Life Stories and Everyday Drama

I feel like a terrible person. I talk about my emotions and feelings so loosely all the time but when I got upset by his actions and words I couldn’t help but feel terrible. As a friend im supposed to support him as much as I can but what if that’s too much? I don’t want him to hurt himself anymore. He phrased his pain as something completely normal and tried to tell me how funny it is. Instead of laughing along with his message, I leave the chat. Why am I so affected by other peoples actions and pain. I let time pass, acting normal as if my head isn’t spinning from how awful I feel that i didn’t support him. Then I spend the night at his house. We have a completely fun and normal day until the middle of the night. We are laying there in the dark when he asks about that day. That day where instead of comforting him after the things he did to himself, I just left. I am a very honest girl and he is my best friend so I tell the full truth. I tell him that in that moment I didn’t have the heart to tell him to stop hurting himself because it was hurting me. I feel such big emotions all the time but I should be helping him instead of only thinking of myself. As I tell him everything, how I cried and felt so much guilt, I hear him say something that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. “You are going to be the first friend to see me cry.” Those words echo in my mind all the time now. Since the lights were off I could see the tears falling down his face. I couldn’t help but hug him and comfort him as I try not to cry loud that he would hear me. For a while after that I couldn’t get the thought out of my head. “You made him cry because of your emotions. You are a terrible person.” Today these thoughts have lessened but they are still there in the back of my mind. Recently he told me that he wasn’t crying because he felt alone in that situation, but that he was grateful that I cared about him and upset at the fact that I was that impacted by his words. I know I am a good person, but something in me says otherwise. I am constantly reminded of that night and I can’t help the way my mind perceives the way I am as a person. I feel like a terrible person.

Some days, i wonder, why doesn't anyone love me?.. i'm 21, trying to figure out life like everyone else. but what's the deal? it's like, i see others my age, having everything handed to them both relationship-wise and life-wise, and here i am, struggling just to get a second glance. isn't love supposed to be the one thing that sets our hearts racing? i mean, i try to put myself out there, but it never seems to work out. maybe it's just bad luck or the fact that i don't clearly see what's going on. who knows, right? it feels like i'm missing out on something that's supposed to be so natural and fulfilling. i'm just over here, raising an eyebrow and questioning what it is that i'm doing so wrong.

every time i try to figure it out, i hit this wall of confusion. 😕 is it me? or do i have this unwritten sign that screams, "not worth it"? i doubt i have, but who can really say? maybe i just don't fit the mold that everyone else is looking for, and that leaves me sort of stuck. 😐 sure, i'm independent, and all that jazz, but what's it really for if there's anyone to share it with? life can be such a curious thing…i confess that i find myself comparing to those around me, seeing all the love they get while i'm left empty-handed. is it weird that i think about this so much?

so here i am, swirling in a sea of uncertainty, trying to decipher this tangled mess... can anyone relate? it’s hard not to crave that one person who makes everything feel complete. seems like everyone has their person when i don't have mine. is it just me, or is this whole "finding love" thing more of a game than anything else? i just wanna know if there's a piece i'm not seeing or a clue i'm missing. by the way, if finding love is like playing hide and seek, then i'm definitely not winning. 😩 still, i remind myself to hang in there and not lose hope. surely, somewhere out there, there's someone for me too.

ending this vent to thank whoever stayed till the end. i guess i'm here asking all these questions to maybe grasp some sense of it all. does anyone else feel like you’re the only one not getting love? i'll keep on trucking, even if the road is a bit rocky. love's supposed to be worth it, right? i just want to believe that one day, i'll finally get to experience what it's like to be loved unconditionally. until then, i'll try not to dwell too much on why no one seems to love me. thanks for reading...

