School Stories

I did post a story on this before, but it’s not showing up (gulp), so i’m doing it again. I’m not sure if this is the place where i’m supposed to post about this stuff but i have this issue. I like this tv show. A LOT. It’s been months (probably an understatement), where i can only really think about it. My mind turns everything into a reference, i’m always quoting it and i’m just constantly thinking about it. I’ve even caught myself embarrassing myself in class because the teacher called on me to answer a question which i didn’t know the answer to because i was thinking about that show.

Is this a normal thing or am i going crazy? My friends joke and say it’s like a hyper fixation, but i thought only neurodivergent people get those and im not diagnosed with anything. (At least i think it’s just neurodivergent people, im not sure. I haven’t really done much research so sorry if i sound stupid). I just need to know if other people have been through this and i’m not a weirdo for constantly thinking about it.

It’s really weird but for months now the only thing i’ve really been able to think about are just worries and this one show. I don’t know if this is the place to share this kind of stuff but i need to just say this. It feels like one of the only things i seem to talk about- everything is a reference. I keep catching myself in class not focusing because i’m thinking about the show and doodling the characters in my school books to help me understand the stuff. It’s mildly embarrassing now that i admit it, but it’s the truth. And it even MORE awkward since nobody i know irl likes it as much as i do.

I’m not sure why i can’t stop thinking about it. One of my friends suspects it’s like a hyper fixation, but i don’t think im neurodivergent. I don’t even know if hyper fixations are only for neurodivergent people (i haven’t done much research on it, sorry if i sound ignorant) but oh my goodness the show is EVERYWHERE. Is this just some sort of normal thing that happens? I mean, it’s not entirely bad, but i fear i’m annoying people around me with how much i like the show and i worry for my grades.

He annoys me so badly, the very first day during orientation I went in late and the only spot open was beside him. He greeted me in an overly friendly way and it really weirded me out because I’ve always been under the impression that he didn’t like me. We were best friends in elementary school, but was so awful. He bullied me and would get our friends to target me to too, he said a lot of bad things about me, and he exposed me and other people to a lot of really bad things as kids which also makes being around him very uncomfortable. Then in high school we never spoke and we weren’t friends, and I remember that he talked about me behind my back. My best friend once told me that while speaking to her and a large group of people that he made fun of me for being autistic and for rocking back and forth and said he’d rather be friends with this one other weird girl who actually did bad things.

After that he kept going out of his way to talk to me and my friend and it was really weird. I decided to just ask him about it and I said “I feel like we’re not on good terms because you were saying bad things about me” then he told me that he hasn’t spoken about me in years and I told him that it was a bit ago, and that I just still feel weird about it. I told him what it was I heard and he asked me who he said it to, I told him a group and he asked who told me, but I told him I didn’t wanna say, it was cause he’s still friends with my friend though. He then apologized and told me that he didn’t remember saying that, but he’s sorry if he did, and that he doesn’t know if he was just having a bad day or what. He did keep apologizing, so it did seem like he meant it. After that he spoke to me a few more times, each was awful. In class we watched the frog in a pot video and the teacher asked us what it meant, first she asked him and he said something about being too stupid to know. Then she called on me and when I answered he just talked out in class about how smart I am, which I just found really weird and kind of embarrassing. Also once when my class was on break, a group of people went outside to smoke. I went to the side near the windows while the rest of my class was out the middle, then he came over to me and asked if I’m allergic people and points out how I’m standing by myself. He also points out how earlier that morning a teacher had offered me help and told me I look confused when I was just waiting outside a classroom. I say yeah, it was weird, then he says “she doesn’t know that’s just your face”.

There’s been other things too, but basically it’s just been stressful. At first I was trying to tolerate him in school so it wouldn’t be weird, but he’s a really hard person to be around, even though it’s brief

So, sometimes I feel quite sad and forgotten when people forget my birthday. Like, I'd cry in my brithday because someone I saw as a close friend completely forgot about it. I mean I know it's normal for people to not remember everyone else's special day, especially if they're busy with life and all. But it still makes me very sad since over the past few years I've made them drawings, custom gifts and animations by myself and they've never remembered my birthday even once for those years. I just wanted them to greet me.

