Health and Wellness Failures Stories

[Translated from Spanish. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

I don’t even know how to start, I’d like to say that I’ve talked about this with chat gpt. As of today I have no friends and I’ve never had a partner. Why do I say this? I’ve been consuming adult content for a long time accompanied by masturbation, I don’t feel good about it, chat gpt tells me it’s like an outlet for what I really feel, I never felt chosen. It’s an observation from several chats we’ve had. To finish, a week ago I had gone a month and two weeks without consuming, but I relapsed in a big way, in something that I don’t even want to say anonymously because I’m ashamed, but even so I do it again. (I had already done it before so it was a reason why I wanted to quit this habit). This habit has broken my confidence and the perception of myself as well as other people, and I don’t like it at all.

Although during the “clean” month there came a point where I still felt like a loser, I thought that by eliminating this habit I would feel capable of doing things I haven’t done, but no. I think it only makes a layer of worry, putting itself as a priority to solve my life. I haven’t had luck in this life, speaking in social relationships, however I have a family that loves me, but this makes me feel like a constant disappointment. I know that what is happening to me is something common, so if you know something that helps me under your own or another experience it would be a great help to me and I would be grateful.

I feel very annoyed because I feel like a nuisance to everyone I'm with. For everyone, I'm a burden, an essential element that requires going beyond their limits to make a deal. Indeed, I strive to be a good citizen and operate with the full support of the law, but for many, this is an extreme, as they base their lives on the actions of their families, where the law wasn't the foundation but rather an accessory. In this sense, it seems I'm obligated to stop being an ordinary citizen, making the law merely a way to conceal my interests, which often extend far beyond its scope.

At work, the situation is alarming. The law is treated as something to be avoided; people operate in secret, as if it were a kind of father figure acting without any feelings. Groups, for their part, act as a kind of mother figure, justifying even the most despicable acts. This is what daily life has become in the culture I'm immersed in. Personally, I may have proof of everything I do in my defense, but it seems to be more of a ticking time bomb, where others look for any excuse to exploit my slip-up and escalate it. I don't feel comfortable in this culture where the law isn't used as a basis for socialization, nor in how these interactions are rooted in the events that shape our individual selves and define the course of our lives. I feel hurt because saying these words makes me fearful, because it implies that I might observe things at work that I could use to my advantage. In other words, I'm in a job that lacks transparency.

Even in the office, people still talk about doing things that aren't something to be seen publicly, thus making the office an extension of the public sphere. Every office, by its very nature, is an extension of the public sphere, where people's limitations are solely defined by what they do within its walls, simply because it's a closed space and therefore what's happening inside isn't visible from the outside, making it necessary to keep a record. Everything that happens in an office is worthy of public knowledge, because every office, whether private or public, must provide evidence of what occurs there. In a community that has been established as a nation, secrecy is not permitted under any circumstances. In other words, everything must be transparent so that we all have access to information about what happens in our country and, consequently, its effects on us. The goal is not to control the situation, unless it results in a limiting act for the development of our potential, which is, in itself, the defense of our ability to continue our progress in service to society. The goal is simply to treat it with respect, because the law allows it, and if the law permits it and it results in an attack on that potential, then, indeed, reforms must be made.

I am surprised that these principles are not understood in that office, which is also part of a university community. I feel disappointed because it maintains a reputation for being one of the most advanced, but in reality, it seems that the research is merely a smokescreen for the utterly barbaric spirit that pervades its halls. I feel hurt. This stems from the confusion between home and office, the only real difference being that one space allows for the management of all variables by each individual, as is the case with the home, while the other does not. In fact, the office should be seen as a relationship to the home, since the home implies more care, and thus work becomes a potential agency of contribution, because that rest, that activity, leads to products that benefit others. Personally, I thought this notion of mine was more of an excuse to avoid being idle, but now I see that I was wrong. In fact, this highlights the need for less time spent at work than at home, precisely to guarantee both work productivity and the care of that which allows our integration into society, since it is through work that we generate the ideas to organize ourselves.

