Life Stories and Everyday Drama

Hi so my love life has been shit and so I've written some piece. I have no prior experience in writing or anything. I just wrote whatever I wanted to and this is what i've written

BLASPHEMY

Author’s Note: This piece is my own personal story which is inspired to me by the song I love and relate, Kalapastangan by fitterkarma

“ I’ll die with a smile

As long as you are by my side

I’ll live with regret

If I couldn’t make you smile one day yet

It is blasphemy not to love you

It is madness not to think of you

If the world were to suddenly fall apart

You’re the first one I’d look for….”

If one were to ask how I feel about you, these words would always be the first to conquer my mind.

I can feel them rushing through the blood in every part of my body, engraving my soul. All my five senses; sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch, yearns for you only, only you….

How could I ever stop loving you? It’s a sin to even think of such dreadful thoughts!!!!

I wonder how much of everything was real to you? Maybe everything was fun to you, though it was never to me and will never be. I was foolish to think I ever meant something to you. My whole world crashed as I realized I’ll never be…

They are sick of hearing about you, they tell me to forget about you. But how could I ever!? One told me to admire you but how am I supposed do that only as I have always admired you from faraway…

It aches to have the thoughts of you forever disappearing from my life. It pains to let go of you.

I wish I never realized I love you…

They tell me to not overthink and I’ll be okay but what wrong have I done? Is it a sin to love someone very deeply? They don’t believe me when I tell them I’ll keep on loving you even if you don’t exist in my chapter anymore but I know for sure you’d be the one for me as long as you exist, even if years passes by…

Even though it was for short moment, I’ll keep it close to my soul for eternity. The thought of moving on, forgetting about you and falling in love with someone new genuinely kills me deep from inside. I was over the moon when you first texted me and I could feel happiness oozing out from myself during the times we spent together.

I curse the universe for this seriously. Why does the universe have to play this game to me? Ever time I wanted to forget about you, the universe would keep reminding me about you!! If only I never realized I loved you, if only you didn’t text me and met me; would I be in this much pain….

I don’t want these emotions to be fleeting, I don’t want to forget about my love for you. So, I can be reminded of this everytime if I start forgetting. If only you knew how much everything meant to me. You’d always be the one in my mind always and every passing moment, the one whom I look for amongst the places I go, knowing you’ll never be there….

I LOVE YOU “S”.

Music Credit: “Kalapastangan” by fitterkarma (lyrics translated by iyang)

I come from a normal family. My brother has a very good job and is a miljonair. And he is not living in reality anymore. He never visits family. Or helps. Even with a sick mother he did not help for a day. Just a visit to the hospital. He talks like this at family gatherings; I am going to buy a Tesla and a Porsche. The Porsche is for a hobby. And the Tesla for work. And a few weeks later he bought the 2 cars. My income a year is what he makes in a month. He was always very normal in the sense he did not care I make less money. But i get the impression he thinks people with less money are worth less. He lives in his own world and I guess being around the same people all the time who can buy anything etc makes you see things differently

i thought i was over him you know? breaking up seemed like the right choice at the time. we'd been together for almost three years and things felt... stagnant. we stopped talking about anything meaningful. every conversation was mundane, revolving around what to eat or when to hang out with friends. it felt like we were just going through the motions. i thought maybe love had faded away and that stepping out of it would be freeing.

two months later here i am sitting alone with this overwhelming feeling of regret gnawing at me. it's like a constant dull ache inside me and i can't shake it off. in the moments where everything feels too much, i miss his presence more than anything else. that familiar voice, those gentle reassurances, even our comfortable silence together... those things have been haunting me ever since we parted ways.

it's not easy seeing him move on either, he's got a new girlfriend now which only exacerbates my feelings of loss. they say time heals all wounds but time seems to be pouring salt into mine right now lol. im trying not to get upset every time i think about them together because it's partly my own doing anyway but deep down i'm lost and sad.

so many nights i've wanted to reach out tell him how sorry and stupid i feel for leaving but then these doubts creep in whispering 'would he even care?'. what if he is truly happier without me? the thought weighs heavy on my mind making it hard to breathe sometimes😔i guess i wrote this because holding it all in isn't helping anymore.

having a crush on someone at work is both exciting and nerve-wracking...😬 i've had this growing interest in a colleague for about three weeks now, and it's been occupying a fair bit of my mental space. we work closely, so there's always the professional facade that needs to be maintained. yet, every small gesture or brief smile from them feels significant, like it carries more weight than it should.

