Life Stories and Everyday Drama

I literally just want to like starve myself and throw up whatever I eat and then starve myself some more if only I could just be skinny. please someone tell me how to induce vomiting, tell me how to not be hungry anymore. God I'm so fat. fucking kill me if I cant be skinny.

Hey guys, I'm a 14 y/o girl, and uh, as the title says, I have acne. And to those who have it or have had it, please read this.

I'm no confident kid, I'm the opposite. Apparently, acne never goes away! I've heard people say "They tell you it goes away at 18, but it's still there!" I'll get them forever unless I take Accutane. I may apply Niacinamide, but even then, it's gonna come back, it has come back. Accutane is long-term. But yeah, I can picture Caesar laughing at him even more if Joseph had braces. And my Niacinamide isn't working, and I really gotta stop snacking I may drink 1 cup of warm milk mixed with chocolate powder (I mix in 2 spoons), 2 biscuits, 2 Prosciutto and 2 dates, but it's gluttony and bad for skin! Why do I even put 2!? I've got a blood test positive for dust and cat danger allergy, but what if dietary choices where I snack every 6pm affect me negatively? Your skin is the largest organ after all. ACNE. Apparently sugar causes acne, and look at the sugar in my snack. Who even eats what I eat as a snack? Big-back material, I tell you. Not even niacinamide is working for me. I thought it was a big acne remover. The worst part is, acne never goes away unless you take Accutane or oral meds. It's what YouTubers say.

The worst part is, I have eczema and acne. How do I fix myself with 2 bad diseases? One shows I'm dry as a desert, the other proves I'm oily enough to fry an egg with it replaces olive oil. Acne is bad. Acne destroys confidence. Acne ruins lives. Acne makes me ugly. Acne makes everyone ugly. Everyone I know has clear skin, in my class, most people are clear-skinned. Look at them! My dad has scars because he accidentally shaved them off as a teen, and yet somehow he's fine. Eczema means my immune system is bad, and that if it dares over-panic once for something, it could be dangerous. I already have new dust and cat dander allergy for 2 years now, so I'm gonna get asthma like my grandma. I mean, I see Whispers of people saying how much they hate it. Plus, YouTube videos say that acne never goes away. One dude tried all topical stuff, and it didn't work. He still has them at 19! I'll never be safe! That Accutane's starting to look real good, and Dupixent, too. My acne may be pustular, and whiteheads but it could get worse. And my eczema may be itchy only, and doesn't make me have difficulty sleeping or focusing, but it could get worse. Then what's the point? My current serums aren't working. My eczema only cleared due to Niacinamide! That's the wrong thing I wanted to fix!

I don't fit anywhere. It won't reduce. That's impossible. There's no way it'll reduce. It'll come back, maybe worse. Nobody's perfect. The body problems will come back. And because nothing's perfect, why even try? It'll always get worse. I must utilize the time, that is less, to be pretty and loved. Plus, imagine me next to a friend who most likely won't have it. Like, who has the atopic dermatitis eczema? Amanda Seyfried only has perioral eczema, it only comes on her mouth. Mine is all over! Biologics barely have side-effects. Even babies get it. It's just a stupid needle in my stomach to cure my fundamental body flaw! I've had it since 3, but still. It counts. The only cure is biologics, which for some reason, my parents won't let me get a plan on. I got a blood test and my main allergies were dust and cat dander, which for cats I managed to not touch and dust I avoided most spots. Doesn't Accutane and Biologics fix everything? Isn't eczema a bad thing, anyways? It's a chronic disease. It means I have health issues. I'm not healthy. Again, acne is bad. It means there's an underlying health issue. If a woman has cystic ones, especially paired with facial hair and painful periods or no periods without birth control, it's PCOS. I may not have PCOS, I show no such symptoms, but still, at this age, it counts as an issue. A health issue. Acne means lack of health.

