Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

The celebration of Canadian Thanksgiving is quite a tradition in our home in the United States, owing largely to my stepmom's Canadian heritage. Every year, her mother travels from British Columbia to host a grand Thanksgiving feast for our mostly American family. But, truth be told, my step-grandmother, whom I affectionately refer to as my “step-grandma,” lacks a certain finesse in the kitchen. More so, her personality brims with passive-aggressiveness, especially during our festivities. Each year, without fail, she magnifies her culinary efforts, expecting endless adulation for her rather unsavory dishes.

Every Canadian Thanksgiving, my husband and I find ourselves designated as the dishwashers, a task we’ve reluctantly accepted. While I don’t inherently mind washing dishes, being the sole helpers when we are guests starts to feel more like an imposition. Originally, it seemed logical since we were the youngest adults, but over the last few years, even as my stepmom’s younger relatives joined, they’d quickly retreat to luxuries like the hot tub, leaving us to labor alone. It’s particularly frustrating when I'm interrupted during rare moments spent playing with my nephew I barely see, only to hear my step-grandma's loud hints about needing help in the kitchen, followed by my dad enlisting us yet again.

The previous year marked our move to a different city. When the annual celebration rolled around, they inquired if I would attend. Initially, I hesitated and eventually declined, citing uncertain reasons before outright refusing even their offer to cover our travel costs. Truthfully, it wasn’t about not being able to go; I was simply tired of the unfair expectation that we, alone, should contribute through chores while others socialized or relaxed.

Discussing this with my two older brothers brought mixed reactions. One brother sympathized, understanding my frustration, while the other dismissed it as a trivial issue. This leaves me questioning: am I being unreasonable here?

Imagine if this scenario unfolded on a reality show. Cameras rolling, capturing every whisper and conspicuous glance, the tension and the drama heightened for viewers at home. How would the audience react to seeing one family member consistently laden with tasks, their genuine annoyance veiled under polite compliance? The dynamics of sympathy versus judgment from the public could swing widely, possibly siding with me for feeling singled out or against me for making a 'big deal' out of family help.

Given this context, I wonder if my frustration is justified or if I should just accept these family roles silently.

We had been seeing each other for a year, and everything felt like we were a couple. He told me he loved me, and I felt the same. We spent every weekend together and even planned our first trip.

Last weekend, he was in bed, and I made him pancakes because his birthday was on Tuesday. He was thrilled and joked that I was spoiling him. I said I wanted to spoil my man. He responded, "I’m not your man," with a smile on his face. I thought he was kidding and replied, "Yeah, I know you’re not my man." But then he got serious and said, "No, really, I’m not your boyfriend." I felt sick but tried to stay calm. I asked what we were, and he said, "I don’t know. Really great friends with benefits?" I didn’t say anything, and he ate his pancakes in silence. Later, he asked if we were doing anything, and I said I was planning to clean and do paperwork. He left after an hour. I ran to the bathroom, threw up, and cried for two hours. I couldn’t keep anything down the rest of the day. He texted that evening, thanking me for breakfast in bed and saying I was “amazing,” but I didn’t reply, so he called a few times. I didn’t answer. Around 10 PM, he showed up at my door. I pretended to be sick with the flu and was going to bed. He offered to stay the night, but I said no.

I ignored him on Sunday and Monday and didn’t wish him a happy birthday on Tuesday. I kept my texts short, pretending to be sick. He never brought up what he said. Yesterday, he wrote that he missed me and hadn’t gone this long without talking to me since we met and that he was going mad. He asked if we could have dinner. I said I was very busy. He asked if I missed him, and I said I was tired because I was out all night with a guy and wanted to relax alone. He stopped replying. He showed up 15 minutes later, asking if I was lying. I wasn’t. I told him we weren’t a couple, so I was free to do whatever. He said I broke his heart and cheated on him and called me an asshole. I waited for him to leave before crying again.

He’s right; we never had the “talk.” I just assumed we were together because I loved him and thought he felt the same. But if we aren’t together, why was he upset that I slept with someone else? Was I the asshole? Was it cheating?