what complicates things is the persistent uncertainty over whether these interactions mean anything beyond cordiality. it's easy to overanalyze every conversation. was their laugh genuine? or just politeness? i've even caught myself replaying scenes from meetings, trying to decipher hidden meanings that might not exist. there's also the matter of being perceived as professional. making a move could alter work dynamics irreversibly... something i'm hesitant about!!

then there's this fear of awkwardness that lingers in the back of my mind if it doesn't pan out well. how do you look someone in the eyes daily after such vulnerability? i’ve read articles suggesting direct approaches but they often gloss over the aftermath when things don't go as planned... that's what worries me most.... 😅

perhaps this uncertainty is amplified by personal expectations and societal norms around workplace conduct; you're suppose to keep everything strictly business, right? i can't help but feel cautious, though part of me wants to take a leap despite understanding all too well the risks involved. deep down i'm stuck between maintaining professionalism and exploring something potentially meaningful.

ok, so i'm REALLY tired of my friends constantly wanting to hang out at my place. like seriously, i get that i'm the only one with an apartment and they've all still got to live with their parents, but it's getting too much 🙄. it seems like every weekend, it's the same old thing: 'hey, can we crash at your place?'. dude, what am i running here? a hostel? i've got stuff to do too!

i mean look, don't get me wrong: i love my friends and all. we have good times when they come over (not gonna lie), but do i gotta be the permanent host or something??? funny how no one ever wants to pitch in for snacks or pizza when we're chilling though 🤔 what a surprise right?

it's not even about being stingy on my end; it's just frustrating as hell feeling like they expect me to always be down for it when sometimes you know... i just wanna chill alone or watch netflix without having a full house.

and then there's the cleanup afterwards too. will anyone offer a hand with THAT? of course not! plus people leave their stuff lying around like kids after playtime in kindergarten man 🙈 finding socks under my couch months later?! someone explain flipping trips me up.

i tried talking bout boundaries with them last week - was kinda awkward but necessary man. hopefully they get why i need space sometime instead thinking i'm suddenly antisocial now ?? let's see how well that goes tho 😅

I've been puzzling over why so many people seem to get addicted to porn, because honestly I don't get it at all... I've tried it, watched quite a bit just to see what the fuss is about, but frankly, it's not my cup of tea. There is something about the whole scenario that feels incredibly artificial and exploitative! It's like these producers create this fabricated world where desires are exaggerated and emphasis is placed on carnal pleasures without any emotional connection 🤔

What surprises me even more is how common this addiction is said to be. According to some research studies I came across (yeah I am a curious person), it's suggested that anywhere from 5% to 8% of adult internet users are thought to have a problematic relationship with online pornography: that's a SIGNIFICANT proportion!!! Personally it makes me wonder if this obsession stems from society's unhealthy relationship with sex in general. We live in an era where sexualization permeates all aspects of our lives: advertisements, movies, social media; everything seems saturated with it...

It's quite baffling considering that several scientific journals argue watching excessive porn can lead to desensitization or escalate into further issues such as relational intimacy problems or even struggling with sexual dysfunctions 😬. You would think awareness of these potential consequences would discourage frequent usage... but no? They don’t seem deterred unfortunately! Maybe people assume they’re immune until reality hits hard...

Now let me share a bit of my experience mingling within social circles who partake casually yet primarily engage out of habit rather than pleasure itself.. They often mutter halfhearted affirmations like 'everyone does it', 'it's normal' - who am I to say anything? These seemingly nonchalant remarks tell enough though.. they mean well but remain unconvinced deep down inside!

It's evident many factors could contribute here: individual psychological predispositions perhaps? So much emphasis on short-term gratification coupled with external influences might make resisting difficult for some individuals compared against others maintaining healthier boundaries towards same content platforms...

I was on the subway yesterday, minding my own business as usual, when I overheard this word that really got me thinking. Biromantic??? What in the world is biromantic? 🤔 As someone who strives to stay informed and up-to-date with modern terminologies, this left me completely perplexed. I'm not someone who easily lets things go when I don't understand them, especially if it's a term being used casually by others like it's common knowledge!

I'm pretty open to learning new stuff, but what bugged me was how casually the people were discussing this biromantic thing, almost as if it was as widely understood as something like 'vegetarian' or 'introvert'. They seemed so confident and at ease discussing some aspects of their romantic orientations that I felt a bit embarrassed about my ignorance on the subject. It made me wonder just how many more terms are out there that I'm oblivious to.

