Life Stories and Everyday Drama

i really thought i was doing better but i fell back into the same pit and i think ive hit rock bottom, like i really don’t have any hope for myself. im really tired of getting ignored, i’m tired of being stupid as hell, getting made fun of, coming home to a dysfunctional family, going to school having no friends, this shit is wack. i’m happy it’s my last year of school i guess? but i don’t see it getting any better. it makes me feel so empty but i have to continue on because for some idiotic reason i still don’t want to give up on myself. i don’t know what’s holding me from giving up but this weird motivation that makes me think it’ll get better keeps me alive but i know damn well it won’t deep down. and because nothing ever changes, or it gets even worse, i’m in the same cycle each day and it becomes so bland. i wanna be smart, have friends, something to pride myself in, be able to flourish in the things i enjoy, but i can’t and i don’t think ill ever be able to. i have enough luck in my life to not be in a war stricken country, shelter, food, clothes on my body, an immune system that isn’t compromised, but that is it. there is not enough luck in my life to have a loving family, friends, something to look forward to each day, intelligence, support, simply nothing else. it’s hard to appreciate waking up in the morning knowing i have to deal with this for however long because something is keeping me from giving up and i don’t see why. watch tomorrow im just gonna try again tomorrow to feel better and i’m gonna be typing something similar in a week lmao. what the fuck dude. i’m hoping someone who has gone through the same thing knows how to get over this phase? it’s getting old but i guess im here for a reason lol

I know it's bad to compare myself but sometimes I can't help it, it's not online people much as I stray away; instead, it's my own sister, her hair is amazing, getting compliments, called a diva by a gay guy, that one hurt, knowing I'm apart of that community, it was so embarrassing that it's hard for me to call myself a trans gay man knowing I'm just a loser, she many online friends as we're both homeschool, friends with anyone, and talks to the family, longer eyelashes. She's on her phone, probably texting her friends all the time. I have two normal sisters and then there's me, it's like everybody can see that I'm the weird one for my hobbies and how I look. I don't like being cynical so I've been working on that but now I just feel bad, comparing myself.

It's hard, investing in my looks by buying skincare, wigs, clothes, and even trying makeup even tho I'm shit at it, I'll never be as cute as those girls or boys online in my own eyes. I see people I relate to online, mainly girls but they're also pretty, I just wish I was at least pretty even tho I'm depressed and mentally ill.

My suicidal thoughts come randomly, "omg I'm 18 rn but I'll be 30 in 12 years and my life has amount to nothing! I should die rn." "Omg my sister is better than me and everyone can tell, she doesn't talk to me as much anymore, maybe I'm better off dead." "Omg my life is terrible and will stay that way, need to die before it gets worse."

My cousins, even the adults ones and their partners and my sis all have a group chat without me, it's like even my family thinks I'm weird or something. I just don't talk much so they probably assume I hate them or something.

That being said... should I try and make friends again? Even e-date around?

I feel like there are a mixture of ai responses and human responses on here, don't tell me to join a support group, I've been looking and trying. There's not many free ones and I have to keep waiting for the right day of the week to even join. Cant even get a therapist becuz I don't even have a doctor becuz my mom wants me to wait and do it with her. It's annoying. I feel like I'm in "learned helplessness", am I?

Anything is appreciated.

All of this started when I (M23) got off from work midday. I was originally resting and called a friend to see if he's doing okay at the training camps in South Carolina. After that, I was called over by my mother (F45) downstairs to help her get of old stuff in her office. To make things clear, we just moved into a townhouse after living from an Airbnb vacation home (last month) after selling our house (December, last year). The reason why was because of a divorce between her and my so-called father, but that's something I want to keep private.

Back to the story, I was helping her take care of stuff she want to give to the thrift store. While I was finishing up putting paper into the big trashbag, Mom requested me to lay down the cardboards (which was the moving boxes), since we're going donate her old stuff out and come back. When I did just that, she started getting upset - demanding that I should take it and the others to the garage. Mind you, she didn't say anything about taking it out at first, making things both confusing and annoying. This wasn't the first time she gave out vague instructions and then yell when I misunderstood her or asking for reassurance. We arrived at the thrift store, and gave away the old stuff to the clerk. Inside the SUV, Mom was complaining about me "not listening" and that I need to be more responsible. Well said the damn fool who made a illegal U-Turn (on a non-turning lane) to get back to the road! When I called her out on it, she brushed it off as a mild inconvenience. That's one strike.

