Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I feel that one of the biggest problems we have today is that we don't understand that going from being accompanied to being alone is a matter of mourning, and that's why solitude is uncomfortable, just as it is uncomfortable for someone who lives alone to go to someone else's company. Solitude has its benefits, if used well, as does socializing, of course, also well used, because otherwise both can lead to disastrous results.

I've often been criticized for being alone, essentially because I don't adapt as quickly as others who like to live their lives in constant company. Indeed, the contrast is more evident, and that's why the fixation is accentuated in my case. However, for this to be truly realized, I believe that people need to begin to experience being alone and be in touch with their processes, that is, with the words they need to produce precisely to feel unburdened and therefore available to move in the circumstances in which they produce words.

Now, dear friends, what good does it do to share this if no one is going to understand it? It seems to be a purely intellectualized terrain, because in an emergency situation or where tensions arise, the tendency, if not the norm, will be to return to past beliefs, given that such knowledge has not been emphasized. Truly, I'm disappointed that I can't express these words to others, at least in my environment and beyond, in a way that I can trust that what I'm saying will be understood and internalized. I understand why when I vent, I have reinforced my attention on the activity itself, because I haven't found a way to achieve a transmission in a way that I can trust that another can sustain it, can give me stability, even with psychotherapists.

Precisely this difficulty in expressing what I feel is what has made me feel or realize that I don't express what I feel and that the good with which I respond only consists of referring to the fact that everything is the same as always, in terms of the execution of actions, and of which everyone knows or has at least an idea, but I never refer to how I feel. Generally speaking, I've felt fine within the scope of what has served me, but the fact is that I can't make it transparent, and that makes me feel suffocated when I socialize. Ultimately, it makes me feel and appear limited. I misinterpret this as a generalization to others, which consists of a lack of socializing tools, when I use them precisely when the routine between people is at risk of being lost. Otherwise, I simply follow the routine, which consists of being in harmony with others, without needing to agree or sacrificing anything important to me. My main goal when socializing is to maintain harmony and preserve it for the future.

For me, solitude is the ideal terrain because it allows me to progress in the development of my ideas from a systematic structuring, alienated from the pace that others may follow and that often results in stagnation and that has repercussions in an experience of situations consisting of an escape to reach a before and not in the awareness of the circumstances that built it, where we are equally immersed, just to evolve from said being before the world, a question that in itself is the resistance that concretizes said attitude of escape and therefore the return to previous circumstances but that unfortunately can fall into situations of great magnitude, absorbing people given the resistance, and blurring such a before to a format where it is perceived as before but that is not really, in itself, leading to a situation where we find ourselves deceived and more absent and vaguely available, which ends in being at the mercy of complex situations in the face of which we cannot and have to visualize that we are giving in, its exit to a pleasant situation being an already rough path. I find it indispensable development of these reflections, at least as a draft, but I know of opinions that show against it because such reflection consists of disastrous consequences consisting of a projected feeling, but that in themselves for me are appropriate precisely because they allow me to perfect the scheme until it becomes one of use in terms of visualization and consequent practice where I observe that it results in usefulness, essentially to empathize with what until now is observed.

I can relate to vecna, or henry with the cave, or memories. If I try to think back on my childhood theres a thick wall of darkness. Not so much scared. Or maybe I am. But so much hides behind it

When I look back most of the happy memories that are easily recalled were spent hiding at my second families home, the ?.

There is a cosplay event I wanna go to, and I'm excited because I've never cosplayed. But mydad may be in Qatar soon, so when mom says "I don't know", I'm the smart one for saying "It can't happen". She says he could come back earlier, but for the moment, I give up. Actually, for the next 3 months, I'll quit before I try. It's best anyways. Mom can't drive to Abu Dhabi on her own, she's too scared. It's pointless, anyways. I've failed far too many times, in a few years only, I'll reach 0. there may be creeps or someone who could do bad stuff to me, and Abu Dhabi is 1 hr away from my house, she's scared of driving that far, and who knows, maybe Joseph's hair is too tough even with hairspray and styling, and even then, I don't think I can go anyways because a disaster may happen. It's okay. I've failed exams, I've failed 2 art competitions already, I lack friends even though it's been many years to even have one, I look bad anyways, I'm stupid, so the best thing is to just wake up, brush my teeth, watch YouTube, and call it a day. I'll not even watch JoJo with mom, it's a dumb anime anyways.