I'm afraid to say it, but it seems to me that things are backwards in many countries, and I'm being dramatic, but I have a feeling that it's not an exaggeration for many people. I return to a question: To whom can this be said? In my culture, the issue lies precisely in the struggle; that is, the more one struggles, the more recognized one becomes. But despite this, the consequences are not taken into account, and therefore relationships are formed where one lives in constant anxiety, that is, one lives on scraps, which is nothing more than taking life lightly.

Even in my current situation, the reason for acting stems from the fact that others are doing it too; that is, it's based on what others are doing. It's based on the premise that we all suffer equally, otherwise, production suffers. I don't understand my country and I feel truly marginalized from it, for no other reason than my own, but with good reason: I have to defend myself against it because it's shaped by leading the individual through its various currents, without allowing them to exert any resistance, precisely because of this lack of foundation, which is the cultivation of their own ideas. Indeed, I feel completely isolated, not only at work, but also from my family. I don't like it, however, nor do I like the idea of ​​not defending myself, which consists of having clear principles by which to act and which lead to constantly building my progress in society. I ask again, to whom can I explain these things?

Many of the things that are still said among others are for no other reason than to ensure that they are still part of the norm. That's what these conversations amount to; they're not constructive, but rather they interpret the rule in a way that results in actions taken out of context. This is because, in principle, the focus is on the rule itself, not the context, and therefore, for goodness' sake, they become sources of tyranny. How can one not be worried when seeing these things? What's the issue now? A psychiatrist? A psychologist? Indeed, this nervousness, this anxiety, is necessary to understand the context and therefore act with caution. There are many limitations to being a good citizen, and that's precisely what it means to develop those potentials that allow for coexistence. And that's precisely the purpose of the law—not simply to be obeyed, which is a necessary consequence, but to serve as a tool for our lives in terms of coexistence, in this sense, establishing harmony according to the facts that determine our relationships.

No society exists to create structures in and of themselves, but rather they are the means to ensure that the events that make it become something transcended, thus with all those that arise to ensure that all individuals result not only in coexistence with each other over time but also with other peoples.

Things at work are getting down and dirty. My boss and his secretary have become monsters, constantly attacking the company's top authority. It's happened once already, and it will happen again. They have no regard for others; they're only there for their own selfish interests, preying on everyone in the company. My boss's job involves organizing things, but he's taken advantage of it to go too far with me, completely violating my privacy, something I've had to protect myself from.

It's regrettable, but I used to consider that man my friend. However, for him, being a friend meant being there for me through thick and thin, even though we should be equals in the thick of things. Such behavior, total control. I feel completely at ease attending events with them soon. I would prefer a different situation, not out of fear, but because I don't feel they are worthy as people. In principle, there is no value placed on the homeland, only simple and blatant destruction, all at the expense of appearances and not evidence. This leads to the abuse of the limits of shame, and we know that these limits are often insufficient to establish the facts with certainty. Even when they are established, the limit is what prevails, for no other reason than to prevent future problems.

I believe it is necessary to tell these stories again and again, with no other aim than to encourage reflection on the limits within which we are embedded, the culture itself, and which define our mobility within our environment. Many people don't understand these limits and simply adopt passivity as a pause, when calmness regarding something is a state that is constructed and stems precisely from the distance from it. And all distance from something is constructed; when it comes to experience, it is not given. This isn't about geometric distance, which I think we confuse with other concepts, just as we do with many things related to emotions, where we confuse clusters with binary functions of the biological system that allows us to exist in the universe.

I'd like to be able to discuss these things with someone, but even I have to admit that they have limits to what they can tolerate. In principle, my approach is based on engaging with what I gain from experience, and of course, the way I access it is particular, according to the experience that connects me to that achievement, which is the reflection within it—those lines that allow me to see other perspectives starting from principles through which I viewed another. It's also necessary, I believe, to define these notions, which I think I'm achieving. It's essential, by any means necessary, to begin being critical of everything we use, precisely to use it judiciously and, moreover, to establish additions. It's about establishing more actions for life.

