Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Okay, so this is super embarrassing, but I really need to get it off my chest. There’s this guy I’ve been crushing on for literally forever, and now I can’t stop thinking about him even though I know nothing is ever going to happen. Like, how do you even get over someone you never dated? It feels so dumb, but it hurts just as bad as if we’d broken up or something.

We met at this summer job last year, and at first, it was just small talk. But then, I don’t know, he’d always smile at me or laugh at my jokes, and I thought maybe he liked me back? I started imagining us hanging out, going on dates, all that cute couple stuff. Except none of it ever actually happened. He was super friendly to everyone, and I guess I wasn’t really special to him, even though he felt so special to me.

I didn’t even realize how deep I’d fallen until I saw him post a picture with another girl on his Instagram last week. It wasn’t even a super romantic picture or anything, but she was tagging him in all her stories, and they looked so happy together. My stomach legit dropped when I saw it. That’s when it hit me: he’s never going to see me that way. He probably never did.

So now, here I am, feeling like an idiot. It’s not like I can call it a breakup or cry to my friends about how “we” didn’t work out. There wasn’t a “we” to begin with. But it still hurts, you know? Like, why am I this upset over someone who probably never thought twice about me?

I keep replaying all the times we talked, trying to figure out if I just read the signals wrong or if I was just imagining the whole thing. Maybe I got carried away because I wanted it to be true so bad. And now, I feel so stupid because he’s out there living his life, completely unaware of how much space he’s been taking up in my head.

I tried all the “tips” people give for getting over someone. I deleted his number, unfollowed him on social media, and started distracting myself with other stuff like school and hanging out with friends. But no matter what I do, he’s still there, popping into my head at the most random times. Like, I’ll hear a song or see something that reminds me of him, and it’s like I’m back to square one.

What’s worse is that I feel so alone in this. Everyone else is dealing with real breakups, real relationships, and here I am, crying over a guy who doesn’t even know I feel this way. If this was a reality show, I bet people would just laugh at me. They’d be like, “Why is she making such a big deal over nothing?” And honestly? I’m kind of laughing at myself too.

But it doesn’t change how I feel. If anyone else has gone through this, like crushing on someone so hard and realizing it’s never going to happen, how did you get over it? Because right now, it feels impossible. I just want to stop caring so much about someone who was never really mine.

Imagine how many messages have been written and deleted, how many things have gone unsaid? How many songs have been placed in the notes, right there and right for that person? For only that person to see? Surely many... Has everyone done this? Today I was watching Brazilian films and looking at blogs, abandoned in 2014 and 2017, and I don't know, I got thoughtful. How many teenagers aren't just like us? They have the same ideas, tastes... How many teenagers haven't grown up and become those boring adults? I keep thinking about it. I wish I was a teenager forever... forever young! Is 30 really the age of success? By then, I want to have a career taking off, and MAYBE a decent boyfriend. But that doesn't matter... Do you think we should date at 15? And in adolescence in general, I see girls showing off their boyfriends on social media with cute trends and I keep thinking about it... Does dating make you lose your youth? I think you should have balance, but having a boyfriend must be really cool! I've been with guys, but I've never really dated, wow, have you ever thought about that? I guess I'm not the only one who thinks about it? Well, at 18, I think about it.

