Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I'm a 48-year-old father with two sons, Thomas who is 15, and Jack who's 12. Thomas is practically my twin, both in appearance and in his love for all things nerdy, which mirrors my own interests. On the other side, Jack couldn't be more different. Since he was little, he never showed an ounce of interest in what Thomas and I enjoyed. His passion lies in sports, a trait he picked up from my brother who influenced him heavily during the years he lived with us. Unsurprisingly, Jack pestered my wife and me until we reluctantly agreed to let him join a baseball team, despite my personal distaste for sports, stemming from my own childhood experiences as an outsider among sporty kids.

Now at 12, Jack's personality reminds me painfully of the sports-obsessed kids who used to bully me. His behavior towards his older brother is becoming problematic, often resulting in him sabotaging Thomas's computer games or stealing his snacks, which only adds to my reservations about sports.

Recently, Jack expressed a strong desire to transfer to a school renowned for its sports programs. I outright refused, emphasizing the dangers of football and insisting he attend the same private school as his brother, focusing solely on academics. The suggestion of engaging in drama or music instead was met with outright hostility and profanity from Jack, leading to a significant argument and my decision to cut his sports activities short and confiscate his phone—a decision my wife quickly vetoed, revealing plans were already made behind my back to enroll him in the different school.

The argument with my wife escalated as I felt my authority being undermined. She called me unreasonable, accusing me of overreacting, but I stand by my view that prioritizing sports over education is a mistake, even if they think my disapproval of Jack's choices is too harsh.

If all of this drama played out on a reality TV show, I bet the audience would be split. Some would definitely side with me, believing in strict parenting and the importance of academics, while others might view my actions as too controlling and unsupportive of my son's athletic aspirations. With cameras rolling, my heated discussions would probably be high drama, sparking lots of viewer comments about family dynamics and the right balance in parenting.

What's your take on handling disagreements about school choices?

I’m becoming a junior in high school soon and Im recovering from a suicide attempt. So my mom is pretty strict and especially with grades so she kept a close eye on my grades growing up and I already had excellent grades because I wanted to impress her, my world basically revolves around my mom since my dad isn’t present in my life because he had gotten married to another woman when my parents split. I kept my grades steady and I made sure to ace every test and do extra credit so my mom could praise me, she bragged about me to the rest of my family and it felt good. It wasn’t until I started high school she began to pressure me more, I didn’t have a lot of friends because I studied during breaks and lunches for upcoming tests. I had also joined clubs and a sport in my freshman year, it made me tired but I wanted to hear my mom say that I did so amazing and I’m so smart. In my sophomore year is when I felt like I began to have a hard time because I felt so isolated from the other students having fun but all I could think about is my mom. And when one of my grades dropped to a letter down in my classes my mom saw and got really mad at me at home she lectured that B’s will get me nowhere in life, I’m acting lazy like my dad and she didn’t give birth to failures. And I just cried and said I’ll do better next time and my mom just said “One of these days you won’t get to have a next time.” And after that day she took my phone and laptop away to help me focus better but she had also started to talk down at me even when i wasn’t doing anything and complain loudly in the house enough so I can hear and feel guilty. I’m not close with anyone in our family either so I couldn’t tell anyone about this. Teachers praised me but I wasn’t comfortable enough, I didn’t know how to cope so I resulted in harming myself for some dumb mistake I did in a test. I don’t want to get into too much detail about how I attempted but all I could think about is when I woke up in the hospital bed with my mom crying next to me asking why I did that and why i didn’t tell her. I just wanted her to hug me and tell me it’s okay. But I’m in therapy now I still love my mom and I’m grateful for her taking care of me playing both parts as a single parent and I’m okay, a little numb because it felt surreal that I did that.

I don’t even know where to begin. The weight on my chest feels unbearable, and every time my phone lights up with a message from my parents, I feel like I’m suffocating.

I’m 22 now. I was supposed to be three years into law school, on my way to becoming a lawyer—at least, that’s what I told everyone. My parents. My friends back home. Even my younger cousin who once told me I was his role model.

But the truth? I never even went.