I've undoubtedly strayed from the topic I started with, but indeed, I'm discovering a way to access these achievements, these reflections. I feel proud, but what saddens me is not having anyone to share this journey with. Through these networks, I manage to share certain situations, but I don't start from a pre-existing premise, but rather from how I react to what I'm about to write. All my writing stems from this; it's about reacting to the ease of publishing online, in terms of the future it guarantees me, which is its publication. I would like, I must say, for the young woman with whom I've now found peace, thanks to this experience, to be here by my side so I could talk to her about these things, but it would be an inconvenience because she doesn't do these things. It would be bringing her into a conversation where she'd be completely out of touch.

It pains me to say it, but we're better off this way, through these chance encounters and the few words we can exchange. Although we share principles, she's more limited in the more developed aspects of mine, and more developed in the less developed ones. There's little we can do, and doing more would only hinder the relationship. And let's face it, the stage we're at right now is quite limited, precisely because of this lack of response. It's better to focus on what we can do effectively.

It's worth mentioning that, indeed, we have unique moments, just like in other relationships where I have the same limited scope. These moments are truly extraordinary. Of course, what we have in common is our shared principles, which allows for conversations and other activities that stimulate our growth. I feel the need to understand how we function, because indeed these relationships are not usual, but indeed, the issue still works and to say that they are not relationships, that they are nothing, is nothing more than failing to give a vision to that which moves my life, because indeed I take conditions into account.

I feel comfortable after all. After my boss's downfall, I feel I'm doing well, which also involved his secretary. I'm not comfortable with having to see their faces, because I believe that people like that, with that kind of attitude, will end up wreaking havoc on the company, not through me, but through others. For management, this duo represents a factor of instability, and even more so now, because they've been like this for a long time.

It's a shame that digital platforms for venting are so closed these days, to the point of not even being clear about their rules. Just yesterday, I finished venting and the platform limited me to writing until after a certain time. As I understand it, I wrote too much, of course, perhaps because I sent many messages in a short period of time and it ended up being marked as spam by the system. I didn't understand it until now.

I don't feel capable of going any further with these friendships; the way we are, the way we guide each other in safeguarding our interactions within a culture that prioritizes egalitarianism as the basis for social relations, is more than enough. I fear that these people don't enjoy the same lifestyle as me, where they spend their time writing and, consequently, developing a wide range of responses. Their responses are based essentially on gestures, on essences where there is no dialogue, in effect, a product of the lack of a constant exercise in constructing language. They are situated in a specific environment, and I can't expect to make drastic changes. In principle, there would be resistance, given that it would confront what their absence from that environment would imply. It is an exercise in empathy, undoubtedly, defined as the contemplation of the conditions in which the other is in relation to a certain situation and which makes their modus operandi decisive: Hence we say that this exercise results in an act of caution, why not say it, by inertia.

so, my doctor recently insisted that i incorporate some form of exercise into my lifestyle, and the sport they recommended was running. but the issue here, if i may be candid, is that i detest running with a passion. now, it's not like i don't see the merit in it from a cardiovascular and health standpoint; after all, countless articles and fitness enthusiasts tout its benefits. references regarding endorphins and other biochemical wonders abound in literature aimed at converting the skeptics among us. however, when your actual experience of running is tantamount to an ongoing battle against gravity itself, these proclaimed joys seem somewhat mythical.

why do people have such varied perceptions? strictly speaking from the perspective of sport specificity, perhaps it could be argued that i'm approaching this with too much rigidity. adopting phrases like 'aerodynamic gait' or seeking a zenithal VO2 max might not quite fit my personal framework of enjoyment yet they're bandied about as casual conversations among runners cruising comfortably past the ten-mile mark without breaking so much as a glistening sweat! there exists a world where terms such as tempo runs and negative splits are part of daily parlance something that's humbling for someone struggling to avoid constant shin splints!

