Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

my head hurts, I'm dizzy, I can barely breathe. I don't think I'll be able to stomach food, and I can barely swallow the special water my mom gives me every day. I draw a lot, but today the only thing I was able to draw today was Jason Voorhees because of the mask. I feel weak. Mentally and physically. Only 8 days into high school and it's already taking its toll.

Do you hear it, Bowie? The ringing. You've always been here. You can't leave.

I wasn't exactly sure what category to put this story in. I'm not exactly dating these people, and the reasons for that are super complicated.

My ex, Gunner, made me feel horrible. He said he couldn't date me because of my multiple personalities, which I get, I have mood swings, but I'm pretty sure what he was experiencing was just emotions. And also because I was adopted, I was "taken out of my natural habitat and who knows what I'd do." Which was said by Gunner's mother. Me and Gunner had only been dating for a week. I had to watch him date another pretty girl, who he stayed with longer than me. Me and Gunner only lasted a week, but we'd been talking for a month. After they'd broken up, she had a similar experience, saying he was extremely racist to her, and didn't want to be with her because her anxiety was something he couldn't "handle".

I sometimes wonder if maybe it is me who is doing something wrong. I know Gunner and me just weren't meant for each other, and I know something is wrong with him because I talked to Valeria (His ex). Gunner went around saying I was a bad kisser, which I know for a fact isn't true. He just needed something to around talking about, even though he'd broken up with me because of my background...? He's not fooling anyone.

A few months ago, I was talking to this boy named Jeremiah. We were good friends before we started talking, and my sister is the one who decided I should try to get with him. We'd only been talking a week before he ghosted me, and stopped talking to me. I heard from my sister, who promised that Jerry wasn't going to be like my ex, he said he "just wasn't feeling it."

We were talking today in pottery, when he told me that he thought I hated him. The way I heal is: I totally ignore the person while I cry and be sad over them. That's just how I am. Yeah, I see that as a red flag, but I can't help caring for someone I think cares for me too.

He told me today that I wanted to have a friends with benefits situation, and his friend Ethan started yapping about it, and telling Jerry how good of an idea it was. I just sat there. I know he's just going to use me with this whole benefits thing. And the reason I say "use me" is because that's what he's doing.

I had just gotten out of talking to someone, which only lasted a week. Wow, are you guys surprised? What's the pattern here? Hmm...

This guy's name is Tanner. Tanner and I have known each other since the seventh grade. He told me he's liked me since last year, but then just on Saturday, told me he's lost feelings for me. Okay, but how do you lose feelings that fast? It was clearly lust, not love. And he's been waiting to do stuff with me for a year, it's obvious. At first, I was so happy he liked me! Then, I heard the stories of him getting with girls, and as soon as he got what he wanted, ghosting them. Did I listen? No. I gave him what he wanted... I'm sure you can image what I mean. And, he ended up leaving anyways. Then, to make matters worse, I saw him, the next day, with his hand between Cory's thigh. Holding her hand in the halls, looking at her like he looked at me. Like he really likes her. Like he really liked me.

So, when I say that Jerry is using me, it's because of what happened with Tanner. Literally a month ago, this boy whom I really liked, we "did it" but I'd only done it because I really like him, and I thought, if I did it, he would like me too. But, he didn't. It was really sad, because like everyone else, he ended up ghosting me too. Guess how long we'd been talking! A WEEK!!!

So, remember when I said it must be me who's doing something wrong? That's because of things like this! It must be my fault! I was talking to Jerry today, and he said Tanner broke things off because I'm too nice.

Guys, my love language is physical touch, and gifts. Tanner told me he didn't like me anymore, according to Jerry, because I'm too nice. I'm too nice? What? That's ridiculous. I know I can trust this source because him and Tanner are best friends.

Oh, and also, when Jerry was talking about that dumb friends with benefits thing, he said that if it did happen, he couldn't tell anyone, and that it is supposed to be secret. So, wait, he wants to do it with me, but I'm not allowed to talk about it?

