Couple Stories

I love my husband very much. He's always been there for me and he's very supportive and I feel very fortunate to him in my life. That being said he also has some neurotic tendencies. I'm well aware of them and I'm pretty sure he's had them since forever. His parents have kind of warned me about them but I'm a very understanding person and for the most part I can easily address his tendencies and then kind of calm him down.

I'm also somewhat positive that he's probably on the spectrum and refuses to get tested because of the negative connotations. I was recently tested and I'm on the spectrum as well, high functioning but it just helps explain some of my unique tendencies.

Some of his "tendencies" are also linked to separation anxiety or abandonment issues. I don't know where they stem from I just know that when we are separate from each other, his actions feel exacerbated.

He's away at a conference right now and he always gets super clingy when he's away. I don't do anything different and just live my life how I do everyday but he's always blowing up my phone and if I don't pick up or respond to his text, he gets super clingy and worried, and like even more clingy than before. If I don't pick up his text messages or his phone calls, he will check my location just to make sure I am where I say I am. I've never cheated on him, I will not cheat on him. I have been cheated on before and I think it's terrible. When we first entered our relationship 8 years ago, We express to each other that we had both been cheated on and that it's something we would never do to each other. We both agree that if we want out of the relationship, it's easier to tell the other person that rather than to play with their emotions . We also have a very open and honest communication relationship. We talk daily and we tell each other everything. It does not bother me, it's like we are best friends.

Right now, we are also in the stages of buying a house. While he was away I noticed a house that popped up on the market and I reached out to a realtor because I I thought it would be good to tour it before someone else makes an offer on it. The house is great. It matches all of our needs and while I was touring the house with my agent, I also had the pleasure of being on my phone with my husband through FaceTime. I didn't necessarily want to FaceTime him and I wanted to experience the house but he was adamant that I walk through the house with him. When we finish walking through the house I thought maybe we should put through an offer because it does meet all of our needs and it's in our price point. My husband was adamant that we need to tour it again with him in person before we put down an offer. I told our agent that I would prefer if she did the research to find out if anyone is making an offer or if the house has any potential offers because I don't want to lose this house and I'm prepared to put forth an offer before my husband sees the house. My husband heard all of this through FaceTime. While we were leaving the house, my husband wanted me to show him the front yard so I did that and then I wanted to leave and I got in my car to drive off and I hung up on him through FaceTime. Immediately after hanging up on him, he started calling me on my phone. I didn't respond the first time so he called again and again, and again...this time while I was backing out of the driveway. I ended up turning down the wrong street and going down the road the wrong way because he kept calling my phone and it gave me weird anxiety and distracted me.

He knew I was leaving to drive home and yet he called me six times. I don't have a new car. I have an old Hyundai . I do not have a touch screen or even a backup cam. I have a very standard 2012 Hyundai Accent. I have the old school Bluetooth. I have to hit a button on my steering wheel to pick up the call. I was so flustered by all of his phone calls that I had to pull over, pick up the phone and collect myself. He wanted to talk more about the house. I was so pissed because I felt like he was hounding me and all I was trying to do was go home. He didn't give me any space and I didn't appreciate that. He also was frantic and wanted to talk all about it and said that he arranged for another tour when he lands back home after his conference Even though our agent had already scheduled a tour... Now, he wants me to pick him up from the airport and drive him to the house just so he can see it in person and we can do the tour together. I'm annoyed. I feel like he doesn't trust my opinion and I feel like he talks over me and at me, not with me. I think I'm just venting this out because I want to understand if my feelings are validated or not.

ok so like i don’t wanna sound mean or ungrateful or whatever, but my boyfriend is sooo clingy and i honestly don’t kno what to do about it anymore. like at first i thought it was cute, you kno? he’d always text me good morning and good night, always want to talk and tell me how much he likes me and stuff. and yeah, that felt nice at the beginning, cuz i never really had someone like pay that much attention to me before. but now it’s like... too much. like way too much. he wants to talk all the time, like literally 24/7. if i don’t answer his text in like 10 mins he starts asking if i’m mad or if something’s wrong or if i’m "losing feelings" 😩. like no dude, i was just doing homework or eating dinner with my fam, calm down!! i can’t even breathe without him needing some kind of reassurance, and it’s starting to really bug me.

