Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Before the pandemic, me and a few of my friends, including Zach and Mia, pooled our savings to launch a food truck business. We were all pretty excited, dropping around $5,000 each to get started. However, just as we were picking up steam, COVID-19 reared its ugly head, and our sales flatlined. Our locality was not into delivery services back then, and we struggled to keep the lights on, metaphorisch speaking.

With heavy hearts, our group—which was quite close-knit back then—convened to weigh our options. In the end, we agreed that selling the food truck, which by then was already decked out with our branding but looking a bit worn, wouldn't fetch us much. We were getting some pretty dismal offers for it, mere pennies on the dollar.

Despite having other jobs, we decided to hold onto the truck. Even though the potential $1,000 to $1,500 each from selling the truck might seem substantial, it wasn't a break-the-bank kind of loss for us given our other income sources. Eventually, a few of our group opted out, disheartened by the flop of what was once a shared dream. Their departure was so poignant; they cut off contact, leaving behind not just the business but our shared pastimes and jokes in our group chat, which went silent.

Fast forward to mid-2022, a subset of the original investors, myself included, decided to reignite the food truck venture. This time around, the dynamics in our area had shifted—people embraced delivery services, and the occasional event boosted our visibility. We approached Zach, Mia, and the other person who'd left, offering them a chance to rejoin. They all passed, having moved on to different things.

Our rebooted venture required minimal additional investment and actually began turning a noticeable profit. We even hired some staff to manage the daily operations as most of us were tied up with our day jobs; one even committed full time to managing our burgeoning business.

Surprisingly, last month, Zach and Mia reached out after years of silence. They demanded a cut of the company's ownership and profits—around 12.5% each—citing their initial investments. This felt unreasonable to us who had persisted through the tough times without their involvement or support. We thought reimbursing their initial $5,000 investment was fair, especially considering they would have pocketed much less had we offloaded the truck when the pandemic struck.

I know some might urge us to check the legalities, but honestly, when we restarted, we only formalized things among those of us actively involved. Neither Zach nor Mia were part of this new legal entity.

Picture if this were a reality show, the tension and drama around this financial dispute could be show-stopping! Conversations could become heated, accusations might fly, and viewers would be at the edge of their seats, wondering if friendships can withstand the strains of money issues. It'd be an emotional rollercoer, playing out in front of a live audience craving real-world conflicts and resolutions.

Given these circumstances, am I being unreasonable here?

man, i swear, i cant do this anymore, i feel like im just existing and nothing matters, like no matter what i do, its just the same thing every day, wake up, feel like shit, go to work, pretend im fine, come home, sit in my room overthinking everything, then go to sleep just to do it all over again, like what is even the point, im so tired, like not just sleepy tired but that deep inside tired that dont go away no matter how much i rest, i feel empty, i feel like nobody even notices me, like i could just stop talking and no one would even care, maybe they’d be relieved, maybe im just annoying, maybe im the problem, i try to tell myself its just a bad phase, that ill get over it, but i been saying that for so long now and nothing ever changes, people say "just talk to someone" but what do i even say?? hey, im miserable and i hate my life and i wish everything was different but its not and i have no idea how to fix it?? yeah, sure, that sounds real normal, theyll just tell me to "stay positive" or "it gets better" but how do they know that it gets better when every day just feels worse, i feel like im stuck, like im trapped in this life i dont even wanna live, and i dont see a way out, i see people happy and i wonder how they do it, how they wake up and actually look forward to things, bc for me there is nothing, i dont have friends, i dont have family that cares, i dont have a future that looks anything but miserable, and no matter how much i try to pretend like im okay, im not, and i havent been for a long time, i feel like a failure, like everything i touch falls apart, like no matter how hard i try i always end up back at zero, people say im young and i have time, but what does that even mean?? time for what, more of this, more feeling like i dont belong, more pretending like im fine when im screaming inside, im so exhausted, and i just want it to stop, i dont even know what that means anymore, all i know is i cant take it anymore, i keep thinking maybe something will change, maybe ill wake up one day and things will feel different, but they never do, and im scared they never will, bc honestly, i dont know how much longer i can keep doing this, its like my body keeps going but my mind checked out a long time ago, nothing makes me happy, nothing excites me, i see people making plans for their future and i dont even know if i want a future, bc what if its just more of this, more feeling alone, more failure, more emptiness, i try to distract myself, i try to push it down, but it always comes back, the feeling that im not meant to be here, that maybe i was never supposed to be here, that maybe im just wasting space, and i know, i know, people say "you matter" but do i really?? bc it dont feel like it, and i just dont know what to do anymore.