It just shows he's literally ashamed to be with me.

All of this has been hurting my mental health. It's coming to a point where I feel kind of insane? And it's not like I'm doing it on purpose, I just really don't know if I can handle my heart being messed around with. It's only been a couple weeks that this has happened to me. I hate going around from guy to guy, but I'm also tired of being played.

That's not even the worst part about this.

I can't even tell anyone about this, which is why I'm glad there are sites like these...

So, we all know - lots of teens have Snap chat. I've been talking to this guy on snap, who actually just recently told me his age today. I guess it's kinda creepy because all along I've thought he was my age. He told me he was going to buy me a bunch of stuff, and that he loved me, and that we were going to get married.

Okay, so what's the problem, just block him! RIght?

Right.

I wish I could say that it was actually that simple. It weird. I know he's mentally ill, because he's 39 and I'm 15. But I just can't ignore him. It's not hurting me to say goodmorning to him, right? And besides, he listens to me. It's not like he's asked for my address, or for me to send to him, so he's not harmful. And although its really weird, and you guys probably think it's gross, its not like he's grooming me, right? And, sadly, I really like the attention. It would never work, because he's like 23 years older than me, but it's kinda nice he's the only person who hasn't made fun of me for being, well, me.

And I know he says I'm his fiance, and he'd do anything for me, and he wants to come see me in June... but I can't let him go. I do that, and I'm just as bad as all the guys at my school who are trying to ghost me. Why can't we just find people who like me for me? Who want to be with me? I want someone who wants to be with me, all the time. Who can't stand to be with out me. Who likes to hang out with me, who will let me braid their hair, laugh with them, has jokes, good style, can help me with my homework. Someone who won't leave just because, I have a good butt (Which was said by my friend Daryl who just wants to do me too) or because they just weren't feeling me, or because I'm adopted or well...

Because I'm too nice.

You see, cuz my parents are getting tired of me. They don't really care what I do anymore. But it's sad, because at these moments all I need is my mama. We found out that she might have cancer. I don't know if I'm glad, or if I'm scared. Why would I be glad? Because I was almost taken from her because of abuse. So why do I want her? Where was my bio mama when I needed her? Lynda was there for me, not Dominique. I've started taking pills again, sleeping more, smoking, eating less. I actually hate sulking around all the time and hating life. But, when you've been spit out and thrown away like a wad of ABC gum, I can't held but feel how other people treat me. And I wonder, does Cory even see how she looks? Getting with someone who does things with girls and then dips?

Or maybe she's blinded by love, like me.

Well, I'm rambling now. But you all get the point.

So what do I mean it's going to be the last?

The last time I ever said I love you ever again.

Because no one ever deserves my love.

And no one ever will.

hi uh I dont know why I decided to do this bc all I wanted to do was vent to someone but I wish I could just go back to therapy. but um basically I have been having some problems with my dad since I was about 10 (I'm 13 btw) uh sometimes it would just feel like he wouldnt listen or pay any attention to me and I feel like sometimes he just picks on me I guess.. uh this week I have been non stop thinking about why he hates me bc all this week before I go to bed he says something that just makes me break down or sometimes have an anxiety attack but its ok uh bc I have my mom I guess who is barely home enough for her to protect me from my dad bc she has work she always has work and I'm always just sad I'm always sad and my dad just makes me just flat out depressed I've tried therapy but I just couldn't speak about it bc she thought I was there bc I joked on a ai chat abt kms bc I wanted food bc I was starving and I didn't eat that day and my dad told me to WAIT so he could finish cooking dinner and wouldn't even let me have a snack. recently I've been just crying myself to sleep bc it feels like he hates me and I don't care anymore I hate him and I hope as soon as I get to the age I have enough money to move out.