it’s not just the texting either. he always wants to be with me at school too, like during lunch or between classes and even when i’m just tryna hang out with my other friends, he’s there. always right there. and i feel bad saying this but like... sometimes i just wanna chill with my girls without him clinged to me like glue 😭. one time i told him i needed a lil space to just hang with my friends and he got all quiet and moody for the rest of the day, like i did something wrong. like i’m not even allowed to have time without him or something. it’s starting to feel like i’m in this relationship with a puppy who cries the second you leave the room. i know that sounds harsh but fr that’s how it feels sometimes. nd the more i try to pull back a little, the more he pushes in closer.

what really gets me is that i don’t even think he means to be like this. like i know he likes me a lot, and that’s sweet and all, but it’s like he doesn’t understand that people need space too. like, being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to be glued together 24 hours a day. i wanna miss him sometimes. i wanna have space to think, to breathe, to still be my own person. but every time i try to explain that to him, he acts like i’m breaking up with him or something. and i’m not! i don’t even want to break up. i just want him to chill out a bit. it’s just getting so hard to enjoy anything when i feel like i’m constantly babysitting his feelings. like, i can’t even say “i’m busy” without a whole dramatic convo about whether or not i still care about him. bro, it’s not that deep, i just got math homework 😭.

i really don’t know what to do at this point. i don’t wanna hurt him cuz he’s honestly such a sweet guy and i know he means well, but this clingy stuff is really driving me nuts. i feel like if i keep letting it slide, i’m gonna start really resentin him, and that’s not fair to either of us. but if i bring it up again, i’m scared he’s just gonna shut down like always and make me feel bad again. i’m only 16 and already feel like i’m stuck in this adult relationship with all this pressure, when it’s supposed to be fun and cute, right? i just wish he could trust that i care about him even if we don’t talk 24/7. idk maybe i’m the bad one here for wanting space, maybe i’m just not ready for this kinda thing. but i really hope he can back off a little without it turning into some huge thing, cuz if not… i’m not sure how much longer i can keep doing this.

It just hurts so much, when I got married thought it would be a forever thing. Now sitting alone, in an empty house, just hurting, angry, guilty, lonely.

Me and my now ex husband met online, neither of us looking for anyone. He had just separated from his 1st wife, and me really not needing the drama of a relationship. We chatted for a few years, then finally met up. He lived in another state, and even then we weren't offical another couple of years. Dated for a year, engaged a year, and a little over a decade of marriage all over red rover.

Before we got married I asked him if he was gay, there were "red flags", but he assured me he was not. Decade of practically sexless marriage, saying that he wanted children but always finding reasons to not do what you need to get them.

I'm such a stupid pathetic girl, I can't be mad at him for who he is, but I am so angry. He is out fucking anything with a penis, but faked heart attacks, asma attacks, etc when all i wanted was a baby he said he wanted too.

I'm trying to be happy and perky for those around me, cause people really don't want to hear it.

I've been too ashamed to speak to anyone for many years about what has been happening. it's hence sharing hear.

It’s hard to explain to people without sounding dramatic. From the outside, everything probably looks fine. We’ve been married for eight years, we don’t fight often, we keep the house clean, pay our bills on time, and take care of the kids. But behind all that routine is this empty space between us that keeps getting wider. He’s here, but he’s not really here. My husband is emotionally unavailable, and it feels like I’m married to a shadow. When something upsets me, he doesn’t ask questions. He doesn’t comfort. He just nods or says “Sorry you feel that way,” and moves on like I didn’t just open uup my chest and hand him my heart. I’ve learned to stop expecting warmth. I’ve learned to cry quietly in the bathroom so I don’t make him uncomfortable. And that’s the part that breaks me—how me feeling something seems to bother him more than it bothers me.