Mom remembered that she need groceries for the house. Before doing that, she need to move the SUV to the disabled parking - so we can use the car to go the supermarket. Reminder, we just moved in a townhouse and for more context, our garage is a little packed to have two vehicles inside which we got to have a routine that one has to be in the garage while the other goes to the parking lot. Once we got to the parking lot, she told me to get the car out of the disabled to a different direction to a long road (right - leading to a kids' playground). Back then, I didn't think it was possible because I parked far from another car close to ours. So I backed the car to the left. There was another car in the way, but I was careful not to hit it and driver. By the time Mom parked the SUV and got in the car, she was irritated by decision - not even letting me explain why. That's two strikes.

Here comes the third one which made reconsider our relationship as mother and son. While I was driving to the supermarket, Mom wanted me to go to a far right lane to get there. I responded that we're on the left turning lane which is another way to reach there as well. (Another thing to add, I don't like talking while on the wheel because it breaks my focus on where to go.) She continued to rant that I should listen to her and turn. When doing just that, a car was already in the way of the lane I need to turn to. To make things worse, I accidently ran over some infrastructure along the way - leading her to believe I was being reckless, accusing me of doing the same thing on my way to work. I was offended, as I was always careful when going to work. I literally had no issue driving alone, it's the fact that SOMEONE thought it was okay to continue bashing on other peoples' mistakes - making me stressed already with the previous incidents.

Once I parked, I had enough and screamed that her hissy fits, vague favors and accusatory behavior has got to stop. The more she does this, it lowers my self-esteem and can't get things right without her on my case. For the most stupidest shit that no middle-aged adult should ever get upset. Before leaving and finished shopping, she ends things off with that she doesn't care, stating she's the main provider and that I have no right to talk to her; due to her being my mother. Well I'm your damn son wanting my boundaries to be respected which you ignore - unless when it's about Dad or something else bothers me. SHIT!

To end things off, she isn't bad overall. I know she has her pros while at her best. It's her worst which not taking care of hypocrisy and being dramatic when trying to understand her ridiculousness. Forgive me for the long rant. I was a little hesitant to share this, but I have to, since I can't keep hiding this forever. Tell me what you guys think.

[Translated from Portuguese. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

hi, i’m 16 years old, and i have depression and of course i didn’t go to a psychologist bc i know what i have, and if i go it would just be to confirm it, and yeah i do plan to go

today my day was wonderful until a simple video ruined it, my best friend sent me a video asking what i hated most about her so i said it’s when she says her body and hair are ugly, i was trying to cheer her up but it didn’t work, she said she’s more mature than me, that i’m immature because i say and do things without thinking, and she said she doesn’t trust me anymore, even though i said i was gonna change, but i don’t know how to change, i never had help for that, so i don’t know what i did wrong, man, i try to be that person who jokes around and laughs at everything but inside i’m falling apart, i told her i probably have smiling and silent depression, she has depression too and i thought she was gonna help me but she said i have to go to a psychologist for that, which isn’t wrong, but she said it in such a cold way that i never told her what i felt ever again, i don’t know what i have... i can’t change, and i’m hugely emotionally dependent on her, even when she does or says something that hurts me i just ignore it, but if i say something even if i didn’t mean to hurt her, she just doesn’t like it and when she’s mad about something she stops talking to me, in a way i understand her but i just wanted help even though i don’t know what to do...

i hate myself because my family doesnt believe i have adhd and mental health problems even through i do have adhd and mental health problems because i am really getting overwelmed really quickly when i have so much do in the household

Sunday, 15th March 2026

I got into a little argument with lil bro(10), I hit him on his head. Then he jumped on me with all his weight and tried to choke me and punched my face. I scratched his face because that's all I could. Then elder brother(26) pulled me away, I threw a bottle at him but it hit mother instead. Then she hit me with that bottle twice. No one stopped him. No one shouted at him. No one took my side. Everyone says it's my fault. Everyone was against me. Mother was saying it's your fault that he hit you. Everyone said they should make me wash dishes so I can't keep my nails long. Middle brother(22) said call her here and make her wash dishes now. Elder brother said make her wash dishes.

