Health and Wellness Failures Stories

ive realized that i actually had symptoms of adhd. all of these years including in elementary school i thought that i was just actually bad at learning and actually being a good student and now i guess not. im so bad at saying my feelings and reasoning, i feel like im just standing in a one singular block in a void. im so embarassed everytime i communicate with someone thinking i said something wrong, my decisions are so foolish, and to the main issue is my life where im so fucking miserable to the point that i have no friends that i can trust including, doubts about people, and lusting over friends that i love the most. LUSTING OVER THE FRIENDS THAT I LOVE THE MOST AND ACTUALLY CARES TO JUST GIVE ME ATTENTION ALL THE TIME. im so fucking disguisting and a disgrace holy shit. i just cant keep going on a life like this.

so, there’s this thing i’ve been doing lately and it’s probably the dumbest thing you’ll hear all day, but it works for me during those totally unpredictable, chaotic moments where i feel like the entire universe is flipping me the bird and my anxiety’s about to skyrocket into orbit; i’ve been forcing myself to just breathe, like literally standing there in the middle of whatever’s going down, inhaling so deep that it feels like i’m about to burst, then slowly letting it out like i’m some kind of zen master or whatever, and yeah it sounds super corny but focusing on your breath actually forces your mind to stop freaking out for just long enough to not lose it; i also try to write things down, and i don’t mean a fancy bullet journal or some crap you see on pinterest, i mean i grab the nearest scrap of paper, napkin, whatever, and i start scribbling every chaotic thought or worry or even a stupid doodle if i can’t find words, because there’s something about seeing it all outside of your brain that makes it less intimidating and gives you a bit of a laugh at how ridiculous some of it sounds; and then there’s my go-to move, which is just dropping everything and going for a walk, no matter the weather, and yeah, sometimes it’s pouring rain or freezing, but the sheer act of putting one foot in front of the other, feeling the ground beneath me and just noticing the tiny details around like the color of the sky or the way the air smells helps me anchor myself to reality; oh and don’t even get me started on music, because blasting your favorite playlist, the one that makes you feel like a badass, can literally change your entire mood and shift your perspective from ‘everything sucks’ to ‘okay, maybe i can handle this for a bit longer’; and if i’m really in deep, like spiraling kind of deep, i force myself to reach out to someone, whether it’s a friend who’ll let me vent without judgment or even just sending a quick “hey i’m struggling today” text, because as much as i hate to admit it, sometimes you just need to hear another human voice reminding you that you’re not as alone as your mind is making you feel; i also sometimes dive into something completely unrelated, like rewatching my favorite dumb tv show, because giving your brain a break from obsessing over uncertainty can be surprisingly powerful, and it’s not avoidance, it’s just giving yourself permission to rest and not be ‘on’ all the time; also, weirdly enough, i’ve found that setting the tiniest goals helps, like literally telling myself “just get through the next ten minutes” or “just clean one corner of the room” because ticking off even the smallest task gives you a tiny hit of accomplishment and sometimes that’s enough to keep going; but maybe the most important thing i’ve learned is to stop trying to predict or control everything because let’s be honest, none of us really know what’s coming next and pretending we do just exhausts us, so i’ve been trying to lean into the discomfort and tell myself “you’ve survived worse, you’ll survive this too” and weirdly enough, it helps to remember that i’m not the only one trying to navigate this crazy unpredictable life.

