Health and Wellness Failures Stories

I hate commiting to people, they're unpredictable and it takes to much effort to stay friends or whatever else a relationship may want to tilte itself as. At times my mental health is just doing bad, or I just realized how bad they actually are. Other times I feel like they don't need me, or don't actually like me. So I leave. People always make me so tired, no matter how hard I try I end up leaving them idk why... and I may be a horrible person but at least I'm starting to realize that people arent for me. I don't need them. Theres a hole that no one can ever seem to fill.

https://emontal.com/vent-chat

that's where I post the most

I posted this for you (you know who you are)

you can try to stalk me there if you want

Summer started great. Needed some extra money so started two new jobs on top of my regular. Was great for the summer since i dont have money to go anywhere. But then it all went downhill when summer ended as did my contract with the extra jobs. Summer job nr. 1 boss says she doesnt have money so cant pay for (the remaining half of) my work so she owes me money. ((Paycheck due 1 month ago)). Right in the middle of this shitshow of back and forth messaging trying to get through to her i get sick. The flu. A MONTH LONG FLU. Coughing like crazy.. and im still working two jobs because i have to earn money and the doctor wont let me take sick leave because of a flu for a month. I WORK AT A CATERING BUSINESS. I went to three weddings with the worst flu and Im just sooo tired. Sick tired and broke. Because of all the stress, I now am overthinking everything and im slowly going insane.. i cant be the only one right?

Is it normal for me to feel hatred towards people who haven't done anything, like I've noticed that I'm genuinely starting to dislike one of my closet friends, but the thing is, is that they haven't done anything wrong. they've been nothing but supportive towards me and the things I've been going through but not matter what I still can't shake the feeling that I don't feel the same way I used to towards them. I would stop being friends with them for this certain reason but I don't want to loose them as well, we've been through so much together, I wouldn't be able to forget about them, but I also don't understand why I feel the way I do...

I’ve been struggling with functional depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder. I stopped taking most of my medications on my own for months because I started to hate them. They made me gain a lot of weight — the doctor even told me it was just an increased appetite and wouldn’t actually make me fat, but my weight went up a lot and hasn’t dropped even after stopping the meds.

Now it’s really heavy on me mentally. I don’t even want to look at the pills anymore. After stopping, I can’t control my mind from going to negative thoughts. Right now, I’m only taking the medication for my newly diagnosed bipolar disorder.

How should handle this? How do people usually cope with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder in a healthier way?

I feel that many people disrespect one's solitude. In fact, they see the messages one writes about it and attack it, making it seem like a shock. Indeed, loneliness isn't one's entire world; however, when faced with difficult experiences, I think it's advisable to spend time alone to reflect on it.

Many people tend to exaggerate about loneliness. They make it seem like it's everything in life. I'd like to express to many people that the world isn't just your friends, but your very life as well. It's about having a balance.

I was recently writing a story on a writers' website, and they started judging me, not the story. I feel like people sometimes get carried away when one talks about the subject; they try to find fault with the other, the origin of why I wrote this way or why I said that. They try to personalize everything. On a writers' website or in a group about it, what matters is just getting into what's at stake, not going beyond it.

Loneliness is a beautiful topic to explore given that it's not often talked about. I feel it's helpful for reaching boundaries. I used to be someone who spent time in groups and always sought to be part of one, but I reached a point where I noticed things weren't proceeding naturally. Also, when I somehow looked beyond or let myself get carried away, I always ran into trouble. I feel that loneliness is a precise time to see what I was getting involved in. I think it will give me the perspective to see where I truly belong. It's not about having a place because others make room for you; that speaks to the fact that sooner or later that will fall apart.

I still don't understand, and that's why the character's comment affects me so much, because it is so questionable. No one knows what loneliness entails at first. It's all a fear of sensations, and no one seeks tools to deal with them. If you're lonely for some reason and you don't see any other way out, in order to guarantee your integrity, I personally believe that we need to find ways to do something with what we feel, not wallow in it, or see what we're experiencing as hell. I feel that wouldn't be fair to us.

