Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

TW!! abuse, neglect, sh,

when I was a kid, my dad was very abusive towards my brother and myself. I can still remember that all so vividly. like I just saw it. I remember getting beaten for not wanting to eat, I remember the ride to the police station. I remember it all. I don't remember, however, turning up at my grandparents house. we got sent to live with them due to our mother and father being not suitable parents. and for as long as I remember I would always be forgotten. when they all took a two week trip they decided last minute I shouldn't go. when we were going to a carnival, they decided that since they didn't want to have to deal with me I shouldnt come. its been a constant cycle of this sort of thing, they used to only care if I got hurt when they needed and excuse to be mad at my brother. the guilttripping was and still is so bad. In my first year of high school, my mental health got really bad and I was hanging around the wrong crowd who convinced me to hurt myself, and told me ways to do it. so when I realized this was a bad thing and told one of my favourite teachers, they rang my parents. my pop picked me up, and kept asking "why would you do that." as if I was inconveniencing him. and when I got home the took my devices. they didn't ask what happened, they didn't care. they didn't check to see if I was still harming myself. they just said "if community services finds out you do this they'll take you away." and for months they treated me like I was a majorly unintelligent person. when I did get my phone back they would turn my wifi off all the time. I was only allowed one hour, and then the next term or so, my ex boyfriend sexually assaulted me. when I told them, they ignored me. they refused to acknowledge that happened. they treat me like I'm inconvencing their lives by existing. if I told them anything about my identity they would kill me. they didn't care who was hitting on me. they didn't care who was hurting me, they don't care if I'm being bullied. and they only notice the results of these things and blame it on my phone. multiple times I would cry just loud enough for them to hear. hoping they would comfort me and they would just tell me to shut up.

Think about it, there's more benefits to it. You're less surprised by tragedy, you are alive because everyone are liars in your eyes, and when you get hurt, you already knew this was gonna happen.

Really? So far I've had no friends and my family hates that I'm negative. I'm not negative, I'm honest. They hate the fact when I tell them there's no hope in this planet, and that everything is pathetic, and how I won't even be rich and alive to see 20.

People already struggle in this era, so what else is next than to give up and be on the unemployment train? Or vouch for communism over capitalism? I even became negative and I'm happier that zone. It's my comfort zone.

The moment my friends moved on and had their own groups without me, I became the cynic, the dark, the grim. I soon realized at 13 to live in the world, you have to trust no one, not even your family or your home country.

You must hate everyone, and distrust everyone. You must live in fear and disgust of humans, because they try to force-swallow their nasty happy pills down my throat and "be positive".

My family doesn't love me, I'm just a resource, a toy given to them because they wanted to fill out a norm. Have a tall husband, short wife, and 2 kids, one girl and boy.

Benefits of being pessimistic (which even the adults on the room can’t see for some reason):

1) Has a lesser painful impact when being betrayed by something or someone because you low-key suspected the thing with you was a fake

2) Are actually more smarter some you are able to see the messy sides without being too surprised

3) Have enough permission to tell someone, “I told you so!”

4) Able to feel smart and actually be confident because you have enough evidence and gut feeling to prove your point that everything is hopeless

5) Able to understand the world is a mess because everything is too expensive, too less, people can be evil or bigoted, able to see and grasp the flaws of populist people (and people in general) more easily

6) Can rot and feel hopeless without feeling drained or physically affected because already predicted the (crappy) future, in fact can actually thrive in such mental states

7) Able to handle bleak honesty better (like being told “I don’t like you” or “You’re worthless and ugly”) because the pessimism tells you it’s true

8) Great personality trait to have because it meetings and in jobs you can be flat you “ruined” (correct word: told the truth) to your dumb, optimistic puppy employees

9) Can handle isolation and loneliness better (I lasted 7 years with no friends or contact to any classmates, and I’m 13!) because you know everyone, even the adults, around you are idiots to never understand

10) Can grasp the fact the adults are stupid and uncultured without crying because it was already predicted

I can do all that without feeling bad! I can fail and berate myself, and I'll be fine because I'm in my comfort zone. Isn't everyone happy in their zone?

I even felt embarrassed after I got excited because we went to a park we never went to and saw hoopoes, ring-neck parrots, mynas and it had some interesting empty restaurants and 2 colleges nearby, and then I petted a cat on a bench, until I started feeling more itchy, my eye swelled up red, and I realized the doctor was right when she said I have an allergy to dust and cat hair.

