Life Stories and Everyday Drama

yo so i'm just gonna dive right into this mess: anxiety's a pain and it’s messing with my vision real bad. like you ever feel like your eyes are betraying you? it's crazy, right? here i am thinking everything's cool and then bam, my vision decides to go blurry. feels like my eyes got their own agenda or somethin'. anyone else get that feeling when you're hella stressed out and your body just starts acting up in the weirdest ways? i'm sitting there minding my own business, trying to keep it together then suddenly everything goes outta focus 😒. searching online isn't much help either, mostly just tells me to chill out but how the hell am i supposed to relax when i can't even see straight half the time? ugh.

so what do y'all do bout this kinda stuff cause it's getting annoying as heck! dis stuff makes me wanna scream sometimes for real lol. heard some people saying 'just breathe' or whatever but really? i need more than breathing exercises if i'm stuck staring at a blur all day. why ain't there an easy fix for this crap yet? someone gotta invent glasses that filter out anxiety-induced blurriness or something 😂. seriously tho, anyone know any tips besides chilling out and drinking tea? idk if it's my screen-time messin' with me as well but it's not like i can avoid screens these days ya know? throw some ideas at me folks before i lose it completely.

i don't know why but it's always been like this. working as a financial consultant, i get sent all over the place for different missions every month or so. you'd think i'd be used to it by now. but nope, each new place i go, i find myself getting super attached to the people i meet there.

it's hard because just when i'm starting to really click with folks, it's time for me to pack up and move on to the next assignment. it's like my brain knows it's a temp thing but my heart doesn't get the memo, ya know? i've met so many cool peeps in different cities and worked with them closely on these projects... then bam, it's done and onto somewhere else.

i try to stay professional and keep a boundary of sorts but man, sometimes it just feels like i'm leaving behind friends not just coworkers. makes ending a mission kinda bittersweet even if the job itself is all wrapped up nice and tidy.

i dunno how others do it. they seem to handle this part of the gig way better than i do. maybe they've figured out some secret trick that keeps them from going all in emotionally or something.

Hey!

It's midnight here and I'm unable to sleep though my body is tired, but I just can't fall asleep. I have been thinking about my old self, the person I used to be back in high school. I was an Art student who used to spend most of her time playing with colors and sketch anything she sees like even a little insect lol. I had a very clear goal in my mind that I'll become an art teacher after graduation. Well, life happened and I was losing my soul piece by piece. I lost my parents, a home, caught up in addiction almost on my dead bed and the career that I never able to start.

These memories of mine are keeping me up all night, I would say multiple nights. There's this voice inside of me telling me to pick up my pencil and draw just draw, no matter what just do it. And I'm thinking is it too late to start all over again? Should I listen to the voice? Should I? idk It's been like more than 10 years since I picked up my pencil.

haha after typing my feelings here I feel calm. Nice platform

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone, they say, but for someone like me who has always been battling with a severe lack of self-confidence, this concept feels profoundly daunting. I've often pondered this notion while sitting alone in my room. There's an internal dialogue that happens almost every day as I try to muster up the courage to step outside of my familiar routine and embrace new challenges. However, each time, I'm left grappling with doubts and anxiety that seem to overshadow any attempt at growth. How does one simply find the courage to leap into the unknown when everything inside screams to stay where it's safe?

Despite what everyone preaches about finding oneself beyond familiar boundaries, my attempts have usually ended in perpetual hesitation and second-guessing! It's like there's this invisible barrier holding me back from reaching any form of transcendence that supposedly exists out there. Friends and family encourage me endlessly (saying transformation is just a step away... yeah...) but as much as I want to believe it, fear and apprehension continue to anchor me down.

Yet in those rare instances when I dared slightly step out of my comfort zone... oh how exhilarating it was!!! Moments like speaking up during a team meeting or simply trying a new hobby stretched my limits ever so briefly! But sustaining such bravery? That's where the challenge lies... Maybe such 'beginnings' require not just a deliberate push but consistent effort (and constant reassurance) that once I take that crucial plunge forward again... My life will indeed change for the better?! Until then?! The struggle persists...

Alright, so here's the deal. I'm 22, a dude, and I've NEVEEER had a girlfriend or anything close to that. You might think that's odd or whatever but for me it's just been this normal thing. I've never even felt attracted to someone, and I'm seriously wondering what all the fuss is about regarding attraction. People around me always talk about how they feel butterflies or sparks when they see someone they're into and honestly, I have no idea what any of that even means! It's like everyone got this manual on attraction at birth except me. 😅

I get that attraction is subjective or whatever but sometimes it feels like I'm missing out on this huge part of life that everyone else seems to be experiencing effortlessly. Friends have told me stories where they meet someone and suddenly it's like everything clicks - fireworks go off in their heads or something crazy like that. Sounds kinda intense if you ask me but also kinda intriguing. I mean, do people actually feel this magical connection just from seeing another person? Seems almost unreal.

