Life Stories and Everyday Drama

i don’t even know why I’m so nervous after all these years, maybe because I’m 54 now and everything feels more fragile, even the things I thought I had figured out. I’ve been working in this company for more than 20 years, through restructurations, new managements, endless workflow updates and all the “as per our last email” nonsense that comes with corporate life. and now that I finally have something for myself, my little office at home, the massage table set up, the kinesiology charts pinned on the wall, my magnets sorted in a drawer like some kind of treasure chest, I’m scared stiff of telling my boss I’m quiting. Isn’t that stupid? after two decades of performance reviews, KPI check-ins, regular compliance training and being told I’m “a strong asset”, I should be able to say one simple thing: “I’m leaving.” But he likes the job I do, he always says it, sometimes I even think he relies too much on me. And he doesn’t believe in kinesiology at all, he once called it “that body energy thingy you see on TV” and laughed. So how do I bring this up without sounding like I’ve lost my mind, or like I’m running away from the whole production chain just to go hug crystals ✨?

The weirdest thing is, I’m not unsure about the choice itself. I’m ready. really ready. I’ve read so many books, done trainings, passed exams, practiced on friends, even did a few sessions with co-workers who were brave enough to let me test muscle responses on them. One of them told me, “Honestly, it kinda worked,” which is still my favorite feedback ever. I’ve been doing the logistics too, registering my activity, checking insurance requirements, planning the client intake forms, trying to figure out how to explain muscle testing without sounding like a witch. everything is in place, even the scent diffuser that smells like eucalyptus went crazy last night for some reason. And yet, I freeze every time I imagine the conversation with my boss. He’s not a bad guy, just very...pragmatick. “Evidence-based or nothing,” he told me once when we were talking about stress. I know he’ll look at me like I told him I’m leaving to go join a circus. Should I try small talk first? Should I just say it straight? have you ever had to quit a job when the person in charge thinks your next career is bogus; because that’s exactly my situation and I feel like I’m rehearsing a script that won’t sound right no matter what?

Another part of me still remembers the early days when I was doing data-entry and he was still learning the ropes himself. there was this one time, during a big audit, where I stayed until midnight to help clean up the regulatory documentatoin, and he told everyone the next day, “She saved our asses.” That stuck with me for years, maybe too much. maybe that’s why I feel like announcing my departure is like betraying some old unwriten pact. But I can’t spend the rest of my life worrying about whether someone else is disappointed because I want to follow my own path. I’ve spent over two decades dealing with supply chain anomalies, preparing monthly reports, making sure the backoffice processes don’t collapse over a missing signature, and honestly it’s enough. My body is tired. My shoulders are constantly tight. last winter, I kept thinking, “If I’m helping everyone else stay on track, who’s helping me?” That was the moment I knew something had to change, even if the change made no sens to anyone else. My sister even told me, “At your age, people slow down, not start new weird careers.” But I’m not slowing down, I’m redirecting. Isn’t that allowed?

So now I’m drafting the resignatoin letter, with typos everywhere because my hands are shaking like an idiot. I wrote, “Thank you for the opprotunity,” and didn’t even correct it yet. maybe it shows how human this all is. Maybe it’s fine. The real challenge is deciding whether to explain everything or keep it short. Do I say “I’m becoming a kinesiologist and magnetizer,” or do I just say “pursuing a personnal project”? I keep hearing his voice saying, “We need you in the Q3 cycle,” and I know the timing sucks, but if I don’t do it now, I’ll never do it. life isn’t waiting for the perfect slot in the operational calendar; and neither am I. I keep thinking of that line from a book I read years ago: “Sometimes the door is open, but you have to be the one who walks through.” So maybe that’s what I’ll do. maybe I’ll sit down in his office, smile politely, and say, “I need to talk to you about something important.” And then I’ll just breathe and hope the world doesn’t fall appart. After all, if I can help clients align their energies, surely I can survive telling one man I’m moving on. Right?