TW: sexual assault

Hi um so I'm posting here because I really don't have anywhere else to talk but I've been having a lot of trouble recently. I've been remembering a lot of the bad things that happened to me when I was a kid and it's a lot and idk what to do because I can't stop remembering it. From the ages of 9-11 my best friend who was the same age and gender as me kind of like molested me? I don't know if it counts because we're both girls and the same age but she would do a lot of things to me. I don't wanna get into a lot of details but it happened at least once a week and it did involve penetration with her fingers. I remember it happening a lot and she'd "experiment" on me, and one time our parents walked in. They were really mad and her parents stopped talking to us for a week but she convinced them it wasn't that bad and we were just "playing doctor" but she never stopped after that and I'd tell her I didn't like it but she would tell me I'm pathetic and if I didn't do this I wouldn't be her best friend, so I did. It went on until she moved to a different state and I honestly forgot about it until like a few months ago and I've been recalling everything she'd done to me and idk what to do because I feel disgusting and I can't stop thinking about it and I know it wasn't a super big deal bcs yk we were both kids but I still can't get it out of my head and it's like scaring me and idk what to do and idk if it even counts because we were both kids and we were both girls but I think I've been spiraling downhill recently and I realize how a lot of the stuff I do like being awkward in convos or having trouble with physical touch is partially due to this and I just hate myself for it because I can't get over it and I can't even hug my own friends without getting weirded out and I'm sorry for ranting I'm just really in a bad place rn with this and I can't stop thinking about it eve though it happened years ago

Hey there! I'm reaching out from this space because I really need to chat, but finding the right person to talk to... Well, it's complicated. I'm 19, and being a female in this rapidly evolving world sometimes feels like navigating through a maze with no clear exit... The desire for genuine conversation is strong, but I'm at a crossroads when it comes to whom I should open up to. Can you relate? I've tried reaching out to friends, family, even strangers on the internet, but something holds me back each time. It's as though there's this invisible barrier that stops me from pouring my heart out fully. Maybe it's the fear of judgment or maybe it's just the uncertainty of how they'll respond. 🤷‍♀️

I've always believed in the power of words, but it's puzzling how, in this digital age, we're more connected than ever, yet finding a genuine, open conversation feels so rare. "Isn't it ironic?" Every time I think about reaching out, I get flooded with what-ifs that make me retreat into my shell. But I'm determined!!! I want to open up and talk; to share my thoughts and feelings with someone who'd truly listen. The positivity lies in hope that someday, I will find that person who makes the interaction worthwhile.❤ In the meantime, the quest continues, and I'll keep searching for that special someone out there who resonates with my words, and somehow, makes sense of this journey; I hold onto the belief that every conversation has the potential to be a stepping stone towards understanding and connection.

How is the vibe here? :)

Hey, guys. So, I've been grappling with a bit of a morally gray area lately, and I could really use some outside perspective. Is it bad to watch porn? I get that it's a touchy subject, and opinions on it vary greatly. Sometimes, I feel like everyone does it, but no one talks about it, almost like it's this secret secluded to the hidden corners of our lives. The alluring consumption of adult content is accessible as ever due to modern technology and the privacy it offers, yet the stigma surrounding it remains quite palpable. It leads one to wonder about its implications, both psychologically and ethically. I mean, sure, on the surface level, indulging in pornography feels like a harmless escapade, almost like ordering takeout instead of cooking. But is it nearly as innocent as it seems?

There's something undeniably magnetic about the immediate gratification it offers, and let's face it, the variety is vast. However, I can't help but feel that there's a darker underlying current. Does it adversely affect our perception of reality? Impacts cognition and behavior? Or maybe even our relationships with others? These questions keep swirling around in my head. The industry sure is a juggernaut, boasting millions of viewers but is it all coming at a hefty price? Does it heighten unrealistic expectations or foster an unhealthy cycle that one struggles to escape from? I know personally, it's hindered my capacity to connect meaningfully with partners at times. And the feeling of guilt lingers, a byproduct of wondering if I'm feeding into something more sinister. Are others feeling this duality of pleasure and guilt too, or is it just me? Ugh, it's complicated, isn't it? 🤔

so my parents keep asking me to leave the house and start my own life, but honestly, i can barely get out of bed in the morning. i’m not lazy or anything, i just feel stuck, like there’s a weight on me that won’t budge. i wake up, look at my phone, and realize there’s nothing waiting for me except a long list of things i don’t want to do. it’s not depression or anything—at least i don’t think so—but it’s like i’m in this weird limbo where i know what i should be doing but i just can’t bring myself to start. i’m 21 and my parents are right, i can’t just keep lying here, but the thought of job applications or interviews just makes me want to roll over and pull the covers back up. it’s not that i don’t care; it’s more that i don’t know how to care anymore, you know? 😕

some mornings, i set my alarm and i’m determined to get up early, maybe make some breakfast, even go for a run or something. but when that alarm goes off, my brain just shuts it out, like “what’s the point?” i tell myself i’ll get up in five minutes, but then it’s noon and i’m still scrolling on my phone. my parents come in, knock on my door, and start their usual speeches about responsibility and adulthood and how i need to contribute to the world. i nod along because they’re not wrong, but i just can’t seem to find the motivation. it’s like my body’s in bed but my mind’s trapped somewhere else, somewhere far away from all this.

