Anonymous Venting for Mental Health and Emotional Support

I feel like I’m on the verge of a whole medical mental breakdown, I’ve had horrible panic attacks recently , death thoughts, even attempting suicide, and I don’t wanna live anymore, I’m only eating half a cucumber a day, and one glass of water and I feel like every single time I cry people find me annoying, and just want me to die.

I guess I just need to get this off my chest, and maybe someone here will get what I’m going through, because honestly, I’m kind of spiraling even though I’m trying to stay calm and polite about the whole thing, you know?? I’m 37 years old, been single for what feels like ages, and my family never misses a chance to remind me about it, always these jokes from my siblings, like they think it’s harmless, but it digs a bit deeper every year because I’m trying, I really am, even if they don’t see it!! And suddenly, out of nowhere, someone walks into my life who makes me feel things I thought I left behind in my mid-twenties… and now I’m terrified about messing everything up before it even really starts?? Maybe that sounds silly?? Maybe you’ve been in a similar spot?? I keep asking myself if I’m overthinking or if this is just what happens when life finally throws you something good and you don’t feel prepared for it.

So, the thing is… she’s a stripper. And yes, I already hear some of you sighing or raising an eyebrow or thinking “dude, seriously??” which is exactly the problem, because that’s how my family will react, I’m pretty sure, and it’s driving me crazy before they even know anything. I met her at a friend’s birthday outing, and she wasn’t working then, she was just there, relaxed, laughing, talking like a normal person (because she is a normal person, but I’m embarrassed to admit it took me a minute to see that clearly). We ended up chatting for a long time, and she told me about her job in this kind of open, matter-of-fact way that honestly impressed me!!!! She wasn’t shy or ashamed, she just explained that it pays well, she’s safe, and she’s saving for something better. And all I could think was how confident she sounded, how mature, how honest, while I’m here stressed out because I can’t even handle my family’s dumb comments half the time?? Isn’t that ridiculous?? Sometimes I wonder if I’m the insecure one in this situation and she’s actually the one holding all the maturity.

The more time we’ve spent together, the more I like her… maybe even love her, which feels scary to admit but also kind of hopeful. She’s funny, she listens, she’s patient with my awkwardness, and she seems to genuinely care about who I am, not what I should be by some outdated family standard. I had this moment last week where we were having dinner and she touched my hand in this simple, gentle way, and it just hit me that I haven’t felt that kind of warmth or connection in so long. Do you ever get that sudden wave of “oh wow, this could be something real” and then immediately panic?? Because that’s me… every... single... day!! And then I start worrying again, like what will my brother say, or will my mom look at me with that disappointed half-smile, or will my cousins make their stupid jokes behind my back?? Why am I still scared of these reactions at my age?? I’m 37, for goodness sake, and yet I still worry like I’m some kid trying to hide a bad report card.

But here’s the thing I keep coming back to: maybe this is finally a chance for me to live for myself instead of for what people expect. Maybe dating someone who’s honest, caring, hardworking, and brave enough to choose her own path, no matter what people think, is actually a good influence on me?? I even told her the other day that I was worried about my family judging her, and she smiled and said, “One step at a time… we’ll figure it out when we get there.” And that kind of calm confidence shook me a bit, in a good way!!!! I’ve always been polite, always trying not to upset people, but maybe I’ve been too careful, too scared, too controlled by everyone else’s opinions. Isn’t it strange how we can be grown adults and still be trapped by stuff we should’ve outgrown years ago?? Does that happen to you too??

Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m hopeful… genuinely hopeful for once. I know there will be awkward talks and judgment and probably some uncomfortable family dinners, but I also know that she makes me feel alive and appreciated and seen. And isn’t that what we’re all looking for?? I’m not ashamed of her, not really, not when I’m honest with myself, just scared of the noise around us. But maybe I can learn to let that go, bit by bit. If you’ve ever gone through something like this, how did you handle it?? Did your family come around?? And if they didn’t, did you still move forward anyway?? I really want to believe that choosing someone who cares about me is the right thing… and maybe, just maybe, this is my chance to finally build something real!!

Yeah, uh, shocking thing coming up. Maybe in a few months we may be moving to a different home. We bought some property, we paid off a large amount of debt, and the houses are almost done! We made a good investment, since it's a larger house with I think joint houses, and it's larger than an apartment we live in. I'm also kinda scared, since I'm not in my familiar place anymore, I'm way farther than when we last moved, and what if the kids there think I'm still weird? Plus, next year, my class is getting shuffled, plus new kids are coming, so what if they also find their own groups without me, and even in the new neighborhood I'm alone and left out? If that will happen, then guess what, it's a sign the universe is telling me I'm destined for isolation, because who needs people anyways? I heard hermits can be happy being alone, and plus, I wanted to befriend a new kid in this grade earlier, it never happened, so I give up. At least it's easier than failing over and over again. I'd feel worse because even when we shuffled, I'd have no one miss me at all, or even cross their minds. I won't be missed by anyone from school at all. An incident yesterday, when I was reading a Naruto book, 2 kids were asking each other if they liked anime, both which said no and called it boring. Now, I don't care if you like or hate it, but in that context with me around, I felt bad, like they were talking about me.

