Life Stories and Everyday Drama

I'm not really sure where to start, I'm exhausted thinking about it, trying to understand it all. The person love most (l've never loved some one to this level before we've had a rocky relationship/ friendship for 5 years. She'd beg to be with me or see me or get upset with me for not talking to her but every time she talks to someone l end up getting blocked for calling out her behaviors and such but recently we've had 10 and half months of good close very close contact.

Her blowing up my phone every day, begging to see me every weekend, needs to be near me. Well she acting weird a month ago and then she said she was spiraling and needed to focus on her self. I had a feeling that she was doing something like talking to someone again, on Friday she finally admitted it, she's now acting like never even mattered.

We got into an argument for about an hour then just joked around for another hour. I ended up kicking her off all my subscriptions and she in turn made her Spotify profile private and removed her self from one of our playlist(we have two.) I'm not sure what to do anymore, hate when she acts like this. I feel extremely hurt and betrayed, but all! want is her

I know the title is harsh but it’s the truth and pretty straightforward. She’s not always a bitch, which is why I can say I love her but sometimes when she’s stressed it’s like a unanimous vote collectively agreed I am the punching bag for her misfortune.

Seriously. I’ll just be checking on her and suddenly she’s rude, disrespectful and lowkey aggressive. For example, when I ask her question about something she’d normally tell me an answer or explain it for me. Simple right? Well when she’s stressed, she insults my intelligence and says it’s common sense.

I then say, why is it so hard to just tell me without feeling the need to put me down? She gets mad at me and tries to justify her rude behavior. The aggressive part is when she puts her hands on me. I don’t think it’s abuse but idk what would be abuse tbh

so if I say something that she considers disrespectful she’ll tell me to come here and when I do she grabs my arm and pull me towards her. My mom is heavy handed so that shit hurts and when I tell her to stop that hurts you’re bruising me and my skin is red (because I’m light skin so I get red a lot easier than my mom) she just says that I’m not and completely ignores me.

At that point I wanted to cry but then she’ll just call me sensitive, smack her lips and let me go. Then when I try to leave, she’ll say “oh now you wanna a leave cus you didn’t get what you wanted.” It’s so weird and bizarre because my mother does NOT act like that yet when she’s stressed she’s a different person.

I’m totally aware how sensitive and empathic I am. But that doesn’t give anyone the encouragement and leverage to treat me like that. Especially my own mother. I know I feel things a lot more than people but I use that to distinct how I perceive people and what they mean to me. And that? well that is shitty behavior that I hate experiencing.

I turned 18 last weekend but I can't say Im happy as I feel so low at the moment .

I feel overwhelmed and anger and upset 24/7 and college isn't helping.

No one seams to understand how frustrating it is to be enfold onto a course you've all ready done and unfortunately did not pass and to be re inrolld onto it bit not to be aloud to do any of the work so you are sitting in a classroom for an hour doing nothing learning nothing.

To be told you are going to be kicked out of you can not finds a mother course. but you should not be in the situation in the fist please as it's there own cult for in rolling you onto the same course again.

but they keep telling you if you don't finds a course you will be kicked out .

But since I started at that college I haven't felt like it was the right fit as I've always struggled with the work they gave me since day 1 and I am left in limbo untill they or I find I different course tht is a good fit for me .

but I don't know if I actually want to continue going to that college if I'm feeling like this.

I am already look into other college and possible jobs I can do.

As I have to take into account that I have Adhd a middle learning disability and knee issues.

both me and my mum as sent the college emails explaining how I have been feeling lately.

Any thought or tipps Wellcome.

