Life Stories and Everyday Drama

Be it at school or anywhere else i always feel more disgusting, or fatter then the other people even tho no one ever told it to my face.

I don' t know what it is, but i just can' t help but think like this, and when i start thinking like this it makes me feel like i consider myself way more important then i truly am so i sort of start stress eating i guess?( which turns into later regrets and fasting😕)

It's weird and maybe a load of nonsense, but i can't help but wonder if i'll ever get rid of this self image that i created🤷‍♀️

I honestly have no idea how I ended up here but I genuinely feel so alone and I have absolutely no one to listen and Im curious if anyone else feels this way or have some tips

I'm soon 18 (female)

I've noticed that I don't actually have any friends at all and I can't seem to be able to make any.

I restarted highschool again due to me failing my first year of highschool and took a year off to try to get my mental health a little better and I feel so embarrassed that I can't make a single friend at school

I understand that it's very difficult to get to know me because I'm extremely quiet and I'm too anxious to start a chat with anyone unless they speak to me first. I kind of feel like maybe it's just because of me being a girl or because I have Asperger

(im going construction because I aim to become a Plumber)

I thought I was fine till it really started to bother me a lot. Ive lost a lot for friends lately and the two connections I have left that ive known for 5+ years and been close to we have fallen out over the last year due to my mental health yet ive always tried to keep in contact.

but the thing that bothers me the most is that I always do my best to be a good friend to the ones I hold close

Ive showed up for them in their ups and downs and been there for them every single time they had it hard and I've been more genuine and caring to them then most of their friends and I've been there for almost all off their struggles and given them all the energy I've ever had yet it's still never enough and I'm always left alone no matter how much I try to be a good friend for others nobody ever gives me the same effort back or can even be bothered to ask me for once how I'm doing or texting me first for once

And what hurts me the most is that they would replace me with people who don't care about them as much and don't know them as well and won't show up for them at all yet they run to me and talk about their drama and problems

I feel like a filler friend untill their favourite comes around and I'm thrown away like garbage like I didn't mean anything to them on the first place

am I doomed to always give and never get anything back ?

Im so confused on what to do and I feel so alone in everything

I do my best to be the best version of myself for the ones I care about yet no one can ever even be bothered with ever giving me a small amount of effort back . I don't understand what I'm doing so wrong and I feel so selfish for just wanting friends who actually want to be there for me just the way I do for them

I've tried so hard to make new friends but it's like nobody wants to give me a shot at all I know I feel like I can be a great friend but why won't people accept me ? they always say I'm to nice or to sweet

(I'm not painting myself out to be a great person

I'm going off what others say about me)

i just dont understand what I'm doing so wrong

Am I in the wrong for feeling the way i do ?

why when you're talking to your parents and you're trying to vent to them or something and they start giving you unwanted advice and then you want to cry because they're not taking you serious and what you're saying and then you're about to cry and they ask oh are you about to cry and they start mocking you about it and then they make a face try to show that you're going to cry or something and then when you actually start doing it they're just like oh there's nothing to cry about like why do you do that like you're my parent you're supposed to hug me and call me if you think I'm going to cry you're not supposed to just sit there and laugh at me or make a face about it because I don't want you to give me this advice I'm just telling you how I feel when you do a certain something I'm not telling you to tell me how I should feel when something happens or how I should deal with something I'm just telling you how I feel what I'm going to do I'm not asking for this advice I'm just telling you what's happening and how I feel I'm not telling you to give me this advice because I already know what I'm going to do about half the time you're the reason I do because you made me go up so fast because if I don't grow fast enough then I'm a problem because I need to keep my room cleaning you this and you watch a little sister you need to wash the dishes you need to watch all the siblings and make sure that they don't do anything and then all this stuff so yes I know what I'm going to do because I'm not I'm a child but I'm not a 7 year old who's asking for advice I am a teenager who knows already what they're going to do and then on top of that I'm just doing so many things so I don't have a moment to breathe and so when I finally telling you how I feel I'm not telling you to make fun of me when I'm about to start crying because I'm finally letting all my emotions I'm not telling you to put a finger next to your eye to make the tears that are about to fall for my eyes I am telling you how am I feeling hug me say it's going to get better don't tell me this advice that's not even about the situation because you never been in this situation before because I'm different from my parents and they didn't grow up in the situation that I am and I am a very very well off child and I will never say that I'm not grateful for my parents do for me because I am beyond grateful they do everything that I ask and it they just don't have it right now they'll tell me and then they will come up with the plans trying to make it happen for me so I am so beyond grateful for that and I will never say that I love but there is a certain moments where they are just so unbearably unsufferable because I'm not allowed to express my feelings half the time because when I do finally try to express my feelings so it is not it's not that serious or something like please you need to understand but that's it because parents are going to keep doing what they do and no matter how many times I tried to tell them it's never going to stop . (this was typed using voice text so if that if it doesn't make sense that's why my bad too anyone reading this)