with consultations bordering on mini-lectures about biomechanics and learning about posterior chain engagement—concepts that appear incredibly pivotal to this activity—it becomes overwhelming rather than inviting. living up to expectations feels impossible given the elite discourse prevalent within seasoned circles' lingo further convoluted by anyone already half-decent at stride length—or whatever marathon folks dub casual hustle.

i'd prefer finding an easier transition bridging couch-potatoism towards avid sprinterdom without exertions envisioned via daunting manuals stressing intervals over natural instincts...small steps chipping nicely away come recommendation whereby technique involves 'listening closely', hearing foundational mantras consider prominent focal points even innumerable traps faced virulent bête noire through surface highways prowled until post theories pastime enable slumber livelier urban solutions own remedy determining finally facilitated guess record never wanting downgrade physically happen smooth nonexistent normality asserts hope resting decent bedtime cuddle balancing stark unpopular moves finally revealed course fence cycling pictured open-door equilibrium twilight wholesaling kit virtuously approached comfort zones inviting arguments addition pseudo-regimen provide existential leap undeniable relevance seemingly borderline novel—a cued geographical riddle so adequately tantalizing wholeheartedly engaged imaginatively poignantly scientific: optimized speed luring courageous departure!

i've wondered for a while why some guys feel bad after ejaculating. like, i'm not just talking about the immediate post-orgasmic 'now what?' feeling that some might have but an actual emotional drop. it's like this occurrence where everything builds up to the moment, and instead of satisfaction or relief, there's regret or even sadness. i've read about the term 'post-coital tristesse,' which is supposedly common and biologically driven by hormonal changes. some articles even suggest it's because society's pressure messes with our heads, making us feel we didn't measure up to some undefined expectation.

i remember one friend telling me he would often feel guilty afterward because culturally or religiously it was seen as something shameful. others say it’s purely psychological, maybe tied to personal self-worth issues or anxiety whispering doubts in their ears about performance or connection with their partner.

even in discussions online, many point out a sort of mental hangover they get after the act. interestingly, there are those who refer to post-nut clarity... the idea that your arousal clouded your judgment before and now you just see things differently for better or worse.

i guess knowing all these mixed perspectives makes me wonder if it’s really just biology at play here or if there's a significant psychological angle that changes from person to person. maybe societal norms complicate things further (we often can’t help but internalize what we hear growing up) as though there’s an invisible scoreboard judging each encounter.

The relationship between mental and emotional illnesses and the facet of social health is a topic that continues to pervade discussions in many forums. With an alarming rise in cases of such illnesses, it becomes imperative to analyze their impact on social relationships. Various studies have shown that individuals with mental health challenges often struggle with maintaining personal relationships. For instance, a report by the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) highlights that people suffering from depression might find it difficult to socialize, which subsequently leads to isolation. This isolation can aggravate the symptoms of their illness, thereby creating a vicious cycle.

Moreover, emotional illnesses further complicate the matter by affecting one's ability to communicate effectively and form genuine connections with others. People who experience anxiety may avoid certain social situations altogether due to fear and discomfort; this avoidance behavior can significantly diminish one's social circle over time. It's been noted that emotional dysregulation can often result in misunderstandings between friends or family members, causing further strains in relationships. It begs the question: how can society better accommodate individuals navigating these challenges? Despite various interventions aimed at improving societal support systems, there appears to be a gap between what is available and what is truly needed.