I kind of miss my ex…so me and him haven’t spoken in a while but last year we where so close and I’m going to tell you the things we did which made me madly in love,so last year I met my ex in maths class and me and him got along well and we met up at his usual hang out spot(his friends house)don’t! Worry other people where there too and it was a safe space and a chill spot me and him got together and we was in the awkward stage for a few hours until he sat next to me and was peer pressured to put his arm around me …year 7 for ya anyways we was sat next to each other and he had his arm around me until all of my friends decided to sit on this tiny ass couch and we all managed to fit on but we had to squeeze on and I was so close to him I couldn’t breathe he was trying to play a game but cuddle me at the same time and he had to wrap his arms round me and play with 2 hands and it was kinda funny but awkward at the same time and they all asked to go to the shops but had no money so I gave them my last bit of birthday money (ten pounds) they said thanks I said don’t spend it all and they surprisingly didn’t the rest spent about 2 pounds each and he only spent 10 pence and I was so grateful he actually acted and I had never ever been in a relationship so close to someone like that so I was kinda shy but the next weekend I had a sleepover and I decided to break up with him idk I was stupid and young so I had no clue what I was doing but we separated for like 3 months but I couldn’t get him off my mind and I told my friend and she was like well let’s message him so she did and he said said he would like to try things again too and I was so happy and inlove and we met up and things like that and we had laughs together and always hugged goodbye until he broke up with me but then he got back together with me because he said he was stupid and we stayed together until we didn’t..we separated again and we became close mates and I decided to go out and met him late at night and we had so much fun together until a big group of boys where chasing me and my other friend and I called him and he was straight there to protect us both with his other mate and we jumped down this thing and I was let behind because I was stung by nettles and no one came looking for me except him and I was too tired to run so he came behind me and walked with me while my other friends ran and we started meeting more often and one time we was hiding behind this corner and he was stood next to me while I was in the corner and I kept looking to my side and each time he was staring at me and we made eye contact I smiled and he smiled back even though he hardly smiles at people I was falling inlove with this boy so much and we kept finding ways back to each other until my bestfriend had enough of me talking to him and she blocked him on my phone and I hadn’t have talked to him in ages I decided to unblock him in secret and we called and talked for ages and now we just don’t speak but I miss him what do I do should I speak to him again or not guys Ibe never been so in love

At the age of 45, I have a daughter, Abby, who is 17 and just experienced her first date with a classmate, who we'll call Sam. My apprehensions stem from my belief that high school romances don’t tend to endure—they're more like preliminary trials for later life. I felt it was my duty to temper her expectations to shield her from potential heartbreak, like when he might leave her for someone he finds more appealing.

Unlike her younger brother Jake, who's 15 and always on top of trends and self-care, Abby doesn’t invest much in her looks; she neglects makeup and fashion, opting to wear the same old clothes to school daily. After her date, she returned home brimming with excitement, constantly talking about Sam. I candidly expressed my surprise that Sam chose to date her, questioning his intentions. I explained that many teenage boys aren't looking for serious relationships and might be using the date as a dare or simply to boast to friends.

This led to an argument where Abby felt I was insinuating she was unattractive and undeserving of a boyfriend. Trying to clarify, I stated I was merely trying to manage her expectations, not demean her. I compared her approach to her brother's, hinting that a bit more effort on her part in grooming could enhance her prospects, not just romantically but generally in life. She interpreted my comments as controlling, but I see it as guidance toward success, stressing the competitive nature of romance and appearance.

She insisted that Sam enjoyed their date and seemed genuinely interested in her. However, I cautioned her about the transient nature of such teenage interests. Observing her peers, I remarked that she needs to elevate her dressing style to stand out positively.

Abby now accuses me of sabotaging her happiness. I attempted to explain that I was only aiming to prevent the kind of hurt I experienced when my ex-husband left me. But she’s not speaking to me currently. Even her brother and a close friend think I was too harsh. I often wish my own mother had given me such direct advice; I consider my approach as tough love. Was I too harsh, or just being realistic?

If this encounter was part of a reality show, I imagine the reaction would be quite divided. Viewers might sympathize with my protective instincts yet criticize my approach as overly harsh and potentially damaging to my daughter’s self-esteem. The drama and emotional tension could certainly draw attention and provoke strong viewer reactions, reflecting the complexities of parent-child relationships.

In July 2023, my husband Eric and I welcomed our daughter into the world. Prior to her birth, around Christmas 2022, we had shared our pregnancy news, and both our families were overjoyed. Becoming a mother has been a lifelong dream of mine. Eric’s father, who co-owns a successful multi-million dollar business across multiple states, was particularly thrilled. He showed his support by giving us $4,000 to assist with the medical expenses and for our baby's needs.

