Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I am married to the most amazing human being I have ever met in my entire life. We've never clashed very much since meeting each other, but now that he's lost his job, it's constant feelings of tired, burnt-out, overwhelmed, anxious, and depression. I know he's trying really hard to find a new job, but it's been months now. I can't keep working overtime and still not having enough money to cover all of our bills. It's giving me PTSD from an ex-boyfriend who I was in a similar situation with. He doesn't do much aside from cooking dinner every once in a while.... Our house is a mess, our fur babies are sometimes forgotten about... All he talks about is getting and selling weed...I'm just tired and I don't know what to do....

I just turned 13 and my family and I thought it would be good to host a birthday party for me they invited all my family to come over even friends I went to my room but then my uncle came in. I told him to leave multiple times because I was changing BUT HE WOULDNT WANT TO LEAVE I HATE HOW NO ONE NOTICED HE WAS IN THERE EVEN THOUGH I RAISED MY VOICE he trapped me in my room and he...🍇 me I hate it so much I hate how I let this happen to me I feel fucking disgusting I feel weak I feel horrible after that happen I didn't want to get out of my room I just wanted to hide under the bed like a scary bitch I am...after the birthday party i kept quiet for a couple days i told my dad BUT FCKING GUESS WHAT he didnt listen he just told me i need to be a man AND THAT I WAS LUCKY IT HAPPEND HOW COULD U SAY THAT TO UR SON WHAT THE FUCK I HATE EVERYONE I HATE MY FAMILY I HATE HIM I WANT TO KILL MYSELF NO ONE LISTENS ME

hey there, folks! so, the weirdest thing happened the other day, and it got me thinking about this peculiar phenomenon that's been a part of my life for as long as i can remember. you know when you're about to do something really nerve-wracking, like giving a speech or going on a first date, and suddenly, you feel that unpleasant urge to visit the restroom? well, that's exactly what happened to me, and i gotta say, it's both embarrassing and fascinating at the same time. have you ever experienced that? apparently, it's a pretty common thing and science has an answer for it, believe it or not; our bodies are just wired to respond that way. now, i'm not trying to bore you with a biology lesson here, but here's the gist of it: when we get nervous, our fight-or-flight response kicks in, and that triggers a whole bunch of reactions in our body, including the need to 'go'. it's like our bodies are preparing to run away from danger, and, well, we all know that running with a full bladder (or worse) is definitely not ideal. speaking from personal experience, it really does make an already anxious situation even more awkward. like, for instance, when i had this important job interview recently, i mean, i was sweating bullets and all, but then... the dreaded bathroom feeling hit me, and i was just like, 'not now, please!' i honestly don't know why it can't just wait, you know? wouldn't it be great if our bodies could just chill until a more appropriate time? honestly, i can't be the only one finding this both intriguing and downright inconvenient. so i remembered reading somewhere, might've been on a health blog or something, that this all relates to the sympathetic nervous system and the adrenaline rush that sends our bodies into overdrive. it's kind of cool how our bodies are so efficient in one sense, but, at the same time, it’s like, 'come on, what gives?' anyway, i've learned some tricks to calm my nerves a bit, like deep breathing and visualizing more relaxed situations, but let's be real, it's an ongoing struggle. you ever tried to focus on your breathing? i swear, sometimes it works, other times not so much. but hey, life is full of these quirky experiences, right? it's all about making the most of it and maybe even sharing a laugh or two at our own expense. so, have you ever found yourself in the same boat, or am i just being overly dramatic? ain't it funny how our bodies have a mind of their own sometimes? i'm sure there's probably a name for this whole ordeal, some fancy scientific term, but whether i remember it or not doesn't change a thing. guess we all just have to roll with it and hope that next time, our nerves will be a bit kinder to our digestive system. but all jokes aside, isn't it fascinating how human bodies are such complex machines? keep smiling, folks!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about self respect. I never used to think much about it—I guess I always assumed it was just about having confidence or standing up for yourself. But now, after what happened last week, I’m starting to realize it’s so much more than that.