And when my older brothers hit me because I tried to say what is fair and treat them with equal disrespect? Everytime it's my fault because I'm a girl, I just want to run away from here as soon as I can. I can't take it anymore. My mother is saying it's all my fault and it happened because I went out with friends the day before. She said she won't let me go out ever again. she called my friends whores.

Hi guys,

I work in IT as a tech lead. I manage a small team of four developers, and on paper it’s a good setup. Clear backlog. Stable product. Decent pay. No toxic drama. We run sprints, do code reviews, plan releases, fix bugs, and keep the usual pile of legacy stuff from falling over. A year ago I still got some kind of lift from solving problems. Not passion exactly, but momentum. Then I started using AI heavily at work. At first it felt like a power-up. Faster boilerplate. Cleaner regex. Better unit test coverage. Faster root-cause analysis. Fewer context switches. The PRs moved quicker. Standups got shorter. I looked more efficient. Management liked the output. My team liked that I could unblock them fast. But somewhere in that shift, my own drive just fell off a cliff. Now I open the laptop, look at Jira, and feel almost nothing. I can still do the job. That’s the strange part. I function. I answer Slack. I review architecture proposals. I write comments like “good direction, but watch for race conditions” or “let’s avoid tight coupling here.” I sound normal. But internally it feels flat, like the work got compressed into prompts, summaries, and generated options. “Garbage in, garbage out” still applies, sure, and I know skill still matters, but the part of me that used to enjoy the craft is quiet now. Has anyone else had that happen, where the friction goes down and somehow your motivation goes with it?

What bothers me most is that nothing is actually on fire. If my job were awful, this would be easier to explain. Instead, the metrics look fine. Velocity is fine. Incident count is fine. Stakeholders are fine. The team is fine. I’m the weird variable. I used to like breaking down a messy system and tracing the failure point through logs, service boundaries, and bad assumptions. I liked finding the one bad config that caused a cascade. I liked mentoring junior devs and seeing the light turn on when a hard concept clicked. Now AI handles the first-pass thinking so fast that my brain barely warms up. Need a draft API contract? Done. Need refactoring ideas? Done. Need test cases, SQL, migration notes, release comms, maybe even a postmortem outline? Done. I still verify everything, obviously. I know generated code can be subtly wrong, insecure, or just dumb in a confident way. I’m not outsourcing judgment. But I am outsourcing enough of the climb that I no longer feel the top of the hill. That’s the best way I can say it. The work feels pre-chewed. Efficient, yes. Satisfying, not really. Wierdly, even success feels thinner now. A clean deploy used to feel earned. Now it feels like I supervised a machine that helped me simulate effort. Maybe that sounds dramatic. Maybe it sounds lazy. Maybe it’s just adaptation lag. “The map is not the territory,” people say, and I think that fits here. The generated answer is not the same as understanding. The faster workflow is not the same as meaning; I also wonder if part of this is age, or burnout wearing a smarter mask, or just seeing too much of the pipeline too often.

The only reason I’m posting is because I don’t think this is permanent. It feels bleak sometimes, but not fatal. I’m trying to look at it like an engineering problem instead of a personality flaw. A system changed, so behavior changed. That means it can be tuned. I’ve started noticing small things that help. I keep some tasks AI-free on purpose, mostly design work and tricky debugging. I spend more time asking my team how they think, not just what they shipped. I try to treat AI like autocomplete with extra steps, not like a replacement for ownership. I’m also trying to reconnect with parts of tech that made me care in the first place: clean architecture, clear writing, mentoring, and building things that are boring in the good way, meaning reliable. One of my devs said, “maybe the fun part now is choosing what deserves human effort,” and that stuck with me 🙂. That feels more honest than pretending the old version of the job is coming back. Maybe motivation is not supposed to come from typing every line anymore. Maybe it has to come from judgment, restraint, taste, and helping other people grow. I don’t love my job right now. That part is true. But I do think I can build a version of it that I respect again, even if it looks different from what I pictured before. So I’m asking plainly: if your tools got better and your motivation got worse, how did you reset without blowing up your whole life? I’m not in crisis. I’m just trying to be honest about a shift I didn’t expect, and probly learn how to work with it instead of against it.

