Anonymous venting

Living together with my fiancée and her young daughter has its sweet moments, but mealtime has started to become a bit of a battleground recently. As the primary cook in our household, I've always taken the lead on planning and preparing our meals. While I make sure to accommodate their taste preferences, my suggestions have been increasingly met with complaints like, “no, I don’t like that,” or “can we have something else instead?”

Just this evening, pleading for the chance to whip up a simple dish of pasta with homemade tomato sauce felt more challenging than it should.

Earlier today, while we were grocery shopping, I stumbled upon an item I hadn’t enjoyed for over a year. Excited, I pointed it out, only to be met with disdain from my fiancée and a rather unpleasant comment from my stepdaughter, likening the appearance of the food to diarrhea. This remark not only dampened my spirits but also left me feeling rather hurt.

Frustrated, I declared over dinner that they would need to take on the meal planning themselves moving forward. I mentioned that from now on, I could just prepare meals for myself if that would simplify things.

Suppose my ordeal was featured on a reality show. In that scenario, I can only imagine the varied reactions of the audience. Some might empathize with my frustration over the lack of appreciation for my cooking efforts, while others could argue that I overreacted by deciding to step back from cooking for the family. It would certainly spark a lively debate among viewers, each siding differently based on their personal views on family dynamics and responsibilities.

How do you see my reaction in the situation? Was I right?

Currently, we’re providing shelter to my sister Helen and her family after their house suffered damage from Hurricane Helene (yep... bad naming coincidence...). We’ve set some ground rules while they stay with us: they must respect our space, her boys are not allowed in my daughter Lucy’s room, and they need to move out as soon as their home is repaired.

Unfortunately, Helen's sons disregarded these rules and entered Lucy's room, rummaging through her belongings. They discovered one of Lucy’s special compression bras, which she uses for her theater roles. Since she’s been involved in drama from a young age, this bra, which resembles a tank top, is essential for when she needs to portray a boy or a young girl by flattening her chest to suit the character better.

The situation escalated when Helen found the bra and discarded it.

We only noticed it was missing when Lucy was organizing her theatre kit for a play rehearsal. She’s due to play Viola in her school’s rendition of "Twelfth Night," and this bra is vital for her costume. It wasn't just any item; it cost us $50 as most of Lucy's theatre expenses like makeup and costumes are covered by us.

I approached Helen about the issue, insisting she reimburse us so we could replace the item. However, Helen resisted, citing her financial hardships and questioning the appropriateness of Lucy owning such an item. She used the phrase "boys will be boys" to dismiss her sons' behavior. Our mother has always been lenient towards Helen and thinks I’m being overly strict, especially considering Helen's current status as a financially struggling single mother without a home.

All I want is for my daughter’s possessions to be replaced. Is it unreasonable to expect that?

If this scenario unfolded on a reality TV show, viewers might witness heightened drama with hosts and audience reactions potentially split. Some might sympathize with the plight of a family losing their home, while others could argue the importance of respecting belongings and personal space, creating a polarized viewer response.

How would you feel if your relative discarded your belongings?

I have this neighbor, who constantly assumes it's okay to dump her child on me at the most inconvenient times without any prior notice. She appears to struggle with her role as a mother, particularly as she's on the older side and still has a 4-year-old at home that she seems unable to manage. Her son is quite spoiled and doesn’t understand the concept of boundaries.

Every time she spots me outside, she doesn’t even bother to ask; she just sends him over to my place and assumes I’ll take over. It’s reached a point where they both would just walk right into my house if I didn’t respond quickly enough and the door was left unlocked from the inside. I’ve expressed my discomfort with her behavior, but occasionally, she still leaves things on my kitchen counter without permission.

Just last week, she pretended to have a severe migraine which she claimed turned into a concussion. She called an ambulance, but even after the medics assured her she was fine and hospitalization wasn’t necessary, she insisted. Then, she casually informed me that I would need to look after her son for the evening and the following morning, including dropping him off at kindergarten, before leaving her child crying behind her.

Then, just yesterday, merely two days after another draining episode, she had the nerve to ask if I could feed her son dinner because she "couldn’t be bothered" as I was on my way out. I refused, and she responded with a harsh stare before retreating into her house, muttering about how she’s always there for others, yet no one seems willing to reciprocate.

Am I being unreasonable for refusing to cater to her whims concerning her child, or should I be more understanding?

Imagine if this situation were part of a reality show. The cameras rolling as my neighbor blatantly oversteps boundaries could either paint me as a villain for not helping a struggling mother or as a victim of her irresponsible behavior. The audience might be split. Some could sympathize with my desire for personal boundaries, while others might argue that community support is crucial and I should be more accommodating.

However, is there not a limit to how much one should be expected to intervene in someone else’s parental responsibilities, especially when taken for granted so explicitly?

