Couple Stories

I feel awful. I was firmly convinced that my boyfriend was being controlling with me and when I read an article about the signs of being with a controlling partner I realized that actually my boyfriend isn't really that controlling, I am.

Why on earth do I meet every single criteria for what it means to be controlling in a relationship? And in the end of the article is the ab*sive hotline phone number.

Honestly, I'm worried about my own self and him. I keep telling him we should see a couples counselor, but he keeps saying in the future we will and that's not working for us. Initially, I looked up an article because I tried multiple times over the course of a few days to break up with him for being disrespectful to me and he would somehow convince me in the end to not break up.

I still think in his own way he is toxic and controlling, but I feel ashamed of myself. I feel stupid, too. I don't understand why I never even noticed that about myself before. He also never tells me directly that he thinks I'm being controlling, but I have told him when I think he is. I am scared of continuing being in this relationship with these behaviors of mine and his, too. It's just more reason to end the relationship, but he puts up resistance when I attempt to leave him. Now I see how we aren't a good fit for each other and it isn't just him. Idk how to get him to accept that it's over between us because we both need professional help.

I do actually have what I thought were solid reasons to explain my "controlling" behaviors and it really felt justified before reading the article. I would share it here too, but it's such a long story to be typing over a single text box. I guess I'm not entirely seeking any kind of advice. I'm mostly just venting. I am still trying to process that I wasn't as good of a partner as I felt I was all this time. I feel so guilty about things I possibly put my partner through without realizing. I wonder if I fix my end of the issues if he will just improve on his own as well or if it isn't worth it. I truly love him, I'm just afraid of wasting years of my life and his and in the end things fall apart. I don't want to fail if I invest everything I can into pur relationship together. I guess I'm unsure how to move forward with this and it's made me feel really upset.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 months in the past couple weeks. He’s been really moody. I’m not sure what it is. I’ve asked him about it. I’ve explained that it’s making me feel down because he won’t explain and I feel useless as a girlfriend. The other day we were on call (luckily) as we haven’t called for a couple days and he was still upset so of course me being people pleaser I tried to make him laugh. I said that I was gonna hack and do school frame and spy on the campus cameras, (this is how we don’t take it seriously I would never do something like that) and he went into full detail of why I wasn’t gonna, and I told him that it was just a joke and that I was sorry. And then I said jokingly “you hate me, don’t you?” And he replied with “yeah, who wouldn’t hate a sensitive bitch like you” and I paused for almost 5 straight minutes wondering if you really said that or if I was just insane. he tried saying that he was just being sarcastic and that he didn’t mean it like that, but he yelled at me and I managed to squeeze out a “oh. Sorry.” And I hung up and cried myself myself to sleep. Ever since then he’s been really moody and I can’t even explain how different he is right now. I feel like he’s just lust. He only ever text me when he’s in a mood or when he wants something from me. I’m pretty much carrying the entire emotional relationship against me and him and just about a couple hours ago, he told me that he was cutting himself. I told him I wasn’t gonna be sensitive anymore. I told him to tell me what was going on as he wasn’t talking to me about anything and would just brush it off. I told him that I feel useless as a girlfriend. Which I really do. And how if he can’t talk to me who would he talk to my acknowledging? I am the only person ever talk to unless he’s hiding someone from me or people. I’ve told him I need to know that he can trust me and if he can’t, then I don’t know if we should be together anymore and I just asked him if he was gonna leave me because he has been showing no interest in me unless it’s for lust. I also feel like my body doesn’t excite him anymore. He’s really dry and always asked me to do something different and in person, he’s only ever talked about having sex. Never holding hands, never hugging never nothing only lust. I have told him that I don’t like the way he talks to me sometimes. I don’t think he realized what I meant. I’ve tried everything to do to go see him and he refuses to come see me even though he has nothing holding him back. Just he doesn’t want to. AITA for telling him that I don’t think he’s caring enough about me when I care too much about him? Even if he is in a bad place right now I still wanna feel special. I wanna feel loved. I’ve had my ups and downs and even I still push things away to comfort him. I feel like I’m giving up too much for him.

