School Stories

[IMPORTANT NOTE: I AM TRANSGENDER]

ok so basically, I'm going to high school next year. my 2 closest friends aren't coming with me, and they've really been the only ones defending me when someone was dead naming or misgendering me. and I'm just really scared that next year I wont be Bowie to anyone. I'll never be seen for who I am.

I’m not entirely sure what to put to be honest, I’ve tried multiple venting websites and there’s not much to say but here goes nothing.

last night at around half eight pm my cat, Bendy, passed away.

the whole night I stayed up crying to the point where I haven’t got enough sleep, I went to school today and I was so tired I didn’t even know what my own name was.

i haven’t got anyone in my life to speak to about this and I seriously don’t know what to do.

it’s even got to the point where I’ll burst out crying at anything cat related, literally before posting this I was crying looking at old pictures of him.

I don’t expect this to get much attention but meh.

so I'm a young animator in middle school currently trying to balance my new object show, school, and my various disabilities that make it difficult to even live properly. I love my show, it brings me joy, but I'm wondering if I'm fixating too much on it. my grades are fucked, im getting in trouble more, and the hiring process is certainly not helping.

sometimes i rlly wonder if its just me or if im actually that bad to be around. im 17, i go to school every day jus like everyone else, but nobody ever notices im there. its like im invisible or somethin. i try makin friends, ive tried a million times. i talk to ppl in class, i join groups for projects, but every time i try it jus ends up awkward n weird. feels like nobody actually wants me there, they just deal wit me til they dont hav to anymore. nobody invites me to parties or hangouts or even jus to chill after school. i see all their pics online laughin and hangin out n it hits me hard every time that nobody thought of me. i rlly dont kno wat im doin wrong? is it cuz im quiet, or maybe not funny enough, or do i look weird or somethin? i jus wish somebody wud tell me why they dont like me. teachers always say dumb stuff like "just put urself out there" but they rlly dont get it. i am tryin, nd all it ever does is remind me how much nobody rlly likes me. even lunch sucks cuz theres never anyone who wants me around. most days i just eat by myself in some quiet corner hopin nobody sees how pathetic i am. sometimes i wish i cud just be someone else, somebody cooler, somebody ppl actually like bein around.

my parents keep askin me why i dont bring any friends home or hang out after school. wat am i sposed to say to them? "hey mom n dad, nobody actually likes ur son"? i kno they love me, but theyll never understand. theyll jus say im bein dramatic or tell me things will get better. but wat if they dont? wat if im jus stuck feelin this lonely forever? honestly, im tired of it. sometimes i lay awake at night thinkin bout wat its like to hav real friends—ppl who text u jus cuz they wanna talk, or ppl who actually care if ur ok. ive never rlly had that. its always jus been me. nd i try not to care but it hurts a lot, like rlly hurts. makes me wonder wat the point of even tryin is, if all it ever does is remind me how alone i am. sometimes i think bout jus givin up n acceptin that im probly meant to be alone, but deep down i guess i still hope maybe someday somebody might actually like me for who i am. even tho rite now that seems pretty impossible.

I’m so fucking done with ppl who don’t know my tell me to die die die all the fucking time I accidentally posted a vid of a few marks and now getting judgement for it I don’t know if there right maybe I should just die but I don’t want to go to this stage again of feeling low and self harm and being suicidal I literally js got a text from her now saying to kill myself like what am I ment to say to that ohh Yh sure like what the fuck I’m so stuck and I have school starting on Tuesday and I’m literally so scared to go back idk what there gonna do and my anxiety is so crazy I’m having panic attack and anxiety attacks all the time now

I have national exam in about few days and I'm so scared. I really don't know anything and I just keep getting distracted. I'm stressing and hyperventilating but I still can't study and foolishly wasting my time in phone. It feels like the world is gonna end for me. I really wanna give. I don't wanna do this anymore. I'm scared about my parents. I'm so scared that I'd rather give up than face them. I hate it, I hate it so much. I'm so dumb, stupid and idiot.