Imagine if this played out on a reality show. How would people react? Would they think he’s the bad guy for leading me on, or would they see me as the one in the wrong? How do you think the audience would respond?

My 30th birthday dinner was meant to be a special occasion. Planned as a joyous family gathering at a restaurant, it was essentially the highlight of my birthday celebrations since I hadn’t organized a party. However, events took an unexpected turn earlier today when my brother and his wife called me, bubbling with excitement to share their news of expecting a baby. Naturally, I was overjoyed for them and we went through all the customary celebratory conversations. But then, they dropped a question that caught me off guard. They wanted to know if I would be okay with them announcing their pregnancy to our parents during my birthday dinner, explaining that since his wife had been feeling nauseous and wasn’t drinking, it would make sense to share the news now. They assured me they could wait and announce it at another family-focused event if I preferred.

The mere fact that they asked this of me stung a bit. It’s not been easy celebrating personal milestones recently, with numerous past birthdays ending in disappointment and my university graduation being overshadowed by the pandemic. Turning 30 felt monumental, especially considering I don’t plan on the traditional milestones of marriage or children anytime soon. With these thoughts heavy on my mind, I asked for some time to think and promised to call them back.

Feeling somewhat cornered, I decided it would be best if they didn’t share their news at my birthday dinner. They seemed to understand, but when I expressed how their request had put me in an awkward position, the conversation quickly soured. They became defensive and my sister-in-law even raised her voice. The call ended on a terse note, leaving me more distressed than before.

This upheaval completely soured my mood and the thought of sitting through a dinner pretending to be cheerful was unbearable. I ended up calling my parents to postpone the dinner, unable to provide a full explanation, which led to their obvious frustration and the reservation’s cancellation fee.

In a bid to clear the air, I reached out directly to my brother. I tried to explain the depth of my feelings and questioned whether he would have made such a request if it were another significant celebration, like an engagement dinner. The conversation was a long one, with pauses and equivocations, but it ended with my brother apologizing, though the damage was done.

Our rescheduled dinner now won't happen until far after my actual birthday due to my brother’s job constraints, making the whole event feel somewhat pointless.

On top of it all, the backlash from the family for the dinner being delayed and the resultant unpleasantness has been directed at me, making me question if I am the one at fault here.

Imagine if this scenario had unfolded on a reality TV show. The dramatic phone calls, the tense family dynamics, and the emotions riding high could have made for quite the episode. Viewers likely would have been split—some siding with me over the importance of respecting my birthday wishes, while others might argue that family news could enhance the celebratory atmosphere. The debates would swirl not just within the confines of my family, but across social media platforms, as the public weighed in on the family drama unfolding on screen.

Would you have let your siblings announce their pregnancy at your birthday dinner?

idk if im gay or bi or straight or just confused. like i see this one boy in my school and he smile at me and my brain went all like fuzzy?? not like when i look at girls sometimes idk it just feel different. not better or worse just weird. i dont like hate myself or nothing but i feel like i wanna know what this is. i try look at girls the same way but it not same feeling even tho i still think they look pretty. my friends always talk about girls like oh she's hot or whatever and i laugh along but i feel kinda fake. like why i dont feel that strong? but then again maybe i do just not same time or same way. my brain go all confuse when i try think hard. i seen some gay stuff online too and some of it make me feel things, like not bad things just kinda like oh that’s nice, and i dont know if that mean something or if it just a normal thing like people curious. i read that some people just need time to figure and that you not gonna have all answers at once so maybe that’s me too;

i talk to my cousin once, he gay and he said it took him years to know. he said don’t rush and just feel what you feel, don’t push it away but don’t force nothing either. he nice and i trust him but still i scared to even say to friends or anything. they not bad people just always making jokes like calling stuff gay like it’s dumb or weak or something and that make me not wanna say stuff even if i maybe gay. i don’t feel ashamed or like i’m doing wrong but i also don’t wanna be laughed at or treated weird. i think about future too and if i wanna have a boyfriend or girlfriend and it feel like both could maybe happen?? but also neither maybe?? is that even a thing? like not choosing or just feeling okay with both and letting it go where it go. i wish school teach this stuff better instead of just making us read poems from old dead guys. we got feelings too and not everyone feel same and that okay. sometimes i just wanna talk and say all this out loud but my throat close up like i scared of my own voice.

