Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

For the people that saw my goodbye post. I didn’t succeed in my attempt. It’s just gotten worse as my family members know and now I will be getting a therapist soon. I just want to go. I don’t want to stay longer.

My aunt had a saying when we where little that was a snippit from a church song reworded that went "Jesus said love everyone treat them kindly too, if your heart is filled with poo, no one will live you". To be honest why is it that my family acts like thats a foreign concept, and we aren't even foreign where a freaking white medium Christian family. Its like no one knows how to be kind and no one knows what being a decent human being is like.

On another note I kinda feel like a hyprocrite for wishing for everyone to be different, because i'm the one who cant pick up on social cues and always says the wrong thing. And at this point in my life I feel like saying I have mildish high functioning autism sounds like a stupid excuse.

I have a bunch of sister, mostly older and a twin as well (non identical) and they make me want to kill myself and i'm not saying that in a joking way. Like how is it that every friend I make leaves me for my extroverted sister? It's not like i did anything wrong i really tried to stay their friends but after they meet alice they act like im boring. Some of my other sister seem to always put in the effort to make it seem like i'm trying to be weird and mentally ill but I wish I wasn't, because its not like im even a cool level of mentally ill, im the type that gets called slurs and doesn't make friends unless its to people who don't have there own friends. Even then they always then meet each other through me and kind of forget about me.

Lastly what i'm going to vent about is relationship stuff. So I have a girlfriend and she's nice and I think I like her? I don't really know what it's supposed to feel like. I felt like a bad partner for dating her not even telling her i'm genderfluid when she's a lesbian, but weirdly when i told her she didn't even act like she supported me more like it didn't matter. We are both very adhd and it's long distance anyways (just across town because we go to different high schools and we both don't have cars) so we don.t get to talk a lot so i feel like i'm not there for her anyways. Just in all I haven't figured myself out yet when it comes to romantic relationships, I might be on some spectrum of ace. But I'm just so done with people I just might be mixing up my feelings or something? I don't know. Oki thats it :))

It’s not really a story. I need a place to vent. I have no one to turn to. I don’t want to worry my family and my friends will judge me which they have every right to do so cause I did to my self. I have health issues that effect my liver. It’s been managed well with medication but last year I lost my health insurance. I was not able to see my dr and wasn’t taking my medication line I was supposed to. I would occasionally drink but I should have been more concern since I didn’t have health insurance! Well I finally got insurance and went to the drs. Got my results back and my liver is bad. My dr hasn’t reached out to me and I’m scared. Scared I’ve done severe damage and the new health issues it will bring. I’ve cried two times but I don’t know what to do. I’m terrified but I did this to myself. I’m the one to blame. Why should people hear me out

I'm a young teen and the 3rd/youngest child in my family.

My mom has schizophrenia(she hears things rather than hallucinates) and terrible paranoia, and all my life I had to live with this ALONE. My father works abroad though he regularly calls to check up on us, and my older brothers moved to live with my grandma when I was younger. I'm guessing it's to run away from my mom, but I was left with her. Maybe because I was too young to understand things, and they needed to have someone to live with her so she won't be lonely... But because of this, I've been isolated, lonely, drained, and sometimes depressed.

I had to deal with my mom staying at my school and wait until I got dismissed every single day for 4 fucking years. I was a child back then so I didn't understand anything and thought it was normal. I'd have my friends and classmates ask me why she stays at school and I would never know what to say so I'd repeat the same answer, "Because she cares about me." Well, I wasn't exactly wrong because she does care about me but she worries WAY TOO MUCH. I thought it was okay at first until I couldn't even go anywhere in school campus without her following me. I couldn't eat with any of my friends at the cafeteria because I was eating with her. Hell, I couldn't even have fun with the cool kids for the first time because she was there following me. I would tell her, "I wanna be independent and go to school alone!" but she'd never listen. EVEN TILL THIS DAY, I'm currently in high school and will soon go to Senior high, and though she doesn't stay at my school anymore, she still won't listen to me and continues to treat me like I can't take care of myself, like I don't know how to get home, like I'm still 6 years old. I hate it. My father tries to help, especially when he's home over the holidays. He'd argue with my mom to let me be a teenager. But she won't listen and make up excuses.

