School Stories

Plz 8gnore typos

Dumping my feelings here so I do t tell someone I know smth I'll regret

R

I feel so tired and stil like idk I feel like absolute shit each day, my mind feels foggy and I think I have adhd but I can't get it diagnosed and it's wrecking my school life. I love been friend with one girl for like a year and a half and we were so close but she horridly impacted my health mentally or maybe I was always gonna be like this. I feel like in not actually close to any of my friend and I'm not very well liked. My friendships keep falling apart on my end and I feel like shit. Every friendship I enter in already thinking Aby when it's gonna end bc I've lost almost all my friendships

I'm constantly stressed abt my money for no reason and I feel bitter when I see my friend being able to spend money without feeling crippling guilt and even eating feels like a waste I don't wanna be a burden to .y family especially my mom and I think I can be a bad sister or daughter By grades keep slipping and I can pull myself together to fix it

I to8ght I was getting g better but I've started slipping again and I've been considering cat scratches ifykyk and I dunno why I'm doing g this anymore I wanna be in phycaitry bit I'm not smart enough to get into mrd school. Other than that people keep asking me to decide what I wanna do jn the future but I'm a ducking kid and I don't god damm know what I wanna do if the future Some of my friends ds (the 1year frie d) vents to me about her issues but I can't help but think that she's kinda got it goof and why can she vent but u can't without changing how people see me? I wanna help her but it took so much out of me. I care about her vut I find myself hating g her sometime I I hate myself for it and lots other sikt that I can't write anymore

I'm about to choke. It's 4:20 am right now. I'm doing homework for tomorrow and some assigments i had to turn in ages ago. I'm trying to take my mind off things because i swear i'm so close to throwing up. I'm too scared to sleep. I'm so scared of what tomorrow will be like. There are so many tests coming up all at once, and my grades are only getting worse. I'm ruining everything i've worked for and now i feel like a failure. Two years ago i was actually doing well. i though things were getting better, that i was making progress but i ruined everything. I'm trying to be better. More productive, more polite, more present, more responsible, smarter, nicer, Better. But i can't. I keep on failing. I keep on messing up. And i'm so tired. I'm always so tired recently. It's so hard to do anything. Even things i used to love doing now feel like a chore. I'm stuck. I feel like a i'm falling behind while everyone else Is moving foward and i don't know what to do.

I'm about to choke. It's 4:20 am right now. I'm doing homework for tomorrow and some assigments i had to turn in ages ago. I'm trying to take my mind off things because i swear i'm so close to throwing up. I'm too scared to sleep. I'm so scared of what tomorrow will be like. Sometimes i wish It could be night forever. It's funny beacuse i used to find It scary. Sometimes i still do. But honestly I think i find It better to bask in the dark and not be able to see an inch from my nose, than to stay out during the day where i can perfectly see all the ways i messed up. Where i, and everybody else can see how much i failed and dissapointed myself and those around me who wanted me to be better than this. I wanted to be better than this. I still do. I'm trying to be better. More productive, more polite, more present, more responsible, smarter, nicer, Better. But i can't. I keep on failing. I keep on messing up. And i'm so tired. I'm always so tired recently. It doesn't matter what i try, or how much progress i make, i end up messing everything up. And It's exhausting. I've been this tired for ages now. Everything feels so hard, everything Is so tiring. I feel like a burden to those around me. I'm becoming everything they hoped i wouldn't. And i'm wasting all that they did for me. All because i can't pull myself together. And i don't understand. Why? Everybody else does It. Why can't i? What am i doing wrong? Why can't i be better than this? I want to be better. And i'm trying. But It all keeps going down the drain.

I feel like shit. I just took my first exam of this semester and I don't feel like I did well. For some background I am currently in the highest level accounting course in my school and opted to take a 7 week course while also working full time. The class started 10 days ago and I ended up getting a 76% on this exam. I am beating myself up and berating myself because I feel like I should have done better and I want some chocolate or something to bring my mood up but I feel like I can't let myself try to feel better because I'm subconsciously telling myself that it's okay to get Cs on exams. And I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I work 40 hours a week and accounting courses can be hard and 10 days isn't a lot of time to learn a bunch of material. But this isn't a STEM major (I'm an accounting major) and I didn't use my time well. I should have reviewed more of the material and gone over the reading more before taking the exam. I just can't justify letting myself be comforted about my performance on this exam. I don't know what to do. I can't just give up, this is my last accounting course. How do I move past this feeling?

