Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

TL;DR: Jess and James have been together a little over 1.5 years and argue weekly. Their arguments always have the same root cause of poor communication and I am frustrated with how they get third parties (like a parent) to help solve their problems. (Bonus rant at the bottom)

Context: Let's go with the names Jess for the girlfriend and James for the boyfriend. I am James' older brother's girlfriend. We're all college kids. Jess and James have been dating a little over 1.5 years. They will be together for 2 years this upcoming fall. This will be James' first real long-term relationship. Jess has a chronic health condition that she recently got a temporary, but long-term treatment for. James lives closer to the parent's home and can visit more frequently. James also used to be a super intense guy who was irrational, but after he got on a different kind of medication and got older, he has mellowed out so much.

The Problem: I don't know what is with these two, but every time they come home (either for a hospital visit, holiday, or just visiting the family), there is an 90 to 95% chance that they will argue, and if not that day, give them a couple days and something will blow up. And when I say argue, I don't mean a "What do you want to eat" kind of argument; I mean a full blown, super emotional and intense kind of argument where James is yelling and Jess is crying and sometimes yelling. The worst part is, a lot of these arguments happen late at night and because it is so late, a lot of the times, the dad is mediating/intervening, whatever you want to call it.

But because of how often the dad intervenes, I think Jess got so comfortable that she sometimes seeks the dad to solve their problem. I say this because recently they came home and got into an argument, Jess asked me where the dad was. I really didn't want to answer because the dad is gets pulled in so many directions already and I want him to take care of himself more, but also that in the future she will involve me more, but I did anyway.

I also want to mention that I am only at the parent's place for holidays and summers. But from what I know, this happens frequently throughout the school year and not only at my boyfriend's parent's house, but I also got word from Jess' mom that they argue at her place too.

This has been an ongoing issue since day one. They argue multiple times in a month and possibly multiple times in a week (in worse cases they argue multiple times in a day). I am so sick of hearing them argue whenever they come home that I some times wish they don't. To double down, their argument has always been the same issue. At least the same root issue; James does not like how Jess communicates (or a lack of) with him because it sounds like she isn't actually listening to him. It has always been the same problem, just different spices.

I just want to know how often does a normal healthy couple argue? And especially if it's the same problem because these two are the most dysfunctional couple I have ever met.

Bonus Rant: I was ok with Jess before because she seemed mature back then, but now I am just annoyed with her. My boyfriend wants a close relationship with James and they both bond through video games, but I cannot tell you how many times Jess has sabotaged their time together. They plan to play together on a day and then James gets a call from Jess, "Can you please come over?" and if James tries to explain to her that he set aside time for my boyfriend she just begs him. There was a day where she texted my boyfriend something along the lines of: "Hey, James wanted me to text you that he won't be on tonight because I begged him to stay the night lol" and when my boyfriend showed me that, I was so angry.

Just recently my boyfriend and I got party game to play with James. Jess called him, and he said "Hey, I'm playing with them, and I'm going to win this game" joking and having fun. Jess seemed disinterested and just said "ok, I love you". No joke, like 2 minutes later she calls James, asking him to get his dad because her head hurt. James said that his dad may be asleep and she was quick to say he isn't because he just texted her. Then James was like, why don't you call him, and she just said "Please go get him".

Like I don't want to disregard her condition because I know it is very real, but sometimes I feel like she uses her condition as a crutch for her stupid behavior. And also, if you are already texting, there is no problem to just call the man yourself. Her condition isn't bad enough that she can't talk, move, or do things for herself, because I have seen her talk for hours, I have seen her be active, and I have seen her do stuff around by herself when James is not around. I don't know what her problem is with James gaming with his brother, but if it is jealousy, it is a nasty one.

Growing up, my biological family often left much to be desired, leading my sister and I to form a deep bond with our friend, Hannah, and her welcoming family. Over time, they came to be more like parents to us, offering emotional support and even assisting us through college—something I am eternally grateful for. However, a rift began to form earlier this year following a tragic event.