Growing up, my twin sister Emily and I have always shared a deep bond. Recently, however, that bond was put to the test due to her relationship choices. About a year ago, Emily began dating a guy named Ryan. I never had a good impression of him, though Emily seemed completely enamored, even mentioning marriage. This past summer, while I was shopping, a confrontation at the grocery store left me stunned. A woman approached me, mistaking me for Emily, and accused me of dating her ex and sending her hateful messages. She claimed that Ryan, the father of her three children, had abandoned them. Before I could correct her identity mix-up, she showed me messages that Emily had sent her. I couldn't believe Emily would become involved with someone so irresponsible.

When I confronted my sister, she initially denied it, but eventually she admitted that she had hidden the truth. Emily knew that I disapprove of men who shirk their paternal responsibilities, and she didn't want my judgment. That revelation strained our relationship, making me see her in a different light.

The situation escalated when Emily invited me over to announce her pregnancy with Ryan. I couldn’t hide my displeasure, especially towards Ryan. When he asked what my issue with him was, I openly called him a deadbeat. Following this, as I was leaving, Emily confronted me in tears, pleading for my support during her pregnancy. Despite my anger, I told her I'd try to be present for her, but I warned her that she might regret her decisions.

Now, Emily has texted me, demanding that I apologize to both her and Ryan. She's even threatened to cut ties with me if I refuse. This leaves me wondering, am I really in the wrong here?

If this rift between us played out on a reality show, cameras documenting every emotional outburst and terse exchange, I can only imagine the public's reaction would be divided. Some might side with Emily, viewing her pursuit of love and happiness as justifiable, regardless of Ryan’s past. Others might applaud my stance, resonating with my disapproval of Ryan’s negligence towards his existing responsibilities. The mix of family drama, moral dilemmas, and personal convictions would undoubtedly captivate an audience, adding layers of complexity to each viewer's perception based on their personal values and experiences.

Should I apologize to keep peace in the family?

In my line of work within a specific branch of government, we have a close-knit community. Among my colleagues is someone I'll refer to as Sara, who recently put me in a rather precarious situation. Sara and I have always had a decent working relationship, strictly professional, and she's known for her integrity.

Sara came to me with a request to help her secure a personal loan of $25,000. Her objective is to purchase a space to set up a store in her hometown, aiming to boost her husband’s financial stability.

Personally, I’ve managed to stay debt-free and cautious about any financial engagements. Trusting Sara wasn’t the issue, but the magnitude of the loan and its implications made me anxious. I expressed my reservations, telling her, “I understand this is crucial for you, but I’m not comfortable with the risk associated with cosigning such a substantial sum. It’s a serious financial commitment, and I’m not ready to undertake that risk.”

This response led Sara to become visibly upset and emotional. She retorted, “You don’t trust me? This store is our chance to secure our financial future! The bank won’t consider my husband because he doesn’t have a job right now. I really thought you could help me.”

Although I felt awful for declining, my stance was firm based on my own financial principles—something influenced by my admiration for financial guru, Dave Ramsey, and his skepticism towards debt.

Now, the atmosphere between Sara and me has grown tense, and she's scarcely conversing with me. The guilt for not aiding her does linger, yet I remain convinced that prioritizing my financial health was the right choice.

Was I wrong to refuse to cosign her loan?

Imagine if this scenario played out on a reality show. The cameras capturing every detail, the audience likely split in their sympathies. The pressures of public opinion could potentially sway my decision or make the fallout from my refusal even more dramatic. How would the audience react, watching these personal and financial dilemmas unfold in real time? Would they champion my cautious approach, or condemn it as unsympathetic?

I have a big family that’s incredibly close. We have big family dinners every few months where we all meet at my great grandfather's estate and eat together. Typically, how this works is that the women go cook for the time they’re there and the men don’t, which I am fully aware is sexist as hell. That being said, I am one of the youngest people in the family and my protests mean literally nothing.

Some of those women choose not to cook; however, this is usually met with a level of ostracizing. The women who don’t cook are wives and long-term girlfriends, so they kinda already have a good family relationship established. When I have seen new partners not cook, it’s gone bad. Like completely ostracized, not speaking, cattiness, rudeness, etc.

This dinner will be in two weeks and my girlfriend was asked if she would attend. Initially, she said yes, which is great. I want for her to meet everyone and for everyone to get used to her being around, but when I explained to her the tradition, she was understandably bothered.

I told her that I understood where she was coming from; however, it was best for everyone if she just played along. I told her this isn’t a permanent thing and that I am only asking her to do this so that she can avoid bad treatment from the rest of the family. This is her first impression and I don’t think it’s best if we cause waves.

She told me that it’s unacceptable and that if she has to do that, she will not be going. I’ve tried to find a compromise with her on this, but she won’t budge and she’s pissed at me. She told me that if I think it’s acceptable to make her do this, I’m just as bad as everyone else, while my point is that she needs to make a good first impression.

Imagine if this was a reality show. How do you think my family and my girlfriend's reactions would play out on TV? Would the audience side with me, understanding the family dynamics, or would they see me as a villain for pushing her into such a sexist tradition?

I have two kids with my wife. When they were young, my parents generously set up education funds for both of them.

My wife and I always expected our kids to go to college and then grad school, just like we did. I have a PhD and my wife has a master’s degree. Because of this, we decided not to use the funds for their undergrad degrees and didn’t tell them about the money.

