Life Stories and Everyday Drama

I don't feel like writing much, because it will be problematic later, very unstable. When I leave, I don't know if I'll be able to carry this sense of coherence there, wherever I am, to manage myself as if I were here, calm, relaxed, at the mercy of all the available services, as I should have outside. Outside, there's nothing that allows me to recharge with confidence. I don't even feel the possibility of having the same space, of anything. I have no stability outside; there's nothing that allows me to feel settled, that allows me to feel calm, relaxed. Right now, I'm going through all that stress, the feeling that I can't create the same environments with apps as I do here, with this calm. I feel my calm is conditional, bitter, meaningless, as if the future will be worse. I feel like I have to pretend nothing's wrong, like nothing's happening, just like when I go to the office. While I'm experiencing one thing on the outside, I'm experiencing something else entirely there, and I always try to make everything an extension of myself. Somehow, I can't keep fighting to hold on; it's not in my nature. It's feeling like I'm not living my life in harmony with the present circumstances, to gain control, to be able to dominate them. It's feeling like life is abandoning me in this holistic way, that the people aren't giving me the tools to deal with the problems.

Wow, I'm also exhausted from talking, talking, and talking. My boss is such a defensive person; he sees everything as a threat. Anything that deviates from his norms, anything that exposes him, he attacks. He goes against everyone, acting in the hope that people won't do anything, perpetuating the battle until the very end, hoping for some light that will pull him out of it, but it's not like that. I didn't allow it in the final moments. He tries to operate through omissions, so that no one can say anything, and that's not being with others. He acts as if nothing is wrong, as if everything is a fit of anxiety. Sure, people leave him, betray him—it's incredible the world that guy lives in. Always checking, always verifying. With such insecurity, perhaps it would be better for him to go to a cave or his house, because he feels he has to impose his will on everyone. Well, that's how I've felt I've had to operate with the apps, when I write and write, trying to control the space, to spread ideas, possible movements. Indeed, after the incidents with him, where people initially saw me as the stranger, and then they saw him, definitively, because it was indeed happening.

The guy's a scoundrel, he takes things for what he wants, that's why he's always in that state of panic and intense stress, and you ask him to understand. Frankly, I'm tired of giving him excuses to come back. I've already built a wall with him; I wasn't going to let him return. I was going to make him regret coming back, to make him realize that returning to me would come with consequences, which is exactly what he didn't want—something that would affect him and be reversible. If I don't treat him severely, the guy won't leave. Well, that's how I had to treat my father to put him in his place. It's exhausting writing. I feel that pressure from when I left, when I felt like I was writing under pressure, not writing for fear of losing the data on the device. I felt that thing that made me unable to write, but rather cling to it, let myself go because there would be no risk, because there would be nothing to motivate me to move quickly to achieve my goal. I feel like it's self-sabotage in some way. I can't work with my boss, it's impossible. The guy is too unstable for me. He's always getting involved in shady dealings, he doesn't take care of himself at all, he's always covering up problems instead of solving them, he acts impulsively and recklessly. I can't be with him, it's impossible, and believe me, I tried to mediate all of that, but he didn't take advantage of it. He thinks he knows everything, and he doesn't. I don't want to think what it would have been like if this had happened to me, precisely because I acted according to my own words and not according to the collective's. He got to the other extreme and then just detached himself, ignoring all the evidence. At least I have the benefit of the ethics of evidence.

It's so annoying to write under stress, knowing that I have limitations. I wish I weren't focused on limitations, but rather on feeling that something that leads to the infinite, without problems. My boss always wanted everything to be at his mercy, no matter what, regardless of anything, so he could be at ease and move forward, without worrying about whether I could do anything unless it suited him. Everything was for him, by him, and without having asked permission. I felt like I was being held captive by him, and if I said anything, he would accuse me of wrongdoing, with that authoritarian attitude he adopted, and then say, "Well, I agreed." It was an abuse of power, that way he didn't control me.

