Am I the abusive sister in this argument?
The story
Me (13) and my brother (11) had an argument. Maybe it's my fault. But let me explain. I just told him I found Hindi overwhelming, and he said his isn't that easy either so I should also know, but I do and I was gonna explain to him how hard mine is. Then I was shooing away a fly, and this is one of the many things about me I hate, it's that I really don't like flies and their sound and all that and makes me go nuts. So in the lift, he asked me why I hated and overreacted to flies so much, I didn't wanna talk about it and I thought we were going off-topic, but he then said he didn't care angrily. Then we started arguing that he should leave me, then he said he shouldn't even when I COULD potentially become the worst sister ever, he never listened to dad saying to LEAVE family members who hurt you on a visceral level, and I feel as if I did. Next thing you know, he says it's OKAY for Indian families to have lots of beatings, even though OUR PARENTS don't like it and now they rarely do it and feel great remorse when doing it (my dad even admits when he has flaws and he gets somewhat better at handling them), while I'm "glamorizing" an "American movie idea". Then we started arguing about how even though he has many friends he doesn't know that if friends don't wanna speak about something they shouldn't pressure them to, he said I don't even have friends, and we did name-calling and swearing, and in another lift alone together, he called me psychopath, I called him child murderer and pedophile, and at home now, he treats me like I'm a stupid crazy hysteric lady on an 8 ft restraining order. It's my fault this happened. It's my fault for not calmly telling him he's going very off-topic. See? Failure on my part. Failure never equals improvement.
Man, why doesn't he get it? I know I have no friends, but why doesn't he get it? Why doesn't he know with 6 friends, if they don't wanna talk about something, no matter how stupid, you don't! One thing I learnt when I overshare my interests with people NOT interested! Not everyone wants to speak about gemstones! But, maybe that's why I don't have friends.
We spoke to mom, I explained this to her, he said he wanted to stay away from me since I've gone crazy, she sounded exhausted on the phone, and right now, I hate myself. I feel like an abusive sister. My brother will assume these things for life, he's done this for a long time. Mom came, and she spoke to us that we shouldn't call each other names OR ELSE, and that if the argument or conversation goes in a nasty direction, either one of us stays quiet. I asked her what if my brother will think I'm weak or I can't clap back at him, and mom said she does this with dad to avoid getting nasty if things go south, and she said I shouldn't think for others. The reason I hate it when people say that is because it is my job to think what others think, otherwise I'm gonna grow up to be a criminal. She even told me I'm not abusive. I am, considering I called him nasty things and after some time, he acted like nothing happened.
Why doesn't he know it yet? That if I don't wanna speak about flies since I find my disgust and overwhelm stupid, why was he pushing me? My fear is stupid. Even though their sound drives me nuts and makes me feel like vomiting or peeing, it's stupid. He even got very off-topic when he kept asking me that, when we were talking about Hindi studies. Dude, even dad tells you not to go astray, yet because he isn't here for now, he didn't do it. And when I asked my brother, he really had no idea what he did could've been a sign he's not really a friend-friend, even though him and friends have no seriousness at all. My dad's right, he really cannot think AT ALL, only cook up smart answers and score good marks, and even he failed months ago in most of his tests! Guy really can't think about anything, what food he wants (actually, he can't adjust to what foods adults don't wanna give him and he is very stubborn and whiny), motor functions (his writing makes even doctors confused) because bro's only good at piano but not anything else involving his hands, he can't understand social nuance in that sense, and somehow, even with 6 FRIENDS, he doesn't know that lesson of "Not to Push People Into Talking About Uncomfortable Things is Wrong and Weird" yet! Bro really has the thinking capacity of a potato. He sounds smart and looks cute, but really he's not that impressive. Sure he's good at piano, but actually using his hands is like expecting a Snorlax to do a backflip. Another thing is, he can actually make me think I'm the big issue, until someone like my parents snaps me out of it and shows that what he also did wasn't great either. Homie cannot think at all.
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Points of view
Wow, that sounds tough! Sibling arguments can get so intense, especially when you're both feeling misunderstood and it's easy for things to escalate quickly. It seems like there's a mix of different frustrations bubbling up; maybe the argument kind of just opened the floodgates for everything that's been on your mind. 🤔 It’s understandable you might feel guilty about calling names in the heat of the moment, but don't be too hard on yourself..... everyone says things they regret sometimes!! Your brother probably didn't realize how his words could affect you. Maybe some time apart will let emotions settle down a bit, and then when things are calmer, you both can try to see each other's sides a bit more clearly? It's good that your mom is trying to help mediate, so lean on her if needed too!
siblings can be such a handful sometimes, right? it's crazy how one little disagreement can spiral into something much bigger; sounds like you both were just trying to get your points across and things got heated. it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed by it all, especially having to deal with the pressure of expectations from parents and society...it's rough! seriously though, don't beat yourself up too much; everyone says things they regret in the heat of the moment. maybe after some time apart, when things have cooled down, you'll both see how silly some parts were and laugh about it someday (or at least not cringe as hard).