I recently found myself moving back in with my parents, you know, just to save some cash before heading off to grad school. I'm 25 now, and for some reason, I thought that living at home would offer a cozy escape. Little did I realize, the dynamics at home hadn't shifted an inch since my teenage years! My parents? They're still stuck on imposing curfews like it's 2010 all over again. It's baffling how they manage to keep questioning every little decision I make: my choice of friends, what time I'll return home (seriously?), and even the music I listen to! I'd like to believe I'm an adult capable of making informed choices, but it's becoming increasingly difficult when I'm treated as if I'm back in high school. 🙄

The first few weeks were manageable; after all, it was nice having warm meals without any hassle and being surrounded by family. However, as days turned into weeks, their need to practically monitor my every move became suffocating. Just last week, I was out with some old pals and ended up extending our dinner plans only to find myself being barraged with texts from Mom asking where I was! At one point she even asked if I had forgotten their house rules... house rules?! I mean... come on now... I'm not trying to be rebellious here but isn't it acceptable for adults to have flexible schedules?

Despite an occasional sigh here and there when talking about this situation with friends (who are most certainly bewildered), I can't help but weigh the pros against cons constantly; surely these savings will pay off once grad school kicks in...but is peace of mind worth compromising over financial prudence? An internal conflict swirls on whether or not having a serious chat with them would prove fruitful or simply intensify matters further such as setting stricter boundaries instead of loosening them up... Who knows what may happen next?

growing up in a house where talking about sex was like bringing fire into the room, it's been rough trying to shake off that weird feeling of guilt. i mean, every time i try to express what i want in a relationship, boom - there's this nagging voice from my childhood telling me i'm doing something wrong. it's like they planted this seed of shame and it just won't stop growing.

now as an adult, it's frustrating dealing with these feelings when i'm supposed to be enjoying love and intimacy. like why can't i just get past it? when someone says "let's talk about what you want," my brain goes into overdrive picturing disapproving faces from the past. not being able to have those open conversations without sweating bullets is so exhausting. sometimes i feel like shouting at my younger self: "don't listen to them!" but hey, easier said than done, right? expressions like "keep your desires hidden" or "be modest" somehow managed to take root way too deep.

So it’s in the title. I suffer from social anxiety and yea suffer is the right word for sure.

In the comfort of my own home I’m fine, In fact, more than fine. However, every time I’m outside-even with family- I feel so much anxiety and I hate it. Every time I get anxious I immediately shut down. I refuse to talk to anyone and I isolate myself. Sometimes I cry but I’ve mastered holding in my tears, for the most part anyways.

I try to hide my face but I’m horrible at masking my anxiety. I tried asking for help and telling people just how anxious I get and they dismiss my feelings because they can’t fathom the idea of someone being anxious just by being outside with people. They make me feel like what I feel is inferior and just a “phase.”

So genuinely, can someone please share tips, advice to help me become more comfortable and less anxious in outside settings. I’m not saying I want to befriend people, I just want to be less anxious in general. I’m not planning to be some social butterfly, just comfortable.

so i decided, like many people, to start going to the gym this year; you know, new year, new me kind of thing. but man... it's a whole circus in there!!! seriously, i walk in, and i'm greeted by this gigantic maze of machines that look more like torture devices than fitness equipment!!! there are so many knobs and levers i feel like i'm trying to pilot a spaceship or something. i don't even know where to begin!

and then there's the crowd. oh boy. everyone else seems like they live at the gym! they're all fit and confident and lifting weights that are heavier than my entire body weight (i wish i was joking). meanwhile, here i am struggling to figure out how to adjust the seat on a leg press machine without looking like a complete idiot 🤦‍♂️. it doesn't help that i always feel like there's someone watching me thinking 'oh look, another newbie who doesn’t have a clue'.

i tried asking for help once... big mistake! some guy just pointed vaguely in the direction of what felt like a hundred different machines and said ‘that one’. thanks bro! you're super helpful!! not! honestly, it's stressful enough just being there without feeling judged every second by these seasoned pros.

now i'm starting to question if this whole thing is worth it??? maybe gyms aren't really for everyone... or maybe i just need more time...who knows? maybe i'll get used to it eventually or maybe i'll just end up paying for an unused gym membership. wouldn't be the first time that's happened! anyway, guess i'll keep trying for now...

