School Stories

(TW for SH)

I abselutely despise school, because it's just a bunch of work being suddenly loaded onto your back which is really stressful. As much as I hate it, though, I'm only now realizing how much I relied on it as a distraction. Back in September I caved in under pessure and started self-harming. It's been a really long journey, but after being clean for some time, it just ended all of a sudden tonight. I don't know how; I had an amazing day hanging out with my friends and all of a sudden I get home and this happens?!

I wish I could go back to school, and I wish that summer break hadn't started so soon. I hate being left alone with my thoughts for this long because this is what happens.

Long vent

Super, super long day today. I feel exhausted and just honestly like a wet rag.

Had two tests today and idk how to feel about them. I don't think they went bad, but i do think i could've done better. I did study, but not as much as i wanted to, cause yesterday i felt really bad and couldn't continue for a while. I just kinda wanted to go home and sleep forever, but then my mom told me that this morning my grandpa called (from my dads side, we're not good terms with them) and got aggressive and insulted her over the phone. Now she'd like me to call him and defend her, I think. Maybe argue back and throw some insults of my own. But i get really nervous in arguements and It takes nothing to make me start crying, and Just the thought of calling and argueing with them specifically freaks me out. I don't know what do right now. I'm just tired of everything.

I often find myself wandering the halls of my school, feeling as if I'm cloaked in a bubble of invisibility. There’s this overwhelming sensation that everyone is watching me, or worse, judging me. I mean, why is it that I have no friends? Is it something I've said? Something I've done? Or is it simply that I'm just not likable enough? I often observe groups of students laughing and chatting, and I can’t help but wonder why I am not part of their conversations. Do I have a sign on my forehead that reads “unwanted”? Honestly, it feels like I’m the butt of some invisible joke—and trust me, it isn’t funny!!!

As days bleed into each other, I consider the possibility that perhaps my existence irks people. Maybe it's my aloof demeanor or my refusal to conform to the expected behaviors of a "typical" teenager. It seems to me that people thrive on conformity while I repel it. But is it wrong to be true to myself? Why should I change for others when I am perfectly fine as I am? Maybe this lens through which I perceive social interactions is distorted. Yet, every time I try to engage, I am met with cold responses or, even worse, indifference. Is there a rulebook that I’ve missed? Is my approach to socialization fundamentally flawed? I can’t help but question whether my supposed unpopularity is a reflection of who I am or simply a result of circumstances beyond my control...

Despite these feelings of isolation, I want to hold onto hope!!! I refuse to let negativity dictate my self-worth. Life is too short to agonize over the opinions of those who hardly know me. Perhaps the tides of change will turn, and friendships will blossom in unexpected ways. The world is vast, and there are countless individuals out there who may appreciate my uniqueness. So, why do I allow this unfounded fear that everyone hates me to consume my thoughts? Instead of drowning in self-doubt, I will choose to focus on self-improvement and personal growth. Today, I may feel invisible, but tomorrow could bring new opportunities!!!

Currently 7:20 pm. Trying to study for test tomorrow and pretend i'm not absolutely terrified and completly overwhelmed by everything i need to and alle the deadlines i need to follow. I have a test practically every day. Not great. I'm tired, i'm burnt out and demotivated and Just the thought of what i have to do and study makes me wanna throw up. I've been trying to fix things recently. But i messed up the last few days. Felt horrible. Got anxious and procrastinated. Tbh i've been feeling like this for a while. 2 years and something i think. It's annoying. I Just feel so tired and everything feels like too much even things i used to like, like hobbies, drawing, movies or even basic things. Like just cleaning or cooking or eating. And while i do try to fix things It Just doesn't work. I always mess up and go back to the start point or even worse. Idk why. Maybe i'm just stupid. But i'm so tired and i feel like such a failure. Everyone else does this just fine. They're improving and getting Better and better. Why am i struggling? I just keep getting worse. Sometimes i just wanna sleep and hide and forget about It. But most nights i can't even sleep because i just feel so horrible. Today i didn't go to school because i didn't sleep almost at all last night, i felt miserable and the thought of going made wanna throw up. And my friend said She over heard some of our classmates talk bad about me behind my back. Honestly sometimes i fell like i deserve It, them being mean and other bad things happening. Cause they are amazing and beautiful and smart and i just feel like a horrible person messing up everything over and over again. I'm so tired.