I've thought maybe I'm just a late bloomer or too focused on other stuff like work and hobbies to notice anyone special. But then again, wouldn't I have felt something by now if it was going to happen? My buddies keep saying it'll hit me eventually and I'll know when it does but when exactly is eventually? Waiting around for something you've never experienced feels weirdly unsettling.

In social gatherings or events where others are pairing up left and right, I'm usually the one who's hanging back trying to understand what makes someone attractive in the first place. It's not that I don't appreciate aesthetics or a good personality; it's more that nothing hits home with enough force to pull my attention beyond friendship level. Maybe media has hyped this whole attraction game up too much? Like I've set unrealistic standards based on rom-coms when reality's way more nuanced?

At times it bugs me enough to make me question my own approach towards relationships altogether - am I doing something wrong here? Should there be more urgency in finding someone or should I just let things be as they are until nature decides otherwise? Honestly still figuring all of this out.

he says he needs me, my ex-boyfriend that is, and i'm sitting here trying to figure out if it’s love or manipulation. there’s this thing he does where he insists we’re perfect together, but if i really think about it, our time was more turbulent than anything else. sure, we had those picture-perfect moments, like that time we got caught in the rain and laughed it off like a scene from a movie. still, when i replay our past in my mind, so many red flags pop up.

there was this one evening he said something really unsettling. we'd argued about something petty (i can’t even remember what) and he just blurted out how nobody else could ever love me the way he does. at that moment, it felt kind of sweet but now? toxic vibes all over. part of me wonders if deep down he's afraid of being alone rather than genuinely loving me for who i am.

funny thing is how my friend once told me relationships should feel like two people lighting up each other's lives instead of adding shadows. sure sounded poetic then but maybe there's truth in it after all. these days i keep asking myself if going back would really be nostalgia winning over reason.....or might it be growth disguised as reluctance? it's tricky balancing emotions and rationality but hey, maybe i'll get through this with clarity sooner or later.

I've been thinking about this a lot, and I just need to get it out there: Can dogs have eating disorders? I know it sounds strange at first, but hear me out. Our furry friends have emotions too, don't they??? And if that's the case, could they possibly suffer from psychological issues related to food, just like humans can?

I have a dog named Bella. She's adorable and very lovable, yet her relationship with food has always puzzled me. Sometimes she'll refuse to eat anything for days (she's not sick according to the vet) and then suddenly gobbles up everything in sight. It's bewildering!!! You can imagine how much I've worried over her changing habits; I'm no stranger to midnight brain-storming sessions where you question everything.

I've read somewhere that animals may exhibit signs reminiscent of human eating disorders... Excessive food intake, refusal to eat altogether, anxiety behaviors around meal times-they all seem interconnected? But are we anthropomorphizing our pets here or is there something more profound going on?

I'm no expert in veterinary sciences or animal behavior dynamics; still, it's crucial for us as pet owners to understand them better. They say love knows no bounds--Our responsibility towards them should mirror that unwavering commitment.

So there's my 3 AM vent... Has anyone else here dealt with this perplexity before? What did you find out? Have you seen behavioral shifts tied specifically towards consumption patterns??? Thankful for any insights.

