Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

So here I am, 41 years old, a dude who’s been married for a good chunk of time, and it seems my wife has decided that couples therapy is a must. She thinks it's gonna fix whatever’s broken in our little world. I get it, maybe I’m not the best at pouring my heart out—that’s always been her forte. But every time we sit in those sessions, I’m blank. My mind's as empty as a bird-less sky, and it's pissing her off. She wants deep conversations; I’m more of a "cut to the chase" guy. The therapist throws out terms like "emotional bandwidth" and "communication barrier," and while it sounds sophisticated, it really just makes me feel like I’m taking a pop quiz I didn’t study for. Am I supposed to say what’s really on my mind or just nod and agree? Anyone who’s been there, what's the deal? 🤔

My wife hit me with a quote once, "The unexamined life is not worth living,"...; it sure sounds smart, but I'm still scratching my head about how it applies to our Tuesday at 5 PM therapy slots. I’m supposed to dig up stuff to talk about—things from the past, the future, "feelings" (whatever they are). But here’s the truth, maybe I'm scared of opening up. What if peeling back those layers just exposes more crap I didn’t even know was buried deep in my subconscious? And here's another thing: I've always been a "don't fix it if it ain't broke" guy, but maybe that's led to some cracks in the foundation. Friend of mine once said, "Marriage is like a poker game; you gotta know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em." Maybe it’s time I start holding up my end of the deal a bit better without turning every session into a game of 20 questions. I'm hopeful because change is possible, right? But damn, how do you even start? Anyone else out there in the same spot, any tips, or is it just blah blah until the clock runs out?

Every Saturday morning, I make it a ritual to visit a bustling local coffee shop to study. The ambient noise strangely helps me concentrate, so I arrive at 8 a.m. right when they open to secure a spot. The setup includes two-person tables, a few larger ones, and countertop seating. I generally prefer a two-person table against the wall for a bit of privacy and so that passersby can't sneak a peek at my laptop screen.

Just yesterday, at around 9 a.m., while engrossed in my work, a woman, let's call her Carol, decided to sit at my table without asking. This irked me somewhat as my personal space felt invaded, but I chose to ignore it assuming she was temporarily there waiting for her order. However, it soon became apparent that she had other plans. She had been conversing with another woman in line, whom we'll call Janet. Janet mentioned that they might need to get their food to go since no tables were free. Carol casually gestured towards me, indicating they planned to take over my table. This assumption of theirs added to my irritation since it felt like I was merely an obstacle in their plans.

As expected, Janet approached me after placing their order and asked if I could shift to the counter so Carol could sit at my table, citing her recent back surgery which made counters uncomfortable for her. I refused, explaining I also found the counters uncomfortable and didn't have sufficient space for all my study materials. Janet labeled me rude and inconsiderate and even questioned why I was there since I apparently wasn't eating. I clarified that I had indeed purchased breakfast and a drink. Their persistence continued until a coffee shop employee intervened. I confirmed that they were bothering me, resulting in Carol and Janet being asked to leave.

When I later shared this incident at home, expecting some support from my roommate, I received a lukewarm response. She acknowledged that Carol and Janet were rude, but also hinted that maybe I could've been more accommodating given the crowded nature of the cafe. My sister even compared it to not offering a seat to someone with disabilities on public transport, which I disagreed with vehemently as café seating doesn't equate to essential transportation needs. Both seemed to imply that Carol's and Janet's need to be seated was imperative, leaving me conflicted.

Reflecting on this, I wonder how this scenario would play out if it were part of a reality TV show. Often, these shows thrive on conflict and pushing social boundaries, so likely, viewers might find the drama enthralling. Would the audience side with me for standing my ground, or would they view me as the villain for not accommodating someone with a medical condition despite the discomfort it would cause me?

For those used to reality TV dynamics, it could be an interesting discussion on personal space versus social responsibility.

Would I be the villain in a reality TV show situation?

My brother-in-law recently approached me with a request for his birthday - he wanted me to buy him a new bed. It's been a struggle for him financially; he shares an apartment with our mother-in-law and barely makes ends meet. His monthly income is around $1,000 at best, and he often can't cover his share of the rent. He holds a job at a local fast food joint, working merely 16 hours a week over two days, and he resists the idea of picking up more shifts. He says the job exacerbates his anxiety, particularly because his manager doesn’t allow him to listen to music or use his mobile phone during shifts, which he feels infringes on his personal freedoms.

