Am I annoying??!
The story
I don’t know when I started asking myself this question so much, but lately, it’s like a constant loop in my head—Am I annoying? I’ve been married to my husband for 15 years, and I swear, sometimes it feels like he’s just tired of me. Not in a dramatic, we-need-to-divorce way, but in a way that makes me feel like I talk too much, like I repeat myself, like I ask too many little questions or bring up too many unimportant things. I’ll be telling him about my day, something small that happened, and I see it—that slight change in his face, the way his eyes shift away, the little sigh, like he’s waiting for me to finish. And I feel stupid. I feel like I should just shut up, like maybe whatever I was saying wasn’t worth saying in the first place. And I don’t think he even realizes he does it, which somehow makes it worse. Because if he noticed, maybe he’d at least pretend better. Maybe he’d reassure me, tell me I’m not annoying, that he still wants to hear what I have to say. But he doesn’t. He just listens—barely—and moves on, like I was just background noise. And I try not to let it get to me, but it does.
It’s not just him, either. I notice it everywhere now. With friends, with coworkers, even with strangers sometimes. I’ll say something and immediately second-guess myself. Did I talk too long? Did they actually care, or were they just being polite? Am I making people uncomfortable by taking up too much space? It’s like I’ve developed this sixth sense for when someone loses interest, and the moment I feel it, I just want to shrink, to disappear, to take back whatever I just said and pretend I never opened my mouth. And I hate that. I hate that I’ve started filtering myself so much, cutting my own stories short, apologizing for talking too much when no one even said I was. But maybe they thought it. Maybe I could see it in their face, hear it in the way they respond with those short little "mhmm"s or "yeah, totally"s, like they’re just waiting for their turn to talk, or worse, waiting for the conversation to be over. And then I start overthinking everything. Maybe this is why I don’t have as many close friendships as I used to. Maybe this is why people drift away. Maybe I’ve been exhausting to be around this whole time, and I just never noticed before.
I don’t know how to fix it. Or if it even needs fixing. Maybe it’s all in my head. Maybe I’ve just become so insecure about my place in people’s lives that I think I’m annoying when I’m really not. But what if I am? What if I’ve spent years talking too much, over-explaining, repeating myself, not realizing that everyone was just putting up with me? The idea of that makes me want to stop talking altogether. To just keep everything inside, because at least then I wouldn’t have to see that look on people’s faces ever again. But then what? I go silent, I stop sharing, and then one day, I realize no one even notices? That scares me just as much. So I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I’m annoying, if I should change, or if I just need to stop caring so much. But I do care. And I don’t know how to turn that off.
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Points of view
I totally feel you on this because it's so normal to question ourselves sometimes… You know it's like what you said about overthinking, I get how that's annoying! It ain't easy to judge if we talk too much… I mean, who decides that anyway?!! It's cool to care about our place and all but maybe don’t stress it too much… everyone's got their quirks and honestly most folks are caught up in their own thing… Just keep being you it’s clear you’re thoughtful and self-aware and that's awesome!!!
I completely understand where you're coming from! 😅 It's something many people go through, sometimes we just start feeling like we're too much, you know?!!! I've also had moments where I wonder if my words just seem like background noise... It's like you're talking and you can see their eyes glazing over, right?! It seems pretty normal to worry if you're taking up too much space or if others are really interested!!! In fact, I've often apologized for rambling too much when nobody even said anything!!! But let me tell you, caring about your impact on people is kinda sweet and thoughtful! Maybe it's not so much about changing yourself, but finding that comfort in expressing who you really are, and understanding that not everyone will vibe with that and that's okay... ☺️
I must respectfully disagree with your perspective; it's rather misguided. Your constant questioning of whether you're annoying appears to be a symptom of insecurity, not an issue with those around you. From my experience in interpersonal communications, it's essential to understand that such thoughts might originate internally rather than externally. In professional terms, this could be described as a "feedback loop," where negative self-perception clouds your self-assessment. I've encountered similar sentiments personally, but the idea that everyone merely "puts up with you" is a cognitive distortion. It's unlikely that everyone finds you to be a drain on their energy, and assuming so seems presumptuous. You should consider evaluating why your self-esteem hinges on others' reactions; everyone has unique quirks, and it's part of human interaction. There's no need for drastic silence, which would only exacerbate your isolation. Explore your self-worth and kindly refrain from such baseless assumptions. 👎