Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

this happened two years ago now, but I cannot look at her without sobbing. for some backstory, we were both teens when this happened, both females. we're gonna call her fay. well, fay had just gotten into a relationship and she loved her girlfriend. I was her best friend at the time, but fay wanted more, and she liked to remind me of this. she would always be all over me, touching me in ways that made me sooooooo uncomfortable. it got to a point I screamed in the middle of the mall in town that I'd call her girlfriend and she snatched my phone out of my hands and begged for me not to. well, she had forced me to shower with her and pulled my bathing suit top down. she also attempted to "get in my pants." WELL. fay started cheating on her girlfriend. and this happened many, many times. when I told said girlfriend, fay blamed an unaliving attempt on me because of her actions. I blocked her and had a panic attack nearly all night because I genuinely thought I had done something wrong. guess what? they're still together. now, fay is trying to be my friend again. she showed up to color guard auditions and I had to run away crying because she loves to take things I've loved: guard, instruments, names, clothing styles, music tastes, so on and so forth. what do I do? how do I keep distance, and how can I process everything? I don't know.

So, I JUST performed at a convention with my dance team 4 hours ago. A member was unfortunately ill the day of, which meant reworking the formations and dance 2 HOURS before the performance to make it look more cohesive.

I love and am proud of my dancing journey, and how much I've improved over the years. My hard work has brought me to the point where I'm prided as "one of the best" in the group.

I had a member who once told me: '"If you of all people aren't able to nail the dance, who else would?"

I feel proud to be someone that my members view as "reliable" or as "an ace". It gives me confidence, and pushes me to work harder to fulfill those expectations. I always strive for a flawless, confident performance.

However, it has its drawbacks. My perfectionist tendencies and the pressure causes me to feel EXTREMELY depressed if I ever make a mistake.

In the performance we had today, my leader gave me the missing member's part and new formations to learn. During our last minute practices, everything went well and I thought I could handle it. I've done it before.

But on stage is a whole different ballgame because you're dealing with stage fright. After that, your focus is on fascinating the audience with your stage presence/expressions, which means relying on muscle memory for the dance.

I made AT LEAST 3 mistakes in there: I was in a wrong formation, I almost bumped into a member during her part, and I made up the missing member's part on the spot (because I couldn't remember what her gestures were). All of these were from the last minute changes we made.

What hurts even more I'd that I had coworkers and friends in the crowd who came to cheer me on. I also saw crowd cheering for me when I nailed a move, but I couldn't dare look them in the eyes when I felt myself messing up.

After the performance, I REALLY wanted to just hug someone and sulk quietly. But I didn't do that because I don't want my members to worry, make a big deal out of it, or for them to think that we did terrible.

For heaven's sake, I LOVE being at conventions. I'm a geek! It's one of my favourite places to be. I'm supposed to be happy right now, but I felt so upset and angry with myself. I couldn't stand putting a fake smile, pretending all was okay when I know I didn't perform at my best. Nor did I feel like enjoying the rest of the events or exploring the Artist Alley and merch, which is something I love doing.

So out of shame, I just left.

I know mistakes happen and I'll overcome this eventually, but I can't help but feel like I let my members, myself and everyone who cheered for me down.

Would you be okay with your partner showing expressions to you in a public space?

So I'm introverted and I have a resting serious face when I'm not talking to anyone at events. I was upset with my boyfriend because he was ignoring me so I made a face at him. Nothing elaborate but it was like a glare and eye roll. And we were like on a side and maybe someone could notice but I didn't think so. He didnt like that I made a face because he didn't want other people to notice it and make something of it. Other people includes random people we barely know and other people we do know (not nearby) and one of his cousin and her husband were nearby but again we were off to the side.

I did communicate that I was upset because he was ignoring me (he doesnt think he was). I also said I won't make a face or eye roll in future events because he doesn't like it and I meant it. I'm just curious about other opinions about being expressive to your own partner. We weren't near our close family (i wouldnt do that around our family) and the other people there suck and idc about their opinions tbh. I know he cares about society and stuff so I do/ don't do certain things out of respect but I do think it's annoying to do that for fake people who love to judge and have nothing to do with my life.

