Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I am sick and tired of being the friend who is always left out, forgotten about or pushed to the side. my friends have a tendency to get together and not even send me a text to ask if I can join them. It seems like I am only ever included in plans if I am the one making the plans. and lately I have been offering ideas, and I keep getting shut down by everyone. it seems like they always have excuses, and it makes me wonder how much they even like me. after i have been making repeated suggestions about hanging out or doing something together, a bunch of my friends got together to go to a haunted house, and I didn't get a text from a single one of them. I found out today that they had all gotten together. it hurts a lot to be left out like this, when I try so hard. I really love and care about my friends, but when they do stuff like this all the time it makes me wonder if they even like me, or if they are just always annoyed with me. or if they keep me around to be a punching bag. two of my friends have a tendency to joke about me and make fun of me a lot. now, don't get me wrong, I am completely fine with joking around. I think it can be great in friendships, and bring people closer. however, it starts to hurt when I never hear anything nice from them. some days it seems like any time I do anything they have to pick on me for it. I always just laugh it off, but it makes me start to shut down so they will stop. the other thing is that sometimes the jokes they make are a little too real, or too far. and it seems like they are really taking digs at me disguised as jokes. this has a tendency to really hurt me and get under my skin. but I always just play it off and pretend to be fine because I have no idea how to bring it up to them without being scared that they will say that it's all just jokes and that I am taking it too personally. I like in a tiny tiny town in the middle of nowhere, so finding other people to be friends with just isn't an option. and sometimes my friends are awesome and they make me feel like part of the group, and like they really care about me. other times it feels like they are just annoyed and ticked off at me. so I have just come to the conclusion that I need to start being my own best friend. that way whenever they do stuff without me I don't have to feel left out because I can just do it by myself. and if I want to go do something, I can just go by myself. I live in an extremely tiny town, which makes it quite difficult to find anything to do. but I will figure something out some way. i was just wondering if anyone has any experience with learning to do things by yourself, and any ideas of things for me to do for fun. or if anyone has any tips on dealing with feeling left out. thank you for reading, and I hope you have an amazing day

My bestfriednd always had bad taste in men, they're ugly with ugly personality, but her boyfriend right now is destroying the last bit of patience I had for her, basically the only good thing about that guy is that he's tall, but he's face heck it could give people nightmare, his personality? Manipulative, arrogant, egoist, narcissist and want to put his schlong everywhere, I tried multiple times to get her to see that he's a bad guy but nooooo "sHe cAn fIx himmmm " she ain't Bob the builder, heck her own life is crumbling apart because of him but she doesn't want to see it and now she doesn't wanna talk to me because "I'm a bad influence in her life...." I helped her study, helped her find a scholarship, taught her how to make a C.V and how to network, but naaaah, i'm the bad influence, i'm tired of acting like her mama and when that guy cheat ( I know he will cause he asked me for spicy picture)I ain't gonna wipe her tears, I will tell her I told you so, if y'all were in my place what would you do?

So, here I am, putting this out there because I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve always been a bit socially awkward, but lately, it feels like it’s getting worse. It’s like no matter what I do or where I go, I just end up embarrassing myself or feeling out of place. It’s exhausting.

Take last weekend, for example. I went to a party with some friends, thinking it would be fun and maybe I’d finally feel like I fit in. But the second I got there, it was like all my confidence disappeared. I couldn’t seem to keep up with conversations, and when I did talk, I’d say something weird or just... wrong. It’s like my brain and mouth don’t get along when I’m in social settings. At one point, someone asked me a simple question, and instead of answering normally, I just kinda froze and mumbled something incoherent. The look on their face was enough to make me want to hide for the rest of the night.

And don’t even get me started on small talk. I have no idea how people manage it so effortlessly. I either ask a weird question or end up making some offhand comment that just makes things awkward. I try to tell myself it’s not a big deal, but these moments replay in my head for days, making me wonder if I’m ever gonna get the hang of this. I mean, is there some secret trick everyone knows except me?

It’s frustrating because I want to be part of things, but my socially awkward side keeps holding me back. It’s like I’m constantly watching myself mess up from the outside. Sometimes, I wonder if this was a reality show, would people be laughing at my awkwardness or maybe even cringing? I just want to know if anyone else feels like this, or am I just alone in my own socially awkward world?

