Life Stories and Everyday Drama

I literally so f****** overwhelmed like I bit my hand and it started to bruise so I don't know how I'm going to cover that up and then my brother is a so incompetent because whenever we have to go to the field because I have to choreograph and I can't choreograph at home because I can't tumble at home so we have to go out to this football field so I can do it without hurting myself it's always my car doesn't have enough gas my step mom just quit her job so her car is free so I just got off the phone with him he's like well my check engine light just came on and I'm like well Miss Jasmine still there because she quit her job so ask her if we can use her car cuz she's most likely going to say yes so he's like oh I don't know cuz I have to ask her I'm like then ask her and mind you he's 18 acting like he's a freaking 14 year old I'm going to be 14 soon and I'm acting more return than he is he needs to grow up he's not done with school he hasn't even started applying to call it is he doesn't have a job I have a job I am almost at school I should be done in April and she already going to high school like he needs to get his act together and you know what I'm talking really bad about him and I love him he's a great brother but it's just sometimes he like pushes my buttons and I babysit my sister and she don't want to be a girl and so a lot of the time she's also pushing my buttons and I can't deal with it like I was literally thinking about banging my head against the wall and that's the way that I hurt myself like it's a form of self harm so but I have I had to stop myself and like I was getting so overwhelmed and then whenever I try to tell someone that I'm over one they told me that it's not that important so like I have no one to talk to I have no friends I don't have a boyfriend I don't have anything so like I'm just over here struggling by myself whatever my parents say your feelings are important I want to f****** laugh in their faces because we both know that you don't really truly think that you're saying that because it looks better than saying don't tell me you're feelings because true you're not going to care about them and when you do care about them your lecturing me about how I should feel instead of saying the way you're feeling right now is valid but I'm going to explain the situation to you tell me you understand it a bit better and maybe that can help change your feelings on this and help you feel better about them I don't know if this even makes sense I am ranting I'm like actually shaking with how upset and overstimulated I am right now but it's whatever that's it bye

sincerely,

Melody

well hi. I'm William. I guess i'm a co-host? idk man. I don't even think I got my own age right on the tracker. help.

I am unable to express myself, and as a result, people misunderstand me, calling me weird or crazy.

​Nobody understands me. Since childhood, I have always just been myself, but my emotional growth is stunted because I grew up in a very volatile environment.

​I rarely got my parents' help when I needed it; I had to solve my own problems, feeling like I had no support. I sometimes cry, thinking about how lonely I feel inside.

​I've realized that people will only give you attention and care if you are providing them with benefits.

​Truly, I crave a little love. I envy people who were lucky enough to grow up in a good, happy, or at least an emotionally sound environment.

​Now, I feel I can never understand certain emotions, such as making bonds over time. I had some nightmare-inducing experiences in childhood that prevent me from having certain emotions.

​As of today, I want to grow, but I don't know how. Whenever I ask anyone for help, they either leave me, laugh, or just talk behind my back about how naive and witless I am.

So, yeah, I have eczema. I'm 13 and I've had it since I was 3, so, it's been a decade. Mine can be red, flaky and swollen if I don't apply creams, but when I drink some antihistamines, put some steroid creams, and when it's only flaky I put moisturizer, I have minimal scarring, more like minor pigmentation. And no flakes, weirdly enough. Only side effect is acne similar to rosacea since they don't look yellow with pus, but maybe that's cus I'm 13. I got a blood test, and my mom told me the doc said I have an allergy to dust and cat fur, which happened a year ago, in Malaysia at Christmas, in one cafe, they had one fat cat, and when I was petting and rubbing, my eye swelled up in the hotel and I started feeling bad. That allergy came out of nowhere! And because I'm somehow way more analytical than my age (I wish I had the same amount as anyone else), I realized the atopic triad exists, and it's all lining up. I've had eczema since I was 3, and now I got cat allergy since last December. Only a mere year back! Asthma's next! It all makes sense because of the triad, and since my grandma (maternal) has asthma herself. So far my tonsils are apparently sensitive according to my orthodontist, and I often get tonsil stones every month. They're small, and appear less than last year, but I have huge crypts.

