Life Stories and Everyday Drama

I am surrounded. I see the faces and hear the screams of days long over. I wake up screaming. I hold conversations with others, who carry on such interactions, whilst phantoms of past evils dance before my eyes.

How can I ever tell anyone??? I have tried. I am trying still. I am so afraid. So much violence and death. So much pain, so much pure, unfiltered filth and depravity takes up my childhood. I wear the scars on my face and on my body like little music notes, each one playing the rhythm of my anguish. I try to control the anger. I try to control the fear. And, despite everything, I've made small victories. But they are fleeting. I can't do it alone... but idk if I can do it at all.

I try to tell myself; forgive yourself. You were a boy. You did not choose then, but you must choose now- will you drown, or will you swim? But I don't know the difference. Every time I find footing, I slide down. I've wounded some who've tried only to bring me comfort. I've wounded myself. Inside there is another me, one who failed the tests of abuse, one who is pure Wrath and Vengeance and only the darkest parts of me. He hates everything. He hates me. I, for my part, am so afraid. I shake. I cannot breathe. When I finally try to get help, the Other comes- doubting, damning. Cursing. He tells me- I tell me- that I am weak. That I must be a Man, that I must take Vengeance upon my own blood for the unforgivable evil they have perpetrated. But I can't. All the hurt spills over me... and no matter how truly angry, even if justified, I become.. I can't do it. Where part of me wants to burn everything, where part of me wishes to inflict my pain on those who caused it, I find I do not have the stomach to become that guy. Perhaps that's all that separates me from them.. likely more than that. I know I have a heart it's just broken. I am broken. 26 years old.. I've lived 60, in every other way. What do I do? Will I never beat this??? God help me, God answer me.

life keeps getting worse every day, my wife doesn't even notice how depressed and lonely i am in our marriage. it's ridiculous really. she goes to bed super late, scrolling through her phone like there's nothing better to do. tik tok videos, endless feeds of pointless content. yeah, and then she leaves the bed late too. when she's finally around, she's glued to that screen again! completely checked out from reality. never seems to have time for us or me anymore 🤦‍♂️

what's even the point? i've tried talking but it falls on deaf ears. no changes... just same old story every single day 😤 it's exhausting pretending everything's fine when everything is A MESS🤬 i'm stuck in a room with an emotionally absent ghost who's more interested in a digital world than with our lives 🤷‍♂️ i mean seriously? how did we end up here? used to be close, feel cared about.

now I wonder if she's even listening or cares at all?? everything I try seems useless🙄 i need connection... someone who actually pays attention to what’s happening right in front of them rather being lost in another dimension...

so, i'm 24 now and this year was a bit different for me. i always found birthday wishes kinda overwhelming. so every year my mum used to help me reply to all the family members who send their good thoughts (she's super organized with it). but since moving out last year, it's something i have to manage on my own.

being autistic makes social interactions tough sometimes (it's like trying to follow too many conversations at once). when people send birthday messages, especially those long heartfelt ones, i just don't know how to respond without sounding awkward or ungrateful. it's funny though because these are all people i've known my whole life (you'd think that would make it easier). they've been sending nice wishes since forever!

i tried writing back individually this time. i'm keeping it simple and genuine but every message feels like a huge task. some replies seemed off (or maybe that's just in my head)? anyways, i'm hoping they appreciate the effort even if it's not perfect. communication takes practice i guess.

I’ve got a full life ,good friends, a job I actually like, and way too many houseplants ,but I’m ready to share it with someone special. I miss having a boyfriend: the good morning texts, spontaneous weekend plans, deep talks at 2am, and someone to split desserts with.

I’m affectionate, a little sarcastic, and I love deep conversations as much as silly ones. If you’re kind, funny, emotionally available, and actually interested in building something real… please kindly leave a comment under my story so we can move things up and let’s see what happens.

Bonus points if you’re a dog person, can make me laugh until my stomach hurts, and don’t mind me stealing your hoodies.