Can Accutane be the cure? It seems to be the most popular option. Can acne persist into adulthood anyways? It's what every video says on YouTube. All the Pinterest Whispers girls are right, they also hate their noses, they also want clean skin, and they also think when they become 18 they'll get a nose job. I got my mom's straight long nose bridge, and not the cool inward button nose. Even girls on there say the "clean diet" of shrimp, rice and asparagus. What if my foods cooked by my mom and maid aren't clean? What if my sugary snack for every evening ritual is causing me acne!? I should cut it out! You don't eat unhealthy foods! And acne is bad because it's ugly, it ruins self-esteem and according to Google, "it can be highly harmful to emotional well-being and, if severe or untreated, cause permanent physical scars. It frequently causes low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and significant emotional distress. Physically, it can lead to pain, itching, or, in severe cases, permanent atrophic (indented) or hypertrophic (raised) scarring." I'm not cute, I'm ugly. Those who say it's cute are either delusional, never had it before or have some sort of ugly fetish. F--k off!

Seriously? What did I do wrong? Why aren't I getting Accutane or Dupixent, yet? They're the miracle cure!

i got 1A and 4Bs in my IGCSE exam. at the time i was 12 (16 is the normal age), dropped out of school into a completely new system (caie) and gave the exams in 6 months without tuition or school. it was a really big jump, i was lonely and dumb, i’ll give myself some leeway there. i admit i studied lazily in the first half (3 exams), but in the second half(2 exams after 3 months) i really tried HARD. i really did, i swear. i mean i wasn’t the best in my previous school, but i still ALWAYS got 2nd or 3rd place which had to be something, right? even if i still wasn’t good enough for 1st, i was still good. but now, i’m just… bad. my siblings always got 1st place in school and got all A* in IGCSE (one of them was even 14-15 at the time). money was tight, so my parents and i thought i could be able to do it too. spoiler alert, i just disappointed them. i mean, i could retake but i doubt I’d even get better results and i just dont want to go through that shit again. i tried my hardest, i really did. i wish i could turn back time and fix everything. i can’t look anyone in the face anymore, or even myself. i’m such a fucking pathetic retarded dumb stupid ugly fat pig friendless loser who couldn’t do the one thing her family expected of her. if news does get out to my other relatives, i dont even know what i’d do. worst, my parents were nice about it and comforted me. i know they are lying, and they don’t even hide it, when another person has similar results to mine, they call him stupid. i dont how to live with these grades anymore. i cant even bring myself to study for A levels, all ive been doing is bedrotting for 4 months. today i was asked by my brother, “what did you get A* in?” and then i was reminded im such a fucking loser. i wanted to get in a uni with a scholarship, but now thats completely out of the question and i doubt id even get in a good uni even if i got straight A* in A levels. I’m good at nothing, this was the only thing i could atleast say smth about but now its been taken away from me. i was a coward because my religion doesnt allow me to kill myself, but honestly, i would rather live in fucking burning hell than wake up everyday in this fucking body.

Today my best friend called me and we were talking. In the middle of the conversation she said, “You know, I even argued with someone for you.” I asked why, what happened. Then she told me that a few days ago she had gone to a famous place for a trip and to visit her institute. She stayed at one of her cousin’s places. While she was there, I had called her, and maybe the phone was on speaker. Out of excitement I told her to bring something for me. Her cousin heard that and said, “Doesn’t she know how to talk? Has she never gone anywhere before?” its not like that i never travelled but only beacuse of my excitement

My best friend stood up for me, but she told me about this today and I’m feeling bad about it.

DEAR GOD WHEN CAN I HAVE A BESTFRIEND THAT CARED ME, I'M SICK OF BEING A EXTRA/LEFTOUT FRIEND I JUST WANT A REALL DAMN BESTFRIEND, AM I THE PROBLEM???, I ALWAYS TREATING MY FRIEND WITH KIDNESS BUT THEY ONLY SAW THE WORST INE ME😭😭😭

I remembered a while back in the beginning of sophomore year, before I spiraled out of control into depression, self-harm, and seeking validation from old men online. I talked to my friend about my attraction to our school vice principal. I was a bit crude so it sounded like a joke. But my question was “why am i attracted to him when i know that if he ever showed any real interest towards me, id be terrified? call the police, if not, cry.”

