Health and Wellness Failures Stories

When i was young I had a few inappropriate sexual encounters that I think have ruined me more than I realized. As an adult I'm addicted to porn. Not only that, when I first got the internet I was exposed to everything. Gore, porn, underage porn, everything. Now when I'm online I feel like I turn into a numb zombie, with a one track mind. a ride I can't get off, there is no escape and I feel like death is the only way to redeem myself or put an end to these compulsions.

As an adult I spend more time finding porn than actually looking at it. for the last few years I have been trying to find new, different stuff to be excited about. This has turned into me losing control. When the idea pops in my head I jump into the passenger seat of my own mind. I feel like I have no control. I start digging, grey out, then come back to reality, disgusted, depressed, and frantic.

I spend most of my waking hours depressed, frantic, and paranoid. The addiction is no longer fun or satisfying. it is a pure compulsive behavior and I really don't know what to do. The reason for the extreme guilt and disgust is due to the sites I visit. I've always sought amateur Webcam type content, I think traditional porn is too fake. the problem is some of the sites I found with this type of content had underage content. In the moment, it doesn't bother me, afterwards I want to die.

in reality those thoughts are not in my mind. I have come to the conclusion that I seem to be addicted to "finding something not meant to be found" or even worse, im addicted to depression. when i feel good about myself, have a good day or get some kind of self confidence boost, it sends me into a spiral and I feel like i need to remind myself im a huge piece of shit and kick me down where I need to be.

i have never saved or shared any illegal content, the disturbing thing is if you just google the right words everything is easy to find and access. I cant tell anyone, I even started therapy but can't speak the real truth. I don't even know if this is truly anynoymous, at this point I feel like turning myself into the police just so I can be removed from all access to the internet. I don't believe im a bad person, I don't actually have perverse thoughts about doing anything taboo. I'm just addicted to digging into the depths of the internet, getting disgusted with myself, and finding a valid reason to end my own life.

ill probably get judged here, but i really need advice on how to be the person I truly am and get rid of this monster taking over my brain.

I'm feeling a little bit sad because I'm messing all my progress with my healthy life style. I mean no junk food, go to the gym and all that stuff. I don't drink neither smoke since always because I don't like it so in that stuff I'm more than fine at least. I was doing it really great. But since june I've been eating a lot of junk food and not doing any kind of exercise and I'm truly disappointed with myself. I made a big promise and I don't wanna break it. I know can do better than this.

Suicide is justified

why shouldn’t we choose to exit? Death is inevitable anyway whether I die at 17, 47, or 89, the end is the same. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Helping, studying, relationships don’t fill the void so why keep patching something unfixable? Even if life improves later, that’s still a gamble right now suffering feels endless, and it’s unfair to force someone to endure just because “it might get better.” Life feels like theft, not gift born without consent, condemned to suffering, then robbed by death.

suicide isn’t just “choice,” it’s the end of all choices. If you exit now, you deny your future self the possibility of ever choosing differently. The amount of life experienced is the difference. If meaning is something you can create, then more time = more possibility. the void isn’t eliminated, it’s carried differently. That shift (existential acceptance) changes how much power the void has. Suicide blocks that possibility forever. I agree but I have no motivation to play this game.

you can decide whether to treat life as a burden or a canvas. The injustice of being born doesn’t mean the only justice is exit. Suicide hands victory to those who hurt you; living (even broken, even with void) is resistance. I agree and I don't want victories anymore.

I may never “fix” happiness, but i can still create meaning or peace and that possibility only exists if i stay. Right?? Yes but pain is unbearable and there's no way I can fill this void.

Uncertainty Principle (Heisenberg) Nothing is 100% fixed. Even particles don’t have definite positions/velocities until observed. Exactly: The “permanence” of my void is also uncertain. Just like particles, my inner state isn’t fixed. As we know Quantum Superposition A particle can exist in many states at once until measured.

Science and medicine can’t fill a void; it can change conditions so that the void stops swallowing everything. It can raise the floor (sleep, nutrition, meds), loosen the grip (therapy skills), and make room where meaning-making is possible.

“In quantum mechanics, X (a cause) doesn’t force only one effect (Y). It creates a range of possible outcomes {Y, Z, A…}. Which one becomes real depends on interaction/observation in life, that’s your choices and actions, But Possibility ≠ happiness it is only the chance. The void remains, yet the collapse is yours."

