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Hey everyone, I’m not usually one to air my personal stuff, but I really need some advice here. For the past few months, I’ve had this gut feeling that my wife might be cheating on me, and it's eating me alive. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but the signs are starting to pile up, and I’m just not sure what to do.

It all started when she began staying late at work more often. At first, I didn’t think much of it—she’s always been dedicated to her job. But then, she became super protective of her phone. She used to leave it lying around, but now she keeps it close and seems to be on it all the time, even at odd hours. And when I casually ask about her day, her answers feel...vague? Like she’s hiding something.

Then there are the little things. She started dressing up more than usual, even just to “run errands” or meet friends. It’s almost like she’s trying to impress someone. I’ve tried to brush it off, telling myself I’m being paranoid, but every time I bring it up, she gets defensive or says I’m just being insecure. It makes me feel like maybe I’m overthinking, but part of me feels like my concerns are valid.

To make things worse, I found a receipt for a fancy dinner that she said was a "work thing," but I know her company usually doesn’t do dinners like that. I keep second-guessing myself, and now I’m stuck in this loop of anxiety. I don’t want to accuse her without solid proof, but I also can’t keep living in this uncertainty.

So here I am, asking for advice. Has anyone else been through this? How do you confront someone you love without it turning into a huge fight? Should I even bring it up again, or am I just being paranoid? Any advice would be appreciated—I feel like I’m losing my mind here.

For the longest time, I’ve been stuck in this cycle of excuses. I’d wake up every morning telling myself I’d make changes, that today would be different, but by the time the day ended, I was back to square one. Whether it’s eating healthier, exercising, or even just cleaning my space, I keep putting it off. I’d tell myself, "I’ll start tomorrow," but tomorrow never seems to come.

Yesterday was my breaking point. I was scrolling through social media and saw an old friend post about running their first marathon. I remember how we used to run together, how much I loved it back then. And now? I can’t even jog up the stairs without feeling winded. It hit me like a ton of bricks—what am I even doing with my life? Why do I keep finding reasons to avoid what I know I need to do?

I looked around my apartment after that. Clothes piled up on the floor, dishes in the sink from who-knows-how-many days ago, and a gym membership card collecting dust on the counter. That’s when it finally clicked—it’s time to stop. It’s time to stop avoiding the hard stuff, time to stop pretending everything will fix itself, and time to stop being my own worst enemy.

I don’t have a perfect plan yet, and honestly, I’m scared I’ll slip back into my old habits. But I know I can’t keep going like this. If I don’t make a change now, when will I? Maybe writing this out will help me stay accountable. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re feeling stuck too, maybe it’s time to stop and take the first step. We’ve got this.

I've come to the harsh realization that perhaps, I'm not the nicest person around. In my mid-thirties, I find myself surrounded only by a single friend and a girlfriend, yet I can't shake the feeling that I'm somehow superior to others. My lifestyle is quite reclusive; I shy away from any social gatherings related to work, and most of my routine revolves around my job, hitting the gym, smoking weed, and cycling. Traveling and cycling in the forest are my escapes, the rare times I don't feel swamped by depression.

Interacting with people, especially in groups, is a daunting task for me. The fear of turning red-faced and being judged negatively is always lurking. Thus, I avoid such situations altogether. There's a worrisome intensity in the way I live; I indulge too often in alcohol or getting high, viewing people merely as elements that enhance my own existence. My eyes wander too freely, admiring every attractive woman I come across, often blatantly flirting in the presence of my girlfriend. Even though these thoughts are never vocalized, I often catch myself belittling others or feeling utter disdain towards them internally.

I confess to being a staunch atheist, holding a disdainful view towards those who are spiritually inclined, believing myself to be smarter, better-looking, and stronger. The resentment builds whenever I see someone possessing what I desire, although I manage to keep this anger bottled up within.

Dominating these emotions is a profound sense of isolation, mixed oddly with a perverse comfort in wallowing in my misery. Sometimes, hurting my own feelings seems like a twisted form of pleasure, perhaps because it means feeling something at all.

My family background does little to lighten my outlook. My brother lives with the dark shadow of being a murderer and a former heroin addict. My father was a violent man, devoid of emotions, who ultimately took his own life. My mother, afflicted by illness so severe that she has been bedridden since my childhood, sparks a guilt within me for not taking care of her. However, I've chosen a path of self-preservation as dedicating myself to her care would consume my own existence entirely.

This life I've crafted for myself is one I despise, yet a part of me feels I shouldn't. With a good education, a well-paying job, and an undeniable appeal to women, I should feel fulfilled. Instead, I’m left feeling empty and, frankly, disgusted with myself for sounding like a self-pitying fool. What the hell is wrong with me?

Despite my efforts not to belittle others overtly, the impression that people don’t like me is hard to shake off. Loneliness is a constant companion.

If I were to join a reality show, my character might be polarizing. Would the audience appreciate my brutally honest introspections, or would they be repelled by my self-confessed arrogance and emotional detachment? It's intriguing yet terrifying to ponder how my persona would unfold under the constant scrutiny of cameras and a public audience.

I chose the friendship stories category but yeah it's related to friendship, love, family, work... I am like that.

Got lots of love to give but no one wants to have it. They want the toxic ones.

I grew up in a very religious family where our faith has always guided our lives and choices. The teachings I’ve known my whole life tell me that being gay is wrong, and yet, I feel these undeniable attractions that make me question everything. I’ve tried to push it down, to change, to pray it away, but it’s always there, a part of me I can’t ignore.

I don’t know how to reconcile my beliefs with who I am. It feels like every day, I’m torn between two worlds: the expectations of my family and faith, and the reality of my own heart. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Is this something I can change, or should I even try? I’ve heard so many opinions, but deep down, I just want to know if I can truly be at peace with both my faith and myself.

If anyone has gone through something similar, or if you have advice, I’d really appreciate hearing from you. I feel so lost and alone in this struggle, and I just need someone to help me see a way through this.

hi,i m thirteen years old and i am a female i have been struggling with my mental health for a year or two now and it’s sort of on and off -for example: it will go away for a few weeks and then it all just comes back at once like a ton of bricks the main trigger is my severe eczema i have had this skin condition since i was a child and it hasn’t been the kindest to me but recently it has been appearing on my face allot worse than ever it has been oozing and crusting over a yellowish colour and i have been so upset i haven’t even left my room brushes my hair or done basic necessities properly for weeks even month i know its disgusting but its my life unfortunately i used to scream at my parents for opening my curtains because i couldn’t stand the sight of light someone even looking at my face would send me into panic attacks and meltdowns i have gotten over this a little but my fear of leaving the house hasn’t i haven’t left the house in weeks now i feel a burden to others all of my friends go out and have fun but i dont i would rather sit in my room i know there’s something wrong with me but i cant get my head round it ii dont feel real i feel like a ghost someone help me please what do i do.

I never thought I’d end up here, but here I am, dreading every single morning when my alarm goes off. I hate my job. There, I said it. I’ve tried to convince myself that it’s just a phase, that everyone feels like this sometimes, but it’s been almost a year, and nothing’s changed. If anything, it’s gotten worse.

