Anonymous venting

I stand I front of myself in the mirror, tears blurring the vision of the dress I tried on. It was a looser fit than before, but not lose enough. The contents of my stomach always emptied not so long after meals, lost somewhere in the pipes that rest beneath my house. And I stare at my bruised frame, cursing myself for the damage I am causing to myself. All because the only thing I want to feel is pretty. I make myself sick because I know this is all wrong. I know because it is only reassurance that I have gained over the years. Yes i’m aware I need to come to terms with my body, love myself unconditionally and all that, but I don’t. I can’t.

TW: sexual assault

Hi um so I'm posting here because I really don't have anywhere else to talk but I've been having a lot of trouble recently. I've been remembering a lot of the bad things that happened to me when I was a kid and it's a lot and idk what to do because I can't stop remembering it. From the ages of 9-11 my best friend who was the same age and gender as me kind of like molested me? I don't know if it counts because we're both girls and the same age but she would do a lot of things to me. I don't wanna get into a lot of details but it happened at least once a week and it did involve penetration with her fingers. I remember it happening a lot and she'd "experiment" on me, and one time our parents walked in. They were really mad and her parents stopped talking to us for a week but she convinced them it wasn't that bad and we were just "playing doctor" but she never stopped after that and I'd tell her I didn't like it but she would tell me I'm pathetic and if I didn't do this I wouldn't be her best friend, so I did. It went on until she moved to a different state and I honestly forgot about it until like a few months ago and I've been recalling everything she'd done to me and idk what to do because I feel disgusting and I can't stop thinking about it and I know it wasn't a super big deal bcs yk we were both kids but I still can't get it out of my head and it's like scaring me and idk what to do and idk if it even counts because we were both kids and we were both girls but I think I've been spiraling downhill recently and I realize how a lot of the stuff I do like being awkward in convos or having trouble with physical touch is partially due to this and I just hate myself for it because I can't get over it and I can't even hug my own friends without getting weirded out and I'm sorry for ranting I'm just really in a bad place rn with this and I can't stop thinking about it eve though it happened years ago

Today I had a total meltdown at work and I asked to leave. I went home and now I’m sitting here trying to figure out how to keep living. How do people work normally all the time? I get so stressed and overwhelmed and breakdown. I have bad anxiety and depression so I don’t think that helps me at all. I just can’t do this anymore

Everytime I feel as if Im the smallest, most useless presence on earth and I want to give up, somehow my brain injects just enough positive thoughts to keep me from stopping dead in my tracks and continue going, but not enough to fix my fucked up self image. Not enough to fix my skewed perceptions. Not enough to make it stop feeling like I'm in a car stopped dead in the middle of a busy highway. No. I feel every bit as shitty, every bit as damaged, every bit as certain of my failure as a living being. I'm just hit with the temporary high of loose nameless positivity that keeps me functioning.

Its as if Im being tortured. I know I'll plumit again, so why do I keep bringing myself back?

My relatives just left after what felt like a whole year. Before going, my aunt, uncle, and parents all tried to brainwash me into getting married. My parents cried and emotionally blackmailed me saying it’s either marriage or their death, and I have two days to decide. They forced me to give my number to relatives so they can send me marriage prospects on WhatsApp. They kept saying I live a boring life alone and if I marry, he will take care of me and my parents. He'll be my friend, driver, security, and once I have kids I’ll be happy and busy and talked all that regressive ass shit. But I decided at 15 that I will never have kids. The more I see how men are, the more I know I don’t want to marry.

I was just looking to start therapy and trying to heal, and now I feel scared again. I know I can never be happy as a wife or a daughter-in-law, and I do not want kids. I don’t know what to do. My parents’ marriage was toxic and abusive. My mom still suffers from injuries my dad gave her when I was 5. He used to pull knives on her, hit her with his helmet, break things in the kitchen over salt in the food, drag her by her hair. He once slammed a door on her chest. There’s been daily verbal and emotional abuse for years. She still stayed and now wants me to get married. I once got out of this toxic home and didn’t want to come back, but after a sexual assault incident I had to return. Now I’m scared to leave because of that incident and scared to stay because of the toxic home. This has hit my self esteem and i keep getting fired from jobs because of not being able to perform. I feel trapped.

I confronted them after the relatives left but my mom didn’t let me speak. She threatened to hit her head and had a phone in her hand. I shut up immediately because I used to do that to myself and it shocked me to see her act like that. I locked myself in my room after.