Hannah's father passed away, a man who was much a father to us as well. His passing brought immense sorrow, intensified by the importance his family placed on funeral attendances. In their eyes, missing the funeral was akin to a profound disrespect to both the deceased and the family. Unfortunately, my sister harbors a deep-seated phobia of death and funerals, leading her to decide against attending. Despite my attempts to persuade her, she remained resolute, and the day came and went without her presence.

This decision did not sit well with Hannah's family, especially her mother, who felt personally betrayed. She accused my sister of ingratitude, saying that by not showing up, she had dishonored a man who had done so much for her. Consequently, the family's warmth towards my sister cooled significantly, culminating in her being ostracized. They have since not invited her to their home, and even removed her when she attempted to visit.

Each July, the family hosts a large reunion, which my sister and I have consistently attended in the past. However, this year, only I received an invite. Upon learning this, my sister implored me to skip the gathering in solidarity with her. I found myself torn but ultimately decided to attend, which led to a heated exchange between us. She accused me of being insensitive, while I argued that it was predictable the family would react negatively to her absence at the funeral.

Adding to this, imagine if our situation were part of a reality TV show. Such formats thrive on conflict and emotional drama, and our story provides plenty of both. The cameras would likely zoom in on the family dynamics, perhaps portraying me in a complex light—supportive yet divided between my sister and my adopted family. Viewers would be invited to analyze and debate my decision to attend the reunion, potentially polarizing opinions and sparking widespread discussion regarding loyalty and familial obligations.

How would viewers react if I attended the family reunion on TV?

I have been in a relationship for the past two years with this man and i love him to death and would do anything for him honestly. But him not caring enough to plan anything or gift me anything not even a small rose on my birthday made me think he doesn’t feel the same about me anymore but he gifted me this veryy expensive bag last month out of the blue cause he felt like it and now when i confronted him about not gifting me anything he said to me that the bag was my gift which honestly i love and appreciate but he could’ve atleast planned a date if he wasn’t gonna gift me anything, he didn’t even post a simple story in Instagram wishing me or anything which is all right but its just that birthdays are the only days you can make someone feel extra special and if i am being honest i have been planning his birthday since January and his birthday is in august so it hurt me a bit that he didn’t do anything for me.

I want help from people who failed in teenage love because the girl cheated on them. What should I do to fix my mind, how can I become better for the next girl? Also please help me with some videos of youtube for self help! I don't feel myself anymore because not just she cheated on me because took my friends away by lying.

Sigh I will just wallow in my feelings. I dunno what to think about it.. I wanna scream and shout and I dunno. Fck.

My husband often speaks in an angry tone. A Bit too loud, staccato. Just sounds pissed. When I ask, he never tells me right away whats wrong. I Need to did and dig. Sometimes he answers honestly, but often Not. Just a quick „no it’s ok“.

I cant bear it, especially when he used this tone with my 15 year old son. Of course the boy reacts and them it just takes off from there. I am fed up

My useless ex girlfriend left me for someone with a dick. Although the relationship ended amicably I feel bitter. I wish I could tear into her in front of everyone we know. I don't because there is a one in a billion chance that she might be useful. Such as pay me back the money I spent on a studio apartment for her.

This feels so incredibly strange to actually write out. But one of my closest friends, who I’ve known for over 5 years now, I think, well I know really, that I’ve fell for. We’ve had an ongoing little thing, since about november of last year, in which he was in a previous relationship for a bit. That in itself is another story.

my issue is, that i didn’t think it was doing much bad for me, in terms of i didn’t feel like it was eating me up inside. but i woke up with such a pit in my stomach, and i felt like my heart had been ripped into two yesterday when I didn’t feel as close to him as usual.

i’m not sure what advice im hoping to receive, coming clean and getting all o my feelings of my chest to him would probably be smartest. but he’s complicated, and im scared to do that too.