Due to regulations in our state, one cannot open a bank account without a Social Security number, which our unborn daughter didn’t have at the time. Thus, we agreed to temporarily keep the funds in our joint bank account. I rarely monitor this account as it's primarily managed at my husband’s bank. All medical expenses associated with our daughter's birth were paid from my HSA account, entirely by me. Later, I opened a bank account for our daughter at my bank, where my dad ended up being the trustee because Eric missed the paperwork deadline.

Recently, while driving home from a function, I brought up the topic of the $4,000, mentioning that I’d like to transfer it to our daughter’s proper account now that she’s a year old. To my confusion, Eric insisted that I had used those funds for the medical bills, claiming they were transferred into my personal account. I clearly proved otherwise by showing him my account history. He then admitted if the money was in the joint account, it was spent on purchasing hunting land—an expenditure I had never approved.

Eric dismissed my concerns, labeling me as ridiculous for even questioning the usage of the money and asserted that our daughter isn’t entitled to it since it was meant for her medical and care expenses—a cost he barely contributes towards. I cover 75% of our daycare expenses and all our grocery and formula/milk bills. Our daughter is also on my healthcare plan, given the poor quality of the plan offered by his family's business. While we split our mortgage payments equally, I had fully paid the down payment. My financial burdens have been mounting, making it a struggle to transfer funds regularly into our daughter’s account; I've been managing to set aside $150 from each paycheck to save for her future needs like college or a car.

This confrontation led me to firmly tell him that this wasn’t a matter of asking—he needed to verify where those funds went.

Imagine if such a family dispute were broadcasted on a reality show. The audience reaction would likely range from sympathy for the wife's responsible financial handling to criticism of the husband’s neglect and disregard for agreed-upon financial plans. Reality shows thrive on conflict, and this situation presents enough tension and moral questioning that it could become a focal point of an episode, drawing viewers to take sides and engage emotionally.

I would love to know if I am being unreasonable for insisting Eric trace the missing money.

The last time I was here, I talked about my struggles in getting employed as an autistic girl with issues that directly go against the expectations of a job.

Well, against all odds, I got one! And it's my dream job! Wow!

...or so I thought.

It's zero-hours, minimum-wage, because that's all I could get and I know better than to hope for more. That's not the issue.

The issue is that while my bosses are super accommodating and have tried to allow me my adjustments, I've come to find there are parts of this - and likely every job - that I just can't tolerate.

I come home exhausted and in agony from walking around every day even if I've been allowed to sit as needed.

Customers find fault with me no matter how pleasant I try to be (and then complain to my bosses instead of just telling me? why are people.).

The staff reactions to my existence vary from passive-aggressive judgement (not paranoia, I have caught them laughing at me) to constant verbal digs that I know won't be solved since the one responsible for that holds a lot of responsibilities in the company and I am far more replaceable.

There's a severe lack of routine and communication in a way that is mostly unavoidable due to the nature of the job, supply issues that cannot be easily fixed meaning I get the backlash when we run out, and everything is too loud and too much pretty much all the time.

I've tried my best, I've been there just over a month now, and I was hoping I'd be able to ease into it as we went but over time the cracks are beginning to show in a big and dreadful way. It's like I got everything I wanted, but it's all come out wrong and now it's hurting me instead.

I have no time for hobbies or even basic self-maintenance - I can't cook, I can't clean, I can't anything. I barely eat now - either no energy after work or so anxious I throw up before it. Showering happens only if I force myself to wake up early to do it. My room looks like a bomb hit it, and the sink is full of dishes that neither I nor my dad have the energy to wash.

I don't feel human, which sucks because I'd just got good at feeling human before all this - now I just work and then I come home and shut down until it's time to work again.

"So quit. Just leave, and find another job" - but if I quit I'm back to jobcentre hell and my emotionally abusive dad will never let me hear the end of how he was right that I'd fail at this job.

