Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

So, you know how when you're a teenager, your brain is rewiring itself as well? Like, your prefrontal cortex is very slowly maturing, unlike the amygdala with already matures. That means since the amygdala is a very emotional and hyperactive organ, it causes us to do more impulsive things than rational ones. No wonder at 13 I feel so angry, reckless, sad and anxious. Those emotions are shameful, they make me savage and horrid. I wish I had better control of myself. It makes me focus on one thing, usually shallow stuff, and forget the other, like an idiot. That's why I finish certain homework and not some. That's why say something horrible and regret it. I hate my brain, I wish I was more mature and less angry and chaotic. I've heard certain drugs like Xanax work as they reduce amygdala activity and soothe you, make you more relaxed and less anxious. They do that, right? And I heard that cutting my skin works by releasing endorphins, which will also soothe me. I hate my body, I hate how ugly and out of control I am right now. The drugs and cutting will fix me, in theory, they work I just know it. So please, I don't think I'm shameful, I think I'll be smart and lucky and not get addicted.

So there is this guy in my class that i am friends with. He says he has dated a lot of girls (16 girls to be exact). And i have only dated 1 guy ever before. So while i don't like that he is a so called playboy, Idk why but i still like him.

We used to spend a lot of time together cause he is in my class and we also live in the same building. and one night he got icecream for us so we went on the terrace and sat together eating it.

So he initiated all of this by getting the icecream, eventually we both said we liked each other and then we even kissed (full blown makeout session actually)

All of this meant a lot to me as it is my first time at it. This continued for like a week, he "lovebombed" me. We even went on two movie dates. It was all like too good to be true types. It was very perfect to me, so i started really really liking this guy.

And well he basically stopped talking to me abruptly. And that has left me all heartbroken and clueless. Like why would he himself initiate the spark, tell me that he likes me, do all these nice things for me, and then just leave?

I've recently been asking myself why -the f*ck- am I so unmotivated? and, quite frankly, it's starting to bug me. I mean, I’m 32, and I feel like I should have it all figured out, yet here I am, stuck in this seemingly endless rut. one thing that always hits me is work. Like, seriously, what’s going on with work nowadays?! Year after year, I've watched as impossible deadlines have consumed my time and energy. It seems that the intensity only increases as I get older. Deadlines??? More like "dead-end lines" if you ask me. The pressure to perform and deliver feels crushing, and to top it all off, there’s this whole AI assistance thing now… It’s like I’ve forgotten how to do my job, and AI is just there to slap me in the face and remind me how inadequate I can feel.

Then there’s the future!!! It’s so uncertain. With AI doing everything these days, where do people like me fit in the grand scheme of things? 🤖 It's hard not to feel overshadowed. I remember when I started working - there was genuine excitement and purpose. But now? All I see are stacks of emails, projects that never seem to truly end, and an endless stream of tasks that just never fail to drain any ounce of enthusiasm I have left. How did we reach a point where human contribution feels diluted? Recently, I read a quote somewhere: "Technology is best when it brings people together." Well, sometimes it feels like technology is best when it sidelines people. 😟

When did AI become the new face of productivity and efficiency? I can’t deny its usefulness, sure, I mean, I’ve saved hours thanks to AI, but I can’t help but to remember a time when people were valued for their skills, not the speed at which they can get things done. I’m not saying I’m against progress, but there’s this nagging feeling that I’m just not cut out for the kind of change that’s happening. Am I wrong to feel this way??? I wonder if anyone else out there feels this looming sense of uncertainty about the future at work…

Sometimes, I think back to when things were simpler. A box of office supplies, a friendly chat with colleagues at the water cooler, and those celebratory Friday afternoons when everyone was excited for the weekend. There was a real sense of camaraderie back then. Nowadays? Everything’s just distant and digital. Is social interaction a thing of the past? 🫰 Maybe it's just one of those slumps that people go through in their lives, I don’t know. But all of this has made me really question not just the future of my career but what fulfillment means to me personally. After all, isn’t it possible that we’re supposed to navigate these transitions and uncertainties with grace and adaptability??? Or maybe, it’s truly time for a career change or a soul-searching sabbatical.