It started at work. I’ve been at my job for three years now, and I’ve always been the “go-to” person whenever someone needs help. Whether it’s staying late to finish a project, covering for someone who’s out sick, or just being the one to solve last-minute emergencies, I’ve always said yes. I thought it was the right thing to do—showing I’m a team player, someone dependable. But honestly? It’s starting to feel like people take advantage of that.

Last Friday was the breaking point. I had plans to finally take a half day, something I hadn’t done in months. My best friend was visiting, and I was so excited to leave early and actually spend some time with her. But right before I was about to leave, my manager called me into her office. She asked me to stay late—again. There was a “crucial” report that needed finishing, and no one else could do it.

I should have said no. I should have told her I had plans and that I’d already done more than my fair share this week. But instead, I froze. I could feel the words forming in my head, but they wouldn’t come out. All I managed was a weak, “Okay, I guess I can.”

So there I was, sitting at my desk until 8 p.m., missing dinner with my friend, and feeling this sinking pit in my stomach. As I worked, all I could think was, Did I deserve this? Am I really just someone who always puts themselves last?

That night, when I got home, my friend could tell I was upset. I told her what happened, and she said something that stuck with me. “You know, it’s okay to say no. You’re allowed to respect your own time and your own needs. If you don’t, no one else will.”

She was right. I realized I had been saying yes to everyone else for so long that I’d forgotten how to say yes to myself. I’d let people pile work on me, let them assume I’d always be available, because I thought that was what being “nice” or “reliable” meant. But somewhere along the way, I lost my self respect.

It hit me hard because, deep down, I know I deserve better. I deserve to have boundaries, to value my own time and energy just as much as I value other people’s. But knowing that and actually acting on it are two different things. It’s scary to stand up for yourself, especially when you’re so used to putting everyone else first. What if they get mad? What if they think I’m selfish?

This week, I decided to try something different. When another coworker asked me to take on their workload because they were “too busy,” I took a deep breath and said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t this time. I have my own deadlines to meet.” My heart was pounding as I said it, but you know what? They didn’t get mad. They just nodded and figured it out themselves. It was such a small moment, but it felt huge to me. For once, I chose to respect my own limits instead of pushing them aside for someone else.

I’m not saying I’ve got it all figured out. There are still moments where I catch myself falling back into old habits, saying yes when I really want to say no. But I’m learning that self respect isn’t about being perfect or getting it right all the time. It’s about recognizing your own worth and reminding yourself that you deserve kindness and consideration too—even from yourself.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re stuck in this cycle of putting others first at the expense of your own well-being, I get it. It’s hard to break out of that mindset, especially when you’ve been in it for so long. But trust me, it’s worth it. The more you respect yourself, the more others will respect you too.

I’m not sure where this journey will take me, but I know one thing for sure: I don’t want to feel like I did last Friday ever again. It’s time to start saying yes to myself. Because at the end of the day, self respect isn’t something anyone can give you—it’s something you have to choose for yourself.

I don't feel good about what I've achieved. At the cost of scandals and failure, I've made friends, my father succumbed to giving me money, to having everyone under my thumb, and it's very unpleasant. I don't like being on top of the world. How can people find that funny? I don't find it funny at all.

They always make up any excuse to accept the fact. I mean, they do everything, they knock down expectations for whatever reason, and as a result, they fall flat. However, if it's someone who respects them, then no. They kick the guy, they do everything to him, they demean him. I was in this guy's shoes. Why? The world seems upside down.

I don't like the way things are. I went crazy with a girl, and now she's accepted me on Instagram. I was rude to a girl, and she reacted unconditionally. These are just some examples. I called my father shit, and now he's opened up. All of them in an effort to do things right, to avoid disappointing me.