I have undianosed dyscalculia, and it really just overall sucks a lot. I take a lot longer to get things done in math class, and I've even gone to dislike games that everyone considers fun because I can never contribute as well as my teammates. Ever since I was about six I've kind of known that something was wrong, but every time my parents tried convincing me that I was good at math and just talking down on myself, even though I could hardly understand the concepts. it just kept getting worse as time went on, though, and now I have no idea how to bring something like that up. My math teacher has expectations for where the class should be, and I'm not there at all, if it weren't for two other people in the class then we would have way harder lessons. I've had a friend call me stupid (in a friendly joking kind of way, not at all knowing about any of this because we always joke about me being terrible at math), and even though it used to be a joke now it just hurts. I'm scared for next year because I know it's just going to get harder, and I don't think my parents are going to help get me diagnosed because they genuinely belive theres nothing wrong (I've had to have a doctor tell them I had anxiety way higher than people my age for them to belive me, which makes me think they don't trust me or just listen to me).

It's gotten to the point where I genuinely feel really dumb and stupid, even though I know I can't really help it. it also doesn't help that everything just slips out of my head, so if I do ever figure something out I can never remember and have to start all over.

I'm a teenager and ftm. I've been identifying as a male for 2 years now and I've got a binder but i hardly pass as male and everytime i try to tell a stranger I'm male they just go 'no you arent!' (because we're still in school and kids are like that :/) i really really wanna pass. Does anyone have any tips? Well, i also have a story i can tell you as compensation! Once this happened again. I was in the gym, waiting for my bus after school because i ride the late bus, and then some guy 2 grades below me like hit on me or something(?) and one my little sister's friend, who sits with me while waiting for our respective bus's said "one; that thing is a man. And two; that thing has a girlfriend." And they went 'thats a boy??? That's not a boy." As usual. So, i got up and said "im more of a man than you are." Bc im a whiny btch who gets pissed off at anyone who shows any sign of intolerance towards me or my friends. Anygay- any tips pls?

I'm really struggling in school right now. Everything is a group project for every single subject and it makes me want to cry as my anxiety gets cranked to 100 each day, and no one wants to work with me because I'm the weird girl, it's so humiliating. I can't catch a break either as teachers aren't sympathetic to my struggles at all, I know they can help but they don't... I just want to get this over with but I'm starting to doubt that I'll ever finish my career and we're only 3 months into the first year out of four. I wish someone would help me out, I wish I could focus more, and I wish I could have it easy for once in my life. Even getting to this point was so damn hard for me, can't I just enjoy my life? Everyone else seems to be doing fine. I want to be like them.

or just my life>? 17/05/25

suffering is damaging truly. i've noticed the signs of it personally for a long time now. but it lead to me thinking of what the cause was? being a teenager in the middle of an exam season in which i prepared for since the beginning of the year. i feel excluded myself from life. the beauty of it, the leisure of socialising with others, partying, late-night talks. i truly did dissocialise myself for petty grades. a letter i subjected my life too. i cut off majority of my friends and the remainder only talk to me because they're afraid i might off myself. and hopelessly, i do hate it. nobody wants to be alone- but it's better than standing with a group who pretends to enjoy your presence. this led me to spiral completely, i skipped days from school and managed my own subjects at home to avoid socialising, to avoid that gut-wrenching feeling of anxiety whenever someone outed your name- someone looked your way. and the fact is- i'm to pussy to say anything. i always was.

i was always one to receive compliments growing up which was heart-warming but led to me becoming more self-conscious on remaining in my beautiful standard. the one which attracted, who never cried, who glowed. but now, i've been to the hospital for my low blood pressure and shoulder pains which i had inflicted on myself. i fed myself junk for days then deprived myself. having a fast metoblism innately didn't work in my favour. it led me to depending on food to fill that voice in my head. the pain of school- the devastation of life, the desire to be more beautiful, to have people who liked me for me and not who i was before. and now, with rib pain caused by anxiety, i remain in the same position questioning is my life pointless.

