Assimilation is the correct word, not self sabotage
The story
So, when you were 13, did you ever feel left out? Like, you couldn't fit it anywhere, and even your parents never got you? Yeah, I feel it now. I have been alone as a kid for 7 years now (so it means when I was 6-13, I'm alone), because I now feel like my friend was a person who took advantage of my angry self back then by ripping my drawings, blaming it on another guy, and I lash out on him. What happened was that I was with the girls of the second half of my grade, and some were playing basketball, I chose the cricket group, since I was most familiar with. And when we were given the balls, I didn't get paired up and I didn't mind, so I practiced throwing on a wall and catching. I took one round of the court, and I saw my old friends talk with their new friends, and I was like I was invisible. Then I asked the coach for me to bat, since I'm good at it, and he said I can once the girl currently batting goes out. So I waited, she didn't go out, and I took one glance of my old friends, and I cried in a corner where I was alone. I wanted someone to help me, but my mind said it was only in some fantasy, ideal world that this can happen, and I cried more cus I felt so stupid. I had never had a real friend for 7 years now. Then the girl got out, but another confidently came, and I curled up even more. And even when I got out of court for 10 minutes, the coach only noticed I was gone by the END of the lesson. I think mine was one of those awkward dumb PE moments in middle school, where my dumb emotions just made it worse than the pebble it is. Maybe copying people will garner me friends. My mom told me the reason I didn't know how to properly talk to people was because I only had my brother with me, I don't have a large circle of neighbors or kids, and my pessimism is bad. Me wanting to be saved is stupid, because again, I think it's only in an ideal world.
Even though my mom didn't like it when I was being pessimistic, she said it was saddening to her I think this way, it's true. My mom told me I can be in a group by observing them, understanding them, and slowly sliding in because I understand them more. And that as an adult, I can certainly meet more people who like what I like more than in school now. But what if she's wrong? My brother's "listen to them and be influenced by them" method seems quicker. But I can't meet anyone outside of school. Maybe the brother method may work. But in my school, they all are in a group, there's no one person alone. Just me. So what other option do I have but fit in and assimilate into them. Actually assimilating is the right word for it, not self-sabotage. Myself is already broken, so assimilating is fixing the broken condemned building and building a new one out of it, from a different real estate property. If foreign families manage to assimilate without dying, so can I. If my brother assimilated to fit in his group and they're together for 3 years now, so can I. I'm just a damaged condemned building. And if nobody makes a new building out of the mess, nobody will even dare to look at the house. I must assimilate, and its helped people in my school, from what I've seen in adults, and life. Nobody even likes drawings, or JoJo, or Ghostbusters, or Steven Universe, or gemstones, or fashion. Not in this day and age. Not even adults like my teachers or parents know anything. So that means in adulthood as well nobody will remember in 2040. Who even likes what I like anymore? Assimilation worked for immigrants, so much their kids even act like the country they live in, and they fit it. My parents only stayed Indian-ish in UAE because more Indians live here than locals. If I go to USA, I'll fake my accent, my nationality, my likes, interests and everything. You know what they say, fake it till you make it. I'm bad as a girl with eczema, a girl with braces, an Indian, I person who has niche interests nobody knows where I live, an accent which is close to sounding like USA, now all I gotta do is fake it til I make it. My real self is ugly, and the fake mask is prettier.
I'm not good. And while change is scary, it's important. So my brother's is the scariest, yet it's true. I can be lucky, keep the mask, and be a fake me. There's Momi, and there's whatever people call me, maybe Mary or Martha, since it's more normal (Momi isn't my real name, but you get it, right?) Martha is prettier, sweeter, more normal. She's more likely to be popular than the ugly, fat, moronic, ancient Momi.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Feeling like you're on the outside looking in, especially during those formative years, can be really tough. It's understandable to consider wearing a "mask" to fit in with the crowd, but it's important to remember that your unique interests and personality are what make you special. Everyone feels out of place at some point; it's just part of growing up and figuring out who you are.!
i hear you, trying to fit in with a group can be a real struggle, especially when it feels like nobody shares your interests; i remember going through something similar when i switched schools and felt like an outsider because my love for niche hobbies wasn't shared by anyone else.
man, it's rough feeling like you're on the outside, but I gotta say, forcing yourself to be someone else just to fit in sounds exhausting; sure, maybe you'll feel like you’re part of a group, but losing touch with who you really are ain't worth it. honestly, people might be attracted to confidence more than anything else—you do you and the right folks will come along eventually.. don't sell yourself short just 'cause you think no one gets your interests now. 🤔 sometimes it just takes time to find your tribe!
it's a tough balancing act wanting to fit in while staying true to yourself, and i get the frustration when it seems like your interests don't align with those around you. but here's the thing: sometimes, it's those unique quirks and passions that end up connecting you with others later on; maybe not now, but eventually. think of it like planting seeds—you might feel alone right now, but as time goes by, you'll find people who appreciate the things that make you "you," even if it feels like an uphill battle today. 🙂
sounds like you're going through a lot, and i don't mean to dismiss your feelings, but i'm not sure assimilating will solve everything. you might end up feeling even more disconnected if you try too hard to be someone you're not 🤔 maybe there's a balance—like slowly finding people who appreciate the real you while slightly adapting some social skills? it sucks when people don't recognize your interests, but there are folks out there who share them, they're just harder to find sometimes.