I'll do what other kids do on weekends, wake up, brush teeth, watch videos for hours, eat food, watch some more videos, sleep, walk around in the house, watch some more, eat snacks, watch more. I did it for 2 months of summer break, and even though I hated it, I'm used to it. There's no use wishing for a unicorn, especially when a horse feels impossible too. Johnny Joestar became below 0, he was in the negative, he hated it, but he's used to it. It's impossible to even have a cow, that's how stupid this shit is. It's okay, I'm a failure anyways. I thought life would be more humble because I wasn't very successful, just decent, so it's fine. Failure becomes painless, and painlessness increases when you don't hope and you don't even try. My Johnny doll will probably suck in the future when I finish him, so I won't finish. Johnny at least had Gyro. I've never had anyone my age for 7 years, so why bother trying to dress up, trying to succeed in exams this time, finish Johnny, or even try anything new? It's pointless, anyways. Life becomes so unpredictable, doing nothing feels like a nice change. I don't even have 1 Gyro, 1 friend who tries to care.

If I'm worth nothing, I'm in peace. The acceptance of nothing is peace

I mean, one book said people are allowed to think low of you, so I can do it as well. I have no idea why mom cares so much. Her daughter failed her exams, can't go to IGCSE for that reason, failed 2 art competitions, looks hideous, has no friends, has no outstanding achievements not even one, I spend her money on figures and books, with dumb comics or dumb art instead of successful business books for the future, so why does she still care? Now living is the only dumb thing I'm good at. DIO was right about "Heaven", if I knew my fate, I'd have accepted my fate to the negative numbers more easily.

I haven't changed. I'm convinced I'll never change. That's fine. Change is meant to be scary anyways. Stagnancy is sometimes the best outcome.

I’m done and convinced nothing will change. I'll still fail miserable until I decide my life is pointless, therefore I'll die somehow.

Why do you still care? I’m worth as much as fucking dog-shit, anyways.

Dad will leave, “I don’t know” will become “we can’t go”, and I’ll never succeed in anything. Mom should accept the fact she has a daughter who’s gonna be a failure in the future. They say failure helps you learn, instead, I feel as if I'm going from 0 to -1. I feel more useless than ever. Why try again if all I get is just bad outcomes. It hurts, it hurts too much and it's a pain I'd rather die than live with it. How does my family even live with this...leech? The fact that all their kid does now is fail, fail, fail. They should give me away. They should honestly, HONESTLY, tell me I'm a disappointment to them, and wish I died. Life would be better if I did. Failure has hurt me too much, and the only way to stop this pain forever is to sit down, scroll, eat, sleep, and so on until I'm 30, which is my death date. What's the point of trying to help a useless person, what's the point of being nice to yourself when you know you could've done better in LIVING? Fucking cunts.

i feel like im not loveable at all. all the times i've asked people out i've been rejected and i've been ghosted by a guy that overall i felt was overall a fantastic person to be friends with but he's blocked me and is talking to others about "how much better life has been after cutting off that shitty friendship". all the people i've tried talking to about this i feel like dont fully understand as their all conventionally attractive people who have partners or are in the process of getting one. while im stuck as this damn fat autistic kid who's only relationship ever was with a toxic person who manipulated me. i dont feel like im anyones number one person, that one person you go to instantly when something comes up, im always the second medal and it pisses me the fuck off but i dont know how to fix that

I feel like I'll never see her again, and it seems unfair because we didn't experience many things. She simply said she didn't want to talk, despite reaching out after I acted a priori regarding my mental health. These are things she supports, however, it seems that when it comes to causing the damage, things change.

I was willing to rebuild us, without further complications. Indeed, I could have caused more damage, but I was willing to face it. She observed that I was afraid of her reactions, precisely because of what I would do with them. Without a doubt, I went to the services of the institution where she worked, but she had no other choice.

The scandal that girl caused was monumental. I can't pretend to be ironclad all the time. I don't know if she is used to submissive treatment in circumstances like these or if her environment is, but I definitely am not. I don't like being at the mercy of the aftermath, drowning in silence.

Such an act as hers ultimately implied a failure to manage her whims, to a certain extent a definitive abandonment. It's feeling that after what she did and provoked in me, she simply ran away from me, though not for any reason of her own. It's watching our relationship fracture precisely because of her, even though she was the one who had caused it.