A year ago, I was at a very depressed point in my life and started self-harming. It got to a point where I wanted to see a guidance counselor because I couldn't take it anymore. She was honestly the only adult I felt comfortable being honest with. After opening up to her, she recommended I go see a psychiatrist and give her the results so she knows what she's dealing with and will know how to help me. She had to call a parent about this but because my father is working abroad, she had to call my mom. But it wasn't a good idea to tell my mom because when she did, my mom thought it was POINTLESS. So my guidance counselor had to call my guardian, my oldest brother. Thankfully, he listened and took me to see a psychiatrist(it took him a few weeks though for him to finally take me to one.) Because I'm young, I needed to have a guardian with me when I go to see my psychiatrist, so I had both of my older brothers. I don't know if the psychiatrist even helped, I mean, she did help a bit with dealing with my mom but I already knew how. I've gotten used to it. I think it was better if I saw a therapist. I haven't been able to give my guidance counselor the results back because I thought I could handle things on my own, which obviously I'm not doing good at if I'm typing my life in an anonymous venting site😭🙏

Since then, I don't know why but I've felt drained from my own family. I looked up to my brothers but they barely talk to me. They barely helped me at all when I lived alone with my mom. I thought they would because they went through similar things as me when they were younger, but they never really did much. My oldest brother would pick me up and drive me to see a date or go to a sleepover so my mom won't follow and my other brother would help me with assignments I have struggles with but honestly that's it. I don't want to sound ungrateful and expect more from my brothers, I know how much they went through but I just wish they treated me like their little sister, someone who's struggling the same way they were.

I'm only ever in contact with them when it comes to something I need, whether it be picking me up or asking them to be my guardian for a school event. Hell, even when we go out for family dinners, with my dad or not, they still barely talk to me. A month ago, me, my mom, and my brothers went out to celebrate my reward for being an outstanding student but even then, they barely talked to me. WE NEVER EVEN WENT ANYWHERE BUT JUST ATE DINNER AT SOME YOGURT PLACE AT THE MALL AND SIT AT SOME MUSICAL SHOW WHILE MY MOM WENT TO DO GROCERIES??? It was supposed to be a dinner celebrating MY achievement yet they barely even acknowledged my existence. I had to cry in the public bathroom and go out there pretending like everything was fine. I don't even know if my brothers even care about me, I know they do but sometimes it feels like they don't.

I don't think they even care to notice I'm barely taking care of myself. Hell, my mom literally called my brother telling him that I haven't been eating anything for the past few days and he didn't think to even message me.

Honestly, the only person in my family who genuinely cares about me and my well-being is my father. Though not here a lot, he calls me asking if I'm okay. When he's home, he makes sure I eat properly and sleep properly. He supports me and wishes the best for me and for my brothers. He's the only person in my family who I can be myself to and feel comfortable with. He's the main reason why I haven't kicked the bucket during covid. It would kill me even more to know how painful it would be for my father if I killed myself.

Other than my father, I don't know how to feel about my family anymore. I told myself that they do care, but I'm finding it hard to believe that anymore.

Hey!

My buddy and I teamed up for a little venture and it turned out awesome. He’s ace at chitchatting and wheeling-dealing, plus he’s really into the great outdoors. Me? I’m the imaginative type, obsessed with the nitty-gritty and also a bit of a shy one when it comes to crowds. Following our project, my pal floated this great business idea. It’s pretty creativity-heavy, but it also involves a lot of person-to-person interaction and trekking around for supplies. After mulling over it, I chose to pass on the offer because, frankly, I'm not too keen or up for that kind of thing. I shared my reservations in a diplomatic manner, and he got it, though he’s not pursuing the venture solo as he feels short on the creative flare needed. Now there's this twinge of guilt in me. Did I mess up?

Imagine this scenario got aired on a reality show. How would audience react seeing me turn down the business offer? Probably, they’d have mixed feelings. Some might empathize with my need to stay true to my comfort zone, while others might view me as a hindrance to my friend’s entrepreneurial dream.

so i had a best friend, shes wonderful. but her BF broke up with her. after about a month she confessed to me and like all my previous relationships, to not hurt her (and because I love her, don't take it outta context!!!!), I say yes. half of the time when my gf talks to me its like either funny memes, relationship posts, or talking about mental health or just ranting about someone we hate. i want her in my life, shes amazing. i love her so much. but, I don't really understand love as a whole. but talking to me about mental health made me think of things that happened to me in the past, and I realized I don't know what I'm doing AT ALL. most of my personality is just other people and characters from fandoms and stuff, its almost pathetic. i never had a good romantic relationship growing up, my parents got divorced this October anyway, its hard, I love my GF, but I just cant figure out which feeling love IS. can someone help me? its just so confusing. i don't know my own personality or what love is as a whole, even though I have a girlfriend. i just need some advice

Okay, let's begin.