I wasn't exactly sure what category to put this story in. I'm not exactly dating these people, and the reasons for that are super complicated.

My ex, Gunner, made me feel horrible. He said he couldn't date me because of my multiple personalities, which I get, I have mood swings, but I'm pretty sure what he was experiencing was just emotions. And also because I was adopted, I was "taken out of my natural habitat and who knows what I'd do." Which was said by Gunner's mother. Me and Gunner had only been dating for a week. I had to watch him date another pretty girl, who he stayed with longer than me. Me and Gunner only lasted a week, but we'd been talking for a month. After they'd broken up, she had a similar experience, saying he was extremely racist to her, and didn't want to be with her because her anxiety was something he couldn't "handle".

I sometimes wonder if maybe it is me who is doing something wrong. I know Gunner and me just weren't meant for each other, and I know something is wrong with him because I talked to Valeria (His ex). Gunner went around saying I was a bad kisser, which I know for a fact isn't true. He just needed something to around talking about, even though he'd broken up with me because of my background...? He's not fooling anyone.

A few months ago, I was talking to this boy named Jeremiah. We were good friends before we started talking, and my sister is the one who decided I should try to get with him. We'd only been talking a week before he ghosted me, and stopped talking to me. I heard from my sister, who promised that Jerry wasn't going to be like my ex, he said he "just wasn't feeling it."

We were talking today in pottery, when he told me that he thought I hated him. The way I heal is: I totally ignore the person while I cry and be sad over them. That's just how I am. Yeah, I see that as a red flag, but I can't help caring for someone I think cares for me too.

He told me today that I wanted to have a friends with benefits situation, and his friend Ethan started yapping about it, and telling Jerry how good of an idea it was. I just sat there. I know he's just going to use me with this whole benefits thing. And the reason I say "use me" is because that's what he's doing.

I had just gotten out of talking to someone, which only lasted a week. Wow, are you guys surprised? What's the pattern here? Hmm...

This guy's name is Tanner. Tanner and I have known each other since the seventh grade. He told me he's liked me since last year, but then just on Saturday, told me he's lost feelings for me. Okay, but how do you lose feelings that fast? It was clearly lust, not love. And he's been waiting to do stuff with me for a year, it's obvious. At first, I was so happy he liked me! Then, I heard the stories of him getting with girls, and as soon as he got what he wanted, ghosting them. Did I listen? No. I gave him what he wanted... I'm sure you can image what I mean. And, he ended up leaving anyways. Then, to make matters worse, I saw him, the next day, with his hand between Cory's thigh. Holding her hand in the halls, looking at her like he looked at me. Like he really likes her. Like he really liked me.

So, when I say that Jerry is using me, it's because of what happened with Tanner. Literally a month ago, this boy whom I really liked, we "did it" but I'd only done it because I really like him, and I thought, if I did it, he would like me too. But, he didn't. It was really sad, because like everyone else, he ended up ghosting me too. Guess how long we'd been talking! A WEEK!!!

So, remember when I said it must be me who's doing something wrong? That's because of things like this! It must be my fault! I was talking to Jerry today, and he said Tanner broke things off because I'm too nice.

Guys, my love language is physical touch, and gifts. Tanner told me he didn't like me anymore, according to Jerry, because I'm too nice. I'm too nice? What? That's ridiculous. I know I can trust this source because him and Tanner are best friends.

Oh, and also, when Jerry was talking about that dumb friends with benefits thing, he said that if it did happen, he couldn't tell anyone, and that it is supposed to be secret. So, wait, he wants to do it with me, but I'm not allowed to talk about it?

It just shows he's literally ashamed to be with me.

All of this has been hurting my mental health. It's coming to a point where I feel kind of insane? And it's not like I'm doing it on purpose, I just really don't know if I can handle my heart being messed around with. It's only been a couple weeks that this has happened to me. I hate going around from guy to guy, but I'm also tired of being played.

That's not even the worst part about this.

I can't even tell anyone about this, which is why I'm glad there are sites like these...

So, we all know - lots of teens have Snap chat. I've been talking to this guy on snap, who actually just recently told me his age today. I guess it's kinda creepy because all along I've thought he was my age. He told me he was going to buy me a bunch of stuff, and that he loved me, and that we were going to get married.

