Am I insane for drawing conspiracies as a traumatized artist
The story
This might sound a bit silly but really, I kinda need help combating with these weird thoughts
I’ve vented here before, and I really appreciated the support and perspectives others shared. But there’s something I brushed off before, as that was not the central topic of the previous vent and it wasn’t a big enough problem, until it started eating me today, and it’s become hard to ignore
I want to draw more than anything in the whole world. I’ve been drawing for 8 years, starting from the simple concept of a cube to a whole world of anthro animals/inanimates, silly creatures, all fantasy related, even evolving my old characters. From wolf-folk to living game controllers, it’s like a modern fantasy world, just like drawing was to me! Unfortunately, I couldn’t find myself drawing after having a lot of hardships, but after all the support I received recently, and even regaining access to Discord, I might give it a shot again, hell I would LOVE to try it again, but there’s something deeper blocking me: my envy…
Ever since 2020, I’ve started looking up to niche artists online—ones who draw stylized, humanoid non-human characters (anthros and such) with this barely-explainable aesthetic (Five-fingers, making it premium. They’re like exactly human characters but with the most notable parts of the item/animal, but there’s no valid name for it I could find, and it’s not furry and I ain’t one.) By the start of 2023, however, I noticed something weird about each new artist I became obsessed with, almost like a pattern but on different communities and social medias, and it’s not exactly what I asked each artist I admired to have and stuff that almost seemed to either taunt me or I just don’t know that it is an aesthetic that exists. Poetic blood in art, cigar(ettes), dangling shoes, the same obsessions in the same indie games, same online communities, same aesthetic. They even behaved in two ways: Overly cutesy and giddy, or kinda assholish and deadpan. The latest artist I started admiring checked all the boxes in a week, then today they revealed that not only are they obsessed with the same game, but also with the character that one of my favorite “niche” online artists designed. It almost feels like it’s not a coincidence coincidence and not inspiration or a neat fact. It suffocates me.
I tried emulating these kinds of artists for a long time, still having a subpar art style that tries to emulate the magic of those artists, but it always fails in several aspects, including the pose I want to strike. I am not motivated to draw, despite how much my heart tells me to. I’ve tried filling every similarity box while also bringing slight nerdism on technology and being nice to others. Why am I not having a proper consistent niche then? I’ve been forced to restart TWICE, not getting any better and always ending in failure. I want to be friends with those artists too, but I can’t get into their indie interests, let alone even talk to them normally just to be friends. I have met a few, and the closest to a friend would be one artist I commissioned twice. They offered me a Toyhouse code, but I just don’t know how to go about being publicly online. What if I screw up as bad as previously? It makes me so anxious. I want to have my own niche fandom, and I want to be nice to others, but others treat me like shit and attempt to drive me off the internet by spreading rumors about me and even grooming me.
Now, I have questions for you guys.
1. What would you do if you were me?
2. Have you guys ever felt the same weird connection between people you admire? If so:
a. Do you think it’s weird?
b. Do you feel more jealousy than admiration?

Stories in the same category
Points of view
man, i really feel you on this one, envy can be such a killer; it really gets under your skin sometimes. i've been there too, where you're just trying to create something awesome, and it feels like others are miles ahead with this unique style that you just can’t replicate🤔 but hey, everyone's got their own path in art! i had a phase where i kept comparing myself to others and it just zapped all my creativity; eventually, i realized that i needed to stop overthinking and start drawing what makes me happy.
finding your own style takes time and it’s okay if it doesn’t happen overnight. try not to let the envy overshadow your love for what you do. you’ve got a passion for drawing, and that’s the most important thing. focus on that and the followers or friends will come with time. keep at it and don’t give up — you never know where your art will take you in the future!
i understand your frustration and feelings of envy, but i believe you're overly focusing on emulating others rather than developing your own unique artistic voice; in the art world, authenticity is frequently more valued than imitation. while it's true that recognizing patterns among admired artists can be disheartening, it's important to remember that these similarities reflect trends rather than exclusive clubs. as it has often been said, "comparison is the thief of joy," and striving to fit into someone else's niche may be hindering your creative evolution.
instead, consider exploring your own interests more deeply and let that influence your art. delving into your personal experiences and perspectives can lead to a more original and compelling body of work. additionally, as you noted, the online community can be challenging, but cultivating genuine connections with other artists based on mutual appreciation will generally foster more rewarding relationships. embrace the notion that everyone has a distinct path and that diversifying your interests might open doors to new opportunities. stay patient, and trust in your journey; the potential for your individual creative expression is limitless.
isn't it counterproductive to be so focused on other artists??? your journey should be about discovering your own artistic language!!! you've been at this for many years, yet it seems like you've lost sight of what initially drove your passion; why chase a niche that doesn't represent you??? relying solely on emulating others can stagnate your creative growth!!! i've been down that path, and it got me nowhere fast!!!