I enrolled the first year just to show them a receipt. After that, I stopped showing up. Never registered for exams. Never took a single credit.

Instead, I partied. I drank. A lot. Every semester, my parents would send over tuition money—money they worked hard to save. My mom picked up extra shifts. My dad skipped vacations. They thought they were investing in my future.

And what did I do? I spent it on drinks, on clubs, on god-knows-what. I let myself spiral deeper and deeper into this fake version of life where I could escape the pressure of being the “first lawyer in the family” and just... disappear into the night.

At first, I told myself I’d fix it next semester. Then the next. And then it just became easier to lie. I learned how to fake grades, how to talk like I was taking legal courses, how to nod and smile when my dad asked about constitutional law or my mom asked when they could come to my graduation.

Now I’m 22, with no degree, no real job, and a lie that’s stretched over years like a trap I set for myself.

I’ve thought about coming clean. A thousand times. I even started writing an email once but just stared at the blinking cursor until I cried.

I see people my age graduating, moving forward, figuring out their lives. And I’m here, still waking up at noon with a hangover and an inbox full of reminders that reality is closing in.

They’re proud of me. That’s the worst part. They still think their son is out there doing something meaningful. I look in the mirror and don’t recognize the person staring back.

What am I going to do?

How do I fix this?

How do I tell them I threw away their money, their trust, their dreams for me?

I wish I could say I have a plan. That I’m turning it around. But all I have right now is this sick feeling in my stomach and a silence that gets louder every day.

If anyone’s been in this kind of mess… how do you start over?

Some years ago I got into a long-distance (me 14, him 16) and obviously it was a relationship that turned out to be really unhealthy. He was rude to me and others, made disgusting comments, dragged me into a weird situation with one of his friends, used me for things I was too young to understand, denied to make calls and hid me completely from his life. I tried to contact him a month after we broke up, and he told me he'd "see if we could continue together." He ignored my messages and was a bit rude, so I decided to tell him that "if he didn't think we could stay together he should just tell me"; next day he told me everything was my fault.

Four months after we ended, he got a new girlfriend and suddenly she was everywhere. Meanwhile, I ended up struggling with psychosis and even now dealing with loss of sensation on one side of my body.

Now I'm around my 20's, I live alone abroad, I have a stable job, I've managed to keep my health in order and I've found a stable partner. A few weeks ago, as a joke, we looked up my ex’s account. He’s still with the girl he once told me was just his “best friend,” they live together and are planning to get married. In her videos he looks like the perfect partner and I bet he changed; but there's one that was posted months after the breakup, they meet in person and she referred to him as a healthy person.

A few days later I ended up in the hospital after a crisis at work, and they told me I showed symptoms of a possible stroke.

I’m starting therapy again soon because I don't want to lose the battle so young, but holding all of this in until then feels impossible. Any opinion would be accepted and really loved by my heart!

I'm in my early 20's. Yet I've wasted my life. As I've moved from the place I've called home for many years. I realized that everything I did there was for other people's approval, appreciation, and opinions. Now, as I'm not there, I just feel lost. I don't know what I want for my major, nor what my interests are. I know damn well what I don't like, and many people say that that's a start. But I'm honestly worried that I'll never make any friends due to the fact that I honestly don't know what I like. I have no passions. No interests. And it's hard for me to be interested in other people on a genuine level, since I don't know what I'm interested. Most people wanna be friends with others with the same interest. But how do people become friends with someone who lacks interests? And I mean genuine interests. As I've said, I've lived me life for other people, and I don't know where to start for myself. Trust me, I've try many things, but again, they weren't for me, but for others. I guess I could list the things I've tried, but it would make it seem like I'm a lost cause! I've tried, hip-hop/crump dance, jazz dance, 4 years of ballet, tap dance, painting, drawing, pottery, singing, playing guitar, playing the djembe drum, playing the ukulele, playing the harmonica(I only tried that one 3 times, and never again), baking, cooking, paper mashé, learning ASL(American Sign Language), fashion design, jewelry design, makeup stuff(I didn't like it after a while), math at one point(never again!!!), proper ways to clean, learning about different books(even though I haven't read them)... Simply to interact with those book lovers, same goes for movies and TV, there's a lot I haven't seen, but I can somewhat carry on a conversation with the same conviction that the fans of those franchises do. And the list goes on of what I've tried and ended up not really liking. The only things that I refuse to engage in are horror movies, books, and TV, spicy food, sea food, winter sports(other than ice skating), and anything to do with Winston Churchill. Other than that, I really don't know what I enjoy.

