Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Every time my brother and father are left to do things they always do the worst possible things, just today my brother decided to coax my dad into buying a car he can't afford (even with monthly payments) because my brother wanted to co-sign on it, and they keep doing more and more stupid things and it just makes me angry, especially since they're way older then me so I'd expect more from them, though I guess that's stupid to expect.

I literally so f****** overwhelmed like I bit my hand and it started to bruise so I don't know how I'm going to cover that up and then my brother is a so incompetent because whenever we have to go to the field because I have to choreograph and I can't choreograph at home because I can't tumble at home so we have to go out to this football field so I can do it without hurting myself it's always my car doesn't have enough gas my step mom just quit her job so her car is free so I just got off the phone with him he's like well my check engine light just came on and I'm like well Miss Jasmine still there because she quit her job so ask her if we can use her car cuz she's most likely going to say yes so he's like oh I don't know cuz I have to ask her I'm like then ask her and mind you he's 18 acting like he's a freaking 14 year old I'm going to be 14 soon and I'm acting more return than he is he needs to grow up he's not done with school he hasn't even started applying to call it is he doesn't have a job I have a job I am almost at school I should be done in April and she already going to high school like he needs to get his act together and you know what I'm talking really bad about him and I love him he's a great brother but it's just sometimes he like pushes my buttons and I babysit my sister and she don't want to be a girl and so a lot of the time she's also pushing my buttons and I can't deal with it like I was literally thinking about banging my head against the wall and that's the way that I hurt myself like it's a form of self harm so but I have I had to stop myself and like I was getting so overwhelmed and then whenever I try to tell someone that I'm over one they told me that it's not that important so like I have no one to talk to I have no friends I don't have a boyfriend I don't have anything so like I'm just over here struggling by myself whatever my parents say your feelings are important I want to f****** laugh in their faces because we both know that you don't really truly think that you're saying that because it looks better than saying don't tell me you're feelings because true you're not going to care about them and when you do care about them your lecturing me about how I should feel instead of saying the way you're feeling right now is valid but I'm going to explain the situation to you tell me you understand it a bit better and maybe that can help change your feelings on this and help you feel better about them I don't know if this even makes sense I am ranting I'm like actually shaking with how upset and overstimulated I am right now but it's whatever that's it bye

sincerely,

Melody

Entertaining family and friends has always been a passion of mine, especially for festive occasions and birthdays. I am generally the mastermind behind the lavish Christmas gatherings and often the host for various birthdays at my place. I put a lot of effort into crafting a delectable menu, cooking everything from scratch, and ensuring the space is beautifully decorated. Since embracing the role of host a few years back, I added touches like Secret Santa for Christmas and sometimes organize games or karaoke depending on the event.

Prior to this change, our family gatherings were quite modest—just a simple meal that might include a barbecue, ordering pizzas, or enjoying traditional dishes and a store-bought cake for dessert. These gatherings were very straightforward: come over, eat, and then head home. There wasn't anything particularly wrong with that but having a deep affection for Christmas, about four years ago, I volunteered to host and decided to elevate the entire experience. Everyone was impressed and they showered me with compliments. Over time, my culinary and event planning skills have significantly improved, and I take great pride in the lively and memorable events I create. Soon, my relatives began to request that I host their birthday parties as their gift, which I gladly embraced. It’s worth noting that my immediate family includes around 9 or 10 people, making these gatherings manageable and not overly costly.

Now for the recent problem. During the latest events, such as the previous Christmas, and the birthdays of my mom, uncle, aunt, and my husband, I've noticed an unpleasant change in attitude among the guests.

For instance, I sent out detailed invitations indicating that the parties would start at 3:30 pm. However, some family members would arrive at noon, questioning why I wasn’t prepared. At my husband's birthday, they noticed that I was still setting up decorations and complained about the absence of food (despite being informed that it was an early dinner). They implored me to stop decorating and start cooking as they were hungry, which I found quite rude.

Ultimately, everyone started to meddle, eating snacks and rushing me to adjust everything to suit their preference, which ultimately dismantled my original plan for the event. The party did not unfold as envisioned, and after hastily preparing the food, several guests departed immediately after eating, leaving just six of us to continue the evening.

This pattern was repeated at other celebrations: arriving too early, criticizing my readiness, eating, then leaving.

This brings me to a recent conversation with my mom, who inquired about my plans for this year's Christmas. I responded that I wasn't planning anything due to their last display of ingratitude and my decision to step back, which sparked an argument. She accused me of being unable to "take a joke" and advised that I should "learn to accept help and adapt to our family's way."

