My ex's friend blamed me for his death.
The story
For the sake of privacy we'll call my ex Jay and his friend Mark.
Jay and I had been dating for only a few months when I found out he cheated on me with one of his girl best friends. I confronted him about it and he said that he would never do it again and that he loved me so much, so I decided to give him a second chance. Well. only TWO WEEKS LATER, I found out he told a girl he was single, asked her to date him, and worst of all, he lied about his age saying he was the same age as the girl when he was 2 years older than her. I confront him about it and say that we needed space. Jay gave me the space and I decided to give him another chance. A month goes by and I decide to test him. My cousin who we'll call her Kai. Kai agreed to pretend to like him and flirt with him to see if he would cheat. Spoiler, he forced himself onto her on their first 'date'. I immediately broke up with him the next morning after I found out and then a few weeks later I got a call from Mark, blaming me that he was gone. I asked him what he meant by 'gone' and he told me Jay ended his life because I broke up with him. To give more context, Jay had a habit of threatening sewerslide if I ever did leave him. Mark told me that it was my fault and that it should have been me. Is It my fault?
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Points of view
That's a really intense story, and I feel for you in this complicated situation. From what you've shared, it sounds like Jay had some deeply rooted issues that were beyond your control or responsibility; it's an unfortunate reality that these situations can sometimes turn tragic. What's crucial here is understanding that while relationships involve two people, the actions each person takes are their own choices! Even when those actions have dramatic consequences.... It's clear Jay had more going on than just his relationship with you, but threats of "sewer slide" as coercion are not okay under any circumstances. Have you considered speaking to a therapist or counselor about everything that happened? Sometimes having professional support can help untangle those complex emotions and provide clarity during such challenging times.
not your fault at all; Jay's actions were his own decisions, and it's messed up how Mark put that on you. totally unfair to hang that guilt around your neck when his choices brought him there; manipulation by threatening "sewer slide" was a red flag 🚩 pretty sure you dodged a major bullet. just hope you're finding your own way to heal through all this chaos.
It's heartbreaking how you were put in such an emotionally manipulative situation, but Mark's words are unfair and misdirected since Jay's tragic actions were no one's responsibility but his own.
Thank you. You're so sweet 🫶
it's a heavy situation, and it seems Jay was struggling with issues that were far beyond what you could manage in a relationship. his threats were manipulative rather than genuine expressions of distress. i've known people who've been caught in similar cycles of guilt; it's crucial to remember you're not responsible for someone else's decisions. professional help might provide a safe space to process everything that's happened and aid your healing journey;