I had made this observation and i was confused about my feelings. I now know its because i was hypersexual from past trauma, making me feel that way. But then i didnt know hypersexual was a thing that existed.

It was played off as a joke. He said something like “dude i thought you were about to tell me you were gonna kys or something and you go and say some stupid shit like this.”

I laughed it off as a joke too, but i feel like that was the start of my slow descent into mental illness. I was identifying it early and had it been taken seriously, i feel i could’ve avoided all the problems it brought with it.

I keep rehearsing the line in my head, like it is a script, but my mouth stays closed when I sit on her couch. I am very polite. I say “yes ma’am” and “thank you.” I talk about sleep hygiene and stressors and coping skills, like I am trying to sound clinical for the session notes. The real sentence is that I have suicidal thoughts. No plan. No date. Just the thoughts, like pop ups, and it scares me. I do not say it because I picture her switching from calm therapist mode to risk assessment mode, and then confidentiality turns into a rule book. She knows my parents. They pay. My brain keeps yelling she will call them and say I am unsafe. I know there is duty to protect, imminent risk, mandated reporting, all that stuff, but it feels like a trap door under the carpet. I imagine a cascade: she documents it, asks about means, does a lethality screen, makes a safety plan, asks for consent to involve family, and if I freeze she escalates to crisis protocol. Then my mom crying, my dad going quiet, and me getting treated like a problem to be managed. I keep thinking, what if I say it wrong, what if “I don’t want to be here” sounds like “I will do it tonight.” What if I get sent to a hospital because I used the wrong words. I try to stay objective, like I am reporting symptoms, but my hands sweat and I talk about homework instead. Do you also do that thing where you translate your pain into acceptable bullet points so nobody panics;

Last session she asked what I am avoiding, very gently, and I gave the most boring answer possible. Later at home I tried to be logical. Therapists do not want drama, they want risk management and client stability, and they usually follow a decision tree. If there is no plan, no intent, and you can agree to a safety plan, the standard of care is often outpatient. That is what I repeat to myself because it helps. I can picture a version where I say, “I have suicidal ideation, passive and recurring,” and she nods like it is a normal data point. She might do a brief suicide risk formulation, ask about protective factors, and build a coping toolbox with me. She might suggest a psychiatric consult. She might ask me to reduce access to anything risky, and ask if I have one trusted adult, and that part could be my choice. If someone is in immediate danger, calling local emergency services is the right move. I still fear the parent phone call, yes, but I also notice hiding it is its own risk. When I keep it secret, the thoughts get louder, like they win by default. Also, I do want a future, even if it is small, like just finishing a week and eating breakfast. When I imagine saying it out loud, it feels like turning a light on in a messy room. Not clean, just visible. And visibility is kind of the first intervention. I am not saying it becomes easy. I am saying it can become more manageable, and a treatment plan is a real thing, not a moral failing. Next time I think I will ask her, politely, what her confidentiality limits are with parents, in plain words, before I disclose details. If you were in my chair, would you rather keep guessing, or would you rather know the protocol and build a plan that keeps you here for the next day, and the next?