I feel like things would be different if I wasn’t this scared to go out and if I had a job and was financially independent. Maybe then they would see that I can take care of myself and them. Right now they probably think I can’t, and my relatives kept saying that if I marry, the guy will do all that. They are brainwashing me with regressive ideas. I’m not the “son” of the house so they want a son in law and I feel like it’s my fault for not being able to make them feel like i am a responsible daughter.

I feel guilty that I’m hurting my parents by not doing what they want. But if I give in, I know I’ll suffer. And if I leave, I’ll feel guilty for leaving my old, sick parents alone. I feel like there’s no solution.

**TL;DR**: My family is emotionally blackmailing me into marriage. I don’t want marriage or kids, but I feel trapped between guilt, fear, and pressure. I’m scared to leave because of past trauma and scared to stay because the environment is toxic. It feels like there’s no way out.

For the longest time, I’ve been stuck in this cycle of excuses. I’d wake up every morning telling myself I’d make changes, that today would be different, but by the time the day ended, I was back to square one. Whether it’s eating healthier, exercising, or even just cleaning my space, I keep putting it off. I’d tell myself, "I’ll start tomorrow," but tomorrow never seems to come.

Yesterday was my breaking point. I was scrolling through social media and saw an old friend post about running their first marathon. I remember how we used to run together, how much I loved it back then. And now? I can’t even jog up the stairs without feeling winded. It hit me like a ton of bricks—what am I even doing with my life? Why do I keep finding reasons to avoid what I know I need to do?

I looked around my apartment after that. Clothes piled up on the floor, dishes in the sink from who-knows-how-many days ago, and a gym membership card collecting dust on the counter. That’s when it finally clicked—it’s time to stop. It’s time to stop avoiding the hard stuff, time to stop pretending everything will fix itself, and time to stop being my own worst enemy.

I don’t have a perfect plan yet, and honestly, I’m scared I’ll slip back into my old habits. But I know I can’t keep going like this. If I don’t make a change now, when will I? Maybe writing this out will help me stay accountable. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re feeling stuck too, maybe it’s time to stop and take the first step. We’ve got this.

Hey everyone, I’m not usually one to air my personal stuff, but I really need some advice here. For the past few months, I’ve had this gut feeling that my wife might be cheating on me, and it's eating me alive. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but the signs are starting to pile up, and I’m just not sure what to do.

It all started when she began staying late at work more often. At first, I didn’t think much of it—she’s always been dedicated to her job. But then, she became super protective of her phone. She used to leave it lying around, but now she keeps it close and seems to be on it all the time, even at odd hours. And when I casually ask about her day, her answers feel...vague? Like she’s hiding something.

Then there are the little things. She started dressing up more than usual, even just to “run errands” or meet friends. It’s almost like she’s trying to impress someone. I’ve tried to brush it off, telling myself I’m being paranoid, but every time I bring it up, she gets defensive or says I’m just being insecure. It makes me feel like maybe I’m overthinking, but part of me feels like my concerns are valid.

To make things worse, I found a receipt for a fancy dinner that she said was a "work thing," but I know her company usually doesn’t do dinners like that. I keep second-guessing myself, and now I’m stuck in this loop of anxiety. I don’t want to accuse her without solid proof, but I also can’t keep living in this uncertainty.

So here I am, asking for advice. Has anyone else been through this? How do you confront someone you love without it turning into a huge fight? Should I even bring it up again, or am I just being paranoid? Any advice would be appreciated—I feel like I’m losing my mind here.

I've come to the harsh realization that perhaps, I'm not the nicest person around. In my mid-thirties, I find myself surrounded only by a single friend and a girlfriend, yet I can't shake the feeling that I'm somehow superior to others. My lifestyle is quite reclusive; I shy away from any social gatherings related to work, and most of my routine revolves around my job, hitting the gym, smoking weed, and cycling. Traveling and cycling in the forest are my escapes, the rare times I don't feel swamped by depression.

Interacting with people, especially in groups, is a daunting task for me. The fear of turning red-faced and being judged negatively is always lurking. Thus, I avoid such situations altogether. There's a worrisome intensity in the way I live; I indulge too often in alcohol or getting high, viewing people merely as elements that enhance my own existence. My eyes wander too freely, admiring every attractive woman I come across, often blatantly flirting in the presence of my girlfriend. Even though these thoughts are never vocalized, I often catch myself belittling others or feeling utter disdain towards them internally.