Hi,

Today is May 16, 2025.

I've tried to ignore my feelings for a very long time now, I've been struggling between different situations, and I'm not sure how long would I be able to keep it up.

It is like today, all the bad feelings impregnated to my brian, are taking over my head.

Today, I feel ugly, fat, not a very successful person, I feel stuck, I'm not progressing, I feel lonely, I'm not a valuable person.

I feel insecure when I look myself in the mirror, I see an ugly person, like there is nothing I can do to change that, I don't like people to stare at me, as I feel, they are disgusted of what they are seeing. I'm financially broke, I have only enough money to eat and basic necessities.

In my job, I feel helpless, a nuisance. It is something new, so I don't have the skills required to execute in that role, but no one is helping, I don't like to bother my colleagues, but I don't understand what I'm doing. I tried to applied for a different job, but they are not contacting me, they are not interested in me, I've received only rejections (another thing to add to make me feel less valuable).

I work from home, so I don't really have so many people I can speak to, it is very difficult to see my few friends, and my sister is always busy, and I don't really like to bother them with my problems.

My spouse doesn't help me either, he doesn't make me feel supported. I feel stressed out around him. He doesn't make me feel loved. I feel he likes to control us and impose us, otherwise, he will get mad, start yelling and insult us, not only me, but my kids too. How I'm capable to tolerate this, what's wrong with me? There are some things we both like, like the music, anime, cinema, technology, but we lack some others, like the adventure, to know new places, to get to know new people. I know we are different people, and we are not supposed to like the same things, but I consider these things very important in my life. When we go vacationing, it turns very uncomfortable, because he begins to see negativity in people and place, he starts making a fuss over a simple thing, which makes me feel uneasy, I've decided not to go with him anywhere. He tries to minimize my older son (who is not his biological son), always highlighting his flaws, making him feel stupid, or useless. Actually, he tries to minimize everybody. I'm trying to understand him, because he had a very difficult childhood (abandonment), but I feel it is not fair for us to tolerate his behavior. I'm not sure if I should leave him, as I know even thought, I'm financially broken, he helps with the house bills and some of the chores.

My mother suffocates me too, she has been always controlling my actions, my motherhood, my adulthood, she doesn't let me be. I think I married, so I could scape from her, controlling my life. My mother was always at home to raise us, so she didn't have like a real social life, besides my siblings and me, so she spoiled us so much, mostly my little brother (who doesn't work nor study), and that's what we are afraid of my sons, as they are so spoiled by my mom. When I try to make distance, she makes me feel guilty for leaving her, for ignoring her. Like I'm attacking her. I'm not sure it was because of her, that I have so many insecurities, and complexities. She was always controlling my father, because my father was and still is a cheater and a sexist, but they are still living together, tolerating each other.

Could this be the reason I'm tolerating my husband too?

Am I guilt of my whole situation?

It's 6 am now. And can't tell of i can't sleep or Just don't want to. The past two days have been pretty bad. And i messed up. Again. Last two days i managed to get nothing done on my list. I washes my hair after a long time but that's about It. And i feel so stupid and so ashamed. I though i was making progress but i made a step foward and two backwards and wasted all this time and messed up my schedule. School was exhausting, my mom Is obssesed with a diet Plan and trying to drag me along ( i want to be supportive but i honestly can't deal with a diet or her constantly talking about It right now.) I'm behind again. The weather Is shitty. Food doesn't taste right. Clothes feel uncomfortable, and sleep makes me feel more tired and more ashamed.