The work itself isn’t even that bad. I mean, it’s not what I’m passionate about, but it’s tolerable. The real problem is the people. My boss is one of those micro-managers who has to be involved in every tiny detail. No matter what I do, it’s never good enough. I’ll spend hours on a project, only for them to nitpick and make me redo the whole thing for no real reason. It’s exhausting and makes me feel like all my effort is pointless.

Then there’s the office culture—or lack of it. Nobody talks to each other unless it’s about work. Lunch breaks feel like detention, with everyone silently eating at their desks or scrolling through their phones. I tried to make friends when I first started, but everyone already seemed to have their little cliques. After a while, I just gave up.

What really gets to me, though, is the constant pressure. It’s like they expect us to give 110% all the time, but they don’t give anything back. Overtime is practically mandatory, but don’t expect a “thank you” or even acknowledgment for staying late. And forget about a raise or promotion—that’s a pipe dream. It’s hard not to feel bitter when you’re working so hard and getting nothing in return.

I keep telling myself I should just quit, but it’s not that simple. I’ve got bills to pay, and the job market isn’t exactly booming right now. Plus, there’s this tiny voice in the back of my head that keeps asking, “What if the next job is just as bad—or worse?” It’s like I’m stuck in this cycle where I hate my job, but I’m too scared to leave.

Even at home, I can’t seem to escape it. I’m constantly checking emails or stressing about the next deadline. It’s like my job has taken over my entire life, and I don’t know how to take it back. My family keeps telling me to just hang in there, but they don’t understand how draining it is. By the end of the day, I’m too tired to even think about applying for other jobs, let alone pursuing something I actually enjoy.

Sometimes, I wonder if it’s me. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this kind of work. Or maybe I’m being ungrateful because at least I have a job. But then I think about how miserable I am, and I can’t help but feel like there has to be more to life than this. Doesn’t there?

If anyone else feels this way, I’d love to know how you’re coping—or if you’ve managed to get out, how did you do it? Right now, I just feel stuck, and honestly, it’s hard to see a way forward. All I know is, I can’t keep living like this. Something’s gotta give.

We are currently long distance as she had to move back home to take care of her sick mother. Two days ago, she suddenly began experiencing severe pains. At first, she thought it was particularly bad menstruation cramps and gas. It has continued getting worse, so it is clearly not normal. She's miserable, she can barely get out of bed. I've been begging her to ask her uncle to take her either to a doctor or hospital. She is against this idea, as she doesn't have a lot of money and will only go if she thinks she is dying. I think that whatever this is may well be that serious, but I can't convince her of that. I've promised her I would pay the bill myself, it doesn't matter. She's just not willing, at least not yet. I don't know how bad it will have to be.

I am scared. My mother was similarly stubborn about getting medical help, and it led to her dying from a lung infection that became sepsis. I watched my die on a ventilator because of something a few antibiotics would've solved if she had been treated before. I don't want something like that to happen to my girlfriend. She's the love of my life, the thought of her sick is troubling enough but I am scared she's going to die. She is in terrible pain. She says she's never been in this much pain before.

I don't know how to get her help. Her mother has also been encouraging her to see a doctor. She is as worried as I am.

I could count on one hand the amount I cried in my entire adult life, until this. I'm scared and I know she is too. I feel terrible that I'm not there for her, but due to a stupid drug related offense on my record from a decade ago, I cannot travel to her country.

I'm not religious but I've been praying. I don't even know what I'm praying to. I just want her to be okay. I want to see her smile again. I want to give her a hug. I hate that she's suffering like this. I hate that I can't change her mind.

The thought of something happening to her makes me sick.

I feel like I’m approving but not? Just very slowly.

And right now I think I’m more hostile? Like whenever I ask if my dad can make dinner (at 7pm) he’ll always say “uhmmmm” or not respond? It may seem not that big of a deal but after hearing that everyday for 5 years as a new teenager?? That’s gonna drive you insane! And then I have to figure out what to eat and look, and I feel he should be able to do this on his own??? ( he’s home all day doing nothing.) And then when I figure it out then he takes 20 minutes before actually starting to cook!! It may seem selfish or unreasonable but imagine yourself a new teenager with unstable hormones having to deal with unsure hums and no responses. And it’s also that I have no patience to repetition of verbal words!!! And often I’ve been just so annoyed with him talking to me since it feels wrong…? Like for 5 years you’ve could’ve done that but it’s too late now. Like I appreciate it but I don’t and it hurts.

But recently I’ve been working at my community center doing hours helping out playing with babies! It’s getting a bit annoying but every job is like that lol! And I’m still pushing by, by making these writings. And I went to the beach after work with my auntie and cousin, we went looking for crabs and found some but only baby ones. But it was really fun!! And we even ate some food at this new diner! And even if it was something small it made me feel wanted and appreciated??

LIKE COME ON

THERES THESE TWO KIDS IN MY ENGLISH CLASS MAKING OUT EVERY FUCKING DAY LIKE I DONT NEED TO SEE THAT

PETITION TO MAKE PDA ILLEGAL?!?!??!?! LIKE PLEASE

this is a joke btw, while I do hate seeing PDA people can do what they want lol idc

Yeah, the title kind of gives my story away but i wouldn’t know how to explain this in any other way than that. I’m male, 16 and currently go to college (which is normal where I’m from, don’t worry)

I haven’t had these feeling before I started college, I never liked another guy in any other way than just friends but ever since I’ve been passing by this art school besides my own school, I can’t help but feel a little weird in my stomach. You know that feeling when you see someone you like? It’s just that.

Everytime I look at these guys, I feel weird. I really feel weird. I’ve never found another man physically attractive in real life to a point where I’d just want to kiss him or get with him. It’s different online though.

I know it’s kind of wrong but I get off from looking at how other guys.. you know. It makes me feel a little disgusting and it’s not normal for guys to look at guys doing it. Most friends I know always talk about how they look at women while I’m just stuck here, looking at fucking men. Does that make me gay?

Or do my feelings for the emo guys from the other school make me gay? I need help. A part of me just want to like girls because everyone else does. I just want to feel like this is all normal and that I’m just straight

I'm way past the age where I can be an angsty, rebellious teen but my fucking god dude.

I've been dealing with their abuse for half my life - they neglected me as a child and basically threw whatever toy or game I wanted whenever I bothered them too much.

To most kids that sounds fun, but try not being able to even tell your parents you love them without them looking disgusted or dismissing you.

It got worse when I got older as well, as soon as I turned 18 they begun to take my fasfa money for college from my bank account and use it towards whatever they wanted. Bills? Clothes? Yep that's what it was going towards!

Eventually they even got mad at me once when I told them I'm gonna keep the money and they started demanding it as if it was their birthright to extort their only son.

It doesn't help that they basically ruined my childhood - I learned what sex was at like age 8...because of them. And I also got a knife pointed at me once by my own mother because I was being bratty.

It didn't help that they also verbally abused me, calling me stuff such as faggot, queer, loser, cunt, fuckface, etc.

This affected my childhood and teenhood by the way, I ended up being way more quiet because I was scared that if i did something wrong or said something wrong I'd get yelled at or beaten.

