Random Life Stories and Unpredictable Moments

Here comes another sleepless night because all I can do is cry and think. Think about what normal people would call nonsense, but in this case it just… all adds up. So… I’ve been with my bf for more than a year. Since the beginning things were difficult. We would argue often, he wanted to break up multiple times, and I ended up turning my life upside town and changing 90% of me, mostly to „become myself again” and escape the influence of people I called friends, but I know that some things I did were all and only for him to stay. Now this part is almost „stable”, even tho there are still things that are wrong about me and I am aware of that and the cause of all of this (family issues, the fucked up way I was raised). But… ever since I can remember my bf used to mention his ex often. Always in a good way, recalling good memories etc. He told me A LOT about their relationship, how their mother liked him, how they liked to spend time together, damn he even sent me multiple pictures of them together MULTIPLE TIMES… I remember one time I said something bad about his ex, out of jealousy when he was talking about them again, and he got all protective, and almost aggressive like I just insulted someone important to him. He’s been never intimate with his ex, but he is with me every fucking time we see each other and this also makes me sick. Makes me feel like I’m his little cum bucket, walking piece of meat (mostly tits, ass and thighs) even tho he said he never saw me only in this way. I just can’t… when I recall the things he told me about his relationship with his ex, and when I compare it to what we have, I’m starting to fucking cry, because I feel like I’m never gonna be such an amazing partner like his ex was, I feel like he’s with me just to have anybody by his side. I can’t take the fact that I had to change so, so much only for him to not want to leave me, but his ex just came to his life and he was obsessed with them. They never annoyed him, but he told me multiple times how annoying can I get. Damn, he even told me how his ex would get him out of toxic activities, and how they would help him with his mental health etc, BUT I KNOW DAMN WELL I CANT DO SHIT LIKE THEM CUZ MY MOTHER NEVER TAUGHT ME HOW TO SHOW LOVE. I… I feel like I’m not even his real partner. Like I’m just there to fill the empty space. They broke up almost 2 years ago but still I can feel he misses them, but he’s never gonna admit it. He’s just comfortable with me. With chunks of meat to grab and sexualize. I wanna tear my fucking skin and replace it with his exes because maybe if I became them he would be finally happy and would not want to leave… I’m such a fuck up. I think I’m gonna cry again. Idk how this site works, I have no friends because I was kind of forced to cut ties with them, and I don’t have the strength to talk to anyone.

In 2019 I met this friend online on a game and sometime in 2020 they cut me off but then came back to me in 2022 and then in 2023 cut me off again but now they are back again and I am so worried that if I say the wrong thing that it will be another repeat year of me getting attached and then hurt when they cut me off. They say they arent as unstable but sometimes they make a comment or two that I have to bite my tongue so I dont upset them it also probably doesnt help that we are both autistic. Im really hoping that this time is the time we keep a friendship so we dont have to go through a big fight and then apologies next year. One last thing am I dumb for being hopeful this time or is it normal to be hopeful after giving someone so many chances?

im 16, and i have never felt worse about myself than i do right now and these last few weeks.

since i was a little kid, ive been in bad homes. No matter who i was living with, it has always been filthy and disfunctional. right this instant im living in probably the 2nd or 3rd worst home ive ever lived in. its filthy and miserable. i have a decently severe weed addiction that i adopted in november 2023 after smoking for the first time in august of that same year. my dad got me started (and still supplies me with it) and i dont really hate him for that? i might have killed myself a long time ago if it wasnt for the emotional suppression that weed does to me. Im probably high more than im sober. the weed addiction isnt that bad to be honest but i thought its relevant.

Covid fucked my one good relationship with my old best friend connor. barely talk to him anymore and the majority of my friends are online. I do online school right now, because going to school makes me want to kill myself.

but the thing is, i dont have many real life friends. and that fucking sucks. i dont do anything at all most days other than fuck around on games or fl studio. i have a job too but that doesnt help too much.

im fat. 248lbs at the moment and losing. its alot better than what i was (around 330-350 i dont fully remember). i feel like no one could stand looking at me in a romantic way because of my weight, which realistically i know thats not entirely true. my face isnt much better, i dont consider myself ugly, but i visibly look like my mother, and it fucks me up. i have a very bad relationship with her that i would need a seperate post to go into. tldr for that one is i havent seen her in person in 2 years almost, and she never calls me because shes a heavy drug addict, basically addicted to anything you could think of.