Okay, so what's the problem, just block him! RIght?

Right.

I wish I could say that it was actually that simple. It weird. I know he's mentally ill, because he's 39 and I'm 15. But I just can't ignore him. It's not hurting me to say goodmorning to him, right? And besides, he listens to me. It's not like he's asked for my address, or for me to send to him, so he's not harmful. And although its really weird, and you guys probably think it's gross, its not like he's grooming me, right? And, sadly, I really like the attention. It would never work, because he's like 23 years older than me, but it's kinda nice he's the only person who hasn't made fun of me for being, well, me.

And I know he says I'm his fiance, and he'd do anything for me, and he wants to come see me in June... but I can't let him go. I do that, and I'm just as bad as all the guys at my school who are trying to ghost me. Why can't we just find people who like me for me? Who want to be with me? I want someone who wants to be with me, all the time. Who can't stand to be with out me. Who likes to hang out with me, who will let me braid their hair, laugh with them, has jokes, good style, can help me with my homework. Someone who won't leave just because, I have a good butt (Which was said by my friend Daryl who just wants to do me too) or because they just weren't feeling me, or because I'm adopted or well...

Because I'm too nice.

You see, cuz my parents are getting tired of me. They don't really care what I do anymore. But it's sad, because at these moments all I need is my mama. We found out that she might have cancer. I don't know if I'm glad, or if I'm scared. Why would I be glad? Because I was almost taken from her because of abuse. So why do I want her? Where was my bio mama when I needed her? Lynda was there for me, not Dominique. I've started taking pills again, sleeping more, smoking, eating less. I actually hate sulking around all the time and hating life. But, when you've been spit out and thrown away like a wad of ABC gum, I can't held but feel how other people treat me. And I wonder, does Cory even see how she looks? Getting with someone who does things with girls and then dips?

Or maybe she's blinded by love, like me.

Well, I'm rambling now. But you all get the point.

So what do I mean it's going to be the last?

The last time I ever said I love you ever again.

Because no one ever deserves my love.

And no one ever will.

so, life took an unexpected turn recently. i'm a 54-year-old guy, and you'd think by now i've seen it all, right? but nope, life still surprises. my wife, the woman i thought was my partner through thick and thin, cheated on me. not just with anyone, but with my best friend. talk about a double whammy. i don't even know what hurts more, the betrayal or the fact that it came from someone so close. betrayal sucks, man. it really does. it's like having someone drive a stake through your heart and then just twisting it for good measure. ever been there?

i'm trying to figure out how to bounce back from this mess. you'd think at my age, i'd have the wisdom of experience to guide me, but every day feels like navigating a minefield. how do you rebuild trust when it's been obliterated? "time heals all wounds," they say. but let's be real, time can also make you dwell on stuff you wish you could forget. for now, i'm just taking it one step at a time. i leaned on some classic tunes dubbed "heartbreak anthems" and found a shred of solace in them. funny how music can sometimes be the only thing that understands you. oh well, i digress.

it’s a wild ride. i'm not sure where i'll end up, but isn't that part of the journey? i've read countless self-help articles, and some talk about forgiveness and moving on. i'm not sure i'm there yet. what does forgiveness even look like in this scenario? does it mean being okay with what happened, or is it more about finding peace in your own head? i've made a point of not letting bitterness consume me, though. staying hopeful, you know? it’s like that quote i once saw: "holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." ain't that the truth?

going through this ordeal with a positive lens is a conscious choice; after all, life's too short to wallow in negativity. i've decided to focus on what i can control. i started picking up old hobbies, keeping busy. there's something therapeutic about diving into activities that remind you who you are beyond the hurt. maybe someone reading this can relate. does getting back to a personal hobby ring a bell for anyone? hope it does. having little wins each day gives you something to look forward to. also, talking to a therapist has been a game-changer for me. it's nice to have someone just listen.

so, that's where i'm at right now. i'm trying to piece it all together. sure, it's not easy, but nothing worth having ever is, right? the affair recovery is more about healing than anything else. my story ain't unique, and i know there's a bunch of people out there in the same boat. if you're one of them, hang in there. life's a rollercoaster packed with ups and downs, but the ride's worth it. stay strong and keep moving forward; tomorrow's got to be better. and hey, if you feel like sharing your story too, drop a line. sometimes, it's easier to heal together...