sincerely,

Melody (13 f)

It literally cannot just be me but I swear whenever I'm angry I have to refrain from like hurt myself and I don't like cut myself or anything because I don't want the scars but like sometimes I'll bite i bruise and I know that's not good but sometimes I also bang my head against the wall not hard but sometimes enough to get a headache because when I try expressing my feelings or how I feel my parents do this thing with it's like say this or that and they be like well if I could do this and if I could do that blah blah blah blah blah but when I try to do that they say no we can't do that right now or no that's not going to work etc. and stuff like that and and it just feels like so much but I actually just got done crying again and this time I didn't bring my head on the wall and I did bite myself but it was like very softly at least for me it was soft because I didn't have a pretty high pain tolerance but yeah I am really proud of myself for not doing what I normally do and being able to stop myself for a second and calm down I think I'm a post on here a lot though because I don't really have friends because of homeschooled so yep. ( This was typed with voice text sorry if it suck but I feel like I can barely type rn) is this just me???

Sincerely,

Melody

My fiancé and I met at church seven years ago and began seeing each other three years ago. We were both previously married and quietly separated from and divorced our previous spouses. Our separations began before we started dating and our divorces were finalized after we got together.

Due to the timing of the start of our relationship and lack of broadcasting our separations, there was a lot of that judgey church gossip surrounding us being adulterers and homewreckers.

Okay fine, we were not divorced yet and that was not a great thing for us to do. We rushed God's timing and plan and that didn't need to be.

But now that our relationship has gotten more serious (IE visible), it feels like our congregation has shadowbanned us, so to speak. We were both quite active in numerous ministries and elected positions. (You know how 80% of church work is done by 20% of the congregation? We are both in that 20%. Or at least, we'd like to be.)

Over the last year as our relationship has taken off, we have been removed from most of our committees by ways of not being elected to serve another term. With one exception, no one was elected in our places. On an informal/adhoc basis, we are not selected to participate in the worship service ahead of time. If a worship participant does not show up and there is a sudden need for someone to fill in, we are not asked and when we volunteer, we are told no that's okay, someone else will do it. Or no one does it and the service goes on without.

I am finding these actions to be punitive in nature, especially since we are in a small aging congregation where there aren't a lot of people who are able to help out. So to be informally told that no one doing this task is better than one of us doing this task is weird.

The only tasks we have held onto are the major tasks that no one has shown interest in managing instead. The food pantry is a one woman show and the online media streaming is a one man show.

It hurts me that this place we've called our religious home can take our money and our physical labor, but will not allow us to serve our church in a visible capacity anymore. He is content with having less to do, so he isn't bothered the same way I am, but he has noticed the pattern.

I would like to speak to someone at the church about this, but who? I feel like I would just be gaslit. Oh no, that isn't what's happening. We just want other people to have the chance to contribute. But the liturgist pool is 2 people less. Communion takes longer because there are fewer assistants. We use online music when we can't locate an organist or pianist in the community.

It's just. Weird. And I don't know much what to do. I am contemplating church searching after the new year and seeing if a clean slate would do us good.

Am I tripping? Am I not? Is it worth having a conversation with the pastor about? Who knows? Not me.

I'm in the year before university and it's clearly the most important year. I'm not doing extremely badly, but it's exam week and I'm under so much stress that I just want to cry and not even study.

This typing might not make sense I just heads up.