It's awful but it really doesn't feel like there's any 'good' outcome for me here. I wanted change and I got it, but now I want to go back to how it was.

It's just down to what I'm willing to tolerate more - this job or more years of jobsearching, which will be made longer by the fact I GOT a job, lasted a month, and then left.

I could stay in a job that I hate, that physically hurts me and saps all my energy for anything at all even on the shortest shift, but at least I get paid (until they decide to let me go, like every other place, probably, but we'll burn that bridge when we come to it.)

Or, I can quit, be tormented by my immediate family about it, and go back to soul-crushing jobsearch hell where there's nothing for me AND I'm paid far less, but I'm not in physical pain and I get to actually feel like a human person some of the time.

Neither option is good for me, but I worry I'm going to be pushed into choosing sooner rather than later, so I'd like your thoughts.

When other kids elsewhere probably fantasize about this longer than I do, I think about this for a bit, before I start panicking about every worst case scenario. This is why relationships...in general, are a risk. They're painful, bad, and they're not a thing I NEED to live in this world, they're just a liability. Like, I feel like an adult next to these buffoons in school! They can't see the risks, the pains, the agonies, they can't see all those dirt under the nice leopard-print carpet! And you know what, I can handle being alone with no one! They're a liability and risk anyways. Being tough and ROUGH is the way to go! I'm not soft, and I'm not gonna be vulnerable with anyone! No matter how much I want it, it's a sin on my part! It's like wanting drugs as a teen, it may smell good but it's bad for you! Aren't there any perks to not showing your vulnerability? it helps maintain your composure, you don't make things awkward or dangerous at work, it can make you look really stoic and composed and leader-like, and it makes you focus more on yourself and learn self-work by your SELF. See? You may say hiding vulnerabilities is bad, but ugh, when some movie characters do that, bam! Trusted the wrong person! Look at Elphaba and Madame Morrible with the Wizard of Oz, they were shams who couldn't read the magic book nor make magic, only for Oz! And she for her whole life wanted to be like him, but he's a useless man! Even I tried remembering the Wizard was a farsi, before the movie confirmed it again, because he looked suspicious!

I can be safe even from the "nicest" people. I was only BARELY ALIVE when I trusted mom so much to tell her things like "If I got Rem for Diwali, more fireworks would've sparked in the bedroom!" and she didn't react at all or I actually listened when she said she wanted to be my confidant and she didn't maybe shame me, but who knows? Maybe that's her way of being judgy. Still, just now, I wanted to hang out with a neighbor, but her friend came and they had some school project so I was essentially the weirdo stranger from downstairs. She may say we can play tomorrow, but because of my gut, I don't trust her. I don't trust anyone, so, I'm giving equality to people. I even don't trust mom when she says if I don't trust anyone, I'll be miserable. I wasn't crying when I got home, I just said to myself, "You had a weird gut feeling, and you were right!" I just felt more gray than blue. Plus, in Indian airports, considering how dumb the country can be, whenever I see guard dogs bark and play with the security for a bit, and the security is armed, I think they're fools. My grayness isn't depression, it's realization of truth. I'll just be NATE JACOBS, minus the abuse and power play. Come on, as dumb as people can be, why go out of my way to hurt them? I mean, look what happened. I kept cool, prioritized her, and left! I'm mature because I didn't cry nor feel sad, I just felt like, "Good I considered this." Same thing goes for when some people from school wave in the front. I don't think they're waving at me, I've seen this trope in movies too many times to not be fooled, and I'm right. They wave at their friends. I'm mature than them, right? Right?? I'm predicting the worst so I don't end up in bad situations. Like, she said she was being mean by asking me to leave, when I was being mean! I came to her house when her friend was meant to arrive only 10 minutes after me, and I was really quiet when her friend came. So yeah, me even being here and existing is mean, because I bet I smelled or didn't look good that time! She's 10 and I'm 13, so it's weird!