I recently joined a playgroup that my sister recommended, where parents and their daughters, aged between six and eight, gather to socialize. Although all of us are in our thirties and forties, our financial situations differ significantly. My husband is typically the higher earner among the group, having a demanding job that compensates well. While none of the families seem outwardly distressed about financial matters, there's an unspoken acknowledgment of our varying budgets. No issues had surfaced over the past two years until an incident involving a seemingly innocent purchase of purses.

During one of these gatherings, I noticed that all the little girls, except for my younger daughter, were flaunting new purses. I was conflicted about purchasing one for her since she's slightly younger than the rest, yet I didn't want her to feel excluded. To resolve this, I decided to buy matching designer crossbody bags for both of us. My daughter was thrilled to have a bag just like mine, something that made her incredibly happy without understanding the brand's value.

However, the reaction I received later was unexpected. Once we returned home, I received a flood of messages on our playgroup chat. Apparently, my choice of expensive bags was perceived as a show of wealth, which upset some parents, particularly After one mum revealed her daughter now wanted a similar expensive purse for her upcoming birthday—a request they couldn't afford. My intention was never to make anyone feel less, but it seems I inadvertently did.

Reflecting on this, I can't help but think about the implications of such actions. What if this scenario played out on a reality TV show? One could imagine the drama and the mixed reactions from an audience watching manipulated narratives and competitive parenting unfold, sparking widespread discussion about socioeconomic issues, parenting styles, and the innocence of children caught in adult conflicts.

So, considering all these viewpoints, am I really the one at fault here?

Ummm so i need advise on something my cousin sister who is currently 16 yrs old had a bf in the past but i didn't like him i told her to her face that don't hong out with him i don't like him but soon what happened was her family found out and they freaked out because if you don't know indian families they are not just any asian families where they allow sometimes its like really strict if you get caught it's like you did a crime so they found out and then his bf idk yelled at my cousins dad or hit him so he was sent to boarding school bhut then he returned and i saw him a few days ago and now my sister told me that he told my cousib's little sister if she is not talking to me i will make her by slaping her and now idk what to do i can't just let both of my little sister's in danger and the fact is my cousin's dad is relly innocent he doesn't do fights and stuff and its my mom's side of family and they are calm i think if i tell them that they will just blame my cousin so who should i tell idk tell me plss ??? i can't help but overthink

so, i just started this new job, right? i’m 26, a guy, and was pretty excited at first because i thought it would be a cool opportunity. they talk about "synergy" and "dynamic team environments" and stuff, but honestly, it's just not my vibe. 😩 the onboarding process was like a total brain freeze, like, who thought making me watch 10 hours of training videos was a good idea? 🙄 and the people? well, they seem nice enough but have this weird corporate speak that makes me feel like i’m in a 90s sitcom—everyone is pretending to love their jobs. i mean, why do we have to "circle back" on every little thing? like, can’t we just have a convo without all the jargon? for real, if i hear the term "low-hanging fruit" one more time, i’m gonna lose it. and don’t even get me started on the break room; have you ever seen someone make coffee so tragically bad? it’s like they’re trying to punish us! and then there’s the daily stand-up meetings where we go around and share our "wins" and "challenges" like it’s some motivational seminar or something; i’m just sitting there thinking about how i haven’t even figured out the office printer yet. honestly, it makes me question everything—like, is this what adulting is all about? the projects are monotonous and all they do is pile on the work; at this point, i’m wondering if i should just ghost them and disappear like i was never there. but part of me is like, "what if this is just the phase every job goes through and it gets better?" but does it ever really get better? like, do you all just put up with this stuff or what? should i stick it out a few more weeks? people say it's always tough at the beginning, and i really don’t wanna be the guy that quits on the first round; but then again, my mental health is kinda crucial too. the last thing i want is to end up dreading my mornings and counting the hours till freedom while sitting at my desk like a zombie. does anyone else feel like they’re just running in circles at work? sometimes it just feels like a game and not a very fun one. so, if quitting is on the table, how do you even do that gracefully? i’ve heard horror stories about people just walking out and burning bridges, but i genuinely don’t want to end up being that guy who storms out while flipping off the boss; i just think about long-term consequences, like networking—am i ruining future opportunities? and that’s not my goal at all. during these days, it seems like if you don’t play the game, you’re out. 😬