So, I've been rather lonely for the past couple of years. About 6 years, in fact. Physically speaking I am not lonely,I've always had caring family and friends around me. But emotionally, I've felt detached and disorientated for the past few years. I've been mentally unstable,have attempted to kill myself about 3 times, and also self harmed a lot (I've been clean of self harm for a few months, though, fortunately.)

Anyways.For me, nothing beats feeling lonely than playing truth or dare with yourself and postinsetting up questions asking about my own day in a fake chat to try and cheer myself up.I don't understand a few things,to be honest. Why do i feel lonely even though there's so many people keeping me company? What did I do to deserve all these wonderful and caring human beings? Unlike them, I'm nothing good. I'm practically just a worthless parasite, and yet they all put up with me. My family, friends, and practically everyone I know. I don't understand how someone can like something like me. I'm just worthless anyways. But yet I want to be loved. My minds been a conflicting and overwhelming mess for years now, and I still don't know how to manage it. Somedays I find myself getting better. Somedays I find myself back in this loop of confusion and frustration. I don't want to continue being like this. I want to be happy with everyone else. So I guess I'll try again. I've failed, sure, multiple times. But I'll try again. And I'll keep trying. I'm going to die anyways. We all are. So since it's inevitable,might as well give life a small chance.

i checked my email today and noticed that MadeWithGSAP was released last wednesday. i got so excited because i’ve waited 2–3 months for this and wanted to learn more about GSAP’s capabilities (and hopefully i get to learn something in the long run). so, i checked the website out to see if it’s there.

but…that’s when i realized that it’s paid. it’s PAID. €85 for 50 GSAP effects? that’s like ₱5,153.55 here. bruh, that’s 1 1/2 months worth of groceries with that money. i can’t buy it because i’m a first-year college student, and i don’t even have a job yet.

man, that realization really hits me. it made me think about years ago when i’ve vented so much about why almost everything on the internet is expensive here in the philippines. why does life treat me like this?? man, i’ve waited for months and felt a bit of excitement, but all this wait for nothing? what am i going to do with all this? i don’t even know how to recreate those effects just from the previews they have on their website. i just can’t…do this.

Hello, it's been a while since I opened this app. I don't know who I can talk about this to because I don't want to be judged by my friends, so I thought about talking here and ask for advice regarding this 🥲 There's this guy I like, since the start of the school year, he's the top 1 of our batch, really cute, and he's the youngest out of all of us. He's two years younger than me. I told his friend abt my small crush on him, and he told me that he's not interested in anyone and it's like he has his own world, after that talk I kind of hoped I had a small chance of him liking me back. But then recently, we had this class assignment in school where all of us should prepare a pretend wedding, and of course, in a wedding you're supposed to have a bride and a groom. I was chosen as the bride, and our class really wanted my crush to be the groom since we had past acting experiences where he was the male lead and I was the female lead. We asked him, and he replied with "What. I'll just stay at the food preparations... Give me 100k and I'll consider it" I don't know how to feel guys, I feel a bit heartbroken by that, but at the same time I don't know if I should feel this way since idk if he replied with that because I was the bride, or if he just doesn't want to be the groom I have been rlly obvious of liking him so maybe he's just uncomfortable with me. I just feel so sad and heartbroken because of his reaction like it made me rethink if I deserve to be loved ☹️☹️ His friend asked him again and we are still waiting for his reply because our classmates rlly want it to be him, but another guy stepped up and told me that he's willing to be the groom. Should I still wait for his reply or do we get the other guy instead to be our groom?? Sorry if it's kind of lengthy, I rlly need an advice guys 🙏 tysm!

