Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

I am 31 years old woman and I have been working since three years in a government center that manage the reception and also the returning of foreigners. In fact, my specific department is dedicated to the expulsion of persons to their country of origin, and in majority this means Mexico or Central America regions. Each day I face stories that are extremely human, sometimes even tragic, and I confess with no shame that I continue to cry very often after my working hours. I thought maybe with the time I would build kind of shield or hard skin, but it did not happen like that. Instead, I feel even more sensitive to the pain of others. I ask myself often, why some colleagues can make jokes about it or just continue with neutral face, while me I go home with heavy heart? Once, after accompanying a family of four to the airport, the young daughter gave me a bracelet made of colored threads and whispered, “please remember us.” How to not be moved by such words? That night I couldn’t sleep and I kept asking to myself if I am in the right job, if my tears will ever stop flowing, or if maybe it is normal reaction to continue to be sensitive after all this time.

In my way of thinking, sensitivity is not only a weakness, it is also a force that allows us to see the humanity behind the regulations and the bureaucracy. But still, I would like to learn how to be less affected, because depression is coming again and again in waves, and it is hard to keep motivation. Some days I sit in the restroom and I cry silent because I cannot show to others this fragility, even if in reality I am not ashamed, but more scared of being judged or considered incapable. Sometimes I try to use strategies like writing small notes of gratitude, reading philosophy or spiritual texts that bring comfort, like Viktor Frankl saying that “those who have a why to live, can bear almost any how.” This line encourage me, but in practice when I see another deportation case, my heart breaks anyway. What do you think, is it possible to keep empathy and compassion but without losing mental balance? Or is the only way to survive in such work to build cold wall around emotions? I feel very lost on this point, because I want to keep human but not to be destroyed inside every month.

I try to be hopeful, because I know life is also about learning from the suffering, and maybe in some strange way these experiences will help me to grow stronger. For example, I started recently to do voluntary activities in my free time, like teaching English to immigrant kids, and this give me positive energy to compensate the darker side of my job. It is like giving back something, even small, to balance what I take part in during the day. I also talk with my mother, and she reminds me kindly that “you cannot save everyone, but you can always treat them with respect and dignity.” That phrase stay in my mind, and maybe that is the key, to know that even in a painful role, I can give something decent like a smile or kind word. So I want to ask you, dear reader, do you think there is a method to be less sensitive without becoming cruel? Or maybe the true courage is to accept our sensitivity and find ways to manage it with healthier habits, like therapy or meditation or even just having more supportive friends around? I sincerely hope to discover balance, and I hope also to not lose myself, because despite all the tears, I believe that my heart can still be source of hope and resilience.

Might be big.