My best friend recently just changed out of nowhere and now I think she hates me. I asked her if she was fine when we were walking to class and she just snapped at me. And once I asked her to be in a group with us for a project with some other friends and she said yes so I was surprised that she wasn’t going with her other good friend and she was like “do you not want me in your group?” Am I js overthinking or does she not wanna be friends anymore?

so I'm in uni and there's this one guy who's annoying. and when I say annoying he is extremely annoying. very confident in himself, socialises quite well with everyone ( in a way where they all joke about him not doing work and he claims he does work - he does the work, mostly, he knows what's happening and is just lazy I believe-- a lot of the people go to him to ask him if their answers are right --he gets the answers from previous year students)

I, as a shy person, hardly speak to him or even look at him. I'm there, quitely getting my work and struggling on my own. I wonder if he even knows my name. another reason why I don't speak to him is that I've been in groups with him before and it wasn't very pleasant - ego, and all stuff I can't find the words for right now

point is- he was presenting with his group the other day, and I was observing how he was making faces at this girl in his group who kinda messed up the introduction of the presentation. I was like she's nervous, it's not that deep, why is he getting so annoyed. I ended up making eye contact with him and I looked away cuz now why not ( the type to think all girls like him and if you constantly make eye contact it means the same)

when I was presenting, a girl next to me volunteered to answer the lecturers question and he was looking in our direction with weird curiousity and smile/smirk idk on his. then I realised oh maybe it's cuz they volunteered to answer and save the group or he thinks they nerdy idk. later, the same girl next to me told me that when we both presented our parts, he listened and constantly nodded in agreement to our points , and for the others , he had his earphones on and was glued to his phone. I was like okay well it doesn't have to mean anything

few days later, when the same girl and I were walking to the lecture room, he was sitting on the side and I saw him literally following us (with eyes) as we walked. the girl and I are like whatt even.

a day later, we had to work together again amongst others, and other groups were discussing and working together, but mine was just quiet. so I was like looking around to see ..guys are we gonna work together or what. and I looked at him . eye contact. and the actual point here is . his eyes says something, shows some sense of emotion but what's working on me is that I cant figure out what the eyes are showing.it feels like there's so much being spoken in those seconds. like hes thinking so much and what is actually going through his head? what is he thinking? is he looking at me with disgust? superiority? it doesn't look like it. it looks something soft. or mocking sometimes? in the sense that he is well confident in himself, life sorted, socialises. firstly, I'm shy and he hardly even heard my voice or saw me, so what I'm questioning is that why are his eyes like that 😭. and why am I overthinking all this. and I'm not into all this liking and having a crush and all so please don't jump to these thoughts😭 it's just really irritating not knowing what's he thinking and also irritating to want to know what he's thinking.

really sorry for such a long story, don't know how to summarise. I need a solution. I can't keep feeling shy with people first of all. and why must I feel weak and break the eye contact and feel weird about what he's saying with his eyes.

I don't know.

(what? these letters to myself actually really help. You should try it.)

Hey me,

I see you in homeroom, blasting Letdown through your earbuds. I'm doing the same thing. Marching Band yesterday was crazy, wasn't it? Last year's Spring Trainings weren't that fun! I don't remember playing Sharks and Minnows and Red Light Green Light last year, do you?

Anyway. I know seeing Skyler again hurt. I still don't know why he stopped talking to you. He's a bit of an asshole, you know? But at least you have Kiara, and your cousin, and sometimes Kris. Maybe, eventually, even Greysi or Lillian. And Lauren seems to like you decently. You don't need Skyler, do you?

I know you really liked him. But you're over him now, aren't you? I know I am.

And you can have just as much fun at the Marhing Band car wash without him. I know, being friends with him made it more fun, but you don't need a boy like him to have fun. You'll make new friends. And like I said, you have Kiara.