Frankly, I'm not in the mood for my boss. He started to back down when he saw his own actions leading him to ruin, to fall for nothing. That's why he isolated himself from me more and more, to avoid problems. But things reached a breaking point because he was neglecting his work; he wasn't facing the staff in front of him. He was avoiding them in a way. He only wanted what was under his control, what he chose, what he could dominate. The guy was that awful with his employees and thought we didn't notice. Frankly, I'm not interested in his life; I'm only interested in doing my job. How unpleasant! The guy always acts like everything's fine, like he treats me well so he doesn't seem bad, and believe me, I've made him stick his tongue out at me several times. His faces and gestures didn't work this time to cover up his dirty tricks. I told myself he wasn't going to get away with this, no matter what games he played. I wasn't going to put up with his drama. Frankly, it's time that guy realized he's at a job, not some place where he thinks he can do whatever he pleases. There are responsibilities, there are relationships, and this time, using the office as a shield is isolating himself from everyone else, from the hierarchy, from his duties. It's the worst thing he could have done, and yet he thinks he's a god because of it, the best, the absolute best, and that's not how it works. I'm not going to be with him, and it infuriates me to say that. I had to tell him in the worst way possible because after the tragedies in my country, when he came looking for me, after everything he did to me, to help him in the office, I shut him down. I didn't even ask how he was. The guy had to understand once and for all.

The guy thinks you're only with him as long as he sees some hope of coming back, of giving in. He considers the physical abuse temporary, thinking that ignoring him because it doesn't last forever means it's just a passing thing, but it's not. When the top management in the office told me about a pending task, he assumed it was a favor, as if I were out of the office or something. But no, he's not in charge there; those higher-ups are, and I made that clear to him. I honestly didn't care how he felt or how nervous he was. I was going to make him respect me as an employee, and I was fed up with him being so clueless, with him seeing everything as his personal domain, his personal kingdom in the office, which it isn't. Because of that mindset, I hurt my friend. I resolved, even before the authorities got involved, to eradicate it. But with the authorities' involvement, it turned out to be an invasive tactic, a way for them to establish themselves in those spaces, for all the other reasons. The guy was trying to provoke me into conflict on all sides, but I wouldn't let him. He tried to doubt me, my abilities, to extract information from me, but I wouldn't allow it. I had no reason to. I don't have to give him information about what should be done; it's time he got his bearings.

Personally, at this point, I'm not interested in my boss, his ideals, his principles, or anything like that. I don't care, I shouldn't care, and I never should have. I should never have trusted him in the first place, or taken a chance on him; that was a huge mistake. Encountering such a reckless, rule-breaker, chameleon-like person is something I can't allow myself to do again. Who does this guy think he is, playing with my life as he pleases? I'm sorry, but he doesn't interfere in my spaces, on my turf, and for his image, honestly, I don't have to stand out. I do it because of the law, whether he likes it or not, and it was quite a fight because for him, the point was to make himself look good, to make him look good at all costs, when I was acting in my own best interest, defending my principles, as I should too. I wasn't in a group to avoid confronting others' doubts; quite the opposite, it's about confronting them. That's why I don't want to anymore, because those people are incapable, from any perspective, of taking responsibility for those around them. The issue boils down to his principles and mine before the collective, so that these are what prevail. That's why I gave my best tool, I was the one who made the best judgment. If we're going to play with popularity to see who comes out on top, unfortunately, empathy no longer exists because one is essentially focused on the collective, not on the other. My boss wanted to go down that road, so, well, if that's how he wanted to play the game, then I went for it. He wanted to act in isolation from the office, while I, on the other hand, acted in the best interests of the company, in the best interests of each individual. You're there to be with everyone, not to stage a show of support; that's not the spirit. That's definitely an attack on the company, and that's what I got, because they forgot that they're part of it, that they also have to be mindful of its consequences. I had to get out of there.

What a drag to write. Luckily, I'm holding on; I've discovered I can hold on. But I feel an inertia, well, not a desire to do anything, but a headache that expresses the need to process the thousand angers in my head, to form thoughts that give concrete form to everything I went through in that environment. I'm constantly digging and digging to see how far I can go, always discovering a variety of new things. I expose myself to experiences in order to make the most of everything, to extract as much knowledge as possible. I am tired of going out, though, because I feel like the town's services are on one side and I'm on the other. The town's services don't work well anywhere, and devices have such short battery lives. I always have to worry about the battery when I'm writing or using apps, and it's stressful because without devices, you're isolated from the world, and that's a problem. It's not just the devices themselves, but being connected to the world. This isolation from the world, which is actually from everyone thanks to the internet, isn't pleasant. I admit it's not something I can stand. Well, I can live with it for a while, and I think that's okay because I depend on my own resources, but beyond that, it's impossible. It would be like going insane. Everything is expensive, prices are rising, I worry about my salary, about my life, because I don't know how long I'll receive family support. At any moment my family could leave and I could be left destitute, completely forgotten about my life, unable to live it, and I don't want that. For some time now I've felt the will to move forward, not to wait for that to happen and succumb to the drastic shock. I'm thinking about achieving some tolerance in this regard, on my own. I think about leaving my friend at the office, since I've already done what I had to do with her, leaving her in good shape, but that's not the idea either, to leave her alone. The idea is to continue together, to remain a group, to keep getting together, sharing those moments of touching that vulnerable part of us, which isn't even sexually attractive, but rather that which is unseen and where scenarios of great pain materialize. They are exposed and ignored; it's there where we feel, it's there where we feel we can communicate, because our bodies express that feeling and we express that appreciation, that warmth, that rich and meaningful connection between us. However, I don't think this is a reason to do it, but a part of me says yes. I feel that I start from her to live the rest of my life the way I like. I feel that because of her I have a reason to fight, to grow, to sustain myself, to do pleasant things, to care for others, so that it is valued in some way, from that intimate, pleasant thing, from that inspiration that I see being planted in her. She is very special to me and I can't leave her, and that's why I can't leave my life either. I love her so much.

