Life Stories and Everyday Drama

So, just to give some context I'm the same person from this one: https://iiwiars.com/family-drama/i-hate-myself-and-nothing-that-is-happening-to-me-is-helping

Things aren't going better, I try to concentrate more on the good things than the bad ones but shit still happens way too much. My dad keeps getting angry at my brother, my brother doesn't care about anything and he keeps having these outbursts if things don't go how he plans and he just says he won't do that thing anymore, my mom's tired and I still hate this place.

Some years ago I honestly thought about escaping (tiktok at that time played a part in it too), right now though I don't think that anymore, it's not because I don't want to get the hell out of here but because I just because I can't do it. If I had an option to just teleport to a better family and better place I would right now.

My dad, well from the last post I already said he's not the best, but I feel like now he's getting worse. All he does is get home from work and slouch on the couch using his phone, then saying we are the ones addicted to it when he won't even get up and get off his phone to grab the charger in the other room and instead order us to do it. because yeah, I can't say no, if I do I'll have my phone, tablet and computer blocked because at 15 I still have parental control on all of them (they can see my position, what apps I download, what sites I visit and some things are age restricted or blocked directly). I don't like it and I've tried multiple times to ask them to change it since they say they use it only to look at my position and I give them another app only for that and he says it's not my choice and that as long as they like it then there's no need to change it, he says that if I had nothing to hide then I wouldn't need to change the app. Me or my brother don't eat at dinner or eat little? it's because we had a lot of snacks, even when we haven't had any, and sometimes we're forced to still eat more even though we don't want to, otherwise everything gets blocked. For a period I had my bedroom door taken away because whenever he called me I wouldn't hear because I kept it closed and so he took it off and I didn't know how to put it back on, which is an incredible shitty thing because where's my privacy? well he said "what privacy? it's just your bedroom". this all in the span of some years, like middle school until now. I can't wear some clothes because they're 'only for carnival' (it's alright fashion, goth type of things, nothing that shows ass or boobs, just specific type of jewelry that maybe has bats and spiders or was 'Halloween -like').

Another things that makes me really uncomfortable is the hypocrisy of him. My brother (who's 13) has a female friend that he's close to, they all praise him because he could be having a girlfriend. I have a close male friend and he says he would beat up any boyfriend I'll have. that makes me super uncomfortable because, why can't I have the freedom to get a partner, why can't I just be romantically involved with someone without the fear of being found out? (I never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend and tbh sometimes I think what stops me is in a little part also because of this).

then once I went out with my best friend and her boyfriend and we went around the town in his car, he's responsible and he's had his driving licence for enough to be trusted. but when I told my dad he said to not go in the car again and if I do it again he's gonna go to him and beat him till he bleeds (obviously him still going in his car with my friend and him, just not telling my dad and when I get dropped off, always away from my house).

I cannot swear, I don't mean I can't say incredibly bad swear words, I mean that if I only say 'f*ck' and he hears it he'll get angry. I don't get why? I'm not hurting anyone, I'm not saying it to anyone, I'm not insulting anyone. but he can swear against God (I'm not religious but it's still a swear word, even worse than that) and we cannot say anything about that, he can be racist and homophobic and we can't say shit about that. the only time my brother confronted him about it (I'm way too scared to do it myself that one day he'll just snap and get real angry or get violent, especially because sometimes he threatens to beat us if we don't act good) he answered that he wasn't racist but some (words I'm not going to say) are just all criminals.

I hate this place and sometimes I want them to just get a divorce, but I get scared: what if end up with my dad? what if instead of my mom getting better, she gets worse? what will happen to us?

I just hate it.