So they are my childhood friends who make fun of only me and i was so naive back then but now also it's just like i am almost scared of them like if i say something wrong they are gonna say something and whenever i see them now it's like all the fun they made of me or all the whispers i heard or the judging comes flowing back but then there's a very little part who thinks like they are my friends like i spent half of my life with them so i just go meet them and after meeting then it just feels bad even if they are good to me at that time i just can't trust them because they prove me wrong everytime i thik they are nice to me it's like idk. and one more thing all those years i just used to laugh with them and then come home and cry so much like i had more bad memoris of them than good

Ok so here goes nothing i have been in a pickle for this thing for the longest time because idk so umm from grade 5 i was in the same section till grade 10 and all of the students were same and my friend group consisted of almost the whole class so there were 2 kinf of people one they made fun of me my facial features and my past like what i used to do as a kid and i clearly gave them signs that don't talk like that but yk looking back thery just made fun of me 96ercent of the time we were togther yk i get like wanting to laugh but why would they only talk about me idk is this normal or am i being dramatic ? and there are type 2 people who think i am not just on their level because i don't have enough money i have heard them whispering about me or sometimes they would say it to my face but all i did was i kept quiet idk if these friends are really my friends or not ?

ok seriously i dont think i can survive tonight

i am scared to comeback home, i still remrmber my trauma from my dad its not going away, and he started shouting about how theres secrets being kept and i feel those secrets are keeping me alive and maybe free idk, im scared to come home now, i thibk killing myself is the only option, no ones saving me, im fucked, i dont deserve a family, im fucking everything up all the time, im lazy seriously

I think I might be the floater friend. I used to have a friend group of four people including me. I was actually the last one to be included, and I tend to be the quiet one while the other three are the ones who talk all the time. But that doesn’t mean I never react to their messages, I do. I’m just not the type who likes to initiate conversations all the time, especially when there’s nothing happening in my life.

But I can sense them slowly drifting away from me. I feel like one of them is the “leader” of the group, and she’s the one who kind of decides where the relationship goes between all of us. I recently found out they went back to their old group chat where I’m not included. I asked if something was going on, and we talked it out, but in the end they still ended up talking only among themselves.

Honestly, it really sucks. I feel excluded, but there’s nothing more I can do because I’ve already addressed it, and everything after that feels out of my control. I guess I’ll just let this friendship slowly fall apart.

Ummm so i need advise on something my cousin sister who is currently 16 yrs old had a bf in the past but i didn't like him i told her to her face that don't hong out with him i don't like him but soon what happened was her family found out and they freaked out because if you don't know indian families they are not just any asian families where they allow sometimes its like really strict if you get caught it's like you did a crime so they found out and then his bf idk yelled at my cousins dad or hit him so he was sent to boarding school bhut then he returned and i saw him a few days ago and now my sister told me that he told my cousib's little sister if she is not talking to me i will make her by slaping her and now idk what to do i can't just let both of my little sister's in danger and the fact is my cousin's dad is relly innocent he doesn't do fights and stuff and its my mom's side of family and they are calm i think if i tell them that they will just blame my cousin so who should i tell idk tell me plss ??? i can't help but overthink

I took a few tests and they all say that I'm at risk of an eating disorder but I don't know if they're like accurate or not so if you could give me like accurate test that's very pretty cool because I don't think that I'm at risk because I'm not like really skinny you know so I don't think I am but if you guys have any accurate test that'd be pretty cool

love,

Melody (13 f)

I'm not completely sure if these are forms of self harm but I like bite myself till I bruise and sometimes the bruising is bad but no one can see it because I bit myself close to the shoulder and I were short sleeves that cover it and I also bang my head against the wall but it's not cutting myself or like you know so I don't know if that's so hard it's just not leaving anymore on myself because I had a sibling that did so far and they have these marks and stuff like that but I don't so I don't know if it counts if you have any questions or anything just ask in the comments and if you have any advice just leave it too thank you

love,

Melody (13 f)

I went upstairs because I had been around family all day seeing as its sunday a church day for us as I type this but when I did I hear my grandmother talking behind my back about how she doesnt want to be the bad guy anymore about standing up to my grandpa and how much I ate at dinner when all I had was some gumbo which wasnt my favorite, two mints, and one donut. I know it sounds like a lot but ever since getting on my anti depressant my want to eat has returned but she also goes on and on about me getting a job when they havent taken me to get my permit at all or even made time for me to get it plus I live in a small town thats kind of labeled as a dying town by some of the others living here so finding a job will be a hurdle more then likely unless the local bank or something wants to hire by some miracle. Im also a women however and a lot of the people here that I know of have been arrested for drug use so it wouldnt be smart to work at a gas station but to get out I would do it even with risk just to finally be safe and not have my own family talk about me behind my back granted they probably still will when I move out but at least I dont have to hear it then.