When i was 14 my life (which was already pretty shitty) went to hell. we got evicted due to our disgusting house. thats mostly because of my sisters and my dumb as fuck family who thought we could handle 2 extra drug babies who are not right mentally. after we got evicted, we moved in with my extended family for like 2 months. Thats 12 people in a 3 bedroom house. i hated it. but i got my first experience with my own room. because up until then i was always given the living room to sleep in because i was the oldest. when i lived with the extended family, they gave me a room to myself for some reason. something about genders shouldnt mix? theyre pretty conservative. after 2 months of living with them, we had to leave. we moved into an extremely shitty hotel, one room for everybody, 2 beds. then we moved into a much worse hotel that had 2 rooms. but super infested with roaches. i got so depressed i was getting physically sick. i stayed home from school for a week. after a while, i couldnt take it anymore. i moved in with my dad and here we are now. im writing this while its 5 am so this is gonna be hard to read, sorry its all fucked up and disjointed. honestly theres like 9 other things i wanted to include but maybe another time.

TL;DR

shitty house, shitty family, loneliness, and the want to kill myself

I'm 24 and have been eagerly planning my spring wedding. One of my bridesmaids, who also happens to be my childhood best friend and is 22, has always been a big part of my life. Our personalities aren’t much alike; she’s much more sheltered and deeply religious compared to me. Five months ago, she started dating her first serious boyfriend and they're quite serious about each other, partly because he shares her religious beliefs and background. It’s quite likely they’ll end up married too, since they were each other’s first serious romantic partners.

In weddings, typically the bridal party pairs up, walking down the aisle and entering the reception together. However, my friend expressed a concern to me: she feels it would be disrespectful to her relationship if she were to walk with one of the groomsmen. Instead, she proposed that her boyfriend walk with her during these key moments—just walk with her then return to his seat, not actually be a part of the wedding party itself.

Honestly, I find this request a bit odd and I'm leaning towards saying no because it might disrupt the flow and traditional appearance of the wedding procession and reception introductions. Although I don’t believe her boyfriend suggested this idea, it does seem aligned with her own values, yet I can't shake off feeling that this could create an awkward situation. If I refuse, I suspect she won’t back out from her role as a bridesmaid, but it might strain our relationship as she could think I'm not respecting her relationship.

What's puzzling is how to handle this situation delicately without causing a fuss. If this were some sort of reality show drama, you'd expect the cameras zooming in as I navigate this friendship-testing dilemma. How would the audience react to each decision? Would they side with tradition or personal respect for her relationship? The pressure would definitely be amped up with public opinion thrown into the mix!

In a situation like this, how would you handle it if you were being watched by an audience? Would you stick to wedding traditions or customize the procession to respect your friend's relationship?

What do you say when you don’t want to attend an invitation because the person invited you to their birthday party purely out of formality? They ignore me except for sending the invitation, hang out with the whole group without me, and I can sense they have an issue with me but don’t want to confront it. Instead, they make the situation worse by posting Instagram stories shading me. Honestly, I just want to cut this person off peacefully because I’ve tried to clear things up before, and they still keep acting shady toward me.

Like the tittle I’m asking myself, what if I was born later in life? Back story my parents were both in high school when they had me. So life was interesting my mom graduated school early to be able to work, and my dad continued school to “make a better life for us”. I wished for a lot when I was young especially toys but even how much my parents and grandparents tried to make me happy, I still couldn’t feel content. And now I’m in my teens my parents broke up and married other people and now I have step siblings and cousins. And every day I live my life saying “what if I was them?” Being able to buy everything they want, having their parents be able to afford everything they could ever wish for? I’m jealous of them EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY for having ADULT parents. What if JUST what if I was them…?

Recently, my partner, Tom and I enjoyed a night out and when it was time to head back, I proposed that we grab a taxi. The fare was about £20, which seemed reasonable to me for a quick and safe return within 20 minutes. Surprisingly, Tom disagreed, suggesting that it was extravagant and insisted that we opt for public transportation instead. The bus or train would not only take over an hour but traveling so late could also expose us to unnecessary risks. This sparked a bit of a row between us as I accused him of being overly frugal. His stance felt a bit overly cautious about spending, but am I being too dismissive of his concerns? Isn't it reasonable to prioritize quick and safe travel especially late at night?

