Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Job opportunities had been slipping away from me recently, making it nearly impossible to secure a position due to the expanding void on my CV. To bridge this hiatus, I've started volunteering at a regional nonprofit organization.

Does this make me a bad individual because my motives aren't completely selfless? I mean, I'm trying to patch up my resume and keep my skills sharp too.

I wonder what would happen if this whole scenario unfolded on a reality TV show. Would the audience judge me for leveraging volunteer work to enhance my job prospects? Or would they support my approach to keeping active and contributing to society in whatever way I can, even if part of the reason is self-serving? It’s strange to think about how perspectives might shift under the spotlight of public scrutiny.

This will be very long, but that's just how much I need to let out. So, let me begin.

I used to have a friend group, it felt like the world was mine when I'm with them. Plus, I was sort of the leader. But later, we all had separated because of most of us transferring to different schools. I wanted to keep touch, of course, but over time, we drifted apart. We still text, but what's bothering me is one of my friends from our group who I should say is one of the closest to me.

At first,we were both venting to each other about our new environment, but lately, I noticed he getting way less present. In our group chat, when I text her personally, she became more distant. I found out that she probably has new friends. So of course,she'd already forget us since she has a replacement now.

I wish I'm like her. Someone who can easily forget others. Because the more I remember, the more it hurt. Moreover, at my new school, I turned into a quiet kid. New kid, so everyone already has friends and has no room for me. Ignored, invisible even when I try to participate, they wont acknowledge me. Be it my peers or the teachers.

This made me feel lowly. Another thing if like to vent about (told you, there's a lot) is about my appearance. I'm short, wear glasses, not exactly that fair... I wish I can be pretty. I always wonder how other girls can look pretty, even if they look like me. I think it might be because of their fashion. One more thing I can only wish for. I want to wear outfits like them. They all look pretty, elegant and trendy. Like people others would walk by and say "wow, she's beautiful". But whenever I express my desire to wear pretty outfits, my family would tell me that it 'doesn't suit me' or like 'when are you gonna wear it?' .

My sister is trendy. She can go out on her own, buy clothes without worrying what others would think. She's tall, pretty, smart, admired. I'm only a year younger but I can never look as mature as her. She has her own bank card, her own purse... When I ask for these, my parents would procrastinate buying me one, I'll end up never getting it.

I just want to be like them. I want to have friends, go out with them, look pretty, go to fancy events (my school never does them, while my sister's always has these events), I just wanna feel wanted. But I'll always be the average, unwanted, background character. I wanna feel important in someone's life just like how important my friends are to me. I wish I can be someone who doesn't break down crying from just a few nice words from a stranger on the internet. I just want to be someone else who's not this pathetic me.

Sorry for this being so long, I actually have more to say, but I'll end it here. Just the thought of someone reading this whole thing is amazing. Just so you know, I appreciate you. I want to be someone who can provide comfort too. This makes me feel better, and I like that feeling. Thank you, thank you so much.

