Love Stories

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, more than I probably should. I’m 20 years old, been in a relationship for a few months now, and on the surface, things are fine. She’s nice, funny, thoughtful, always checking in on me. We get along well, don’t fight, and everything seems… okay. But that’s kind of the problem—it’s just okay. I keep waiting for that spark, that big overwhelming feeling everyone talks about, the one where you just know you’re in love. But it hasn’t come. Not even close. And I’m starting to wonder if it ever will. I don’t dislike her. I enjoy spending time with her. But when I think about the future, or even just picture us next year, it’s like looking at something blurry. No clear image comes to mind. And it’s making me feel guilty, like I’m lying by staying in this relationship when my heart might not really be in it.

I’ve talked to a few friends about it, and I get mixed advice. Some say love takes time, that I shouldn’t expect fireworks this early, especially since we’re both still young. Others tell me if I’m already questioning things, that’s my answer right there. But it’s not that simple. I don’t want to hurt her. She’s done nothing wrong. She cares about me, probably more than I deserve, and the thought of breaking her heart makes me sick. But at the same time, I keep asking myself—is it fair to stay just because I don’t want to be the bad guy? Isn’t that worse in the long run? I don’t want to settle into a relationship just because it’s comfortable or because I’m afraid of being alone. But the fear of regret is real too. What if I leave and realize I made a mistake? What if I’m just not in the right mindset and this is all in my head?

We’ve had good moments, don’t get me wrong. Little laughs, shared jokes, quiet nights watching dumb movies. But there’s something missing. It’s like there’s a wall I can’t get past, a layer of emotion that never really shows up. I keep comparing what I feel now to how I’ve felt in past crushes, where I couldn’t stop thinking about someone, where I felt that ache when we were apart. With her, it’s different. I don’t count down the hours until I see her. Sometimes, I even feel relieved when plans get canceled. And then I feel awful for feeling that way. I keep telling myself maybe it’ll change, maybe I just need more time. But how much time is enough before you admit something isn’t clicking? I see couples who look crazy about each other, and I wonder what that feels like. I’ve never had that, and I’m scared maybe I’m just not capable of that kind of love—or worse, maybe I just haven’t found the right person yet, and I’m wasting both of our time pretending I have.

So yeah, I don’t know if I should stay in my relationship. I’m trying to be honest with myself, but the guilt is eating at me. I don’t want to be cruel, but I also don’t want to lie by staying when I’m not really all in. I wish someone could just tell me what the right answer is. I wish I could look at her and feel that certainty people talk about. But I don’t. Not yet. Maybe not ever. And until I figure it out, I’m stuck in this weird place between not wanting to hurt her and not wanting to hurt myself by staying in something that doesn’t feel right.

Do you believe in the love languages ✨👀? I personally think they make things easier to categorize😊. And there are intricate meanings and experiences that stem from each love language. Plus, the interpretations of them can be very different for different people🤷🏻‍♀️❤️.

Love languages: Quality time, physical touch, gift giving, words of affirmation, and acts of service.

And a single person could have multiple love languages, or different levels of each love language📈📉.

My first, that I can think of is quality time⏳. The time I spend with my partner would make me feel appreciated and loved. And knowing that they have their schedules figured out to plan time with me would be most appreciated😍🙏🏻✨(I'm single BTW, 2025).

My 2nd love language that most people don't have as their 1st or 2nd(that I'm aware of)... Is words of affirmation. Most people say that they believe actions only... I also believe in actions... But I personally wanna date someone who knows how to express how they feel about me whether that be positive or negative feedback depending on the situation. I like the whole poet sh*t and the kinda person who isn't afraid to share a silly dad joke(even when they're not actually a dad)😂!!

I'm gonna skip the others and just go to my least favorite... Acts of service... I just can't🫠. I am aware of my aloofness and I've been around friends and family who have this love language as their number 1 or number 2. I just can't. I can't fully understand when someone needs my help unless they verbalize it... Which is frustrating for me cause I haven't met anyone with this love language as their 1 or 2 who is good at asking for help rather than expecting someone to see them struggling and automatically helping them. I'm just not that person... Nor would I want that for myself🙃.