Hey so idk if this is just a hormonal feeling but lately it's getting hard for me to talk to my own friends about how I feel. I heard so many times on social media that people's friends are so sick of their friends venting to them. And I'm kinda scared and tbh last time I vented it felt like it got so brushed aside so easily. I feel like I'm being annoying. At school i use to just do stupid things with my friends but after I found out my crush said I was annoying and someone (who's pretty) said I don't stand a chance with them repeatly. Even my dad always said means things to me like being stupid or useless. I got kind of use to his mockery. When he found out I liked them he just said I wasn't good enough for them. I feel like social media is too blame as well but now I feel like I lost confidence in myself and my interest. especially at social events one of my friend's is very social so they usually sit with alot of people and idk how to include myself without feeling suffocated or childish. My problems feel so irrelevant and stupid to others.

But I still want to know how to get rid of this feeling because I feel like I'm pushing my friends away and I really don't want to end up alone.

Hey im lwk here to trauma dump and explain how i feel as someone who is in the process of getting diagnosed with bpd and cptsd.

So I have a extensive past so this may be a long read.

This all started with my uncle and step dad. Mainly my stepdad. He abused me for years I was about 4 when it started and 10 when it stopped thanks to my mum Finaly divorcing him. I'm glad I didn't get beaten by him but he would smack me and shove me around till my ass was brussied and I couldn't sit or lay down from the pain for days or even weeks. I became suicidal at 6 after losing friends and getting abused so often for literally just breathing to loud. Anyway around 7 my uncle gave me bad trauma around alcohol and some drugs he was very high of some very bad drugs dont remember exactly what one's but they where bad. He came home screaming and shouting and hit me and my God mother in the drug fueled rage and police where called. About 6 months later I had to move house from my school and few friends left for the first time. That became a staple I went to 8 schools. The new school was worse I had this one girl beat me black and blue in year 1 or 2 and she was aloud to stay on the playground I wasn't. That fucked up my sense of if you hurt someone that just means your better then them. (Also from my past abuse trauma i assumed it was okay and I was just weak.) Eventually we moved again out of state for a year when I go heavily pushed into Christianity and got touched by a teacher at that school. I was also exposed to porn and sexual content about 2 years earlier and these events made me very hypersexual at just 7/8 years old. At 8 I moved back to the old state. This is where it gets bad i recommend if you are sensitive to rape sexual assault abuse people Getting away with that grooming and more to click away.

We moved to a well know school and moved in with my grandparents. My cousin who was 1 year younger shared a room with me is very important here and will be mentioned soon. At this school it was good other then bulling for a bit and this one boy hunter in year 4 so a year after I moved he would start to touch me grab my ass and tits and thighs which later lead to rape. He was very violent and as I was his best friend I go put alone with him I his rages as I could claim him down.( by letting him touching me) this is also when my cousin mentioned earlier also began raping me. Every night in my own home. The first time I refused he was very mad and the next day at school saw me walk past and tackled me pulling my hair out in chunks and biting me. He moved out around 4-8 months later i dont remember exactly. In year 5 around the time my cousin left I began being closer with this girl hallie. She was extremely. Manipulative abusive and would assault me from time to time. She was a very bad person and gave me most of my trauma even despite hunter my stepdad my uncle and my cousin. She would leave me and come back as I got independent. She tried killing me think I was deathly allergic to something I had a mild reaction to because we had a mutual friend i was talking to.

After that I went to high school where the boy I liked told his older sister and she hated me so proceeded to try sell me a battery acid vape to kill me. This was 4 months after hallie tried. She was friends with this other girl Caitlin who would bash me. 2 .months later I moved schools. I was doing good. Then I got in a relationship with this dude Jason. He was fucked. He would use trauma I had and put his arm around my neck any time I tried to move which he knew was a move hallie would pull. He isolated me and made me completely dependant on him then I split on him once again after he said he never liked me and I broke up with him. I instantly regretted it a begged for him back. He got back with me for 1 day. And proceeded to just give my jumper back and say this isn't gonna work infront of all my friends and my whole class. I ran out crying my friends comfortated me but this sent me into a obsession. For months I would make fake a counts to stalk him I'd beg and bag for him back if get my friends involved. The day he broke up with me my best friend threw Potato wedges or smt at him. Instead of moving on and keeping my best friend I let Jason manipulate me again. He said he would get back with me if I stopped being friends with that friend and hated them. I stopped being friends with them and got in a punch on with them before I realised what happened. I had no boyfriend and ruined my best friendship.i went into a spiral and began dating 16-19 year olds at 13. Getting raped and abused more. This year I became friends with that old friend again. I developed a crush on them and now we have been dating 5 months. Its hard. We both have bpd. We both split. He has did. Some of his alters(maybe most) dont think i have bpd. Fair. Im not like his bpd. I dont show my splits very much anymore. I used to get violent when I did. I dont anymore. I start hating him. It feels like I'm going to do that again. Im scared i will hurt him.