We can safely say that she left me. Friends, boyfriends, she ultimately remains indifferent. Indeed, I felt it was unfair. I must admit that as time went by, I began to notice that she wanted to make less of a contribution to the efforts our relationship entailed, amidst her other relationships. Without a doubt, she succumbed to these latter, to the point of even relying on them to make herself less responsible for her role in our relationship. They even intervened.

It must be said, for my part, in that relationship, I was at a level of commitment, more so than accepting it as a zone of tranquility. That commitment consisted of ensuring that the relationship maintained agreements by guiding us through it, respecting the freedom with which we arrived and continuing to be in it. I didn't see beyond that because that wasn't my goal, but that doesn't mean I missed something amidst those details I discarded to focus on that goal.

At this moment, I don't know where she is, or even if it's worth searching for her. After all, if she's not willing to do something about her reactions, if she's not willing to surrender to the increasing magnitude of them, then it makes sense to face a beginning that would end in the same fate, another abandonment. It's curious, but the last time we saw each other, she didn't set a date for the end of this phase between us. However, we would fall back into the same cycle.

I'm not even sorry that I should continue waiting for her, as it would be another way of beginning and ending with the same outcome, assuming she still maintains the same relationships that included the one she had with me. Otherwise, we could indeed observe a level of commitment, as she doesn't retain the possibility of escape with others, and is supported by them as well. However, this would consist of the cessation of relationships with her surroundings, which, given this abandonment, must result in a strengthening of cohesion, also given by protection amid the circumstances experienced between the next-to-last and last time I saw her.

I feel no hope of seeing her again, and it's definitive. It would be a highly probable path to frustration to assume that adverse conditions existed. Despite everything, I feel there's something I'm omitting, I have to admit.

[Translated from Spanish. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

I feel so much anger. Am I really doomed to stay in the groups I’m in? I mean, if I end up in a group I’m already part of—say, a family group—am I condemned to be stuck with them forever? Is there really nothing I can do to break away? Do I just have to get used to it out of inertia? This worries me deeply.

I admit it’s hard for me to write because I come from a social network that censored truly beautiful texts I wrote to let off steam—something I found incredibly unfair. It made me feel completely lost when it comes to using that platform. My intention was to express myself and structure my thoughts—focusing on that structure—without really considering others’ views. The point wasn’t to stay trapped within those external conceptions, but to develop something from what I was expressing. I just wanted to say this in case anyone wanted to offer their perspective.

Anyway, ever since that experience on that social network, I’ve felt trapped. Venting is what helped me break away from my family, to carve out a safer space both within and outside that context. That’s why I say I express and transcend. Venting gives me a holistic view of things without having to exclude any terrain. But I realized something: I think I’m normalizing things about my family. I feel like I’m using my venting to smooth over rough patches caused by behaviors that made me angry. It’s like I’m helping to re-establish those relationships in a “normal” space—a space I try to maintain without digging too deep. I feel like that has consequences, but I don’t quite see what they are yet.

It’s hard to structure my ideas in this environment—it’s different from what I’m used to, just like that other platform was. The fear of censorship is still there. Those posts were removed for no reason, or at least I never got an explanation. I followed the same rules as other posts I saw there. I’m furious about it. In fact, it makes me feel like the outside world somehow wants to push me back into my family setting. And whether it’s about family or not, people always say you have to break away on your own terms, not because someone tells you to. Otherwise, it could turn into a tragedy—it’s such a heavy burden. There’s this girl—I'll admit—who told me she feels trapped in a group and doesn’t know how to get out. In her case, the group is actively trying to make her leave her family, creating a barrier due to past circumstances that now prevents her from reconnecting. That happened a long time ago, and I’ve kept it inside ever since. I just wanted to express it.

I don’t want to meddle in that girl’s life. I feel like I’ve already left my family space behind—I did so a long time ago. And my experience with her only helped confirm it, especially after going through some very intense interactions with my closest relatives. The closeness we had only pushed me to create more distance, and that made our superficial routines of togetherness even more unbearable. So when the time comes for me to leave, it won’t be entirely bitter—there will be something sweet in it too. This is especially relevant if I ever get sick and we have to interact again. I know that kind of interaction will be unpleasant for me, because it creates tension and unwanted closeness with my relatives—those who used to take care of me. So in a way, if I do fall ill, it would trigger a change in their routine. And I think they would, maybe subconsciously, begin to appreciate the idea of me moving on to a place where they can’t or don’t have to interfere. That would open the door to my independence at last.