It got to the point where I'd actually go entire days without speaking because I was so scared of being punished.

And now that I'm no longer a minor, I can't do anything about them.

There were several times I regret not calling CPS when I was younger when they started beating me or yelling at me, or even doing cruel things such as locking me in my room, denying me access to the bathroom whenever I got a negative grade, etc.

I've been called a disappointment and mistake more times in my life then I can count - literally only cause I never met my parent's expectations or simply because I didn't see the same ideals they had.

I'm sick of it, I moved back in with them temporarily while I'm trying to save up to move out with my boyfriend. It's been a struggle to find a job since my parents refuse to network with me, refuse to help me in the slightest, and even gave me a deadline recently that I had 2 weeks to find a job or I need to sign up "for the service."

Like are you joking? In this economy? I've been applying for jobs for 3 months straight now what fucking makes you think I can just magically wave a wand and get a fucking job?

And I'll be real with you, since this anonymous. If I ever get forced to join the service I will deadass just hang myself or something.

It doesn't help that naturally, because of my upbringing, I've hid everything from them. Every relationship I've gone through, every breakup, every bit of character development I've had in the last few years they know nothing about.

So their vision of me is literally just a hermit that sits in a room all day playing games when that couldn't be fucking farther then the truth.

Anyways thanks for listening to me rant :3

Needed to get that off my chest considering I have nowhere else to really vent too...and boy does it feel good to finally air that shit out somewhere lmfao

why do people insist on being so cruel??? i swear, it's like they see someone enjoying their life and doing what makes them happy, and BOOM!! suddenly, they become their personal target board. i'm 17 and have always been a fan of Pokémon. it's like my haven, a place i escape to when the real world gets too insane to handle. catching Pokémon on my phone or swapping cards with friends is my way of destressing, yet all i get is judgment and mockery from the "cool" crowd at school. they just can't seem to comprehend the joy it brings me, so they mock what they don't understand. frankly, it's exhausting.

is it that hard for people to mind their own business?? everyone is always yapping about how young people should be free to express themselves but then turn around and bash us for the very choices we make! it's incredulous, really! collecting Pokémon cards might not be their thing, but why rain on someone's happiness parade??? what's the point in belittling others for their harmless passions??? i just can't wrap my head around it. life is complicated enough without people making it even worse by tossing judgmental comments around like confetti. it seems they'd rather wear masks of scorn than a simple smile of acceptance.

but even so, i'll keep my head high and continue loving my Pokémon world! it's not going anywhere, and neither am i. at the end of the day, it's not their approval i'm seeking!!! if anything, their constant negativity has only made me more resilient... i'll have you know that i've got a Charizard that could burn all naysayers to ash if it were real! and who knows?? someday they might realize the importance of being open-minded and accept that happiness comes in varied forms. for now, i'll let their words roll off my back like water off a Psyduck and stay hopeful for a more understanding future.

I don’t even know where to start. For as long as I can remember, there’s been this feeling deep inside me, a constant whisper that I’m not good enough. Every day, I ask myself, why do I hate myself so much? And every day, I come up empty. It’s like I’m stuck in this loop, and I can’t figure out how to break free.

The crazy part is, from the outside, you’d probably think my life is fine. I have a decent job, supportive friends, and a family that loves me. But none of that seems to matter when the voice in my head tells me over and over that I’m a failure. It’s not like I choose to feel this way—it’s just there, like a shadow I can’t escape.

For me, the self-hate started small. I’d beat myself up over little things, like saying something awkward in a conversation or getting a bad grade in school. Back then, I thought everyone did that. But over time, those thoughts got louder, and now it feels like they’re all I can hear. No matter what I do, I’m constantly second-guessing myself. Did I handle that situation right? Did I offend someone without realizing it? Am I even worth anyone’s time?

Social situations are the worst. I’ll be in a group, and instead of enjoying the moment, I’m obsessing over whether people actually like me. I’ll replay conversations in my head for days, analyzing every word I said and convincing myself I sounded stupid or needy. The worst part is, even when people tell me I’m fine or that I’m overthinking, I don’t believe them. It’s like my brain won’t let me accept anything positive about myself.

And don’t even get me started on my appearance. Some days, I can barely look in the mirror. I pick apart every flaw, every imperfection, and wonder how anyone could find me attractive. I know it’s unhealthy, but it feels impossible to stop. Social media doesn’t help either. I’ll scroll through Instagram and see all these perfect people with perfect lives, and it just makes me feel worse. I know it’s fake, but it still gets to me.

At work, it’s the same story. I could spend hours on a project, pouring everything I have into it, but as soon as I hand it in, all I can think about are the mistakes I might have made. Even when I get good feedback, it doesn’t stick. Instead, I focus on the one piece of criticism or the one thing I think I could’ve done better. It’s exhausting.

The thing is, I don’t even know where this self-hate comes from. I didn’t have a traumatic childhood. My parents were strict, sure, but they loved me and did their best. So why do I hate myself? Why can’t I shake this feeling that I’m not enough, no matter what I do?

I’ve tried all the usual advice—positive affirmations, journaling, even therapy. And while those things help in the moment, the feeling always comes back. It’s like there’s this wall between me and actually believing anything good about myself. I’ll write down things I’m proud of or things I’ve achieved, but they always feel small compared to the weight of everything I think I’ve failed at.

One of the hardest parts is how isolating it feels. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way—there are forums and articles and videos about it—but in my daily life, it’s hard to imagine anyone else struggling like this. Everyone around me seems so confident, so sure of themselves. Meanwhile, I’m over here just trying to make it through the day without falling apart.

Sometimes, I wonder if I’ll ever feel differently. Will there ever be a day where I wake up and don’t feel this weight on my chest? Or is this just who I am—a person who’s destined to hate themselves no matter what? I want to believe that things can change, but honestly, I don’t know how to get there.

If you’re reading this and you’ve felt the same way, I wish I had answers for you. I wish I could tell you how to stop feeling this way, but I’m still trying to figure it out myself. All I can say is, you’re not alone. And maybe that’s the first step—just admitting that we’re struggling and trying to find a way forward, even if it’s messy and imperfect.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but for now, I’m just trying to hold on to the hope that it doesn’t have to be like this forever. Maybe there’s a way to break free from this cycle. Maybe one day, I’ll look in the mirror and see someone worth loving. Until then, I’ll keep asking the question, why do I hate myself?—and maybe, just maybe, I’ll find an answer that helps me heal.

Im 15 and ever since I got into middle school, I thought by the end of it Ill have a bestfriend but no. I feel like every friend I make - by next year/grade we split up and no longer in contact. Right now I have friends, but I know so well once we arent in the same class, they'd forget my existence or if their other friends were in the same class they wouldnt be with me. I always feel like Im the one chasing everyone - chasing my friend or friends, just to not seem like Im excluding myself. Yet I still feel left out cause no one cares whether Im around or not. I reached a point where I feel like people my age no longer want meaningful, forever lasting friendships. I dont know if Its only in my class or school but I was supposed to change schools and I saw it as an opportunity that'll be able to meet new people and possibly find great friends or at least one, however things didnt work out and Im now stuck till the end of the semester. I just dont understand why am I always the last pick ? Im trying to be patient and hopeful but Im scared overtime Its gonna hurt me so much especially of how long the semester is going to be.

