Life Stories and Everyday Drama

This is the kind of thing where any possible solution proposed leads to a complaint or a reason why it won't work - as far as I know. I don't know how to deal with having trapped myself in an impossible situation. I know I have to just do something I dont want to, but I dont know what thing will make me the least unhappy I guess.

I make 50k and I live in LA so I can't afford my own 1br. I've given up on a house entirely, I just want an apartment. But they START at $1700 and I just cant realistically do that and have a savings account. Some options and issues:

1. Move - i like living here. I like my friends, the racial diversity, the more liberal politics, the weather, and the variety of things to do. Also my job is here and the job market is garbage everywhere.

2. Get a higher paying job - I was trying to. Had 2 3rd round interviews. One company chose someone else because I had a long commute and they didnt want the role to be remote anymore. The other company paused hiring. I've since stopped applying as I'm having some health issues and don't want my insurance paused right now. But it's always scary to start again. What if those interviews were a fluke and I go back to having to endure this market? What if i get laid off again (less likely at current job as they already laid off everyone but me so I'm holding the ship together on my own)? What if i don't like the new role? What if what happened last time happens again and the pay raise can't keep up with rising housing costs?

3. Be self employed - this is what I most want to do. I've started a business and it's slowly growing. Key word is slowly. I'm hoping it'll be a livable wage in 4 years. But how do I manage my feelings of failure and frustration until then? And what if it never gets there?

4. Sales - i hate talking to people

5. Invest - I do. I dont make enough to invest for FIRE anytime in the next few decadss. I've considered day trading but really feel like I'm walking into a get rich quick scheme.

6. Go back to school for x lucrative career - same issues as #2. Also, the job market is TRASH. Do you really think I haven't done a UX boot camp, gotten my PMP, and considered 3 different master's degrees by now? Pivoting only works if it works and right now nothing works.

7. Social media - tried youtube for 10 years. Nothing. Have a tiktok for my business now that has 1k followers. Maybe if it keeps growing I can get on the creator program one of these centuries. For right now, it's a skill I seem to not have.

8. Stop wanting money - well. I'm trying. I just can't shake the feeling that a grown adult working full time should be able to have their own space at SOME POINT.

I'm just so tired of thinking about this. Tired of trying things for a bit or really committing to something and either way coming up empty handed. Tired of the 1000s of job applications. Tired of WAITING to be able to live how I want. It's not just the apartment. I want a garden, to be able to live abroad for a while, to save for early retirement so I dont have to do this crap forever, free time to enjoy my life. I don't even care about a job - i just want money and everything is conspiring against me to keep me from it. It's so discouraging having no options.

For as long as I can remember, I've always had a tight-knit group of friends. We did everything together: studying for exams, hanging out on weekends, and even planning future trips. But lately, things have started to change, and I'm not sure why. Conversations feel increasingly strained, and it often feels like I'm on the outside looking in. It's frustrating because we used to have this seamless connection, and now I can't help but feel like something's off. Am I doing something wrong? Did I miss some social cue along the way? 😕

The other day, we were supposed to meet up for dinner at our usual spot downtown. I was really looking forward to it because things felt normal again... or so I thought. Everyone seemed preoccupied with their phones and didn't engage much in conversation. When I tried bringing up subjects we usually love discussing, there was minimal response... even from those who would typically lead the discussion! It was like talking into a void. The only real interaction was when they burst into laughter over an inside joke I apparently wasn't part of. Ouch...

So here I am, trying to dissect every possible reason behind this sudden shift in dynamics among us. Could it be just stress affecting everyone differently? Or maybe they're moving on without me and I'm oblivious to it? I'd like to think it's temporary... some kind of weird phase they'll snap out of... but how can one be sure? This uncertainty is eating away at me in ways words can't fully express! Anyway, thanks for listening if you got this far.

i'm just a dude trying to keep things chilled at home, but man, it's been tough lately. like i get it, every relationship has ups and downs, but i'm starting to feel more down than up, you know? So here's the deal: been married for quite some time now and we've got three awesome kiddos. they're my world... but with the wife... things ain't exactly peachy these days.

