Refusing to Plan My Son's Wedding: A Family Dilemma
The story
Having recently retired from my long-term career as a wedding planner, I found myself confronted with a delicate family dilemma. My son, Jack, and his fiancée, Emma, approached me with the request to organize their wedding. Given my extensive background, this didn't seem like an unusual ask, especially since I had taken charge of planning my daughter's nuptials earlier.
However, I felt compelled to decline their request. The major sticking point for me was Emma's habitual tardiness, which she attributes to cultural differences, asserting that it's common in her family to be late. Indeed, her family members typically arrive at least 30 minutes late to any event, and this has always been a source of frustration for me. I knew that organizing a wedding with Emma would require constant meetings, and I couldn't bear the thought of repeatedly waiting for her to show up.
This issue was exacerbated by the fact that we would need to attend various appointments with vendors and other professionals, where punctuality is paramount. I feared such recurring delays could potentially embarrass me and reflect poorly on us both. Despite previous discussions about her punctual shortcomings – one vivid memory includes her being late to my own birthday dinner – there seemed to be no shift in her behavior. Even after speaking with my son, who invariably supports her, there seemed to be no resolution in sight.
I clearly explained my reasons to them, but the conversation did not go well. Jack was disappointed, feeling I wasn’t giving Emma a fair chance, especially in light of my involvement in his sister's wedding. Emma, on the other hand, felt personally offended that her lateness was the reason I declined the role. From my perspective, her consistent failure to arrive on time left me unwilling to venture into what I anticipated would be a stressful project.
Imagine if this scenario were unwrapped under the glaring lights of a reality show, with cameras tracking every argument and confession. The tension could escalate dramatically, potentially dividing family members and audiences alike. Would viewers empathize with my plight as a punctuality-prone planner, or would they vilify me for not making allowances for cultural differences? Reality TV thrives on such conflicts, magnifying personal issues to entertain its audience.
Am I being unreasonable here?
Should I plan the wedding despite the lateness issues?
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Points of view
totally get your point here!!! as a seasoned wedding planner, your expertise is like super invaluable, and anyone would love to have that level of skill at their wedding, right? but man, tardiness!!! that's like a vendor's nightmare and can throw off the whole timeline!!! "time is money," especially when dealing with professionals who run on tight schedules, so i totally see why you have an issue with this!!! sure, cultural differences should be respected, but Emma needs to understand the industry works differently, and punctuality isn't just a suggestion, it's a non-negotiable!!! maybe she should chill and try to adapt a bit, 'cause you're offering pro-level help for free here, which is like a mega bonus!!! hopefully, they'll come around to your side and appreciate what you're bringing to the table. time for some clock management!!! 🙂
MelodicGreenAirXanthophyllInCapeTownWithDisappointment
1mo ago100% +1 here!!!
wow your situation is quite interesting 😅 I kinda see where you're coming from with the tardiness thing... cultural differences can definitely be tricky to navigate! And planning a wedding takes lots of coordination so punctuality is crucial.... but I also get that your son and Emma might feel left out since you helped his sister!
Both sides have valid points :-/ hopefully, you all can chat and find a win-win solution! :-)
Maybe compromise is in the cards here...
kinda see why you're hesitant to plan the wedding with Emma's tardiness being a factor 😬 it's understandable given your profesional background where time is super important...
GreatPinkShadowLaptopInNairobiWithAmusement
1mo agoOk but we imagine that Emma will make an effort for such an occasion! 🤫