There was a moment, not too long ago. Its still stuck to me - during class, I was chatting with my friend and classmate. We were then told to pick partners and play with each other. My classmate and friend stood and walked away while I just sat there .. they didnt even look back at me or asked me to join them. I know it sounds like Im excluding myself but I swear Im trying to include myself by every chance I get but It just gets tiring. I might as well accept it. I didnt want to just sit there so I partnered up with my other friend (her friends didnt want to play). Anyways, after class I wanted to jokingly tell my (first) friend about it but I just thought it was unnecessary, maybe I was overthinking it and it wasnt that serious.

I dont know who to talk to anymore. My mom never tries to understated me, she just shames me and calls me names. When I do talk to her, she just sees me as a pity and calls me emotional - sensitive everytime I cry. I feel like I can no longer cry anymore, like rarely. I just cant, especially infront of my mom.

I hate feeling this negative but those are just some of my thoughts. I just want someone loving, caring and understanding in my life. I dont want to rely on myself my entire life. It gets lonely.

I wasn't exactly sure what category to put this story in. I'm not exactly dating these people, and the reasons for that are super complicated.

My ex, Gunner, made me feel horrible. He said he couldn't date me because of my multiple personalities, which I get, I have mood swings, but I'm pretty sure what he was experiencing was just emotions. And also because I was adopted, I was "taken out of my natural habitat and who knows what I'd do." Which was said by Gunner's mother. Me and Gunner had only been dating for a week. I had to watch him date another pretty girl, who he stayed with longer than me. Me and Gunner only lasted a week, but we'd been talking for a month. After they'd broken up, she had a similar experience, saying he was extremely racist to her, and didn't want to be with her because her anxiety was something he couldn't "handle".

I sometimes wonder if maybe it is me who is doing something wrong. I know Gunner and me just weren't meant for each other, and I know something is wrong with him because I talked to Valeria (His ex). Gunner went around saying I was a bad kisser, which I know for a fact isn't true. He just needed something to around talking about, even though he'd broken up with me because of my background...? He's not fooling anyone.

A few months ago, I was talking to this boy named Jeremiah. We were good friends before we started talking, and my sister is the one who decided I should try to get with him. We'd only been talking a week before he ghosted me, and stopped talking to me. I heard from my sister, who promised that Jerry wasn't going to be like my ex, he said he "just wasn't feeling it."

We were talking today in pottery, when he told me that he thought I hated him. The way I heal is: I totally ignore the person while I cry and be sad over them. That's just how I am. Yeah, I see that as a red flag, but I can't help caring for someone I think cares for me too.

He told me today that I wanted to have a friends with benefits situation, and his friend Ethan started yapping about it, and telling Jerry how good of an idea it was. I just sat there. I know he's just going to use me with this whole benefits thing. And the reason I say "use me" is because that's what he's doing.

I had just gotten out of talking to someone, which only lasted a week. Wow, are you guys surprised? What's the pattern here? Hmm...

This guy's name is Tanner. Tanner and I have known each other since the seventh grade. He told me he's liked me since last year, but then just on Saturday, told me he's lost feelings for me. Okay, but how do you lose feelings that fast? It was clearly lust, not love. And he's been waiting to do stuff with me for a year, it's obvious. At first, I was so happy he liked me! Then, I heard the stories of him getting with girls, and as soon as he got what he wanted, ghosting them. Did I listen? No. I gave him what he wanted... I'm sure you can image what I mean. And, he ended up leaving anyways. Then, to make matters worse, I saw him, the next day, with his hand between Cory's thigh. Holding her hand in the halls, looking at her like he looked at me. Like he really likes her. Like he really liked me.

So, when I say that Jerry is using me, it's because of what happened with Tanner. Literally a month ago, this boy whom I really liked, we "did it" but I'd only done it because I really like him, and I thought, if I did it, he would like me too. But, he didn't. It was really sad, because like everyone else, he ended up ghosting me too. Guess how long we'd been talking! A WEEK!!!

So, remember when I said it must be me who's doing something wrong? That's because of things like this! It must be my fault! I was talking to Jerry today, and he said Tanner broke things off because I'm too nice.

Guys, my love language is physical touch, and gifts. Tanner told me he didn't like me anymore, according to Jerry, because I'm too nice. I'm too nice? What? That's ridiculous. I know I can trust this source because him and Tanner are best friends.

Oh, and also, when Jerry was talking about that dumb friends with benefits thing, he said that if it did happen, he couldn't tell anyone, and that it is supposed to be secret. So, wait, he wants to do it with me, but I'm not allowed to talk about it?

It just shows he's literally ashamed to be with me.

All of this has been hurting my mental health. It's coming to a point where I feel kind of insane? And it's not like I'm doing it on purpose, I just really don't know if I can handle my heart being messed around with. It's only been a couple weeks that this has happened to me. I hate going around from guy to guy, but I'm also tired of being played.

That's not even the worst part about this.

I can't even tell anyone about this, which is why I'm glad there are sites like these...

So, we all know - lots of teens have Snap chat. I've been talking to this guy on snap, who actually just recently told me his age today. I guess it's kinda creepy because all along I've thought he was my age. He told me he was going to buy me a bunch of stuff, and that he loved me, and that we were going to get married.

Okay, so what's the problem, just block him! RIght?

Right.

I wish I could say that it was actually that simple. It weird. I know he's mentally ill, because he's 39 and I'm 15. But I just can't ignore him. It's not hurting me to say goodmorning to him, right? And besides, he listens to me. It's not like he's asked for my address, or for me to send to him, so he's not harmful. And although its really weird, and you guys probably think it's gross, its not like he's grooming me, right? And, sadly, I really like the attention. It would never work, because he's like 23 years older than me, but it's kinda nice he's the only person who hasn't made fun of me for being, well, me.

And I know he says I'm his fiance, and he'd do anything for me, and he wants to come see me in June... but I can't let him go. I do that, and I'm just as bad as all the guys at my school who are trying to ghost me. Why can't we just find people who like me for me? Who want to be with me? I want someone who wants to be with me, all the time. Who can't stand to be with out me. Who likes to hang out with me, who will let me braid their hair, laugh with them, has jokes, good style, can help me with my homework. Someone who won't leave just because, I have a good butt (Which was said by my friend Daryl who just wants to do me too) or because they just weren't feeling me, or because I'm adopted or well...

Because I'm too nice.

You see, cuz my parents are getting tired of me. They don't really care what I do anymore. But it's sad, because at these moments all I need is my mama. We found out that she might have cancer. I don't know if I'm glad, or if I'm scared. Why would I be glad? Because I was almost taken from her because of abuse. So why do I want her? Where was my bio mama when I needed her? Lynda was there for me, not Dominique. I've started taking pills again, sleeping more, smoking, eating less. I actually hate sulking around all the time and hating life. But, when you've been spit out and thrown away like a wad of ABC gum, I can't held but feel how other people treat me. And I wonder, does Cory even see how she looks? Getting with someone who does things with girls and then dips?