I can be tough! I can be hard! Why are you suggesting I show vulnerability, if I can get hurt!? As a child, an adult, in life! Who'd wanna reveal all their weaknesses to a random person who's a friend? Maybe they're hiding their plan to hurt you, to humiliate you, to degrade and make nasty jokes about you online in spaces for months just to remind you you're an idiot, or leave you behind because they think you're a weirdo!? My brother is right, I never had a friend and never will! He's found his species, yet I'm the only one remaining. People hurt each other, and I'm not gonna be caught in their crossfires. I feel like Sid, from Toy Story. Braces, kinda angry, friendless cus they're scary, we both cut up toys and reattach their parts, but mostly, I feel like a dumb nerd. I can know too much of a few subjects, especially science, and my brother really hates the "try-hards", the ones who are quiet and get high marks. He calls them lonely people. Bria my doll feels like a bad kid's art project! God, this version of me is....not at all what my younger self wanted. When I told my mom I knew way more than the class about the uh...puberty chapter that even the teacher acknowledged (I was surprised even the girls didn't know the thing after your period was the ovulation cycle which is when you are able to get pregnant), my mom said I was a nice R&D kid, which I thought she said sarcastically, before mom said it was a real compliment. But yeah, 6 y/o me would've never wanted this as her future. 6 y/o me would've called me now a "friendless nerd" too.

I feel like such a nerd for reading JJBA, like, the show's there for a reason! I already feel like a big nerd. No friends, have a niche interest, I have braces, I'm kinda short at 5'4", not really that pretty, and now I'm reading a manga and not watching the anime because I can't watch Netflix because my dad thinks JoJo is weird (seriously, if I tell him that JoJo has scenes like Giorno caressing Mista or that DIO is bi, he'll say it's a "woke" show, when really Araki did this to be even more bizarre), and I don't even know if JoJo airs where I live on Netflix. I'm a bigger nerd for reading Jojo. You know what's my future? A friendless, short, ugly, nerd, smart-ass, snitch version of me. Yeah, no wonder I don't have friends. And mom's lying when she says I'll meet them as an adult! I won't! They'll only short-term friends and not good ones, like what dad said. In fact, screw even finding love at all, because right now, dad said him and mom are just lucky. Not everyone is lucky. They got lucky and managed somehow for 16 years. Seriously, whenever I hear mom tell me she sometimes hate some aspects about dad (he can get overly angry sometimes), I think they're gonna divorce because it all starts from there, right? Plus, mom is a child of divorce, so maybe the cycle repeats. 5 years down the line (I'm 13), I'll be friendless, and then my hobbies will go away forever because of immense IGCSE homework and whatnot, and bam! Next friendless person in the world's billion populated list of friendless, 25 y/o virgins! Even my classmates all have someone! And because of that, they all act like idiots in school! They all have fun and goof off! And those who score higher are just smarter than me. They're not try-hards, they're not-try-at-all because they're smarter than me. And you know what, I will become a lonely, 25 y/o virgin with no hobbies like every adult on Earth, movies say it and real people say it. Then when I turn 30, I'll become 70kg at 5'4" dwarf heights, I'll still be a virgin and I'll be called old with multiple skin tags and wrinkles. I even feel like a messiah next to my classmates because I predicted my true future! Theirs are different because they have people, I don't. Again, by 30, I'll be fat, still short, still ugly, I'll develop skin tags next and maybe my eczema will worsen, I'll be lonely, and I'll lose every time for any hobby and work away in a 9-9 job. Exactly like Bridget Jones! She's what every woman on social media is at 30! Heck, they make videos fearing when they turn 30! I won't find love by then unless I make myself the brothel-girl, because I've heard that's how you get pimped out by someone. Still, my future is dull. And 70kg at 5'4" is very bad, I'll weigh as much as my 43 y/o dad and he's 5'11"!