I am 17 and I really do not get why my mom is always yelling at me, like seriously what is even happening here. I try so hard to be a good daughter, not in some fake way either, I mean for real. I clean the kitchen without being asked most days, I wash dishes, I fold clothes even when they are not mine, I help with groceries, I keep my room pretty clean, I do my homework on time, I study a lot, and my grades are very good, like I am not out here failing classes or sneaking around or doing wild stuff. I am polite too, maybe too polite, because even when she is already mad I still say okay mom and sorry mom and I keep my voice low because I do not want more drama. But still she yells. She yells if I am doing something, and she yells if I am not doing something, and sometimes I swear she yells before I even understand what she wants. Yesterday I was literally wiping the table after dinner and she came in and said I never help in this house, and I just stood there with the rag in my hand feeling so dumb and small. Like what was I supposed to say, do you see me or not. One time I got a 95 on a test and I was actually happy, like wow maybe she will be proud for once, and all she said was why not 100, and then later she got mad because I was studying in my room and not downstairs where she could “see me doing something.” How am I meant to win that. I am asking for real, what do people even do when no answer is the right answer. Do you ever feel like someone already decided you are a problem and now everything you do looks wrong to them. Because that is how it feels in my house almost every day. I wake up tense already, listening to her footsteps, trying to guess what mood it is gonna be. If I say good morning and she sounds annoyed, my whole chest just drops. If I stay quiet, then I am “cold” or “have an attitude.” If I ask if she needs help, she says I should already know. If I start helping on my own, she says I am doing it the wrong way. I am not saying I am perfect because duh I am 17 and I forget stuff sometimes, I leave a glass in my room sometimes, I get tired, I get moody, normal stuff, but the way she reacts is like I ruined everything and I do not think that is fair. It makes me doubt myself a lot, like maybe I am secretly awful and just cannot see it, but then I look at what I actually do all day and I am like no, this is too much, this cannot all be my fault.

What really gets me is that I keep trying harder and it changes nothing, which is such a miserable feeling. A few weeks ago I made sure the living room was all neat, I finished a school project early, I even made tea for her because she looked stressed, and later that night she started yelling because I forgot to move one bag from the hallway. One bag. Like that was enough to erase everything else. I said sorry right away and moved it, but she kept going on and on about how I make life harder for her, and I just wanted to cry because I honestly do not know how much more careful a person can be before they stop being a person and just turn into some nervous robot. Sometimes I think maybe she is stressed and taking it out on me, and I try to be understanding because life is hard and money is tight and adults have problems they do not talk about, so I do try to be reasonable. I am not sitting here acting like moms are not human. But at the same time, why am I the one getting hit with all the shouting when I am the one helping. Why am I the easy target just because I am there and quiet and trying. Last month I had this long school day and I came home tired but still started dinner stuff because she was late, and when she got home she yelled that the onions were cut too thick. I am not joking. Too thick. I just said okay, I can cut them smaller next time, and then she got even more mad like my calm voice annoyed her too. That happens a lot actually. It is like if I defend myself, I am disrespectful, but if I stay calm, I am “acting smart.” So tell me, what is left. Am I supposed to disappear. I love my mom, which makes this worse because I do not want to hate being around her, but lately I hear her call my name and my stomach drops right away. I keep wondering if one day she will notice I am trying, or if she already knows and just does not care because yelling is easier. Maybe she thinks it makes me better somehow, but it does not, it just makes me tired and weirdly empty. I still do my chores, still get my grades, still try to be nice, because that is just who I am and I do not want to become rude or lazy from being treated unfair. But honestly I am starting to feel dumb for hoping every day will be different. Maybe tomorrow she will be normal, maybe tomorrow she will not snap because I closed a cabinet too loud or folded towels “wrong” or sat down for five minutes after school. Maybe. But then tomorrow comes and it is the same thing again, and I sit there thinking, why is my mom yelling at me, and I never get a real answer.

