Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I feel almost completely alone deep down. The people in my life seem to just abandon me at my lowest moments now. And I struggle with extreme disdain and self loathing. Yet I also feel like I’m being ridiculous at times, like I don’t deserve to be feeling the way I do because I haven’t experienced enough badness in my life. I don’t get therapy enough. I make poor choices continuously. I am really at the edge of losing hope for myself entirely. And all of it sparked from girl problems, or at least, the recent parts of it. So I guess, what would people have thought if they had seen all of this on a reality tv show?

when I was 9 I started doing sh, My dad kept comparing me to others, making jokes about my appearance, and saying rude things to me. He has anger issues and keeps threatening to punch me, slap me, or cut off a limb or two to keep me from leaving the house when I make him angry. I was tired of him at the age of 9 so I started to do self-harm as a way of punishing myself and coping, I couldn't talk to my parents. I don't trust them, when I decided to do sh I cut the front of my arm and it's back until it reached my elbows. I remember crying and wishing that if I told a my dad or mom, they'd comfort me instead of thinking that something was wrong with me. my dad eventually found out when I was 10 and he took pictures and sent them to my other relatives and I felt humiliated, he asked me why I did it as if the way he treated me wasn't enough for him to connect everything so I lied about the reason. after he found out I stopped for a few months and he and my mom never said anything to me, just why and what did I use? he never confronted me or tried to comfort me. neither did my mom, I've been clean for a year and 19 days now but I've been getting urges again. my dad still threatens me like that and sometimes he Pretends to choke me and shake me with his hands around my neck as a joke and I feel uncomfortable, but I can't bring myself to say that since he'll think im just playing along. I love my parents, but sometimes I wonder if they even want me here.

You know when you love someone, but you really, really despise everything they are and their whole person, and their opinions and the way do and approach things. And your stomach twists in rage and hate and disgust when they're around? And you can't actually be Happy or love them quite right because you know you feel much differently inside? Better yet, you know when parents want their children to Learn how to swim and they just throw them in the water and Hope for the best? Yeah. That's what she does with everything. Not with me, cause i was a down right horrible child that was digusting and full hate. She didn't need to give any more. But she uses that approach with everything even important things. She throws them there. Makes important decisions and promises on a whim and hopes for the best. Except she never actually puts effort into anything. And past a certain point she gets tired and novelty of her new obssession dies out and She Just leaves It to rot. And most of the time It doesn't work. Things break and go to sh*t. And then she burst into rage and quits. Typical. It's funny cause She insists onto saying and presenting herself like the most important blessing that ever came on Earth. Which yeah. In a sense. Sure. She always starts with good intentions. And she has some solid values which i really admire. And she loves. A lot. But It's very hard to get her interest. And if she isn't interessed she ignores everything and concentrates on her newest obssession leaving everything to rot. She insists that I know nothing. And that i'm Just a scaredy cat and i exagerate. But she spent most of my Life yelling and shouting and shamming things and threathing to hurt me or destroy things I care about. And all those Animals she says she saved and loves? They flinch at every sound and movement and Hide and run away whenever they can tell she's mad. And i think that says more about her than it does of a misbehaving puppy. Maybe It's subjetive. But i honestly don't think that's love. Love and family shouldn't be built on fear and intimidation and d*ath threats. That is just picking the lesser evil to continue to survive. Recently she's been talking more about her family and i realize more and more how she Is and Why. And she's right they are worse. And their love for her was conditional. And she still loved them and still holds most of them in High regard. And that's another thing i hate about her. She so full of love. Even though she's clearly bitter about what they have done. But She lets that bottle up and takes out on others that in her regard are "under her". She's so full of love that rotted and turned into rage. And that Is something i will never forgive her for. I love her so much and i admire her a lot and i'm so sorry for cause she didn't deserve anything that happened to her. But love rots and turns into this horrible ugly thing that she passed down to me. And i hate her for It. I hate for everything. I hate her never putting effort into anything. I hate her for never listening. I hate her for always taking decisions for me. I hate her for being so superficial and fickle. I hate her for spontanuos and loving but also so full of rage and scary. And i hate her even more, because all those horrible things are exactly how she describes me. I hate that we're so alike in things in the worst ways possible. And i hate that we're so different that we Clash on everything. And can't have genuine things in common. And i hate her because I know she hates me too for those exact reasons. Though. To be honest i Guess this says as much about her than It does about me, since i'm all of this i'm saying out of hatred for her. And out of the bitter and sharp painfull feeling right next to the admiration I have for her. I am like her and much worse after all, all that hate in the pit of my stomach Is simmering and It's making more and more horrible by the day. She says i'm like them. Like him. But i've never actually known them and known what they're like so i can't be sure. What i am sure of though? I won't take responsibility and guilt for decisions she made and consequences she causes. I've already had horrible spirals and thoughts because of her, i have enough guilt to manage on my own . I've been trying to improve for years now and i think that starts with shutting her yelling out.