Today, after days and years of unknowingly dealing with the worst yet the most trusted people in my life, I've decided once again to just let go of my attachments towards them. I don't know, I wouldn't want to call them my parents anymore but I guess this is almost a small letter to them. I will not say sorry, because everything happened, not because of me but because of them carelessly making me. I may have grown into a "bad" person but I belive I've had enough. Because of this, I don't know how I'll ever get to go to college. Eitherway, I will try to learn making a business, maybe through digital products. If all else fails, I'll just either become a nun or convert to Buddhism and become a monk. I may not be heavily religious but I do believe in spirituality..does that make sense? To me, a God does exist, but it all jsut depends on us on how we view them, whether they be many or just 1. Sorry for yapping but these are my thoughts right now in living. Seriously. My dream for getting a "great" and "amazing" education is over. It was never my first dream so I guess it's been short lived. Instead, I can finally have chances to actually try other risky jobs..like journalism..the arts.. Film..all expensive if I had to take courses in uni for them but if all I can definitely jsut into any of these fields and still survive. Wow.. Life can take you anywhere, and I'm afraid I might even become dirt poor if I'm not too careful.

I feel like today was a day of hell. Everything was so disorganized. I felt like I was skipping work since I only showed up two out of three days this week. I don't want to show up on other days, but I feel a very uncomfortable level of responsibility, especially when it comes to birthday celebrations and other things. I don't want to attend celebrations; I'm there to do a great job, not to integrate in such a friendly way. I like my solitude.

I feel like I regained my solitude today. I don't know, I felt like I was getting my life back after a long time. I don't like the country I live in; there are difficulties and so on, but I feel like everything is bearable. I had to manage the psychiatrist in detail; she was influenced by my father, as I thought. She took it seriously, thank goodness, that I didn't stop the treatment; I feel good because she's attentive and also, she admits, the effect of my routine on the healing of the issue. I feel very valued by the psychiatrist, but it's difficult for her; nevertheless, we're on the journey together. It's not the best I ever hoped for.

For some reason, I feel like I've returned to normal because I feel like I can tolerate the world as it is, imperfect from my perspective and like everyone else's. I feel like I can tolerate everything now, and I'm happy about it. I was also happy to see my stepmother and her father. I don't know, all in all, I had a normal day and I was able to tolerate it well; I didn't expect that. Maybe it's because I was also able to get away from the psychiatrist and her influence. Seeing that we were able to handle ourselves, I feel like everything is fine now. It was always my life's goal to be able to manage with a psychologist, or a psychiatrist. I felt welcomed back into the world, into society itself.

I have to confess, out of all this adventure I went through, I feel like I finally got what I wanted. To be able to deal with a therapist, to work as a team in some way, not just one person on one side and me on the other. That's why, I confess, my dental treatment didn't work, in any way, that was it. Since I left my therapist, I felt like the world had turned its back on me because there was no way out of my environment; that's how I understood it. Feeling like I've finally entered, entered the world, is simply fantastic, sensational. I feel like I can walk the streets again completely normally, tolerate the day, write many things, many ideas, but always with the feeling that my efforts in mental health, if they're welcomed by anyone, well, actually by everyone now, but mainly by those who consist of the mental health aspect. That support, that verification, makes me feel like I'm on the right track, or at least, seen by someone beyond myself, and I like that, I have to confess.

I have to confess it. I feel like that was the cure for my entire illness. Just that. I feel like I'm finally believed, taken seriously, that I see beyond, that I can handle the treatment. That I can finally handle treatment, that I'm taken into account within it, that I, as a patient, deserve respect for myself and my processes—I finally achieved that. I have to confess: The only cure was having someone check on me with my mental health, working as a team. That was it. I can't do that with anyone in my circle, because no one takes care of their mental health, that's the pure truth. So, it's feeling an immense burden.

I feel that the cure, moreover, was always returning to a mental health professional, but one that truly exists. That they don't abandon you, that they're not a scam, that they don't leave you stranded, that they don't act on behalf of others but on behalf of you, that there is a therapy given for me, given by another, that you can be supported by another. Not help, I didn't want help, support, support to keep me going. That was all I needed to get back to life, to go back to my life as before. That was it. Not someone coming and doing my job. The fact that I can't do it, that was the worst part. That's why dental treatment became pure hell for me. I understand everything now.

