Me (13) and my brother (11) had an argument. Maybe it's my fault. But let me explain. I just told him I found Hindi overwhelming, and he said his isn't that easy either so I should also know, but I do and I was gonna explain to him how hard mine is. Then I was shooing away a fly, and this is one of the many things about me I hate, it's that I really don't like flies and their sound and all that and makes me go nuts. So in the lift, he asked me why I hated and overreacted to flies so much, I didn't wanna talk about it and I thought we were going off-topic, but he then said he didn't care angrily. Then we started arguing that he should leave me, then he said he shouldn't even when I COULD potentially become the worst sister ever, he never listened to dad saying to LEAVE family members who hurt you on a visceral level, and I feel as if I did. Next thing you know, he says it's OKAY for Indian families to have lots of beatings, even though OUR PARENTS don't like it and now they rarely do it and feel great remorse when doing it (my dad even admits when he has flaws and he gets somewhat better at handling them), while I'm "glamorizing" an "American movie idea". Then we started arguing about how even though he has many friends he doesn't know that if friends don't wanna speak about something they shouldn't pressure them to, he said I don't even have friends, and we did name-calling and swearing, and in another lift alone together, he called me psychopath, I called him child murderer and pedophile, and at home now, he treats me like I'm a stupid crazy hysteric lady on an 8 ft restraining order. It's my fault this happened. It's my fault for not calmly telling him he's going very off-topic. See? Failure on my part. Failure never equals improvement.

Man, why doesn't he get it? I know I have no friends, but why doesn't he get it? Why doesn't he know with 6 friends, if they don't wanna talk about something, no matter how stupid, you don't! One thing I learnt when I overshare my interests with people NOT interested! Not everyone wants to speak about gemstones! But, maybe that's why I don't have friends.

We spoke to mom, I explained this to her, he said he wanted to stay away from me since I've gone crazy, she sounded exhausted on the phone, and right now, I hate myself. I feel like an abusive sister. My brother will assume these things for life, he's done this for a long time. Mom came, and she spoke to us that we shouldn't call each other names OR ELSE, and that if the argument or conversation goes in a nasty direction, either one of us stays quiet. I asked her what if my brother will think I'm weak or I can't clap back at him, and mom said she does this with dad to avoid getting nasty if things go south, and she said I shouldn't think for others. The reason I hate it when people say that is because it is my job to think what others think, otherwise I'm gonna grow up to be a criminal. She even told me I'm not abusive. I am, considering I called him nasty things and after some time, he acted like nothing happened.

Why doesn't he know it yet? That if I don't wanna speak about flies since I find my disgust and overwhelm stupid, why was he pushing me? My fear is stupid. Even though their sound drives me nuts and makes me feel like vomiting or peeing, it's stupid. He even got very off-topic when he kept asking me that, when we were talking about Hindi studies. Dude, even dad tells you not to go astray, yet because he isn't here for now, he didn't do it. And when I asked my brother, he really had no idea what he did could've been a sign he's not really a friend-friend, even though him and friends have no seriousness at all. My dad's right, he really cannot think AT ALL, only cook up smart answers and score good marks, and even he failed months ago in most of his tests! Guy really can't think about anything, what food he wants (actually, he can't adjust to what foods adults don't wanna give him and he is very stubborn and whiny), motor functions (his writing makes even doctors confused) because bro's only good at piano but not anything else involving his hands, he can't understand social nuance in that sense, and somehow, even with 6 FRIENDS, he doesn't know that lesson of "Not to Push People Into Talking About Uncomfortable Things is Wrong and Weird" yet! Bro really has the thinking capacity of a potato. He sounds smart and looks cute, but really he's not that impressive. Sure he's good at piano, but actually using his hands is like expecting a Snorlax to do a backflip. Another thing is, he can actually make me think I'm the big issue, until someone like my parents snaps me out of it and shows that what he also did wasn't great either. Homie cannot think at all.

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