i am very insecure bout my body and all i can think of is how my bf would prolly be wishing for more or someone else. i might not be the prettiest or hottest to myself but i am sure that my body is uglier. i cant help it but to worry bout it more now that im in a relationship. i feel shit bout myself, i have no good grades, no talents or anything. it makes me wonder is hes staying only cuz i treat him right and im loyal cuz other girls werent. everytime we makeout i cant help it but to think "maybe hes thinking that the random girls he made out with had better tits and ass than me"or maybe thats why he follows girls with their clevage out or tits out in their profile? im so insecure that i could get a bbl done. my bf cant agree that i have big tits either. he doesnt even care to console me and it hurts that he doesnt give two shits, while i console him whole night staying up sacrificing my sleep for him while i have school, all he tells me is "dont worry you are hot" and literally thats it. i dont know who to talk to bout this cuz people will judge or say im overreacting but honestly it hurts at some point.

I've been in a relationship for 3 years and in like the last year, I've had feelings of regret more often. We have pur good moments and bad like normal relationships. But when we fight or have a disagreement and he's upset, for some topics I just can't understand his perspective. I understand being upset that's perfectly okay but it gets dragged out and I end up feeling dead inside. I can't help but think that I wouldn't have to go through this if I was single. But I can't exactly break up with him because he is a good person and he loves me a lot. I just can't shake off the regret feeling. I don't know if I'm overthinking and I should just ignore the feeling or bury it

Okay so I’ve been stressing about this for weeks now and I still don’t know what to do. How to break up with someone without completely crushing them?? Cuz no matter how I think about it, it’s gonna hurt, right?? I mean, he’s not a bad guy or anything, he’s actually really sweet and treats me well, but I just don’t feel it anymore. And that’s the worst part, cuz I can’t even give him a “real” reason other than I just... don’t want this anymore. Like, how do you tell someone who still loves you that you’re just done?? Every time I try to bring it up, I freeze or change the subject cuz I see the way he looks at me, like I’m his whole world, and I just can’t be the one to take that away from him. But at the same time, staying in this relationship just cuz I’m scared of hurting him is NOT fair, not to him and def not to me. I thought about doing it over text but that feels way too cold, and in person is just gonna be so awkward, I know he’s gonna ask why and what changed and I don’t even have a good answer. Should I just rip the bandaid off and say “Hey, I think we should break up” or do I soften it with “I still care about you but I don’t see this working long term”?? UGH it’s all so freaking complicated. I wish there was a way to do this without feeling like the worst person on earth but I know there’s not. And I know dragging it out is just making it worse, but every time I tell myself “okay, today’s the day,” I chicken out. Maybe there’s never a right way, maybe you just have to be honest and hope they understand. But what if he doesn’t?? What if he cries or worse, gets mad?? I just don’t wanna hurt him but I know staying is just lying at this point. Guess I just have to do it and deal with whatever happens after... god, why is this so hard??

Not sure if this is the right category but I desperately need to vent and get feedback on this. I have been separated from my husband for over a year and a half. We have a three year old son who spends weekdays with me and weekends with his father. I am a full time online college student and stay at home mom, so I get the majority of my homework done when my son is at his dad’s.

Every weekend, my ex will send me photos and videos of our son. Sometimes he’ll send a short message too, but usually just the photos/videos. If I don’t respond to him right away or in a timely manner, he will send me a passive aggressive message like “guess I’m back to being ignored.” Now, I am always busy when he sends these messages. Doing homework, catching up on housework, or even taking a shower. I try to make sure that I at least react to some of the photos to let him know I saw them and enjoyed them. But he still accuses me of ignoring him. And it’s always passive aggressive.

My reason for needing to vent today is the conversation that just happened. For context, I had an issue with my school’s bookstore this semester and only just got the textbook I needed for one of my classes. My instructor is amazing and extended the due dates of assignments for me, so I have 3 weeks of assignments to catch up on, plus work for another class. So I am very busy and need to concentrate. When I dropped my son off at his father’s yesterday, I told him that I had a lot of work to catch up on. This morning, my ex sent me pictures and videos of our son at the park. I took a moment’s break from my schoolwork to view them, sent a heart reaction to a couple, then put my phone down and continued working. 15 minutes later, I got a message saying “back to ignored again?” I took a deep breath to calm myself down, then took a picture of my open textbooks and sent it to him with the message: Thank you for sending videos but please stop assuming I’m ignoring you. I told you yesterday that I have 3 weeks worth of work to catch up on.