I've been in a relationship for several years now.

At the start, everything felt loving, and the honeymoon phase was wonderful. My partner was always very vocal about how much they cared for me, and each day I woke up feeling hopeful and excited about what we would do next. Trips to the park, to the movies. Anywhere was a delight, as long as they were with me.

Still, we both had our flaws. Mine, I felt, were detrimental to the relationship.

I decided to seek therapy to work on myself.

Recently, both of us have been going through difficult patches in our lives. Although I tried not to burden them, I eventually allowed myself to lean on them for support. They lashed out in response. I didn’t know what was going on in their life because they hadn’t shared it with me. Once they told me they were hurting, I realized their harsh words came from a place of pain. While it wasn’t okay for them to take it out on me, I understood that something in their life must be very wrong for them to react that way.

I wanted to sit down with them and have an open conversation about it, but it’s been difficult. Every day, my partner curses at me, makes me feel like I need to progress faster in therapy, and shuts down the conversation before I get a chance to speak. They still refuse to admit they've done anything hurtful, let alone wrong. I want to be here for them, but I don't know if I can keep being their emotional punching bag. I’ve been waking up in tears every day, and now I’m genuinely scared to be around them.

I keep hoping that today will be the day they hear the sharpness in their words while they speak, take a step back, and apologize for how they've been treating me. But it hasn't happened yet.

I lied to my friends and the only friend left is still talking to me and she wants me to admit somtthing else to her but Iam so scared and anxious that shes just going to block me like the others and I dont know what todo besdies ignore it and hope she just thinks I dropped off of the platform

Him: For a moment, I thought maybe you’re one of those girls too. (because he heard of teenage pregnancy is increasing)

Who knows, maybe you have some boyfriend…

And you have s*x with him.

Him: Anyway baby, you’re really not doing such things, right?

She: ARE YOU CRAZY??? YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND?

Him: Most girls have already done it.

It’s the same in every country—

Not just India.

She: What do you mean “doing it”?!

Him: I didn’t say that, honey…

She: Oh, you didn’t say it? But I’m saying it.

That thought was yours.

You think I’m a w**re?

I’m a bi***?

She: Hey, I’m not from (adcabc) you know that.

Him: (abcabc) is number 1 in this.

She: Are you mad? I’m from the East side!

And wtf you are thinking about my character?

Him: I didn’t say that, honey…

She: Oh, you didn’t say it? But I’m saying it.

That thought was yours.

You think I’m a whore?

I’m a bitch?

Him: Baby…

She: How can you even think that?

Him: I’m just saying what I thought for a second.

She: You are the dumbest fucking asshole I’ve ever met.

Him: Baby…

I was just talking about that moment, and I know now…

Baby…

Him: Baby…

I was just talking about that moment, and I realize now…

Baby, I love you. Really.

Let’s just drop all this… baby.

Her: This conversation has become completely inappropriate and uncomfortable.

Him: For you maybe, baby.

Not for me.

Her: You repeatedly made personal and offensive comments that are disrespectful and suspicious. I’m fucking ashamed that you even thought that.

Him: Because I love you.

And no matter what you say, it doesn’t hurt me.

I love you more than you love me.

More than anyone else.

I don’t care what you say, I only care that you’re saying something, and I love it.

What happened?

You should try to understand me.

Not just sit on one thing I said and fight over it.

That’s not it.

I’m not perfect.

Her: So now you’ll question my character? Hahahaha.

Him: But everything you do affects me so much.

I always remember those moments…

That someone once did that for me too.

Baby, I said it’s not suspicion.

Her: Then what would you call the things you said?

Him: To be honest, (something garbage)…

Her: At least spell my name right.

Him: You have the dumbest boyfriend.

I’ll stay single from now on, I’ll never get into a relationship again,

because I’m not worthy of it.

And honestly, I had already lost interest in girls.

I need to accept reality.

Her: Just tell someone—tell your mom or sister—that you said those things to your girlfriend.

You’ll never understand what it means to say such things to a girl, and how deeply it affects her.

Accept it.