When he called, he also mentioned a list of desired birthday gifts that he circulates annually among family members (he's 24, mind you), with the bed being a top priority since he’s been sleeping on a sofa ever since he moved back in with his mother. While I didn’t mind the idea of spending $200 on the bed, his financial management seemed questionable.

This became evident when I learned that he was planning a lavish week-long trip to Universal Studios, aiming to save up $3,000 for it the following year. Needless to say, I was taken abreed. The juxtaposition of his financial struggles with his ambitious vacation plans didn't sit right with me. I confronted him about his priorities, suggesting he reallocate his fun fund towards something as necessary as a bed. Though I am comfortably off, making a six-figure salary myself, the principle of the matter irked me - seeking aid while saving for an extravagant trip seemed irrational.

I withdrew my offer to buy the bed, letting him know that he needs to rethink his spending habits. Am I an ass for doing this? Should I have just bought the bed and ignored his questionable financial ethics?

Imagine this scenario being played out on a reality TV show. The tensions and moral debates would surely make for dramatic television, sparking debates among viewers. Would the audience side with me in thinking his request was unreasonable given his saving goals, or would they perceive my decision as too harsh?

I recently got promoted at work, which allowed me to move into a new apartment in a desirable neighborhood. It's the first time I've lived on my own, and I'm genuinely proud of the independence and space I've earned.

However, things took an unexpected turn. My older brother, Thomas, who's always had his share of financial instability, found himself in a bind. He and his wife, notoriously poor with money management, were evicted from their apartment due to soaring rent prices. Now, homeless with their two children, ages 5 and 7, Thomas reached out for help.

Thomas asked if he and his family could crash with me while they sorted out their situation. But here’s the hitch: my apartment is a modest one-bedroom, barely spacious enough for me alone, and certainly not designed for a family of four with young kids. I’ve never dealt with children and the thought of childproofing and constantly monitoring the kids is daunting.

I tried to offer financial assistance instead, suggesting that I could pay for a temporary rental or a hotel stay. Despite this, Thomas and his wife are firm on the idea that staying with family is not only economical but also less stressful for their children.

The pressure from my family didn’t take long to mount. My parents and relatives began labeling me as selfish, accusing me of prioritizing my “fancy apartment” over the well-being of family. They remind me excessively that “Family helps family,” and plead me to consider my young nieces, which does tug at my heartstrings.

Despite the guilt-tripping, I've decided to hold my ground. However, it's left me isolated, with family members expressing their disappointment, making me second-guess if I'm being unreasonable or cold-hearted.

If this scenario were featured on a reality show, imagine the varied reactions from audience members! Viewers might be divided, some sympathizing with my need for personal space and understanding the limitations of my living conditions, while others might vilify me for not opening my home, dramatizing the situation with intense family arguments and emotional appeals from my brother, casting me in a less than flattering light. Reality TV thrives on such conflicts, and my situation could easily be framed to boost drama and engage viewers.

Am I really the bad guy here for wanting to maintain my personal sanctuary and my lifestyle?

Have you ever felt like your mother is the source of your problems? Yeah? Me too. Like she is the fuel in the fire that I am drowning in. She is providing me all this warm and then burning me, leaving scars on the skin. My mother talks about toxicity, bad friends, bad life choices. She tells me how *I* feel. She doesn't know me, does she? No. She thinks she does, the cause of all my problems. The hopelessness, the pain, the anger that follows it all. I hate it.

I hate my mother.

And wish it'd been an actual bicycle instead. I'm a bisexual man living in an authoritarian homophobic country. A few years ago I experienced a heart-shattering breakup, as my only soulmate and only physical relationship I've had (a girl) left me over something stupid I did (got expelled from university and hid it from her; it was more the broken trust aspect of it to her than anything). I hadn't been a very happy man before that either. All my life I've felt isolated and alienated, being bisexual, overly sensitive, overweight, nerdy, introverted, and teetotal. I grew a thick shell around me to silence my inner child/core being and reduce the sensitiveness, and it worked. But it turned out that love brings it all back out, the good and the bad.