People prevent us from delving deeper into loneliness. They always want to get away from it at all costs. That's why, of course, many of us, when we were with our families, it was a segregated place, most likely, because it meant not being with others. Why should not being with others be bad? Indeed, there are times when we may feel bad, but we must take into account that sometimes people won't be there, and we can't allow ourselves to abandon ourselves in those moments. The search for others can't become an addiction; that is, the fear of falling into a situation, which could be, is present; you never know.

Many therapists radically reject this idea. In fact, you get the ambiguous idea that being alone isn't always good, but of course, one wonders under what conditions. These therapists aren't serving as guides for us to consolidate these conditions. In fact, therapy itself, for many professionals, is an ambiguous approach, which surely results in a repetition of notions. The idea is that one can consolidate facts to gain the momentum to act, in an integrated manner, not in an intellectualized way, an issue in which the therapist should support us, but many are unable to visualize, to facilitate the process, something that other people who aren't trained can't do.

I remember a therapist telling me how to think when the point is precisely to think naturally, spontaneously, to deal precisely with whatever is at stake. Otherwise, what you're doing is conspiring a kind of patch, a spectrum of things, that merely verify that what you're doing is right, according to the character's approval. It's not about exerting control over ideas, but rather about taking whatever paths we must take. Frankly, today, the idea of ​​resorting to violence is ridiculous, given that we always seek stability by inertia, always; that's what our processes—our personal processes—are based on. We may appear to be going to be violent, but in the end, let's be clear, this is a facade or at least a warning of when we are being taken to extreme situations where we are not as we always were because we are not in the same conditions as always.

With the mindset I've developed over the last few days, I feel deeply impacted by the behavior of these people and these therapists. In the end, things turn out to be completely similar: a terrible mental health professional is the same as an individual who doesn't know what to do with a certain circumstance—the same, but under a range of prejudices. I feel disappointed by the therapists I sought out because the very idea is to provide solutions, methodologically concrete answers, not something outside of them. Without methodology, then, we're doing nothing.

I feel that many therapists stick to following protocols, in a way that's completely detached from the case, applying them however they feel comfortable. This is the reason they act distantly and without delving into the case, always trying to get the person to follow the path. The aforementioned therapist always looked for ways to address the distancing she created from her; I understand that this was a symptom; to this day, I doubt that this person has realized that I didn't want to work with her. In fact, this character returned at my father's request, despite all this evidence. He simply speaks to me as someone who isn't concerned, who seeks the origin of the issue in my personality, detaching himself from the notion that if I act this way in the relationship, it's because of the pink issue in the relationship. My senses aren't disconnected from reality. Organically, I'm fine. But this being, even with a doctorate, I didn't understand this, and I highly doubt I still understand it today, and it's somewhat disappointing. Frankly, I wouldn't want to think this way because money was invested in it, and it hurts.

The person's comment affects me greatly because it makes me return to that therapist. Of course, this allows me to develop the story. In fact, I feel so frustrated that it has become a constant headache, and it has been lessening as I compose my story of interaction with the character. This is something I don't allow therapists, or other therapists, precisely because of the fear of repression. It's something that's extremely difficult to do.

Every day, I also find myself surprised by another therapist. It's that when he becomes aware of many things, it really hurts. I didn't like these considerations I'm receiving because they're hurting me. Anyway, with this other therapist, despite the disqualification he made, the establishment's entry into conflict with me to guide me through life by comparing me with others, restricting me in the expression of my feelings, and scolding me for making people outside the office look bad for me by moving things around, going beyond the purpose of the consultation, this guy had the good fortune to express that he didn't have the maturity at that moment to handle the treatment. Under the pressure I was under, I think it was only natural for that to happen. I don't know where the hell this guy was, frankly. I understand that maturity for him is the ability to give in to whatever he wants. I don't see this guy as a therapist or as a carnival.