i’ve been thinking about SH for a while since i last did it (a month ago). it always feels refreshing and takes my mind off of all the other problems i have in life. i want to get help but i feel like im not valid for lots of reasons. i have only cut twice and they never bled or left scars before, i am pretty young, i feel like i am part of the reason why my mental health is so bad too. i cannot handle school anymore even though i have no elective classes anymore in school. i feel like people will downplay my mental health because of how i am. i usually have all good grades and i look fine most of the time which i feel like makes it seem like i am okay. to make it worse i have a twin sister who has similar problems to me but it is more evident so she gets more attention to her problems than i do. only one of my friends and my mom realize i dont eat anything anymore. i usually just eat around 2-3 bags of the smallest hot cheeto size bags everyday and sometimes soda and some dumplings. i dont feel fat or that i want to starve myself, i genuinely just forget to eat. i also want to dress gothic so badly but im worried about what people will think and about money. i have lots of friends yet i feel so alone and that i cant talk to anyone fully about how i feel. i have only talked to someone about this 3 times before. my friend has told me she worries about me all the time because she knows i downplay when im sad and dont talk about my feelings to anyone. when im sad i typically dont show it and just be alone, when im overwhelmed or stressed i panic and start crying. i sometimes want to cut my legs or arms harder so my parents will notice and take me to a mental facility so i can get away from everything. i feel like everyday nothing matters and im starting to lose interest in the things i like. i have only been focusing on school so i wont get bored and one game and show. i stopped drawing and have been having major artblock recently. something i do all the time now is i go on gacha life 2 and make different designs of my fav characters or oc’s or write fanfics so i can focus everything onto them rather than do nothing. i genuinely want something bad to happen to me so i can get help. i stopped talking to my friends a lot and i haven’t hung out with any of them for a month. i’ve started to not feel like eating any of my safe foods which has been stressing me out because i eat most of the time because im bored and can literally not do anything else. i have only 2-3 safe foods and im starting to get bored of them. i feel so empty all the time.

My MIL is an unhappy person who always complains about everybody and everything. It is loke she is trained to dislike and see the worst in everybody. She gives nonstop advice. She gives shallow compliments. But she has health problems too and she just wants to be needed. I love her and am exhausted by her at the same time. I want to tell her that she is alienating everyone with her unhappiness. I wish I could help her see the good in people. It is a losing battle. I am so tired of her denigrating her son and her husband to me- they are good, honest, hard working, and loyal men. They are not the most affectionate or chivalrous but they are reliable and caring. And...after 15 years for me and 55 years for her...it is unlikely that we will be leaving these men anytime soon. Why can't she be happy with what she has? Why does she feel the need to bring me down with her constant complaining?

I have two grown boys. Their dad was abusive. My parents were self centered. I lived a whole life not talking about myself and now I am middle aged and find that I let everyone else tell my story. I find that the only things my kids (and most people) know about me are the things they were told by other people, and those people (I am finding) were very unreliable. There is safety in anonymity but it is also very lonely. My children don't know who I really am. Family fills in the blanks with their own assumptions because they don't understand what motivates me or inspires me. Now that I see this pattern, I am trying to fix it first by letting my children know about me and my history. It is scary- speaking up about myself. But it would be scarier to leave the earth without anybody understanding me. We all want to be seen, at least a little bit, by the people who matter to us.

i am 31, a man, and i started this new job 2 months ago, and the pattern looks bad from every angle i can measure. the onboarding was fast, the handoff was sloppy, and the team dynamic felt closed before i even got my badge working right. in the first week i tried to stay in my lane, learn the workflow, read the sop notes, watch the qa checks, and not break prod, but somehow every move i made turned into a small social failure. when i ask a question in standup, people go quiet like i pushed the wrong button. when i post in the group chat, i get the kind of reply that is tecnically polite but cold, like a ticket response and not a human one. at lunch, chairs are full untill i come near, then somehow nobody is hungry anymore. i know how that sounds, and i know people on the internet will say maybe it is in my head, maybe i am projecting, maybe this is just normal ramp-up friction. but when the same thing happens every day, in every channel, across every shift handover, it stops feeling random and starts looking like a trend line. i try to audit my own behavior like i am doing root-cause analysis on a failed deploy. was my tone off. did i miss a cue. did i over-explain. did i under-communicate. did i come in too eager, too stiff, too slow, too exact, too visible. i keep replaying each interaction like log review at 2 a.m., searching for the error code nobody wants to name. one senior guy corrects me in front of everybody for tiny process stuff, even when the actual kpi impact is zero. another person rewrites what i say in meetings and then gets nods for the exact same point. my manager says “give it time,” which sounds reasonable on paper, but in practice it lands like a placeholder, not support. after work i sit in my car and feel the whole day still running in my chest, like a machine that wont power down. depression is not a dramatic word here, it is just the most accurate one. i am eating less, sleeping weird, waking up with dread, then doing the full routine anyway because rent is real and adults dont get to blue-screen in public. i shower, i clock in, i update my tasks, i smile when needed, i say “good morning,” and i watch it drop dead in the air. maybe some of you know this exact thing, when a place is not openly abusive, not clearly hostile in a reportable way, but the enviroment is still rejecting you in a hundred tiny packets. what do you even do when no single event is huge, but the aggregate load is crushing. how do you tell if everybody hates you, or if you just entered a culture with bad documentation and worse empathy. how do you keep your self-respect when the room acts like your presence is a defect ticket no one wants assigned 😕

