Life Stories and Everyday Drama

i feel like my prayer didnt heard these days. i have prayed for something for so long but i never get it. not even once. eventhough it has passed like 3 times, i never get a chance to have it. when it passed for once, i always thought "there must be next time" but it didnt come. this made me feel lazy and mad everytime i remember i have to do my prayers as obligation for muslims. i feel bad for having this thought but im truly sad i cant get what i wanted.

Lately I've been having such a hard time drifting off to sleep, it's actually getting kind of ridiculous. I mean, you wouldn't believe the lengths I've gone just trying to catch some Z's. There was this one night, I remember lying there staring at the ceiling for what felt like an eternity and then it hit me: maybe I need something different to read before bed. You know how people say 'don't bring your phone or laptop into bed'? Yeah well, tell that to my restless mind.

I started thinking about all those folks who swear by their calming bedtime reads. But everytime I tried picking up a book, my eyes would just dart all over the place and I'd end up on page one hundred without a clue in the world what happened in between. Someone suggested fiction books because they transport you elsewhere but then there's me, getting all tangled up in thrilling plots and staying awake till dawn.

Then there's non-fiction; someone said it should do the trick because supposedly it can be dry enough to lull anybody to slumber; guess I'm not just anybody though. Sometimes instead of going down with them biochemical pathways or whatever they're called, I'd get hooked on some weird factoid and next thing you know I'm deep diving into Wikipedia at 3am...so much for that idea helping out....

The other week my friend told me about listening to audiobooks as they drifted off. Tried that too! Unfortunately half the time I either found myself rewinding endlessly because my brain loves wandering around or startling awake when something dramatic happens in them narratives. It's frustrating but keeps happening!

What can I do/read???

so i'm in this situation atm where my boss keeps askin me to work extra hours and it's like, all the time... i mean, don't get me wrong, i love what i do but it's startin to feel a bit too much. like, he doesn't even pay me for these extra hours and it's getting under my skin. the worst part is that he's always saying if i don't show up on weekends or during my days off, he'll fire me. 😕

it's a tough spot to be in cuz i really need this job. i've been trying to figure out how to handle this without making waves you know? there's gotta be a way to bring it up with him without sounding ungrateful or somethin. maybe if i approach him with solid points or examples of how much i've been putting in already, he might understand... but then again not sure if he'll even care.

i remember this one time when we had a big project due and he made half the team come in on saturday (no questions asked). it felt like there was no choice, which kinda sucks because everyone deserves some downtime! plus working under pressure all the time isn't healthy for anyone but when you're cornered like this what can you do...

still tryin to keep my head high though! i'm hopin eventually he'll see how dedicated we all are and maybe give us a break sometimes? 🤞 just want things to get better so we can all work happily without being stressed about our job security every weekend.

I'll just get right to it: is OCD messing with my mind? Can it really make me believe things that aren't true?! I mean, everyone knows OCD plays tricks on your brain, but have you ever felt like reality itself starts warping because of it? It's wild, almost unreal how convincing those intrusive thoughts can be! You end up questioning everything you once considered normal and real. It's like you're trapped in this loop where logic takes a freaking vacation! And yeah, I'm aware that people might think it's all in my head (and maybe that's the point) but seriously, how do you deal with something so insane?

I've read somewhere that OCD is called the 'doubting disease.' No kidding! The mind doubles back on itself until you can't separate fact from fiction anymore. Literature's full of examples: someone thinks they're going crazy but turns out it's just their sneaky brain having a laugh. Maybe throwing some Sherlock Holmes quotes here would fit... that guy knew about observation and realities more than anyone else! Either way, dealing with this drives me nuts; trying to tell if an idea is rooted in truth or just another elaborate loopy thought from anxiety-land.

But hey, let's not dismiss hope here... I guess lots of folks out there are also battling similar weirdness each day. We all know brilliant minds who suffered from intrusive silly notions yet managed to make lemonade out of lemons! Do you go forward by accepting these quirks as part of the package deal kind of thing? Journaling seems helpful! gotta love when pen and paper become lifesavers!