I see my very best friend as my soulmate but a couple days ago she started to talk to this guy online. I feel like I'm being put second to him, in no way am i jealous of their relationship I'm happy she has someone she likes romantically. its only been a 2 days that i feel she's stopped talking or answering my messages. she's my only real friend and I'm scared we are gonna drift apart. We have been friends since we were 9th grade and we are both 20 now, I'm just scared. Am i overreacting and i do plan on saying something if it continues. I'm very scared.

so, here's the thing, my brother and i have this classic sibling rivalry that honestly feels like it's straight out of every cliche sitcom ever. he's got this knack for tearing down whatever small accomplishments i manage to muster, and then somehow, he flips the whole scenario around like he's doing some circus trick. it's kinda like "hey, there buddy, i was just being tough on you to make you stronger"...when in fact, his words just sting, you know? 🤷‍♂️ i mean, we've all been there, trying to find that delicate balance between accepting sibling criticism as "constructive" and realizing it's just mean-spirited jabs dipped in sarcasm. sometimes i wonder if he's ever taken the time to be a bit more gentle with his words, especially knowing that i'm, well, still figuring things out.

let's paint a more clear picture; it's sunday brunch... our family tradition, right? the plan's always like, grab a plate and spill some tea. today, however, just as i'm reminiscing with my folks about how well my recent soccer game went, the guy leans back, smirking, and tosses in this zinger, "yeah, if only the other team had scored as much as your footprints on the field, maybe they'd have bought you lunch!" sure, maybe it sounds amusing, but there's always this underlying tone that transcends playful banter into the realm of something a bit harsher. ever hear the theory that siblings push buttons no one else knows exist? that's us in a nutshell, except he seems to have installed a new set of buttons altogether! why is it so difficult for him to understand the concept of cheerleading instead of constantly acting like a comedian at my expense?

still, amidst all this chaos, i've decided not just to endure but to try and redefine our dynamic. instead of falling into the pitfall of dramatics, i figured, why not spin his antics positively, kind of like killing him with kindness, as they say. maybe i could even subtly emulate the ancient stoic practice; you know, focusing on controlling my reaction to his remarks rather than expecting his behavior to change overnight. and, who knows? maybe one day, he'll realize that sometimes, the loudest applause for a sibling is a quiet word of support rather than a clever quip. ever feel like you’re in a one-way sibling telepathy session? 'cause i sure do, always hoping for that lightbulb moment. perhaps there's a book or a podcast out there? like "sibling diplomacy: a guide to cultivating camaraderie?" i'm game for suggestions if anyone's got them!..

I have friends in high school but I don't talk to them much because I'm shy, my interests are much different from theirs, and I'm scared to open up to them. Literally every kid in class has met each other outside of school, I'm the only one who hasn't hung out with any of them outside of school cause my home is so far from most of theirs. My friends also know each other more and are much closer with each other than I am with them. I don't even think I've ever had an actual best friend. Plus my school is so freaking tiny so the chances of meeting someone who I truly vibe with is 0%, unless a new kid joins our class with is highly unlikely. I just feel so lonely.

Ive been trying to hang out with my cousin more but everytime I join the discord call I feel like shes upset or one of her friends is upset I joined because they will say my name in a disinterested tone and I dont know if Im just reading too much into it because I am and have been anxious since my last and only friend group broke up I think Im just going to like stop joining or something I dont know I just dont want to be like hey guys! Include me pick me or whatver you know

I mean me and my cousin were talking 1 on 1 and she said I could dm her whenever but my anxiety is telling me different

So I'm 15, my brother is 13. He's a major asshole. His first problem is that he never listens, I tell him something and he'd insult me but not listen even if it's genuinely good advice or I told him caring about him. I know at my age I haven't lived the world yet, but I can help him with some things. The second thing is that he always argues, he acts like all he does is not his fault. He doesn't study, not his fault. He does something stupid or harmful, not his fault. and when he gets scolded he doesn't give a fuck. Today he literally gave us all a heart attack, basically he gets out of school at 2 pm, he should've been home max at 2:20, instead while we were trying to find him everywhere on the road from school to home, contacting his classmates and friends, apparently he was bringing his friend home (who literally lives on the complete other side of the town) and he arrived home at 3 pm. Apparently his bike broke (not broke but the chain wasn't working) and he didn't bother trying to contact anyone. And now after getting a big ass scolding from my mom and literally her saying she was so fucking worried, he just kept rolling his eyes and not caring. He didn't accept on taking his phone to school just in case, so now he cannot even accompany his friends. And now this evening I'll have to hear him getting scolded and him not giving a fuck again.