from an outside view, the facts are simple. i am still new. i do not control the legacy culture. teams can get weird around change, especially when throughput is stressed, deadlines are close, and people protect their part of the pipeline like it is private property. a new guy shows up, asks basic questions, touches process, slows velocity for a minute, and some people read that as risk. that does not make it right, but it makes it less mystic. i have started seeing that not every cold reaction means actual hate. some of it is ego, some burnout, some bad comms hygiene, some plain old cliques. still, the emotional result on my side is the same, and i dont want to lie about that. i feel lost a lot. i feel reduced. i feel like i am becoming smaller every day just to fit inside a system that already decided my value before my probation period is even half done. but i am trying to be objective and not turn one hard season into a final verdict on my whole life. so i started doing little controls. i keep notes on deliverables so i can see what is real and what is just fear. i verify requirements before execution, document blockers, close loops, and keep my language clean and short. i ask one person at a time instead of the whole room, because people perform less when there is no audience. i focus on qa, handoff quality, response time, and the small places where trust can actually be built. i do not overshare. i do not beg to be liked. i just try to be consistent, because consistency is boring and boring is often what makes people relax. i also remind myself that 2 months is not a full data set, even if it feels endless when you are depressed. a bad sprint is not the whole project. a rough team fit is not proof that a man is broken. maybe the answer to “what to do when everyone hates you?” is not one big heroic move. maybe it is smaller and less cinematic. keep your structure. protect your mind. talk to one safe person, even if it is awkward. update your resume quietly, not as defeat, but as capacity planning. keep learning the stack. keep your dignity off the floor. let time expose who is just guarded and who is truly cruel. and if this place never warms up, then maybe the hopeful thing is not forcing belonging where there is none, but understanding that another team, another manager, another floor, another job can still exist. i dont think i am doomed, even on the days i feel totaly unwanted. i think i am in a bad system, in a hard chapter, and chapters end. so i am asking you, honestly, what would you do here, and how would you keep your head clear without turning bitter. because i want to come out of this tired, maybe, but still decent, still standing, and still open to the idea that not everyone will hate me forever.

y'know, at 42, life's thrown me a fair share of curveballs and it's not like I brag about being perfect (who does??), but some things are just tough pills to swallow. i'm stuck on this self-charged guilt trip because, yeah, I cheated. big whoop, right? but the kicker is, didn't spill the beans. and let me guess, you're wondering how the hell does one forgive themselves for that mess? it's like trying to erase a permanent marker stain off a white shirt, i suppose. you don't. 😒

so there's this whole psychological warfare going on inside my head where i’m battling rational thoughts versus the human inclination to just hide under a rock. it's self-preservation at its rawest form. therapists or some self-proclaimed gurus might say honesty is the best policy and admitting mistakes is the path to redemption, but what do they really know about survival instinct? every day i juggle with the concept of being morally reprehensible vs. having sanity intact. do i crucify myself on the alter of mistakes and marinate in constant self-loathing or do i sweep it under the rug where it belongs? i mean, let’s be real, everyone has skeletons in their closet. so, why is it such a big deal for me? questioning if the act in itself was worth the eternal psychological gymnastics serves no purpose; hindsight's a friend to none! 🙄

they call it cognitive dissonance, right? this unsettling feeling of harboring conflicting beliefs and emotions, creating a mental ping pong game. i tell myself, "you’re only human, we all eff up!" and then that little voice chimes in, "yeah, but not like this." forgiveness isn’t a one-size-fits-all, it's a custom fitting... you have to try on a few versions before something feels right. is there really a right way to forgive oneself for unspoken sins? haven't we all, deep down in our shitty psyche, wanted to play pretend with the truth? but i digress, inside the tangled web of unrepentant emotions, i seek clarity that never arrives. intimacy post-cheating feels like a contractual formality; mechanical, void of warmth—like sex in slo-mo with all sound muted. maybe it's penance. maybe it's karmic justice in the disguise of normalcy.

