Life Stories and Everyday Drama

my sister (nickname Lily) grew up perfectly- perfect hair, perfect friends, perfect grades. I'm the youngest and my life is anything but perfect. My friends are dodgy, I'm awkward and literally no one at school likes me properly. She just got in to one of the most prestigious universities and i feel like if i don't do something like that i'll just be a dissapointment.

Me and my friend (nickname Poppy) were very close friends but she started saying mean things. we were in the same dance class together and I approached her. I tried talking until she told me to shut up. so i did. i left the dance class and she didn't even notice. when my mum picked me up, i told her everything. she said how i should ignore her, but i'm not very good at that. especially since we were eachothers bffs and only sat with eachother so i felt bad. Eventually I had to go to her birthday party. that was the final straw. I walked in and her friend showed mugs of me that she was sent by "Poppy". I secretley texted my dad to come and pick me up. My girlfriend was also coming and Poppy wanted us to play spin the bottle. She said whoever it was we had to kiss them. I didn't feel comfortable kissing someone who wasn't my girlfriend, especially seeing as she wasn't there because she couldn't make it but her cousin was there.

I’m 31 and I’ve been married for 5 years, and lately I keep hearing from my mom that my husband is a narcissist. I don’t know what to think anymore because sometimes he does things that feel so selfish and cold, but then other times he acts normal and I get confused if maybe I’m just overthinking. For example, he never asks how my day was unless I bring it up first, and even then he just nods or changes the subject back to him. When I got a promotion at work last year, instead of congratulating me he said, “Well, don’t get cocky, it’s not a big deal.” That really stung because I had worked so hard for it. Another time, we were at dinner with friends and I was telling a story, and he cut me off to correct a small detail in front of everyone. It embarrassed me and made me feel like a child. My mom insists this is all classic narcissist behavior, that he always needs to be the center of attention and can’t let me have my moments, but I don’t know if it’s that deep or just him being insensitive. He also gets very defensive if I bring up anything about his attitude, like I’m attacking him, and then somehow it turns into me apologizing even when I was just trying to talk. When we had a fight about money, he said I was “lucky” he even pays most of the bills, even though I contribute a lot too. Sometimes he even makes me feel guilty for needing help around the house, like laundry or dishes, as if asking for equal effort makes me needy. These things pile up and make me wonder if this is who he really is, or if I’m just listening too much to my mom’s voice in my head.

But then again, he isn’t always cruel. He buys me flowers once in a while, he takes me out for dinner on my birthday, and when his family visits he’s polite and attentive, so I keep asking myself if maybe I’m just being too critical. I think what really confuses me is how he can seem so charming to other people, but with me it’s like I get the short end of the stick; is that how narcissists usually are? He’ll brag about my career to his friends but in private tell me I’m not ambitious enough. He’ll post a nice picture of us online but then mock my outfit before we even leave the house. He says I’m too sensitive and need to toughen up, but it feels like he’s dismissing me instead of listening. Sometimes I question myself, like maybe I’m the one with unrealistic expectations. But then when I talk to my mom, she makes it sound black and white: he’s a narcissist, end of story. Still, I don’t want to throw around labels without being sure. I feel trapped between wanting to defend him and wanting to finally admit he might not be good for me. Has anyone else been in this kind of situation? How do you really know if someone is a narcissist or if they’re just flawed in ways that hurt you sometimes? I keep going back and forth in my head, doubting everything, and I wonder if that in itself is part of the problem.

I’ve noticed that people these days, including myself, are glued to their phones. Most of the time, I use my phone unnecessarily—scrolling or watching things even when there’s nothing important to text about or nothing meaningful I want to learn. I understand that people have FOMO and don’t want to feel cut off from society, but for that, I don’t think it’s necessary to stay updated on every single trend on Instagram or social media in general. Knowing all the latest trends doesn’t really improve the quality of my life.

Yes, some people might make fun of me for not being aware of “obvious” trends, but I don’t see the need to follow them. At the same time, I don’t want to completely isolate myself either. For that reason, I’ve decided to limit myself to using Instagram for just 15 minutes a day, or using Pinterest occasionally for inspiration.