My doctor actually suggested biologics, because she noticed I use creams, before my mom declined and she suggested oral stuff, so I drank the fake-medicinal-cherry Predo and some other antihistamine, and I don't feel anything weird, besides them tasting gross. But I was panicking when I realized biologics meant NEEDLES IN THE STOMACH, because one lady put it in her belly like it was nothing, and months before, her skin was like an elephant's with scabs (no offense to her, but it looked really painful)! And I'm here like, "Great, now I'm gonna soon have my eczema-equivalent of insulin shots? What else is next, an inhaler!?" Great, I'm fragile. I have acne which my dad thinks is from dirt, eczema, allergies with swelling, and what else is next? Anaphylactic reactions? Asthma!? Man, I'm a china doll! I was even panicking about the asthma for a month. I even cried a few times, because I know of no one besides my grandma with asthma, and I've heard once you get it, it's lifelong, it can be bad, you can't do normal human stuff like wear wooly sweaters, or own fluffy animals, or go out and run without feeling horrible. And the inhaler felt like a CPAP, meant for people with bad illnesses. It just felt like a sign of weakness. I even came up with a full plan to eat so much sugary food, like think animal-style fries with jug chocolate milkshakes with ice cream sundaes, strawberry vape, and just give up! I'm fine now, but I thought about it then! Now I'm like, "Why? Why did I think that?"

It's just, it seems scary. Just, it may do it. It may have skipped a generation for mom, and 2 generations for dad (his grandma had eczema), but it may get me soon. I already got eczema. Asthma may come next, and I may live for about 70 years. My grandma being alive at 64 is somehow there. I may get it. I didn't get symptoms for cat allergies until December, and it's been happening ever since! Most recently, I pet a cat near a college, and my eye got swollen, my rash got worse, and I started sneezing. Just, even with the pet bit, I wanna have a cat, but now about the fur, I feel bad. And with lizards or reptiles, they don't have that sort of love hormone in them, so they're just seeing you in infrared and only see you as "Feed me, human". But hey, people make sacrifices, maybe this is one of them. Like, if you can't get a villa, get an apartment. But yeah, I'm doing better now, mentally, so please, don't panic about that bit. When I saw a Dupixent ad, it felt...interesting. They said the usual, Dupixent helps clear severe eczema in a few months with long-lasting effects, yada yada, but it also showed stuff like a girl playing some football, and a couple together, and they said stuff like, "Touch can show teamwork, touch can show love. We wanna make sure that touch feels like you and true." Welp, they are right that people will worry if I'm okay if I flare up. Who wouldn't? Last time I got rash on my eyelids, one dude in the pool asked me why they're red. He didn't inquire further, but still.

Like, one girl has perioral eczema, but she manages it well enough where I can't see it, but her lips are kinda dark with pink spots. One girl gets really bad reactions during peak summer. Meanwhile if I don't put cream, I get flaky-ah rash, if I put cream, I get acne on my cheeks, like small pustules, some are the red ones, some are blackheads. The doc suggested I take Dupixent, or actually biologics, but my mom doesn't trust her for some reason. Dupixent is a cure as much as Accutane is a cure. It's trendy, it's new, it's great. So why is mom saying we need to verify this with more doctors and not just one? It's not like vaccines where I could die, right? Why is she telling me to check with more doctors? Everyone with eczema uses it, right? I mean, come on, that lady had a huge glow-up! I bet she was able to sleep easier at night because she's not itching like heck at bed! So why is she asking for a second opinion? It's meant to be a long-term help for years, not a few months. While my eczema may not be as bad, it'll be cured by the needle. So please, whoever has eczema here, is mom being stupid or is she being smart? And tell me your experiences with finding treatment and living with it, I really wanna know. I feel isolated anyways with inherited atopic dermatitis.

I feel so far behind like, everything is against me. I can't anymore I just want people to listen I want friends a boyfriend or girlfriend who won't undermine how I feel. I just wanna feel like me.

sincerely,

Melody (13 f)

Okay, let's begin.

