Life Stories and Everyday Drama

So, I'm an alter in the head of someone with DID. And today is my first day fronting. Stupid host made me do it during SCHOOL. I AM NEVER LETTING HIM MAKE ME DO SCHOOL AGAIN. I DON'T CARE IF THAT MEANS I NEVER FRONT AGAIN, I AM NOT DOING SCHOOL ANYMORE.

I hope this doesnt sound too messy because my writing is honestly terrible, but I wanted to share this little story in case anyone reading ever wondered about the signs your family doesnt care about you, or at least seems like they dont. Im 17 and a girl, and Ive kinda grown up watching my parents circle around my brothers like planets around a sun, while Im some tiny moon they forget is even there. They go to every football match my brothers play, even when its freezing outside or when the team always loses. They cheer so loud I swear the field shakes. When one of them gets an A on a test, my mom tells the whole family group chat and my dad claps him on the shoulder like he just won a Nobel Prize. When I get good grades, they say OK and go back to whatever they were doing. I dont think theyre trying to be mean, they just forget me, like that quote from The Perks of Being a Wallflower where it says we accept the love we think we deserve, and sometimes I wonder if I just accepted this whole situation without thinking too much. And maybe thats why Im telling this politely, because staying polite feels like the only way I stay steady;

Anyway I keep trying to stay objective about it, because I know teenagers can exagerate things and I dont want to sound like Im throwing a fit. Its just facts. They barely talk to me unless they need me to do a chore. They never ask me about my intersts, like school clubs or the small art projects I do. I once tried to show my mom a drawing I worked on for two weeks, and she said Mhmm while scrolling on her phone. If one of my brothers had drawn literally anything, even a stick figure, it would of gotten a photo framed in the living room. Still I keep telling myself maybe they dont realize how it feels from my side. Maybe they grew up in familys where girls stayed quiet or maybe they think Im independant and dont need them. I stay polite because whats the point of fighting. Its better to observe everything like Im some researcher taking notes on a family I dont totally belong in. Detatchment feels safer. But even with that detatchment Im hopeful. I think one day someone will care to ask about my life the same way they ask my brothers.

The weird thing is how normal it all feels now, even tho I know deep down it shouldnt. Sometimes I sit in my room and wander, Would anyone notice if I just stopped trying. Not in a dramatic way just a logical question. And I bet you if someone reading this has felt like the shadow sibling youv wondered it too. I remember one time my English teacher complimented an essay I wrote telling me I had clear potential and my first instinct was to laugh because no one at home has ever used the word potential about me. I quoted her in my journal because it felt so strnage yet so nice. Im not saying my parents are villians or anything like that. Theyre polite people themselfs and I know they love us in their own way. They just show it unevenly like someone pouring water into two cups and missing the third. And thats okay. Cups can be refilled someday by someone else or maybe by ourselves. Im trying to beleive that honestly.

So I guess all this is just me asking gently have you ever felt invisible in your own house. And if yes how did you figure out that it wasnt your fault. I try to stay hopeful because Ive read so many storys yes I know sounds cheesy where people grow up and finally meet friends or mentors or partners who see them and cheer for them the way their family never did. Maybe that will be me too. I want to keep a positive tone because life isnt over at 17 not even close and maybe this whole weird upbringing will make me appreciate real attention when it finally comes. Im staying polite staying patient and staying open to the idea that things can still change. And if they dont at least Ill know I tried to understand it instead of letting it crush me. Maybe thats the real sign that I care about myself even if my family sometimes forgets to show that they do.

so I'm laughing so hard rn ha ha I laugh everytim I see those scratches on my arm ha haaa ha they're so funny and cute

dies

I love the taste of my own blood wbu

I just wanted to get this off my chest and maybe hear someone's thoughts?

but I kinda have no friends so…

Well basically I fell hard for an anime boy, and I just can't get past the fact he doesn't exist and for some reason I felt like leaving my boyfriend (I'm confused as well???) it's even worse considering we've been together for 3 years now, and I feel quite "bad" (like something is wrong) about it but I don't feel any guilt or regret it at all

So yeah that's it I would like to hear your thoughts!

this was the previous one by the way>>

Hi! Let's call me Caralia.