I feel quite numb and sad most of the time. Been this way for a few years. I've lost interest in everything that I used to enjoy. I feel like a burden on my family. Im just a mere waste of space and resources. Im worthless. I feel lonely and distanced from everyone. Feels like the only time my dad talks to me is when its about education or school. Neither of my parents seem interested when I want to share something. I'm not good at socializing. My class is mostly guys (and I'm a girl who prefers hanging around with girls), and i don't like them. Theyre disgusting and weird. All of them have sh!t talked about me at some point too. They have no reason to talk about me so much, but they do as one of their friends is my cousin. There are only 4 girls including me. I'm friends with girl A. I've also known girl K for a while, but I'm not close with her. I don't even know if she considers me a friend. A and K used to be best friends. K had another best friend, who left the school recently. This year K and A started hanging out a lot more again and sitting together, leaving me alone a little. Girl N is new, and good friends with K. I couldn't be close with her either, and it feels awkward. Theyre not mean to me, yes I have been talked behind my back by K before, but we were very young and little kids back then so I don't grudge over it. I know its selfish of me to feel jealous, I have no right to feel that way. A has her own life and right to hang out with others. But I still just feel a little sad when she's with others instead. My class is mostly guys, and i don't like them. Theyre disgusting and weird. All of them have shit talked about me at some point too. They have no reason to talk about me so much, but they do as one of their friends is my cousin. the guys are worse than me, and they don't get told anything. Even my cousin isn't given as many headaches. My friend also has a similar attendance situation, sometimes worse. But she's never been called an irregular student. I've been doing worse in school lately. The grading system sucks too. I feel too unmotivated. I also have a lot of assignments and projects to do, impacting my sleep schedule. Sometimes its hard to sleep. I don't want to wake up in the morning, and I just really don't want to go to school these days. But I don't have a choice so I suck it up. I don't like my tutor either. He's not bad, just not for me. My parents gve me my cousins tutor and I have to study with him now. I don't like having to study along with my cousin, our study speed is different. I barely have time to do things anymore because of having a tutor. Ive never had anyone. I try to push it all to the back of my mind and deal with the present. Its monotonous. Ive been sucking it up for years. This year however, multiple people have been noticing that I apparently seem "sad". I suppose I'm slipping up and having a harder time masking my feelings. I've never wanted to live long. I've always intended to die by 18, after I finish school or before college. It wasn't such a big deal before, I was still young and a while away from those years, so it was a reasonable time. But now I'm closer to the years. I feel conflicted. I've been seeing a weird vision/dream lately too. Its a white room, with a black path. I've walked on it since birth. And now its reached its end. the path doesn't continue further. Im merely standing on the end of it now. I feel a little crazy saying this haha. I dont see a future for me. I dont want to live. I feel guilty thinking about it. My parents shouldnt spend money on my education, since I don't intend to have a future to put it to use. Im useless. I'll never be someone that can make them proud. There's no point of my life. I dont have a right to feel this way. Im ungrateful. I dont like how i look or who i am. I feel fat. I'm not overweight, but my stomach always looks bloated. It makes me feel insecure. My mom pointed it out a few times. My hair always looks frizzly. I feel unloved and unwanted. I feel lost. If I died,my parents wouldnt have to waste money on me anymore. They would have one less kid to worry about. They'd do better financially. They'd have a better life. I don't feel like they'd care much. they'd say I was lost to the devil. Im tired of living. I dont enjoy anything anymore. I don't want to study. I don't want to work. I dont want to play. I don't want to do anything. People call me emo or spoiled. It hurts. I don't ask my parents for anything. why am I considered spoiled? I try my best to be as low of a nuisance as possible. I try to help whenever I can. It's never enough. I'm trying my best. I really am. The constant comparison with my cousin also hurts. "He's a boy and he does so much around the house". I have a little brother. Sometimes it's like he doesn't love me. I get yelled at if I don't teach him his homework and stuff. If he does something wrong, I get punished. I also have religion pressured on me a lot. I'm tired. I've cried for a while. I feel sleepy now.

Sorry for all the writing. Ive never tried expressing my emotions in an online forum before. I feel like an attention seeker saying all this tbh. Sorry, thank you for reading! ♡

I'm not the one who's hurting here—at least, not the one that's hurting the most in this situation.

A good friend of mine has recently told me that they can't keep being around me because they've fallen in love with me. I've had a few instances of suspecting this during the past few years but I always brushed it off as me misconstruing things. No other friendship has compared to what me and this girl have. She's my best friend.

I grew up with very little close friends. Most of the time, I was the floater friend and so when it came to the rare occurrence of me developing really close friendships, I'd hold on to them like they were my lifelines.

Then I met this girl. It was 2022, I believe. We've been through a lot together, confided in each other during the darkest points of 2022-2025. And this year, I felt like our friendship was really developing as we'd see each other more often to hang out. We were initially online friends and circumstance has led us to living in neighboring cities.

She's one of the greatest people I know, genuinely. When I say that there's goodness in this world, she has proven that to me.

Earlier, she texted me earlier saying that our friendship has been weighing on her because she's known for a long time that she's developed feelings.