Upon returning home, I couldn't help but dive into a little research (yeah, that's just me). To my understanding – though please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong – identifying as biromantic means that an individual experiences romantic attraction towards multiple genders. Not necessarily sexual attraction... Just romance. Huh??? I'm trying anyway to wrap my head around distinguishing between romantic and sexual attractions and how they can exist independently in someone's identity.

In all honesty, it's quite fascinating to witness how human identities continue to evolve over time. It's these kinds of encounters that remind me of how diverse our world truly is! While I'm still processing all of this information (with way too many question marks), I can't help but think back on the conversations I overheard and wonder: should I have interrupted to ask for clarification? But hey–who wants to be that person interrupting strangers mid-discussion on public transportation! 😅

I'm really at a loss for words these days when it comes to understanding why my motivation has seemingly evaporated before my very eyes. You see, the company I work for is in the technology sector, and it has been undergoing a revolving door of layoffs every three months or so. Although I haven't been directly affected just yet, there's this unsettling cloud that looms ominously over my productivity. Colleagues are constantly on edge, looking over their shoulders and whispering in hushed tones about who might be next to face the ax. Meanwhile, I'm here trying to muster even an ounce of enthusiasm for projects that once held my complete attention and interest.

With each round of layoffs announced from corporate headquarters, it's like another nail gets driven into the coffin containing any scrap of drive I have left; The constant uncertainty feels draining and somewhat demoralizing when you realize that no one's position seems entirely secure anymore. It's difficult not to feel as though I'm merely biding my time until the guillotine falls on me too, especially when everyone around seems equally afflicted by this wearying cycle of worrying anticipation and lackluster office morale. However detached I attempt to remain from what happens during these downsizing periods (as if they were some distant thing happening elsewhere) the reality can't quite be shaken off: we're all cogs in a system more disposable than we'd like to admit.

You know, one friend hasn't messaged me for 2 days. I don't know why. Maybe he's finally exhausted of me. I was earlier messaging him after every 1-2 hours, maybe I'm troubling him. But he seemed fine in school. He gave me one message today that he can't meet with me, but honestly, it could also mean he doesn't like me and he's too awkward to say so. He even messaged yesterday he was busy for many hours. So because I felt very bad, I slept trying to convince myself he's not leaving you, but honestly, it's a tough belief to keep up. I felt very tired wanting to message again. I was always messaging "Hi" or "Are u here?" Maybe I should get rid of this whole thing. The belief I can ever do it with anyone. That way I can focus on family, I think I'm ignoring them, that's what they tell me. Dad thinks I'm being mean. I think I'm holding on too hard. I should leave this full thing, leave him alone. Not everyone is actually nice.

I've been considering the NUCLEAR OPTION, which is leaving everyone behind. As in, I remove all contacts until I forget them, and never speak to them in school, since they've got their own lives going on without me. But my brother tells me to take it slow, message him less, and trust that he's not hateful of me. But what if he just ignores my messages because I message him "Hi" every 1 hour? Even my mom said he could be away at a staycation or busy somewhere or I don't know. I'm sorry to all of you I don't have the luxurious talent of being able to trust friends that they like me and to even have many friends which are meaningful! My brother thinks it's that easy? He says it takes time, yet he's the hot shot in his class and grade. It's always the popular kids who have it easy with life. It's always them with the delusional answers.

I don't even know how my brother's acting so respectful about a friend. I told him that guy is a trans boy, and while my bro did joke about it earlier, he proceeds to still call him a guy, they've never met! My brother's 12 and somehow, I feel like they'd get along better. Me and that friend may have similar interests and we have cool discussions, but my brother is more fun. I see him everyday play games with his friends and having fun online, meanwhile I'm just quiet like a loser next to him. I should inspire him, not give him an example of what not to be. Why is he even giving advice to me? He's not even met my friend. My friend may say he enjoys more quiet stuff, but my bro gets along with everyone somehow, so I lack somewhere. He's the popular funny kid, so when he says stuff like "I bail out of outings a lot!" or "I have some days I don't even play with them!", it sounds fake. I trust people out of family very less when they're quiet like that. It's like the world moves so fast, and I just failed to catch up. I'm older, I should be the idol, not him.

