Love Stories

I feel fake sometimes like life isn't real in short episodes sometimes a few times a day the most. but I don't know why I feel like this. one second I'm fine just living the next I'm convinced nothing is real that I'm not real. it's really scary. but I don't think I'm describing it well so imma cut this short.

sincerely,

melody (13, f)

I hate college .

The course I'm doing is boring and we just do the same work over and over again and no one ever speaks up about it.

Every since the October half term I've had no help on a Wednesday. When they can be bothered to give me the help I need it's only for other one lesson or tow.

I also can't last the whole day at college due to my knee and if I do manage to last the whole day. I end up in a little of pain.

I then don't go into college at all the next day because I 'm just in to much pain and I struggle to put any weight on or through my knee.

I have also now got a date for physical therapy.

and just in general I don't know what to do anymore as I don't like and am not enjoying college and the course I'm doing and I'm debating weather or not to change course or just leave the college all together.

When other kids elsewhere probably fantasize about this longer than I do, I think about this for a bit, before I start panicking about every worst case scenario. This is why relationships...in general, are a risk. They're painful, bad, and they're not a thing I NEED to live in this world, they're just a liability. Like, I feel like an adult next to these buffoons in school! They can't see the risks, the pains, the agonies, they can't see all those dirt under the nice leopard-print carpet! And you know what, I can handle being alone with no one! They're a liability and risk anyways. Being tough and ROUGH is the way to go! I'm not soft, and I'm not gonna be vulnerable with anyone! No matter how much I want it, it's a sin on my part! It's like wanting drugs as a teen, it may smell good but it's bad for you! Aren't there any perks to not showing your vulnerability? it helps maintain your composure, you don't make things awkward or dangerous at work, it can make you look really stoic and composed and leader-like, and it makes you focus more on yourself and learn self-work by your SELF. See? You may say hiding vulnerabilities is bad, but ugh, when some movie characters do that, bam! Trusted the wrong person! Look at Elphaba and Madame Morrible with the Wizard of Oz, they were shams who couldn't read the magic book nor make magic, only for Oz! And she for her whole life wanted to be like him, but he's a useless man! Even I tried remembering the Wizard was a farsi, before the movie confirmed it again, because he looked suspicious!

I can be safe even from the "nicest" people. I was only BARELY ALIVE when I trusted mom so much to tell her things like "If I got Rem for Diwali, more fireworks would've sparked in the bedroom!" and she didn't react at all or I actually listened when she said she wanted to be my confidant and she didn't maybe shame me, but who knows? Maybe that's her way of being judgy. Still, just now, I wanted to hang out with a neighbor, but her friend came and they had some school project so I was essentially the weirdo stranger from downstairs. She may say we can play tomorrow, but because of my gut, I don't trust her. I don't trust anyone, so, I'm giving equality to people. I even don't trust mom when she says if I don't trust anyone, I'll be miserable. I wasn't crying when I got home, I just said to myself, "You had a weird gut feeling, and you were right!" I just felt more gray than blue. Plus, in Indian airports, considering how dumb the country can be, whenever I see guard dogs bark and play with the security for a bit, and the security is armed, I think they're fools. My grayness isn't depression, it's realization of truth. I'll just be NATE JACOBS, minus the abuse and power play. Come on, as dumb as people can be, why go out of my way to hurt them? I mean, look what happened. I kept cool, prioritized her, and left! I'm mature because I didn't cry nor feel sad, I just felt like, "Good I considered this." Same thing goes for when some people from school wave in the front. I don't think they're waving at me, I've seen this trope in movies too many times to not be fooled, and I'm right. They wave at their friends. I'm mature than them, right? Right?? I'm predicting the worst so I don't end up in bad situations. Like, she said she was being mean by asking me to leave, when I was being mean! I came to her house when her friend was meant to arrive only 10 minutes after me, and I was really quiet when her friend came. So yeah, me even being here and existing is mean, because I bet I smelled or didn't look good that time! She's 10 and I'm 13, so it's weird!

