Life Stories and Everyday Drama

so my mom like wants to send me to a mental hospital bc of the way i'm acting and I just can't stop thinking about whether or not i'll get to keep my phone with me. like the only way i stay in touch with my friends is through texting and social media 🥲, and if they take that away how am i supposed to cope with everything that's happening? i've been reading some articles but they're pretty vague or inconsistent when it comes to phone policies at these facilities. some people say you can bring your phone but they lock it up most of the time and give it back during specific hours, while others mention you'll have no access at all! ughhhhh it's so frustrating not knowing what will happen; i mean these places are meant for healing, right? but then why would they cut us off from our support systems,,that seems counterproductive!

and then there's this whole thing about 'therapeutic environment' where devices could interfere with treatment according to them... seriously?? doesn't connectivity help though? 🤔 plus like has anyone ever considered that maybe talking to friends via messages could be therapeutic too??? idk man all i know is if my mom really sends me there becuz she thinks it'll help then fine🥺; i wanna do what's best obviously. just nervous af bout being isolated from everything that makes sense in life rn. would it really harm treatment if we had restricted access instead of zero access altogether... like guys actual professionals pls clarify before anxiety takes over completely lol!

I've been thinking a lot about why people hang up on others during phone calls. It's such an intriguing psychological phenomenon, isn't it? Some say it's a power move, while others believe it's a desperate attempt to avoid confrontation. I'm not sure exactly where I fall on this spectrum, but I can't help but wonder what drives someone to just...cut the connection like that? Maybe there's something deeper at play here!

I came across this article that mentioned the 'fight or flight' response being triggered, leading us to disconnect rather abruptly. Could it be that hanging up is actually some kind of instinctual defense mechanism? Perhaps we're subconsciously trying to protect ourselves from emotional distress by ending the conversation prematurely. Or maybe we believe we're preserving our dignity? These are questions I've been struggling with lately.

There's also the aspect of social conditioning! We've grown up in a world where communication has become instantaneous and often overwhelming. Is it possible that hanging up signifies an overwhelming sense of anxiety driven by societal pressure? The way we communicate has evolved so rapidly...maybe it's our brains trying to adapt to these changes. With instant messaging, social media, and ever-present connectivity, could hanging up be an outdated form of asserting control when overwhelmed?

Now don't get me wrong—I'm not condoning rude behavior! But understanding this reaction from a psychological perspective might help us approach situations with empathy and compassion next time someone hangs up on us unexpectedly. Maybe they just needed space or felt cornered in that moment. I guess what I'm really saying is: let's try not to take it personally! 😊

I think I have found a new way that dudes can be total dicks at work. So there's kind of two parts to my job as a tech writer - keep up with what's going on and make sure we have docs for all our features (BAU) and make improvements to how the docs perform (optimisation, including AI-optimisation). These activities usually go in parallel. With AI, dudes have suddenly started to tell me how I should innovate / must change, enhance, or fix things. And they keep pushing a truck tonne of suggestions at me - or worse - just doing shit with my stuff without consulting me - and then expecting me to be on board with their brilliant ideas. I'm not being brought in, or asked, or consulted. I'm just being told and preached to, and shown.

It feels like the work equivalent of being sent back to the kitchen while dudes take all the glory for a successful party. They don't have to see, acknowledge, or do any of the menial doc chores. They just get to be out front (on slack) having great ideas and then taking the glory. It's pissing me off.

I don't want this to be a #notallmen discussion derailed by buthurt dudes who think I'm generalising. I'd appreciate responses more about the "coming in over the top and being an AI-hero behaviour" than the fact that I have only experienced this from men. I cannot help but read it as just another version of mansplain/one-up/competitive/look at me behaviour that I have seen in jobs for decades.

Survival is paramount, especially in a company where the "company" aspect is merely a facade to mask the shady dealings that are brewing inside. They prioritize survival above all else. The authorities intend to treat it like a private home, managing it according to family power transfers, but this already reveals their incompetence. The authorities are blind, making decisions based solely on eliminating problems, without considering the consequences. No one there bothered to protect me or my friend, not in any way, as everyone was focused on clinging to authority and upholding the hegemony of their respective groups for their own protection. No one believed that someone would be capable of betraying my group, of orchestrating my departure, and of securing a position of authority—a position that was also my friend, a leader among the others, even though not within the bureaucracy. This doesn't limit her actions, which, in fact, don't consist of giving me orders, since it's a team effort, but rather of acting openly in front of everyone. She counts on me, and the others know that I can operate independently, something that would seem insane to others if they weren't part of a group. However, every group has its strengths, and I'm someone who likes to improve in every situation.