what's likely worse than the act itself is the endless charade of maintaining a facade where guilt doesn’t mar the superficial peace. it’s this relentless pursuit of a sense of normalcy that cocoons the paranoia and eats you alive. if we dive into the world of behavior methodologies, we see that confronting the issue by making amends with oneself forms a baseline for 'emotional recalibration.' sound like BS?? well, it kinda is, but maybe, just a little piece of the truth lies there. despite the misalignment in actions and beliefs, i lift myself from the agony of regret because confronting my inner demons could mean clarity. 😳

and maybe, just maybe, entering that analytical landscape of reality, life has more gloomy twists than we reckon, and decisions are not always brewed in morality. so, what's a gal to do? keep counting forgiveness as a constant emotional reconciliation, a mere bunged-up attempt to self-soothe. or just like any ol' screw-up, find comfort in the chaos i unraveled? sometimes there's no textbook solution for life’s messiness, and acceptance that i’m flawed is a leap in itself. if you think you have a better solution, well, good for you, but it may not be the one for me. in the murky sea of self-awareness and reckoning, forgiveness might just be surrendering to the vulnerability, surrendering to the chaos... and that's ok. because isn't all this soul-crushing ponder (un)bearably normal??

yeah... life just sucks like that sometimes. 💩

hey there, folks! so, the weirdest thing happened the other day, and it got me thinking about this peculiar phenomenon that's been a part of my life for as long as i can remember. you know when you're about to do something really nerve-wracking, like giving a speech or going on a first date, and suddenly, you feel that unpleasant urge to visit the restroom? well, that's exactly what happened to me, and i gotta say, it's both embarrassing and fascinating at the same time. have you ever experienced that? apparently, it's a pretty common thing and science has an answer for it, believe it or not; our bodies are just wired to respond that way. now, i'm not trying to bore you with a biology lesson here, but here's the gist of it: when we get nervous, our fight-or-flight response kicks in, and that triggers a whole bunch of reactions in our body, including the need to 'go'. it's like our bodies are preparing to run away from danger, and, well, we all know that running with a full bladder (or worse) is definitely not ideal. speaking from personal experience, it really does make an already anxious situation even more awkward. like, for instance, when i had this important job interview recently, i mean, i was sweating bullets and all, but then... the dreaded bathroom feeling hit me, and i was just like, 'not now, please!' i honestly don't know why it can't just wait, you know? wouldn't it be great if our bodies could just chill until a more appropriate time? honestly, i can't be the only one finding this both intriguing and downright inconvenient. so i remembered reading somewhere, might've been on a health blog or something, that this all relates to the sympathetic nervous system and the adrenaline rush that sends our bodies into overdrive. it's kind of cool how our bodies are so efficient in one sense, but, at the same time, it’s like, 'come on, what gives?' anyway, i've learned some tricks to calm my nerves a bit, like deep breathing and visualizing more relaxed situations, but let's be real, it's an ongoing struggle. you ever tried to focus on your breathing? i swear, sometimes it works, other times not so much. but hey, life is full of these quirky experiences, right? it's all about making the most of it and maybe even sharing a laugh or two at our own expense. so, have you ever found yourself in the same boat, or am i just being overly dramatic? ain't it funny how our bodies have a mind of their own sometimes? i'm sure there's probably a name for this whole ordeal, some fancy scientific term, but whether i remember it or not doesn't change a thing. guess we all just have to roll with it and hope that next time, our nerves will be a bit kinder to our digestive system. but all jokes aside, isn't it fascinating how human bodies are such complex machines? keep smiling, folks!

Before I start talking abt this rando shit lol. If at any point u think it’s too much or anything just stop or don’t read this.

Anyways so yeah.. I mean I can’t stop thinking about her, I mean they’re literally everything I’m not and I don’t even know if their even straight (they are a girl but idk their pronouns so I’ll use they/them, just so y’all know).

And Ik it seems kinda normal but it’s true. I mean they’re so pretty and kind and just yk yeah. Meanwhile what am I? Like sure ig you could say I’m pretty but I doubt it. Their skinny and I’ve gained 6 pounds and Ik it’s just 6 pounds but that sets me back 6 pounds and it means I look ugly. I feel ugly. And no matter how much I try, how much I want, I crave. To go back to my old ways. People always stop me. I don’t want them to tho. I mean me liking girls is already a enough failure and me being overweight adds on to it and idfc how I lose it.