While some might argue that raising awareness has improved understanding of these issues, skeptics maintain that there's still much work to be done. The stigma surrounding mental health issues often prevents people from seeking help or opening up about their struggles; consequently perpetuating feelings of loneliness and alienation. A quote from renowned psychologist Dr. Smith suggests that “the societal perception of vulnerability as weakness remains a formidable barrier.” Ultimately, without addressing these underlying stigmas and enhancing support structures, it seems unlikely that significant progress will be made in ameliorating the effects of mental and emotional illnesses on social health.

i'm 26, and i've started crying during sex. this is new to me, something that hasn't really happened before. it's got me puzzled and a tad concerned; i find myself caught between embarrassment and sheer confusion. when my partner noticed, they were understandably alarmed and kept asking if everything was okay. what do i even say? 'yeah babe, just having a tear-filled epiphany?' 🤷

thinking it through, i wonder: is this emotional release or some sort of underlying issue i'm not addressing? chemically speaking, the cocktail of hormones involved during intercourse can lead to unexpected results. i mean, oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin... it's like a biochemistry party in there! these aren't theoretical concepts either - i'm quoting from articles online where they mention such phenomena. perhaps it's connected?

emotionally though? that's a whole different equation. sometimes these tears feel cathartic, maybe even intertwined with past experiences or stressors that linger subconsciously. definitely left field from the idea of 'perfect intimacy.' anyone else dissect their own psychological nuances like this?

before completely spiraling into my own over-analysis pit stop... should i consider therapy or let it ride out as a phase? experts suggest communication with your partner is key but how deep do we go into these conversations without causing panic stations? ultimately, until there's clarity on coping mechanisms (or responses), avoiding an emotional shutdown while being sexually active seems challenging.

i've been struggling to find motivation to workout lately, and it's really bugging me. i used to be so consistent with my gym routine, hitting the weights, doing cardio, you name it. but now, it's like pulling teeth just to get myself out the door. maybe it's the weather; it’s been dreary and cold recently and all I want to do is curl up in a blanket with some hot cocoa. i'm not sure if that's just an excuse though because other people still manage to hit the gym regardless of the weather.

but then again, what's really stopping me? i've got no serious injuries or health issues that should prevent me from staying active. sometimes i wonder if i'm just being lazy. but it feels more than just laziness... like there's this mental block that keeps me from making it a priority. reflecting on how much better I feel when I'm on top of my fitness game makes it even more frustrating. maybe it's about finding new ways or activities to keep myself engaged, something fresh to break the monotony – or perhaps I'm just overthinking things again.

Stress!!! It's something that we all encounter in various shapes or forms, right? But let me tell you, there's a specific form of stress that's just been driving me up the wall......

I'm talking about the kind of stress that leaves you feeling like you've been hit by a truck, scalding your very core, and leaving you wondering if you've got some kind of fever from all the anxiety; I've always tried to approach life's challenges with optimism, to navigate the treacherous waters of adulthood with tenacity and resilience, yet sometimes it's overwhelmingly exhausting; it's as though my body is manifesting the tension as a physical ailment, and I couldn’t help but ask myself, can you actually get a fever from stress? Imagine! Well, according to several discourse communities I'm part of, there's indeed a bio-psychological discourse suggesting that stress can indeed precipitate symptoms similar to those of a febrile illness! How bizarre, isn't it??? The body, in response to chronic stress, releases a hormone called cortisol, which in layman's terms can suppress the immune system, potentially leading to an increased susceptibility to infections and illnesses....a real kicker in the face, if you ask me. There was an instance last August when I was navigating through a particularly daunting work project, a classic example of occupational stress if I may add, where deadlines were flying at me like relentless arrows in a medieval siege, that I swear the internal combustion felt no less than a fever; at that moment, dear reader, I felt that if someone had taken my temperature, it might have registered a spike! Is it true that stress can have that profound effect? Is it fair? Well, fair or not, it's real. But let us not descend into the pit of despair; let's be hopeful!! It's essential, during these trying times, to harness adaptive coping strategies, ones that help in alleviating the psychological and physiological ramifications of stress. Simple mindfulness exercises or breathing techniques could be an effective remedy. Developing a personal wellness protocol, one that strengthens mental fortitude while promoting immune support, can mitigate the potential for stress-induced ailments. Yes, it sounds like a big, arduous undertaking, however, it's not only feasible but remarkably rewarding. Always remember this my friends, our core essence resides in adaptability and perseverance. It is indeed achievable to modulate the body's response to stress through diligent self-care practices: a warm reminder to ourselves that tough times are indeed temporary! This phase, this feverish madness, eventually melts away, leaving behind a trail of self-discovery and resilience! But still, let me circle back to our discussion; isn't it mind-boggling to imagine just how interlinked our psychological state and physiological health are? A phenomenon we've become increasingly cognizant of in contemporarry psychological and medical studies. It sets the stage for the new wave of holistic healthcare practices, doesn’t it? It's imperative to ask ourselves, how can we incorporate these reflective insights into our day-to-day lives to foster a healthier, happier existence? Well, a relevant strategy could be setting realistic goals and maintaining a balanced, nourishing lifestyle to tether our minds and bodies to sanity during turbulence. Instructedly check, are you unduly burdened by the projects at hand? Evaluate and delegate! Remember, managing stress adeptly masterminds not only our individual well-being but indirectly contributes towards a healthier societal fabric! Let us seize control, actualize a plan, and remind ourselves of our 'why’s'. The trials don't stand a chance against an upbeat, focused mind!! Are you ready to turn the page, to rejuvenate and reignite your pursuit of happiness? Mind you, dear reader, stress does not inherently spell ruin, it can be harnessed as a propellant for positive change!