I know he hurt you really bad when he started ignoring you. I get it. Things like that hurt. And now, it just adds to what your school "friends" have been doing to you. But trust me, you don't need him. And things like that never last forever. My guess is that he was friends with you while he liked you, and when he stopped liking you, he didn't see any point in being your friend anymore. Boys have weird logic like that. I swear I will never understand them.

I know things seem bad right now, because soon you're gonna have to see him two to three times every week, but you'll get over him completely. I promise. We're gonna get through this. We're stronger than you think we are. Heck, we're probably stronger than I think we are.

You got this,

You.

Hi I am Amelia and I would like to share my story, so on the first day of starting my new school i was hated for no particular reason I got through the day by myself and I got home and had a friend request of a boy from my year in school and it said “listen hear new girl who even are you” and I said “there is no need to be rude to me i haven’t done anything wrong to you but I’m Amelia you?” And he said “none of your business” and I said “okay then ima block you” and he said “do that and I will rape you” and I have BPD so I got mad quickly so the next day in school I saw him I went up to him and I said “go on then rape me” and he said “fuck off you slut” and I didn’t even say nothing back I threw a punch and knocked him out with one punch I got excluded and became the most hated person in my school when I went home after my exclusion I had death threat messages of girls and boys from my school telling me to kill myself and slit my wrists and sick things like that and as I have BPD I am very sensitive so I listened to them yes I slit my wrists yes I attempted to kill myself, nobody noticed apart from my English teacher who is now one of my favourite teacher she pulled me out of class as she noticed all of the scars on my wrists and she said “Amelia I know we haven’t really spoken before but you know i am always here for you” and from that day we have this connection between us like someone actually understood what I was going through and yes I still struggle really badly with my mental health yes I still hurt myself but at least I know I can always go and speak to my English teacher she is the only friend I have and is my best friend, in primary school I suffered with severe bullying because of how I looked I weren’t the most good looking kid when I was younger and all of this on top as at home it was the worst I was abused by my parents and had nobody to talk to, and home was an escape from school but school was an escape from home, to this day I haven’t told anybody how much I am struggling I am holding on for dear life debating wether or not I should let go.