I didn’t always notice it this deeply. In the beginning, it was just little things—him brushing off serious conversations, or giving one-word answers when I tried to connect. But back then, I thought maybe he just needed time, that maybe it was hard for him to express himself. He had a rough childhood, he never really saw healthy communication growing up, and I gave him grace for that. Maybe too much grace. I thought love would soften him. I thought my patience would eventually make him feel safe enough to open up. But years passed, and I realized I was building a bridge alone, with no one walking toward me on the other side. Every time I tried to talk about our lack of emotional closeness, he’d say, “I don’t know what you want me to do.” As if connection was a task, and not a part of being in love. I’ve begged for something deeper, and all I get is distance in return.

Now I just feel tired. I feel lonely in a house with someone who promised to be my partner. I scroll through my phone, seeing couples who laugh together, cry together, talk—and I feel like I’m watching life happen from a glass window. I envy people who feel seen. I try to bring it up sometimes, gently, hoping something clicks, but it never does. He shuts down, gets quiet, or changes the subject. I’m not asking for grand romantic speeches or poetry—I just want him to notice me. To feel with me. But it’s like there’s a wall I can’t break, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep knocking. I still love him, but I don’t feel loved in return. And I wonder, often, if this is all marriage will ever be—doing life together, but never really together.

I never imagined I’d be the kind of woman who would ask that question. How to forgive my husband, this f***** cheater? Let alone a man who cheated twice. When I got married at 25, I thought I was building something solid, something lasting. My husband was my best friend, my partner, the father of my children. We shared dreams, built a home, raised two beautiful kids. And now, at 39, I feel like I’m standing in the ruins of what we built—still trying to convince myself it’s worth saving, even though every part of me feels tired, confused, and honestly… heartbroken.

The first time he cheated, it felt like the ground disappeared beneath me. I was blindsided. He said it was a mistake, that it didn’t mean anything. We went to therapy. He cried. I cried more. And I made the choice to stay—for our children, for our history, for the hope that maybe it really was just a mistake. I wanted to believe in redemption. I needed to. And for a while, things did get better. He seemed present again. Kinder. More involved with the kids, more engaged in our marriage. I let my guard down, started to trust again… and then he did it again. Different woman. Different time. Same betrayal.

That second time broke something in me. Not just trust, but a piece of my identity as a wife, a partner. I ask myself every day, am I weak for staying? Or strong for trying again? There’s no easy answer. Some mornings I wake up and feel like I should pack a bag and go. Other mornings, I look at our kids and think, how can I blow up their world just because I’m hurting? They love him. They need him. And he’s not a bad father—he’s just… a man who made selfish, hurtful decisions. But how do I reconcile that with the love I used to feel? With the way I used to look at him and see my future? Now I look at him and see a stranger I still share a bed with.

I’ve googled the question so many times—how to forgive a cheater, can a marriage survive infidelity, should I stay or leave. The advice always sounds so clean, so clear-cut. “Rebuild trust.” “Open communication.” “Set boundaries.” But in real life, it’s not that simple. It’s waking up next to someone whose phone buzzes and your stomach drops. It’s hearing “I love you” and wondering if he said that to her too. It’s putting on a smile for your children when all you want to do is scream. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at him again and not remember. And yet, I also don’t know how to fully walk away. I’m caught in between two impossible choices: stay and swallow the pain, or leave and shatter the only life I’ve known for nearly two decades.

I don’t have the answer yet. Maybe forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. Maybe it’s something I’ll have to choose every day, even on the days when I hate him a little. Or maybe I’ll wake up one day and realize I’ve stayed too long. All I know is, I’m trying. Trying to be a good mom. Trying to make sense of a heart that still feels shattered. Trying to find myself again in the middle of all this. People talk about forgiveness like it’s a gift you give someone else, but I think, right now, it’s something I’m trying to give to myself—permission to hurt, to feel lost, to not have it all figured out. And maybe, eventually, to let go. Whether that means letting go of the anger, or of him entirely… I’m still not sure.