I don't know what I'm doing in that office. I want to leave and never come back because I'm fed up with them. I always have to put up with one thing after another, always settle for sad shortcomings, with their nonsense, their pressure tactics, taking advantage of the fact that I won't say a word. I'm tired of their mistakes. Where on earth is their education? Their civic engagement? Their appreciation for knowledge? Or do they just think they know everything about what they already know? For God's sake, they're people who are nothing but accumulating knowledge and nothing more. They don't question anything, they use completely outdated language, they follow sad trends purely for petty political maneuvering. I'm tired of that office, and it calls itself a university when all I see is a smokescreen at the expense of equally corrupt politics. They're people who make a living by embellishing things when I don't see any examples. Where the hell are the examples? Where on earth are the citizens practicing their civic duty? I don't think they know what that means. I don't think they know anything about being with others because they only seek to change things. They don't know how to coexist, they don't know how to negotiate. I'm tired of putting up with them. I'm tired of them living their lives at the expense of me being unable to say anything, at the expense of cornering others. What on earth is wrong with these people? How on earth can the state allow a company like this, for God's sake? They may be very academic and all that, which they do brilliantly, but only for the people who aren't critical, who happen to be the same academics in the community. It's pointless to talk to them because they don't know anything about criticism; they only know how to keep silent, maintain groups, and give orders. They don't know what it means to be an academic, they don't even know how to plan an event that suits the people, but rather their community, the purpose of which is education. I hope, for God's sake, they find any excuse, for the love of God, let it be so, to get me fired because I have no reason to put up with their betrayal of the country. Why don't I associate with people who are for the country? Who strengthen it? Who inspire it? But I don't think even my friends will understand this conversation in any way; perhaps they'll grasp it, but that's one thing, and the ingrained practices are another. There are no citizens, no country, nothing, so where am I? Where do I stand? I am completely abandoned, naturally, by the system, which, because it believes I have no one else to consult, thinks I'll just let them manipulate me, that I won't get ahead, that I won't know what happened, when that was never the point. It's about opening oneself up to the diverse experiences that have occurred, along with everything that entails, in order to address them or remain grounded, through actions that safeguard one's space. It's there that one can operate, not through imposing or invasive methods. It's just a matter of luck that a beast will awaken, as happened with my boss when he thought I'd never make him see the significance of his abandonment of me in the other place. But I don't think he, being an educator, can even see that. For the first time, I feel I'm not dealing with prepared people, despite their academic degrees and all. I don't feel they're prepared; I feel they're clumsy. I have every right to speak this way. They claim to be prepared to serve society when they know the least about being in it. But the problem is that later, they'll surely voice their doubts to see if a grimace or something will indicate, for God's sake, some reference that has nothing to do with the grimace, even though there are scientific studies on the matter. Personally, I'm the only one who deserves to be in the community and hold a relevant position, but I definitely can't do it alone. It means taking on an entire system, and I'm not in the mood for that. I just know that their way of life permeates my work, it overwhelms me. The last thing I do there is work, because being a citizen, the foundation, isn't reinforced at all. They don't care about who's fulfilling their obligations, but rather who fits in with them, for God's sake. They're completely unaware, because they don't care, of what they fit in with, and then they go around complaining about why life doesn't treat them the way they want, when it's precisely through this social engagement that they sustain themselves, mobilize, and develop their visions. That's it. They don't care about their visions, about a foundation, about establishing themselves.

I keep writing, and I don't know why. At least I'm realizing what I can say to them, but I can't do more than that. For God's sake, I don't want to think about them at all. I have no interest in talking to them. They're not capable, not even in a million, of holding a conversation. I don't see them as capable of anything other than making the world the way they please, forcing things, and acting like they're the kings of discourse, when in fact they're not. There's no coexistence based on principles.

Coexistence here is based solely on conflict, stemming from the group dynamic of denying appearances—it's the last straw. I don't live in a society governed by laws, but by things I don't know where they get them from; comparing them to animals is ridiculous. They operate on the principle that nothing will be said so that everything is alright. I'm tired of having to adapt to something I absolutely shouldn't have to, for God's sake. I don't want them to think about me, I don't want them to. They'll only ask questions to control me without realizing it. I don't want to be with them; they're not worthy of me. To put it bluntly, I only want to be with citizens. I don't feel that even my friend has that civic spirit; she's probably up to something, I don't know what. I don't feel I can be with them. They live by the rules, but nothing more. I'm fed up with them, absolutely. I can't even look them in the face. And of course, they dwell on what wasn't done and what was done, always looking for the opposite, only to fail when they fail again. They just try to distance themselves from the situation, all because they don't develop according to principles.

It's absolutely disgusting to see my friend, who can't be with me, can't sit with me, without coming up with the excuse that it's because of work. She's simply dragged along by it, while I'm struggling to navigate it all. She doesn't take responsibility, she doesn't do anything about what's happening in her life. Instead, she abandons what she doesn't know how to do, and what she does know, well, that's all she can do, but without going any further. They are extremely limited in their approach; they don't develop their potential, only focus on rhetoric. I don't know what I'm doing in that office. I ask myself that every day. I wonder what I'm doing in my own country when everywhere I go, it's excluded, and I'm excluded too. Whether they care or not—and they should care, if they're even in it—they're hurting me. But all they know is their own interests, pure and simple domination. I'm tired of being disappointed. I wish I didn't have to see the people who claim to be from my country, who say this is their homeland, but their actions tell a different story. Just like my boss, who is the very image of someone who cares about the pain of others at the expense of his own reputation. A truly wretched man, an abuser of other people's suffering, and that's exactly what the people are fed up with. He also creates an internal tyranny that we all have to endure because of what he does. Definitely, there's no worse individual in the world, by God, than a tyrant, and we're all fed up with tyrants in my country now.