This morning, I had a weird feeling I can't really explain.

It started as how any usual day starts for me: excruciating mental pain. For the first half of the day, I thought I was done for, just like always. I remembered how much I was harassed and how ugly it got, and I thought I was gonna get found by the person who ultimately ruined my entire life in just one day. I'm pretty sure I said parts of what I can actually say in previous posts, but long story short I was completely done with my goals. I gave up, giving AI little of what was left of my creativity just to see if I can get that old spark back (which is a mistake, but I had zero resource and I was in a block).

Today, however, I felt something different after the second half of the day. I was scrolling through channels trying to crunch down another boring samey Sunday, until I landed on a movie about experiencing the joys of life. It ignited something on me; I looked around my living room, no shortage of something I'm good at: collecting Nintendo controllers specifically. In my living room alone, I found a cyan Wii Remote, a golden Classic Controller Pro, and my NSO 2 GameCube Controller. I looked at my trampoline and at all the free space in my house, and I thought about how much I love to run and exercise freely. I thought about my tastes in food and realized how unique they were--I might hate white condiments, but I love well-prepared anchovy pizza and pineapple pizza, I love drinking frozen matcha and eating loaded potato soup. I sat for a little longer and all of a sudden, I saw a vision of a character sitting beside me like if they were alive. Suddenly, I felt like I really wanted to go to the mall and let myself loose--find out what kinds of stores it had, how many stories, what where the anchors, what was at the food court, playing at a Dave & Busters, just overall letting myself loose and seeing the very appealing design that was the inside of a mall. This interest wasn't just an obligation to keep me stimulated; it was an actual call to return to my old self. I saw the similarities between my favorite (drawing) artists, and I stopped feeling anxious, even if some of these still make me go WTF. I acknowledged that despite their damning similarities, they each bring something new to the table and keeping me to innovate and do the same: follow the same footsteps but bring something new to the table. I even felt like coming up with a plan to start over with my art, presumably just in time for next year's ArtFight.

There's one problem though. I've had similar breakthroughs before, and I don't know how to keep the newfound spark. I'm enrolled in some coding classes that really frustrated me and completely broke on me and I'm pretty sure I failed the assignment because it's past the deadline and the whole program was straight up broken in the professor's end. It got me super mad, and it even blocked my creativity. My spark can easily just disappear.

So I have a question: what would you guys do to keep the spark alive? I do indeed have a plan to redefine what my creativity truly means, but what if more frustrating coding assignments ruin everything for this spark and leave me right where I got started once again?

I feel like my husband no longer finds me sexually attractive. :( We made love for the first time in like 6 days today. He never orgasms to me anymore unless I give him head. He only fucked me for like 3 minutes & wasn’t nearly as hard as he has been when we first met & he didn’t orgasm. Honestly everytime I sleep with him these days I just feel so shitty about myself afterwords. I feel like I am no longer what he wants sexually. There has been times in the past I have caught him sexting with other women. Getting very hard & cumming to PICTURES RANDOM WOMEN ARE SENDING ON SNAPCHAT…. But he can’t cum to his wife while he’s literally inside me? Basically the only foreplay we ever do is me sucking him off. He never returns the favor. He doesn’t really show my body love like I want him to. I don’t even remember the last time he said my body looked beautiful. I’m a big girl and I was recently scrolling through his X (Twitter) likes on his phone & he swears up nd down he loves big girls (which in the past his likes were all big girls, but now all his porn liked on X are small girls.) If he was sexually attracted to me he would get hard & cum…. He would want to make love rather than just putting it in me for 3 mins and calling it good. There was no kissing, no caressing, no dirty talk, no moaning on his side, no orgasm. Nothing. And I am they type person who likes to be very sexually active. If it was lift to me we’d be having sex like twice a day. I just feel really shitty about myself & needed to rant. Any opinions on this?