Or maybe she's blinded by love, like me.

Well, I'm rambling now. But you all get the point.

So what do I mean it's going to be the last?

The last time I ever said I love you ever again.

Because no one ever deserves my love.

And no one ever will.

I love this guy so much. I love him so much that I wish he would understand that it's torture to be left in the dark about how he feels. We got into a situation where I was honestly being very emotional and hysterical for no good reason. I asked him if he would ever tell me if he had an issue with me or anything that he ever wanted to talk about so that I wouldn't spiral so badly again and he told me that he would never. I was shocked to say the least. It's important for me that there is communication in a relationship and I feel like we have awesome conversations when we are just talking, but we can never sit down and have a conversation about anything important. He internalizes a lot of things and I feel very cautious of what I say around him because he remembers very little comments and brings them up when we fight about anything. I match his energy and I keep things to myself and when I eventually explode and have horrible reactions he either just brushes off my emotions with "ugh men" or he talks about how he could've never known I felt that way and that I should talk instead of keep things to myself, when he is the worst at doing that. He makes me feel like I'm insane or dramatic and he often calls me dramatic, but I don't know if I really am or if I'm normal? We have both had bad experiences with dating in the past, so of course we're gonna have our baggage, but I really want this to work. He recently has talked about moving back to his home state with his mom and how he wants to get a one bedroom apartment and I was afraid that he meant alone and my emotions are clear on my face usually so he saw and he told me that of course he meant with me, but I really feel like I can't trust anything he tells me. He is very good at putting up a facade, it's kind of chilling how he can do that honestly because one day he was talking to an old friend and being very chill and laughing with them and immediately after that he just straight up cut them off entirely. He had reasons why he did that and I understood that he felt uncomfortable with that friend for a long time, but it put a big fear in my heart that I would wake up and he would just be gone one day. How would I even explain that to people? I have been through something similar with an ex that I had in high school where we stopped talking and he broke up with me and blocked me. I feel like this is worse though because I am not even sure if he would TELL me before just straight up blocking me.

Why is my laptop being weird 😔 it's like someone is watching me I'm just scared that they might do something stupid it's like they just wanna see me like wth and and am I just paranoid but why do they wanna see me and do stupid sht to my laptop but whenever I double check they dont do anything it's like they just want to watch me talk on cam. Ugghhhhhhh.

I'm not able to see my dad for like a few weeks or something, and my older brother is supposed to be taking care of me while he's gone, but every single day is just the WORST when he's around me. He always yells, shoves me around, hits and punches me and even pushed me down a flight of stairs. It's just the same stuff all day long. It's always over the dumbest stuff imaginable too, like why did you punch me cos I was hungry at night?? Do keep in mind that I was hungry cos he barely feeds me. I've tried to be nice and get along with him so many times, but he always laughs at me or just bullies me. I literally never did anything to him?? Anytime I've been 'rude' or negative or whatever, it's in response to him being mean to me. I'm so damn tired of all of this, but I'm too scared to say anything; my dad thinks we just bicker about unimportant stuff. It's 12am, and he's got his tv on really loud just cos he knows it stresses me out. I'm sick and trying to sleep, but he won't let me. I'm just so tired.

codenames: Baguette (boy best friend), Circle (his girlfriend)

I know she hates me. My boy best friend's girlfriend. Maybe thats why hes spending time with her today. but he did say that he'd call didnt he?

i've been friends with baguette since near a whole year consecutively, and before that i was friends with him for half a year before we fell apart. but we did get back together and we are very close. i would consider him one of my best friends, i dont know what he thinks of me. he recently reassured me that he would not "break up" with me as friends if circle told him to. who believes that... he also said that circle doesnt mind that he hangs out with girls and that she said "you can hang out with whoever you want, boy or girl." WHO BELIEVES THAT? who wouldnt be jealous when the boyfriend theyve had a crush on since 7 years ago finally got with them and then talks to another chopped girl more than he talks with them? i agree with my friend who says i act like his girlfriend more than his girlfriend, from his side, he talks to me more than he talks to her. baguette usually calls me the first thing after he gets home, or at least texts. he felt bad when i was sad one random day, asking me so desperately how he could help. he asks me if i hated him so many times as if it really mattered to him. he asked me if i would be sad if he died. of course i would. i would cry my eyes out. he really means so much to me and i wish i could explain that to him. did i mention how i used to have a crush on him before we became friends? well i dont anymore. ive tried my best to get rid of all my feelings in that way. i really tried to hard and i believe i have succeeded. but sometimes when he doesnt text me or when he leaves me on seen i feel worthless. i sometimes ask him, am i boring, why are you friends with me, stuff like that, and he responds with something slightly reassuring. but its not the most reassuring, because i always feel like he's lying. i've been seen with him around campus quite a bit lately, over call he would ask me to come with him somewhere after school or meet somewhere to go help with schoolwork, and i always help him. maybe a bit too much, but...i just want him to keep being my friend. and im scared that if i dont do those things i lose my value as a friend to him and...he wouldnt talk to me anymore..and i dont want that. i dont know why, he somehow manages to make me smile when i am at my downest time, but of course he isnt there 24/7 so he cant ALWAYS be there.. but when he is he makes me smile, always, whether by being cute-stupid or telling a dumb joke i feel like it's always so lightening.. but he has other friends too..i need to remember that..am i being obsessive? am i too much? am i annoying?

now back to the part relating his girlfriend. she acts nice towards me but i dont think she likes me at all, and i completely understand her. i wouldnt like me either.

these days i felt alone and i feel like im the worst friend ever. im sure this problem can be settled asap if i choose to dm each of them and ask personally but im too scared.. also, this kind of thing happened before. you can say im quite tired when im always the first one to reach everyone and they cant do the same for me. idk how to tell my stories but it is actually stupid but im sad when i realized none of them choose to comfort me when everyone literally throwing hate on me and even called me ugly. idk if i should cut off with them or try to dm them when ive been hurting many times :(

I used to think hard work and performance actually meant something, but now? I give up. Every day at my job, it’s less about who does the best work and more about who checks the right boxes. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I’m just showing up, doing my best, and watching people get ahead for reasons that have nothing to do with skill or effort. At first, I tried to ignore it. I thought, Okay, just focus on your own progress, keep your head down, and things will even out. But they don’t. Instead of real career development, all we get is more “woke” initiatives, endless diversity trainings, and company-wide emails patting themselves on the back for promoting people based on identity instead of talent. Don’t get me wrong—I believe in fairness, equal chances, all that. But that’s not what this is. It’s not about fairness; it’s about looking good on paper. I’ve watched coworkers bust their ass for years, only to get passed over for someone less experienced because “we need more representation in leadership.” It’s like performance doesn’t matter anymore—just optics. And it’s exhausting pretending it doesn’t get to me.