In fact, I should stop hanging out with her. Or anyone. I should stop making plans for anyone, and if anyone invites me, I won't come. Wanna know my mature reason? One time, a friend of mine wanted to let us visit in some mall, and because of stuff and a party she had before, we never went. Not only that, she's now bigger buddies with another girl. Good for her, foolish of me to even accept it. I don't know why for a while I cried about wanting one friend, if this also a big unnecessary risk. I won't hang out with that neighbor again, because well, this is what'll happen. Same thing goes if I dare, DARE, fall in love and date someone at 16, and then break up and call it worth it, god forbid. I fail to understand how movies, and REAL PEOPLE, say it's worth it. If it was, why else did you guys leave? I'm being like Kat from Euphoria, she's cynical and learnt from movies that to be cynical is empowering. I need to shove and stop this feeling. I'm shameful to assume friends are important. I can live like the great Syd Barrett, who managed. He only died from pancreatic cancer. Relationships hurt me, even friends! I've been abandoned, because it was my fault! It hurts! So I'll reject it. It only causes pain. That kinda love is...scary. Why do they say it was worth it if it all broke up then? It never clicked with me. If I were in that, I would cried, moved on, and chosen the life of a celibate permanently because...this is the result of even trying. As much as I'd hate to say this, but...I'm scared. Like, genuinely, really, really scared. Oscar said the same thing to Alex in the book RWRB, he loves Ellen and even though they divorced they don't regret it. Well, I would a lot. If I knew the instability, even the smallest signs, I'd leave before it'll get worse. See? I'm asexual! I may fantasize about love and snuggling, but it's all a dumb thing! Hah, dad was right. I had a crush for a girl, I never confessed to her because as young as 11 I know how unstable they were at this age in "the real world". Then at 12 I wanted to be a great friend, we had the mall plan, it never happened, and now she's with another close friend. I tried messaging her but she never responded, so naturally, I deleted and she never noticed. Right now in school, I lost my desire to even have a class crush a year ago, so whenever they joke about crushes, I behave like this. It's like when a person sees a puppy, you laugh and go, "Awww!" If I saw the puppy, I'd be scared a bit and go, "Oh, a puppy. It's fine." I'm asexual because I'm mature. I'm asexual because humans are garbage.

But with everything that happened, it won't get better. It won't. It's just that I learnt to be a warrior early, at 11. Now it's time to be a soldier, then general. My dad even said a good point, maybe he's right this time. Him and mom being together because they were in a long situation-ship in college and early careers before marrying and still being together for 16 years, is pure luck because "most of the time it doesn't happen". He's right. Maybe I can never find a love unless I arrange or work "somewhere", if you know what I mean. Mom's wrong to say maybe I can meet people "like me", when I'm older, because mom has a mini-friend who's 8 years younger than her and even though they work in different companies now, they somehow make some small time. But, it's a farce! Mom doesn't even meet her most of the time, college I heard is a crap experience, work I heard from dad everyone are losers or idiots or very competitive, the Internet is weird, and even then, humans are garbage. This is the only time dad's right! I'm more embarrassed I thought I'd have one friend when I was 11. I'll never be ashamed by my SUPER SQUID DEFENSE SYSTEM. I'm not alone, I'm an adult at 13! I'm a warrior squid, an eel who bites before anything bites her! I'm better than my classmates! I'm smarter than them, and I can't be hurt easily if anyone leaves anymore! In fact, I can leave them if I detect an OUNCE of instability. I'm a diamond, unbreakable, and I can work under societal pressure. Trust no one, listen to the rules to be safe from people, and never fight back or else you're a "snitch". My brother said one of the reasons I don't have a friend is because I'm a snitch. Like a squid I can squeeze out of bad stuff, like an eel I can bite back, and like I diamond, I can never ever be scratched or dented!

Because of my low self esteem, I went on a chatting website and made my pfp a picture that showed off my body to get compliments from guys so that I could feel better about myself. I ended up going a bit too far with this one guy and sent him an exposed picture of me. I feel guilt and worse than before.

"Okay so basically there is this guy"

Said like any girl ever, but like this time its for REAL.

Some Context:

Okay so this guy, Logan, is in my biology class, and he is REALLY cute. And like one of the first guys who has like shown me any interest.

Mind you I have never had; my first kiss, a boyfriend, a situationship, I HAVENT EVEN HAD A TALKING STAGE (so its like BAD BAD)

Basically, I think I first saw him the second day of school. I was in my Bio class and we had to get into groups to do a fun team working project. I was partnered up with around 3 of my friends and he was in a group that was sitting next to mine, but his seat was kinda perpendicular to mine. I noticed from the corner of my eye that he kept looking over in my direction, but again, I was sitting with 3 of my friends so I didn't know if he was looking at me or one of my friends. Through out the school year its like this whole cat and mouse game where I'll look over at him (we sit on opposite sides of the classroom) and I'll turn away and then he'll look over at me, i can see him out of the corner of my eye, and then he'll look away.

