Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Everytime I relapse I feel like the most pathetic and stupid person in this world

I never thought I’d be the kind of person to say this, but here I am, typing the words I’ve been too ashamed to admit out loud: I hate my wife. Even writing it feels wrong, like I’m betraying the vows we made on our wedding day. But the truth is, I don’t even recognize the person I married anymore—and maybe, I don’t recognize myself either.

We’ve been married for five years, and somewhere along the way, everything changed. It wasn’t always like this. In the beginning, she was my best friend. We laughed at the same jokes, stayed up late talking about everything, and I couldn’t imagine a life without her. But now? Now it feels like we’re just two strangers living under the same roof.

The little things started piling up first. She’s always criticizing me—what I wear, how I do chores, even the way I talk to people. It’s like nothing I do is ever good enough for her. Last week, I came home after a long day at work, and instead of a simple “hi,” she just started yelling about how I didn’t take the trash out the night before. It’s always something. And yeah, I get it, I’m not perfect. But does she have to make me feel like a failure every single day?

It’s not just the nagging, though. It’s how cold she’s become. We barely talk anymore unless it’s about bills or what’s for dinner. She spends most of her time scrolling on her phone or watching TV. I’ve tried to suggest date nights or even just going for a walk together, but she always has an excuse—too tired, too busy, or just flat-out not interested. It’s like she doesn’t even care about us anymore. And honestly? I’ve stopped trying because rejection hurts too much.

I hate how I feel around her now. It’s like walking on eggshells all the time, trying to avoid another argument. But even when I keep my mouth shut, she still finds something to be mad about. I’m starting to dread coming home because I know it’s just going to be more of the same. I feel trapped, like no matter what I do, I’ll never make her happy.

I’ve tried talking to her about it, but it’s like hitting a brick wall. Whenever I bring up how I’m feeling, she either gets defensive or turns it around on me. “You’re just overreacting,” she’ll say, or, “Maybe if you actually listened to me, things wouldn’t be so bad.” It’s like my feelings don’t matter to her at all. How are we supposed to fix this if she won’t even admit there’s a problem?

The thing is, I don’t want to hate her. I want to fix this. I want to go back to the way things were when we actually liked each other. But I don’t even know where to start. Sometimes I wonder if she hates me too, and we’re just both too scared to admit it. Is this what marriage is supposed to be like? Because if it is, I don’t know if I can do this for the rest of my life.

I’ve thought about leaving, but the idea terrifies me. What if I regret it? What if this is just a rough patch and we could’ve worked through it? Plus, there’s the guilt. I made a promise to her, to stay through better or worse. But how much worse am I supposed to endure before it’s okay to say enough is enough?

And then there’s the practical stuff. We’ve built a life together—shared bills, shared friends, and even a shared dog. Untangling all of that feels impossible. I don’t want to be the bad guy, the one who gave up on our marriage. But at the same time, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling this way.

If this was a reality show, I wonder what people would say about me. Would they see me as the villain, the ungrateful husband who can’t appreciate his wife? Or would they understand that I’m just a guy who’s trying to figure out where things went wrong? Honestly, I don’t even know what to think anymore.

If anyone’s been through something like this, how did you deal with it? Did you stay and try to fix things, or did you walk away? Right now, I just feel stuck, like no matter what I do, I’m going to hurt someone—her or myself. All I know is, I can’t keep living like this. Something has to change, but I don’t know if we can make it work.

I cannot tell if this guy likes me or if I'm being manipulated. We met online, came off flirtatious and I'm learning about him, says he cares more about personality than looks and says I have a good personality. He's one year older than me so that's good, he has a job, workouts, tall, emo. Ngl there are certain traits that remind me of this gross guy I knew but don't text anymore. Anyways he says I deserve the world, misses me, whatever kind stuff and then logs off. It could be because he's tired after work or if it's the weekend, then idk, could be gaming. I do think he has depression which is fine. We also talk about our day and some interests. He did text me on discord and the boys on there are....werid but he hasn't said anything sexual yet and it's been a few days so that's good. This is embarrassing that I'm even bringing this up but he's also matching with someone on Roblox, hopefully it's just his sister or friend. Idk, am I being love bombed? Am I apart of a roster? Am I just being extra careful because of my last experiences with online men and dating? Any insight is helpful 🖤🩷

I should also add that this isn't a straight or cis relationship. Idk, maybe that's helpful.