My family lives in poverty; we're not wealthy or anything like that, but we live well. That's in Colombia, and I won't go into those details. What happened is that a few hours ago, they realized I'm failing one subject at university, and they said I was the worst, a piece of trash, a bad son, a bad brother, a bad friend. They said all sorts of awful things to me, and it's made me feel terrible. My mother physically assaulted me and said it was my hair that was preventing me from studying well, that I just spend all my time playing around and don't do anything around the house, which is why I'm failing. I only said I missed an assignment and an online exam, not that I was going to fail the subject. I said I'm a good student, that I've always proven it; I've been the best for years. But that wasn't enough for them. They only care about a measly degree or a grade; they don't care about me at all. They told me I had to cut my hair as punishment, or else they'd throw me out on the street like a dog, and I said I wasn't going to cut it. Well, now They're packing their bags. I hope everyone has a good trip. I might never reply to any messages you send me. Goodbye.

PS: If anything is translated incorrectly, it's the translator's fault, not mine.

A few months ago, I faced something I never thought I’d have to deal with—trying to comfort my best friend after she lost her mom. It was sudden, a heart attack, and it left everyone in her family completely shattered. I remember getting the phone call and just sitting there in shock. What do you even say when something like that happens?

When I went to see her the next day, I froze at the door. I had all these things running through my head, but none of them seemed right. “I’m sorry for your loss” felt too generic. “She’s in a better place” sounded hollow. And “let me know if you need anything” felt like something people just say, but never follow through on. I stood there for a good five minutes, rehearsing words in my head, and none of them felt like enough.

Finally, I rang the bell. When she opened the door, I could see how much pain she was in. Her eyes were red, her shoulders slumped, and she looked like she hadn’t slept at all. I panicked and blurted out, “I’m so sorry.” She nodded and let me in without saying much. The whole visit, I kept second-guessing myself. Should I talk about her mom? Should I stay quiet? Was I making her feel worse?

At one point, she started crying, and all I could think to do was sit beside her and let her cry. I didn’t say anything. I just put my arm around her. And you know what? She told me later that was exactly what she needed—someone to just be there without trying to fix it or say the "right" thing.

That experience taught me a lot about what to say to someone who lost a loved one—or rather, what not to say. I realized that people don’t need clichés or advice in those moments. They don’t want to hear “time heals all wounds” or “everything happens for a reason.” Those words might come from a good place, but they don’t really help when someone is drowning in grief. What they need is for you to acknowledge their pain and let them feel it without judgment.

Over the weeks that followed, I tried to be there for her in small ways. I checked in with her often, even if it was just a text saying, “Thinking of you today.” I didn’t expect her to reply, but I wanted her to know she wasn’t alone. I also made sure to listen when she wanted to talk, even if she repeated the same stories about her mom over and over again. I learned that grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and people need to process it at their own pace.

One thing that really stood out to me was how much she appreciated when people shared memories of her mom. At the funeral, a mutual friend told a funny story about how her mom used to sneak extra candy into her kids’ stockings at Christmas, even though she’d pretend to be strict about sugar. My friend smiled—really smiled—for the first time that day. It was a reminder that her mom wasn’t just gone; she was still a part of all of us through those memories.

Now, when someone asks me what to say to someone who lost a loved one, I always tell them the same thing: don’t overthink it. It’s not about finding the perfect words; it’s about showing up and letting them know you care. Sometimes, saying “I’m here for you” and actually being there is more powerful than any other words.

Another thing I learned is that support doesn’t stop after the first few weeks. In the beginning, everyone rushes to offer condolences and bring meals, but as time goes on, people get busy with their own lives. That’s when the person grieving needs support the most. I made a point to invite my friend out for coffee or walks months after her mom’s passing, and she told me those little gestures made all the difference.

Looking back, I realize how much I’ve grown through this experience. I used to feel helpless and awkward around grief, but now I know it’s okay not to have all the answers. Sometimes, just saying “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you” is enough. It’s not about solving their pain—it’s about being a steady presence while they navigate through it.

If you’re reading this because you’re struggling with what to say to someone who lost a loved one, I hope this helps. Just remember, you don’t have to fix anything or make it better. Let them cry, let them talk, or just sit in silence with them if that’s what they need. Your presence alone speaks louder than any words ever could.

I'm almost 30. I swear I tried my absolute hardest to make a life for myself I wouldn't regret. I remember even from middle school age want to not-regret anything. I tried to make meaningful connections, do well in school, and be true to my desires.