I feel sorry for this girl. Still, I think I’m ready to defend the principles of helping her—offering her a fishing rod rather than a fish, so she can catch her own. At the time I met her, I think she was open to it because her need was great, though I believe that need was buried deep due to how embedded she was in her group. I had stopped reacting impulsively and disrespectfully, breaking her routines without warning—these were the patterns she used to destabilize people, myself included. Her group absorbed her completely, and she shaped her environment around that. In short, maybe I can support her.

I just needed to say all of this. I don’t feel particularly skilled at writing. I posted eight times. Maybe the way I wrote had something to do with it—perhaps I wasn’t careful enough in how I structured things. But I can’t focus on that right now. I need to express myself freely if I want to sort out my thoughts. I need to release all this mental weight and reshape it through structured writing, so I can, as I said, transcend it—and that helps me find order in my mind. What hurts is that this was already my second attempt to engage with that platform. And once again, it highlighted how hard it is to express oneself freely—which, ironically, reminds me of how much I need to express myself freely. Otherwise, I’m just crawling through a dark tunnel, getting buried alive or hitting a wall I can’t break through.

I also like when a space doesn’t allow too much outside interference—it helps me feel like there are steady receivers out there, even if the way I express myself is different. I know that’s not realistic in the real world, where we talk face-to-face, not through digital platforms. But this goes back to what I said earlier—it’s so hard to break away from the past. If something from the outside knocks me down, I risk being dragged back into my family’s orbit. And I don’t want that. I have to be very careful about where and how I express myself—so I can see where the boundaries are and navigate through whatever life throws at me.

Apologies if this came out a bit disorganized. After all, this is a vent—a need to breathe, to unload what’s suffocating me and leave it somewhere, so I can move on to other thoughts. That’s how forgetting works, as good ol’ Freud would say.

Uhh, lil update about what I texted before, basically my ex girlfriend (let's call her uhh "M") M wasn't the best, she didn't support my choices and thought that she was the only one important in the relationship. She's 11, 2 years younger than me, and she had only 1 week long relationships until I arrived (ours was 1 month and 2 days). Now I understood why. She's a manipulative person and she threatened me to kill herself If I didn't become her boyfriend again. I left her because I was struggling to stay in a long distance relationship and fuck, my mental health had fucked itself, plus i was starting to understand how bad she really was... Now she told me that she s3lf h4rmed and she sent me the pics of it.. and she told me "next time I won't be telling you "tell K I love her" (k is a friend of M and mine) but it will be " hey I'm m's mom.. she c0mmited su1cide... May i know why?"" And well I feel like I did something wrong...

She also told me things that made me look the selfish one that broke the "promise". Yeah, I did promise her that I wasnt gonna leave her, but fuck. We are 11 and 13. What the hell did you expect from it? And now I think I'm the one who deserve to D1e and that should have K1lled h1m s3lf. I already tried it and damn, i should have finished what I was gonna do.. now I keep thinking im the monster who hurted her and almost make her d1e... And same for K becouse she's like a sister to M and she's struggling a lot too, and if M d1es, K d1es too, and what should i do if they do so?.. I hope they won't..

Hello, right now i’m in a very difficult period of my life. There’s a lot going on and if you’re willing to listen, i want to thank you for your time. Please note: I will talk about mental illness, sexual assault, divorce and

I’m a woman, turning 25 next month.

In 2015 my mother cheated on my father, I was 14 at the time. To this day, I regret telling my father what happened, but I thought and still think he deserved to know.

They wanted to divorce but stayed together, my father begged my mother to stay because I was depressed and he didn’t want to make it worse. That is why I regret my decision back in the day. But honestly, I think that was just an excuse, because when they tried again. I was left alone most of the time while they went clubbing, dinner, anything really. I’m an only child so it gets really lonely. Luckily my attempts failed because I’m still alive.

After that in 2023 my father cheated on my mother. They’ve been fighting a lot lately and I’ve been their “love therapist” they are fighting constantly and honestly, I don’t think it will ever work out now. They both fumbled.

At my previous job, I’ve been sexually assaulted. Unfortunately this is not the first time—that happened when I was 20.

So at my previous job I’ve been sexually assaulted twice. I’ve been called racial slurs which is also not okay, definitely not okay, but for me it’s bearable. But after being sexually assaulted, I’ve been afraid. At that time I had a boyfriend, and I felt really guilty because I couldn’t be intimate with him anymore and I knew it bothered him.