So recently I’ve been getting super worried because sometimes my vision randomly goes blurry, and I can’t tell if it’s because I’m stressed or if there’s something actually wrong with me. Like, I’m 16 and I already deal with a lot of anxiety from school, friends, and just life in general, but this new thing is freaking me out more than usual. When I’m sitting in class, especially in math or history when I have to stare at the board for a long time, it feels like my eyes just won’t focus and the words kind of smear together. At first I thought maybe I just needed new glasses, but I went to the eye doctor not long ago and he said my prescription barely changed, and that what I’m describing doesn’t really match up with my test results. He told me it might be stress-related, like “ocular fatigue,” and that kind of stuck in my head. So of course I went home and googled it, and I found all these articles and people online saying stress and anxiety can actually make your vision blur because of muscle tension or even breathing weird when you’re nervous. It made sense because this happens the most when I’m panicking, like during tests or when I have to talk in front of people. But at the same time I keep overthinking like, what if it’s something worse? I read about migraines with aura, blood sugar drops, and other scary things, and that makes me spiral even more. So now I’m just stuck asking myself over and over—could anxiety really be the reason my vision blurs, or am I missing something serious that needs attention?

There was one day that still bothers me a lot: I was doing a class debate, and my heart was beating way too fast, my palms were sweaty, and all of a sudden the paper I was reading from went blurry like someone smudged it on purpose. It lasted for maybe five minutes, then once I sat back down and calmed down, my sight went back to normal. That kind of makes me think it is anxiety-related, because when my body chilled out, the blurriness went away too. I even read that when you’re anxious, your body makes more adrenaline and cortisol, which messes with your breathing and blood flow, and that can cause temporary vision changes. It’s weird because sometimes it happens when I’m not even feeling that anxious, and that makes me question everything again; like maybe I am just overthinking but maybe not. My best friend told me, “you’re worrying about worrying,” and she’s probably right, but I can’t stop noticing it. I started keeping a little log in my notebook about when it happens, how I’m feeling, and how long it lasts so I can show it to my doctor if it keeps going. I don’t want to ignore it just in case, but I also don’t want to stress myself more if it really is just anxiety playing tricks on me. Do you think anxiety can actually cause blurred vision, or is that just something people say online? And if you’ve had the same thing, how did you figure out if it was harmless or something you needed help with; honestly it’s both comforting and confusing to realize that my brain and body can mess with each other like this 😅

Hiii! Im Ava, i’m a teenager (not saying age) and i struggle with S/A and bullying. I pretend to be happy when in reality i have lots of scars/cuts from my self harm addiction. Sometimes i starve myself. Even though my parents know i do it they don’t care and think i just want attention. I cry a lot yet they still don’t care. One time they beat me for trying to kill myself…

Hey guys, so. I'm 13, and I have had eczema since I was 2. And one time with a dermatologist at 12, she did finally confirm I have eczema. I use moisturizers and hydrocortisone creams if it gets bad, and it's great. My new creams don't give me all that much hyperpigmentation, unlike other creams I've had, which is good! SO yeah. But a full-blown analysis, and the cause? Nah, no, it didn't happen. And I'm scared of dermatologists, because of many things. My grandpa used to be a dermatologist, and he used to be angry. Like, ultra-mad, so mad that as both an anesthesiologist and dermatologist, he'd yell at EVERYONE, when he'd have a patient he wouldn't really care, and when my dad (his son) got acne problems, the creams were so bad that if dad immediately stopped, his skin would dry fast and if he put the pimples would go but his skin would darken. And from watching dermatologists in movies and YouTube, they all seem very judgy, very weird, always obsessed with your skin (I know it's their job, but I mean OBSESSED), and would create new insecurities for you. And I've heard from my gut feelings if they're with teens, with any skin issues, they're gonna roast the hell out out of you, make you have more insecurities, and feel even worse about your look! Trust me, I have eczema and acne at the same time, and while cutting cashews has reduced my pimples, I get a teeny tiny amount of pimples right before my periods, but nothing horrible, unless the dermatologist says so and I need birth control. And eczema? How can a girl have it since 2?? I don't know, just how? I'm just weird like that. But yeah, I just feel weird, around any doctors. Like they'll only see me as some sort of sick body, and I already feel bad about my looks and chronic disease, because what if when I grow up, nobody would like me for it? All girlfriends I see online have perfect smooth skin. And I'm the crusty rock.

so like idk if I like want to go to the football game tonight, I mean I don’t have a choice since I’m playing with the band and my ginger’s gonna be there so I cant just not go but what if the weird thing happens again? what if my brain decides to take a nap in the middle of the halftime show, when we’re performing? I mean I know it doesn’t have any visible effects, its not like i’ll collapse or anything, but if it happens I might stop playing or marching or smt. besides I’m just too tired for this man.

and if my head does do the dream walking thing, anyone got any ideas to help like snap myself out of it?