I have two sisters, and being sandwiched in the middle always puts me in the role of mediator. My older sister, Emily, faced a devastating loss in late 2022 when her 6-month-old son passed away from SIDS. Since then, she's been living through a grieving process that's nowhere near complete. My younger sister, Claire, is currently expecting her first child, a boy, and she recently confided in me about her plans for his name. When we were chatting at her place, she revealed she intends to name her son after Emily’s departed child, thinking it would be a beautiful tribute.

Claire was convinced it would be seen as an honor, but I instantly felt uneasy about it, knowing Emily would likely be heartbroken by this decision. I expressed my concerns to Claire, detailing that Emily might find this gesture not comforting but rather painful. However, Claire disagreed, dismissing my input as an overreaction.

Despite her intentions to keep it a surprise, I felt compelled to inform Emily, believing the potential emotional toll it could take on her was far too severe. Predictably, Emily was furious upon hearing the news. She felt that using her son's name was insensitive and too fresh a wound to touch. She was appreciative that I gave her a heads-up, admitting how damaging it could have been had she discovered it at the birth.

The confrontation between Emily and Claire was unavoidable. With the whole family backing Emily, Claire felt isolated and later called me, upset, accusing me of causing a rift between her and Emily. She was adamant about sticking to her choice, despite Emily’s pleas. Claire argued that seeing her new nephew carry on the name would eventually be seen as positive by Emily. I, however, couldn't align with her perspective and blatantly called her out for her insensitivity. This family drama escalated to accusations of me being the root cause of their conflict.

If this entire ordeal had unfolded on a reality show, I imagine the reaction would be pretty explosive, dominated by shock and disapproval from viewers. The tension and emotional complexity would certainly make for gripping television, sparking debates about family respect and boundaries in times of grief.

This is my first time posting here and I just want someone to hear me out. I still feel crap about it. Everything was too sudden for me, my kitten died and it is because of me. I regretted that I didn't give all the cat treats, all the foods he wanted, that I wasn't able to make him visit the vet again. Even though, I gave him a lot of love and attention, I still feel like it wasn't enough. I am fully aware that I lacked on everything. Everything hurts that I don't think I'll be able to do anything properly for the next days. I don't know if I will be able to forgive myself ever. Sorry for all the errors in my message or if it's confusing, I'm still crying sorry.

I don't know where else to vent, I feel like I've unloaded enough on a friend of mine and don't want to burden him any longer so...

My Grandma passed away not too long ago and there's some drama going on about the will. Apparently, some aunts and uncles have been manipulating Grandma to give them more things or be given things that other people have taken better care of. Like my cousin wanted to buy Grandma's house after she was moved out of it and she was willing to sell. But then some aunts got in her ear and made her make my cousin pay more for the house. One of the aunts said I would be named in the inheritance, my Mom thinks it's because Dad died and his portion would be split with his kids. She told me not to sign off on anything.

Then again I've heard her non-stop complaining about everything about Dad's side of the family which increased after he died. Pretty much have been discouraged from talking to anyone other than a select few she likes. Part of me understands considering some drama but also feel like she doesn't have the best judgement. She tends to talk down to me even though I'm an adult now and constantly calls me wet behind the ears even when I express interest in going outside my comfort zone and doing new experiences to be not so wet. But of course, she's the Mom and I'm the child so in her opinion she seems to know everything and she's always right, and I'm always wrong. When she asked for my credit card password and I said no she was all "Thank you for trusting me." But who in their right mind would share their credit card password with anyone? Who knows where that info will end up? Then there was the time in high school when I started having a tough time and asked if I could go to the doctor's to see if I had depression. But of course, she said no, I didn't have depression because I didn't act like she did when she had depression. Later I would get so nervous about school that I would get physically ill and I eventually called the doctor myself. And what do you know, I was prescribed anti-depressants. Recently, I was diagnosed with blood clots in my lungs but before that, I had a really bad cold that even took away my voice for a bit. But one night it got so bad I couldn't sleep and my chest was in serious pain. I had a bad feeling so I called 811, they suggested I get Mom to take me to a hospital. I tried to get her to but she refused, insisting it wasn't that serious. But it didn't get better and after half an hour I called a cab to take me to the hospital. There I was diagnosed with pneumonia and stayed there for just over a week, even spent two days in the ICU. When Mom finally came she was all apologetic but when I was checked out I learned she told relatives and friends the reason she didn't take me was because I wasn't clear enough. Even though both the 811 operator and cab driver saw it was urgent and that I was having trouble breathing. It was clear enough for them but not for her?

