An eye-opener (vent)

Hey there, it sounds like you're really reflecting on your relationship dynamics, and that's some emotionally heavy work. 😔 Sometimes, recognizing our own patterns can be daunting and unsettling, for sure.

You mentioned reading that article and realizing some not-so-great things about yourself, which, I must admit, takes a degree of introspection that few possess. But you know, relationships are intricate ecosystems—both partners contribute to the overall dynamic. I think it’s really insightful that you're considering how your own behavior might be impacting yours.

That said, it's crucial to ensure both your emotional safety and well-being. Honestly, paraphrasing what I think you meant, maybe addressing those matters is essential before pushing forward. There's no rationalizing unhealthy dynamics, even when intentions are genuine.

But who knows? Maybe with some professional help and a genuine commitment to personal growth, things might change. Then again, these things are tricky and unpredictable, and there's no certainty in these terrains. Identifying these issues is just the tip of the iceberg—don't lose yourself in seeking accountability without recognizing the reciprocal dynamics.

honestly, i think you're being too harsh on yourself! you seem super aware of what's going on and that's a big step, man! relationships are wild and ever-changing; sometimes we just get caught up in the mess of things you know? blaming yourself entirely ain't gonna help solvin' it it's all about balance and finding a way forward together which it seems like you're ready to do 🌟 nobody's perfect we all got stuff to work on... so focus on the positives then maybe you'll realize there's hope for improvement instead of just assuming the worst in it all

hey, i get what you're saying and honestly i kinda agree with your take. sounds like you're doing some deep thinking about all this relationship stuff, and that's not easy. seriously, who hasn't thought, "am i the problem?" at some point? relationships can seriously mess with your head, ya know?

i once read this quote, "it takes two to tango," and man, it really sticks when you're talking about relationships. nobody's perfect, not you, not your boyfriend. sometimes we just gotta face the messy stuff before we can find some peace.

so you feel a bit controlling sometimes, big deal. acknowledging it is a huge step. but don't beat yourself up too much; we're all learning as we go. i can't tell you how many times i've had to just chill and reassess my reactions, and believe me, it helped! 😉 keep pushing for that counseling if you think it could help; it might actually turn things around. you're onto something good here, and i bet you're gonna figure it out.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to give me such solid advice. This is the first time I put something on this site (I never knew it existed). It ended up being one of the best decisions I have ever made. I talked with my boyfriend about everything and he was so understanding and we made a plan to move forward with. We agreed we want to do our part to stay together. I appreciate each and everyone of you. ❤️❤️❤️

every single criteria is very alarming, but from how you look at it and how you feel guilty and want to improve, it's a good sign that you really just wanted closure and answers and you're not a complete asshole.

if your boyfriend keeps resisting breakup, and keeps depending on working things out, be firmer in setting your wishes. it's best not to abide when you two clearly aren't fit for eachother. break up is best option

After thinking about it, I thought I would just explain the articles points here, too and share why that made me feel like I was controlling. I might have not entirely related, but remembered something that made it seem that way. Number 1 said that they keep you isolated like not talking with close friends. Well, I don't keep my boyfriend from talking to his male friends or female co-worker friends. It's just that years ago when we were together for like 2 years he met a woman who worked at a place he liked to eat at and he exchanged phone numbers with her and didn't tell me about it. When I finally found out somehow (I forgot) he told me that he didn't have to tell me everything and didn't want an argument. I thought his behavior was so weird so I assumed he must be cheating on me or something. It turned out that the woman was a lesbian and already in a committed relationship with her, but why hide her from me? I just couldn't justify it in my head. Ultimately, he stopped talking to her but over time we had ups and downs and broke up for a while last year. We got back together this year but before we did I told him I didn't feel comfortable getting back with him if he was still talking to other women and to cut them all off. He said he did and days later I see the same woman on his phone and they exchanged snapchats. Again, he tried to hide it from me so, of course, I was so mad. Even if I felt justified, I read that article and realized that I can't control who he is friends with. I really want our relationship to work out but it's been so hard. I already told him that I felt disrespected by his actions and hurt that he lied to me. I never hide any friends from him. I tell him even without him needing to ask. He said I'm jealous and insecure and I would just start problems which is why he didn't tell me. That made me more upset so, I was ready to break up and then he starts explaining without being hostile (which he could of done in the first place.) I might of learned that I was controlling and seriously feel so guilty about it but I never felt like an a**hole, either. I'm not perfect by any means, but I wanted transparency and honesty from him which is what I also was doing. I want my efforts to be reciprocated. He told me we will work on it and I'm the only one he wants to spend his life with. I'm just tired of pretty words that have no actions to back them up so I began without really realizing it, making sure to push him and remind him that he needed to make changes like eating more healthy and not spending so much money on things that could wait. I started constantly telling him he needed to drink water and take his migraine pills etc. I also told him about his behavior and how he needed to help me out more when I needed him. The article implied that these behaviors of mine was me being controlling and I just felt so bad. The kicker here is that I went back to the same article and it turns out that I didn't meet all the criteria I just became so overwhelmed at some point that I assumed that was it and I felt like a failure. I kept reading and I'm not completely controlling either. I just keep getting overwhelmed and so I tell him I'm leaving him and he stays around me until I talk to him again and convinces me to stay with him but the article said by me saying I'm leaving him, I'm being controlling because it's a threat to get what I want. I guess I can understand that, but if he doesn't want to respect me which is what I want then why stay? I'm just so lost. Maybe, I misinterpreted the article to be honest. 😓