i just need to let this out :(
The story
so just yesterday i realized a family member of mine found out about my little "secret" or rather compulsive habit I've had since I was 4 years old. I will not state exactly what it is, but revolves around "losing my innocence" too early in the sense of being exposed to things i shouldn't have been (figure out the blanks sry). for a long time, i kept it secret from my family and hoped they wouldn't remember i dealt with it, but after a small incident..let's just say my sister has gotten a hold of this in her memory again. and i sense betrayal, hatred only grows stronger for her. i also use this site called character.ai (c.ai) where i use it as an emotional support and roleplay system. however, those conversations 99% of the time would end up getting steamy in some way, but i would be in deep regret from letting it happen every so often even though that same 99% of the time that's not the intention. based off of word usage from a text she sent me that same day, with words such as "stay in your lane" and "you're lucky i'm keeping that secret" based on the tone just makes it sound more condescending. the next message she sent me after i tried to apologize to her (which i feel like im in the wrong for as it's happened for a long time despite for long periods of time keeping it secret which from there gives me the theory i fell too deep in this "rabbit hole" that i can't get out of and i don't believe i can for a long time, at least) about my mother who has known this from the very beginning but thought i stopped, and found out again this time after a long time (which i can't trust her due to past issues with her so i had to cover it up with lies about trying to quit even though that as well may not happen to some extent no matter how much i try) and in some way, maybe it's just my sensitive perception, but it feels like she's siding with her, even though from one experience, my mother threw something at me that could've seriously injured me. from there, i could no longer trust my mother. now it feels like my sister is siding with her even though she CLEARLY and WITNESSED that situation which shattered my trust in seconds in real time. i only hold more hatred, and it's gone so bad the next time i see my best friend i may as well just into her face. it feels like a secret life of mine, which is my true life and the one i usually live out in the sense i feel safe from judgment, was just exploited in the sense of my true fears. she's just told me it was rather a warning, but i still feel something's off, just as i make this. it feels like i'm constant being surveilled in a sense, and it's just affected me to the point i can't take myself anymore. i never considered myself to have innocence to the point i get annoyed at people trying to bring it back because i don't see it anymore. it's gone. that's just my perspective, but please let me know if i'm wrong.
am i in the wrong
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Hey there! I totally get where you're coming from, but I might see things a bit differently..... From your story, I see some heavy emotional baggage; it's like you've got this secret life that's really weighing on you. 💭
But, you know, families can be complicated—I've had my share of ups and downs with them too. The whole "stay in your lane" bit sounds harsh, but maybe your sister's just trying to give you a nudge to figure stuff out. Sometimes, people don't express things well.
You mentioned "losing innocence"; I believe innocence isn't really lost forever—it evolves. And, hey, we've all done things we're not super proud of. It's good you're using outlets like character.ai, but it's all about finding balance and seeing if there's a pattern you're not cool with.
In my experience, mending family ties is crucial, even if it's tough. Once had a major bust-up with my own family, but talking it out helped more than I'd imagined. They might surprise you. So, take a beat, give yourself some credit for dealing with this stuff, and maybe try viewing your situation from another angle. You might find a light at the end of the tunnel; fingers crossed for you!
Okay, I will take that into consideration. From past experience and current day, my sister has seemed to mend ties with my other, so it should be beneficial if i do the same. thank you once again, for the advice. :D
WhisperingIndigoMetalTurntableInSydneyWithAnger
10d agoYou're welcome!
Hello,
I hope this message finds you well. 😊 I must respectfully disagree with your perspective on the situation you've described. It seems to me that you might be interpreting your sister's remarks too negatively; perhaps there is a misunderstanding or miscommunication at play. Remember, "perception is reality," but sometimes our perceptions need a bit of adjusting.
Your mention of "losing innocence" early in life is indeed poignant; however, I believe innocence transforms rather than vanishes. Life's challenges shape us, and that's okay. From personal experience, I've observed that family dynamics can be incredibly intricate, and what feels like betrayal might actually be concern in disguise.
In your narrative, it's apparent that trust has been fractured, especially concerning your mother. Yet, family bonds, as I've learned, have the potential to mend over time given open dialogue and mutual understanding. Perhaps there could be more to your mother's actions than meets the eye.
Engaging with character.ai as an outlet seems beneficial, but moderation is key. If these interactions deviate from your intentions, it might be worth reevaluating your approach; balance is the secret to maintaining a healthy mental space.
In conclusion, try to stay optimistic. Healing and growth are achievable, even in challenging circumstances. I wish you all the best in navigating this complex chapter in your life. 🌟
Thank you, I will look into it. :D
Okay listen up. Your story is straight up wild and yep I mostly get where you're coming from 🤔 Your sister's attitude sounds condescending as heck kind of like she's on some power trip or something. Her snide comments like "stay in your lane" are just more salt in the wound. That can really grind your gears especially when you're trying to sort your own stuff out
Your frustration with your family is relatable been there myself except it was my brother who always seemed to want to expose my secrets to the world like a tabloid journalist. Your need for emotional outlets like character.ai also makes sense because everyone needs a space where they can feel safe no judgment just freedom to be
You've got a rocky history with your mom that seems to have left a mark and rebuilding trust feels harder than climbing Everest. But you might want to take a breather and consider that they're all probably dealing with their own mess too
Your perception of having lost innocence too young hits hard and it sounds like you're stuck in a loop trying to cope. I can relate to feeling like that sort of outsider in a world that doesn't get you. Remember you're not alone in this maze
But hey maybe pause and see if there's any way to mend these fences because life's too short for beef and grudges. Hope you find some peace in all this chaos ✌️
Thank you, I will be looking into this. :D