My work group thought I knew everything about tax management, but they didn't count on me being swayed, on knowing how to use their questions to my advantage, on realizing that any trust I placed in them was simply naive, because there was never any such trust. They assumed so, not realizing that everything I said was entirely in my favor, and I was exposing them in their eagerness to go beyond what was necessary at work. They are people who don't respect clear company boundaries, whose role is purely political even in the performance of their duties, with a desperate desire to survive, at the cost of nothing but silence. With my friend and me, that wasn't the case. In fact, after a conflict, I spoke of her needing to vent, but they took it as if it were my doing, when in reality it wasn't. Throughout the whole process, they thrived on their group deficiencies, on achieving anything that would benefit them, on the idea that I couldn't say anything and that they could control the discourse, but along the way, that dynamic began to crumble. They tried to steer things this way and that, without success, creating such a mess that they reached a point where they had no choice but to resort to any excuse to create a bitter, poorly crafted, desperate image of me. They were already in a state of flux, not really knowing what was happening; only their fears remained. To the point that, in an attempt to prevent them at all costs, they went so far as to provide the very thing that would give them grounds for denunciation: preventing me from going to the company because they weren't going there, not for work-related reasons, even though I could go.

It was very easy to crush them. That wasn't my objective per se, because there's always the possibility of surrender, but they can fight to the end. After all, it's the only thing they have left after failing, to find some solace in the attention of others. Ultimately, what they seek is an absolute loss of power, a loss that arbitrariness has wrought upon them—that's the protocol. My friend is extremely happy, not for any other reason than that she's finally managed to make my boss, a chauvinist disguised as a constant barrage of stress and jokes, completely contrary to his usual persona, fawn over her. He can't say a word about her, not even the slightest bit. She feels fortunate to offer him any support, especially in those situations where a little help is always welcome. But in her case, it means dealing with someone who desperately asks why on earth she's being included in something she hasn't agreed to in any way—something that did happen with me, of course, under justification and behind other people's backs. We're told we have a friendly relationship, not a friendship, but in practice, it amounts to the same thing. She leads by putting herself out there in front of the group, making those comments behind closed doors, in order to establish ourselves. Our group allows us the advantage—a delightful one we always crave—of exercising our individuality as we wish. After all, we fulfill our job duties completely, leaving any potential mistakes and other issues to the bosses, who, due to stress and the need to prevent conflicts through desperately given instructions, have to put up with it. In the office, we feel completely free to be ourselves and to have the relationships we want, adapting our approach to the environment.

It's about doing our own thing, something special, something meaningful, something that allows us to feel a dignified intimacy, but that transcends circumstances and situations. We're not here for that; we're tired of the staged events, which in themselves lead us to feel completely insecure around others. Feeling different, and others perceiving us that way, has meant that these situations serve as mere bait for some kind of gain, some abuse of the pleasures we can offer to those around us, but don't want to. This has been one of my boss's obsessions with both me and her, because he couldn't see things one way and believed they couldn't be any other, resulting in constant sabotage. She's the worst person, attached to his secretary, who thought she had all the tools in the emotional game, but that wasn't true. My boss had someone who knew absolutely nothing about emotions, other than how to manipulate in a completely obvious way that convinced no one, and on top of that, he was obsessed with seeing things done quickly so he could keep moving forward. Their serious problem is that they didn't consider their position, what they were facing, and the experience of everything ending so quickly, without much discernment of the consequences, precisely because of the limitations of the company itself. This could easily lead one or the other to make accusations against the other.