I thought I already moved on. I thought I'm all good. Turned out I didn't. Doesn't help that I found out about it a year later. I don't know why I can't move on. I don't think this is limerence anymore. 😵

Dear mummy,

words can't even begin to describe the kind of pain it is to be your daughter. I've known you my whole life yet I've completely failed to understand you and why you choose to be the way you are. I've failed to understand your refusal to take accountability for the problems you continue to create within our family.

I understand that you were born in a different time where abuse was a style of parenting, and where children were seen but not heard. I understand that you were raised to think that these sort of things were okay. but in your 50 years of living how have you failed to see that this behaviour you continue to do is exactly what's affecting your relationship with your children. A relationship you so desperately want yet refuse to fight for. I don't understand why you're afraid of your children leaving you when you're older, but you refuse to care and nourish them while they're still here with you. aren't you contradicting yourself mummy? why do you make it your life's mission to create division between the children in this family and the turn around and ask us to be united and love one another. are you not being a hypocrite mummy? why do you continue to coddle the boys in the family and forbid them from lifting a finger, and then turn around and blame us girls when they behave like selfish, inconsiderate bastards. Was it me who raised them mummy? I don't think you understand the kind of environment you created for us mummy.

I was raised in a house where I wasn't allowed to make mistakes. a place where my opinions didn't matter. a home where facts were void because you're the only one who could ever be right. I can't even count the amount of times where you made me feel so ashamed for existing in the body I do. If it wasn't my weight that was the issue, it was my gender, and if it wasn't that then it was the fact that I was unfortunate enough to look like my father. You quite literally raised me to hate myself! but on the few occasions you take an interest interest in what I have to say, you act surprised when I tell you that I don't really like the way I look. One time you actually had the audacity to ask me why I wasn't confident in myself like the other kids. I even specifically remember you asking me why we're not close, and why I don't tell you things. You expect me to behave like a child who was raised in a home where her voice mattered, a place where her questions weren't dismissed as disrespect. but honestly mummy your like a sculptor who never touched the clay but demands a masterpiece. And for that I will never forgive you, no matter how much I love you.

I used to believe you'd change, but time and time again you proved me wrong. I hope you know that all those times we argued and disagreed on what you were doing, I was trying to mend to our relationship. I hope you understand that all those times I was being a "disrespectful child" who "talked back to her elders", I was hoping you'd understand that I fought because I wanted a relationship with you. But now I understand that you are simply too proud to change. Too proud to even consider that maybe you went about motherhood the wrong way. But it's ok. Knowing this has honestly freed me. I'm no longer the girl who's filled with jealousy when I see my friends have fulfilling relationships with their mothers. I'm no longer the girl whose eyes fill with tears when I see someone on TV who reminds me of you. Because at least now I know where we stand.

Sincerely your daughter

We have been married almost 30 years

I feel like I took too much too long

I have worked full time as my husband did, we raised a daughter, I did most of it, he barely changed her diaper, never woke up at night when she was little

I deal with all BS by his mother, and I was a selfish DILwhen I tried to set a boundary w her.

He has full on ADHD, when I come home after working 7 am to 5:30 pm, the house is a mess, I run like a crazy woman to tidy up the house to the level that is barely acceptable as a living environment. I obviously contribute our house purchase 50% from out joint bank account, but I can not enjoy the house because it is so cluttered, looks like a dump inside-out all the time. The yard was beautiful when we purchased the house, now it looks like a junk yard. Things are placed so randomly, if I mention about it, he would say something like he is trying to don't look at them. But he refuses to get a house keeper because “I don't want a stranger in our house” or “I don't trust those people.”

