Life Stories and Everyday Drama

I’m 20 years old.

I’m a guy, and up to this day I’ve never had sex. Not because I never wanted to, and not because I don’t have desires or feelings. I simply live in a country where people and the government are extremely sensitive about anything related to sex, to the point that a person has to hide their natural needs like they’re committing a crime.

To be honest, I’ve always been attracted to women older than me. Women who are more mature, experienced, and emotionally intelligent. But every time, there’s either fear of being judged, social restrictions, or the feeling that even having these desires is somehow forbidden.

Sometimes the loneliness becomes exhausting. Pretending everything is normal while inside you’re full of desire, curiosity, frustration, and emotional pressure.

I honestly don’t know what the solution is.

I don’t know how someone is supposed to deal with these feelings when there’s neither the possibility of a healthy relationship nor the freedom to even talk openly about it.

If anyone has advice, experiences, or any kind of solution, I’d genuinely appreciate hearing it.

hey there, I'm a 41-year-old woman juggling life with a big family, five kids to be exact. ever since I first became a mom, this nagging thought about death has been tagging along like an uninvited guest that's overstayed its welcome. I mean, what if one day I'm just not there because of something as random as a car accident? it’s wild how those "what if" questions creep into your mind, right? can’t help but worry sometimes whether I’ve set things up for them if I suddenly tap out. sounds morbid, I know, but I also figure it's kind of a natural concern. sharing this because I bet there are many out there, riding the same anxiety train; it helps just a little bit knowing you're not alone in this grim headspace.

so, any tricks to stop thinking about this heavy stuff? i've tried mindfulness and staying busy, binge-watching those feel-good family movies, or reading light books. focusing on celebrating the little moments, the crazy family dinners, and the kids’ goofy antics; even their toothless grins on picture day make you remember why life is sweet. some folks say practice gratitude, although I sometimes wonder if missing a day would somehow jinx my luck. 🤷‍♀️ ever heard of "don’t borrow trouble"? it’s kind of my new mantra! so, why stress about things that might never happen? death is part of life, sure, but living for today is kinda what makes each moment precious. maybe one day these dues will stop fucking rent-free in my head and just let me savor the good shit for a change? thoughts?

I FUCKING HATE MENNNN ISTG. Story time you guysss!!

So I had this talking stage. We were doing so good at first but ig his ass decided that he was js fucking infatuated. Yeah, that’s fine, I’m cool w it, BUT THEN, HE’S STILL FUCKING KEEPING ME AROUND ALL WHILE FLAMING ME IN HIS GODDAMN REPOSTTTTT. ISTG WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG W Y’ALL, LIKE IF YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED NO MORE JUST FUCKING TELL US, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!!!! IS IT THAT HARD? LITERALLY JUST TYPE OUT “hey, just to let you know I’m no longer interested in continuing whatever this is between us. I’m sorry” LIKE HELLO, DOES THAT HURT YOUR FUCKING EGO TOO MUCH OR WHAT?? AND YOU EXPECT ME TO NOT GET MAD WHEN YOU’RE LITERALLY SILENT QUITTING AND I’M FUCKING LEFT HERE TRYNA FIGURE OUT IF WE’RE FINE OR WHATTTTTT. So, to all men out there who’s talking to a woman and you are no longer interested, just tell them and do not lead them on. You’re holding them back from progressing btw. If you’re here reading this, fuck you for doing me wrong btw.

I’m a pretty self aware person. I’ve done a lot of healing over the past few years and I’m pretty good at identifying my behaviors and all the stuff.

I still struggle to understand what are normal social things and just things you have to get over. And one of the things is the fact my boyfriend and my best friend discuss me.

My best friend told me at the beginning that when they conversate, I have permission at any point to ask and view their messages. And honestly I have no worries of any affairs or cheating.

However me and my friend got heated because she was continuing to push me on something when i repeatedly told her to stop. Long story short, there were tears and i eventually told my bf what happened.

He confronted my friend and askedwhy she was upsetting me and to cut it out, which i did really appreciate, because clearly she wasn’t listening to me when I told her to stop. And they talked about it and all, and he defended me throughout, which is really awesome, especially since I didn’t know about this, and I appreciate that I have someone who has my back even when I’m not there.