My friend and I thrive on a pleasant, enjoyable, and timely yet coordinated connection, which provides the other essential ingredients. We recognize that it arises within an environment not designed for this kind of interaction, but we embrace it and make something of it, which is why each encounter is simply special. Their current blockages, in effect, are ways of reinforcing the idea that our changes are made by ourselves, without any interference from either of us in the other's life. This allows for that space, that openness to our feelings, and it has certainly done us good. To the point where, albeit somewhat dilapidatedly, we can say that each of us is more prudent with the others in our communication, knows our place, our limits, and is no longer disruptive. We emerged within the social order, and that's precisely why we have a place there. The seed for it was already there, thus conveying to the surroundings that it was worthwhile. That's when we stopped trying to create divisions among ourselves, which only made our lives more stressful, more closed off, and less open, giving the impression that we would eventually leave the company. Now, it's precisely this collaborative spirit within the environment that allows both them and us to feel connected. Each of us, my friend and I, contributes from wherever we can, with whomever we can, and however we can, to those who are strictly within the work sphere. It's clear who we are, and that's why we all breathe, because everyone respects each other's boundaries.

As for the little group of thugs I was talking about, the issue was that everyone was waiting for that moment when everyone would leave them, even me, who, according to them, was the best treated of the group.

sometimes i just need to vent about how frustrating it is when my family doesn't get this comfort i find in being sad. it's like they expect me to put on a happy face all the time and pretend everything's fine, but that ain't me. sadness isn't always something bad to be chased away with forced positivity, it's a part of life.

when i'm feeling down, i find this weird kind of solace in it that helps me process things in my own way. maybe it's because i've learned that by embracing these feelings, rather than shoving them aside, i can actually gain clarity and see things from a different perspective. but try explaining that to people who think there's only one right way to feel okay and you'll see just how much they don't get it. it's not like i'm wallowing in misery for fun or anything, i'm actually working through stuff.

i wish they'd understand that sometimes sitting with your emotions and allowing yourself to fully experience them is empowering rather than destructive. sure, the tears come and the feelings hit hard, yet when you let yourself truly feel what's going on inside without judgment or trying to fix it instantly... that's where genuine healing starts happening for me at least. but yeah, whenever i mention this—cue the eye rolls and comments about being too sensitive or dramatic. ugh 😑

I witnessed one of the biggest organizational disasters I've ever seen, and I think it even breaks records in terms of the actions taken. Managers acting independently, gossip spreading like wildfire in the face of the unusual disregard for the rules, and a general sense of fear surrounding the need for a measured and firm defense. Everyone was astonished by something that was commonplace and under company management, something everyone should be aware of. But I fear that in that office, the job titles are nothing more than rhetoric to enhance the title, not the actual work, and therefore, not the company itself. It's completely, for God's sake, neglected. They don't operate based on company results, but on company processes. They demand evaluation for what the company does to produce results, but not for the work done to achieve those results. Simply put, that company is parasitic on society because it operates from the worst possible perspective: internal interests dictate how the company's objectives are achieved, not the objectives themselves. This is something that anyone with business management training would definitely avoid, to the point that it operates with the notion of creating a "family," when the first thing any cultural management professional should be asking for is prevention. It's a naive task, typical of someone who clearly doesn't know what they're doing when faced with the immense responsibility of managing a company or coordinating a project. It's astonishing how the language is contrived based on experience, not methodically developed through study, to the point that anyone can make a mockery of the system, even knowing the appropriate mechanisms and legal framework. I even saw managers begging for approval, for group integration at all costs based on image, making work seem secondary, making any mistake or failure a matter of disregarding the company's best practices.

Not even the authorities themselves trust the company or its operations; instead, they coexist at the expense of establishing turf and using terrible communication. It's utterly deplorable. I can't go anywhere else because this is the general situation in all companies in my country. I've had to learn from this experience to learn how to survive on the ground, systematically, using my knowledge of business management, if indeed it truly applies to that area. Things have gotten to the point where, along with a colleague, I've had to set up a parallel administration within the company. This is so that each of us can operate according to the company's best interests, ensuring that the company's previously coercive channels no longer operate as such. This is due to fear of accusations stemming from our close relationship, which we've managed to keep under wraps, maintaining a friendly connection, and thus provoking questions. This colleague and I have needed this for some time. To be clear, neither of us has any interest in the other's personal life whatsoever; we're only interested in facilitating our own way of life within the company. The paths we wanted, based on our personalities and the image we projected, were completely segregated, forcing us to act discreetly and restrictively, which in turn caused us problems.