I felt so tired of crying I slept for 2 and a half hours. I don't know why, I just did. I love them so much, but sometimes it feels I'm not doing enough or I'm doing too much. Meanwhile they somehow got it figured out. Where did I go so wrong? I'm the reason a small boy I once knew thinks that I never changed. I hurt him. I hurt everyone. I cling too hard. If you'd seen that boy's face now, you'd feel the same too! Like you've done nothing but harm. That he remembers a version of you that you now hate so much.

My brother messaged me this. yeah but that boy is gone now he prolly dosent even remember u why wud he care then why did u msg him like that? (asking why I was messaging my friend every 1 hr) bro he dosent respond and u start crying.. hes been gone for 2 hrs thats not that mmuch so? js dont msg him as often now problem solved if theyre happy w u then how r u a burden (I then say I’ve been left out before. They act nice until they talk to someone else and it’s like I dont exist) then try to balance it why do u feel like giving up that means that u dont wanna be friends w rthem they like u for who u are why tf do u hate who u r wtf do u mean by superficial why do u hate that u have friends man it cud genuinly be a mistake (the moment one friend swapped a digit on accident in her number) bro its ur choice if u want friends lemme tell u smth imagine u have money u can buy a car u can drive but u say that i dont deserve the car how tf are u not worthy of buying a goddamn car (I then say "Maybe ur not good at driving, just like how I can’t decide whether I should worry or do the NUCLEAR OPTION and nuke all contact with them") r u gud in the head if ur not gud at driving but yk how to after some time ull get used to it and be better everyone starts fresh the nuclear option for that case is to spend all that money on nothing and js thinking what shud i do with it that money will go nowhere itll get u nothing cus u can already afford everything the only thing u wanted was now gone dont do the nuclear optio neven i started off like u im not born with it no one is because i didnt worry about all these things and dont say u cnat cus if ull never try ull never know and dont say uve tried too hard uve only lived 14 years and maybe somewhere itll all go fine its like a roller coaster aadhya ur so scared to go on i but when u do its fun and u wanna do it over and over again listen dont message if he dosent msg tomo then msg day after if he asks where wewre u yesterday js say i was out.

Yeah, life is so easy like a roller coaster. There's also a high risk of falling out or the ride slipping and going back. Now my friend's gonna think I'm weird for asking him, and then he'll block me and leave me out of everything. I am too much and too little. Never enough. And because you're so desperate on whether I wanna die or not, I think I'd rather be lonely than die. As harsh as it is, every adult does it. My grandparents have no friends, my mom doesn't go with anyone. I'm just the same unlucky person in the cycle. I don't possess the blue blood of my brother. I didn't message him at all today, but honestly, what if when he said he's busy, he meant "busy ranting to my other friends about how much I hate you".

I gave them one message now to both homies, they haven't responded. I know it's a 2 month holiday, but why, why does it feel so urgent to me? I gotta get everything done. Otherwise I'll just fade away. Like I did last time for a long while. I gotta look after my brother cus he's out with his group. Why is it that he ends up going a few times, while my track record of friends so far is...0. I've spent far too much time with family.

My family is suspicious. They don't message if they're busy or not and they only inform sometimes. One girl swapped her phone digits. Another one hasn't messaged me for 3 days already. One girl put it on silent but she responds sometimes. One girl said she messages very less and now in school she doesn't greet me at all and her classmates are kinda mean to me. And my first ever friend betrayed me by using my rage against me because she knew I was a moron then! And my mom says I can do what I want, so the NUCLEAR OPTION seems ideal. We have to approach this like a battlefield. We gotta understand their next move. If one of them is silent for a week, it's over. Done! I already understood this in my comments. You know what my second comment ever was on a video? Coisa estranha da porra is what he said. The first comment may have said AYYYYY THATS LOOKS TEAAAAA but we have to acknowledge the bad. Then that means the 2 months I spent was wasted on worrying and sleeping instead of having fun like everyone else. I don't wanna waste 2 months. If I was more direct, I'd have messaged them every 10 minutes. Then my brother and every other pathetic female out there would've had fun while I rotted away again! That was god's mistake for making me wrong.

so I'm 26, and I've been trying to figure out how long it takes to get over a two-year relationship. it's been bugging me really bad lately. He was perfect for me, or at least I thought so, but then he just stopped loving me out of nowhere? It feels like I'm stuck in a loop of 'what ifs' and wondering if I'll ever feel that way again. Like, is there a specific timeline for this kind of stuff?!

