Couple Stories

i am writing here very politely because i do not know where else to place this, and because the format asks for honesty without spectacle, which i appreciate, and because i am a woman who has spent years trusting her internal dashboard, my intuition, which has historically shown a low false-positive rate, almost annoyingly accurate, and now it is lighting up red and i am scared by that, not hysterical just concerned, like an analyst watching anomaly detection flags stack up with no clear root cause yet, and the subject is my husband, who i am quite sure is cheating on me even though i have no screenshots no lipstick no credit card receipts, just signals, micro-behaviors, shifts in cadence, metadata in the margins of our life, and yes i know about confirmation bias and availability heuristics and i try to correct for them like any reasonable adult, but my intuition has an audit trail and it has never failed, which makes this moment heavier, because if it is right then my marriage is compromised, and if it is wrong then i am the problem, and neither outcome is great 😕, i notice changes in his communication latency, the way his phone is now always face down which i once read was a “privacy management tactic” in a pop psych article, i notice grooming spikes before mundane errands, cologne at noon, gym shorts for grocery runs, and i tell myself correlation is not causation, very politely i remind myself of that rule, but then there is the tone shift, the politeness surplus toward me that feels like customer service not intimacy, and the absence of conflict which in relationship ops is sometimes a leading indicator of emotional outsourcing, i hate even typing that, it sounds dramatic, but i am trying to stay detached and objective, to speak in facts and probabilities not vibes, and still the vibe is screaming, my intuition is screaming, and that scares me more than the idea of cheating itself, because i have always relied on that internal compass for risk assessment, and now it is pointing somewhere i do not want to go, there are references people love to throw around like “trust your gut” or “the body keeps the score” and i have quoted those myself in other contexts, but when the gut implicates the person you built your life with, the advice feels cruel, like a systems alert you cannot mute, i have replayed conversations like call recordings, transcribed his words, noted semantic drift, affectionate language replaced by logistical phrasing, “let me know” instead of “i’ll be there”, and yes maybe this is just stress or aging or market volatility in a long-term partnership, i am open to that hypothesis, i would prefer it honestly, i am being very reasonable here i think, but my intuition keeps surfacing edge cases, the late meetings with vague deliverables, the sudden interest in data privacy, passcodes changing, and when i ask neutral questions i get what feels like over-explained answers, which any negotiator will tell you can be a leakage point, i am not angry, not yet, mostly i am tired and afraid and trying to remain courteous to myself and to him while i gather more information, because rash action has a high cost, and still at night i lie awake doing mental A/B testing of futures, one where i am right and must decide how to proceed with dignity, and one where i am wrong and must apologize for doubting, and both scenarios require emotional capital i am not sure i have, i keep thinking of a line i read somewhere, maybe a book maybe a tweet, “intuition is just pattern recognition trained by experience,” and if that is true then what pattern am i recognizing now, and why does it feel so urgent, so sharp, so unlike anxiety, more like clarity 😔, i am venting here because anonymity lowers the social risk and because i wonder, very politely, has anyone else had an intuition that scared them not because of what it said about their partner but because of what it forced them to confront about reality, and did you ignore it, did you validate it, did you run more tests or did you shut the system down, i am genuinely asking, because i am standing between data and denial and i do not know which is more dangerous right now.

I want to preface this by saying my bf may be undiagnosed neurodivergent and his parents didn’t get him the necessary tools he’d need as an adult so I do empathize with that… but I won’t make this long but I will also try to be as detailed as I can. Me and my bf met on Facebook and we have been together every day since our first date. This was new for me so shacking up almost immediately wasn’t on my bingo card for sure but it worked. There were a lot of things we went through together and separate where we had to be there for one another.. we have been together practically three years and he doesn’t know how to really communicate well or express his emotions well and I am a very vocal person but sometimes the deliverance isn’t the best I can account for that but I like to talk and he shuts down. Says I’m always arguing or trying to “debate” when I see it simply as communicating. So we never really talk. Like have deep meaningful conversations. I have to almost beg to be cuddled sometimes like he is affectionate at times but certain time I have to direct it. Which I am not a physical person myself so I get it but he should see I love to cuddle if I like asking but he always seems to make it seem like a chore to do it .. he also has grabbed me by my face arms once by the neck.. and wrists.. he’s not all bad he doesn’t cheat he does anything for me but idk I think I know the answer I just want someone else to weigh in on it. The fact im ashamed to discuss it with friends and family says it all..