I don't wanna hear any shit saying "oh but he's still growing, he's a teen." well I'm a teen too, all my friends are teens too, and none of us ever did this shit. How can someone be so selfish and such a dickhead? I always say this, he's been raised as the main character and way too cared for. I just don't get it, I wasn't this shitty at 13.

Have you ever felt like life is just going downhill??? That's been my vibe lately, but I'm holding out hope that things will turn around. I got this job that seemed perfect at first glance, but it's been nothing short of chaotic LOL! It's like everyday feels like an upward battle only to find myself rolling down the hill. I'm doing my best, but sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed!!! The pressure is like a constant companion, but I'm learning to take it all in stride. 😅 Life's got its tricky parts, doesn't it?!

Guess what though? Despite the struggles, I'm determined to see the silver lining!!! I keep reminding myself that every descent down the hill is just an opportunity to climb back up again with even more gusto. The ups and downs, they're all part of the journey, right? It's kinda cool to think that each slip is making me stronger in some way. I mean, how else are we supposed to grow if not through challenges??? It might be tough, but I'm ready to take it on day by day. Keep movin', keep groovin' - that's what they say, right?

But hey, don't get me wrong, I'm all about finding the chill vibes where I can. 🎵😊 I try to soak in the positive energy, listen to some good tunes, and keep the optimism alive. Maybe it's not always as smooth as I'd like, but there's beauty in the chaotic dance of things. I'm confident that eventually, all this crazy will shape into something amazing. As I continue on this winding path, I'm embracing everything with a hopeful heart, ready for whatever comes next!!! How's that for staying upbeat, huh? Keep climbing, my friend, there's always a brighter side waiting for us!!!

My parents have a big heart for all of us, but it seems like they always give my brother, who isn't exactly the most successful, more breaks than the rest of us. He's nearly 30 and hasn't managed to stick to a stable career path; instead, he floats from one temporary gig to another, often in positions that require minimal skill and pay just as little.

Whenever I upgrade to a new car, I pass my old vehicles down to my parents instead of selling them. I’m fortunate enough to be in a financial position where I don't have to worry about the resale value. Typically, these cars are about six years old with around 30,000 miles on them as I don’t drive them much.

A while back, I gave my parents a fully-equipped Jeep Patriot that I could have sold for $9,000. Instead, I let my father have it for just $1. Six months later, he handed it over to my brother, who then sold it for $12,000. My intention was for my parents to benefit from a reliable car without the burden of upkeep, not for my brother to make a profit.

Recently, I purchased a new Broninus and decided to set a different rule for transferring my Ram to my parents. I proposed a contractual agreement stating that if they sold the car within five years, they would need to sell it back to me for $1. They reacted badly, accusing me of treating them like children and insisting they should be able to do whatever they wanted once it was theirs.

Seeing their point, I sold the Ram privately for $27,000 and used that to help pay for the Broninus. When my dad inquired about when I'd be delivering the truck, I informed him I had already sold it. Now, my parents are disappointed and stuck with their old, less reliable Kia. They feel like I've reneged on a promise, even though I never actually promised them the truck—just proposed a possible arrangement.

Honestly, it’s tough trying to help when it feels unappreciated or taken advantage of. It's frustrating when efforts to assist are twisted into expectations.

Imagine if this drama unfolded on a reality TV show; the dynamics and disputes would surely captivate an audience. Viewers might be split, with some sympathizing with my attempts to manage family expectations and others perhaps seeing me as overly controlling or stingy. The family deliberations, confrontations over the vehicles, and negotiations around the contracts would make for emotionally charged episodes, drawing viewers deeper into the familial tensions and ethical dilemmas.