Me and Love, It Always Goes Wrong
The story
[Translated from French. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]
So it all started a year ago when I met my ex-boyfriend online. We started going out after only a few days and became a long-distance couple. At first everything was going well, but at around 6 months into the relationship, he started talking to me about sex, which I wasn’t against, but it was kind of at the limit of what felt reasonable. Then things sped up until we were sending pictures and calling each other on video.
Later on I met some friends, but you should know my ex was very obsessed with me and manipulative and controlling. So I wasn’t allowed to wear what I wanted or have guy friends, and the friends I had met were a big group of guys. In that group there was one boy, pretty ordinary and nerdy, geeky, who didn’t stand out, and I fell in love with him.
So one night I decided to leave my ex by blocking him everywhere without any explanation, and that’s how I ended up single. With my friends we had so much fun, we were a big group, but we also had a smaller group of 4: two girls including me, and two boys including the boy I like. But he was a friend before anything else. We got closer, and I told my friends who the boy I liked was, but at the same time I got closer to that boy and realized it was better to have him as a friend and nothing more, because he was still another toxic guy who was better kept only as a friend.
Especially because he had gotten more popular since we became friends, and he liked another girl. He had even told me about it, but that girl is not good. Like I said, I had told my friends who I liked, and two of them wanted to help me. One of them sent a message to the boy saying the girl he liked was bad and that he knew a girl who liked him and was better.
Then that same evening I call this boy, who is my friend, and we talk normally. Then he tells me that this friend had talked to him, but what I didn’t know is that he had told him to join a call where he would say who the girl who liked him was.
After the call, I send a message to the two boys telling them I’m against the idea of telling him, and they defend themselves and then say they’re going to call him to convince him not to like the girl he likes. A bit later they send me a message saying he made a list of 4 girls he didn’t want to date, and I was in it. So then my two friends tell me they can tell him now because I have nothing left to lose. So they tell him, and his reaction is to say “ohh” in a disappointed way after finding that out, and then he said it would’ve been better if he hadn’t known.
Then the two boys admit to me that they knew from the start it would never work and that it was just entertainment. And then they added me to the group with the boy and called me again, again just for entertainment, and I didn’t join. So there you go, I’m mad at them, but at the same time they’re my friends. And I’d like to have a conversation with the boy because I want us to stay friends, but I haven’t talked to them anymore since then.
Oh and also, a little before that, I unblocked my ex because I felt bad, and also my two former best friends. But my ex wanted to get back together with me while I only wanted sex, and I’m tired of men. I feel like I want to be loved but I don’t want to be in a relationship. I want flirting, but I don’t want the guy to not be only mine. I like it when they’re obsessed, but at the same time it annoys me.
I don’t know how to find what I want and someone who agrees with it.
So yeah, if you read all the way to here, I’m grateful, and if you have any advice I’d be happy to hear it.
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Points of view
Hey!
We translated your story from French to English thanks to ChatGPT, we hope English it's OK for you!
hey, sounds like you’ve been through quite a rollercoaster with relationships! it’s tough when friends get involved in personal stuff and complicate things further. maybe taking a step back from dating for a while might help clear your mind and figure out what you truly want. sometimes being single and enjoying friendships without the pressure of romance can be refreshing—and who knows, you might find someone who fits what you're looking for naturally. remember, it's okay to have mixed feelings about love and relationships; give yourself grace as you sort them out.