you really would destroy others’ lives simply so you’re a little happier, huh? you don’t give a FUCK about how others feel unless its how they feel about YOU. don’t try and deny that. you’re not doing it to change, you’re doing it to make a change in our lives. you’re trying to uproot our lives so you can be the oh-so dramatic friend that is unpredictable. you think our lives are some GAME, don’t you? you think that because you had your big exit means we suddenly don’t give a fuck. BUT WE DO. nothing is changing that. you can say “oh please don’t be mad at me” all you want but if you’re hurting and destroying others who genuinely care about you so YOU can have brand new friends who your fuckass brother won’t complain about then maybe we have the right to be angry. fuck you.

i’m a high school senior and i’m dating a guy younger than me. he’s had one other girlfriend and people have told me they hooked up but we’ve never talked about it. ive had other boyfriends but i never had sex with them, though i have been assaulted outside of a relationship. i alluded to this when he asked if i was a virgin - prior to this event happening. we were talking for around two months and basically dating already when he was over at my house for the second time. we were watching a movie and making out, it was going fine. we had kissed before but not much more than that. he whispered in my ear “would it be so bad?” and i didn’t know what to say. i asked him what he meant but i knew, i told him it was too soon and gave the excuse that he’s too young (im a year and a half older). he told me no one would know and said he was consenting, but i just told him i didn’t know if it was a good idea. his hands made it into my pants and i asked if he was a virgin but then he paused and made an odd face before shaking his head. i went back to watching the movie but he asked a few more times. i just went silent because i didn’t know what to do. i kissed him and turned back around, the first time he came to my house he did the same thing to the point i took him home because i was upset. when he asked if the kiss meant a yes i didn’t say anything but then he pulled my pants down. i didn’t say anything because i just froze up and my heart was racing and i was scared but idk. he put it in and asked if it hurt and i didn’t respond even though it did. at one point i must have been so freaked out that he got scared too and pulled out, i think i was reliving something but this was a while ago. i felt a lot of emotions but i couldn’t or wouldn’t i guess say anything. i forgot what happened but he went to the bathroom and came back and i felt very conflicted. he noticed something was up and kept asking me what was wrong until i hugged him because i didn’t know what was wrong. i drove him home but after dropping him off i cried all the way home and sat in my driveway. i thought a lot about it for the next few days and i felt extremely conflicted, i cant even put a name to the emotions i was feeling. i told my best friend a week later thinking it would be fun gossip or something but i also felt like i needed to tell someone and she was disgusted. i started crying and she told me that it wasn’t okay but i wasn’t mad at him. he’s been through a lot so i feel very bad for him sometimes and he’s younger so he doesn’t know a lot and i couldn’t bring myself to agree with her about him assaulting me. the next few times he was over he kept asking and i said no, i texted him about a month later explaining how i was assaulted and i didn’t like that he was pressuring me when i already said no. he apologized a lot and it hasn’t happened since. we’ve been officially dating a couple months now and we’ve hooked up more, but i kind of feel like it hasn’t happened again because i haven’t said no again. i’ve talked to a few more of my friends about it and they all look sad and tell me it’s not okay. i just love him a lot and he’s very very sweet to me so it just doesn’t feel like assault. i don’t feel any kind of way about it right now but a while ago my best friend brought it up again and i had a meltdown so maybe im just blocking it out. she hates him and refuses to be around him over this. i haven’t considered breaking up with him over it and i haven’t voiced any of this to him, i just wanted to see what people thought.

I’m feeling worn out by this relationship. Lately, it feels like I’m losing patience and the motivation to keep going each day.

I’m exhausted from being in a relationship where I feel unheard.

Over the years, I’ve learned to keep quiet—not because I have nothing to say, but because my thoughts and feelings are often challenged, debated, or dismissed. My partner believes playing devil’s advocate adds value, but to me it feels invalidating and emotionally careless.

I no longer share much of what I’m going through because it doesn’t feel safe to do so. I listen attentively when he speaks, but I don’t receive the same presence in return. Even small conversations require effort just to have my voice acknowledged.

I’m tired of fighting to be heard. I’m tired of shrinking myself to keep the peace.

Sometimes I imagine being single again. While that thought scares me, it also brings a sense of relief—because as painful as loneliness might be, it may hurt less than feeling invisible in a relationship.