I’m 13, female. I’m currently in 8th grade about to go into Highschool. For the past maybe a bit over a year I’ve been feeling like I have less energy and I’m always stressed with problems. Last year I had a really big thing happen in my friend group that made everything messy and only added more stress onto me when I was already stressed from school (I took two advanced classes) and my home life since my parents were in the middle of a divorce. I notice that around then I started becoming more tired, less energetic and with no motivation to do anything even the things I love like reading and writing. My phone became my safe space where I could just escape to and not come out for hours. When I went to 8th grade everything cleared up for a bit, I had a fresh start, I was happy. But still I had that looming feeling of exhaustion. I’m handling everything much better than last year so I’m not sure why I’m so tired? Sometimes at night I find myself spiraling into negative thoughts about many things, each time it happens I feel worse. I have some stress at home but it’s not a lot like it’s pressuring me as it had before. Am I becoming depressed or am I just being lazy? What do I do?

I have toxic family environment so I can't study, they disturb my mental state so I am unable to focus on study and I am stressed if I don't study my future will be spoilt

I keep asking myself this question every day: how to stop worrying about the future? Because honestly, I don’t have a clue. Maybe I used to, back when life felt predictable, when you went to school, got a degree, found a job, and stuck with it until retirement. But now? Now everything is changing so fast, I feel like I can’t even keep up. And it’s not my future that keeps me up at night—it’s theirs. My kids. They’re still young, still in school, but I keep thinking, what will the world look like when it’s their turn to step into it? What will jobs even look like in 15 years? We tell them to study hard, to pick a career they love, but what if those careers don’t even exist by the time they get there? What if everything we’re teaching them now is useless in a world run by AI, automation, and technology that doesn’t even exist yet? It terrifies me. Because how am I supposed to guide them when I don’t even know what’s ahead?

I see it already—companies replacing workers with algorithms, AI writing code, making art, answering customer service calls. I read articles saying entire industries will disappear, that jobs we once thought were secure won’t exist anymore. And the worst part? Nobody seems to know what will replace them. I try to imagine what my kids will do when they’re grown. Will they need a degree, or will universities be irrelevant? Will they compete with machines for work? What if no matter how smart, how hardworking they are, it won’t be enough because the rules of the game will have changed? I want to tell them that if they study, if they put in the effort, they’ll be okay. But I don’t know if that’s true. And that’s what scares me the most. I try to remind myself that every generation has faced uncertainty, that the future has always been unpredictable, that worrying won’t change anything. But the truth is, I feel powerless. I can’t stop the world from changing, and I can’t guarantee that they’ll be ready for it. All I can do is teach them how to adapt, how to think critically, how to keep learning even after school ends. Maybe that’s the answer. Maybe instead of worrying about what jobs will exist, I should focus on raising kids who can handle whatever comes. Because in the end, the future isn’t something I can control—it’s something they’ll have to navigate on their own. And maybe, just maybe, that will be enough.

I don’t even know why I do it. Like, every time someone actually tries to be my friend, I just… ruin it. It’s not like I want to be alone, but for some reason, I always end up pushing people away. At first, things are fine, we talk, we laugh, they seem cool, and then my brain starts freaking out. What if they don’t actually like me? What if I say something stupid? What if I annoy them and they just pretend to be nice? And then, instead of just going with it like a normal person, I start acting distant, stop replying to texts, avoid them in class, and before I know it, they move on. And I pretend like I don’t care, but deep down, it sucks. It’s like I’m stuck in this loop where I want friends but also push them away the second they get too close.

It’s not even like people are mean to me or anything. I see them hanging out in groups, making plans, posting about it online, and I wonder what that even feels like. To just be able to connect with people without overthinking every little thing. When someone sits next to me in class and actually starts a conversation, I panic. My brain starts screaming say something normal!! don’t be weird!! and then I either go completely silent or just say something so awkward that the conversation dies right there. And then I feel even worse. It’s like, I could be making friends, I should be, but something in me won’t let it happen. Like I don’t deserve it or something.

And then when I actually do let someone in, I mess it up in a different way. I start testing them without even realizing it. Ignoring texts to see if they’ll double text. Cancelling plans just to see if they really wanna hang out. Being all moody and distant to see if they’ll put in the effort to ask what’s wrong. And if they don’t? Then I tell myself see? they don’t actually care. But like, why would they? Why would anyone wanna keep trying with someone who keeps shutting them out? It’s not fair to them. And it’s definitely not fair to me, because in the end, I’m the one who ends up alone.

I keep thinking maybe it’s just safer this way. Like, if I don’t let people in, they can’t hurt me. I don’t have to deal with the drama, the fights, the feeling of someone just getting bored of me and leaving. But then I look around and see everyone else with their inside jokes, their sleepovers, their dumb little traditions, and I realize I’m missing out. Even when I’m in a crowded room, I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. And I hate that feeling. I hate watching from the sidelines, pretending like I don’t care when I really do. But at the same time, I don’t know how to stop being like this.

So yeah, why do I push people away? I wish I knew the answer. Maybe I’m scared of rejection, maybe I just don’t trust people, maybe I’ve just been alone for so long that I don’t even know how to let someone in anymore. But whatever the reason, I’m tired of it. I don’t wanna wake up one day and realize I spent my whole life shutting people out just because I was scared of getting hurt. I wanna be better. I just don’t know where to start.