My dad has schizophrenia. Ever since childhood it has been my insecurity. One day when I was in class 1 my dad randomly can to my friend and started saying random shit to him and it scared him. I am used to this behavior but many people don't know what schizophrenia is . Similar incidents like this has happened all through my life . Now I am in class 12 and nothing has changed,. This creates negavity in my mind. I feel like people's attitude towards me changes when they come to know about my family situation.

First, a bit of backstory if it helps with understanding my current emotions and past decisions:

My family is very unstable and rather poor. Father was an alcohol addict who didn't want to get treatment, so my mother kicked him out when I was only 3-4 years old. She found someone new within a year or two who would then act as my new dad. He was a very stubborn but kind person. Although we lacked a real son-father connection he never really did any harm to us other than not giving back some money he lent from my mother. He never cared to teach me anything and fixed everything himself. Both my older siblings left early because they would rather be with my drunkard father than my stepdad. So I grew up as an only child without a father figure pretty much.

When I finished elementary school, my parents sent me to a highschool far away that only had male students. There were schools much closer to our home that didn't need me to commute by bus 3 hours every day. The reason they didn't want me in one of those closer schools is because it wasn't as prestigious. Considering everyone in my new school was so far away from where I lived I never really made friends. There's also the fact that my parents were from a different country and I didn't look similar to the other students, so that didn't really help either. I didn't really care about it until much later.

I didn't have any interest in girls considering I was only surrounded by boys and all we talked about is videogames and similar stuff (it's around the time I became a nerd who got interested in these kind of things.) Never was in any friend groups I just had 1 or 2 friends I would be around during breaks. The first interaction I had with girls my age was when we were about to graduate and our teachers hosted a prom. There was a similar school in the same city that was girls-only. So they invited them over for the prom. When our schools met for the first time I started to realize that girls weren't interested in me due to my height and looks. I looked different and it made me feel inferior to my peers.

Basically nothing went well and after graduating I got into college but I felt overwhelmed and too much pressure so I didn't last long. Everyone around me started dating, getting their drivers licenses and good cars. Meanwhile I was there, a head shorter than most guys, hell even some girls were taller than me. Not a single time in my life has anyone ever complimented me so you can imagine how low my self worth was. It didn't matter that I worked out, took care of myself and acted nice towards everyone when guys who didn't put in any effort were much more attractive than me. At that point I just couldn't do it anymore, I dropped out not only because of my inferiority complex but also due to not having any real goals or future dreams I want to achieve. Up until now I just wanted to fit in and never really worried about what I want to achieve in life.

After going through a ton of job applications, internships and even attempting to go to a different kind of school, all that it made me realize is that the world doesn't want me and everyone would be better off without me. It was in my early 20s that I already gave up with life after trying so many things and everything was just a failure. My siblings only gossiped about me, my stepdad was stuck in his own bubble as usual and the only person that was still on my side was my mother. Up to this day she's really the only person that gives me energy to continue. I was kinda hoping, as cruel as it sounds, that she would die early so I could end it aswell. I had no directions, no motivation, no goals.

So after thinking about how to go on in my life, I decided to start living a simple minimalist life and only focus on myself. Considering my cv was such a mess, most jobs I applied to rejected me (even when it wasn't a mess right after my graduation, every workplace rejected me). I worked in a few jobs that were so miserable and not worth the money that it didn't take long for them to either kick me out due to my inefficiency or too many absences due to my depression. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse but I was born with a visual impairment so I was able to apply for disability benefits which were enough to let me move to my own place and start being more independent. Of course I still have to apply for jobs but considering my messy cv, my looks and my disability no one ever wanted me again.

