Anonymous venting

Dont know how to start, but last year I told my partner to never ever loan money online because I kept on worrying that he would get scammed in instead of getting what he wanted, later on when we were heading home I noticed that he kept hiding his phone from me whenever I would peek, and obviously I noticed something strange as he usually let's me peek to his phone, moving foward is that he told me that he borrowed some money online to buy something that he really wanted (p.s. things are getting a little bit rough fue to financial problems), I was mad but forgave him later on and told him the second time that he should promise me that he wouldn't borrow or loan some money online. Moving foward things are going great we were having fun, but I dont specifically know how I know again but he borrowed money again through online because his reason is that "he was irritated and out of his mind by the we had an argument to each other" which I was angry and a bit sad because firstly notnonly he broke his promise to me but at the same time it feels like it was my fault that we fought to each other. I didn't argue back but just scolded him because it was also affecting me to, as because the cost kept getting higher and he needed help so I lend him some money. I told him the THIRD TIME that he should promise me again and stop spending and start saving money. At this point I dont know why but im slowly losing trust on him whenever he would do something I just kinda accepted it, never argue about it because it will only make things worst.

Recently he reached out to me again that he needed to pay something, which is for the money he borrowed again online, I didn't argue but yet dissapointed, I told him that this time he should pay me back because heck the money he needed to pay is out of my budget, since I "love him" that much I lend him some cash, later on since I was bored I wanted to play with my partner so I asked him out to play with me, and thinking also that he would be easy on me and even be affectionate towards me since I did him a favor and such, i expected too much and didn't gpt that kind of treatment but it's whatever its just a game, during the game there's this figurine he wanted to buy and even told his dad and such and he agreed (p.s. we are only college students that still needed support from our parents) and he wanted to ask the buyer if its still available on the day of his birthday, which he reached out to me needing help to chat the seller and I told him I would do it later as because we were playing, on our last game which he reminded me again that he needed help I told him I would do it later, but he seems soo desperate to ask the seller and decided to ask it himself in a mad tone, which I got angry and he got angry with me saying "I'll do it myself, all ypu wanted to do just to play" which I got furious so I left the game.

Things aren't good with us recently and kept on thinking the things that I have done to him, providing him financial needs whenever he needed to without asking anything in return and even the love that he needed since everything is going rough with him so as much a possible I tried to become supportive, but in return it feels like the more I provide the lesser i get in return, I've been expecting a lot to him, maybe something more affectionate rather than giving me such sexual activities and such, even though i kept telling myself when he's happy then I'm happy but at the same time I don't feel like that.

I can't even confront him my feelings like before, can't even cry out like this in front of him, knowing nothing will happen, I've been distancing my real feelings with him, should I just leave him if this keeps happening, all the vreak prormises that he told me he would srop doing it to me, the things even the little ones he would get angry about, mybfeelings being invalidated knowing if I opened up he will get angry with me or even being dissapointed with me.

I never thought we would end up here. After twenty years of marriage, I find myself lying awake at night, staring at the ceiling, wonderin where it all went wrong. I look over at you sometimes and you’re right there, but it feels like you’re a million miles away. You don’t smile at me like you used to, you don’t laugh at my silly jokes, you don’t touch me just because anymore. And maybe it sounds childish, but I miss that so much. I miss feeling like you saw me, like you actually wanted me around. Now everything feels so cold and routine. We go through the motions—work, dinner, kids, bills, sleep—but the love part? It feels like it’s gone. Sometimes I wonder if you even notice how quiet it’s gotten between us. If you see how hard I’m trying to still reach you through all this distance. Or maybe you do notice and you just don't care anymore. Maybe you just... don’t love me anymore.