This is how the rest of the conversation went:

Ex: Sorry it's just I'm very alone and wanted to share some cool moments of T with someone. Good luck with your school work

Me: I understand that, but I am also tired of constantly being attacked and accused. It creates a lot of stress for me and distracts me from the things I need to do. In the future, please just assume I’m busy. I try to make sure that I react to the photos you send me to let you know I saw them and enjoyed them, and that’s usually all I’m able to do in that moment.

Ex: Always about you, sorry I tried to talk to you.

Me: I am trying to set a boundary. I am trying to communicate with you, to tell you how your words, your accusations of me ignoring you, are affecting me.

Have a good weekend, Simon. Give my love to T, please.

Ex: Look, I'm sorry I tried to talk to you. I was just feeling alone and wanted to to share some cool moments with our son with someone. You have no empathy for anyone other than yourself. I don't know why I keep forgetting that. I'm stupid I suppose.

Me: Maybe instead of accusing me of ignoring you, you could say something like “doesn’t he look like he’s having fun?”

If you want to talk to someone, you shouldn’t accuse them of something first, unless you are looking to start a fight.

Ex: I'm never looking to start a fight. You should know that about me. I didn't say anything because if I say words to you, you'll ignore them and I'll feel shit about myself, like I'm not even worth the 5 seconds it takes to reply.

Me: Ok.

He hasn’t said anything else since, but it is eating me up inside and I have no one else to talk to right now. Am I wrong?? Should I have dropped everything to respond to the photos besides liking them? I already have to watch what I say to him, because using words like “we” upsets him because he immediately assumes I’m seeing someone else. I’m not and am usually referring to my mom, whom I am living with.

I’m just so hurt and angry and confused right now.

Hey, I am a mother of a toddler and a business partner (of course with my husband) and WIFE to my husband. we are together 24/7 everyday dealing all the tasks of work and home.... I am lacking fun. Thanks to my bad childhood and the most nagging and control freak mother i never had a real friendship. That is still the case and i am not able to establish friendly relationship with anyone. Literally i am with a company all day around. To be honest my hubby is a 90% good guy but miser in terms of fun or romance. to give you context, i never had any gift from him in my 12 years of togetherness. when i am feeling utterly lonely even when accompanied - in terms of fun or having a life at all... am getting frustrated and i am starting to fight with him over small insignificant matters and things become more worse, i become more stressed and back to work life routine. I feel trapped. I do not have any company for the fun part of my life. I am desperately lonely in terms of a friend with whom i could share and just have a casual no tasky or businessy or home matter conversation. I am stuck, stressed and more than anything, i am angry at myself. To be honest, i do not know how to be happy with just myself.

In the story I'll be using nicknames, im yellow and im trans masc and gay, my boyfriend will be orange and hes bisexual, his friend will be red and hes also bisexual. (side note ive only been in one other really toxic relationship)

Ive been dating my bf for not too long and ive known hes had his long distance friend who i thought would "jokingly" flirt with because red had a crush on orange but awhile ago idk what we were talking about but orange brought up poly and and said "its unfair for him because you confussed to be, im sure he wouldve befire we even met if he wasnt so shy" and when he said that it made me feel alittle weird but awhile after that when orange and me were on a phone call with red, orange brought being poly with him, ive told orange before im ok with poly just as long as its not one-sided, when he asked me on a call with red i panicked alittle and said sure because even though i really don't mind i felt alittle guilted into it because i have a hard time doing something that'll upset someone, now im stuck in a relationship or what ive been told is one, i was at his house not to long ago and orange was on a call with red, i really didnt mind it at all sense reds very sweet and if he liked me back would be a great boyfriend but he only likes orange, the whole time orange was on call with red it felt like he didn't even know i was there other than the few times he'd complain i wasnt close enough or paying too much attention to my phone even though id just be sitting there sense none of them would talk to me just each other and now I'm left with a boyfriend who talks about feeling so happy to have two loving boyfriends and talks only about red to me while im stuck with half of the affection id get from my boyfriend, a random person i cant even call my boyfriend dating my boyfriend, and a bomb dropped on me that hes purposely flirted with red even when we startes dating without even knowing if id be comfrtable especially sense red has a crush on him. Am I a place holder or is he bored of me?