i guess the conundrum is whether i really want to be part of this ecosystem or if it's just my fear of change and the unknown creeping in. what’s the line between making it work and recognizing when something is just not right for me? i mean, should i really just stick it out to prove a point? they say perseverance is key, but then again, there’s a limit to how much tolerating nonsense one can do. it feels like i’m sitting at this crossroads every single day, stuck in a loop where my brain tells me to adapt and my gut screams to run; i feel like i need a sign or at least a coffee that doesn’t taste like burnt rubber. there’s too much pressure already; we’re already competing with 1000 emails and trying to keep up with KPIs, and why do we even need to quantify every little success? can’t i just do my job without feeling like i need to report every minor achievement? and then it dawns on me, is quitting really an option? i’ve put in minimal emotional investment; what’s the worst that could happen if i just bagged it early? my job satisfaction score is at an all-time low of about one out of five stars and the thought of another day in this mind-numbing cycle is simply tragic; does anyone have any advice? 👀

For context, I am a 7th grade student, just adding this because it adds more depth to the story. In class today, my friend told me when I bent over to see what my friend was doing on her desk which was right next to mine, my friend told me (who was near by my desk and Joeys) a boy behind me (Joey) was staring at me; in the wrong places. I sat back down after my friend said that, kinda disturbed but was paranoid if it really did happen. I stood up again, and did it again just to test the waters which was obviously a bad idea. I think I caught him staring, but I’m not exactly sure. I’m not exactly an attractive girl and this boy is innocent and really stupid (there’s clearly girls in that class which was more attractive than me) which leaves me to doubt what that he did it. You know that thing where you kneel on your chair? My female friend next to me did it and I think he stared again.

It made me feel uncomfortable, but for some reason seriously doubt he did it, am I paranoid?

i am 31 years old, and it seems like I've been wandering aimlessly through life without any real direction or purpose. no impressive qualifications, not a single diploma to my name, and it's like I'm stuck in some endless cycle of being judged inadequate and fired from one dead-end job after another. it's not just a single instance of bad luck either; it's a recurring nightmare, like clockwork, every few weeks. bosses look through me like I'm transparent, colleagues avoid conversation, and I find myself drifting back to the familiar disheartening embrace of unemployment. could it be that I am simply not good at anything?

it's not like I haven't attempted to excel at something. i've tried my hands at various trades, crafts, and roles, but each time, it feels like there's an invisible barrier that stops me from progressing beyond the rudimentary stages. people say practice makes perfect, yet even repeated efforts leave me stranded at mediocrity. it's downright humiliating and demoralizing to constantly fail at every endeavor. do you ever feel like life's a puzzle but you can't find any of the pieces that fit? it's like the world moves forward while i'm firmly anchored in place, unable to keep up, always a step behind the rest.

the social scene fares no better. no friends to lean on or have a beer with after another miserable day fighting the urge to give up. even my family, if you can call them that, are a bunch of self-absorbed nitwits who couldn't care less about my existence. if I dared to confide in them, they'd just wave it off as "my problems" without a shred of empathy or genuine concern. is it too much to ask for a single person who actually gives a damn about what's going on in my life? maybe even a semblance of encouragement every once in a while??? i'm aware i'm not some shining beacon of charisma, but a single friend would really make a world of difference. it's amazing how excruciatingly lonely life can get when you float around like a ghost that nobody notices.