How difficult was this for those around me? A little support, so I could do my thing my way, without changing my routine unless it was for support. This, I insist, and I think it sums it all up, was the cure. A feeling that my life could be accepted by others based on my well-being and not theirs, and even so, it produces well-being for them, perhaps not giving them what they want, but by setting an example of being in context and not unconsciously destroying a world in unrecognizable ways. How difficult was it for everyone to see that? It was too simple. How hard was it to find a psychiatrist? Too hard. In the end, he was the only savior of everything because he was the only one around me who could do that. Does that make sense? That he's the only one? The problem with the psychiatrist is that everyone had the blessed humility to say they didn't know how to treat me. But was there any? Barely one and a half people, although my mental health was pushed aside during treatment. How difficult was it for others to see that? Honestly, the dental treatment was the least of my worries, from every point of view. Rightfully so, and I understand wholeheartedly, I ended up exploding at everyone.

Ironically, right now, the psychiatrist is the one putting the pieces together. She barely does six minutes of treatment, and she does so much more than the others. In addition to one person, whose example lifts heaven and earth and changes my life. From the smallest details, I categorically say, these people saved my life. In the dental service too, listening to me for a while, playing for a while, caring for me, being present, making the effort. That also did something very meaningful for me, and I'm not going to just give up. I can't do it. Also, damn, another doctor who supported me with the psychological aspect took it seriously, and in a way that I didn't get carried away with illusions. That one also deserves my award. These people, who did something, because those who operated didn't do a thing, except move some teeth with sophisticated and useless methods because they didn't attack anything, I can't let them be left aside in any way.

my boss texted me this holiday at 7am!! just asked me to send a quick message to an agent and this exchange lasted for roughly 10minutes. now Im just worried that if I keep doing this, then it will not only be 10minutes but hours someday. I dont know if its okay to oblige to requests like this on a holiday even if it took me only 10minutes to talk with the agent. is it okay to accommodate simple requests like this if you are on vacation? my boss tends to scold us in our group chat if we dont respond immediately and attend to matters. to be honest, the message wasnt even urgent at all. its a national holiday and everyone is on vacation!!

Honestly I’m in a bad mental state. I’ll admit it. I’m splitting while writing this.

It’s been years, years of smoking, weed, and arguments. And I’m so fucking sick of it. Sick of the way my nose burns, chest tightens, and my fists clenching. And before you question, “is this you smoking?” No, it’s my parents.

I’ve told them for YEARS I hate that they smoke, and I told them to not do it around me or I’ll yell at them. I think it’s pretty fucking clear I hate it??? I’ve told them to their face, but they fucking LAUGH. It all stems to when I was 6 ish, caught them in the bathroom smoking weed from a bong, breathing it out into the vents.

{present day, I’m 13.} I walk into the house after being gone for 4 hours, walking and playing with these dogs right? I open the door and walk up one step. It smells like FUCKING WEED. Smoke all around the fucking house. I’m already livid, I’ve told you 73 times. Isn’t that enough..!? And yes I’ve kept count because I’m petty as fuck. So i immediately say “I’m not doing this.. I’m just gonna go back.” And then my dad stops me like “I didn’t know you were coming back.” OF COURSE YOU DIDN’T!! EVEN THOUGH I TOLD YOU RIGHT BEFORE I LEFT??? DOES IT JUST GO THROUGH YOUR LEFT EAR AND PUT YOUR RIGHT? Anyway. So yeah. I was mad. I had the right to? So I stormed to my room as I’m so sick and tired of this addiction they have. Are they trying to make me like my sister? Make me addicted at 13 like her?

Before you feel sympathy for my dad, look at my other stories before commenting. Anyway cut my mom some slack.

