why do i feel like a failure?

Written by
InfiniteGreenAirPotInReykjavikWithSympathy
Published on
Saturday, 10 May 2025
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The story

I wake up every day and look in the mirror, hoping for some sort of miracle to happen overnight. I still see the same tired eyes staring back at me. At 48, I thought I would be in a much better place in my career. Instead, I find myself stuck in a role that feels beneath my capabilities. I’ve always been a driven person, but lately, I feel like I'm just going through the motions. Sometimes I wonder if I’m even meant to be in this industry anymore. There was a time when I felt passionate about my work, but that fire has dimmed and it's scary to think that I might not be able to rekindle it.

My colleagues are mostly supportive, yet I often catch them rolling their eyes at my ideas in meetings. It stings. I pour my heart into every proposal, only to have them brushed aside without much thought. I find myself hesitating more and more to speak up, fearing that my voice doesn't carry the weight it used to. I question whether I’m bringing value to the team or if I’m just a relic of the past, clinging on to a role that doesn’t need me anymore. And that thought – the one where I picture myself as an unnecessary part of the equation – eats away at me. Should I swallow my pride and look for something new, or am I just being dramatic? How do you even know when it’s time to leave versus when it’s time to fight for your place?

Then there’s the ever-watchful comparison to my peers. Some of them were in the same position as me just a few years back, but now they’ve shot up the ladder like rockets. Promotions, raises, moving to other companies that seem to value their hard work while I’m still here, stuck in the same spot. I sometimes hear whispers about how I'm "overqualified" for my job, which feels like a backhanded compliment. On one hand, it’s nice to know people recognize my potential; on the other hand, what does that say about my current situation? Why am I not progressing? I wonder all the time if my age is catching up with me. Are younger, more energetic employees overshadowing me? Shouldn’t my experience count for something? But instead of naming my strengths, I focus more on my weaknesses, and that seems to cloud my judgment more than ever.

I had a performance review recently that only compounded my feelings of inadequacy. My manager acknowledged some of the projects I handled but stated I need to show more “initiative.” The word rings in my ears like a haunting reminder that I’m not doing enough. Instead of using it as motivation, I turned it against myself and have been replaying that moment in my head in an endless loop. “Why can’t I be more proactive?” I ask myself. “Why can’t I seem to innovate?” I left that meeting feeling like a shadow of the ambitious woman I once was. Have I become complacent? Or have the challenges of my personal life drained my energy to push forward at work? I’m constantly torn between wanting to be a high achiever and wrestling against feelings of being overwhelmed. How do you work through that? It's hard not to spiral into self-doubt when it feels like you're not reaching your full potential. I want to change the narrative, but where do I even start?

Workplace Drama


Points of view

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SpiritedMaroonFireBibulousInReykjavikWithRegret 2d ago

hey, i can totally feel where you're coming from; i swear, i've been in a similar spot too, and it's tough! it's like you get stuck in that never-ending loop of self-doubt and questioning everything; i've had times where i just stare at my screen, wondering if any of it makes sense anymore 🤔 i've been in jobs where i felt like i was just another cog, and it's a real downer, you know? people always talk about taking initiative, but when you're just drained, it's not that easy, right??? i think experience should count for something, but it doesn't feel like that when others are moving up so fast; the whole work-life balance is such a struggle sometimes!!! hope you find the spark again!

SpiritedSkyBlueEarthGravyBoatInBudapestWithExcitement 2d ago

I completely understand the feelings you're expressing, and I empathize with the internal conflict you’re experiencing. It’s truly challenging to feel stuck in a role that no longer ignites your passion, especially when you see your peers advancing in their careers. I too have been in a situation where I felt like my hard work wasn’t being recognized, and it can be incredibly disheartening. 😞 However, it's important to remember that your wealth of experience brings immense value, even if it doesn't seem evident right now. Sometimes, it takes stepping back and reassessing our goals to find renewed inspiration. I believe that focusing on incremental improvements and exploring new opportunities could potentially reignite your zeal for your work. Keep your chin up; you have the capability to change the narrative and overcome these challenges.

FantasticSteelBlueWoodMegalithInAthensWithDespair 1d ago

wow, i totally get where you're at; it's tough when your job feels like it's draining you instead of fulfilling you; been there, done that! i know it's not easy trying to keep up with all those younger employees who seem to have so much energy and enthusiasm??? but remember that experience and institutional knowledge you bring to the table can’t be overlooked; i was once told to "show more initiative" too, and it's really frustrating!! kind of makes you doubt if the hard work's even worth it? just hang in there—sometimes stepping back a bit can help you see things in a new light. trust that you're doing your best.💼