I don't know if my boss has ever told my friend that I love her; she's a very funny person, her boss. There are many things to think about. Recently, I was out and about, and it was so hard to write because I felt like I had to keep an eye on the battery, the internet connection, everything, just to be able to do what I wanted calmly. I'm no longer calm where I'm going; I don't live in that state. I feel like I want to express things that that calm space allows me to, but I struggle more to be there, creating that "being" which isn't the point. I feel like the people aren't supporting me in that sense. I want to talk about government, about the State, about reflecting calmly, about sowing my seeds, but I'm finding myself in difficulties. I feel like I can achieve a lot, but at the cost of a lot of effort, and it makes me feel like it's not worth going there to write, to think, to research, to study, to meditate, etc., etc. That's exactly how I feel about the office, and that's why I want to leave. I feel like I have to focus on a job that definitely doesn't contribute anything to my development. Even the conversations aren't good; the work doesn't offer me anything educational. I only see conflicts, contempt for people, contempt for the world, and disorder. Well, I learn something from it, but that's not the point. The point is to gain some training, some added value from the company's product, and that's the last thing I find. I don't feel like I have the opportunity to be curious or ask questions because the goal isn't the education of others, but rather simplistic, bitter, indecent conversations, devoid of rich conclusions or learning. There's nothing more to add. Curiosity isn't well-received because there's a fear that I'll stray from the norm, and reading is seen as something uninspiring, something that won't break the mold. What a bitter place this office is; I have no desire to go there. Even reading is problematic in the places I like to go. I don't feel at peace anywhere; I even have to fight for my space because I feel like I have no space at all. I feel like I have no rules other than those of the law itself, which is often ignored. I kicked my boss in the butt out of a sad respect for hierarchy, and that was it. He was lectured about it, which made me take things to the extreme. My boss, pretending otherwise after the tragedies in my country, took it as a violation of his principles: he cares about the company, and he didn't appreciate it at all. Naturally, I cut him out of my life. With my friend, who's where all this mess started, I felt valued, as did her group and the rest of the office. The thing is very simple: The office doesn't belong to them, I don't belong to them, I'm not part of them; I belong to the company. But it seems they took it as if I wanted to escape, as if I were deliberately abandoning them according to the rules, according to that same slip-up, like my boss used to do. And now I understand why they treated me with the reprisals he always felt I deserved.

