Am I gay???
The story
I’ve been asking myself this question a lot lately, but every time the words am I gay cross my mind, I push them away, like if I don’t think about it, it’ll just go away. Except it doesn’t. I’m 32 years old, and I feel like I should have figured this out by now. But here I am, sitting in my apartment after another long day at work, replaying every moment in my life that’s ever made me question myself. I mean, I’ve always liked women—or at least, I thought I did. I’ve had girlfriends, I’ve been in love, and I’ve genuinely been attracted to women. But then why does this other side of me exist? The side that wonders why I sometimes feel something different when I look at a guy. The side that gets this weird flutter in my stomac when a certain type of guy walks by or when I watch a movie and find myself paying way too much attention to the male lead instead of the actress everyone else is drooling over. I tell myself it’s nothing, just admiration, but at some point, admiration starts feeling a lot like attraction.
It’s not like I’ve never questioned it before. There were moments, little things throughout my life that should’ve made me stop and think. Like that time in college when my friend put his arm around me, and it sent this unexpected rush through me. Or the way I felt weirdly nervous around a certain guy I worked with a few years ago, even though I told myself I just thought he was cool. But I never let myself go further than that. I never really explored it because I didn’t need to, right? I was dating women, and I liked them, so that meant I was straight. Case closed. Except, now, after years of ignoring it, it’s like my brain won’t let it go anymore. It’s not just a passing thought that I can laugh off or push aside—it’s sticking with me, making me wonder if I’ve been lying to myself this whole time. What if I never questioned it before because I never gave myself the space to? Wat if I’ve been so caught up in doing what’s expected, in playing the part, that I never stopped to ask myself what I actually want?
The scary part is, I don’t even know where to go from here. How do you figure this out when you’ve already built a life on the assumption that you’re straight? Do I just start dating guys? Do I tell someone? And if I do, what if I’m wrong? What if this is just some passing phase or overthinking spiral, and I make a huge deal out of something that doesn’t even need to be a deal at all? I wish there was some test, some clear-cut answer that would just tell me, yes, you are gay or no, you’re just overanalyzing everything. But there’s not. And that’s what makes this so confusing. Maybe I’m bi, maybe I’m just figuring myself out late, or maybe I’m reading into things too much. All I know is, I can’t keep pushing it away. I don’t want to look back 10 years from now and wonder what would’ve happened if I’d been brave enough to actually face this. Maybe the real question isn’t am I gay, but what happens if I let myself find out?
Have you ever questioned your sexuality like this?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Hey there!!!
I really felt your words; they're super relatable and genuine. 🏳️🌈 You're totally on the right track by just thinkin' and not ignoring it anymore. It's wild how much our minds can suppress, huh? Embracing your journey at 32 can be daunting, but it's also exciting!!! Trust your instincts. There's no rush, explore at your pace. Who's to say what's right or wrong for ya except yourself??? You could try being open with others, if you feel comfy—that might ease the mind a bit. Peace and clarity often come with openness!!!
Wishing you tons of courage and self-discovery, dude!!! 😊👊
hi there i kinda see what you're sayin but maybe you're overthinkin 🤔 like it seems you already know you're into women and that's cool 😅 nothin' wrong with havin' a few curious thoughts everyone does sometimes stuff happens in life that makes us question things doesn't mean anything major! maybe try focusin' on what makes you happy instead of figurin' it all out?? just take it easy and see where you naturally feel comfortable! you got this 👍
wow! so you're just figuring this out now??? 🙃
honestly, I totally get what you're sayin'... been there myself 😕 life's a real puzzle sometimes, huh.... feels like you're just stuck in this endless loop trying to figure it all out... kinda frustrating when your brain just won't give ya a break... i remember tossin' and turnin' at night, questioning everythin'... it's like you're in the middle of a storm, and you can't see where to go next... ain't easy but ya gotta keep pushing through... trust that eventually, clarity comes through all the noise... you're defo not alone in this...
hey, totally hear ya, and honestly, you're just in the middle of a "self-assessment" phase; it happens to a lot of us... the mind's like an algorithm, sorting through tons of data before reaching a conclusion... "what you seek is seeking you," so maybe lean into it a bit more and see where it goes;... pushing it away ain't gonna sort it all out, man... think of it like a beta test for your life, exploring different paths to see what aligns best... easy to feel caught up in it all, but remember, it's all part of the process, dude... eventually, you'll code a life that fits you perfectly!!
hey there!!! 😊 totally get what you're sayin'... it's huge to confront these feelings, and you're doin' the right thing by takin' the time to explore... it's never too late to understand yourself better!!! life can be a wild ride, but embracing who you are is so worth it... don't stress too much figuring out everything at once... just take it step by step and see where your journey leads!!! everyone's path is unique, and you'll find your way for sure... keep being brave and open; awesome things are ahead 👏👏!!!
hey, kinda see your point, but feels like you're overthinking it... "don't cross the bridge until you come to it"... questioning everything can mess with your head... not every feelin' needs decoding, ya know;;; life ain't always about analyzing every single thought... sometimes it's just noise... might be best to just let things be for a while... no need to jump to conclusions! things usually work themselves out...
just some food for thought... :-)
it seems like you're making it harder than it needs to be 🤔
honestly, your introspection resonates entirely. the phrase "ignorance is bliss" doesn't apply here. life's complexities aren't solved by adherence to outdated binaries. questioning your identity isn't some trivial matter, but it seems you've been avoiding critical self-discovery. your doubts are valid; it's perplexing. stop letting societal norms dictate your personal algorithm. remember, "to thine own self be true." however, risk of indecision looms, so don't stagnate. proceed methodically, but progress you must. it's essential to confront this ambiguity head-on.
Nah highly not. It’s very wrong. And more of a trend and brainwashing that has been going on. Date who you’ve always dated - you just have to find the right one.
hey, gotta say, you're overthinking this a bit too much if you ask me; life ain't always about second-guessing every feeling “sometimes a cigar is just a cigar” ya know what i mean it seems like you're making it harder than it needs to be no need for all this stress feelings can be random and don't always mean a big change don't worry too much just be chill and go with the flow 🙂 things have a way of working themselves out when you stop pushing so hard just saying
Definitely sounds like BI! All I can suggest is trying things out slowly at first. You don't have to announce it to the world or others if you don't want to. If you find a guy you have feelings for, definitely try for a date. Just make sure you let the other know of boundaries first! You got this ;]