I believe she thinks I'm a goddamn idiot and so naive I need to have my hand held for every goddamn thing. If I could move out and cut out most people from the family I could but apparently I was hit with anti-employer spray because I can't get a job in my field to save my life. I feel useless but also feel like I could snap at any second. When I tell Mom how I feel, she turns it around and says it's my own fault for feeling that way. When I tell my siblings they either go on about how both sides are to blame or take Mom's side. The same Mom that screamed at them for other things, including one where she threatened to disinherit one of them from Dad's will for not doing what she wants. Granted it involved staying with a not-so-great romantic partner but her having a fucking meltdown only pushed that sibling further into the arms of the fucking creep so it took longer for my sibling to finally break it off with that jerk.

I do have a therapist that I talk to but he's not cheap and I leave still feeling furious. He does give good advice but I never feel myself in the right headspace to act on said advice.

It feels like I'm in a fucking soap opera only the people around me seem to think I'm oblivious to the whole shitshow. It feels like I'm one bad day away from exploding and I don't know how to defuse this timebomb.

Whenever I get depressed I want to cry but if I do I find myself wanting to drown in my tears all my life I've told to stop crying and toughen up. Is this fair to you? I can't help that I'm sensitive. I once didn't smile for a little while and I went pale to my friends bc I always would smile and be happy but how am I supposed to be when everything is after me

I used to believe that after my skin were nothing, hollow and I wanted to tear my skin out just to see if there were nothing or not, it wasn't really an utter belief but like 99% of it. I still believe it sometime, this skin doesnt feel human, they're not, too artificial to be one, im not human, but not a robot, im a doll, I act like one, its loose once you observe it. Slack if you notice. My mind is not of my own, it whisper to me with a languange i know and dont know, I have to decode quickly to understand. This body is clay, its not human, this body is a doll, its not a human, everybody feels like a doll but logic says differently but I dont believe what they say until I see the flesh, I NEED to see the crimson to believe it, will i? Or will I think its fake again? My "loved one" faces are different, distant and artificial, theyre not them, theyre not people I know. Observing further for more than 3 seconds break my perception of such experience, something beyond my consciousness is controlling how I see things, they want me to think that its them when its not, you can clearly see it, its so obvious! Yet I pretend to act for them, theres no believer here, only the theatre remained, the voice is like a machine repeating words my loved one said, the movement is too doll like to be an actual human, an animal doesnt move like that, i know that for sure! They move freely but my loved one does not? Its weird. The face, its like the fabric felt, its inhumane, everybody else doesnt have that, just my loved one, theyre not them. Somebody is trying to trick me, somebody not human, is it God? God won't do this right? Of course mercy is not bestowed upon me, but one will not give much more suffering right? I, am a sinner after all, yet I believe him, is that not enough? Is anything I do not enough? Everything i do is nonsense, my belief is just not enough for God to give me such presents. Surely, only the sinner will get such suffering, such immeasurable test are not for the loyal are they or does God think I can withstand such torment? Does he want me to bite my flesh off? See my own blood to see whether im genuinely human or not? Is it that? But the knife are scary, I cant even cut vegetables! Im scared but why such torment are to be upon me? There's no others reason except of insanity. The ringing calls me to do it, this body is not mine to control, i cannot do it, something preventing so, is it want to live? Is it not? You too shall question that should you but you dont, why be silent all of the sudden? You always talk in language I cant comprehend, or rather im not hearing you at all? How do I explain this in text? Another voice but incomprehensible unless I hear it yes! A subtle ringing in my ears, tell me opinion, debate with me, and sometime get loud, its clearly just thoughts, like im debating myself! Im not hearing things! Its only the conciousness beyond me, beyond my understanding of normality that tell me do so! And how coud i say no? Its going internally, its clearly not a hallucination!How long was it again 1 month? 2? 3? I don't remember the feeling of wanting to tore my skin off to prove to myself, an urge thats only controlled by distraction, incredible that I have stayed for that long without a scar is it not? Its coming back to me how strong that belief was, I still am in string with it, its not thoughts of 24/7 no but this skin is not what it is, its not biological, you cannot tell me it is, you think i havent tried grounding before? I have, i have, i have, nothing work and really what's the point? Does it matter really, I'll still be "alive" dont worry! Once I try you'll see there's nothing behind it, it act like plastic, is it supposed to be? I think so, im only using my fingers, theres no harm in doing so is it? There's nothing behind it, no blood so why would it damage such body? It may hurt, of course it would. I just taken my antiphyschotic after writing this.