Slight dilema, one of the 3 friends i mentioned earlier sits RIGHT next to me, so he could still just be looking at HER. :(

I think i debunked this though because one of the days we ended our lecture early i went and sat next the my other friend in the class ( a different friend) and my seat was angles towards where he was (he was standing by another guy's desk) and BRO COULDN'T STOP LOOKING OVER AT ME AHHHHAHAHAHAHAH

Butttt, a few weeks ago we were working on a genetics paper and it was supposed to take us like all class period, but i find the genetic topic really easy so i finished in like 10 minutes. So my teacher asked if i wanted to help her make this basketball poster for the upcoming basketball season, and of couse, i said yes. So i stand up and walk over to where the table was the had all of the supplies for the poster and i start cutting out a basketball. Behind me to my left is a large bookshelf that has a small basketball hoop attached to it, and so far nobody in my class has touched it. But BAM suddenly these 2 guys decide now is the perfect time to start playing basketball, anywaysss logan joins them after a minute, and because the basket is right next to me i move around to the other side of the table. Then my teacher starts to play with them and they have a little competition, and for some reason they were being really loud so i looked up.....DIRECT EYE CONTACT (I nearly dieddddd)

Obviously im a bit delusional and it might be one of those things where i like the version of him in my head more than i like the actual him, but let a girl dream!!!!

Anywaysss, the way my class is set up the seats are basically the basic 2 person black tables but organized in a u with everybody facing the middle, like this:

___ ___

| |

| |

I sit here -> | * * *** |

|__________|

he sits here ---------->

The *'s are random seats my teacher has in the middle, with the 2 on the left being actual desks and the other 3 being bean bags. Last week Logan sat at the * closest to my seat....stealing this other guys spot!!!! But im lowkey really shy and quiet in that class so he talked to my friend who sits next to me most of the time, but its okay guys! No red flags there because she has a boyfriend and was literally asking him all class what she should gift her boyfriend for christmas.

I laughed at a few of his jokes and talked to him a little but not a lot :(

But the things is that for the next 2 days he didn't look at me at ALL, and then he wasn't at school for the last part of the week....

So basically I need help, like desperately! I know this just seems like a silly crush, but I would much rather takes risks in highschool than have no idea what im doing when im trying to find my husband after college, you feel me?

If anyone has any tips to like get him to notice me, or things i could do to interact with him more, that would help a lotttttttttt

Thank you all so much!!! <3 (oh and if ur a visual learner, like me, just imagine, cole walter from my life with the walter boys, but like an actual teenager, and a little bit younger)

I want to disappear sometimes change my name and never come back. I wanna feel happy without thinking about how fake it all feels. I just wanna sleep. and I miss this one person who was very dear to me I wanna talk to them I'm sad we don't talk anymore I just hope they're okay. I wanna be me again 'cause sometimes I feel like I've been trying to change myself for everyone else I forgot how to truly be me. I just want to find how I really am again without people judging me telling me how to act but maybe they do for good reason i am kinda annoying sometimes. and I wish I felt pretty and talented like everyone says I am but I don't anymore. I wish I just had someone to make me feel whole again and make me believe the things people tell me.

Sincerely,

Melody (13,f)

today I just saw in silence for about 25 minutes just tearing into myself about how I'm falling behind and I can't do anything right I just feel so stuck. and the weird part is I don't like being in silence I find it a little creepy and when I finally snapped out of it I just looked at myself in the mirror and started taking apart my body and when I wake up in the morning I just have to get up and act like everything's fine nothing's fine anymore I think I'm starting to really hate myself I really hate myself.

Melody (13 f)