Fast forward a few years later, now I'm a friendless, disabled loser in his mid 20s. No real work experience, no skills, never talked a girl irl. Just living from day to day and indulging in mostly instant gratification activities like videogames, doomscrolling and whatever else you can think of. I still workout and take care of myself not that it would make a difference but atleast in the end I am able to say "Atleast I tried". Whenever I think of any goals for the future, I just see a blank screen with no text on it. I've gotten used to living in the present so much and enjoying the moment that I let go of any hope of becoming a more successful person in the future. I learned to be grateful for what I have and appreciate the little things in life.

I've gotten so used to this way of living that I started actually enjoying it. I smiled more often, looked forward to doing certain things and socializing with people again (atleast online). That's where I met a girl. At the start I didn't think much of it, believing that all I'm doing is learning how to talk to a girl without being anxious to gain some experience for future encounters. But everything was just right. We got along really well, we had the same hobbies, if you even wanna call them that. We had the same thoughts / beliefs about alot of things and for the the first time in my life I felt like I had a good connection to someone apart from my mother. She didn't mind that I didn't want to do a face reveal (even though we shared some other things to each other). It was just a casual fun thing to me that would pass after a few days/weeks.

But as time moved on, we started getting closer, we voicechatted regurarly, texted for hours every single day and spent alot of time together. That's when things got more serious. Over the past 5+ years I've closed myself in this bubble to forget about my past and problems in life and she came up with questions that tackled these exact topics. I really care about her alot and could even say that I love her considering we've known each other for 6+ months now and we never really argued. But I know that I'm not good enough for her. My life is already over, my mentality is messed up, I have no goals in life. And she's out here expecting me to move to her country and introduce me to her family. There's alot of things she doesn't know about me and yet she's trusting me so much. Why? I consider myself as a subhuman who doesn't have control of his life so how do you expect me to take care of a woman? it's just too much I don't know what to do anymore.

As I started opening up more to her, she accepted me for the way I am. As of now, she still doesn't know about some things but she still treats me the same as the time when we first met. I'm so emotionally tired, I've cried so much these past few days because I can't handle this much affection from someone. I really don't deserve her but I can't accept the fact that I might lose her, she's the only thing that gives me motivation to even just get out of bed in the morning. Everything feels like a mess and I don't know what to do anymore.

Recently, after my mother passed away, I received a substantial inheritance. I decided to keep this sum in a separate bank account, as I haven’t yet settled on the best use for it. Meanwhile, I’ve noticed an unsettling change in my husband's behavior regarding this money. He frequently discusses how I should spend it and makes various suggestions, but lately, he's also been expecting me to foot the bills for practically everything.

The issue escalated during our New Year's Eve celebration. We joined his family for dinner at a local restaurant. Initially, everything seemed normal until the bill arrived, and suddenly, I was expected to cover the costs for everyone. My mother-in-law made a passing comment, half-jokingly suggesting I should dip into my "inheritance pocket" to settle it. Although I managed to maintain my composure and only paid for myself, the situation left me quite upset, and I left the restaurant hastily.

Arriving home, I was alone until about 3 a.m., when my husband came back. He was furious, accusing me of creating a scene, embarrassing him and his family by not paying for their meals. He even suggested that my walking out was a vengeful act related to past grievances about his family’s nonexistent support during my mother's illness. This accusation couldn't be more wrong.

Now, he firmly believes that I've caused an irreparable rift between his family and myself. He argued that it wouldn't have been a big deal for me to pay for the celebratory dinner.

If this scenario unfolded on a reality show, the reaction could be explosive. Television tends to magnify personal conflicts, so my exit from the restaurant might have been replayed in slow motion with dramatic music, highlighting every detail of the confrontation. The subsequent arguments would likely be edited to enhance the drama, potentially drawing sympathy from viewers who resonate with feeling unfairly burdened by financial expectations from family.

Imagine this happening on television; what sort of viewer reactions could it evoke in a live audience or social media commentary?

Was I unjust in refusing to pay for everyone's New Year's Eve dinner?

About a year ago, I discovered my boyfriend—who isn’t diagnosed but shows strong signs of narcissism (his father is clinically diagnosed)—was masturbating to photos of his high school classmates and, heartbreakingly, to my best friend. I was devastated, but I ended up forgiving him. I was deep in trauma bonding, and he knew exactly how to manipulate me.

