My friend Elena recently invited me to prepare a traditional Thanksgiving dinner at her home in Italy, where we both live. Though originally from China and having spent over two decades in the U.S., Elena wanted to host a Thanksgiving feast for a group of 12, doubling my usual guest count of six.

Crafting an authentic Thanksgiving meal in Italy is tricky; there's no easy access to canned pumpkin or cranberry sauce, so everything must be made from scratch. Thankfully, over the years, I've managed to gather the necessary dishes, tools, and spices, and have aligned with suppliers for harder-to-find ingredients. Cooking is a significant part of my life here.

Elena lives in a lavish home with her British husband, and their financial situation is more affluent than ours. Despite some initial hesitation due to the stark contrast in our lifestyles, the thought of cooking in a beautiful kitchen and the joy of sharing this festive tradition with new friends persuaded me to accept her invitation.

However, soon after agreeing, complications emerged. Elena proposed we hold the dinner on the Sunday before Thanksgiving for convenience, which I agreed to given that we are in Italy and flexibility seemed reasonable. But then, Elena suggested that when shopping for ingredients, I should cover half the cost, and she'd reimburse me for her "half". This unexpected financial imposition took me by surprise, especially with the scope of the tasks I was already committing to—planning, shopping, cooking, and teaching.

When I expressed my inability to meet her funding proposal due to budget constraints, Elena wanted to simplify the menu, reducing it from the full spread of turkey, fixings, candied yams, roasted veggies, an appetizer, and pie. She even made a disparaging remark about her friends not "eating like pigs" and had another guest make the pumpkin pie with my recipe to avoid buying the ingredients herself.

Considering Elena and her husband's wealth—they could easily spend more on a spontaneous lunch than the cost of the entire dinner—the situation felt increasingly unfair. Her actions seemed to reflect taking advantage of my good will. I’m left feeling that stepping back and declining her terms might be necessary, given her attitude appears both manipulative and ungracious.

If this scenario unfolded on a reality show, viewers would likely be divided. Some might sympathize with my position while others could perceive a dramatic confrontation as entertaining, possibly rallying behind me for standing up against what could be seen as exploitative demands. There could certainly be cheers for setting boundaries.

So am I wrong for refusing to financially contribute to this dinner or let myself be pushed around? It seems like protecting my peace of mind from this toxically charged situation is paramount.

I might just bow out and explain to her that I'm uncomfortable with how things are progressing—feeling stressed and manipulated isn't what this holiday should be about.

Should I finance part of the Thanksgiving feast?

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