Hi I'm fake name Melody I'm 13 years old I'm a girl and I'm in an agency and this is my first year they do this thing called arts under this international blah blah blah blah blah I don't know called and I'm doing so many things the voice acting improv film scene photography singing dancing in voice acting and I just I'm making my own dance I don't know how I've never done it before I'm sick 2 weeks before we go out and I just feel like everything is against me I can't practice my singing I can't practice my scripts and I'm forcing myself to keep choreographing but I am a gymnast so there's a lot of tumbling and flipping and so I have to go to the football field to do it and I haven't been able to go because I'm sick and so I'm making myself go but I'm not always to drive so I have to take my brother and I'm just so constantly stressed every single time I try to cry about it because I feel like there's an elephant sitting my chest my mom and dad step dad and stepmom all said this can be fixed there's nothing to cry about there's nothing to cry about if it can be fixed don't cry blah blah blah and I feel like I can't cry and I just got done with breakdown I couldn't breathe and I just what it cry but I can't because I don't I feel guilty every single time I do and even when I'm sleepy I can't sleep anymore I just can't do this I'm just so tired and I'm not going to do nothing extreme but I just want to feel like me again and I've been doing things I shouldn't be doing like I'll make myself throw up or cut my calories how much I'm eating I know I shouldn't be but I feel guilty whatever I eat too much I've had comments on my body my entire life from wow you have really muscular legs or muscular arms or you know you have a nice ass or you have a nice butt or big I don't know anymore and I just I just want to lose it I don't want to be seen for that anymore I feel so insecure in my own body and I got my period really early so my body's really developed and I don't have a big chest but I have curves to say I just I don't know how to say my feelings so if this isn't good I'm sorry it just if you read this can you just please give me something I just make me feel human and if you can at least try. (This is typed using voice typing so if it's not the best that's why but my hands are shaking and I can't type right now)

Sincerely,

Melody

To preface, yes, I am still a young adult, and logically I understand that I have many years ahead of me and many more people I've yet to meet. But I can't help but feel helpless about my current situation.

In brief, I'm deeply in love with my best friend and I have been for just over 2 years now.

As for the messy details, both of us were in relationships not that long ago, both with people in our wider group of friends. I broke up with my partner partially due to not knowing if I was ready for a long term relationship, partially due to festering guilt over my feelings for this friend (which I had since before getting into that relationship). He broke up with his because they didn't feel compatible, and he is aroace and wasn't able to meet their romantic needs.

To me, he is one of the most attentive, kind, funny, and wonderful people I have ever met. I am not a people person, and even people I like drain my energy. But I feel like I need to spend time with him to recharge. Of course, nobody is flawless, I just find him absolutely irresistible. Maybe it would be easier to deal with these feelings if they were clearly unrequited, as I assumed they would be considering his identity, but this isn't exactly the case?

He doesn't really drink, and even when he does he almost never gets drunk. The first time he ever got truly drunk around me was after we were both newly single, and he told me he loved me and that he felt a way about me he'd never felt for anyone before. I didn't want to take this 100% seriously considering how drunk he was (he didn't even remember saying it!) but he repeated it again later, sober. Since then, we have become very close. In my eyes, and in the eyes of those around us, we act essentially like we are in a relationship. Yet, we don't call it that. It's 'nothing official', and he doesn't want it to be anything like that. To make it messier, neither of our exes know about this, nor do our friends in that particular circle.

It's painful and confusing; to be held through the night and cooked breakfast in the morning, to be kissed and told I'm lovely, to be told "I love you," and know there is an undertone of "Not quite in the way that you mean it." (This is something we have directly discussed and that he has told me).

I feel like I need to be loved romantically and the security of a relationship. I am also not asexual and would like sexual intimacy he has no interest in—he will do some things on request but it seems more like a service to fulfill, so I don't really ask. I know this situation is not healthy. I just don't think I can bring myself to be distant with him. The time we spend together is when I can feel the most at home in body and mind, and he's helped me feel happiness like I've never felt before. He has quickly become my rock, especially as I have recently become physically unwell quite quickly, and he's taken on burdens in looking after me with no complaints.

