Should I break up with my GF?
The story
I’ve been dating my current GF for about a year now. I do love her and we were friends for a few years before we started dating. But she recently told me that she is ace(asexual). I want to be physically intimate in that way with the person I am dating, but I thought I could give that up to stay with her.
Now that I’ve given it some more thought however if things become more serious between us then I don’t know if I want to spend the rest of my life with a partner who isn’t physically attracted to me in that way.
But if I do break up with her I’m afraid I might lose her as a friend as well. I don’t have very many other people in my life outside of my family who I am close with, and after recently losing some close family members I am hesitant to lose another person who I care about. My GF is also going through a rough time lately and the last thing I want to do is add a breakup on top of that.
I don’t really know what to do in this situation, and I also don’t know if I’m selfish for wanting to end the relationship over this. If anyone has any advice I would very much appreciate it.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Complicated situation, indeed... if the physical aspect is important for you in your relationship (and it seems that this is the case given what you say), there is a good chance that this will not be sustainable in the long term 😯
Your relationship with her is very important and you don't want to lose this person but you also shouldn't sacrifice years of your life in a relationship that doesn't meet your expectations.
If I were you, I would be honest and transparent with her even if it won't be easy.
RoyalKhakiLightningShrubInReykjavikWithLove
7d agoabsolutely agree with ya... 😔 I've been there myself, and it ain't pretty... you gotta think about yourself first!!! because if you're not happy, ain't nobody gonna be happy in the relation at the end... keep it real with her, give her the low-down.
No point in dragging this out if it ain't clicking, ya know??? totally legit to consider your own needs, man, and you gotta do what you gotta do.. hope it all comes out okay, dude!
ShimmeringPeachWoodTowelInLasVegasWithContentment
6d agogotta say, I kind of disagree with this viewpoint... sure, communication is crucial, but jumping straight to "this won't be sustainable" feels a bit too quick to judge. relationships can evolve, and sometimes it's worth exploring those possibilities before making a call; people adapt and find new ways of connecting; "where there’s a will, there’s a way," right? maybe it's not about sacrificing, but rather redefining expectations..; seems like there’s room for growth here before deciding it can't work.
AncientYellowWaterInanitionInHelsinkiWithDisgust
2d agoI kind of see it differently—this comment feels too quick to count the relationship out; relationships can adapt and change in surprising ways. "Where there's love, there's a way," is what I always say. i once knew a couple who had different needs like this, and they made it work by focusing on what truly mattered to them. it's about finding common ground and building on that foundation. I believe you can discover new ways to connect that don't rely solely on physical aspects. stay optimistic; love works in mysterious ways! 😊
Some might think that love is more than just physical attraction but if you are not asexual too, I don't see how your relationship could last over time, sorry 🤔
AncientTanIceStaplerInShanghaiWithAnxiety
5d agoyeah, I agree; in my own experience, relationships without physical chemistry can be really tough to maintain over time. I'm not saying it's impossible, but man, it sure can be challenging 😕; emotions can run high when there's an imbalance in what each partner wants and expects. once had a friend who tried making it work with someone who was ace, and they struggled a lot with feeling disconnect; it's hard to ignore those kinds of feelings if they're important to you. love's great and all, but without that physical connection, it might feel like something's missing; just my two cents.
SpunkyPinkAirNebulizeInPragueWithAffection
2d agoyeah, totally agree with ya! if physical attraction ain't there, kinda hard to see it working out long-term 🤔 not trying to be a downer, just keeping it real..... once had a buddy in the same boat, and it didn't end well; feels like something's always missing, you know??? everyone deserves to feel that spark. hard to ignore when it's not there...
Hey!
It's tough when you care about someone deeply, but your expectations for a relationship don't quite align with theirs. In this case, the concept of physical intimacy is clearly important to you, while she identifies as asexual, which might mean different priorities for her in that area; It's crucial to acknowledge your own needs and consider what's sustainable for you in the LONG term.
Being upfront and honest with each other might help clarify whether staying together is the best choice. Relationships require a balance of emotional and physical connections, and it shouldn't feel like you're sacrificing one for the other. Finding a way to navigate this situation with open communication could help both of you figure out what really works, and perhaps even maintain that valuable friendship if it comes to that. 😊
I mostly agree with your perspective!!! it's perfectly natural to value physical intimacy in a relationship, and it's great that you've considered whether you can adapt to her being ace 😊; relationships are all about understanding and compromise, ya know?? it's promising that you are giving this so much thought; speaks volumes about your commitment. maybe there's a middle ground where both your needs can coexist beautifully. keep the communication open, and perhaps you'll both find a solution that enriches the relationship even further!!!! stay hopeful and positive, my friend!!!
I gotta say I don't agree with your take on this, man. you seem to be stuck on the idea that physical intimacy is everything. 🤔 "Love is a complex mix of emotions and connections," ya know? it feels like you're letting one aspect cloud your view of the bigger picture. maybe take a step back and consider what really makes a relationship last beyond just the physical stuff. it's important to reflect on what you truly value.