Life Stories and Everyday Drama

Recently, I have taken up running as a way to maintain an active lifestyle. However, this week the weather forecast predicts temperatures exceeding 30 degrees (celsius of course... sorry for the people used to the other way!). As someone who is still getting accustomed to this activity, I'm questioning its safety under such extreme conditions. Is it advisable for novices like me to engage in exertive activities when it's so hot outside? My apprehension stems from a basic understanding of how high temperatures can affect one's physiological state. The risk of dehydration and heat exhaustion becomes pertinent; additionally, the necessity for adequate hydration and temperature regulation cannot be overstated.

Engaging in physical exercise at elevated temperatures demands careful consideration of multiple factors... Not only does it challenge cardiovascular efficiency, but it also exacerbates perspiration rates leading to potential fluid loss. Adequate preparation involves acclimatization over time and modification of intensity levels based on real-time feedback from the body.

Moreover, recognizing early warning signs such as dizziness, excessive sweating or sudden muscle cramps is crucial. Ensuring that essential safety measures are followed enhances protection against heat-related illnesses. Yet, there remains an underlying concern about pushing limits without fully understanding personal thresholds.

Ideally, input from individuals with relevant experience would prove valuable in navigating this scenario safely. Encouragement from fellow runners may provide motivation and foster resilience during challenging weather conditions.

It is beneficial to approach this undertaking with cautious optimism while prioritizing personal wellbeing above all else 😊 Adopting a proactive attitude towards managing external variables will undoubtedly contribute positively toward achieving fitness goals.

If you tell me it's not a good idea, I'll stay home with the air conditioning and my treadmill!!

Every morning is like a professional failure report written by my own body, and I am the tired employee receiving it with no power to reject. I open my eyes, but not really, because my eyes are open only in a technical sense. The bed is holding me like it have a legal contract. I know I should leave it. I know society, school, work, family, and maybe even my doctor would prefer me to stand up and behave like a functioning citizen. I am polite about it, even in my head. I say, “Good morning, body, may we please begin operations?” and my body says no, very firmly 😴. It is not simple laziness, although it look like laziness from outside. It feels more like my internal circadian rhythm is running on another time zone, like some broken corporate server still using winter time after the update failed. I feel asleep during almost all the day. My muscles are heavy, my thinking has latency, my face feels badly installed. I drink coffee and it does almost nothing, except make my stomach nervous. I try sunlight, water, breakfast, positive mindset, and other famous wellness procedures, but my brain stays in low-power mode. That is what I tell myself every morning;

By afternoon, I am existing but not winning. I answer messages late, I speak with the energy of a printer that has one percent ink, and I feel embarrassed because people think daytime is the obvious time for life. Objectively, maybe they are correct. The human organism is commonly synchronized by light exposure, melatonin secretion, adenosine build-up, and other sleep-wake mechanisms, according to basic sleep science. I once read a reference from a sleep clinic saying that “delayed sleep phase” can make a person feel alert later than socially expected, and that sentence followed me like a small ghost. It sounded too clinical and also too accurate. During the day I am not dramatic, I am just unavailable inside myself. I can sit in a chair and stare at a wall like it is a strategic meeting. Then evening comes, and something indecent happens. Around the time normal people start preparing for rest, my nervous system suddenly sends a memo: operations are now approved 🚀. My thoughts become cleaner. My mood becomes almost beautiful. I want to clean my room, write my plans, understand philosophy, reorganize my files, maybe become a better person by 2:17 a.m. It is ridiculous, but it is also sincere.