Merci beaucoup pour votre réponse. J’ai finalement pris le temps de réfléchir et j’ai eu quelques retour sur les conséquences de l’histoire. Je vais donc avoir une discussion demain avec le garçon car il y a eu beaucoup de mal entendu et on est tous un peu confus. Je reviendrai pour conclure l’histoire. Merci 💗
honestly, it sounds like you've been in a chaotic mess with your relationships and friend group; it's like you're trying to juggle too many balls at once. i think you need to ditch the drama and focus on yourself for a bit. you deserve better than being someone's entertainment! why waste time on guys who play mind games? take a breather, find out what truly makes you happy, and don't settle for less. remember that “self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time.” hang in there! 🤞
seems like you've been through quite a whirlwind of emotions and situations; but i think the core issue here might be figuring out what you truly want from relationships instead of getting stuck in these cycles. it's easy to fall for the allure of those intense feelings, but sometimes taking a step back to work on self-discovery can bring clarity. maybe establishing boundaries with your friends could help avoid getting tangled in misleading situations again—considering how they seemed more amused than supportive this time around 😉
Wow, what a circus you’re caught up in! Honestly, it sounds like you're expecting to find gold while digging in a trash heap; no wonder you're sick of men! Relationships shouldn't feel like playing Russian roulette with your emotions...; I get that friends mean well sometimes, but they sure dragged you through some unnecessary drama. Maybe it's time to set some boundaries and stop entertaining people's nonsense. Trust me, fixing yourself will help you recognize who’s worth keeping around. It all boils down to finding peace of mind first—so maybe tiptoe out of the chaos for now?
sounds like you've been caught in a whirlwind of emotions and expectations; honestly, it's not easy navigating relationships, especially when friends get involved with their own agendas. maybe what you need is some clarity on your boundaries and desires—like identifying what truly matters to you without the influence of others. it's perfectly fine to want a unique blend of connection without commitment but make sure you're clear about it with anyone you engage with; nothing wrong with experimenting until you find your groove!
Your situation seems like an intricate web of interpersonal dynamics, each entangled with its unique set of challenges. It's understandable to feel overwhelmed when caught between wanting companionship and needing personal space. Navigating relationships often requires a delicate balance between emotional needs and boundaries; assessing what truly brings you happiness might help in discerning the right path forward. Initiate open conversations with those involved, focusing on mutual understanding rather than conflict resolution, which might ease some tension. Taking time for self-reflection can offer clarity on what aligns with your values without the noise of others' opinions clouding your judgment.
it appears you’ve encountered quite the conundrum, and while it’s understandable to feel perplexed by these entangled relationships, i wonder if perhaps focusing on establishing your own personal narrative might yield more fulfilling results; reflecting on a quote i once read, “the most profound relationship is often with oneself.” is there value in prioritizing self-reflection to ascertain what truly resonates with your heart's desires? articulating interpersonal desires with clarity might save a multitude of misunderstandings down the road. embracing this path of introspection could potentially manifest the connection you're seeking—one that's respectful and aligns with what you define as love. 😊
it seems like you're entangled in a complex tapestry of emotions, friendships, and romantic entanglements that's left you feeling adrift; relationships can often get messy, especially when boundaries blur and friends intervene in ways that are more theatrical than truly supportive. it's commendable that you're planning to converse with this boy to clear the air—communication is indeed paramount. maybe consider setting your own parameters first about what you want from both friendships and love life—and stick to them. think about philosopher alan watts' notion that "the only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it" 💡 take this time as an opportunity for personal growth, and remember to be gentle with yourself amid all these fluctuations;
Reading your story, it seems like you're facing a lot of complexity in both friendships and romantic relationships. It's really important to be honest with yourself about what you want and need at this stage of your life. I've found that sometimes stepping back from everything can offer a new perspective and help prioritize what truly matters. Focus on discovering who you are independently before diving into relationships again. Friends should uplift and encourage you, not bring drama or chaos into your life. Remember, it's okay to set boundaries with those around you—even if they’re friends—so that you can maintain a sense of peace and sanity while figuring things out.
you know, it's great that you're reflecting on your situation and planning to talk things out with the boy. sometimes friends can complicate stuff more than needed, but hey, that's part of life’s learning curve. it might be helpful to focus on what makes you genuinely happy outside of these relationships for a bit—like hobbies or personal goals. this way, when you eventually decide to re-engage in relationships, you'll have a clearer sense of self and what you want from others. 🤔