I feel like I need to be cautious around a woman I’ve observed to be prejudiced. She feels almost like family to me, yet I sense that her prejudices keep her tightly bound—and although she tries to break free from them, it seems like they’re stronger than she is.

She’s a deeply religious person, and that terrifies me. Her way of enforcing rules—under the guise of "care"—comes across as imposing. I used to be like that too, but over time, I’ve distanced myself from that mindset.

Now I understand how others must have felt around me back then. She has a daughter—pretty, charming even—but the idea of being close to her, especially knowing who her mother is, makes me uneasy. I don’t know what secrets the daughter may be hiding, even though she presents herself as an open, accepting teenager. I feel like I can't step out of the mold they’ve placed me in, or else there’ll be trouble. Honestly, I think the wise thing for me to do is walk away from their lives. Now I understand how some girls used to feel about me.

It was nice to meet them, but under the weight of this devaluing energy, I can’t say I want them in my life. Their deep involvement in things like religion makes me feel like they’re rooted in a kind of worldview that demands change in others—to align with what they believe is right—while barely acknowledging other people’s principles. It feels suffocating. I’m scared they might try to change me, in a way that doesn’t let me come back to myself—just through guilt.

I sense that, because I’m easy to pull along, I come off as attractive to her daughter—and that she engages with me mostly out of family guilt, at least from what I can tell.

I met them when I bought coffee from them. That interaction with the woman left me feeling that her every gesture was rigid, almost mechanical. I know she tries to be kind and patient with others, but I don’t want to go any deeper—I don’t want to see her anger. They seem “too good to be true,” and I feel like running away, because one day the mask is going to drop.

What sort of assumptions might they be making—without even realizing—while thinking they’re just protecting me? I’m honestly worried that they could interpret my behavior as harmful. Right now, I’m uneasy because the woman didn’t reply to me. She saw a few of my posts, which held values opposite to hers, and then I saw something she shared about toxic people. I’m afraid she was talking about me. I hate how she makes me feel—like who I am doesn’t align with the way she idealizes me. It makes me feel like I depend on her approval, and that’s a cage. That dependency brings on this anxiety.

[Translated from Spanish. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

These are people you’d want to test—just to be sure their helpful spirit isn’t being exploited. But within that family, it’s been easy to keep things safe as long as I’ve stayed at a distance. Still, I don’t know if there are unspoken lines I’ve crossed without realizing. Honestly, I feel like I’m walking through a minefield.

I want to get away from this family. They present themselves as tolerant, but their roots and rigidity make me feel like this is headed for something terrible—silent, hard to name, and even harder to escape once I’m in too deep. I now understand exactly why my friends used to avoid me. Running into someone from my past has turned into a waking nightmare—something that feels just about to begin. I never thought I’d feel this way about myself.

And what’s worse, I think they may be entirely unconscious of the harm they could cause. They might normalize my changes—as long as they lead to what they see as ideal. They’d applaud every part of the process, even when I’m clearly lost or hurting. It’s like they want me to fail just to guide me back toward who they want me to be.

I feel the risk of being erased. Maybe I’m just confused—but the burden of trusting that they’re not what they seem feels too heavy. Maybe that’s why I’m saying all these things, about how they appear to be—things I hope they wouldn’t actually do. Sure, I bet they’re different when you really talk to them, but the level of emotional effort they expect from others feels crushing and guilt-inducing. That alone makes me feel trapped. I’m scared I’ll test the waters just out of habit—and get stuck.

Honestly? Now I understand why no one wanted to date me before.

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