Life Stories and Everyday Drama

been talking to someone for a couple months we both expressed we like each other but agreed to not date for the time being bc of outside things which isn’t the main issue just to give some context. We both like this artist and they suggested we meet up before or after said artists concert since one of the venues is near both of us. I really want to go but i’m also very hesitant I have ptsd and anxiety from stuff when i was younger/teenager and it heavily contributes to social situations and I’m not the best talker I tend to shut down and just listen to people unless I find something(if anything) to say. I also don’t want to embarrass them bc they’re bringing their friends along. Idk I need some help.

I struggle a lot with connection. I cant tell if people actually like me or are just pretending so I always assume a social suituation is going badly. Then I can avoid being surprised if it goes downhill.

I want freinds where everyone is comfortable with casual touches, leaning against each other, hugs, shoulder pats. But I dont know how to initiate that, most of my family are extremely touch and emotionally adverse. And while my dad is more affectionate he often doesnt register boundaries or other people's emotions.

Mum once told me that with the way she raised me I was either going to end up completely desperate for touch or completely touch adverse. She said she was happy that I was touch adverse like her... I probably should have corrected her.

Im stuck in a cycle of craving platonic intimacy but not being able to achieve it. The brief touches I get never feel like enough but I dont feel safe asking up front.

I know that a romantic relationship would probably solve my problem but I wouldn't feel comfortable in a relationship at the moment. Theres been several times ive met guys who at 1st seem like they could be freinds but then they get too handsy and ignore boundaries I put up. Recently I had to leave a freinds party because a guy kept following me round and grabbing me by the wrist when I'd told him no. My skin felt like it was burning for hours after.

Touch can so quickly go from being amazing to being horrific as soon as I think the other person wont listen if I told them no.

Everything else in my life is great, im working towards my dream job, and ive definetly improved over the last few years. Its just such a constant want.

Current plan is to get a pet as soon as I can reasonably provide for one. It wont be exactly what I need but it'll hopefully help in some way.

Hug your freinds a bit closer today please.

i love my boyfriend and that is kind of the problem, because it makes everything else more confusing than it should be. he is good to me in most normal ways. he answers my texts, he remembers small stuff, he helps me when i am stressed, and he is not some awful guy i am trying to escape from. so when i say i am not sexually satisfied, it sounds mean, like i am reducing him to one thing, but i am not trying to do that. it is just there, sitting in the room with us, even when we are eating dinner or watching tv. i do not feel wanted in the way i thought i would feel in a relationship. he says he loves me, and i believe him, but his body and his effort do not really show it much. sometimes it feels like he wants the comfort of having me around more than he wants me as a person with needs. maybe that is dramatic, maybe it is not. i have tried bringing it up without making it sound like an attack, but every time it gets weird. he gets quiet or says he is tired or says relationships are not supposed to be all about that. and sure, they are not. i agree with that. but are they supposed to have almost no passion either. am i wrong for thinking this matters. i keep asking myself that because i know people have real problems and this can sound shallow. but when you are the one laying there feeling unwanted, it does not feel shallow, it feels lonely in a very specific way.

the bad part is i do not want to leave him over this, but i also do not want to spend years pretending i am fine. i catch myself avoiding the topic now because i already know how the talk will go. he will act like i am putting pressure on him, i will feel guilty, and then nothing changes. that is the pattern. i do not even know if the issue is attraction, stress, laziness, mismatch, or just us being wrong in that one area. it is not like i need some perfect movie thing. i just want to feel like there is some desire and some care and not like i am asking for a favor. i have started feeling embarrassed for wanting more, which is probably not a good sign. i also feel bad because he is not cruel, and i know if i told people they would say to communicate, but i did, or i tried. communication is not magic when the other person hears it but does not really do anything. i guess i am writing this because i need to see it outside my head. i love him, but love is not filling the part that feels empty. maybe that makes me selfish, or maybe it just makes me honest. i do not know what the reasonable answer is here. do you stay with someone who is kind and safe but makes you feel unwanted in bed, or is that just slowly turning yourself into a bitter person. i am scared that if i stay, i will resent him. i am scared that if i go, i will regret leaving someone good for something people tell me is not everything. both things sound true, and that is what is making me feel stuck.

I was born male and began to transition in 2022, my partner who was also transitioning at the time began to help me after I moved in with them, (hormones and such) but a bit after I started they started to have trouble dealing with the ways I was changing (my body, mind all that good stuff) and we ended up taking a break for a bit.

