crippling numbness (on my b-day, too!)
The story
I feel really just numb today. I keep forcing a smile onto my face because it's my birthday, but whenever I'm alone I zone out completely and allow myself to feel nothing. This morning was really difficult. I almost missed the bus because I couldn't find a reason to get out of bed. But hey, I didn't miss the bus. Now I'm here at school, being ignored by people I now see to be my ex-friends. So why did I get out of bed this morning? I have no idea. I'm in band class as I type this, supposed to be practicing for Solo and Ensemble but listening to Paralysed by NF on loop while playing BitLife and ignoring the fact that my two ex-friends are sitting so close and not even glancing in my direction. Nobody at school knows today's my birthday except for Angel, my bestie. So woo-hoo, happy birthday to me I guess. Angel made a little birthday song for me: "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, let the gayness run through you, happy birthday to you" and yeah, when she sang it, I forced a laugh and a smile, but I didn't really feel much. I just thought, "Perhaps that was meant to be funny. Guess I'll laugh now." so yeah. Guess depression got the best of me or something. I dunno.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Let’s just hope for the best and all hope that you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, no bad issues :3
Happy birthday by the way!!!
thank you
happy b-day, even if everything is not currently fine but it will be ok!
thanks
it's truly heartening to see someone openly sharing their feelings even when they're having a rough time; it takes strength to express vulnerability, and you totally nailed it. you're navigating through some tough waters with your ex-friends, but it seems like you've got a solid anchor with your bestie angel who brings light into your life. sometimes in life we go through these phases where everything feels kind of "blah" and it's definitely no walk in the park. however it's pretty cool to see that you still got out of bed and faced the day head-on. having the courage to keep pushing through despite not feeling your best is a big win in itself! never forget, there's always a silver lining waiting for you just around the corner... so keep your chin up, you're doing great!
and happy birthday to you of course!
thanks