My soulmate was the only person I've ever felt a deep connection to, who felt like someone who really understood me or at least parts of me better than anyone could. With her gone, and most of my immediate family dead to cancer, Alzheimer's, heart attacks and whatnot, I was at a complete loss. I retreated back into my shell, and it was all extinguished again, the good and the bad. My capacity for tender, genuine love - which she'd been surprised greatly by, only knowing me as the sarcastic jester - and my oversensitivity, which sometimes caused me to read too much into some poorly communicated words or actions. I was in great pain for a few months and slept a lot, until the death throes ceased, and I went back to this bland apathetic existence of a dead inside sarcastic cynic.

Until a few days ago, when it felt like some kind of other person took control of my body. I'd been noticing it for a while, the ever-increasing buildup inside of me towards homosexual attraction. While normally I was more interested in women, I'd been noticing more and more attraction to men these last years. It lasted longer than usual and felt much stronger. And finally, something within broke and gave in to the urges. I found the two biggest underground resources for gay dating that still remained in my country and posted a profile there. I knew it was stupid, with every ounce of my rationality remaining, but I couldn't help but watch from the sidelines as the other me was overtaken by the fantasy of someone replying to my profile, and me getting to kiss a boy for the first time in my life...

But of course, nothing happened. I know, I know, it's even dumber to expect results in just a few days. However, there are a few things you can't escape from. A few people left comments like "well damn" and "pfft, good luck with that". I also met a guy online who is, unlike me, young and thin and feminine, and using those same resources, he struggled to find love for years, because apparently most people just want an ONS or FWB. If he didn't have a chance, what could I possibly hope for? Look at them, so young and pretty, most of them attracted to each other. Even if some of them want genuine love, what do I bring to the table? An unemployed overweight loser with a crappy apartment, approaching 30. I felt creepy, and sick, and like an abomination. Who cares that you want to kiss a boy and hold him forever and tell him how precious and sweet he is. Who do you think you are to deserve that?

I spent the entirety of yesterday in feverish, sleepy anxiety, so reminiscent of the worst days of my depression, and eventually went to sleep early and slept for 12 hours. I felt better the next day, sleep does help, but some fear, anxiety, and disgust was still there. People who hear my story always tell me how strong I am that I carry on despite everything. Bullshit. I've never felt strong. I just have extreme thanatophobia and anhedonia, not to mention being teetotal, so it looks like I'm strong from the outside. Still alive, and not drunk in a ditch, what more could you ask for. So don't worry, dear reader. I'm not gonna go and off myself after this - Death does not deserve such a gift, and never has, especially after all it's taken from me. But I do feel a part of myself dying again. Love and desire and the desperate scream of a child who didn't get to grow up properly and who's more touch starved than a pharaoh's mummy slowly evaporating and drowning out. Come tomorrow, I will be a functioning adult again. A husk of a man in reality.

Despite this, I will continue to do what I can to improve myself, of course. I will try to shut up my anxiety attacks, clean up the most used areas of my apartment to the best of my ability, and even eat less and go at it on my newly bought exercise bike - a poor man's Ozempic called willpower, that I'd always been sorely lacking, but anhedonia makes it much easier. Maybe, just maybe, years later, when I'm yet older, I'll have a chance to try again. Maybe I'll have a better body and financial situation. I don't know if I'll want to try. I'm so fucking scared to end up like Stephen Fry and start dating again when I'm already 57 or something. And I feel sick to the bone at the cruelty of this world, for putting me in a body full of desires that can't be fulfilled and fears that can't be avoided. Whatever. Life is unfair. Come nightfall, and take it all away. Shed a tear for me, dear reader - mine have dried up a long time ago.

I'm 22, a guy. I've had 5 proper friendships in my life.

First and second one in school, after I moved states. They lasted around 10 years until I got into a relationship. They hated my boyfriend, so I got ghosted and blocked everywhere.

Third was a girl in the city i live in now, after I moved out from my parent's house. We got along until she got more and more toxic. She was 18 at the time, she acted like a spoiled 13 year old. Insulted, bullied and humiliated others. I quit that frie4ndship. She stalked me for 9 months.

Fourth was with an ex of mine, after a year of being apart we got to talk again. He's a nice guy. I adore him, in a very platonic way. He's been ghosting me for 2 months now for no reason.

Last one just broke apart today. A friend of 6 years told me about his struggles. I've been there for him for weeks now since he was feeling bad, but i ran out of tips and tricks. Ran out of solutions, so i simply suggested he'd go back to his therapist, that's what she's there for after all. He ignored me for the day and then started insulting me, calling me names, and much worse. I blocked him.