(All the names in this story are fake names) so basically i am in year 11 and i am 15 years old and i just had a drama exam and we were doing a scene from the play the dawn raids (if u dont know what the dawn raids are just search it up) and i was originally in a group with exchange students and this girl called Abigail but then my teacher swapped the groups because they were leaving before the drama exam so me Abigail, Elle, Sue, Kayla and me were put in a group i was happy because Elle was my best friend from primary school, Abigail i just met so I didn’t really know anything about her, Sue i just met her but she has autism so i knew i had to help her a little bit with the lines, Kayla she was an exchange student but unlike the others she was here for the whole year, anyway so Abigail was sick when the scene and roles were decided and because our scene had three characters mr said were had to repeat the same scene but sue would play the cop in both plays the week after this Elle was in Aussie and Abigail was sick still so Kayla, sue and i practised the scene and did the blocking and there was a specific move that only my group had anyway a few days away from exam day Elle, Abigail and sue were practicing then my exchange student friend Yasmine was all along since her group left so I offered her to play the cop in my scene as in me and Kayla then the group of five of us split up into two groups one group containing Abigail,Elle and sue then the other was containing me Kayla and Yasmine so the exam day comes and we perform my group does well and there were like two other groups including Elle, Abigail and Sue so this move was basically the only way that our group stood out and it separated us from the other two groups doing the same scene and then the next monday my drama teacher was like because half of the groups didn’t do that well I’m extending it so we’re just going to pretend that Friday was a dress rehearsal so my group was like okay whatever we’re going to do it again and on Monday we performed to get feedback so the next lesson which was on Tuesday we were going to put the feedback that we got from our classmate and teacher, to try to perfect it and so I was just standing outside waiting for my group members to meet me where we normally practice outside and their Elle Abigail and Sue were practising their soon and at this point my group was out and I was just watching and then I saw them use the move that separated us from the other groups and so me and my group walked away to the other ping-pong table and I’m just like did you see that like they used to move and after about half an hour I rack up the courage to tell elle about it and it takes me awhile because I’m not a confrontational person so I tell her and I’m like hey we don’t like that you the move because it’s the only thing that separates us and mix a stand like apart from the other two groups and she’s like okay I can tell Abigail but you have to be with me and I’m like fine because although I’m not confrontational and I didn’t want to do it I know that I had to compromise otherwise nothing was going to get sorted out so I so I walk behind Elle and then Elle I feel like for me under the bus and it’s like Abigail Eve has something to say to you and I stare at Elle so i sorta felt betrayed and angry anyway so I don’t look Abigail in the eye and I just look at the floor and then I know that I should’ve been louder but I talked quietly and explain our reasoning. The next day I am in math and I tell my friends about what happened as I wanted advice and I want to vent and then my friend Blake was like I have her next period for media they share the same media studies class do you want me to ask her about it and I’m like sure whatever so Blake tells Abigail about it and media and then Abigail emails me but I didn’t see that till third period in science when I had to send an email to a teacher and so I respond to her email and I say not anything against you it’s just I feel like this move separates us from the other two groups and our scene was hard to block because of like it was outside and like these two people are walking but there isn’t really anything else to do with it other than walk and sit so we were really angry and upset and disappointed that our move got stolen and basically when I talk to Abigail she was like we thought of it like when we were a group altogether collectively and I’m like no we didn’t as you were sick and Elle was in Aussie and and she said that we were gatekeeping the move but as I see we weren’t keeping it for the sake of gatekeeping it gatekept it because it was the only move that separated us so anyway after that we had like drama last period and Elle comes up to me and it’s like I want to sort this out can we please talk to Mr and I’m like I’m fine with that but you have to talk to Abigail about it so Elle goes up to Abigail and they talk for about five minutes then Elle comes back to me and it’s like Abigail said that we won’t use that anymore and I’m like sweet okay cool and so it goes another group then it’s Abigail Elle and Sue go before us and they use the move and then Mr asked if like getting one more sound and stuff and like lighting for a part of their group came up with doing siren lights and a siren sound effect for when the cop comes in and Abigail must’ve heard that and then she used that as well as the move that she said that they wouldn’t use

Dear me

I Remember when you were 11 excited and nervous to go to college A on your first day. Excited to make new friends, meet new people and teachers, yet nervous as you wondered about how hard it would be as it is a big step up from year 6 but u kept telling yourself don’t worry you will be fine or so u thought.

You were 12 now in year 8 thinking it would stay the same…well boy were you wrong,

everything Changed the friend group broke apart, lonely lunch’s sitting by myself, rumours spiralling, friends distancing themselves,people staring as you pass them through the hallways and fake friends asking what’s your sexuality trying to find out if the rumors were true and then there was you feeling hurt,betrayed and crap about myself. you wondered if things would change? Or if it would effect you more than it already had.

now you were 13 in year 9 dreading to walk through those gates again knowing that you were the most hated student in your year, the rumors still spiralling except now i liked my best friend the thought of me liking her in that way is weird and unsettling,

Classmates always asking are you if you And your best friend secretly dating you would always respond with no even if i was dating her I wouldn’t tell u as its none of your business. You was really badly affected by this that a lot of the time you faked sick as you really dreaded and hated coming to school and even if you did come to school u could feel the eyes constantly staring at you making you squirm in your seat as if u really really had to pee it was really uncomfortable and you feel numb and depressed inside but on the outside you had a happy and smiley forcade. Every night you wished and dreamt that things would get better.