Let’s skip the games and go straight to the good part.😭🌸

Today I went to the pharmacy to pick up some antihistamines, and the pharmacist asked if I was feeling better (I’d been unwell for months, mainly because of my shitty family). I wanted to scream: "Yes, for fuck's sake, I *am* better—I haven't spoken a word to my shitty parents in over a month, so you bet I'm better." I left the bag in the car and went to the supermarket; when I got back, I found my mother and sister rummaging through it. "What are these?" they asked, pointing to the antihistamines. For fuck's sake—I get that you’re illiterate and barely finished fifth grade, but "AERIUS ANTIHISTAMINE" is written in huge letters. Are you serious? Unfortunately for me, pharmacies don't sell drugs yet.

I don't know... what a shitty life this is.

25 years old and I haven't done a damn thing with my life.

25 years old and I’m not even free to go out alone to the supermarket ten minutes away.

25 years old and I spend my days in bed with headphones on, blasting music loud enough to shatter my eardrums just to drown out my thoughts.

What’s the point of bringing kids into the world and then raising them like shit?

And as if that weren't enough, they bully us for the state we're in and compare us to other people's kids.

Other people's kids don't have shitty parents.

Other people's kids are free.

Other people's kids didn't grow up forbidden from even stepping outside the front door to play with other children.

The kids my mother envies so much didn't have shitty parents.

What is the point of my life?

There is no point.

The only reason I haven't ended it all yet is the music I listen to otherwise, I’d miss out on new releases from the artists I follow.

And even if I did end it, my family wouldn't think about *me* first; they’d worry about what people would think.

so I’m a 21-year-old guy playing hockey, right? all my teammates are rocking these perfect bodies with visible abs, and there’s me: a little bit on the heavier side. maybe it's not super obvious just how much this messes with my head, but every time I'm in the locker room, I feel uncomfortable like everyone's judging me. it doesn’t help when pictures go up online and friends or family see them... like ugh... just knowing they’re probably noticing i'm not as “fit” as everyone else.

cut to last weekend. we were having team practice, and coach decided to take some photos... great. I definitely felt those eyes on me, even if nobody said anything directly at that moment. then there's all this social media stuff where people keep highlighting others’ achievements or their latest workouts; it feels suffocating! “why haven’t I done as much?” “shouldn't i be trying different dieting stuff?” It keeps dragging down my self-esteem unnecessarily.

look i know what you're thinking: maybe it's about getting healthier in general rather than focusing solely on looks... but tell that to my brain when everyone else around is pretty body-conscious. if you've read books on mental toughness or confidence-boosting techniques (I tried diving into some of those motivational talks) they're nice and all but don't necessarily change the instant fear everytime someone's camera goes click. anyone resonate?