SO! My best friend, let's call her Luna. Luna is a semi-badgirl. Bad homelife, drunk parents, tons of siblings, skips classes, gets referrals and tardies because she feels like it. Luna always self-harmed openly. But, we have many mutual friends.

Two weeks ago I told the trusted art teacher (quietly). Said art teacher reported it, so then the following weeks, Luna didn't return until next week. Nobody was aware I told. Today, Luna returned. PE class, I run up to greet her, but she pushed me away. I was confused until the popular girl, Willow, came up to me while I was changing into uniform.

Willow's little fanclub were trailing behind, recording and flashing their phones as i was packing up. "Hey Caralia!" Willow said with that fake-sweet smile. She immediately starts saying why did I tell, so to salvage my reputation I say, "It's not my business to tell what Luna does, and I think it was a teacher report." Luna looks at me like I'm crazy.

"Stop lying to my face, I had to go to a mental hospital because of you." Luna said to me. My gut literally dropped. That's where she'd been for a week. Coach enters the locker room, and checks up on me like, 'hey, what happened' so obviously I told her what happened. after Willow and her crew left, I start crying to one of my friends, telling her what happened. Willow magically spawned behind me when I heard a gasp. I look over, barely visible in my tearing eyes, Willow. Willow says i have to stop getting myself into these situations. and she kept on repeating that. Now a ton of my friends are avoiding me.

NOW TO CURRENTLY.

So, two days after that happened, Jaylen, one of our mutual friends, brought us together to talk. Luna and I talked about it, and ruled that I wasn't guilty. (HOW???) Anyways, so Luna and I are back to best friends. Timeskip to yesterday. We're in AP art class, Jaylen, Luna and I are talking. Jaylen brings up a situation that occurred with Willow. For context, earlier in the year there was a rumor about me that I was trans. (tf i literally look like a girl are yall blind) Willow had been stirring the pot by picking drama with Jaylen and Jaylen's friend, Millie. Millie and Jaylen told their crew, which started avoiding Willow. Willow lost her main friend group. (bc she's messy) Willow switched to the other popular group, and started spreading rumors about her original. Luna and Jaylen reveal to me that Willow is the one that told Luna solely off of a guess, and Willow is also the one who spread the trans rumors. pls vote in my poll if u dont wanna write.

I often scratch myself when I’m triggered or angry and such and one time I got very upset and the scratches were prominent and a bit inflamed. I always did such thing discreetly so my parents wouldn’t notice but it was so inflamed and my mom noticed. She immediately got angry at me and told me that I’m stupid for harming myself and that it won’t solve anything and that I should just stop. Now I want to do it more. What should I do?

I only seen to attract the wrong type of friends. They’re always manipulative or toxic or self centered and such. One of my friends called me names as a joke, another one ghosted me, another one uses me to get stuff from teachers, another one made fun of me when I called my mom because I was fainting in class, another one called me a snitch for telling her about my mother’s affair that has been heavy on me, another one gossiped about me behind my back, one is flirting with my crush, another one laughed off my mental health. I don’t know if I should have friends anymore. All my friends are like that and I don’t have family members who I can confide in and now I just feel lonely and pathetic. What should I do?

Hello! I'm Caralia.

so I've been in therapy since 2nd grade. like holy shit, we know it's been a while. I have (diagnosed) minor depression and major anxiety. I used to feel refreshed and gleeful. now i just feel overwhelmed and pissed when I vent about my problems. If you check my profile and my other stories, you'd understand why I have a therapist. anyways, back to my current problem. therapy used to make me feel energized and happy, but now I only feel exhausted and aggravated. since i'm a minor, everything I tell to the therapist is like ammo to tell my parents. I fucking hate it. don't get me wrong, i love my therapist. she's a great woman. i think therapy like lost it's benefits so i've been trying this out. I'm naturally a pessimistic person, but i am always smiling and being nice to everyone. i'm outgoing and social, but like sometimes i feel like 25% of me is like... faked?? idk i'm crazy. Love you guys.