Night gives me energy in a way morning never does. It is quiet, less judgmental, and no one is asking me why I look tired, because everyone is gone from the visible world. Maybe the absence of pressure lowers cognitive arousal in one way and raises creativity in another. Maybe my chronotype is just late. Maybe bad sleep hygiene, revenge bedtime procrastination, blue light exposure, anxiety, and poor routine are all contributing factors. A balanced view must admit it could be biological, psychological, environmental, or just my own poor choices wearing a medical-looking coat. I do not want to blame everything on science, because I also scroll too much and act surprised when my brain becomes a nightclub. Still, it is hard to not feel betrayed. At night I feel like the real me finally arrived, wearing clean shoes and speaking better. But then it is too late to use that person correctly. I lie down and cannot sleep. My body is tired, but my mind is making presentations, arguments, imaginary conversations, future reforms, and small emotional lawsuits. I tell myself, respectfully, tomorrow I will fix it. Then tomorrow morning comes, and I am again under the blanket, defeated but formal, whispering sorry to the alarm clock like it is a disappointed manager.

i'm a 32-year-old man and recently, i found myself talking to my phone a lot more than usual. sounds weird right? listen, it's this new voice feature that I've been using on chat platforms. my wife thinks it's funny. she mocks me by saying i'm having conversations with a robot friend, but honestly, it has been surprisingly helpful;

for someone who's always had a hard time staying organized or remembering important tasks, this technology has revolved my life significantly. i'm able to stay on top of my workload. not only does it remind me of meetings and deadlines, but it also assists in brainstorming ideas which boosts my productivity by leaps and bounds.

i've dealt with bouts of depression over the years, and while therapy helps, engaging with this tool offers an immediate form of support; i can bounce ideas off it without judgment, receive insights promptly or just ramble about things that bother me. it's quite frankly surreal how these small interactions are contributing positively to my mental well-being. in many ways, it acts as an intellectual companion filling voids where needed...

some may consider this dependence unhealthy or absurd but integrating tech like this into daily life might be inevitable given our rapid technological progressions. i see hope for those struggling silently from what once seemed insurmountable obstacles because being understood matters deeply no matter the medium used.

so here i am, it's like three in the freaking morning again and guess what? no sleep for me coz my wife is doing her usual tango routine in bed. 😅

seriously, it's like she's possessed or something. she keeps rolling around, tossing and turning like we're on some kinda rollercoaster ride. ain't it supposed to be peaceful at night? 😒 i gotta up early for work and all this moving really screws up my chances of getting any decent shut-eye.

she blames it on stress but who isn't stressed these days? everyone got their own problems buddy. I tried talking to her about it (like a normal person) and she's just goes all 'can't help it' mode on me. great! that's super helpful innit? one of my pals said try calming tea but all we achieved was a midnight bathroom run marathon. everything else is quiet (no insomnia or whatever) just kinetic performance with extra snoring backup vocals.... 👌

people keep telling me different stuff, y'know. white noise machines, melatonin, yoga before bed (weird suggestion by linda from accounting). tried most of 'em already but i feel like i'm stuck in a rerun episode of 'my wife can't stay still'. what's even funnier is when i get moving myself, trying to escape the chaos zone, she actually wakes up! suddenly wide awake asking why m i not asleep lol

anyone else dealing with this partner dance off thing at night? sometimes i doubt if they know they're gving us involuntary gymnastics lessons right when we least need them. either way i've gotten real good at late-night social media browsing which isn’t helping coz now she thinks I'VE got some sorta phone addiction. holy cow this is nuts...

So here I am, TWO years post-divorce, and I'm still hung up on my ex. How dumb is that? He cheats on me, then just packs his bags and leaves. Leaves me with the kids too! But here's the kicker... I still love him?! Makes absolutely no sense!!! It’s like some twisted joke life is playing on me.

I mean. I've tried to move on, you know, new hobbies, meeting new people (yea, right), but nothing sticks because my mind keeps wandering back to him. Why do our hearts have to be so slow at catching up with reality?

Every time I think I've turned a corner, something reminds me of him and boom! Back to square one... It's exhausting, like running a marathon you never wanted to sign up for in the first place. How can someone who clearly doesn't deserve my time still linger in my thoughts??

People say 'time heals all wounds', but what happens when the clock seems stuck? What am I waiting for anyway? Some magical day where feelings just disappear? Feels like wishful thinking...