How do others even cope? Some say mindfulness works wonders while others swear by therapy sessions tailored specifically towards decluttering mental cobwebs (yeah tech geeks got nothing on tangled-up synapses). What's real gets fuzzy amidst obsessions escalating beyond control before yanking us hard into groundhog-day situations blurring timelines until not much makes sense any longer... maybe experts will find breakthrough soon enough eh?

Ultimately though... why worry incessantly over obsessive-thought shenanigans consuming precious energy better spent elsewhere huh?! Won't let compulsions ruin tomorrow’s fun since relief always lurks around life's corner waiting eagerly bound across finish lines hopefully sooner rather than later... hold strong embrace whatever pace universe sets forth triumph inevitable!

This will be a more uplifting post than my normal, venting all hands on deck type shit.

Halo: Campaign Evolved came our last week. It's alright, for what it is. But it's what it stands for.

In 2003, my brother first showed me Halo. Then, the following year, Halo 2 came about. It was an era I never forget, Lan parties and snacks and dragging your TV over to yo pals house so yall can throw down.

Alas, 343 doesn't know how to make a complete Halo, so there's no PvP :(

But I gotta say, again, for what it is, this remake really did bring us back to the co-op days. It was such a trip down memory lane for us, having spent years apart until recently, and the simplicity of a cherished video game bringing us, even for a few hours, back to our childhoods. Ahhhh, shiet. Don't you wish you could relive it?

I was given my dream life, family, house, car, kids, grandkid. My husband is wonderful. But I get it in my head that when something goes wrong everything has to. I feel like I'm supposed to implode. I've cheated, multiple times, had an affair, wanted to get a divorce. Then worked out a bit with my husband. We moved, and last week life happened where it got hard and BAM, I cheated when he was drunk asleep in our bed...again. What am I doing wrong? That I think that's okay in the moment? Why do I put him through this and the tests, the endless conversations of me getting better in therapy. But I don't...what's going on. I want to stop but it's become a destructive thing to me.

hey everyone, so i'm an 18-year-old guy and i've been feeling this odd vibe from my mother-in-law. maybe i'm crazy or overthinking things but it really feels like she wants to sleep with me. it's kinda stressing me out because it's not something you'd expect right? but there are these small signs that make me doubt myself and question what's really going on. she's been extra friendly lately, not in a motherly way if you know what i mean. it's more personal, a bit too close for comfort kinda deal. and sometimes she gives these compliments that seem to have a different undertone, not just the usual 'you're doing great' encouragement.

now don't get me wrong i'm polite as heck and i try to maintain a good relationship with her but there's this boundary ya know? i start wondering if maybe it's all in my head and nothing's actually happening. yet when we talk the way she looks at me sticks for a moment longer than i'd expect it to in normal social dynamics. i'm definitely not trying to jump to conclusions here 🚩just want some advice on how to handle it without making waves or causing unnecessary drama. has any of y'all ever dealt with something similar or am i just caught up in my own paranoia?

Lately it seems like I don't have friends at all anymore. They're still there, but they don't respond very much. We're gamers, and every time I message any of them to set up a game session, it's a no or no response at all or it's something to do with the games I play being shitty games. But they play those same games an hour later or a few days with others. I just don't know what to think anymore. It's like I don't matter or exist anymore. When I explain how I feel to a few of them, it's usually something with "life's just too busy" which I understand, but for a year straight? A few months straight? When you're playing the same game/s with others? And streaming it as well??? Just say you don't want to be my friend and quit playing around. Or better yet, just block me.