I am 52, a woman, and I have been married for 25 years. Saying that out loud still feels heavy. We met young, built a life, raised kids, paid mortgages, argued about paint colors. Lately it feels like we are roommates with shared history. I remember once, early on, he brought me coffee every morning without fail. Now we text from different rooms. That sounds dramatic but it is true. I am polite to him, he is polite to me. There is no yelling. There is also no warmth. People say “marriage takes work” and i believed that. I still do. But what if the work changes you into someone quiet and tired. I wonder if this is normal or if we missed a turn years ago and never noticed.

We have issues, lots of them, but none that feel explosive. We disagree on money, intimacy, and how to talk when we are hurt. He shuts down. I talk too much. He says I nag. I say he disappears. Once, after a long silence, he told me “I just don’t know what you want from me anymore.” That stuck. I don’t fully know either. After 25 years you expect some shared language. Instead we misinterpret everything. I once suggested couples counselling and he shrugged and said “if you think it helps.” That was not a no, but it wasn’t a yes. Friends quote stats like “therapy works if both try,” or “most couples wait too long.” Are we too late already.

I keep thinking about a small moment last year. We were at a grocery store, choosing apples. He reached for the ones i like without thinking. It surprised me. For a second, it felt easy again. Then we argued in the car about nothing important. That is how it goes. Good moments get buried fast. I have my own faults, i know that. I can be sharp. I hold grudges. I replay old arguments when I should let them go. Part of me worries counselling will just list our failures in a calm office with tissues on the table. Another part hopes a third voice could help translate us. As one book said, “under every complaint is a longing.” I am not sure what his longing is anymore, or mine 🤷‍♀️

Divorce feels like a word that floats in the room even when we don’t say it. It feels final and also tempting, which scares me. I think about starting over at 52, and I feel tired before I even begin. But I also think about staying and slowly shrinking. Is couples counselling a real option after so long, or just a pause before the end. I am trying to be fair to both of us. He is not a bad man. I am not a perfect wife. We are just worn. If you have been here, did talking to someone help you reconnect, or did it only confirm what you already knew. How do you tell the difference between a rough chapter and the last page.

When I was a college student, I experienced an unusual, one could even say absurdly tragicomic event. It all happened one lethargic afternoon in the student dormitory where I lived. As I lay flat on my stomach on my bed, recovering from the previous night's party, a girl—who had also attended the party—sat on my lower back and began to massage my upper back. During the massage, I bent my legs at the knees and playfully patted her back with the soles of my bare feet, as if I were massaging her in return. She chuckled, finding it amusing. It was a comfortable, easygoing moment.

However, while I was patting her, I felt her necklace with my toes. She had turned the necklace on her back while massaging me so that it wouldn't bother her. The necklace had a small medallion that I inadvertently tangled between my third and fourth toes, along with a few strands of her long hair, which was tied in a ponytail. A mischievous impulse took hold. I held onto it, not wanting to let go. She turned around, still seated on my lower back, now in the opposite direction, my sole in front of her face. She grasped my foot with one hand while using the other to try and untangle the chain and medallion from my toes. I laughed at her futile attempts, playfully refusing to loosen my grip, despite her pleas to let go of the chain to prevent it from breaking and to stop pulling her hair.

Her pleas only fueled my amusement. Quite simply, I enjoyed the fun and tortured her with pleasure.

To put it mildly, she was a girl for one night. A former cheerleader and once a pole dancer in a strip club, she was a very cunning and skilled girl, and was one of those who drifted through college parties. I didn't particularly appreciate her, but she was... available, and sometimes that was enough. I brought her into the room, taking advantage of the fact that my girlfriend had been away for some time. She was of medium height, slim, and well-built. Her face wasn't what you'd call pretty, save for one truly remarkable feature: her teeth. Her teeth were flawless. She had a beautiful, impressive set of exceptionally large and strong teeth. When she spread her lips in a smile, they looked like perfectly strung pearls.