I keep telling myself maybe it’s just stress. Maybe it’s just life being hard and busy, the way it gets after so many years. But deep down I feel it. The way you barely look at me when you walk in the door. The way you say “love you” like it’s just another chore to check off. I feel invisible in a house we built together. I try to talk to you, to open up about how lonely I feel, but it’s like you shut down before I even get the words out. You say everything’s fine, that I’m “overthinking” again. But it’s not fine. Not to me. I crave something more than just existing side by side. I want to feel chosen again. Wanted. Loved. I miss the little things—the random hugs, the spontaneous kisses, the way you used to light up just seeing me. I don’t need grand gestures. I just need to feel like I still matter to you, like I’m still the person you dreamed about growing old with. Right now, it feels like I’m just... there. And the hardest part? I still love you so much, and maybe that’s why it hurts like hell to wonder if you don't anymore.

ive always been different. even when i was little i noticed it. i had meltdowns at school and sometimes i would run out of the classroom. everything got too loud and too confusing. kids stayed away from me. some were scared. i got bullied a lot. it made me think something was wrong with me.

i wanted friends. i wanted to be like everyone else. but i didnt know how. it felt like i missed out on learning something everyone else just knew. my parents tried to help. they got me on meds and into therapy. it didnt fix how alone i felt. it just made me feel guilty for being a problem.

growing up i barely had any friends. most of the time i was by myself. even in high school, when it seemed like everyone had groups and plans and people to count on, i had maybe two or three people i could really trust. and even then i was scared. i felt like if they ever knew the real me, they might leave too. and if they did, i would have no one.

im bi but i dont tell people. its not because im ashamed. its because im terrified of losing the little bit of connection i have. i know if i tell the wrong person, i could lose the only friends i trust. and if that happens, thats it. im alone again. completely. and i dont know if i can handle that. id rather hide it and keep something than be honest and lose everything.

the only thing that worked for me was baseball. when i played, i wasnt different. i was just part of a team. ive played since i was a kid. no vacations, no parties, no normal stuff. just baseball.

for a while that was enough.

now i know im probably not going to make it. im not getting drafted. im not going to play pro. and i dont know what to do without it. it was never just a game to me. it was my whole life.

now im studying accounting. im good at numbers, maybe because of my autism. people say its a smart choice. they say it will get me a good job. but i dont like it. its just surviving. working and paying bills and doing it all again the next day. i hate it. i hate that dreams dont matter unless they make money.

i thought about coaching but it doesnt pay enough. so i have to give that up too.

i feel stuck most days. like i missed too much already and now im building a life that wont make me happy. people told me i was going to do great things. and now if im not the best at something, i feel like im nothing.

i dont talk about this much. i dont want to make it anyone elses problem. i dont want to just survive. i want to actually live.

I will only believe a girl likes me if she cries for me. i promise i am not sadistic or anything, i just have BAD trust issues and will only believe someone's love and yearning if they display it loudly and clearly. I don't want to give someone love without the assurance that they love me too. i want to love, but i could never allow myself to love someone if they don't show their love to me first. I don't want to be used, i don't want to be vulnerable. i want to be detached, so when abandonment eventually comes, i won't be as impacted.

i know this might be bad, but the more i watch other sapphics/lesbians like me talk about their painful breakups, the thicker my barrier grows. I don't wanna be hurt, i don't wanna be weak. vulnerability is my biggest fear. but for the sake of not hurting myself, i might end up hurting someone... it always comes to my mind, what if someone truly loves me, but my barrier became way too thick for me to take it?

i have a friend, my only highschool friend, and she said i am her best friend. guess what? it's still hard to believe her. we talk often and frequent the same places, and she's always willing to talk to me unless she's super drained, but i still haven't found the strength to open up fully, because she might disappear anytime. i can't believe I'm more than just "someone she knows". i want to protect myself, but i feel like doing it this way is making me worse. I don't know what to do.