Year ten rolls around and you get good news you’re in a class with my second cousin and you think finally i get someone to sit with during class but it turns out you sit by yourself again and you feel alone and isolated again for the third year in a row. You take French drama and business studies as your extra subjects, in French you sit alone nobody talks to you unless they have to, when you have to get in to buddies or groups you always find yourself alone the only one without a partner or a group and you think to yourself they hate me am i a bad person? Do i not deserve acknowledgment? Your French teacher always sees you alone and makes me join another group beside you or join Evie (fake name) who has some syndrome and is hard to understand when she speaks as her words slur together and she is as quiet as a mouse, and it was just horrible i had no friends in that class nobody to talk too and nobody to acknowledge me. Drama was ok you liked your teacher there were some popular people in your class but they avoided you and you avoided them. But when you came to assessments you were always the last one to get chosen its like dodgeball in those high school movies where you are the last on that hasn’t been chosen and balls get pelted at you I remember when u had nobody for your Shakespeare performance and the only people available were my internationale friends i joined up with one of them but she was leaving back to japan a week befor the assessment so at the last minute me and the other exchange student had to learn a script off by heart but we also had to do blocking for it a day before the assessment but you were used to it at that point. A few months later you and your mum had a fight about something stupid and you felt crap about yourself again and this time you followed your instincts and did something bad when your mum saw she freaked out and u bursted out crying you cried so much it was like your tears flooded the room as you tell your mum about your school life At A. what feels like the worst part of your life then turns to the best part of your life as u go from rock bottom too the highest of highes as your mum said that you can move schools to B. again like at your first day at A you are nervous and excited.

now 15 and in year 11 you are very luckily and grateful as you find your place there and make new friends, you even met a old very good friend from primary school there and you cry in her arms as you haven’t seen your best friend in 3 years and you made really good friends there and you are much happier at B than A although you still struggle mentally you are a lot better.

I hate school. It stresses me the heck out and I get social anxiety so when I have a presentation or something I either fake sick or just start crying. me and my friend both struggle with some mental health problems and it does NOT help in school at all. EVER. anyways school is really hard and its 6 freaking hours which is so so so so so so so long to just sit there and learnnnnnn

I was receuited on my school bus my lowerclass people saying they needed eyes in my class especially on one student and i was like sure fine... Fiture me is kind of regretting it. But this society is completly founded and powered by people in a lower class than me. But they aint joking, had me sign a whole official document(i read it) and now i hate to follow the commanding people and the mysterious authority person. Its a simple group tho, we just gather information on people for fun, which is tasked by the commanding people(founders) and sometime get revenge if deemed worthy and funny thing, managed to get one of the founders to admit he used chat gpt for punctuation and complex words😔✋

2024, it was at the time when school was ending. I put on my school uniform: Socks, t-shirt, skirt and a bright red cardigan before brushing my hair in the mirror. I hated how I looked, it was hideous, but at least the school year was about to end! I walk into my classroom there wasn't much to do since all of our lessons are basically over I would go over to my two friends, I wasn't so fond of the other. Actually I hated her, she bullied me for 4 years and expects me to be her friend? The other is the one I absolutely adore they're just so perfect! I sit down with them but I can feel the one I hate (nickname: CM) hand go down to touch my thigh, it was a light touch but I thought nothing of it. But soon the thigh touching would get more and more aggressive, frequent and more up my thigh. I thought I was free from that uncomfortableness when the school holidays hit but once we got back into school things escalated more and at break CM said to me "Let me touch your b00bs 5 times and I'll give you my blade" CM knew about my self harm and used it to bribe me, I said no at first but soon enough she persuaded me to do it and then. It became a daily thing, she would touch my breasts and even pinch my nipple's, at first I said "No! Stop" to her but she wouldn't listen and it got to the point where I had to forcefully try to get her off me. Then it turned into putting her hands in my v@gina and I told her to stop, I almost felt my insides getting ripped apart, I almost cried. CM would do this on daily basis but then soon I lost hope, I started to not retailate or saying "no" I sat there and let it happen. I just dissociated...

Fast forward now CM isn't allowed to interact with me but yet I can still feel her hands on me, I have constant nightmares about it and I can't look at my school uniform without crying.

I want to report it to the police but my friend says not to because we are underage and they won't take us seriously, also if we wait until we're over 18 then we can get her a proper sentence. My only problem is that I'm not going to be making it to 18, definitely not. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel hopeless. What should I do?