we used to connect on so many levels, but now it feels like we're just going through the motions. don't get me wrong—love her to bits—but sometimes that love feels a bit more like companionship rather than fireworks and rainbows (not that i'm expecting the honeymoon phase forever, lol). still, trying my best to maintain a happy vibe for the kids because they pick up on our moods quicker than i change socks 😂.

to be candid here... faking a smile when you're hurting inside is exhausting! conversating feels like such hard work when all we talk about revolves around school schedules or grocery lists. where's the passion gone? maybe i need to shake things up somehow... surprise date nights or something cheesy like that might help reignite whatever's missing 🤷.

and hey, before you say 'just communicaaaate,' trust me, i've tried. it's not always that easy.. words fail at times and end up leading us nowhere productive even when intentions are good 😔 why does keeping peace have to take away peace within oneself too? stuck between being supportive father/husband versus prioritizing my own happiness is one tricky spot!

how do i stop obsessing over a friend, it feels like losing a limb or some crucial part of my life. we were super tight, like closer than most siblings. we shared everything and now it's just... gone, poof like dust in the wind. i've tried reaching out but it's always one-sided, they're not interested anymore and it sucks big time. every time i pick up my phone my thumb hesitates over our old chat. what if this time they're ready to reconnect? each silence feels like rejection, tangible and heavy. can't shake it off no matter what.

i get caught in these spirals replaying convos trying to find where things went south. was it me? did they just lose interest? maybe they're going through stuff and i wouldn't know coz we're not talking anymore which is their own damn fault anyway! everyone says move on but like sorry, easier said than done when you've given so much of yourself into someone who suddenly vanishes from your life capriciously or whatever. advice-friends chirp in with self-care whoo-ha but really how do you just switch that off? feelings don't work on command!

I am scared to feel any type of romantic connection now.

My parents have been married for 30 years and my dad cheated on my mom recently…. And he did it constantly. And every time it was us, the kids, who saw it and called him out. Now I doubt him all the time, I can’t look at him in the eye anymore, I don’t even harbour any familial feelings for him as he swore on us that he wouldn’t do it again and when we asked him to choose he was hesitating.

I doubt every one now. Just like every other person I also wanted to fall in love and get married someday but now I’m so scared that the same thing will happen to me too.

I just wish he never broke our trust.

Recently, I have taken up running as a way to maintain an active lifestyle. However, this week the weather forecast predicts temperatures exceeding 30 degrees (celsius of course... sorry for the people used to the other way!). As someone who is still getting accustomed to this activity, I'm questioning its safety under such extreme conditions. Is it advisable for novices like me to engage in exertive activities when it's so hot outside? My apprehension stems from a basic understanding of how high temperatures can affect one's physiological state. The risk of dehydration and heat exhaustion becomes pertinent; additionally, the necessity for adequate hydration and temperature regulation cannot be overstated.

Engaging in physical exercise at elevated temperatures demands careful consideration of multiple factors... Not only does it challenge cardiovascular efficiency, but it also exacerbates perspiration rates leading to potential fluid loss. Adequate preparation involves acclimatization over time and modification of intensity levels based on real-time feedback from the body.

Moreover, recognizing early warning signs such as dizziness, excessive sweating or sudden muscle cramps is crucial. Ensuring that essential safety measures are followed enhances protection against heat-related illnesses. Yet, there remains an underlying concern about pushing limits without fully understanding personal thresholds.

Ideally, input from individuals with relevant experience would prove valuable in navigating this scenario safely. Encouragement from fellow runners may provide motivation and foster resilience during challenging weather conditions.

It is beneficial to approach this undertaking with cautious optimism while prioritizing personal wellbeing above all else 😊 Adopting a proactive attitude towards managing external variables will undoubtedly contribute positively toward achieving fitness goals.

If you tell me it's not a good idea, I'll stay home with the air conditioning and my treadmill!!