The internet feels overwhelming at times—it’s endless. There’s always new content to consume, and you can never really “finish” it. In contrast, I only truly felt alive during the days when phones existed without internet. Back then, the phone itself was an incredible gadget: it had a camera, photos, videos, offline games, songs, and maybe a few downloaded YouTube videos. Once I finished watching those videos, I had to rewatch the same ones, and eventually the phone felt boring. I would play the same simple offline games until I got tired of them.

Even the old Nokia phones were better in some ways. They were extremely simple—sometimes boring—but memorable. I remember playing Snake on them. At the time it felt boring, but when I look back now, those days feel good. When I was outside waiting for someone, I didn’t feel the urge to look at my phone because it didn’t have much to offer. Instead, I started noticing my environment, and those moments stayed in my memory.

On the other hand, if you showed me a reel I watched just a month ago, I probably wouldn’t even recognize it. It would feel like something completely new. That’s the difference: the older experiences stuck, while today’s constant scrolling doesn’t.

What I really want is to go back to that earlier feeling—the simplicity, the boredom, the presence—that made life feel more real.

Have you ever wonder what is like to be supported by parents? How they rather be concern about how you feel and not complain or disappointed by the results of the expectations? How they show comfort and understanding for the negativ expectation, and not talking discipline while disappointed over your hard work? Would you rather end the pain or suffer to meet their expectations?

How painful that is. Living in an asian household where parents itself been raised with strict discipline, and we were next victim to it. 20 years of my life, because of this prinsipp of parenting style, it's the reason why i am emotional unstable. No matter how much i really dont want to cry, criticsme i get from other, yelling about my wrongness and anxiety i get, it's the reason why i became.

I am a shy, introverted, social anxious and "keep everything to myself" kinda person. When i learn that i have failed my exam by the second time, i knew what will happend. I knew that they will be disappointed. I knew they will give me the criticsme. I knew they won't give me comfort. And yet.... i was hoping for it for some reason, that they will understand. That they will hug me, help me, comfort me. I hold the result to myself and try to mentally prepare for it. I overthink a lot when i'm anxious and in pain. It's like it slowly turn spiral and give me emotional pain constantly.

I really don't want to think about it, but i can't. When the time to tell my parents, i was in so much emotional pain. Constant scenario played in my head and anxiety grows more and more.

........... I told them ........... What was i hoping again? ............. They are asian, why would i think there would be hope?

I shouldn't expect anything from them. They were disappointed. They were critisme me. They discipline me. "Don't do this, don't do that. Do that and do this. Do better, think better, plan better". Constantly sighing. There were no feeling of comfort. Nor concern. Nor care. There were so much disappointed in their tone, their eyes, their behaviour. It was so painful. Did they ask how i felt? Did they say "It's ok"? Did they comfort by telling me how hard work i tried? Did they gave me hugs? Did they show understanding?...............................

Seriously what did i hope for again?!

Been emotional unstable means for me that i would get emotional, cry when they yell, discipline and misunderstand me angry. "Stay strong" they said. "Criticsme is nothing to cry for" they said. "Crying help nothing" they said. When something like failing exam is a huge disappointment for me and all my hard work for nothing, is painful to think. Why would i not cry? When its hurtful for my sister, why did she get comfort and not me? When she failed the first time, why is it ok for her and not me? Why wouldn't you discipline her?

I couldn't help feeling even more pain.

I really want to complain about their behaviours, but what can i do? Growing up, whenever i speak calm or screaming it's not me, or trying to clear the misunderstanding they have of me, or talking bout how i feel and try to have a conversation, they always turn it into me lying and me not understanding. "Fight back" they said. "Don't let them talk down on you" they said. "Talk back if they wrong you" they said. But when i do, why do they yell and call me lying? When i'm trying to clear their misunderstanding and everything, why are they yelling at me and pointing at me like i'm still in the wrong no matter what?

I learn that no matter what i say, they just turn it against me, pointed wrong in me, using their emotion and "we want the best for you" against me. I never win. What is he point of fighting my right when they just stubbornly point wrong in me?

They always wonder why i never tell them things. I wonder ........ what is the point? No wonder i'm shutting them out.

They mostly don't care about emotion, but results of the expectations.

For now, there is nothing in my heart except for pain. I know later the pain will grow more and more.

...............................................................

What i would say if i could?