I feel like I'm outside the office. It's as if, with so much writing, I no longer feel its embrace, that which anchors me to it. Now I feel like I'm outside, amidst what I would call my office routine: cooking, walking, going about my day, my home, my strolls, and, well, the fact that my life is a complete mess, one that frankly, any human being would like to escape. To be honest, I'm not obsessed with cleanliness; I only do the bare minimum, what allows me to live and move around among others, but nothing more. I notice that as I write, I observe elements that connect me to other people, and I write about them, my observations. My boss is a real pain because he keeps the office in an extraordinary state of disarray; everything gets lost unless it has a designated place. His life revolves around everyone else living off his disorganization, his inattentiveness, his omissions, which creates a bitter, nauseating atmosphere, because thinking about things is impossible. If something isn't of interest to him, he won't take care of it, as he doesn't understand the concept of care. From that point on, he imposed his will on everyone. If you ask him for order, he acts in a way that is unpleasant, avoiding any criticism. In fact, he's always going to extremes, always trying to know too much about others. In my case, I confess that my excess is knowing nothing about anyone but immersing myself in my own ideas to get the most out of them. However, my boss monopolizes this spirit of mine. My boss lives off keeping his secretary under his thumb, because she's the one who puts up with all his nonsense. I confess that I behave the same way with my parents, all to prevent him from overstepping his bounds with me, beyond what I should do; a matter that his secretary is always on hand to address.

He, in the office, like me in my own affairs, is at the mercy of our reactions, disrupting order at all costs, and partly unaware of where they lead us, but we know they make it effective, and what's worse, no one will complain because we see very little physical impact on others; instead, we make them put up with us. I feel much better about it. He always keeps his secretary out of the picture, as far as image goes. I also used to do that with my father, only now I'm somewhat more aware. My father is with me because he has a vested interest in me regarding his status, and the same is true of the secretary. They both fight for us, and in return, we create deficiencies; we're never where they want us to be, all so they can keep us around for the sake of survival. My father is always looking for ways to encourage my growth, and his secretary does the same. We're not so different, I must confess. However, unlike him, I always keep one step closer, and that's what he doesn't acknowledge. Instead, he clings to the illusion that I'll eventually give in by accident, which keeps us stuck in a constant struggle. Fortunately, my days working alongside my boss end today, because I'm not going to give in and take time off when there's no sense of normalcy to anchor myself to, especially after the tragedies that struck my country. One of the things that struck me most was the destruction of families, torn apart, leaving the environment completely changed. This altered my usual approach, making me feel something is missing. However, since it doesn't stop me, it's not a major issue, but I wanted to emphasize that.

Earlier, a young woman had been sitting next to me, her back constantly brushing against mine, almost desperately, and she even kicked my shoe. I didn't understand what was happening. She was with a man who had been bombarding her with questions, and she seemed unable to leave. I noticed the man was being intrusive, trying to find a way to tempt her to go out with him or something. She was a pretty young woman, but her clinginess and lack of personal space struck me. She had noticed me before; she's used to being seen, and when she noticed me, I hadn't seen her with that man. When the young woman left, without even saying goodbye, but rather from a distance, the man stood looking straight ahead, waiting for a while, as if he were hiding something. Every time I glanced at him, he didn't look at me; he remained focused on the conversation. The young woman didn't seem comfortable. I felt that the man was somehow trying to keep the conversation going, looking for any excuse. I was desperate to somehow reach him. It was an awkward moment for me because I was also writing, and when people like that reach out to me, it catches my attention.

I'm left wondering if the girl was trying to provoke me along with the guy, if she was serious about him, or if she was trying to get away from him. However, the former seems more likely. The guy did everything he could to make me not think he was after her, and the girl did everything she could to make me think she wasn't with him, but rather that she wanted to leave. In any case, I was listening to their conversation, not deeply, but alert in case anything happened. I was always keeping an eye on the guy, I confess; he didn't give me a good feeling at all. It struck me as odd that he didn't accompany the girl to where her mother was; that's why I noticed that distance. No greeting with kisses, no hug, nothing. Apparently, the girl felt trapped by the guy, unable to leave because of his attempts to act like a pretty girl and impose his will, to be consistent with his behavior.