i wonder how some people manage to glide through life so seamlessly when i'm perpetually stuck in a rut. is there some secret hack to success and fulfillment that i'm unaware of? considering the questionable state of my life, it's doubtful. i'm not naive; i know nothing worth having comes easy, but it feels like even when i exert myself, give it my all, I'm always falling short. always a few seconds too late, a dollar short, a skill under-mastered. my brain should be a vault of skills and knowledge by now, yet it seems disappointingly barren, rendering me unfit for anything beyond the bare minimum. sometimes the thought creeps in that maybe i'm just not cut out for this whole 'life' thing.

so here i am, punch-drunk with indecision and paralyzed by the fear of yet another failure. what is a purposeless man supposed to do in this chaotic world? maybe my supposed "indefinable potential" is more like imaginary bullshit i've been fed by well-meaning ignoramuses who refuse to accept some people are simply destined to drift. are dreams just illusions for the delusional, or is it possible there's a corner in this desolate maze where an opportunity might miraculously lie waiting??? i don't even know anymore. life feels like a game with no instructions, and i'm consistently losing. can anyone explain what the hell i'm supposed to do now?

Ok so I’m 15 and my grandmother makes me take a bunch of alternative medicines and vitamins and mainly stuff with ashwagandha in it and since she’s been making me take these things with ashwagandha I’ve had absolutely horrible emotional numbness so much to the point were my childhood cat passed away and the very next day we got another cat I only felt a very small amount of sadness and it was very confusing I thought I was a bad person for not feeling incredibly sad and I just it is so bad I genuinely don’t feel sad or happy or just anything now and I’ve been having very frequent headaches and it sucks but literally just tonight when I saw that my stuff to help me sleep has ashwagandha in it I decided to look it up and wow for the first time in a long time I don’t feel like I’m insane I feel like I’ve lost a couple years of my life but tomorrow I’m going to show my grandma the research I’ve done and tell her I won’t be taking anything with ashwagandha in it anymore. Wish me luck .

I’ll never shake away the pain

I close my eyes, but she’s still there

I let her steal into my melancholy heart

It’s more than I can bear

Now I know she’ll never leave me

Even as she runs away

She will still torment me, calm me, hurt me

Move me, come what may

Wasting in my lonely tower

Waiting by an open door

I’ll fool myself she’ll walk right in

And be with me for evermore

I worked as a pharmacy technician from 2018 to 2025, and for the first couple of years, I had to navigate a pretty toxic environment with two older women, whom I’ll call Gloria and Haven. Gloria was notorious for her drinking problem, and the only reason she kept her job was because she was the ex-daughter-in-law of the owner. Haven, on the other hand, was dealing with hormonal issues, which made her quite difficult to work with. I tried to keep my head down during this chaotic time, especially with COVID hitting and our pharmacy getting hacked. Gloria's constant absences and messy personal life created a lot of tension, and while some wanted to support her, I felt it was unfair that she was expected to be the glue holding everything together. Eventually, she got fired in 2022, but by then, I had already been dealing with the stress of Haven's constant criticism. She often apologized for her behavior, but it still took a toll on my mental health. I remember one instance where I was trying to split an oblong pill, and no matter how I explained that it wouldn’t break evenly, she kept insisting I was doing it wrong. It was exhausting. I showed her my pills, and she reacted strongly, saying it was disgusting and questioning how I would feel if I had to take something that looked like that. Her loud and dramatic nature made me feel even worse, and when she demonstrated how to break the pills, it turned out to be the same method I was using. I was terrified, feeling like I could never do anything perfectly. Afterward, I decided to talk to my manager about quitting and possibly going back to school. He offered to handle the situation and said we’d discuss it later, but I left early that day, overwhelmed and in tears. I still haven't fully recovered from that experience. The woman who confronted me has since changed after getting her thyroid checked and even apologized, but the embarrassment stuck with me. Then there was Danny, another technician who, despite being a gay man, had a knack for making people uncomfortable. He often boasted about his sexual exploits in a room full of older women, which felt completely out of place. I tried to ignore him, but it became increasingly difficult to deal with his inappropriate comments.