I've been feeling this overwhelming sense of self-criticism lately. Every task I complete at work seems to come with this inner monologue pointing out what I could've done better. Even when I'm chatting with friends, there's a voice in the back of my mind picking apart every word I've said. It's exhausting! You'd think that achieving a goal or receiving praise would bring some relief, but instead it just amplifies this relentless disdain I have for myself. Recently, it's gotten worse, affecting my daily mood and behaviors in an undeniable way. No idea why it's happening or how to fix it 🙃.

These feelings are like having an internal performance review running nonstop, assessing every aspect of my life with a critical eye. It feels so detached and yet deeply personal at the same time. There's a sophisticated vocabulary swirling around in my head that analyses everything I do constantly 😓. The balance between being unbiased and harsh is lost on me right now because all I feel is negativity towards myself. It's like I'm stuck in this loop without any real understanding of where to start unraveling these thoughts.

ever feel like you're somehow a magnet for blame? that's kinda been my life lately. i mean, no matter what happens, whether it's big or small, i always end up feeling like it's my fault. just last week at work, some files got misplaced. wasn't even something on my desk but there i was, spiraling into guilt as if i'd personally thrown them into the ocean.

it's like this constant loop in my head, playing over and over until i'm convinced that every mishap in the universe is directly linked to me. someone trips on the sidewalk? totally my fault for being there at that exact moment. phone dies midday? must've jinxed it somehow by complaining about battery life yesterday.

i know it sounds absurd when i say it out loud but inside, it feels very real. there's something about self-blame that grabs you like quicksand and before you know it (poof!) you're neck-deep and unable to climb out without help. it's not just affecting me mentally but also my relationships with people around me because let's be real: nobody wants to hang around with someone who's constantly down on themselves all the time.

heard this quote once that went something like 'we are our own worst critics' and honestly it's true. it's hard though trying to switch off that inner critic when it seems so deeply ingrained in who you are. makes me wonder if i'll ever break free from this exhausting cycle or if i'm destined to carrying this heavy load forever... maybe one day i'll figure it out but till then guess i'll keep trying baby steps.

good day to all of you lovely people. i find myself in a bit of a conundrum concerning the debate about self-harm being equated to a sin. recently, i had a rather intense discussion with a religious leader in my community and it has left me feeling quite perplexed. they articulated their position with fervor, citing various religious texts and interpretations that describe self-harm as immoral behavior. however, i am struggling to reconcile this view with my personal experiences and struggles;

i must admit that this conversation has only served to muddy the waters further for me. while i have engaged in self-harming behaviors in the past, it's not something i consider lightly or without due consideration. these actions are often born out of an overwhelming need for relief and not intended as acts of defiance against spiritual teachings. the suggestion that such personal struggles could be interpreted as a direct affront to faith feels deeply troubling;

my own interpretation leans towards understanding self-harm as a manifestation of mental health challenges rather than moral failings. unfortunately, i fear this nuanced perspective doesn't align well with traditional beliefs held by others who may prioritize doctrine over individual context. i'm reminded of quotes from sacred texts emphasizing love and compassion above all else – values which seem incongruous when used to judge so harshly those who are already suffering.

in my experience, conversations around topics like these tend to be fraught with tension because they touch upon deeply-held convictions on both sides. what strikes me most is how easily individuals can overlook empathy when discussing matters involving both faith and mental health issues simultaneously. there's an unfortunate tendency for misunderstanding between communities focused on adherence versus advocates promoting understanding.

perhaps someone out there can offer insight into navigating such complex spaces where spirituality intersects mental well-being? i'm genuinely interested in hearing different perspectives if you feel inclined to share yours.

every single time I'm about to step into one of those big work meetings, I swear my face just decides to turn traitor on me. you know that moment in romcoms when the character tries to play it cool but their expression gives everything away? yeah, that’s me. it doesn’t matter how many deep breaths I take or how many pep talks I give myself, my face is like, "surprise! I’m anxious!" if anxiety had a neon billboard, mine would be flashing "nervous here" for all to see. I should’ve worn a poker face last week when Janet shot me that squinty look, like she could read my mind or something.

