Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I have a roommate. She is very nice but clueless. I don't really need advice here- I just need to tell someone what is going on because I can't process it.

She came home today asking me if I could help her understand her work contract. She's a music teacher through a local school. She's been doing this for 8 years, thinking that she's been paid $30 for every 30 minutes.

Her hourly rate, as stated in her contract is $30/hr. She's shocked. Says that others are getting paid $30 for each half hour. Then, she starts complaining about the taxes and fees. She says she pays thousandS of dollars/quarter in taxes.

She made $6000 last year from teaching music (she does have another job). But if she's paying thousandS of dollars/quarter, she's losing money being a music teacher. And this has supposedly been going on for EIGHT YEARS.

I'm shocked and telling her she needs to get this sorted ASAP and she's surprised and responds that she'll do it later.

She is an adult and can make her own choices, but I just don't understand how you could be throwing away THOUSANDS of dollars every year and not have dealt with this. How has she made it this far?

I'm afraid to ask if she's got any retirement. It's just hard to watch her function sometimes

At 30 years old, I find myself contemplating the complex dynamics of my family's financial support—or lack thereof, particularly in my case. Being the eldest of five siblings, aged 28, 27, 25, and 23, I observed a distinct bias in how my parents handled financial assistance. Unlike my siblings, who often received financial help with minimal fuss, I was always encouraged to be self-reliant. They repeatedly denied me money for things like new video games or toys, citing the importance of hard work and earning my own way.

Upon completing college, I faced immediate financial struggles, exacerbated by the high cost of living where I secured my first job. Desperate, I reached out to my parents for support, only to be refused, which led to a brief period spent in a shelter followed by sharing a substandard apartment with a similarly situated friend.

Contrary to their approach with me, my parents had not only funded my siblings’ college tuitions but also provided them with considerable sums of money upon graduation to ease their start in life. During the COVID-19 pandemic, this pattern of support continued unabated. When it came to my wedding with my wife, my parents did not offer any financial help, an exclusion that became painfully apparent when my sister got engaged and they openly discussed financing "all the weddings."

Recently, my parents have found themselves in dire financial straits and have turned to me for assistance. They justified their request by citing their generosity over the years, although I reminded them of their selective generosity which excluded me. When I confronted them with evidence of past conversations where I sought their help, they brushed it off, urging me to aid them now because I was financially stable and, after all, they are still my parents.

Despite being able to help, the feeling that their assistance hadn’t been 'earned' held me back. My response was met with accusations of spitefulness. They implored me to help, insisting on family loyalty over past grievances. Yet it felt deeply unjust to be asked to support those who stood by when I was in need. My siblings criticized my decision, condemning it as petty, claiming our parents didn’t deserve such treatment.

The ensuing conflict leaves me questioning: Am I unjustified in my actions?

Imagining how this situation would play out on a reality TV show, it’s clear the family drama would likely captivate viewers. The contrasting treatment between siblings, paired with the emotional appeals for financial aid, creates a storyline ripe for public opinion. Cameras would highlight not only the heated family discussions but also perhaps a broader dialogue about fairness and familial obligations, with audiences eagerly discussing the ethics on social media and cheering or condemning my decision.

I have an abusive mom(both emotionally and physically) And whenever I vent about it, everyone gives her a free pass just because she gave birth to me.

I'll use a conversation I had with my friend a bit ago as an example.

So I was venting to my friend a few weeks ago about my mom, and it was going fine. They were trying to be comforting, and reassuring, ect. But then at the end of it they started talking to me about how I should never cut her off. They said in these exact words: "I know she's not the best mother ever, but she gave you life. Every day she makes sure you have food and water, and a roof over your head. So when you get older, you should still take care of her and keep her in your life" And I guess I just got really angry at this.

Yeah she makes sure I have food and water, but isn't that the bare minimum? She is never there for me emotionally, has never said "I'm proud of you", calls me a useless piece of shit, manipulates, hits me for random reasons, and ect. And I don't think that I should completely ignore all of it just because she's my mom. And why should I take care of her when she's older when she never takes care of me now? I know I should probably be grateful that I'm alive because of her, but I really don't feel like I owe her anything. It's not like I wanted to be born or something.