I am a 13 years old girl, i basically have some problems related to porn. I do not regularly access porn websites but sometimes i watch sex scenes in movies, commercials or series and masturbate watching it, and the problem is sometimes I ignore if the scene has a problematic context if I think is ignorable or i think its too late. I already passed through that dillema before but i feel this time is different, cause i have stopped watching stuff to masturbate, but 2 days ago i did again after months. I separated the times these things happened in categories that are what was the problem, If i was aware of it and why i did about it. 1st time: a commercial, the problem was it was sexist, i was aware but just didnt think about it. 2nd time: it was an ecchi anime, the problem was there was a problematic episode in it (not that one, that one was quite normal in my opinion) i was aware again and wasnt considering it at the moment again. 3rd time: a sex scene in a movie, the problem was the woman was cheating, o was aware but i just ignored it. 4th time: a porn anime, we know what kind of problems are in those, but i thought it was just me being to overthinker, so i ignored it. 5th time finally, the most recent, a sex scene in a movie, the problem was a selfish man who stopped caring once he came, i thought about it but i wasnt really insterested in him so i just pretended nothing was happening and focused on the woman. I dont think any of these situations changed the way i think, i still know its wrong, i just thought it was irrelevant enough to ignore. Thoughts?

Recently, my partner and I celebrated a huge milestone by bringing our newborn son, Noah Alexander, into the world. The journey to deciding on his name wasn't straightforward, but we immediately fell in love with the name Noah after considering various options on the day he was born. Just 24 hours after his arrival, we were thrilled to introduce him to our family members, including my partner's sister, Sara, who has two sons (Ethan and Oliver) with her husband, Chris. Chris also shares a daughter from a previous relationship.

During the introduction, Sara was among the first to learn our son's name. Her reaction, however, caught us off guard when she expressed, "I've always adored the name Noah, but Chris wouldn't let me use it for Ethan because his ex already named their son Noah. Could you possibly think about using his middle name, Alexander, as his first name instead? It really does sound lovely!" Firm in our choice, I reassured her that, while I understood her situation, we had decided on Noah and would be sticking to it.

I presumed that would be the end of the discussion, but to my surprise, the topic resurfaced when Sara visited us at home a week later. I pointed out that it shouldn't have deterred her from using the name she loved, especially since the two boys wouldn't likely cross paths. They don’t attend the same school, share the same last name, or have any direct link except through their shared half-sister. I even mentioned that using the name in the future still might be possible—it’s a common name in our culture, which traditionally strengthens the bond among children sharing it.

It's important to note that Sara and I had never spoken about baby names before, nor did we have any agreements concerning them. The only complicating factor seems to be Chris's challenging co-parenting dynamics with his ex, which understandably impacts Sara. Although Sara and I maintain a good relationship, she typically avoids discussing matters involving Chris’s ex, so my understanding in this matter is quite limited. Should I feel like I've overstepped here?

Imagine if all of this drama unfolded not just in our personal lives, but on a reality show. The intensity of the situation could definitely escalate with cameras rolling, capturing every expression and reaction. How would the audience perceive my insistence on the name? Would they side with Sara due to the sensitivity of her situation, or applaud our firmness in keeping the name we loved? Reality TV thrives on such personal conflicts, magnifying every detail and potentially swaying public opinion either way.

Recently, I've realized that when something goes wrong or I make a mistake, I get so frustrated that I make the situation even worse—worse than anyone can imagine. In that moment, I'm uncontrollably passionate in my rage to make it worse, without thinking of the consequences.

​I know this is a devastating fact, but right now, I don't know what to do. I'm in a full-blown rage at myself because of a mistake I made. I'm consumed by how I could have made that mistake. I want to punish myself terribly. I'm burning with anger at myself, wondering how in the world I could have made such a mistake

Literally whenever i try to comfort anybody they never respond or they just say something totally unrelated, which i dont mind but i wanna see someone happy, i wanna save someone, not for any selfish reasons, because it makes me happy when others are happy. (A picture of Kanade fades in/j)

Hey... this is gonna be tough to say.

TW // talk about rape

so... my partner, K, has been raped a few times in her life. I understand it to a degree, having been sa'd multiple times and raped once myself, but I can't seem to silence my thoughts. Whenever I am alone thinking, I for some reason start to think about the fact that she was raped, and I get urges to ask for descriptive details about them, things like who it was, what their relation was to her, where it happened, how it happened, what they did, basically things that should never be asked. I am not necessarily afraid that I am going to slip up and end up asking them, but I'm worried where they come from, because it feels almost like i want to know the details so i can imagine myself in that situation. Almost like I want to have lived her life and experienced all the good and bad she's been through and its kind of eating me up. I can't seem to understand why i want to be her so badly.

2/2/25 3:19am

I have so much to say although no understanding of where to start.