You know. I have believed my attempt worked before too and this is all just purgatory. But that one was less convincing, the body part was really convincing though. The mirror me is different, im looking at stranger, THATS NOT ME, cant you see that? Look at it! The face is not even mine, that body is not mine, its a complete stranger i dont know. seometime i feel like the ringing might be God telling me to rip my skin off to see how he has made me as a sinner, he has me plastic because of my sins cant you see that? The ringing tell

me to end myself, i have indulged in too much sins they say.

It somehow comforted me, the question has been answered, I can lay in peace but can I?

God hasn't confirmed that ill lay as dirt, I'll do his command once I have confirmation

September 13

I’m currently sat at my mates and I feel a panic attack coming on and I don’t know what to do and my tics are playing up and I did want her to know so I’m js sat here trying my best stop a tic attack and I don’t know what to do can sm plz help me xx

I've been married to my husband for 20 years. That's a whopping two decades of sharing life, love, and endless bickering over the remote control. People often talk about empathy in relationships: being attuned to each other's emotions, understanding their partner's unspoken needs, and just generally being all-around mind-readers and soul-soothers. But here's the kicker—I sometimes wonder if I'm even capable of being a good partner, let alone some sort of empathic wizard.

What kind of empath am I, if at all?!?! I mean, sure, empathy isn't just about shedding a tear during a sappy movie or patting someone’s back when they're upset. It's deeper, more subtle, and hey, pretty demanding. The truth is, I’ve spent ages trying to wrap my head around it. Am I supposed to have a PhD in psychic vibes, or what??? My husband, bless his soul, always says I’ve got a knack for tuning into his feelings.

But here's the rub—I don't feel it. It's like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle with pieces that refuse to fit. I don't always get when he’s mad until he’s loud enough to startle the cat. Does this mean I’m emotionally tone-deaf? I read somewhere that "true empathy involves standing in someone else's shoes." What if I'm over here wandering around barefoot because I can't find the damn shoes???

So, I'm throwing this out there—am I alone in this empathy-challenged boat? Who else is grasping for straws in the feelings department? Please tell me I’m not the worst wife on the planet. After all, we've made it this far, and that counts for something, right??? Maybe being an "empath" is overrated, or maybe I just need more hands-on training. But hey, they say awareness is the first step, right? Maybe there's hope for me yet. Stay tuned.

Back in mid 70 my family had a reunion. About 60 to 70 people came. Unfortunately, dressed in those uniforms the uncles insisted I become a member of their party, sleep with the officers and become an assassin. No Way! I haven't seen my family in 50 years! Now I have stage 4 cancer I long to see some of them. No children. No husband.

Hi,

Today is May 16, 2025.

I've tried to ignore my feelings for a very long time now, I've been struggling between different situations, and I'm not sure how long would I be able to keep it up.

It is like today, all the bad feelings impregnated to my brian, are taking over my head.

Today, I feel ugly, fat, not a very successful person, I feel stuck, I'm not progressing, I feel lonely, I'm not a valuable person.

I feel insecure when I look myself in the mirror, I see an ugly person, like there is nothing I can do to change that, I don't like people to stare at me, as I feel, they are disgusted of what they are seeing. I'm financially broke, I have only enough money to eat and basic necessities.

In my job, I feel helpless, a nuisance. It is something new, so I don't have the skills required to execute in that role, but no one is helping, I don't like to bother my colleagues, but I don't understand what I'm doing. I tried to applied for a different job, but they are not contacting me, they are not interested in me, I've received only rejections (another thing to add to make me feel less valuable).

I work from home, so I don't really have so many people I can speak to, it is very difficult to see my few friends, and my sister is always busy, and I don't really like to bother them with my problems.

