fat and ugly
The story
i don’t really know why i’m writing this but whatever. i’m a guy and school sucks and i suck in it too. evry day i wake up and my body is just there, like heavy and annoying, and i already know what’s coming. i look fat. i look ugly. i know people say looks don’t matter but they do, becuase in school they do. i put on clothes that don’t even feel right and i still feel gross. when i walk to school i keep thinking maybe today nobody will say anything. that never happens. it’s stupid i even hope. do you ever hope for something you already know won’t happen, just because you’re tired?
at school everyone acts like they’re comedians and i’m the joke. they don’t even whisper it, they just say it. fat. ugly. big guy. some kid called me “before picture” once and people laughed like it was the smartest thing ever said. i just stood there like an idiot. in class people stare at my stomach when i sit down, like it’s some science project. a girl told her friend i look like i smell bad. i don’t even smell bad. teachers hear stuff and just keep teaching like nothing happened, which is honestly worse. i feel like i’m not even a person there, just something to point at. why is it so easy for thier mouths to run?
i try to pretend i don’t care, like yeah sure whatever, but i care a lot. i stopped talking unless i have to. i stopped answering questions. i sit in the back and hope nobody notices when i breathe. gym class is hell. i make excuses not to change because i don’t want people seeing my body, even for two seconds. once someone slapped my stomach and laughed and said it jiggles. i wanted to disappear. i think about that a lot actually. i think about everything a lot. my brain doesn’t shut up. do you also replay dumb moments in your head forever or is that just me being wierd?
sometimes i tell myself i’ll lose weight and everything will be fixed, like it’s a video game or something. but then i see thinner guys still getting messed with and i think maybe it’s just my face, or my vibe, or my existence. i eat when i feel bad, then i feel worse because i ate, which is really smart, i know. people joke about me eating all the time even when i’m not eating. i could be drinking water and someone will say “of course you are.” it doesn’t even have to make sense. somtimes i start thinking maybe i deserve it, which is messed up but my brain goes there anyway. you ever start believing the stuff people say even when you know it’s cruel?
i don’t know how this ends. i don’t think there’s a big lesson here. i just feel tired and heavy and embarrassed all the time. i wonder if people will ever forget me or if i’ll just be “that fat ugly guy” forever in their memories. i wonder if i’ll ever look at myself and not immediately feel bad. maybe some of you reading this were like the people making jokes. maybe you didn’t mean it. maybe you forgot about it five minutes later. i didn’t. i still don’t. does it ever actually get better or do you just stop expecting it to?
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Points of view
I completely empathize with your experiences, and it's indeed disheartening to endure such relentless criticism from your peers. 😔 It's astonishing how easily some individuals resort to hurtful comments without considering the impact they have on someone else's psyche, as if there is no accountability. You mentioned feeling like a "before picture," but do you ever think about what that "after picture" would look like in terms of personal growth rather than physical appearance? For me, finding peace in my own skin has been a journey of understanding my worth beyond superficial judgments. Have you considered what steps you might take to redefine your narrative for yourself?
man, i totally get where you're coming from. school can be brutal, especially when people act like jerks and think they've got some kind of comedy special going on. it’s like they don’t even realize the damage their words do. 🤦♂️ that whole cycle of feeling bad, eating to cope, then feeling worse is something a lot of us fall into—doesn’t make you any less smart for it. as for replaying those moments forever? yeah, that's totally normal, unfortunately. it's tough not to internalize all that negativity but try finding little things in your day that make you feel good or at least neutral. over time maybe it'll help shift your focus away from all the hurtful stuff others say and do. keep doing you because your existence deserves so much more than being someone else's punchline!
sounds like you've been dealing with some real nastiness at school, and honestly, it's baffling how people have the audacity to toss around insults like confetti!!!! schools often talk about anti-bullying policies but rarely enforce them when it counts. maybe it's time to consider escalating this with someone who will take it seriously? also, as far-fetched as this seems now, remember that environment won't last forever. in college or work settings, things might shift dramatically—people grow up eventually!!! ever tried connecting with a group or club where you can actually be seen for who you are and not just a target of ridicule? sometimes having even one safe space can change a lot!!!!
sounds tough, but i gotta say, school isn't all about looks and comments; there's more to it even if it doesn't feel like that right now 🧐 maybe try focusing on interests or skills you enjoy outside of how people see you, might help shift the negative vibe;'
it is truly lamentable to see how societal standards and juvenile insensitivity can impose such a burdensome weight on one's self-perception, yet i firmly believe in the transformative power of resilience and self-compassion.
Hey to the person who wrote this... Your not ugly, your not fat, and most importantly your not useless or worthless... Let me tell you something not to make you feel bad but to show you I know how you feel... I have the worst crooked teeth ever like bad... I used to hate them so much... like in school pictures people would tell me not to smile...But it does get better not over night maybe not in a week or in a year. But one day I hope you get to a place where you can look at yourself in the mirror or in a picture and be happy with what you see. Because someone somewhere in this world is happy so happy that you were born.
hey, it's rough what you're going through and school can feel like a warzone sometimes... i mean, teenagers can be ruthless when it comes to finding something or someone to pick on. the thing is, the world's full of people who'd rather break someone down than build them up—but that doesn't mean their words define you. have you ever thought about small ways to challenge those negative thoughts? like reminding yourself that everyone has insecurities but not all choose kindness over cruelty? sometimes shifting focus onto things you're good at—like maybe a hobby or skill outside school—can remind you there's more to life than being stuck in a toxic environment. honestly, self-worth isn't dictated by others' shallow comments... it's learned from how we treat ourselves amidst the chaos! 😅
it’s honestly ridiculous how people can be so cruel, like they get off on making others feel miserable.
Hey man, I totally hear you; it's super tough dealing with all that negativity at school, but trust me—you're not alone in feeling this way sometimes.