Recently I've become overwhelmed with a sense of boredom, somber, longing, pain, etc.

I've been thinking about my father, what would it be like to have a relationship with him

to have cherish-able memories of him, instead I'm left with nothing maybe a few pictures

even with 2yr old me in his arms. You know i didn't realize how much having a dead father

would affect me or if it had a take on me at all, it does. Every moment of everyday I'm left with

thoughts such as "if he was here what would be different?" "though he's dead is he proud of me?" "do you love me still? after all of my mistakes, wrong doings, lessons?"

I feel sick each time i talk to her about it, my mother... I remember one time i had brought him up

i had said i missed him but you know, she misses him more because that was her first love her soulmate, i was just a baby i didn't have anything, not a clue.

I lost my dad but she lost her soulmate, i refuse to argue or to even bring it up i don't even bring up his name anymore, what's the point? nothing is going to change and I'll never get what i need...what i need.

I feel guilty, sick, torn. I have Tim, Tim is like my father...the one i never had right....

he's been around since i was a baby took the parental role when my dad died.

I feel sick yearning for my dad when i have him, Tim.

I feel disgusted with myself entirely, i have an increasingly difficult time reaching out to anyone

family, friends. Papa, Tim he lives by himself my mom and brothers were with him at some point but he's alone now

he does so much for everyone and i wish i could be there with him so he'd never discover what loneliness is.

My mom and papas relationship is complex, honestly not my business and i don't wanna go on a full lore drop about our timeline, maybe another night.

It had seemed the day papa came home years ago, found my mom with an other man he left and nothing has been the same. For a long time things seemed to go down hill, maybe because i haven't taken my meds in two months that i feel like this. I dislike that i still get emotional over things i thought i healed from, but why am i lying? i know i haven't healed matter of fact i don't know how or where to start or if it's even possible, will i feel like this, think like this forever?

will i always struggle so hard? will i always need artificial happiness?

Some thing's I've realized over these few years is that I'm not tims daughter, i never will be, he accepts me cause I'm not the "ghetto hood rat" black girl I'm "whitewashed" apparently. they've worked to destroy and invalidate my skin color and culture, I've learned I'll never have a true significant meaning to any of my family because of different in every aspect, I'm the black sheep in a field of grey and i have to learn to be okay with that.

I know this is a drastic topic change but universe please give me a knowing sign, i need something I'm hurting so bad and i don't understand. I don't wanna be mean and quick to anger anymore...i don't wanna hurt anyone anymore. I'm so sorry.

I need help so bad.

I feel like vomiting i haven't been eating much recently, pushing back tears, i feel so pathetic i can't show my feelings to anyone without feeling sick and it seems that nobody likes me, what's wrong with me? am i annoying maybe to much or even not enough? why? why does nobody like me? am i not interesting or worth anyone's time? am i not deserving?

I wanna hurt myself it feels so good, so familiar its been a habit since i was 10 and i don't know if i can stay clean much longer.

Although I'm hurting and shit i can acknowledge my growth through this journey, though in some aspects I've also gotten worse or even fallen back.

I don't wanna die but fuck, it's like every time I'm suicidal it hurts so good and when I'm content and stable I'm on edge, waiting for something to happen mourning the temporary "loss" of my usual somber mindset and body language.

Its a cycle I'm slowing learning to break but sometimes i don't want to break it, i want to live in it bathe in it.

I want to tell my mom and crawl into her lap and sob till my hearts content, but no amount of crying can ease my pain, no amount of comfort, and I've learned that my problems will never sum up to anything because nothing I've been through is severe enough it'll all never be valid.

I think I'll always be this way, though i have much fortune that I'll never overlook I'll still always be this difficult, angry, and sad person who can't grasp anything, I'll always be the being who can't react without emotion and hurt.

I miss you dad

I have no one to rant to, my friends invalidate my feelings so I decided to hop on here.

To start, I have no siblings, whenever me and my parents fight, it's either it will end with silence or it will end with more bickering. I usually end the argument by staying quiet to avoid saying disrespectful and hurtful words towards them, but as time progresses, I naturally start realizing how hard it is to understand one another. It's like every time, we argue, I see the vision of me stepping away bit by bit, I love them with my whole heart, I genuinely do. But sometimes, I don't want to tolerate their attitude nor their behavior, I just want to blast myself with music, and slowly cry it all out till I'm drained. I reached my limit once again, when they said that I am just like someone that I don't really like, I was really in disbelief, because I try my best to differentiate myself to them. But it's obvious that it didn't work:) I am angry and hurt, and overall just disappointed. I know I am better than them, I different, but it seems like to them we are just the same. It pains me to even remember the words they said towards me, I don't know what to do nor say, I just want to cry and have a breather.