Maybe, just maybe, this feverish encounter with stress is nature's much-needed wake-up call, nudging us towards an overdue life overhaul!

Streeeeeessssssss....

Everything was fine when I was still in education.

I had my home, I had my mum, my younger brother, and we all had each other. I had her to talk to, to get advice from, to ask for help whenever something was too complicated or "too adult" to understand. When I moved to the UK to go to University, I called all the time, felt homesick, frustrated, I couldn't understand the school system, and I was so afraid of making new friends and finding communities, even stuff I was interested in. But she was always a phone call away, she would always remind me that. When I graduated with a Music degree, I was still hopeful even though I knew how cutthroat all areas of the industry would be, and even though she never had a clue because it was out of her field, she always knew what to tell me to push me into the direction I wanted to go.

Then she got cancer, the big bitch of medicine. Funny, she had it 2 separate times before and recovered for well over 10 years, so when she told us, I was still afraid, I still cried rivers of tears, but even her and the doctors thought she would make it through this time as well. So she got treated, I graduated, we celebrated with an Indian takeaway, and I decided to stay in the city to find work, build up my name and make connections while working in hospitality, as was always the plan. But the plan didn't work, because I couldn't find a job. I went on to get financial benefits, which made her cross because she was sure it would only be temporary and I would find work soon. Even when I did, 5 months later, I found that I had been accepted to work in the most emotionally abusive environment I had experienced so far (they may as well be for an entirely different story). Then she went to the hospital, apparently something not involving the cancer had gone wrong and she needed to be treated. When I went to see her, she told me and my brother that they had to stop her chemo, that it had spread, and she wasn't going to be alive for much longer. I was 22 at the time, and barely understood how bills or tax worked, and I had no music career I could see in front of me, nor one that she would be here for.

They told us it could be months, or it could be shorter, the doctors didn't know, but it was enough time for everything to crumble. I spent as much time as I could with her, while still trying to meet my abusive bosses standards, and desperately begging for shifts to keep myself from going completely broke. I could talk all day about the month I experienced, with the news, everything needed sorting, and I was next of kin so I had to do most of it, and I hardly found enough time I could spend with her, let alone talk about the mundane parts of life.

Then she died, not even a month after she told me she would. Ever since I took more emotional beatings from work, more documents to sort, my brother being almost an adult at the time was due to go into foster care because I didn't earn enough to provide for him (he is safe now, with a family friend we've known since childhood). I went into the deepest depression I had ever been in, tried everything I could to not loose myself in despair, but it was all too much. And all I wanted to do at that time was to call her just to hear her voice, talk about what we saw on walks, on schoolwork, everything we talked about normally.