When I get older I really just want to cut her out of my life and not see her again. I'm sorry if that's selfish, but I don't think I can be happy otherwise.

I’ve been struggling with functional depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder. I stopped taking most of my medications on my own for months because I started to hate them. They made me gain a lot of weight — the doctor even told me it was just an increased appetite and wouldn’t actually make me fat, but my weight went up a lot and hasn’t dropped even after stopping the meds.

Now it’s really heavy on me mentally. I don’t even want to look at the pills anymore. After stopping, I can’t control my mind from going to negative thoughts. Right now, I’m only taking the medication for my newly diagnosed bipolar disorder.

How should handle this? How do people usually cope with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder in a healthier way?

I have a friend who I call my sister. It did not start out that way. We met in social interactive chat room. I was curious about my sexuality, and this space let me explore that. She came into that room and we chatted she almost left, but I got her to stay and chat.

Now mind you I was already in a relationship with my now partner of 20 years. At the time I met my friend me and my partner had been together about 10 years. My partner is rather non adventurous when it comes to intimate exploration. I wanted explore my sexuality before I made a full commitment. mind you I only explored online not in person. All this is relevant.

At the time me and my friend only chatted online and threw video chat. It was wonderful we connected as friends. Nothing sexual, just two friends chatting. Occasionally it got raunchy, but it remained online and not in person. She did not push and neither did I.

My friend was suppose to come out to visit, but she ended up moving to where I lived. She moved out with 2 friends who ended up stealing from her and abandoning her. They left her stranded. She had by then found work and had people who helped her when her 2 friends abandoned her.

Before things went south me and my friend after she moved out to where I lived hung out and explored and got know each other in person. One thing led to another and we got sexual. She was into women, and I was exploring that aspect of my life.

It lasted a good year or two (the sexual exploration). But, there was a rift that was happening between me and my partner, and I stepped the sexual exploration with my friend.

My friend also has some mental health issues. she has had 2 thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore when she was out living in the city I lived in. Each time I took it seriously. She lived there for 9 years. Then her only parent got terminally ill and she had to move back to help her parent. Mind at that time one of my own parents had died, and financially things were not looking good.

My friend asked if I wanted to move back to where she grew up. It was less expensive and when discussing it with my partner we agreed, and moved back to the city she grew up.

The move was 2 years ago. I have since gone back to visit the city I use to live in for a friends wedding. My friend came with me because she recently had surgery and need help. I was the only one who has been helping her. Also her parent has since passed and her other parent passed years ago so she has no one. I stepped up to help her. So she came with us, and was miserable the whole time. Even though I took her to explore our old haunts while we were there.

On the last day she questioned me and grilled me about why our sexual interactions stopped. And I told her that I had lost my labedo and really had no desire for sex not just with her, but also my partner. Who I am still with. Still keeps hounding me about, three days after we have back to the city she grew up in. She is now talk about not wanting to be around anymore, how she cannot find a partner. How she has nothing to stick around for. Now that her only parent is gone she has no purpose anymore. How she cannot find any sexual release (she is hypersexual, due SA).

I am exhausted, I trying to get her to see how valuable she to as a friend and adopted sister. But it turns into arguments. I am doing my best but we are fighting. My partner say I just need to be patient with, but I don't take thoughts of wanting to end lightly. I am mentally and physically exhausted. I don't know what to do. What does one do? Any ideas? I am not afraid of being told I am in the wrong or what I have done wrong

i hate my body right now. i don't know if there's any way out besides starving myself. it's the way I was able to lose fat in the past. working out or eating healthy takes too long and too much discipline. i hate hating my body. i want to love my body. i have before. i used to be in love with it, but suddenly I get a little bit bigger on literally JUST MY WAIST AND I HAT E IT> how is that possible. how is it possible that I only grow in one spot. it's making me so upset. it's not fair. nothing else growns. my hips don't grow, my arms don't grow, my legs don't grow JUSt my waist. it's so upsetting. it's so upsetting. it's so upsetting. i just wish I could personify my torso and then hurt it. i don't want to hate any part of myself. i want to love myself as I am .

