I [21F] am at a massive crossroads and need some outside perspective before I meet my ex-boyfriend [25M] tomorrow.

We live in a traditional Arabic/Muslim country where the timeline moving toward engagement and marriage happens fast. My ex holds very traditional views—specifically, he expects his partner to not have any guy friends. To be fair, in our culture, cutting off friends of the opposite sex is bound to happen eventually as things get serious anyway. My life doesn’t revolve around boys, so cutting them off isn't an impossible ask for me if I knew for a fact I was marrying the right, safe man. But I really struggle with the idea of losing genuinely good people in my life right now for the mere potential of what someone might be.

Our relationship definitely had friction. When he gets angry, he can say hurtful things, and he even brought our private arguments to my family, which really upset and hurt me. That said, he doesn’t have major anger issues overall, and I want to be honest and acknowledge where he was coming from culturally.

After we broke up, we went into total silence. The pain of the cutoff was too much for me to handle. I panicked, missed him deeply, and reached out to ask if we could meet tomorrow. He agreed.

Looking back, I realize I was emotionally unavailable at the start and didn’t put real effort into the relationship. I loved him—maybe not as much as he loved me, but I did care. I know what I want might be unrealistic and selfish because I just wasn’t ready for it to end, and it’s unfair to keep him hanging by a thread if I can't give him what he wants.

But since I’m the one who reached out, I am genuinely wondering if I can find it in myself to change, cut off the guy friends since it’s culturally expected anyway, and give him the real effort and commitment he deserves this time around.

Am I just bargaining because I’m terrified of this being our final goodbye and I'm not ready to let go? Or is it worth giving this another shot now that I recognize my own past emotional unavailability? How do I handle this face-to-face meeting tomorrow without making a mistake?

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