Thank you so much for having the patience to read this, I would really like to hear your opinion on this situation. I have OCD (not sure if this is important, but just to give you some context) it ruined my high-school life. Somehow I was able to graduate high school and got into a college. I suppose it was a month or two after joining the college I got into this stupid misunderstanding with someone and shrieked infront of my classmates and threw my glasses like it was BAD, I know it was a stupid thing for me to do but this started reminding me of high school again and I couldn't handle my emotions. After that, no one really sat next to me, they would put their bags on my bench and would sit behind or infront of me with their friends. I tried talking to them, they were polite enough to say something but it always ended up me being ignored. My OCD anxieties were terrible and during lab sessions experiments was unable to perform or even hold the apparatus on my own, so when our professors would assign us partners, when it came to me everything was quiet. And when someone is assigned to be my partner they made faces of disappointment and their friends mocking them and wishing them good luck. I would do my very best to give assistance for the experiments only to get told that they'll handle everything and I just need to copy theirs. I hated this so much. I tried explaining this to my professors and it was obvious that they didn't want to do anything with it as their lives were not going great in the college. I was told that I didn't make an effort to speak to my classmates, and I thought that was true but every time I would initiate conversations with them I found out that our interests were too different to which I admit yes not all of us have to like the same thing, but I would ask them about the stuff they like and they would talk something and then go back to their friend group. I tried going home together with them, before catching the public transportation we have to take a 3-5 minute ride after that we would get into the public transportation and it always ended up me sitting alone while they would sit together and chat. (I think I might be seeing too much into this but I am so sorry for being such an idiot here.) Group projects always ended up with them doing the work and me doing nothing because there was no work. I tried not focusing on this and did my own thing to keep me engaged. Then I heard that there were rumours spread about me in the college and I think my classmates have painted me as a scary person or someone not mess with. We had a food carnival, I was in my stall giving juice for free while next to me was lemonade stand that was charging money. So when the other students came to check out, no one wanted to do anything with my stall and were buying lemonade from my neighbors. At some point these random girls come to my stall atnd start joking about the juice I was giving away ( IT was a mangosteen drink), suddenly one of my classmates tried warning the girls that who I was...that day was also a shitty day because the people who actually drank the juice from my stall did so out of pity it was very obvious. While I am grateful for those who actually bothered, I couldn't help but feel really hurt about this. I am sorry for this stupid rant, God. Obviously my studies and grades were messed up because I cared too much, but I was told that I didn't seem to care. I obviously tried telling this to my family, they told me that I was just taking things too seriously and that I wasn't really putting any effort to socialise. I told this situation to my therapist who said that I had to sue my college or something (dude, what??). I tried begging my parents to allow me a break but I guess it won't really do anything.....As the second semester has ended I am thinking if I want to continue this college or just suck it up and I'm being a whimp. I am really sorry. Thank you so much for reading this, I would be very grateful to hear your opinion, thank you.

hi everyone i'm kinda feeling anxious these days and would love to share my thoughts hoping for some insights. i've been working at my current job for quite a while now and things were going smoothly until recently the company's financial health has taken a hit apparently. let's just say layoffs are looming around the corner from what i've heard through the grapevine. our team had a secret meeting during lunch (you know one of those hush-hush discussions where we try to piece together whatever info we got) anyways need to vent this before I lose my mind;

you see i'm 41 and have built enough experience in my field but here's the kicker i feel like every company around is either downsizing or not looking for someone with my skill set right now which is a bummer 😅 it's not as easy as it used to be figuring out what comes next when you're faced with redundancy ya know? relocating isn't really an option since we've settled down here wifey doesn't work she's great but she decided to be a homemaker long ago plus there's that mortgage breathing down our necks every month so its kinda hard knowing this might be coming

i try talking about making adjustments planning for potential scenarios but honestly most nights i lay awake wondering how it all happened so fast within months everything shifted pjce of mind no longer exists doing good job turning into merely anxious fingers crossed things change though yet if they dont guess getting ready searching new opportunity should really start thanks for listening i'm open for advice...

So here I am at 21, feeling like I barely know who I am. It's kind of frustrating, honestly. I'm a girl trying to figure out this whole 'self discovery' thing without shelling out for a life coach because, well, I'm broke🤷‍♀️. I've read some articles saying it's important to understand yourself better, but every time I try to dive deep and ask myself questions about what truly matters to me, I just end up more confused than ever!!! Am I the only one? Or does everyone else feel as lost as I do?!!

I've tried journaling, but half the time it feels like I'm just writing nonsense: stuff that doesn't even mean anything! People always say to follow your heart; but how do you even start doing that when you don't know what your heart is telling you?! It's not like there's this magic list of questions that will suddenly reveal everything about myself😩... And while meditation seems cool in theory, sitting still with my thoughts only seems to make things worse.

I guess what really gets to me is seeing others around my age seemingly having their lives together or at least having a clear idea of where they're heading. Meanwhile, I'm stuck with all these scattered thoughts and no clue on which direction to go! It feels like everyone else got a manual on 'how to discover yourself' except me. Ughh! Can someone just hand me the secret formula already??