i think the hardest part is feeling like i’ve already failed before i’ve even started. i see my friends posting about new jobs, internships, moving out of their parents’ houses, and i’m just here wondering how they even found the energy to get dressed. it’s not jealousy exactly, more like confusion. how do they do it? how do they make it look so easy to just get up and go? i wish someone would explain the secret, because it feels like i missed the memo or skipped the part of life where you learn how to deal with responsibilities. i don’t want to be the guy who never leaves his parents’ house, but i also don’t know how to change that. 😩

so yeah, how do you get out of bed in the morning when everything feels heavy and pointless? is there some trick i’m missing? i know it’s not just me feeling like this, but it feels like everyone else figured it out except me. i want to start living my own life, get my own place, have something to look forward to, but every morning i wake up and it’s like i’ve hit the snooze button on my own future. maybe tomorrow will be different, but maybe it won’t. i don’t know. do you? 🤔

Have you ever felt like life is just going downhill??? That's been my vibe lately, but I'm holding out hope that things will turn around. I got this job that seemed perfect at first glance, but it's been nothing short of chaotic LOL! It's like everyday feels like an upward battle only to find myself rolling down the hill. I'm doing my best, but sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed!!! The pressure is like a constant companion, but I'm learning to take it all in stride. 😅 Life's got its tricky parts, doesn't it?!

Guess what though? Despite the struggles, I'm determined to see the silver lining!!! I keep reminding myself that every descent down the hill is just an opportunity to climb back up again with even more gusto. The ups and downs, they're all part of the journey, right? It's kinda cool to think that each slip is making me stronger in some way. I mean, how else are we supposed to grow if not through challenges??? It might be tough, but I'm ready to take it on day by day. Keep movin', keep groovin' - that's what they say, right?

But hey, don't get me wrong, I'm all about finding the chill vibes where I can. 🎵😊 I try to soak in the positive energy, listen to some good tunes, and keep the optimism alive. Maybe it's not always as smooth as I'd like, but there's beauty in the chaotic dance of things. I'm confident that eventually, all this crazy will shape into something amazing. As I continue on this winding path, I'm embracing everything with a hopeful heart, ready for whatever comes next!!! How's that for staying upbeat, huh? Keep climbing, my friend, there's always a brighter side waiting for us!!!

I’m 49 years old, female, and I’m honestly fing tired of feeling like I’m carrying a boulder on my shoulders every fing day; let’s just say it loud and clear — anxiety sucks. every fing breath I take, every decision I make, every conversation I have — it’s like a tiny voice is nagging in the back of my mind telling me I’m screwing everything up. “what if they hate you? what if you say the wrong thing? what if you fail?” it’s exhausting. I’ve read every fing book, listened to every self-help podcast, tried meditation, journaling, therapy, meds — the whole f***ing industry is built on telling people like me to “breathe deeply and let it go,” but tell me, how the hell do you let go of something that’s wired into your goddamn brain? anxiety doesn’t listen to breathing techniques! I mean, ffs, you think I wouldn’t have figured that out by now?