I feel like a girl tried to trick me. She was a girl in great need of affection and love who wisely approached me at a time when the sequence was crucial in my life, recently, with an issue that was suspected to be a tooth problem. The girl hugged me, kissed my cheek, caressed me, made sure I didn't leave. In short, she welcomed me maternally at a time when I needed it most. Besides, I was with my mother and father, and they definitely didn't do that. She went so far as to listen to me, understand me, and actually value my music, something my parents simply rejected.

I feel like she abused her profession to do this. What would she have been capable of with that girl? All of this left lasting scars on me later. Why did she have to approach me like that? I feel like she hurt me so much. She was on the verge of jeopardizing my job, my life, everything. Why did it have to be like that? Also, having told her I was suffering from a psychological disorder. Damn, really, that girl was the one who hurt me the most. Why did she act so recklessly like that? Any inappropriate treatment becomes dangerous for me, whether it's on my part toward others or from others toward me, given the lack of control it caused me. I feel like her attitude wasn't right.

I feel overwhelmed, overworked after that experience. Who was that girl? Why did she treat me like that? Until recently, she practically had me at her feet. I feel like this wasn't right. I even thought I was in love, for God's sake! How could that be possible? I feel cheated, and I don't doubt that she knows about these kinds of methods. Besides, she was the kind of girl who makes special moments.

For God's sake, how far was this going to go? Now I feel like I just want her to go away. I was about to throw myself into a fierce void, into hell. I didn't know where I was going, I had no idea of ​​the consequences. I was willing to go without any consequences! I never want to see that girl again in my life! The girl had me captivated. For God's sake! For God's sake, why wouldn't she answer or bother checking my WhatsApp? Besides, after acting so maternal and close, she suddenly abandoned me and made me look bad. Holy Mother of God! Where was this girl going to take me? And at a time when I was feeling bad! This is the worst thing that could have happened to me!

Dearest friends, why the hell did this have to happen to me? I felt like I was on the way to ruining my life, my sacred life. Don't people get tired of trying to ruin my life? For God's sake. She had already tried to ruin it recently. My calm, my most sacred calm, was about to be ruined, destroyed, shattered again. Where would I get trapped? In what, for God's sake? What could I possibly do under these circumstances? I already felt this girl was a danger from the start. And the worst part is that everyone there adores her. Why did someone like that have to touch me? Why? What did I do? I wanted peace of mind. There's no justification for this behavior. I've never done anything like this, have I? Could I have been a narcissist too?

I could already see that girl betraying my trust, making my life hell. I already felt cornered by her! I already felt she was shattering my expectations to the hilt! I felt she played with my feelings! That girl did this recklessly, even before surgery! She was also extremely silent and acting as if nothing had happened. What the hell would I run into if I saw her again? I already felt I had to escape from something. Why did I have to fall into this hell? This was the worst. That was the worst thing those doctors could have done to me, the worst, for God's sake. They gave me a monster present! And the worst part is that I was standing right in front of my mom, and my mom hadn't done anything.

The worst part is that it was at a time when I was completely out of my depth, for God's sake! I thought I was good, different, a bitter illusion. I was already surprised that I was the most popular! Of course! Everyone is safe from her! I already felt like I was losing control because of her. And I was already thinking about going all the way to where she worked! It makes me faint. This can't happen to me. What the hell is she still doing now, for God's sake? Plus, she's sucking up to my parents! She's acting the good guy! The woman was swarming me, for God's sake. What trap could I have fallen into? I was walking right into a trap. This can't happen to me. It can't be. This isn't fair. Why do so many people want to destroy my life? I'm tired of escaping. And in a medical service? For God's sake, I never want to enter that girl's life. I feel like I could die from this. Why did this happen to me? Attacks from all sides, for God's sake. On top of that, playing with my mental health, being deteriorated, begging for help, this is the worst thing the system could have done to me. I never thought that at my job I would be they're going to send me to a place like that, with that quality. I feel like I'm going to die of rage, of sadness. I mean, even in that service, they abused me. This can't be what happened to me. Everyone took advantage of it to tear my life apart.

And I'm justifying to this girl that I was different! She had me in a frenzy! How far was this going to go? I never want to remember this girl again. Never, ever. And pretending to be good, in love, saintly, different, that she doesn't judge. Am I really that annoying? It happened to me at my previous job, also with some girls. How far is this going to go? How far is this going to go? It can't be. It can't be that they won't leave me alone. I refuse to believe it. I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack because of this. And the worst part is that when I was in that service, no one protected me. To the point of succumbing to a hell from which no one was going to get me out because of the prejudices against me, which they truly are. I just tried to present true facts in a way that people couldn't refute without proof at hand, as it should have been, and also transparent to others. For God's sake, I was almost falling.