There is no way I'm falling out of love with this man any time soon. I'm stuck like this, swinging between euphoria of spending time with him and insecure spiralling about his identity or lack of attraction towards me. He wants things to carry on as they have been, but I don't know if I can handle that. But if I were somehow able to tear myself away I think I would feel just as much pain, if not more, mourning our closeness. I think I'm doomed either way.

TL;DR: I am in a messy, doomed situationship with my aroace best friend.

So my ex and I broke up recently. It was his decision, and I thought it was amicable enough - I had hopes he didn't feel he could meet, and he felt overwhelmed by how much I can be sometimes (I do not dispute this, I'm A Lot.), and so while it hurt because I really thought we were getting through the rough patch, it was the right move to just be friends.

The thing is, he's not really acting like a friend now, and the way it's going I'm not entirely sure that's even truthfully what he wants.

He's always been kind of rude - he's socially awkward by his very nature and not at all an emotional guy - I'm very used to him being somewhat ignorant of the feelings of others, that's normal. He's not diagnosed autistic but most people he comes into contact with have their suspicions on him being on the spectrum. (This is not a bad thing or a sweeping armchair diagnosis, our whole friendgroup is autistic so it would not be a surprise and would of course be an explanation for his overall demeanor, but not an excuse for the behaviour that follows.)

Now though, it's not just 'socially awkward guy can be misconstrued as ruder than he intends to be', it's targeted. and usually targeted at me.

I tried to brush it off as me just being oversensitive in the aftermath of the breakup, because I know I can be hysterical and overdramatic, but it's become obvious in the week or so that it goes on that I'm not imagining it - he's being downright mean. And I never thought he was mean.

So I tried reaching out to him about it - I thought maybe he was being so odd because it was hurting him too and he wanted to talk about it, or he wanted to avoid giving me false hope by being deliberately meaner than usual for a bit, or maybe he was just enjoying the freedom from a relationship that he seems to think was controlling. All of the above would have been fine and I would have, to an extent, understood if any of those were his reasoning, but he denied acting out of character at all - told me that he'd be saying everything he's said for the past week with or without the circumstances.

I don't think that's true, because a lot of it seemed to come out of nowhere with no prompting from any outside source (so not a badly landed punchline to something else) and he's famously stoic and private to the point of paranoia, but I accepted it - it isn't my place to push him on that, if he says he's fine and he thinks it's normal then whatever, I suppose it must be for him.

Reaching out seemed to make it worse - today he decided to go vaguepost in a shared server about how people who talk about having a certain opinion are annoying - down to my exact wording of said opinion. This would not be so damning, if there were others in his group/life that had the same opinion. As it stands, it's only me, and everybody in our group knows that. So really, he's just publicly calling me annoying for no real reason, somewhere he knows I will see it.

I know I said he can be ignorant of the feelings of others, but I refuse to believe that as an incredibly smart grown man, it hasn't registered to him that if you insult someone, it's going to hurt their feelings. There is a huge difference between "being unable to read the room and making people uncomfortable by mistake" and "being unaware that knowingly insulting a friend is bad".

I've tried to be civil about it all.

I didn't blow up at him for breaking up with me knowing I was at work at the time, because I asked first and said I wouldn't break down, so that's on me.

I haven't gone and blamed him for the part where I got so upset and stressed about it all that I got physically sick, because it's not like he wanted that to happen to me either.

I wanted to comfort my friend if he was struggling, and I didn't want to make it a big deal that we broke up, and I didn't want to really bring it up at all, because I know he's bad with emotional stuff and I figured he'd like to just move right along, which was fine by me if it helped him.

It just feels like I've sacrificed and sacrificed and sacrificed to try and not blow up our lives over this, and I've denied myself the chance to actually grieve because it would inconvenience him, and all he can think to do is just...rub salt in the wound wherever possible and assume the worst of me at every turn.

And nobody else seems to notice beyond 'feeling like they missed something' how mean he's been lately, except for my one friend who has never really liked him all that much in the first place.

And that makes me wonder if this is actually new, or if this is just the rose glasses breaking - was he just always this awful, and I never saw it because I loved him?? Has anyone else had this sort of jekyll-hyde turn happen?