22 years. and not a single lasting friendship because all people turn out to hate me, ghost me or be toxic. I'm giving up on friendship.

My boss is one of those people who thrive on marginalizing others, turning his back on them. When something happens, he ignores it, using silence as his main weapon, along with small gestures. But since I'm used to it with my father, I don't care. In fact, I suspect he tried to talk to my father and it backfired. Look, I see the guy and he doesn't know what he's talking about at all. He doesn't know what he's saying, how he's expressing it. The man has clearly been losing his mind for some time now. He's always blaming others for all his problems. I mean, the man doesn't recognize his actions, he doesn't know what he's doing. In fact, I have the impression that everyone in the office is trying to drive him crazy, justifiably, so we can avoid protecting him from falling into the trap where he'll be in for a rude awakening, precisely so we can finally have him at our mercy, under our control, and thus take complete control of the department, which has been out of our hands for quite some time. We don't know how much time we have left after the tragedies in my country, but at least something can be done. We can try to justify his current situation, taking advantage of his elusive nature and the trust of the authorities, who are women, given the pervasive sexism. We need to keep him under control; he makes everything he does work. We need to make all his strategies for clinging on a living hell. Bringing him down to earth only makes him escape again. While we can't get rid of him completely, since he threatens with gossip and other tactics, then let's play the game of subduing him until he changes or leaves. That way, we can have peace of mind and he can make the decision himself. But he has to understand that the company isn't his, and we don't have to submit to him, give him any special treatment, or anything like that. We've been subjected to this for too long, and we've had enough. In fact, one of the heads of the other department arrived late precisely so as not to be involved, not to support him in any way in that hell he'd gotten himself into, that the authorities had put him in, making him look desperate for recognition, like a chauvinist, someone who seeks power at any cost, justifying everything he does, running away from everything—that man who simply doesn't know where he stands and never has, and who uses work as an excuse, being himself completely useless; doing things is utterly pointless.

He wanted me to become part of a family with him so he could have control, but I didn't allow it. It's exhausting to keep zooming in on this issue. I'm tired and I'd like to dedicate myself to something else, to another area of ​​knowledge. However, I don't know what else to do, I don't know where to turn. I feel like my father would get angry if he saw me straying from the path I'm on. He'd be fed up, annoyed if he saw me going my own way, stepping outside my comfort zone, expanding my horizons into other areas of knowledge. For my father, being okay means staying within the established parameters, which in effect shows that he's abusive towards me. He keeps me trapped and at his mercy, but I'm tired of it. I feel I have the right to do as I please, not because of my age, but because I want a different path, I want to explore diverse interests, delve deeper into things. I'm tired of being confined by his rules, just as I'm tired of being confined by my friend's rules, of only focusing on work. We could be friends in that sphere, but I feel—and I have to admit it—that it's a form of coercion. He guides me solely through work, arbitrarily, out of fear of losing her. It makes me feel violated by her, all in the name of her safety, and I don't like that. There are no agreements or anything like that, of course. Making them would reveal her aggressive nature, which she applies to others, her tendency to lie and overwhelm them. It's unbelievable, but it was the only way she had of keeping me around. At the cost of violence, at the cost of that unspoken threat, which my boss imposed on me because I strayed from where he wanted me to be, because I was damaging his image, it's outrageous that he can somehow keep you where he wants you, without your permission. I feel like I'm being treated like an animal, and I'm tired of defending my friend because of it. In fact, I live, in a way, in perpetual conflict with her, and I make it clear to her, and at least she reacts, but not significantly. It's like pretending she can keep all the power she has, as long as she can't control it, and it makes me feel completely absorbed from my life. And I really don't think she understands this because of her thirst for power. I feel just as dominated as when I was with my boss.

I feel just as dominated as when he was around. I don't feel free to talk about what I want, to reach an agreement, or anything like that. Instead, I feel like I have to let this girl lead the way. I feel seemingly free, but I'm not. I feel trapped by this absence, limited to doing what I want because I don't know her terms. I always have to deduce them. Before, I felt a certain freedom with my boss, within the confines of the office, where I didn't allow him to go any further. But with this friend, it's a different game. I feel like I don't know where we're going, what my future holds, what will happen if I do one thing or another. I feel completely immobilized, all because of this whole thing with pursuing her, and of course, she's provoking me too. I don't know why I gave in to her, I don't know why I went to her. She turned out to be my escape from my boss, definitely, but now I'm in a worse place, where I feel like I can't think straight, can't do anything. I have to live at the mercy of focusing on someone else to forget about the whole thing, and it's just not fair. I feel like that's how she's kept me under control, while she goes around shouting that she's so important. I feel hurt, subjugated, and it makes me wonder, when will this nightmare of control end?

