Life Stories and Everyday Drama

DISCLAIMER: THESE ARE OPINIONS THAT ARE HEAVILY CONTRAVERSIAL, AND IF YOU ARE CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC, I AM NOT SHAMING YOU IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM.

religion is bullshit to me. it is just propaganda that men use to control women/slaves. for example, when the triangular trade was happening(slave trade) captains often recited the bible to the point that they made the slaves believe that if they disobeyed their master, they disobeyed god. it is a sick use of beliefs. also, the bible also have concerning and barbaric stories. why the fuck was it allowed that women are objects of rape.

the priests and people i know say they are Christian but their actions contradict them daily. not reading bibles, cursing, swearing on god's name, you know. furthermore, priests only visit the good parts of the bible, conveniently not looking at the bad parts.

another thing, in the bible, how the fuck did Adam and Eve make everyone. 1, that's heavy incest. 2, there are such a large gene pool, it is impossible to come from 2 people. back to the first point, incest is proven that is doesn't work because the Habsburg dynasty proved to be a horrible set. they had been inbreeding for 200 years, and all suffered intellectual and physical disabilitie-btw the Habsburg dynasty is super fascinating to me.

ALSO!! Evolution. i can prove evolution off of many things, but let me start here. humans have tailbones for a reason. THERE USED TO BE A TAIL. BECAYSE WE EVOLVED FROM APES. not because a pair of people magically spawned.

thanks for reading. just to reiterate, i have nothing against christians, love yall so much, but it just doesnt make sense to me, and i needed somewhere to not be immediately judged w/o hearing me out. LOVE YALLLL!!

-Cara

This isn't related to mental health but dose anyone suffer with knee pain and find it gets worse in the cold weather but in hot weather it also seems to get worse or is it just me.

And that you cand go for a period of time without expirencing pain this could be weeks or months.

I also don't have a definite course for my knee pain yet as I had a MRI done one nothing come back on it that it good but it has left me with more questions of why and I having pain in my knees but side note the pain mainly affects my right knee and I get the pain on other side of the knee cap behind and the knee

and to my knowledge I haven't injured it.

I'm and also waiting on a referal for physio for my knees . to hopefully strengthen my right knee as that knee is unstable at times.

Numbness...I feel yet I can't feel, it's like everything is eating away at me and I can only watch as it happens...my body cannot muster up the energy to try to stop it from happening, stop the thoughts from filling my head with lies, stop the tears pooling in my eyes, stop my heart from racing almost as though I've run a marathon...old reminders and ideas keep cycling back, telling me it's time or convincing me to go back...back to the darkness, back to the pain, back to the emptiness, and as each minute passes I realise I'm starting to believe those thoughts telling me I'm the problem....telling me I am nothing but a toxic gas, and that scares me, because I once felt like this...when the darkness practically consumed me...its a nostalgic feeling I wish did not exist, yet it does.

I feel yet I can't feel, and that's what's killing me.

I've been down for a bit but who are you even supposed to talk to about this, don't wanna be sent to a mental hospital. I'm not really sad, just dull about everything so planning my suicide doesn't feel like this sad thing anymore. I now know a way to kill myself. I had a good sleep, first time in a while. I wish I wasn't mentally ill tho. I've accepted that I've been feeling dull at least. I don't really care if I die, I wish I could. I don't know how people look at this long and terrible life and wanna live and do things, I don't wanna do anything. I don't even feel anything for my accomplishments, my diploma is just on the floor and something about college. My parents don't make this easier, they're bad people. I'd most likely still be depressed even if I move away or complete whatever goal. I've been learning a new language and still workout/dance, weighing 116 so at least I've been slowly completing appearance goals. Guess that's it for now.

Thanks for reading and I hope you have a good day.

as of lately ive wanted to just have something horrible happen to me for some sort of validation. im kinda in the middle ground between normal and weird-- i feel too negative to have a normal mindset but im not negative enough to be worried about. i can easily ignore whatever issues i have if i distract myself. do i sound attention seeking if i wish for bad situations to occur to me daily?

been talking to someone for a couple months we both expressed we like each other but agreed to not date for the time being bc of outside things which isn’t the main issue just to give some context. We both like this artist and they suggested we meet up before or after said artists concert since one of the venues is near both of us. I really want to go but i’m also very hesitant I have ptsd and anxiety from stuff when i was younger/teenager and it heavily contributes to social situations and I’m not the best talker I tend to shut down and just listen to people unless I find something(if anything) to say. I also don’t want to embarrass them bc they’re bringing their friends along. Idk I need some help.