But when my friend was showing me, or at least, reading them, I asked her if I could just read it myself. And she said that it felt like a breach of privacy and joked that they talked shit about me and talk about me, which made me uncomfortable. And the fact that it’s a breach of privacy when it’s me who’s being discussed, makes me uncomfortable of what they could be talking about, because these things could be discussed with me.

I know they discussed how frustrated they were about my housing situation, and how I was being dumb about it. It just makes me not want to tell them anything, and I feel like I can’t trust what they reveal about me. I feel like their project and child, when I’m a human being who has feelings and if you feel the need to hide feeling like that and band together to discuss it, it makes me feel like they’re hiding things from me, secret feelings and gripes and I have to watch them grow to resent me or complain about me.

Is this ok? Like talking about me without me knowing? If it is then I can learn to get over it and not take it personally but if it’s not, I’d like to know, so I can share these feelings with them. Because my nervous system is telling me to never trust them with anything about me, and to leave them in the dark so they can’t use what I entrust them with, against me. But I know that it only hurts the relationship and “protects” me.

Any thoughts?

Customers nowadays really do complain about the stupidest things.

Now, im a mcdonalds employee, for some reason we really attract all the brain dead people. Ive just had a Customer complain about me specifically because he couldn't "see his number on the screen" (the one screen that shows order numbers).

Yeah thats it. Thats the complain.

Even though he got his order in less than 5 minutes, all fresh, nothing missing, its not good enough i guess cause his number was not on the screen 🤷

now i have to face my manager tomorrow to talk about it because i was mentioned in the negative review 🤦 obviously im not gonna get fired from this, but im anxious and stressed as hell now because of this. What the fuck am i supposed to say? I didnt think the screen was that big of a deal. God, stupid people will complain about ANYTHING.

That customer probably just went on a power trip, cause who the hell complains about that?! Its such a nothing burger.

It doesn't help that management takes negative reviews so seriously 🙄 theyre definitely gonna have a talk with me about this and— uggghhh, thanks a lot random adult ass man you made my anxiety go up i cant even sleep right now and im on the verge of tears.

i’m 27 and i’m a man and i swear sometimes it feels like i was born with some invisible warning sign on my face saying do not love this guy?? like what the hell am i doing so wrong?? during all my studies i had no girlfriend, not one, not even some dumb little almost thing that people talk about like “yeah we kinda dated for 2 months” no, nothing, zero, empty, just me watching everyone else get texts, hugs, kisses, drama, breakups, all that normal human shit while i was just there pretending i didn’t care. i did care. i cared so much it made me feel pathetic. now i’ve been working for 5 years in a big nice company, good job, clean office, tons of people, and yeah there are a lot of single girls around my age and still somehow i’m invisible. i talk, i joke, i try not to be weird, i dress decent, i smell good, i’m not some cave troll, but it’s like they can feel something off and they just keep me in that safe boring box. “he’s nice” yeah thanks, nice means nothing. nice means you are a chair. nice means they will ask you for help with something then go flirt with some random loud asshole two desks away. and i’m not saying girls owe me anything, before someone starts that bullshit, i know they don’t. i just don’t understand how a guy can try for so many years and get absolutely nothing back?? not one girl looking at me like i matter?? not one girl choosing me?? am i really that hard to want??

i go out with my friends too, it’s not like i sit home crying every weekend, even tho honestly sometimes i want to. we go to bars, birthdays, after work stuff, stupid crowded places where you have to yell just to say hi, and my friends always tell me “just be confident bro” like wow thanks genius, never thought of that!!! then i watch them talk to girls for five minutes and suddenly they’re laughing and touching arms and exchanging numbers, meanwhile i’m standing there with my drink feeling like some background npc in my own damn life. one time a girl talked to me for like twenty minutes and i thought maybe finally, maybe i’m not cursed, then she asked if my friend was single. i laughed like it was fine but inside i wanted to disappear into the floor. another time a coworker told me i’m “such a good guy” and then started dating a guy from another department who treats her like garbage, and i know this sounds bitter because yeah, i am bitter. i’m tired of pretending i’m above it. i’m lonely as hell. i want someone to text me good morning, someone to miss me, someone to pick me first for once. is that so fucking crazy?? people act like wanting love is desperate, but everyone wants it, they just don’t look desperate because they already got some. i don’t want pity love. i don’t want someone to force herself. i just want to know why nobody ever naturally wants me. maybe i’m ugly in a way mirrors don’t show. maybe i’m boring. maybe my vibe is broken. maybe i’m too needy even when i say nothing. i don’t know anymore. i just know i’m 27 and every year this feels heavier, like i missed some train everyone else got on at 16 and now i’m just running behind it like an idiot 😒 so yeah, am i unlovable?? or am i just unlucky?? because after studies, after 5 years of working, after going out, after trying to be better, after watching everyone else get chosen over and over, it really starts to feel personal!!!!