So I set to work, I went back to my home country to clear out my childhood home, report her death, collect her documents, the place she worked even made a plaque to honour her memory, which might have been the closest thing I could have for a funeral. Since then, I still had not found work after I returned, I still had documents to complete, and I still wanted a career. I was expected to keep going with everyone else when I wanted to just stop everything and bury myself where no one would find me, but I knew I couldn't. I'm 24 now, I'm trying to work things out, even moved in with my partners wonderful family so I wouldn't destroy my sanity trying to keep up with an unkind economy.

Even after all of that, she is still gone, and I am still completely lost, and feel like I have no way of moving forward. My only options lately are to take things slowly and talk about it, so here I am talking about it, because that seems to be the most straightforward solution.

This has been my story the last year and a half, and it really really sucks looking back on it.

I appreciate anyone who reads this, I'm sorry it won't be a positive story, but thank you.

Numbness...I feel yet I can't feel, it's like everything is eating away at me and I can only watch as it happens...my body cannot muster up the energy to try to stop it from happening, stop the thoughts from filling my head with lies, stop the tears pooling in my eyes, stop my heart from racing almost as though I've run a marathon...old reminders and ideas keep cycling back, telling me it's time or convincing me to go back...back to the darkness, back to the pain, back to the emptiness, and as each minute passes I realise I'm starting to believe those thoughts telling me I'm the problem....telling me I am nothing but a toxic gas, and that scares me, because I once felt like this...when the darkness practically consumed me...its a nostalgic feeling I wish did not exist, yet it does.

I feel yet I can't feel, and that's what's killing me.

I've been down for a bit but who are you even supposed to talk to about this, don't wanna be sent to a mental hospital. I'm not really sad, just dull about everything so planning my suicide doesn't feel like this sad thing anymore. I now know a way to kill myself. I had a good sleep, first time in a while. I wish I wasn't mentally ill tho. I've accepted that I've been feeling dull at least. I don't really care if I die, I wish I could. I don't know how people look at this long and terrible life and wanna live and do things, I don't wanna do anything. I don't even feel anything for my accomplishments, my diploma is just on the floor and something about college. My parents don't make this easier, they're bad people. I'd most likely still be depressed even if I move away or complete whatever goal. I've been learning a new language and still workout/dance, weighing 116 so at least I've been slowly completing appearance goals. Guess that's it for now.

Thanks for reading and I hope you have a good day.

I’m a female at birth.

I hate that I have to associate my whole life with this body. I feel wrong all the time. I don’t feel like seeing myself in the mirrors and the pictures. Cutting my hair short (not short as a boy, because I’m not allowed to) and dressing like a boy help me get through it, partly, because I still don’t like my appearance.

I had an ex - stupidest decision EVER - that was when I chose to be FEMININE. I thought to myself, “maybe I won’t be judged anymore for looking NORMAL. I’m dating like everyone else”, I kept comparing and comparing. The relationship didn’t work out. I’m back to be like this because it helps me feel better for some times.

My friends kept old pictures of me with long hair and kept praising that I was “prettier” in the past. They kept telling me to get my hair long again, knowing I had a talk with them about how I would love to be a boy and that I hate my body. They didn’t understand. They just love secretly talk this talk that to satisfy their curiosity without any deep understanding. Those ‘praises’ seem like an insult to my face.

I didn’t bother telling them what to do with their life, but they did to me instead. 99% of my friends all act like this. I wonder why (I don’t even tell them about changing pronouns because I know I’m still not passing and they won’t undestand it anyways. It shows)

I can’t even look at my selfies and reflection in public normally. I would be grossed out and try to avoid them as much as I could. I think it has something to do with how “ugly” I think I am. My teeth is impaired. My hair is just dry and curly and they lie flat on my square head because I’m not allowed to cut my hair any shorter. But in the end, how I have to live in this body knowing everything I do in life, this body is involved - from work, love, to family, is what scares me the most.