ok so basically i have this friend lets call her Elsie and we have been friends for 7 years and in drama we were partners and she also does acting classes outside of school and she thinks that she knows better when she doesn’t and she is bringing the stuff she learnt from her acting classes into drama at school and its ruining our friendship and our friendship group. So basically one of Elsie and I’s school building burnt down so we are having online school and we just had a drama call and she went behind my back and said to our teacher she wanted to be with somebody new and we have been over it before a couple of days ago where she started berating me in public and not only was our friend with us but also two girls from our drama class who aren’t our friends and when i told her to stop she didn’t and just said and i quote “these are your consequences, so deal with them when it wasn’t even my fault because the original group we were with weren’t at school most of the time and only showed up to one lesson so miss told us to just do a scene us to from midsummers night dream, and she was all moody about it that whole lesson at me i might add for something that wasn’t my fault. And i explained my feelings about the interaction and i said it politely and nicely i said and i quote “Hey elsie I am sorta mad and upset about what happened today it was also embarrassing and humiliating can u pls not do it next time” and she responded with excuses and i will quote what she said as a reply “I get that today was embarrassing for you. I just wanted to say that certain situations in class really impact me and stress me out.” I then proceeded to call her and she didn’t pick up and was sorta avoiding me she then responded to my calls over text and the text said “And rn calls stress out a lot” i then replied with “ Sorry I didn't mean to bombard u it was embarrassing and I can't choose anyone else because nobody would want me so u are the only safe option for me” i then responded with “ I do love working with you but it requires a lot of my mental health and Because under too much stress I can faint actually due to my cptsd freeze mode“ then today after i explained my feelings she goes and tells miss she wants to change groups and be with a new person. And i get i can’t stop her but it hurt and i complain to my friend who’s next to me and she takes my side. but when i message my group chat and tell them my other friend Kate takes Elsie’s side and reply’s to my ranting/venting with this long as paragraph about how i am in the wrong and she says “ look, I’m considering both your perspectives and I understand but the remaining factor is that Elsie feels that it’s time to change partners, and have you considered that she may be moody because you were treating her like your only “safe” option (basically undermining her) and that if she wants to work with someone else, it is not your right to be upset at her for that because it is her decision you have to respect at the end of the day. Telling her to stay with you because no one else would pick you is the wrong way to go about this whole thing because I know it makes Elsie feel less important and Elsie told me that friendships shouldn’t be involved in school work and I agree with her because that’s what started this whole thing in the first place. If you’re upset at her for being moody while you guys were partners, then why are you still insisting on staying together? She has been considering your feelings and I get that this is hard for you but it’s your turn to consider hers. i just don’t understand if you’re so annoyed at her acting like that why would you want her as a partner anyway.” And i haven’t responded cause i am still pissed off and really hurt because i have considered her feelings and i have talked about my feelings and they haven’t considered how i am feeling and why i am so hurt. Like if i was in Elsie’s spot i would have done it for her and stayed with her because if i wanted to work with someone else i would understand why she would want to be with me and i wouldn’t let her work alone or with someone else who she doesn’t know and it feels like she doesn’t care about my feelings or perspective and kate clearly isn’t seeing both perspectives and I am genuinely confused about how i am undermining my friend and i am so done cause this isn’t the first time Elsie’s got mad at me for no reason.

I've had multiple close friends before. and we always break up because of me somehow.

here was one time me and two of my close friends were studying. one of them said she dreamt of me dancing, naked. I thought it was hilarious. but when we went to class the next day, mind you, I'm only close to those two I heard everybody laughing at the back and I heard someone laugh out loud talking about my naked body. at that time I was sitting alone to study the other two talking with others. literally the whole class was talking about my naked body I was offended I didn't want to talk to them anymore and blablabla. but they say that im heartless because they cried and said sorry but I won't forgive them

the next one I had another close friend. she accused me of ruining her project then said something that was totally out of her character that really hurt me because she would never say anything like that before. I had this one art book of mine she's also a talented artist so she likes to paint my drawing because she mostly does digital. I would lend her the book so she could color it. I NEVER once asked her myself to paint it but I let her since she wanted to. but then when we fought she ripped all of my drawing which I spent hours on because she said I she colored them so she has a right to take it without compromising with me first. then I cried because all of my hard work was gone just like that. she said I don't deserve to cry and that she's the one who's supposed to be crying

then another one, I started talking to her because she looked lonely then we became close obviously I would share my personal stuff with her but then she told people that I was after her money. the thing is she's never even bought me anything. and I'm the type of person that never asks anyone to pay for me infact I would pay for them. and she's not even that rich.