I’ve tried all the calming techniques that are supposed to work like magic for everyone else. you know, the meditation sessions with some soothing voice promising that everything will be fine? or the deep breathing exercises that feel more like I’m prepping for childbirth than a meeting? even thought about diving into one of those self-help books that just sit there, gathering dust. fake it till you make it sounds great until you’re in the hot seat, and then poof, your confident act is gone, thrown out the window like yesterday’s trash when your face spills the beans. back in high school drama club, our coach was all about mastering non-verbal acting skills, and who knew I’d need that so much now? kind of ironic, right?

but hey, not all is lost. I had this hilarious flashback to when I was fresh out of college, sweating bullets during an internship interview. I was so nervous, trying to turn my jitters into humor, and it totally backfired. the boss laughed and thought I had guts, so I got hired. now I’m some sort of office legend because of that. they say grin and bear it works, but I tried grinning in a meeting once and it just weirded everyone out. never again! I did try a hypnotherapy app once. surprisingly good for sleep. I literally forgot about that cool cucumber phase and just need to chill a bit. maybe if I practice visualizing a relaxing beach and listen to a soothing playlist before heading into work, I might just hit the right vibe. if only I could wipe out the bad signals overnight. just imagine handling everything smoothly and staying upbeat. that would be a dream come true. I can honestly say that a few moments of poise have pulled me out of some pretty awkward situations.

at least every meeting builds a bit of resilience, right? I guess I have to keep pushing through, even if my eyes look like a rabbit caught in headlights. I’m trying to keep it flexible, grateful for the chance to craft dad jokes and compile them in my mental database. projecting that potential to break the ice with a little humor in the next hectic meeting sounds like a solid plan. just wait till Monday in my power suit. I’ll be ready for battle, wobble whispers and all!

Hi everyone! I just… i want to get things out of my chest and read about opinions or advices… anything actually

For as long as i remember i have been passive suicidal. Even as a young child i would try and drink up shampoos and the likes just to see how it’ll affect but of course back then i didnt know the word passive suicidal. I just wasnt afraid to die and not afraid to test little limits.

I grew up not physically abused - not a hit, not a yell. But i’ve just learned that trauma can also come from a “loving family”. I was “best” in most subjects, “most” in many behaviour but somehow i cant see the pride. I’ll be in honorable mentions and i will hear “it’ll be nice to be in top10” i reached top6 and i’ll hear “top5” and so on. Like even if i tried very hard there was no, you did a great job, it’ll be “it’s better if”. I got lots pf my artwork on exhibit on school but still no “good job”. Of course back then i didnt know how important reflection of pride from important people is.

I was sexually molested by a cousin and i ran to my mom. But there was no comfort. I just slept beside her, never talked about it and ny cousin never got in trouble (and i later found out that that certain cousin also molested another cousin)

In the end i stopped trying hard in school. I never failed but i wasnt in top anymore. I just let it as it is.

When i went to college, i got in a bad relationship.

i had a boyfriend - my crush and i heard he was embarrassed (i dont know what reason). I took it to heart and i ended up having a drink with a male friend (to me when i say friend, i mean it. Friend is friend). Who actually said the group’s coming over for a drink, since i was the nearest i got there first and noone was there yet he offered to start drinking i hesitated and suggested to wait but he said they’re all on the way. So of course it didnt end up well. I got drunk. VERY DRUNK that i only remember conversation while we were still alone

“Are you gonna make hot?”

