Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

It's kinda funny when you're the only single dude in a sea of couples. Feels like I'm the odd man out. I'm 31, and while my mates are all wrapped up in their romantic dramas, I'm left watching from the sidelines. Never had a girlfriend, never been on a proper date. People look at me like I should be in some sort of crisis, but honestly, I'm just trying to figure out how to be okay with flying solo. Like, is there a manual for this? Society loves to shove the idea of love down our throats, but it's not like I'm missing a limb or something just because I'm not in love. They say everyone's journey is different, but when you're the last single soldier, you start questioning if their "journey" line is just a polite way to say, "Bro, you're screwed."

Now let's get real. Alone isn't the end of the world, though. There's this article I read once; author's name escapes me, but they mentioned how the ability to enjoy your own company is an underrated skill. So, I’m trying to hunt down that “enjoying-my-own-company” skill myself. They say solitude builds character or some crap like that. I mean, seriously, it’s not like I’m some antisocial weirdo. I've got my stuff sorted—job, hobbies, and a half-decent social life, but I’m missing that one box everyone else has ticked. You ever sit at a dinner table alone while everyone else is paired off? Doesn't it make you wanna scream, "What the hell went wrong, and where was I when everyone else was figuring out this relationship stuff?" 😤

The comparisons are a killer, though. Scrolling through Instagram, seeing my friends' bae-this and boo-that posts, sometimes I want to throw my phone into the ocean. But then there are days when I genuinely enjoy not having to answer to anyone. Personal anecdote: came back from a long shift once, made the world's nastiest greasy burger, plopped down to binge-watch Netflix for hours. My buddies couldn’t do that without getting an earful from their partners. Freedom is just a term thrown around, but for single guys like me, it's reality. Am I missing out on romantic getaways and couple goals, or am I living my best life without any chains? There's no bias here; just facts about different lifestyles.

Still, there’s this nagging feeling sometimes. Wondering if maybe, just maybe, something's wrong with me. I know it’s dumb as hell, but I can’t shake it off. It’s like this internal battle of wanting what they have but not fully committing to it. Healthy? Debatable; Necessary? Might just be. But these feelings of doubt and solitude are part of the human experience, or so the self-help books keep saying. I’m not searching for sympathy or solutions; just venting out loud, trying to find my footing on this solo adventure. So, dear reader, if you’ve got the magic formula for being cool with solitude, I’m all ears. Or perhaps we're in the same boat, navigating through this solo life without a compass but making the most of what we’ve got.

so I have anemia, or low iron. When you have this, your fingernails turn like whitish as does the inside of your bottom eyelid.

And it also comes with splitting stomach pain.

We have iron supplements at my house, since my dad, sister, and mom are all anemic too, but I can't remember to take them daily, and even when I do, they don't help much if I can't get enough iron in my everyday diet. It's a pain in my stomach, literally,

Randomly, when I'm overexerting myself or even sometimes when I just breathe a bit too deep or too shallow, I have to double over and just stay still for a minute because it's the only thing that helps against the pain.It makes it hard to do anything. PE, Marching Band, everything.

Thing is, I don't know whether I should go to the school nurse. I'm biologically female, so I'm afraid they'll push it off as period cramps.

What should I do?

Pls read this.