Anyway... I'm super, super curious about other people's opinions and comments on this subject... Cause it's fascinating to me, whether one believes this or not.

Also, a side note ....... FOOD IS NOT A LOVE LANGUAGE!!!! Food items technically categorizes under acts of service or gift giving. Just wanted to put my opinion of that out there before someone tells me that their love language is FOOD🤣!!

Things for next year / my glow up

Work: cafe / Dairy Queen / last resort irrigation

HOODIES

Thin graphic sweaters (12-27$)

No hood(14-20)

Chunky(18-25$)

SHIRTS

tangtops(3-7$)

Shoulder show(5-8$)

Graphic tees(7.99-12$)

PANTS

pants that cover my feet(15-20$)

Baggy jean(12-29$)

Sweat pants(11-19$)

Leggings(6-14$)

SHOES

convers (49.99$-70$)

Chunky shoes(40-80$)

Tall shoes (49-60$)

MAKE UP

eyeliner(1-6$)

Mascara (3-9$)

Concealer (7-12$)

Eye make up(11-20$)

ACCESSORIES

hair bows (8-10$)

Rings(7-20$)

Necklaces(11-20$)

Belts (7-14$)

Bracelets (17-20$)

EXTRAS

Get lip piercing(13-18$ for Jewelry, 50-100$ for just the piercing and around 30$ for jewelry)

Get other side of nose pierced (180$ pretty much)

Maybe eyebrow (30-70$)

Nails(100-150)

Be quiet

ALWAYS have headphones or earbuds(10$ depending on how many I have to buy)

2 friends 3 max (birthday gifts at least 15$)

Ear piercings (30-150$)

Total (without tax or cents)

929.98$

Pick up as many shifts as possible

Nothing other than work for summer

Get tips

Clean great

(11.15$ per hour)

Maximum 8 hours per day to work

40 hours a week 7am-closing is 8 hours depending on staff

89.2$ per day (take away tax 55.75$)

Let’s say I get paid once a week of twice that’s 55.75$ a week if not then 111.5$ plus tips so round 120$ at best. If Rebecca pays me extra out of generosity mostly a 10$ bill

If I save up I can have 929.98$ by the end of month 8, by month 9 I’ll have 1,003.5$

I’ll start with the expensive things

Pants

Shirts

Belts

Nails

Shoes

Etc

2 months I’ll have 111.5$ unless I get paid more often and get a pay raise

i swear i dont even know whats wrong with me anymore. i cant stop thinkin about him like all day all night its just him in my head 24/7. like its drivin me crazy. we aint even talkin anymore but i still keep checkin my phone every 5 mins like maybe he’ll text or like maybe he’s thinkin bout me too (even tho i know he probly not). we was never official official but it felt real to me. we had a connection, the way he looked at me, the way we talked for hours, laughin about dumb stuff. nd now? nothin. just silence. nd it hurts more than i thought it would. like why can’t i just move on like a normal person?? why am i still stuck on someone who don’t even care if i’m breathin or not??

my friends keep tellin me to forget him, to block him, delete the pics, all that. nd i tried. for real. i tried to distract myself, go out more, talk to other ppl, even flirt a lil just to see if i could feel somethin again. but i don’t. its like no one hits the same. i see him everywhere too, like songs remind me of him, certain spots in school feel weird without him there. i even wear that hoodie he let me borrow still, even tho i know it’s dumb. nd the worst part? he moved on like it was nothin. he’s talkin to someone else now and actin like i never mattered. like i was just a phase or some fun thing he did for a bit. nd maybe i was. maybe i made it bigger in my head than it really was. but to me, it felt real. nd now i just feel stupid for fallin so hard.

sometimes i cry at night just thinkin bout what i did wrong. was i too much? not enough? did i scare him off by feelin too deep? i replay convos in my head, thinkin what i coulda said diff, what i coulda changed. nd yeah i kno, i shouldn’t blame myself, but how do u not when someone u gave your heart to just lets it go like it was nothin?? he said things that made me think he cared. he looked at me like i was the only person in the room. he made me feel seen, nd now i feel invisible. like i was only temporary. like i’m just another girl he’ll forget soon.

i just want it to stop. the overthinkin, the dreamin bout him, the way my heart still jumps when i see his name pop up somewhere. i wish i could just shut off the part of my brain that still misses him. that still wants him. but i can’t. he’s stuck in me. nd maybe one day i’ll get over it, maybe someone new will make me forget how bad this hurts, but rn? rn it feels like i’m gonna feel this forever. like he broke somethin in me without even tryin. nd he probly don’t even kno. or care. but i do. nd that’s what sucks the most. cuz even if he don’t feel nothin, i still can't stop thinkin bout him. nd i hate that i still want someone who dont want me.