We came back together but I started to forget about taking my pills and eventually I might has well have detransitioned, I tried to talk to them at one point about thinking about it again (just thinking not even planning on anything) and that came with being told that they dont like women.

My partner never told me to stop taking my pills maybe I just did it myself because of the problems it caused. They stopped theyre transition too but now im left not knowing who I am, I have horrible anxiety and depression, compulsively pick and pull my hair, I get impulsive thoughts im embarrassed to talk about, I just feel messed up.

This is a question to ally fellow adhders

about adhd burnout.

in social situations do you find the you fake a smile in conversations and push yourself to seem "Normal " or is it just me that does this when I'm exspirenceing Adhd bournoit?

I'm a teen and I've been friend with this guys for around 3 or 4 years. He has autism spectrum and struggles with friendships and relationships. When I first met him he was really in a bad mental situation, he wanted to die and kept SH himself. In that period that I think lasted around a year or two he always texted me and I was there to help and in the end I managed to make him stop. He got better until one day a friend of ours decided to spread humors he was manipulative and a bunch of other lies, that was I think around a year ago. I was always there to help him but for some months now he started smoking every day and drinking (he's still a minor), he also started SH a bit again, not as bad as before but it's still something I'd rather he not do.

I keep trying to help me but it's always this loop of me asking him to try to stop, him promising but restarting immediately after.

Today he fought with another friend and he immediately texted me. They fought because he's intense as a person, such as physical touch and he's really blunt and brutally honest. I told him to apologize to her and to actually try to 'fix' that side of him with her because nobody shows 100% of their personality. He keeps being defensive and acting like what I'm saying to him is something impossible for him.

In the end I told him that I'm not his psychologist and that I can't do more if he doesn't even try.

I admit my answer was maybe harsh but really I was getting irritated and annoyed at him and I really held myself back from swearing at him.

For context: he has a very good family that supports him and he also has a psychologist.

I don’t even know how to explain this without sounding dramatic, but I feel invisible in my own marriage alot. My husband spends his days at work, which I understand because bills are real and life is expensive. But then he comes home, eats, turns on Netflix, and it’s like I’m just furniture in the room. I’ll ask how his day was, and he gives me a “fine” without looking up.

At night, I sit next to him on the couch while he watches episode after episode, and I’m just waiting for him to notice me. It sounds so pathetic typing that, but it’s true. I definately miss when we used to laugh over dumb things and tell each other random stories. Now I woud have to pause the TV myself just to get a full sentence from him, and even then it feels forced.

Weekends are somehow worse. He goes to the bar with his friends, and I’m not even mad that he has friends. I think people need their own space. But every weekend? It feels wierd being married and still feeling single. I make dinner for one, clean teh kitchen, and pretend I’m fine. Sometimes I’ll get a late text like, “Heading home soon,” and that’s basically all I recieve from him.

I’ve started wondering, why does my husband ignore me? Is he tired, stressed, bored, or just too comfortable? Has anyone else been through this and not totally lost their mind? I dont want to attack him, because I know he isn’t a bad person. He still pays attention in little moments, like when he remembered my favorite cereal last week. That sounds small, but it gave me hope 🙂.

I think I should of spoken up sooner, instead of swallowing everything and acting chill. Tonight I’m going to tell him I miss him, not in a screaming way, just honestly. It feels embarassing needing to ask your own husband for attention, but I still believe we can fix this. Maybe he doesn’t realize how lonely I’ve been. Maybe this is just a bad season, not the whole story.

So like, my family is super religious, not just “we go church on Sunday” religious, I mean the kind where every little thing gets talked about like it got a Bible verse stapled to it or whatever. We pray before food, before trips, when someone coughs too hard, all that. And I’m not saying that’s bad, because for them it helps them feel safe and like life got rules and meaning. But then I found out I’m bisexual, or I guess I finally admitted it to myself, and now my brain is doing the dumb washing machine thing, spinning and spinning and not even washing nothing. I like guys, and I like girls too, and maybe that is just how I am, but then I hear my mom talking about “sins of the world” and my dad saying stuff about “people getting confused nowadays,” and I just sit there like... haha yeah totally, not me at all 🙂. It feels weird because I still believe in God, or at least I think I do, but I also don’t feel like I picked this like picking pizza toppings. It just kinda showed up and I noticed it. But if it is a sin, then what am I supposed to do, just pretend forever?? Like, some people say being bisexual itself is not a sin, only certain actions are, and some people say it is all wrong, and other people say love is love and God knows your heart. So objective-wise, there is not one answer everybody agrees on, which is honestly annoying because I wanted one clean answer, like yes or no, not a whole debate club in my head at 2 a.m.!!!