I’m 13, female and I went on a website looking for someone to talk to so I could vent about my issues with my family. My family, while I love them, has flaws. My parents, even though they’re divorced, still live together in my Mom’s apartment with me and my sister. It had been a rough divorce and I’m not sure if I’m fully over it but I still have lasting things going on. My mom and dad mutter bad things about each other, mostly my dad though. Living in an apartment it’s easy to hear through the paper thin walls and his loud voice doesn’t help. I don’t know if my little sister notices or not but I hope she doesn’t. Anyway, I went on a website that was 18+ where you could talk to strangers anonymously. As expected there were a lot of weird people on there but I skipped past them and found a few good ones. I matched up with this one German guy. I live in New Jersey, USA so we’re nowhere near each other. I found it cool I could talk with someone across the world and we talked about the different countries and our lives. He told me he was 22 and I said I was 19 since the age was 18+. I probably shouldn’t have ever gone on in the first place but I was desperate for someone to listen to me. So we talked and talked. He was really nice and sweet and he listened to me and gave feedback. I told him my insecurities and he said that I was perfect the way I was and not to worry about it and let it drag me down, despite not even seeing a picture of me or anything! I felt so seen and heard. We both had cats. I had one and he had too so we talked about that and made jokes. He was funny and made me smile. So, when I started picking up on him flirting with me I was flattered but dread started to pile up. I liked the flirting, I never felt so nice like I had nothing to change or worry about. Not to mention I’m fairly socially awkward and not on the popular side in my school so while everyone started to date and experiment I lagged behind. Maybe a bit ridiculous I know but I always wanted something like true love. Or even just someone to cherish me like the guys in the books and shows.. and he gave me that. I told him I was part French but only by blood and I didn’t really know French but we still joked about it. I’m in French class so I knew a few French words and sentences so I showed him just as fun, things like how to order from a restaurant and whatnot. He said he had a thing for French girls and I couldn’t help but feel happy and the flutter in my stomach I never really felt before. The time difference was major and he had to go to sleep soon as it was very late at night, or rather early in the morning for him. I never flirted back but I did pick up on all of his. How he wished me goodnight in French, he called me hun, said specific things about comments I made that I knew he did intentionally. That problem is, I’m 13, not 19. It’s wrong and nothing will ever come of it but he doesn’t know that. I’m cat fishing him and I didn’t even mean to! I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been a genuine connection like that for so long and I feel so good around him, he said I make him smile by talking with him. But he doesn’t know I’m 13. I don’t want to let go of what we have, I’m afraid I’ll never find something like that again. I know it can never happen though. And even if I could manage to just stay on a friendly level I’m sure the feelings wouldn’t go away and it wouldn’t change the fact that I have to keep pretending to be 19. He’d find out eventually or at least get suspicious right? I couldn’t tell him, he’d be furious of course and I don’t want to lose the friendship and connection I have. I don’t know what to do now.

man, life's been a rollercoaster lately, and i honestly can't figure out why i'm being so hard on myself. maybe it's just this age thing, being 21 and all. i feel like i should be on top of the world, but instead, i'm just stuck in my own head. you ever feel that way? like no matter what you do, it's never enough? i've always been my own worst critic, but lately, it's like i've amped it up to a whole new level. it's not like i have messed up big time or anything, just regular life mishaps, yet i'm treating myself like i’ve made some colossal screw-ups. sometimes it feels like there’s this invisible scoreboard in my mind, keeping track of everything i wish i’d done differently. real talk, it’s exhausting.

i remember this one time, i was talking to a friend and they were like, "dude, why you always judging yourself so harsh?" honestly, i didn't have an answer then and still don’t have one now. it's like i can't shake this need to be perfect, even though deep down, i know it’s impossible. maybe because i see people around accomplishing so much and i feel like i should be doing the same. everyone else makes it seem so effortless while i'm over here with my thoughts tangled up in a million wires. when did life become a contest? am i the only one thinking this? because if i am, i definitely didn't get the memo about how to just chill and roll with the punches. is it social media pressure, or just society in general? i really can't pinpoint the exact trigger, but man, it's annoying.

it's like whenever i achieve something, instead of feeling proud, i'm just like, "okay, that’s checked off, what's next?"; i don't give myself a second to breathe and appreciate what i’ve done. let’s say i finish a project, rather than enjoying the moment, i’m already doubting if it was good enough. what gives? isn't that wild? i get that self-reflection is important, but this constant over-analysis is straight-up debilitating. there’s got to be a better way to navigate through life without beating myself up over every tiny thing. this might sound crazy, but i sometimes wish i could talk to teenage me, let him know it's okay to not have everything figured out and that the pressure he feels now isn’t gonna lead to world catastrophe.

so, i guess i’m here trying to figure out if i’m alone in this or if other 21-year-olds feel the same way. are we all just struggling to walk this tightrope of expectations versus reality? or am i really just putting way too much weight on my own shoulders? if you’ve got any tips or thoughts, i'm all ears. it's just hard not to compare, y'know? and every time i slip into that mindset, i remind myself there’s no rulebook stating i have to have my entire life mapped out at this age. it’s a work in progress, being kinder to myself, and maybe, just maybe, i'll figure out how to break this cycle. until then, i'm stuck here, trying to keep my head above water and learning to be a little less hard on myself. 🤞

so here I am, sitting alone in my messy apartment, scrolling through Instagram while sipping on my third cup of coffee, wondering why I can't cry over this whole love mess I’ve been dealing with. I mean, c’mon, does being heartbroken mean I have to walk around like a freaking robot? it’s not like I’m made of stone or anything but ever since my last breakup, it feels like my emotions are stuck on mute. you’d think that after being with someone for years, when things go south, you’d at least shed a few tears, right? but here I am, dry-eyed and feeling more like a confused Android struggling to compute the emotional data it doesn’t have. it’s weird! it’s like I’m going through the stages of grief but forgot to actually feel something in the first place.