Sometimes all I want to do i murder him. Sometimes him not being here makes me wanna kms. Sometimes being happy is like a manic episode or euphoria. Sometimes sadness feels like I'm going to jump. Anger is murder. Love is unreal and unsafe. The only love I know is abuse rape and manipulation. I dont know if me and him will make it.

I can't be with out him or I cut myself convinced he will leave. Him needing a break because we are literally almost 24/7 feels like a stab in the back. Like he is leaving and he broke up with me. Being with him feels like I'm drowning. I attached to him. His my favourite person and best friend but my enemy and least favourite at the same time. Im living off him but dying with him. I self sabotage I hurt him and test him push him to see if he will leave if he will hate me and I kmow he will soon. Im so disconnected and traumatised that i know he will leave because of it. Im dying with out him but I'm the one pushing him away.

I have identity issues that lead to spirals and episodes.

My relationships are intense and short relating to me splitting and breaking up with them or hurting/ pushing them away. I have rapid painful mood swings that are intense and affect other people aswell.

I make impulsive and frantic decisions to avoid abandonment.

This is only part of my story it would take to long to write the rest but here's the main story.

- me

I'm facing a deep, core financial issue that I can't seem to overcome, no matter how much I try. It feels as if I'm trapped in a loop of problems. It all started with losses in my crypto futures. I think my stress arises less from the fact that I had losses, and more from the guilt trip that I'm putting on myself: that I'm making myself, my family, and my boyfriend poor because of my crypto venture. I know that I should stop, but if I do, I don't know how I'll return the money to myself, my family, and my boyfriend. Sometimes I feel like I should kill myself, but I know I can't. I tried, but my boyfriend cried like hell. My mom almost had a cardiac arrest, and my sister felt horrible after that. Does this mean I have to live with this pain forever, or will I be able to see a ray of hope again and be happy?

Is there any good advice to lose weight but then get really committed to it?

Uhh, lil update about what I texted before, basically my ex girlfriend (let's call her uhh "M") M wasn't the best, she didn't support my choices and thought that she was the only one important in the relationship. She's 11, 2 years younger than me, and she had only 1 week long relationships until I arrived (ours was 1 month and 2 days). Now I understood why. She's a manipulative person and she threatened me to kill herself If I didn't become her boyfriend again. I left her because I was struggling to stay in a long distance relationship and fuck, my mental health had fucked itself, plus i was starting to understand how bad she really was... Now she told me that she s3lf h4rmed and she sent me the pics of it.. and she told me "next time I won't be telling you "tell K I love her" (k is a friend of M and mine) but it will be " hey I'm m's mom.. she c0mmited su1cide... May i know why?"" And well I feel like I did something wrong...

She also told me things that made me look the selfish one that broke the "promise". Yeah, I did promise her that I wasnt gonna leave her, but fuck. We are 11 and 13. What the hell did you expect from it? And now I think I'm the one who deserve to D1e and that should have K1lled h1m s3lf. I already tried it and damn, i should have finished what I was gonna do.. now I keep thinking im the monster who hurted her and almost make her d1e... And same for K becouse she's like a sister to M and she's struggling a lot too, and if M d1es, K d1es too, and what should i do if they do so?.. I hope they won't..