Omg, I need to rant because my mind is in absolute **chaos** right now. There's this guy—let's call him **Prince** (and trust me, the name fits because he literally treats me like a princess). Like, I don’t even know what to do anymore because he is **so close and touchy** and I **can't tell if he's just like this with everyone or if I should be reading into it**.

So, Prince is **always** around me. Like, if I’m sitting somewhere, he’ll just casually come over and sit **super close**, to the point where our shoulders are touching. And if I move slightly, he doesn’t even shift away—if anything, I feel like he leans in more. **And don’t even get me started on the way he touches me.** It’s not in a weird way or anything, but he’ll randomly poke my side, rest his arm on my shoulder, or even put his hand on my back when he talks to me. And this isn’t just once or twice—**it’s a pattern**.

And then there’s the way he acts when we’re around other people. He’s always making sure I’m good, asking me if I’ve eaten, helping me with random stuff without me even asking. **He hypes me up all the time, too**—like if I do literally anything, he’ll be like, “See? That’s why you’re amazing.” And then he’ll just **stare at me and smile** like ??? Boy, what do you mean by that???

But here’s the thing—I **don’t know if this is just how he is or if he’s actually giving me signs**. Because when I do stuff, like talk to other guys or even just joke around with my friends, I swear I see him looking. And I mean **really looking**—like I’ll glance at him, and he’ll already be watching, and then he looks away really fast like he wasn’t just analyzing my every move. And when I don’t give him attention, he finds ways to get it. He’ll randomly bring something up just to talk to me or do something dumb to make me laugh.

The worst part?? He’s **so reassuring and supportive.** Like, I could be having the worst day ever, and he just **knows.** He’ll check in, tell me I’m strong, and that I deserve the best. **BRO, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT??** He’s so **emotionally present** it’s actually throwing me off. I don’t know if he does this for everyone, but I feel like he treats me **differently.**

So now I’m just sitting here questioning **everything.** Is he **just like this**? Am I overthinking? **Or is he actually dropping hints??** Like, I swear, sometimes it feels like he’s being lowkey flirty, but then I second-guess myself because I don’t want to look dumb. I just don’t know anymore, and it’s driving me crazy.

Someone tell me what this means because I genuinely have no clue. **Prince, what are you trying to tell me?!?**

Okay, so my life is literally a mess

I’ve got three different guys giving me mixed signals, and I genuinely don’t know what to do with myself. Volley, my boy best friend, used to sit ridiculously close to me when he was dating my friend—like, shoulder-to-shoulder, legs touching, even though there was plenty of space. But now that they broke up, we don’t talk, we just stare at each other, and when I react with a “what?” (while looking disgusted), he smirks and chuckles EVERY SINGLE TIME. LIKE WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! 😩 And to make things more confusing, Headphones and Volley had a moment where Headphones called me “Volley's girlfriend,” and Volley just stared at him and said nothing. NOTHING. Then, when I confronted him about it later, he suddenly acted like it was annoying and brushed it off like it was nothing. I CAN’T TELL WHAT HE’S THINKING AT ALL. And to make things worse, we literally can’t talk because his friends know about our situation, and I can’t find an excuse to interact with him. So now we just make eye contact and suffer.

Then there’s Headphones. Ohhh, Headphones. He literally jaywalked to walk with me to a boba place, we share food, and we talk during 2nd and 3rd period. BUT HE ONLY EVER RANTS ABOUT CHLOE. And I know Chloe doesn’t like him because she likes someone else, but he’s still hopelessly attached to her. And to make it even more painful, Chloe told him to confess to her on April 1st, which could either be the worst prank in history or just a terrible coincidence. And the whole time, I’m just sitting here liking him while listening to him talk about another girl. Yay, fun! 🙃 Oh, and he also sits in front of me in Science and constantly looks back at me, but when we lock eyes, he panics and looks forward immediately. And if that wasn’t enough, he sits with me at my lab table with my friends right next to Manager, so now both of them are always around me at the same time.