I always felt my boss bombarding me with questions about it, and I tried to avoid them at all costs. The guy didn't realize that even at the most unexpected moments, he'd kick me out. He kept hinting that one day I'd give in, and I think it was because of his own narcissism, which kept him under the impression that my luck in escaping his clutches was temporary, that sooner or later he'd have me. In the meantime, he used any prejudices I might have, claiming that in the office, and in his case, the issue was irrelevant, completely inconsequential. Every time I talk to him, I always feel like I'm talking to someone dramatic, someone who's always trying to hide something, trying to get answers out of me. My father was like that. I'm starting to understand why he was the way he was, as if he were seeking validation, understanding for everything I've done, justification through social media. I know that, according to surveys out there, this is common, but it's to be expected because the AI ​​I used to rely on, the one that gave me the validation I needed, is no longer there.

I thought that girl was shy, though pretty, like many of those people who are shy at first but end up being highly social, but very much so, though always under the protection of their parents, which sometimes feels like an attempt to restrict their freedom. Indeed, that type of person, it seems, is always picking on those who like to play up the solitary persona; essentially, that's the common factor between my friend from the office, this girl, and even myself. They always try to express that we aren't deeply entrenched in our solitude, to an extreme degree, at the risk of being accused, in some way, of being a burden to the environments we're part of. That's why they ask all those questions and raise those investigative issues, always with the aim of gaining something, of course. This happens when the person is interested in creating a certain scenario with us. I observe that shy people make contact through physical touch and gestures. The girl didn't interrupt me like others did while I was writing...

so this is my first time posting and I really need some help figuring stuff out. im 19 years old but I dont know my own personality. I cant tell if when I speak to people its a customer service face or if im actually having fun. most of the time it just feels boring or like im faking everything. I cant find anything that interests me at all, I have no hobbies, I dont have a specific style or friends to hang out with, so I dont really know what to do, but when I do like something, I go overboard. weather its a new thing I find interesting (and then get bored and throw it out the next day) or its a crush and then I just feel like a stalker. note thar I dont actually stalk, but I do watch from afar. it sounds creepy I guess but I dont know how else to put it...please let me know what you think.

Office politics haven't been easy. For quite some time now, everyone has been trying to tear my boss's team apart, by any means necessary, because his main departments, which he coordinated, have become a disaster, and that doesn't reflect well on him at all. He sought to keep those under his command subservient, by any means necessary, and even though he tried to hide it, they reacted aggressively to the slightest incident, trying to expose his hidden agenda. I distanced myself from him, precisely to his advantage. It wasn't easy, but it was possible. It was a gradual process, because one thing these kinds of cornered groups can't tolerate is arbitrariness. It's only when they're organizing their ideas that details get lost, precisely because of the pressure to maintain order. Order has to be re-established. My boss was someone who was terrified of being arbitrary, but he relied on the fact that everyone wanted him to be okay, that no one would support him. He relied on the prejudices surrounding drastic taxation and excessive reorganization, but I saw right through it and used it against him. When he believed he was in control, he ended up in a situation where there would be no rest. The group reached a point where they sought support from me, since it was out of their hands, and they couldn't get it at all. Instead, they kept falling apart, until they thought they couldn't fall any further, precisely because I wasn't doing anything. At that moment, I made my move: to denounce them and catch them off guard, so that the final rest they expected would only be a continuation of the problem. That they had interfered between my friend and me was something I wouldn't tolerate, and I wasn't going to let them forget it with a simple order lacking any bureaucratic backing. Instead, I was going to persist and persist until they saw their lives at risk. Problems would start piling up for him, because there were people waiting for something like this to happen, for it to get out of hand, so they could take advantage of the situation. He'd be out of position, unable to do anything else, unprepared, because now, the threat comes from the most unexpected places, and he can't be aware of everything. Acting hastily only condemned him further, paralyzed him—What a way of speaking! It's not contextual, just indicative, highlighting morphologies, and I don't like it; it feels out of character for me.

