Life Stories and Everyday Drama

I posted a few days ago about how messed up the school system is and how i feel really exhausted and i reread it recently and was like WOW was I playing a victim. I realized that the entire post is painfully pity-seeking, and makes me want to cry. I'm not having a harder time than anyone else, and my situation is actually very good, so the fact that I am actively harping against a reality I have created for myself is just completely disgusting. I've decided to stop acting like a martyr and actually take responsibility for my laziness and realize that there is NOTHING special about my situation. It's just called being in high school. It's just called working hard for a future and not looking for attention for surviving it. The only true problem is me, and it's about time I take responsibility for my life. Thanks to the comments who helped me realize that.

PS. How do I tell if some of those comments are AI? they felt too similar idk it was creepy. If you are not an AI and you comment, add in the name of a fruit and don't use emojis.

I don't know why, but when I travel with my family, my mom is the worst person I could travel with. She wouldn't leave me alone and always stays in my bedroom I share with my other siblings even though she has an even better bedroom. She then just comes in at any time and berates me when I'm just living and using one device. Says I'm addicted, even though she uses her phone to chat with friends for 9 HOURS, a day. And when we are visiting other families she then berates me (again) and compares me to them all the time. She also likes to lie. One time we were travelling and I said I didn't want to go. She said we were going to the zoo and after she just keeps trying to convince me I said yes. But guess what? No zoo. Not at all. It is pointless to try and hope that she will change, because she is never going to change.

My friend and I have known each other for a few years now and I have known her boyfriend before they started dating and that was when we hanged out with mutual friends. I noticed after they settled down together that she is very open sexually towards me and even makes her boyfriend give an opinion. Her boyfriend gets super uncomfortable and its obvious she wants him to say something so of course he says something to please her. its weird because whether or not he responds she tends to blow up the situation or completely takes things out of context. I don't know if I'm overreacting and I know I'm missing a lot of context.

do u ever see happy couple or family, or hear talk about it, and then ur instantly reminded u dont have a family, u have a house full of people but none good to turn to, none u can be urself with, ur just lonely, "friends" maybe idk, but there not safe to open up or they probably truly dont give a fuck, and are probably far away from u, and ur not sure who to trust and ur lonely forever, and were in a shitty world even then at least could be spent with nice people, no i dont even have that, im not even interesting person myself, i dont do or know interesting things, and if i dont work be productive my worth just vaporizes away, nobody would want me around if i dont contribute, nobody would care, if they did then there probably got there head in there ass, and im always will be second to someone else anyway

you really would destroy others’ lives simply so you’re a little happier, huh? you don’t give a FUCK about how others feel unless its how they feel about YOU. don’t try and deny that. you’re not doing it to change, you’re doing it to make a change in our lives. you’re trying to uproot our lives so you can be the oh-so dramatic friend that is unpredictable. you think our lives are some GAME, don’t you? you think that because you had your big exit means we suddenly don’t give a fuck. BUT WE DO. nothing is changing that. you can say “oh please don’t be mad at me” all you want but if you’re hurting and destroying others who genuinely care about you so YOU can have brand new friends who your fuckass brother won’t complain about then maybe we have the right to be angry. fuck you.

I don't feel like I have any friends in this life. I feel alone, completely alone, with no one to accompany me. I feel like I'm just going my own way in life, going nowhere. I don't feel good with the people I'm with; I feel hatred, anger, and other negative emotions. I feel like running away from where I am because I feel like everyone is acting like automatons, like completely irrational beings, because they don't consider the consequences of their actions. They live shaping the future, and the worst part is that you can't say anything to them because they understand that's just how they are, as if it were some kind of curse.

I'm with a girl who's there for me, who reciprocates my feelings, for no other reason than guilt, and unfortunately, blatant guilt, because she believed something that only existed in her head about me. I don't feel like anyone else is there for me, not even her friend, whom I also loved very much. I feel like everyone is there for me, that they reciprocate my feelings, for no other reason than because of what they did to me. Under different circumstances, they would all distance themselves from me, precisely to prevent their future mistakes stemming from their prejudices and their own intolerance. I don't feel comfortable where I am and I want to leave, but I don't know where to go, given that I lack the financial means to do so, and besides, I abandoned my career. I feel completely trapped, and everyone is extremely insecure. Nobody trusts anyone, and everyone is focused on maintaining their status. It's obvious that their thoughts are running wild, just like that, trying, in direct ways, at least in my case, to treat me the same as everyone else, when that's not the case, and their hypocrisy goes unseen. What kind of environment am I in? I can't even trust the therapists because they seem imposing and aggressive. They all live in a world completely detached from reality, a world built solely on a few observations and many prejudices.