My husband often speaks in an angry tone. A Bit too loud, staccato. Just sounds pissed. When I ask, he never tells me right away whats wrong. I Need to did and dig. Sometimes he answers honestly, but often Not. Just a quick „no it’s ok“.

I cant bear it, especially when he used this tone with my 15 year old son. Of course the boy reacts and them it just takes off from there. I am fed up

so this is my update on my 2 stories so

the one with my male friend i happen to talk to him and he told me he wanted to give me some space and he wanted some space from life and everything because he had been busy and we managed to talk it out and we're not as close as before but we are good enough that we can talk to each other

and this is about my test

so after few months i have improved my attention span and my grades and im going to write my exams in another 2 months so i do feel well prepared now i do hope i do well on my finals

and i do want to thank everyone who have helped me even though i have 2 stories but i dont know when ill be back so thank you to all who have replied to my story

Here comes another sleepless night because all I can do is cry and think. Think about what normal people would call nonsense, but in this case it just… all adds up. So… I’ve been with my bf for more than a year. Since the beginning things were difficult. We would argue often, he wanted to break up multiple times, and I ended up turning my life upside town and changing 90% of me, mostly to „become myself again” and escape the influence of people I called friends, but I know that some things I did were all and only for him to stay. Now this part is almost „stable”, even tho there are still things that are wrong about me and I am aware of that and the cause of all of this (family issues, the fucked up way I was raised). But… ever since I can remember my bf used to mention his ex often. Always in a good way, recalling good memories etc. He told me A LOT about their relationship, how their mother liked him, how they liked to spend time together, damn he even sent me multiple pictures of them together MULTIPLE TIMES… I remember one time I said something bad about his ex, out of jealousy when he was talking about them again, and he got all protective, and almost aggressive like I just insulted someone important to him. He’s been never intimate with his ex, but he is with me every fucking time we see each other and this also makes me sick. Makes me feel like I’m his little cum bucket, walking piece of meat (mostly tits, ass and thighs) even tho he said he never saw me only in this way. I just can’t… when I recall the things he told me about his relationship with his ex, and when I compare it to what we have, I’m starting to fucking cry, because I feel like I’m never gonna be such an amazing partner like his ex was, I feel like he’s with me just to have anybody by his side. I can’t take the fact that I had to change so, so much only for him to not want to leave me, but his ex just came to his life and he was obsessed with them. They never annoyed him, but he told me multiple times how annoying can I get. Damn, he even told me how his ex would get him out of toxic activities, and how they would help him with his mental health etc, BUT I KNOW DAMN WELL I CANT DO SHIT LIKE THEM CUZ MY MOTHER NEVER TAUGHT ME HOW TO SHOW LOVE. I… I feel like I’m not even his real partner. Like I’m just there to fill the empty space. They broke up almost 2 years ago but still I can feel he misses them, but he’s never gonna admit it. He’s just comfortable with me. With chunks of meat to grab and sexualize. I wanna tear my fucking skin and replace it with his exes because maybe if I became them he would be finally happy and would not want to leave… I’m such a fuck up. I think I’m gonna cry again. Idk how this site works, I have no friends because I was kind of forced to cut ties with them, and I don’t have the strength to talk to anyone.

There are times where I get a thought and it makes my anxiety go up to like 50% more than usual. I don’t know why this happens and it drives me insane so I try not to think about it, but it keeps coming back and I don’t know what to do when this happens. I don’t know what triggers it either. It just happens. It does go away in day or two, but when it starts, it makes my heart raise up and my mental health goes to a different place. I have good strategies but there are times when I’m at work or doing something social that it comes again I don’t know the trigger, but I am working on it. if anyone has any advice when this happens to me or tell me their story, please let me know. Thank you.