I’m a teenager, not older than 17.

My mom and my grandma both vent to me and they both don’t even face each other because of my mom and her boyfriend. It feels like there’s no privacy because my mom is always on face time with her boyfriend, HAS to show her face, HAS to have this camera on in her room even despite being face time, and HAS to show what she’s doing. (For more context her boyfriend put a camera in her room that’s “disguised” as a clock but my mom told me the truth of what it is.) She even uses the bathroom while he’s on face time, drives when he’s on face time, and even when she’s with me. He may not be there physically but he’s always on the phone or on FaceTime with her. It sucks because I feel like I can’t talk to my mom about personal things and I’m still just a kid growing up, learning how to cope with my own emotions. It makes me wish I had someone to go to, I don’t have my father because he’s not emotionally / mentally there for me. With my mom and grandma venting to me and my grandma talking about my mom behind her back to my homeschool teacher it makes me feel overwhelmed and stuck because I found out my grandma is kicking my mom out the house so my mom and her boyfriend can just live together because my my grandma said “your mother brings problems to the house” problems as in my moms boyfriend. It’s a whole situation that I’m not gonna get into. But I’m stressed out, my therapist appointment was canceled because my therapist is sick and I feel like I don’t have anyone to go to because my mom is always on the phone whenever I try to talk to her and I can’t go to my grandma because she’s gonna use my words against my mom or she’s gonna tell her other kids (she constantly gossips which makes me feel like there’s no privacy there either.) I just wish my family was normal and didn’t feel like it’s falling apart.

I feel like no matter what I do I'm just never good enough. and I try so hard and that's the part that hurts so bad because all I do is work work work and it seem like no matter how much advice take or "constructive criticism" they throw at me Im just never good enough for them whether it's gymnastics singing dancing acting I'm just never good enough I just felt like a disappointment . I have parents to support me and ridicule me at the same time and sometimes I just want to run away and never come back I wish I could but I'm not going to I just want to feel free and sometimes I don't feel me anymore I remember when I was younger and being The Golden child wasn't so bad but I'm supposed to be perfect in whatever I do and when I'm not and I cry because I feel like I have to be they tell me not to and that is not that big of a deal but then at the same time they keep telling me that it is.im going insane I just wish I was better at venting my feelings to the people that I know but when I try to so hard but I think that's all I have right now because I've been crying all night and my head hurts so bad. bye darlings have a good day

sincerely,

Melody (13 f)

I’ve always been somewhat paranoid about food hygiene – blame it on years in food service plus childhood memories of getting sick from our granny’s meals. My partner, however, tends to dismiss my concerns about food safety, only really embracing the culinary arts himself the last few years. Although he’s pretty competent, he occasionally disregards my cautious food advice, opting instead to trust the general advice online, which tends to annoy me.

A couple of weeks ago, while we were putting away groceries, I noticed that one of the bottles of sauce didn't look quite right—it was unusually dark and the oil had separated. I suggested he take a picture, request a refund, and discard it. Although he agreed that something seemed off, he just put it back on the shelf. Over the next several days, I mentioned the sauce a few times, concerned that he had not yet thrown it out. After some repeated discussions, I gave up.

Then, out of nowhere, he messages me to say he had to stop working due to vomiting. He hardly ever gets ill, so I immediately worried. It turned out he had consumed the suspicious sauce and was suffering the consequences. Despite my frustration, I helped him settle down with electrolytes and his video game, mostly because I had a doctor’s appointment the next day which he’d promised to attend with me, and now everything seemed more complicated.

Thankfully, he recovered quickly—fast enough to accompany me as promised. However, as he was feeling better and began to prepare himself something to eat, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut any longer and pointed out that this incident wouldn’t have happened if he’d heeded my initial warning. This sparked a bit of a heated debate where he insisted it was just a bad luck incident, while I felt vindicated in my caution.