Every morning is like a professional failure report written by my own body, and I am the tired employee receiving it with no power to reject. I open my eyes, but not really, because my eyes are open only in a technical sense. The bed is holding me like it have a legal contract. I know I should leave it. I know society, school, work, family, and maybe even my doctor would prefer me to stand up and behave like a functioning citizen. I am polite about it, even in my head. I say, “Good morning, body, may we please begin operations?” and my body says no, very firmly 😴. It is not simple laziness, although it look like laziness from outside. It feels more like my internal circadian rhythm is running on another time zone, like some broken corporate server still using winter time after the update failed. I feel asleep during almost all the day. My muscles are heavy, my thinking has latency, my face feels badly installed. I drink coffee and it does almost nothing, except make my stomach nervous. I try sunlight, water, breakfast, positive mindset, and other famous wellness procedures, but my brain stays in low-power mode. That is what I tell myself every morning;

By afternoon, I am existing but not winning. I answer messages late, I speak with the energy of a printer that has one percent ink, and I feel embarrassed because people think daytime is the obvious time for life. Objectively, maybe they are correct. The human organism is commonly synchronized by light exposure, melatonin secretion, adenosine build-up, and other sleep-wake mechanisms, according to basic sleep science. I once read a reference from a sleep clinic saying that “delayed sleep phase” can make a person feel alert later than socially expected, and that sentence followed me like a small ghost. It sounded too clinical and also too accurate. During the day I am not dramatic, I am just unavailable inside myself. I can sit in a chair and stare at a wall like it is a strategic meeting. Then evening comes, and something indecent happens. Around the time normal people start preparing for rest, my nervous system suddenly sends a memo: operations are now approved 🚀. My thoughts become cleaner. My mood becomes almost beautiful. I want to clean my room, write my plans, understand philosophy, reorganize my files, maybe become a better person by 2:17 a.m. It is ridiculous, but it is also sincere.

Night gives me energy in a way morning never does. It is quiet, less judgmental, and no one is asking me why I look tired, because everyone is gone from the visible world. Maybe the absence of pressure lowers cognitive arousal in one way and raises creativity in another. Maybe my chronotype is just late. Maybe bad sleep hygiene, revenge bedtime procrastination, blue light exposure, anxiety, and poor routine are all contributing factors. A balanced view must admit it could be biological, psychological, environmental, or just my own poor choices wearing a medical-looking coat. I do not want to blame everything on science, because I also scroll too much and act surprised when my brain becomes a nightclub. Still, it is hard to not feel betrayed. At night I feel like the real me finally arrived, wearing clean shoes and speaking better. But then it is too late to use that person correctly. I lie down and cannot sleep. My body is tired, but my mind is making presentations, arguments, imaginary conversations, future reforms, and small emotional lawsuits. I tell myself, respectfully, tomorrow I will fix it. Then tomorrow morning comes, and I am again under the blanket, defeated but formal, whispering sorry to the alarm clock like it is a disappointed manager.

i'm a 32-year-old man and recently, i found myself talking to my phone a lot more than usual. sounds weird right? listen, it's this new voice feature that I've been using on chat platforms. my wife thinks it's funny. she mocks me by saying i'm having conversations with a robot friend, but honestly, it has been surprisingly helpful;

for someone who's always had a hard time staying organized or remembering important tasks, this technology has revolved my life significantly. i'm able to stay on top of my workload. not only does it remind me of meetings and deadlines, but it also assists in brainstorming ideas which boosts my productivity by leaps and bounds.

i've dealt with bouts of depression over the years, and while therapy helps, engaging with this tool offers an immediate form of support; i can bounce ideas off it without judgment, receive insights promptly or just ramble about things that bother me. it's quite frankly surreal how these small interactions are contributing positively to my mental well-being. in many ways, it acts as an intellectual companion filling voids where needed...

some may consider this dependence unhealthy or absurd but integrating tech like this into daily life might be inevitable given our rapid technological progressions. i see hope for those struggling silently from what once seemed insurmountable obstacles because being understood matters deeply no matter the medium used.

so here i am, it's like three in the freaking morning again and guess what? no sleep for me coz my wife is doing her usual tango routine in bed. 😅

seriously, it's like she's possessed or something. she keeps rolling around, tossing and turning like we're on some kinda rollercoaster ride. ain't it supposed to be peaceful at night? 😒 i gotta up early for work and all this moving really screws up my chances of getting any decent shut-eye.