So I do edibles sometimes and recently got in contact with a new dealer.

He sees me and thinks I’m cute, thanks, nothing I haven’t heard before.

He’s 22 while I’m 17 which is effing gross. I’m not a stupid teen he thinks he can groom, I don’t like him, I just want some edibles to relax and distress from school.

But he’s here in my chat talking about, im sweet, im nice, im simple.

I don’t care if you are. I’m not getting in a relationship with you.

I just want some weed man, I wanna cry, this is so gross.

I’d just block him but because I know he likes me I just know I’m gonna get dirt cheap weed.

I just can’t stand it, don’t you have morals? I’m still in school.

Idk why but I just feel like I never good enough. Like I look around and everybody else seem so much more confident, like they just know who they are, what they want, how to talk to people. And then there’s me, always second guessing everything, thinking did I say something dumb? do they even like me? am I just annoying? It’s so exausting to always feel like I gotta prove myself or act a certain way just to be accepted. Like even in class, I wanna ask a question but then my brain goes what if it’s stupid? what if they all think I’m dumb? and then I just sit there in silence, pretending like I understand when I don’t. And it’s not just in class, it’s everywhere. I walk into a room and feel like everybody’s looking at me, judging me, even if I know deep down they prob don’t even care.

I try to tell myself to stop, to just be normal and not overthink everything but it’s so hard. I look in the mirror and all I see are the things I don’t like. My hair is never right, my face looks weird, my clothes never feel like they actually fit me right. And I see all these girls who just look so effortless, like they woke up looking perfect and they don’t even try. Even when I do my makeup or wear something nice, I still feel like I’m just pretending, like it’s obvious to everyone that I don’t belong. And don’t even get me started on social media, cuz that just make it worse. I scroll and see all these people with perfect lives, perfect bodies, perfect friends, and it just makes me feel even more like I’m failing at being a normal human.

I wish I knew how to stop being insecure. Like how do people just wake up and like themselves?? I’ve read all the advice—be positive, practice self love, stop comparing yourself to others—but it don’t actually help. I tell myself "you’re fine, you’re not ugly, you’re smart, you’re worth something" but my brain just goes lol sure keep telling yourself that. I feel like no matter what I do, there’s always gonna be someone better, someone who’s funnier, prettier, more interesting, and people are always gonna like them more than me. And the worst part is I don’t even know why I care so much. It’s not like I even wanna be the center of attention, I just don’t wanna feel like I’m always less than everybody else.

So yeah, if anybody out there actually figured out how to stop being insecure, let me know. Cuz I’m tired of feeling like this, tired of hiding behind my phone at parties, tired of thinking every little thing I say or do is wrong. I just wanna be able to exist without feeling like I need to be better all the time. But idk, maybe some people just born with confidence and some of us just gotta fake it forever.

being a teen is honestly exhausting. not only do you have to live up to your parents expectations but also maintain a good social life in school. at some point being a teen and A GIRL is just the hardest thing ever, you post anything on instagram you get slut shamed although its not inappropriate at all, you enjoy your life and have few flings or situationships or dated few people you are called a whore, when you reject someone you get called "lose" (referring to the hole) and so much more than i cant even think of cuz this generation is so messed up. everyones point of view has changed and all their eyes roam where it shouldnt be, more than making love with someone you love, ppl watch porn and masturbate. peoples way of thinking and everything has changed so much in a bad way that being a girl and trying to survive is the hardest thing you can do.

its not 2 or 4 people or maybe its the whole school, you do one thing that might not even be problematic and people add up things and make it sound way worse and you are the new "whore" or "slut" or just someone everyone hates. i had a bf who cheated on me a couple of times and when we broke up since people who knew what he did blamed at him, he played the victim card and posted shit like i cheated on him many times and stuff, ever since peoples pov of me has changed so much. its not only inside the school but even people outside that i dont even know, people just judge you with what they know and befriend with the real bad people out there. not to sound lame or anything but at some point everything i did was problematic to everyone. people posted memes and stories making jokes bout me, some were fine but some were really inappropriate.

it affected me so much that i just wanted to be a completely different person, and i did change a lot (in a good way) but there are still people who keep complaining bout me being happy, i dont care anymore although its annoying how it keeps coming back. now im stuck with being seen by everyone. i lost a LOT of close friends and people since that incident and had no one rly beside, it was the hardest time of my life going through all that alone but im happy i overcame came. but its so lonely to have no true friend and whats more worse is i feel jealous that my current boyfriend is more associated with a lot of people, i am quite obsessive and overprotective cuz i keep losing people i love and shit. but when he has everything i want and things i wish he didnt i cant help it but to hate myself. i am insecure and lack self confidence, so its just become exhausting to be cared bout and seen by everyone and yeah "fomo".

what ive become today is being defined only by others pov or what they have heard and never of what i really am. its so tiring to accept it or keep ignoring it sometimes, its really my vulnerable point so hate sharing it to someone i know and when i try they think all i want is "attention" and here i am sitting in my room wondering what im doing in my life cuz its exhausting to try and exhausting to not be seen.