I feel sad today. I miss my ex and everyone, also sad about not being able to play my genshin on a decent device! and remembered, oh I'm on the last day of my period. Don't mess with me hormones lmao

I was in a wreck almost 2 years ago it has made me only able to walk with crutches on good day and wheelchair on bad days me and my husband have been happy but recently he told me " 1 miss having someone to walk with and hold hands with and isn't a burden and someone I can walk along the damn with I didn't sign up to be a caregiver this effects me more then it does you

" when in reality I'm the one most effected because we have a kid I can't chase him and play with him like I should I'm missing out on doing stuff with him unlike my husband I watch them play all the time outside, since that day I just hate my life because of this I hate not being able to walk and hold hands play with our kid, he can get out of the house whenever he wants to l can't l'm stuck here 24/7 he doesn't even wanna take me out to eat or anywhere when I'm able to use a cane because he doesn't like people looking at him, l didn't ask for this I feel like a burden everyday since it happened and now l'll how he feels

I feel I can't just leave my father like this. He's my doctor, and he doesn't deserve what he's going through, what I'm doing to him, leaving him, being at the mercy of such a huge mess because of me, and having to tolerate it. It's incredible how others want to take my parents' place at all costs. In fact, they don't know how to maintain it either, resorting to confusion worthy of the most serious and justified accusations.

In fact, I feel I can't allow my father to cease being my doctor because neither he nor anyone else has seen what caused my somatization. In fact, no one has been able to pinpoint the cause except for the therapist, who has been the most qualified professional. He, along with the other doctors, have applied desperate measures to resolve the situation, completely ignoring the psychological aspect. This has resulted in a sad, unsettled fishing ground, where everyone has tried to gain ground. In fact, I fear the doctors fueled this, and so did my father, an attitude that is immature from every point of view on both sides.

I don't feel either of them acted well. In fact, I'm open about going with one of them; I would definitely go with my father. If I go with another, the issue would be more complex, in principle, because there isn't the same structured trust that has existed for many years. On top of that, another person won't be willing to listen and sacrifice as my father does. In fact, the ground where everyone has their own life is at the mercy of being exposed. Indeed, the other professionals' fight for me is touching, but if I stay with them, it's detrimental to me in the long run.

The attempt to seize power by any means is impressive, even in the field of medicine. These professionals, including my father, should be ashamed. My body can't be a seizure of power, nor should any patient's. Truly, it's disappointing. Frankly, I don't want to speak to any of these professionals again. They don't measure the impact of their actions. In fact, they should have been even more cautious than my father if they wanted to win me over. I find them all worthy of distrust.

With my father, at least there are some comforts already established, even though the bond is the same as I would have with these professionals. That's why I see myself with this one. But, if I'm honest, I wish I wasn't with either of them because neither of them is committed to being in complete harmony with me. It makes me wonder: When will a mature person come into my life? In this case, I can't take care of myself as a doctor; in fact, I don't even like that question. That's why I say there must be someone who can at least adequately assist me in this. I don't know if I'm asking for some kind of guardian angel or something like that.

Why the hell should I depend on a third party? Why me? Why can't I depend on myself? Frankly, I don't understand. I wish things were different. I wish it all depended on emotions, but that would be like living in a daze and closing the door to that person if they came along. Why can't I trust any professional to help me?

In fact, I have to confess, I feel like the psychiatrist isn't helping me. She's not doing anything. I feel like therapy is just serving as a show for the professional. I hate that I'm serving that purpose. I would like a serious professional to treat me. When will that professional arrive, for God's sake? With which professional will I ever feel truly safe?

With which professional will I ever feel truly welcomed? With which professional will I feel they are leading me in the right direction? I feel in some way that I'm searching for my father in some professional, for someone outside who resembles him, given that I no longer seek him. However, that doesn't mean I've stopped searching for his personality in another person, just as it happens with my mother, and I hadn't realized it.

I have to say it: Where will I find the model of father I want? Where will I find the model of mother I'm looking for? Does it exist? Could it be that I'm there somewhere? I have to say it: Where will I find a substitute family model for mine? Whatever it is I want? Where will I be able to live in that family I so wanted? It was always my dream to live those years that I couldn't live and that I feel I deserve to live, that I feel that life owes me no matter what, because I feel that under no circumstances was it fair to have had a family so uprooted to the point of questioning whether there really was a family and not some kind of apartment with people who were living there by pure coincidence and by the grace of fate, which is how I felt at home, with no chance for anyone to leave.

