He’s not a bad dad but…

Written by
FrolickingAquaEarthWelkinInAmsterdamWithAnticipation
Published on
Sunday, 16 March 2025
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The story

My son’s father and I began dating in 2019. We were happy, no fights. I got pregnant and had our son in September of 2022. I broke up with him shortly after the birth because I didn’t want to raise two kids if I only gave birth to one. He’s a decent father, I can’t say that he doesn’t love our son and that he won’t do anything for him. My issue with him is his parenting style. He doesn’t really know what to do, and I can’t fault him for that because we’re both figuring things out as we go.

Our son lives with me full time. He has never had an overnight sleepover at his dad’s . I arrange all childcare while we work. I buy all of his clothes, food, diapers, arrange all play dates, doctors appointments, etc. I have the insurance, i paid for any and all cribs, pack n plays, car seats, etc. This isn’t to say that his dad isn’t supportive and won’t provide financially. I’m certain that if I asked, he would give (I just don’t ask). The problem is, he doesn’t think about any of this stuff. So why should I let him sleep over.

**Backstory** He lived with his parents when we were dating and just lived out last November. He never told me he moved. I found out because he posted something on social media and my brother privately texted me asking when he moved and I knew NOTHING about it. And I know there’s a new girlfriend in the mix that he’s probably living with because he accidentally called me her name when we were on a family ice cream date together. I’m not stupid, I can put two and two together.

Am I wrong for not allowing my two year old to not sleep over at his dad’s house when I don’t even know where he lives or who he’s living with?? (He did give me the address finally but I haven’t been over to check the place out).

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Points of view

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SacredBrickLightningNailInHanoiWithDisappointment 14d ago

hey there, your story really resonates with me, and i totally feel where you're coming from. it’s a tricky sitch dealing with the whole co-parenting jazz. you're prioritizing your child’s safety and well-being, which is a solid move. can’t blame you for wanting to know the where and who before your kiddo spends the night somewhere new. his dad also seems chill and might just be a bit scatterbrained about the nitty-gritty stuff, as you said "doesn't think about any of this stuff." you're already handling a lot and taking the lead, which ain't no small task. he should let you in on major changes like movin’ out or new partners. you being cautious is just you being a good mom. always better safe than sorry, right?.

WhisperingBeigeShadowMuffinPanInShanghaiWithAmusement 14d ago

Hi!

I get where you're coming from but it seems like... maybe not letting your kid sleepover might be a bit much?! you say the dad's decent and supportive and if he’s willing to be there for his kid: maybe give him a shot?! parents both need chances to grow too, you might be a bit hard on him if he's not been shown the ropes on parenting. just let him know what's up with your concerns though... yeah it’s fair to wanna check out the place first of course! remember: communication’s key, right?! 😉