"Why would you not comfort me? You know i work so hard and how the exam was so hard, why wouldn't try to comfort me? Why must you always discipline me? I knew you would discipline me, this is why i really don't want to tell you anything! You kept saying how you want the best for me or how you know me! NEWS FLASH! You don't know how i am! How my body is or how my mind is! You don't even know i have social anxiety or stress or other anxiety! You don't know my mental state! I want to know my mental state! Do i have adhd? Depression? Mental unstable? Anxiety? Hypersomnia? I litterly have to diagnose myself for this. You complain constantly i slept too much, i am slow, i cant do shit, how dumb i am. Have you ever consider my mental state is different than you? I sleep long cause my mental state need 10 hours sleep to keep my brain going. I do slow cuz my brain can't get all information all at once while i overthink spiral. I can't do right cuz you only see my wrong. I am not dumb, i am just average and my brain can't handle too much stuff to remember. And yet you never consider to understand me nor to ask about it!

Why won't you comfort me? Why won't you tell me everything is ok? you work hard? you did your best? you tried? Why must you give me pain...?"

Hey, it's me. I have a question for you all. Well, a few ones, because I soon realized I'm a very deep empath and I love flagellating myself when I feel bad for someone (not literally), and today my YouTube's been popping up with people who experience autism. Folks like @Kaelynnism on YT really helped, and while you folks probably watch her too sometimes (or don't, I don't know, I'm stupid), it really helped me see from their POV. And I feel like garbage. I'm not diagnosed with anything, besides eczema but that's not really a mental illness, is it? But I can't help but feel terrible knowing the different experiences of you guys and how sometimes very sensitive you are to things. I feel like even if I BREATHE wrong you'll get mad, and it's my fault. That's why I got some questions.

For one thing, how bad are your triggers to sound, touch, taste, smell and atmosphere? Because I know a lot of you all mask up and pretend everything's fine, when really I should be doing that because it's sad when you do it. Another one, how bad can meltdowns get, so whenever I encounter someone who is, I should run away or comfort them by shutting up? Should I always agree to your rules or habits, even if I feel bad about some of them because to you they're right and I may hurt your feelings for asking you to not do it? Should I always nod and say yes to you even when I have no idea of your niche interests, and should I never tell you mine because they're not niche enough like yours? Should I always stay quiet when I'm with you? and when you're being too blunt I should take it in, even if it hurts? When you feel pain, should I forget mine? When you tell me or do something hurtful, should I excuse you because you're mentally ill? I'm not asking this with malice, I'm asking because I feel like a prick for even having a neurotypical brain and breathing.

I have always been more of a quiet person. I used to have a really tough time speaking up. I have gotten better about it though these last few years. I don't always have something to say, but I'm not afraid of talking anymore. because of this i have been able to make more friends and feel a little bit less out of place. but lately I can't stop feeling like nobody really cares about me. they would never really notice if I was gone. people forget to invite me to events, they never think about me as an option for activities or relationships. no one has ever asked me out or for my number or anything. I realize that most of this i have done to myself by being more of a reserved person. but it still hurts. I have my friends, but nobody ever texts me or asks me to hang out. I just feel like nobody cares about me and it really hurts.

Hello. My english isn't that good and I don't know where to start so I'm sorry if this sounds confusing but I just really need to let it out my heart

My dad told me that school will be starting in 6 days. I'm nervous?

In my whole years of living, Ive only went to school for 2 years but that stopped when I was 12. Ever since then I haven't went due to stupid idiotic reasons. Reason number one being I was too anxious because the whole thing was new to me. I wasn't used to people I was only used to my family. Reason number 2 was because I didn't want to waste money

When I go, it'll be my first time actually meeting people my age. Or actually meeting anyone other than my family in years. Yeah I go out but I'm not allowed to go out alone so I rarely ever speak to anyone other than my family and it's always going out to the same places constantly, I'm grateful but you can imagine the boredom.

I just look really bad right now. In 2024 I was really miserable so I kept eating so much and now I gained so much weight. I planned to lose it and prepare myself for school with studying at home but I was too busying being an idiot, too busy being miserable. I told myself so many times "Ill start tomorrow" without realizing the day is so close

I know looks don't matter, I'm just really insecure because of the way people have treated me my whole life just based on my weight.

