School Stories

I'm just gonna refer to this person as Vi. So Vi was my close friend and also former crush. I had a huge crush on Vi when I was around 9 up until I was 14. Just for context, both me and Vi are female. When I confessed, Vi explained that she finds it disgusting to date a woman. At the time, I was really shattered by this and I still am until now. But let's fast forward to recently, I've finally managed to move on and fall in love with this girl who I'll just call as Kiwi. Since Vi was like a best friend to me regardless of what she said before, I told her that I really like Kiwi. I originally thought she was gonna be happy that I've finally stopped bothering her or anything. She got mad instead. She yelled at me for liking Kiwi and said that Kiwi is a big red flag for me. Even though she has never met nor talked to Kiwi before. This went on for a really long time until Kiwi got a girlfriend. Obviously, I was really heartbroken by this and tried to vent to Vi about this. But Vi dismissed my feelings and kept saying that she was right all along and I was just the idiot who fell in love. She also added that no one will like me as much as she does at all and I should be with her instead. If Vi had told me that years ago, I would've accepted it and gladly be her girlfriend. But now I really like Kiwi and I can't really just drop my current crush for someone who called me disgusting before. I told her I wasn't interested and apologised because I don't have any feelings for her anymore. She got even more furious after that comment and told me that I will never find anyone and I'll always suffer in romantical relationships. (P.S, I feel like this is a curse because it's true somehow. I am still unable to find love until today and I still suffer in finding love.) After that had happened, Vi went into my account without my knowledge, screenshotted the vents that I had vented to my friend about Kiwi getting a girlfriend and she posted it. I tried confronting Kev about this but she ignored me and changed the topic every single time. Soon, I started to give up and trying to communicate and it seems like she had also noticed it. But instead of trying to talk to me again, she spread a bunch of rumours about me online and told everyone all my secrets. The rumours got too intense at some point so I decided to just block her. After blocking her, I've received a few screenshots from friends. The screenshots consist of Vi telling everyone that she's glad that I've left her and I am a horrible monster. She also added that since I'm gone now she could easily spread even more rumours about me and laugh at me. Furthermore, she also wished that I would off myself one day and added how annoying I was and she had waited for this day to come for ages. Now I'm really wondering what I've actually did wrong and am I actually someone who messed up.

Technically its not much of a school story but i couldnt find a similair tag.

My best friend(ill call her B) tends to say things on my behalf and it started off sort of small, she told our homeroom teacher that i had a mental problem which was why i was frequently not doing the homework, of course i was mad but i let it go but after that, people would come up to me and say "you have adhd, right?" Or just screaming "you have autism!" In the halls (both of which i dont have) i wasnt bothered much but it tends to get annoying if people just point and stare for something i dont have. Another thing she does oh so nicely on my behalf(note the sarcasm) is go up to my other bestfriend ( ill call her v, we are a trio) after they get into a fight which was practically happening every two dats or so, and hand her a note stating that she, B and i wont be friends with her anymore, i had no say in this and i keep ask her to stop since im never involved in their fights and would like to still be friends with v but she still included my name. After a big fight between them( i dont know what for) B stopped being friends with V even though v tried to make up and become friends again, ofc its her choice and id respect it but! She clearly doesnt respect mine since whenever i try to talk to V ( we are still close) she just comes up and goes " why are you talking to our classmate" in the most 'i want you to leave' tone and then grabs my hand and drags me away from her but she still manages to get jealous when v makes new friends and slowly distances from us. Im not sure if i should keep quiet or if i should just ask her to stop. Im just worried if i speak up that i would lose B, we are close and i feel safe around her, i dont want to destroy that.

i don’t even kno where to start, it’s just this feeling that’s been sittin heavy on me for a while now. like every room i walk into, every group chat i’m in, every lunch table, i just feel out of place. like no one actually wants me there. they tolerate me, maybe, but they don’t really like me. and i kno that sounds dramatic or whatever, but that’s how it feels. i’ll say something and everyone either ignores it or just moves on like i never spoke. then someone else says the same exact thing and they all laugh or agree. it’s like i’m invisible. i used to think i was just overthinking it, like maybe i was being too sensitive or reading into stuff, but it keeps happening over and over. my friends, if i can even call them that anymore, don’t really reach out. i’m always the one texting first, always the one making plans. if i don’t, no one checks in. nd when i do text, sometimes it takes hours or days to get a reply. but then i see them active online, postin stories, likin stuff, hangin out together without me. nd yeah it hurts. like really bad. makes me wonder what’s so wrong with me that i’m always the one left out. i try to be nice, to be fun, to be someone people wanna be around. but it never feels like enough. nd it’s not just friends either, it’s like in class too, or anywhere really. like when i talk people dont listen, like i just fade into the background.