i still don’t have answer. maybe i never will get a big moment where i’m like “oh now i know”. maybe it gonna be little stuff adding up and one day i’ll just feel okay with whatever i am. for now i think it's fine to wonder and not know for sure. maybe you reading this feel same and that okay too. i’m just trying my best to be honest with myself and not hate anything i feel. i wanna like who i like and be okay with that. life already hard enough without me hating my own heart. so i gonna keep thinking and living and hoping that things get clearer. and maybe one day i’ll smile at someone and they smile back and it just make sense. 😊

I'm a 48-year-old father with two sons, Alex (15) and Max (12). Alex is practically my mini-me; he not only resembles me but also shares my passion for all things geeky. On the other hand, Max is the complete opposite and has been that way since he was young. He's always been drawn to athletics, a trait he probably picked up from my brother, who was a huge sports enthusiast and lived with us for a while when Max was little. It was my brother who introduced Max to sports, which led to him pleading with my wife and me to let him join a baseball team. Reluctantly, we agreed, and to no one's surprise, he took to it immediately. Personally, I’ve never taken to sports, stemming from my own childhood experiences as the outlier who had no interest in athletic activities.

Now that Max is 12, I notice he’s starting to embody the stereotypical jock persona, which troubles me. He even bullies his elder brother Alex by shutting off his computer during games or stealing his snacks. Recently, Max expressed a desire to shift to a high school with a robust sports program which includes baseball and football. I outright refused, banning him from football due to safety concerns and insisted he should attend the same private school as Alex, focusing strictly on academics. I even suggested he explore the arts, like theater or music. He reacted poorly, using profanity and storming out. I grounded him and decided to pull him out of baseball immediately, but to my astonishment, my wife interjected, allowing him to finish the season and supporting the school change they’d apparently already discussed. This led to a heated argument between us, as I felt she was undermining my parenting.

If this whole situation played out on a reality show, viewers might see me as either overprotective or too controlling, framing it as a typical drama between traditional parenting clashing with modern approaches. They would probably have a field day analyzing our family dynamics, the confrontation, and the parent-teen conflict that follows such decisions.

Hubby and I have five kiddos, one a newborn and others under 9. We met up with family for school holidays. Idk if it’s the change of scenery, the hype of seeing family since before Christmas, or the change of routine but the four kids are just hyper and a bit more disobedient. We have a good handle on them but it’s taking a few extra tries to get them in line. Anyways, after a few days of this and the activities with family, I’m getting embarrassed by the kids’ behaviour and I’m just physically wiped. I’m gonna need a vacation from this vacation. I feel like the family is getting a bit annoyed too and idk what else to do or say aside from “sorry about that”. They are obviously forgiving but there is no further encouragement from them. I’m not expecting a whole support group. I’m simply venting here. I hate that my kids are acting up and I hate that I’m embarrassed by their behaviour instead of just loving them and continue loving and disciplining them and staying consistent. I hate that I’m not gracious or graceful. I cried yesterday out of frustration. I just want them to be easy going and respectful so a cousin or aunt can take them for a bit and hubby and I can actually enjoy a sliver of this vacation too (or at least nap!!!). We are literally just parenting in another city and the kids are harder than usual. I’m just so upset and venting. I know things will get better. Just had to get it out! Thanks.

Greetings,

I am an employee at a residential facility that provides support for individuals needing constant assistance. I manage type 1 diabetes, which necessitates self-administration of insulin and diligent monitoring of my blood sugar levels. To keep track of my glucose, I employ various methods: 1) An app on my mobile that receives data from a sensor on my arm, 2) manual scanning of the arm sensor using my phone when the app is unresponsive or when the phone is too far from the sensor, and 3) occasional traditional blood tests, which I use less frequently than the other methods.