I feel like no matter what I do I'm just never good enough. and I try so hard and that's the part that hurts so bad because all I do is work work work and it seem like no matter how much advice take or "constructive criticism" they throw at me Im just never good enough for them whether it's gymnastics singing dancing acting I'm just never good enough I just felt like a disappointment . I have parents to support me and ridicule me at the same time and sometimes I just want to run away and never come back I wish I could but I'm not going to I just want to feel free and sometimes I don't feel me anymore I remember when I was younger and being The Golden child wasn't so bad but I'm supposed to be perfect in whatever I do and when I'm not and I cry because I feel like I have to be they tell me not to and that is not that big of a deal but then at the same time they keep telling me that it is.im going insane I just wish I was better at venting my feelings to the people that I know but when I try to so hard but I think that's all I have right now because I've been crying all night and my head hurts so bad. bye darlings have a good day

sincerely,

Melody (13 f)

So, yeah. I'm 13, and love, romantic love is...weird. I think I'm ace, but I don't know, I do sometimes crave for love from any gender. Like, why should gender matter? But I feel weird. Like, nobody's dating where I live, very few do, but I don't know. I just feel scared of that kinda relationship. You know, things could go wrong, really WRONG. What if that person's cheating, a fraud, very toxically passive-aggressive and mean that way, or you just start arguing out of nowhere and break up. It's happened to real couples, they seem fine until they fall out of love and fight til they fall down from exhaustion. It'll just happen. I've seen so many people, teens, fall in love in flings, and Wham! They break up for many reasons, they were morons, they found another fling, their parents called it forbidden love, one or both become abusive, or just move away with family. It's an unnecessary risk, which is why at this age, I'm scared and disgusted and ashamed. Why fall in love, if this is the risk independent love causes? That's one of the many benefits arranged marriages carry, it's stable, predictable, normal, because someone decided you to be with someone. In stories, they fall in love genuinely, better than their own romance!

I never understood why I was against the idea of love where you're in charge, because there are all those risks I mentioned. For some reason, my idiotic heart wants to be in love when I think of me in a nice relationship, but when it thinks that way I say to myself, "WHAT THE!? WHY ARE YOU FEELING THIS?! YOU WANT THEM TO FIND YOU IN A MALL, A PARK, A CLASSROOM, A SUPERMARKET OR ANYWHERE ELSE WHERE YOU WANT THEM TO EVEN BE YOUR FRIEND!? THAT ONLY HAPPENS IN MOVIES YOU DUMMY! IT ONLY HAPPENS IN FICTION WHERE YOU EITHER BEAUTIFULLY OR AWKWARDLY MEET SOMEONE SOMEWHERE, BECAUSE IN REAL LIFE, YOU NEVER WILL! YOU READ DOLLY ALDERTON'S BOOK, SHE NEVER FOUND A RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE SHE TREATED THEM LIKE EARNING POKEMON CARDS, NOT REAL LOVE AND SHE REALIZED THIS LATE! STOP THINKING ABOUT BEING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE, BECAUSE IN THIS WORLD, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND SOMEONE TO SNUGGLE, CUDDLE IN BED, SHARE FOOD, SHARE CLOTHES AND HAVE A NICE TIME WITH THAT YOU LIKE, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE! YOU HAVE THE FACE OF A GOBLIN, YOU HAVE INTERESTS IN THINGS NOBODY KNOWS, NOT EVEN THE ADULTS, YOU'RE SHORT, AND YOU CAN BE MEAN AS HELL WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY! WHY ARE YOU EVEN THINKING ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS, THIS YOUNG AND WHILE BEING THIS STUPID!? GAH, WHENEVER YOU READ THOSE STUPID ROMANCE BOOKS YOU WANT A PIECE OF THAT PIE AS WELL, YOU'RE SELFISH! YOU'VE SEEN EUPHORIA, CASSIE SEARCHED SO MUCH FOR 'LOVE' IT HURTED HER AND SHE DATED FREAKIN' NATE JACOBS AND MCKAY, BOTH ARE JERKS! BEING SINGLE IS COOL, SO WHY EVEN BOTHER?! WHY ARE YOU EVEN LONGING?! TO FILL OUT THE FACT YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A FRIEND FOR 7 YEARS BECAUSE OF YOU!? YOU SHOULD'VE SPOKEN ABOUT THEM ONLY, GAWKED ABOUT HOW GREAT THEY ARE COMPARED TO YOU, AND NEVER EVER HAVE BEEN SARCASTICALLY MEAN! HECK, YOU'LL NOT EVEN GET FRIENDS EVER AT THIS RATE! WHAT PRISON AHVE I PUT MYSELF INTO WITH THIS IDEA OF 'LOVE' I SO MUCH WANT?! IT'S A WANT, AND NEEDS ARE MORE IMPORTANT!"