people keep telling me time heals everything (ugh classic) but it's hard not to be skeptical when every morning still starts with the same ache in my chest. It's like even though months have passed since we broke up, his absence still hovers around like some annoying ghost. Wasn't expecting anything different today though, just another day waiting for something to change.

evenings are the worst because that's when all those memories hit hardest. we'll never walk in the park together again or laugh at silly jokes only we understood; it's kinda messed up how someone can go from being your whole world to just someone you used to know. feels like I'm carrying around this invisible weight all day long.

there's no handbook for heartbreak (unfortunately!) and maybe it’s dumb to think there should be one! But honestly, aren't emotions supposed to have an expiration date? How much longer am I meant to wallow before things don't feel so raw anymore? If anyone's got answers I'd love to hear... unless they're quoting "time will tell" again!

I've been dealing with a situation that’s a bit tricky to handle. So, here it goes: I'm a married dude (just hit the 2-year mark) and life's pretty good on that front. My wife? She’s super nice and we've got three kids together. A little chaotic but in a good way. Now, here's where things get complicated. There's this colleague at work, right? She's absolutely stunning and always seems like she's flirting with me. Not to mention the countless times she's asked me out for drinks or dinner or whatever. Each time I have to say no thanks, even though every part of me wants to say yes.

Don't get me wrong, I love my wife more than words can express, but this situation is starting to mess with my mind. I mean she’s gorgeous (and if I’m honest) it's flattering having someone show that kind of interest in you. But dang! It's tough not to let these thoughts linger longer than they should... 😓 At work, her presence is hard to ignore and it's becoming increasingly tricky not to fantasize about what it'd be like if I didn't keep saying no. The right thing (I know) is distance and keeping things professional but man... sometimes that's easier said than done.

so, here's the thing. i just got in this stupid big fight with my step dad about whether homemade ice cream is healthier or not... like who even argues over that, right? we were both standing there in the kitchen with our arms crossed and everything. he kept insisting that because it's made at home, it must be healthier. i mean, come on! you can load it up with sugar or cream just as much as a store-bought one.

i tried explaining that the ingredients matter more than where it's made, but nope - he wasn't having any of it. he just went off on a tangent about how things were better when you did them yourself at home; if only life was that simple! i'm all for whipping up a storm in the kitchen but let's not kid ourselves. sure, you have control over what goes in, but does anyone really put less sugar in their treats? nah!

oh man, i remember my mom used to make this killer chocolate chip ice cream when i was little. she bragged about using pure cocoa and organic milk - like okay mom, still packed with sugar though! i guess we just want to believe that putting some effort makes everything magically healthy.

in the end i just shrugged it off and decided not to waste more breath on it. he's stubborn and probably thinks hippies have all the answers 😂 anyway i'm done with talking ice creams for today.

yo so i've been thinking a lot about how we all go through these phases in life and dude it really got me reflecting, you know growing up people would be like 'oh you're just being moody because it's that time of the month' or whatever (if you know what i'm talking about) but now being older i actually think there's more to it than just hormones so basically i've come to realize emotions aren't as cut and dry as we'd like them to be. maybe it's not always obvious but they hit you right when you least expect it; it's wild i've also noticed some days feel like i'm floating on air everything clicks work is good friends and family are lovely but then bam next day i'm like questioning my entire existence. and this isn't me exaggerating here: this cycle? it feels kind of like art imitating life where emotions are constantly ebbing flowing. rereading old diaries brings back memories and i find patterns the ones that might've gone unnoticed if i wasn't paying attention.

My best friend Leia, has a boyfriend in France, in other words we're in England and therefore they're online dating. I don't have a problem with online dating because I've done it before, but I don't like him. Not because he is French and in another country but because of him in general.

We were all friends, obviously they were dating and therefore it's different but me and him would play Minecraft. It was meant to be all 3 of us, but Leia was never in the mood simply because she was not in the phase.

Time skip, Valentine's day. They spend practically every day on call, calling till they sleep. Sleeping on call. Valentines was going to be the same. I wake up and find a message that it was Leia finally being on Minecraft! I have always wanted her to join ever since the world was made. I asked to join but I joined the world anyway, because I have technically been on the world longer than she has as a whole. I was told I was being "extremely rude" by her bf for simply joining.

Now thats a bit odd, yes its valentines day... But am I rude for simply being excited over my best friend that I know much longer than he does, bare in mind by 2 extra years of a sort simply from her being on a game that I wanted her to play all together for weeks? After simply 20 minutes. they left, he left minecraft on for me to carry on building, but thats it.