One of my colleagues, named Amanda, whom I work with during the week, often oversteps boundaries concerning my diabetes. Her interest in the condition stems from her husband having type 2 diabetes and owning two diabetic cats. Despite my attempts to establish clear limits regarding my personal health, Amanda regularly intrudes with probing questions.

A typical day at work involved me manually scanning my sensor for a quick glucose reading—an activity Amanda witnessed. As usual, she inquired about my well-being. I reassured her that I was fine and mentioned that she need not worry each time she sees me use my scanner. I expressed that I would let her know if I was in any discomfort or if my levels were off. Despite claiming to respect my feelings by promising to not check on me again, Amanda continued her usual inquiries.

This consistent behavior led to a more heated exchange where Amanda confronted me, labeling my previous responses as rude. She insisted her questions were out of concern. I explained, once again, the necessity for frequent monitoring and asserted that while I appreciate her concern, her constant questioning felt invasive. In response, she scoffed and suggested I refrain from scanning when in her presence to avoid her inquiries. This suggestion was unreasonable to me, given the importance of regular monitoring of my condition, especially at work. Our conversation ended with her sarcastically proposing that I check my glucose levels away from her, an idea I dismissed immediately.

Imagining this scenario on a reality TV show, the tension and drama would undoubtedly be magnified. The audience might sympathize with the need for personal space and medical independence or perhaps view the confrontation as an unnecessary escalation. In such a setting, both viewpoints could be dramatically highlighted, leading to a divisive audience reaction—some siding with the need for privacy and understanding of medical conditions, while others might perceive it as a trivial misunderstanding blown out of proportion for entertainment.

I fucking hate my life, myself, the people in my life (besides one), the people not in my life anymore.

I feel so bad; this depression is killing me.

It already fucking killed me from the inside.

I feel rotten from the inside,

like i have this parasite in me that just kills my sense of time,

my ability to feel anything.

I just wanna feel. Feel happy, cared for.

I don’t wanna hurt, or be hurt.

I don’t wanna be wronged, left.

I don’t wanna be rotten,

scared of people seeing through the lies and driven away from me.

I hope i just dont wake up tomorrow,

no one text me,

so how will they know if i am alive or not?

They dont care if there is blood running through my veins,

oxygen through my blood,

if my heart is pounding.

No one fucking care in the end.

And the end? I’ve fucking reached it.

Im so done. I feel depressed,

so i reach out to people in the hope for just.. love, comfort, non-judgement.

And what do i get? ‘Space to heal’.

That you can’t heal the soul you didn’t break, doesn’t mean you can just fucking leave?

I literally told you i wasn’t your responsibility, and you take it as a yes for just ghosting me?

I never asked you to fix me,

i just long to be held. You abandoning me,

in the time i need you the most,

cuts deeper than the blade i use to just fucking feel something.

If, in the darkest time in the night,

my body just aches to hurt, bleed, harm.

Am i just supposed to give in?

Does it make you feel better that i have a possibility of bleeding out,

just because u can’t handle, change me?

That i feel unable to open up to you?

That i spend my time writing this?

Because only my fucking notes app listenings?that you are the reason i shed a tear?

Are unable to sleep?

Get bad grades from stress?

Look, i don’t blame you for my pain,

i blame you for ignoring it.

Do you feel better, now you left?

Because i ‘only text you to vent’?

Maybe i do,

BECAUSE YOU NEVER.FUCKING.TEXT.ME.

Do you want me to fucking beg you for a text? Is it that hard,

to just stick around when i need you?

I don’t want your pity, help, advice.

I know i shouldn’t cut myself,

i am aware that food is a live essential.

Do you think I’m that fucking stupid?

Do you see me as retarded?

You fucking do, don’t you?

Well i can’t ask you,

BECAUSE YOU WON’T FUCKING RESPONSE. Didn’t you say you care? Love me? Is this love? Leaving in hard times? Were it all just lies?

I really believed you.

When i told you i love you,

I did with every inch of me.

Why does everyone in the end leave?

Am i that fucking unlovable?

Or did they just got scared away,

by my rotten inside?

Oh well, can’t blame them.

And now you wonder why i don’t talk to you?

If i end up dead,

you’re one of my fucking 13 reasons,

and i hope it haunts you for eternity.

