Health and Wellness Failures Stories

i hate it. the feeling of being seen, like actually seen, not just people glancin at you in the street or passin by, but when someone really looks at you, like they’re tryin to figure you out, like they have questions, like they see somethin in you that you don’t even see in yourself. it makes my skin crawl. i overthink every little thing, how i stand, how i move, if my face looks weird when im just existing, if my voice sounds stupid when i speak. every time i step outside, i feel like im being judged, even if no one is sayin anything. and the worst part? i know most people don’t care, i know logically they’re all too busy with their own lives to be analyzin me, but my brain don’t listen to logic. my brain tells me everyone notices, everyone sees, everyone is thinkin somethin. so i shrink, i make myself smaller, i walk quieter, i avoid eye contact, i make sure i dont take up too much space, bc the less people see me, the safer i feel. but its exhausting. always second-guessing, always panicking about the tiniest things, always wishing i could just exist without feeling like im being watched.

nd it’s not just in public, it’s everywhere. online, in messages, even around people i know. every time i post somethin, i think should i delete it? does this make me look dumb? did i say too much? did i say too little? every time i talk to someone, i replay the convo in my head a thousand times, picking apart everything i said, wondering if i sounded weird or annoying. nd it makes me not wanna talk at all. like, if i never say anything, if i never put myself out there, then theres nothin to be judged, right? but then that feels just as bad, bc i want to connect, i want to be a person, i just don’t want to be perceived while doing it. i don’t want people to have opinions on me, to see me one way when i see myself another, to misunderstand, to assume, to put a label on me i don’t want. nd maybe that’s the problem. maybe i dont even kno who i am without other people’s perception, nd that’s why it scares me so much. bc what if i don’t like what they see? what if they see the real me, and i don’t even know who that is?

man, i swear, i cant do this anymore, i feel like im just existing and nothing matters, like no matter what i do, its just the same thing every day, wake up, feel like shit, go to work, pretend im fine, come home, sit in my room overthinking everything, then go to sleep just to do it all over again, like what is even the point, im so tired, like not just sleepy tired but that deep inside tired that dont go away no matter how much i rest, i feel empty, i feel like nobody even notices me, like i could just stop talking and no one would even care, maybe they’d be relieved, maybe im just annoying, maybe im the problem, i try to tell myself its just a bad phase, that ill get over it, but i been saying that for so long now and nothing ever changes, people say "just talk to someone" but what do i even say?? hey, im miserable and i hate my life and i wish everything was different but its not and i have no idea how to fix it?? yeah, sure, that sounds real normal, theyll just tell me to "stay positive" or "it gets better" but how do they know that it gets better when every day just feels worse, i feel like im stuck, like im trapped in this life i dont even wanna live, and i dont see a way out, i see people happy and i wonder how they do it, how they wake up and actually look forward to things, bc for me there is nothing, i dont have friends, i dont have family that cares, i dont have a future that looks anything but miserable, and no matter how much i try to pretend like im okay, im not, and i havent been for a long time, i feel like a failure, like everything i touch falls apart, like no matter how hard i try i always end up back at zero, people say im young and i have time, but what does that even mean?? time for what, more of this, more feeling like i dont belong, more pretending like im fine when im screaming inside, im so exhausted, and i just want it to stop, i dont even know what that means anymore, all i know is i cant take it anymore, i keep thinking maybe something will change, maybe ill wake up one day and things will feel different, but they never do, and im scared they never will, bc honestly, i dont know how much longer i can keep doing this, its like my body keeps going but my mind checked out a long time ago, nothing makes me happy, nothing excites me, i see people making plans for their future and i dont even know if i want a future, bc what if its just more of this, more feeling alone, more failure, more emptiness, i try to distract myself, i try to push it down, but it always comes back, the feeling that im not meant to be here, that maybe i was never supposed to be here, that maybe im just wasting space, and i know, i know, people say "you matter" but do i really?? bc it dont feel like it, and i just dont know what to do anymore.