However, I think I'm being a bit harsh with us. The fact is, there are feelings between us; we like each other, we want to be in each other's lives. But right now, the company is the top priority. Our safety is precisely what makes us feel we can do something together. It creates the illusion that something is happening, even though the necessary elements aren't there. This is why our individual autonomy is more pronounced, because others don't know what to expect. We're not interested in others understanding us; we're only interested in feeling that we're reserving our space and that others can't access it. They consider this barbaric because, for them, what matters is that everyone in the company maintains some kind of involvement to keep things running smoothly. With us together, that's not possible, and we're always at the mercy of something happening, and at the same time, doing something could lead to just that.

This parallel government was essential. I have surrendered my work group to the negative comments of others, for the sake of absolute fairness, given that their life revolved around making decisions behind the scenes, passing off their results as their own, disregarding processes, and turning their intrusion into an accusation of invasion. That has ended.

These thugs tried to involve me in their way of doing things, believing that through their intimidation I would give in by remaining silent, but the inconsistency of my reactions backfired. Of course, typical of those deluded by power, unable to see the potential for future conflicts, a reaction they knew, because they assumed they knew everything and then some. Getting rid of them wasn't easy, but I can't say they were a thorn in my side either, since they had already played me once and their world came crashing down on them. That group's connections within the company had been weakening for some time, and what happened with this young woman was the final straw. They knew their grip on power was shaky; in fact, when I had a conflict, they tried to take sides, to play the hero and salvage some of their image, but I didn't cooperate with that either. It was easy to be a collaborator by being completely unyielding, making them believe there was something between us when there wasn't, even though the things I did for my own future weren't false. Everything came crashing down on them, and my colleague and I stood up to them, to the point that we, like everyone else, have them under close scrutiny. To the point that anything out of line now has to be discussed when I'm not around: they have someone who could betray them with a denunciation. This used to only happen with the departments they were in charge of, which were outside their office; now they have it right next door. The disorganization is radical; it's a matter of surviving however they can, because they see no way forward after the upcoming change in leadership.

The situation of that group is deplorable, and the company's situation is even more so from a management perspective, for no other reason than that it's a strategic, war-like situation. Ironically, this whole conflict with the girl was nothing more than a tacit series of instructions, where she did what I said. She was always under scrutiny, while I, the mastermind, remained untouched. Of course, the game was played out through actions that led to other actions, all of which were predetermined. My colleagues had their eyes on her, but behind the scenes, I was orchestrating that trust step by step, yielding to principles that seemed genuine to them but never truly existed, such as agreeing with the psychiatric services. This was never the case; they only assumed it because of my defense of authority, as required by law. Everything came to a head when the girl staged a fake health emergency, which I was able to exploit to accuse my colleagues of complete disregard for the company's needs, even though it was true that they did practice such practices. In short, this group ended up looking like they were operating independently, secretly, and completely ignored by the company, all thanks to a message in a WhatsApp group.

It's been quite a strategy to survive in an environment where, under ideal conditions, such things should never have been allowed. What she and I had should have been kept private from the start, but nobody would have said a word.

so i've always been in an environment where alcohol is this giant mystery. coming from a really religious family, alcohol's kind of like the ultimate taboo. but recently, i was hanging out with some friends who've had drinks now and then, and this whole 'tipsy' concept came up 🥴 and it got me thinking...

i mean, they've described it as not being entirely drunk but just feeling a bit lightheaded and more relaxed? they mentioned sometimes people feel warm all over or maybe get a fit of giggles. it's kind of fascinating how it seems to slightly loosen social inhibitions, almost like turning down the volume on anxiety?

and sure, there's definitely a health conversation that goes with this stuff (talk about moderation and understanding one's limits...) but something about the idea still makes me curious. nobody in my immediate circle drinks, so my tipsy tales are all second-hand haha.

i guess what has always stirred some curiosity is hearing how different people react when they're in that state. sounds like people experience things uniquely: maybe feeling high-spirited during one drink or getting sleepy with another... do taste preferences play into the effects too?

does vivacious laughter really take hold more easily? someone even said music sounded better to them after a cocktail or two! it’s intriguing yet so distant for me right now given my background, but who knows what i'll learn from others along the way.

There’s this dude who likes me, but I’m afraid if I do date him, I’ll grow repulsive and disgusted by him. Let me explain.

I’ve been in one relationship before, and after a few months of them showing affection in words, I began to grow disgusted at them and everything about them. Weird thing is, I want a relationship, it’s just I know I only like the idea of it. Except when the idea came to life, the exact reaction occurred. Disgustion.

Does anyone else experience this..?