I deal with his MIL living in our backyard house, and I am 100% sure she has bipolar personality disorder but my husband try to satisfy her like a little boy try to please mother who never satisfy. She acts like a princess while she is 88yo. Just hard to watch. He sacrifices everything including his job, his health, sanity, and his family. The relationships between him, I, and our daughter are non-existing because he devote his everything to take care of his parents. We have not had family time for years.

How is this ok, I am taking way too much, feels like I am done with being a good person because everybody is taking an advantage over me

I'm trans ftm right-

I have this friend(not my partner fyi. different person.), I'll call her A I guess. She usually just teases me about my partner and stuff and like occasionally I feel like she takes it too far. Some jokes are cool, I get it. But calling me gay(I support gay people fyi, however I'm not) got old quick, since that's the only thing she really talks to me about. Occasionally she'll call me a girl to make fun of me, even when I say that I'm not comfortable with it. She steals my stuff, even when I say not to. I get that its out of humour, but am I in the wrong for this?

Heyah👋🏻😄!!

I'm a short girly, and I was wondering if being short is a good thing when choosing a person to date🤔? I'm also 24, and I worry that my 4 foot 11 inch tall frame might make dudes think of me as a child🫠? I get the "you're super cute" instead of "you're super pretty/s*xy" sorta thing.

Also, because I'm super short my body proportions might seem a bit odd, as I have a size H bust... And that has confused a few of my male and female friends, cause I look like one of those anime characters who's child-like but has an "unrealistic" chest size🥴. They're real by the way, and I've always wanted size C or D, but..... Money😭💸!!

So, I'm asking the public... Anonymously, if my short stature, and front watermelons would turn people off🫠?

So, I've been feeling REALLY trapped lately. I'm 48, in a relationship with my girlfriend for what feels like forever; we're not married, no kids or anything, just two people co-existing under the same roof (I own the house). The thing is, she’s been in burnout for a long time now and honestly... I don't think she's capable of living alone at this point.

Don't get me wrong, she's great in so many ways but it feels like I'm doing all the work literally and figuratively. I commute a lot because my job is far away; spending hours stuck in traffic each day just to provide for us... It's taking its toll. But here I am every day grinding my way to maintain this life we've built together when it doesn't even feel like mine anymore?

I'm not sure if this makes me an awful person but I don't love her like before. That spark has faded away over time which leaves me wondering why stay? But thinking about leaving and seeing her struggle tears me apart; am I supposed to just abandon ship when things get tough? Is it even possible to find happiness again without crushing hers?

There's no manual on how these things should work out... Sure some would say communicate more or whatever – easier said than done! It's exhausting being rational while submerged in emotions all around you!! Sometimes it feels like there's no light at the end of the tunnel... How do you even begin untangling years’ worth of commitment without losing yourself completely?! 😩😖

Growing up, my sister Emily and I lived in a quaint little town which never quite felt like home to me. Eventually, the stifling atmosphere became too much, and I made my move to Chicago, where I found a vibrant, 24-hour city that accommodated both my lifestyle and my needs as a person with a disability.

A while back, in the midst of my apartment lease, I decided to purchase a home, settling on an 800-square-foot bungalow in a delightful neighborhood. It was move-in ready and cost me $220,000. By comparison, Emily bought a larger, 2,400-square-foot home that was 20 years old in our old town for just $170,000 last year. In our hometown, a place like mine might fetch about $80,000 tops. There's really no comparison in market dynamics between here and there.

Emily visited just yesterday to check out my new digs for the first time. She's always been a bit wary of Chicago's reputation and seemed underwhelmed by my bungalow, despite her prior admiration of the photos. She referred to it as just a "good starter home," though I intend it to be my forever home. Upon hearing what I paid for it, she quipped that she spent $50,000 less for a newer, larger home. I shrugged it off, expressing that for me, the value lies in the lifestyle and opportunities my new location affords, which seemed to strike a nerve with her. She accused me of looking down on our hometown and suggesting I was acting superior. I tried to smooth things over by suggesting we grab some food nearby, but she opted to leave instead, requesting gas money for what she felt was a wasted trip. I refused, standing my ground that she chose to leave early, which only heated the argument more until she stormed out, calling me a jerk changed by the big city life.