Just curious as someone who's curious about the subject. Unfortunately the internet only tells me what happens, not how, or what the person feels specifically.

For cis gender males...

When you have hanky-panky time... Assuming that you have... Alone or with someone... What does it feel like for a male appendage to um... Have the red human fluid go down there🫣!? I sound ridiculous, but I'm not sure how to word this without there being restrictions😮‍💨. It's completely innocent... I swear🙇🏻‍♀️✨!!

I live in a home full of cis gender females. And one 60+ year old male(the dad figure of the house)... But I wouldn't ask the 60+ year old male... Cause he's also my cousin🫥. And that's just weird🫠.

I mean... Not saying it's not not weird here... It's just... Um... You know... Anonymous😅.

Anyway... The only thing I get from Reddit is...

"It's like warm and it's a build up and then it's a woosh!!" Does that make any forking sense😩!? Cause it doesn't to me🥴!!

And I'm specifically asking about just the red human liquid that flows to that area... Not necessarily the... Um... End result🫥.

I heard somewhere the end result does end up being tingly... But what does "tingly" even mean😫!! Like come on dudes, bros, any cis gender male or people with that particular appendage... Be more specific... What does it feel like🧐!?

And why does it get harder to the touch🤔!? Do people with this particular appendage feel the difference in that particular area🤷🏻‍♀️!?

I'm just really curious... As a very, very, very inexperienced cis female human in her early 20's... I'm just curious🫠.

And no need to answer if anyone is uncomfortable☺️🙏🏻✨... Or just simply doesn't know how to answer😶‍🌫️.

Written as letter to Ex.

Ex.,

I want to know why you treated me the way you do when you said you love me?

Why did you feel the need to play Hot & Cold?

All I asked for was for you to talk to me. Yet 3 days of no contact on the bases of an "I've been busy with work".

When you wouldn't text me at least once a day, I felt like I wasn't loved. I shared with you that my love language is words of affirmation. Yet you couldn't fulfill that role.

I asked you to break up with me. I broke up with you many times. Yet you always managed to bring me back in. It's my fault in the end. I came back of my own free will. I regret those choices.

I regret letting your pouting sway my decisions. Whenever I wouldn't give you adult touches, you'd pout in a corner... And like the weak person I was, I came back to "help" with that.

We're done, yet I still claim to have loved you. Did I love you? I honestly don't know. I definitely felt forced into loving you.

The live bombing wasn't great either whenever we went through a difficult time.

I moved outta state, while you were stuck in the state I left. Unable to come with me due to your restraints. I understand that. I texted you shorter texts because longer texts didn't seem to be ready. Then I only texted once per day, hoping you'd at least read and respond to me.

At some point you mentioned leaving this world, I sobbed. And I stayed.

Being in another state made me realize that this wasn't love. You did not love me.

In the beginning of our relationship we shared what we think love is. You said that love is putting another's needs before your own. Taking care of them. That was the only description you gave me.

My description of love was so long, but you didn't think that was real love. I wanted someone who would talk to me, cuddle with me without any further adult touches. I wanted someone would would be able to hold out doing all the way until my 4 month comfort limit. You took my V-card and I was happy in the moment, but after... I honestly felt sad... Like it was a goodbye thing.

I'm 23 forking year old, and always imagined my 1st time being with someone who truly cared about my boundaries and what I believe in.