So see? I should've just sat, even though I liked walking, seeing the birds, the place itself, and having a nice bubble tea with my mom and brother. I should've argued with mom about my ideology that pessimism is the way to go, rather than let her read her book and me walk around.

That would've ended than us being peaceful and mom not yelling. That cat ruined it!

Sure it didn't bite or scratch me (I would've berated myself for rabies risk), it was oddly quiet and it was weirdly so comfortable to the point it sat on my lap and it didn't even try to attack me when I picked it and lightly threw it on the ground (it's a cat so it can land on its feet, and cat didn't even meow), and when I scratch and petted it, it seemed fine, it sat another time before I picked its belly and put it on the bench, and his eye also looked kinda swollen, until I started itching and my eye also got swollen, and mom in a kinda disappointed tone said, "Oh, why did you do that?"

Before we got bubble tea and I put the drink on my eye to cool it, then at home (after we picked my brother in the same park from his piano exam. You see, in one area there was an auditorium hub, and he did it there, we were just nearby) I put the ice pack on my rash, eye and mom put eye drops.

It's better now, but I shouldn't have done it! Still, I shouldn't have trusted my gut, and I should've never sat near that thing.

Hell, I should've argued with mom about my philosophy, instead of excitedly telling her about the hoopoes and ring-necks like an 8 y/o! I'm 13!

Isn't it just stupid I got excited over a dumb bird, and a bit confused why an Indian parrot was in UAE, and there was 6 of them near the college (it was Middlesex University in Dubai)?

I should've argued and be cynical, that's more grown up! I may have been happy while roaming around, but not everything happy is good!

And why was I even looking around the place and drinking that with my family? I should've asked for a coffee, like adults!

I'm not pretending it never happened, I'm admitting it did, and admitting how much of an avoidable situation it was!

It's a stupid stray cat, it's not like it's gonna cry if you leave it!

And I was even dumber for thinking it was a calm cat, it was, it didn't react much at all (I know it's not dead, his eye just looked weird, and I hope he was alright, showed no signs of sneezing, coughing or snot, his left eye was just swollen), even when I picked it up and put on the ground first, and then the chair, I shouldn't have trusted that fiend!

And why did my left eye also get swollen? Again, I was being stupid! People with allergies don't go anywhere near things they have reactions to, even if it's not anaphylactic!

Again, what allergic person goes near their allergies? Lord knows I was being stupid. I shouldn't have trusted it. It may have been gentle, maybe kinda old, but I shouldn't have even thought about going there.

This is one of the memories where being calmer and hopeful hurts you. This is the other chapter in my book of that.

Stupid cat fur. Can't even be a normal person.

But my benefits! Oh, don't tell me, "Be positive!" Again, it's happy pills institutions feed us to keep us controlled. That's like saying surgery is bad because people die from it. More people have lived!

If I apply the same with everyone, family, friends, teachers, strangers, I'll be alive. I won't be on the ground betrayed by a fraud.

More people have been hurt by surprises. So, the more I expect down, I can never be hurt. Better to never be hurt ever than get hurt once, right?

Come on, if I don't trust anyone, I'll be fine! It's how we work, right? People wall up all the time. Don't they?

I mean, army men don't trust EACH OTHER, so? I can wall up forever, or at least decades and be okay! It's how I managed without friends! Hermits did it! I can have that life!

Another thing, how does looking or doing things you like supposed to make you feel better when you failed at something?

Again, I didn't draw for months, and then during that time, I made mood boards and just sat at home doing nothing. Then, when I failed 2 of my exams, I turned to watch what I liked, created more boards, got back to making my doll, and eating, and wanting to go out to malls to cure my misery.

Yeah, useless. This is fleeting joy. This isn't the joy where you are happy for life. It still means I'm a failure to my family, even if my mom says I'm not a failure.

Exams will define my college selection, my grade promotion, and life! Says the woman who got 70/100, thinking she failed when she's top 5 scorers in school for getting 85-95!

Again, I always think she's lying. What's the catch? What's the hidden meaning behind, "We may argue but I won't leave you and stop loving you."

People leave when they have a big argument after many microaggressions, or maybe one big thing happened and they all hate each other! They fight and leave, it's the big thing that holed their relationship!

Movies show it, and they're praised as realistic, so explain this. My brain's a soldier in armor for knowing this and suspecting this.

Guess what? Okay, maybe my arguments are the micro-aggressions, until we have that BIG FIGHT, and she sends me elsewhere!

Don't tell me, mom, that you won't send me anywhere or deport me back no matter how angry you are, you will soon.