I feel so exhausted by life that I don't feel like doing anything, and I don't want to rest. I feel like I have so much to discover, so much to do. I'm getting fed up with seeing content on social media. I want to see what other people think, what other people have done—and I mean good, excellent, wonderful people, not these content creators who, personally, I feel do nothing but create profiles, for goodness sake! It's exciting to see them at first, but the thing is, you realize later that they're not making any contribution, not in terms of language or anything like that. They don't offer any insight, and I don't feel like they're helping me diversify, which is what I'm truly satisfied with. I've recently started following the content of a friend's boss, and personally, as well as my friend's, which I had to access through legal third-party apps, but it's still not the same. It's boring, bitter, and I feel like I have no reason to be there. Their content doesn't offer me anything; it only lets me see their lives, and that's exactly what I never want to be. I categorically feel that I have nothing to do outside of my own life. I don't even like the content posted by a friend of mine, who's also in the same group as the other friend I mentioned. I feel like I have no business being there; I feel like their lives aren't mine. We don't share the same understanding of life under any circumstances. I feel completely tired, exhausted. I feel like I need real authors, people who measure up, like those figures in history who truly presented a fantastic way of seeing the world, who touched hearts. These people, on the other hand, don't do that. They claim to be different, but they aren't. They're not different at all. They just try to be agreeable, to be different from others in terms of feelings, through gestures, but that doesn't translate into words. I'm not happy with my friend, the first one I mentioned, because she doesn't bother to find words to express what she feels. Instead, she leaves me with nothing, with her being unfinished, doing absolutely nothing, unlike me, who's always fussing and fussing over my own definitions. What good is a friend like that to me? I don't feel she's worth it. I don't like her because she doesn't make the effort of her life; instead, she puts a burden on me, and I don't like that. The same goes for another friend. Why do I have to deal with these issues, this inability to develop words? Why weren't their lives ready for me? Weren't they ready for something like this? For a new relationship? And what's it to me? Personally, I'm tired of acting as their parents and I should leave them because they don't seek the tools to keep up with their conversations. I can't believe I'm still with them, tolerating these deficiencies. Good heavens, what kind of life have I created for myself with people like this? Personally, I struggle to keep from falling because they add an extra burden to my life, and I don't want a burden. I want people by my side, people who are developing their language skills, who allow their creativity to flourish. It's not my fault they haven't sought a way to find those support systems.

I'm finally emerging from a feeling of being stuck in a rut that had persisted for months and months. These girls, my friends—the first one I mentioned and another I didn't mention in the previous post—have been a real blow to me. I wasn't expecting them; I hadn't prepared my life for them. I've been putting in so much effort to be the best version of myself, and they only offer verbal support and nothing more. Who knows if they're even aware of it? I'm tired of dwelling on it. I just want to distract myself with something else, but I feel incomplete, always incomplete. There's always this feeling I have to satisfy, precisely because I feel like I have to carry the weight of their lives. I have to visualize where we are completely, so I can truly see them, understand them to the best of my ability. I feel like my life is dedicated to them, to these girls, and that leaving them would be sabotaging their efforts. These girls are already draining me of my life, something my parents couldn't do. I feel like it's the worst thing they've ever done to me, but it's precisely because of seeing them in such a terrible state, abandoned, being one of those who, because of them, couldn't afford to, had to leave them behind. And that's not what it's about. Back then, those circumstances weren't right, but now they are. I don't feel comfortable around these girls, truly. I feel like I'm never up to the task. In fact, I feel like it's unattainable for me, because I can't really see them. My only goal is to establish myself as a citizen, but those are things they know, mainly them, even though they see them.

It's embarrassing to have friends—friends I call friends—who have me blocked, for God's sake. What kind of friendships are these? How is it possible that to view their accounts they have to look through third parties and not through their own accounts? Why on earth do I have to be kept out of it when I've achieved things with them that surely no one else has done, thought of, or dared to do? I don't feel comfortable. I want to fall asleep forever, but there's always this anxiety, this need to do something that at least pleases them, that at least results from concrete and specific contact between us on my part. But that's precisely the problem: they weren't taught to value that, only to be subjected to impositions, absolutely not. Therefore, they understand that this is what they must maintain, for that specific reason. Well, if it's possible, it's because something is keeping it going, it's true, but it's at the cost of a lot of effort. I don't feel any support whatsoever. Why do I have friends who aren't able to support me? It's because if they did, they'd touch on something they shouldn't, since I've already met all their expectations, and supposedly no one does that for them. I feel like I have to eavesdrop on their conversations to see what conclusions they draw about me, those conversations that stem from our interactions. Time really does fly by; I hadn't realized it. Between leaving and coming back, it feels like everything is happening so fast, like it's been nonstop. Well, writing is a bit of a break because it allows me to express myself, but my gestures are completely unpracticed. Nonverbal communication isn't my strong suit. Well, it's something that happens naturally, it's essential, it's fundamental, and it really does require practice.

