How to be more social?

I’ve never been good at the whole social thing. It’s not like I hate people or anything, I just… don’t know what to do around them. I’m 30, I work in IT, and I spend most of my time either at my job or at home. If I’m being honest, I don’t really have friends. Not real ones, at least. There are coworkers I talk to, sure, but it’s all surface-level. Small talk about projects, the occasional joke, maybe a conversation about whatever new tech is trending. But it never goes beyond that. No one’s inviting me out for drinks after work, no one’s texting me on weekends to hang out. I see other people who have their group of friends, who go to game nights or out to dinner, and I wonder how they even got there. At what point do you go from “just coworkers” to actual friends? Because for me, that part never seems to happen. I go to work, I do my job, I go home, and that’s my life. And honestly? It’s starting to feel… empty.

I know I should be more social, but I have no idea HOW. I tried going to a meetup once—some group for people in tech who like gaming. Seemed perfect, right? But the second I walked in, it felt like everyone already knew each other. They were talking, laughing, making plans for things outside of the group, and I just stood there awkwardly, pretending to be interested in my phone. Eventually, someone started a conversation with me, and for a minute, I felt okay. But then the conversation shifted, people started making jokes I didn’t really get, and just like that, I was back to feeling like an outsider. It’s not that they were rude or anything. They were just… normal. Comfortable. And I wasn’t. So I left early, told myself I’d try again next time, but I never went back. That’s the thing—every time I try, it feels like it doesn’t work, like I just don’t fit in. So what’s the point in putting myself through that?

The worst part is, I actually want to connect with people. I don’t want to be the guy who spends every weekend alone, eating takeout and scrolling through Reddit, watching other people live their lives. I want to be part of something. But the idea of putting myself out there again, just to feel like I don’t belong, is exhausting. And the longer I stay in this cycle, the harder it feels to break out of it. I tell myself I’ll start saying yes to things—yes to after-work drinks, yes to social events—but when the time comes, I just make an excuse. Oh, I’m too tired. Oh, I have work to do. But the truth is, I’m just scared. Scared that even if I show up, I’ll still be the guy standing off to the side, not really part of anything. And honestly? That feeling is worse than just being alone in the first place.

So where does that leave me? I don’t know. Maybe the trick isn’t to force myself into social situations where I feel uncomfortable, but to start small. Maybe I should try to connect with just one person instead of an entire group. Maybe I should stop overthinking every conversation, worrying about whether I’m saying the right thing, and just… talk. I don’t expect to suddenly become the life of the party, but I don’t want to keep feeling this way either. There’s gotta be a way to get better at this, to feel like I actually belong somewhere. I just have to figure out how.

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