Life Stories and Everyday Drama

i found out two weeks ago that my husband’s cancer is not just bad, it is the kind of bad where doctors lower their voices before they say anything. we have been married three years, which sounds like a tiny number when someone starts talking about “weeks” like they are coins in a jar. he has a dangerous cancer, almost at the final phase, and everyone is being careful with their words, which somehow makes it worse. nobody says “he is leaving soon” out loud, but it sits in the room anyway. i recieve updates, nod, ask practical stuff, then cry in the parking lot until my face feels like it belongs to somebody else. i keep wondering why crying gives you a headache, because mine is constant now. it feels like my skull is packed too tight, like my brain is pushing on the walls and my head will explode.

he is still himself in little ways, which is sweet and awful at the same time. he complains about hospital food, tells me my driving is still scary, and asks me to stop hovering like a weird little security guard. i laugh when he says it, but then i go to the bathroom and cry again, because laughing feels almost rude when the ending is standing right there. we are spending these last weeks together while we can, doing basic things, not dramatic movie stuff. we sit on the couch, watch dumb shows, argue about what to eat, and sometimes just hold hands without talking. i am definately grateful for that, even if it hurts. there is no villain here, not really. the doctors are doing what they can, his body is just tired, and i am trying to not make every second about my panic. still, i cry alot, and every cry leaves pressure behind my eyes like a bill i have to pay.

the headache is starting to feel like a second person in the marriage, just sitting between us. i drink water, take medicine when i can, put cold towels on my forehead, and tell myself this is normal. maybe it is. maybe crying this much just dries you out, tightens your face, messes with your sleep, and turns grief into pain you can point at. does this happen to your too, where the sadness stops being just emotional and becomes this heavy physical thing? i don’t want pity exactly. i know people go through worse, and i know my husband is the one actually sick, not me. but being the person watching is its own kind of damage. i love him, i am scared, i am tired, and i keep wiping my face so he does not have to spend his last weeks watching me fall apart;

Hi! I'm not sure how to do this but I really have to get this off my chest. I was video calling with my girlfriend and out of nowhere she said "I'm gonna go" and hung up. She's been doing pretty bad lately and I've been doing my best to help but I feel like it's not enough, like I'm not enough. I was terrified she was gonna do something to herself so I asked if she was okay and where did she go- no answer. I waited and then I called and texted. And basically I've been doing that the whole night, haven't gotten any sleep. I'm terrified of losing her, I thought she was the one. At the same time though I saw she was active on snapchat so I calmed down a bit. Still haven't slept. And I hate to say this but I am so mad at her. Like why is she ignoring me? If I did something wrong I'd want her to tell me. I don't want to stay up all night worrying about her. I hate this. What do I do?

Unfortunately for me, I want to be a creative person full time. There's been a series of attempts.

1 - Animation

I was a grade A student in high school and took lots of AP's including AP art and design. My councilors said with my grades my state's flagship school would be a good safety school and the Ivy's where a reasonable reach. She was wrong about that and it's all been downhill from that conversation. Long story short I couldn't get into an art school with a scholarship. I went to the ONLY state school to accept me, could never get an internship all 3 years (had enough AP's to graduate early), and graduating with my degree in animation at the top 10% of my class with a portfolio reviewed by and references from 2 emmy award winning animation professors didn't mean anything to studios. I would go to networking and hiring events, portfolio and resume reviews, talk to recruiters, get referrals, even move to LA. All for 0 job offers after years of trying.

2 - Design

While I was trying to get into animation I worked a graphic design job. It didn't pay enough, especially for LA, so I beefed up my college portfolio to highlight my motion design stuff and started applying. A year passed with no interviews and I got laid off. I got a certification in UX/UI design and applied there too. Another year passed. I assure you - whatever job advice you have (talk to recruiters, send out 100s of applications, tailor your applications, ask your dad to get you a job) - I did it! Multiple times. No luck.

3 - Self Employment

Throughout this entire stint I would have side hustles I tried (and failed) to get off the ground. I tried to be a gallery artist. Sold one drawing. Had a painting featured at the High Museum of Art. Did some local art fairs (and sold nothing). Absolutely no one else ever cared about representing my work despite it. Okay. Cool. There was an online original painting business - no sales. Online art prints - 10 sales in 2 years. Art on stuff (notebooks, zipper pouches, etc.) - 7 online sales and I made money at in-person markets but never enough to break even on the booth fee. Alright; fabulous.

