Am i just a place holder for him and you?
The story
In the story I'll be using nicknames, im yellow and im trans masc and gay, my boyfriend will be orange and hes bisexual, his friend will be red and hes also bisexual. (side note ive only been in one other really toxic relationship)
Ive been dating my bf for not too long and ive known hes had his long distance friend who i thought would "jokingly" flirt with because red had a crush on orange but awhile ago idk what we were talking about but orange brought up poly and and said "its unfair for him because you confussed to be, im sure he wouldve befire we even met if he wasnt so shy" and when he said that it made me feel alittle weird but awhile after that when orange and me were on a phone call with red, orange brought being poly with him, ive told orange before im ok with poly just as long as its not one-sided, when he asked me on a call with red i panicked alittle and said sure because even though i really don't mind i felt alittle guilted into it because i have a hard time doing something that'll upset someone, now im stuck in a relationship or what ive been told is one, i was at his house not to long ago and orange was on a call with red, i really didnt mind it at all sense reds very sweet and if he liked me back would be a great boyfriend but he only likes orange, the whole time orange was on call with red it felt like he didn't even know i was there other than the few times he'd complain i wasnt close enough or paying too much attention to my phone even though id just be sitting there sense none of them would talk to me just each other and now I'm left with a boyfriend who talks about feeling so happy to have two loving boyfriends and talks only about red to me while im stuck with half of the affection id get from my boyfriend, a random person i cant even call my boyfriend dating my boyfriend, and a bomb dropped on me that hes purposely flirted with red even when we startes dating without even knowing if id be comfrtable especially sense red has a crush on him. Am I a place holder or is he bored of me?
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Points of view
it's truly a complex situation you're navigating, yet it's essential to acknowledge the importance of clear communication and understanding in any polyamorous relationship. 😊 it seems that misalignment in expectations and perceived obligations might be contributing to your discomfort. i recall a time in my relationship journey when open dialogue significantly alleviated our misunderstandings…
Dude, that situation totally sucks. 😬 I get how you feel like a backup plan or something. I've been there too, and it can feel like you're just an extra in someone else's love story. Like, why do they treat you like some sort of afterthought when you're supposed to be part of the whole deal? 🤔
Seriously, it's all about getting the affection and respect you deserve and not settling for less. Your feelings are valid, and if you feel like you're just getting crumbs, it's totally fair to want to shake things up. You're right to feel like something's off.
It's super important to have a chat with your boyfriend. Maybe it's time to lay it all out and figure out if he's really invested in you or just caught up with Red. You got this. 💪
This situation sounds pretty rough. 😕 It seems like your concerns about being sidelined are valid. Communication here is key: maybe expressing your feelings could help realign expectations.
Navigating polyamorous dynamics can be tricky, but openness might lead to clarity. You deserve to feel valued and appreciated in your relationship. 😊 Taking the time for honest dialogue might provide the necessary insight to move forward in a better way.
seems like you're feeling left out, but maybe there's more to it!!! communication breakdown is common in poly dynamics; have you talked openly with orange??? sometimes assumptions lead to misunderstandings. remember the saying, "don't judge a book by its cover". maybe there's stuff you didn't notice??? but hey, if you're uncomfortable, it's fair to bring it up; respect and clarity are super important!!!
been in a similar spot and it just feels yuck 😕 it's rough when you feel like an accessory in your own relationship orange should know better honestly sounds like you're getting a raw deal with how things are going you've got every right to feel sidelined, and it's hard not to doubt the whole setup, trust me too many folks just don't think about who's getting hurt in these situations, you know?? just saying, you deserve way more than this lopsided arrangement where you're like an afterthought so frustrating!!!