I am married to the most amazing human being I have ever met in my entire life. We've never clashed very much since meeting each other, but now that he's lost his job, it's constant feelings of tired, burnt-out, overwhelmed, anxious, and depression. I know he's trying really hard to find a new job, but it's been months now. I can't keep working overtime and still not having enough money to cover all of our bills. It's giving me PTSD from an ex-boyfriend who I was in a similar situation with. He doesn't do much aside from cooking dinner every once in a while.... Our house is a mess, our fur babies are sometimes forgotten about... All he talks about is getting and selling weed...I'm just tired and I don't know what to do....

I never thought I’d be the kind of man to ask myself this question. I’ve been married for fifteen years. We’ve built a home, a life, four amazing children together. I’ve always believed we had something solid, something real. But lately, I can’t ignore the feeling in my gut that something’s changed. That something’s off. It’s been two months now, and I can’t shake the tension that creeps into our everyday moments—the small silences, the distant looks, the texts she doesn’t let me see. I feel like a stranger in my own home sometimes.

It started subtly. A few late nights here and there. She’d say she had errands or wanted to get some time to herself. Which, fine, I get it. She’s a mom of four, she deserves space. But the pattern grew. Now it’s late night “drives,” phone calls she takes in the other room, messages she replies to with that tilted screen thing like she’s trying to shield it from my eyes. When I ask who it was, she gives short answers. Vague ones. And then changes the subject.

She used to tell me everything—how her day went, the people she talked to, little random things she saw online. Now, it feels like I have to beg for a conversation. Half the time, she’s scrolling on her phone or texting someone while I’m talking, nodding along distractedly. And the phone, man… it’s never out of her reach. Not even when she showers. Not even when she sleeps. She used to leave it lying around, no big deal. Now it’s always face down or tucked into her sweater pocket. And maybe I’m just being paranoid, but that stuff adds up.

What’s worse is that I can’t even talk to anyone about it. I can’t exactly go around asking people, “Hey, do you think my wife’s cheating on me?” It feels like betrayal just to say it out loud. I haven’t told my friends, and God knows I’d never bring it up to our kids. They’re still young, still looking at us like we’re the example of love and stability. I don’t want to take that away from them. Not unless I know for sure. But not knowing is driving me insane.

I’ve thought about going through her phone. I haven’t yet, but the temptation is there. Late at night, when she’s asleep and I’m lying next to her staring at the ceiling, wondering if the woman I love is lying to me… I think about it. About just unlocking it and seeing for myself. But then I ask myself—if I have to do that, hasn’t something already broken? Even if there’s no affair, the trust is already crumbling. I don’t want to be the suspicious husband. I want to believe in her. I want to believe in us.

But she’s not the same lately. There’s a coldness sometimes. Or maybe it’s just a distance. We don’t laugh like we used to. The inside jokes, the little gestures, even intimacy—it’s all changed. It’s not just less, it’s… different. Like she’s somewhere else when we’re together. And when I try to reach her, she puts on a smile, tells me she’s tired or stressed, says I’m imagining things. Maybe I am. But maybe I’m not.

I’m not perfect. I know that. I’ve made mistakes, I’ve been distracted, I’ve taken her for granted at times. Maybe she’s feeling unseen. Maybe there’s someone else who’s making her feel special, who’s giving her attention I stopped giving. And that possibility wrecks me. Not just because I’d be hurt, but because it means I failed her. Failed us. I keep thinking back to how we used to be—how we danced in the kitchen, how we made plans for the future, how we looked at each other like there was no one else in the world.