Why should I make a fuss to gain respect? I don't think this is in any way a measure of self-respect; I don't like it this way. I feel like everything should have been carried out calmly, but I'm already worried that things aren't going to happen this way. On both sides, it's detrimental to my health, except that if I make a fuss, I get social approval. In other words, what I'm doing to myself becomes more unconscious.

I don't feel right. Frankly, I wasn't taught to put this into words. I was always taught to boast about it. I feel like I'm on a kind of throne from which I want to step down. I don't know how some people can tolerate being at such heights. Why do we fight to be there? It doesn't feel good at all. I feel like I'm a kind of tyrant, and justified, too. I don't know; it's a feeling that I'm being led to my own death.

When they were bad, at least they gave me the chance to escape from what was affecting my health. In this case, when they are good, the chance is smaller; I feel restrained, forced to comply, and to continue harming myself. I feel I was better off in the first case, where I saw how people, under their freedom, appreciated my respect. In this moment, when they are no longer under the same deception, I only see a downright lie, an even more selfish desire to please me. In the previous case, this is not the case.

How ironic the way things are. I, who deep down so much wanted to be one of those who had others at their feet, a whole world supporting me, find that no, that in the end, such a world is nothing more than a lie. And now that I think about it, I think it's crazy to think that there will be many who are good to you and few who aren't. I think this is a bad sign, but the opposite is true, when we act in the name of respect, justice, and also peace, which I believe not everyone knows how to navigate in such a terrain.

In short, if everyone likes us, then they're not seeing us because, in principle, not everyone has the time to see us in detail. It seems like those exceptions are miraculous because if they see us, even if it's in a detached way, in contrast to the others, it just allows them to visualize things. When a few people like us, then they do look at us, but at least they do so in profound detail, while the majority, it seems to me, usually don't see us and therefore act with a certain indifference. However, all of this is within limits; that is, I'm speaking of a good case, a case with details, of a majority that isn't violent and of a few who are so little fanatic; it can't be the other way around either. I feel that when we reach extremes, there's only so much trouble in our lives, regardless of the modus operandi of the majority and the minority.

I don't feel it's right—I'm thinking of some kids who remain distant when I greet them, and when I say goodbye, too, and I don't like that; I feel like I'm adapting to something I don't like. I feel like I'm abandoning that kid who felt others treated me unfairly. However, it seems to me to be the right thing to do because I rightly saw others' treatment as unfair when in fact it was the opposite. What else are people going to do? How many have had the opportunity to appreciate what respect is? I prefer to wander through life and find someone who, in fact, sowed such a question and reaped the same rewards. I think I should give myself the opportunity to find tremendous treasures and also give hope that it can be done to those who have been in my shoes.

I don't know why I feel like I'm thinking in a haphazard way. I can't really organize my thoughts. It just happens that I feel like there can't be a precise rule or something like that. Maybe I'm looking for ways, references, to get to know people. I feel a bit confused. I was never taught to understand how to understand Including people in my life. It was all about working with what I'd already done, with what was already there, but never forging new relationships. My parents didn't have the capacity; they scared them away. In fact, they managed to scare me away. I think my parents succeeded, or the best they could do, was to distance themselves from me, as was the case with my family in general, because I felt they wouldn't appreciate me. I don't know, I don't feel healthy, or entirely sane with these words, but well, speaking at length is a start.

I insist, everything feels confusing. I feel like maybe I'm using those filters my parents taught me to have people by my side. I feel like everything I've said, as funny as it may seem, I don't like it, I don't feel it's appropriate, but maybe it is. I don't know how to go out into the world. The successful things I have as a reference for going out into the world are people who were like a kind of wolves, perfectly selfish people who achieved great success among the masses. I feel like maybe some of that has rubbed off on me, or maybe not. I don't know, but I don't feel like I know who I am, specifically, because I feel like I haven't fulfilled my role, either with my family or with those people, but with myself.