I literally so f****** overwhelmed like I bit my hand and it started to bruise so I don't know how I'm going to cover that up and then my brother is a so incompetent because whenever we have to go to the field because I have to choreograph and I can't choreograph at home because I can't tumble at home so we have to go out to this football field so I can do it without hurting myself it's always my car doesn't have enough gas my step mom just quit her job so her car is free so I just got off the phone with him he's like well my check engine light just came on and I'm like well Miss Jasmine still there because she quit her job so ask her if we can use her car cuz she's most likely going to say yes so he's like oh I don't know cuz I have to ask her I'm like then ask her and mind you he's 18 acting like he's a freaking 14 year old I'm going to be 14 soon and I'm acting more return than he is he needs to grow up he's not done with school he hasn't even started applying to call it is he doesn't have a job I have a job I am almost at school I should be done in April and she already going to high school like he needs to get his act together and you know what I'm talking really bad about him and I love him he's a great brother but it's just sometimes he like pushes my buttons and I babysit my sister and she don't want to be a girl and so a lot of the time she's also pushing my buttons and I can't deal with it like I was literally thinking about banging my head against the wall and that's the way that I hurt myself like it's a form of self harm so but I have I had to stop myself and like I was getting so overwhelmed and then whenever I try to tell someone that I'm over one they told me that it's not that important so like I have no one to talk to I have no friends I don't have a boyfriend I don't have anything so like I'm just over here struggling by myself whatever my parents say your feelings are important I want to f****** laugh in their faces because we both know that you don't really truly think that you're saying that because it looks better than saying don't tell me you're feelings because true you're not going to care about them and when you do care about them your lecturing me about how I should feel instead of saying the way you're feeling right now is valid but I'm going to explain the situation to you tell me you understand it a bit better and maybe that can help change your feelings on this and help you feel better about them I don't know if this even makes sense I am ranting I'm like actually shaking with how upset and overstimulated I am right now but it's whatever that's it bye

sincerely,

Melody

I feel so far behind like, everything is against me. I can't anymore I just want people to listen I want friends a boyfriend or girlfriend who won't undermine how I feel. I just wanna feel like me.

sincerely,

Melody (13 f)

I just wanna date. like have someone to hug kiss cuddle. feel less lonely but I'm only 13 but if anyone near that age wants to let me know cause please.

love me pleasssseee

love,

Melody (fake name)

So, yeah. I'm 13, and love, romantic love is...weird. I think I'm ace, but I don't know, I do sometimes crave for love from any gender. Like, why should gender matter? But I feel weird. Like, nobody's dating where I live, very few do, but I don't know. I just feel scared of that kinda relationship. You know, things could go wrong, really WRONG. What if that person's cheating, a fraud, very toxically passive-aggressive and mean that way, or you just start arguing out of nowhere and break up. It's happened to real couples, they seem fine until they fall out of love and fight til they fall down from exhaustion. It'll just happen. I've seen so many people, teens, fall in love in flings, and Wham! They break up for many reasons, they were morons, they found another fling, their parents called it forbidden love, one or both become abusive, or just move away with family. It's an unnecessary risk, which is why at this age, I'm scared and disgusted and ashamed. Why fall in love, if this is the risk independent love causes? That's one of the many benefits arranged marriages carry, it's stable, predictable, normal, because someone decided you to be with someone. In stories, they fall in love genuinely, better than their own romance!

I never understood why I was against the idea of love where you're in charge, because there are all those risks I mentioned. For some reason, my idiotic heart wants to be in love when I think of me in a nice relationship, but when it thinks that way I say to myself, "WHAT THE!? WHY ARE YOU FEELING THIS?! YOU WANT THEM TO FIND YOU IN A MALL, A PARK, A CLASSROOM, A SUPERMARKET OR ANYWHERE ELSE WHERE YOU WANT THEM TO EVEN BE YOUR FRIEND!? THAT ONLY HAPPENS IN MOVIES YOU DUMMY! IT ONLY HAPPENS IN FICTION WHERE YOU EITHER BEAUTIFULLY OR AWKWARDLY MEET SOMEONE SOMEWHERE, BECAUSE IN REAL LIFE, YOU NEVER WILL! YOU READ DOLLY ALDERTON'S BOOK, SHE NEVER FOUND A RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE SHE TREATED THEM LIKE EARNING POKEMON CARDS, NOT REAL LOVE AND SHE REALIZED THIS LATE! STOP THINKING ABOUT BEING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE, BECAUSE IN THIS WORLD, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND SOMEONE TO SNUGGLE, CUDDLE IN BED, SHARE FOOD, SHARE CLOTHES AND HAVE A NICE TIME WITH THAT YOU LIKE, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE! YOU HAVE THE FACE OF A GOBLIN, YOU HAVE INTERESTS IN THINGS NOBODY KNOWS, NOT EVEN THE ADULTS, YOU'RE SHORT, AND YOU CAN BE MEAN AS HELL WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY! WHY ARE YOU EVEN THINKING ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS, THIS YOUNG AND WHILE BEING THIS STUPID!? GAH, WHENEVER YOU READ THOSE STUPID ROMANCE BOOKS YOU WANT A PIECE OF THAT PIE AS WELL, YOU'RE SELFISH! YOU'VE SEEN EUPHORIA, CASSIE SEARCHED SO MUCH FOR 'LOVE' IT HURTED HER AND SHE DATED FREAKIN' NATE JACOBS AND MCKAY, BOTH ARE JERKS! BEING SINGLE IS COOL, SO WHY EVEN BOTHER?! WHY ARE YOU EVEN LONGING?! TO FILL OUT THE FACT YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A FRIEND FOR 7 YEARS BECAUSE OF YOU!? YOU SHOULD'VE SPOKEN ABOUT THEM ONLY, GAWKED ABOUT HOW GREAT THEY ARE COMPARED TO YOU, AND NEVER EVER HAVE BEEN SARCASTICALLY MEAN! HECK, YOU'LL NOT EVEN GET FRIENDS EVER AT THIS RATE! WHAT PRISON AHVE I PUT MYSELF INTO WITH THIS IDEA OF 'LOVE' I SO MUCH WANT?! IT'S A WANT, AND NEEDS ARE MORE IMPORTANT!"