Childish.

Him: Okay baby…

You’re right.

I understand now.

Because I’ve already said it.

I just couldn’t remember that moment before, but now ....

I’m sorry.

I love you.

I love you so much.

(After she calm down a little)

Her: Men are shit. I'm done with them.

I might die before I fall for anyone ever again.

Him: It’s okay, (girl name). Then let’s end it now?

(??)

Her: Sounds so eager.

Him: See you next time.

Her: You want to be free? Then go ahead.

Him: Haha.

Her: I've erased you from here (the chat), wish I could erase you from my mind too.

Him: I wish.

I hope you come out of all this soon.

Her: No clarity, no respect… why the fuck do I still love you?

Him: Yeah, (girl name).

For a girl, these things matter the most?

Her: Just go away from here.

Him: Okay then.

(She really loved him and after thinking for a while)

she:

I know you’ve been through a lot, and I wanted to be there for you to make things better. But right now, I need to step back for my own peace. I can’t ignore the hurt I’m feeling anymore. I truly hope you find the happiness and healing you need, but I also need to heal. Please understand that I’m doing this for myself.

Him:

Selfish.

I don't care about myself.

You know, I could die for you.

I love you more than anyone, even more than my own family.

But I also want this.

Selfish.

You know how much I love you.

But you don’t even try to understand.

You only care about yourself.

Her:

Playing the victim, aren’t you?

Him:

Leave it.

I can’t say anything now.

I think we should stay apart.

Just take care.

Her:

As you wish.

Him:

Honey, I love you.

But I’m not the right one for you.

I come from a poor family.

I’m not even handsome.

Her:

I don’t care.

But honestly, it feels like you’ve become mentally unstable.

I always thought you were handsome, good-looking, and a good person.

But what the hell is going on with your thinking?

Him:

I’m a small-minded person… just thinking like them.

Her:

Whatever.

Her: I’m done with this conversation. Take care.

I’m 13, female and I went on a website looking for someone to talk to so I could vent about my issues with my family. My family, while I love them, has flaws. My parents, even though they’re divorced, still live together in my Mom’s apartment with me and my sister. It had been a rough divorce and I’m not sure if I’m fully over it but I still have lasting things going on. My mom and dad mutter bad things about each other, mostly my dad though. Living in an apartment it’s easy to hear through the paper thin walls and his loud voice doesn’t help. I don’t know if my little sister notices or not but I hope she doesn’t. Anyway, I went on a website that was 18+ where you could talk to strangers anonymously. As expected there were a lot of weird people on there but I skipped past them and found a few good ones. I matched up with this one German guy. I live in New Jersey, USA so we’re nowhere near each other. I found it cool I could talk with someone across the world and we talked about the different countries and our lives. He told me he was 22 and I said I was 19 since the age was 18+. I probably shouldn’t have ever gone on in the first place but I was desperate for someone to listen to me. So we talked and talked. He was really nice and sweet and he listened to me and gave feedback. I told him my insecurities and he said that I was perfect the way I was and not to worry about it and let it drag me down, despite not even seeing a picture of me or anything! I felt so seen and heard. We both had cats. I had one and he had too so we talked about that and made jokes. He was funny and made me smile. So, when I started picking up on him flirting with me I was flattered but dread started to pile up. I liked the flirting, I never felt so nice like I had nothing to change or worry about. Not to mention I’m fairly socially awkward and not on the popular side in my school so while everyone started to date and experiment I lagged behind. Maybe a bit ridiculous I know but I always wanted something like true love. Or even just someone to cherish me like the guys in the books and shows.. and he gave me that. I told him I was part French but only by blood and I didn’t really know French but we still joked about it. I’m in French class so I knew a few French words and sentences so I showed him just as fun, things like how to order from a restaurant and whatnot. He said he had a thing for French girls and I couldn’t help but feel happy and the flutter in my stomach I never really felt before. The time difference was major and he had to go to sleep soon as it was very late at night, or rather early in the morning for him. I never flirted back but I did pick up on all of his. How he wished me goodnight in French, he called me hun, said specific things about comments I made that I knew he did intentionally. That problem is, I’m 13, not 19. It’s wrong and nothing will ever come of it but he doesn’t know that. I’m cat fishing him and I didn’t even mean to! I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been a genuine connection like that for so long and I feel so good around him, he said I make him smile by talking with him. But he doesn’t know I’m 13. I don’t want to let go of what we have, I’m afraid I’ll never find something like that again. I know it can never happen though. And even if I could manage to just stay on a friendly level I’m sure the feelings wouldn’t go away and it wouldn’t change the fact that I have to keep pretending to be 19. He’d find out eventually or at least get suspicious right? I couldn’t tell him, he’d be furious of course and I don’t want to lose the friendship and connection I have. I don’t know what to do now.