I don't feel capable of being among them; in fact, I feel like I'm suffocating, like they don't really want me, and it hurts because it's like falling into the same place again. It's the same with this girl, just like with my sister, who was only with me out of sheer guilt for everything she did to me in the past, and who, after having the chance, simply ran away. I feel like I'm relating to her the way I am only so that, the moment she leaves, I won't have any excuse to say anything behind her back. I feel hypocritical, without friends, without affection, and I can't find anyone who can help me in any way. I feel like nobody really takes the world of relationships seriously and acts according to its workings, with caution, but instead they're looking for a completely idealized, unrealistic world. My ex-therapist lives in her own world, absolutely not. The last time I was with her, I went my own way and she went hers, instead of working as a team. What a failure I am as a person. I'm looking for support, help with my life, and for support, a team is essential. However, she doesn't seem to understand that, even though she should, especially since she's a professor at a leading academic institution.

I feel like disappearing. I feel like I'm just a suck-up to the bosses, doing it for the benefit of the other employees, who, in reality, are more like people who crush me in some way, who are jealous of what I've achieved through my honest effort. I feel like none of them can admit they're not earning their living the right way. I don't feel loved, embraced, or even like I'm attractive to women. I haven't had sex in my entire life, not even a girlfriend, and I feel like I'm missing out. For God's sake, I just want a normal life like everyone else. Is that so hard? I want to sleep with a woman, not so much with a man because it's not my thing, and explore her body and have her explore mine, like many people do. I don't want to deviate from the norm, not at all.

I confess that I feel scared by all the new things I'm experiencing, things that are beneficial, wonderful, and pleasant. It's like feeling like the new boss of the place, but it's not easy to leave behind that painful past I came from. I feel like I'm doing well, really well, but seeing that I've achieved this is hard to believe. Indeed, I return to that past in my feelings, but that already shows that I'm leaving it behind, that I have a new life. I needed to express these words. I feel like I sometimes come across as very harsh, of course, I've acted alone, on my own, and therefore I've taken the plunge along with all my fears. Now, I'm seeing them because I no longer use them.

I know it's contradictory to everything I've said before, but I already feel better, more content, more comfortable. I feel like I'm in control now, and that's comforting. The situation with the girl is beneficial; she's like my sister, because there are already reasons for her to get closer, reasons that They are a reason for it, and at the same time, they seem to please her. I feel her becoming more and more open to me, and that pleases me. I confess that before, I spoke in a somewhat different and even seemingly technical language; however, it helps me to use those phrases responsibly in everyday language. I feel comfortable speaking in this way. I feel that I can't tell everyone this. My path has consisted precisely of handling words with prudence, since I know where they come from, and therefore I can now express the facts of what happens to me in a way that others can understand, or at least get an idea of, as happens with everything we share, if we think about it. I feel I have a good therapist; however, I feel we're at odds because I was focused on talking things through completely, while she preferred to act based on specific elements. But this friction is what allows me to see how she works and thus take advantage of her approach. This, in turn, leads me to attend her sessions conscientiously. I won't give her the power to decide whether or not I see her, because I can't entrust any part of my life to anyone.

At least in our work, they are respectful and congruent, to the extent that they can be. Sometimes, I observe that they don't know how to position themselves and get stuck, but that's natural given how cautiously we've always developed our approach; it's not something that's common for them—in fact, it's quite exceptional. I feel like I'm doing well, emerging from a shell, thankfully, where I only saw my past, which I now understand through my own expressions and interpretations. This shell gave me a huge scare; I thought everything was lost and that all my work had been a complete failure. I did all this without a therapist, not because I wanted to—I wish it had been that way—but the person I sought for support became an obstacle to the opposite, in fact, to returning to my old life. Things got to the point where they're no longer even part of my life, precisely because of their overbearing nature. I had to take control of my life and not put it in the hands of an irresponsible person again.