I'm noticing that when I don't fulfill my creative goals, I don't like it; people reject it fiercely. But when I do, I feel like I don't know who I am. I don't find myself in others, and I was taught to find myself through others. By the way, I don't know when to go to a psychiatric emergency room. The thing is, there are no emergency numbers in my country, and I think that's the first thing I want to discuss with my therapist. I can't always be perfect, and I feel like I sometimes fall apart. I don't have their number and no one else to turn to. I also don't know how to manage my current situation with what I have. I know what I have is useful, but I don't know how or what things. I feel like I'm really fading precisely because of this belief that I find myself through others. Also, I don't want to create a personality, an imposed concept, because I feel it's limiting, it doesn't allow me to broaden my horizons, or well, at least not in terms of what could describe a process, a continuity.

I don't know what's happening to me, honestly. I feel like I'm more processing who I am right now, ceasing to see myself in the past.

Just to vent lol. Read if you wish. But i would.like your opinion if you can.

Everytime a relative or a cousin goes through their last year of high-school or entrance exam, my mum needs to bring up how I did badly in them, which tbh was not even that bad. I scored 90% in school but that's "bad" compared to what they were expecting. We are indians for some context. I am literally in 3rd yr of uni but my mom keeps bringing it up.

Because I did my high-school during covid and it was all online, I couldn't keep up with it and the pressure was insane that I just stopped studying. I lived with them and honestly I was so tired everyday. Ofcourse you couldn't really "see" anything, I acted like I was studying while I cheated on every internal exam because she kept asking to see the rank. It got so worse that everyday I would go to sleep hoping to not wake up the next day. I had 0 positivity towards life and I just wouldn't do anything. I only decided to start studying like the last 2 months of high-school which was why I have the marks I have but obviously couldn't get the entrance.

Now my cousin is going to take the exam and their parents have no expectations on her. I told my parents that my cousin can score more than what her parents expect because its not that hard. Obviously my mistake.

Then they asked me why I couldn't get it then since they sent me for special coaching and everything. I said I was a different case and I was too homesick [literally the first thing that came to my head cuz I did live like 6 months in the last year of high-school at a relatives house and this was also one of the factors].

Her immediate response was to laugh and then say it was not true. Then she asked if so, why I wasn't homesick when I went to uni or what happened in the year I was home when I lived with them.

I refused to tell her and she just believes that I just wasted time because I spent all my time watching movies.

I dont want to open this can of worms and tell her how pressured I was to get a good score thst I completely stopped studying and has been passively suicidal since then. Not one day since my high-school have I woken up thinking today will be a good day or I am happy to live today.

I have my happy moments and I don't show it a lot obviously but not a day passes by where I wish my life will have a stop hahah

But ik that if I tell her this she will just laugh at me call me weak willed or that I am acting.

I dont want to tell them the real reason cuz i don't want to put them through that but honestly she will never even understand it. Anytime I try to tell anything she just shut me down and act like I am just over reacting and it doesn't exist. Then she has the audacity to ask why I never told her these things.

Like yes, u put so much pressure on your child they wished they did not live a single day extra and you want them to come tell you this so you can laugh in their face and shut down their feelings?

Bohoo cry me a river

So bascially my day was horrible and I found this website and because the last website I went to when I went through things (okay I may have gone there alot but I thought thats what it was for!) I bascially felt like I was being shamed so I stopped going there. Anyway about my day.

Anyway so first the person I like wasn't at school and I wanted to talk to them because one of my friends decided to share my busisness (tell them I liked them) and there have been some signs that they might like me back. So I just wanted to sort it out. BUT NO!

Then im on a bus and this guy behind me lets call him jerk, Jerk decided to call everybody basically a gay slur but the man is not even gay hes straight. Then my friend who is in a relationship Jerk will not leave them alone. Showing them pictures of the guys family and everytime he waves his stupid hand in my face and kept saying,: get her attention, do it, do it, do it. Like no leave ME ALONE! Gosh then this guy joins in and starts betting her boyfriend to do the nastiest things. By this point I was so done the day was bascially horrible. But I hope everyone else had a great day!