Sorry if I sounded too blunt or rude. Anyways, this is a bit of an extension, but I have some questions. Do you guys hate neurotypicals? Do you guys hate all weird sounds or touch or smells? If I say something rude to you on accident in the moment will you leave me and be forever angry? Do you take everything very personally? Is it okay for me to focus on your needs more than mine and always be what you want? Does your mental disability excuse what wrong things you do, because I feel that as a NT, I should tolerate such behaviors I find annoying or uncomfortable because in the end, I'm a dumb neurotypical next to a person who is from a group who's been heavily stigmatized and abused for years, so maybe me getting hurt is alright. Do you guys always hate NT people's interests? Should I mask myself for you because if autistic people mask it's not good but if neurotypicals mask it's okay because they're not mentally ill? Should I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and inflating myself from anxiety I may hurt you in horrible ways? Should I change myself so you can feel comfortable, because if you change it's bad because autistic folks masking is bad, but if I do it it's good? Do you guys hate physical touch? When you have a meltdown, do you guys want everyone out of the room, and during meltdowns do you have every right to say mean things to me? Trust me, at 13, sometimes I feel like a rude jerk, and maybe that's why I don't have friends. During meltdowns, can you guys hit or yell at me? During meltdowns can you throw objects around? During meltdowns, should I stay quiet and leave the room? And when we're together, should I always choose to stay quiet? Because I heard that selective mutism can help in these cases? I feel if an NT person gets hurt or bruised, it doesn't count as bad because we're not disabled, we're very much okay and healthy and maybe just stronger, but if it's you maybe it hurts a lot. Maybe this full question is dumb, like me.

lately, I find myself crying way more than I should. it's not like there's a specific trigger all the time, but sometimes it just creeps up on me, you know? I'm 27, and it feels like everything is just off track. There's this expectation by now to have it somewhat figured out. Maybe not the entire map, but at least a decent compass. But here I am, lacking a stable relationship, which feels more pressing because I have this deep-seated desire to have kids. It's like a yearning that's there, no matter how hard I try to suppress it. The biological clock is a very real thing, or at least it feels like one. Is that a silly thing to worry about?

my family doesn't seem to get it. They've always had this traditional view of what "success" looks like, and somehow, I've never quite fit the mold. An engineer would have made them proud, but here I am, a woman with creative aspirations that seem to always land me in unstable jobs. Every time I start a job, my anxiety peaks, worrying about whether this one's a keeper or just another gig I'd be dropping soon. Sometimes, I feel like I'm letting them down, which adds another layer to this emotional rollercoaster I'm on. Do you ever feel trapped in other people's expectations?

it's terrifying watching the advancement of AI technologies. There's so much talk about AI reshaping industries, automating jobs, and streamlining processes. While it all sounds incredible, it leaves people like me worried about our place in the workforce. I've read articles about how AI might replace a lot of professional roles, and while this innovation sounds great theoretically, in reality, it feels like a looming shadow. I want a fulfilling office job, one where I feel challenged and valued, but what if AI makes me irrelevant? Is it just fear-mongering, or is this something others are worried about too?

i've also tried talking to friends about it, some empathize, and others give me the same old spiel – that I'm overthinking. There's this quote I've come across multiple times that says something about how crying is an emotional release from the soul. I wish understanding that made it easier to handle. But, honestly, sometimes these tears is more about frustration and uncertainty than any soulful release. Like even though I'm not physically in danger, my emotions are on high alert most times, and letting them out just becomes a way to cope. Is it normal to feel this way in your late twenties?