Hi. I know this is all my fault I'm completely aware. but I just wanna vent because it feels suffocating.

I was stupid enough to not brush my hair for 3 months. Just keeping it in a hood all winter because I was so tired I couldn't take care of myself

Now it's so matted I'm scared to see how bad it is.

I'm scared of how my dad will react if he knew, he told me if my hair was tangled again he wouldn't take me to the salon because I'm old now and he's right. Back when I got my hair tangled a lot and went to the salon to cut it, it was fine because I was just a child. But now I'm 17 years old. It'll just be embarrassing

I don't know what to do.

My dad took me out shopping a while ago he bought me a pretty dress and I'm happy and grateful but I didn't know how to express it so he had a argument with me

I didn't want to show him what the dress looked like on me, because it meant taking off my hood and showing him my tangled hair. He got angry and closed the door really loudly

I get his anger, I'm just venting. Not blaming anyone.

I'm the idiot here for never learning my lesson and letting my sadness take over my life

Sometimes the hardest place to be is in a relationship where you feel completely alone.

When your partner says you are “too dramatic” instead of trying to understand your feelings, it slowly teaches you to stop speaking. When trust was broken early in the relationship and the pain was never truly acknowledged, the wound never really heals.

Over time, something inside you begins to shut down. You keep doing your responsibilities, you keep showing up for the family, you listen when they need support—but when you need someone to listen to you, they are not there.

It’s a strange kind of loneliness: being physically together but emotionally invisible.

I am not perfect, but my feelings are real. Wanting to be understood, valued, and emotionally supported is not being dramatic—it is being human.

Sometimes the quietest pain is simply wishing the person you chose would see your heart the way you see theirs.

I feel like i’m missing out on the college experience and idk what to do.

for context: I (18F) am a relatively high-achieving student that was sent to a smaller, lower-ranking university in a more conservative part of the state. I got an extremely good scholarship offer (B/MD program if u were wondering). immediately, I was torn about coming here. My hometown is right next to a larger, better school and all my friends were in this area + I loved my home city and the community. I was heavily pressured by my parents (yelled at multiple times and threatened to not help pay for my college) to attend this smaller school. it was still ultimately “my decision” for the reasons that 1) I would get the experience of living on my own 2) again scholarship is not offered anywhere else.

I can’t help but feel like it was a mistake. Ik i’m here mostly to focus on school and my career but it’s so lonely. I was also goaded into getting a single room so I have no roommate. I did make friends (more like acquaintances) but none of them ever have time outside of class to talk or hang out because they’re either working or doing something else. it’s even worse because it seems like everyone is able to find medical jobs but I can’t? I’m literally the only one in my scholarship cohort that does not work a clinical job but i’ve tried numerous times and every time I was turned down by some bullshit specification post-interview that the application didn’t list in the requirements (eg “they only accept night shifts right now” when nowhere in the application did they say night shift only).

I feel like a failure. It’s basically been 25% of my college years and i’ve done nothing. I have a 4.0 but all I do is stay in my dorm and watch youtube or instagram reels. I can’t even find energy for my hobbies or what I enjoyed doing before.

I see stories or posts of my friends at other, more traditional “college experience” schools and I just feel more miserable. They have fun, hang out with people, actually have a community and stimulating classes. i’m just sad and friend-starved and understimulated. When expressing this to my parents all I get is “it’s just 4 years, it’ll be over fast.”