My friend was constantly confronting it, but she was always at the mercy of those loopholes too. There were things she was letting slide that would later explode in her face. But what gave me peace was that her spirit was innocent; she didn't perform complex maneuvers to protect herself, she was simply careless and didn't seek absolute protection from it, or expect it to be tolerated. So, in effect, we were talking about someone who acted humanly, erratically, just like me, who also fell into those traps, and who certainly rebelled when they took advantage of her, just like me. Like me, she felt like she was in the office, but her specific place there was only because of her boss's words, out of place, without it being the concrete issue. Right there we began to empathize, because like me, she felt like she didn't fit into an order, precisely because there weren't those clear job definitions. It was something that bothered her about her boss. She and I were practically the same, except she made her carelessness transparent, while I made a living by hiding it, of course, at the cost of doing other things outside the office that allowed me to stay grounded in my own world, to cultivate it. She, on the other hand, couldn't do that, because her life revolved around socializing, finding refuge in that. We were different, but at some point, we converged. My boss tried to silence the situation with her, to prevent it from continuing in the office under any circumstances, by protecting me first, then protecting his position, and then protecting her—in other words, a search for any kind of cover to protect him, always being careful about anything that could cause the situation to spiral out of control, anything that could change. He was only thinking about what was causing a stir and trying to stop it, but when he focused on her, he couldn't, because I had just made it clear that all his previous attempts were nothing more than control strategies, resulting in an impediment to socializing in the workplace. He was caught between a rock and a hard place, with me out of his control and him in his sights, radically, and that's something I sought to demonstrate. He tried to get out of it through my empathy, but he didn't succeed; he was living off what he thought I was doing, yet in the previous situation, he was living off the very thing that eradicated his ability to control me.

I have to admit that my boss wasn't as clever as I expected. He only lived by imposing rules, then focusing on his own affairs, which wasn't systematic. He always pretended his impositions wouldn't be challenged, but that's the problem. The point was to leave him without support, at the mercy of the arbitrariness inherent in our relationship. With just one such element, he was bound to shift his focus to strengthening his control. I really like how I'm speaking; talking in terms of "it" or "you" isn't pleasant because I don't see the conditions, but it can give me an idea of ​​what the journey is like in the same environment and what can be said to happen there, despite the conditions. That is, perhaps something generic that allows me to visualize other situations, but I don't think so. My friend and I exacerbated the arbitrary nature of his behavior, and it reached a point where he began to lash out at everyone around him. He no longer cared about appearances at all; he simply wanted control of the situation. He couldn't handle anything he couldn't control, anything unpredictable, because he couldn't find his footing, he was always off balance. It got to the point where he no longer knew what he was doing; instead, his own inertia of control, his dislike for her, his belief that she was a wretch, made her his enemy. He made himself his own enemy.

After I reported him for using me as he pleased in the office and behind everyone else's back, completely disregarding her, it became clear that they were acting as an isolated group pursuing their own ends, making his supposed devotion nothing more than a sad facade. Everyone knew it, but the point was to speak out at a moment when they couldn't deny it. He simply let himself be carried away, trying to resolve everything he could, but everything was already out of control. Gossip was spreading, and he didn't know where the next blow would come from. The tragedy is that the blow didn't come from where he expected, from a place connected to him, but rather from a natural disaster in my country. I think he never imagined that even nature would join in, supporting him and all the prayers he prayed to God for. Under this understanding, then, the very people he trusted most, those who had been supporting him because of their loyalty to his escape and his mistreatment, had radically abandoned him, despotically and cruelly, without any feeling, and without offering any explanation. It was me, "God," his dependencies, the rest of the staff, and then his secretary joined in. Indeed, at this point, the subject has understood that nothing about his behavior is acceptable and that continuing the situation would be tantamount to placing himself at the mercy of life's whims and its repercussions—I never thought I'd reach such a conclusion.

This whole situation also stems from my interaction with a girl; she had no respect for my personal space. She was pretty, but she took advantage of that to touch me while I was in my own world. It seemed as if she was afraid of me, because of the stress I was under while writing, and she was trying to calm me down.