When i was 5 we moved out to a cottage shared by 4 families ( we were friends and yes, there were 4 dif houses) me and those kids had such a grat bond, like when i fought with my mom i would go to their house and stuff. well some years later my dog died and they were the ones to help me out with that as well. After some time, our parents had a fight so we had to move out, so we couldn't speak, after a month it was my birthday and i invited that family at my party . turns out that my mom never actually send the invitation... when i found out i imidiately called the youngest friom the family wich i had the closest bond with and spoke to her .. i couldn't stop crying on this cal... and then after MUCH begging she came over at mine, that was the best day of my life... let's say now we went to church with my school and her school was there too. i asked my teacher with tears in my eyes if i could go say hi and she said no.. then she asked hers and se said yes.. when she came to hug me i started crying and the hole church was looking at me but i really didn't care at all and that is probably going to be the last time i ever see her..

Hey everyone, I’m not usually one to air my personal stuff, but I really need some advice here. For the past few months, I’ve had this gut feeling that my wife might be cheating on me, and it's eating me alive. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but the signs are starting to pile up, and I’m just not sure what to do.

It all started when she began staying late at work more often. At first, I didn’t think much of it—she’s always been dedicated to her job. But then, she became super protective of her phone. She used to leave it lying around, but now she keeps it close and seems to be on it all the time, even at odd hours. And when I casually ask about her day, her answers feel...vague? Like she’s hiding something.

Then there are the little things. She started dressing up more than usual, even just to “run errands” or meet friends. It’s almost like she’s trying to impress someone. I’ve tried to brush it off, telling myself I’m being paranoid, but every time I bring it up, she gets defensive or says I’m just being insecure. It makes me feel like maybe I’m overthinking, but part of me feels like my concerns are valid.

To make things worse, I found a receipt for a fancy dinner that she said was a "work thing," but I know her company usually doesn’t do dinners like that. I keep second-guessing myself, and now I’m stuck in this loop of anxiety. I don’t want to accuse her without solid proof, but I also can’t keep living in this uncertainty.

So here I am, asking for advice. Has anyone else been through this? How do you confront someone you love without it turning into a huge fight? Should I even bring it up again, or am I just being paranoid? Any advice would be appreciated—I feel like I’m losing my mind here.

I've come to the harsh realization that perhaps, I'm not the nicest person around. In my mid-thirties, I find myself surrounded only by a single friend and a girlfriend, yet I can't shake the feeling that I'm somehow superior to others. My lifestyle is quite reclusive; I shy away from any social gatherings related to work, and most of my routine revolves around my job, hitting the gym, smoking weed, and cycling. Traveling and cycling in the forest are my escapes, the rare times I don't feel swamped by depression.

Interacting with people, especially in groups, is a daunting task for me. The fear of turning red-faced and being judged negatively is always lurking. Thus, I avoid such situations altogether. There's a worrisome intensity in the way I live; I indulge too often in alcohol or getting high, viewing people merely as elements that enhance my own existence. My eyes wander too freely, admiring every attractive woman I come across, often blatantly flirting in the presence of my girlfriend. Even though these thoughts are never vocalized, I often catch myself belittling others or feeling utter disdain towards them internally.

I confess to being a staunch atheist, holding a disdainful view towards those who are spiritually inclined, believing myself to be smarter, better-looking, and stronger. The resentment builds whenever I see someone possessing what I desire, although I manage to keep this anger bottled up within.

Dominating these emotions is a profound sense of isolation, mixed oddly with a perverse comfort in wallowing in my misery. Sometimes, hurting my own feelings seems like a twisted form of pleasure, perhaps because it means feeling something at all.

My family background does little to lighten my outlook. My brother lives with the dark shadow of being a murderer and a former heroin addict. My father was a violent man, devoid of emotions, who ultimately took his own life. My mother, afflicted by illness so severe that she has been bedridden since my childhood, sparks a guilt within me for not taking care of her. However, I've chosen a path of self-preservation as dedicating myself to her care would consume my own existence entirely.

This life I've crafted for myself is one I despise, yet a part of me feels I shouldn't. With a good education, a well-paying job, and an undeniable appeal to women, I should feel fulfilled. Instead, I’m left feeling empty and, frankly, disgusted with myself for sounding like a self-pitying fool. What the hell is wrong with me?