It's now 2026. I'm gonna be 14 in February. I fucking hate this. The future, it's too unpredictable! Like, I can survive. I’m weird if I do my own thing. Who notices the cleaners or waitresses or maids? I’m gonna be okay because no one can hurt me, because they don’t notice me. Best thing I can also do is not go to college either, most successful people dropped out and went their own paths. I’m going my own path, just a slower one, of giving up the risky waters. No one swims in Mangalore seas, those who do are idiots, just wanting to play with their own life. Who even wants to learn about marine life, or history? Seriously, only history you learn from is this kind and how likable you are. I should care what others think, my dad’s wrong to say no to that. Who’d wanna learn about Vietnam or Thailand or India, most them are anyways mean, rude and like polluting the ground. Those who do doctorates for literal fish, to others, it’d be weird. I won’t be word nor trendy, just nothing. It’s easier than being both lanes, anyways. Most kids after realizing they can never be a cool kid from a weird kid soon chose the beige route, at least that’s still a color. You said I’m allowed to be a nobody, I can live with that forever, considering I already ate up 7 years. It’s not judgement, it’s grace on my part, just like giving up. I’m allowed to just be a no one. I can endure, people can sit with that. They don’t sing, “I’m a survivor, I’m not gonna give up” for no reason! I can manage. It ain’t even that bad. Humans are resistible. I can live with being nothing to others, be in routine. Unshakable but predictable routine. Many people live like that. You may say I’m 13, but trust me, I can be smart like that. I just need to remove my curiosity, that intrusive aspect of me to come out of my safe space and be hurt. Don’t go to college, wake up, pass school, form no friendships, eat, sleep, bathe, relieve myself, work in some small job till I finish whatever mortgage and rent I have until I’m 64, so it all over again from 18-64, assuming my work life lasts that long.

See! People are a liability! I can be me to me only! People can live long fulfilling less without these burdens. People really are hell, Sartre was right. I can be rigid, have my own fun life and be with no one, they’re worthless anyways. They all judge, so why bother looking even for one person if it doesn’t exist? You literally said, “Humans don’t need applause, but we do need some meaning. Meaning doesn’t have to come from people, but it has to come from somewhere. Fish, oceans, history, art, dolls, stories. Those are not liabilities. They are anchors.” I’ve had them all my life. I can live with them, make them my friends, since people are a waste. I may be able to survive this year, but I can thrive the rest by this routine! You said people are optional, so why bother with any kind of relationship? Most successful people don’t even have sustainable relationships with people! I can make with next year! I’m 13, I can deal with it. How am I even wrong to say people are hell? You said I’m allowed to not like people, so that means I can handle no one. They all suck anyways. If I want someone as a friend, it won’t matter because it won’t last. I just know it. It’ll be that way. I won’t be surprised by good person who stays because they don’t exist. That’s in movies only where someone is cool like that. Again, pure fiction. No matter how I act, nice or mean or quiet, I’m a nobody to them. It won’t last and it won’t matter. I hate seeing friend groups because they feel stupid. I’m a proud incel girl. I can be a fucking incel, I'm 13.5, it's a good fucking title for me.

See? People are a risk. I can live like an introvert. Work, eat, sleep 7 hours, watch some favorite stuff, draw, repeat. It’s a life many adults do anyways for a while. Look what traveling did to me, it made me sick. Only bad thing now is I’m going to a new home in a few months, which I have to convince my parents somehow I should stay here, my original home. If some real kids can convince their parents not to divorce, I can convince them to not leave and just have them you know, stay and enjoy their investment of the house, even though they spent money on it. I’m smart for saying moving is bad. The kids there will look at me weird, and even if I’m in the same school, I don’t care. New big neighborhood men’ means it’s a social death sentence for me. I’m allowed to stay at home. My original home is safe. You said I CAN not make any friends, so that means I CAN not seek out anyone unless it’s a doctor or anything, but driving, work people, friends, restaurant workers, nope. I’m not gonna drive, I’m not gonna go to college, or pursue any of my interests. Just be a cashier, it’s low stakes and nobody cares for me. Good. Good life. Then I can go home, draw, bathe, pay rent, eat dinner, and sleep. Be Yoshikage Kira, minus the murder aspect. Just have a quiet life and be the background guy forever. It’s easier. That’s my quest for stillness. I may want friends, but since life hasn’t given me any despite me changing, I just simply can’t get them, I’ll give that up and just study, just pass exams, somehow manage 9th grade in IGCSE from CBSE, somehow manage without my original tuition teacher, and just draw and watch stuff and walk in my house because it’s a villa, and even though it’s a big neighborhood, no. I don’t deserve to exist as myself, so I’ll just be the nobody’s of the world. I was nice, my classmates didn’t notice, I was mean, still. Quiet, still didn’t notice. I’d rather just leave at this point. Not life, but just being a person in society, just a person in outskirt city. I hate it when I see people smiling with friends because I know the truth, it’s not gonna last. Since nothing lasts, nothing matters. I’m 13 going to 9th in a bit, so this matters. The last thing to actually matter. Everything matters because we as humans have such short lives, despite everything being temporary. I’m 13, and in the next 10 years, I’ll live in the outskirts. I’ve already lived in the outskirts of school long enough, I’m used to it.