like, I should be angry or sad or at least something! instead, I feel like I’m just sitting in a waiting room with a constant loop of “What went wrong?” on repeat. this guy I dated was hands down the love of my life—the romantic archetype every cheesy rom-com would be jealous of. we had all the classic signs: the long talks about whether pineapple belongs on pizza and the plans for retirement in a house with a blue mailbox. but then out of nowhere, it all flatlined. we broke up because he "needed personal space," which is obviously code for "I'm too scared to actually commit!" and I should’ve been devastated, right? but all I could do was watch Netflix and scroll through meme pages, thinking, well, this is just peachy! It’s like my brain is trying to tell me, “Hey, feelings are for suckers!”

I keep waiting for that moment where I just collapse into sobs, like they do in the movies, but it never comes. all my friends always tell me it’s totally healthy to let it out! “Just cry it out! It’s a form of catharsis!” but like, why should I? do you really think that sobbing into a pillow is going to change the fact that he still unfollowed me? or that he’s probably out there enjoying his "freedom" while I’m here battling existential dread? crying feels like such a cliché, and I don't want to go through all that drama while feeling like a fool. Plus, I don't even know if I’ll feel better afterward! I’ve seen too many people ball their eyes out over relationships that clearly weren’t worth it. "You deserve better" is what everyone says, which is easy for them to claim while sitting on their happy thrones of successful love life while I’m over here in chaos!

but maybe that’s the trick of it all: this numbness isn’t forever. I mean, I’ve read somewhere that emotional suppression and denial can keep you from actually confronting your feelings. just the other day, I stumbled upon this article that talked about how sometimes we grow through what we go through, and I realized: maybe I’m just fine-tuning my emotional intelligence here. I mean, who’s to say that not crying means I’m not hurting? it’s like I’m letting my inner self take a breather, processing things in my own way. perhaps one day it’ll all hit me like a tidal wave, and when it does, I’ll be ready to ride it. and who knows? maybe being a brick wall right now is just part of the healing process. sometimes, not crying is just another perspective, and maybe I’m building my emotional resilience, even if it feels a bit odd. am I alone in this? is this feeling of emotional suppression something more people experience?

growing up in a nudist family is like... i dont even know how to explain it without soundin weird. like, for my parents and my brother, its just normal. no big deal. they always told me stuff like "our bodies are natural" and "there’s nothin to be ashamed of" and all that. and when i was little, i guess it didnt feel weird. like, when ur a little kid, u dont really think about that stuff, u just do what your parents say is normal. we went to nudist beaches, nudist camps, even some nudist events and i never really questioned it. but now that im a teenager, like 16, it feels totally different. i hate it. not hate like i think my family is bad or anything, but hate like... i dont feel comfortable anymore. at all. and they just dont get it. every time i try to say somethin they act like im the weird one. like im bein brainwashed by "society" or whatever. but honestly, sometimes i just wanna wear clothes and not have to explain myself every five minutes.

its hard too cuz like, i feel so embarassed when my friends talk about stuff. they’ll be like "ugh imagine seeing your parents naked" and im just sittin there laughin along like "haha yeah that would be gross" when inside im screamin cuz like… yeah. ive seen it all. all my life. and i dont kno how to say it without people thinkin im a freak or sumthin. sometimes i even lie. i say stuff like "yeah we go to the beach sometimes" and leave out the part where it’s a nude beach. i just dont wanna be that girl who everybody whispers about. and its not like i hate my family. i love them. they’re good ppl. but they dont understand that just cuz they’re ok with it doesnt mean i have to be too. i wanna wear jeans and hoodies and be normal. i wanna go to a regular beach and not worry about runnin into someone from the "community" who wants to have deep talks about body freedom. maybe one day ill accept it more, maybe i’ll even be okay with it, but right now? i just wanna be a regular teenage girl who gets to keep her clothes on without feelin like shes betrayin her family. is that too much to ask? cuz sometimes it really feels like it is.