I wanted a career I could be proud of, friendships and family I could count on, and most of all to fall in love.

I worked and worked and worked. I got into dental school and worked even harder. I hope you can understand how hard this was for me. I'm not naturally gifted. But I got through and graduated. I have at least a job now. I know that's good. But it's absolutely not enough. I thought if I fought my hardest I could make a life I love. But all I have is an empty life I hate.

My family cannot understand how I'm unmarried at this age. They are traditional and I have Indian heritage for context. My younger brother recently got married. After this my single status was very difficult for them to accept. I think now, they view me as unmarriable.

I have significant debt due to the cost of my education. I have full confidence I can pay it off within 4 years. But it is a constant source of stress for me.

I became very depressed during my education. And I have been diagnosed with major depression for 8 years. I did not take this lying down. I went to therapists. I'm seeing a therapist now. I've tried many medications. I've tried acupuncture, spiritual healing, and exercise/diet changes. But I couldn't shake it.

I have one good friend. But to be very honest with you they are someone who asks me for money consistently. I feel pathetic saying it, but it's the truth.

I think there is no escaping this terrible life. There is no chance for me to live happily now.

I know many many people are suffering in the same way I am. And my heart aches for them.

I want to know. Is there anyone who has been this low and found a good life after this? In my opinion, I am terminally ill and I fear there is no hope for me. I would appreciate any advice or perspectives.

so, I’ve been trying to wrap my head around this whole freelancing gig combined with building a SaaS platform, right? it’s honestly a mess. I’m 25, and not a developer at all, but here I am, thinking I can just roll up my sleeves, watch a few YouTube videos on how to build software with AI, and magically make it all happen; my girlfriend? yeah, she's not so supportive anymore. when I first told her I was going to dive into this thing, her eyes kinda lit up, but that faded quickly into this cold hard stare like she’s watching a train wreck in slow motion. she keeps saying things like, “you know, not everyone is cut out for this, and maybe you’re just wasting time and money.” and honestly, those words gnaw at me like a constant background static. it's amazing how someone you love can inspire both motivation and doubt at the same time. after binge-watching videos, you’d think I’d be golden; but no, it turns out that coding is like trying to learn a foreign language while climbing a mountain blindfolded! it’s not simple, it’s not intuitive, and sometimes I feel like the more I learn, the less I actually know. I keep telling myself, “there is no try, only do,” but is that even true? with everything from front-end user interfaces that need to look sleek to back-end architecture that needs to be solid, it feels like I’m trying to juggle flaming swords while blindfolded! the other day, I attempted to code this feature that I thought would be revolutionary, right? I’d been watching some tutorial on how to incorporate machine learning to analyze user behavior but when I finally tried to implement it, my code just crapped out on me; I didn’t just get an error, I got an existential crisis wrapped in a tech failure. I mean, seriously, who am I fooling? I’m sitting here staring at this screen like I’ve lost my mind, and the worst part? the more I dive into this, the more I can feel her doubts creeping in and sinking into my brain! it’s relentless! how do I prove to her—or even myself—that I can really make this work? every time I show her a little bit of progress, it’s like I can hear her inner voice saying, “great, another day wasted on a pipe dream.” but you know what? that’s the struggle of the freelancer, isn't it? constantly battling not just market competition but your inner demons and the opinions of those around you! and don’t even get me started on all the self-proclaimed “entrepreneurs” online spinning tales of their immense success one month after they started their business. do you ever wonder if some of them are just pulling a fast one on us? there has to be a good chunk of them who are just as lost as I am, right? sometimes I feel like I'm just another cog in a giant machine that’s destined to break down. I mean, come on! does anyone actually just pick up coding and have instant success? because if that’s the case, then I might need to re-evaluate my life choices! it’s not all sunshine and rainbows; it’s more like being trapped in a perpetual storm cloud that rains down self-doubt instead of water. while I keep pushing through these coding blocks and trying to keep my head above water, every notification I get seems like a reminder of how much further I am from any type of success. have you ever felt that way, where every step forward is accompanied by a hundred steps backward? do you think it’s just a psychological trick that our minds play on us? like the more you succeed, the more brutally aware you become of the uphill battle ahead? I even signed up for a few forums and groups, thinking I’d find solidarity or a little inspiration, but honestly, it seems like it’s just an echo chamber of complaints and failed projects; sure, there are success stories sprinkled in there, but a lot feel like gimmicks, you know? how do some people garner millions in funding while I’m just out here sweating over a simple AI-driven user interface? am I just a fool chasing after shadows, or can I actually turn this around?! sometimes I think I should just toss in the towel and get a 'real' job that pays the bills instead of this stressful rollercoaster ride of tech dreams and failures. it’s exhausting living on this edge of hope and despair every single day while I try to create something out of nothing. so what do I do? do I listen to my girlfriend and consider this a lost cause or do I forge ahead blindly into the chaos of the unknown, clinging to this idea that if I push hard enough, maybe, just maybe, I’ll find something worthwhile on the other side of all this mess?