My spouse doesn't help me either, he doesn't make me feel supported. I feel stressed out around him. He doesn't make me feel loved. I feel he likes to control us and impose us, otherwise, he will get mad, start yelling and insult us, not only me, but my kids too. How I'm capable to tolerate this, what's wrong with me? There are some things we both like, like the music, anime, cinema, technology, but we lack some others, like the adventure, to know new places, to get to know new people. I know we are different people, and we are not supposed to like the same things, but I consider these things very important in my life. When we go vacationing, it turns very uncomfortable, because he begins to see negativity in people and place, he starts making a fuss over a simple thing, which makes me feel uneasy, I've decided not to go with him anywhere. He tries to minimize my older son (who is not his biological son), always highlighting his flaws, making him feel stupid, or useless. Actually, he tries to minimize everybody. I'm trying to understand him, because he had a very difficult childhood (abandonment), but I feel it is not fair for us to tolerate his behavior. I'm not sure if I should leave him, as I know even thought, I'm financially broken, he helps with the house bills and some of the chores.

My mother suffocates me too, she has been always controlling my actions, my motherhood, my adulthood, she doesn't let me be. I think I married, so I could scape from her, controlling my life. My mother was always at home to raise us, so she didn't have like a real social life, besides my siblings and me, so she spoiled us so much, mostly my little brother (who doesn't work nor study), and that's what we are afraid of my sons, as they are so spoiled by my mom. When I try to make distance, she makes me feel guilty for leaving her, for ignoring her. Like I'm attacking her. I'm not sure it was because of her, that I have so many insecurities, and complexities. She was always controlling my father, because my father was and still is a cheater and a sexist, but they are still living together, tolerating each other.

Could this be the reason I'm tolerating my husband too?

Am I guilt of my whole situation?

I don't feel good about what I've achieved. At the cost of scandals and failure, I've made friends, my father succumbed to giving me money, to having everyone under my thumb, and it's very unpleasant. I don't like being on top of the world. How can people find that funny? I don't find it funny at all.

They always make up any excuse to accept the fact. I mean, they do everything, they knock down expectations for whatever reason, and as a result, they fall flat. However, if it's someone who respects them, then no. They kick the guy, they do everything to him, they demean him. I was in this guy's shoes. Why? The world seems upside down.

I don't like the way things are. I went crazy with a girl, and now she's accepted me on Instagram. I was rude to a girl, and she reacted unconditionally. These are just some examples. I called my father shit, and now he's opened up. All of them in an effort to do things right, to avoid disappointing me.

Why should I make a fuss to gain respect? I don't think this is in any way a measure of self-respect; I don't like it this way. I feel like everything should have been carried out calmly, but I'm already worried that things aren't going to happen this way. On both sides, it's detrimental to my health, except that if I make a fuss, I get social approval. In other words, what I'm doing to myself becomes more unconscious.

I don't feel right. Frankly, I wasn't taught to put this into words. I was always taught to boast about it. I feel like I'm on a kind of throne from which I want to step down. I don't know how some people can tolerate being at such heights. Why do we fight to be there? It doesn't feel good at all. I feel like I'm a kind of tyrant, and justified, too. I don't know; it's a feeling that I'm being led to my own death.

When they were bad, at least they gave me the chance to escape from what was affecting my health. In this case, when they are good, the chance is smaller; I feel restrained, forced to comply, and to continue harming myself. I feel I was better off in the first case, where I saw how people, under their freedom, appreciated my respect. In this moment, when they are no longer under the same deception, I only see a downright lie, an even more selfish desire to please me. In the previous case, this is not the case.

How ironic the way things are. I, who deep down so much wanted to be one of those who had others at their feet, a whole world supporting me, find that no, that in the end, such a world is nothing more than a lie. And now that I think about it, I think it's crazy to think that there will be many who are good to you and few who aren't. I think this is a bad sign, but the opposite is true, when we act in the name of respect, justice, and also peace, which I believe not everyone knows how to navigate in such a terrain.