Speaking of Manager, THIS BOY IS THE MOST PLAYFUL, FLIRTATIOUS, AND CONFUSING THING EVER. Out of all my friends, he ONLY tells me pick-up lines and pokes my stomach, and it’s always some corny, flirty nonsense. AND HE SAT ON MY LAP IN THE LIBRARY??? After making my friend sit on the floor?? Meanwhile, Volley was just sitting behind us at a table staring and looking mad and jealous like he was about to throw hands. Like sir, please explain why you’re upset when we don’t even talk. 😭

But Manager is also friends with a girl I have beef with, AND Bella L (one of the most popular girls in school) still likes him, even though he doesn’t like her back. So that’s another layer of mess I have to deal with. And despite all this, I want to get closer to him because he’s fun, but I also want to get closer to Headphones because our connection is deeper, BUT ALSO I WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON WITH VOLLEY. Why is my life a love triangle—but with four people?! 😭

And the worst part? I can’t even choose between Manager and Headphones because they both have things I want in a guy, just split into two different people.Manager has the touchy, playful, flirty energy I love, but Headphones has the deeper, emotional connection that I also love. WHY CAN’T THEY JUST MERGE INTO ONE PERSON??

So now I’m just sitting here, confused, overthinking every eye contact moment, and waiting for the April 1st disaster to happen. 🎭✨

LIFE. IS. TOO. MUCH.😭😭😭

I keep asking myself this question more than I should—am I good enough for her? She’s amazing. She’s 35, confident, elegant, makes six figures doing something I don’t even fully understand but sounds important as hell. Meanwhile, I’m 31, still figuring my career out, working in a jobb I’m not even sure I want long-term. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely lost—I’ve got a decent job, I pay my rent, I’m not some couch-hopping slacker. But when I look at her and then at myself, I can’t help but feel the gap. And it’s not just the money, even if that’s a big part of it. It’s the way she carries herself, the way people listen when she talks, the way her eyes light up when she’s explaining something she’s passionate about. And then there’s me, nodding along, trying not to sound like an idiot when I chime in.

She’s never made me feel lesser, not once. She’s kind, supportive, loving. When we’re together, I feel safe. But that little voice in my head doesn’t shut up. It whispers that I’m just the fun guy for now. That eventually, she’ll want more—someone who matches her pace, her level, her lifestyle. She takes me to these nice places, introduces me to her work friends, and I’m just there trying to keep up. They all seem so put together. Great jobs, great clothes, expensive watches and inside jokes about client calls and conferences in Zurich. I stand there with my craft beer and force a smile, wondering if they can see through me. If they can tell I don’t really belong in that circle. I feel like I’m pretending half the time. Like I’m her guest in a life that I don’t have the credentials for.

It messes with me more than I want to admit. I start holding back, second-guessing everrything. Like, should I even talk about my problems when hers are clearly so much more important? Should I even suggest where to go for dinner when she can afford places I’ve only ever walked past? It’s not that I expect her to change or that I resent her success—far from it. I admire her. But I’m scared that my admiration is turning into something poisonous. Like I’m not showing up as her partner, but as some guy who's constantly trying to catch up. And how long is that sustainable? I wonder if she notices when I flinch every time the bill comes and she insists on splitting it. Or when she mentions future plans and I pause, not because I don’t love her, but because I don’t know how I’d ever afford the kind of future she deserves.

Sometimes I think maybe I should just let her go. Not because I want to, but because it might be easier than this constant feeling of falling short. Maybe she’d be better off with someone more like her—someone who already owns a place, who already figured it all out. But then we’re alone together, and she’s lying on my chest, laughing at something dumb I said, and in those moments, I forget about everything else. I remember how much she chooses me, how she looks at me like I’m everything. And I start to believe, even just for a second, that maybe I am good enough. Maybe she sees something in me that I can’t see in myself yet. But it never lasts. The moment fades, and the doubts sneak back in.