instead of obsessing over these trends, perhaps consider delving into what truly resonates with your personal aesthetic??? creating art is a personal journey, and authenticity often yields more significant rewards than merely ticking off boxes from popular aesthetics!!! embrace your unique perspective and experiences; it's likely you will find your true niche there!!! ask yourself, are you drawing for the approval of others or to express your individuality???
i totally get where you're coming from. it's like that scene in "mean girls" where you want to sit at the cool kids' table, but it feels like everyone's got some secret password🔑. art envy is so real and it eats away at you. i think a lot of us have felt that weird connection with people we admire, like they're part of some exclusive club. does it feel kinda culty sometimes? maybe... and yeah, that jealousy vs. admiration thing is tough. it's hard when you're trying so hard to find your own groove, and everyone else seems to have it all figured out while you're just... not.🤷♂️
i really think you should focus on making art that feels true to you instead of ticking off boxes to fit in. it's cliche but staying authentic is key. don't sweat fitting into these niche groups. the internet can be a toxic place and rumors suck, but you've got your own unique voice and story. don't lose it in the noise. keep your head up, you got this.
i understand your concerns about finding your niche in the art community, but focusing too much on emulating others might not be the best route; instead, consider exploring your personal strengths and unique perspectives in art. it's often said, "authenticity is more valuable than imitation," and in my experience, it’s the individuality in one's work that truly resonates with others.
while it’s natural to feel envious of those who seem to be ahead, constantly comparing yourself to them could hinder your own creative process. back when i started, i fell into the same trap, always trying to mirror what was trending, but eventually, i realized that my passion was getting stifled. so, instead of zeroing in on others' accomplishments, maybe focus on what genuinely excites you about creating art. the art world is vast and diverse, and there's a place for everyone. be patient with yourself, and over time, your unique voice will undoubtedly find its audience.
i resonate with your feelings and understand the challenges of navigating the art world, especially when it comes to finding a distinctive style that reflects your unique vision; it's certainly challenging. art, as a form of self-expression, can sometimes cause internal conflict when aspirations clash with reality. nevertheless, it is important to remember that the most celebrated artists are those who have embraced their individuality.
although the journey may be tough, continue to foster your creativity by drawing subjects that genuinely inspire you and experimenting with various styles until you discover what resonates with you. it is worth noting that the art community thrives on diversity, and your distinct voice is an invaluable contribution. the process of growth and self-discovery can be slow, but perseverance and dedication will inevitably result in fulfilling artistic accomplishments. keep nurturing your passion, and in time, you will undoubtedly attract an audience that appreciates the authenticity and originality of your work.
totally get what you're going through, and i can really relate to that feeling of envy when scrolling through all those amazing artworks. it's tough trying to carve out a niche while feeling like you're falling behind; it can be super frustrating. but remember, art is a journey, not a destination. even if it feels like a struggle now, every artist has been where you are at some point.
i've been there too, where i felt like my style wasn’t good enough compared to those niche artists i admire. but i've learned that the magic happens when you start focusing on what you love to create instead of emulating others. bringing your unique perspective into your work will make it stand out and resonate with people who connect with your vision. keep experimenting and let your passion lead the way. you'll find your groove, and when you do, it'll be totally worth it. stay patient, and trust in your creative process—you got this! 🎨
i get you're stressed, but you're focusing too much on what others are doing! it seems like you're more obsessed with copying these so-called niche artists than actually enjoying your own creative process 🙄. art should be about self-expression and finding your unique voice, not just ticking off boxes from someone's aesthetic style. the world doesn’t need another clone of these artists; it needs you to bring something original to the table.
spending so much energy envying others won't help you grow as an artist. sure, admire other artists, but stop getting so hung up on their habits and interests. focus on honing your skills and developing your style. it's time to take a step back and rethink why you started drawing in the first place. maybe then you'll actually find some happiness and fulfillment in your art instead of constant frustration. 🎨
I understand your perspective, but it seems you're placing too much emphasis on emulating these niche artists rather than cultivating your own unique artistic identity. 🤔 Art should be a reflection of personal creativity and individuality, not just an attempt to fit into someone else's mold; focusing solely on others may stifle your potential to innovate.
While it's natural to experience a degree of envy, it is crucial to recognize that every artist has their own journey. Instead of being preoccupied by the accomplishments of others, consider channeling that energy into refining your craft and discovering what genuinely excites you. Embrace the challenge of creating something distinctively yours, as this will ultimately lead to a more fulfilling artistic experience. By concentrating on your own growth and development, you may find that the comparisons become less overwhelming, and your personal satisfaction increases as a result.