I told her that I understood if she's taking a break from talking to me or if she's completely cutting me off because clearly, if I keep being friends with her, she'd be operating at an expense. Being friends with her will only hurt her even more. I cannot be more than a friend even if I tried. And I'm feeling like I'm losing someone who's been an integral part of my support system. I don't want to lose her but I know it's selfish of me to want to keep being friends because her needs are clearly not being met in this situation.

She's said that nobody has ever understood her the way I do and that she's struggling to see anyone else who'd reach my level of understanding of her. And objectively, I know someone else is out there that can be just as good a friend as I was to her. But she likes me. And there's nothing I can do about this.

I know that this is something she has to deal with internally, that maybe time will bring us back together. I cannot stop her and I only want her to have peace of mind even if it's at the cost of cutting me off.

But she's my best friend. I'm in a dark spot right now and my support system is literally just 3 people including her and she's the person I'm closest to. Lmao not the best, I know.

I know what will happen when she does reply to my text. I just hope it won't be goodbye.

(Convo I had with my bf this morning, we started off talking about Papa by Rosendale)

me: yeah so I can’t play that song for my dad bc of that one part, he’s gonna be like “oH tHIs Guy Is TRaNS???” nah man he’s just gay

him: heh… your boyfriend is trans!

(there were two kids behind who went to the same middle school as us and had just heard that)

me: (nervous) the fact that you just said that with those two behind us (laughs it off nervously)

him: OH SHI- oh well I don’t care what they think

me: yeah, well I do… (I turned and went down the nearest stairway, usually me and him go down the second stairs instead of the first and hang out under the stairs over there, but I went down the first and then just went to class as fast as possible)

like I know he doesn’t care what people think but I do and he probably knows that

this was actually so upsetting I immediately found my friend/platonic child Allen (not real name) and vented to him about it like-

I truly wish I never told you who I was. And who I wanted to be. I never expected the absence of words I hated so dearly to effect me in such a way. I wish I never told you I was nonbinary. And that the names made me feel gross sometimes. I wish I was still propped up on your chest while you whispered our nicknames into my ear. I miss being your pretty girl. I miss being your wife. I miss feeling like I mattered to you. I miss you showing off your girlfriend to everyone you know because I was the prettiest thing you've ever seen. But now your to scared to call me pretty. To nervous to tell me I look beautiful. All of our compliments and sweet names are filled with anxiety and it hurts me to hear the pain in your voice. I hope you know I love you. And I hope you know.. that if I could take it all back and just stay quiet about who I was. I would. In a heartbeat.

So yesterday the Marching Band season started

I have a friend who's in marching band. she's three years older than me, she's really awesome and she has GREAT taste in music.

I met her last year in last year's marching band season. (last year was my first year.)

Also last year, I had another friend.

He was pretty cool. We met because of a mutual friend I had made during that year's Spring Trainings.

We became pretty good friends.

The music that year was really stressful. I ended up crying in the hallway, considering quitting, but he gave me a pep talk.

I started to really like him.

Then, in the middle of the season last year, he stopped speaking to me for no reason at all.

And then, yesterday, first day of spring Trainings, I had to see him again.

It hurt like crazy.

15 year old here.

Although some people find me smart (and I can agree to a certain degree) it is a middle position. Advanced topics of mathematics, physics, computer science and etc. capture my interest, but I often navigate them worse than most people considered prodigies or anything alike. It's not a matter of just confidence, self-esteem and such as it is a quality I genuinely value and would love to have, is required for most of my interests, so it is not a situation where one grieves over lack of it without a reason. Typically, raw intelligence can not be drastically improved. Most I can do is educate myself, but that just does not feel enough.

What do I do? How do I cope with not being even nearly as smart as people from my social circle that I strive to be alike to?