Adding to this, imagine if our little disagreement was featured on a reality show, where every move and decision faces public scrutiny. How might viewers react? Would they side with Tom, praising his thriftiness as a virtue, or might they support my point of view, seeing my insistence on taking a cab as a reasonable concern for safety and convenience? The additional pressure and possibly judgmental eyes of an audience could have intensified our discussion, making it an even larger spectacle. Reality shows thrive on these everyday dilemmas, blowing them up for dramatic effect. But beyond the cameras, these are the real discussions that many couples face.

I am really curious to see what others think about this common dispute between practicality and security. Is not wanting to navigate the late-night public transit system making me too demanding, or is my concern valid? Would love some input on this!

Hey me.

I see you sitting there, blasting Glass Half Empty on loop through your earbuds in the middle of class. I'm doing the same thing, too. Those lyrics are so relatable, aren't they? Anyway. I know Bowie, Trinity, and Harvie are still ignoring you. I know that Johne and Amelia still forget you're there sometimes. I know that Angel is your only friend left that sees and hears you. But hey, things'll get better. I think. You know, let's just reflect on the past four years before we get to high school. How's that sound? and when we're seniors, we'll reflect on our high school years too. Here we go:

Remember 5th grade? when you and Trinity first met? When you dated Livvie? Remember her? I forgot what school she goes to now... Oh well. But remember recess, playing with all of Trinity's little plastic animals? Remember there Kermits? You never did really become part of that... But that's besides the point. 5th grade was fun! I miss it. I bet you do too.

6th grade was when you met Amelia, Harvie, and Maddie. I still remember the exact places we sat at lunch. The third round table, and you always say next to Amelia. And you would give her your cheeseburger (which you got everyday) even though she had a lunchbox. Those were the good days... Ah well. They're gone now. But those days were easy, you never had to worry about whether or not your existence would be remembered the next day. EVeryone was interested in the same things, and we were all one friendgroup, and there was no stress about who liked who. That is, until you started liking Amelia. But you never asked her out, did you? I don't blame you. Stuff like that is really stressful.

And 7th grade! That was when you met Bowie, Angel, and Johne. Remember how you and Bowie started out? kinda awkward, I remember. Emma had been saying for a while that you and Bowie would be best friends. And you became best friends, didn't you! You two had such fun together. Then Trinity and Amelia started dating. Then you and Maddie started dating. Then you broke up with Maddie. And then you and Bowie started dating. 7th grade was ok.

But 8th grade... That's when everything fell apart. You broke up with Bowie, yet you two still stayed best friends. Nothing changed between you two, except maybe that you'd make jokes about when you two dated, things like, "why did I ever date you" whenever one of you did something dumb. But then... people started drifting. The friendgroup split in half. One half even moved tables at lunch. That was your half. And the other half stopped speaking to you and you only. Even Bowie, who was on that half. And then you started turning invisible with your own half. Even on your birthday. At least you still had Angel. But some days, you were invisible to even her. Depression got the best of you, didn't it? It still has me in its holds.

But listen to me now: you can't let yourself disappear. Get new friends. Ones who see you and hear you. Don't let the old ones turn you invisible. They don't define you. Even if things seem hopeless now, you'll get through this. You have to. And if you don't, then at least you tried, right? so try. Don't let go just yet. Don't give up until you can't go any further. It may seem like you can't now, but you can. Trust me. The apathy and depression may be bad, but you'll survive it all. Maybe. Possibly. You've almost made it to high school. Just keep pushing, and you'll get there. I get it, you want to just fizzle out, to just give up. But you can't. Keep going. Do it for Angel. For Sam, too, even though you can't talk to him anymore. But he'd want you to keep going. So keep going.

See you soon,

You.

My friend is deliberately ignoring me for reasons I can't explain. I've just kind of shut off the world. My voice stopped working so I can't talk to him to let him know how I feel. I just feel like a horrible person. I can't do life anymore. I can't find any reason to stay alive anymore. Either I'm going to kms or run away. Probably the former.