Being the black sheep of the family isn't easy, trust me, I know. I've always felt different from my siblings and it sometimes feels like I'm speaking a different language entirely. They all seem to have their lives figured out, with successful careers in corporate finance or engineering, while I'm here pursuing an art career. It's like I'm operating in a completely different system. "Why don't you just get a real job?" they say at family gatherings. It's frustrating but I try not to let it get under my skin too much.

The thing is, I love what I do. Painting and creating makes me feel alive, even if it's not as 'stable' as they'd like. It's not about proving them wrong but showing what true passion looks like. Sure, I might not have the typical 9-to-5 schedule or the steady paycheck that comes with it; yet my heart's invested in every brushstroke on canvas and that's something incredibly special to me ❤️. Sometimes it gets lonely being misunderstood by those closest to you but I've learned to find comfort in small victories and personal growth rather than external validation.

So its a long story y'know the typical family where having a realtionship is considered betraying your parents so my cousin was in one but then her family knew and then scolded her and everything and after all this time she asked for my brothers phone to log in to her insta account and then she forgot to log out so naturally my brother saw her chats and told me and what i saw in there was absurd my sister who is not more than 17 yrs old ahe was talking to 2-3 guys at the same time and one was asking her of nudes she didn't send any but yeah one was telling her he loves her and another one was her ex which her family knew about in the past and she told everyone including me they broke up and mind you iwas in the impression of that she tells me everything but i had my doubts that she didn't tell me something but this was totally out of limit i maybe y'know explained her to much that you should now focus on your carrer if you want a better love life and all that speech and then i get to know my sister is texting more than one guy and one of tham is her ex who threatened her father and cursed at him and she knows still they both are talking now i can process that later like confront her later about it because my brother is out of control because he told my other brother and now if the family knows she is doomed and i feel the need to protect her because she is still naive in some ways i guess and my brother is telling me not to tell her that we have her id and if i don't tell her now she will know in future that i was in on all this and feel betrayed and now i dont know what to do should i warn her should i not? beause if i do warn her and my brothers know we might have a sour relation after that

I can't stand all the changes happening at work these days!!! Like seriously??? It's been such an AWFUL time recently with all this AI stuff suddenly taking over everything!! Why can't things just be like they used to be? Everything gets so complicated and confusing now. Honestly, it's making my job feel like a never-ending nightmare. I'm supposed to adapt and learn all these new systems and tools but who has the time or energy for that?!

It seems like every day there's something new implemented. There's no time to breathe or catch up before we're thrown into another new process that 'improves efficiency' (or so they say). I don't believe it half the time; These changes seem to make things more difficult rather than easier! The whole ecosystem is shaken by this synthetic intelligence invasion!!! Every protocol we followed changed overnight, and it's frustrating trying to keep up with pace of development now required of us in our roles.

Work used to be straightforward! We knew what was expected of us: log in, complete tasks and clock out... Now, we're inundated with training modules!!! Honestly, how many learning sessions does one person need? It feels like a massive overload of information even before starting proper operations for a client task. We are bombarded by updates on algorithms which are supposed to replace manual reporting methods. As if being human wasn't enough anymore!

Sure, I understand technology is good but there needs balance!!! Implementing everything simultaneously?? Surely that's not strategic planning I'm seeing... Maybe if they'd give us adequate support I'd be more open-minded towards accepting it - explaining rather than just imposing would go lengths. Every discussion leads nowhere except further entrenched gridlock when queried about compatibility issues mounting outta nowhere.

Change maybe inevitable but can we slow down? Let people adjust rather than pushing them overboard when not ready mentally nor professionally match yet demanded standards determined overnight sharpened skills checklist involved???? Being optimistic aside reality checks needed ensuring realistic pacing while apprenticing newer methodologies working past resilient experience held previously integral!! I guess ultimately adapt level heading cautiously contrive progression sustain...

so, i just broke up with my girlfriend like an hour ago and wow, it sucks. we were together for almost two years; it's such a weird feeling to be without her now. the thing is, she cheated on me and that's why I had to end it without a shred of doubt in my mind. it's not like i didn't see some signs but finding out the truth hit harder than i ever imagined. you know how people always say 'trust your gut?' well, they’re onto something there.

i thought we'd built something solid and meaningful, yet here I am questioning everything about our relationship and what’s next for me. we shared so much, the good times were really good but man, this betrayal feels heavy. It’s like having cold water thrown over you. every memory seems tainted and i feel lost right now; who knew something could sting this bad? funny thing is she'll probably move on like nothing happened, while i'm here trying to piece things together one thought at a time.