4 - Marketing

After my layoff year from the graphic design job I got a job as a marketing operations coordinator - so not even doing the marketing. Just fetching virtual coffee so other people could do it. I decided to lean in. If art doesn't want me, maybe money will! I learned as much about marketing as I could to apply it to a future business attempt. I got my PMP certification and applied to project management jobs. You can probably guess how well this went.

5 - Self Employment Take 4 (current)

I still work that marketing job. My company laid off everyone but me and my boss' boss. The company is in shambles so there's not really a clear job for me right now other than sending bills to accounting. So artistic. So fulfilling. If I have to talk to META customer service one more time I'm going to crash out. Since the lay offs at the job I've been applying elsewhere to almost no avail. I had 3 rounds of interviews including one with the CEO for a better paying marketing job!!! They then paused hiring. Seems both art and money don't want me. I've started another business - a stationery shop. 11 sales in 5 months - so the marketing knowledge is helping me do a lot better. But I had a collection launch today to crickets that sent me into a bit of a spiral.

THE DILEMA

I keep trying as MUCH and as HARD as I can to make my career cooperate. It just refuses to go my way. Any advice I can find online assumes I haven't tried, didn't do some obvious thing, or some empty motivational platitudes like "you haven't quit until you stop trying (like as if I don't have bills to pay)" is going to help. I've started therapy and my therapist is very helpful on everything else - but on this topic he tends to tell me to just follow my dreams. I feel like he has to watch me show up every day and sponsor events for promotion and work with influencers for marketing and post to 5 social media platforms every day and start a mailing list and start a youtube channel and read marketing books and go to webinars by my local SCORE mentors (all things I'm doing BTW) and yet still make 0 progress after keeping this up for a year to understand what I'm talking about. There is NO lack of trying - but nothing ever works. I just can't seem to be a full time creative. I can't even do plan B and make enough money for an apartment. I don't know what else to do or how to deal with these feelings. I'm always searching for some kind of solution, but the truth is it takes hard work, time, and luck to be successful and luck is just not on my side at the moment. To anyone who read all this - how do you manage to live your life knowing what you truly want isn't coming to you? How would you stay motivated in business 4 and somehow believe it's going to work after all the previous failures? What am I doing wrong? Is this normal?

you know, I've been cruising around on this application a lot, and I've seen tons of folks saying "this too shall pass," but honestly, I don't 100% get it, like, is it some existential thing or just a fancy phrase to throw around when stuff hits the fan? 🤔 I've seen it on different threads, and it's like an invisible hand trying to pat people on the back when they're down, but does it really work that way? it makes me think: is there a magic moment when you know things are finally over, like some official "passing" ceremony? It's a bit funny, isn't it? when stuff is bad, we kind of hold onto this phrase like it's gonna save the day or something. but then again, when things are good, we're all hoping they don't "pass" like the good times should just hang around forever. It's like needing assurances that bad times are temporary while secretly praying the good stuff stays put. 🙃 Then again, I remember someone said "these too shall pass" while quoting that ancient king who wanted a phrase that'd put things into perspective irrespective of a situation; isn't it wild how something from way back then is like, still relevant now? Our great-grandparents probably even used that line, and now here we are, borrowing from their wisdom. So, maybe it's not about timing but how we perceive situations and hold onto hope; or, is it more about prepping ourselves to ride the ups and downs without freaking the heck out?

In a day-to-day setting, it's helpful in giving people assurance and making them feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel, but with a seemingly perpetual cycle of passing and waiting for new days or events to occur, how do you stay grounded? sometimes I wonder if it's the world's way of saying also "hey, don't get too comfy," like a gentle nudge that life's dynamic and unpredictable, and that maybe no state of being is set in stone. And then, there are those people who casually drop "this too shall pass" as if they've got some golden master-key for all life's locks, and it makes me chuckle 'cause it's like, no one actually has the entire rule book for surviving life's storms, right? It's like we're all kindergartners in the grand school of life. Plus, the word "pass" sounds so passive and laid-back, almost like we're waiting for a magical transformation that requires no active participation, which is kind of comforting yet peculiar at the same time. Perhaps needing a phrase or philosophy that just sits with you on rough days without leaving a mark can be a strong enough testament to its value. "this too shall pass," even if not instantly comprehensible in its entirety, may indeed hold the soothing balm of enduring hope bundled in mere words, like a lifeline extended through time; and, wouldn't it be crazy if understanding its meaning was less about comprehension and more about how it feels? Seriously, stick those words somewhere prominent and let time scribe their meaning onto your soul with experience. just curious though: how do you guys see it? does it resonate like a silent companion during tough times, or does it all just seem overrated and blown out of proportion, in your opinion? 🤔 because sharing these phrases, seeking clarity, and expanding our grasp could be the start of untangling the threads of such enigmatic maxims. anyways, take care and good luck with the unraveling of life's chaos.