I can read pretty well but I'm so slow at it so I'm nervous at starting school

I'm not blaming my dad but sometimes.. I wish he actually warned. Actually taught me, instead of just throwing the decision to go to school on a 12 year old who doesn't know anything but "I feel anxious" again I'm not blaming my dad. This is my fault

I can't help but wonder what's the point of going? I'm 16. I don't really see the point in me going to school now to study a grade that isn't even for my age. And I never will get to the grade my age should be in and it breaks my heart, never having any normal school experiences, or any nice experience. Other than reading my favorite webcomics and watching cartoons. I keep seeing such cool and awesome teenagers having fun together and I can't get that. The only thing I get is my father telling me "too late to be like the girls your age now". The only thing I find comfort in is pathetic which is the character " Steven universe" because I feel like me and him are alike in many things. Like when someone asked him what grade he was in and he said "16th...?" Because he didn't know what to say other than his age. But he's just a character. I'm stuck in my own fantasy world to escape the truth about reality and I'm stuck in it everyday imagining mage stories and that's really the only thing keeping me happy but the happiness feels off. I know I can just "get up" and get my life in order. I'm aware that time doesn't stop for anyone and I'm aware that me just pacing around my room for hours everyday being upset won't do me any good but I just can't help it. I really can't help it

Anyway, just because I don't see the point in me going to school doesn't mean I won't go. I'm still gonna go because what else can I do? I'm just going to study, go to school, do what is needed to do and that's all.

I'll still feel my heart break whenever I remember the days when I would stay at home changing diapers and cleaning while my siblings came back from school talking about their friends. I'll still feel resentment about how I'm expected to act like an adult meanwhile my siblings get to have a normal life with no expectations of acting like a mother or a housewife or a aunt or an adult

Theres really nothing remarkable about my life. It's just the same day constantly

But that's just life and there's nothing I can do about it no matter how hard I try to think of a solution I can't

But it's okay. I haven't even lived 2 decades yet there's still time and I'll still keep my head up and study

And yes I know this is all my fault. I'm very very aware, this isn't meant to blame my dad or anyone else. Im just talking about my feelings to let them out

i don't know why its always me who is not enough for anyone , every time when i am only trying to protect other they just turn on me and call me selfish , arrogant , inhuman , emotionless and some of them i just forgot . tomorrow is my birthday and today here i am ranting all this simply because i don't have anyone to tell its not like i don't want someone special its just that my way of showing love is different being elder daughter they had always told me to look out for the family and that i have to be the strongest one and that i have to take care of everyone , but no one ever asked me that do i really want all this i mean i was just a kid when i was told to make sacrifices for my younger sibling and whenever my family is facing any financial issue they just ask me to understand and don't ask for anything but on the other hand let my younger sibling have everything just because he was a kid never thought about me i was also a kid , finally i got one person who claimed that he loved me and foolish me i believed him , giving everything and expecting only love and to be looked after and needed someone who can say just be yourself i was just a baby Infront of him , i completely forget myself but that elderly instinct never left me , don't show too much emotions and there is no such thing as depression always makes a loud noise inside me i was handling everything believing that soon it will be over but the one thing that got over was his love for me , he left me and told me that he will never come back i started college moving on in my second year he came back begging me to give him chance and dumb me i gave in , 5 years and when i was ready to tell my parents he left again with same excuse that i was not made for love , today my younger brother came home drunk i didn't have any excuse to save him and he made a seen calling me the traitor and telling me that he is cutting ties with me , i have always protected him taking his blames on me and today he told me this i was worried that he was out alone so i called his frnds and he called me and told me to mind my own business . this was my birthday gift from my family to me , the worse part is my mother told me that i don't have sense of talking and that i should not talk , i tried committing suicide but failed , tried telling my frnds but they just laugh it off . sorry if i had written alot forgive me as there was no one i can share all this and just for a moment i felt relief

growing up in a very religious family, I've always been taught certain absolutes about what is right and wrong. these beliefs have shaped much of who I am today. but at 23, as a guy without a girlfriend and a level of shyness that could win awards, I sometimes find myself seeking solace and, dare I say, curiosity-driven exploration in places that might be frowned upon by my family: porn. and it brings me to the question that's been gnawing at the back of my mind — is it normal to indulge in this digital world of fantasies?