I haven’t told my family because that would probably turn the house into a courtroom, and I would be the criminal and also the lawyer and also the chair somehow. My cousin once said gay people just need “guidance” and everyone nodded, so yeah, not exactly the warmest place to drop “hey I’m bi btw.” But I also don’t wanna hate them, because they was raised like that too, and maybe they honestly think they are protecting me. At the same time, it still hurts, because protecting someone should not feel like locking them in a box and calling it love. I keep asking myself, is being bisexual a sin, or is hiding and lying about my whole brain and heart the thing that messes me up more?? I don’t know. I’m not trying to attack religion, and I’m not trying to act like every religious person is mean, because I know some who are kind and chill and don’t make people feel gross. But I’m also not gonna say it is easy when your own house feels like one wrong sentence and boom, everything changes. Maybe the answer depends on what someone believes, what church they follow, and how they read stuff. Maybe I need to talk to a pastor who is not gonna yell, or a friend, or just breathe for once. Idk. Has anyone else been stuck between loving their family, loving God, and also not wanting to hate themselves???

I’m a female at birth.

I hate that I have to associate my whole life with this body. I feel wrong all the time. I don’t feel like seeing myself in the mirrors and the pictures. Cutting my hair short (not short as a boy, because I’m not allowed to) and dressing like a boy help me get through it, partly, because I still don’t like my appearance.

I had an ex - stupidest decision EVER - that was when I chose to be FEMININE. I thought to myself, “maybe I won’t be judged anymore for looking NORMAL. I’m dating like everyone else”, I kept comparing and comparing. The relationship didn’t work out. I’m back to be like this because it helps me feel better for some times.

My friends kept old pictures of me with long hair and kept praising that I was “prettier” in the past. They kept telling me to get my hair long again, knowing I had a talk with them about how I would love to be a boy and that I hate my body. They didn’t understand. They just love secretly talk this talk that to satisfy their curiosity without any deep understanding. Those ‘praises’ seem like an insult to my face.

I didn’t bother telling them what to do with their life, but they did to me instead. 99% of my friends all act like this. I wonder why (I don’t even tell them about changing pronouns because I know I’m still not passing and they won’t undestand it anyways. It shows)

I can’t even look at my selfies and reflection in public normally. I would be grossed out and try to avoid them as much as I could. I think it has something to do with how “ugly” I think I am. My teeth is impaired. My hair is just dry and curly and they lie flat on my square head because I’m not allowed to cut my hair any shorter. But in the end, how I have to live in this body knowing everything I do in life, this body is involved - from work, love, to family, is what scares me the most.

What’s ironically funny is that, I’m mostly interested in boys, so I’ll likely accept to live in this body because most of the boys are straight. They may distract myself from how I hate myself so darn much, but maybe this is not the way. I don’t know, like, in the end, this is my life. Don’t live for somebody else’s approval.

I’m scared to fall in love again because my mind is a mess. Everyday, “what am I?” “I want to choose me” these thoughts keep popping up in my head.

For someone who is reading, I want to wish you all the best. Maybe don’t be too harsh on yourself? Eat good food. Read good book. Travel. Learn more about the world. I’m living in the big bubble and it scares me every single day.

i am not gonna lie, my husband says i am negative about everything, like every tiny thing got a cloud over it when i talk. he says i can turn a normal breakfast into a sad little meeting, and honestly he mays be right here. this morning the toast burned and i said “of course, even bread got attitude now” and he just looked at me tired. i laughed but also i kinda hated that he noticed. i don’t wake up planning to be like this 😐

it’s just like, i go outside and someone is yelling on the phone, then the bus is late, then i see someone crying near a shop, then i come home and the news is all bad stuff and people doing weird cruel things. how could anyone be positive after that? maybe some people got a magic brain that sees flowers and cute clouds, but mine sees bills, bad weather, and the sink full of dishes. i know that sound dramatic but it is what my head do;

my husband is not some evil guy either, to be fair. he makes jokes, he tries to cheer me up, he says “babe, not everything is the end of the world,” and i get it. but sometimes it feels like he is asking me to pretend the world is not messy. maybe he is not saying ignore stuff, maybe he is saying stop dragging it into every minute. i don’t know. i guess both can be true, like the world can suck and also i can be annoying about saying it every five seconds 😭

yesterday we went for a walk and i started complaining about the trash on the sidewalk, the loud cars, some guy staring, the price of snacks, just everything. then a kid ran past with a dog and the dog was doing that dumb happy jump thing. i almost smiled but then i said “watch it step in glass” because yeah, my mouth just does that. my husband said nothing, just held my hand, and that made me feel worse somehow. do you ever catch yourself being the bad weather in the room?