I have maturity in pessimism than my family, so at least I'm good at that and nothing else.

I'm smart. I'm confident because of it.

My mom spews trash when she says, "Don't talk about your miseries all the time or any bad thing all the time, we just did something good yesterday."

We may have binged a show we liked, had good food, went out to a new park we've never been to, and had bubble tea, but to keep myself not too happy, I have to remember the bad things.

Isn't it how we keep ourselves in check and not too...joyful?

Joy can make people do stupid things, and when you distrustful of everything, you'll have all the things trying to hurt you not hurt you.

Isn't numbness good?

And so what if it's a cage? Better than to fly in a forest where you could get eaten by an animal.

Flying's bad in that case. It's a cage that keeps me safe, with food, shelter, confidence, security, and my thoughts.

I'm fine here! In fact, I'm happier here than being positive. I'm happier here, it's how I've managed for years, I only got more emotional when I started listening to my heart.

It shouldn't be there! I should grow out of it. It may be screaming me to not be this "hard", but it's being stupid.

It's like a kid telling me not to watch TV today or I'll go blind today and need a walking stick.

See? I can be happy being alone when thinking negative, because how can anyone hurt me or leave me?

Bad things only teach you they're bad.

You break up with someone when you both couldn't control it, it was worthless.

If you studied and still failed an exam, it was worthless.

You had a friend who moved from you, that friend was worthless.

If this is "living", I reject living. I accept survival.

Seeing pain as bad, and emotions as bad, it's how I've coped for years now. I managed since I was 12, for some stuff, but it's increased now at 13.

I was okay until I listened once to my heart. That made me feel bad, and it made my mom be a "friend".

Who has their mom as a friend?!

I've been vulnerable to a teacher, and she took me too literally! She got me out of school for 3 days, when I felt perfectly fine to go!

And even I feel guilty, and now mom's all like, "You should now speak to me, because only I know you better than them."

Hag, you're my mom. Who has their moms as confidants!?

I'm supposed to have many friends at this age, not be alone with mom.

I can even fake with a few people to look cool! I'll figure it out!

Everybody else has friends. I don't. I'm 1 of the 2 kids in the class with no friend. There's only one girl, but if I spoke to her, it'll be awkward. She's very quiet, very soft-spoken.

If girls can fake boyfriends and then fall in love like in movies, I can do it with friends!

If I DARE get awkward, it's bad. Means I'm weak, shameful even.

I must fake it. I can forget it exists if the sky has smog in it. I'd rather breathe in my own breath than that in my cage.

Everything uncontrolled is bad! I'm allowed to be a hermit!

You may say hermits were missing human connection but they convinced themselves it was fine. Why can't I do that?

I'm a martyr for that. I'm a martyr for isolation.

So please, people here, what happened when you were pessimistic for a long while? I bet it benefited you more than gave you issues.

But be honest, tell everything...

Long vent

Super, super long day today. I feel exhausted and just honestly like a wet rag.

Had two tests today and idk how to feel about them. I don't think they went bad, but i do think i could've done better. I did study, but not as much as i wanted to, cause yesterday i felt really bad and couldn't continue for a while. I just kinda wanted to go home and sleep forever, but then my mom told me that this morning my grandpa called (from my dads side, we're not good terms with them) and got aggressive and insulted her over the phone. Now she'd like me to call him and defend her, I think. Maybe argue back and throw some insults of my own. But i get really nervous in arguements and It takes nothing to make me start crying, and Just the thought of calling and argueing with them specifically freaks me out. I don't know what do right now. I'm just tired of everything.

hello , i want my identity to be anonymous and don't want to tell more about myself i am a 20year old female and i am a student. recently i asked a question to my boyfriend what is it if you ask i asked hi m about thier parents approval in this relationship where he is a muslim and i am a christian it was a very happy and healthy relationship of 1 year we were about to celebrate our 1 year aniversary and i asked this question at 18th of january 2025 i asked him what if your parents does not accept our relationship what would you do and he told that he wants both of us and i told him what if there is a situation arrives where you need to choose between me and your family what would you do ?? as a curious girlfriend i asked him this question and what he said stunned me within an hour or so he came to a conclusion that we should end it here and lets not go long way and get hurt and tells that he is doing this for me and told that he is doing this for me and he does not want to hurt you and keeps silent these all happened in call when i went to talk in real with him he ran away currently im in holidays and im in excruciating pain i dont know what to do but i think if we talk in real there might be a chance that he will realize what he is doing now should i do it ???