Throughout our relationship, the only thing that ever truly bothered me was his emotional unavailability. Besides that, he felt perfect to me—caring, attentive, and present in ways that made me believe he truly loved me. That illusion stayed intact until I stumbled across those messages in their group chat.

Last week, I caught him again. Same girls. A few new ones. Still my best friend. He’s obsessed with her style—she’s the complete opposite of me: gothic, bold, and conventionally sexy. I’m struggling right now. I feel lost, broken, showing signs of depression, and I’m undergoing lab tests for a possible autoimmune disorder.

Here’s the twist—he has no idea that I know everything. I’ve decided to keep playing the game, feeding his ego because he thrives on admiration. I do everything he wants, all while preparing to shatter his illusion. In a week, I plan to confront him with the full truth. I know he’ll panic and try to chase after me, but I’ll make it clear: if he tries anything manipulative again, I’ll expose everything—his messages, the videos, the disgusting things he and his friends have said about unsuspecting girls—on Facebook and Instagram. When I first caught him I read that his friends were scared that I would also tell their girlfriends but I didn't.

I won’t lie, I still have feelings for him. Part of me still believes he cared, that maybe there were moments of real love in our 2.5-year relationship. But this has to end.

I don’t know—does this make me the villain for planning to call him out like this? I feel stupid even writing this. He wasn’t always bad… but now I can’t unsee the truth.

my name is miriam and im almost 12. my parents are divorced and they can't agree on anything. im Jewish and my mom wants me to have a bat mitzvah at 13 and my dad wants me to have a bat mitzvah at 12. and none of them are willing to be flexible so now i'll have to study twice as hard. like this is supposed to be my breaking point, the end of my childhood, but what's the point if you have to do it all over again? and lately I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts because of family problems (ill go into that another time) so i don't really know what to do atp

A few weeks after an intense Father's Day, my mother, her new husband, and I found ourselves in group therapy. This decision was fueled by their frustrations with my refusal to embrace the family dynamic they envisioned. We initiated our sessions towards the end of July, and by the end of August, tensions had escalated: during one session, my mom, teary-eyed and distressed, labeled me a liar, deeply wounded by what she perceived as my efforts to undermine her marriage.

The accusation infuriated me—I had been truthful throughout our discussions. I detailed my perspective in the subsequent session, highlighting my feelings about being wrongfully called dishonest. My mom interrupted repeatedly, dismissing the therapist's attempts to mediate and doubling down on her accusations against me.

To understand the core of our issue, it's important to consider the backdrop. Three years prior, shortly after my mother’s husband entered our lives and a mere two months before they married, they proposed we become a 'family' again. The notion included him stepping into a fatherly role—filling the void left by my father's passing. During a discussion in February, they outlined a hopeful picture of our future as a unified family, including celebrating Father’s Day altogether. I was clear from the start: I did not want a replacement for my dad, nor did I intend to celebrate Father's Day with him. Despite this, they laughed it off, but when the day came each year, the issue reared its head again. This past year, he lost patience, complaining about my absence on Father's Day and his unfulfilled role.

My mom's claim of deceit stemmed from her belief that I had agreed to forge a closer bond with her husband and to partake in family traditions like Father's Day—promises she insisted I made. Her allegations were baseless; I had been explicit about my feelings and intentions from the beginning.

Throughout therapy, the therapist struggled to maintain a balanced dialogue, often unable to rein in my mom and her husband's dominant presence. Frustrated and feeling unheard, I eventually withdrew, engaging minimally. It was only recently that they noticed my disengagement, which I confirmed, demanding an apology for the false accusations before I would reconsider my participation. This sparked further frustration from them, accusing me of stalling the therapeutic process.