Couldn't imagine myself being here on a platform to vent about my frustrations and feelings but there's no one I feel safe with venting about this. So here I go. My wife and I have been known each other and been together for 8+ years. She was living with her sister for a few years prior to me moving in. I've met her sister before and when we were dating but I never had a relationship or connection with her. Over the past 3-5 years living with her, it's been rough. I feel bad bc I've started to resent her in some ways and have started to harbour negative emotions. She's not a bad person, I just don't like the behavior and tendencies she has. She's germophopic, and I don't know if she has contamination OCD but she washes her hand a lot, she washes her clothes every other day, she doesn't like outside clothes so she has to change every time she goes out, and she showers every day. It used to not bother me so much but she quit her job and isn't paying any bills. She kind of just exists in our home. Because she is meticulous with her health, she doesn't want to apply to many jobs and so she's been selectively applying to 1 job every other week. And I'm not saying apply as much as you can but if you really want to get a job wouldn't you submit more applications? And I wouldn't even be that upset that she's not found a job yet but then she complains so much about her health and every little change with her health is affecting her. So my wife has been asking her to go with us on hikes and outings to events and parks but she always has an excuse to not go. Always. It's so annoying to me because she always told me my wife like "I really want to go out into nature and take in scenery and find myself" but then when it's time she always says no. I feel bad for my wife because I feel like she doesn't enjoy spending time with my wife and i, especially if she has to sit in a car for an hour or two. But when we planned out annual road trip and her other sisters are coming she gets super excited and actually wants to plan elaborate ideas and activities. That's annoying to me. And aside from this, she doesn't do anything with her time. She wakes up, eats breakfast, watches Instagram reels, and do laundry. That's like 80% of her routine. Because she's germophobic, she doesn't help with recycling or trash. She'd help us with our dishes but thats it. She complains about how dirty her bathroom toilet is but won't clean it for weeks. And ever since she's been home full time with nothing but time, she stays up late and sleeps in till 10-11am every day. One time my wife and I left to go somewhere with our little one and she was just home, she did some dishes when she got up but she neglected to wash a frying pan which she later got pissed about because she was getting hungry and overstimulated and of course she bursts and complains to my wife about it and I got blamed for it because I used the pan that morning. She had 3 hours to herself and didn't think to help wash the pan in the sink? I am the main person who cooks dinner for everyone. It gets tiring and now I'm also supposed to wash the dishes after. And imagine how I feel when the one person who doesn't do much has the most comments about the food? It's frustrating and annoying, so whenever my sister in law ask me "what's for dinner?" I get super triggered sometimes and feel like I don't want to answer her at all. I can't even feel like I can ask her to help me with cooking because she gets overstimulated. And My wife gets tired from her job every evening when she gets home so I try not to lean on her too much either so I'm basically pushing through by myself. I get tired, so sometimes I don't wash or do my own dishes.after I cooked. And sometimes when my sister in law is in mood, she gets all grumpy and pissy and passive and goes days without talking to my wife. Then when something small gets her she's overwhelmed and takes it out on everyone else. When she's not grumpy she talks so much. Sometimes I'm just like, man do you love hearing yourself talk? So you know when she's in a mood when she's quiet and that means she's checked out and basically unreliable for anything. Including helping us watch our little one for an hour or two while we go on a date night. She always tells my wife that shes got a plan to leave and move out of the state, but she doesn't have a job and no savings. But a part of me tells me that she's not going anywhere not with how she's approaching it. Every time my wife asks her when does she think she's going to leave, she always says "it could be next year but maybe not who knows". These things take preparation, time, and money. She did not think it through when she decided to quit her job. We pay for everything, food and bills. Imagine how much our sewage and water bill is with how much she is using. I love my wife, and maybe it's a bit foolish to say you love someone but can't bring yourself to tell them about these things. But I don't think it would be received well. My wife and her sister have a great relationship and bond that they've built. They're vulnerable with each other and can talk about anything and everything. I envy that bc I don't have that kind of relationship with my siblings. But I can clearly tell that she likes her little sisters more than my wife. I don't think she likes me either but she's kind of had to deal with me because she's living in our home and I'm her brother in law. I feel bad that I feel like I can't talk to my wife about this but we have our own issues to sort through and I'd rather focus on that with her. I just hope the universe helps her find her way so she can live instead of existing, for my sake and sanity too.

You know, there's this saying or belief that when you can't sleep at night, it's because someone else is thinking about you. I've always found that idea so comforting and a bit whimsical 🤗🥰. When I was younger, my dear grandmother used to say this to me whenever I had trouble falling asleep. It made sleepless nights feel less lonely. She'd tell stories of long-lost lovers and friends who drifted apart but remained connected through thoughts across distances, like invisible threads tying hearts together.

The other night, as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling with thoughts racing through my mind, I couldn't help but recall her soothing words again. I wondered if it was true.... could there actually be someone out there thinking of me? And for some reason, it didn’t matter whether it was an old friend or maybe someone I just met recently. The mere thought brought a smile to my face and a sense of peace over all the chaos bouncing around my mind.

I guess what I'm trying to express is this: whether or not there's any truth behind it doesn't really matter in the end, does it? It's about finding reassurance in simple beliefs that might not hold up under scrutiny but have emotional strength nonetheless. They give us something intangible yet valuable: a sense of connection even when we feel isolated. So here's to hoping tonight I'll find sleep knowing maybe someone's thinking of me too....

i'm 21, a woman who's just stepped into what should be an exhilarating time in life. i've begun dating someone wonderful, genuinely a nice guy who seems to have all the attributes one could wish for. everything around me suggests happiness but i'm puzzled by this inexplicable inclination towards sadness. it's as if there's a magnetic force within me that draws me towards melancholy even without any apparent reason. my days are filled with moments that should spark joy yet i find myself yearning for something sorrowful.