Just, why? I bet this is my dumb hormones acting up, I bet I'll be fine isolated from the world. I bet I'll be happier either alone or in an arranged marriage. You introverts love being alone with your thoughts, right? I can be that person, not the one who falls in love again and again with bad people, or with her being the issue and ruining the relationship.

Be it at school or anywhere else i always feel more disgusting, or fatter then the other people even tho no one ever told it to my face.

I don' t know what it is, but i just can' t help but think like this, and when i start thinking like this it makes me feel like i consider myself way more important then i truly am so i sort of start stress eating i guess?( which turns into later regrets and fasting😕)

It's weird and maybe a load of nonsense, but i can't help but wonder if i'll ever get rid of this self image that i created🤷‍♀️

I honestly have no idea how I ended up here but I genuinely feel so alone and I have absolutely no one to listen and Im curious if anyone else feels this way or have some tips

I'm soon 18 (female)

I've noticed that I don't actually have any friends at all and I can't seem to be able to make any.

I restarted highschool again due to me failing my first year of highschool and took a year off to try to get my mental health a little better and I feel so embarrassed that I can't make a single friend at school

I understand that it's very difficult to get to know me because I'm extremely quiet and I'm too anxious to start a chat with anyone unless they speak to me first. I kind of feel like maybe it's just because of me being a girl or because I have Asperger

(im going construction because I aim to become a Plumber)

I thought I was fine till it really started to bother me a lot. Ive lost a lot for friends lately and the two connections I have left that ive known for 5+ years and been close to we have fallen out over the last year due to my mental health yet ive always tried to keep in contact.

but the thing that bothers me the most is that I always do my best to be a good friend to the ones I hold close

Ive showed up for them in their ups and downs and been there for them every single time they had it hard and I've been more genuine and caring to them then most of their friends and I've been there for almost all off their struggles and given them all the energy I've ever had yet it's still never enough and I'm always left alone no matter how much I try to be a good friend for others nobody ever gives me the same effort back or can even be bothered to ask me for once how I'm doing or texting me first for once

And what hurts me the most is that they would replace me with people who don't care about them as much and don't know them as well and won't show up for them at all yet they run to me and talk about their drama and problems

I feel like a filler friend untill their favourite comes around and I'm thrown away like garbage like I didn't mean anything to them on the first place

am I doomed to always give and never get anything back ?

Im so confused on what to do and I feel so alone in everything

I do my best to be the best version of myself for the ones I care about yet no one can ever even be bothered with ever giving me a small amount of effort back . I don't understand what I'm doing so wrong and I feel so selfish for just wanting friends who actually want to be there for me just the way I do for them

I've tried so hard to make new friends but it's like nobody wants to give me a shot at all I know I feel like I can be a great friend but why won't people accept me ? they always say I'm to nice or to sweet

(I'm not painting myself out to be a great person

I'm going off what others say about me)

i just dont understand what I'm doing so wrong

Am I in the wrong for feeling the way i do ?

why when you're talking to your parents and you're trying to vent to them or something and they start giving you unwanted advice and then you want to cry because they're not taking you serious and what you're saying and then you're about to cry and they ask oh are you about to cry and they start mocking you about it and then they make a face try to show that you're going to cry or something and then when you actually start doing it they're just like oh there's nothing to cry about like why do you do that like you're my parent you're supposed to hug me and call me if you think I'm going to cry you're not supposed to just sit there and laugh at me or make a face about it because I don't want you to give me this advice I'm just telling you how I feel when you do a certain something I'm not telling you to tell me how I should feel when something happens or how I should deal with something I'm just telling you how I feel what I'm going to do I'm not asking for this advice I'm just telling you what's happening and how I feel I'm not telling you to give me this advice because I already know what I'm going to do about half the time you're the reason I do because you made me go up so fast because if I don't grow fast enough then I'm a problem because I need to keep my room cleaning you this and you watch a little sister you need to wash the dishes you need to watch all the siblings and make sure that they don't do anything and then all this stuff so yes I know what I'm going to do because I'm not I'm a child but I'm not a 7 year old who's asking for advice I am a teenager who knows already what they're going to do and then on top of that I'm just doing so many things so I don't have a moment to breathe and so when I finally telling you how I feel I'm not telling you to make fun of me when I'm about to start crying because I'm finally letting all my emotions I'm not telling you to put a finger next to your eye to make the tears that are about to fall for my eyes I am telling you how am I feeling hug me say it's going to get better don't tell me this advice that's not even about the situation because you never been in this situation before because I'm different from my parents and they didn't grow up in the situation that I am and I am a very very well off child and I will never say that I'm not grateful for my parents do for me because I am beyond grateful they do everything that I ask and it they just don't have it right now they'll tell me and then they will come up with the plans trying to make it happen for me so I am so beyond grateful for that and I will never say that I love but there is a certain moments where they are just so unbearably unsufferable because I'm not allowed to express my feelings half the time because when I do finally try to express my feelings so it is not it's not that serious or something like please you need to understand but that's it because parents are going to keep doing what they do and no matter how many times I tried to tell them it's never going to stop . (this was typed using voice text so if that if it doesn't make sense that's why my bad too anyone reading this)

