more of my traumatic experiences
The story
TW, RELIGIOUS PSYCHOSIS,F*RCE FEEDING, AB*SE, MENTAL ILLNESS
[Present time] right now it feels horrid in my house, been eating like sh*t, feeling like sh*t, and my parents keep acting like everything is okay. I assume my mother hasn't told him that she wants a divorce(look at my other story for context) But honestly I'm scared sh*tless if he does, I'm scared. I'm scared that he'll go crazy again and hurt me or my mother.
[Past time, when was about 8-10 around then] so this was when I was coming home from school after taking the bus, my father recently stopped picking me up at my bustop but honestly I was glad I'm really ashamed of him. So I walk into my house and up my stairs (apartment) and I pause as I heard slaps and crying of my mom...? So I immediately speed up and run to the top of the stairs. There it was, my own "dad" hitting my mom, with her on the floor on her knees crying. I'm 8-10 so I stop and stand still, because what else am I supposed to do??? Yell? Stop him? She looked at me mid slap. "Oh my God! (Name), go upstairs!" is what she said, didn't want to see her get hurt so I listened. I dropped my bag on the floor and quickly ran away to my room and shut my door and sat on my bed. Sitting there. Doing nothing. Hearing her muffled cries and begs. [Time skip slightly, 20 minutes later] she comes up and opens my door as I was crying from guilt and worry, I immediately try to stop and stare at her in fear and worry because I thought she would've d*ed. But she just walks in and hugs me tightly, muttering it's okay. So I start crying more because this is my mom crying as well? And that's all I really remember from that.
[I think a couple days after the last story thingy] so it was morning in my bedroom and my "dad" brought me some pancakes(microwave type). So he sits me down and gives me my food and sits down with me on my bed, start eating them and I said that I didn't want them all. So this mother f*cker moves closer and takes the pancakes in his hand, shoves it in my mouth, forces me to chew it for a bit. So I'm crying. I'm 8-10 then. So he then says "None of this matters, it doesn't f*cking matter!! Because we all are dying and going to heaven!!" so now he puts his hand in my mouth and takes out the chewed up food and throws it at my bathroom door. He has a crazy, big pupiled, crazy smile on his face. So I scream for my mom. She comes running and screams as well, pulls him off me and takes me away from him to her room. And hugs me as I sobbed. And I remember her asking me what happened but I don't remember anything else.
[Around the time of the last timeskip] My dad was in this weird religious psychosis?? He wasn't even Christian for sake!! But whatever... So it was mid evening and I hear yelling as I was doing homework at the dining table. It was yelling about car keys and where were they? Mind you these keys belonged to my grandfather/ my REAL FATHER FIGURE. So obviously I needed to know because it was someone I cared about. So my father says "I threw them in the trail in the woods when I walked the dogs, god told me to." what the actual f*ck???? So my mom goes "what?" in disbelief because really we needed that car. So my mom soon starts yelling at them and they start fighting. Next thing I know I'm being pulling upstairs to pack bags to leave withmy grandpa outside yelling and arguing with my father about keys and how crazy my "dad" was. So obviously I'm scared. I'm 8 or 10??? So I cry and do as I'm told and soon we are running down the stairs and I see my "dad" with crazy eyes yelling "You can't take (my name) away!! That's my daughter!" I'm scared. SCARED. I'm sobbing and trying to get to the car my grandma was in with my bags. So now I look up at the yelling coming from my house window, it's my dad screaming, "I'll find you (name)! I'll f*cking get you back!!" uhm!!! I'm sobbing because I'm scared of my "dad" right now. So my grandma starts driving to leave, the path circles around the house. So I see my "dad" leaning out the window arguing with my grandpa where the keys were in the woods, my grandpa was mad so he started going to find them in the woods. And then I felt my grandma's hand holding mine so I broke, her pink nail polish and her clamy hands felt so good right then. And thats all i remember and the car keys got remade as they couldn't find them. Then I also stayed at my grandparents place for a bit as they put my "dad" in the hospfital for a while.
[Around when I was 9?] so my mom comes down stairs and accidently drops a mug and yells about leaving stuff everywhere and how useless my father was. So my mom starts grabbing mugs from the cup cabinet and throws them on the floor so my "dad" rushes to stop her and yells at her to stop and she does and starts crying. That's all I remember and I remember ending up at my grandparents place for a bit when she went to the hospital for a bit.
Thx for getting this far lol, I'd love any comments or opinions!!!
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Points of view
wow, that's a lot to process 😳 honestly, sounds like a rough time for you and your family. can't even imagine dealing with all that drama and tension at home. your parents really need to sort things out, for everyone's sake. hope things eventually get better for you. hang in there! 🌻
Honestly, that sounds incredibly intense! it’s wild how family dynamics can get so messed up sometimes. can't believe you had to go through all that as a kid! your mom and grandparents seem like real troopers for stepping in when things got rough. sounds like there's a lot of healing to do, but it’s good you’re sharing your story; more power to you! 🌟 hope you find some peace and stability soon. any chance things are looking up now?
your experience paints a vivid picture of the tumultuous dynamics within family systems; and it is heart-wrenching to consider the impact such events must have had on you during your formative years 😔. i wholeheartedly empathize with your situation, as my own childhood was marked by similarly chaotic episodes, and i testify to the lingering influence they can exert on one's psychological framework. while it is commendable that your grandparents offered sanctuary, the recurring nature of these incidents suggests an urgent need for professional intervention to foster healing and understanding. it is crucial to support one another, as we dissect and manage the intricate tapestry of emotions entwined in such circumstances. one element that intrigues me is your recollection of the religious psychosis; was it a singular episode, or did it manifest repeatedly throughout your interactions with your father?
while your narrative undeniably conveys distressing events, one must exercise caution in solely attributing blame to your father without fully understanding the underlying psychological complexities 😕. it reads a bit like you're casting everything in a one-sided light, almost like you'd prefer not to acknowledge that there's more than meets the eye. perhaps delving deeper into these familial interactions could unveil perspectives that are not immediately evident. despite this, it's admirable that your grandparents provided refuge during tumultuous times, and their involvement likely afforded some much-needed stability. consider viewing these challenges as opportunities for growth and reflection, rather than merely as obstacles; emotional resilience often emerges from such experiences.
it's a difficult read, honestly, and your story raises some red flags, especially the description of religious psychosis 😲. while i don't doubt your experiences were traumatic, it's crucial to remember that families often have intricate dynamics that aren't always visible from one person's perspective. when you mentioned your dad's actions you said, "because we all are dying and going to heaven"; it seems like his mental state might have been more complex than you realized. i wonder if there might have been underlying mental health issues at play. also, your grandparents stepping in must have been a huge relief for you; sounds like you had a bit of a support network going on. maybe exploring therapy could help you gain some clarity on these events?