I struggle a lot with connection. I cant tell if people actually like me or are just pretending so I always assume a social suituation is going badly. Then I can avoid being surprised if it goes downhill.

I want freinds where everyone is comfortable with casual touches, leaning against each other, hugs, shoulder pats. But I dont know how to initiate that, most of my family are extremely touch and emotionally adverse. And while my dad is more affectionate he often doesnt register boundaries or other people's emotions.

Mum once told me that with the way she raised me I was either going to end up completely desperate for touch or completely touch adverse. She said she was happy that I was touch adverse like her... I probably should have corrected her.

Im stuck in a cycle of craving platonic intimacy but not being able to achieve it. The brief touches I get never feel like enough but I dont feel safe asking up front.

I know that a romantic relationship would probably solve my problem but I wouldn't feel comfortable in a relationship at the moment. Theres been several times ive met guys who at 1st seem like they could be freinds but then they get too handsy and ignore boundaries I put up. Recently I had to leave a freinds party because a guy kept following me round and grabbing me by the wrist when I'd told him no. My skin felt like it was burning for hours after.

Touch can so quickly go from being amazing to being horrific as soon as I think the other person wont listen if I told them no.

Everything else in my life is great, im working towards my dream job, and ive definetly improved over the last few years. Its just such a constant want.

Current plan is to get a pet as soon as I can reasonably provide for one. It wont be exactly what I need but it'll hopefully help in some way.

Hug your freinds a bit closer today please.

i love my boyfriend and that is kind of the problem, because it makes everything else more confusing than it should be. he is good to me in most normal ways. he answers my texts, he remembers small stuff, he helps me when i am stressed, and he is not some awful guy i am trying to escape from. so when i say i am not sexually satisfied, it sounds mean, like i am reducing him to one thing, but i am not trying to do that. it is just there, sitting in the room with us, even when we are eating dinner or watching tv. i do not feel wanted in the way i thought i would feel in a relationship. he says he loves me, and i believe him, but his body and his effort do not really show it much. sometimes it feels like he wants the comfort of having me around more than he wants me as a person with needs. maybe that is dramatic, maybe it is not. i have tried bringing it up without making it sound like an attack, but every time it gets weird. he gets quiet or says he is tired or says relationships are not supposed to be all about that. and sure, they are not. i agree with that. but are they supposed to have almost no passion either. am i wrong for thinking this matters. i keep asking myself that because i know people have real problems and this can sound shallow. but when you are the one laying there feeling unwanted, it does not feel shallow, it feels lonely in a very specific way.

the bad part is i do not want to leave him over this, but i also do not want to spend years pretending i am fine. i catch myself avoiding the topic now because i already know how the talk will go. he will act like i am putting pressure on him, i will feel guilty, and then nothing changes. that is the pattern. i do not even know if the issue is attraction, stress, laziness, mismatch, or just us being wrong in that one area. it is not like i need some perfect movie thing. i just want to feel like there is some desire and some care and not like i am asking for a favor. i have started feeling embarrassed for wanting more, which is probably not a good sign. i also feel bad because he is not cruel, and i know if i told people they would say to communicate, but i did, or i tried. communication is not magic when the other person hears it but does not really do anything. i guess i am writing this because i need to see it outside my head. i love him, but love is not filling the part that feels empty. maybe that makes me selfish, or maybe it just makes me honest. i do not know what the reasonable answer is here. do you stay with someone who is kind and safe but makes you feel unwanted in bed, or is that just slowly turning yourself into a bitter person. i am scared that if i stay, i will resent him. i am scared that if i go, i will regret leaving someone good for something people tell me is not everything. both things sound true, and that is what is making me feel stuck.

I was born male and began to transition in 2022, my partner who was also transitioning at the time began to help me after I moved in with them, (hormones and such) but a bit after I started they started to have trouble dealing with the ways I was changing (my body, mind all that good stuff) and we ended up taking a break for a bit.

We came back together but I started to forget about taking my pills and eventually I might has well have detransitioned, I tried to talk to them at one point about thinking about it again (just thinking not even planning on anything) and that came with being told that they dont like women.

My partner never told me to stop taking my pills maybe I just did it myself because of the problems it caused. They stopped theyre transition too but now im left not knowing who I am, I have horrible anxiety and depression, compulsively pick and pull my hair, I get impulsive thoughts im embarrassed to talk about, I just feel messed up.

This is a question to ally fellow adhders

about adhd burnout.

in social situations do you find the you fake a smile in conversations and push yourself to seem "Normal " or is it just me that does this when I'm exspirenceing Adhd bournoit?