In fact, I should stop hanging out with her. Or anyone. I should stop making plans for anyone, and if anyone invites me, I won't come. Wanna know my mature reason? One time, a friend of mine wanted to let us visit in some mall, and because of stuff and a party she had before, we never went. Not only that, she's now bigger buddies with another girl. Good for her, foolish of me to even accept it. I don't know why for a while I cried about wanting one friend, if this also a big unnecessary risk. I won't hang out with that neighbor again, because well, this is what'll happen. Same thing goes if I dare, DARE, fall in love and date someone at 16, and then break up and call it worth it, god forbid. I fail to understand how movies, and REAL PEOPLE, say it's worth it. If it was, why else did you guys leave? I'm being like Kat from Euphoria, she's cynical and learnt from movies that to be cynical is empowering. I need to shove and stop this feeling. I'm shameful to assume friends are important. I can live like the great Syd Barrett, who managed. He only died from pancreatic cancer. Relationships hurt me, even friends! I've been abandoned, because it was my fault! It hurts! So I'll reject it. It only causes pain. That kinda love is...scary. Why do they say it was worth it if it all broke up then? It never clicked with me. If I were in that, I would cried, moved on, and chosen the life of a celibate permanently because...this is the result of even trying. As much as I'd hate to say this, but...I'm scared. Like, genuinely, really, really scared. Oscar said the same thing to Alex in the book RWRB, he loves Ellen and even though they divorced they don't regret it. Well, I would a lot. If I knew the instability, even the smallest signs, I'd leave before it'll get worse. See? I'm asexual! I may fantasize about love and snuggling, but it's all a dumb thing! Hah, dad was right. I had a crush for a girl, I never confessed to her because as young as 11 I know how unstable they were at this age in "the real world". Then at 12 I wanted to be a great friend, we had the mall plan, it never happened, and now she's with another close friend. I tried messaging her but she never responded, so naturally, I deleted and she never noticed. Right now in school, I lost my desire to even have a class crush a year ago, so whenever they joke about crushes, I behave like this. It's like when a person sees a puppy, you laugh and go, "Awww!" If I saw the puppy, I'd be scared a bit and go, "Oh, a puppy. It's fine." I'm asexual because I'm mature. I'm asexual because humans are garbage.

But with everything that happened, it won't get better. It won't. It's just that I learnt to be a warrior early, at 11. Now it's time to be a soldier, then general. My dad even said a good point, maybe he's right this time. Him and mom being together because they were in a long situation-ship in college and early careers before marrying and still being together for 16 years, is pure luck because "most of the time it doesn't happen". He's right. Maybe I can never find a love unless I arrange or work "somewhere", if you know what I mean. Mom's wrong to say maybe I can meet people "like me", when I'm older, because mom has a mini-friend who's 8 years younger than her and even though they work in different companies now, they somehow make some small time. But, it's a farce! Mom doesn't even meet her most of the time, college I heard is a crap experience, work I heard from dad everyone are losers or idiots or very competitive, the Internet is weird, and even then, humans are garbage. This is the only time dad's right! I'm more embarrassed I thought I'd have one friend when I was 11. I'll never be ashamed by my SUPER SQUID DEFENSE SYSTEM. I'm not alone, I'm an adult at 13! I'm a warrior squid, an eel who bites before anything bites her! I'm better than my classmates! I'm smarter than them, and I can't be hurt easily if anyone leaves anymore! In fact, I can leave them if I detect an OUNCE of instability. I'm a diamond, unbreakable, and I can work under societal pressure. Trust no one, listen to the rules to be safe from people, and never fight back or else you're a "snitch". My brother said one of the reasons I don't have a friend is because I'm a snitch. Like a squid I can squeeze out of bad stuff, like an eel I can bite back, and like I diamond, I can never ever be scratched or dented!