Okay, so like, why does everyone hate me? Seriously, I don’t get it! I mean, I try to just vibe and be chill, but whenever I walk into a room, everyone looks at me like I’ve got three heads or something. It’s NOT cool, honestly! The other day in class, I said something about how I thought the cafeteria pizza was, like, gourmet or whatever, and everyone burst out laughing. I totally didn’t mean to sound like an idiot—but hey, who doesn’t love cheesy carbs?! They went on about how I’m delusional or whatever and even my so-called friends were laughing too. Not a single person backed me up. Totally feels like being a ghost in my own life. I mean, I heard one popular girl whisper, “Ugh, she thinks she’s so funny,” right in front of me. Like, what’s up with that? Can’t we just have a little fun without being judged? This one time, I was just chillin’ on my phone, and this dude walked up to me and asked if I was looking for a friend; I didn’t know if that was a compliment or shade? It’s exhausting, man! I just don’t understand how these people can be so cruel over nothing! Why can’t we just be nice to each other? If you think I’m weird, just say it, don't make it a group thing; people suck!

But then, like, I was scrolling through TikTok, right? And I saw this girl talking about how people hated her too, and she said, “Their opinions don’t matter, just live your best life!” Suddenly, I felt inspired. Like, maybe it’s not me, maybe it’s them! I mean, who died and made them the rulers of the universe? I’m just here trying to get through high school with a decent GPA and maybe have a little fun. So what if I wear funky clothes and like quirky movies? We all have our own vibes, right? Besides, I CAN'T be the only one who feels this way; like, lets be real! I can tell the popular crowd is so fake anyway, just pretending to be perfect and sipping their iced coffees. I think it’s hilarious when they trip up and act like total dorks—maybe we all need a bit of awkwardness, huh? So maybe instead of focusing on the haters, I’ll just be true to myself and own it! Who cares if they think I'm lame? I’d rather be lame and happy than cool and miserable! And hey, if anyone else feels like I do, let’s band together and form our own crew of misfits! We’ll be the ones who actually have fun instead of worrying about stupid opinions; life’s too short to be worried about what others think, right?

hey y'all! I'm signing off for the summer! (we have to turn in our computers) so I will see you guys later!!!!!!! cant wait to tell more crazy stories!

Hi ive just been feeling really shitty lately. My grades are lower than they ever were before and i cant seem to get my life together. Im a sophomore in high school. In the first term of my sophomore year i got 5 Fs. I didnt know where i went wrong but i told myself i’d try harder. Obviously this was the first time i’d gotten such bad grades ever. I went home and i cried to my mom. I wasn’t crying over my grades i was crying about how my father was going to handle it. I could hear him yelling at my mom from his room saying shit like “she never studies” or “shes just lazy”. Truth is ive been asking my mom to pick me up early from school almost everyday and ive been absent so much. Ive been in and out of the hospital. So the stress from that day was a lot, i even passed out in the bathroom for 2 hours until my dad found me (he said i was being dramatic and just wanted attention).

In the second term i tried to show up to school as much as possible. It was hard but i pushed through. I was so scared after what happened in the first term i told myself I’m not going to go out and see friends, even on weekends. So for over 2 months i stayed home and studied. I even got multiple tutors to help me. Even after all that hard work i got 3 Fs and 2 Ds. I was crying harder than i was in the first term. I genuinely cried so much my head was throbbing. My mom told my dad about my grades, he was angrier than before. He kept yelling at me and telling me I’m a failure and that he wanted to hit me but he was holding himself back. I was crying the whole day, i talked to my girlfriend as she tried to reassure me but it really didnt help much. That evening i texted all of my friends ily and spent over 2 hours writing about 14 letters and i tried to end it all. One of my friends and my gf stopped me. I said i wouldnt do anything again but i genuinely dont feel like living anymore. If i dont take myself out then my dad will.