I hope your fucking soul is still lost,

wandering in the dark depths or the universe if you lay in your grave as your corpse rots away in the ground.

Actually, no, i don’t. I still love you.

I still care about you, how your day was,

how you slept, what’s going on in your head, your silence battles.

Even when i am drowning and youre just complaining about too much CO2 in your unlimited oxygen,

i’d still give you some of my air.

See..! It’s.not.that.fucking.hard.

What do you need to just understand it?

Do i need to buy you glasses?

Or will my suicide note be the thing you finally read, and don’t ghost?

Fuck, i am such a fool, ain’t i?

Idk why but I just feel like I never good enough. Like I look around and everybody else seem so much more confident, like they just know who they are, what they want, how to talk to people. And then there’s me, always second guessing everything, thinking did I say something dumb? do they even like me? am I just annoying? It’s so exausting to always feel like I gotta prove myself or act a certain way just to be accepted. Like even in class, I wanna ask a question but then my brain goes what if it’s stupid? what if they all think I’m dumb? and then I just sit there in silence, pretending like I understand when I don’t. And it’s not just in class, it’s everywhere. I walk into a room and feel like everybody’s looking at me, judging me, even if I know deep down they prob don’t even care.

I try to tell myself to stop, to just be normal and not overthink everything but it’s so hard. I look in the mirror and all I see are the things I don’t like. My hair is never right, my face looks weird, my clothes never feel like they actually fit me right. And I see all these girls who just look so effortless, like they woke up looking perfect and they don’t even try. Even when I do my makeup or wear something nice, I still feel like I’m just pretending, like it’s obvious to everyone that I don’t belong. And don’t even get me started on social media, cuz that just make it worse. I scroll and see all these people with perfect lives, perfect bodies, perfect friends, and it just makes me feel even more like I’m failing at being a normal human.

I wish I knew how to stop being insecure. Like how do people just wake up and like themselves?? I’ve read all the advice—be positive, practice self love, stop comparing yourself to others—but it don’t actually help. I tell myself "you’re fine, you’re not ugly, you’re smart, you’re worth something" but my brain just goes lol sure keep telling yourself that. I feel like no matter what I do, there’s always gonna be someone better, someone who’s funnier, prettier, more interesting, and people are always gonna like them more than me. And the worst part is I don’t even know why I care so much. It’s not like I even wanna be the center of attention, I just don’t wanna feel like I’m always less than everybody else.

So yeah, if anybody out there actually figured out how to stop being insecure, let me know. Cuz I’m tired of feeling like this, tired of hiding behind my phone at parties, tired of thinking every little thing I say or do is wrong. I just wanna be able to exist without feeling like I need to be better all the time. But idk, maybe some people just born with confidence and some of us just gotta fake it forever.

i don’t even know where to start honestly, everything just feels so confusing lately. me and my boyfriend been together for like 2 years now and it’s not like we been perfect, every couple fights sometimes right? but still, we always managed to work it out, always found our way back to eachother. until now. it’s like a switch flipped. he used to text me good morning every day without fail, he used to call me just to hear my voice, he used to actually listen when i talked about my day. and now... nothing. it started with little things, like takin longer to reply, cancellin plans last minute, saying he’s "busy" but not really explaining why. and i tried to be chill about it at first cuz i know people got stuff goin on, i didnt wanna be that clingy girlfriend always askin for attention. but it kept happening, and now it’s like i’m talking to a wall. sometimes i send him a message and he don’t even open it until hours later, sometimes not even til the next day. when i call, half the time he dont answer. when i do see him, he’s distracted, always on his phone or just... somewhere else in his head. i asked him straight up what’s goin on and he just says "i’m fine" or "i’m tired" like that explains everything. but it doesn’t. i’m not stupid, i can feel the distance between us growing and it’s killing me inside not knowing why.