I did open up to this, with my other best friend, Sophia on call because... It wasn't personally that fair? just because its valentines I have been pushed away. Sophia asked her friends to see if it's okay also, one of them has a boyfriend themselves and they all said it's not okay. Therefore I message them both.

The hilarious bit. I was practically in the wrong from their point of view.

I brought it up, long argument short, I apologised for 'intruding' and just played with Sophia.

Another situation with them!

So, it was a random day, he asked me if I wanted to play minecraft at all that day, HE asked so I thought why not? it was 10am, I was busy, I told Sophia I couldn't call her today cause I had plans to call him. Now, throughout the day, I called with Sophia anyway but told her I had to leave at 4. Throughout the time, he has not left minecraft since 10. That was 6-7 (I'm not brain rotted, and it depends if you count 10am also) he has played practically none stop. On the dot, 4pm we planed to call. "Sorry im not in the mood anymore, maybe another day." Sorry? You're not in the mood because you played none stop, if you wanted to avoid that, log off especially if you know the time and what youre doing. I didn't hang up on Sophia thankfully. But what if I cancelled other plans just for this? not 10 minutes notice. Bang on the time of 4pm.

I texted Leia the problem, we went back and forth, she simply told me "talk to him on the group, I'm not involved" thanks.

On discord, on the group chat, I was texting him, back and forth, I now have another friend Ellie because I needed help knowing what to say and also to put in text (I tend to forget important information to involve so they help, + it was to help me know if im in the fault or not).

During this argument, he was not apologising for cancelling the game. He believed he was not in the wrong, He was also a year older than me and like I said before, immature. Therefore he was brainrotted. I despise him to this day for all of that. a year older than me and his girlfriend and he acts like this?

Anyway, it lasted long, to the point Leia steps in simply saying "this has gone on for too long, therefore I am going to point out the problems."

He gets 2 sentences of pointing out what I have said, he shouldn't have cancelled the idea last millisecond. She calls him "baby" I get thats his nickname, but you're babying him... No? And I get 2 paragraphs for 'dragging it on' and what I had done wrong.

Now I'm practically pissed, shes not on my side because I'm dragging the situation on valentines day in this predicament and now this? and she babied him cause thats a nickname. Thanks.

Moving on, it went back and forth. I told her I am not mad at her, she was panicking I was mad and furious at her, I pointed out numerous times I am not. I am mad at her boyfriend. Yet she has a panic attack and he begs me to be his friend still numerous times.

Did I know about the panic attack at the time? No. she never told me till a week later. So I thought he was being a creep, I still wouldn't of accepted his 'deal' to be friends (exactly how he worded it) because im not dealing with an immature boy who cannot say sorry when even his girlfriend knows he was in a wrong, 2 sentences or not.

I ended it by unfriending him and leaving the group. That is practically how it all went down.

I hate how she picked his side, couple or not, I know her more by an extra 2 years. and im not online. So if it all went downhill, I am closest and also her parents dont know him and also against online friends. Make it make sense...!

I crave friendship so badly that to the point that i don't know how to express that.

It's a kind of loneliness that follows me everywhere. Seeing people hangout with big groups and other people makes me very envious and probably even jealous because i don't have someone to do that with.

I have 3 irl friends that i hangout with sometimes. I'll call them N,B, and E.

N i know from high school and has never been mean to me. We usually watch movies together,

B and E i've known since i was about 5. We are in a trio but they are the duo in the trio. They often keep me out of the loop, so i usually dont know who and what they are talking about when they tell me a story, because E tells the stories to B but only to me when the 3 of us are together.

We were once hanging out and bought sweets to eat, the two of them shared but didint share with me. Eventually when they gave me the bag i wanted to grab one but it was of course empty.

The little things they did to annoy often got to me, B used to grab me by the neck and push me down as a joke even tho i had told i didin't like it. I don't really know if i should even concider them friends? i guess i do because i don't have a load of people i talk with, i dont even talk to them via text, we only talk when we hangout. And i guess in cling onto that.

My best friend hasnt talked to me since she went mia in february, i could never hate her for that tho. She means the universe to me and i hope she will eventually come back.

There are often days when i wonder if i'm hard to love or that i'm being dramatic, the silence feels unbearable tho. Having no one to talk or hang with because even tho i don't want to admit it i am a loner.