I don’t matter. No one liked me no matter how I acted. I just concluded I can be a wallflower forever. I’ve lived as one anyways long enough to get used to it being permanent. I’m a crazy diamond like Syd Barrett, eventually his reassignment was the reason his band succeeded. Only thing is at least they remembered Syd, who’d remember me and me where I was? My family won’t matter because when you’re an adult, you leave them behind. It’s what everyone does, no matter what dad says about “leaving if your job is also far away, but otherwise you can stay with them”. No. Just let me be still. Forever. I’ve died inside before I even got to see anything good, because it doesn’t exist. Now that we’re moving in a few months, it’s not a new leaf, it’s a new wasteland. A new bad land unless I stay behind in my home, which is 35 minutes away from the new place. Imagine the new kids there who are also disgusting monsters. They’ll only reject me because I know the truth, change is bad. Even before a child says hi to me, I need to role with an iron fist and fight them back with poisonous words, or push them if I have to. I don’t know, I’m scared of these freaks. My subconscious may want some peace, but we got to think logically about this. I’ve survived 7 years, I can survive the next of life. I’m not gonna stack now because I’m on a trip and I don’t see much kids unless they’re coming from school, which even then it disgusts me seeing them laughing together because they think it’s a good time that lasts for only 3 days.

My stupid subconscious may crave hope for one friend now that it’s a neighborhood, but I don’t like it. It’s proven wrong many times with horrid “SMALL TALK”, so I don’t believe it. I wish I had one person who would just leave me alone in this thought, and they’d agree. Too bad they’re not real. The Saya to me, the Fuminori. I wish I had a person who’d share this vision with me, and love me for thinking the same. They’d love me for hating this pathetic world, because they do too. I don’t care if it’s not healthy, if it isn’t, what’s the point of “health”? Humans are shits anyways. Why should I care if I want something better if it doesn’t exist? It’s like wanting a unicorn, it’s not real. Why search someone so fucking fake? My stupid self is that, stupid for wanting better, for believing they exist, for wanting to have another go and thinking that maybe moving a good idea. I’m tougher for saying it isn’t and being rigid. It’s immature of me to maybe look out for more, when there isn’t.

Too bad now in a few days I'm gonna go to a dumb dance class I only said yes to from mom is to please her. I don't believe I'm a good dancer, even fi the teacher said to mom I did an "advanced dance lesson" better than beginners. That's a fucking lie! I don't believe you because I don't believe myself! Those kids didn't laugh to seem respectful, they aren't being honest, they're trying to fake niceness. Just like fucking life. Where the pros treat the new guy with pity, I don't need fucking pity, I want people to berate me because that's honesty to me! And when someone hates the world and wants to burn it as much as I do, I'd be more than friends, because we share the same true vision of the "Earth". Too bad school itself is gonna start day after tomorrow, because guess what, there's the fucking rigged system! The ruler, the principal, may claim we are a united body, but we're all divided into cliques and crews, fuck her. I hope she suffers a painful death with HIV. Fuck the future, fuck the adults, and fuck anyone who isn't a Saya! Fuck!