I lost my parents when I was 10 years old. I grew up with toxic relatives who always wish me death. I was a topper in my class, so I always thought that once I graduate I'm gonna find a job and leave all this poison behind and be happy. But God has different plans for me. I almost lost my life when I was in my final years of college due to infection in my lungs and heart. I was under fucking medication for 4 years, I lost my career basically. My partner broke up with me because I can't give birth due to all these side effects of my medication. All the other people I know are living a good life. They have everything I wish for family, career, partner, kids and a place to call home. I have been depressed all my life but for the past few days I feel like giving up. idk what to do anymore...........

Well I'm a strong lady so I think I will keep on living :)

I have had this weird feeling for a few years now, but I kinda disregarded it bc idk it doesn't feel like much, but its honestly kinda unbearable. Its like I feel like sad and depressed inside but I cant like feel it besides this pit in my stomach and tightness in my throat. Its like the emotions are stuck and I cant just feel them and get them over with like I do with other ones. idk if its leftover from a few years ago, but I hate it so much because its not enough of a bad feeling that I give myself grace, but I deffinetly don't feel happy or calm or even nutural. I just want to feel sad or happy not this weird in between where I cant feel anything.

Hello. I lost my pet pig almost a year ago and am still dealing with feelings of regret and guilt, as well as loss. He was the closest thing I could call a child and a big part of my life for three years.

He was sickly a few times before he died, with loss of appetite and energy. I took him to both a clinic and got a vet to look at him, but didn’t get a lot of answers and was just told to try to feed him. So I did, and most of the times he got better, but then got sick again.

Then he one day after getting a lot better (I thought) got REALLY sick and I panicked since I was sure he was dying. I still lived with my parents then, but they weren’t as panicked as me and said they would help me take him to a clinic in the morning. The vet on call (night shift) also said we probably could wait till the morning. It was Sunday night and I was thinking more about the money than I now wish I did. He died after a few hours of me trying to keep him warm.

I am now learning after researching what I think was his cause of death, that I could have saved him if I gave him early treatment. And pretty easily at that. That has been haunting me since he died, and I can not stop feeling like a horrible human being, and selfish person that cared more about the money than take him to a clinic again after a unhelpful experience.

I felt like I was dying the first week and literally could not sleep because I was crying so much and saw him every time I closed my eyes. I still cry when I see his photos, and more than anything feel like it’s my fault that he died, and that he would have had it better if someone else was his owner.

I’m mostly here to vent, since I don’t really feel like I have anyone to talk about this with. It’s my first time using this site, so I don’t know if this is the correct way to post. If anyone has some tips for getting over mostly the guilt, I would appreciate it. Thank you for reading.