I wanna post another of my vents, yet this isn't letting me. Why??

hi uh I dont know why I decided to do this bc all I wanted to do was vent to someone but I wish I could just go back to therapy. but um basically I have been having some problems with my dad since I was about 10 (I'm 13 btw) uh sometimes it would just feel like he wouldnt listen or pay any attention to me and I feel like sometimes he just picks on me I guess.. uh this week I have been non stop thinking about why he hates me bc all this week before I go to bed he says something that just makes me break down or sometimes have an anxiety attack but its ok uh bc I have my mom I guess who is barely home enough for her to protect me from my dad bc she has work she always has work and I'm always just sad I'm always sad and my dad just makes me just flat out depressed I've tried therapy but I just couldn't speak about it bc she thought I was there bc I joked on a ai chat abt kms bc I wanted food bc I was starving and I didn't eat that day and my dad told me to WAIT so he could finish cooking dinner and wouldn't even let me have a snack. recently I've been just crying myself to sleep bc it feels like he hates me and I don't care anymore I hate him and I hope as soon as I get to the age I have enough money to move out.

Hey! It's Caralia. My dad, let's call him Diego. So, my little brother and I have a 3 year age gap. Keep that noted. So as the eldest sister, for 3 years, I had all the attention. My mom was always studying for nursing school, and dad had the shitty job-good pay. Then, my little brother, Dominic was born. All the attention shifted to the newborn. Diego was already stressed with bipolar, work, and a newborn, plus a jealous 3-year-old. My dad would often lash out at me, and leave all parts of my brother out. Time skip to when I'm nine. My dad emotionally made me insecure and belittled constantly, but I searched comfort from friends. My mother was usually at work for 5 hours a week nightshift nursing. I tried to get good grades, I achieved it. But my dad didn't care. Just told me to fuck off. My brother was 6 at the time, and I despised him. When I was 10, I developed a healthy relationship with my brother. Dominic is like my best friend despite all the old jealously that doesn't linger. My dad started a different, more effective medication for bipolar. For the past few years, he's been much better of a dad, but I still have emotional breakage because of him. I have diagnosed major anxiety and minor depression. I also take LexaPro and Hydroxozine. My dad tries to be better, but everytime he tries to have a conversation deeper than, 'What's your favorite color' I immediately like shut down.

To understand why I feel so strongly you need to know the context. I met this friend who we’ll call A, now me and A met in a psychiatric and behavioral clinic, we had an instant click. It was the type of friendship you know can last years, he was there for some of my darkest moments. We helped each other and generally just got along well. A and I expanded our friend group which felt nice, I’d never had friends like that before. An issue arose when there was a love triangle of sorts with another member J. Now J and I had something romantic brewing which was nice, I like him too, but then A said he’d also developed feelings for me. This was a whole mess in the group because I was put on the spot to choose who I’d rather be with, this was incredibly difficult because while I really liked J, I had been a bad partner and I was scared I’d he’d leave me. I was also scared I would lose A since I didn’t reciprocate those feelings, a friend in the group M told me if I couldn’t choose then I just shouldn’t be either either, I felt sad and alone so I chose J since he was there for me in all this, I understand why A took a break from me, we were young and emotional. The issue now though is J and I are still together and he really dislikes A from the past experience we had, I totally understand but I just can’t let A go, he is one of the only people I’ve confided in about incredibly difficult topics. He has gone through almost the exact same things as me which helps me feel like the unhealthy ways I cope don’t make me a freak, J is wonderful and I could never ask for a better partner, but he just cannot understand certain ways I act and so I miss talking to A. They hate eachother and I feel stuck in the middle since I had to cut contact with A, we talk now and then and the friendship is still there, but now he’s been avoiding my texts, I can see he’s online and he views my profile and likes my posts, he just won’t talk to me, how can I good with these feelings?

Let me start by saying I love my wife to death and would do anything for her. Some context my wife is injured and hasn't been able to return to work for almost 3 years now, and is unable to get disability. I work at a minimum wage job full-time but hours are slow during the winter, u also have a medical condition that the doctors can't seem to find the source of or have any idea what to do about it. So money has been tight, p.s I grew up dirt poor, she comes from the middle class.