The conversation was unresolved but left me questioning whether I was reasonable in my feelings. My husband supports me, but I'm curious about impartial perspectives...

Imagine if my situation were part of a reality show—how dramatic and revealing that episode could be! The cameras capturing every early guest, every complaint, and my frustrated attempts to meet unforeseen demands. It could really offer a unique perspective on boundary setting and familial relationships in high-pressure situations.

Are my expectations for family gatherings unreasonable?

I graduated college today but instead of being happy, I feel sad. :<

I feel like I don't like this new family I have. The term "family" and not being a family but rather a group of strangers, disconnected, are the same thing. It can't be that the term "family" meant the union of individuals where each one is in their own world and barely concerned about the other. It can't be that that was family for me. It can't be.

I came to consider family a group of individuals who had a vaguely close connection with me and with each other, practically only organizationally and moderately. I feel like I called them family, and I find it shameful. If I had told them we were family, they would surely have called me insane or something like that or demanded that I report this to a psychiatrist in some way. It can't be.

What I considered "family" was the height of remoteness from what we could consider a union of loved ones. In what was my biological family, we established our family through violence; that was the denial of our distance. We were all complete strangers to each other. What the hell were we doing living among strangers? No wonder we knew how to navigate the streets so easily, because after all, we didn't differentiate between the street and our homes. The streets seemed simpler, and that's why we were somewhat more adept at socializing there. However, there was always a strange quality about us.

It can't be that my family was a gathering of complete strangers where there was no love, sex only served to speed things up. I mean, what kind of family do I come from, for God's sake? Anyone who knows me with this story runs away because of the consequences it might have on me—something that apparently surprises one of the doctors who examined me because I didn't react the same way. I feel like it can't be that I came from an environment where there was no affection, no evidence of organization, but quite the opposite, and that everything that contradicted us as a family was precisely what we considered family. But what kind of world did we live in, for God's sake?

Did no one notice the friction we had with everyone else? Why were we always ostracized? Did no one question why people treated us the way they did? What kind of world did we live in? We were completely isolated from others, at the mercy of our prejudices, with no one daring to go beyond them, except me. In fact, my psychotherapist saw me as the only opportunity to break out. No one questioned why people acted the way they did toward us, what it was about us that made that happen, why we treated other people the way we did, if it even existed. The theory that we had come to Earth to suffer seemed ridiculous to me and was implicit in the family narrative.

I insist: What kind of thing did we have at home, for God's sake? We had nothing healthy. We couldn't go outside. Prejudices blinded us at all costs. We lived to survive in society at the expense of irrational fears. Our anxieties isolated us, and we believed them to be true. In fact, no one noticed that even among ourselves, we acted out exaggerated dramas. It can't be that we can only be among ourselves and that the people who touch us are violent, humiliating people—in other words, family members of the same ilk as us, where emotion blinds, and there's no balance at all with reason.

How hard was it for me to see this reality? I realized this was happening five years ago, and precisely because I saw a pattern among the girls I was looking for that was repeated, and people said it was a matter of letting it go. Everyone told me I was exaggerating; however, I had managed to be precise; I had found the point that would help me escape such situations. How many of my family members are still trapped in a strange, out-of-this-world world? For God's sake, I prefer to be with lucid people, given that these blind, blind people purposefully run over others. I was simply overrun with them. And the worst part is that this gang of beings lived off wanting me to be like them at all costs. That was their philosophy, because that way I would be safe, better, under their support, as if they were the perpetual caretakers. These beings are very adept at taking advantage of others' prejudices and social profiles. However, I always knew there was a way to bring them down, as I did.

How far would I go with these beings, for God's sake, if I didn't realize things? What kind of partner would I get to put a stop to this? What escalations of violence would I go to? And my parents despised psychoanalysis, psychology, and all that. It's something that fills me, it angers me, because they wanted to serve as an obstacle to me going out into the world and seeing them from there. Even my mother, quite bluntly, expressed this to me. They tried to hide this truth from me for their own innocence Conscience, and that's something that bothers me a lot.

How much did I suffer being part of this? When did I suffer living within this family's standards? It was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. Furthermore, outsiders took advantage of the weakness they had implicated me in thanks to my rebelliousness as a child, which always persisted given that it made my father realize several things, made me have values, a series of things that he later betrayed. But thanks to him betraying his spirit under the influence of my mother, I didn't want to end up like him. That's why I am where I am today; something I know thanks to this writing.