I’ve worked so hard to get where I am, but lately, I’m asking myself why? If the promotions, raises, and recognition are going to people based on factors completely outside of their work, then what’s the point? Every meeting feels like another round of performative nonsense. We can’t even talk about improving sales or efficiency without someone throwing in a forced social angle, as if productivity is suddenly a dirty word. And don’t even get me started on the “optional” events that aren’t really optional—if you don’t attend the latest DEI seminar or pride workshop, you’re suddenly not a “team player.” Meanwhile, the actual job we’re here to do keeps getting harder, expectations keep rising, and the only thing that isn’t improving is the people actually running things. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this new version of the workplace, but at this point, I don’t care anymore. I’ve seen what gets rewarded and what doesn’t, and it’s clear that playing fair isn’t the way to win. So yeah—I give up. Not because I can’t keep up, but because I’m tired of pretending this system makes any sense.

So recently my 2 friends have been having drama problems or whatever you want to call it, one is just acting quite and struggling mentally which I get (we will call them B) the other one is kinda all over the place, has anger issues and as my mom says " attention seeker" and " starts drama" (we will call them P) lately they have had "issues" B has been more quiet and distant from P and P has been rude, ignoring B and just weird and toxic. B has vented to me and P has, I tried to give advice to P but they got all mad when I told them they ignore people to sometimes. They got all pissed and said "I only ignore people who ignore me" and they walked off saying "I'm done with people" I've dealt with their drama for awhile and honestly I was done. If I'm being honest nobody actually likes P like literally me and a friend (M) we're in PE outside and just venting to each other about how ridiculous P is and how they need to grow tf up and stay out of people's relationships and stop making things Abt them 23/7 like literally. And yes ik everyone struggles and maybe I'm getting the wrong idea but after awhile u start to see and notice peoples true colors and for P I have, I'm no longer friends with them or associating my self with them cuz they have done too much and I'm sick of caring for them when they don't give a crap and get all pissed at someone who wants to help and care for them. I hope p doesn't come crawling back because all I'ma do is say "Maybe you should grow up for once and maybe, MAYBE you will get somewhere in life." But for now I'm enjoying life and hanging with B now! I forgot how much fun they are and how much I missed hanging with them before P and their other friends came around. I just hope things get better and I hope P grows up because we are about to go into highschool and I can promise you nobody is going to like her btching around 24/7

i just feel so terrible rn. not physically, but mentally and emotionally. i overstimulated myself so much that i can’t even do anything like i used to. i can’t focus on classes much, while assignments are piling up on me. i can’t even get over the horror film i saw last night, and ai hate is getting more and more terrible each day. and if that wasn’t enough, my sprained foot hurts me sometimes.

all that while i wonder to myself: “am i just taking too many steps back?” i thought that i was improving, but i can’t even take a long, loooong break from everything. it just hurts. i want everything to stop.

sorry if all of this is word soup. i couldn’t take it anymore.

honestly, i don't even know where to begin with my sister. i'm nineteen and should probably be focusing on college or whatever, but instead, i'm dealing with her constant need to one-up me. it's like a never-ending game of "who's better?" honestly, who has time for that? everything has to be a competition with her. i'm talking grades, the affection from our folks, clothes, friends—literally everything. it's like she's trying to live my life for me. i wish she'd get the memo that i'm not interested in playing along in this rivalry she's invented in her own mind.

growing up, you'd think having a sibling would be this fun and supportive experience, but man, it really hasn't been. when we'd get our report cards, you could feel the tension in the room. i remember once she smugly said, "looks like i beat you again," as if life is some kind of scoreboard. and it doesn't stop there. when it comes to our parents, she acts like we're vying for the last cookie in the jar. it's exhausting and frankly, it's starting to wear me down. who knew feeling like a second fiddle in your own family could be so draining?

and don't even get me started on the dating scene. 🙄 i get it, sisters talk about boyfriends, but when it comes to her, every conversation feels like an interrogation. if i mention a guy, she immediately needs to know every detail: his looks, his grades, his interests—and heaven forbid if he's remotely better than anyone she's dated before. "oh, so he's into sports? my boyfriend can bench twice his weight," she'd say. sometimes, i wonder if she even likes people or just collects them like trophies to parade around. it makes me question her motives and, not gonna lie, it's kinda sad to make everything so transactional.

so yeah, i can't help but sometimes think wouldn't life just be a little bit nicer if we weren't always at war with each other? i'm sure other people deal with sibling rivalry, but this constant competition leaves a bad taste in my mouth. maybe one of these days, i'll tell her how i really feel, but then again, would she even listen? or would she just see it as another chance to win some imaginary race? makes you think if it's really worth the trouble or if this is something i'm just gonna have to learn to live with. is it possible to have peace when every moment around her feels like an uphill battle? guess i'll just have to wait and see.

PS. This isn't techically a "school story". The category options are annoyingly specific so I just chose a random one..

I have less than two years before I graduate highschool and I still don't know which university to apply to. Everytime I think of the future I get anxious. I don't even know if I'm gonna get the types of jobs I planned for and I haven't gotten other options. Then there's my mental health. I fear whatever mental issue I'm dealing with is gonna worsen in adulthood and I'm still too terrified to get a therapist. I can't tell my friends about my fear cause they won't understand (I told them once on Snapchat and one of them straight up told me to "stop bitching about it and just go do something". I just deleted the messages and cried.)

I'm also not yet comfortable telling my parents. (I wanna tell mom but she's pissed right now and I'm scared to go downstairs cause It'll be awkward.)

Part of me wants to just end it so I don't embarrass myself in the future.

I don't wanna see the comments honestly I'm just venting for no reason.

thank-you for all of these nice comments i have started healing myself naturally i am slowly getting better each day and my skin is improving allot i am in CBT which is cognitive behavioural therapy, i have been in this for a while but my sessions happen at school which i haven’t attended in a while but im hoping i can work my way to getting back on that path but seriously thank you for your advice and support i appreciate this so much🫶

I hate being self aware. I already know all the answers to my problems, how to improve it, and what is holding me back. All I want is someone who makes me feel safe to share my problems with. However, my country is a place where mental illness is a taboo and a joke. I wish someone would tell me something I don't know about myself lol.

I wrote a post here a couple of days ago because I was struggling with my own feelings towards my bestfriend. Quite a few people made some helpful comments and suggestions with im grateful for.

i decided to write some more in this post to clarify some things and hopefully get some more advice. this weird in between “situationship” (i hate that word) has been going on now for just under a year. over the course of this time it’s been a bit on and off, and we’ve butted heads and had conflict as you could probably assume. we’ve had the conversation of “what is this” quite a few times, but that was mainly in the beginning, when things were the most turbulent and confusing. the consensus of those conversations though, were that i wanted more, and that he wanted more too, but due to a past relationship he had he was wary because of distance.

i don’t mind how things are now. i’m not exactly pursuing a relationship currently, id be fine if i ended up in one, but it’s not my main focus.

i guess my problem is, i feel like i don’t know where at all i stand with him. and he makes it extremely difficult to ask, well atleast he has made it difficult in the past. so i wouldn’t even know how to approach it now.

any thoughts and advice are appreciated :)

Hiii! Im Ava, i’m a teenager (not saying age) and i struggle with S/A and bullying. I pretend to be happy when in reality i have lots of scars/cuts from my self harm addiction. Sometimes i starve myself. Even though my parents know i do it they don’t care and think i just want attention. I cry a lot yet they still don’t care. One time they beat me for trying to kill myself…

I felt so uncomfortable when my mum wanted to know about my dad, like I'm some sort of a private detective for her. She could ask it herself to him. Like if my grandparents (dad side) wanted to buy a car she asked me instead of him. She shushed me when i was too loud it was weird. I've also felt a bit disgusted lately, I can't let go how she whispers to my ear about my dad. Idk it just makes me feel uncomfortable remembering that and reminding myself of that.

