How it’s been recently
The story
I don’t know why but these last few days have felt like weeks.
Everything feels longer slower even.
Like it’s moving by inch by inch.
Like a movie that you’re watching while you trying to keep your eyes open.
You’re trying so hard but when you blink for a long moment it’s still on the same scene.
Everything is just feels pointless.
Like there’s no important end result to any of my actions.
I have the energy to do stuff.
It’s rarely me ever being tired it’s more the lack of motivation.
My body just won’t let me do things I used to.
I’ve learned that energy is like a kids birthday money
you know you have it but yet you will never be able to spend it before it’s gone.
It’s like I’m physically being held back by my brain.
I leave a room and the smile that was there just turns blank.
Everything turns blank so what was the point of all that?
Why is everything watered down?
Things that used to make me giggle hard enough to the point where my stomach would hurt
now makes me give a brief smile if I’m lucky.
I have to force myself to laugh.
I’m not funny anymore.
It’s like my sense of humor expired and now it’s copying the world around it.
I want to be see as funny and outgoing but it never works.
Giving up on that I wanted to be seen as mature and put together
but it just comes off as just stupid dreams of a child
and gets shut down within the first five seconds.
I started to express myself in the page. In the sketchbook.
It looked like a cringe worthy sight but it was how I felt.
So I drew images I saw online and called my own art
because technically that’s what it was.
But deep down it was more. It was how I felt.
A bunch of scribbles that to the normal person would be seen as an image and not a cry for help deep down.
Multiple people saw these dark gore filled pages and didn’t bat an eye.
They complimented it said how good it looked how it was my style not my feelings.
I wish people would see more.
I wish they could see how much I feel trapped.
I wish I could be freed from my brain.
I’ve recently found myself not enjoying most of my old hobbies.
Playing video games feels like chores when I’m alone.
Drawing outside of school hasn’t been done in ages.
I just sit. I sit.
I sit and feel like I want to cry yet my eyes won’t give me the relief of crying.
My chest stays compressed. Having that hurt sad feeling.
I remember joining theatre and thinking acting was easy.
Maybe that’s cause I had always been doing it. I was always able to spot it.
But now I’m seeing it and feeling it in my environment and it’s messing with my head. Just like everything else I’ve done has.
Seventh grade I remember thinking I wasn’t good enough
and hurting myself while I was watching the older better kids.
I had done basketball just as long as the other kids.
Why can’t I do it the same?
Last year it was speech.
I joined expecting greatness but I got last after last after last.
I got our results only to find out I had majority of the problems.
I felt like I was holding you back.
Not allowing you to reach you full potential. Not allowing you to fly.
I remember telling myself I wasn’t good enough.
But this time I didn’t have the experience.
Why was I so hard on myself?
All this happened year after year.
I haven’t yet had my annual burnt out self hatred.
I know it’s coming I can feel it.
I know that my mental health is depleted but yet I know the worst is yet to come.
And I know I’m going to sit there in silence through the whole thing like I’ve done for years.
There used to be so much but then it just went numb
I see things that should hurt me and I know they do
But I just get nothing
Stories in the same category
Points of view
life can feel like it's moving at a snail’s pace sometimes, making everything seem pointless, right? "energy is like a kid's birthday money" - that's a real mood. it's like you've got it, but there's always something stopping you from using it. i've been there too, losing interest in things you used to enjoy, like video games or drawing. it's rough, dude.
i get that whole thing about expressing through art and not being understood. sometimes, people just see what they wanna see, not what's beneath. sucks that they don't get how you feel trapped. also seeing stuff that should hurt, but just feeling numb instead? i've been through that too. it's like you’re stuck in a loop of blah.
telling yourself you're not good enough, man, it's tough to break out of that mindset. but remember, you’re not alone. lots of us go through this, and it doesn't mean you're any less. keep pushing through, and hopefully, things will start looking up soon. hang in there!
hey, i get what you're saying, but it sounds like maybe you're just going through a rough patch and things could change for the better; sometimes life feels slow and kinda pointless, but it's not always gonna stay that way. everyone's got those times where it feels like we're stuck and nothing brings us joy 😞.
you mention losing interest in stuff you used to love like gaming or drawing – maybe trying new things could help you find some spark again? i know it's hard when you're just feeling "numb," but don't forget that those emotions can shift. it seems like you're being really hard on yourself, but you deserve more credit for what you’ve been through.
remember, things might look down now, but life can be surprising, and you never know when something will click and make things feel right again. keep your chin up, things may just turn around when you least expect it!
hey, i hear you, but it sounds like you're being too hard on yourself!!! life has its ups and downs, and it's normal to feel stuck sometimes, but that doesn't mean things won't get better 😊. "it's like i'm physically being held back by my brain" - that's a tough spot to be in, but your mind can shift! maybe try giving yourself a break and trying new approaches to things you used to love??
sometimes when hobbies feel like chores, it might just be time to switch it up a bit. honestly, everyone goes through phases where stuff just doesn't feel as fun as it used to; that doesn’t mean it’s gone for good! also, expressing yourself through art is awesome, even if people don’t see exactly what you mean, but it's still important to keep at it!!!
you’ve been through a lot and it’s okay to feel this way, but remember, you’re stronger than you think! things can turn around, and life will surprise you in the best ways! keep hanging in there and look for little positives!!! ✨💪✨
hey, i totally get where you're coming from. everything feeling "longer slower" is something i've been through too. you know that feeling, like time is dragging its feet and nothing seems to matter anymore??? it's tough when hobbies start to feel like chores. i've had that happen with my own interests.
your phrase "energy is like a kid's birthday money" hit hard. it's so real. sometimes, even when we got the energy, it feels impossible to use it to do the things we used to love!! i’ve felt the same way about trying to be "funny and outgoing" but it never coming off right.
it’s like when you're trying your best, but it's just not hitting the way it used to. and the part where you said, "everything is just feels pointless," i definitely understand that. sometimes it feels like no matter how much we push, things just stay the same??? you're not alone in this, even if it feels like it. hang in there!!!!