“No. I have a boyfriend”

“Cmon make me hot”

“Hey i said no” and i pushed him but i passed out then and i woke up to a room with a lot of guys. I was on a lap of a guy wiping my face and whispering “hey dont ever come back here. It’s not good for you”

Then the week after was just horrible. I received messages from unknown numbers asking me to do threesome and many more of all that shit. And with all the things going i only felt like i had to talk to my bf before he hears about it from other people. So when i told him what happened he actually ended up choking me so hard i really though i was gonna die. While he was at it he repeatedly called me a whore bitch and slut. When he calmed down he said that inwas lucky to have him cos i am so dorty and unacceptable that noone will ever have me than him. That stuck to my head. He got me pregnant and shived down pills my throat and inside me so i lose the baby. I did t but i was having brown spots. And he took me to get an abortion. I was scared so i just went with him, he said he’d leave me and i’ll have to raise the child alone. I stayed in relationship with him, thankful and lucky to have him but somehow i was dying the longer we stayed together. When i refuse him on having sex he’ll get angry or force himself and repeat and repeat and repeat that i was lucky to have him cos noone will. So you knkw in the end i dont refuse him anymore i just let it without feeling anything, he doesnt even care if i finish as long as he does, in say 2-3mins.

My family helped go abroad for work. Flight, place to stay, everything so we can start out own family. I was excited… we’ll marry. Once he found a job i asked if he can start saving up so we can get married and then i’llgo there and stay with him and look for work there too. But he started refusing, saying he needs to mind his family first. Everyday for a year i begged him to marry me, he never said yes. And i lost my way… i was breaking up with him but he didnt want to but still didnt want to even just say yes to the marriage. Ao o started dating.

And it got really messy there. Because i never admitted how baf things really were between us, i was the bad guy. I still never said anything. My parents sent me in the country where he is for a few nights, they said we go talk things out. I came there to end things.

And… you know until now… more than a decade has passed… all i see are static images… i see me getting dragged across the hotel room on my hair. Being thown in front of a mirror. Him forcing himself on me in front of the mirror while i was crying “quietly” cos i dont want trouble (effect of the being molested as child and getting no help protection or talk). Him forcing me to look at myself in the mirror while does his business and still saying “see l? This your purpose. To please and be a cum dumpster”.

I became suicidal even more. Slitting wrost. Hanging. Overdosing over and over. But i didnt seem to die 😆

Things with him eventually ended. And the the next relationship i was into i was like “i am never getting married and having a child”

All started okay with this new guy. Chemistry or spark or whatever you want to call it was great. But after over a year - only then did he admit that he was married and has a kid. I leaned in to ending things then and there but he said his wife left him long ago and he was on passively suiciding by being alcoholic and smoking. I felt bad (duhh of course - so stupid right?) i gave him a chance and things actually are good with him.

Fas forward. I have an aunt who was fighting stage 4 colon cancer. And the thing that kept her fighting? I told her i’ll get pregnant and give her a grandkid. Every visit she will faintly smile at me? Are we going home to our homecountry? Me, you and the baby on your belly? And i will be like no, not yet. Me and my bf kept trying for her. Then the day came… my aunt died. And the promise? I realized it was more than a promise now. It’s something i want too for myself. So we went on trying. In 1 year, i had 2 chemical pregnancies. Next year complete drought. Then year 3 a ingot pregnant but miscarried at 4 months. THEN i stopped wanting and trying. Became even more depressed. But after 3 months of the miscarriage, i got pregnant. And i was so scared and careful and i never let myself feel happiness cos maybe the universe will feel me and just take away the happiness. Every cramp, Discharge, blood, i rush to the ER. I wrnt back to my home country. I had gestational diabetes, had emergency CS, cos baby’s heart was slowing cos i kept forcing to give birth normally. Then after the CS i was the one who almost died.

And because we’re not married (he’s annulled by the way - legally), my father would curse me everytime and one time he pushed-hit me while carrying the baby so i talked back and that’s when he kicked me out and disowned me. I stayed with my female cousin (the one who was also molested) and i found out that my father also molested her.

