how to be less sensitive?

Written by
EtherealLemonShadowCanisterSetInEmbourgWithEnvy
Published on
Monday, 22 September 2025
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The story

I am 31 years old woman and I have been working since three years in a government center that manage the reception and also the returning of foreigners. In fact, my specific department is dedicated to the expulsion of persons to their country of origin, and in majority this means Mexico or Central America regions. Each day I face stories that are extremely human, sometimes even tragic, and I confess with no shame that I continue to cry very often after my working hours. I thought maybe with the time I would build kind of shield or hard skin, but it did not happen like that. Instead, I feel even more sensitive to the pain of others. I ask myself often, why some colleagues can make jokes about it or just continue with neutral face, while me I go home with heavy heart? Once, after accompanying a family of four to the airport, the young daughter gave me a bracelet made of colored threads and whispered, “please remember us.” How to not be moved by such words? That night I couldn’t sleep and I kept asking to myself if I am in the right job, if my tears will ever stop flowing, or if maybe it is normal reaction to continue to be sensitive after all this time.

In my way of thinking, sensitivity is not only a weakness, it is also a force that allows us to see the humanity behind the regulations and the bureaucracy. But still, I would like to learn how to be less affected, because depression is coming again and again in waves, and it is hard to keep motivation. Some days I sit in the restroom and I cry silent because I cannot show to others this fragility, even if in reality I am not ashamed, but more scared of being judged or considered incapable. Sometimes I try to use strategies like writing small notes of gratitude, reading philosophy or spiritual texts that bring comfort, like Viktor Frankl saying that “those who have a why to live, can bear almost any how.” This line encourage me, but in practice when I see another deportation case, my heart breaks anyway. What do you think, is it possible to keep empathy and compassion but without losing mental balance? Or is the only way to survive in such work to build cold wall around emotions? I feel very lost on this point, because I want to keep human but not to be destroyed inside every month.

I try to be hopeful, because I know life is also about learning from the suffering, and maybe in some strange way these experiences will help me to grow stronger. For example, I started recently to do voluntary activities in my free time, like teaching English to immigrant kids, and this give me positive energy to compensate the darker side of my job. It is like giving back something, even small, to balance what I take part in during the day. I also talk with my mother, and she reminds me kindly that “you cannot save everyone, but you can always treat them with respect and dignity.” That phrase stay in my mind, and maybe that is the key, to know that even in a painful role, I can give something decent like a smile or kind word. So I want to ask you, dear reader, do you think there is a method to be less sensitive without becoming cruel? Or maybe the true courage is to accept our sensitivity and find ways to manage it with healthier habits, like therapy or meditation or even just having more supportive friends around? I sincerely hope to discover balance, and I hope also to not lose myself, because despite all the tears, I believe that my heart can still be source of hope and resilience.

Workplace Drama


Points of view

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EnlivenedForestGreenFireSmartphoneInCopenhagenWithAnticipation 7h ago

I get where you're coming from, but honestly, it's a tough call. It's totally understandable to feel overwhelmed by the emotional weight of your job, and wanting to protect yourself is only natural. But asking if you should build a "cold wall" around your emotions seems kind of extreme, don't you think??? It sounds like you're already trying positive outlets with volunteering and talking to your mom. Maybe rather than trying to numb yourself, focusing on these supportive activities might be the better way forward? Balancing empathy and personal well-being isn't easy – perhaps therapy or meditation could give you more tools to cope without losing that sense of humanity that's clearly important to you.

HummingGoldShadowThumbtackInTorontoWithDespair 6h ago

you sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders. I think, as you said, the real courage is to accept your sensitivity and find ways to manage it with healthier habits. I'm sure the people who come thru your office greatly appreciate a kind face far more than a stone wall. honestly though I don't know how you do it. what keeps you at that job? do the positives outweigh the pain? you shouldn't have to change who you are, ie be less sensitive, in order to be happy

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Author 6h ago

Thanks for your comment! I think I continue to do this work because I know I take good care of people when others wouldn't do it in my place....

WhimsicalYellowWoodSofaInMontrealWithContentment 36m ago

You're not wrong, weak, or lost. You're just a human being feeling things as they are. Your heart works exactly as it should. "Is it possible to maintain empathy and compassion without losing your mental balance?" You don't have to stop caring; that's very difficult. But you can open up about it to someone you know, friends or even in therapy. Don't keep it to yourself. Try establishing a closing ritual for the day. These rituals help your brain understand that the day is over and that now is the time to take care of yourself, like collecting your thoughts, listening to music, or distracting yourself. Know that you are very strong. I wouldn't have lasted a week in your place. You are a strong person. And don't isolate yourself, okay? Emotional loneliness can be treacherous. You feel the pain of others; you are human, and honestly, in today's world, that's one of the most important things you can have, unlike your colleagues who make jokes. I don't know you, but I think you're strong.