Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

bye I'm leaving for the sake of my old friends

bye

Hello. I lost my pet pig almost a year ago and am still dealing with feelings of regret and guilt, as well as loss. He was the closest thing I could call a child and a big part of my life for three years.

He was sickly a few times before he died, with loss of appetite and energy. I took him to both a clinic and got a vet to look at him, but didn’t get a lot of answers and was just told to try to feed him. So I did, and most of the times he got better, but then got sick again.

Then he one day after getting a lot better (I thought) got REALLY sick and I panicked since I was sure he was dying. I still lived with my parents then, but they weren’t as panicked as me and said they would help me take him to a clinic in the morning. The vet on call (night shift) also said we probably could wait till the morning. It was Sunday night and I was thinking more about the money than I now wish I did. He died after a few hours of me trying to keep him warm.

I am now learning after researching what I think was his cause of death, that I could have saved him if I gave him early treatment. And pretty easily at that. That has been haunting me since he died, and I can not stop feeling like a horrible human being, and selfish person that cared more about the money than take him to a clinic again after a unhelpful experience.

I felt like I was dying the first week and literally could not sleep because I was crying so much and saw him every time I closed my eyes. I still cry when I see his photos, and more than anything feel like it’s my fault that he died, and that he would have had it better if someone else was his owner.

I’m mostly here to vent, since I don’t really feel like I have anyone to talk about this with. It’s my first time using this site, so I don’t know if this is the correct way to post. If anyone has some tips for getting over mostly the guilt, I would appreciate it. Thank you for reading.

Hi, my name is Onyx. My friend called me a pick me for venting and just trying to get people to recognize that I'm struggling both mentally and emotionally. To give some context, this friend and I have been friends for a year. I had made food for them, supported them through hard times, bought them stuff, and used my money to buy and help them out with stuff. I'm wanting to know if I'm the pick me for Venting to this friend as well as some mutual friends of ours about what's going on at home and what I've been struggling with. Am I in the wrong here?

My boyfriend of almost a year ago emotionally cheated on me with his at the time girl best friend. I never wanted to look at his phone. I had gotten out of a toxic relationship where the last one cheated but I wanted to try things differently this time with my current boyfriend. I never questioned girls or even looked over his shoulder for my own peace of mind. After awhile week of dating he broke it off with me saying he didn’t think this would work out, when I asked him more about he began to say it was his friend who had influenced him. I can’t lie in that moment I took his phone and looked right away. When I looked at his and his girl best friends text I saw they had both been talking about personal things of me and just talking bad in general. He then proceeded to end things on and off because of this girl. He’s blocked her and now it’s just been us, however his roommates are super close friends with this girl and now it seems like I can’t stop looking through his phone for more details on what he’s lying about. I feel like I hate him sometimes. It seems like he’s trying his hardest but I feel like I can’t ever trust him again. I keep trying. We aren’t always bad but when I think about what he’s said, done, or knows it kills me. He won’t let me break up with him because he thinks we can work it out. I feel like I’m being dramatic but he also knows what he was trying to do. Along with that he’s aware I got cheated on. Obviously there’s a lot more details but this is the short version. I’m not sure what to do, I want us to work things out but I don’t even know the first step . We’ve tried talking but it doesn’t ever go good. What more can I do?

I only seen to attract the wrong type of friends. They’re always manipulative or toxic or self centered and such. One of my friends called me names as a joke, another one ghosted me, another one uses me to get stuff from teachers, another one made fun of me when I called my mom because I was fainting in class, another one called me a snitch for telling her about my mother’s affair that has been heavy on me, another one gossiped about me behind my back, one is flirting with my crush, another one laughed off my mental health. I don’t know if I should have friends anymore. All my friends are like that and I don’t have family members who I can confide in and now I just feel lonely and pathetic. What should I do?

my best friend and I naturally drifted when we went to different universities. I love her sm, and we once thought we liked each other? dated for maybe a week before realising our feelings were platonic. she got a boyfriend now, and I'm happy for her but it also stings to no longer be her closest person, like she is to me.

also makes me feel so jealous. I'm so ugly and no one has ever shown romantic interest in me. I want a partner so bad, but it feels like nobody wants me. and I understand that without working on myself, a partner won't heal me, but it wouldn't kill for someone to make me feel loved :(

my group of friends has me, my bestie, one couple and another person who's across the country still studying. without telling us, my bestie, her bf and the couple planned a double date in London (I don't study in London, they do).

when I heard, a few weeks ago, I was kinda confused and wondered if I could join. my bestie said 'ofc!!' so I thought nothing of it. then she only asks me day of (yesterday), early in the morning when she knows I'm never awake if I wanted to join. she said she wasn't sure if I was back in London, but I told her on Sunday that I was. I didn't see her message til 12, by that point it's too late, so I declined.