I'm a teen and I've been friend with this guys for around 3 or 4 years. He has autism spectrum and struggles with friendships and relationships. When I first met him he was really in a bad mental situation, he wanted to die and kept SH himself. In that period that I think lasted around a year or two he always texted me and I was there to help and in the end I managed to make him stop. He got better until one day a friend of ours decided to spread humors he was manipulative and a bunch of other lies, that was I think around a year ago. I was always there to help him but for some months now he started smoking every day and drinking (he's still a minor), he also started SH a bit again, not as bad as before but it's still something I'd rather he not do.

I keep trying to help me but it's always this loop of me asking him to try to stop, him promising but restarting immediately after.

Today he fought with another friend and he immediately texted me. They fought because he's intense as a person, such as physical touch and he's really blunt and brutally honest. I told him to apologize to her and to actually try to 'fix' that side of him with her because nobody shows 100% of their personality. He keeps being defensive and acting like what I'm saying to him is something impossible for him.

In the end I told him that I'm not his psychologist and that I can't do more if he doesn't even try.

I admit my answer was maybe harsh but really I was getting irritated and annoyed at him and I really held myself back from swearing at him.

For context: he has a very good family that supports him and he also has a psychologist.

I don’t even know how to explain this without sounding dramatic, but I feel invisible in my own marriage alot. My husband spends his days at work, which I understand because bills are real and life is expensive. But then he comes home, eats, turns on Netflix, and it’s like I’m just furniture in the room. I’ll ask how his day was, and he gives me a “fine” without looking up.

At night, I sit next to him on the couch while he watches episode after episode, and I’m just waiting for him to notice me. It sounds so pathetic typing that, but it’s true. I definately miss when we used to laugh over dumb things and tell each other random stories. Now I woud have to pause the TV myself just to get a full sentence from him, and even then it feels forced.

Weekends are somehow worse. He goes to the bar with his friends, and I’m not even mad that he has friends. I think people need their own space. But every weekend? It feels wierd being married and still feeling single. I make dinner for one, clean teh kitchen, and pretend I’m fine. Sometimes I’ll get a late text like, “Heading home soon,” and that’s basically all I recieve from him.

I’ve started wondering, why does my husband ignore me? Is he tired, stressed, bored, or just too comfortable? Has anyone else been through this and not totally lost their mind? I dont want to attack him, because I know he isn’t a bad person. He still pays attention in little moments, like when he remembered my favorite cereal last week. That sounds small, but it gave me hope 🙂.

I think I should of spoken up sooner, instead of swallowing everything and acting chill. Tonight I’m going to tell him I miss him, not in a screaming way, just honestly. It feels embarassing needing to ask your own husband for attention, but I still believe we can fix this. Maybe he doesn’t realize how lonely I’ve been. Maybe this is just a bad season, not the whole story.

So like, my family is super religious, not just “we go church on Sunday” religious, I mean the kind where every little thing gets talked about like it got a Bible verse stapled to it or whatever. We pray before food, before trips, when someone coughs too hard, all that. And I’m not saying that’s bad, because for them it helps them feel safe and like life got rules and meaning. But then I found out I’m bisexual, or I guess I finally admitted it to myself, and now my brain is doing the dumb washing machine thing, spinning and spinning and not even washing nothing. I like guys, and I like girls too, and maybe that is just how I am, but then I hear my mom talking about “sins of the world” and my dad saying stuff about “people getting confused nowadays,” and I just sit there like... haha yeah totally, not me at all 🙂. It feels weird because I still believe in God, or at least I think I do, but I also don’t feel like I picked this like picking pizza toppings. It just kinda showed up and I noticed it. But if it is a sin, then what am I supposed to do, just pretend forever?? Like, some people say being bisexual itself is not a sin, only certain actions are, and some people say it is all wrong, and other people say love is love and God knows your heart. So objective-wise, there is not one answer everybody agrees on, which is honestly annoying because I wanted one clean answer, like yes or no, not a whole debate club in my head at 2 a.m.!!!