i think maybe stopping being negative is not like becoming fake happy. i don’t wanna be one of those people who says “good vibes only” while everything is clearly burning in small normal ways. maybe i just need to pause before talking, ask myself if this thought needs to be said out loud, or if i can keep it in my dumb little brain jar. maybe say one okay thing for every bad thing, not as punishment, just balance. i tried today and said the coffee was decent. small win i guess 🙂

I’m 29, I’m a woman, and yeah I’m married but most days it feels like I’m living with a ghost who pays bills and leaves socks near the bed. My husband works all the freaking time. Like ALL the time. He leaves early, comes home late, eats like he’s in a race, then opens his laptop or stares at his stupid phone. I get it, jobs are hard, money matters, blah blah, I’m not dumb. I know he’s not out partying or cheating or whatever dramatic movie crap. He’s working. But still, I feel alone in my own relationship and it’s making me feel like crap. Is that needy? I don’t even know anymore.

Sunday is supposed to be “our day” but lol no. I basically see him on Sunday and even then he works a few hours from home. He says it’s “just catching up” but it eats half the day, then the other half he’s tired and scrolling emails. Last Sunday I made pancakes because I thought maybe we could have a cute morning, like normal couples do. He took two bites, said “thanks babe,” then answered a work call in the hallway for 35 minutes. I sat there with cold pancakes like some sad idiot. I wanted to throw the plate, not gonna lie. But also I know he’s stressed and I know he’s doing this for us, so I feel bad being mad. That’s the worst part, I’m angry but also guilty, like my feelings are being annoying on purpose.

I don’t want a perfect husband who brings flowers and writes poems, ew honestly. I just want him to look at me without checking if his phone buzzed. I want one damn dinner where he’s actually there. I’ve told him this before and he says he knows, he’ll try, work is crazy right now. But “right now” has been like forever. Am I supposed to just wait until life magically gets less busy? Because I’m scared one day I’ll stop caring and then it’ll be too late. I love him, I really do, and I don’t think he’s a bad guy. I just think he forgot I’m here. Has anyone else been married but felt single as hell?

It was my birthday. I'm middle aged, have a husband and 3 children, the youngest is about to graduate high school. My eldest asked me earlier in the week if I wanted to go have a drinking date with him (we do this about every 4 mo or so) on Saturday. I thought it was a great way to kick off my birthday on Sunday! Then my youngest asks him if he's paying for my pedicure tomorrow (on Saturday) and he says no, we already discussed that. "I went on the hike for mother's day, she chose that over the pedicure." Then my youngest explains to him yeah, but tomorrow's her birthday, and to his merit he immediately recanted and said of course! Fast forward to Sunday. No special morning anything. Middle (married) son calls me with issues about his almost former landlord, and an update on the new place. 20 min into the conversation, I ask if he called me today for any other reason. Long story short, he sees the date and blurts out a happy birthday. I invite them to join us for dinner at a local steakhouse. They agree. Youngest rushes me out the door to collect her BFF as we race to get our pedicures, mine for aging, theirs for prom. Done, go drop off BFF, go pick up youngest's finished prom dress, then she leaves with BFF to the mall. I go lay down and take a short nap. Then wait on the couch, doom scrolling until it's time to leave for dinner. We all go together, eat, the steakhouse does their birthday rendition (yelling yee-haw). Come home, husband asks if I've showered today and I said no, I showered last night. He gives me almost the 3rd degree because our unofficial standing for nookie is Sunday nights at least each week. I go shower after a bit. He bakes a completely overly sweet cake I tried last week that he saw on TikTok, opens the microwave where he put it to cool, says happy birthday, you want some?