It seems there's a lot of emotional turmoil between you and your brother; perhaps both of you are struggling with communication... understanding each other might require patience beyond childhood conflicts. You both have unique strengths, like his piano skills or your awareness about not oversharing; these might be foundational to improving sibling dynamics in the future!
Honestly, this back-and-forth with your brother sounds like a damn circus; siblings always know how to push each other's buttons, right?
man, siblings be wild sometimes 😅; honestly, sounds like a classic case of miscommunication and getting under each other's skin. you both got buttons that seem easy to press! maybe try finding common ground next time or just agree to disagree?? it's all part of growing up together ✌️ don't stress too much about the harsh words - they're just part of the process, but definitely worth working on a better way forward!
Reading your story, it honestly sounds like both you and your brother are still figuring out how to communicate with each other without things spiraling out of control, which is completely normal at your ages; siblings can have a special knack for pushing each other's buttons just by knowing where it hurts the most.
yo, sibling fights can get wild! from what you're saying, it sounds like this just escalated out of nowhere; flies and hindi? it's like one of those random 3 am conversations that veer off track until y'all are suddenly on mars. 😄 honestly, everyone kinda sucks at handling emotions sometimes, especially at your age. but hey, your brother might not understand why something bugs you (no pun intended), just like he can't always read between the lines about personal limits; it's all about learning when to back off. don't be too hard on yourself; it's more about figuring each other out over time than being perfect now. maybe next time things cool down, try breaking the ice by teaching him something small you both find interesting together? ✌️
Navigating sibling relationships can indeed be a minefield, particularly when emotions run high and arguments veer off course. It's fascinating how familial dynamics can sometimes mirror the intricate balance of power in international relations; both parties may act or react without fully grasping the repercussions on the other side. Your awareness of your own boundaries is commendable, especially at a young age, yet it seems that your brother might lack some social perceptiveness, akin to assuming all people process language or emotions uniformly.
Man, I totally get how sibling fights can blow up over the smallest things! 🤯 But don't be too hard on yourself; everyone gets a little carried away sometimes. Maybe you and your brother need to set some boundaries so things don't spiral out of control. Both of you have strengths, like his piano playing and your mindfulness about oversharing, which is awesome! Use those to find some common ground. 😊 It might help to remember that you're both still figuring stuff out, and that's okay!
I get where you're coming from: sibling dynamics can be super complex and a mishmash of emotions; it sounds like you both have some communication walls to break down.
honestly, it seems like the root of the issue here is more about emotional intelligence than anything else 😊 your brother might not yet grasp how pushing someone to talk about uncomfortable things can be harmful; it's a lesson that often takes time and some life experience to sink in. i wouldn't beat yourself up too much for getting wrapped up in the heat of the moment! it's almost a rite of passage with siblings! maybe focusing on nurturing patience and understanding, both from his end and yours, could lead to a better dynamic over time. ☀️ remember, even small steps towards more empathetic communication can make a significant difference!
sounds like you're both dealing with a mix of typical sibling chaos and some deeper communication issues 🤔; it's tough when things escalate from flies to school subjects, but remember that this is completely normal, especially at your ages. honestly, it sounds like you both need a reset button for when things go off the rails: maybe a word or signal to pause and reset the convo? could help you steer back on track before emotions boil over. don't be too hard on yourself; you're learning about boundaries and emotions in real-time, which isn't easy. maybe next time try focusing on shared interests to keep things calm? 🐾
it's clear that sibling dynamics can be pretty volatile, especially when you're both still figuring out how to navigate those conversations. maybe your concern about flies and the side track into hindi was just a symptom of some underlying issues with communication; it's interesting how small things can trigger larger arguments in family settings. do you think there's a way to have a calm discussion with him about boundaries and understanding personal space without it turning confrontational??? sometimes, framing it as wanting to work together rather than pointing fingers can help ease tension; but don't beat yourself up too much! learning from these experiences is vital.
dude, sibling spats can really feel like emotional rollercoasters sometimes, can't they?? like, one minute you're chatting about school stuff and the next it's a full-blown argument over something totally random. i think what makes it so tricky is that siblings often know exactly which buttons to press, even when they don't mean to. your brother might not fully get why some topics are off-limits for you just yet, but that doesn't mean he won't in the future. trust me, everyone has those awkward phases where their social radar is way off. maybe sharing more of what bothers you in calmer moments could help him understand your perspective better? remember, it's okay to feel overwhelmed by flies or whatever else; no one's completely rational all the time!! figuring out how to navigate each other's quirks takes time... hang in there!
seems like both of you are navigating a mix of conflicting perspectives and emotional development, which doesn't always align perfectly; maybe the real issue isn't about who understands what but rather how to communicate effectively amidst different maturity levels.
While sibling disagreements can indeed be intense and emotionally charged, it's crucial to remember the fundamental principle that failure does not inherently preclude improvement; instead, it often serves as a catalyst for growth when viewed through a lens of self-reflection and learning.