I’ve been trying to build a non-anxious life, whatever the hell that means. moving to a quieter neighborhood, changing jobs to reduce stress — hell, I even got a fing cat to “calm me down” (spoiler alert: she’s a furry little terrorist). but guess what? the anxiety is still there. some mornings, I wake up and feel like I can’t breathe, like my chest is caving in, and no amount of herbal tea or “positive affirmations” makes it stop. it’s easy for people to say, “just stop worrying,” but have you ever tried to just stop worrying? it’s like telling a person with asthma to “just breathe” — yeah, sure, thanks for the tip! it’s frustrating to constantly feel like you’re broken, like you’re the problem; it’s fing unfair. how much of it is even in my control, huh?

the thing is, I’ve been to therapy (multiple times, different therapists), and every time I leave feeling like I’m just a fing project for them to fix. “try this exercise,” they say. “keep a journal,” they suggest. “catch your negative thoughts,” they advise. but what if I don’t want to spend every goddamn day “catching thoughts”? what if I just want to live without constantly analyzing myself to death? it’s not that I’m against therapy — I know it helps, I’m not an idiot — but the whole process sometimes feels like a job I didn’t apply for; a job with no pay and no fing days off. am I just supposed to keep “working on myself” until I die? because that’s how it feels. I’m exhausted from always trying to “manage” something that won’t leave me the hell alone.

and here’s the kicker — people always assume that if you’re anxious, you’re weak. that you can’t handle stress, that you’re not resilient enough, that you’re somehow “less than.” well, f*** that. I’ve raised two kids while dealing with this crap, held down a career, and kept a house running — tell me that’s not resilient! but yeah, I’ll admit it: I’m still struggling. I still cry in the shower sometimes, I still overthink every damn thing, and I still wake up some days feeling like the world is caving in. so what? does that make me a failure? or does it make me human? because, let’s be real here — who the hell isn’t struggling? we just don’t talk about it. we put on our “I’m fine” masks and go through the motions. but sometimes I want to rip that mask off and scream, “I’m not f***ing fine!” do you get it? do you know what that feels like? or is it just me?

man, life's been a rollercoaster lately, and i honestly can't figure out why i'm being so hard on myself. maybe it's just this age thing, being 21 and all. i feel like i should be on top of the world, but instead, i'm just stuck in my own head. you ever feel that way? like no matter what you do, it's never enough? i've always been my own worst critic, but lately, it's like i've amped it up to a whole new level. it's not like i have messed up big time or anything, just regular life mishaps, yet i'm treating myself like i’ve made some colossal screw-ups. sometimes it feels like there’s this invisible scoreboard in my mind, keeping track of everything i wish i’d done differently. real talk, it’s exhausting.

i remember this one time, i was talking to a friend and they were like, "dude, why you always judging yourself so harsh?" honestly, i didn't have an answer then and still don’t have one now. it's like i can't shake this need to be perfect, even though deep down, i know it’s impossible. maybe because i see people around accomplishing so much and i feel like i should be doing the same. everyone else makes it seem so effortless while i'm over here with my thoughts tangled up in a million wires. when did life become a contest? am i the only one thinking this? because if i am, i definitely didn't get the memo about how to just chill and roll with the punches. is it social media pressure, or just society in general? i really can't pinpoint the exact trigger, but man, it's annoying.

it's like whenever i achieve something, instead of feeling proud, i'm just like, "okay, that’s checked off, what's next?"; i don't give myself a second to breathe and appreciate what i’ve done. let’s say i finish a project, rather than enjoying the moment, i’m already doubting if it was good enough. what gives? isn't that wild? i get that self-reflection is important, but this constant over-analysis is straight-up debilitating. there’s got to be a better way to navigate through life without beating myself up over every tiny thing. this might sound crazy, but i sometimes wish i could talk to teenage me, let him know it's okay to not have everything figured out and that the pressure he feels now isn’t gonna lead to world catastrophe.

so, i guess i’m here trying to figure out if i’m alone in this or if other 21-year-olds feel the same way. are we all just struggling to walk this tightrope of expectations versus reality? or am i really just putting way too much weight on my own shoulders? if you’ve got any tips or thoughts, i'm all ears. it's just hard not to compare, y'know? and every time i slip into that mindset, i remind myself there’s no rulebook stating i have to have my entire life mapped out at this age. it’s a work in progress, being kinder to myself, and maybe, just maybe, i'll figure out how to break this cycle. until then, i'm stuck here, trying to keep my head above water and learning to be a little less hard on myself. 🤞

I just turned 18 and graduated high school last year and if I'm being honest about everything, I genuinely cannot see myself passing the age of 20. I still feel like I'm 12 years old about to start high school, I genuinely have nothing going for me in life, I have no friends; the ones I do have live in different states and are with their significant others, which is something I don't have. I feel like a burden for my family and they all have jobs and expect me to get one or start doing something with my life.