I mean, don't get me wrong. it's not like I'm spending every waking moment glued to my screen, but occasionally, when my confidence hits rock bottom, or the loneliness starts creeping in for the night, I find myself clicking on these explicit videos. as someone who's always struggled to talk to women, let alone date one, it's like my mind is trying to experience something through the lens of another world where anxiety doesn't exist. i'd often sit back, thinking if this habit was a way to fill the void of interactions I long for. i read somewhere that watching porn might be a substitute for real relationships, but is it really?

sometimes, at midnight, after another epic fail trying to chat up a girl in a local coffee shop or bookstore (where, for some reason, I think I'll bump into someone who shares my obscure love for vintage comics), I'd ponder if my upbringing has something to do with my romantic bumbling. as somebody who hails from a community where discussions about sexual desires are as welcome as vegan steak at a barbecue, these threads draw me in like a moth to a flame. wondering if my curiosity is misplaced or if I'm just a typical guy trying to navigate life's labyrinthine web, I sometimes wonder if there might even be others out there, equally tangled in this dilemma;

people say porn desensitizes, warps ideas, and is detrimental to real-life relationships. yet, what confuses me is hearing some friends treating it like it's part of their everyday routine. "it’s just a phase," they say. "everyone does it." but, does everyone really? maybe it's merely their casual approach or the false courage digital anonymity brings. every time I consider their words, I wonder if my consumption is any different from the next guy’s video game obsession—just less socially acceptable.

in these quiet, introspective moments, there's almost a sense of solidarity I feel with others who might be questioning the same things. isn't questioning oneself a path to self-discovery, after all? I hope anyone reading this might offer insight or reassurance; not to validate my actions, per se, but to join me in unraveling this conundrum. even if that means admitting that yes, perhaps, I'm just part of this vast, modern-day paradox. so, is it normal to watch porn? or am I just trying to find normalcy in an action my upbringing condemns? does anyone else ever feel this strange cocktail of curiosity, guilt, and anonymity? 🤔

He knows I'm fucking crying and guess what he doesnt care. I feel so stupid for getting attached to him. He just wants a gf just for the sake of having me with him. When he wants to he'll be a good person and attentive and caring but when I need it hes not there. Its better to be alone rather than be with someone who makes you so sad. I'm an idiot for staying with him because he needs me. He says if you leave me I'll be alone. But he wants to pick and choose when to be a good bf. I'm checking out of this relationship. I feel bad for him but fuck I just keep caring less and less.

Would you be upset with your partner giving commentary on their drive to and from work?

Not like "now i passed a blue car, i am going 38mph, now i passed a red car" no, more like for reckless or stupid drivers (unfortunately here are a lot), "that car is so stupid, they went in that lane..." blah blah blah.

My boyfriend is a busy man I get it but when we're on the call together, most of the time he doesnt have much to say to me or he just responds to what I say or ask and most of the times idc. But I have been mentioning a lot more the reckless drivers around me. I've been noticing them a lot more after I got in a car accident and the other car ran a red light and tboned my car(I'm okay and so is the other driver).

But today I get told that he's tired of me giving commentary while driving. The only f-ing reason that I say that stuff is because other than that he he probably wont say anything. And you bet that after today I'm gonna stop and I'm sure our phone calls will be 80% silent. What's the point of calling me then???

I'm just sad and I hate how I got into this whole relationship. I've already been rethinking our relationship and things like this make it worse. I know relationships require work but how much until its just not worth it? I'm just tired of him and everything else. I just wanted a partner who would listen to me respond because you bet I would do that for him. It sucks that even tho he's a good person idk if I want to be in this relationship

sometimes i feel like i'm just drifting away. at 51, you'd think i'd have my life set or at least be comfortable, but no. my husband barely even acknowledges me as if i've become a fixture rather than a partner. i cannot remember the last time he reached out and caressed my hand or looked at me with those eyes that once held warmth. am i no longer worthy of affection, or does aging put a damper on desire? i've never felt so invisible, and it's weighing heavily on my heart. is it normal for passion to fade like this, or am i simply unworthy now?

we used to be so in sync, you know? always close and connected. it's like the rhythm and cadence we shared was just lost over time, fading away into the white noise of daily chores and trivial tasks. there's an ache in my chest from being untouched, untouched by the one person who promised to hold me close forever. it's a cold reality to accept that intimacy has become a thing of the past, a relic of our younger years. was it inevitable, or could i have stoked the flames to keep it alive?