And wow, it's humiliating to like my friend's boss's social media posts, but it's my only way to access some of those lives, to see what they're all about, because I don't really know what they're like, what they're like. I only know the people in my department, and it's awful. They're not people of achievement, they're not people of reach, they're people of perpetual failure and bitterness. At least my friend there, her boss, and others, have a life that's perhaps more active, driven by success, achievements, sustenance, doing something with that lack, doing office work, not necessarily the main focus, the center of their lives, as it is in my department, and in fact, they try to absorb others by any means necessary. They're monsters in my department, they don't even know how to communicate with each other, they don't know how to hold formations, and they act like they own the place. At least my friend's department isn't full of downtrodden people, but in spirit, they certainly are. My boss has nothing to offer me, no role model, not even a professional profile. He's a complete failure, and I don't want him in my life anymore. He really took advantage of the illusion he created with me, without giving a second thought to the whole situation. I no longer have anyone I can look up to, observe, or admire; I only have myself to rely on. What a failure my relationship with my boss was. I thought it would be different.

I hope the category I chose is okay. This whole year I’ve been struggling for the first time in my life with depression. Not just feeling down but actually depression. Where thoughts of kms pop into my head and when they do they aren’t scary.

I’m so lonely. I have a partner but I don’t have any friends. I can’t seem to make friends. My family does not reach out to me. I have a full-time job but even there I don’t feel close to or really interact with anyone. I know that this loneliness is my fault.

I became so desperate for attention that I tried PAYING someone to GAF. And even then I don’t receive attention that I need. I don’t want to ask for it I want people to WANT to talk to me, to do stuff with me, to hang out with me. My partner comes home from work and is tired and wants to unwind with playing games which is not an unfair thing to want at all, I understand and accept that. But that doesn’t help me feel less lonely.

My love language is physical touch and I crave this so bad. To be wanted. To be desired. To feel beautiful. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to die but I can’t go on with this loneliness much longer. Anytime I talk to my partner about this I end up feeling worse. I have started treatment to get help but it’s not leading anywhere and I’m located in the US where it’s so hard to find mental health care. I tried using a crisis line but it’s AI run so I didn’t feel better with it and ended up just abandoning the chat. I’m so lost. I’m so lonely. I just needed to rant to someone…..

im in college now and of course i got roommates. i was really close with one of them but we fought. i was also close with the other two. let's call the girl that i fought with ella. so we needed to do a group project.

In our group there's a guy that i never ecen talked to before. he wanted to borrow our tablet. i have one and ella have on too. our group have 4 people. ne, the guy, ella and my other rommate.

ella was close to the guy and she was pestering me for 3 days straight asking to use my tablet. i don't like sharing my stuff with strangers especially if it's expensive stuff. so i was in a bad mood on the day of the meeting. we discuss the project at the cafe.

i was clearly in a bad mood and my other teammate (roommate- lucy) came and saw me in a bad mood and she decided to ask everyone in front of me what's my problem because i didn't smile at her, which made me more emotional i guess.

then in our room when everyone is back, i didn't talk to anyone just minding my business. when i went out to go to the toilet i heard lucy crying and calling her parents because i didn't smile at her. because unfortunately i have to smile at her 247. saying i don't know why she's like that until her mom wanted to talk to ella about what happened.

then i decided to confront everyone in the room. i was like "i just wanna say something.." then i saw ella taking off her earbuds and was gonna look but decided to put it back on and turn around. i called her another time and she ignored or maybe just didn't hear me. so i was losing my patience a little and raised my voice a bit. so the whole time yeah my intonation was a bit rude but i didn't curse or anything like that.

it escalated. i told her what i wasnt satisfied with and she kept trying to keep turning away the questions. then at one point she's trying to take control of the situation. i said you weren't even listening to what im saying. And she was like no, you didn't say why you're upset. I've been repeating it like crazy. She said explain again. And i didn't want to waste my time so i didn't.

then she said something like you mind ur own business and i mind mine. so i didn't talk to her ever. her parents are like rich i guess? now she wants to call her parents and make meeting with the "director" idk who. She kept calling her dad and friends in front of me to make sure i heard it.

so my question is, did i do her so bad that she wants to call the "director" andher parents over rhis?

i think, honestly she's mad that i didn't suck up to her or something.

I've gotta travel with my parents this summer and honestly, I'm not feeling it. Every year it's the same ordeal a packed schedule like we're trying to cram the highlight reel of our lives into two weeks. I just want to stay home, chill without having mom's Instagram obsession turn every meal into a photo shoot. And no I'm not some ungrateful brat. I've tried to get into their 'discover-the-world' spirit but come on let's be real—do we really need to see every overpriced tourist trap on this planet?

My parents think these trips are some kind of epic adventure when really they're just dragging us through sanitized versions of culture wrapped in souvenir shops and tourist guides. Yeah culture shock is one thing but forced bonding over scenic selfies is out of control. My dad'll say something like 'seize the opportunity!' and all I can think about is how I'd rather explore my Netflix queue.