I’m someone who leans more toward anxiety, and I’m currently working on that. But sometimes I still get confused about whether it’s okay not to text my partner when I don’t really have anything to say, especially because my partner doesn’t like texting and we don’t live together.

When we haven’t texted or there’s no small talk that day, my mind starts spiraling, and I get scared that the relationship is slowly falling apart. I know that if there’s no actual problem, everything is fine, and I’ve gotten better at not reacting to those thoughts.

But honestly, I still don’t know how to show up in the relationship without feeling afraid that things are one-sided.

I feel like I’m on the verge of a whole medical mental breakdown, I’ve had horrible panic attacks recently , death thoughts, even attempting suicide, and I don’t wanna live anymore, I’m only eating half a cucumber a day, and one glass of water and I feel like every single time I cry people find me annoying, and just want me to die.

I guess I just need to get this off my chest, and maybe someone here will get what I’m going through, because honestly, I’m kind of spiraling even though I’m trying to stay calm and polite about the whole thing, you know?? I’m 37 years old, been single for what feels like ages, and my family never misses a chance to remind me about it, always these jokes from my siblings, like they think it’s harmless, but it digs a bit deeper every year because I’m trying, I really am, even if they don’t see it!! And suddenly, out of nowhere, someone walks into my life who makes me feel things I thought I left behind in my mid-twenties… and now I’m terrified about messing everything up before it even really starts?? Maybe that sounds silly?? Maybe you’ve been in a similar spot?? I keep asking myself if I’m overthinking or if this is just what happens when life finally throws you something good and you don’t feel prepared for it.

So, the thing is… she’s a stripper. And yes, I already hear some of you sighing or raising an eyebrow or thinking “dude, seriously??” which is exactly the problem, because that’s how my family will react, I’m pretty sure, and it’s driving me crazy before they even know anything. I met her at a friend’s birthday outing, and she wasn’t working then, she was just there, relaxed, laughing, talking like a normal person (because she is a normal person, but I’m embarrassed to admit it took me a minute to see that clearly). We ended up chatting for a long time, and she told me about her job in this kind of open, matter-of-fact way that honestly impressed me!!!! She wasn’t shy or ashamed, she just explained that it pays well, she’s safe, and she’s saving for something better. And all I could think was how confident she sounded, how mature, how honest, while I’m here stressed out because I can’t even handle my family’s dumb comments half the time?? Isn’t that ridiculous?? Sometimes I wonder if I’m the insecure one in this situation and she’s actually the one holding all the maturity.

The more time we’ve spent together, the more I like her… maybe even love her, which feels scary to admit but also kind of hopeful. She’s funny, she listens, she’s patient with my awkwardness, and she seems to genuinely care about who I am, not what I should be by some outdated family standard. I had this moment last week where we were having dinner and she touched my hand in this simple, gentle way, and it just hit me that I haven’t felt that kind of warmth or connection in so long. Do you ever get that sudden wave of “oh wow, this could be something real” and then immediately panic?? Because that’s me… every... single... day!! And then I start worrying again, like what will my brother say, or will my mom look at me with that disappointed half-smile, or will my cousins make their stupid jokes behind my back?? Why am I still scared of these reactions at my age?? I’m 37, for goodness sake, and yet I still worry like I’m some kid trying to hide a bad report card.

But here’s the thing I keep coming back to: maybe this is finally a chance for me to live for myself instead of for what people expect. Maybe dating someone who’s honest, caring, hardworking, and brave enough to choose her own path, no matter what people think, is actually a good influence on me?? I even told her the other day that I was worried about my family judging her, and she smiled and said, “One step at a time… we’ll figure it out when we get there.” And that kind of calm confidence shook me a bit, in a good way!!!! I’ve always been polite, always trying not to upset people, but maybe I’ve been too careful, too scared, too controlled by everyone else’s opinions. Isn’t it strange how we can be grown adults and still be trapped by stuff we should’ve outgrown years ago?? Does that happen to you too??

Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m hopeful… genuinely hopeful for once. I know there will be awkward talks and judgment and probably some uncomfortable family dinners, but I also know that she makes me feel alive and appreciated and seen. And isn’t that what we’re all looking for?? I’m not ashamed of her, not really, not when I’m honest with myself, just scared of the noise around us. But maybe I can learn to let that go, bit by bit. If you’ve ever gone through something like this, how did you handle it?? Did your family come around?? And if they didn’t, did you still move forward anyway?? I really want to believe that choosing someone who cares about me is the right thing… and maybe, just maybe, this is my chance to finally build something real!!