Now, we’re locked in disagreement; if you think I was harsh for confronting him when he was nearly recovered, I’m prepared to say sorry. If not, I stand by my stance.

One has to wonder how this episode would’ve unfolded if it were being filmed for a reality show. Imagine the dramatic zoom-ins and suspenseful music as I inspect the sauce and declare it bad, cut to him eating the sauce against a backdrop of ominous tunes, and then the inevitable 'I-told-you-so' showdown. Would the audience side with me, or see my nagging as over the top?

My intelligence is in decline, and it shows through my dropping grades and my sudden inability to form a single thread of rational/coherent thought, nonetheless converse properly with others. This might have been because I withdrew myself for the past few years, isolating myself from all social contact like a fool because I couldn't handle relationships anymore and pitied myself for being part of a broken home---it might've been because all the pain I felt back then messed up my brain.

I can't think clearly anymore, and my head feels stuffy all day every day; it doesn't stop. I've said so many hurtful things to this girl I recently came to care about, because I didn't realize what I was saying as my brain short-circuited every second and automatically rushed to the first (and often inappropriate) thing that came to mind. I'm so frustrated with myself right now. Before my withdrawal I used recognize and manage people's emotions really well and be able to navigate my interactions with others with a degree of emotional intelligence; now I'm simply an airhead who's too stuck up in the clouds to concentrate on her words.

I also used to excel in school and was basically the "smart kid" in class. Now I've built up a reputation of holding her head in front of the whole class, crying, "I'm sorry; my brain is short-circuiting"; stupidly staring at her textbook with a blank stare when the teacher asked her to answer a question about what we read; and responding to "What American history topic do you want to write a poem on?" with "Bloody Mary."

I went to a doctor last November in search of answers, and it was confirmed that I had an iron deficiency (but not anemic yet). I took pills regularly afterwards, but even now that my iron levels are in normal range, I still experience brain fog. I told my doctor about this, and it just seems everything points to a mental problem. Yet I can't check with a psychologist because of circumstances that can't be helped. I can't do this anymore. I feel like an utter failure and feel so alone right now.

So like, my ex has been acting weird lately and I don’t know if I’m reading too much into it or if he’s lowkey trying to come back. We broke up three months ago, wasn’t even that messy but we both kinda agreed it wasn’t working. But now he’s liking my posts again, watching all my stories the second I post them, and even replied “lol” to one like bro what’s funny? He NEVER used to watch my stories before unless I made him. And suddenly he cares now? Idk if it’s guilt or he’s being nosy or if he actually misses me. One of my friends said he asked if I’m seeing anyone now and I’m like—why the hell would he care? We not together anymore, you don’t get to ask those questions.

Then this one time, I was walking by his group at school and he literally went silent, stared, and did that half-smile like he didn’t know if he should say hi. Didn’t say shit though. I’m not saying he’s obsessed or anything but if you don’t want to talk, then don’t stare. Just turn around or keep walking. Like stop being a coward. Another day, he texted me “hey” out of nowhere at midnight. I didn’t reply. What was I supposed to say? Hey back and pretend like nothing happened? He dumped me because he said he “needed space” and now he’s crawling back with one dumb word? Get the f*ck outta here with that. Boys are so confusing, they want you until they have you, then when they don’t, they suddenly remember how good they had it.

I swear, it’s giving “I miss you but I’m too scared to say it.” But then again, I could just be imagining all this and he’s just bored or playing around. Maybe he wants attention, maybe he regrets stuff, maybe he just likes messing with my head. I don’t even know what I’d do if he said he wanted to get back together. Part of me would wanna slap him and the other part would probably melt; and yeah I know that sounds pathetic but whatever. At the end of the day I’m human. Do I still have feelings for him? Not really, but also maybe a little bit. Sometimes I do miss the way things were when it was good. Not the drama though. Never that again.