I didn't go out into the world to be dominated, not at all. But I feel like I'm exaggerating, like what I'm saying can't be true. How could I have fallen into the same trap as before? Everything was supposed to be different, but it wasn't. I feel like I'm saying something that can't be true, that I'm confused, I feel like I'm in a place, not better, but already outside of all imposition, but a feasible place, I feel like I'm in that, it just so happens that right now I have to do something else and it's hard for me to write. I feel fed up with the whole office thing. I want to leave it behind once and for all. What's done is done, and I feel like I need to move on. But somehow, I'm reacting to this inertia, this need to distance myself, to not be a part of it. Even though I'm on vacation, it's more about completely differentiating where I am from the office. Firstly, because here I end up talking about it, unlike there, which is the fundamental issue. And it's truly embarrassing because I feel like my ideas don't resonate there. They're not prepared for them because they don't know how to read or listen. They detach themselves from the discourse, they don't follow it. When they speak, they don't see the conversation; they try to detach themselves from it by taking preventative measures. It's regrettable, but I also find myself surrounded by people who are, in this sense, completely alienated from the present. What other discoveries will I make in the future? I've already seen so many flaws in that office... I can't even see them as having come from some school, because they don't seem to have come from there. They may know things, about gossip, about social games, but they don't know how to intellectualize in order to socialize and socialize in order to intellectualize, and that's precisely the purpose of school. They are not prepared to be in the country, it must be said now.

Greetings,

I am an employee at a residential facility that provides support for individuals needing constant assistance. I manage type 1 diabetes, which necessitates self-administration of insulin and diligent monitoring of my blood sugar levels. To keep track of my glucose, I employ various methods: 1) An app on my mobile that receives data from a sensor on my arm, 2) manual scanning of the arm sensor using my phone when the app is unresponsive or when the phone is too far from the sensor, and 3) occasional traditional blood tests, which I use less frequently than the other methods.

One of my colleagues, named Amanda, whom I work with during the week, often oversteps boundaries concerning my diabetes. Her interest in the condition stems from her husband having type 2 diabetes and owning two diabetic cats. Despite my attempts to establish clear limits regarding my personal health, Amanda regularly intrudes with probing questions.

A typical day at work involved me manually scanning my sensor for a quick glucose reading—an activity Amanda witnessed. As usual, she inquired about my well-being. I reassured her that I was fine and mentioned that she need not worry each time she sees me use my scanner. I expressed that I would let her know if I was in any discomfort or if my levels were off. Despite claiming to respect my feelings by promising to not check on me again, Amanda continued her usual inquiries.

This consistent behavior led to a more heated exchange where Amanda confronted me, labeling my previous responses as rude. She insisted her questions were out of concern. I explained, once again, the necessity for frequent monitoring and asserted that while I appreciate her concern, her constant questioning felt invasive. In response, she scoffed and suggested I refrain from scanning when in her presence to avoid her inquiries. This suggestion was unreasonable to me, given the importance of regular monitoring of my condition, especially at work. Our conversation ended with her sarcastically proposing that I check my glucose levels away from her, an idea I dismissed immediately.

Imagining this scenario on a reality TV show, the tension and drama would undoubtedly be magnified. The audience might sympathize with the need for personal space and medical independence or perhaps view the confrontation as an unnecessary escalation. In such a setting, both viewpoints could be dramatically highlighted, leading to a divisive audience reaction—some siding with the need for privacy and understanding of medical conditions, while others might perceive it as a trivial misunderstanding blown out of proportion for entertainment.