with everything being as it is, I sometimes wonder if crying is me just having my own coping mechanism, whether it's due to my unsettled expectations or anxiety about the future. It's just that crying doesn't always leave one feeling better; oftentimes, it just makes the sadness more profound once the tears have stopped. Sharing this feels like standing on a virtual street with a cardboard sign screaming for someone to understand. yet, there’s a comfort in anonymity and the hope that maybe someone will nod along, having felt the same weight at some point. Have you ever cried for reasons which seemed unexplainable once you tried to express them? 🤔

[TW: Mentions of Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts, Verbal Abuse, Harassment and Politics.]

Hi. I'm an artist and aspiring author with a lot on my plate, so I'll cut to the chase; I'm angry, lost, frustrated, and I don't know what the hell do to with myself anymore.

I graduated high school right when Covid struck years ago, I never had a proper graduation and lost the chance to go on a class field trip to Paris. That was about the last time I saw most of my real life friends and former classmates until I moved further away in the state I live in. Since then, I've tried making a few connections online, and it went well for a good while, even allowing myself to earn a bit of a reputation as a former online creator who posted art and made videos.

After high school and my so-called "graduation", I took college courses online, since I had no other choice with Covid running rampant, and got a degree in graphic design. I had just entered my early 20s and I didn't know where to look in terms of a career at the time (I didn't even have experience with a part time job), and fear that I may have taken too long with AI taking over the world, art and writing jobs especially (should be noted that I absolutely despise AI by the way).

Around the same time, my grandmother had been living with my family and I, and due to internal turmoil involving herself and my father, she snapped one day and was packing her things to leave, suddenly threatening to abuse me and send me to prison (for no reason) right in front of my youngest sister as she was leaving. She had never reached out to apologize. but instead sent gifts and letters to both my father and youngest sister, which speaks volumes about how she feels.

Not too long ago, I since cut ties with a long-standing online friend group because of my own mistakes that I made years ago. Mistakes that I was never directly told about until the moment everything went wrong. For the longest time I was under the impression that our past mistakes (from both myself and my ex-friends) were water under the bridge since we were getting along so well at the time, only to find out they had been keeping the truth from me and allegedly pretended to stay friends with me for several months (their words directly as we were cutting ties) before we separated. To my own fault, I hadn't been on my best behavior around the time either.

I felt lost for a year, and even now I still do. I've since gone to therapy for a year, have done everything I could to help support my family, returned to college (in person, for the first time since Covid hit) to take classes towards an IT based degree and made new friends both online and on campus at college thanks to common interests.

But now, I feel lost and overwhelmed. This one's a doozy.

My college work, specifically the IT material I have to study, has become too much to handle at times.

The country I live in is practically in shambles and falling apart no thanks to the government or the controversial president that both of my parents had voted for, with seemingly no hope for a livable future in my current condition.

My therapist could no longer provide for me due to an error on their part with the therapy providing company, resulting in me debating on whether I want to move on with my mental health or completely start over from scratch with a new therapist who knows nothing about me.

My ex-friends (I heavily assume) kept a hold of my old phone number and address when we were close, and have been using both to continuously harass and remind me of my past mistakes even after blocking multiple phone numbers, going so far as to attempt to doxx my location and taunt me on the recently popular wplace website.

My parents got divorced, leaving me with even more responsibilities after nearly having our current home sold to find a new one for the remainder of our family.

My current workplace (which is fine in general) unnecessarily stresses me out from time to time despite being a form of escape from both home and schoolwork.

And AI is, unfortunately, continuing to grow for whatever reason, taking away even more job opportunities in the creative sphere that I could've found and applied for if I took the chance after getting my graphic design years ago.

All this to say, I'm tired, stressed out, low-key depressed and have contemplated either disappearing or killing myself numerous times. But I haven't.