Despite my efforts not to belittle others overtly, the impression that people don’t like me is hard to shake off. Loneliness is a constant companion.

If I were to join a reality show, my character might be polarizing. Would the audience appreciate my brutally honest introspections, or would they be repelled by my self-confessed arrogance and emotional detachment? It's intriguing yet terrifying to ponder how my persona would unfold under the constant scrutiny of cameras and a public audience.

I chose the friendship stories category but yeah it's related to friendship, love, family, work... I am like that.

For the longest time, I’ve been stuck in this cycle of excuses. I’d wake up every morning telling myself I’d make changes, that today would be different, but by the time the day ended, I was back to square one. Whether it’s eating healthier, exercising, or even just cleaning my space, I keep putting it off. I’d tell myself, "I’ll start tomorrow," but tomorrow never seems to come.

Yesterday was my breaking point. I was scrolling through social media and saw an old friend post about running their first marathon. I remember how we used to run together, how much I loved it back then. And now? I can’t even jog up the stairs without feeling winded. It hit me like a ton of bricks—what am I even doing with my life? Why do I keep finding reasons to avoid what I know I need to do?

I looked around my apartment after that. Clothes piled up on the floor, dishes in the sink from who-knows-how-many days ago, and a gym membership card collecting dust on the counter. That’s when it finally clicked—it’s time to stop. It’s time to stop avoiding the hard stuff, time to stop pretending everything will fix itself, and time to stop being my own worst enemy.

I don’t have a perfect plan yet, and honestly, I’m scared I’ll slip back into my old habits. But I know I can’t keep going like this. If I don’t make a change now, when will I? Maybe writing this out will help me stay accountable. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re feeling stuck too, maybe it’s time to stop and take the first step. We’ve got this.

I grew up in a very religious family where our faith has always guided our lives and choices. The teachings I’ve known my whole life tell me that being gay is wrong, and yet, I feel these undeniable attractions that make me question everything. I’ve tried to push it down, to change, to pray it away, but it’s always there, a part of me I can’t ignore.

I don’t know how to reconcile my beliefs with who I am. It feels like every day, I’m torn between two worlds: the expectations of my family and faith, and the reality of my own heart. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Is this something I can change, or should I even try? I’ve heard so many opinions, but deep down, I just want to know if I can truly be at peace with both my faith and myself.

If anyone has gone through something similar, or if you have advice, I’d really appreciate hearing from you. I feel so lost and alone in this struggle, and I just need someone to help me see a way through this.

Being a mom is the most rewarding and terrifying thing I’ve ever done. My little girl is only two years old, but every single day, I find myself wondering: am I doing enough? How to be a good mother when it feels like there’s so much to figure out?

Some days, I feel like I’m nailing it. We play together, she laughs at my silly songs, and I can see how happy she is. But then there are moments when I feel like I’m completely failing. Like yesterday, when I lost my temper because she spilled juice on the carpet after I told her three times not to run around with her cup. She cried, and it broke my heart because all I could think about was, “What kind of mom yells at a two-year-old over juice?”

I read parenting blogs and watch videos on how to raise happy, confident kids, but it’s overwhelming. There’s so much advice out there, and half of it feels contradictory. Be strict, but not too strict. Let them explore, but set boundaries. Make healthy meals, but don’t stress if they eat nuggets and fries once in a while. I’m trying to do it all, but is that even possible?

I see other moms who seem to have it all together—perfectly dressed kids, Pinterest-worthy lunches, and spotless homes. Meanwhile, I’m just proud if I can get her to daycare on time with matching socks. Sometimes, I wonder if they’re struggling too and just hiding it better.

I love my daughter more than anything, and I want her to grow up feeling loved, supported, and safe. But how do I know if I’m doing it right? Is there some magic formula on how to be a good mother, or is it just about showing up every day and doing your best?

If anyone has advice or has felt this way too, I’d love to hear it. I’m trying so hard, but some days it feels like I’m just fumbling through.