Since then I’ve been unemployed, I’ve been actively searching for jobs, yet I keep getting rejected. I know I should keep going and don’t lose hope, but getting rejected over and over really did something to my self esteem. Even jobs I’ve done before and have 3+ experience of, didn’t want me. I’ve applied for almost anything from restaurants to warehouse to office jobs to opticians and more. Right now I’m at that point where my social anxiety is really bad, picking up the phone has been very tough after I applied to jobs—resulting in me sabotaging my opportunities.

The worst thing is, I know what I have to do, yet I can’t make myself do it. I’ve been trying really hard.

My grandma has breast cancer, my aunt has two tumors in her head, and my now ex boyfriend was an alcoholic. My other ex cheated and used my money to gamble and the one before gaslighted me telling he would kill himself if I would break up with him.

I’ve been thinking of ending it, but I won’t. Because I can’t bring my parents more sadness than they’re already going through.

Just now, my recent ex and I had a fight. He was drunk and said a lot of things that hurt me. And since I’ve had a bad day already, that really pushed me over the edge—I relapsed. I feel guilty towards myself for giving in. I feel guilty by thinking of suicide. But I won’t give up yet, I want my last memories to be happy, before it’s time for me to leave.

Thank you for listening about what happened, these were moments that have scarred me the most and I struggle with the most. I wish I could go to therapy to work on myself, but it’s too expensive since I’m still unemployed.

Please don’t be mean to me, because I’m really not that strong. Thank you.

—S

I like this guy, c, he is cute, funny, sweet. Literally checks all the boxes.

I've known C from school for 2 years but the first time saw him I was sitting I

In the school cafeteria and saw him walking by through one of the windows. My first thought was "oh, he's kinda cute". I didn't have any classes with him that year and didn't see him until the first day of school the next year.

The first day of school came, and because I am sooo lucky, I had art first period with both of my younger sisters. We arrived to class and he assigned us seats. I was sitting at a table with a girl and guy who are a grade lower than me, same grade as my sisters, and C. (C is in the same grade as me). Over the next 3 months I had the best time at this table, he made me laugh so hard.

Suddenly, my art teacher gave us new seats, and I wasn't sitting with C anymore. I was already sitting alone at lunch so being isolated from people who made me happy sucked even more. Eventually this really kind girl, G, invited me to sit with her and her friends during lunch. Me and G are now best friends. Well one of these girls, K, like C too. I was to afraid to tell anyone of my crush, plus I also wasn't sure it was a crush yet. Unfortunately, k and c ended up dating for a while and I decided I would never tell anybody my crush. Well the school year came to an end and they broke up. I left him alone and didn't see him again until next school year.

This school year c was in my science class. The second I saw him all my feelings immediately came back. He would occasionally talk to me and I would catch him looking at me across hallways and the cafeteria. I was elated. Little did I know my school was going to bump up to advanced science. I, of course, took the opportunity as it gave me a high school credit, unlike the other course. So, things went along as normal, c would still look over at me and I would look over at him, but neither of us ever made a move.

Then I have a sleepover with G and she convinces me to get his number and text him. She ended up finding his number and texting him on my phone, I was scared shittless, like I was a HOT MESS. He ended up not remembering me from art, or knowing my name, or even the fact that we had science together a month ago. That hurt, like a lot. I gave up, he wouldn't start the conversation, his texts were dry, and he never talked to me in school. Of course I would still get butterflies whenever we were close to each other, but I tried to convince myself I didn't like him. I told my friends my crush was over, I didn't text him again, and I pushed all thoughts of him out of my brain.

THEN I FIND OUT HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND

(This is like 2/3 months later)

I here one of my friends casually mention that C and V make a really cute couple to my other friend. My heart dropped. V was the one girl at school that I would constantly compare myself to.

She's prettier than me, has more friends than me, is cooler, taller, funnier, hotter, of course c wanted her, hell I wanted to BE HER.

I pushed down my feelings but now G is dating one of Cs friends so whenever me and G hang out with Gs bf he's always there, and it's SO AWKWARD CUZ I STILL LIKE HIM AND I THOUGHT HE LIKE ME

but apparently I'm just some delusional teenage girl who actually needs to chill out, cuz he has a gf, who's not me.