It would be great if there was a manual or something, you know? Like 'how to stop loving someone who doesn't give a damn about you'. Somebody needs to write that book because frankly, I'm tired of feeling like this!

I feel stupid...

today would have been your birthday, mom, and that sentence feels like a bad administrative notice stamped across my chest. almost one year ago, i lost you, and now the calendar is acting smug, like grief is some scheduled compliance deadline. people say, “she is still with you,” and i understand the sentiment, but sometimes it sounds like cheap wallpaper over a cracked wall. you are not here. that is the fact. the chair is empty, the phone does not ring, and the kitchen has stopped smelling like the soap you liked. i hate how precise loss becomes. hospice notes, medication logs, vital signs, discharge language, and the final quiet all turn love into documentation. it is efficient, clinical, and honestly a little rude.

i remember your last birthday. i bought the wrong candles, because i was distracted and pretending everything was normal. you laughed, called me hopeless, and still kept the reciept folded in your purse like evidence in a harmless case file. that was very you. practical, sentimental, and annoyingly observant. i also remember the hospital hallway, the fluorescent lights, the nurse explaining “comfort measures,” and me nodding like i understood anything beyond panic. grief has its own operating system. it runs in the background, drains the battery, and interrupts ordinary tasks without permission. i can be buying bread and suddenly feel like some internal alarm has been triggered. damn it, i miss you. not in a poetic way. in a physical, inconvenient, blood-pressure-spiking way.

for balance, i will admit you were not perfect. nobody is, and pretending otherwise feels lazy. you could be stubborn, sharp, and impossible when you decided you were right. i inherited some of that, unfortunately, so congratulations on the successful transfer of assets. but you loved fiercely, and that matters more than the flaws. “what is grief, if not love persevering?” sounds polished, almost too polished, but today i understand it more than i want to. happy birthday, mom. i love you. i am angry that you are gone, grateful that you existed, and tired of acting dignified about something this brutal. i hope wherever you are, there is cake, strong coffee, and nobody asking stupid questions.

I have been actively seeking an entry-level position for nearly two years now, and it feels as though every door in my chosen field is firmly shut. Despite countless applications and attending networking events, the job market in my area remains stagnant. Every rejection email or lack of response chips away at my confidence, leaving me questioning my capabilities and professional worth. I have pursued roles relevant to my degree but finding opportunities that match my skill set within a realistic commuting distance has proven to be increasingly elusive.

Living with my parents at this stage of life seems like a continuous loop; there is an inherent pressure that comes with the feeling of not moving forward. Their support means the world to me, yet I crave independence: both financially and emotionally. Obtaining employment would allow me to contribute to household expenses and ultimately move out, something I've longed for but can't quite achieve without a stable income.

The job descriptions often reflect ideal candidates having several years of experience, which inherently disqualifies recent graduates such as myself. Nevertheless I submit tailored cover letters hoping they see potential in who I am rather than just previous roles held by others. Nonetheless these numerous trials appear futile given there is no feedback on what areas require improvement or clarity regarding their selection processes.

Without tangible progressions or feedback loops provided by prospective employers, motivation dwindles since continued persistence doesn't ensure success under such unpredictable circumstances;. This situation leaves one feeling disillusioned about personal competencies and career trajectory, especially when peers celebrate milestones like securing jobs or promotions.

