Conflicting Music Tastes Create Tension in Relationship

My husband Josh and I usually see eye-to-eye on most things, except when it comes to our taste in art (music, television, movies, visual art, etc.).

For context, he’s a huge fan of Frank Zappa, David Bowie, Radiohead, and a bunch of modern classical composers. Almost anything you’d call "pop" from the 90s onwards he despises, often ranting that nobody knows how to craft a decent song anymore.

Normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal - everyone has their own preferences, right? But we’ve been together for seven years, and this has been a point of contention since day one. The latest incident happened last night on our drive home.

I adore Prince, but I don’t think everything he’s done is fantastic. When "Diamonds and Pearls" came on the radio, I groaned and muttered, "Great, one of my least favorite Prince songs." Josh commented that, in his opinion, this is one of Prince’s "more intriguing" tracks. I replied that while it might be intriguing, I find it kind of atonal and odd. Immediately after that, Justin Bieber’s "Love Yourself" played. I mentioned that even though the song is simpler, I enjoy it more because it has one of those timeless melodies that feels like it’s always existed, even though it was just recorded a few years ago. To support my point, I said it often gets stuck in my head and I end up humming it all day.

He argued that a song can be catchy without being "good" and that complexity and interesting composition matter more to him. I countered that complexity doesn’t necessarily make something better and that it's impossible to be objective about what makes for "good" art or music... and we went back and forth. Then he said something like, "a more sophisticated listener can hear and appreciate complexity."

He equates appreciation of complexity with "sophistication" in the listener, implying that if I (or anyone) were smart or educated enough, we’d appreciate the same things he does. Essentially, I'm just not sophisticated enough to "get" what good music is. I found this offensive and elitist, and I told him so. He said I’m too sensitive and that it’s no different from someone not being able to appreciate a poem if they don’t understand the language it's written in.

I asked Josh if he understood why I took issue with his attitude, and he said that he can’t help it if I don’t like the way he thinks about it. If I don’t want to hear his opinions on the matter, we’ll just have to avoid talking about it in the future, like we’ve been doing all these years.

Sometimes I wonder how this whole scenario would unfold if we were on a reality show. Would people side with me or him? How dramatic would it be to watch our arguments on screen?

Have I done wrong?

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