I don’t know how people do it. Like, just live without constantly feeling like they’re behind on everything. I spent years studying, working my ass off to get a degree, telling myself it would all be worth it in the end. But now that I’m finally starting my career, I feel like I missed everything else. I see people my age who are already settled, married, some even have kids, and here I am—just getting started, but already exhausted. I don’t even know if I made the right choices anymore. I wanted this, right? A good job, stability, a future. But what’s the point if I have no one to share it with? Every day, I wake up, go to work, come home, eat alone, sleep, and do it all over again. And yeah, I know, “It takes time,” “You’re still young,” blah blah blah. But when does it actually start feeling good? When does it stop feeling like I’m just surviving instead of living?

The worst part is, I want a family. I want love, I want kids, I want a home filled with something real. But it feels like an impossible dream now. Dating is a joke. Either guys don’t take me seriously, or they’re already settled with someone else. And then there’s the career part—if I do find love, if I do get pregnant, what happens to my job? I worked too hard to lose everything just because I want a family. But I also don’t want to wake up at 45 and realize I waited too long, that I let my best years slip away because I was too scared to make a move. I see women balancing it all, and I wonder how the hell they do it. I can barely keep myself together, let alone raise a whole child. And what if it never happens? What if I really do end up alone forever? No husband, no kids, just a job that doesn’t care if I exist outside of my work email. The thought of that keeps me up at night, makes my chest feel tight, makes me wonder if this is just how life is supposed to be for me. And if it is? Then depression sucks.

And what makes it worse? The fact that no one really gets it. People say “just put yourself out there” like it’s that easy, like I can magically force myself to meet the right person when I barely even have the energy to get through the day. They tell me to “enjoy being single”, but what if I don’t? What if I don’t want to spend my weekends third-wheeling my married friends or pretending to have fun at social events just to feel like I belong somewhere? I keep scrolling through pictures of people my age, smiling with their babies, celebrating anniversaries, moving forward in life, while I feel completely stuck. And the worst part is, I don’t even know how to fix it. I can’t just quit my job to chase love, and I can’t force love to happen just because I want it to. So what am I supposed to do? Just wait? Just keep hoping something changes while I feel like I’m running out of time? Because right now, it feels like no matter what I do, I’m always too late for everything that actually matters.

I am sorry that I'm here again to vent about the same things, but I have nowhere else to go, no one to talk to IRL. No one. I wish that that was an exaggeration- if you haven't seen things I've said before my previous posts (I think others can access them here? I can't tell, if not, oops) they have more detail of things. I just really, really needed this out, especially after an awful day with my doctor trying to take away medication that I need to live. She ultimately didn't, I fought too hard and gave her nothing that would let her, but it was clear she wanted to take everything from me just because I live different. Am different.

Home.

That's all I want, is to be able to sit in my room, or on the couch in a place and know that I'm home. I'm supposed to be here, I have safe people around me, I belong and am wanted here. To not feel like, every second of everyday, every moment I'm just waiting for someone to hurt me in some manner. For the government to do or try to do more to declare me unworthy of life.

I am intersex and trans, the government is trying to kill us off, you cannot deny it. If you genuinely still think you can, you're either blind or evil. Or both.

It is, Trump and his cronies are, trying to kill us. He's declared us not to exist, yet also says we should die, is doing anything in his power to make our very existence in itself a crime when all we want is to be ourselves and to live like everyone else. My state in particular just took trans and intersex people out of the Civil Rights Act, so the moment he would succeed, my life would be forfeit.

I'm mixed race, and look at the act from the 1700s he just enacted, allowing him to deport whoever he wants despite being a citizen declaring them dangerous aliens, create internment camps. Look at it. How long until he imprisons and deports lgbtqia2p people as a whole?

We have seen how this goes before, yet no one is stopping it, there are people outside the US blaming all of the country (even us who have been screaming for help and who screamed for people not to let him win) for it. We are just as culpable to them, so there's no chance we'll be granted asylum if we tried to flee. Not until we're being slaughtered in the streets.