So my bf went home for a month of vacation from abroad and picked us up, we’ll stay over at his parents, he has a house but isnt ready yet). And his parents house ended up a nightmare. So many neglected cats and dogs, nobody cleans, there’s poo and pee everywhere - bathroom which smells worse than public toilets, sink, even the disrack, and this is LITERALLY. I have never been in a place so filthy. The mask themselves behind “animal lover” because of having lots of pets but the animals here are mangy, tocks and fleas, rhere are roaches everywhere. Kitchen smells like a piggery. So my baby and i just stay in our assigned room most of the times. I’m tired of cleaning up after orher people’s responsibilities. I love animals, i have 2 cats of my own that i flew across countries cos i would never abndon them. My cats got infested with fleas even though they’re lovked in our room - vet said there are no locked doors for parasites. But they’re okay now. Thank goodness. There was a puppy here who when she died, nobody kept her body someplace. They just left her under the table while they eat dinner… i wasnt able to eat for 24hrs then. The hidden cruelty, the filth, the nagging like why we are always in our room. Cmon i have a baby, who puts everything in her mouth. You all cant clean. You dont want to watch over my baby so i can clean - i tell you one time i asked my bf’s mom if she can hold mu toddler for a few minutes cos i need to use the toilet, i thighs havent even touched the toilet seat and she’s yellong for me to come get my baby, it’s a good thing i held my poop cos i went out the bathroom, i saw my toddler walking alome in the living room. There are stairs she could have climbed, there are cats and dogs that bite when stepped on, my toddler isnt even 2 years old so she doesnt know how to “watch where whe walks”, there are poos and pees she could’ve put in her mouth. And when i saw my bf’s mom in the kitchen she was like “oh i was selling something” nothing bad happened but you know the what ifffff. My bf knows all these, watches me cry every night on videocall, i asked him not to say anything to his family because obviously he isnt here. When their call ends, they go to me and well… he’s not here.

My only happiness is my toddler and my 2 cats.

My bf is quite questionable.

Sometimes all i want is a conversation.

I’m alone. New people. New place - very far from my hometown. And he’ll get mad. Sometime he’ll say sorry, he said he’s under a lot of pressure and guilt. And i understand. When something hurts, like my chest or back. He’ll get angry instead of comforting me.

So i dunno. I’m very lost. I’m thinking of ending things with him cos i think i cant do this anymore to myself cos i dont want my daughter to grow up seeing “it’s okay cos it’s love” and think that it is normal. But alao im almost 40 so i think i wont have a romantic chance.. or even a career chance now would i?i just want to secure my daughter something so she doesn’t end up like me. I am so scared and lost. Alaocplease dont worry about my suicidal side. I lost it since i had her. I am even i cant die now, cos i can leave her here.

Recently, I attended a reunion with some of my old college friends. We hadn’t seen each other in years, and I was looking forward to catching up and seeing how everyone had been doing. However, what I encountered was quite different from my expectations. It seemed like we were all speaking a different language than we used to, one filled with terms from our respective fields but lacking the depth that our conversations once had. There were references to new industry standards and developments (ok, totally valid topics...) but the discussions felt hollow. It was as if we were all talking past each other rather than really connecting.

I started questioning whether these friendships truly hold the same significance in our lives now as they did back then. Sure, people evolve and so do relationships, but sitting there at the table amidst laughter and chatter that didn’t resonate with me emotionally made me wonder: Were these friendships ever deep enough to withstand the test of time? Or were they more dependent on shared experiences that no longer exist? 🤔 Even though it was nice reminiscing about old times (even sharing some laughs!) I left with a sense of superficiality hanging over the entire evening. It's puzzling when you find yourself yearning for something more meaningful in relationships that once felt irreplaceable.

Today, after school, I flipped someone off because they flipped my mother off while driving. I know that doesn’t sound like a huge deal but it was to me. Extremely. I’ll say it honestly, I’m a wimp. I’m as weenie as they come. Passive too. I would have never done it if it was directed at me but when it was at my mom it was just an instinct to protect her. So I did it back.

My main problem is I can’t stop feeling bad after I flipped the person off. I want to say sorry but if I do that then they’ll just laugh at my face. I want to know how to become more assertive and not feel guilty or bad about it. Not take shit from others and assert my stance without feeling like I’m being a burden. Does that make sense?

Please take this seriously and don’t dismiss my feelings because you see it as minor. It’s a big deal to me, and that’s what matters to me. If you find this childish or inconvenient then don’t respond, easy as that.