It makes me want to scream and rip my hair out. these are the most free, formative years of young adulthood and they treat my situation as if my depression is a worthy sacrifice for the future they want/expect of me. oh it’s just four years it’s no big deal. who cares if you’re miserable, this is so you can get into med school. like thanks dude, that really helps.

wtf do I do. I acknowledge that some of this is definitely my fault. I have a tendency to be distant to people and struggle to maintain consistent friendships. I’m trying to actively rectify this but it’s hard, it doesn’t help that i’m ADHD + anxiety. When I do work up the courage to ask people to hang outside of class they never have the time. Plus, I haven’t found people i’ve truly “clicked” with yet. A lot of my friends share the premed track but in terms of intellectual and cultural interests, we don’t share a lot in common. I like having friends who are politically active with opinions about media and culture that I can bounce ideas around with, but none of them seem keen on that and I don’t want to talk to a wall, yknow?

Any advice would help. I have scheduled an appointment with the school counselor but I am still waiting on that.

Hey folks, I hope all is well with y'all on this part of the internet... I'm a 27-year-old guy who's been cruising through life pretty smoothly until recently. Basically, I'm in a situation where I feel kinda trapped, and I don't really know what to do. I'm sure many of you have faced something weirdly similar or maybe totally different—for you, it may have been a job situation or a friend situation, but for me, it's all about relationships and timing. So, here's what happened.

For a while now, I was thinking about ending things with my girlfriend. I mean, nothing against her personally—she's a wonderful person—but we just aren't the right fit. Ya know how sometimes, you just know that something isn't working? It's like when your computer's lagging, but you keep hoping an update will fix the issue. That's how it felt with us. With all the little quirks and differences, we were more like a software mismatch, and I thought it was time to cut my losses and reboot—by moving on, of course. I started planning how to break it to her kindly, and even researched some solid advice online, capturing phrases like "honesty is the best policy" and "it's not you, it's me"—the whole drill. They even say communication is key, right? Even read some random relationship scrolls on the internet, quoting stuff like “Endings are not failures,” which really resonated with me.

But just as I was about to deliver my heartfelt, rehearsed monologue, my girlfriend dropped a bombshell of her own: she's pregnant. Of all the unexpected turns, this was the most dramatic plottwist yet! Talk about a real "Game of Thrones" moment, right? It was like getting to the climax of a superhero movie, thinking you've got the villain cornered, only for them to unleash their superpower you'd never seen coming. So now, instead of walking away from the relationship, I'm considering parenting and the reality of being someone's dad. I didn't sign up for fatherhood, to be honest. But can you imagine how someone processes this kind of information? Sitting on the couch with the television humming in the background, while your head feels like it's spinning faster than your washing machine in the spin cycle. It’s surreal.

So, here I am, hoping this story resonates with someone out there. Maybe you've faced something similar, or maybe you're just here for the drama; either way, your thoughts would be nice to hear. I can't help but wonder what the right move is. Society makes it sound like there's a rulebook for this kind of situation, but honestly, it feels like I'm flying without a manual. Everyone around me seems so confident in what they would do, tossing around terms like "shared parental responsibilities" or "co-parenting strategies," but when it's you in the hot seat, it's an entirely different game. You see, I don't feel really sad or happy—just entirely and existentially confused. It feels like choosing between sticking with a 9-to-5 job forever or taking the leap into an adventurous startup with zero guarantees—it's all equally daunting and thrilling in some twisted sense. But gotta keep it polite, even in thoughts, eh? So, I'll just simmer in this soup a little while longer and see what happens.