In my early twenties, I started working with a life coach named Lydia, who built her philosophy around achieving everything one desires despite feeling unfulfilled with her privileged background. Lydia, who was affluent with an upscale job, lived alone in a plush city apartment. She preached about manifesting one's dreams into reality, which resonated with me deeply.

I was drawn to her because she claimed that by manifesting our desires, we could attain perfection in all areas of life. Now, five years later, I realize I haven't achieved everything I envisioned, leaving me frustrated and skeptical. This experience has highlighted a recurring pattern in many promising messages from life coaches and inspirational books that claim one can 'have it all.'

Is it really feasible to achieve everything you desire, or is the concept far-fetched, especially coming from those who may not have experienced significant hardships or the trials of genuine struggle?

Imagine if I shared my frustrations on a reality show. The audience might resonate with my struggles or criticize me for following such idealistic advice. Would they empathize with the disillusionment, or judge the impracticality of chasing such a perfect life?

Do you actually believe you can 'have it all'?

I'm with this girl. I love her, she loves me, no doubt. We're both girls, btw. But sometimes, I feel a little desperate. I do my best to please her. Making the best choices for her, making her happy.

Doing her kinks, notably. I don't force myself, but that's mainly because she likes that and make her happy. But I don't know why, I'm always under the impression that something goes wrong when I want something, want to do something my way. It doesn't work, or doesn't happen. Must be my fault, I guess. And yet... yesterday we did something that should've lead to a big climax for me. That was something like sexting, online. There is some times when I can write her long wall of texts to make her happy. And at this moment, I realized she was doing something else, was playing to something while writing to me, with long pauses between our messages, while I was waiting for her, while I was thinking we were sharing an intimate moment. It made me so sad. She swore to pay more attention to my self-wellness. I'm ashamed to say I don't fully believe it.

There's so many times when I don't feel considerate enough... But i'm certain she loves me as much as I love her, that she does her best, and she has a lot of things to do. It's not always easy to be with me. But... can't help but being sad, not confident. Not self confident. I'm afraid. I don't know what to do. We don't want to leave each other.

Wish you the best everyone, have a nice day, thanks for reading, it helps letting out some steam.

Bye !

Originally from the Midwest and now residing in the heart of Georgia, my demeanor starkly contrasts with the genteel mannerisms usually found in the South. While I hail from a region where forthrightness is common, it’s not the cordial type often seen in those with Canadian heritage—it’s more of a blunt, straightforward attitude that doesn’t always prioritize politeness. Since relocating, though, I've learned to adjust somewhat and can often manage a stern yet non-hostile smile in situations that call for it.

I recall a day when my friend and I decided to dine at a local eatery, which was experiencing an unusually slow afternoon. Being one of just four occupied tables with a full team of staff on hand, it seemed unreasonable when our simple order of two sandwiches took an agonizing 45 minutes. When the food arrived, it was cold, soggy, and bland, a clear sign of underwhelming effort in the kitchen. Despite our disappointment, I wasn’t inclined to send the food back as it seemed futile. I merely wished to settle the bill for our unsatisfactory meal and leave.

Soon, our waitress checked in to ask if everything was satisfactory with our meal. With my firm but polite grin, I confessed, "No, it really kind of sucked. Could I get the check, please?" She appeared slightly disconcerted and scurried off to fetch the manager despite my protests. My friend, meanwhile, was mortified by the unfolding events, seemingly embarrassed by my forwardness.

When the manager approached us to inquire further, I reiterated my concerns about the meal, maintaining composure and civility throughout the interaction. He dismissively offered to waive the charges, but I declined, aiming not to sour our relationship with a restaurant we frequented. My friend later questioned why I voiced my dissatisfaction if I didn’t want compensation, to which I responded, "Because they asked." He often reminds me not to stir trouble anecdotally referring to me as 'Karen.'