I'm not a particularly religious person, and usually, I respect everyone's beliefs as long as they don't impose them aggressively on others.

I'm employed as a delivery driver at a local pizzeria. Typically, I cover the morning shift alone since it’s not usually very hectic.

Today, out of the blue, a call came from a woman requesting a large order to be delivered to the nearby hospital. It took quite a while to prepare because of the size of the order. Meanwhile, another order was placed online, destined for a church, which happened to be in the complete opposite direction of the hospital. My boss had to inform the woman at the church that her delivery would be significantly delayed due to the circumstances.

Once the hospital delivery was done, I headed back to the shop to pick up the church order. I heard that the lady from the church had been furiously calling the shop, complaining about the delay. She did not seem pleased when I finally arrived with her order. Her first words were, "I don't care who's to blame, but this is forty-five minutes late. This should never happen, I've got hungry kids waiting."

I chose to remain silent.

"Not much of a talker, are you?" she prodded.

"Just trying to ensure you have a good day, ma’am," I replied coolly.

She scoffed, turned away, and as I muttered under my breath, "That’s very Christ-like of you."

Returning to the shop, predictably she had already called to complain about my 'mocking' her faith. My manager isn't my biggest fan, so she took the opportunity to lecture me about customer service, demanding I always apologize and smile, regardless of the situation.

I questioned whether it was justifiable to apologize and smile after being verbally abused, and she nearly terminated my employment on the spot.

Since I was already doing overtime this week, I decided to wait till the end of my shift today before quitting.

Does that make me a bad person?

Imagine if this scenario unfolded on a reality TV show. How intense would the reaction be on social media or among the show's viewers? The dramatic interaction could potentially become a pivotal moment, underscored by debates on professionalism, religious tolerance, and personal limits in service-oriented roles.

I'm not really sure how to write/explain this, so this story will probably be very messy and not make a whole lot of sense.

I am currently 19 years old, and I feel like I have nothing and everything. I feel as if I could go out and get anything I ever wanted like money or assets or whatever, but the one thing I actually want is someone who actually cares about me.

Over the years, interactions with friends and family never felt like they were talking/hanging with me, rather they felt like they were doing it out of pity. I have always felt like people I care about don't really care about me, and these feelings are only reinforced by a lot of old friends and family suddenly leaving me.

I used to have a few childhood friends. I used to be a huge extrovert back then when I was a kid. Two of my childhood friends, April and Suzy, "cut" contact with me. They didn't really cut contact with me completely, I still have contact with Suzy, but we never talk. April is a huge introvert so I never talked to her when we got older. Whenever I talked to Suzy she always gave me dry responses and conversations only lasted a few minutes if that. I used to think she was just busy but she eventually just straight up told me she didn't want to talk to me. I still have no idea what I did or said to make her suddenly hate me. I don't even know if she really does hate me.

The same situation somewhat applies to my parents, that I feel like they don't really care about me. When I was a kid, my parents always argued over everything, sometimes they argued with my brother. I was never part of these arguments since I was so young at the time. All I remember is the only time my parents would interact would be more arguing or if it was dinner time. The only time I really did anything with my parents was during holidays like christmas. I never saw my mom during christmas or thanksgiving, since she went somewhere else for holidays. My dad would tell me she was cheating or that she didn't care enough about me to go to holidays with my dad. During Christmas I remember the tree being filled with presents. I never really wanted to open any of them. To me they felt like toys I would get bored of in ten minutes, reinforced by the fact that at the time my parents would say they were from santa. I would always rip open the presents and after they were all open I would go play with my new stuff and my parents would go back to doing what they did every other day. My dad would watch football and my mom would watch netflix. I have no idea what my brother would do since he was always out doing something.

To be honest, I hate my brother. He's trans and goes by she/her now, but I respect him so little as a person that I don't bother with his pronouns, especially considering how angry he gets when someone misgenders him and the fact that he just sucks as a person. I respect pronouns but specifically not his.

I think the hate for my brother started when I was about 8 or 9. He would always try and get me to do stuff and boss me around for no reason. He would also try and get me in trouble all the time, in hopes my dad would beat me. My dad is old fashioned so he would beat us if we fucked up. I think I really started to hate him when I was in my early teens. This was when my mom and brother had moved out, and my mom had custody of me. My brother took the role of the punisher for some reason so when ever I messed up he would be the one to punish me, usually by taking my xbox or phone away. But sometimes he would do it just because he could. My brother was a lot bigger than me, and he would take my stuff just because he wanted to, and would always make up some excuse about how it was "my fault" my stuff was getting taken. I remember breaking into his room to get my stuff back and running off to my dads house so he wouldnt be able to take my stuff.