it’s messin with my head real bad too, like i’m overthinking everything now. did i do something wrong? am i not enough anymore? is there someone else? i replay convos in my head, reread texts lookin for clues, but there’s nothing clear. just this awful silence. and the worst part is that i still love him so much. i still wanna fight for us but it’s hard when it feels like i’m the only one even tryin. i miss him so bad it hurts, i miss laughin together, the way he used to look at me like i was his whole world. now sometimes when he looks at me it’s like he’s lookin through me. nd i hate that i’m turning into this sad, desperate version of myself, always waitin for him to text, hopin he’ll finally act like he cares again. my friends tell me i deserve better, that i should just walk away, but it’s not that easy. he’s part of my life, part of my plans, part of my heart. and the idea of losing him, after everything we been through, feels like i’m losing a piece of myself too. but how long can i keep hangin on to someone who’s not even reaching back for me? how many more nights am i supposed to cry myself to sleep wonderin why my boyfriend ignores me like i don’t even matter anymore? i just want answers, i just want to know if we still have a chance or if i’m just clingin to memories of someone who’s already gone. i dont kno what to do, all i know is that this hurts more than i ever thought it would.

growing up in a very religious family, I've always been taught certain absolutes about what is right and wrong. these beliefs have shaped much of who I am today. but at 23, as a guy without a girlfriend and a level of shyness that could win awards, I sometimes find myself seeking solace and, dare I say, curiosity-driven exploration in places that might be frowned upon by my family: porn. and it brings me to the question that's been gnawing at the back of my mind — is it normal to indulge in this digital world of fantasies?

I mean, don't get me wrong. it's not like I'm spending every waking moment glued to my screen, but occasionally, when my confidence hits rock bottom, or the loneliness starts creeping in for the night, I find myself clicking on these explicit videos. as someone who's always struggled to talk to women, let alone date one, it's like my mind is trying to experience something through the lens of another world where anxiety doesn't exist. i'd often sit back, thinking if this habit was a way to fill the void of interactions I long for. i read somewhere that watching porn might be a substitute for real relationships, but is it really?

sometimes, at midnight, after another epic fail trying to chat up a girl in a local coffee shop or bookstore (where, for some reason, I think I'll bump into someone who shares my obscure love for vintage comics), I'd ponder if my upbringing has something to do with my romantic bumbling. as somebody who hails from a community where discussions about sexual desires are as welcome as vegan steak at a barbecue, these threads draw me in like a moth to a flame. wondering if my curiosity is misplaced or if I'm just a typical guy trying to navigate life's labyrinthine web, I sometimes wonder if there might even be others out there, equally tangled in this dilemma;

people say porn desensitizes, warps ideas, and is detrimental to real-life relationships. yet, what confuses me is hearing some friends treating it like it's part of their everyday routine. "it’s just a phase," they say. "everyone does it." but, does everyone really? maybe it's merely their casual approach or the false courage digital anonymity brings. every time I consider their words, I wonder if my consumption is any different from the next guy’s video game obsession—just less socially acceptable.

in these quiet, introspective moments, there's almost a sense of solidarity I feel with others who might be questioning the same things. isn't questioning oneself a path to self-discovery, after all? I hope anyone reading this might offer insight or reassurance; not to validate my actions, per se, but to join me in unraveling this conundrum. even if that means admitting that yes, perhaps, I'm just part of this vast, modern-day paradox. so, is it normal to watch porn? or am I just trying to find normalcy in an action my upbringing condemns? does anyone else ever feel this strange cocktail of curiosity, guilt, and anonymity? 🤔

I’m a reallyyyy shallow person I feel like my feelings are fake and I know on some level that’s impossible but I always have no idea what is foing on with me and I’m scared to say anything about it aloud. Not because I think I have to deal with it alone but because it’s fickle and it’s gross I don’t like it I really don’t understand it.