she blames it on stress but who isn't stressed these days? everyone got their own problems buddy. I tried talking to her about it (like a normal person) and she's just goes all 'can't help it' mode on me. great! that's super helpful innit? one of my pals said try calming tea but all we achieved was a midnight bathroom run marathon. everything else is quiet (no insomnia or whatever) just kinetic performance with extra snoring backup vocals.... 👌

people keep telling me different stuff, y'know. white noise machines, melatonin, yoga before bed (weird suggestion by linda from accounting). tried most of 'em already but i feel like i'm stuck in a rerun episode of 'my wife can't stay still'. what's even funnier is when i get moving myself, trying to escape the chaos zone, she actually wakes up! suddenly wide awake asking why m i not asleep lol

anyone else dealing with this partner dance off thing at night? sometimes i doubt if they know they're gving us involuntary gymnastics lessons right when we least need them. either way i've gotten real good at late-night social media browsing which isn’t helping coz now she thinks I'VE got some sorta phone addiction. holy cow this is nuts...

So here I am, TWO years post-divorce, and I'm still hung up on my ex. How dumb is that? He cheats on me, then just packs his bags and leaves. Leaves me with the kids too! But here's the kicker... I still love him?! Makes absolutely no sense!!! It’s like some twisted joke life is playing on me.

I mean. I've tried to move on, you know, new hobbies, meeting new people (yea, right), but nothing sticks because my mind keeps wandering back to him. Why do our hearts have to be so slow at catching up with reality?

Every time I think I've turned a corner, something reminds me of him and boom! Back to square one... It's exhausting, like running a marathon you never wanted to sign up for in the first place. How can someone who clearly doesn't deserve my time still linger in my thoughts??

People say 'time heals all wounds', but what happens when the clock seems stuck? What am I waiting for anyway? Some magical day where feelings just disappear? Feels like wishful thinking...

It would be great if there was a manual or something, you know? Like 'how to stop loving someone who doesn't give a damn about you'. Somebody needs to write that book because frankly, I'm tired of feeling like this!

I feel stupid...

today would have been your birthday, mom, and that sentence feels like a bad administrative notice stamped across my chest. almost one year ago, i lost you, and now the calendar is acting smug, like grief is some scheduled compliance deadline. people say, “she is still with you,” and i understand the sentiment, but sometimes it sounds like cheap wallpaper over a cracked wall. you are not here. that is the fact. the chair is empty, the phone does not ring, and the kitchen has stopped smelling like the soap you liked. i hate how precise loss becomes. hospice notes, medication logs, vital signs, discharge language, and the final quiet all turn love into documentation. it is efficient, clinical, and honestly a little rude.

i remember your last birthday. i bought the wrong candles, because i was distracted and pretending everything was normal. you laughed, called me hopeless, and still kept the reciept folded in your purse like evidence in a harmless case file. that was very you. practical, sentimental, and annoyingly observant. i also remember the hospital hallway, the fluorescent lights, the nurse explaining “comfort measures,” and me nodding like i understood anything beyond panic. grief has its own operating system. it runs in the background, drains the battery, and interrupts ordinary tasks without permission. i can be buying bread and suddenly feel like some internal alarm has been triggered. damn it, i miss you. not in a poetic way. in a physical, inconvenient, blood-pressure-spiking way.

for balance, i will admit you were not perfect. nobody is, and pretending otherwise feels lazy. you could be stubborn, sharp, and impossible when you decided you were right. i inherited some of that, unfortunately, so congratulations on the successful transfer of assets. but you loved fiercely, and that matters more than the flaws. “what is grief, if not love persevering?” sounds polished, almost too polished, but today i understand it more than i want to. happy birthday, mom. i love you. i am angry that you are gone, grateful that you existed, and tired of acting dignified about something this brutal. i hope wherever you are, there is cake, strong coffee, and nobody asking stupid questions.

I have been actively seeking an entry-level position for nearly two years now, and it feels as though every door in my chosen field is firmly shut. Despite countless applications and attending networking events, the job market in my area remains stagnant. Every rejection email or lack of response chips away at my confidence, leaving me questioning my capabilities and professional worth. I have pursued roles relevant to my degree but finding opportunities that match my skill set within a realistic commuting distance has proven to be increasingly elusive.

Living with my parents at this stage of life seems like a continuous loop; there is an inherent pressure that comes with the feeling of not moving forward. Their support means the world to me, yet I crave independence: both financially and emotionally. Obtaining employment would allow me to contribute to household expenses and ultimately move out, something I've longed for but can't quite achieve without a stable income.