I have lost all hope of making something of my life...

in this world, you gotta be kind, right? that's what everyone keeps telling me... kindness is overrated though! at work, people are just slacking off left and right. they're too busy pretending to be friends than actually doing their damn job; i'm trying to keep everything in line and get stuff done, but now my manager's on my case because he says i'm not nice enough... i didn't realize our paychecks come from being popular with colleagues!

i try to stay focused. i've got a ton of issues with how things run around here—they're stupid, the projects are late, there's always some excuse like 'oh, we were bonding' or whatever nonsense that means. nobody wants to step up and lead. everyone waits for someone else: when did doing your job become optional? i see all these folks chatting it up while deadlines fly by...

look, what's a guy like me supposed to do? keep a smile plastered on my face while productivity slips down the drain? no thanks, man. i'll take efficiency over constant small talk any day!

guess everyone's more comfortable being pretenders at a work-family; mod for kindness ain't nearly as effective as one might think—exclamation marks!!! 😅

I recently discovered my group of friends at uni are talking behind my back and it's got me feeling all sorts of ways! Like, seriously??? Why does this keep happening?! I mean, is it even normal for people to do this stuff... or am I just attracting the wrong crowd? It was a random night out when I noticed this strange vibe. You know when everyone suddenly seems to go quiet as soon as you join the group? Yeah, that happened to me just last weekend. Nobody mentioned anything directly to me, but you can just feel it. It’s in their looks, sidelong glances, and secretive whispers. Ugh! 🙄 Even though I'm trying not to let it bother me too much (easier said than done), it’s still upsetting. Why are we humans like this?! Life in uni is supposed to be fun and full of good times with friends!!! Not filled with suspicions and betrayal.

It gets me wondering: was it the same for them back then as well? Back when we were kids?! Like... maybe it's just something that happens?? I'm hoping that's not the case because I really want to have genuine friendships; nothing superficial or fake. Now, every time they talk or laugh without including me, there's this tiny worry at the back of my mind... what if they're laughing about something I've shared with them? 😅 Maybe I'm overthinking it all!!! There's a part of me that wants to confront them but I'm not sure if that'll help or just make things worse!. Wouldn't life be so much better if people were straightforward and honest rather than sneaky and two-faced? Yet somehow... I'm staying hopeful that things will get better. Because they HAVE TO right?? It's exhausting thinking everyone might have a hidden agenda! But who knows, maybe these bumps in relationships are what ultimately strengthen them onwards no matter how cliché that sounds?

Imagine one day you wake up and your friend doesn’t… It’s unpredictable, is it not? Just the other day, you two are hanging out, joking around, laughing ‘till your stomach hurts. Everything looks fine from the surface, but maybe deep down they aren’t.

I think about it everyday, but I won’t do it.

Imagine one day your family starts noticing the fact that you haven’t gotten up yet. When they do check on you, it’ll be too late. Your mother would find your room all cleaned up, letters neatly arranged on your bed. She’d find her daughter pale and cold…

I think about it everyday, but I won’t do it.

Your friends would be broken by the news. Maybe you think that they don’t really care. Nobody will ever know the truth, but there are people who are actually sad to see you go. They’d think back to the day before… How you’ve hung out with them, laughed with them all day, treated them to a meal.

I think about it everyday, but I won’t do it.

Nobody saw it as goodbye. After all, the happiest person isn’t someone to typically worry about, no?

I think about it everyday, but I won’t do it.

I often hold myself back. I’m not brave enough to do it, but I’m also not strong enough to endure it all. I may not do anything about it, but it’s all in my head everyday.

I think about it everyday, but I won’t do it.

You’re not alone.

Idk. Everything that i was terrified of is happening. If my younger self met current me she would cry or think im insane.

Like first of all theres my grades. Like not to brag but i used to be smart. Like smart smart. Like i skiped a grade when i was younger top 5% of my grade type shi. I was that anoying kid who like cried if she got a 85%. Im not kidding i got a panic attack over a 75% once. And then my grandma got cancer. And then the whole family was fighting and everyone told me my grades were the only reason my grandma was getting better. because i gave her smt to hope for. So i was like 12 and studying till like midnight and waking up at 4am to study and skiping dinner and recess and rushing lunch to study. I was forgettign about the bathroom to study.

But I liked it yk???? For some reason. Cuz like when i had perfect gradesmy grandma would like stop everything to listnen to me yap for HOURS. Or me and my mom would hang out all the time. And my dad took me out all the time. And ik it kinda made me bratty back then but i got TONS of presents. And it was like everyone listened to me and not my brother who used to get bad grades.