sometimes i wonder if it’s just who i am. maybe i’m too quiet, or maybe too awkward or boring. maybe i say weird stuff without realizing it. maybe my face looks stuck-up or my laugh is annoying or i just give off some weird vibe people dont like. nd i kno it’s stupid to care so much, but how do you not care when it feels like no one sees you? not really. i’m tired of pretending like it dont bother me, like being alone all the time is fine, like scrolling through pics of people having fun without me doesn’t make me wanna cry. nd i hate how much power it has over me, how one ignored text or one missed invite can ruin my whole day. i wish i could just not care, just be happy with myself no matter what, but i don’t even kno who that is anymore. it’s like i’m always trying to be enough for people who don’t even notice i’m trying. and it sucks. it makes me feel like maybe i’m just meant to be the background character in everyone’s life. and no matter how hard i try to change it, that feeling just stays. always. so yeah, why do i feel like no one likes me? maybe cuz deep down, i don’t really like me either. and maybe that’s the real problem.

I was studying in a rich-people school in Pune and dropped out in middle school. The kind of people in that school were nothing short of monsters. They'd make fun of me behind my back, call me all sorts of derogatory names and there' s a huge list of the kinds of shitty things they' d do. Once, there was a kid in my bus who'd bully me relentlessly, and there'd be times where I would have to sit on the floor of the bus, cause that douchebag(let's call him Richard) would tell everybody to avoid me. I complained to my class teacher and she tried to talk to Richard but he started playing the victim midway and went to the boy's bathroom and told everybody that he was going to commit suicide all because of me. I was painted to be a goddamn criminal and everybody isolated me. There were numerous instincts of friends backstabbing me for their own benefit. The teachers never helped and blamed the person who was getting bullied and licked the feet of the rich. All in all, it was a horrible, terrible experience and I hope that those people rot in hell.

It's currently 8:00 am and i have only about 3-ish hours to study for a big test i didn't study for before. And i feel like an idiot because i wanted to study this before but i've been so tired these days. Lately i've been always tired actually, i don't even know why. But the last few days have been really bad. And i haven't been able to get anything done. I've struggling to get out of bed or do just anything even the things i like. And i feel horrible because It kinda feel like i'm ruining the things i've been working for so far and like i'm falling behind. And i don't know what to do to fix this. And i don't know where to begin because It's all too much It's all too overwhelming. Sometimes i just want to hide under the covers and never get out. I hate this. I'm so tired.

i’ve been thinkin about this a lot lately, like way more than i probly should, but i just can’t help it. i go to this school where so many kids are rich or like... pretty well off. not just talkin new clothes or fancy phones, i mean actual money. like they get picked up in shiny cars, talk about their summer trips to europe, have the newest gadgets before they even come out. nd then there’s me. my shoes are always a little worn out, i still got the same backpack since 7th grade, and when ppl talk about “weekend plans” mine are usually helpin my mom clean or babysit my cousin. my family’s not just “not rich,” we’re broke-broke. i don’t blame them or anything, they work hard, they love me, we just never had much. and while no one at school has ever been mean to me about it, not once, i still feel it. like this quiet voice in my head always whisperin “you don’t belong here.”

what sucks the most is that i do have friends. like, good ones. they include me in everything, they don’t care i don’t have name-brand stuff or can’t always go out when they do. they joke with me, they listen, they’re just... normal. and i try to act normal too. i laugh, i join in, i smile. but inside, i’m always thinkin about what i’m missing. i feel like i have to try harder just to be at the same level. if we’re doin a project, i work extra hard so they don’t think i’m dumb. if we’re hangin out, i make sure i’m funny or helpful or something, like i gotta earn my place all the time. and they never asked me to. they never made me feel like i’m “less than.” but that don’t change the fact that i still feel less than. i can’t stop comparing. even if i got the same grade or the same laugh, i still feel like i’m catching up to everyone else’s life.