I guess I also didn't want to intrude. they made plans without me, but I really wasn't sure if it was because of the double date aspect, or if she really forgot I would be in London. and I responded in a way that wouldn't make her feel bad.

I put our conversation below to show.

I guess I left it at that, I tried not to think about it so it wouldn't bother me. then today, I saw their tiktoks and posts together and I just started bawling. I feel so unloved, like I'm so insecure. I know it wasn't on purpose but I've never felt left out with my group, and now I do. like I know it was a double date but like, we r a group?? why would it have been so bad to invite me?

it's already been a shitty day, with me remembering how terrible my childhood was. I was constantly bullied for my weight, and my looks, and even when I became anorexic and became underweight, nobody seemed to be attracted to me. I think a lot of this is just stemming from my own insecurities but I've been feeling this way for a long time that I've sjust been stuck in it.

I don't hold it against them, I'm just so deep in self hatred since childhood that I'm taking this so personally and idk what to do. :((( it just feels like this safe group of people, the ones that never made me feel insecure, is slowly breaking due to distance and other relationships. and it hurts, it hurts to see everyone around you find someone, and yet nobody has ever expressed attraction to you. it hurts so bad. I really just hate myself so much.

sorry it's so long.

I can't keep up with this never-ending cycle of pandemonium at work. At 37, you'd think I'd have some semblance of balance between my professional life and personal sanity, but nope, not even close. It's like being caught in a whirlwind of task assignments constantly flying at me — deadlines, meetings, KPIs... you name it. It's like trying to juggle flaming swords while riding a unicycle; one misstep and everything burns. My brain is fried to the point where caffeine doesn't even make a dent anymore; feels like I might as well be IV-dripping espresso straight into my veins. ☕️

I've tried talking to my boss about this chaos, but their response is always the same spiel about how "we need to show hustle" and "it's just the nature of the beast in this industry." Give me a break. 🙄 Is it really necessary for every report to be ASAP? And why do we even need 47 meetings a week when half of them could be emails? It feels like I'm on this soul-sucking treadmill, and not in the hip, let's-get-fit kind of way. More like the absolutely pointless, "why-am-I-even-here" sense. I've worked in marketing for a long time now, long enough to know that while some stress is inevitable, this — this is beyond ridiculous. You ever experience those moments where you wonder just how far you can stretch yourself before you snap? I'm there, tiptoeing on the edge.

Last week, I almost lost it during a client pitch. The VP kept interrupting with her "constructive criticism," because apparently, needing to interject every five seconds with irrelevant noise is the highlight of her day. 😤 It’s like: "No, Karen, I'm sorry that you think adding a flashing neon sign with glitter would grab the consumer's attention more effectively, but we're not in Las Vegas, and things called 'design principles' exist." It's the never-ending condescension and micromanagement that make me question why I’m still here. I almost told her where she could shove her feedback, but instead, just swallowed my pride; because, of course, professionalism, yada yada. But what's the point of professionalism if it feels more like perpetuating a mask to hide the mounting fatigue? Sometimes I wonder if they see us as humans or just cogs in their money-making machine?

