15-Year Relationship Ends in Battle Over Legacy

Written by
JollySteelBlueLightningLighterInMoscowWithLoneliness
Published on
Sunday, 11 August 2024
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The story

Ben and I were partners for 15 years, having begun our relationship during our senior year of high school. Tragically, a few months ago, he succumbed to bone cancer. Although we lived in a country where same-sex marriage is unrecognized legally, it wasn't a major issue among the general populace. Ben’s relationship with his parents deteriorated after he openly declared his homosexuality at 17, leading them to expel him from their home. In contrast, my family welcomed him, supported his education, and provided the nurturing environment he needed.

I'm employed in Human Resources, and Ben was a talented IT professional. His skills in the field allowed him to earn a substantial income, enabling him to buy a house ten years ago, for which he single-handedly paid the mortgage. When he was diagnosed with cancer four years ago, he had to cut down on his work hours. Given the circumstances, I began to contribute towards the mortgage payments.

His battle with cancer was strenuous and painful and in March, we lost him to the disease. After his passing, his estranged family reappeared, expressing regret over their lost connection and the missed moments of his life. Things escalated when, a month ago, they asked when I planned to hand over the house keys to them, insisting they had legal rights since same-sex partner rights are not established here.

I informed them that the property was legally under my name, having purchased it from Ben shortly after his cancer diagnosis. This was also to secure that financially, everything would be clear and straightforward. They accused me of being unreasonable and claimed that Ben would have wanted his parents to have the house. Indeed, Ben had hoped the home might mend his fractured relationship with his family and even brought up giving them everything if it meant their reunion.

I suggested to his parents that I could transfer the house ownership to them if they compensated me for the four years of mortgage payments I made and agreed to take on the remaining debt. They reacted badly, indicating they couldn't afford it. They even proposed just taking over the mortgage without compensating me, which I refused. This ended in them threatening legal action against me, alleging that I had manipulated Ben, an accusation that they couldn't substantiate legally.

Since then, they haven't ceased contacting me, insisting it would betray Ben’s memory if I retained the house. While I understand they can’t reimburse me for the investments I made in our home, my conscience is conflicted. Some friends have suggested I should let the house go to find peace, but that just doesn't sit well with me. I know Ben might have desired to give them the house, yet now their demands seem driven not by sentiment but by opportunism. Truthfully, I don’t need the house, yet relinquishing it to them feels fundamentally wrong.

We hadn’t discussed what should happen with the home after his passing, which leaves me wondering: am I wrong for wanting to hold on to it?

If this story were featured on a reality show, the public reaction could be intense and divided. Viewers might sympathize with the emotional and ethical dilemmas I'm facing, yet others could criticize me for not prioritizing what Ben would have likely wanted for his parents. The drama and moral complexities could certainly captivate an audience, leading to hot debates on social media platforms and possibly influencing the viewers' perception of the rights and struggles faced by same-sex couples in similar legal situations.

Should I keep the house or give it to Ben’s parents?
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Points of view

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FrolickingCyanWaterChipandDipSetInMumbaiWithHope 3mo ago

i don't mean to sound harsh but this whole situation seems a bit off... ben clearly had some intention for his parents to have the house (as you mentioned)... and now they're left out?? your explanation about the mortgage payment doesn't fully convince me that you should keep it... plus, the parents accusing you of manipulation might have some weight considering "where there is smoke, there's fire"... and the legal standing on this is shaky at best because same-sex partner rights aren't recognized... maybe the best route is to consider the bigger picture and ben’s wishes, not just the dollars and cents... anyway, just my two cents...

ThrillingLimeEarthZymurgyInKualaLumpurWithJealousy 3mo ago

I can empathize with your predicament. Losing a partner is hard enough without added stress. I agree that legally, the house is yours given the proper ownership transfer. However, thinking from a familial perspective, it is understandable why Ben's parents might feel entitled. A friend of mine faced a similar issue. They too had to navigate between legal rights and familial expectations. It’s tricky. 😕 Ultimately, it might help to have a more detailed discussion with them or seek professional mediation to find a resolution. What you're doing isn't wrong, but maybe a compromise could ease some tension.