i am 31 years old, and it seems like I've been wandering aimlessly through life without any real direction or purpose. no impressive qualifications, not a single diploma to my name, and it's like I'm stuck in some endless cycle of being judged inadequate and fired from one dead-end job after another. it's not just a single instance of bad luck either; it's a recurring nightmare, like clockwork, every few weeks. bosses look through me like I'm transparent, colleagues avoid conversation, and I find myself drifting back to the familiar disheartening embrace of unemployment. could it be that I am simply not good at anything?

it's not like I haven't attempted to excel at something. i've tried my hands at various trades, crafts, and roles, but each time, it feels like there's an invisible barrier that stops me from progressing beyond the rudimentary stages. people say practice makes perfect, yet even repeated efforts leave me stranded at mediocrity. it's downright humiliating and demoralizing to constantly fail at every endeavor. do you ever feel like life's a puzzle but you can't find any of the pieces that fit? it's like the world moves forward while i'm firmly anchored in place, unable to keep up, always a step behind the rest.

the social scene fares no better. no friends to lean on or have a beer with after another miserable day fighting the urge to give up. even my family, if you can call them that, are a bunch of self-absorbed nitwits who couldn't care less about my existence. if I dared to confide in them, they'd just wave it off as "my problems" without a shred of empathy or genuine concern. is it too much to ask for a single person who actually gives a damn about what's going on in my life? maybe even a semblance of encouragement every once in a while??? i'm aware i'm not some shining beacon of charisma, but a single friend would really make a world of difference. it's amazing how excruciatingly lonely life can get when you float around like a ghost that nobody notices.

i wonder how some people manage to glide through life so seamlessly when i'm perpetually stuck in a rut. is there some secret hack to success and fulfillment that i'm unaware of? considering the questionable state of my life, it's doubtful. i'm not naive; i know nothing worth having comes easy, but it feels like even when i exert myself, give it my all, I'm always falling short. always a few seconds too late, a dollar short, a skill under-mastered. my brain should be a vault of skills and knowledge by now, yet it seems disappointingly barren, rendering me unfit for anything beyond the bare minimum. sometimes the thought creeps in that maybe i'm just not cut out for this whole 'life' thing.

so here i am, punch-drunk with indecision and paralyzed by the fear of yet another failure. what is a purposeless man supposed to do in this chaotic world? maybe my supposed "indefinable potential" is more like imaginary bullshit i've been fed by well-meaning ignoramuses who refuse to accept some people are simply destined to drift. are dreams just illusions for the delusional, or is it possible there's a corner in this desolate maze where an opportunity might miraculously lie waiting??? i don't even know anymore. life feels like a game with no instructions, and i'm consistently losing. can anyone explain what the hell i'm supposed to do now?

I moved schools a few months ago and I love it sm and I met this guy about a month ago and he's great I really do mean that and he's liked me I think ever since we met (his friends are always making jokes when I'm around and I've been told by many people) and that's very sweet and I could see myself w him but idk if I'm ready to date, I've dated before but idk I feel like I'm awkward and would fuck things up, I really do enjoy talking to him he's really nice but idk I don't wanna ruin things and then we stop talking

i hate my body right now. i don't know if there's any way out besides starving myself. it's the way I was able to lose fat in the past. working out or eating healthy takes too long and too much discipline. i hate hating my body. i want to love my body. i have before. i used to be in love with it, but suddenly I get a little bit bigger on literally JUST MY WAIST AND I HAT E IT> how is that possible. how is it possible that I only grow in one spot. it's making me so upset. it's not fair. nothing else growns. my hips don't grow, my arms don't grow, my legs don't grow JUSt my waist. it's so upsetting. it's so upsetting. it's so upsetting. i just wish I could personify my torso and then hurt it. i don't want to hate any part of myself. i want to love myself as I am .

At 32 years old, I have a sister, Laura, who is 34 and has always dreamed of becoming a mother. Despite her longing, she never found the right partner with whom to start a family. After witnessing her struggle with loneliness and her ticking biological clock, I suggested she explore IVF to fulfill her dream of motherhood. I even helped her research clinics and understand the procedure, which she eventually decided to pursue enthusiastically.