On the verge of losing almost everything. It can't be that this happened to me during my treatment. Even during my treatment, right when I should have been calmer. Now it was with this girl, who do I reveal this to? And then with someone else? I felt like an unprotected child again, at the mercy of madness, without parents even though they were there. I mean, it can't be that I was truly alone in those circumstances. I really don't understand. No one was protecting me from going to hell, no one, even though I needed to, even though I wasn't fit to handle myself.

And my psychiatrist yesterday told me to drop this treatment thing! Is everyone trying to make me fall? Everyone? This can't be happening to me. Seriously, this can't be happening to me.

I'm in my 30s so this is a little sad to even be typing about. Hear me out...

I grew up with a complete family. A mother, a father, brother, and sister. At first look, it seemed perfect. Maybe we were in certain ways. My parents were married and loved each other but constantly fought a lot. On good days, we'd all be laughing and just enjoying our time together but on bad days, we witnessed them fight well into the morning. I basically grew up seeing that and it was terrible.

Fast forward to today. My mom is widowed, brother and sister living halfway across the world and I am the only person living with my mom. I should be living on my own at this point but that's a different story.

So why am I even here? I grew up seeing them fight and that aggressive behavior kind of brushed up on me. Now as an adult, I find myself in situations where when my opinion differs greatly from that of my mom, we argue about it as if World War III is about to go down. An understatement by itself.

Of course, there are details that would take forever to type so I'm not going to type it here, but I guess all I want to say is that I'm tired having a mom who thinks she can fight with me every time she can't get me to see her point. I'm tired growing up to this. I'm tired of being an adult with a life like this. I love her but the fights are so terrible, it's embarrassing. It's messing with my mental health. I hate seeing her "I'm perfect, I never make mistakes" face cause that's what keeps the fights going. Nothing is ever resolved. It's all a battle of pride and who gets to fall asleep first.

There's so many things I want to say, all hard feelings from years of pent up anger just brewing up inside. But I'm too tired from the fight we just had and all I could think of is how much more peaceful it all could be if I had a mother who was slightly... tamer.

At 33, I've spent more years away from my father than I ever imagined when I first made the decision to cut ties as a 20-year-old. My departure from my father's life was something that built up over several years, starting when I left home at 17. My estrangement was largely due to how he behaved during my mother's terminal illness and after her passing. For example, his actions ranged from making inappropriate advances towards my mom's sister while my mom was still with us, to disrespectfully shouting at my mother as she battled her sickness, and even going as far as destroying cherished family photos shortly after her death. In another hurtful act, he sold my mother’s beloved easel, a piece that held emotional value for not just me but also for other relatives. When I was just 13, his disregard for my mom's belongings intensified as he started a new chapter with his second wife, displacing many of my mother's possessions in the process. These possessions were safeguarded by our extended family, and we sifted through them when I turned 20.

My father and I remained completely out of contact until he passed away nearly a year ago. During this silence, he unexpectedly transferred a substantial amount of money to my account and signed over a family vacation property to me, which he had owned with my mom before she died. This took up the majority of his estate. He left these assets to me without informing his current wife, who also had no ownership over the primary residence they shared— ironically, a house owned by one of his friends that they never actually bought.

Upon his passing, I received a letter where he expressed his intentions of leaving me these assets as a means to amend, in his own way, the mistakes he had made. Unsurprisingly, this left his widow and their children with almost nothing substantial apart from whatever was held in joint accounts with no property to claim. She attempted to challenge this legally but was unsuccessful, as everything had been legally settled before his death.

Despite not attending his funeral, I was unhinged by a call from his widow pressing that I should take responsibility for my half-siblings and maintain a familial relationship with them. She argued that my inheritance was unfair to them. I firmly responded that I had no desire for a connection and that they were not my family, as her husband ceased to be part of my life long before. She accused me of being heartless and immoral for not extending support to her and the kids. After telling her that I owed them nothing, I ended the conversation and proceeded to block her, though she tried to continue contacting me through social media to label me as selfish and cruel.