I never really felt at home in this world at all, as a whole, I am going to die a slow and painful death under this regime and there's no way around it. As I said, I'm intersex and trans, also disabled and chronically ill. So many targets on my back. I keep begging for help to get out and everyone just tells me I'm, "not valuable," as a citizen so I need to become it or perish really.

Yes, I've been told straight up I am not valuable- even by other transfolk.

My own community is leaving me (and others like me), in the dust because I'm disabled and intersex, because I need "too much" help. Because I am "too much." Again, actual quote.

I just want to be healthy, figure out what I need to do to feel better, get everything back on track so I can study forensics like I wanted. Either anthropology or psychology. To get the hell out of here, away from the people hurting me (within my home and in the country) and find someone who loves me, who will protect me and vice versa, maybe make the loving family I never got to have. I want to adopt, I am infertile, children with a spouse and maybe run some sort of cat cafe. I don't know. I have so many dreams, so many wants, ranging from quite simple to more complex.

I want to live, and I barely even got to yet, trapped with abusive "family" that deliberately kept me sick and sad and dependent so they could do who knows what. I still don't know what their goal was ultimately.

Why do I have to justify my existence? Why do I have to be valuable to deserve to live, to deserve to smile, to deserve anything? Why do the beliefs of people that think a "loving god" flooded the world just because he was angry at his own creations, who apparently is the god of mercy yet wants to kill anyone who doesn't believe in him, matter more than a living breathing thing people can SEE?

I don't even know what I believe anymore. I was raised Evangelical on my dad's side, Catholic on my mother's, had the rapture shoved down my throat starting age eight and had my aunt try to exorcise me at fifteen or so for clear signs of abuse and just... Being me. Why are the opinions of people like that worth more than lives?

... Home.

I just want to go home, but I don't know if that ever existed for me in the first place, or ever will. I wish so badly I had someone to take me there, someone I trusted to go to for refuge, but I don't.

If it wasn't extremely unsafe and 99.9% likely to end in disaster, I'd start begging random people on the internet from better countries to come and smuggle me there (so to be clear I am NOT DOING THAT I just wish so badly I could get out of here...).

i swear i dont even kno whats wrong wth me anymore. i just cant stop. like it dont even make sense?? one second im fine, just sittin there, and then boom, tears. no reason, no warning, just happns. nd then i try to stop but it makes it worse. my chest feels tight, my throat hurts, my eyes all blurry, and i just sit there like an idiot wth my face all wet like a dam broke inside me or somthing. i try wipin them away but they just keep comming. i hate it, i hate it so much. like wtf am i even crying for? i dont even kno anymore. everything? nothing? both? its like my brain just gave up tryna hold it all in and now its like “ok time to cry FOREVER i guess.”

i keep tellin myself “stop, stop, stop” but it dont work. even when im out, like in public, it still happens. i be in class, tryna focus, then my eyes start burnin and im like not now, pls but nope, the stupid tears dont care. nd then i gotta pretend im rubbin my face or lookin down at my phone so no one notices, but i know they do. people glance at me but no one says nuthin, which makes it worse bc like… do they not care or do they just not wanna deal wth me?? probly both. nd then i get home thinkin maybe ill feel better but nah, soon as im alone it starts again. like wtf body can u just chill?? i get it, life sucks, but can we NOT be a leaky faucet 24/7??

nothin even helps. music? just makes me cry harder. tv? reminds me of stuff. sleeping? HA, as if. my mind dont shut up even when i close my eyes. i lay there all tired but my head keep spinnin, thinkin bout every dumb thing, every mistake, every stupid moment. nd then i get mad at myself, like why am i even like this? but then i start crying AGAIN bc i feel bad for myself which is so dumb. i dont even kno if its stress, sadness, anger, or just my brain bein broken. maybe all of it at once.

i just want it to stop. i want a break from feelin like this, from bein this. but i dont kno how. i keep thinkin maybe tomrrow will be better, maybe i just need to sleep, maybe i just need time. but then another day comes and it’s the same. nd i start thinkin, wht if this is just how it is now? wht if i never stop? bc honestly, right now? i really feel like i never will.