What can I do to change the way I feel?

T.L.D.R. Hallucinations, inability to control certain parts of myself, extreme mood swings, SI/HI, and noone around me that would believe me or that I can trust to help me

I’m starting to get genuinely scared. My hallucinations (auditory+tactile) have been getting worse and clearer each day, and I can’t tell anyone about it. I have tried to set up appointments with a psychiatrist but I can’t set it up by myself. I can’t get my parents to help because they think I’m faking or over exaggerating or making excuses any time I try to talk about my mental health. Granted I can’t entirely know unless I actually tell them, but every time I bring up things that have been active road blocks, I get invalidated. Last time I told my dad it felt like he was invalidating me, he said he acknowledged I was struggling then just told me to suck it up again rather than, idk, actually caring ab it I guess? I try to tell him I can’t do certain things and he always, ALWAYS says I am victimizing myself and to stop saying I can’t, he doesn’t listen to me when I try to tell him. I use wording like “I can’t” for things to convey that it is not an active decision I am making, and all attempts to not be taken along for the ride have failed. I try and try to do things like keep up with basic hygiene, I set reminders, put it in my way, try to follow a schedule, and without fail after a couple of days everything falls apart. I’ve tried to explain that I lack a certain level of control over myself and body, I’ve literally talked about the meltdowns and full on crying I have had due to my inability to do certain things that I want to. My parents don’t know this and I don’t have the heart to tell them, but I have sometimes had such a strong mental block stopping me from getting out of bed that I have SH’ed due to it. I have such a lack of self esteem and such a large hatred for myself because I can’t fix my life and the people closest to me won’t listen when I try to convey that, and instead just think I’m not putting enough effort in. The craziest part is that my dad has been able to relate to me with things before, yet doesn’t seem to understand the extent of my problems, or can’t accept that I could have it worse. Plus there’s him just brushing my mood swings off as hormones. I know that hormones are a thing that can cause mood swings but for one, I’m almost 19 and I also don’t think hormones cause such extreme mood swings that I bounce from full on euphoria to complete depression with SI. I just don’t feel like I’m ever taken seriously by the people that I really want to. I wonder if it is because I’ve been able to hold a job since I graduated? Then there’s my issue with social anxiety, which I tried for the longest time as a kid to tell my parents that I had and instead what I heard wad that I didn’t and then was told of how bad my step mom had it and yet again invalidated. Another thing is that I genuinely feel like the only difference between me and someone that people would consider “insane” is that I haven’t acted out on anything. I have very frequent intrusive thoughts and HI, and while I would like to say that I know I won’t go through with anything, it’s another part of why I’m scared, because I’m not sure. I think about killing certain people and play through different scenarios in my head and I’ve realised that yes I would feel guilty because I took another person’s life away, but I wouldn’t feel remorseful or “care” necessarily. I genuinely need help but don’t really have anyone around me I can trust to talk about this stuff and actually get me the help I so desperately need.

Okay I am new here... idk how this works..but still I am here.. So rn I wanna say that

why am I even born.. like god why.. do u see anything good me in ? No !

Uk now I'm tired of talking to new ppl online and then saying the same shit.. hi hello where are you from ? age ? and then the whole loop of stories starts again

like every time the same shit..

I'm tired of me and my silly actions.

my future is in great danger bcoz of me..

I'm failing in neet since the last 5 years... I didn't gave the exam this year... so what ? u would have still failed.... cuz uk u had no preparation !

But damn u definitely know that u can do whatever you want in this world... then whytf are u so lazy ????

I really wanna kill myself... get better for ur own sake gurlllll

And this is not it...

Ur mood changes rapidly... like are u a maniac ? or what ?

one sec my playlist sounds so good and dreamy ... and then the other second u become Arijit Singh... like what the hell is going on... why aren't u stable gurlllll ?

U didn't even had any relationship !!!!

then wtf are these mood swings ?