Anyway, what do y’all think? Are those signs or am I just being dumb? Would you say anything if your ex started acting like that? I feel like I’m going crazy trying to figure him out. Should I just ignore it and move on or call him out and be like “wtf do you want?” I don’t need games, I just want peace. If he’s trying to get back together, he needs to say it with his chest. I’m not gonna sit here and guess feelings like I’m on some reality TV show. I just hate this limbo sh*t. Tell me what’s up or go away. Simple.

I met a guy 2 years ago online. he sent me a voice message first and I just sent a question mark. Then we started talking and talking he was a cute guy and made me laugh, I sent him some videos and he sent me some. He once even told me he would take me to the amusement park so we could have fun like kids if we were in the same city (We both were teens). as we talked he recommended me songs. He even sang some

(ignore if I have mistakes, English is not my first language). Things were sweet and cute. I had family issues back then like now so he was the only one making me smile and forget about bad things, so yeah I got attached to him. I was texting him in my fake account so I had another girl in my profile. after I trusted him I sent him a picture of myself and told him that I am actually this. he was even sweet then, he told me he can help me improve my style -We've talked about that too- but I got stressed and blocked him (I wish it stayed like that)

Later I couldn't forget him so I texted him in another account I created and we talked there too. I told him I was sorry for suddenly blocking him etc. he didn't see anything bad in that and accepted me but told me I shouldn't fake myself. (yeah fair enough). As we talked things got a bit out of hand. because I always sent him a photo of me I liked. one day it even came to being s3xualized. I don't remember how but we came to that topic. He wanted a photo of my chest (I'm so sorry if these are triggering you, please don't continue) I was reluctant at first but I fucking did it. Then I deleted it. and I thought he didn't have the photo anymore too. Later the days he told me we should do s3xting and I refused. and he said it wouldn't hurt. i obviously refused him again. Then he sent me the photo I sent him a couple of days ago. (Yes that one). Clearly threatening me to share it around without saying anything. So I just wrote a paragraph about how I trusted him and how I wanted to be near him but how he disappointed me. and I logged out of the account. after a couple of days I logged in and the chats were still there and he didn't even block me. Instead he had even video called me after the paragraph. I panicked and just deleted all the evidence and the account there. I am grateful that I didn't use my actual account because I think he could've threatened me to send it to my parents. But I still hate myself for that I should've known that he was a bad person and I should've kept him blocked from the first time. He is now mature and keeps living his life while I think and rot here again and again. he even makes some small contents and dubs. It just popped in my feed a couple of weeks ago and I don't know.

I did some research and I should've gone to the police. but I don't even have any evidence. and I just let it go like that. even after 2 years it still haunts me I've never told anyone about this I just wanted to vent here

My journey all started when I got knee surgery for my meniscus tear. In this story my empire was destroyed only to be rebuilt with unstable ruble.