Look I don’t or didn’t know what to put as the topic. However; day by day, hour by hour, year by year, month by month I’m less ok. If your anything like me it’s hard to tell someone or even talk to a trusted adult about what your going through. I may not know you but welcome to whatever this fuckin thing is… life is mysterious yet hurts because you never know what will happen. My parents want what’s best for me yet I don’t know what’s best for me, I don’t have a path. I don’t have a journey to follow, I’m going with the flow going day by day not knowing where I’ll end up or how I’ll feel by the end of the day. I mean fuck, I skipped work and got so drunk I just needed to feel something, I needed to feel like I could feel things again. Yet it didn’t matter it didn’t help, getting drunk or high won’t help.. sadly… I’m terrible with talking to people I’m awkward I’m socially awkward I’m anxious and scared and anything possible. I know I need to find what I’m good at but it’s like everyone around me isn’t rooting for me, but is pushing me to do things I can’t do or I don’t want to do. Don’t let that happen to you. Because you need to follow your heart, your head, and follow your own path not one someone forges for you, not one someone is forcing you to do. Follow whatever you want to do. Never feel pressured to do anything, take your time and soon enough you will end up ok. Maybe not today, or tomorrow or a week from now fuck maybe not even a year from now but we were all brought onto this earth to do smth we just need to find out what.

There are times where I get a thought and it makes my anxiety go up to like 50% more than usual. I don’t know why this happens and it drives me insane so I try not to think about it, but it keeps coming back and I don’t know what to do when this happens. I don’t know what triggers it either. It just happens. It does go away in day or two, but when it starts, it makes my heart raise up and my mental health goes to a different place. I have good strategies but there are times when I’m at work or doing something social that it comes again I don’t know the trigger, but I am working on it. if anyone has any advice when this happens to me or tell me their story, please let me know. Thank you.

man, i dont even kno what to say. like seriously, nothing matters anymore. i wake up, i do what i gotta do, i go to sleep, repeat. its all the same, every day. nuthing exciting, nuthing different, just the same boring ass life over and over. people talk about goals n dreams n all that bs but like, what for?? u work ur ass off just to be tired, just to pay bills, just to end up at the same place. so why even bother. i tried to care, i really did. but caring just make things worse bc u get disapointed, u get hurt, u get stress over things that probly dont even matter in the long run. so i stopped. now i just do what i need to do to get thru the day, nothing more, nothing less.

ppl say oh u just need to find somthing u love but what if i dont love anything. like fr, theres nothing that make me wanna get up in the morning. job? boring. school? waste of time. hobbies?? dont even have those anymore. use to try stuff, sports, music, even stupid things like learning to cook or whatever, but i sucked at all of it so whats the point. why keep trying when u kno u gonna fail. and dont even tell me "just work harder," bc working harder dont mean sh*t if u have no talent in the first place. so yeah, i gave up. not like in a dramatic way, just like, i dont put energy into anything anymore.

i see ppl all excited about stuff, making plans, talking about there future like they actually got things figured out. good for them i guess. but i dont see that happening for me. future just seem like a long ass road of more of the same bs. wake up, work, sleep, repeat. its like life is some game i never wanted to play but im stuck here anyway. so now i just stoped pretending. stoped acting like i care when i really dont. maybe one day somthing will change, maybe not. honestly? dont care either way.