I debated making a change, like jumping ship entirely for something less demanding. But then, what if the next gig is just another version of this absurd rat race with a new set of faces? 🌪️ The imposter syndrome kicks in, and I'm left second-guessing every decision — is it me, or is this the norm now? Life wasn't supposed to be this monotonous grind. How can I break free from this overwhelming chaos and reclaim a life that doesn't require a mental triage every single day? If there's a silver lining, I haven't found it yet; and hey, if you've got any tips, I'm all ears. But if not, and you're in the same boat, know that you're not alone — we're screwed together in this never-ending abyss of work life. Offering virtual hugs to anyone feeling the same. 🤗

i don’t think i’ve ever truly enjoyed working. sure, i’ve had jobs that were tolerable, coworkers i liked, even the occasional project that gave me a sense of pride. but if i’m being honest, that’s rare. most days, i wake up and feel this dull, heavy feeling in my chest knowing i have to go to work. and it’s not like i’m lazy — i show up, i do what i’m supposed to, i meet deadlines, i get along with people. but deep down, there’s this constant voice whispering, “this isn’t it.” and i know i’m not the only one who feels this way. it’s like we’re all pretending that this is normal — spending 40+ hours a week doing stuff we don’t care about, answering emails no one wants to write, attending meetings that could’ve been a message. 🫠

sometimes i wonder if we just accepted the wrong premise altogether. like, why do we build our lives around work? shouldn't work support our lives instead? i once heard someone say, “we weren’t born just to pay bills and die,” and yeah, it sounds cliché, but it hits. i look around at friends, neighbors, even random people online — everyone’s exhausted. mental health’s in the gutter, burnout is the new baseline, and people still keep grinding like there’s some magical reward at the end of the tunnel. but what is it, really? a promotion? a bigger house? maybe a retirement plan if we’re lucky? the truth is, most of us are stuck in jobs that drain us, just to afford things that numb us enough to keep going. i’m not saying we all quit and live off the grid (although it sounds tempting on bad days 😅), but maybe it’s time we ask ourselves: is this how it’s supposed to be?

i try to stay grateful — i have a job, i have an income, and i know others have it worse. but still, it’s exhausting pretending that everything's fine when it’s not. people say “find something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life,” but that’s a joke, right? even stuff i’m passionate about turns into a chore once it’s tied to a paycheck. monetizing hobbies just sucks the joy out of them. and yeah, maybe this is just a rant, but it feels like we need to stop romanticizing hustle culture and start talking about how unsustainable this whole system is. how are we supposed to live meaningful lives when our best energy is spent on things that barely fulfill us? i don’t have the answers, but maybe asking the right questions is where it starts. so, do you really love what you do — or are you just surviving like the rest of us?

TW: sexual assault

Hi um so I'm posting here because I really don't have anywhere else to talk but I've been having a lot of trouble recently. I've been remembering a lot of the bad things that happened to me when I was a kid and it's a lot and idk what to do because I can't stop remembering it. From the ages of 9-11 my best friend who was the same age and gender as me kind of like molested me? I don't know if it counts because we're both girls and the same age but she would do a lot of things to me. I don't wanna get into a lot of details but it happened at least once a week and it did involve penetration with her fingers. I remember it happening a lot and she'd "experiment" on me, and one time our parents walked in. They were really mad and her parents stopped talking to us for a week but she convinced them it wasn't that bad and we were just "playing doctor" but she never stopped after that and I'd tell her I didn't like it but she would tell me I'm pathetic and if I didn't do this I wouldn't be her best friend, so I did. It went on until she moved to a different state and I honestly forgot about it until like a few months ago and I've been recalling everything she'd done to me and idk what to do because I feel disgusting and I can't stop thinking about it and I know it wasn't a super big deal bcs yk we were both kids but I still can't get it out of my head and it's like scaring me and idk what to do and idk if it even counts because we were both kids and we were both girls but I think I've been spiraling downhill recently and I realize how a lot of the stuff I do like being awkward in convos or having trouble with physical touch is partially due to this and I just hate myself for it because I can't get over it and I can't even hug my own friends without getting weirded out and I'm sorry for ranting I'm just really in a bad place rn with this and I can't stop thinking about it eve though it happened years ago

I never thought I’d end up here, but here I am, dreading every single morning when my alarm goes off. I hate my job. There, I said it. I’ve tried to convince myself that it’s just a phase, that everyone feels like this sometimes, but it’s been almost a year, and nothing’s changed. If anything, it’s gotten worse.

The work itself isn’t even that bad. I mean, it’s not what I’m passionate about, but it’s tolerable. The real problem is the people. My boss is one of those micro-managers who has to be involved in every tiny detail. No matter what I do, it’s never good enough. I’ll spend hours on a project, only for them to nitpick and make me redo the whole thing for no real reason. It’s exhausting and makes me feel like all my effort is pointless.