Just, why? I bet this is my dumb hormones acting up, I bet I'll be fine isolated from the world. I bet I'll be happier either alone or in an arranged marriage. You introverts love being alone with your thoughts, right? I can be that person, not the one who falls in love again and again with bad people, or with her being the issue and ruining the relationship.

To preface, yes, I am still a young adult, and logically I understand that I have many years ahead of me and many more people I've yet to meet. But I can't help but feel helpless about my current situation.

In brief, I'm deeply in love with my best friend and I have been for just over 2 years now.

As for the messy details, both of us were in relationships not that long ago, both with people in our wider group of friends. I broke up with my partner partially due to not knowing if I was ready for a long term relationship, partially due to festering guilt over my feelings for this friend (which I had since before getting into that relationship). He broke up with his because they didn't feel compatible, and he is aroace and wasn't able to meet their romantic needs.

To me, he is one of the most attentive, kind, funny, and wonderful people I have ever met. I am not a people person, and even people I like drain my energy. But I feel like I need to spend time with him to recharge. Of course, nobody is flawless, I just find him absolutely irresistible. Maybe it would be easier to deal with these feelings if they were clearly unrequited, as I assumed they would be considering his identity, but this isn't exactly the case?

He doesn't really drink, and even when he does he almost never gets drunk. The first time he ever got truly drunk around me was after we were both newly single, and he told me he loved me and that he felt a way about me he'd never felt for anyone before. I didn't want to take this 100% seriously considering how drunk he was (he didn't even remember saying it!) but he repeated it again later, sober. Since then, we have become very close. In my eyes, and in the eyes of those around us, we act essentially like we are in a relationship. Yet, we don't call it that. It's 'nothing official', and he doesn't want it to be anything like that. To make it messier, neither of our exes know about this, nor do our friends in that particular circle.

It's painful and confusing; to be held through the night and cooked breakfast in the morning, to be kissed and told I'm lovely, to be told "I love you," and know there is an undertone of "Not quite in the way that you mean it." (This is something we have directly discussed and that he has told me).

I feel like I need to be loved romantically and the security of a relationship. I am also not asexual and would like sexual intimacy he has no interest in—he will do some things on request but it seems more like a service to fulfill, so I don't really ask. I know this situation is not healthy. I just don't think I can bring myself to be distant with him. The time we spend together is when I can feel the most at home in body and mind, and he's helped me feel happiness like I've never felt before. He has quickly become my rock, especially as I have recently become physically unwell quite quickly, and he's taken on burdens in looking after me with no complaints.

There is no way I'm falling out of love with this man any time soon. I'm stuck like this, swinging between euphoria of spending time with him and insecure spiralling about his identity or lack of attraction towards me. He wants things to carry on as they have been, but I don't know if I can handle that. But if I were somehow able to tear myself away I think I would feel just as much pain, if not more, mourning our closeness. I think I'm doomed either way.

TL;DR: I am in a messy, doomed situationship with my aroace best friend.

this happened two years ago now, but I cannot look at her without sobbing. for some backstory, we were both teens when this happened, both females. we're gonna call her fay. well, fay had just gotten into a relationship and she loved her girlfriend. I was her best friend at the time, but fay wanted more, and she liked to remind me of this. she would always be all over me, touching me in ways that made me sooooooo uncomfortable. it got to a point I screamed in the middle of the mall in town that I'd call her girlfriend and she snatched my phone out of my hands and begged for me not to. well, she had forced me to shower with her and pulled my bathing suit top down. she also attempted to "get in my pants." WELL. fay started cheating on her girlfriend. and this happened many, many times. when I told said girlfriend, fay blamed an unaliving attempt on me because of her actions. I blocked her and had a panic attack nearly all night because I genuinely thought I had done something wrong. guess what? they're still together. now, fay is trying to be my friend again. she showed up to color guard auditions and I had to run away crying because she loves to take things I've loved: guard, instruments, names, clothing styles, music tastes, so on and so forth. what do I do? how do I keep distance, and how can I process everything? I don't know.

anyone else who has problems with pain in their knees that nothing seems to help.