There's been an unexpected incident at work that's truly left me baffled. We have a new coworker who recently joined our team. I've established a strong rapport with one of my colleagues over the past five years and we often find humor in our interactions together. During a break, my colleague cracked a joke that I found particularly amusing, resulting in us both bursting into laughter. Apparently, this coincidental timing was perceived by the new coworker as being directed at him; 😕 To my surprise, he proceeded to report the situation to HR! Now I'm left with the challenge of addressing this misunderstanding without escalating matters further...

My primary intention when sharing a laugh with my friend was purely harmless and not intended to ridicule or belittle anyone in any way. It seems vital to approach this issue delicately so as to avoid any negative repercussions on my professional relationships or work environment. Misunderstandings can become common occurrences in large workplaces, but swift resolution is essential for maintaining harmony.

I'm unsure how best to convey my perspective while making sure the new coworker feels respected and valued. Communication plays such an integral role in avoiding conflicts like these... My friend's sense of humor shouldn't be misconstrued as something malicious! How can one effectively clear up such a mix-up while ensuring no lingering discomfort remains? Surely there's some diplomatic solution out there waiting to be discovered; In moments like these, diplomacy feels more like art than science.

Hi so my love life has been shit and so I've written some piece. I have no prior experience in writing or anything. I just wrote whatever I wanted to and this is what i've written

BLASPHEMY

Author’s Note: This piece is my own personal story which is inspired to me by the song I love and relate, Kalapastangan by fitterkarma

“ I’ll die with a smile

As long as you are by my side

I’ll live with regret

If I couldn’t make you smile one day yet

It is blasphemy not to love you

It is madness not to think of you

If the world were to suddenly fall apart

You’re the first one I’d look for….”

If one were to ask how I feel about you, these words would always be the first to conquer my mind.

I can feel them rushing through the blood in every part of my body, engraving my soul. All my five senses; sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch, yearns for you only, only you….

How could I ever stop loving you? It’s a sin to even think of such dreadful thoughts!!!!

I wonder how much of everything was real to you? Maybe everything was fun to you, though it was never to me and will never be. I was foolish to think I ever meant something to you. My whole world crashed as I realized I’ll never be…

They are sick of hearing about you, they tell me to forget about you. But how could I ever!? One told me to admire you but how am I supposed do that only as I have always admired you from faraway…

It aches to have the thoughts of you forever disappearing from my life. It pains to let go of you.

I wish I never realized I love you…

They tell me to not overthink and I’ll be okay but what wrong have I done? Is it a sin to love someone very deeply? They don’t believe me when I tell them I’ll keep on loving you even if you don’t exist in my chapter anymore but I know for sure you’d be the one for me as long as you exist, even if years passes by…

Even though it was for short moment, I’ll keep it close to my soul for eternity. The thought of moving on, forgetting about you and falling in love with someone new genuinely kills me deep from inside. I was over the moon when you first texted me and I could feel happiness oozing out from myself during the times we spent together.

I curse the universe for this seriously. Why does the universe have to play this game to me? Ever time I wanted to forget about you, the universe would keep reminding me about you!! If only I never realized I loved you, if only you didn’t text me and met me; would I be in this much pain….

I don’t want these emotions to be fleeting, I don’t want to forget about my love for you. So, I can be reminded of this everytime if I start forgetting. If only you knew how much everything meant to me. You’d always be the one in my mind always and every passing moment, the one whom I look for amongst the places I go, knowing you’ll never be there….

I LOVE YOU “S”.