And to make my life more hell...

day before yesterday

I met that British guy online

he's 6'2 niceee

and ur just 5

okay keep going

u like tall ppl

fine

u got one

fine

actually why don't you just marry a pole for the sake of your life ...

My gurlllll u fell for ppl so easily... like soooo easily !

Ik ur lonely , ur sad , u want love... ikkk gurlllll

but please don't fall for anyone...

that guy complimented u so much

even when he looks wayyyy much hotter

and ur just that potato

idk what did he saw in you

maybe he was saying that all just to use you

and ur an easy prey !

last night he tried to sext with you

I didn't wanted to

but he kept saying those words which u wanted to hear so much...

but not so soon

not just in a day

my gurlllll ikkk ur desperate to find ur ideal love but understand that there's nothing like ideal.. but one day u'll definitely meet that one guy.

don't get desperate

ur not that girl

uk it

u have kept ur sanity safe till so many days for someone special

ik ur alone.. depressed.. in anxiety.. ur young 21 yr girl.. ik ur hormones.. ik ur feelings

but bcoz of these stupid hormones which just get turned on unnecessarily seeing a hot guy..

U CAN'T DESTROY URSELF !

focus on ur career .. on ur studies.. on ur parents.. on urself

u'll achieve everything ik

just stop doing stupid things to find love.. I beg u

sometimes i just can’t take it all in. it’s like the lights are too bright, the music too loud, the people too many. the colors and sounds clash in my head until it feels like my brain’s about to fry. i try to breathe, but it’s not enough; i end up snapping at people or shutting down completely, just to get a bit of space. i hate being that person, the one who can’t handle a simple party or a shopping trip without losing my mind. is it really that hard for the world to slow down just a bit??? i get so frustrated with myself, but i can’t control it. it feels like my brain’s running on high-speed internet in a world where everyone else is on dial-up. i get overloaded and then crash like a stupid system error; it’s humiliating and exhausting.

when i try to explain this to anyone, they look at me like i’m some kind of freak. “just relax,” they say, as if i haven’t tried that a million times. but relaxing doesn’t stop the buzzing in my head or the way my skin crawls when there’s too much going on. it’s not about stress, it’s about everything being too much, all at once. crowds, bright lights, loud noises—they all blend together into this horrible mess that i can’t untangle from. i end up hiding in the bathroom, pretending to be busy on my phone, just so i don’t have to feel the sensory overload; it’s pathetic, i know, but it’s the only way i can keep from breaking down. have you ever felt like this?? like the world is attacking you for no reason??

still, i’m trying to stay positive. i tell myself that it’s not weakness to recognize my limits. i’m learning to plan my days better, to take breaks when i need them, and to speak up when things get too overwhelming. i’ve even started carrying earplugs in my bag for those moments when i can’t handle the noise. i know it’s not perfect, and yeah, i still have days when everything feels like too much and i want to scream. but i’m figuring it out, little by little. i’m not giving up on myself. i’ll find ways to make the world a little quieter, a little softer, so i can keep going without feeling like my head’s about to explode. i just wish it didn’t have to be so hard all the time; wouldn’t it be nice if we could all just chill for a minute??? 😤

i started my onlyfans account like a year ago, just for some extra cash, but i didn’t expect how quickly it’d take over my life. i’m 21, i thought i could handle it, just treat it like a job, you know? but it’s like this thing where the lines between work and life get real blurry. i’m on my phone all the time, messaging with clients, keeping up that sexy, flirty energy that makes them feel special. it’s addictive, not just the money, but the attention too. i catch myself checking messages during lunch, replying when i should be chilling, constantly waiting for the next notification. it’s not like i even know these guys, but their messages give me that little rush, like someone’s thinking about me, wanting me. sometimes it feels empowering, other times it’s just draining. does that sound messed up?

i’ve had friends say, “girl, you need to set boundaries,” but it’s not as easy as it sounds. when your income depends on how responsive and available you are, it’s tough to step back. i’ll tell myself, just this one time, just a few messages, and suddenly an hour’s gone. the worst part? i’ve started sexting outside of work hours, not because i want to, but because it feels like the only way to stay relevant in the game. even when i’m not on the clock, i’ll catch myself drafting flirty texts in my head, thinking about angles, what i’d say to hook them in. it’s like my brain’s wired for it now, constantly on edge, thinking, “how can i keep them coming back?” it’s not healthy, right? but how do you just stop when you’ve made it your normal?

