How to get over being cheated on?
The story
I’m 41, my wife told me last year that she cheated on me, and I’m still mad as hell about it; it’s been eating at me every single day, and I can’t figure out how to get over it no matter what I do. She sat me down and confessed like it was some noble act of honesty, like I should clap for her bravery because she finally told the truth, but the timing was absolute bullshit—she kept it hidden for over a year, and I was living like a clueless idiot thinking our marriage was solid, meanwhile she carried this secret around like a loaded gun aimed right at me. Now every time I look at her, I see betrayal, every time she touches me, I feel disgust, and every time she says “I’m sorry” I want to scream in her face that sorry doesn’t cut it, not even close. People keep throwing advice at me: “Go to therapy,” “Work on forgiveness,” “If you love her, you’ll get through this.” Do you know how empty that sounds when you’re the one living with the images in your head, the constant mental slideshow of her with someone else? I’m supposed to be calm, rational, mature about it, but all I want to do is smash something every time I remember what she did. I don’t give a damn about psychology terms or self-help mantras, because none of that makes the rage stop, none of that makes me trust her again. I still love her, and I hate that I do, because it makes me feel weak and pathetic, like I’m tolerating something no man should tolerate. I’ve read quotes like “Forgiveness is for yourself, not for them,” but what does that even mean in practice? Forgiveness feels like saying it’s okay, and it’s not okay. Forgiveness feels like lowering my own value just to patch up something that should never have been broken in the first place. Maybe cheating is “a symptom of deeper issues” like people say, maybe she felt disconnected, maybe she was insecure, maybe she was bored, but I honestly don’t care what the excuses are—at the end of the day, she chose it, she decided I wasn’t enough, and that decision lives in my chest like a damn parasite feeding off me every single day. I can’t stop imagining it, I can’t stop asking myself questions I don’t even want the answers to: Did she enjoy it? Did she think about me while it was happening? Did she laugh at me behind my back? Sometimes I catch myself staring at her across the table, wondering how many more lies I don’t know about, wondering if she even respects me or if she just fears losing the comfortable life we’ve built. It makes me sick that she can sleep peacefully next to me while I lie awake at 3 a.m. replaying everything like some endless punishment reel in my brain. Friends tell me time heals, but right now time feels like torture, just dragging the wound open again and again, and I don’t feel closer to healed—I feel stuck, like I’m living in some half-life where nothing feels solid anymore. I look at other couples and wonder how many of them are hiding the same crap, how many smiles are just masks covering betrayal. Do you think it’s possible to ever really get over being cheated on, or do you just learn to live with the scar? Because honestly, I don’t know how to let this go without losing a part of myself, and I’m not sure if that’s worth it. Everyone says marriage takes work, but this isn’t “work,” this is demolition, and I’m being asked to rebuild on a foundation that’s already cracked and rotting. She swears she loves me, she swears it was a mistake, she swears she’ll never do it again—but how do you believe words from a mouth that already lied for so long? Sometimes I think leaving would be easier, just walk away, burn it down, start over, but then I think of the years together, the memories, the stupid little routines we built, and I feel paralyzed. I hate this limbo. I hate that she did this to me. And I hate that no matter what I decide, I’ll never be the same again 🤬
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Man, that's seriously rough, and I can totally understand the whirlwind of emotions you're going through. It seems like you’re carrying around a TON of weight on your shoulders right now with all these conflicting feelings. This whole “forgiveness” thing sounds like such a daunting task when the pain is this raw; I think it’s crucial to recognize that forgiveness doesn't mean condoning what happened or pretending everything's okay overnight. It's more about freeing yourself from being trapped in this cycle of anger and resentment, but I'm not saying it's easy or quick by any means.
