. a year where i’m putting myself first, to do things i love without judgement, u know how it goes. but it’s been january and i feel like i wanna unalive.

the anti-ai bullying is getting worse each day. i mentioned previously that it’s hard to be a synthographer bc ur most likely to get an “ai slop trash” comment than a praise. they’ll trash u, fuck u up, until u snap. i guess that’s what’s happening to me lately. it’s getting problematic for me and everyone i know.

i thought that art is meant for everyone, but why does everyone think that we’re stealing images with actual creativity that gets run thru the machine? why does everyone think i’m a fraud; that i’m not fit to be part of multimedia arts course? why does everyone accuse someone of using chatgpt just by using an em dash? this greater internet fuckwad theory is getting too much man. putangina.

and hey, don’t get me started on anti’s antics. the witch hunts, the accusations, the constant bashing, even memes. don’t forget nightshade and throw in that NO-AI.gif too. “we got demons in the comments section,” says oliver tree in one song, and i think there is on every comments section.

i know that society expects u to get ur shit together, but rn i feel like i’m falling apart. i’m confused, overwhelmed, overstimmed. for fuck’s sake, i’m already losing interest in synthography bc of school. there, does that make u happy? are u happy that i can’t generate anymore bc i don’t have wifi? are u happy that u won from constant bullying? are u happy that u flip off an ai billboard or write anti-ai graffiti on a subway ad? be fucking honest, ARE U HAPPY?

i’m so tired of this bullshit. there are times where i wanted to look for some inspiration, but i end up doomscrolling instead. fuck all of this man. i can’t take it anymore. once again, thanks for coming to my TED talk.

So my parent was really strict before and barely let me do anything, but I started to have a lot of anxiety and just by making the smallest mistake I would start having a panic attack because I was so scared of failure and not being enough that it got dangerous and even developed into a phobia. My parent got really mad at me for always messing up because of my severe anxiety and manic depression from their expectations being too high. They called me 'ungrateful' and always using my mental health as 'excuses' just to get things. I tried to explain why I act like this, but they were having none of it. I just stopped trying to explain myself and just told them what's really happening in my head and body, but they just said it was another one of my excuses to get something,but I was just trying to tell them that they needed to start following the accommodations my safety plan says and they just waved me off, gave me one of my devices and started ignoring me for days.

Currently, we’re providing shelter to my sister Helen and her family after their house suffered damage from Hurricane Helene (yep... bad naming coincidence...). We’ve set some ground rules while they stay with us: they must respect our space, her boys are not allowed in my daughter Lucy’s room, and they need to move out as soon as their home is repaired.

Unfortunately, Helen's sons disregarded these rules and entered Lucy's room, rummaging through her belongings. They discovered one of Lucy’s special compression bras, which she uses for her theater roles. Since she’s been involved in drama from a young age, this bra, which resembles a tank top, is essential for when she needs to portray a boy or a young girl by flattening her chest to suit the character better.

The situation escalated when Helen found the bra and discarded it.

We only noticed it was missing when Lucy was organizing her theatre kit for a play rehearsal. She’s due to play Viola in her school’s rendition of "Twelfth Night," and this bra is vital for her costume. It wasn't just any item; it cost us $50 as most of Lucy's theatre expenses like makeup and costumes are covered by us.

I approached Helen about the issue, insisting she reimburse us so we could replace the item. However, Helen resisted, citing her financial hardships and questioning the appropriateness of Lucy owning such an item. She used the phrase "boys will be boys" to dismiss her sons' behavior. Our mother has always been lenient towards Helen and thinks I’m being overly strict, especially considering Helen's current status as a financially struggling single mother without a home.

All I want is for my daughter’s possessions to be replaced. Is it unreasonable to expect that?

If this scenario unfolded on a reality TV show, viewers might witness heightened drama with hosts and audience reactions potentially split. Some might sympathize with the plight of a family losing their home, while others could argue the importance of respecting belongings and personal space, creating a polarized viewer response.

How would you feel if your relative discarded your belongings?