In an environment like a reality show, my stand could potentially evoke mixed reactions from the audience. There could be a strong empathetic response from viewers who appreciate my steadfastness in preserving my father's memory and recognizing the complexities of blended families. On the other hand, some might view my actions as stubborn, perhaps misunderstanding the depth of my emotions connected to my father's absence and the significance of Father's Day.

Would I be justified in demanding an apology?

Hello. I lost my pet pig almost a year ago and am still dealing with feelings of regret and guilt, as well as loss. He was the closest thing I could call a child and a big part of my life for three years.

He was sickly a few times before he died, with loss of appetite and energy. I took him to both a clinic and got a vet to look at him, but didn’t get a lot of answers and was just told to try to feed him. So I did, and most of the times he got better, but then got sick again.

Then he one day after getting a lot better (I thought) got REALLY sick and I panicked since I was sure he was dying. I still lived with my parents then, but they weren’t as panicked as me and said they would help me take him to a clinic in the morning. The vet on call (night shift) also said we probably could wait till the morning. It was Sunday night and I was thinking more about the money than I now wish I did. He died after a few hours of me trying to keep him warm.

I am now learning after researching what I think was his cause of death, that I could have saved him if I gave him early treatment. And pretty easily at that. That has been haunting me since he died, and I can not stop feeling like a horrible human being, and selfish person that cared more about the money than take him to a clinic again after a unhelpful experience.

I felt like I was dying the first week and literally could not sleep because I was crying so much and saw him every time I closed my eyes. I still cry when I see his photos, and more than anything feel like it’s my fault that he died, and that he would have had it better if someone else was his owner.

I’m mostly here to vent, since I don’t really feel like I have anyone to talk about this with. It’s my first time using this site, so I don’t know if this is the correct way to post. If anyone has some tips for getting over mostly the guilt, I would appreciate it. Thank you for reading.

so, there’s this thing i’ve been doing lately and it’s probably the dumbest thing you’ll hear all day, but it works for me during those totally unpredictable, chaotic moments where i feel like the entire universe is flipping me the bird and my anxiety’s about to skyrocket into orbit; i’ve been forcing myself to just breathe, like literally standing there in the middle of whatever’s going down, inhaling so deep that it feels like i’m about to burst, then slowly letting it out like i’m some kind of zen master or whatever, and yeah it sounds super corny but focusing on your breath actually forces your mind to stop freaking out for just long enough to not lose it; i also try to write things down, and i don’t mean a fancy bullet journal or some crap you see on pinterest, i mean i grab the nearest scrap of paper, napkin, whatever, and i start scribbling every chaotic thought or worry or even a stupid doodle if i can’t find words, because there’s something about seeing it all outside of your brain that makes it less intimidating and gives you a bit of a laugh at how ridiculous some of it sounds; and then there’s my go-to move, which is just dropping everything and going for a walk, no matter the weather, and yeah, sometimes it’s pouring rain or freezing, but the sheer act of putting one foot in front of the other, feeling the ground beneath me and just noticing the tiny details around like the color of the sky or the way the air smells helps me anchor myself to reality; oh and don’t even get me started on music, because blasting your favorite playlist, the one that makes you feel like a badass, can literally change your entire mood and shift your perspective from ‘everything sucks’ to ‘okay, maybe i can handle this for a bit longer’; and if i’m really in deep, like spiraling kind of deep, i force myself to reach out to someone, whether it’s a friend who’ll let me vent without judgment or even just sending a quick “hey i’m struggling today” text, because as much as i hate to admit it, sometimes you just need to hear another human voice reminding you that you’re not as alone as your mind is making you feel; i also sometimes dive into something completely unrelated, like rewatching my favorite dumb tv show, because giving your brain a break from obsessing over uncertainty can be surprisingly powerful, and it’s not avoidance, it’s just giving yourself permission to rest and not be ‘on’ all the time; also, weirdly enough, i’ve found that setting the tiniest goals helps, like literally telling myself “just get through the next ten minutes” or “just clean one corner of the room” because ticking off even the smallest task gives you a tiny hit of accomplishment and sometimes that’s enough to keep going; but maybe the most important thing i’ve learned is to stop trying to predict or control everything because let’s be honest, none of us really know what’s coming next and pretending we do just exhausts us, so i’ve been trying to lean into the discomfort and tell myself “you’ve survived worse, you’ll survive this too” and weirdly enough, it helps to remember that i’m not the only one trying to navigate this crazy unpredictable life.