I am 31 years old woman and I have been working since three years in a government center that manage the reception and also the returning of foreigners. In fact, my specific department is dedicated to the expulsion of persons to their country of origin, and in majority this means Mexico or Central America regions. Each day I face stories that are extremely human, sometimes even tragic, and I confess with no shame that I continue to cry very often after my working hours. I thought maybe with the time I would build kind of shield or hard skin, but it did not happen like that. Instead, I feel even more sensitive to the pain of others. I ask myself often, why some colleagues can make jokes about it or just continue with neutral face, while me I go home with heavy heart? Once, after accompanying a family of four to the airport, the young daughter gave me a bracelet made of colored threads and whispered, “please remember us.” How to not be moved by such words? That night I couldn’t sleep and I kept asking to myself if I am in the right job, if my tears will ever stop flowing, or if maybe it is normal reaction to continue to be sensitive after all this time.

In my way of thinking, sensitivity is not only a weakness, it is also a force that allows us to see the humanity behind the regulations and the bureaucracy. But still, I would like to learn how to be less affected, because depression is coming again and again in waves, and it is hard to keep motivation. Some days I sit in the restroom and I cry silent because I cannot show to others this fragility, even if in reality I am not ashamed, but more scared of being judged or considered incapable. Sometimes I try to use strategies like writing small notes of gratitude, reading philosophy or spiritual texts that bring comfort, like Viktor Frankl saying that “those who have a why to live, can bear almost any how.” This line encourage me, but in practice when I see another deportation case, my heart breaks anyway. What do you think, is it possible to keep empathy and compassion but without losing mental balance? Or is the only way to survive in such work to build cold wall around emotions? I feel very lost on this point, because I want to keep human but not to be destroyed inside every month.

I try to be hopeful, because I know life is also about learning from the suffering, and maybe in some strange way these experiences will help me to grow stronger. For example, I started recently to do voluntary activities in my free time, like teaching English to immigrant kids, and this give me positive energy to compensate the darker side of my job. It is like giving back something, even small, to balance what I take part in during the day. I also talk with my mother, and she reminds me kindly that “you cannot save everyone, but you can always treat them with respect and dignity.” That phrase stay in my mind, and maybe that is the key, to know that even in a painful role, I can give something decent like a smile or kind word. So I want to ask you, dear reader, do you think there is a method to be less sensitive without becoming cruel? Or maybe the true courage is to accept our sensitivity and find ways to manage it with healthier habits, like therapy or meditation or even just having more supportive friends around? I sincerely hope to discover balance, and I hope also to not lose myself, because despite all the tears, I believe that my heart can still be source of hope and resilience.

First time doing this so bare with me.

I have a hard time forming connections with people, and when I do, I keep them at arms length. At first I thought I was just socially anxious I am but. The more I think about it and trauma around my past. I feel like if I form any deep connections with other people, I feel like if I expose my past (that's filled with abuse from family members) I believe they will take advantage of me or they'll view me as something that I know I'm not. But, feels confirming and believable, I feel like I am used and broken, and no one wants to hang out with a broken person like me so I just keep it in until it burst out and everyone stops and looks. "Like wow a stable guy in my life turns out to be a emotional loser." I don't vent to anyone and if I do it's just simple things in life to be negative about. But my trauma is borderline some kids edgy character backstory on deviantart. So in turn it's too much to handle. I feel too much to handle. I feel like I need to prove my worth over and over, like I am worth loving and given attention. But, some days I feel like an annoying abused dog, I get happy and I get excited when I see someone but if something triggers me I bark and bite. I feel too much and trying to get help, but with me always pushing away people I have no support group and just professionals that are just there to be professionals. I pushed away my recent ex because she hurt me but I feel like I ruined everything for getting hurt. I don't know, everything feels confusing but I know I will eventually get better but it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, you know?