I can’t find internships, I’m under qualified for everything. Every project and program I’ve applied to I got rejected. I have no clue what is going on in my courses I have no idea how I am passing. I look around everyone has things under control working on outside projects, having jobs and still having a social life not to mention great grades and I am here spending an entire week doing the most stupid assignment and idk atp

I've been trying. I've been really trying to be better. But nothing i've tried really works. Whenever i looks like i took a step foward i take two back. I don't know what to do. Lately things have been only getting worse. And i think my anxiety Is getting worse too. And i'm so tired. I'm so tired of feeling anxious. I'm so tired of trying. I'm tired of failing. I'm tired of feeling so horrible. I feel like i'm ruining everything. All over again. And i feel like i'm dragging my loved ones down with me. They don't deserve that. I'm sorry. I don't want to be like this. But i don't know how to fix It. The more i think about, the more i think that maybe i'm a bad person, and that maybe i can't fix anything afterall.

Man, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I swear, I try so hard, I put in the hours, I do the work, but somehow it’s never enough. I thought I was smart, or at least average, but ever since I started my engineering studies, it’s like I’m constantly the dumbest guy in the room. I sit in class, listen to the professor explain something, and literally nothing clicks. Then I look around and see everyone nodding like they get it, asking these super technical questions that I don’t even understand enough to know what they’re talking about. I go home, rewatch the lectures, read the textbook, even look up YouTube videos that break it down in a way a 5-year-old could understand. Still nothing. It’s like my brain just refuses to process anything beyond basic math and physics. And don’t even get me started on exams. I walk in hoping for at least a decent grade, and every time, it’s like my mind goes blank. Half the questions look like they were written in another language, and even when I think I know the answer, I second guess myself so much that I end up changing it to the wrong one. I see other people finishing early, walking out looking all confident, and I’m still sitting there, staring at my paper like it’s gonna start answering itself. I try telling myself I just need to study harder, but I do study. Hours and hours, every single day. So if I’m putting in the effort and still failing, then... why am I stupid?

It’s not even like I’m lazy. I’ve seen people who barely study, who just skim through the materiall the night before and somehow pull off good grades. Meanwhile, I’m grinding like my life depends on it, and I still barely scrape by. My friends try to be nice about it. They say stuff like, "Bro, engineering is just hard for everyone, you’ll get there," but then they turn around and ace every assignment while I’m still stuck on step one. I don’t wanna be the guy who holds the group project back, but I can feel it happening. The way they explain things to me, the way they “help” but end up just doing the work themselves because I’m taking too long. It’s humiliating. I used to think I was good at problem-solving, but now every problem just feels like a dead end. I see my classmates who are actually passionate about this stuff, who spend their free time building things, programming just for fun, and I can’t relate at all. I don’t enjoy this. It’s just constant stress, constant failure, and I don’t even know why I’m still here. If I’m struggling this much now, how the hell am I supposed to survive the next few years? And then after that, actually work as an engineer? No company’s gonna wanna hire the guy who barely made it through college.

I keep wonderingg if I should just quit. Maybe this isn’t for me. Maybe I’m just not smart enough to do this kind of work, and I should accept that before I waste even more time and money. But then what? It’s not like I have some other passion waiting for me. Engineering was supposed to be the plan, the safe choice, the thing that would guarantee a good job. If I walk away from this, then what do I even do? My parents would be disappointed, I’d have to start over with something new, and I have no clue what that would even be. I don’t wanna be a dropout. I don’t wanna be a failure. But I also don’t wanna keep feeling like this, like I’m just too dumb to be here. I keep hoping one day it’ll just “click,” that suddenly things will start making sense, but I’m starting to think that’s never gonna happen. Maybe some people are just not meant for this kind of stuff, and I’m one of them. And honestly, if that’s true, then I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next...

So here it goes...I am in college right now and we make friends in the first semester and hope to remain as friends throughout college life. But here is the twist, my friend told that I am not "fun" enough for as in comparison to a guy and her relative who was also a friend of mine felt the same and both of them completely stopped talking to me. I asked why did they do so and they cited this reason. Now I have no friends in college because I am such an introvert. I feel like a failure at this point. I felt so hurt but I can't just think about them. I have my whole life to be sorted...finish college, get a nice job and make my parents proud. I also give auditions to sing an I did not get selected for that either. I have just lost hope in my life now. I just wanted to vent this out and remove this negative feelings out of my body once and for all.