I confess to being a staunch atheist, holding a disdainful view towards those who are spiritually inclined, believing myself to be smarter, better-looking, and stronger. The resentment builds whenever I see someone possessing what I desire, although I manage to keep this anger bottled up within.

Dominating these emotions is a profound sense of isolation, mixed oddly with a perverse comfort in wallowing in my misery. Sometimes, hurting my own feelings seems like a twisted form of pleasure, perhaps because it means feeling something at all.

My family background does little to lighten my outlook. My brother lives with the dark shadow of being a murderer and a former heroin addict. My father was a violent man, devoid of emotions, who ultimately took his own life. My mother, afflicted by illness so severe that she has been bedridden since my childhood, sparks a guilt within me for not taking care of her. However, I've chosen a path of self-preservation as dedicating myself to her care would consume my own existence entirely.

This life I've crafted for myself is one I despise, yet a part of me feels I shouldn't. With a good education, a well-paying job, and an undeniable appeal to women, I should feel fulfilled. Instead, I’m left feeling empty and, frankly, disgusted with myself for sounding like a self-pitying fool. What the hell is wrong with me?

Despite my efforts not to belittle others overtly, the impression that people don’t like me is hard to shake off. Loneliness is a constant companion.

If I were to join a reality show, my character might be polarizing. Would the audience appreciate my brutally honest introspections, or would they be repelled by my self-confessed arrogance and emotional detachment? It's intriguing yet terrifying to ponder how my persona would unfold under the constant scrutiny of cameras and a public audience.

I chose the friendship stories category but yeah it's related to friendship, love, family, work... I am like that.

I grew up in a very religious family where our faith has always guided our lives and choices. The teachings I’ve known my whole life tell me that being gay is wrong, and yet, I feel these undeniable attractions that make me question everything. I’ve tried to push it down, to change, to pray it away, but it’s always there, a part of me I can’t ignore.

I don’t know how to reconcile my beliefs with who I am. It feels like every day, I’m torn between two worlds: the expectations of my family and faith, and the reality of my own heart. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Is this something I can change, or should I even try? I’ve heard so many opinions, but deep down, I just want to know if I can truly be at peace with both my faith and myself.

If anyone has gone through something similar, or if you have advice, I’d really appreciate hearing from you. I feel so lost and alone in this struggle, and I just need someone to help me see a way through this.

Im 15 and ever since I got into middle school, I thought by the end of it Ill have a bestfriend but no. I feel like every friend I make - by next year/grade we split up and no longer in contact. Right now I have friends, but I know so well once we arent in the same class, they'd forget my existence or if their other friends were in the same class they wouldnt be with me. I always feel like Im the one chasing everyone - chasing my friend or friends, just to not seem like Im excluding myself. Yet I still feel left out cause no one cares whether Im around or not. I reached a point where I feel like people my age no longer want meaningful, forever lasting friendships. I dont know if Its only in my class or school but I was supposed to change schools and I saw it as an opportunity that'll be able to meet new people and possibly find great friends or at least one, however things didnt work out and Im now stuck till the end of the semester. I just dont understand why am I always the last pick ? Im trying to be patient and hopeful but Im scared overtime Its gonna hurt me so much especially of how long the semester is going to be.

There was a moment, not too long ago. Its still stuck to me - during class, I was chatting with my friend and classmate. We were then told to pick partners and play with each other. My classmate and friend stood and walked away while I just sat there .. they didnt even look back at me or asked me to join them. I know it sounds like Im excluding myself but I swear Im trying to include myself by every chance I get but It just gets tiring. I might as well accept it. I didnt want to just sit there so I partnered up with my other friend (her friends didnt want to play). Anyways, after class I wanted to jokingly tell my (first) friend about it but I just thought it was unnecessary, maybe I was overthinking it and it wasnt that serious.

I dont know who to talk to anymore. My mom never tries to understated me, she just shames me and calls me names. When I do talk to her, she just sees me as a pity and calls me emotional - sensitive everytime I cry. I feel like I can no longer cry anymore, like rarely. I just cant, especially infront of my mom.

I hate feeling this negative but those are just some of my thoughts. I just want someone loving, caring and understanding in my life. I dont want to rely on myself my entire life. It gets lonely.