It’s currently the third term. I doubt im passing this year. Ive already repeated 9th grade over 2.5 marks. Now im scared i repeat this one. I swear im trying hard but it seems like all the time and work i put into this isnt paying off. Im in a public school, and where i live our grading system takes 80% of the final exam mark and 20% of the mark from the teachers (all the tests, hw, assignments etc.). My marks are never this low. Every time i get a test paper back something in me dies. I got my math paper back today (which i spent a week studying) and i got an 8/20. I genuinely felt like crying. No matter how hard i work everything just doesn’t work out for me.

I disabled most of my accounts. I blocked most people. I dont wanna talk to anyone. Im open to the idea of getting therapy but if theyre going to tell my parents everything then im not gonna talk to them. I really feel like my mental health is going down. I feel like shit everyday and wish it would all end soon. Im supposed to graduate next year with my gf and my other friends but the fact i had to repeat 9th grade took me a year behind. Now im scared to fail 10th grade. How much stupider can i be

(I'm a teen female) Once a month, we have these small mental health sessions where the same guidance counselor comes in to discuss a mental health topic. Today, she talked about anxiety, and it literally made me realize I have been having mini panic attacks. Like whenever I'm called on, even if I was raising my hand, I will burn up and I feel so anxious and like I'm about to literally explode. Like the heating up starts from my chest and goes almost all the way up. I thought I was just nervous but I guess not. Also I did not say anything about this to the counselor because Iliterally did not want to say any of that in front of people. I probably will another day because I meet her every Monday.

Do you ever have that weird feeling in your body when you are in a group of people/a busy room with people where you feel like you don't belong in that place/moment or where you just feel invisible like a waste of space or a disappointment? that basically sums up me right now or a lot of the time.

story: So last night I went to my sisters high school for her banquet "BAND banquet" (my sister is in band/matching band so its like her "awards day" but for highschool/middelschool bad) It was me, my sister and my parents. when we got there our parents brought food and went to set it up. my parents friends MR and MRS P needed help checking people in at 6:00 and give tickets. so our parents when to the front doors to help.

my mother told me and my sister to stay where we are and watch our "stuff" (jackets and umbrellas) and as soon as they left my sister got up and I asked "where are you going??" she said: "To go find my friends." me; "why? her: "because I can" me: "but mom told us to stay here" her; "She didn't say that." me; "whatever just go-" (we started to argue so I just said go) I was upset because she wasn't supposed to leave even though shes older and she left me to be more mature and watch the stuff because I know If I left to wonder my mom would yell at me and my sister so I knew someone had to stay and I didn't feel like arguing. so basically people came in and started sitting and hanging out, kids being with their friends and my sister with hers. I started to get lonely seeing people so happy and looking like they belonged unlike me...eventually it was time to eat food, people got called up to go by tables. I had to wait for my dad to get my food so I could eat. still by myself My dad eventually came and I got to eat. my dad went back to helping I was by myself eating my dads cooking talking to myself acting like my family was with me and my dad asking how the food/cupcake tasted. and when I was done I felt sad and so alone while my sister had fun with her friends and eventually my mom came and was mad at my sister Abit for being with her friends. my mom came and ask; "have you been sitting by yourself this whole time??" me; "yeah" her: "you didn't have too, you could have come down and hangout with me." me; "but you told us to stay with the stuff and I cant leave it'" she eventually went to get her food and she/my mom sat with me and asked how my food was trying to make me feel better. and that's that.

I feel like my sister always does this. leaves when she feels like it or "change her mind" when watching our dog and cause an argument or make things unfair (keep note shes the older sibling, I'm the younger one) I feel like I have to be the adult between us and do all the adult like stuff when shes almost 18 next year and i'll only be 15. Its like she takes advantage of me so she can do her thing. even though shes the one that wants to do things "fair" when all she does is leave me to "baby sit" by myself and makes me feel wasted or like not important in anyway when I've done so much to be noticed in school, for others and my own family.

I just don't know. maybe I'm to hard on myself or my sister.

thoughts? (no negative thoughts or comments please)