Lately, I've been grappling with this really unsettling sensation every single time I try hitting the hay, and man, it's just freaky!!! 😳 I don't know if anyone else out there feels this, but it genuinely feels like I'm on the brink of something fatal as soon as I close my eyes. It's like, why does sleep suddenly feel like skydiving without a parachute?! Anyone??!! The moment I'm drifting off, my heart starts pounding like the opening scenes of a thriller movie, and I'm pretty sure I'm still alive, yet there's that undying (pun intended lol) fear that I might not be when I wake up. 😅 Deep down, I know it's probably anxiety or something related, but boy, oh boy, is it intense! I'm basically there, lying in bed, like, "Hey, body, cut me some slack; this feels a bit too dramatic!!!" 😂 But, seriously, I do keep telling myself that it's just the mind playing its twisted games. Weirdly enough, though, calming myself down isn't always as easy as just snapping my fingers and poof, the panic's gone. Sometimes I just wonder if it's the subconscious mind trying to tell me something I can't figure out yet? You ever just feel like your brain just wants to mess with you for no good reason?? 😂 It can get a bit overwhelming, but staying hopeful, right???? It's really all about a mental boost, like self-psyching yourself that you're OK and it's gonna be fiiiiine!!! 🙌 Thinking positively does wonders, doesn't it?? Does anyone else feel like some low-key Jedi mind tricks are necessary to push through this?? Maybe adding a chill playlist or listening to some calming podcasts could chill out the hyperactive brain. 🙏 But, I really don't want this to bog me down. There's a silver lining in everything, and maybe this is an opportunity to work on mastering my thoughts, ya know?? It's all about finding those tiny pockets of peace and letting 'em bloom, turning those anxieties into some zen garden kind of vibes. Surely this is just the phase of learning to navigate through life, right? Does it mean my imagination is just over the top? Who knows!!! 🤔 Regardless of this nuanced battle with silent panic, there's this undying hope that I'll find a good balance soon, settle into a rhythm that doesn't include fear whispering lullabies into my nighttime routine. 🤞 It's all part of finding what works, maybe practicing some mindfulness exercises or getting comfy with tea rituals before bed? Anyone else a tea fan? Seems like whatever works, right?! Ultimately, these peculiar sensations don't define my nights. It's just a temporary blip on the roadmap of ongoing self-discovery... or as they say, glow up! So, I'll keep embracing the positives, cause doesn't each dawn bring a fresh start?? 😊 I'm determined not to let these night-time jitters run the show, y'know! Anyone else dealing with similar vibes wanna chime in with your thoughts or tips??! Sorry for all my emojis, I tried to clean up a bit but i always write with a lot of them!!! 😅

Soo, my classmates told me that they kind of saw someone on her messenger app that has hearts labeled on em. (Like, they're trying to tell me that she's already with someone, you know.) And I'm unsure if it's true or not, but it's giving a heavy and unsettling feeling. Because I too, saw it earlier. At first, I thought it was just her parents (hey, some people love their parents a lot. But that's based on my POV.) but I also noticed that she hides it, like she's trying to not get caught at all. So now I'm rethinking everything, like as in. Was it worth it? Ten months of admiring from afar, planning this gift for her at our closing event, and pretty much thinking about how perfect she is in my perspective. Maybe I guess I'm not destined to do this after all? I don't even know man... The upcoming final exams are going to be the end of me, and I don't want to seem like an intruder in someone's relationship bcuz that'll make me look like a creep... I guess I should just give it up? Or maybe anonymously give it, like let someone else do the gift and say it's from an anonymous person. So that I won't have to bear the weight of nervousness because it's really my first time.. IDK MAN plz, maybe my intuition is right?? Or maybe its just parents or loved ones??? I cant stop of thinking about so much possibilities. :(

Nobody and I mean absolutely nobody will ever love my parents more then the way I love them as their first born

I love them so much that I would ruin myself to the point I’ll simply evaporate if you just look at me

I’m their first born but they’ll never love me the way I love them

I’m the first born to two humans that should have never become parents

I love them so much I hate them

The moment I came to terms with that I could finally breathe

They’ll never support me

They’ll never be proud of me

They’ll never care about me

They’ll never want me

They’ll never love me

They’ll never love me the way I love them

I look like my daddy and I act like my mommy

I’ll never be happy until the day I take my last breath

I can’t put it in exact words

He’s my daddy I have two of his jackets but I’ll never have HIS jacket

She’s my mommy I have her sarcasm, her laugh, her pretty smile

He’s my daddy I wear his cologne, I have his eyes, his face, his hair

She’s my mommy she’s the first thing I think about when I wake up

He’s my daddy he’ll always be the first and last person I will ever look up to again

She’s my mommy she’ll always be my first thought

He’s my daddy he will always be my first word

I’m my parents first born

I love them so much I hate them

Nobody will ever love them the way I love them as their first born

I wish they’ll love me one day the same way I love them so I can live too

That’s the best way I can put it into words at least for now