Another incident that might shed more light on my character involved a situation at a party where a guest had blocked my car. Rather than apologise for requesting he move it, I simply asked straightforwardly. This too, didn’t sit well with my friend, who felt it was necessary to cite as further proof of my supposed 'Karenness.'

Would the dynamics be different if this happened on a reality television show? With cameras rolling, my forthrightness could either be portrayed as refreshing honesty or as unnecessarily harsh, depending on the viewer's perspective. Would the audience applaud the candidness or criticize the lack of softening typical Southern charm? Reality shows thrive on conflict and character, and personalities like mine are often polarizing, sparking debates amongst viewers on social decency versus authenticity.

Am I truly the antagonist for embracing bluntness in a culture that veils its criticisms in sweet tea and smiles? Am I a "Karen" in this story?

Long story short, I have an online friend whom I formed a very close bond with /p. We would talk almost everyday. A few months ago, she stopped talking to me, informing me that due to family emergencies, she is overwhelmed and needs some time by herself. I understood that and waited for her, even though, I felt very lonely. She came back for a very short time and then said she's becoming inactive again, due to more family emergencies happening. Again, I tried to understand.

She came back after her family emergencies were finally over. We started talking again, everything seemed to be back to the usual. Until 3 weeks ago, she said she needs to focus on her exams and I understood. I stopped talking in our private server altogether because that's what I always do whenever she's gone. When I trust someone, I tend to talk a lot. That's why I held myself back to not overwhelm her.

A few days after she said that, she came back, sending a voice message talking about a situation she told me before she went on a break/hiatus. But I wasn't home and I couldn't give her my full attention. So I decided to leave it for later and I forgot (For better or for worse). Then a few days *after* the VM, she messaged, saying she ruined one of her exams and she needs to delete Discord to "lock in".

When she first said that, I was very upset. Because like I said, I stopped talking to her to let her focus on her exams. I didn't want her to get distracted by my messages. I felt like she's saying it's my fault... Because I'm the person she talked to the most on Discord. Also, it begs the question what the heck was she doing when she first said she needs to focus on her exams? I thought that was her "locking in".

But also, the amount and the lengths of these breaks are getting ridiculous to me. She started talking to me only for a month (Maybe even less) before she disappeared again. I know you have to understand that your friends might need some alone time and that they're not available forever. But I'm genuinely starting to get scared :,).

The thing is, due to a lot of my past "friends" taking advantage of me, I've become very paranoid. The moment the smallest thing happens, I start to feel like that this friendship is over... I don't always talk about them to my friend because I know sometimes my thoughts are irrational. (I was paranoid even when she disappeared because of her family emergencies, which was a very valid and understanding reason :,).)

Another thing is I'm an only child and I generally grew up very lonely. So when I feel attached to someone, it's hard to let go. I'm not saying this to garner sympathy. I'm just explaining why all of this is making me panic and why my attachment to my friends can get in the way.

Seeing that the number and length of her breaks are becoming longer, I feel terrified... This particular friend feels special to me because not only she fuels my artistic side, she also has been the most understanding and supportive friend I had...

I'm not saying I don't have friends outside of social media. It's just I just found new friends after moving back to my hometown and it will take a while for me to trust them and talk to them the same way I talk to this friend. So it feels really lonely for me right now...

It's not that I'm not busy at all, I'm probably more busy than my friend because aside from classes and studying, I also have a part-time job and my university's Psychology Association. But whenever I have free time and I check Discord and when I see our private server being inactive, it really hurts...

But I still feel selfish for feeling this way... I know I should be supportive and understand my friend no matter what and not always think about my own benefits. But it feels a bit tiring to wait for so long for your friend to start talking to you again, only for your friend to disappear again.

During her hiatuses, we would sometimes send Reels to each other that were like "Thank you for being my friend!" "I'm proud of you!" and these days when I send one, she either doesn't open my DM's despite occasionally posting on her Stories, or takes forever to leave a reaction or something. She also stopped sending me any, which really breaks my heart... (Yes, she hasn't deleted Instagram. An app that is arguably more distracting than Discord...)