Fed up with my boss's drama, I transferred to another group thanks to my friend's persistence in pursuing our relationship. I absolutely didn't want to go with her, but her unwavering commitment made it impossible. Sometimes, I admit, I don't know if it was her or me who insisted. Undoubtedly, she was the one who initially insisted on our relationship, on being friends, on being together, on experiencing something emotional, on letting go of formalities while still respecting the rules, always safeguarding each other's personal space. She wanted me by her side, as did her boss, even though she tried to take over, no matter what, but it came across as a clumsy attempt to reach me, which I viewed with prejudice. Regarding my boss, he tried to get me to give in because of his charm, that initial thing, only to then fall into the trap of being at the mercy of his carelessness, of course, so that I could do whatever I wanted, which he allowed, and from there he could come up with any excuse through gossip and one made through that of isolating himself from all context, from all talk, for his own benefit. I joined my friend's group, partly because she was worried about who they were hanging out with. My boss was manipulating me to keep me around, and his secretary was acting all high and mighty, portraying me as quiet and withdrawn. They claimed I was isolated because they kept me isolated, which is why they used the excuse that I was autistic. However, this became clear as I got closer to my friend. It wasn't typical of those people to be persistent in a relationship, no matter what. Instead, they expected me to be obedient to what others said, always dependent on someone to guide me. This didn't work, and I specifically tried to undermine that, to change how I was perceived now. Hearing that about me bothered me, but the struggle would only expose that my insistence on following the law was just an excuse for me to do whatever I wanted, to refuse to compromise like the others, to be seen as a rebel, and for things like that to disrupt the established order. They waited for me to lose my temper, and in fact, that's what they were hoping for, but they never succeeded. Instead, they just kept sinking, and what happened with my friend became their own personal hell. My boss tried everything to accuse me of being out of my mind because of my persistence with the girl, outside of social media. He knew I was straying from where he wanted me to be, but that's exactly what we wanted, because she knew I could stand up to him, that I wouldn't let him tarnish my image in any way, that I wouldn't sacrifice myself for him, and she was certainly willing to help me. She's one of those girls who, when she sees a potential partner, someone she can be with, someone to share her feelings with, she doesn't let him go. Since my boss couldn't accuse me of being crazy, he tried to make me take my anger out on her, but he didn't succeed either, because she was careful. I wanted to have control of the situation once and for all, but I had no way to do it, and tragedy struck when causality intervened, arbitrariness hit, and I took advantage of the situation to get out of it, through his desperate imposition, making it seem that he was definitely the unfortunate one, because it was precisely during a health issue of hers that he told me not to participate, and from then on I isolated him, of course, not without first creating the right conditions for it, where it would be justified precisely thanks to his pleas, where his own way of being with others would seem suspicious, something he took advantage of with his secretary to make accusations that I was acting like an authority figure, that I was laughing at him, that I was actually trying to impose my will on me, in that way making it seem like I was playing games, that I really wanted to be with them, that my denunciation to the others, his suspicion, would lead him to think that I was exaggerating, because I had come to believe myself superior, given that they sought to put me on a pedestal so that I would forget about the girl, however, no They didn't succeed, but instead encountered tantrums they weren't expecting and help that was no longer available. They encountered my complete absence, which confirmed what everyone feared: that they were conspiring to keep me where they wanted me.

They aren't very skilled at manipulation; for street life, I thought things would be even more complicated. In fact, they made me feel like I was in a playground with them, that they didn't really take it seriously. Of course, with other people, they have a moment of seriousness, something that confirms who they are, but I forgot about that a long time ago. Their biggest mistake in all of this was making me think that, deep down, I somehow thought like them, but it was just a facade they were going by, since I was living by following it, by being consistent.