I don't feel there's much to say at this moment, other than to criticize the things I've experienced, with which I completely disagree. I want to begin by observing how impressive it is that, in the office environment, each manager limits their interaction with their employee to the extent that their own personal circumstances, shaped by their experiences, allow. Otherwise, they tolerate the employee only when there's no reason to reprimand them.

I'm still surprised that I was blocked at the office and no one did anything about it at all. Everyone assumed that contact wasn't essential for that person and therefore that it could remain that way—that is, that my marginalization could continue. And yet, no one did anything, not even my boss. No one realized the impact of this, not even by paying attention, and that's where I feel radically excluded: in the midst of an emergency, at the moment when, without exception, we can all be useful. In other words, I don't feel taken into account at the office when I have the means to contribute. However, I don't feel the need to file any complaint or anything like that, because even that would be seen as an excuse. This person's exclusion made me realize that in the most important moments, including emergencies, I can't participate if I don't have the necessary resources, which isn't my fault.

This is something the company's management should be aware of, but they aren't. I feel completely marginalized from the group, and the negligence is clear. This person, of course, isn't going to conduct any review, and I highly doubt any of the authorities will even look into this. After all, they can't imagine an emergency involving this person where I could be of any use. In fact, the company didn't support me at all, neither my boss nor anyone else, who only offered me crumbs because of their inability to uphold the basic principles of a harmonious work environment. That's when I undertook the necessary task of handing my group over to the others, given that they offered no support whatsoever, only a superficial and inadequate response. Therefore, I didn't support the company at all in their efforts to destroy this employee, aiming for his permanent dismissal since he was always getting into trouble.

Now, that person is in charge, and I'm with him. Initially, I found no support for my situation, and I was even pressured and accused of being weak for seeking psychiatric or psychological help, with the pressure being on me to be strong at all costs. Feeling marginalized hurt me deeply and made me empathize with that person, who was also marginalized. I joined him because I know what it's like to be disregarded, to have your own principles ignored, and to have people interfere in your life at every turn, preventing you from going beyond what you need, where your voice has no value whatsoever. Now, this individual controls my life both at the company and in the town. I have to admit, society itself betrayed me by failing to see what I was doing. In contrast, this individual was there to take responsibility despite his shortcomings. He didn't try to hide anything; he made improvements through small details that hit the right flank. Undoubtedly, perhaps, we can say that I was the one he needed to rise to power in the company, despite not having the bureaucracy to foster bias in the chain of command.

I was the pawn he needed, the one who made me, from the group everyone wanted on his side, now on his side, making it clear that if something was indeed happening, that this group was indeed plotting against him, as it's the second time this has happened. It's the second time someone has been marginalized, being new, and moreover, under a modus operandi different from the norm. In other words, it became clear that the group harbors an inherent resistance to difference; therefore, it's not focused on current trends, but rather on a homogenizing and exclusionary system. Consequently, the group, which set out to integrate me into the company, achieving a degree of opposition, failed and ended up being marginalized. My character and I are marginalized, while the other group, where we have priority, embraces our differences on every level, unlike them, who choose to express their opposition at the cost of concealing flaws. Acknowledging our differences, despite a history of past mistreatment and disputes within our respective work groups, and forging our own union, has resulted in our being relevant to the company's popularity, unlike these others who even attacked my character, demonstrating that they are a detrimental element to the company.

The employees themselves, acting as spokespeople to their families, who in turn tell the rest of the world, determine that this leads to comments that, depending on their nature, create doubts about the future of all employees. Therefore, what my work group does is essentially bound to be marginalized because it goes against this, and furthermore, it constitutes an abuse of authority, which is the last straw for everyone there. In essence, a company where authority is abused to mistreat diversity is evidence that the system favors segregation through the abuse of power, thus making it clear that diversity is not something to be embraced by the group, even though, in principle, it is permitted. Thanks to this attitude, my boss and his secretary have declined drastically; neither is tolerated anymore, but rather seen as parasitic elements, because even though they are under his command, neither of them is treated effectively; instead, each operates independently. In fact, it's curious that everything associated with them is kept separate from them, barely connected by a purely bureaucratic process.

