life is meaningless

I’m 32 and I still don’t know what I’m doing here. Like actually here, alive, breathing, pretending to function in a world that feels like it was never made for me. I’ve never had a girlfriend, not even close. Girls never looked at me like that. I used to think maybe I just hadn’t met the right one, or I needed to be more confident, but that’s all lies people tell you to keep you hoping. The truth is, I’m invisible. Always have been. I don’t have that charm, that spark, whatever it is that makes someone want to know you. I see people my age married, having kids, posting pics of their anniversaries and vacations. Meanwhile I can’t even get someone to text me back. And yeah, I’ve tried. Dating apps, friends of friends, even asked out a coworker once (huge mistake, btw). Rejection feels like a daily part of my routine. It’s not even painful anymore. It’s just expected. And the longer I go without ever being loved like that, the more I start to think maybe I never will. Maybe some people just... don’t get that chapter in life.

And work? Same crap. I’ve had like 7 different jobs in the past 5 years. I try hard at first, I really do. I show up on time, follow the rules, try to be friendly. But something always goes wrong. I either mess something up or I don’t “fit the culture” or they say I’m too quiet, not a team player. It’s always somethin. I get let go, or I quit before they push me out. Then I’m back to sending resumes, begging for interviews, feeling like trash every time I get another “we went with another candidate” email. I feel useless. Like I can’t even do the bare minimum that everyone else seems to manage. And without a stable job, everything else falls apart. I can’t afford my own place, I live in a tiny room at my cousin’s house, I barely make it from month to month. I see people buying houses, going on trips, building lives… and I’m here counting coins for gas money. It’s humiliating. And I don’t even talk about it with anyone anymore, cause what’s the point? People don’t get it unless they’re living it.

Lately I’ve just been numb. Wake up, scroll a bit, maybe eat if I have food, stare at the wall, apply for a job or two, sleep. Repeat. I don’t have hobbies. I don’t have goals. I don’t even have people to hang out with. My phone’s dry. My heart feels dry too. Every time I start to think about the future, it just looks like more of the same. More rejection. More failure. More silence. I used to have dreams. I wanted to be a designer, or maybe a teacher. Something where I mattered. But now? I just want the days to stop dragging so damn slow. I’m not saying I wanna die, not exactly. I just don’t see the point in living like this. Alone, broke, unwanted, and tired. So tired. Everyone says “it gets better” but for me, it just never did. Maybe that’s just how it is for some of us. We don’t get the love story. We don’t get the career. We don’t get the happiness. We just exist. Quietly. Until we don’t anymore. And no one really notices. Because for people like me… life is meaningless.

Stories in the same category