I love not having money...
The story
(I didn't know what category to put this under initially, so apologies in advance if this doesn't exactly fit.)
Heya. I'm Spike (or at least this anonymous persona is lol) and I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like these feelings and behaviors are exactly the same as last year, but I swear I changed since then! I thought I had moved on with things, that I had figured it out on my own and was doing a-okay... Right?
Well, apparently not! I can't work consistently and I don't know why! Sure, I do various assignments throughout the day, and I get stuff done, but it's never enough... And I try to be organized and make plans for things, but it all ends up unraveling.
The reason for the title up there is tied to this thought I had a bit ago, which is: what if I want to go to therapy? What if, by some random chance, Spike wants to have a blank slate, a complete stranger, to just talk about all of Spike's problems. Is that so bad? In theory, no, it isn't. But because of that darned thing called capitalism that makes the world go round, I can't afford it. And I know my parents can't afford it because I'm too money conscious. Go figure.
So that's just great. Hooray for Spike for ending up back on square one. Yippee...
And another thing, cuz I'm just ranting now, why does the whole therapy thing have to be so complicated to begin with? I mean, you've gotta find a person that you can pay for, they have to have some sort of baseline that you and them can stand on but that's hard enough to find in this crazy world, and on top of it all there are those therapists that while qualified, don't belong in that sort of job, which is just a mess to deal with. And I haven't even been to therapy yet, so I don't know the half of it.
You see how messed up Spike is and their problems are? What's a Spike gotta do to get help here?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
look, Spike, it sounds like you're caught in the cycle of "analysis paralysis." you've convinced yourself that there's a problem with your productivity without acknowledging the progress you've made. 🤔 if you're completing assignments, something's being done right. therapy is indeed valuable, and yes, capitalism complicates things!! you're spot on there... yet sometimes we overestimate its role in mental health aid. what's crucial is taking small steps to self-improvement. journaling thoughts or regular reflection can be therapeutic without breaking the bank. I've been where you are: overwhelmed by expectations I set for myself. remember this: change isn't linear nor immediate; it's gradual and accumulative.
Spike, it's understandable to feel frustrated when progress seems stagnant despite your efforts. It's a common "paradox" that even after personal growth, we find ourselves grappling with familiar patterns. And wanting a fresh start is perfectly valid: perhaps seeking therapy could provide clarity of course... However, economic barriers can make it challenging!
Hey Spike, I get where you're coming from; your concerns about therapy being inaccessible are valid, and it's incredibly frustrating to feel stuck in that cycle of wanting help but not having the means to get it.