My wife, Eliza, and I recently celebrated our 12th anniversary, and we're blessed with three loving kids. So far, none of them have their own smartphones, and about half a year ago, we gathered them to discuss safety tips, including what they should do if they ever found themselves in a pinch away from us. One vital piece of advice we agreed on was for them to memorize important phone numbers. To make it enjoyable for them, I introduced some flashcards with my number, Eliza's, and those of their grandparents. This memory game was quite effective for the kids.

During this exercise, it came to light that Eliza didn't know my number by heart, which troubled me. In fact, she seemed to have given up on memorizing numbers altogether due to reliance on her phone. When I insisted on the importance of knowing each other's numbers especially for emergencies, Eliza brushed off my concerns, claiming it as needless worrying. She even challenged me if I knew hers, which I did, along with several other family members'.

The importance of this knowledge was underscored a few weeks back. Eliza, who had attended a work function a good hour's drive from home, locked her purse—with her keys and phone inside—in her car. Stranded, she had to lean on a generous coworker who drove her home. We then had the entire family drive back with her to retrieve her locked-in items.

During our drive, the topic of her not knowing my phone number naturally came up. She admitted that if she had it memorized, I could have simply brought her spare keys, avoiding inconvenience for her coworker. The incident made her defensive, likely embarrassed, but I took it as a teaching moment. Reluctantly, Eliza agreed to memorize some numbers.

Given that we already had flashcards, I thought they would aid her as they had helped our children. Unfortunately, frustration ensued as all our kids, including our youngest at five, could easily recite the numbers while Eliza struggled. She proposed instead to pen down the numbers and store them in her purse, which I pointed out was futile if she were to lock it in her car again.

Eliza argued, claiming that memorization was outdated and unnecessary, convinced she could always "figure something out" during emergencies. I emphasized that such an approach was unacceptable for safety's sake. Our disagreement escalated, and she accused me of making a mountain out of a molehill and being overly forceful on the issue.

Had this scenario unfolded in a reality show, the deliberation over the importance of memorizing phone numbers could spiral into a full-blown drama-filled segment, with audiences possibly split. Viewers might engage deeply, debating whether the insistence on memorization is an overreaction or a prudent stand on safety. The emotional stakes would be high, showcasing vulnerability, frustration, and the dynamics of marital support up against technological dependency.

I love my parents like most kids. I’m 13, female. My mom, she’s strict but sweet. She always tries her best despite being tight on money, my dad is always there for me to talk to whether it’s about something stupid or deep concepts. My dad is silly and fun and while my mom is more laid back and strict on me I know she loves me and wants the best for me. They’re not bad parents but what’s really affecting me is their divorce. They’re got divorced a while ago, about 3 years now I think. Ever since then they still live in the same apartment, it’s my mom but my dad stays here. I don’t know why I think money reasons. Either way my dad gets really bad mood swings and easily gets angry. He’s also a bit paranoid I will admit. Recently my mom said we have to get our passports done again so we can go see my grandpa and in case I have any upcoming trips as I go into highschool. My dad for some reason was not happy about that. Usually they argue over text. While I’m still upset and can clearly tell when they’re fighting at least they keep it out of the hearing of me and my sister. It’s gone years since their last argument out loud. Today broke it. My dad yelled at my mom when she asked if he’d bring me to my tour of the highschool before my graduation. He said she was making him out to be a bad parent because he didn’t want to go and somehow that spiraled into how he didn’t want to get our passports done. He thinks my mom would take me in my sister away. She would never. I don’t know their thoughts but I KNOW my mom would never do that. They were yelling. It hurts to hear them yell. I wanted to cry but there’s nowhere I can be alone to cry because I share a room with my sister so I took a shower to cry in there. I was worried, am worried. Not about me. More about my parents and even more for my sister. She’s currently 10. She was 6 or 7 I think when she witnessed my parents get into their first and only physical fight, which was the breaking point of their marriage. It had been rough before then but that was what broke it. They had been screaming at each other and my dad accidentally pushed my mom into our room. I had been holding my sister on my bed and covering her ears, I was scared but I was more scared for her. I didn’t want her to have to hear that. But I only had two hand, not four and I couldn’t cover her eyes like I wanted. She was crying and she managed to break away to get to my mom and dad who weee struggling against each other. I was scared before and even more scared then. She was in the danger so I ran over and pulled her back so maybe she wouldn’t accidentally get hit. Ever since then whenever my parents fought out loud I’ve always been scared for her. How she felt, how would this effect her? I don’t even know if it does affect her, she always looks so neutral, maybe she’s used to it because she grew up in it. Either way I’m scared for her. I’m scared for my parents. I’m scared that they’re really going to break it off, that I’ll have to be moved around every couple days on a schedule between houses to be with them. I’m scared that it might get physical again. They’re divorced but they’re still living together, there’s nothing to stop that. If that happens could me and my sister not be able to see our dad again? Would the court think he’s not fit to be around us. I love my dad. I’m scared, so scared.

