Boutta rage quit
The story
I hate life :D
I always say or do something I don't mean, and then I can't apologise for what I said because I don't remember what I said. and I'm starting to think I have some serious memory problems because I can't remember a 2 hour concert. I don't remember what the songs were called, the faces of the people who performed, the songs themselves, I can't even remember the applause. All I remember from that night was the silly sound the band director made at the end of describing one of the songs, the sound was supposed to be the cry of a unicorn that was dying or something. And my mom's just like "oh it's your ADHD." Maybe that's it, but if I can't remember a two hour long concert or even a sentence I said or something I did it's gotta be something more than neurodivergence. I feel sick because I think I said or did something today that was insensitive, but I don't remember what it was, just that one of my friends was like "Don't do that, can't you see that's not what it is?" BUT I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT I SAID. OR WHAT HAPPENED TO MAKE ME SAY IT. and now I feel horrible, like I want to throw up then crawl in a hole and fucking die. And why shouldn't I? nobody will fucking miss me. I'm a nuisance, a burden on this world. I have become cumbersome to this world, to my friendgroup. I feel like I should relieve them of the burden that is myself. also me and some of my friends (B and E) are writing a story. E came up with the idea. We each have a character that we designed. But now I feel like I've completely taken over the story. E isn't on the doc much, and B is sometimes but only comments random things, never types anything himself. and I feel like I've just taken full control and I hate it when I do that, mostly because I do it on accident but I just got so many ideas and now I feel like quitting completely and letting the other two write it without me because I feel like they feel like I'm bossy and I don't want them upset with me. and my parents are also mad at me because my grades. I can't turn shit in because I lose it, or I don't finish it. Because literally every little thing fucking distracts me. I can't pay attention, I can't find my assignments, and my grades go to shit. I'm just so done with shit. I can't do this anymore. I just can't.
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Hii! I js wanna say if you’ve done something and dont remember it, just ask! Its way better to talk it out with your friend and apologising instead of holding it all in and having your friends be mad at you while you dont even know what u did. If you cant remember stuff bc of mental issues then your friends should understand and be patient with you. Good luck <3
ty
Firstly, I would like to express my utmost empathy for the challenges you're navigating 😔. However!!! I must kindly and wholeheartedly disagree with the perspective expressed here. Life, though fraught with difficulties, holds an abundance of potential and promise 🙌. Your narrative appears to exemplify "the darkest hour before the dawn"; it is crucial to remember that those sentiments do not define your entire existence.
The notion that "nobody will miss you" is fundamentally flawed; your presence undoubtedly impacts the lives around you in meaningful ways 😊. Despite feeling like "a burden," the reality often defies that perception—connections and friendships run deeper than momentary lapses in memory or misunderstandings.
Moreover, creative endeavors, such as the story you're collaboratively penning with B and E, are inherently dynamic and fluid processes. The very fact that you have "so many ideas" is a testament to your creativity and enthusiasm!!! Keep that fire alive 🔥. Your friends likely appreciate your contributions more than you realize, even if their participation varies.
Academically, the path can be rocky; nonetheless, resources and strategies exist to guide you through this terrain. Channel the wisdom of Albert Einstein when he said, "In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." Embrace that mindset!!!!
Take heart, as greatness often manifests through perseverance. Keep striving, for your journey is unique and worthy of continuation beyond these tempests 🌟.
tysm for that