He started off by playfully teasing people about their mustaches, which seemed cute at first, but quickly turned into a brutal and uncomfortable vibe. It was like he was trying to assert dominance in a really awkward way, making everyone around him feel uneasy. Thankfully, he eventually left, but not before taking frequent smoke breaks during busy hours, only to return insisting he needed to control everything. Now that he's gone, there's another technician, let's call her Linda, who's always complaining about not being able to sit down, despite it being a stand-up job. She’s in her fifties and constantly talks about her miserable life, including her abusive marriage, which she seems to think is her only option. I’ve tried to encourage her to consider a life without that relationship, especially since her kids are grown, but she seems too scared to be alone. Meanwhile, I ended up becoming the pharmacy technician supervisor, not because I wanted to, but because I was too much of a people pleaser to say no. It turned out to be a huge mistake; the added responsibility and constant issues made every day feel overwhelming. She kept playing with the same old stuff and constantly complained about wanting to retire. I already knew her backstory—her husband had been abusive, and she believed marriage was her only option for survival. I suggested that there’s a whole world out there beyond marriage and maybe she should consider leaving him since their kids were grown and he had no hold over her anymore. I sensed her fear of being alone, but I didn’t want to dig too deep into that. I was busy dealing with too many mentally ill people myself, just trying to get through my workday. Eventually, I became a pharmacy technician supervisor because I was a people pleaser and didn’t stand up for myself. They figured since I didn’t push back, they’d promote me and give me a raise, which turned out to be a huge mistake. I hated that role; it came with so much responsibility and endless problems, making every day feel like a repeat of the last. It was like living in a hellish version of Purgatory. Unlike the show "Severance," where the characters have a clear divide between their work and personal lives, my memories from work haunted me constantly. I despised my job and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Thankfully, I managed to find a work-from-home position in the worst job market imaginable, but I still carry the weight of my pharmacy experience with me every day. Since I started working from home, I've been grappling with some serious PTSD. I’m not full-time at my old job anymore, just working every sixth weekend, which isn’t too bad. However, my manager keeps piling on more facilities and sites for us to handle, and while my colleagues are managing, I’m overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. I’ve had chances to return to my old job or even explore new opportunities in pharmacy, but I feel like a shell of my former self and struggle to function in that environment. On the weekends I do work, I actually enjoy it; I loved the job and the pay, but the toxic atmosphere really took a toll on me. It’s wild to think that three people who made my work life miserable are gone now, yet I’m still haunted by the verbal abuse I endured. Gloria was outright racist, Haven was emotionally unstable, and Danny was just a miserable guy who thrived on making others unhappy. When I left, Danny expressed jealousy over my new job, but he’s not happy where he is now either. Looking back, I should have left that job much sooner. I spent six years there, always thinking I needed to quit, but the pay kept me stuck. Now that I’ve been working from home for four months, I’m grateful, but I still haven’t healed and instead find myself dealing with PTSD. Thanks for letting me vent; it helps a bit. I have a few friends to lean on and I’m in therapy, but I still can’t shake this feeling, so I appreciate the chance to share my thoughts with others.

Vent cause I Need to get this out of my head. I am really sorry for falling behind in school and tests, and being dead weight and making 10 out of 11 people in my classroom hate my guts. But the past three months have been absolute hell. I've gotten stranded in the middle of road, in winter, three times. Have been sick and grieving twice. And Just anxious and overworked in general. I won't ever tell them that cause I do know it's also my fault. Cause I can't get It together. I just can't. I've tried. A lot of everything for almost 6-ish years now, being dead-tired, overwhelmed and anxious. I don't do It on purpose and I hate being dead weight but this Is just the best i can do right now. Sometimes none of the things I try work. And I end up where i am right now, sick, dead tired and with a test tomorrow. Wish me luck. I'll probably survive. 🤧