I also kinda hate my dad. He's really old fashioned, and he was raised by farms people and grew up in the country rather than the city. I think my hate for him started when he had his stroke. He lost control of his left arm and left leg, and completely gave up on physical therapy. To this day he doesn't have control of his leg or arm and he might as well be an amputee or something. He uses his disability and the fact that he is my dad as an excuse to make me do stuff like cooking and his laundry. He basically treats me like a slave rather then a genuine person. All I ever do when I'm at his house is do my own thing till he eventually calls for me and makes me do some random chore for him. The only thing I remember him doing was buying gifts for me and being done with me. Even today that hasn't really changed. He still does nothing but watch TV and basically never talks to me. Even when we do talk it's always about him, and if we ever argue, and I make a valid point, he just completely shuts down and stops talking.

I'm not really sure if I hate my mom or not. I've been with her for most of my life since she was the one that had custody of me when my parents broke up. Me and my mom always had to move somewhere new. We probably moved into about 4 apartments and 2 houses in total. I never got to make any real friends because of it and eventually just gave up on trying to make friends. My mom was always watching TV just like my dad and I always was in my room doing whatever I felt like doing that day. I really don't have anything to say about my mom. She always kinda felt like a background character in a show rather then someone who was involved in the story.

I have always felt like that people don't really care about me. I wish I could bring it up to people but everyone would tell me off and I'd be better off talking to a brick wall. I have felt suicidal recently and have become more self destructive. I know I should seek therapy, but I'm not going back to the psych ward again, not now.

I'd write more but I have stuff to do, and If I went into every detail about how everything sucked I'd be here all day. I would be writing a book at that point.

My relationship journey began beautifully about two years ago when my partner and I entered into a committed relationship. Things between us clicked almost instantly, setting a tone of seamless harmony and bliss. At times, I even doubted my own worthiness of such a perfect match. However, as months turned into years and we decided to share a living space, the initial euphoria gradually gave way to frequent arguments.

Our disagreements started small, almost insignificant, but as time passed, they morphed into persistent bouts of bickering over mundane issues. It felt as though we were caught in a relentless cycle of conflict, followed by brief reconciliations. Although we were careful not to escalate things too severely, the past six months have seen a noticeable increase in the intensity and frequency of our disputes. Our relationship now seems to harbor more tension than affection, with sarcastic jabs and reactive outbursts becoming all too common. The situation has become exhausting, with our status alternating between being in a relationship and taking breaks.

In moments of frustration, I've often turned to my family and friends to vent. I'd share the specifics of our latest altercation and seek their perspectives. However, this habit took a turn for the worse when my partner overheard one of these conversations and was deeply hurt. He felt misrepresented as the villain in our partnership. This has led me to question the dynamics of seeking external advice. Is it wrong to discuss our private conflicts with others?

Imagine if our private squabbles were broadcasted on a reality show, with each dramatic moment scrutinized under the public eye. How would viewers react to such revelations? Would the external judgment and the pressure of audience opinions exacerbate our issues, or could it possibly lead to a swift resolution encouraged by the collective wisdom of the masses?

I'm really struggling with my mental health at the moment and with my man's funeral in the next 2 weeks I'm feeling so low numb and depressed. on so many actions lately I've wanted to SH bit I haven't but I can see it happening at some point.

During our trip to Disneyland Paris, my family and I were reveling in the magical atmosphere when we decided to take a break for some ice cream. As we queued up to place our orders, a woman I will name Karen (of course!) cut in line, announcing arrogantly, "I'm more important, I have a FastPass." Although annoyed, we didn't confront her and tried to overlook the incident. However, things quickly escalated when Karen began berating the service staff in English—a language the young employee was evidently not proficient in.

Karen angrily scolded the server, exclaiming, "You've completely messed up, you idiot! I asked for a VANILLA ice cream, assuming it’s vegan. But this has dairy! I’m allergic to dairy!" Her companion, Jack, chimed in with his own insults, demanding the server to "Do your bloody job properly!" This outburst not only disrupted the calm but deeply upset the employee, who eventually broke down in tears and had to call in a translator to communicate properly with the irate guests.