I don't know what to do, I've tried liking other guys, but I almost have to force myself to like them. I've tried ignoring him. I've tried talking to my therapist about him, not the fact that I still like him but she was there for when I started texting him and stuff.

If you guys have any suggestions for getting over somebody, that would be great.

Love y'all!💕

I have a big family that’s incredibly close. We have big family dinners every few months where we all meet at my great grandfather's estate and eat together. Typically, how this works is that the women go cook for the time they’re there and the men don’t, which I am fully aware is sexist as hell. That being said, I am one of the youngest people in the family and my protests mean literally nothing.

Some of those women choose not to cook; however, this is usually met with a level of ostracizing. The women who don’t cook are wives and long-term girlfriends, so they kinda already have a good family relationship established. When I have seen new partners not cook, it’s gone bad. Like completely ostracized, not speaking, cattiness, rudeness, etc.

This dinner will be in two weeks and my girlfriend was asked if she would attend. Initially, she said yes, which is great. I want for her to meet everyone and for everyone to get used to her being around, but when I explained to her the tradition, she was understandably bothered.

I told her that I understood where she was coming from; however, it was best for everyone if she just played along. I told her this isn’t a permanent thing and that I am only asking her to do this so that she can avoid bad treatment from the rest of the family. This is her first impression and I don’t think it’s best if we cause waves.

She told me that it’s unacceptable and that if she has to do that, she will not be going. I’ve tried to find a compromise with her on this, but she won’t budge and she’s pissed at me. She told me that if I think it’s acceptable to make her do this, I’m just as bad as everyone else, while my point is that she needs to make a good first impression.

Imagine if this was a reality show. How do you think my family and my girlfriend's reactions would play out on TV? Would the audience side with me, understanding the family dynamics, or would they see me as a villain for pushing her into such a sexist tradition?

In my entire life, I never faced any issues in maintaining a pristine shower, until I started living with my spouse, Mike. I've always been conscientious about cleaning our bathroom, giving it a thorough scrub once a week, and rarely needed to do extra apart from the occasional deep clean.

However, recently, I’ve been battling a persistent pink bacterial slime at the bottom of the shower and clinging to our stylish outer shower curtain.

Doing the laundry and handling about 90% of our house chores has always been my department. But, I had to draw the line when I suspected that Mike's habit of urinating in the shower might be contributing to the scum issue. Our shower setup includes just a stall with a curtain, which makes it likely for splashes to end up outside the intended area. Honestly, it wouldn’t irk me as much if it happened in a bathtub, where it’s more contained.

I should clarify, I don’t think there’s anything inherently bad about peeing in the shower. I simply requested Mike, quite politely on multiple occasions, to refrain from doing so, unless he was volunteering for scum-cleaning duty. His reaction has always been defensive, which baffles me—why is such a simple compromise to improve our living space seen as unreasonable?

Is it unjust of me to restrict his ‘shower liberties’ in our stall setup?

Imagine, for a moment, having this issue aired on a reality show. Visualize the debates it would spark, not to mention the potential amusement or horror of viewers worldwide! It certainly puts the topic into a bizarre perspective, pondering if the public opinion would lean towards sympathy for my plight or support for Mike’s restroom freedoms.

What's your take on restricting bathroom habits in shared spaces?

At 22 years old, my connections to my father's family have been incredibly sparse. My father has been gone for some time, and during his life, we barely mingled with his relatives, maintaining only the most minimal digital contacts via Facebook. Unlike some families that are constantly in touch, neither my father nor his family made significant gestures to bridge the gap between us.

My father’s death struck when I was just entering my teens. By that time, I had already moved countries to live with my mom, and we were mired in financial instability. His passing was abrupt, and we couldn't afford to travel back for his funeral. During that period, I was left out of any funeral discussions, not invited to contribute in any memorials, and the silence from my father’s siblings was deafening—they didn’t even notify me directly about the arrangements.

What stung the most during that time was the utter lack of support from my father’s side. Despite knowing our financial plight, no one reached out or offered any assistance. It felt like they just carried on, dealing with their grief while ignoring ours. It was as if they barely acknowledged my existence or the financial turmoil his death threw us into.

Fast forward seven years, out of nowhere, I start receiving calls from these relatives. Apparently, there's a piece of land from my grandmother that requires my signature on some legal documents. With each follow-up call, they began to lay thicker layers of affection and offers of support—sudden declarations of love and proposals to send money or visit. I replied as cordially as possible to avoid conflict, but my frustration boiled over when one relative dared mention my father's funeral, reopening old wounds.