I remember the day vividly when a memorable bridezilla incident unfolded at our boutique. It was a typical afternoon, and I was assisting a lovely mother-daughter duo who were looking for the perfect wedding dress. Just as we were making some headway, another mother-daughter pair walked into the shop. Naturally, I greeted them warmly and asked how I could help.

The mother confidently stated they were there to pick up her daughter’s dress. I smiled and asked for their details to look it up in our system. As I scanned through the records, I couldn't find any purchase under their name. Frowning slightly, I informed the mother, "Ma'am, it appears you never bought the dress."

Her reaction was immediate and incredulous. "What are you talking about?"

I showed her the notes on my computer screen. "According to our records, you wanted to think about it and asked if we could hold the dress. We held it for two weeks, but when we didn’t hear back, we assumed you didn't want it."

Her response was sharp and demanding, "Well, we want it now."

I had to explain further, "It’s been over eight months. We sold the dress a long time ago. However, I can order you another one and expedite it here within a few weeks."

That's when the situation escalated dramatically. The mother erupted with anger, "This is unacceptable! We have her alterations scheduled in two hours! The wedding is a week away! I can’t believe you sold her dress!" Meanwhile, the bride was slumped against the desk, sobbing uncontrollably.

At this point, I noticed the original mother-daughter duo staring in disbelief. I tried to maintain my composure and handle the situation diplomatically. "Ma'am, we had no way of knowing you wanted the dress. You never called or put down a deposit. The dress isn’t yours until it’s paid for."

Despite my explanations, the mother continued to scream, and the bride continued to wail. Eventually, they stormed out of the shop. Feeling a bit deflated myself, I returned to the customers I had been helping.

Curious, the daughter I was originally assisting asked, "Does that kind of thing happen a lot?"

With a sigh, I admitted, "All the time."

To this day, it baffles me how some people can schedule alterations on a dress they never purchased, wait until the last minute to pick it up, and misunderstand the basic principles of buying and selling.

I think this story would have been hugely successful in a reality TV show! 😂

I have been in a relationship with this guy and he were fine in the first month ,then we both went to different college ,and things taken fast he one day wanted to have breakup and after a day we did reconcile but he was behaving kind of rude for few days,later though he changed but he is in still contact with the guy because of whom we had to breakup.

I'm pissed everyday I did tell him about what I was going through and told him to completely cut off with that guy but he didn't listen just said ok and told that he can't because he is his senior and member of some club. i ain't that irrational and told him to be professional with him but still sends him reels n all all the time.

I told him to distance but I don't think does. he keeps mentioning that he is his friend but i think he gives more importance then friend.

now I feel not to talk to him because I'm

that pissed that I will fight with him.

My bf has had some troubles since he was very young when it come to sexual pleasure and to self pleasure as well.

We've been together 5 years now and 4 of them were very long distance. It was a bit of a problem even then since his sex drive on long distance was very high while mine not. We have moved now together and we've been living with eachother for almost a year. Our sex life hasn't been very intense but thats bc we both work a lot and fitness-wise we aren't that active. That, we dont mind, we've talked about it and it's enough for both.

But last holidays he went online and started sexting with an other girl including pictures. She was a stranger and he hasnt talked to her (from what i knwo) again. Last week it happened again and it was a different stranger. I know him well enough to know that he truly isnt the type to go and cheat but that self pleasure and sexual urge is very strong sometimes and he doesnt think about it clearly in the moment.

We have of course discussed it and he was the one to let me know later that evening bc he couldn't leep it anymore. It wasnt even that I or he didnt want to have intercourse but I was on my period and we dont do anything in the time of the month.

What hurts more ig is that this time instead of being at work while he did that i was in our office playing online with others and he was in the living room. Somehow that makes it worse? I cant explain it but it hasn't bothered me like this before. Last time i completely brushed it off and even forgot about it bc I understand him.

Idk what to think and how to handle this and i dont have anyone else to talk about it except for him bc he is my best friend as well.

I really love him and its not black and white. I just want to find a way to handle this.

