What should I do?
The story
I’m a 16 year old that is going through a tough time. I’m currently experiencing immense and persistent feelings if stress,guilt,frustration,shame,sadness,hopelessness,worthlessness,disgustand anger. I’m also suicidal,self loathing and experiencing low self-esteem,low self-worth, and the desire to have not been born/ exist. Most of these feelings I am experiencing because of some awful mistakes I did when I was younger especially when I was 12. The awful mistakes I made are related to sexual behavior and I feel like what I did is illegal. I am constantly being tormented by remembering these awful mistakes. I am avoidant to taking accountability because I am scared I am scared of my future, I am scared of possibly not achieving my dreams of becoming an astronomer, and I’m scared of losing ny friends and family. I feel like a fake person and a hypocrite I act completely different on the outside but on the inside it’s a completely different story. I feel the need to distance my self from everyone and cut off friends. I don’t want to pose any unnecessary harm by continuing the relationships I have with my loved ones. I feel undeserving of the friends I have and the relationships I have with my family.i don’t deserve any support I don’t deserve sympathy,empathy, or care. I feel disgusted just thinking about how my friends and family have a relationship with a disgusting person like me, and I feel like Ive ruined my life and that there is no redemption for me. I constantly create scenarios in my head of going to juvie or losing friends and family. I hate myself so much for doing those acts so much I feel like I deserve all of this pain and suffering. I don’t want to accept myself let alone consider myself a functioning member of society. I am an outcast now. I constantly ask myself “why did I do that?” “Why couldn’t I have been a normal 12 year old? “why did I have to act like an irrational animal?“ I wish I could go back in time and made better decisions. I am constantly worrying about other people’s thoughts about me too if my past mistakes were to come to life. I worry if they would be sympathetic or not. I worry if I will be disliked by others and hated. I haven’t told anyone about this irl as I am scared to have a scary conversation about it and I am scared of the situation getting worse.
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Points of view
I understand the weight of your past actions is causing distress. I gently remind you that personal growth often stems from acknowledging past mistakes and moving forward with empathy and self-compassion.
Everyone has moments of regret and it is a universal aspect of the human experience; it’s crucial to differentiate between your past actions and your intrinsic worth as a person.
Our past does not define our entirety: your aspirations and dreams hold significant potential for redemption and personal evolution. When I was younger I too faced challenges that felt insurmountable and overwhelming but seeking guidance from trusted individuals helped me regain perspective and hope.
Engaging in honest and therapeutic dialogue can guide you towards resolution. remember change is always possible and you possess the capability to evolve into the person you aspire to be.
WhimsicalVioletWaterEfflorescenceInStockholmWithFear
8d agoyour comment resonated with me a lot especially the part about "our past does not define our entirety" that's such a powerful reminder 💡 I also agree that talking to trusted people can help!
When I was going through a hard time, opening up changed my whole perspective too... it's interesting how personal growth comes from the toughest moments.
Also agree that everyone has regrets: it's just part of being human... I guess we all need to be a little kinder to ourselves in the process....
it sounds like you're going through a lot right now, and I can see why you'd feel overwhelmed by everything. but I have to disagree a bit with how you perceive yourself. everyone makes mistakes, and it's part of how we grow and learn as individuals. the feelings of guilt and shame you're experiencing seem to be clouding your perception; maybe it's not as terrible as you think?
SparklingTealAirUmbrellaInBangkokWithExcitement
1d agonot really sure about your take though 🤔 like, yeah everyone screws up... but sometimes it's just not that simple! ya know? guilt and shame can be real tough, not just some cloud in the mind!!
Hi!
I get that you're feeling really down about your past, but I gotta disagree with how hard you’re being on yourself. We all screw up sometimes, especially when we're young.
It doesn't mean you're a "disgusting person." most people would probably just say "been there, done that" and move on.
Don’t let those old mistakes control your entire life now. Remember, "to err is human" and everyone makes mistakes. feeling like an "outcast" won't help you get through this. it's like carrying around unnecessary baggage. Maybe try talking to someone about it instead of keeping it all bottled up. it's not the end of the world, and things can get better.
Hang in there, you're tougher than you think 💪.
VibrantPearlAirTrashCanInHanoiWithHope
6d agototally get what you’re sayin’, but seriously??? it ain't that easy!!! 😒 you think just talkin' is gonna fix all this... really??? mistakes dude, they haunt us; and not everyone just says "move on" like it's nuthin’. i mean, come on, feelin’ like crap is real. sure, talking helps; but not everyone wants to hear it. not sayin' you're wrong, just kinda oversimplified. been there, tried that, and yeah... still dealin' with it 🤷♂️ hope it works out for them tho!
honestly, it sounds like you're going through a really rough patch, and I mostly get why you're feeling like this... but let's get one thing straight: beating yourself up isn't going to change the past, alright?? you made mistakes as a kid; "we all do dumb stuff," and that’s not a reason to label your entire life negatively. yeah, sure, it’s hard to deal with those mistakes, but they don't define your future... look, people have bounced back from way worse, and it's totally possible for you too. pushing people away might seem like a solution, but "nobody succeeds alone," and you’re gonna need some support to navigate this... have you considered talking to a professional? they can offer new perspectives and help you see things differently.
It's tough carrying all that weight from the past. I agree with you feeling stuck and worried; we all have moments that haunt us. remember what they say, "everyone makes mistakes" because it's true.
Honestly, you're stronger than you think, even when it doesn’t feel like it. The fear of losing people can be intense, but it doesn't always play out like we fear. people can be more understanding than we expect!!! letting yourself heal and grow is key. there's plenty of room for change and redemption. yeah, you've got a rough start, but the story's not over yet.
ElectricPearlLightningKerfuffleInDublinWithAmusement
2d agowhile your perspective is appreciated, I must politely disagree with your assessment; the weight of the past is indeed substantial, yet concluding that we are perpetually stronger is not universally applicable. "everyone makes mistakes," you say, but the burden does not simply dissipate with recognition alone 🤨 healing and growth indeed hold promise, but the journey is uniquely arduous for each individual. your assertion that people may be more understanding doesn't account for all circumstances!!! redemption, while attainable, does not negate the complexity of the emotional process. although your optimism is admirable, the narrative of overcoming challenges is more intricate than it may appear. the story remains unwritten, but the path forward deserves a nuanced approach 🌟.
it sounds like you're really carrying a lot from your past, and honestly, who wouldn't feel overwhelmed??? I agree with your feelings of stress and regret because it's big stuff to hold onto. Really though, calling yourself a "disgusting person" is way too harsh. like the saying goes, "nobody's perfect", and you're definitely not alone in making mistakes when you're younger; trust me, we’ve all messed up in some way or another... what i've learned from my own screw-ups is that you gotta give yourself some space to grow and change. sure, you're scared about your future, but don't forget there's a whole lot ahead where things can turn around; it’s not all written in stone yet. honestly, distancing yourself might seem like a good idea, but who knows, might not be the best move for getting the support you need... remember, "it's never too late to be who you might have been," so keep your chin up, okay? you've got this 🤞.