My partner Isabella suffers from severe food allergies, including life-threatening allergies to shellfish and peanuts. She's also allergic to less common items like celery and soy. Often, people either don't take these allergies seriously or assume they can safely omit the allergens without considering cross-contamination, so Isabella usually brings her own food as a precaution. During our initial visit to a family dinner hosted by my mom, Isabella packed her own meal because mom implied preparing allergy-safe food might be challenging. This upset my mom initially, who felt slighted that Isabella didn't trust the meal she prepared.

Before moving closer to family, my wife and they had a great relationship. However, we re-located to be near both our families 18 months ago to maintain stronger family ties.

Following that first encounter, Isabella decided not to bring her backup meal to the next gathering, trusting my mom’s assurances. For a time, everything went well. But then one evening, my mom prepared a special dish for Isabella while the rest of us had meals containing shellfish and soy. Unfortunately, due to lapses in food preparation safety, cross-contamination occurred, and Isabella suffered an allergic reaction. Although mom apologized and acknowledged her oversight, she later voiced how burdensome it was to prepare a separate meal for Isabella, subsequently reverting to making a single, unsafe meal for everyone.

Faced with no other safe options, Isabella resumed bringing her own food, which reignited tension. After numerous discussions with the entire family, who expressed that it was unreasonable to expect my mom to accommodate one person's needs so extensively, I made the hard choice for Isabella and me to stop attending these family dinners.

This decision stirred controversy within the family, with the criticism largely directed towards me. I've made it clear that Isabella’s health is my top priority, and I can’t justify putting her at risk for an allergic reaction or make her feel excluded by having her just watch everyone else eat. Thus, avoiding these dinners seemed the only viable solution.

Imagine if this scenario unfolded on a reality show. Viewers might rally behind Isabella, incensed by the apparent disregard for her health, or they might sympathize with my mom, viewing her efforts as being unappreciated. The tension and division could peak, sparking debates and social media buzz about family obligations and the realities of dietary restrictions.

If this were a poll in a reality TV show, how might people vote on our decision to stop attending family dinners?

How do you feel about our decision to skip family dinners?

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