It was disheartening to witness such entitlement and disrespect, especially when everyone else was patiently trying to order in French or politely indicating their inability to do so. The altercation marred our experience, overshadowing the otherwise enjoyable day with a sense of discomfort and sympathy for the mistreated staff member.

Thinking back on this event, I can't help but wonder what would have happened if this scenario were part of a reality TV show. Would the presence of cameras have intensified Karen and Jack's outrageous behavior, or might the public scrutiny have curbed their disrespect? It’s intriguing to consider whether the potential for a global audience would escalate their theatrics or encourage them to adopt a more civil approach.

How do you think Karen and Jack would have acted if they were on a reality show?

In our family gatherings, it's almost a given that I, an 18-year-old female, will end up supervising my nieces and nephews. It’s become an unspoken rule because my older siblings took care of me when I was younger, and now I'm supposed to return the favor.

I actually enjoy spending time with them—they’re a bunch of well-mannered kids when they're with me, mostly because I made it clear early on that I wasn't someone to be trifled with. When it comes to laying down the law, I'm pretty straightforward.

As far as babysitting rules go, I’m pretty lax. Some might say too lax, but my philosophy is simple: I ensure they're safe and happy, but I'm not about to enforce a mile-long list of do's and don'ts. For instance, if a parent insists on a vegan diet, they need to provide the food because otherwise, it’s going to be pizza or something equally non-vegan. And as for screen time, unless specific media is provided, my go-to might be anything from mainstream animated movies to popular kids’ shows.

My parents have tried to impress upon me the importance of sticking to the guidelines they or my siblings set, but my stance remains firm: why should I? What’s really at stake for me? If they decide to withhold babysitting privileges, that’d be a relief rather than a punishment!

We’re currently enjoying time in Jasper, where the weather's been scorching. To cool off, I took the kids cliff jumping at Horseshoe Lake, which they absolutely loved, despite returning home soaking wet and covered in dirt. This led to a chorus of complaints about my babysitting methods, to which I humorously offered a "full refund" of my free services before heading out to grab a beer with some new friends from the lake.

Financially, I’m set up pretty well. I earned a full scholarship for college and I received a small inheritance when I turned 18. It’s grown significantly over the years thanks to compound interest since it started accumulating when I was just three. Unlike my siblings, who received similar inheritances but haven’t seen the same growth, I don’t need to rely on financial support from my family. This independence also means their leverage over me is pretty limited.

My family views my attitude as entitlement, but I see it as self-respect, especially since I’m not being compensated for my time. I’m more than happy to respect any rule, as long as I’m paid appropriately to do so.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like if my family dynamics were broadcast on a reality TV show. Would the audience side with me for asserting my independence and standing my ground, or would they view me as the rebellious, ungrateful youngster refusing to respect my elders’ and parents’ wishes?

6 months ago I finally told my therapist my dads been inappropriately touching me, CPS was called police etc. and ofc no one believed me. My mom says I misunderstood it. I’m overreacting. But she said if I was uncomfortable I could move out, so I did. I was “homeless” or couch surfing for a month and a half, now I have an apartment with a roommate. For three months I refused to see my dad, and then my sister guilt tripped me into seeing him saying I was tearing apart our family and I was being dramatic. But I am mentally falling apart seeing him, and I’m building up a grudge against other people that I love and I’m sick of feeling this way and idk what to do. Do I cut him out completely? Do I go to family gatherings and just ignore him? Our family has always been close, I don’t want to lose the ppl I love idk what to do…

After five years of marriage, at 29, I've hit a wall. I love my husband deeply, and I believe he loves me too, but there's a creeping doubt that's hard to shake off—sexual incompatibility...

It's like an elephant in the room, lurking silently while casting an awkward shadow over our relationship. Our chemistry was undeniable when we first met; we'd tumble into bed, laughter echoing around us. But lately, things have changed. Is it normal for passion to dwindle so dramatically with passage of time? Many couples navigate shifting dynamics over time, but our situation seems different—stuck, stagnant. I can't help but wonder if the spark is gone for good or if it's just buried under life's daily grind. I googled "sexual incompatibility in marriage" and stumbled upon countless forums filled with people sharing their stories—similar yet personal experiences adorned with intimate details and advice. It was both reassuring and worrying. "Sex is not the only important part of a marriage," they say, and sure, true; but intimacy feels foundational, doesn't it? It's that unexplainable bond, and when it's missing, it's like there's a hole in the fabric of our marriage. Now, conversations have shifted from "I want you" to "I care about you," which, while sweet, lacks the fervor it once did. Often, I find myself absorbed in blogs discussing topics like libido mismatch, emotional connection, and attachment styles. The jargon is daunting but sheds light on our predicament—my higher libido struggles against his lower desire; a classic case of desire discrepancy. I've tried discussing this with him but broaching the subject feels like dancing on a tightrope, precarious and tense. Is it too much to ask for mutual attraction in a partnership? Or am I being unrealistic in my expectations? It's hard to dismiss the nagging feeling that perhaps he's no longer sexually attracted to me, even though he insists otherwise.