I guess part of me feels guilty because they work hard for this stuff, right? But does family time always have to mean synchronized suffering in matching bright shirts across Europe? I say you put this kind of effort into relaxing at home dodging those overcrowded airports.

And the planning ugh... Mom spent three evenings mapping a route as if detours are existential threats. It's almost military-grade efficiency except nobody signed up for boot camp disguised as leisure; relaxing got lost somewhere between her Excel tabs.

Sure fun memories might happen between now and checking boarding passes five hundred times. If they could just lower expectations or let spontaneity breathe maybe I'd find more room for enthusiasm inside cramped itineraries squeezed too tight.

For context, bird refers to women who continuously chase and allow themselves to be mistreated by men and cater to their feelings.

My dad was abusive for years. Physically, emotionally, and sexually. And my mom and him had a rough relationship as well. But no matter how much my dad mistreated us, she stood by him no matter what. It’s infuriating.

I wanted to go to a private school for college because of the awesome engineering program. I had a lot of scholarships, money from the state, and a huge 100k scholarship from the school itself. The school is expensive but it seemed worth it. However, a part of me that held back was the part that knew i would still need my parents help, aka using their veterans status to help me get scholarships and other money. I was very hesitant, and I told my mom and the family counselor about that and they told me “oh no no just think of it as the government giving you money”.

Years later, I get a scholarship to help pay for housing, and my mom approaches me and says stuff like how I should be grateful that I’m in the financial situation that I’m in because it’s all because of my dad. Mind you, she makes double the amount he makes.

She is so predictable. Just a stupid fucking bird. No amount of money undos what he’s done to me. He could pay for my next house and car and I wouldn’t take it. I wish I never went to the university. I wish I stuck to my intuition and went someplace else, so I wouldn’t have to credit him. I just want to drop out and go somewhere else.

I hate them so much. And no one here is going to tell me that I should be gracious. That man and his family have traumatized me and damaged me. His aunt beat me until my eyes were bleeding, damaging my eyes to this day. He would beat me, gaslight me, and molest me for 16 years. There is nothing he can do that would make me accept any sort of apology, financially included. I just don’t want o be indebted to him and I can’t cut contact. I don’t want to lose family but who knows at this point. I don’t know what to do at this point. If anyone has any advice or suggestions, I’d really appreciate it.

It's very difficult for me to let go of that blockade, because it was a bitter experience, very hard for me. Living with that feeling of being blocked for so long was awful, terrible, something I never want to relive. It's horrible to be blocked at your own workplace; it's dreadful. You feel completely excluded, marginalized, out of touch, without any appreciation whatsoever, especially when the authorities do absolutely nothing. It's unbelievable, the lack of consideration is brutal. But of course, the point is that being blocked, in a way, doesn't necessarily mean you're blocked. The fact that a communication channel is closed doesn't necessarily mean communication has been cut off. It's necessary to adapt the relationship to the situation, especially if there's a work-related aspect involved, in order to make the whole thing truly effective. My friend decided to dedicate herself to it, to commit herself fully. She couldn't allow her efforts to be wasted. She was actually looking out for us, for the work; she acted collaboratively with it, and she certainly did a great deal of good. Of course, I'm speaking from my own perspective, and legally speaking, I'm as clean as the paper it's written on.

What happened at the office was a nightmare. Because of this mental block, I've felt dizzy, like I'm having trouble moving around normally, like I always do. I've had to be indifferent to certain situations, and I feel like it's been harder for me to be at the office because those cases where there are possibilities, where there are resources, aren't being taken into account. In fact, I feel like, because of this mental block, I'm sacrificing my work for the sake of us. But something has to be done; we can't just pretend nothing is happening, not at all. It's difficult for me to get around at work with this block, because I also feel that there will be times when it will be necessary to contact my friend, but the bosses themselves think it's not necessary, when it is, it is, it's not a matter of putting up with it, of pretending nothing is happening, I'm made invisible in my work spirit, it's made clear that I'm not part of the coworkers, I'm excluded from the office for good, with that block, I'm left out, and a few simple hugs don't make a difference. I don't sit in the office because I'm not part of the whole office, because I've been completely restricted from one part, and an office is all of its parts. But I don't think they understand that at all. I've definitely had to live like that, marginalized, outside the office, and nobody has noticed at all. And if I do say something, people will focus not on ethics, but on immediate consequences, because I don't perform any specific function. They don't think about the worst-case scenario, but rather about the current normality, something I used against my boss to corner him, to make his arbitrariness his worst nightmare, because that's precisely where his problems came from—when I stood up for him, when I was able to recognize when he was out of control, and in that way, expose his tyrannical spirit once and for all.