Music Credit: “Kalapastangan” by fitterkarma (lyrics translated by iyang)

I come from a normal family. My brother has a very good job and is a miljonair. And he is not living in reality anymore. He never visits family. Or helps. Even with a sick mother he did not help for a day. Just a visit to the hospital. He talks like this at family gatherings; I am going to buy a Tesla and a Porsche. The Porsche is for a hobby. And the Tesla for work. And a few weeks later he bought the 2 cars. My income a year is what he makes in a month. He was always very normal in the sense he did not care I make less money. But i get the impression he thinks people with less money are worth less. He lives in his own world and I guess being around the same people all the time who can buy anything etc makes you see things differently

i thought i was over him you know? breaking up seemed like the right choice at the time. we'd been together for almost three years and things felt... stagnant. we stopped talking about anything meaningful. every conversation was mundane, revolving around what to eat or when to hang out with friends. it felt like we were just going through the motions. i thought maybe love had faded away and that stepping out of it would be freeing.

two months later here i am sitting alone with this overwhelming feeling of regret gnawing at me. it's like a constant dull ache inside me and i can't shake it off. in the moments where everything feels too much, i miss his presence more than anything else. that familiar voice, those gentle reassurances, even our comfortable silence together... those things have been haunting me ever since we parted ways.

it's not easy seeing him move on either, he's got a new girlfriend now which only exacerbates my feelings of loss. they say time heals all wounds but time seems to be pouring salt into mine right now lol. im trying not to get upset every time i think about them together because it's partly my own doing anyway but deep down i'm lost and sad.

so many nights i've wanted to reach out tell him how sorry and stupid i feel for leaving but then these doubts creep in whispering 'would he even care?'. what if he is truly happier without me? the thought weighs heavy on my mind making it hard to breathe sometimes😔i guess i wrote this because holding it all in isn't helping anymore.

having a crush on someone at work is both exciting and nerve-wracking...😬 i've had this growing interest in a colleague for about three weeks now, and it's been occupying a fair bit of my mental space. we work closely, so there's always the professional facade that needs to be maintained. yet, every small gesture or brief smile from them feels significant, like it carries more weight than it should.

what complicates things is the persistent uncertainty over whether these interactions mean anything beyond cordiality. it's easy to overanalyze every conversation. was their laugh genuine? or just politeness? i've even caught myself replaying scenes from meetings, trying to decipher hidden meanings that might not exist. there's also the matter of being perceived as professional. making a move could alter work dynamics irreversibly... something i'm hesitant about!!

then there's this fear of awkwardness that lingers in the back of my mind if it doesn't pan out well. how do you look someone in the eyes daily after such vulnerability? i’ve read articles suggesting direct approaches but they often gloss over the aftermath when things don't go as planned... that's what worries me most.... 😅

perhaps this uncertainty is amplified by personal expectations and societal norms around workplace conduct; you're suppose to keep everything strictly business, right? i can't help but feel cautious, though part of me wants to take a leap despite understanding all too well the risks involved. deep down i'm stuck between maintaining professionalism and exploring something potentially meaningful.

ok, so i'm REALLY tired of my friends constantly wanting to hang out at my place. like seriously, i get that i'm the only one with an apartment and they've all still got to live with their parents, but it's getting too much 🙄. it seems like every weekend, it's the same old thing: 'hey, can we crash at your place?'. dude, what am i running here? a hostel? i've got stuff to do too!

i mean look, don't get me wrong: i love my friends and all. we have good times when they come over (not gonna lie), but do i gotta be the permanent host or something??? funny how no one ever wants to pitch in for snacks or pizza when we're chilling though 🤔 what a surprise right?

it's not even about being stingy on my end; it's just frustrating as hell feeling like they expect me to always be down for it when sometimes you know... i just wanna chill alone or watch netflix without having a full house.

and then there's the cleanup afterwards too. will anyone offer a hand with THAT? of course not! plus people leave their stuff lying around like kids after playtime in kindergarten man 🙈 finding socks under my couch months later?! someone explain flipping trips me up.

i tried talking bout boundaries with them last week - was kinda awkward but necessary man. hopefully they get why i need space sometime instead thinking i'm suddenly antisocial now ?? let's see how well that goes tho 😅