How many times did they not want to stop me from writing? Stop me from researching? Even my psychologist served as an obstacle. Why did my own psychologist serve as an obstacle? The same people, my friends, everyone. I discovered that they were all made up of dysfunctional families, and no one had even realized this. I was alone in such a situation. In such an endeavor. Who supported me? Not even the girl I identified with at the time wanted to support me. It was all about staying with the family when I was going in the opposite direction. It was pesos, after pesos, after pesos. Even at my workplace, they tried to exploit that story, even at a university, but frankly, I made them pay by making them see the reflection of their actions before the law, which was quick to issue its immediate protection. I don't understand how there can be people who believe I'm going to treat them as family or something like that, something I didn't do internally, with my real family members, when I'm not going to do it. In fact, given the simple fact of abusing it, it already implies acting with restraint but without harming, given that it would be an extra effort that will be costly for my family member.

This society almost buried me with my family! Almost! And my family and my surroundings support me! But I didn't allow it. For some time now, I've been looking for tools to support myself by any means necessary. I wasn't going to allow myself to go under the sad fate that awaited me, where I even saw my own death. I deserved to live, I deserved to live what I loved, not at the expense of weight, of a darkness imposed on me by my family, under a clear deception that was the murderer in my life. I deserved a better life. That's why I fought so hard.

For God's sake, how much abuse did I endure because of my family's imposed interests? How much rudeness? How much mistreatment for not being well-educated, and which people responded with simply hidden and undisputed retaliation? How many moments of horrific loneliness? How many times did I need someone to be with me? How many games did my mind not play to survive? How many mechanisms did my psyche not use to move forward? How much writing? How much speaking into a microphone? How many walks? How many strange exercises? How many eccentric creative endeavors? How many betrayals? How many disappointments? I just wanted to stop once and for all. I wanted this journey to finally end. Besides, nothing's worse than getting used to being with your family and then being without them and still having all that weight on your shoulders.

After completing my master’s degree and securing a promising career, I’ve come to a challenging crossroad involving my family. Throughout my educational journey, my parents didn't offer financial support. Despite living a lifestyle filled with vacations, new vehicles, and home upgrades, they insisted if I wanted higher education, the financial responsibility was entirely mine. This stance forced me to balance part-time work with student loans to afford my studies.

Years have passed, and now as retirement looms, my parents expect financial support from me due to their inadequate savings. Recently, my patience wore thin, and during a heated conversation, I expressed my frustration. I reminded them of their financial decisions during my struggles with education and told them they should have planned better for their retirement instead of indulging in luxuries. I made it clear that I am not their financial backup plan and that they need to sort out their retirement issues as I had to with my education.

My confrontation left my mom in tears; she claimed they had sacrificed a lot during my childhood, and now it seemed like I was abandoning them. My dad labeled me ungrateful and selfish, throwing in the guilt-laden reminder of their 18 years of upbringing. My siblings have joined the fray, labeling me heartless for not aiding our parents, pointing out that I am better off financially compared to them. Regardless, I feel that they need to face the consequences of their choices.

The situation escalated further when I declared I wouldn’t provide care for them in their old age, regardless of their financial or health status in the future. This stance has shocked my siblings, with some arguing that it’s too harsh, but I am resolved to maintain my decision.

Considering if my story were to unfold on a reality TV show, the viewer's reaction could be intensely polarized. Some might view me as cold and unforgiving, while others could see me as a symbol of tough love and personal boundaries. Reality TV thrives on conflict and dramatic emotional exchanges, so such a storyline might draw a considerable amount of attention and debate among viewers, potentially making it a central theme of the show.

Am I wrong for denying my parents financial support for their retirement?

I just turned 18 and graduated high school last year and if I'm being honest about everything, I genuinely cannot see myself passing the age of 20. I still feel like I'm 12 years old about to start high school, I genuinely have nothing going for me in life, I have no friends; the ones I do have live in different states and are with their significant others, which is something I don't have. I feel like a burden for my family and they all have jobs and expect me to get one or start doing something with my life.

What can I do to change the way I feel?

To those of you who told me I was overreacting about Trump, go read the EOs, also I got attacked just trying to buy groceries again. Just. Buying. Groceries. On top of that, my state just removed my protections and rights under the Civil Rights Act (intersex and trans- any fellow transfolk reading this, don't forget intersex people. Cis and trans. We're in just as much danger, being targeted just as much, include us in the resistance), so if that attack had resulted in severe bodily injury?

I've been trying to get help for awhile, years for many things not even just related to this (I have a lot going on- some of which I've shared in previous posts. Mainly my first one here), but no one wants to help me. I finally got ONE aid organization to, but they've gone radio silent after this development.