Laura was financially stable enough to undergo IVF, but the cost meant she had to forego some luxuries and tighten her budget significantly. It took her four rounds of treatment, much to her distress, to finally conceive. Our entire family was overjoyed when she announced her pregnancy. However, the effort and resources it took were greater than she anticipated, and the expenses piled up higher than she initially expected.

While Laura manages to cover her day-to-day expenses, the financial strain of the treatments has left her in a precarious situation. Recently, she approached our family for financial assistance, given that maintaining her usual standard of living has become difficult. Our parents, now retired on a fixed income, expressed their inability to help substantially. Hence, she turned to me as her primary hope for financial support.

Just last week, Laura asked me for help financially. Having a wife and a newborn son of my own, and with plans to save up for a larger living space from our current one-bedroom condo, my financial priorities are tightly allocated. I expressed to Laura that, while I empathize with her, I am unable to support her financially.

Laura was devastated and labeled me as selfish, feeling betrayed given that it was originally my suggestion for her to go down the IVF route. Our parents also sided with her, dismayed by my refusal and reminding me of the importance of familial support. They criticized me for not standing by Laura when she was trying to achieve something I had encouraged. Despite my suggestion to offer other forms of support, such as daily dinners and the use of my economical electric car, Laura found these alternatives insufficient.

Balancing my immediate family’s needs and financial aspirations, I feel incredibly pressured and believe it is unjust to compromise our stability for personal decisions, even if they involve close family members. Still, the disagreement has led me to question whether I am being overly selfish.

Imagine if this scenario played out on a reality TV show. Cameras capturing every intense emotion and harsh words exchanged might sway public opinion heavily. Viewers might perceive me as cold and unsympathetic or see Laura’s demands as unreasonable. The dramatic unfolding of family conflict, underscored by financial pressures and moral dilemmas, could indeed make for compelling television but might skew the reality of our difficult situation.

I wonder, am I being unreasonable by prioritizing my nuclear family's financial health over my sister’s request for support?

I'm not even shocked at this point hahahah they've done that to me before years before they gonna do it again right now lol 😂

I was employed in management at a bustling resort nestled in a sought-after vacation spot. Our resort regularly hosted weddings, and as part of the planning, the event coordinator typically reserved a block of rooms for the attending guests. It was routine for a manager, like myself, to handle the check-in for the bride and groom. Before their arrival, the coordinator warned me about the bride's demanding nature.

The bride specifically requested a room on the topmost floor, nearest to the shoreline. We accommodated her as much as possible by arranging their stay in the Honeymoon Suite, which was on the third floor with a sweeping view of the ocean. However, this did not satisfy her. She became irate when I informed her that it was the highest and closest room available. At the front desk, she melted down, causing quite a scene as I tried to explain the limitations.

A coworker sensed the escalating situation and went to fetch the event coordinator as the bride lashed out vocally at both me and her fiancé. The poor man was profusely apologetic, trying his best to soothe her. She eventually accepted the room keys, but it wasn't long before she returned, this time demanding that we evacuate the neighboring rooms and those directly beneath hers. Of course, this was impossible as those rooms, priced at $640 per night, were fully occupied.

Fortunately, I was not on shift during their actual wedding night, but the stories reached me by the next day. From verbally abusing the serving staff to ejecting the band for playing a tune she disliked and engaging in a full-blown altercation with her mother-in-law, she seemed to have left a trail of upheaval behind her. Despite the grandeur of their $40,000 wedding, she managed to sour the experience for many.

The groom, aware of the challenging situation, left a box of wine for our front desk staff as a gesture of apology for his bride's behavior. Out of all the challenging brides I've encountered, she certainly took the crown for the most unforgettable.

Imagine if scenes from that day were captured in a reality show. What a spectacle that would have been! Given her dramatic outburtemps, the episode would likely feature me trying to mediate an almost constant stream of complaints and unreasonable demands, peppered with her outbursts resonating through the corridors of our resort.