I hate myself so fucking much. And no I'm not just saying this bullshit to be emo I'm saying it in a way where everytime I look in the mirror I'm genuinley disgusted at what I see.

I hate my body, the way I've got a rectangle body shape. I know it's not a desired one and many people want a girl with a waist. I hate the way my chest looks ugly and small, I hate the way my shoulders are wide, I hate my hip dips and my lack of ass. I hate the way I look without makeup. I hate the way I talk, I hate the way I smile. I hate the way my teeth are crooked and one of them had a gap in it. I hate that I'm scared of intimacy because I'm scared if my partner ever sees my body that they'll be as disgusted as I am when I see myself in the mirror. I draw a blade across my skin with every thought of disgust I get. I hate the way I'm scared of somebody ever seeing me naked. So much that it keeps me up at night. I stare at other girls bodies and silently curse myself because why couldn't I be like them? Why couldn't I be pretty, why couldn't I be curvy. Why couldn't I be happy with who I am and what I look like. I know why, I know it's because I'm insecure and scared. Sometimes I think to myself that I would be better if I was a man, maybe then my features would fit my gender. Nobody wants to date a feminine girl that doesn't have the figure to be feminine. I hate that I can't cry so instead I resort to addictions. Alcohol abuse, vaping, self harm. Suicide attempts. No matter what I do I still can't be pretty. I try so fucking hard, to be pretty, I wear makeup, I suck in my stomach, I press in my ribs hoping they'll break so I can get a better figure because nobody desires mine. They see my face and make up stories in their mind of a petit, small waisted, curvy girl. But no. I'm not. And for that reason I hate myself.

ever catch yourself giving someone the stink eye at work and think, "ugh, why am I such a judgy jerk?" well, that's me, like, all the time, seriously. it's like, every day, I roll into work, and instead of focusing on my sh*t, I'm busy mentally dissecting everyone else's choices like I'm some kind of self-appointed expert on life decisions; 🙄 like, who made me the boss of everyone, right?

i mean, don't get me wrong, I don't actually hate my coworkers. they're alright, mostly just doing their jobs and trying to get through the day like everyone else. but for some reason, I'm always finding myself internally tearing them to shreds over the dumbest stuff. this one guy, john, he's always eating tuna salad sandwiches that smell like they were fished out of a sewer; drives me nuts. but do I really need to mentally critique his lunch habits every damn day? no, I don't, but here I am, internally screaming about the smell, as if my opinions really matter.

i know it's toxic, and I'm pretty sure it reflects more on me than on anyone else. it's just so freaking hard not to sit there and mentally tally up everyone else's perceived sh*tness. maybe it's because I'm dissatisfied with my current role or even with where I am in life? like, am I projecting my insecurities onto these people or what? 🤔 it's honestly tiring, always being in crit mode and feeling like nothing and no one around me is up to par. can't help but think back to when my old boss would say, "if you're pointing fingers, remember there are three fingers pointing back at you, kid." classic, huh?

all these late-night thoughts about my internal monologue being one endless critique session got me googling "how to stop being a judgy b*tch?" 😂 and okay, sure, there’s all this motivational stuff about self-awareness and mindfulness. but let's face it, who’s got time for meditating when all you want is a damn coffee break? there's this one article I read that said to switch focus and appreciate what's good about people instead of nit-picking their flaws. sure, sounds legit. but when you've been marinating in judgmental soup for years, turning that ship around feels like trying to convince a cat to take a bath.

so, here I am, asking y'all; does anyone else struggle with this judgy mindset? do you get lost in headspace that's all about what others are doing wrong while totally ignoring your own mess? it's almost like I need some sort of mental reboot. I think it would help if I could see everyone as multidimensional humans instead of one-dimensional punchlines for my inner critic's cheap jokes. any tips, tricks, or straight-up reality checks? maybe I need a mantra or some sh*t. anything that’d make the workplace feel less like a silent version of b*tchy reality show confessions. honestly, any advice or your own frustrating stories might help. can't be the only one facing this daily mental drain. looking forward to hearing from fellow judgers in recovery.