so is it really my fault, like maybe I'm misunderstanding things or like maybe I'm too sensitive? because everyone seems to think that I'm in the wrong.. there's more actually but I'm not gonna write all my experience am I haha😅

so I've been married for almost 10 years now, and it's been an awesome journey with my wife; she's my rock, my partner, the mother of my kids. but here's the thing...and pardon my frankness...sexually, she's just not as interested as me. and for me, it's hard, man. real hard. I'm always down for it, but she's just not feeling it most of the time. it's not like there's something wrong with her or anything, people just have different drives. but yeah, it's a bit challenging to manage on my end.

there are days (more often than I'd like to admit) where the desire just takes over and it's like, what do I even do with all this? can't just turn it off, you know? and trust me, I don't want to pressure her into something she's not in the mood for; that's not cool at all, and I respect her wishes. so, I end up stuck with this overflowing energy and nowhere to put it. sure, there are other ways to handle it, but sometimes those don't even cut it. you'd think after almost a decade of being married, I'd have a handle on this by now, right? well, surprises keep coming.

it makes me wonder if there's a secret menu or cheat code to dial down one's desire when the other person isn't on the same page? like, where's the manual for this stuff??? we've tried talking about it, but it's still a work in progress. don't misinterpret, it's not always like this, sometimes we sync perfectly, and it's magic. but other times, it's a real head-scratcher. the thought crosses my mind: am I just overthinking it? or do I need a new strategy?

the bright side, though, is that we're constantly learning and evolving; relationships are dynamic, after all. maybe it's just about finding that sweet spot where we both feel happy and satisfied, in every sense of the word. i'm staying hopeful and keeping it positive. how do you guys handle similar situations? buffering desires and keeping the peace are all part of the package, huh? 😅 any tips or insights would be golden!

I had a big fight with my boyfriend that almost led to a breakup. We ended up talking it through and decided to get back together.

Since then, though, it has triggered my abandonment wound. I feel scared that he might leave again, and whenever we argue, my mind immediately goes into that fear. I start thinking he will leave me all over again.

I don’t know how to fix this. I’m honestly afraid to talk about it because of that same abandonment fear. I worry that bringing it up might push him away or make him leave. I feel stuck and unsure how to sort this out.

I'll be travelling for the very first time for work in less than two weeks. I'm feeling excited but at the same time I know myself and deep down I'm kinda worried about eating food that I don't like at all or staying in a hotel room that's not cozy at all.

Maybe I need to just enjoy the trip and be really flexible with my style of life

[Translated from French. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

So it all started a year ago when I met my ex-boyfriend online. We started going out after only a few days and became a long-distance couple. At first everything was going well, but at around 6 months into the relationship, he started talking to me about sex, which I wasn’t against, but it was kind of at the limit of what felt reasonable. Then things sped up until we were sending pictures and calling each other on video.

Later on I met some friends, but you should know my ex was very obsessed with me and manipulative and controlling. So I wasn’t allowed to wear what I wanted or have guy friends, and the friends I had met were a big group of guys. In that group there was one boy, pretty ordinary and nerdy, geeky, who didn’t stand out, and I fell in love with him.

So one night I decided to leave my ex by blocking him everywhere without any explanation, and that’s how I ended up single. With my friends we had so much fun, we were a big group, but we also had a smaller group of 4: two girls including me, and two boys including the boy I like. But he was a friend before anything else. We got closer, and I told my friends who the boy I liked was, but at the same time I got closer to that boy and realized it was better to have him as a friend and nothing more, because he was still another toxic guy who was better kept only as a friend.

Especially because he had gotten more popular since we became friends, and he liked another girl. He had even told me about it, but that girl is not good. Like I said, I had told my friends who I liked, and two of them wanted to help me. One of them sent a message to the boy saying the girl he liked was bad and that he knew a girl who liked him and was better.