Imagine if this family drama unfolded on a reality TV show. Cameras catching every harsh word and strained interaction, broadcasting the deep-seated resentments and legal battles to a national, even global audience. Watching people navigate the complexities of family grievances under the public eye could lead to unexpected alliances and perhaps a few condemning the actions of others, potentially swaying public opinion in real-time.

If my story was in a reality show, how would viewers react?

I'm only going to speak of a specific medical issue I'm currently dealing with right now. Which probably isn't actually a good thing that I'm typing this on a digital device... But I sorta have an addiction to digital device use. Not specifically social media, but just the use the digital media.

Anyway...

According to the CA Emergency Room. It's normal for me to have ocular migraines. They said that the excruciating pain would be normal. But also, according to my Psychiatrist, I can only take Advil or Tylenol😭! Due to certain circumstances.

The symptoms I have when the ocular migraines happen are:

Complete and utter pain starting behind my left eye. It migrates to pain in my left nostril. Then the pain moves along to my upper left side jaw. The stickles down to my lower left side jaw. The it enjoys a nice right through the left side of my neck. And ends it's painful adventure through my left are down to my pink finger🤕!

Light and temperature play a factor too. If it's too bright... It hurts🔆. If the temperature is too cold... It hurts🌡️. And unfortunately for me... I run really hot... So these migraines make it difficult for me to adjust the temperature, since I haven't learned how to use my cousins thermostat thingy on the wall🫠. And all I need is the left side of my face, neck, and arm to be warm... Not my whole body😫!

At least the Nivea lotion I have is really good at drying my skin out, so I don't have to worry too much about the sweat🥵!

But that's not the point.

I went to the ER while I was in pain and unbalanced as well... And they said it's normal😒.

I went to a neurologist as well... All test came back normal😮‍💨.

I went for blood work... Guess what... Normal🥴.

So, according to many doctors opinions... Being in immense pain, and not being able to walk is... "Normal" for someone who doesn't experience this everyday😑.

Also, the cause of symptoms are based on how much I'm anxious about something, someone, or somewhere😥.

And my life right now is just all about that anxiousness🤪!!

And I wouldn't be responding to any story's/things I've written on this site for a while. Until I get better. I do like to respond to comments... So when I'm better... I'll respond to all the comments or questions later😌🙏🏻✨!!

Hi guys,

I work in IT as a tech lead. I manage a small team of four developers, and on paper it’s a good setup. Clear backlog. Stable product. Decent pay. No toxic drama. We run sprints, do code reviews, plan releases, fix bugs, and keep the usual pile of legacy stuff from falling over. A year ago I still got some kind of lift from solving problems. Not passion exactly, but momentum. Then I started using AI heavily at work. At first it felt like a power-up. Faster boilerplate. Cleaner regex. Better unit test coverage. Faster root-cause analysis. Fewer context switches. The PRs moved quicker. Standups got shorter. I looked more efficient. Management liked the output. My team liked that I could unblock them fast. But somewhere in that shift, my own drive just fell off a cliff. Now I open the laptop, look at Jira, and feel almost nothing. I can still do the job. That’s the strange part. I function. I answer Slack. I review architecture proposals. I write comments like “good direction, but watch for race conditions” or “let’s avoid tight coupling here.” I sound normal. But internally it feels flat, like the work got compressed into prompts, summaries, and generated options. “Garbage in, garbage out” still applies, sure, and I know skill still matters, but the part of me that used to enjoy the craft is quiet now. Has anyone else had that happen, where the friction goes down and somehow your motivation goes with it?