I guess I just need to not be alone, someone to tell me it's okay or to recommend me feasible help in my situation, just "fight or flee" won't help me. I'm disabled, chronically ill, poor and a trauma survivor otherwise. In hiding trying to escape DV that I only managed to get away from at age 22. It was my father, I'm so behind in life, and now I don't even get to live at all it feels like.

Before you're tempted to say I'm overreacting, put yourself in my shoes, then just ignore my post if you still feel like you can say it. Pretend I don't exist, but I also recommend you read the First They Came poem.

I didn't know which tag to use for this, sorry.

atp im thinking that i dont deserve to have my own best friend so im planning to live alone (?) by next year. i mean..i do live with my parents but im not gonna hangout anymore. does anyone here can give me tips to be happy and feel contented even you're alone? id appreciate if you can give some so i can prepare for next year! 🥹

ok whatever im just gonna say it bc it’s eating me alive

there’s this new girl in our class and idk what it is about her but she just walked in and everything shifted like she doesn’t even do anything she’s just THERE and everyone likes her. like for no reason. like she breathes and people are like omg she’s so cool. why. idk. she’s just that type

and ofc my crush who ive liked since like forever is now dating her bc of course he is. he used to talk to me a lot and now he’s always around her like following her around and laughing at everything she says and they have this whole thing now and i just sit there like 🙂👍

and the teachers too. they used to come to me for everything. all the responsibility stuff. like being class rep, helping plan things, helping other students. now they go to her. suddenly she’s the one everyone depends on and listens to and im just here like a background character in my own class. it’s like no one even noticed the switch. not even me. it just… happened

but here’s the worst part i CANT even be mad at her. bc she’s actually really really nice. like painfully nice. i was crying in the bathroom once and she literally waited outside until i came out and then she just hugged me and didn’t even ask anything. another time i didn’t have pads and she just handed me one silently like she knew without me saying a word. and when i skipped school she gave me these notes that were like?? perfect??? she literally wrote them in different colours and put small tips on the side and was like “tell me if anything doesn’t make sense”

she helped one of my friends through a breakup, helped another study for a test they were failing, she even gave her umbrella to someone last week when it rained and walked home soaked and didn’t even mention it again

everyone loves her and i get it. i really do. i love her too in the weirdest way like i want to be mad but she’s just so genuinely kind and i feel horrible for feeling this way but i do. i feel like im being erased. like everything i used to be good at is hers now. people used to come to me. now they don’t even look twice.

i was top of the class. she is now.

i used to be the one who helped. she is now.

and maybe it’s not her fault. maybe it’s mine. maybe i got too comfortable or too tired or too slow or idk. i just feel like i’m disappearing a bit more every day and nobody notices. not even me. until now.

but i swear to god im not gonna keep sitting here crying about it and pretending im fine. i’m done being quiet. done being small. i don’t hate her. but im not gonna let her take everything from me just bc i was too afraid to speak up

im coming back. slowly or loudly idk yet. but i am.

that’s it. idk why i wrote this here. just needed to say it somewhere.

recently i learnt how lonely i am when so many people have friend groups where they hangout where they can be themself i also wanted that but i have got it but no one tells me any thing recently my entire friend group left our group chat leaving me behind and no one is ready to tell me anything i feel betrayed because i may i have not been active in the friend group that often but i feel so angry i ask me friend about it he said "leave it nothing" it gives me trauma and a feeling that im not part of the friend group anymore the same happens to me often where i want to join a group but every time i join i feel like an outcast or just a person who covers an empty space i dont feel i know it

its like no one understands me or my struggles. sounds like im a pick me but its true. ive got no one to talk to, to trust. everyone would tell the nearest asshole about how "emo" i am for my struggles. my country does not take self harm well. youd get called out in your schools hallways or get called emo constantly. most adult tell you youre seeking attention and ignore your struggles. i constantly self harm. it calms me down seeing the blood drip from my arms. i have always loved blood, i dont know why. ive always intentionally made myself bleed to drink it. or just to look at it. maybe its cause my experience with hostpitals from a young age. my sister got terminally sick when i was 5. i was in and out of school to visit her. she went to hostpitals all over the country. my family once forgot me in a hostpital. but ive been there so much that i practically knew my way around. nurses were always sweet and kind. always had a look of pity because of my sister. they knew she would never make it. maybe people would understand a litle if they knew my whole story. but no one ever looks at the big picture. they just look at the ugly parts AND THEN HAVE THE AUDACITY TO JUDGE YOU. i hate people, idc if this gets rejected atleast someone read it if it did.