Suicide is a rational solution to suffering. you can't know what comes after death. If it's nothingness, yes, suffering ends. But if it's something (unknown state, spiritual consequence, ripple effect), the assumption breaks. I believe in nothingness. Life has no inherent meaning suicide is neither wrong nor right. Life has no meaning but precisely because of that, we must create our own meaning. Suicide "skips the responsibility" of creating. Yes, life is suffering, but the measure of a human is how they bear suffering and turn it into strength. Ending it early is abandoning your post. Since you didn't choose birth, the only place you do have choice is what you make out of this forced existence. Isn't it cruel to ask someone drowning in despair to wait for an uncertain tomorrow, when their suffering is certain today? void of meaninglessness certainty vs possibility. I Don't ask "what makes me happy?" I Ask "what makes me 2% lighter?" Still nothing works I'm not happy anymore. I used to believe When meaning is present, happiness sneaks back as a by-product. But I'm Wrong. Same with emotional rewiring. Only from stability can happiness grow. But slowly I'm feeling it will not work. Years of disappointment/ trauma condition me to "not expect joy" so even when it's there, i don't trust it. It's not the genuine happiness I feel. My brain doesn't take it. I have seen through the game of "do this be happy." i realize the loop is empty so happiness feels fake. I agree partially, studying 24/7

doesn't give me happiness but it can give me purpose. "Purpose sustains you when happiness can't." I do partially agree.

The unfair part of life is that we didn't choose to be born yet we're expected to carry on as if there's nothing wrong. When we didn't decide to whom or how we're born, why should we continue living a miserable life when there's a way out? There is far too much obsession with "success" and material gain, and not enough empathy. Suicide isn't selfish. What's truly selfish is neglecting someone so badly to the point that they want to kill themselves.

I feel like the only reason that suicide wouldn't be justified in the ultimate sense) is if your life still contains obligations (unfinished responsibilities to others, society, or even to yourself).

I don't feel happy... there's no happiness trust me.

So guys, this is about some stuff where I need your guidance and experience with this. I'm a young teen, and I have some stuff which bums me out like some chronic illnesses. I suffer eczema, and have been since I was 2 years old. As much as I have the creams, I hate putting them. I hate feeling that I can't ever be a girl who can wear makeup or dress up like a regular girl my age, I can only put on creams and Vaseline with lip balm. I feel like a stone with eczema, not a girl. I even developed a new set of allergies from cat fur, so now I can't even pet my cousins's three pet cats without sneezing and swelling up, and I discovered this while being at their place and one time in Malaysia, in a cat cafe when I petted a chonky cat, rubbed my eyes and it swelled. Now my orthodontist saw that my adenoids and tonsils are more sensitive than usual, hence why I cough more easily when eating cold ice cream or drinking cold stuff. Maybe I have asthma because my maternal grandma has for many decades now, and while hers has gotten better (she doesn't use an inhaler much and stays with the three cats), but she's 64 now. Now with a lot of these health concerns, I wanna give up so badly.

I don't wanna meet up with an allergist or ENT or dermatologist because it's too expensive for my parents and besides, my paternal grandpa used to be a dermatologist, and he was kinda brash. He would yell at everyone, like, EVERYONE, at work, patients, his family and he's now quite jaded with many things, binging all sorts of carbs and foods and not going out much. He's 75 now. I just wanna give up, I already don't feel like a girl and I hate my eczema, my tonsils, my allergies, and my fear of developing asthma because they're part of the atopic triad. I just wanna doomscroll, not do anything, binge all the snacks and sweets to become like my grandpa, and isolate from people because they are all more normal than me. I feel so hopeless, and I wanna know, if anyone is like me. Anyone who's a teen, or anyone with asthma, eczema, or allergies, I wanna know.

Sabotage eh? Was planned all along? Don't complain if my work is wrong what I was taught wrong all along?

I express that I feel tearful. Why is there no efficient psychotherapy service in my country? I feel extremely hurt. Friends, it's impossible that not a single one of the psychotherapists I turned to was able to help me with my problems; instead, I had to do everything on my own. The very symptoms I was carrying kept returning, and no one cared. These enormous individuals, narcissists, con artists, weren't concerned about doing their job. There's nothing more unpleasant than going to a professional and having them come up with a series of inefficiencies, make you believe they're correct, have the good fortune to prolong therapy as long as they want, and on top of that, offer you a return.