I feel really just numb today. I keep forcing a smile onto my face because it's my birthday, but whenever I'm alone I zone out completely and allow myself to feel nothing. This morning was really difficult. I almost missed the bus because I couldn't find a reason to get out of bed. But hey, I didn't miss the bus. Now I'm here at school, being ignored by people I now see to be my ex-friends. So why did I get out of bed this morning? I have no idea. I'm in band class as I type this, supposed to be practicing for Solo and Ensemble but listening to Paralysed by NF on loop while playing BitLife and ignoring the fact that my two ex-friends are sitting so close and not even glancing in my direction. Nobody at school knows today's my birthday except for Angel, my bestie. So woo-hoo, happy birthday to me I guess. Angel made a little birthday song for me: "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, let the gayness run through you, happy birthday to you" and yeah, when she sang it, I forced a laugh and a smile, but I didn't really feel much. I just thought, "Perhaps that was meant to be funny. Guess I'll laugh now." so yeah. Guess depression got the best of me or something. I dunno.

Recently my sister Mandy expressed her frustrations about the constant chaos within her family. She couldn't fathom why her family couldn't just get along and enjoy moments together. For around 20 minutes, she poured out her feelings while I mostly listened silently. When she pointed out my quietness, I acknowledged that she needed to vent, but I also silently thought that her ideal of a harmonious family seemed a bit unrealistic given the complexity of her family history.

To give you a clearer picture: Mandy had her eldest, Ethan, when she was just 18 with a boyfriend who turned out to have another simultaneous relationship that also bore a child. The discovery led to a messy conflict that ended with both mothers being arrested. She promised never to let that woman or her child interact with Ethan. She later married at 21 and had two more kids, Jenna and Levi, only to divorce their father immediately after Levi was born. By the time she was revamping her life yet again, she met another man. His former relationship had produced a child, Bella, whom Mandy now raises as her own, though unofficially. Jenna married and had a child, underwent a divorce, and got pregnant by another man during the marriage. Mandy's youngest, Cole, is also from a separate relationship.

Mandy is married once more, to a man with a complex paternal history of his own, including multiple children from different marriages and a non-biological child whom he's very close to. The family dynamics are intricate, with shifting loyalties and external familial tensions contributing to the turmoil.

During her venting session, Mandy couldn't understand why her family was uniquely disjointed. I ventured to say that very blended families are inherently complex, but she argued that others manage even bigger families without such discord. I responded, perhaps too bluntly, that her family felt more like a circus than a cohesive unit.

Mandy took offense to this, calling it cruel and a misrepresentation of their familial bonds. She demanded an apology, claiming that despite perceptions, they are indeed a family. We haven't spoken since then.

If my situation were to unfold on a reality show, the reaction might be explosive or perhaps even lead to a divided audience. Viewers might sympathize with the stress of managing such a blended family, while others might critique the dynamics or my harsh choice of words. Reality TV thrives on conflict and complex personal stories, so it could either provide a platform for understanding or flare tensions even further.

I wonder, am I really the jerk here for calling it like I see it, or is it just the hard truth that was tough for her to hear? How to get advice on family issues?

i am just so tired. i am a second semester senior and i dont feel the joy everyone else feels right now and it feels like my life is in shambles and i have noting together. my family is dysfunctional, im slowly losing a grip on my grades, all my friends hate eachother (please see my college apps are ruining my friends story because suprise suprise its gotten worse), i have litearlly nothing going for me and i am writing this while sobbing uncontrollably. i am so tired, my mother has cancer so i take care of everything, litearllty everything you can imagine in a household. bills? did it. sister's swim practice? already omw. cooking? already meal prepped for the whole week. except im under appreciated and burnt out i am depressed and anxious all the time but i cant talk to my mom about it because shes already so sick i cant do that to her, my poor baby sister is going through middle school drama and im her only parental figure, and my dad hates me like he goes out of his way to ignore me and i have to look like i can hold everything together and be put together and go to school and run my four clubs that im president of and deal with my crappy friends who keep shoving their college acceptences in my face and ask me about mine and mock me and still do research and work three jobs and act like everything is ok. im so tired of life im so tired of living like this i sleep at 2am and wake up at 4:30 in the morning and i drink so much caffine everyday just to stay awake and i still have to do good in my four ap classes because everyone said i took five last year why cant i handle it. i hate everything about my life and baout me right now. i have nothing going for me no prom date no boyfriend no one to love me or to love no college to look forward to i hate my body i hate my face i hate everything about me i hate how some underclassman look up to me and i hate being called slurs and a bop and a whore around school just because i like to dress and look a certain way i hate the steryotypes i get i hate everything i wish something genuinally terrible would happen to me i dont even have time to go see my thearpist and no one understands and i cant talk to anyone. there is no light at the end of the tunnel. im so tired.