I was an active person before my injury working out 14 hours a week and eating a well balanced diet, I got at least 8 or more hours of sleep each night. I also had all A’s in my classes and a wonderful group of friends. Overall my life was stable and perfect in all aspects. When I tore my meniscus and got the surgery I was still resilient and hopeful for a couple months after. I went to physical therapy every week and was progressing more than the average person would. It wasn’t until March that the downers of life started catching up to me. I was starting to get burnt out from school since I had to make up for the weeks I was recovering. I also felt more depressed. At the end of the school year things really lightened up. I got on an antidepressant called sertraline, However I never took the medication because I had the idea that it would mess with me. Day after day I skipped my medication and it finally became summer break. And not even a week into summer break I just broke down. Apparently my mind was on its last stilt and just fell and all the stress came crashing down with it. I started having symptoms like mood swings and suicidal thoughts. So my psychiatrist put me on abilify to stabilize my mood because it switched often. My mood swings were from crying to feeling like I was the coolest person on the planet, this would happen a couple times a day. I soon had my first visit to a mental hospitable due to suicidal actions. Once I finished my stay my psychiatrist took me off sertraline and put me on cymbalta. I actually took cymbalta, however another symptom showed up and I started to have extreme anxiety at the start of July. Everything seemed like they were trying to keep me in this dream called life and the only way I could end it was by killing myself. I also started to take substances like nutmeg and LSA. I felt really unstable in life. I then started a php program that was short lived before going to the mental hospital for my second stay. At the mental hospital I started prazosin and trazodone. I was also diagnosed with derealization and depersonalization By August things started to get better but I started to notice I couldn’t control my actions and impulses as well anymore, I didn’t feel like I was my usual stable self anymore. In an attempt to get a thrill and escape I took a plant called Datura on five different occasions. The drug put me into a place of delirium that felt confusing yet safe. Soon my parents found out and stopped me from taking it again. I was still struggling till the middle of September. I took 62 pills of benadryl to get the same delirium I had on Datura. I continued taking benadryl till my parents noticed my pupils dilated. Then the next day they sent me to the mental hospital again. When I got out I continued life, still struggling. I also seemed to gain 90 pounds in three months. My psychiatrist was at the point where they were about to diagnose me with Borderline personality disorder. However me and my family decided to send me to a residential school in California before anything could happen and take off the school semester. At the residential we found out that I had Hypothyroidism and was put on lamictal and thyroxine. After staying at the residence for 2 months I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. When I got home I was put into a php where at some point I ended up eating a benadryl ointment cream as a last resort to get that delirium. The next day it was found out cause I was acting weird. Thankfully they didn’t send me to the mental hospital. I soon finished php and moved on to Iop. This was the time school started. In the first week of school I decided to drink 300mg of caffeine a night to see what happens and then decided to not sleep for three days due to nightmares. At this point I was starting to go into a psychosis believing I was meant to be schizophrenic in my next life so I should kill myself. The world also started to glitch and I felt Euphoric as hell. However, I decided to sleep on Thursday to Saturday and then decided to try staying up for 5 days on Sunday. I am now finishing night two while writing this. All being said, I truly hate myself right now. My feelings for myself switch from feeling like I am superior to everyone to feeling like I am unlovable and I hate myself. I honestly hate my personality so much to the point I want to actually commit suicide. I don’t know if this is a personality disorder or if I am just actually stupid or crazy. I used to have this stable personality but now my personality is reckless and moody. If anybody relates to this please tell me because I don’t want to be alone in this. (I'm not necessarily looking for a diagnosis I am just looking for others experience similar to mine)

Just the other day, my partner Sarah and I had one of our first big disagreements since moving into our new studio apartment together. It’s a cozy setup—just a single bedroom and bathroom—that had been working out pretty perfectly for the both of us until this issue popped up.

The conflict arose unexpectedly one evening as I was getting ready to call it a night. Sarah approached me, quite seriously, to discuss something that, to me, seemed rather odd. She expressed that she really wanted me to stop urinating while standing up. Her reasoning was that it’s unhygienic and she disliked the idea of possibly stepping into accidental spills.

I’ve always been considerate about making sure the bathroom remains clean, especially since we share such a small space. I'm careful not to leave any mess, always ensuring that nothing escapes the toilet bowl, and I make a point to flush with the lid down to keep things sanitary.

Nevertheless, Sarah was adamant. She wasn’t convinced by my assurances and reiterated her stance against me standing up to pee, branding it as gross regardless of how clean I kept things. This is where I found myself puzzled. After all, we split the rent equally, and it’s as much my home as it is hers. Surely, I thought, I should have the freedom to use our bathroom in a way that I find comfortable, especially if it doesn’t compromise cleanliness.

Imagine how this would blow up if it were captured on a reality TV show! The viewers would probably be divided, with some sympathizing with Sarah for advocating for cleanliness and others rooting for my right to convenience in my own home. It would definitely spark debates on living together etiquette and personal space.

Now, here I am, caught in this peculiar dilemma, questioning whether such a small aspect of our daily lives should really be causing such a big stir. It just seems somewhat ridiculous to me. What do you think? How would you handle this if you were in my shoes?