Since the Dogecoin boom of 2020, my father, who is in his mid-sixties, has developed a profound enthusiasm for cryptocurrencies. Throughout this journey, he has also managed to get me somewhat invested in the idea, convincing me to sporadically purchase various digital coins.

Initially, I wasn't fully sold on the concept of cryptocurrencies, certainly not to the extent of his belief that prudent investments could someday lead us to immense wealth. But I maintained an open mind, thinking there’s no harm in trying since I had some spare cash back when I was living at home.

However, nine months after moving out, my interest in cryptocurrencies has waned significantly. I’ve come to view them more as a form of gambling than a serious investment. In fact, I've secretly liquidated all my crypto holdings.

Despite my dwindling enthusiasm, my dad remains passionately onboard with the crypto hype. He spends his days absorbing advice from cryptocurrency experts on YouTube, has compiled detailed lists of which coins to buy, and rigorously tracks their performance. During a recent phone call, he mentioned that he wanted to use our next visit to guide me through the process of buying a new coin he discovered.

I responded somewhat dismissively, indicating my desire to step back from cryptocurrency investing. This was after several months of evasively answering his inquiries about whether I had invested in any new digital coins and brief, skeptical discussions on the subject with him and my brother. He questioned my abrupt decision, emphasizing the need for a rational reason to quit. I deflected, suggesting we change the subject.

When I eventually visited, the topic resurfaced as he pressed me to invest in the new coin. I firmly declined, explaining that I viewed cryptocurrency as mere gambling and preferred not to invest further. He was puzzled by my stance and probed for explanations, but I resisted, asserting my lack of interest in continuing the discussion.

This reaction seemed to upset him, particularly my refusal to engage further in the conversation, which he later described as rude during a follow-up call. He expressed disappointment over my abrupt shutdown of the topic, urging me to reconsider my approach to such discussions.

Additionally, imagining if this scenario unfolded in a reality show setting, the dynamics could be quite interesting. Reality TV thrives on conflict and emotional exchanges; therefore, the discussions and disagreements between us could be exaggerated or spotlighted for dramatic effect. It would be intriguing to see how audiences react to such a personal and financially charged debate, potentially siding with either my practical disinterest or my dad’s persistent enthusiasm.

Was it wrong for me to shut down the crypto talk with my dad?

Apologies for the dramatic title. I feel this doesn't even sound too big for all this and I think a lot of people here might think the same. I talked to my friends, family, and even AI in hopes it would feel lighter on my chest, but I don't see any improvement. I've sent this on reddit, and I'll send it here

I'm currently in the summer course of my second year. I spent these 2 years relatively shut off, only friending select people and keeping a respectable distance from everyone else. My main fear was getting attached to someone and letting it affect me and my studies. I kept telling myself that my objective was finishing my degree and getting out of here. And for a while, it worked, until we had our science expo.

The girl in question was someone I shared a class with in our first year. We interacted barely, and I didn't think of her at all previously. Not because she was bad, but I felt we were both on completely different wavelengths, you know? In the spring of the second year, we shared a class again. I don't know what happened, but this time, it felt different. But I tried to ignore it. I told myself this was an infatuation that'll pass. At the end of the semester, we both had a project to show off at the science expo. I was going around the booths to genuinely support the people participating, like I'd want someone to do for my project. And then I came to her.