This morning was unusually tense with my fiance, Peter. While engaging in my daily routine of brushing my teeth and preparing for the day, Peter decided to sit our little daughter in her high chair to watch her favorite show. Instead of attending to her, he got caught up in watching TikTok videos for what seemed like forever, around 10 to 15 minutes. When I finally finished up and noticed what was happening, I was quite upset to see that he hadn't started making breakfast yet.

His excuse was that he was waiting on me to decide what our daughter should eat, even though he fully knows that she normally has scrambled eggs on daycare mornings—she's one, after all. I immediately called him out on his delay, labeling it a pure excuse. This triggered a wider argument about him not proactively helping out with our daughter or her daily needs in the morning. In a moment of apparent frustration, Peter suggested I should draft him a "list" of tasks he should undertake concerning our daughter’s morning routine. I shot down the idea instantaneously because I feel he should inherently know what needs to be done as a parent. There's no list handed to me; I just assess the situation and manage her necessities like diaper changes, dressing her for the day, handling her teeth brushing, and preparing daycare bottles.

Amidst our heated discussion, I adamantly refused to create such a list. My point being, why should I have to spoon-feed parenting duties to someone who’s equally responsible for them? It's baffling and somewhat disheartening that after so much time, these responsibilities aren’t understood and shared.

Imagine this situation unfolding in a reality show setting—cameras capturing every detail and broadcasting our domestic squabble to an audience. Would the viewers empathize with my frustration or view my refusal to write out a list as uncooperative? Reality TV thrives on drama and complications, so it's interesting to ponder whether such a seemingly mundane yet relatable conflict could strike a chord with viewers or simply amplify the judgment towards either of us?

Am I wrong for not wanting to make a parenting "to-do" list for my fiance?

Hello everyone!

I'm not a native English speaker, so please excuse any grammatical mistakes.

My mom planned a New Year’s trip to the beach, but with us having a cat and a dog, and my parents being divorced, I chose to stay with my dad, leaving my mom to celebrate with her side of the family. However, my dad and stepmom are quite fastidious and weren’t keen on handling the pets – they believe it’s not their job to manage such tasks.

I suggested my mom could take the dog with her, while I looked after the cat. She refused, explaining that my grandfather, whose house they were visiting, wasn't fond of dogs, and she didn't want to leave my cat all alone. In the end, she arranged for the neighbors to provide food and water for the pets during her absence. Although I wasn't comfortable with this plan, I felt my hands were tied and reluctantly agreed.

Time passed, and although I wanted to visit the pets, my dad’s packed schedule made it difficult. Five days into my mom's trip, a distressing message came through from her. “Hanna is not eating well”, it read. Alarmed, I pushed to check on the pets immediately.

Arriving home, I was met with a heart-wrenching sight. Hanna, my two-year-old dog, was covered in filth, having apparently consumed trash. I hurriedly bathed her and even trimmed her fur to clean her up as best I could.

My cat, however, was in worse shape. I broke down crying when I found him injured and struggling to breathe, his body bearing scars. The vet later speculated he might have been hit by a vehicle. Now hospitalized, the thought of him suffering gutted me. This felt like neglect; the neighbor's goodwill was not enough to ensure the animals’ safety.

Upon their return, instead of taking responsibility, my mom and several aunts placed the blame squarely on my shoulders for not visiting the pets more frequently. Frustrated, I defended myself, pointing out I didn’t have access to a vehicle or any way to intervene more than I did. Thankfully, my dad supported me, yet I still felt like I let everyone down, including the pets. Despite my warnings, this disastrous scenario unfolded, and now my dad is footing the vet bills, an expense that could have been avoided had my mom listened.

Now, all communication about this incident has ceased on my mom’s end, yet I can’t help but feel resentful. Am I wrong for feeling upset with her over this?

Imagine if this scenario unfolded on a reality show. The drama and tension would certainly draw viewers’ attention, with cameras focusing on the heated arguments and teary confessions. How would the audience react to seeing the neglect the pets endured and the subsequent family fallout on screen? Would they sympathize with me or label me the villain of the episode?