Where is that house I love so much? Where is that home I long for so much? Where will there be that place where I feel I can live my childhood again? With whom will this be possible? With whom? Who will be able to make me fulfill that dream? Will the answer exist? Will it be worth it? Is it something I could regret? Damn.

I'm tired of searching outside for that childhood I couldn't experience with others around me. Although I confess, I feel I've achieved it, and that's precisely what my submission to my father was, the debt he considered he owed me, and I can understand why he pays it today, precisely for bringing me life and for having me live all these things when the conditions weren't favorable under any circumstances because, in the beginning, there wasn't anyone stable enough to help him with his, and that was exactly what he needed. I understand the financial support, the unchecked freedom, and the heightened restraint of my feelings; These were precisely the three missing elements he always wanted to give me, but for fear of the consequences of his environment, he never succeeded. These were devastating consequences that attacked him as the family's financial supporter. These extremes weren't something he should take into account.

I have to say it. After this text, I feel like I now understand my life as it is.

So like, my ex has been acting weird lately and I don’t know if I’m reading too much into it or if he’s lowkey trying to come back. We broke up three months ago, wasn’t even that messy but we both kinda agreed it wasn’t working. But now he’s liking my posts again, watching all my stories the second I post them, and even replied “lol” to one like bro what’s funny? He NEVER used to watch my stories before unless I made him. And suddenly he cares now? Idk if it’s guilt or he’s being nosy or if he actually misses me. One of my friends said he asked if I’m seeing anyone now and I’m like—why the hell would he care? We not together anymore, you don’t get to ask those questions.

Then this one time, I was walking by his group at school and he literally went silent, stared, and did that half-smile like he didn’t know if he should say hi. Didn’t say shit though. I’m not saying he’s obsessed or anything but if you don’t want to talk, then don’t stare. Just turn around or keep walking. Like stop being a coward. Another day, he texted me “hey” out of nowhere at midnight. I didn’t reply. What was I supposed to say? Hey back and pretend like nothing happened? He dumped me because he said he “needed space” and now he’s crawling back with one dumb word? Get the f*ck outta here with that. Boys are so confusing, they want you until they have you, then when they don’t, they suddenly remember how good they had it.

I swear, it’s giving “I miss you but I’m too scared to say it.” But then again, I could just be imagining all this and he’s just bored or playing around. Maybe he wants attention, maybe he regrets stuff, maybe he just likes messing with my head. I don’t even know what I’d do if he said he wanted to get back together. Part of me would wanna slap him and the other part would probably melt; and yeah I know that sounds pathetic but whatever. At the end of the day I’m human. Do I still have feelings for him? Not really, but also maybe a little bit. Sometimes I do miss the way things were when it was good. Not the drama though. Never that again.

Anyway, what do y’all think? Are those signs or am I just being dumb? Would you say anything if your ex started acting like that? I feel like I’m going crazy trying to figure him out. Should I just ignore it and move on or call him out and be like “wtf do you want?” I don’t need games, I just want peace. If he’s trying to get back together, he needs to say it with his chest. I’m not gonna sit here and guess feelings like I’m on some reality TV show. I just hate this limbo sh*t. Tell me what’s up or go away. Simple.

Sorry in advance for my bad English

People often told me that they wished they had my parents because im allowed to do so much stuff but in reality, im not that happy with my family at all. If I were to make a top ten of things that make me happy, my family would be at the bottom.

Sure, they buy me stuff, are kind of supportive in my choices but I don’t feel safe or comfortable enough to be myself. I hide clothes I know they’ll judge me on, don’t show them the stuff I make or things I’m passionate about because i know they’ll laugh at me or judge me for it.

For example, I recently went to a concert and had a very beautiful outfit. I was too scared to show them so I didn’t until he got home from the concert and their reaction was just like expected. They told me it was lame, that I looked ridiculous while all I wore was a dress with some tights and a headband. I didn’t get it. I missed the fun I had at the concert and my friends and it instantly ruined my mood. I cried after that.

At school, I can be myself. I show my friends all I’m passionate about and I don’t feel pressured to hide things. My teachers are very nice, I tell them a lot too but when I get home, I want to go away again. I didn’t wish I lived another life, I just wished I had another family.

And please don’t tell me that they’re just trying.. that parents get tired too or get angry sometimes too because it’s not sometimes it’s everyday and it makes me tired and sad. I don’t remember a day where I felt genuinely happy to be home.