Little pick up after last vent or what not i wanted to vent to a friend and then well because she said if i was feeling like shit to talk to her or her/ our mutual friend and then when i ask doesn’t respond but responds to other i just feel useless i thought we were friends and then i i just get betrayed and you know whats worse i knew this was gonna happen at some point to like it always does theres only so much pattern recognition i can do and to be always right is fucking irritating like why cant i be wrong why do i have to be right every time meet someone new connect and then they leave like bruh at this its just a seehow many times i can be right game whats the point of friends whats the point of relationships if at the end of the day when they need help i help but when i need it i never get right fuck my life theres a reason why i just do it solo and bottle up my emotions man i wish i just never had them whats the point of it if i never had emotions then i can truly just be fine with being alone and not here voices and have shitty self esteem issue god i hate people

I honestly don't know what else to do... I'm so tired of fighting for my relationship. He has a *orn addiction and I have already caught him 2x in the past and last night yet again, I found that he is still watching and engaging with it. I haven't confronted him yet, but honestly I don't see the point anymore - it's just clear that he doesn't care enough about me or our family to stop. His excuse the last the 2x was because he was angry at me and seeking/watching that stuff was his only way to release. He didn't seem like he was sorry about it, just embarrassed that he got caught yet again and didn't get away with it. I accepted his half-hearted apology for the sake of my baby boy... I want this relationship to work so our son doesn't have to grow up w/out his father, I lived it and wouldn't wish it on anyone. But I'm just so tired of accepting the emotional abuse, the mental abuse, the heart break day after day. I deserve to be loved loudly whole-heartedly...right?

So the thing is I'm in first year in my engineering college and 2nd sem. So I kinda used to run into this guy like rarely while commuting to college in public bus and like barely see him at college and I like him. And then at like my 3rd last exam went to him and asked his name, his department and told him my name. If I remember I used to have eye contacts with him like from my pov and then I get like 3 day gap for each exam and on the last day of exam which was like almost 6-7 days after I asked him his name he sent me req in insta and I accept his req. And then he texted me first too and asked why I asked him his name. I told him I wanted to get to know him seriously and we kinda ended up talking and realized we both kinda have same interest and hobbies. So I ended up asking if we could meet up and we met 2 times during the break and so he walked me home during these 2 meetups and when I told him about my case he told me he doesnt remember me at bus but rather used to see me sometimes during canteen from faraway and like most times my back. And it's been like 17 days or smth and now he doesnt text me first and college started from this week's monday and I asked him about text he says I find it boring to text and like I dont know what to say so I dont text. And when I asked him about how he should also ask me to meet up instead of me only he said you should plan the meetups. But then again when I'm with him he mirrors my way of talking like yesterday when I went like mhmm he goes like mhmmm and I went mhmm mhmm and then he also went like mhmmm mhmmm and then another time when I went like ahaa he goes like ahaaa too. And then he walked me home too yesterday? Like he goes like probably I need to go with you too. And then he told me how he used his money which was given to him to buy jacket to eat with me when we met up 2 times in the holiday and during the meet up at holiday he even held my bag like the stuff till I got home and we even shared the same umbrella and yesterday he got on bus and like asked if I wanted the window seat before sitting down by extending his hands and then he also kinda avoids eye contact with me but like we shared the same food, like I mean he ate from the same spoon as me and so I met him today at bus while traveling to college and he sat beside me and then again he avoided eye contact like talked straightly without turning to my side and so I don't know anymore. I'm just overthinking and overthinking. He also mentioned how he downloaded insta and tiktok to follow me and said like how he first just wanted to ask me why I asked his name and then somehow it's like this. What should I do????? This shit so confusing me.