My family lives in poverty; we're not wealthy or anything like that, but we live well. That's in Colombia, and I won't go into those details. What happened is that a few hours ago, they realized I'm failing one subject at university, and they said I was the worst, a piece of trash, a bad son, a bad brother, a bad friend. They said all sorts of awful things to me, and it's made me feel terrible. My mother physically assaulted me and said it was my hair that was preventing me from studying well, that I just spend all my time playing around and don't do anything around the house, which is why I'm failing. I only said I missed an assignment and an online exam, not that I was going to fail the subject. I said I'm a good student, that I've always proven it; I've been the best for years. But that wasn't enough for them. They only care about a measly degree or a grade; they don't care about me at all. They told me I had to cut my hair as punishment, or else they'd throw me out on the street like a dog, and I said I wasn't going to cut it. Well, now They're packing their bags. I hope everyone has a good trip. I might never reply to any messages you send me. Goodbye.

PS: If anything is translated incorrectly, it's the translator's fault, not mine.

being in your twenties

like what the hell? is it okay to be such a mess?

seriously Nothing is working for me am so tired like does it ever get better

I just wanna date. like have someone to hug kiss cuddle. feel less lonely but I'm only 13 but if anyone near that age wants to let me know cause please.

love me pleasssseee

love,

Melody (fake name)

So, I'm an alter in the head of someone with DID. And today is my first day fronting. Stupid host made me do it during SCHOOL. I AM NEVER LETTING HIM MAKE ME DO SCHOOL AGAIN. I DON'T CARE IF THAT MEANS I NEVER FRONT AGAIN, I AM NOT DOING SCHOOL ANYMORE.

I hope this doesnt sound too messy because my writing is honestly terrible, but I wanted to share this little story in case anyone reading ever wondered about the signs your family doesnt care about you, or at least seems like they dont. Im 17 and a girl, and Ive kinda grown up watching my parents circle around my brothers like planets around a sun, while Im some tiny moon they forget is even there. They go to every football match my brothers play, even when its freezing outside or when the team always loses. They cheer so loud I swear the field shakes. When one of them gets an A on a test, my mom tells the whole family group chat and my dad claps him on the shoulder like he just won a Nobel Prize. When I get good grades, they say OK and go back to whatever they were doing. I dont think theyre trying to be mean, they just forget me, like that quote from The Perks of Being a Wallflower where it says we accept the love we think we deserve, and sometimes I wonder if I just accepted this whole situation without thinking too much. And maybe thats why Im telling this politely, because staying polite feels like the only way I stay steady;

Anyway I keep trying to stay objective about it, because I know teenagers can exagerate things and I dont want to sound like Im throwing a fit. Its just facts. They barely talk to me unless they need me to do a chore. They never ask me about my intersts, like school clubs or the small art projects I do. I once tried to show my mom a drawing I worked on for two weeks, and she said Mhmm while scrolling on her phone. If one of my brothers had drawn literally anything, even a stick figure, it would of gotten a photo framed in the living room. Still I keep telling myself maybe they dont realize how it feels from my side. Maybe they grew up in familys where girls stayed quiet or maybe they think Im independant and dont need them. I stay polite because whats the point of fighting. Its better to observe everything like Im some researcher taking notes on a family I dont totally belong in. Detatchment feels safer. But even with that detatchment Im hopeful. I think one day someone will care to ask about my life the same way they ask my brothers.

The weird thing is how normal it all feels now, even tho I know deep down it shouldnt. Sometimes I sit in my room and wander, Would anyone notice if I just stopped trying. Not in a dramatic way just a logical question. And I bet you if someone reading this has felt like the shadow sibling youv wondered it too. I remember one time my English teacher complimented an essay I wrote telling me I had clear potential and my first instinct was to laugh because no one at home has ever used the word potential about me. I quoted her in my journal because it felt so strnage yet so nice. Im not saying my parents are villians or anything like that. Theyre polite people themselfs and I know they love us in their own way. They just show it unevenly like someone pouring water into two cups and missing the third. And thats okay. Cups can be refilled someday by someone else or maybe by ourselves. Im trying to beleive that honestly.

