The office does have reasons to be fragmented

Personally, I don't like office parties because that's precisely where battlegrounds, underlying factions, and unspoken truths are revealed. My friend used to avoid them, thanks to her extreme social nature, but she acted in ways that avoided explanations, allowing her to move about as she pleased. She knows that these events are the place to let her guard down, but precisely because of this desire, everyone takes advantage of the situation, making accusations and putting you in a difficult position unexpectedly. It's not easy for her; personally, it was her way of navigating her life according to her needs, in order to expand professionally, or so I think, since I see that's what she's doing.

She has completely excluded me from her life, not because I bother her, but because if I were to get involved in her hectic life, I'd have to start by creating distance. Whenever I get involved in something that disrupts my routine, I somehow try to get out of it; I don't want to be there, I try to distance myself, I fight to make it let me go. In fact, that's what she was aiming for. Since her livelihood, her way of integrating herself into the office, is through the complete disruption of other people's space, she tried at all costs to make it as undisruptive as possible, in order to prevent me from becoming defensive. It's not her usual way of being; she has me blocked in every way, and it's difficult when I see her. However, this has led me to feel marginalized, and therefore to seek her affection, which she does provide, but only in a limited way, to prevent me from losing control and becoming defensive again. She always sought my support in some way, since she sees me as capable of being loyal to her under any circumstances.

Up to this point, from what I've said about her, she appears to be someone striving to build a life that is not only professional but also social. It's clear that her situation, as I observe it—a radical abandonment of friendships, of people who are each in their own world—has left her somewhat isolated, solely at the mercy of those professionals, but not all of them are truly professional, because when it comes down to it, her emotional life is completely neglected. This has led her to close herself off to romantic relationships, solely to protect herself from potential abusers at all costs, and also because it would mean her progress would be jeopardized. She won't abandon me, because she needs that emotional connection; besides her professional life, there's also her family, which demands her attention. I find no rest in any aspect of her life. In this sense, I need someone who is there for me when I need them, and of course, she must ensure that this lack is not evident in any way. Of course, she also needs to ensure that I am not in a state of absolute deprivation, because that would immediately lead to an outburst of anger. What a complex structure this woman has built! She is, and no one can deny it, struggling to define her life, to find balance, which is common for anyone after graduating from university, especially one still living within the family, particularly at an age when such things are supposed to be settled. In this sense, I observe her hurried nature, and it makes me understand why she has been so risky and yet so cautious in all her actions with me, as well as with others in her office conversations, in terms of setting boundaries, both professionally and in fulfilling her family obligations, in order to reciprocate their efforts.

She doesn't have it easy, of course. For my part, I'm calm, with my family life devoid of connection, my professional life equally so, my office life equally so, and emotionally, well, somewhat lacking as well, because ultimately such absences represent all-consuming barriers, as in her case, precisely because of cultural pressures, constantly leading me to feel hopeless and therefore resort to strategies to cope, but never replacing the foundation of a pleasant relationship. Indeed, we were both lacking something, but we were also completely fearful of abuse, which is why our union has been successful. Hence, I also acted to safeguard her space, to ensure that she didn't feel, in any way, drawn to me given the social pressures she was under, where her actions, in fact, were disruptive and worthy of condemnation, allowing the environment to take advantage of her. We both took precautions against this, at all costs, leading us to define our boundaries in this regard, which in effect consisted of making a whole journey, given that we had the goal and needed to be with another who made us feel like just another one and we could, who would consolidate our together.

I miss her deeply. In the office, we're so entrenched that we know any attempt to distance myself from her is a completely unacceptable act. My boss tried it, and believing a complaint wouldn't be possible, he came up with something—just to play on our prejudices—that everyone else saw. It showed I had ingenuity, and therefore, no one knew where my next move would come from if they tried. She and I form a kind of counter-government because neither of us is bound by our department, as the office administration intends, supposedly to prevent interdepartmental conflicts. My boss, thinking he could get his way with me regarding breach of trust—something that didn't happen with her because she defended herself—was surprised to find he couldn't. This also meant that the appearance of weakness that others used to perceive in me was no longer seen as weakness, but as just another weakness among them. The fact that I'm not socializing with everyone no longer means that my weak appearance is something I accept. Of course, they try to contradict that appearance, suggesting that everyone is expressing the effects of a debilitating loneliness.

My boss thought that because of the trust I'd developed with someone who was like a father to me, and because I considered him as such—something that hadn't happened—it was having an effect, that it was going to control me, that I wouldn't want to lose him like I did with my family, that I wouldn't want to lose anyone, but I didn't care. My devotion to him no longer indicated that I was needy, not at all, as is often assumed. In this sense, the others, through my boss, realized that my actions were like theirs: despite not socializing, I sought to remain rooted in nothing, unless it was something I enjoyed, which is what happened with the girl. Given the girl's fame, it clearly implied to my boss that being with her, unlike him, suggested that, given her distance and lack of awareness of others' perspectives, his obsession with me was excessive, even abusive, all to bolster his image. This is why, at the end of the recent party, everyone acted in a way that made it clear he was still acting in her best interests, completely ignoring everyone else and the company we work for.

I don't like parties because they always mark a turning point. At parties, formalities are no longer maintained; instead, they are loosened, revealing what happened when they were being used—those inconsistencies where they pretended nothing was wrong, all in the name of safeguarding social order, but requiring those involved to be vigilant about these inconsistencies. The atmosphere in the office reflects a reign of absolute control. Failing to do so may actually lead to harm, hence the constant complaints of lack of control. The idea isn't to be writing constantly; rather, this indicates that the office is unable to manage its own group, because it expands its influence beyond its own walls to consolidate its power, leading to the formation of factions.

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