Me and my boyfriend have been together soon to be two years now. I oftentimes have had to reprimand him about stupid stuff like him being overly kind to women and allowing it to cut into time that me and him spend together, but today I have found a rather compelling... Well... Discovery. So, he's been struggling with finding and keeping work but he always has money somehow. I did some snooping,(I know, I'm sorry) under suspicion that I'd find out maybe he has an alternative way of making money like OF or something but instead... He's been lying to women and "flirting" with them and making false promises to meet up with them, only to take money from them and end up spending it on me. (Gifts, dates, stuff I ask for or sometimes I post on my story.) The money he gets from working with his family, he spends on himself. I don't know what to say or do. As good as our relationship is, I've never expected some shit like this. I don't know. I am at a loss for words. I had to get it off my chest because I knew it'd eat me up knowing all day and not processing it. What the hell do I even do? Where do I start? It's only ever been women that have ignored the fact he tells them he's with me, or women who've been under my comments calling me ugly or fat or some shit. I can't even come up with the words.

Soo from how u have lived. What do you think a 16 yr old should know? Or in the process of knowing?? Or like matured from??

i hate that i still think about him every damn day. like seriously, what the actual hell is wrong with me?? it’s been almost a year now, and yet my brain still plays back the same damn memories like a broken-ass record. we broke up for good reasons—he was selfish, emotionally unavailable, and let’s be real, kinda manipulative—but here i am, stuck on this dude like he was the love of my damn life. i know better!! i tell myself all the time that it’s not love anymore, it’s just habit, it’s just comfort, blah blah blah, but none of that seems to help when i see something that reminds me of him and i instantly feel like shit. and what pisses me off the most is that he’s probably doing great, not even sparing me a single thought, while i’m out here spiraling over some random t-shirt he left at my place or that stupid playlist we used to drive around to. 😒

i’ve tried everything. blocking him didn’t help, just made me feel more pathetic because i still checked his socials through a fake account. going out with friends works... for like five minutes until someone mentions his name or something vaguely related and boom, my brain’s back in hell. even dated other guys and guess what? they all felt like filler characters in a story that’s already ended. like i was just going through the motions. one of them even told me i wasn’t really present and yeah, no shit dude. i’m trying but it’s like i’m stuck in emotional cement. and don’t get me wrong, i don’t miss how he made me feel like i was never enough or the stupid games he played when he was “too busy” to call. i miss the small, dumb shit like how he always brought me red bull without asking or how he said my name when he was half asleep. isn’t that just sick?? how can i know someone’s bad for me and still crave their attention like some love-starved idiot???

so yeah, tell me this—why the f*ck can’t i get over him?? is there some switch i forgot to flip? am i broken or just brainwashed from being treated like trash for so long that now i think it’s the norm? i try to analyze it, journal it, scream it into a pillow, and nothing changes. maybe i’m just terrified that no one else will get me the way he did... even if the “getting me” part came with a truckload of emotional damage. maybe it’s not really about him at all, maybe it’s about how i felt when i was with him—like i mattered, like someone chose me, even if he dropped me just as quick. i don’t know. all i know is this mess inside my chest won’t go away and i’m tired of pretending like i’m fine. if you’ve been through this—how the hell did you finally let go??? 💔

*i just want to note that i didn't say hate, this sister of mine would always say she hated me and my parents so i avoid using the word as it can be kinda triggering*

I feel like a bad person because i dont like my sister (A). A is 2 years younger than me and has a twin sister (B).

A has always caused many issues in my life. When we were younger she would hit me and B, and sometimes even my parents. It got better for a while but just over a year ago it got bad again. She would get mad at me, B, and my parents for the tiniest things. There have been several instances where she was throwing a fit in the car while my mom was driving and she GRABBED THE STEERING WHEEL, thankfully we never got in a car crash.