Now here's where I'm having issues. I'm not a materialistic person. At. All. I've often asked for things like a new vacuum or can opener for Xmas or birthdays and been rebuked because those aren't "FOR you", I should ask for things for me, not the house. This year I couldn't think of a thing I wanted. So that's exactly what I got. I got my nails painted because I do that with my youngest about twice a year and this time it lined up with my bday and my eldest got to gloss over forgetting by paying for it. My middle son showed up for dinner with his wife. Ta-da. My husband paid for dinner and baked a cake he meant to bake last week. That's it. No gifts. No candles. No family singing happy birthday. Oh! Almost. My sister sent me a strawberry plant starter kit from NC and my step mother gave me a generic card from church with $20 in it that she signed hers and my dad's names in and handed it to me when I went to their place to pick up something she'd made my youngest for prom on Saturday. Told me she knew it wasn't for a couple days, but happy early birthday. It was the day before my birthday. They couldn't even remember my birth date, though it's 2 days before my half-brother's (their son). I'm almost 50, he's 36.

So I'm sitting on here asking anonymously. Am I allowed to feel sad that I have a husband of 21+ years and 3 kids and for my birthday I got to eat with them and get my toenails painted? I got the gift of eating dinner, including dessert. I KNOW I'm not materialistic, but is receiving nothing to be expected when I don't ask for anything specifically?

Side note, I'm also 5mo post-hysterectomy and can't trust my emotions to be real or not anymore. This is a genuine question.

anyone willing to help me get revenge they are still stalking and harassing me and the cops won't do anything and I just found out my ex and his best friend are still best buddies and my ex got a new girlfriend the day he blocked me

Sometimes I feel like the annoying, dumb, designated ugly fat friend, when compared to my friends who are thin, pretty/handsome, smart. In addition I did try telling them both about how I felt with them, but it didn't feel like they cared much. But it could be just me over thinking. The worst part was whenever one had a sort of phase where she kept saying she looked fat while eating or just infront of me, I tried somewhat talking to her about it, but as I said before it felt like they (or she in this situation) couldn't care less, which in hindsight took a great toll on my mental health, so currently I just feel like a pig with lipstick everytime I try to make myself look prettier or something like that, i feel annoying when trying to talk about my feelings to them , because the most common response i would get from them both is 'no it's not like that' or whatever. However, all of this could just be me over thinking...

I have a financial goal but no career goal to match. I'm interviewing for a job that could get me past my financial goal, but I don't care about it. I'm worried it'll be demanding but I'm a "clock out at 5 sharp" kind of person.

Pros that matter to me: 25k raise

Other pros: building a team/process from scratch so good for resume and snagging a senior position later. In the career direction that I "want".

Cons: I'll have to sacrifice my current job that's very chill where I do almost nothing, 1-2hr drive depending on traffic (only 2x per week), they may expect over 40hrs a week from me

I've always been motivated in the past. I always cared about my grades in school and what colleges i applied to and what clubs I did. Even early career I cared about moving up and had "dream jobs". But as time has gone on I've realized I don't like working. I've seen more of the reality of the situation and become my jaded and just don't care. Like my old dream job, art director, would require adhering to corporate whims, people and project management, limiting my creativity, and 10 years before that of getting paid dust in graphic design. I'm not interested. I see now that all jobs are jobs so I'm not ever going to truly CARE for any of them.

I wish I did still want more. But the motivation is gone. I'm running away from dissatisfaction instead of towards something. I'm frustrated with my current pay and know I'd feel better making more. I want to feel like I've achieved more, be able to save more, keep up with rising costs, and be able to have an apartment. I understand theoretically that I'm gonna keep wanting more as prices rise, so i have to keep trying in my career.

At my current job I'm very comfortable doing nothing all day and am kind of waiting on my boss to notice and get mad at me. I am hoping a new job with new tasks will at least give me enough motivation to not get fired but idk. I don't care. And it makes these interviews feel weird because i feel like I shouldnt feel this way. The recruiter said i need to be excited. I can fake it for an interview, but I'm not excited at all.

--- TOO LONG DIDN'T READ ---

I've read this is normal to some degree. A lot of people arent passionate about their jobs. So, what is that like? How did you build a career and get promotions and move up all while not giving one single damn? Am I willing to try at something I have no personal stake in? I'm not sure; never been in such a position. I could keep applying to try to find an easier, remote job that'll meet my income goal, but we all see this job market. I'm worried nothing better will come along. In months of applying I've only interviewed one other place and they paused hiring.

What would you do?