Then there’s the office culture—or lack of it. Nobody talks to each other unless it’s about work. Lunch breaks feel like detention, with everyone silently eating at their desks or scrolling through their phones. I tried to make friends when I first started, but everyone already seemed to have their little cliques. After a while, I just gave up.

What really gets to me, though, is the constant pressure. It’s like they expect us to give 110% all the time, but they don’t give anything back. Overtime is practically mandatory, but don’t expect a “thank you” or even acknowledgment for staying late. And forget about a raise or promotion—that’s a pipe dream. It’s hard not to feel bitter when you’re working so hard and getting nothing in return.

I keep telling myself I should just quit, but it’s not that simple. I’ve got bills to pay, and the job market isn’t exactly booming right now. Plus, there’s this tiny voice in the back of my head that keeps asking, “What if the next job is just as bad—or worse?” It’s like I’m stuck in this cycle where I hate my job, but I’m too scared to leave.

Even at home, I can’t seem to escape it. I’m constantly checking emails or stressing about the next deadline. It’s like my job has taken over my entire life, and I don’t know how to take it back. My family keeps telling me to just hang in there, but they don’t understand how draining it is. By the end of the day, I’m too tired to even think about applying for other jobs, let alone pursuing something I actually enjoy.

Sometimes, I wonder if it’s me. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this kind of work. Or maybe I’m being ungrateful because at least I have a job. But then I think about how miserable I am, and I can’t help but feel like there has to be more to life than this. Doesn’t there?

If anyone else feels this way, I’d love to know how you’re coping—or if you’ve managed to get out, how did you do it? Right now, I just feel stuck, and honestly, it’s hard to see a way forward. All I know is, I can’t keep living like this. Something’s gotta give.

I feel like I have nothing to do with these new people who come into my life. I don't feel like I have anything to do; to me, they're complete strangers, people who disrupt my routine, and therefore, I don't want them around. It bothers me that they've shown up with their friendship, but at the same time, I'm grateful for it. I feel like I'd like to be with them, but I can't bring myself to leave my routine under any circumstances. I admit it, I'm terribly afraid of messing up their lives, of changing them, of making them feel bad.

I don't feel like it's right to just enter someone else's life. I can't. I feel like I'll make a mess of things. The same thing happened with my parents; I came into their lives and made a mess of them. Of course, they called me and were feeling unwell, and that's the paradox, because they could have made a mechanical return to me, giving me up for adoption or something like that. I feel that, in and of itself, that said, I'm not at all responsible for my parents' inability to respond to my needs from their routine. Initially, I wasn't suited to it, and upbringing is never temporary.

The relationship with my parents did end in disaster, of course. It went from a small issue to a bigger one, and indeed, between parents and children, the question of waiting until they were little would indeed be a person out of touch with the development of humanity. I feel, I confess, that I'm ready to enter another person's life, for them to enter it. That is, I feel capable of achieving a perfect, at least approximate, contribution to my routine and theirs. I can't say I won't disappoint them, however, what I will say is that I will choose not to make that my relationship the way it was for my parents.

I confess, if I say it, I'd like to have a boyfriend. Why not say it? With one of the doctors who treated me, being friends with another of them, and being a friend to others. Why deny it? That's what I feel. I know the harsh reality is that it's impossible, that such feelings will only lead to disappointment. However, I feel that this time it is possible, despite my over-excited and uncontrollable actions, undoubtedly the product of my feelings for them. However, it's so good because I'm gradually seeking that support, and it's something, without fear of misunderstanding, that they have witnessed.