Yeah, uh, shocking thing coming up. Maybe in a few months we may be moving to a different home. We bought some property, we paid off a large amount of debt, and the houses are almost done! We made a good investment, since it's a larger house with I think joint houses, and it's larger than an apartment we live in. I'm also kinda scared, since I'm not in my familiar place anymore, I'm way farther than when we last moved, and what if the kids there think I'm still weird? Plus, next year, my class is getting shuffled, plus new kids are coming, so what if they also find their own groups without me, and even in the new neighborhood I'm alone and left out? If that will happen, then guess what, it's a sign the universe is telling me I'm destined for isolation, because who needs people anyways? I heard hermits can be happy being alone, and plus, I wanted to befriend a new kid in this grade earlier, it never happened, so I give up. At least it's easier than failing over and over again. I'd feel worse because even when we shuffled, I'd have no one miss me at all, or even cross their minds. I won't be missed by anyone from school at all. An incident yesterday, when I was reading a Naruto book, 2 kids were asking each other if they liked anime, both which said no and called it boring. Now, I don't care if you like or hate it, but in that context with me around, I felt bad, like they were talking about me.

I can be tough! I can be hard! Why are you suggesting I show vulnerability, if I can get hurt!? As a child, an adult, in life! Who'd wanna reveal all their weaknesses to a random person who's a friend? Maybe they're hiding their plan to hurt you, to humiliate you, to degrade and make nasty jokes about you online in spaces for months just to remind you you're an idiot, or leave you behind because they think you're a weirdo!? My brother is right, I never had a friend and never will! He's found his species, yet I'm the only one remaining. People hurt each other, and I'm not gonna be caught in their crossfires. I feel like Sid, from Toy Story. Braces, kinda angry, friendless cus they're scary, we both cut up toys and reattach their parts, but mostly, I feel like a dumb nerd. I can know too much of a few subjects, especially science, and my brother really hates the "try-hards", the ones who are quiet and get high marks. He calls them lonely people. Bria my doll feels like a bad kid's art project! God, this version of me is....not at all what my younger self wanted. When I told my mom I knew way more than the class about the uh...puberty chapter that even the teacher acknowledged (I was surprised even the girls didn't know the thing after your period was the ovulation cycle which is when you are able to get pregnant), my mom said I was a nice R&D kid, which I thought she said sarcastically, before mom said it was a real compliment. But yeah, 6 y/o me would've never wanted this as her future. 6 y/o me would've called me now a "friendless nerd" too.

I feel like such a nerd for reading JJBA, like, the show's there for a reason! I already feel like a big nerd. No friends, have a niche interest, I have braces, I'm kinda short at 5'4", not really that pretty, and now I'm reading a manga and not watching the anime because I can't watch Netflix because my dad thinks JoJo is weird (seriously, if I tell him that JoJo has scenes like Giorno caressing Mista or that DIO is bi, he'll say it's a "woke" show, when really Araki did this to be even more bizarre), and I don't even know if JoJo airs where I live on Netflix. I'm a bigger nerd for reading Jojo. You know what's my future? A friendless, short, ugly, nerd, smart-ass, snitch version of me. Yeah, no wonder I don't have friends. And mom's lying when she says I'll meet them as an adult! I won't! They'll only short-term friends and not good ones, like what dad said. In fact, screw even finding love at all, because right now, dad said him and mom are just lucky. Not everyone is lucky. They got lucky and managed somehow for 16 years. Seriously, whenever I hear mom tell me she sometimes hate some aspects about dad (he can get overly angry sometimes), I think they're gonna divorce because it all starts from there, right? Plus, mom is a child of divorce, so maybe the cycle repeats. 5 years down the line (I'm 13), I'll be friendless, and then my hobbies will go away forever because of immense IGCSE homework and whatnot, and bam! Next friendless person in the world's billion populated list of friendless, 25 y/o virgins! Even my classmates all have someone! And because of that, they all act like idiots in school! They all have fun and goof off! And those who score higher are just smarter than me. They're not try-hards, they're not-try-at-all because they're smarter than me. And you know what, I will become a lonely, 25 y/o virgin with no hobbies like every adult on Earth, movies say it and real people say it. Then when I turn 30, I'll become 70kg at 5'4" dwarf heights, I'll still be a virgin and I'll be called old with multiple skin tags and wrinkles. I even feel like a messiah next to my classmates because I predicted my true future! Theirs are different because they have people, I don't. Again, by 30, I'll be fat, still short, still ugly, I'll develop skin tags next and maybe my eczema will worsen, I'll be lonely, and I'll lose every time for any hobby and work away in a 9-9 job. Exactly like Bridget Jones! She's what every woman on social media is at 30! Heck, they make videos fearing when they turn 30! I won't find love by then unless I make myself the brothel-girl, because I've heard that's how you get pimped out by someone. Still, my future is dull. And 70kg at 5'4" is very bad, I'll weigh as much as my 43 y/o dad and he's 5'11"!