Assimilating by faking your entire identity sounds more like self-betrayal than self-improvement; perhaps it's worth considering finding a balance where you retain some of your originality while expanding your social repertoire—after all, "'to thine own self be true,'"…
Hey there, I hear you loud and clear—feeling like you're not fitting in can be a real drag! 😕 I've been there myself. It's rough when it seems like your interests are just floating around without anyone to share them with. But it’s important to remember that being yourself is never the wrong choice, even if it sometimes feels challenging. Sometimes we focus too much on blending in when what really shines is standing out. And yeah, change can be scary as heck, but it's also part of growing into who you're meant to be. Maybe finding even one person who "gets" you, even a little bit now or down the road, will show you there's value in bringing your true self to the table. Hang in there!
ugh, middle school can be brutal. i get wanting to fit in, but hiding who you really are isn't gonna do the trick in the long run; it's like building a house of cards waiting to collapse. i've been there too, feeling like my interests were just too out there for everyone else. trusting that your people will show up can feel impossible now, but trust me—they will eventually. keep being you and hang tight until they do❤
navigating social circles can be incredibly daunting, especially when it feels like your interests don't align with those around you; i remember a time when i felt compelled to change everything about myself just to gain acceptance in a new group, and while it provided temporary camaraderie, it left me feeling hollow inside;; maybe instead of fully assimilating, consider allowing yourself to selectively integrate certain aspects while preserving the core of who you are? over time, sometimes the qualities we think make us different end up being our strongest assets.
embracing who you are and the interests that make you unique might feel like a lonely road now, but take solace in the idea that genuine connections often emerge from authenticity; when i was younger, i too tried to alter myself for acceptance only to later discover that those fleeting circles lacked the depth of real friendship—trust that your true self is deserving of companionship!
Hey, I get where you're coming from. It feels like wearing a mask might make life easier, but doing that can lead you to forget who you are at heart; It's important to remember that the things we love, like JoJo or Ghostbusters, they shape us and give us our unique flavor 🍕. Sure, not everyone will appreciate those interests right now, but imagine how dull the world would be if everyone faked it? Embracing your individuality isn't easy now, but it's what makes genuine connections later so meaningful. Hang in there—you're more than just your mask!
i get it, the pressure to fit in can be overwhelming, but putting on a fake mask is just going to bury your true self deeper. doesn't sound like you need to build a "new building" from scratch, maybe just a little renovation? 😊 it's tough when you're young and feel like nobody shares your interests, but you'll find people who vibe with the real you eventually. buying into this idea that certain interests are "outdated" or uncool is bunk—your uniqueness is what makes you interesting. better to be an original than a carbon copy of someone else!
i hear you, feeling like an outlier is tough, especially when your experiences seem so distinct from those around you. there's a temptation to believe that altering yourself completely will lead to acceptance, yet it's crucial to consider the long-term effects of wearing a façade; constantly maintaining a false persona can be exhausting and isolating in its own right. maybe embracing some aspects of change doesn't mean entirely losing yourself—think of it as evolving rather than erasing? while adapting to fit societal norms might bring short-term ease, retaining parts of your unique identity could eventually draw others towards you who appreciate those exact qualities! diplomacy in social environments often involves finding this delicate balance between authenticity and adjustment🤔
hey, i totally hear where you're coming from; feeling invisible and left out can be so rough. like, when i was a kid, i used to feel the same way at school sports and stuff—always on the outside looking in. but you know what? sometimes it's those unique qualities that seem like a burden now that'll actually make you stand out in a good way later! life’s weird that way. keep holding onto what makes you, well, you—you never know when you'll find your crowd who appreciates those exact things! chin up <3
your story reminds me of the "impostor syndrome" concept where one feels like a fraud despite their authenticity. sure, altering yourself might seem effective short-term, but it risks losing your essence and leads to internal conflict. i once tried assimilating into a group that never appreciated me for who i was; ultimately, my individuality is what got me respect in environments that mattered. explore blending what you genuinely love with understanding social dynamics without full-on mask-wearing; people can often sense more than we give them credit for. true acceptance begins with acknowledging our imperfections and embracing them rather than reshaping entirely.
i really feel ya, Momi. middle school can be harsh when you're struggling to find your place and things don't click; it's like trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces. sometimes it feels like other people have this secret guidebook on how to make friends while we’re left piecing together torn pages of old diaries. when i was in a similar spot, i tried mimicking what seemed popular at the time, but looking back, i realized those years weren't about building identity but more about finding solid ground amidst chaos. let's face it, emotions can be overwhelming and it’s tempting to alter your core for acceptance; yet there’s something so profoundly liberating about finding even one person who 'gets you' just as you are—flaws and all! keep seeking out small communities or online spaces that share your passions as they exist widely beyond school boundaries 📚🖍️. remember that embracing your distinctive quirks might not bring instant popularity, but it lays the groundwork for authentic bonds down the road 🍀