It's horrible to feel that none of those therapists were concerned about doing their job, none. In fact, I ended up using one of these individuals to get them to say I'm fine and thus get rid of the people who were on my nerves, insisting that I was unstable or something like that. How is it possible that this therapist didn't realize I was more focused on using it for that than anything else? It was all based on a sad complacency: completing psychotherapy so they'd leave me alone. On top of that, the surrounding psychotherapists were determined to keep me in therapy, which felt, as you can see from my previous words, like a prison I couldn't escape. I had to find excuses to get out of the psychotherapies I was undergoing, which weren't simple, but precise. It's horrible to feel that something that should be healing turns out to be exactly the opposite, in some ways, and not transparent at all. And in this spirit, the psychotherapists, at least in my country, dared to express that I should go to one. This outrages me and made me feel like I was facing a group that only sought to maintain a position of power over me, even at the expense of my health. It's appalling, and it's something that others supported, especially my father, who is a doctor and who sought such status.

It's incredible, in general terms, how the health sector has based its discourse no longer on being a health producer but, quite the opposite, on an entity that simply seeks social dominance. How can we not think that these entities serve an international entity that could very well serve others? My father insisted that I give in to therapy at all costs. In other words, even in this environment I'm in, they cared about the conditions I was in and how well they were leading me to define myself as a patient as something else. It's like feeling the environment pressuring me to go to psychotherapy, and at the same time, the therapist forcing me to go, against my will, inducing changes that don't favor my development. For me, these psychotherapies became simple conversion therapies, simply a way to be submissive to the environment. Perhaps this issue, from what I'm seeing, isn't as unusual as I thought. This makes me understand why cinema is killing off psychotherapists these days, and because it's international in scope, this problem is going beyond the borders of my country.

How disappointing to be told about a service that can help you with your problems, and it's, in fact, urgent, and you find yourself facing this. The worst part of the situation is that psychotherapists and those around you accuse you, for appearing frustrated, of not being cooperative with the process, that is, of not showing yourself as they think you should. So, what's happening to them? Does the patient have to meet expectations of what's expected from the therapeutic work or be a product of the therapeutic work? Frankly, I think it's the latter. It's incredible how far such a delicate process has been taken, such as assessment, perhaps more so than surgery. I'm truly shocked. The most horrible thing is that no one talks about this at all, although I've seen some insights into it, but the problem is that it's not done in my country. This guild is being blindly admired, like many other guilds, which implies or only encourages abuse by professionals, which is in effect an attitude completely unprofessional. I can only say that my country, under these conditions and assuming there is no support, is going to go bankrupt, but by the professionals themselves, the issue no longer even being about political conditions, and it makes me feel fearful of my stay on this earth.

It's incredible, but instead of being scared of the government, I'm scared precisely for those who are not the government. I have often observed that the population uses this entity as an excuse to escape their responsibilities, pointing to their own impulsiveness turned into reality in entities that belong to the government. At this point, it makes one wonder if it's really worthwhile to study the government, when in reality should be about the people themselves. It's said that the government provides insecurity, however, I see that the entities that produce it are the population itself, and in the form of opaque crime, since professional abuse is one form of it. It's impressive how far we've come in my country, as a people, these days. This is definitely not what I expected to find when I left my family. It's practically becoming the same constitution as theirs, that is, a defense of the roles obtained through hard work and the consequent ability to achieve a leading discourse through words specific to the domain. With professionals, this is translating into a simply leading discourse and the use of certain technical terms, and this is what the people are defending, without questioning it, which marks it as inactive.

It's appalling that this has happened to psychotherapists, who are the primary ones who should exercise essential caution with every word dictated, without exception, because every word counts. This, in turn, requires constant review of the work done, given the consequences each practice leaves behind, something I, in fact, never experienced with any of the psychotherapists. My country is becoming a place where, as a result of the great instability that leads to a desperate search for solutions, there are leaders who seek to dominate people within a certain realm, thus achieving, as with my family, an absolute disrespect for the independent spirit, descending into their denigration in such realms regarding what leads to such a modus operandi, always seeking a suggestion. Indeed, in the environment I live in, identity integrity is a superficial element and worthy of being changed by the environment, according to the circumstances. I never imagined things were this serious.

Indeed, if I mention anything like this to those around me, they won't pay attention to a single word I say. They'll pick up on it, but it will be as if I'd never said anything, just like what happened in my family. I can now understand why I've navigated this situation with great astuteness, something that has certainly not been the case for many people in my country. It's ironic, but having ties to a wounded, hegemonic family has its advantages when it comes to experiencing conditions of instability—of course, when you begin to visualize the elements that constituted it.