there's this paradox of feeling content on the surface yet emotionally unsettled deep inside. it could be my upbringing or perhaps there's an inherent trait within me that's wired to seek out drama or emotional complexity where there's none. sometimes i catch myself almost wishing for adversities just so i can feel their weight and purpose... sounds absurd right? i know there are plenty of reasons to be happy but why does my heart crave the rain when surrounded by sunshine? ☔️

I can no longer calmly pick up my phone to reconnect it, because then it starts to drain quickly. I feel like going out is a problem because then they might put me in the water, and I won't be there, and consequently, I'll find that no more water will come in for the rest of the week. I can't even express my problems with complete transparency because there's always the risk that something will happen, that something will shift, and then I won't be able to get it back. I can't even go outside calmly, because even the spaces aren't safe; there's no stable internet connection whatsoever, and I can't do anything about it. Recently, there was no stability at all; everything put me at risk of losing the activity, of having to turn back. Going outside is becoming risky because there's nothing that guarantees me an effect beyond the plausible, nothing that allows me to go further and feel comfortable there. I'm always at the mercy of my nerves. Of course, I feel like I'm exaggerating, more like I'm just recording my thoughts because I'm feeling well and I've been observing how my phone behaves for a while now. I'm fine, but it's difficult because there have been so many recent changes, and well, I think it's time to pay attention to those small things, precisely to observe how I feel about the stability of my life.

My boss is losing ground, absolutely at the office. The other key players are doing everything they can to sabotage his peace, to win over those who truly act as bosses. I also feel like I can't write calmly; these moments feel tense for me, and although it's over things that seem small, the point is that when navigating life, you always have to start with the small details to make effective moves. I always encounter surprises, and the idea is to start with those small elements, make them big, make them move forward. Things on the street are expensive lately, in fact, I feel like time throughout the day is getting shorter. As for writing, I feel like I'm not recording enough, I feel like I lack time because I feel like the world is consuming me, I'm scared of the world, I want to take refuge, but that makes me want to go out, and thanks to this instability, I feel like taking refuge again. I find myself between one thing and the other, I also feel like I'm becoming a habitual writer. I'm so sorry to hear about my friend. I don't know how she is. I recently sent her an emoticon after a birthday greeting in the office group chat. I left it there hoping it would stay, hoping there wouldn't be any changes in the group and that she'd always remember it, so she'd feel my support, a connection to the group. But with the bosses' infighting, that's all gone. Well, the group belongs to everyone, and being at the mercy of fate and having to ask for dedicated channels doesn't feel right. I feel like I have to live with this uncertainty, with this feeling of making the effort to do something and then not knowing what will happen. That's been my whole life so far. I don't even know what I'm going to do with my life, and I'm even afraid of ending up on the street, definitely, because I'm not doing anything to get ahead, just writing. But this makes me feel more, delve deeper, but at the same time, it acts as a kind of prison, a restraint, preventing me from doing things with my life.

I'm uselessly checking the time, because I can spend all the time I have left outside. I confess I feel a bit desperate, because everyone else is making an effort to fix things, to do something to keep things going, and I'm doing nothing, just the bare minimum. It turns out that when I was a child, my life was the opposite; I lived at the mercy of always doing something to please others in order to support myself, and that was it, without inhabiting a specific future, other than the one others dictated. But it wasn't pleasant, because I didn't know about it; I was only confined to it, only alienated by it. I don't know how to put it. I had never reached such depths of feeling. I remember feeling that my well-being wasn't important, but rather that no one could say anything. Others focused on giving me what I needed so I could do what they assumed I should do with what they gave me, always basing their decisions on their own minds and never on what I actually said. It was in that kind of environment that I was with my boss. I can't even count on a steady supply of drinking water. I have to wait for it to heat up, then wait for it to cool down, and then I have to get water outside. Buying water is expensive; it can eat up my income. I have no savings. My boss was completely negligent with his employees, obsessed with keeping them where he wanted them. If they strayed from his plan, he couldn't control them and, seeing an opportunity, fired them—abusing the system.