I feel whenever someone in a movie grows up, they always leave their parents to be independent, and most of the time, they leave their old parents in senior homes because they hate them for being senile. I may not be an adult nor is my mother senile, but she's sure as hell probably a liar! Mom only did this because she noticed I was lonely in and out of school. You know what she could've done to make me for tougher? She shouldn't have been my friend, she should've left me there in my own thoughts so I can finally be independent. It's how dad survived school! He failed, he learnt it the hard way, and he's fine! She should fuck herself for even thinking that! Nobody's friends with their moms, they all hate their moms! It's what movies say. Plus, mom may not smother me with love by hugging and kissing me a lot, she may not over-compliment me, nor would she come to school with me, but she will soon. She will soon! Movies say it'll happen! Her listening more to me because I'm alone with no friends? Please, she should match my kind of honesty, she should tell me how friendless I am and how stupid I am for even caring about them, like every good parent on movies. Isn't it how military men get sturdier? I should've sent her the message, "Moomy, stop calling yourself my friend. It embarrasses me and I need you to be my parent, not my buddy. I’m not negotiating this. Respect the boundary. For you to be my parent, keep distance from me, like dad. Dad doesn’t see me as powerful, so you shouldn’t feel the same way either." What I said is normal. Movies say it, people online say it, successful people say it, they leave their family behind. It's all normal. Plus, it'll benefit me a lot. I heard it will! It'll make me more independent and brave! Everyone leave their parents, right? f I tell her she's horrid, simply because the movies say so, I'll be fine, according to the movies! Who has their mom as their best friend? Only toddlers do! Nowadays I see all girls my age go on their own out to malls with their friends. Meanwhile I hang out with my family like an idiot and I'm usually with my brother and mom! What if one of my classmates see me while they hang out with their friends in some mall in the future, because I lack friends? They'll think I'm weird, right? I should be independent, not parent-relied! I should be asking them for money so I can buy things on my own, not with mom and my brother! They said friends are good to have. So, if that's the case, the longer I'm alone and with mom, I'll be depressed, get a heart attack and die! Meanwhile all my classmates have groups and so does my grade, I'm one of the odd ones out with no one! And guess what, I'll die at 30 for that reason, again, like movies! All movies from 2000s show that when you hit 30 and still haven't achieved the list of being pretty, not fat (I'm 5'4", so I should REMAIN 45kg, from 13-30), you aren't dating anyone and you don't have friends, and you work in a lame job like engineering, you're gonna either die of depression or die from obesity from being 56kg! That's fat! Point is, mom's a fucking liar. I know she's been in many hardships, her parents divorced, financial issues, she couldn't have her dream job of being a doctor (she's an engineer now), yet she's never vented, because she's always been positive? That's some anime BS where the main guy says that! BS! I'm not digging a hole, am I? I'm telling the truth. Cynicism and hopelessness works because I'm not chasing fake happiness, I'm seeking the real truth. Again, it's embarrassing I'm having a "friendship" with my Moomy and not another person from class! Who even does that now? I don't even know anyone online! She's lying! My mom, being the idiotic bitch she is, even said, "You can be happy, without friends! Look at me!" You married dad, wasn't he your friend earlier?! He may have been in one of the longest situation-ships I've ever seen (seriously, they lived in different countries for a while before meeting more and finally agreeing somehow to fall in love and they somehow didn't break up after 16 years). She may not have office-friends that she meets all the time, but she sometimes chats with them. Fuck that ugly bitch of a woman. She's a lying whore! Always lies about life! Guess what, good thing I have plans to get myself an arranged marriage at 20, it's more stable. I even hate it when people say "Hatred kills the owner, not the person the owner hates". Again, that's nonsense! I can use my anger and channel it into a life plan. When I turn 20, I'll ask my parents to arrange a marriage with some random guy, then I can do plastic surgery to look cuter, I will do brain surgery to stop having that gut feeling of thinking mom's trying really hard and I love her, because logic ALWAYS outweighs emotion, and me and my husband will take photos of us only happy together and post it on Instagram to look cute and cuddly! Doesn't every child torch the bond with their parents? Don't they all leave their old parents to die alone in an old shelter because they hate taking care of them. They're normal. Right? So, for me to set boundaries, I have to leave her behind and hate her forever. That's maturity and independence, right? I heard doing all those things are good for the child, hating and leaving your parent, because you learn to be independent and amazing. My brain telling me, "This is the same feeling girls get over their exes, it'll be fine, sugar. Stop loving your mom, she's clearly not for you. In fact, hate her." Like it's an old lady with a Jersey accent. Even if my heart deep down feels like this is more accurate and that she loves me, and she tries very hard to be a good lady and she has helped sometimes, my brain tells me it's false and a farce. Maybe my brain is correct. Isn't everyone's brain the most logical organ? Why should I care if my heart cries whenever I deny that she's trying really hard and she makes me happy because she's my mom who listens and says it's at least a good idea to tell her, because she didn't beat me or treat me worse afterwards? Who cares? My brain should be the leader. Why does my heart keep telling me mom is a great lady instead? Why does it say, "You're sounding so mean, she actually loves you so much. Please, she also tries, and you actually enjoy being with her." My brain should be the one to tell me the truth. My heart's a liar and a cheat. Even if I do something I love because my heart asks for it, and even speak to mom, I should only listen to my head. Just why? Why is my other part telling me that? To care for Moomy, because in the end, she'll never leave you like a toy on the road. It's all fucking crazy! She's a liar and my love for her needs to be removed!