She was lit up. So energetic. It was the first time I saw her that way. She showed me all about her project, and I even asked her some questions as engagement. We even joked around when the experiment had a mishap. Then, unprompted, she asked me about my booth. I showed her where mine was since it was relatively far, and she told me, apparently, that she was looking for me, and thought I was at a certain place which had most of my friend group in there, and said she'd visit. She came with her friend, both waited in line while one of the professors was seeing my booth. It took a while, and I noticed she had to come back to her booth for visitors. After we were both done, I noticed she was constantly glancing at my booth and back to her phone. I felt awkward, so I did this weird gesture of invitation with my hand, signaling that it's all ready for her. In retrospect, I felt this gesture could've made things awkward. But it wasn't, which caught me off guard. She laughed, rocking her head back and forth and doing the thing where she covers her mouth while laughing. Then she instantly came, telling me to "show her all I got" and that she'll "rate me honestly". We talked a lot at that time.

Now, due to how long this is, I've thought it's best to describe this one in detail since I feel this was a pivot moment. And after the expo? We talked. A lot. We helped each other during finals week, laughed, and joked. I got to meet her mom accidentally, which was another story in itself. Before I knew it, I was talking with her late at night. But now, since we finished spring and she's not taking summer, I feel both of us drifting apart. At first, I was strictly talking to her like anyone else, not putting her in any kind of place. But then I noticed myself thinking about her, waiting for her reply, looking forward to talking with her again. And now that we barely talk, I honestly feel like shit. And for some reason, I feel ashamed of the way I feel toward her. And what I feared the most is starting to happen. So far, my studies haven't been affected, but I feel sad. And it's not her fault. I keep telling myself, "She's not why you're here," "People come and go," and "You care about her way more than you should," but none of them help. I tried to do hobbies, and they all felt duller. I talked to my family, my friends, and GPTs, and they all say I'm brave and all, and there's no shame in feeling this way. And don't get me wrong; they're right. But no matter how much I'm told, no matter how much I know, no matter how much I say, I still feel like shit.

There's a lot of stuff I haven't said to not make this longer than it already is. Sorry again for the length of what seems to boil down to "a kid that fell in love with his classmate," but I figured there's not much else to try anymore. Thank you for reading

So, I was in love with online person I met, and he goes by a nickname 'Hanata'. I don't know his real name, but he's so nice and seems so miserable and needy..

So I feel in love with what I thought was him

But instead, I realized I fell in love with the vision of him in my head

I finally passes out highschool and there's like a common exam in my country where over 10k people give exams every year for college entrance. People get to study at respective colleges in respective fields acc to the rank they obtain and I just made so many stupid mistakes on my exam and I just feel so hopeless. I've really wanted to get into my dream college and over the months I know there were so many times I slacked off but at the same time I studied, I made efforts. I'd take 3-4 hour classes in the morning, try to study at home and take 4 hour online class at night. Though I didn't pay attention alot in online class and some physical classes and didn't study some days, there were days I made effort, paid attention to class and my results will be here tomorrow and I just feel so shit. I became so demotivated during my last moment and got distracted and ended up studying nothing even though I've always wanted to make efforts..... I just hate it I hate it so much, I feel like I'm the only one who did my exam shit. I feel so shit and I really want to give up. This means alot to me really, people just take this as a light joke but to me it means so much so much to the point I feel like running away and giving up. What about my efforts that I made, why does it have to go to waste. Why is life so unfair, I just want to be happy, it just sucks so bad right now.... I really feel like giving up........