My playful game came to an abrupt halt when I felt her long, sharp nails begin to scratch, not gently, but with a deliberate, unpleasant drag across the toes which were holding the chain, then along my sole. My amusement vanished, replaced by a sudden jolt of apprehension, a cold prickle of fear. This wasn't playful anymore. Afraid that she would scratch my foot and toes, I immediately loosened my grip, allowing her to free the chain. I took great care of my feet, with an almost obsessive attention, and was proud of their appearance, especially toes. I was practically at the beginning of my career as a sandal model. My big toe was a special and a striking feature on my feet: very large, nicely shaped, significantly longer than the second toe and exceptionally dominant, and art directors and photographers liked it. I had appeared in magazines and commercials for men's sandals, mainly toe-loop sandals, flip-flops and various other attractive sandals on several occasions.

But the game, I realized with a sudden chill, wasn't over. Not for her.

The moment the chain was free, swiftly, unexpectedly, she seized my foot with both hands. Her grip was surprisingly strong. Then came the shock! Before I could even register what was happening, before my brain could process the intent, before I could even think of pulling my foot away, she bit down on my big toe!

A crushing pain exploded through my big toe. The pain was instantaneous and excruciating, unlike anything I had ever felt. It was as if a vise had clamped down my big toe and then crushed. A raw, involuntary scream tore from my throat, ripping through the quiet afternoon. I screamed at the top of my lungs, the pain so intense I felt my eyeballs bulge, threatening to pop out of their sockets. I nearly fainted.

In the ensuing chaos, the bookshelf beside my bed, an old, rickety thing overloaded with textbooks, somehow dislodged from its precarious perch and struck her. The sudden impact caused her to release my toe, and I was finally able to yank my foot free. All of this happened within a maximum of 10 seconds.

I ended up in the hospital. Doctors, their faces grim, explained the extent of the damage. The bite, they said, had been so strong, that she almost bit my big toe off! The big toe bone was crushed, pulverized just below the upper joint—a little more than half of the big toe.The upper part of the big toe looked almost separated. The doctor told me, that I was crazy lucky, becose that the bookshelf saved me at the last moment, otherwise that girl would have definitely bitten off my big toe. By the way, when I arrived at the hospital until I told them what happened to me, the doctors thought I was bitten by a dog.

I lay there in profound shock, terror seizing me at the realization that whore had almost bitten my big toe clean off. I was scared and desperate. The doctors were miraculous. They performed some intricate, delicate procedure to save my toe. “You were lucky,” the nurse had said later, her voice grave, checking my IV. “That big toe was nearly bitten off. Could have lost it for good.”

The recovery was an agonizingly long ordeal. Weeks stretched into months, filled with physical therapy, throbbing pain, and the frustrating helplessness of limited mobility. Even now, many years later, my big toe sometimes still hurts and often goes numb. Despite efforts to remove it, an ugly scar remains to this day. Because I have a very large and strikingly prominent big toe, significantly longer than the second toe, scar is even more clearly and unmistakably visible.

That single, savage act ruined my fledgling career as a model for sandals. It was a valuable source of pocket money during my college years, a small but steady income that had once allowed me a measure of independence.

I’ve replayed that event in my head a thousand times, sifting through every detail, every word, every look. How could a playful game turn into such a visceral act of aggression? I'm still in shock and disbelief that that girl had such strong teeth. I still wonder, is it normal for a girl to have such strong teeth and a bite!? I wish I had an explanation, because I'm simply shocked that a female can have such a strong bite. I am most disappointed in myself as a man, because I didn't even try to free my foot, I just screamed, and I let a girl who is a head shorter than me defeat me. I didn't do anything to defend myself, only an incredible lucky circumstance saved me.

I wanted her to get a prison sentence. The police were involved, the hospital reports stark and undeniable, the gruesome photographs of my mangled toe laid bare. But her version of the story, where she conveniently omitted to say that I had released her chain before the bite, was, somehow, more believable in the eyes of the law. She painted herself as the victim, reacting defensively to my "assault" with my foot. Her portrayal of herself as a victim of violence was at the highest level. During the trial, at one point, when she glanced at me, she discreetly stretched her lips into a smile. I interpreted to mean she had no remorse at all for her action. The legal system found her not responsible for the wrongdoing she did. The judge was a woman and I believe that there was also female solidarity. She managed to get out of everything without any consequences.

Also, it was hard for me that s got a lot of support from the girls, and many of them were delighted by her act and I was their object of ridicule.

I am convinced that the bite wasn't in affect, but completely calculated and that she did it with premeditation.

In the end, once again, I am infinitely grateful to the doctors who saved my toe and prevented me from losing it in such a bizarre way.