What bothers me most is that nothing is actually on fire. If my job were awful, this would be easier to explain. Instead, the metrics look fine. Velocity is fine. Incident count is fine. Stakeholders are fine. The team is fine. I’m the weird variable. I used to like breaking down a messy system and tracing the failure point through logs, service boundaries, and bad assumptions. I liked finding the one bad config that caused a cascade. I liked mentoring junior devs and seeing the light turn on when a hard concept clicked. Now AI handles the first-pass thinking so fast that my brain barely warms up. Need a draft API contract? Done. Need refactoring ideas? Done. Need test cases, SQL, migration notes, release comms, maybe even a postmortem outline? Done. I still verify everything, obviously. I know generated code can be subtly wrong, insecure, or just dumb in a confident way. I’m not outsourcing judgment. But I am outsourcing enough of the climb that I no longer feel the top of the hill. That’s the best way I can say it. The work feels pre-chewed. Efficient, yes. Satisfying, not really. Wierdly, even success feels thinner now. A clean deploy used to feel earned. Now it feels like I supervised a machine that helped me simulate effort. Maybe that sounds dramatic. Maybe it sounds lazy. Maybe it’s just adaptation lag. “The map is not the territory,” people say, and I think that fits here. The generated answer is not the same as understanding. The faster workflow is not the same as meaning; I also wonder if part of this is age, or burnout wearing a smarter mask, or just seeing too much of the pipeline too often.

The only reason I’m posting is because I don’t think this is permanent. It feels bleak sometimes, but not fatal. I’m trying to look at it like an engineering problem instead of a personality flaw. A system changed, so behavior changed. That means it can be tuned. I’ve started noticing small things that help. I keep some tasks AI-free on purpose, mostly design work and tricky debugging. I spend more time asking my team how they think, not just what they shipped. I try to treat AI like autocomplete with extra steps, not like a replacement for ownership. I’m also trying to reconnect with parts of tech that made me care in the first place: clean architecture, clear writing, mentoring, and building things that are boring in the good way, meaning reliable. One of my devs said, “maybe the fun part now is choosing what deserves human effort,” and that stuck with me 🙂. That feels more honest than pretending the old version of the job is coming back. Maybe motivation is not supposed to come from typing every line anymore. Maybe it has to come from judgment, restraint, taste, and helping other people grow. I don’t love my job right now. That part is true. But I do think I can build a version of it that I respect again, even if it looks different from what I pictured before. So I’m asking plainly: if your tools got better and your motivation got worse, how did you reset without blowing up your whole life? I’m not in crisis. I’m just trying to be honest about a shift I didn’t expect, and probly learn how to work with it instead of against it.

I hope I am filling correctly the info of my story, I am new on IIWIARS :)

I'll keep some specifics ambiguous for privacy reasons. I specialize in breeding reptiles and amphibians, and a major part of my business involves trading with zoos across the country.

A while back, a rare species came into my possession. A contact I had chatted with previously expressed interest in acquiring this creature for their personal collection. I wasn't ready to sell at first but told them they'd be the first to know if I changed my mind. Later, when I decided to sell, I reached out to them. However, due to an oversight, I missed their reply and wrongly assumed they had lost interest.

I waited, expecting to hear from them but received no further communication—or so I thought. Eventually, I made a deal with a well-known zoo, which required me to personally transport the animal. It was only after this that I discovered the missed message from my contact who had indeed wanted to purchase the animal.

Realizing my mistake, I apologized and offered them any other animal from my collection, even mentioning upcoming arrivals similar to the one they had missed out on. They seemed initially understanding, continuing our conversations about different species I was breeding. However, their frustration soon erupted, accusing me of betraying our agreement by giving away "their" animal. Despite my attempts to apologize, they demanded I never contact them again and subsequently blocked me on all my social media accounts.

I'm left questioning if my error makes me more than just careless. Was I wrong to prioritize the zoo over the individual, especially after my promise?

Imagine if this incident were part of a reality show, the dramatic moment of discovering the missed message could have been a pivotal, tension-filled scene. The cameras would capture the real-time shock and regret on my face, followed by the heated confrontation with my once-future buyer. Viewers might be intrigued by the behind-the-scenes dynamics of animal trading, but also the intense emotional fallout from a simple miscommunication.

My mom recently told me to “save myself” and get out of my relationship — essentially, to run. Ever since, I can’t stop thinking about it.

My partner and I have been together for just over 4 years. He proposed about a year ago. We’ve had highs and lows, but now I’m wondering if the bad outweighs the good.

He has long-standing mental health struggles: specifically, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Complex PTSD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. He’s been slowly learning to manage them better. And to be clear, I don’t think mental illness excuses poor behavior, but I do believe it adds context.

I also have my own issues — I have an anxious attachment style, and while I’ve never been formally diagnosed with anything else, I know I carry some of my own trauma.