In response, I vented my feelings through a Facebook post, expressing my disgust and rebuking their belated expressions of love. The notion that I should reciprocate their feelings seems absurd—it's hard to love those who've been essentially strangers, bonded only by blood.

Reflecting on my outburst, I’m left questioning whether my harsh words were undue, especially towards relatives now in their twilight years. Perhaps they do see echoes of my father in me, but that doesn’t automatically obligate emotional allegiance from my side.

If this scenario had unfolded on a reality TV show, the spectacle would likely ignite a flurry of public commentary and speculation. Viewers would probably be split, some empathizing with my feelings of abandonment and betrayal, while others might criticize the harshness directed towards older family members. Reality shows thrive on emotional drama, and this confrontation has all the ingredients of a high-tension moment that could spark widespread discussion about family dynamics and personal pain.

Was my response to my estranged relatives justified?

sometimes it feels like nothing around me is real

like a few days ago I was at a marching band competition and we were walking back to the busses after performing and suddenly it felt like I was walking in a dream, thing felt distant even if I was right there

it's happened before but it never lasts long

any advice or uh like answers?

Dear mummy,

words can't even begin to describe the kind of pain it is to be your daughter. I've known you my whole life yet I've completely failed to understand you and why you choose to be the way you are. I've failed to understand your refusal to take accountability for the problems you continue to create within our family.

I understand that you were born in a different time where abuse was a style of parenting, and where children were seen but not heard. I understand that you were raised to think that these sort of things were okay. but in your 50 years of living how have you failed to see that this behaviour you continue to do is exactly what's affecting your relationship with your children. A relationship you so desperately want yet refuse to fight for. I don't understand why you're afraid of your children leaving you when you're older, but you refuse to care and nourish them while they're still here with you. aren't you contradicting yourself mummy? why do you make it your life's mission to create division between the children in this family and the turn around and ask us to be united and love one another. are you not being a hypocrite mummy? why do you continue to coddle the boys in the family and forbid them from lifting a finger, and then turn around and blame us girls when they behave like selfish, inconsiderate bastards. Was it me who raised them mummy? I don't think you understand the kind of environment you created for us mummy.

I was raised in a house where I wasn't allowed to make mistakes. a place where my opinions didn't matter. a home where facts were void because you're the only one who could ever be right. I can't even count the amount of times where you made me feel so ashamed for existing in the body I do. If it wasn't my weight that was the issue, it was my gender, and if it wasn't that then it was the fact that I was unfortunate enough to look like my father. You quite literally raised me to hate myself! but on the few occasions you take an interest interest in what I have to say, you act surprised when I tell you that I don't really like the way I look. One time you actually had the audacity to ask me why I wasn't confident in myself like the other kids. I even specifically remember you asking me why we're not close, and why I don't tell you things. You expect me to behave like a child who was raised in a home where her voice mattered, a place where her questions weren't dismissed as disrespect. but honestly mummy your like a sculptor who never touched the clay but demands a masterpiece. And for that I will never forgive you, no matter how much I love you.

I used to believe you'd change, but time and time again you proved me wrong. I hope you know that all those times we argued and disagreed on what you were doing, I was trying to mend to our relationship. I hope you understand that all those times I was being a "disrespectful child" who "talked back to her elders", I was hoping you'd understand that I fought because I wanted a relationship with you. But now I understand that you are simply too proud to change. Too proud to even consider that maybe you went about motherhood the wrong way. But it's ok. Knowing this has honestly freed me. I'm no longer the girl who's filled with jealousy when I see my friends have fulfilling relationships with their mothers. I'm no longer the girl whose eyes fill with tears when I see someone on TV who reminds me of you. Because at least now I know where we stand.

Sincerely your daughter

Lately a lot of people are getting sick or leaving their jobs. This is a problem for me because we don’t have enough people where I work and right now I’m the person who has to cover when someone’s away. It’s not fair. People are getting frustrated and they’re taking a lot of time off and the other people were working have to cover it. I don’t know what to do half the time. I’m just hoping they come back yet they don’t. I just wish we have more people to fill in. I don’t understand why they don’t wanna come to our job place. It’s just frustrating. I’m just praying that the person who is away today will come back tomorrow or there’s someone filling in because I don’t wanna do this every time because I have other stuff too at my job.