I know part of this is my own baggage. I grew up thinking men were supposed to provide, to lead, to be the “stronger” one, whatever that even means anymore. And now here I am, with this incredible woman who checks all the boxes and then some, and I feel like I’m the one falling behind. Society doesn’t say it out loud, but it whispers just enough—if she’s ahead, maybe he’s not a real man. And that pressure, that outdated, toxic expectation, it’s crushing. I want to be proud of her, and I am, but I also want to be proud of myself. And right now? I’m not. I feel stuck in this in-between, where I love her so much but don’t know how to let myself feel worthy of being loved back.

I don’t have all the answers. I’m still figuring it out. But maybe writing this, admitting this, is the first step. Maybe I don’t have to be perfect to be good enough. Maybe I just need to believe what she already seems to believe—that I have value, not because of my salary or status, but because of who I am with her. It’s not easy. I still have a long way to go. But I’m trying. I’m trying to silence the doubt, to be present, to show up for her and for myself. Because if there’s even a chance that I am good enough, then I owe it to both of us to stop running from the question—and start proving it to myself.

so my boyfriend and I have been there for 7 months now. I've noticed he's been talking to girls that he used to like and one of his exes. I told him to block them and not to talk to them cus I didn't feel comfortable with him talking to them. instead of listening or finding a way arnd it, he started gaslighting me, making me feel bad and feel like its my fault. He still talks to them to this day but I'm too scared to voice it out again cus I'm afraid he might get mad at me. am I being dramatic? am I overreacting?

I honestly don’t know why I’m like this. It’s like the second someone shows me even the tiniest bit of kindness or attention, my brain goes into overdrive. Suddenly, I’m imagining what our conversations will be like next week, wondering if they think about me too, and playing out fake scenarios in my head like I’m in a damn rom-com. It doesn’t even have to be romantic all the time. It can be a new friend, a coworker, a person I met once at a party who made me laugh. I get so emotionally invested so fast, and then I’m left there waiting, hoping they feel the same way. And when they don’t? Or worse, when they pull away a little? I crumble. Every single time. And it’s so frustrating because I know I’m doing it, I see myself getting attached, and I still can’t stop it.

The worst part is, I don’t even think people realize how hard it hits me. On the outside, I probably seem fine. I’ll say things like “Oh yeah, we’re just talking” or “No big deal” but inside, it is a big deal. I’ve already assigned meaning to every text they send, read into every emoji, every word, every pause. I’ve already placed so much hope and emotional weight into someone who might just be casually getting to know me. It’s like I don’t have that middle ground where things can just be neutral or slow. I’m either totally uninterested or way too into it. And it’s exhausting. For me and probably for them too. I get it. I wouldn’t wanna deal with someone who gets attached so easily either. But it’s not like I want to be like this. I don’t sit there thinking, let me obsess over someone I barely know today. It just… happens.

Sometimes I think it’s because I didn’t really have strong, stable connections growing up. I had friends, but not the kind of deep, lasting friendships you see in movies or on social media. I had moments where I felt really alone, and maybe now I’m constantly looking to fill that space. Like I’m searching for people who will finally stay. Who will see me, really see me, and not walk away when I get too intense or too emotional. But that intensity, I think, scares people. I give too much too soon. I reply too quickly. I ask too many questions. And then when they start backing off, I panic and cling harder. And then, of course, they really back off. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm scared they'll leave, so I act in a way that pushes them to leave. And every time it happens, it reinforces that belief in my head: that I’m just too much for people.