Honestly i wanna end it like honestly i feel like no one cares and even if they did i know id just be memory after a long time so it doesn’t even matter im going insane like idk dude i hear voices and audible and sometimes visual shit fucking terrifies me like dude and my low self worth thats in the negatives i hate my self i feel like im the cause of my fathers death and he died in front of me i seen him die when i was twelve and i was a failure as a child a disappointment i dont even see myself as human im just spare parts with a price tag lien the only thing worth is my organs eyes and whatever else like thats how worthless i am and no one ever chooses me and well im at the edge and idk anymore ima be honest ima keep botteling this up like samething with friends im not someone s best friend i just exist god sometimes i cant wait till i die and if i kill myself im gonna do it with life insurance so i could finally be able to do something for once in my life god

After a couple of months of dealing with unemployement I’ve found out a job. But it’s not truly what I’m looking for so my plan is to keep it until the end of the month and then look for something else. The only good thing is that I don’t hold any kind of debt.

I think that I wanna work like a freelance on my area under my own rules. But I’m not the kind of person to record a stupid TikTok or even create a site on ig or similar sites, lately I’ve been about my digital footprint too.

On the otherhand I really like to stick on a routine but when unemployement hits sometimes it’s hard to keep the track of it too. But I’m trying to do some kind of exercise, maybe run at least.

The funny thing is that from time to time I got some kind of migraine which is unbearable.

But life is full of hope and I believe in happier times again.

I've been very frustrated with myself as of late. I've been in a position where I have been forced to give promises to other people that I can be better. I don't like lying to people and being dishonest so it's been really hard for me to try and be something I feel like I can't promise myself to be. Don't get me wrong I do want to be a better person and have been trying to be better. I have put efforts to fixing my flaws but they have all been in vain. For example, let's say I have a deadline, i force myself to wake up early in the morning so i can try to get things done and have more time for myself but I cannot bring myself to get on my laptop and do the actual thing. It's really frustrating because I can't bring my body to do the things I need to get done. I don't particularly enjoy what I study but I have a passion to be decent at whatever I am doing. Things are not going well for me and to a level, I'm really lost on what I can do for things to change. Ideally, I take a gap year or whatever and get to rethink everything but I feel not entitled that privilege of being able to slow down. In a sense, I feel like even if I take charge for myself nothing about my situation will change. I think I've let go of the hope that kept me going and just letting life take me where i deserve to be.

My life is a mess.

I don't feel like I deserve calling it that way since a lot of people would point out that I don't match the criteria to complain.

Since when do I need to ask for permission to feel miserable? So, here I am, complaining somewhere that I won't feel judged.

Well, as I mentioned, my life is not exactly ideal.

I am studying to be a doctor. This is the root of my misery.

I was a very artistic, introspective child that had a clear inclination towards math and physics and still am. I loved physics, I was also good at it. On the other hand I always hated biology, I found it uninteresting.

I wanted to become an architect but my father wanted me to become a doctor. He didn't exactly force me, but I couldn't disappoint him, he is the person that I love the most in this world. I wanted to be an architect like him, we could work together and continue his firm.

I started studying for med school, I couldn't believe it that I was actually doing it. I always screamed that I would never become a doctor and well, there I was fighting hard for something I never wanted.

I didn't get in. I felt devastated. I got into another university , a nice one, but it wasn't med school. I considered that my happiness required med school which is a dumb thought as I later realised.

I tried again. I did it to prove myself that I have freedom. I won't submit to my fear, my exhaustion.

I got in but I felt miserable. I was happy my effort paid off but I lost a year of my life, my teenage years and my dreams.

The first months into med school I seemed to be doing great. I had friends, I was doing good at uni, I was partying, I was dating someone. Internally I was crying. My father realised it, the only one who finally saw it, and told me that he shouldn't have pressured me ever and that it is never late to just do whatever I want for once.

I won't abandon med school, it is kind of late. Maybe after it I can study something I actually like. It isn't exactly that I hate it, but I feel like I killed that young child that had hopes and dreams in its eyes. This is what I did! I betrayed myself for nothing. I may have compromised in my life but that's enough. I can't live like this anymore, no.

I miss my old ones. The only person I cared about left me and now I have an exam period threatening me. I couldn't focus this semester since I was mourning my failed relationship and my life in general. I feel so alone and misunderstood. Most of my connections here seem shallow and I don't want to make the ones I trust worried about me.

You get one life and I decided to live it that way, a way that didn't fit me, I already knew it, I way that doesn't include the people I love.