Your compromises were that you'd choose were we lived. That's fine. And you compromised about us getting a cat. That's fine. But you'd use that against me whenever I asked for something that you didn't wanna do. The only thing that I specifically asked for is someone who shares their feelings, thoughts and opinions, as well as listening to mine. I also asked that intimacy be limited. And I should've known that it wouldn't work out when you said on our first date that your love language was physical touch. And I said to you that my least favorite love language was acts of service, yet that was your second favorite. I guess I was desperate to be loved. And I'll not make that mistake again. I've sort of resigned myself to the fact that I'll never date or be loved the way that I wish to be. Reality isn't a movie. And movies aren't reality. Yet, I've seen with my own two eyes that it can be through my close friend. Her life has had bumps in the road, but I see how much her love loves her... The way he looks at her and holds her. The way that he supports her in all her endeavors. And her book is also an inspiration. She's the one who helped me out of my past relationship cause she went through the same thing before.

People may say that I'm heartless for not giving my ex a chance. Well, the only chance he ever wanted to show me that he loved me was in-person. And I'd spend most of my time where I am now. So, I could not continue the relationship... Ended with cold turkey. Blocked and deleted. Again, some might say that's harsh and some might say, you were with him for only a few months... Give it time. But I've already lost so many years, and built up so many regrets.

I'm tired. I know love it out there. But the only love I'll ever truly see is through my bestie, books, and movies. And I'm honestly very happy for those who find their true loves, or loves that make you happy in the moment. I also may be jealous, but that is honestly a healthy emotion... In my opinion. Just as long as it doesn't control your life. Which I'm working on.

Goodnight everyone!!!

From, Me.

so we’ve recently started dating, after being friends for like a year.

I know he didn’t mean to make me uncomfortable, he’s just a very blunt and straightforward person.

I unfortunately have really bad anxiety and a habit of anxious attachment style (which I’m currently working on).

basically, we were with his friends, and while they were discussing personal issues they all had, he just mentioned to his friends that he was an ex p0rn addict. good for him of course because I’m also an ex addict of that.

however it just made me uncomfortable. he only mentioned it once and never brought it up again, so whatever. idk things that unsettle me usually just end up sticking in my head for a while because I get really bad mental images and intrusive thoughts.

I don’t think I’m gonna discuss this with him, just because it was a one time thing and isn’t really an issue between us—it’s solely a me problem.

just like how can I work on my intrusive thoughts? I can’t get shit out of my head for like weeks and it’s just really miserable and infuriating, it’s like making me feel sick to my stomach because I feel so bad for him and I’m so disgusted just by it (not by him but by the addiction itself as, again, I used to have that addiction, so I know how much it sucks)

There’s a heaviness in living a life that no longer feels like your own, a script I keep reading aloud, even as the words crumble in my mouth. We’re together, not for love, but for convenience—a fragile, lifeless thread binding us to a home that feels more like a stage.

If I were to leave, the company would fall apart. If he were to leave, the foundation of this house we’ve built would vanish. And so, we stay—partners in duty, strangers in love.

This home is not a sanctuary for my heart. My tears fall unnoticed, my sadness stirs no concern. It doesn’t matter if I cry, if I ache, or if I feel invisible. Here, respect is fleeting, care is transactional, and love appears only when it serves him. I am the pillar holding this family aloft—the financial support, the stepping stone. Perhaps that’s why he doesn’t show just how much he resents me.

And yet, the thought of leaving terrifies me. In the culture I come from, divorce is a scarlet letter, a brand that whispers “failure,” “outcast,” “whore.” Here, it feels as though it’s always the woman who must keep the peace, who must sacrifice herself at the altar of family, no matter how much it hurts. That burden sits heavy on my shoulders, pressing me into silence.

Then there’s our child—our beautiful, innocent child who looks at us and sees something I can no longer feel. He sees “loving parents.” What are we teaching him? That love doesn’t matter as long as you stay? That a hollow home is better than a broken one? One day, he’ll grow up. One day, he’ll understand. And I dread the moment he looks at us and thinks, Mom and Dad stayed together because of me, but there was no love. The thought of that realization shatters me.

Am I raising him in a home that is whole, or a home that is empty? What lessons about love, about self-worth, are we leaving him with? And yet, I can’t bring myself to drag his tiny heart through the chaos of courtrooms, through the wreckage of a family torn apart.

So here I am, trapped in this endless limbo—afraid to stay, afraid to leave. Afraid of what the world will say, of what my child will feel. This fear, this sadness, this weight—it’s my constant companion.