I'm not ok, I think. I haven't slept in three days, haven't eaten a thing today except for some Smarties and don't plan to eat anything else. I just feel like I'm sinking in the deep end. All my friends are changing and I'm left behind, the same as I've always been, wondering where everyone else went. I just need to grow up, people tell me that all the time, sometimes to be reassuring and sometimes to be insulting, but I can't, I don't change even when everyone else does. I'll always be me, the one who hides everything inside and only shows people what they want, but yet I'm still hated and ridiculed because I did something wrong, because I refused someone's help, because I forgot to be who they wanted me to be. I just wish I could show them the person inside, with no fear that they'd hate me more than they do. Everyone around me only tolerates me, and barely at that. Maybe I'm being a drama queen, people often say that I am, but I'm just so sick and tired of being misunderstood. They see me as an attention seeker when I try to hint at the fact that maybe I need more help than I'm letting on. Everyone's tired of my crap. I constantly give people issues, I start fights, I don't deserve to be here. People would be better off without me. Don't worry, I have something to remind me that death is never the only way out of things. But that reminder hasn't been working as well lately. Nobody really even likes me. I'm a hypocrite, and idiot, a weirdo, and nuisance, a burden on this world. I'm hanging on but barely. I keep stumbling through the tunnel but the light is getting dimmer. The clouds are coming back. The sun is gone. I am unlovable and unloved. No one wants to even try with me anymore. And it's not like I can tell anyone this. They'd never understand.

I honestly don’t know why I’m like this. It’s like the second someone shows me even the tiniest bit of kindness or attention, my brain goes into overdrive. Suddenly, I’m imagining what our conversations will be like next week, wondering if they think about me too, and playing out fake scenarios in my head like I’m in a damn rom-com. It doesn’t even have to be romantic all the time. It can be a new friend, a coworker, a person I met once at a party who made me laugh. I get so emotionally invested so fast, and then I’m left there waiting, hoping they feel the same way. And when they don’t? Or worse, when they pull away a little? I crumble. Every single time. And it’s so frustrating because I know I’m doing it, I see myself getting attached, and I still can’t stop it.

The worst part is, I don’t even think people realize how hard it hits me. On the outside, I probably seem fine. I’ll say things like “Oh yeah, we’re just talking” or “No big deal” but inside, it is a big deal. I’ve already assigned meaning to every text they send, read into every emoji, every word, every pause. I’ve already placed so much hope and emotional weight into someone who might just be casually getting to know me. It’s like I don’t have that middle ground where things can just be neutral or slow. I’m either totally uninterested or way too into it. And it’s exhausting. For me and probably for them too. I get it. I wouldn’t wanna deal with someone who gets attached so easily either. But it’s not like I want to be like this. I don’t sit there thinking, let me obsess over someone I barely know today. It just… happens.

Sometimes I think it’s because I didn’t really have strong, stable connections growing up. I had friends, but not the kind of deep, lasting friendships you see in movies or on social media. I had moments where I felt really alone, and maybe now I’m constantly looking to fill that space. Like I’m searching for people who will finally stay. Who will see me, really see me, and not walk away when I get too intense or too emotional. But that intensity, I think, scares people. I give too much too soon. I reply too quickly. I ask too many questions. And then when they start backing off, I panic and cling harder. And then, of course, they really back off. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm scared they'll leave, so I act in a way that pushes them to leave. And every time it happens, it reinforces that belief in my head: that I’m just too much for people.

I wish I could be chill. I wish I could meet someone new and not immediately start caring too much or hoping too much. I wish I could just be in the moment without overthinking everything. But I don’t know how. I’m 20, and I already feel like my heart’s been through too many small, quiet heartbreaks that nobody else even knew were happening. And it’s not even about finding love or anything dramatic like that. Sometimes I just want connection—real, consistent, meaningful connection—and maybe I latch on too fast because I’m scared it’ll disappear if I don’t. But I’m learning, slowly, that not every connection is meant to be permanent. And not everyone who smiles at you or sends a kind message is going to stay in your life. And that’s okay. At least, I’m trying to belive it’s okay.

So I've recently joined a new workplace, and it's a hotel. NGL, I got the job because I know the General Manager and was offered an opening due to my circumstances. Even though I have no prior experience in the industry, I did have experience with customer service and I'm totally willing to learn along the way.

Granted, it's six-day work-week and lower payment for me, but I get meals, a uniform with laundry benefits and a travel allowance. The best part is that it's close to my place and pretty safe for me to work in.

Also, everyone's been really friendly towards me.

This issue is that, despite being offered the job TWICE, once I finally accepted (I was reluctant because I didn't want take advantage of knowing the Manager, it felt.... I dunno, weird to me. But my situation made me accept), I find out that they don't have a workstation available for me. Not even a laptop. They were ok to have ME bring my own laptop and convert it to be used only with their applications, but wouldn't get me my own. They wouldn't repair a desktop they had literally sitting outside the Manager's office. And I'd brought it up multiple times, including to the Manager but after some half-hearted checking, it went back to the default of "You need to adjust". Nevermind that that new guy who came after me got them working on a setup for him (I wondered for a moment if it's because I'm a female that I was ignored)!