What's a great advice to keep in touch with your long distance friends?

So me and my girlfriend have been dating for around 10 months now and at first we were the typical couple holding hands and stuff but over the past few weeks she's become overly obsessive and she's been wanting tabs on me everywhere I go and she wants me to always be with her and when I'm not with her she tries to ruin my day by saying she's been crying and stuff which makes me feel bad so I leave what I'm doing with friends to go to her. Overall this has just made me lose friends and made me spiral into a depression and I don't know what to do about it.

Well, here I am again. This time I will talk about what happened to me a few years ago. I have three daughters, 17-year-old triplets. They are somewhat rebellious and rough, but they are also very well-mannered, respectful, and kind girls. Those who read my previous story already know what happened with the mother of my daughters.

But for those who haven’t read it, I kindly invite you to read the previous story so you can have context about my situation.

What happened is that after my daughters learned about my past and what happened between their mother and me, they noticed my loneliness, since I have always lived to raise them with affection and love, educating them and guiding them to always be better. Honestly, I was fine with how things were, but my daughters decided to sign me up on a dating site, and then they sent me on several blind dates. The truth is, it didn’t go very well… because I was still dealing with the trauma from my ex-partner, Ana.

The first date was with a woman around 32 years old, about my age. At first, we talked nicely; she was polite and everything. But the problem came up when the topic of women arose, because she was extremely sexist and very attached to that mindset. I became serious, because my daughters are actually taller and stronger than me. They go to the gym: the oldest does boxing, the middle one practices archery, and the youngest practices kung fu. When this woman asked me about my daughters, I told her everything without shame, because I am proud of them. She became aggressive and started yelling at me, asking how someone like me could allow my daughters to practice “men’s sports.” I got angry, because they can throw hate at me and curse me if they want, but if they mess with my daughters, I will never allow it. So I politely stood up, told her about her flaws and her lack of respect for others, paid for my meal, and left the place.

After that, my daughters sent me on another blind date. This time it was with a divorced woman who, from the very first second, seemed kind, respectful, and sincere. But at one point she asked me if I drank alcohol or smoked. I honestly have never drunk even a drop of alcohol, nor have I ever smoked, because I don’t like it. Even my daughters don’t drink or smoke. I kindly told the woman that I didn’t, and she looked at me seriously and started drinking and smoking. After a while, she stopped talking to me because she considered me boring and not adventurous.

Honestly, I have been the father of three girls since I was 15 years old. I raised them completely on my own; I worked alone and never had the support of my family or my parents. I kindly told her, “Excuse me, miss, I am a father of three. I dedicate my life to raising them, educating them, spending time with them, and helping them with everything. If you are a party-loving woman who enjoys parties, alcohol, and smoking… and you have also made it clear that you don’t like children, I’m sorry, but I’m leaving. I will pay my part of the dinner. Have a nice night, miss.” I paid the waiter and left.

My daughters were always excited, waiting to know whether the date worked or not. Every time I said no, they got a little frustrated, but it passed, because I always told them what had happened. So they decided to keep sending me on blind dates, but it was terrible.

None of the women were my type, and many things happened. Once, a woman threw dessert in my face because she didn’t like me for being a dedicated father. Another time, a single mother slapped me because she didn’t like my hair color. Another was a feminist, but one of those who are very violent, and I am extremely respectful, since I have three daughters and even act as a homemaker. And so night after night of blind dates passed, and I never found a partner.

My daughters gave up for now, but I always cheer them up, because I am passionate about cooking and I always cook and prepare the food they like. That is life to me, and I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world, because seeing that smile of joy on my daughters’ faces gives me the strength to always keep moving forward.