I feel that privacy is a fundamental point in everyone's life, and not everyone values ​​it because it is precisely in this space where the free development of ideas can occur. Privacy is ours when there is a set of circumstances that are constant over time, and whose alteration in the future is impossible from the present, unless there is an external circumstance that prevents it, and of course, it is exceptional in nature.

I remember an aunt who didn't value privacy because she initially based her way of being on judging, of course in part, my way of being based on conversations she had with third parties. Without a doubt, I wondered why she held these opinions if she wasn't part of them. She, along with my relatives, always liked family to be a certain way, and for another, the principles they held dear to them to be maintained outside of their control, as when interacting with them. Ironically, for the former, it was one thing, and for the latter, another.

I'm very expressive, since lately I've been constantly expressing my emotions, and that has given my life an interesting twist. It's impressive how much an event can lead me to develop, to the point where I've longed, I confess, to distance myself from anything that impacts my way of life. That is, I seek to be as constant as possible under certain circumstances, leading me to the point of not seeking out relationships that lead me to new experiences. I recognize that this is why, for some time now, I've been single: the fact that I'm a person who generates numerous ideas.

I like to be in constant circumstances, and although they also generate ideas, they turn into a constant deepening of them, leading me to see things more holistically, that is, interconnecting parts of one thing and interconnecting these things with another. When an eventuality arises that disrupts my routine, that is, such constant circumstances, they lead me to break with those ties, or at least with that structuring, temporarily, of course. Indeed, I know that issues outside of routine are fruitful, however, the point is that one was aiming for a certain path and it was derailed, that's what bothers me.

I have to admit it too, I feel that everything affects me. I'm not like other people, at least within their perceptions of themselves, and of course I'm talking about the group around me. I feel things with an intensity that is overwhelming to me. It's like feeling like those individuals, within the notion I have of them, who call themselves highly sensitive people. However, on this point I prefer not to argue. Although I have to admit that perhaps this lifestyle, where I always express everything I feel, is ultimately a mechanism of pressure on myself, simply for the sake of doing this exercise, to observe every detail and take action, something my family members engaged in.

My family members were simply perfectionists. They observed everything I did and retaliated accordingly. Any deviation was worthy of reproach. For me, it stems from their high anxiety about unforeseen consequences in their environment. This is the issue that drives me to constantly express myself precisely because the events of my life have led me to encounter surprises, just when I thought I was headed in a different direction. I recognize that such an effort to stay within the same routine satisfies this need. Furthermore, since it results in a form of interaction with others given my absence, it is an achievement for me with my environment. That is, I have achieved a certain path with it, which is that they do not interfere with it. Opening up has allowed me to focus on my feelings, on what I feel, and to feel, in some way, even in the midst of this type of interaction, safe with others. It makes me forget their actions, just as they also forget the interaction they had with me. In fact, this is what has caused me, even if it doesn't happen, to avoid the spaces they frequent.

I had never before faced this reality: the reason for my loneliness. By opening up, by staying within this safety zone, I have also managed to sustain it at all costs, because with the delicacy involved in social relationships, it is easy to be left alone. That is precisely what I have sought social security because I have felt it is the only thing I can achieve with others. Indeed, the events will be varied and there will be lowered expectations, but that leads me to shelter in my isolation and protect it. That is, I carry out processes that lead me to places I know I'm going to reach, something that didn't happen before. I repeat, it's my only successful social interaction...