My mom knows about some of the incidents we’ve gone through. Sometimes, when he’s triggered or overwhelmed, he shifts into a cold, mean, and distant version of himself. He feels like a different person — which makes sense, given the DID. I try my best to support him and stay patient, but when these episodes last for days, it really affects me. I stop feeling loved or even seen.

He also sometimes talks to new people — sometimes romantically, sometimes not. We’ve had an open relationship on and off because his personality changes have made consistent boundaries complicated. But it’s hard not to feel insecure or like I’m being replaced, even though he says he loves me deeply and always will.

When he shuts down, he leaves. He won’t respond to texts or calls for hours or whole evenings. During the worst of these, I’ve called my mom in tears. Once, I asked him about someone he was messaging, and he exploded. He called me stupid, said I wasn’t “evolved enough” for him, and that he needed someone who trusts and motivates him. That crushed me — I was only asking for reassurance.

After these moments, he usually comes back, apologizes, and says he’s working on changing. He’s loving again, and we go back to “normal.” But it’s a cycle. The dark side always returns.

My mom thinks this is manipulation. She says he’s using me — I pay for most of our life right now, since he’s in school. She believes he apologizes just enough to keep me around because I support him financially and emotionally. She hasn’t seen the best parts of him… but she also hasn’t seen the worst. And if she knew everything, I think she’d try to physically get me out of here.

So now I’m left wondering:

• Is he being emotionally manipulative and possibly abusive?

• Or is this just a deeply broken person doing his best and deserving patience?

• Is my mom being overprotective, or is she seeing something I’ve been too close to recognize?

I’m stuck between wanting to support the person I love and wondering if staying means abandoning myself. What would you do?

So I'm 15, my brother is 13. He's a major asshole. His first problem is that he never listens, I tell him something and he'd insult me but not listen even if it's genuinely good advice or I told him caring about him. I know at my age I haven't lived the world yet, but I can help him with some things. The second thing is that he always argues, he acts like all he does is not his fault. He doesn't study, not his fault. He does something stupid or harmful, not his fault. and when he gets scolded he doesn't give a fuck. Today he literally gave us all a heart attack, basically he gets out of school at 2 pm, he should've been home max at 2:20, instead while we were trying to find him everywhere on the road from school to home, contacting his classmates and friends, apparently he was bringing his friend home (who literally lives on the complete other side of the town) and he arrived home at 3 pm. Apparently his bike broke (not broke but the chain wasn't working) and he didn't bother trying to contact anyone. And now after getting a big ass scolding from my mom and literally her saying she was so fucking worried, he just kept rolling his eyes and not caring. He didn't accept on taking his phone to school just in case, so now he cannot even accompany his friends. And now this evening I'll have to hear him getting scolded and him not giving a fuck again.

I don't wanna hear any shit saying "oh but he's still growing, he's a teen." well I'm a teen too, all my friends are teens too, and none of us ever did this shit. How can someone be so selfish and such a dickhead? I always say this, he's been raised as the main character and way too cared for. I just don't get it, I wasn't this shitty at 13.

This place has helped more than I imagined. The things I have to share are so fucked up and and dark.. but I can't speak them. The words choke me.

I've been assembling a sort of plan with a therapist. As I've forced myself to face my demons I've found a startling truth.

Maybe some of you have read what are.. likely almost unbelievably fucked up things I've experienced, that I've shared. Idk.

You see, my family, we came here from a country destroyed by war. We were no strangers to violence. Depravity. So we came to Canada, years and years before me. At first we began to thrive. It is a welcoming, beautiful country. Hard, determined, friendly people. But the evil of mankind seemed to have followed us, or perhaps the war left its mark on us and we just didn't see.

It began with my mother. She was always an erratic lady, you see. High energy. Fiercely intelligent, strong, capable. A take charge woman. Naturally, she thrived at her first job here- a computer scientist. But it wasn't enough. Something changed. Somehow, no one knows, she got in touch with cartel members, all the way out here. Not really as hard as you may think. movies and shows don't do it justice. The cartel is fuckin organized. If you've not actually seen it, just know this: It's better organized than most companies.

I dont know what she did at first. By that time she was pretty quiet about it. I suspect leaking info, she worked for some big firm you see. Eventually, though, she was hooked on drugs. That was it. Over the years, she became increasingly violent. She beat the entire family, held us all in a grip of fear.