i know this isnt a bigdeal but please just i need someone to talk to about this

Today my mom took me and my younger sister to the dentist, my appointment was covered by my insurance/dental plan/ whatever you call it and unfortunately my little sisters wasn't. my mom treated us to food and stuff before which is kind of a tradition of ours, eat a good meal before getting your teeth cleaned, it's fun. But after we were done with our appointment my mom hadn't realized that the people at the dentist had added more things onto my sisters tooth cleaning appointment (like xrays and whatnot) and the cost came up to 500$, my mom was upset but tried to make the best of it by reminding my little sister that she cares alot about her tooth health because alot of my mothers family is unfortunately on the poorer end and their teeth are horrible because they cant afford to go to the dentist, and she was just saying that she was happy to see my little sister be cleaned. Then my little sister for no reason started getting mad at her, saying that she wasted her time because her teeth were perfectly fine anyways and getting all pissy over having to even go? which I thought was strange because she was the one who wanted to come, and was insiting on getting food and finding a place to go and my poor mother was trying still to make the best out of it but my younger sister continued to be rude to her for no reason, and this time she was laughing and i genuinley got upset but my mom just brushed it off... (sisters 16 btw). After this our mom wanted to spend some time at us at winners cause we had to pick up my twin sister, and she was talking about how excited she was to spend time with us cause its been forever and shes grateful like we agreed to spend time with her, and the minute we step out of the car my little sisters like "Im going to the toy section at walmart" and my mom was like "Oh are you sure?" then again, she was rude and completely dismissed my mother... i came to walmart with her to supervise her purchases and she went to the toy section and was trying to be some expensive monster high dolls, i told her not to spend to much money because we already spent ALOT today for her teeth and for food. she ignored me, and insisted on buying the toys. then texted my mom who said no. i tried to get her to buy a seven dollar calico critter blindbox thing, she was onboard till she saw the LPS toys and completely dismissed me. I continued to try and be nice to her because my little sister pointedly likes my twin much more then me, and out of desperation to form a better bond with her i didnt speak up anymore, but i kept inisting on buying something cheaper. Overall when we went to winners she was more relaxed cause she got what she wanted, me and my mom searched the racks, it was fun. then me and my mom went to buy food for my twin because she was coming out of her work, first day btw, it was like the entrance thing. My little sister kept telling us that we shouldnt because we would be wrong to buy her food without letting her choose, but i insited i knew what she would like to eat because she is my twin, and i chose right cause my twin was thankful that we brought her food when we came to get her.

But even my twin was being horrible to my mom, I get everyone was tired but it was genuinley so rude i was astonished. after finding out that my twin landed the job my mom expressed her concerns about her working around men, not that she was against them or anything, but my sisters job would require her to be in private spaces alone with unknown strangers for awhile. So my mom, in intent to enlighten my twin of the harm that could potentially come her way from not being careful started telling her story about how someone tried to spike her drink in her workspace (Well actually did)... and my twin and sister laugh? they laugh in her face? and i got mad, but i didnt want them to be upset with me so i said "guys she just told you a literal traumatic event that happened to her?" and my twin said "yeah yeah ive heard it before?" .... and my mom got upset and was like "life isnt lala land you need to understand that people have bad intentions and keep yourself safe" and they continued to make fun of her I cant even write what they said without it making me so mad. She asked for a life 360, and i convinced my twin to get on board with it.. JUST SO YOU KNOW, my mom is not a control freak at all, she just worries for us which is fair. we get home and im already upset, im helping my mom with the things we purchased in the car, helping her bring them upstairs and away, and then i come to my room exhausted from the long day and my twin and sister are there. And the first thing my twin does is demand me to grab my moms credit card to pay for the tarrif she got on a package. After all that disrespect in the car you just expect me to steal her card to spend it without her permission? I said to wait till i change into my pyjamas, i change my shirt and return to my room for some pyjama pants, and there she is again demanding me to grab the card. I say no, and she gets mad. She says and i quote "I have the page open for the payment already, just go grab it i only need to type in the numbers"?? this made me super upset i gave her some snarky comment and go to ask my mom for the card and she gets mad. WHICH IS FAIR. shes upset at my twin because my twin has spent money on her card for months without her knolwedge or permission, then my twin will yell at her when shes caught and ultimately play the victim despite the fact that she actively steals hundreds of dollars from my mom every month. I manage to calm my mom down, and make a deal that my sister wont spend anymore money on her card just let her pay for the tarrifs because it was me and my twins birthday gift... my mom leaves and my sister calls her crazy unreasonable and controlive. and i got mad. but i gently suggested that we should consider how she feels because shes spent so much money today and she probably dosent like knowing she has to pay a 40 dollar tarriff on a package that was ordered against her will. and my twin was now fuming despite the fact that her and my sister were in my room without my permission and were now using my tv. to appease them i let them use my tv, i made some playful comments about the show because my little sister was making a take and she had some flawed knowledge, i corrected her and got hit, like hard. I told her "that was to far, and seriously dont do that again." and she got so mad at me and told me to stop tryna act like a parent and that it wasnt a big deal. IT wouldve been funny if it was a playful hit but that was pure malice...