Now I look at her and I see someone who might be keeping secrets. Someone who still kisses me goodbye but doesn’t look me in the eyes. And I don’t know how much longer I can live like this—trapped between doubt and denial, wondering if I’m losing her day by day and just too scared to confront it. I don’t even know what I’d do if she admitted it. I don’t know if I’d leave, or if I’d try to fix it. I just know that the silence between us is getting louder.

So yeah, I don’t have answers. Only questions that eat at me every day. Is she cheating? Or am I just afraid of what it means if she’s not but still doesn’t love me the same anymore? I don’t know which answer would hurt more. All I know is, something’s wrong. And I’m terrified to find out what it really is.

okay so this isn't a sad story or anything but I just need a few gift ideas for my boyfriendddd. our 1 year anniversary is coming up but I have no clue what to get him. the past months we've been together, I got him all the gifts he's wanted. I've asked him what he wants but he says he isn't sure himself on what he wants. I already planned out a date at a restaurant and a lil picnic date at the park but I feel like it might not be enough. does anyone have any other ideas for what else I could do to make it really special for him? :')

I have been in a relationship for the past two years with this man and i love him to death and would do anything for him honestly. But him not caring enough to plan anything or gift me anything not even a small rose on my birthday made me think he doesn’t feel the same about me anymore but he gifted me this veryy expensive bag last month out of the blue cause he felt like it and now when i confronted him about not gifting me anything he said to me that the bag was my gift which honestly i love and appreciate but he could’ve atleast planned a date if he wasn’t gonna gift me anything, he didn’t even post a simple story in Instagram wishing me or anything which is all right but its just that birthdays are the only days you can make someone feel extra special and if i am being honest i have been planning his birthday since January and his birthday is in august so it hurt me a bit that he didn’t do anything for me.

man, i swear my brain just dont kno how to chill. like, i tell myself stop overthinking but then i start overthinking about overthinking and it just never stops. i love my gf, i really do, but sometimes i feel like im ruining everything just bc my brain wont shut up. like, she’ll text me something simple, like “talk later, busy” and my brain immediately jumps to the worst. is she mad? did i do somethin? is she talkin to someone else? and then i gotta fight myself not to double text, not to say somethin stupid, not to ask questions that will make me look like an insecure idiot. and i hate it. i hate feelin like im too much, like im suffocating her with my own thoughts. but i don’t know how to stop.

it’s not even like she’s given me a reason to feel this way. she’s always been good to me, always been there, always says she loves me. but my brain don’t trust good things. my brain is always waiting for the "but". like, yeah, things are good now, but what if she gets bored? what if she realizes im not enough? what if she’s just staying bc she feels bad for me? it’s like i keep lookin for proof that something’s wrong even when everything is fine. nd it’s exhausting. bc then i act weird, she notices, she asks what’s wrong, and then i gotta lie and say "nothing, just tired" bc what am i supposed to say?? “oh, im just convincing myself u secretly hate me”???

sometimes i think maybe it’s just a me problem. like, maybe i just dont know how to be happy, maybe i need some kinda reassurance constantly that no normal person is willing to give. nd i kno that’s not fair. she’s her own person, she has her own life, she can’t spend every second proving she loves me just bc my brain refuses to believe it. nd the stupidest part? the more i overthink, the more i actually push her away. like, it’s this messed up cycle where i get anxious about losing her, so i act weird, nd then bc im acting weird, things feel off, nd then im like "see?? somethings wrong!!". except the only thing wrong is me.

so yeah, how to stop overthinking in a relationship? hell if i know. if i knew, i wouldn’t be sitting here at 2 am analyzing a text she sent five hours ago like it’s some kinda secret code. maybe i just need to chill. maybe i need to trust that not everyone is gonna leave, that not every silence is bad, that i dont need to be perfect for someone to love me. but thats easier said than done. so for now, i guess i just gotta fake it. pretend im not overthinking until maybe, one day, i actually won’t be.