I'm getting really annoyed with my friend B. he seems so distant now and everything I used to do that he found funny or smt he seems to find weird now, like he gives me a look when I do it. and he judges me for everything I do. Literally I've been changing myself so that I can be a better friend to him but he just doesn't appreciate at all what I do for him. it might sound like I'm being selfish but seeing as i've nearly lost sight of who I really am trying to be someone else for him I don't care how selfish I sound. and when he gets triggered he expects me to be like "OH IM SO SORRY R U OK DO YOU NEED A HUG" which I am like that when he gets triggered but he doesn't seem to care about my triggers or boundaries at all. literally ive had to start ignoring my own boundaries bc he ignores them all the fucking time. and I'm fucking done with it. I might be overreacting but idc. hes changed and now I'm not sure if were even friends anymore. when I'm triggered or upset he fucking jokes about it to "cheer me up" but I have music to do that. when I'm triggered, in the moment what I need is support and I never get that from him even if he's the only friend nearby when I get triggered for whatever reason, like he expects me to just fucking deal with it on my own. and yet he expects me to be there for HIM when HES upset or triggered! and then when I do to him what he does to me he's like "you are a horrible person" LOOK AT YOURSELF ASSHOLE! YOU DO THE SAME SHIT TO ME, YET YOU EXPECT TO GET BETTER TREATMENT FROM ME? THINK AGAIN BITCHFACE! and he also expects me to be interested in every single one of HIS interests and looks at ME like mine are WEIRD. He called me fucking PARASOCIAL for liking Kpop idols, like what? YOU SIMP OVER A FUCKING NUMBER FROM AN OBJECT SHOW! its like he thinks he's more important than me or something, and I'm done with it. I hate his fucking guts. I'm so done with his twisted idea of friendship . I've dealt with his shit long enough.

sometimes it really feels like no one even sees me, like i’m just some background noise in my own house. my parents are always busy yellin at each other or complainin about bills or stressin over stuff that i guess matters to them but like, never once do they ask how i’m doin. not even a simple “you okay?” or “how was your day?” it’s like they don’t even remember i exist unless it’s to tell me to do chores or turn the music down. i come home from school, go straight to my room, and that’s it. dinner is usually silent, if we even eat together at all. nd if i say something, they either ignore me or act like i’m bein dramatic. like bro, sorry i have feelings?? and my little sister gets all the attention too, like if she even sneezes mom rushes over like it’s the end of the world, but if i say i’m tired or sad, i just get told to stop being lazy. like wow thanks, that really helps.

at school it ain’t much better either. i got a few people i talk to but it’s not like real friends. more like people i sit near in class and joke with sometimes, but no one who really knows me. i don’t got that one friend who texts first or checks in or invites me to stuff. most weekends i just sit in my room scrollin on my phone while watchin the same shows over and over. nd sometimes i post stuff online hopin someone will comment or like it just so i feel like i’m not totally invisible. but most the time it’s just silence. everyone says “reach out” if you’re strugglin, but like… reach out to who?? the people who already don’t notice me? my parents who only care when i mess up? sometimes i just wanna scream like HELLO I’M HERE, but i already know it wouldn’t matter.

i try to act normal at school, smile and joke around so no one thinks anything’s wrong. but inside i’m just tired. tired of feeling like i don’t matter. tired of pretendin like it’s all fine. nd i kno people got it worse, i do, but that doesn’t make my feelings fake. i just want someone to care. like really care. not just when it’s convenient or when they want somethin from me. i don’t need big speeches or anything, just someone to say “i see you.” someone to sit with me even if we don’t talk. cuz right now it just feels like i’m floatin through life, watchin everyone else live while i’m stuck in this loop where nothin changes. maybe one day it’ll get better, maybe i’ll get outta this place, find people who make me feel like i matter. but right now? it feels like no one cares about me. and honestly… maybe they never did.