I'm frank; I haven't lied to them about not being able to control myself. It's true, for the love of God. I feel I couldn't do it, I couldn't under any circumstances, and I've experienced various feelings with them. I feel very sorry for the doctors for having upset them, for having made them see strange things that a psychiatrist could see, but let's be clear: These doctors, who are dentists, are not trained in this field. It's surprising that I behaved heroically in this regard because, let's be clear, they were absolutely free to respond with some kind of retaliation, since something beyond what was being asked of them was asking. It was beautiful that all of them, in the end, were with me, didn't abandon me. I can't help, and I say this from the heart, not considering them my friends, people who love me, people who go beyond what is professional, and I suppose it's because the case required it, which speaks, without fear of being wrong, to the fact that their profession is about them and not about fulfilling their job. It must be said, I feel loved, cherished, and, despite my behavior, where I showed rebellion toward my family, they still remained there. I can't say anything other than that I feel I'm serving them, whatever it may be, without even needing to set limits, because I'm in the presence of good people.

I have to say, these doctors deserve everything, and despite that, they don't want gifts, which even surprises me. It's obvious they don't seek rewards for their work, but I believe it's the right thing to do. How can someone have the heart to love me after I'd been rebellious toward my parents? Why didn't they want to go further? Why did they remain impartial? What a beautiful heart is that? I highly doubt a university would teach that, ever. The answer is that I did have a splendid team. I criticized them a lot because, in fact, the field of mental health wasn't approached with precision, as I think it should have been. However, I feel that this makes their efforts completely welcome to me. They excelled in something that not many people can. In fact, they fought for my health, for me to be well, and that's great.

Why did I have to have such good people in my life? Honestly, I don't think I deserve them, but that's how it was. I feel like I love them, from the bottom of my heart. I love them, I love them, and I feel like they never acted against me In fact, they resisted their own feelings, causing them to go elsewhere. I love them, I can't say otherwise. I wish my parents could have made this effort, I wish my family had been able to do it before, I wish my friends had done what these people did. I insist, these doctors touched my heart; they were more humane than I thought, and because of methodology, I dared to call them inhuman, but I confess I never saw what they did, which is what counts in the long run. Freud said that a few kind words are no medicine, and this has been my thing.

I don't know how to express my joy. It's immense. I never thought this was inside me. I knew I had to dig and dig and dig through my feelings, and I never thought I'd find such a beautiful feeling. In fact, one of them wrote me that they wished me well, another welcomed me with open arms, and the other still recommended appropriate medical procedures. In other words, even though I behaved harshly during treatment, they were still there, they're still there. I feel like I wasn't just another patient, a consumer product, and that's it, but that there was something more. Something very deep that came from within. How can I stop remembering such affection? And my family wanted me to forget it, absolutely not. They, less than anyone, deserve to be forgotten, under any circumstances, but to be remembered with great affection. In fact, I felt like there was a family with me, a family that cared for me and is still there. I love this family, even though they don't see it that way.

I can't believe it. I feel like I've had the opportunity of a lifetime: to have a family, and I may be the only member of my biological family who has had this opportunity. Of course! I'm not going to waste it!

I recently encountered a situation that left me questioning whether people were being unnecessarily rude or just a tad too candid. As a 27-year-old mother of quadruplets, who just turned 2, I decided it was time they learned how to swim. This past week, my husband, two of his buddies, and I accompanied the kids to their first swimming lessons. Due to their young age, each child required the presence of an adult during the class, and since all four were scheduled at the same time, I needed all the help I could get from our little supportive team.

During the lessons, it seemed like every other child was accompanied by their moms or female guardians, all of whom were dressed in shorts and t-shirts for their swim attire. My husband and his friends wore regular swim trunks and no shirts. I opted for a two-piece swimsuit. It was nothing overly revealing; however, my midriff and back were visible. I didn’t initially notice or mind what everyone else was wearing until about halfway through the week, and everything seemed perfectly ordinary until the courses concluded on Friday.

As we were all changing and preparing to leave, a few mothers approached me. They chose that moment to express their discomfort with my choice of swimwear throughout the week. They calmly informed me that while they did not want to create an awkward atmosphere during the sessions, they found my two-piece swimsuit inappropriate due to my exposed stretch marks, which I have quite prominently from carrying quadruplets. They even suggested that I should cover up more if I plan to continue attending classes with my children. I questioned them about their thoughts on the men’s attire, and they dismissed it, indicating that the issue was specifically with my "baby belly."

Now that I'm back home, I’ve been torn over their comments. Were they crossing a line, or was I thoughtless about the expectations of others at such a gathering? My husband reassured me that I had nothing to worry about, but it seems like the other mothers felt quite differently. Am I in the wrong here?