i don’t even talk to anyone about it, not even my best friend. how do you even say, “hey, i feel small around you sometimes even tho you’re nice to me”? it’s not their fault i feel this way. it’s just... the way everything is. the way i grew up always worrying about bills or food or how to fix something ourselves because we can’t pay someone to do it. nd even when i’m at school, doing fine, gettin decent grades, i still feel like one wrong move and i’ll slip and they’ll all realize i’m not like them. it makes me scared to dream big sometimes. like, who am i to think i can be something? go to a big college? have a cool job? buy my mom a house? sounds fake when i say it out loud. it’s hard to believe in yourself when everything around you has always told you to settle. and even harder when you’re in a place full of people who already have what you’re fightin for.

so yeah, how to overcome inferiority complex? hell if i know. i’m still figurin it out. maybe it starts with stopping the comparisons, or reminding myself that money don’t make someone better than me. maybe i gotta start believing my friends actually like me for me, not what i have. i guess i gotta remind myself that i’m smart, i’m funny (sometimes lol), i’m kind, and those things matter too. but it’s not easy. some days it’s like carrying a weight i can’t drop. but i’m tryna be better. i’m tryna hold my head up even when my shoes are scuffed. maybe i don’t got all the stuff they got, but i got my own story. and maybe one day, i’ll look back at this and realize i was enough the whole time. just gotta keep goin. one step at a time.

This will be very long, but that's just how much I need to let out. So, let me begin.

I used to have a friend group, it felt like the world was mine when I'm with them. Plus, I was sort of the leader. But later, we all had separated because of most of us transferring to different schools. I wanted to keep touch, of course, but over time, we drifted apart. We still text, but what's bothering me is one of my friends from our group who I should say is one of the closest to me.

At first,we were both venting to each other about our new environment, but lately, I noticed he getting way less present. In our group chat, when I text her personally, she became more distant. I found out that she probably has new friends. So of course,she'd already forget us since she has a replacement now.

I wish I'm like her. Someone who can easily forget others. Because the more I remember, the more it hurt. Moreover, at my new school, I turned into a quiet kid. New kid, so everyone already has friends and has no room for me. Ignored, invisible even when I try to participate, they wont acknowledge me. Be it my peers or the teachers.

This made me feel lowly. Another thing if like to vent about (told you, there's a lot) is about my appearance. I'm short, wear glasses, not exactly that fair... I wish I can be pretty. I always wonder how other girls can look pretty, even if they look like me. I think it might be because of their fashion. One more thing I can only wish for. I want to wear outfits like them. They all look pretty, elegant and trendy. Like people others would walk by and say "wow, she's beautiful". But whenever I express my desire to wear pretty outfits, my family would tell me that it 'doesn't suit me' or like 'when are you gonna wear it?' .

My sister is trendy. She can go out on her own, buy clothes without worrying what others would think. She's tall, pretty, smart, admired. I'm only a year younger but I can never look as mature as her. She has her own bank card, her own purse... When I ask for these, my parents would procrastinate buying me one, I'll end up never getting it.

I just want to be like them. I want to have friends, go out with them, look pretty, go to fancy events (my school never does them, while my sister's always has these events), I just wanna feel wanted. But I'll always be the average, unwanted, background character. I wanna feel important in someone's life just like how important my friends are to me. I wish I can be someone who doesn't break down crying from just a few nice words from a stranger on the internet. I just want to be someone else who's not this pathetic me.

Sorry for this being so long, I actually have more to say, but I'll end it here. Just the thought of someone reading this whole thing is amazing. Just so you know, I appreciate you. I want to be someone who can provide comfort too. This makes me feel better, and I like that feeling. Thank you, thank you so much.