Anyway, I don't feel like I belong in that office, and what it says on paper is a complete lie. It's barely a payroll. I think I sought it out lately to lessen the marginalization as much as possible, simply trying to make her my friend at all costs so I'd feel compensated for it. After several blocks, of course, after going through so much, in a desperate attempt to avoid feeling trapped, I don't think the authorities understand this at all. They can be however they want, their senses can act as they please, they can do whatever they want because they're pleased by others, by her, but as far as I'm concerned, I'm definitely dispensable, not at all. Seeing her post in the group chat hurts because I have to live at the mercy of uncertainty, have to find third parties to talk to her, and also find myself under her restrictions, just like what happened with my boss. I feel like I tore my boss to shreds by not standing up for me against this marginalization, by trying to silence her at all costs, by not doing anything about it. Well, resorting to aggressive, coercive tactics with her was the last straw and made me do everything possible to bring that criminal spirit to light.

In that office, they know absolutely nothing about mental health, and I have to navigate this constant tension to prevent them from telling me to just ignore her. They're not interested in human resources, they don't care, it's not a concern for them at all. They're completely out of touch with what a work structure is, and for that reason, I'm not going to waste my breath on them.

Let them resolve their problems and issues among themselves; after all, they are the ones who know best. Personally, I feel I can live without this girl, friend, whatever she is—it's shameful to call someone a friend who fired me, who got me fired, without any justification, in defense of my rights, even though I was well-placed. But I was never going to stop being a good citizen for her sake; in fact, I was going to strengthen my commitment, I was going to act as best I could, all to do my part, which, by the way, was appreciated later on at the company. But it wasn't free; it came at the cost of everyone now being embroiled in conflict, of a living hell being sown. Of course, I moved pieces, I moved funds. I think if the law had helped me, it would have created even worse problems for others, unfortunately. But seeing how I acted to do my part, to promote the greatest possible harmony on her part, and seeing how that company became a hellhole instead, with that girl, that feeling that I'm okay with her, within my means, and they aren't, is something I somehow feel. That's more rewarding than the law, because somehow it makes them feel like I do, that feeling of being singled out, that feeling of her being with you and you not knowing why, that feeling of being disoriented. It's gratifying that they're finally putting themselves in my shoes. And what's even more gratifying is the risk of her blocking me again, so that this girl will come face to face with someone she'll actually be afraid of, someone who will make her face the consequences of her actions. It's exposing her to someone with whom things aren't easy, by having the fights she's currently having at the company, putting everyone at risk of something happening, of turning everything into a living hell, of making them feel like they can't take it anymore. Seeing that point makes me feel completely relieved, because it makes me see that they're going through what I did, and that no one else saw. Ironically, even though I'm the one who could talk the most, I do nothing. I turn a blind eye, just like they did to me.

As for my boss, well, let him see what life is like, let it play tricks on him, let it put him in the middle of anger, in the middle of something that shouldn't have happened, let it make him lose everything, let it disturb his peace. That's what my last moments with him were like, and by the way, in his case, it really weighs heavily on him, it's enough to make that office his tomb. He doesn't care about my peace, and I'll do the same to him. He used to make a living by turning a blind eye and creating problems for me, with the girl doing her thing with me, without him seeing a thing. Now the situation has changed. Now I'm him with him, and the girl is doing things with him. The roles have changed, so that once and for all, they learn to respect me. Unlike all of them, I'm perfectly legal, but they aren't, not among themselves, and I'm not going to do anything about it to protect him. I'll turn my back on them. It's their problem if they come out looking good or bad; let them see what they do to me.

I couldn't let my friend be harmed. I couldn't let a legal trick by the bosses take her away from me, especially since they encouraged this behavior. Their malicious actions, exploiting loopholes and turning a blind eye, allowed her to do whatever she wanted, without any limitations whatsoever. No one said a word to her unless she was backed into a corner. It wasn't fair. My friend was completely closed off. I can't say I obstructed the law because there was no open case or authority that could intervene, no relevant authority whatsoever. But I was going to find a way to protect my friend. We were developing a close relationship, and I wasn't going to let them take her away from me. I don't conspire with everyone, and it's not fair that I should lose my friends, especially one who guided me through those blocks, who prevented my bosses from finding me out as a harasser or abuser, even if that wasn't the case, but she protected me, she cared for me, and she also got me out of the clutches of this controlling boss I had. That definitely had to have some value; I mean, I felt like she was blocking me. The office blockades, and the way they were implemented, are against the law, indeed. However, I can't say I defended them, but I did everything I could to be with my friend, for us to become friends. I finally had that opportunity, and she was acting on it, so I protected her at all costs. I made my boss show his true colors, what he was made of, how he played with people's health, how he played with the rules and all that. He wasn't going to be seen as the hero of the greater good when he never earned it. He was going to use the girl as a prize, to completely deflect attention, to enforce the law as he wanted in his favor, abusing my friend's process of us becoming friends, of us being together. I confess, it's incredibly difficult to reason, especially after the writer's block. I still feel it, it makes me want to do something else while I write, it makes me want to run away from these words. I wasn't going to let my boss get away with it, especially when his work affected millions of people, turning them into some kind of commodity or something. I wasn't going to allow it. However, despite everything, I chose to act silently, calmly, so that I would always be protected. It's fine that she's my friend, but I also need my own legal protection to act, and I acted accordingly. Well, I feel that somehow I'm lifting my gaze, my head, after observing the block. I feel that somehow I was stuck there all this time, for quite a few months, and I mean quite a few. I feel that I can finally turn away and focus on something else.