I haven’t told my family because that would probably turn the house into a courtroom, and I would be the criminal and also the lawyer and also the chair somehow. My cousin once said gay people just need “guidance” and everyone nodded, so yeah, not exactly the warmest place to drop “hey I’m bi btw.” But I also don’t wanna hate them, because they was raised like that too, and maybe they honestly think they are protecting me. At the same time, it still hurts, because protecting someone should not feel like locking them in a box and calling it love. I keep asking myself, is being bisexual a sin, or is hiding and lying about my whole brain and heart the thing that messes me up more?? I don’t know. I’m not trying to attack religion, and I’m not trying to act like every religious person is mean, because I know some who are kind and chill and don’t make people feel gross. But I’m also not gonna say it is easy when your own house feels like one wrong sentence and boom, everything changes. Maybe the answer depends on what someone believes, what church they follow, and how they read stuff. Maybe I need to talk to a pastor who is not gonna yell, or a friend, or just breathe for once. Idk. Has anyone else been stuck between loving their family, loving God, and also not wanting to hate themselves???

I’m a female at birth.

I hate that I have to associate my whole life with this body. I feel wrong all the time. I don’t feel like seeing myself in the mirrors and the pictures. Cutting my hair short (not short as a boy, because I’m not allowed to) and dressing like a boy help me get through it, partly, because I still don’t like my appearance.

I had an ex - stupidest decision EVER - that was when I chose to be FEMININE. I thought to myself, “maybe I won’t be judged anymore for looking NORMAL. I’m dating like everyone else”, I kept comparing and comparing. The relationship didn’t work out. I’m back to be like this because it helps me feel better for some times.

My friends kept old pictures of me with long hair and kept praising that I was “prettier” in the past. They kept telling me to get my hair long again, knowing I had a talk with them about how I would love to be a boy and that I hate my body. They didn’t understand. They just love secretly talk this talk that to satisfy their curiosity without any deep understanding. Those ‘praises’ seem like an insult to my face.

I didn’t bother telling them what to do with their life, but they did to me instead. 99% of my friends all act like this. I wonder why (I don’t even tell them about changing pronouns because I know I’m still not passing and they won’t undestand it anyways. It shows)

I can’t even look at my selfies and reflection in public normally. I would be grossed out and try to avoid them as much as I could. I think it has something to do with how “ugly” I think I am. My teeth is impaired. My hair is just dry and curly and they lie flat on my square head because I’m not allowed to cut my hair any shorter. But in the end, how I have to live in this body knowing everything I do in life, this body is involved - from work, love, to family, is what scares me the most.

What’s ironically funny is that, I’m mostly interested in boys, so I’ll likely accept to live in this body because most of the boys are straight. They may distract myself from how I hate myself so darn much, but maybe this is not the way. I don’t know, like, in the end, this is my life. Don’t live for somebody else’s approval.

I’m scared to fall in love again because my mind is a mess. Everyday, “what am I?” “I want to choose me” these thoughts keep popping up in my head.

For someone who is reading, I want to wish you all the best. Maybe don’t be too harsh on yourself? Eat good food. Read good book. Travel. Learn more about the world. I’m living in the big bubble and it scares me every single day.

i am not gonna lie, my husband says i am negative about everything, like every tiny thing got a cloud over it when i talk. he says i can turn a normal breakfast into a sad little meeting, and honestly he mays be right here. this morning the toast burned and i said “of course, even bread got attitude now” and he just looked at me tired. i laughed but also i kinda hated that he noticed. i don’t wake up planning to be like this 😐

it’s just like, i go outside and someone is yelling on the phone, then the bus is late, then i see someone crying near a shop, then i come home and the news is all bad stuff and people doing weird cruel things. how could anyone be positive after that? maybe some people got a magic brain that sees flowers and cute clouds, but mine sees bills, bad weather, and the sink full of dishes. i know that sound dramatic but it is what my head do;

my husband is not some evil guy either, to be fair. he makes jokes, he tries to cheer me up, he says “babe, not everything is the end of the world,” and i get it. but sometimes it feels like he is asking me to pretend the world is not messy. maybe he is not saying ignore stuff, maybe he is saying stop dragging it into every minute. i don’t know. i guess both can be true, like the world can suck and also i can be annoying about saying it every five seconds 😭

yesterday we went for a walk and i started complaining about the trash on the sidewalk, the loud cars, some guy staring, the price of snacks, just everything. then a kid ran past with a dog and the dog was doing that dumb happy jump thing. i almost smiled but then i said “watch it step in glass” because yeah, my mouth just does that. my husband said nothing, just held my hand, and that made me feel worse somehow. do you ever catch yourself being the bad weather in the room?

i think maybe stopping being negative is not like becoming fake happy. i don’t wanna be one of those people who says “good vibes only” while everything is clearly burning in small normal ways. maybe i just need to pause before talking, ask myself if this thought needs to be said out loud, or if i can keep it in my dumb little brain jar. maybe say one okay thing for every bad thing, not as punishment, just balance. i tried today and said the coffee was decent. small win i guess 🙂