There's nothing I can or want to do in life. I'm fucking stupid, I can't remember shit and I don't want to pay attention to this shitty life I live. My grades are low, my parents hate that. The same parents I can't decide if I love or hate because I'm closeted and they're homophobic. Are they correct? Should I go ahead and pay attention to my studies? Probably. Do I want to do it with them or my sister? No. Because my mom just loves to hit me when I don't remember something and my sister doesn't listen to what I need to do to study. My dad is fine, but I hate it all. Is it so wrong to hate pain? I don't want to feel it. But continuously it just fucking happens. I hate it. Constantly. There's nothing I'm good at or can do in life. The stories I write are shitty and I am just so stupid to do nothing.

i myself am 17 and i started talking to this guy lets name him john. i found john cute and we had a thing going on for a while. i cut him off after i got to know that he went to a spa and got a handjob from a lady who is twice his age?. he kept texting me asking me to work things out and i thought he was seriously in love with me.

this is where the actual story begins. today i followed back an old friend lets name him mike, he texted me asking why dont you and john talk anymore and i said it didnt work out. he later went on to explain me saying john called me a bitch and whore and said that i asked john for sex while he wanted to take it slow WHILE IN REALITY, the first day i met john, he got me drunk and tried to makeout with me and i said no and pushed him away. the next day i went to his place cuz he was home alone and he FORCED me into sex, he pulled down my pants unwillingly and kept saying "just the head please just for a bit" i kept saying "NO" multiple times but it was useless, he was already on top of me and i couldnt push him away and eventually it turned into a rape. when this happened i blamed myself and said im just overthinking and he probably didnt mean to do that, but then i found out that john was an actual serial rapist.

while me and john had a thing going on, john didnt like how i was following mike and kept asking me to block every account of his and said that "mike will say shit bout me that isnt true" but now i realise the reason why john wanted me to block mike. mike knew the truth about everything. i will share each story of how john raped these women.

from what i know, john was once talking to this 19 year old while he was 15 and consoled her cuz she was sexually assaulted by her boyfriend. next day he gets her drunk and take her to his old house's terrace and raped her there, the girl couldnt do anything but stay silent. john also once fucked his mom's bestfriend who was drunk sleeping on the bed, she was a 40 year old married woman. when she tried to sue john, johns parents (40yr olds bsf) payed them money so that they wont have to deal with something serious. john has done this to multiple women where he takes advantage of them while they are drunk or force them into sex and infact i found out that john only didnt get handjob from the spa but he also fucked the spa lady and ejaculated inside her WHILE he was sober. and mind you hes 15 and 16 in all this. and currently hes with mikes ex, cuz mikes ex wants mike to feel jealous so she got with john and guess what john did? force her into sex 3 times. AND worst part is she knows bout me and i was talking to john as well after all this. i was talking to john only because i thought he was genuine but after finding out about this im super disturbed and i started shaking cuz i finally realised that i was overthinking and he did actually rape me. i cant even blame him because after all that happened i still kept talking to him and tried to brush it off. oh btw hes not over his ex he dated for 3yrs and tht was really long back so every girl he dated he just used them for their body, his body count is more than 50.

its the fact that this guy has been getting away so easily with it is so fucked up, you see these things in movies... all these girls including myself are helpless cuz we cant sue him because we dont want any trouble and no one is going to believe us. this guy manipulates and lies his way thru just for sex and its genuinely disturbing, i dont think i can sleep anymore. his mom and dad knows about this yet they let him do whatever he wants. worst part is his mom is a proud feminist who says "women must be independent, she shouldnt be afraid to speak up blah blah blah" and when it comes to her son raping others suddenly she becomes blind and hes a really good guy in her eyes. i genuinely saw her as my role model but shes.. no words. if i were johns mom, id kill my son. i hope john goes through the worst karma in life that he wishes he was dead everyday but nothing lets him die so he just has to suffer daily in the most painful way.