I don’t know how to move forward. I don’t know if there’s a way out, or if this is simply my fate. But I carry this story every day, and I needed to release it, even if just into the void.

To anyone walking this same fragile, uncertain path—know that you’re not alone.

My partner and I are in our mid-20s and just everything is going wrong. We've been arguing for the last three days. They haven't let me near them since then. And now they say because I did nothing to "fix" it, they are done with the relationship. I did do things, I offered so many things as well, but none of it mattered. They didn't want any of it, it didn't mean anything to them. They don't feel loved and it's all my fault.

We've had a rocky relationship that last 2 years since I've had our daughter, I guess I started getting insecure when our talks of our future went from "I want our wedding to look like this" "I want another baby" to him telling me "I just don't feel like marriage is important" "I don't know if I want another baby". So we've had a lot of problems since I've had our daughter him being distant, me feeling like I'm just a servant or maid being a stay at home mom. What has happened recently back in July 2024 I broke my ankle BAD I need surgery for screws and a plate, well we originally were living in Las Vegas we planned to move to California so he could be closer to his family and friends but not until March 2025. Once I broke my ankle I couldn't work, we lost our apartment, we couldn't live off one income by ourselves and we had just moved out of his mom's house since I started working again and we could afford it. Well after I broke my ankle he decided that we could move to California sooner but the problem was he would be taking himself and the baby first until I was done with my ortho appointments. It was a really tough time for me, I had to stay with my family that abused me in my childhood until I was done with appointments. We had countless arguments because he made so many promises to me before he left and broke them he told me he would come down with the baby twice a month to visit once he started work and I was there for 2 months and he never came. I would plan something and he always had "something come up". Finally I move down he had started a new job and he just started a better one recently but he was only at this other job for 2 months. During that time he had become very close to this one female coworker, I'm not the jealous type but something about their relationship made me uncomfortable. He was distant, always on his phone, never being present when he was home to spend time with our daughter or me. This one day rose some red flags he had to work morning shift I started waking up that morning because he was on the phone talking to this one coworker, he hung up FAST when me and the baby started moving. Well that same night it was after midnight we were just done having some "alone time" I got up to go to the restroom and when I came back he was talking to her on the phone when he noticed me coming out he quickly changed the subject, when I asked why he was talking to a coworker he just saw that day after 12:30 am he got defensive and said she was wondering how this stressful situation at work happened. Okay whatever I'm still in denial at this point but it kept bothering me. Last night I wrote a whole letter (I don't do well with confrontation) explaining my feelings and how I felt their relationship was weird and inappropriate (he stopped working there 3 days earlier but she still called him to "vent" about her day) he had nothing to say to what I was saying. Then he starts crying saying he's tired of trying and nothing working for our relationship I explained to him I'm only asking for him to talk to me more about his feelings and to be honest. He kept saying everything and anything other than explaining their relationship. So I reminded him I said "you haven't said anything about this ex coworker" he tried coming up with an excuse saying she's been married and divorced and has "experience" in relationship issues. I told him that he's only known her two months he doesn't even talk to his best friends about problems he might have about us and surely not to me, so I told him it's really weird to be replying on relationship advice from someone you hardly know and who I don't know at all. I told him "if you can't be truthful with words then I need to see the texts" he told me that's not a good idea.....that they've been flirting a lot for a few weeks now and it will upset me too much reading them...he denied it being physical YET but when I asked him if he's gone out with her when he told me he was somewhere else he said yes. That yesterday when he told me he was still at work he was actually already done and had a lunch date with her...it's really upsetting to me because he just moved me away from all family and friends I had 2 months ago to a state I've never lived in, I don't start work for another week and am currently a sahm, I don't have a vehicle because the last 5 years he's always made excuses as to why I don't need one. So he broke up with me, confessed to emotional cheating, and left me with no transportation or money...what do I do

So unfortunately, I am hypersexual due to trauma, but acesexual. and "makeup sex" is an unfortunate and unconscious reaction to stress caused by my relationship because of a past relationship. I feel like recently my boyfriend has been purposely triggering my stress response to get.. yuknow. And not only am I kinda grossed out by the thought he could be doing it on purpose. I'm scared by it.