so i have this friend and shes constnatly talks about either our mututal (her best friend) flower in a semi romantic/plationic way (they got some platonic romance going on idk they're pretty much lesbians togehter) and jaes constantly talking about flower or saying how she misses her or how she wants her to join and will shape everything around her. ALSO, MORE COMMONGLY, she will do the same but for some fictional fucking ANIME GIRL shes UNIRONCIALLY (AND I MEAN THIS SERIOUSLY) FUCKING OBESSED WITH. "I MISS KOHANE" "I LOVE KOHANE" "I LOVE BLONDES (kohanes a blonde)" "KOHANE KOHANE KOHANE KOHANE". if me and my group are talking about something SHE WILL RANDOMLY COM IN AND BE LIKE "I LOVE KOHANE" OR "I LIKE BLONDES" OR "IM A LESBIAN" AND SHE DOES THIS EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. WITHOUT A SINGLE HIT OF A FAIL, IM TELLING YOU EVERY DAY EVERY FUCKING DAY. AND SHE WHATS WORSE, WHEN IM DOING SOMETHING WITH HER OR PLANNING SOMETHING WITH HER TO DO SHE WILL LITERALLY CANCEL IT, JUST TO HANG OUT WITH FLOWER, SHE'S DONE THIS MULITPLE TIMES "sorry me and flower jsut haven't been able to play alot recently!"(genuine paraprashed qoute from her) and I FEEL LIKE I CANT SAY ANYTHING BAOUT IT BECAUSE I CANT TELL IF IM JUST BEING JEALOUS OR IF ITS A REAL PROBLEM BECAUSE I DO FEEL JEALOUS AND INSECURE ABOUT IT BECAUSE I DONT HAVE ALOT OF CLOSE FRIENDSHIPS ANYMORE AND SEEING IT REALLY IRCKKS THE HELL OUT OF ME, ITS NOT EVEN THE FACT SHES OBESSED WITH FLOWER, I LIKE FLOWER TOO AS A FRIEN BUT ITS THE FACT SHE ALWAYS FUCKING CHOOSES HER OVER ANYONE ELSE ESPECIALLY ME AND IT REALLY MAKES ME UPSET AND THINK WHATS THE FUCKING POINT IN TRYING IF I'LL ALWAYS BE TE LAST FUCKING PICK. oh and i forgot to mention, her and flower WHILE acting super lovey dovey and gay with each other will joke around and make fun of me which im not too against because i guess its the groupchat humor to make fun of me i guess and i do it myself sometimes but still

My supervisor has grown accustomed of me to write legal documents for the company when it is not my expertise (I am not a paralegal!). It just takes effort and time to research how to write legal documents and instead of me doing my actual work, I just submit these drafted documents to the lawyer and the lawyer checks my work.

I used to be the employee who always got a lot of work, whenever it was related to my specialty, the requests would come to me nonstop. But lately, things have shifted. It feels like they’ve reduced my workload pretty significantly.

On the positive side, I now have more work-life balance. But at the same time, it scares me. What if they’re slowly lowering my workload because they plan to replace me with someone cheaper, or because they think I’m not competent? That thought really worried me at first, especially with how tough the job market is right now and the fact that I have rent and bills to pay.

But slowly, I’m learning to surrender and accept things as they are. I know I’ve done my best, and I’ve never missed a single deadline since the day I started this job.

This is about friends and dating. Not super serious but serious enough. So I downloaded this app, it was for anything, hookups, friends, relationships. I mainly got alot of older men so I deleted it. Before I did tho, I saw a guy on there, he was low-key my type, literally the only other alt guy on there. I didn't text him due to my overthinking and feeling too chopped rn, huge regret Ik but it also feels stupid dwelling on this when there are many guys I could meet out there. I remember being friends with a guy I found attractive at the time and he had a boyfriend, I don't think I can try that again, I was super jealous and trying to please him.

Anyways, even so, I felt too dysphoric to do actually do anything with the guys, like meeting up. I have a girl voice and I don't want people hearing that. It's why it's hard to make friends or anything.

I've also been pretty insecure about my looks, specifically the hair, I got a new hairstyle, thinking I'd like it but I don't. The reason I got it is because of depression, it's hard taking care of the other hairstyle but the one I have? It's easier.

I just wanna self isolate until I I fix all my gender problems. I'm a trans guy. I guess I could try and make friends again online but I don't see how that would help. People talking these magical friends who you'll meet online and will support you always but I don't think that's something I'll have, I'm already hiding myself behind a screen, so what vulnerability?

Before those hobbies questions come...I already workout, dance, sit outside, watch shows, and watch video games.

Any advice is appreciated<3