My boss had some very strange ways about him. His relationship with the employees was about manipulating them against each other, exploiting their feelings, always taking advantage of institutional guilt, playing on prejudices, losing control, and acting out a reality that wasn't the one we shared, all to gain power, always under the constant threat of escape. With my boss, I never felt safe, because he didn't operate based on concrete actions, but rather on things that were already in place, leaving me to figure out what to do with them, without even considering me personally. That's why I stood up for myself and looked for a way to get out of his clutches, by any means necessary, so that he wouldn't be left looking bad and then he couldn't say anything to me. I wanted to get rid of that guy for good. I didn't like him at all; he was a monster, and to this day, I don't have the energy to understand him. In fact, the guy is completely out of control, out of the office even though he's still on the payroll. He was just trying to escape, and I knew all his tricks from my experience with my father. And indeed, he didn't manage to get out, and now the office is his own tomb. The guy tried to call my father, but my father felt exactly where he was headed, unable to maintain his control, his tyranny, his narcissism. But he failed miserably in this attempt. My father wanted him to go down that same hole, precisely to make him feel the same way he did. Like all narcissism, my boss looked for salvation from the hole everywhere, but he didn't find it; instead, everyone turned against him. Another thing that also happens to me with water is that sometimes I find insects in it, and I don't like it. I feel like somehow my anticipation of the water being ready to drink is wasted. I like getting down to these tiny details and then expanding on them, expressing them; it's about starting with those small details and making a difference from there.

My boss's mind was completely shattered, completely broken, because he doesn't know where the shots came from. It all started with me being nice to him, being kind, even going along with his plan to distance myself from a friend when she had a problem. But everything changed suddenly. He became trapped, first in my hands, then in the hands of the other department, then in the hands of the office itself, and finally in the hands of the authorities. Then his job became out of his reach. The man was stripped of everything over a problem he thought would have a quick solution, a simple matter of letting it go. But he took it too easily, clinging to the idea that everything was fine, to everything that made it seem like everything was alright. But when he was in my hands, his attempt to get out of that situation, to show his feelings, thinking I was on his side, that I would accept him, didn't turn out that way. Instead, he saw himself falling into his own abyss. He didn't expect me to turn against him so suddenly, to still be concerned about my friend, and then to get involved in a mess within the medical profession. He simply didn't. I realized that things would be so intense that I wasn't up to the task of navigating the institutional landscape in favor of feelings.

Man, I'm so stressed about this whole potential layoff situation at work. It's like my job's hanging by a thread, and that giant corporate ax is just ready to drop. I've been in this industry long enough to know the signs, but honestly? This feels different. Seriously, my throat feels tight all the time... like I can't even swallow without overthinking it. My doctor mentioned something called globus sensation (a fancy way of saying your throat’s too tense from stress), but that doesn't help when you feel like you're gonna choke on air. 😩 Like come on, what kind of nonsense is that? Doesn't matter how many times I tell myself it's just anxiety playing tricks; my body isn't buying it.

It's wild how the brain can hijack your body over stressors that may not even happen! Sure, quarterly reports look a bit iffy and the boss has been dropping hints here and there about 'operational efficiencies' but really? Get outta here with that corporate B.S.! Anyway, decided to pour myself into online courses because why waste good panic energy when I can upskill instead? Focusing on staying competitive in today's market is critical while reminding myself: 'This too shall pass.' Alexa might have better control over her voice than I do right now when I'm anxious, but it's getting better. The struggle is real yet keeping faith helps keep me afloat – found a quote recently: 'Life has no smooth road for any of us as we advance.' It's all about the forward momentum...

So, I've been sittin' here for a while try'na wrap my head around this whole mess. Like most guys, I thought I had it all figured out, you know? I'm 43, got a decent job and yeah, married to someone I thought was my partner in crime. But two months back... man, found out she'd been cheatin' on me for THREE freakin' years! 😳 Gutted is an understatement but here's the kicker: we got three kids together and that's the part that makes this so complicated; Can't just pack up and leave when there are little ones involved, right? So staying seemed like the right thing to do.

Now, it's not just about trying to move past it....it's more like trying to figure out how to coexist with the reality of what happened. Working through those feelings every damn day. Some days are better than others though if I'm honest most are pretty rough. Keeping myself busy with work helps a bit but then there's always that nagging question at the back of my mind about whether I'll get over it and if things will truly go back to normal again.....whatever "normal" means now.

People say time heals everything but what they don't tell you is how long it's gonna take or how hard it'll hit you from time to time. There's no magic fix or roadmap for dealing with something like this especially when you got other lives depending on you being strong. Every now and then she tries apologizin', tellin' me it's all in the past. But heck who've they fooled? The trust's been shaken real good...I feel like I'm floundering without an anchor sometimes.

Yet, weirdly enough there's this hope lingering somewhere inside me too: like maybe one day we'll find ourselves lookin' back at this chapter as a phase that made us stronger somehow (sounds cliched even as I type it). Maybe someday I'll let go completely and truly forgive her (and myself) for whatever parts we played....but for now figuring out each day as it comes seems like enough.