So I guess all this is just me asking gently have you ever felt invisible in your own house. And if yes how did you figure out that it wasnt your fault. I try to stay hopeful because Ive read so many storys yes I know sounds cheesy where people grow up and finally meet friends or mentors or partners who see them and cheer for them the way their family never did. Maybe that will be me too. I want to keep a positive tone because life isnt over at 17 not even close and maybe this whole weird upbringing will make me appreciate real attention when it finally comes. Im staying polite staying patient and staying open to the idea that things can still change. And if they dont at least Ill know I tried to understand it instead of letting it crush me. Maybe thats the real sign that I care about myself even if my family sometimes forgets to show that they do.

so I'm laughing so hard rn ha ha I laugh everytim I see those scratches on my arm ha haaa ha they're so funny and cute

dies

I love the taste of my own blood wbu

I just wanted to get this off my chest and maybe hear someone's thoughts?

but I kinda have no friends so…

Well basically I fell hard for an anime boy, and I just can't get past the fact he doesn't exist and for some reason I felt like leaving my boyfriend (I'm confused as well???) it's even worse considering we've been together for 3 years now, and I feel quite "bad" (like something is wrong) about it but I don't feel any guilt or regret it at all

So yeah that's it I would like to hear your thoughts!

this was the previous one by the way>>

Hi! Let's call me Caralia.

SO! My best friend, let's call her Luna. Luna is a semi-badgirl. Bad homelife, drunk parents, tons of siblings, skips classes, gets referrals and tardies because she feels like it. Luna always self-harmed openly. But, we have many mutual friends.

Two weeks ago I told the trusted art teacher (quietly). Said art teacher reported it, so then the following weeks, Luna didn't return until next week. Nobody was aware I told. Today, Luna returned. PE class, I run up to greet her, but she pushed me away. I was confused until the popular girl, Willow, came up to me while I was changing into uniform.

Willow's little fanclub were trailing behind, recording and flashing their phones as i was packing up. "Hey Caralia!" Willow said with that fake-sweet smile. She immediately starts saying why did I tell, so to salvage my reputation I say, "It's not my business to tell what Luna does, and I think it was a teacher report." Luna looks at me like I'm crazy.

"Stop lying to my face, I had to go to a mental hospital because of you." Luna said to me. My gut literally dropped. That's where she'd been for a week. Coach enters the locker room, and checks up on me like, 'hey, what happened' so obviously I told her what happened. after Willow and her crew left, I start crying to one of my friends, telling her what happened. Willow magically spawned behind me when I heard a gasp. I look over, barely visible in my tearing eyes, Willow. Willow says i have to stop getting myself into these situations. and she kept on repeating that. Now a ton of my friends are avoiding me.

NOW TO CURRENTLY.

So, two days after that happened, Jaylen, one of our mutual friends, brought us together to talk. Luna and I talked about it, and ruled that I wasn't guilty. (HOW???) Anyways, so Luna and I are back to best friends. Timeskip to yesterday. We're in AP art class, Jaylen, Luna and I are talking. Jaylen brings up a situation that occurred with Willow. For context, earlier in the year there was a rumor about me that I was trans. (tf i literally look like a girl are yall blind) Willow had been stirring the pot by picking drama with Jaylen and Jaylen's friend, Millie. Millie and Jaylen told their crew, which started avoiding Willow. Willow lost her main friend group. (bc she's messy) Willow switched to the other popular group, and started spreading rumors about her original. Luna and Jaylen reveal to me that Willow is the one that told Luna solely off of a guess, and Willow is also the one who spread the trans rumors. pls vote in my poll if u dont wanna write.

I often scratch myself when I’m triggered or angry and such and one time I got very upset and the scratches were prominent and a bit inflamed. I always did such thing discreetly so my parents wouldn’t notice but it was so inflamed and my mom noticed. She immediately got angry at me and told me that I’m stupid for harming myself and that it won’t solve anything and that I should just stop. Now I want to do it more. What should I do?

I only seen to attract the wrong type of friends. They’re always manipulative or toxic or self centered and such. One of my friends called me names as a joke, another one ghosted me, another one uses me to get stuff from teachers, another one made fun of me when I called my mom because I was fainting in class, another one called me a snitch for telling her about my mother’s affair that has been heavy on me, another one gossiped about me behind my back, one is flirting with my crush, another one laughed off my mental health. I don’t know if I should have friends anymore. All my friends are like that and I don’t have family members who I can confide in and now I just feel lonely and pathetic. What should I do?