And she became obsessed with me. She began to dabble in the occult, became convinced she controlled curses, demons. Ridiculous.. but imagine yourself, a boy. Just a boy. Your whole world has been spoon fed to you from this lady. She hurts you. She isolates you.

The things she has done, not just to me, but other children- kids from other families, or whatever, who were also involved. There is no hell or pit low enough for her. I have seen men shot, burnt alive, beaten to death, for trivial monetary owing. For drugs. For sport. She became pretty big. One of the largest meth and weapons dealers in the region. But that doesn't come without risks.

For every tens of thousands she made it disappeared into her drug habit. As it got worse, she'd taken me and run off. My father was.. a broken man. The war, yknow. He left me. The other children, my siblings, ran. It was just me, her and my dog. And.. well she didn't let me keep the dog long. let's just say that..

Eventually ofc I ran away. After many attempts. After she literally tore my face open with a claw hammer. I still bear the scars, of course. She even used the claw side... fuck me. I was five, man. How the fuck did she not kill me????

No one came. Years and years went by... I've been.. idek bro. Idk what I am. I'm broken. I know I am. Every day, flashbacks. So vivid I act them out, its embarrassing. I wake up with night terrors, but they're not even just that- it's memories. All memories. I've realized that I'm not even really a person. I've spent so long fighting to hold this inside, fighting to stay alive.. been on my own since 14. No assistance whatsoever. I realize that since I was a kid, I didn't have time to be anyone. I don't.. have hobbies. I don't really have likes or dislikes, yknow, in that regard. All I have is this cringing, crippling pain inside.

I want to change that. But..it's not gonna be easy. In my therapy, they mentioned that I am a victim of thought reform. That we needed to 'deconstruct' the puzzle she's made of me, because I still have the same irrational fears(the supernatural, things like that) that control me. Doesn't matter if I know it's bullshit, it's that fear response. Hardwired.

I also realize she's managed to create an entire person inside me, that isn't me. It's her. I never paid much mind. I've been running my whole life from this. I thought this darker reflection was just my anger, my pain. And it sort of is. But it's worse.

I feel her. She often would ambush me in the dark. I'll skip details. But so.. sometimes I just swear, in a dark hallway.. yknow? Does any of this make sense, prolly not. You can't really get it unless you've lived it, ig, like with anything. I just don't know what to do. I'm just these broken pieces and now I have to just.. figure it out. Yeah, I get it, we're all doing that. But also.. I've literally never met anyone my age, and hardly even older folk, who've seen the shit I have. And, frankly, it's probably because those types of things are buried under the rest of society. When the news is yelling about the other side of the world, I guess it's easy to forget the wars and worse happening in the gutter, right here at home.

The fuck. Anyways. This was about the most put together thing I've written in a while.. Idk what my future holds. Sometimes I.. feel I should.. yk. Leave this place. My way. I'm afraid. I'm afraid to speak these evils to my therapist, I've been writing them down, bit by bit..I'm afraid that when it all comes out, it won't stop. I'm afraid of all that I've suppressed- who fucking knows, what have I been hiding even from me??? God.. but I mean.. fuck, dude. I did everything alone. That has to mean something right?

I had every opportunity to become like her. She even tried for years to make me her enforcer. She said it was her dream, isn't that just fucked? To want, WANT your CHILD to kill families, rivals? What insanity. But I refused. I took more than a few beatings for that, and.. worse. But God saw that shit, I swear. Somehow.. no matter the horror.. no matter how truly fuckin close I've been to hell, to danger, to the worst of humanity, brother I cannot give up. I want to, SO BAD. But I guess I'm made of stern stuff. Man i feel so stupid saying all of this, sometimes, you know, you say something and your brain reminds you how much sense it makes, and i find myself feeling dumb after. Then again, I ah, I'm so fucked up.. I can hardly string a thought this long and organized at all. Why is that?? Why is it now, right now, I'm not a blubbering mess like every other time? Is that what healing feels like? Idfk. I don't trust myself at this time because it's all mixed inside, yknow? It feels easier to generalize. Like, I basically skimmed over my shit. If I get into specifics, like other posts.. oh I'm fucked. Weird.. but maybe not. Okay, rant done