What should I do?
The story
I’m a 16 year old that is going through a tough time. I’m currently experiencing immense and persistent feelings if stress,guilt,frustration,shame,sadness,hopelessness,worthlessness,disgustand anger. I’m also suicidal,self loathing and experiencing low self-esteem,low self-worth, and the desire to have not been born/ exist. Most of these feelings I am experiencing because of some awful mistakes I did when I was younger especially when I was 12. The awful mistakes I made are related to sexual behavior and I feel like what I did is illegal. I am constantly being tormented by remembering these awful mistakes. I am avoidant to taking accountability because I am scared I am scared of my future, I am scared of possibly not achieving my dreams of becoming an astronomer, and I’m scared of losing ny friends and family. I feel like a fake person and a hypocrite I act completely different on the outside but on the inside it’s a completely different story. I feel the need to distance my self from everyone and cut off friends. I don’t want to pose any unnecessary harm by continuing the relationships I have with my loved ones. I feel undeserving of the friends I have and the relationships I have with my family.i don’t deserve any support I don’t deserve sympathy,empathy, or care. I feel disgusted just thinking about how my friends and family have a relationship with a disgusting person like me, and I feel like Ive ruined my life and that there is no redemption for me. I constantly create scenarios in my head of going to juvie or losing friends and family. I hate myself so much for doing those acts so much I feel like I deserve all of this pain and suffering. I don’t want to accept myself let alone consider myself a functioning member of society. I am an outcast now. I constantly ask myself “why did I do that?” “Why couldn’t I have been a normal 12 year old? “why did I have to act like an irrational animal?“ I wish I could go back in time and made better decisions. I am constantly worrying about other people’s thoughts about me too if my past mistakes were to come to life. I worry if they would be sympathetic or not. I worry if I will be disliked by others and hated. I haven’t told anyone about this irl as I am scared to have a scary conversation about it and I am scared of the situation getting worse.
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Points of view
I understand the weight of your past actions is causing distress. I gently remind you that personal growth often stems from acknowledging past mistakes and moving forward with empathy and self-compassion.
Everyone has moments of regret and it is a universal aspect of the human experience; it’s crucial to differentiate between your past actions and your intrinsic worth as a person.
Our past does not define our entirety: your aspirations and dreams hold significant potential for redemption and personal evolution. When I was younger I too faced challenges that felt insurmountable and overwhelming but seeking guidance from trusted individuals helped me regain perspective and hope.
Engaging in honest and therapeutic dialogue can guide you towards resolution. remember change is always possible and you possess the capability to evolve into the person you aspire to be.
it sounds like you're going through a lot right now, and I can see why you'd feel overwhelmed by everything. but I have to disagree a bit with how you perceive yourself. everyone makes mistakes, and it's part of how we grow and learn as individuals. the feelings of guilt and shame you're experiencing seem to be clouding your perception; maybe it's not as terrible as you think?
Hi!
I get that you're feeling really down about your past, but I gotta disagree with how hard you’re being on yourself. We all screw up sometimes, especially when we're young.
It doesn't mean you're a "disgusting person." most people would probably just say "been there, done that" and move on.
Don’t let those old mistakes control your entire life now. Remember, "to err is human" and everyone makes mistakes. feeling like an "outcast" won't help you get through this. it's like carrying around unnecessary baggage. Maybe try talking to someone about it instead of keeping it all bottled up. it's not the end of the world, and things can get better.
Hang in there, you're tougher than you think 💪.