They tried to prevent it at all costs, attacking my image at every turn. There were several attempts, but I personally found myself capable of handling it, of being receptive to their spirit, of understanding their circumstances. But the point is that they did it in public, blurring the lines between what should be private, thus establishing for everyone else that they were completely out of line. Indeed, we're talking about how they had become chaotic, without any apparent cause, initially, because the reasons were undeniably dangerous for them, since they acted outside the law, believing that I could be implicated, precisely because we were talking about what they would call nonsense. But the law comes first and is the basis of coexistence; however, they didn't understand this. They tried to escape at all costs, but they couldn't.

For some time now, I've been developing various frameworks to visualize the situation that unfolded in the office and with this individual. This person made me see what it was like to be in his shoes, and I don't deny that he blocked me, primarily because I feel that my lifestyle is being valued—a lifestyle of being immersed in my private affairs, deeply involved in them, trying to keep others out of my way so I can focus entirely on them. I feel that I am valued more than the company; that is, I am the one being considered for various life situations, not the company, the very same one that marginalized me and that he also marginalized. It wasn't easy for me to witness this loving spirit on his part, and the respect he showed me, his solitary soul, as he likes to call it, which is how he defines me. I feel he embraces me in a hidden way, safeguarding my values, unlike the others, that group in the company who acted for their own interests, making me a part of them at the cost of receiving more detailed and frequent attention, which, however, wasn't contextualized, but rather imposed. This person definitely didn't do that. With so much love, he won me over, starting from the premise that he was dealing with me and not with a projection of himself, based on the fact that I was different and wanted to be that way, not on the fact that I was different and wanted to be normal, like everyone else.

I've never felt like I'll ever accomplish anything. Growing up the only child meant learning to give up on whatever I truly wanted to do with my life. It's always about approval. Because if I'm the wrong thing, I'm all alone again. I've never been able to express myself properly because they have rules. I'm an adult and I still have my parents rules. No hair coloring, no tattoos, no piercings other than lobes, no anything you ever want to do for yourself because I am your mother. I can't even find my own identity in peace. I've been flip flopping between labels forever because right when I settle into one I think "Is that really me or is that just to appease her?". I have to be top of my class, straight As, I feel like I'm in a god damn musical with that song "Little Miss Perfect" because that's all my life has ever felt. I want to be more, I want to do things to help people, to help myself, but I'm stuck in this never ending loop of approval and the worst part is I know exactly what's happening and can't do anything about it. Because that would mean I'm all alone again and I always end up alone anyways. I always try too hard and fall back down like a baby bird. My mother always wonders why I never tell her anything, why I don't open up...well, when I do I get called dramatic or a brat. So why should I even try? When I was in a major depressive state in middle school and was harming myself she told me I was doing it for attention. I failed my first semester of college and tried to cover it up because I was scared of what she would do. How she would react to her perfect 4.0 GPA kid failing almost every single class. I was right to be scared. She never hurt me physically, of course. She's not stupid. She knows I would go to the police, I've told her this before. She just breaks me down bit by bit until I feel worthless. And I can't do anything about it. I have nobody to turn to, no siblings, nobody I can really ever trust to take my side. So here I am...venting on the internet.

I have so many criticisms of people that I don't know where to begin. Everything is based purely on survival and achievement, completely disregarding feelings. The life I observe is simply about pretending not to experience anything, living the status quo at all costs, desperately. There's no room for novelty whatsoever; instead, everything operates from a place of progress based on strict tyranny, without allowing life any reflection unless it's for something that benefits progress, or at least its basic principles.

It's common to flee from the irritation caused by our actions, which is often called support, hence the, in my opinion, addictive embrace of groups. These groups aren't actually moving to recover the mobility of our individuality, but rather to create a settlement that justifies the escape, that avoids that feeling altogether, that pain which leads precisely to reflection, and in which many therapists have collaborated and even try to interfere without us realizing it, at the cost of justifying everything through sensations, without establishing a panorama of circumstances. The question is always this, and it's truly lamentable: "Do you feel okay?" This question alludes to a state of fulfilling expectations, of immobility, where there is no confrontation with pain, therefore no contextualization of the environment, and therefore no empowerment of the individual. I will never forget when a psychiatrist pointed out that I was searching for context for what was happening to me, passing it off as a symptom of some situation in which I found myself trapped, in her view, trying through disruptive gestures to shift my focus elsewhere, thus perpetuating my being in the midst of those circumstances and, on top of that, living with them at the cost of forgetting them. This is lamentable.