Honestly, it baffles me — this whole situation leaves me questioning who's really at fault in this sibling squabble, considering neither of us likes dragging relatives into our disputes. Yet, Emily has been airing the situation to her friends, painting me as the antagonist.

Imagine this scenario playing out in the full glare of a reality TV show. The tension and drama would certainly draw viewers in, projecting our private family matter onto a national stage. How would the audience react to such a raw and real-life familial conflict where the subtleties of personal values and life choices are laid bare? Would they sympathize with my pursuit of a fulfilling city life, or see me as dismissive of my roots? The scrutiny and perhaps the judgment of the public could add an overwhelming pressure to both our actions and decisions.

I'm currently 22, turning 23 soon, and I'm in my fifth year of undergrad. Each summer, my family embarks on extensive trips in their camper, and this year, we rendezvoused during their travels. From the outset, my relationship with my father was strained; he barely spoke to me, which I initially attributed to problems he had with his truck during their journey.

After spending a few days together, my mom mentioned their plan to remodel their basement into a one-bedroom apartment. The idea was partly to provide me with rent-free living space and partly to enhance the property’s value. Given my tumultuous year with housing—having had to move three times due to disagreements with roommates, issues with past girlfriends, and troublesome landlords—my parents suggested this basement apartment as a solution. They presented it as a way to ease my financial burdens and curb the ongoing stress. Unlike my brother, who seems to excel in following their guidance and is pursuing a high-paying major, I've chosen to become a music teacher, a path that doesn’t promise substantial financial rewards. Additionally, my secret continuation of smoking weed, which they caught me doing years ago, and their incessant unsolicited advice and opinions, have only widened the gap between us.

I expressed my reluctance to move into the basement, citing the constant familial conflicts and my desire for independence. Having always felt overshadowed by my parents, especially since my father was also my high school science teacher, I’ve struggled to carve out my own identity. This historical backdrop intensifies my current resolve.

Predictably, my decision was met with disappointment. My parents think I’m making a financial mistake by not moving back. Despite juggling a full-time job as a restaurant manager and my studies, I find this scenario less damaging to my mental health compared to living with them. I’m tackling some credit card debt, but it’s manageable with a few months of dedicated work. Their continued attempts to monitor my phone, control my banking, and pay for my education make me feel boxed in. Any resistance from my side seems to position me as the ungrateful, rebellious family member.

Imagine if this whole dynamic was unpacked on a reality TV show. The cameras would likely amplify our family tensions, portraying a dramatic generational clash over independence and control. Viewers might sympathize with my struggle for autonomy, or they might side with my parents, viewing their interventions as caring, albeit overbearing. The added pressure and public scrutiny could either force a resolution or deepen the rift, making for compelling television but an unnerving personal experience.

My wife gave me(also female) an ultimatum 2 years ago to take her sick mother in or she would choose to leave me for her mother. In hindsight. I should have left. But I didn’t bc I love my wife. It’s been a rough 2 years. Hasn’t felt like much of a marriage. More just like roommates who say I love you. Fast forward 2 years. Her mom needs a lung transplant. If any of you have been through any process like this. It is long. It is hard. It is draining. And you need A LOT of things to get listed. Medically alone. I do not think she will be eligible. But aside from that. They look into your finances. We already live paycheck to paycheck. (I have 2 kids from previous relationships that obviously cost money as well). Her mom basically turned our living room into a hospital room. And the other thing they look into is having multiple caregivers available whenever, if ever the transplant happens. To rotate 24/7 care for 3-6 months. All 4 of her siblings said no. As they did when she got sick and needed help. I knew it would be a no again. So she turns to me. On my birthday of all days. And tells me that if I’m not in it 100% with her. Then I should just leave now. She is not my mom. She is not my problem. She knows how I have felt about it from the beginning. And I cannot take that time off of work. If SHE takes that unpaid time off of work. We will not be able to pay rent. If I ALSO take that time off. We will be living in our cars. This is an absurd thing to ask of me. I know she’s desperate to save her mom. But they are enmeshed. And honestly. Medically I don’t think she will be eligible. So again. Willing to throw me out for her mom. I’m sure you can imagine all of the things that have gone on for the last 2 years. This is just the most recent. Thank you for listening.