Now, thinking of such an intense day being part of a reality show really makes me wonder how bizarre and unnervingly entertaining that would appear on screen. Would the viewers sympathize with our team, or would they be enthralled by the bride’s over-the-top drama? I can only imagine the chaos, and somehow, I'm thankful it was just another day at the resort and not an episode for the world to see.

i feel kinda isolated. not drastically but, in a way that makes me feel alone. I'm with my mom but, somehow that doesn't feel like it's enough.

my father left on my birthday and recently got engaged with another woman that neither my mom or myself know. my brother is two hours away from where i live and is also engaged, luckily i know her though and she's sweet. my sister has moved away with a friend and specified she will not be coming back. oh, and she'll also get engaged. my mom has a boyfriend and he has a nine year old daughter but we're not close. she never shuts up and it drains me so i subconsciously avoid her sometimes.

i dunno, i don't exactly know what to do anymore. i mean, i have a best friend but... i love them, i really do, but im starting to get awfully annoyed by them. it's just, a stage i think. not sure though but i kind of hate it a lot. i want to talk to them about this but then i worry if im making the whole thing about me and im projecting because when i usually vent i get really expressive, even in text sometimes and blow up even when i don't try to. undirected anger.

i recently had a dream whereas i had three siblings for some reason. the dynamics of tmnt which i am a fan of, kind of weird to admit but i did have that dream. it was the most enjoyable dream i ever had, even if i don't remember every detail. i only have two siblings but i remember a lot of laughing in that dream. happiness that i really crave. i was sad when i woke up. honestly, i think that reflects a lot on me lmao

i dunno, it feels like people keep leaving me, even if my mom swears she'll never leave me. why don't i believe her? genuine question, i can't bring myself to grasp it for some reason.

i live my life as an artist and a writer which says a lot, to be honest. why are we loners and why does it hurt so bad even if we enjoy it? something i've really thought about. it doesn't feel great at all.

by the way, my damn dog got taken from me by her stupid boyfriend too. keeps calling him his dog. it's my dog too, prick! actually, it's just my dog. he's an australian shepherd and yeah he's meant to herd but just because he lives with him temporarily doesn't make it his dog! does it? i don't know, i feel like im whining.

idk, point of this vent thing is cuz i really miss them, i guess. my own brain is telling me that too i guess, with the dream and all. i don't know what to do. i don't have much energy for school, either. crazy how we see our educators more than our own parents. i really wish it wasn't that way. i'm lonely, and people overlook the youngest sibling role as "spoiled and gets what they want" too much i think. more or less true too but, that's not all of it, man.

so my boyfriend and I have been there for 7 months now. I've noticed he's been talking to girls that he used to like and one of his exes. I told him to block them and not to talk to them cus I didn't feel comfortable with him talking to them. instead of listening or finding a way arnd it, he started gaslighting me, making me feel bad and feel like its my fault. He still talks to them to this day but I'm too scared to voice it out again cus I'm afraid he might get mad at me. am I being dramatic? am I overreacting?

I matched with a woman on Tinder, and we had a short-lived romance that spanned a few months. She confessed that I was her first Tinder outing following a lengthy hiatus from the dating scene. Our connection fell apart after she disclosed that she was seeing another guy on the side, which made me feel exploited.

Not long after, I started seeing another Tinder match who shared that this was also her first date in a long time following a traumatic breakup of her engagement. I was understanding about her past.

It seems that this narrative is recurrent for me. Perhaps my easy-going and well-put-together demeanor, combined with being fairly attractive and easygoing, makes me the ideal first-Tinder-date type. Normally, these dates transition smoothly from a match to meeting for drinks, but they often reveal a lack of real chemistry and we part ways. It's left me pondering if I'm merely a stepping stone, warming them up for "better" dates.