My daughter has always been into liberal arts, while my son is more of a STEM guy. We worried about her job prospects, but she insisted on studying music and film in college. She got into some top schools and chose an expensive one, but she had scholarships covering almost all tuition. Everything else, plus living expenses, was her responsibility. She lived in a tiny apartment shared with friends in a rough area far from campus, but she managed and learned to budget effectively. After graduating, she found a job she enjoys, though it doesn’t pay much, and gave up on grad school.

My son decided on engineering and also didn’t want to go to grad school. We were disappointed but accepted it since he’s lined up for a great job after school. He didn’t get as many scholarships as his sister, so we used his education fund for his tuition and living expenses. He got a large, nice apartment close to school, which is important given his demanding classes.

My daughter was confused about how he could afford this and he told her about the education fund. She called us, upset, asking why she didn’t get one. We told her she did, but we saved it hoping she’d go to grad school. She seemed hurt and asked if she could have the money now. We explained there’d be a fee to withdraw the money for non-education uses, and if we did that, it would go back to her grandparents for their use. Since then, she’s been short in her texts and hasn’t answered our calls. I know it seems unfair to her, but it’s not really her money and she’s not in college anymore. Her brother got it for educational purposes only. Am I wrong?

How would people react if this situation was on a reality show? Would viewers side with my daughter or understand my perspective and the importance of using the funds as intended?

My Partner and I Disagreed About Our House Renovation Project

So my partner and I disagreed about me asking him to take time off for our house renovation project. I suggested he use some of his holiday for a garden project so we could get a big proportion of it done in one go. He said no, his holiday was his time to do what he wanted and it wasn't fair for me to ask him to use it for the house renovations as he has less holidays than me. I said maybe he could just use 1 or 2 days and he said he would not compromise on this and wanted to do the project over several weekends instead.

As I have school holidays off, I said I would not be comprising either and would be getting the work done in my holidays and not just on the weekends as I wanted it to be done sooner.

He said that was not fair as he wanted to be just as involved in the project as me and accused me of threatening to do the work without him and not respecting his choice to save his holidays for things he likes doing more. He also said I could do other projects to which I replied that I just end up doing the rubbish jobs that he doesn't want to do because I have more holidays than him.

If we were in a reality show, I wonder how people would react to this situation. Would they side with me, or would they think I'm being unreasonable? It's so easy for others to judge when they're not in the same position.

So my buddy and I came up with this idea. Well, it was mostly his idea, and he's more knowledgeable in that field than I am. But since I'm a good coder, he needed me to handle the coding part. I bought the domain, and he was supposed to create the website. I gave him the login details, but weeks went by, and the site was untouched. I thought the idea fizzled out, and we both got busy with our own stuff—he had work, and I was traveling.

Months later, I noticed the domain just sitting there. On a whim, I decided to work on the website and bring the idea to life. After months of effort, the site started gaining traction and making sales.

It now brings in a decent monthly income.

Recently, I told my buddy about it because I wanted to involve him in a campaign with a customer and maybe offer a split of the campaign profits. Now he wants to make changes to the website, adjust prices, and add his knowledge to improve it.

I'm feeling conflicted because I put in a lot of effort and went through trial and error to build the business. He argues that it was his idea and his suggestion to buy the domain, which is true.

Am I wrong for not wanting to go along with his changes?

I offered to create a new site with him where we can implement his ideas on pricing and design, but he's insistent on modifying the current site.

Now, I wonder how people would react if this were happening on a reality show. Would they see me as the bad guy, or would they understand my side of the story?

Hi everyone. I (28m) met an intriguing person (45?, I'll call them Jo) a few days ago who proposed a sugar parent (SP) relationship, with me as the sugar baby. I thought, why not, and agreed. I didn't know much about these relationships, and I still don't, so I let them take the lead.

So, Jo asked me to download a banking app. After checking it out, it seemed fine, so I set up an account. Then, Jo asked for my login and password. I'm not comfortable with that and told Jo as much. When I asked why, Jo said they wanted to use it for trade. That raised some red flags for me, and I told Jo. They explained it was meant to be a safe account for trades "off the radar." But that account had my personal details, like my SSN.

I told Jo I wasn't comfortable with that and suggested using my Venmo QR code instead. Jo said if I couldn't do this, I shouldn't worry about doing anything else. I pointed out that asking for such details is a lot, even for people who've been dating for years, let alone two people who just met. I felt their request seemed financially abusive.

Jo accused me of not knowing what trust is and said I needed to take a leap of faith. But I'm an atheist, and leaps of faith aren't my thing. I told Jo their behavior could be seen as financially abusive and that others wouldn't take it kindly. Jo ended the conversation, and now I'm not sure if I hurt Jo's feelings or caught them in a scam.

If this was on a reality show, how would people react? Would they think I was being overly cautious or see Jo's behavior as suspicious?

So, am I right for not wanting to share my banking information with Jo? Anyone with experience or general knowledge of SP relationships, please share your thoughts.