There were always different rumors about me because well I'm not really the invisible type ( basically I'm not afraid of cringe), but this one confuse me, I might be kinda sickly and my bones might crack a lot but I don't have any life threatening illness, even when I try to explain that I'm fine, my schoolmates just look at me with pity, heck people even organized a mini party for me and a mini fundraiser.... I don't know what to do I'm just sitting here confused as hell

yo fr i hate working. like i kno some ppl say that but nah i really mean it. every job i ever had or tried to have just made me wanna quit life. school already drains me enough, sittin in a class all day hearing stuff i don’t even care about and then ppl expect me to go flip burgers or stock shelves after?? nah bro, miss me with that. i aint lazy lazy like i’ll do stuff if i have to, but if i can avoid doin too much, best believe i’m gonna. the thing is i still need money tho, like i wanna buy stuff, get snacks, maybe save up for a used car or whatever, but i don’t wanna work my butt off 8 hours a day for it. that’s why i been tryna find jobs for people like me—people who hate working. not even being dramatic here, just bein real.

i been looking at stuff online and some jobs don’t seem that bad if u just wanna chill. like night shift security guard? sounds kinda perfect. u just sit there most the time, watch cameras, maybe walk around once or twice, but mostly ur alone and no one bothers u. plus it’s dark and quiet which is way better than loud annoying customers. another one i saw is library assistant or something. u just sort books and tell people to be quiet basically, which is kinda my vibe not gonna lie. nobody expects u to go fast, it’s all slow paced and peaceful. also heard about dog walking or pet sitting, and that honestly sounds fun. dogs don’t talk back, they don’t judge u, and if u walk like 3-4 dogs a day u can get paid decently. only downside is cleaning up poop, but honestly i’ll take that over dealing with rude customers anyday. and some ppl even make money just posting vids online or streaming games. i aint famous or anything but if they can do it maybe i can too one day idk.

i just wish ppl would stop acting like u gotta love working or have some big dream job. like nah man some of us just wanna chill, not hate our lives every morning. i see adults working like crazy, gettin burned out and miserable and i’m like yeah… no thanks. if i can find a way to survive without going insane, that’s enough for me. maybe one day i’ll find something i don’t mind doing, maybe not, but for now i’m just tryna figure out how to get paid without killin my soul in the process. nd if that means takin the lazy route, then so be it. not everyone’s built to grind 24/7, some of us just tryna stay afloat with the least amount of effort possible. and that’s okay.

Idk anymore..... I'm an MLM but I'm falling for a girl, I keep denying myself every day, it hurts me. But if I accept myself then I will think to myself what my family always says to me "don't get a girlfriend!" It really traumatized me. I'm only comfortable with guys, but with women. I don't know

i dont even kno what’s wrong with me fr. like i try, i really do. i sit in class, i listen, i take notes, i study sometimes too but it just dont stick. like my brain hears the words but it dont do anything with it. everyone else gets it, the teacher explains stuff and they just nod like yep that makes sense and im sittin there with the same confused face i had from the start. it’s like everyone around me is in on some secret and im the only one who missed it. like the whole world gets how things work except me. and i hate it. i hate sittin there feelin dumb while people answer questions and i dont even kno what page we’re on. sometimes i laugh it off like haha im just stupid lol but inside it makes me feel so small. i see the grades come back and they suck every time, and no matter what anyone says it always feels like a punch in the gut. you just need to work harder, they say. try a different method, they say. like bruh, what do you think i been doing?? its not like i wanna fail. i go home and i got nothin to be proud of. my mom asks how school was and i lie, say it’s fine, but its not. i feel like the dumb one in every room, every group, every conversation. even my friends joke about it sometimes like oh that’s just you being slow again and i laugh cuz i dont want them to see how much it really gets to me.

i see smart kids and i wish i was like them. like how do they make it look so easy?? like they just know stuff. they get the grades, they get the praise, teachers like them, they get picked for things, nd im just… there. i dont even kno what im good at anymore. not school, not sports, not talkin to people, like what is even the point of me?? i feel like a mistake. like i was born broken or something. nd yeah maybe people will say dont be so hard on yourself or everyone learns differently but that don’t help when u the one failing every test. that don’t help when u see ur friends talkin about college and future jobs and im just tryna survive next period without crying. i get scared. like, what if this never changes? what if im always the one that don’t get it? what if im always the one people look at and feel sorry for? i wanna be smart. i wanna make my parents proud. i wanna have a future where i don’t feel useless every day. but right now? i just feel dumb. nd i keep askin myself why. why am i dumb? why cant i be normal? why does my brain feel like it hates me? no one gives answers that make sense. no one gets it. they just say stuff to make me feel better but they don’t know what it’s like. nd honestly, i don’t even kno how much longer i can take feeling like this every single day...