So, I know life could be worse. I could be homeless. I could have a terrible family. I could be injured. But recently life has been infuriating. I’m feeling terrible! And just so angry and sad and… honestly those words aren’t good enough tbh. Honestly the word I feel the most right now is looser. I’ve been out of a job for 6 months. Ya I know. I’m living at my boyfriends house. But I’m not seeing my friends cause they’re still in college and I graduated early. I was supposed to use the year as time to save money. But no. Just spend apparently. I’m uncertain about my grad school application. And overall just feeling looser. I should change my mind set, I’m a winner and just get back up, but it’s been kind of difficult. Especially when most my days seem filled with watching garbage on Netflix or YouTube. I can’t even say that I’ve been trying super hard. Cause I’ve honestly kinda been half assing life a little bit. My best friend is halfway across the world and I can’t even speak with her for the most part cause she’s doing a stupid mission for a religion I don’t believe in. I’d say it’s a waste of her time, but then again that would be hypocritical cause what the fuck am I doing. I’m bitter. I’m angry that none of the jobs I’ve applied to have hired me, angry that the job that promised me work in March hasn’t reached back out and instead is having my friend go. They have work and they won’t give me any! It’s pissing me off! I’m not even sure why not. Is it cause I plan on going to PA with my father in a few weeks. Are they waiting till after the trip to rehire me?! Because I would like some information! But everything in the workplace nowadays has to be some sort of game of the right ballance of professionalism and charm! And if so that would leave me with another month of no work!!! Ahhhh!! And my boyfriends gonna want his rent for April soon and I don’t want to pay it! Cause I’ve got like 2000 in taxes I’m going to need to pay for my independent contracting! And for gods sake what is wrong with my bf!!! He’s been so hard to be in a relationship with for the last basically year. I thought moving in together would strengthen the relationship from our previous long distance thing, but I am upset with it. It’s so.. so!! Just… meh. There are no fireworks, no playtime, no dancing, no laughing, half the time it’s heavy seriousness. And I don’t know if this is a phase because he wasn’t always like this, or if he was just pretending to be silly and fun and cutesy when we met. And now I need adventure but he’ll never go on an adventure with me. He values work over living life! And I’m debating texting my old boss up, he texted me a little bit ago, about work, but I’d only be able to work for maybe a month or a week or two before the other job rehires me, cause they said they want me back but they won’t give me a date! I just need a date!! I can feel the judgement from my mother and everyone around me! And I feel like I’m being crushed under the weight of never being enough and it’s double now that I’m literally doing nothing! And it’s been so long and I feel aimless and bored and lonely! And I miss my friends and school and I wish my relationship was better but it’s not and ya. And if I go to work with my other boss for a small amount of time I would prefer for a certain employee to not be there! Ah I hate him!! I’ve been there longer and he would act like my boss and he made me anxious and I would wake up everyday dreading seeing him. I liked that job before he was there, but here I am. And ya. Basically, I got a job that told me it wasn’t seasonal then turned out to be seasonal and now I have no job and am just waiting for them to give me work. They have asked me when I’m available I said I’m available right now, and then they gave work to someone else that I know. I’m pissed off. And all the other jobs I’ve applied to have been kind of dead ends. My mom keeps saying, “you have a degree you can literally do anything” no mom! It’s not so easy! Yes I probably could, but you have to be hired by picky ass people first! If you don’t want a garbage job doing garbage work. And what I really want to do is travel! But I don’t want to travel alone, but nobody in my life is in the position to just go on an epic adventure with me. I’m sorry this is so long. And it sounds like a bunch of excuses, but this has literally been my life for the last 6 months and I’m sick and tired of it!

In my country there are different kinds of curriculum that you study at school, so I studied the full English syllabus. One of my professors got to know about this a few days ago and from that day he started to act weird. He randomly asked me in a mocking tone if I knew about a specific topic ( our syllabus literally covered more than whatever he is teaching ) then at lab he lashed out on me by saying “didn’t you study english curriculum, then why the hell is your english like this”, basically I’m new to the whole lab report thing so I’m still figuring it out by myself as there was no guidance so I mistakenly wrote it in present tense instead of past tense.

He said this in front of the entire class, in front of everyone. Obviously I’m going to give my all and improve but there were many other people who did similar mistakes or got lower marks but he didn’t say anything to them.

I don’t know, like scold me for my mistakes I’ll understand but continuously mocking me/insulting me because I studied a different curriculum is just…….. bad. I am probably overreacting and overthinking about this.