I still feel like Im the odd one out at college even though I've been there for 5 weeks now. I also hate college.

I feel so alone and I hate my life .

I was talking to someone from my old school on Monday and she said how was college going and I said it was going ok but only when the tutors are thire and she also said I seamed a lot happier. But I'm not any happier at college because I'm always having to fill out from about myself that they should all ready have.

I’ve been more “sad” recently, to the point people are noticing and calling me out for it.

Honestly it’s super fucking embarrassing hearing your extra help teacher asking, “Is everything alright? You look like something bad happened??”. And then your friends tell you you’re a “weird kid” and “your other friends think you’re weird” and those are the same people you’ve helped get real mental help…?

I don’t believe im a bad person..? I’m nice- I try to be positive in the worst of the times, but now I’m just free falling. And nobody’s here to catch me, like how I did for others. No one truly cares for me,..? And honestly it’s… fucking awful. It’s little things piling on top of each other. “You got 2 points off your quiz, maybe you should study more.” Okay that’s fair. “You got 85/100 what a joke.” It’s not even bad,..? I’m sorry you’re spoiled rotten, all those fancy fucking tutors and teachers outside of school, the way you go out to eat every week while I’m stuck eating the scraps. It’s not even that I’m fully mad about grades, it’s something deeper, NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH.

But one thing I’m so fucking mad and upset with myself with is that I ruined my school poem, I have such deep feelings I can’t get them out. I’ll attach it next.

Trees zipped by,

And rocks flung off the tracks

An unmistakable rhythm of a heart in my grasp,

With torn leather beneath me,

Shrieking breaks,

And murmurs.

My stomach was churning with anticipation,

And my heart stuck in my throat.

I crinkled the wrapper between my thumb and forefinger,

Soothing my frayed nerves,

Waiting to leave for the aquarium for the first time.

Excitement.

Excitement,

This is my excitement.

And it’s paranoia,

I overthink every little thing.

“What if I hate the fish? What if I get off at the wrong stop? What if-”

My thoughts were swirling together like debris in a tornado.

“This is supposed to be relaxing-”, I thought to myself,

The conductor cut off my thoughts with

his booming voice,

“Next stop, (blank) Station.”

I know I could’ve done better. I could’ve fucking made it perfect, but I would’ve crumbled if I did. And this isn’t just about fish, it’s about whether or not I’ll be able to be good. Good enough to be chosen. God this is so stupid.. this was really pointless but what I mean is that I’m so frustrated and sick of everything, the repeated failure.

(Context im a 13 y/o girl in 8th grade if it does anything.)

So I’ve posted about dropping my ex entirely and now that I’ve actually been trying to detach myself and eventually drop him, I’m still finding it hard. He’s treated me horribly but I’ve felt myself pitying him and I felt bad for him because of the things I’ve learned. The guy he used to date and still has feelings for id bet, doesn’t even like him as a friend anymore. Me and him (we are friends) were talking about our mutual ex and he even told me that he wishes I got out of that situation earlier because he knows what he’s like. But something about him losing everyone he cares about, makes me feel bad bc he’s running to me. But I know that it’s out of loneliness, not because he cares about me. Before anyone says I should ask him and be more understanding and compassionate towards him, he has assaulted me, taken shit out on me for situations that weren’t my fault, talked shit about me and was dumb enough to expose it, and left me during one of the worst times of my life. And yet I’m struggling to take the final step and block him and remove him for good.