In February my hyper mobile joints in my shoulders decided to give out. Just looking at me, you could tell my shoulders were in the wrong positions. I felt them slip in and out of my socket. until about 4 weeks ago I couldn’t bathe, dress, feed, or go to the bathroom with out my husband doing it for me. For most of that time even the most light touch on my skin was like searing pain. I shaved my head so that I could wash my hair by myself, and sleep comfortably with out it being stuck behind me in places I could not reach. Im a woman. It crushed me to have to do that. I look good, but I’m devasted I had to under these conditions.

I have other chronic conditions that are manageable at home, as a SAHW and then a SAHM. I had bad days, but mostly great days. Until this happened.

Ive started having seizures, I’ve been told it’s probably a mental issue. Stress, anxiety. It hospitalized me before I was given that hunch if answer. Because of how shitty the medical system is, I won’t be able to see neurology until July to get a confirmation on what the hell this is. The events have gone down since my mental health medications have been changed drastically.

And the medical system has shit all over me:

-The only ER for 45 miles has given me intense medical trauma. From dismissing me and sending me home with rude, snide comments about not coming in for this situation. To talking over me purposefully to write down incorrect information on my intake paper work (my husband had to intervene because I was having SEIZURES while this man talked down to me). The same man was going to give me a sedative shot with out telling anyone what he was doing. My primary sent me to that ER urgently for potential cerebral meningitis, insisting I need the spinal tap to be tested, I had the symptoms. The ER refused to test me. That visit they gave me something called a “purewick” incorrectly, TWICE. It’s to vacuum suck away your urine quickly and cleanly when you can’t get up to the bathroom. The first time, the male nurse did it quickly, half assed, and incorrectly. I ended up peeing all over myself. Then it was disconnected to take me for a CT scan. When I was brought back to my room, the tech handed me the purewick back to me, urine side into my barehand, so that I could place it back myself. It went even worse than before. I sat in my own urine for hours, while also being talked down to about needing to use the call button when my symptoms got worse.

-when I was having so many seizures in a row that I couldn’t make it to the car to go the hospital from my 3rd story apartment, we had to call 911. My husband asked dispatch if the EMS could take me to any other hospital besides the one who fucked me up. They said yes. EMS came, talked shit about my room in front of me, refused to let my husband in the room with me (I had been laying in the floor to be in the safest position for seizures, I couldn’t walk to him), and refused to take me to any other hospital. I burst into tears and they ripped into me about it. They took me down the stairs in a stair-wheelchair and my husband had to drive me to a different hospital.

We are trying to get a government funded childcare program to pay for daycare for our toddlers, so that my husband can get a job and be able ti support us again. Since I can’t take care of the kids myself, this is the only way to make it work. The program accepted us, then swiftly denied us, claiming they needed a letter from my physician that I can’t take care of my kids at all. Getting the letter was a fight in and of itself, the family medicine office was refusing to write it themselves, even though the program insisted it had to be from them. Eventually I got the letter. The program said the letter was not enough, because it didn’t use the exact words “cannot take care of her children at all”. And now the dr’s office is flat out refusing to write the letter. They insist I need to go to occupational therapy to get them to write it. The original OT office refused to write it. The dr’s office didn’t believe me when I told them. I had to get the OT to call them directly. I was then referred somewhere else. The same hospital that traumatized me above.

I tried to care for my kids yesterday, to test the waters to see if I could potentially do it for a few days until this is sorted. My shoulders have gotten better enough for me to do plenty of things for myself. I was determined to try. My husband was home, it was only an hour and a half. My shoulders continued to quickly pop in and out of place, and it knocked me off my feet quickly. I woke up today in even worse pain than yesterday, weak. I stood up at one point this morning, stumbled, and accidentally knocked over my youngest in the process. She’s fine, this time.

I’m so angry. I’m so angry at my body. Im so angry at the systems and programs meant to help. I’m tired of feeling awful all the time.

Thanks for reading <3

Im 8 months pregnant and since then I have always been feeling like my husband is cheating on me. I wanted to talk to him about it but why then it feels like it wont change anything? I wanted to confront him but then whenever it crosses my mind it feels like I will just be wasting my time bec. I cant ask him to be faithful and loyal if in the first place he is really not that kind of person? He may be married to me but it feels like it is not me to whom he will be contented...