So my brother is apparently 'sick' but my mom doesnt believe him, so she told him that he was going to school instead of staying home. my brother kept on saying that he wasn't. me and my brother share a room btw. i was getting in some extra sleep while my mom and my brother were arguing, since I was ready by 7:10 am so I still had a good 30 minutes to sleep. when I woke up my mom called me down for breakfast. when I went downstairs I saw cereal witb honey on it, but there was a really small amount of milk. I genuinely cant eat foods if I dont like the look of it and I told my mom that I didnt want to eat it. my mom started yelling at me to start eating it. then my dad came in and started yelling at me. I told my mom that im sorry but I still dont wanna eat it. after that my mom threw the bowl of cereal at the table (it didnt break). she was just screaming at me about how much of a brat I was and then she threw the bowl of cereal into the sink. I just ran upstairs and started crying. then she told me to come down because I still need to eat. when I came downstairs and she saw that I was crying she just started acting like she wasnt the one screaming at me. she was hugging me and saying "dont cry sweetie". when I kept crying she started yelling again and then went back to comforting me. she gave me some leftover banana bread, but I was only able to eat an ⅛ of it since I was crying so much that I lost my appetite. after my mom dropped me off at school I went up to my friends. I was trying not to cry, but I just started crying infront of my friends. they were very confused and just stood there silently. after my classes it was time for lunch break and I told my friends why I was crying in the morning. they never gave their opinion on the situation, so do I have a right to be mad at my mom?

Hi, hope that you're ok and holding it together to the best of your ability.

This is just a quick vent. Understandably, these are feelings that would just be temporary, I get that. However, there is clearly some challenge here that requires solutions.

I am trying to move out but that is proving quite an issue on several accounts: 1) I am in the country with the highest unemployment figures in the world. We have students with Masters Engineering qualifications unable to find work, 2) Moving out is not a priority in my house, in my opinion, 3) I am expected to work around everyone else's schedule, which cuts into my hours for job hunting, international scholarship applications, 4) You're seen basically like a traitor if you won't comply in that regard, but everyone else is allowed to be lazy and have their own hours for doing what they want.

There are other reasons but I feel these are the main ones worth highlighting.

I just feel trapped and unheard. I am confronting this issue with them today. However, there is still that fear that I would be ostracised. I feel a tad miserable because of this.

Why do I still exist.

Well it's because of him ofc!

But... How long until he leaves?

You have him now, and that's all that matters, right?

But how long will I have him for?

... I don't know.

So you know he'll leave.

I know he'll leave.

Just like everyone else.

Just like everyone else.

