I (19-year-old male) told my mother I was gay today.

To start with, I've know i was gay for years yet I've never told anyone, not a friend, not an acquaintance, and especially not a family member. The though of coming out was near paralyzing to me, i feared so much. I feared I'd be shunned, i fear they'd treat me differently, i fear they'd kick me out, I fear loosing the people I loved(my family).

However, recently I started watching a show, Heartstopper. It's quiet a warm pallet cleanser of a show, and yet It gave me the push of courage i needed. As such, I decided I wanted to tell my mother, the person I love and am closest to in my family.

I tried to temper my nerves the night before, I wrote motivation on my arm(I'm ready, I'm wonderful, & I'm strong), listened to music, prepared words to say, etc... and yet my nerves didn't loosened much(I could barely fall asleep). Even with these nerves, i managed to push myself through the anxiety and start the talk.

Now it wasn't smooth, it wasn't perfectly direct at first, but It was the best I could do. I literally started it with the question "Are you good at keeping secrets?", thankfully my mother seemed to sense that I wanted to say something. Eventually, after much internal struggle I managed to get to the hardest part, just saying "I'm gay".

She actually reacted with such kindness that I didn't expect. She didn't deny my feelings, she held my hand, she said "I love you". I'm honestly getting a bit teary just thinking of this. In my head, I had so many fears and doubt about how she might handle this, yet she took it so well.

She even said she "kinda suspected it", that she had a hunch from when i was 2 and i pointed at a hot guy on the cover of one of her romance novels and said "I like him" which is so silly. I don't ever think I felt so relieved as i did in this moment.

Now don't get me wrong, my body was still in fight, flight, or freeze, and so i kind of ran away soon after to process everything that just happened.

Overall, I just wanted to share this recent moment of my life that touched me deeply, and gives me hope within my many fears and doubts.

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