Now conspiracy’s are conspiracy’s facts are facts we all know evil exists denying the fact so many children just children forget the religions are being burned alive killed these are godless acts from godless people if that’s what u want to call them. They’re not from a particular god fearing religion but a godless congregation of evil ppl using segregation of race religion and their powers being these ppl being able to influence the thoughts of so many is scary in itself how mindless as a whole ppl are.to know regardless of this reptilian agendas and aliens and emerald tablets and nephlim giants wich is in the bible as well as other religious books it’s just astonishing to know how closed minded to common sense ppl have become they unite ppl when they feel it will bring numbers segregate when it gives a prosperous resolution for “them” to do so to at this point blame the government the religious leaders the aliens but their is a a common numeral to this and it is 80% of the population doesn’t think for themselves when 100% know what’s good and what’s bad and trust me won’t be quiet to preach to one another about it. Ppl need to wake up genocide happend according to American history to Jews?… well some don’t believe it’s true well now who does who doesn’t matter but truth is genocide is happening again and their is nothing making it right now to do it it was wrong then this is hypocrisy at the highest peak. Like I don’t kill dogs but I’ll kill brown dogs. I’m that makes sense cuz brown dogs aren’t worth it like this is straight mind fucked lunacy. Evil has completely taken over and if judgement day doesn’t come because of the wrong no matter how anyone try’s to turn it around they allowed it. If end days come it will come for this god will come for this and I’m scared but I know how much pain is there and times it by a200million suffering past present continuous because I know what’s happened to Jesus the prophets the messengers call them as you please was wrong time and time again chances were given but as a whole of humanity I am so disgusted in us only god can save us and have mercy on our souls because we haven’t left anything to show for the life the love the good he constantly gave us only sat complained because of this and that all I care is I’m standing on the right side of this I don’t care what happens to me at this point this is beyond return and I don’t need a fortune teller to tell me the end is near the end could have been near had we been strong god would be coming down for a much better reason than judgement everyone that keeps sticking their foreheads in the news commenting on their YouTube’s watching videos. Shut up and send a prayer for a change of heart in man’s soul to stop the evil from seeping through everyone’s heart for the defeat of this evil and the ppl and things that caused them ask for forgiveness. I just can’t tell you I don’t even use my phone anymore or watch the news there’s barely anything left good I just want to keep my loved ones and live with them as happily and let them know how much I love them and they mean to me every day till the end and if I can ever come across a way to curing this hell brought upon our lives I will stop at nothing … and as I typed this the answer came to me … I hope the answer comes to you after reading this exactly what it is we have to do.

Im a homeschooled 14yo girl and where i live homeschoolers have to have yearly testing, so my mom and younger brother all went and after testing both me and my brother did good but i had done better saying i went up 4 grades in 2 things from the year prior and both things my mom had not worked on with at all and everything else i also went up in. My brother went up a max of 2 grades basically on everything which was still good but kinda normal. I was super excited and proud of my good grades that i got on the test and was super excited to get praise for it (i dont get very good grades usually so i feel like a dumbass but knowing i did good i finally felt smart for once.) So we go in the car to go home and my brother just keeps talking about how proud of his decent grade he was and my mom was praising and saying how good he did. She said none of which to me. Not even a "good job" so while they were talking about how on spelling they havent worked on at all this year yet he still did good i said "oh yeah didnt i go up 4 grades in spelling? And creative writting?" (Both we havent worked on at all this year.) She said "yeah you did. It was probably from the German weve been doing." The only reason i had said that was to get her attention and for her to say "you did a good job" or some shit but i got jack shit while my brother got non stop praise. For once i was proud of my grade and she didnt say shit. Sorry if im being drammatic but this mixed with them fucking neglecting me cause my other siblings have problems pissed me off beyond belief. Again i probably sound like a baby complaining about this im sorry but its been pissing ,e off and i have no one to vent to also sorry its so long.

it's been really tough trying to figure out the right words to comfort my best friend when she's having a panic attack and the hardest part is that we're so far away from each other, sometimes I feel like I'm failing at being a good friend because I don't know if my messages actually help, and it's not like there's a universal script for this, you know? I always wonder whether I'm saying the right things, like, is there even such a thing as the "right thing" when it comes to text messaging during a panic attack? I've read somewhere that it's good to remind them to focus on their breathing, but isn't that kind of obvious? like, maybe they're already trying that but it just doesn't work; I've tried saying things like "remember to breathe" or "try to take deep breaths" but I can't help but feel it's too cliche; Is it really that simple? then there's the whole grounding technique thing, you know, the one where you tell them to list things they can see, hear, and touch, but does it make a difference when you're just typing it out and not there in person to guide them through it? I'm always worried about saying something that might make it worse, like what if I suggest that and it just frustrates her more?