What would people have thought if they had seen this on a reality TV show?

Hey girls & boys!

I am 19 and I am a woman. I have been with my boyfriend for six months. He is also 19. We are young and we try to be kind. Recently we had sex for the first time. It was my first time ever. I did not like it. I hated it. I tried again after. I still hated it. Every time after that I felt the same. It feels like work to me. I feel tired before and after. I feel pressure even when he is sweet. I like him a lot. I like his laugh. I like walking with him. I like texting dumb things at night. Sex is not that for me. I feel broken for saying that. A friend once said, “your body knows before your head.” I think about that a lot. I am polite about it with him. I smile. I try. I do not cry in front of him. I am hopeful because I am young 🙂 I also read posts online and people say it gets better. Maybe. But right now I dread it. I keep asking myself if this is normal. I keep asking if I am doing something wrong.

I remember the first time clearly. It was planned. Music was on. He was nervous. I was more nervous. I told myself to be brave. I told myself this is what couples do. It hurt a bit. It felt strange. Not romantic like movies. Not magical like people say. After, I felt empty. I did not feel closer. I felt further. I felt like I was pretending. The other times were similar. Sometimes worse. Sometimes I counted seconds. I feel bad saying this. He asks if I am okay. I say yes. I hate lying but I hate hurting him more. Someone online wrote, “sex is communication.” I do not feel heard there. I feel small. I feel like I owe something. I wonder if that is love. I wonder if love can be without sex. I am not angry. I am just confused. I am polite to myself too, I try. I keep a small notebook. I write things like, maybe later, maybe different, maybe not.

I ask myself the question in the title a lot. Is sex important in a relationship. People say yes. People say no. People say it depends. I think it depends on the people. I want to talk to him. I want to be honest soon. I am scared but hopeful. I believe relationships can grow. I believe consent is daily. I believe comfort matters. A quote I like says, “love is patience.” I hope that is true for us. I am not broken. I am learning. I am allowed to dislike things. I am allowed to ask for time; Do you think a relationship can be strong without sex for a while. Do you think love should wait. I want answers but I also want peace. I hope we find a way that feels good for both of us.

For the sake of privacy we'll call my ex Jay and his friend Mark.

Jay and I had been dating for only a few months when I found out he cheated on me with one of his girl best friends. I confronted him about it and he said that he would never do it again and that he loved me so much, so I decided to give him a second chance. Well. only TWO WEEKS LATER, I found out he told a girl he was single, asked her to date him, and worst of all, he lied about his age saying he was the same age as the girl when he was 2 years older than her. I confront him about it and say that we needed space. Jay gave me the space and I decided to give him another chance. A month goes by and I decide to test him. My cousin who we'll call her Kai. Kai agreed to pretend to like him and flirt with him to see if he would cheat. Spoiler, he forced himself onto her on their first 'date'. I immediately broke up with him the next morning after I found out and then a few weeks later I got a call from Mark, blaming me that he was gone. I asked him what he meant by 'gone' and he told me Jay ended his life because I broke up with him. To give more context, Jay had a habit of threatening sewerslide if I ever did leave him. Mark told me that it was my fault and that it should have been me. Is It my fault?

I've been in my relationship almost 13 months now. Her and I have had our ups and downs but most importantly I had one only friend who was a girl that she was jealous of and long story short I cut her off. She made me give her my Instagram password so I can't vent to any of my other friends because she would know and I can't vent anywhere else that isn't anonymous I just feel so upset my chest hurts and I want to cry and everything is just bad and oh my goodness

My girlfriend is suicidal, she harms but she's trying to do better, but she isn't good at giving me attention and she ignores or casts aside or doesn't put much thought into me or my interests. It's been going on since we started dating. I've asked her multiple times to pay me more attention and be more invested and she does maybe for the rest of the day that I ask but she never entirely changed.

Today, I was pushed to my limit of this, I felt horrible as she just sent an emoji reaction to the things I told her about my day, and as she told me things about hers I asked her questions and replied with words. It hurt every time. This has always been the dynamic, and every time I'm pushed to my limit I tell her and bad things happen.

I have learned to never tell her my feelings because every time I do, she either apologizes over and over again and doesn't change or she harms herself or tells me she either wants to die or she is planning to kill herself.