Additionally, the ones who've been assigned to supervise me/ use my talents have no idea what to do with me.

One of my supervisors is a lady who's so used to working alone that she absolutely won't budge or co-operate with me to get work done.

A major part of her reporting is extracted from an Excel sheet she uses to keep track of her work. She assigned me the task of helping her using that same sheet. That's on her computer. That can't be used by 2 different users at once.

Ok.... SO, I made a copy of the same sheet in Google sheets and shared the access with her. Her response? "I can't use this. I'll just use my Excel sheet".

............... Brilliant.

Ok, attempt #2 - I copy her sheet into a shared folder and update THAT for her. All she needed to do was use Ctrl+ A + C in the copy sheet and then paste the data into her own Excel sheet in her computer. Easy right?

Not for her! She said it's "double work" for her and she doesn't have the time.

I've asked her MULTIPLE times to give me just 5 minutes with her sheet to update it (I used the Google sheet version, so I can access it on her system.

She keeps refusing, saying she has too much work to do. BUT THEN, she complains that the sheet isn't being updated.

It is. Just on my Google sheets.

She only leaves the system when she's at a meeting with the Manager or at lunch. I've tried accessing her system then, but multiple times have been interrupted by guests and by the time they move on, she's back and I'm evicted.

As for my other supervisor, he had me working in the restaurant in the mornings, (nothing bad, just some waiter stuff that I was ok with) and wanted me to acquire feedback and contacts from event guests (pretty tough as I hadn't gotten the uniform then). BUT THEN, he said he wanted ME - a lone female - to go on what's called "sales/marketing calls" here. Basically, I've got to drum up new clients by visiting businesses in-person, like a door-to-door salesman. But alone.

I wasn't comfortable with this and I've repeatedly told him that I had no experience with such things (being raised abroad in a different culture, I didn't even have the language down pat). I couldn't outright tell him I didn't want to do it or even know HOW to do it, because it would bring trouble to the Manager. As usual, my concern was ignored and I nwas just given an EXTREMELY basic, almost Cliffnotes style instructions on what to do. When I asked to accompany one of the employees who actually does it as part of their job, I was rejected with a lame excuse. I was even told by multiple people that sales calls weren't supposed to be part of my work.

But, hey, no-one who was actually in charge of my work cared. So I stopped caring.

One time when I asked for access the excel for my female supervisor ( I framed it I her as taking a 15 min break while I updated the sheet) her response was she can't give it because her work keeps her at the office upto 2 hrs past her shift end, but if I was willing to work extra time, she'll give my the system.

I just "Ok" and walked away.

She's been upset about my choice to leave on time as much as possible ever since she sprang an overtime request on me and I informed her that I had other plans and couldn't work late. Even though I ended up cancelling the plans because she asked, she was sour about it, asking why I was there after my shift end, and I had to point out that SHE asked ME to stay behind to help her..... And it wasn't even for anything that urgent. It was a task that could have been easily solved with a simple message forward. Even she knew everyone else had gone, but still wanted me to stay back.

So here I am. Trapped and trying very hard not to muddy the waters of my existence. While everyone's polite and friendly (upto a point) , I don't have any actual friends here or anyone who even understands me.

I'm just looking for advice o. How to survive working here without having a breakdown or pissing someone off till I get a better job.

Okay, so like, why does everyone hate me? Seriously, I don’t get it! I mean, I try to just vibe and be chill, but whenever I walk into a room, everyone looks at me like I’ve got three heads or something. It’s NOT cool, honestly! The other day in class, I said something about how I thought the cafeteria pizza was, like, gourmet or whatever, and everyone burst out laughing. I totally didn’t mean to sound like an idiot—but hey, who doesn’t love cheesy carbs?! They went on about how I’m delusional or whatever and even my so-called friends were laughing too. Not a single person backed me up. Totally feels like being a ghost in my own life. I mean, I heard one popular girl whisper, “Ugh, she thinks she’s so funny,” right in front of me. Like, what’s up with that? Can’t we just have a little fun without being judged? This one time, I was just chillin’ on my phone, and this dude walked up to me and asked if I was looking for a friend; I didn’t know if that was a compliment or shade? It’s exhausting, man! I just don’t understand how these people can be so cruel over nothing! Why can’t we just be nice to each other? If you think I’m weird, just say it, don't make it a group thing; people suck!