Anxiety is good for you. I'm not drained, I don't even know it feels to be drained. Maybe anxiety and this constant worrying is good, you're saying adulthood isn't bad because movies sell that. Adulthood sucks because you work 9-9, you lose hobbies due to exhaustion, and if you're a woman, please! I'll still be short at 5'4", and I won't remain 45kg, I'll become 70kg at 30! That's overweight territory! I won't have friends because office is a jungle of competition, so me worrying and giving up is normal! Dad finds those people at 30 like one of my uncles who lives with his parents because he's in a PhD kinda thing and he's super energetic "weird". I thought he was 20, not 35! So if this were the case, look what happens. Dad thinks they're weird. It's all a movie's lie when they say it'll get better. Dad may work 9-6, but I don't think every adult works for that long. I heard in some countries they slog for 9-9, and slogging is good. At least I'd be occupied by work and not people probably secretly wishing harm to me because I'm competition in the workplace! I ain't listening to mom when they say bonding is seen each other's strengths and as much you're both competition you shouldn't bring each other down. In the office, there's a war. There's a scheme where everyone wants to humiliate or berate you. I'm the only Bucciarati in a space of La Squadra Esecuzioni assassins! I have always had such a critical mind. As much as I hate having it, it's the only thing keeping me alive. It's like having a vegetable, you hate it but you gotta eat it to live.

I'm so lonely I don't have anyone to talk to that might feel and then when I finally open up to my parents I'm debating on how I should feel or I'm actually feeling or my memory that I know happen I'm going insane I just want a friend or someone to talk to and I had a friend named Asher and he's gone he just we were dating and then he just stopped talking to me and that was the first time and I want to say since third grade when the pressure got too much I felt just like this pure actual happiness like nothing could bring me down and it is felt like there was nothing in the world that could make me sad again and then he just left me because he was going through some things instead of talking to me he just left and I know it's bad to be very upset at him but I am he just left he just stopped talking to me and now I'm all alone again the difference is he has friends I have none I'm all alone I don't know why I'm so lonely I just want friends I want someone to love me and just let me speak about my feelings but I have no one just no one or maybe one day I will again that's it

sincerely Melody (13,f) [don't comment if you're just gonna be mean]

Growing up my mom and my dad abused physically and emotionally me and all of my siblings. I seem to be the only one in the family who can’t stand the toxicity. 7 years ago I moved 7 hours away family continued to chase me down. (all of my family lives within an hour of each other except for my grandpa in another state) ***and recently even he admitted to making a plan in trying to chase me down to so that I would move back around my family*** a year ago I moved back in with my mom under the pretense that we were going to heal together and that my mom recently admitted she lied to me to get me to move back so that she could change me. She is disgusted that I’m Bisexual, she tells me I’m possessed with demons. I have already lost a bunch of weight since moving back and I hate it I wish I weighed more but my mom keeps trying to get me to lose more. She hates that I were makeup and take time in my day to dress myself in that way that I like I’m the only goth musically and appearance in my family and that constantly try and crush that out of me. Today my bother picks me up and starts screaming at me telling me I’m the problem in my family and that I just need to slap a smile of my face and accept things for how they are. To top that all off I’m in collage and I work and my family tries to stop me from doing school to do a bunch of labor on the property. I’m so drained. I have also been the only one in my family to get high level of care I take antidepressants, I have seen many therapist and psychiatrist to deal with all of this trauma. I am aware of my family disfunction I am not seeking advice I just need to get this off my chest in this moment because today I’m packing my things and I’m leaving tomorrow I’m going to be homeless for a bit but my peace is worth the struggle for awhile. There is so much more about the horrific things my family as done to each other and I can’t do this anymore I blocked all of my family members tonight and I’m leaving tomorrow. I’m letting go of the stress and setting boundaries and allowing myself to have the peace that I deserve.