But this year has been really tough, it started in January we almost lost our house, and in February we got hit by a deer and totaled our car. At this point, things had gotten a little tense between us but we were good and were managing it the best we could. In April we lost a family member and almost lost the house again in May. This is about the time I feel like we started to not be good. We were having more arguments she was saying I don't do enough around the house. So I tried harder to do more like the errands, dishes, yard work, and any projects she wanted done, spending more time with my stepson. But I and I had stopped doing anything together at this point besides watching TV.

Around August my health had started to decline more, I got offered a job as a life insurance agent but I would have to get licensed, so with our situation, I thought this could be great. But life kept throwing us curve

balls, so I got behind on the licensing. I was still trying to do more around the house and with my stepson. This went on till about October.

I started getting depressed at the beginning of the month feeling like a failure and useless. My wife and I had finally had a much-needed talk that turned into a big fight I had brought up that we hadn't done anything together since December and that she stopped coming near me, she said she missed cuddling together and doing things together too, but was also upset that things were always getting done. After our talk things were good or so I thought.

Which brings me to now November, so last Thursday I had a pretty bad health scare, the place I worked at had to call me an ambulance and I was hospitalized, My wife was right there beside me the whole time making sure I got the medical attention I needed, and making sure the doctors were listening. My wife is my best friend and is always striving to better herself and be a good mother, even though this year has sucked.

But tonight we got into another fight this one hurt a lot. Which is why I am on here at 1 am on a work night. It all started because our toilet has not been flushing properly for almost a year. I know absolutely nothing about plumbing. So yesterday her friend came over to try and fix it (he does some plumbing a jack of all trades but master of none) just to find out we need our septic pump and the pipe that connects the toilet to the septic tank replaced. Today I had to get a brain scan and we got home around 3 pm. We had both been quiet all day, but I asked her what was bothering her she said "You don't do anything around here, you didn't even try to fix the toilet!" I replied with I do, do things around here and yes I didn't do anything about the toilet and should have tried to fix it

or take a better look at what was going on. Some other things had been brought up from both of us and she told me she was done talking because nothing changes, I replied with "yeah let's sweep it under the rug cause we seem to be getting good at that" So more things had been brought up. I said "We our partners we need to get through this together" She replied with "We haven't been partners in months " This broke me a bit. Our conversation calmed a bit after that and her best friend had come to take her out because they had plans. She got home around 11 I did a bunch around the house dishes, mopped, some yard work, and laundry. But I feel like a failure and a bit heartbroken, I haven't finished my course, my health isn't getting better, my wife doesn't want to do anything together, and I feel like I'm not good enough. I love her to death and would do anything for her and my stepson but I feel lost and like she may be ready to throw in the towel.....this isn't like us yes we've fought in the past but not this much and we always came back stronger.

if you made it to the end of this and have any advice at all it would be great to hear it

Hi! Let's call me Caralia.

SO! My best friend, let's call her Luna. Luna is a semi-badgirl. Bad homelife, drunk parents, tons of siblings, skips classes, gets referrals and tardies because she feels like it. Luna always self-harmed openly. But, we have many mutual friends.

Two weeks ago I told the trusted art teacher (quietly). Said art teacher reported it, so then the following weeks, Luna didn't return until next week. Nobody was aware I told. Today, Luna returned. PE class, I run up to greet her, but she pushed me away. I was confused until the popular girl, Willow, came up to me while I was changing into uniform.

Willow's little fanclub were trailing behind, recording and flashing their phones as i was packing up. "Hey Caralia!" Willow said with that fake-sweet smile. She immediately starts saying why did I tell, so to salvage my reputation I say, "It's not my business to tell what Luna does, and I think it was a teacher report." Luna looks at me like I'm crazy.

"Stop lying to my face, I had to go to a mental hospital because of you." Luna said to me. My gut literally dropped. That's where she'd been for a week. Coach enters the locker room, and checks up on me like, 'hey, what happened' so obviously I told her what happened. after Willow and her crew left, I start crying to one of my friends, telling her what happened. Willow magically spawned behind me when I heard a gasp. I look over, barely visible in my tearing eyes, Willow. Willow says i have to stop getting myself into these situations. and she kept on repeating that. Now a ton of my friends are avoiding me.