feeling doomed
The story
at this point I just feel trapped in my situation. rereading the comments on my prior post just confirmed what I was feeling but honestly after being without a job for so long staying home to care for the children, I'm stuck.
There's no point if leaving the relationship, it'd only put me in a worse position and at least I know what to expect and most importantly, though I have complex feelings I do genuinely love this man.
my fear of becoming a bitter woman is slowly coming true and it's making me hate myself. I find myself no longer interested in the things I loved to do, not paddle boarding, reading, painting, embroidery, hiking, camping; none of it. I'd rather lay in a dark room by myself.
I can feel my efforts towards the relationship waning. I used to look at him when I'd laugh, I used to share things to him, I used to call him all the time, he was my first and last thought of the day. now I feel heavy and sad. he pretends to laugh, he half listens, he dismisses, he often says "tomorrow". I stopped wondering where the wonderful man is married went; I already mourned him, now I live with a roommate. we never really shared a room anyway. our love life had pretty much been dead since I was pregnant with the baby he pushed for. its not like I'm ugly, I've kept in shape. I guess I'm just boring now.
I'm watching my relationship die in real time....
what's the point of anything anymore?
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Dang, it sounds really tough to feel stuck like that, and it's understandable you feel drained when everything seems off; maybe doing something just for yourself, even a small thing, could help spark some of that passion again even if it feels pointless at first!
It sounds tough. Staying in a situation that feels unfulfilling is hard, but sometimes it's safer than the unknown. Your love for him complicates things too, and I get that leaving isn’t simple. It's important to find small ways to reconnect with yourself though, even if it's just one small activity you used to enjoy. Sometimes little steps can help.
Man, it sounds like you’re in a real pickle. I get that the idea of leaving seems scarier than staying put, but just chillin' in misery ain't exactly living either; ya know what I'm saying? Trust me, I've been there too... stuck in a rut that felt never-ending; sometimes I’d just scream into the void hoping it'd scream back with some answers lol. Maybe you've already tried this, but what about shaking things up completely?? like starting a small side hustle from home or joining an online community to connect with new people who get you??? And maybe it's high time to stop mourning and start demanding something better from him and yourself???! It might sound cheesy, but if nothing changes, then yeah... nothing's gonna change.