I am 19 years old and I live in Afghanistan.

I have lost my father, and as the eldest son of my family, a heavy responsibility now rests on my shoulders. Our financial situation has become extremely difficult, and with each passing day I feel that continuing my education is slipping further out of reach.

If I do not receive financial support, I will be forced to leave my studies and take on hard, exhausting labor simply to help my family survive. Leaving school would not just mean giving up my education; it would mean saying goodbye to the dreams I have worked toward for many years.

You who have come here to listen to the heartfelt words of others are surely compassionate and kind people. I humbly ask that if you are able to help me in any way, please do not withhold your support. Even the smallest contribution could bring great hope into my life and prevent me from having to abandon my education.

Your helping hand could be the strength that keeps me on the path of learning and building a better future. I sincerely thank you for your kindness and attention.

ive always been different. even when i was little i noticed it. i had meltdowns at school and sometimes i would run out of the classroom. everything got too loud and too confusing. kids stayed away from me. some were scared. i got bullied a lot. it made me think something was wrong with me.

i wanted friends. i wanted to be like everyone else. but i didnt know how. it felt like i missed out on learning something everyone else just knew. my parents tried to help. they got me on meds and into therapy. it didnt fix how alone i felt. it just made me feel guilty for being a problem.

growing up i barely had any friends. most of the time i was by myself. even in high school, when it seemed like everyone had groups and plans and people to count on, i had maybe two or three people i could really trust. and even then i was scared. i felt like if they ever knew the real me, they might leave too. and if they did, i would have no one.

im bi but i dont tell people. its not because im ashamed. its because im terrified of losing the little bit of connection i have. i know if i tell the wrong person, i could lose the only friends i trust. and if that happens, thats it. im alone again. completely. and i dont know if i can handle that. id rather hide it and keep something than be honest and lose everything.

the only thing that worked for me was baseball. when i played, i wasnt different. i was just part of a team. ive played since i was a kid. no vacations, no parties, no normal stuff. just baseball.

for a while that was enough.

now i know im probably not going to make it. im not getting drafted. im not going to play pro. and i dont know what to do without it. it was never just a game to me. it was my whole life.

now im studying accounting. im good at numbers, maybe because of my autism. people say its a smart choice. they say it will get me a good job. but i dont like it. its just surviving. working and paying bills and doing it all again the next day. i hate it. i hate that dreams dont matter unless they make money.

i thought about coaching but it doesnt pay enough. so i have to give that up too.

i feel stuck most days. like i missed too much already and now im building a life that wont make me happy. people told me i was going to do great things. and now if im not the best at something, i feel like im nothing.

i dont talk about this much. i dont want to make it anyone elses problem. i dont want to just survive. i want to actually live.

Hi? To be honest I am not doing well but people around me thinks I am haha. It’s just hard to express what I feel when all my life I feel like my feelings were always invalidated or I feel like I am being a burden. My family is really going through it all right now and it fucking hurts. I just gradually escaped my academic pressure and self validation but this is whats happening like another problem gosh. I thought after all the hell I been through with me and my self validation like I thought I would get better but no. Having a physically absent father and physically absent mother who is emotionally unstable is not for the weak. I still talk to my Mom but she doesn’t know that it pains me a lot knowing that they’re all in a different family now haha. Like what about me? But I understand, I always understand haha. I have been through hell since I was a kid, like my asthma condition was so worst that I almost died. It really pains me because I took care of myself growing up, always pleasing everyone to get the validation I needed, to feel loved. I just wanted to feel loved by my parents that’s all haha. I raised myself, I was a middle child but I was the one who raised us. Why you asking? Because I was always the one who knows about our family problems, always needing to be the mature one. Like can’t I be a kid and run free? Haha. I was pushed into something I didn’t want bruh, I just wanna be a kid too. All the favoritism is crazy. I am still living but a part of me already died. Seeing people commit suicide especially the influencer I love because she’s literally the reason why I loved my tanned skin, it literally triggered something in me. And it hurts, ’cause I am always so close of doing it just for the pain to end. It really hurts y’all but I don’t wanna be selfish but all I needed was my parents, I didn’t wanna be like this.