Sorry for going so off topic, I just meant that they would never love someone like me, I mean I sure wouldn’t. Like I don’t know how to explain it, there’s just a unspoken tension between us but I think I’m just way over my head and again. Who will love someone like me?

sorry for the long vent. Sorry if I wasted ur time at all but ig that’s it, I don’t rlly have any questions but if u do please comment it and I will respond when I see ur comment.

Hope it wasn’t too much, anyways good morning, good afternoon, and good night. Till next time

3 (ish) months in the year. how is it going??

ok this might not be the best place for me to ask but Reddit is too scary 🥹 so I’m lwk thinking of making a series (well a fan series DONT MAKE FUN OF ME LET ME ASPIRE) like yk it has episodes a, character arcs. But I want to be good but I barely see advice on writing tv shows just novels and for screenwriting it’s mostly movies and writing a movie is very different from a tv shows. Here are some stuff I’m questioning, what makes an episode good? I heard stuff like good execution can make up for a bad concept. So how do u ‘execute’ something excellently?? And for the characters which ive seem a lot of vids on YouTube for. But does it change in tv??? And for plot and character arcs too. I have some stuff in mind. Sooo any help?? Or someone can post on Reddit for me ✌️

Yo, so I'm really wondering, why are my parents always mad at me? Seriously, it's like no matter what I do, it's never good enough 🤷‍♀️ I'm 17 and I try sooooooooo hard to be a good daughter, like I get good grades, and I'm pretty chill. I don't party all the time or anything, I'm just focused on my studies and keeping outta trouble, ya know? School ain't even that easy but I manage to keep those grades up. Still, my parents act like I'm the biggest disappointment or something. Like, come on, cut me some slack! If I ace a test, they're like "Why didn't you get 100%?" or "You could've done better." Bruh, ever heard of the saying "Perfection is the enemy of good"? Seriously, I'm not perfect, nobody is. I've seen so many of my friends making bad decisions and I'm here minding my business and they're still not happy. It's like they're always looking for a reason to criticize me; it's exhausting. I'll clean the entire house and they'll find some tiny speck of dust and complain all day long. I swear they act like my existence annoys them sometimes. 😒 It's like they're never satisfied and it gets to me. Like dude, ever heard of positivity and encouragement? It feels like they only see the negatives. I'm not trying to be rude, but I wish they could just be nice for once. I know they mean well, or at least I wanna believe they do. But a little appreciation wouldn't hurt. Could it be that they just have high expectations or do they really not care about my feelings?? Like, I need to know, cause it messes me up. 😤 I'm seventeen, just trying to find myself and do right by them. It's frustrating cause when they only see what I don't do right, I feel like I'm constantly failing. "Failing isn't falling down, it's staying down," right? Well, I'm up and trying hard! Meanwhile, I see parents cheering on their kids for the smallest things and wish mine did the same. Sometimes, it feels like I'm living in a pressure cooker where I'm expected to excel in everything with zero room for error. People say "youth is the time of our lives," but somehow I'm stuck in a real-life drama series where I'm the antagonist in my own story. I've even thought about talking it out with them, but I know it'll just turn into another argument, and honestly, I'm not up for another showdown right now. It's not that I don't love them, I just seriously can't comprehend why it has to be this way. Can't we please find some kind of middle ground? Why is communication so hard? I mean, are our wavelengths just eternally mismatched? So you tell me...have any of you been through something like this? Or am I just overreacting? It feels like I'm constantly walking on eggshells and it's driving me nuts. But hey, things will get better, right? I'm just holding onto hope here. They say "love conquers all," so maybe one day we'll understand each other. Till then, I'll just keep doing what I do, with dreams of a day when they finally say "I'm proud of you." 😊 Life's a journey, not a destination, and maybe we're all just figuring it out as we go along.

I've been experiencing an unprecedented level of distraction lately, and it's really starting to get on my nerves!!! It feels like I'm constantly zoning out, no matter what I'm doing or where I'm at. It's like my mind decides to go on a little vacation, leaving my body behind to deal with the mundanity of everyday life. And honestly, it's annoying!!! Does anyone else feel like their brain has just decided to take a break without asking for permission??? Like dude, I get that everyone needs a break, but at least give me some warning or something!!!