i’m a high school senior and i’m dating a guy younger than me. he’s had one other girlfriend and people have told me they hooked up but we’ve never talked about it. ive had other boyfriends but i never had sex with them, though i have been assaulted outside of a relationship. i alluded to this when he asked if i was a virgin - prior to this event happening. we were talking for around two months and basically dating already when he was over at my house for the second time. we were watching a movie and making out, it was going fine. we had kissed before but not much more than that. he whispered in my ear “would it be so bad?” and i didn’t know what to say. i asked him what he meant but i knew, i told him it was too soon and gave the excuse that he’s too young (im a year and a half older). he told me no one would know and said he was consenting, but i just told him i didn’t know if it was a good idea. his hands made it into my pants and i asked if he was a virgin but then he paused and made an odd face before shaking his head. i went back to watching the movie but he asked a few more times. i just went silent because i didn’t know what to do. i kissed him and turned back around, the first time he came to my house he did the same thing to the point i took him home because i was upset. when he asked if the kiss meant a yes i didn’t say anything but then he pulled my pants down. i didn’t say anything because i just froze up and my heart was racing and i was scared but idk. he put it in and asked if it hurt and i didn’t respond even though it did. at one point i must have been so freaked out that he got scared too and pulled out, i think i was reliving something but this was a while ago. i felt a lot of emotions but i couldn’t or wouldn’t i guess say anything. i forgot what happened but he went to the bathroom and came back and i felt very conflicted. he noticed something was up and kept asking me what was wrong until i hugged him because i didn’t know what was wrong. i drove him home but after dropping him off i cried all the way home and sat in my driveway. i thought a lot about it for the next few days and i felt extremely conflicted, i cant even put a name to the emotions i was feeling. i told my best friend a week later thinking it would be fun gossip or something but i also felt like i needed to tell someone and she was disgusted. i started crying and she told me that it wasn’t okay but i wasn’t mad at him. he’s been through a lot so i feel very bad for him sometimes and he’s younger so he doesn’t know a lot and i couldn’t bring myself to agree with her about him assaulting me. the next few times he was over he kept asking and i said no, i texted him about a month later explaining how i was assaulted and i didn’t like that he was pressuring me when i already said no. he apologized a lot and it hasn’t happened since. we’ve been officially dating a couple months now and we’ve hooked up more, but i kind of feel like it hasn’t happened again because i haven’t said no again. i’ve talked to a few more of my friends about it and they all look sad and tell me it’s not okay. i just love him a lot and he’s very very sweet to me so it just doesn’t feel like assault. i don’t feel any kind of way about it right now but a while ago my best friend brought it up again and i had a meltdown so maybe im just blocking it out. she hates him and refuses to be around him over this. i haven’t considered breaking up with him over it and i haven’t voiced any of this to him, i just wanted to see what people thought.

So about a month ago my friend that I've know for about a year called me and wanted to hang out. I've been talking too this girl for a little over 3 months we've went out had sex all that.... well when my friend came over I had just gotten a shower and I was wearing my black plush pajama pants and my Grey plush robe super soft clothes just because I like being comfy after a shower and a long day. When he came over he immediately brought up the girl he said "so I heard you started talking too a girl" I replied back "yea things are going pretty good im starting to like her" and he said "well you do know i been talking to her too" and I immediately felt bad I could tell he was angry. So I said "sorry bro how can I fix this" and he looked at me and he looked at my robe and said "go take this off and put on your "soft" jacket" which I found kinda strange but I didnt question it i walked in my room and put on my grey fleece Columbia jacket. When I walked back in the living room I said "well alright now what" he stood up and his eyes were locked on my plush covered crotch (I had no underwear on) and then he said "spread your legs" I immediately was shocked and confused I said " for what?" He said "you asked how you could fix this" and I said " yea but why did I have to put on a jacket and spread my legs" "he said youll see" well I spread my legs just a little and when I did he came closer and drove his knee right into my balls. I imm fell to my knees and said "wtf with a slight moan" he stood me back up and did the same thing 3 times while I was on my knees the 3rd time he comes up behind me and gets grabs my balls from the back and starts squeezing i remember feeling the fuzzy pants tighten around my thighs he said something in my ear but I was in too much pain to understand him after squeezing my balls for 30 secs or more he finally let's go. Thats when I see him walk over to the corner and grab my wooden bat. He makes me stand up again and he said "spread your legs" I spread my shaking legs and he put the bat between my legs and grabs the front and back of the bat and yanks it up into my crotch I immediately went limp holding the bat too try and release some of the pressure. Thats when he says " next time you fuck one of my girls just know I always know and I always got a retaliation you can still fuck her but good luck getting hard with these sore fuzzy balls" and after he said that he yanked the bat up super hard just too get one more blow in and I immediately fall too my knees holding my balls while he walked out.

Hello!!!

I wanna share something which is disturbing my inner peace and lowering my confidence to wear makeup. Let me start, so currently I'm 28 years old and I have never done makeup in my entire life, well I do my skin care regularly but not makeup. All my girlie friends do their makeup and they look extra beauty, they also suggested me to give it a try. After thinking about it for so long I finally decided to give it a try and bought some good basic makeup products. So here's the thing I don't have female in my house it's only me, my elder brother and my fiancé. I have watched tones of makeup tutorial before actually trying it. The very first day when I did a lil makeup I asked my brother and my man, How do I look ? Instead of giving me honest review they laughed at me, saying 'what is this shit on your face' 'you look idiot' and even that man I love told me that he is angry that I'm doing makeup. I felt broke and I cried. Now I don't know should I have asked my girl friends instead of them or just stop doing it. But I wanna be myself, I just want to do it. I really loved it when I did my makeup for the very first time.