(18, job program student)

My horticulture teacher has been sharing emotional things that we don't need to hear about, and it's been pissing me off and making me uncomfortable. It's not directly at us, it's over our heads and to the assistant that she's comfortable with, but she says things like:

"Does a blow to your self-esteem,"

"Nothings keeping me here."

Among other things she'd openly vent about that would give me a weird gut feeling. Catering to an adult's emotions has been emotionally triggering for me (30s or 40s+ specifically). I don't say anything to give advice to her or make her feel better whatsoever, I'm more inclined to tell her to STFU. She wouldn't go out in full paragraphs, just a sentence or a few words.

I've thought about reporting it, but I value the good relationship I have w/ her. And it would make things awkward and I feel like it would heavily embarrass her - but she done something wrong, I don't really need to give a full shit.

I think I might say something directly to her to keep things to herself, like "Can you keep these things to yourself?" I'd see it at something far better and quicker.

I've already had an incident where an assistant (who doesn't cater to me anymore) said that whenever I left early, they don't get paid as much in a day. I had a full-blown, horrible moral OCD panic attack that same night. He got scolded by 3 people (an ex-worker and 2 staff) when the news broke out, possibly even more

I'm not responsible for their feelings. I'm not responsible for their paychecks. I'm not responsible for their consequences that are set against them. I've been doing my best to reassure myself of that.

The best outcome is that she never vents in class again and I don't need to say a thing.

I'm just genuinely sick of everything

Heyah!

This story isn't my own. It's from one of my teachers. And no names are included.

Dude was my Math teacher(HS). I was always curious about my teachers lives... So they shared.

At the time... I wanted to be a wedding planner. So, I asked a lot of my teachers about their weddings or their romantic relationships.

I was sorta the goodie-two-shoes. So they shared with me.

Back to my math teacher... He shared that he God super drunk on his wedding. And he bought a fake cake... Which I can understand for budget reasons, but at least get the top of the cake for the 1 year anniversary😭!! Dude didn't🫠. He bought Costco's sheet cake. Again, nothing wrong with that. I just personally think the getting drunk on one's own wedding isn't very smart.

The next story is if my ASL teacher. She was dating a dude for 7 years, then the dude cheated on her. She was very sweet... Albeit pretty shy... But cheating shouldn't be happening😑. Regardless of any excuses... Talk to your partner. Get therapy. Talk to some friends, family, even strangers can help give advice. Also, if dude had feelings for someone else, but still loved my ASL teacher... Is that really love? What is love? Dating for 7 years, you'd think all your opinions, beliefs, and expectations would align at some point.

Same goes for one of my therapists... Girly dated this dude for 5 years, no ring, and a cheater. My therapist said that she used to be a "plain Jane" but started eating healthier, taking care of herself, and simply enjoying her life more than she was before. She'd get dolled up and spend time with her SO. And the shitty part is that after a vacation to I think it was some sorta islandy area... Greece or Italy I think... Dude broke up with her after finding someone he liked better. My therapist at the time said the girl looked like how she used to be... "Plane Jane". Nothing wrong with a plain Jane... But come on, break up before the cheating. And due was cheating on my therapist for 3 years🫠. Sad ain't it🥴. By the way... This relates to school cause she was my HS therapist😅.

At this point, I don't know what to do. I just want help, school is really getting to me, and it makes me feel like I'm pathetic or something. My family thinks it's just cause I'm lazy, and don't want to do the work, but I'm really just trying to deal with my mental health at the moment and it feels like it's only getting worse. I really just want help, and don't want to go to school, I end up crying every morning because of it, I don't have friends, and I realized I get distracted in class by how much people are in the room and can't help but feel like everyone talks behind my back, or looking at me. This probably takes place from when I got bullied in elementary school, they all talked behind my back, and I had to sit outside beside the classroom while they were talking about me, right beside me. I thought giving one of them money would make them closer to me but she ended up being the one that started talking behind my back first. I started homeschooling because of it, for a couple years, and moved to a different school. I don't know what to do with me life, I can't help but feel no one gaf about me, and they'll only care if I'm gone. I have lots of trouble making friends, and interacting with people, I have one person who makes me feel seen, and like they care, he's super sweet, he makes me feel like a person, and makes me wanna become a better person. But for now I don't know what to do. It's the same cycle, where I end up in a really depressed sate for a whole week, then feel better, then depressed all over again, I just want help

