I feel like everything's in my hands again. According to studies I've done that explain how a girl and I operate, we've formed a group, thanks to previous groups. We collude based on these. Without going into too much scientific detail, I observe that the therapists or anyone around me has the ability to help me express the issue and thus discern details. I have to do everything on my own and through means that said environment includes us.

They come across as extremely obtuse people, based on prejudices. It's clear that when faced with new topics that also require their development, they don't give them any dedication. I don't want to imagine what that girl's environment must be like, or the things she'll say about us, trying to reconcile with it to avoid problems, surely bordering on the fact that this phenomenon that encompasses us is nonexistent or some kind of madness typical of a psychiatric hospital. At least in this situation, I can count on psychotherapists, many of whom dare to be our guide in relationships and, as a result, make us act on them. They, like my circle of friends, and most likely hers, talk about groups based on stereotypes without falling into the abstract realm, simply to fulfill said stereotypes, or profiles. But the fact is that they tend to assume concepts through scenarios associated with them without revising the definition, which could precisely point to other scenarios in which the same definitions apply. This becomes a headache for me because this issue with the girl is something I would like to talk to someone about, consistently and deeply, dedicating the necessary time to it, precisely to be able to discern what it is about between us and be able to act responsibly.

The attitudes people tend to resort to are that, due to their lack of appreciation for the details of the relationship—something that, in fact, only I can do—they simply, going a bit further than therapists, lead me to adopt evasive behaviors, leading to escalating conflicts with this person, and I'm not as fair to them as I am to them. In this sense, it seems that my environment is causing instability in my relationship, rather than guaranteeing its stability. Of course, I observe that they rely on the relationships I have with them to remain where they are, preventing this particular development that I'm experiencing right now. Keeping quiet will only keep this there, and it manifests itself in other ways, and frankly, they prefer to talk about it. I feel completely abandoned by those around me in the midst of these circumstances; I don't know how the girls will experience it, with their surroundings completely absent from the matter. Perhaps they will resort to avoidance, but the idea is not to fall into that same game.

It's exhausting to be alone and under pressure, because the fact that I have to keep quiet about it in my surroundings makes it a burden, a difficulty for me to interact with them thanks to their reactionary nature. It's a self-centered way of thinking; in other words, they're not considering my particular circumstances. All they say is that they can't handle me, and they want to deny it through my time with them and some communications, as is often the case. All under a sad desire to avoid feeling guilty. Furthermore, I feel invisible. How is it possible that no one has stopped to notice my expressions of feeling suffocated? Of not being able to say anything? People will say that the doors are open, but that only underscores this self-centeredness, an evasive approach consisting of only observing those things that favor their status of being okay with me when that's not the case.

The worst part is that all of this, everything I've written, I express to people who are strangers, because for them, it would be impossible, as it would reveal exactly what they don't want to see. This speaks to the fact that they aren't paying attention to my relationship with me in any way. The details they shed light on are ignored; it's like not being in it. I feel like no one has the capacity to support me in this, that they've left me alone and won't do anything to fix it, all because they want to stay in their own life, which they consider good in and of itself and don't have to change it, in their opinion. In fact, no one is interested in being with me through thick and thin, in this environment I've been thrust into.

I don't know how she's taking it; however, I only see difficulties, not for anything else, but for not knowing what to do in an environment that isn't collaborative, beyond perhaps going with the flow. In the midst of it all, I feel like I'm the only one capable of doing something for this relationship, for it to stay afloat, because, unlike many people, I dedicate myself to this, going against the grain of others. For her part, I'm far from such dedication, at least with specialized knowledge, because in her environment, she doesn't need it; she only knows that this is the case It affects her, and I do things that make things work, purely as a result of that dedication. Furthermore, I highly doubt that her environment would encourage her to support that dedication, given the fact that she's deeply embedded in it. For my part, I've managed to isolate myself as much as possible.

It's unpleasant to know that you're the only one who can do something about it and that nothing, absolutely nothing, is in your favor. The environment I'm in doesn't favor an individual modus operandi, but rather one that's simply standard. In fact, in my lifetime, I don't know of an environment that doesn't do this, and that's the one she's in, and it doesn't favor her. Wishing to count on her would be the same as counting on someone who pushes against me to learn; in other words, it would be an added burden. Being at a distance is how she can truly support me, unlike others who aren't and only feel like they're taking time away from my life, because they don't allow me to express myself as I am. I always have to be very measured so as not to trigger prejudices, and they harm me. I feel that's why I'm very reserved, and at the same time, it makes me understand why I tend to be somewhat popular.

I wish I had some kind of magic wand or magic powder, without referring to drugs or anything like that, that would make this whole journey end. It's like feeling a cross on top of me, and with others under social pressure, always supported by my feelings, and being able to reach points where people can take advantage, given that this occupies a busy part of my life. I wish things were easier, even through stories, poems, or some of those texts. I feel able to express myself to her because of the censorship on social media, which also seems completely excessive and without any consideration, constituting simple flaws of the platform. In part, sometimes I wish none of this was happening, or that I had never met her, however, not because of her, but because of the environment that surrounds me. I insist, she's doing well from a distance, since she doesn't carry weight; those who are part of it are very helpful; they can't do anything and therefore keep their distance. I'm talking about being part of it because there's a group among us, and that doesn't just go away.

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