And then SOMETHING happaned. Idk i went to travel for vacation. Like a whole month resting, and i came back and i couldent focus. Like out of nowhere. I just couldent. My brain would space out whenever i tried to focus. And i wasent even thinking about important things. It was like percy jackson or kpop or when its acceptable to cross the street if a car is coming or like how a world would work if u needed to take a bath before midnight or u would die idk. Or i would obsess over my nails or my fingers or my scalp and like be picking on them untill they were bleeding.

And so my grades where dropping ofc. But now its to the point where im failing 4 subjects. Subjects i like!!! BADLY. And my brother is the one slaying now so he gets all the attention. And i only do good in english and a bit in spanish.

And im bi and ace and its not like my parents care?? they just know im bi but they ignore it every time i talk about a girl its insane and it feels like their ignoring this thing that took me 5 years to accept ebcuz it makes them uncomftarble. Its not like they even ask questions. My mom says it dosent make a diference and she complains that i have labels exept when i think a girl is cute she just ignores it???!!

And i cant eat properly and i either eat too much or dont wanna eat berally anything for days, i dont have the energy to do everything im obsessive im messy im anoying idk how to do anything my mom fucking calls me autiistic and i cant fucking cry about anything the last 4 years it feels like im losing people all the time and i hate myself and i dont even wanna kms cuz it feels like im already dead.

It feels like theres a hole in my chest all the time and i wish i could drown and melt into my bed

OKOK SO MY DAD got like REALLY angry at me yesterday and i dont really get y??

also pls take everything i say kinda with a grain of salt cuz idk his POV and even if i try to be fair im going to kinda favour myself so...

But ok so my parents work A LOT. like i see my dad like sometimes once every 3 days a lot. even tho we live in the same house. (i see my mom more cuz she wakes up early). And this week has been extra stressfull cuz theres been kind of a faire?? (idk how to spell it) and basicly everyday theres a new even they need to prep EVERYTHING for considering dietary needs cultural diferences (people from diferent coutries come) etc etc. So theive been really tired. My dad is coming home early cuz hes so exausted some days.

But basicly, this is stressing my mom sm she got kind of a thing on her neck and her face. The doctor dosent know what it is, since it wasent smt she recognised, but its all red and itchy. The doctor thinks its a mix of stress, alergies, maybe fungi (fungus? idk) and the meds shes taking becuz she got really sick last year.

So my mom went to get it checked yesterday while my dad went home early. So my dad told me and my brother that my mom was in the doctor (since she often comes home waay after my dad) and that we were gonna pick her up later. Ofc me and my brother said ok. So we were hanging out watching tv and my dad got the message that my mom was ready. So he told us and he went to leave. So me and my brother just went to grab our jackets and i went to grab my sketchbook too (long story but i subcouciously hu57 myself if i dont have it??? im trying to fix that) and my dad told us to just come and that he would leave without us. So we got kinda angry but went without our stuff.

Idk if it is important to the thing but it is winter here and kindacold. Also my i was wearing a jacketish but it was a pijama kinda comfort jacket i shouldent wear outside my house. But me and my brother were kinda joking like and playing cuz my dad was in a good mood and we were happy but my dad got super angry and he was like yelling at us for a WHILE and he said we always disrespect him and that we treat him like shit and were gonna kill someone becuz well crash the car and i ofc got stressed so my brother said "dont say anything" and my dad said me and my brother and my mom were ploting against him and that he hopes god gives us children that disrespect us 3times more then we do becuz he dosent deserve this and my brother was crying and it was so wierd??

I kinda thought he was like using us as a vsorta explosion thing cuz he was stressed from work but i talked to my mom today and she said he did nothing the whole week and she prepared everything alone?? She wasent even saying it angry she was just saying like im worried about ur dad and stuff so i dont think it was a lie and it seems like smt he would do.