My zoning out episodes have started interrupting my schoolwork, my interactions with people, and even my hobbies. It's like, one minute I'm deeply engrossed in writing an English essay, and the next, my mind is wandering to the most random things!!! The other day, I was supposed to focus on an algebra assignment, and for some inexplicable reason, I found myself thinking about whether penguins get cold feet or not. That's so random, right!? I mean, shouldn't I be thinking about x and y, instead of whether some penguin thousands of miles away is shivering in Antarctica??? My teachers keep telling me to focus, but how am I supposed to focus when my brain refuses to cooperate??? It's like trying to pilot a rogue spaceship!!!

Despite this ultra-distracting problem, I'm determined to figure out how to get my focus back on track. This can't be something out of my control forever. Maybe it's a lack of sleep or an overload of screen time contributing to this spacing-out thing... or maybe it's just a thing that happens when you have too many audio and visual inputs swirling around 24/7. Whatever it is, I'm remaining extra hopeful that things will get back to normal soon or develop a strategy to keep my mind anchored. Or is it probably because I'm just sixteen and hormones are wreaking havoc on my concentration??? Maybe opening up to more people about this could help??? Anyone else have any tips on how to stop the brain betrayal????? Would be super thankful for any input!!! 😊

i really thought i was doing better but i fell back into the same pit and i think ive hit rock bottom, like i really don’t have any hope for myself. im really tired of getting ignored, i’m tired of being stupid as hell, getting made fun of, coming home to a dysfunctional family, going to school having no friends, this shit is wack. i’m happy it’s my last year of school i guess? but i don’t see it getting any better. it makes me feel so empty but i have to continue on because for some idiotic reason i still don’t want to give up on myself. i don’t know what’s holding me from giving up but this weird motivation that makes me think it’ll get better keeps me alive but i know damn well it won’t deep down. and because nothing ever changes, or it gets even worse, i’m in the same cycle each day and it becomes so bland. i wanna be smart, have friends, something to pride myself in, be able to flourish in the things i enjoy, but i can’t and i don’t think ill ever be able to. i have enough luck in my life to not be in a war stricken country, shelter, food, clothes on my body, an immune system that isn’t compromised, but that is it. there is not enough luck in my life to have a loving family, friends, something to look forward to each day, intelligence, support, simply nothing else. it’s hard to appreciate waking up in the morning knowing i have to deal with this for however long because something is keeping me from giving up and i don’t see why. watch tomorrow im just gonna try again tomorrow to feel better and i’m gonna be typing something similar in a week lmao. what the fuck dude. i’m hoping someone who has gone through the same thing knows how to get over this phase? it’s getting old but i guess im here for a reason lol

I know it's bad to compare myself but sometimes I can't help it, it's not online people much as I stray away; instead, it's my own sister, her hair is amazing, getting compliments, called a diva by a gay guy, that one hurt, knowing I'm apart of that community, it was so embarrassing that it's hard for me to call myself a trans gay man knowing I'm just a loser, she many online friends as we're both homeschool, friends with anyone, and talks to the family, longer eyelashes. She's on her phone, probably texting her friends all the time. I have two normal sisters and then there's me, it's like everybody can see that I'm the weird one for my hobbies and how I look. I don't like being cynical so I've been working on that but now I just feel bad, comparing myself.

It's hard, investing in my looks by buying skincare, wigs, clothes, and even trying makeup even tho I'm shit at it, I'll never be as cute as those girls or boys online in my own eyes. I see people I relate to online, mainly girls but they're also pretty, I just wish I was at least pretty even tho I'm depressed and mentally ill.

My suicidal thoughts come randomly, "omg I'm 18 rn but I'll be 30 in 12 years and my life has amount to nothing! I should die rn." "Omg my sister is better than me and everyone can tell, she doesn't talk to me as much anymore, maybe I'm better off dead." "Omg my life is terrible and will stay that way, need to die before it gets worse."

My cousins, even the adults ones and their partners and my sis all have a group chat without me, it's like even my family thinks I'm weird or something. I just don't talk much so they probably assume I hate them or something.

That being said... should I try and make friends again? Even e-date around?

I feel like there are a mixture of ai responses and human responses on here, don't tell me to join a support group, I've been looking and trying. There's not many free ones and I have to keep waiting for the right day of the week to even join. Cant even get a therapist becuz I don't even have a doctor becuz my mom wants me to wait and do it with her. It's annoying. I feel like I'm in "learned helplessness", am I?

Anything is appreciated.