The emotional side of me wants to believe him, but the factual observations paint a different picture. The intimacy we once shared feels like a memory fading away into the archives of our early days. In an article, I read that long-term relationships naturally evolve into comfortable cohabitation, where physical intimacy isn't the pinnacle of the relationship anymore. But shouldn't there be some semblance of desire still? I’m constantly battling with these cerebral narratives—my mind a restless, questioning space. We’re trying to rediscover that physical connection through couple’s activities, date nights, and the occasional weekend getaway. Still, the rhythmic path from date to full-on making out seems to be missing. Every intimacy expert lists "communication" as the pinnacle of resolving sexual disinterest, yet every attempt at initiating these conversations seems to erect another barrier between us. There’s this gap, sparse as it’s growing but for how long? And on the other side are murmurs of questions and whispers of longing. It’s common to hear about the "seven-year itch," yet, here it’s an early symptom; maybe it's a phase, but how long until it becomes chronic? People change, circumstances evolve, but is this sexual standstill a temporary halt or the new normal? Our marriage wasn't purely based on sex, but I won't deny the substantial role it played in keeping the relationship vibrant and lively.

Do I settle into this newfound normalcy of companionship void of fervor, or do I strive to rekindle the flame we had? That question begets more questions, not answers. I even came across a study emphasizing that many marriages survive and thrive on shared goals, emotional bonds, and friendship. I take solace in these sentiments, yet is surviving the same as thriving? We tick many 'marital compatibility' boxes: shared values, understanding, mutual respect; yet this one unchecked box feels glaringly deficient. Sometimes, I mull over solutions—professional counseling, self-help books, rekindling personal hobbies to divert the mind. Yet, nothing offers a concrete answer, just wisps of temporary relief. Should I accept this compatibility hiccup as part of our "till death do us part" package, or strive tirelessly for change? Every now and then, I drop suggestions of change like seeds, hoping they’ll take root in our reality. Still, the ground feels resistant, the air too dry for them to grow. In this scenario, is patience love's true test, or is proactive effort the remedy? It's a conundrum—two possible paths, but one uncertain outcome. In my quiet moments, I wonder, "Am I the only one who feels this disconnect? Or is it mutual silence extending beyond words?" Should we dive deeper into the exploration of non-sexual intimacy as an alternate course, preserving the essence of our relationship through shared dreams, laughter, and camaraderie? If this is the more conducive path to navigate, how do we begin? Despite the battle within, I know and feel there’s still genuine affection and a craving for a shared future....

I am lost, help me guys...

it’s been a quiet kind of question growing louder in my head: am I transgender? I’m 25, biologically female, and for a long time, I didn’t really question that. I did what was expected — grew my hair long, wore dresses when the occasion called for it, and played the part of a girl just fine. but over time, small thoughts started piling up. I’d avoid mirrors some days, or feel oddly disconnected from my reflection. I don’t hate my body — it’s more like... indifference? like I’m occupying something that isn’t mine but also not foreign enough to fully reject. I hear people use “she” and it doesn’t sting, but it also doesn’t fit. when someone once referred to me as “they” by mistake, I felt seen in a way I didn’t even realize I craved. how weird is that?! is that enough to question everything?

I’ve been reading and listening to people’s stories — memoirs like Detransition, Baby and YouTube creators like Ty Turner and Jamie Raines — and honestly, their feelings mirror mine more than any cis woman I know. it’s not about hating femininity; it’s about not feeling entirely rooted in it. sometimes I think maybe I’m nonbinary, other days I wonder if I’d feel more like myself with a flat chest and a lower voice. it’s not dysphoria that screams — it’s more like a whisper that never shuts up. I’ve even tried visualizing a future where I transition, and surprisingly, it doesn’t feel scary or wrong. it feels calm. like breathing easier. but then I second guess myself — what if I’m just making this up? what if I’m confusing admiration with identity? ugh, does everyone go through this kind of mental gymnastics??