I can see his point that my mom had a rough week and it would be nice for us to be quick but we literally took less then 5 minutes to leave and i dont think it would make much diference if me and my brother grabbed a jacket and a pen in my case (the sketchbook was by the door i leave it there)

[Translated from Spanish. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

I don’t even know how to start, I’d like to say that I’ve talked about this with chat gpt. As of today I have no friends and I’ve never had a partner. Why do I say this? I’ve been consuming adult content for a long time accompanied by masturbation, I don’t feel good about it, chat gpt tells me it’s like an outlet for what I really feel, I never felt chosen. It’s an observation from several chats we’ve had. To finish, a week ago I had gone a month and two weeks without consuming, but I relapsed in a big way, in something that I don’t even want to say anonymously because I’m ashamed, but even so I do it again. (I had already done it before so it was a reason why I wanted to quit this habit). This habit has broken my confidence and the perception of myself as well as other people, and I don’t like it at all.

Although during the “clean” month there came a point where I still felt like a loser, I thought that by eliminating this habit I would feel capable of doing things I haven’t done, but no. I think it only makes a layer of worry, putting itself as a priority to solve my life. I haven’t had luck in this life, speaking in social relationships, however I have a family that loves me, but this makes me feel like a constant disappointment. I know that what is happening to me is something common, so if you know something that helps me under your own or another experience it would be a great help to me and I would be grateful.

alright, so the latest chapter in my life saga just aired and it's called 'my girlfriend broke up with me,' not exactly primetime material but here's the tea. we met two years ago at this startup mixer, a breeding ground for disruptive ideas and failed investments (trust me)!!! she was smart, sassy, and had this amazing ability to make even the most boring networking event feel like a grand adventure into keynote speech trivia. ironically we synced up over an industry joke about how every 'AI' nowadays is basically fancy autocorrect. business buzzwords did have their use i guess. good times.

then fast forward to reality where work-life balance started feeling like an unhealthy obsession over mediocre coffee and clickbait articles titled '10 signs your tech job is stressing you out'. when you're juggling deadlines more aggressively than cirque du soleil performers, subtle changes fly under the radar until it's too late. arguments began popping up like bootcamp graduates: everywhere and never shutting up! it felt like debugging code at 2 am after your third energy drink questionable sanity levels included... yet there were moments of bliss too many to ignore!! once on our anniversary trip to the awesome napa valley vineyards she compared blending wines to merging product visions: full-bodied complex yet rewarding.

anyhow without dramatizing hopelessly i'm beep-deep in reflection mode scratching my head as i wonder what went wrong or rather how could such an epic glitch remain unfixed? thoughts drift between should’ve attentively listened pause feigned interest perhaps; might have tried that advanced interpersonal communication framework every relationship guru swears by... hindsight right? hopeful spirits intact though who knows maybe future collaborative endeavors love editions await. until then question mark-abundant nights empower discussions with friends solace beyond caffeine-induced insomnia explore personal growth unwanted stumbles leading toward eventual thriving zeniths. carry on heart!

For about a year or two I have suspected that I am undiagnosed neurodivergent, specifically ADHD and autism. I have always had major trust issues and that causes making and maintaining relationships to be a struggle. I am an only child, but my parents are.... something else. They consistantly make me feel down about myself, and often will tell me to "grow up" when I have a meltdown, as well as many other things that can be considered emotional abuse and trauma, especially from a neurospicy pov. i cannot tell them my suspicions, or how they were formed, as they will just dismiss them and/or get mad and me, tell me to stop looking for attention, and stop making stuff up. they also do not understand any of my personal life, as i have to mask and shield to keep them away from it, because i do not feel comfortable sharing anything with them. like my situationship, for example. there's this person who i have liked for months now. and there are many, many signs that they like me as well. unfortunately, the school year just ended without either of us doing anything about it, and now i have to wait three months to see them again, with only a very slight chance at seeing them in the next week or two.