I would like to start by saying I am a teenager, and I understand that that could bring some judgement to my story, but I feel that it is necessary for accurate comprehension and feedback. Also, disclaimer, I tend to ramble, but I will try to keep it as brief as possible, but there will be much backstory. Starting at the beginning, about a year ago me and this guy I liked and was kind of friends with started texting. We'll call him Alex. At first, he was just asking why my friend, we'll call her Eva, had been teasing him and I and if it meant anything. I dodged the question and we agreed to pretend it didn't happen, but later that day he texted again asking about schoolwork, so I jumped at the opportunity. I had liked him for several months, and had been considering doing this, so I suggested sending each other trivia questions to prepare for knowledge bowl. After that we just hit it off. When I tell you we texted 24/7, I mean it. Any time we weren't busy; it was constant. It really screams "screenager" but we were obsessed with taking to each other. And it wasn't your basic teenage texting, like "hey wyd" and stuff like that. We had playful conversations, deep conversations, just really started to get to know each other, going from one thing to the next and filling any empty space with trivia. I know him better than his parents do. It wasn't too long before he became one of my best friends, if not #1. And I told him this. However... we were not great at actually interacting in person. It was always pretty awkward, especially since we're both socially awkward people in general, so in person interactions didn't happen all that often. But the second we got home, things started rolling again. It may seem stupid and a dumb childish thing, and I agree, but honestly seeing each other just made both of our brains fry. But we really did try. About 3 months into this, we finally admitted that we liked each other but decided not to put a label on it because we were practically incapable of talking face to face. So we continued as we were, best friends and constant virtual companions that flirted and knew they liked each other. After another couple of months, mid summer, things started going downhill. I was dealing with family stuff and it was really hard on me so I resorted to pushing him away. I told him things weren't working out, and we didn't talk for 2 months. It was a hard time for both of us; neither had truly lost feelings and his mental health went way down. (He had had a history with mental issues that I was not entirely aware of at the time) Once school started up again, Eva became besties with Alex. (in her point of view, Alex says he never thought they were that close) I'm going to be honest, I may still hold this against her a little bit. She's one of my best friends, and she thought it was okay to start texting and always talking to and talking about him. It got to the point where Alex was practically all Eva's mom would talk about. But she claimed there was no interest there (she was being truthful, both ways, but the friendship still hurt) To be fair, he was the only person she knew in that class, but it got excessive. Eventually, though, Alex started asking Eva about me and I was definitely asking about him too, and one day she told me that Alex said he never actually stopped liking me and missed me. This broke me because I felt the same. So, Eva made the decision to force us into a group chat to talk. It went really well, we started talking like we used to again and worked everything out. Same stage as before though, "more than friends with potential for label". Alex and I got way better at interacting in person, and he, Eva, Eva's new boyfriend Remy, their friend Erik, and I all became kind of a friend group. To shorten it up, Remy was booted after not long. Alex and I finally decided we were ready and became official. To give you a time frame, it had been 9 months since we started talking. (oh and for the record, we had started saying "I love you" a month before we were official, which seems backwards, and I probably seem dumb and naive for saying this but we really do love each other) Anyways, not even a week after we started dating, he found out his parents were divorcing. It hit Alex really hard, and his mental health dropped, badly. As I said, even when he was really young he had issues with depression and suicidal thoughts, and everything pretty much skyrocketed. Here's where I stop the buildup and get to the conflict between Alex and Eva. Alex had had recent issues with her trying to take all my attention, but it was a pretty minor thing. Other than that, Eva had been very persistent ever since they became friends to get Alex to open up to her. He is a pretty closed off person and is slow to trust. She pushed and pushed and wouldn't let up. I understand the want to help and have people open up to you, but I also think it is important to consider boundaries and trust. Anyways, she eventually slowed down on the pushing. However, when the divorce first started being a thing, Erik and I told Eva that he really needed his friends' support, but she basically said she didn't have the energy to care or deal with it right now. I'm going to try to sum it up. Alex was really upset about this and decided if she didn't care he wouldn't care about being her friend, Eva felt that this was unfair and that she had tried so hard before and was always there for people and just needed a break. This is where it rooted, and more problems sprouted from this. Erik liked Eva but she didn't like him, but she was definitely doing things to lead him on then would just cut him off completely, and Alex used that as another reason to pull himself and Erik away from her. Among a few other little things. Eva still believed this was unfair and she didn't deserve it. And In full honesty, Eva really is a good person and a good friend. This went on for a little bit, Alex being cold, Erik being indecisive, Eva feeling betrayed, and me trying to keep everyone happy. Eva would ask Alex why he hates her now, and usually he would avoid the question, but eventually he gave in and started listing things he hated her for. Eva was really hurt and called me saying that he was a terrible person and yada yada yada. It was really hard for me to be on both sides of this, because I really did see both of their points. And especially hard since I was also trying to help Alex get through the divorce and not let the mental issues make him do something stupid, if you know what I mean. But I ultimately leaned towards Alex's side of the conflict. Eva and I are still just as close of friends, and I tried to be there for her while she was hurting and felt like everyone hated her, but she could tell and was upset that I was moreso taking Alex's side. As of right now, Alex and Eva hate each other, Alex tried his best to avoid coexisting with her and when he has to, I'll admit he makes some unnecessary comments, which I talk to him about. Eva hates Alex and won't admit it but I think she's judging me for staying with him. She gets passive aggressive when I spend time with him that could've been spent with her but she tries to pretend she's okay with it. And it's not like I always choose him over her and ignore her, that's not the case. As for Erik, he is still friends with both of them. I think both sides have valid points, and both sides have the support of people I trust. Sometimes I'm worried I should feel bad for staying with a guy that treats my very close friend like that, but I talk to him about it and ask him to be kinder, and considering the points leading up I really am not sure if he's in the wrong for that. Also, just as an explanation, I included all that backstory to explain I wasn't just going against one of my closest friends for "some guy", because to me he's so much more. I'm trying to balance two relationships with people that both mean the world to me but hate each other.