sometimes i look at my phone and think, “what am i doing?” i used to be so social, going out, hanging with friends, but now my social life is basically these online chats. i know it’s my choice, i know i’m the one who opened the account and started down this path, but i didn’t expect it to get this deep. it’s weird because i’m not even in a relationship, but i feel like i’m constantly ‘with’ someone through these texts. like my real life’s on hold while i live in this virtual flirty bubble. maybe i need to find a better balance, or maybe it’s just part of the hustle. i don’t know. ever been in a situation where the thing you thought you could control just takes over your whole mindset?

i've always been told i'm too skinny; like, what does that even mean? i mean, can a person ever be too skinny? it's not like i'm starving myself or anything. i'm just seventeen. so let me set the scene: i stare into my closet and think about all the clothes that look weird because they hang off my frame like i'm some sort of hanger; everything meant to fit snug and cute, instead, it looks like a cheap mannequin display. i'm a girl who loves fashion magazines, but every article about the size zero models makes me feel inadequate and yet too adequate at the same time. it's crazy, isn't it? instead of being happy with my body, i'm constantly criticized by strangers, "eat a cheeseburger" they say with a laugh that tastes as sour as unwarranted judgment. i roll my eyes at those ignorant remarks, but deep down, it leaves a mark, like a permanent tattoo of self-doubt. even my doctor, who's supposed to be reassuring, goes on about my body mass index, like "girl, i know it's below average, but i eat". it's not like i want to be this way, trust me if i could add a few pounds in a blink, i totally would. have you seen how people treat those with curves? like they’ve discovered the holy grail of acceptance; what a world we live in. in gym class, i'm that girl who avoids the scales and cringes at the sight of a tape measure. the reaction from others is usually a mix of concern and envy, both equally unsettling. ever tried sitting at a dinner table with someone who scrutinizes your plate? "is that all you're eating?" – gosh, yes Karen, that’s all i’m eating today, move on! i can't help but feel like "Goldilocks and the Three Bears" where nothing is just right. why is it acceptable to comment on someone being thin but taboo to mention excess weight? what sort of double standard is this society serving us? casually people assume my life is perfect, just because i'm a size that can squeeze into whatever's on the sale rack. my friends talk about thigh gaps and diet fads, but i’d kill just to fill out a pair of jeans properly. dude, ever heard of "skinny shaming"? it's real, and it sucks. the body positivity movement is powerful, and i believe in it, but hey, it’s selective sometimes. everyone rallies for "all shapes and sizes", until it’s a shape and size they think doesn't fit into their narrative. i get it though – i'm not complaining about my health or anything, i know i'm lucky, but can we talk about how i feel for a moment? once, during a biology lecture about metabolism rates, i flinched at the professor’s words, imagining the class thinking i’m some anomaly. when did this competitive, comparative analysis become our new norm? no one seems to grasp that metabolism isn't just another word for magic tricks, it's basic biology, yet i feel judged by my own cellular processes. how insane is that? magazine covers might say "thin is in," but try being seventeen and "in" feels like living under a microscope where every move is critiqued, not celebrated. everyone wants me to meet their subjective ideal instead of accepting the fluctuating, unpredictable human form i house. sometimes i wonder if it’ll ever change, or if i’ll just become more desensitized to the pokes and jabs over time. maybe i've been quoting too much Sartre, who knows, i’m just trying to navigate this minefield called adolescence with a sense of humor and a thick skin thinner than i’d like it to be. at least i know i’m not alone in this, the internet forums prove that – lots of underweight teens encouraging and sharing tips and stories to empower one another. we need more of that solidarity, don't you think? so, what's the verdict, internet stranger? any revolutionary tips for a girl who's frustrated, tired of being quantified by caloric intake and body fat percentage when really, she just wants enough room to be herself? after all, life’s complicated enough without having to wage a war with the scale every morning. 🥺