I swear I can feel my forehead. and my head gets stuck in these hell spells where there is a thought that physically weighs on my brain it hurts and it won’t stop till it drills me into accepting or complying to its will even if I don’t agree with it. there is something swimming in my head it drives me crazy . As much as I joke about my forgetfulness forgetting so much is fucking awful bc, again, you know this, I know this, but it keeps happening anyway with any problem I have, I’ll lose my train of thought or I’ll forget details of how a situation played out in about a day. I’ll know on a surface level what happened but it’s like killll meee I can’t even be miserable without my dumbass intervening somehow

Dude I cant see anything that happens to me as bad afterwards it’s like ‘wow… that’s an event.’ but when people confirm so its like holy whiplash I wanna take back anything I said so fast because everything’s fine, it genuinely is sometimes but it’s not at the same time

Because if i stop thinking about it it’s gone and if i wear someone else’s skin, even just for a while, i won’t have that problem in the first place

I’m in this cycle where I hate living like this I hate me I hate everything, then it’s all perfect and I wonder why I had ever thought this way until it comes right back again. I cant do this anymore I swear it hurts too much this is killing me it is going to kill me one day

I wrote this slop sometime last night im fine again. it’s not explained well but I know it will only keep coming back (this is happening so often in the span of a week), any opinion appreciated im just lost. does anybody feel the same? does anybody know what is happening? does anybody know how to make it stop?

i feel so upset in life, i feel like things at the moment aren't going as plan, i cant be with the person I want t,. I have lost her. I feel very misunderstood at work that i had a mental breakdown on the way home. Lately I've been feeling very unwanted, I wonder if it'll be like this everyday. At times i wish maybe if i wasn't born i wouldn't have to live through this phase of negatively, and unfairness. I feel like im holding myself by a thread, i wonder how long ill keep this for i really hope i have the mental strength because i don't feel like continuing anymore. I wonder if being nice and very respectful is a bad thing now a days, i feel like because of that i have very much suffered from it. i feel used, mistreated, i pray and hope god takes me into a better path. : (

I have quite the temper and I get mad at the slightest provocation okay, and everyone in my family knows that.

They love to get on my nerves and when I get mad they would say stuff like why would you fall for it, and why are you like this. Basically questioning my reaction.

I've failed to take my motorcycle license 3 times if I'm not wrong. The first time I failed I've only driven a motorcycle three times. She rushed me to take the test because my cousin was ready to take it. We took it together. My cousin already knew how to ride long before me and I learned on the first day. When I failed and he passed my mom wouldn't talk to me. same as the other 2 failure.

I didn't want to continue because it's a waste of money if I keep failing. Now she wants me to take a car license and I don't want to. Everyone kept on making fun of me and said stuff that offended me. I got mad and didn't want to talk back because I didn't want to scream and shout like I did before. (I'm on a journey to change) Now I would isolate myself from others when I'm mad to cool myself down. But they don't like that either sheesh.

After that I was brushing my teeth in the kitchen and my sister asked me to move because she needed something from the rack above the sink. I did then she went away so I continued to brush my teeth and suddenly she shoved my face with her arm. I asked what her problem was and she just said I told you to move.

okay at that point I was already overstimulated with all the things going on and she just had to make it worse. and I'm on the verge of just lashing out at everybody. Please I need advice on anything that I can do to keep a calm composure

I feel like everything's in my hands again. According to studies I've done that explain how a girl and I operate, we've formed a group, thanks to previous groups. We collude based on these. Without going into too much scientific detail, I observe that the therapists or anyone around me has the ability to help me express the issue and thus discern details. I have to do everything on my own and through means that said environment includes us.

They come across as extremely obtuse people, based on prejudices. It's clear that when faced with new topics that also require their development, they don't give them any dedication. I don't want to imagine what that girl's environment must be like, or the things she'll say about us, trying to reconcile with it to avoid problems, surely bordering on the fact that this phenomenon that encompasses us is nonexistent or some kind of madness typical of a psychiatric hospital. At least in this situation, I can count on psychotherapists, many of whom dare to be our guide in relationships and, as a result, make us act on them. They, like my circle of friends, and most likely hers, talk about groups based on stereotypes without falling into the abstract realm, simply to fulfill said stereotypes, or profiles. But the fact is that they tend to assume concepts through scenarios associated with them without revising the definition, which could precisely point to other scenarios in which the same definitions apply. This becomes a headache for me because this issue with the girl is something I would like to talk to someone about, consistently and deeply, dedicating the necessary time to it, precisely to be able to discern what it is about between us and be able to act responsibly.