Tbh there isn’t much of a story, more needing to take things off my back. If at any moment u feel uncomfortable just stop reading and do or go somewhere else. Well… ig here it is.. I hate myself, Ik it’s a thing that most ppl say or think but for everyone it’s different I think. I hate everything about myself, but I think I mostly hate the fact that I’m gay, masc, and fat. I go against everything. I feel like everything’s been going for the worst but I don’t want to stop, I just act like it so the ppl who care don’t help me as much. But I didn’t lie, I don’t want to not to stop, I like the feeling of anything bad really. Ik it sounds bad but it isn’t I swear. I think for once my dad is right.. maybe being gay is a disease after all, I mean I was happier when I was young and identified as straight, I didn’t worry if anyone thought I was a wannabe boy or if every girl friend I have thinks I immediately like them just because I say I’m gay. I think that’s way I started doing what I am, started to slowly just not eat. It started little, just skipping lunch at school, then not eating anything in the morning or at lunch at school, then after a year of that the pain went away and I didn’t really weight wise, I didn’t have stomach pains anymore. I felt empty. I felt.. feel out of control. Then fast forward this December it went from normal to really good, I didn’t care what my mom felt for me eating less then 100-300 calories for about 3-4 days on end. I remember them, it was a dream and if I had a choice I’d do again, I don’t regret it. I think I lost about 3kgs in that span or maybe more idk. Anyways now im 77kgs still losing. I was about 86kg im mid November or maybe a bit lower. And if I could say anything about how it’s been I’d say it’s addicting. The scale, I mean Idrc anymore if I do or don’t have muscle anymore. Idk what’s so addicting about the scale but it is, I don’t even really care to eat at this point, I just do it because I have to live and so my mom doesn’t call a therapist for me or smth like that. But that isn’t what I wanted to say, what I wanted to say is that these are the few but main reasons why I hate myself and I think it’s the minimum at the very least. So ig my question is, does anyone feel the same? Am I as fucked up as I seen to be?. I wish u all are okay and happy. Good morning, good afternoon, good night

ok so like i don’t wanna sound mean or ungrateful or whatever, but my boyfriend is sooo clingy and i honestly don’t kno what to do about it anymore. like at first i thought it was cute, you kno? he’d always text me good morning and good night, always want to talk and tell me how much he likes me and stuff. and yeah, that felt nice at the beginning, cuz i never really had someone like pay that much attention to me before. but now it’s like... too much. like way too much. he wants to talk all the time, like literally 24/7. if i don’t answer his text in like 10 mins he starts asking if i’m mad or if something’s wrong or if i’m "losing feelings" 😩. like no dude, i was just doing homework or eating dinner with my fam, calm down!! i can’t even breathe without him needing some kind of reassurance, and it’s starting to really bug me.

it’s not just the texting either. he always wants to be with me at school too, like during lunch or between classes and even when i’m just tryna hang out with my other friends, he’s there. always right there. and i feel bad saying this but like... sometimes i just wanna chill with my girls without him clinged to me like glue 😭. one time i told him i needed a lil space to just hang with my friends and he got all quiet and moody for the rest of the day, like i did something wrong. like i’m not even allowed to have time without him or something. it’s starting to feel like i’m in this relationship with a puppy who cries the second you leave the room. i know that sounds harsh but fr that’s how it feels sometimes. nd the more i try to pull back a little, the more he pushes in closer.

what really gets me is that i don’t even think he means to be like this. like i know he likes me a lot, and that’s sweet and all, but it’s like he doesn’t understand that people need space too. like, being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to be glued together 24 hours a day. i wanna miss him sometimes. i wanna have space to think, to breathe, to still be my own person. but every time i try to explain that to him, he acts like i’m breaking up with him or something. and i’m not! i don’t even want to break up. i just want him to chill out a bit. it’s just getting so hard to enjoy anything when i feel like i’m constantly babysitting his feelings. like, i can’t even say “i’m busy” without a whole dramatic convo about whether or not i still care about him. bro, it’s not that deep, i just got math homework 😭.

i really don’t know what to do at this point. i don’t wanna hurt him cuz he’s honestly such a sweet guy and i know he means well, but this clingy stuff is really driving me nuts. i feel like if i keep letting it slide, i’m gonna start really resentin him, and that’s not fair to either of us. but if i bring it up again, i’m scared he’s just gonna shut down like always and make me feel bad again. i’m only 16 and already feel like i’m stuck in this adult relationship with all this pressure, when it’s supposed to be fun and cute, right? i just wish he could trust that i care about him even if we don’t talk 24/7. idk maybe i’m the bad one here for wanting space, maybe i’m just not ready for this kinda thing. but i really hope he can back off a little without it turning into some huge thing, cuz if not… i’m not sure how much longer i can keep doing this.