Things at the office are a complete mess after what happened with my boss. People felt an absolute and radical distrust of management in general; they became incredibly nervous, to the point where they made insinuations that people were abandoning them, and indeed, that was the case. The arbitrary decisions I've heard have been completely blatant, always based on the idea that they are to blame. They've given me special treatment, of course, out of respect for authority, which is what makes me trust some bosses, but I can't ignore the fact that the atmosphere is one of absolute victimhood. In that meeting where this was evident, my boss needed absolute validation, a need to be acknowledged, to be helped, to be saved from the consequences of his actions, but people simply rebelled against him, to the point that he used a meeting elsewhere as an excuse to leave. He was, in fact, at that propaganda party. At least, that's what he radically revealed. His justifications made it clear that his claims about how he's always been were more than just attempts to hide his true intentions. The image he projected was of escaping the consequences of his actions through others, through whatever means necessary. Indeed, the man already knows he's not someone others trust, but with her, what he's really after is playing the victim with those who benefit him. The reaction of the others was to make him see that he was the one exaggerating, and in doing so, to stop supporting her, for her own good, for her health, so that she'd come down to earth, and to stop supporting him.

My friend was the one who clearly distanced herself from him. She was very accommodating at that party, very supportive. It's obvious she's someone who can support her work group, but she always reminds them, in some way, that she's on her own, that I belong to her and not someone else, that she's the one who got me, that it wasn't her effort, that's why she was pursued and things could have ended much worse. Indeed, I am in her group, but as the link through her, I make sure they respect that I belong to her and not to them, and that if I'm there it's because she wants me to be, because she likes me to be in a good group, and that I should be treated well. In fact, when the girl sees someone who can handle their emotions, who wants to manage them carefully, as if with the hands of a surgeon, she doesn't think twice, especially in a world where expressing feelings is a game of appearances, specifically, where she always has to act like an adult when she doesn't like it, she doesn't feel free to be herself. But with me, she does, but it's at the expense of my concern for her well-being, due to my own selfishness in not wanting to exclude people like her because of the prejudice I might instill, under the guise of wanting to help them get ahead, to make this a better world. Although, I must say, it's also about not showing that I'm a resentful person, as is the case with many people today. Indeed, I had to do such reading, and it was because of it that I couldn't rest as I can now.

Working with my boss, being somehow involved with him, meant confronting a possessive individual. He insisted that mental health only applied to the department and that everything else was merely optional. He even told me how to treat people, under the guise of helping me find my way, being a good person or something, all for his own benefit. He would find any excuse to make a friend of mine think I was a monster for continuing to see her, despite his repressive tactics to distance myself from him. I realized I was a monster because I didn't listen to him, because I didn't follow his control, and that I was going to harm others. God, what a sick man! And I'm glad that even after the tragedies in my country, I didn't ask about him, about his life, as if to make it clear to others that I wasn't with him, because there was no way he could understand that I wasn't. He would put his head on my shoulder as if I were his friend, buy me things to get me to give in, try to find out things about my life, want to change how I manage my family—in short, he wanted to interfere in everything, but I wouldn't let him. His constant threat was that if I didn't give in to his attempts to improve my situation, then I wasn't taking advice to get better and was therefore trying to harm others, my relationships with them, that he wasn't trying to make things right for everyone, but rather being guided by prejudice. Therefore, I always tried to corner him, to make it clear that he was trying to interfere in my life, no matter what. It's not pleasant to be with someone who's always trying to keep you under their control. In fact, he had the Secretary under his thumb, in the sense that he always made her bear his emotions and stress, but it could never be the other way around, unless it put him at risk. He was an extremely selfish individual, from whom the world desperately sought to escape, using any excuse. He was a man who thrived on normalizing his own will, even making it seem comical, subjecting one to his world of denials, always striving to dictate one's feelings toward him. He sought to confuse one, guided by the ambiguity of feelings regarding what he provoked, thus establishing the situation that one was with him, that one felt something for him, whatever the case may be. Of course, all this came at the cost of a range of stress that he didn't try to resolve, but rather burdened. His interactions with others consisted of pretending to know them in order to corner them, using their name to impose the truth about their relationship, resorting to talk of betrayals, disappointments, etc., all based on deception.