The attitudes people tend to resort to are that, due to their lack of appreciation for the details of the relationship—something that, in fact, only I can do—they simply, going a bit further than therapists, lead me to adopt evasive behaviors, leading to escalating conflicts with this person, and I'm not as fair to them as I am to them. In this sense, it seems that my environment is causing instability in my relationship, rather than guaranteeing its stability. Of course, I observe that they rely on the relationships I have with them to remain where they are, preventing this particular development that I'm experiencing right now. Keeping quiet will only keep this there, and it manifests itself in other ways, and frankly, they prefer to talk about it. I feel completely abandoned by those around me in the midst of these circumstances; I don't know how the girls will experience it, with their surroundings completely absent from the matter. Perhaps they will resort to avoidance, but the idea is not to fall into that same game.

It's exhausting to be alone and under pressure, because the fact that I have to keep quiet about it in my surroundings makes it a burden, a difficulty for me to interact with them thanks to their reactionary nature. It's a self-centered way of thinking; in other words, they're not considering my particular circumstances. All they say is that they can't handle me, and they want to deny it through my time with them and some communications, as is often the case. All under a sad desire to avoid feeling guilty. Furthermore, I feel invisible. How is it possible that no one has stopped to notice my expressions of feeling suffocated? Of not being able to say anything? People will say that the doors are open, but that only underscores this self-centeredness, an evasive approach consisting of only observing those things that favor their status of being okay with me when that's not the case.

The worst part is that all of this, everything I've written, I express to people who are strangers, because for them, it would be impossible, as it would reveal exactly what they don't want to see. This speaks to the fact that they aren't paying attention to my relationship with me in any way. The details they shed light on are ignored; it's like not being in it. I feel like no one has the capacity to support me in this, that they've left me alone and won't do anything to fix it, all because they want to stay in their own life, which they consider good in and of itself and don't have to change it, in their opinion. In fact, no one is interested in being with me through thick and thin, in this environment I've been thrust into.

I don't know how she's taking it; however, I only see difficulties, not for anything else, but for not knowing what to do in an environment that isn't collaborative, beyond perhaps going with the flow. In the midst of it all, I feel like I'm the only one capable of doing something for this relationship, for it to stay afloat, because, unlike many people, I dedicate myself to this, going against the grain of others. For her part, I'm far from such dedication, at least with specialized knowledge, because in her environment, she doesn't need it; she only knows that this is the case It affects her, and I do things that make things work, purely as a result of that dedication. Furthermore, I highly doubt that her environment would encourage her to support that dedication, given the fact that she's deeply embedded in it. For my part, I've managed to isolate myself as much as possible.

It's unpleasant to know that you're the only one who can do something about it and that nothing, absolutely nothing, is in your favor. The environment I'm in doesn't favor an individual modus operandi, but rather one that's simply standard. In fact, in my lifetime, I don't know of an environment that doesn't do this, and that's the one she's in, and it doesn't favor her. Wishing to count on her would be the same as counting on someone who pushes against me to learn; in other words, it would be an added burden. Being at a distance is how she can truly support me, unlike others who aren't and only feel like they're taking time away from my life, because they don't allow me to express myself as I am. I always have to be very measured so as not to trigger prejudices, and they harm me. I feel that's why I'm very reserved, and at the same time, it makes me understand why I tend to be somewhat popular.

I wish I had some kind of magic wand or magic powder, without referring to drugs or anything like that, that would make this whole journey end. It's like feeling a cross on top of me, and with others under social pressure, always supported by my feelings, and being able to reach points where people can take advantage, given that this occupies a busy part of my life. I wish things were easier, even through stories, poems, or some of those texts. I feel able to express myself to her because of the censorship on social media, which also seems completely excessive and without any consideration, constituting simple flaws of the platform. In part, sometimes I wish none of this was happening, or that I had never met her, however, not because of her, but because of the environment that surrounds me. I insist, she's doing well from a distance, since she doesn't carry weight; those who are part of it are very helpful; they can't do anything and therefore keep their distance. I'm talking about being part of it because there's a group among us, and that doesn't just go away.