I’ve noticed that people these days, including myself, are glued to their phones. Most of the time, I use my phone unnecessarily—scrolling or watching things even when there’s nothing important to text about or nothing meaningful I want to learn. I understand that people have FOMO and don’t want to feel cut off from society, but for that, I don’t think it’s necessary to stay updated on every single trend on Instagram or social media in general. Knowing all the latest trends doesn’t really improve the quality of my life.

Yes, some people might make fun of me for not being aware of “obvious” trends, but I don’t see the need to follow them. At the same time, I don’t want to completely isolate myself either. For that reason, I’ve decided to limit myself to using Instagram for just 15 minutes a day, or using Pinterest occasionally for inspiration.

The internet feels overwhelming at times—it’s endless. There’s always new content to consume, and you can never really “finish” it. In contrast, I only truly felt alive during the days when phones existed without internet. Back then, the phone itself was an incredible gadget: it had a camera, photos, videos, offline games, songs, and maybe a few downloaded YouTube videos. Once I finished watching those videos, I had to rewatch the same ones, and eventually the phone felt boring. I would play the same simple offline games until I got tired of them.

Even the old Nokia phones were better in some ways. They were extremely simple—sometimes boring—but memorable. I remember playing Snake on them. At the time it felt boring, but when I look back now, those days feel good. When I was outside waiting for someone, I didn’t feel the urge to look at my phone because it didn’t have much to offer. Instead, I started noticing my environment, and those moments stayed in my memory.

On the other hand, if you showed me a reel I watched just a month ago, I probably wouldn’t even recognize it. It would feel like something completely new. That’s the difference: the older experiences stuck, while today’s constant scrolling doesn’t.

What I really want is to go back to that earlier feeling—the simplicity, the boredom, the presence—that made life feel more real.

i feel like im not loveable at all. all the times i've asked people out i've been rejected and i've been ghosted by a guy that overall i felt was overall a fantastic person to be friends with but he's blocked me and is talking to others about "how much better life has been after cutting off that shitty friendship". all the people i've tried talking to about this i feel like dont fully understand as their all conventionally attractive people who have partners or are in the process of getting one. while im stuck as this damn fat autistic kid who's only relationship ever was with a toxic person who manipulated me. i dont feel like im anyones number one person, that one person you go to instantly when something comes up, im always the second medal and it pisses me the fuck off but i dont know how to fix that

Hello everyone, I don't vent usually but I need to share my feelings. I have been in a relationship for 8 years. Lets call him A, we have been on and off, because we fell out for a few years but this is a new story. He reached out to me to reconnect and start dating after a long period of no contact. We were going strong happy we would work it out if we had conflicts. I believed that love can be worked out and he did too we both agreed on most things but we did have a conversation about having kids. I didn't mind if they're adopted, ivf surrogate or even biological. I am a trans man so at first I had to think about it but I wanted kids with him I wanted our future together. He knows I'm trans but I wanted to let him know what if I couldn't have them? I don't think I couldn't but I just wanted to see his reaction well he just went to you don't want kids then. That wasn't true but we seemed to figure it out ever since then I felt like he didn't feel the same way before but he assured me everything is fine I'm just over thinking. Fast forward to now, were long distance we live 8000 plus miles apart we both are focused on visiting each other, he was going to see me but he said something happened where his work won't let him get PTO. I've met him multiple times younger so I made the choice to visit him in his country although its not the most supportive of trans people anyways I tell him hey I'm going to come then he buys a house. A house there lol to visit me. In return that made him tell me to wait I got really upset because it felt like he made plans to stay there for now even though I've been trying to work for a future with him. He hits me with, do you really want kids? I said yeah I do and then he says even to breast feed? I'm like wait no what I'm trying to get top surgery. Its my body and I feel like bottle feeding is better. Anyway that was so shocking to him he almost crashed his car. This made him feel like he lost the fire and it was so important that he said its not going to work. I told him I'm okay I'll compromise but he said he will never see a future with me and he's afraid of me being in the future “my kid my choice” to him a kid is a final thing and he's scared of what I might do. I feel offended but sad I wanted to reconcile he said he loves me so much, but I changed the whole core of our relationship. He says I pushed him to making it forever cause I said well if you see no future that means we can't be in each others life and he said that's fine but he loves me anyway. He wishes that I'd be forever there but no future :(.