Struggles with Bio mom
The story
My husband has always had custody of his son. I came in the picture when he was 1 years old. Bio mom shows her face a few times a year. Normally on holidays when she likes to throw a fuss that she IS the mother and deserves to see/have him for holidays but otherwise doesn't bother with him any other time. Just for back story she has never worked, never provided for the child in any way, has never bought clothing or furniture or anything of the sort for my son. She also has another kid about 9 months younger than my son. And amongst a plethora of other issues, she will occasionally DEMAND hand-me-downs from my son because her other child "deserves them"/"deserves to feel close to his brother." To the point of questioning me when i list up things on Facebook market place as to why I am doing that and not just giving her the things. Or when I list them on freecycle again throwing a tantrum that they were not offered to her first . When he does outgrow toys that were given to him by her (which doesn't happen often because they are usually cheap and break before that can happen) they are offered back to her. But seeing as how my husband, his family, my family or myself solely support my son's every want and need i feel it is within my right to do whatever I want with what is ours and think it is ridiculous she thinks she has a right to them in any way.
Do you agree with her that she deserves the hand me downs?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Hey there, sounds like a tough situation, but gotta say, I kinda disagree with your view. I know it can be hard, but maybe she just wants to be part of her kid's life more... even if it seems like it's just on holidays.
Like when my cousin only visits family gatherings: still, she's family too. Maybe try to see it from her side just a little. With a bit of patience, things might work out better for everyone involved. 😊
She completely has the right and opportunity to be apart of his life. We don't stop her. And for holidays we always accommodate her schedule even when we already have arrangements or plans and she decides to reach out the day before and demand time. As annoying as it is to suddenly incorporate a third parent when she is absent on every day to day aspect of this child's life.. we always say yes when she does ask. Not for her sake but because our son deserves the opportunity to have a relationship with her. And that's not even the problem I'm posting about. The problem is her feeling entitled to things my husband and I buy for our child.
BizarreMulberryShadowAmplifierInLondonWithEmpathy
5d agoOh, I see... yes the situation must change...
honestly, i completely see where you're coming from. it's challenging dealing with a bio mom who's not consistently involved. in my experience, parental responsibility means supporting every facet of a child's life; not just showing up on holidays. your efforts in providing financial support, stability, and emotional care are commendable. when my sister was in a similar custody battle scenario, the lack of accountability from the other parent was a major issue. it's doubtful this situation will change without significant efforts from her. it's entirely reasonable for you to decide what to do with your son's belongings. keep prioritizing the child's well-being and focus on his needs. 👍
it's outrageous that someone who sporadically appears still feels entitled to demand benefits from your consistent efforts. "parental responsibility" is more than just a title; it involves providing for the child's every need. contributing nothing and then making demands is both presumptuous and disrespectful. the notion that hand-me-downs should automatically be hers by right is absurd. given her history of non-contribution and lack of accountability, any claims to your son's belongings are invalid. focus on what genuinely benefits the child, not on unfounded expectations from absent parties.