I’m not looking for advice because I know I’m gonna get an abortion I’m just shocked. Condom broke, neither of us realised, I got pregnant. I’m getting an abortion this weekend and I know it’s the best choice I’m just scared. No one’s explained to me what’s going to happen I feel so embarrassed. 😭

I moved across the country to be with someone let everyone I know behind. Everything was perfect when we were long distant. We would talk everyday, FaceTime all day. Then after I moved it just seemed to stop. It’s the little things I miss. The good morning texts, the kisses goodbye of I’m sleeping and they have to work. Sending TikTok’s all day . All of it just stopped and o feel like I’m just being dumb.. like that stuff shouldn’t matter, but.. done some reason it does to me.

yeah,im back again..and well its me and this same boy...

me and him been together for 7 months..and it was secret.

im never allowed to date..yeah...but i did like him alot.even tho i was getting in trouble in process.

its a long distance.we go to diffrent schools...see eachother 1 time a month..for a few days...then its back to me going away...

you see my mum as a place where we go,and his mum has a place...i live w my dad and so does he...so my mum and us goes to her place like once a month.

ok ok...so its been normal..nun really..but recently i go in trouble. thats when my mum almost beat me to death.

i was talking to him in a shop..and that person who owns the shop lied and told my uncle shit about me,well stank up my name.

{the shop owners dad sexually harassed me,so she wanted revenge for her dad}

i know im wrong for going in that shop..but it had something i needed there...where the other places didn't had...so me n my cousin went...then we saw him..we met him in their...our eyes met we laughed and talked...but little did i know i was gonna be in a lot of trouble.]

i did. i did get yelled at when my mum found out i talked to a boy...yet alone went by that shop...i know im wrong...and everyone says shit bout me now..bad person..lair...this that,i hide it ..ok?

yeah so i cried. cried..got frustrated..my aunt kept mocking me about it...but why does she always has to? yes i gets she is looking out for me..its not like im gonna get pregnant...i know what i'm doing...

he knows how my family is...how strict,messy..an yeah i risk it for him....for love.

he makes me feel something i can't feel..he sees the best in me when everyone sees something else...his smile is adorable...-

he makes me giggle,heh-... i love him yeah....but im getting hurt alot in process...im in thin tread...i could get beat to death from my mum...and trust me it almost happened....

i love him alot...but im hurting myself more in process...i don't wanna end it...but i fear to keep it...i love him alot...and its not like everyday we see eachother...again its long distance...so...its-....i dunno...i cry bc im frustrated...mums disappointed...i just need a break...and help...my grandma says i can speak to him,its nothing...i-...i just need...i just want his hugs and kisses...i love him..and i know..well..think that he loves me alot more..<3

I don’t know when I started asking myself this question so much, but lately, it’s like a constant loop in my head—Am I annoying? I’ve been married to my husband for 15 years, and I swear, sometimes it feels like he’s just tired of me. Not in a dramatic, we-need-to-divorce way, but in a way that makes me feel like I talk too much, like I repeat myself, like I ask too many little questions or bring up too many unimportant things. I’ll be telling him about my day, something small that happened, and I see it—that slight change in his face, the way his eyes shift away, the little sigh, like he’s waiting for me to finish. And I feel stupid. I feel like I should just shut up, like maybe whatever I was saying wasn’t worth saying in the first place. And I don’t think he even realizes he does it, which somehow makes it worse. Because if he noticed, maybe he’d at least pretend better. Maybe he’d reassure me, tell me I’m not annoying, that he still wants to hear what I have to say. But he doesn’t. He just listens—barely—and moves on, like I was just background noise. And I try not to let it get to me, but it does.

It’s not just him, either. I notice it everywhere now. With friends, with coworkers, even with strangers sometimes. I’ll say something and immediately second-guess myself. Did I talk too long? Did they actually care, or were they just being polite? Am I making people uncomfortable by taking up too much space? It’s like I’ve developed this sixth sense for when someone loses interest, and the moment I feel it, I just want to shrink, to disappear, to take back whatever I just said and pretend I never opened my mouth. And I hate that. I hate that I’ve started filtering myself so much, cutting my own stories short, apologizing for talking too much when no one even said I was. But maybe they thought it. Maybe I could see it in their face, hear it in the way they respond with those short little "mhmm"s or "yeah, totally"s, like they’re just waiting for their turn to talk, or worse, waiting for the conversation to be over. And then I start overthinking everything. Maybe this is why I don’t have as many close friendships as I used to. Maybe this is why people drift away. Maybe I’ve been exhausting to be around this whole time, and I just never noticed before.