so usually I fall back on letting her know I'm there for her, but I wonder if just saying "I'm here for you" really counts when I'm miles away behind a screen; it's just that none of the words seem to carry enough weight through my phone; someone once told me to remind her that it's temporary, but how can I convince her of that when I'm not even sure myself? I wish I knew what really goes on through her mind in those moments so I could be more helpful, I guess in a way I'm venting about my inability to truly help her through a panic attack via text; I want so desperately to be her anchor in those moments and I guess that's why I try to read more about it, like Reddit's subreddit on mental health or even some articles on psychology websites but nothing seems to fill in that gap of actually knowing what to do; it's always just theories and suggestions, and it's frustrating trying to apply generic advice to someone so unique like her; am I overthinking this, or is messaging just inherently a lacking form of comfort? I think about how much I want to be better at this, more equipped, but maybe I'm focusing too much on knowing exactly what to say and not enough on just being a presence, however virtual it may be; the logical part of me says to keep expressing empathy and validation, that at least those are probably neutral if not helpful, but I can't shake the feeling of inadequacy; like, is there anyone else out there who feels the pressure to always find the perfect words in an imperfect situation? the self-doubt is kind of paralyzing in its own right, makes me wonder if she's ever felt like this too during her anxiety; is it the same sort of paralysis that overcomes her? if I'm being totally honest, there are days when I wish I could just call her battles for what they are (complex and unpredictable) rather than trying to mold them into something understandable; does that make me a bad friend for not "doing my best"? I don't want her to feel unseen or unsupported because of my remote presence; I often think back to the groundwork of friendship, like reliability and listening, but does it all lose its importance over text? what do you think, is there a different framework for dealing with this distance, something more tangible that could provide solace? maybe next time, I'll ask her directly what she wants me to say, although that feels a bit like passing the responsibility; does anyone else struggle with these doubts? sometimes I just wish for a little more clarity in this friendship because supporting someone through a screen is so messy and uncertain; all this has been on my mind a lot lately, and maybe it shows just how deeply I care, even if I haven’t found the right method yet; but still, I keep questioning if her panic attacks ever 'get easier' for her.

With my mom I don't feel seen, I don't feel heard, I just want it to end. I can't stand this pain, no one gets it, I'm so ready to end it, she doesn't care, I know she doesn't. I want to cry but that doesn't help, I want to scream but I can't, I need a rage room but that didn't help, I want the pain to go away, I want it to stop, to leave me alone, but deep down, I know it won't, It'll keep coming back, it won't stop, it keeps coming and coming and I'm so tired. Nobody is really there for me, because people have their own lives. I just want someone that I can cry into, that will hold me, and I don't have that. And that's my problem. I need that, but inside I know I won't get it. And it sucks, It sucks not feeling safe enough to show feelings without getting yelled at. I'm so tired. I just want it to end. I want it to be over. I want someone to love me. I want to be someone's first priority. not second, not third, first. And I cry myself to sleep, knowing that'll never happen. I'm empty

I graduate hs next year and career paths I’ve seriously got nothing.. not even career just some way to make money to survive. Like with what people are saying about the job market wonder how it will be when I start actually looking for one. Ok I just want to complain about all these requirements bro volunteering, so many years of experience. Like ok fine we need jobs etc. but all this stress in just getting one. Bro. I personally would say I’m into creative stuff, arts etc. about last year ive been trying to get into graphic design. Lwk I was thinking of possibly doing them as my way of making money, business/career/wtv but i saw something like you kinda tie your self worth into how much money you make and that can be not very good for your mental health. And I genuinely understand I’m trying to make my designs really good and worth a possible commission n it stresses me out. But when I do it for fun (which was prob about 12 hrs ago) it was enjoyable. Same with art. Rn I’m making a comic not to make money or anything but bc I want to + love the characters and it’s been so fun!! Well a little stressed about making my drawings look good yk? So yh I understand when I see ‘don’t make you hobbies your job’ but then what? I want to move out of my parents house as soon as I can. But when will that be? I started thinking about jobs that people will need no matter what, food production, healthcare, n I’m assuming u gonna need some degree for it, n don’t get me started on those bro. So no I won’t. But I’ve always heard the phrase money = solving problems, so what problem do needs solving? But how can that work. Like with the creative stuff I was planning like I could potentially give myself an opportunity not hsve to wait around for some company to call back. So how will that work w whst people actually need bc theres prob a bunch? Ughh this is genuinely so tiring. This show will I believe my last summer where I’m still in mandatory school next summer I’m free(but of course post secondary) I’m nervous but also excited about that but idk man. Well this is lek just a rant