This is more like a health question/vent. This is more on the sickness bit and not my age. Anyways, I suffer eczema and have cat allergies that came recently at 13. I had eczema since I was 2, and it has been bumming me out more at 13. The reason is because I always see folks like models with such glossy and pretty skin, with no acne, and while cutting cashew nuts did get rid of my acne (which is good). This is stuff like, where, I feel bad that I have eczema. I now hate even more how my skin flakes, how it makes me feel old, how it makes my lips look whitish pink than the regular lip pink, and how much it looks bad and spooks my dad even when he's seen it for years, and it sucks. I'm 13, and I know insecurity is what I should be feeling at this age about my appearance, but I just wish I was better than this since most girls in my class have clear skin.

And then I got a random cat allergy when I was in Malaysia when I rubbed a chubby cat, and then I rubbed my eye and it swelled so much. And then at my relative's house the same happened but not as bad. Now I fear I may get asthma because eczema, allergies and asthma are all part of the atopic triad. My maternal grandma has it, she's 64, and somehow I don't see her much with an inhaler and she's more chill with cats but her leg skin is dry af. I fear dermatologists because my paternal grandpa was both a dermatologist and anesthesiologist back in the 70s, and the pressures made him so rude and angry to patients, his family, senior doctors, and his own siblings too.

And I'm scared if I will get judged for my skin, for how gross and flaky and ugly it is. By the doctors. And I'm afraid if I'll never live like a regular human again if I ever get diagnosed with asthma.

I sometimes just wanna desperately eat all the sweet, sugary junk food I can if I ever will, just because if at least I die from asthma, at least it's sugary and sweet, like a cute filter with bears and puppies.

I feel I can never own a fluffy animal like a cat because of allergies and no cat is truly hypoallergenic, and lizards, frogs, fishes and snakes feel so emotionally distant they'll only see me as their food giver and not their parent who wants to love them but can't because they lack that emotional bit

Just, anyone with asthma or eczema wanna tell me what dermatologist visits are like (last time I went I was 2 and I can't remember), how you guys manage, what it was like when you got diagnosed, and I just wanna know if you can ever own a fluffy animal like a cat without wheezing or swelling.

I'm not even shocked at this point hahahah they've done that to me before years before they gonna do it again right now lol 😂

This is not for minors I dunno don't read if you can't, be safe. This is going to be about sexual stuff. This is going to include topics like SA! and other disturbing shit. I don't know if the story really fits the category but i couldn't find a better one. It's going to be long, so yall can skip it I don't mind. This also may be nonsensical because i cant write.

So starting off I'm very, very messed up. Im scared to talk about this even to a therapist and I will understand if you tell me im disgusting and horrible. Heres me trying to explain how I got to this point.

The first time i heard about sex was when i was in kindergarten. I don't remember much but I remember one of my friends walked in on her parents and was telling us about it. I was very confused about what was happening because I'd never heard of it. I don't think i was even given the warning to tell my parents if someone touched me. But that doesn't really matter.

So fast forward like a few years i was at the end of kindergarten like the late years. I hadn't started school yet. My mom during summer would leave me and my sister's at my grandma's for a week and our cousins would come and visit us. My cousin was only a year older than me and I would play with dolls with her. Only the games would be really messed up. She would act out scenarios where the guy was like 20-30 years old and the girl was like 12- 18 at most. In short the stories would normally go like this. The guy kidnaps her, locks her up, r@pes her multiple times and she falls in love with him. Of course at that age i didn't know how messed up it was i didn't even know what was sex and when I asked she gave me a very fuxked up explanation. We were both kids. I was scared my mom would be mad if I told her what we played so I never did.

Now again skipping a few years I'm in school. The boys in my class are even in 1st grade finding porn sites and other shit like that. I still was mostly confused and didn't interact with any of it. Until one day when i was like 12 or 11 or something. My friend invited me over to her house. And she told me: I will show you something but you can't tell anyone. She shows me corn sites... And not even the normal ones like hardcore bdsm shit. And of course like the little stupid kid I was like I got hooked. I have ADHD that might be part of it. At that time I freshly got my first phone that had internet. I immediately got hooked. But my mom caught me. And then we had a sit down talk about what is sex and how it actually works.