Anxiety is good for you. I'm not drained, I don't even know it feels to be drained. Maybe anxiety and this constant worrying is good, you're saying adulthood isn't bad because movies sell that. Adulthood sucks because you work 9-9, you lose hobbies due to exhaustion, and if you're a woman, please! I'll still be short at 5'4", and I won't remain 45kg, I'll become 70kg at 30! That's overweight territory! I won't have friends because office is a jungle of competition, so me worrying and giving up is normal! Dad finds those people at 30 like one of my uncles who lives with his parents because he's in a PhD kinda thing and he's super energetic "weird". I thought he was 20, not 35! So if this were the case, look what happens. Dad thinks they're weird. It's all a movie's lie when they say it'll get better. Dad may work 9-6, but I don't think every adult works for that long. I heard in some countries they slog for 9-9, and slogging is good. At least I'd be occupied by work and not people probably secretly wishing harm to me because I'm competition in the workplace! I ain't listening to mom when they say bonding is seen each other's strengths and as much you're both competition you shouldn't bring each other down. In the office, there's a war. There's a scheme where everyone wants to humiliate or berate you. I'm the only Bucciarati in a space of La Squadra Esecuzioni assassins! I have always had such a critical mind. As much as I hate having it, it's the only thing keeping me alive. It's like having a vegetable, you hate it but you gotta eat it to live.

I'm so lonely I don't have anyone to talk to that might feel and then when I finally open up to my parents I'm debating on how I should feel or I'm actually feeling or my memory that I know happen I'm going insane I just want a friend or someone to talk to and I had a friend named Asher and he's gone he just we were dating and then he just stopped talking to me and that was the first time and I want to say since third grade when the pressure got too much I felt just like this pure actual happiness like nothing could bring me down and it is felt like there was nothing in the world that could make me sad again and then he just left me because he was going through some things instead of talking to me he just left and I know it's bad to be very upset at him but I am he just left he just stopped talking to me and now I'm all alone again the difference is he has friends I have none I'm all alone I don't know why I'm so lonely I just want friends I want someone to love me and just let me speak about my feelings but I have no one just no one or maybe one day I will again that's it

sincerely Melody (13,f) [don't comment if you're just gonna be mean]

Growing up my mom and my dad abused physically and emotionally me and all of my siblings. I seem to be the only one in the family who can’t stand the toxicity. 7 years ago I moved 7 hours away family continued to chase me down. (all of my family lives within an hour of each other except for my grandpa in another state) ***and recently even he admitted to making a plan in trying to chase me down to so that I would move back around my family*** a year ago I moved back in with my mom under the pretense that we were going to heal together and that my mom recently admitted she lied to me to get me to move back so that she could change me. She is disgusted that I’m Bisexual, she tells me I’m possessed with demons. I have already lost a bunch of weight since moving back and I hate it I wish I weighed more but my mom keeps trying to get me to lose more. She hates that I were makeup and take time in my day to dress myself in that way that I like I’m the only goth musically and appearance in my family and that constantly try and crush that out of me. Today my bother picks me up and starts screaming at me telling me I’m the problem in my family and that I just need to slap a smile of my face and accept things for how they are. To top that all off I’m in collage and I work and my family tries to stop me from doing school to do a bunch of labor on the property. I’m so drained. I have also been the only one in my family to get high level of care I take antidepressants, I have seen many therapist and psychiatrist to deal with all of this trauma. I am aware of my family disfunction I am not seeking advice I just need to get this off my chest in this moment because today I’m packing my things and I’m leaving tomorrow I’m going to be homeless for a bit but my peace is worth the struggle for awhile. There is so much more about the horrific things my family as done to each other and I can’t do this anymore I blocked all of my family members tonight and I’m leaving tomorrow. I’m letting go of the stress and setting boundaries and allowing myself to have the peace that I deserve.

I've come to the harsh realization that perhaps, I'm not the nicest person around. In my mid-thirties, I find myself surrounded only by a single friend and a girlfriend, yet I can't shake the feeling that I'm somehow superior to others. My lifestyle is quite reclusive; I shy away from any social gatherings related to work, and most of my routine revolves around my job, hitting the gym, smoking weed, and cycling. Traveling and cycling in the forest are my escapes, the rare times I don't feel swamped by depression.

Interacting with people, especially in groups, is a daunting task for me. The fear of turning red-faced and being judged negatively is always lurking. Thus, I avoid such situations altogether. There's a worrisome intensity in the way I live; I indulge too often in alcohol or getting high, viewing people merely as elements that enhance my own existence. My eyes wander too freely, admiring every attractive woman I come across, often blatantly flirting in the presence of my girlfriend. Even though these thoughts are never vocalized, I often catch myself belittling others or feeling utter disdain towards them internally.

I confess to being a staunch atheist, holding a disdainful view towards those who are spiritually inclined, believing myself to be smarter, better-looking, and stronger. The resentment builds whenever I see someone possessing what I desire, although I manage to keep this anger bottled up within.