I can’t help but wonder how this scenario would play out if it were part of a reality TV show. Would the audience side with me, seeing the others as overly critical, or would they agree that a more conservative outfit is appropriate for a mother in a public setting like a children’s swimming class?

Do you think my swimwear choice at kid's swim lessons was inappropriate?

Okk so the second half of the school year and damnn I have a LOT of free classes I can both come later to school and leave early and yk what I’m happy but here’s the thing WHAT DO I DOOOO??? My parents r so draining to be around and even as I was in school today I wouldn’t mind staying longer if it means I don’t have to be with them, but what am I going do tho?? Some days I’m having a special class in the morning so don’t have to worry about them but after school and the other days?? ‘Get a job’ I PHYSICALLY CANT ‘Volunteer’ good suggestions but something feels off I don’t have any friends so can’t chill at their house or hang out with them. Theres a library near but I can’t be there every single day till June??? I mean I could.. i have a lot of personal work to be done, ok good suggestions but what else?? And I lwk want smt far bc the only negative thing about my school is its way too close want to chill in the supermarkets near it? What if I see one of my parents?? Just chill near the park/grass area(well I wouldn’t do that people from my school there and way to awkward) and parents too. Take the public transport? PARENTS COULD ALSO BE ON THERE Theres a fast food place near the school but as u imagine near a school it’s gonna be always crowded so uber eats might be seeing a lot of me this year! Also connects to this - this Friday the 2 classes I have both teachers just said we will go see a show and like yh so basically a free day I don’t even have to go school WTH? I couldn’t have gotten this amazing blessing with nice and chill parents?? But lwk not wanting to see this show , it’s so crowded and just not a good space for my head , hopefully I can get out after I get registered. Maybe do a good delivery hmm anyway yh fine if u don’t have any suggestions thanks for reading too!

My parents keep discouraging me and telling me I have no future if I keep drawing, along with giving me threats that they would just let me die and disown me. Then they proceed to ask why I never tell them fucking anything like isn't it obvious? I wanna just kill myself at this point. What's even the point in life when im gonna die in the end anyways.

I'm 41, living in San Francisco, and working in IT—a field I used to love, or at least respect. But lately, it feels like I’m just drifting through loops of Jira tickets and endless Zoom calls, chasing deadlines that don’t mean anything. The money’s fine, the perks are shiny, and yet every morning I wake up with this dull ache in my chest, wondering, Is this really it? 😶 You ever look at your screen and feel like you’re coding your soul into oblivion? I’ve spent nearly two decades optimizing systems and building apps, but for what? At some point, I stopped building anything that felt like it mattered. I find myself googling “farm jobs in Portugal” or “how to start a tiny house Airbnb in the woods.” A part of me wants out, desperately, and not in a dramatic way—just a quiet pivot into something real. Something grounded.

I had a conversation last week with a friend who left his engineering job to become a school counselor. He told me, “I make half as much, but I sleep better and laugh more.” That stuck with me. What’s the point of security if you’re never mentally present to enjoy it? I keep picturing a life with fewer pings and more peace. I want to do work that aligns with my values, where I’m not just another node in a corporate network. Maybe I’ll teach, maybe I’ll run a coffee truck in a mountain town; I don’t know yet, and that uncertainty is actually kind of exciting. Even my therapist said, “Sometimes burnout is just your soul begging you to pay attention.” And I am. I’m listening—finally. I’ve started saving more aggressively, decluttering my place, and having the tough conversations with myself. Do I stay and numb myself with stability, or leap and try to rediscover meaning?

If you’re still reading this, maybe you’ve felt it too—that pull toward something different. Something simpler, more aligned. I’m not naive; I know leaving a career at this stage isn’t easy. But maybe what’s harder is staying in a space that quietly chips away at your spirit. I don’t hate tech, but I do resent what it turned me into—a guy who checks his Slack messages on vacation and calls it “being responsible.” 🤦‍♂️ There’s a whole world out there, and I’m finally curious enough to step into it. One of my favorite quotes lately is from Joseph Campbell: “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” So I guess the question is—what are you afraid to leave behind; and is it truly serving you, or just keeping you comfortably stuck?