The job descriptions often reflect ideal candidates having several years of experience, which inherently disqualifies recent graduates such as myself. Nevertheless I submit tailored cover letters hoping they see potential in who I am rather than just previous roles held by others. Nonetheless these numerous trials appear futile given there is no feedback on what areas require improvement or clarity regarding their selection processes.

Without tangible progressions or feedback loops provided by prospective employers, motivation dwindles since continued persistence doesn't ensure success under such unpredictable circumstances;. This situation leaves one feeling disillusioned about personal competencies and career trajectory, especially when peers celebrate milestones like securing jobs or promotions.

I have lost all hope of making something of my life...

in this world, you gotta be kind, right? that's what everyone keeps telling me... kindness is overrated though! at work, people are just slacking off left and right. they're too busy pretending to be friends than actually doing their damn job; i'm trying to keep everything in line and get stuff done, but now my manager's on my case because he says i'm not nice enough... i didn't realize our paychecks come from being popular with colleagues!

i try to stay focused. i've got a ton of issues with how things run around here—they're stupid, the projects are late, there's always some excuse like 'oh, we were bonding' or whatever nonsense that means. nobody wants to step up and lead. everyone waits for someone else: when did doing your job become optional? i see all these folks chatting it up while deadlines fly by...

look, what's a guy like me supposed to do? keep a smile plastered on my face while productivity slips down the drain? no thanks, man. i'll take efficiency over constant small talk any day!

guess everyone's more comfortable being pretenders at a work-family; mod for kindness ain't nearly as effective as one might think—exclamation marks!!! 😅

I recently discovered my group of friends at uni are talking behind my back and it's got me feeling all sorts of ways! Like, seriously??? Why does this keep happening?! I mean, is it even normal for people to do this stuff... or am I just attracting the wrong crowd? It was a random night out when I noticed this strange vibe. You know when everyone suddenly seems to go quiet as soon as you join the group? Yeah, that happened to me just last weekend. Nobody mentioned anything directly to me, but you can just feel it. It’s in their looks, sidelong glances, and secretive whispers. Ugh! 🙄 Even though I'm trying not to let it bother me too much (easier said than done), it’s still upsetting. Why are we humans like this?! Life in uni is supposed to be fun and full of good times with friends!!! Not filled with suspicions and betrayal.

It gets me wondering: was it the same for them back then as well? Back when we were kids?! Like... maybe it's just something that happens?? I'm hoping that's not the case because I really want to have genuine friendships; nothing superficial or fake. Now, every time they talk or laugh without including me, there's this tiny worry at the back of my mind... what if they're laughing about something I've shared with them? 😅 Maybe I'm overthinking it all!!! There's a part of me that wants to confront them but I'm not sure if that'll help or just make things worse!. Wouldn't life be so much better if people were straightforward and honest rather than sneaky and two-faced? Yet somehow... I'm staying hopeful that things will get better. Because they HAVE TO right?? It's exhausting thinking everyone might have a hidden agenda! But who knows, maybe these bumps in relationships are what ultimately strengthen them onwards no matter how cliché that sounds?

Imagine one day you wake up and your friend doesn’t… It’s unpredictable, is it not? Just the other day, you two are hanging out, joking around, laughing ‘till your stomach hurts. Everything looks fine from the surface, but maybe deep down they aren’t.

I think about it everyday, but I won’t do it.

Imagine one day your family starts noticing the fact that you haven’t gotten up yet. When they do check on you, it’ll be too late. Your mother would find your room all cleaned up, letters neatly arranged on your bed. She’d find her daughter pale and cold…

I think about it everyday, but I won’t do it.

Your friends would be broken by the news. Maybe you think that they don’t really care. Nobody will ever know the truth, but there are people who are actually sad to see you go. They’d think back to the day before… How you’ve hung out with them, laughed with them all day, treated them to a meal.

I think about it everyday, but I won’t do it.

Nobody saw it as goodbye. After all, the happiest person isn’t someone to typically worry about, no?

I think about it everyday, but I won’t do it.

I often hold myself back. I’m not brave enough to do it, but I’m also not strong enough to endure it all. I may not do anything about it, but it’s all in my head everyday.

I think about it everyday, but I won’t do it.

You’re not alone.