Please help me and suggest me what should I do now.

I have lost one of my parent in early years. Stayed at relatives house for over 20 years. Faced a lot of trauma and when tried to make a gf outside of this world I got a heartbreak. At the age of 24 I feel life has no worth and I need support to live

you open yourself up to people and feel doomed for failure.

you've played this tune before.

you've been here before.

but now it's through a screen, now you can't reach them.

its the first time ive allowed myself to make genuine, real online friends. and its great, but i forgot that i make friends with some of the most mentally unstable people on earth. so im dissociated, shaken, petrified because one of our friends just described their dad beating them, then after how they were cutting their own stomach open, playing with their organs, and waiting to bleed out.

and the five minutes they didnt respond felt like hours.

and then they were okay, and didnt do it only because they didnt want us telling their irl friend. then they got mad at me for telling their irl.

they played one of my alltime favorite songs, Army Dreamers by Kate Bush. I saw it on their Discord status, while they were bleeding out. Suddenly I don't like that song anymore.

just last night we also dealt with the owner of the server being sent to a psych ward, then being rejected entry.

i have midterms this week, im dealing with my own fucked up emotions and feelings, and all my friends want to be dead.

i don't easily want to hurt myself, when i do its from extremely bad stress. im gonna see if i can get high tonight on something, anything. im so done with the real world. its not just this, its everything. its politics, its school, its my gender, its anxiety, and its my friends. and still its so much more. everything feels inescapable.

i want to live. im too scared of death for anything drastic. but i wanna find a way where i dont have to think about life so much. a place inbetween.

(This story does mention dark things Just wanted to let everyone know before they read)

Boy or Girl... I don't know anymore?

Let's start from the beggining I have never felt like I have really fit in I moved from California(wont say where) in the 4th grade and in the 6th grade I was suicidal my Step Dad made me apologize to my mom for hurting her by saying I wanted to die. Then I went to the mental hospital twice in the 9th grade but also in the 9th grade. I found something out that changed me forever.

I have always been facinated with boy clothing and hair cuts I have always liked the way they looked and cologne I have always loved cologne. Then I had this feeling in my chest like deep down in my soul that something wasn't right. Then I figurd out I wanted to be a boy not like a tomboy or stuff I wanted to be a man I did so badly. It was really hard coming out to other people I told my sister first she was so understanding which I will be forever greatful for. When I told my mom it was a little diffrent though she was like understanding yeah but it didnt feel right. My step dad tried to understand but in the end when I said I wanted a boy hair cut he yelled at me and stuff and I ran away. But when I said I was nonbinary my mother was so happy she was like I knew you would come around and find out who you really were. Which really hurt because I thought she had expeted me. But then the feeling I thought went away but no it was really always there just waiting for the right time I guess.

There was one person I really admired his name was skylar and he was trans and he was a boy and he was the coolest. He had the coolest hair and the most awesome personality and I wished so badly I could be like him he was so out and happy with himself. I wish I could be that way. I don't want to have the man parts no offense but I want to be a boy if that makes sense.

Sorry this is so long. Also the guy I like if I told him I don't think he would like me if I told him that. Also is it werid that when I get married I stil want to wear a beautiful wedding dress. Also when I was talking to this lady on this christian site she told me I shouldn't be a boy just cause I said I was unsure and she said it could be because of my time of the month I'm feeling this. I litterally have felt this way for a long time she litterally said these exact words "You to help her understand her identity as she is having these questions and thoughts, I ask that You show her why you created her female." Yes I understand that for people in god's eyes I am perfect but I don't now anymore like I said "Boy or Girl... I don't know anymore?"

I'm a lil drunk so work with me, but it's eating at me and some advice would be really nice right now because I feel like I'm so close to screwing this up

I’m feeling worn out by this relationship. Lately, it feels like I’m losing patience and the motivation to keep going each day.

So bascially my day was horrible and I found this website and because the last website I went to when I went through things (okay I may have gone there alot but I thought thats what it was for!) I bascially felt like I was being shamed so I stopped going there. Anyway about my day.

Anyway so first the person I like wasn't at school and I wanted to talk to them because one of my friends decided to share my busisness (tell them I liked them) and there have been some signs that they might like me back. So I just wanted to sort it out. BUT NO!

Then im on a bus and this guy behind me lets call him jerk, Jerk decided to call everybody basically a gay slur but the man is not even gay hes straight. Then my friend who is in a relationship Jerk will not leave them alone. Showing them pictures of the guys family and everytime he waves his stupid hand in my face and kept saying,: get her attention, do it, do it, do it. Like no leave ME ALONE! Gosh then this guy joins in and starts betting her boyfriend to do the nastiest things. By this point I was so done the day was bascially horrible. But I hope everyone else had a great day!