Okay, so I really don’t know what to do right now. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for like, almost a year, and it’s been good, i guess? But lately, I keep asking myself this one question over and over: Should I break up with my boyfriend? And the fact that I’m even asking that makes me feel terrible because it’s not like he’s done something super wrong or anything. It’s just... ugh, I don’t even know how to explain it.

First of all, he’s not a bad guy or whatever. Like, he’s super sweet sometimes, and when we first started dating, he’d do all these cute things, like sending me good morning texts or surprising me with snacks during lunch. But now? It’s like he’s stopped trying. He doesn’t text me first anymore, barely even asks how I’m doing, and when we hang out, he’s always on his phone playing stupid games. It’s like I’m not even there half the time. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he just says, “I’m busy” or “I didn’t know it was a big deal.” Like, hello?? I’m your girlfriend. Shouldn’t you care how i feel?

Then there’s the whole jealousy thing. He gets SO jealous over the dumbest stuff. Like last week, I was just talking to one of my guy friends at school—literally just talking—and later, he was all moody and weird about it. He kept saying stuff like, “Why were you laughing so much with him?” and “You don’t act like that around me anymore.” Like, excuse me? I can have friends! It’s so exhausting trying to constantly reassure him that I’m not cheating or whatever.

But at the same time, I feel bad even thinking about breaking up because I know he cares about me. Like, he’s the type of guy who would defend me if someone was being mean or walk me home if it’s late. And there are moments where I still feel like he loves me, you know? Like, the other day, he randomly brought me coffee because I had a bad day at school. Stuff like that makes me think maybe I’m just overthinking all this and being too harsh on him. But then, the next day, he’ll do something that makes me so frustrated, and I’m right back to wondering if I should break up with him.

It doesn’t help that everyone around me seems to have an opinion. My best friend keeps telling me I deserve better and that if he’s making me feel like this, then I should just end it. But then some of my other friends are like, “Relationships have ups and downs, and you just have to work through them.” So which one is it? Am I supposed to just stick it out and hope it gets better, or is this a sign that it’s time to let go?

Oh, and my parents don’t even like him. They think he’s “too immature” and that I could be focusing on school instead of dealing with boyfriend drama. And honestly? Sometimes I think they might be right. I feel like I spend more time stressing about this relationship than actually enjoying it. But does that mean I should break up with him? Or does every couple go through stuff like this?

The thing is, I do care about him. I really do. But I also feel like I’m losing myself a little bit in this relationship. Like, I used to hang out with my friends all the time and do fun stuff after school, but now it’s like everything revolves around him. If he’s in a bad mood, it ruins my whole day. If he’s happy, I feel like I can finally relax. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know if that’s normal or if I’m just stuck in something unhealthy.

Ugh, I feel like I’m rambling, but I seriously don’t know what to do. Part of me is scared to break up with him because what if I regret it? What if I realize I made a huge mistake, and by then, it’s too late? But then the other part of me is like, what if staying with him means I keep feeling this way? I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I wasted all this time on someone who doesn’t make me happy.

If you’ve ever felt like this, please tell me what you did. Did you break up, or did you try to work things out? How do you even know if it’s time to end things? Right now, I just feel so confused and stuck. I mean, I like him, but do I like him enough to keep dealing with all this? And if I’m already asking myself, “Should I break up with my boyfriend?” does that mean deep down I already know the answer?

As a father of four kids, you’d think I’d have the patience of a saint by now, but that’s just not the case. The tiniest things set me off, and I hate the way it feels. I love my family more than anything, but there are days when I catch myself snapping over something completely ridiculous and wonder what’s wrong with me.

Take last night, for example. Dinner time at our house is always chaotic. Plates clatter, someone spills their drink, and there’s a constant battle over who gets the last roll. It’s the usual stuff, and I know it’s part of having a big family, but when my youngest accidentally knocked over the salt shaker for the third time in a week, I lost it. I raised my voice, and the look on her face—pure shock—hit me like a punch to the gut. It was just salt. Why couldn’t I just laugh it off like my wife did? Instead, I made her feel bad for a mistake that didn’t matter.

This kind of thing happens all the time. It’s not the big issues that get to me—it’s the little, everyday stuff. Toys left in the hallway, a sock that doesn’t have a match, a crayon mark on the wall... all of it feels like tiny needles poking at me until I can’t hold it in anymore. And when I snap, I immediately regret it. I see the way my kids look at me, the way my wife sighs and shakes her head, and I know I’m the one in the wrong.

I’ve been trying to figure out where this anger is coming from. It’s not like I want to feel this way. I don’t wake up thinking, Gee, I can’t wait to get annoyed at the world today. But by the time the day’s over, I’m worn out. Between work, bills, chores, and keeping up with four kids, it’s like my patience tank runs dry way too fast. It doesn’t take much to set me off after that.

I think part of it is the pressure I put on myself to keep everything together. I want to be a good dad, a good husband, and someone my family can rely on. But when things don’t go the way I expect—when the house is messy, or the kids are fighting, or dinner gets burned—it feels like I’m failing. And instead of dealing with that feeling, I let it boil over into anger.

Another part of it is how I grew up. My dad was the same way. He’d get angry over the smallest things—a shoe left out of place, a door left open, the TV being too loud. Back then, I swore I’d never be like that, but here I am, falling into the same patterns. Maybe it’s something I picked up without realizing it, but that doesn’t make it okay. I don’t want my kids to remember me as the dad who yelled over spilled milk.

I’ve started trying to be more aware of my triggers. Like, when I feel that frustration bubbling up, I try to pause and ask myself, Is this really worth getting upset over? Sometimes it works, but other times, it’s like the anger is faster than my logic. I know I need to find better ways to cope, but it’s hard to break a habit that feels so ingrained.

My wife has been incredibly patient through all of this. She’s the calm one in the family, the one who can laugh off the chaos and remind me to do the same. The other day, after I got upset about a broken remote control, she pulled me aside and said, “You don’t have to carry everything on your shoulders, you know. It’s okay if things aren’t perfect.” I know she’s right, but letting go of that control is easier said than done.

The hardest part is the guilt. After I’ve calmed down, I think about how my kids must see me in those moments, and it breaks my heart. I don’t want them to feel like they’re walking on eggshells around me. I want them to feel safe, to know that mistakes are okay and that their dad loves them no matter what. But when I let my anger take over, I’m sending the opposite message.

If you’re reading this and you’ve felt the same way, I want you to know you’re not alone. Being a parent is hard, and we’re all just trying to do the best we can. But I also know that getting angry over little things isn’t fair—to ourselves or to the people we love. It’s something I’m working on every day, and if you’re struggling with it too, maybe we can figure it out together.