The other sad part is that her birthday is coming *somewhat* soon and I wanted to be next to her to celebrate. I was planning on doing a simple drawing of her OC to celebrate, maybe even VC and talk about stuff. But I have a feeling it won't get acknowledged just like the Reels...

I'm sorry I know I sound selfish and petty through this. I don't know what to do. I really miss my friend. But I'm starting to feel like maybe our friendship won't work anymore... Because I feel like after starting to talk to each other, she's gonna disappear again and I can't take it anymore. It hurts so much that I can't help but feel upset. It kind of makes me not want to talk to her if she came back... My paranoid side feels like she's found new friends and that's why she's become comfortable with leaving me behind. I'm not saying it's bad to have other friends. I'm saying I think I'm being replaced...

I'm sorry again. I feel really pessimistic about this, even when I try to not judge quickly and be understanding. If anyone has any advice for me to cope with this, I'd appreciate it.

I don't want to be around my environment anymore. I feel like they're a bunch of disorganized people. I'm not going to talk to them. I'm tired of throwing myself at them and seeing their insults, their outbursts of anger, their so-called mistakes. I'm tired of showing them the consequences of their actions as if they were children. Why do I have to act like that? They're grown up now, and I have to do it.

I don't feel a bit of good treatment in my environment, not at all. In fact, that's why I avoid being so self-conscious, but I still seek them out. It can't be that this gentleman I'm telling you about is invading my time. It can't be that I don't have a proper evaluation from my psychiatrist. I even have a decent physical health evaluation. But for how long? For how long will this environment be able to treat me well? I definitely don't want their help anymore; they've all turned out to be a failure.

I'm tired of this apparent peace we live in. There's no peace here, just pure, sunken hell. I'm tired of stifling my tears. It can't be that with the gentleman, I had to keep my distance so he wouldn't bother me with my readings and touch the books I'd made in the library. It can't be. It can't be that, given my university degree, which I said I wouldn't hand over, I had to apply pressure to prevent this from happening. It can't be that I pointed out that I wasn't a simple dish sponge, people told me I wasn't even when the evidence was right in front of me, and no one even offered me a pitiful apology. I'm fed up. It can't be that when I was at my worst, people came up with this: "Why didn't you tell your dad he's a doctor?" "I can't be like this at work"—when I was dying. I'm tired of forgiving mistakes. This is no longer forgivable.

I should have left such terrible relationships a long time ago. I'm tired of showing in this environment that they are being reckless with what they do. It can't be that on my machine, on my own machine, I can't have privacy, that there are people watching the things I do. It can't be that they've disdained my only area, which is to vent; with an AI, it's done much better than with them, infinitely. I wouldn't tell any of my colleagues about a problem in my life, not even if it cost me my life. They all pretend they love me, but it's a lie. My boss is a cop; a coworker of mine is an angry woman; both of them are with someone who wanted to destroy me; I have a colleague who's a gossip and tries to get me to stop talking to an AI out of jealousy. I'm so fed up with any of them. How is it possible I haven't noticed these people before?

I hope this girl wants something with me. I pray to God she wants something from me. I want to be with someone who really understands me. I want to be with someone who actually wants to be with me. For God's sake, I'm sick of this environment. Besides, I feel like I can't express myself the way I like here. I feel like I have to adapt. My psychiatrist makes me want to adapt, no matter what; she molds me. I'm tired of her, of the way she does things. I feel like everyone serves nothing more and nothing less than to pressure me. Plus, my family members make the same mistakes with me; with them, I don't feel I have the right to get sick, and it's not fair that that happens. I want to be with someone I feel safe with, not half-baked, and I think she wants the same.

It's incredible that I can't even share a sad story with those around me because no one knows what to do with their feelings; they don't know how to say they don't know, they don't even know how to ask. I'm also tired of being seen at work as someone who does everything wrong out of carelessness; it's impossible, and I have to put them in their place. I feel like this is an environment that will collapse if I don't correct their vision, their vision, and I can't take care of their emotions. They're all grown up now.