I love my mom so much, and my sisters being so blatantly rude and dismissive really hurts me. it also makes me upset because these guys are always preaching being kind and understanding why people do certain things, but apparently these ideas only apply to them. I know this isnt really a big deal but today I was just so frusterated, my sisters are typically much more rude to me but seeing them be so mean to my mother then have the audacity to sit there and think theyre justified in the matter makes me so mad.

sorry if the grammar is horrible i have a pounding headache and i just wanna dump this somewhere before i go to sleep

so I just like kicked my friend's chair FOR FUN AS A JOKE I may add, and he turned around and said "Hey, don't hit me WOMAN" and I gave him a warning look and he said "Yeah, I said it!" and the teacher came over (shes w btw) and asked what was going on and my "friend" said "well SHE kicked the back of my chair and because they don't like being called a woman I called HER a SHE" and now I don't even want to be in the same room as him help me

imagine this scenario:

a teenager, he is a student, isolated from the world around him. he longs to connect with people, but circumstances have built walls he cannot climb. his school is far away, his family rarely interacts with neighbors, and his parents, being reserved and socially withdrawn, have little connection with society. he is not allowed to leave home without permission, nor to use social media. layer upon layer, these restrictions have shaped his solitude, turning what once felt like temporary boundaries into a permanent way of life.

deep down, he wants friends. he wants to belong. but fear holds him back, fear of choosing the wrong people, of being hurt, of not fitting in. he overthinks every possible interaction until the courage to act fades away. so, despite his longing, he rarely tries. instead, he watches life from the sidelines, silently hoping someone might notice him first.

there is, however, one thing that makes him feel less alone, zubeen garg. he has known zubeen’s voice since childhood, growing up with his songs woven into the background of his days, until that voice became something deeply familiar, almost like the sound of home. to him, zubeen isn’t just a distant celebrity but someone who feels close, his voice feels familiar, comforting, almost like part of his own family. when he listens to those songs, a quiet warmth rises within him, reminding him that he is assamese, part of a culture and a crowd that come alive together in zubeen’s music. watching people sing in unison at concerts makes him feel, even from afar, that he too belongs somewhere. and it isn’t a forced attachment, he genuinely loves the music, its emotion, honesty, and life. in a world where everything else feels cold and unreachable, zubeen garg’s voice is the one familiar sound that still makes him feel at home.

he had once had a girlfriend who seemed like she had stepped right out of his imagination. shy yet confident, cute, tall, caring, honest, loyal, and genuinely in love with him without a trace of resentment or immaturity. she was everything he thought he deserved, yet he rejected himself. how could someone like him, so flawed and insecure, ever be worthy of her? in his mind, she was perfect, and he was far from it. part of him felt blessed to have had her in his life, a glimpse of what happiness could look like, and yet the same thought made him feel unbearably unlucky. he didn’t want to make her life harder or bring his own imperfections into hers, so he quietly stepped back, no messages, no calls, no meets, but it wasn’t a breakup. he told her he would meet her again someday, when he had become the person he believed she deserved. until then, he stepped away from her life, carrying both gratitude and regret. if he becomes better, he might return; if not, he will watch from afar, silently wishing her the best.