I feel I haven't had the right to have a single glimmer of conscience in a long time, because having one would be extremely dangerous for me, precisely because it implies a conflict that would reveal my value system, based on contextualization, and therefore result in a complete rejection of my environment, since this is precisely what is considered forbidden, as it implies future actions that could result in a rejection of the social structure itself. However, I need to conduct this analysis to understand my current situation. Since I don't share the same values ​​as others, I need to adapt them to achieve effective and meaningful interaction within my environment. This is determined by social movements that result in the preservation of my principles, and of course, by understanding their successes and failures. This allows me to guide my decisions and anticipate future social movements in accordance with them, always with a spirit of observation, and always starting from an understanding of the environment's modus operandi. It's interesting to note that many operations, both within the office and in many other places, are overlooked. In other words, the problem-solving framework and procedures aren't clearly defined. The assumption, as I'm observing, is that if there's no evidence, it's not related to any particular issue, in order to prevent any deviation from the norm.

It pains me to speak in these terms, but I fear that such structured and schematic language is necessary to holistically visualize the phenomena I experience, primarily of a social nature. This involves adapting my principles; undoubtedly, in practice, this translates into carrying out unusual actions. However, these actions are always consistent with my principles, or—and this is what allows for their flexibility—with a review of them as I progress. Many fail to do this as they progress, because they start from principles they seek to maintain at all costs, unless, of course, this very contradiction hinders their own progress. This is why people begin to compromise to a degree that allows for their perpetuation, but this remains within the realm of the personal and the private.

I feel, and I have to say it, that the world is becoming distorted by a clear lack of examination of what is being expressed from a materialist perspective, which is nothing more than dissecting the data before us and its implications in order to understand the phenomenon. This, in essence, is the spirit of philosophy. However, to whom can I share this? I would publish it online, but first, I'm in an office where we live in fear of being discovered by outsiders and under the threat of tacit coercion. In my town, free speech doesn't really exist.

Expressing an opinion in my country is completely impossible. It's assumed that one can express an opinion, but then assumes responsibility for the emotions that arise, without having used that very emotion to formulate relevant questions. I am utterly tired of having to act silently, without dialogue, to ensure my principles are respected, especially when those around me apply them to me. This results in a war of impositions, in which, fortunately, I have emerged victorious. When there is a war, I throw myself into it. Going into a war pretending everything is as it always is a clear strategic error, and many people in my town practice it. This results in a way of glorifying the victor's group and vilifying the loser's, in terms of establishing which group is better suited to its member's life. This is completely shameful. It doesn't become a struggle between individuals but a way of aggrandizing the group of origin, thus establishing the notion of the good winner and the good loser, as well as the idea of ​​fighting to the end. In other words, it's a way of expressing that one has always been with the group and that, despite life's challenges, one will not abandon it, clearly expressing through the Love for God or Saint, the priority is the group, the identity, the institution through which the group is assumed, and not the individual. Hence, the fact that leaving a group is grounds for rejection by other groups, of course, in order to maintain the existing balance between groups, is so pronounced.

It is horrifying how many things I have recently observed in my travels around the world. I don't see the world situated within its environment, not at all, but rather everything is imposed, whether through passivity or activity, in both cases resulting in a kind of threat due to the disruption of order. This disruption leads to changes in the environment by the individual who carries them out, as well as by those who receive the disruption and by others, precisely because it involves novel cases and therefore the possibility of conflict within the group. There are many things to reflect on, and I am overwhelmed. I don't know what to delve into; rather, as I dig deeper, I generate new ideas. One of the things that surprised me was that the initial rejection by two girls within the institutional setting resulted in a hug, thanks to their disruptive approach to reciprocating the established order when no one else was doing so. This gives me hope for the future because, outside of that established order, their behavior no longer serves to support it; rather, there's nothing inherently threatening to prevent them from reciprocating, or rather, deepening their connection, and thus being congruent with their feelings. This had worried me; I acknowledged the incongruity of them not opening up about their feelings under the same group conditions. However, the fact remains that their actions, through the confrontation of the relationship with gestures and few words, demonstrate that they are indeed involved.