sincerely,

Melody (13 f)

It literally cannot just be me but I swear whenever I'm angry I have to refrain from like hurt myself and I don't like cut myself or anything because I don't want the scars but like sometimes I'll bite i bruise and I know that's not good but sometimes I also bang my head against the wall not hard but sometimes enough to get a headache because when I try expressing my feelings or how I feel my parents do this thing with it's like say this or that and they be like well if I could do this and if I could do that blah blah blah blah blah but when I try to do that they say no we can't do that right now or no that's not going to work etc. and stuff like that and and it just feels like so much but I actually just got done crying again and this time I didn't bring my head on the wall and I did bite myself but it was like very softly at least for me it was soft because I didn't have a pretty high pain tolerance but yeah I am really proud of myself for not doing what I normally do and being able to stop myself for a second and calm down I think I'm a post on here a lot though because I don't really have friends because of homeschooled so yep. ( This was typed with voice text sorry if it suck but I feel like I can barely type rn) is this just me???

Sincerely,

Melody

My fiancé and I met at church seven years ago and began seeing each other three years ago. We were both previously married and quietly separated from and divorced our previous spouses. Our separations began before we started dating and our divorces were finalized after we got together.

Due to the timing of the start of our relationship and lack of broadcasting our separations, there was a lot of that judgey church gossip surrounding us being adulterers and homewreckers.

Okay fine, we were not divorced yet and that was not a great thing for us to do. We rushed God's timing and plan and that didn't need to be.

But now that our relationship has gotten more serious (IE visible), it feels like our congregation has shadowbanned us, so to speak. We were both quite active in numerous ministries and elected positions. (You know how 80% of church work is done by 20% of the congregation? We are both in that 20%. Or at least, we'd like to be.)

Over the last year as our relationship has taken off, we have been removed from most of our committees by ways of not being elected to serve another term. With one exception, no one was elected in our places. On an informal/adhoc basis, we are not selected to participate in the worship service ahead of time. If a worship participant does not show up and there is a sudden need for someone to fill in, we are not asked and when we volunteer, we are told no that's okay, someone else will do it. Or no one does it and the service goes on without.

I am finding these actions to be punitive in nature, especially since we are in a small aging congregation where there aren't a lot of people who are able to help out. So to be informally told that no one doing this task is better than one of us doing this task is weird.

The only tasks we have held onto are the major tasks that no one has shown interest in managing instead. The food pantry is a one woman show and the online media streaming is a one man show.

It hurts me that this place we've called our religious home can take our money and our physical labor, but will not allow us to serve our church in a visible capacity anymore. He is content with having less to do, so he isn't bothered the same way I am, but he has noticed the pattern.

I would like to speak to someone at the church about this, but who? I feel like I would just be gaslit. Oh no, that isn't what's happening. We just want other people to have the chance to contribute. But the liturgist pool is 2 people less. Communion takes longer because there are fewer assistants. We use online music when we can't locate an organist or pianist in the community.

It's just. Weird. And I don't know much what to do. I am contemplating church searching after the new year and seeing if a clean slate would do us good.

Am I tripping? Am I not? Is it worth having a conversation with the pastor about? Who knows? Not me.