I wish I could be chill. I wish I could meet someone new and not immediately start caring too much or hoping too much. I wish I could just be in the moment without overthinking everything. But I don’t know how. I’m 20, and I already feel like my heart’s been through too many small, quiet heartbreaks that nobody else even knew were happening. And it’s not even about finding love or anything dramatic like that. Sometimes I just want connection—real, consistent, meaningful connection—and maybe I latch on too fast because I’m scared it’ll disappear if I don’t. But I’m learning, slowly, that not every connection is meant to be permanent. And not everyone who smiles at you or sends a kind message is going to stay in your life. And that’s okay. At least, I’m trying to belive it’s okay.

okay so i really don’t kno what’s wrong with me rn and i feel super confused all the time, like i got this bf right? he’s sweet and nice and he’s always there for me and we been together for like 7 months now which is kinda a big deal for me lol, cuz usually i get bored or annoyed but with him it’s been good mostly. but the thing is… there’s this other guy. and it’s not like i went looking for it or anything!! it just kinda happened. he’s in my class and we started talkin more and more, just being chill and stuff, joking around, texting late sometimes. nd now every time i see him my heart does that stupid little jump thing, ugh. i feel so wrong even typing this like what kinda person catches feelings for someone else while already having a boyfriend?? i feel like a terrible gf but at the same time i can’t help it. like my brain is screaming stoppp but my heart is like what if u like both?? and now i don’t even know what love is anymore.

i thought love was supposed to be this one person thing, like u find ur person and boom that’s it. no one tells u what to do when u catch feelings for two diff people at the same time. and it’s not even like one is bad and the other is better. they’re just… different. my bf is more soft and sweet, like the kind of guy who brings u snacks when u sad and listens to u talk for hours even if ur just being dramatic. the other guy tho? he’s more funny and confident and flirty and i feel all nervous around him and excited in this like crazy way that makes me feel alive. so what does that mean?? does that mean i don’t love my boyfriend anymore?? or do i just love them in diff ways?? idk if this makes me a bad person or if this is normal and ppl just don’t talk about it. i asked one of my friends and she was like “girl you gotta pick” but what if i don’t wanna yet? what if choosing means losing something important either way?? and like… what if i’m too young to even know what real love is and i’m just being stupid?? ughh my brain hurts fr.

some nights i lay there thinking maybe i just want attention or maybe im scared of being bored or maybe i like the idea of love more than the real thing, but it feels real. like when i think about both of them i get this ache in my chest and i just want them both to know how much i care. but that’s not fair right? i kno i gotta be honest and maybe break things off or make a decision, but i also don’t wanna hurt anyone. nd the more i wait the more i feel like im just messin everything up. i wish someone could just tell me what to do or if it’s even possible to really love two people at the same time. cuz if it is, then maybe im not crazy. maybe im just human. but if it’s not, then what the heck am i supposed to do with all these feelings?? everything feels messy and complicated and i just wanna scream into a pillow and not think about it but the thoughts always come back. being a teen is dumb sometimes.

Like genuinely I’m really starting to believe the whole ‘it’s really about the mindset’ thing like going into manifesting and all like IM in control with what I do with my life.. so I just have a couple stuff to ask about manifesting??

< attraction vs detachment vs assumption which is better??

< so manifesting is all about the mind and what u believe in so I don’t really have to do all that affirmations?

< like genuinely how can I make my mind believe something that isn’t there?

LIKE BRO LAST WEEK EVERYDAY FELT LIKE A FRIDAY AND I DID MY HAIR ALL BY MYSELFFFFF (wasn’t the best looking but little me would be proud‼️) LIKEEE AHHHH LIFE LAST WEEK WA PEAK🗣️ obviously there were some parts that weren’t ideal but I had them for characters development 😽 like bro and MY POTENTIAL BRO I GOTTA START MAKING CREATIVE DIGITAL PRODUCTS- frfr also anyone have animated shows/comics(not dc or marvel) recommendations?? LIKE I WASNT FEELING ALONE I DONT NEED ANYONE🗣️ WHERE WAS THIS MINDSET DURNING LAST YEAR 2023 nov-dec well speaking of potential anyone know ways of making money online??[as a high schooler] ALSO MORE STUFF LIKE ANYONE KNOW HOW TO STAY CONSISTENT bc last week would have gone so much better if I had workout😿 But I can make this week better by doing stuff💪 can’t lie the only problem I have rn is I can’t get someone out of my mind LIKE THIS MAN WAS MAKING ME ANXIOUS ON THURSDAY WHY?? his shorter than me bro 😭🙏 LITTLE ME WOULD NOT BE HAPPY 🗣️🗣️ anyway that’s alllll PONYBOY‼️‼️

I’m a theory year old female and I have what I call a best lesbian (best friend lesbian). She cute and all and I think females in general are nice looking and I find attraction to many of them. But I’m not interested in anything further. I don’t feel the same pull for physical contact with females (give or take) that I do with males. But I have found over the years that I find more and more women beautiful. I’ve even stared at a few butts. Is there a label for me?? I think I’m still heterosexual but I’m not denying myself.