In short, if everyone likes us, then they're not seeing us because, in principle, not everyone has the time to see us in detail. It seems like those exceptions are miraculous because if they see us, even if it's in a detached way, in contrast to the others, it just allows them to visualize things. When a few people like us, then they do look at us, but at least they do so in profound detail, while the majority, it seems to me, usually don't see us and therefore act with a certain indifference. However, all of this is within limits; that is, I'm speaking of a good case, a case with details, of a majority that isn't violent and of a few who are so little fanatic; it can't be the other way around either. I feel that when we reach extremes, there's only so much trouble in our lives, regardless of the modus operandi of the majority and the minority.

I don't feel it's right—I'm thinking of some kids who remain distant when I greet them, and when I say goodbye, too, and I don't like that; I feel like I'm adapting to something I don't like. I feel like I'm abandoning that kid who felt others treated me unfairly. However, it seems to me to be the right thing to do because I rightly saw others' treatment as unfair when in fact it was the opposite. What else are people going to do? How many have had the opportunity to appreciate what respect is? I prefer to wander through life and find someone who, in fact, sowed such a question and reaped the same rewards. I think I should give myself the opportunity to find tremendous treasures and also give hope that it can be done to those who have been in my shoes.

I don't know why I feel like I'm thinking in a haphazard way. I can't really organize my thoughts. It just happens that I feel like there can't be a precise rule or something like that. Maybe I'm looking for ways, references, to get to know people. I feel a bit confused. I was never taught to understand how to understand Including people in my life. It was all about working with what I'd already done, with what was already there, but never forging new relationships. My parents didn't have the capacity; they scared them away. In fact, they managed to scare me away. I think my parents succeeded, or the best they could do, was to distance themselves from me, as was the case with my family in general, because I felt they wouldn't appreciate me. I don't know, I don't feel healthy, or entirely sane with these words, but well, speaking at length is a start.

I insist, everything feels confusing. I feel like maybe I'm using those filters my parents taught me to have people by my side. I feel like everything I've said, as funny as it may seem, I don't like it, I don't feel it's appropriate, but maybe it is. I don't know how to go out into the world. The successful things I have as a reference for going out into the world are people who were like a kind of wolves, perfectly selfish people who achieved great success among the masses. I feel like maybe some of that has rubbed off on me, or maybe not. I don't know, but I don't feel like I know who I am, specifically, because I feel like I haven't fulfilled my role, either with my family or with those people, but with myself.

I'm noticing that when I don't fulfill my creative goals, I don't like it; people reject it fiercely. But when I do, I feel like I don't know who I am. I don't find myself in others, and I was taught to find myself through others. By the way, I don't know when to go to a psychiatric emergency room. The thing is, there are no emergency numbers in my country, and I think that's the first thing I want to discuss with my therapist. I can't always be perfect, and I feel like I sometimes fall apart. I don't have their number and no one else to turn to. I also don't know how to manage my current situation with what I have. I know what I have is useful, but I don't know how or what things. I feel like I'm really fading precisely because of this belief that I find myself through others. Also, I don't want to create a personality, an imposed concept, because I feel it's limiting, it doesn't allow me to broaden my horizons, or well, at least not in terms of what could describe a process, a continuity.

I don't know what's happening to me, honestly. I feel like I'm more processing who I am right now, ceasing to see myself in the past.

I’m young, but not young enough where I’m selfish or make fun of kids. But I’m not grown enough to do things without being told “your way to young to be even thinking about doing something like that”. But I have a massive heart. I really hate it sometimes, for example, this one kid, small about 4’11 maybe shorter, super skinny, red head, loves dinosaurs and kid things, (he’s around 11-13) his heart definitely hasn’t even been scratched. Super sweet kid, mostly quiet, reminds me of my younger siblings. I was volunteering at a school musical and he was there. First couple days he didn’t have a lunch or dinner ( the musical stayed from 3pm-7pm and dinner was at 630pm and we left at 7pm) he always looked so hungry and was always eyeing everyone’s food like he was starving, I felt so bad I started crying and I felt so bad even though I had nothing to do with it. Then his parent didn’t pick him up (I leave at 8pm) and I felt so bad. Like my heart was aching so badly for him. He looked so sad and disappointed that no one picked him up yet. I feel so bad for him and want to help him or eat lunch with him or get him lunch. But I act all tough infront of my friends and I just can’t bring myself to help or do anything. He’s a super sweet kid and I just wanna give him a huge hug.

I love my gf she texts me mid game and i feel special