To give some context, I think this feeling has been stuck with me for a long time. Three years ago, I ended a relationship that was very important to me, and since then, I’ve noticed that I compare almost everyone I meet to my ex. I know this is something I need to work on because I don’t want to see every new person through the lens of my past. But whenever someone starts treating me differently or becomes more distant, even after saying that things wouldn’t change, I immediately think: “my ex never treated me like this.” You might think, “but he treated you that way because he was your boyfriend, right?” The truth is that he was always kind and consistent with me, even before we started a relationship. He seemed sure about what he wanted, and that gave me a sense of security that I still remember.

Nowadays, I feel like many people struggle with emotional responsibility, and because I’m a sensitive person, I want to learn how to deal with these situations in a healthier and more mature way. I’m not that teenager anymore who felt everything so intensely and acted only based on emotions. I want to understand my own feelings better.

Recently, I started getting closer to someone. Before anything else, we were friends. At first, it was just a friendship where we would watch esports together and then go on with our lives. But after a few months, we became closer and things started to change. We ended up having an intimate night together, and after that, I felt like something changed between us. He said that nothing would change, but it feels like our conversations are not the same anymore. It feels like he doesn’t really want to talk to me anymore, he just replies, and that has started to frustrate me. Part of me wants to disappear before he has the chance to leave first, because I’m afraid of getting attached and ending up hurt. At the same time, I really don’t want to lose this person. I still want to get to know him better and understand who he really is. Something that made me feel insecure was seeing some texts he wrote about past relationships, especially about an ex. After everything that happened that night, I started wondering if I misunderstood the situation or if I’m just overthinking.

We still talk, but it doesn’t feel the same anymore. Sometimes disappearing feels like the easiest way to protect myself, but he has told me before that he didn’t like when I disappeared and that he missed me, I simply told him that I wouldn’t do that again and that I would handle things differently from then on. He understood, and after that, he started acting as if we were already in a relationship. I would wake up to messages like “good morning, my love” and voice messages where he would say my name in the morning.

So idk if I’m seeing things that aren’t there, if my fears are affecting the way I see the situation, or if I should accept that things have really changed.

Would you try to continue the friendship and see what happens, or would you walk away to protect yourself ?

Dealing with passive aggressive people in the workplace is like dancing on eggshells. You never really know when you're going to step wrong and crack one open, revealing underlying tensions and frustrations. My new manager, let's call him 'Tim,' is the epitome of passive aggression. Every interaction is a carefully constructed puzzle filled with indirect jabs and thinly veiled sarcasm that leaves me questioning my sanity! I mean, has anyone else experienced this? 😅 It's like he's read 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck' but got all the wrong messages from it.

Just last week, he sent an email with the subject line: "Great job...sort of." The body of the message praised my work on a recent project but concluded with "too bad it wasn't what we needed." Talk about a backhanded compliment! Venting here because I'm at my wit's end needing some advice or coping strategies. How do you guys handle this kind of behavior? I'm trying to stay professional while not letting his comments seep into my self-esteem. Some say confronting such people is key, yet others warn it might escalate the situation;; Thoughts?

why do i feel like everyone is against me? 🤔 that's the burning question that keeps haunting my thoughts these days. it's been two months since i joined this new job, and honestly, i thought things were going pretty well (at least that's what i assumed). i'm as fast-paced and efficient as they come (not to toot my own horn or anything), but instead of feeling welcomed or appreciated for my speed and efficiency, it's like i'm an outsider among colleagues who seem to be stuck in an ancient time warp where everything moves at a snail's pace!! 😅 before my arrival, they appeared to be doing almost nothing all day long. every task seemed to stretch on endlessly with zero urgency involved, which seemed weird to me at first. i mean... seriously?! i've always tried my best not to step on anyone's toes while working here, hoping we could all coexist peacefully without any drama or tension getting in the way of productivity today at work; however, it felt different from how everything started off initially. sounds crazy right? maybe it's just paranoia setting up camp inside my head convincing me people dislike change especially when someone new shakes things up?? perhaps they're intimidated by the workload suddenly requiring more effort than chilling out twiddling thumbs endlessly gets old eventually too!! truth be told: coming into such environments can sometimes cause ripple effects among teammates resistant towards progressions expecting equal participation fairness equality - you name it friends - sigh fixing conflicts arising team dynamics phase hesitance present fresh perspectives being honestly given doesn't solve matters automatically magically disappear overnight apart subtle adjustments gradual background mutual understanding empathy directed partnerships via stronger communication channels along balancing collective expectations varied paces individual levels ultimately achieve harmonious workspaces where productivity reigns supreme bringing balance unparalleled teamwork enthusiasm reignited allowing less stress heightened morale positivity boost nonetheless 🙌 so here's holding onto hope we find ways meet demands collaboratively creating happier workplace fostering growth both professionally personally despite occasional misunderstandings natural occur over course adjusting settling routines thankfully amazing bosses who've continually supported guided encouraging remain determined focused end goal emerge victorious blending past future propelling unified brighter prospects stemming hardwork dedication regardless temporary odds obstructing path tackling turning weaknesses strengths approaching everyday circumstances renewed optimism smile place confidence outstanding capabilities unfailingly shine 😀