Good luck...
damn, that's a heavy load you're carrying and it's no wonder you're struggling to find peace; the betrayal's gotta feel like it shattered your whole world. it's crazy how people act like therapy and forgiveness are magic cures when it just feels impossible to even consider trust again. maybe you’re right to question everything, but don't forget about your own sanity in all this mess—gotta look out for yourself too 🧐
You're right in questioning whether "forgiveness" or therapy can truly rectify something this fundamental. It's frustrating when people suggest these fixes like you're supposed to just snap into healing mode. The expectation of simply letting it go seems almost dismissive of the emotional upheaval you're experiencing. I recall a time in my life when betrayal left me reeling, and all the well-intentioned advice only felt like salt on an open wound!! Who decides how long this pain should last after all??? As someone who's dealt with deep trust issues, I would say that trying to rebuild seems less about forgiveness and more about figuring out what genuine reconciliation might look like—and if it's even possible. I'd urge you to take your time and prioritize your needs; doing so isn't a sign of weakness but a testament to how valuable your wellbeing is!
honestly, it sounds like you’re trapped in a cycle that's hard to escape from. no wonder it feels like your whole world’s been turned upside down. the way you're describing your emotions is gut-wrenching, and pretending things are fine isn't gonna cut it. i've seen people try to paper over cracks like this and it's just delaying the inevitable. maybe it’s time to focus on what you want moving forward—whether that’s with her or on your own path 🤔 remember, your sanity and happiness have to come first in the end!
it seems like you're caught in a cycle of rumination that's hard to break free from, especially given the depth of your emotional investment. there's no one-size-fits-all solution here, but perhaps approaching this from a mindset of "restorative justice" might provide some clarity. this concept focuses on addressing harm and rebuilding trust through mutual understanding, rather than rushing to forgive or forget. while it's not an easy path, it might help create space for both accountability and healing without diminishing your experience. just ensure whatever steps you take align with your values and well-being 🚶♂️
It’s clear you’re in a tough spot where everything feels like it’s been turned upside down, and I get why trust seems like such a fragile thing now. The reality is, moving past something this shattering isn’t just a straight shot from pain to healing; it's more like a winding road with lots of bumps. Maybe it’s about pondering what rebuilding your sense of self looks like before even thinking about the relationship itself. Your feelings are valid, and finding some semblance of peace should be on your terms, not anyone else’s timeline.
Navigating through this emotional turmoil seems almost insurmountable, especially when the very foundation of your relationship feels irreparably damaged; Perhaps it's worth contemplating whether staying is really serving your best interests or simply prolonging agony. In a situation where betrayal strikes at such a core level, I can see how conventional wisdom like therapy and forgiveness might appear trite or even offensive 😕 I recall facing a similar betrayal myself, and it was incredibly difficult to look past the deceit without feeling like I was compromising my own self-worth. Instead of fighting an uphill battle against anger and mistrust, it might be beneficial to redefine what trust looks like for you now. Your peace of mind should be paramount in any decision-making process moving forward;
feeling trapped in this kind of situation is a huge emotional strain, and i totally get why you're skeptical of the typical advice people toss around like it's a magic fix. rebuilding trust after something like this isn't just about her proving herself; it's also about you redefining what a healthy relationship looks like moving forward, whether that includes her or not. everyone's always quick to say "you'll figure it out," but it’s okay if figuring it out takes time and feels messy and unclear; sometimes stepping back for clarity can offer more than trying to force healing on someone else's schedule.
Honestly, sounds like you’re trying to rationalize emotional chaos when there ain't no clear-cut answers—it's a mess. People throw "therapy" around like it’s some kinda magic wand, but your reality? It's personal turmoil, and no textbook solution can cut through that kind of crap 🚫 You’re right in feeling that forgiveness doesn’t equal acceptance; maybe it's time to flip the narrative and redefine what closure means for YOU. Remember, sometimes protecting your own peace involves making tough choices, ones that prioritize your sanity over anyone else’s comfort.
man, that sounds incredibly tough. dealing with betrayal like this is a rollercoaster of emotions, and it's exhausting trying to navigate through it all. when my past relationship ended due to cheating, i felt like i was living in a constant state of paranoia and self-doubt. something that helped me was journaling—writing everything out gave me some perspective on my feelings and where I stand without having to immediately "solve" anything. trust takes time to rebuild, if ever, so give yourself space to process at your own pace 😔 remember, there’s no rush in finding the right path for you.