From the onset with the most recent woman, I indicated my interest in a serious relationship and tried repeatedly to understand her intentions across multiple dates. Her responses were elusive. Moreover, she jokingly mentioned exploiting my professional contacts for a job opportunity in our shared industry, which added to my concerns. Despite my tentative feelings, it ended when she phoned to break up with me, admitting she had developed emotional connections with someone else.

Having experienced several breakups, I'm usually quite resilient, but this time I was overwhelmed with emotion. I felt like I had been instrumental in helping her regain her trust in dating, only for her to transfer those newly revived emotions to another relationship.

Really, it’s like I was just there to prepare her for the next guy.

My feelings are hurt; it feels like I was used.

She thinks I’m being unrealistic.

Am I mistaken here?

If this all played out on a reality show, the cameras capturing every awkward date and emotional moment, I wonder how the audience would react. Would they see my genuine efforts and sympathize with my feeling used? Or perhaps they'd critique my inability to see the signs and cheer her on for finding a more suitable match? It's one thing to live through it privately, but having thousands watch and weigh in might be a whole other level of drama.

Ever since I can remember, I have trouble catching people’s attention when I speak and when they do hear me, they look at me weirdly like they don’t know how to reply to me. This led me not to talk for almost my whole life because it feels embarrassing, which made my voice softer and cringey to hear. I really regretted it now that I’m working in a 9 to 5 job because my work requires me to speak and my co-workers would make fun of my voice. One even said they want to fight me to see the different version of my voice and would comment they hate it every time I talk.

It made me not to open my mouth ever again. I feel like a weirdo in display. But I also need to work because I’m not a kid anymore who can hide from her mother’s skirt.

Maybe I’m overreacting but I can’t help it.

OK. So... Apparently I am going to my old neighbors New Years Eve party. We moved into a new house a year ago but our dad's are still friends so we have to hang out sometimes and we go to the same school. We've gone skiing together a couple times but I always get shy and weird around him. We haven't talked or really seen each other in months except for awkward, accidental eye contact every now and then at school. He's a grade above me so thankfully we don't see each other much but... I guess we're going to on New Year's. Not only that, my other past neighbors, one in particular that I was good friends with, are also going to be there. Well, I don't know for sure but there's a 99% chance so... The problem is that she also goes to my school, a grade above me, and I don't really know what happened but we both got awkward and stop talking and even saying hi to each other so we kind of pretend we just don't notice each other. I'm starting to wonder if she even remembers me or my name... But I really do miss her, I just feel like we've been ignoring each other for so long that it'll be weird if I say hi now. So there's another reason I'm debating faking sick to get out of this party. Now back to the other kid, let's call him, uhhh O. Sure, so O is... Well I don't even know why I find him mildly attractive.. *cough cough* BUT UHHH. It's okkk hehe.. So that probably adds to the "nervous around him" thing for sure. But, my fingers are tired so I'm just saying, I swear to God I'm going to embarrass myself and I know this is kind of the wrong website for this but IDC. Ok? IM DESPERATE. I needed somewhere to put my- feelings, and google gave me a warning. So to sum it up, I'm literally going to cry because we'll, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHDHDNNSMSJDBHDNSNSNNSNSNSN!!! Ok well, save me. I'm dieing. OMG. 😭😅💀😟 Advice?

Vent cause I Need to get this out of my head. I am really sorry for falling behind in school and tests, and being dead weight and making 10 out of 11 people in my classroom hate my guts. But the past three months have been absolute hell. I've gotten stranded in the middle of road, in winter, three times. Have been sick and grieving twice. And Just anxious and overworked in general. I won't ever tell them that cause I do know it's also my fault. Cause I can't get It together. I just can't. I've tried. A lot of everything for almost 6-ish years now, being dead-tired, overwhelmed and anxious. I don't do It on purpose and I hate being dead weight but this Is just the best i can do right now. Sometimes none of the things I try work. And I end up where i am right now, sick, dead tired and with a test tomorrow. Wish me luck. I'll probably survive. 🤧