Plz 8gnore typos

Dumping my feelings here so I do t tell someone I know smth I'll regret

R

I feel so tired and stil like idk I feel like absolute shit each day, my mind feels foggy and I think I have adhd but I can't get it diagnosed and it's wrecking my school life. I love been friend with one girl for like a year and a half and we were so close but she horridly impacted my health mentally or maybe I was always gonna be like this. I feel like in not actually close to any of my friend and I'm not very well liked. My friendships keep falling apart on my end and I feel like shit. Every friendship I enter in already thinking Aby when it's gonna end bc I've lost almost all my friendships

I'm constantly stressed abt my money for no reason and I feel bitter when I see my friend being able to spend money without feeling crippling guilt and even eating feels like a waste I don't wanna be a burden to .y family especially my mom and I think I can be a bad sister or daughter By grades keep slipping and I can pull myself together to fix it

I to8ght I was getting g better but I've started slipping again and I've been considering cat scratches ifykyk and I dunno why I'm doing g this anymore I wanna be in phycaitry bit I'm not smart enough to get into mrd school. Other than that people keep asking me to decide what I wanna do jn the future but I'm a ducking kid and I don't god damm know what I wanna do if the future Some of my friends ds (the 1year frie d) vents to me about her issues but I can't help but think that she's kinda got it goof and why can she vent but u can't without changing how people see me? I wanna help her but it took so much out of me. I care about her vut I find myself hating g her sometime I I hate myself for it and lots other sikt that I can't write anymore

I'm about to choke. It's 4:20 am right now. I'm doing homework for tomorrow and some assigments i had to turn in ages ago. I'm trying to take my mind off things because i swear i'm so close to throwing up. I'm too scared to sleep. I'm so scared of what tomorrow will be like. There are so many tests coming up all at once, and my grades are only getting worse. I'm ruining everything i've worked for and now i feel like a failure. Two years ago i was actually doing well. i though things were getting better, that i was making progress but i ruined everything. I'm trying to be better. More productive, more polite, more present, more responsible, smarter, nicer, Better. But i can't. I keep on failing. I keep on messing up. And i'm so tired. I'm always so tired recently. It's so hard to do anything. Even things i used to love doing now feel like a chore. I'm stuck. I feel like a i'm falling behind while everyone else Is moving foward and i don't know what to do.

I'm about to choke. It's 4:20 am right now. I'm doing homework for tomorrow and some assigments i had to turn in ages ago. I'm trying to take my mind off things because i swear i'm so close to throwing up. I'm too scared to sleep. I'm so scared of what tomorrow will be like. Sometimes i wish It could be night forever. It's funny beacuse i used to find It scary. Sometimes i still do. But honestly I think i find It better to bask in the dark and not be able to see an inch from my nose, than to stay out during the day where i can perfectly see all the ways i messed up. Where i, and everybody else can see how much i failed and dissapointed myself and those around me who wanted me to be better than this. I wanted to be better than this. I still do. I'm trying to be better. More productive, more polite, more present, more responsible, smarter, nicer, Better. But i can't. I keep on failing. I keep on messing up. And i'm so tired. I'm always so tired recently. It doesn't matter what i try, or how much progress i make, i end up messing everything up. And It's exhausting. I've been this tired for ages now. Everything feels so hard, everything Is so tiring. I feel like a burden to those around me. I'm becoming everything they hoped i wouldn't. And i'm wasting all that they did for me. All because i can't pull myself together. And i don't understand. Why? Everybody else does It. Why can't i? What am i doing wrong? Why can't i be better than this? I want to be better. And i'm trying. But It all keeps going down the drain.

I feel like shit. I just took my first exam of this semester and I don't feel like I did well. For some background I am currently in the highest level accounting course in my school and opted to take a 7 week course while also working full time. The class started 10 days ago and I ended up getting a 76% on this exam. I am beating myself up and berating myself because I feel like I should have done better and I want some chocolate or something to bring my mood up but I feel like I can't let myself try to feel better because I'm subconsciously telling myself that it's okay to get Cs on exams. And I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I work 40 hours a week and accounting courses can be hard and 10 days isn't a lot of time to learn a bunch of material. But this isn't a STEM major (I'm an accounting major) and I didn't use my time well. I should have reviewed more of the material and gone over the reading more before taking the exam. I just can't justify letting myself be comforted about my performance on this exam. I don't know what to do. I can't just give up, this is my last accounting course. How do I move past this feeling?