yo so i'm just gonna dive right into this mess: anxiety's a pain and it’s messing with my vision real bad. like you ever feel like your eyes are betraying you? it's crazy, right? here i am thinking everything's cool and then bam, my vision decides to go blurry. feels like my eyes got their own agenda or somethin'. anyone else get that feeling when you're hella stressed out and your body just starts acting up in the weirdest ways? i'm sitting there minding my own business, trying to keep it together then suddenly everything goes outta focus 😒. searching online isn't much help either, mostly just tells me to chill out but how the hell am i supposed to relax when i can't even see straight half the time? ugh.

so what do y'all do bout this kinda stuff cause it's getting annoying as heck! dis stuff makes me wanna scream sometimes for real lol. heard some people saying 'just breathe' or whatever but really? i need more than breathing exercises if i'm stuck staring at a blur all day. why ain't there an easy fix for this crap yet? someone gotta invent glasses that filter out anxiety-induced blurriness or something 😂. seriously tho, anyone know any tips besides chilling out and drinking tea? idk if it's my screen-time messin' with me as well but it's not like i can avoid screens these days ya know? throw some ideas at me folks before i lose it completely.

i don't know why but it's always been like this. working as a financial consultant, i get sent all over the place for different missions every month or so. you'd think i'd be used to it by now. but nope, each new place i go, i find myself getting super attached to the people i meet there.

it's hard because just when i'm starting to really click with folks, it's time for me to pack up and move on to the next assignment. it's like my brain knows it's a temp thing but my heart doesn't get the memo, ya know? i've met so many cool peeps in different cities and worked with them closely on these projects... then bam, it's done and onto somewhere else.

i try to stay professional and keep a boundary of sorts but man, sometimes it just feels like i'm leaving behind friends not just coworkers. makes ending a mission kinda bittersweet even if the job itself is all wrapped up nice and tidy.

i dunno how others do it. they seem to handle this part of the gig way better than i do. maybe they've figured out some secret trick that keeps them from going all in emotionally or something.

Hey!

It's midnight here and I'm unable to sleep though my body is tired, but I just can't fall asleep. I have been thinking about my old self, the person I used to be back in high school. I was an Art student who used to spend most of her time playing with colors and sketch anything she sees like even a little insect lol. I had a very clear goal in my mind that I'll become an art teacher after graduation. Well, life happened and I was losing my soul piece by piece. I lost my parents, a home, caught up in addiction almost on my dead bed and the career that I never able to start.

These memories of mine are keeping me up all night, I would say multiple nights. There's this voice inside of me telling me to pick up my pencil and draw just draw, no matter what just do it. And I'm thinking is it too late to start all over again? Should I listen to the voice? Should I? idk It's been like more than 10 years since I picked up my pencil.

haha after typing my feelings here I feel calm. Nice platform

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone, they say, but for someone like me who has always been battling with a severe lack of self-confidence, this concept feels profoundly daunting. I've often pondered this notion while sitting alone in my room. There's an internal dialogue that happens almost every day as I try to muster up the courage to step outside of my familiar routine and embrace new challenges. However, each time, I'm left grappling with doubts and anxiety that seem to overshadow any attempt at growth. How does one simply find the courage to leap into the unknown when everything inside screams to stay where it's safe?

Despite what everyone preaches about finding oneself beyond familiar boundaries, my attempts have usually ended in perpetual hesitation and second-guessing! It's like there's this invisible barrier holding me back from reaching any form of transcendence that supposedly exists out there. Friends and family encourage me endlessly (saying transformation is just a step away... yeah...) but as much as I want to believe it, fear and apprehension continue to anchor me down.

Yet in those rare instances when I dared slightly step out of my comfort zone... oh how exhilarating it was!!! Moments like speaking up during a team meeting or simply trying a new hobby stretched my limits ever so briefly! But sustaining such bravery? That's where the challenge lies... Maybe such 'beginnings' require not just a deliberate push but consistent effort (and constant reassurance) that once I take that crucial plunge forward again... My life will indeed change for the better?! Until then?! The struggle persists...