It starts small. So small I almost don’t notice it at first. Just a tightness in my chest, like I’ve forgotten to breathe properly. My thoughts get a little louder, a little faster, like someone pressed fast-forward on my brain and now it’s running ahead of me, out of control. I try to ignore it, tell myself it’s nothing, that I’m fine, but my body has already decided otherwise. My hands feel weird, kinda tingly, kinda numb. My stomach twists into knots, and suddenly I feel like I might throw up, even though I haven’t eaten anything in hours. But the worst part? No one around me has a clue. I could be sitting in a room full of people, having a completely normal conversation, nodding, even laughing at the right moments, and no one would know that inside, I’m barely holding on. That’s the thing about a silent anxiety attack—it doesn’t look like what people expect. There’s no hyperventilating, no shaking, no obvious signs. Just me, stuck in my own head, trying to act normal while my body is screaming at me that something is very wrong.

I’ve gotten good at hiding it. Too good, maybe. I’ve had these episodes since I was a teenager, and over the years, I’ve learned how to perform through them. I know how to keep my voice steady even when I feel like I can’t breathe. I know how to smile and nod while my heart is pounding so hard I swear it’s about to explode. I know how to keep eye contact, to ask the right questions, to seem present, even when my mind is looping through the same terrible thoughts over and over again. What if I pass out? What if I embarrass myself? What if I just lose control completely? And the scariest part? No one ever notices. They just keep talking, keep moving, keep living their lives, while I sit there drowning in my own head. And then, just when I think it can’t get worse, the exhaustion hits. Like my whole body just gives up after the fight. My muscles ache, my brain feels foggy, and all I wanna do is sleep, but I know when I wake up, it could all happen again.

I wish I knew how to stop it. I wish there was a switch I could flip, some way to tell my brain, hey, chill out, nothing’s actually wrong. But logic doesn’t work when anxiety takes over. People say things like just breathe, just relax, but they don’t get it. If it was that easy, I wouldn’t be feeling like this in the first place. I try grounding techniques, counting things in the room, touching something solid, focusing on sounds around me. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn’t. The only thing I know for sure is that I can’t keep living like this, constantly waiting for the next wave to hit. Because that’s the worst part of anxiety—it’s never really gone. It’s always just waiting, lurking in the background, ready to take over the second I let my guard down. And honestly? I don’t know if I’ll ever be free from it.

I feel like I’ve been asking myself this question forever: what does sexual attraction feel like? People talk about it like it’s the most natural thing in the world, like it’s just there, obvious and unavoidable. But for me, it’s never been that way. I hear my friends talk about how “hot” someone is, how they’d love to get in bed with them, how their brain just goes there automatically. And I sit there, nodding along, pretending I get it, but I don’t. Like, I get attraction—I can look at someone and think they’re beautiful, handsome, interesting. I can even feel connected to someone emotionally, like I want to be close to them, to spend time with them, to be something with them. But that pull people describe, that physical craving, that feeling of just wanting someone in that way? I don’t think I’ve ever had that. And I don’t know if that’s normal, if I just haven’t met the right person yet, or if maybe… I’m just wired differently.

I’ve been reading a lot about asexuality lately, and part of me feels like it explains everything. But another part of me is terrified to accept it, because what if I’m wrong? What if I just haven’t unlocked that part of myself yet? What if I’m just a late bloomer and one day it’ll all make sense? I don’t want to label myself too soon and then realize later that I do feel it, that I just hadn’t experienced it yet. But at the same time, how long am I supposed to wait? How long do I keep pretending I understand something that, for me, has never been real? And then there’s the fear of what that means for my future. If I am asexual, does that mean I’ll never find love? Will people see me as broken? Will I always feel like I’m missing some huge, important part of being human? It’s overwhelming. I don’t have the answers, and I don’t know when—or if—I ever will. All I know is that I don’t feel the way most people seem to. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe that’s just who I am. But right now? Right now, I just wish I knew for sure... 😥