I don’t know how to fix it. Or if it even needs fixing. Maybe it’s all in my head. Maybe I’ve just become so insecure about my place in people’s lives that I think I’m annoying when I’m really not. But what if I am? What if I’ve spent years talking too much, over-explaining, repeating myself, not realizing that everyone was just putting up with me? The idea of that makes me want to stop talking altogether. To just keep everything inside, because at least then I wouldn’t have to see that look on people’s faces ever again. But then what? I go silent, I stop sharing, and then one day, I realize no one even notices? That scares me just as much. So I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I’m annoying, if I should change, or if I just need to stop caring so much. But I do care. And I don’t know how to turn that off.

I have no idea what to do. Like, I swear, my brain has been looping this same question over and over for weeks, and I still don’t have an answer. Do I break up with him? Or do I stay? I keep going back and forth. One minute I feel so sure that I need to end it, that I can’t do this anymore, that I’m just not happy. But then the second I actually think about saying the words out loud, I freak out. What if I regret it? What if this is a huge mistake? What if I let go of something that I’ll never find again? I feel like no matter what I do, I’m gonna end up hurting—either I stay in a relationship that doesn’t feel right anymore, or I leave and then spend months wondering if I made the worst decision of my life. And yeah, okay, maybe I’m being dramatic, but it feels dramatic. It feels like my whole world is balancing on this one choice and no matter which way I go, I’m gonna mess something up.

It’s not like he’s a bad boyfriend. He’s actually really sweet. He tells me he loves me, he texts me good morning and good night, he’s never done anything to hurt me. So why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like something is missing? I keep thinking that maybe I just got too used to him, that maybe I’m just bored, and that’s a me problem, not a him problem. But at the same time, shouldn’t I be excited to be with my boyfriend? Shouldn’t I want to text him, to spend time with him, to tell him things? Lately, I just… don’t. I see his name pop up on my phone and instead of getting happy, I feel tired. And I hate that. Because he doesn’t deserve that. He doesn’t deserve to be with someone who isn’t fully into it. But then I think about actually telling him, about actually breaking up, and it hurts. Like, I can already imagine his face, the way he’ll look at me, like I just shattered his whole world. And the idea of being the reason he’s sad? The reason he’s heartbroken? I don’t think I can handle that.

And then there’s the whole what if I never find someone else? part. I mean, sure, I’m only 15, I know that logically there are gonna be other people in my life. But what if no one else ever treats me as good as he does? What if I’m just being selfish and expecting some unrealistic movie kind of love that doesn’t even exist? What if I leave and then realize I just ruined something that could have lasted forever? And then I think about being single and it terrifies me. Not just the being alone part, but the whole starting over part. The thought of having to meet someone new, go through all the awkward first conversations, figuring out if we even like each other, getting used to a whole different person’s way of texting, of talking, of being… it sounds exhausting. And at least with my boyfriend, I know him. I know how he is, I know how to be around him, I know he loves me. And maybe that’s enough. Maybe I don’t need butterflies or whatever, maybe I just need to appreciate what I have. But what if I’m just forcing myself to stay because I’m scared of leaving? And if that’s the case, isn’t that kinda worse?

I wish someone could just tell me what to do. I wish I could fast forward to a year from now and see if I’m happier if I break up with him or if I’ll just be sitting there, crying over what I lost. But I don’t get to know that. I just have to decide. And I don’t think I can. I don’t think I’m ready. But how long can I keep pretending everything’s fine when it’s not?