So around last December, me and a friend were sitting around a fire and the fire wouldn't stay lit so we decided to go to a bar. Well, I didn't feel like changing clothes bc I was comfortable, and it was cold asf. So I went out wearing my plush pajama pants and a Columbia fleece jacket which probably wasnt the best idea😂 well we got too the bar and we were playing pool and my buddy bumped into this dude behind us, and when he did it made the guy miss his shot. So the dude was not happy at all he turned around and pushed my buddy. So being the friend that I am I walked up and pushed this guy too the ground, and when I did one of his buddies came up behind me and uppercutted and grabbed and was squeezing tff out of my balls all at the same time. Until I went to my knees and when I got down to his level I remember him saying in my ear while still squeezing and twisting my balls "oh your boys are nice and fuzzy".Which i mean the pants are soft asff but there were so many people around. Including girls lol that heard that, and it was humiliating. I couldn't do anything but hold my inner thigh and hoped he let go. Well, it went on for about 30 more seconds. That's when i felt something pop and he let go. I instantly got to my feet, limping but walking. My buddy helped me walk out of the bar. I remember being sore and not being able to close my legs for a week. My gf still doesn't know about anything when she asked me what was wrong. I just told her I rolled my ankle bc she kept asking why I was limping. What would be a good way to tell her about this embarrassing situation?

so , yesterday was my so called best friends birthday , and i said hapy birthday and left them to enjoy there birthday , then i saw at 9pm at night them putting not just 1 status but 1 status and about on whatsapp saying i am done with fake people . On seeing this i messaged this person seeing if they where ok and what had gone on and the reply was i am off to bed , night . This seeming bit rude i left them to it and messaged them today again asking what had gone on , the question then still been ignored . so i was like i am trying to care but there not aloowing me too . Then got a 13 min voice note , telling me i have no respect for my self apparently that i wasnt communicating and that i seemed like a lowsy best friend .

Me being like the hell because this person allways thinks about geting her self invovled in my relationship stuff , she doesnt support what i do she doesnt like that i do what i wanna do and no one can change my mind . but if she wants help in her relationship i dont say basically dump him that she had no respect for her self ect. So i told them how i felt and said i wanted space as how upset this person made me feel but also how angry i was and tired of being made out to be the bad guy . its not the first time its happened either . its getting beyond a joke that is how they are being so yeah . i must be someone who has no respect for my self and all that . also while this person saying i am horrible i am on 3 days of migraines do they ask if i am ok nope they say i dont try hard enough

I don't feel good about what I've achieved. At the cost of scandals and failure, I've made friends, my father succumbed to giving me money, to having everyone under my thumb, and it's very unpleasant. I don't like being on top of the world. How can people find that funny? I don't find it funny at all.

They always make up any excuse to accept the fact. I mean, they do everything, they knock down expectations for whatever reason, and as a result, they fall flat. However, if it's someone who respects them, then no. They kick the guy, they do everything to him, they demean him. I was in this guy's shoes. Why? The world seems upside down.

I don't like the way things are. I went crazy with a girl, and now she's accepted me on Instagram. I was rude to a girl, and she reacted unconditionally. These are just some examples. I called my father shit, and now he's opened up. All of them in an effort to do things right, to avoid disappointing me.

Why should I make a fuss to gain respect? I don't think this is in any way a measure of self-respect; I don't like it this way. I feel like everything should have been carried out calmly, but I'm already worried that things aren't going to happen this way. On both sides, it's detrimental to my health, except that if I make a fuss, I get social approval. In other words, what I'm doing to myself becomes more unconscious.

I don't feel right. Frankly, I wasn't taught to put this into words. I was always taught to boast about it. I feel like I'm on a kind of throne from which I want to step down. I don't know how some people can tolerate being at such heights. Why do we fight to be there? It doesn't feel good at all. I feel like I'm a kind of tyrant, and justified, too. I don't know; it's a feeling that I'm being led to my own death.