Ugh, this is so annoying. I swear, I don’t even want to think about him but my brain just won’t shut up. Like, I’ll be doing the most random thing—scrolling on my phone, eating cereal, literally trying to do anything else—and boom, there he is. Just pops in my head like some kinda glitch. And it’s not even always something big, sometimes it’s just like… the way he smiled that one time, or how he said my name in this certain way that made my stomach do that dumb little flip thing. And then I sit there, thinking about it, replaying it in my head like a freaking movie, like why am I like this??? And the worst part is, I don’t even know if he likes me back. Like, yeah, he talks to me, yeah, he laughs at my jokes (even when they’re not funny lol) but does that actually mean anything? Or is he just nice?? I hate this, I hate not knowing, I hate how one person can just exist and suddenly I have zero control over my own thoughts anymore. Like bro, chill, I’m tryna live my life, not sit here daydreaming about some guy who probably isn’t even thinking about me rn.

And then there's the overthinking part. Like, every time we talk, I analyze everything. Did he mean something when he texted first? Why did he take five hours to respond? Did he look at me longer than normal today, or am I just insane? Like I swear, my brain should come with an off switch. And don’t even get me started on social media. One second I’m just casually checking my feed, next thing I know, I’m on his profile, scrolling waaaaay too far down, like some kinda detective, tryna figure out who that girl in his comment section is and why she’s reacting to his stories with heart emojis. And then I get mad at myself cuz why do I even care?? It’s not like we’re dating, it’s not like I have some claim over him, but still, the idea of him liking someone else makes me feel weird. And it’s so dumb because if I just knew he liked me back, all of this would be so much easier. But nope, instead I’m just stuck in this cycle of thinking, overthinking, trying to ignore him, failing miserably, then thinking about him even more. It’s honestly exhausting. Like, how do people just not care? How do people just move on with their lives and not spend half their time obsessing over every little thing?? Cuz at this point, I feel like my brain is basically holding me hostage, and the only way out is if he either confesses his undying love for me (lol as if) or I somehow figure out how to delete my feelings. Either way, I just wish I could stop thinking about him for like, one second. Is that too much to ask???

i used to tell myself it was just a phase. that one day, i’d meet the right person, and everything would just click like it does in the movies. but here i am, years later, still alone, still wondering if maybe this isn’t a phase at all—maybe i’m just gonna be single forever. it’s not like i haven’t tried. i’ve gone on dates, i’ve downloaded the apps, i’ve forced myself into awkward conversations with people who i knew, deep down, weren’t the right match. but it never works out. either i don’t feel anything, or they don’t. or worse, we pretend for a while, but it just slowly fades into nothing. and every time it happens, i start wondering if maybe the problem isn’t them. maybe it’s me.

maybe i’m just not built for relationships. i see other people fall in love so easily, like it’s just something that happens to them. they meet someone, sparks fly, they get into a relationship without overthinking every little detail. meanwhile, i analyze everything. do i even like them? or do i just like the idea of not being alone? will this feeling last, or am i just forcing something because i think i should? and then there’s the other side of it—the fear. the fear of getting attached, of trusting someone, of letting them in just to have them leave. i tell myself i want love, that i want to experience all the things other people talk about, but every time i get close to it, i find a reason to push it away. too busy, too complicated, too much efort. but if i keep doing that, then what? then i will be single forever.

people always say, "you’ll find someone when you least expect it," but that feels like such a lie. it’s not like love is just gonna fall out of the sky and land in my lap. if it hasn’t happened by now, who’s to say it ever will? i try to convince myself that being single isn’t a bad thing, that i should just enjoy my own company, focus on myself. and some days, i belive it. but other days? other days i see couples walking down the street, holding hands, laughing like they exist in their own little world, and i wonder if i’ll ever have that. or if i’m just meant to be on the outside, watching it happen for everyone else but me.