A has been very sensitive from a young age, and when she get angry she normally goes through a few phases.

1. Yell at the person who made her mad (this usual goes on for a good 10 minutes)

2. My mom threatens to take away something from A (usually her phone)

3. A pleas with my mom to give her back said item (she will scream "please i'll do anything" for 5 straight minutes and when my mom finally tells her what she can do to make it up she will scream "ill do anything else" 😒)

4. A storms off to her room

5. A lays down on the ground in her bedroom and screams bloody murder while kicking her bedroom door.

6. A gets hurt from kicking the door

7. A screams for my dad to come and help her because she is "hurt"

8. My dad ignores her for a good 5 minutes until the screaming gets too annoying

9. My dad goes to As bedroom and tries to open the door (she locked herself in her room)

10. My dad opens the door with a butter knife and proceeds to have a conversation with A

A also has a lesser maturity than me and B so it tends to be more difficult to hang out. Because of all this anxiety and stress caused by A it isn't uncommon for me and B to huddle in my bedroom with a bunch of snacks and vent to each other about A. Me and B also do other things when we hang out but that is what brought us closer together (B also used to hit me, but she's chill now).

A has continually reminded us to tell her if me and B are hanging out.

(I want to mention that me and B hang out with A a lot, so it's not like we are icing her out of anything)

But if me and B have a secret convo in my bedroom without A and she finds out suddenly she is screaming at us about how she hates us and doesn't even want to hang out with us. This also makes it particularly unappealing to hang out with A.

A is a loner, she has friends but she rarely hangs out with any of them outside of school. A is also very fond of "chilling". A's definition of chilling is not letting me or B invite friends over, no chores or cleaning up her room, and no family plans. This weekend i had previously planned to have a sleepover with a friend at my house but because A wanted a "chill" weekend, i had to cancel. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal but this has happened before and i feel that it is taking a time on some of my friendships.

Recently i have been feeling really bad about my feelings toward A. I keep imagining her alone in her room, sad, because she can hear my and B laughing in my room. I'm literally crying thinking about it rn. It's just so hard to look past all the hardships she's out me and my family through.

Thanks for reading this, there is prob a couple spelling errors but you'll get over it. If you could give me some suggestions to improve my relationship with A that would be amazing.

Hope you have a good morning/afternoon/evening/night💕

Myself and my husband have been waiting for a new build house and currently living with my father.

One of the items we discussed getting was a tumble dryer for the house. Given that the flat I have just sold had some damp issues (but not major ones) we bought a heater dryer and we also had a combo washer dryer. (The dryer we hardly used because it had no temperature control and liked to melt things)

So we have discussed getting a tinkle dryer so that we don’t have the same issues in a brand new home. Plus this is so much water that goes into building a new home we have been told to let it breathe for 2 years after building and purchase. Plus we l won’t have radiators downstairs as we will have under floor heating and an air source heat pump.

So no damp clothes lying around. My mother in law (MIL) is very anti tumble dryers because I quote they are a waste of money and I didn’t have one and don’t have one blanket, so you don’t need one. To be fair she had 4 kids is retired bookkeeper and myFIL had a tight grip on the finances.

My husband and I are going to get one and last time I saw her I told her that we weren’t asking her for the money towards it in lieu of presents for birthdays and Christmas. That I don’t need her approval to get one that we could afford one that over selves. Last time I saw her, when I told her this she got up in my face and was quite agressive. I told my husband who did say the reasons why we wanted one as well that next time she brings the house up that he needed to with her.

We are due to see them after a while (they have been away) at the weekend and I am feeling a bit apprehension about it.

All the while we are also a trying to start a family and it’s just a bit much. I think I might snap if she says anything and I don’t want to be mean. But it’s not her decision or her house or her life. We are trying for a family and haven’t told many people.

Tell me now and don't regret it two years later. Duh.just let me know dude wth.🤣😂🤣😂😂😂