physically, he believes himself weak, and to some extent, he’s right. he always wanted to be the kind of person who’s strong, fit, and good at sports, the version of himself he wishes he could become. but every school sports day reminds him how far he is from that image. each time he falls behind, it’s not the loss that hurts most, but the feeling of failing himself. he looks at others and wonders why he can’t be like them, fast, confident, effortless. every time he comes up short, the gap between who he is and who he wants to be feels wider, and that disappointment slowly turns into self-criticism.

no one validates him. he has no one to confide in, no one to truly understand what he feels. during social events, his insecurities rise to the surface. surrounded by others, he feels invisible, as if his presence makes no difference. even laughter and conversation around him seem to happen on a frequency he can’t tune into. in those moments, he doesn’t just feel left out; he feels erased.

he often finds himself questioning his own emotions. Are they real, or just the product of overthinking? is he being foolish, or is this the long-suppressed voice of his inner child, quietly crying for attention after years of being ignored? sometimes he wonders if the pain he feels is even valid, or if he’s imagining it all. he’s trapped in a loop of doubt, because no one has ever truly listened, and he’s never been given a chance to make sense of himself in the eyes of another.

he tells himself he deserves a normal life, as if the one he lives doesn’t count as one. constant worry consumes him: what will his future look like? he knows his current habits aren’t leading him toward his goals, becoming a doctor, earning respect, finding belonging, yet he feels powerless to change them.

he sees his dreams as distant fantasies, not possibilities. that thought terrifies him. he feels unlucky, unlucky to be so isolated, unlucky to have grown up in such circumstances, with these parents, this family, this school. and yet, beneath all that hopelessness, a faint spark remains, a small, stubborn belief that maybe, one day, life could still be different.

in his quiet moments, he isn’t just lonely, he feels forgotten by the world, as though he exists on the edges of everyone else’s story.

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hello everyone, i wanted to share a part of my life with you. i’ve tried my best to express it clearly and honestly. thank you for taking the time to read, i would truly appreciate any thoughts or comments. and if any part of this story feels relatable to you, i’d love for you to share your own story too.

whywhywhywhy

they hurt me but I don't know if its worth it to hold on to the anger. I don't really need to hate them anymore. so what do I do.

So I'm 15, my brother is 13. He's a major asshole. His first problem is that he never listens, I tell him something and he'd insult me but not listen even if it's genuinely good advice or I told him caring about him. I know at my age I haven't lived the world yet, but I can help him with some things. The second thing is that he always argues, he acts like all he does is not his fault. He doesn't study, not his fault. He does something stupid or harmful, not his fault. and when he gets scolded he doesn't give a fuck. Today he literally gave us all a heart attack, basically he gets out of school at 2 pm, he should've been home max at 2:20, instead while we were trying to find him everywhere on the road from school to home, contacting his classmates and friends, apparently he was bringing his friend home (who literally lives on the complete other side of the town) and he arrived home at 3 pm. Apparently his bike broke (not broke but the chain wasn't working) and he didn't bother trying to contact anyone. And now after getting a big ass scolding from my mom and literally her saying she was so fucking worried, he just kept rolling his eyes and not caring. He didn't accept on taking his phone to school just in case, so now he cannot even accompany his friends. And now this evening I'll have to hear him getting scolded and him not giving a fuck again.

I don't wanna hear any shit saying "oh but he's still growing, he's a teen." well I'm a teen too, all my friends are teens too, and none of us ever did this shit. How can someone be so selfish and such a dickhead? I always say this, he's been raised as the main character and way too cared for. I just don't get it, I wasn't this shitty at 13.