Dominating these emotions is a profound sense of isolation, mixed oddly with a perverse comfort in wallowing in my misery. Sometimes, hurting my own feelings seems like a twisted form of pleasure, perhaps because it means feeling something at all.

My family background does little to lighten my outlook. My brother lives with the dark shadow of being a murderer and a former heroin addict. My father was a violent man, devoid of emotions, who ultimately took his own life. My mother, afflicted by illness so severe that she has been bedridden since my childhood, sparks a guilt within me for not taking care of her. However, I've chosen a path of self-preservation as dedicating myself to her care would consume my own existence entirely.

This life I've crafted for myself is one I despise, yet a part of me feels I shouldn't. With a good education, a well-paying job, and an undeniable appeal to women, I should feel fulfilled. Instead, I’m left feeling empty and, frankly, disgusted with myself for sounding like a self-pitying fool. What the hell is wrong with me?

Despite my efforts not to belittle others overtly, the impression that people don’t like me is hard to shake off. Loneliness is a constant companion.

If I were to join a reality show, my character might be polarizing. Would the audience appreciate my brutally honest introspections, or would they be repelled by my self-confessed arrogance and emotional detachment? It's intriguing yet terrifying to ponder how my persona would unfold under the constant scrutiny of cameras and a public audience.

I chose the friendship stories category but yeah it's related to friendship, love, family, work... I am like that.

Hey everyone, I’m not usually one to air my personal stuff, but I really need some advice here. For the past few months, I’ve had this gut feeling that my wife might be cheating on me, and it's eating me alive. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but the signs are starting to pile up, and I’m just not sure what to do.

It all started when she began staying late at work more often. At first, I didn’t think much of it—she’s always been dedicated to her job. But then, she became super protective of her phone. She used to leave it lying around, but now she keeps it close and seems to be on it all the time, even at odd hours. And when I casually ask about her day, her answers feel...vague? Like she’s hiding something.

Then there are the little things. She started dressing up more than usual, even just to “run errands” or meet friends. It’s almost like she’s trying to impress someone. I’ve tried to brush it off, telling myself I’m being paranoid, but every time I bring it up, she gets defensive or says I’m just being insecure. It makes me feel like maybe I’m overthinking, but part of me feels like my concerns are valid.

To make things worse, I found a receipt for a fancy dinner that she said was a "work thing," but I know her company usually doesn’t do dinners like that. I keep second-guessing myself, and now I’m stuck in this loop of anxiety. I don’t want to accuse her without solid proof, but I also can’t keep living in this uncertainty.

So here I am, asking for advice. Has anyone else been through this? How do you confront someone you love without it turning into a huge fight? Should I even bring it up again, or am I just being paranoid? Any advice would be appreciated—I feel like I’m losing my mind here.

For the longest time, I’ve been stuck in this cycle of excuses. I’d wake up every morning telling myself I’d make changes, that today would be different, but by the time the day ended, I was back to square one. Whether it’s eating healthier, exercising, or even just cleaning my space, I keep putting it off. I’d tell myself, "I’ll start tomorrow," but tomorrow never seems to come.

Yesterday was my breaking point. I was scrolling through social media and saw an old friend post about running their first marathon. I remember how we used to run together, how much I loved it back then. And now? I can’t even jog up the stairs without feeling winded. It hit me like a ton of bricks—what am I even doing with my life? Why do I keep finding reasons to avoid what I know I need to do?

I looked around my apartment after that. Clothes piled up on the floor, dishes in the sink from who-knows-how-many days ago, and a gym membership card collecting dust on the counter. That’s when it finally clicked—it’s time to stop. It’s time to stop avoiding the hard stuff, time to stop pretending everything will fix itself, and time to stop being my own worst enemy.

I don’t have a perfect plan yet, and honestly, I’m scared I’ll slip back into my old habits. But I know I can’t keep going like this. If I don’t make a change now, when will I? Maybe writing this out will help me stay accountable. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re feeling stuck too, maybe it’s time to stop and take the first step. We’ve got this.

Got lots of love to give but no one wants to have it. They want the toxic ones.

I grew up in a very religious family where our faith has always guided our lives and choices. The teachings I’ve known my whole life tell me that being gay is wrong, and yet, I feel these undeniable attractions that make me question everything. I’ve tried to push it down, to change, to pray it away, but it’s always there, a part of me I can’t ignore.

I don’t know how to reconcile my beliefs with who I am. It feels like every day, I’m torn between two worlds: the expectations of my family and faith, and the reality of my own heart. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Is this something I can change, or should I even try? I’ve heard so many opinions, but deep down, I just want to know if I can truly be at peace with both my faith and myself.

If anyone has gone through something similar, or if you have advice, I’d really appreciate hearing from you. I feel so lost and alone in this struggle, and I just need someone to help me see a way through this.