What’s ironically funny is that, I’m mostly interested in boys, so I’ll likely accept to live in this body because most of the boys are straight. They may distract myself from how I hate myself so darn much, but maybe this is not the way. I don’t know, like, in the end, this is my life. Don’t live for somebody else’s approval.

I’m scared to fall in love again because my mind is a mess. Everyday, “what am I?” “I want to choose me” these thoughts keep popping up in my head.

For someone who is reading, I want to wish you all the best. Maybe don’t be too harsh on yourself? Eat good food. Read good book. Travel. Learn more about the world. I’m living in the big bubble and it scares me every single day.

I'm not proud of it, but I'm man enough to say it: as someone who's had to struggle for my education, in my social life/interactions as a black woman, and honestly life in general due to my mental health and depression, I get a deep seated irritation for people who are deeply insecure (just like I am) when they're doing so much better in life than I am. And before someone tells me that the grass is greener on the other side, or that I don't know what other people are going through, I already know. It's just that I honestly feel so deeply alone sometimes, especially in my college and sorority. No one else I know around me has had to work 3-4 jobs to pay for their education, no one I know has had their grades dip because they have to juggle working and school. No one else that I interact with on a daily basis has had such awful experiences with men like I've had. Everyone is insecure, yet it seems to me like everyone else just fits in better that I do. The amount of times my friends tell me about their new internship/job/boyfriend and how well it's going is amazing. I'm simultaneously happy and envious of them. Why can't that happen to me? What am I doing wrong? I try and put 110% effort into everything I do, and yet I feel like I have not nearly as much to show for it. On top of that, I feel so terrible for even feeling envious. I want my friends to succeed, I want them to thrive, I just want to be able to do that too. In my social life I feel like I'm always too much or not enough. I may be part of a group, but I don't feel part of it. Most often I just feel like I'm just there to be there. I feel like no one will miss me if I left. The societal and patriarchal pressure to feel cool, to be liked, and to at least be desired makes me both disgusted with myself and sad. As a Christian, the only person I should be seeking approval from is the Lord, and yet the voices, thoughts, and opinions of others never leave my mind. Am I just not interesting? Am I annoying? I feel like the only way I'm seen is by being funny, and it leads to a lot of people looking down on me as less smart, capable and mature. I feel myself more and more wanting to shrink into nothing, to ghost everyone I know and just transfer schools, or stop going to school entirely. I'm exhausted truthfully, all the time. My back hurts and so does my soul. So when my friends vent to me, I can't help but be annoyed because their issues are mostly caused by their own head. They have so much going for them, what could possibly be wrong? And I know my thinking is wrong too, because compared with others I'm incredibly blessed, but life feels so hard right now and I don't see a way out. I try and act confident and assertive and sure of myself, but I don't feel like it works. Most often I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb, and like I don't belong anywhere. I'm a rising senior in college, and I'm just dreading going back after the summer. I feel like not even my friends would get this if I explained it to them.

I’m 20 years old.

I’m a guy, and up to this day I’ve never had sex. Not because I never wanted to, and not because I don’t have desires or feelings. I simply live in a country where people and the government are extremely sensitive about anything related to sex, to the point that a person has to hide their natural needs like they’re committing a crime.

To be honest, I’ve always been attracted to women older than me. Women who are more mature, experienced, and emotionally intelligent. But every time, there’s either fear of being judged, social restrictions, or the feeling that even having these desires is somehow forbidden.

Sometimes the loneliness becomes exhausting. Pretending everything is normal while inside you’re full of desire, curiosity, frustration, and emotional pressure.

I honestly don’t know what the solution is.

I don’t know how someone is supposed to deal with these feelings when there’s neither the possibility of a healthy relationship nor the freedom to even talk openly about it.

If anyone has advice, experiences, or any kind of solution, I’d genuinely appreciate hearing it.