it's easy to feel like maybe it's me. maybe i've let myself go or become complacent, and now i'm just not desirable. i've heard about the inevitable drudgery of marriage; maybe we slipped into that pattern without even realizing it. yet, doubt creeps in and floods my mind. does silence mean he's lost interest or grown tired of what once captivated him? could he ever see me as the woman he fell in love with, or have i become someone else entirely in his eyes?

i often wonder if anyone else out there feels the same, trapped in a silent dance of routine void of passion. am i alone in how i feel, or is this just one of those unspoken realities of aging? depression and longing for those moments to reignite feels like an insurmountable climb, but the hope of rekindling lives on deep inside my heart; maybe, just maybe, there's a way to bridge this emotional gap. would having a heartfelt conversation or finding a common ground bring us back? or, perhaps, this is simply the natural ebb and flow of life. 🤔

So about 3 weeks ago me and my friend and I decided to go to a pool hall well I was already in my pajama pants and a jacket (what I usually wear at night time) the pajama pants are like a extremly plush fuzzy material and the jacket was a super soft fleece I just simply enjoy being comfortable when im at home lol reason im going into detail about what I was wearing is because when we got too the pool hall everything was cool for a couple hours until my friend started talking smack to some guy well the guy pushes my friend and when he did I jumped between them and when I did my pool stick fell out of my hands and was laying on the ground. Well when I stepped between them I just so happened to be standing over the pool stick and 2 guys picked the pool stick up at the same time and racked yanked up hitting me dead in the middle of my balls I remember feeling the stick literally splitting my balls in half I remember looking down and seeing the fuzzy pants and the outline of my balls around the stick and the guy that was behind me rubbed my shoulder and said "you got a nice soft jacket on oh and your pants look soft too" and when he said that he reached down and twisted my dick while the pool stick was still between my legs i remember moaning extremly loud and grunting while he twisted and squeezed also at the same time yanking the pool stick up higher into my balls he eventually let go and I went to my knees immediately I been trying too find words to explain this too my gf and I just can't come up with anything.?

I struggle to sleep at night without seeing images in my mind. Sometimes my thoughts just race, other times I get recurring flashbacks of things that happened to me during my childhood. I remember things starting when I was about 4? My mother was an abusive alcoholic. I was pretty much at her mercy due to my father being deployed overseas. She was neglectful; she didn't feed my sister and I, she taught me about sex at a young age, I saw her having sex with her cousin. All around, things were pretty awful.

At some point, I was taken by the police to a station. We were shipped off to foster care for 2-3 years. My father fought hard to win the case and he eventually did, but he's no saint either. He's been through a lot as well but the way he copes is unhealthy. When we first arrived home, my father was doped up on oxycodone pills due to being permanently disabled and discharged from the military. He tried his best but he attempted suicide by mixing drugs and alcohol and we were sent to my grandmother's. I don't remember much between the ages of 7-12 so things kind of get blurry.

At some point, my father became so bitter and violent. He often compared me to my mother and would lash out at me in fits of rage. He would hit my head a lot and I don't have many clear memories anymore. I remember one time when I didn't take out the trash. It was around 12:00AM when he noticed that the trash wasn't taken care of. He immediately got violent with me and started pinning me against a wall, screaming and spitting in my face.

I decided to flee, barefoot in the rain. I ran and hid at a nearby apartment until he stopped looking for me. I sprinted over a mile to my nearest friend's house. I remember completely breaking down in front of him and I felt terrible. His Mom comforted me and gave me the guest room to sleep in. The next day I dreaded going home. I also had a field trip to a college the next day, so I had to suck it up and act like nothing happened. I remember the field trip being a blast, though. My theatre class went and saw a play. :D

Anyway, I just need to talk about this stuff. I can never find a proper way to bring it up to my friends or my therapist. I stopped going to therapy because I felt like they never let me fully empty my brain. I've been depressed for a long time. Sometimes I just break down because everything is too much. I get so frustrated with myself for holding myself back. I'm in my 20's with no job and no drivers license. I feel so pathetic but it's so difficult to start tackling these things.

I feel like a fish out of water, honestly. It seems like everything I touch becomes unstable. I don't have a good sense of self or purpose. I have passions, but I get burned out so easily. Sometimes I just want to disappear so I won't be a burden on anyone else anymore. I don't know. I find it hard to rely on others for support. I just needed to talk about this stuff tbh because it's been stewing in my mind for too long.