I used to be in a very big depression slump, it was very long. Lasted a span of 4 years at least. It started as deeply emotional. I was very sensitive and fragile to put it simply. But that later changed into hate and resentment. I am the oldest daughter in a traditional household. So when my parents started their seperation I was stressed about trying to makesure everyone was taken care of. But then I started to hate my family, hate how much they needed me for the house to be clean and for the kids to bed fed, and clean, and presentable for school. Until my younger brother started to show signs of depression too. It kind of snapped me out of it. Like it tore me in two that my little brother could feel like his life wasnt valuable the same way I saw my life. Fastforward I no longer feel that towards him. Im not so sure if hes still depressed but he is doing nothing with his life and it frustrates me deeply. He skips school and plays video games all day or watches videos. He has a GPA of 0 and is going to be a junior this year. This angers me. He didnt have all the responsibilies I had pushed on me growing up. While I had to literally physically move away from my family to focus on school and take many recovery classes to graduate on time. I guess the main cause of this resentment is that my mom tried talking with me about his mental health and trying to find a reason why he is this way. But when I was depressed I was just being a dirty and lazy kid that was making everything harder on her. I feel like I have regressed emotionally. I feel I used to have a lot more empathy than other but now I can only focus on how I feel in situations that cause me emotional distress. I didnt use to be this way. I dont know how to fix this empathy problem I have developed. I feel selfish and evil and filled with hate an resentment towards everyone and everything. Does anyone have some insight in how I can change this? I dont like living this way.