And that might've worked if i already wasn't so messed up. I was still watching but i got better at hiding it.

A little while later I joined a fandom. It was fine and cool but the fandom had really gross shipping culture and I stumbled upon it and again got way too into it. First i just found fan content on tik tok. Then it was Fanart then Wattpad and then finally the beast AO3. Even though until this point I had already been seeing some weird shit. AO3 was the thing that took it off the rail. The sorting system on the site is pretty hard for beginners and I started to read some very disturbing and disgusting stuff. I think I got addicted both to mastu*bating and to corn.

And here i am now.

I'm addicted to the shit. I hate myself. Whatever you think I've read I can assure you I've read worse. The thing is I don't normally consume that shit. I feel disgusted when i see it. But when I'm excited it's like my brain turns off and i am ready to see the most disgusting stuff and every time I need something more. And after post nut clarity hits i want to kill myself. And like you may say bdsm thats a normal kink DW. But its not. The shit I read contains noncon sometimes gore and even worse stuff. I'm not actually attracted to any of it. At least I hope so.

Okay that's it. I understand if no-one reads this. And I completely understand that if you do you call me disgusting. I am. I know. I wish it was different. I wish I could just wipe my mind clean. But i cant.

Okay bye have nice day if you read this and even if you didn't.

Yours truly, Most fucked up girl in the world.

my head hurts, I'm dizzy, I can barely breathe. I don't think I'll be able to stomach food, and I can barely swallow the special water my mom gives me every day. I draw a lot, but today the only thing I was able to draw today was Jason Voorhees because of the mask. I feel weak. Mentally and physically. Only 8 days into high school and it's already taking its toll.

Do you hear it, Bowie? The ringing. You've always been here. You can't leave.

I’m becoming a junior in high school soon and Im recovering from a suicide attempt. So my mom is pretty strict and especially with grades so she kept a close eye on my grades growing up and I already had excellent grades because I wanted to impress her, my world basically revolves around my mom since my dad isn’t present in my life because he had gotten married to another woman when my parents split. I kept my grades steady and I made sure to ace every test and do extra credit so my mom could praise me, she bragged about me to the rest of my family and it felt good. It wasn’t until I started high school she began to pressure me more, I didn’t have a lot of friends because I studied during breaks and lunches for upcoming tests. I had also joined clubs and a sport in my freshman year, it made me tired but I wanted to hear my mom say that I did so amazing and I’m so smart. In my sophomore year is when I felt like I began to have a hard time because I felt so isolated from the other students having fun but all I could think about is my mom. And when one of my grades dropped to a letter down in my classes my mom saw and got really mad at me at home she lectured that B’s will get me nowhere in life, I’m acting lazy like my dad and she didn’t give birth to failures. And I just cried and said I’ll do better next time and my mom just said “One of these days you won’t get to have a next time.” And after that day she took my phone and laptop away to help me focus better but she had also started to talk down at me even when i wasn’t doing anything and complain loudly in the house enough so I can hear and feel guilty. I’m not close with anyone in our family either so I couldn’t tell anyone about this. Teachers praised me but I wasn’t comfortable enough, I didn’t know how to cope so I resulted in harming myself for some dumb mistake I did in a test. I don’t want to get into too much detail about how I attempted but all I could think about is when I woke up in the hospital bed with my mom crying next to me asking why I did that and why i didn’t tell her. I just wanted her to hug me and tell me it’s okay. But I’m in therapy now I still love my mom and I’m grateful for her taking care of me playing both parts as a single parent and I’m okay, a little numb because it felt surreal that I did that.

What do you think about "social media detox"?

It's good?

It's bad?

I'm happy and stable but I think that I need to focus on more important things than spending time on social media

Everytime someone is trying to fix something it always comes out the worst but it's fine it is what it is lol

I'm on my journey to lose weight and I'm looking for an easy and always a healthy way to lose weight.

Thanks for the advices, xoxo

Recently, I've realized that when something goes wrong or I make a mistake, I get so frustrated that I make the situation even worse—worse than anyone can imagine. In that moment, I'm uncontrollably passionate in my rage to make it worse, without thinking of the consequences.

​I know this is a devastating fact, but right now, I don't know what to do. I'm in a full-blown rage at myself because of a mistake I made. I'm consumed by how I could have made that mistake. I want to punish myself terribly. I'm burning with anger at myself, wondering how in the world I could have made such a mistake