its like no one understands me or my struggles. sounds like im a pick me but its true. ive got no one to talk to, to trust. everyone would tell the nearest asshole about how "emo" i am for my struggles. my country does not take self harm well. youd get called out in your schools hallways or get called emo constantly. most adult tell you youre seeking attention and ignore your struggles. i constantly self harm. it calms me down seeing the blood drip from my arms. i have always loved blood, i dont know why. ive always intentionally made myself bleed to drink it. or just to look at it. maybe its cause my experience with hostpitals from a young age. my sister got terminally sick when i was 5. i was in and out of school to visit her. she went to hostpitals all over the country. my family once forgot me in a hostpital. but ive been there so much that i practically knew my way around. nurses were always sweet and kind. always had a look of pity because of my sister. they knew she would never make it. maybe people would understand a litle if they knew my whole story. but no one ever looks at the big picture. they just look at the ugly parts AND THEN HAVE THE AUDACITY TO JUDGE YOU. i hate people, idc if this gets rejected atleast someone read it if it did.

This one will be short.

In preschool... They say it gets better in elementary school.

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It doesn't😑.

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In elementary school... They say it gets better in middle school/junior high.

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It doesn't😑.

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In middle school/junior high... They say it gets better in high school.

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It doesn't😑.

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In high school... They say it gets better in community college.

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It doesn't😑.

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In community college... They say it gets better at University.

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It doesn't😑.

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They say it gets better once you start working after college.

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I honestly don't know if it does... But if my track record is the same... Then...

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It doesn't😑.

But that could just be me... I'm happy and jealous of all those who are successful in the school and career lives!! Hats off to ya! A round of applause! Wolf whistle in the back!

...

I sad🥲.

Basically at my high school we all have majors, I am a tech major. We have this project that’s due nearing the end of the year. The project being creating a mechanical or electrical work of your own. The issue is, I’ve never managed to do anything good at all for this project. It’s my senior year and know they’re asking me to do 2 of them and I just can’t. I feel so ashamed and like such a failure of a person because I can’t do what everyone else can. In my freshman year they just stuck me with another group because I couldnt fucking do anything right. They always act like I’m supposed to be this genius and I’m just an idiot. And since now I’m a senior they won’t accept anything that isn’t “senior quality” and it’ll be a zero. I fucking hate my life and this school I don’t why I haven’t given up yet. I’m tired of not being good enough.

I don't have a job

I have a shitty GPA

My friends all have friends that they like more than me

I’ve never held someones hand

I’ve never kissed someone

or had sex

or gone on a date

I’ve never gotten drunk

I've never gone to a real party

I can't drive

I can't make a phone call without feeling nauseous

I can’t go to gym class

I can't watch what I eat no matter how hard I want to diet and how much I hate myself everytime I take a bite

I can't be bothered with school

I don't have the money for college

I’ll never look the way I want to look

I’ll never be famous

I’ll never meet anyone famous

I’ll never have kids

I’ll never be rich

I probably won't even ever be “upper middle class” or “comfortably rich”

I’ll never not have a roomate

Being trans is literally illegal

and its not like I can just not be a guy

I’ll never be able to get on a plane

So I’ll never be able to leave

I can't see a future

I can't see one year from bow

I can't see myself graduating

I won't be able to pay for college

Once FAFSA and the DoE are disbanded

I can't even be bothered to sit up

And grab the blanket

At the end of my bed

Because my hair is wet

And I’m cold

How am I supposed to do anything when everyone I know is everything I wish I was and there's no way to go back in time and do everything