Bro, I swear, I used to be the hustle guy. You know, the dude waking up at 5 AM, hitting the gym, drinking coffee like it was holy water, grinding 12-hour days like I was building the next Amazon. And then I actually did it. Well, not Amazon, but I sold my company, made a nice chunk of cash, and now… I have nothing to do. Like, literally nothing. No deadlines, no urgent emails, no clients screaming at me. Just me, my bed, and the crippling realization that I have absolutely zero reason to get up before noon. And let me tell you, once your alarm clock stops being a life-or-death situation, waking up early becomes the hardest thing in the world. Like, what am I even waking up for? To stare at my ceiling? To scroll Instagram until I question every life choice I ever made? To drink coffee out of boredom instead of necessity? Nah man, my bed is too comfortable for that nonsense. 😴

At first, I told myself it was just a phase, you know? "Take some time off, relax, recharge," all that good stuff. But now? It’s been months, and I have officially entered pajama gremlin mode. My sleep schedule is so messed up that I’m basically nocturnal. I wake up, maybe make a smoothie if I’m feeling ambitious, then somehow the next thing I know it’s 3 PM, and I’ve accomplished nothing except opening 25 Wikipedia tabs about ancient civilizations and debating if I should start a podcast. And don’t even get me started on productivity hacks. I tried setting alarms—snoozed them all. I tried putting my phone across the room—ended up sleeping on the couch so I wouldn’t have to get up. I even tried the whole “just get up and make your bed” thing, but turns out, if you never get up, the bed stays made forever. Life hack? 🤷

And look, I’m not depressed or anything, I’m actually in a great mood most of the time. But there’s just this weird meh feeling when you have no goals left to chase. It’s like playing a video game where you already beat the final boss, so now you’re just wandering around the map, opening random chests for fun. I even considered starting a new business just to have something to do, but the thought of investor meetings and spreadsheets again makes me wanna hibernate permanently. Plus, what would I even start? "Sleepy CEO Coaching"? "How to Wake Up Late and Still Succeed"? 😂 Nah, man. Maybe I just need a new hobby or something. People say “travel the world”, but traveling alone sounds suspiciously like a lot of effort, and I’m pretty sure I’d just end up sleeping in different time zones instead.

So yeah, how to get out of bed? No clue. If you got tips that don’t involve waking up at ungodly hours or having an existential crisis, let me know. Until then, I’ll just be here, vibing in my blankets, waiting for life to give me a reason to put on pants again. 😆

I just can't do this anymore. All my friends are pissed at me for things I don't remember. My parents are disappointed in me for absolutely EVERYTHING: my grades, the people I'm friends with, the fact I'm genderfluid, everything. I don't care if people will miss me or not. I need to get out of here.

(nobody mentioned below is on this website as far as I know, I just need to get this out.)

Sam, I'm so sorry. You told me to stay strong but since I can't talk to you anymore, I got weak. I knew I couldn't survive without you, but I was stupid and didn't try to find a way for us to keep talking. If I can live through this, I will find a way for us to connect.

Bowie, you're welcome. I'll finally be out of your life, just like you wanted. You wanted that, right? Of course you did.

Emma, my love, I'm so, so sorry. But I can't go on like this anymore. I love you, but I gotta go.

To my parents: I was the child you didn't want, right? Well, now you don't have to have me anymore. See ya.

For a month now, I have felt many negative emotions (more than usual) and have been extremely demotivated in my life.

I think my boyfriend is also unhappy because of my current state and I feel guilty. Right now I am so weak mentally, it's hard to change. I am trying but the efforts are so big and the results so tiny.

I wish I could see a therapist but i can't afford to see one at the moment.

I feel so helpless.

Any tips on how to shift mindset? or how to be more gentle with myself? idk i just wanna change, i hate myself

im a 16 year old girl yet my voice sounds like a 12 year old boy with a stuffed nose. i hate it so much i want a more feminine voice so badly. when i talk to some people online they comment on how they think im a guy😭. not everyone but some and it just pisses me off cuz i cant even control it. I wanna talk to so many people but im scared ill get judged

I have ADHD and I will sometimes have panic attacks which I find myself stuck in. Why is it that my ADHD gets in my way? How do I stop it?