Despite me voicing these similar concerns to my own mother, she always assures me that I'll be just fine, but I find that hard to believe. I don't know what my future holds for me, or if I'll even have a future at all. I still love drawing and writing, and am even working on a Lord of the Rings-style fantasy novel that I'm hoping to publish one day, but the continuous push for AI to be the norm (despite sometimes motivating me to do better in my own work) is simultaneously bringing me down with how much the slop it creates is being accepted compared to human works, art and writing alike.

My pursuit for a better paying career (since most art and writing jobs nowadays simply don't pay a livable wage for whatever reason) has been stressful, and trying to learn IT in college through strenuous book reading, extensive memorization and less-than stellar exam scores has only been pushing me away from the career path than motivate me. It's not what I wanted to do. Creating things with art and writing is what I want to do, and it's unfair that wanting to be creative in this way is an extremely difficult way to live in comparison.

Even though the thoughts of suicide linger every now and then, I never feel the urge to physically do anything about it. Despite everything, I still love my family and want to be around to help them in any way I can. I can barely imagine how they'd react if they found out I was gone in any way. I also want to continue making an impact on the world with my works, past mistakes aside, and create both art and literature that people can enjoy and possibly find inspiration from, knowing I didn't give up when everything was difficult in my own life.

Which leaves me in a sort of limbo, to be perfectly honest. I really don't know what to do with myself, or how I can pick myself up from feeling down about life all the time, and continue existing like everything's fine.

Any help or advice, while not required by any means, would be greatly appreciated. Even reading through this means a lot to me.

Um so basically my issue is that I just don't know what's wrong with me anymore. And every day that goes by, I feel more and more ready and sure that I don't want to be here anymore. And every single day I wake up and suicide is the only thing that I think of. It's the only thing in my mind. And I've thought of every possibility and every scenario. And the aftermath and the preparations. But I just, I can't bring myself to do it. Because I'm a coward. And I'm just scared of what would happen if I did actually succeed. And the truth is, I don't even know if I want to die. But I know that I would rather die instead of living this life that I don't want. And nobody knows about this. Not even my therapist or my closest friends. But I just wish they'd see the signs because I don't understand anymore. Because I always joke about it. I'm depressed. I've been depressed for the past few months. And I tried to open up to my mom about it and she thought it was a joke. And I'm too scared to tell my therapist because I don't want to get locked up in a mental institution. And I just don't know what to do anymore. Because tomorrow I just have to be back at school with a smile on my face. And nobody, nobody ever knows. And the first thing that I say when somebody asks if anything is up with me is say no, I'm okay. And this isn't like there's so many other things. How I've been starving myself because of my anxiety. I've lost all of my appetite. I do not eat anything at school for eight hours. Only gum and energy drinks. I've been smoking a lot. And then when I come home I barely eat any dinner. And then I just go to bed again. And I'm just so fat and ugly. I genuinely just can't even picture my future. I'm so pathetic and ugly and fat and worthless and literally such a burden to anybody. I'm a burden to even my own mom. So, I don't know, I just had to get this out. Hoping that maybe somebody would see this. Not because I hope somebody relates because I don't wish this upon anyone. So just know, if you relate to this, you matter.

I'm 13, and I get periods. They hurt sometimes but they tell me I'm fine. I've had them when I was 9, which is pretty early for some reason. I've got bad days, okay days, and days where for some reason my pubic regions hurt, not my abdomen. I've never taken painkillers for this since hey, I could at least manage for a while. When it's too much, sitting down somewhere helps and hot showers too. But some women don't like it, and hate it so much they take birth control, or they feel proud and celebrate when they hit menopause maybe at 45. So does that mean I should do what they do for whatever reason, like gender dysphoria, they don't wanna get pregnant, it hurts too much or sensory issues? They do it for all the reasons, even when I don't get them. Maybe I'll get them later when I'm older. Should I Take birth control, have an IUD, maybe arm implant, or a hysterectomy, or maybe get early menopause. They all do it, and I feel like I'm missing out. All adults I see do that, and woman said, "I'm glad I got menopause. It's not as bad as people say it is! I absolutely hated the cramps and sensory issues, so this was amazing." Are my periods bad? A lot of them make it seem like this scary, looming danger that will and WILL hurt me.