When they were bad, at least they gave me the chance to escape from what was affecting my health. In this case, when they are good, the chance is smaller; I feel restrained, forced to comply, and to continue harming myself. I feel I was better off in the first case, where I saw how people, under their freedom, appreciated my respect. In this moment, when they are no longer under the same deception, I only see a downright lie, an even more selfish desire to please me. In the previous case, this is not the case.

How ironic the way things are. I, who deep down so much wanted to be one of those who had others at their feet, a whole world supporting me, find that no, that in the end, such a world is nothing more than a lie. And now that I think about it, I think it's crazy to think that there will be many who are good to you and few who aren't. I think this is a bad sign, but the opposite is true, when we act in the name of respect, justice, and also peace, which I believe not everyone knows how to navigate in such a terrain.

In short, if everyone likes us, then they're not seeing us because, in principle, not everyone has the time to see us in detail. It seems like those exceptions are miraculous because if they see us, even if it's in a detached way, in contrast to the others, it just allows them to visualize things. When a few people like us, then they do look at us, but at least they do so in profound detail, while the majority, it seems to me, usually don't see us and therefore act with a certain indifference. However, all of this is within limits; that is, I'm speaking of a good case, a case with details, of a majority that isn't violent and of a few who are so little fanatic; it can't be the other way around either. I feel that when we reach extremes, there's only so much trouble in our lives, regardless of the modus operandi of the majority and the minority.

I don't feel it's right—I'm thinking of some kids who remain distant when I greet them, and when I say goodbye, too, and I don't like that; I feel like I'm adapting to something I don't like. I feel like I'm abandoning that kid who felt others treated me unfairly. However, it seems to me to be the right thing to do because I rightly saw others' treatment as unfair when in fact it was the opposite. What else are people going to do? How many have had the opportunity to appreciate what respect is? I prefer to wander through life and find someone who, in fact, sowed such a question and reaped the same rewards. I think I should give myself the opportunity to find tremendous treasures and also give hope that it can be done to those who have been in my shoes.

I don't know why I feel like I'm thinking in a haphazard way. I can't really organize my thoughts. It just happens that I feel like there can't be a precise rule or something like that. Maybe I'm looking for ways, references, to get to know people. I feel a bit confused. I was never taught to understand how to understand Including people in my life. It was all about working with what I'd already done, with what was already there, but never forging new relationships. My parents didn't have the capacity; they scared them away. In fact, they managed to scare me away. I think my parents succeeded, or the best they could do, was to distance themselves from me, as was the case with my family in general, because I felt they wouldn't appreciate me. I don't know, I don't feel healthy, or entirely sane with these words, but well, speaking at length is a start.

I insist, everything feels confusing. I feel like maybe I'm using those filters my parents taught me to have people by my side. I feel like everything I've said, as funny as it may seem, I don't like it, I don't feel it's appropriate, but maybe it is. I don't know how to go out into the world. The successful things I have as a reference for going out into the world are people who were like a kind of wolves, perfectly selfish people who achieved great success among the masses. I feel like maybe some of that has rubbed off on me, or maybe not. I don't know, but I don't feel like I know who I am, specifically, because I feel like I haven't fulfilled my role, either with my family or with those people, but with myself.

I'm noticing that when I don't fulfill my creative goals, I don't like it; people reject it fiercely. But when I do, I feel like I don't know who I am. I don't find myself in others, and I was taught to find myself through others. By the way, I don't know when to go to a psychiatric emergency room. The thing is, there are no emergency numbers in my country, and I think that's the first thing I want to discuss with my therapist. I can't always be perfect, and I feel like I sometimes fall apart. I don't have their number and no one else to turn to. I also don't know how to manage my current situation with what I have. I know what I have is useful, but I don't know how or what things. I feel like I'm really fading precisely because of this belief that I find myself through others. Also, I don't want to create a personality, an imposed concept, because I feel it's limiting, it doesn't allow me to broaden my horizons, or well, at least not in terms of what could describe a process, a continuity.

I don't know what's happening to me, honestly. I feel like I'm more processing who I am right now, ceasing to see myself in the past.