My partner always invalidate my feelings. He just brush it off whenever I start telling him of how he made me feel an outsider on our relationship and was never appreciated and cared for. I am so done!

nothing helps it doesn't matter how much I talk about it how much I journel how much I distract myself how much I treat myself how much rest I give myself how healthy i eat how much water i drink how much exercise I get how much I surround myself with people I love or how many times I call the hotlines. everyone gives the same advice "take small steps" "healing takes time" "just take a quick break or try a breathing exercise when it feels like too much" a breathing break isn't gonna help me maybe it wouldve three years ago but idk what I have but its not just what's happening around me its something fudemently wrong with me. no matter how good I have it I'll find I way to ruin it or make myself feel bad. it takes so much effort just to make myself function semi properly, to just exist. i cant tell what's wrong with me and at the same time I know. maybe its too many things and I'm just not sure which one, or maybe its none of them. I mean this cant be because of what's happening around me bc only one baddish thing has ever happened and it was basically my fault anyways. I just cant accept the fact people might acc like me and I know everything I'm scared of and hate about myself and do is irrational but it doesnt matter. this isn't somthing I can fix and its harder and harder every day to deal with it. I'm realizing I should've gotten help a long time ago, because now when people tell me to deal with it maybe I used to be Able to but I just cant anymore. every day I'm waiting and waiting every day even good days I'm dealing with it. I cant tell what I'm missing and if my problems are serious or not but if I don't get help that actually helps soon I'm just gonna end it. I'm tired of waiting for something that isn't coming. its never coming.

I used to wake up every morning and the first thing I’d think about was him. What he needed, what he wanted, what would make his day easier. For years, my life was completely wrapped around someone else’s comfort. I thought that was what love was supposed to be—giving, giving, giving. And then giving some more. I didn’t even notice how little of myself was left. After the divorce, I didn’t recognize who I was anymore. Not because I’d changed overnight, but because I’d been gone for so long I forgot what it felt like to actually be me. It took everything falling apart for me to realize I hadn’t loved myself in a long time. Maybe never. I was so busy being everything for someone else, I forgot how to be anything for myself.

The divorce wasn’t just an end to a marriage, it was like tearing off a layer of skin. Everything was raw. And lonely. I thought I’d feel free, but at first, all I felt was empty. And embarassed. Like I’d failed somehow, like I’d wasted all those years. Friends told me, “Now you can start over,” but I didn’t know where to begin. I didn’t even know what I liked to eat without him deciding. What music I wanted to play in the car. What shows I liked that weren’t his favorites. It sounds silly, but those little things matter. They’re pieces of you that you give up so slowly, you don’t even notice until you’re sitting in silence, alone, and don’t know what playlist to pick.

At first, I tried to fill the silence with distractions. I downloaded dating apps, I went out with friends even when I didn’t feel like it, I tried to prove to everyone that I was fine, better than fine. But I wasn’t. I was tired. emotionally and physically. I was carrying so much guilt and resentment and just… loss. I had to admit to myself that healing wasn’t gonna come from someone new. It had to come from me. From me giving myself all the care and attention I’d been giving someone else for over a decade. It meant sitting with my pain, even when it sucked. It meant crying in the car after grocery shopping. It meant stop pretending.

Little by little, I started doing small things just for me. I took walks without needing a destination. I started journaling, even if half the time I just wrote “i don’t know what i’m doing.” I went to therapy even tho it made me uncomfortable at first. I took long baths and lit candles for me, not for a vibe or for someone to notice. I started trying new hobbies, just to see if anything sparked joy. Painting, badly. Cooking things he’d never eat. Reading books that weren’t on his shelf. Bit by bit, I felt like I was meeting myself for the first time. And I kinda liked her. She was quieter than I remembered. Softer. But also stronger.

The biggest shift came when I stopped asking what I had done wrong to deserve the way he treated me. Because loving someone doesn’t mean losing yourself. And I finally understood that if you don’t love yourself first, you’ll accept a love that doesn’t love you back the right way. You’ll bend, shrink, hide, just to make it work. And that’s not love—that’s survival. And I don’t want to just survive anymore. I want to live. I want to laugh and feel proud and be loved the way I deserve, starting with myself. I don’t need to be perfect. I don’t need to have it all figured out. But I need to be kind to me.

So if you’re reading this, and you’re where I was, lost and grieving and doubting yourself… please know this: you are not broken. You are not unloveable. But you do have to choose you. Even if it feels selfish. Even if it hurts at first. Love yourself first, because you’re the one person who’s gonna be there from start to finish. Don’t wait for someone else to make you feel whole. Be the one who shows up for you. Every damn day.