Vent (Tw: pet death mentioned)
The story
So i lost a pet. A horse. A tumor, most likely, took her from us less than two days ago. Realistically i wasn't close to her. I was just a 'treat giver'. I used to ride a few years ago but I stopped a while before we even got her. Horses were HER big dream not mine anyway. SHE'S devasted. SHE'S picked up smoking again. "Only one cig" when It gets dark and SHE starts crying. I watched behind the window when they burried her. I stayed around on her last day when we were trying everything to help her. I haven't cried though. I knew was going to die. You could tell at first glance. She didn't even have the strength to get back up. But i didn't believe it. Does that make sense? To know something for certain and still refuse It? On her last few hours i was too tired and I went to bed. I set an allarm at precisely 4:00 am. Idk why. I like to wake up early I think. But that time felt like It. I thought in the morning the vet would come to help. And idk. She would Just get up and go back to being healthy and everything would be normal again. But when i woke i knew she was gone. It was too silent. The vet never came. She died during night. I knew she would die already. Her condition was too bad
She had been getting skinnier recently. And no matter what we tried she didn't couldn't put on fat. I woke up knowing she was gone. But since SHE told me i couldn't really wrap my head around it. It doesn't feel real. Like a dream. It happened fast. In the early morning she fell and didn't have the strength to get back up. And the next morning she was gone. I was close to her. But She was a normal part of life. Of family. Of routine. It's normal to see her there. A little old. Maybe a Little stupid. But there. Alive, fluffy, breathing and Gluttonous. But now she's not. She under the earth. I watched when they burried, hidden away. Honestly I hoped that it would make me cry for some reason but i didn't. I Just couldn't stop watching. I can't stop watching even now the ground that holds her body. I can't stop thinking that when i look at stable i'm gonna see her inside. She gonna be there. She should be. But She isn't. She's under the ground now. She was scared when she died. She scratched herself in the panic and she bled. Her fur was dirty. I cant stop thinking about it. I don't even know of i have the right to feel this way. I was even her owner not really. SHE was. And yet i can't think without going back to her. To her last day. To her owner's words. My stomach feels naseous. I wanna throw up. I kinda wanna cry. I think that would make feel better. I want to stop thinking. Idk what I want. I'm writing this BC i can't sleep. this Is haunting me.