Then that same evening I call this boy, who is my friend, and we talk normally. Then he tells me that this friend had talked to him, but what I didn’t know is that he had told him to join a call where he would say who the girl who liked him was.

After the call, I send a message to the two boys telling them I’m against the idea of telling him, and they defend themselves and then say they’re going to call him to convince him not to like the girl he likes. A bit later they send me a message saying he made a list of 4 girls he didn’t want to date, and I was in it. So then my two friends tell me they can tell him now because I have nothing left to lose. So they tell him, and his reaction is to say “ohh” in a disappointed way after finding that out, and then he said it would’ve been better if he hadn’t known.

Then the two boys admit to me that they knew from the start it would never work and that it was just entertainment. And then they added me to the group with the boy and called me again, again just for entertainment, and I didn’t join. So there you go, I’m mad at them, but at the same time they’re my friends. And I’d like to have a conversation with the boy because I want us to stay friends, but I haven’t talked to them anymore since then.

Oh and also, a little before that, I unblocked my ex because I felt bad, and also my two former best friends. But my ex wanted to get back together with me while I only wanted sex, and I’m tired of men. I feel like I want to be loved but I don’t want to be in a relationship. I want flirting, but I don’t want the guy to not be only mine. I like it when they’re obsessed, but at the same time it annoys me.

I don’t know how to find what I want and someone who agrees with it.

So yeah, if you read all the way to here, I’m grateful, and if you have any advice I’d be happy to hear it.

i am 34 and i am a woman who has been through enough cycles of disappointment to recognize the pattern without romanticizing it. past relationships followed the same workflow, initial alignment, rising expectations, emotional debt, and then a slow system failure that left me managing the fallout alone. i recently finalized a divorce, which sounds clinical but felt like a long decommissioning process, shutting down shared assets, shared routines, shared hope. people tell me i should feel relief, and i do, in a measured way, like checking a dashboard and seeing no more critical alerts. still, the historical data matters, and it shapes my risk tolerance when it comes to feelings.

now there is this new guy, and the situation does not match my previous models. he communicates clearly, respects boundaries, and shows consistent behavior over time, which in relationship terms feels like stable infrastructure. i am not used to that. my nervous system keeps running old scripts, scanning for hidden costs, waiting for a sudden outage. happiness feels unfamiliar, almost like a foreign interface with no manual. i notice myself doing emotional forecasting, assuming loss before gain, trying to control outcomes instead of experiencing them. it is strange how calm kindness can feel louder than chaos, and how silence without tension can make me uneasy 🙂

i try to stay objective and observe what is happening without judgment. from a behavioral standpoint, this is a healthy dynamic, low volatility, high trust, good long term indicators. yet my internal compliance department keeps flagging it as suspicious. years of bad relationships trained me to equate intensity with value and conflict with connection. now there is space, and i do not know how to fill it without breaking something. part of me wants to self sabotage just to return to familiar ground; it feels safer to manage pain i know than to invest in joy i do not fully understand.

i am learning that happiness does not always arrive with fireworks, sometimes it shows up as reliability and shared planning. i am trying to reframe this phase as a pilot program rather than a final launch, gathering data, allowing small wins. fear does not mean something is wrong, it might mean something is different. i keep asking myself, and maybe you too, what if being happy is not a trap but a skill that can be learned? i do not have the answer yet, but i am willing to stay curious and see where this goes, because growth often starts exactly at the point where comfort ends.

I still feel like I need my anti depressant but my family wants me to get off of it because they claim its toxic to me and messing with my mind. When I was off of it I had horrible thoughts like hurting friends in violent ways, starving myself, running away hoping some shady person would kill me ect. They all say I seem like I feel okay but I hide my emotions I rarely let on when I am upset or anything and have a hard time expressing my emotions anyway