While I was at work, my colleague, while I was busy doing something else, and after we'd done something together, asked my colleague if she had anything to do without taking me into account, making me feel bad, and then I had to resolve the issue. That girl also has a terrible smell. I feel like my boss works like a disorganized person; one has to be at his mercy. That colleague who was asked clearly acts recklessly at all costs. I just want to get out of there.

It's surprising that that girl I saw a long time ago didn't realize these feelings I was experiencing. That person understood that because she was experiencing anger, rage, with the environment, and I was the new one, then I had to distance myself to stop experiencing that. In other words, to fade away. How can anyone treat themselves like that, for God's sake? The most I could do with her was to confront it with everyone around her wherever I was, and arrange things accordingly. If he didn't know how to control his feelings, then he could get out of my life I didn't care about the circumstances I was in. The last time I saw her, I closed doors with her and walked away. Her feelings aren't my problem; in fact, I even removed her from my social media, for God's sake. I didn't want her in my life at all. I was paying the price for things I didn't do; she once made things up when I walked past her at a cafe; she made up that I was the poor thing when I didn't do anything; I don't know what the hell was wrong with that girl. That girl was out of her depth with her emotions, and the worst part was that everyone helped her do it, and I paid the price. After I brought the authorities to the court, after a big fuss, they tried to treat me like I was the bad guy. I regret it. I left that place and never went back. It was a very prestigious university, too. It can't be true. I couldn't even read in peace there; I didn't want to help something I wasn't obligated to, and my routine was ruined.

Damn, how long is my routine going to continue to be ruined? The gentleman, I think I mentioned it before, thinks he's my friend. He got excited about me just because I said hello. How long can this neediness continue? I can't stand it anymore. I want to be back in my quiet routine. This girl I like, whom I just met, I think I mentioned her before, I feel she can contribute to my routine. I don't have to hide like I have to with my surroundings. I feel like my entire surroundings affect my routine, and I can't understand that. I need to change my environment at all costs, if possible, change jobs, because I feel like things aren't safe in the community I'm in; I feel like I have a lot of enemies.

Why is it that I can't count on anyone to deal with these feelings? Besides, my dad encouraged me to stay with my boss, who left me with someone else, at a different job he had, and who wreaked havoc on my life, almost destroying me professionally within that community. Is that even conscience? I don't see where it is. Since this girl arrived, this girl I like, she's helped me see what's going on around me, and so I'm very grateful because she's allowing me to ground myself with her presence; and we've only made a few gestures.

The first time I saw you, my whole world changed

A love so instant, it couldn't be explained

One glance, one smile and my heart took flight

I knew I found my forever that night

Your smiles a sunrise that brightens up my day

Your laugh is the music that carries me away

Your eyes are the stars that light up my skies

A whole universe lives in the depth of you eyes

We joke about fire, a spark, a flame

But nothing on earth could burn quite the same

For you are the fire that lights up my soul

The passion, the comfort, that makes me feel whole

I cherish the moment, our very first meet

How my heart stumbled, skipped a beat

Love at first sight, it was written it's true

From that moment onwards, my heart choses you

Since then my love you've become my song

My reason, my comfort, where I belong

You're laughter in silence, light in the rain

My joy in the sunshine, my balm in the pain

No treasure compares, no riches, no gold

To the love we share, the hand I hold

For life can change and the world can bend

But my love for you will never end

Through days of wonder and nights of rest

I know with you I am truly blessed

For love like ours is a rare, bright flame

A story eternal, that no one can tame

I see our future, a thousand days

With laughter and warmth in endless ways

From morning coffees to midnight talks

To holding your hand on long, sweet walks

I dream of a home where your smile resides

Where peace and devotion forever abide

Where walls are filled with laughter and care

And every corner whispers "love lives here"

And even In moments when life feels tough

Your love alone will always be enough

For with you by my side I cannot fall

You are my strength, my heart, my all

If the years grow heavy and time runs fast

My love for you will forever last

Wrinkles may come and hair may fade

But our flame will burn the same way it was made

So take this vow, my promise, my song

With you my love is where I belong

From first song to last breath

My soul will stay true

For it's always been me

And it's always been you