But then, like, I was scrolling through TikTok, right? And I saw this girl talking about how people hated her too, and she said, “Their opinions don’t matter, just live your best life!” Suddenly, I felt inspired. Like, maybe it’s not me, maybe it’s them! I mean, who died and made them the rulers of the universe? I’m just here trying to get through high school with a decent GPA and maybe have a little fun. So what if I wear funky clothes and like quirky movies? We all have our own vibes, right? Besides, I CAN'T be the only one who feels this way; like, lets be real! I can tell the popular crowd is so fake anyway, just pretending to be perfect and sipping their iced coffees. I think it’s hilarious when they trip up and act like total dorks—maybe we all need a bit of awkwardness, huh? So maybe instead of focusing on the haters, I’ll just be true to myself and own it! Who cares if they think I'm lame? I’d rather be lame and happy than cool and miserable! And hey, if anyone else feels like I do, let’s band together and form our own crew of misfits! We’ll be the ones who actually have fun instead of worrying about stupid opinions; life’s too short to be worried about what others think, right?

this is really starting to drive me insane. i just don't get why some people can't take a hint. i'm talking about my old friend who's stuck in the past or something, refusing to realize that i've moved on with my life. we were pretty close back in the day but you know, life happens and people grow apart. it's been years since we last had a real conversation! yet here they are out of nowhere, bombarding me with text messages like it's still 2010 or something. i've asked them nicely, several times actually, to stop texting me... but guess what??? they just keep messaging. seriously???

i've tried to reason with them and explained that things have changed; we're both different people now with separate lives. honestly, it's gotten to the point where seeing their name pop up on my phone gives me a mini anxiety attack! sometimes i wonder if they're just lonely or bored and i'm trying not to be mean here... but c'mon?! I even quoted an article about boundaries (self-help manuals do come in handy) hoping they'd catch the drift! unfortunately, they didn't.

it's beyond frustrating as i juggle work deadlines and personal issues already piling up on my plate.... there's no room for this added stress! ever feel like you're talking into a void? that's exactly how it feels dealing with someone stuck in rewind mode who refuses to hear you out!! makes me doubt myself if i'm being too harsh? though rationally speaking-my instinct screams self-preservation... and protecting my peace should come first right?

it seems nobody cares about friendship breakups. it’s all about couples breaking up. sure, it can be hard. especially if it ended badly with cheating, arguments, etc. but, you get grace. comfort, help, a place to vent, and no shame for bedrotting and needing time to yourself. but that just doesn’t happen when you “break up” with a friend.

in a way, friendship breakups can be worse. get in an argument over a partner, another friend, or simply something petty. often like romantic relationships.

but friendships are often deeper. more memories, more years as friends, less comfort.

i recently had a friendship breakups with a girl named nevaeh (name drop :O ). it was my first year at this school, in this state, AND my first year of high school.

she was one of the first friends i made, and i sat with her at lunch; aswell as had many classes with her. she was very nice to me, and introduced me to many of the friends i have now.

she had had a rough upbringing. abusive father who’s now in jail, with a shitty mom and step dad, multiple half siblings, and a little brother. she has PTSD (main reactions when people yell), and anger issues. she also used to vape and smoke pot, but i was the one who got her out of both of those addictions.

i had a falling out with one of our mutual friends, denver. she often talked down on those less “attractive” than her, and also the ones with lower income. because of this, i didn’t want to be associated with her.

i asked nevaeh for advice before doing this, where she sided with me. i “dropped” denver, but noticed nevaeh getting distant with me. (keep in mind we were tight before this, no arguments.).

that day after school, her, denver, and two other girls i don’t know added me into a group chat. they started calling me slurs. n word (i am white and they are all white), whore (never had a boyfriend), slut (i dress modest), and a satanist. (i am agnostic while they are all christian.)

i cried. so bad. i asked Nevaeh about it, where she played innocent. but it was never the same between us. i only stayed friends with her since in many classes she was my only friend.

i had never felt more alone. i had no friends.

and nobody comforted me. that’s like breaking up with 10 people at once.

long story short, take friendship breakups seriously.