Tonight I was so upset and hurt, I thought it would be different. I thought maybe she would be able to listen and understand my feelings. I had a hard time telling her. She knew I was upset and she said "I also have something to bring up but rn clearly isn't the time for that" and we went back and forth and I ended up telling her why I didn't want to tell her what I'm feeling, and she got upset because I said that she wasn't prioritizing my feelings and she just said "oh my god" and started defending herself and

And I said "I don't want to talk anymore" so I didn't respond for about an hour. When I came back things were calmer, she seemed to be level headed as I told her the real reason why I was upset (That she wasn't paying much attention to me), and she said she was tired, stressed, busy with work, and I said I understood that but I make a point to always reply with words even if I'm busy or tired or upset. She said she was trying to change, and I could tell she was starting to become upset so I switched to her, I told her she was doing amazing and I tried to cheer her up because I knew where it was going. She told me i can't keep doing this to myself, that she doesn't deserve me, she says these things every time they just sting, I don't know why

I was trying to ease things going on when she suddenly tells me "I could either go the sleep route or the overdose" referring to making herself feel better. I made her throw away her blades weeks ago and she wanted to committ to being clean, she is doing well so far, unless you consider tonight ruining her streak I'm not sure.

Then I threatened to call the police. I had no other choice than to scare her with calling the police because I knew nothing else would work.

Going back and forth, she was telling me

"I'm sorry I failed you"

"I failed you as a partner"

"I put you through hell"

And I felt she was about to kill herself, I told her I would call the police (she is scared of the police because her home would punish her if police came to check on her)

Then she sends me blurry pictures she was crying on the bathroom floor

She told me if she got up she would probably go overdose

Then she was talking about how if rebirth was real she would be happier

Then, she hurt herself, she had an already injured foot, she injured it further, told me the veins in her foot felt numb

Then she sent more pictures then she told me instead of killing herself she was going to fuck herself up with her medicine by taking double the amount prescribed and I threatened the police again and I forced her to only take her usual dose. I hope.

Then after more back and forth, I kept telling her I was only going to go to sleep once she did, and she said she didn't trust me, that I won't call the police, and I ended up swearing at her and leaving. I was so angry and hurt, I couldn't do anything else

Every single time. Every single time, without missing a single beat, this happens when i try to talk about my feelings. And I can't even vent to anyone. I can't talk to a friend, I can't tell anyone else we know,

She is literally the only person I text. I literally have nobody else that I message. It is only her. And I can't vent to her about my feelings because this will all just happen again

She told me that if we break up she is 100% going to kill herself. Before we met she planned to kill herself after graduating, she almost did it early multiple times. I stopped her. She told me I'm the reason she's alive. Many many times she tells me, even in person, "I'll just go through with my original plans," and the only time she backtracked was the one time I cried after her telling me

I was so angry after today. I don't know what to do. We can't break up, I love her too much, we are locked in, but I'm going insane because I can't talk to anyone.

I don't know what to do

I’m someone who leans more toward anxiety, and I’m currently working on that. But sometimes I still get confused about whether it’s okay not to text my partner when I don’t really have anything to say, especially because my partner doesn’t like texting and we don’t live together.

When we haven’t texted or there’s no small talk that day, my mind starts spiraling, and I get scared that the relationship is slowly falling apart. I know that if there’s no actual problem, everything is fine, and I’ve gotten better at not reacting to those thoughts.

But honestly, I still don’t know how to show up in the relationship without feeling afraid that things are one-sided.

I guess I just need to get this off my chest, and maybe someone here will get what I’m going through, because honestly, I’m kind of spiraling even though I’m trying to stay calm and polite about the whole thing, you know?? I’m 37 years old, been single for what feels like ages, and my family never misses a chance to remind me about it, always these jokes from my siblings, like they think it’s harmless, but it digs a bit deeper every year because I’m trying, I really am, even if they don’t see it!! And suddenly, out of nowhere, someone walks into my life who makes me feel things I thought I left behind in my mid-twenties… and now I’m terrified about messing everything up before it even really starts?? Maybe that sounds silly?? Maybe you’ve been in a similar spot?? I keep asking myself if I’m overthinking or if this is just what happens when life finally throws you something good and you don’t feel prepared for it.