I’m 32, been married to Jake for eight years now, and I gotta say, things ain’t what they used to be, especially when it comes to sex with my husband. Back when we were dating, and even the first couple years of marriage, it was like we couldn’t keep our hands off each other—stolen kisses in the kitchen, sneaking off during family gatherings, the whole deal. But lately, it’s like I’m invisible to him. I catch myself staring in the mirror, poking at the extra softness around my belly, the stretch marks from carrying our two kids, the way my boobs don’t sit as perky as they did at 24. I feel like I’m not as attractive as I was, and it’s eating me up inside. Jake’s still handsome as ever—those broad shoulders, that easy smile—but he barely looks at me that way anymore. We’re lucky if we have sex once a month, and even then, it feels like he’s just going through the motions, like it’s a chore or something. I try to spice things up, you know? I bought this lacy red lingerie set last month, spent way too much on it, and when I slipped it on and walked into the bedroom, he barely glanced up from his phone. “You look nice,” he mumbled, then went right back to scrolling. Nice? Nice is what you say about a new throw pillow, not your wife trying to seduce you. I felt so stupid standing there, like some desperate teenager. I don’t know if it’s me, if I’ve let myself go too much, or if he’s just not into me anymore. I mean, I’m not the same size 6 I was when we met, but I’m not a slob either—I work out when I can, chase our kids around all day, keep the house together. Still, I can’t shake this feeling that he’s comparing me to who I used to be, or worse, to other women. I’ve seen the way he lingers on Instagram models or those stupid ads that pop up, all flawless skin and tiny waists. It’s not like he’s cheating, at least I don’t think so, but it’s like he’s checked out. I’ve tried talking to him, dropping hints, even straight-up asking what’s wrong, but he just shrugs and says he’s tired or stressed from work. And yeah, I get it, his job’s demanding, and we’re both exhausted with a 5-year-old and a 2-year-old running us ragged, but shouldn’t we still want each other? I miss that spark, that heat we used to have, when he’d look at me like I was the only thing that mattered. Now, when we do have sex, it’s so… mechanical. No foreplay, no passion, just quick and done. I’m left lying there, staring at the ceiling, wondering what happened to us. I’ve read articles, listened to podcasts, even bought one of those “rekindle your marriage” books, but it’s hard to fix something when only one of you seems to care. I’ve tried initiating, but getting rejected—or worse, that pitying “okay, fine” vibe—hurts worse than not trying at all. I wonder if he’s bored, or if he’s got some secret resentment he’s not telling me about. Maybe it’s not even about me—maybe he’s struggling with something he won’t share. I know men can have their own issues, like low testosterone or stress, but he won’t talk about it, won’t see a doctor, nothing. I’m scared to push too hard and make it worse, but I’m also scared of what happens if we keep drifting like this. I love Jake, I really do. He’s a great dad, a good provider, but I need more than a roommate. I need to feel wanted, desired, like I’m still his girl, you know? I keep thinking maybe I need to do more—lose the baby weight, get a makeover, be sexier somehow—but deep down, I know it’s not just about how I look. It’s about us, about whatever’s broken between us. I’ve been thinking about suggesting counseling, but I’m terrified he’ll think I’m overreacting or that it’ll make things awkward. What if he says no? What if he doesn’t care enough to try? I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t want to keep feeling like this either—like I’m begging for scraps of affection. I just want my husband back, the one who couldn’t wait to rip my clothes off, who made me feel like I was enough. I don’t know how to get there, but I’m not ready to give up yet. Maybe I’ll try talking to him again, really lay it all out, typos and all, just like this messy, aching heart of mine.

Just for some context, I am a 14 year old girl. I have been in my first serious relationship for a little over a month now. He's a really nice guy, he treats me really well and makes me feel loved and valued. But I think I've become too attached for my own good. My life seems like it's revolving around him and when I can see him again. I get really disappointed whenever he can't FaceTime or text me. Because it depends on whether our parents' schedules align, we've only been able to see each other in person twice since school ended and most of our interaction comes from video calls and texts. I fully believe that I feel a lot more attracted/attached to him than he does to me. When I'm talking to him, there's the constant fearful background thought of "What if he breaks up with me?" or "What if he doesn't actually like me?". Taking into account that we're 14 and have only been together for a month, I'm not sure if this is a normal way to feel or not. How do I stop being so attached to him? Should I talk about this with him or not?

It's currently 4.30 am. And i can't sleep because of guilt. Because i haven't done any of the things I was supposed to and i feel like i dissapointed myself and i'm afraid i'm dissapointing others too. I wanted this year to be different, to not get myself in the same mess, but i made and even worse mess in the end. I've been feeling so tired and burnt out for almost two years now and i've trying to get out of It since, i've tried routines, habits, apps, everything to be more productive and actually get back on track but It Just keeps failing. I feel tired, and end up procrastinating and then i get anxious, start pacing around or scrolling and hiding in bed, and then i can't sleep at night knowing i'm ruining everything. My grades are only getting worse and i feel like i'm failing. And i feel so stupid. Because It should be easy. It was easy before. But then i messed everything up. And now i can't fix. Now more and more things are coming up. People expect things from me, and i don't even know where to start. My Mom expects me to at least be decent in school but i can't even do that. There are lot of tests right now and their all going worse than the other. I was forced to make the PowerPoints in out study group even though i said no. Multiple times. And i got set up to do even heavier lifting in the journaling club of school, and now i'm supposed to set up whole thing. When my 'mentor', the one who's supposed to teach me, ghosted me and hasn't done anything to start or help at all. I know It's my fault but i Just feel so tired. It's all too much and i'm too stupid to handle It. I can't do this. I Just want to hide.