What do you do ?

As I've been struggling for yolears but lately my knee is getting worse and nothing seems to be helping not even the new dose of ibuprofen my doctor has proscribed me and she did say I could take it up to 3 times a day but I don't like taking it or any pills as I've burnt my stomach lining after take ibuprofen.

Any ops will be useful.

🌟

I keep asking myself why things go the way they do, and maybe you can tell me if you see something I don’t. I’m 19, I’m a guy, and every time I get a girlfriend she leaves me after a few days or maybe a couple weeks. It feels like a pattern I can’t break, but I’m trying to stay calm and hopeful about it. I’m not rude or anything like that. I’m polite, I respect women, I listen, and I try not to talk too much about myself. I’m not ugly but not beautiful either, just somewhere in the middle like many people. I’m not rich, not poor. My clothes look fine because my mom picks everything for me, and she actually has good taste even if I feel a bit embarassed about telling people that. The weird thing is I don’t fight with the girls I date. I don’t yell or get angry or act controlling. I try to show kindness. I try to be normal. Yet after a few days they start saying “I feel like something is missing” or “I don’t know what I want right now,” and then they just pull away. I don’t blame them, but it makes me wonder. Is something wrong with me? Or am I just in the wrong place, wrong time, wrong stage of life without noticing it?

Sometimes when I look back at each short relationship, I feel detached, like I’m watching a movie of someone else’s life. I try to be objective. What did I do wrong? Was I too polite? Too quiet? Too available? Maybe I answer messages too quickly. Maybe I say “yes” too often. Or maybe I don’t say enough interesting things. Maybe I’m boring. I don’t know. It’s strange because I like peaceful moments. I like sitting next to someone without forcing words. But I guess a lot of girls my age want excitement or drama or something that keeps the energy high. One girl even told me, “You’re too calm,” like it was a bad thing. I don’t think calm is bad. It helps me think clearly. Still, when someone says that, I start thinking maybe I should be louder or more spontaneous or more chaotic or something like that. But that wouldn’t be me. I don’t want to pretend to be someone else. Maybe the right person will like the calm. Maybe she will like the silence too. I keep telling myself “the right girl will stay,” even if it feels like a quote from some cliché poster on the wall. But sometimes clichés help when your heart is a little confused.

I try to stay positive. I really do. I look forward, not backwards. I keep reminding myself that I’m still young. Nineteen is nothing, right? I haven’t even figured out my own life plan yet. Maybe that’s part of the reason things fall apart fast. Maybe girls my age also don’t know what they want. Maybe everyone is just trying random things to see what feels right. I even looked up some stuff online, and I read somewhere, “Early relationships are practice, not final results.” That made me feel lighter. It was like someone telling me it’s okay to not have everything perfect now. I can accept that. I don’t feel angry at the girls who left. I don’t think they’re bad or mean. I think they’re lost too, the same as me. And even if my relationships were short, at least I tried. At least I opened up a little. At least I cared. And caring is something I don’t want to lose. I would rather be a caring person than someone who pushes feelings away. Even if it hurts a little at the end. Pain fades anyway. Hope stays longer.

So I guess I’m writing this to ask you honestly: is something wrong with me? Or maybe nothing is wrong and life is just doing its weird confusing thing. I’m not perfect, but I don’t feel broken. I don’t feel hopeless. I just feel like a person trying to understand himself while watching people drift in and out of his life. Maybe relationships ending quickly isn’t a sign that I’m unlovable. Maybe it’s just timing. Maybe it’s the age. Maybe it’s just normal and I’m overthinking it. I hope so. I hope things will change slowly, like weather getting warmer after a long cold week. I hope next time I meet someone, things last a little longer. And even if they don’t, I’ll keep going. I’ll keep learning. I’ll keep trying. Life is still long for me, and I want to stay hopeful. So tell me, what do you think? Am I missing something obvious? Or should I just relax, breathe, and trust that it will all make sense someday?