So, the thing is… she’s a stripper. And yes, I already hear some of you sighing or raising an eyebrow or thinking “dude, seriously??” which is exactly the problem, because that’s how my family will react, I’m pretty sure, and it’s driving me crazy before they even know anything. I met her at a friend’s birthday outing, and she wasn’t working then, she was just there, relaxed, laughing, talking like a normal person (because she is a normal person, but I’m embarrassed to admit it took me a minute to see that clearly). We ended up chatting for a long time, and she told me about her job in this kind of open, matter-of-fact way that honestly impressed me!!!! She wasn’t shy or ashamed, she just explained that it pays well, she’s safe, and she’s saving for something better. And all I could think was how confident she sounded, how mature, how honest, while I’m here stressed out because I can’t even handle my family’s dumb comments half the time?? Isn’t that ridiculous?? Sometimes I wonder if I’m the insecure one in this situation and she’s actually the one holding all the maturity.

The more time we’ve spent together, the more I like her… maybe even love her, which feels scary to admit but also kind of hopeful. She’s funny, she listens, she’s patient with my awkwardness, and she seems to genuinely care about who I am, not what I should be by some outdated family standard. I had this moment last week where we were having dinner and she touched my hand in this simple, gentle way, and it just hit me that I haven’t felt that kind of warmth or connection in so long. Do you ever get that sudden wave of “oh wow, this could be something real” and then immediately panic?? Because that’s me… every... single... day!! And then I start worrying again, like what will my brother say, or will my mom look at me with that disappointed half-smile, or will my cousins make their stupid jokes behind my back?? Why am I still scared of these reactions at my age?? I’m 37, for goodness sake, and yet I still worry like I’m some kid trying to hide a bad report card.

But here’s the thing I keep coming back to: maybe this is finally a chance for me to live for myself instead of for what people expect. Maybe dating someone who’s honest, caring, hardworking, and brave enough to choose her own path, no matter what people think, is actually a good influence on me?? I even told her the other day that I was worried about my family judging her, and she smiled and said, “One step at a time… we’ll figure it out when we get there.” And that kind of calm confidence shook me a bit, in a good way!!!! I’ve always been polite, always trying not to upset people, but maybe I’ve been too careful, too scared, too controlled by everyone else’s opinions. Isn’t it strange how we can be grown adults and still be trapped by stuff we should’ve outgrown years ago?? Does that happen to you too??

Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m hopeful… genuinely hopeful for once. I know there will be awkward talks and judgment and probably some uncomfortable family dinners, but I also know that she makes me feel alive and appreciated and seen. And isn’t that what we’re all looking for?? I’m not ashamed of her, not really, not when I’m honest with myself, just scared of the noise around us. But maybe I can learn to let that go, bit by bit. If you’ve ever gone through something like this, how did you handle it?? Did your family come around?? And if they didn’t, did you still move forward anyway?? I really want to believe that choosing someone who cares about me is the right thing… and maybe, just maybe, this is my chance to finally build something real!!

So i used to have a huge argument with my boyfriend that really caused me to have crazy panic episode. And i ended up venting it to my friends and sending the screenshoot of what he said to me. And after the things have cool down i confess to him that i told the story to my friends and send the screenshoot to thek. And he think im crossing his boundaries by doing so and i just realise that. Now i’m filled with guilt and shame for doing that even tho he just said he’s okay with that now but i feel like i ruined the relationship like i cant stop overthinking if he’s going to dump me know because im doing such a fatal thing.

Hi, to everyone reading this!

I have been in a relationship for the past few years, right now I'm thinking do I know my man well enough! Idk something is off maybe with me of him. So this thing has been happening for quite a while, I'm a hopelessly romantic type of person, I just love too deep from caring to taking responsibility for the person I love. I'm a very shy kind and I don't like going outside often and I definitely don't like to go anywhere alone. So at the start of the relationship my man also accompanies me wherever I go shopping and do my normal errands, but now he just doesn't like to do it I guess. When I ask him to take me to buy something he just refuses or if I go alone he doesn't like it either, and if he somehow magically come with me he just gets irritated with every little thing I do or say. I just can't figure him out! If we go into more deep I have been doing everything for him like cooking his fav meal, making him laugh, solving his money problems and even solving his family issues. I never said NO to any of his requests I'm always there for him. I love him, but when I need him he is just not there for me. Today I asked him why are you not here when I need emotional support and he said "I just can't" that he is not that emotional type of person.

Now I'm stuck here don't know what to do or think. I would appreciate any suggestions to tackle this type of situation. Feel free to scold me :)