I haven’t talked to anyone in my real life about it yet. it feels too abstract, like I need more “proof” or clarity before bringing others in. but I know questioning is valid. I know that not being sure doesn’t make my thoughts any less real. a quote I read recently stuck with me: “You don’t have to have dysphoria to be trans. You just have to know who you are.” and I guess I’m in the middle of figuring that out. maybe this is a journey without a destination — just learning, adjusting, exploring. and for now, that feels okay 🙂 if you’ve gone through this too, how did you know? did it hit you all at once, or did it sneak up like it did for me??

sometimes i just can’t take it all in. it’s like the lights are too bright, the music too loud, the people too many. the colors and sounds clash in my head until it feels like my brain’s about to fry. i try to breathe, but it’s not enough; i end up snapping at people or shutting down completely, just to get a bit of space. i hate being that person, the one who can’t handle a simple party or a shopping trip without losing my mind. is it really that hard for the world to slow down just a bit??? i get so frustrated with myself, but i can’t control it. it feels like my brain’s running on high-speed internet in a world where everyone else is on dial-up. i get overloaded and then crash like a stupid system error; it’s humiliating and exhausting.

when i try to explain this to anyone, they look at me like i’m some kind of freak. “just relax,” they say, as if i haven’t tried that a million times. but relaxing doesn’t stop the buzzing in my head or the way my skin crawls when there’s too much going on. it’s not about stress, it’s about everything being too much, all at once. crowds, bright lights, loud noises—they all blend together into this horrible mess that i can’t untangle from. i end up hiding in the bathroom, pretending to be busy on my phone, just so i don’t have to feel the sensory overload; it’s pathetic, i know, but it’s the only way i can keep from breaking down. have you ever felt like this?? like the world is attacking you for no reason??

still, i’m trying to stay positive. i tell myself that it’s not weakness to recognize my limits. i’m learning to plan my days better, to take breaks when i need them, and to speak up when things get too overwhelming. i’ve even started carrying earplugs in my bag for those moments when i can’t handle the noise. i know it’s not perfect, and yeah, i still have days when everything feels like too much and i want to scream. but i’m figuring it out, little by little. i’m not giving up on myself. i’ll find ways to make the world a little quieter, a little softer, so i can keep going without feeling like my head’s about to explode. i just wish it didn’t have to be so hard all the time; wouldn’t it be nice if we could all just chill for a minute??? 😤

Heyah! I hope everyone is doing well.

I am recently going to move into my cousin's mansion in April, but I wanted to talk about ideal homes. Totally a long-winded subject. I know for many people(not all) they want to have a larger home. But for me(personally)... I think a home that's on the somewhat smaller side would be more of what I'd want.

I'd want to have a single-level home(NO STAIRS!!!). 2 bedrooms(master and guest). 3 bathrooms(master, guest, and powder). 1 Smaller kitchen(I'm not much of a cook). A small living room. Ideally no dining room. And having a smart use of storage would be nice. Since I own a lot of collections(Sea shells, crystals, books, etc). I don't care about clothing space... since I don't own a lot of clothes. I'm more of a nick-nack person, rather than a clothing person. I'd ideally like a washer and dryer in my home, as I grew up new a laundry mat and now would want the convenience of a washer and dryer of my own. Vinyl or any type of hard flooring would be nice... I am so forking done with carpet !!! I've had cats and dogs in my old home... and they k*lled my carpet!!!

I like East Asian mixed with modern art deco for the theme of my ideal home. I know for a fact that I wouldn't want a basement or an attic cause I don't like the psychological sh*t that goes on in horror movies... so, basements and attics are off-limits.

I think the main thing that would probably eat away at my budget if I ever did get my own home is the fact that I am completely afraid of the dark... like... I can't sleep at all if there is even a dark shadow in the corner. So, I'd keep my lights on 24/7 in the entire house. I also usually wake up to have water or a cold glass of milk in the middle of the night, and walking in the dark gives me a fright! So, lights on 24/7!!!

And if anything, I don't mind forgoing the guest bedroom and guest bathroom, cause small also means less to clean.

Anyway... I'm kinda sleepy since I took some pain medications due to my car accident... I'll write more stories later when I have more energy.

Eat good food and drink lots of water guys!!!

(Also... to clarify... I know that what I described isn't a "small house"... but it's significantly smaller than my cousin's mansion... which is why I'm saying it's small). When I lived in Cali... my ideal home was actually a studio apartment with lots of cool fold-in, fold-out stuff, and hidden storage stuff. But being on both poor and rich sides now... I think a middle ground would feel nice.