For background information Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 months, he’s the sweetest ,most caring,loving man. He never yells and is the first one to say sorry. He’s everything I’ve needed but he messed up in the first weeks we were together. ( something to do with a female best friend ) but he stopped being friends with her before we were “official.” It’s me self sabotaging, wanting to hold onto anything bad he’s ever done. Why can’t I let things go? I love him and this is the first man I knew would be the best husband. I don’t deserve his love. He doesn’t deserve to be treated the way I treat him. I’m always switching emotions or being cold towards him if I’m slightly annoyed. I know people say to change for him but it’s not that easy. I’ve been this way in every relationship. This is the LEAST toxic relationship I’ve ever been in. Now the problem is just me. I don’t even know where to start. I feel I’m too damaged to be with him. Every time I try to leave he begs me to stay. He doesn’t deserve that. I want to be enough for him but atp I don’t think I even deserve it. Sometimes I wish he would just see how terrible of a person I am and leave. I hate hurting him. I hate knowing it’s me who’s the reason for the sadness behind his eyes. Idk what to do. He won’t let me leave and I don’t think I’m good enough for him.

Sorry in advance for my bad English

People often told me that they wished they had my parents because im allowed to do so much stuff but in reality, im not that happy with my family at all. If I were to make a top ten of things that make me happy, my family would be at the bottom.

Sure, they buy me stuff, are kind of supportive in my choices but I don’t feel safe or comfortable enough to be myself. I hide clothes I know they’ll judge me on, don’t show them the stuff I make or things I’m passionate about because i know they’ll laugh at me or judge me for it.

For example, I recently went to a concert and had a very beautiful outfit. I was too scared to show them so I didn’t until he got home from the concert and their reaction was just like expected. They told me it was lame, that I looked ridiculous while all I wore was a dress with some tights and a headband. I didn’t get it. I missed the fun I had at the concert and my friends and it instantly ruined my mood. I cried after that.

At school, I can be myself. I show my friends all I’m passionate about and I don’t feel pressured to hide things. My teachers are very nice, I tell them a lot too but when I get home, I want to go away again. I didn’t wish I lived another life, I just wished I had another family.

And please don’t tell me that they’re just trying.. that parents get tired too or get angry sometimes too because it’s not sometimes it’s everyday and it makes me tired and sad. I don’t remember a day where I felt genuinely happy to be home.

My mom recently told me to “save myself” and get out of my relationship — essentially, to run. Ever since, I can’t stop thinking about it.

My partner and I have been together for just over 4 years. He proposed about a year ago. We’ve had highs and lows, but now I’m wondering if the bad outweighs the good.

He has long-standing mental health struggles: specifically, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Complex PTSD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. He’s been slowly learning to manage them better. And to be clear, I don’t think mental illness excuses poor behavior, but I do believe it adds context.

I also have my own issues — I have an anxious attachment style, and while I’ve never been formally diagnosed with anything else, I know I carry some of my own trauma.

My mom knows about some of the incidents we’ve gone through. Sometimes, when he’s triggered or overwhelmed, he shifts into a cold, mean, and distant version of himself. He feels like a different person — which makes sense, given the DID. I try my best to support him and stay patient, but when these episodes last for days, it really affects me. I stop feeling loved or even seen.

He also sometimes talks to new people — sometimes romantically, sometimes not. We’ve had an open relationship on and off because his personality changes have made consistent boundaries complicated. But it’s hard not to feel insecure or like I’m being replaced, even though he says he loves me deeply and always will.

When he shuts down, he leaves. He won’t respond to texts or calls for hours or whole evenings. During the worst of these, I’ve called my mom in tears. Once, I asked him about someone he was messaging, and he exploded. He called me stupid, said I wasn’t “evolved enough” for him, and that he needed someone who trusts and motivates him. That crushed me — I was only asking for reassurance.

After these moments, he usually comes back, apologizes, and says he’s working on changing. He’s loving again, and we go back to “normal.” But it’s a cycle. The dark side always returns.

My mom thinks this is manipulation. She says he’s using me — I pay for most of our life right now, since he’s in school. She believes he apologizes just enough to keep me around because I support him financially and emotionally. She hasn’t seen the best parts of him… but she also hasn’t seen the worst. And if she knew everything, I think she’d try to physically get me out of here.

So now I’m left wondering:

• Is he being emotionally manipulative and possibly abusive?

• Or is this just a deeply broken person doing his best and deserving patience?

• Is my mom being overprotective, or is she seeing something I’ve been too close to recognize?

I’m stuck between wanting to support the person I love and wondering if staying means abandoning myself. What would you do?