That situation, with her as the aggressor, definitely hasn't stopped, and I don't know if anyone can take action. The truth is, I got out of it. Besides, if my boss reported me, it would ruin the rest of the office, just as he wanted, to save himself from everyone else's disgrace. He wanted to make me face the consequences of his actions, of being a scoundrel who manipulated the bureaucracy as he pleased, just like he did with me, manipulating promises. I had to weigh up the options: was it him getting away with it, doing whatever he wanted, destroying the lives of millions of people, or acting for the girl, who had me completely blocked at the office, but who was something I could live with. At least it would allow me to do something about my boss, who was already distracted, and put him in his place once and for all. The guy took me and did whatever he wanted with me, without my permission, under the guise of institutional protection, claiming it was abandonment. The girl can unblock me if she wants, just by saying so, but of course, that will raise other suspicions about other situations. However, that's not my problem anymore. I can only look out for myself, try to minimize the legal intervention while something can still be done, always under her watch, of course. Wow, I've spent so much time staring at that blocked phone; it's like it absorbed me completely, for God's sake. Somehow, that blocked phone led me to see the office, to get me out of there, to throw me out of its confines through my perception, to see where I was. It was the last straw, madness. I feel like I can finally see the office in the distance, as it always should have been. What a misfortune to have worked with such a corrupt boss, where I always had to turn a blind eye. The guy was clearly an abuser. What a relief to finally feel free from that mental block. I never thought I'd overcome it. I feel like it somehow forced me to strain my eyes, to look at everything, to describe it. I finally feel good, after so long. I couldn't file a complaint, but the authorities have been good.

Definitely, this attempt they were making to finally expose my boss, to show that he was doing whatever he wanted with the paperwork, was something I had to fully support, because he was truly corrupt. In fact, it seems to me that he wasn't applying any methodology or anything like that on purpose, with the aim of dismantling the current administration; rather, everything was learned on the fly. In other words, it was all intentional, and now I understand why they were trying to smear me, because I would see the things that would clearly expose them. The guy thought I wouldn't act based on my own knowledge, that I would take it all in stride, but that wasn't the case. I was always informed about everything, seeing the big picture. I wasn't going to let my friend be led astray and thus tear the administration to shreds. He'd also wanted to dismantle the other department we shared with for some time now, to do things his way. He was a criminal, from every point of view, undeclared, not protected by bureaucracy; however, this young woman wasn't acting criminally, she wasn't marginalizing me in any way, she was guiding me, making full use of the arrangement we had. She was acting with complete sanity, unaware that the law would see it as marginalization, and what she was doing wasn't marginalization. The blockade was simply defining our relationship within our environment, in the office, safeguarding it, making it possible, preventing it from collapsing, of course, for the absolute benefit of the hierarchy as a facilitator of information. Anything beyond work would be dangerous, it would inflame things. I couldn't allow my boss's opinion to dictate the matter, a clear abuse of external influence.

Frankly, I'm afraid to discuss this with an AI, to make arguments, because the issue doesn't apply. For her to be marginalizing me with a block shows a complete lack of understanding of the very essence of a block. The button says "block," but that doesn't mean communication is blocked. On the contrary, it allows, it shapes, it structures. That's crucial to understand. This isn't about just any relationship; it's about applying it to the relationship itself. That's the point. I wasn't going to let her effort go to waste. In fact, she's not being provocative with me at all; quite the opposite. She's helping the relationship flourish, even professionally. What she did was perfectly fine, despite any prejudices. She acted in favor of the job, its stability, so we could be together, so that work wouldn't be an obstacle in any way. She acted for us. Wow, it's hard for me to say this because the whole "block button" thing is often interpreted as a complete block, when it's not always like that. Because, I insist, it guides, coordinates, and establishes a form of communication that expresses a "no" that isn't appropriate. My boss wasn't going to abuse that, and I wasn't going to try to gain power over her. She's my friend, I love her very much.