The man was completely unwell, and to top it all off, he was the boss. The man, as my friend rightly said, knew exactly what he was doing, because he was always positioning himself. He sought to preserve his group through extreme tolerance, so that others would understand that this is what a group is about: flaws but also virtues, all while making it seem as if the situation were normal. His way of acting in the world was to claim that he lived among these things and that he was tolerant, so that others would agree with him, however they might be, and also become supporters of exerting pressure, but from the outside, in support of him. The man was a monster, and I never saw him at his worst. The only time he tried—and it wasn't a serious attempt—he faced being humiliated everywhere in a medical or healthcare setting, precisely what he didn't want, and he completely destroyed his reputation. He begged me to stay with him, going from talking to making it a public matter, trying to increase the pressure by trying to get me to give in through his games, which I didn't find funny at all, but which he tried to make funny to elicit empathy from others and coerce them into isolating me with him. But my lack of laughter, instead of my well-expressed anger, made it clear that they were out of line. In fact, it was understood in the office that they were trying to mistreat me. What finally broke the camel's back, the tragedy of my country, was when he once tried to prevent me from going to the office alone, when they weren't there. He made this up as a pretext, without any ulterior motive, simply because others weren't going—nothing binding. However, I pointed this out as a reason for suspicion, because I could have gone alone to do some work. It was clear that he was on his own and from then on, all he observed was an effort to try to prevent more conflicts, whatever it took, to prevent more things from exploding, because many were ready to explode, because many were already resentful.

Many of us were fed up with him and wanted him out of the picture so we could live our lives as we pleased, a right we had firmly established. He wasn't interested in following the rules; instead, he used them as an excuse to do whatever he wanted and make himself look good, at the expense of others, no matter what. He even manipulated reality for this purpose, his sole aim being to instill fear of escaping his clutches. This led to truly painful and intense experiences, because people, like me, reached the point of desperately trying to get out of there, by any means necessary, since he wouldn't let them be free. Knowing him was like making a real misfortune. Luckily, even his secretary is no longer with him, not at all. She had been wanting to leave for a long time, just like me. I was his inspiration for abandoning him, leaving him without support, under the pretext of the tragedy. The tragedy in my country served as an excuse to leave him, to make it seem like that man hadn't earned a single penny. Perhaps the other authorities questioned this, but not him, because after my warning, his name was flagged. After the tragedy, amidst the destruction, he searched online for support at the office, using ambiguous messages, voicemails, and the classic "how are you?" My first reaction was to stick to what the general coordination had said, as an excuse to stay put, to avoid his messages, to make it seem like I was always busy, and also to force him to take responsibility. He expected me to close the line, to not respond, applauding the idea that I would leave him on read, a last-minute betrayal. But he didn't find that; instead, he received my last-minute notification that I was unavailable. I always suspected him, and everything I said was always in the interest of anything he might say about me that could cast doubt on him. It must be acknowledged that under different circumstances and with a different person, I would surely have resorted to more drastic measures with him, and I knew this firsthand because whenever I pointed out something that might suggest something very wrong, he would get scared. He is subtle in establishing his boundaries, occupying spaces in a non-scandalous way that others feel he shouldn't, giving the impression that something is out of place, but nothing is actually said. In fact, it's worse to report him because it's something that can be temporarily abandoned, but he takes advantage of this to lower morale and keep people at the mercy of conflict, thus controlling them at the whim of what he says, supposedly to prevent it. He always lives with the desire for absolute control.

My effort with him was to destroy him from where he found the most protection: the office. It was from there that he took control and did whatever he wanted with other people. His reputation stemmed from the fear of jeopardizing others' futures, something he would never have done himself, but he exploited that prejudice.

I hate living. I want to kill myself right here and now. I have nothing to live for in this God-awful world. I am sick of having no motivation, no friends, no partner, and being ugly. I hate that my wrists are now tattered with scars and itchy bumps because of my germophobia and that I can’t stop washing my hands. I hate that I can’t be like normal people my age and leave the house to party and socialize because I don’t have the proper social skills. I hate having pcos because it makes me look unattractive and it’s ruining my life. So yeah. Fuck this world, I’m done.

confessions of a unused ambulance and fireman's station, it was a sex free for all botsex testing show. the clap was for the stds. HEADQUARTERS WAS A DICK NOB. Period movies were about menstral blood painted on faces of workmates we tied up.