man, i’m 29 years old, and you’d think by now i’d have figured out how to handle my emotions like a pro. but nooooo, here i am with the emotional capacity of a teenage soap opera character. one minute i'm just doing my thang, y’know, cleaning the apartment like some unpaid maid, 'cause for real, my boyfriend is no help whatsoever. the dude’s living in a parallel universe where dishes clean themselves and laundry folds itself magically.🙄 and when i get mad, do i calmly rationalize and use my words? hell no! instead, my eyes well up with tears like i’m cutting onions. it's like my tear ducts are on autopilot the moment i feel even a smidge pissed off.

it’s like, come on girl, what’s wrong with me? i wanna scream at the top of my lungs like “yo dude, pick up a mop once in a while, yeah? it's not rocket science!” but instead my voice chokes, and i’m wiping my cheeks with my sleeves. 🤦‍♀️ it's like i need a tactical debrief before i can discuss anything serious. i’ve googled it a million times: “why do i cry when i get mad?” and it seems i’m not alone with this emotional malfunction. i read somewhere that it's 'cause of frustration or something...my body just doesn’t know how to handle it and my brain’s like, "yeah let’s add some tears, it'll make it even more dramatic." people say you're supposed to breathe deeply and count to ten, but ain't nobody got time for that when you’re neck-deep in dirty dishes.

seriously tho, why does my emotional system double-cross me? maybe it's because as a kid every argument ended with me in tears, so now it's just, like, ingrained or some sh*t? i try having civil convos with my boyfriend, but there i am, puddle of tears again. my emotional intelligence needs a user manual, someone help a girl out! how do people, like, confront without Niagara Falls happening on their face? i’m trapped in a cycle and it's like, what's the point even, if i just end up apologizing for the waterworks rather than fixing the problem? someone drop me some wisdom bombs here... has crying ever got ya out of doing chores? 🤔 'cause if it hasn’t, then maybe i need a new strategy.....

I’m 53 now, and I still remember the day I found out like it was yesterday, even though it was 20 years ago. My husband cheated on me, and I found out in the most boring, stupid way possible, a phone bill left on the kitchen counter. No dramatic lipstick on a collar, no movie scene. Just numbers I didn’t know and a weird feeling in my stomach that would not go away. I asked him, and he tried to dodge it at first, then he cried. I cried harder. Back then I thought cheating meant the marriage was instantly dead, like someone had shut off the lights forever.

For a long time, I didn’t forgive him. I stayed in the house, cooked dinner, drove the kids to school, smiled at neighbors, and hated him quietly. I felt stupid for staying;

But life is not always as clean as people on the outside want it to be. We had two children, a mortgage, and 15 years of history at that point. I loved him, even when I wanted to throw his clothes in the street. What helped me was not pretending it was fine. We went to counseling. He gave me passwords, answered ugly questions, and took my anger without acting like he was the victim. That mattered.

Forgiveness, in my opinion, is not saying “what you did was okay.” It is more like saying, “I don’t want this pain to own me forever.” I forgave him slowly, almost by accident. One morning he brought me coffee before I woke up, like he used to. Another time he sat with me in the car while I cried after dropping our daughter at college. Little by little, I saw he was trying to be a better man, not just a man who got caught. Have you ever wanted to forgive someone but felt like doing it meant betraying yourself?

Today we are still married. Not perfect, not some magical love story, but real. He knows he broke something that never went back exactly the same, and I know I became stronger than I thought I could be. I don’t think everyone should stay after cheating. Sometimes leaving is the healthiest forgiveness you can give yourself. But for me, forgiveness was possible because he changed, and because I chose peace over carrying poison in my chest. At 53, I can say my heart healed. It has scars, sure, but scars are also proof you survived.