I don’t have all the answers yet, but I know this: I don’t want to keep asking myself, why do I get so angry over little things? I want to find a way to let go, to focus on what really matters, and to be the kind of dad my kids can look up to. It’s not going to happen overnight, but I think acknowledging the problem is the first step.

Here’s hoping the next time the salt shaker falls, I can just laugh it off and keep going. Because in the end, it’s not about the salt—it’s about the love and chaos that comes with being part of a big, messy, wonderful family.

Do I want him, or do I simply just yearn for the feeling of being loved by somebody? Am I simply just bored, suddenly craving the attention of someone else while still having the full attention of him? I am a horrible person. I am undeserving of being loved; I do not have the capacity to be loved for anything but my measly little body. My frail feelings have me running in circles, eager to figure out... what is wrong with me? Why am I like this? I am undeserving of love. I see why nobody ever wishes to have me.

I'm struggling so much I have a boyfriend. A boyfriend of 1.5 years, and I have no idea at all if I still have romantic feelings for him. I always want the best for him, and I truly do want to see him succeed in life, but I just don't know if I love him anymore in that way. I've begged for months on end just for him to listen. to understand how I feel. He doesn't get it. He only wants to change when I'm beginning to slip from his grasp, and it's the worst feeling in the world. Only now that I'm starting to lose my care factor, he wants to fix the issue I've had for a YEAR. It feels so horrible. To add to that, my guy best friend is being really weird .. like oddly affectionate. It has me feeling ... confused? causing my struggle to worsen, even? And not only that, but he has been borderline encouraging me to leave my boyfriend.

I'm so confused .. lost, even. I don't know what to do with myself. It doesn't help I'm struggling with severe depression (5 years, ongoing).

So around last December, me and a friend were sitting around a fire and the fire wouldn't stay lit so we decided to go to a bar. Well, I didn't feel like changing clothes bc I was comfortable, and it was cold asf. So I went out wearing my plush pajama pants and a Columbia fleece jacket which probably wasnt the best idea😂 well we got too the bar and we were playing pool and my buddy bumped into this dude behind us, and when he did it made the guy miss his shot. So the dude was not happy at all he turned around and pushed my buddy. So being the friend that I am I walked up and pushed this guy too the ground, and when I did one of his buddies came up behind me and uppercutted and grabbed and was squeezing tff out of my balls all at the same time. Until I went to my knees and when I got down to his level I remember him saying in my ear while still squeezing and twisting my balls "oh your boys are nice and fuzzy".Which i mean the pants are soft asff but there were so many people around. Including girls lol that heard that, and it was humiliating. I couldn't do anything but hold my inner thigh and hoped he let go. Well, it went on for about 30 more seconds. That's when i felt something pop and he let go. I instantly got to my feet, limping but walking. My buddy helped me walk out of the bar. I remember being sore and not being able to close my legs for a week. My gf still doesn't know about anything when she asked me what was wrong. I just told her I rolled my ankle bc she kept asking why I was limping. What would be a good way to tell her about this embarrassing situation?

I can’t sleep. Why bother…? Y’know I can just… count sheep… one sheep… two sheep… three sheep… four.. sheep… god, I’m too tired to think of numbers. Atleast it made me sleepier, but… my storming thoughts aren’t gone yet. I think my girlfriend hates me. I’m not quite sure why I made this type of assumption… she sounds like she does. We argue almost daily about the smallest things… if I break up with her… then I might feel extremely miserable. I mean… I would like to, but… what about everything she has done for me…? I can’t let that slide at all… I want to cry, but I’m to tired… let’s just close our eyes and think of something else instead of… crying.

I don't get why u need to test people in relationships/ potential if they " cheated" there mere fact the relationship did not even started yet all the "tests" proves that you don't have trust to your potential mate. Lol .

I’m so embarrassed!!! And I feel like this is the end of everything!!!

Oh my god!! What is wrong with me! And I feel so bad!! So so sorry!!

Ok, getting to the point now. So little context here. I’m leaving for grad school in like 3 weeks. That’s it. 1,2,3, gone. And this last couple months has been a little hard. I’ve really tried to keep it under wraps, but it ALL came spilling out last night. Anyway, my boyfriend of 3 years is going on a trip. He goes on this trip every year to the same place with his dad and his brother. They plan for it for around the same time every year. But in turn for this one trip, my boyfriend must sacrifice any future time off. More context, I’ve been planning a trip right before I leave. Not even a full week, just 4-5 days. And I know from the past that if I ask I’ll be told no. So I didn’t really tell him I wanted him to come. But I do. I had this unrealistic expectation that he would not go fishing one year so he could come on a trip with me since he knows we don’t have a lot of time together left. And it’s a lot to ask of someone, so I kept it to myself. But all this week he’s been working extra long hours to compensate for leaving. And I made sure to be at the house every night so we could see each other a little before he leaves, but it was more like he would get home super late, eat dinner, we’d chat about our day for an hour, and he’d go to sleep. And of course he put off packing until the last day. I had had a long day, so I decide I want to have a drink chillax and read a book while I waited. I grab one, and I didn’t realize that I was so dehydrated that two drinks and I was drunk. Which isn’t normally that big of a deal. But he’d been packing for 2 hours and I was spinning and thinking of all the things that have happened this year- graduated college, moved in with boyfriend, went through 3 different jobs, best friend moved away, parents divorced, and all the little things throughout the week, and I had a panic attack. I was overwhelmed and drunk. And I feel so bad cause he had to comfort me, but he should have been packing and I was just a problem, and he probably is so annoyed and is questioning everything, cause everything came out! All my emotions and just all the build up and maybe I wanted a little bit of attention, cause there had been so little this whole week and there won’t be any next week, but it was the totally wrong way to go about it. I wasn’t planning on getting that intoxicated, but I didn’t do a very good job at monitoring myself either. Anyway, there were a lot of tears, some falling over, just an overall hot mess. And I told him all the things I was feeling- just everything! In no coherent order or way! And I feel so bad, cause it was such a asshole move of me!

Anyway, that’s my rant. I feel bad, and now I’m hung over and my boyfriend is probably glad to have some distance from me.

My friend (Roe) has recently got a girlfriend, they just started dating about a month ago. Him and I have always been really close since we met and talked almost everyday but recently he's been spending more time with her which is expected. There are some things he does though that is making me really mad and I just want to know if I'm crazy for being mad. When she (his gf) is at work or somewhere not at home the two of us will hangout and play games like we have for a while, but its becoming a thing that as soon as she gets home he disappears. We will be in the middle of a game or even just talking and he will just leave without saying anything. I tend to overthink a lot in general so I'm not sure if I should bring up how hurt this is making me feel to him because I feel like im overreacting. I know new couples tend to want to spend all of their time together and I'm happy he found someone, but I also feel like my friendship is just now being used as a placeholder for when she is not around.

I lied to my friends and the only friend left is still talking to me and she wants me to admit somtthing else to her but Iam so scared and anxious that shes just going to block me like the others and I dont know what todo besdies ignore it and hope she just thinks I dropped off of the platform